#the last one is me trying to find my family that died in the camps which is something I was looking at in like January

[chaoticbardlady99]

She's My Religion (Part 1: She's Cold, She's Dark, She's Cynical) Astarion x F! Reader

   Hello! I have been plagued with an idea! Enjoy! This will probably be a four part story, but I am not sure just yet!

Title from song “She’s My Religion” by Pale Waves

CW: Parental death, grief, murder, domestic violence, mentions of physical abuse, mentions of emotional abuse.

Synopsis- You are a paladin under the Oath of Vengeance. You escaped the noble life that was unwillingly thrust upon you. Now, on your way to kill your evil step-father while trying to find a solution for the parasite in your head- you find out he’s promised your hand in marriage to Lord Cazador Szarr and that he’s taken your mom’s life. Looking for some comfort- you go to Astarion, but you don’t hear the words you were hoping for.

*Gif does not belong to me- could not find original owner

Karlach whoops and cheers as she releases you from a rib crushing hug- Wyll and Gale are grinning from ear to ear. You are all elated for her that Dammon was able to figure out how to cool down her engine- even if temporarily.

  You know that she doesn’t want to hear about the future and the harm not going back to Avernus will cause so you don’t say anything while Wyll tries to lecture her. You are barely listening as the two of them go back and forth, but when Wyll glances back at you with a look that screams, “Can you please help me out over here?”

  You chuckle at your close friend’s distress and shake your head at him. Wyll adores Karlach- you know he would give her his own heart if he could. He just needs to let her come to her own decision- you’d like to think that Karlach might decide to go back until they can come up with a permanent solution. However, at the end of the day, it’s Karlach’s decision. You are just as unhappy with the impending doom your bubbly companion is facing, but that is not your weight to carry.

  “Unfortunately Wyll, I am going to support whatever Karlach wants to do for as long as I can emotionally tolerate it,” you give Karlach a playful punch in the arm, “you’re not allowed to die on me, ya know?”

  Karlach rolls her eyes and smiles- pulling you in for an awkward walking side hug.

 “Don’t worry Soldier- I’m not planning on going anywhere.”

    You all begin to head back to camp from Last Light Inn when Jaheira calls you from afar, waving you over. You look at your companions and they look back at you- equally as confused. You tell them that you will catch up with them in a little bit and they leave you there alone. Cautiously, you walk towards her- she did just threaten to kill you not even 72 hours ago and what an eventful 72 hours it has been. 

  You killed a devil, almost died killing that Devil, found out Astarion’s life is in far more danger than initially thought, watched Astarion convince a weird man to drink himself to death, watched an even weirder man be inhabited by a dead lady, fought shadows, and now, Karlach can hug people. 

  Life could not be any weirder, but you gladly welcome it over the mansion you had been trapped in after your mother married your step-father. The day you escaped from there had been bliss- despite how much you miss your mother. Your mother had been of noble human blood before she met your father (an elf). After one late night tryst and falling pregnant, her title had fallen significantly. She married your father and you had all lived happily together in Baldur’s Gate. You grew up poor, but Duke Ravenguard always tried to make sure you and your family had been taken care of. You grew up with Wyll Ravenguard and you have been tight knit friends almost your whole lives. 

  Until you were 14.

  Count Bridril Von, a high Sorcerer, had not forgotten your mother nor her breaking her promise to marry him by becoming pregnant by another. After your father died, he found your mother and enchanted her to become a mindless puppet. She would break occasionally, but ultimately you were left to fend for yourself against your 9 step-siblings (5 girls, 4 boys) and Bridril Von- who enjoyed taking out all his anger and hatred for your father on you. The only times he would claim you as one of his own would be when you had competed in various competitions and won- outranking his sons. The publicity he got from having a little sharp shooter and for “raising his darling step-daughter after she so horribly lost her hero father” was incredible. You became a show pony- a pretty, malleable little thing that was forced to perform and excel so that she could be treated with basic respect.

 The minute you were able to escape the Mansion from the Hells, you ran to the docks, bought a ticket to Silverymoon, took an Oath of Vengeance, and now you are here with an illithid parasite in your head. At first you had thought you were the unluckiest person in the world when you were kidnapped by a mind flayer, but your companions have quickly made the whole journey worthwhile- Astarion especially.

  You had met him before in your previous life as a troublemaking bastard and you had had conversations before- nothing too crazy nor serious, just quips and flirting back and forth. Astarion had been at the mansion frequently or you at the palace because your oldest step-sister, Daisy Von, is (was?) due to marry Lord Cazador Szarr. It was no secret to anyone, not even Daisy, that Cazador wants to marry you due to your likeness of a long lost love of his, but you are not of royal blood. Cazador would lose his alliance with Bridril if he married his boorish, rebellious, and unwanted step-daughter- despite your many achievements. You were grateful. You didn’t want to marry the man and Daisy was foolishly smitten- she could have him for all you care. That was your mentality before you knew he was a Master Vampire.

  Your family and Astarion’s ‘family’ spent a lot of time together. Astarion had become your escort around the palace grounds because Bridril did not want you to take the spotlight away from Daisy. 

 Originally, it had been Pale Petras, but you had unceremoniously kicked him in the balls after he had said something rather unbecoming towards you and had to be physically dragged away by Leon before he tried to kill you or worse. Astarion had immediately taken a liking to you for that alone. 

  When you had stumbled upon each other at the beach after the Nautiloid crash, it had been a little over two years since you had last seen each other. Without the watchful eyes of Cazador, your friendship and romantic relationship has blossomed. 

   You had been weary at first, worried that he was just getting close to you because he knew how much it would piss off Cazador if Astarion were to be with the one person Cazador could not have. Now, you are about 95 percent sure that isn’t the case, but you remain alert- just in case. 

  You are used to being used for an upperhand in the world and you hope everyday that you are more than an advantage against Cazador to him because he truly means everything to you. 

  Which is maybe why you are quite agitated with Jaheira taking precious minutes away from you that could be spent with your love. You offer her a smile as she holds out a letter.

 “A letter? For me? Oh Jaheira, you shouldn’t have!”

   Jaheira hides her amusement behind a scowl, “it came through here magically. Rolan was able to calm down the little portal it came flying through- I suggest waiting until you reach Baldur’s Gate to be sending and receiving mail.”

   You apologize and walk towards camp, opening and reading the contents in the letter. The letter rips open your entire body and it feels like the ground is going to cave in. You read and reread the letter multiple times- standing between the edge of Last Light Inn and the edge of Camp, not even 5 feet away. 

  Tav,

  My name is Mary, I was your mother’s lady in waiting. You were always so busy that we never got the opportunity to meet. I am sorry to tell you that I only have bad news.

 The Count had received an offer from Lord Cazador Szarr two weeks ago regarding marrying you that he is not going to refuse- initially he was, but then you continued to not come home and he became bitter. 

  Cazador expressed urgency regarding getting you back to Baldur’s Gate. Bridril has hired mercenaries to hunt for you.

  Bridril killed your mother- the whispers in the castle say it was not an easy or quick death. My understanding is that you took an Oath of Vengeance so I hope Bridril is on your list. Your mother was the kindest woman I have ever had the privilege of meeting.

   I know she would want you to know that she loves you, is proud of you, is watching out for you, and knows you are off to do great things. 

  Keep vigilant and may Selune bless your path.

  -Mary

     No. This isn't happening to you. You are only days- maybe even a week or two away from going back home, killing Bridril, and freeing your mother. You were going to be a family again. You wanted to introduce her to your companions and buy a nice little home to live in with her like you used to when you were little. You were going to tell her all about your adventures, your time on the Pirate ship that took you to Silverymoon, your life there as a Paladin, and his whole fucking excursion.

   She’s gone and the wail that threatens to crack open your chest is suffocating. You quickly walk to Astarion’s tent, where you have been sleeping most nights, and he’s not there. Of all the times you really need him to not be doing anything and yet! You shove the letter back in the envelope and absentmindedly throw it to another part of the tent- not looking and not caring. Your grief feels like it may kill you and you just need to be held- to know and feel like you aren’t completely alone in the world right now. 

    After a brief chat with Halsin, you discover Astarion is hanging out with Shadowheart behind her tent. You make haste that way- hoping they won’t be too mad that you are interrupting their wine and gossip time. You had gotten back earlier than anticipated and in other circumstances you might wait until he is done, but you aren’t in your right mind. 

  You approach the tent and hear them talking on the other side, facing the forest, and sitting on a log. The tears begin to manifest in your eyes as relief floods you- you are so close to feeling okay again.

  “How bloody hard is it to nicely, lovingly tell someone that you’ve been deceiving them this whole time?”

  You stop dead in your tracks. 

  No. 

  “Look, there is no good way to say it,” Shadowheart says, “you just need to own up to it and then be honest about all of it.” 

 “Oh yes because ‘I planned on seducing you, sleeping with you, and manipulating you from the start’ is such a great opener,” Astarion scoffs, “there has to be some other way to make it flow with the rest of it. A better way to tell her.”

  “No need,” you speak up miserably, coming around the corner, “you just did. Wasn’t that hard was it?”

  Astarion and Shadowheart look absolutely shell shocked to see you standing there. Astarion looks like he’s about to throw up as he gets up and looks at you softly, a pleading, panicked look in his eyes.

  “Darling!” he says, getting up, laughing nervously“you’re back early. I- can we-”

  “Whatever we are,” you say with a glare, tears now pouring and with as much hatred in your voice as you can muster, “or whatever you were pretending I was to you- it’s over.” 

  Astarion’s entire face falls while he’s staring at you and he looks like he might cry, he opens his mouth, “Darling, pl-”

   Shadowheart looks like she is about to speak up for him too, but you are far too angry, far too hurt- far too lonely right now in the world to let yourself be tricked into staying with him. They are best friends, she’s probably in on it too. 

 “No! I hate you so much!,” the venom in your voice being watered down by your anguish, “I hate you more than I thought I could ever hate anyone- undead, dead, or alive! I trusted you and you used me for your own gain- so unkindly, go fuck yourself!”

   You spin around on your heels, race over to your tent, and tie the flaps tightly shut. You slump to the ground and just sob- grabbing your mother’s old blanket that you had stolen before you left. You scream into it silently and all the pain in your body is threatening to make you burst apart at the seams. You wouldn’t be surprised if you did. 

  In less than an hour you have lost your mother, Astarion, and potentially your freedom. Astarion had used you to get one up on Cazador and he succeeded. Now that he knows what Cazador’s ritual is- he’s decided he’s done with you and every step you make has to be done cautiously because one slip up and you are going to be the consort to a fucking Master Vampire after fighting to avoid this for so long. All because Astarion just had to poke the bear. 

Astarion signed your fate using your blood as ink.

   Your throat is raw and your head is pounding by the time your lungs feel like they know how to properly breathe again. You hear someone knock on one of the wooden beams of your tent and you scoff.

  “It’s just me Tav,” Wyll says softly, “can I come in.”

     You get up and untie the tent flaps numbly. You look at Wyll, eyes puffy and red- your face streaked with tears. As Wyll walks into your tent, you get a glimpse of Astarion looking crestfallen as you invite Wyll in. You just scrunch your nose up in disgust at him before closing your tent. 

    Wyll is sitting down on your bedroll and you sit down right next to him- both of you looking at the ground. Wyll gently puts his hand on top of yours and smiles at you with his signature gentle, I’m here, grin.

 “My mom’s dead, Wyll.”

  “What?” 

 “Bridril killed her. She had snapped out of whatever hold he had on her when he agreed to marry me off to Cazador,” you choke out between sobs, “he killed her for trying to protect me. Now? I am officially going to be married off to a Master Vampire the minute I step foot in Baldur’s Gate if Bridril has his way.”

  “Oh Tav…”

 “And then! To make matters even worse?,” you look at him with disbelief and your voice sounds borderline hysterical now, “I overheard Astarion and Shadowheart prepping his ‘I’ve been using you this whole time and I’m ready to break-up’ speech. He was trying to figure out how to be nice about it.”

  Wyll stares at you with bewilderment. He is absolutely silent as you break down sobbing again, but he pulls you into him and you put your head on his shoulder.

  “I fe-feel so alone,” you manage to say coherently, “and so frightened.” 

  “I know you do my dear friend,” Wyll strokes your hair as make a mess of his shirt, “but you have Karlach, Gale, Lae’zel, Halsin, Scratch, and even an Owlbear Cub for Gods sake!”

  You smile at the emphasis on your rather dangerous furry friend. Wyll had asked what you were going to do with him when you got back to Baldur’s Gate and when you didn’t have a plan- both of you were a little horrified. You both decided to send it to Daisy as an engagement present once it’s big enough to stomp on Cazador and Daisy mid-wedding.

  “And besides,” Wyll says, “you’re my closest friend. I won’t allow you to be alone nor face this alone. I’m probably the best monster hunter you know.”

 “You are also the only monster hunter I know.”

  Wyll rolls his eyes and smiles brightly at you, “That’s besides the point, but I am going to let you sleep. You look like you need it.” 

   Wyll places a soft kiss on your forehead before he leaves your tent.

  “Thank you Wyll.”

    He turns around and smiles, “Any time Tav.”

_________________________________________________

Tag-list: @spacebarbarianweird @domainoflostsouls

[hauntedwitch04]

Lucifer I

Nyx Acheron x reader

Words: about 5.0k words

Warnings: blood, death, murder, sad things in general, shitty biological family

Author's note: This is a request by a follower on Wattpad, that I personally loved and I wrote this during the night. It's not complited, the second part will be out soon, but it was getting to long. Hope you like it loves, your witch Becky

Requests are open I Ask

My masterlist

Join the Taglist

Buy me a coffee - Patreon submission

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

"Say one more word and I swear I'll cut out your tongue." You say looking at the young prince of the night, who reciprocates by looking at you amused.

"Uncle Az, tell your hound dog to stay put." Nyx replies, as he rises from the chair in the meeting room we are in. For a moment you forget about him and end up looking around, and you wonder if little te knew this would happen to her in the future, if she would believe it. When Azriel found you, hiding in a cave not far from the Illyrian camp from which you had escaped, he was shocked at how long you had lasted alone in the woods. It had been weeks now since you had managed to escape what was left of my family, yet you still had not managed to wash away completely the blood of your sisters that had remained under your nails.

After your parents had died, my father in battle and my mother in childbirth, the chief of our tribe had decided to assign you to the only relatives left for you and your sisters namely your uncles, evil and mean people who had only money in mind and how to accumulate more and more of it, and because of this however small you were, you had to start working right away. Also living with you was our mother's mother, a bigoted and unintelligent woman bound by the stupid traditions of the barbaric people of which I am a part, who from early on you knew would present a threat to your wings. Not a day went by when she did not complain that you had not yet bled or find ways to make it happen, but you in response had studied every book and document you could about it and made sure to find every remedy you could to delay the arrival of what would spell the end of your last freedom. And the same you did with your sisters when they began to grow up, honoring the memory of your parents by asking them for help every night.

After spending years and years being a slave, on your twentieth birthday you woke up with red-stained blankets and immediately a new fear took its place in your body. You could already hear voices coming toward the room you shared with your sisters, and without a second thought you had jumped up waking the other two girls and telling them to take what you had prepared to run away. Within minutes you were already running through the woods, looking for a safe place to live for a while until you figured out how to do it. Over time you had also learned to hunt, and so you were not afraid to live in the woods; what you were afraid of was your family.

A little over an hour had passed when you heard voices coming from behind.

"Baby, I don't want to hurt you. You know we have to, it's time for you to become a real woman." Yelled your uncle in an obnoxious, sarcastic voice, and you only increased your pace, which soon turned again into a hopeless race dragging your sisters toward what you hoped would be salvation.

"Do you really think those wings make you somebody! You are nothing if a little slut trying to escape from a future that is already written! Hurry up and I promise I won't rip your wings off, just keep playing hide-and-seek and I'll take all the time I can to do what I want with you!" Yells your uncle again, before laughing out loud. "Do you think we haven't found your stupid plant books, to delay your bleeding, do you think we're that stupid? That alone could be enough of a death sentence for you, do you really want to make your situation worse!?" He continued, and you felt a cold chill run down your spine. For a moment you thought about turning yourself in, then the image of all those girls you had seen suffer or even die for what they had done to their wings came into your mind, and so you began to run even harder, until you found yourself in front of a cave. You had found it a while ago, trying to catch something in the woods, and it had seemed like a good hiding place. You told your sisters to go inside, while you went for a second to retrieve some weapons you had hidden in a hollow log two minutes away from there, intimating to them to keep quiet if they did not want to be discovered. Yet all was in vain.

One minute. Sixty seconds. Twenty blinks. One moment.

It only took a moment to kill your sisters. Your uncle found them, and because they tried to escape he killed them on the spot, stabbing them in the stomach.

You arrived at the moment when you saw the youngest among the three of you fall, the one who being the eldest daughter you had the pleasure of holding first, while the middle one was already on the ground lifeless. You saw in her eyes the life slip away, like sand running through your fingers.

"So you won't run away like your useless sister." Said your uncle, looking at her handiwork before turning away. "Where is he right now, anyway? He abandoned you, he doesn't even have the courage to face me, yet he has the courage to leave you here to die." He continued.

"Turn around asshole, and face your fate." Whispers your sister, dying, amid blood spit on the ground and moans of pain. "I hope his blade is as sharp as your tongue." She continues, before telling you with her lips that she loved you, and then letting the life that animated her flow out of her.

Your uncle turned and for a moment his face was crossed with pure and simple fear, coming the anger that animated your face. A few simple sword movements, and in a few seconds he was in front of you on his knees, praying to your goodness, which in his regard had left you years ago. Blood gushed from his lips like lava from a volcano as you watched life fade away behind his tar-black pupils.

"I hope you will suffer as much as you made us suffer, and that Mother will have a special punishment for you. You killed the only family I had left, and for that I will take from you what you took from me: life." You said, looking down into his eyes. He spat in your face in response.

"Do you think you are so much better than me? You too will take the life of another human being, even your hands will be stained with blood, you and I are not much different." He said, before spitting more blood at my feet. "Besides, do you really think they will not notice that I am not going back to the village? Do you really think they won't come looking for me and find you here with all these dead people? Do you think you'll get away with it? O deluded little bitch, they will kill you, and then there we will be in the same cage before Lucifer."

"See you in hell then." You whispered before finally cutting his neck and letting his blood create a pool at your feet.

For hours you felt like an automaton as you carried your uncle's body out of the cave and buried it not far from there. Once you had stowed away all the earth, you turned to where your sisters still lay and for the first time truly felt their death strike you with an axe blow to the chest, whereas before you were too busy still brooding over anger and revenge. In a few steps you found yourself on the ground, your hands grasping their bloody clothes as you clutched them to your chest, crying hot and bitter tears. You screamed in every language you knew against every deity you remembered, as you begged anyone to take you in their place and let them live their lives. You spent the whole night crying and screaming, so much so that by morning you had no voice left. Once the sun came up you realized what you looked like. Your arms were completely bloody, especially your hands, where blood had even gone under your fingernails. Long minutes passed before you conceived the fact that you had to bury your sisters as well. This time, however, was different. You found a beautiful clearing full of lavender flowers and laughed at the irony. You had always loved lavender very much, and your sisters always teased you about it, and now the place where they would find peace would be just that. You slowly dug two pits next to each other in the shade of a willow tree, and gently placed their bodies, wrapped in blankets, as tears continued to stream down your face. You looked one last time at their bodies, so small and helpless at that moment, before covering them with the earth. Once finished you lay there on top of them, waiting for the dead to come for you too, feeling guilty for their death and for killing a man, seeing the blood still staining your hands. You screamed, cried again as you had done the night before, then you heard a rustling in the plants, and like a vision your sisters appeared to you holding hands with your mother, surrounded by shadows. By now it had become night, but you did not even realize it too engrossed in crying.

Immediately you were frightened by the scene and jumped to your feet, then you calmed down and realized that you had not gone crazy, but there were really them in front of you. You ran toward them, and tried to hug each of them three times, failing, and falling all three times into the void. Immediately the tears came back to you.

"I thought I was dead. I thought I had atoned for my sins, and instead I'm still here. I don't deserve to live, please do something help me." You asked, kneeling in front of them, looking down, and at that moment you felt like a gust of wind settling on your shoulder, so you looked up and saw that your mother had placed her hand on his shoulder and was looking at you fondly.

"My child, do not think that our death is your fault. You, on the contrary, did everything you could do. You must keep fighting, you cannot let yourself go like this. You must live for us, too." She said, but you shook your head, not believing you could.

"I am not so strong mom, I allowed them to hurt them. I-I don't think I can go on alone anymore. I am not strong enough." You whisper, as you go back to slump on the ground.

"Don't even think that. You have come this far, you must live for us too. We will never abandon you, we will become your janitors." She said making a gesture to indicate the shadows that surrounded her and your sisters. As if they understood the topic of conversation they moved toward you, twisting like a snake along your arms, until they reached your ear and whispered something to you. You were not even surprised to understand them, no matter how surreal this situation was. You watched intently as those night-colored pythons came to life around you, until you looked up again and saw that your mother was now retreating with your sisters, back to where they had come from.

"Where are you going!? Don't leave me!" You screamed, getting up and running toward them, but the shadows held you, like worried hands holding someone dear.

"You can't follow us where we go love, now we have to go back where we came from, we have already been away too much according to the rules. Take care dear and remember we love you. Enjoy every second of your life, don't remember the past, create a new future." Those were your mother's last words to you as your sisters waved goodbye, also with tears in their eyes.

At that moment I became a shadowsinger.

And so you returned to being alone, in the middle of the night, surrounded by shreds of darkness that moved with a life of their own.

"My lady must go and wash the blood off her clothes, and she will attract wild animals." The shadows say in your ear, as they urge you to get up. You resist a little at first, to be guided by them, who like an invisible wet nurse took care of you, for the first few days where you still had to get used to the situation. A week later you were fully back to yourself, and nothing could stop you. You kept moving from one place to another so they would not find you until one morning you heard a rustling among the plants, but your shadows that time told you something different that struck you.

"Honey, this time the one chasing us is someone like you." They said, as you were setting a new trap to catch some small game.

"Like us, you mean another shadowsinger?" You asked confused, torn between wanting to escape and wanting to know.

"That's right honey." They replied, before going forward.

A few minutes passed before a man, an Illyrian, emerged from behind the plants, but you soon realized that you did not know him.

"Hello." He said first, smiling slightly as he put his hands forward to show you that he had no hidden weapons to hurt you. "I would just like to talk to you."

You looked at him wary, then you saw a shadow emerge from his back, exactly like those adorning your shoulders, and immediately you felt understood. You saw his shadows go to his ears, as if to report something to him, and immediately his eyes widened as his face changed, looking at you with sorry eyes and a sorrowful smile on his lips.

"You are also like me. "You affirmed as you approached, he without warning embraced you, holding your slender, exhausted body in his mighty arms.

"I'm sorry." He said in a choked voice as he gently stroked your back. "Who has passed away?" He asked, trying to understand how you had managed to get what for him was a curse.

"My mother and sisters. They failed to protect them. My mother I failed to save all those years ago, while the others I left alone, and my uncle killed them." You whispered, as you let go in his arms in a desperate cry.

"Then you really are the girl from the village they are looking for." He said as he looked into your eyes, and you saw tears forming in his, as if he also remembered at this moment a past and distant pain, still alive in him though. "They sent me to find you, saying that a crazy dangerous murderer, but I think they actually are." He continues laughing, before asking another question. "Where is your uncle?"

"I killed him." You said in a hard, impassive voice and then looked at him coldly, or at least tried to, but the fear you were feeling clearly shone through your eyes. "I will accept whatever punishment you want to give me, but please don't take me back there. I ran away because they wanted to clip my wings, and now I'm afraid of what they would have in store for me, and I suspect it's worse than death." You asked, as more tears ran down your face.

He shook his head, before taking off his jacket and laying it on your shoulders.

"My dear, you will come with me, I will never take you back to that shitty place." He said softly as he stroked your face, and for the first time you felt the scars adorning his palms, and you were shocked by the contrast between his soft voice and his rough skin.

"I am Azriel, the High Lord's chief spy, and you will come with me to Velaris, where I will teach you everything I know about the shadows we share. After all, I've always wanted a little sister, and I'm sure Cassian will be impressed with your skills as well." He said, as he pointed you to a place in the forest devoid of trees. "I have to warn you though, we're a little crazy as a family." He continued, but you froze.

"Wait, I have to do something first." You said before running one last time to that lavender field, to which you had gone every day to see your sisters.

"It's not goodbye, it's goodbye. I will be back soon, as soon as I can. I love you all. I will live for you." You confessed at their graves, amid sobs before returning to Azriel.

He looked at you with compassion and together you took off into the air, and only when you arrived in Velaris did you realize that your life had really changed, and that a new adventure was beginning.

"Hey baby all right?" You eventually hear Azriel's voice, concerned, as he leans over the table to take your hands. You are the only one with whom he shows physical affection, trusting only you, and of course Gwyn, whom you regard as a mother.

Over time your relationship has proven to be more like that between a father and a daughter than between a brother and a sister. He has from the very beginning taken care of you, and you of him at times when he needed it, you have always supported each other, and a bond flows between you that is stronger than just a blood bond. You look into his eyes and see his doubt gripping him, but it still does not invade your mind, leaving you space. Nyx also seems to have quieted down. You and he have never gotten along too well, ever since you first met. You have been part of the Inner circle for ten years now, but the two of you only met five years ago, since he was studying on the mainland before that.

He, from the beginning saw you as a rival, and even being a couple of years younger, felt that his place as a protected and beloved prince of the court was being undermined by you.

He never understood the real reason why his uncle took you with them, and that was also because you had never shared your story with anyone outside of Az and his mate, not wanting others to see you as weak.

"Yeah all right, I was thinking about how not to kill that asshole during the mission." You say, trying to sound convincing, and apparently succeeding because everyone is giggling, outside of Az and Nyx who don't look very convinced.

"Oh come on Lucifer, we both know that the better of the two is me." He tries to comment, but you can still read the uncertainty in his eyes not believing your words.

"In your dreams Acheron." You answer, trying to let the nickname pass.

The next day, at dawn you find yourself on a mission in the woods near where you had grown up. A feeling of fear covers your heart and mind ever since you set foot here. Like a flooding river, memories of your childhood wash over you. Rhysand didn't know this place was steeped in trauma for you, or he wouldn't have assigned it to you, but if you had told him, you would have proven yourself unequal to your role as his court's deputy spy chief, unable to separate work and private life.

"We need to go to an Illyrian camp nearby, apparently there has been some insubordination." Nyx tells you, not remembering that you were also at the meeting her father had to describe the mission. "Hey, you look pale, are you okay?" He asks worriedly, turning to look at you.

"Since when do you worry about me Acheron? Aren't you getting soft?" You say, stepping past him as with confident steps of someone who has been down that road a billion times before, you move like a snake, with elegance and fluidity, through the trees of the forest. Out of the corner of your eye you see the boy step into a trap, which has been there since you were a child, which an old hunter always puts in that hole.

"Be careful putting your foot there, there is a trap." You say atonically as you continue walking. He stops and looks carefully at where he was about to walk to see that indeed you were right.

"Well I'd say you're mellowing, too, honey. Is the cold-hearted witch thawing out?" He asks with amusement as you without stopping or turning around give him the middle finger.

"I love you too baby." He continues, in response to your gesture, and you shake your head in response as you can't suppress a silly little smile appearing on your face.

"How did you know there was a trap anyway, it was really very well hidden." Comments the prince of the night, as he takes great strides to catch up with you.

You pause for a second, thinking whether to tell him the truth or tell him to go to hell again. You don't know what is getting into you but this place makes your head spin, and you feel like a poor, lonely, helpless girl again. The shadows surround you like a shield since you arrived, as if they, too, sense the familiarity of that place. You look into his violet eyes, which in the little sunshine coming in through the tree foliage, take on a lavender-like hue, and again it feels as if a prick comes sharply into your stomach and knocks you to the ground.

You see in his expression concern and sincerity, and this sends your system into a tailspin, which, as if it were nothing, opens up a deep, private part of you to him.

"I grew up here, I know these woods well." You say not looking into his eyes, too caught up in your emotions that are running through you right now. The shadows close even tighter between you, almost creating a cocoon.

"I didn't know that." He replies.

"Nobody knows, nobody but Az and Gwyn." You counter.

"He found you here then." The boy affirms, while in the shadows he tries to look around.

"Yes, not far from here." And you almost can't hold between your lips <<and near here I buried my sisters, a little farther away instead is the cave where they died at the hands of my uncle, whom I killed and buried near there>>, but fortunately you manage to hold back.

A few seconds pass in which neither of you really knows what to say, until you decide to confess other things.

"Nyx, the village we are going to is the one I ran away from when I was 20 years old with my sisters. Everyone there hates me, but I don't even think they would recognize me, however, I wanted to tell you before you see doing something stupid and reckless for no reason. At least you know some context, it seemed right to tell you." You say as you resume walking, but he grabs one of your two wrists with his hand and stops you.

"How come you ran away?" He asks with a seriousness you think you've never seen in him before.

"They wanted to take away the only thing that made me free: my wings." You answer with equal seriousness as I see his jaw twitch in anger.

"Who wanted to do this to you? Your parents?" He asks as disgust is evident from his tone.

"No, it's a long story." You try to answer without giving too much information, but immediately you feel something, guilt, making its way inside you. "Maybe someday I will tell you, but this is neither the place nor the time to do so." You continue, before starting to move along the forest. Nyx does not counter and follows your steps silently, always, however, staying close to you and in silence, as if she has that at this moment, the slightest thing could destabilize you and that you need someone right now, who without your asking, should help you survive from drowning in your memories.

You arrive at the village shortly after, and for a moment you feel like you have traveled through time. Nothing has changed since you left, and that gives you the chills. Immediately people begin to look at you askance, and within seconds you find the village chief standing in front of you. He is still the same as when you were there, an elderly gentleman with poor eyesight and a big heart. He was the only one who supported your choice to keep your wings, but the council had overtaken him and there was nothing he could do about it, he had confessed to you once while your family was still waiting for you to bleed, but he was already deciding your future. He looks at you with squinted eyes, trying to focus on your figure.

"Hello, we are here about the small riot that happened here a few days ago. The High Lord sent us." Says Nyx casually, with a smile on his face. You had decided before you left not to say your identities right away, so as not to arouse hatred as soon as you arrived, but you obviously hadn't told Nyx about why, though now he knows.

"Oh certainly, this way guys." Says the elderly gentleman, smiling at us. "But you didn't have to go to all that trouble, it was just a bunch of stupid kids who decided to make some trouble. There was no need for the High Lord to send any of his people, but we really appreciate you coming." He continues, as we cross the main street of the village.

"High Lord Rhysand is keen to let it be known that he is always available to his subjects when needed." Nyx replies very diplomatically, as he has been taught. You stop and stare at him, as you walk along, and think that deep down all those girls falling at his feet are not wrong. He is one of the most handsome boys you have ever seen, if not the most handsome of them all, with those violet eyes and perpetually disheveled night-colored hair. He is smart, but at the same time reckless, funny and kind, in short the perfect boy everyone dreams of. Immediately you freeze, and blush when you realize what you're thinking. You hear the shadows laughing in your ear, hearing your thoughts, and you under your breath curse them. You look around and realize you've stopped in front of what used to be your little piece of heaven: the bookstore. It was a tiny, musty place, and full of dusty old shelves, and run by a sweet and loving little lady, whom you treated like children.

When you were little, you spent hours in there, so much so that eventually the lady hired you as an assistant, making sure that your aunt and uncle didn't force you to stop going to that place to go to work.

It was never very busy, but it had a small circle of trusted customers.

Now, however, it is a ruined place. The window glass is broken, and the now-worn sign has fallen down. The shelves have all fallen, one on top of the other like bodies of soldiers wounded in battle, piled on top of each other. A dusty mist fills the store, while on the ground one can still see marks left by flames, while nothing but ashes remain of the books.

Nyx seeing that you stopped, stops in turn, apologizing to the village chief, and coming to see if you were okay.

"Hey, are you okay Lucifer? If you want, you can wait in one spot, and I'd be back to you in five minutes, I swear I'd be quick and then we'd run right out of here and not look back. You don't have to do all this if you can't." The boy says sympathetically as he takes your hand in his. That gesture makes you turn toward him, and then look at the older gentleman who has also turned back, and he looks at you smiling.

"I felt like I knew that smile." He says, looking at you as he strokes your face with one hand. "It seems like a lifetime since you and your sisters left. I see that life has treated you well." He continues happily, and you feel a pang in your heart.

"Life apparently has only treated me well." You say while remaining vague, and immediately he seems to understand, and with a sweet gesture, typical of a grandfather toward his granddaughter, he kisses your forehead lovingly.

"I'm sorry little witch." He whispers, and you smile at the nickname, which he had given you when you were still playing at making potions out of mud in the camp.

Nyx meanwhile was looking at you more and more confused, but he does not ask you anything, realizing that this is not the time for his questions. The shadows move agitated, too caught up in all those emotions.

"What happened to the bookstore?" You ask worriedly. "Is the lady okay?"

"She passed away shortly after you left. Her family did not take care of the store and let vandals destroy it." Confessed the elderly gentleman, sorry.

You are about to respond, angry at the people who allowed part of your childhood to be set on fire, when you hear a voice from down the street that chills the blood in your veins, that of your aunt.

...to be continued...

TAGLIST

@winchestergirl222

• @nothingimportentreally

• @duda

• @itsmeseph

• @lys-neyr8

• @nyotamalfoy

• @anonimusy

• @marigold-morelli

• @luna-1-3-5

• @esposadomd

• @thotd-f1

• @humanpersonlasttimeichecked

@backups-backups

@daeneeryss

@hjgdhghoe

@theviewfromtheotherside

@e_dollly

[tiredtxmblrvet]

Fic Rec Friday

Thanks again to @mediumgayitalian for the idea!

Below are 5 fics I've enjoyed this past week/recently.

IT'S A SCREAM, BABY! by @rosyredlipstick

https://archiveofourown.org/works/45360994

Summary:

It’s June 1984, Prince is at the top of the charts, and Nico di Angelo has spent the last three weeks scratching at mosquito bites and herding around a group of elementary school kids—and somehow it’s been the best summer of his life. - “Welcome to Camp Crystal Lake!” Jason yelled over, ever-polite.

--

Okay I'm back with another Rosy rec. When I tell you this story literally captured me within the first paragraph and held me in a vice grip the entire time. I literally started the beginning and went "now this is how you start a story" and then couldn't put it down. This is a horror/slasher AU, but none of the major characters die! It's a love letter to a lot of horror films, so if you're in to that sort of thing, I'd totally recommend. Or if you're like me and don't really watch horror, I'd still recommend because it's that good. Also once again Will and Nico's dynamic is top tier in this fic, and I really love Will's POV.

The Other "Heroes" by SirOliverSurface

https://archiveofourown.org/works/29528811

Summary:

Percy Jackson had seen weird before. Swimming in the River Styx to gain invincibility to fight the Titan lord of time was "weird". Getting your memory wiped by the goddess of marriage and family in a gambit to unite Greek and Roman demigods was "weird". Having a spiritual attachment to blue food was... well... completely understandable, no matter how much Leo joked about it. But this? This is "weird".

When a battle goes wrong, and magic goes wild, the son of Poseidon and Hero of Olympus finds himself dumped in a world that seems strangely familiar. The Greek Gods are still around, the old myths were really true, all seems well. But one thing has changed: the people he's come to love. And it doesn't take long for him to figure out that these new faces all miss someone else, too; Hero of Olympus, and daughter of Poseidon, Percie Jackson.

--

This is Percabeth centric, with Solangelo as a side ship, but this story is so good. Granted, I'm only about 150k in, but the writing has captivated me, and the adventure our heroes go on is fascinating to me. Plus I just love the "other" versions of all the heroes. Will I ever be able to finish it? Maybe in 2 years, but hey! It's my go-to fall back on fic when I'm running out of things to read. (It's 1.2 million words!)

August by CordeliaRose

https://archiveofourown.org/works/49031647

Summary:

Somehow, Nico's life only gets more confusing after he defeats a primordial Goddess.

Will Solace accounts for about 90% of that confusion.

(A journey through August, and all its ups and downs.)

--

I just had to rec this story, as I am about to re-read it only a couple of weeks after finishing it the first time because it's just that good. This follows the rest of August after the end of BoO, and the way Will and Nico's relationship develops is just absolutely stunning. Also Nico and Will are autistic coded in this story and it just makes me beyond happy.

peach tea by ghosttotheparty

https://archiveofourown.org/works/48987730

Summary:

He sits up after a moment, but Nico doesn’t let go of his fingers, so he lifts the arm that’s awkward between them and sets it behind Nico, leaning back to rest on it. Nico just looks at the tapestry.

Will brushes his thumb over the side of Nico’s hand gently. His skin is soft. Nico’s fingers tighten on Will’s. It kind of feels like neither of them wants to move. Will doesn’t mind.

or; Will falls in love with the new kid.

--

I love the way ghosttotheparty writes intimacy, just, warm, soft, fragile moments that have such a wonderful air to them. I'm not usually one for high school AU's, but I love their characterization of Will and Nico so much that I just had to try this story, and I'm so glad I did. There's a particular scene where Will helps Nico down from a panic attack, and it just made me want to cry it was so well done. Just a lovely story.

Safe (better keep that thought to yourself) by @buoyantsaturn

https://archiveofourown.org/works/42721455

Summary:

Nico figured he was probably overprepared, but it was better to be safe than sorry, especially when leaving his child with some guy he barely knew and a kid he’d never met.

God, he hoped Will wasn’t some kind of psychopath. 

--

I'm back again with another one of CJ's lovely works. I'd been looking for a cute Parent!Nico and Parent!Will kidfic, and this story absolutely delivers. The way that both Will and Nico stumble around each other is so endearing in this story, and their kids are JUST the cutest!! I absolutely recommend this story.

--

Okay that's all! I'll probably keep doing this until I run out of fics to recommend. Have a good friday lovelies!

[euphoniumpets]

People you know | Nikolai Lantsov x Starkov! Reader

Summary: After growing up in Keramzin and revealing to be a Grisha after being tested, you got sent into the little palace for your training and got seperated from your sister and Mal. You always hated the place and would often cause trouble along with your childhood friend, Nikolai. But as the two of you grew older, you grew apart and you got sent into the Second Army to serve General Kirigan. Now, several years when you are grown up, you got to see Alina again when she's the Sun Summoner and after learning that you couldn't trust your General, you helped her to escape the little palace and you never thought enter on a ship where you meet your long lost childhood friend.

Requested? Yes by @persephonesportal: I absolutely adored your calm before the storm series! I was wondering if I could request a fluffy Nikolai x starkov!reader piece. Where reader is Alina’s older sister but instead of growing up together, they were separated after the death of their parents. Reader met Nikolai at a young age, where they viewed each other as their first love but reader was sent away. Alina and Reader meet again and everything canon wise happens. Reader ends up reuniting with Nikolai as Sturmhond on the ship.

A/N: aww, thank you! I really hope that we got to have a third season of shadow and bone so I can still continue writing for my husband lmao and i hope that they would let us see zoya and nikolai act with each other. because they robbed us in the last episode where they was in the same scene.

Warnings: slight angst.

Growing up after your parents died and then you and Alina would be sending off to Keramzin, you never thought that you would end up being tested and finding out that you were a Grisha in the first place. You didn't knew much of your parents history before you were sent into the orphange and whenever you would try to remember their faces, they were nothing more than a distant memory.

You secretly hoped that Alina and Mal would come with you to the little palace as they would call it, but the saints wasn't with you that day. You could remember how heartbroken you was while you tried to grab your sister's hand and Mal's but it was no use as they kept drifitng apart from you.

Ever since, you had been lonely in the little palace. You never consider befriending the other Grisha's since you were an outcast. However, you and Zoya befriended each other since you had always admired her with her Grisha powers. The two of you were friends through thick and thin and you were sad when she had to leave the little palace because she was going away for the second army.

Zoya was a year older than you and you knew it was soon enough for you to join her at the second army. The last couple of years, you stayed alone, mostly kept to yourself before you had arrived at the Grand Palace to serve the Lantsov family.

You met Nikolai there however, your friendship did not last when he disappeared one day. You heard that he was going overseas and you thought that he would leave a letter to you, but all he left to you was a bitter pain of abandonment.

To avoid that feeling, you left the Grand Palace and joined the Second Army. You got to meet Zoya again and you heard a certian map maker would join too.

You walked through the camp, hoping that you would find a certian duo since you knew that they would come as a pair. And to your luck, you spotted Alina and Mal talking with each other.

''Y/N!'' You heard your sister exclaim as soon she turned around and saw your blue kefta. Grinning, you didn't hesitate to run toward her and Mal before erupting them into a hug. ''Saints, you are alive,'' Alina laughed.

''Of course I am alive, you never getting rid of me that easily, sis,'' You remarked before embracing Mal. ''They never taught you manners back at the little palace, huh?'' Mal teased you, making you roll your eyes at him. ''They could never,''

''You're not a little boy anymore,'' You commented and looked at Mal. You almost forgot how long it was since you saw them last at the Keramzin and Mal had grown since then. ''I almost forgot how long it has been since we saw each other,'' You replied.

''Yes, but now that you are here, let's catch up!'' Alina grinned before looping her arms around you.

-

Never in a million ways you thought that you would survive the Fold and see the searing burst of light that came out of your sister. It was at that moment, you knew you had to protect her, knowing that dangerous people couldn't be trusted.

The other Grisha dragged Alina away from you and Mal as you demanded to see your sister back at the little palace. Mal was worried sick, but you assured him that you would be next to by her side.

The General had been kind enough to let you and Alina stay in the same room and be together again. It had been so long and you almost forgot how it felt to have her by your side again after being apart for so long.

However, after several days with her training with the General, Alina told you that he couldn't be trusted. And to yor surpise, Baghra helped you escape the little palace. And now, several days later you had survived the attack of the General in the Fold, running away to find the amplifiers.

You and Alina had gone to the library in Novyi zem while Mal was gone and tried to find some information about the Firebird. Although while Alina tried to hide that she was the sun summoner, it did not went well when the first army came running after the three of you, leading now that the people of Novyi Zem helped you to get away from them.

You all tried to figure out a way to escape from Novyi Zem and for your luck, you saw a private ship in front of you. You, Mal, and Alina was studying the ship as you hide yourself behind some barrells.

‘’Only two ships in a harbor town? Something’s not right,’’ Mal stated.

‘’Maybe Bohdan ordered them away?’’ You replied with a frown. ‘’But the first Army doesn’t have the jurisdiction here,’’ Mal told you. 

‘’Perhaps the promise of 20 million Kruge is good enough to buy our access to the docks,’’ Alina remarked and showed the newspaper of her and Kirigian to Mal. ‘’I wish he was alive just so I could punch that face again,’’ Mal spoke. ‘’Thanks to him, the whole world sees me as a traitorous villain,’’ Alina replied as you sighed and grabbed the paper before you knuckled it down and tossed it away. 

‘’Yeah, well, they’re wrong,’’ You told her. ‘’Valiant of you, but I’m sure they printed more than one,’’ Alina said to you with a smile. ‘’Eh, whatever, it wasn’t a good use to us anyway,’’ You replied with a shrug. ‘’So, what now?’’ Alina asked and looked at you and Mal. 

‘’We find the Sea Whip,’’ You spoke, and you narrowed your eyes. ‘’Hang on,’’ You told them. ‘’That ship’s not flying any flag, it’s private,’’ You replied as Alina looked at you. 

‘’Which means, it can be chartered,’’ Alina said, and you nodded with hope. ‘’Okay, come on,’’ Alina urged and grabbed her bag. You stepped up from the ground and grabbed your bag, since you sat between Alina and Mal, you saw the corner of your eyes as Mal grabbed Alina by the cheek before kissing her lips. 

''Alright, stop kissing each other's faces and let'ts go love birds,'' You responded. Mal and Alina gave each other a look before following after you.

‘’Hey, stop, we need a charter out of here immediately,’’ You spoke as Alina and Mal trailed behind. You saw one woman and one male standing in front of you with a sword behind your back. ‘’We can pay,’’ You told them as you gestured toward Mal, who handed you a golden pin. ‘’It’s gold,’’ You told her and handed the pin to the woman. 

‘’That’ll do,’’ She shrugged her shoulders and gave the pin to the man next to her. ‘’Come on then, hurry up, I’ll take you to the captain,’’ The man spoke as you nodded, glancing at Alina and Mal before following him to the ship. 

'’Thank you,’’ You replied. 

‘’You, stop!’’ A voice spoke and the three of you turned around to see Bohdan approaching you. ‘’You want to fight, Ravka? Hey?’’ The woman commented as she brought her ax from behind. ‘’That man and that woman is a deserter of the First Army,’’ He scowled and pointed toward you and Mal. 

‘’They belong to our custody,’’ 

‘’Is that so? All right then,’’ The woman told him before she turned to the ship. ‘’Ravka wants a fight!’’ She shouted as she grabbed the other ax and the people began to show their weapons. You chuckled to yourself when you saw the reaction on Bohdan. ‘’I don’t want to escalate the fight with Shu Han,’’ He responded as he saw the male and you guessed it was the woman’s brother grabs his sword from behind and approached him. ‘’We’re not with Shu, we’re independent,’’ He commented. 

‘’Maybe save your bullets for the war, old man?’’ The woman questioned him. ‘’First Army needs to know its place,’’

-

As soon you stepped into the ship while Tolya led you to their captain, your heart almost stopped when you saw the familiar face in front of you. You never thought that you would meet him again after so many years of trying to find him but stopped since you lost hope.

Nikolai had met your gaze with wide eyes and from the moment you met him, he didn't wore his uniform but as a pirate uniform and it was then you understood he escaped from the palace. You knew Nikolai and could read him easily even that you had been torn apart form each other for so long.

You couldn't help but feel the ache in your heart when he looked at you with pleading look. No matter how angry you felt toward him, for leaving you alone, you stood silent and avoided his eyes as he kept talking with Alina.

After some arguments of not letting her go to the Fjerdans, Nikolai led you to the down below deck, as you were trying to catch some sleep for the upcoming days of finding the amplifiers. However, you couldn't sleep since you couldn't stop thinking about him.

It had been so long that you saw him and he was different. He had grown up into a man since the last time you saw him.

You walked up to the ship since you couldn't sleep and stared at the sea. You noticed that someone was walking toward you and you saw Nikolai standing next to you. ''I thought you were asleep,'' You heard him speak to you.

''I thought so too,'' You responded. ''I'm sorry,'' He said and looked at you. You scoffed slightly.

''You left me,''

''I know,''

''I know that I can't repay you for what I did...'' Nikolai stated and let out a heavy sigh. ''But I still care for you,''

''If you cared, you would've stayed or at least take me with you,'' You argued and faced him. ''But you didn't,''

''And nothing could ever repay that,'' You replied before leaving him alone at the deck, ignoring the ache in your heart.

[zombiee-reviews]

Keirr character discussion / breakdown

• The egotistical prick • The Aira hater • The deciever

- Quick author note: I’m going to be doing something slightly different, where I basically read the scenes that involved Keirr and leave a tag afterwords of pages I am going over. This will at least give you opportunity to read along with me and understand my breakdowns a little better.

- Another note: I am always using the Tumblr mobile app, so I apologize if my documents look rather funky on the computer version. I am trying to spruce them up and make them look at least somewhat good lol.

- Final note: I will be going over “Asmundr” Keirr, only a little bit though, mainly for his background. Other than that, I am focusing on “Home” Keirr. Now let’s get into it!

-

What I will be going over:

- What we know of Keirr’s history

- How he suddenly went from sweet and family oriented. Then turned into an egotistical jerk off, who stopped prioritizing family.

- A little on his personality

-

- Early History

In Keirrs early history, we know that he was born around the middle of Kiques 1st comic, Asmundr. And let me tell you, this fool has changed designs like.. 5 different times.

Ahem, anyway. Keirr is shown as the more “mature” one, compared to Rhov. In Asmundr, it is shown that he is a “decent” hunter, while him and his brother work on deer hides. He is even more reasonably suspicious than Rhov, when Jahla enters the scene and tackles Rhovanion.

When the war between Ranulfr and the Asmundr pack hit, Keirr was pretty useful and followed instructions well. Near the end of the war, you could tell he was tired of having to kill the Shield wolves, but he continued to kill. And really, that about sums up Keirrs story in Asmundr. Obviously, the first comic wasn’t about the offspring, like Home is. So I can’t really follow up with much, in “Asmundr” Keirr.

-

- Read along breakdown:

Now, we’ll be going over “Home” Keirr.

Two years had passed since “Asmundr”, so I feel the rest of this information does not qualify for Keirrs early history section.

Too begin.. Keirr and his family are dropped off on Aedra, they are not given a time limit of how long this lasts. All they know is, father will return at some point. Until then, they all make do and continue with their lives.

Keirr is still shown to be the more mature / family oriented guy. As everyone else decides to explore Aedra and see what they can find, Keirr decides to stay back with the Asmundr pack. Keirr at least retains his personality, for now, from Asmundr.( Page 8. Can also be seen on page 104. )

Then came the time when Zilas died, Keirr was the one to discover him first. Of course, he took it pretty hard considering that he grew up with Zilas and saw him as a brother. Of course, a lot of those crucial bonding moments us readers need are shown “off-screen”. It was never truly shown how close Keirr and Zilas were. ( Page 127 - 128 )

Fast forward to the time he discovered Aira, this is when things get juicy. For a while, Keirr was not Kiques priority and he did not make a real, solid appearance for a few chapters, up until page 138. This is when Kique decides Keirr needs a fucked up “Home” style arc next.

Keirr is seen carrying a torch, probably out mourning his loss I’d imagine.. Otherwise, idk why tf he is out late, or seen / helping anyone bury Zilas? This was the time when night beasts were a thing. Anyway! He is caught off guard by a voice, who comes from Aira, hiding. Keirr still retains his suspicious behavior, like in Asmundr and asks her to come closer, for the fire he is carrying. To his surprise, he is greeted with a badly wounded dog. Reasonably, he asks Aira if she was attacked by a feline, probably trying to see if she is the reason Zilas is dead. Quickly, his suspicions are cleared and he offers her help. ( Page 138 - 139 )

Suddenly, in video game reloading fashion, Keirr spawns at camp with Rhov and Jahla. Where the hell did Aira go? Anyway, I like that Keirr called out Rhov and Jahla for trying to throw blame around on anyone they could, for Zilas’s death. And then looking down at them, like a disappointed father. Thankfully, he is still retaining his personality at this point. I have to say though, it is interesting that Keirr decides to care for Aira alone and not bring her back to the Asmundr pack. Knowing his suspicious behavior, this might have been the better option for him. ( Page 140 - 141 )

We are then shown Keirr and Aira at her den. Keirr is definitely shown as more able bodied than Aira and attempts to help her up, when he realizes she can’t make it up on her own. His so far suspicious behavior remains intact, when he realizes her den has an odd amount of space for one dog; especially one of her size. He even tries to wiggle in some questions for her, but to no avail. He leaves Aira with supplies and is even kind enough to give her a knife and hide a hare nearby for her. ( Page 151 - 152 )

A few hours had passed, seemingly it looks like Aira tracked Keirr down and sat down with him. Keirr then opens up a little bit about Zilas and his family. The odd part for me is that, he is shown to be a family oriented guy, you’d imagine he’d want to mourn with his family? But I suppose he would rather want to mourn alone, for some odd reason. Kique tends to do a lot of important things “off-screen.” Anyway, instead of going back to his family, he chooses to mourn with a stranger. Which to me is slightly out of character of him. ( Page 160 - 161 )

A day or so later passes and suddenly Keirr is an expert in physical therapy. This scene from him looks promising, until he joins up with Whispervale. More on that later. Keirr helps Aira jump over a log and help regain her mobility. Then he decides it’s time to go back to his family, in the middle of such a primary moment? Aira then runs up and kisses him to stop him from leaving. Then he subtly gloats at her about how he is her “only chance of survival”, I mean what a nice thing to say lol. I feel this is when Keirr starts acting out of character, but it isn’t super noticeable yet. I’m also not quite sure why he said she couldn’t join the pack, Kainan would have saw no problem with it? Then he contradicts himself by saying he’ll continue taking care of her, but can’t leave his family to care for a stranger, all in the same breath? What? lol. ( Page 197 - 199 )

Keirr then finally discovers that the Asmundr pack is no longer there. Also, it’s kind of funny how it foreshadows the reindeer being dead in the fourth panel, but magically they’re still alive when Ronja gives them to the Deer humpers. Not only this, but it’s way too soon for the Reindeer to leave behind bones? Or why didn’t Keirr notice them while he visited the territory? Another plot hole lol. ( Page 226 )

Then Keirr suddenly decides he wants to go back to Aira, even after being a subtle dick to her. He notices that she is no longer in the vicinity and begins looking for her instead. Contradicting himself again, because he just told her he wouldn’t leave his family for a stranger. So why does he choose to go after Aira instead and not start looking for his family? Hm. ( Page 235 )

At least Keirr was nice enough to go searching for her.. But he comes across her re-possessing herself with the monster she was previously. Aira explains that she can’t survive without it. Keirr added salt to that wound by saying previously, he was her only chance of survival and then dipping out on her. Reasonably though, Keirr stops her from completing the ritual. Once he is able to pull her away from the spirit, he comforts her and makes sure to tell her that he is here for her. Boy what a damn 180 that happens in the future! Keirr then discovers Aira’s background and what she use to be, they share a tender moment together and then apologize for their previous actions. ( Probably the one and only time you’ll see that in this comic. ) Then Keirr suddenly decides she can join the pack, because it was always an option, Keirr was just being a dick. And with that, Keirr invites her to look for his family with him. Aira is able to offer some advice, as she has previously traveled the entire island in her beast form. ( Page 267 - 276 )

Here comes the total 180 of Keirr, when Aira shows him the way to Whispervale. Suddenly Keirr spouts out “We should ask them to join their pack!” Wtf?? Even Aira asks him why, just ask them if they have seen his family. Then for some reason Keirr wants to use Whispervale for their resources before continuing, but in the same breath wants to join their Tribe? None of what he just said to Aira made sense to me. Obviously Aira is uncomfortable, but Keirr doesn’t give a shit lol. Once Whispervale approaches them, Keirr asks if they can join their Tribe. Keirr then attempts to gain sympathy from Fraujar, but rightfully he gets none. Fraujar makes a statement to Keirr that the health of his tribe is everything to him, and he needs more from them than what they have shown Fraujar. Fraujar then assigns Felidae to get them acquainted with everything. Not sure what Keirr or Kique are thinking in this moment, as this is a total 180 from Keirr and his plans.( Page 311 - 314 )

Time passes for the pair and of course Aira asks Keirr when they are leaving Whispervale. Seems she’s the one that adopted Keirrs old personality, cause she’s the only one eager enough to go find them. Of course Keirr shuts her down with a bullshit excuse. “We need stability!” Not sure why he suddenly is against his own idea of searching for his family and staying with Whispervale. I mean what else did he expect trying to find them? Aira is obviously uncomfortable joining a Tribe she did not want, but again, Keirr doesn’t care. Finally their right of passage comes and Aira is the first one to participate. Aira is once again expressing she is UNCOMFORTABLE, before her trial begins. Keirr tries to reassure her, but beyond face value, Aira is stuck there because of his dumbass, unwilling at that. Of course Aira doesn’t do very well in her trial, Fraujar then says her character can be improved, but her structure is… Not up to parr. Then Keirr is all like “Oh she just needs to be trained!” Homie, did you not listen to anything Aira has said previously? She was BORN like this, she can’t just magically work out and get better. That’s not how disabilities work, idiot. ( And would you imagine it, Kique is actually an ableist and no wonder Airas character was handled like this! Go on! Read Stazz / Zirvasitys documents on her relationship with the kind hearted author! ) ( Page 326 - 331 )

Tch, anyway. Aira is obviously disappointed, she told Keirr and even expressed to Keirr that she did not want to join this tribe. I would imagine being in her shoes, she feels unheard, but tried to please Keirr anyway, only to fail. Then of course came Keirrs time and suddenly we’re shown a flashback between Keirr and his father. Of course, this was never shown in Asmundr, or Home. Suddenly Kainan and Keirr found time to actually give a shit about reindeer behavior. ANYWAY. Keirr is oddly confident in larping, how did the confident, son of Kainan, shield wolf killer end up in this situation lmfao. Of course, to nobodies surprise, Keirr nails the trial, he still loses the fight against Raun and everyone is buddy - buddy. ( Page 332 - 336 )

The next scene that follows, we have Raun shouting out at Keirr, saying he looks good and can pass as a guard if he keeps it up. Tbh, this seemed friendly at first, but watching the way Raun interacts with Keirr in the future, makes me feel like Raun is the neighborhood creep lol. Aira then comes out of the hut, her scars completely healed. Keirr is at least somewhat more supportive in this page, but future Keirr is nothing but a prick. ( Page 345 )

Fast forward to chapter 10, we finally see Keirr again, because all of chapter nine was about dumbass Rogio. Ahem. We actually see some progress from Keirr, at least keeping his word to himself. But the odd part is, he brought Raun and not Aira? First of all, Keirr hardly knows Raun and Aira understood the whole situation a lot better than Raun. Soooo.. Odd choice in bringing Raun. ( Would like to add really quick, I know Fraujar assigned Raun to follow Keirr, but why tf would Aira not come either? ) Raun is more dead weight anyway, because he’s being a giant wussy about being in that area anyway. Not even allowing Keirr to scope out the area, completely. And Keirr is just laughing about it, like cmon man, I would imagine you would want to potentially comb through the area, not cater to some giant wuss like Raun. ( Page 458 - 460 )

And to nobodies surprise, the next scene that involves Keirr is a flirty Raun. He tries to encourage Keirr to let loose and have some fun, which would have been cool if it had stayed as a friendship kind of thing. But yet again, Kique force feeds us another MxM ship. At one point, if Kique had kept up with the Rhovanion x Rogio arc that he was hinting at, at some point. All of his main male characters would have been gay. Which is obviously unrealistic, not impossible! But unrealistic. Honestly, I take Raun as a fucking creep. You hardly know anything about Keirr and yet, here he is trying to make flirty gestures and tell Keirr he’s avoiding him. As a woman, to my fellow women, any time a man points out that you’ve been avoiding him, a very creepy vibe showers over us. ( Page 478 - 479 )

Then to nobodies surprise again, Keirr is suddenly able to pin Raun, even though Raun was seen to be a lot stronger than Keirr in his trial. Aaaaand of course, Keirr reciprocates Rauns flirting by responding to him in a sexual manner, “I’m the lead sarv now.” However, in the future Keirr becomes more of an asshole at Raun from this point. ( Page 480 )

Ah now this scene just pisses me off and makes me want to throw Keirr off a cliff. Aira is seen laying around, presumably missing Keirr, I’m sure. Or, just wondering where he went. When she catches sight of him returning, she is understandably excited to see him. The one guy that helped her out with everything, in her worst times. The one guy that made her stop from becoming a beast again.. Shits on her entirely. Eyup, you heard it right. Apparently, getting people totally dependent on you and then being a giant asshole, is something Kique favors doing. Aira of course asks Keirr where he went, Keirr is suddenly acting like the biggest ass to Aira. Which tbh, he has no right doing. HE is the REASON she is there, in the first place. She has EXPRESSED to him NUMEROUS times she is uncomfortable with the tribe, but yet, he took her cries for help and rolled them up and tossed them like newspaper. What a god damn jerk Keirr is. And of course, Aira is understandably upset. Keirr basically told her to fuck off and go make her own friends. Even tho a few chapters ago, he was seen cuddling and holding her, telling her he was there for her. FUCK you Keirr. ( Page 481 - 482 )

In the next scene, Keirr then wants to play a pity party for himself, sitting in the rain, all sad looking. Like he didn’t cause this whole situation for himself. Nothing told this jackass to join Whispervale and stop searching for his family, he did it all himself! So really, why tf is he sitting there acting all depressed? Get off your ass and go look for them! Nobody told you that you couldn’t? Honestly, he’s lucky that Aira still gives a damn about him, even after he treated her like utter dog shit. Then, while Keirr is acting like a baby, Zilas makes an appearance and Keirrs dumbass thinks it’s a grand idea to talk to the ghoul. It’s kind of interesting to me how Zilas is still mostly recognizable.. You would think by now he’d peel his skin off, you know, like what Fjordor said that ghouls do. Zilas has been dead for quite a while. Aira then witnesses all of this and comes to his aid, banishing the ghoul. Keirr then suddenly gets all butt hurt about it and snarls at Aira. Okay, I get it, you’re mourning dude, but I would have figured you’d have some logic / sense to know that Zilas.. IS NOT ZILAS! Keirr even asked the ghoul what he could do, like the damn thing can talk back to him. Honestly, Aira should have just let the ghoul tear Keirr up to shreds and save us all the drama lmfao. And one last thing, when Keirr says he saw that ghoul before, but didn’t recognize it. GIRL WHERE? ( Page 515 - 517 )

Suddenly, Keirr is the master of establishing the differences in the ghouls sounds and can still hear Zilas. Also, when Aira mentions that she lived with the Meteor Tribe, really that opened up way too many questions about her that I’d like to ask. But anyway. Aira gives some speech to Keirr about how MT basically fucked around and found out with the spirits. Then a conversation falls into place about burning Zilas’s body on MT land, which ew, his body im sure would be pretty rotted away by now. But this also brings me to another question, what are the ghouls made of? Are they a manifestation of the soul? They quite obviously can’t be their former bodies, because if that were the case, they wouldn’t even find Zilas’s body, as he would have risen and been a ghoul. Another fat question for this comic and I’m not even sure if this was talked about? ( I’ll be honest with you, I forget if this part was talked about. ) ( Page 518 - 519 )

And here we go with the sexual tension between these two idiots, Keirr and Raun. Raun is a full on creep already, but really Keirr is the big asshole here. Previously, Raun asked him out, as he mentioned before the trip, to Felidae and Aira. So instead of.. Idk, not leading Raun on, what does Keirr do? Hugs him and shares a tender moment with him. Oh trust me guys, it gets fucking worse from this point. And I will continue to say that Raun is a creep, but even he doesn’t deserve to be led on. I also don’t remember Raun asking Keirr out, but I’ll just assume that was yet another important off screen moment. This is also yet another rushed, no chemistry ship crammed down our throats by Kique. ( Page 526 )

So finally we get to the part where they eventually burn Zilas’s body, Aira asks Keirr if he wants to say something and of course! Nothing. It’s almost like any time someone dies in this comic, proper funerals don’t exist. Granted, Keirr just said “I love you, brother.” But when given the opportunity before hand, he was like eh, I don’t have shit to say lmao. ( Page 528 )

Fast forward to a year, I mean 3 months later ( in Keirrs arc ). Of course, in another off screen moment, supposedly Keirr and the others returned to Whispervale and told Fraujar what happened. In my opinion, I feel like some punishment should have been bestowed upon them, or at least show Fraujar being upset with them for doing this behind his back. It would have shown more character from Fraujar and also shown Keirr getting his ass chewed out, by bringing all this unnecessary drama and bullshit into Whispervale. Keirr is also being another nosy ass, listening in on his Jarls discussion. Within the midst of this, Ferah makes her appearance. Keirr miraculously still remembers her and asks what the hell happened. I almost forgot that Keirr and Ferah met previously, because they literally didn’t say anything to each other lol. ( Page 566 - 567 )

Oh boy, here comes the cringiest scene that involves Keirr. Keirr steps away for a moment, after watching Ferah, once Felidae walks in. Ferah wakes up and of course is spooked, cause she doesn’t know wtf is going on. Somehow they both remember each others names, though I don’t remember them ever sharing their names to each other previously. Anyway, Keirr asks Ferah questions about Roamer and Ferah tells him that Ronja and Roamer are at MT. Of course, Keirr gets excited and quite frankly I’m surprised he didn’t smell them before, because Keirr was literally in their territory a few months back, but whatever! Ferah then tells Keirr they’ve both been strong and bla bla. Keirr of course tries to take off, being this annoying problem child as usual. If I were Fraujar I would be so annoyed with Keirr lmfao. Of course you can’t just take off like that, from your tribe, which YOU wanted to join. Raun stops Keirr from running off and what follows after is a recipe for fucking disaster lol. Keirr ends up kissing Raun, further leading the king of creeps on. Keirr KNOWS that Raun likes him, so apparently kissing him out of emotional excitement is a totally normal thing to do. Especially when you know that person has a CRUSH on you and yet you don’t reciprocate it! No, no, it’s totally okay to lead on someone who has feelings for you! ( Page 572 - 576 )

Damn near 100 pages later and we finally see Keirr again. Course, nothing has changed with him. Raun and Keirr are seen in a hut together, Raun is basically asking Keirr what they are, because I mean.. They touched tongues, lmfao. But that was because of Keirr throwing himself at Raun, so really I don’t blame Raun for asking. Now in Keirrs defense, I don’t know why tf Raun is grabbing Keirr like that, when asking him a question, so I mean Keirrs response is a little valid, when he yells at Raun. But the blame still lies with Keirr, because this whole time he has led Raun on, but at the same time Raun has been a giant freaking creep bag as well. They are then interrupted when Keirr walks out and runs into Fraujar, standing there, needing to talk to Keirr. ( Page 640 - 641 )

A few pages later, we see a non emotional reunion between Keirr, Ronja and Roamer. I mean god, all of their expressions are so god damn bland. Y’all haven’t seen each other in months, but let’s just 1,000 yard stare at each other, BEAUTIFUL. ( Page 645 - 646 )

Fast waaaay forwards, to more important scenes involving Keirr. After Rhov and Keirr’s reunion, we are graced with a scene where Rhov and Feaf are telling Keirr that MT might get attacked… This fucking idiot. So instead of putting this whole thing on top priority, Keirr just brushes it off and is like.. I’Ll TeLl FrAuJaR iN tHe MoRnInG. Dumbass, how do you know if they are attacking MT? Feaf literally said they might come to Whispervale? How does Keirr know they aren’t literally waiting in ambush, that very moment? HE DOESNT. So instead of putting his family top priority, like he probably should’ve, he decides to talk about his relationship status. What a great fucking family member / tribe member he is. On top of this, “figuring himself out.” I think you know where you stand, buddy. This whole scene though, Keirr was an idiot. He doesn’t even show the slightest BIT of concern for his family / MT. Let’s act depressed af, because he didn’t know where everyone was, but as soon as he finds them and they could potentially be in danger, ah, let’s wait to warn others till morning! ( Page 788 - 791 )

Finally Keirr and Whispervale show up, but yall are too damn late already. ( Page 808 )

And that about sums up my read along breakdown!

-

- Personality Breakdown

So looking over Keirrs personality traits really gives me some mixed feelings. To be honest, I can’t say that he is independent. Not anymore at least, he was the one that decided he wanted to join Whispervale, he even went against his own independent idea of searching for his family. So for me, he is neither logical, independent OR family - oriented.

A few of these other positive personality traits really haven’t been tested thru the fire, so I can’t really say what he is or isn’t. Mainly because Kique does not focus much on Keirr, like he does with the jackasses of MT and former MT members.

To put it all in perspective though, Keirr was a pretty solid character in Asmundr and in the beginning of Home. Unfortunately, he too fell victim of Kiques weird kinks / fans and became a whole contradiction to himself and his own personality traits.

-

And that is the end ladies and gentlemen! Hope you enjoy :)

- Zombiee

[mashed4077]

I’ve had a thought nagging at me ever since I first watched ‘Death Takes a Holiday’ and it’s been driving me a little crazy.

My thought is this: when the wounded flood in and the nightmare starts up again, Father Mulcahy, for all his purity and good-naturedness... takes on the role of an angel of death figure.

When Mulcahy tries to do the last rites on the dying soldier in ‘Death Takes a Holiday’, B.J. tells him, “No. You can’t have him yet.” It made me realize that from the doctors’ perspective, if Mulcahy closes in because things are looking dire, that means that they lost. They have to give their patient up. They failed.

It’s not just that episode. It’s also in the way he’s always present in the OR, as crucial a presence as the doctors or nurses, always lingering... in case someone dies. Waiting for someone to die. He’s also there to help if he’s needed for orderly duties, of course, and I’m sure he’s also praying for things to go well - but the main reason he’s there every single time, on hand even when there’s only a few causalities and everyone’s assistance isn’t necessary, is if someone doesn’t make it. He considers that a sacred task, and within his occupation, it is. But for the doctors, his stepping in to do his job means that they failed at theirs, and they lost the life.

On a spiritual level, really, if the healing of the physical body by the doctors fails, then the priest steps in to try to provide benediction to the soul, right? Being a man of faith, Mulcahy believes that’s just as critical, that a soul’s just as if not more important than the body, and it’s a solemn task but one that probably gives him a modicum of consolation, that he’s provided a service that’s essential within his world, and that he was there to provide that to the fallen in their final moments. But none of the surgeons who’d be torn up over losing a patient (aka all of them except Frank) are particularly religious. We don’t know if they believe in a heaven or not. It doesn’t matter to them that Mulcahy’s providing something to the soul, or that the soldier they couldn’t save may be in a better place. At the end of the day, they’ve still got a dead kid on their table, and that weight’s on them.

And it’s not just the last rites. The doctors handle the wounded living; Mulcahy is seemingly the person within the camp who’s in charge of the deceased. In one episode he explicitly mentions serving as the Summary Court Officer for one of the fallen young men: a Summary Court Officer is “a commissioned officer appointed to handle the personal property and effects of deceased personnel.” We see him do this in multiple episodes; Radar and other corpsman usually take care of the living soldier’s belongings (which Mulcahy sometimes assists with), but Mulcahy’s the one we see boxing up the belongings of the deceased to ship them back to their families. He’s often the one who writes the letter that lets them know they’ve lost a son. 

As much as all of them hurt for the lives they can’t save, Hawkeye and B.J. get to escape back to the Swamp right after and drown it away with booze, and Radar gets to stare down at a statistic in his report and wonder how a little number could possibly constitute an entire human being - but Mulcahy’s the one shifting through the remnants of a stolen life, trying to find a way to be tactful about something heart-breaking and maybe even life-ruining. He has that burden on him. He’s the one holding the hands of murdered eighteen year olds as they breathe their last breaths, something arguably more personal and intimate than rifling around in anonymous insides like the surgeons do - but that’s not even the end of it. It doesn’t end there. Because afterwards, in his duty to inform the families of their loss, he’s forced to inflict an impossibly painful wound. Can you imagine repeatedly writing letters that, when opened, will bring people to their knees with grief? Worse yet, the depersonalization of it? Especially for someone as people-oriented as Mulcahy. Maybe it’s better, not having to look them in the eye when you tell them, not having to see their initial pain, like a doctor would at a normal hospital after a surgery proved fatal or a person succumbed to a sickness. In both cases, you don’t have to see them after. You tell them the news and you don’t have to stick around to see the years and years of grief.

But there’s a different pain, for the surgeons and for Mulcahy, in how much they care about people, in being forced to do this repeatedly, endlessly, until the causalities all blur, until the deaths don’t even hurt anymore, until forgetting is possible and you realize the family would’ve got the letter last week and you forgot to send a prayer their way. He doesn’t just feel useless - he’s being forced to actively inflict pain. No other priest besides a war chaplain would have that responsibility. As often as a confession goes well and he offers a recovering soldier some peace, does it even balance out? Does a smile and some relief make up for being forced to play ferrymen to the dead?

It’s an impossible task... and it’s never even dwelled on or given focus. He just lives with that. 

Really makes me think about all those times he’s stood in such a way that one of the OR lights lit his head up like a halo.

[dyns33]

Fucking fate - ending 1

Vaas x soulmate Y/N 

I had two ending in mind, so this is Y/N’s ending 

Everything had happened very quickly.

One day Vaas was the king of Rook Island, or at least the part that Hoyt let him control. The next day Carlos was leading Y/N quickly away from camp because Snow White was attacking and it was too dangerous to stay here.

Vaas' order.

Vaas, whose death was announced a few hours later throughout the island.

This news came as a shock to Y/N. She had imagined that people felt something when their soulmate died. A vibe. The breaking heart. Anything. But no, a pirate had given the news, which had echoed in the cave where the small group was hiding, and panic had gripped everyone.

Always calm and loyal, Carlos stayed close to her, awkwardly patting her on the back. Then, when the others had been too busy wondering what they were going to do, not paying attention to them, he had led her to the square, asking Benny to follow him.

Of all the pirates, Carlos and Benny respected their boss the most. Even dead, they weren't going to stop.

They went to a small port that the Rakyats had not taken yet, where a boat was waiting for them.

     "Well, you go in with her and take her to the embassy of her nearest country. Then, you do what you want." Carlos announced with a straight face.

     "But... And you ?!"

     "Relax, princessa. I'm staying here, trying to kill Snow White and regain control of the camps. You're leaving. You're going to live your life somewhere else, safe. That's what the boss would have wanted. Benny, you don't leave her until you're sure she's safe."

     "Of course not. I remember the time she met a tiger. The boss broke my nose and three ribs. I'll follow her like her shadow."

     "Good. Go, now !"

This was the last time Y/N saw Carlos, and Rook Island.

As promised, Benny stayed with her until she found herself in front of an office surrounded by soldiers, bureaucrats and doctors, who asked her many questions, checked on her and called her relatives to tell them that she was alive.

That was the last time she saw Benny. Before letting her into the embassy, he had wished her good luck, telling her that he was going back to Rook. He couldn't leave his hermanos like a coward.

Her family and friends were all very happy to find her. They took her in their arms, kissed her and repeated to her that they had missed her very much, crying.

Y/N cried too, realizing that she hadn't thought of them at all during the time she had spent on Rook, focused on Vaas, her soulmate, who was dead. She hadn't had time to mourn him before, in shock.

She didn't tell anyone about him. For ten years, everyone around her thought that she had been captured by pirates who had treated her well, that she had managed to escape, and that she could now resume a normal life, with the hope of meet her soulmate one day.

It was torture.

Every night she dreamed of the times they had spent together. Of the last time she had seen him.

     "Fucking Jason is coming, nena. He's crazy, worse than me. I don't want... As soon as the alarm goes off, you go with Carlos, okay ? You go with Carlos and you stay with him until let me come to get you."

     "Why don't you come with me ?" she asked, as if at that moment she knew very well that he wouldn't come back.

     "I have to face him. It's crazy, I must be as crazy as him, I've killed him four times and he's still here. We won't be safe until he's completely dead. I have no choice, mi corazon. But don't be afraid, I won't let anyone hurt you."

He had kissed her forehead and he had hurt her forever by losing his stupid fight. He could have just come with her, they would have left this cursed island and they would have been happy.

Unable to lead a normal life after what she had been through, Y/N traveled extensively. She didn't go back to Rook, there was nothing for her there, and besides she avoided most of the islands, but she couldn't stay in one place for too long.

That was how she found herself near the border of Yara.

It was out of the question to go to Yara of course, too dangerous. It was totally a coincidence that Y/N happened to be in this bar near the beach.

 A coincidence, if it was a place frequented by the smugglers. A coincidence, if that day, two of them were right next to her at the counter, speaking Spanish.

Coincidence, or fate.

The voice of one of the men sounded familiar. Turning her head, she saw his back, but she could see his Mohawk, his scars, and the tennis ball with a face sticking out of his pocket.

His colleague noticed her watching them, waving at the man, who turned his green eyes in her direction. They stared at each other for an eternity.

He had aged. Normal, after ten years. He looked tired, even more tired than when she had met him. Maybe darker too, less crazy, even if the tennis ball showed he wasn't in his right mind.

     "... Vaas ?" she managed to say, not trusting her voice, nor her eyes.

As on the island, everything happened very quickly. One moment her soulmate was dead, the other Vaas lifted her off the ground, spinning her around the bar, not listening to her cries of panic, before kissing her again and again.

     "Nena ! Y/N, mi Y/N ! You're alive ? Are you really here ?! Pedro, she's really here ?!"

     "I don't know who's this girl, but yes, she's here." sighed his colleague. "We shouldn't attract attention, remember ?"

     "Shit, shut the fuck up, that's my mate and I thought she was dead. Fucking Carlos, he wasn't in the cave anymore when I managed to drag myself in. No trace of you left ! Then I found his body. That asshole got killed by the Rakyats. I was sure... Oh, mi amor ! You're alive ! The world was so bland without you ! I feel like to be reborn !"

     "You really can't do this anywhere else ?" the other smuggler begged, as everyone in the bar looked at them.

They walked to the beach, Vaas refusing to let go of her hand, as if she would disappear if he didn't touch her. He had often had visions of her, he wasn't sure it wasn't a dream.

     "Carlos and Benny sent me away from the island when they found out... Everyone thought you were dead." Y/N whispered, letting him rub his head against her neck like a big cat.

     "I thought I was dead too, but Brody's not good with a knife. I almost died, but it wasn't the first time I got stabbed. Did they really make you leave ? Shit, I should have buried Carlos instead of spitting on him. I was pissed. He could have left a note to tell me !"

     "You were dead."

     "Still !" Vaas said indignantly, finally calming down a bit, resting his head on her shoulder. "It was hard, nena. I lost everything that day. My island, my men, and you. I wanted to kill Jason, but my sister was faster. It was over. I thought about jumping off a cliff, but it wasn't a nice ending. I thought you wouldn't be happy. So I left. I wanted to visit your hometown, but I couldn't. Hurt too much. Shit, hermosa, you're here ! You're really here ! Hey... No, don't cry, querida, don't cry."

Y/N didn't listen to him, hugging him while sobbing. It was hard to know if it was joy, stress, or a bit of both.

Like when they were on the island, the first few nights when she cried a lot, Vaas massaged her back, kissing her neck and repeating reassuring words, singing a lullaby in Spanish, until she calmed down. 

     "Are you... Are you staying with me this time ?" she asked shyly.

     "Of course. You're coming to Yara ? I have a small house near a lake. I built it myself. It's quiet, not far from the village and the sea. Little Vaas and I go there often."

     "Little Vaas ?"

     "Yes, I'll introduce him to you. I've told him a lot about you, he'll be happy to meet you. And I'm Vaas the nice smuggler, I help people. Well, I still sell drugs and drugs. weapons, and I transport humans, but because they ask me to, I don't sell them ! No more piracy, I'm clean. Almost."

     "... And if I don't want to go to Yara ?"

They had this discussion about Rook Island. Vaas refused to leave, he loved his kingdom too much. Now they were very far away, they had changed. He looked at her intensely, before nodding, cupping her face in his hands with a very serious expression.

      “We'll go where you want, mi reina."

     "Well... I want to see your house. And meet little Vaas."

     "Nena, if this is a dream, please don't let me wake up."

He then pressed his forehead against hers, before kissing her and pressing his head against his chest again, to listen to her heart, with the sound of the waves in the background, and Y/N also hoped that she was not not dreaming.

She imagined them in Vaas' cabin, which was probably not very well built, with little Vaas, who must have been a dog or a tiger. Heaven.

     "Well, that's cute, but we're going to be late !" shouted the other smuggler who was standing near the bar, to give them some privacy.

     "Pedro is boring." said a small voice. "He's not as cool as Carlos."

     "That's right, little Vaas." replied Vaas, resuming his normal voice. "Too bad he died, he was nice and he protected my nena. It's not fair."

     "... The tennis ball in your pocket is little Vaas, right ? You don't have a tiger." "You want a tiger, nena ?"

     "No. I want to go home." she whispered, even though she had already been there since he had jumped on her in front of everyone.

[toomanybandstocare]

{Who's The Coward Now}

Program: Even though the medic somehow always finds a way to get under your skin, you hold a deep respect for Kix. That may have begun to turn into something more than a professional admiration. Until it shatters after an argument that continues onto the battlefield. Heated words are exchanged, but you'd rather hear him yelling at you than the radio silence that answers when you try to call him.

Pairing: Medic Kix x Support Agent, GN! Reader

Genre: Angst

Length: 3967w

Warnings: Reader and Kix say pretty hurtful things to each other because they care about each other type of deal, Battle scene, Medical scene, Couple of swears (as usual lmao)

Camp Resolute Masterlist

Counselor Notes: Thank you to @wizardofrozz for your help on this as a thought partner. It was so helpful & @obixwan, I hope you enjoy! Not too sure how I feel about this one tbh, but I am pretty happy with it.

“You have to be more careful,” Kix reprimands you. Though his hands carefully hold your head, he can’t control the anger burning through his veins. With one hand still holding your head, he tosses the blood soaked gauze and quickly takes another from his medical table. Pressing the fresh swab onto the cut on your forehead, Kix hesitates when you wince. His gaze softens momentarily and mumbles an apology.

“We all have a job to do, Kix,” you hoarsely explain, “I wasn’t about to sit on the side lines as our friends took their last breath”.

Kix pauses after placing a plaster on the small wound and looks away from it to meet your serious expression with one of disbelief. “We all have a job to do, but it doesn’t mean we have to sacrifice ourselves for nothing”.

“For nothing,” you exclaim and push his caring hands away. 

His careless words cause your blood to boil as you look at him incredulously. In any other situation your stomach would have fluttered from his cute, wide eyed expression. Instead, knots twist your stomach as bile builds in the back of your throat.

“I would lay down my life without second thought to keep you and your family safe, Kix,” your voice breaks. “You and your brothers mean so much. Not just to each other, or to me, but to countless people across the galaxy. You have to understand that”. 

You reach out with a shaky hand to try to hold onto him, but Kix ducks his head and steps away from you.

His weak voice murmurs your name before he says barely above a whisper, “We are nothing, but a surplus of pawns”.

Kix darts his tongue across his lip and swallows the lump forming in his throat. Everything feels numb and too much all at once. Pin pricks sting his skin. The fluorescent lights cause a dull ache to pound against his head. His heart shatters, and the pieces slash him from the inside.

With a shaky breath, Kix turns away from you and begins to clean his medical table. “When one of us dies, one thousand more run onto the battlefield to replace us. Clones are nothing, but cogs in the Republic’s machine. You have to understand that. There is no reason for you to risk your life for one of us when there are a million of me,” Kix explains and pulls his gaze from the bloody scraps that stain his fingers to look over at you. 

Your heart pluments, and you open your mouth to try to reason with him. His raised hand and defeated smile silences you. “There is only one of you in this galaxy. I have no control over my life, or even how I die. The semblance of control I have is by helping my brothers and civvies when they need aid,” Kix’s voice subtly shakes as his eyes scan over your bandaged wound, “Do not put your life at risk for some clone”. Bile builds in the back of his throat as the memory of an assassin droid jumping at you and nearly cutting your life short. Just another reason he owes Jesse his life.

Your eyes sting as you look at the man who stands before you, completely unrecognizable in front of the one who has slowly been stealing your heart much to your dismay. Instead of the teasing, know it all of a medic, you see a man hiding behind the mask of his fallen brothers.  “You are so wrong,” you firmly breath out. “And if you can't realize how much you--or your brothers-- have to offer the galaxy for just existing as individuals, then you’re truly pathetic,” you spit out. 

As if your words cut him, Kix staggers a step backwards. Your steely gaze freezes him in place as you stand up from the cot. “Not because you are a clone,” you continue with a growing fire in your voice, “Because you are a coward of a man who would rather fall into society’s place and play the victim. I hear your lies, and I see right through you, Kix. You are afraid of what happens next after the war, so you’re pushing me away. You’re isolating yourself to put the blame on yourself and the situation rather than trying to make the best of it and make a difference”. 

Kix clutches the edge of the cold durasteel table. Your words tear down the reality he’s tried to come to terms with. His head spins as his lungs seem to be weighed down as he desperately tries to breathe. He opens his mouth to try to … explain himself? No, that doesn’t seem right. But there’s nothing to defend, right? 

“If you’re even thinking about trying to convince me that you’re right in this situation,” your voice trembles with anger, “I am walking out that door”. There’s a beat of silence as the two of you look at each other. Even with the ventilation fan whirring in the background, the air hangs heavy in a thick blanket. Kix turns his back to you to continue cleaning his workstation.

Without second thought, you turn on your heel and walk swiftly out of the medbay. A blistering heat washes over you, and only once weaving through the starship’s corridors do you feel like you can breathe again.

Fog consumes the battlefield, and the tense atmosphere weighs down on your shoulders. You peer around the boulder you’ve taken shelter behind. Blaster bolts cut through the thick blanket of mist. Surveying the area, your eyes widen when a red beam shoots toward you. With your heart pounding in your throat, you throw yourself backwards for cover once more. A flurry of embers kiss the arm you use to block the scorching rock fragments and debris flying around you from the blast. 

“We need you to infiltrate the ray shields three klicks North of your position,” General Skywalker’s voice crackles through your comlink. Echoes of reflected blaster bolts and battalion commands blend in disharmony behind his tired words.

“Easier said than done,” you yell through gritted teeth. Pushing into the balls of your feet and clenching your fists, you push from your crouched position and take off across the crumbled terrain. “I can’t see a damned thing,” you relay back to the battalion as you duck away from a blitz of crossfire, “Some guidance would be helpful”.

“I can spare Kix and Jesse, but we’re not exactly in a better position than you,” Rex grunts followed by a deafening explosion.

A spear of panic pierces your pounding heart. Why does it have to be Kix? Any other clone--hell, any other 501st trooper--would be better than him. 

Your feet slam into the barren wasteland as you push further into the battle. Troopers collapse all around you while clankers melt from blasters. No one is safe in this hellscape. Not man. Not machine. Not you.

You weave past the scattered soldiers, and some yell out to you in the haze.

“What are you doing?”

“Turn back now”.

“We can hold them off, fall back behind lines”.

“I told you not to do anything risky,” one voice rings clear in all the chaos. Footsteps fall in time with your own as you near the ray shields, now just ahead of you past the enemy defense.

“I’m following orders, Kix,” you wheeze. Your lungs scream for air as you duck out of the way of an onslaught of blaster shots. “Something you seem all too familiar with,” you say through gritted teeth.

“Why did you volunteer for this,” Kix hissed over his shoulder. He raises his gun to help his brother clear a path for the three of you to infiltrate the enemy’s inner lines.

With a haggard grunt, Jesse throws a shock grenade towards the surrounding droids to clear the last of the blockade. “If you haven’t noticed,” he yells, “we’re a bit preoccupied. Finish this spat when we’re in the next system, far away from this shit”.

Unable to tell if the surge of determination coursing through your veins comes from Kix’s words or the sight of possible victory, you break from the two troopers to push ahead. “I need you to flank my sides,” you say into your comlink, “we’re nearly to the center, and I’ll be able to set up the explosives. I just need you to keep the fire off of me”.

“Ten-four,” Jesse responds.

Through the roar of war, the static of your comlink rings in your ears. Filling you with dread, you hit it a few times to make sure it’s not broken.

“Kix?” you question. A gnawing pit of anxiety bubbles in your stomach when met with static. “Jesse,” you try the other channel, “Is Kix with you?”

Your skin tingles when you step through the shield barrier. Scanning the area, your eyes lock onto the target control area and power supplies. You sprint towards the control panel first, and you fumble with the protective plate before connecting the first explosive.

“What?” he asked in confusion. You hear heavy gunfire crackle through mixed with the trooper’s strained breathing. “No,” Jesse pushes out, “Saw him break off to your West when you gave the command. East generator is cleared”.

Each step you take to the East power supply is met with no resistance. With just a few strides, you reach the generator and connect the explosive to its side. Shifting your weight, you push off and run to the West generator. As blasters and explosive shells ring in your ears, your heart pounds. Prickles of fear sting your skin. He has to be there.

“Right behind you,” Jesse shouts, “Heard anything from Kix?”

“Radio silence,” you yell over your shoulder. When you face forward again, the fog billows and folds over itself as some of the enemy land cruisers shoot off into the distance. This could be it. At the thought of reaching the last moments of battle, you attach the last explosive and grab the detonator from your utility belt. Jesse stands tall as he shoots down any stray droid emerging from the shield barrier. With a click, you sync the charges and motion Jesse to move out.

“Kix, meet at the West cliff cave. The charges are set and prepped,” you shout into your comlink over the battle’s cacophony. Once again, only static hums in response. You shoot Jesse a look of confusion. Your com channels work fine, even with the frequency interference, so why was Kix suddenly unreachable? Is he really that petty to ignore com calls after our last conversation? You scoff and duck behind one of the boulder stacks inside the cave. Your heart pounds against its cage as you look over to Jesse on the other side.

“Have you gotten through to that idiot,” you shout with a shaky voice.

Jesse taps the side of his bucket a few times. “No,” his words slowly come out as he thinks, “But those droids will be getting close to the charges by now. I don’t think we can spare him anymore time”.

“What if he gets caught in the blast? We have to wait for him,” your response tumbles without thought from your chapped lips. 

“We have a job to do,” Jesse reminds you as he tilts his head. “Kix is smart. He knows about the charges, and he won’t do something reckless”.

You bite your lip and look at the detonator in your hand. A cold wave of uncertainty wash over you that stings your skin with the scorching blood coursing through your veins.

“Why are you hesitating? Set them off now, or we’ll all be in trouble,” Jesse yells. Panic pushes past his usually cool demeanor.

Your thumb presses down on the small button, and you shut your eyes as a deafening whirlwind overcomes the chaos. A powerful gust of wind pushes through the cave’s entry way bringing flames and debris with it. The heat swelters around you and constricts your lungs. Sweat drips across your skin. You try to steady your haggard breathing, but the smoke lingering in the air burns the inside of you with each inhale.

“Status report,” a static voice faintly calls out. Its location seems to bounce through the cave, and you can barely register it above the ringing in your ears.

“Jesse,” you call out. A cough accompanies your hoarse voice. Slowly rising to a standing position, you lean against the wall to your side. The world sways underneath your feet, which only makes your head spin harder.

“Over here,” a similar voice coughs from where you last saw your squad mate. “You alright?”

Your comlink chirps, and you carefully nod your head. “Probably. You?”

“Been through worse”. Without warning, a beam of light breaks through the smoke and fog settling around the two of you. “We’re alright, Rex,” Jesse explains through the shared channel. “Lost Kix though when we broke off to clear the surrounding area near the generators”.

“We’ll keep an eye out for him, but he’s probably already at the temp medbay. Hurry over and get checked out. We’re trying to evac ASAP. This place is making everyone uneasy, and it’s time for well deserved R-and-R”.

Your stomach lurches with your first step away from the wall. As your heart plummets, the sense of uncertainty freezes into dread, and your knees buckle. Rex didn’t know where Kix was? 

“Hey- hey,” Jesse shouts your name and rushes over to you. Just as you’re about to sink into the ground, his arms catch you and hold you up. “Kriffssake, you look like you’ve just seen a ghost”.

“I need to find Kix,” you say in a rush. Everything feels sharp to the touch as you try to pull yourself away from Jesse. “Something's not right. We need to find him”. 

Jesse’s arms tighten around you as he guides your struggling form out of the hiding spot into the remnants of the battlefield. “What’s gotten into you,” he huffs. “The two of you were just arguing in the middle of an onslaught of blasterfire, and now you’re worried about him?”

An unexplainable instinct urges you to try to fight out of Jesse’s hold, but your aching muscles only want to sink into his arms. Kix may be insufferable, but he follows orders. Regardless of who gives them. “Jesse, I’m telling you- there’s something wrong. Kix isn’t okay”.

“Even if he isn’t okay-which he’s not- why do you care so much all of the sudden?” Jesse prods as he pushes you past the rubble and heaps of scrap metal.

“I’ve always cared,” you nearly shout in frustration. Your body screams in pain as you continue to shift and throw your weight to break free. Even when the ARC trooper’s hold softens, he still keeps you from running off in search of…him. What is Kix exactly? A crush is too childish for the deep respect and admiration you hold for the medic. Friend is nowhere close to describing your teasing and heated relationship. The only word that comes to mind to describe the man -- who has soft, inviting eyes and a smirk you just want to wipe away with a kiss -- would be lover. An agonized groan rumbles in your chest as you fling your body weight completely forward. “You’re not listening,” you practically scream.

“Enough,” Jesse shouts and pulls you tight into his chest as the pair of you walk through the beginnings of the Republic camp. The plastoid armor digs into your back and knocks the wind out of your chest. “Coric,” he shouts, “need you check this one out. We took in a lot of smoke and might have some minor burns”. Stares from just about everyone in the camp lock onto the two of you. A tangle of collected calmness and frantic fighting. 

Before Coric can even ask what happened, you beat him to the first word: “Where’s Kix?” Nausea rocks your stomach as Coric takes you in with a careful look.

“Wasn’t he with you,” he slowly inquires. A crease of confusion digs across his forehead as his gaze flickers between you and Jesse.

At his words, you feel Jesse simultaneously lock up and loosen his grip on you. With weak knees suddenly trying to support you, you almost wish he would hold you tighter with the news. Silence settles between the three of you with an unspoken understanding. Kix never reported for medical duty. Neither his commanding officer or his medical chief knew where he was.

“Think you can hold on a little longer,” Jesse nervously asks, looking at you.

“Didn’t even want to be here in the first place. We need to find Rex and the general,” you reply and nod.

Jesse wraps one arm around you to support you and pushes the two of you to walk faster. Dust clouds kick at your heels with each determined step. You’re going to find Kix, bring him home, and give him hell for everything he’s put you through.

 Maneuvering through the aisles of cots and further into the camp, you see Rex and Anakin stand around a makeshift command table. Datapads and a small hologram console crowd the table as the two men speak in tense, hushed tones. Both wear a grave expression that does nothing to hide their concern.

“Rex,” both you and Jesse call out in a rush. Feeling the subtle tremors shifting his armor, you wrap your arm around Jesse to pull him into your side. Both of you lean into each other. Ragged breaths rise and fall from your aching chests. The two of you hold each other up as the commanding officers face you and take a sharp inhale. A choked sound of protest tears at your throat.

“Rex,” Jesse tries again. Anger flares underneath his skin and continues to stoke his anxiety when his ori’vod won’t look him in the eye. His lip curls into a snarl. “Where’s Kix?” he growls.

Jesse’s body twitches underneath your touch, and you find yourself pulling him back as he tries to take a step towards the general and captain. Holding him back, you press your feet into the ground to try to do the same for yourself. 

If it comes down to it, neither of you are concerned about stopping the other from running anymore. Now in agreement that something is terribly wrong, both of you are prepared to even give the commanding officers hell if needed to find Kix. The two of you try to give the others the benefit of the doubt that whatever consequence the mission’s success brings, it has nothing to do with Kix’s absence.

General Skywalker exhales a deep breath as he turns to the holo-console. With a press of a button, shaky helmet-cam footage from the battle plays in front of you accompanied by Kix’s shouts. “Always calling the shots, huh,” Kix mutters under his breath before following with, “Copy”. Your eyes flicker from where you disappear out of sight from the holograph to the West power generator that shows up a few moments later. 

“Just has to have the last word, kriffsake,” Kix mutters. His helmet scans the area as he approaches the West generator. “Maybe you should come down from your throne and walk amongst the common people for a day. Nothing’s fucking good enough to you,” Kix spits out. His boot kicks a rock tumbling as he rounds the corner to clear the area. “Instead of thinking you’re all knowing, try looking in the mirror. I bet you’d shatter at the sight of your reflection. A person who’s so desperate to prove their worth to others that they insert themselves where they aren’t needed. Even when it puts their life at risk,” he groans and hits the side of his helmet with his fist. The generator hums quietly as the battle rumbles around him, but the area is void of any life. No rubble littering the coarse dirt and rocks. Not a single stray piece of metal or plastoid lurks in the mist. No immediate threats to pull Kix out of his spiraling thoughts. “Calling me a coward when they’d rather sacrifice their life, so they can die a hero rather than fight another day to be a better person”.

Kix’s words knock the wind out of you, and you stagger a step backward. Bumping into Jeese, your chest aches as you choke on your breathing. Dust and realization sting your ears as tears prick at your lash line while you watch Kix check the boulder mass just beyond the generator. As he approaches the obstacle, a blunt impact crashes into his helmet causing the footage to fizzle through static snippets. His com connection cuts in and out as Kix’s shout of surprise quickly turns into noises of combat. Until the hologram fades into the table, and you’re left with his words echoing in your head.

As if a cord has snapped, you feel as if you’re disconnected from reality. Your body feels like it weighs nothing while you do everything to balance the crippling fear trying to push you to your knees. General Skywalker and Captain Rex’s voices sound like they’re systems away even though you could reach out with your hand to either of them at the moment. 

The only thought cycling through your head -- the only thought that burns itself into your memory -- is how Kix is missing and he thinks you're a coward.

At least that’s something the two of you could agree on.

You pull your gaze from the holoconsole and look Rex dead in the eyes. Rather than the collected captain you’ve worked with so often, Rex’s apprehensive expression and concerned eyes further stoke the rising flame of determination that courses through you. The sensitive pinpricks that sting your skin heighten the sensation of breaking through your consciousness’s fog.

“So, how are we going to bring Kix back home?” you demand. The finality of your words rings clear through the camp, and the four of you share a look of mutual agreement. None of you would be returning to the Resolute without the medic.

[noir-renard]

@kiwwles you sent me an ask about fics I recommend, and I was trying to save the answer as a draft and the whole ask disappeared 🥲 I don't know if it got deleted or if I answered it privately, but since it appears all traces of it are gone, I will try to recreate it here, because I worked on it for a while and I don't know why tumblr is like this

AnYwAy, I chose two fics per category, from four categories: DPxDC, DP only, Batman (+ DC), and Other. I focused on DP/DC because I figure if you like IYGABAB, you might want to read more from those fandoms.

Here are my recs:

DPxDC

Vacation Crashers by @impyssadobsessions

Batman crashes in the wilderness following up a lead in a recent case.

Meanwhile the Fenton family was having a camping trip to celebrate Jazz's last year as a "kid", but considering who suggested the location, it spelt disaster.

Now Danny and Jazz have to survive an onslaught of ghosts, take care of an injured Batman, and while worrying about their parents.

This was the first DPxDC crossover fic I ever read; I saw Impy_'s art from this fic and I just had to know more, and now I'm happily tumbling down the rabbit hole into the wonderland that is the Danny Phantom/Batman crossover verse. Vacation Crashers is the first in a series, which is the best news ever ^w^ 10/10 recommendation!

Bat Ghost by @megaerakles

Bruce is attacked by the ghost of Batman from the future. To get to the bottom of it, he pays a visit to some prominent ghost hunters, and happens to encounter a teenaged half-ghost vigilante (?), who just *happens* to resemble Damian. A lot.

On an unrelated note, Tim Drake has done nothing wrong.

I love fics where the Batfam goes to Amity Park. It's always a good time to watch them out of their element and adapt accordingly. This is a particularly enjoyable rendition, and it's still updating, too!

DP only

Exhumed by Marsalias

AU where Danny left behind half his physical body when he half-died. (AKA Corpse AU.)

Marsalias is one of my favorite DP writers, hands down. I really love the Exhumed series in particular, though; the world-building is excellent, the OCs are wonderful, and the writing is skillful.

Trust Your Instincts by @peachdoxie

A new kind of danger threatens Amity Park. With no other leads, Maddie Fenton turns to the one individual that might be able to help: Danny Phantom. Meanwhile, after a near death experience, she begins to question everything she knows about ghosts.

Excellent Maddie-centric fic where a near-death experience forces her to confront her own prejudices and misconceptions around ghosts, as well as the failings of her own scientific hubris. Currently on hiatus, but this fic was my obsession this past spring. Features cool OCs, interesting ecto-science, and lots of heartfelt/heartwrenching conversations.

Batman only

Loading and Aspect Ratio by Jube514

A world where nobody has wings, but people think they do, and that changes everything. (A Batfam Wingfic with a twist)

An excellent twist on the wingfic trope that really suits Batman. Features a Good Dad!Bruce who leans into the misconception that Batman is a cryptid because a)it's funny and b) it's convenient.

Take It Back Now, Y'all by Timthetoaster

(In which Tim finds himself in the past, and tries to do the right thing. It's more complicated than he'd like.)

Tim Drake being a bad-ass, accidental time travel, attempted fix-it. What's not to love?

Other

TAZ(Balance): All The Things You Prayed For by @anonymousalchemist and @marywhal

Taako is The Winter Soldier and Lup is Captain America AU

This is one of the best stories I've ever read, hands down. I've read it about four times *at least*. Even if you are not familiar with The Adventure Zone or The Winter Soldier (MCU), it's written so well that you can enjoy it without context.

TMA: The Magnus Institute vs the 21st Century: a series of emails and IMs by @shinyopals

What happens if the Magnus Institute gets a Data Protection Officer? What's it like to work in Tech Support? How are employee reviews conducted when your manager is Peter Lukas? This series does its best to answers these sorts of hard-hitting questions about office life at the Institute.

If you aren't familiar with The Magnus Archives it might be a bit hard to follow, but this epistolary fic has some of the best CSS coding and humor I've ever seen.

Anyway picking just a few was really difficult because I read a lot! I think every fic I've ever read has affected me in some way. But these are some of the ones most special to me. I hope you enjoy them!

[sluzheart]

No one loves like us

parings: lo’ak x reader x tsireya lo’ak x reader lo’ak x tsireya tsireya x reader x lo’ak tsireya x lo’ak tsireya x reader kiri x rotxo rotxo x kiri neteyam x aunoung aunoung x neteyam

---

warnings: fluff, angst, crack, death, cussing, spider slander (i’m sorry i can’t help it), did not proof read tell me if i fucked up idc

a/n: Their is barely any lo’ak x reader x tsireya so i decided to take matters into my own hands enjoy :) will be making a little series out of this but i will do a Metkayina reader as well

headcannons

*if the reader was Omaticaya*

- so you were tsu’teys daughter your mother  was a close friends of jakes her being a sky person and tsu’tey well they fell in love making your creation  but they when tsu’tey died  in the war of the sky people your mother went but she had not realized yet that she was with child

- so your mother survived the war but as she grew heavier her body started shutting down slowly and after she had you she only lasted a few year to the age you were 5 and her dying wish was for jake and Neytiri to take care of you so they did

- with you being a year older than lo’ak you would always tease him saying that you being older is why you could do things as in calling him dick head and penis face like kiri but jake always spilt the two of you up

- when jake was hard on on lo’ak you always defended him whether you would get in trouble or not but you didn’t care he was your best friend and you weren’t gonna let his sometimes shitty dad make him feel worthless

- But anyways you realized you had a crush on lo’ak when one day he was playing with tuk and neteyam and you were chilling with kiri it’s not that you didn’t want to play you were just tired  just started at him taking in all of his features his freckles the scars and his hands the same ones you had 5 fingers and it clicked you were in love with your best fucking friend

- and then telling kiri was ughhhh so just kiri

- ^ drabble about this you were in the forest with kiri she wanted to explore with you today and have your little talks there were nice with tuk but you got her in ways no one else did her connection with eywa and all so sitting down by a river bend and she asked you “so you and lo’ak huh?” usually your response would have been “no way in hell that’s my best friend” but this time you just remained quiet for kiri to figure it out then she gasped “No my brother really y/n?!” you splashed water in her direction “shut up” “so after all these years you finally accept the truth” you rolled your eyes “yea yea whatever you say” “will i get to be your maid of honor” you scoffed “Kiri unless your gonna be there while me and lo’ak mate then i think not” “ohh so you plan on mating huh” she said with a teasing  and sarcastic tone you flipped her off and changed or at least tried to change the subject

- but anyways you also had told neteyam he was another best friend of yours well the whole sully family was except for spider he was a friend not best friend

- which resulted the whole family trying to set the two of you up even Neytiri and jake and his oblivious ass was confused but anyways it was embarrassing as hell you wanted to dig your self in a hole and die

- but how you guys became girlfriend and boyfriends was stupid cute but stupid you were out on  a hunt by yourselves which is a surprise because you + lo’ak = getting in trouble for shits and giggles but anyways lo’ak spoke up “I bet that you can’t find a bigger catch than me” you smirked “well see about that” so your competitive side took over you hunted almost everything that was eatable and good meat after the day and you returned to food to camp (jake was impressed by how much you both caught btw) lo’ak caught a lot but not as much as you and you walked around the village boasting to him “I win lo’ak” your genuine smile showing and your freckles glowed under the moon he nodded “not really but okay” you looked like a deer in headlights “what do you mean “not really” i caught at least 2 times more than you did” “I mean yea but the biggest and greatest catch was?” “what” you responded sarcastically “you” he whispered it you could barely hear it but your heart exploded right their “lo’ak you mean that?” he came closer to you “of course I do”…..and the rest was history

- until the sky people came they came and destroyed your home your memories a piece of you that you were born with lo’ak comforted you everything you knew was gone besides lo’ak and the other sullys

- But any ways i’m getting tired of writing this part let just get to when you arrive at the Metkayina clan

- when you saw tsireya god your eyes popped out of your damn head and lo’aks too she was beautiful and she stared right back at the two of you she felt like a missing piece apart of you you needed to have

- but when you guys got settled you and lo’ak went strolling around talking about you new home until you mentioned tsireya “shes beautiful y’know” “who?” “tsireya” he nodded in agreement you wanted to bring up that you wanted her to be apart of the relationship having more than one mate was common it wasn’t foreign but at the same time it felt so scary so un heard of you were always the bold one in the relationship so you went head first “what if we ask her to mate with us?” lo’ak whipped his head at you so face his braids almost hitting you in the face “are you sure you wanna do that  n/n?” you rolled you eyes “yes lo’ak i do and i know you do too i could practically see drooling at her” “shut up you were too” “was not” “yes you were” this bickering went on for a while but it was all shits and giggles nothing serious

- but anyways when you guys both started courting tsireya all the sully knew and her idiot brother which you didn’t have a problem with since he apologized for fighting lo’ak and neteyam and leaving lo’ak in the middle of the ocean he was actually cool you and him got along pretty well and you guys joked around a lot actually

- but anyways back to courting tsireya you guys spent a lot of time with her and she enjoyed it it made her feel special about her self and not because she was the oldest child (i know she not but for this lets just act like it) and Tsahik in training it gave her some stress free and allowed her self to breathe for once

- but she accepted your courting and agreed to be mates with you once you all finish your rites of passage (i know that’s not the name but can someone tell me what it is for future reference)

- So after all the sky people stuff (neteyam did not die dont fucking play with me bitch) you all were determined to finish your rites of passage

- lo’ak had already bonded with a tuklan bonded with a Skimwing and tsireya had only one more to go and she would be ready for her adulthood you had already bonded with a Skimwing you just needed a tuklan and you found one la’nou she was a singer in her “clan” she sung beautifully and was sweet and kind but will protect the ones she loves perfect for you and you bonded with her your rites of passages were complete the ceremony would be that night sooner than later

- you wore this along with this necklace ronal gave you it was beautiful really while tsireya wore a dress her mother weaved her along with his crown  and lo’ak on the other hand he didn’t change at all he wanted to go home and sleep he was being his dumb self as usual but when saw tsireya and you that all changed he was glad to be there ecstatic even the  festival was full with music and it was amazing you wouldn’t trade it for the world

- after everyone started to go home you lo’ak and tsireya went to a secluded area far away from the village and you sat there in each others embrace and it felt warm it felt welcomed it felt like home

[bohemian-nights]

What are your predictions for HOTD season 2?

Erm disappointment 🙃 🤣🤣🤣

Okay um, I’m hoping that after Blood & Cheese plays out(which should happen by episode 2) we see more of the Alicent from episodes 6 and 7 I’ll do whatever to protect my children and myself Alicent rather than I don’t know what the hell is going on Alicent from episode 8 and 9. I need to see politically competent Alicent.

House Hightower will be great(I just really want to see the inside of Hightower. That’s all I ask for).

The Lannisters get to show off again that they are rich b*tches💰(Jason will show how much of a lovable idiotic flop he is).

Daeron will be the new it boy(still won’t overtake Aemond or Daemon, but he’ll give them a run for their money).

Dumbnyra will be away from each other for most of the season from what I’ve heard(and as their #1 hater outside of Ryan Condal that is music to my ears🎼).

Daemon will be trying to prove himself because finding out his brother dearest didn’t trust him/never saw him as his heir is a crushing blow for him, but he’ll be better than ever once he meets his Netty 😏 He’ll acknowledge that Rhaena exists and they’ll have a heart to heart 🙏🏽(Ryan have him talk to his only daughters 🙃).

Rhaena will get a dragon egg and realize that she was a cool girl all along😎

(Or she’ll pull a Mulan, dye her hair, and become a nurse for the Green camp. At the end of season 2, she meets Gwayne/Garmund/Daeron in disguise who is injured the two fall in love. She nurses him back to health as the world around them falls apart. Eventually, they marry in secret, comfort each other as their family members die by one, and survive the war together. They are each other's glue, they have lots of babies, and recently hatched Morning approves🐉. This isn’t fanfiction guys. Ryan Condal leaked this to me himself😎).

Aegon will become a sad hoe(literally).

Helaena will just speak in prophecies(I mean she already does this, but she'll really amp up predicting stuff, including everyone's death).

Criston finds out about the situation(🤢) and beats and/or threatens Larys creepy a** for Alicent(that nasty foot hoe deserves it 🤷🏽‍♀️).

Aemond feels the burden of his responsibilities when Aegon is injured and he becomes regent(setting the stage for him finding comfort in Alys for season 3).

Rhaenyra will be a more active participant since they want to make her into a #girl-boss feminist(Seeing Nettles claiming Sheepstealer will shake her up a bit).

Mysaria will say her involvement with Blood & Cheese was revenge for the children in the fighting pits(still doesn’t make sense but they made her into a “child activist”).

Baela will want to go with Rhaenys to Rooks Rest, but she’s held back because of the danger. She breaks down when Granny dies 😔

Corlys will continue to be an idiot until wifey dies then he finally gets it.

Addam and Alyn are Ser Vaemond’s sons 🤞🏽(Let him get the last laugh).

Lots of Dragonseed deaths during episodes 5-6(I’ll probably laugh at half of them especially when Alyn is almost ended by my baby’s baby).

From the looks of things, Addam Velaryon claiming Seasmoke will be a pretty big deal. There’s a leak that Laenor is dead and Rhaenyra finds this out by Addam claiming Seasmoke.

A little flirtation between Alyn and Baela (Again Ryan Condal personally told me Alyn will be good, kind, and loving to Baela. He’ll sweep her off her feet. Jace who? Jace what? He’s like the perfect future husband guys trust me. He's not a hoe. That's just Green propaganda 🥲).

Sara Snow will be there. Come on it’s too messy to scrape and Jace is less interesting than watching paint dry. He needs this and Baela needs an real man🤐

Something something pack of ice and fire convo between Cregan and Jace something.

I know some people have reservations about Gayle now, but I wholeheartedly believe that people are going to fall in love with her portrayal of Alys(and Alysmond will rightfully overtake Pukemond as Aemond’s #1 ship). Hopefully, Alys roasts Daemon like how she did in that leaked audition tape 🤐

Judging by how much they are keeping Nettles under wraps, her claiming Sheepstealer will be absolutely epic. This is my most anticipated moment for season two. I want all the stops pulled out. I want Nettles to make the connection that dragons will accept food for rides on her own or hear something in passing on how the first Valyrians claimed/tamed their dragons and then figure it out from there.

(Daemon will be upset to hear about Nettles at first/view her as a threat because she shouldn’t exist in his Valyrian supremacist mind, but then he sees her and is like 😍).

There was a “leak” that allegedly stated Netty and Daemon meet sometime during the latter half of the season. They take a liking to each other and at some point, they go off together but come back to help in the Battle of the Gullet(BOTG). I’m not too crazy about this leak since I want Netty to be very wary of him at first instead of just jumping to be with him. He needs to really work for her affection.

The season will probably end on news that the Triarchy is attacking the Gullet(ending the season with them preparing for the BOTG). However, one of the “leaks” did say that allegedly the Blacks will take Kings Landing before the BOTG so they may plan their attack from there(hence Daemon and Nettles coming back to help them).

Not really a prediction, but I hope we see Johanna Lannister(seriously if HBO cuts her I’m considering it a crime). She’s like my favorite minor character during the Dance(and what happens to the Westerland women shows once again how Queenie doesn’t care about women except for herself). Now she’s what I’d call a bada** woman 🙌🏽

Anyway, I hope these fairytales are sufficient ☺️

[rescue-ram]

Trapper: 2, 6, 12, 23

2. Favorite canon thing about this character?

Augh... Okay, so something I like about all iterations of Trapper is that he is not always saying what he's feeling- he's often holding something back, but you can tell, and you want to find out. I think the Doylist explanation for that in the TV show is Wayne Rogers doing a lot of acting without a lot of lines lol, but whatever little story he's making up in his head for "what's my motivation" legitimately comes through at multiple key points IMO!

Like for example of what I mean, I love his first and last scenes in the movie- there's this hidden delight when he recognizes Hawkeye that shows he recognized him but doesn't want to say anything, and then at the end his words are pissed off but you csn tell he's sad- even though he's physically restrained in both scenes there's a lot of emotion. And in the show, I looooove the little facial journeys Wayne takes Trapper on that really heighten his reactions or line delivery. I love the contrast between his rough edges and sarcasm and his gentleness and willingness to do the right thing when he can. He's my baby boyyy.

6. What's something you have in common with this character?

🤔 I honestly feel like we have a similar sense of humor. IDK how to put it into words but I relate strongly to his vibe.

12. What's a headcanon you have for this character?

So many kcjckc. Plus I feel like I've incorporated most of them into a fic at one point or another kxkcn.

STRONGLY believe he's a middle child from a poor Irish Catholic family

I like the idea that he's a bit of a "best little boy in the world" and from an early age was determined to do whatever he had to to get out of the neighborhood. I think he worked hard and excelled at school and sports and got lucky with scholarships, and doesn't actually get along very well with his brothers because they think he thinks he's better than them (and secretly he does just a little bit.)

I think his dad died when he was very young and he doesn't have many fond memories of him because he never talks about him.

I think in civilian life he hasn't actually been cool since he was 21, but he knows how to play act that role and gets a kick out of getting to be cool again in camp

Absolutely baseless headcanon but I think he's a total radiohead and stereophile. Loves jazz and blues, and loves rock n roll when that genre emerges.

23. Favorite picture of this character?

ME TRYING TO PIC JUST ONE (⁠´⁠°̥̥̥̥̥̥̥̥⁠ω⁠°̥̥̥̥̥̥̥̥⁠｀⁠)

BARK BARK BARK

[evita-shelby]

Tie your heart to mine

Chapter 19

Cw: suggestion of an illegal abortion(as an option)

Douglas hadn’t been expecting Thomas Shelby to call and order him to meet him at Diane’s Office.

The man sat on the desk Diane looked too young behind in and held as much authority as he did when he was the feared Sergeant Major of the 179th Company. It was his distinguished service in the tunnels that made the Crown turn a blind eye to his crimes, an open secret most knew.

“I would’ve asked to meet at a more relaxed setting, but I can’t risk getting caught with this.” The gangster turned politician offered him a medical file, one with all the signs of its legitimacy.

“Why?” Douglas asks wondering why this man who cannot stand his namesake would do this kindness.

“Because.” The same answer they always got during the war. This time it meant something different.

Because I’m a father too.

“If anyone asks, I called you here to discuss a job in the transportation department in my company. The file was retrieved from the physician that saw to your son and was misplaced by his nurse.” Shelby rubbed the cigarette on his lower lip before lighting it.

Douglas Bennett hasn’t run like this since Lois was born. He is out of breath and ready to collapse and by divine luck, finds Tom packing in his bedroom.

“Unpack, boy, you aren’t going anywhere!” Douglas tossed the file on the bed for him to see.

“How did you get this?” Tom does not open the file detailing some nonexistant thing that rendered him unfit to serve.

“Doesn’t matter, all that matters is that you won’t be coming back dead to me.” The older man is so relieved that he can’t help but grab his son’s head and kiss the mop of blond hair so like Vera’s. “You aren’t dying, Tom, you’re staying here away from the war.”

“Dad. I’m going, not gonna die there anyways.” They had never agreed on much, and yet this is the last thing he thought they would disagree on.

Tom has always placed himself first, his life, his fun. Tom’s selfishness always won and yet here he was refusing this last ticket to freedom thinking himself fucking immortal.

“That’s what everyone fucking says about it until your best friend dies in your bloody arms! Ships sink, they get attacked and you just can’t bullshit your way out of the prison camp or fucking death, Tom!” it always comes to him trying to shout sense into his bloody fucking head.

Stubborn as he was before the war. Douglas saw the boy who died in France so much he couldn’t live with him half the time.

“Diane’s seen it. I trust her visions, and if she says I’ll live long enough to marry her and give you grandchildren, then I know I’ll be fine wherever they send me.” Tom confessed his reasoning and resumed his packing.

“You’ve never believed in that bullshit and now you’re trusting someone’s who you’ve only known for less than six months?!” his father cannot wrap his head around how his son who doesn’t even believe in God believes a girl who claims to see the future.

“I believe her, and I’m going to marry her when the war fucking ends whether you like it or not.” He stands his ground, because of all the lessons he’s tried to teach him, that is what sticks in his thick head of his.

“Suit yourself then, boy.”

Those are the last words Douglas Bennett will speak to Tom until he returns from the Battle of River Plate.

“You’ll write to me, won’t you?” Diane’s voice is quiet and soft as they say goodbye at the station like all families and lovers are doing.

He has had the ring in his pocket since that morning and yet no moment feels right. Tom has never been one for thinking things through and living in the moment and yet this has him hesitating and doubting himself.

Perhaps it was because things had gone to shit with his old man again after he refused to present the phony certificate claiming he’s got some fucking heart condition, and his blind trust in Diane’s visions of his future.

He’d said goodbye to Lois who was getting on her own train as well and now he was here holding onto Diane who refuses to let go as if he was being sent out to die already instead of basic training.

“Yeah, gonna bore you to death with my letters so much you’ll know you’re worrying for nothing, Di.” He answered cradling her face in his hands and reminding himself it’s just basic training.

The blond is aware he could die in training too, but the vision Di had of them having a life after the war gives him the confidence to think himself immortal. That nothing will hurt him and that he won't come back as a shell of a man like his old man did.

Diane’s never been wrong.

“I love you.” She said holding back tears and the ring feels heavy in his pocket.

But he doesn’t reach for it, Tom knows she’d say yes, but it just doesn’t feel right.

“Steal away to Cornwall, and I’ll find a way to see you off-base, Di,” Tom leaned down to kiss her goodbye and added after, quietly as if it weren’t obvious, “I love you too.”

Lois knows she’s dome for when there is a second month she doesn’t bleed. There is no question about what led to this, and she hates there is no chance it wasn’t Charlie’s.

It would be easier if it had been him, no matter what decision she took he’d support her and do the right thing if need be.

“Did you ever think about what would happen if you and Tom weren’t playing it safe?” Lois rolls onto her side and sees Diane take her brother’s bed as if it always belonged to her.

She’d moved in here with them at dad’s suggestion. Not all the boarders were as nice as Mrs. Johnson, some distrusted her because of her Romani blood made worse by Tom’s presence almost every night in her bed.

So Lois’ dad asked her to stay one night and suddenly a month and a half later, Diane was living with them even if she still paid her rent to Mrs. Johnson.

“We’ve talked about it, well, more like joked. We agreed we’d get married and name the first girl Vera Eve after your mum and mine.” She spoke so sure of it, as if Tom’s ever been serious about anything longer than an hour.

“He’s serious when he wants to, or has some external force pushing him to be. The baby is Harry’s, a girl, by the way.”

The witch looked at her having heard her thoughts, how Tom dealt with this on a daily basis was beyond Lois’ understanding.

“I suppose Vera it is.” The Mancunian girl had really hoped it wouldn’t come to this.

One fucking time.

Single mother to Harry’s bastard baby daughter, just her fucking luck.

“You don’t have to, you know, there’s people you can go to. My mum knows someone in Birmingham who can do that.” Her mismatched eyes tell her she’s not kidding, that she really is suggesting an abortion.

Lois hadn’t considered she may have a way out.

She’d heard of it, as something wrong and dangerous and illegal, heard of women who pay to get rid of unwanted babies and go on living normal lives as if it never happened.

It was a tempting offer, something she wasn’t refusing right away because she isn’t even sure what she’s going to do with a baby.

“Don’t tell my dad or Tom, please. You know how they are.” The blue eyed girl pleaded and the witch nodded in understanding.

The distance between Manchester and Torpoint is enough that Diane only comes down twice a month and in her vardo hitched to horses and as a guest of a nearby farmer lending his land to some romani family Diane only met on her way here.

Tom knew Norman had his back and would cover him as he has always done, especially now that they’d be shipping out to the Falklands. There they’d go on to serve on the HMS Exeter in the warm and sunny part of the world. He’s a fleet arm air gunner, third class, just as she had said before the war became true as well.

If that came true then the rest will too, he reminds himself. He won’t die. He’ll be the same Tom who returns home. He’ll not become like his dad nor hers.

“Dad’s worrying for nothing, no reason for the gerries to be there. Just a bunch of trade ships.” The blond says tracing patterns on Diane’s bare back.

They don’t always fuck, some nights he just holds her pretending its still spring in Manchester. Does that now that his training is ending, and his first posting came.

Tonight he’d taken his time, committed each freckle and sound she made to memory. She’d follow him anywhere, but the Falklands isn’t somewhere she can go with ease.

“Argentina is a great admirer of the Germans, might be the only one who likes them in Latin America.” She knew about things like these because of her parents, figures she’d do her homework about his assignment before he even knows himself.

“Well, now they’ll admire the way I look in my uniform.” He joked hoping to put her at ease.

If she knew how it ends, why was she so worried?

“I’m gonna marry you. After the war, so I know I won’t die before that.” Tom had hoped for a better way to do this, and yet no place was as special to them as this canary yellow vardo.

She smiled and leaned up to kiss him again. “Is that why you’ve been carrying your mum’s ring in your pocket every time I come here?”

“Yeah, been wanting to since I left.” He answered leaning over to grab the coat from the bench next to the bed and finally popping the only question that’s ever made him truly nervous.

She’ll say yes, he knows she will.

[goldkirk]

March 13, 2018

TW: PTSD episodes, traumatic memories, dissociation, death, murder, natural disasters etc etc frankly there’s just a lot. This whole thing was a vent I think I wrote while avoiding sleep. You don’t need to read this, I’m just posting it here as more evidence in my collection of how the past used to be for me. I’m okay about this now, and I’m just posting it for reference. Please don’t read this if it might be triggering for you. It’s very first-person and fast-paced.

Poem:

I launch awake in sweat, I am

sweat, my sheets are sweat, my blankets are sweat, I am soaked head to toe with hot sweat and my blankets are chaining me and I do not know

who I am and all I know is confusion and fear and I have vaulted out of the bed and onto my face before I even know that I am awake.

I have no idea who I am or where I am, it's dark,

and I don't know what is happening, I stumble into my wall

and I am hot.

I am suddenly up the basement stairs and tripping over the living room couch on my way to nowhere, I don't know where I am, I don't know who I am. All I know is I'm somehow awake, I am moving, and I feel like the world has ended and everything has crashed down around me in ruin and I feel

like I am not alive.

My mind is trying to piece together what I am, what has happened, what time is it where am I, I'm at home, oh,

there's my mom, there's my dad.

I don't remember anything I don't know what happened why does this all feel so wrong?

I think I died

while in my dream.

That is

the only explanation I can find for how I feel, to wake up like this,

I feel

like I did not exist. I had blinked out. There was terror and I

did not even know my own name for the first minute after waking up,

I didn't realize I was alive for seven awful seconds and

it must be hours after I went to bed right, oh lord God please what is happening to me it's

1:27 in the morning.

this hasn't happened since Junior year of high school when I

was a camp counselor,

when I was in a sleeping bag at night in

someone else's living room with all my peers and

was woken up for the night vigil shift I'd signed up for and didn't know my name.

I didn't know I existed I didn't know I wasn't floating in a void

suddenly things were real and I was trying to catch up with whatever the hell just happened and somehow

I'm expected to form coherent sentences to

reassure the 16 year old next to me that

no I'm fine. I don't need an ambulance, I just

maybe need my soul to come back to my body?

Can you tell me please, who am I.

I launch awake from a dream

I can't remember, but in it I die.

It's not as terrifying as my lucid dreams of

that one genocide that lasts

the whole night. or that

time where I watch my nephews and nieces get

shot one by one and I can't help,

And I watch my family die and

I can't stop the train crash or

the volcano or the pain

and I watch everyone I cannot save

die a thousand times this year but

at least when I wake up I know my own name.

Sometimes,

I die in my dreams, but it's not pretty,

its not poetic I don't know what I can say about it, it's just, I'm gone. I wake up

and don't remember I'm alive.

I don't know what my point is

in this poem. I mostly need to scream.

I just

forgot what it was like to die in my sleep, I guess,

and I wish I could remember, just

once, how it happened.

[plentyoffandoms]

Chuck Taylor x f/Reader (18+)

Main Masterlist ♡ AEW Masterlist ♡ Chuck Taylor Masterlist ♡ Alternate Universe Masterlist

Warnings: Some swearing. Descriptive sexual acts. If you are a minor, do not read. Virgin reader. Loss of Virginity. Oral (M and F receiving) Creampie.

WC: 5583

Just like all my other stories, this has not been proofread, but please enjoy.

Gifs & Photos do not belong to me. 1st gif @dragonairstims 2nd gif @graculuss 3rd @allelitewrestlings 4th & 5th & 6th gifs @tekkers

This is dedicated to the number one Chuck Taylor fan I know @legit9thlunaticwarrior

Summary: f/Reader decided to run away from home after her Father decided that she was going to be married off. She ends up lost & is saved by a Lumberjack who lives alone in the woods.

Dustin - Chuck Taylor ☆ Olivia - Penelope Ford ☆ Simon - Kip Sabian ☆ James - Orange Cassidy

Set in the 1890s

YN'S POV:

I looked out my bedroom window, hoping for it to be a cloudy night tonight because if not, then I have run out of time, but as I was just about to give up hope, clouds finally came.

I grabbed my hidden satchel from under my bed and my cloak and quickly put it on. I opened the window as gently as I could, trying not to make any sound, but as my foot landed on the ground, I stepped on a twig and I snapped it.

I didn't move as I waited to hear any movement from the room next door, where my parents slept, but no sounds could be heard besides my Father's snoring.

I closed the window and breathed a sigh of relief as stage one of my plan went off without a hitch, now just have to get through the next couple of stages.

I walked as quickly as I could through the property that my family owns, forcing myself not to look back at the home I grew up in. I knew I just had to get as far away as I could.

It would be hours before they realised I am gone. I just know they will send a search party to find me. Especially him. The man whose hand I have been promised to.

But I couldn't be his wife. I would be his third wife, his other two have both tragically died in some type of mysterious way and I refuse for my life to be cut short by some man.

So I did what I had to do. I had to run away from home and head deep into the woods and work my way across the rugged landscape and try not to succumb to the elements.

The sun was rising and will be overhead soon, but I will be deep into the forest by then, where any sunlight breaks through the peaks of the trees.

~

I walked and walked until I felt like it was finally safe to take a small break and eat a bit of bread. I pulled out the pocket watch my Father got me for my last birthday and noticed that it was well past noon. If they haven't found me now, they never would, but it is best to keep on moving. I walked for hours until I found a small cave and made camp there.

I made a small fire as it grew darker and tried to sleep, but the sounds of the forest kept startling me awake, but I willed myself to sleep for only a few short hours.

~

This was my new normal. Walk for a few hours, stop, rest, eat and walk until I couldn't anymore and make camp, but I feel like I am lost.

As I walked past what I assume is the same massive rock three times now. In my haste to leave, I forgot to grab one of the many compasses that my Father keeps in his study and now I am truly lost. Winter is fast approaching and I know I will die due to the harsh winters we have.

But I continued, instead of turning right or left, I just went straight and found a stream and decided to follow it, not knowing where it will take me, but this is better than what I was doing.

As I walked I noticed that there was a path and the foliage was cut back and out of the way. I became almost hopeful at the thought that this may lead me out of the forest.

But I heard a twig snap behind me and the sound of a gun cocking and the sound of a male voice, one that made my heart race as I stopped mid-step.

"Now you turn around. No sudden movement and I want your hands out in front of you." I did as the man asked, trying to cry or show any fear.

CHUCK TAYLOR'S POV:

As I was walking back towards my cabin, with my small catch of the day, when I noticed a new set of footprints walking towards it. The footprints were smaller in comparison and I knew they were not mine.

I moved as quietly as I could, not wanting to give myself away when I noticed a woman, who was alone, walking just a bit away from me.

I followed her a bit longer, trying to be quiet and I was doing well until I stepped on a twig. I watched as the woman stopped and I knew this was my time to talk.

I brought my gun up and cocked it, demanding the strange woman to raise their hands and turn around. She did as I asked and I could tell she was trying to put on a brave face.

"Now tell me your name and why you are on my land?" I noticed that she gulped but didn't speak.

"I asked you a question." I wasn't playing around.

"My name is YN and I got lost in the forest. I found this stream and decided to see where it takes me."

"You better not be lying to me." I gruffly said.

"I'm not. I swear I got lost and I was always told to find a stream as I can follow it." One hard stare at her and I knew she was telling the truth.

"Well, you can go now," I said as I lowed my gun.

"Please Sir," I snorted at that. No one calls me Sir.

"I am lost and I need shelter."

"I don't take in strays," I said as I walked past her.

"I don't have much money, but I can cook and clean Sir. It will only be for a short while." I stopped walking and turned to look at the strange woman.

I took in that her dress is ripped and extremely dirty, but she was clutching a pouch to her chest.

I knew I didn't have enough food to feed her but a few days can't hurt, can it?

~

She tried to leave only after two days but I realised I have missed the human company that I only get in the colder months, where I work as a Lumberjack.

Her eyes seemed to light up when I mentioned I would be leaving soon. "May I come with you?"

"I am sorry YN, but where I will be going is no place for a woman such as yourself."

"But I can not stay here, alone."

"You won't be. I will show you the way to the next town and we will part ways."

"Thank you, Dustin," and we went back to eating the soup YN made.

~

A few days turned into a few weeks and we had a routine of sorts. I got up and tended to my small parcel of land and YN took care of inside the cabin and even did laundry.

But I started to notice odd things about her, whenever there was a strange noise, she would stop and stare until the noise went away. If I mention running into any other people when I go deeper into the woods, a scared look comes over her face.

I also noticed she refused to leave and go give herself a proper cleaning, even though I showed her where she could go.

I got sick of it and decided to confront her about it. "YN, I am going to be blunt here, you need to go and have a bath and I mean a proper bath, not this whores bath you keep giving yourself."

She was fighting an inner battle with herself and she finally sighed and looked down at her hands that were on her lap. "I haven't been perfectly honest with you. I ran away from home."

"And what would make you do a silly thing like that?"

"My father promised my hand to some man, who is a cruel man to his wives. I would have been his third one. The other two died and I just know he will kill me."

"May I ask what this has to do with bathing?"

"I don't want to be alone because if he finds me, I have no idea what he will do to me."

"Why didn't you ask me YN?"

"And have a man who I have not married see me naked?  I rolled my eyes at that.

"I will not stare and have my back turn as you get undressed."

"Okay, but may I borrow one of your shirts to walk back in as I will wash my clothes there as well."

I felt my cock twitch at the thought of her wearing my shirt. I didn't speak as I nodded my head yes.

~

The very next day, as the sun was right over us, I found myself with my back turned as YN stripped herself of her clothes.

I heard a slight yelp as she descended into the cool water. I turned myself around, feigning concern that she may have hurt herself. I hid my disappointment as I noticed she was fully submerged in the water.

"Sorry, I am used to my baths being warm."

"Well, I am sorry YN, that is not going to happen out here." I took a step back as I didn't want to fall into the water, but just as my luck would have it, I found a very muddy spot and fell flat on my back and landed in what I am hoping is just smelly mud.

"Dustin, are you okay?"

"Yup," I said as I was still laying on the ground.

"Are you sure? You aren't moving." The concern in her voice went straight to my heart.

"I will need to wash now and I am waiting for you to finish." A small "oh," was all I heard. I felt bad that I may have to rush her now.

"You can come in, I will turn around."

"I don't think that is a good idea YN." I tried to contain the groan that threatened to leave my chest at the thought of being so close to her naked.

"Please Dustin," I lifted my head and looked at her. I saw that her arms were on the side and her head was resting on her crossed arms. I placed my head back on the ground, trying to calm myself down. "The water will make you feel better." She said softly to me. I knew she was right and let out a happy laugh when I stood. I started to take off my clothes and I watched as her eyes widened, she slapped her hand over her eyes and turned around.

"Could of warned me, Dustin." She said as I walked into the water, shivering at the coolness of it. "And what fun would that have been for me?" I laughed.

"Are you sure you are a Lumberjack?" My laughter stopped.

"Yes, I am. Why you asking?"

YN'S POV:

When I saw him stripping, I wanted to watch, but all I heard in my head was my Mother screaming at me about looking at a man naked. I could feel him as he got in the water, his body heat making the water feel already better.

"Are you sure you are a Lumberjack? His laughter stopped.

"Yes, I am. Why you asking?"

"With the way how you fell there, I guess I have to worry about you coming back hurt." I didn't notice how his body tensed when I said about him coming back.

I was expecting some type of retort. Some snide comments, but all I got was a big splash to the face. I sputtered and gasped for air as I pushed my hair away from my face. I started to splash him back and he was laughing so hard, he was snorting.

"Okay, that is enough YN." He tried to say but I paid him no mind. I splashed him two more times until I felt his hands wrap around my wrists and pull me flush against his body.

"I said that is enough YN." His voice started as loud and then by the time he said my name, his voice was soft, noticed how close we were. He let go of my wrists and he went to give us some space when I wrapped my arms around his neck and smashed my lips against his.

His hands went around me and gripped my thighs and wrapped them around his waist, never once stopping our kissing.

I gasped against his mouth when I felt him poking me. He took that as a sign to start kissing down my neck and leaving his mark.

The sound of an animal brought us back to reality. I pulled away from him and swam to the other side. "YN I am,"

"We shouldn't be out here much longer. I have to prepare dinner and give you lunch." I said as I grabbed the spare shirt he brought for me.

I didn't turn around, even though I wanted to when I heard him get out. Our walk back to the cabin was quiet. The only sounds came from the forest.

~

Dinner was a quiet affair. I ate by myself as he at outside. I wanted to cry as I know I have messed this all up and I have no idea how to fix this.

The door opened and there he was, having to duck slightly just to get into his open cabin.

"Dustin, can we talk?"

"I have to head to town to grab some little minute supplies. I think it may be best if you come with me and we part ways. My heart felt like it was shattering into a million pieces.

"Oh, okay. Yeah." I turned away from him, not wanting him to see the tears as they stream down my face.

~

Dustin was out cold as I closed the door quietly behind me. I looked back when I was far enough and said goodbye.

I walked in the direction that Dustin told me was where the town was. I walked until I saw the first hint of civilization and I tried to push the man who I have come to grow to love to the back of my mind.

~

I didn't stay very long in that town until I worked my way to the next one. More of a village and just the place I was looking for. I found work as a barmaid at the local tavern. Not glamorous, but I had an income and a roof over my head.

The married couple who owned it were very kind and didn't need help, but they saw that I was desperate and needed the help. I do whatever I can to help them out.

But the tavern seems to get more and more business these days and I asked Olivia, who owned the tavern with her husband Simon.

"The Lumberjacks are making their way through. Their camp isn't far from here." We were interrupted by a group of men who came in, looking for food and a drink. I quickly got to work, trying to push the image of Dustin out of my mind and how he kissed me that day.

I waited week after week for him to come by just like they all did. I almost gave up hope until I finally heard his laugh.

My head snapped up when I heard him laugh as he walked through the door, my heart rate speeding up at finally seeing him. Not knowing how he will handle seeing me after I left him the way how I did.

CHUCK TAYLOR'S POV:

I was talking to James and laughing at something he said as we walked into the tavern. Just glad to be around people again.

"You are being watched, Dustin," James warned me. I looked in the direction he was and I was stunned at the woman who was looking back at me.

No, it couldn't be.

I figured she would have gotten as far away as possible. When I realised she was gone the next morning, I went searching for her, afraid that she got lost or worse, but I couldn't find her.

I figured she left so we didn't have to say goodbye as I told her we were parting ways. I knew I had to get her away from me. I wouldn't be a good match for her. Not when she grew up better than I did. She was smart and did not need me to ruin her life.

"I'll be right back." I gulped down my drink and stood to walk towards YN who was standing behind the bar.

"We need to talk Dustin," She said when I got close enough to her.

"Yes, we do."

"But not know, after we are closed up."

"I will be waiting." I winked at her and went back to my seat, my friends asked me about her, but I just told them she was an old friend.

~

The night continued and everyone else got drunk except for me. I needed to be as sober as possible to talk to YN.

I could see different men hitting on her but Olivia or Simon were always right there, telling the guys to back off and if they dared to argue, they were thrown out.

The night came too close and Simon came over to our table to say that they were closed. "You all have to leave, except for you," He pointed at me.

"I'll see you later," I told them as they left the tavern, very happy with beer and food in their bellies. Now they were probably off to find the local whore house.

"Dustin, I am done. Follow me, if you still want to talk." YN called out and I stood up so fast, the chair tipped backwards.

I followed YN up two flights of stairs to the attic. "Simon and Olivia let me stay here." She said as she lit a few candles.

Being so close to her after all this time, was making it hard on my self-control. I took a few steps forward as I saw her shivering in the candlelight. I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her against me.

"I missed you, Dustin," Now it was my turn to shiver when I heard her say my name.

"You left me," I finally said.

"You told me we were gonna part ways and I don't do well with goodbyes. You know you were my first kiss, the first one to touch me the way how you did," YN said as she pulled away from me and turned around to look at me.

"I know and I should not be the one to take anything more from you."

"And you get to decide that? I wanted you, Dustin. I still do. I dream of you night after night. I dream of you when I pleasure myself."

My mind went numb when she said that. All I got were flashes of YN, her hand between her thighs, moaning my name.

I found myself almost growling as I crashed my lips against hers, lifting her up by her ass and her wrapping her legs around me.

"I need you, Dustin." She whimpered against my lips. "I got you YN," I said to her as I gently placed her on the bed, her legs hanging off the edge as I got down on my knees. I reached up and practically ripped her dress from her body and her gasp went straight to my cock.

Seeing her all laid out for me and only me, made me almost feral. I parted her thighs and licked my lips at how wet she was for me.

"Eyes on me YN," I said to her just before I licked her, getting a taste of her. "Aa Dustin," She whined as her hands gripped the back of my head. I started to eat her out like she is my last meal. Her moans and whines making me go crazy and all I wanted was to slam my cock into her, but I couldn't.

I pushed one finger inside of her and I felt her body get tense. "Relax, I have to stretch you out."

YN'S POV:

I did as he asked and I covered my mouth to stop the loud groan from being heard as he started to move his thick finger back and forth.

"Don't you do that YN. Do not quiet yourself. I want, no need to hear you. You understand that?"

I was going to answer but he pushed another finger inside of me and a loud drawn-out moan was all I could manage.

"Just like that YN. Taking my fingers so well," Was all Dustin said before he went back to fingering and eating me out.

I can feel myself getting close. I am crying out his name and just as I was about to cum, he pulled away. I cried out in frustration and glared at him through the tears.

"I need to feel you cum around my cock YN," He said as he stood and took off his clothes. My mouth let out little puffs of air as I saw more and more skin. My eyes trailed down his body until they finally landed on his cock. My eyes widened and I actually gulped.

I watched as he stroked himself a few times and I wanted to taste the liquid that was coming out of the tip. It was like he could read my thoughts as he chuckled as he got into the bed.

"I will teach you to suck my cock another time," He told me as he situated himself against my pillows and the wall.

"Come here YN," He gripped my arms and pulled me into his lap, the both of us moaning as his cock rubbed against my pussy. He gripped my chin in his hand, softly and kissed me. I melted into the kiss, not believing that this giant of a man could be so gentle.

"I need you, Dustin, please," I told him. Not knowing what else I should be doing and letting him take the lead.

"I'll take care of you YN," He said as he rolled us over so he was looking down at me. I watched everything he did. He gripped his cock in his hand and rubbed the tip against my pussy, getting it nice and went.

"Now this may hurt YN, use me if it becomes too much," Dustin said to me just as he slid the head of his cock inside of me. My whole body felt like it was on fire and he slowly sunk into me. I dug my nails into his shoulders and he groaned when I broke the skin. My eyes were squeezed shut, my mouth open as am gulping in some air.

"Are you in?" I asked, stupidly.

"I am barely halfway. Do you want to stop?" I shook my head no. "Then relax, and let me take care of you."

I opened my eyes and looked into his. His hair was sticking to his forehead, his arms were straining and I know he was holding himself back from slamming into me.

Going this slow wasn't helping me relax, so I placed my feet on his butt and pulled him closer to me, making him slam into me.

I cried out in pain, his eyes wide as he realised what the hell I just did. He went to move back but I begged him not to move.

I have no idea how long we stayed in this position, but then the pain went away and I told him it was okay.

He started with a few, shallow thrusts and once I moaned out I was fine, his pace quickened. The bed was slamming into the wall at how hard he was fucking me into the mattress.

He leaned back on his feet and he brought my body up against his chest, hitting me at a different angle, deeper if possible.

I pushed him away from me as I wanted to try another position, that I have seen many people do since working here.

He watched as I got on my hands and knees and he groaned as he ran his hands over my ass and slapped it a few times. I have no idea why he did that, but it made my pussy clench around nothing.

"My naughty girl," Dustin moaned as he sunk back into my pussy. I almost screamed at this new angle. "So deep, so full, feels like your in my stomach."  I cried out as he gripped my hips and fucked me harder and faster.

"So tight, so perfect. All for me and no one else. You're mine YN." Dustin cried out as he wrapped his arm around me and pulled me back against his chest. His other hand reached down and played with my clit.

"Oh I can feel you getting close. That's it squeeze my cock love. Fuck me." He groaned in my ear and I lost it.

I screamed out his name as I came, clenching his cock as my body shook from my first orgasm brought on by someone else that wasn't my fingers.

I turned my head and he kissed me hard as he groaned against my mouth as he came in me. His grip on me got tighter as he fucked me through his own orgasm.

He pulled out of me and I groaned as our combined juices started to drip down my thighs. The two of us went to sleep now long after that.

CHUCK TAYLOR'S POV:

I was having a wonderful dream. YN was there and she was sucking my cock. It felt so real I didn't want to wake up.

"Dustin, come on love, wake up." I looked down at YN, wondering how she can talk with my cock in her mouth when I heard it again.

I sat up, looking around and then I felt something warm and wet on my cock. I looked down and there was YN, with her mouth stretched as far as it could go, her hands jerking off the part that she can't take in her mouth.

"This must be a dream." I groaned as I closed my eyes, not wanting to wake up from this dream. She moaned around my cock and that made my eyes open.

"Am I doing okay?" She looked up at me, her mouth covered in spit. "So well YN, soon you will take me completely down your throat," She smiled and went back to bobbing her head, trying to take another inch down her throat. 

I have no idea how long she was sucking me off that first morning, but I came rather quickly. My poor YN choked on my cock as I came, but she tried to swallow as much as she could.

I ate her out, not wanting to leave her unsatisfied before I had to leave to head back to camp to start another week. I wanted to fuck her again, but I knew I had to give her body some time to heal before I take her again and again.

~

I made sure to stay behind every Saturday night as YN and the tavern owners closed up. They never said a word as they watched the two of us go upstairs to the attic.

The first time I was back, I barely got my clothes off and YN had pushed me onto my back, pulled my pants down and sank on my cock.

This went on for weeks, every Saturday, the men and I would go to the Tavern and since we had Sundays off, instead of going to church like they wanted us to, I was praising YN as she finally learned to take me all the way down her throat and let me fuck her face.

I watched as she took control, bouncing on my cock, her hands gripping my shoulders, her head flung back as she got herself off using my body.

She looked like an angel as she came, quivering above me and rode me through her orgasm. She collapsed against my chest and I planted my feet on the mattress and pounded up into her, her screaming into my chest as I came with a deep groan.

This was going great until the owner of the camp and my boss came to see how things were going.

~

"So you see Mr Hager, we are ahead of schedule," James said to Hager Senior. His son was standing not far from him, looking bored as he looked around.

"Good, good. Now I know you men go to the Tavern on Saturday nights, how about a drink on me?" The owner was a good man, but his son was a downright idiot when it came to business and even his old man knows this. That is why he hasn't passed it down to him yet. He knows his son will run all his business into the ground.

The men made it to Tavern, just like we did every week and my eyes tried to find YN, who was usually smiling at me as I walked in, but there was no YN to be found.

Olivia waved me over and told me that YN was running an errand but will be back later. I thanked her and went and joined the men and sipped my drink as I waited for YN to return.

~

YN returned a few hours later and she smiled when she saw me and waved me over. I got up and ignored the smirks from the guys around me.

"Olivia said you had to run an errand."

"Well, yes I guess it was but I was seeing the midwife," I instantly became concerned.

"Is everything okay?" I asked her as we walked away towards the back.

"I haven't bled in a few months and Olivia said I may be with child, so I went to the midwife and well, I am pregnant Dustin."

The last four words kept repeating in my head.

"We are going to have a baby?" She nodded her head and I turned and looked at everyone who was in the room.

"I am going to be a Father!" I exclaimed. I turned back to YN and lifted her in my arms and kissed her. The celebration ended just as quickly as it started. A drunken voice spoke up.

"So this is where you ran off to? To be a whore for some lumberjack?" Came the voice of Hager junior, Jacob, or as he was known, Jake.

"And I see you must have been the man who she was supposed to marry," it wasn't a question as it was a fact.

I placed YN back on the ground and Olivia quickly came and got her and took her away. Simon stood by, ready to put a stop to any alteration that may happen.

"Now son, you sit down," but Jake ignore his Father as he wobbled over to me. "So was she good? I bet she was. I knew she was a virgin before she got to you," his speech was slurred.

"Sir, if Son doesn't back away, I will be punching him," I called out to his Father, who tried to get his son to back down once more. But he gave up and as he walked away, I thought I heard him mutter that it was about time someone hit his son.

"I spent months looking for that bitch," He didn't get to finish his sentence as my fist connected with his nose. He stumbled back, crying out in pain as his nose bled. Jake came charging at me and I punched him in the stomach, as he fell to his knees in pain as he clutched his stomach.

"That one was for your other two wives."

I took my seat and placed my hand in the cold beer, trying to soothe the pain. His Father was looking at me.

"Am I fired Sir?" Already mentally preparing myself to go and pack.

"No, but a week with no pay sounds fair." I didn't argue, as I was still stunned I had a job.

I got up and walked past the Father and son, as the elder was telling the younger one that he was disowned and has brought enough shame to the family.

I found YN in the back, with Olivia who was ready to fight whomever came through that door but calmed down when she saw it was me.

"I'll be right out there if you need me," She said as she walked past me.

"So a baby huh? Looks like we should get married YN," I said to her as I knelt next to her.

"I believe we should," She smiled as I placed my hand on her stomach. "Next Sunday after church. We will wed and then when the spring rolls around, we will head home to the cabin and I will add to it."

"You are serious about this Dustin?"

"Extremely. When you left the first time, I knew I loved you then. I fell for the stranger who I met all those months ago when I was just out hunting. I love you, YN"

"And I love you too, Dustin. My saver, my Lumberjack."

Tag List: if you would like to be added, please let me know. @lghockey @wwenhlimagines @melissahausen @crowleysqueenofhell @legit9thlunaticwarrior @malakaiblacksgirl1989 @nicoleveno14 @blaquekittycat @1rsolideranna

[sodomighty]

The Tattoo

© 2019 Leland Dirks.

He was seventy-five, and I was the only one of his seven nephews who would visit him. Sharp as a tack, he reeled off one-liners faster than anyone I’d ever met.

Sometimes he’d tell me stories. What it was like to look for someone to love when that search could get you fired or killed. What it was like to change the gender of the one you loved when you talked about them. What it was like to know a friend committed suicide because he was being blackmailed or because he’d been disowned from his family.

Other times he’d tell me the glorious stories of dating a Marine on the down low. Of finding a bar that catered to a clientele of men who preferred the company of other men.

The summer he turned seventy-six, I spent a week with him. In the year between this visit and my last, he’d aged a decade. His skin was nearly translucent. In the evening sun, sometimes I thought I could see his bones through his skin.

There weren’t so many jokes nor very many stories. He walked slower, more cautiously, afraid to fall. I pretended not to notice.

On my last day with him, I asked him if there was anything special he wanted to do. He looked at me for a second, as if trying to discern my reaction before he’d even answered. He swallowed. Hard.

“There is.”

“Okay.”

“You promise not to laugh?”

“I swear.”

“I want a tattoo.”

“Let’s do it.”

We drove thirty-five miles to the nearest tattoo parlor. His face lit up like a Christmas tree when they showed us the books of artwork that, for a small fee, could live forever on skin.

“What do you think you want?”

“Oh, I already know. But it’s fun looking at other ideas, too.”

I didn’t press him. He took off his shirt, and I tried to imagine what he must have looked like when he was in the Navy some fifty years before.

He whispered in the tattoo artist’s ear and prepared himself for what must have been a lifelong dream.

I watched as they drew an outline of the tattoo above his heart. Simple. Geometric. A triangle.

He saw my questioning look.

“It’s what the Nazis made thousands of homosexuals wear in the concentration camps. A pink triangle. We took it back, as a sign of liberation, long before anyone thought of a rainbow flag. So we’d never forget what happens when a whole group of people are demonized. So we’d remember how thin the veneer of civilization really is.”

The sound of the automated needle filled the small space. I watched the black outline take shape. I watched as the pink was colored in. He grimaced every once in a while but was stoic overall.

The tattooist finished, gave him care instructions, and asked him if he was satisfied. Uncle only nodded, but the grin on his face made him look a decade younger.

He got ready to pay, but I stopped him. His sky blue eyes searched my face.

“Think they’d give us a discount for two?”

He died that winter, and I couldn’t make it to his funeral. But every day when I step out of the shower and look in the mirror, I remember how two black sheep of the family wound up with pink triangles on their chests, and sometimes I cry.

© 2019 Leland Dirks.