#the maple bar | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

fenmere · 2 years ago

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Taking this as today's writing prompt, if you don't mind:

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I just wanted a maple bar.

I didn't expect it to become a big deal, honestly. And I thought they were taking my existence seriously, so I figured I'd ask for one.

I'd been making weird noises with our mouth when we were at their desk at work, as has become my habit. I understand it's a form of "stimming". It feels good, but apparently it's kind of socially awkward sometimes. And their coworkers had commented on it.

"I'm doing what?" my host, Lichen, had asked.

"I said, could you stop with the noises? They're distracting. You're making... sounds with your mouth," Linda had replied. "What's going on with you?"

Lichen had thought about this for a second, and apparently caught a hint of a memory that their mouth had been doing that sort of thing, and chuckled. They had responded, "Ah. Sorry, I was vocal stimming. I'll find something quieter."

"Thank you."

"Actually," and here they had apparently decided some of their characteristic humor would break the ice. They had said, putting a joking tone to their voice, "I bet it was the demon I summoned over the weekend. It probably wants something. I'm going to take my break."

"Yeah, OK, whatever," Linda had dismissed them.

"Demon?" Joe had asked, perking up.

"Yeah!" Lichen had chirped up. "I mean, I'm joking about it right now, but really, I'm playing around with having an imaginary friend. It's not a real demon, but if you can take your break now, I'll tell you about it."

Lichen has been extremely lucky to work in a place where this kind of subject isn't entirely frowned upon. Linda has no patience for it, but Joe and Rachel totally love it, and the boss doesn't mind the banter much. They all work away from the public, anyway.

So, then, Joe and Lichen had gone back into the break room for hot chocolates and Lichen had continued to explain, "So, there's this tumblr post that's been turned into a meme, you know, screenshotted, that's about being possessed by a demon but it turns out that all the demon wants to do is get donuts."

"Oh, yeah. I know that one," Joe had said.

"OK, so. I was thinking, I also recently watched Harvey. You know, the movie about the guy with a six foot tall rabbit as an imaginary friend?"

"Uh... I think so?"

"With Jimmy Stewart?"

"Who?"

"You don't kn - you know what? Nevermind. I told you what the movie was about, and that's what matters, but you should look it up and watch it. It's a classic. Anyway, imaginary friends have been on my mind since I rewatched it the other night, and I never had one when I was a kid."

"Neither did I."

"Right. Like, it's not uncommon, but it's not universal. I looked it up. And I think it's a shame I didn't have one, so I thought I'd make one up. And I kinda decided on a demon. It's name is Philip, by the way. It's totally harmless."

"Oh, neat! What does it look like?"

"Well, I haven't really decided, but I guess I keep seeing it as sort of a classic demon. Almost like the one from the movie Legend."

"You've gotta stop referencing things I've never seen."

"You've gotta start watching them!"

"There's too many."

"You've fallen behind."

"Whatever, go on. What do you do with an imaginary friend, anyway?"

"Well, I talk to it when I'm alone, and imagine it's sitting next to me on the sofa while we, er, I watch movies and makes comments. That sort of thing. I don't do it when I'm around other people, because that's awkward. So it's harmless, really."

"Honestly, it sounds pretty cool to me!" Joe had said. "Working your imagination. It's a kind of exercise."

"Right!"

"Gotta help at work, too. You know, bigger brain, better problem solving."

"I guess. More, it just helps me feel less lonely at home. That probably helps here at work, but honestly it's just for fun."

"Sure. Sure."

And that's when I had started to get hungry.

So I thought I'd experiment.

I looked at the time to make sure we had enough to run to the bakery across the street. We really didn't, but we could go after work, so I thought I'd speak up then to make sure Lichen would put aside the time to do it.

"I want a maple bar," I told them.

And they reflexively replied, "I don't like maple bars," and then froze.

Joe's expression took on a concerned cast. "You alright, Lichen?" he asked.

Lichen blinked a few times, and asked tentatively, "Did I just say that out loud? How, uh, much did I say?"

"You just said you don't like maple bars. But like you were replying to someone else," Joe replied.

"Uh, shit," Lichen said, putting their hot chocolate down carefully. "OK. Don't tell anyone else, OK?"

"Yeah, no problem."

"I think I need to be even more careful."

"I mean, it's OK with me if you talk to Philip now, I don't mind," Joe said.

"Thank you, but I'm not sure about Linda," Lichen explained.

"Yeah, OK, I get that."

So I took that bit of conversation as permission to speak up again, "You don't have to respond now, but could we just go by the donut shop and get a maple bar on the way home. You don't have to be the one to eat it."

Lichen held up a finger for Joe, then looked around furtively, poking their head out of the break room door to check the hallway, before quietly saying, "OK, Philip. How?"

They were in control, so I found myself looking at Joe meaningfully with them.

I grew up with someone else in control of this body, so I'm used to it. And I have to say, I wasn't exactly conscious when I started having this conversation with Lichen. But looking back I can kind of remember what it was like, more and more clearly as the conversation progressed. And this was the point at which it did feel like we were sharing the brain rather equally, and I could feel their thoughts as they were occurring and heading for their mouth. And I think they could feel mine like that, too.

I mean, they obviously could hear my voiced thoughts. Like, I wasn't using their mouth yet, just making my thoughts audible in their head. Not like an hallucination exactly, but just loud enough, and enough a part of their auditory complex that they could later describe the tone and tenor of my voice pretty accurately. It's not the same as what I sound like using their vocal chords, of course. They're not capable of speaking that deep.

Anyway, I'd almost finished forming my thought to project to them when they interrupted me and said out loud, "Oh, I'm not letting you actually possess me."

Joe leaned back against the counter and scratched his beard, then said, "You know. You should look something up."

"Yeah?" Lichen replied.

"Tulpamancy."

"What?"

"You don't know what that is? You're so online. I'm surprised!"

Lichen just shook their head. I hadn't heard of it either.

"Seriously. I don't know a lot about it, but I think you just accidentally created a tulpa, and there are guides on this shit," Joe explained. "Anyway, this is cool. OK? You doing fine. There are guides. But we gotta get back to work. Mums the word around the others, right?"

"Right. Thanks."

And the rest of the work day was pretty uneventful. I was honestly a little scared myself, and didn't want to bring attention to myself, and so I restrained myself. But I was also kinda pissed.

I honestly didn't realize what was happening myself when we got in the car.

Ever since that conversation in the break room, it kind of felt like I was riding along with Lichen and just sort of choosing to do what they were doing. Living their life with them, as I'd often do at home. And doing my best to blend in at work.

And by the time we got to the car, I didn't realize that I no longer felt their presence. And when we sat down in the driver seat and closed the door, I said, "Maple bar," as a reminder.

Only it came out of our mouth!

And Lichen slammed right back into the front with a fury, and that felt weird and jarring.

It was just like how they depict it in the movies, how characters describe it. It feels like someone is putting on your body like a costume. You can feel their form as they shove it into your limbs, torso, chest, and then head. And then suddenly your mouth is moving of its own accord, and saying, "NO!"

And then you're seeing things from their perspective and thinking their thoughts. And then they feel you retreat, and you maybe remember that feeling later when you front again.

We didn't get the maple bar, and I'm still upset about it. But maybe someday.

Lichen did look up Tulpamancy, immediately, right there in the parking lot, though. Using their phone, of course.

They spent a good forty five minutes reading everything they could find on it.

Joe noticed us sitting there when he walked out about fifteen minutes into Lichen's research. He stopped, looking concerned, bending over to get a better look, then walked amiably over and knocked on the window.

This startled Lichen enough that I was able to make a few movements. I simply held up the phone and pointed at the headline of the article on it.

Joe gave a smile and a thumbs up, then waved and walked over to his car.

Lichen blinked a few times and then went back to reading.

Eventually, they were just sitting there, staring out the windshield at passing traffic, thinking about what to do with me.

The boss walked in front of the car and glanced over briefly.

When he was gone, I thought it might be a good idea to apologize. Just to be conciliatory. Lichen is effectively my parent, after all.

"I won't do that at work anymore," I thought at them. "I'll be extra careful. I'm sorry. But I do want to find a way to eat a maple bar without it bothering you."

"I don't think you're going to like it either," Lichen said out loud in the safety of their car. "We have the same taste buds. And I really don't want that aftertaste in my mouth. Maple is... ugh."

I kept my reply simple, "That article said that different system members can have different food preferences."

"But it's my mouth," Lichen said. "Are you really a headmate now? Seriously?"

"You were the one who read the article," I pointed out. "I just followed along. You're the one who thought it first."

"We're going to have to have rules," Lichen replied.

"Yep, uh-huh," I agreed. "And me eventually eating a maple bar is one them."

It's been a few days, and we're still working on it. But, hey, this is my very own tumblr account! Hi!

You know, it's actually surprising that, for all the times science fiction has grappled with the question of "at what point does a simulated consciousness become real?" this isn't ever applied to imaginary friends in fiction.

I mean, when you think about it, the "imagination" is just a simulation the brain makes.

So when the brain can make a simulation that is both independent and self-conscious, seeing itself as separate from the creator, and it's obviously capable of passing a Turing test, what makes that simulation any less of a person than the one that pilots the body?

I'd love to see more fiction writers take on topics like this.

#writing prompt #flash fiction #plurality #the maple bar

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