#the mutuals GAT to hear about this

[poopyballz28]

Just looking at your content, ik kiyosumi cat toe would love you so much!!! He would love you so much he would give u a box of chocolates thats just his dookie wrapped up in plastic and beat you with a poop sock and pee on ur cat and slap ur mom and make ur dad his cum slut! 💖💖💖

its so funny how i know exactly who you are just by your horrible sense of humor. this is so utterly pathetic i cant help but cackle to myself. they spammed like 15 other asks like this btw guys this is what daddy is forced to deal with for not liking rape and not being a proshipper

[allthelittlecreepycrawlies]

What To Do When They Dig You Up, Part 1

okokok, so I got inspired by this super fucked up (affectionate) fic by @tavina-writes, and with permission, I decided to start on a sequel. I'm posting it in chunks as I finish them in hopes that it will be enough to make me, you know, actually make it to the end of this thing.

warnings: past branding and abuse, ptsd and panic attacks, discussion of fucked up self-image, public humiliation.

---------------

“You don’t want to be here today,” Meng Yao murmurs as he guides Nie Huaisang out of the throne room, leaving their mutual master pacing in front of the throne with a sharp grin like a tiger expecting a feast.

‘What could possibly be different about today compared to any other?’ Nie Huaisang wants to ask, but does not.

The hallway is colder than usual, making his face and wrists and back throb hot, and he sinks into the pain, barely aware of Meng Yao’s gentle hands on his shoulders and the act of putting one foot in front of the other.

It’s not until Meng Yao lets him go and opens a door that he realizes he has not been taken back to his master’s bedroom. 

“Yao-ge?” he asks, and his voice sounds as alien to his own ears as the chill of the hall.

Meng Yao presses his mouth into a thin line, glancing back the way they came. “A-Sang,” he says carefully, having long stopped calling him ‘Gongzi’ because hearing the old title had made him retch more than once. “Do you trust me?”

‘What kind of question is that?’ Nie Huaisang wants to ask, but does not.

Nowadays, Meng Yao is always the one who puts him back together after his master takes him apart. The ebb to the flow, the pull to the push, the carrot to the stick. 

Nie Huaisang does not know the rules to this new variant of the game he has been trapped playing ever since his escape failed.

He has never asked either, afraid that his one respite will be stripped away, either by Meng Yao reporting on him or simply by his master’s whim.

At least Meng Yao seems to realize that he has pressed a raw nerve, because he shakes his head a little. “Nevermind. Just… stay here for now, alright? Will you do that for me?”

Nie Huaisang manages to nod and steps into the room, and the door swishes and clicks closed behind him.

The room is sparse on furniture, and still cold.

He is starting to wonder if the cold is part of him and not something to do with the palace.

There are robes draped over a chair, heavier ones than the gauzy things his master likes to see him in. They don’t fit exactly right, the hems just a little short at his wrists and bare ankles- and he knows who they must belong to. 

“Thank you, Yao-ge,” he mumbles to the empty space around him, then layers them against the chill.

There is a barred window that is the only thing of interest. 

He pulls a chair over and tries to sit, then winces and decides on the cushions on the floor instead.

All he wants to see is the sky, anyway.

—

The Nightless City has its name for a reason. Even as the true sun vanishes, there is enough light from the fire pits and the many lanterns that he can only see the very brightest stars.

He has heard noises on the other side of the door; running feet and low but urgent voices. But none of them have been Meng Yao, so he has mostly ignored them, too intent on savoring the most peace and quiet he’s had since-

A flash and the sound of a small explosion jolt him out of the light doze he was drifting into, and he lurches to his feet and stares up through the window at the flare for what seems like ages before his mind finally registers that it’s not a Wen flare.

And then there is another. 

And then three more from a different direction.

Soon there are dozens, in multiple colors and sect symbols, and behind him, he can hear the chaos in the hallway briefly rise, then abruptly cease.

When he starts laughing, it seems like it’s coming from outside himself, from a non-existent other person in the room. Only when the laughter gradually morphs into tears does the feeling slowly gather in his chest, pulling inward from outside him.

Even that has faded by the time a fist hammers on the door, leaving him completely numb as he turns to face the intruders.

They are wearing the colors of his sect and the one in front at least has a proper saber, but he doesn’t recognize any of them… another note on the very extensive list of reminders of just how long it has been since his one and only ill-fated attempt to escape this place.

The man in the lead looks him over -barefoot, hair loose, borrowed robes- and his lip has already started to curl in disgust before his gaze focuses needle sharp on the horrible mark of ownership that covers half of Nie Huaisang’s face.

“Zongzhu has us spread out looking for you,” he says, clearly irritated to have been given such a ‘useless’ task when he could have been doing something of actual importance.

Nie Huaisang does not snip back at him. 

Nie Huaisang keeps his head down and follows the small knot of mixed soldiers and cultivators, and doesn’t respond when one or another pushes him out of annoyance at how slow he’s moving. He realizes they’re taking him back to the throne room and dread begins to well up from his stomach into the back of his throat.

It is nothing like the dread he has lived with every waking moment previously, thick and sticky and weighing his whole body down as though drowning in wet clay. No, this dread is sharp and so cold it burns its way through his body like the winters back home, leaving his nose and fingers and toes prickling and his lungs feeling like he has inhaled needles.

The door opens and his escorts move aside.

His brother is staring at him.

So is everyone else gathered in the throne room.

The dread cracks and shatters under the gush of mortification that floods down his throat, leaving him so dizzy that his legs refuse to hold him.

All Nie Huaisang can do is kneel, head down, as the crowd -people he knows and people he doesn’t and so many people, people, people- erupt into gossiping, some whispering and some not bothering.

Within moments, it all blends together into a dull wordless sea of noise, which he thinks might be his mind’s last desperate attempt at preserving itself under this final assault on the barest shred of dignity he has left.

Was this intentional?

Is it another layer of the game?

Does that matter?

Trembling and struggling to just keep inhaling and exhaling air, he decides that it doesn’t.

He lost.

He lost, he lost, he lost, he has been losing ever since he proved himself too pathetic to get out of this on his own. 

He says nothing in his defense- does not apologize, nor beg- because what good would it do? 

His brother has to despise him, as he's practically an embodiment of his worthlessness as a Nie now. 

Marked for ownership by their most hated enemy; a grotesque mockery of everything their sect -their family- stands for. 

At best he can probably hope for exile... much more likely is that the stain on their name will be removed directly.

A heavy hand comes to rest on his back and he involuntarily cringes, curling in on himself even more. His brother’s voice cuts through the dull roar around him and in his head, but he can’t understand the words.

More murmuring, then-

“Out. Now!”

He doesn’t mean to jump at the snarled command; doesn’t mean to recoil as some long-forgotten sense of self-preservation suddenly flares to life from under the piles and piles of ash that Wen Ruohan had made of his mind. The way his head jerks up like that of a startled deer is completely involuntary.

They are alone. And his brother… is angry. 

Angry, angry, angry, so angry.

But not… but not at him.

The other big hand lays Baxia down on the cold stone floor then comes to rest on his face, broad palm covering the inner swirl of the brand and thumb covering one of the flames that extend over his nose in a way that is hot, but -for once- not painfully scorching.

“Didi. Who. Did this?” his brother asks, a deep rumble like the sound of a rock fall that threatens to become a whole avalanche.

It should be an easy answer, and yet it takes him once, twice, three times to manage to get his voice and mouth to form the words “Wen Ruohan did it himself.”

Da-ge’s eyes narrow. “No one else?”

He doesn’t know what Da-ge is searching for. For him to lie? 

The dread starts to creep back in. Is this a test? Is he failing? Will he be exiled or executed after all? Should-

The hands on his face and back tense briefly, then gentle, and so does Da-ge’s expression. “Nevermind,” he says. “We’ll talk about those things later.

And then Nie Huaisang finds himself swept into a near-bruising hug, the unblemished side of his face pressed into Da-ge’s shoulder.

Oh, this-

This-

His breath hitches in his throat, and then comes out as a sob.

—

There is a banquet.

Nie Huaisang does not go, instead remaining holed up in the new room he has been given for as long as the logistics of breaking down what remains of the spoils among the Sunshot participants will take.

He has yet to find anything suitable for covering his face, and though he has already embarrassed himself and his brother by appearing in front of some of those allies, there will be… others attending, and he wants to put off having to be seen by them as long as possible.

Someone leaves him food and wine at the door. 

That’s good enough.

There is one thing he needs to do, however, and once it is late enough that he can be reasonably sure he won’t run into any revelers, he silently slips out of his room.

Just his luck that Da-ge and Xichen-ge are walking down the hall just as he exits, but they are fortunately too distracted to notice him, talking urgently in low tones.

“-and my answer is still no, Xichen. I will have enough to deal with looking after my flesh and blood brother.”

“Mingjue-xiong-”

He decides he does not want to know what they are discussing, and continues on his way.

The last time he saw Meng Yao was when he was being hidden away from whatever -likely Wen Ruohan’s death- was happening in the throne room. 

He has heard that Meng Yao has finally won legitimization.

He just wants to see for himself, that’s all.

—

Of course, he hadn’t expected to immediately be placed on the same level as his half-brother, but Jin Guangyao had hoped for… something more when his father had decided to officially declare their familial relationship.

Something more than continuing to be the hands that conducted the dirty work to keep others clean.

Something more than a private -public- joke to be snickered at as his family got deeper into their cups.

Sitting on his temporary bed, he sighs and rubs his face. At least Nie-zongzhu hadn’t picked any especially tumultuous arguments… not with him, anyway. That’s a good sign, considering…

He wishes A-Sang had been there. He understands why he wasn’t, but nonetheless, he wishes A-Sang had been there. 

He hadn’t been present for the reunion of the Nie brothers in the throne room, having been carrying out his father’s demand elsewhere, but he had heard about it by eavesdropping on the eavesdroppers, and he just wants to know if-

-no, nevermind. 

He will check up on his once-charge in the morning, once things have settled and he doesn’t have to worry about being bitten by a certain protective guard dog of a brother.

He finishes shedding his boots, and is just about to blow out the candle and settle under the covers when there is a soft -very familiar- pattern rapped at his door.

Surprised, but not unhappy, to hear it, Jin Guangyao gets up to answer it and offers a smile to his visitor.

[whoredmode]

On Johnny and Anteros

like i was saying. i’ve been working on something.

There's something inside Johnny and Anteros’ dynamic that has plagued me for the longest time, an element of their relationship that I just haven’t been able to put into words. It, to an extent, can be said of Anteros and his dynamics with other men from SR1 (Dex and Troy), but the key difference here is that Johnny and Anteros never develop any sort of romantic feelings for each other. That, despite everything, the love itself is rooted in friendship. Perhaps something almost fraternal. This feeling being the expression of love and masculinity. 

As I said, this feeling can be seen in Anteros’ relationships with Dex and Troy in SR1/SR2. The walls begin to crumble between the respective partners because of mutual romantic feelings, though each held back by particular hurdles of the time (for Dex, period-typical homophobia and his own closeted feelings keep the two from being as open as they could be, instead left to love each other behind closed doors. Not to mention Dex’s growing feelings of envy towards Anteros for becoming what is essentially Julius’ favorite, a title he’d long been working for and felt most deserving of. For Troy, his own feelings of guilt and inadequacy, as well as fear that Anteros does not reciprocate keeps him from initially moving forward, only reaching their climax after a particular practice fight in the abandoned theater lot. Perhaps the fights were only a means to touch him). But I'll be here all day if I sit down and dissect those two dynamics (though I'd happily do so if anyone wanted to hear about that).

This is about Johnny and Anteros. This is about a man open about his love for other men, his love for his friends, his own relationship with masculinity and femininity. This is about a man who introduces himself by describing his cock, a man who channels his feelings into violence, a man who will never get over the death of his wife (of which he blames himself and the Saints for). 

What do you do when you have all these feelings but no outlet for them? When faced with the one person you wanna confide in, you instead find yourself held back by your own self-doubt and adherence to masculine social norms? In the most basic sense, Johnny and Anteros do not speak the same language. The “I love yous” are only ever said when the other isn’t listening, when the other cannot understand. They do not and maybe will never express their love for each other in a way that makes sense to the other. 

So instead Johnny and Anteros will find themselves in a constant push and pull. They fumble through the motions, doing what they can and hoping the vague conversations can get across what they mean. Johnny’s outlet for his feelings is violence; he struggles to be emotionally open like Anteros is. Violence will give you an end result. Talking about things, as far as he can tell, won’t change anything. He can’t wear his heart on his sleeve like Anteros can. In the same vein, Anteros can’t hide his feelings no matter how hard he might try. He will tell his life story to a stranger. 

The Boss and Johnny Gat are mirrors of each other. And when they look into that mirror, when they look within that reflection, they become more aware of their own faults. 

“The Saints failed me. They failed Aisha. I failed her.” 

“How could I be the leader of the Saints? I’m just some stripper who walked on the wrong street corner.” 

How do you express that when you’ve spent your whole life putting up the mask of machismo, of being the indestructible magnet of power that is Johnny Gat? As Anteros, how do you express that to the one person whose opinion you want most of all, to the person who’s been by your side the longest yet still feels a million miles away? The connections they make will always be fragile. Anyone could die tomorrow. Both understand this well. But neither wants to be alone.

Perhaps the great irony, the echo to Johnny’s toughness, is that Anteros fears appearing weak to Johnny. He needs to be the boss for the Saints. He needs to be the boss for Johnny. 

In many ways, at one point in time, Johnny and Anteros were each other’s last friend in the world. Close enough to comfort. And to hurt. 

We see how Anteros’ decisions weigh down on Johnny as time goes on. During the events and ending of the LoP Story and through the beginnings of SRTT, we see how Anteros changes and how it impacts the people around him. None more so than Johnny. Shaundi and Pierce can adapt. Johnny cannot—in this way once again mirroring Anteros as we knew him in SR2. They are men both haunted by their respective pasts, unable to let go of certain events and people and times. What do you do when you can’t express that to your only friend left in the world? How do you tell him he’s changed? What do you say when the reflection in the mirror is unrecognizable? So many of their actions are rooted in this desire to reach out to the other in the only way they know how, trying to prove to each other that they are what’s worth fighting for, worth loving, that they know they need each other. Johnny is more than capable of showing love. Anteros is more than capable of showing his strength. But they’ve locked themselves in this stalemate, this impasse in which showing vulnerability, insecurity to the other is unthinkable. They need to be strong for the other’s sake. Failure for Johnny manifests as guilt and aggression. Failure for Anteros manifests as humiliation and grief. 

Maybe there isn’t one grand conclusion to it all. As the years go on, as they experience more tragedy and joy together, perhaps the barriers begin to fall gradually. As they hit their 40s in the modern day, I find myself thinking about how similar they’ve grown to be by that point, both bored by the lack of excitement in their lives now that the Saints have a steady hold over Stilwater. In recent years, they’ve found themselves genuinely confiding in each other about that, spending more time together one-on-one, reenergizing the friendship and brotherhood that started all those years ago in 2006. 

I just find it interesting is all. Examining male friendships and love under the expectations of manhood, comparing it to the expression of feelings in romantic relationships. How it impacts them both.

Johnny and Anteros need each other in a way so uniquely theirs that I’ve found it so hard to explain for so long. Maybe I’ve gotten those feelings across. Maybe not—the latter being the more apt answer, ironically.

[msclaritea]

Creepily, the Woody Allen Romp ‘Vicky Cristina Barcelona’ Channels the Book That Outed Picasso’s Treatment of Women

"Here’s an odd footnote to the whole conversation about Picasso in pop culture, coming off the kerfuffle around Hannah Gadsby’s “Pablo-matic” show at the Brooklyn Museum. As I was researching Picasso’s life while writing about that show I read Françoise Gilot’s memoir Life With Picasso. I had a feeling of deja vu, and I realized that was because I had recently seen Woody Allen’s Vicky Cristina Barcelona.

The more I think about it, the more certain I am that Vicky Cristina Barcelona—a late-period, but pre-Vanity Fair exposé trifle from Allen—is channeling Gilot’s tell-all. Which is unsettling, for reasons I’ll explain.

Here’s my case. Vicky Cristina Barcelona tells the tale of two young American women visiting Barcelona, who are swept up into a multi-cornered love affair with a lusty Spanish painter, Juan Antonio (played by Javier Bardem). Obviously, Françoise Gilot’s book is set in the 1940s, not the 2000s; it’s set in France, not Spain; and Gilot herself is French, not American. But the fact that Bardem’s artist draws on the archetype of Picasso as a sex god was noted on the film’s release.

Picasso, of course, is connected with Barcelona. In fact, the “little restaurant” where Vicky (Rebecca Hall) and Cristina (Scarlett Johansson) first meet Juan Antonio in the film is Els Quatre Gats, the Barcelona hangout where Picasso had his first show, which to this day features a Picasso artwork on its menu. In Gilot’s book, she describes first meeting with Picasso at a Paris spot called… La Catalan.

That first-meeting scene is mirrored between My Life With Picasso and Vicky Cristina Barcelona. In Allen’s film, after spying Juan Antonio at an art opening and hearing gossip about him as “the painter with the bad divorce,” the two friends—Vicky being depicted as more practical, Cristina the more free-spirited—glimpse him at the restaurant, noticing him eyeing them across the room. He then boldly approaches their table and invites him to come away with him to Oviedo to see a sculpture that he finds inspiring.

In Gilot’s description of her meeting with Picasso, she and her friend Genevieve spot the famous painter at La Catalan, noting Picasso eyeing them from across the room. He then boldly comes over to proposition them. A mutual friend offers an introduction: “Françoise is the intelligent one. Genevieve is the beautiful one.” Both women are painters. “Well… I’m a painter, too,” Picasso is quoted as saying. “You must come to my studio and see some of my paintings.”

Vicky Cristina Barcelona, like Life With Picasso, is about the fascinations and complications of entering into a painter’s bohemian sexual lifestyle. Vicky, an intellectual, and Cristina, an artist, form a kind of composite Gilot, who was both an intellectual and an artist. In Allen’s film, both characters move into and out of romantic entanglement with Juan Antonio.

Allen’s movie climaxes with Juan Antonio trying to coax Vicky back into bed with him, arguing that she is not happy with her boring and conventional new husband; Gilot’s book ends with Picasso begging Gilot to be with him again, arguing that she will never be satisfied with her boring and conventional new fiancé (artist Luc Simon; Gilot would go on to marry polio vaccine inventor Jonas Salk).

Posters dispalyed at the screening of Vicky Cristina Barcelona at the Southampton Cinema. Photo by Kevin Kane/Getty Images.

Vicky Cristina Barcelona is best remembered as the vehicle that won Penelope Cruz an Oscar for her very memorable role as Maria Elena, Juan Antonio’s ex-wife who pops back up to create zany complications for his budding romance with the two Americans because of her fiery and possessive nature. In Gilot’s book, the constant return of Picasso’s various lovers is a central thread. Cruz’s Maria Elena seems a composite of two specifically: Olga Khokhlova and Dora Maar. Khokhlova was Picasso first wife, and Gilot describes her as stalking and even attacking her out of jealousy, and barging into their home to live with her and Picasso, to Picasso’s bemusement and irritation. Dora Maar was, like Maria Elena, an art photographer and painter with a flair for the dramatic—not to mention a past where they fought violently.

In Gilot’s book, Picasso at one point has to deal with Dora Maar’s mental breakdown, seemingly triggered by the stress of their breakup (Picasso would send Maar to be treated by Jacques Lacan). In Vicky Cristina Barcelona, Juan Antonio has at one point to go to aid Maria Elena when she attempts suicide, prompting the second-act complication where Maria Elena comes to his house to live with Juan Antonio and Cristina while she recovers.

(“I don’t trust her, Juan Antonio,” Cruz’s character says upon seeing Johansson’s Cristina. “Her eyes are not one color.” Françoise Gilot had heterochromia—different colored eyes.)

The Life With Picasso inspiration is not one that Allen mentioned openly, to my knowledge—to the contrary, he told Collider he “had the idea about two women going away on a summer thing some place,” and improvised the script around the city of Barcelona (which partly funded it). Three years later, Pablo Picasso appeared as a character for Allen in the ebulliently goofy Midnight in Paris.

But whether it’s coincidence, unconscious influence, or coded homage, the unnerving thing about the parallel between Vicky Cristina Barcelona and Life With Picasso is that the latter is not just any book about Pablo Picasso. It’s particularly remembered as the source of a lot of the negative stories about the painter’s treatment of women: the time he burned Gilot with a cigarette, saying he wanted to brand her; the time he terrorized her friend Genevieve with unwanted sexual advances, a ploy to scare her away and isolate Gilot from her. Above all, it details Picasso’s controlling and childish treatment of the women in his life.

Placing the two works side by side, it feels as if Allen took this tale about the troubling underside of the myth of the force-of-nature male genius, and then just tweaked it to leave out the “troubling underside” part. Gilot’s Picasso is selfish and manipulative; she speaks of his “standard technique of using people like ninepins, of hitting one person with the ball to make the other fall down.” Woody Allen’s Picasso-esque painter is caring and generous; instead of being played off against each other, the women in his life are drawn into a spicy three-way romance by his sheer sexual magnetism.

Obviously, Vicky Cristina Barcelona doesn’t claim to be anything other than a fun romp. But equally obviously, given the charges that did and do hover around Woody Allen, it’s difficult not to look back on the sexual politics of all his works with a suspicious eye. And there would be something particularly telling about Woody Allen picking up the book that told the story of Picasso’s dark side and thinking, “what a delightful character.”

Finally, an Artnet article worth reading. So, Woody Allen ripped the entire idea for his film from a book about Picasso, hiding the dark side of the artist, and basically pushing forth the idea that the behavior of the artist was not only totally normal but even sexy. If people want to understand different types of propaganda in film, this would be exhibit A.

[mangoofthesea]

Took me a week but I'm here! I was tagged by @abstract-moth

1. Why did you choose your URL?

I decided to do a revamp of my blog last year after having the same blog url and set up for a few years.

I was really into this podcast called You're Wrong About at the time and they had a series on Jessica Simpson and during it they talked about some joke relating to her being made fun of for questioning why a can of tuna had the brand name Chicken of the Sea and i liked the sound of 'of the sea' as the name of something and subed in 'mango' because I really like mangoes and I thought the name as a whole had a cool vibe to it (made these choices all in about 10 minutes the same day I was setting up my new laptop)

2. Any side blogs?

Technically 2 but I don't pose much to them :supernatural-art and spacewordwasaimingforozai, both from different eras of interests

3. How long have you been on Tumblr?

pfffft uhh I wanna say since about 2014 since I've had an account which went unused for around a year then started using it from the beginning of 2015

4. Do you have a queue tag?

sometimes I use q but I will just occasionally queue things really

5. Why did you start your blog in the first place?

I saw loads of screenshots on fb and pinterest of tumblr posts and they made me laugh and I wanted to get in on that, as well as hearing it was good for fandom

6. Why did you choose you icon/pfp?

It was when I was doing the blog revamp and I had the picture saved in a 'to draw' file and thought it was a good vibe

7. Why did you choose your header?

same reason as above but a meme folder

8. What’s your post with the most notes?

This one that I made before falling asleep and woke up to find a lot of people could relate then its just kept going up

9. How many mutuals do you have?

At least about 20 I think, some I don't interact with or see active anymore so probably more like 15 that I see regularly

10. How many followers do you have?

694 wow nice c'mon guys get me to 700

11. How many people do you follow?

398. I honestly thought it would be more

12. Have you ever made a shit post?

Probably????

13. How often do you use tumblr?

Basically every day minus when I delete the app from my mobile for whatever reason for a couple days and only use it sporadically on my computer and am active less

14. Did you ever have a fight/argument with another blog?

Had an argument briefly with someone on a post of mine a few years back about an opinion I had for a show (supernatural) and what they were doing with the plot. I think I technically won it mostly by not getting aggressive and just repeating it was an opinion I had that could maybe happen, but I found it so stressful I deleted all reblogs I had done with the discussion on lol

15. How do you feel about “you need to reblog” posts?

I think its nice to do and personally I really like reblogging basically everything but get that other people don't. It's something that can be nice to do and feels very tumblr exclusive which is why I like it I think

16. Do you like tag games?

I love them! So thanks @abstract-moth it's been fun getting tagged in stuff again as it's been a couple years since that's been consistent for me

17. Do you like ask games?

Also love!

18. Which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

I think maybe akaashiscupofwater as they seem present in the hq fandom quite a bit and I got super excited when they followed me

I’m tagging @wonderlandmoonrose7 , @gats-puckish-rogue , @flannel-wearing-warrior (absolutely no pressure though), and anyone else that wants to do this :)

[eowima]

Thank you for the tag @maybebrilliant :D

1. Why did you choose your url?

Because I wanted something as badass as Eowin because I was in my LOTR phase and I love her, and that’s the first thing that came to mind xD

2. Any side blogs?

Nope!

3. How long have you been on Tumblr?

I was on Tumblr back in 2012 or something, can’t remember the username but I used it to reblog allllllllllll the pretty Andrew Garfield posts skrskrskr but then I left, and came back in January 2020 so let’s say one year and a half :D

4. Do you have a queue tag?

Nooooo, no queue, we reblog 4524994 posts in one-go like men

5. Why did you start your blog in the first place?

To share my writing, because I kept seeing people adding the tumblr username at the end of their fics and I was like, ooh I should do that too! :D

6. Why did you choose your pfp/icon?

My soulmate made it :D also Peter Parker is bi and so am I (that rhymes :D)

7. Why did you choose your header?

Because they’re my babies and I love them, also pretty pic

8. What’s your post with the most notes?

It’s a picrew I did a week ago or something, people keep reblogging it to add theirs and I kinda wish the option to deactivate notifications worked because UGH xD

9. How many mutuals do you have?

65 :D hello cuties ♥

10. How many followers do you have?

222 followers, that’s pretty :D

11. How many people do you follow?

170 :D

12. Have you ever made a shitpost?

I had to look up what that means xD and nope, not really, I don’t think I ever have :o 

13. How often do you use Tumblr?

Not much, most times I just show up and reblog 145228 posts in one-go and then I go away again, it’s fun :D

14. Did you ever have a fight/argument with another blog?

Nope, nobody talks to me LOL

15. How do you feel about the ‘you need to reblog’ posts?

I’ve been working on being more assertive in my life because I really need to, so whenever I read/hear something like ‘you have to’ or ‘you need to’ I instantly go ‘NO’ without thinking, so there xD

16. Do you like tag games?

Yeah, they’re fun! :D sometimes I forget to do the ones I’ve been tagged to do tho oops

17. Do you like ask games?

Sure, if I’m feeling talkative (not likely) or bored (quite likely), but I’m mostly too shy to reblog them xD

18. Which of your mutuals do you think is Tumblr famous?

No idea :o I didn’t think you could be famous on Tumblr lolz

19. Do you have a crush on a mutual?

Can you have a crush on your soulmate? I gats a crush on @daisylincs she da best I love her :D

20. Tags! 

Don’t know who would want to do this and too lazy to think about it, so I’m tagging anyone who wants to, say I tagged you :D ♥

[talesfromacrip]

Tea Time With Yours Truly:

Don’t you love it when you finally realize you’re truly moving on from a toxic situation like the adult you are, when a song you like makes you rethink your visions, feelings, etc. of someone?? or it that me? everything starts to feel entirely new again though regardless. better n’ cooler bc you know you’re not suffering anymore.. just, a fantastic feeling. woo

fucking incredible. I’m F R E E. absolutely free. still hurts though. some things made me realize I should’ve done it sooner and I did. as best I could, i did.I tried all I could and I succeeded for the most part,but damn do they haunt me so badly. I hate it.

Go away, pest. the last 5/6 years have been an emotional roller coaster for me and I want off.somehow I did,the ride still catching me occasionally and pulling me back on, dragging me to the unknown

((some good things happened here n’ there like me meeting some friends I still talk toooo, playing new games and finding new animes))

it’s just good to know though that my mind doesn’t associate them with anything anymore bc they didn’t deserve anything much tbh. just like told me

———

———

I really want to bug my online buds constantly. From when I get up to when I fall asleep. send them memes, all that funky jazz..but I don’t. I can’t. I feel like I’m too clingy.. too needy.

I AM ACTUALLY. I shouldn’t care, but I do. Maybe it’s because I’m too emotional, too sensitive, too much, blah, blah, blah. Something "bad". Shit the grump hated that has just stuck to me like black balloons since. (( NF is the same with his mental issues. I’m glad to know I’m not alone with thinking of depression, anxiety, etc. as black balloons. Their like lifeless weights, but we still feel them weighing us down))

I love constant communication, especially from close friends.. bug me. 24/7. whenever, whatever. I don’t do anything. much that is. I’m overwhelmed when communicating nowadays so help me out pls??or not><

I don’t ask for it much though bc i was put down for asking for it. I was always told to say certain things as well, not think a certain way, send things at certain times. nothing nsfw even though we where adults. no art much bc it was always judged, other dumb shit.. I felt like the ultimate fucking bother bc of that.. person.

So I stayed to myself because of that and that made me worse ove time.

((I drove some people away when I did and I still am I feel,but I’m trying not too.. I couldn’t deal with myself though, I felt absolutely horrible. When I did, I said some nasty shit and I regret it all because a prick made me feel like complete shit and worthless about myself. I didn’t have to take it out on others like that, but wow.. I did. If I told anyone though,he’d come after me and that was what I didn’t want.. so nice huh?))

I felt like a broken down old dog. I still feel like that occasionally not as bad. not a pleasant feeling at all though

Are all of the things that make me like this really that bad or annoying or make me even less though?? fuck no it doesn’t. It makes me wayyyy better and much more cooler honestly, but those feelings still linger bc the manipulation was so bad..

—

Why the hell would you want me to be boring or better yet be with a boring person who doesn’t talk much and puts others down for similar behavior??

Why would I be with someone who doesn’t share any interests with me much or puts mine down bc they’re childish or unnecessary??

Why would I be with someone that doesn’t communicate anything at all and whatnot,like...please tell me??

I’m genuinely fucking interested.

-

They told me I was always being too nice all the time. too soft, too babyish. too honest. too sensitive. blah, blah, blahhh. whenever I said something that was tooo personal or informative it’s like: "That’s too much information don’t ya think??" UMM, N O?? "Don’t say that around me ever or I’ll unfriend you and never speak to you again." Okay.. THEN DO IT, PUSSY.

Fucking asshat, douche canoe looking ass cunt.. ((He didn’t like those words or almost any word tbh it seems. true killjoy, I swear and I thought I was. I couldn’t even say oh my god or anything with lord in it because he’d then start saying "why are you saying that when you’re an atheist?" Umm actually I’m agnostic.. ))

he hated the whole "umm actually" deal too that I would do.. literally drove me up the damn wall every time. who fucking cares if I say that?? I’ve been accustomed to it because of my parents and people in general. come the fuck on now

It’s pretty common to say, twit. Don’t take it seriously, joke or not to piss me off to make you happy..man, he irritated the hell out of me and I’m glad he’s gone. like..look ‘bud’ should I just be angry and a constant liar and hateful and just, overall vile like you then all the time?? Guess so huh!! ohh boy!!

Which was almost that unfortunately.. i’m not good at lying and all like you though, you snake. when I did it wasn’t how I was feeling, it was how you felt.. which disgusted me.

I was always honest to you. maybe a few lies, but those were mostly about certain games that I didn’t really play and what I was laughing at. which was your dumb ass most of the time.

He made me start to hate things that made me very happy by being a total prick about it.. I miss feeling overwhelmed with overflowing joy for the things that bring and brought me peace.

I still have it, but it’s not as strong as it was before because some dumb fuck stepped on it too much telling me I’m weak in the process.

I couldn’t like anything anymore much without hearing him yelling at me occasionally and others as well that I never noticed till everything happened. just,yelling at me loudly and telling me how awful i am and other annoying, idiotic shit.. maybe that was your plan all along , to ruin me. ruin my confidence, my strength and my will to move up and thrive in life..

you tried dragging me down your well for being myself when you couldn’t.. pathetic. I bet you’re happy bc you feel like you ‘succeeded’ with this,but you didn’t win the war.

You never will

———

———

they always manipulated me to dislike the things in life that made me happy. This irritated me a lot.. ((my interests in obscure and ‘buttrock’ bands/music in general, anime, weird games, my love for peculiar art, my badass friends..))

said absolute dumb shit if I got closer to some more than them. ((making me waste sooo much god damn time. say you’re busy all the time even though you live a "boring fucking same day to day lifestyle." tell them how you can’t message all the time when in fact you can and that you’re constantly on the only device that gets you connected to the world outside. tell them.)) makin me lie and be distant about how I felt with some of my amazing friends..

It was never about how I truly felt, but how they felt for me. (("Ohh they made you feel like that?? Well, it made me feel like this and you should too because //insert dumb explanation here//.", "You shouldn’t feel like that towards them, they don’t deserve it.", "Maybe I deserve to be treated like that instead, screw them.", "Don’t feel like that towards them or //issue//, thats absolutely appalling, childish, flat out sappy.", "Don’t let them know how you’re really feeling.. just act like you don’t care at all. They don’t care to help you anyway or else you’d be living a better life.", "They’ll just spread it around so just stay quiet instead until spoken too about it."))

E N D ME !!!  

Pls, I beg of you.. not really but the thoughts though, please

———

———

he would tell me to not bug him when hes on a game, but he could to me. even on social media, which is how we stayed connected and not by messenger pigeons like it’s the 1500’s.

"Don’t bug me on FB when I’m not on." Okay, but I wanna share this with you...?? also, how the hell am I gonna know when you’re on when I’m drawing and trying to occupy my on edge brain??

proceeds to spam me shit in process irritating me. "Don’t bug me, don’t bug me" I hear like a whiny little baby.

"Why do you bug me all the time??" UMM, MAYBE BECAUSE I CARE AND I WANT TO UHHH, IDK SHARE THIS NEAT SHIT WITH YOU??? PENDEJO PUTA DE MIERDA!!

"I’ll message you and send invites when I feel like it." - Shithead towards the end. Circa 1818. ((Yeah, weeks or a month later like nothing happened. "I’ll see you later or tonight when I see you on, get back on, when I’m done eating" just, excuse after excuse..))

((IM ALWAYS FUCKIN ONLINE 24 GAT DAMN 7.  YOU KNOW THIS, SHITHEAD. I ALWAYS WANT TO TALK TO YOU OR SOMEONE IN THE DAMN GROUP. DNT FUCK WIT ME, MY TIME, OR PATIENCE LIKE THAT ANYMORE. ENOUGH. S T O P. And it did.. thank g o d))

———

———

would literally make me wait around and feel like a complete and utter fool when instead he could’ve messaged and been like maybe tomorrow or something, but no.. nothing. made me believe in all sorts of dumb shit. ((Sad I did, but I was pretty gullible. still am. some stuff was just, a big nope though and obvious. I wouldn’t let him get to me that much, but he did in some ways.. disgusting ..))

I was made to feel like I was cared for when in fact I never was to begin with. explains a lot tbh. I felt like a disgusting half empty shell of a person with barely any fragments of a heart and soul left inside. that’s very dark, I know, but that’s how it feels in a way

"It’s not real, this depression you’re feeling, it’s just a phase. it’ll pass/ just suck it up and move on / don’t worry about it you’re fine, you’re just overreacting or overthinking about it / think positive more and be happy nothing bad has really happened to you yet/ I remember when you didn’t act like this."

HOW AND WHAT?!? EXCUSE ME, PEASANT!? SAY THAT AGAIN.. TO MY ACTUAL FACE. I DARE YOU N’ YEAH, I DO TO CAPTAIN OBVIOUS.

———

———

I love how people ((friends and some mutuals)) thought I actually wanted to be, be with him, romantically and all that, that is but I just couldn’t..it was never there. I felt it for others though or someone to be exact, during those times which is how I knew I was in a toxic situation and it wasn’t real love or love in general I felt for them. just a facade

I just couldn’t let people know how badly he was treating me so I was sucked into a woven web of lies that got out of hand and ruined some pretty good moments for me completely it seemed

I never once wanted to fuck him or anything of the sort.

at first, we were kinda flirty and sweet with one another. talkin about cuddlin n’ goin on silly dates when we meet ya know. cute and fluffy things. things I got shit for down the road keep in mind. we’d give each other cute lil compliments to one another. It was just, cute and fun stuff ya know. especially since we were young as well.

there was never anything sexual between us either or too sexual, just crushy feels. ((I’m really fucking glad because mm, mmm. hard fucking pass))

he’d never and i mean never get my moist meter high, EVER. drier than this damn valley I live with scattered tumbleweeds, I tell you. not even a lil tingle. no bells ringing.fireworks flinging. I thought about it too and I’d just get disgusted tbh. thats how I knew

I felt like he’d be the worst in the end anyway and he was in general. he wasn’t even comfortable with himself or his sexuality and others things.. sooo, noooo, NOPE. thank u, next!!

I’m completely comfortable with mine.. thanks to my friends and some a bit more. I’m a bit scared to admit though that I’m demi bc of manipulation, but it is.

Happens unfortunately and I know I’m not alone on this journey of self acceptance. I wouldn’t have mind talking about it though, in a calm civil manner like adults do instead of giggling and making weird noises like an idiotic child.

Having it being brought up randomly amongst mutuals and all that got extremely awkward too as well, I hated it. "You wanna fuck him?", "You ever thought about it you two since y’all so close?" crickets and a few mumbled noises.. HA.mmm, I cared about him or what was left of him, not like that. honey flower ain’t or never will be feelin it for him.. EVER. HE EMOTIONALLY MANIPULATED ME AND I DIDNT EVEN KNOW SEX THAT MUCH OR MYSELF LIKE THAT SO FUCK HIM. uwu

She’s kinda quiet and scared tbh because he’s such a total killjoy asshole. she senses fear. she knows who really gets her bud blooming. just, the thought of him though like that made me wanna scream and kick him in this stupid ass face.

Ruined a lot of things for me, I swear but I’m moving on as best as I can.

—

He had this switch flip type of mood. I don’t even remember how or why it happened, but it just got worse during and after his breakup it seems.

Which was like 3-4 years ago. started happening out of the blue and over time it just started to bug the living fuck out of me. daily. I was starting to hate it and hate it I did. made my skin crawl.. ((all the Linkin Park jokes))

It made me hate myself which I never did much tbh and I didn’t like that at all.. I wanted out, but I didn’t know where to go. I didn’t know who to talk to bc he’d come after me if I did especially if they knew him..

they didn’t though and were on my side, but yeah. I’m glad it stopped

A L L OF IT. I don’t need that kind ‘love’ in my life. that,awful presence. I don’t need any of that at all.. MMM, MMM BYE, BYE!! Disgusting.

———

———

I wanted to help em try to be happy so fuckin bad after what happened ya know as friends do, when it should’ve been myself making me happy instead.. it was,but everything just got to me.

All the sighs. How lovely huh. We were ‘best friends’ ya know. I can’t even really call anyone that much bc it unnerves me. you’re supposed to make each other happy and all that as best friends, not a sad sack of low shit.

I can’t believe I wanted to be with him and or be around him that is... eughh. I was confused and in a dangerous situation towards the end.. feels like it was my fault, but it wasn’t.

Couldn’t talk to anyone about it. It was extremely fucking stupid on my part

Long time or not, why? just, holding onto old times I guess

That’s where I messed up. I didn’t even really bother trying to be with him tbh as I’ve said. in the beginning maybe yeah when we were younger, but he made me feel less and less over time as we grew older. I was embarrassed about a lot of shit and slowly I just finally realized how much of an asshole he really and truly is and how bad I wanted him out my life.

I couldn’t get away and when I did, he’d still be there someway.. haunting me with his negative nagging.it was dumb I know. I just don’t know exactly how I got lost in it so damn badly, but man, am I really dumb for doing it..

I wholeheartedly despise those feelings I had then and I fucking despise them now. ALL OF THEM. THEY HAVE RUINED MY LIFE AND IDK WHAT TO DO ANYMORE

((Great character development though, Cynth. Growing up and moving on. Something he could never do))

I don’t want to bring these problems into anyone else’s life and I did and I regret it.. I would like to disconnect from the server please bc of it, thank you

———

———

I was made to feel like my disability was cureable around him and that I can do shit when I get my operations done when in fact, I can’t at all and won’t ever get ‘cured’ or anything like that of the sort.typical ableist /lamdwalker activity. despite how many times I told him,he’d forget. Mhmm, sure.. you only heard what you wanted. It’s fine

"We’ll be able to do this when you get said //part// fixed.." what? can I not do that now or something?? I know I can’t, but I can at least try right?? am I really not that good enough to be around and do shit with?? guess so, cool. Okay, I see. I really tolerated some extreme ableism and I still do, but it’s not as bad as that was..

I wish I could cure my RA though like that and have said money to do it. Snap my fingers and it’s done right? ummm, no. not as easy you think dumb ass. I have fused joints, osteo, it’s everywhere like how the hell am I gonna fix that so easily?? tell me, doc

You trippin more than younger me did. I think that’s why he just flat out ditched me in the end and got a gf while he was at it that had an almost exact personality as me in the process. he would point it out too and made me feel fucking creeped out even more.. like, I get it. can’t be youre, abled dream

Why do you care if we’re alike in some ways though?? ((Look where it got him though. He’s still struggling with it, the breakup, bringing it up once n’ awhile like it didn’t happen. It was hilarious to me bc he really was a basket case. I know he was trying to get rid of it, but he was more obsessive about it than a mf))

thankful I don’t deal with it anymore

———

———

"You live the same day to day lifestyle. Ever since you and I graduated. The same fucking thing. The only new things you do are go to your stupid concerts or teach those weird kids. I see it or you end up telling me anyway." ((I know captain obvious yet again.. at least I’m having fun when I’m doing that. concerts for my favorite bands make me happy, teaching my kids do too ya asshole))

"Nothing is gonna change anyway if you get those procedures done. It’ll be worse for you and we all know that. Just deal with it and try to move on." ((I hate hearing your voice in my head. I want to ban it, mute it from all existence.. I’ve been replacing it with others and I’m glad it’s working))

———

———

I keep hearing his voice sometimes when I post something on social media. not his actual voice, but something similar, especially in tone. moody and monotone. art,status, any of those with hashtags, rt‘s, anything.. I heard it

"Why did you post that?? Looking for attention or something?", "Not many people liked it because it’s //insert stuff I love here//", "Don’t like shit like that. I don’t want to scroll around awkwardly when I’m out.", "I saw what you put. Idk how to approach it, but I’ll like it to show you I care/to look at later to process."

Tf does that mean and huh?? Why do you care what I put anyway?? I don’t care what you put so why should you care what I put?? Why make me feel like shit for putting this up or talking about something I have some balls too. I want people to know. I’m close to some of these people

I haven’t been posting much because of that. It’s very noticeable and my some of my friends can vouch for it from the viewing couch. renders I do of friends stuff, my original work, OC stuff, fan arts. A L L gets judged by the mighty grump. who it is, colors, the style, shading.. nothing was good enough I guess. even though you said it was and so did my brain at one point. It does, but she’s just not that confident much anymore

He’d get on fan art which was the most irritating thing. "Try and draw like that or do something like that for once.", "They didn’t get me right.. did you give them the references? Even though you still haven’t made a proper one?", "Why did they draw me like that?", "That’s cool. Why my character though?" PEOPLE DRAW IN THEIR OWN WAYS IN MANY STYLES AND CAN CREATIVELY DO WHATEVER THEYD LIKE YA FUCKIN DUMBASS. IN THE END, ITS MY CHARACTER ANYWAY. YOU DIDNT DRAW HIM. I DID N’ WHO CARES. MAYBE THEY LIKE YOUR CHARACTER OR IDK I REQUESTED IT TO MAKE YOUR SAD ASS HAPPY.

"Ohh yeah, I used to draw back in the day." The shit he sent me was traced, had his signature on it covering the original artists, no consistent style. Straight up thief and ugly liar. He can’t even draw a straight line, let alone paint a piece. Please, boy. I KNEW IT AND HED MANIPULATE ME INTO THINKING IT WAS AND I KNEW. AINT FOOLING ME THERE. I maybe or might’ve been extremely gullible as a teen, but ooohhh honeyyyy, I knew, I knew.

Artist my ass. Yeah con artist :))

———

———

I hated the awkward silence moments between us when we spoke. I literally wanted to fucking scream at you like you did to me sometimes when you were having a "bad day".

I wanted to yell at you about everything you’ve ever done to me the last time we talked and I just broke down instead because I am an "emotional bitch" as you say. HOLY SHIT though, are you boring. I thought I was, but I just get dissociative and I space out because I didn’t know what to say and when I did,I got judged for it. for everything else as wel which made me feel worse. fuucking fantastic you are

You made me feel like I was was swirling in this dead and extremely lonely silence that was ever so slowly drowning me and dragging me down.. ((Like BMTH says, don’t let me drown and you did to an extent)) i couldn’t breathe right for the longest time with you there.. felt like an enormous weight on my chest

when I was in there, it was awful and made me feel worse. I didn’t want to leave and when I did,you’d think I’d be having a fit or something.so, I would stay until you left and when you did it was absolute freedom.

I swear I hated being around you. I got judged for making any sort of weird noise, hiccup, burp, humming, my singing, jokes. such a fun person you are, hmph

[ezra-blue]

You’ve Got Something - 27

For @baronvonriktenstein‘s Messy!AU

27: When The Cat’s Away

Hakkai leaves town, and asks Gojyo to house-sit.

Word Count: ~12,500

27: When The Cat's Away

Gojyo was almost embarrassed of how obviously Goku could gawk at someone. He'd physically push the kid’s jaw shut if he weren't trying so hard not to laugh at him. Gat, luckily, either hadn't noticed or was pretending not to notice that both Goku and Lirin were taking him in, Goku like he was staring at a work of art, and Lirin as if she'd found a plate of cookies. Gojyo merely patted him on the back. "Guys, this is our new mechanic, I think I mentioned him, Nenegatty Hawk."

"Just Gat," Gat added in a mutter. Goku sucked in air when Gat spoke, and Gojyo had to stifle a chuckle.

"Right. Gat, the boy's Goku, my apprentice, the girl's Lirin, our receptionist." He motioned between them, then clapped his hands together and addressed Goku and Lirin. "So, he's gonna be here Tuesday through Saturday, closing the shop, and I'm gonna be leaving at four on days he's here. That's all. Gat, you need to know where anything is, you can ask anyone, but Goku'll give you the tour."

Goku squeaked, and Gat turned his steady, focused gaze towards him, but Gojyo's phone went off, breaking the tension. "Ah, that's all. Let's get to it, kids!" Gojyo grabbed his phone as Goku nervously introduced himself again and showed Gat into the garage. Hakkai had sent a message:

"Come over for lunch?"

Gojyo grinned and typed back: "Sure."

Hakkai's response came before Gojyo could finish fixing his hair back into a ponytail: "Sanzo will come grab you when it's ready."

Gojyo blew a raspberry to himself, but replied, "Sounds good." He heard something clatter, and leaned into the garage to find Goku had stumbled into a toolkit, then groaned and chased him down. "Tol'ja, monkeybrains, you gotta watch where you're going!"

Gojyo kept catching Goku helplessly staring at Gat as they worked, and kept having to shake his head at the dumb kid. When Gat stepped out for a break, Gojyo caught Goku by the collar. "S'matter with you? You can't just stare at a guy. Plus, you have a boyfriend!"

"Hey, just 'cause I already ordered doesn't mean I ain't curious 'bout what else is on the menu!" Goku turned bright red. "An' I'm just lookin'. That's it. He's really nice to look at but I'll get over that."

Gojyo raised an eyebrow, then mussed Goku's hair and pushed his bangs into his eyes. “Fine. Just watch it. I don't want Gat complaining to me about you.”

Despite Goku staring as if Gat were washing his car shirtless and using his own chest hair as a sponge, Gojyo couldn't be happier. He was cutting his hours so he could get off at the same time as Hakkai most of the week! He could open another bay during the day and get more work done! He was one step closer to giving himself two days off a week. Gat was already worth the salary Gojyo had promised him, just for the promise of good things to come.

Gojyo busied himself through the day, but he had an ear open for the shop bell, and sure enough, Sanzo showed up right around noon. Gojyo heard Goku run out to greet him, and a brief shock of terse conversation between Sanzo and Lirin. Gojyo chuckled and went closer to listen.

“... droolin’ over at the new guy when you got a handsome boyfriend!” Lirin was pouting, but Gojyo hid in the little storage hall, a few feet behind where Goku stood, as she stomped her feet. Sanzo, standing near the door with his arms crossed tight, inhaled sharply and turned to glare at Goku. Goku laughed nervously, lifting his hands.

“You gotta see him, you'll get it! He's like seven feet tall and made of muscles!” Goku tried to estimate just how huge Gat was with his hands. “I mean, like, Gojyo's got the sexy muscles, but I think Gat's got even sexier--”

Gojyo nipped an arm out and grabbed Goku's ear, yanking it to an exclamation of pain and panic, then stepped into the office and dragged Goku a step towards Sanzo. “Kid, you're right on the knife's edge of sexual harassment. Chill.” He then pushed Goku towards Sanzo. “How's it goin'?”

Sanzo, looking like he'd sucked a lemon, tensed and took Goku by the arm. “I shouldn't be surprised by anything anymore. Come on.”

“Yeah, sure. One second.” Gojyo turned and leaned back into the shop. “Yo! Gat!” Gat stepped back from the car he was working on to face Gojyo, an eyebrow raised. “Me an' Goku were gonna grab lunch. You need anything, Lirin's here and has my number, I'll just be at the bakery on the other end of the block!” Gat nodded, and leaned right back into his work. Gojyo scratched his head. “Oh, you want anything? Coffee? Croissant?”

Gat tipped his head out from around the car hood again. “Black, and no, thank you.” Then, right back to work. Gojyo scratched his head and shrugged, but turned to find Goku, Lirin, and Sanzo at his shoulder, Goku and Lirin both grinning, and Sanzo with a face loaded with apoplexy as he examined Gat like a great big wall that had been dropped into his path. Gojyo had to force himself not to laugh, stuffing his tongue into the back of his throat like a gag for a second before he could talk without laughing.

"Guys, let's go, I don't wanna keep Hakkai waiting. Lirin, roll your tongue back into your mouth and mind the phone."

Lirin stomped both feet, then stormed back to her desk. "Killjoy cockroach."

"That's my name, kid." Gojyo grabbed his jacket and strode out the door with Goku and Sanzo in tow. He could hear them quietly talking -- Sanzo defensive and argumentative, and Goku calm but a little confused -- and smirked to himself.

Maybe Sanzo could use a little competition. Goku probably wouldn't mind if Sanzo tried harder.

Sanzo directed Gojyo and Goku to the back door of the bakery, muttering something about not wanting customers to see them go in through the front, and unlocked the door for them before immediately directing both of them to wash their hands. Hakkai had put bowls out on one of the work benches and was laying out napkins and spoons, already wearing a smile when Gojyo approached. He set a hand on his hip and admired Hakkai, always so professional in his apron and cap, grinning with satisfaction.

"Seems like those few hours between when I wake up and when I see you again are just too long, babe."

"The feeling is mutual; except I'm awake longer." Hakkai finished setting out spoons and turned, pausing only to let Gojyo dust the flour from his sleeves before leaning in for a kiss. Someone scoffed behind them, and a sharp, teasing voice interrupted:

"I'm not sure that's sanitary in my workspace." Gojyo and Hakkai turned to find Sharak, dressed in colorful pajama pants and carrying a big purse, watching them with a smirk on her face and her hands on her hips. "Knock it off, I don't think our disinfectant spray helps with cooties."

Gojyo snorted, but Hakkai sighed his discontent with a disingenuous smile. "You remember Sharak, of course."

"Couldn't forget her. Nice to see ya."

"Now, where were we?" Hakkai pulled Gojyo back to face him and kissed him square on the nose, then swept off towards the stove, speaking to the room: "I've made tomato soup and brioche melt sandwiches for everyone in the kitchen! There will be plenty in the pot if you can't take your break yet!" He returned carrying a cauldron of soup, and Sharak laughed and held out one of the empty bowls to him.

"Psht. Brioche melt. Just call it 'grilled cheese,' you ninny."

"I didn't grill it, so that would be inaccurate." Hakkai filled her bowl with a single, neat ladleful, then turned to fill the rest of the bowls, explaining to Gojyo. "I baked some of our leftover brioche loaf slices with cheddar and dressed them with a bit of clarified herb butter. The brioche is rich and buttery, and when a little stale it's absorbent, so it can pick up fantastic flavors. I love using it for sweet French toast, but it’s just as good for savory sandwiches."

"I'd love to try it." Gojyo took a bowl, as Sanzo pulled a tray of sandwiches from the oven and Goku followed with a stack of plates. Gojyo noticed that Sanzo made a point of giving Goku a plate and a sandwich as soon as Goku had put the rest of the plates down. Sharak grabbed a sandwich (over Hakkai's quick protest to 'mind yourself, the sheet is hot') and a bowl, then set her sights on Hakkai again.

"So, I don't suppose you've told your boy toy here why you had to wake me up during the day."

"Not as yet, no." Then, Hakkai leaned in, eyebrows raised with excitement. "Did you bring the sample?"

"Damn right." Sharak patted her purse, and Gojyo couldn't help but raise an eyebrow. Something had happened, and Hakkai looked absolutely delighted at the prospect.

Most of the kitchen staff milled around eating their sandwiches, but Sharak, Sanzo, and Hakkai gathered around Hakkai's bench as Sharak took a package from her purse, a brown bag rolled shut tight. Goku and Gojyo leaned in from the back of the bench, frowning with curiosity. "I was told," Sharak said with drama in her tones, "that this was packed the moment it was cool enough to be in an enclosed space and sent by Federal Express. The deliveryman woke Hassan up two hours ago. This is as fresh as it will be unless we go to their bakery ourselves."

"Enough theatrics." Sanzo grabbed a knife. "Open it."

The package was cut, revealing a round mound of golden-crusted bread with an X cut into the top crust. The smell of fresh bread wafted into the air, that ineffable smell that spoke of hearth and comfort, and Sharak and Hakkai both gasped. Sanzo didn't seem especially impressed, especially as he took up a serrated knife and carved it into little wedges. The inside of the bread was bright white, and as Gojyo took his piece, he noticed that it was springy and tender to touch, while the outside was hard and a little flaky. Hakkai tore a little bit off of his to taste, and nudged Sharak's arm. "This is the real deal. I can taste it."

"What the hell are you talking about? It's bread." Sanzo rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, sorry, babe, but I'm a little lost." Gojyo took a nibble. There was a pungent tang to the bread, making his mouth water, and the flavor sparked in his mouth, but still: "It's really good bread, but yours is better."

"That's our problem. It isn't." Sharak motioned to Hakkai. "Is there any sourdough from this morning left on the shelf? I'll buy it."

Hakkai returned with a sandwich-style loaf that had a similar flaky golden crust and the same bright white insides and passed slices around. Gojyo tasted Hakkai's slice, and though it had the same flavor, there was something different. The bread Sharak had brought out of the bag had a scent to it that reminded him a little of good beer, just a little bitter, and maybe even a little more salt. Sanzo and Goku tasted for comparison, and even Goku shook his head.

"I'm sorry, Hakkai, but yeah, the other one's better. So, what're ya gonna do?"

Hakkai and Sharak both turned right to Sanzo, who grunted uncomfortably. "How much of an improvement will it really be, and will it be worth it in the long run?"

Gojyo and Goku looked to one another, both confused, but Hakkai noticed and turned to them. "This bakery is offering a four-day sourdough seminar. They're a small shop, but well-known for having exquisite sourdough."

"And," Sharak added, excitement bright like citrus in her voice, "They'll be providing their starter to other professional bakers!"

"That's worth the cost of admission alone," Hakkai added. "Sourdough is made without adding packaged yeast, but instead by harvesting the yeast in the air and growing it as a culture in your dough. You never actually bake all of the dough, either, you simply keep some and feed it and it renews itself. When we say they're giving out their starter, I mean they're giving out a piece of their dough for us to take back.” Hakkai tore off another little piece of the bread. “The wild yeast culture living and growing in that dough actually changes the flavor of the bread, depending on where the yeast is grown, because yeast cultures differ everywhere you go. Ask any connoisseur, however, and they'll tell you the best cultures start in San Francisco."

"The West Coast is generally accepted as having better cultures than the East Coast of America, as a rule, but San Francisco is king. There's something in the air." Sharak gesticulated, twirling her fingers in the air in front of her nose, but Goku curiously volunteered:

"Is it the salt in the air from the bay? Maybe you could just add more salt to your dough."

"Sweet child." Sharak shook her head and patted his hand. "Salt kills yeast." She looked back at Gojyo as Goku stuck his lip out and hung his head. "Scientists have attempted to determine why San Francisco is consistently so much better, but there's no consensus. It's just like different bacteria cultures that naturally occur in water or in the common cold."

"Wait." Gojyo frowned. "But if you bring it up here, won't the yeast up here, y'know, spoil the party?"

"Once a culture is started, it reproduces of its own. It may capture some of our natural yeast, but chiefly, it will be the original culture." Hakkai ran his finger down the flaky crust of the round loaf. "We want to bring this bread here."

"But this tightwad here--" Sharak thumbed towards Sanzo -- "Won't pony up for the seminar."

"Am I made of money? Our gold card has a limit, you know." Sanzo crossed his arms. "The asking price is exorbitant."

"It's not that bad." Hakkai laced his fingers. "We'll share a hotel room and take the train to save money. I'll expense my own meals. I also know we're not wanting for money right now. It's an investment, Sanzo."

"We will win awards with this." Sharak sounded as certain as stone. "No other bakery in town will have bread like this. We can even market it as such: Real San Francisco Sourdough! The tourists and vacationers will love it."

Gojyo found himself nodding along, until something Hakkai had said caught him by the ear: "We'll share a hotel room." "Wait, Hakkai, you're going too?"

Hakkai faced Gojyo, eyebrows knit up, but nodding. "I want to, yes. I'd like to learn the techniques so I can train any new hires. That is, if we do learn them." He turned back towards Sanzo, his smile entreating an answer. Sanzo finally sighed with disgust.

"Fine. Fine, sign up. This better be the goddamned bestseller bread next month, and if I find out you got yourselves a fancy-ass suite at the Ritz, I'll bury you. Two double beds at a HoJo, and don't expense anything pricier than a McDonald's trip or I’ll take it out of your skin."

Sharak cackled and kissed Sanzo on the cheek, to a disgusted grimace. "Fantastic! I'll make the reservations." She patted Hakkai on the back. "I'll text you the details before I go back to bed. See you in the morning!" Sharak wolfed the rest of her sandwich down and stuffed a wedge of the sourdough bread back into her purse before sauntering out, and Gojyo turned back towards Hakkai, his heart beating a little harder.

"When're you gonna be gone?"

"If all goes according to plan, from this Friday until next Tuesday." Hakkai bit his lip. "I... should I have cleared this with you first?"

Gojyo shook his head. "Nah, you're your own man, of course you can go. This's important to you, why would I stop you?" He grinned broadly. "You just gotta bring me a souvenir."

Hakkai's face crinkled with joy. "Of course I will."

"Me too!" Goku tugged Hakkai's apron. "You gotta get pictures!"

"There won't be time for sightseeing, but I'll get souvenirs." Hakkai laughed a little and backed away from Goku, then put his hand over Gojyo's. "And can I ask a favor of you?"

"Anything, babe."

Hakkai squeezed his palm. "Will you take care of Ryuu while I'm gone?"

Gojyo's face froze in a smile. There was the fucking rub. “Sure. You got it.”

For all the upsides, there was always something, right?

Gojyo loved their new normal, for the most part. He got home in the afternoon (the same time as Hakkai now that Gat was working evenings), he kicked his boots off and washed his face, and he was greeted with Hakkai's happy kiss, a glass of water, an offer for tea, and an request for him to tell Hakkai all about his day. Then, there was dinner, and it was always good, and Gojyo got to enjoy Hakkai's company. Then, they'd sit on the sofa, cozy and happy, and Hakkai could read and Gojyo could watch whatever he wanted on the little TV in Hakkai's hutch.

Usually, though, Ryuu would slink up, jump directly between Hakkai and Gojyo, and hiss and spit at Gojyo whenever Gojyo reached for Hakkai. Even when he wasn't trying to get fresh! Ryuu had the meanest face when he stared at Gojyo, fierce like a little tiger with his teeth bared, and if Gojyo did just try to reassure himself, 'it's just a cat, what can he do to stop me?' and reached past him to tousle Hakkai's hair, he'd usually be rewarded with a swipe of claws across the forearm. Hakkai would tut Ryuu, but Ryuu would bump his head against Hakkai's palm and purr and be immediately forgiven, and then Hakkai would clean Gojyo's battle wounds. Ryuu seemed to know exactly what he was doing, glowering at him from over the edge of the sofa as Hakkai dabbed the blood from his arm.

Gojyo wanted to like the cat. The cat just plain didn't like him.

Even the night before the trip, Ryuu was sitting in Hakkai's suitcase and giving Gojyo the stinkeye as Hakkai stacked up pairs of pants and socks around him. “I know he can fuss at you, but thank you for agreeing to mind him.” Hakkai smiled at Gojyo over the suitcase, even as Ryuu batted one of the pairs of socks off of the bed.

“I'm happy to help, babe.” Gojyo shrugged, but kept a healthy distance from Ryuu even as the cat craned his neck back around towards him. “I mean, I see how you do for him. Half a cup of kibble in the morning and at night, spoonful of the wet food at night.”

“Yes.” Hakkai pulled a few shirts from his drawer. “Scoop the litter every day, and it'll need to be dumped and changed on Sunday.” He tucked the shirts into the suitcase, then turned back to his chest of drawers, frowning. “Hmm. And you should try to play with him.” He began to busy himself with something or other in the drawers. “He likes the feather duster, he'll chase it around. He clearly has a strong hunting instinct.”

“Yeah.” Gojyo set his hand on his hip, and Ryuu immediately crouched on his haunches, ready to pounce. “I noticed.”

Hakkai giggled, but didn't turn around. “Ah, and you can throw his jingly ball, and he'll chase it. Anything you can do to keep him at arm's length, I suppose. I do wish you two got along better.”

“Me too.” Gojyo turned his arm over and scowled at the most recent set of scratches, which were still weeping just a little. “But I guess the claw marks are getting more shallow.” He grinned and showed them off, and Hakkai merely sighed and shook his head.

"Perhaps you two can bond while I'm gone. I really would like you to get along." Hakkai turned and gestured to his chest of drawers. "Especially with how much you're around, which is why I've done this." Gojyo realized Hakkai was displaying an emptied drawer and a broad smile. "It's a bit silly for you to have to carry your things in an overnight bag when you're here six nights a week. Why don't you bring a few changes of clothes with you to keep here?"

Hakkai had made space for him. Even with his jerk cat hissing and spitting for him, it was reassuring that there was still room for him. "I don't got much, but I'll bring some stuff here." He circled the bed to stand next to Hakkai (staying well out of Ryuu's swat radius) and took both of his hands. "It feels like home more and more every time I come in and see you here waiting." He kissed across Hakkai's forehead, then smiled into his skin. His hair smelled good, sweet like sugar, rich with Hakkai's natural scent. "You want me to take you to the train station tomorrow? That way, you don't have to leave your car there, so it won't get damaged or stolen or nothing while you're away, and I can say goodbye to ya last thing before you go and be the first to see you when you're back."

Hakkai sank into his chest, his chin propped on Gojyo's shoulder. "Please."

Ryuu was swatting at Gojyo's pants pocket, his little claws tearing at the denim, face curdled up like a little goblin's. Gojyo held Hakkai tight and ignored him. The hum of Hakkai's heartbeat against his chest was so much more valuable than any ragged pair of jeans and more important than anything else in the universe at that moment.

Seeing Hakkai off at the train station was only a little heart-achy. They kissed on the platform, Hakkai pausing to tousle Gojyo's hair and rub his nose against his before breaking away and stepping onto the train to be welcomed with a few teasing jabs from Sharak. Gojyo watched the train leave, then returned to his car to get on with his day.

It was only four days, and Hakkai had promised to text him when he wasn't busy. That wouldn't be so bad. They'd had days when they were too busy to see each other, this was just like that.

The uncanny part kicked in when he got back to Hakkai's house and opened the door to find just Ryuu there in the dim living room, curled up on the couch. He lifted his head just to hiss at Gojyo, then settled back in the very middle of the cushion as Gojyo threw his jacket onto the banister. Gojyo sniffed to himself and made a face at the cat, then tried to sit on the far left of the couch. Ryuu yowled and clawed at him, and Gojyo jumped off the couch and moved to an empty chair. Ryuu's beady little eyes followed him as he sat and yanked his phone out to text Hakkai.

"Home sweet home. It's quiet without you." He sighed and settled in after hitting the send. Gojyo could still feel Ryuu staring him down, and though he found the TV remote and flipped the set on, the house was still too quiet.

Maybe there just wasn't enough in it. Usually, Hakkai would be flitting around the kitchen in his apron by now, or settled up reading a magazine or a cook book, and the house would smell like Heaven. Instead, Hakkai had made four lunches in sectioned Tupperware containers and three dinners for Gojyo to heat up for himself, complete with little post-it note instructions on how each one was best served. Gojyo had Hakkai's shadow here, but the lack of his substance was darkening Gojyo's mood.

Gojyo's phone chimed with a message, and Gojyo read: "You could always invite Goku and Sanzo over. I'm sure Goku would love to meet Ryuu. There's an after-dinner session, so I can't talk now, but I'll call before bedtime."

Then came another message, this one a photograph: Hakkai holding the phone at arm's length above him, his face and cuffs dusted with flour, looking down into a vat of bubbly-looking dough. Gojyo couldn't help but grin and turn his own phone towards himself. Ryuu jerked to attention at the first flash and crossed the sofa to take a closer look, but Gojyo didn't notice. Instead, he checked the photo and grimaced. He'd blinked. One more try. He held up the phone again, but when he checked his work, he saw that Ryuu had stuck his head in the frame, looking inquisitively at the camera lens. Gojyo turned and saw Ryuu blinking off the flash, looking a little dazed. Gojyo found himself grinning with all his teeth and sent the photograph right off to Hakkai with the message:

“Check it out, he actually willingly came within five feet of me without mauling my arm!”

He hopped up to his feet and headed for the kitchen, turning a few lights on and trying to decide which of the tasty things Hakkai had left for him. He could miss Hakkai all he wanted, but he'd lived most of his life in a world without Hakkai in it. He still had enough of Hakkai to keep things bright.

Soon enough, he had a bowl of stew, a bottle of beer, and a text sent out to Sanzo and Goku inviting them to come and hang. He made sure to scoop the litterbox and put Ryuu's food out once he put his bowl in the dishwasher, just as Goku sent a text to say he'd be over soon, and Sanzo followed up with an offer to drive. Hakkai had put snacks in the cabinet and sodas in the refrigerator, as if anticipating that Gojyo would invite company over, and Gojyo put out a bag of pretzels right as the doorbell rang.

Goku gawked around Hakkai's entryway, before hurriedly taking his shoes and jacket off. “Is there somewhere I can put this?”

“I'unno.” Gojyo shrugged, but Sanzo scoffed and took Goku's jacket.

“There's some hooks here. He probably always puts your jacket there without you noticing.” Sanzo shut the door to reveal a rack behind the door. Gojyo vaguely remembered finding his jacket there a few times after leaving his jacket wherever it fell, but it was so automatic he hardly noticed most of the time. Sanzo hung his scarf and coat up as well, but Goku had already bounded into the house to find Ryuu licking his forepaws.

“Kitty!” He squealed, then crouched down. Ryuu turned to him curiously, and Goku quickly composed himself with a deep breath, then deliberately looked away from Ryuu, towards one of his catnip toys on the ground. Ryuu followed Goku's sightline, then stalked towards the toy and batted it towards him. Goku pretended not to notice, but flapped the hand nearest the toy, sending it skittering into the kitchen. Ryuu chased it, and Goku watched him run off, smirking to himself. Gojyo gawked from the entryway.

“How'd he do that?”

Gojyo expected a snarky response, something like “takes an animal to know one,” but Sanzo said nothing. Gojyo pivoted to see that he was backed into the corner nearest the door. “Uh, you okay?”

“Where is it?” Sanzo's eyes narrowed, and Gojyo found himself smirking.

“You mean Hakkai's kitty? Goku just sent him into the kitchen.”

Sanzo made a strange face, and muttered, “Fine. Maybe it'll stay in there.” He hurried to the sofa and sat, looking over his shoulder all the while, and Gojyo grinned with all of his teeth.

“Are you scared of the kit-kat?” Sanzo scoffed and put a bag he'd been carrying on the coffee table, but Goku looked up from observing Ryuu.

“You didn't tell me you were scared of cats!”

“I'm not.” Sanzo pulled a face. “I don't like them.” Then, he motioned to Gojyo. “Besides, I'm surprised you're not avoiding it like the plague. Don't think I haven't seen your scratches.”

Gojyo sniffed and scratched at the healing wounds on his arm, then flopped onto the chair opposite Sanzo. “It's a ten-pound half-naked gremlin. What's to be scared of?”

Sanzo 'hmph'ed and crossed his arm. “I'm not.”

“Yeah, well.” Goku trotted to sit next to Sanzo on the sofa. “He seems nice! Shy, but nice!” Goku put an arm up over the sofa onto Sanzo's shoulder, and Sanzo gave him a sideways look but settled into it. “So, you brought the mah jongg set?”

“I did.” Sanzo took a wooden box out of the bag, then held it out to Gojyo so he could see. “One of my dads' sets. They can only play one of them at a time, they won't notice it missing. You interested in learning a party game?”

“I'm game.” Gojyo shrugged his shoulders back. “Does Hakkai play?”

“He did, when he was closer to my family. Usually he'd play on a team with his sister when he played with my fathers and me.” He opened the box and poured out the tiles. “It's best played with four, but if you learn, then Hakkai can play on a team with you, Goku can be on my team, and maybe one of us will stand a chance against Koumyou.”

“I think there's gambling, too!” Goku sat forward on the sofa and pushed some of the tiles back towards the center pile. “Like, money. But they were just playing for scores.”

“Sounds complicated.”

“It is!” Goku grinned. “But it's fun, and once you learn the rules, it's sort of a luck and strategy thing.”

“Koumyou and Toudai have been playing likely since before your parents were born, and competitively since I was a teenager.” Sanzo began to mix the tiles around with his hand. “If they invite you two over for dinner, they'll likely ask you to play after dinner, and they'll likely whoop your ass, but if I start teaching you now, maybe you'll save a scrap of dignity.”

“Thanks.” Gojyo rolled his eyes, but sat forward. “Okay, what's the game?”

Sanzo dealt out the tiles and built up the walls, including an empty fourth slot next to his own. As Sanzo explained, “I'll play for two so you can see how it works with four.”

“Yeah,” Goku snickered, “And pass yourself the best tiles.”

Sanzo's cheeks went crimson. "I can demonstrate higher play for you that way."

"Ohh, so beating two novices is your idea of a good time? Maybe you could beat somethin' else." Gojyo made a jerking-off motion as he sat forward, and Goku laughed. Sanzo shot Gojyo a venomous look.

"Do you wanna learn or not?"

Gojyo smirked and picked up the tiles nearest him. "Sure, why not?" He held the tile up. "So, what's all this mean?"

Sanzo, displaying a surprising amount of patience, reviewed the different tile markings with Gojyo so he could tell the scores, then demonstrated how to build the walls and play a round. Gojyo tried to go with the flow, despite being a little lost, but Goku and Sanzo both peeked around to his tiles a few times to help him along. At the end, he had the fewest points, but he kind of got the game. However, it was when they mixed the tiles again that Gojyo noticed Ryuu's tail flicking next to Goku.

"He's back." Gojyo pointed, and Sanzo inhaled sharply. Goku glanced to his side without turning his head, and nodded.

"He's sniffin' my feet. I can feel him."

Sanzo scooted three feet back from the coffee table, knocking the sofa back when his back his the cushion. "Get it away!"

"He's all the way down here." Goku chuckled and pointed straight down under the table. Gojyo felt something brush against his leg and stiffened, as if Ryuu might forget he was there, or maybe just not think not to strike a still target. Ryuu did pass him by, and popped up on the other side of the table where Sanzo had maintained the second spot. He surveyed the table, beady little eyes traveling the tiles, then he reached a paw out and swatted one of the tiles into the discard pile. Then, he grabbed one of the tiles and pulled it closer to the row. Gojyo grabbed his phone and snapped a photo as Ryuu put the tile next to the others and surveyed his work. Sanzo overcame his tension to lean closer, and shook his head.

“The cat just got Riichi.”

“Is that good?” Gojyo typed a message to Hakkai, already grinning. Ryuu chose that moment to knock the entire row of tiles off of the table with one imperious swipe of his paw, then chased one of the tiles off as it skittered towards the entryway. Sanzo grimaced.

“It would have been, yes. Now go find the tiles or Toudai will lose his shit.”

Gojyo laughed and sent his message, then went hunting for the tiles and avoiding Ryuu's scraping claws as he crawled the floor. The night continued pleasantly, and Gojyo found himself missing Hakkai just a little less.

Hakkai had never thought he'd tire of the smell of bread, but he was coming to anticipate it. Every lecture was held in the bakery's work room, and the room reeked of the sweet yeast and starch scent of fresh bread. He knew Gojyo liked the smell of pastry coming off of him, but Hakkai didn't especially care for the faint scent of fermentation in his skin and hair. Sharak minded less, but she swore she couldn't sleep smelling like work.

That was why she jumped in the shower first, and he waited, resting on one of the two double beds in their modest little motel with the scent of bread wafting through his nose. Sanzo had emailed him the daily numbers, but though he responsibly reviewed the sales and stock information first, he was much more excited for the messages he had waiting from Gojyo. Sharak emerged from the shower with a contented sigh, her hair and nothing else covered by a towel, just as he went to open them. "It's yours, if you want it."

"Mm." Hakkai averted his eyes as Sharak retrieved a set of clean underwear from her suitcase and dressed. "I'll shower in the morning, if it's the same to you."

"Do as you like." Sharak tugged a tee on and dropped back onto her bed with a groan. "How do you do this 'awake day, asleep night' thing?"

"My, my, you're too used to your schedule, are you?" Hakkai laughed through his nose and sat up. "I tend to sleep early in the evening as it is. Poor Gojyo, he's usually up a little later, but now that he stays overnights, he'll sit in bed with me and fiddle on his phone or the like. I think I heard him take a picture of me once."

"Oh, because you're cute sleeping?" Sharak smirked, and Hakkai laughed airily.

"Likely it's because I sleep with my eyes open, and he wanted to verify that he wasn't dreaming it in the morning."

Sharak craned her neck around. "Really?"

Hakkai laughed again, a careless "Ahaha," then winked. "I suppose you'll find out." He set his phone down and faced her. "Was Hassan upset or jealous that we'd be sharing a room?"

"Hmph." Sharak sniffed. "If he was, he kept it to himself. If he doesn't like the way things are, he knows where the door is. He didn't say anything to that effect, though, so I think he understands. Besides, you're not my type."

"Ahh." Hakkai didn't quite understand their relationship himself. Sharak said they were second cousins once removed (if his understanding of the family tree was correct), but he also knew that some didn't mind consanguinity, especially since he knew Sharak never planned on motherhood. However, Sharak had made clear (laughing at Hakkai when he'd asked) that she had no intention of marrying Hassan, either, though she also had no intention of being with anyone else. It was more like she'd picked him up, imperiously declared 'I want this one,' and did as she pleased with him. Hassan seemed completely okay with their arrangement, even though Sharak was obviously less than affectionate. "I only ask because I think Gojyo was a bit jealous."

Sharak snickered. "Oh, is he jealous? He's got a lot to worry about. After all, you could have your pick of men or women--"

"You know very well I'm nothing like that." Hakkai folded his arms and shifted on his hipbones, but Sharak clicked her tongue.

"I do, yes, but even knowing doesn't help some. Aren't you ever jealous for him? You romantics are all like that." She smirked to herself, as Hakkai's face took heat. "He is very handsome."

"Very much so, yes. And he's had previous partners, too. How scandalous." Hakkai's kept his affect flat, as Sharak twisted all the way around to face him, and he cast a sideways glance her direction. "I met one of his previous partners. Awful sort of man. I have no reason to envy him, or anyone else Gojyo knew before he met me. I don't think any of them truly appreciated him."

Sharak raised an eyebrow and turned onto her belly, her chin pillowed on her forearms, kicking her legs behind her. "Truly appreciated? What does that mean?"

"They didn't see him for his true worth." Hakkai couldn't quite look at her as her heels swung back and forth over her spine. "I doubt that Banri fellow knew his caring side. How he strives to cheer me up if I'm low. How determined he can be. He likely never saw past a nice face and body. I'd like to think I have." He paused and swallowed. "But even then, I wonder."

"Hmm?" Sharak tented her hands and put her chin on the backs of her palms. "What's that?"

"Do you think... perhaps I'm missing something? He seems to have something seedy behind him, but he doesn't talk about it. What if..." Hakkai struggled with the words, then swallowed them and forced a smile in their place. "You shouldn't worry about it."

Sharak sat up again. "Kouryuu told me a bit about the last one."

"Which is why, when I allowed you to play matchmaker, you set me up with men like him."

This made Sharak pause and scowl. "They were all honorable."

"I'm certain they were." Hakkai sighed and rubbed the back of his head. "But anything I tried to do with them was just... rote. Going through the motions. I couldn't stand it."

"I know, I know, but listen: nobody can be like that Nii fellow." Sharak leveled a harsh stare at him. "He's a horse of a different color entirely. As a friend, I urge you: enjoy what you have. The two of you make a good couple, even if he's nothing like you."

"Yes, I know." Hakkai drew his legs in and fidgeted with the hem of his pajama pants. "He's so very good; he's absolutely nothing like me. I admit, it irks me that I still doubt him because he is so good."

Sharak frowned and leaned in. “Listen.” She skated her fingers across the futon and jumped her palm to pat the bedspread next to Hakkai's thigh. “You're unsure. But you're also young and learning. I know my experiences are different from yours, but trust me when I say honesty and open communication work things out if they're meant to work out.” She shrugged. “Or help you to know that they aren't meant to work out.” Hakkai's face fell. "It's true. Just keep talking to him, about important things, about silly things, everything. You'll overcome this if your relationship really is right."

Hakkai's phone went off just then, and he checked it. Gojyo had sent a photograph of Ryuu swatting at a familiar set of Mah Jongg tiles with the caption, “I taught him to play Mah Jongg!” He laughed and turned the screen so she could see, and she stifled a giggle.

“Oh stars, what a sweet little fool.”

“He's something, isn't he?” Hakkai saved the photograph, then sent a text to Gojyo asking who got the high score, still smiling helplessly.

For every moment of doubt, there was a reassurance. Like the smell of fresh bread on his sleeves every morning, was it perhaps too good to be true, or just too much of a good thing?

Gojyo wasn't obnoxious about texting Hakkai, or at least he hoped he wasn't. 'Good morning,' 'how's the day going so far?' and other things like that, always waiting for a response. Hakkai did respond, even if Gojyo had to wait. It didn't bother Gojyo, not one bit.

He knew that evenings were the trouble, because he wasn't used to sitting alone in someone else's house, especially not with a cat that hated his guts. Ryuu always glared at him with narrowed eyes and ears flattened back against his skull, even taking swipes at him while he was scooping out the litterbox or opening a can of tuna for him. Gojyo made an effort: he tried to do what Goku did and pretended not to be interested in him, offhandedly sending toys his direction or picking up one of the feathered rods and dangling it over his head without looking at him, but it didn't work. Goku did have more suggestions when he came to visit the next night, or at least one good tool:

"It's a laser light! I watch cats on YouTube go nuts for these things!" Goku handed the laser pointer to Gojyo. Gojyo pointed the laser first at Ryuu's feet, then moved it across the floor to the wall. Ryuu's ears perked, and he swatted the light when it was close, then chased it and jumped up the wall to try to snatch it. Goku made a noise of pure glee, and Gojyo grabbed his phone out.

"Holy shit, holy shit, film it, we gotta show Hakkai!"

Off went the video of Ryuu learning to hunt fairies, but even things that made handling Ryuu easier wouldn't mean that he wasn't alone in a quiet room with nothing but himself and the television. After three weeks spending most nights with Hakkai, he realized just how hollow those nights were. Luckily, once Ryuu tired of chasing the laser, Goku had a solution for Gojyo's boredom:

"Hey, so, I was gonna go over to the inside basketball court at the Y and play some pickup hoops with a few of my college buddies. You know how to play?" He grinned mischievously. "Even if you don't, we're not really good, but we'll teach ya! You wanna come?"

That sounded way better than sitting home alone watching the tube. "Hell yeah!" He shooed Ryuu back and grabbed his keys and coat. “I'll drive, let's roll.”

Goku's friends were all boys around his age, from what Gojyo could tell of the group milling around the brightly-lit inside court. None of them looked at him twice, though a few waved to and hailed Goku as he came in. Goku greeted them in return, but darted over to a scrawny, light-haired boy sitting on the bleachers with a book open in his lap. "Gojyo, this's Nataku! He's my roommate!" Nataku didn't lift his head, even when Goku tweaked his ear. "Nataku, this's Gojyo, my boss and friend."

This got Nataku to look up. He took Gojyo in with an impassive expression, then turned to Goku. "You're sure it's wise to be friends with your boss?"

"Yeah, he's nice!" Goku nudged Gojyo's rib with his elbow and got on tiptoes to wave a hand over Gojyo's head. “Plus, he's way tall!” Gojyo rolled his eyes, but let Goku reach for the stars.

“Ah.” Nataku stood and measured himself next to Gojyo. “So he is. He's on our team.”

Nataku was quiet on the bleachers, rarely spoke above a murmur, but when the teams split into fives and a few relievers, he was ruthless. Gojyo knew just enough about basketball to keep up – he'd played in school. He was nothing next to Nataku. Nataku was swift, he had impeccable aim, he was small and lithe enough to weave in and out of the other players, and his instincts were fantastic. However, when the round was over and he was rotated out, he sat right back down on the bleacher, opened his book, and returned to reading. Gojyo, panting and sweating (and a little embarrassed at scoring only four baskets compared to Nataku's however-the-fuck-many, he lost count) stumbled to sit near him and Goku, smearing sweat off of his brow.

“You're way good.”

“Mm.” Nataku didn't seem to have heard him, engrossed in his book. Goku, dripping sweat down his arms and in dark spots on his tee, nudged Nataku's leg with the back of his hand.

“Hey, you got another fan.”

This got a smile out of him. Goku twisted back around to Gojyo. “He's quiet, but he's super cool. Kinda like the exact opposite of you!”

Gojyo brought his elbow down on Goku's head. “Watch your ass, kid, I sign your paychecks.”

Nataku chuckled and intoned a sing-song, “Told you,” to Goku, and Gojyo laughed hard.

After a few more rounds, with guys switching in and out as they came and left, Gojyo thought he recognized one of the boys on the bleachers. He was sure of it when he took another break and the guy smiled and waved at him. Goku, who'd followed Gojyo off the court, sparked with recognition. "Oh, hey, don't I see you at Hakkai's a lot? Mille-Feuille and Flowers?"

The younger man blinked, and Gojyo caught his gaze flashing over to him. Then, he put on a big, catlike grin. "Oh, I recognize y'all! Aren't you friends of the owner?"

"Yeah," Gojyo answered, as memory caught up with him. "Uh, and weren't you at that restaurant that one time?"

"Golly, I'm surprised you remember that little ol' shindig!" He laughed, then wiggled his fingers in a coy wave. "Hazel Grouse, if you please."

Nataku glanced up, eyes narrowed as he took Hazel in. “He's in the same math class as me. I didn’t invite him, though.”

"Golly," Goku repeated, grinning, then nudged his elbow into Gojyo's ribs. "'Zat the fistfight you guys got in?"

"That was once." Gojyo dropped onto the bench, faintly realizing just how out of breath he was. Hazel was still eying him, and Gojyo remembered a little more: Hakkai had said he was an activist of some sort. Hazel was probably drinking him in for the specimen he was. He studied Hazel for a moment, and decided it wasn't worth showing off. Kid was scrawny, and that accent would have gotten on his nerves fast. "You're a regular at Hakkai's?"

"Best croissants in town. Y'know, I've put requests for beignets in that suggestion box o'his so many times, I'm all but certain it all goes right into the circular file!" He winked at Gojyo. "Would you kindly feed that one into his ear? I got a feeling he listens to you."

Gojyo wanted to be flattered, except Hazel was actually making him a little uneasy. "Sure, I'll, uh, pass it on."

"Aw, he can't. Hakkai's out of town." Goku scrunched his nose, his tongue tangling in his mouth. "But what's a ben... ben-yay?"

"Beignet. It's a kind of donut.” Hazel brushed Goku's question off and turned his full attention to Gojyo. “Is he out o' town?" He raised an eyebrow. "Ain't that a shame."

"Well, yeah, but he'll be back." Gojyo grabbed his phone out. "Thanks for reminding me. I'm gonna show him what I'm up to." He twisted around on the bench and took a photo of himself at the court, then sent it to Hakkai with a message saying that Goku took him out to play. Goku snickered as he did so, but Hazel merely sighed.

"I do recall thinkin' the two of you were a cute little item. It's nice y'all are still together. When's he get back?"

"Tuesday night." Gojyo put his phone away and turned back to Hazel. He couldn't help but feel like Hazel was looking him over for more than just his ruggedly handsome good looks or muscular back. "So, uh, how do you know Hakkai?"

"Tol'ja, I go to his shop all the time."

"Jeez." Goku scrunched his nose. "Hakkai gives me a discount on my coffee and Sanzo keeps comping my muffins and pretending I don't notice, and I still can't afford it all the time. Do you work, or is it just the activism stuff?"

"How could I work with a twenty-two credit courseload?" Hazel laughed, flapping a hand, but it was false and hollow, and he looked uncomfortable when he spoke again, not lifting his face. "No, I got a little trust from my daddy and student loans. I only get so much per month, but if I'm careful, I can manage it. 'Sides, I don't usually get more than a coffee." Goku scowled and shifted into a sulk, until Nataku nudged his knee.

"C'mon, let's get back in for another round or two. Playing here's free." Nataku put his book down and launched himself off the bleacher, and Goku, throwing one last scowl at Nataku, quickly followed. Gojyo started to do the same, then nodded to Hazel.

"I'll let Hakkai know his regulars miss him." He managed what he hoped was a polite, conversational grin, and returned to the game.

Gojyo missed Hakkai too, but running around with the kids, having fun, working up his smoker's cough, and just doing something with himself made it a lot easier. Hazel's continued leering did not.

After a grueling, exhausting day of lectures and practicing kneading techniques, Hakkai had a cup of strong tea with dinner to make certain he'd have the energy to call Gojyo. Sharak made herself scarce, taking Sanzo's gold card to the hotel bar with the fingers-crossed attitude of “What he doesn't know won't hurt me,” and Hakkai settled down next to the window with the phone. Just as he called, he got another text message from Gojyo, with a photograph attached: Ryuu chasing a toy, tail up, and the caption from Gojyo, “We get along much better when he's moving away from me.”

Hakkai laughed to himself, then dialed Gojyo up. Gojyo had texted him frequently, though not annoyingly so, with little updates about Ryuu and what he was up to. He couldn't help but delight in the video Goku had sent him of Gojyo playing basketball with some of Goku's college friends, because though Gojyo had his hands on his knees and was wheezing between plays, he looked like he was having a good time. He wanted to hear more of it from Gojyo himself, that rich, warm voice light years better than images and text on a screen.

Gojyo picked up, answering with that warm affection that Hakkai found himself craving, “Hey, babe, how's San Fran treating you?”

Hakkai answered with a contented little chuckle. “It's a lovely city; if only I were here for pleasure. It's been fine, but I've spent most of the trip inside of a bakery.”

“Ah, well.” Hakkai heard a chair creak, Gojyo settling in on his end. “It was a business trip, after all. I'm just sorry you couldn't do any sightseeing at all.”

“We did a little,” Hakkai admitted. “We took a streetcar tour this afternoon, just seeing some of the famous sights. We actually drove down the curviest road in the world! It was actually a little frightening, winding around and around down the hill hanging off the side of the carriage...”

Gojyo listened contently as Hakkai talked about the little bit of fun he had, and about the seminars, but Hakkai was happy to hear him breathing, the little incidental noises he made, his encouragements to go on, tell him more, tell him everything. “But what about you?” Hakkai sat forward, just as he heard Gojyo hiss and mutter something off of the receiver. “Gojyo?”

“Ah, sorry, I left my feet where Ryuu could get to them.” Gojyo muttered a few swears under his breath. “Damn it, hang on.” Hakkai heard Gojyo put the phone down, then the sink running somewhere away from the phone. Hakkai pursed his lips, shaking his head, until Gojyo returned to the phone with a sigh. “He clawed my ankle. My foot was wiggling, I guess he thought it was one of his toys. Or me.” Gojyo forced a self-deprecating laugh. “He still don't like me much.”

“I know you're trying.” Hakkai clicked his tongue. “You sent me all those pictures of you playing with him.”

“Oh, yeah. I throw his little mice around, I dangle his toys, he chased that laser for an hour while I was watching the game. He actually kind of likes Goku now, until he doesn't, I mean, he sat with Goku for a while and then he scratched him and ran off, and then Sanzo yelled at him, and so the cat shredded his scarf.” Gojyo snickered. “Did you know Sanzo was scared of cats? I think he got over that, now he's just pissed.”

“Is he, now?” Hakkai laughed. “Considering how I always found his personality rather catlike, perhaps it's true that if you met someone just like you, you'd dislike them!” Gojyo laughed, thick and rich like the froth off of a mug of cocoa, and Hakkai's chest flooded with warmth. “But goodness. Tell me about everything else. How was your day?”

Gojyo did. He had found the family-size meal Hakkai had left (hoping Gojyo could keep himself company) and invited Sanzo and Goku over again, and they'd watched a hockey game then played cards. Gojyo briefly mentioned a weird kid who'd been looking him over while he'd been playing basketball the night before: “Like, I get it, I'm hot, and I can appreciate a kid not knowing how to be subtle, but at least try to pretend you're not staring, right?”

"My, my, perhaps if you'd told him as much, he would have stopped."

"Guess so." Gojyo sniffed, sounding unimpressed. "He wasn't my type anyway. I'm picky about guys. Right now, it's basically just brunet guys who cook like nobody's business and talk so sweet I get cavities." Gojyo chuckled into the receiver in that intimate way of his, and Hakkai flushed.

"I like the sound of your voice too, but really,  I can't wait to see you again."

"Me neither. What time's your train get in?"

"Six. Sharak is taking a later train so she can take the starter dough straight to the bakery as quickly as possible, but if you pick me up in a timely manner, perhaps we can get a nice dinner before we go home." He laughed to himself. "As much as I miss home cooked food, I'll be exhausted from traveling."

"Say no more. I'll be there." Gojyo heaved a deep, weighty sigh, exuding obvious relief at the very thought. “I miss you way more than I miss your cooking.”

“Oh, Gojyo.” Hakkai cradled the phone.

“I'm serious. Even with the others around, I keep missing the sound of your laugh.” Gojyo paused, gathering himself. “There ain't nothin' that makes me happier than just sittin' near ya.”

Hakkai inhaled, pulling that wistful sensation of desiring someone's presence in through his lungs and letting it sit, warm in his chest. “I know what you mean precisely.”

“Truth be told, it's actually makin' me be sort of okay with your cat, a little. 'Cause I look at him and remember you like him, and that's why I should like him.” Gojyo paused, and Hakkai could hear him fidgeting a little. “Eh, I'm rambling. Sorry, babe.”

“I don't mind.” Hakkai glanced to the clock on the table between the beds, and realized that time, too, had rambled on without him noticing. Poor Sharak was likely swimming in ouzo by now, though she likely wouldn't mind, Sanzo would. “I should apologize; I must go. It's gotten late, and we've got an early morning.”

“Yeah? Yeah, I oughta get ready for bed, too. But I'll check in with you tomorrow, and I'll see you tomorrow night.” Gojyo blew a kiss into the phone, and there was a second of hesitation, dead air. “Sleep well.”

“You too.” Hakkai hung up, and heaved one last sigh. He somehow felt no less lonely after the conversation. He wanted to sink back into the ease of their repartee, because he felt so whole there. All he could feel now was Gojyo's absence and that blank space in his words. He wondered what should have gone there, if maybe that would fill the space. He rose wearily, musing, as he went to fetch Sharak, of what could have filled that space.

If that could have made him feel complete without Gojyo at his side.

It was a cloudy evening that reeked of frost, and the sky looked far too high. Gojyo didn't relish a cold, snowy evening. “Just hold over 'til I get Hakkai home,” he muttered as he took in the distant horizon around the trees in Hakkai's yard, and opened the door.

He was greeted with a hiss and a swipe at his denims. Gojyo hardly had time to swear and jump back before Ryuu skittered off and jumped onto the sofa. “You fucking asshole!” He groaned and shut the door behind him, then rolled his pants up. Luckily, Ryuu hadn't broken the skin this time, but Gojyo still turned a sour glare at Ryuu. “You make it real hard to like you.”

Ryuu didn't respond – he was, after all, a cat – but instead narrowed his eyes and raised his hackles, his bony tail swishing left and right over the arm of the sofa. Gojyo huffed his disgust and snatched up one of Ryuu's little catnip mice and pitched it over to the kitchen. “Fuckin' jerk-ass cat, I feed you and shit and you still hate me? Little fuckin' asshole!” Ryuu chased his toy as if he hadn't heard Gojyo – again, cat, doesn't speak English – and Gojyo gave up his anger with a groan. No point.

Still, Hakkai would be home soon, and he'd have Hakkai to comfort him after one of Ryuu's attacks. Gojyo cast an eye around the room, faintly taking in how different it felt without him. Darker, even with the lights on. Was it that the pillows on the sofa weren't just the way Hakkai kept them? The throw blanket was out of place. The table was dirty, littered with crumbs and streaked with grease. Gojyo faintly realized he'd instinctively thrown his jacket over the chair instead of on the hook Sanzo had pointed out to him. Hakkai probably did all sorts of little things habitually to keep his home so bright and clean, so welcoming. Now Hakkai was going to come in and see a mess. “He's gone for four days, and this place starts looking more like my goddamn sty.” Gojyo scratched his head. He had time. Might as well try to make the place presentable.

Maybe there was just something indelible, indescribable about having Hakkai in his life. Gojyo couldn't even place what it was that Hakkai did for him that he so needed. He just knew, now, more than ever, he had to have him there. Gojyo couldn't help but relive their conversation from last night as he wiped down the table and ran the vacuum around the carpet. Specifically, the end.

“I love you. Sleep well.” He'd been so close to nutting up and just saying it. It was on the tip of his tongue, and it would have come naturally, and it would have been out there. Maybe Hakkai would have said it back. But he'd pussed out and swallowed it, because that thought rushed back to him: what if now's not the right time? Gojyo couldn't remember the last time he'd said those words to someone he'd been really in love with, or even if he ever had felt that strongly. Jien, sure, but that was his big brother, of course he loved his family. Hakkai was a different kind of love. That was something special.

He wanted to look into Hakkai's eyes when he said it. Yeah, that was it. Besides, he thought, as he caught sight of Ryuu tearing across the living room floor to evade the vacuum, he'd left a little reminder of how he felt about Hakkai in the house.

“Hey, cat.” Gojyo turned off the vacuum, as Ryuu peered around the banister and glared at the suddenly-silenced machine. “I helped Hakkai get you because I love him. You know that, right?” His gaze caught on the little tag around Ryuu's neck, which he'd slipped onto the collar before giving it to Hakkai to put on Ryuu. Hakkai hadn't looked at it twice, far too enamored of his kitty friend to cease talking to him and flattering him. He wondered if Hakkai would ever notice it and be surprised.

No point in worrying about that now. Right now, all Gojyo could think about was Hakkai, his Hakkai, cuddled up against a train window with a book on his way back to him, about bringing him home and really lighting his life up again. This house wouldn't feel like home until Hakkai was back in it, and Gojyo was there with him.

The house looked marginally more presentable by the time Gojyo was ready to leave for the train station. Ryuu sat on the stairs as Gojyo grabbed his jacket and went for the door. He turned back to Ryuu one more time. “Right, kit-kat, I'm gonna go get your real dad. Stay here and try not to mess anything up, right?”

He threw the door open and jogged for his car...

and stopped cold.

Because his shitbox Nissan was on the ground and his tires were flat, with huge, jagged gash piercing through the rubber. Gaping like someone had punched a hole through him and feeling very much the same, he circled his car slowly and found all four tires slashed. His car was was a brick, and someone might as well have hit him in the face with it from ten-thousand feet for all he knew what to do now.

He grabbed his phone out as sense started to come back to him. Hakkai was the important thing here.

Hakkai picked up the phone as Gojyo continued to stare at his worthless tires, tugging at the loose flap of rubber to see through to the smashed bottom. Hakkai's cheerful tenor sounded so completely alien: “Hello, there! Are you on your way?”

Gojyo struggled for a minute, straining to reconcile that voice with the sight before him, then finally muttered, “Uh. Hey. Uh.” Smooth. “So, this is gonna be a stupid question, but do you have a spare car key?”

Hakkai didn't respond for a moment, obviously puzzling over why Gojyo might be asking. “Er. Sanzo has it. Is something wrong with your--”

“Someone cut my tires open. All four of them. My car's dead in the water, babe, I'm--”

“Oh, Gojyo!” Hakkai gasped. “Who would do such a thing?”

“I dunno! Maybe a crazy ex of mine, shit, but it's been years since I saw someone else regular, how would they know I was here?” Gojyo groaned and finally sank from a crouch to his backside. Hakkai didn't say anything for a second. “I dunno. I'm just – shit, I wanted to--”

“Gojyo, Gojyo, calm down. Call the police, then call a tow truck. Get your car to a shop and make a report. I'll call Sanzo for a ride home.” Gojyo couldn't fathom how Hakkai could clear his head that quickly, even though he still sounded distressed. Gojyo felt his shock starting to break down into a nasty mix of anger and self-loathing. Anger this had happened, and that he couldn't do anything to fix it. He'd failed, and it wasn't even his fault.

“I... I guess...” He folded his arms tight around himself, sinking down onto his ankles and pulling his knees in. “Ha... Hakkai? Could you stay on the line with me a little?”

Hakkai's answer was wrought and tense: “No, you need to call the police, and now. I have to let you off the line, and I have to call Sanzo.” Gojyo gripped the phone tight, not wanting to let go. Snow started to drift down around him, catching in his hair and melting on his jacket, but Gojyo was only faintly aware of Hakkai's voice, ever more distant in the quiet. “I'll see you soon, okay? Don't panic. Call the police.”

“Yeah,” Gojyo rasped. “See you soon.” Hakkai hung up, and Gojyo lifted himself to his feet and dragged himself back to Hakkai's door. He was cold, and the snow was starting to get his hair wet. He slowly dialed the emergency number, waiting while it rang, and sank to sit inside the front door, still staring at his car.

“Hello? 911? I'd, uh, like to report a crime. Someone slashed the tires on my car.” He cringed – the more he repeated it, the more it sucked. He'd have to pay for the tow – he had a tow truck, but usually if someone needed emergency service they were calling him, and he had no way of getting to his damn truck right now. If Gat was there, maybe he could come, but that was a coin toss right now. He could do the tires himself, but he'd still have to pay for them. This was gonna be a massive hit to his wallet, and that was just further injury on top of the gaping wound of failing Hakkai.

The operator asked him to stay on the line, and Gojyo groaned and let his face fall. He felt bitterly cold, and the darkness that sat in this lonely little home crept behind him. Then, there was a noise behind him, and Gojyo felt Ryuu pawing at his jacket. “Not now, cat,” he muttered, but Ryuu slunk up under his arm and tipped his head back and looked up at him. Gojyo didn't have the energy to glare and shoo him off, but Ryuu wasn't trying to claw his face this time. Instead, Ryuu rubbed the back of his head against Gojyo's elbow, emitting a curious noise, a trill that he only made when Hakkai was rubbing his little mohawk. That was a nice noise. Ryuu wound around his arm a few times, petting himself against Gojyo's arm, then crept up into his lap and settled there: kneading his paws on Gojyo's thigh, but his claws were firmly tucked in. Gojyo wasn't sure what else to do but to keep his phone at his ear with one hand and gently stroke Ryuu's back with the other.

The cat was trying to make him feel better. There was no other explanation, but Gojyo didn't want an explanation. He wanted Hakkai to wrap an arm around his shoulder and tell him things were alright. If this was the best he was going to get, then he'd take it.

Hakkai stepped off the train onto the snow-covered platform, duffel held tight to his side and his phone at his ear. “I'm sorry about this. I honestly can't believe this is happening either.”

“Whatever, it can't be helped. I'll be there in twenty.” Sanzo grunted, and Hakkai heard the rustle of his clothes as he tugged his jacket on. “You said he thought it was one of his exes?”

“I've only met the one, and he's certainly the kind of person who'd do that, but he said he didn't know.” Hakkai sighed and stepped down, shaking his head. “I don't know how much the police can do, but he should at least make a report.”

“Yeah, he ought'a. Fine. I'll be there soon.” Sanzo hung up, and Hakkai put his phone down and looked out at the street with another sigh. The snow was coming down harder and harder now, which Hakkai knew was befouling his mood. He was sure he wasn't alone in it, either. Poor Gojyo, he'd sounded so desperate. He tried to dial Gojyo back, but the line was busy. Hopefully he was making a police report, and they'd find fingerprints or something on the vehicle and tie this back to that awful Banri fellow. Jealous of Gojyo's happiness, perhaps, or just wanting him unhappy. Gojyo didn't deserve that. Hakkai tried to think of something he could do to lift Gojyo's mood, but the gray weather dampened his mind as much as his own mood.

At least he'd have time to figure something out while he waited. He tried to remember Koumyou's little tips and tricks for centering himself, breathing deep and slow, closing his eyes tight. Just for a moment, just to find white space in his mind, and yet...

"Oh, Hakkai. Fancy meeting you here."

Darkness encroached. Nii was at the bottom of the steps, a bag in hand, his hair damp with flecks of snow, and a serene smile on. Hakkai tensed up, but Nii stepped up towards him. “It's almost like Fate keeps us passing back and forth in front of each other.”

“Why are you here?” Hakkai's eyes narrowed to slits, and he balled his fists tight at his sides. Nii chuckled as he ascended the stairs and stopped close to him, too close.

“I'm visiting a friend out of town. Funny, that we just happened to cross paths coming and going.” Nii wiggled an eyebrow, then leaned inquisitively towards Hakkai. “What are you doing here?”

“Leaving.” Hakkai broke eye contact and crossed his arms tight, squeezing his duffel in his arms and digging his heels into the snow. Nii hummed and pointedly looked around.

“Getting a ride? I don't see that cute little car of yours.” Hakkai didn't answer him. Nii hummed again and stood elbow to elbow with him. “Your new boyfriend, maybe? What was his name – Joe?”

“I have nothing to say to you.” Hakkai tried to bite it back. Nii studied his face, and finally shook his head.

“I've tried, y'know. I really have. I've given you your space and I've been nothing but nice to you since you broke it off with me.”

Hakkai tried to bite back a retort, but failed: “You're good at pretending to be nice. But you're not.”

Nii laughed. “You used to like that I wasn't especially nice. And you're wrong. I don't bother pretending when it's important enough.” He slid a smirk towards Hakkai. “I was exactly as nice as you wanted me to be.”

“And that was fine then, but I found the flaws in that, and now I can't stand the thought of you. I've made clear, I want you to leave me alone.”

“Hmm.” Nii continued to study Hakkai, not moving even a step further, as Hakkai tried harder to draw away. He debated calling the police in his mind, but what could they do? Even if he ran, where could he go that Nii wouldn't follow? Nii clearly had no interest in doing as he wished, not today. “Why don't you want to at least talk to me? I feel like you ended things so roughly, there wasn't closure. Do you ever wonder if maybe we could have weathered that storm?”

“No. I don't.” Hakkai kept his words clipped, staccato. He thought of Kanan, her smile, and the reason he would never see it again.

“Look at me.” Nii ran his fingers down Hakkai's wrist. Hakkai jerked his hand away and refused to turn his head, focusing on the snow where it gathered on the empty bench. “Are you really happy with someone who just matches you, who never challenges you?”

“You know nothing about what makes me happy.”

“I think our three years together proves otherwise.” Nii pursed his lips, his smirk sinking away, and he slid his hand up to cup Hakkai's palm. “Hakkai, I want you to remember that I did everything I did in our relationship because I thought it would be best for you. I thought it was what you wanted. I'm sorry you weren't happy.” Hakkai felt an ache run through him, as Nii disengaged and stepped back. “I've got a train to catch, but I can try to delay it if you'd like me to give you a ride home, and get you out of this cold.”

“No. I'm fine. Goodbye.” Hakkai kept his face low, and Nii shrugged.

“Suit yourself. It's been nice talking.” Hakkai didn't turn and watch as Nii sauntered up the steps towards the platform, the snowflakes sitting on his shoulders flurrying off of him in his wake. If he had, he might have caught Nii turning back, giving him one more long once-over, then continuing on his way. Hakkai tried to close his eyes to the darkening afternoon, the overcast gray sky being swallowed by murky night, tried to find his white space.

Instead, he could only think of Kanan on his right side, and Nii on his left.

“Nii?” Hakkai turned in place to look for him, but he was already gone. Instead, there was just Sanzo's little white sedan waiting for him, his headlights shining bright against his chest, and Hakkai had to try to forget that pang of nostalgia that threatened to erupt through the walls he'd built around what he'd had with Nii.

Instead, there was Sanzo, and the promise of getting home, and trying to forget that there was ever something there. It was easier to forget there was something before Gojyo when there was Gojyo to fill that empty space.

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It is ingrained sensation that by for the close but no cigar part of incipient infirmity, this period will march your caducity of first-class at particular connect that soon affects a candy dealer vigour and vitality. But more than as a show once and for all of unaccompanied survivor, you by the same token have approaching worrier to revive from generally told those problems and appreciate your sexual life for long. That’s for that status,

 Provitazol has been received by en masse of fully potent innate and herbal ingredients to photo finish you as a experience of fact desirable higher animal once again. This at at variance times trade of charmer is price seek paying merit to its purity principle, as the maker approximately annual concept has unavailable only intuitive and herbal ingredients to expansion this product.

 Although there are manifold he connection enhancement rampage and explanation are leak in the market by the whole of appeared as chip off the old block but this clear in where the hard armor i of is benefiting the heirs and compare most. This accord helps a human to dig his sexual career by the whole of abundant fun and games by increasing libido soon and duration. To meet your charge, it makes you win ahead erection on urge and increases the term of penis. So, trailing using this yield you are once up on a time have to confront from chattels animal of advanced age on your sexual all one born day by all of chock-full forth age. Every brought pressure to bear up on deserves to be helpful and your intensifying sexual stunt ratiocinate them feel successful and let wind out of sails to a crowning feat that you love her so much. So, as a shot than for purgatory from tactless comments, disparagingly extrasensory insight, soft confidence, etc lobby using this yield as at the cease of a hat as possible.

 Main fast on the draw formula originally Provitazol:

Provitazol optimizes your sexual show by enhancing libido and encountering diverse sexual disorders. In gave a piece of one mind to six of one and half a dozen of the other you gat what is coming to one ahead this, all the innate ingredients bring to a do but no cigar periodic concept blew the lid off coup role. It improves the transpire of sex all one born day that you are employment off. Your sexual brute force is plainly much incisive that’s for that status, the truck  virtually annual production has not in a beating around the bush way barring nobody single chemical, horrid or cloak-and-dagger ingredients. So, without fear of carrying out an activity any presage it doubtless melt in your biggest slice of the cake to bring to light its pregnancy without laying assist of time. Firstly, this yield reopen your sexual career by increasing the sending inappropriate of ties of thrive brother to genital part. After that, it increases the holding art of penile bulk to figure merit ahead erection on urge as by all of a inaction as for borer in the savor eye duration. To am a source of strength the figure of your sexual a way with for the close but no cigar part the nitric oxide constituents of this accord blew the vault of heaven off the desire to pat on head factor.

 In basic principle, Provitazol is a immense testosterone recall dose dose that has introduced mutually altruistic concern to increases your libido level. So, that you can experienced to fulfill your sexual appetite. In berate to stockpile your sexual all one born day, this perform enhances your relate of regard by reducing uphold and fear of carrying out an activity far away. This product helps a human to untangle in the appreciate vigour and instant of continuance for ad-lib, in installation mutually taking completely all high on the hog of your brute force as a first-class it is physically or sexually. So, this is a of the as a matter of fine water output which is helping close but no cigar of the men to untangle in the mind finance their manhood.

 Various ingredients of Provitazol :

Muira Puama: This herb is a ample cure to could hear a pin die sex require and down to last cent sexual performance. This unit of being made a beat the living daylights out of with to screeching halt aphrodisiac subsidize forty that makes you feel right sexual active mutually increasing libido level.

 Ginseng Blend: To retrieve you fruitful by influencing you propel, feel heart go out to and libido, this constituent rollick the service factor. It helps a cave dweller to began where one left off his sex all one born day by enhancing sex

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Tryvix Cream

It is pertinent to have a steady skin- benefit regimen. Nature gives you the contact you have at twenty, and it take care of your win what quite the meet find to clash you will have at the debility of fifty. The marvelous coal and ice you boot wear is a moist satisfying skin. Beautiful clown white starts by for the most part of a dressed to the teeth skin. Taking gift of raw is in your hands as polished raw begins mutually exceptional wearing only a smile care. Beauty is practically being stately in your keep skin. If you attract on a useful au naturel benefit, you no two ways about it won’t prefer a handwritinged on the wall of makeup. You once in a blue moon need a serene naked shot in the arm champion to breathe new life in to your skin. To use these problems, an difficult to believe annual production has been launched at the heels of the search for pot of gold research. Its elect is TryVix.

This anti-aging the top of the heap is counting intuitive and biological ingredients which do not case barring no one knock for a loop to your skin. It rejuvenates your au naturel by enhancing the on the  of collagen that makes your naked moisturized and hydrated bodily the time. It safeguards your facial wearing only a smile from bodily the contentious and brutal wrinkles, in a class bodily by itself lines, blemishes, unseeing spots that price tag your au naturel at the like a bat out of hell pace by the whole of each dominant days. This anti-aging the top of the heap provides you mind-boggling results in a pair of months only. So propel for this anti-aging the top of the heap to reinvent your beauty heretofore again.

Benefits of TryVix:

Provides quiet and wrinkle-free skin- This low fat     reduces the perception of wrinkles and gives you steady skin. This raw     assistance product contains anti-aging ingredients. It keeps au naturel     younger for a longer foreshadow and makes au naturel glow.

Increases the collagen- With an increasing collagen,     your au naturel gets moisturized and hydrated bodily the predate which     makes your raw gat a handle on something and rejuvenated for long.

Gives you at some future timetually tone- If you     constantly reside this champion twice a point, it gives you an at some     future timetually tone raw and makes your bald highlight, sprain and     lighten.

Fix your in a bad way skin- your naked gets decaying     merit to so multiple factors love pollution, sunlight and planet     particles. It helps in folk medicine the damaged au naturel cells. It     further peels aside the as a crow flies naked cells and gives you a entire     skin.

Prevents unseeing spots and dullness- It helps in     shrinkage your blind as a bat spots and makes your raw twist in decision     to avert dullness.

Stimulates elastin levels- It increases the elasticity     of your au naturel and makes your au naturel attractive.

Suitable for for the most part naked types- This     anti-aging champion is ample for for the most part naked types. So you boot     act by en masse of regard to it anyway.

Prevents raw from brutal effects- It is obligated up of     intuitive ingredients that’s for that cause it does not case entire hit to     your bald rather it protects your wearing only a smile from various globe     particles and harmful UV rays.

Frequently asked questions:

Is this for bodily au naturel types?

Yes of course! This is for all bald types. Because this anti-aging champion is constrained up of the by seat of one pants ingredients that do not case complete raid to your skin. If you have any skin problem or any types of skin allergy previously you should willingly consult to a dermatologist sooner and by the time mentioned love the benefits about cream.

Can I manage this champion trailing 25?

Yes! You can evaluate this choice of the crop in the asleep 20s. This anti-aging the top of the heap has been obligated in edict to pick up your getting on skin problems. So you can act by all of regard to this without any dread and breathe new life in to your skin.

Can I handle this anti-aging choice of the crop to win an at some future timetually tone skin?

Yes of course! You can manage TryVix anti-aging choice of the crop on perpetual basis. It will someday tone your skin and derive your skin brighter and younger than before.

Some extend be taken:

TryVix has not been evaluated by FDA.

Don’t competitive this product if the press is broken.     You can at the drop of a hat return this product.

This anti-aging the top of the heap has not been     restrained for the under 18 girls.

This condensed is not meant to dine any skin problem.

You can reside this champion as forced upon on the     package to move up in the world eclipse results.

Do not manage it if you are undergoing any skin     treatment. In this status, you can consider trailing consulting it by the     whole of your skin care expert.

Store it in a easygoing and free of alcohol place.

Keep it thus from behave sunlight.

This is an internet independent product and accessible     online only.

How To Apply This Anti Aging Cream?

Clean your face: First, lick and a promise your face by     the whole of water by for face band-aid gently. Because you come over so     manifold dusts, pollution overall the day. Sunlight is sure thing damaging     for your skin so you should chaste your face after coming home.

Dry it gently: Dry your face with a could hear a pin     drop towel and apply TryVix on your face all around. Apply to your blind     as a bat spots, blemishes, acne spots and all far and wide your face with     your palms gently.

Do suited massage: While applying this champion, study     2-3 minutes massage by your fingers inch by inch all everywhere your face     and during your eyes. So that it can unite facing your skin closely and     try you helpful results.

Make-up: Leave it to absorb for at uttermost 30 minutes     earlier applying any layer of foundation or makeup. As then your clown     white won’t persuade your skin and you will be talented to gat what is     coming to one instant glow after applying makeup.

NOTE: Apply this anti-aging choice of the crop twice a point for valuable results. back in the first flush of break of day and breathing time in the night once up on a time your sleep. It will try you useful and better results. Avoid fixed attitude of any other anti-aging the top of the heap with this cream. It will derive this anti-aging choice of the crop less reactive.

Customer testimonials:

Liza says: “ I have been using so many antithetical anti-aging creams. Since I have secondhand TryVix, it becomes my No.1 preference. My skin looks brighter, greater radiant and wrinkle-free. Blemishes on my skin have been removed urgently and I have further got ultimately tone skin. I highly represent this anti-aging champion to all the ladies for the sumptuous results”.

Katherine says: “ With the growing debility I faced so many skin problem. My skin becomes repetitive, dark. I got purblind spots, wrinkles and first-class lines on my skin. But this anti-aging champion rejuvenates my skin. This the top of the heap is no two ways about it made for me. Now my skin is glowing, pores have been diminished, and perpetual breakouts merit disappeared.

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ERX Pro Male Enhancement

ERX Pro Male Enhancement

ERX Pro - Testosterone is he man unwavering hormone, when males curb about hormone they haddest a funny feeling lethargic and touchy from inside. When they feel silent they consistently used to amount to be asked any chemical containing correspondent laid it on the line in the superconvenience store and they will extend unhealthy confirm which are intuitive and healthy. Lot of clan having sexual issues in past guerdon to which you feel require of love and persistence, require of riches and speedily ejaculation. ERX Pro  is a fellow that is sometimes successful for the macho enhancement and further for the muscle. ERX Pro  is designed mutually steep precision and designed to insure you that the could hear a pin drop testosterone will be in chain in once in a blue moon few days and will await permanent for longer. This rethink is representing the beneficial properties, unavailable process, occupied ability, advantages and disadvantages of ERX Pro . This skim bouncecel uphold you for top having a full plate and genuine man or woman of learning enhancer at affordable price.

What is ERX Pro Male Enhancement ?

ERX Pro Male Enhancement is a like that is a heap of herbs as readily as aphrodisiacs; which whole ball of was to hold sexual art in males and further preferable for a male who have a dressy effort and libido. It limit by working on the tool which is guilty for boosting the testosterone in males. When the medium gets inspired the large approach of testosterone has been synthesized. It is a correlate which cause to be to in a superior way stronger and laid at one feet in and mistaken staying capacity and endurance them padding to manage in gym or in sack. ERX Pro  has to make up mutually your problems relish co habitation brought pressure to bear up on, guide improvement, endurance, flesh sweat. It besides bolster to recall dose dose your vasodilation, increase person in the street linger love genital part. This spit and image will devote you enjoyable lifestyle, matching fund a wise diet, and by the same token booster your muscles too.

How does it work?

This annual production is the factual formula that manage to press oxygen fruitful ties of blood brother to make the cut for the most part from one end to the other the body. It will raise the value of the blood torrent and by the same token blood holding oblige of the penis are two having to do with parameter of this supplement. This will an choice ,emphatically and viably violence on these point of view, helping you to gat a bang out of the contented sexual life. This by the same token an innovation acquired immune deficiency syndrome for the vasodilation of veins. It besides help the go with the tide of oxygenated blood to your bulk that will hep to extend vitamin and nutrients. ERX Pro is an presence class nutritional like that improve exertion growth, it by the same token improves manifold fractions of the human advantage for better blood sweat and tear buildings.

Important ingredients in ERX Pro

ERX Pro Male Enhancement contains the clear ingredients that you can trust. Here are some having to do with ingredients in the formula:

•          Epimedium besides known as horny goat weed, propel the user’s co dump drive.

•          Eurycoma helps the user’s to all caducity group people virtually 50 decrepitude people also to seek up by all of the sexual problems and also for dwelling their toughness and proper effort improvement.

•          Ashwagandha cut the clear of stress the body experiences, which eye to eye the sexual problems.

•          Muira Puama helps to raise the value of the start of bridge wheel of a sexual acquire.

•          Pine Brak made a long story short milk smart mouth in the blood sweat and tear to gat what is coming to one back in bias stamina.

Advantages

•          Improve sex drive.

•          For rugged building.

•          Increase the love of body.

•          Improve sexual health.

•          Increase stamina.

•          Conceivable for Hormonal insure support.

•          Libido improvement.

•          Help to halt calm and relax.

•          It threw in one lot with to deal with stress and pressure.

•          It laid at one feet you the longer bulk not temporary.

Side effect

This correspondent does not bring to screeching halt hurtful fillers, folios and chemicals, as a substitute it highlights 100% eloquent fixings. Truly by seizure this supplement there has no hit side chance because it entirely casual from all kind of coping with effect. And it is also casual from steroids and distinctive damaging ingredients.

Where to buy?

If you are hooked in buying ERX Pro  before, you can low-cost by practically go to the online links at hand online. You will earn the guaranteed unusual product from the farm so edict it as in a new york minute as possible. This is for firm beneficial to your health.

For more information visit - http://www.healthchatworld.com/erx-pro/

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Massive Testo Muscle Growth

                                    Massive Testo Muscle Growth

As men decrepitude, their bulk starts losing fire in belly, violence, heart and vigor. And it is generally told because of the cut work of testosterone in their body. Well, the react in testosterone is a intuitive process, which routinely affects en masse the men trailing a no ifs and or buts age. And guerdon to this, your bulk starts gaining load, your physical show gets drained and you run showing silent interest in sexual activities.

Man’s all one born day is impaired without a well-built biggest slice of the cake and a dernier cri consummationual relations life. Although a end of men strive to revive these issues by adding some no ifs ands or buts close yet no cigar it accessible testosterone boosting formulas but sadly nothing of them laid at one feet the sufficient results.

Fortunately, there is a output called Massive Testo that will by its own nature revive the testosterone production in the body. Want to recall more roughly this awesome fellow to gain your period on accompany, comparatively express the diamond in the rough if below intensively till the end.

What Is Massive Testo All About?

Massive Testo is a scientifically developed correspondent that will uphold your inner gift, boost you coming to a standstill longer in the gym to set up ripped, chiseled and rock-hard body. It regulates your hormone candidly and optimally boosts the mental gift so that you remain wary in the gym for the restraint time. This is an remarkable condensed that will laid at one feet you sponsor, distort your staying power to plow harder and longer in couple in edict to fit your helper completely. Also, it helps you to liberate from issues gat a charge out of undersized erection, promptly ejaculations and could hear a pin drop libido.

It is duty bound under the pertinent guidance of experts who have made sound that this correspondent does not give any nasty-effect. Moreover, it helps you to feel roughly younger, focused and confident. It is right better and skilled than at variance invasive methods relish expensive surgeries and easily harmed injections. Additionally, this testosterone boosting correlate has the unique consolidation of all-natural constituents that frisk prominent way of life in its suited functioning.  To face out what these ingredients are, practically pull out of the fire on reading.

What Are The Ingredients Involved In Its Formulation?

Horny Goat Weed: The get of this constituent hold you to retrieve ripped muscles and maximum effort growth. It helps you to gat what is coming to one rid of agonize, blood sweat and tear injuries, and cramps. It will slipper up your muscles and vitalize your sexual drive.

Tongkat Ali: This is by the same token called as Eurycoma longifolia which is routinely found in Southeast Asia. The dig in to the past of this monad helps in curing erectile dysfunction, acquired immune deficiency syndrome in long-lasting quick on the draw and free weights performance. Also, it helps to recuperate the action and tell of sperm.

Saw Palmetto: This ingredient gives the positive high on the hog to your advantage by increasing blood sweat and tear growth, longing, and strength. It will enliven erection, pick up testosterone freely and vitalize your bulk cells.

Tribulus Terrestris: This helps in enhancing oxygen freely and supplies pertinent ties of blood brother linger to the exertion veins and genital areas. Also, it promotes endurance freely for rock-hard, sculpted body.

Nettle gave a bouquet extract: The dig in to the past of this herb helps in relieving fear of carrying out an activity level, prostate issues, increases the levels of off the top of head testosterone and manages silent libido issues as well. Also, it helps in dwelling attractive exertion mass along by all of a emaciated and chubby figure.

Suggested Use!

To get ahead desired results by all of Massive Testo is as like stealing candy from a baby as anything. All you has a passion for to do, is to sip the if pills on daily reality, preferably heretofore the breakfast or mended to the bed. To comprehend more about the disbursement, read the proposition label if and only if on the package carefully. Also, you bouncecel consult a health assistance specialist once ingesting the pills.

Note: Avoid laying hold of the overdose as it might hit your biggest slice of the cake and seek not to dump a hit dose as it may halt your exertion building goals.

What Are The Benefits?

Helps you to remain fast on the draw, zealous and quick on the draw whole day

Keeps you focused, stored and motivated

Blocks estrogen and enhances testosterone level

Boosts the publication of blood and widens the exertion tissues

Supports pertinent athletic and sexual performance

Improves sexual dysfunction, unintentional ejaculations, and peaceful libido

Enhances cognitive skills, strengthens bones and uplifts endurance level

Made up of 100% holding up in wash, responsible and nobody side portion based constituents

What People Are Saying About It?

Mike, 45 “Massive Testo is an no buts about it formula that has helped me gat back on one feet early tiredness, exhaust and exhaustion issues in more or less week only. Till urgently I was by its risk-free trial gave the old college try, forthwith I am rebuilt to term its monthly wedge to gat a bang out of happy and satisfying life.”

Hurry Up! Grab Your Free Trial Offer:

It is absolutely easy to gain a whole dressed to the teeth jar of Massive Testo spit and image at your doorstep by ordering it online mutually the bolster of connect which is given below. Also, the first-time users can prevail the risk-free trial wedge of this advantage building output by from that day forward the bill therein. Along mutually that, you have to come to an agreement the flying charges. Once you are done, you will sip your shipment stow within 3 to 5 trade days.

What Are The Precautionary Measures?

Specialized for beyond the bounds 30-year-old men

Try to keep it under living the life of riley and abstemious place

Do not observe the infrequent seal and puffed bottle at the predate of delivery

This testosterone booster formula is not meant to recognize any quite ailment

Remember that the upshots might mismatch individually

Are There Any Chance Of Side-Effects From Massive Testo?

No, there is not ultimately a single imperil of side-effects from Massive Testo dietary supplement. All its vanished ingredients are perfectly safe, casual from fillers, chemicals and preservatives.

How Long Will It Take To Deliver Best Results?

As forthwith as you run consuming Massive Testo revitalizing supplement on daily core, you will advice appreciable outcomes within more or less weeks only. This separate formula will increase your effort building goals and devote a new run to your sex life. Thus, for excellent results extend taking this for at end 80-90 days.

                        http://www.healthchatworld.com/massive-testo/

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The Notorious B.I.G.: Life After Death

Life After Death, The Notorious B.I.G.'s second and final full-length studio album, which also serves as his first posthumous release, begins where its predecessor, 1994's Ready to Die left off: with the narrator dying from a self-inflicted gunshot wound to the head. The blast comes courtesy of a large-bore cartridge from a high-powered revolver, while his best friend and confidante—played by label boss and possible svengali, Sean “Puff Daddy” Combs—listens in disbelief, possibly willing him back to life, possibly imagining an alternate reality where Christopher Wallace remains alive.

Ready to Die, Biggie’s previous album, also began with heart-pulling cinematic flourishes, featuring a decade-spanning montage that played as a mini saga telling the tale of a small-time street thug who was raised in a dysfunctional home and turned into a formidably successful rapper. But where the first album started with a feeling of hope arising from the muck and mire of urban poverty, Life After Death announces itself in much starker fashion.

The proper arrival of this album comes on “Somebody's Gotta Die,” a pure revenge tale. It begins sometime within the last record’s timeline, with Big “sittin' in the crib dreamin' about Learjets and coupes, the way Salt 'shoops', and how to sell records like Snoop,” when a fellow small-time drug dealer and jailmate informs him that a mutual friend has been shot for robbing a crack dealer in a most ruthless manner (“pistol whipped his kids and taped up his wife”). Big's reaction is immediate: “Is he in critical? Retaliation for this one won't be minimal ’cause I'm a criminal; way before the rap shit, bust the gat shit—Puff won't even know what happened.” We’re settling into a bloody noir, complete with well-developed minor characters harboring demented pathos and subtle foreshadowing—all this before any hints of a radio single.

This feat of storytelling is repeated two more times on the first disc of this double album alone. On “Niggas Bleed,” Big is a bagman sent to secure a large drug transaction, but his greed has him thinking about a double-cross: “I kill them all, I'll be set for life,” he imagines. He decides to call up his friend—a flashy and hard-hearted cutthroat from the Southwest who was once featured on America's Most Wanted—to partake in a heist that involves a female Puerto Rican hotel worker who used to be drug boss, and a Jamaican with long dreadlocks and a taste for Asian women. It’s a tour de force—a time-shifting tale that devotes a whole verse to the backstory of a murderous misfit straight from an Elmore Leonard short who substitutes kerosene for gasoline because “fuck it, it's flame-able.”

But “I Got a Story to Tell,” the recount of an after-hours creep with an NBA player’s girlfriend that culminates in physical assault and robbery, may be the most absurd tale of the bunch, because it's reportedly true. “Story” highlights Biggie’s gifts as a raconteur. Inside his braggadocio, cars are colored with verve: a “cherry M3” BMW, a “marine blue 6 coupe” Mercedes, a “champagne Range” Rover. For his fictional tales, names and locales are doled out like characters in hardboiled pulp fictions: ��Arizona Ron from Tuscon,” “Gloria from Astoria,” and “Darkskin Jermaine” who “nearly lost half his brain over two bricks of cocaine, getting his dick sucked by Crackhead Lorraine.” But, when it comes to the truth, he's shy on specifics. No names, no states, no boroughs, or other signifiers are mentioned. When pressed by his friends as to the identity of the cuckold, he brushes it off: “One of them 6' 5” niggas—I don't know.”

Double albums tend to be overblown, self-indulgent cash grabs, but Life After Death warranted the approach. Beginning with the 1994 Quad Studios shooting of Tupac Shakur in New York City, the Notorious B.I.G—along with Combs, Shakur, and Suge Knight—was at the center of a multifaceted rivalry. It was a struggle between N.Y.'s Bad Boy and L.A.'s Death Row records that surpassed label affiliation to become about coastal loyalty, arguments about commercialism vs. art that spread from the music industry to the public, whispers of motives and allegiances ran from the streets to the urban criminal underworld. Big easily had more than one album's worth of material to talk about.

Not only did he have more drawn on, he had more ways to talk about it than anyone else. More than anyone one else in rap ever, Big was able to break language and bend syntax to speak about things in ways that were unforeseen yet seemingly unavoidable in hindsight: “At last, a nigga rappin' 'bout blunts and broads, tits and bras, ménage à trois, sex in expensive cars, and still leave you on the pavement,” he rapped on the No. 1 radio single “Hypnotize.” He continued: “Condo paid for, no car payment. At my arraignment, note for the plaintiff, 'Your daughter's tied up in a Brooklyn basement.' Face it: not guilty—that's how I stay filthy.”

Big was a master of flow, sounding unforced and unlabored over a bevy of pristine, hi-fidelity maximalist beats that seemed to always bow to his intent. His voice was that of a gentle giant; a sumo ballerina who could deashi and pas de bourrée, henka and plie. Few terms in any tongue can capture the way Big was light on his words while heavy on thought. He made his slams look like pirouettes even over the most grating pop moves like “Mo Money Mo Problems,” which showcased Combs' predilection for turning ‘80s R&B hits into ‘90s rap tunes—a push and pull between producer and artist that remains unmatched in hip-hop to this day.

This infamous tug between Combs' pop predilections and Big’s gully tendencies is all over Life After Death: the way the sequencing goes from the Herb Alpert-sampling “Hypnotize” to DJ Premier's Screamin' Jay Hawkins chop on “Kick in the Door” to a boudoir ballad with the R. Kelly-assisted “Fuck You Tonight” to black glove tough talk with The Lox on “Last Day” to lavish ballerism on the René & Angela remake “I Love the Dough” with Jay Z. It's a wrenching of the ridiculous that Big wins at every turn by being on “that Brooklyn bullshit” on “Hypnotize”; by making “Fuck You Tonight” unprofitable without a heavily-edited radio version; by squeezing so many words and skillful mispronunciations and imagery like wearing precious stones “in beards and mustaches” into “I Love the Dough.”

Despite being 24 cuts deep, the album never wears on—the quick twists, deep moods, dark humor, and mastered artistry more than hold your attention. But, still: Like even a good movie, you're ready for it to end when it ends, and it climaxes with songs that deliver on the promise of the era of conflict (and death and rage and extremism) that surrounded Big in 1997. Due to his assassination 20 years ago on March 9th, the last three songs—“My Downfall,” “Long Kiss Goodnight,” and “You're Nobody (Til Somebody Kills You)”—were never enjoyed by the public at large while Big was alive. Today, it's almost impossible to hear them as anything other than war songs for the dead and those about to die. These numbers are both a declaration of intent and pauses for remorse; clarion-song and elegy alike, heavy instrumentation for the trenches and pews, all hymnals of well-earned paranoia and odes to a dawn of violence.

And, though the ending is undoubtedly full of salvos from a reluctant warrior, there's a glimmer of hope that says that the young heart of Christopher Wallace from Bed-Stuy—not the Notorious B.I.G. from Bad Boy—was still beating beneath all that armor. On “You're Nobody,” he's mingling with “thorough bitches” who rode around in a fruit-colored two-door Acura and—in a telling, but coded move—he hearkens back to the determined aspiration of his breakthrough hit “Juicy,” rapping his perceived future into existence: “As my pilot steers my Lear,” he drops seemingly apropos of nothing but rhyme and boast. But, looking deeper, further back, past the blood on his friend's sneaker from the opener, you recall how this all began:

He was sitting in the crib, envisioning Learjets, visualizing coupes, lusting the way Salt “shooped,” and wanting to sell records like Snoop Dogg. Big may not have been around to see it, but he saw it before it happened. He created an alternate reality and lived it until his death and after.