#the only choice we made was to be as happy and healthy as possible

[t4transsexual]

yknow i dont love the "youre getting gender affirming surgeries? youre amputating HEALTHY BODY PARTS. what if someone just wanted to cut off their leg?" mostly because in my time working in hospitals, i actually did meet a man who did have an elective amputation of his leg while i worked in the hospital (im a healthcare worker when im not busy being trans online btw)

i cant give any information on him due to HIPAA and i think thatd be disrespectful anyway, but it was over a year ago i worked there. and sometimes in hospitals you have "regulars." which sucked; all my regulars were lovely people and i wish they werent in the hospital

regardless, there was a man there who was over 70, and one day i ask him what hes there for, and he tells me why. since hes gotten his knee replacement surgery some time ago, it keeps getting infected. he told me they keep trying to fix it but it keeps coming back. and he tells me he wants an amputation

he says hes reaching the end of his life, and if this is what it took to have a good quality of life so close to the end, hed do it. he didnt want to he in the hospital anymore. he said the nurses and doctors keep trying to talk him out of it, but this is what he wants

before anyone mentions, no, this is not a "crazy person" who is "getting an amputation because he wants to be disabled." he was probably autistic but clearly very mentally stable, he was depressed about being a frequent flier obviously. but this is an elective surgery. under no definition was this medically necessary. he didnt have a tumor, he didnt have cancer, he wasnt going to lose the leg unless he amputated it. he wanted it amputated largely because it would drastically improve the quality of his life

ive been thinking about him a lot since ive been going about the process of getting my gender affirming surgeries later this year. all things considered, he wouldve had more of a chance of having his ailment cured without amputation than i ever will having my gender dysphoria "cured" without surgery. if anything, i hope yall who make this argument understand that there are real people who may choose to get an amputation, and they dont HAVE to be "mentally unstable" to do it. neither of us are or were

and for anyone who cares, one day he greeted me from his bed with a big smile on his face saying he got an amputation, and i never saw him again at the hospital after that

[teaboot]

While I'm happy that the word "gaslighting" is more known than it used to be, and that people at large are learning to recognize what it looks like, I feel like we need to be careful not to turn it into something soft and casual we throw around off the cuff without meaning.

Being gaslit is psychological abuse that fucks you up very badly, very slowly, at such a gradual pace that you don't usually know it's happening until it's already re-wired your brain.

If you're unfamiliar with the term, "to gaslight" is to intentionally persuade someone that they cannot trust their own perceptions of reality. It's a destabilizing form of manipulation that leaves you constantly anxious, off-balanced, confused, and dependant on others.

This is done by lying about events that have happened or about things that are happening, invalidating feelings and observations, and either denying, refusing to acknowledge, or deflecting away from hard facts.

As someone who has experienced gaslighting as a form of abuse, this is what I remember from when I didn't know anything was off:

"Oh, I must have forgotten what really happened."

"I'm just not seeing it from their point of view."

"Everyone has their ups and downs. This is normal."

"I guess I wasn't thinking about what I was doing."

"I must have been wrong."

This is what I remember from when I first started realizing something was weird:

"How come every time I'm convinced they did something wrong, they just talk to me a few minutes, and I end up asking for their forgiveness? What has me so convinced I was right in the first moment?"

"I should start writing things down when they happen, so I can go back and check later when I'm confused."

"If every relationship like ours (familial, romantic, platonic) works this way, how come I never hear about it, or read about it, or see it anywhere else?"

Getting out and adjusting to the real world is hard, too, and comes with rapid swings of unfounded guilt, shame, fear, anxiety, and self-deprication that are completely unfounded in reality.

You've been conditioned to believe that you are entirely helpless and unable to think for yourself, possibly "crazy" or otherwise fundamentally impaired, and that there is a singular source of guidance that knows exactly what is right, and all of a sudden that pillar of support has vanished.

The immediate "after" that I recall looks like:

Constant uncertainty. Because nobody is there to tell you what's real and what isn't, you approach every situation thinking at it from all angles. Every question has fifty possible answers and most of them are wrong and you don't know which. If you choose wrong, the world will end.

A sense of helplessness. You feel that nothing you do is correct, and it's easier to make no choices at all- or you make wild, reckless, impulsive choices, because you feel you have nothing to lose.

Memory loss. I don't understand this one, but it's not like memoriescare being erased, but more like... you're so used to treating your memories as dreams or imaginations that you reflexively dismiss anything you recall as fake, and you can't believe anything you recall because you don't think it was real. Your abusers voice is in your head, wiping things away and telling you that you did the wrong thing. And you believe them, because they're the only constant you can rely on.

Missing the abuser, or the abusive dynamic. Because you know now that it wasn't healthy, but at least you knew where you stood. As long as you said the right things and acted the right way, agreed and obeyed and did as they expected, you felt like thevworld made sense. Now you have to figure out which parts of you really are broken, and which parts are working fine in a really weird way, and it's like tuning a piano when you've never played one before.

The long term "after"- for which I can only speak for myself- looks like:

Having to double-check, triple-check, and continue checking hard evidence of an event before responding in an active way.

Consulting with trusted friends to verify that your observations are legitimate and that your perceptions are valid. Following up with them to see if someone is really angry at you, or if you're just projecting anger onto them because it's what makes sense to your old pattern.

Obsessive collection of "evidence"- saving pictures, writing detailed journals, making recordings and video, never deleting emails or old texts, because you still don't quite trust yourself all the way and you're afraid that someone will cause you to doubt yourself again.

Continued self-doubt and being "gullible": I have straight up seen people flip me off to my face in front of witnesses and then immediately tell me, "No, I was just waving", and my first instinct is to believe them. For a few seconds, I *really do* believe them. Your brain is so trained to latch onto what people tell you to believe that its really, really hard to hold onto information that you already have.

Learning to take ownership over your own actions. (I didn't mess up because I'm "crazy", I messed up because I'm a person and people do that.)

Instinctively seeking approval. (Takes a lot of work to remind myself that I don't exit to make people happy, and that some people suck ass, and I can tell them to piss off.)

I don't intend to invalidate anyone currently struggling with this- if you feel that something is wrong, it probably is. That's the thought that got me out. Trust that feeling that something isn't right.

I just want people who don't know what to look for to know what gaslighting *actually* looks and feels like, so they don't just roll their eyes and think, "Oh, that word doesnt apply to me- I'm not some snowflake".

('Cause we all saw what happened with "triggered", right?)

[afirewiel]

I've been seeing a lot of discourse about Rose and Tentoo on my dash lately and I thought I'd add my two cents. I have never been a fan of that ending for Rose. "He's Ten but human! He has Ten's memories!" That argument would hold a lot more weight if it weren't for the fact that earlier in the same season there was a clone of Martha who had Martha's memories and yet acted completely differently than Martha, showing that she was in fact not Martha but her own person. In the "Almost People" arc in season 6, we get a copy of Eleven with his memories, who again acts unlike Eleven and is his own person. In one of the new specials, we get copies of Fourteen and Donna, who also have their memories but are not them. So this whole "memories are what make the person" argument in Tentoo's favor just falls flat.

He had Ten's memories and yet still committed genocide. An act Ten was enraged at him for. So clearly they are in disagreement here, so Ten's memories didn't seem to do him any good as he still chose to do something Ten did not approve of. And why would anyone, least of all the Doctor, leave the woman he loves with a man who had just committed genocide!? It makes no sense to me for him to do that. If anything, one would have thought the Doctor would want to keep Rose as far away from Tentoo as possible after that.

"You changed me. You made me better. Now you can change him." Excuse me, Doctor, but it is not Rose's job to change him! She doesn't owe it to you, to him, or to anyone else to make make him better. She made you better by influence, not because she actively went "I can fix him." And expecting her to, is just wrong and that is not the healthy basis for a relationship.

The biggest reason, however, that I don't like this ending is that Rose wasn't given a choice. Ten didn't let her choose between him and Tentoo. He didn't tell her that Tentoo was human and then asked her if she wanted to stay and live her life with Tentoo. Nope. He told she was going to. "But she kissed Tentoo!" Only because he was the one who told her how he felt about her. Ten purposefully avoided answering her. And even after she kissed Tentoo and realized that Tardis was leaving with Ten and Donna in tow, she chased after them and looked heartbroken when she realized they were gone. Even RTD and Billie Piper have said that the ending was a cope out and that Rose wasn't given a choice. That if she had been, she would have chosen to return to the Tardis with Ten and Donna.

Perhaps if we had gotten a spin-off show about Rose and Tentoo's life, I could have warmed up to this ending, but we didn't. Instead all we got was Ten losing her again (this time of his own choosing) and then immediately losing Donna afterward and him being all alone. So yeah, not a happy ending in my book. If you like it, that's fine. I for one just cannot.

[aleksanderscult]

Analyzing "Demon in the Wood" (book) - Part 5

(Part 1, part 2, part 3 and part 4)

(TW: self-harm!, suicide!)

Did you think I had forgotten about this meta?

ABSOLUTELY NOT

I was just dealing with a small health issue and before that I didn't have the motivation.

But now my meta-analyzing-self has returned with the fifth and last part of the book.

This is the passage from the book that actually made me think "What if Aleksander himself started sleeping less and less as an adult?". He "adopted" so many things from Baghra. It's possible that he did this too. Sleeping very few hours at night and always ready to leap at the first sign of danger.

Also, not Eryk not wanting to get smacked from his mom if she catches him. 😭

“It’s not enough.” His voice made me jump. The Darkling emerged from the shadows onto the lamplit path.

He really can startle people with his silent movements.

And the fact that he has been trained by hunters!

So he has learned from hunters, seers, Kings, Saints. Through all these four hundred years he gained an enormous amount of knowledge. (I would honestly sit and listen to his experiences for free)

HE'S TOO CUTE I JUST--

He really preferred to get interrogated by his mother for his wet clothes than get naked in front of a girl. 😭🫶

We went from this "He felt too shy to remove everything."

To this "His hand slid down to my hip. I felt a little trill of panic as my skirt slid higher and his fingers closed on my bare thigh."

They grow up so fast. 🥹🥹

It's that beautiful realization that he acts like a kid that makes me happy. All giggling and smiling while playing and swimming. This is the life he was supposed to live and he knows it.

He's so happy and hopeful that he starts making plans! 😭

He just wants to stay somewhere.

The Darkling never hated the otkazat'sya. It wasn't hate he felt but (overtime) he just only came to know their nature.

Eryk really liked Sylvi and thought her a good company to have her around.

He was aware of the way men looked at his mother.

I'm sorry but I find this line kind of awkward. It may only be just me. But little Aleksander seeing men giving lustful looks to Baghra is a little awkward. Like, man, not in front of her son. 😭

It was one more weapon in her arsenal.

Actually an anon once sent me an ask saying that the Darkling was promiscuous on his earlier days out of his need for touch and to gain information.

At that time I said that I doubted it since he had other means to gain information (through his spies, his natural charisma etc.) but @stromuprisahat discussed this in the comments and now I agree with her that Aleksander would sleep with someone to gain information. And, in the end, it was this line that fully convinced me. Just like I've said previously, Aleksander mimics his mother in almost everything. He just copies her behavior and patterns. And that's one more pattern that he must have copied. If he didn't have any other choice and was desperate (also it would depend on the person he had in front of him) Aleksander would go in "flirt mode" to get what he wants. Seduction was one weapon out of the hundreds in his arsenal, ready to be used if necessary.

Well hello socially awkward Aleksander.

That might be my hot take for him I think. Aleksander Morozova was actually socially awkward in sensitive matters (this moment right here, revealing to Ulla that they're siblings, his first kiss with Alina).

He was never raised in a stable home, never had healthy friendships and was raised by his mother very strictly and to value power over love. So whatever compassion he had as a person, he had it out of his own character. He was born with it and not nurtured to feel it or have it.

He doesn't know if this question about her mother is appropriate because he normally doesn't have conversations with peers and hasn't learned to.

It's a very sad but true fact about his character.

Eryk: "Thanks mom for nothing I guess".

I don't think people realize how cut off Aleksander was from literally everyone. And it was Baghra that cut him off. Not one single word about his father like she created him by herself or something.

(Now I also remembered how Alina was the only other person Aleksander could bond and be with since she was immortal too but Baghra took that from him as well. That woman really said "You'll have no one but me")

now I'm angry

He really really tries.

I've analyzed this moment a bit here but basically Aleksander was very awkward with others showing a vulnerable side. He isn't used to being close with others since he constantly travels, so here he does his best to comfort Annika as she lays bare her thoughts and feelings. He wants to let her know that her father didn't fail but did his best to protect his remaining family.

Hell nah!! 😭😭

Not my boy being protective over his new friend 😭😭

He only knows her for a few hours and he feels already close to her.

This shatters my heart because he doesn't want to believe the truth. He doesn't want to face it in the beginning. He's like "Oh. Maybe we're playing". He doesn't want to know that his friend has turned against him.

*tears up*

Can you hear me crying in the background? 🙂

He was so ready to protect her against a boy taller and stronger than him. Because they're friends. Friends are supposed to stick together.

*I'm ready to cry*

He's still in denial. 😭

And seeing the difference between this young Aleksander to his older version. The young one being naive, innocent and weak because he lets his emotions get the better of him. While the older one never begged for anything (at least directly), shed that side of him and still died because he still wanted things.

THE STRATEGIC BABY GRISHA IS HERE!!

He cleared his head and started thinking of ways to get out. And what better way of escaping than making Annika and Lev fight each other?

I personally think he said that line for two reasons:

He wanted Lev to know what he is in order to make him come over, break the ice and even stop Annika so he could buy himself some time and escape.

It's very interesting that he said "you won't be able to push her or her sister around anymore". He could have said "When Annika wears my bone she'll be more powerful than you" but he brought up Annika's vulnerable position and that shows that he understands why Annika does this.

But still he won't sit and let her finish the job.

His determination is the one quality that admire in him the most.

Take this moment for example. Someone just hit his head with a rock and he focuses on staying awake and alive. He doesn't allow his own body to take him down.

And here the same thing happens:

He's ready to vomit and pass out but he just forces his body to do more, to escape and survive. He never lets anything deter him from what he wants. And apparently it was Baghra that made him this way too:

She nurtured his strong will and over the years he became a driven, focused and determined person. And it were these qualities that kept him alive all those centuries.

When Alina left him behind on the Fold he survived and kept going.

When Sturmhond left him with a broken ship, a wounded arm and in the middle of nowhere, he survived and kept going.

When Alina betrayed him and brought a building down on his face, he survived, took the throne and rose again.

When his mother committed suicide, he cleared his head and continued his war.

When he came back from the dead, he still continued the march towards his ambition.

Literally nothing could stop him. Even "when he wasn't so sure he wanted to go on" he put his one foot in front of the other and set his eyes towards his dream. Whether that was to provide the Grisha a safe home, or the Ravkans a safe country or himself a companion to have. Or all of it together.

It was enough to make him less a boy than a prize.

A sad existence to live. Especially in your childhood. Your own people seeing you as a trophy to have, to wear and use than a human with a life of his own.

He revealed his gift to Annika when he showed kindness to her and now he pays the price.

His relationship with his mother is one of the most (if not the most) pivotal aspects of his character. Her words and teachings have been implanted deep inside him and can hear her often in his mind (just like he did in RoW).

Did he also hear her voice whenever he was close to dying in his adulthood?

He lashed out of fury, desperation and sadness for everything that happened that day. Just when he thought he had it all, fate came and took them out of his hands along with his hope.

Let me make a mark on this world before I leave it.

He succeeded in that. The Little Palace is the greatest proof and people talked about him long after he was gone (and they'll continue to do so).

As a child he saw how Grisha came and went from this world without "touching" anything. He didn't want the same thing to happen to him. He wanted to make something.

(Also the fact that he dropped that iconic, serious line at the age of thirteen. The Darkling at thirteen "I want to make something grand before I die". Me at thirteen: *watching Shakira clips and failing school like nobody's business* 😭😭)

I don't think most of us understand that Aleksander literally self-harmed himself to survive and save his mother's life as well. Used his own power against him to make sure that they won't be burned alive for what he did.

For the Ulle to be so sure that nothing would happen at their camp makes me think that they were being established successfully there for a long time. But that surety and protection faded because of his own people who are so desperate to gain power in order to survive. It's not a matter of selfishness. I don't see it that way. But it's a matter of survival especially since the Grisha are a group of persecuted people that are hunted down for their powers, feared and shunned.

Whether you believe it or not, I've seen people say that Aleksander didn't regret the fact that he was responsible for the burning of that village.

*screaming in frustration*

So. I'll repeat that it wasn't an act of selfishness but a matter of survival. It's not a black and white situation. If Aleksander had said the truth he would be executed alongside his mother for what he did. And the other Grisha wouldn't hesitate to do it since they already feared Baghra. And what people fear, they destroy.

Aleksander opted to cut his leg deep with his own powers, lose unconsciousness and tell a fake story to save his mother and leave from that settlement in one piece. But he didn't take pleasure from it. He wasn't glad when Lev and Annika died and felt sorry for their parents and their reaction. And now he feels sorry for the burning of the village. He knew they were innocent and he supposed they were going to interrogate them or something. But kill all of them? That he neither expected or wanted.

Look. I think Baghra loved her son. But let's be honest. If he wasn't so powerful, if he wasn't immortal he would cast him away the same way she did with his siblings. Sooo....yeah. It's a toxic kind of love. She loves him for what he can offer her (companionship mostly) so it's not an unconditional love. She mostly wanted to keep him safe because, if he died, she would be left with no one.

Bardugo in a podcast called her "a horrible, horrible mother" and she is. But I still find her a fascinating character that I can't get enough of for some reason. I don't like her but I find her interesting.

Honestly, me neither. Annika was not my favorite character in this story but I don't hate her for trying to kill him. She wanted to protect her family and their position in the camp. It's a bleak world for the Grisha and they have to "eat" each other to survive.

Aleksander really said: "I will make my people matter. I'll make them touch this world and make themselves known. We will be seen".

All the Grisha characters that were trained in the Little Palace owe their reputation to the Darkling. Alina would never know who she was and, even if she did, she would waste because she would be unable to use her powers without someone to guide her. Zoya would never achieve that reputation.

Grisha would just continue to live in caves and hidden establishments. Afraid to go out and show their powers to strangers.

By S&B the Grisha were still despised but there was a minority that held them in awe. But that did nothing to change the situation. Now they are seen but used by the Crown. It was the only place they could have in the kingdom.

It rose from the trees surrounding it like something carved from an enchanted forest, a cluster of dark wood walls and golden domes. As we drew closer, I saw that every inch of it was covered in intricate carvings of birds and flowers, twisting vines, and magical beasts.

“Welcome to the Little Palace,” said the Darkling.

He did it. The crazy son of a bitch did it. 🥹🥹

He managed to create a safe home for them. Made sure for them to be surrounded by other people like them, sitting in front of a warm hearth, in unity not in conflict with each other. Somewhere to rest their heads under the gorgeous carvings of vines and birds. A place to practice their powers freely and eat luxuriously. Somewhere to come back to, like all of us do when we want to go home. Somewhere to belong and somewhere to stay.

(fuck you Tolya for what you said in that duology. Fuck you and everyone who talks shit about Aleksander's greatest accomplishment)

That was the end of the book and I absolutely loved that story. I need 20 more novellas like this from the perspective of the Darkling from his earlier adventures. I'll analyze the Graphic Novel next.

[miilkyrolls]

okay fine, Murder at homecoming, YOU WIN

so i finally finished MaH after putting off continuing past chapter 1 since like...february and, i almost used this book as a diamond mine cause i preemptively was like "this looks lame 😒"

... i came, i laughed, i gasped, i yelled, i cried and i left... then i CAME BACK BECAUSE HOLY MOTHER OF REPLAY-ABILITY BATMAN🥲

but no this book hits right where it needed too. I know one of the biggest upsets people have with MaH is A) the villain being guessable and B) not solving Perdita's disappearance and sorta C/ B.2) it being a standalone. and imo for A, that's up to you to feel that way. imo cause choices is a visual form of content, it's kinda hard to have genuinely surprising "twist" villains cause the visuals already clue you into who done-did it unless they pull the twist straight out they ass(i feel this way about movies and shows too. the only way surprises genuinely get me is in books or podcasts, so non visual entertainment)

and B/C, i actually think NOT solving perdita's story AND making it a standalone was actually very mature of PB (first and possibly last time i'll ever say that in this day and age 💀). it's possible they might've made it their next teen drama series if they had the budget. But unfortunately it's honestly realistic. unfortunately a lot of women go missing and rarely do they get found alive and in a short amount of time (esp if you have as a bipoc mc/ perdita). it's an extremely tragic cookie crumble that unfortunately a lot of mysteries in our lives often take us our entire lives to solve and a lot of them we'll never solve in our lifetime. it's a great paradox / parallel to gabbie's death. it took us all of say 4/5 months (cause in the US, most schools go on winter break in late December) to solve with justice being fairly swift, fair, and harsh but unfortunately a lot of victims don't get their day for a long while, if ever. it's a healthy ying and yang of enjoying fictional justice but it being unrealistic with acknowledging the devastation of losing real victims while acknowledging those lost and their unsung stories that we should never completely give up on their days to come. (ofc however, i hc that perdita is still alive and uncovered corruption in the city and knew that making her family deal with legal repercussions would make their lives more difficult and be ostracized by the elites of Beachwood, so she just left and changed her identity. i like to think she did it also cause MC deserved to have a normal teenhood and not be ousted for her actions)

also i love the open and candid conversations around the treatment of queer children, bipoc mistreatment , misogyny, sa and grief. idk why but the ability to choose if you'd experienced homophobia/ transphobia based on your pronouns and who you've romanced, and tyler talking about thinking he was straight before meeting us (i had a masc body) idk why but i like that touch. i feel like PB kinda grazes over the aspect of being queer / trans and the concept of love, coming out, and society acceptance when your same sex romancing/ nonbinary so it's real shocking when they actually..idk address that thing😭. it's nice to have characters acknowledging their sexuality rather then just be automatically playersexual and everyone around them is just immediately accepting/ suddenly bigotry just seems to evaporate for mc's life/ society

also also, WE CAN BE POLY AND LIKE ITS CALLED POLY AND EVERYONE IS HAPPY AND THE LI WE DON'T CHOOSE AREN'T FORCED ONTO US/ GIVEN AS A OPTION

smaller things: i like the heavy usage of sound effects, idk why but i do. i like the flashbacks into mc's and perdita's relationship, the mix of free and paid clues that are non linear, STEVIE (yes she needs her own category)

overall: 9.2/10. i really like this book, it's going on my personal shelf next to the likes of crimes of passion (minus proposal...), Queen B, big sky country, blood bound, immortal desires 1, and with every heartbeat for my good book shelf

[altschmerzes]

just gonna say this though: i am profoundly disappointed and angry that ted lasso became just another show in a long line of shows that disregard and fail victims/survivors when writing narratives about child abuse.

what we saw at the end of that finale was supposed to be a montage of happy endings. everyone got what they wanted, what they needed, everyone was happy. but what they showed us was not jamie’s happy ending. it was his father’s.

because what we saw wasn’t an acknowledgement of anything that happened to him. (i would’ve had issues with this regardless, even if this had happened, but-) this was not a ‘let’s sit and laugh and smile and go through photos and reconcile’ that came after an acknowledgement, an apology, a validation of anything jamie went through. there was no recognition of what he suffered because of that man, no amends, nobody on this show ever once so much as used the word ‘abuse.’ once, one time, did one person refer to something that happened as ‘traumatizing.’ and it just falls in line with every other show out there who wrote a storyline about an abusive parent clearly approached from the point of view of a parent and not the point of view of someone who was victimized.

people can choose to reconcile with abusers for all sorts of reasons, and i get that. but jamie is not a human person making choices for complicated personal reasons. he is a character in a show being written by writers who are making choices, and none of those choices involved validating or even directly recognizing the profound harm caused by emotional, physical, and sexual abuse. in a montage of happy endings, that was not a happy ending for an abuse victim, when he was shown sitting happy and smiling and hanging out with his abuser, who never once took accountability for what he did, never mind the show allowing for the possibility that sometimes people CAN actually cause so much harm to others that they are not entitled to their victim’s time and forgiveness, and it may not be safe or healthy for them to give it. that was a happy ending for an abuser, who got what HE wanted, what made HIS life better.

i dont know why i hoped for better on this subject when this show has honestly consistently dropped the ball with recognizing and reckoning with the abuse it wrote, when literally every show seems to pull this shit. but im still, as an abuse survivor who loves this show, feel incredibly stung and hurt not only by what they pulled last episode but by what they added in there at the end of the finale. to anyone else out there feeling as hurt by that as i do, im so sorry. we deserve better from the people telling our stories, and we deserve versions of our stories that don’t prioritize Family Togetherness and Blanket Forgiveness Forever at the expense of the health, safety, and happiness of survivors.

[beautifulpersonpeach]

Bpp my love what do you think about people who bias hoseok (knowing hes one of your faves)

***

It’s a bit weird for me to answer this because then I’d also be talking about myself. But you asked, with an odd but sweet endearment attached, so I’ll try.

Deep down, we're all Type A bitches with a specific kind of kink. No point sugarcoating it. And Hoseok scratches that itch.

Whatever he is, we see it and we're mad for it. We’re all gaga for him and shameless about it.

I mean,

Holy Mary Mother of Christ that is a man who is serving cunt sweet and hot.

Not to be vulgar, it's just hard to talk about Hoseok, to think about the choices he’s made as an artist - the way he quietly supports the team with practical advise, the way he chooses when to use music or dance to communicate his point, the way he balances how severe he is in his beliefs and principles, with the emotional and physical needs and limitations of the team, his very palpable ambition as an artist and the skill he exhibits every time he gets in the booth or steps on a stage… It’s hard to talk about this man without wanting to bite my fist.

But one thing I do want to say before I lose the plot is I’m glad to see how healthy he looked at Yoongi's concert. He looked happy and content, alert and savvy, basically himself. And that made me happy. But with Hoseok, it's not like I really worried for him in the first place. You know? I think other Hoseok biases would agree or at least, know what I mean. Military service comes with specific challenges that I don't doubt he's capable of handling. Though it’s also possible he's not exposed to the most extreme risks, so that could be working in his favour as well.

When I think of Hoseok as a person, his conscientiousness is the first thing that grips my heart. It’s something Hoseok biases recognize instinctively I think. That man cares about the work he does. He cares so much about everything in his life, that sometimes I worry that he could burn out fast. But that care is also one reason he’s become one of the best in the field, at just 10 years into his career.

That care he puts into his work translates so beautifully into his music btw. As a quick experiment, I'd like you to listen to Dionysus.

(This is the extended version from Mama 2019)

What do you think? Have you heard anything that sounds exactly like that, anywhere? Have you ever heard a song that combines punk rock, synth-pop, and acid trap, to express the joy, anguish and momentary insanity an artist experiences when making the effort to create something worthwhile… a song that uses Dionysus - the God of fertility and wine, the patron of the arts, as the central lyrical motif. Do you notice the production choices in the pre-chorus and bridge?

Dionysus is easily one of the best made songs in all of k-pop. In my opinion. And it was made primarily by Jung Hoseok.

Hobi biases see that he’s the kind of person to care a lot. He takes constructive criticism seriously, he wants his craft to be assessed with no bias or favouritism. Just honest, raw, expressions and feedback, that’s one of his primary goals and you can see that in the lyrical and stylistic choices in Jack in the Box.

Hoseok biases see all that in him, and we cream our panties.

That’s the truth don’t lie.

This is going to sound so pretentious but it has be said because it’s true: Hoseok’s cerebral intensity, the way he loses himself inside his work, is such a turn on. I’ve said before that I can see why a lot of people in the fandom underestimate him or don’t really bother to look past the giggly, goofy, sweet and social media savvy Hobi cheerleading the members, but Hobi is the only member who could show up wielding a riding crop and I won’t laugh in his face.

Because we all know, he’d know exactly what to do with it, he’d enjoy pushing you to your limits because that is what he does himself, and that you’d enjoy it.

Hypothetically.

Anyway,

Another reason his conscientiousness matters to me, is because I recognize that for Hobi, the 'work' he loves includes his team. His love for his work boosts my confidence in BTS as a lasting unit. Because Hoseok cares too much about his work to risk losing them, simply because they are so connected to it.

It's so simple with him.

Taking it back to Hoseok biases, we like to act superior, like we're not also sluts for his visuals. We act like we appreciate him in a more holistic sense. But the fact is that we see him, and bark.

I'm just going to come out and say it. I'm proof. I barked. On reflex. I don't know how it happened exactly, but I saw this pic one Friday afternoon and the sound that left my mouth certainly wasn't human.

Generally and maybe hypothetically speaking here, toys are nice and all, but completely unnecessary when Hoseok exists and you’ve allowed yourself to be chosen by him. His music, his person, seeing him in his element is all it takes.

I mean…

The details… Sheesh.

*

Everything about Hoseok and his sense of style is a gag.

He’s just always, so Effortlessly himself.

*

….two fingers would be enough. Just saying. Two fingers would do the job.

*

He's too smooth for his own good.

*

Some people somehow forget this happened and well, now I'm reminding them. Look at him, really look at him... isn't he perfect?

*

This isn’t a hot pic but it’s one of my favourites of him. This is the only pic in this post from my top 30 Hobi pics. Enjoy.

*

When he does cute it's a very particular type of cute.

*

…

*

I miss Hobi.

This doesn't happen often, but sometimes I wish time didn't exist for a while and we could be in 2026 now. We'd get to see Hoseok 3.0 and my god will that be a sight. Their performances are already god-tier even in hiatus (thank God for those three encore concerts that showcased the active members in their element), so imagine how unrestrained they will be, how epic their performances will be then.

If there’s one thing I’m nearly certain about with BTS, it’s that the wait will always be worth it. And a big reason I can say that is because the team has Jung Hoseok.

I just hope Hobi biases can keep our shit together till then because heaven knows we’re…

You know.

Stream Jack in the Box, put an order in for your box set version if you haven’t gotten around to doing that yet, get yourself your caffeinated drug of choice (mine today is a flat white with whole milk. I’m not really an Americano gal), and enjoy Chapter 2.

[readychilledwine]

I think Y/Ns reaction was just underwhelming. I don’t agree with you saying people just don’t want a ‘mature response’ you can give a mature response while also expressing how hurt you are and how theres no chance between the two of you. I think it’s realistic to be upset and give someone a piece of your mind and it doesn’t make you immature. Especially if you were mated for 350 years. I’m not trying to be rude I just don’t agree with your statement which is why I even said something in the first place.

I'm struggling to find a single comment where something constructive like this was given in the first place. We'd be having a very different discussion if it had been. Comments like "that ending isn't it" or telling me I ruined my own one-shot versus something like this are two totally different people to deal with. I hope you can see that from my perspective.

This I can turn into a discussion and explain why I made the choice I made. The other things are rude and closed-minded, and comments like that tell me there's no maturity there for me to work with.

You are correct. A sound and stable person is able to have a heavy discussion of "what you did really sucks and there's no possibility of us ever getting back together in the future," I did not write a sound and stable reader. I wrote a reader who is going through PPD, and one of the big side effects of postpartum is what we loving call "mom rage." Reader was not in a healthy place to have that discussion with Azriel. That's why I don't have her acknowledge his apology. I have her changing the subject.

I also didn't have the reader explicitly telling him off because she is just learning he didn't even know about their child, and it would have gone against what she was wanting. She wrote to him, despite his cheating, wanting him to be involved in their child's life. Her priority is her baby, not her and Azriel's relationship. That's why I made sure to include the line that she knew there was a lot they'd need to talk about, and the line where she bluntly tells him they are coparenting, not back together.. We got a glimpse of his groveling, their talks, etc, not a full resolution. I apologize that was underwhelming, but it was about writing consistency. Reader's focus throughout that piece is her child. She was doing what she felt was best for her child. Not her or her feelings.

It also, to me, was the only way to write the fic while keeping the request in mind. I personally would not go back to my baby daddy if he cheated on me. I would, however, work on a relationship and forgiveness with him. The request wanted a full-on happy ending where they were together. I found a meeting in the middle ground situation.

[seal-berry]

the fionna and cake ending reminds me of this article

sorry but u show golbetty being capable of so much and simon literally was gonna thank her for eating him but nooo we have to get a "emotionally well adjusted grounded" end about taking your lumps and not having a chaos god wife. god forbid women do anything. also the double standard with marshall and gary's romance i was not fond of-- u are telling me in all possible universes marshall and gary are healthy enough to have a happy ending and simon and betty arent? Because thats what youre saying when you frame all of this in a multiverse story.

the plot selectively gives easy outs like golbetty being happy to pop fionna and cakes world out of his head miraculously but we cant have petrigrof because one time simon didnt get on a bus. golbetty shows fionna a dream that sets her straight-- oh yeah, magic WOULD suck! this example world that is much worse than the original f&c world has shown me the light!! dont worry fionna, the threat of losing the world you took for granted and up until now it was implied you were barely making ends meet in will show you that your fantasy and dream were Bad. But cake can stay magic, because thats a metaphor for self identity and not a metaphor for telling a 20-something to grow up! simon stands there and explains what he learned to the audience just in case u didnt Get the Message about Toxic Codependency tm. it was the perfect setup for a dramatic universe breaking love story but instead we get simon being put basically back where we thought he was before the first eps of fionna and cake revealed he wasnt doing well. and that whole show they didnt budget a single scene for simon and our marceline to like. talk. 10 20-plus-minute AT episodes-- what we have been asking for for years-- and in the whole set we get the convo in ep 2 and thats all.

anyways i didnt like the ending because a message that boils down to "suck it up, reality is good enough, dont throw it all away for your god gf again thats the best ending we prommy" is a real swing and a miss in year of our lord 2023. personally throwing it all away for a hot god gf is probably the most self care thing one could do.

thats the line the world of adventure time winds up drawing, that so many things are possible, but this isnt. idk it feels like a slap in the face to have a quick tropey gay romance threaded between a romance that has such a rich setup and history from season 5 get ripped apart from the second there was a "mistake" in their meet cute moment.

anyways sorry i just felt like it was a cheap ending that was very much up on its high horse when the issue that breaks up simon and betty was only really deliberately written in the past 4 episodes. of a romance arc that has lasted since season 5. if u really wanted to go there they couldve made different choices from episode 1 that wouldve left me agreeing that this is a good end, but right now it feels very unsatisfying.

the conclusion is just that betty had infinite power and decided she did not want simon by her side. sad and boring, just like real life!

[aihoshiino]

hi! what are your thoughts on the mothers in oshi no ko?

hello anon!! I sat on this one for a little bit because it really made me sit and go Hm to myself so sorry for the wait but i hope this is still shrimptresting to read.

that said I am going to uh immediately circumvent the actual text of this question to get more into the spirit of things so, whoops on that!

this question actually got me to think about motherhood as a theme in oshi no ko and i was kind of surprised to turn it over in my brain and realize just how prominent of a motif it is - which i guess is silly given that the first chapter/episode is called 'mother and children' and the whole series literally is called The Children Of The Girl Whomst I Stan but........................

i think it's interesting that Ai is not only a point of comparison for all the other girls in the entertainment industry as a sort of perfect ideal idol for everyone to live up to and aspire to emulate but she also sort of ends up being this same sort of symbol in terms of motherhood, too - which is pretty powerful to me when you consider that in just about every way imaginable, Ai was an incredible un-ideal mother. She was an abused child with no healthy parenting modelled for her, she was underage and a single mom and forced to keep her relationship with her kids a secret. She had deep, deep trauma that prevented her from connecting to them as fully as she wanted to.

But all that stuff is ultimately made almost irrelevant by the sheer force and purity of the love Ai had for her children. At every single step she made the right choices for them out of overflowing, overwhelming love and compassion and a desire to give them happiness and opportunities that she herself was not given.

In that sense, Ai is not just a point of comparison but also a condemnation. If you look around the rest of the cast, you'll notice again and again how the huge impact that mothers are shown to have on their children – and how neglectful or outright abusive mothers leave lasting scars on the children in their care. Ai was horrifically physically abused and later abandoned by her birth mother. Sarina suffered under a toxic mother who valued her own convenience and comfort over those of her terminally ill child and ultimately neglected and abandoned her. Gorou lost his mother in childbirth and never knew her and grew up with an implied to be strained relationship with his grandmother as a result. Kana was shopped around as a commodity by her mother, forcing her own desire for fame onto her daughter, only to be abused and later abandoned when she could not give her mother what she was asking for.

It's not just actively bad or neglectful mothers who have this sort of impact - we see through Memcho how a well-meaning and mutually loving parent-child relationship can be complicated by outside factors, forcing responsibilities and caretaking on the child that should not have been theirs to shoulder in such a way that Mem felt as though she had no choice but to abandon her own dreams and wants to prioritize said responsibilities. She puts on a brave face but this is obviously something that still causes her pain.

This is what I mean when I say Ai is a condemnation of sorts. Ai had just about every possible roadblock in her way to being a good mother, but she actively chose at every point she could up to her actual honest to god dying breaths to pour out love, to value and uplift her children in every way that she possibly could. This poses a sort of subtextual question-by-comparison to every mother in the series who fails to do the same: what's your excuse? If Ai could do this, why couldn't you?

Motherhood is hard as fuck, to be clear! Raising a child is back breaking, thankless, joyful work. The vast majority of abusive and toxic mothers do not actively decide to harm their children - but they do decide to make the choices that will cause harm and pain as collateral damage.

But again, that question: if someone with every imaginable hurdle in their way could make the right choices again and again and again, what's stopping everybody else?

[marshmallowprotection]

Hello, its me again telling the story of my beef with Cheritz for how they completely shoved Saeyoung's trauma under the rug.

It still feel angry and resentful that even in his own timeline his trauma and his mental condition was not addressed at. all.

Many of his decisions were not healthy for neither himself nor Saeran but it was bcs he didn't know any better. He knew he had to make a difficult decision and he did it.

As his mc we weren't allowed to do anything for him even when we could see how he clearly didn't care for himself.

Seeing Saeyoung doing everything alone all throughout Saeran's recovery was really hard for me. Perhaps because I relate to him so much, I could feel what he must've been going through. Always on an edge trying to make the correct decision so that nothing falls apart. Seeing Saeran in such a way must've been so unbearably hard for him but he had to stay strong for the both of them ignoring all the feelings of guilt, shame, anger, self loathing and so much more filling him to the brim. Making sure that Saeran is safe no matter what. Also completely ignoring his own health in the process.

Saeyoung should've had an arc dedicated to him at least starting to unlearn his trauma. I know it would've taken time but I didn't mind, they already addressed everyone else's trauma. They could've definitely gone another mile for him and involved mc too.

This is just something I always struggle with as a Saeyoung MC. Whenever I play any route or after ending or backstory or literally anything in the game. Nowhere is Saeyoung's trauma addressed and validated. It's implied but never addressed. Rather treated as a noble sacrifice on his part. Pain that he would happily take on for Saeran's wellbeing because he is just so selfless. But that is so wrong, there is so much guilt and trauma behind it and it feeds into his extreme paranoia making him unable to see that he is not only holding himself back from healing but Saeran as well.

I felt so useless throughout the whole sequence. I just wanted to be there for him in any way, be it bringing them something to eat or just sharing a simple phonecall with Saeyoung asking him how things are going, to let him talk about his feelings. But we were just made just spectators unable to do anything but see them.

I'm sorry for dumping this onto you, I saw your post about Saeyoung's parentification and had so many thoughts I wanted to share. I knew Saeyoung had deep rooted trauma that made him completely disregard himself and his needs but didn't have a word for it. You explained it perfectly. And I appreciate you for that. These aspects of him are hardly ever talked about so I was really happy you did.

So even if you might disagree with me on this, but I believe Saeyoung deserved to have an arc to unpack his trauma. Alas it's not possible anymore.

Thank you again Kait 🫶

I'm not a Saeyoung MC by any means, but that doesn't mean that I don't love him and want better for him. I love him like a brother and I have a hard time seeing him suffer over and over again when he has the ability to reach out and ask for help in his route and subsequent after ending.

I get why he does what he does, and I've had the time to understand him as a person to know why he made a lot of... well, reckless choices in the name of doing the right thing. He knows that sometimes, there is only one option, and it's taking the road that's just a little less worse in comparison to the other road you could take. That's just the way it works sometimes, and there isn't another way around it. But, in most situations where Saeyoung is suffering—

He could've gotten all the help in the world if he asked for it. He has trust issues and he's fraught with paranoia, but the RFA will not give up on him no matter what. If he asks for help, he'll get it. That's been proven countless times. But, it's his trauma that makes him deny the help every time. He doesn't want to help himself. He wants to help his baby brother. That's his reason for living.

But, he doesn't need to be selfless to the point where he suffers, and I wish—I wish so often—that Saeyoung could've been allowed to have a lot more agency over his trauma, as well as the ability to talk about it and confront it. He deserves love and to be helped the way he helps his family. He shouldn't deny it. He shouldn't run away from it. That's a huge narrative arc of his route and we all know it.

The Secret Ending could've done well to have added that to his MC. Something, anything, just a snapshot of MC trying to help him and him taking that help. Even if that help was as small as bringing him dinner to share with Saeran. It makes sense why he would be wary of MC being around Saeran or Saeran being around MC just on the off chance that it would be traumatic, I get his reasoning there and I'm sure many Saeyoung MCs don't blame him for that.

But, MC needed the ability to do something. That is probably one of my only pieces of blunt criticism when it comes to that. Saeyoung is someone who just promised to be honest, open, and clear with you about his feelings and identity. I'm not saying he shouldn't regress or struggle, because God knows he would fall into old habits, but where in the hell is the scene where Saeyoung has a goddamn meltdown in MC's arms because he is so tired of being strong?!

Something! Anything!

For the love of God, allow Saeyoung the opportunity to heal from his trauma in a healthy way, and grant him the chance to be vulnerable with the person he loves more than anything because that's what the Saeyoung MCs want! Saeyoung, you've been fighting long enough. I think it's time to rest. You don't need to be the only one who carries a burden on his back. Let's carry this fear, together.

[shini--chan]

What if platonic Yandere 1P Japan, 1P Germany, 1P China, and 1P France with a Colony obsession that wants their independence, And the Colony succeeds. Not to long after getting their independence they became a Global superpower. But not everything has a happy ending. Apparently after a while of the colony having their independence, the colony is now trapped in between America and Russia in a Cold war, and they have no other choice but to participate in it by force( in order to survive).

An interesting idea. Though, I’m not really including the idea of global superpower because that wouldn’t work by all these characters nor really with the setting of the Cold War. As it stands, neither the UdSSR or the USA tolerated each other, they were simply cordial with one another due to MAD, and even then… Trigger warning for war, and dehumanisation.

Yandere Hetalia – Old Masters

China

Screams filled the early morning hours along with the sickening smells of infection and death. The heat amplified the nauseating scents even more and caused the dead to rot faster. Yao wrinkled his nose as he passed wrapped up bodies as he strode to the back entrance of the medical tent. Brushing the flaps up, a small smile caused his lips to quirk – he had found exactly who he needed.

Calmly walking past screeching patients spilling blood and puss on linen and steel as medical personal worked on them, he approached the leader of the guerrilla army. Said man was watching all the happenings with a frustrated frown and his arms crossed over his chest.

“It doesn’t get any better”, the personification remarked with annoyance. Upon hearing him, the human whipped around and scrutinized him. Of course, them had been formally introduced to each other when China had first arrived to the camp, you elaborating the nature and identity of your former master with an achingly stuff smile.

“Of course. And what would be the reason of your visit?”, the human said carefully, unused to being polite and unused to conversing somebody he had to be utterly diplomatic with. The setup had nearly caused Yao to laugh boisterously the first evening. Of course, you had to pick one of the less tactless and astute humans to lead you. Again, this proved that you weren’t fit to rule yourself.

“I came to talk to you about the personification that you’re fighting for”, he said as calmly as possible. As much as he detested it, he spoke directly – these barbarians had little idea of subterfuge, of hidden meanings and reading between the lines.

The leader turned his head to the far corner and Yao followed his gaze. You were operating on a soldier, bone-saw in your hand as you amputated a leg just below the knee in order to separate a mangled foot from healthy flesh. Sweat was shining on your brow and blood splattered down his front. Yao was not surprised, after all, you had always been a bit …messy. The old personification remembered well finding a snappish little thing not far from here, flinching into a defensive stance and holding up a dagger made of ill-forged iron. Not that it had helped you then.

“If you have come to criticise my country for the conduct displayed in this crises, then I’ll have you know…”, the rough man started, only to trail off when he caught the amused stare of the other conversationalist. China saw those thick brows furrow and before the human could throw words of vitriol at him, he replied in a smooth, slow tone:

“Your country is torn between the Westerners and the Soviets. I come to offer an alternative to those two options.”

The mortal caught on quickly to what he meant; he would give the man that.”

“We have already suffered under your rule. Why should we accept your “help” again? Even to this day you claim that we only have our culture due to you!”

China resisted the urge to roll his eyes. Always these foreigners being oh so clever. There were a few good reasons that he was the oldest of all countries and that it had been him that had graced the world with so many essential inventions – dumb luck wasn’t one of them.

“Of course, you are right when you imply that I’m not here due to pure generosity. Though, with everything considered, what do you want to choose? The wolves at your door or the king on the hill? I assure you that neither Ivan or Alfred will be so considerate. Under the keen eye of America, your nation will lose sovereignty and become a cash cow to him. Under Russia, y/n will just be another buffer zone the boy will use for protection.”

“And under you?”, the man asked cautiously. He was interested now, weighing his options. Good, because with your mortal advocating for him, there would be precious little you could do against him. Then, with the framework settled, he could whittle away at your self-consciousness and bring you back under his influence.

“Partners with mutual interest. Tit for tat if you will”, he answered with a light smile.

China would come to you when you would be stuck between Ivan and Alfred, are the devil and the deep blue sea. As gracious as he is, he would offer you a third option. Silver tongued as he is, he would point out that if you would except either offer, that you would just end up as a vassal, forced to bow to the political philosophy of the side you would choose.

Of course, having had to live by his whims and interests for centuries, of course you would be suspicious of him. You could end up subjugated by him again! Yet he would be quick to point out that due to the revolution, that he has cast aside his millennia old ideas of imperialism and that he isn’t the same person as before.

While it would be true that he had changed, there would be one thing that would change to your detriment – he wouldn’t be so obvious in his methods of isolating you. Indeed, by forsaking both Ivan and Alfred on his advise, you would be doing much of the isolating on yourself. Other than that, he would manipulate your leaders into pushing you closer to him.

France

„And you are here for?“, you asked sharply as he sat down next to you on the old stone wall. As per usual since gaining your independence, you at first only deigned to giving him a weary side glance to your old master. You felt some Schadenfreude upon noting that he was still shallow, cheeks hollow and how his skin was tight around the wrists – he was still recovering from the last war.

“Good day to you too”, he said, chucking lightly as if you were just an insolent child. A century ago, you would have made sure that his back was turned before rolling your eyes. Now that any more, and you made sure to make it as obvious as possible. After all that he had done to you, you thought he deserved it.

“Somebody seems to have gotten out of the wrong side of bed this morning”, he remarked. He wasn’t even looking at you, opting to rather to gaze out at the beach head and the early morning sun rising above the waves. You were quite surprised that he hadn’t yet complained out the sea breeze tousling his locks, or the rough, uneven surface of the wall. Normally, he was so unbearable prissy. Though, you guessed he was “enduring” all of this because he wanted something from you.

“Thank you for informing me. I was beginning to wonder how you managed to wind up in this “backwater”. Perhaps you’ll stay in Paris if you get out of the right side of the bed in the future, eh?”

“I have come to help you.”

“Considering what your help has been the last two centuries, I’ll gladly do without it.”

“And you claim that you’ve mastered the art of hospitality!”, he hissed, now fully turning to you. “I’ve come here as a guest to offer by assistance on pressing matters.”

Rage making your blood hot, you turned to face him as well, speaking low and soft: “And I don’t recall having invited you. Not to mention that I told you to keep your distance the last time you came to me.

“Besides, need I remind you what your famed assistance did in the past centuries? Once I was a kingdom following the word of Muhammed, with regal courts filled with ivory and gold and mother-of-pearl. Then you came along, with all your smooth words to turn my people against each other, to encourage strife with my neighbours. You came to me while I was cloaked in riches and left me in rags”, you seethed.

It is true; once you had power in the palm of your hand, now the power you could touch was but a memory. You were a shadow of what you once were and you blamed him for it. Which was why you indented to keep him at an arm’s length at the minimum, an ocean apart ideally. Though you recognised that you couldn’t have everything you desired.

He is still for a few awkward moments. You take the time to divert your gaze back to the sea, reassured that despite the ire he was undoubtedly stewing in, that he wouldn’t dare slap you. Seeing that you had wanted to bluntly rub his misdeeds in his face for so, so long, finally being able to do so was cathartic – your heart felt a bit lighter.

“If that is the case then everything should be wonderful now that you are no longer a colony. How is your new-found sovereignty working out for you”, he fired back in mock-kindness once he regained the power of speech. His words made you curl your hands to fists as bitter notions rose from where you had buried them.

The overjoy of independence had been short-lived – once the initial euphoria had departed, the tragic reality had introduced itself. Since your people had had no power for centuries, they didn’t know how to govern themselves now. And in this new, strange world that had emerged after the globe had gone up in flames for the second time in a century, so many of the old rules and power structures were invalid. Different fractions were wrestling for power, trying to govern the country with the weak grasp and little knowledge they had. In the midst of all it, there were also outsiders presenting themselves as willing “teachers”.

“That is not the point of your visit. Why don’t you finally tell me why you are here”, you softly inquired. It is all you could do aside from throwing all caution in the wind.

“The matter with our dear America and our beloved Russia. Who have you chosen?”, he finally revelled what he wanted to talk about all along.

So that was what he wished to discuss! Although it would be illogical for him to haunt you for the sake of haunting you, you wouldn’t put it past him, considering his possessive attitude towards you in the past. It was a dark sort of relief that he actually had a relevant reason to be here.

“Not dear or beloved to me. It is you that flirted and flattered both of them in the past to achieve your ends.”

“I’ve heard the contrary. Though, I have gotten contradictory information from what it seems – my sources can’t make up their mind on who you are courting. So tell me, Russia or America?”

This time, you managed a coy smile. How incredibly narrow-minded Europeans could be!

“There seems to be a few misunderstandings afoot. I’m simply being a good host to potential investors. After all, as you have pointed out, I do pride myself for my hospitality”, you playfully say. Being a notch cleverer to him did put you in a good mood.

You could feel his eyes on you, looking you up and down as he tried to decipher the exact meaning your your words.

“So you are undecided?”

“No, I’ve simply decided that I can play both of them to my advantage. Both of them are so convinced that they are so powerful and clever that they don’t really consider that a small, run-down country like me could manipulate they for my own gains.”

Having been under the colonial thumb of France for a few centuries, you would be very weary of any supposed “help” he would offer, especially considering what said help did to you in the past. Francis would be semi-aware of this, and would try to appeal to you by being one of the lesser evils of the great powers. Additionally, he would try to convince you that the war changed him and since he isn’t the same person as he was before, you should give him a chance. Besides that, he would play on your “cultural ties” and his pre-existing knowledge of you.

When you would reveal that you planing or that you are already manipulating the two superpowers of the world to your own ends, he would try his best to sabotage your efforts, to varying degrees of success. His goal would be to isolate you and force you to come back to him.

Germany

„Oh, how the mighty have fallen“, an all to familiar voice said behind him. Ludwig flinched, hand absent-mindedly twitching to his belt, wanting to reach for his gun – but there was no gun. There was no gun and the war was over and he had lost. In the back of his head, he could hear America’s voice chiding him for his perchance for violence.

He twisted around on the park bench, and saw that it was you. You, his former colony, who was now looking at him with a mixture of sadistic fascination and disgust. A part of him, the one that was still enamoured with military discipline and the smells of hot steel and gun powder, wanted to snap at you for seeing him as anything less than your salvation, yet he stopped.

“What do you wanted from me”, he asked. Germany had had wanted to say something else, something that didn’t sound so pitiful. But what? After everything that had happened, he was still trying to find the golden middle of not sounding angry and imperial and not sounding like a spineless worm either. It was difficult as it was, especially considering that he had never been gifted with social graces, not like Austria or France or Italy were.

You rounded the bench, his eyes following you, mesmerised. Perhaps his memory was unreliable, but now you were somehow more beautiful than he remembered. Given, it had been over 20 years since he had last seen you, and that last time had been during a League of Nations meeting, with you being elusive and him still coming down from whatever fantasy concoction he had downed last night.

The sight of you made his heart burn with longing and guilt.

“I haven’t come to Europe for you, if that is what you mean. Recently, I was in England to finalise my independence. And to see if I could retrieve some of my artefacts from the British Museum. As for you – I thought I would pop by and gloat a bit”, you told him. You didn’t bother sitting down – you rather liked being able to loom over him at the moment.

Gritting his teeth, he buried the feelings of inadequacy that rose up in him.

“So the same as everybody else”.

“Yes, exactly. While I did know that you have always been a barbarian, sticking my people in zoos to be oogled at, I can’t deny that I am shocked at the extent you went. No wonder everybody hates you now.”

Your words hit a particularly sore spot. There were France and Britain that viewed him as yet another ticking time bomb, revanchist tendencies just lurking beneath the surface, waiting for more fuel. There was the sneering of the Soviets, whispers of genocidal maniac behind his back. There was the cursing and swears his brother had hurdled at him the last time they saw each other, face disappearing as Gilbert built a high wall to block him out. Austria had taken to cheering when he lost at sport events and the usual insults that Ludwig would only comprehend hours, at times even days, later.

“Since I am so lonely, why don’t you demonstrate your moral goodness and be my company”, he probed carefully. At this point in time, he felt so weak and raw and undone. He was probably a fool for trying get you, however that didn’t mean he wouldn’t try. You were opium to his frazzled nerves. In private, he had blamed you for his aggressive tendencies for years.

“Missing America’s hand around your throat already?” The implications were clear to him – France had already decried him Alfred’s plaything.

“I’d much rather have my hand around your throat”, it slipped out of him before he could catch his words. As soon as the gravitas of his own statement sunk in, he buried his face in his hands. It was true, it was the pure truth yet he had eternally people at his side, saying that the truth was frowned upon. Well not quite – the truth had been frowned upon during the regime, had been branded as lies except when it had been more useful than the tall tales Göbbels had loved to spin. Nowadays it was a matter of the correct framing.

With WWII being over, he would want to be his more than ever. In a way, he would need to feel whole again – through a mixture of affection and having power over you. Due to that, when and should you appear in his life again, he would try his best to win you over. Yet since he would have a rotten reputation after the war and his social skills would only improve marginally, he would have difficulties.

The events as WWII and afterwards, he would be revising his personality and be constantly second guessing himself. Nevertheless, there would still be moments when his true self would peak out and give you a hard time.

Japan

He was visibly uncomfortable with this whole ordeal. To an outsider, that didn’t know the personification of Japan, all the cues would have gone unnoticed, but not to you. No, you were all to familiar with him, more familiar than you wanted to be. It was in the way he was gripping his bag of sweets too tightly, in the manner he pressed his knees firmly together.

“And that is why you were at the festival. To simply enjoy my culture?”, you interrogated him. It would have been an interrogation, if you weren’t sitting opposite each other in an empty park at midnight and he wasn’t wearing cat ears for some reason. It did fit the theme of the celebration, yet it absolutely didn’t fit him, in your honest and humble opinion. You were used to seeing him in imperial regalia, stern and unforgiving as he bled you dry and then claimed to be your salvation.

“Is there something wrong with me admiring you?”, he asked tentatively, as if he had forgotten everything he had done onto you. You for one, had little doubt why he has here – because he wanted to have you again. It was true that he liked you, some parts of you that was; the ones that he approved of. The other – your distaste for him, the morals that you held that didn’t overlap with his, those there supposed to be burned out. Centuries past, he had often taken that too literally.

“You’re saying that to a nation that you had had as a colony for decades.”

“You had your own sovereignty.”

“What difference is there between a puppet state and a colony, other than the illusion of freedom?”, you questioned harshly. Blood was pumping fast and hot and now you could feel your heart beat in your ears. All he had done to you – the gilded cage and the backhanded compliments, the medical experiments and live target practises – it made you want to punch him. Sadly, America had gotten him first. Kiku had been clever to surrender to just one nation rather than allowing himself to be torn apart like Germany had been, or Korea in the aftermath. Personally, you hoped to avoid either such a fate, in this new, strange world.

“I distaste such a subject, though if you insist, I’ll humour you – I was just doing what I thought was best for you. Much woe could have been avoided if you had decided to be my ally like Thailand did. As you know, I loved you very much, I still do, and I didn’t want to force you to comply to my will.”

“Tell yourself that so that you can sleep well at night. Deep down both you and I know that none of the punishments and scoldings and executions had been needed – you just enjoyed that because you loved keeping me on a short leash”, you replied icily, anger restrained and measured. It was the one useful thing that you had learned from him – to avoid emotional outbursts.

“And you would have been better in my stead? Must I remind you how you subjugated your own neighbours. This moralising isn’t typical of you, why not leave it to the masters of the subject – Alfred and Ivan.

“On that note, have they both been rubbing off on you? If that is the case, it would explain a lot. Though for your sake I hope you aren’t aiming to play both of them against each other – they would turn you to ash just for their little power games.”

Kiku would take an approach reminiscent of Yao in way. In some way, he would be trying to appeal to your emotions – the scrapes of affection and toxic dependence that you felt towards him in the past and the revulsion you would feel to becoming a vassal of either superpower. On the other hand, he would try to appeal to your logic, pointing out that neither of them would have your best interests at heart and your would be safer seeking sanctuary with the devil that you know rather than the devil that you don’t know. Meanwhile, he would try to be as polite and cordial as possible.

Alas, though – at times he would be impatient and allow his emotions to get the better of him. His pride would step him or he would just want to put you in your place. While he would have far less power than he had when he was an empire, who knows how long that would last. He might convince Alfred to leave you in his care, so that the superpower would have his hands free to court more important nations.

[yallemagne]

Elizabeth's letter... aehhhh.

The meaning is like one of two options. Not really, because for all I know, Shelley intended for us to see Victor and Elizabeth as a blissful and healthy relationship simply occurring at the wrong time. Or any other possibility. Why else would a later version of Frankenstein go with a less blood-related but not necessarily less incestuous setup for their pairing? To make it more palatable somehow.

That aside, I have two readings for Elizabeth's letter: she is trying to grant herself an out by seeing if Victor shares her familial feelings rather than having romantic inclinations towards her, or Papa Frankenstein forced her to write this letter so as to guilt Victor into making a decision (most likely the decision to marry).

The first one is self-explanatory. Even if she says she does love him and wants to be married if it is his choice, it feels like that is just a measure she's taken to not offend Victor if he does want to marry or if he, at the very least, takes solace in being desired by someone. Even if he doesn't want her, his ego could be wounded if she confessed to not wanting him either, which, we can't have that! She can't outright break off the engagement herself, but she can test the waters and hope that Victor sees her as a sister and that she can likewise find someone else as she assumes he may have.

The second is more convoluted, but holy shit her letter is verbatim what Alphonse said to Victor before. Either she's been given a script, Alphonse was originally voicing concerns that Elizabeth voiced to him (you'd think he'd mention tho), or Shelley didn't care to give Elizabeth concerns of her own and recycled Alphonse's. Even if Alphonse had mentioned his suspicion to Elizabeth without the intent to influence her to write this letter... it would have compelled her to address the issue herself. It's just strange they both have the exact same idea of "Victor might see Elizabeth as a sister AND he's probably hooked up with some other chick and is depressed to leave her". And both of them say "hey, it's absolutely fine if you don't want to get married to your cousin. it is sorta weird to haha. but it would make everyone really happy in this really troubling time if you just got married anyway".

I think that the most likely answer though is the most boring for Elizabeth's character. And that is that every word of the letter is genuine and from her. "I really want to marry you, cousin, but I'm totally chill if you've been cheating on me this whole time and wish to drop me for another woman with very little warning. I only exist to please you, after all."

No matter what Elizabeth's intent is, Victor seems to have made the decision to marry her merely to hasten the coming of his own death. Whether or not he does want to do well by her, he's using her as a tool for his own destruction.

[tetrakys]

MCL Alternate Life review

Now that the three 4-episodes routes have been fully released, I’m ready to spend some final words on AL in general and the three boys specifically.

Plot

The plot is quite simple: AL was created to mostly address the break up, it is the canonical ending to Lysander, Kentin and Armin’s routes (while UL and LL are the canon continuation of Cas’ and Nath’s routes). The general plot is meeting your old boyfriend again, reconnect, solidify the relationship and resolve the long-distance issue. Quite simple, it’s the con of having only 4 episodes, but it does its job well, for years we asked for something that would fix the break up and we got it. Also I liked that the main structure was the same for all three boys, it provides a sense of continuity and a main theme for the season.

System

Same as the other seasons, 2AP x line of dialogue, however there is one main difference. Episodes 2 and 3 have choices which lead to different illustrations and scenes, meaning that they should be replayed twice if all illus with the crush want to be obtained. I personally quite like this system because the episodes are short and cheap, rarely over 1000 AP and this gives me a reason to play twice and extend my gaming experience. Plus replaying doesn’t bore me since the scenes are different as well so it’s almost like having two episodes in one.

The Art

I’m generally always happy about the quality of MCL’s illustrations, and I think AL keeps up with the high standard. As a con, I’d say that the poses might be a bit repetitive, hugging and kissing tend to be quite similar among the three routes, but other than that I’m happy. Backgrounds and sprites are also very good imo, but I’ll get to that soon.

Now, a closer look at the three:

Lysander

My Victorian prince was perfect as a teen and remained perfect in adulthood. Personally I think he looks even more beautiful, if possible, and his personality didn’t change at all, only slightly more mature due to being an adult with adult responsibilities. If on one hand this means that we got exactly what we lost 4 years ago, it also means that he’s the crush that remained the most static, didn’t have a real evolution like all the others did. Like a fae prince who remained frozen in time. It might make his journey a bit less interesting that’s true, but on the other hand can you improve perfection? I don’t think so.

In fact he’s the only crush we didn’t break up with. At first I was a bit surprised “for sure it must be Kentin the one we don’t break up with, right?” but afterward it made so much sense. His AL is one of rediscovery of someone who we never really lost, and despite me not liking farm life it makes perfect sense for him and Candy to have ended up there. His story is soothing, and calm, just like him. Finding him again is like feeling you finally found your place and your home.

Kentin

Kentin grew up a lot since high school. Not only physically as he got taller and bulkier (and hotter) but also mentally. When we meet him again we find someone who has completed a personal journey, a new person who knows his worth and who they are. These years spent travelling the world alone made him grew up and now he’s able to love Candy in a healthy way because he can also love himself. 

His AL is one of getting to know the new mature person he’s become but also finding out that what really matters, his feelings and good heart, are always the same. Its route is full fluff with 5 minutes of drama which only serve to learn how different being with him is going to be now but also how his love didn’t change. His story is about personal growth and the work you have to put on yourself before being able to be in a relationship. 

Armin

Armin is still the same jokester as before, but he’s not a boy anymore, it’s clear that the break up made him grow up as well. His new looks are similar to what he used to wear before (without Alexy’s terrible involvement), I’m not a big fan of the yellow but it compensate with the haircut which imo makes so much more sense than that octopus-looking one he had before. I also love that he kept a smirking teasing expression which is so him. 

His route, while remains similar to the other two in its basic structure, is completely different in the sense that while he did grow up and became more mature, his story isn’t as much as getting to know him while getting to know who Candy and him are together and if they can build something solid and long-lasting. With Lys and Kentin we get a finished product, with Armin we get a work in progress, that makes his route more eventful and dynamic. We start with a fight in episode 1, get a whole journey and end with a final declaration which address all the issues and uncertainties. We see both Candy and Armin grow during the story. 

Personal considerations

I think all 3 routes are really well done so preference becomes a matter of personal taste. On my side, Armin’s is above the other two for the simple fact that I enjoy the drama and the enemies-to-lovers vibe. I also love Candy in this route, and the teasing relationship the both have. I loved following their journey, for me this route is pretty much perfect and I can only hope Beemoov keeps up this amazing writing. 

The other two routes are also really great. Kentin’s route is perfect for people who like fluff above all and just want to live a sweet love story. Lys’ is for people who want to play something soothing and with a more fairy tail vibe. 

I’m happy we finally got a happy ending with the three of them and these endings make so much sense: with Lys we could only join him in his farm life, not my thing as I said, but I never saw Lys as someone who could enjoy the rockstar lifestyle, his choices don’t have to work for me, they have to work for him and I’m happy they do. With Kentin it wouldn’t have felt right if he gave up his lifestyle and stayed in town for us, it would’ve been a complete step back from his personal journey to see him give up everything and chase Candy once again, so I’m happy it’s Candy the one joining him this time. And with Armin, with all the times Candy was the one to follow him in his passions and hobbies (plus the whole long-distance and Disney debacle) it had to end with him staying, and I’m so glad it did.

So now that we got our happy endings, what’s left?

I guess we’ll see 😏

[novankenn]

Unnatural (v2-6)

(Chapter List)

MATURE CONTENT WARNING : This story deals with some disturbing themes. Check the tags. IF any of these are triggers for you or will disturb you... then DO NOT READ!!

Terra’s hands shook as she held the note and then reached over to pick up the ring. She stood there, tears slowly rolling down her cheeks, as the reality that Saphron had just walked out of her life. But yet the image of that girl standing in Jaune’s room splattered with blood kept reemerging. Saphron called the girl, Jaune, but that couldn’t be possible… could it?

“What is going on?” Terra whispered to herself, as she continued to stand there holding the ring and note.

“Mom cried herself to sleep, because of her choice” came a very feminine and sinister voice from behind Terra.

“Who’s there!” Terra shouted as she whipped around, her eyes darting about the darkened room. When a red-headed girl emerged from the shadows, Terra shrank back in fear.

“It’s me.” the figure replied. “I’ve come to talk. Mom doesn’t know I’m here.”

“Why?”

“Like I said. I’ve come to talk.”

“Who are you?”

“In this form, you could call me Annabel, but I am Jaune as well.”

“I… I don’t understand. How?”

“It is not important.” Annabel replied. “What is important is mother’s happiness. You make her happy, and because of me she is now miserable. I want to fix that.”

“What are you?”

“Something you wouldn’t understand, but for simplicity’s sake, I am a demonic entity that has merged with Jaune. I saved his life, and gave him back to his mother, and as such she has permitted me to merge with her son.”

“That’s… that’s insane!” Terra shouted. “I’m calling the…”

“You will sit and listen.” Annabel commented after crossing the entirety of the apartment in the blink of an eye. “You have a decision to make, but you can’t without some information, and some guarantees from me. So sit.”

The tone of Jaune’s voice, if that who she was really speaking to, compelled Terra to take a seat on the couch. The figure that was calling herself Annabel to a seat on the coffee table before her.

“Now, I know you have questions, and hopefully what I am about to tell you will answer them.” Annabel spoke, “You already know of Jaune’s parentage, so there is no need to go over that again. However, what you didn’t know was that for the first eight years of his life he was in and out of the Pediatric Intensive Care Unit in Vale… he has faced death many, many times.”

“When he was too weak to continue living, I slaved him. I healed his frail body, made him strong and healthy.” Annabel never broke eye contact as she spoke. “I would have consumed him, had his mother not accepted a deal. She blessed our union with a Mother’s Kiss, and so we merged.”

“Merged?” Terra asked, even though there were so many more questions rolling about in her mind, that was the only one she was able to voice.

“Instead of a prolonged conflict of wills, which he would have eventually lost, we combined. We share his body, we exist in equilibrium.” Annabel took a deep breath, before continuing, “But I require… sustenance of a specific type… the corruption that dwells in the hearts of the perverse.”

“So we hunt. We track down those that prey and hurt on the innocently pure.”

“Children?”

“Yes. We remove those that were like Jaune’s and Saphron’s father… and your ex-fiancée.”

“What?”

“We know, we can smell the pain of loss upon you. You were once with child… and his beatings caused you to miscarry… you lost your daughter.”

“How?” Terr’a choked when the end of Annabel’s statement registered, “I was going to have a daughter?”

“I can punish him, make him pay for what he did… but I require you to make my mother happy… to cherish her as much as she cherishes you…”

“I… can’t…”

“You take care of mother, we will take care of your ex, and then leave.”

“Leave? What?”

“Mother has sacrificed so much for us… it is time we repay it. Go to mother, embrace her, bring her home, and we will leave, giving you peace to live your lives without the worry of our… activities.”

“And my ex?” Terra’s voice wavered as she asked.

“He will die… as is proper for filth such as him.”

“I…”

“His fate is not your concern.” Annabel stated flatly. “Mother needs you.”

[comedi-anne]

You need not apologize for your Incest Cannibal Aneurysm imo, you can do whatever you want forever and also it made me happy to see posts about it without having to go into the tags lol ~Lilac/degrees-of-fuck

Thank you for permission to do whatever I want to do forever! I will do just that! <3

In all seriousness, I LOVE this game. The ONLY bad thing about it is that it's early access and therefore not complete, so I can't speedrun the damn thing. That and it'd be nice to have a gallery with all the CGs we've unlocked.

Sorry to out myself as a sick freak, if the DOL PC didn't reveal that already, but I love incest as a trope in horror (and other generes.... ;;;;). Because BOTH Andy and Leyley are horrible people, just in different ways, and they're so toxically codependent on each other.

No matter how much Andy protests, and as bitchy as she sounds when she brings it up, Andy DID choose to lock that girl in the box. Andy is the elder sibling, and as we find out in chapter 2, basically tasked with raising Leyley. He should have more power in their dynamic, and he mentions again and again that no matter how much he listens to her, she'll always throw a tantrum later on. Because he's basically taught her that if she does throw a tantrum, she'll get her way. I'm sure there might have been something wrong with her even as an infant. Some people just have brain chemistry that makes them difficult, but Andy absolutely contributed to the monster his sister became by giving her such power over him. He can blame it on her being annoying, but at the end of the day he is the one making the choice to listen to that annoyance.

And he was SUPER hesitant to try and make Ashely be more independent when his girlfriend brought it up. He doesn't want her to be independent anymore than she wants to be independent. As sick as it is, they both NEED each other.

That's what makes the incest dynamic so interesting. They share an unbreakable bond. No matter what, no matter how much they hate each other, no matter how much they love each other, they will ALWAYS be family. It's the appeal of never being able to be abandoned, of always having a connection to someone, of never being truly and completely alone.

I also think it's about understanding. They're both so incredibly fucked up, and the only person who could possibly understand them is the person who went through the same fucked up shit that made them into what they are today. People don't understand trauma they haven't experienced. There is just a fundamental disconnect between what people experience and what can be explained to someone else. It's the mortifying ordeal of being known, but it's not mortifying with them, because you know them too. You know each other, and no one could know you like they could and vice versa.

It's also about the cruelty of fate. The one person who can understand you, the one person who'll never abandon you, is the one person you can't entirely have. What makes your bond unbreakable is what makes the fruit just out of reach. It's having 90% of a person and NEVER being able to that that 10%. What makes them perfect for you is what makes them impossible for you.

The Coffin of Andy and Leyley is just such a fascinating game into the psychology of these two really fucked up, unfortunate characters. Life was so cruel to them. They had to seek comfort in each other, but hurt people hurt people, and they're locked in this constant cycle of being each other's only good thing in life and not having the mental/emotional maturity to actually fix anything that's wrong with them. They can't help each other, only soothe. But there's love there. There's so much love, and it's sad that love can't be healthy or accepted or even in some ways good for either of them! But there's love... It's important that there's love.

Thank you @degrees-of-fuck for letting me talk about the incest cannibal game!! <3 <3 <3