#the only thing boston needs to do is keep being honest with the people he fucks

[lugarn]

so i was alive and queer in the 90s, i remember the homophobia du jour. it often went like this, "we don't mind if you're gay, but you can't expect us to tolerate you having sex or being in love."

harsh, right? but it was just how things were.

only friends' position is remarkably similar. everyone accepts that boston isn't going to change, but they make it clear that he can't expect to ever be happy as long as he chooses to be himself. you could say that it's about nonmonogamy, but gay men who are promiscuous have a long history of being told they don't deserve to have sex or be in love.

this too is homophobia, y'all. there's so many ways to fuck the same gender in the year of our lord 2023, and a show that suggests that a character must stop fucking in order to be loved is homophobic.

[muneca-lemon-steppa]

HCs of Alfie with a younger wife? Like in her mid 20s 💕

Hello my darling!!! I’m sorry this took forever! But I am back!!! Please enjoy this little nugget. Also y’all HCs are so fun!!!! Maybe I should do more.

He wasn’t planning on marrying a younger woman. Let’s be honest he wasn’t planning on getting married PERIOD.

But then you blustered in…

You came in. Full of wisdom so far beyond your age. Full of confidence that came from the knowledge that you were the best you you could be. Full of light that he thought would flee from a man like him.

He immediately was drawn to you. Your soothing voice that brought down his rage, which so quickly could come full force against him when he got too brash and foolish, reminding him that there’s no need to destroy what was not yet broken.

Despite the incurable draw to you, he said he would stay away. Be respectful. Be a respectful old man.

You would have none of it. Because truthfully he wasn’t that old. He was just snippy and preferred his habits. He hadn’t been a young man ever since the war. Regardless what his birth certificate said.

In truth it didn’t take too much to get him to relent. He’s just a man in front of a beautifully infuriating woman. And after a screaming match ending with you laughing at his reddening ears and hoarse voice, he let himself finally say it, “Right then. Now only my woman gets to screech at me like you do. So I’ll see you tomorrow night? Take you to the pictures and maybe dinner?”

And soon enough he asked for your hand, rumors and shaking heads be damned. He needed you more than air, and for some reason you loved him just as much.

Alfie expected his life would change once you were moved into his home. Was only natural. But he didn’t expect to change THIS much.

Or that he would like it. That he would feel like a chasm he didn’t realize he had was finally sealed up and healed with the first morning he woke up to you next to him.

Younger yes. Unorganized you were not. And very quickly upon your arrival did you see the bachelor pad state and work your magic to rectify. To turn this dragon’s cave into an actual home. Curtains and windows finally opened to let in fresh air. Ledgers and letters were filed away. The garden in the back finally being tended to to indicate actual humans lived and loved on the premises.

Remember that Alfie has been a bachelor the majority of his life. Any pretty women which came into his life were quickly shoo’d away. So to say he was puzzled by your… womanly… tools?? Weapons??… was putting it lightly.

“My dove now what the fuck are these? They look like tiny dinner rolls.”

“They’re rollers Alfie! For my hair! Gives it the wave.”

“Right right hair wave rollers yes of course. Now what about these… powders and things?”

“My rouge and lipstick darling.”

He didn’t get it at all.

Though Alfie is partial to opera and the absolute classics, he adores the new music you bring home. His family in Boston adore you immensely and have taken to mailing you the newest records in America.

If you’re extra sweet, you can usually coax him to dance with you, spinning yourself around him in a tizzy. By the end of your evenings he’s drunk without even a single sip of rum.

He’s never been so happy. So care free. But there is this nagging feeling in his stomach. One that won’t go away. That maybe you’re not truly happy. That you’re secretly wishing to be back out with the young people. To go out dancing in pretty dresses instead of in the living room in your dressing gown. To be fawned over in illustrious restaurants instead of cooking dinner together most nights. Had he robbed you of your youth simply because he’s selfish?

He never tells you this. No being a man means keeping your feelings inside and not letting your woman see you less than perfectly confident. (His words not mine)

But you read him so easily. It’s easy when you love someone so completely. Especially if your lover gets the deepest scowl on his face when he’s troubled, staring deep into space.

When you finally coax him out of him, he merely grumbled like a shifting mountain, trying to brush it off.

But oh how he wished he told you sooner. You assure him that you never really enjoyed the clubs and high society outings. You much preferred to stay home with your friends and other loved ones. What could possibly be out there that could even come close to what you have in the house.

When you do manage to get out of the house, either to the cinema, walking Cyril, venturing out for dinner, or because you insisted that walking is good for him, he is fully aware of the stares.

Some are… disapproving. As much as they can be towards the King of Camden. But the ones he is most irritated by are the love sick stares of the young men who trail after you. Clearly covetous and stupid enough to be blind to the beast that walks close beside you.

He is shocked you don’t notice. When he brings it up to you, you merely laugh, “Why would I be noticing men staring? The only man I’m concerned with is you.”

That comment makes him smirk wickedly, grasping firmly to your waist as you laughed brightly, swatting his chest playfully when he growls in your ear.

For all your ferocity and fiery eyes, Alfie still dotes on you and frets over you. Little presents are common. He insists on you bundling at the slightest drop of temperature or precipitation. And begrudgingly “permits” you to attend to errands on your own (you and everyone else knows he would never forbid you unless it was truly dangerous. But he loves to rile you up and tease).

You’ll never want for anything being his bride. Nothing is off limits for you. Even if he does make a show of pulling out bank notes, groaning about how his bank account suffers. Even when he’s the one that insists on buying you new things.

He may be the older one, but you are some how so much more wiser and practical. Anchoring him to the present when the nightmares come. Secretly convening with his doctors to heal the deep aches and malaise. He insists you’re magic.

To some it’s unconventional. Your love doesn’t make sense. But to those who truly know, you’re a match made in heaven.

[shortpplfedup]

Only Friends Character Rankings Episode 10

We're in the final act now, as Jojo n'em focus on 'Redemption'. Last week y'all tapped Nick as the most honest in reckoning with himself, and now it's everybody else's turn for a reckoning.

🔺1. Boeing (2)

You're totally his type. Like an upgraded version of me.

Walk in, fuck shit up, that's the Boeing way, and I am GAGGING for it. I don't have a clue who the target is or what his game is or exactly but he is playing it EXPERTLY. Is he trying to get Top back? Is he trying to get back at Top? Where does next week's Sand diversion fit in? DID HE AND MEW REVENGE FUCK I NEED TO KNOW?! (I ALSO NEED TO SEE!).

🔻2. Nick (1)

Don't we deserve each other?

Nikolai my stalker baby, why did my heart swell three sizes when you got your man? Honesty remains the best policy, and owning your own shit is a fast track to understanding and accepting others. Nick tried, he genuinely gave Daddy Dan an honest and fair chance, and it COULD have been something, but the heart wants what it wants and Nick's heart wants Boston. The look on his face when he saw his photo as Boston's lockscreen, the way he BAWLED when Boston admitted he missed him...peak romance I tell you.

🔺3. Boston (4)

I don't usually take good care of what I own.

I'm not really meta-ing about this show, but the PRECISION with which Jojo n'em sliced and diced the audience's slut-shaming ways via this character got me. I am INCANDESCENT on Boston's behalf that his so-called friends were so willing to believe Atom's nasty little lies. Because Boston might be a slut, and he might have gone a little Top crazy, and he might stir up some drama when he's feeling some typa way, but he's not a sexual predator, and HE DOESN'T LIE. And despite it all people who call themselves friends to him SHOULD know that. He shouldn't have fucked Atom yes, but Atom straight up asked to get fucked. Boston DOES have lessons to learn about controlling his impulses and filtering the things that come out of his mouth, but these hypocrites ain't the ones to teach him. I'm glad that Nick got over himself last week just in time to be there when Boston truly needed him, and I hope that if they decide to try a relationship that Nick keeps the letting-Boston-be-Boston energy he's discovered.

⭐4. Ray's Dad

Ray's Dad in his one prior appearance seemed like a man at the end of his rope, and I'm glad my thinking was borne out. This story keeps telling us that nobody is a monster, nobody is a villain, everybody is just a person, and Ray's dad is a person like all the rest of them: he cared about his wife, he's watched helplessly and increasingly angrily as his son went down the same path, but he didn't know how to get through to him because he's limited, as we all are, so he did a lot of the wrong thing. I don't think paying Sand to get Ray into rehab was the wrong thing though, that was the act of a desperate man. Him giving Ray the straight dope about how to treat people was a long overdue fatherly lesson. Has he been neglectful? Indubitably. But I'm rooting for him.

🔻5. Sand (3)

Do you think I’m a man with no dignity?

Sand is the beneficiary of me being salty about Mew and Ray joining the 'I saw Goodie Proctor with the devil' mini-mob, but I could have TOLD him that a man who continuously and repeatedly calls you a whore is going to believe the absolute worst about you when the chips are down. I'm lowkey mad he gave back the money, because Ray is gonna call him a whore whether or not he's getting paid. I know Sand lives for the drama sparkle Ray brings to his otherwise dull life, but come ON dude.

🔺6. Mew (7)

If you blow it again this time, I'll blame myself for being dumb enough to trust you.

Mew joining in the fun with Boeing is probably gonna bite him somehow but right now I am LIVINGGGGG. Mew keeping Top up at night staring at the ceiling on a regular basis is the only way I'm gonna truly enjoy them being together, because game recognising game is my favourite brand of toxic relationship. If these two spend the next 50 years trying to get one over on each other I will be so satisfied.

🔻7. Ray (5)

I'm not addicted to alcohol. I can stop whenever I want.

Ray spending the entire episode in various stages of denial, his irritation with the idea of rehab and refusal to take it seriously, that explosion that was ALWAYS coming at Sand, and his final, quiet realisation that he has a fucking problem and he needs to fix it to stop hurting the people around him was phenomenal television, anchored by a bravura performance by Khaotung. Ray is gonna have a lot of amends to make once he starts drying out, including saying everything he said to his therapist directly to Sand. Can he truly change? Let's see.

🔻8. Top (6)

I'm sure if he stops being mad at me, we can make it long-term.

I finally figured out why no matter what I'll NEVER like Top and he doesn't pass the vibe check: his instincts and reactions are to lie, hide and cheat when he doesn't feel on top of things. He and Boeing may not be fuckin', but whatever is going on there smells like deceit and mendacity, and he is DESPERATE to hide it from Mew. The look on his face when Boeing is around is exactly how he looked around Boston after that car. Give me an honest slut over whatever this is any day of the week and twice on Sundays. I keep saying that Mew is part of Top's self-actualization, and the way he talks about him with Boeing in this ep just adds fuel to my fire. Is that enough to sustain a long-lasting and successful relationship, absolutely, so many couples are JUST like this.

🔺9. Cheum (12)

Find your own way to graduate. And we will forget we were once friends with you.

OOH this girl pisses me off. Having finally decided to mind the business that pays her, mostly because she's annoyed Atom seems to prefer talking to Boston than talking to her, she's all too willing to believe Atom's lies about Boston and run up pointing her j'accuse finger. I genuinely can't get over how UGLY that scene at Boston's was, how Cheum pulled out some of the same shit that gets levelled at queer men, promiscuous or not, and threw it all at Boston. When she said she didn't believe that Atom was the aggressor because he likes girls, that hit me in the fucking chest. Boston must have done something to Atom. He must have coerced him, blackmailed him, forced him, right? It's so grotesque.

🔻10. Atom (9)

Getting my heart broken by a girl won't kill me.

Speaking of grotesque, what a nasty bit of business this was. Hurt people hurt people, that's kind of the whole ethos of this show, and the lies Atom told were designed to ruin Boston's life like he feels Boston ruined his by GIVING HIM EXACTLY WHAT HE ASKED FOR. I very much doubt Atom is gonna stop at Cheum too, he's out to destroy, and spreading around this kind of shit about somebody who's already judged for being 1) queer and 2) promiscuous is absolutely destructive. This shit was the vilest thing anybody has done on this show by a country mile.

[neonfretra]

just read your nhl teams opinion post and I'm laughing my head off. sharkies clean sweep <3 <3 <3

COMPLETELY valid reason to dislike the devils, dw 'bout that (though if you ever need an infodump about them I come armed and ready!), but I will just say... macblack my beloved demon shark needle dodger... you are FAR from the only devil who's been stiffed by the terrible medical staff. imagine being sponsored by a hospital and having the worst concussion spotters in the league. radio-for-a-head is sputtering static right now I HATE THE DEVILS MEDSTAFF SO FUCKING MUCH THEY KEEP OBVIOUSLY INJURED PLAYERS IN GAMES AND IN THE LINEUP FOR NO FUCKING REASON AUGHHHHH

but I like how you looked at the entire east and went "who cares, experience shork". I aspire to be like this.

I also wish I could forget the Leafs. I also aspire to be like this.

um. in lieu of any like. actual content have pictures :]

timo mimo......... grabby hands............... it is possible that I named my blåhaj after him..................... they're the same picture your honor!!!

but I like how you looked at the entire east and went "who cares, experience shork". I aspire to be like this.

i need you to know this line has put me in honest to god, genuine tears from laughing. oh my god i didnt even realize. like i have the standings pulled up and goin down the list i literally only care for THREE teams (the bolts, the sens, and the pens) for their proximity to the sharks. INCREDIBLY humbling. read me like an open book. im returning to this ask when im not lightheaded oh my god

ok multiple parts to this response because im goin point by point. i yap a LOT. not sorry, hello <3

the art!

OH... those wings are DELIGHTFUL!!! i love how nicely you simplified them, especially with a pen hell?? very very elegant, i hope you get a major minor obsession with angels ^_^

the devs & injuries in the nhl

how they handle injuries drive me UP THE WALL. like i personally assume teams start actin like this when theyre in hopes of playoffs when in reality its like . BABY. WE ARENT GOIN TO BOSTON. PUT THE STICK DOWN.

to make this about the sharks (you read my rankings, you know im like this) i constantly joke about the sharks being the healthiest team in the league cause all our players are out. like christ we have second most missed games on a per player basis at 459 man games lost to injury, second to vegas!

but i think its straight up because playoffs are SUCH a pipe dream for 19-wins-total san jose sharks that we dont HAVE the same pressure to play with torn muscles or broken bones. there is a reason why mackblack CAN have his 72 hours of purgatory (3 day long fever) out compared to teams who are noted to have locker room wide sickness and still getting in board battles. i think we should expose mackblack to them kinda players before the preseason so he builds an immunity to whatever they got. yeah im basically trying to vaccinate him SORRY i am getting distracted

YES, i will disappointed beyond words when the sharks start gettin better at hockey

and its like that that i cant really say its a DEVS thing now, its tradition to see what horrific injury a player played through in their locker cleanout like a more morbid new years countdown. do not want to imagine the consequences of the culture as perpetuated by both staff and players on long term health. lord. and people get mad about mark stone takin time off.

in the same ravine, different vein, hohhh boy they were NOT joking we have gotta separate leagues and medical care. nothin good has come of a doctor workin in the best interest of your team that wants you on ice ASAP and not in the interest of keeping you healthy and able to play and to live a decent life after playin. league worst concussion spotters is a HIGH bar. lird.

but in the same breath what can you do about a mess of on ice spotters? unless you plan on bringin your family doctor as a plus one. which is an absolute wild thought actually. wag jacket for my medical practitioner <3 rhinestone directly INto my open injury <3

sponsored by a hospital too... irony is rollin in its grave hello a whole rotisserie chicken of it

the devs, but more normal

wait oh god i gotta be SO honest with you when i was raggin on the devs i had you in mind as like. THEE friend of mine that roots for em and debating on how impolite itd be to drag your team. and then i remembered we both root for vgk <3

would you believe me when i say i followed them a bit? yeah i was mostly lookin for kahkonen, i do miss him though id call it a bit bad mannered of me to clearly only root for a team for one player LOL

do NOT look at vgk. or tbl. or dal. dont even look at ME.

does it actually count if im also lookin at timo meier? two players thats gotta count for umm something. two things even? because hes an exshark. yeah. oh god it really is a sharkies clean sweep. beloved stereax you have unwound me like the noble helicase. you got me checked out and in like a library book. you broke me down to my barest components. what do i even do with myself right now???

i will NOT say more lest i embarrass myself more than i have already

LOVE that you named your blahaj after him, thats very cute <3 i am endlessly enamored by the photo you chose of timo mimo, why are you so hat boy!!!

hey isnt a blahaj also a shark

PLEASE feel free to tell me bout the devs, im sure knowin more about the team will not make me itching to throw down with their managements poor decisions any more ^_^

getting a little less normal, a little more embarrassing now

okay i need to be so honest with you. and myself. mostly myself. i was SO surprised to learn media has an eastern conference bias. what the hell is a traditional hockey market.

bringing shame to my family name by discussing the leafs

should i not be tryin to remember them if youre tryin to forget LMAO

you wanna know something more humiliating than regularly forgetting the leafs. i confuse them with MULTIPLE teams when i do remember them. NEAR EVERY BLUE TEAM. the bolts. the nucks. the sabres, when i do remember them. the blues.

I FOLLOW SOMEONE WITH A MITCH MARNER PFP. HOW DO I MANAGE TO FORGET THIS TEAM SO OFTEN???

visibly sweating and shaking as i stare at a wall and try to recall every bit of trivia i know about the leafs RN. if you root for the leafs i probably owe you financial compensation

[le-trash-prince]

OF Episode 6 Thoughts: Top/Mew

I finally got to watch this week’s ep and there is SO MUCH TO UNPACK. I have too many thoughts so I’m splitting them between posts.

First of all: What a fucking episode. I was either laughing or screaming the entire time. I love this shit so much. Everyone in this group sucks!

Mew's bi momma! 🙌

When Mew said “I want you to meet my parents at the end of the year” and then “But don’t count on us still being together” I was like “What the fuck Mew?” LOL. Like Mew, I know you will probably never understand this, but just because you are not seeing anyone else doesn't mean that you are emotionally committed to this relationship. You keep pulling back and giving mixed signals!

“I think the reason I was fine without a relationship was because I got enough love from family and friends” Mew how about you recognize that you’re demi instead of psychoanalyzing your slutty friends!

Tbh tho, I know it's really hard to come to terms with your own sexuality, especially when it's so different from everyone around you. We try to come up with reasons as to why people are different, rather than being able to accept that these differences can be inherent to who we are as people.

I think this episode showed more than any other just how genuine Top’s feelings for Mew really are. And of course this had to be the episode it all came crashing down.

Like the notebook of drawings he gave him? That was super sweet and thoughtful as a gift—ppl prob expect someone like Top to just throw money at his lovers but instead he put time and effort into his gift. You can’t draw someone like that without really looking at them. There wasn’t anything in that gift that said "fuckboy" or “I’m doing this just so you will sleep with me.”

Felt like there was an intentional parallel between Top kissing Mew’s forehead while he was asleep and Ray kissing Mew on the mouth.

I feel like I need to rewatch to process “Mew and Ray get in a fight” and “Ray gave Mew the audio file and Mew believed him”

When Mew and Top got home, I loved how the change and tension felt tangible. Like something about Mew going into the bedroom by himself and leaving Top in the living room spoke to a barrier between them

Mew pinning Top to the bed did a lot of things for me thanks 👍

“I love the way you sound in bed” honestly some cinematic poetry, I was hollering.

As much as I feel like Top was coerced into sleeping with Boston, what can he even say to defend himself with? “I didn’t want to sleep with him?” Well it sure sounded like you did. “I did it because I thought you lied to me?” Yeah that’s not gonna make Mew understand. Lol. Again, I don't know if Top even knows if he's allowed to not want to have sex with someone.

It’s a hard situation with a lot of grey area! And even tho we kind of knew this was how Mew was gonna find out, it's the worst way for him to find out.

Of course Mew is going to be hurt. This is like the worst outcome for him, and it revealed a lot of his insecurities around his lack of sexual experience. Especially after talking big at the beginning "My senses are always correct and I know everything there is to know about love."

I wonder if he even blamed himself for being bad at sex as to why he didn’t enjoy his first time with Top all that much, rather than it simply being that he might not really get much out of sex at all. It's okay if you don't want sex, Mew, or if you don't enjoy it, or even if it takes time for you to enjoy it!

“I’m not worth enough for you to love only me.” Mew. Mew. *shakes him* First of all, Top thinks Boston is a pile of burnable trash. He does not love that man! Second of all, please don’t tie self worth to romantic love or to ideals of monogamy. It is never going to end well.

Again, "I think the reason I was fine without a relationship is because I got so much love from family and friends." Mew are you being honest with yourself? You even said yourself that the reason you slept with Top was because you were worried about him getting bored with you.

I may have mentioned this before, but I think the reason that "mastermind Mew" was so popular with the fandom at the beginning of the series is because people wanted it to be true, because if Mew had seen this coming, he wouldn't have gotten hurt. I don't think it came from "we think Mew is evil or manipulative or whatever," I think we just didn't want to watch a person as naive as Mew get hurt. Because that's what happens the majority of the time in real life. People get hurt.

Sad lonely himbo Top in the bathtub 👍

Overall, I really enjoy watching their relationship. It's very complicated; it's nowhere near as straightforward as a "fuckboy cheats on his virgin boyfriend" plotline could easily be. I don't think they had a solid foundation for their relationship. They enjoy their dates, but there hasn't been a lot of great communication between them, which as I mentioned on a previous post, is very normal, especially for a first or second relationship. And for both of them, I think this is their first real attempt at a relationship, and neither of them know what they're doing.

In the preview, we see a clip of Mew in the bathtub where his expression changes, and it really looks like a symbolic transformation to me. Whether we get revenge era Mew or "let's try this again with more emotional transparency" Mew, I'm here for it.

[scrumptiousstuffs]

Only Friends Episode 12 (Finale) - Begin Again

Where we come full circle with our group of friends

Top & Mew

We all know Mew can be condescending and in my opinion, somehow a control freak. We see it with the way he interacts with Top and Boston with this episode. For example, when he asked (really cajoling) Top to be friends with Ray and apologises to Sand (and when the latter didn't really eventuate from Top's part cause he is a bit iffy about it, Mew engineered it so that Sand can take revenge on Top by kissing him during the spin-a-bottle game on New Year's Eve i.e. getting the 2 boys to duke their frustration - this was a funny scene though). Or how about the way he casually told Top his wishes for him during the upcoming year is for Top to not be an asshole despite Top showing the opposite ever since he got back together with Mew. Or how he firmly just cut out Boston in his life (although this is his prerogative and he can chose who he wants to keep in his life. I don't blame Mew though - Boston was one of his closest friends, and the betrayal must have stung so badly. Furthermore, when you see the effort Top puts in to earn Mew forgiveness when compared to the sole apology we got from Boston - yeah, not good).

On the other hand, Top can't help being arrogant and subtly putting down people who he thinks are lesser than him - the way he casually tries to upped Sand during the firework scene by informing Mew he can easily buy a building for Mew to do his business is a great example of this.

But at the same time, TopMew works because they have grown to trust and communicates with each other while navigating their relationship. It's evident Top is head over heels for Mew, and personally, I think Mew holds the upper hand in their dynamics because Top is just so whipped for him. Admittedly, Top becomes a better person around Mew (likely cause Mew just nag him otherwise -lovingly of course!) while simultaneously also helping him face his fears and trauma from the past. My one criticism for this couple is that I wish we could have explore a bit of Top's backstory (that 2 mins fire scene at the end? - we see a hint of vulnerability and how Top overcome his fear because he is focus on Mew, but it will have been great if we see more about how this shaped him as a person and how they will try and navigate it in the future)

My favourite scene from the finale episode is when TopMew having an honest conversation in the bathtub while they negotiate their pet peeves because it's just so real. I also love the Ray/Top interactions as they flex their wealth (about custom-made couch of all things :D) while Mew fondly peek on them from another room.

Also, may I say, I love the cheeky ending we got when Mix's character rock up to the hostel as their first guest (I believe his name is Bobo?). Bobo smiling suggestively to Mew with Top eyeing him suspiciously - I cackled!

Sand & Ray

Again, it's fascinating to see the character developments while at the same time how true to their base personalities as we reach the pinnacle episode.

Sand will always be a people pleaser and puts other people's need before himself while Ray is selfish to the core but at the same time fiercely protective (and possessive) towards his loves one. And so, I was fascinated when Boeing was introduce as the catalyst to address these issues.

We can tell Sand has some unresolved feelings on Boeing - I don't think he is necessarily in love with Boeing but this was his first relationship and he invested 3 years of his life with Boeing. So, he likely has lingering feelings and some part of him will always be fond of Boeing. Plus, we know Sand has difficulty in saying NO (we see that clearly with how Ray essentially barge his way into Sand's life despite Sand feeble attempts to put some boundaries up).

And so, it fell on Ray to take action on behalf of Sand to deal with Boeing. Yes, he is jealous and insecure about where he stands with Sand when Boeing comes intruding. Hence, the invitation of essentially threesome (listen, I say it with previous posts, but even from the beginning when Ray didn't know what his feelings towards Sand was - all he knew is he wanted Sand's attention. He suggested, or at least alluded to a threesome every time Sand is seen with someone else. Because in Ray's mind, if Sand can't accept him alone, he is probably thinking "I am willing to share him, as long as I am in his life." I also think Ray clocked how Sand never took up on any of the threesome, which means Sand chose him over others. So, Ray inviting Boeing is another way to force Sand to choose him over Boeing.) Did it backfire slightly on Ray behalf? - Yes, because we all know Ray is a loveable disaster muffin. But, I thought it showed growth on Ray behalf (albeit only slightly) when he had a blunt but calm conversation with Sand post-swimming pool scene (cause we all know the Ray a few episodes ago will probably get drunk and turn into raging mess) - stating he dislikes having Boeing around Sand, and gave Sand the ultimatum. And if Sand chose to be with him (Ray), he will deal Boeing on behalf of him - cause he (and we) know Sand is too kind to do so otherwise.

Not gonna lie, a protective Ray is suave and the whole scene with Boeing at the pool table with Sand (plus Mew) looking amusingly was satisfying to watch. Similarly, I adore the way Sand reclaimed the jab Boeing made when the latter insinuated Sand was just a dog for Ray.

I love the ending we got for SandRay - from the romantic stroll and dance they did in the parking lot and the heartfelt conversation they had in Ray's car whilst listening to music. These 2 balance and complement each other. As mentioned previously, Sand will put others need before him, and we see that when he willingly gave up his plum wine business and his occupation as bar singer, his 2 main source of income to make sure Ray has minimal access to alcohol. But at the same time, Ray while still a pampered prince(ss), loves Sand and learning to put Sand's need ahead of himself. Ray is willing to face his demon (alcohol) because he knows Sand will support him. So, I appreciate the gesture when we see Ray told Sand to restart his plum wine business (it also helps of course Ray is rich!)

Nick & Boston

Ah....look, I know people are divided with this couple but I personally thought the ending we got for Nick/Boston are fitting for both of them.

I have no doubt these 2 love each other - but fundamentally, their principles on what they define as relationship and sex are at the extreme end of the spectrum.

From the start we know Boston is highly promiscuous and clear in what he wants - no string attached, mainly one night stands. Meeting Nick slightly changed that cause for the first time, he found someone who he connects emotionally. But he cannot change who he is - he views emotional relationship + intimacy as something that is separate from physical intimacy. To him these 2 are not inclusive.

At the start, when Nick/Boston were FWB - Nick could accept Boston as he is because Boston has made it clear from the start with the above rules (although we can all tell it is bittersweet for Nick- he is so in love with Boston that he willing to take whatever Boston gives him).

But the miscommunication lies when Boston asked Nick to become his boyfriend in episode 11. Yes, Nick is aware there is a time limit to their relationship because of Boston's upcoming move to New York. However, it is clear for Nick, being boyfriend means inclusive in all ways, not just emotionally and attention-wise. Unfortunately, Boston did not made this clear from the start (look if both of them agreed for an open relationship, then by all means - go for it!). But this is not the case for Nick, and when Nick attempts to explain this to Boston - the latter turns the narrative back to Nick, firmly stating this is who he is and if Nick wants any relationship with Boston, he needs to accept Boston's ultimatum. I truly think Boston thought Nick will fold (yet again) and give in because that's what Nick has done each time (including Nick approaching Boston to apologise at the Halloween Party or when Boston is at his lowest on the rooftop after being cut off by all his friends).

So, it's great to see Nick choose to love himself and prioritise his needs. And Nick is correct, Boston don't have to change his ways - fun and loves to party, confident with his sexuality and essentially a slut (no shame on that!). However, Nick now wants more than what Boston can offer him, and that is also fine.

(But hey, do we all think Nick is now back with Daddy Dan??)

Overall, I enjoyed the finale. I think it remains rooted to the realism I expected as I watch the show. Also, I enjoyed the journey and growth we see with each of our character, but at the same time, still keeping true to their personalities.

I will definitely miss the show and it will linger on for a long time in me heart 🙂 (what am I going to watch on Saturday now?)

[firstkanaphans]

Bostonnick and P for the promt thing if you feel like it, because i need more bostonnick in my life :)

Y’all. I don’t even know anymore. This is set in an alternate universe where Boston decides to behave himself at the end of episode 5 and not pick a fight with Ray. It is explicit and also slightly kinkier than what I usually write, so heed the warnings below. Word Count: 756 Rating/Warnings: Explicit; Semi-public sex, exhibitionism

[P]ersuading them to do something naughty

If Boston was being honest, the first time he’d fucked Nick, he’d thought him tame—virginal, even. He’d been so eager for Boston’s touch that it made him clumsy and he'd come so fast Boston had just assumed that he was the exciting thing in Nick’s life. It was only now, weeks later, that he was starting to realize he was wrong. It was the other way around.

“Fuck me,” Nick whispered into his ear, taking the lobe between his lips and sucking. They were both cross-faded, sitting on the couch in Nick’s living room surrounded by empty beer bottles and the crumbs from one too many weed cookies, and Boston would be lying if he said he wasn’t itching to fuck someone. But there was the small issue of Ray. 

He looked through the glass door towards the back patio where Ray and Sand had excused themselves for privacy. They had been making out at one point—Boston knew because he had been watching them—but they both seemed to be asleep now, curled up together on the same beanbag. But still, the door remained ajar. Boston could see them. 

“Let’s go to your room,” he said, standing. Nick pulled him back down.

“No,” he said with a smirk. “Here.”

Sometimes Boston got the feeling that Nick only offered things like this to titillate him—to keep him interested, to try to make himself seem more desirable than everyone else Boston was fucking—but then he saw the excitement on Nick's face and started to think maybe he had underestimated him.

Nick was the first person he had ever been with that was willing to fuck him in the daylight, that wanted to show him off, that wanted other people to see. And sometimes when he invited Boston over, it wasn’t even for sex. It was as if he actually enjoyed Boston’s presence. As if he was having fun. Boston wanted to have fun too.

“You have to be quiet,” Boston said sternly. Nick’s face lit up and he playfully mimed zipping his lips even though they both knew he wasn’t the one who had a problem with volume anyway.

Boston took one last look at the patio door—at Ray and Sand still sleeping—and said, “Fuck it.” Then he pulled Nick onto his lap and kissed him hard.

The two of them had had a lot of sex over the past couple months and Boston hadn’t been lying when he said Nick was his favorite because Nick cared about Boston's pleasure more than his own. They undressed just enough to expose the important bits and it took no time at all before Boston had Nick pinned to the couch and was pushing inside of him. He held his hand over Nick’s mouth to keep him quiet, but it ended up being pointless. Boston was the one that moaned. Nick’s body just felt so good wrapped around his cock—it was like he had been made for him—and he knew how to use his body to bring Boston pleasure. 

“Shh,” Nick scolded, but he looked pleased nevertheless. 

From Boston’s position on the couch, he could look up and see outside. Ray and Sand hadn’t moved, but just being able to see them, just knowing that they could, was driving him crazy. Boston had had threesomes before, but he had never done this. He felt like his whole body was on display and he wanted to show off.

He fucked Nick harder, burying his face in his neck, and he came much sooner than he expected. He wasn’t quiet about it either, but he was too turned on to care about getting caught. Luckily, Ray and Sand didn’t move.

“Did you like that?” Nick asked, stroking his hair.

Boston nodded. “You’re a bad influence on me.”

Nick preened at the compliment. “I think it’s probably mutual.”

They ended up retiring to Nick’s bedroom, but although Nick fell asleep fast, Boston was too wired to sleep. There was this foreign feeling taking root inside of him that he couldn’t quite place. He looked down at Nick, his face relaxed in sleep, and a smile pulled at his lips. It no longer felt like a chore to stay and fall asleep by his side. It felt nice, actually, to have someone next to him.

Maybe he could get used to this after all.

For the Fluff Prompt ABCs

[hay1ock]

Episode 4 of Only Friends

Well, that was quite the episode. I’m going to be discussing stuff that happened, so if you’re aware of anything in the episode that upsets you please bear that in mind. I don’t intend to be all in your face about it but people have different limits. I myself was fine with the episode on first watch, but the second time it really hit me how there are certain things about Ray I relate to and I had a bad time for a little while. But *deep breath* it’s all good now and I’m ready to ramble. Also, I feel like my thoughts are going to be bouncing all over the place with all the various moving parts and stuff that happened this episode.

So, might as well get straight to it, the big one, Ray (+ Mew + Sand). Ray, the human version of the Poor Boy t-shirt. His whole breakdown in the bathtub about being unloved, unwanted, how he ruined his mom’s life, man Khaotung delivered. I’m guessing it might be a case of his mom getting pregnant was unplanned/inconvenient - like his mom had to give up her career, or maybe having him trapped her with a man she didn’t love or in a bad relationship, which in turn led to her drinking and ignoring him, and ultimately to her death. Based on the younger version of Ray, he was what? Mid teens maybe. He said high school so maybe 14-16 range. Was his mom like that since his birth or did it start later, she slowly began resenting him?

I’m glad Mew had enough about him to go round and check on Ray. (I know his friends get some crap - Boston rightly so - about not caring about him, but there is only so much they can do if Ray isn’t ready, as he needs to be willing to help himself) Ray’s little face and his voice when he saw Mew had come though… “You’re here?” Surprise/relief that he’d put his faith in the right person. Mew really had answered his cry for help. Ray deserves a big hug. It’s not hard to see why he cares about Mew, why he answered his phone, why he would support Mew’s relationship with Top even though he dislikes Top, and yes, I’m sure jealousy is part of it, but there is genuine concern about the kind of person Top is, and if he’s good enough. But yeah, whether it’s romantic love or something else, I’m not sure. I imagine it’s a bit of a mix. He sees Mew as having saved him so there’s probably a bit of seeing him as his hero, the only person who, up to that point (or that we know of), had shown any affection or concern for him and it might be those feelings warped into a romantic love, or maybe it’s just the desperate need to keep Mew close, keep that one ‘good’ relationship and person at his side and he has mistaken his feelings for love beyond that of friendship. Ray is a whole bag of emotions and trauma, and untangling those for him to explore his feelings about both his past and what’s happening now will be hard and most likely hurt him and people around him (and me!).

I’m glad we got to see what happened regarding the video and the kiss and well, to say I’m disappointed in Boston and Top is an understatement - will talk more about them later. Also, I know Boston is a bad friend, but seriously, knowing everything about Ray and still messing with his head last episode and even calling Ray a burden back in episode 1, Boston you are the absolute worst lol.

But anyway, the kiss, the one in the past. I’m sad Mew couldn’t return Ray’s feelings and it must have been hard to hear that he was perhaps the only thing that was keeping Ray from hurting himself. 2 years ago, so he’s 19/20 yrs old, being told that must have been rough and a lot of responsibility, and then the fear of what Ray might do if Mew rejected him. That change in music seems like a reflection of Mew’s anxiety of the situation. I do like Mew and that from what we’ve seen he is pretty straightforward and honest. He kissed Ray back, but as he’s said, up until Top, no one had been able to make his heart tremble. I wonder how things might have changed if he had felt something. Would Ray have been able to get a handle on his drinking? Despite 2 years passing, he’s still in the same place, maybe worse where his drinking is concerned. Could he have changed? Or would he just have made them both miserable? Guess we might end up finding out as him and Sand get closer.

Skipping back to the present and ahhhh Ray nooooo. I don’t agree with him kissing Mew and am glad he was called out for his behaviour, but I do feel like I understand why he did it, or at least see why he might have. First, we had Boston messing with him, bringing his feelings of ‘love’ back to the surface and also adding fuel to his worries about Top - don’t be a side character, do something before it’s too late, ie save Mew from Top. We also have Mew, he’s told Ray he phoned Top for help first and he’s also trying to push Ray’s feelings towards Sand (I believe Mew was doing so with good intentions, wanting to see Ray happy and have someone now Top has taken a chunk of his time), but I feel like Ray pushed back against that. I believe he has been feeling something for Sand, even if just out of curiosity, but in a way that’s a betrayal to his feelings for Mew, the person he literally owes his life to. I imagine he’s confused and desperate to reaffirm that Mew is the one he loves. Mew is telling him to be with someone who loves and takes care of him and for Ray that person is Mew. So, I get it, but don’t agree with it. Glad he apologised again at the end and I’m glad Mew was able to accept the apology. I feel like he backed down from pressing Ray further about the ‘why’ behind the kiss, maybe not wanting to distress Ray who looked to struggle when Mew asked. I hope they can maintain their friendship. I know Ray can’t change how he feels about Mew overnight. Whether Mew fully knew about Ray still liking him, I’m not sure, but either way, it’s all out there now, so hopefully, Ray can move forward.

And talking of where he should be heading in his attempt to move on, him and Sand. I don’t know if it’s because it’s First and Khaotung, or just the way they are portraying the characters, but they have the most ‘romantic’ chemistry at the moment for me (Nick and Boston has so far been more primal, sexual, and then Mew and Top… I don’t even know what theirs is, it’s mostly anxiety inducing is what. I don’t know how to explain it but it’s like my stomach drops and both characters give off vibes of wanting control).

I love seeing Ray and Sand together. I love Ray’s puppy eyes. I love that Sand can’t say no to Ray’s puppy eyes. Sand seems a pretty strong-willed guy so if he really didn’t want to do something I’m sure he would say so. He had no problems communicating to Ray about how he felt at the music store and I’m glad he didn’t actually scold Ray and call him any names. There was just this strange sadness when Ray said ‘Burden on Society’. I don’t know if Sand sensed anything, but I think him discussing his boundaries, like with Ray wanting to buy him things, and that he isn’t something Ray can pick up to play with when he’s lonely to then forget about until the next time, I think Ray needs that. Other than money, we still don’t don’t know what kind of relationship he has with his father, or if he had any positive role models/relationships growing up that would help him learn about things such as boundaries and making real connections with other people, not just by throwing money around. I do believe Ray cares about Sand’s feelings, not necessarily because he sees him as special or for romantic reasons, but Sand is a person in his life now and it feels like Ray doesn’t intend to upset people on purpose, he wants to be cared for but also wants to be able to care for others, even as far as to ‘save’ them. I like that Ray is able to realise when he’s in the wrong and apologise, he did it in episode 1, and a couple of times in this episode. People make mistakes, not everyone can admit to them and apologise.

The record store scenes were lovely. The conversation about music. The suggestion that Ray is stuck in the past with his mother’s music and his trauma, and with his feelings for Mew. That discovering new bands brings Sand happiness and the implication that Ray should do the same, step outside that damn room that he’s surrounded himself with his mom’s records and find something new to explore. To find himself a little bit of happiness. I loved the small smile from Ray as he seemed to be considering Sand’s words. Chronologically, we then have them listening to music and staring and hand touching. The way Sand looks at Ray *dreamy sigh*. It was nice to see Ray in a moment of peace, at least that’s what it felt like. A moment to just pause the world and as Sand said “let music do the work.” And so, after going to Mew’s to apologise, we’re then back in a bath tub, bookending the episode nicely. That flashback though, yet again, can not blame Ray for clinging onto Mew and what feelings he had for him. Ray of sunshine *cries* I interpret the end as him making peace with his feelings, or at the very least, realising that no matter what, nothing more can ever come from them and so it’s time to move on, even if he just takes a tiny step in the direction of the owner of the Poor Boy t-shirt. I really hope that no matter what heartbreak lies ahead, these two find a way to a happy ending together, even if it’s Ray goes to rehab, gets some therapy and we skip ahead however many months, and they meet up again afterwards. So a fresh start and we’re left hopeful they’ll work things out.

Okay, that first part might have been way too long, but I’m bias towards Ray and so… that’s how I roll lol. The next bits might be shorter, or they might not lol. Next the Boston and Nick and Top (+ Sand) mess.

Boston, you are the worst. I mean, I kind of get filming your friends in a ‘haha look at these idiots, I’m so teasing them tomorrow’ kind of way, but still, dick move. And you know what another dick move is? Screwing with your friend’s kinda boyfriend (still confused on how long it’s been - under 3 months based on what Boston said last ep - and what Top and Mew consider themselves to be, as Top kept referring to Mew as his boyfriend last ep and this one and Mew complained about Top not introducing him as his boyfriend to Beam at the silent disco), and then for his ultimate dick move, we have Boston forcing himself on Top. I’m glad Top actively pushed Boston off him this time and told him a few home truths. I said before it feels more about Boston’s pride and some weird one-sided rivalry/jealousy. Like even in the flashback, he seemed to be competing with Ray, but also dragging Mew into the conversation with Cheum. Like ‘I can’t beat Ray, but what about Mew? I’m sexier and a better option than him right?’. Honestly, I feel like, if gmmtv would let us have nice things and let Neo and Khao out of the friends zone for a minute, Boston would be that guy to comfort Ray and maybe makeout/sleep with him just to show he was that little bit better than Mew - ‘at least I fucked ya’. He seems to have no remorse over anything at the moment. Whether he grows as a person or is a dick until the end, I guess we’ll have to wait and see. We got a nice bit of info about his dad if anyone was looking to really mess things up for him. Not looking at anyone in particular… Nick.

So, Nick. Boston really should have changed his passcode after Nick fixed his phone lol. He is walking a dangerous line of obsession and I’m not sure exactly where he’ll fall by the end. He was like a smitten kitten in the first couple of episodes, and he looked at Boston with hope and adoration, but there was a significant difference in how Boston’s words worked (or rather didn’t seem to) this episode when they were together. It currently stands as him wanting to get Boston, for them to be in love, but, depending where both his and Boston’s games take them, I feel like it might just come down to him wanting to ruin Boston in the end. You don’t love me? Well sucks to be you. I am here for Nasty Nick and his obsessive listening to Top and Boston moaning (poor Sand though - he did not need to hear that lol) And then he brings Top into it, and in turn Sand (and we find out Top stole Sand’s ex - gonna assume that person will pop up at some point). Well, everybody will know about Top and Boston but Mew at this point. I have this horrible feeling when stuff comes out Ray will find out Sand already knew and that might be one of many reasons they have problems.

So Top and Mew. Their relationship is the strangest to me. It might be because as the audience we know more of what Top’s been doing behind Mew’s back, see more of his smug smirky face that I want to punch occasionally, whereas we don’t know that much about Mew as an individual, but I don’t know… *stares at them*. I know Top got Mew’s heart all a flutter but sometimes, I’m left questioning what Mew sees in Top and does he actually like him? They can have some ridiculously cute moments, the disco, the Photo Booth, in the shower. Then they have some really off feeling and tense, challenging each other moments, Top coming off as possessive and pulling him away from his friends, the reset scene at laser tag, the scenes at the end of this episode. I like that Mew isn’t a pushover but getting with Top seems exhausting to me.

Another thing I like is that Mew doesn’t judge Top based on his past or who he’s slept with. Like I said Mew seems to be honest and straightforward and he wants Top to be the same with him. And I’m very much a judge you by what you do now not your past kind of person myself (obviously there are some exceptions to that). The plane in Top’s room got me curious. Is there a Boeing? I assume so as even before he told Mew and the only B I could think of at the time was Boston, I was like, surely not. Boston doesn’t seem in the least bit sentimental and not sure what a plane has to do with anything, but I did have second thoughts as the camera lingered and shifted focus from the plane to the model car that looks very much like Boston’s behind it. It might mean nothing, or maybe ‘Boeing’ will show up, the shot is framing two issues that can come between Top and Mew in the future - Boston and this Boeing person.

Top keeps pulling me in and has me thinking, okay maybe he is trying to be a better person, he just keeps fucking up, you know, like people do, and then just as quickly, I’m screaming trash at him. Where as Boston falls on the love to hate him side of villainy, Top keeps sticking his head over the line into just hate him territory. We’ll have to see where things go. I did think he’d called Beam over for sex at first, but not seeing the scene play out I wondered if it was something else - like just hang out, drink and sleep, as Top was clearly feeling guilty thinking back to moments with Mew and Boston, so I thought he might have trouble sleeping. As it was it was drugs. One way to knock yourself out I guess… whether it’s always just been drugs with Beam, looking back at the conversation at the silent disco, who knows, and I would have given him the benefit of the doubt, as I do want to believe he wants to change, but he’d already got arsey over Ray, Mew’s friend, being there and apparently not happy that he got his knickers in a twist over a kiss from 2 years ago, so was doubting Mew when he said it stopped at the kiss, and THEN initiated some weird deal for him stopping drugs. Again, we know more stuff than Mew, but with that music choice too, it felt all kinds of sleazy to me. If I was Mew I would not have been in the mood for sexy shenanigans, but hey, you do you, and hand jobs don’t have to be that deep. Fucking loved it when Mew said no penetration, take it or leave it lol.

OKAY. I think I’m done. There were probably other things I wanted to comment on, but the rambling was strong with this one lol. Looking forward to Episode 5.

[bitacrytic]

Boston and Nick make sense in my brain, the others, not so much. (I actively don't want the others to get together.)

And like this Boston's first love (probably) so it might hit a few blind alleys but he'll get there. Eventually, (hopefully). But the real MVP of OFTS is Nick. The boy made Boston, for whom monogamy and being faithful is a line drawn by clouds, who has a very pessimistic view about romantic relationships, absolutely doesn't like taking and keeping pictures of his hookups with his own face showing, who repeatedly has shown he doesn't care for others; actually Cared. He kept a picture of them on his phone despite him wanting to forever protect his privacy fiercely, and not just that, he spent probably hours drinking and staring at it. His face, so sad and miserable. When Nick told him about his job, he had this teensy tiny little smile before Nick said he met a senior, and Boston's face fell. Nick actually made Boston care.

Umm, Anon? I feel you. But I don't want any of these men to end up together.

excuse the incoming rant...

For me, Only Friends is not necessarily a bl in that it's a romcom where the two leads get to ride off into the sunset.

It's more like a salad of toxicity and immaturity. The characters don't need to end up together. they need therapy. and accountability.

boston is a mess. nobody's child deserves to be involved with boston. when you consider the fact that he was friends with ray and mew for yeeeeeeaars and still did that to both of them, you have to ask yourself what he wouldn't do to you in a relationship. even cheum who'd managed to steer clear of boston's betrayal is about to learn that her "straight" brother was turned out by boston. not because he's a man, but because boston is the type of guy who ruins people. she doesn't want that for her brother but she knows what's going to happen to him now that he's in boston's vicinity. the only good thing going for him is his "honesty". and the quotation marks are there because he's inredibly selective with his honesty. But at least with drake's character and nick and atom, he was honest with them. they all knew what they were getting. but beyond that, judging by what he's done to his friends? yeah, boston needs doctors, not lovers.

as for nick. he needs to go to jail. while everyone around him is aware of the part they played in the fiasco, nick doesn't think he did anything bad. which means that he's going to do it again. jail. he doesn't deserve happiness. he said he was fine with being anybody to boston as long as he was someone, at least. and yet, he went and recorded an intimate moment Boston had with another person out of jealousy. he'll tell boston now that he's okay with boston's lifestyle, but he hates it. he's a liar. he's a creep. and he's getting away with so much fuckery because mark has fluffy cheeks.

he doesn't deserve boston just because he made boston care. he's a stalker. are we forgetting this? stalking cases are not romantic. they mostly end with someone dead or assaulted. it's not romantic. to him, boston is a fish in a bowl and the fact that he's gotten boston to care about him is not so much a good things as it is that he's found a way to tame the unruly slut. he's "changed" boston as if boston's sexual habits were ever a problem. (they weren't. his backbiting and scheming were the problem, not the sex)

before the whole fiasco with top, boston wasn't a pariah. his friends were just fine with his social life. if anything, ray was the problem of the group. boston didn't do drugs. boston didn't carry guns. boston just went to clubs, met with consenting ADULT men and fucked those men.

So by him finally deciding to settle down with nick is something that should be attributed to him growing up. not nick's ability to "change" him. because that part of his life was never a problem.

nick's jealousy was.

Anon, please excuse my mini tantrum

[aspaceformyself]

BL/QL Ask Game : The Ugly, the Bad and the Worst

Thank you to @nieves-de-sugui for the tag!! I love these games. I'll try to do my best!

Worst soundtrack / weirdest song choice in a BL To be very honest I don't remember a lot of the soundtracks in BLs that I watch unless it really catches my attention. But, although this is not a track or a song, I will talk about weird sound effects or background scores that I remember. And if I'm not wrong it's probably, "Love by chance", for me or even Tharn type. I remember cringing to the point I couldn't carry on sometimes. Like at some parts, the score felt like it could be out of a cheap porno. I do not know if it's by design or if it just happened to be there. But Ugh.

Most cringe-inducing line (cute) I actually do not remember these much.

Most cringe-inducing line (actually bad) I agree with the little me's.

Most stupid decision made by a character It's been a while since I watched BLs and hence can't remember all the characters I internally screamed at, but there are a bunch of characters who made stupid decisions.

Worst plot line I'm sorry it's entire Tharn Type for me. I'm sure there are worse but what was the author even thinking? I'm sorry a TharnType hater here.

The most problematic show you've watched Also Tharn type. I cannot even begin to explain in words how much I hate that show. Like I have never rooted for two characters to not end up together as much as I have for Tharn and Type. Like, the dudes are incredibly toxic to each other and need loads of therapy before they even think of relationships. And the season two just made it even worse. They still need therapy. The author needs to rethink a load of things. Specially maybe at least do some research on CSA and how that impacts a person and then maybe write about it, instead of using it as a plot line. Ugh, that made me so mad.

A show people love but you find bad uhhhhh, I'm not too sure, but Cutie pie? I don't hate it but I don't think it's too good either. I just found it incredibly boring. It had a good start but man I couldn't keep up. It just kept dragging to no end. It was wild to see how many people enjoyed it.

A show people find bad but you will defend I agree with Utsukushii Kare.

A show that is just objectively bad but you enjoyed it I can't think of any.

A bad show that you kept watching because you were intrigued/fascinated Can't think of any either

A bad show that you kept watching because you were horny Can't think of any xD

A bad show that you kept watching because of that one character Can't think of any either xD

A bad show that you would still recommend I agree with My Day. It was hilarious

The character that ruined a show the most Thua from the Eclipse. The show was going great until the writer did what they did with Thua and he still got to face absolutely zero consequences for that.

Most awful character that you hated Thua from The Eclipse. I'm sorry I don't get how people defend him, he's awful.

Most awful character that you loved Agree with Aoey from Lovely writer

A character that wasn't awful but that you just don't like Not a huge fan of Kawi from Be My Favorite. But I don't hate him.

A hero that should have been a villain I can't think of any

A morally bad character you're into Not sure

A morally bad character you're not into and you wish people would stop being into Agree with Boston. I haven't watched Only Friends yet as I'm waiting for it to finish airing because I'm incapable of waiting a whole week for an episode to be out. But I'm keeping track of the storyline out of morbid curiosity. And yeah, Boston, I'm surprised people are even into him.

The show that disappointed you the most Cutie Pie and A Boss and a babe. Both started out incredibly promising but fizzled out as they came to an end. Both had similar problems. They both dragged out and I lost interest towards the end.

The Worst Show of Them All Because of Your Own Reasons Tharn type and What the duck. I mostly sat through Tharn Type because it dealt with topics that were personal to me but ended up absolutely pissed off because of it. I watched What the duck just to see how much worse it could get xD

This was a fun game! We should now do the same for the good BL's!

[renoxvated]

everything i touched turned to GOLD.

Roy & Grief; a dead mone/y retrospection.

Wow, it’s DEAD MONEY TIME BAYBEEEEEE. In all seriousness it’s fairly obvious how much this DLC impacts my take on The Courier, I’ve talked a lot about it but since this is the actual retrospection on it, I figured I’d elaborate more. I view Dead Money as Roy’s own hubris getting to him. Sure, plenty had gone wrong in his life and he’d been thrown into things far bigger than him– but nothing could prepare him for the horrors of this hotel. He adventures here coming off the thrills of what feels like a big victory still, winning over Hoover Dam, helping the people he cares about that are closest to him and then followed up by helping Zion and The Big Empty. While he’d experienced great loss and pain he OVERCAME those things, to help the bigger picture for the Mojave. He’s a little more reckless than he should be, and while he never WANTED to be a hero, a living legend, he’s definitely riding off the HIGH of it. After all, he used to be so fucked up on chems and alcohol this was a better high for him, one that he needed if he wasn’t going to do those (as often). So that brings us to the Sierra Madre, where it’s sort of like a (saw-esque) horror shit show. There’s traps, SO MANY TRAPS and it’s a wonder Roy can even walk properly from how many bear traps (and other traps) he set off. Having to pry them off with TREMBLING hands, in so much pain, but he keeps having to walk on damaged limbs, hoping the stimpacks he gets ahold of will do enough so he doesn’t pass out. I like to believe that Roy walks with a slight limp for a long while while his body heals, until he heads out to Boston eventually. He’s absolutely terrified to hear ‘Begin Again’ as well and it will send him into a straight up panic attack if he does. To be honest if he hears the voice of Vera Keyes at all, he WOULD probably still have a panic attack, but that song really does it for him. Then there was the GHOST PEOPLE, and how they wouldn’t die– like he’d shoot them dead but they’d eventually get back up. He’d never encountered anything like them and they were EVERYWHERE. He had to watch out for the TRAPS, for them and…the CLOUDS of toxic mist, that wasn’t even accounting for the COLLAR.

If Roy hears any sort of noise that resembles the sounds from the explosive collar that’s an easy and surefire way to send The Courier into a panic attack too. The whole time in the hotel/casino he thought he was going to die, he was a TRAPPED animal, he was mad for all of thirty minutes maybe after first talking with Father Elijah’s hologram at the fountain and then it was only FEAR. Of course the story is supposed to be about letting go of GREED, which I find interesting because Roy doesn’t want or need anything monetary. He was fine living off of next to nothing and after working for Mr. House he wants for next to nothing and is financially cared for. So for him to have to learn a lesson about greed and not want the gold in the vault that people are dying over? What lesson is there to learn? The interesting part about Roy is the lesson is about his greed for his emotional needs. He is starting to think he might like playing the hero if people LOVE him, the very thing he’s always wanted is VALIDATION and exploring the wasteland helping people has gotten him that. The Courier’s greed is a greed of ADORATION. So while Roy doesn’t want gold he does want the GLORY because that means he can feel loved, something he just doesn’t otherwise. It’s honestly sad because his selfish tendencies come from well meaning places and feelings that he doesn’t know how to properly express. He just at his core wants to be loved, if he can’t be loved then he’ll at least settle for being NEEDED and that drives him to do crazy dangerous things to earn that dopamine hit of validation, that attention from people. Roy will always be that scared little kid that was tormented by a man much bigger than him, he may get violent and angry in his grief so it doesn’t happen again but he is STILL that child that NEVER got closure and will always fear the man who harmed him. While Joshua brings those feelings out in Zion because of the biblical talk, it is Father Elijah who REALLY brings the cruel nature home for Roy. Father Elijah SCARES The Courier, if only because his nature is truly vile, evil, unlike the other antagonists he’d faced who in some way at least had ‘well meaning’ convictions or reasons that were sympathizable even if he didn’t agree with them. I think it’s just the fact that Elijah has so many levels of mind games too that it just really reawakens that primal childhood fear in Roy. I think that’s the true tragedy of Dead Money for me, when it comes to Roy, is that The Divide was supposed to be the place where his journey would eventually end in some prophetic way and maybe if he was any other courier it WOULD have,,, but it doesn’t because he’s been a victim of child abuse that has lingered in ways that he never processed. So instead of The Divide being that place of a great battle, his moment is really…here. What's worse is that while leaving Father Elijah to eventually suffer and die in that vault it’s only momentarily satisfying.

Eventually, I honestly believe that while Roy will say otherwise, much like his father he’ll always wonder if Elijah somehow was able to escape. I also think that it takes a long time for Roy to emotionally heal from what happened there and that’s not considering how he’d physically have to get used to his body now. I imagine his dysmorphia about himself would be worse for a long time. It’s particularly sad to me that even in his abject horror and unbridled grief, what grounds him is his love for other people. His eyes catching a snow globe to give to Mr. House, thinking that he couldn’t possibly die without bringing that back to him. It’s almost comical to him, the whole situation between all the talk of letting go when he’s missing an arm but he has a gold bar in his hands–! Granted it’s because he tried to kill Father Elijah with it. It’s not the gold he couldn’t let go of though. It’s his ANGER, his RAGE but more importantly... it's his GRIEF and it’s only love (take that as you will ofc, I think there’s a lot of complicated feelings there and again maybe I’ll make a post about Roy and the people he loves eventually, how he doesn’t know how to process those emotions either) that saves him from dying in the end. In the end he saves the other three captors, with their help previously. There’s a line in Dog/God’s epilogue that I love, ‘And the mutant prayed the Courier that had saved him... had been saved in return.’ It’s supposed to be about what happens at The Divide later and while his retrospection there saves him from any worse emotional harm, I think it is more important here rather than there. It’s also worth noting that in his canon the others don’t just leave without saying goodbye because Roy would end up dead. He just believes they did because he was so in and out of it when they tried to patch him up in the autodoc there to stabilize him, that he barely remembers what happened, so much as it was just him waking up still NOT OKAY because his arm was cut off among the other physical traumas and he eventually heads back home still half dead. Again it is his love for others that physically saves him too, because of his sacrifice for them, they help him. The Courier is only saved from dying, spared by the Sierra Madre and its unwilling inhabitants because of the very thing that Sinclair couldn’t attain. He could build a MONUMENT to love but it didn’t save him, it didn’t save her either, but it saved The Courier who had saved countless others. The Sierra Madre took away so much from him but it was also the only place with the only people to give back to him in a way that the rest of the Mojave hadn’t.

[ofwrxth]

BASICS

Name: Noah St. James

Age & Birthday: 28, July 13

Gender/Pronouns: cisman & he/his

Species: Werewolf

Birthplace: Boston, MA

Job/Role: Tech/Media

Positive traits:, Dauntless, Honest, Relentless

Negative traits: Aggressive, Competitive, Self-absorbed

ABOUT

Noah and his twin sister Hazel born in Boston to Mark and Willa St. James, tech moguls who were killed in a tragic car crash when they were 12 years old. They ended up being carted off to their grandmother in Maine where they were for two years. But grief and old age proved too much for her fragile witch's heart and she passed within 2 years, just after the twins triggered. At which point their dad's reluctant brother stepped up and the St. James kids were shipped to New York where he was a high up in media.

Thus began their lives in the city that never sleeps. They were mostly kept out of the family business, with cursory knowledge of what was going on, per their parents will that they be informed and educated on what happens within their company – Nova Tech. Several subsidiaries were absorbed by a Nova Tech partner, with others remaining in family control until 2017 when he company went public, with Noah and Hazel maintaining large shares.

By this time, Noah was working in sports broadcasting, having had a decorated career in ice hockey before a scandal knocked him out of the game three years ago. It had been a great outlet for the wolf whose grief over his parents death translated into anger. He was an asshole growing up, but managed to keep friends of similar dispositions within the elite circles they occupied. Their uncle wasn't exactly hands on, but warmed to the kids as the years went on, having never thought of children for himself.

Overall, Noah is loyal to those closest to him – he's blunt and to the point. While he's not perfect, he’s never pretended to be. He claims that he's an open book, but the only thing he's not quite honest about is the way his early upbringing and the death of people closest to him fucked him up. How it stoked a fire in him that never went out – one of anger, resentment and aggression.

It's part of the reason he's an attendee at Asphodel currently. A recent incident of a fight with paparazzi was circulated, leading to a temporary hiatus from his job at the network and his sister asking him to get help. And his uncle saying that if he didn't, it'll cause a headache for him and nepotism can only go so far for jobs on tv when one of your broadcasters was seen smashing in a paparazzo's face the other night. He's doing extra community service around the institute now after another fight with some vampire. He doesn't love the place, and he's a reluctant participant at best, but he's there when he needs to be, and when he's not, he's off creating problems for himself and others.

[cellsshapedlikestars]

Prompt: Dany and Drogo at bachelor in paradise. Shit gets MESSY :D

WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO ME. (but also thank you, this was very fun to write)

First, this is set in the same universe as the last BiP prompt fic that I wrote YESTERDAY because I have no chill and haven't stopped thinking about this prompt since you sent it.

Second... this is from Jon's POV, because there is no way I have the voice down for either Dany or Drogo.

Third, oops Jonsa slipped in there

Fourth, this is much shorter than the other one and I wrote it in like an hour so please ignore any typos I barely edited this

...

read it on ao3 here:

ephemera, chapter 31

...

Jon lounges back on the cabana bed and stares off at the ocean and sips idly at his tequila soda. He almost asked for a beer, which is what he really wanted, but he'd have to chug it, or it would be warm in no time in this heat.

So far, Paradise is pretty much exactly what he expected.

He's not really a fan of the beach. He grew up in Boston and he's much more inclined towards raging snowstorms than this oppressive heat.

Well, he says that now. He knows he'll think differently in the winter, when he's back in Boston and freezing his ass off trying to get to work on roads that aren't safe to drive. But for now he swears heat is worse.

Off in the distance, he can hear shrieks of laughter, and he hopes everyone else is having fun. It's not that he's having a bad time, it's just... exactly what he expected. A beach. A bunch of people he doesn't really have much in common with. Cameras. At least he's getting paid to be here, this time.

The only thing that had thrown him off was their host, but he tries not to think about how he made an absolute ass out of himself when he first arrived. He's almost dreading seeing her again, even though he swears by the end of it, she was flirting back. But if he's being honest, he's terrible at knowing when women are flirting with him. That's why he got along so well with Ygritte – she was direct. She came up to him, told him she wanted him, and that was it. And Alys in high school was mostly the same.

He thinks the host – Sansa, god but her name is pretty – is the first girl he's ever asked out. Every other time, it's been someone asking him. Jon's never put much effort into pursuing anyone before.

He groans and grabs a pillow and plops it over his face, hoping it will block out the glaring sun and maybe he can actually get a nap in. He didn't sleep well - this place doesn't have air conditioning, and he'd tossed and turned all night.

He's just – finally – dozing off when he hears voices. Two of them, male and female, and he wants to groan into the pillow when he realizes they've taken the cabana bed next to his. That means there's cameras here now. They've mostly left him alone while he's been relaxing by himself, but they're always around when there's more than one person. He sort of wishes he'd left his t-shirt on. He's been trying to keep it on as much as possible because he doesn't need more people on the internet talking about him, but he'd taken it off because it's just so fucking hot.

Hopefully the cameras don't see him. He's fairly certain the couple hasn't, considering the tipsy giggle coming from the girl and the wet sounds of kissing.

“You have so many muscles,” the girl says, and Jon can feel his face twist into a grimace. He knows that voice.

When he'd come down yesterday with his date card, he'd done exactly what Sansa told him to and talked to everyone before finally asking Dany. She was gorgeous and not at all subtle about being interested in going on the date with him, which he liked. But on the date itself, he'd watched her get bored of him.

It happens sometimes. Jon's a... well, he feels like maybe he's too normal for a lot of people. Too boring. He remembers one date trying to ease the sting by calling him quiet. And he'd seen it happen with Dany, the moment she realized he wasn't as exciting as the internet tried to make him out to be, though it didn't surprise him. It's exactly what he expected to happen here. By the end of the date, they both agreed they'd had a good time, but there was no romantic spark. And if he's being honest, he's not interested in any of the others romantically, either.

He should leave.

He will at the elimination ceremony, he decides. He'll cut his losses and leave on his own terms. And at least if he makes it to the elimination ceremony, he can see a certain red-headed host again...

“You must work out all the time,” Dany continues, and Jon can tell she's definitely day drunk. He's not surprised – the free sugary drinks combined with the unrelenting sun means everyone's drunk most of the time.

“I have to,” comes a deep voice, and Jon realizes she's with Drogo. Huh. Good for her. Jon can't even blame her for being mesmerized by Drogo's muscles. Jon had been, himself, when they first met. Drogo's one of those people you swear can't be real until you actually see them in person. “I'm the King of the Ring,” Drogo says, like he's quite proud of himself.

Right, Jon remembers. Drogo is a professional wrestler.

And then, with his somehow deep voice dropping even lower, Drogo murmurs, “you could be my Queen.”

Jon tries very hard not to gag behind the pillow that is still covering his face, and he tries to stay as still as possible because he really doesn't want them noticing him now. Dany lets out a happy moan and then there's more wet sounds and Jon would really like it if the earth could open up beneath him and swallow him whole.

He can hear them moving and he wants to remind them that they're on camera. He can't even see them and he knows, somehow, that there's a very heavy makeout session going on in the bed next to him.

This is fucking awkward.

Jon wonders if - while they're distracted - he could roll off the other side of the bed and then crawl his way to freedom. Undignified, maybe, but surely better than staying here.

“What the fuck,” a new voice chimes in, that Jon recognizes as Daario.

“Go away,” Drogo grunts, clearly annoyed.

“So one minute you're with me, then you're with him?” Daario asks, and Jon knows he's talking to Dany, not Drogo. “It's bad enough you went on the date with that mechanic.”

Jon rolls his eyes beneath the pillow at the weak insult. Daario obviously hasn't seen Jon on the next cabana bed over, either.

“I can do what I want,” Dany snaps, and the tone sends a shiver down Jon's spine. He remembers hearing some of the girls say that Dany has a temper, though Jon hadn't seen it on their date.

“She's mine,” Drogo grunts again. It's the best way Jon can describe the way he talks. Grunts and short sentences.

“Excuse me?” Dany seethes, and it takes all of Jon's willpower not to react – he's decided he's going to pretend he slept through this whole thing, so he tries to keep himself still.

“My sun and stars-” Drogo starts, but Jon can hear the other cabana bed creaking as someone stands.

“I don't belong to either of you,” Dany bites out, and then Jon can hear her footsteps retreating.

“Look what you did,” Daario huffs.

“What I did?” Drogo scoffs.

Jon resigns himself to laying here on this bed for a while longer, because the two men devolve into petty macho bullshit that he just knows is going to go on forever.

…

At the next rose ceremony, Dany gives her rose to Drogo and they seem cuddly and sweet together again and Jon has no idea when that happened, though Daario is pouting in the corner.

Mya gives Jon a rose and he debates turning it down – he swore he'd leave – but, well... Sansa's here, and his desire to go home is suddenly a distant memory. She's wearing a blue sundress that's really doing it for him. He knows he's staring at her – hell, he's pretty sure she knows he's staring at her, if the way she keeps glancing over at him and then quickly looking away means anything.

At the end, he manages to slip by all the crew and he steps up next to Sansa as production starts to shut down, and he says, “it's a shame you're off limits.” She turns to face him, eyes wide, lips parted in surprise. “I just think you would've really enjoyed that date, is all,” he shrugs.

God, he probably sounds as cringey as Dany and Drogo had.

Sansa's face flushes red and her eyes dart around, but then he watches her tongue dart out to wet her lips and he thinks – oh.

Maybe she really is into this.

Hope flares painfully in his chest as she turns to look at him again and says, “talking to me is against the rules.”

He deflates a little, and he says, “I can stop, if it's making you uncomfortable?”

It's back, the hope ballooning again as she hesitates, looks around again. “No,” she finally says, it comes out as a shaky whisper, “it doesn't make me uncomfortable.”

Jon can feel himself grin, and he takes a step back and says, “alright. I'll see you next time, then.”

He guesses he's not leaving after all.

…

Jon watches the finale from backstage.

All Sansa had to do was bat her eyes and give him a pout and here he was, agreeing to come out to LA for the live finale. She'd even gotten him to agree to go on stage for a one-on-one interview. She didn't do it to benefit the show, he's pretty sure – no, he's almost certain she wheedled him into doing this simply because she wanted to see him, even if she won't admit it.

It's fine. He'll admit it for the both of them. In fact, he'd admitted it on stage, in front of a live audience.

Either way, he's here, his time on camera is done and over with, and he's watching the final proposals, absolutely baffled as Drogo slips a ring onto Dany's finger.

When Jon left Paradise, they had been fighting again, just like they had been almost the entire time – fighting one minute, dry humping in a cabana the next. And now they're getting engaged, and Jon... well, he has no idea what to think about it. In an odd way, they do compliment each other.

He thinks it could go either way – either they're one of those couples that lasts, or they'll have an explosive breakup in three weeks.

But honestly, he sort of hopes they make it.

[nicklloydnow]

“The main problem in any democracy is that crowd pleasers are generally brainless swine who can go out on a stage & whup their supporters into an orgiastic frenzy - then go back to the office & sell every one of the poor bastards down the tube for a nickel apiece. Probably the rarest form of life in American politics is the man who can turn on a crowd & still keep his head straight - assuming it was straight in the first place.

Which harks back to McGovern's problem. He is probably the most honest big-time politician in America; Robert Kennedy, several years before he was murdered, called George McGovern "the most decent man in the Senate." Which is not quite the same thing as being the best candidate for President of the United States. For that, McGovern would need at least one dark kinky streak of Mick Jagger in his soul . . .

Not much, & perhaps not even enough so people would notice at lunch in the Capitol Hill Hotel or walking down the hallway of the Senate Office Building - but just enough to drift out on the stage in front of a big crowd & let the spectacle turn him on.

That may be the handle. Maybe the whole secret of turning a crowd on is getting turned on yourself by the crowd. The only candidate running for the presidency today who seems to understand this is George Wallace which might at least partially explain why Bobby Kennedy was the only candidate who could take votes away from Wallace in '68. Kennedy, like Wallace, was able to connect with people on some kind of visceral, instinctive level that is probably both above & below "rational politics." (page 127)

“McGovern's brain-trust, though, had come up with the idea that the Wallace vote was "soft” - that the typical Wallace voter, especially in the North and Midwest, was far less committed to Wallace himself than to his thundering, gut-level appeal to rise up and smash all the "pointy-headed bureaucrats in Washington" who'd been fucking them over for so long.

The root of the Wallace magic was a cynical, showbiz instinct for knowing exactly which issues would whip a hall full of beer-drinking factory workers into a frenzy - and then doing exactly that, by howling down from the podium that he had an instant, overnight cure for all their worst afflictions: Taxes? Nigras? Army worms killing the turnip crop? Whatever it was, Wallace assured his supporters that the solution was actually real simple, and that the only reason they had any hassle with the government at all was because those greedy bloodsuckers in Washington didn't want the problems solved, so they wouldn't be put out of work.

The ugly truth is that Wallace had never even bothered to understand the problems - much less come up with any honest solutions - but "the Fighting Little Judge" has never lost much sleep from guilt feelings about his personal credibility gap. Southern politicians are not made that way. Successful con men are treated with considerable respect in the South. A good slice of the settler population of that region were men who'd been given a choice between being shipped off to the New World in leg-irons and spending the rest of their lives in English prisons. The Crown saw no point in feeding them year after year, and they were far too dangerous to be turned loose on the streets of London - so, rather than overload the public hanging schedule, the King's Minister of Gaol decided to put this scum to work on the other side of the Atlantic, in The Colonies, where cheap labor was much in demand.

Most of these poor bastards wound up in what is now the Deep South because of the wretched climate. No settler with good sense and a few dollars in his pocket would venture south of Richmond. There was plenty of opportunity around Boston, New York, and Philadelphia - and by British standards the climate in places like South Carolina and Georgia was close to Hell on Earth: swamps, alligators, mosquitos, tropical disease . . . all this plus a boiling sun all day long and no way to make money unless you had a land grant from the King.

So the South was sparsely settled at first, and the shortage of skilled labor was a serious problem to the scattered aristocracy of would-be cotton barons who had been granted huge tracts of good land that would make them all rich if they could only get people to work it.

The slave-trade was one answer, but Africa in 1699 was not a fertile breeding ground for middle-management types . . . and the planters said it was damn near impossible for one white man to establish any kind of control over a boatload of black primitives. The bastards couldn't even speak English. How could a man get the crop in, with brutes like that for help?

There would have to be managers, keepers, overseers: white men who spoke the language, and had a sense of purpose in life. But where would they come from? There was no middle class in the South: only masters and slaves and all that rich land lying fallow.

The King was quick to grasp the financial implications of the problem: The crops must be planted and harvested, in order to sell them for gold - and if all those lazy bastards needed was a few thousand half-bright English-speaking lackeys in order to bring the crops in . . . hell, that was easy: Clean out the jails, cut back on the Crown's grocery bill, jolt the liberals off balance by announcing a new "Progressive Amnesty" program for hardened criminals . . .

Wonderful. Dispatch royal messengers to spread the good word in every corner of the kingdom; and after that send out professional pollsters to record an amazing 66 percent jump in the King's popularity . . . then wait a few weeks before announcing the new 10 percent sales tax on ale.

That's how the South got settled. Not the whole story, perhaps, but it goes a long way toward explaining why George Wallace is the Governor of Alabama. He has the same smile as his great-grandfather - a thrice-convicted pig thief from somewhere near Nottingham, who made a small reputation, they say, as a jailhouse lawyer, before he got shipped out.

Indeed. With a bit of imagination you can almost hear the cranky litle bastard haranguing his fellow prisoners in London's infamous Hardcase jail, urging them on to revolt:

"Lissen here, you poor fools! There's not much time! Even now up - there in the tower - they're cookin up some kind of cruel new punishment for us! How much longer will we stand for it? And now they want to ship us across the ocean to work like slaves in a swamp with a bunch of goddamn Hottentots!

"We won't go! It's asinine! We'll tear this place apart before we'll let that thieving old faggot of a king send us off to work next to Africans!

"How much more of this misery can we stand, boys? I know you're fed right up to here with it. I can see it in your eyes - pure misery! And I'm tellin' you, we don't have to stand for it! We can send the king a message and tell him how we feel! I'll write it up myself, and all you boys can sign it . . . or better still, I'll go talk to the king personally! All you boys have to do is dig me a little tunnel under the wall over there behind the gallows, and I'll . . . “

Right. That bottom line never changes: "You folks be sure and come to see me in the White House, you hear? There'll be plenty of room for my friends, after I clean house . . . but first I need your vote, folks, and after that I'll . . . “

George Wallace is one of the worst charlatans in politics, but there is no denying his talent for converting frustration into energy. What McGovern sensed in Florida, however - while Wallace was stomping him, along with all the others - was the possibility that Wallace appealed instinctively to a lot more people than would actually vote for him. He was stirring up more anger than he knew how to channel. The frustration was there, and it was easy enough to convert it - but what then? If Wallace had taken himself seriously as a presidential candidate - as a Democrat or anything else - he might have put together the kind of organization that would have made him a genuine threat in the primaries, instead of just a spoiler.” (pages 274 - 278)

[crackheadgeminibby]

better for you

pairing: chris evans x female!black!reader

warnings: age gap, angst, language

word count: 2.7k

a/n: this lowkey sucks and is very poorly edited, i’m sorry but on the plus side, i surpassed 400 followers yesterday!! so thank you to those 400+ people🤍🤍

i do not consent to my work being copied in any way, shape of form or reposted on any other platform

not my picture

You didn’t consider yourself a jealous person. Much less a jealous girlfriend. Not at all. Never had and you thought you never would.

You had practically raised yourself as your parents had always been more preoccupied with their jobs. You loved your parents, you really did, but when your high school counselor told you that you could graduate high school a year and a half early, you took the opportunity to start college immediately and move out of your parents’ house. This drastic change when you were so young made you become extremely independent. Which is why your relationship with Chris worked almost perfectly. You valued your independence, as he did his, and you respected his independence, as he did yours.

As a corporate lawyer that had multiple firms around the country, you traveled a lot, needing to meet with clients. Chris, as an actor, also traveled a lot.

You both trusted the other without a doubt at the beginning of the relationship despite that Chris was, at first, a little wary of being with someone as young as you. As a 24-year-old, he thought that you should be living your life, partying, sleeping with whomever you wanted without being tied down, but you had explained to him that despite your age, those were not the things that you wanted.

You and Chris were truly made for each other, knowing the other more than they knew themselves. You would even dare to call yourselves soulmates.

Which is why you could not fathom why you were in your current situation.

You had left early in the day for California, where you were overseeing the opening and start-up of your newest firm. Chris, on the other hand, had left 3 days ago to go on some trip his publicist had arranged for him. You hadn’t bothered asking what it was about, assuming that it was about ASP. Plus, you didn’t mind it: he had to do what he had to do.

But now, you couldn’t believe yourself.

You were sitting on your hotel bed, in a white and fluffy robe, fresh out of the shower. Your computer was open in front of you, the TV was blaring the news and you had your phone in your hand. It was almost 11pm but you had been doing this for at least 3 hours. All three electronics were talking about the same thing: Are Chris Evans and Lily James dating??

It was a bit your fault that people gave themselves the right to assume things like that, to be honest, since you had been the one to pressure Chris about keeping your relationship secret. You knew that people would talk and judge you for your 15-year age gap. You, personally, didn’t care and neither did Chris but his career was dependent on his public image and you didn’t want to hold him back, especially not at a pivotal moment in his life like right now.

So, you had agreed on telling your families and your very close friends and Chris had convinced you to let him tell his publicist, Megan. God, she fucking hated you. When Chris arranged for you guys to meet, she had called you “a walking, breathing PR disaster”. You had laughed it off calling her funny, but you knew that she was 100% serious. You really shouldn’t have been surprised that she would do something so fucked up at some point.

A bunch of different news outlets were pumping out new stories every 30 minutes, each article a little more detailed than the previous. It was all over the Internet and it seemed to be the only thing that people cared about today.

Considering the 8-hour difference between London and San Francisco, you hadn’t been able to talk to Chris at all since you got to your hotel. You weren’t even sure if you wanted to talk to him. He hadn’t even tried to talk to you. Why was he avoiding you and acting like he had something to hide?

You’re reading the latest Daily Mail article on your computer about how Chris and Lily apparently got to his hotel in the same car when you hear your phone ring on the nightstand. You don’t even bother looking at the caller ID as you reach for your phone, eyes still glued to your computer and answer,

“Hello?”

You hear a loud exhale on the other end of the phone before you hear Chris’ tired voice, “Baby, hi.”

You tense up slightly before asking, trying to seem nonchalant, “What’s up?”

“Have you watched the news today?”

You bite your lip, thinking, before replying, lying through your teeth, “No, why? What’s going on?”

Chris sighs again before answering, “Nothing, it’s fine. How was your day?”

You roll your eyes. Was he seriously not going to say anything?

“Fine, but it’s really late and I have to get up early tomorrow so good night.”

You hang up the phone before Chris can answer anything. You throw the phone at the end of your bed, frustrated beyond belief.

You continue to read the Daily Mail article as you hear a message coming in. You don’t bother to get up to pick up your phone as you see the message appear on your computer screen a couple of seconds later.

chris💙, 11:01pm:

Good night baby girl. Good luck tomorrow🤍

You groan loudly at his message. Even when he had pissed you the fuck off, his words still brought butterflies to your stomach.

You disregard his message and finish reading the article. You roll your eyes as you close your computer and get up to put it on the hotel desk. As you’re walking back to bed, you take your phone from the end of the bed and put it on its charger, ready to go to bed.

You’re not sure how you manage to fall asleep that night as your mind swirls with unending thoughts.

When your alarm wakes you up at 6am the next day, you feel groggy, having slept very badly last night. Which was to be expected.

You get up and change while eating a protein bar before heading to the hotel gym: you needed to do something to get your energy up. Once you finish your workout, you head back to your room to get ready for the day.

When you get out of the shower, you open your computer and, having left the Daily Mail website open last night, you see a new article posted 2 minutes ago: Chris Evans and Lily James seen on a date in a London park.You groan loudly, closing your computer as you hear that your cell phone is receiving multiple texts.

You reach for your phone on the hotel desk and your eyes widen as you see your lock screen.

5 missed calls

12 messages

You open your Phone app seeing one call from Chris, two from your best friend, one from your brother and one from your mom.

You open the Messages app as a new message from your brother comes in.

will, 7:31am:

When did you break up with your boyfriend? And why didn’t you tell me?

you, 7:32am:

i didn’t

yet

will, 7:32am:

You know i’m gonna fucking murder him right?

You smile fondly at your brother’s concern, chuckling softly as you type your reply.

you, 7:33am:

as you should(:

You open the rest of your messages, mostly asking the same thing. You didn’t feel like talking about it anymore so, you ignore them until you get to your conversation with Chris.

chris💙, 5:22am:

Hey, I’m sure you’ve seen the articles by now.

I’m so sorry

Call me when you can, please. I really need to talk to you.

You bite your lip as you think about what to answer. You didn’t have the energy to deal with this right before your firm’s opening. Shaking your head, you lock your phone, putting it back on the desk, getting dressed.

As you get back to your hotel room, exhausted from your day, you hear your phone signal an incoming text for the millionth time today.

You sigh loudly: you knew it was Chris texting you again. You had been ignoring his texts all day because you didn’t want to get in a bad mood while you were opening the firm.

You put your purse and work bag on the floor, unlocking your phone. You open the conversation with Chris, scrolling through his messages.

chris💙, 6:15pm:

I’m leaving a bit earlier than I planned, I should be home tomorrow morning.

Are you back in Boston or are you gonna stay in LA?

You sigh, feeling guilty that you had been ignoring his texts all day. You start typing a reply, your finger hovering over the send button for a couple of seconds before clicking on it.

you, 6:17pm:

i’m still in san francisco i’m leaving tomorrow morning

As soon as your message goes through, you see the three dots pop up in the conversation.

chris💙, 6:17pm:

Oh my God, hi. Are you okay?

Can I call you?

You chew on your bottom lip: you really didn’t think he was going to answer that fast.

you, 6:18pm:

i’m about to take a shower then i’m gonna go to bed i’m really tired sorry

chris💙, 6:18pm:

Okay, I’m sorry

Good night

You groan loudly. You really didn’t know why you felt so guilty: he was the one running around with another woman. As you think about this, you realize that you didn’t really know who she was.

You shake your head at yourself as you pull up Google on your phone and look for her. You don’t even realize it but, 20 minutes later, you were now at the oldest post on her Instagram.

You curse at yourself, dropping your phone on your bed, and head to the shower.

You stay under the hot stream of the shower for at least an hour before you finally get out, toweling off.

You order some room service for dinner, settling down in front of a random show playing on the TV. After pushing your food around for half an hour, you sigh loudly, put the tray on the hotel desk and get under the covers before finally falling asleep.

You had not slept very well so you had been in a rush to leave the hotel and catch your flight to LAX in the morning. You were exhausted and hungry when you got to your shared LA home with Chris but there was no food in sight, considering that neither of you had been here in a couple of months.

As it was not too late in the day, you decide to take a nap and order some food after.

When you wake up a few hours later, the sun has already completely set and the house is pitch black. You rub the sleep out of your eyes and take your phone before heading to the living room to order some food.

As you enter the kitchen and are about to head to the living room, you hear a deep voice, “Hey, you’re up.”

Taken by surprise, you throw your phone in the direction of the sound and scream, “Holy shit!”

“Ow… What the fuck?”

You’re breathing heavily, clutching your chest as you turn on the kitchen lights, brightness illuminating the area as you see Chris holding the side of his head.

“Jesus Christ, Chris! You almost gave me a fucking heart attack!”

Chris rubs at his head as he looks towards you. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.”

Your heartbeat starts to slow down as you roll your eyes.

“What are you even doing here?”

Chris frowns and replies, “Well, you never told me where you were going to be but when I got back to Boston and you weren’t there, I assumed you were coming here.”

You groan silently, crossing your arms over your chest and raising your eyebrows,

“So, London seemed to be very fun.”

Chris shakes his head, looking up at the ceiling, before making eye contact with you, “I didn’t know that’s what the trip was about.”

You chuckle humorlessly, “Really, Chris? Since when do you go on trips, not knowing what they’re about?”

Chris exhales loudly, taking a couple of steps towards you, “I promise that I didn’t know. Megan planned everything and just sent me the info.”

You snort loudly, rolling your eyes. Chris frowns before asking, “What?”

“Megan, Chris? Really? She fucking hates me, of course she would pull a stunt like this.”

Chris frowns again, shaking his head, “What are you talking about? She doesn’t hate you.”

You laugh, this time, actually finding this funny, “Chris, she literally called me a walking disaster.”

Chris struggles to find an answer to that: he knew that Megan used this exact kind of formulation so he couldn’t deny it.

“And you know what? It’s fine. Maybe you really should be dating her instead of me.”

Chris’ face contorts in a mix of hurt and anger, “Why the fuck would you say something like that?”

“Because it’s true, Chris. She’s better for you. She’s actually your age, not a fucking child compared to you. She can give you the things you want from life that I can’t. Maybe it’s better that way.”

“What way?”

You shrug your shoulders, looking at your feet, mumbling, “If we weren’t together.”

Chris scoffs, “You literally have to be kidding me.”

Chris takes large steps, making his way towards you and takes your chin in his hand, forcing you to look at him.

“Y/N, I’ve told you before and I will tell you again. I do not give a shit about your age. And I thought you didn’t either. So, what’s the problem here?”

You bite your bottom lip nervously, “Because what if what Megan said is true? I mean… If people find out that we’re dating, the shit talking would never stop. I can’t do that to you.”

Chris sighs, enveloping you in a hug.

“Baby, it doesn’t matter. None of it matters if we’re not together.”

He lets you go, stroking your cheek, “You’re it for me. There is no one better for me than you. And no one is going to take that away from us. Not you. Not Megan. And certainly not my fans. If they love me as much as they say they do, then they’ll respect you.”

You chuckle slightly, “Chris, I don’t know what kind of fantasy you live in, but in real life, that’s not how things go.”

“Okay, but who cares? There’s two people in this relationship, you and me. Not you, me, Megan and my fans.”

You scoff, mumbling, “Yeah, tell Megan that.”

“I will. The same goes for her. I didn’t know she actually meant those things about you and I’ll tell her that she needs to knock that shit off.”

You sigh, nodding slightly, “Okay.”

“And, baby, I’m sorry.”

You furrow your brows, trying to understand, “I never should have agreed to Megan’s little plan thing. But, most importantly, I should have told you as soon as I knew. It’s just that I kinda owed Lily a favor and she needed this. But it doesn’t erase the fact that I should have been honest with you and I’m sorry I wasn’t.”

You sigh, “I know, it’s okay. I knew this kind of thing could happen when I decided to be with you, and I overreacted a bit so I’m sorry too. I knew it wasn’t true and I should have asked you about it instead of ignoring you. I just… couldn’t let go of the fact that maybe you should be with her.”

Chris shakes his head, “I shouldn’t. And I never will be.”

Chris laughs a bit before continuing, “Sorry, but you’ll have to try harder to get rid of me.”

You laugh loudly, throwing your head back. Looking back at Chris, you smile warmly before hugging him,

“I love you, Chris. Like, a lot.”

Chris chuckles, squeezing you tighter, “I love you too.”

[rafesgfs]

side to side

Warnings: swearing

Word count: 4.6k

Summary: In which you're performing your hit single in front of your fellow Avengers cast-mates and Chris can't seem to take his eyes off of you, catching the attention of a few cameras.

"I'm here with the biggest pop-star of this generation, and she plays the very talented daughter of Tony Stark," the interviewer announced your name, smiling brightly at you as the camera panned your way. The hundreds of thousands of fans at home screaming when your face appeared. "How do you feel with all your nominations tonight?"

You smiled at the camera, giving a small wave at the people watching at home. "Honestly, I'm just glad I was even considered for these nominations. I mean, my girls Taylor, and Billie...they're amazing and I'm so happy to be put in the same category as them."

The lady grinned at you, her eyes twinkling. Or maybe it was her sparkly dress, the fabric nearly blinding you with how it shined under the lights. "If you ask me, you've got a pretty good chance at winning. I mean, your hit single—Side to Side—surpassed, like, a billion views in just a month? That's impressive."

"Well, I couldn't have done it without my fans." you replied, winking at the camera.

It was that time of the year again, where every artist, actor, and YouTuber hit the stage for the People's Choice Awards. With your crazy schedule, and the lack of sleep, you had planned to skip the award show until your friend, and co-star, Chris Evans—Captain America himself—convinced you otherwise. Even with the categories you've been nominated for had been more than a handful, but it was the begging and constant complaining from Chris that made you get off your tired ass and put it into a tight dress.

Your hit single, Side to Side, had everyone anticipated for your performance, unsure if you would be performing until the producers had put your name into the advertisement, making fans blow up Twitter. You were sure they had advertised your own song, along with your movie nominations, more than you ever had.

With nominations of Movie of the Year (Avengers: Infinity War), Action Movie of the Year (Avengers: Infinity War), Female Movie Star of the Year (Amara Stark), Female Artist of the Year, Song of the Year (Side to Side), Music Video of the Year (Into You), Beauty Influencer of the Year, and Social Celebrity of the Year, you had your hands full, which had only made your manager glow with happiness.

"Of course!" the interviewer agreed, glancing at the teleprompter filled with tiny words. "It was rumored that you wouldn't be coming, and a lot of us were upset, including me. Was that just a rumor or..."

"Actually, it's not that far off. I'm fucking—oh, shit—oh no!" you gasped, covering your mouth before anymore foul words could come out on live television. Instead of correcting you, the lady laughed, patting your arm softly. "Can't say that on tv. My bad. I, uh, with everything going on, I've been really tired, and I haven't slept in a week. I just wanted to chill, and accept my nominations at home but someone convinced me to come. So, if I say or do anything ridiculous tonight, I'm blaming him and my lack of sleep."

She nodded, clapping slowly. "I think that's fair. Is that someone, your onscreen father, RDJ?"

"He was one of the many people who unsuccessfully changed my mind, but no, it was Chris Evans. He promised me a day with his adorable dog, Dodger, and I couldn't refuse." you said, grinning at how his face had changed from hopeless to cocky as soon as he brought up Dodger.

"If I'm remembering this correctly, Chris Evans is that very handsome man you had kissed in your music video earlier this year. Into You, right? How do you feel kissing one of your co-stars outside of the movies your working on?"

"Technically, it was still acting, and I have kissed him before, so it wasn't awkward at all." you answered, glad Chris had accepted the role. Not only had it sky-rocketed the views and streams, but it made you feel better that it was his lips you were kissing and not a random model's. Yet, it didn't feel as professional as it had before when you pulled away after a take.

In scenes where you had to kiss the Boston actor, it was as professional as kicking Anthony Mackie's ass in Civil War but the kisses you shared on the set of the music video was definitely more personal. At the time, you had brushed it off as Chris being recently single, but now that you had broken up with Henry, you started questioning it again.

The interviewer nodded, squinting once more to read the words off the teleprompter before asking you another question that would certainly make the headlines. "I've been reading up on all those juicy tabloids and I've got one question that would satisfy my curiosity. Was Into You written about Henry Cavill or Tom Ellis?"

Usually, that type of question made you change the subject or altogether avoid the matter but this time, you wanted to joke about your failed engagement. "Henry, but Side to Side was written about Tom since I wanted more Grammy's considering the last album I put out won me a few. But this time, I'm gonna do it without an engagement."

The woman faked a laugh, surprised by the blunt honesty of your answer. "Um, you certainly do have a thing for British men, eh? I don't want to keep you up, but one more thing, for the fans. They've been dying to know if there's anything going on between you and Chris Evans. Any tea you wanna spill?"

"There's none to spill. We're just friends but it's always amusing scrolling through Twitter to find these edits of us." you replied, fidgeting slightly with the hem of your dress. Like usual, you had wondered if you should've worn something less extra but you had let your stylist play dress up with you for the past few months.

"Of course. Well, good luck to you, and I can't wait to see your performance." she said, giving you a little pat on the shoulders before announcing your name once again.

You got off the little platform, immediately taking Chris' awaiting hand, holding onto it as you climbed down the steps in your dangerous stilettos. Sighing, you leaned on him, trying to avoid the blinding camera flashes. "That was more exhausting than I thought it would be. You need to get me some caffeine after this is over because there's no way I'm making it to the after show without at least a few cans of Red Bull."

"So dramatic." Chris grinned, childishly sticking his tongue out as he guided you down the red carpet, stopping when told to take a picture. He let go of your hand, only to wrap it around your waist as you posed for the pictures. "Are you going to the after party?"

Posing seriously for a few seconds, you let your smile back on your face, facing the man beside you. "I was thinking about it, take a few photos, and head back home. Aren't you?"

"Actually, I was thinking we could ditch it and just hang out. You know, I did promise you some time with Dodger and you could waste a couple hours sleeping." he replied, his hand tightening ever so slightly on your waist. Flashing you a shit-eating smirk, he nudged you a little, pulling you away from the blinding flashes. "What do you say?"

You opened your mouth to answer only to be cut off by your manager, Alexandre coming out of nowhere to rip you away from Chris' arms. The latin man sighed in annoyance, glancing at his watch while giving you the look you've seen too many times before. "You're supposed to be in wardrobe right now. Get your ass backstage, and change before you miss your own performance. As for you, Mr. Evans, Megan wants your ass in a chair."

"I'll see you after." you say, getting dragged by your manager, winking at the actor before walking towards the changing area, the cameras following you until they couldn't enter the area.

Getting ready before a huge performance always calmed you down, maybe it was the smell of makeup or the feel of designer clothing made especially for you, but something about it made you feel comfortable and cozy. It was like a routine, especially with all the music videos and movies you had to film, the makeup, the hair.

They made you sit back, giving you your phone like a child while they made you even more sparkly than before, making sure you'd stand out against the flashing lights during the performance. A performance you made sure no one would ever forget. Smiling, you let your thoughts drift back to a certain super soldier as you were pampered.

—

"Welcome to the People's Choice Awards!"

The room darkened, the blue and pinks lights focusing on the stage as cameras all turned towards your shadow. Making sure your mic was set properly, tried to see past the darkness, to see a familiar face or two but with the headache coming on from the tight half-ponytail didn't help your case. The music started, the beat vibrating, you flipped your hair, and started.

"I've been there all night

I've been there all day (Nicki Minaj)

And boy, got me walkin' side to side (Let then hoes know)"

You rode the bike, belting out in your microphone, the attached headset limiting your movements a little. Gripping the handles, you made eye contact at the camera to your left, winking at it as you pedaled.

"I'm talkin' to ya

See you standing over there with your body

Feeling like I wanna rock with your body

And we don't gotta think 'bout nothin'

I'm comin' at ya

'Cause I know you got a bad reputation

Doesn't matter, 'cause you give me temptation

And we don't gotta think 'bout nothin'"

As you had sung, your eyes had adjusted to the bright spotlight focused on you, seeing a shadow of the one person you wanted to make you walk side to side. While you had answered the reporter's question, you hadn't been completely honest. Some of the lyrics had been written for the Bostonian; or to be more exact, your sex fantasies. With the chorus coming up, you let go of the handles, trying not to fall on your ass as you clapped your hands above your head, the claps matching the beat.

"These friends keep talkin' way too much

Say I should give you up

Can't hear them, no, 'cause I..."

Trying to be bold, you stared at him, his face in particular. The spotlight had blinded you so much that you couldn't see what his reaction was—or anyone's for that matter—but maybe it was a good thing. After all, his gaze always made you blush no matter how hard you tried not to. Pedaling faster, you threw your head back, hoping the motion would draw everyone's—Chris'—eyes on your chest.

"I've been here all night

I've been here all day

And boy, got me walkin' side to side

I've been here all night

I've been here all day

And boy, got me walkin' side to side"

With the help of a shirtless dancer, you got off your bike, taking the sheer jacket from him, and putting it on as you walked towards the front of the stage, moving your hips in to the beat of the song. Resting a hand on a shirtless dancer, you positioned yourself so you were grinding your ass against his crotch, throwing back an arm around his neck.

"Been tryna hide it

Baby, what's it gonna hurt if they don't know?

Makin' everybody think that we solo

Just as long as you know you got me

And boy, I got ya

'Cause tonight I'm making deal with the devil

And I know it's gonna get me in trouble

Just as long as you know you got me"

Sashaying to the little balance beam at the front of the stage, you made sure your hips swayed more than usual.

"These friends keep talkin' way too much

Say I should give you up

Can't hear them, no, 'cause I...

"I've been here all night

I've been here all day

And boy, got me walkin' side to side

I've been here all night

I've been here all day

And boy, got me walkin' side to side"

A few seconds after your note ended, you strike a pose on the balance beam, posing for a few more seconds while the cameras turned their attention away from you and onto the queen of rap herself: Nicki Minaj. The leather, pink bodysuit was identical to yours except for the color, her attitude fitting the badass outfit. She began to walk towards the stage, never breaking eye contact with the camera in front of her while the men pretending to work out to the choreo.

"Uh, yeah

This the new style with the fresh type of flow

Wrist icicle, ride dick bicycle

Come through yo, get you this type of blow

If you want a ménage, I got a tricycle

All these bitches' flows is my mini-me

Body smoking, so they call me Young Nicki Chimney

Rappers in they feelings 'cause they feelin' me

Uh, I-I give zero fucks and I got zero chill in me

Kissing me, copped the blue box that say Tiffany

Curry with the shot, just tell 'em to call me Stephanie

Gun pop, then I make my gum pop

I'm the queen of rap"

By the time she had finished her verse, you had caught up with the multitasking of both working out and singing, able to use your full singing capabilities for your high note. Nicki joined you on stage, hyping up the crowd while you built up for the high note, almost every camera pointed at you except for the one focused on capturing the headline-worthy expression slapped on Chris' face.

"These friends keep talkin' way too much

Say I should give em up

Can't hear them, no, 'cause I...

"I've been here all night (Been here all night, baby)

I've been here all day (Been here all night, baby)

And boy, got me walkin' side to side (Side to side)

I've been here all night (Been here all night, baby)

I've been here all day (Been here all day, baby) (Ooh, baby)

And boy, got me walkin' side to side (Side to side)"

Both you and Nicki motioned for the dancers to come towards you, curling your index finger at the sexy men. Singing the refrain, you both made them drop to their knees in front of you, as if they were kneeling at your command.

Just as the last note was sung, everyone clapped, the majority standing up, and more cheered. You noticed Chris hadn't done either, still sitting in his motionless while two camera men pointed their cameras at him. Your eyebrows furrowed, thankfully after the spotlight had shifted over to the miniature stage where the two hosts were babbling about nominations.

You were ushered off the stage along with the queen of rap herself, taking a few backstage photos before quickly returning back to your dressing room to change into your tailored dress. Your mind had wandered to why Chris hadn't applauded—not that he was obliged too, but a little something would've nice, especially with all the days put into the performance.

Taking a deep breath, you entered the big room, filled with your co-stars and other A-list celebrities. Little did you know you'd find out the reason to your question in the morning.

—

The loud ringtone woke you up, the sound obnoxious and borderline abuse to your ears. Beside you, Chris groaned, rolling onto his stomach, trying to muffle the sound of the call with his arm draped over his head. Putting him out his misery, you lazily reached for your phone, pressing the green button with dread, seeing the name across the screen.

"Hello—"

"You're trending on Twitter." Alexandre announced, happy with the results of the previous awards show. While it wasn't something as big as a Grammy or Oscar, judging by the amount of awards you had taken home, you became the people's favorite. "Hold on, lemme rephrase that. You and Chris are trending. Number one, world wide."

Glancing at the man sleeping beside you, you sat up, confused by the information given to you. You blamed Chris for making you stay up so late for your confusion. "Um, why? Did I accidentally have another nip slip?"

"What the hell?" Chris mumbled, rolling onto his back, his arm grazing your bare stomach. He immediately took it back, sitting up to look over your puzzled face. "What's going on?"

You shrugged, putting your phone on speaker so Alexandre could explain. Your manager chuckled, knowing you had stayed the night with Chris. He was just waiting for the day you'd finally have the guts to speak about the growing sexual tension. "Okay, Alex, explain."

"As much as I would love to go into full detail, I have other stuff to do so, I'm going to give you the basics. Chris' reaction to your performance went viral, people are shipping the both of you, and there's been thousands of memes made." Alexandre replied, a smile evident in his voice. "Anyways, I have to go. Got some interviews to schedule. Have fun getting your way out of this, Chris."

Your phone screen went back to the home screen, a picture of your family dog, Buster, smiling widely. Looking at Chris, you saw his eyes widened, his hands coming to rest of his face in embarrassment as he fell back onto the bed with a bounce, his head nearly hitting the headboard. "Oh, fuck."

"Are you going to show me what your face looked like or do I have to scroll through Twitter until I find it? Oh! Maybe they edited it in my performance." you thought out load, tapping on the YouTube app. You hadn't trusted yourself enough to log into your official account, knowing you'd probably make a mistake so you opted for having a secondary account where you could watch cat videos without the anxiety of posting something stupid.

Chris' hand snatched your phone away, tucking it in his pocket, the sweats he had slept in was somehow wrinkled, and his shirt damp from the warmth. "You wanna get some food? I'll cook some bacon but you'll have to make the pancakes 'cause the last time—"

"I wanna see your reaction." you whined, reaching across his stomach for your phone. Chris turned his body away from you, shielding the phone from your reach. "Chris!"

He waved your attempt away, rolling off the bed, his feet hitting the floor before you could fall back on the mattress.You poured, getting on all fours, crawling towards the edge. Chris took a step back, brows furrowing. "It's not important. Let's get you some food."

"Fine." you mumbled, an idea making you light up. Rolling off the bed, you glanced at his phone on the nightstand, exposed and easy to take. With quick reflexes, you grabbed his phone, rolling back on the bed until you reached the other side, making it impossible for him to reach for his phone back.

"Hey!" the Bostonian shouted, launching himself on the bed in attempt to get his phone back. He made a noise as you rushed out of your room, locking yourself in the nearby bathroom, laughing evilly when he threw himself at the door. He yelled out your name, his fist banging on the door. "I'm serious! Don't!"

Ignoring his begging, you opened his phone with your thumbprint. How ironic how much he didn't want you to look at his phone when he was the one who insisted you have the password to it. His arguments became louder as you opened up his Twitter, immediately heading to the trending section, seeing both your names at the number one spot.

"Damn, I look hot." you joked out loud, making Chris silent for a second before pleading for you not to continue. You smirked, scrolling through the tweets, trying to find his reaction. "Jesus Christ, what the hell happened to you? Did you fall on your face or something?"

Chris groaned, banging his head on the door in defeat as he heard your almost inaudible gasp, that quickly turned into little giggles. If he wasn't so embarrassed, he would've broken the door down to hold you in his arms. "Oh, no."

Bursting out into hard laughter, you fell into the large bathtub, hitting your head on the wall but you couldn't care less. The expression on his face during your performance had been borderline comical, the wide eyes, the jaw hanging open, the open hand resting on his chin while his eyes stayed strained on you the whole time, never wavering from your body, the sexy choreography making his jeans tight.

Cackling like the Wicked Witch of the West, tears ran down your cheeks, your stomach cramping from the maniacal laughter. Lifting yourself up from the tub, you stumbled to the door, your loud laugh ringing out towards the whole house. You let Chris in the bathroom, his phone quickly taken from your hand but it was too late. The blush on his cheeks wasn't going away anytime soon. You leaned against him, your head resting on his chest, while you panted out a question. "Why did you look like you were trying to attract flies in your mouth?"

Chris groaned again, covering his eyes with a hand while the other rested on your back. "You're not going to let me live this down, are you?"

"Oh, God, no." you giggled, wiping the tears away, beginning to calm down. Glancing up at him, you noticed everything above the shoulders was gleaming red, the embarrassment too unbearable for him. "Chris, you looked exactly like the first time we were forced to share a bed together."

"Yeah, you have that affect on me."

"You gonna tell me why you looked so ... shocked? Or do I have to search through Twitter and go with whatever fan theory makes the most sense?" you asked, unable to keep the smug grin off your face. Chris closed his eyes, wishing he hadn't made you come to the awards show in the first place. You raised an eyebrow, fingers itching towards his phone. "You know I'll do it, Evans."

The man raised his hands, taking them off of you as he paced around the bathroom, deciding if this embarrassing moment was the right time to finally confess. "It's just, you know, the dance was so ... sexual and hot that I probably wasn't the only one looking at you like that. You can't exactly blame me for being shocked, watching the girl I'm in love with—"

Chris stopped as you be watched the colors drain out of your face, immediately freezing when he realized what he had said. Both of you stared at each other, eyes wide, not moving a muscle, barely blinking; the atmosphere so tense neither of you were breathing, waiting for the other to talk. But neither of you wanted to go first, terrified.

It wasn't until you started to feel dizzy that you realized you hadn't been breathing, letting out a huge breath, trying to relax while Chris did the same, his hands shaking, a nervous tick he got whenever he was anxious. You got the courage to speak first.

"What?"

It was better than nothing.

Chris was so nervous he nearly ran out of the room. There wasn't some kind of handbook or script he could read, helping him tell one of his best friends how head over heels he was for her. So, he said what his brain was stewing. "What?"

"What—what?" you replied, unsure if he even said the L word, so lightheaded by the sudden confession.

The actor stilled, eyes widening even further, while his eyebrows shot up his forehead. "What?"

"What?"

"What?"

"Say what one more time, Evans, and I will make nothing but mac and cheese for the rest of your stay." you threatened softly, getting tired of not having an answer to your one-worded question.

Chris took a deep breath, hands trembling as he clasped them together, hoping to find the right words, hoping his inner thoughts would come out clear, giving you the answer you asked for. "I'm sorry. What do you want me to say?"

"What you were saying before. You know, before you looked like you saw a ghost and almost stopped breathing. I think that would be a good start." you replied, backing up to take a seat on the plush chair. Chris mirrored your actions, putting down the lid to the toilet before sitting down.

"This isn't the way I wanted you to find out." Chris whispered, his blue eyes trained on the emotions that flashed on your face. Your uncertainty of the situation didn't help his anxiety.

"Okay, um, were you going to tell me in the first place?" you asked, playing with the hem of your shirt—it had been a borrowed Patriots shirt from him. Looking back, you realized all the little things he'd done hadn't been because his platonic love for you. "Or were you just going to keep letting it be this way?"

Fidgeting with his hands, Chris peered through his eyelashes, seeing the hurt flash across your face before you quickly composed it. "Scott was hyping me up, trying to convince me to tell you before you got into another relationship. Do you know the real reason I broke up with Jenny? It hurt like hell when you announced you were engaged. Fuck, I couldn't even pretend to be happy because you were going to have the life I wanted with you, with someone who wasn't me. It was selfish and I got really mad at myself for being a dick."

"But—"

"And then the horrible, horrible relief I felt when you called off the engagement." Chris continued, his heart clenching. "Truth to be told, that was the day I found out I was in love with you, breaking things off with Jenny. Of course, I wanted to wait until you moved on, hoping to be the friend you went to but with my schedule, that was impossible. So, you seemed out comfort in Henry fucking Cavill."

"You're in love with me?" you whispered, hoping this wasn't some kind of cruel dream. If it was, you wouldn't mind staying.

The actor nodded, waiting for you to call him names and rush out. "Yes. You can leave or slap me or whatever you want to do but I love you."

You got up, running a hand through your hair. "Okay."

Chris' heart sank, wishing for any other kind of reaction, wishing you'd do something. Taking a deep breath, he got up. "Is this a goodbye?"

Frowning, you walked up to him, taking his face between with your hands, pressing your lips softly to his. You could feel his heart beat, the little organ beating so hard. You pulled away before he could recover from his shock, before he could kiss you back.

"Hello."