#the rage he would feel towards adora when he learns what she was doing as well.....my god

[horrorlesbians]

thinking about how rust 'prison is very, very hard on people who hurt kids. if you get the opportunity you should kill yourself' cohle would react when he learns that amma was the one to kill those girls

[cruelfeline]

That earlier post got me thinking about the difference between Horde Prime’s anger, and Hordak’s. Namely in terms of where it comes from and what its purpose is. Because my word, but there is a discrepancy, and it’s the sort of thing that I feel sheds quite a bit of light on how differently the two of them see the world.

When we meet Horde Prime, he is the picture of calm and collected, the classic affably evil villain who appears entirely in control of everything. And for a good portion of his time in the story, he is. He controls what we understand to be a vast empire. He controls the physical, mental, and emotional lives of countless clones who worship him entirely. He is totally in command of everything he interacts with.

So when we see his first angry outburst, it is less an “outburst” and more a targeted weapon. Horde Prime turns his vicious ire onto a trembling, pleading Hordak specifically to frighten him. To dominate him. To terrorize and punish him for the moral crime of taking a name and exerting his will. There is no loss of control here; once Hordak is dealt with, Prime calmly returns to his default cool, collected state. He is entirely the master of this situation, and when he exhibits anger, it is specifically to harm someone over whom he has power. 

An important aspect of this, one that differs from what we see in Hordak and adds a significant level of cruelty to Prime, is that he is so legitimately mighty that this sort of fear-based punishment has nothing to do with self defense or personal safety. It truly appears geared towards inflicting suffering on others for his own glorification. Essentially: when he turns his anger on Hordak, it is not because Hordak poses any sort of actual threat that needs to be fought off. It is purely to hurt him in a way that strokes Prime’s ego.

This use of anger, of violence, to hurt and punish others seems to be the chief purpose Prime has for the emotion. Granted, as the show continues and he loses his dominant position due to our heroes’ efforts, his expressions of anger fall more in line with frustrated outbursts, but to my mind, this is the exception rather than the norm for him. After all, he has been dominant for so, so long. And because he has been comfortably in charge, he has had little to be frustrated about. Thus, Prime’s anger is largely a weapon of manipulation and enforced fear, rather than a reaction to a lack of control until the very latter portion of the series.

Now: Hordak.

Hordak is very different. Hordak, given the deeply unfortunate circumstances he faces, has had everything to be frustrated about: his illness, his failed projects, his precarious leadership position. And because of these things, particularly said precarious leadership position, he does not enjoy the easy dominance that Prime enjoys. Every moment Hordak spends in command of the Etherian Horde is one during which he has to hide his defect and maintain the facade of all-powerful ruler. It is a stressful thing that threatens to fall apart the moment his ruse falters, not only shaming him but putting him in potentially great physical danger.

which... y’know... happens in season four via Catra; so not a false worry

Because of this, Hordak exhibits anger far more constantly than Prime; he is almost perpetually grumpy, ready to snarl at a moment’s notice since his reasons for anger are ever-present. Furthermore, he uses said anger less as a tool to hurt people for his own personal pleasure and more as a negative coping mechanism combined with a method of personal defense.

The negative coping mechanism is probably what we see most often: whenever things don’t go Hordak’s way, he lashes out. The most common casualty of this is a piece of property (RIP lil’ green wrench) rather than an actual person, strongly marking this form of anger as one used to vent frustration rather than to influence others in any way. Hordak, along with his brothers, functions under a doctrine of minimizing emotional expression. As a result, his ability to cope with negative experiences via a healthy expression of the resulting emotions is heavily stunted, leading to the outbursts we see. It’s not a positive aspect of his character by any means, but it is an understandable one: he never learned how to manage failure and disappointment in a constructive way, so he suppresses the related emotions until they come to a head and manifest in violent anger.

This is akin to what Prime exhibits in the late stages of his life, but because Hordak constantly experiences such vexing frustration, he expresses this sort of anger far more consistently than Prime does, to the point that I would hazard to say that it is his norm.

Now, looking at Hordak expressing anger and using violence targeting other people, we again can see that he differs from Prime. Prime, as stated before, has all of the power and thus no real need for this sort of violence-based maintenance of control and self-defense. When he wields his anger, it is to cause hurt. Hordak? Hordak has that fragile leadership standing alongside a frightening lack of personal agency, and so he does use his anger to attempt to maintain both. He wields it both to protect himself from people and to regain control when he loses it. Various instances come to mind (besides him trying to drive Entrapta out of his sanctum via Yelling (c)).

One involves Adora in the moments leading up to the portal activation at the end of season three. When Adora threatens to thwart Hordak’s plans and utters that awful word, “fail,” he reacts. He reacts to two things: the concept of Adora has a dangerous enemy, and the loss of control over his own life via the threat of failure. When he turns his anger on her (and later displaces it onto Entrapta when said anger causes his armor to glitch) it is to combat these two adversarial things in order to maintain his own safety and stability. Hurting Adora as some sort of twisted moral punishment is not the intent here; protecting himself, from both physical and emotional threats, is.

Another instance involves throwing machinery and yelling at Catra after the portal incident, once she mentions Entrapta. This marks another moment of Hordak combating the sense of losing control. He experiences emotional pain due to Entrapta’s mention, likely suffering feelings of loss and shame and abandonment, and in order to regain control over the situation, to feel less vulnerable, he directs his anger at the source of discomfort: Catra. 

In a similar instance, he throws a chip at Imp when the little spy teases him with Entrapta’s name, again seeking to defend himself against the unpleasant feelings her memory brings.

When Shadow Weaver and the Princesses invade his Sanctum, he loses composure and turns furious, throwing a column at them in an attempt to defend himself and his most private quarters. 

He does the same once he learns of Catra’s lies, erupting into a true rage once she further prods at his insecurities by asserting that Prime will not want him due to his being a defective mistake. 

Over and over, Hordak uses his anger to both protect himself from potentially dangerous people and to attempt to regain control over situations he feels are slipping from his grasp. Often when facing increased personal vulnerability. All of these moments show this very different set of reasons for expressing this potentially violent emotion compared to Prime.

It’s an interesting contrast, isn’t it? And one that serves to highlight the very different lives these two characters lead: one a cruel cult leader who has almost unfathomable power over his worshipers, the other a traumatized man trying to obtain power and security and stability in a life where he has nearly none. And their anger provides an intriguing lens through which to assess this contrast.

[lesbianbooradleypsued]

The Etherian Party Bus: Point Zero

Fandom: She-ra and the Princesses of Power Pairing: Adora/Catra  Word Count:  6,898

Summary: As Darla approaches the point of no contact with Etheria, Adora thinks about how they got to this point. Just 7 months ago they'd won the war, and now she doesn't know if her little crew will ever return. Or After the defeat of Hoard Prime, Catra and Hordak were exiled for four years. Adora and Entrapta refused to accept being separated from them for that long, and loaded the two of them on Darla and then set out for parts unknown in space. Adora is currently considering everything that has happened to get them to this point as they are about to leave contact range with Etheria. Catra joins her on the bridge.

Notes: So this is just one part of a series. They'll be posted out of order with the time stamps at the beginning. Haven't written in a long while so have mercy on me. X-posted to AO3 as well. 

Tags: Smut, Porn With Plot, Rough Sex, Biting, Scratching, light bdsm aspects, Top Adora, Bottom Catra, Blow Jobs, Adora Has a Penis, Recreational Drug Use, if i forgot a tag tell me, Fluff, Not Beta Read

Seven Months Out

The rhythmic thump of heavy bass from two floors down on Darla thrummed through Adora's relaxed body like a second heartbeat.

She was shamelessly lounging on the bridge in her Captain's chair in a pair of baggy grey sweatpants, a white tank top, and the comfortable black slip on shoes she wore day to day around Darla. Her right leg was draped over the plush arm of her chair and her left leg was cocked out, resting comfortably on the floor. Her right arm was folded behind her head and her left was lazily holding onto a glass filled with shimmery dark purple liquid that rippled in sync with the bass.

The bridge was dark save for the few ever present blinking red lights on the various dash boards and panels surrounding the six strategically placed seats that now comprised the ship's bridge. All Entrapta and Hordak's designs. It was just those lights and of course the large windows filled with the brilliant kaleidoscope of stars that were reflected in Adora's peaceful hazed over blue eyes.

She was lost in reflection.

In front of her were countless galaxies filled with countless lifeforms and Adora wanted to meet and learn about them all. And hopefully quell that insatiable drive in her that'd been building steadily for the last four months of the exile to just keep going.

Adora finally knew what a passion was now, something not born out of circumstantial upbringing or a sense of duty, but something you do because you want to. She wants to explore further every day just to find out something new, chart new stars, learn about a different species cultures. She wants to see what Catra feels like in her arms there with her through every new experience, so far removed from their prior life. Untethered. She knows very little about the First Ones, most of it not great, but she does know they were explorers. She figures that's where this passion must come from.

Behind her, falling further and further away every second is Etheria. It's so far away now it's no longer visible even at their highest scanning capacity.

After seven months in space, the last four of them spent finally finding out what kind of person she was outside of child soldier/She-ra, Adora's feelings about their abrupt, messy departure from their home planet had managed to settle down between resignation and dull betrayal.

It's still a very tender spot. Her logical brain understands that Catra and Hordak couldn't just escape any type of punishment for their literal war crimes. It wouldn't be fair to the countless lives forever changed by them. She also will begrudgingly concede that it would have been a slap in the face to every citizen of Etheria if Glimmer had just gone against the public demand and pardoned them. She is also begrudgingly grateful that Glimmer had ordered the most minimal punishment she had within her power as Queen.

But four years exile still seemed so long. Too long. Even longer now that she knew what her and Catra actually had. She thought she had loved Catra at seventeen, but that feeling was hardly a single star in the quadrant compared to the way she felt about her now. And she knew that with every day that passed, the feelings were just getting more and more intense. She couldn't imagine going four days without the magicat, four years was absurd.

Less than an hour after the sentencing they had left Etheria in a messy, absolutely traumatic scene on the front lawn of Brightmoon. Two of them were convicted criminals who had just been exiled from Etheria and two of them were Princesses who refused to just accept being parted for four years, the need to rebuild Etheria be damned. And as an extra spicy surprise they found out a couple of months in, that Double Trouble had stole'd away on Darla for reasons Adora was still unclear on. Something about drama and possibly being wanted.

The first few months in space had been a disaster Adora acknowledged, taking a sip of her drink and savoring the smooth herbal flavor. They had been blindly chasing the idea of restoring magic to the universe like it was their assigned mission, and not just a distraction from their current situation.

The immediate space around Etheria, it turned out, was not nice to begin with.

In the month since Prime's demise a power vacuum had opened up in the area. Entire planets were without the resources to rebuild themselves and were more than willing to fight for them, and there were opportunistic ships filled with bandits everywhere. It was chaos.

And they had flown into the middle of all that and loudly pronounced they had killed Prime and were magic.

Que a three month long shit storm.

They all just suffered.

Entrapta retreated into herself, barely coming out of the engine room unless they were under attack or broke down. She had been shaken to the core by her sudden loss of confidence in the friendships she had tentatively built over the last three years. Friendships she thought were built on mutual respect for their unique abilities and qualities. Entrapta knew she was the smart one. But only Adora, Scorpia, Wrong Hordak, and Catra had spoken on Hordak's behalf even though Entrapta provided sufficient evidence that by killing Prime in the way She-ra had, it had changed Hordak in fundamental ways. Yes he was responsible for what he had done, took responsibility for it, but he was also literally a new being.

When She-ra knocked Prime's ass out of Hordak's body and vanquished him, it was like being baptised, exorcised, and reborn simultaneously. All the clones had experienced it. Hoard Prime could not control them even again, could never take control of them again. An order coded into their very DNA that demanded them to conquer all for Prime was obliterated. That drive, an instinct really, had been as deeply ingrained into them as breathing was.

Hordak was not really washed anew like the other clones though. He didn't go from a mindless drone in a hive mind like the others, no, he'd spent thirty years waging war in Prime's name on Etheria. He was now without purpose. He was overwhelmed with emotions he did not know he was capable of that lurched violently from happiness to guilt and more often than not ended up at rage. He spoke very rarely to anyone but Entrapta unless it was to loudly argue with Adora or Catra or both of them.

Adora had spent those first few months just absolutely drenched in anger and bitterness. Her mind circled around all of the hurt that had been caused during the last three years. So much of it was Adora and Catra's. They were hit with traumatic event after traumatic event for three years, after a traumatic as fuck childhood. And against all odds they had escalated and pushed that stalemate of a war to an end where everyone won. And now because apparently they couldn't have nice things, and Adora was not smart, they found themselves in a big galaxy filled with unexpected dangers. And what were they doing? Chasing and dodging said dangers because they were just barreling ahead under her command asking every being they met if they needed their magic topped off. She was being absolutely reckless and every near catastrophe circled back to two thoughts. I'm not good enough and how could Catra love me?

Catra had felt horrible that Adora had just given up her life on Etheria so she could stay with Catra. But she felt downright evil that she had selfishly agreed to it with very little argument. Adora had pointedly told Catra that this was what she wanted. How could she deserve this? After everything that had happened Adora had chosen her? Wanted her by her side to explore this precious thing they'd started? How could she say no? It was hard for anyone but them to understand how much it meant for Adora to say those words aloud. She wanted Catra. She could not actually believe it still. Fought herself against the notion in fact. She spiraled in self hatred and guilt. Which of course meant she lashed out at Adora because that's what she did.

Adora and Catra got stuck in a vicious cycle of fight, avoid, apologize, rinse, and repeat that went on for two months. And then finally after a truly shitty day, even by those early standards, it came to a head. Catra gathered all three of the brain cells aboard Darla and had a big "aha moment". They actually had their first real mostly calm and open discussion about their feelings and baggage in their lives. They also had sex for the first time. It was a really big aha moment.

Adora hadn't thought it was possible to fall more in love with the magicat but she did. After the incident, Catra began opening up in earnest to Adora. She whispered confessions of love and attraction into her ear, began to slowly become more physically affectionate towards her. Adora's focus started to shift from saving the universe to saving them. If Catra was safe, she was calm enough to be vulnerable for Adora, and it turns out Adora needed that vulnerability like fucking oxygen. It made her better, made her feel like she could do anything in the universe she wanted. It made Adora believe that Catra loved her for her, and not for what Adora could do.

So less running around space with her whole ass showing; ending them up in dangerous situations every other day, and more let's just go away from that situation and see what's over there.

But not enough because they all nearly died in a fiery blaze three months in.

Adora had snapped after healing Catra's broken ribs, pointed Darla in the general direction of far away, and gunned it. They'd cleared the small cluster of planets nearest Etheria that they had been nervously darting around for three months, getting their asses handed to them, and just kept going. She just put the whole magical quest on the back burner indefinitely. It wasn't working, was actively endangering them in fact. It was not conducive to a vulnerable safe Catra.

When they were a safe distance away she had hidden the ship in an asteroid field and Meelog cloaked them. And then Adora had turned to Catra and asked her what she thought they should do next. It had been a very wise decision.

Catra had taken control immediately. First she encouraged/ordered Entrapta and Hordak to use their combined intelligence and any means necessary to get Darla up to date and better suited to surviving four years in space. They absolutely ran with it. They'd practically completely redesigned the layout of the ship and had even managed to expand its size over the last four months. Darla was taking on the character of a jigsaw puzzle with all the different colored materials covering her hull now. Double Trouble called it Junker Chic, Adora said she had character.

After that, and another near death experience for Adora, the magicat had proposed becoming diplomats of sorts for Etheria. Space was dangerous Catra pointed out, and that danger would likely come for Etheria again eventually. Having strong ties to planets already established in the quadrant has leaders could only be helpful.

And as her last decision Catra had released Adora from any responsibility except for occasionally parading She-ra out when the situation called for it. Her girlfriend had poked and prodded at the new ember of passion in Adora's heart until it was a raging fire.

It had been an amazing change in their lives.

Still seven months in space and in her heart, Adora was still so raw from the sheer trauma of the entire trial, convictions, and absolutely cataclysmic immediate aftermath. She'd had to carry Catra aboard Darla because the magicat was crying so hard. She felt...betrayed? Somehow used in a way she couldn't express? She had nearly died over and over and over again for Etheria. She nearly lost Catra forever for Etheria. And all they got were two weeks before everything went to absolute shit and strangers who didn't know the full story started demanding Catra's permanent exile. Some had even called for execution despite Etheria not having a death sentence. "Make one" someone had said. Adora had nearly ran them through with her sword.

Adora knows if they are ever gonna return at the end of the exile she's gotta heal more. Has to get to a place where she wants to go back. They all do.

Two decks down, in Darla's expanded cargo bayn the wildest party this side of Etheria was raging on at, what her body believed to be, very very late at night. The beat changed suddenly, becoming more powerful, and it startled Adora out of her musings. The tempo sped up and the bass pounded harder and Adora released a throaty chuckle. Her groin tightened, partly from the vibrations and partly from the effects of the drink coursing through her blood. She took a long swill of her glass and moved to rest her right hand firmly on her lap, rubbing her hardening dick through her pants and sighing in contentment.

The thing Adora lovef most about this aimless explorer diplomatic lifestyle they'd gradually slipped into was the culture they'd shared with scores of different species. The drink in her hand was supplied by the fourteen Chix'eks currently onboard the ship at the moment, who were also supplying the music.

Of all of the species they'd met so far, the Chix'eks are by far Adora's favorite. Tall and willowy bipeds, their shimmery smooth bichromatic scales come in countless color combinations and their facial features remind Adora of a bird of prey. They were also the most sincere, friendly beings Adora has ever met, and their language was beautiful. When Adora had been downstairs with them earlier she had taken her translator earpiece out and just listened to them. It was like glass windchimes in a steady breeze. They also were absolute party animals. Like having a pretty good time was in their specie's nature.

They'd been traveling with this group for the last two weeks for no other reason than they were all going the same direction for a bit.

The Chix'eks were highly intelligent and eager to share their knowledge and learn from Hordak and Entrapta's own wealth of knowledge, Catra and Double Trouble practically fed off of their clever sharp wit and general "we're always at a rave" vibes, and Adora just loves listening to their intricate music and sampling the various mind altering substances they have crafted over several millions of years of inherited knowledge.

Medicine was a specialty craft amongst their species. Their medicine was arguably the furthest advanced in this quadrant of space. The fact that the plants that grew on their home planet could affect every species they had met so far seemed fantastically impossible to Adora. But she had experienced it first hand when she'd contracted some kind of alien plague virus from hell and almost died. It was not a great time. Catra had new nightmares for several weeks. But by chance a group of the scaled beings had happened upon them and saved Adora just cause they could. And then offered to make some introductions to other friendly worlds in that part of space. They'd sparked that explorative vibe.

Oh yeah, and their passion for making addictive free, highly specialized, mind altering substances was a huge bonus.

She was glad they were on board right now providing her strange crew with comrade and the drink in Adora's hand that has allowed her to sit and think in total peace for the last hour. It would probably be one of those nights otherwise. Outside of the moments she spent wrapped up in Catra's arms, where nothing else existed but them, Adora still couldn't ever just relax. It was a little easier these days, maybe because now her mind was usually racing about exciting things, but tense situations brought out her worst self destructive habits.

And they were in a tense situation, party aside.

They were almost at the point in space where they wouldl no longer be able to contact Etheria and Etheria will no longer be able to contact them. Entrapta officially called it Point Zero. As it was, the contact they did have with home had a two week delay. They'd hovered around this point for the last month. They'd even recorded a message telling Etheria they'd be leaving contact range for a while. It was an open-ended goodbye disguised as an update, just in case.

Adora knew the decision to venture out beyond this point was on her shoulders.

Entrapta and Hordak would have loved nothing more than to gain new scientific knowledge so they could continue their shared passion for turning Darla into a flying impenetrable fortress. As well as collecting new tech to bring back to Etheria to modernize the planet.

Double Trouble wad having the time of Their fucking life expanding Their repertoire of mimicry far beyond the limits of Etheria, and raising hell in Their wake for the drama of it all. Their gift for espionage had been especially useful on several occasions as well, either to get them all out of a tight spot, or just to gather information for Adora's research.

And Catra. God Catra had absolutely burst like a supernova away from Etheria. Gone was the self loathing, guilt ridden magicat who was immediately resigned to being torn away from Adora and tossed onto Beast Island because she thought she deserved it.

Catra is thriving in space, completely free of the demons that plagued her on Etheria. She's still as snarky and sharp tongued as ever but nowadays she smiled more often than not. Her eyes were brighter. She purred almost constantly. And they hadn't fought about anything more serious than what to eat for dinner in months.

Catra had slipped into the not exactly legit role of Etherian Ambassador like a second skin. Her skill for strategy and diplomacy were nearly fully responsible for Adora's continued ability to study other species without coming across as some insane space tourist. They'd made real diplomatic ties with other planets because Catra was a strategic genius. All she asked of Adora was to bring out She-ra when the need for "oohs and aware" occasionally arose. A smiling eight foot tall muscled goddess with a sword really topped off a presentation.

Adora had never in her life seen Catra so happy and carefree.

But still all that aside, Catra had made it very clear that where Adora wanted to go, she wanted to go. They were in sync now more than they'd ever been in their lives, more than Adora suspected they could have achieved on Etheria. Their bond seemed impenetrable after seven months of constant reliance on one another, cohabitation, and working through most of their shit. When they moved these days, they moved as one.

Just thinking about her lover made Adora's heart race in her chest and her dick jumped, going from a semi, to rock hard in seconds. She inhaled deeply at the sensation, and downed the last of her drink.

The drink wasn't usually this potent. Adora had been drinking a much lower dosage of it every morning at breakfast for a couple of months. It helped her to concentrate during the day, helped to keep her thoughts from spiraling when things were tense or she felt like she'd messed up. Entrapta had explained brain chemistry to Adora briefly, she got the gist of it. She didn't need to have an in-depth understanding of it to get that it really helped just manage everything.

Tonight's drink though was not about mental health management and all about that really good Chix'ekian time.

She set the empty glass on the small table at her side and shifted so she could pull her hardened cock out of her pants. The drink had a massive effect on her senses and her libido. Everything was so intense. It felt like she perceived time slower.

For example her sense of smell was so heightened now she could smell Catra, knew she was making her way down the hall to the bridge. Her heady earthy aroma was addictive. Adora had only been minutely aware of it growing up, when they were pressed up against each other in their bunk, or claws to sword in battle. She'd never stopped to examine the nature of it, why Catra had such a distinctive scent compared to everyone else. She hadn't understood pheromones. She didn't understand the magicat instinct to mark and claim. She understood now though that Catra was different on a very basic level from Adora. It made Adora love her more.

The door barely made a sound as it opened and closed. Adora stroked herself lazily as she listened to Catra pad softly across the carpeted floor, her eyes still drawn to the wild unexplored space in front of them.

She felt Catra move around her chair and her eyes turned away from the view to watch her girlfriend kneel in front of her lap, rest her head on Adora's thigh, and begin gently running a clawed hand over Adora's exposed stomach, inches away from where Adora was stroking her own dick.

Catra's eyes were wide, pupils blown, and her voice when she spoke was practically sinful. "Hey Adora," she rasped out looking up at Adora as she scent marked her inner thigh. Adora took a deep breath and her lips curled into an absolutely love drunk smile.

"Hey Catra," Adora replied, her free hand immediately going to Catra's cheek and scratching behind her ear.

Her gaze drifted down to Catra's neck, and the thick white collar affixed with a golden o-ring she was wearing. This was a rather recent addition to their relationship and Catra had only ever worn it in their cabin. But she smelt of the woodsy incense the Chix'eks liked to burn and the herbal blend they'd created for Catra to smoke. Which meant Catra was wearing it at the party. Her dick twitched in her hand.

Catra purred at the affection and movedn her hand from the blond's stomach to swat away Adora's hand from her straining dick and began softly stroking it herself. The fine furs on her palms felt amazing to Adora's overly sensitive cock and she groaned with pleasure, head lulling back as she buried her hand in Catra's wild shoulder length hair.

"Those Chix'eks really know their stuff," Catra hummed as she shuffled closer and higher on her knees so she could press a small kiss to the base of the blond's length.

"Feeling good?" Adora asked, chuckling. She tightened her grip on Catra's mane slightly and kept her in place against her dick. She moaned when the corner of Catra's lips pressed momentarily against her balls.

"Feeling great," Catra said before beginning to lick at the hot flesh in front of her face "I'll be bummed when they break off to go home."

"Oh my god same," Adora said laughing and breaking out into a wide smile. Gently she pushed Catra backwards and sat upright in her chair, kicking her shoes off and to the side.

"You know," Catra said as Adora pulled her back towards her lap, "we're about ten minutes till we're out of range."

She might have said it conversationally but Adora knew Carta was nervous about Adora's decision. But Adora was not. Just like she wasn't nervous when she leapt into the darkness in Prime's ship, just like when she chose to spend some well deserved time with the love of her life over "duty", and just like the time she gave Catra control of their situation.

Adora pushed Catra back, leant forwards, and cupped both of Catra's cheeks, fingers immediately curling around her ears. She kissed the magicat on the forehead and deeply inhaled her scent. "Kitten I sent the message and set the course for straight ahead when I came in here an hour ago. I want to see what else is out there." Her blue eyes flitted up hungrily to the stars and then back to Catra before she reclined back into her chair.

Catra didn't look up, but she did release a suspiciously watery chuckle before she shifted forwards and wrapped her perfect lips around the head of Adora's cock suddenly. She took it deep down her throat so fast it seemed effortless. Adora groaned obscenely and buried her hands in Catra's hair, her grip tight and immediately desperate.

Adora's cock wasn't exactly small. Fully erect as she was now it was eight inches long and thick as fuck. And Catra just kept sliding her lips further and further down her length until they were stretched taunt and her breath was coming out in hot, fast puffs against Adora's abdomen.

"Gods, fuck Catra," Adora groaned out as Catra's head began to bob up and down in her lap. The blond watched Catra's throat greedily as the muscles contracted to deep throat her over and over again. They were strained against her collar.

Adora felt a sudden sharp sting at the base of her dick and hissed loudly in pleasure. Occasional knicks on her dick were an unavoidable experience when the woman sucking it regularly had needle sharp fangs. Adora relished in the familiar sting, craved it actually.

Adora's fingers tightened roughly in Catra's hair and when the magicat made to bob up, Adora forced her back down until Catra's claws pressed into her thighs, easily piercing through her sweats and into her skin. The magicat sputtered around the cock firmly blocking her airway.

Catra let out a sound somewhere between a moan and a yowl as she struggled to breath for a second. And when Adora pulled her back up she sucked in a ragged breath before a deep growl rumbled in her chest. Her bi-colored eyes were completely blown and she pulled against Adora's hand, trying to take the blond down her throat again.

"Fuck you're so desperate to choke on my dick, aren't you Kitten?" Adora slurred out. She didn't even wait for a response, just shoved Catra back down as her hips jolted up.

She began fucking Catra's throat in a slow but firm pace. Push Catra down and hold her there for a few long moments and then yank her up. Catra was growling nearly non-stop as she fought to keep her lips firmly wrapped around Adora and the vibrations from it made Adora's toes curl into the carpet.

She could happily cum like this, just release herself into Catra's eager mouth like she'd done plenty of times before, but she was suddenly starving for more. Catra's body was practically writhing on the floor, her hips jerking forwards repeatedly, and her thighs pressed firmly together. The sight of her girlfriend so fucking turned on from sucking her dick made Adora feel godsdamn invincible.

"Up," Adora ordered, not waiting for Catra to respond before she was leaning over and practically ripping the magicat's leggings off. Catra was too far gone for words or to be much help, and Adora practically had to pick her up to get the pants and underwear off her feet. She made quick work of both of their shirts too. "Come on," she growled, pulling her writhing girlfriend into the chair with her.

Adora pulled Catra forwards at the hips, pressing her down until Catra's dripping pussy was pressed against her abs. Immediately Catra started rubbing wantonly against against her, spreading her slick up down Adora's stomach. Her mouth found Adora's neck and she began pressing possessive needy kisses against her.

"Fuck you're so sexy," Adora groaned as she held firmly onto Catra's hips and watched her grind against her. Adora didn't need heightened senses to know even after multiple showers, she was going to smell like Catra for days.

"Mine," Catra growled out territorially as she made new marks to Adora's already colorful neck.

"All yours Kitten," Adora agreed. She loved feeling Catra move against her like this, but her dick was begging for relief.

It was difficult to push the writhing Catra back enough to enter her. Her girlfriend was nearly completely gone, operating on her most base instincts and desires, but Adora managed to grab her hips in a bruising grasp and lower her further down her body.

Her own hips were jerking violently upwards on their own volition and it was a frantic moment as she tried to hold Catra still enough that she could stroke up into her. "Hold still," she ordered, her blunt nails digging into Catra's hips demandingly. Catra let out a frustrated growl but stopped fighting against Adora. Adora grunted as she shifted their bodies, lined up, and slammed her dick hilt deep into her girlfriend.

Catra let out a guttural sound from deep in her chest and her claws raked through Adora's hair, pulling their foreheads together. "S-so good f-fuck Adora," she stuttered through clenched teeth as Adora began slamming up into her roughly.

Their eyes were wild and locked onto one another's. The room was filled with the thumping bass, the lewd wet sounds of their thighs slapping together, Adora's harsh ragged breathing, and a constant rumbling growl from Catra.

Every time she bottomed out in her lover Adora's heart skipped a beat. Catra's pussy was clenching around her cock almost in sync to the music and Adora felt like she would die if she couldn't get further into Catra. She wanted to live inside the woman in her lap.

Catra's head fell to Adora's shoulder and she began rambling out adoration and praise for Adora as she sucked, licked, and bit at Adora's neck repeatedly. "Fuck s-soooo fucking good. You fuck! You're f-fucking me so g-good Adora Fuck." Her body was becoming pliant above Adora, allowing the blonde to drill up at her own pace and pull Catra down on her like a toy.

The praise combined with a bite hard enough to draw blood at the juncture of her neck and shoulders had Adora howling. Adora was like a woman possessed as she heaved both of their bodies up and then down onto the floor. Catra began to scramble up when Adora pulled out of her but frantically got into position when Adora started to forcefully roll her over into her hands and knees.

This was Catra's preferred position to get fucked and Adora wasted no time before slamming back into her girlfriend. She leaned over Catra until her front was flush against the magicats silky back and braced herself on her right arm. Her left hand shot up to Catra's neck and her fingers dug in between her collar and fur.

"Fuck!" Catra howled as Adora began violently rocking against her, pushing her further to the floor each time. Catra's claws were fully extended, digging grooves into the carpet and scraping at the metal beneath it. "I love you," she growled out, giving up any control she had left and just letting Adora pound into her.

"Y-you're my, my fucking whole world," Adora managed to gasp out as she lurched above Catra. "I w-want to be inside you forever."

Catra trilled below her and her pussy began to clench so hard around Adora's cock it felt nearly impossible to pull out. She felt like Catra was sucking her into her. They were almost completely down on the carpet now, with most of Adora's weight fully on Catra.

"Mine," Catra growled desperately, her eyes were clenched shut and her body had begun to violently tremble. Her claws were locked several inches down into the floor beneath them.

"Yours. All yours. Everything I am is for you," Adora gasped out. Her heart was pounding so hard in her chest she felt like it was about to explode and her focus had completely narrowed to the feeling of Catra's pussy gripping her cock like a vice.

She could feel a scream building up in Catra's chest below her and Adora latched onto her shoulder with her teeth. She bit down hard and Catra's head snapped back as she screamed Adora's name and tipped over into her orgasm.

Adora's balls and upper thighs were drenched as Catra's pussy spasmed and squirted below her. The feeling of Catra's white hot release was it for Adora. She slammed down once, twice, a third time, and then her body went rigid as her own orgasm ripped through her. The blond's back arched and her head snapped back, eyes open and wide, her vision filled with porta literal stars as she emptied her balls deep into her girlfriend.

Below her Catra writhed and rubbed up into Adora, her pussy was milking Adora's dick for every last drop of cum it could. Adora felt dizzy from her violent release and she pressed them both down against the floor, barely managing to not rest completely atop Catra's petite frame.

They laid there together like that for a long while. Taking greedy breaths and shaking against each other. Adora was still buried deep inside Catra as the woman's pussy contracted around her. Finally when Adora started to come back to herself she eased out of her lover, chuckling lightly at the disgruntled whine Catra let out.

"Ssh baby," Adora cooed. She kept a hand on the small of Catra's back and stroked her fingers through the thick fur as she straightened up on her knees. Her back gave a satisfying crack at the stretch and she sighed looking down at Carta whose fingers were starting to dig into the floor rhythmically. Her hips were raised trying to get as close as possible to Adora's gently scratching hand. "Come on baby," Adora murmured softly as she picked Catra up.

Catra was practically boneless in her arms but Adora managed to get her knees locked around her waist and her arms over her shoulders before she hoisted both of them up off of the floor. She took a moment to get her bearings and wrapped an arm more securely under Catra's ass.

Catra had almost immediately started purring after Adora picked her up and now it was turning into a loud rumble as she nuzzled her face in Adora's neck and started to scent her. "Bed," she grumbled out against Adora's skin as her claws started to kneed the blond's shoulder.

Adora chuckled and gently butted her head against Catra's. "Yes bed time now," she whispered softly as she spared one last glance to the star filled windows in front of her before focusing on the task at hand.

By Adora's estimate she had about five to ten minutes to get Catra to the privacy of their cabin before the magicat would be forcefully holding Adora down regardless of where they were. Catra's after sex hormone driven instincts were always pretty strong and were Adora's absolute favorite moments to witness. She knew they'd be intense tonight with how hard they'd fucked and Catra still riding the high of that Chix-ekian herbal blend she'd smoked.

"Okay," she murmured taking stock of the situation. This was not her first naked Catra on the bridge rodeo. She knew there was no way she was going to be able to put Catra down long enough to get their clothes back on, the possibility didn't even cross her mind. Still, in an attempt at civility she toed their discarded clothing into a pile and mostly kicked it under her chair.

Adora took a few steps to Catra's chair and grabbed the large fluffy blanket folded up in it. "Hold tight baby," she whispered, waiting a second for Catra to tighten around her body before shaking out the blanket and wrapping it around their bodies.

She grimaced a little at the ten rivets cut into the floor at her feet. Double Trouble would have a field day with that. She shrugged because what could she really do about it now? Quickly she checked Darla's readings before heading off of the bridge. Out in the dim hallways of Darla she could just slightly make out the sounds of music and laughter and it made her smile impossibly wider as she tightened her grip around her purring girlfriend.

She had just reached their door when Entrapta swung around the corner laughing. She just managed to stop herself from running into them and snapped back. Hey smile was sweet as she observed them. "Hi Adora," she managed to whisper out despite her obvious excitement.

"Hi Entrapta," Adora giggled lightly, shifting Catra's weight to her other arm.

"I've noticed we have continued on at our current trajectory Adora," Entrapta whispered, her hair expressing her obvious delight with the way it rolled around her body.

"Indeed," Adora whispered and then smiled widely when Entrapta had to cover her mouth with her hair to keep her excited shriek down.

"Goodnight Adora," Entrapta whispered, and then leant towards Catra and whispered even quieter "goodnight Catra."

Gently Entrapta patted the area between Catra's ears with her hair, and Adora had to push down a delighted gasp when Catra's tail came up and curled around the end of the hair. Adora honestly felt like she could cry at the way Catra's tail intimately held onto Entrapta, swirling around her hair for a few seconds before dropping back down to tuck under the blanket. That gesture from Catra held more meaning than any hug could and it was clear from the happy smile on Entrapta's face that she understood that. The princess waved before barreling back the way she'd come from.

A sharp, pointed nip at her shoulder made Adora chuckle and she turned and walked them into their cabin. She shrugged off the blanket wrapped around them and headed into their little bathroom, Catra still in her arms.

In a clearly practiced routine she ran a washcloth under warm water and brought it up between them to wipe at the sticky mess between Catra's legs. Catra was starting to purr like a skiff motor now and rub her face in earnest against Adora's neck and shoulders.

Satisfied that Catra's fur wouldn't mat Adora headed back into their bedroom and turned out the lights. A light glow from the baseboards was all the light Adora needed to walk the few feet to their bed. She turned around and carefully lowered their bodies down, her muscles tensed to keep them from tipping back. They had picked up the unique bed a few planets ago after Catra had fallen in love with the design. It's sides raised up gradually creating a deep pocketed area in the middle. It was a little tricky to get in and out of, but being nested down in the middle with Catra was absolutely worth it.

After some practiced maneuvering Adora laid down and stretched out her legs, a deep sigh releasing from her chest as Catra wrapped her body around Adora's. A big goofy smile split Adora's face in half as Catra started to rumble on top of her. A moment later her kneading started back up and she began to lick gently at Adora's bruised and scraped neck.

Adora was absolutely blissed out with contentment as she buried her fingers into Catra's furr, one hand right above her tail, the other behind an ear, and started scratching. The rumbling and purring kicked up several notches and Catra began to lick at her skin in earnest.

She'd learned a lot in the last seven months, but the most important lesson had been figuring out all the ways Catra had been saying "I love you" since they were toddlers. She hadn't gotten it before the heart, hadn't thought it was possible because Catra had never said the words out loud. But every purr, nuzzle, and kneed Catra had let out just for Adora had said it for her. Adora was so fucking glad that circumstances aside, she'd finally gotten the chance to figure this out.

The room was absolutely silent but Adora could still feel the light soothing pulse of bass. They laid together for a long time as Catra's rough tongue laved over Adora's neck and upper torso. Adora kept up her diligent scratching, shifting whenever necessary to give Catra easy access to her body. The sounds coming out from Catra were honestly favorite sounds in the universe, a constant deep purr that was laid under a rumbling growl.

Catra was apparently satisfied with her grooming job because she started to settle against Adora, her purr has toned down into a lazy idle as she gently rubbed her scent glands against the splotchy skin of Adora's neck

"I love you so much," Catra murmured, shifting up to press gentle kisses against Adora's face. Her eyes blinked slowly.

"I love you too," Adorab breathed out before pulling Catra down to settle her head on Adora's chest. Adora kept gently stroking behind Catra's ears up until the moment sleep claimed her, warm and content, wrapped completely around her lover.

Darla cruised quietly through space for parts unknown.

[pillowspace]

She Ra AU where Catra was taken in by Horde Prime

She was chipped and taken in by Horde Prime as an infant, not unlike how Hordak took in Adora

She has no name, but is referred to as little sister. Little sister may as well be a unique name when she's the only female, though

Her oldest memories are from when she was a child. Her memories were wiped when she was plunged into that horrid green pool of liquid for reasons she never learned but can guess was rebellion

She was not the intended height for the pool and nearly drowned. She now has a phobia of liquids

Ever since her memories were wiped, she gained a "new respect" for Horde Prime. His words, not hers. She'd call it a newfound instinct for survival, though she'd never admit that to his face

One time a clone saw her slowly blink from an angle and thought she had winked. She was reported to Horde Prime. After that, she started smirking and winking out of sheer spite because excuse her, but that is the stupidest rule she has ever heard. (Not in front of Horde Prime, though. Never in front of Horde Prime)

She is this close to throwing a major temper tantrum at all hours

Sometimes the clones can hear her in the walls. They stopped reporting her around the fifth time Horde Prime waved them off

"But Horde Prime-"

"For the last time, little sister is on thin ice," Horde Prime sent a passive aggressive look that could be construed as a glare her way and the feline had to bite back a smug smirk, "but it is still not against the rules, little brother."

She says her goodbyes as "Horde Prime sees all" and the like, but she has not worshipped the ground Horde Prime walks on in a long time, unlike her brothers

She is in a constant state of are you tired of being nice? Don't you just want to go ape sh!tt

She wants to grow out her hair, but her hair must be regularly cut so the back of her neck can remain open in case her chip is ever in need of repair, much to her annoyance

She knows something her brothers don't. You can get away with a lot on the ship, as long as you're careful. What decides whether or not Horde Prime acts on another's poor behaviour is severity, if it's convenient in the moment, he's in the mood, he is directly involved, or the behaviour has garnered attention. She knows these five by heart

Despite Catra's absence in this AU's Horde, major events still manage to take place. This includes Glimmer being taken to Horde Prime

Footsteps echoed around the bland, empty hallway as bare feet firmly fell on the hard ground of the metallic ship. A figure so thin and lithe compared to its brothers walked down with a set destination in mind. Their shoulders were raised high and their back was straight, the perfect image of posture. Their hands were clasped behind their back, inches away from a long, still tail the same colour as the figure's short, brown hair slicked back against their scalp.

Eerie, glowing, green eyes stared ahead in a seemingly calculating manner on a freckled face accompanied by a smile frozen in time.

Truthfully, the feline was bored out of her mind and an innate desire to at the very least twitch her tail grew more and more irritating by the second, but that was fine, she kept reminding herself.

Why Horde Prime had chosen her to be the one responsible for the new prisoner, she didn't know. Anyone else would be far more capable (and willing) than she'd ever be to babysit a princess for Prime's sake, though she supposed that her being unaware of how the decision was made might be a lie. It didn't mean she had to like it, though.

A princess meant an Etherian.

An Etherian meant someone like her, someone who could be put into a false sense of security by the sight of their own species.

She wanted to laugh.

Instead, she twitched an ear in amusement.

Her? In charge of comfort?

She had always known Horde Prime was an idiot, but this was further proof. There was no way the princess was ever going to feel comfort in a hell hole like this no matter who was with them. Not her, not a clone, and certainly not Horde Prime. She, however, simply had to do.

She always just simply had to do.

Her form was composed, though she felt as if she was dragging her feet as she found herself turning a corner to an open doorway where two large clones stood guard on either side.

"Little sister," the clone on the right calmly greeted and the feline stopped in her tracks, hands still clasped and smile still displayed for all the idiots to see but oh just a little bit more tense. "Are you supposed to be here?" He asked with suspicion in his tone and it sounded far too accusatory for her liking.

She gritted her teeth behind her smile.

They let anyone through this area, she knows that. She's seen that. But everyone knows her mischievous nature so Prime forbid she enters an area because she's allowed to be in there.

"Horde Prime's orders," she responded in that dreadful voice of controlled passivity she taught herself years ago to survive. She wasn't going to get a passive aggressive scolding for telling her supposed brother to rightfully fuck off to the core of the nearest planet, not today.

She didn't wait for a response before she was already picking up her pace towards the so-called guest's cell.

She refused to allow her anger get the best of her as there was no use in keeping it around. She had a princess to go fetch for Horde Prime, after all. She tried her best to discard of it. Key word: tried. She wasn't sure she had ever once succeeded in calming herself.

Lost in her head, the feline had almost walked right past that annoyingly bright green force field. Almost. Hands still clasped and smile ever so polite, she turned towards the cell with a less than put-together greeting in mind along the lines of I didn't know princesses were the new hype for pet owners, but I do see the resemblance to a rodent.

But for the first time in a long, long time...

She faltered.

Because in that cell, the princess sitting on the bed with her head turned and sparkling, short hair she was supposed to babysit was no child, no pet, no toy, no...

No insignificant prisoner, not like she had thought.

For the first time, she was seeing someone who was just like her, and yet they were worlds apart.

This was what she could have been.

Her left palm dragged across the barrier and the force field fell, catching the princess's attention. The girl's head turned to face the feline's, and her light pink eyes were full to the brim with raw strength and an independence so strong it could be wielded like a weapon.

The princess, too, faltered, but not like how she had. Shimmering eyes blew wide in confusion as if she couldn't understand who or what she was.

Her right hand clenched harshly behind her back. With her claws, she didn't doubt she was breaking through her own first layer of skin. That awe had begun to crack, and a sweeping rage began to slip through instead.

This was what she would never get to be.

She took a deep breath. This was not what she came here for. Horde Prime was waiting.

"I didn't know princesses were the new hype for pet owners, but I do see the resemblance to a rodent."

"...well you're charming."

[catrasredemption-moved]

(Follow up to last one)

“I’m the reason your mom’s not here anymore.”

Glimmer’s face hardened. Her heart seemed to skip a beat. Catra felt like she did back when she’d set off the portal. She’d thrown herself into something terrible and she was going to continue full force no matter what happened.

“So?”

Catra bolted to a standing position. “What do you mean ‘so’! I took her away from you, I -” Catra stopped, took a shaky breath. She could not make this all about her. “I don’t want to get angry with you Glimmer. What you feel matters. And you have to feel something. And it’s agony waiting to find out what it is.”

“What do you want me to say? That I’m angry? That I’m sad? That sometimes I look at you with - revulsion - disgust - hatred?”

“YES!”

“Why should I have to go through it again just so that you feel less guilty!”

Catra looked away, and thought seriously. “I need to know where I stand with you. I can’t take not knowing.”

Glimmer stared her down, shaking with growing, full blown rage, then screamed, smothering the sound with one of her many pillows to keep from drawing any attention.

“You killed my mom Catra. You were selfish and stupid and a part of my life was destroyed because of it. What can I say about that. Nothing could ever be enough.  I still miss her and I live with that pain every day.”

Catra spoke softly, nearly in a whisper. “I want to give you a chance to get rid of some of that pain.”

Glimmer narrowed her eyes and started slowly stepping towards Catra. “What, do you want me to hate you? To convince myself that you’re the one to blame, you’re the one who took my life away from me, that everything would just be okay if it weren’t for you. Do you want me to hurt you? To try and destroy your life in return, defeat you? 

Would that take the pain away?”

She leaned close and whispered in Catra’s ear.

“Did it work for you.”

Catra couldn’t stop herself from crying now. Glimmer stepped back, her face a cold, monarchal mask, and then her expression melted, and she groaned, and her voice jumped up about an octave.

“And in saying that I really did do something to hurt you, didn’t I. And it felt good! That totally undermines my whole point.”

She looked at Catra expectantly, hoping for a laugh, then leaned back when Catra kept crying. “I could hate you, Catra. But I don’t want to. For one thing, it would be super inconvenient since you’re practically glued to my best friend and the most indispensable asset for protecting my kingdom. And I really, really did learn a lot from you on the pitfalls of revenge and the obsessive spiral of hate and self destruction. Especially the terrible terrible consequences that it could have!”

Catra kept looking for things to say but couldn’t find anything but the obvious. “Yeah, all that was pretty bad.”

Glimmer laughed, still trying to force some levity between them. Then sighed, and stopped trying to maneuver around her feelings.

She took Catra’s hands, incredibly slowly, just really nervous about her claws now, and breathed in.

“Catra, I forgive you for what you did.”

Catra’s eyes welled up again, and Glimmer felt exasperated but she knew how it would go. Then Catra hugged her, and that was certainly not expected.

“Thank you.” She pulled back and took Glimmer’s cheeks in her hands. “That means so much to me.”

Glimmer finally smiled without any exertion behind the action, just because she wanted to. “As much as I hated….this, I feel better too. I didn’t want things to be complicated but - we had to talk about this, didn’t we? It was inevitable. How could we be friends and keep this huge unsaid thing between us?”

Catra looked at her, confused. Just confused.

“After everything, why do you want to be friends with me?”

Glimmer was confused now too. “I mean, that’s not what it’s about Catra. You became my friend long before I ever wanted it that way. It just happened. Because I like you.”

Catra laughed. “I guess that makes as much sense as anything. But you know I still don’t believe anyone but Adora.”

“Yeah.”

Again Catra laughed. Nervous laughter. A lot was being released. “I mean, I guess we’re done, right? I’m sorry, you forgive me, that’s how it works. I get that that’s what just happened. But I just don’t understand how you could forgive me for that.”

Glimmer dangled her legs off the end of her bed, and her eyes looked extra sparkly.

“I spent just a few months with Shadoweaver and without mom and it tore me apart from my two only friends and I made a mistake that nearly destroyed the world.”

“...so that’s why you forgive me.”

Glimmer laughed. It seemed strange that she could while looking so sad. “No Catra. I forgave you because you’re you. Because you helped us save the world and, and because you made me feel like a little bit of my home was left when I thought I’d lost everything on Horde Prime’s ship and because you make Adora happy and….and me too.

It’s just that when I think about Shadoweaver and I think about my mom….I don’t think I’d be able to forgive you if she hadn’t raised me. So I kind of have to! If I don’t, then I’m throwing away what she did for me.”

Catra was crying but she smiled. “She made you nice.”

“She….made it easy to be nice. She made it easy to forgive and to apologize and just….to be happy. I think she’d want me to forgive you, and so if I can do that….I can keep her with me more.”

Catra looked for something to say, was at a loss. Knew she had to get more words out of the way.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

Glimmer looked away, seeing something that was only for her. “I am too. I love her, so much. And I miss her. But here, now, there are people I love who I want to live my life with. And now you’re one of them.”

They looked at each other, and things were good.

Then they heard a knock at the door and Bow’s face poked through. He looked confused, but then his face got that fluttery expression of joy and wonder he did.

“What?” Catra shouted down at him, Glimmer fondly smiling at her reaction.

“It’s just so cute to see the two of you getting along.”

Part One

[sailorglimmer]

Catra and Bow talk

Part of Chapter 3 of my story Learning Love:

He let out a sigh, seeing Melog come again to the kitchen, curling by his side. He half smiled, turning around to see Catra standing there. Almost every time Melog was around, Catra was too. It had been odd when Melog spent a little while with them when Catra wasn’t there at all.

“Arrow boy.” she said, as a greeting that Bow had already got used to.

“Hey, want a cookie?” Bow asked, opening a chair to invite her to sit with him.

“That looks disgusting.” she said, sitting by him, but taking the cookie with Adora’s face “Actually, this doesn’t look that bad.”

“Thanks, I made it” he said in a funny tone “It would’ve been more fun with you here.”

Catra looked at him, smiling softly. She liked the feeling of being included. Bow always made sure she was, even in things the Best Friend Squad used to do without her. Bow understood the feeling of being left out, and when Adora became part of the rebellion he made sure she felt included, and he obviously did it too when Catra eventually became the fourth member of the squad.

“I was with Scorpia and Entrapta...I’m...making real amends.” she said in a low voice, as if she was a little ashamed of saying that outloud. “I didn’t think today was a bad day for me to...be here.”

“Hey! Don’t say that. I think Adora is not upset with you, she just needs to remember that she doesn’t always have to be the hero. On the other hand...Glimmer might need some time.”

Catra surrounded herself with her tail, “Just say it, she will always hate me. I don’t blame her.” she mumbled.

Bow raised both eyebrows “No. You don’t pity yourself, you made a bad decision and you are always trying to make up for it.”

“Would you forgive me if I killed your parents?” she was getting angry, and Melog showed that, but she wouldn’t hurt Bow. He wasn’t afraid of her anymore, anyways.

“You didn’t kill Angella, Catra. You opened a portal, and she sacrificed herself to save us all. What you did led to what happened to her, but it wasn’t your intention.”

“If I wasn’t such an idiot Adora wouldn’t feel like a failure and Glimmer would have her mother here, don’t you understand!? I know what I did, and it doesn’t matter how many times I say I’m sorry, I’m never going to undo my mistakes!” Catra cried, surprising herself because again she was screaming at friends. Again, she wasn’t controlling her rage, her emotions. “No one is going to actually forgive me because I don’t deserve it.”

“Get out.” Glimmer's voice startled both Bow and Catra, while Melog just hid behind the other feline.

Catra looked directly at her; Glimmer’s eyes were teary and red from crying, but she couldn’t read her expression. Bow walked towards her, but she just shook her head when seeing Catra was about to get out of there.

“Not you. Bow.” she said, surprising, again, both of them.

“Glimmer…”

“Please” was the only thing she said, and he just decided that it was better if he went out than if he tried to convince her otherwise. Catra could take care of herself, and if she couldn't, he was close enough to come back.

Read more here:

https://sailorglimmer.tumblr.com/post/619309694789599232/learning-love-chapter-1-sailorglimmer-she-ra

[princessofgayskull]

Halsey really is the perfect Catra-angst musician! And like Ashley and Clementine are kinda Adora but the rest!!!!

okay so I have a million thoughts about this so prepare for a long post

Halsey is such a great artist for Catra! I think Halsey's personal journey as a musician almost emulates Catra's own journey throughout canon, so I think that's why so many Halsey songs make for such great Catra songs!

Also, Halsey has been very open about having Bipolar Disorder (which as a mentally ill woman has been a very important to me, I literally could never thank her enough for being open about, especially in a way that's so: you need to take me as I am, or you need to get the fuck out of my face) and I think that falls in line with a lot of Catra's characteristic. Now my personal interpretation for Catra is borderline personality disorder, not bipolar disorder, but the mood aspects of the disorders have some similarities, and the stigma that comes with having either disorder is also very similar, so that falls in line really well.

Also, halsey being bi- catra being a lesbian, some similarity there. Mentally ill wlw solidarity!

some of my favorite halsey/catra songs are

alone (from hopeless fountain kingdom, also the remix song)

hold me down (badlands) especially in the context of season five and being mind controlled by Horde Prime

eyes closed (hopeless fountain kingdom)

forever... is a long time/ Dominic's interlude/ I HATE EVERYBODY (manic) I love the line "talk to your man, tell him he's got bad news coming" repeated the first time in the context of her betrayal of Entrapta, then again in dominic's interlude in the context of She Ra coming for Horde Prime after Catra saves Glimmer.

sorry (hopeless fountain kingdom) just, yeah her relationship with Scorpia

bad at love (hopeless fountain kingdom)

without me (manic) the RAGE, the pure RAGE and grief catra felt towards Adora for leaving her

still learning (manic) definitely a s5 song

hopeless (hopeless fountain kingdom) especially near the end of s4

devil in me (hopeless fountain kingdom) not super applicable for canon imo, but I do listen to it when I'm writing Catra, especially concerning her relationship with shadow weaver

control (badlands)- not the most catra song, but i think it does work. especially for the paranoia that takes her for a terrible ride after season 3

killing boys (manic) halsey said this song was the 'mania' part of the album and I 100% can see where she's coming from. it's that swing towards impulsive in the name of emotion and only emotion, no logic is being accessed, and I think that the tone of the song is so perfect for catra after adora defects because of the "I want revenge!" but also "I don't need you! I never needed you!" vibe of the song

nightmare (single) SUCH. A. CATRA SONG. that total "i'm so tired and I'm so angry and I'm sick of being pushed down" and the "you made me a villain, so I'm gonna act like one" tone. the 'i won't smile, but I'll show you my teeth'? line. Catra. 'kindness is weakness or worse your complacent.' catra for like... four seasons.

gasoline (badlands) i think this is just a fun song for the Fright Zone and what it would feel like to grow up there, pre-canon/s1 catra, and other horde characters. it's like hold me down, but without the pristine feeling of horde prime

i walk the line (badlands) great on-opposite-sides-of-the-war catradora song

strangers (hopeless fountain kingdom) about pre s5 catradora as it gets.

not canon catra, but for Upper West Side! Catra I love the songs Is There Somewhere, Finally/ Beautiful Stranger, and 3am. (especially 3 am)

also, you're right. Ashley is an Adora song (especially how she puts her duty to sacrifice herself over her own desire to live) and I can see clementine being one too, especially since Halsey said those two contrasting voices singing represent the ashley vs. halsey conflict, and how Ashley singing so loud and bold is representative of the confidence she's gained as an artist, which parallels nicely with adora vs. she-ra

last but not least, my favorite song for scorptra is actually Graveyard, from Scorpia's pov!

[flowersandskeletons526]

“Aftermath” - Glitra Fanfic Part 1

Hey everyone! This is my first time writing a fic and since season 4 was agonizing, I’m coping! This is part one of the fic, set after Glimmer and Catra are rescued from Horde Prime and the war ends. Sorta canon divergent. Hopefully on ao3 soon. Enjoy!

--------

It never occurred to Catra that it would storm in Brightmoon. 

The lightning flashes pale blue through the rain, nothing like the savage red of the black garnet the first time she tried to destroy the world. The memory makes her twist inside, dragged back to all every mistake she made during the war. It’s over now, and she reminds herself of that every day. The Horde is disbanded, Horde Prime is dead, and Etheria is safe. It brings her small comfort, but now she is in unfamiliar territory, living in the castle of Brightmoon and sitting by the queen while she changes her bandages. 

Glimmer’s hands still have the slightest tremble from their time as Horde Prime’s prisoners. Everyone has noticed, Catra is sure of that, just as everyone noticed the way her claws never retracted, but no one mentions anything. No one but the two of them, sitting in silence across from each other in their suddenly overabundant spare time. It’s the only time either of them get anything reminiscent of normalcy. Ever since the princesses rescued them from that ship, everyone has been tiptoeing through the tension to avoid upsetting their precious queen. Meanwhile, Catra has been busy tiptoeing around everyone else. 

Flexing her hand, Catra tries to control her breathing as her ear twitches. Glimmer keeps her eyes down as she dabs a wet rag across the stitched gashes on Catra’s arm. Her crown is set aside with Catra’s mask. She is covered with scuffs and scrapes, bandaged and bruised but still standing, for the most part. One eye is surrounded by a healing bruise from when she mouthed off to Horde Prime during their imprisonment. Facing the memory makes Catra’s hair stand on end. 

A sharp pain pulses through her arm. She bares her teeth and hisses, yanking away from Glimmer. The queen holds her hands up. “Sorry,” she mumbles. “Is it still that bad?” 

“It is when you press on it like that!” Catra snaps. 

“Well then stop moving your arm!” Glimmer shoots back. She takes a deep breath and grinds her teeth. “I won’t do it again. Just come back here already.” 

Catra purses her lips as Glimmer swipes the cloth across the healing wound again. She finds herself leaning into the silence of the moment, trying to ignore the gnawing in her guts as she watches the queen. She tilts her head.

“Why?” she bursts out. 

“Why what?” Glimmer asks without looking up. 

“Why are you doing this?” 

“Because this needs to be cleaned and you won’t let anyone else touch you.” Glimmer shakes her head. “I still can’t believe you bit the medic.” 

“Glimmer.” 

The queen whips her head up. She could count the times Catra has used her real name on one hand. The last time she did…  

Catra’s eyes are dull and heavy as she meets Glimmer’s stare. “Why are you helping me?” 

Glimmer grimaced and lowered her head. “You know why,” she whispered. She reached out to touch the edge of a cut showing from beneath the bandages on Catra’s face. “You nearly died getting us out of there. I’m just repaying that.”

“Is that the only reason?”

“What do you want me to say, Catra?” 

Catra lowers her head. “I don’t know.” 

They fall into silence as Glimmer wraps bandages around her arm. One side of her face is cast in shadow by the fire in the hearth. She has a fireplace in her room? Catra thought the first time Glimmer invited her in. After sharing a room with a dozen other cadets, even her officer’s quarters seemed massive, but the castle was ridiculous. 

Glimmer ties the bandages and lets go of Catra’s arm. “There. You’re going to have to let someone else come near you to take the stitches out.”

“I don’t like them,” Catra grumbles. 

“Why not?” 

“They treat me like I’m gonna break if they touch me.” 

“That’s called being gentle, Catra. They’re medics, it’s their job. What did medics do in the Horde, beat you more?”

“They bandaged you up, gave you a pill, and sent you back to training.” 

Glimmer frowns and stands, turning away. “Well, here you’ll actually have time to recover.” 

“Yay.” 

“Do you remember where your room is or do you want me to walk you back?” 

“Aw, done with me already, Sparkles?” 

Glimmer hesitates. “Do you want to stay?” 

Catra straightens. She hoped for a push back, a snap, something sharp like their relationship before everything happened, but now Glimmer’s just… trying. 

Trying to fix things. She tries to fix things with Adora, she tries to fix the damage the war left behind, and she tries to at least foster the odd bond they now share. She doesn’t try to fix Catra, though. Catra wonders where she would even begin if she could. 

She grits her teeth. “I remember where the room is. I can find it on my own.” 

“Okay. Goodnight.” 

“Night.” 

It’s too cold alone in her room. She curls in on herself on the hard mattress - Adora suggested it when she couldn’t stand the mass of pillows and feathers the room came with - and buries herself in blankets. Staring out the window, she watches the storm rage. It started raining when they returned home, and it seemed like the clouds never left. 

She found Glimmer standing on a balcony one day while exploring the castle. It was sprinkling, and the wind bit through Catra’s clothes. The rain clung to Glimmer’s hair like little crystals and dripped over her skin, her simple tunic fluttering around her. It was the first time since she became queen that Catra had seen her without the cape and crown to mark her status, just the piercings in her ears and the shadows under her eyes. It startled her how young she looked with it. 

“You’re gonna catch something standing out there, Sparkles,” Catra called, shivering on the edge of the balcony. 

“I thought cats don't like water,” Glimmer replied without turning. 

“What are you even doing out there?” 

“Thinking.” 

“Think inside.” 

“Leave me alone, Catra.” 

“No.” 

It made Glimmer turn and relent, and they sat together in Glimmer’s room by the fire in silence until Adora came to get the queen. The warrior gave Catra an odd look. Catra simply turned away. 

And now she lies alone, watching the rain. 

She is too exhausted to fight sleep. It settles in her bones and drags her into twisted dreams that she can’t escape from. She sees blood and fire, Horde Prime’s wild green eyes as he claws his way towards her in the wreckage of his ship, dead clones littering the scene. Most of all, she sees Glimmer. She sees her covered in blood and bruises. She hears Glimmer screaming her name. 

On the worst nights, Glimmer’s blood is on Horde Prime’s talons and Catra is powerless to do anything. 

Shooting upright, she screams in terror, covered in a cold sweat. Her wounds ache as pain pulses through her body, and it takes her a few minutes before she is able to pry her claws out of the edge of the mattress. 

Someone knocks on her door. She jumps, her claws extending again before she calmed down. 

“What?” she snaps. 

“It’s me,” Glimmer calls through the door. Catra doesn’t respond. “Can I come in?” 

“Do what you want.” 

Glimmer closes the door behind her and leans her back against it. “You couldn’t sleep either?” 

“What does it look like?” 

Glimmer rolls her eyes, sitting beside Catra as she scoots to make room on the edge of the bed. She wanted to reach out and grab Glimmer, check her for new wounds in case not everything was in her imagination, but all she saw was blood when she looked at the queen. Instead, she stares at her feet and they sit in silence. 

Glimmer sighs and lifts her head. “I can’t sleep alone anymore,” she admits. 

“Is that why you look like that?” Catra teases, trying to force the lingering images from her mind. 

Mustering a smile, she nudges Catra with her shoulder. Catra pushes back. 

After a moment of hesitation, Glimmer corrects herself. “I can’t sleep without you there anymore.” 

The admission yanks Catra back to the ship. 

----

“If you touch me, you’re going straight to the floor,” Catra snapped, snarling at Glimmer over her shoulder. 

“The feeling’s mutual,” Glimmer shot back. She and Catra lied on the thin bunk in their cell back to back, and Glimmer shifted as far away from the other girl without falling to the ground. “I can’t believe that of all people on Etheria, I’m stuck in this tiny little hellhole with you.” 

“You’re the one that got us here, Sparkles.” 

“And you sent the first message to Horde Prime.” 

Catra growled and pressed herself to the wall. “Just shut up and sleep,” she grumbled. Glimmer kicked her leg. “Sparkles, I swear, you will be on the floor!” 

Glimmer sneered. “Whoops.” 

Catra woke up first the next morning. She shoved Glimmer off the bunk when she realized she had curled up against the queen in her sleep. 

----

“Catra?” Glimmer asks. 

She looks up. “What?” 

“Are you alright? I’ve been trying to get your attention and you were just staring into space.” 

“Oh. Yeah, I’m fine, I was just thinking.” She clenched her fist. “Do you… do you want to sleep in here tonight? Just back to back like on the ship. It might help.” 

Glimmer nods. Catra lies down on one side while Glimmer stretches out on the other, both seeking the warmth of the other pressed against them. The contact is calming, not that either would admit it. Catra grinds her teeth and screws her eyes shut. Even safe in her castle, Glimmer still shakes. Reaching behind her, she grabs Glimmer’s hand. It does little to quell the tremors, but it is something, at the very least. 

“I keep dreaming of you,” Catra says into the darkness. Glimmer squeezes her hand. “I think that Horde Prime got to you before I could after the ship went down.” 

“I’m still here,” Glimmer says.

“I know that.” 

Glimmer shifts, turning so she can see Catra out of the corner of her eye. “Have you talked to Adora? She learned how to deal with nightmares after she first got here.” 

“We tried talking. It’s not working.” 

She doesn’t say how their “talk” ended up as a screaming match, each blaming the other for everything that happened. She doesn’t tell her how Adora grabbed her arm and she nearly threw the warrior halfway across the room in sheer panic. Adora gathered her composure, sticking around just long enough to hear Catra’s apology before they parted ways. She shredded the curtains in her room and screamed and cried in frustration all night. 

The wounds are still too raw. It wasn’t like making up with Glimmer, where there wasn’t so much history behind it and they had no choice but to figure it out, isolated together as they were. 

“Scorpia and I are going to talk tomorrow,” she says. “I already talked to Entrapta. As far as I can tell, we’re okay enough, but it’s also Entrapta. She doesn’t hate me, I know that. I just have to get over my own thoughts about it.” 

“That’s good,” Glimmer replies. 

“Did you talk to Adora?” 

“Not yet. I talked to Bow, but I did more damage with Adora than I did with him.” 

“We’ve got that in common.”

“Pretty shit thing to have in common.” 

“No kidding.” 

They turn to face each other at the same time, lying on their backs with only a few inches between their faces, hands clasped. The heat coming off Glimmer cuts through the chill that froze over Catra when she found herself on Horde Prime’s ship. 

Although she wants to believe otherwise, Catra can’t shake the feeling that this will disappear once everything is back to normal. On Prime’s ship they were alone. Here, they might as well be. With all of their bridges burned, they find themselves stuck on an island with only their own mistakes and each other to lean on. Catra knows that eventually Glimmer will stop coming to her when she can’t sleep, and she will stop finding herself sitting in silence in the queen’s quarters. 

She won’t need a crutch forever, Catra thinks. 

“What are you thinking about?” Glimmer asks. 

Catra lets go of her hand and rolls over. “Nothing. Night, Sparkles.” 

“Goodnight, Catra.” 

[etherian-affairs]

To Face Evil.

Adora finally has a chance to strike Hordak down, until Entrapta puts herself between him and She-Ra's blade.

This started as just another cyborg Entrapta story. Wanting to play with the concept some more. Then it became something else.

Crossposted on Ao3

================

It is difficult to face evil. It is difficult to know evil is a person. It is difficult to kill. Yet Adora is here, she is looking down at Lord Hordak. The man that has caused decades of terror and hardship on Etheria. The fight has been hard, but through grit, determination, and what allies remain  Adora, She-Ra, has struck him low. His armor sparks, cracked. It's seemingly endless regeneration finally broken. He looks up at Adora, meets her gaze. He is defiant.

They did not meet in some climactic battle. This was not a planned engagement. This was chance. Two forces being in the same place at the same time. It is a chance she needed to take.

She feels the eyes of friends and enemies alike on her. Waiting to see if the She-Ra will strike down evil. Namely she feels the worried eyes of Bow, the one who stood with her here.

He has seen friends willing to take the killing blow before. He is about to see it again.

With a roar of rage and anguish at everything that has been done to Etheria She-Ra brings the Sword of Protection down toward Lord Hordak. It whistles through the air, gliding true toward the warlord’s chest. Adora was never one to aim for the head, even when she strikes against one who has caused so much strife. The blade hits metal, it slices in, it slices through, and then it stops. A combination of resistance and Adora’s own sudden halting of the downard sing.

Hordak is uninjured. 

The Sword is buried nearly elbow deep into Entrapta’s arm. The Princess had dived into its path, catching the blade head on in the final moment.

In Shock Adora releases the sword, stumbling back. “Entrapta!?” 

There is no blood. No bone or meat. There are sparks, and pieces of metal falling to the ground. Entrapta’s hair reaches out, pulling her torn glove away from her arm. Revealing the now mangled metal appendage. “I was worried it wasn’t going to stop for a second!” Entrapta speaks loudly as her other hand grasps the sword and tears it out of her arm. 

Her hair produces the many tools hidden within. The tendrils now pulling and manipulating the mangled arm, splicing new wires, repositioning the surviving servos, bypassing the damage, welding and bolting things back together. Hordak rises slowly behind her. “Thank you Entrapta.” he speaks with a cough, he does not seem nearly as surprised as Adora or anyone else present by this whole ordeal. "She could have taken the rest of you though." He adds, concern oddly clear in his voice. 

Entrapta smiles back at Hordak. "It's okay! I was pretty sure she'd stop once it hit me instead of you." 

As Hordak smiles at her just a little Adora speaks up. "Entrapta are you okay?! Your arm what… are you a robot?!"

Entrapta looks back at the warrior goddess and quirks her head. "No. I just have prosthetic limbs." She holds the sword out to Hordak who takes it from her quietly. Then Entrapta glances at her mangled arm. "I think I'm only going to be about to get three fingers working again." She hrmms.

"W-why? When? Why did you jump in front of Hordak?! I could have killed you!" Adora is low key freaking out now. She's always had a hard time with the killing thing and to very nearly kill someone she actually knows personally is quite nerve wracking. Someone who doesn't really deserve it, in her mind. Also learning that your mental image of that same person is apparently very wrong can be jarring as we.

"Well!" The Princess of Dryl begins. "I have tech prosthetics because I lost all of my original limbs back when-"

"ALL OF THEM?!" Adora shouts. Hordak winces.

"Yep! At different times of course! I wouldn't have survived losing all of them at once! Anyway! I love Hordak and I didn't think you'd follows through if you hit me instead of him."

Hordak smiles a little behind Entrapta and says a simple "I love you too." That hits Adora like a brick. Did Hordak just say he loves her too? Did she just say she loves him?! Some combination of Hordak’s quick comment and Adora’s expression seems to make Entrapta giggle.

Adora stares at them for a moment, then clenches her fist. She needs to remain strong. “Entrapta… the things he’s done. You can’t defend him.”

“Oh but I can Adora.” she flexes her arm, wiggling her three remaining functional fingers. Her hair moves to Hordak, beginning to work on his damaged armor without even looking at him. “The data says you would defend Catra, if I was going to kill her. Wouldn’t you?” the princess is smiling, yet her voice has an air of seriousness to it. Those around them, the participants of this now stopped battle, murmur. Bow visibly winces at the accusation.

Adora falters at that. “I… Catra has done horrible things… she needs to pay for them.” Adora’s fists clench ever tighter, nails digging into skin. She eyes the sword in Hordak's hand. His armor is beginning to self repair again now that Entrapta's gotten the initial work started. Adora has lost her advantage.

“How though? I am curious! Would you kill her? Or would you rather she pay in some other way?” Entrapta asks with some surprising forcefulness.

"Entrapta I…" 

"Do not try to justify your hypocrisy Adora." Hordak speaks now. Moving up to Entrapta's side to take her arm and examine it. "You'll need a replacement." While his voice was hard toward Adora it is gentle with Entrapta. Concerned. The juxtaposition causes Adora pause once again.

"I think I can salvage this one with our supplies back home." She replies. Smiling a little before looking back at Adora. “I liked being your friend Adora. I’d like to still be your friend.” 

Adora is frozen. She hears Bow finally speak, letting out a worried “Adora?...”

Adora has lost so much. She’s been lied to and manipulated. She’s watched Friends descend into darkness. She’s still watching it happen.

Entrapta has never lied. Entrapta is not a good person, and Hordak is an evil one, and yet...

Aren’t any friends she can get a boon? With everything happening.

So Adora finally nods. “He needs to pay.”

“But not like this.” Entrapta counters.

Adora’s eyes close for a moment and she nods again. “Go.”

She watches Hordak and Entrapta nod to each other. Then, surprisingly, Hordak tosses the sword to the ground. The two run.

Bow approaches her, he reaches out to touch her arm. “Adora… are you sure about… letting them go?”

“No.” Her voice is quick and hard as she bends down to pick up her sword. “I’m not Bow.”

“Then why did you?”

“He knew.” Now Bow looks confused. So she elaborates.

“Hordak knew about her arm, her limbs… My whole life I’ve been told he doesn’t tolerate weakness, sickness, injury… and I just watched him take her hand to look at the damage… I just watched them say they love each other” Adora sighs. “And we need friends Bow. It’s just us now and we need friends wherever we can get them if we’re going to save Etheria.”

Bow nods now. He understands. He has always held bottomless kindness and compassion in his heart. Now he looks up toward the retreating Horde Forces, pondering them for a moment. “I think it’s good you didn’t kill him.” He finally says.

Adora just sighs.

It is difficult to face evil. It is difficult to know evil is a person. It is difficult to not kill it when given the chance. Yet Adora is here, she is looking into the distance and watching the evil she has let escape vanish. Decades of terror and hardship left unavenged. 

Because there is so much worse on the horizon.

[daoimean]

Pink in the Night | Chapter III: Winter Solstice: Part II

Chapter II | Ao3 Link

Summary: 

Fellas, is it gay to be madly in love with your gal pal? As war rages and internal demons fester, Glimmer struggles to come to terms with her feelings. 

Pairings: Glimmadora (Glimmer/Adora)

Warnings: Alcohol, discussions of grief 

Word Count: 4,108

When the day arrives, Glimmer wakes up with a pounding headache. She decides that’s excuse enough to stay where she is for a while, blankets drawn over her head, only responding in half-conscious grumbles when someone (she thinks it's Casta) comes in to check on her. It's only once the morning moon is high in the sky and guilt prevails over exhaustion that she manages to drag herself out from her cushiony cocoon so she can get this all over with. 

Breakfast is sitting, stone cold, by the window seat (confirming it was probably Casta who came in earlier). She eats it slowly, her eyes transfixed on the view outside, over what's soon to be her queendom. It hasn't snowed in a few days, and most of the snow that remains on the ground has been trodden to brownish mush, a bleak landscape overcast by a bleak grey sky. 

  Tonight, she will deliver the Solstice Sermon in place of her mom. Tonight, she will go through her first Solstice without her mom, and her last Solstice as a Princess. 

  She leans her forehead against the window, hoping the cold from outside will somehow seep through the double glazing and provide some semblance of relief from the painful drumming in her head. 

  Her ceremonial robes hang over one of her chairs, the notes for her Sermon laying in a haphazard pile-type thing across her desk. She'll need to rehearse it some more at some point today, until she can at least picture that she's in front of an audience of her future subjects and political allies without her voice quivering. She's not sure how anyone expects her to be ready for any of this when she can barely bring herself to get ready for the day, even though all she does is wash up and throw on her usual clothes (probably best to save the robes for tonight). Her eyes fall on her gift for Adora just as she's on her way out, and she takes a moment to shove it into one of her desk drawers so she doesn't have to look at it again until tomorrow. Out of sight, out of mind. 

  By this point it feels like her head is splitting, so the first place she goes is to the medical office to look for painkillers.  What she doesn't expect to find is Mermista in there already, rifling through the cupboards for the exact same thing. 

  Oh, yeah. The others are still here. 

  "Word of advice, Glimmer," Mermista says instead of a greeting, holding her head with a visible grimace, "do not try to drink Seahawk under the table, it's really not going to happen."

  "Wasn't planning to, but good to know," says Glimmer, flopping back on what's usually the medic's chair (there ideally should be someone in here, but she doesn't care enough to sort that right now), "have you found anything?" 

  Mermista groans. "I was kind of hoping you'd know where they are. Don't you live here?" 

  "Well, yeah, but I've never really needed medicine." Glimmer shrugs. "Immortal mom and all." 

  "Oh." Mermista's shoulders slump. "Yeah. Sorry." As if she has to apologise if Glimmer's mom is so much as mentioned. She finally finds some painkillers, swallowing a couple down with some water before handing them across to Glimmer. "So, what, were you there last night? I literally can't remember, holy ow ." 

  "I wasn't, but I'm kind of starting to wish I was." She shakes her head, the corners of her lips actually twitching up in amusement at the thought of a very drunk Mermista. "I might just be stressed." 

  "About the speech?"

  "The speech. The Horde. General queen stuff." She pauses to take the painkillers. Realises she's too much of a wuss to swallow them whole. Snaps them in half and tries again. "Adora." 

  "You're still hung up on the Adora thing?" Mermista slides the glass of water back to herself once Glimmer puts it down. She occupies herself with idly swirling her finger above the glass, creating a mini vortex in the water. Like she's totally not actually invested in this, obviously . "Have you considered, like, talking to her?" 

  Glimmer sighs. Even if Mermista is marginally less condescending than Shadow Weaver, she really doesn't have the time or energy to deal with advice from people who just don't get it. "What I said, Mermista? About losing her? That's exactly why I can't talk to her." 

  "Urgh, Glimmer ." Mermista groans again, throwing her head back dramatically (which can't have helped her headache). "Look, I know we don't talk much or whatever, and that this is, like, none of my business. But I've seen what you and Adora have, and honestly, I'm pretty sure you two are gonna survive anything at this point." 

  "I'm not scared about her dying , Mermista." Well, now I am.  

  "Yeah, duh . You're scared of losing what you have now. Like if you confess your massive crush and she doesn't feel the same way, things are gonna get weird between you." 

  "Hey, I don't have a—" Ugh, who is she even kidding at this point? "Yeah. I guess." 

  "Or say she does feel the same way, and you take the next step, but things don't work out, and then things get weird." 

  "...Yeah." Probably the less likely of the two.

  " Or maybe the feelings themselves scare you. Things were comfortable and familiar, but now your feelings turning into something new, and different, and weird. You've never actually done this before, have you, Glimmer?" 

  "Um. No." 

  "Okay. So. This…" Mermista gestures vaguely. " Thing that you guys have—?"

  "Friendship?" Glimmer asks, raising a brow.

  "It's more than that. It's like...this connection , you just vibe with each other, like you've known each other your whole lives. I sensed it like, the day I met you two, and you know me, I'm not one for reading energies or auras or whatever. You don't come by something like that easily, Glimmer, and it's not lost easily either. Like, urgh , I wish I had that with Seahawk. Why am I even dating that guy?" 

  Glimmer often wonders the same thing, but it's probably rude to do so aloud, and it's far from the first thing on her mind. How is Mermista , of all people, managing to conceptualize this better than Glimmer herself ever could? "Yeah, I guess you're right," is what she says instead.

  "I know I'm right. But here's the thing: you notice what's happening between you and Adora now?" 

  "What?" 

  "Things. are getting. weird ." 

  "Yeah. They are." 

  "Because you're pushing her away."

  "I'm n— it's not just that," Glimmer interjects defensively, her heart rate rising, "it's...complicated, okay?"   

  "Talk out the other stuff too, then." Mermista flashes her a look. "Or this is only going to get worse." 

  "But what if—" 

  " Urgh , don't even start with that. When have you ever let 'what if' stop you before?" 

  Wow, Mermista almost sounds...passionate. She's even looking at Glimmer, making actual eye contact. If she's trying to convince her, it's definitely working. The bleak cloudcover are lifting, and things suddenly look a little better illuminated in the light. Even her headache isn't as bad now, but maybe that's just the painkillers kicking in. 

  "Anyway, the queen stuff," Mermista continues, bringing her attention back to the water, "I...can't imagine what you're going through right now with like, your mom and stuff. There's no way you could've prepared for any of this, you didn't ask for any of this. Like, I was basically in political training as soon as I was forming coherent thoughts, I thought I wanted to 'cause I didn't have another choice, and then my eighteenth birthday rolled around and I still didn't feel ready. To be honest, I still don't feel like I know what I'm doing a lot of the time. Like, no one knows what’s going on or what’s gonna happen, with like, the Horde and the war and stuff. It... really sucks, Glimmer, no one's gonna pretend it doesn't, but no one expects you to go through this alone either. We've all got your back. Even me. Just, you know, as long as you don't expect too much." 

  "Wow. Um." Glimmer's so touched and dumbfounded that for a moment, that's all she can say. Mermista glances her way expectantly, quirking a brow, and that's when she manages to speak again. "Mermista, can I...hug you?" 

  Mermista rolls her eyes, which is pretty much what Glimmer expects, but it's light-heartedly, accompanied with a smile, an actual smile — and instead of telling her don't push it or something Mermista-esque like that she actually holds out her arms, beckoning Glimmer towards her. "You," she says into Glimmer's shoulder, as she almost throws herself into Mermista's arms before she can change her mind, "are so lucky I'm still a little drunk." 

  She gives her a reassuring little squeeze then pulls back, patting Glimmer's arm. "Now go talk to Adora, you moron." 

  --- 

  There's a particular photo of Glimmer and her mom that Bow would lose it over every time he saw it. The photographer for whatever media outlet it was happened to arrive right in the middle of one of their shouting matches, forcing mother and daughter to put a lid on the issue and play happy families while they were both still seething to the brim. Her mom is successful in this, at least outwardly, managing to resume her flawlessly serene demure— while Glimmer's smile is so cheesy, so strained, so obviously fake that it looks like someone's pulling her cheeks back. 

  This whole day feels like that photo, only now, nobody's laughing. 

  Glimmer has mostly managed to avoid the media in the past couple months, and before then it was always her mom who dealt with them. But this year's Winter Solstice is considered an even bigger affair on account of everything that's happened since the last, and it's not only the media she has to play her part in front of as she finds herself at the forefront of the remaining preparations. Learning but competent, somber but emotionally sound— she can only hope she teeters the line more convincingly than she'd smiled in that damn photo, since her mind seems to be floating around somewhere else entirely. 

  It occurs to her, as she steals some time alone to practice the Sermon, that her mom must have gone through something similar after her dad… Then again, at least she was already an established queen. At least people believed in her. She presumably believed in herself.

  She doesn't get a chance to talk to Adora. The hours go by faster than she can keep track of them, each motion she acts out before her audience chipping away at the surge of confident optimism she gained from the conversation with Mermista. Come nightfall, as she stands before her bedroom mirror, attempting to go through her notes one last time as Casta helps with the finishing touches of her robes (it's definitely regal attire when it takes an extra person to put it on), she feels like each and every defensive layer has been peeled away by scrutinizing eyes, mounting anxiety, what if what if what if. Everything she realises she'd blocked off in order to function through the day has caught up with her and paralysed her right here in the moment, too in the moment, and she's pretty sure she's never felt more lost. 

  She really wishes her mom was here. Telling her what to do.

  "Your hair's getting quite long, dear." Casta's voice draws her attention to her own reflection, where Casta stands behind her, holding out a strand to show its length. Her hair has gotten a little longer, long enough that it's starting to weigh itself down rather than sticking up and out, a loose wavy bob stopping inches above her shoulders. 

  If it was longer, a lot longer, she would almost look like…

  "Shall I tie it back?" Casta asks her, already holding up another strand, trying to figure out what to do with hair that's probably long enough to tie back but not enough to do very much with. 

  "Just leave it like this." She runs her hands through her hair as Casta lets it fall, combing it behind her ears. "I should probably get it cut soon anyway." 

 It's the first time, she's pretty sure, she's worn a dress that reaches the floor. Definitely the first time she's dressed nearly this lavishly. She feels smaller, somehow. More vulnerable.

  She thinks about the Princess Prom. Then she thinks about Adora. 

  She thinks about when everything was so much simpler. 

  Casta places the headpiece over Glimmer's hair, the silver glinting in the light, matching the colour shift of the gossamer fabric of her outer robe, and she wonders if she'll ever get any of that back. 

  "Oh, Glimmer, you look so regal ," Casta remarks delightedly, clasping her hands; her smile falters when she sees Glimmer's expression in the mirror. "Is something the matter, dear?" 

  It's Casta who always looks regal, almost effortlessly so. That elegant confidence just seems to come naturally to her, in her posture, in her demeanor; the authority just radiates from her. 

  Casta is also a person, though. That’s how Glimmer knows her. She's pretty, she's nice, she cooks well. But she rarely left Mystacor before she joined the Alliance, where she lives among people who look up to her, a leader first and foremost. 

  Does it ever get lonely up there?

  "Have you ever been in love, Casta?" 

  Glimmer's question is so out of nowhere it causes her aunt to draw back, her expression falling further as her composure momentarily crumbles; it's hard to tell what emotions Glimmer's elicited— what memories she's dug up, if any. 

  "You don't have to tell me," she adds quickly, suddenly feeling guilty, "sorry." 

  "There was someone," says Casta, now taking Glimmer by surprise, "but it was a very long time ago." 

  "What happened?" Glimmer wills herself to ask. 

  "We made all these plans together. We were going to go to Salineas. I always wanted to see the ocean." Casta turns from the mirror, eyes downcast, but Glimmer can still see it in her profile: that far-off, wistful melancholy that clouds her features the rare times she lets herself reminisce about the past. "But this was around the time Micah left Mystacor to be with your mother, and I was appointed Head Sorceress in his place. My future was no longer about me, much less us. I was so busy trying fill my brother's shoes that we...well, we drifted. She ended up leaving Mystacor herself not long after." 

  Glimmer's heart sinks. She swallows. "Do you miss her?" 

  "I still think about her often, but I know I made the right choice. I had to prioritise." Casta's eyes widen and she suddenly whirls back to the mirror, like she just realised the implications of her story. "—But of course it's not the same for everyone. Just look at…" 

  "My parents?" She picks up her dad's staff where it's leaning against her vanity, holding it before herself as she straightens her posture, squaring her shoulders. Practicing her Queenly Pose. "I mean, I would if I could." 

  --- 

  For some reason, delivering the Sermon without any hiccups, avoiding every disastrous scenario she'd conjured in her mind from tripping on stage to Castle Bright Moon going up in flames, isn't as much of a relief as Glimmer had hoped; the unanimous applause that follows just makes her want to get off stage even faster than her heart is racing.

  Her main responsibility of the night is over now, at least. Now all she really has to do is mingle. 

  This year's turnout is impressive, to say the least. Familiar faces scattered among a sea of people Glimmer doesn't know, although of course they all know her. She ducks behind a pillar, breathing a sigh of relief as she hears Bow's voice calling out to her over the music and bustling chatter. Her eyes follow his voice to the refreshment table, where he waves her over. She avoids any unwelcome conversations on the way there by teleporting next to him; when she ends up behind him, her inner child makes an unexpected reemergence, as she decides to scare the life out of him by grabbing his shoulders and greeting him with a little "boo." 

  "Glim— ACK! Glimmer! " he whips round, feigning anger. But then his face breaks into a beaming smile as he scoops her up in a hug that pulls her right off her feet. "He-ey! You did amazing up there!" 

  Glimmer laughs in surprise— the first time she's laughed in any capacity in a while , she realises— and shakes her head bashfully. "I tried. Do you know where the others are?" 

  "And you succeeded ," Bow affirms. He lets her down, craning his neck as he scans the crowd. He has the advantage of height that Glimmer lacks, but this doesn't seem to give him much more luck. "Uh...around? I kinda lost track— oh, there's where my dads went." He raises his arm to wave, and Lance, the only one who sees, enthusiastically waves back, then nudges George who does the same. When they see Glimmer they both give a thumbs up, Lance mouthing you did great. 

  "It's great you can invite your family to these things now," says Glimmer, giving an awkward grin of thanks before averting her eyes, trying to ignore the pang of envy in her gut.

  "Yeah, I always wanted to see how they'd react to a Bright Moon Solstice— oh, now we're talking!" He perks up as a server comes round with a plate of spring rolls, gladly accepting one. Glimmer manages to restrict herself to two rather than inhaling the entire stack. "You doing okay?"

  "I'm fine, just crazy hungry. Don't tell Casta but I kind of missed dinner." She eats them both in one go, then turns her attention to the refreshment table. "It's sooort of a Bright Moon-Mystacor Solstice thanks to her hand in it. I'm pretty sure those spring rolls are a Mystacorian recipe, and— ooh, they've got mooncakes!" 

  Okay, so maybe things aren't so bad. Though as she ravenously shoves an entire cake into her mouth, a voice behind her almost makes her choke. 

  "Glimmer?" 

  "Oh, hey Adora," says Bow, through his own mouthful of mooncake, before Glimmer can even think about responding, "oh man, you have got to try these." 

  "Hi, Bow." Adora picks up one of the mooncakes, taking a bite, but her eyes are on Glimmer— who is, internally, disintegrating. 

  Adora. 

  Is wearing. 

  A suit . 

  Why, oh moons above, does Adora have to be wearing a suit? 

  Glimmer isn't sure she could formulate any words even if her cheeks weren't stuffed like a hamster. She attempts to smile, and Adora smiles back, but it's thin-lipped, an indiscernible tension tugging at the edges that makes Glimmer's chest tighten. Bow's pupils frantically dart between the two, like he's watching a tennis match.

 "Can I talk to you?" Adora asks her. She glances to Bow, who quickly looks the other way like that's supposed to convince her he's not listening. "Uh, somewhere quieter?" 

  "Wha—" Glimmer manages to force down some of the mooncake. "What? Now?" 

  "Preferably." 

  "Um." She swallows down the rest, then swallows again. "Sure." 

  Adora holds out her hand. Glimmer takes it and allows herself to be led through the throngs of partygoers, her heart pounding so hard she swears Adora must be able to hear it over the music and chatter; the last she sees from Bow as she looks back is a raised eyebrow, and a weirdly knowing smirk she doesn't like the looks of. 

  She swears she used to be able to read Adora really well, but now, watching her back as she keeps her eyes trained ahead, she can’t make out a thing. Is Adora mad at her? She supposes she'd understand if she was, with how avoidant she's been lately, but she doesn't seem mad. There's some other tense energy radiating through to her; her hand feels just as clammy as her own is. 

  Before Glimmer has time to discern what that might be, they emerge from the crowd to a (suspiciously) empty patch of floor. Adora lets go of Glimmer's hand, by which point it's so sweaty she'd probably wipe it on herself if not for the risk of looking rude. 

  It's still loud. She's overwhelmed, and weirdly claustrophobic for some reason, like there's a million eyes on her, closing in on her, suffocating her. Her heart is pounding in her ears, so loud she can barely hear, barely think — 

  "Glimmer?" Adora's voice pulls her back to the surface. "Are you—?" 

  "Yeah, I'm good, I'm good, I'm just... really tired." Glimmer exhales. "Um, is something— is something up?" 

  "No— uh, yeah, kind of? It's not bad, i-it's just, um..." Adora looks away, rubbing her arm. "I uh. I liked your speech." 

  Well, that's obviously not it. "Thanks. I did my best." 

  "I thought that part, about the, uh, the days only getting longer after this— I, ha, to be honest, I didn't actually understand why the longest day of the year was a cause for celebration, I thought you guys just really liked parties, but after hearing it put that way, I...understand more. It was...really nice." 

  “Well, we also really like parties,” says Glimmer, with a wry smile in thanks. She’d agonised over that part when she was writing the Sermon. It felt necessary, but also just kind of dumb and corny. But she knows how Adora is, she tends to ramble nonsense and meander round the subject when she's super nervous. It's cute, most of the time, but right now Glimmer's that in that horrible inbetween of burned out and panicked and she just needs Adora to spit it out already so she can go to bed. "What's going on, Adora?" 

  Adora freezes like a deer in the headlights, her shoulders tensing. Then she exhales, slowly, closing her eyes then opening them again. Glimmer waits with baited breath, the possibilities running through her mind at a million a minute. 

  "Glimmer, I—" 

  Whatever she's about to say is interrupted by a resounding whoop from Mermista (evidently already plastered), which prompts most of the people in her immediate vicinity— who unfortunately happen to include the other Princesses— to turn their attention to where she's pointing, and erupt in cheers and various yells of encouragement. 

  What— oh. Oh no. 

  "Glimmer?" 

  There's a chandelier here, isn't there? 

  "What's going on?" Adora seems to sink down, shrinking under the weight of everyone’s eyes. "Why is everyone staring at us?" 

  What better place to hang some…

  No. They didn’t. Did they? 

  Bracing herself, she looks up. 

  And sighs. 

  "Oh for the love of…"

  "What?" Adora blinks. "What is it?" 

  Glimmer shakes her head briskly, waving her hand. "Don’t worry about it, it's— nothing, just some...dumb tradition." 

  "What tradition?" 

  She points up, and Adora's eyes follow to the chandelier above— or namely, what's hanging off it. "You see that?" 

  "The leaves?" 

  "That's mistletoe." 

  "Right."

  "We're under the mistletoe."

  "Yes."

  "So we're supposed to...I mean, it's not compulsory or anything, but we're supposed to, um…" 

  " Kiss, you scallops!" Mermista hollers, to an enthusiastic flurry of agreement. Moons above, there’s even more people watching them now.

  "Yeah, um…" Glimmer lets her gaze drop to the floor, feeling the heat rise to her ears. "That."

  "That, uh…" Adora forces an awkward laugh. "Wow, that is really dumb." 

  That hurts something deep in Glimmer's chest, but she tries to push it aside. They can't, anyway, she can't— 

  "Like I said, it's not…you don't have to..." 

  Two of Adora's fingers go under Glimmer's chin, tilting her head up; there's nowhere to look— nowhere she can look— but Adora's eyes. 

  And she realises, just because she shouldn't — 

  She can. She has to. She needs to.

  It's hard to tell who makes the first move after that, but Adora's lips are just as she's always imagined them. 

  It's surreal. 

  She can hardly process it. 

  She wants more. 

  She closes her eyes, wanting to stand on her tiptoes, wrap her arms around Adora’s neck, deepen the kiss until reality melts around them. No past, no future, no people or obligations— just her and Adora, together in this moment that they can be together. Everything’s simple, everything's okay, everything’s perfect . 

  But the moment is over before it has time to begin. And when Glimmer brings herself to open her eyes again, Adora is nowhere in sight.