#the rupture

[insanesonofabitch]

“Now you can barely even look at me.”

And yet, when Cas leaves, when he walks towards the door and doesn’t look back, Dean was watching him the entire time. He looks away not because he couldn’t look at Cas. But because after what he said (which he knew was wrong), he couldn’t have Cas look at him. And if you see the parallels of this scene to 6x20, it makes perfect sense. Cas couldn’t look at Dean for the same reason Dean couldn’t look at Cas. It wasn’t hate, it was shame.

6x20 | 15x03

[samsrowena]

3x04 // 15x03

[huggybearsunshine]

Repeat Until Death

[Takes place during THAT scene of 15x3 The Rupture but with nothing to lose, both men let more off their chests than they planned to.]

“Something went wrong,” Cas explained defensively, “You know this, something always goes wrong.”

“Yeah,” Dean shot back, his anger urging him to wound rather than comfort, “why’s that something always seem to be you?”

His shot hit dead center, he could see it immediately on his face.

“You used to trust me… Give me the benefit of the doubt…” the deep and familiar voice answered back, comforting Dean even as it tore at him, “Now you can barely look at me.”

Dean scoffed in response but even then, felt his eyes unable to lock with Cas’ own.

“I’m… dead to you,” Cas went on, unsurprised, which Dean found painful despite his anger, “You still blame me for Mary.”

It was true. Dean couldn’t deny it. It would be a lie if he did.

“Where are you going?” the hunter’s brows dipped in fear as the other man turned to walk away.

“Jack’s dead,” Cas looked to his side to indicate his attention was on Dean, even if his eyes couldn’t bare to be, “Chuck’s gone,” he continued toward the ground next to him, “You and Sam have each other,” Dean didn’t know where he was going with this, until, “I think it’s time for me to move on.”

No, Dean’s brain seemed to shut down at the thought.

His hand shot out without a moment’s hesitation, gripping one of the trench coat’s sleeves tightly.

“Cas,” the word pushed out harshly on a breath.

“I don’t know what you want, Dean,” the Angel’s arm pulled violently as he whipped around, “You hate me, but you won’t let me go!”

“I don’t… hate you…” Dean found it suddenly hard to speak, “My mother is dead, Cas… Again.”

“I’m sorry, Dean…” it was a quiet and genuine apology but felt placating and useless to Dean’s ears.

“You just had to talk to me,” his heart felt like it was clenching in his chest, tight to the point where he’d almost swear these were his last moments, “If you just would’ve let me in on what was going on, she might still be here!”

“I was scared, Dean!” Cas fought back, though even he knew Dean was right, “I was protecting my family!”

“We used to be your family!” Dean’s eyes were clouding over and he feared he’d lose the battle bubbling in him if he let himself cry at that moment.

But Cas’ voice softened rather than rose, “Those didn’t used to be mutually exclusive things.”

“So you’re just going to leave,” Dean found a different emotion overtaking his rage, a feat he didn’t think possible, “Jack’s gone, Mom’s gone, and you’re going to leave me too… Run away and leave the mess behind.”

“You have no idea what I’m leaving behind, Dean,” Cas’ eyes turned in warning.

“Another thing you won’t tell me,” he seethed, “I’ll add it to the list.”

“You want to know?” a surprising and hateful laugh pushed out of the Angel.

“Why not?” he squared up, “Not like you have anything to lose anymore, right?”

“I guess you’re right…” Cas nodded bitterly, “Okay…” he turned away, collecting his thoughts for what felt like an excruciating amount of time before he turned back, “I’m in love with you… I’m fairly certain you’re aware of that, and even more certain you don’t feel the same, but there it is nonetheless.”

Dean’s brain seemed to still on that statement, eyes looking lost to find where he had misheard him, but he found no word out of place, no phrase misconstrued.

“So, I’m sorry I have failed you so much…” Cas continued, “It was only ever my intention to be there for you in whatever way you would allow,” he swallowed harshly as emotion filled his eyes, “I’m sorry fate provided you with such a poor ally… I will free you of the burden, Dean. Goodbye.”

The door was slamming shut before it all caught up and actually began to clear the fog in Dean’s mind.

“Wait,” he spoke to the empty room until his feet allowed him movement enough to scale the stairs, “Cas, wait!”

He flung the door opened and ran after and in front of him before the Angel could reach the door to the truck he was headed toward.

“Dean, please just let me go,” he huffed, barely containing tears.

Dean didn’t recall him ever crying before, and it struck him as unnatural. Something that shouldn’t be allowed.

“Don’t,” is all his still reeling mind would provide.

“Don’t what?” an agonized confusion played across the other man’s face.

“Don’t go,” he tried again, only slightly improved, “I… I didn’t know.”

“I tried to spare you that knowledge,” Cas spat, attempting to push around him, but Dean knew his moves too well, and he countered successfully until he was in front of him again.

“Why?” the hunter pressed.

“Why?” Cas finally met his eyes, “You want me to explain to you why I didn’t wish for you to reject me?”

He rounded him again, reaching a hand out for the handle on the truck’s door.

“I wouldn’t have,” Dean’s voice was small, smaller than he ever remembered it being.

Cas froze with his hand still extended, now shaking in front of him.

“I wouldn’t have,” Dean repeated, stronger this time.

“What are you talking about?” Cas practically coughed the words out.

“Cas, I don’t know how else to say it,” he looked around him, overwhelmed and terrified.

“You do,” Cas’ voice turned bitter again, “If it’s anything like what I’ve felt for you, you would know.”

“Fuck, Cas, I love you too! Please don’t go!” it burst from him almost painfully.

His hand took action, grabbing at the loose fabric bunched at Cas’ tense shoulder and turning him. Then he pushed until Cas’ back hit the side of the truck.

“Don’t go,” he repeated, stepping into the space he had made clear was too close for them, “Please don’t fucking leave me.”

Cas’ breath caught as the air closed in between them.

“Okay,” it fell out easy as Dean closed in even further.

“Don’t ever leave me again,” his lips ghosted over Cas’ as if he expected to be pushed away.

“I’ve never wanted to be anywhere else,” all of the tension drained from his body as his tears fell free, “But I couldn’t breathe, Dean… with you hating me, I couldn’t bare to see it…”

“I’ve never hated you, Cas,” he rubbed a hand through the Angel’s hair and pressed their bodies tightly together, “I just… don’t know what to do… everything fell apart.”

His own tears freed themselves and a violent sob let out.

His head knocked against Cas’ temple almost harsh enough to bruise.

“She’s gone, they’re gone, and I can’t…” he clung as his knees weakened beneath him.

“I know, Dean,” Cas took hold of him, baring his weight gladly, “I wish I could take it back… I wish I could fix this for you- I’m so sorry.”

The floodgates gave and words refused to form, just guttural and wretching noises as Dean sank and Cas let himself sink with him.

They were falling in the most heartbreaking way imaginable, but that seemed fitting for them.

Nothing had ever come easily or joyously for any of them. So, why would love be different?

——————

@destieliscanon5nov and @destiel-wings my forever muse and much beloved beta reader!

[vendettasfanfictioning]

I need more fics framing The Rupture as something necessary for destiel—it hurt like a fucking bitch, sure, and it was a low blow for Dean to hit Cas exactly where he knows Cas hurt most (in being the problem or a burden), but also. Looking at it from Dean's perspective, it really did feel like a move that old, early-seasons Cas would do; withheld information, acted on his own, took risks that could cost others.

And when it all piled up? From Jack's soulless behaviors directly killing Mary, to the deal with Belphegor in hell costing them Rowena. Again, hard agree that it was one of the most painful lines dropped in the show (especially so if you remember that this is post-Empty deal), but context guys, context.

Plus, I believe this separation wasn't only long-time coming but also a pretty important addition because what is destiel if not a pair of stubborn idiots who can't communicate. That's not to say an argument is necessary to talk (it can be, in certain situations, sure) but they've been on different pages since Cas came back in S13.

The center of their disagreement seemed to mostly lie in their belief in Jack. I can't remember a time they really sat down and smoothed things out so much as they avoided talking about what happened during the Widower arc altogether, and that's when the wound really began to fester. (It didn't help that they had to deal with so many problems all at once; the Brits, Asmodeus, Apocalypse World, Lucifer, then AU Michael...)

Here is what we know that Cas believed (from the canon narrative): Jack formed a bond with Cas, even before he was born he somehow showed Cas a possible future; paradise. It's the same power, perhaps a protection mechanism with nephilim seeing as God labeled them as Abominations, that turned Kelly as well. What we know Cas saw (from the deleted scene/script): Cas' paradise consisted of everyone he loved, his family, being safe. This included Sam, Kelly, and Dean on a beach, with more focus on Dean as he tells Cas, "thank you."

From what we could see that Cas did not, Dean had enough resentment against Jack that wasn't going to magically go away overnight. Jack hadn't formed the same bond with Dean that he did with Cas.

What happened before Jack was born: Heaven and Hell both sought out Jack for their respective goals, an innocent woman was going to die from the sheer magnitude of giving birth to a Nephilim, and Cas left by what Dean assumed was delusions and manipulations. What happened when Jack was born: Mary fell into a portal to a different universe—a rift that only opened due to the anomaly and power of Jack's existence—Kelly died, and Cas got stabbed right in front of him.

And this isn't to discredit Dean's love for Jack, when he did allow himself to love him or see him as family, but you can love someone and still resent them or feel bad about them. Moreso during extreme circumstances, however unfair or illogical it may be. Again, did they ever really talk? Maybe my memory is failing me but I'm pretty certain they didn't, or at least never in great detail, or came to an agreement about it.

Dean and Cas... just had so much dirty laundry and Rupture made sure they aired it all out. But I think we, as a society, would benefit greatly from not framing Dean as the big bad villain here or Cas as some poor innocent bean. Supernatural's theme was never about brotherhood or family, it's about how shit could have been so much easier if they just communicated.

[dessertbird]

Daily Destiel 💙💚

Lovers’ quarrel. 🥺😭💔

[goat-fanatic]

episode 3 of season 15 "the rupture" actually punched my grandma in the face and ran my kitten over. i need a formal apology with ukulele and tears

[ananke-xiii]

I can't stop thinking about this scene...

Dean: Maybe you went too far. Cas: Maybe. Dean: I mean, he's been in lockdown for quite a while, you know? Maybe you just, uh, went too fast. What's he doing now? Cas: No idea. He was very distraught. Dean Yeah, but what exactly did he say? Cas: "Leave. Get out. I want you dead". We didn't bond.

[bloodydeanwinchester]

15x03 The Rupture - Green Pages

[420technoblazeit]

why didnt she just like. send him a text or smth. there was literally no reason to ghost him why did she do that alskdhglasdg

[samepisodebracket]

Round 1; Group 12

[deansamnatural]

[intricatedemonicrituals]

Spn 15x03//Fourth of July by Sufjan Stevens with art by @promqueendyke //The Great Gatsby by F Scott Fitzgerald//Rien ne va plus by Margarita Karapanou//Wuthering Heights by Kate Bush//Ocean Vuong with art by Tessa Hulls//The Time Traveler's Wife by Audrey Niffeneggar//Leaked script from Spn 15x09

[samsrowena]

11x22 // 13x19 // 15x03

[sneakend]

[archivists-trove]

Marksman's Ledge - Viewed from the Pyramidion's apex above the Rupture's landing zone on Io.

[dessertbird]

Daily Destiel 💙💚

When you say something you can’t take back. 😭😭💔💔