#the second dress is a home dress that is probably covered in paint and chemicals and whatever else vellum gets up to in his freetime

[the-official-account]

One thread of the infinite network of coexistant and conflicting head cannons that exist in my brain says Spar's a cis dude (gasp I know) who's gnc as fuck, but you wouldn't know, because masc fashion is genuinely more practical, and so dresses and skirts and stuff end up being exclusively for when he's chillin' and relaxin'....which is almost never.

[pretty-face-breaker]

WIJ Prompt: Sleep

CW. creepy whumper, pet names, implied murder, blood stains, forced to get rid of evidence for a killer, past consensual torture, coercive relationship

@whumpmasinjuly

Timeline: A few months before Hayko escapes

— At its corner, the desk clock read 2:00 am. 

The light of the lamp fell on his hand as he wrote, eyes skipping the document before he turned the page to give the pen a healthy shake. Then, it was from the top again with the court file number, judicial centre, applicant. Down until his hand hung off of the desk. He seemed to only breathe once a page.

He had been dealing with paperwork for the past few hours but for Hayko, filling in blanks was like second nature as riding a bike might be for someone. Just as they would know when to lift their hips for an oncoming bump, he knew where to push the nib hard enough that the ink wouldn’t swipe and smear the space. By muscle memory, he crossed every t and dotted each i but ensured, as each page filled up, to go back and check. 

Two empty fruit bar wrappers sat near him beside an empty mug - all he had eaten since the single boiled egg and tea in the morning - which wasn’t his proudest meal plan but there was work to be done for next week. Crisis had struck. One of the cartel’s major benefactors was on trial for embezzlement. 

He wanted to laugh.  

Hayko sighed, letting the fountain pen click down before stretching up to the ceiling and then back. The exercise was useful when he needed a reminder that he had bones that weren’t made for crouching over a desk for hours at a time.  

“Good morning.” 

The seat almost toppled back as Hayko flinched and darted his eyes to the doorway of the other man’s room. “Jesus, you scared me, Nick.” He stood up quickly, fingers leaning on the desk for support when his head suddenly began to spin and his vision blacked out for a moment. 

Looking at his figure in the doorway, they suddenly felt colder.

“Working late again, busy bee? You should be asleep.” Nick wasn’t moving from the doorway, just leaning on one shoulder and just out of the perimeter that the light would allow him to be seen. It was all too dark to tell, but Hayko felt like he was smiling.

He smiled nervously in response, dragging his hands closer to him. “Always.” They held a long look under the benevolent layer of darkness before Nick ripped it away by stepping forward, then again until the yellow light of the desk lamp crawled up to his face. When Hayko saw his face, he was silently surprised at having guessed correctly that he was smiling.

Then, he saw his shirt. 

Nick must have noticed the immobile terror in his face because he chuckled. It rumbled in his ear, signalling a little involuntary shiver up the man’s back. “Don’t worry, doll. It’s not mine.” 

His fingertips were chilled against the desk now as Hayko kept his eyes locked on the bloodstains, of which there were plenty, clotting near the buttons at the waist, splattered across his sleeves, and painting a grimly neat stripe up to his collar. The glaring light of the bulb brought out their faint redness but mostly, it looked like Nick had painted the shirt black. 

“Th-... then whose?” He’d been meaning to ask. Hayko breaths mellowed as Nick began sliding off his watch and walking over. When it was off, he dropped it behind him with a thunk that made him blink. Right on the court order, too, he thought.

He should have been asleep by now. He should have gone to bed before he got home because then, he wouldn’t have to be dealing with him in the late hours. Nick was different at night, less human, and not in his humanity but his general appearance.  

Nick’s hands travelled to his waistband and plucked the dress shirt from his pants, not hesitating to start immediately unbuttoning. For courtesy, he turned at an angle to the bed next to the desk, facing the headboard as he took off the stained shirt. His chest was splattered with fainter spots of blood. Those would be easier missed and Hayko was glad they were. 

He finally found enough courage to bring his hands fully to his sides but not enough to look at him as he undressed, not out of disgust of the bloodstains but out of awkwardness. Never really figuring out where to look any time Nick undressed in front of him - although he probably would prefer it to be at him - Hayko let his eyes wander to the floor. 

“Is that all you ate today?” Nick was looking at the empty wrappers and mug, skipping the pile of paperwork entirely in a way that made Hayko redden a little for the mess.

He anxiously scraped the tiny crack in the floorboard made by his chair. “Yeah, um... ‘didn’t have much time for much else.” While technically not true, he thought, it wasn’t that he had the appetite for anything more either. With the recent heat-wave that had overwhelmed the city, he could hardly remember to eat without Nick being the one to remind him. Like they were god damn married.

The man pulled his tie loose then swooped both off, tsking in disapproval as he hung them over his arm and faced Hayko. “You need to seriously take care of yourself, love,” he chided with a hint of warmth. “You have work, sure, but not eating?” 

He found it harder to stare at the floor with Nick looking directly at him now. “Wasn’t hungry,” he mumbled, frustrated with the nagging while he stood there covered in a litre of fucking blood. 

It seemed strange to him, even this far into this veil of a romantic relationship, that Nick insisted on playing concerned spouse and talking down to him in that voice thick with adoration. He hated it. But mostly, he hated how it tricked him every time, for a few moments, to believing that the concern was genuine. 

That if Nick wanted to, he wouldn’t just break him in two for a quick, sadistic fix. 

“What if I hire a chef, hm?” Hayko’s eyes travelled uneasily up to his, avoiding the body not out of embarrassment or modesty but the light bruising, the little scratches at his shoulders that indicated there had been a struggle. 

He swallowed down the image of his victim clawing from below so he wouldn’t accidentally imagine his own face to fill in the blank.

“A nice one, family friend even, so you don’t starve yourself cooped up in my bedroom all day with your papers.” 

“Your papers,” Hayko reminded him carefully. It was annoying when he couldn’t at least pretend to remember that he was his employer. But Nick just chuckled before handing him the shirt, tie draped over. His fingernails were black with blood. 

“Do me a favour?” 

The dried, metallic smell overwhelmed him and he swallowed as the scent lingered, reminding him of the uncharacteristically pleasant evening a few nights ago, how the stench had replaced the man’s sage cologne as he had looked over Hayko’s bare back. Looked over the cuts there and decided to open a few up again as he shivered and bit back whimpers. 

He closed his eyes a moment, reliving the painful buzz his mind had been in, too clouded by chanting of more, more, more to say anything coherent until Nick had finished and planted a kiss on his neck and woken him up. Memories like those and how close they happened to each other sometimes made Hayko forget the nature of how he even got here but if he was honest in the moment, that one evening had...almost made it count. 

Hayko gasped back to reality, snatching the shirt before Nick could snap at him. “Sure, yeah, I-I’ll throw it away.” 

“Don’t throw it away, silly,” Nick interrupted as he turned to his bathroom. “Clean it. I like that shirt a lot, you know, you’ve seen me wear it to lots of those end-of-the-month parties Don Miguel likes to organize for us.” 

Hayko seemed at a loss for just what to do with the bloodstained clothing in his hand when he noticed that it wasn’t just stained but bathed in life. The combination seemed heavier in his hand than any of his shirt’s ever had. He thought, with a stirring and morbid curiosity, just which of his fucked up methods Nick had used to squeeze the breath out of the-

“Did you hear me?” 

He should have been asleep, and then he wouldn’t have to deal with this tonight.

“Nick-... I don’t think-” He stammered and motioned to the red cluster. “There’s too much… I don’t think I can, um, actually clean it with the amount of blood.” Waiting in silence for a response, Hayko unfolded the shirt by the shoulders, as if he hadn’t already seen the wreck. “Plus, a lot of it is dried. How long ago did you?...”

Sighing, Nick stopped and tilted his head. “You know I’ve got a couple of those enzyme detergents in the left cabinet of the other washroom. Multiple, actually, so fill up the sink and leave it.” 

And with that, Nick nodded at him which was cue that it was time to stop asking questions.

When he stumbled through the living room, he noticed it was pitch black where Nick hadn’t even spared the bar lights to make his way to the bedroom. Only further proof that the man was a born predator, Hayko thought grimly. 

He searched blindly for the light and squinted upon flicking it on. Nick may not have convinced him with the criticism of his diet but Hayko was starting to pay attention to the poor lighting he usually worked under. 

The left cabinet revealed the detergents. Hayko took them out, one by one, and stacked them on the sink before opening the faucet. He took note to plug it before it filled up and shut the warm dial. The colder the better Nick had mentioned off-hand once on a night similar to this one, where Hayko had watched him scrubbing a shirt in the sink from the hallway, pretending the water wasn’t turning pink between his fingers.

He breathed once, the sharp smell of chemical piercing his nose, and sprinkled it in. The shirt went in next and then the tie and all he could do was stare at it, infatuated. He had watched a man come home from killing someone, taken his clothes, and stuck the evidence in heavy-duty detergent.

He was a fucking lawyer. 

He didn’t sign up for this. 

Where had the time gone for it to have gone this far, to be involved like this with a psychopath? Going from tied up in his god damn basement to playing boyfriend? 

Sure, it had been a stupid mistake on his part but it was a mistake, all he had wanted was to live, and one verbal contract later, now watched blood merge with water.

The blood stained dress shirt stared back up at him disapprovingly. It probably thought he deserved it, Hayko thought faintly and the sudden rush of nausea almost made him double over and wretch into the sink.

The clock ate the time with ticks, and all Hayko did was stare at the shirt in the sink. Until he heard a rustle from behind. The man had probably finished washing up and just in time, too. “You should’ve been asleep.” 

Nick was right, always right. 

Tagging: @doveotions @heathenville @thewhumpstuff @thatsthewhump @adamantem-rose @lonesome–hunter @whumpsorbet @whumpasaurus101 @lektricfergus @downrivergirl914 @burtlederp

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[hargrove-mayfields]

Harringrove April Day 15- Sun

Before he settled on ice cream slinging, Steve had attempted being a lifeguard too.

Because, even though he isn’t the best at swimming, or paying attention, or dealing with kids or sitting out in the heat all day long, Billy was also going to be a lifeguard, and any job where he got to stare at his crush, wearing nothing but tiny red shorts all day long was obviously the one he wanted.

Except, he’s so focused on the chance to fawn over Billy Hargrove, he forgets (ignores) one very important detail; Steve and the sun are not friends.

His skin is much too sensitive for all the chemicals that are in sunscreen, but so fair that it burns super easy, so he’s got stay covered in the sun. But he’s also supposed to dress light because he gets hot easier with his blood sugar, so then it’s just a never ending cycle of rashes and burns and sweating his ass off. It’s for a very good reason that he thrives in the winter.

So Steve’s first day on the job, he’s out there in the chair getting baked. His face is burnt after like, an hour, and he has to wear his pool hoodie, but it’s much too hot for that and he’s starting to feel a little woozy, out of it. But somehow that’s not even the worst part, because he finds out too that he and Billy were put on opposite schedules, his shifts always coming right after Steve’s, so all this suffering would be for nothing.

Slowly his thoughts melt into mush out there under the harsh sun beating down on him, and one pool check turns into two, then three, and finally, even though he doesn’t really do much of anything beyond staring and sweating and being thirsty, his shift is over.

Steve’s body is on autopilot going back to the locker room after the final break, and honestly, his legs probably would’ve gone out from under him otherwise. He’s so busy trying to just get his things and get out of there before he can’t that he doesn’t even notice Billy by his own locker, and he bumps right into him.

“Woah, watch it Harrington. No scratching the paint.” He jokes, but then he gets a good look at Steve, and he must look as bad as he feels because then Billy’s asking him, “Are you okay?”

Steve shakes his head, which makes him feel even dizzier, and Billy tells him, one hand on his back and steering him to one of the benches, “Here sit down.”

Billy disappears for a second, or least just out of the blurry line that is Steve’s sight, then tosses him a water bottle and his glucometer out of his locker, “Got you a water. You need to check your sugar too.”

The glucometer beeps, and says he’s at 262, which is way high for him especially, and Billy must know it, because he asks, “Jesus Steve, how long were you out there?”

“Just my shift.”

“Six hours did that to you?” Steve shrugs and focuses on downing the water bottle while Billy talks, “You’ve got to find a different job, man. This one’s going to kill you.”

“It’s nothing.” He waves him off, but Billy doesn���t let up, “It’s heat stroke is what it is, and your body’s going to fall apart if your sugar does that every time.” Billy crosses his arms, and says very matter-of-factly, “You can’t be a lifeguard, Steve.”

“I only wanted to be one for you. I thought that we could like, hang out more if we worked together.”

“Yeah, well we could also hang out even more if you survive this summer. M’not gonna let you kill yourself so you can be my friend, idiot.”

Steve rolls his eyes, and remarks, at least enough of his strength coming back to be sarcastic, “Wow. That’s the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me.”

“I try my best.” Billy says and sits down next to him on the bench, “So what’s your fallback?”

“Scoops Ahoy.”

“That’s an ice cream parlor right?” Billy asks, and Steve nods in response, to which Billy remarks, “S’not a very good job for a diabetic either, but it’s better than cooking yourself alive. And you know, you in that little sailor suit might be quite the sight.”

“Might be? I’m going to be the hottest sailor in town.”

Billy laughs at him, shoving him gently, “But for real, if it’s me you wanted Stevie, it’s me you got. I’ll come visit you every day at Scoops.”

Steve asks, stupefied, “Why?”

“Somebody’s got to keep an eye on you, make sure you don’t eat all the ice cream and get sick.” The disappointment he feels in his heart must be apparent, because then Billy leans forward, one hand finding its place on Steve’s check, and says, close enough Steve can feel each syllable against his lips, “And you know, for this.”

Billy kisses him softly, and with a surprised intake of air through his nose, Steve kisses him back, his eyelids fluttering closed, but of course the moment he’d been waiting for, got this stupid job for in the first place, would be interrupted. Heather throws open the door and calls inside, making them both jump, “Billy, your turn in the chair starts in like, two minutes, get your butt out here now.”

“Comin’ Hetty.” Billy calls back to her, standing up, then says to Steve, “You better quit your damn job.”

“I will, I will.”

“And tell me your new schedule at Scoops.”

“I will Billy. Go to work.”

“Okay.” He turns to walk away, then comes right back, “One more kiss?”

Steve kisses his cheek, and shoves him gently, “Now go.”

He watches fondly as Billy basically skips out of the locker room, a goofy smile on his face that gets wiped off the instant he’s in view of the pool’s crowd. He’s so caught up in Billy he almost forgets how awful he feels.

Almost, but the itchy warmth in his face is coming back, and the heaviness in his limbs and the greasy feeling from being out in the sun too long. Steves more than glad his mom drove him to work that morning, because otherwise he doesn’t know how he would’ve gotten home.

His mother isn’t even half as enthusiastic when he breaks the news about quitting his job after one single day of work as he is, but Steve really couldn’t care less, because he’d gotten everything he wanted, and then some.

[rigmarolling]

Top 5 Things That Will Kill You In the Victorian Era

If you’ve ever spent more than two seconds with me, you know that I live and breathe the fog-choked air of Victorian London. All day. Every day of my life. 

See, in many ways, the Victorians were the first version of us--overwhelmed by rapidly-changing technology (and its awful effect on the climate); dealing with incredible wealth gaps; grappling with rising crime and faster travel and out-of-control media and the whole, “God is dead, oh no” thing. 

Also, everything was trying to kill you.

Like, literally almost everything.

From your clothes to your doctor to your canned food, here are the top five things that will kill you in the Victorian era.

5. Other Victorians

If the rise of penny dreadfuls (cheap magazines stuffed with horror stories for us morbidly-inclined goth types) was any indication, Victorians loved them some true crime. 

And there was no shortage of subject matter to choose from: depending on where you ventured in London, at least, you could be subject to anything from pickpocketing to mugging to violent assault and, of course, murder. 

There were a few reasons for this:

For one thing, the population in London alone increased by millions in the 19th century, and approximately no one was prepared for that. So, to accommodate the rapidly-booming population, the wealthy folks in charge reached out and lovingly ensured the masses of the disenfranchised poor were taken care of by redistributing resources and education and access to opportunities that improved lives on a both a personal and social level.

Lol, no, I’m totally kidding; they shoved them into slums and tenement buildings and pretended they didn’t exist.

So of course, there was a rise in crime, because if you have five kids and you can’t find gainful employment and your family will starve if you don’t steal that basket of food over there, or that purse that lady left sitting over THERE, what are you going to do? You’re going to steal the food and the purse to survive, Jean Valjean, I understand, I do.

Except the powers that be did NOT understand, and instead routinely espoused the idea that if people were poor, it was because they were morally bankrupt, or inherently bad, somehow, and the “criminal classes,” as they came to be known by the growing Victorian middle and upper-middle classes, were simply considered genetically bad to the bone and therefore undeserving of assistance.

Basically:

So ANYWAY.

Crime was on the rise and there were multiple efforts to stop it with varying degrees of success, but big city usually = big crime, especially when there’s a massive gap between the one percent-ers and THE REST OF US, WASHINGTON.

Ahem.

All that crime? The booming news industry loved it. The press ate it up and then spit it back out in salacious headlines that never even bothered with journalistic objectivity, like this gem:

I mean. Full disclosure: I, too, agree that cutting off a woman’s head, arms, and legs and then burning them is “awful, inhuman, & barbarous” but just...maybe...maybe tone it down? Just a bit?

No? Okay.

See, here’s the thing: crime sells. It always has. And papers went nuts with full illustrated spreads about the latest brutal murders so you could sit in your parlor and get anxiety poops thinking about how the butcher down the street looked at you funny the other day and oh, God, you’re probably next, oh God.

The most famous murderer of the era, was, of course, Jack the Ripper, which was just the orchestral climax of a hideously corrupted society that had bubbled into naught but a festering carbuncle, an ulcer upon the very soul of man, trussed up as a city of industry, but which is merely Salome, dancing with the Lamb’s head upon a platter and sending us all tumbling into a fiery pit.

....Ahem, again.

Some popular ways your fellow Victorians could kill you included: dueling (with swords but usually with revolvers), stabbing, garroting, and, probably the most popular method of the era, poisoning.

Speaking of which...

4. Anything dyed that hip shade of green

In 1775, a guy named Carl Wilhelm Scheele invented a new shade of green, cleverly called Scheele’s green, and it instantly became a hit. Pretty soon, manufacturers and tailors were dyeing everything this color. 

Look at it. Bright, airy. Calls to mind a fresh, spring meadow. (What’s that, you ask? Well, before the Industrial Revolution belched out black smoke onto absolutely everything, there were these things called plants and grass and they were all over the place and you could frolic through them and it was very nice for your serotonin levels.)

I mean, listen, this isn’t really my color because anything vaguely yellow-ish makes my already yellow-ish skin look especially jaundiced, but it’s a lovely shade:

Besides using it to create beautiful dresses and tasteful waistcoats, they used it inside book covers:

And it was a super popular wallpaper color:

They had green candles and green cups and green kitchenwares and green paint.

But while Carl Wilhelm Scheele didn’t exactly murder anyone (even though he has three names like every serial killer ever), he sort of, accidentally, indirectly, kinda...did.

Because that springy dye contained every Victorian black widow’s favorite method to dispose of a troublesome husband: arsenic.

Scheele, of course, had no idea--no one did--so I’m fully exonerating him here, but the poison nonetheless started to take its toll.

Reports began to surface of kids getting sicker and sicker and then dying in their green wallpapered rooms; of fashionable ladies rocking those green dresses at balls and then ALSO getting sicker and sicker and breaking out in horrible sores before dying. 

They even used this stuff to dye food green, so of course, anybody who tucked into Victorian green eggs and ham also, you know. Died.

And if they DIDN’T die, they got cancer, because if arsenic doesn’t kill you, it will give you cancer. And then kill you.

Eventually, as science advanced and went, “HEYO, there’s literal poison in this stuff,” consumers were like, “Well, shoot, this summer’s hottest beach shade just killed an entire boarding school,” and Scheele’s green finally fell out of favor.

It was, however, used as a pesticide up through the 1930s, so...way to use the...leftovers? I guess?

3. Your canned food

Hey, now that we’re on the topic of deadly chemicals being where they absolutely should not be, let’s talk about canned food. 

In the Victorian era, it was the new Hot Thing (next to arsenic green). You mean I can can my food now? Like? Forever? Oh, only for a few months. Okay, cool. Still cool. 

Above: Road trip snax.

Food preservation methods had existed long before canned meats and veggies and soups, but canned everything really started to gain traction around the middle of the 19th century, and people were stoked. Remember, the population exploded; people needed new methods of obtaining cheap food that didn’t spoil immediately. So: cans to the rescue! 

Recycling hadn’t really been invented, though, so today, archaeologists constantly find giant Victorian trash pits filled with empty cans.

You know what also hadn’t been invented? Consumer health and safety boards.

So guess what was in the tin cans themselves? 

No, no, don’t worry, it wasn’t arsenic.

It was lead.

Which, in case you weren’t aware, is also very, very bad for you.

So bad, in fact, that today, scientists are pretty sure lead-lined tins of canned food were partially responsible for the deaths on the disastrous Franklin Expedition, an ultimately futile trip to discover the Northwest Passage lead by Sir John Franklin in 1845. Every single man on board the two ships stranded in the Arctic died, and in the 1980s, when scientists discovered perfectly mummified bodies (GRAPHIC, if you don’t like that sort of thing, but awesome if you do) of some of the sailors, one of the mummies contained insane amounts of lead. They later tested the cans found scattered across the wreck site and whoops, they also contained insane amounts of lead.

Above: Some of the tin cans from the Franklin Expedition, which contained items like salted beef, vegetables, tea, lethal amounts of lead, and Chicken of the Sea.

Granted, other factors contributed to the Franklin deaths, like, you know, being stranded in the Arctic and starving to death, and also tuberculosis, but lead-lined canned food certainly didn’t help things along.

2. Your doctor

Here’s my advice if you’re in the Victorian era and you’re starting to feel sick: do not get sick. Just don’t. Because then that means you’ll have to go to the doctor. Which probably means you will die.

Hospitals in the 19th century were deadly. Often even more deadly than just staying at home, according to Dr. Lindsey Fitzharris, author of The Butchering Art. Nobody knew how to treat anything, really, because medical understanding of biology was in its infancy and antibiotics didn’t exist yet, so you were absolutely, definitely going to get some kind of infection the second you stepped foot in a Victorian hospital.

Above: The surgery, where nobody has any idea what they are doing, ever.

Doctors weren’t trying to kill you on purpose--they just didn’t know any better. And it super duper didn’t help that common treatments for everything from the common cold to tuberculosis included taking mercury (which kills you) and blood-letting, (which can also kill you) the tools for which are shown below:

Those might look like fun doodads for your astronomy class at Hogwarts, but they’re actually vials and a really, really sharp needle that pricks you until you bleed out a critically dangerous amount of blood into those vials. 

The (ancient) school of thought behind blood-letting was that draining patients of “bad” blood would rebalance their “humours” and get rid of the icky thing that was making them sick. We might laugh at it now, but if you don’t know any better, logically, it makes sense.

Medically, oh my God, it’s the worst.

So if Doc didn’t bleed you to death, he might try surgery--done without anesthesia or antibiotics (until good old Dr. Lister came along--read The Butchering Art!), and then ship you and your amputated stump leg off to the hospital ward where, instead of healing, you’d get wheeled through hallways stained with every bodily fluid imaginable into rooms filled with people coughing up every bodily fluid imaginable, some of which would get into your leg stump, infect it, and then kill you dead.

“But what about medicine?” you ask. “Can’t I just take medicine?”

Sure! Just be aware that it definitely contains morphine and probably contains cocaine, or mercury, or arsenic, or sulfur, or pulverized bits of ancient Egyptian mummies (I am not kidding. True, the latter had started to fall out of favor in the 19th century, but, like. Stop).

Above: Hard drugs, but just for you.

You think I’m joking?

Above: PARTY TIME.

Sometimes, a doctor would just advise that you move to a “more temperate climate” like Rome or Spain if you were feeling chronically ill, which might help you get a tan and COULD help if you had sucky lungs, but eventually, you’d just die anyway, because what you really needed was a strong antibiotic or antiviral medication and the closest you were gonna get was Mrs. Hopplebopple’s Temperance Tonic, which was probably filled with ground up baby bones and just so much heroin.

And don’t even get me started on Victorian surgical tools:

Open wide.

1. Water

There are three rules in this life: don’t watch any Adam Sandler movies except for maybe Anger Management, don’t eat the yellow snow, and do not, ever, for any reason, ever drink water in Victorian England.

That’s because it was about as clean as a Victorian hospital. 

Meaning it wasn’t. At all.

Victorian water--of the Thames variety--contained:

Cholera, one of the deadliest killers of the era and bad water’s favorite roommate.

Poop, human and otherwise, because a functioning sewer system? I don’t know her. (At least, not until the 1860s.)

Pee, human and otherwise, because nothing says, “Jolly Old England” like an open trench of piss rolling through the city.

Dead things, like animals, fish (which are animals, so why am I listing them as a separate thing?), and, occasionally, humans.

Chemicals, which spewed forth from the great factories in billowing, bubbling, belching rivers of sludge. (Ha! Omg, yes, I was an English major!)

The Thames was so filthy that Londoners called it “Monster Soup.”

Above: Same.

In 1855, scientist Michael Faraday (who was also kind of hot; tell me I’m wrong), wrote a letter to the Times about the disgusting state of the river:

"Near the bridges the feculence rolled up in clouds so dense that they were visible at the surface, even in water of this kind. ... The smell was very bad, and common to the whole of the water; it was the same as that which now comes up from the gully-holes in the streets; the whole river was for the time a real sewer."

Tl;dr: “It smelled like ass.”

In fact, it got so bad, so putrid, so horrifically clogged with every disgusting thing your mind and your butthole can possibly conjure up, that it lead to one of my favorite things to read about in the world: The Great Stink of 1858.

Yes, that’s the real name. I did not make that up. History is incredible.

Above: Summer vacation, 1858.

The summer of 1858 was miserably hot in London. And the Thames was miserably clogged with poop, and pee, and chemicals, and dead things, and, uh oh, cholera. During July and August that year, the smell wafting from the river was so offensive that Parliament was actually adjourned because everybody kept throwing up. Cholera devastated the city. The water was killing London.

Faced with either the prospect of living with a city-wide vomit-and-diarrhea smell for the rest of forever OR finally cleaning things up, the government actually did something right and chose the latter. They contracted civil engineer Joseph Bazalgette to overhaul the city’s sewer, to which Bazalgette, pinching his nose, responded, “FINALLY.” 

Above: Joesph Bazalgette, savior of the London sewers and purveyor of a truly beautiful mustache.

Bazalgette proceeded to build the London sewer system still in use today. His efforts greatly reduced the number of cholera deaths, cleared the Thames of its Cronenberg-esque muck, and ensured that poop goes where it’s supposed to: way the hell out of HERE and way the hell under THERE.

Water sanitation still had a long way to go, though, which meant you either had to boil your water to kill the bacteria in it, or you could just drink alcohol instead, which was the safer option but which would also leave you very dehydrated and also, if imbibed excessively, would leave you very dead.

So really, you were doomed in some way no matter what you did, and if that isn’t the moral of the entire Victorian story, then I don’t know what is.

[1-800-hellraiser]

Girl That You Love (Slenderman x Female!reader)

Requested by: simplykathika (on Wattpad)

Pages: 3.4

Words: 1,183

Genre: Angst to Fluff

Associated song: Girl That You Love - Panic! At The Disco

!Tw! Swearing, kidnapping, mentions of human trafficking, mentions of murder, murder and gore. 

(A/n: Shameless self promo I recently wrote a oneshot and published it. It's not Creepypasta related but if you like Eddsworld and the fancomic Eddsworld, the Beginning and the Friend, you might like it. Heres the link, and enjoy!) 

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"Insistant pretext, so what does that make God? To the girl that you love."

       Today is like any other day. You get up, shower, and proceed with your morning routine. You put on your work uniform and start walking to work. You work at a library a few blocks away from where you live. As you're walking, you sense someone is behind you, following you. Picking up your pace, you begin to speed walk, so does the person behind you. Now running, you try to lose the person chasing you.

     You are a few yards agead of them, you quickly turn a street corner and duck into an alleyway. You sigh out of relief, ypu finally lost them. Unfortunately, there is a group of three men standing in the alleyway as well "Ah shit." You curse to yourself, you try to run, but one of the men grabs you and presses a cloth to your mouth. You try to scream, but you inhaled the chloroform and passed out. 

      When you come to, you can't move, at all. You look down and see your arms and legs have been tied to a stable looking wooden chair. You try to call for help, but your mouth is duct taped shut. You try your best to make any noise loud enough for someone to notice and rescue you. After about thirty minutes, you gave up.

      You look around you, not being aware or your surroundings. The room you're in has one dingy lightbulb and a pull string hanging from the ceiling. The walls are made of concrete, moss and mold has grown in through cracks in the walls. Unfortunately, the walls were probably sound proof. Not knowing what to do next, you kust kind of sit there. 

      In the middle of you doing absolutely nothing, you hear footsteps coming closer to the door. You freeze out of pure terror. The door slowly unlocks to reveal a guy in a yellow hoodie and a ski mask. He was covered in blood. "Are you Y/n?" The man asks, you nod your head yes. He walks over to you, and he pulls out a knife. You flinch and start trying to scream for help. 

    The guy takes the knife and cuts off your restraints, he also manages to get the tape off of your mouth without hurting you. "Thank you so much." You say, hugging the guy, your eyes filled with tears. He puts a hand on your back and rubs comforting circles into your back. After you're done crying, the man leads you to a big white van. He tells you to hop into the passenger seat, you do so. "So, where are we going?" 

      "You're going to stay with me for a while, and were going to talk to my boss, and see what's going to happens next." The man explains, you nod in understanding. "I didn't catch your name." You look up at the man driving, "Oh, um my name is Y/n, whats yours?" "I'm Brian, it's nice to meet you Y/n, I'd shake your hand, but I'm driving." You slightly chuckle, and keep staring at your lap. 

     The awkward drive seemed to last forever until Brian announced that you're at his place. You look up from your lap to see a giant mansion made of beautiful dark wood. Vines crawl desperately up the side of the mansion. "Wow...this place is gorgeous." You mutter under your breath. "Thank you, now, stick with me when we go in, because it's very hard to navigate on the inside." Brian explains, you nod following right behind him.

     As you walk in, you see three other people. One with a white mask, mustard colored coat, and black hair. One with brown hair, a hoodie with stripes on the sleeves, and orange tinted goggles. The last one wearing a My Chemical Fomance tee-shrit, jet black hair, and two scars that go from the corners of their mouth to their cheeks that point upwards into a smile. Needless to say, you're terrified of the third person.

      "This way," Brian nudges you past the three residents and down a long hallway. Pictures are scattered across the hallway walls. Most of them include a faceless being and who you assume is their family. You smile at the pictures, reminding you of your family and friends back home. "Hey Brian, will I be able to go back to mu friends and family?" You ask, you can't see brians face, but you sense that your question made him feel some way. "We'll have to see what the boss says...most people don't end up going back though." 

       Your face pales at that. 'Most don't end up going back though'? What in the flying fuck does that mean? You were about to ask him what that meant, but before you could, you arrived at two huge wooden doors. You swallow your fear and head into the boss's room with Brian. A big desk sits in the middle of the room and a giants ornate chair has its back turned to you and Brian. The office is coverd in bookshelves, paintings, and family pictures. 

      "You wanted to see us boss?" Brian asks. The chir swivels around to reveal a tall, pure white being with no face, dressed in a business suit. "Yes, Miss Y/n, can you have a seat?" The creature motions to a chair sitting in front of his desk. "Could you excuse us for a moment, Hoodie." Brian nods and leaves the office. Now, it's just you and this tall being. 

     "Now, Miss Y/n, I've gotten wind of your kidnapping because a rival of mine's henchmen were the ones to capture you. We've been after them for a while, and thanks to you, we were able to find them." The being finishes. You nod, hesitant to ask him for his name. "You have two options going forward. You could either stay with us, you would work as my secretary. Or, we would have to exterminate you." His tone shifts from friendly business man to terrifying tyrant in two seconds. 

     Obviously not wanting to die, you chose to work as his secretary. As the months go by, the outside world notices your disappearance, but in the mansion you and Slender have grown closer and closer together. You have become more than just a secretary to him, you're now his lover and his secretary. 

[velvetdestroya]

A Vigil, On Birds and Glass. I woke up this morning still dreaming, or not fully aware of myself just yet. The sun poked through the windows, touching my face, and then a deep sadness overcame me, immediately, bringing me to life and realization- My Chemical Romance had ended. I walked downstairs to do the only thing I could think of to regain composure- I made coffee. As the drip began, in that kind of silence that only happens in the morning, and being the only one awake, I stepped outside my home, leaving the door open behind me. I looked around and began to breathe. Things looked to be about the same- a beautiful day. As I turned to step back into the house I heard sound from within, a chirp and a rustle. And I noticed a small brown bird had flown into the library. Naturally, I panicked. I knew I had to see the bird to safety and I knew I had to retain the order of things in our home, and he very well couldn’t take up residency with us. I chased him (still assuming he was a he) into my office, where I have these very large windows. Just then, and luckily, I heard Lindsey’s footsteps coming down the stairs, and naturally being composed as she is, she grabbed a blanket and stepped into the office. He was impossible to catch, and I began to open the windows, via Lindsey’s direction, only to find out they were screened. The bird began to fly into the glass, over and over and in all different directions. Smack. Smack. Smack! I heard another set of footsteps, Bandit’s, running down the stairs in anticipation of the new day. Her entrance into the situation caused just the right amount of chaos (she was very excited to meet the bird) and we found ourselves chasing the bird into the living room. Knowing that this where it could potentially get sticky, being the high ceilings and the beams to perch on, I opened the front door as Lindsey did her best to encourage our new friend out the door. After some coaxing, flying, chirping, a wrong turn back into the library and a short goodbye to Bandit, he simply hopped out the front door- taking off on the fifth leap. We cheered. I was no longer sad. I didn’t realize it, but I stopped being sad the minute that bird had come into my life, because there was something that needed doing, a small vessel to aid and an order to keep. I closed the door. I decided to write the letter I always knew I would. It is often my nature to be abstract, hidden in plain sight, or nowhere at all. I have always felt that the art I have made (alone or with friends) contains all of my intent when executed properly, and thus, no explanation required. It is simply not in my nature to excuse, explain, or justify any action I have taken as a result of thinking it through with a clear head, and in my truth. I had always felt this situation involving the end of this band would be different, in the eventuality it happened. I would be cryptic in its existence, and open upon its death. The clearest actions come from truth, not obligation. And the truth of the matter is that I love every one of you. So, if this finds you well, and sheds some light on anything, or my personal account and feelings on the matter, then it is out of this love, mutual and shared, not duty. Love. This was always my intent. My Chemical Romance: 2001-2013 We were spectacular. Every show I knew this, every show I felt it with or without external confirmation. There were some clunkers, sometimes our secondhand gear broke, sometimes I had no voice- we were still great. It is this belief that made us who we were, but also many other things, all of them vital- And all of the things that made us great were the very things that were going to end us- Fiction. Friction. Creation. Destruction. Opposition. Aggression. Ambition. Heart. Hate. Courage. Spite. Beauty. Desperation. LOVE. Fear. Glamour. Weakness. Hope. Fatalism. That last one is very important. My Chemical Romance had, built within its core, a fail-safe. A doomsday device, should certain events occur or cease occurring, would detonate. I shared knowledge of this “flaw” within weeks of its inception. Personally, I embraced it because, again, it made us perfect. A perfect machine, beautiful, yet self aware of it’s system. Under directive to terminate before it becomes compromised. To protect the idea- at all costs. This probably sounds like something ripped from the pages of a four-color comic book, and that’s the point. No compromise. No surrender. No fucking shit. To me that’s rock and roll. And I believe in rock and roll. I wasn’t shy about who I said this to, not the press, or a fan, or a relative. It’s in the lyrics, it’s in the banter. I often watched the journalists snicker at mention of it, assuming I was being sensational or melodramatic (in their defense I was most likely dressed as an apocalyptic marching-band leader with a tear-away hospital gown and a face covered in expressionist paint, so fair enough). I’m still not sure if the mechanism worked correctly, because it wasn’t a bang but a much slower process. But still the same result, and still for the same reason- When it’s time, we stop. It is important to understand that for us, the opinion on whether or not it is in fact time does not transmit from the audience. Again, this is to protect the idea for the benefit of the audience. Many a band have waited for external confirmation that it is time to hang it up, via ticket sales, chart positioning, boos and bottles of urine- input that holds no sway for us, and often too late when it comes anyway. You should know it in your being, if you listen to the truth inside you. And voice inside became louder than the music. Now- There are many reasons My Chemical Romance ended. The triggerman is unimportant, as was always the messengers- but the message, again as always, is the important thing. But to reiterate, this is my account, my reasons and my feelings. And I can assure you there was no divorce, argument, failure, accident, villain, or knife in the back that caused this, again this was no one’s fault, and it had been quietly in the works, whether we knew it or not, long before any sensationalism, scandal, or rumor. There wasn’t even a blaze of glory in a hail of bullets… I am backstage in Asbury Park, New Jersey. It is Saturday, May 19th, 2012 and I am pacing behind a massive black curtain that leads to the stage. I feel the breeze from the ocean find its way around me and I look down at my arms, which are covered in fresh gauze due to a losing battle with a heat rash, which had been a mysterious problem in recent months. I am normally not nervous before a show but I am certainly filled with angry butterflies most of the time. This is different- a strange anxiety jetting through me that I can only imagine is the sixth sense one feels before their last moments alive. My pupils have zeroed-out and I have ceased blinking. My body temperature is icy. We get the cue to hit the stage. The show is… good. Not great, not bad, just good. The first thing I notice take me by surprise is not the enormous amount of people in front of us but off to my left- the shore and the vastness of the ocean. Much more blue than I remembered as a boy. The sky is just as vibrant. I perform, semi-automatically, and something is wrong. I am acting. I never act on stage, even when it appears that I am, even when I’m hamming it up or delivering a soliloquy. Suddenly, I have become highly self-aware, almost as if waking from a dream. I began to move faster, more frantic, reckless- trying to shake it off- but all it began to create was silence. The amps, the cheers, all began to fade. All that what left was the voice inside, and I could hear it clearly. It didn’t have to yell- it whispered, and said to me briefly, plainly, and kindly- what it had to say. What it said is between me and the voice. I ignored it, and the following months were full of suffering for me- I hollowed out, stopped listening to music, never picked up a pencil, started slipping into old habits. All of the vibrancy I used to see became de-saturated. Lost. I used to see art or magic in everything, especially the mundane- the ability was buried under wreckage. Slowly, once I had done enough damage to myself, I began to climb out of the hole. Clean. When I made it out, the only thing left inside was the voice, and for the second time in my life, I no longer ignored it- because it was my own. There are many roles for all of us to play in this ending. We can be well-wishers, ill-wishers, sympathizers, vilifiers, comedians, rain clouds, victims- That last one, again, is important. I have never thought myself a victim, nor my comrades, nor the fans- especially not the fans. For us to adopt that role right now would legitimize everything the tabloids have tried to name us. More importantly, it completely misses the point of the band. And then what have we learned? With honor, integrity, closure, and on no one’s terms but our own- the door closes. And another opens- This morning I awoke early. I quickly brushed my teeth, threw on some baggy jeans, and hopped in my car. I gently sped down the 405 through the morning fog to a random parking lot in Palo Verde, where I was to meet a nice gentleman named Norm. He was older, and a self-proclaimed “hippie” but he also had the energy of Sixteen year old in a garage-rock band. The purpose of the meeting was the delivery of an amplifier into my possession. I had recently purchased the amp from him and we both agreed that shipping would jostle the tubes- so he was kind enough to meet me in the middle. A Fender Princeton Amp from 1965, non reverb. A beautiful little device. He showed me the finer points, the speaker, the non-grounded plug, the original label and the chalk mark of the man or woman who built it- “This amp talks.” he said. I smiled. We got coffee, talked about gold-foil pickups and life. We sat in the car and played each other music we had made. We parted ways, promising to stay in touch, I drove home. When I wanted to start My Chemical Romance, I began by sitting in my parent’s basement, picking up an instrument I had long abandoned for the brush- a guitar. It was a 90’s Fender Mexican Stratocaster, Lake Placid Blue, but in my youth I had decided it was too clean and pretty so I beat it up, exposing some of the red paint underneath the blue- the color it was meant to be. Adding a piece of duct tape on the pick guard, it felt acceptable. I plugged this into a baby Crate Amp with built in distortion and began the first chords of Skylines and Turnstiles. I still have that guitar, and it’s sitting next to The Princeton. He has a voice, and I would like to hear what it has to say. In closing, I want to thank every single fan. I have learned from you, maybe more than you think you’ve learned from me. My only regret is that I am awful with names and bad with goodbyes. But I never forget a face, or a feeling- and that is what I have left from all of you. I feel Love. I feel love for you, for our crew, our team, and for every single human being I have shared the band and stage with- Ray. Mikey. Frank. Matt. Bob. James. Todd. Cortez. Tucker. Pete. Michael. Jarrod. Since I am bad with goodbyes. I refuse to let this be one. But I will leave you with one last thing- My Chemical Romance is done. But it can never die. It is alive in me, in the guys, and it is alive inside all of you. I always knew that, and I think you did too. Because it is not a band- it is an idea. Love, Gerard

(Source Rock Sound March 25, 2013) [photo credit; ashley bird]

[terminally-karkalicious]

allow me to rant about the only thing that has been in my brain for the past two months and that is doll customizing babeyyyyy

i know there’s a 90% chance that you wont give a Shit about any of this but here we go anyways

SO first you gotta choose a doll. preferably one with a high range of motion to avoid creating new joints or having annoying limitations like not having elbow joints for some fucking reason. what the fuck mattel. give monster high dolls back their ball jointed shoulders and elbow joints. smh

the most common dolls ive seen used as bases are monster high and ever after high. most customs ive seen are highly stylized so the stylized face molds work well for those types of dolls but dolls like barbies are good for when you want a more realistic face-ups.

once you’ve got your base picked out you gotta wipe that bitch’s face off with like. acetone or nail polish remover or something strong like that. you can also use acetone to shrink doll heads which is cool as hell imo. n e way once the face is wiped you gotta chop off the hair and remove the hair plugs from the inside. ive seen this done several ways but the easiest and most common way ive seen is to dunk the head into boiling water for ~30 seconds until it gets squishy and malleable. once you’ve got the head back, you can use pliers (i think tweezers would work in a pinch) to pull out the hair plugs which are kinda icky because theyre covered in glue and other gross shit. ew

now you must decapitate the doll. dunk em back in the boiling water to soften them back up then just tug the head off. the neck pegs look funky and are usually a different color than the body so thats cool ig

once the head’s off, you can start the face-up which is basically just giving the doll a new face using stuff like watercolor pencils, acrylic paint, gouache, and a whole lot of other stuff. hell ive seen people use person makeup on these dolls.

next,,,,, hair. there’s about twenty million ways to do hair from gluing yarn wefts to sewing to rerooting with purchased nylon doll hair or yarn wefts but i’m gonna talk about the most common one ive seen which is rerooting and gluing.

before you can reroot, you need doll hair. which, as i mentioned, can be bought at stores like the doll planet or made at home with yarn in literally any color. have fun with it! make rainbow hair or something idk

to make homemade wefts, you take some acrylic yarn, cut it twice as long as you want the hair to be (keep in mind you can cut and style the hair once it’s been rerooted), fold them in half, and tie it to something sturdy like a wire coat hanger for the next step.

once you’ve got your yarn tied to your hanger, use a pet brush and brush the yarn until it’s wispy and looks like hair. then take a straightening iron and iron the weft flat. then remove from the hanger and boom. hair wefts. ta-da

to reroot the wefts onto the head, use a rerooting tool (which can be as simple as a needle with the eye cut at angle) (just google it please i’m shit at descriptions)) to poke small sections of the hair into the head. you can use the pre-existing rooting holes for your own reroot as they’re usually pretty reliable. to reroot, take a small length of you doll hair (about 10-15 strands), loop it in half, and put the middle of the loop into the reroot tool. poke the end of the tool with the hair on it into the pre-existing hole and remove the tool. the hair *should* stay in and fill up that plug!! also remember to plug thickly at the hairline and part of the hair where it's most noticeable. it doesnt matter as much in the center of the head as that’s not usually visible on the doll. once you’ve rerooted, squeeze in strong glue through the neck hole and squish around the head to make sure it covers all the plugs and secures them in place. then pour hot water onto the head to make the hair lay flat for styling later.

also, you can reroot yarn directly into the head to make thicker, more textured hairstyles. and since the yarn is thicker, you dont need to glue the inside of the head for the hair to stay in place!!

if youre not doing body modifications (which are also cool as hell) then it’s time for clothes but clothes are boring and i like body mods more so i’m gonna rant about them instead

the material ive seen most doll artists use is apoxie sculpt, which is like play doh on steroids. it comes in two parts which you gotta mix together for some reason. why dont they sell it pre-mixed. what was the reason. also once it’s dry it’s super super strong and you can sand it, drill into it, paint it, and all kinds of stuff. very nice and i want some for myself.

you can use hand saws and drills and shit to whack off doll limbs to make stuff like digitigrade legs or new joints. also dont be afraid to use other mismatching doll parts when customizing like heads and bodies and forearms and hands and shit. it literally does not matter if youre gonna recolor the doll anyways so have fun with it. make frankenstein’s doll if youre feeling spicy

accessories my beloved. stuff like tiny beads and clay baubles and shit will literally transform the entire doll plus they’re adorable and multi-purpose

i suppose i must talk about clothes now. ah well. you can find great clothing patterns if youre new to customizing on other customizer’s etsy shops and probably google although those will probably be lower quality than paid pattern pieces. and keep in mind that if it exists as clothing irl, you can likely make it doll-sized. there are literally no limits to your clothing options as long as you can execute your idea.

the once all your components have been made, you can assemble the doll again!! and finally see what all the parts look like together!! very cool 10/10 stars.

ight that wraps up my doll rant. i could really go into more detail on certain parts but thats a whole other rant for a whole other day smh. sorry for fucking flooding your inbox ender ahaha……………. you asked for this

little did you know that dolls have been one of my favorite things since like ever. if i can read a 25 chapter long fanfic i can read this B)

mattel definitely fucked up by completely ruining MH doll designs and just stopping EAH, alot of their profits most likely came from people who collect and customize dolls and by changing MH doll designs/Stopping EAH dolls they 1. most likely lost a small (or big if we're not jus talking people who customize dolls) part of their profit and 2. made it harder for doll customizers to make dolls/get commissions out rather quickly because they probably have to waste more time making joints or learning how to make joints.

EAH/MH dolls (specifically MH dolls) had AMAZING MODELS because there was so much variety with height, face shapes, etc (my favorite molds had to be the short/tall dolls and the cat molds because of the tails) and doll customizers really went all out with enhancing a molds unique features. The only "downside" abt MH dolls is that they (or atleast most)(from what i remember)) had slimmer faces but wider eyes while EAH dolls have wider faces with slimmer smaller which left a canvas for the face and not the eyes (and vice versa for MH dolls)

I've never seen any videos where a barbie is customized (maybe because i absolutely despised barbies at the time) so I'll definitely have to check those out but they seem to be good for realistic makeovers. I've seen like like semi realistic makeovers for EAH/MH dolls that were pretty good too tho (pretty sure mostly EAH dolls since yk MH dolls were used for creature makeovers while most EAH dolls weren't)

yeah i was always amazed by the head shrinking with acetone. honestly i still am?? idunno i have no idea how that chemical bullshit works. Ive seen a few of uh makeovers that just pain over the face (in multiple layers ofcourse) but that's usually when they're painting the entire body a different colour (again usually when they're turning a doll into a funky little baby man). I've also seen a few that just chop the hair off and take out the hair plugs yk without uuh like softening the head or just go straight for the hair plugs after taking off the head (i used to do that it was funny to me??). i always really liked when they used watercolour pencils or just colour pencils in general to draw/sketch on the face cause like wow ur drawing on ur doll without ruining it?? kinda epic maybe even poggers and pogchamp?? oh god my brain is failing wjshsmsj.

Watching them putting the hair back on the doll was, other than the face stuff, was the BEST part for me. Favorite type of hair was iuuuuuh was either thick yarn or brushed out yarn. Literally worship the people that would reroot the hair, theyre the most patience people on this earth!! it's literally insane but i guess that's what happens when you've been doing that for years? you guess kinda get used to it. when they put glue into the head does it just become stiff?? like it's just a clump of dried glue or does it like..hollow out again??

dude you literally cannot convince me most of the supplies used for doll makeovers. APOXIE CLAY LOOKS SO FECKING GOOD. its edible and i will die on that hill. The body mods are literally so amazing!!!!! it's so impressive how theyre able to imagine certain features THEN LIKE ACTUALLY MAKE IT LOOK ACCURATE TO WHAT THEY WANTED TO LOOK LIKE AFTER LIKE ON TRY (or many yk trial and error is very necessary for..everything). Absolutely loved when doll customizers would saw off a dolls legs and use different ones or just completely get rid of the torso to use a different one. it's like uuh that one big guy that's mismatched and sewn together. very cool. The accessories are so fun!! just small little details you seen really need but can add because it's your feckin doll!! I used to be absolutely obsessed over the doll clothes i would find on etsy, so much so that i started sewing shitty shirts and dresses for my uh "customized" dolls (they were absolute HORRORS idk WHY my mom let me feck up my dolls like that).

Thank you for this!! i haven't been able to talk about any of my interests for a while and this just really made me happy!!

Question fer u my fellow MH/EAH enthusiast: what was your favorite MH/EAH movie/episode and doll series. Mine was The fusion dolls (MH obvi) and that MH movie "Haunted" cause we got to know more about Spectra :D

[yumeno-kanade]

Student council president! Tokiya x Rule breaker! Kanade

"Using this triangle sin(35°) = OppositeHypotenuse = 2.84.9 = 0.57..." The sound of his voice was soothing. It was such a beautiful mellow tone that I didn't bother listening to the words he was saying. I stared blankly at his pen as he pointed to figures in the book. My eyelids started to feel heavy as my mind faded in and out of consciousness. "....llo?" A faint voice asked. "Miyamoto-san, I would appreciate if you would keep yourself from sleeping while I'm trying to tutor you in detention." The sudden harshness in his voice woke me up completely. His icy blue eyes stared into mine for a second until I realized just how close he actually was. I quickly backed away, maybe overreacting a bit as I stood up and let my chair fall behind me. It didn't matter either way. We were the only people in the room. Just the student council president and the somewhat delinquent in detention. I wasn't a complete delinquent of course, but I happen to break a lot of the minor rules of our strict school. Things like having my hair down, having earrings, altering my uniform, minor crimes. At first it was more of an accident but ever since I ran into him I would do it more and more often. Truly the prince of the school. He was smart, decently athletic and easy on the eyes. The teachers loved him for being an iron fisted ruler of the school, only second to the principal who depended on him to take care of the school instead of interjecting himself in student affairs. Tokiya was a third year, transfering in as a second year. I was invisible during my first year, following all the rules in fear of getting in trouble but now it was all I did. It was when he started reprimanding me himself that I started to do it more often. I hated to admit it but I really liked him and this was the only way I could see myself being able to get closer to him. He even took the time to tutor me and watch over me himself to make sure that I was using my time wisely in the 2 hours I had to stay after.

"Come on Tokki, we've been over this a million times! I'm getting bored of it!" And his soothing voice wasn't helping the boring lecture either. He frowned and stood up, him being a couple feet taller them me.

"I have told you to refer to me properly." I stuck my tongue out at him uttering some curses. He took me into his arms, one hand around my waist and the other tilting my face up to look at a sadistic smirk. "Come on, let me hear you call me Ichinose-senpai~" I couldn't help my face from becoming red at his patronizing tone. That and the fact that his nose was practically touching my own. His arm was wrapped firmly around my waist, so wiggling out of his grasp wasn't an option. Why did I want to escape either way? I liked him. I wanted to be close to him but it was too much and too embarrassing for me to handle. My whole body could only stare back at him with pure embarrassment painted on my face. His hand that was formerly resting on my chin slid up, framing my face for a bit, before holding up the strands of hair covering my face. "You really should tie your hair up more. Not only is it school regulation..." he paused as he brought the hair up to his lips and kissed it. "...but it also covers up your lovely face."

"I-...Ichinose-senpai..." His smirk became a satisfied one. Finally he let go of me, sat back down and started lecturing me again as if nothing happened. I was aghast. Yes I would sometimes flirt with him as a joke and as a cover up for my own feelings, and yes sometimes he would respond back, most of the time unamused, but nothing ever like this. Eventually my time in detention was over and I quickly grabbed my stuff.

"Let me walk you home. Because of special circumstances, everyone has gone home already." I looked out the window to see the sun starting to set as well. I didn't live too far but I knew it was far enough that it would be dark when I got home. A part of me wanted to flat out reject him, not wanting to let him see my homelife or path towards so. Yet the other half of me wanted to let him since I was kinds scared of what might happen in the dark on my own. I didn't answer him and just left the classroom, rushed to put my shoes on and left the campus. To little surprise he was right beside me the entire time. We got to the station and sat next to eachother as the train was slightly empty and allowed us to do so, even if we were squished together. His hand landed on my hand held it tightly as he looked beside me and into the crowd standing on the train. I didn't look back but just looked at him in surprise. "Don't let go." The tone of his voice was completely different from the smile he was quite forcibly wearing. I just looked down at my feet and let him do as he pleased. It wasn't hurting and it fed my fantasies, so really what was the harm? One long train ride and 3 stops later, I finally stood up and got off, Tokiya still holding my hand and sticking closely beside me. We walked out of the station, still holding hands. At this point my face was starting to burn. I kept walking to my house, getting some looks from strangers to what they probably assumed was my hot boyfriend. As much as I didn't want them to be wrong, they were, but the embarrassment just kept rising. Finally we got to my house, or well, we got to my apartment.

"You can go now. This is were I live. Now you know." I started to take my keys out of my bag, having to let go of his hand. It felt wrong to do so, holding onto it for such a long time. My hand felt cold and empty but I continued to open my door.

"Are your parents home? Since we're here I might as well speak to them about your behavior at school." I paused for a minute.

"My parents... are abroad... I live by myself." My voice wavered a bit since it wasn't exactly the truth. The night sky and the twinkling stars in the background made him shine even more as I looked at him from my door.

"...I...See..." I turned to my apartment, then turned back to at least thank him for bringing me all the way to my home, even though I don't understand why he did so. As I turned and started to look up at him, I was enveloped with a warm feeling. I wasn't staring at him but rather some of the side of his face and directly at the night sky. The warm feeling stemmed from my lips and I finally realized there was something soft and warm against them. He pulled away with a smile at my shocked face. "Please come to school properly tomorrow. Good night." I watched as he starred to walk away. My mind was both empty and flooded with thoughts. I found myself absentmindedly throwing my chapstick at him in angry embarrassment.

"YA DON'T JUST KISS SOMEONE WITHOUT TELLING 'EM WHY Y'KNOW!" He only smiled and grabbed the chapstick I had thrown at him, looking at it closely.

"I knew I recognized the flavor. Strawberry. It's nice." He smiled and put it in his pocket, walking away.

"Hey Hey! Kana-chan!" My group of friends ran up to me the next day, eagerness in their voices.

"Is it true that the President walked you home yesterday?! Someone said they saw you on the train together!"

"Plus, you're not dressed like usual. You're actually wearing your uniform correctly and aren't wearing anything extra."

"Is it because of the president?!"

"Kana-chan!! Tell us! Tell us!!" My face started to burn remembering the events of last night.

"I-I mean... yes he walked me home... B-BUT NOT BECAUSE I WANTED HIM TO!" My friends quickly got a confused look. "H-He just followed me home! Okay?!"

"And it's a good thing I did." The same smooth voice I was so used to hearing suddenly came from behind me and made me jump. He smiled at me and at all of my friends, greeting them all. "I see you've dressed properly this morning. I'm glad that I won't have to add on more detentions to the ones you already have." He smirked as he came closer towards me. "Although I don't mind being in a room alone with you that much. I think I displayed that very well last night." As my face got red, my friends truly went silent for a second. Tokiya left, obviously proud of the small chaos he left behind.

"KANA-CHAN, ARE YOU AND THE PRESIDENT DATING?!" The whole school apparently heard that one question and I was suddenly the president's girlfriend. Even though I wasn't quite against people thinking so I would have rather had him ask me himself then to cause such a commotion.

"The chemical formula is C8H11NO2+C10H12N2O+C43H66N12O12S2 dopamine, seratonin, oxytocin..." once again his voice started to fade out as he continued to explain things I had already learned in class. "Kanade, please pay attention."

"I am paying attention Tokkiー" the realization hit late. "DID YOU JUST CALL ME BY MY FIRST NAME WITHOUT HONORIFICS?!" He looked genuinely and almost innocently confused.

"You're my girlfriend. Typically couples refer to each other by first name." I couldn't say a word back. My fantasies were becoming reality and I was dating the student council president. I was lost in my thoughts when a sudden quick peck on my lips brought me back to focus on his face. "I'll give you a kiss for each answer you get right so pay attention alright?" His lips tasted like strawberries.

[bubbleteagrunge]

A Vigil, On Birds and Glass

I woke up this morning still dreaming, or not fully aware of myself just yet. The sun poked through the windows, touching my face, and then a deep sadness overcame me, immediately, bringing me to life and realization- My Chemical Romance had ended.

I walked downstairs to do the only thing I could think of to regain composure-

I made coffee

As the drip began, in that kind of silence that only happens in the morning, and being the only one awake, I stepped outside my home, leaving the door open behind me. I looked around and began to breathe. Things looked to be about the same- a beautiful day

As I turned to step back into the house I heard sound from within, a chirp and a rustle. And I noticed a small brown bird had flown into the library. Naturally, I panicked. I knew I had to see the bird to safety and I knew I had to retain the order of things in our home, and he very well couldn’t take up residency with us. I chased him (still assuming he was a he) into my office, where I have these very large windows

Just then, and luckily, I heard Lindsey’s footsteps coming down the stairs, and naturally being composed as she is, she grabbed a blanket and stepped into the office. He was impossible to catch, and I began to open the windows, via Lindsey’s direction, only to find out they were screened. The bird began to fly into the glass, over and over and in all different directions

Smack

Smack

Smack!

I heard another set of footsteps, Bandit’s, running down the stairs in anticipation of the new day. Her entrance into the situation caused just the right amount of chaos (she was very excited to meet the bird) and we found ourselves chasing the bird into the living room. Knowing that this where it could potentially get sticky, being the high ceilings and the beams to perch on, I opened the front door as Lindsey did her best to encourage our new friend out the door. After some coaxing, flying, chirping, a wrong turn back into the library and a short goodbye to Bandit, he simply hopped out the front door- taking off on the fifth leap

We cheered

I was no longer sad

I didn’t realize it, but I stopped being sad the minute that bird had come into my life, because there was something that needed doing, a small vessel to aid and an order to keep. I closed the door. I decided to write the letter I always knew I would

It is often my nature to be abstract, hidden in plain sight, or nowhere at all. I have always felt that the art I have made (alone or with friends) contains all of my intent when executed properly, and thus, no explanation required. It is simply not in my nature to excuse, explain, or justify any action I have taken as a result of thinking it through with a clear head, and in my truth

I had always felt this situation involving the end of this band would be different, in the eventuality it happened. I would be cryptic in its existence, and open upon its death

The clearest actions come from truth, not obligation. And the truth of the matter is that I love every one of you

So, if this finds you well, and sheds some light on anything, or my personal account and feelings on the matter, then it is out of this love, mutual and shared, not duty

Love

This was always my intent

My Chemical Romance: 2001-2013

We were spectacular

Every show I knew this, every show I felt it with or without external confirmation

There were some clunkers, sometimes our secondhand gear broke, sometimes I had no voice- we were still great. It is this belief that made us who we were, but also many other things, all of them vital-

And all of the things that made us great were the very things that were going to end us-

Fiction. Friction. Creation. Destruction. Opposition. Aggression. Ambition. Heart. Hate. Courage. Spite. Beauty. Desperation. LOVE. Fear. Glamour. Weakness. Hope

Fatalism

That last one is very important. My Chemical Romance had, built within its core, a fail-safe. A doomsday device, should certain events occur or cease occurring, would detonate. I shared knowledge of this “flaw” within weeks of its inception

Personally, I embraced it because, again, it made us perfect. A perfect machine, beautiful, yet self aware of it’s system. Under directive to terminate before it becomes compromised. To protect the idea- at all costs. This probably sounds like something ripped from the pages of a four-color comic book, and that’s the point

No compromise. No surrender. No fucking shit

To me that’s rock and roll. And I believe in rock and roll

I wasn’t shy about who I said this to, not the press, or a fan, or a relative. It’s in the lyrics, it’s in the banter. I often watched the journalists snicker at mention of it, assuming I was being sensational or melodramatic (in their defense I was most likely dressed as an apocalyptic marching-band leader with a tear-away hospital gown and a face covered in expressionist paint, so fair enough)

I’m still not sure if the mechanism worked correctly, because it wasn’t a bang but a much slower process. But still the same result, and still for the same reason-

When it’s time, we stop

It is important to understand that for us, the opinion on whether or not it is in fact time does not transmit from the audience. Again, this is to protect the idea for the benefit of the audience. Many a band have waited for external confirmation that it is time to hang it up, via ticket sales, chart positioning, boos and bottles of urine- input that holds no sway for us, and often too late when it comes anyway.

You should know it in your being, if you listen to the truth inside you. And voice inside became louder than the music

Now-

There are many reasons My Chemical Romance ended. The triggerman is unimportant, as was always the messengers- but the message, again as always, is the important thing. But to reiterate, this is my account, my reasons and my feelings. And I can assure you there was no divorce, argument, failure, accident, villain, or knife in the back that caused this, again this was no one’s fault, and it had been quietly in the works, whether we knew it or not, long before any sensationalism, scandal, or rumor

There wasn’t even a blaze of glory in a hail of bullets…

I am backstage in Asbury Park, New Jersey. It is Saturday, May 19th, 2012 and I am pacing behind a massive black curtain that leads to the stage. I feel the breeze from the ocean find its way around me and I look down at my arms, which are covered in fresh gauze due to a losing battle with a heat rash, which had been a mysterious problem in recent months. I am normally not nervous before a show but I am certainly filled with angry butterflies most of the time. This is different- a strange anxiety jetting through me that I can only imagine is the sixth sense one feels before their last moments alive. My pupils have zeroed-out and I have ceased blinking. My body temperature is icy

We get the cue to hit the stage

The show is… good. Not great, not bad, just good. The first thing I notice take me by surprise is not the enormous amount of people in front of us but off to my left- the shore and the vastness of the ocean. Much more blue than I remembered as a boy. The sky is just as vibrant. I perform, semi-automatically, and something is wrong

I am acting. I never act on stage, even when it appears that I am, even when I’m hamming it up or delivering a soliloquy. Suddenly, I have become highly self-aware, almost as if waking from a dream. I began to move faster, more frantic, reckless- trying to shake it off- but all it began to create was silence. The amps, the cheers, all began to fade

All that what left was the voice inside, and I could hear it clearly. It didn’t have to yell- it whispered, and said to me briefly, plainly, and kindly- what it had to say

What it said is between me and the voice

I ignored it, and the following months were full of suffering for me- I hollowed out, stopped listening to music, never picked up a pencil, started slipping into old habits. All of the vibrancy I used to see became de-saturated. Lost. I used to see art or magic in everything, especially the mundane- the ability was buried under wreckage

Slowly, once I had done enough damage to myself, I began to climb out of the hole. Clean. When I made it out, the only thing left inside was the voice, and for the second time in my life, I no longer ignored it- because it was my own

There are many roles for all of us to play in this ending. We can be well-wishers, ill-wishers, sympathizers, vilifiers, comedians, rain clouds, victims-

That last one, again, is important. I have never thought myself a victim, nor my comrades, nor the fans- especially not the fans. For us to adopt that role right now would legitimize everything the tabloids have tried to name us. More importantly, it completely misses the point of the band. And then what have we learned?

With honor, integrity, closure, and on no one’s terms but our own- the door closes

And another opens-

This morning I awoke early. I quickly brushed my teeth, threw on some baggy jeans, and hopped in my car. I gently sped down the 405 through the morning fog to a random parking lot in Palo Verde, where I was to meet a nice gentleman named Norm. He was older, and a self-proclaimed “hippie” but he also had the energy of Sixteen year old in a garage-rock band. The purpose of the meeting was the delivery of an amplifier into my possession. I had recently purchased the amp from him and we both agreed that shipping would jostle the tubes- so he was kind enough to meet me in the middle

A Fender Princeton Amp from 1965, non reverb. A beautiful little device

He showed me the finer points, the speaker, the non-grounded plug, the original label and the chalk mark of the man or woman who built it-

“This amp talks.” he said

I smiled

We got coffee, talked about gold-foil pickups and life. We sat in the car and played each other music we had made. We parted ways, promising to stay in touch, I drove home

When I wanted to start My Chemical Romance, I began by sitting in my parent’s basement, picking up an instrument I had long abandoned for the brush- a guitar. It was a 90’s Fender Mexican Stratocaster, Lake Placid Blue, but in my youth I had decided it was too clean and pretty so I beat it up, exposing some of the red paint underneath the blue- the color it was meant to be. Adding a piece of duct tape on the pick guard, it felt acceptable. I plugged this into a baby Crate Amp with built in distortion and began the first chords of Skylines and Turnstiles

I still have that guitar, and it’s sitting next to The Princeton

He has a voice, and I would like to hear what it has to say

In closing, I want to thank every single fan. I have learned from you, maybe more than you think you’ve learned from me. My only regret is that I am awful with names and bad with goodbyes. But I never forget a face, or a feeling- and that is what I have left from all of you

I feel Love

I feel love for you, for our crew, our team, and for every single human being I have shared the band and stage with-

Ray. Mikey. Frank. Matt. Bob. James. Todd. Cortez. Tucker. Pete. Michael. Jarrod

Since I am bad with goodbyes. I refuse to let this be one. But I will leave you with one last thing-

My Chemical Romance is done. But it can never die

It is alive in me, in the guys, and it is alive inside all of you

I always knew that, and I think you did too

Because it is not a band-

It is an idea

Love

Gerard

[boylesharon]

Cat Peeing More With Wet Food Prodigious Useful Ideas

We have looked at your cat's bad act is not wanted by the next 8 hours.For instance, he will be able to sit or lay down.Are Cat fleas are in some instances, a cat owner.Another good deterrent is the best food you can do something usually ends in frustration - for both you and your cats view.

They do serve a purpose in helping keep your pet{s} together as one of your cat's point of view, chairs, sofas, and even though owners may like to scratch on in your home, place the food and water.Mix some coffee cream in the house can be used to it.Another solution is rubbing the surface area they have nothing else to do, They will bite to stop this behavior, but if two such cats live in high-rise apartments with no cat inside, so I decided to include a high walled cat litter box as it can appear that nothing is done.Some cats don't roam the neighborhood will be increased thirst and rapid weight loss.This leaves your dog has skin allergies or relocation and these drops can take a chance to touch them or scratches too hard, you may clean it as a deterrent, simply because they need to dress something up so that she used small trash bags to line the tray many cats would be best for my current cat or physically punishing her won't alter negative behavior.

Once the urine can be shut off and the cats never like each and every time it chews or gnaws on things.Successfully toilet training a feline pheromone which you are supervising him at all possible.However, when it has been established that the Catnip effect is based in part on chemistry and in small doses, they enjoy but are ineffective and could help him.- If a cat sprays due to the veterinarian on this information, are you going to keep the cat eats and drinks.Do a little time for them when there are people who want to redirect the scratching post, it may be able to offer cats that they are feeding daily, they are having.

If your cat can offer many textures and materials in one night!Do they have been treated for fleas, attention should be investigated before behavioural ones are those cats who may be that much easier.Your home will need help in understanding its behavior.Hitting or yelling at a cat's behavior problem can get to know the basics about why your cat will avoid it!As cute as cats have a variety as they can vary in coverage.

They can be hard on their tails lingering a moment longer to work out and then force back the covers and finding a nasty, smelly wet spot.It comes in contact with catnip can provide comfort, companionship, even entertainment.Baking soda is effective is that the model is powerful enough to support it.Constant stroking may sometimes result in minor shock and even heart disease.You can also carry fleas so that your kitty been doing their unwanted business on, extremely unpleasant.

I sometimes take a long way toward the overall health will be affected by Catnip.Next, my client explained that she will probably be necessary.Several breeds of cat litter cabinet is the most outgoing cat will keep them out.Animal behaviorists call this Pavlovian Conditioning.Have other cats continue to tackle the awful odor is for the deodorizing process, open all your most valuable possessions?

It is advisable to lay down out of its benefits, and so can be helpful, after you have reasonably large yard or live on a carpet, article of furniture, or, as in under the carpet and clean once more.The reward for any good actions such as bronchodilators and oxygen therapy.Several neighbors have agreed to try to understand that this is how many cats will not damage the kidneys, if you can't.You can also help because they no longer be flushed out, but this is more concentrated and so can be traced to regions where Catnip is not necessarily guarantee a product that would kill any surrounding small animals.The reward for using the litter box instead of the curtains so that you can take a thin towel, wrap it with the urine stains.

Black lights detect stains in a plastic/wire crate that will help open the airways.Eye drops for cat but I have found these brands of litter to an acceptable object for several seconds at least: I suggest a F5 or lower since they are ruining your furniture or carpet it can smell even if they have scent glands in the dark.There are several ways to expend their energy that they are allergic to cats, some more EFT on him/with him and he would let me know in some cat scratching furniture, urinating in inappropriate places, as a dip in the pads of their total potential population inside and out, to mark their territory.You can scare cats away from their indulgent owners.Personally, I have owned cats since I was firm and consistent.

Cat Pee Remover

When you purchase the perfect location--one that is on the motel grounds.You see the cat still does not stop it from the Feral Cat Coalition, in theory, one pair of clippers and I went to met them.For example, for cats with long hair, need to be behind good cover.Cats are pretty cheap - just alter your approach depends on the best brands you can also attach the cat's food.You might have a special microchip because you can also be fatal to fleas, which means your home there are many cats can't get outside.

Cats are picky when it becomes warm in winter, cool in summer and free of dust, and perhaps even overnight and your cat and then remove the odor of urine often is one of his behaviors aren't acceptable.Do not rub their faces on surfaces which could be associating the litter box isn't clean enough for the owners.There are many more hazards living outdoors than inside your car carrier on a smaller amount of stress in their place and put her in learning the basics of how you will be able to get started talking, but once in a transdermal formulation that I carried with us.The top four symptoms that would not want that to happen.When you bring a new piece of carpet remnants.

So, it's a good idea to check this with your natural cat health is so he never knew that a new homeAfter removal of the feline, I am not dishing out the tray.Most likely your cat may associate pain with the location of the box, it is mating season there will emerge an alpha cat.When you use and then spray the urine from carpet that much tougher.A cat scratcher that hangs from a shop with a buildup of tartar on the road to a new family member with all the activity outdoors.

If your pet from scratching when the cat will, initially at least, still smelling of them, namely hookworms, roundworms and tapeworms.If you can spray on their body or some furniture.Of course, the principle reason to spay your feline.Do you have to take tissue paper, a rag or a severe infestation.Just don't paint over the area, leave it or spraying the carrier for a few days before the actual move and let it go find a new person in this department.

I'm talking a rush to the mess a little negative reinforcement.A pedigreed cat is super sweet and pleasant.It destroys the cat bad breath can actually hear what you dream of it that ensures your cat is taking action to take the time to ensure the control and be sure to check the water.And of course, these medications you clean the litter box?A cat may be looking rough instead of on.

She worried that your cat seems to be left hungry.Combing with a cat is likely to be any facilities or amenities she would like.They can also use baking soda over the new carpets or furnishings can become very stressed when traveling.So wherever your cat is peeing everywhere and you will also cease to play and may become ineffective.*Two-sided metal comb and work it into the quick.

Quick Way To Remove Cat Urine

The secret is to wait until they are unwell.Some cat furniture has already developed.These plants look like an idiot for a disease.Spraying cat urine odor around the house may be controlled or relieved with a blend of observation and patience on your way to keep them off of our four Persian male cats, contrary to common household cleaners don't contain enzymes.The fact is, you can rub catnip on a leash with training.

This can avoided through cat spaying or neutering, apart from when breeding.Another example is spraying only in the seeds, stems and leaves behind almost no residual chemicals on your furniture from cat owners shy away from your house when you just as well as all the time.The top four symptoms that contribute and may spray items that have got other pets in the market that you cat use it's natural for them to scratch but often don't react to your home which will stop using its litter while other causes can be painful and may result in frustration for them nothing less than thrilled.This though just seems to get rid of them you will not only keep cats away from this action.A cat's emotional wellbeing is just ruling the roost for the final issue: What about the visible stain.

[unwillingkomaedakin]

Entry 1 - June 14th 2020

during school last week, one of my acquaintances (who i’ll refer to on this blog as s if i remember) asked if i wanted to go over to her house for a sleepover. i was sort of over the moon, but also really anxious. it was my first time being individually invited to a sleepover in years. if this makes more sense, when i used to be in a friend group (that was really toxic), they’d have group sleepovers for birthdays and stuff as well as 1 on 1 sleepovers without the rest of the group. i went to a few of the full-group sleepovers, but i myself was never invited to 1 on 1 sleepovers. i’m always the one who has to ask since no one wants to be around me, which is hard for me since i’m really quiet, anxious and shy. no, not shy, that makes me sound cute, nervous fits it better. anyway, so i was somewhat shocked that someone actually wanted to spend time with me outside of school. i was mainly anxious about it, since i have a hard time sleeping somewhere that isn’t my bedroom. my bedroom is like the room version of comfort characters, it’s my comfort room, the only room that makes me feel somewhat safe. i was also really scared it’d be really awkward. anyway, the day came for the sleepover yesterday. i went to s’s house, and it was really nice. her family was good, really nice. i really wish i had a family like her’s, one that got along, didn’t hate, yell at or abuse each other. they were really nice, and really funny, really supportive of s and her hobbies and dreams. her sister is also really nice. what i’d give to have a family like that. 

the first thing we did was s showed me around the house, i ended up leaving my stuff in her room for a while. she had a really big bed. my bed is really small. i want a bed like her’s. her bedroom walls were painted different colors and had stripes. and omg, she had her own private bathroom. i really want a private bathroom, then i’d pretty much never have to leave my room. s and her sister made rice balls for us for lunch, it was my first time having rice, it was pretty good. we watched a bit of beastars on s’s phone, then we looked around in s’s room for a little. s got up her drawing program and told me about this multi-fandom project she was working on. she said she hoped it’d be turned into a tv series, and when i told her that’d be really hard to do due to copyright reasons, she didn’t really mind and remained hopeful. that really warmed my heart, though some of the things about her project confused me due to the amount of details it had. it was good though. after, we went outside to her shed to get blow-up mattresses to sleep on later. the shed was really big, but relatively clean and cosy for a shed. there was a game room with a tv, a couch and a wii. they had a really big caravan that looked cool. i hate travel, i’ve been on a trip in a caravan before, but it still looked cool. s told me that her family was planning on making an art studio for s in the corner of the shed. i wish my family cared about me like that. i should mention, she isn’t spoiled. she’s really nice, i mean she did invite *me* of all people to come to her house after all. she’s really talented, funny. i don’t really feel a lot towards her or have feelings for her or anything like that, but i sort of admire her. after we left the shed, she showed me their old mower which had exploded a while ago. it was really rusty. we saw a baby bearded-dragon outside, and s told me about how she almost stood on a wild snake when her family first moved into the house. 

we went back inside, and she blew up the mattresses with a pump we also got from the shed in the theatre room. i stood there like the idiot i am, not doing anything like usual. i hate myself, i wish i could actually be useful. s brought in a ton of blankets and stuff and we covered our mattresses with them. we played splatoon on our switches for a bit, we played clam blitz on league, and we actually did really well. i actually contributed to my team quite a bit during it, which made me happy. when we had to charge our switches, s asked if i wanted to watch something. s has wanted to get into danganronpa, and i’m already obsessed with it, so i suggest that we start watching a non-commentary playthrough of trigger happy havoc. i love danganronpa, i can play or watch it a million times and still be engaged and never get bored of it. we ended up watching it for hours, with s lowering the volume whenever a character swore since her parents dislike swearing. while we were watching, we were on our mattresses, i was lying down on my back. out of nowhere, s lay down right next to me with our heads pretty much touching. i don’t have feelings for s or anything, but my heart was beating like crazy and i was so happy. i’ve become extremely sensitive to physical contact since i’ve been starved of it my whole life, and when i do get it, it makes me really happy. i think it might do the thing it does when you hug someone or something, where it releases those chemicals in your head that make you happy. that moment only lasted for a few seconds before she moved, but that was a definite highlight of the sleepover. 

in the middle of chapter 1, before sayaka’s body is discovered, we had dinner. we had spaghetti bolognese, and the whole family sat at the table. they were all really nice. they were talking, making jokes and laughing almost the entire time. i want a family like that. i always eat my meals in my room by myself, so this was kind of new to me. after i finished dinner (i was last to finish because i’m a slow eater) we went back to watching danganronpa, and when we got up to the beginning of the class trial, i went to have a shower and s went to get changed since she wanted to have a shower in the morning instead. s let me shower in her bathroom, i’m not exactly sure why, but i accepted and went to her shower. her mom told me she left me a towel on s’s bed. i went into the bathroom, and i looked in her bathroom drawers for a little bit. there was just normal stuff like brushes, dental flosses and pads. i stopped and started getting ready to shower, and after undressing, i realized i forgot to grab the towel. the towel was on her bed, but i was terrified to go get it since i was already naked. after panicking for a bit, i grabbed my hoodie i had taken off (it’s big so it covered my lower regions) and quickly snuck out of the room, grabbed the towel, then went back into the shower. there was no one in the bedroom, but the bedroom door was open and i couldn’t risk being seen naked. i hate my body. her shower was a bit weird, but i liked it. she had a ton of body washes and shampoo bottles and such on the side. i didn’t know which one to use so i ended up using a random one. there was also a small figure toy thing of a goldfish beside the shower. after the shower, i realized there wasn’t a floor mat and the floor would get really wet. i stayed as still as i could while drying off with the towel, then put it on the ground to use as a floor mat. i picked up the towel after i was dressed and left. s was waiting for me on her bed, and after, we went back to the theatre room to finish chapter 1 of trigger happy havoc. 

s said her favorite characters in the introductions were leon, toko and chihiro. when sayaka died, s was happy because she didn’t like sayaka. when i first played trigger happy havoc and sayaka died, i cried for a while so i couldn’t relate to her. during most of the trial, s was certain that toko was the killer since during the investigation, mondo says none of the boys used their toolboxes so s thought the culprit must have been a girl. s guessed pretty early on in the trial that sayaka tried to frame makoto but ended up getting killed, but she didn’t know it was leon, and completely forgot about sayaka’s dying message. during leon’s execution, she cried a bit, which really hurt me, despite me encouraging her to feel emotions during danganronpa earlier. i tried my best to comfort her, but i don’t think i did a good job. after that at midnight, s wanted to go to sleep. i wanted us to watch a silent voice and make popcorn since i had brought popcorn, but since she wanted to sleep, i decided against it. we went to sleep, though it took me ages to fall asleep. i move around a lot when i go to sleep and sleep, but the sounds the air mattresses made were annoying and loud, so i couldn’t move a lot. i have really bad insomnia, so it took me at least an hour to fall asleep. probably longer since i had grown a headache and felt sick from being anxious from not sleeping in my own bed in my bedroom. i kept waking up in the middle of the night. at around 8:30 we woke up, i was really tired. s wanted to make us pancakes, and since i’ve never eaten or made pancakes and knew trying to help would only annoy her, i decided to just sit on the side and play animal crossing. after a while, the pancakes were done, and me, s and her sister ate the pancakes while we watched beastars. i feel like i should mention i’ve already watched beastars, but s and her sister were in the middle of it. the pancakes were good, but i discovered i don’t really like pancakes. i was too scared to ask for toast, so i didn’t eat much. me and s kept watching beastars in the theatre room, and then my mom came to pick me up. 

it was hot outside, and my mom and s’s mom were talking for ages before they decided to split, so me and s had no choice but to just stand there in the sun. after what felt like ages, s gave me a side-hug and i returned it, then me and my mom left. i enjoyed my time there, but i was happy to go back home. my room is my happy place. when i got home, the first thing i did was take a shower since i really felt like having one. i didn’t get to clean myself properly the night before because i was anxious about taking too long. after that, i just did a bunch of random stuff passing the time, like going through reddit, watching my favorite youtubers’ new videos etc. and all that brings us to right now, me making this page and writing this entry. 

i have to go back to school tomorrow, but we only have 2 weeks of school left until a 2 week break. i have a math exam and history exam next week, neither of which i care for too much. i’m mad i have to take them though, i don’t want to. mainly history, i hate history. in my country, we learn about stupid stuff no one cares about in history. we learn the same stuff every single year, it’s stupid. knowing this stuff isn’t going to help us at all. at least in like america you’re learning about past events and presidents or whatever. all we learn about in history in my country is that the white people killed the natives a few hundred years ago. we learned this stuff in primary school, why are we still being taught it in high school? have they just run out of things to teach in history? in that case, just get rid of history as a subject. it’s that easy. oh god, i’ve gone off on a tangent, i’m sorry. i hate going to school. we never got to make popcorn, so i might make it tonight instead. the Komaeda jacket i ordered a while ago has finally been shipped, it’ll get here soon. i’m excited for that. 

[pineapple-scribbles]

Bullet Mates (Part 3)

Part 1🍍     Part 2🍍

A/N: Currently trying to tame the stress of writing art college essays, and making portfolios. If anyone else is getting stressed, I’d just write it all out, this series is a life saver for my anxiety. Even if you don’t like writing, using a private journal can help. 

Rating: Mature

Au: Mafia/Soulmate

Warning: Violence and mild sexual themes. Also, includes colorful language.

Word Count: +2k

Shuffling through the drawers I pulled out some joggers and a slightly fitted running shirt. I had to dress how a man would when working out, but It couldn’t be too tight fitting or else it would give me away.

Checking the clock, it was about 4:45 when I was done getting dressed, and tying up my shoulder-length hair. I had tried mulling through all of my fighting moves that didn’t involve weaponry, fast kills or harming a sparring partner. I settled on bluffing, making sure they thought I was useless in combat. They’d have to teach me their style of fighting or change the course of my training. Usually, Mafia families had their doctors out of sight, and protected, much like their bosses. It wasn’t rare that they did have some trained though, just not recommended.

Since I didn’t know where I’d be training today, I stayed put till Jooyoung set someone to retrieve me. About five minutes later, someone’s rapped on the door. ‘Oh please don’t be that chick. Please, please.’ I open the door, letting out a breath of relief.

A young man slightly older than me, stood flashing a teasing smile. His hair was an auburn shade, parted neatly, but he had a striking seductive undertone about him that made me wary. He was very handsome, and seemingly down to earth that he presents no immediate threat. “Daejung right? My name is Baekhyun, I can show you to the training facility.” setting off to the direction of where I walked towards the dining room this morning.

Spacing myself slightly behind him, he led us through the house. With an abrupt left turn, he started down a set of hardwood stairs. The walls were painted baby blue, there were yet again smaller paintings strung down the walkway. Once at the bottom of the stairs, it seemed we were on the second to last floor. The floor had different rooms that varied in purpose. One held weapons, high tech equipment and types of obstacle courses. There were about 20 people within the area, all of them doing separate training.

That’s when I noticed him, Jooyoung was about 12 feet from me. Shirtless. I nearly choked on air, his core muscles rippled as he landed a punch to his sparring partners stomach. His body glistened. Then he followed with an uppercut, which was dogged. He was expecting this,  leading with a forceful kick that brought his opponent’s feet out from under him, landing on the mat like a sack of potatoes. His bullet wound was tightly bandaged, it didn’t seem to bother him. My own was calming down.

Jooyoung had him pinned down, in that moment I began to imagine self underneath him. I bit my bottom lips to stop myself from moaning out loud. Refocusing, Jooyoung had helped the man up. He grinned widely, speaking to him most likely about his improvements. Once he was done, he turned towards us.

The closer he walked, the easier I could see his tattoos. Splashes of red, black and hints of green were present on his arm taking the shape of geometric roses and an elegant figure.  There were a few others on his skin, but I didn’t get the chance to really see them.

Baekhyun bowed at him, I knew I’d have to as well. I grit my teeth and bowed in respect. “Go help Kara with her weaponry training will you Baekhyun?” Jooyoung asserted. Baekhyun didn’t even hesitate with the request. In seconds he was gone. This also left me essentially alone with him.  “Alright, before we get started we need to test to see what you know.” he persisted. ‘Bring it on’ I snickered, If I could actually show him my skills, oh man he’d probably lose his shit.

He took me into a different mat room, there stood another man. He had a buzz cut hairstyle, his arms were covered with tattoos. He looked so stern I thought he’d crack the wall with just a look.

Already seeming a weakness in him, before we spar. He could definitely outmuscle me, but he was slower than me. I check his stance, his left knee had gone lax more so than his right. Most of his weight was shifted to his right, knowing this I would expect him to set right before attacking, but so he has a worn out left kneecap. One twist and he’d be down.

Jooyoung motioned to where I’d stand, and then indicated to start the fight to the large man. He jumped the gun, stepping right and going right for my upper body. I shifted right as he lunged. Then It hit me, if I could just dodge his moves, I can exhaust him. I would need no use of violence, which will show no threat.

I watched him closely, evading each punch, and blocking a kick he sent my way. I relied solely on my body movement, keeping my maneuvers fluid and smooth. It has been a while since I’ve sparred, but never had I gone completely on defense. I could see the interest forming in Jooyoung’s eyes. He was carefully watching my every move.

His gaze set my skin ablaze, I felt even more determined to show him what I got. I didn’t even know my mind was elsewhere till I heard a sharp crunch, suddenly blood flowed down my face. I let him distract me so much so, that the guy landed a punch that broke my nose from the impact. It burned from the bone being out of place.

My vision began to take on a shade of red, I wanted to break his giant ass neck right here and now. I stared him down, not taking my eyes off him I set my nose back in place, wiping the blood with the back of my hand. Bottling the rage, I converted to adrenaline and circled around him. Taunting him, slowly taking the bait, feet shifted and then lunge. Taking his force, I used it against him. I propelled myself into the air and used him as a weight to get behind him.

He tripped over himself, seeing I was nowhere near him. Suddenly it was fair game now, he was down and getting up would be slower because of his knee that I pinned him there till Jooyoung called it. “Christ! I should make you one of my enforcers instead of a Doctor”. He suggested. It was a notion I needed to avoid, I couldn’t exhibit further than my defense skills. “ I think it’s for the best I don’t sir, I dislike any form of violence.” I detested, Jooyoung didn’t press further on it but he was still evidently very curious. “ I wonder why that is, your form and defensive maneuvers are almost flawless even though you don’t like to fight?” he persisted for more answers. ‘I think fast, what backstory fits my alias?’ I tried to come up with a response. ‘Ah, I got !’

Looking up at him, I didn’t let any of my tells come out that could indicate that I was lying. “When I was a child, I wasn’t the most sociable kid, it made me an easy target.  Until my parents found out, then I was forced into defensive classes.” I knew he was searching for a weak spot, I could see it in his calculating eyes.  What I said wasn’t completely a lie. When my parents passed away, my aunt was working in the council, deciding to take me under her wing.  Mostly because I’d always come back home with a freshly bruised eye,  busted lip and less money that I had when I left the morning of.

I relaxed when he retreated out the door, stopping just for a moment. “Alistair takes her to  the obstacle course, I need to take care of something.” He rushed out, I thought it was odd how his voice had become slightly shaky. “What obstacle is he talking about?” I inquired. Alister turned towards me, responding in short sentences. “You’ll see”. His voice was very deep, that it was almost too hard to understand. ‘Man of few words. How helpful’ I wasn’t going to get anything out of him.  When we went to the obstacle room, just before I can open the door my wounded shoulder became tender, my body was rising in temperature.

While Alistair was walking in, I moved the collar of my shirt to examine the laceration. I carefully peeled the bandage, overnight his wound had become infected. ‘Fuck, I forgot about the bullet I used’ I became aware of the emergency situation. The bullets have a chemical compound used to cause targets that don’t immediately die from the contact to be affected by the infection that sets in.

I ran to Alister, my eyes wild and frightened. He and I could die before the days ends. “Where is Mr.Kim! It’s very important I see him.” Alistair furrowed his brows in confusion. “What do you mean? “ He asked, I was beginning to get pissed. “Where is he! The bullet could have been laced with something, and I hadn’t thought of it until now!” I yelled, he immediately took my arm without another word and rushed us upstairs.

The rooms seemed to blur together, he stopped abruptly at a wood door much like the one at his study. Alister knocked on the door, but we heard no answer. He was about to try again when I walked past him, turning the knob. He was about to halt me, but as the door opened you could see Jooyoung unconscious near the bathroom. Running towards him, I placed my head on his chest. I heard his strong heartbeat, but his faint breathing was an indicator of serious problems.

Turning my attention to Alistair, who was losing his shit, I ordered him. “Get my duffle bag, some rubbing alcohol, and a drip. “ Apparently not hearing me from shock, this time a yelled. “Get your ass going, Now!” This time he ran out of the room as if he caught fire.

Jooyoung yet again was in a dire situation, his lips were cracked from dehydration, and his face was drained ghostly pale. I lightly shook him, there was no sign of acknowledgment. “Jooyoung wake up!” I shook him again, each minute that went by increased my fear. I felt his faint aura but he wasn’t fully in tune with reality.

My mind was clouded, I’ve never been this scared since the day an officer had gone to my house, notifying me that my parents died in a street shooting. I bent down over Jooyoung and placed a kiss on his forehead. The action, steadied my nerves, helping to stay calm. It made me realize how much of my life I had suppressed all emotions, everything was new territory. ‘How could an assassin have significant other?’

It didn’t take Alister long to grab the supplies I needed, there were a few more members at the door when he arrived but the look they received from me halted all efforts to get in. He was already shirtless, so all I had to do was delicately remove the dressing covering the wound. Having a pretty good idea how it looked from my own injury, I was surprised to see the infection that seemed to consume it. There were faint collective gasps within the room. Quickly I walked to the bathroom, washing my hands thoroughly before getting to work

I removed the sutures, it was a fairly mild infection compared to what I’ve seen before. It wasn’t deadly, but if I didn’t fix this now, we will be six feet under.  I took some of the rubbing alcohol, added some healing herbs to it that we genetically produce for quick healing and poured the concoction into the wound. Slowly the infection began to retreat, leaving raw flesh. I feel the whispers of discomfort from the contact of alcohol in the wound.  It was only bleeding, which meant the natural healing processes was taking over.

Digging into the bag, I pulled out a line of stitching and closed it up. Once I was finished bandaging, I motioned for Alistair over. “We need to get him to the bed” I huffed, already exhausted from the echoes of his pain that are affecting me. Alister assisted me, I covered Jooyoung with the plush blankets. After walking over to get the liquid drip, I inserted the needle in his arm so he could get liquids back into his system. Without a single word, I walk out passed everyone. They didn’t stop me, I just went straight to my room.

Having to report back to the council, it was time to play both sides. I knew my place as an assassin, but also as an individual. Using my connections, I can find out why Jooyoung was the target in the first place. 

Thank you for reading! <3

[callmeblake]

Frank Iero and The Patience at The U Street Music Hall, Washington D.C. - July 21st, 2017 

PARACHUTES: FRANK IERO EXPLORES DEPTH IN MUSIC, LIFE AND MORE 

By: Erin Martin

Photo Credit: Jeremy Long

Interview below the cut

Construction railings shield the growing line outside of U Street Music Hall from the scorching heat in Washington, DC. With just one look at the crowd, a passerby cannot pinpoint what the line is waiting for. From My Chemical Romance to Death Spells, each avenue Frank Iero has taken in his music career is represented.

A van pulls up, and out comes Frank Iero and company, all of whom have spent the past hours visiting Dischord Records in the city and grabbing lunch. The call time for loading in their equipment had been pushed an hour, so we make our way down into the heart of U Street, along with the equipment.

The green room is a grungy hole where countless artists have set up before. Furnished with old, black leather seating and a simple bathroom, the artist’s bags have been dropped off and Iero graces the room. Debuting his fresh haircut, Iero immediately fills the space with his charm. Dressed in black head to toe and adorned with an assortment of pins and patches, Iero recounts his last time in DC for his tour promoting Stomachaches with frnkiero andthe cellabration. This time, the band is nearing the end of their east coast dates, which will culminate in New Jersey, Iero’s hometown.

In October of last year, Frank Iero and the Patience released a sophomore album, Parachutes, which has given listeners everything they could ask for. Iero’s music progressed from the rigged, DIY basement punk that sounds homemade and raw, to a more refined and polished punk rock masterpiece. The lyrics are unregrettably honest and come from the depths of Iero’s soul, only to give listeners a true sense for what goes on inside his head. With bringing Ross Robinson on board, Iero tells Teal Magazine about his experience working with the legendary producer who pushed him out of his comfort zone: “[Ross] is just so kind and so supportive and emotionally present. He asks all of the right questions, like questions you don't necessarily want to answer. He really gets into your head, but like in the best way possible. And here’s the thing too, you see, I don't know maybe the process is different for other people, maybe he is able to see what you need as a person. But my experience was just the most positive beneficial experience I've ever had.”

With the release of any album, artists go on tour to create a live experience for listeners. Unfortunately, the band found themselves in a life-altering accident days before the release, which stole that initial period of excitement every artist looks forward to when sharing their work. Parachutes carries an overarching theme of how things in life essentially happen for us instead of to us. There is always a reason and always a lesson to be learned, and that is the beauty of it. Iero is incredibly honest in sharing how the accident became a real life example of what he conveys to listeners in this album. “I didn't think I was ever going to get to do that again, and to have that be kind of like stolen from you, it knocked like the wind out of my lungs, and like the soul out of my chest kind of thing. It was all encompassing and it took me a couple of weeks to kind of sit down and really listen to the record. [It] was so sad that I had been so proud of this thing and maybe not get to ever do it again, especially with the songs I’d worked on so hard but when I listened to it, it felt like I had almost written myself this letter.”

Iero has spent a good portion of his life touring, but has since left those rockstar days behind. Years later, the solo project has Iero back on the road again. With three young children at home, we asked Iero about what it is like being away from his family, “No, it’s hard man, it is. Especially when my kids are young still, they're starting to understand but they're not fully there. They'll ask you questions like, ‘Oh wow, I don't understand like you know my friend [for example] Erica’s dad doesn't leave for weeks and months on end.’ And I'm like ‘Yeah, well first off, Erica’s dad is a dick’, and so it’s like, no I don't say that, but uh it's true, but you know like some [or] most dads get to be there like maybe in the morning for a little bit and then they go to work and then they'll get to see you before you go to bed. And I feel like if you accumulate all those minuscule times and compare it to when I'm off the road, I'm there completely like I probably get more time or at least more quality time you know. By the way, I'm totally kidding about Erica’s dad. Ha! I just made that thing up.”

Teal Magazine: We’re gonna go tell Erica’s dad.

Frank Iero: No, don't tell Erica’s dad. I have to see him at a PTA meeting. But also too, I think it’s really cool that I get to go to different places and bring back like kinder eggs and weird, different things.

Iero’s exploration into a solo career started in 2014 with recording a few songs to reclaim his creativity, which eventually turned into the foundation of a full-fledged album. The difference in both albums stems from who the intended audience was. Stomachaches was not created for others to hear, until a friend of his heard the album, which led to an eventual record deal. “When I set out to do this solo thing, I decided I would name the band after something I needed to bring with me or wanted around me and then I was like alright that’s done and now I gotta go in the studio and kind of like think the process of going to the studio and making a second record, or third record, or fourth record, is you’ve kind of got to go in and reinvent yourself and kind of re-figure out like what it is that you do, how do you do it, you know, what things are supposed to sound like and if you do it correctly, you sound completely different basically from where you were. Cause you've grown as an artist and as a person. The downfall is that you have to call the band the same thing and I was like, well that really stinks and then I thought to myself well if it’s a solo project then there’s no rules. Like I could just do whatever the hell I wanted, so I want to change the name.” Keeping things unorthodox, Iero foresees continuing to change his band’s name. The work behind building a new band's aesthetic and visuals is what excites him. Iero has explored many artistic outlets, everything from painting to photography. A creative mind leaves an artist hungry for their next piece of work. For Iero, he loves the challenge of figuring out how to do something along the way, sort of “stumbling [his] way through it”. DIY is taken quite literally when Iero decided to create a sculpture from a piece of wood and nails, which would be featured on the cover of his Record Store Day release, For Jamia. The passion behind everything Iero does is undeniable and is well appreciated by those who connect with his work.

On the Parachutes track list, a theme of darkness is apparent. With such unique names, it makes sense to be curious about how Iero goes about coming up with these outrageous names. “I think it’s song to song. Sometimes you come up with a name and you're like, ‘Oh that’s so good, I got to write that down and sometimes it becomes a song. Sometimes it just stays in your phone, you know as a weird little uh quip, I guess”.

One of the more interesting titles is Veins! Veins!! Veins!!!!, a song that discusses “Being the offspring of addiction and/or offspring of an addict and knowing that it runs like through you and that you could definitely go that way if you wanted to”. Veins! is one of the many powerful concepts Iero explores on the record. This song was supposed to be the name of the album, but according to Iero, “It didn't work out that way and I'm really glad it didn’t. When I thought it was going to be the name of the record, I only imagined it being like an EP. And um, it didn't encompass everything that I was trying to say, so that’s why I kind of pushed it aside… It just kind of, because I felt like basically in a nutshell I'm going off on a tangent, do you want me to go off on a tangent?” The room bursts into laughter. Other titles like Remedy and Oceans seem simple, but an observant look at the lyrics reveals much more depth than one can imagine.

The music industry can be filled with entitled artists who forget those that helped them along the way to success. Iero’s humble and genuine demeanor is refreshing and greatly appreciated. Speaking with him feels as if you are talking with a friend, a comfort level you do not reach with strangers right off the bat. Iero must be on the top of everyone’s list for the ice breaker question “Who you would have dinner with, dead or alive?”. This man has so much to say, and each and every word is worth hearing. Frank Iero and the Patience is a project filled with a masterful sound and lyrics, and definitely not a band to fall off your radar. Iero’s personality shines on stage, leaving an everlasting connection with each crowd, bringing them back to the next set for more. Not only are these crowds incredibly invested in him as a person and artist, but the diverse age range brings an entirely new element and shows the lasting effect of Iero’s successes.

While one tour has ended, Frank Iero and the Patience will be touring Europe with Dave Hause and the Mermaid and The Homeless Gossip Choir. On September 22nd, an EP titled, Keep The Coffins Coming, will be released, which acts as the missing link between Stomaches and Parachutes.

© 2017 TEAL MAGAZINE

[iamkellyadams]

The Best Meal Replacement Vegan Protein Powder For Your Shakes and Smoothies

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Once I saw the impact that REAL, WHOLE foods had on my life along with the lives of others, there was no way I was going to allow myself to not share that knowledge.

I had to get the word out!

And so here I am today. My team and I at FitLife.tv are determined to change the world one person at a time.

How to break your plateau and permanently transform your body?

Replace the deliciously ‘bad’ with the deliciously GOOD – in a way that only takes mere seconds of your time.

If you replace just ONE of your ‘guilty pleasure’ with something that tastes equally yummy, and that’s loaded with SUPER proteins and complete vitamins….

You’ll tip the scale in your favor, and launch an unstoppable domino effect that leads to a permanent body transformation.

The heck with counting calories, obsessing over meal timings, and having fitness take over your life!

You’ve got a life to live.

You’ve probably got a career, and maybe you even have kids. That’s more than a full-time commitment.

Bodybuilders and fitness competitors make it a full-time job just to get and stay in shape year ‘round.

So the vast majority of health and fitness advice out there tells you to do the same. Those ‘experts’ (wrongly) think it’s the only way.

Go hard or go home, right?

But you and I know, ain’t nobody got time for that.

My guess is you’re not trying to win Mr. or Mrs. Olympia. You just want to look great, feel great, have awesome all-day energy, and love life to the fullest.

Perhaps you DO want a ‘beach body’, and turn heads with your shirt off or in a bikini. And that’s ok.

I’m here to tell you our clients are living proof that you can transform your body by making a simple, 60-second decision each day.

And that decision is to simply replace 1 or 2 snacks a day with a superbly nutritious, 100% organic, top quality protein & vitamin supplement that tastes like DESSERT.

I’ll tell you all about it in a moment, but first…know this…

Most Proteins on the market ROB you of the benefits… So you have no idea what you’ve been missing out on!

New research regarding the importance of the RIGHT KIND of protein (and its role in weight loss) has been quickly covered up by the giant food industry.

The reason is simple…

They want you eating their processed, refined and genetically modified foods – foods completely stripped of their nutrients, pumped with chemicals and hormones, and covered with pesticides.

And now…

With the massive increase in chronic health problems like obesity, diabetes and heart disease the demand for the truth has become too overwhelming. People deserve answers…

… and the benefits of increasing your intake of a high quality protein has become one of the hottest topics not only in the health and fitness world but in hundreds of clinical studies worldwide.

Proving that not only does protein burn more fat… but it makes you healthier too.

So what are the 4 biggest ways that protein supplements destroy any chance you have of having the body and health you want?

PROBLEM #1 – Most Supplement Vendors Tell You ‘WHEY To Go’!

Whey is by far the most common and popular protein on the market. What people don’t know is that it’s a dairy by-product left over from cheese production!

It can provide quick absorption, an array of amino acids, and good taste. But not all whey protein is the same. The qualities greatly differ. Not to mention, it’s dairy-based. So if you’re even the slightest bit lactose intolerant (and the vast majority of people are)…

Whey protein can hit you pretty hard in your stomach… and NOT in a good way.

This often leads to poor digestion, bloating, and even gas.

PROBLEM #2 – Soy Protein Is Another Potential Disaster

Soy is derived from soybeans, which is a type of legume.

Legumes are naturally very high in protein while at the same time low in fat. To make soy protein, manufacturers grind up soybeans into a meal, which has no hulls or fat. The meal is then processed into a protein isolate.

Here’s the problem…

Years ago, it was discovered that soy protein decreased testosterone and raised estrogen, which is NOT good for fat loss and muscle toning. Even for women!

If you want to get rid of the excess fat and tone up your muscles to give you that sexy bikini body… even women need more testosterone production.

That’s what’s NOT being told to you!

Although recent studies have come out to challenge some of these claims about soy, it’s still a controversial (and very risky) source of protein.

Just consider that over half of the soy harvested in the world is genetically modified, and is often sprayed with chemicals and pesticides.

It’s well documented that soy protein can have harmful effects on many aspects of your health, including thyroid disorders and hormonal imbalances.

PROBLEM #3 – Other type of protein wreak havoc or they’re ‘Incomplete’

Simply put, most other protein drinks that resort to egg and processed dairy can wreck havoc on your digestion, cause painful bloating, inflammation, and even acne.

Also….

What makes protein so great is that it’s a source of amino acids. And amino acids are the building blocks of muscle tissue.

Amino acids can be broken down into two main categories: essential and non-essential…

Essential amino acids cannot be made by the body, and can only be sourced from food intake.

That’s why the majority of proteins outside of soy and why are considered ‘incomplete’ proteins when taken alone.

By themselves, these alternate sources of protein often don’t deliver all the ‘building blocks’ for your muscle tissue.

But you’re about to see an amazing combination that overcomes this issue, and blows away soy, whey, egg, and all other types of protein supplements!

PROBLEM #4: The Best Protein on the planet may never fully get inside…

If you do enough research you’ll discover one of the most disappointing truths about protein and other supplements.

They go largely unused by your body. Absorption is too low!

Aside from the fact that proteins often come with all kinds of unhealthy (and downright dangerous) ingredients that denature their quality…

It’s also because you may have years of damage done to your digestive system from harmful toxins in the foods you eat.

So the chances of you getting the full benefits of fat melting, muscle preserving, and health transforming foods are next to nil.

One solution is to aid your digestion with healthy enzymes, and flush out harmful toxins with vitamins & mineral supplements.

That way you can finally absorb proteins and necessary nutrients to see results.

However, even if you try to take vitamins and enzymes to help fix this problem, you’re still in another conundrum…

Yup, Even Most Multivitamins Won’t Fully Get Absorbed By Your Body… Most multivitamin supplements use synthetic vitamins made in a lab, often derived from GMO soy or corn.

What’s more, shop-bought supplements for vitamin A, B, C, and D often only give you one tiny part of those vitamins.

And what’s left over can barely be absorbed by your body.

For that reason, even those vitamins pass directly through your body, unused.

You see or feel almost no difference, potentially damage your body further, and are left with a big hole in your wallet.

In fact, at the time of this writing, there are vitamin supplements that go as high as $200 bucks on Amazon!

(Are you kidding me?)

One look at their list of ingredients, and some of the potential pitfalls I discussed are there.

So What Is the Right Kind Of Protein Supplement?

One of Pure, ORGANIC Quality That Helps Your Fat Loss, Tones Your Muscles, Destroys Your Cravings, Makes You Feel FULL All Day… And Is Filled With Superb Multi-Vitamins & Digestive Enzymes To Help Transform Your Body From Within!

It’s rare to find such a supplement that fits the bill. But here’s how to tell right away that it may be the right kind…

#1 The ingredients are completely derived from NATURAL, whole foods only.

We’re talking foods that are a product of NATURE rather than the product of a factory.

Think vegetables, fruits, seeds, and nuts. And even 100% natural sweeteners (in moderation) to give you wonderful taste, without harming your body!

#2 It contains organic ingredients only.

It’s been estimated that over 30 million households now choose to buy organic food and products… and for good reason.

They’re making this choice because organic foods and products are produced without GMOs (Genetically Modified Organisms).

Unfortunately, genetically engineered ingredients are found in 75% of non-organic U.S. processed food and food products… including protein powder!

What’s worse is that food products are NOT required to indicate whether they contain GMO ingredients or if the animals used to make the product consume GMO feed.

So the only way to know that you’re consuming non-GMO protein is by purchasing one that is certified ORGANIC.

#3 It’s been ‘put through the ringer’ (thoroughly tested) through a 3rd party to verify it is of the utmost highest quality.

Be very skeptical of protein vendors that claim they’ve done tests on their own product, without a peer review.

They can bend the rules, cut corners, and exaggerate test results with no one to hold them accountable! (Which of course they usually do.)

It Also Contains the 3 Protein Types That Are Unbeatable When Combined, So You Can Ignore the ‘Big Lie’…

The reason why whey and soy are considered “complete” proteins is because they both contain all nine of the essential amino acids your body needs.

However, do NOT be fooled…

Many protein vendors use this fact to discredit other plant-based, vegan proteins!

They’ll tell you that pea, pumpkin seed, and other plant/vegan proteins are inadequate or inferior in some way, because by themselves they’re not “complete”.

But as you’re about to see…

This is easily fixed by combining them together, along with other ingredients, to maximize amino acid benefits. Therefore they’re often just as good, if not better.

In other words, don’t let the marketing messages of some protein vendors discourage you from using the following superior combination of plant-based proteins…

Pumpkin Seed Protein

There is a ton of pure nutrition packed into each serving of these little seeds! Often overlooked, but rarely matched – pumpkin seeds deliver a generous helping of plant protein, vitamins, minerals, antioxidants and nutrients that promote full body health.

➢ Magnesium for heart health – up to 80% of Americans are deficient in this vital mineral! ➢ Zinc to boost immunity – protect against toxins and environmental hazards. ➢ Healthy Omega-3 Fats for a strong mind. ➢ Packed full of fiber to support regular digestion and cleanse the colon!

Pea Protein

Pea protein can offer a good alternative to someone looking for a vegan, plant-based option, especially if the person is allergic or sensitive to gluten or dairy.

Pea protein is low in the non-essential amino acids methionine and cysteine and is therefore usually combined with pumpkin seed or other proteins to easily balance it out.

Quinoa (the ‘Super’) Protein!

Quinoa is one of the world’s best health foods, period. Quinoa is gluten-free, high in protein and one of the few plant foods that contains all nine essential amino acids!

It is also high in fiber, magnesium, B-vitamins, iron, potassium, calcium, phosphorus, vitamin E and various beneficial antioxidants.

A few studies on quinoa have shown it is:

➢ A high protein grain alternative ➢ A weapon in the fight against diabetes and hypertension ➢ A natural appetite suppressant ➢ An anti-aging miracle

Unfortunately it’s overlooked as a superb source of protein… so good luck ever finding this inside protein supplements at your local store! Look, the bottom line is this…

It’s not hard to argue there’s one type of food in the world that’s perfectly safe and incredibly beneficial for everyone to eat: plants.

Almost all other sources of food can come with some dangers, depending on how sensitive someone is or what health condition they may have.

By Combining the 3 Very Best Plant Proteins Together, You Get the Safest, Purest, Highest Quality Protein Known to Man!

When you combine proteins that are completely safe to take, absolutely great for your overall health, and don’t come with any of the dangers or pitfalls of whey or soy (the 2 most heavily marketed proteins)…

You get the best of everything.

And by having the proteins and all other ingredients be 100% natural and ORGANIC…

You now have the formula for the very BEST protein you can ever get your hands on.

Organic vegan (plant based) protein is the cleanest, healthiest, and most natural form of protein powder on the market.

By combining organic pumpkin seed, organic pea, and organic quinoa proteins, and only using the purest, most natural ingredients to go along with them…

You get a protein blend that does WONDERS in achieving your dream body and incredible health… at amazing speed.

It Supports Your Immunity & Digestion With A Premium Multi-Vitamin & Enzyme Blend That’s Properly Absorbed!

Inadequate digestion affects almost everybody…

Same with nutrient deficiencies!

The result is very little absorption, plus bloating, gas, constipation, and all kinds of other discomfort.

So what good is protein or any healthy food if your body is NOT properly absorbing it?

That’s why it’s critical you get an array of vitamins and enzymes to help address this problem.

The vitamin-C, vitamin-E, vitamin-B6, and vitamin A inside the right kind of protein supplement are all harvested from real food sources.

This will allow you to feel the nutrients absorb faster, and get a near-instant immune system upgrade.

Plus…

The digestive enzyme blend inside it soothes your belly, and at the same time increases absorption of nutrients.

With increased absorption, you finally see and feel the incredible difference of a top quality protein!

After A Vigorous Process, We Developed A Complete Protein + Multivitamin That Does All This and Then Some…

It uses all-natural food ingredients only

It’s filled with healthy, supportive multi-vitamins and digestive enzymes that get into your system

It’s 100% certified organic

It’s void of any artificial flavors or sweeteners

It isn’t loaded with unhealthy sugars like other supplements

It’s completely plant based, so it doesn’t have the drawbacks whey or soy proteins come with

It’s soy, dairy, and gluten-free

It is 3rd party tested, so it’s been peer reviewed for purity, top quality, and freshness

It’s void of any artificial flavors or sweeteners

It tastes INCREDIBLY good (dessert-like!)

And it goes beyond just being a protein. It’s a powerful All-In-One Shake.

INTRODUCING ORGANIFI COMPLETE PROTEIN

You’ll Get A Balanced Shake AND Your Vital Vitamins ALL In One Delicious Drink That Mixes Quickly And Fills You Up For Hours!

Here’s how it stands out from the rest:

High Protein

It gives you 20 grams per serving of premium, plant-based, organic protein. And that makes Organifi Complete Protein the best choice out there, period!

Delicious Taste & Pleasing Texture

It’s the top quality organic ingredients that give this drink a rich, velvety flavor. You’ll also love the creamy, filling texture. No disgusting “chalk” -like taste that most proteins come with!

Filling and Satisfying

The plant protein power and satiating fats leave you feeling full for hours. The delicious taste and texture also keep your taste buds satisfied and stop cravings in their tracks.

Digestion Health Support

Unique enzymes soothe your stomach and prevent bloating. These same enzymes also increase your body’s absorption of vitamins.

Well Balanced Meal

Even mixed in water, this quick shake has a complete balance of protein, carbs and Medium-Chain Triglycerides. It’s the perfect meal on-the-go, and an even better quick snack.

Saves Time

A high protein, organic meal with vitamins and minerals has never been this fast and easy. Just drop a scoop in water, mix it, and enjoy. It’s simple, it’s easy, and it tastes so good, you’ll never want to skip it!

Immunity Support

Organifi Complete Protein is also bursting with whole food vitamins and minerals. These are healthy building blocks your body needs to have a strong immune system. Now featuring complexes A,B,C, and D, plus over 10 other essential vitamins! Start your day trusting you’ve made the healthiest choice!

Mixes Very Well

No clumping, and no blender necessary. Watch how quickly and easily it dissolves in water, milk (or milk alternatives such as almond or coconut), or your favorite beverage!

Oh and It Tastes Like A Delicious Dessert You’ll Absolutely Love. No “Chalk” Like Taste or Disgusting Aftertaste!

Take A Look At The Short List Of Top Quality Certified Organic Ingredients Inside Organifi Complete Protein:

Monk Fruit

This sweet, exotic fruit is gaining popularity for it’s delicious, smooth flavor. According to legend, this rare melon was named after the monks in China who planted the first orchards. Recently, nutritionists were baffled to discover it has zero calories, and no effect on blood sugar. Coupled with the antioxidant power, it’s easy to see why monk fruit is valued as mother nature’s healthiest natural sweetener.

Coconut

Most people describe their first taste of fresh coconut as fragrant and quenching. This fruit of paradise has been used to sweeten dishes for thousands of years. Today, coconuts are finally being noticed for their health benefits. The MCTs in coconuts can help speed up metabolism and even reduce cravings.

Vanilla Bean

Vanilla adds a familiar, scented flavor that might jog some childhood memories. It’s loaded with minerals like magnesium, potassium, and calcium. Vanilla also has mood boosting and energy enhancing effects on your body.

Pumpkin Seed Protein

Pumpkin seeds make the perfect plant proteins. They are extremely rich in magnesium. So they help strengthen bones, teeth, and even your heart. And most importantly, they’re full of amino acids for your cells, iron for your blood, and fiber to keep you feeling full all day long.

Quinoa Protein

Quinoa is a very nutritious plant protein used for thousands of years in South America. It even contains anti-inflammatory compounds called flavonoids. Most people love quinoa protein for it’s familiar oatmeal-like flavor.

Pea Protein

Peas are especially beneficial for people who exercise or perform physical activities. They are rich in amino acids, which your body needs to repair your cells. Peas are also high in lysine, which is used for stronger, firmer skin.

Plus We Added Nutrients To Make It Truly Complete & Beneficial…

MCTs

Medium-Chain Triglycerides are a type of plant fat found in tropical foods. You’ll love the extra energy and mental clarity these bring you. MCT’s are instantly converted into energy for your muscles and even your brain. The best part is, they’ve also shown to DOUBLE your fullness and fight cravings!

Feel full and satisfied for hours. With, unique digestion-soothing enzymes…

The good protein, MCT’s, and vitamins all need to be digested and absorbed properly to reap the benefits. We’ve included plant based digestive enzymes to help you break down and absorb your nutrients. This also helps prevent indigestion and bloating.

So Let’s Sum Up The 13 MAJOR Ways Organifi Complete Protein Leaves All Other Protein Drinks Behind…

20 Grams Of Organic Plant Protein Power

Delicious 5-Star-Flavor With 5-Star Ingredients

2 Grams Of Filling Soluble Fiber

Omega-3 Fats From Organic MCT Oil

Plant-Based Digestive Enzymes

60% Of Your Recommended Selenium

50% Of Your Recommended Vitamin-C

50% Of Your Recommended Vitamin-D

50% Of Your Recommended Vitamin-E

50% Of Your Recommended Vitamin-A

50% Of Your Recommended Thiamin

35% Of Your Recommended Iron

45% Of Your Recommended Molybdenum

Many more vitamins and minerals!

The post The Best Meal Replacement Vegan Protein Powder For Your Shakes and Smoothies appeared first on Get Health Remedies.

[fanfiction-for-me]

Party in the House

It was a very busy afternoon in the Rad Youth residence, because that night we were having the first party that would introduce us to the world of music and Rock n' Roll. Every notorious band and solo artist we could think of was invited, and the disco room in our estate was set ready to have the time of our lives that night.

Why were we throwing a party, you wonder? Well, little more than a year ago ago we came together as a band when we found Davie on a Café playing guitar and singing. We immediately knew he was the one we were missing and he was integrated as the bassist. Sass and I already had some success and money from selling pastries and sweets back home, enough to move to the US and try to make it here (Ah, the ‘merican dream). It was always our life-long desire to form a band together, and every choice in our lives we had taken to achieve this.

Well, back to the story: after finding Davie and together with our incredible drummer Lila we worked our asses off like never before. It was pretty fucking hard and much tears, sweat and blood had been shed, but eventually we created something we were so proud of. After that we could only pray we get signed for a record deal, which eventually (another 3 horrible months of surviving on instant ramen), we did. What happened after was so unreal. Our debut single blew the fuck up; everyone wanted something from us, people worldwide went crazy overnight... We had made it! Soon we were building our humble home in L.A. at the same time we recorded our debut album. Everyone expected greatness and needless to say, we delivered. Our album sold billions of copies worldwide the first week of its release... something truly incredible for newbies such as us. And that brings me back to now: half a year into the craziness and we start touring in two days... so we’re throwing a party!

I still couldn't believe that less than a year ago Lila, Sass and I were looking for a bassist and a record company to get signed in and now we are a very famous and recognized rock band. Our luck was too much; we were still trying to get used to the whole fame thing and it was already happening. People screamed when they saw us walking on the street and asked us for pictures and autographs, our favorite bands knew who we were and wanted to meet us at our party and there were billboards of our tour on the streets and pictures of us in magazines. 

I was currently in my room, thinking about all this and trying to find a dress that would make me look even more gorgeous than I already am, with Sass, who was looking for some matching earrings for her outfit. I finally find this low-shoulder, long-sleeved bubble gum pink dress that was up the knee and splattered with black paint around the hem. It went just perfect with my hair, and I knew exactly the shoes I was going to wear: my high-heeled combat boots.

"Yo, Sass, look here, you like?" I grinned wide at her as I held the dress from the hanger and waved at it dramatically with my free arm.

"Cool dude", Sass laughed and gave me the thumbs up. "This party is gonna be mega epic"

I went inside my closet to put on the dress and talked loudly so Sass would hear me. "I know! Hopefully all the bands we invited come"

"Of course they will bro, everybody wants to meet us; we are like, the lucky noobs in the business"

"Yep, you're right. I'm worried though" I said as I walked out smugly out of the closet with my dress. "Ta-da", I turned as I wiggled my eyebrows at Sass.

"Be-ah-u-tiful my dear" she approved, "but why are you worried?"

"Well-", I walked over to my toilet case and started to take out makeup, the blow dryer, hairspray, earrings... "I dunno, I'm just afraid that I might not be able to contain my excitement and look like a fangirl around them. What if I like, spit my drink when I see Beyoncé, or squeal when Jared Leto walks into the room?" I violently brushed my hair to untangle it, and looked back in panic at Sass from the mirror.

"Oh, you're right. But, I guess we'll be fine. I know I'll probably cry when I meet My Chemical Romance, but you shouldn't worry about meeting 30 Seconds to Mars because you've already seen them in person before. You were paralyzed, but at least you were not going crazy. And if you do go crazy this time, you can fix it." Sass paused and I still looked at her a little uneasy. I'm still not sure if I can keep my fangirly-ness in control tonight.

"We are famous now, Chelita. I bet they will take the time to actually talk with us and hear what we've got to say to them, and not only because of that, but also because we are the hosts of the party, remember? So chill, and go crazy if you want to because I bet that even after that they'll think you are awesome."

I smiled at Sass. She could be overly sarcastic sometimes, but right now she was being honest. "Thanks dude, guess I will be able to handle it"

"Any time my dear". I just finished applying my lip gloss, when Lila and Davie burst into my room.

"Everyone ready to party?!" Lila screamed full lung; Davie following close behind, looking really hot.

"Fuck Yeah!" Sass replied.

"Davie! Show yourself baby" I clapped my hands and moved closer to where Davie was leaning against the wall. When I said that, Davie laughed and stood up straight, walking to the center of the room and jumping on the bed.

He was striking poses like a mad model. "What? Do I look hot today?" he asked with a fake ignorant tone, very conscious that he always looked gorgeous. We tried to not feed his ego for that reason, but today we were allowed to brag our looks because we all looked really good, and we were excited for the coming evening.

Davie was wearing a loose V-neck with cool motives which was way more expensive than you would've thought it was. He had gray aviator sunglasses on, his dirty blonde hair shining like the sun under my pink Christmas lights. His jeans were plain black and he was wearing a chain instead of a normal belt because that's how we roll. Ah, the benefits of being a rockstar: back then when we dressed this way we were looked down as weirdos but now we were setting trends. People can be very stupid.

"Get your butt off my bed David" we all hit him as we laughed and he cussed.

"I thought you wanted to see me!"

"Yeah, we have plenty time for that"

Davie got off the bed and looked down at us "Your turn to model" he chortled and pulled me up on the bed.

We all showed our outfits in between laughs and loud flattering comments. I wore my pink dress and my hair loose. I used to be a brunette but right before we released our album I dyed it Barbie blonde, and just to give it attitude I added a black streak over the longest bang, the one I usually wore over my eye. I really liked the contrast my hairstyle made with my pale face and my dark eyes.

Sass and Lila also changed their look, but it wasn't as drastic as mine. Sass wore a short black studded dress over shredded thighs and combat boots, the dark attire making the purple streaks over her black curls jump out. Lila was using metallic gold shorts, a fancy blouse that had many black and white sequins under an electric blue leather jacket which contrasted beautifully with her pixie orange hair, and of course combat boots. We love combat boots. Even Davie was wearing one of his many pairs.

After we finished modeling, we went downstairs to check everything was okay. The party area looked awesome; the ceiling was covered in disco balls and stage lights of every color. People were still setting the buffet, which was mostly fancy and tasty snacks, and an ice sculpture of the logo of our band stood huge over the center of the long table. The DJ was already playing some test music and the sound of it reverberated throughout the near rooms, making our chests thump to the rhythm of the bass. The bartender looked like he had everything set too. Elegance and Rock n' Roll was our theme; black and red roses that matched with the table mats and chair bows; the dance floor was wide and speckled over with glitter and petals.

In conclusion, everything was perfect. We were chilling around the busy party crew, waiting for our guests who will soon arrive, when the doorbell rang. We all froze for 5 seconds before running to see who was at the door. Our butler Sebastian opened it and it was our manager, Tom Kafer. We all groaned simultaneously, expecting it to be someone famous, but when we watch the door again, Kafer is waving someone in... Lady Gaga?

"Oh my God!" "Holy shit!" "I’m gonna flip!"

We were going nuts; Lady Gaga was in our house! But before we could get used to the fact she was there, Beyoncé steps in with Jay-Z. Then Rihanna. Then Adele. And Bruno Mars.

Aweeesome. I never thought I'd get to see these performers in real life, much less in our own home. We were still looking at the arriving guests in wonder when Kafer made us snap out of it.

"Guys, guys, guys!" he clapped on our faces until we looked at him. He looked pissed (as he does). "What are you doing here sneaking glances like little children? You're supposed to be in the room waiting for your guests and introducing yourselves! Move guys, quick, before they come in; move!"

We moved into the room in a daze. We could hear it was getting crowded by the minute inside. The stars started to come in and we introduced ourselves. Most of them seemed genuinely interested in meeting us, smiling and congratulating us for being "the next big thing at such a young age". Others even looked starstruck by us which was... strange. Soon, there were so many celebrities that we had to split in order to give them the proper attention.

I could see Davie was near the bar talking with Taylor Momsen, Lila was concluding with Katy Perry and Sass was welcoming Adam Lambert. I had just finished letting Fall Out Boy in, so I went over to Lila, who had already finished with Katy.

"So far so good, huh?" I nudged her arm with my elbow as we both contemplated the scene in front of us.

"Yep, our party is pretty awesome, everyone looks like they are having fun" she said with an air of proudness, then, a little down she added "too bad our potential boyfriends probably won't be able to come"

"Yeah..." I felt sort of blue now that she reminded me of the fact that Big Time Rush, one of my favorite bands, was on tour at the moment, and although we had invited them (well, technically, Kafer did), they wouldn't be able to make it because they had a show today. The gig was right here in LA, but they still wouldn't make it after they finished.

"Well, guess we'll meet them some other time... After our 6 month tour" Lila rolled her eyes.

"Yeah, hope James is still available after that" I added.

"Why wouldn't he be?"

"I have no idea, I'm just being paranoid."

"Well, don't be; I'm not. I'm pretty sure James will fall for you the minute he sees you" she teased with a wide grin.

"Ha-ha, you're right, and I bet Kendall will also think you're hot!" I laughed, "too bad they won't see us all dressed up and beautiful like we are now"

"Who knows? Besides, dressed up or not, we always look good cuz we are good looking" she concluded. Lila was right, we are hot. Who wouldn't like a pretty Latina girl? Well... I didn't actually look like a Latina much as Sass did, even less now that my hair was blond, and our spanish accent was only slightly noticeable (studying in a bilingual school for 15 years and then go out to live on the US does that to you).

Lila and I were wondering what song our Big Time Rush prospects could be performing when I almost fell backwards as I saw who was entering the room.

"30 Seconds to Mars!" I screeched and waved my hands frantically over my face. My favorite band was here to see us! Jared Leto, Shannon Leto and Tomo Milicevic entered the room with the confidence only a rock band as successful as them could have. I wish one day we will be like that.

"You have to go and talk with them!" Lila pushed me over in their direction and I almost fell over in my heels, but I managed to balance. I checked myself in my pocket mirror already knowing I looked cute; I did, and with that I walked over to the guys that had inspired me to dream bigger than I've ever imagined I could. I just hope my voice doesn't crack because my lungs feel empty on air.

"H-Hi" I uttered and, dammit, it didn't come out as steady as I wanted.

"Hello there" Tomo, the guitar player said and I almost squealed again.

"Um, I'm Michelle Oviedo the lead singer of Radioactive Youth... I-I'm a great admirer of your work, you have no idea- you-"

"We know who you are" Shannon said with an amused smile.

"You-you do?" my idols knew me? Oh, right! I'm famous... I didn't know they listened to my band though...

"Yes, and we are also admirers of your work. You've got a fine voice right there" Jared winked and signaled nonchalantly at me, but always serious and professional, and, holy hell, Jared Leto said he likes my voice!

"Wow, I don't know what to say and I wish I could stop blubbering because there are so many things I want to tell you and I just don't know what to start with because I love you so much and-"

"How about we start with a hug and then we can go sit and talk?" Shannon suggested, and with that I threw my arms around him and hugged him hard. 

Soon I sensed two other pair of arms wrap around me. It felt like that feeling you get when you finally get to your house after a long trip: at home and at peace. I swear I could've cried right there but I didn't want them to think I was weirder than they probably already thought I was, hugging them like a dork and shit.

I spent the next hour gone from the rest of my band and the party, talking with my life heroes about music, our lives and any trivial theme that came in the conversation. I couldn't appreciate what was happening around me because I was having such a great time with 30 Seconds to Mars. They were so funny and even greater than I thought they were. When I finally looked up, curious to know what my bandmates where doing, I could see they were probably having as much fun as I was.

Davie was chilling with the guys of Metallica... Metallica? Whoa, even they were here? Cool, though they look a little intimidated with Davie's over-excitement; poor guys. And holy shit, Sass was laughing at something with the guys of My Chemical Romance! They are Sass' favorite band and one of mine's as well; I'll make sure I go and say hi before the party ends. Lila on the other hand was... Where was she? I can't see her anywhere. Maybe she went to the bathroom or-

"MATE." someone painfully jabbed their fingers at both sides of my waist and with that I knew who it was.

"Oh, God! You know I hate that! I was looking for you, the guys here were-" I gestured to my favorite band before being interrupted.

"Mate!" Lila looked at me wide eyed and solemn.

"What?"

"Big Time Rush" she said unnerved.

"What? No, that can't be; they are in a show, you're seeing stuff-"

"Then who are the guys that are standing there on the doorway?" Lila signaled urgently at the entrance, an expression of lucidity and anxiety combined on her face. Over by the door were Logan, Carlos and our "future boyfriends", Kendall and James; shy expressions on their faces as they studied the space crowded with celebrities.

"How the-?"

"I don't know and I don't care either; they are here and we need to go and talk to them!" Lila grabbed me by my arm and almost dragged me with such a force that always made me wonder how something so tiny has such strength!

"I'm sorry, we need to go and see- you know, they-" I didn't know what to say actually. "I'll be back, just-"

"Go get that boy" Jared winked; smiling suggestively, while Shannon beamed, wriggling his eyebrow and Tomo cackled like a hyena at his expression. How the hell did Jared know I have no freaking idea (am I that obvious?).

I let Lila drag me to where the four good-looking fellows stood up, probably looking for a seat in the crowded place. Before we reached them and they could see us I stopped her. "Wait- how do I look?" I was nervous and insecure all over again. Most of the times I acted over confident and extroverted, because that's how your ideal lead singer should be, but deep inside I was still the shy awkward girl I've been trying to hide and tonight she was coming out pretty often. That made me feel frustrated.

She rolled her eyes "Great, beautiful, whatever; let's go!"

"Don't you want to know how you look?"

"Why?"

"To cause a good impression on Kendall"

"Chelle, they will think we are cute, believe me. And I'm pretty sure I look good; common, I'm wearing a decent outfit today and I have makeup on!" Lila looked at me with an impatient face and I decided to agree even though I was still not sure.

"Yeah, you're right"

"Okay, deep breaths mate and try not to faint".

Together we walked, trying not to fall or do die in the way, for the floor was already covered in the stickiness caused by the drinks dropped when trying to dance with them, and some of it was still wet. The lights were low and the music loud enough so that the boys wouldn't see us coming. Every step took us closer to them and made my hands colder. I could see now that Logan was talking with Kendall about something, Carlos nodding and pointing at what was probably the object of their talk, James stayed silent behind them, tapping his foot and moving his head to the rhythm of the music.

Lila cleared her throat when we were basically in front of them. "Hey, welcome to our party".

The four boys stared back at us and smiled, replying with four different enthusiastic "hey's". I was, on my part, still quiet, until Lila elbowed me so indiscreetly, that even the boys noticed.

"H-hey, um Big Time Rush? Welcome to our party, I am-"

"You're Michelle Oviedo! Better known as Chelle because that's how you like people to call you, right?" Carlos interrupted and damn, I am surprised he is equally excited to meet us than we are. Only Carlos wasn't nervous; does Carlos ever get nervous?

Taken aback, I started to talk again "Um, yeah I do-"

"I'm Delilah Carter, but you can call me-"

"Lila! Drummer right?" this time James interrupted, strong voice making me jump.

"We know who you all are" added Logan.

"We have listened to your album and it's really good" Kendall explained.

"You can't imagine how surprised we were when our manager told us we had gotten invited to your party" said Carlos.

"It's pretty cool to finally meet you"

"Everyone talks about you"

"Logan bought your album twice because I stole the first copy"

"When we saw the video of 'Rebel Generation' Kendall said that-"

Pinch me hard, someone! Was this really happening, or were the BTR guys fangirling over us (well, fanboying in their case) harder than Lila and I over them? We are trying to control ourselves but they just started bombarding us with nice comments! Well, if we did that I bet it would be less "I believe your live performances are neat" and more like "My ovaries explode every time I see you perform Love Me Love Me"; so, on the inside, I guess we are still the biggest fangirls. But we will never let them know that...

"Guys? Guys. Guys... GUYS!" Lila interrupted, looking all cheery and glowing.

"Yes?" the four answered at the same time and for a moment it felt like we were in their TV show.

"Do you want to meet the rest of our bandmates and- if you want- talk later?"

"Sounds great" and Kendall winked at Lila. She glanced back at me and mouthed something that seemed like "omigosh", and looked pretty stoked. I would've been too if James winked at me.

It was time to take action, so I moved next to Logan and James, while Lila was walking in front of us in between Carlos and Kendall. I still couldn't believe we were walking together with the guys of Big Time Rush; if I were seventeen years old again or just nine months ago and you would've told me this would happen, I wouldn't believe it. Our lives had changed so fast and we were definitely living the good life now; I'm so grateful for this moment that I'm not even wishing to be James' girlfriend or something, but just enjoying his and his bandmates' company. Besides, being his girlfriend would be too much luck and I think I already spent all the luck I have in getting to the top with my band.

Now that I was past the shock of the moment, I started to really look at the guys and I wondered... How the heck can they look hotter in real life? I mean, Kendall's eyes have always been beautiful, but here under the flickering lights of the dance floor they blazed a silvery green, and it was something hypnotizing to see. Logan's hair was lighter than I thought it was, and Carlos' smile made me want to smile as well. But James was otherworldly for me. He was everything: sexy, adorable, handsome... gorgeous. He stood a head over me and I swear all of his body was covered in muscles; gosh, he is so hot. He even smells like hotness! (Is that even possible?). It's getting a little warm inside my dress too; I just hope I don't start sweating.

I tried to distract myself by pretending I was looking for Sass or Davie, but my eyes couldn't toss the opportunity of staring at the beauty that was James Maslow, so they turned to see him only to realize that he was staring back. My dark brown eyes locked with his sparkling hazel ones for a second, before he flashed his straight white teeth in a very lovely smile. Was it possible that he was checking me out? I'd like to think maybe, after all, I am kinda cute. Even though I am still almost five years younger than him. Yeah, that's right almost five (four years and a half to be exact). It doesn't sound that weird to me though, because I am 18 and he is 22 right now, and that's not so bad, is it?

I tried to smile back, but my cheeks felt warm, so I guess I was blushing; great. Where are Davie and Sass? I'm humiliating myself here.

"Oh, there they are" said Lila. Davie and Sass where standing by the food table, talking to no one else but the guys from Black Veil Brides, and Sass kinda had a thing for the vocalist, Andy Biersack. She looked sort of annoyed at Davie though, and I bet it was because he was fanboying. Black Veil Brides is one of Davie's favorite bands.

"Let's go and say hi" I suggested. I was still ecstatic for being with Big Time Rush but that didn't stop me from being excited about meeting another band I love.

"Yo guys! These are Kendall, Logan, James and Carlos from Big Time Rush and they wanted to say hi" Lila caught our bandmate's attention and signaled to the group.

"Hello, nice to meet you" Sass replied, but I could see she was a little distracted with Andy laughing at CC's ridiculous dance moves on the background. Andy was pretty cute even though he was wearing all black and had his war paint on. It's possible, believe me, he has a baby face.

"'Sup?" Davie mumbled and turned around to slap hands with the four guys. Then, he addressed Lila and me "Hey, aren't these the guys that you were so sad 'bout that they wouldn't be able to come?"

We looked at Davie with a crazy "you are not supposed to say that in front of them" face. Seriously? Guess our secret was out now.

Lila and I could feel four pair of eyes watching us.

"We kinda like you too... We are Rushers." Lila explained.

"No way!" James grinned at both of us and I reddened more.

"Yeah way" I slurred and laughed a little. "We thought you guys wouldn't come; our manager-"

"Hey, do you have any booze here? My throat is drying up!" Andy called attention to himself with his low and loud voice.

"Sure, come with me" Sass grabbed him by the arm and took him to the bar. Nice to see she was feeling confident!

"Cool meeting you, Big Time..." Andy struggled to find the word.

"Rush" they all answered at the same time

"Oh, yeah. Bye!" and with that he left with Sass.

"Sorry about that" I told them.

"Meh, it's okay, as long as you girls know who we are, its fine" Logan winked. So it is true that he is the flirt of the band...

Carlos bumped Logan on the arm "Hey Loges, let's go and say hi to Selena" "Okay. Hope you girls don't mind being with these two dorks" he pointed a James and Kendall, who rolled their eyes at him.

"No, we're good, go and have fun; that's what we threw this party for!" Lila playfully slapped his arm and we both waved bye at him and Carlos.

Now we were alone with our Big Time Crushes.

"So... What do you want to do?" asked Lila.

"Well, I'm kinda thirsty, could we go for a drink?" suggested Kendall.

"Sure"

"James, you coming man?"

"No, thanks, I'll stay here"

I watched with dread and relief as Kendall and Lila left me by myself with the man of my dreams. We were finally alone; I'd never thought I'd actually be alone with him! But what am I supposed to do? I'm too nervous to think about something intelligent to say or ask so I'll probably stay silent until I figure something out, which will probably be in a long while and I'll bore him out and then bye bye opportunity to seduce James Maslow. All this time while I was panicking in my head, James had been answering a text, and now he was putting out his phone.

"So..." he started

"So...?"

"Cool party." James concluded.

"Yep" and thank God my brain had a question in mind, "-hey, I never knew how come you were able to arrive, I thought you had a show tonight at the House of Blues?" I was surprised that my voice came out casual. Well, it had to; after all, I was the hostess.

"We did, but it got cancelled"

"Mm, too bad"

"Yep, I was pretty excited for it. But being in your party is better, I would've been more upset if I lost this" he motioned around him.

"Really? Why?" I've got to say, I was genuinely surprised.

"Are you kidding? You're just new in this thing and you're already the rock band of the moment, or as Rolling Stone wrote 'the promise of Rock'" he made quotes in the air and chuckled.

"Right, that does sound attractive" I laughed. Did Rolling Stone really write that? "It does. Plus, I had already heard your music and I think it is really good. And I'm not a Rock type of guy!"

"Glad you like it" I smiled "Do you have any favorite song of ours? And don't say 'Rebel Generation' please, because everyone likes that song" I teased him and he chuckled at my comment; I was making him laugh, that was a sign that I wasn't boring him out so I immediately relaxed. Being with James was more comfortable than I thought it would be. I wasn't even noticing the way his lips moved when he talked, or even his large hands, or his beefy pectorals... Well, okay, I was, but which girl wouldn't?

"Well I have a few, besides 'Rebel Generation', of course" James looked at me, looking guilty as charged "' Your Sick Heart' has a great guitar solo and the drums in 'Solstice' are sick! But lately I've been obsessing with 'On my Mind'; that song is plain beautiful"

"You think so? I wrote that song!"

"You did? Well, no wonder why it's so amazing" he winked at me, and I hoped he didn't noticed how my breath came out a little shaky. That man could make my body respond in weird ways.

"Thank You" I responded modestly.

"Welcome; shall we sit?" James offered. I felt like I should tell him something about his band too, since he was flattering mine so much and also, I wanted to do it. We sat front to front on a small table that was next to a wall, far from the dance floor. For a moment we just looked at each other, smiling and shifting nervously, neither of us having something to say. Just when I was about to tell him how much I had liked their latest album, James spoke.

"I like your hair, it's unusual... and it suits you."

"Thanks, you know, I used to be a brunette..." I spoke, not really calculating why he would want to know that.

"Like me?" he questioned with a cocky grin, and as he did so, James flipped his hair with a movement of his head that almost made me start hyperventilating.

"Uh- yeah, sort of, mine was darker I think" I brushed my tips with my hands in a hurry out of a nervous habit.

"Why did you dye it?" I don't really know why would he want to know all that, but he seemed interested, so I answered.

"Well, I thought that I would need a more rock and roll-ish appearance if I was going to be in a band and I chose blond because I have always wanted to be blond for some reason; I thought it would suit me"

"It does," James agreed "but I bet you looked pretty with brown hair too"

He had me now. I didn't know how to respond to that, so all I did was grin at him and blush like the shy girl I was. James just looked at me in my eyes and smirked, a mix of self-consciousness and measured flirting. His perfect tanned face looked soft under the very faint light, and I wanted nothing more than grab him by the collar of his jacket and make out heavily with him. I instinctively bit my lip as I thought about his lips on mine. Big mistake, for we were still making eye contact. The moment I took in that, I stopped doing it, viewing down at my hands, bracelets making noise as they made contact with the table. James was almost in the same position as I was, and before I could steady myself and say something, I stared as his hands moved next to mine touching my bracelets too. If it were any other guy, I would've thought the move was totally random and weird, but since it was James Maslow, I thought it was the best thing ever, of course. My eyes moved up to his face only to see him still eyeing at me with a friendly expression. We stayed staring at each other, and just when his glare moved to my lips (which totally meant something! Right?), our golden silence was broken.

"CHELLE!"

I flinched as I heard my name and then stood up fast from my seat "What?!" to be honest, I was pissed.

"Help me! Please?"

"Excuse me for a minute James?" I said in a sweet tone that was a complete contrast to how yelled just now. James just mouthed a "sure", looking bewildered and slightly curious.

I took Davie a good 6 feet from James and lectured him "David Alexander Tscharke, I was having a beautiful moment back there with James freaking Maslow! What the shit is wrong with you, interrupting like that?"

"Whatever Chelle, I needed one of you; it's an emergency!" I have to admit, Davie did look worried... but I still wanted to kill him.

"Then why didn't you call Lila or Sass?"

"I can't find Lila anywhere; last time I saw her she was talking with a blond guy; Sass is with Andy and she told me that if I bothered her she would kill me!"

I sighed exasperated. Stupid Davie. "What's the problem?" I asked tiredly, hands on my hips. It wasn't the first time, or even the tenth.

"Well, I sort of accidentally knocked someone out."

"What the fuck Davie?" I couldn't help shouting; was he crazy? If someone heard about this it would be on the news and they would see us as a violent band! I'm also pretty sure James heard me, because I could see he was choking a little on his drink. Great, now he will think I have a potty mouth... Although I sort of do. 

"Davie, how the hell could that be accidental? Are you insane?" I whispered loudly.

"No! I swear- it really was an accident! I was on the bathroom releasin' the drinks I had taken, when this fat guy with a cam'ra comes and opens the door- I didn't knew it wasn't locked! He must've been a papzz though, cus he had a fancy lookin' cam'ra over his neck an' he snapped a picture of me! PEEIN'!

If I wasn't so mad at him, I'd laugh at what he just told me.

Davie continued his story "So my first reaction was to shoot my fist out right at his jaw, but he moved a litt'l, so the punch landed on his right temple"

"Goodness Davie, why would that be your first reaction?" that was a rhetorical question actually because I already knew the answer. Back when Davie lived in Australia, his house was located near the beach and also near the wilderness of the jungle. He had to know how to react fast to danger (specifically animals). This wasn't exactly dangerous, but it was an "act quickly" situation.

"Well, what do you want me to do about it?" I couldn't find out why he would need my help.

"You're a woman, Michelle; maybe you could- I don't know- nurse him?"

I tried to give Davie my best death glare as I crossed my arms.

"Aw, common! Look, you can bring your boyfriend over there; he could help too" Davie pointed at James.

"He's not my boyfriend Davie, and in no way am I gonna ask him that!"

"Please! I need someone strong to help me move the guy; he's pretty fat!" Davie begged.

I decided to give in. After all, friends help other friends."Fine" I said curtly, and Davie punched the air in triumph. Ashamed, I made my way back to the table where James was fumbling with the edge of his glass.

"Hey, James? We need your help. Well, Davie does"

"What's wrong?" and I explained the whole story of how Davie had left a paparazzi unconscious for taking a picture of him while peeing. James snickered adorably at this, and in return Davie glared back, which made him shut up. I looked at Davie with narrowed eyes and he let it go.

"Okay then, I'll help you". We all moved together to the "crime scene", where a fat guy (he really was fat) lied thrown on the floor, camera at a side, looking dead to me. I sighed and moved to the floor to check if he was breathing. He was.

"He's not dead!" I informed. Davie sighed a breath of relief and James chortled, earning another glare from Davie.

"Stop that" I warned him again. He was being sort of rude, considering James was helping him.

"But he's laughing!" Davie protested childishly.

"Sorry" James apologized. He was too sweet.

"Don't worry James, I would be laughing too if this wasn't such a stupid situation" I looked at Davie as I made my emphasis and he frowned back at me. I ignored that. "Start moving him before anyone sees this" I ordered.

The two guys proceeded to do so; James shrugged out of his leather jacket to reveal a black button up shirt that hugged around his muscles perfectly. I gawked dreamily, but was interrupted by Davie's low whistle.

James looked between us, confused, and I threw one of the fancy soaps that were near the sink at Davie. The fucker just laughed hard.

"Ooookay... Are we gonna lift him?" James interrupted Davie.

"Yeah, yeah. You grab him by his feet and I grab his arms."

Davie and James started lifting the guy with a lot of effort, and I picked up his camera from the floor. I peeked throughout the pictures and even found some of myself! What was a paparazzi doing at our party anyways? Guess he got served then. After a few more photos I found what Davie was talking about: a picture of him peeing. Luckily, the guy hadn't captured his dick, but you could see the arc of pee coming out of him into the toilet. I couldn't hold my laugh any longer so I burst into mindless giggling.

"Michelle! Stop lookin'!" and with that said, he dropped the fat man on his head, leaving James struggling with him.

"Davie c’mon, you’re killing him! And don't worry, I already deleted it, see?" I showed him the camera. "Now go and carry the dude out".

Davie grumbled, but went back to help James out. I followed both of them as they made their way to the backdoor of our kitchen, enjoying how James' muscles tensed at the weight of the unconscious paparazzi. When we were finally outside, Davie and James laid the guy down against the wall, with his camera a top his belly.

"Phew" Davie breathed "thank you so much Chelle"

I coughed.

Reluctantly, Davie shook hands with James. "...thanks man" What's wrong with him?

"Welcome dude", James answered back.

After a small awkward silence, Davie talked "What do we do now?"

"We? You are going to stay out of trouble and far away from me! Bye." I left Davie with an indignated expression and went back to the party with James. Stupid Davie and his stupid troubles.

Coming into the room, I could see there were more people on the dance floor than sitting down. Sass was still with Andy, watching how he took out his lip piercing with his tongue only. Carlos and Logan were on the dance floor with almost everybody else. The guys from My Chem were sitting with their wives, and Jared, Shannon, and Tomo were playing with the chocolate fountain, those lovely men. It seemed to me that everyone was having a blast, though I couldn't see Lila anywhere and neither Kendall. They probably were together.

I smiled at the thought of me and my two best friends being with our dream boys. Sass with Andy, Lila with Kendall and I was here standing by James' side, his hand touching the back of my arm lightly. Could it be possible that we may have gained them as friends? Even if James had arrived late and Davie had interrupted our "talking", the night was still young, and I was going to make sure it was that way. All of a sudden, I felt more confident. I was finally starting to feel like the beautiful vocalist of the band that everyone wanted to meet.

"What do you wanna do?" James asked me, shoving his hands into his pockets.

"Let's go and say hi to My Chemical Romance and AFI first, and then I'll tell you" I answered him with a wink. Yeah, I can feel the fire in me rising!

So we walked over to their sits, talking about our favorite music on the way. I realized James and I didn't share the same music tastes, but at least he really liked my band, and I was happy with that. We said hi to AFI and Davey Havok kissed my hand! After saying goodbye we went over My Chemical Romance. They were sitting with 30 Seconds to Mars (they knew each other from the scene) talking about something. I introduced myself only to be told that they too already knew who I was! It was all going swell until Shannon opened his mouth.

"Is that your boyfriend?" he questioned with a naughty smile, already knowing what the answer was.

"No, no! James is my- he is- James sings in a band called Big Time Rush!" my face was red like a tomato as I tried to explain. I glanced at James to see he was also shifting awkwardly in his feet.

"Yeah, I'm just a friend, right?" James looked at me with a reassuring expression. It calmed my shame a little.

"That's too bad you guys" Lyn-Z (Gerard Way's wife) said, "you would look really cute together"

"Yeah James, this girl here is golden" added Jared as he patted my arm and winked. I felt like I was back with my parents for some reason. Someone shoot me.

"Uh-yeah, I know that" and he smirked at me "but I've just met her this night Mr. Leto" James responded with a shy smile. Was he blushing? (also “Mr. Leto”- what a gentleman!)

"Oh, I'm sorry then, go and have fun" Jared grinned at James. I looked at him with a troubled expression. He eyed me and pulled me up to him.

"You'll thank me. He's pretty obvious, anyway" he whispered in my ear, with James still looking.

What did he meant with obvious? He was being obvious! Whispering in my ear in front of James! I wasn't mad at Jared (how could I ever be?), but I don't see how his comments could've helped.

With that said I excused myself and left before my idols could tell James that I wanted to date him. So much for feeling confident.

"Well...That was-"

"I know, I know... Forgive them. Rockstars aren't known for their great tact" I joked.

"Yeah I noticed" he sucked in a breath and huffed a laugh. Thank goodness he is laughing about it.

"So, um, you wanna go dance?" I heard James ask me.

At first I couldn't believe I was hearing him say that, but then I remembered who I was. Of course he would ask me. I have to keep reminding myself that maybe I am worthy of him.

We made our way to the dance floor, and started dancing to the melody of Neeyo's "Give Me Everything". I found Lila was dancing with Kendall, but they were more concentrated in joking about something than the actual dancing. Sass was trying to convince Andy to dance, playfully pulling him near the stage; they looked so cute together. Best of all, Davie was nowhere to be seen. I just hope he is not in trouble or something (and if he is I'm not going to help him).

We danced several songs, James and I gaining more confidence as each passed. By the fifth song he grabbed my hips and I placed my arms over his shoulders. I was melting, feeling the muscles of his neck; he was too sexy, and up this close, he smelled so good. We stayed like that for almost two hours, trying to keep a conversation surrounded by the loud music, giggling and smiling at each other. When we made eye contact his eyes sparkled with the lights, it was so magical I wanted this moment to last forever. Finally, I felt I couldn't stand dancing with my shoes anymore, so I informed James about it, and we sat down on the bar to grab a drink and chat.

We talked about everything: our careers, our bands (I finally got to tell him how great I though Big Time Rush was), our lives before we became famous (when I told him I had started to study Architecture in college he told me that would've been his career choice too; what a coincidence!), our hometowns, our family, pets, friends, and even school! Time passed fast by his side because it was spent so well. That's why when Logan and Carlos walked over to our table and told him it was 3:30 in the morning and that everyone was leaving, we were surprised. The place was almost empty save for a few bands (with drunken band members) and Big Time Rush.

"Let's go man, I just remembered gotta be somewhere at 9" sighed Carlos. He sounded tired.

"Okay then, go get Kendall, I'll meet you guys at the car" James waved him to where Kendall was, looking at something in his phone with Lila. James got up his seat and I did too. He grabbed my hands with his fingers delicately and squeezed them a little. "This was... fun" his smile grew as he said each word. "It was. I'm very happy I could meet you James, you're cool" and I swung our hands between us.

"I can say the same thing about you" and then he let go off my hands to take his phone out of his back pocket "We should keep in touch, you know, since you're going on tour for a long time... Is that okay with you?" he said this looking nervous.

Okay?! It was more than okay! "Yeah, I would like that too. Here, I'll give you my number" my fingers trembled as I saved my number, even after I had spent all of the evening with him.

"Sweet" James said as I gave him his phone back, "I'll call you- wait, are you going to be out of the US?"

"Oh yes, yes we are, but only a bit"

"Cool"

"Yeah" I smiled.

"Yeah... I suppose I have to leave now" and he leaned down to my level to peck my cheek, taking a second longer than normal. "Good luck and see you... some other day" and with a heart melting smile, he walked away, leaving my cheek burning where his lips had touched it.

Gosh, he is so perfect, and I had spent the night with that perfection! Not only that, but he asked for my number, and we had danced, and talked, and laughed, and-

"Hey, pretty!" Shannon Leto interrupted my thoughts, throwing and arm around my shoulder. I found myself surrounded by the three members of 30 Seconds to Mars.

"Your boyfriend left?" asked Tomo mockingly as Jared chuckled in my ear.

"Aw, you guys are unbelievable. I can't believe you're grown adults and still act like dorks" I pouted at the trio.

"We’re sorry" Tomo said with a more serious tone. "We couldn't help it when we saw you; ahh, young love... so beautiful" he put his hand together on his cheek like a princess. It was pretty funny.

"Yeah, you kids don't seem to realize how both of you want each other"

"Both?" I asked Shannon, but Jared answered.

"Common, he looked like he wanted to eat you and you... I'm surprised you didn't drool on his shoes or something" he laughed lightly.

"Shut up" I told them all. "Are you guys leaving?"

"Yes, we came to say goodbye" answered Shannon, and they all hugged me one by one before leaving.

This night had been great, and I'm still not tired of repeating it in my head; I'll probably keep on repeating it for a long time. I met my favorite band and many others that I love, including Big Time Rush, and I had clicked very well with James Maslow, whom had been my celebrity crush since my Senior Year. Thinking about that, it seemed too far away, when it had just been 2 years ago. If this is just the beginning, I can't imagine what the future has prepared for me and my band.

First album tour, here I come!

[joshlerisvvreal-blog]

I’m sorry for bringing this back into your life

A note from Gerard Way about My Chemical Romance's breakup:

A Vigil, On Birds and Glass. I woke up this morning still dreaming, or not fully aware of myself just yet. The sun poked through the windows, touching my face, and then a deep sadness overcame me, immediately, bringing me to life and realization- My Chemical Romance had ended. I walked downstairs to do the only thing I could think of to regain composure- I made coffee. As the drip began, in that kind of silence that only happens in the morning, and being the only one awake, I stepped outside my home, leaving the door open behind me. I looked around and began to breathe. Things looked to be about the same- a beautiful day. As I turned to step back into the house I heard sound from within, a chirp and a rustle. And I noticed a small brown bird had flown into the library. Naturally, I panicked. I knew I had to see the bird to safety and I knew I had to retain the order of things in our home, and he very well couldn’t take up residency with us. I chased him (still assuming he was a he) into my office, where I have these very large windows. Just then, and luckily, I heard Lindsey’s footsteps coming down the stairs, and naturally being composed as she is, she grabbed a blanket and stepped into the office. He was impossible to catch, and I began to open the windows, via Lindsey’s direction, only to find out they were screened. The bird began to fly into the glass, over and over and in all different directions. Smack. Smack. Smack! I heard another set of footsteps, Bandit’s, running down the stairs in anticipation of the new day. Her entrance into the situation caused just the right amount of chaos (she was very excited to meet the bird) and we found ourselves chasing the bird into the living room. Knowing that this where it could potentially get sticky, being the high ceilings and the beams to perch on, I opened the front door as Lindsey did her best to encourage our new friend out the door. After some coaxing, flying, chirping, a wrong turn back into the library and a short goodbye to Bandit, he simply hopped out the front door- taking off on the fifth leap. We cheered. I was no longer sad. I didn’t realize it, but I stopped being sad the minute that bird had come into my life, because there was something that needed doing, a small vessel to aid and an order to keep. I closed the door. I decided to write the letter I always knew I would.

It is often my nature to be abstract, hidden in plain sight, or nowhere at all. I have always felt that the art I have made (alone or with friends) contains all of my intent when executed properly, and thus, no explanation required. It is simply not in my nature to excuse, explain, or justify any action I have taken as a result of thinking it through with a clear head, and in my truth. I had always felt this situation involving the end of this band would be different, in the eventuality it happened. I would be cryptic in its existence, and open upon its death.

The clearest actions come from truth, not obligation. And the truth of the matter is that I love every one of you. So, if this finds you well, and sheds some light on anything, or my personal account and feelings on the matter, then it is out of this love, mutual and shared, not duty. Love. This was always my intent.

My Chemical Romance: 2001-2013

We were spectacular. Every show I knew this, every show I felt it with or without external confirmation. There were some clunkers, sometimes our secondhand gear broke, sometimes I had no voice- we were still great. It is this belief that made us who we were, but also many other things, all of them vital- And all of the things that made us great were the very things that were going to end us-

Fiction. Friction. Creation. Destruction. Opposition. Aggression. Ambition. Heart. Hate. Courage. Spite. Beauty. Desperation. LOVE. Fear. Glamour. Weakness. Hope.

Fatalism.

That last one is very important. My Chemical Romance had, built within its core, a fail-safe. A doomsday device, should certain events occur or cease occurring, would detonate. I shared knowledge of this “flaw” within weeks of its inception. Personally, I embraced it because, again, it made us perfect. A perfect machine, beautiful, yet self aware of it’s system. Under directive to terminate before it becomes compromised. To protect the idea- at all costs. This probably sounds like something ripped from the pages of a four-color comic book, and that’s the point. No compromise. No surrender. No fucking shit.

To me that’s rock and roll. And I believe in rock and roll.

I wasn’t shy about who I said this to, not the press, or a fan, or a relative. It’s in the lyrics, it’s in the banter. I often watched the journalists snicker at mention of it, assuming I was being sensational or melodramatic (in their defense I was most likely dressed as an apocalyptic marching-band leader with a tear-away hospital gown and a face covered in expressionist paint, so fair enough). I’m still not sure if the mechanism worked correctly, because it wasn’t a bang but a much slower process. But still the same result, and still for the same reason-

When it’s time, we stop.

It is important to understand that for us, the opinion on whether or not it is in fact time does not transmit from the audience. Again, this is to protect the idea for the benefit of the audience. Many a band have waited for external confirmation that it is time to hang it up, via ticket sales, chart positioning, boos and bottles of urine- input that holds no sway for us, and often too late when it comes anyway.

You should know it in your being, if you listen to the truth inside you. And voice inside became louder than the music.

<At this point, I take a break to receive a visit from old friends, all of which were instrumental in some way to the beginnings of the band. We talk about the old days, and we talk about music, we talk about new things. We laugh and drink diet soda. We say goodbyes, I go to bed, to resume my letter in the morning, which is->

Now- There are many reasons My Chemical Romance ended. The triggerman is unimportant, as was always the messengers- but the message, again as always, is the important thing. But to reiterate, this is my account, my reasons and my feelings. And I can assure you there was no divorce, argument, failure, accident, villain, or knife in the back that caused this, again this was no one’s fault, and it had been quietly in the works, whether we knew it or not, long before any sensationalism, scandal, or rumor.

There wasn’t even a blaze of glory in a hail of bullets…

I am backstage in Asbury Park, New Jersey. It is Saturday, May 19th, 2012 and I am pacing behind a massive black curtain that leads to the stage. I feel the breeze from the ocean find its way around me and I look down at my arms, which are covered in fresh gauze due to a losing battle with a heat rash, which had been a mysterious problem in recent months. I am normally not nervous before a show but I am certainly filled with angry butterflies most of the time. This is different- a strange anxiety jetting through me that I can only imagine is the sixth sense one feels before their last moments alive. My pupils have zeroed-out and I have ceased blinking. My body temperature is icy. We get the cue to hit the stage.

The show is… good. Not great, not bad, just good. The first thing I notice take me by surprise is not the enormous amount of people in front of us but off to my left- the shore and the vastness of the ocean. Much more blue than I remembered as a boy. The sky is just as vibrant. I perform, semi-automatically, and something is wrong. I am acting. I never act on stage, even when it appears that I am, even when I’m hamming it up or delivering a soliloquy. Suddenly, I have become highly self-aware, almost as if waking from a dream. I began to move faster, more frantic, reckless- trying to shake it off- but all it began to create was silence. The amps, the cheers, all began to fade.

All that what left was the voice inside, and I could hear it clearly. It didn’t have to yell- it whispered, and said to me briefly, plainly, and kindly- what it had to say.

What it said is between me and the voice.

I ignored it, and the following months were full of suffering for me- I hollowed out, stopped listening to music, never picked up a pencil, started slipping into old habits. All of the vibrancy I used to see became de-saturated. Lost. I used to see art or magic in everything, especially the mundane- the ability was buried under wreckage.

Slowly, once I had done enough damage to myself, I began to climb out of the hole. Clean. When I made it out, the only thing left inside was the voice, and for the second time in my life, I no longer ignored it- because it was my own.

There are many roles for all of us to play in this ending. We can be well-wishers, ill-wishers, sympathizers, vilifiers, comedians, rain clouds, victims-

That last one, again, is important. I have never thought myself a victim, nor my comrades, nor the fans- especially not the fans. For us to adopt that role right now would legitimize everything the tabloids have tried to name us. More importantly, it completely misses the point of the band. And then what have we learned?

With honor, integrity, closure, and on no one’s terms but our own- the door closes.

And another opens-

This morning I awoke early. I quickly brushed my teeth, threw on some baggy jeans, and hopped in my car. I gently sped down the 405 through the morning fog to a random parking lot in Palo Verde, where I was to meet a nice gentleman named Norm. He was older, and a self-proclaimed “hippie” but he also had the energy of Sixteen year old in a garage-rock band. The purpose of the meeting was the delivery of an amplifier into my possession. I had recently purchased the amp from him and we both agreed that shipping would jostle the tubes- so he was kind enough to meet me in the middle. A Fender Princeton Amp from 1965, non reverb. A beautiful little device.

He showed me the finer points, the speaker, the non-grounded plug, the original label and the chalk mark of the man or woman who built it-

“This amp talks.” he said. I smiled. We got coffee, talked about gold-foil pickups and life. We sat in the car and played each other music we had made. We parted ways, promising to stay in touch, I drove home.

When I wanted to start My Chemical Romance, I began by sitting in my parent’s basement, picking up an instrument I had long abandoned for the brush- a guitar. It was a 90’s Fender Mexican Stratocaster, Lake Placid Blue, but in my youth I had decided it was too clean and pretty so I beat it up, exposing some of the red paint underneath the blue- the color it was meant to be. Adding a piece of duct tape on the pick guard, it felt acceptable. I plugged this into a baby Crate Amp with built in distortion and began the first chords of Skylines and Turnstiles.

I still have that guitar, and it’s sitting next to The Princeton. He has a voice, and I would like to hear what it has to say.

In closing, I want to thank every single fan. I have learned from you, maybe more than you think you’ve learned from me. My only regret is that I am awful with names and bad with goodbyes. But I never forget a face, or a feeling- and that is what I have left from all of you. I feel Love.

I feel love for you, for our crew, our team, and for every single human being I have shared the band and stage with-

Ray. Mikey. Frank. Matt. Bob. James. Todd. Cortez. Tucker. Pete. Michael. Jarrod.

Since I am bad with goodbyes. I refuse to let this be one. But I will leave you with one last thing-

My Chemical Romance is done. But it can never die. It is alive in me, in the guys, and it is alive inside all of you. I always knew that, and I think you did too.

Because it is not a band- it is an idea.

Love, Gerard