#the self hatred trinity

[divinelovers]

castles crumbling 🤝 nothing new 🤝 mirrorball 🤝 you’re on your own, kid

being my downfall

[tamamita]

I personally believe that the hypocrisy of the trinity is itself the point, as a means of authoritarian societal control by the catholic church. Pointing out the hypocrisy gets interpreted as heresy because one has dared question the faith, so anyone who dares question self selects into the hated out-group and is persecuted for it, encouraging others to not question and simply accept and obey.

Considering that the Church persecuted any Christian group that deviated slightly from the mainstream Trinitarian belief, I'm inclined to believe it, since there was a monopoly on which theological view would represent the Christian religion, see the Council of Nicaea. The fact that the Church had a massive hatred for Arianism and the idea of "Judaizers" substantiates the idea. So it was certainly true that the Church was a means to control the masses and anyone who dared to oppose the status quo would be killed.

Like hell, they had a monopoly on which scriptures that'd be accepted into the New Testament, whereas any other Christian group's scripture were rejected and even destroyed. This is why I think the Christian religion is extremely flawed in how it crystallized its theology.

The Church was never a benevolent institution.

[idliketobeatree]

I am begging ALL OF YOU, Good Omens fans, to listen to this song by Jesca Hoop (a lovely American singer-songwriter and guitarist), from the album "Memories are Now", released in 2017.

The Coming, huh? What a funny coincidence, right? Almost like the Second Coming?

And then it starts like this:

The song is dark and poignant, but more importantly - it is written almost like someone was plotting for a possible season 3. It's actually uncanny, how much it fits.

A quick artist background check: The narrator mirrors Hoop's struggles with religion. Raised traditional Mormon, she grew up singing hymns, and at 16 years old she lost her faith and stopped attending church. She describes the experience as freeing: she has "faith in people".

Overall, it's all too easy to imagine the narrator as Aziraphale, but we'll get back to that in a moment.

Let's focus on Jesus first. Analogically, in the song, he loses faith in himself, and refuses both Heaven and Earth to fulfill the prophecy. Jesus makes an interesting choice of alliance; he sits by the Devil. In a fit of desperation? fatigue?-- asks the advocate of Hell to help him become someone new. There's something beautiful about them being familiar, sitting arm in arm, almost friendly in the exchange. Jesus "was tempted for forty days by the Devil" (Luke 4:2), and he firmly refused then, but he goes back now: to his only salvation left.

The Devil doesn't get much characterisation, but we know he agreed to the terms. "The coming never came."

Now, back to the narrator. They're quite honest and self-aware of their role as an obeying servant to Jesus or/and God (as in Holy Trinity). In a world full of sinners it's necessary to keep people at bay, because not everyone can be saved. There's "only enough room at his table (...)/And they're coming to shut the gate/You're too little and too late". A strong implication of humans being a nuisance, a collateral damage in God's plan.

"But I don't buy it."

You see, the narrator has a strong motivation that they mention almost immediately after realising that -- good people are not getting in through the gate.

The best friend. We can assume she's someone very dear, and probably not that involved in religion. She doesn't deserve damnation, obviously. (Hello, Crowley.) Nobody does. Heaven doesn't really care about that.

The point is: they don't want to offer to save her anymore. Playing God's hand in this relationship would be an insult, condescending and belittling to her character. It's easy to be a soldier with nameless people, isn't it? Personal connections make all the difference.

There's also a little passage about not blaming your parents for "clinging to the good", which hits another personal note on the forgiving front.

The narrator is terrified of losing their sense of identity. It's a painful and slow process. Who are they, without the religion? How to fill the God-shaped hole in the heart, where it has grown large and uncomfortable, been there for ages?

The answer is: with other people.

The collective work of humanity on the matter of free will has an major impact on Earth. Our little choices contribute to the goodness as a whole, and it's not dictated nor defined by Heaven. No, it's all our doing. And we can make it a good place without religion.

Oh, and look at this. "Asking any kind of question could unravel me with one small fray"?

Pretty self-explanatory.

The song ends on an accusatory tone - at the religious figures who are mistakenly interpreting Jesus's teachings, justifying their fear-turned-hatred and "wrongdoings in his name". The narrator is scared personally, but outright - they're furious. Unable to ignore the horrifying unfairness of it all. The wars were never the intention of Jesus. He wouldn't sign another contract for massive destruction.

As a confirmation, there's a loop, a repeating of the first verses. The coming didn't came. Jesus is no longer a passive marionette on the strings of Heaven. He gives away the thorn crown - a symbol of his suffering for humanity's sins - and refuses to collaborate. He becomes an individual, maybe a different entity altogether. Needs some help from Hell, sure, but it works out in the end. No more wars. No more Heaven deciding who is worth it, and who isn't. It's just-- people, and their everyday lives.

If that isn't THE song synopsis for season 3, I don't know what is.

[foreverpraying]

Élisabeth Sonrel: Virgen con el Niño entre Santa Genoveva y Santa Juana de Arco

"But what in fact is meant by repentance? It is normally regarded as sorrow for sin, a feeling of guilt, a sense of grief and horror at the wounds we have inflicted on others and on ourselves. Yet such a view is dangerously in­complete. Grief and horror are indeed frequently present in the experience of repentance, but they are not the whole of it, nor even the most important part. We come closer to the heart of the matter if we reflect on the literal sense of the Greek term for repentance, metanoia. This means “change of mind”: not just regret for the past, but a fundamental transformation of our outlook, a new way of looking at ourselves, at others and at God— in the words of The Shepherd of Hermas, “a great understanding.” A great understanding— but not necessarily an emotional crisis. Repentance is not a paroxysm of remorse and self-pity, but conversion, the recentering of our life upon the Holy Trinity.

As a “new mind,” conversion, recentering, repentance is positive, not negative. In the words of St John Climacus, “Repentance is the daughter of hope and the denial of despair.” It is not despondency but eager expectation; it is not to feel that one has reached an impasse, but to take the way out. It is not self-hatred but the affirmation of my true self as made in God’s image. To repent is to look, not downward at my own shortcomings, but upward at God’s love; not backward with self-reproach, but forward with trustfulness. It is to see, not what I have failed to be, but what by the grace of Christ I can yet become."

Bp. Kallistos Ware: The Inner Kingdom

[kai-keda]

I’m officially muting that purgatory shitpost

It went from being a funny talking point of “Wow. People really don’t know how to have fun.” to actually being upsetting how serious and argumentative and HATEFUL these people are

No wonder people on the internet hate Christians so much

Y’all are full of so much hate and anger. Where is your sense of fun? Where is your joy? Where is your feelings of kinship with all of God’s creation and not just the ones who agree with you/talk to you with the softest gloves imaginable?

Someone reblogged it and added in the tags “Lighthearted as well” “any Catholics other than OP, feel free to chip in” and I just… can’t STAND that attitude

What, because I made the joke I’m written off as someone who isn’t worthy of having a voice?

If you’re curious about purgatory but don’t want me to answer to that degree, then fucking make your own post.

Again, I repeat, the notes on that post are full of so much HATE and unnecessary ANGER and an absolute INSANE amount of entitlement from people DEMANDING a serious theological discussion

ON A SHITPOST

A shitpost that was ABOUT CULTURE SHOCK

I spent my early days of college learning to get over my hatred of Protestants after the bullying I suffered in Middle and High School, but this website really making it hard to not go back to saying “I hate Protestants. They’re all self-important, Bible-thumping, unreasonable assholes who think they need to ‘save’ people for something as benign as having a minor theological difference.”

“You only need the blood of Christ to save your soul!” Bold words from people who changed scripture to argue that the sacrament of the Eucharist is untrue.

Anyone who wants to be chill and vibe and crack jokes with me about my faith, feel free to send asks. The Trinity and I are cool on a level that means I can crack so many fucking jokes and I know HOW TO HAVE FUN

Unlike the people ON THAT POST who think me saying “You’ll EXPLODE” was literal and they have to explain “When we die, we won’t have bodies, so we can’t explode 😊 “

You’re not smart.

You lack reading comprehension and a basic understanding of CONTEXT

I’m ending this with a quote that’s attributed to Frederick the Great of Prussia: “All religions are valid because every man must get to Heaven his own way.”

[kingofdinosaurs]

i said some things about kazuma kval on twitter and i know i’m going to want to find them again so they come here also.

so like. the thing is/ i need to be absolutely clear that he is WAY worse than he gets made out to be on the internet. kazuma kval is a spineless, self-centred coward who cared more about some false idea of a 'true self' and his own wretched paranoia than the people around him. he is actually such an interesting foil to hazama, because he's given a choice in whether or not to become terumi's vessel, and he walks towards it without really questioning his choices. because he is purposeless, and drifting, and if what can give him structure is becoming a monster? well, bring on the merge with the embodiment of hatred and evil! (that’s hyperbolic terumi is more than that to me. but not to kazuma, really.)

like, over the course of the novel, he goes from not even realizing trinity considers them friends, to actively hurting her without remorse. he threw her down a flight of stairs because she was ‘in his way’ (she was worried about him! because she cared! and he didn’t even care to realize). he is NOT the 'token good' snake. he's just a different twist on it. if you don't get that that's the interesting part, i don't think you get him.

at the same time though, his existence and experience throughout the novel also make nine look... much worse as a person than she is on the strength of the games alone. like. idk i have trouble looking at her any more without remembering how she insulted him constantly, attempted to socially ostracize him, and literally physically beat him at one point. because she just. didn't like the look of him. and decided that was enough of a crime. it feels like a missed opportunity to not have terumi bring it up at some point later, or indeed kazuma posing as terumi. could have sown some real discord between the heroes with that one. alas this never happened. 

but anyways. he interests me so much because fundamentally he is very real. he's a directionless, very easily read as autistic youth with a potential to go to a dark place and no support system to keep him out of it. it's deeply depressing. sometimes blazblue makes real people and they’re the really harrowing ones (relius is also one of these).

[chrn14]

self-hatred, guilt, pressure

holy trinity of ~motivation~

[alysiusart]

Your arts are amazing! I'm looking forward your new arts of geass and titans.

What do you think about relationship of Suzaku and Lelouch before Zero Requiem? Аfter all the events. And do you have some headcanons about the unholy trinity in emperor period of time? ;) Maybe cute, funny or glass moments?

Oh, thank you so much! This means a lot, considering I’m a big fan of your art as well! I love your artstyle and am occasionally checking how if there’s something new.

About the boys, there’s just so much to unpack. Might be an obvious analysis, but I think a lot of the conflict comes from the way Suzaku projects his own self hatred from killing his father on Lelouch due to his methods. He cannot deal with what he done so he rejects everything Zero, and thus Lelouch, is. Other factors like Euphemia and the “live” geass pile up and complicate the problem. He can’t let go of his attachment to the Lelouch he used to know tho, which almost makes me believe he alienated past lelouch from present lelouch.

Lelouch, on the other hand, is always trying to close this gap between them and bring Suzaku back to him, even after he swears for the millionth time that Suzaku is no longer his friend. There is a lot of people that Lelouch cares about, and he was eventually ready to lose a lot of them, but never Suzaku (as C.C points out quite a few times).

SO…after the events in the world of C, Suzaku, in some level, comes to terms with living in this reality (since they all choose the future together), instead of some made up ideal one. In that moment of acceptance of the events that led him there, he also accepts Lelouch and once again comes to recognize him fully (instead of separating sides of him). Lelouch can also get a better grasp on the flaw of his ways for trying to force his wishes on others and recognizes his selfishness, agreeing with Suzaku.

In summary, I believe that this moment allows them to reconnect, and although they still have a bag full of issues to work on, they are once again able to be sincere with each other and show their true selves (even if not always communicating it verbally). I am ship biased, but I like to think that they started this new phase very rigid and unsure, but eventually development some sort of romantic relationship. Suzaku would have somewhat of a tough time figuring out what role C.C plays in Lelouch’s life and how he feels about it, but would come to understand it and adapt himself into this dynamic. Lelouch is the hugest simp and is rather happy with how things settled ( with added angst knowing it has an expiration date).

Lord, that was a lot. Since I already made a whole essay I will try to be brief about my headcanons abt THOSE MONTHS.

I have thousands of them, so I will just mention a few.

1- Whenever he can, Lelouch cooks. He would have it served to cc and suzaku in his private chambers (If his room in the Black Knights ship was big enough to have a whole library, I’m sure that the imperial chambers are equipped with at least one nice table). Not only fancy dinners, but simple things like breakfast and tea.

2- Unlike C.C, Suzaku has his own room (he often needs his own space), but that doesn’t mean he sleeps there every night 👀

3- Suzaku and C.C bonded over annoying Lelouch and picking up on his dramatic mannerisms. They don’t initially have any beyond-platonic interaction, but once they decide to kiss in front of the others, thinking that it would annoy Lelouch, but to everyone’s surprise he just goes 😳😳😳

4- The three of them spend a lot of time in the gardens (as previously shown in official art), laying on the grass or just sitting nearby a lake. Those are the most blissful moments for Lelouch, but they always bring him a sting of pain because they remind him what he is giving up.

5- About the empress dress, C.C wears it sometimes, unlike shown in the anime, but she’s picky about comfort, so she mostly settle’s back to the white undergarments/straight jacket, much to Lelouch’s displeasure.

I will have to stop here since this is already unbelievably long, but I’m always open to talk about this and I would love to hear your own takes on these topics!!! Feel free to always hit me up on my dm’s, if you want.

[lindajenni]

mar 25

the antichrist is now "little children, it is the last hour; and as you have heard that the antichrist is coming, even now many antichrists have come, by which we know that it is the last hour." 1 john 2:18 do i surprise and shock you by what i say?  most of the pre-tribulation believers are certain we will already be raptured before the antichrist is revealed; me among them.  but i tell you his spirit is even now manifesting in the world. we always knew he hated the jewish people and has tried over and over to destroy them.  first to try and prevent their coming messiah, then just trying to destroy God's chosen ones to prevent their inheritance of the kingdom.  and now, as israel seeks to defend itself against an avowed, embedded enemy, the world has turned against them in unity; the lost world that is.  jerusalem has now become that heavy stone and cup that makes the world stumble in their drunkenness and hatred spoken of in zecharia 12. and how much more can the antichrist spirit be manifested than in the hatred and persecution now focused on the body of Christ, focused on mocking and destroying all the works of goodness and decency in the world.  so who is the antichrist?  it's not who you think.  it is the culmination of all the evil thoughts and deeds sinful man embodies in their rebellion of Christ and His ways.  all this culminated into one being; the son of satan. jut as there a Holy Trinity, then there is also an evil trinity.  satan is the first person and the father of the unholy trinity.  the antichrist will be the second member and the son of the unholy trinity.  the false prophet, the third member of the unholy trinity, will direct the worship and praise of the people back to the antichrist.  unto his son, the antichrist, satan gives his authority and power to represent and act for him just as God the Son received "all power in heaven and earth" from His Father, and uses it for His glory. so who is this antichrist incarnate?  how will we recognize him?  (believers won't be here for his ascendancy.)  the bible is clear that one man, the antichrist, will rise up to unite the world under one government during the tribulation.  this global dictator will pose as an angel of light, just like his father the devil, but will later act out of his true, evil nature. the antichrist will aggressively live up to his terrible name.  he will persecute, torture, and kill the people of God as he leads the armies of the world ultimately into the battle of armageddon.  he will be the most powerful dictator the world has ever seen, making caesar, hitler, mao, and saddam seem tame by comparison. the antichrist is the perfectly evil human being, the complete opposite to the perfectly good human being Jesus Christ is.  knowing these things, "what manner of persons ought you to be in holy conduct and godliness" 2 pet 3:11 there is coming a day - a day when the world will be divided among those who love and serve God and those who serve another God, be  it self or satan.  where will you be standing when the clarion call goes forth?  "then you shall again discern between the righteous and the wicked, between one who serves God and one who does not serve Him." mal 3:18

[compellsme]

90s cult classic T4T terrorists spectrum

Trinity x neo = recognition through the other (affectionate)

Narrator x Marla = recognition through the other (derogatory)

Or like, fuck nasty as an act of symbolic worship and self-acceptance vs fuck nasty as an act of existential & personal hatred and self-destruction

Don’t interact with this I’m just putting my ideas down somewhere lol

[holly-natnicole]

In my K.H. rewrite timeline, all the children have at least 1 mentor.

Vanitas' are Xehanort (who is emotionally & physically abusive) and Cloud (who starts out aloof & not even meaning to be zir mentor, but ends up giving zem advice often by accident then later on purpose teaches various skills to Vanitas).

Ven's are Xehanort (who is emotionally & physically abusive), Eraqus (who is genuinely nice despite his strict nature, but their last interaction is him trying to murder Ventus for the greater good without even trying to think of an alternative solution), and Leon (who initially reminds Ven of Eraqus, which makes their platonic friendship toxic since the lack of communication between Ven & Leon causes both to severely misinterpret what's going on; but they learn to talk properly to each other thus causing them to become close and Ven to slowly regain his trust in adults). (Terra and Aqua are more not-biological-nor-legally-adoptive older siblings to Ven than being his mentors.)

Roxas' are Axel/Lea (their not-biological-nor-legally-adoptive-siblinghood starts out casual then becomes toxic, but they work through their issues with some help; especially since Lea/Axel was the one causing all the toxicity and had learned the hard way that many of his decisions in regards to Roxas & Xion have been mean at best & cruel at worst) and Merlin (who helps Roxas study and provides a safe space to work through his various emotions).

Shion/Xion's are Axel/Lea (coz Lea/Axel is in Castle Oblivion when Shion first starts gaining personhood through Sora's lost memories, it takes a few weeks after his mission for him to warm up to her; then their not-biological-nor-legally-adoptive siblinghood gets toxic before it eventually improves), Saïx/Isa (starts out toxic, stays that way for many months whilst his firm belief that she's solely a puppet with no thoughts nor feelings bit by bit gets disproven, and slowly improves when an incident forces him to accept that she's actually a person then he bit by bit starts to platonically love her as a daughter or little sister when continuing to teach her things), and Barret (who helps Shion find her individuality and provides a safe space for her to talk through how she feels 'bout everything that happened in her short life so far plus he very much holds Lea/Axel and Saïx/Isa accountable for their treatment of the children).

Sora's are Donald & Goofy (who initially see her solely as a means to an end, but quickly grow to sincerely care 'bout Sora then – aside from 1 incident where they abandon Sora in favour of Riku who got 1 of the Keyblades from the enbe thus Goofy & Donald obeyed Mickey's order to stick by the Keyblade-wielder, but less than half an hour later they chose Sora over their mission – stick by her no matter what Mickey or anyone else says; they learn through Aerith shouting at them that their student's/not-biological-nor-legally-adopted child's mental health has taken a fast nosedive & that their meant-to-be-harmless teasing is why, so they apologise to Sora & make amends to the kid who they've been helping keep up with school ever since the Trinity Trio formed in Traverse Town), and Aerith (who platonically bonds with Sora coz he has an affinity for healing magic same as Aerith does then later she's who he confides in 'bout everything he has gone through on her adventures and Aerith helps Sora become less insecure in the enbe's abilities & skills).

Naminé's are Ienzo/Zexion (who starts out manipulative, but redeems themself after she changes from a Nobody into a Somebody since regaining his Heart awakens his conscience), Demyx/Myde (who aids Naminé in learning to simply relax & to take care of themself instead of being filled by self-hatred), and Tifa (who helps them become a badass fighter and is a confidant who they tells every insecurity & issue to then eventually Naminé tells her 'bout the emotional abuse from Marluxia/Lauriam and the emotional & physical & magical abuse from Relena/Elrena/Larxene, plus Tifa realises thanks to Naminé how hurtful secrets from people who the secrets are 'bout can be thus she grows as a person).

Kairi's are Minnie (who teaches Kairi music magic and helps her learn how to use her pure Light instead of throwing herself – and Selphie, who literally jumped through the Corridor of Light when Kairi semi-accidentally created it & fell into it – into unfamiliar places with no clue what she's doing plus Minnie assigns Pluto to guard the girls and gives them a Star Shard to travel with since it's not safe for non-Guardians of Heart to use Corridors of Light or Corridors of Darkness) and Aqua (who she specifically requests to be her mentor, as Kairi is the only one who explicitly feels the need to find someone to teach her new skills; Aqua quickly becomes a not-biological-nor-legally-adoptive big sister to Kairi who she helps regain self-confidence and improve as a fighter).

Selphie's is Daisy (who gladly teaches her how to use hand-to-hand combat whilst Kairi is busy with Minnie's lessons on music magic & intentionally using Light and she's the one who Selphie talks through with all the wild stuff that's been going on, their conversations helping the girl make sense of everything).

Riku's are Maleficent (who manipulates him), Xehanort's Heartless/Ansem the Seeker of Darkness (who manipulates him then in Castle Oblivion literally controls Riku's body for a short time twice thus taking away his autonomy before Riku finally kills the human-looking Heartless), Terra (whose Heart is freed from the Guardian Heartless form it was stuck in when Riku defeats Ansem, as the boy used his ability to communicate with Heartless therefore finding out Guardian was Ansem's victim just as much as he was plus Kairi purifying Riku from the lingering taint of Ansem lets Terra to regain his Heart & properly communicate with Riku instead of staying as Guardian Heartless; they both learn from each other to be better people just as much as Riku learns new fighting skills from Terra), and Mickey (whose support is pivotal in Riku not being stuck as Ansem's victim forever).

Shiro/the Riku Replica's is Cid (who is a very grumpy man, but still good at teaching him various computer & aeroplane skills) and his wife Shera (who takes over handling the lessons whenever he has to go do something very important same as how he helps Shiro learn whilst she's busy plus both help the enbe find hir individuality).

Ephemer's is Ava (who in some ways is more a not-biological-nor-legally-adoptive older sister than a mentor, but does teach the enbe a lot 'bout various magic).

Skuld, Strelitzia, Olette, Pence, Hayner, James, Amber, Sofia, Lani, Kari, Ruby, Jade, Yufi, Yuna, Paine, Rikku, Tidus, and Wakka each have a mentor too. But this post is getting kinda long already, so maybe someday I'll write a Part 2 & a Part 3 covering theirs. Plus some of the adults had their own mentors, so I might do a Part 4 for them.

[upismediacenter]

LITERARY: For You

My Darling Trinity,

It’s no secret that I get tongue-tied around you. For someone whose strength is prose and poetry, it’s ironic. While I’ve been getting better at telling you things, I must admit it’s still a constant struggle to keep from retreating into my shell. The fear that you’ll tire of me is as frustrating as it is undying, and it usually keeps me from confiding in you. Please understand. I trust you wholeheartedly; I just don’t trust myself. I’m afraid I will do or say something that will ruin what we’ve become. I’m also scared that I would be a burden if I were to tell you the truth. Nevertheless, here I am, expressing my feelings.

I love you. You have no idea how long it took me to write three simple words. Even now that I know that one of you love me back, I’m still terrified. I’m afraid that history will repeat itself, and I’ll be in an eternal loop of heartbreak and loneliness. But at the same time, you three are the safest place I’ve ever known. These past few months have been amazing. The encouragement, the support, and most of all, the love you have given me are a blessing — and a curse. I feel like I’m between the gates of heaven and the pits of hell, but the pain that haunts me isn’t your fault. It’s mine. I’m a fundamentally broken individual. Life has whittled me to nearly nothing, and I’ve almost nothing to offer you. I’m convinced I don’t deserve you three in my life, despite my gratefulness for your presence. Like an undeserving sinner that’s received redemption, I often wonder why you saw fit to grace me with your love.

If or when you read this, I know the first thing you’ll say to me once we’ve had the chance to talk. You’ll tell me that I’m worth more, that the phantoms of the past aren’t my doing, and that I don’t deserve the thoughts I have. In all honesty, I know you’re right. As I write, part of me is irritated because I understand the truth. Yet I don’t believe it. When I look back on my past, my trauma stares back. I look at the threads of my life that lead me to where I am today. Childhood happiness got replaced by uncertain adolescence. Feelings my parents told me were wrong were suddenly ever-present. I became an unholy abomination in the eyes of my family. Two years of hating myself collided with the experience of my tainted first love. Love did not keep its oaths and barely apologized for its transgressions. Add the body image issues handed to me by my loving grandmother, and you have me. I am a coward who’s afraid to feel my own emotions.

But that’s not what you see, is it? For whatever reason, I’ve become something more to you. That fact scares me. I want to love you freely, with no fear, but when I try, my fingers become numb, my chest tightens, and I feel the weight of my memories crashing down. One of you took the brunt of that, and I’m so sorry I couldn’t be better. I could not communicate my needs and emotions in any way, and our relationship suffered for it. But despite all of that, despite our history, you love me anyway. I don’t understand why. You deserve the best, and I’m far from perfect, but I’m the one that one of you want.

I’m trying to say that I want to be better and do better. You’ve given me the warmth and safety of home. All you asked for is my honesty. Well, here it is. I love you, and I’m scared to lose you. I don’t understand why, but you think I deserve good things. You want me to believe that I deserve good things. I promise I’ll work on myself until I believe it. I’ll be nicer to myself and break this cycle of repression and self-hatred. I’ll do it for you, and I’ll do it for me.

All my love, Dawn

[arcsoffaith22reflection]

JASMIN MAE BARCELON

Judaism

Judaism is the world's oldest monotheistic religion, dating back nearly 4,000 years. Followers of Judaism believe in one God who revealed himself through ancient prophets. Understanding the Jewish faith, which has a rich heritage of law, culture, and tradition, requires knowledge of its history. The Torah, or Old Testament, is the foundation of Judaism, with the Ten Commandments at its heart. Jew’s goal is to live in mutual respect among human beings, who were created by the goodness of his Almighty and thus deserve to be loved and respected.

Christianity 

Christianity's lesson helped me understand Christianity better as it is found in the Bible and church history. I learned from the class how different and similar the main global religions are to Christianity. I learned about the significance of God, Jesus, the Holy Spirit, and the Trinity based on the teachings of the Bible. Christians believe that God's Spirit empowers them to live in a kind and peace-loving way. Most Christians throughout history have believed that Jesus is both fully God and fully human. The term "Trinity" is used by Christians to refer to the idea that there is one God who manifests as the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit.

Islam

 Islam is the second largest religion in the world with a following of 1.8 billion followers. Islam began with the Prophet Muhammad. Islam means "surrender" and its central idea is surrendering to the will of God. Its central article of faith is that "There is no god but God and Muhammad is his messenger". Followers of Islam are called Muslims. Muslims are monotheistic and worship one, all-knowing God, who in Arabic is known as Allah. Followers of Islam aim to live a life of complete submission to Allah.

Hinduism

In Hinduism, some of the things I found most fascinating is that the idea of God in Hinduism is compounded and how they worship. There is one Supreme God and his form is unlimited. The countless deities that descend from the Supreme God represent his attributes and forms. The deities God can form can be either male or female, allowing Hindus to pray to a god or goddess. The person can pick the god or goddess they want to pray to. Different factors determine who they pray to, such as whether they are experiencing difficult obstacles in life or if there is a special holiday occurring. Hinduism is about learning the nature of the universe through the nature of the self, and vice versa.

Buddhism 

Buddhism is a form of religion that the Buddha and his adherents spread. It holds that man can achieve perfect enlightenment by destroying greed, hatred, and delusion, which are the root causes of all suffering. Buddhism originated in northern India in the 5th century B.C.E. The tradition traces its origin to Siddhartha Gautama, who is typically referred to as the Buddha. Buddhism is a "Do It Yourself" religion in which we must choose our own path rather than follow it because of our beliefs. The Buddha teaches the Dhamma for us to grow ourselves and provides us the Dhamma as a torchlight to discover our way and as the route to enlightenment, but we must follow this path ourselves.

Daoism 

Daoism, also known as Taoism, is an ancient Chinese philosophy based on the writings of Lao-Tzu that advocates simple living and harmony with nature. Dao is the process of reality itself, the way things come together while still transforming. Although it is challenging to define, "the way" is probably the best way to refer to the Dao. For some, it is a religion, while for others, it is a philosophy. Personally, I am interested in its philosophical aspect, which pre-dates the religious system by four hundred years. Daoism transcends morality. It doesn't encourage doing good—and it doesn't encourage doing bad—just being; the harmony this fosters will result in good for everyone. In this sense, it is strongly related to the natural world.

Confucianism 

Confucianism is a significant belief system in China that grew out of Confucius' and his students' teachings. It emphasizes morality, practical knowledge, and healthy interpersonal relationships. One of the fundamental Confucian values that ensure the integrity of ritual performance is xiao (filial piety). Indeed, Confucius saw filial piety as the first step toward moral excellence, which he believed lay in the attainment of the cardinal virtue, ren (humanity). The primary purpose of Confucian education is character-building.

Shintoism 

I have a love for Japanese Culture so I have found Shintoism to be a very positive religion that celebrates life more so than any other religion I have experienced thus far. Compared to some of the other religions I have studied in this course, Shintoism seems to be simpler for me. Shinto has a strong relationship with the natural world. The roots of Shinto, which originated in Japan, are affinity with natural beauty, harmony with the spirits, and purification rituals. In Shinto, there is no singular god or creator emphasized. Although Shinto teaches that everything is related to the divine one, who gave birth to two spirits (kami) (kami). These two kami are known as Amatsu Kami. The natural environment that we know as planet Earth is said to have been created by them. The simplicity in Shintoism is the concept of kami.

Indigenous Religions in the Philippines

Indigenous religions is a category used in the study of religion to demarcate the religious belief systems of communities described as being "indigenous". The term "indigenous religions" is usually applied to the localised belief systems of small-scale societies. Most indigenous religions believe in some sort of great spirit, a god, whether male or female, who created the world and is responsible for the way the world works. Some believe in multiple gods. Most of us filipino's has its own belief on how are we going to honor our creator.We are practicing our faith by our own belief depending on how we brought up by our ancestors. We filipino's are great believer on what our culture have thought us. It's a matter on how are you going to practice it or you will choose your own religion as time past by.

The whole ride gave me waves of emotion. The lessons are complex and understandable. In full honesty, I’m not fond of learning religions and I’ll say that some of the lessoned religions are unknown to me before. So it is a fun and interesting journey to take on. My curiosity about the lesson is new to me. I want to know more about religions. Something that is beyond my understanding. Carrying each piece of knowledge given to me can help me understand, and if possible help reunite each religion and its believers. Opening the minds of some people for them to fully understand the diversity of every religion.

[susiequaz12]

Carrot Top 30- “I’m Fine”

Woohoo, chapter 30! I can’t believe I’ve gotten this far into his story, but here we are. This prompt is combined with day 16 of Whumptober. Prompts: recovery, scars, aftermath. Masterlist.

CW: burn mentions, description of scars and past injuries, blood, vomiting self depricating thoughts, self hatred.

- - -

It had been a little over a week since he’d been home.

He rolled himself off of the bed, pulling himself to sitting, and took a second to breathe. He was just coming off of a fever, and was drenched in sweat and grime- but he honestly preferred that over his own blood.

The wheelchair they found for him was positioned carefully by the side of his bed, so he could pull himself up and into it. 

He wished he didn’t have the strength or will to move.

It made everything worse- knowing what he was confined to whenever he wanted to move around. But his legs were still weak and shaky- and the burns on the bottoms of his feet were crippling.

Any step- or any sort of pressure was too much, but he knew he couldn’t lie in bed all day. 

Once he was in the wheelchair he pulled himself out of his room, and down the hall to the bathroom where the tub was running.

He had asked to do this by himself. He needed to feel- to feel like he wasn’t useless. Like he was capable of something, something other than lying in his bed and sleeping- wishing he could escape his own mind.

He wheeled himself into the small bathroom, and turned off the tub. Steam was swaying around the mirror, and he glanced at his reflection for a second.

His face was pale- for more pale than he was used to seeing, even though a few of his freckles had returned. His hair was- it was still a mess.

It wasn’t vibrant anymore. It had lost so much of it’s previous color, just barely around a pale blond. And he was skinny- he could see it in his face. His cheekbones poked through his skin, and he quickly turned away, unable to see himself any longer.

He pulled himself out of the wheelchair, carefully, until he was sitting on top of the toilet, and pulled his baggy tshirt off of his body. He held the material in his hands- it used to fit him perfectly. Now, it was almost a size too big. He was always skinny, but this- it was concerning.

He glanced around for his hairbrush, seeing it across the counter, on the opposite side of the sink.

With a groan, he pulled himself up, gripping onto the sides of the counter, his feet barely brushing against the ground- and then he saw it.

He glanced up- but already that was too much.

He saw the thin lines across his torso- some of them still red and fading. The thick scar that ran down the middle of his chest- the jagged lines that stretched about- the yellow and green bruises that littered his stomach. He saw his ribs poking through- and the small lines from the knife that trailed parallel to each bone.

There were more scars up and down his arms- and yellow and green shading around his neck. Everything he saw- every scar, every line, every marking, was just a reminder, a branding as to whose he was. As to what they had done to him.

He only saw his reflection for a couple of brief seconds before his arms gave out, but it was enough to send him right back.

He collapsed to the ground, sending the wheelchair backwards with a thud against the wall and he yelped out in surprise. 

A sharp groan came out of his mouth as he crumpled in a heap on the floor. He glanced at his hands underneath him- and blood started to pour out of his fingertips. It seeped out of the cracks in his palms, spilling over onto the tiled floor. It kept going, soaking the floor around him until his sweatpants were caked in blood- until it rose up his arms, staining his hair, dripping into his eyes.

With a shaky cry he pressed himself into the floor as he stifled a scream, shutting his eyes tight.

Only after a few minutes of trying to calm his breathing down did he open his eyes back up again.

He was- he was fine. There was no blood, he was okay- and then-

He quickly crawled his way over to the toilet before he threw up. His stomach and chest heaved, lungs begging for air.

Andrew’s eyes kept going back to his reflection. To the skeletal figure- the bruised ribs, the pale skin littered in scars. If he looked this bad now, this inhuman- this skeletal, how bad did he look when they first found him? He imagined it briefly- throwing up burning stomach bile into the toilet once more.

He collapsed back down by the edge of the tub, his whole body shaking, when he heard a knock on the door.

“Andrew- are you okay? We heard a thud.” 

It was Mickie. Her voice rang through with concern, and worry- but it was almost, almost patronizing for him.

“Yeah- I’m fine-” He called back.

As soon as the words left his mouth he knew it wasn’t believable. His voice was breaking, his throat still sore and achy, littered with a rasp that led him to cough almost every time he spoke.

He pulled his hand to his mouth, holding back a sob.

“Are you sure? Do you- do you want me to help?” She called.

No. He most certainly did not want her to help.

“No, I’m- I’m okay.” He lied. He knew she could hear the pain in his voice, but he was too tired to hide it.

“Andrew you don’t sound okay- I’m, I’m coming in.” She said.

“No! I-” He cried out.

But she had already opened the door, and her eyes fell to her brother, crumpled on the floor. He could barely look at her face. It was riddled with pity- pity and, and disappointment.

“Mickie-” he whispered. “-please, I’m okay-”

She sighed, coming towards him. “Andrew-”

He pulled himself up on the edge of the tub, trying to show what little strength he had.

“Get out.” He stated a little louder- she didn’t listen.

“Please!” He yelled, a cough wracking up his lungs. “Get out- just leave me alone!” 

She stepped back- looking into his face, but he turned away as she backed out of the bathroom, closing the door behind her.

His stomach sank- he knew she was only trying to help.

And as he collapsed back to the floor, what little strength he had leaving him, he wished that she had stayed anyways.

But he couldn’t ask for it now. He couldn’t ask her for her to come back in here- it’d just be proving what they all knew to be true. It would be proving what he had been telling himself.

That he was useless, worthless, and helpless- an inconvenience. That he was weak. Too weak- that he needed a wheelchair to get around his own house, because he couldn’t even stand on his own two feet. 

So instead of calling her back for help, instead of pulling himself into the tub, or back on the wheelchair and into his room, he laid there and cried- letting all his strength leave his body.

- - -

@imagination1reality0 @just-a-whumping-racoon-with-wifi @thehopelessopus @burtlederp @whump-me-all-night-long @yesthisiswhump

[apesoformythoughts]

«But what in fact is meant by repentance? It is normally regarded as sorrow for sin, a feeling of guilt, a sense of grief and horror at the wounds we have inflicted on others and on ourselves. Yet such a view is dangerously in­complete. Grief and horror are indeed frequently present in the experi­ence of repentance, but they are not the whole of it, nor even the most important part. We come closer to the heart of the matter if we reflect on the literal sense of the Greek term for repentance, metanoia. This means “change of mind”: not just regret for the past, but a fundamental transfor­mation of our outlook, a new way of looking at ourselves, at others and at God— in the words of The Shepherd of Hermas, “a great understanding.” A great understanding— but not necessarily an emotional crisis. Repen­tance is not a paroxysm of remorse and self-pity, but conversion, the recentering of our life upon the Holy Trinity.

As a “new mind,” conversion, recentering, repentance is positive, not negative. In the words of St John Climacus, “Repentance is the daughter of hope and the denial of despair.” It is not despondency but eager ex­pectation; it is not to feel that one has reached an impasse, but to take the way out. It is not self-hatred but the affirmation of my true self as made in God’s image. To repent is to look, not downward at my own shortcom­ings, but upward at God’s love; not backward with self-reproach, but forward with trustfulness. It is to see, not what I have failed to be, but what by the grace of Christ I can yet become.»

— Bp. Kallistos Ware: The Inner Kingdom

[duskroots]

This is the start of how it all ends They used to shout my name, now they whisper it

Hello yes since @vampiricsheep​ asked about it, here are some screenshots of ZhaitanChamp!AU Bria, which is just a very self-indulgent lil AU that has lived in my head rent free for a good long while now. I think @sylvari-bouquet is the only person I ever actually shared it with until now because of... reasons, haha.

Basically in this AU the personal story stuff is still pretty much the same until something goes terribly wrong on a mission in the heart of Orr during the campaign against Zhaitan, where Bria gets fatally wounded and seperated from the rest of the Pact squad that was with her. 

Zhaitan, in that moment well aware that the Pact Commander who’s done so much damage to his army is succumbing to her wounds, deep in his domain all by herself, sees his chance to turn this war around and seizes it. 

He throws all he can spare at the pact forces, inpenetrable hordes of minions on the ground halting any attempts of getting anywhere close to where Bria is, and flying minions that tear at the choppers and airships, preventing them from taking off or entering any airspace past the shoreline of the island.

Meanwhile Bria is left to fend for herself, but her wounds are bad and since she’s unable to treat them efficiently all she can do is try to stem the bleeding and hold out against her inevitable end.

It’s not a quick death - she’s in agonizing pain and slowly but surely bleeding out, too weak to try and make her way back to Fort Trinity by herself, so she hides away and clings to the hope that the Pact will come back for her. 

That Trahearne will come back for her.

She doesn’t know that at the same time, far away on the outskirts of Orr, the Pact Marshal and his people are fighting tooth and nail to get to her before it’s too late. 

So she waits. 

And waits. 

And waits. 

Clinging to life, out of sheer desperation and spite, but as the realization slowly sets in that nobody is coming for her, something else sets in as well -  bitterness, hatred, and regret. 

Angry thoughts creep into her head: That she never wanted any of this, she never wanted to be the commander or even a wyld hunt valiant, never wanted to fight and fight and fight. That she shouldn’t be here. There was a world out there that she wanted to see and explore, places she had yet to see, things she had yet to experience - but now, she would never get to see any of it because she was going to die in this horrible place, abandoned and betrayed by the people - the one person - she had loved and trusted most. 

Much like Sieran before her, she was still so young, yet she was going to die. 

But, she thought, she wasn’t as brave as Sieran had been. 

She didn’t want to die.

Anything but that.

And this was when Zhaitan’s plan sprang into action, and his mouth came to her with an offer - an offer of eternal life after death, of free will, and of the power to get revenge on the people who discarded her so easily like a broken tool that was no longer needed. All of that, if she agreed to become his Champion after she breathed her last mortal breath.

And Bria - young, afraid, angry and at the lowest point she’s ever been in her short life - agreed.

(”But Sylvari can’t get corrupted by Zhaitan!” In my AU they can, as long as they willingly agree to it. Consent, baby!)

In this AU Rhys (who’s always been meant as a “backup” for Bria by the Dream, much like Bria had been a “backup” for Caithe) wakes up at this point and takes Bria’s place as the Pact Commander - he’s also not having a great time in this AU though, constantly feeling like there is someone missing that should be with him *cough*BigSisBria*cough* among other things.

It’s Rhys who helps Trahearne cleanse the source of Orr (although Bria, aka the Champion of Rot as people had started calling her, didn’t make that easy for them. I think this is also the first time Rhys and her truly meet in this AU? And Rhys, ever the sweet, gentle boy he is, tries to actually talk her into coming back to their side before Bria forces him into a fight - determined to show her “replacement” what she thinks of him by kicking his ass, although the fight ends in a draw.)

The Pact also manages to kill Zhaitan in this AU, though as he dies his Champion actually manages to absorb a good chunk of the dragon magic herself, making her more powerful and also giving her control over what remains of the risen.

From that point on I think she just does what she can to fuck with the Pact, especially Trahearne and Rhys, so once HoT rolls around and their attention shifts towards Maguuma she also abandons Orr and follows them there. 

While she doesn’t actively get involved because she simply enjoys seeing them struggle against Mordremoth as is, she gloats over everyone else’s misery and kinda stalks Rhys through the jungle to personally taunt him and just make things extra difficult for him.

ALSO! While Rhys takes Bria’s place in caring for Aurene’s egg and raising her alongside Caithe later on, he doesn’t become her Champion. It becomes another Vlast situation where Aurene’s Champion just “never showed up”, and it doesn’t become clear until much much later when Bria and Aurene actually come face to face (Lws4 or even Icebrood, I don’t know rlly yet) that it should have been Bria all along.

I don’t really know where this AU will go 100%, but I think Rhys will eventually get Bria to cooperate, either against Kralk or Jormag/Primordus, a kind of “i’ll only help you as long as it benefits me, and the world not ending definitely benefits me enough to warrant a temporary truce” situation but ever so slowly Bria rediscovers her humanity (..sylvarity?) in the company of Dragon’s Watch and their allies, and I think once Rhys understands that she became what she became because she thought she had been abandoned and betrayed he’ll show her how it really happened in the scrying pool maybe?? Causing her to repent and start on a long path to redemption?? Which is def an idea that I like a lot.

Anyways!!! This is my long ramble about this AU that I am very fond of, and I guess a huge reason why I never felt the confidence to share it was the fact that i just... kind of went ham with it. It’s edgy and over the top and aah idk. It’s very self-indulgent for sure so don’t take it too seriously is what I’m trying to say :’D

Also as a bonus, here’s a screenshot without the headpiece:

And here’s a link to AU!Bria’s playlist cuz why not.