#the self is constantly shifting | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

death-rebirth-senshi · 1 year

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Sometimes reading my own posts is like "what the fuck was I thinking when I wrote this" and other times it's like "hmm...does he know what he was cooking..."

Sometimes I'll feel this way about a post I made yesterday.

#nonsense.#the self is constantly shifting

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astrangergivingthestrangewelcome · 4 months

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I do not think evangelizing on the double standard of women being expected to wear makeup everyday to grown women is actually productive or respectful (provided they are not judging me for not wearing makeup), we can all make our own decisions on how to walk through this world, however, it is true that whenever a woman in my daily life equates making themselves decent and presentable with having a coat of natural makeup on, I do have to viscerally repress the urge to shake them by the shoulders and scream that they've been had.

#to be clear this is not me being against makeup or even against wearing it everyday!#i know it's an important part of self-expression for lots of people and also an accomplishment to have excellent makeup #this is specifically about my roommate who will constantly say things like #'and I completely forgot that I had to pick up a shift at the bar and I had to SCRAMBLE to get my makeup done'#or my mom who doesn't feel like going to work is even an option without a light coat of mascara #it just makes me internally go feral #i can get behind loving makeup as an addition #though I never will bother #but there's so much evidence around me of women who see makeup as a necessity and it just makes my skin itch like #like the world does not deserve that from us. truly.#if men don't have to we don't have to and it genuinely just eats me up inside when I hear makeup equated to personal hygiene.#like no it's Not Fair that you don't feel right leaving the house without makeup!#I'm sorry that you feel that way #i wouldn't say that to someone's face in real life bc that's condescending #but I do think that in a just world no woman would feel lazy for leaving without makeup

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pumpkinrootbeer · 4 months

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All of Revenge of the Sith, summarized:

Obi-Wan: I love and trust you, Anakin.

Anakin: No <3

Mace: Obi-Wan trusts you, Anakin.

Anakin: Opinion discared because Ive classified you as against me. Please forward my previous email to Yoda and get back to me about that council seat at your earliest possible convenience.

Yoda: mmm be a master, you will never be mmmm. melt steal beams, jet fuel cannot. mmmm. ignore that second thing I said, obi-wan cares very deeply abt you and are you still available tuesday at 6 for your next therapy session?

Anakin: Read✓ at 19:01

Padme: Obi-Wan loves and trusts you, Anakin. Just like I do.

Anakin: Not very gamer of you to not inherently validate my internal belief system :/

Palpatine: Obi-Wan hates ur loser ass lol. not like me tho I'm cool and always validate your internal beliefs (normal)

Anakin: I always knew he hated me, you're the only one willing to tell me the truth. thank God I never have to reevaluate my beliefs with you and don't have take any uncomfortable looks at my wants and desires. phew almost had to do some personal growth and acknowledge some things about myself thank God i avoided that

#:v #star wars #revenge of the sith #anakin skywalker #obi wan kenobi #I make this stupid stupid post only because I always see people say communicate is their issue #WHEN ITS NOT!!!#Anakin as a lot of self worth issues and Obi-Wan spent a decade and change trying to break through to him #literally everyone around Anakin is telling him ''obi wan cares about you''#but Anakin has a set belief about Obi-Wan that often shifts slightly depending on persecuted he believes he is #obi-wan often becomes a stand in for Anakin's frustration at the Jedi as a whole #and Anakin often doesn't acknowledge obi-wan as an individual with confliction or his own wants and desires #like. Theyre all painfully human.#and anakin expects rightfully that the people around him will give him grace when he's human and less than perfect #but then does not extend that grace to obi-wan when he's less than perfect #a lot of mistakes were made when it comes to Anakin's training and a lot lead to his ultimate fall from grace #but communication wasn't one of them #because Obi-Wan constantly and consistently tries to communicate with him #but anakin was never going to hear what he didn't want to hear

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trystofnight · 10 months

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MADE ME?? MORE LIKE LETS GO CAFE YURI!!!!!

bonus:

#enstars #ensemble stars #tatsumi kazehaya #mayoi ayase #femstars #GIRL. when i tell you i was hit by a vision from god. i was hit by a vision from god.#mayos socks constantly fall down bc god hates mentally ill femmes <- speaking from experience #NOW TYPICALLY i see femstars tatsumi as just looking like her canon self. but for the waitress moment she needs clipped up long hair #tryst of art #tatsumayo #yeah ill tag it they defo kissed after their shift

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nevermoredragon-main · 10 months

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This is like a bare-bones just vibing concept, but Suzalulu and it's Slay the Princess.

Obviously Suzaku is the Hero character and Lelouch is the Princess.

youtube

#code geass #suzaku kururugi #lelouch lamperouge #lelouch vi britannia #suzalulu #suzaku having to deal with the mask lelouch uses and how lelouch is zero and is constantly hiding his real self and how #if suzaku doesn’t kill him then lelouch is going to destroy the world (and create it anew)#and of course how deep down inside the only constant is that suzaku is a hero #he asks that you remember him. you won't. goodbye #Youtube #slay the princess #the long quiet #the shifting mound

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divinekangaroo · 5 months

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rewatching S6 in bits and pieces for current fic and ahhhhhhhhhh but the whole Jack, Diana, Mosley and Lizzie final dinner is so *viscerally* fucking satisfying on every sensory and intellectual and emotional level of consumption.

#every single movement facial expression breath flick of an eye the choice of 'mosley' not 'mr mosley'#the way mosley says 'lizzie' for the first time #jack's buildup and his mad fucking innuendo just before diana and oswald show #particularly how every drink is taken and by whom and when #lizzie constantly holding herself back the entire time from Saying Something all these flinches and half-breaths #insane #INSANE #as much as the end of S3 is roaringly wrenchingly furiously emotionally good #this dinner is something else #this whole episode is pretty much something else though fffffffffffff #jack's patronising constant reference to tommy as if he's a much younger man/boy when you look at these two guys and jack looks younger??#by design i am sure #in the scene with the tie before the dinner.the way tommy's face says one thing while facing away from lizzie #then he puts on that mask as he turns to face her and you can SEE HIM DO THAT jesus #it would a writing exercise and a half to actually try to capture that scene in writing and work out what needs to be said/described #to carry the same effect because @coffeeatnight23 -> this scene is totally Tommy ripping his own heart out then eating it with relish :)#it *is* the saddest thing but also a fucking *reclamation* of something that tommy hasn't had since his suicide attempt. there's lots of #small reclamations of self that happen in post-Ruby S6 i seem to recall. despite flicks old trauma/foggy memory wandering also this-#-sort of structural shift/acceptance he is who he is and that is how he has agency (not solely money?)#anyway it's not triumph but there is *something* that i haven't found the word for yet #acceptance is one word but there's something more vicarious and dark in it that acceptance doesn't connote

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famewolf · 1 month

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for so long all I wanted to do was die but now that I'm older, all I worry about is dying too soon. too soon to experience all the things I didn't give myself time for when I was young. I don't want to spend these years overthinking what time I have left

#[static]#wild how the brain shifts #i want to live i want to experience everything i can and i never thought i'd make it this long #my brain has done a 180 and it's always on the back of my mind (and sometimes the front) that i could die in the blink of an eye #im not scared of death but i am scared of not having lived #my ptsd/ocd combo has been pummeling me lately and i feel like im sometimes at a breakthrough where ive figured out a way-#-to stop being scared ... to just allow myself to live without the what ifs.#i do it in practice but the reality is that no matter how nonchallant and down to earth I appear in real life-#-my brain is picking apart the resolve i've carefully put together for myself #it's like constantly picking at a wound that's begun to heal and i cant get myself to stop #it's Exhausting having to continuously catch ones self from falling further back down the hole your younger self dug #im finally living as the person i always wanted to be and nothing can take that from me even if it were to all come crashing down tomorrow #but im still not used to the stability so that's why my brain does what it does best #what's three or four years of stability to decades of being in fight or flight ... it will take time and it's hard work #but i know with time it will be worth it and i wont remember the dread in the back of my skull every time i experience happiness #i'll just remember the days as they were ... and they are wonderful #just needed to vent for a moment! mental health is such a surly thing

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welcometogrouchland · 6 months

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Also in the replies of the Steph concept art on twitter announcing she was gonna be in a new project at DC (posted by Travis Mercer), there were at least 3 comments saying "will Tim be there?" I don't care how hard you ship timsteph I'm exploding you with my eyeballs if you do that on my girls post again

#ramblings of a lunatic #taking a step back to acknowledge that my stanning may be getting overzealous #but then again I'm not in ppls quotes or replies I'm vagueing on an entirely different website with no relevant tags. it could be worse #anyway I know tims had it rough these past couple of months ever since zdarsky shifted focus of the batman title to have less tim #but it still feels. idk. just a wee bit uninspired to act like steph can't go two steps without tim being behind her #im ngl i like timsteph when they're cute but timsteph twitter has been. pissing me off a tad lately #the refusal to acknowledge the sexism in dixons robin run and how it impacts stephs writing and their relationships writing #the refusal to acknowledge tims occasional condescension and hypocrisy when it comes to stephs vigilantism #seemingly only wanting her to be spoiler when he wants her around and telling her to give it up most of the time #also the constant disrespect of stephs batgirl era on there weirdly enough?#I've harped on about this on main and in drafts but despite it's flaws it's a good turn for stephs character #she's the focus she gets development (an upward trajectory! which had previously been unheard of for her! bc she did have flaws as spoiler-#-its just that both writers and characters alike seemed to arbitrarily decide she didn't have the capacity to grow past them! but she did!)#hell i saw a BIZARRE take today i just have to bitch about #which was them saying that Batgirl was a ''heteronormative mask'' steph put on #with spoiler being her more authentic self (and this being paralleled to gender expression with stephs isolation from the batfam as spoiler-#-showing how she ''wasnt like them'')#which. I'm not denying you the view that spoiler has a certain genderific swag to her but the needless dragging of her batgirl persona #steph got treated badly as spoiler bc she was A Girl. it's genuinely that simple dixon felt batman and robin would never stand for a girl-#-running around doing the things they did and would need to chivalrously stop her. he's gone on record saying this #she's constantly getting belittled by mostly men (cass also dismisses her but it feels distinctly less gendered)#and in the end it's barbara who learns to give steph a second chance despite her mistakes and they have a positive relationship #something ppl are quick to dismiss as being in and of itself sexist bc they're pairing the two girls off together #as if batgirl isn't a legacy and as if babs and steph don't have parallels in their resilience and refusal to accept when ppl tell them no #for better and for worse!!#like. idk how you took the strongest feminist element in that comic (bc there are elements of sexism here and there! 2009 n all)#and somehow turn it into ''heteronormativity'' YOU PPL ARE JUST SAYING WORDS AT THIS POINT!!!#anyway. someone take away my internet access

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kabbalicgay · 2 years

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"Be the person your younger self wanted to be" I am very different to the person my younger self wanted to be & that's okay, actually.

#not to sound like a wanker but very genuinely I do not have a solid state of self or ''personhood'' & you cannot place me into any sort #of rigid box or category. I change and phase and shift constantly & I have done so since I was little #I simply am an enigma! And that's fun #captain's log

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dutybcrne · 5 months

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Both Halfdan and Rethel have times where the Curse gnaws at their minds and starts pulling them into the same headspace as they had as Husks. Sometimes it's something small like memory problems or zoning out, sometimes they find themselves partially transforming and/or growing aggressive the way they would have with most any unlucky lost soul stumbling upon them in the Chasm.

#hc; halfdan #hc; rethel #//Heightened emotions tends to hasten/worsen these effects #//There are several times where gaps in their memories leave them so stressed it ends up with them shifting back to those forms #//And it is NOT recommendable to approach them in such states #//They WILL lash out thinking they're being attacked #//Halfdan has it slightly easier than Rethel; since he's lucky to have a Vision #//Rethel was shifted back due to Abyss Order's intervention #//So it's easier for her to succumb to it #//There are times they get EXTREMELY claustrophobic; sent into a panic within a certain space or around many others #//Rethel in particular can hardly stand being in crowds for very long before she starts feeling the urge to transform #//As if to hide in that headspace and let whatever her Husk's instincts drive her to do happen #//Will not feel too much remorse once she gets back to herself. Just a 'it was either them or me; and I choose me' & compartmentalize it #//For Halfdan; that happens when he finds himself in the dark & feels trapped in it; transforms to avoid dealing with his severe fear #//And woe betide anybody who runs into him in that state; he will NOT be merciful #//Best to carefully let him ride out the feeling and--carefully--work to change the conditions of the place #//Lighting candles; opening windows--sneak around to do so; bc if he catches you while in That state-#//The best solution is to calm them down/remove them from those situations BEFORE they've transformed #//It's the safest means to help them and will prevent the next time from being worse in the process #//Halfdan constantly has a Crisis abt if this means he is truly more monster than man; with how easily he transforms back into his Husk self #//Rethel has fully embraced she no longer is human; is prolly a monster now; but would strive to do no harm

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arolesbianism · 4 months

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Thinking abt my dupe ocs again... Maybe Quinn does have hashtag issues actually

#rat rambles #oni posting #oc posting #theyre very well known and liked amongst all the colonies as y'know. they helped found all of them.#and theyve always been very friendly and kind and they have always taken their responsibilities incredibly seriously #and when they get time to be on a planet they relish it as they have a great deal of appreciation for the beauty of these worlds #but one thing that has always been a thing for them is that they've never rly had like. friends amongst these colonies #partially because of them having to travel constantly but even when they get time to hang out more theyve sort of unconsciously trained #themself to be a bit emotionaly detached from those around them #it also doesnt help that theyre a digger and usually one of like 2 or 3 on any given planetoid #which earlier on meant thar they rarely encountered other dupes and late on left then with little to do as most of the ongoing work was #already being managed by others specifically trained for the role #so the isolation started to get to them and they started to get rly antsy and didn't know why or how to fix it #when the printing pod went offline they were one of the ones more calm abt the matter due to them being generally more used to the unknown #and this combined with their general good reputation lead to a lot of dupes looking to them for direction and answers alongside burt #this actually made quinn feel rly good for a while since it was their excuse to actually talk to ppl regularly and in more personal ways #theyd hear out ppls anxieties and ideas and newest passions and goals and theyd actually feel like theyre hearing the words said #they liked the feeling of everyone wanting to be around them and seeking them out even on other planetoids #they'd get phone calls and people taking breaks from their work to come say hi and it made them feel real #but as time went on and their fellow dupes became more and more self reliant they began to seek them out less and less #because why bother someone so important and busy when you dont need to right?#and this lead to quinn going wait no why did you all leave me again :(#it felt like before but worse because now they actually had started considering a lot of these guys friends #and they still had no idea how to reach out themself without a work reason and as such they sorta started dissolving again #and its during this time when they start missing the pod and start to get more upset that shes gone #they end up returning to the original partially to be closer to her and partially because it feels the most like home to them #there they start to slowly learn to reach out themself as they sort of sit in a corner watching burt work while shaking like a small dog #this at first is very unwanted by burt who is stressed as hell but they end up forcing him to stick to an actual shift instead of just #working until he passes out and this allows them to hang out while they force him to have downtime with them to keep him from exploding #it becomes a nice comfort time for them both as they rly havent hung out much since the first like 100 cycles or so

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laurelwinchester · 9 months

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one of my many many many arr*w related grievances is that people in the fandom (including in the laurel lance sub fandom) are very hesitant or even outright refuse to admit that quentin lance was an extremely emotionally abusive father. i still don't understand why that is.

#the thing is it's not like you have to go deep to see the abuse #it's actually quite in your face literally from day one which is why i'm forever raising an eyebrow at all the praise he gets #he was an extremely emotionally explosive man who constantly verbally or emotionally abused and manipulated laurel #he shredded her self esteem and confidence #he kept her shackled to him out of selfishness and made her small so he could continue to control her #and eventually he was the direct cause of her violent death #like what's not clicking?#he's john winchester* and yet for whatever reason he still doesn't get the john winchester treatment and i'll never understand why #is it because he more openly loved his children? because abusers often love their victims. it doesn't change the abuse #this rant coming to you because i'm trying to shift back into htlgi mode for the new year so i can at least try to get something posted soo #and i know i've talked about how i'm going to be tackling laurel's mommy issues but with the mommy issues come the inevitable daddy issues #and something i'm currently struggling with is that i....don't think laurel will ever be able to save herself from that man #especially not htlgi laurel #she is simply not capable of removing herself from that cycle of abuse. not where she is right now. maybe not ever.#which means 🤔#what if - and i'm just spitballing here - i kill him off?#........😏#oh that does sound satisfying ngl #it's not like i've given him much else to do #he mostly pops up every now and then to trigger both dean's fight or flight daddy issues and his overprotective husband issues #hmmm #anti quentin lance #arrow discourse #(*my hot take is that i think quentin lance is worse than john winchester. disclaimer: yes i'm aware that's an unpopular opinion.#i'm also aware it's ~cringe~ to be arrow posting in 2023 almost 2024 but this is how long it takes me to write lol)

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the-punforgiven · 9 months

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Always sucks to me seeing those people who like, developed a following with one specific game/franchise/whatever who've just like, clearly fallen out of love with it but are still engaging and making content for it since they're 'the [whatever thing] guy' but you can clearly tell they're bitter and sour about it since all their content is just sad and complaining and shit and it's just like

Dude, if you're not having fun you can like, do something else

You know that, right?

#it sucks that the way online subcultures form that ends up completely deincentivising basic shit like ''finding new interests''#or ''avoiding burnout''#and you see it everywhere too #like with tumblr blogs or youtubers or streamers #but idk it's pretty telling for someone who still says they like a thing but has absolutely nothing good to say about it #putting absolutely nothing but bad vibes out there bringing down the atmosphere #most heartbreaking when it's streamers who's livelihoods rely on that thing that's burning them out #but I've seen it with shit like tumblr blogs and such too #like if it's your literal job that's one thing but like #lotta the time I see it it's just like not #and like #we live in an age where we're literally drowning in media to consume #if you're burnt out or need a break you can just like #find something else to occupy your time #nobody's paying you you can just leave #the self is constantly changing #ever-shifting like water #it's ok if your interests do too #if it sucks hit da bricks #and all that #pun's text posts

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flamagenitus · 8 days

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Term time got me doubting my sanity. Did my brain ever function at full capacity or was I deluding myself all along

#personal #self is a constantly shifting state of being and nobody is the same forever #and the only way out is through #and there is no such thing as a crisis-free life. everyone has something to fix and it's impossible to just keep going until all is well #And you find out who you are in the face of adversity #and also there is no such thing as absolute truth or absolute personhood

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dan-whoell · 11 days

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the second i start talking about identity in a fic allllll of my own insecurities come pouring out

#sorry guys you are no longer characters in this fic you are simply the vehicle by which i have a breakdown #this is true of all my writing tbh #anyway have you ever feared coming out bc identity is constantly evolving thing and to commit to a label #means potentially being wrong #publicly #have you ever truly believed and preached that not knowing is ok‚ that shifting identities is part of the journey #that maybe we put too much weight on finding the exact right words #except when it comes to you specifically none of it applies bc you SHOULD (for some reason)#be the one person with a permanent sense of self?#have you ever felt unable to breathe bc of it?#hahahhahahaha #couldn't be me!#ks talks

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aquaticfreakshow-sys · 4 months

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Call me petty or whatever but, making fun of and shit talking my toxic ex with my current partners is literally so fun....

My current boyfriend of ten years was ALSO with them so it's really fun to completely trash talk our failed poly relationship lmao

Healing is being able to laugh at how ridiculous it all was instead of being afraid of them.

#i cannot believe i dated that person LMAO #they're the biggest YIKES #im so glad we got away and got out bro omg.. it was MESSY and i was mean but it was needed!!!!#i acted in ways im not proud of but that DOESN'T MATTER. we got away from someone who was actively stalking us!!! AND PROBABLY STILL IS??#they guilt tripped people into s*x. manipulated people and admitted to lying about us to make us look bad to their friends?? AND MY PARTNER?#they forced someone to go behind others backs to talk to and be with them by FAKING S/H AND LYING ABOUT GETTING DRUNK???#THEY LIED ABOUT ADDICTION AND SELF HRM.. TO MANIPULATE SOMEONE INTO BEING WITH THEM...... BRO.#they demonized my friends RECOVERING PERSECUTOR and BLAMED EVERYTHING ON HIM despite EVERYONE knowing he was LITERALLY IN THE HOSPITAL #every single time anything went tense or bad SOMEHOW theyd find a way to ask if it was him WHILE HE WAS...... IN THE HOSPITAL??? also.#yeah he was hurtful to the group YEARS AGO. literally YEARS AGO. he was BETTER..... and THEY NEVER EVEN SPOKE TO HIM?? THEY DIDN'T KNOW HIM?#they would CONSTANTLY bring up or show or do peoples triggers ON PURPOSE or try and “LOOPHOLE” to KEEP TALKING ABOUT IT??#LIKE.. WE ASKED YOU TO STOP.... SO STOP TRYING TO “AMBIGUOUSLY TALK ABOUT IT” YOU'RE LITERALLY TRIGGERING EVERYONE BRO???#they're also a fuvking pro endo and “unlabeled plural” or whatever which is WILD..... and oh my god they act SO HIGH N MIGHTY????#they're the WORST type of “pro endo stereotype” as well.. like EXACTLY what you think of when hearing “twitter plural community”#i should have never dated a homestuck fan dude..... oh my god.#literally so many years with them im never getting back #did i mention they made suic pacts with people and would IMMEDIATELY pretend to attempt. also ED pacts with people. you know the type.#one time back on QUOTEV of all places they lied about c*tting down into their wrist bone??? LIKE??? WHAT?#im losing my mind #how did i ever let it get so far #also their weird factkin shifting game grumps incest thing with their younger sibling....... disgusting!!!!

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