#the song is so good and he fuckin’ SERVED

[jeonqkooks]

i knew god made me wake up at 5:30 for a reason. i love kim seokjin so much he deserves the whole world and i won’t let him settle for anything less

[k-hotchoisan]

Yunho smut with his hands? 🥴

Oh god I love his hands I want them around my neck so bad. My choking kink is off the fucking charts whenever Yunho’s hands are present. Here’s something for you, pretty. Enjoy Yunho and his pretty little hands.

Synopsis: what are the odds of getting a tattoo and getting fucked by your tattoo artist because you cannot stop staring at his fuckin hands

Warnings/genres: tattoo au!, mention of needles, slight size kink, choke kink, unprotected sex, hands kink, cream pies, fingering

A/n: I am so sorry for the amount of typos. I fucking swear this isn’t what usually happens omg

You stood before the apartment door, double checking that you got the right address—yeah you definitely did. He did mention that it was a home-based studio. Your first tattoo appointment and you were so nervous because you don’t know what to expect. Hongjoong had assured you to just go with an open mind. You didn’t know much about your tattoo artist, only knowing that his name was Yunho, nonetheless, you did really like his art style, and you soon settled on him with Hongjoong’s advice.

Back to present, you pushed the doorbell, and it echoes through the apartment. There is a silence before the doorknob clicks. The door pulls back, and before you, stood a really tall male. His sharp eyes make him look very intimidating and for a moment your heart races, and you wonder if you stopped into the wrong house.

“You are?” He asks, and rumbles you even more because his voice is so fucking deep for no reason.

You manage to find the voice stuck in your throat, as you reply, “y/n, here for a 7pm tattoo appointment with Yunho?”

His face softens immediately as his eyes brighten up. “Ah right! Yunho’s client! Come in. I’ll get Yunho in a bit”. He ushers you in as you remove your shoes.

You step inside, soaking in the interior of the apartment. It was definitely a shared space—the common areas were spacious, maybe just spacious enough to serve for two people. It was a pretty clean looking, monochromatic layout.

“Oh right, my name’s Mingi. Song Mingi, but you can call me Mingi”, he introduces himself brightly, his smile contagious. “I’m his room mate.” You smile back.

“Please excuse the mess by the way”, he laughs as he leads you through the corridor, and the both of you are standing in front of a wooden door. Mingi knocks the door before saying “Hyung, I’m coming in” with a raised voice. He pushes the door handle down and the door opens. The subtle hint of lavender hits you from the humidifier and it instantly relaxes you.

On the cushioned rolling stool sat your tattoo artist, his frame is as tall as Mingi’s, messy brunette locks tussled on his head. He’s in simple black shirt but he still looks so fucking good. He’s absorbed on his iPad, still sketching out the little details of what seems to be your tattoo.

You feel your heart beat a little too quickly the moment your eyes land on him because you did not expect him to be that attractive.

And you are gonna be stuck with him for at least a couple of hours together.

Mingi raps the door again, and that’s when Yunho looks up, and you take a good look at his face. He doesn’t look like whatever you expected him to look like, well, not that you had any pictures to reference him from to begin with. But definitely, he is pretty fucking good looking. You stay rooted at the entrance of the door, mooning over your tattoo artist in a tight black shirt while he eyes you up and down with a soft smile.

“Oh right! My apologies”, Yunho finally speaks and he sounds like honey, and it suddenly makes you slightly thirsty. “Hey. I’m Yunho. We finally meet”, he greets with a hand up.

His fucking hands. Oh my fucking gods. He has a silver ring cuffing his index finger. Then he beckons you to go over to him. Mingi tilts his head to Yunho’s direction before saying that he needs to leave, giving you a small nod before shutting the door.

You have no choice but to inch closer to Yunho, who’s smiling at you like a fucking golden retriever, and you wonder to yourself ‘this dude is a fucking tattoo artist?’ Yunho beckons you to take seat on an empty stool across him as he mentions to give him a couple more minutes to finish up the design draft. You nod, even if he doesn’t see it since his attention is back on his iPad. You quietly stare at the way he makes his strokes with his Apple Pencil.

And you get a closer look at this long, slender fingers. You’ve never met anyone with such pretty hands before, yet the way he holds the pencil is so gentle, and almost attractive for some reason. It’s especially the way his fingers are veiny and long—his joints are angled in such a way it frames his fingers so fucking prettily. Yunho looks up and catches your gaze, and you flinch slightly, thinking you are caught in the act.

“Eager to see your design?” He asks playfully, a small smile tugging the corner of his lips. Oh thank fucking god.

“Yeah of course. I wonder what you came up with”, you quickly say, pretending to peek over at the iPad.

He brings up the iPad higher to his eye level and it’s the way his fingers curls around the tablet. He flips it over to you and you soak in the design he drew out for you. It’s what you wanted. You also don’t miss out how clean and neatly trimmed his fingernails are.

“Is it to your taste? Got any last minute changes you want before I print it out?” He asks, as he stands up and walks over to the printer. You shake your head slowly, trying not to swoon at how deliciously tall he is.

He beams. “Great! Then I’ll print a couple of sizes out. Take your pick okay? I’ll go grab some water for you.” You nod as he disappears out of the room through the door. The printer starts up and it begins to print out the stencil.

You look around the room. Despite it looking small, it was pretty cozy looking. The room has comfortable lighting, with lamps, which you assume are for the tattoo work. There’s a small space just behind the empty stool you’re seated on, with smaller studio lights pointing towards the wall, which you deduce is probably where he takes photos of his finished products. His tattoo machine sat near to the tattoo bed, which was cling wrapped for sanitary purposes, including the pillows. Finally, a small desktop computer set up was against the wall, perpendicular to the small studio lights, with a printer at the side. The door knocks, a short pause before it pushes open, and it’s Yunho with a drink in hand.

He walks over to you and hands it to you, his fingers brushing against yours and it takes you so much nerves to have any wild thoughts. You take a sip to distract yourself as you hear scissors cutting through the tracing paper. As you open your eyes, Yunho is so fucking near your face that it makes your heart jump.

“Oh gosh! Did I scare you?” Yunho laughs as he takes the cup from your hand. “My apologies.”

You shake your head. “It’s fine. You just move so quietly”, you joke. Yunho smiles in reply as he places the cup on his desk.

“I need you to lift your shirt up for me”, Yunho instructs, staring at your abdomen.

Fuck, for a moment your mind plunges into some unknown territory. You forgot that your tattoo placement was above your hip. You roll the fabric up high enough, and you fucking jump when you feel Yunho’s fingertips brush against your skin, on your waist. “It’s here right? The placement that you wanted?” He confirms, his touch not leaving your skin. “Yeah”, you manage out.

He cuts a piece of tape to adhere the stencil onto your skin before bringing you over to the full length mirror right by the bed to let you confirm your placement. After a few adjustments (and hell of of him touching your waist with his bare hands which was definitely giving you insane haywire thoughts), you came to a placement which you are satisfied with. He sticks the stencil to your skin, much like a temporary tattoo, pulling out the tracing paper and letting it dry, before having you lie down in the bed as he prepared his inks.

“First tattoo?” He asks as he checks his gun.

“Yeah”, you reply, playing with your fingers from the nervousness.

Yunho chuckles. “That placement might hurt a little though. You’re a brave one.”

You only release a nervous laugh—wondering if it is for the tattoo or because of Yunho. He turns to you, tugging against his ring to remove it before snapping black latex gloves on before pushing your shirt higher. You bite you lip.

How the fuck does his hands look even better gloved? The black latex only enhances the length and shape of his hands, which curls around his tattoo gun.

“I’m gonna start now. Let me know if you need a break, yeah?” Yunho assures. You know it’s probably a customer service thing but god, why did he have to be so attentive?

He switches on the gun and it buzzes. He begins tattooing and sure enough, the placement you picked definitely hurt quite like a bitch, but you force yourself to pull through it.

“Is this okay? Does it hurt?” He asks before continuing.

“It does, but I think I’ll be fine”, you reply, thinking of something else to distract yourself from the pain. Throughout the session, Yunho makes conversations with you, making you laugh when you probably shouldn’t because he was stabbing needles at your waist but still. He was amazing at breaking the ice, especially in such a seemingly intimate space. You feel yourself unwind a little, and although it still hurt, you don’t feel so tense anymore. Nonetheless, you could not shake the thought about his hands running down your body every time you glance at Yunho doing your tattoo.

“Yeah, I don’t know why I even wanted to get a tattoo when I have a shit pain threshold”, you say in between soft giggles to cover up the pain and soreness that was starting to sink in.

“But you’re doing so well for me”, Yunho replies absentmindedly with a smile. Your head spins the moment he says that, butterflies were invading your stomach. What the fuck was that even? Now your stomach in twisting into knots when he’s praising you like that.

“We’re almost done. Hold on a little longer for me yeah?” He assures again, as you bear through the pain. It’s over quickly as he smoothes over your tattoo with a final swipe of the paper towel. He moves back a little to admire his work. He looks satisfied. He pulls his gloves off and sits you up gently, your stomach still fluttering as his fingers brush against your skin. He brings you to the full length mirror, and there you admire how gorgeous the tattoo looks.

“It looks amazing” you gasp, turning your side to have a better view of it. Yunho looks proud. He has his phone in his hand now and requests a few photos, which you obliged to of course. He adjusts your shirt before snapping a few pics.

“I really like how this turned out,” you gush. “Thank you Yunho.”

Yunho shakes his head. “Thank you for entrusting me to it, especially as your first tattoo.”

You laugh in response, and you don’t realise that he’s kneeled down at your waist, preparing to stick on the second skin. He sticks it on and instructs you on proper tattoo care before making another appointment for a touch up. You thank him and left the apartment, heart still beating in your ears.

You’ve developed a way too big of a crush on your tattoo artist now.

The touch up appointment came way too quickly than you thought. To be fair, you were still not over it, and as much as the tattoo scabbing and itch , it couldn’t compare to way Yunho’s hands kept brushing against your waist, as he checks on your tattoo. But in the past month, all you think about was Yunho and his fucking hands. Even now, when he’s only taking a look at your healed tattoo, your mind in swimming in the most dirtiest places you wanted him to touch.

You shut your eyes and bite your lip so no weird sound comes out from your mouth. You feel Yunho’s breath right at your waist as it tickles your skin, a soft sigh escapes your lips as your tattoo artist continues to rub against the tattoo.

And it doesn’t go unnoticed by Yunho.

He could very easily just tug your pants down and you would let him because fuck, he’s all you can think about now. Yunho stands up, and definitely notices how flushed your skin is looking, and he decides to test waters. He traps you at the tattoo bed, and you hear your heart in your ears as he inches closer. Now he’s pretty much towering over you as his fingers are tracing against your waist, sending goosebumps down your skin. “Your tattoo healed so nicely”, he says, hooking his index finger and thumb to your chin so you’d meet his gaze. Your gaze travels down to his pretty lips and he takes it as a sign to cup your neck and pull you in for a starved kiss, sending your mind into a fucking frenzy, and fireworks to go off in your eyelids. He tastes even better than you thought. Your eyes flutter open as he pulls back, catching your breath.

“Won’t Mingi hear?” You ask. He shakes his head. “Not anytime soon, doll.” His little pet name making you flush even harder, and it all goes down to your pussy, which is getting wet enough already, no thanks to your little fantasies and the fucking kiss.

“Now, stop thinking about him when I’m here.”

His hands touch your waist again, as he lifts you onto the tattoo bed, the plastic crinkling beneath you. You watch him breathlessly as he tugs against your bottoms, and your clothing articles drop to your ankles. Yunho doesn’t let them touch the ground, instead, he folds it hastily onto the other side of the bed, before turning his attention back to you, or your wet and sopping pussy.

Yunho licks his lips, before stroking your thighs to coax you to spread your legs open, and you do, your eyes following the way his fingers are stroking your thigh, alongside the ticklish feeling it was sending straight to your cunt.

“Such a pretty pussy, doll”, he compliments, his fingers trailing down your slicked cunt, before stopping right at your hole. He hears your little whimpers and cries, and it goes right to his hardened cock that’s pushing against his pants. But he knows being patient reaps the best rewards. He can be patient for you. Yunho’s fingers slowly plunge into your cunt, and your back arches in pleasure, because oh my fucking god, his fingers are long enough to hit a spongy area and it was sending fucking stars beneath your eyelids. Shivers tickle your spine as Yunho’s lips land soft kisses against your skin on your neck. His finger fucking was sending you into the heavens.

A kiss on your cheeks makes your eyes flutter open, and you meet Yunho’s gaze.

“I’ve noticed”, he sighs, slowing down his finger fucking in you. “That you seem really entranced by my hands since our first session.” Then he plunges his fingers in again, another cry leaving your lips as your eyes roll back.

Fuck. He found out.

“You have such pretty hands”, you admit, hiding your face with your arms, wondering what was more embarrassing—the fact that he found out about your fixation with his hands, or that he’s fucking your cunt with said fingers.

“So I should make really good use of it, right?” Yunho chuckles, adoring the way you’re squirming under his touch. He pulls your hands off your face and holds them down, and oh god, he was truly trying to drive you insane. He picks up the pace and every time his fingers press against your g-spot, your moans only grew louder and more desperate, and Yunho is progressively losing his rationale. He wants to fuck you so bad right now, and the thought of him railing you on his workspace only heightened his arousal, because he has never done that before.

Your orgasm only builds up even more quickly when he thumbs your clit after releasing your hands. Your hands are clawing his arms.

“Yunho, please. Oh god. That feels so fucking good. Gonna cum.”, you cry, lifting your legs higher, and that only encourages Yunho to pick up the pace, and the words that leave his lips-“cum on my fingers baby. You know you want to”- and a whimper escapes his lips the moment he feels your walls clench against his fingers, as moans pours out of you when your orgasm floods your senses. Yunho lets you ride your orgasm out, slowly pushing his fingers in and out again, enjoying your cunt squeezing his fingers. He pulls out slowly and you barely catch your breath, as your gaze meet his. His fingers are full of your slick and cream, and plasters it on his lips, giving them a lick before sucking this pretty fingers, covered in your arousal, fucking clean. That does nothing but throw your head into a frenzy, and your cunt clenches at nothing, as you struggle to keep your composure.

But now Yunho is the one starting to lose it, as he haphazardly wipes his fingers on his slacks before hastily pulling his pants down, his cock springing out, glimmering with precum already, very evident thanks to the studio lights. God fuck, as if his hands weren’t pretty enough, his dick is too. Yunho bites his lip, staring at how fucked out you looked, especially since he hasn’t even fucked you good yet. He pushes your knees to bend even more, before lining his cockhead to your hole before sinking his cock right into you. You couldn’t even keep your eyes open at this point. Your cunt feels slightly sore, and your walls are hugging his cock so well that Yunho is fighting not to just fuck you senseless. Yunho groans at the sensation, but he leans in for another hungry kiss with you, before his hand snakes around your neck.

He pulls back. “I’m sorry. I really need to fuck you so bad right now. Fuck.” You can’t help but find that so endearing that he’s holding back. Your fingers tug your folds open more, letting him sink his cock further deeper into your heat, which makes him squeeze your throat. It feels so fucking amazing to have Yunho choke you out like this, and you make it even more evident by clenching around his cock.

He doesn’t hesitate this time, and starts fucking you so deep and good, that you fucking swear you see a bulge below your belly button every time his cock hits your cervix. The sensation of Yunho’s cock stuffing you full every time he thrusts into you paired with his hands around your neck—softly squeezing and letting go—is only pushing your second orgasm to hit you.

“I would have never guessed that you’d get off my hands this much”, Yunho hums, looking at the way your eyes are rolled back as his balls slap your ass every time he fucks into you, your hands grabbing onto his arm, clawing again from the bliss he’s fucking you into. “Do you like them that much?”

You fight every nerve to focus on answering him, eyebrows scrunched. “Y-yeah. Fuck, I fantasise you choking me out like this since that day. I dream about letting you do whatever you want to me with your han-“ getting cut off from a sob as his cock fills you up again—or did he just grow even bigger in you? Ah, fuck, it doesn’t matter.

“Naughty girl”, Yunho mutters with a smirk, his free hand slapping against your ass, the sound rippling through the room, making you arch your back even more.

“Yunho, p-please’, you stutter, the knot in your stomach so taut. “I think I’m gonna cum again”. Now you’re sobbing. This only encourages Yunho to tighten his grip around your neck as his strokes become harder, and you snap—broken sobs leaving your throat as your cunt fucking squeezes Yunho’s cock, the sensation of his hands around your neck only amplifies your orgasm as stars burst in your eyelids, and you cream so fucking much, that it gets onto the cling wrapped bed below you. Yunho immediately loses it, his thrusts becoming straight up ruts. He releases his grip from your neck, and the oxygen returns immediately, leaving your heaving. Yunho is leaning into your ear, as his both hands are now on your waist as he fucks desperately into your overstimulated cunt.

“You’re so fucking adorable, y/n. I’m cumming too”, he grunts, as he ruts a final time before a soft moan hits your ears, then a flood of his warm cum right into your spent pussy, and oh god, did that feel amazing. Yunho stays by your side for a moment, before straightening his back, and pulling out, not missing a beat at the way his cum just trickles down your inner thigh, out of your hole.

“Fuck, I’m so sorry. This is your work space and all”, you panic, taking a handful of tissues that Yunho had offered to clean yourself up. Evidently, that doesn’t get to him because Yunho immediately rushes over the moment he notices the red marks around your neck.

“Shit, did I choke you too hard?” He asks rather frantically, lifting your chin up, rubbing against your neck gently. You shake your head, suddenly wanting to just kiss him again, but you hold yourself back. “Also, don’t worry about this. My next appointment isn’t until 4pm. I have time to clean up. You alright though?”

Fuck, why did he have to be hot and gentle? It was genuinely driving you nuts. “Is it okay if I use the toilet?” You ask, fitting your clothes on. Yunho immediately nods, rushing to the door to leave it open for you, as you gingerly head to the washroom.

You sigh as you leave the washroom, wondering if it was about to simply be a one time thing, because you were falling for your tattoo artist, hard and fast. Your gaze meets Yunho’s the moment you shut the door behind you, and Yunho has cleaning supplies in his hands. Suddenly your face flushes again, thinking at the mess the both you made.

Yunho’s smile doesn’t falter though, and you see a tint of red colouring the tips of his ears, which you could have definitely missed if you hadn’t noticed closely. There’s a strange air of silence between the both of you, that is, until Yunho speaks.

“My 4pm client is my last one for the day. I’ll text you when I’m done, if you’re down for dinner?” He asks, rubbing the nape of his neck shyly. Oh my fucking god. You laugh softly, because, holy shit, you never expected this outcome, and then you nod. “I’ll be waiting, Yunho”, you reply.

Yunho steps forward to you and strokes your head. “I’ll see you to the door then. And then I’ll see you tonight.”

[nolita-fairytale]

make my heart surrender | carmy berzatto x fem!reader | chapter four: friday

pairing: carmen berzatto x fem!reader

warnings: lots of swearing, angst, use of she/her pronouns, friends to lovers, smutty smut-smut, this is an 18+ chapter so minors dni, no use of y/n, second person pov

word count: 6.7k

summary: buckle up people, because this is a long one! tonight is the night: the night you and marcus' dessert menu goes live, the night you meet natalie berzatto, and the night that truths are revealed.

a/n: is it hot in here or is it just me? who's ready for some smut? this will be the last chapter i post till sunday/monday, so we can all sit with this. hear me out: it's not that i think carmy is really good at sex. but there's so much tension between these two, i think reader is good at sex, and there's something to be said for being so turned on by the other person that it just hits different.

and here is that song -- the jazz standard turned acoustic cover.

read: part three | masterlist

Friday

“Just remember that we don’t have to reinvent the wheel here. You just have to deliver a really damn good dessert time after time,” you instruct, setting Marcus up, pre-dinner shift. 

“I think we should focus on the burnt basque cheesecake in lieu of the classic. You already have a heavier lift on the bake for the chocolate cake. That way, whatever happens with the mixer, or the ovens… this version of cheesecake is pretty forgiving. And you don’t have to fuck around with a water bath just yet.”

“The tiramisu is perfect because it’s a no-bake option, and you can mix it up with different kinds of flavors – call it a special.” 

“Like what we’re doing Sunday?” Marcus suggests, in reference to the strawberry, lemon, and mascarpone version you be doing at the end of the week.

“Exactly,” you reply.

“Hell yeah.”

“It all fits into the menu so nicely too: elevated classics.”

“A play on tradition.”

“Exactly."

“Ah, I see you, chef,” Marcus nods along, excited about tonight’s R&D night. 

The game plan is to serve smaller portions of each dessert for the price of one, then get feedback by the end of the weekend. 

“Hey, family’s up in a minute. You guys ready to roll tonight?” Carmy asks, stopping by you and Marcus’ little pastry corner. 

“Yes, chef,” you both answer, in staggered timing. 

“She got me workin’ on a strawberry compote. Here, try it, chef,” Marcus encourages, grabbing a clean spoon and scooping out a spoonful from the deli container it’s been stored in. Carmy takes it, putting the spoon in his mouth and he tries the compote. 

“That’s gonna be really good with the tang and slightly bitter outside of the burnt cheesecake. Good work, chef,” he congratulates, inspiring a grin across Marcus face. 

“I’m learning so much from you. Seriously. Thank you, chef,” he says, turning to you. 

“Hey, you’re the one that made the compote,” you reply, redirecting the praise back to him. “Just sayin’.”

“Family’s up!” Sydney calls out to the whole kitchen. 

You lock eyes with Carmy, and he nods towards the front of house as if to say, ‘follow me.’ You and Marcus file in through the limited space that leads from the kitchen to the front counter, then finally, into the dining area of the restaurant. Carmy had told you all about the hellish remodel of this place – that the two tops, booths, and bar remodel had taken for-fuckin-ever. That it looked like nothing more than a diner with a few arcade games before the reopen. 

“Hey, thanks for jumping in so that Angel could cover me the other night,” Ebrahim says to you, as you find a seat next to Carmy, and across from Marcus. 

“Oh, it’s no problem. You feelin’ better?” you ask back. 

“Very much so. A little rest and a little maraq digaag and I’m good as new,” he answers. 

“What’s good, Jeff? Surprised you’ve stuck around this long. Glad we haven’t scared you away yet,” Tina greets. 

Carmy’s shocked, considering Tina rarely warms up to anyone. 

You chuckle in response. 

“It takes a lot more to scare me away, chef,” you reply, confident that you can keep up with everyone’s witty banter. Even though you’ve been welcomed in over the last few days, you know that they were a family before you came. 

And will still be one after you. 

Right. Because this is temporary. You’re only here for a week, you remind yourself. 

“Yeah, thought she’d be long gone after workin’ the line the other night,” Richie chimes in. “Especially considering she’s way out of your league, cousin.” 

“Yeah, yeah, fuck you,” Carmy shoots back, almost instantly. 

“I’m just glad you’re here now. Man, it’s been three days and you’ve leveled my shit up already,” Marcus compliments. 

“Besides, it’s nice to have some solidarity amongst the little boys club we work in every damn day,” Sydney points out, eliciting a scoff from Richie.

The two of you share a look, like a psychic high five or some shit. It begins to dawn on you that you could get used to this: this kitchen, these people….

“What? You got something against women supporting women, Richie?”

“Oh, so what? You’re the voice of feminism now, Syd?” Richie spits back. “Holy shit! Did you guys know that we were here in the presence of the new voice of-.”

You watch as Tina and Gary slump in their chairs, as if to say, ‘here they go again.’

“Don’t be such a prick, Richie. Oh wait.” Sydney challenges. 

“You know what-?” Richie starts up, before being swiftly interrupted.

“Damn, Syd. This is fantastic,” you interject, your voice louder than normal, in reference to her family meal. “These tostadas are fuckin’ perfect and I’m gonna need the recipe.”

Richie continues to go on about god knows what, distracting himself, as Sydney mouths a, ‘thank you’ across the table towards you. You nod towards her as if to say, 

I got you.

*

“Hey, I’m a little behind on plating. Sorry, chef,” Marcus apologizes, and you can tell he’s stressed. He gestures towards the plates that are ready to go out to the bar. 

He hesitates before asking, “Oh and uh… these ones are ready to go out. Can you-?”

“‘Course, chef,” you answer, a mini-pep talk coming his way. “But uh… before you keep going, Marcus, take a breath. I know you struggle a little with pacing – you want everything to perfect – but, it’s gonna come with practice and repetition.”

You can see that he’s flustered – a little frustrated even. 

“Expediting during dinner is a whole other animal, and it’s just night one. You got this,” you reassure. 

You and Carmy had such different leadership styles. While you both had come up in the same kind of kitchens, you didn’t like to yell unless you had to. You were here to teach, and you can’t remember the last time someone screaming at you had ever helped you learn something. 

You’re more than happy to support him by taking these plates out. You spent the first half of dinner service plating so that he could get some face time with customers – since you’d be asking for feedback. Then you’d switch halfway through service.  You also thought it might be good practice for him to lead, considering they’d need to hire more help with the new menus. 

You take a look at the ticket, one dessert tasting - two people - bar top, before taking the dessert plates out to the designated seats at the bar. There’s a gorgeous blonde woman sitting next to a guy in a sweater vest, as you make to approach the bar top. 

“Hi, you guys,” you greet, a cheerful smile on your face. “Sorry to keep you waiting. We’re testing out a few new desserts for our dinner menu, so I’d love to hear what you think.”

“Oh this looks great,” the woman says, looking at both perfectly plated desserts. 

“Here we have a burnt basque cheesecake with a strawberry compote, The Bear’s signature chocolate layer cake, and then a classic Italian tiramisu,” you explain, walking through each piece. 

“Wow,” the man marvels, almost as if he’s surprised. 

You share your name with them, and let them know that, if they have any feedback, that they can ask for you. As you turn to go, the woman calls after you, stopping you. 

“Wait,” she says, her eyes lighting up. “You’re Carmy’s friend.”

“Yes.”

“Pete, it’s Carmy’s friend!” she exclaims, nudging the man next to her with her elbow to try to jog his memory. “You know! The one that’s staying in our airbnb.”

“Oh!” he says, as the light bulb goes on in his brain. “Yeah, we’ve heard all about you.”

“I’m sorry,” the woman apologizes. “I’m Natalie, his sister, but you can call me Sugar. This is my husband, Pete.”

“Oh my god! Natalie! Yes, I’ve heard so much about you too,” you reply, finally registering that this was the same woman in family photos that Carmy had shown you years ago. “It’s so nice to put a face to the name. And great to meet you too, Pete. Seriously, thanks for letting me stay at the place. I mean, you really didn’t have to.”

“Likewise,” she says back. She scoffs before rolling her eyes and continuing. “Leave it to Carmy to ask us for a favor and not even introduce you to us, that soft shitty bitch!”

“Babe,” Pete starts. “Maybe we shouldn’t be so hard on Carmy, you know, in front of his-.” He gestures towards you and you’re not sure what he thinks you are to Carmy. 

Sugar brushes him off with a, ‘whatever,’ before you notice that they’re both in need of clean forks. 

“You guys need clean forks. I’m gonna-,” you start. 

“Oh no! I uh-, let me get it,” Pete interrupts, practically jumping out of his seat. 

“You sure?”

“Yeah,” he agrees, leaving the two of you alone. 

You lean against the bar top towards Sugar. 

“Well, he couldn’t get out of here fast enough,” you say with a laugh, stating the obvious. She laughs with a nod towards her husband. 

“Yeah he’s… special,” she replies. “I think he uh, I think he just wanted to give us some time to talk.” 

You’re not sure what to say next, because you’re not sure what you and Carmy’s sister, one you’ve never met before, would have to talk about. 

“So how’s the place? Do you have everything you need or-?” Sugar begins, in reference to the airbnb. 

“Oh! Yeah, no it’s great. I’ve got everything I need. Again, thank you. You really didn’t have to do that.”

“No, we wanted to!”

“Thanks…” you trail off, suddenly feeling a little uncomfortable – nervous, maybe? Yep, definitely nervous, you realize, as you begin to ramble. “It’s a really great apartment. Beautifully styled.”

What the fuck are you even talking about, you think to yourself.

“Oh, I did that! Styled it, I mean,” Sugar’s quick to respond.

“Oh, wow!” you say. Were all the Berzattos creative? “Yeah, I just-, I really appreciate it. Made getting out here a little easier.”

“No, yeah, it’s-, it’s no problem,” Sugar continues. “Really… anything for a friend of Carmy’s.” 

You’re not sure why it’s so awkward, and it feels like you’re somehow both dancing around something you’re not even sure you should be dancing around. 

“I hope you don’t think I’m a total bitch for saying this but,” Sugar starts, cautiously. While she doesn’t want to make her brother look like a total loser in front of you, she’s also unsure of how else to say what she says next. 

“Bear's never really had any friends… not a lot of them, at least. So I-. Thank you. I mean. For being his friend, I guess… is what I’m trying to say.” 

Bear.

You figure it's a family nickname. You wonder why you’ve never heard it before, and yet, it’s no surprise that he kept it from you. He’d been so evasive about his family when you’d first met. For a bit, it just felt like a topic that was off limits.

You take a beat, processing what she’s just said. In some ways, you always knew that Carmy was a bit of a loner, but you could feel the weight of what she’s saying – how much it meant to her. 

“I know he’s not always easy to love but. I don’t know. He acts like he doesn’t need people, and I know he does. I mean, people outside of this fucked up shit hole anyways,” she continues, gesturing to her surroundings. 

You agree with a small laugh, “Yeah, he can be a real dick sometimes. That’s for sure.” 

“Seriously. Thank you,” she says, genuinely. 

“Of course,” you reply, making sure she knows that her words mean a lot to you. You take a more playful tone as you continue. “To be fair, we did meet in another fucked up spot. Not so much a shit hole though.”

“Yeah, and there’s that,” she sighs, lightheartedly. 

“I’m just glad he has someone. He needs someone. Even when he doesn’t want to.”

The rest of dinner service is a blur, as your mind continues to incubate on what Sugar had said to you. You let your interaction with her sit there, but try your best to focus on supporting the rest of service. 

You all work together to wrap up the evening – a chaotic dinner service with a lot of lessons learned. You and Carmy are the last to leave as you notice he’s wrapping up a few things in his office. With your jacket on, backpack slung over one shoulder, you stop by to say goodnight before heading out. 

He’s sitting in the chair, furiously scribbling a few notes down on a few pages of graphing paper. Your eyes flicker over all of the silly doodles on the whiteboard behind him. 

“Hey,” you say, causing him to look up from his notebook. 

“Good service tonight,” he says back. 

“Yeah,” you nod in agreement. “Desserts were a hit.”

“I heard,” he replies. 

You wait for him to say more, only he doesn’t. 

“So, I’m gonna get out of here. Marcus is gonna fly solo tomorrow morning, so I won’t be in till the dinner shift,” you start, shooting him a polite smile. 

You take a few steps away from the office before he calls out to you. 

“Hey!” 

You stop, taking a few steps backwards so that you’re standing in the office doorway once again. 

“You hungry?” he asks, tentatively. 

There’s a look in his eyes that you can’t quite identify: a little nervousness, and something else you haven’t had a chance to name yet. It’s like he’s not ready to part ways with you yet. You smile back at him, hoping to quell whatever nerves he has about the question he just asked you. 

“Always, Carm.”  

You’re tired and your feet ache from a particularly busy service, but you’re not ready to part ways with him either.

“Watcha thinkin?” you ask curiously, sliding your other arm through the loose strap of your backpack. 

“Can I cook you something?” he proposes, hopefully.

You laugh. 

“Is that even a real question?” 

You wait for him as he wraps up his notes and gather his things. Carmy slips on his jacket and ballcap, ready to head home with you. On the way, he lights up a cigarette, offering one to you, but you tell him that you’re trying to quit – or at least trying to cut back. It’s not a long walk back to his place, and you anticipate it being something along the same lines as what he had in New York: facebook marketplace couch, minimal food in the fridge, a TV and a bed. 

Nothing else – just a place to sleep, before he spends most of his day at the restaurant. 

When you arrive, you’re not surprised to see that your assumptions were correct. Carmy flips on a few lights as you follow behind him. You drop your book bag onto his couch, slipping your shoes off and removing your jacket, as Carmy bee lines for the kitchen. You hear the faucet turn on as you tentatively explore his small apartment, before meeting him in the small kitchen area.

He takes his time, washing his hands, before drying them on a dish towel and throwing it over his shoulder. 

“So what are we makin’, chef?” you inquire.

“We aren’t making anything. You’re gonna sit right over here,” he begins, gesturing towards the area across from his gas stovetop. “Oh shit. Hold on. Let me grab you a-.”

“I’m good here, chef,” you interrupt, making a sound as you hop onto the kitchen counter. You immediately reach for the bag of chips he’s thrown onto it. It’s not even closed properly with a clip or anything so expect them to be stale as you pop one of the chips into your mouth.

“Sour cream and onion? Change up from your regular doritos, huh?”

A small smile spreads across his face as he moves around his kitchen, locating a quarter sheet pan. He opens his practically desolate fridge, pulling out a fresh brick of pecorino romano, guanciale, and a few eggs he throws right into the pint-sized deli container that lays on the sheet pan. The rest follow: an unopened pound of dried spaghetti and black pepper, before he gently places the sheet pan on the counter, beginning to preheat two pans on the stovetop. 

“Are you-?”

“Uh huh.”

You smile to yourself. He’s making one of your favorites: carbonara. 

The first time he’d made it for you, you had just started spending some of your days off together – had just agreed to be a part of each others' quarantine pods. You knew he had Italian-American heritage but it was blatantly obvious when you took your first bite.

“Holy fuck,” you had practically moaned at your first bite. “This-, please don’t take this the wrong way, but I’m pretty sure your talents are being wasted on fine dining, my friend. This is… this is fucking unreal, dude.”

You had tried to convince him that this is the food you both should be cooking, but he vehemently denied the idea, insisting the fine dining was the highest on the food chain and the only way he could make a name for himself. 

He’d been drinking the kool-aid. You both had. 

You sit quietly, as Carmy works. You watch as he cuts perfect lardons, then renders the fat from the cured pork bits. The smell of the guanciale begins to fill the apartment, and Carmy opens a window, just to let the smoke dissipate. 

“You can uh, put some music on if you want,” Carmy says, motioning towards the small bluetooth speaker he has on the coffee table. You agree to, hopping off of the kitchen counter and making your way towards his living area to set up the speaker.

You flip through your phone, looking for a good playlist to put on, settling on one of your dinner party playlists. The speaker booms with the sounds of an old jazz standard, redone as an acoustic cover, and you turn the volume up a little as the water for the spaghetti comes to a boil. 

You spend time looking through Carmy’s bookshelf. It’s filled with thick-spined cookbooks from James Beard winning best restaurants and chefs. You drag your fingertips over the spine of a few classics, but settle on a fairly new book, written by someone at the New York Times. 

“Do you have any other books besides cookbooks?” you call out to him. 

He lets out a dry laugh and you take it as a no. 

You make your way back to your spot on the counter, sliding the open chip bag over, before hopping back up to your seat. You flip through the cookbook as Carmy stays busy with the pasta. 

It’s quiet moments like these that you’ve missed so much. Some days the two of you could talk for hours about sous vide vs reverse searing, and the right way to make a fucking bearnaisse sauce. Other days, Carmy wasn’t much for conversation, and you loved those ones equally. Sometimes, you just wanted company, so he’d come over and work on a recipe and you’d read while he worked in your kitchen.

You could just be together, and it was nice to feel that again. 

No awkward tension of things left unsaid. 

But there was a different kind of tension that seemed to linger between the two of you and you wondered if it had always been there. Had you just never noticed? Between the little comments from Richie about being out of his league, and Pete’s open-ended ‘not in front of his’ you wondered if everyone knew something you didn’t. 

“Which one’d you go with?” he asks, continuing his graceful dance around the kitchen. 

“Korean American. Eric Kim. I hadn’t had a chance to pick up a copy for myself yet, actually,” you answer, flipping through the first few pages.

Your met with quiet as you continue your story.

“You know we’re kind of friends. We went out for drinks a few times. Before I quit my job. Went dancing in the east village and stayed out till two in the morning bar hopping and gossiping about our mutual celebrity crush, Timothee Chalamet,” you add, your attention still fixed on the vibrant, colorful food photographs. 

“Timothee Chalamet, huh?” Carmy asks, amused.

Your attention isn’t on Carmy, or what he’s doing, save for the sounds of him moving around the kitchen. That is, until you look up to find him unceremoniously close to you, peering over onto the page you seem so fascinated with.

“Jesus Christ, Car!” you gasp, surprised by his close proximity. Your heart was beating faster as he took a step back.  “You scared the shit out of me!”

“Sorry,” he mumbles, his head hanging as he takes a few steps back. “Didn’t mean to.”

“No, it’s okay!” you assure. But it’s too late, so you change the subject, deciding to finish your story. “Anyways uh… I had to hang out with someone after you left New York. Make some new friends.”

“We both know you’ve never struggled with that,” Carmy points out, eliciting a playful eye roll from you. 

He returns with the most aesthetically pleasing twirl of spaghetti carbonara. It’s so perfect you almost can’t fathom eating it. He hands it to you, then returns to his kitchen counter, plating a second bowl for himself.

After finishing the second twirl, he carelessly tosses his carving fork into the sink, opening another drawer to grab two forks for eating.

“Come on. You don’t want it to get cold,” he encourages, handing you one of the forks. 

He waits patiently for you to try it first, so you dig your fork in, creating a spaghetti twirl that hugs the fork, before raising it up to your lips. You open your mouth, taking a bite, before closing your eyes in absolute bliss.

“I can’t fucking stand you.”

He smiles, and it’s the biggest smile you’ve seen on his face this whole week. 

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. I mean. Fuck you. Like… absolutely fuck you.”

He laughs, finally picking up his own fork and digging into the second bowl he’s plate for himself. 

Holy fuck, is it out of this world.

“Like, do you think they’re such a thing as a talent aggression? Like a cute aggression, only I want to squeeze your head off because you’re so damn talented-kind of aggression?” you pitch your idea to him, playfully. 

He laughs, a blush spreading across his cheeks, “Uh… no. I don’t think so.” 

Carmy rests his back against the counter, as you eat together, side by side. You eat quietly, exchange looks and quiet giggles as the two of you finish your pasta, slurping up the cheesy, egg-yolk coated noodles. When you finish your bowl, you put it down on the counter next to you, throwing your head back with a sigh. 

“Thank you,” you say, fully satisfied as you feel the dopamine rush of eating carbs. 

“That good, huh?” he asks, a cocky smirk on his face. 

“So good,” you exhale happily, as you rest your head on his shoulder. “And you know it, you asshole.” 

He chuckles, turning his head towards you just as you lift your head off of his shoulder, your faces mere inches away from each other. You watch as his face turns a few shades darker, the blush across his cheeks running through his whole face. 

Are you two fucking idiots to pretend that you were just friends?

Yeah. Yes, you are.

“Sorry, I’m, I didn’t mean to um,” he stutters, beginning to pull away from you.

“Wait,” you call out, reaching out to stop him. You grab his arm. 

And there it is again… the tension. That thing that, even when you had talked it out, has remained between you two. He stops moving, his eyes fixated on your hand – the one that’s reached for him. The one that feels hot against his skin. 

“Carm, I-. Um, I’ve really missed…” you stammer through, trying not to sound as breathless as you feel. 

I’ve really missed you.

“... your carbonara.” He looks up at you with those beautifully sad, cerulean blue eyes, and if you weren’t breathless before, you certainly are now. 

“You should make this more often,” is all you manage to get out, and you know you sound helpless. 

He doesn’t know what to say back. That he can hear the ache in your voice – a yearning for him that he never imagined anyone could ever have for him. That it’d be world war three, trying to get a carbonara on the dinner menu. That screaming would ensue over a goddamn emulsion. That there’d be no way to pull this off authentically, and that he’d have to use heavy cream, and no fucking way would he compromise on that. 

On your favorite fucking dish. 

That he only has these ingredients on hand because he went out and bought them in preparation for your visit. 

That he only got them for you. 

Because he maybe only wants to make carbonara for you, and only you, for forever and ever. 

That he’s missed you too, and that wanting you is one of the scariest things he’s ever felt. 

His eyes flicker from your hand, the one still holding onto him, and then back to your face. He’s not sure what possesses him to do it, but he can hear his brother’s voice in his head, let it rip, pushing him to lean in – even closer towards you. You wrap your fingers around his arm, encouraging him closer to you – if it’s even possible. Your foreheads meet and it’s as if all the oxygen has been sucked out of the room. It’s like your vision narrows and the dimly lit apartment has faded away behind you. 

It’s just you and him. 

You feel dizzy – in the most delicious way possible.

You’re not sure who moves in first, but the tip of his nose is ever so gently bumping against yours. You brush the side of your nose against his, neither of you daring to take a breath. 

“Carm?”

He doesn’t answer, so you gently begin to leave a kiss against the corner of his mouth. 

“This okay?”

Then the side of his top lip. 

“Mhm,” he nods, eager to continue where this is going. 

Then you pull back, pulling him towards you so that, as you remain perched on top of his kitchen countertop, he fits perfectly between your knees. You lean in to kiss him, and this time, it’s not as hesitant… not as cautious as you’ve both been. 

No, these kisses are different, each one opening up the door to more and more – more want, more need, more lust – and as it blooms, as it blossoms, you feel Carmy’s hand move gingerly to cradle your face as you fall down the rabbit hole. Your fingers tangle into his blonde curls allowing your sheer want for him to consume you. It’s lips, and tangled tongues, and tentative, soft moans as you continue to pull each other closer and closer.

And you slowly begin to understand: the lingering tension, the avoidance of labeling you from his brother-in-law, why he’s been terrified to say a damn thing to you this entire week.

As much as you tried, and as much as he’s tried, neither of you had put that night behind you. 

Sure, it was shitty timing, and sure he wasn’t in the right headspace then. But now? 

Now, could be different, if you’d let it. 

Carmy pulls away from you, reluctantly, his face hot before asking, “You uh, you wanna take this somewhere else?”

His tone is hopeful, as if he’s the teenage dirtbag asking the prom queen out – like if you heard him, and you laughed in his face, he simply wouldn’t survive it. 

But your response is quite the opposite, and he feels silly for worrying, as you manage a breathy ‘yes’ going back in for one more kiss. He gives you some space to hop off the counter and you grab his hand, leading him towards his bedroom. It’s not a huge place, so you put two and two together about where that is. Carmy leaves the lights off in his bedroom, the only glimmer of light either of you can see comes from the living room lamps, and the kitchen overhead. 

With his hand in yours, you pull him towards you again, and he’s more than happy to let you lead. You begin to kiss him, taking note of how perfectly his top lip feels nestled in between yours. He follows you down to his bed, hesitant to put his full body weight on top of you. You giggle into the kiss, pulling him down to you. 

“I’m not a porcelain doll, Carm,” you tease, gently. 

You feel his lips twist into a smile against yours, as he begins to leave sloppier, wetter kisses down your neck. You allow him to explore as his hesitation lessens, his hands beginning to bunch up the hemline of your shirt. Higher and higher. And before you know it, you’re taking it off, impatiently throwing it somewhere you’ll barely remember in the light of day. You pull Carmy back down for another kiss, this time with a little more intensity, as he covers his body with yours, his hands and mouth exploring every inch of newly revealed skin that he possibly can. 

You’re not sure when his shirt joined yours on the floor but before it registers, you’re running your fingers across the muscles of his back, exploring each peak and valley. You hiss in pure pleasure as he pulls down one of the cups of your bra, his tongue running across one of your nipples. You can feel him smile against your skin, a well-won reaction from the pleasure he’s giving you. His other hand reaches up to give equal attention to your other breast, and moments later, you’re both impatiently pulling your bra off. 

“Wanna try something,” Carmy murmurs, his eyes meeting yours. 

You can feel the wet heat pooling between your legs as you breathe out, “Okay.”

The anticipation is building in your body and you feel like your head might explode. Carmy busies his mouth once again, leaving kisses down your torso as his hands begin to fiddle with the button on your jeans. You giggle, more than willing to help him out as he gets them undone, lifting your hips so that he can slide them off. 

He’s hesitant, and you’re trying your damnedest to be patient as he takes his sweet time to marvel at your almost-naked body. 

“So fucking perfect,” Carmy whispers, in between leaving wet, open mouthed kisses across your hip bones. You can hardly breathe, panting out loud as he continues his exploration. You make space for him between your legs as he slips his hands into your panties, dragging a finger up and down your dripping sex.

He checks in with you, gauging your reaction, and you nod as he continues what he’s doing. 

“This all for me?” he asks. He means for it to sound confident, but as the words leave him, he sounds more surprised than anything.

Before you can answer, he’s pushing your legs wider, his tongue gently running across your clit, causing you to cry out to the gods. He’s tentative at first, but it doesn’t take long for him to gather up the confidence to keep going, with the noises you’re making. At first it’s all tongue, licking, circling and flattening up against you, but you’re losing your mind as he adds his fingers back into the mix. His fingers are buried deep inside of you while his lips and tongue are bringing you far past your edge.

It’s as if the only words you can remember are his name, and ‘fuck.’ 

You feel his lips curl into a smile against you as he murmurs, “Just wanna make you feel good.”

You can feel it – your climax – building up, and Carmy groans, rutting his hips into the bed as he can no longer ignore how hard he is. 

“Carmy, yes. Don’t stop, please. I’m-,” you beg, your voice shaking.

And he has no intention of stopping till he gets what he wants – till he makes you cum. He works you through your orgasm, groaning against you as you cum on his tongue and around his fingers. You swear for a moment that you can’t hear a single thing as stars fill your vision. As you come to, it starts with only the sounds of the heavy pants that escape your mouth. Carmy sits up, wiping his mouth on the back of his hand. 

“Holy fuck,” you say, breathless. 

Carmy lays over you once again, kissing you, and you can taste yourself on his lips. 

Your hands fumble with the button on his jeans and you order, no patience left in a single cell of your body, “Off. These need to come off.”

He chuckles, hurrying through the removal of his jeans. You’re so eager to feel the weight of his body on top of yours again that you pull him back down to you before he’s even able to properly take them off. 

He’s kissing you again as you reach down, grabbing his hard length through his underwear. He’s thicker than you remember. You slip your hand into the waistband of his briefs, causing him to grunt. He hisses your name as you wrap your soft hand around his dick, bucking his hips into your hand. 

“Do you have a condom?” you ask, desperately. “I wanna feel you, Carm.”

“Mhm.”

He doesn’t keep condoms around. It’s not like this happens very often for him. But Richie had thrown a pack of condoms at his head the minute he found out that the friend that was coming to visit was a girl. Richie had teased him with some stupid quip like ‘don’t forget to wrap it up, cousin. No one wants a mini-eleven madison park dickhead running around here.’

He hadn’t expected this to happen. But it’s not like he’d thrown the condoms away either – tucking them into the single drawer of his nightstand. 

You wait as he reaches over and pulls out a condom from his nightstand. You want to ask him about why he has them, but as long as you get to feel him, you’re not sure you care. 

You’ve been here before with him, but this is different. He sits up on his knees and you follow him, pulling his briefs down properly and giving him time to roll on the condom. He follows you back down onto the bed as you wrap a leg around his waist so that he can fit perfectly between yours. 

He waits a beat, and then you feel his thick tip pushing against you, causing your breath to catch in your throat. He rubs the head up and down your slick core, before slowly beginning to push into you. 

You both gasp at the feel of each other. 

“Fuck. You’re so fuckin’ tight,” he moans, dropping his head into the crevice of your neck. He hopes you can’t tell how utterly helpless he feels.

You hiss at the way he’s stretching you open, the pads of your fingertips digging into his arms. You’re holding onto his arms for dear life as he fills you all the way to the hilt. You let out another moan as you as he stays there for a moment. 

“This okay?” 

You nod, pulling him down to kiss you again. You start moving your hips against his as Carmy gives you shallow thrusts. 

“Hold on,” he breathes out, holding your hips down for a moment. “Just-, just give me a second.” 

And you do, allowing him to collect himself, before he’s giving you shallow, gentle thrusts. 

But you’re in desperate need for more. 

“Carmy?”

“Yeah?”

“Fucking move.” 

Finally, finally, he pulls almost all the way out, before driving himself back into you, earning a cry from you as the pleasure is just too much. 

“Oh fuck!”

You want more. You want everything and all of him and so much more. And he gives it to you, continuing to check in that what he’s doing is okay. Before you know it, you’re begging him to go faster, harder, convincing him that you’re not fucking breakable and that you want more, grasping at the sheets and his biceps, and his curls –  anything you can hang on to as he’s bringing you over your edge again for the second time tonight. 

You’re crying out his name as you cum, and Carmy thinks it may be the sweetest, best thing he’s ever heard in his life. He fucks you through your climax, beginning to slow down the pace of this thrusts. He pauses, kisses you long and hard, passionately pausing just to be in this moment with you. 

“Carm?” you manage to get out. You wonder if he can hear how much you want him just by the sound of your voice. 

“Hm?”

“I wanna ride you,” you say, and you can feel that your words have gone straight to his dick as he twitches inside of you.

“Yeah?” 

“Yeah.” 

The two of you clumsily change positions – him on his back staring up at you in awe, like how the hell does that perfect, beautiful, creature want to be here with me now? You reach down, guiding him back inside of you and you’re both gasping at the contact. You begin grinding your hips against him, watching his eyes roll back as you make your movement a little bigger. 

“Jesus Christ,” he sighs out, the pleasure of it all taking over his brain. 

You know he won’t last much longer as you begin to ride him, rocking your hips back and forth. Carmy hands are on your hips, then running up and down your torso, grabbing your tits, and then they’re pulling you down to him for another passionate makeout as you continue your movements. You can feel his thrusts becoming more erratic as he starts thrusting up into you. You keep riding him, reaching for his hands and placing them along your hips. 

“Show me how you want it,” you whisper in between kisses. 

“I think this is nice,” he manages to say. 

“Show me how you want it, Carmen,” you demand, emphasizing your need for him with use of his full name. “Let me make you cum.” 

You squeeze his hands against your ass, egging him on, and he’s not sure what he’s done to deserve this. He holds onto your hips, before thrusting up into you, setting a bruising pace as your moans become louder and louder. You scream out his name, as he brings you closer and closer to your high, chasing his with him. 

He grunts, his thrusts becoming sloppier, messier, more desperate and you let him use your body in the most delicious ways. 

“Are you gonna cum?”

Instead of answering, he’s driving into you like a fucking mad man, and you’re riding him through his high till you both collapse. 

Carmy lets out a strangled moan as he cums, so you begin to slow your movements. You’re breathless, hunched over him, your foreheads touching as you exchange a laugh.

It's a kind of 'I can't believe we just did that' kind of laugh.

“Holy shit,” he says, shaking his head. 

“Yeah,” you agree, a stupid, blissed out smile on both of your faces.

“That was-.”

“Yeah.”

You get off of him, allowing him to get up and dispose of the condom. He’s not gone long before he returns to you, wrapping the both of you up in his sheets and into his arms. It feels unlike anything you’ve ever had. 

It feels… magnificent. 

“Stay with me tonight?” he asks, leaving a few soft kisses along your shoulder. 

“After that?” you giggle, as his lips against your neck begin to tickle. “You’re not getting rid of me, Berzatto. Not a fucking chance.”

read: part five

taglist: @lazypeachsoul @bookwormvoyageuse @allthefandomstogether @gaysludge @sobshoney

[agendabymooner]

𝐡𝐨𝐧𝐞𝐲 𝐡𝐨𝐧𝐞𝐲 !!! 𝐥𝐧𝟒 — 𝐭𝐰𝐨

☼ LANDO NORRIS RETWEETED

chapter summary: lando norris is beginning to show his true colours after honey-sue announced her third album release and her participation in a special event occurring in three months — maybe he’s just excited to see her during the monaco gp?

OR f1 fans are noticing that his twitter timeline is being taken over by posts about the famous british youtuber/musician.

content warning: use of explicit language, ofc’s discography is based on lana del rey’s albums and songs, insta + twitter posts, mentions of cigarette + alcohol consumption, mentions anxiety, short jokes, “liked by pierre gasly”

a - n masterlist

o - z masterlist

tagged sidemen

liked by landonorris, maxfewtrell, pierregasly

chrismd oh geez can’t wait to share lockers with you i guess 🤥

suemehoney god forbid i’d actually see some kneecaps on you, dixon 😳

user1 stop violating him oh my god 🫣😩

stephentries_ finally 🙃 the better lewis playing for the match liked by suemehoney

zerkaa one of the boooooyz 😩💪 liked by suemehoney

bambinobecky my favourite pick me 😭🫡 liked by suemehoney

suemehoney actually give me a kiss plz 🥵

user2 “liked by landonorris” 💀

user3 honey is officially a victim of “liked by pierregasly” 😭😭😭🫡

user4 what’re these f1 people doing in honey’s insta??? 😳

user5 didn’t mean to invade y’all— but we couldn’t contain lando and pierre in the horny jail so we had to check out what’s the fuss ourselves

user4 understood

liked by landonorris, pierregasly, miniminter

user1 OKAY SERVE SIS SERVE

user2 i’ll kiss you in the mouth if you do the spoon necklace again 😩

ksi 😭😭 liked by suemehoney

wroetoshaw i’ll be the first to cry when it first come out liked by suemehoney

r0sielewis 🥵 liked by suemehoney

niko they better play this at my funeral liked by suemehoney

suemehoney i’ll even dj it for you neeko 😚🤭

user3 yo these f1 drivers are wiiiiild 😭

user4 “liked by landonorris” 💀

user5 “liked by pierregasly” 😅 can’t believe this shit

user6 can’t even have shit in this economy

HONEY HONEY

william ya shit! who is this man??? he goes on to say that this lunch is important but he isn’t here??? tf am i doing here? i could be doing something else!

WILLIAM²

honey calm down m8 😅 lando said he’ll be here in five minutes that’s what max said at least why don’t you grab some alcohol

HAROLDINHO

and get her pissed in monaco at 1 in the afternoon? are you insane? do you want to die?

WILLIAM²

allow it? it’s her vacation harold— let her drink if she wants to drink

HONEY HONEY

i took my anxiety meds this morning you fuckin numpty 😭 if i drink now it’ll be nothing but a trip to the hospital for me

WILLIAM²

right. shit sorry. maybe take some breather? filly’s more than willing to walk around with you before we order. i’ll talk to max about lando 🙏 the idiot isn’t always this late so this is unusual

HONEY HONEY

you better 😐 i should’ve brought cigarettes

HAROLDINHO

shut your mouth. if i see a single stick i’m shoving it down your throat.

HONEY HONEY

oh fuck off. you’ve had worse than nicotine. bitch.

MAX 😚

m8 🤠 the more time you spend in front of a mirror the more time you lose with your lover girl

LANDO 🥵

fuck off im nervous

MAX 😚

lad 😭 she’s not going to bite you. she doesn’t even want to talk to people what makes you think she’d want to deliberately talk to you?

LANDO 🥵

that’s even worse 😭😭 i’m omw. seriously. i just need to make sure i look decent enough 🙄

MAX 😚

you might have to do some explaining to w2s about you retweeting posts about his sister though 😅 the whole “lando norris retweeted” spiel is becoming a trend and uh it’s not a good look for you

LANDO 🥵

MAX FOR FUCKS SAKE!

[comicaurora]

Happy Glorious 25th of May. Thank you for getting me into the discworld books (at least in an indirect way). They have quickly become one of my favorite series of books, even if I've only read a handful of them. As for a question, what have been your biggest takeaways or lessons from the discworld books? Whether it be how you write, how you engage with stories, or even how you look at the world.

we got another one lads

It's a little hard to boil it down! The books cover so much ground, and I read them at such a formative age it's hard to tease out how much of me is made from them.

On the most basic level, I love how angry those books are. Every POV protagonist is seething at unfairness and injustice and this is never framed as a bad thing - just something that needs to be controlled, directed, weaponized.

I like that everything is a joke, but in-universe everybody is absolutely sincere. The characters are charicatures and punchlines because of their sincerely-held beliefs and ideals. Captain Carrot is shiny and literal-minded and perfection personified and it's funny because he really is that good. Nanny Ogg is an outrageously horny and boisterous old woman and it's funny because she's having such a good time with it, especially when contrasted with her stern and serious foil Granny Weatherwax, and it's funny because the two of them know each other incredibly well and deal with each other's eccentricities with the practice of decades. The dwarves are funny because they're goofy little guys with big beards that think about nothing but gold and new songs to sing about gold, and as the books go on, the complexities of a culture that looks like that punchline become the deepest and most fascinating element of the worldbuilding in the entire Disc. The world is mounted on the back of four elephants and we made a book called the Fifth Elephant, how wacky, hey let's casually integrate the worldbuilding consequences of massive deposits of perfectly-crisped organic matter caused by the collision of a planet-sized elephant with a planet-sized planet. The discworld tells a joke and then commits to the consequences with its entire ass, and I love that.

A lot of the characters are in some way one-of-a-kind and unprecedented, or at least appear to be on the surface because nobody like them has even been publicly known, and the stories frequently explore how these unique people navigate their existence without a roadmap and trailblaze the way for the people just like them to someday follow. People who break rules by existing and make the world question what purpose those rules serve if they aren't actually unyielding principles of reality. The dwarf gender cultural revolution, the female wizard, the golem given a voice, the entire existence of Susan Sto Helit. It produces a world that feels like it's absolutely full of protagonists, like every story is one-of-a-kind and every individual person matters and has the right to choose the way they want to live, no matter what anyone else thinks. can't believe some terfs really think these books are for them as if they aren't precision-built to tell them to go fuck themselves

The cast full of protagonists makes the crossover events a delight. All these characters existing in the same universe means they can just run into each other sometimes, and they're all such absolute weirdos that their interactions never fail to be absolutely incredible. The world feels very thoroughly lived-in, to the point where the stories sometimes almost feel like they're telling themselves.

they're just really fuckin good ok

[papakhan]

Other than the horrible feeling inside his skull, Manny Vargas felt… good. Better than he had done in weeks. His cheeks were sore from laughing, his throat ached from talking, but his heart soared. The warm feeling in his chest was more than just alcohol. It was nostalgic, being back with the Khans. Their songs were just the same as Manny remembered. All cheering and dancing and swinging eachother around. Not even the man in the checkered suit sitting sourly in the corner could dispel the feeling of joy in that room.

I wrote ANOTHER Manny Vargas fic this time featuring Benny :) this takes place during the main story of FNV when the Khans and Benny stay at Manny's place in Novac

I'm also gonna mirror it right here

“Do not let Jessup buy any of those fuckin’ toys.” McMurphy said as he trudged up the stairs.

Not even a second passed after the door slammed, and Cliff waved one of those ever-so-tempting Dinky the Dinosaur toys, “Aw now don’t listen to him. You’ll never forgive yourself if you walk away now!”

Cliff Briscoe deserved some credit, he was completely undeterred by the sight of half a dozen Khans piling into his shop. In fact, he was delighted to see them. Most shopkeepers kept wary eyes on Khans, waiting for them to slip something into their pockets. But not Cliff Briscoe.

“No dice,” Benny said, pushing his way to the front, “We don’t want any of your junk, pal.”

Briscoe’s eyebrows knitted together as he scanned Benny. The Mojave dirt had somewhat diminished the crispness of Benny’s suit, but it still screamed ‘Hot Shot Casino Owner’ no matter how many days in a row he’d worn it. Though nowadays that seemed more like ‘Hot Shot Casino Owner After Wrestling With Six Khans’.

Still, ever resolute, Cliff pushed on, “Well… what are you looking for?”

“We’re not looking for anything, get it?” Benny snapped, and Jessup scowled at him.

“You got any slugs man? Twenty gage.” Jessup asked, leaning on the countertop to run a finger along the dinosaur’s spines, eyes wide with temptation.

Benny tutted, “And how are you gonna pay for that, genius?”

Jessup snapped upright. He shoved his face in Benny’s, lips pulled back in a snarl, “Get the fuck off my back.”

Benny’s mask cracked as he jolted away from Jessup, like snatching a hand away from a dog about to bite. Cliff eyed the pair hesitantly. One of the other Khans laughed. Jessup held fast, his stance daring Benny to get closer.

Benny was many things, but he wasn’t stupid. He raised his hands after a moment, placatingly, “Fine, do what you want.”

Jessup wrinkled his nose, then spat on the ground between them. Both Benny and Briscoe pulled a face, though Briscoe’s quickly disappeared as Jessup turned back to face him. Benny stalked away to another corner of the store, ignoring the Khans jeering at him. One of them elbowed him, Destiny--or ‘Eyepatch’ as Benny had taken to calling her in his head.

“Serves you right, dumbass,” She snickered as she flicked the lapel of his suit jacket, “Hasselin’ Jess when he ain’t sleepin’ right.”

Benny swore he’d never hit a woman, but he smacked Eyepatch’s arm away without thinking. She returned the favour by jabbing him in the ribs. Benny recoiled away, taking a learnt-- slightly out of practice --defensive stance.

“You hit me again girlie, and none of you are getting paid.” He hissed.

“I’m just playing, man. Don’t have to be so stuck up all the time.”

Benny ignored her, pretending to be very interested in the signed baseball cards framed on the wall instead of rubbing where she’d jabbed him. What he wouldn’t give to drop these idiots tonight and make his own way back to Vegas. But it was too many days away. He couldn’t risk sleeping unguarded. At least if the Khans robbed him in his sleep, he’d know where to start looking for the chip.

Not that they would. They weren’t exactly loyal, but they kept their word. It was almost nostalgic. The old style of honour big gangs like the Khans believed in. What the Boot Riders used to believe in. Not much honour left on the Strip these days, even Benny could see that.

He had to wonder if this ‘associate’ they were banking on lending them a room subscribed to the same worldview. As they’d approached Novac, McMurphy had raised an open palm to the dinosaur. He hadn’t elaborated much. ‘An old friend’, he’d said. Benny had heard some muttering from the other Khans, a couple of names he hadn’t heard before. It seemed that some were not as excited about this reunion as others.

The bell above the door jingled and a hush fell over the store.

“Oh, hey there Ranger Andy,” Cliff said cheerily, words that made Benny’s head jerk up. A fucking ranger? Here? Seriously?

Benny eyed each of the Khans, trying to guess which would step out of line and start shit with a ranger. None of them moved an inch, their gazes fixed on the Ranger who was wearing his full uniform and leaning heavily on a cane. All except Jessup, who kept his back to Andy and Benny. The Ranger licked his lips, glancing around at all the Khans in the tiny room.

“Uh, howdy Cliff. You alright there?” The Ranger spoke carefully, watching Cliff like he was waiting for him to blink SOS.

“Oh you know how business is these days, but I’m just fine.” Cliff replied cheerily, entirely oblivious to the look the Ranger was giving him, “I haven’t had any more of those holotapes you like, but I still got plenty of Dinkies!”

Benny watched Jessup, glaring at the back of his head waiting for any twitch. As if just staring at him could root him to the spot. Jessup may have had the old-style honour of the Boot Riders, but he didn’t have the obedience. But Jessup only glared at the countertop.

“Right.” The Ranger said, standing his ground, “Sure Cliff, you just let me know.”

Another door opened up above and a hot breeze blew in, carrying with it a pair of gruff voices. One belonged to McMurphy, and the other belonged to the assumed “friend”. No one in the room moved as the voices got closer until McMurphy reappeared and frowned at the stand-off, only to roll his eyes at the sight of it. No help there then.

“Friends of yours, Vargas?” The Ranger said.

“Uh,” This Vargas stepped out from behind the taller McMurphy and glanced at the gathered group, the bright blaring red of his beret the first and only thing Benny noticed, “Yeah, sorry Andy, forgot to tell you.”

“You’re not in the army anymore, son, you don’t need to check guests in with me,” Ranger Andy sounded miles more relaxed now than he did moments ago, “I can’t tell you what company to keep, was just a surprise on my afternoon visits, is all.”

Eyepatch beside Benny glared daggers at Vargas. The word ‘anymore’ had Benny’s ears pricked. An army boy, friends with some Khans? Benny didn’t like the NCR, but he was never one to turn down gossip. The way he heard it, they recruited just about anybody, and former raiders were a particular favourite of theirs. Like House to the gangs of The Strip, cushy digs could buy loyalty from a lot of people.

Not that Benny would sell out for anything less than what House came a’knocking with. He could at least rest easy knowing he would never scrub out his own identity for straw army cots and marching laps at the crack of dawn. No no no, it took far more than that. He had what some might call ‘standards’.

Vargas-- or “Manny” as the other Khans took to calling him, led their little band across the courtyard, earning even more raised eyebrows than when McMurphy had done the same earlier. Benny kept his head down, knowing his suit was loud enough on its own. He chewed on the information he’d gathered on Manny so far, which admittedly wasn’t much. A lot more attached to his clothes than the Khans seemed to be. Less scant leather, more cable knit red sweater. 

As Manny worked on unlocking the door to his apartment, Benny’s eyes trailed to Manny’s boots. Soft leather, scuffed and dirty. Not one who took his soldier training to heart, it seemed. And, judging by the tattoos peeking out from under Manny’s long-sleeve shirt, not one who took pride in his old gang ink. 

Manny pried his door open and ushered the group inside. The room was small and dingy, a bed, kitchen and diner all rolled into one, but compared to how Benny had been sleeping these past few days, it was a palace. Benny revelled in the soft carpet floors underfoot, considering how he’d felt every rock and bump in the road through his dress shoes. His eyes fell immediately on the double bed as Manny hurriedly picked up sheets from the floor and rearranged the pillows. So this visit was not expected, Benny realised. The single bulb overhead buzzed to life as McMurphy flipped a switch. Benny eyed him too, McMurphy was very… comfortable here. Like he’d been here many times before.

“Sit down somewhere, jeez,” Manny said and the Khans took that as a cue to flop onto the couch and promptly start fighting over space. Great. Five Khans, one ex-Khan and Benny between one couch and one double bed. 

Benny glanced skywards again, squinting at the bulb. If Manny Vargas had electricity, did that mean…

“You got one ring-a-ding pad pal,” Benny said, sauntering over to Manny as he tidied up a stained mug and bowl that looked as if they’d been out for days, “Think you can answer my prayers and tell me you got hot water too?”

Manny stared at him like it was the first time he’d noticed there was a non-Khan amongst them. Though knowing he was a sniper, Benny could say with some certainty that it was an act. He didn’t even process that Manny might be staring at him like that for the nonsense words that’d just spilt from him. Manny looked down at Benny’s dress shoes, then back up at his slicked hair. Though slick with his own grease now, more than the pomade he’d applied days ago.

“You gonna pay my water bill, buddy?”

“You’re guarding the town all day and they still make you pay bills?” Benny probed, “Sheesh pal, they’re really wringing you dry.”

This time, Manny laughed. He dumped his cup and bowl in the sink and raised his hands in mock surrender, “Alright, you got me. I don’t pay for the water. But my landlady will get mad with me if we use too much.”

“Oh come on, now you’re just teasing me,” Benny said.

“Look man, I don’t even know you--”

“See! Exactly! You don’t know me! So why don’t you and your friends play catch up while I scrub the grime off my poor skin, whaddya say?”

Manny sighed, chewing the inside of his lip in what Benny hoped was serious consideration. His dark eyes flitted to the Khans like a cry for help. 

“Please baby, just give me an hour alone with the shower.” Benny clasped his hands together, “Shall I beg? Look, you'll get the Ben-man down on his knees. I'll do it but it won't be pretty,” 

“Yeah go on! Beg!” Jessup crowed from the couch, “I wanna see!” 

Benny stopped to glare daggers at Jessup. Then turned back to Manny and flashed his best puppy-dog eyes. Manny pursed his lips, then glanced over at the Khans, grinning, and for a moment Benny was afraid Manny was about to make good on the begging act. But instead, Manny shrugged his shoulders and nodded to the bathroom.

“Go for it, man,” 

“I could kiss you.”

“Yeah, you don’t need to do that.”

*

When Manny stepped into the dim light of the motel courtyard he pressed his back against the door of his room and took a steadying breath. The pleasant buzz of alcohol had started to creep towards a messy blur. He wasn’t a young man anymore, drinking every night on leave. When was the last time he’d had a drink?

Manny scrubbed his face, pressing the heels of his hands into his eyes in the hopes of stopping the feeling of the world rocking around him. Or at least stop it enough to keep from being violently sick on his own doorstep.

Other than the horrible feeling inside his skull, Manny Vargas felt… good. Better than he had done in weeks. His cheeks were sore from laughing, his throat ached from talking, but his heart soared. The warm feeling in his chest was more than just alcohol. It was nostalgic, being back with the Khans. Their songs were just the same as Manny remembered. All cheering and dancing and swinging eachother around. Not even the man in the checkered suit sitting sourly in the corner could dispel the feeling of joy in that room.

And tomorrow they’d be gone. He sighed into his hands.

“You okay Manny?”

Manny lifted his head to see McMurphy leaning against one of the posts that held up the balcony, cigarette between his fingers.

“Uh, yeah,” The alcohol made his tongue heavy in his mouth, “Yeah I’m… okay.”

“You sure?”

Manny pushed away from the door and made towards the post opposite McMurphy’s. He wrapped an arm around it and then remembered himself, straightening up to lean more casually and not like a total lightweight.

“I just needed some air,” he said.

McMurphy watched him out the corner of his eye, and even in the dark Manny could see the twitch of his lips smirking upwards. He brought the cigarette to his lips and sucked, the tip glowed ember.

“Me too,” McMurphy’s words came out in a curl of smoke.

They stood there in silence, nothing but stale smoke drifting between them. It had been a long time since Manny had talked with McMurphy. Going on ten years now. He remembered that leather jacket, before it was so beaten and soft, recognised old patches and paint under the new. McMurphy, like Jessup, was exactly as Manny had left him, but at the same time an entirely different man. Like a faded photo. Tired and worn but familiar.

“Do you remember when we climbed around in those old buildings, back in Vegas?” Manny asked.

“When we hopped rooftops when we got in trouble with your mom?” McMurphy chuckled, “Yeah, I remember.”

Manny snorted, “Oh man, after I ‘donated’ one of her old world plates as target practice. I thought she was gonna kill me!”

“So did we,” McMurphy flicked ash from his cigarette, still smiling, “Here I thought Khan moms were scary.”

Manny laughed again and fell into an easy, comfortable quiet. He glanced over at McMurphy, who was staring skywards. Manny followed his gaze to the millions upon billions of stars up above. It was what he missed the most after Mr House took Vegas back from the Khans. Maybe the Khans survived House’s onslaught of securitrons and bankrolled gangs, but the night sky did not. The stars never shone the same after he switched on the lights. Manny didn’t have the head for science to understand why, but even out here the sky was never quite the same. 

“Can you still read the stars?” Manny asked absently.

“‘Course” McMurphy replied, Manny could still hear the smile on his lips, “Harder closer to Vegas but, I can still see what I need. Always know my way home.”

Home. That’s what he missed. A home he could never go back to, with a night sky he’d never see again. Home was what the Khans had. Wherever they pitched that night, that was home. And here he could feel it, their warmth and joy and love despite it all. Novac had none of that, not anymore, not since House, not since the NCR, not since Carla. Manny’s home was gone. Like his family, his friends, his night sky, all gone. 

“You okay man?” McMurphy’s gentle voice drifted to him like smoke on the wind.

Manny’s eyes prickled and he could feel hot tears on his cheeks. Goddamn it. He scrubbed them away with the back of his hand. But he was already caught.

“Yeah. I’m fine.”

The quiet from McMurphy stretched on and Manny’s cheeks burnt hot with shame. His head swam with alcohol and his heart ached. It hurt! A burning pain that tightened his throat and forced a sob from his mouth when he tried to laugh it off. The gravel crunched under McMurphy’s boots as he closed the gap between them and wrapped his strong arms around Manny without hesitation. And Manny cried. He couldn’t remember the last time he did. He cried and McMurphy held him close, rubbing circles into his back and shushing him gently. 

McMurphy smelt of clean sweat, leather and cigarettes, with just an undertone of amber. He was taller than Manny, and his jacket was soft and worn. Manny wrapped his arms gingerly around his chest as he tried to get his breathing under control and not snivel all over the friend he hadn't seen in a decade.  

“It’s just so-- shit,” Manny managed.

“Tell me about it,” McMurphy said.

“I keep screwing things up. I feel like I-- I threw away everything and for what? A shit job, no friends, my family hates me! I wake up every day and I think is-- is this it?! Is this all I have left? One shitty hotel room and twelve hours of standing around on my own?” Manny rambled, “Okay-- I had one friend here. One! But his wife hates me so he’s barely allowed to talk to me and now she’s taken off back to Vegas and he thinks I ran her out of town! Is this it?”

“C’mon man, you’re barely thirty. You’ll be fine,” McMurphy pulled back, his hands on Manny’s shoulders, forcing Manny to look at him, “I promise. You’ll be ok.”

“I just…” Manny sighed, “I feel like I’ve wasted all my chances. I fucked things up with Vegas, I tried to have my cake and eat it too with the Khans and-- you know what happened there. And then the only good thing I did in the army was… leave.”

“Yeah, and it takes guts to do that,” McMurphy said, “Look, Manny, you think anyone else in that room can say they’ve done all the things you have? Anyone in this town? You’ve been a son, a raider, a soldier, a citizen, a guard-- all before you got even one grey hair. Not even that beat-up old ranger can say that.”

“But--” 

McMurphy prodded Manny square in the chest, just over his heart, “You got guts, and you got skills. Ain’t nothing else you need. You want friends? Well you got one right here--” McMurphy pointed a thumb at himself, “and I know Jesse’s always gonna have your back no matter what.” 

Manny scrubbed his eyes on the sleeve of his sweater. This time, when he laughed, he didn’t stop by accident, “Hey. Good to know we’re still friends.”

“Sure we are.”

“Even after everything?” 

“Even after everything.”

*

Manny woke with a strip of light in his eyes and a weight on his chest. It would be more pleasant if his head wasn’t throbbing. Manny scrunched his eyes up to block out as much of the morning sun as possible as he tried to think of the name of who he was in bed with. It wasn’t unusual, he’d taken men to bed before. Passers-by mostly, someone he wouldn’t have to look in the eye every time they bumped into each other in the gift store. He’d learnt his lesson there.

Then the night before started to creep into Manny’s memory. The Khans who came to stay.

“Shit,” Manny hissed to himself. He peaked down at the arm draped over his chest. McMurphy. Okay, McMurphy being in bed with him was a good sign. He had the integrity to refuse any drunken kissing from Manny, at least. Especially in a room full of other Khans. Manny squeezed his eyes shut and prayed to any god that would listen that he didn’t embarrass himself last night.

“Hey hey wakey wakey baby, about time too. I just sent your hair-challenged friend off with a line about you powdering your nose,” Benny called over, making little effort to keep his voice down, “But before you go, how abouts you wake up one of your pals so we can split before the heat sets in.”

Manny scrubbed the sleep from his eyes, only half understanding the words that had just spilt from Benny’s mouth, “You saw Boone?”

“Boon, is it? Not sure if he really looked like a boon I’d want. Unless what I wanted was a plank of wood.” Benny huffed smoke out the door, squinting into the rising sun, “What time did your shift start anyhoo?”

“Shit.”

Manny tossed away the covers and shot from the bed. McMurphy groaned beside him, covering his head with the arm Manny had abandoned. First Manny looked for his clothes, only to find that he had fallen asleep still wearing them. All save for his boots, which were neatly paired at the end of his bed. Manny plopped his ass on the bed and shoved his feet into his boots, pushing away the vague recollections of McMurphy prying the boots off him as Manny drunkenly insisted on sleeping with them on. 

Great. The first time seeing his childhood friends in years and he’d gotten drunk and acted the fool. What else can go wrong today? What about angering Boone even more? Sounds just perfect.

Manny gave up on his laces, standing up and setting a ginger hand on McMurphy’s shoulder. McMurphy made another sound that could have meant anything from “What do you want?” to “Go away”.

“Hey man, listen. I gotta go but-- thanks for last night. I really mean it. I hope I see you again soon, okay?”

He hoovered for half a second as McMurphy shifted, rubbing grit from his eyes. Before the man could wake up fully, Manny leant down and pressed a kiss to his temple. Then he straightened and fled from the room, pushing past Benny to run towards the dinosaur.

“Manny?” McMurphy croaked.

Benny blew smoke out the door again, watching Manny half jog, half stumble in his unlaced boots, “He’s gone, pal.”

[dietmountaindewbae]

Alex's dick being too big and he doesn't want to hurt you so her prevents you from going all the way down when your riding him but when he's asleep you get really horny and try to wait but u can't so you ride him when he's sleeping and u go all the way down and he wakes up to quiet sniffles and sobs and mouns and whining coming from you because it hurts so fuckin bad but feels so good then he starts degrading you and telling you how your so desperate for him cause you couldnt wait.

It's a lot ik but it's all I could think about this past week 🙈

xiv. trash magic

alex turner x reader

anonymous requests

word count: 4906

summary: You met (early 2018) Alex at the casino through a dating app

warnings: bruises, bite marks, pa!n k!nk.

song recommendation: trash magic by lizzy grant

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*⋆ ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*⋆ 

The clock on your phone tells you it's time, you glanced at each door, fixing your dress, putting powder on your nose and lip gloss on your lips, and you waited impatiently for his arrival, there were no new messages, no missed phone calls, you were under the impression he always was on time for everything, but a few minutes had gone by and he wasn't there, maybe you were exaggerating.

"Looking for someone, baby doll?" You turned your face and smiled at him.

"Hi" Your voice trembled, this was actually happening, "It's nice to meet you"

"Woah, you look gorgeous" He took a moment to take all of you in, the features of your face, the shape of your lips, the color of your eyes and cheeks, the texture of your hair, and the dress you wore leaving enough for the imagination, "Follow me, I got us a table" He grabbed your hand, signing you to follow him, your heart was at its pick, you felt nervous as fuck, he has noticed your hand was shaking, your breathing was short, he glanced at you up and down as he ordered the elevator, "First time doing this, right?" He sounded so confident, and you shrugged.

"I-I mean... n-no... yes" You confessed, you had tried that dating app your friend had told you to use, if you wanted someone to constantly give your gifts, take you out to dinner to a place you could only see the inside thru the glass, take you out shopping, and spoil you, you ought to sign in to Honey & Sugar, a website for men who looked for a sugar baby, you had to be 18 at least, and on your birthday while drunk you signed in.

"It's ok, doll, I think you and I will get along pretty well" The doors opened, and he walked you down a hallway, he had invited you to a hotel, swearing they had the best drinks in the bar, you trembled when he opened the door of a hotel room, thoughts were quick to appear on your head, "This is my place" He opened the door of a huge penthouse filled with couches, a huge TV, a big living room, and dinner table, there was even a piano, it was the size of your house, all in one floor, it was elegant, and cozy at the same time.

"Wait... your place?" You asked him, does that mean...

"Oh yeah, I'm the hotel owner... I have this to myself, I spend a lot of time here... so why not have a place here as well? A second home for me," You felt like you hit the lottery with that man, he wasn't like you thought, he had a profile picture with his friend, and you weren't sure who out of the two of them was Alex, but God, he was a handsome man, his long hair and beard suited him perfectly, his elegant night suit, black was his color, his eyes were dark and moody, you wonder what could he be thinking.

"It's wonderful," You said to him, you were in awe by the amount of room it had.

"And if you love this, look outside" He opened the glass door of his balcony, and outside there was dinner for two, the view of the streets of LA, and the moon shining right behind the table, he smiled at you, he loved how that pink silk dress hugged your body so perfectly, and your knee socks, they were a bit junior but he loves the way they fit you, "What do you think?"

"I'm blown away" You giggled as he pulled a chair out for you.

"Dinner is served," You felt like the lady and the tramp with a bowl of spaghetti and meatballs on your plate, "Not the fanciest but you said pasta never goes wrong" He pulled out a chair for you.

"And I was right, wasn't I?" He sat in front of you twisting his fork in the plate.

When he said you would get along well, you never expected it to go so well, like that plate of wine and pasta, both complemented each other well, he never forced you to talk about anything of your private life, even though to know someone you have to have a little trust, and he inspires you that, it was so easy to talk with him, he listened, and laughed, jokes around, he was a humble man, when you get to the top everyone expects you to be cocky about it, but he never changed his personality, honest, and kind-hearted, he was confident but it wasn't confused with cockiness, he wasn't as fluent when he tried to explain to you something complexed but you listened closely as he looked so cute explaining things he was passionate about.

He was blown away by you, you were brilliant, and funny, kind, and understanding, you were very mature for your age, when he was yours he never wanted to hear anyone's advice and just did what he thought, tried, and failed until he eventually settled down and got his shit together, you, on the other hand, were just finishing high school, packing your stuff for college, talking about the future with him was helpful, you've never met anyone as wise as he was, and his way of speaking was just like poetry, you were quick to fall for him.

After dinner, he excused himself to grab a cigarette from his coat, you stood up, your hands ran on his waist, hugging him from behind, this making his heart melt instantly for you, your doe eyes taking the worse out of him, he embraces you, his arms around your shoulders as you see how little everything looked from above, while he looked down at your flushed cheeks, and nose from the cold air, when you look up at him, he finds you so attractive, he caressed your cheek, running his thumb thru your bottom lip, you smiled nervously, you were too shy to be even touched like this, even if it wasn't much.

"You've never done summat like this before, have you?" You said no with your head, "You want this?"

"I do," You said looking at his eyes, sweet like honey.

"You want me?" Your arms looped around his big shoulders, he took out the smoke from his mouth, and you inhaled the dense air into your mouth, he shut the space in between you, his warm lips tasted like wine, and his cigarettes, it was so intoxicating and addictive, his lips were eager, while you tried to keep it cool, your heart beat against him, he could feel how you tried to let go as he deepened the kiss, slipping his tongue inside your mouth, caressing your hair, pulling you closer to him by the hip, eventually you let go, forgot about everything, the ground you were standing up on, the place that you were, suddenly your head was up in the clouds, floating, and enjoying the taste of his lips until you eventually let go of his lips.

"Why don't you stay?... we can make the night last longer" Your eyes spark and you nod, he wraps his arm around your waist, his hand landing on your lower hip, your heart speeds of anticipation, you weren't sure what was going to happen, or even if you were ready.

He walked you into his room with golden lights, hand on hip, peppering your cheek with tiny ticklish kisses, he sat on his leather couch and pulled you into his lap with no struggle, "Do you feel like having a small treat, babe?"

"I don't know, what do you have in mind for me?" You whispered into his ear with your soft voice.

"I have a lot of things in mind for you" He drawled, his eyes so magnetic and dark, "But for now..." Served on a silver platter there was some rich dark chocolate and fresh strawberries for dessert, he turned his music up, and you thanked him as you fetched the champs glass from him, he sat you back on his lap, and you leaned forward to grab a strawberry but he stopped you, taking one for you, putting it between your teeth, signing you to bite, and he smiled at you when he saw you chewing it, "Take another bite" He insists dipping the strawberry in the chocolate, his thumb had some chocolate on it too, you licked the remaining leftover on his thumb making him sigh content, "You must be really hungry still right?"

"Very" You pecked him on the lips, and he dipped one more in the chocolate, you closed your eyes, humming as you bit the strawberry off his fingers, he traced his thumb over your lips, his index, and middle on your neck, pulling your chin down to kiss you roughly, his tongue lapping over yours, tasting your heavenly mouth, you were gasping for air as he deepened the kiss, he shifts you to sit directly on his lap, startling him between your legs, his hands dropping to your ass and gripping it roughly.

"You have what I want right here," His hand sneaked between your legs, into your panties feeling the wet patch you left, "And I bet is even tastier than just some strawberries... listen, little girl, I'm gonna show you how real men do it," He shifts your underwear to the side, his fingers playing with your clit roughly, you stifled your moans, feeling the angst and the nerves fulling your blood system.

"Yes, please..." You sighed, he got lazy with the pace, you saw it on his face, you missed one crucial word, the one that began everything, "Daddy..." He pulled your dress up to your waist to finally have complete access to you, he pushed one finger inside you, and your walls were so tight and warm.

"Fuck, you're so tight baby, got all wet since I kissed you, I knew you loved it" You sighed trying to get his finger to reach deeper, "You like this? do you need more babe?" He drawled taking his finger out of you and rubbing your clit in circles.

"Oh... daddy, please give me more" He used his index and middle finger to fuck your little pussy, it was so wet for him it was unbelievable, you complain a little about the stretching on your walls but shortly you got used to it, and it began to feel more enjoyable as you grind your hips into his fingers.

"Make yourself feel good babe, then I'll take you to bed" You whimpered, you were more than ready to take him, even felt excited, but first you wanted to return back the pleasure he was giving you, your hand stroked his cloathed cock, he was stiff and long, thick, it would definitely hurt once inside you but you were prepared, "Playin' round with me I see" You purred a yes, shuffling your hand inside his trousers feeling every inch of him completely, he spread his legs open, and rests his head back on the couch as you began to jerk him off slowly, the tension was growing hotter as you kept grinding against his groin, the veins on his neck popping up to the surface, your lips were content to attack his neck with kisses, softly nibbling on a spot that made him groan loudly, you thought you had hurt him, you pulled your mouth away thinking you had hurt him.

"I'm-" His hand brushed against the bruise you had left him, but instead of getting angry he smiled at you.

"You're eager, aren't you doll?" You softly smiled, "Don't be sorry, It's ok" He said just as if he could read your mind, your heart began to pump faster as he inched closer to your ear, leaving ticklish kisses on it, "You're so beautiful" He pushed his hips up, his boner brushing against your cloathed clit making you moan softly, "You don't need this anymore... take your clothes off for me, do as daddy tells you" You pulled away from his warmth, he turned you around helping you with the zip of your dress, watching slide down carefully revealing your naked back, you pulled away sliding down the straps of your dress, and the straps of your bra fell down your arms to the floor along with your white knickers, your big eyes glistened with the lights, the golden cross on your collarbone being the only thing left in your body, and you looked so innocent, exposed, fragile, your skin was smooth, he couldn't see a single flaw in your body, he stared at it in awe, you watched as a spark appeared on his eye, but you weren't as comfortable with the nudity of your body, you didn't look at it the way he did, it was so penetrating, you hugged your body with your arms, "No, don't" He said standing up from the couch, "If I could have you like this all day,"

"You can have me any day, daddy" His heart melts into your hands as you talked, "Keep me," You said, he caressed your face, like a little puppy he held you in his arms, taking you to bed, your back landing on the silk bedsheets, he ran his fingers down your hair, and you closed your eyes as an instinct, he kissed your tenderly, his chapped lips so heavenly.

"I'll take care of you just fine doll, you'll be loyal to me, right?"

"Yes, daddy," You said with no doubt, "I don't need anybody else but you"

"Mmm, I love the sound of that," He touched your golden cross, and he smiled, "Strict household I see...you're far away from there now, you won't need this anymore" He carefully took your necklace away, "You're lost little girl, I can shelter you, I can take care of you... always," His words were the ones you needed to hear, now that you had him, you knew nothing was gonna be missing, your plate was full, and your heart had healed, he had worked you up just about enough now, and a part of you wasn't ready to see his enormous size, you trembled, "Too much for you, doll?"

"I've- never... I've never gotten this far" You admitted.

"I gotta warn you, it's gonna hurt for a minute... if you're not ready, tell me, it doesn't matter to me... what matters is that you're with me, and I promise if you do, nothing's gonna hurt you, baby, I can wait, besides... there are other options for me to make you feel so good" You hummed.

"Show me, please daddy" He smirked so evilly, and he slowly descends kissing your belly and spreading your legs open, he spat in your sensitive spot, shivers crawled up your spine, he licked a bold stripe, and he pushed his fingers inside you, the stretching felt so good now but it was nothing compared to what he had, but it was all you thought you could handle for now, he pressed his tongue down on your clit, his beard tickling between your legs, all the sensations mixing so well, it didn't take long until you were pulling on his hair, your legs were uncontrollably shaking, and you were set free, sweating and panting, "Fuck darlin', you taste so good, came for daddy so well, you're my good girl" You kissed him sloppily, he giggled at how happy he just made you, your whole body was tired, and he laid you down on the bed gently, "I think it's bedtime for you and me"

He stood up, and took his clothes off in front of you, he discarded his belt to the side, along with his other clothes, and you could see the outline of his dick on his Calvin's, you bit down on your lower lip.

"See sommat you like, babe?" He made you giggle, he covered your body on the bedsheets and he tag along with you.

"I'm sorry, daddy," You said to him, you were ashamed, you had given him one of the most uncomfortable boners, but he waved it off.

"Don't matter, it'll be gone in a minute or two" He left a small kiss on your forehead, "Sleep, you must be tired, right?" You nodded, cuddling closer to him, back pressed against his chest, you pressed yourself closer to him, "Hmmm, you won't make things easy for me if you rub yourself up like that" You giggled, and the lights went off, you took a distance, and you closed your eyes to sleep, but your mind kept looping around an idea, you were ready, if he was capable of making you finish with just using his tongue and fingers, God, what else could he do? what else could he show you? maybe you should take the initiative, surprise him, and show him how good can you be too.

At around 3 in the morning, you woke up again, feeling a dull ache between your legs, the ideas, the images, what had you seen, what he could do, what could he feel like, everything was pilling up for you, and you once felt a heat no one else could extinguish but him, you rubbed yourself closer to him, his breathing warm against your ear, you could feel he still was a little stiff, you were eager, and you began to grind your ass close to his groin just like you did in the couch, you remembered how much did he enjoy that, he began to get stiff again, but what else could you do, you grabbed your phone, taking advice from a friend, she had more experience, and you wanted to make him feel just as good, she said to wake him up, giving him some head, you didn't know exactly how to do that, you watched a few videos thinking you could mimic the movements of the other girls, and when you felt like you could do it, you put yourself up for the test.

Your hands slowly descend down his body, he groaned in his sleep when you stroked his dick thru the sheets, you smiled at his frown, he looked so cute with his eyes closed, and his eyebrows pushed together like that, you climbed on top of him, taking the blanked off his body, and carefully pushing your warm hands inside his boxers, you took it out, your hand lightly stroking his dick up and down, and you licked his tip with your tongue, going in small circles, he slowly began to wake up from his slumber.

"Babe-" His voice raspy, and heavy with sleep, "God, what are you doin'?" His heartbeat began to speed, his cock getting harder as you stroked him.

"I wanted to help you, daddy... make up for it," You said, your whispering echoing in his head, you gulped before you took him in your mouth, you fitted in what you thought you could handle, he gasped, and moaned loudly, "Am I doing good?"

"So fuckin' good, babe, you really wanna make me feel good, huh?" You nodded clinging to every word he tells you, "Spit on it," He said, you mimicked the way he did it when he went down on you, a string of warm saliva glistening with the cool light of the moon, "Fuck... just like that, now spread it" You took your hand and pumped him up and down, you didn't know if you were doing correctly but he seemed to enjoy it, "Take it inside your mouth like a big girl, can you do that?" You said yes with your head, and you opened your mouth as wide as you could, taking him inside, "Mmmm, now move your head up and down," You bopped your head up and down for a few moments, you were doing it fast, "Hollow your cheeks, suck it" He panted with his dark and raspy voice, you hummed and hollowed your cheeks like he said, "Mmm fuck babe, just like that, you're doin' so good, you're making daddy feel so good," You sucked harder with each time, it was mindblowing to him how close he felt now, he pushed your head up, you mouth making a loud pop, "Babe, slow down... let daddy enjoy it" You took it slower, in a more calm pace hearing him hum in satisfaction, you moaned around him, "Do you like sucking daddy's cock?"

"Yeah, I do daddy" You sounded so confident now, he had the idea of a more shy you but now that both of your feelings have been revealed, he liked this more confident and bratty side of you, "Are you close, daddy?"

"Very... you're making me so proud, babe girl, get daddy to finish, show me" You speed up your pace once more, sucking harder, bopping your head slowly, swirling your tongue around his dick focusing more on the head, that was his sweet spot, it made him lose control, and he pulled your hair as he came inside your mouth hot and heavy, "Swallow daddy's cum" He ordered, you took a deep breath in, your heart was rapidly beating, and you swallowed his release, "That's a good girl," You crawled to him, your silky hair made a mess, a soft pout on your lips, he lightly pecked them since you didn't give him the opportunity to kiss them as rough as he wanted, he was still dazed with sleep, but you needed more, you sat directly on his cock once more, it was still stiff, you felt ready, you wanted him more than anything, and the need over the pain you would feel was bigger, you grabbed his dick and pressed it against your entrance, you wimpered at the stretch, it was really painful at the beginning, you were sure about to give up, he heard your little sniffs, and weeping, "Babe-" He opened his eyes and watched your eyes water, as you finally had managed to fit all of him inside you, your whole body fell down, and he held you in his chest, "Are you ok, angel?"

"Y-Yes, daddy" You whimpered, "I'm ok" Your voice sounded so fragile against his ear.

"God, babe, you never stop to impress me, and for fucks sake you feel so fuckin' tight, so wet for me... you make daddy so fuckin' happy, but you gotta be careful, I don't wanna hurt you"

"You won't, just g-give me a moment, please daddy" His fingertips grazed your back up and down as you tried to compose yourself, softly humming in your ear the song that played on his stereo, and when you felt ready, you put your hands on his chest, moving your hips back and forward very carefully but more sure, "Ugh, fuck... it feels s-so good" You shivered as you felt him so deep inside you, it felt wonderful, finally you understood what was that you were missing out on.

"I can feel you, and you feel so lovely babe," He helped you guide your movements, slowly picking up a pace you enjoyed, and most of all you felt comfortable with, your body was covered by a wave of goosebumps in places you didn't even know you could get, he rocks you back and forward, "Couldn't wait to get it all inside you, darlin'?"

"You're so b-big" You lost control over your movements, Alex grinding your hips against his body, holding you for dear life, gripping your skin until it bruised, but you didn't care, you loved to have the reminder of how good was he making you feel, he heard your moaning, he entered a magical trance, your lips attached to his, and he lost control of his movements, but you didn't care, you encouraged them, "Go faster, p-please daddy" You begged, he bends his knees, pressing you up to his chest, and pounded your little hole over and over again, your legs were trembling as you felt closer, "I love it," You said, as you hold on to his chest, you dig your teeth into his shoulder, he moaned as he felt your walls tighten, clenching around his tightly.

"Babe, I-I'm gonna cum," You giggled, and whispered to his ear.

"Cum inside me, please, daddy" Your weak voice was all that he needed to hear to burry himself inside you, covering your insides with his hot release, and you covered his cock with your juicy release, both panting as you came down from that high, "I love you, daddy" You quietly said, but he heard it loud and clear.

"I love you too, my babe, you're daddy's girl" You hummed, he left you tired, and worn out, but happy, and most of all in love. He holds you in his big arms, pulling out of you slowly, you whimpered at the feeling of emptiness, but your heart was full of him, "Let's get you cleaned up," He carried you to the bathroom, legs wrapped around his strong torso, he sat you on the sink, and damped a towel to clean you up, he did it in the most caring way possible, "Do you feel ok? Nothing is hurting or anything, you need to tell me honey, I don't wanna-"

"I had a great time, I'm ok daddy, cross my heart" You did a small cross on your chest and gave him a bright smile, he gave you privacy to go to the bathroom and when you looked in the mirror you saw your runny makeup, but somehow you felt like you were glowing, later on, you joined him in the bed, spending the rest of the night cuddled up to him, you felt sheltered in his arms.

⚬✧˖ °☾☼

The sun rises behind the curtains, you roll on the sheets of the comfortable bed, you quickly realized you woke up alone, in the bed, you patted the spot next to you, yesterday you felt on cloud nine, and he was gone like pure magic. You had thought of everything that could possibly go wrong, but suddenly as you were trying to find your clothes you heard someone had closed the door, and footsteps coming your way, and he quietly opened up the door to find you sitting on the bed with a frown.

"Did I wake you up, my love?" The look on your face said everything, he walked up to you caressing your cheek, and you snatched your face away, but he redirected it, his thumb on your chin, "What's wrong?"

"Nothin'," You said, crossed arms, he eyes you up and down, he looked so powerful dressed with his big coat, and stripped button-up shirt, he saw right thru you.

"Oh, come on, tell me," You moved your head from side to side, and he tickled your sides, you couldn't escape him, and you couldn't stop laughing, he pinned you down on the bed, he left a small kiss on your nose as he looked at you up and down, "You're gorgeous, I like it more when you smile at me, be honest, you can tell me"

"I just... thought that... you had left me," You spoke, he laid next to you, you couldn't believe you were still naked, you covered your body with your arms but he took them away, "I can't spend the rest of the day naked, Alex" You joked.

"Yes, you can, don't ever think I would do such a thing, the only reason I left early was to get you a lil somethin'" From his back pocked he reached to grab a black velvet box, you smiled at him, "Do the honors" You opened the small box, and inside there was a golden chain, his golden chain.

"But... this is yours, Alex" He moved his head from side to side, putting his golden chain around your neck.

"It's yours, I just wanted to find a good box to put it in, wrap it up for you... everyone's gotta know that you belong to me, no one else, just you" Your cheeks painted dark crimson, no one else had done something like this for you, "And... I got some other things for you" He grabbed your hands and let you outside to his living room, you saw two channel boxes, along with other bags of clothing you had never thought you would ever get, "Went on a little shopping spree, got somethings for me girl," You gasped as you saw the most gorgeous pair of heels, and boots you would ever own.

"This is vintage channel! How did you?-"

"Karl's an old friend of mine, when I talked to him about you he knew exactly what to give me," He kneels to put the heels on, perfect fit, "Only the best for my princess," You gave him a big kiss on the lips as a thank you, but it turned deeper, sexier, and erotic, it caused him shivers, "Still in the mood?"

"Always for you, daddy"

A/N hope you didn't miss me much, sorry for not updating in a while, i wanted to say sorry beforehand as well, i won't be updating as much as i did before :(( some serious family business happened recently, i'm ok tho! i can't focus a lot of me rn, i have bigger responsibilities to take care of, but i won't be gone forever, this isn't the last you will hear of me any time soon, just sit tight ladies i'll be coming back soon. i love you and thank you for the comments and support!

note to anonymous: hope you didn't mind i changed things up a little, enjoy thank you for the request and reading!

  ∧,,,∧ ( ̳• · • ̳) / づ♡ I love you

[fiddles-ifs]

GREENWARDEN UPDATE: 3-1-23

Since I'll take any excuse to work less, play more, I always try and take February off my usual update schedule. This makes March something of a hefty update month, which is good! However, I didn't want to leave people hanging, so instead I'll leave you all with a snippet for a certain, highly specific path for the next update.

Under the cut for length! Content warnings for blood and violence. The usual.

The night is slow — the regulars file in like tired dogs, covered in grease-stained overalls and jumpsuits, shedding camo jackets and hats, throwing them over stools. They settle in with the same wheezy whine. Most work in the coal mines and natural gas wells. Long journeyed people from Texas or South Carolina, gone in a year or two; they form their cliques away from the mechanics, carpenters, contractors, and Warden natives. Both groups, you notice, give a wide berth to the lumber yard workers.

You can see their haunted eyed, glassy stares from miles away. They’re like headlights. Even the bartender seems reluctant to serve them. They sit, exiled, at a table that seems specially purposed for them and say nothing. When they want another round — and there are a lot of them — they send an emissary up to the bar. You make a note of the time. They could be useful. People who spend a lot of time in woods like these tend to have stories, and you know that look.

Hopefully you can keep PIRA away from them for now.

It’s the bar rush — or something adjacent to it. It’s not full, but now that peoples’ wives and girlfriends have slipped in, there’s more talking and happier songs filtered through the jukebox. The bell over the door hasn’t jingled in almost an hour, and you figure it won’t until people start filing out. You check your watch. Almost seven — and the sun has sunk behind the mountains. At least, you think so.

You’ve been getting progressively drunker, a little louder and more sullen. Still in control. Still good. But the world is fuzzy around the edges and your cheeks are warm. The fish bowl is quiet, for once, even if the bar patrons are starting to inch away from you.

It isn’t long before you feel a shadow fall over your shoulder, a warning blink before you’re immediately accosted with a very loud hey. It’s loud enough it catches the bartender’s attention and hurts your ear. You rub the side of your head with your palm. Soothing the ache. Already halfway murderous, you turn your head to look at whoever is trying oh-so-politely to get your attention.

He’s a broadly built man, about six foot, and not much older than you; his high-and-tight is still a deep, dark, coal black and there’s only a few wrinkles around his eyes — but you can see the telltale puffiness of prolonged alcoholism in his cheeks and nose. A little bit of flab settling into the hard lines of his body. He’s wobbling, more than a little drunk, and flanked by similarly large and sturdily built men.

He just screams cop.

“You been snooping around like a fuckin’ rat,” he says, “asking questions, makin’ people uncomfortable, right where you don’t fuckin’ belong. Who do you think you are?”

“Jim-“ The bartender goes to step in. Tries to. He gets in your space, knocking her half-hearted hands out of the way to crowd you against your stool.

“Naw, Cal, I’m over this little prick.”

>YOU CAN'T HELP THE SMILE. THEY HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THEY'RE DEALING WITH.

A vile, razor smile creeps up your face like a disease. Your legs follow, unfolding bit by bit. Almost a full head taller than Jim and his townies. “Little, huh?”

Your feet slide into place easily; it’s a familiar dance. You love the steps, the choreography, the aftermath.

You’ve never felt more alive than in the middle of a fight.

“Jim,” Cal’s voice is hard from behind the stick, a shield making her a little braver, “you know the rules.”

Both of you stare like snarling dogs at the ends of their chains; you watch Jim debate with himself, addled and stumbling. Whatever rules exist at McNeil’s, Jim decides they’re worth breaking. For the thrill, if nothing else.

You watch his punch come in from miles away. He’s a heavy hitter — slow and clumsy.

You let it breathe just a little too close to your face, stepping into its wild arc. You fist finds the soft meat between ribs. Once. Twice. Something threatens to snap. His ribs, the tension, something else.

Chaos reigns.

Jim backs up and gags, wretching for air just as someone tries to jump in. You redirect their arm, throwing them across the bar into the delicate fridge full of pop and water bottles. Glass shatters. Someone is screaming. Someone is laughing.

You pick up a stool and smash it into a face; you don’t even know if they were coming or running away. This is what you were made for, molded into. The blood makes a primal, predator part of your brain start slobbering. The sound of breaking glass and cracking bones become a restless cacophony. Different bars, different prey. You lose yourself in the memories, becoming a whirlwind, getting sloppy, a hungry animal set lose on a pack of house-trained dogs.

A hand grabs your shoulder and spins you around. You almost stab whoever it is (no knife in your hand, what were you thinking?) before they punch you in the face. You recognize the knuckle taste even as you hit the floor. Bautista.

He hits you again just for good measure when you start sitting up. Pain explodes up your mouth and rattles behind your eyes; you taste new pennies. Your head lolls limply when he grabs you by the shirt and jacket and drags your sorry ass out of McNeil’s. People throw things. Someone wolf whistles at Bautista’s retreating back.

YOU'RE STILL LAUGHING, EARS RINGING, SWALLOWING BLOOD.

[randomvarious]

Today's mix:

Nite:Life 05 by Nick Holder 2001 Deep House / House / Future Jazz

Goddamn, this is far and away the best thing I've heard from this Nite:Life series so far, and legitimately one of the nicest deep house mixes I've probably ever heard in my life, period. Toronto native Nick Holder's been a terrific house producer since the mid-90s—see "Da Sambafrique" for just one example—and he also has a DJ career that dates back more than a decade further than that too. And with this Nite:Life release from 2001, he managed to lay down a fantastic set of jazz-infused goodness here.

Now, we all remember those glorious early-to-mid-2010s years when all that sax-laced deep house was seriously popping off, right? Bangers like Klingande's "Jubel" and such? Well, those years may have represented jazzy deep house's brightest moment in the sun, overall, but this stuff was going hard in the dance underground for a long time prior to that, and Holder here serves up a dope selection of some gems from 2000 and 2001, including a couple of his own, like the spectacular "Beyond Your Dreams," which draws this suddenly thick line of saxy haze satisfaction over a sensual, Brazilian-flavored shuffle 😌.

And you know who else is on here? Atlanta's Chris Brann, who is known best for that "King of My Castle" joint from the 90s as Wamdue Project, but here, he's got something called "Maria" as Wam Kidz, remixed by a duo called New Music Movement. And it's just fuckin' phenomenal when we've got the beat, the vocal, the keys, and this little p-funky siren-type synth sound all going simultaneously. Like, Jesus, dude; seriously, what a bop.

And truthfully, this mix really should've ended with the near-eight minutes of Solar House's excellent "Angel," which comes with a delightfully extended keyboard solo in its final third, but then Nick tacks on some unbeatable future jazz from Jazzanova too, who get remixed by Japanese duo Kyoto Jazz Massive on "Fedime's Flight." Tremendous song, but it has no real house qualities to it, so it doesn't really fit here, but I'm still by no means complaining about its inclusion.

So, a top-tier disc from the great Nick Holder here. Few things better in this world than jazzy deep house from around this time period in my book, and a whole lotta the tunes that ended up being chosen for this mix will show you why.

Listen to the full mix here.

Richard Worth - "Rise (Pikes Peak Mix)" The Rurals - "That Feelin (Savannah Remix)" Sandi Flores - "El Ray" Undercover Agency - "Outrun" Nick Holder - "Beyond Your Dreams" Nick Holder - "Inside Your Soul (Nick's Filtered Jazz)" 6400 Crew Present DJ Joeski - "Hustlers Revenge" Wam Kidz - "Maria (New Musical Movement Mix)" Marshall Jefferson - "Mushrooms (Mazi's Audio Soul Revival)" Solar House - "Angel" Jazzanova - "Fedime's Flight (Kyoto Jazz Massive Remix)"

[braimrotting]

My playlist as QSMP

(warning im shit at english lang so my interpretation of songs may be way off... im also ace and often miss romantic implication so.. yeah if a song has lyrics which are like about an s/o and i havent specified i probably dont mean for it to be shipping)

songs included: tongues & teeth (the crane wives), pink in the night (mitski), gb eating gb whilst listening to gb (crywank), going to brighton (fresh)

TONGUES & TEETH - The Crane Wives hideduo fit pov fit as a self serving survivalist from a wasteland experiencing love in this cursed fuckin island • "ive grown a mouth so sharp and cruel its all that i can give to you my dear" habits from 2b2t even little things like his lack of trust, hasnt confided his true intentions to anyone - constant lies by omission - hes flawed and hes recognised it • "if you're fine with that you can be mine like that" theres very much something going on with hideduo but fit is insistent on his baby steps bc he doesnt want to hurt pac. 'are you fine with that?' • "you gotta know that this wont last" this is soooo fit coded bffr. i adored the conversations fit n ramon had but one thing that stuck out to me was that he would always specify that only he and ramon would escape. never mentioned anyone else. selfish in the most understandable way • "i will ruin you, its a habit i cant help it" again 2b2t ingrained habits that never leave. linked w above point, hes selfish and that isnt necessarily a bad thing just not great for a blossoming relationship • "i will love u like the ashes in my cigarette box" hc 2b2t!fit smoked - ramon told him off once but now that the baby's gone hes picked it up again, a headcanon bc i cannot imagine ccfit smoking since hes such a health buff - feels so out of character lmao strong thoughts about qfit no one even try to fight me - his entire character occupies a space in my brain PINK IN THE NIGHT - Mitski phissa missa pov devotion easy • "i love you, i love you, i love you, i love you" • "can i try again and again and again" i dont think i need to say more - tbh this could go for guapoduo too but the "can i try again" made me think of missa + how he wants to live up to phils expectations

GB EATING GB WHILST LISTENING TO GB - Crywank phissa still missa pov

"in a busy room youre all i see" literally THEM sorry during the mexican independence event they were literally all they could see.. them doing the dance together - it may as well have just been the 2 of them + phil jumping in front of missa to take pics of him alone w/o him noticing

"calm down dont let her see how fast your heart is beating" missa saying "im speaking weird so the translator doesnt pick up, i love you" THIS GUYYYYYYYY

"i think about you but i know im not good enough" bffr mr missa "ill come back when im a good enough father" sinfonia

"and I built you up to much, now I can't say what's on my mind in case I go and scare you away" missa doesnt want to burden phil because he feels like hes been such a bad father compared to phils dedication - now that hes back he doesnt want to disappoint him anymore

"and how could i compete with the world at your feet" missa coming back to like 3 men at phils whim LMAO

"i wouldn't want to hurt you by letting you hurt me you don't deserve to feel guilty"

"i just want you in my life"

sorry im so obsessed with their puppy love GOING TO BRIGHTON - Fresh tubbo coded, i mean with the name i had to give it to him in my mind hes talkin to phil • "things i care the most about dont seem to ever get old" his excitement over everything even the simplest things is so refreshing • "i feel the fire inside me trains passing over head" his determination posing a unique threat to the feds and i feel like its such an important part of his character. also he likes trains :) • "there are things i learnt inside my head that they cant ever take away from me" lil bugs and just knowledge of the game make him a great bug tester for the admins lmao. this guy takes any chance to glitch his way through life

"starting over is a sign of strength"

also honorary mention to that one person who said the garden was codebreakerduo coded because you are so right and true and based and i think of that post everytime i listen to that song. being so normal by peach pit was very celltw (is that what pac and cellbit are called?) to me but i didnt really have much reasoning

[hanarchy]

top 5 skz songs to sing along to? and top 5 of your favorite dishes? and top 5 songs you’d like han jisungie to cover in full? sorry for sending fifty billion things i just love your insights and would love to hear your thoughts and opinions 💖

aah ana ilysm ok cracking my knuckles, lets go

top 5 skittles song to sing along to:

1. Topline (always and forever, i screamed so loud i nearly passed out)

2. Cheese (click clack, bang)

ur gonna laugh at me for the rest of these but

3. wolfgang (graaow we go wild)

4. gone away (ssshhh dont tell anyone that i like a skz ballad)

5. miroh (its a must, stray kids woo)

favorite dishes

1. bolognese pasta (am i 5? maybe)

2. bibimbap (i love how everyone makes it a little different, i love the variety of flavors, i love how indulgent it is without being super greasy)

3. frankfurter grüne soße (‘green sauce’ its technically a super simple dish, its usually just served with eggs and potatos. but its very specific.

theres herbs in it that are barely used nowadays, very old german cuisine vibes. and if you get the ratio exactly right and the herbs are in season it has such a delicate and specific flavor. a little sweet, a little mustardy, very refreshing. it’s hard to describe. also is excellent with white asparagus and young potatoes (in season at the same time) or surprisingly a really ripe avocado. anyway its hard to find most of the year in most of germany but since i am from frankfurt its a matter of pride)

4. sashimi or maybe a really good ceviche (i love raw fish but ceviche has become such a trend thing that its usually just not great here)

5. can i just say salad? like maybe its bc its getting hot but a really nice salad maybe with some haloumi or avocado or some grilled fish and some really nice bread is sooooo good.

ok top songs i want hanji to cover. now this is why i put this ask off for so long top 5 is SUCH a high bar to clear. ok that being said though i have some directions i would looooove him to explore.

(for convenience, a shortlist without my rambling:

1. kacey musgraves - golden hour/slow burn/ butterflies

2. the internet - get away | just sayin/i tried

3. paramore - misery business

4. arctic monkeys - leave before the lights come on/do me a favour

5. the strokes - is this it)

1. intimate acoustic guitar country songs like kacey musgraves did on golden hour (god i was obsessed with that album) this whole album has such a sunny warmth to it, and such a specific cleverness in the songwriting i think jisungs voice would just be so pretty on it. my top choices would be butterflies or golden hour or slow burn i think

2. jazzy, slow a little funky rnb like the internet used to make (rip to that band i will miss u forever) plus their breakup songs have a pettiness that just gels with jisungs vibes so well. i wouldnt really want a straight cover but like if he put some additional vocals and a little laid back rap verse on get away or just sayin/i tried uuuugh a perfect fuckin idea.

3. obvious one but paramore misery business but i would accept any of their like. earlier actually kinda emo stuff.

4. self indulgent but my favorite arctic monkeys song is leave before the lights come on i would LOVE to see what he does with that OR possibly do me a favour. again, petty but like… suuuuch great storytelling that i think would fit him

5. the strokes is this it idk i just think its a lazy existential dread/petty relationship sort of vibe that would fit him if he was allowed to make music like that lmao kind of similar vibe to those arctic monkeys songs but this is just the music i grew up on so i am biased

(if i could be self indulgent with songs that DONT fit him i would love to see him do patti smith because the night OR like. a fuckin hole song like doll parts OR theres this korean dj/producer(?) called cifika who did a remix for seulgis solo and i would loooooove to see him work with someone like that, her stuff has turned very futuristic and moody/dark lately OR because i cant /not/ mention him make the boy do tougher than the rest by bruce springsteen, it would be the cringiest fuckin thing in history and yet…. if he put his own production on it…. could be a vibe)

[agnisleftpec]

ok @akiizayoi4869 opened a can of worms by expressing mild, passing interest on my thoughts on the second half of book 3, so here's my Ramble

disclaimer, this is mostly just initial thoughts. i haven't gone through the Essay Analysis process for this, so there's bound to be holes in my interpretation here.

so 2 topics for this breakdown. 1st, zuko's narrative symbols and how i interpret them. 2nd, how those symbols play out in season 3 and a few gripes with season 3 in general.

this one's fuckin long, so buckle up

part 1, zuko's identity and its symbols

okay so the main symbols i tend to see are as follows: fire, swords, and the blue spirit mask. each represents a part of zuko's identity that is somehow at odds with each other at some point. fire is basically Prince of the Fire Nation. swords are who zuko is detatched from his nation. the blue spirit mask is selfishness and the Ozai mentality, as ive been calling it.

first, fire. pretty big for a symbol, i know. specifically for zuko, i think that fire represents zuko as the crown prince. and that comes with all the turmoil of prince zuko. it starts with being what he's been taught a prince is, following orders and being the loyal son, and ends with what he discovers a prince should be, a protector of his people, even if its from themselves. that mirrors the development of fire throughout the show as initially spooky scary big bad burning rage to actually it's life and love and rage and everything in between, and you have to know how to use it. zuko learning how to firebend without anger parallels him learning that being prince is more than what he was taught.

second, swords. and yes, this is distinct from the blue spirit mask. this is basically "just zuko." it's what zuko relies on when he's not a prince. when the prince can't do anything, "just zuko" can. its what he is when traveling the earth kingdom, basically nationless and without a higher identity to cling to. it's instinctual, something he's good at, and something he hides away because it's not becoming of a Prince to be "just zuko."

the most important aspects of this symbol come when they are used without the mask. in zuko alone, he uses the swords to defend innocent people from cruel soldiers. (he decidedly does not use the mask.) the one time zuko firebends while using his swords, combining "prince" and "just zuko," he is punished for combining them and run out of town. (wouldn't it be great if there was a chance for positive reinforcement of combining these symbols later on?) he uses the swords against jet to defend his right to be "just zuko" in ba sing se. he uses them against ozai when he finally sees through the ozai mentality (more on that in a sec) and leaves to teach aang firebending. he presents himself as "just zuko," who was never enough for ozai, and tells ozai to go fuck himself.

third, the blue spirit mask is a combo of selfishness and the ozai mentality.

the ozai mentality is the idea that some things are awful and essential. they are excusable because of the end result. the war, zuko's banishment, his disfigurement. the ozai mentality isnt necessarily tied to the blue spirit, but the blue spirit doesn't exist without it. he steals the avatar from zhao because it's essential (not princely, he doesn't firebend. its horrible for a prince to do, but essential). he steals song's ostrich horse because its essential. he sides with azula in ba sing se because its essential. awful, but essential. these last two happen without the mask because the ozai mentality sticks to zuko far beyond the reaches of the mask as a symbol. (so maybe the mask doesn't actually represent the ozai mentality, and that just doesn't have a symbol, idk lol, im just moving past that, rigidly defined symbols are hard.)

the selfishness is over-indulgence, taking more than he should, stealing in excess because he deserves it. it's only believing in the ozai mentality when it serves him.

letting go of the blue spirit mask is getting rid of the idea that what he wants is more important than the world, as much as it is the first step in accepting that some things that happen are not essential. ("it was cruel and it was wrong" doesn't come out until he starts to reject the ozai mentality.)

the mask and the swords make the blue spirit. the blue spirit is what zuko doesn't think is princely, doesn't think is honorable, but he'll do because fuck the world, he deserves this. sounds nice in theory, but not great self care in practice. selfishness, the ozai mentality, and "just zuko" collide in a mix of someone who doesn't have the responsibilities of being prince on their head, but still feels they're owed by the world. who feels like some things just have to happen, and it sucks, but they had it coming. the blue spirit is the worst part of "just zuko", and is abandoned in lake laogai because it only hurts him.

(the mask and fire are incompatible because the blue spirit and the prince are incomaptible. the blue spirit does horrible things that cant be honorable, and the prince can't be selfish in the face of his people's needs.)

if you want more on the blue spirit and vigilantism, here's my breakdown of that in a reblog. it has been changed since OPs reblog, mostly cuz i was acting like there was zero justification for the avenging vigilante take even though the first time zuko does blue spirit shit in season 2, it's literally that. had to think for a bit and clarify. lmao when you wrong, you wrong.

part 2, book 3 second half dumb

so imo, i think the second half of book three feels like a checklist. like, zuko joins gang, zuko reconciles with our list of characters that need reconciliation, token recap comedy, finale. you know exactly whats coming, which i guess isn't bad, but i always struggle to rewatch these episodes cuz it really feels like a list of narrative tasks instead of a story.

so, down the list, episode by episode:

the firebending masters was a great episode, but how was it one fucking episode? a character just fucking losing their bending?? no one is concerned?? this hasn't come up before, why is no one terrified by the fact that this can just happen? also also, why is it resolved in a grand total of one episode? same with Aang's reluctance to firebend. i get what the writers were going for, but a couple of missable lines about "fire is life actually" doesn't do much convincing after an entire show's worth of effort showing us the dangers of fire. give us some time to learn to love it, like come on. take us through that journey with aang. let it culminate in the firebending masters, where aang finally feels like fire is a part of him, and zuko finally knows how to exist without rage driving him.

zuko and aang's relationship also needs more attention. for a whole episode meant to convince us that all feelings are resolved, i was left feeling more awkward than when we started. frankly, i feel that way about everyone. zuko literally has direct character parallels to every gaang member that would be so fun to explore, and yet these episodes felt so hamfisted to me. (aang & zuko: homesickness, did something stupid and cant go home because of it, trying to preserve their culture being swallowed by the war. katara & zuko: anger, emotions, mothers died/vanished protecting them from the fire nation. sokka & zuko: "less talented" sibling to a prodigy, and all the fucked up emotions that that comes with, swords. toph & zuko: aristocratic upbringing, and literally everything iroh said when toph ran into him for tea during The Chase.)

specific annoyances with the symbols, a lot of people think that zuko should've been able to use firebending with his swords more often, and i wholeheartedly agree. i mentioned it earlier, but this combo only happens once, in Zuko Alone. zuko bends with his swords and immediately introduces himself as prince, heir to the throne, and also still fighting off these shitty soldiers and still holding his swords. its proof that the prince and "just zuko" can coexist, and can do it well.

he's forced to leave town for that, and we never see him firebend while holding swords again. fuckin wack is what that is. bad wack.

what we needed was a reconnection of those symbols after that loss of faith. we needed to reconfirm that zuko can be fire lord, because "just zuko" and the prince work together beautifully.

there's a huge amount to tell through these symbols as well, with zuko losing his firebending after betraying his father and technically giving up his place on the throne. it's so obvious that im frustrated it was never brought up. zuko gave up on being prince, in ozais image at least, and now needs to relearn to be prince in his own image or else not be prince at all. he needs to learn to bend without anger, or else not bend at all.

additionally, aang and zuko's relationship ties in with these symbols. aang has personally dealt with each one of them, and surprisingly, its the mask and the swords that he gets along with in terms of zuko. (not entirely sure thematically how to resolve the blue spirit mask and aang connection, but also im just yelling at a wall here, not rewriting the season lmao.) they were amazing fighting companions in the blue spirit episode, where fire and the prince were nowhere in sight. when it comes to fire, that has a loaded history.

i would have loved to see an extended version of events that showcased aang and zuko meshing unreasonably well for recent enemies, all until they see the dragons and firebending pops up. after all, its the prince part of zuko that causes the most trouble, so aang thinks. aang learning firebending isn't just about learning that fire is a part of him as the avatar, but also about learning that zuko being prince is okay and doesn't mean they can't be friends. that tension resolves when we finally get some scene that prompts zuko to start bending with his swords, and both he and aang realize that these two parts of zuko are stronger together.

the boiling rock episodes are a joy to watch, but the outcome of the episodes feels so pointless when in the next episode, we immediately separate from hakoda again. like?? there's got to have been a better way to deal with this. the most important things in those episodes were sokka reaffirming his own skills to himself in the wake of the invasion, and azula being betrayed by her friends. the fact that hakoda, suki, and a random ass guy??? were treated as an afterthought to be disregarded next episode is obnoxious. (ok, suki wasnt disregarded, but she also got gaang position with hardly any narrative work, which is annoying cuz she doesn't deserve to be snubbed like that.)

the southern raiders gave katara some closure, dragged zuko along cuz the checklist!!, and then promptly disregarded everything except for "now katara wont kill zuko." like, it even got rid of the shit katara learned. this episode seems like it has a lot it wants to say, but fails to meaningfully say anything, and therefor leaves viewers in a spot where they have to come up with a moral lesson on their own. which is fine, i guess, but it's also a kids show. if there's any place to be direct about your morals, this is it. the episode thematically is in line with things that zuko would do with the blue spirit mask. its all about how that selfish mentality taunts everyone, and that like katara, zuko is also tmepted by it. the selfish need to get what you think you deserve, regardless of what the world needs. regardless of what you actually need. showing this same thread in katara is amazing, and so key to her character development. especially when she, despite being fully enabled by zuko, refuses to submit to it.

we jump forward to aang being anxious over killing ozai, and katara doesn't side with him. after all that?? like i understand there are differences, but i thought the point of the episode was that sometimes bad people go unpunished because enacting "appropriate" punishment will hurt the punisher, and that's not worth it. killing her mom's murderer would've hurt katara in ways that she didn't need. sparing him was not a mercy to him, but to herself. if that guy tripped and fell off a cliff the next day, it wouldn't matter. the point was that katara didn't put herself through that suffering. and now she's totally fine with aang needing to go through that? i don't believe it.

zuko would. zuko will. he'd fucking kill ozai in heartbeat. he might have gotten better at spotting it, but he has not gotten rid of the ozai mentality. it sucks, but it's essential. his dad must die.

and he expects aang to believe the same, and that's another bit of conflict that isn't touched on enough. zuko is ready and willing to kill his own father, regardless of the harm it would do to himself, and i feel like that should be more concerning to the gaang than it is. at the very least, to aang and katara, who have both been in situations where they could kill someone who made their life awful and refused to. and despite the fact that it's good for the world, leaning into the ozai mentality in order to justify killing ozai is fucked up. the show makes a point of telling us this, the whole finale tries to drive it home. the entire show is about refuting this mentality, and now zuko, ozai's son, the guy who's trying so hard to be good, has slipped into it so seemlessly he didn't even flinch, and no one is concerned? cmon.

also the energybending stuff? we coulda worked that in sooner. we've been talking about energy connecting people since the swamp episode. we've been talking about bending being a restriction of the mind since lightningbending, since metalbending. im not opposed to the creepy lion turtle vacation, but there were ways to foreshadow energybending as a solution before the finale, and they just didnt.

also also toph and zuko deserved better. where the fuck was their field trip? they didn't get one because the point of those episodes was not friendship, it was reaching a baseline of okay.

which is another thing. fandom is awesome, but watching season 3, i still don't believe that zuko is anywhere near close to these kids. they're hardly friends by the end of this, and based on what the show shows me, i fully believe that the coronation was the first time aang even called zuko his friend. and that's not something someone like aang would hold off on, so they're very much just battle bonded companions until the epilogue.

and i mean, if it works, it works. there's only so much time, but still. i think there should've been 4 seasons, enough to actually establish friendships between zuko (and suki, fuck she's so ignored its stupid) and the gaang and really drive home the fact that joining the gaang wasn't just good for the world, but was good for zuko too.

anyway, thats my uh. rant. about season 3. clearly overshadowed by my love of zuko's character with a heavy lean into Aang's space because he's blorbo no. 2 and i love aang and zuko's relationship because of the parallels.

i have no conclusion. hope you enjoyed adhfjdh

[marisoft-paint-adventures]

Pgs. 385 - 445

TG: skepticism is the crutch of cinematic troglodytes TG: like hey mom dad theres a dinosaur or a ghost or whatever in my room. "yeah right junior go back to bed" TG: fuck you mom and dad how many times are we going to watch this trope unfold it wasnt goddamn funny the first time i saw it TG: just once id like to see dad crap his pants when a kid says theres a vampire in his closet TG: "OH SHIT EVERYONE IN THE MINIVAN" TG: be fuckin dad of the year right there

so fucking true Dave, keep spitting.

EB: that's fine, you are entitled to your opinion, i am just saying that being a white guy who is a rapper with a ventriloquist doll is not cool by any stretch of the imagination or by any definition of word cool, ironic or otherwise. that's all i'm saying.

ULTIMATE WHITE BOY BRO STRIDER.

oh hey it’s the page I used to showcase Hussie’s affinity for slurs.

uh

still bad.

me when I fucking sTAB MY MOTHER.

I’m having rough flashbacks to HS^2 and I don’t like it.

also I just gotta say that Mom is the coolest looking person in this entire comic I mean just look at this fucking POSE.

it just screams “hello daughter you are going to get fuckin served.”

yes. the pony. beloved Maplehoof.

I’ve always seen this idea that the process of creating Earth, and by extension Universe B, involved taking the attributes and interests of the 12 trolls and morphing them into brand new instances and ideas, like how Gamzee’s Juggalo religion manifested as ICP on Earth.

I like to think that the entirety of the For Assholes book series exists through a recycling of Karkat’s personality.

also that fucking Asshole Note is comedy gold.

aw yeah time to fucking beat the shit out of an imp let’s

shit.

W magnet.

alright for real this time let’s kick the shit out of this imp.

goddammit.

also another White John can be found in this flash, collect all 7 to turn Super White.

also the Egbert Centipede I guess.

Tip: I am so fucking mad.

OK 1 MORE TIME.

he did it. he destroyed the fucker. John man.

YES.

DO THE THING.

YEEEAAAAAAH.

yeah.

fuck you cat I am about to revive.

IT’S HER, CLOWN GRANDMA.

HI NANNA.

TG: i mean dont get me wrong i think its cool and all TG: the semi-ironic puppet thing or whatever TG: or semi-semi ironic TG: man i dont even know TG: im just starting to think some of this shit is going a little far and its kind of fucked up TT: I've seen his websites. TT: I like them.

what did she mean by this.

what did she mean by this?

what did she mean by this?!

TG: oh man i wish lil cal wouldnt look at me like that TG: with those dead eyes jesus TG: sometimes i dream that hes real and hes talking to me and i wake up in a cold sweat and basically flip the fuck out

not saying it.

Page 422, titled “[S] GO ON. ==>” completely underrated flash, just listen to this fuckin song.

it captures the feeling of a big expository RPG cutscene so damn well I love it, it’s like I’m a kid again.

this is also just one of my favorite Sburb mechanics, I love the concept of basically deciding the abilities and aesthetics of the NPCs via prototyping, it’s such a cool little thing and opens up a lot of possibility for any fan-sessions.

JOHN: ok, i think i get it now! JOHN: so i guess the battle against good and evil is sort of irrelevant? well, i don't know, that all sounds kind of weird, but in any case, we build the house to get to these gates, and then i can save my dad! NANNASPRITE: Yes, John! JOHN: and then after that, we solve this ultimate riddle thing and save earth from destruction!!! NANNASPRITE: Oh no, I'm afraid not!

NANNASPRITE: Your planet is done for, dear! There is nothing you can do about that! JOHN: oh...

I fucking love this sequence because John activates the Cheery Protagonist Mode ready to assemble a team of teens with attitude in order to save the world from Dark Chess and whatever only to hear that the entire world will end and his response is just “aw..... :(”

I went on this entire shpeel about the potential of writing an isolationist John based off of willy nilly prose narration at the beginning but MAN do the early versions of the kids not give a SHIT about what’s going on.

“John Egbert, the Earth is doomed, it is going to explode, all life will die, you and your friends will be the last living things remaining.”

“:(”

AND THEN HE JUST MOVES ON.

this is a very weird moment that sticks out when looking at the comic as a whole because the weight of literally all life dying at once is nonexistent, but at the same time, this is fucking hilarious.

it makes think about a lot of rewrites I’ve seen where they try, emphasis on try, to give the fact that world ends more emotional relevance, and they basically kinda force this by introducing random background characters who are obviously going to die immediately.

like “oh hi my name is Huma Nfriend I’ve been besties with John Egbert since childhood we’re very close and cool and we’re gonna play a game called Sburb!!!” and then they just

I understand y’all want to make the characters actually feel something in regards to the entire home blowing the fuck up but there’s gotta be better ways than inventing some characters just to fridge.

also John does this.

uh, yeah. I don’t know.

he’s having a moment.

just give him some space.

ok now that’s just rude.

god Rose’s house during the winter is so pretty.

holy shit a Jade and Rose conversation, I hope we get plenty of these! (we do not.)

Jade knows about Sburb??? and it could bring Jaspers back to life???? what could it me- ok this joke already fucking sucks.

ah yeah it’s time to beat the shit out of the local whiteboy.

this shit is so fucking cool oh my god.

also there are literally meteors falling as Dave looks out and I guess he does give a shit.

[spacedhead]

HOMESTUCK REREAD #17: END OF HOMESTUCK (act 6 act 6 act 6 and act 7)

this is it!!!!!! this is the end of homestuck!!!

the song setting the scene for all of these battles that are about to take place concurrently is called creata, and it has leitmotifs from MANY songs in homestuck, as do all of the songs in this 18 minute sequence! also check out this fortnite squad....

the second song is called oppa toby style... oh man this is gonna be sick.

GOD LOOK HOW STRONG SHE IS SHES BEATING UP FOUR OF THEM EFFORTLESSLY

roxy my son is fighting so hard actual goat of this section btw no cap you will see later

of course this part is.... not as important but still certainly something i suppose.. karkat and jake are giving it their all as the weakest members of the squad

here come the striders and terezi!!! they are about to mix the shit out of these jacks

side note but not really its kind of crazy how owned dirk gets in this fight he dies like three different times and is saved by dave terezi and jane a bunch . talk about an unlucky break

meanwhile jade is struggling with her dog friends/ enemies and caliborn is fighting his denizen yaldabaoth ( wrdgaf). also vriska is fighting hussie? (WRDGAFX2)

okay so caliborn beat his denizens ass. so called strongest denizen is weaker than caliborn who was beaten by john fucking egbert.

anyway the current song is eternity served cold but only the second half.. its very good. variation on johns theme for a bit, then into lord english theme.

ive always loved this shot

davepeta makes an undertale reference.... which i guess was topical at the time. my undertale phase is long gone though. so . cool reference anyway !

last song. heir of grief is starting. VERY good song. love this shit!!! pic of one of the squads... theyre getting roughed up

oh my god... the four original kids and the pictures of their houses from the beginning of the story really reminds me how far they have come... ive been reading this shit only for a few weeks but man it feels like it really has been such a long time since things were that simple.

cool ass shot of these guys

oh no!!! theyre getting fucked UP dude shes beating their ass... but who is that back there...?

to be honest. i am not sure what jade was trying to accomplish in this sequence. she seems to just be teleporting her and the dogs around.... like to get them to stop fighting maybe? idrk but either way they kinda just fight anyway. or at least PM does

i think this moment of dave chopping dirks head off is not really significant for dave as much as it is for dirk. he finally relinquished control for once!

anyway, PM FINALLY gets jacks ring off, and now he is no longer a threat. its been so long. wow . goat much?

roxy being the one to finish the condesce is deserved. great job. my goat. props to all of these crazy kids they fucking did it they won!!! holy shit good fuckin job!! but we arent quite done yet.

this is beautiful art that is the rest of the comic basically until act 7. i just love these panels so much. one of them has actually been my background for about a year and a half!

its this one . i really love this one it shows so many of my children look at them all god im so proud of them they did it.... YES!!!! i knew this would happen but im still so happy for them.

look!!! the mayor and pm reunited once again. its been since before cascade since they saw each other last! and serenity too!!

this one is a real standout as well... so good i love all of them. am i repeating myself? surely not.

:))))

it is time for act 7. the finale of homestuck, essentially. it has been a long and winding road.... only a little left to go :)

LOOK AT JOGN EGBERT I WANT HIM TOBE HAPYP FOR ALL ETERNAL

a lot of this animation shows the new universe being formed, like the tadpole turning into the frog and stuff. it is very cool, and visually stunning to be honest, but i like to focus more on the characters with my limited images per post. but trust me, act 7 is very beautiful the whole way through :D

LOOK AT MY CHILDREN IN STUNNING HD QUALITY

THE LOT OF THEM. I SIRED THEM ALL? INCREDIBLE

do you see how fucking beautiful these kids are and how much they mean to me. i would do anything for them

holy shit vriska is serving like crazy here. i mean they all are but... okayyy vriska

look at these two. leaders of their sessions. coming together. finishing. it all makes me tear up a little i wont lie. also this music called overture is fucking beautiful.

oh man okay yeah. i am really misty eyed here. this never happened before?? god i fucking love this story

IM GONNA START CRYING DUDE FUCK

well here it is. first view of the idyllic earth c. they did it. they won . they created their universe and they got to live in it

heres one last squad shot of them all being goated and fucking awesome maybe? ever think of that

it started with him and ended with him. my son john egbert i love you so much

okay. its actually over. it feels weird to say but i have indeed completed homestuck yet again. this time was maybe my favorite reading of it other than probably the first time. maybe it was cause of the blogging it? i did genuinely love blogging my thoughts about it. even if no one is paying too much attention, its cool to get it out there :D

overall thoughts? the first part is a little slow to get going, but once it does get going, it's so fun and just a blast to read. things are incredible up until right after cascade where it slows down a lot. which i get. introducing a ton of new characters and essentially a new main villain into the plot can be a lot. i would say that the first half of act 6 is like... a definite decrease in quality? but it starts picking up again when they actually arrive in the new session. and me personally, ive always loved the ending. i know some people were like oh they just win and their plan goes smoothly. like, yeah i get that, but also things did NOT go smoothly when game over happened, and that was definitely the everything goes wrong moment. everything after that is cool and fun and very entertaining to read. i just love this story guys i love it so much there is a reason why it is my favorite piece of fiction and why i constantly come back to it . it is just so good i love the characters i love the concepts the plot is sprawling and self referential and just plain cool . of course it has flaws, namely its villains are a little weak. sometimes i love villains who are just plain evil but sometimes in a story like this i may have preferred a villain who has a little more motive than just being evil and wanting to destroy and kill things... but its alright. the heroes were the main focus anyway, so its not like it ruins the story or anything. i think homestuck goes from an ironic shit post story that makes you feel like an ass for reading it to a heartfelt tale of empathy and self improvement and self actualization. its characters go from asshole kids to pretty good adults. and you can see the writing grow up too. its honestly great and if you know me you probably already know lots of bits and pieces about it and/or i made you read it. but if you dont you should give it a shot. it has NOT aged well i will say but if you can manage to ignore the usage of slurs and probably other bad things i can honestly say it ends as a story about growth and acceptance of the self and others. that is all.......

thanks for reading this to all my friends i had tons of fun

p.s

im reading the epilogues. FUCK

[groovesnjams]

37 / 50

"East Side of Sorrow" by Zach Bryan

MG:

There’s something extraordinarily fishy about Zach Bryan. Something I do not care for but nevertheless find myself magnetically drawn to, like the burnished flame of a small town burning to the ground in the distance. If you didn’t want to turn your pain into another fucking sing along, then why did you marry your story to a bunch of thumping major chords, you know? And it’s also the way I knew about what a hero outsider he is, taking on the corrupt country music biz and valiantly releasing such a glut of music it’d make your stomach explode, before I ever heard any of his songs. Zach Bryan is good with words, better with branding, and, I kind of feel, dishonest to his very core. “East Side of Sorrow” is a naked act of manipulation, an emotional bomb unleashed on an audience that has suffered loss and is begging to feel something other than grief. So, here you go! Feel stirred, feel roused, feel like it all meant something, like the suffering served some higher purpose. Cry in room full of people crying and call it catharsis. I do not trust this man or the horseshit he peddles, but goddamn. It feels really good to put this song on as the sun dips down to the horizon line and the sky is all the oranges and pinks of a Huda beauty blush quad and let Bryan’s raspy twang merge with the engine roar as I motor around empty fields and over train tracks and past condemned buildings, all on my way to nowhere. He’s fishy, but I’m always craving a tuna salad sandwich.

DV:

Unlike prog it seems to me that it's much too early for a stomp-and-clap revival, like wasn't it just yesterday that we rid ourselves of those troublesome Lumineers? But here we are and Zach Bryan is making it seem like a good idea after all. "East Side of Sorrow" sounds sad even before you get into the lyrics and backstory, even if you ignore the title. Bryan's voice always carries a weariness and anger to it; the muted trumpet is rousing and defeated at the same time. But it's got the galloping rhythm and singalong roughness of the best ho-hey stomper, and Bryan not only knows it but builds that into the lyric: "Do you ever get tired of singin' songs/ Like all your pain is just another fuckin' sing along?" It's a self-reflexive critique that's aimed just as squarely at his audience, a question without an answer because after all he is still up there on stage and we are still singing with him. Performance is an act of giving, but it also takes; does it feel easier if you acknowledge that as you do it?

[myersesque]

UM UM UM fav npmd song?

OH GOD HARDEST QUESTION YOU COULD'VE ASKED. i am notoriously indecisive and there is not a single skip in this whole tracklist BUT ALAS. I WILL TRY

ummm um um uh. i'm gonna have mercy on myself and make it a tie. i'm allowing myself a tie

nerdy prudes must die - i love a good villain song. the reveal of max's new costume/makeup (STUNNING btw, especially considering how stressful it must be do to makeup whilst a show is actively going on - doing a costume change between acts is nerve-wracking enough), will branner's endless charisma and stage presence (literally devastated he's new to starkid bc i need more of him NOW), and his and jon matteson's fucking gorgeous vocals... both the chorus and the "who will pray for me?" section are CONSTANTLY looping in my head. absolutely 500% deserving of title track status.

as cool as i think i am + reprise / if i loved you - i'm counting all 3 of these as one bc i honestly can't decide between them, and i love them all for the same reasons. acaitia is such a well-done establishing song for peter's worldview - both his perception of himself (and how that shifts and skews more positive as he psychs himself up) and his perception of steph (the "smarter than she thinks she is" line always gets me - he thinks so highly of her and is so respectful of her even this early on when they're still bickering, and it sets the foundations for how strong their relationship ends up becoming). it's also just really nice to have a nerd character as a protagonist who has some confidence and, whilst steph liking him certainly helps with that, his sense of self-worth isn't inherently tied to her, it's inherently tied to himself and how he lets himself exist (he's as cool as he thinks he is - if he allows himself to think he's cool, then he's cool - which also has an interesting sort of parallel to max's sue sylvester "you are what i say you are" philosophy). then of course the reprise is absolutely devastating (i have absolutely no shame in saying i was openly sobbing) and serves as such a good example of how things have changed throughout the story, especially in terms of his sense of identity and relationship with steph. then ofc if i loved you is just... SUCH a fun song about their dynamic, and how they both clearly adore each other but aren't willing to admit that until forced. "not saying what we mean, except we literally are, just backwards" is one of my fav kinds of song (also - it reminds me a bit of i could do without you from calamity jane, if that's anything).

the summoning - villain song, horrifically catchy, and the lords in black having their moment. the distorted background vocals, the childish way the lords present themselves contrasted with the heaviness of their song and the darkness of their lyrics ("stephanie has got a gun, tra-la-la-la, how fun!" - they're DELIGHTING in their suffering)... it's just really fuckin good. i also don't super mind the dialogue interrupting it since it's part of the pacing, and the lords breaking into song in the middle of a serious discussion feels very on brand for them

honourary mentions include literal monster (for similar reasons to as cool as i think i am, but for max's character instead - also, again, villain song) and hatchet town (i ADORE hatchetfield's ensemble-heavy songs, and i think this one sorta encapsulates the whole vibe of the series). i also have soft spots for dirty girl and go go nighthawks, but that's in more of a "this is REALLY fun" way than a "i have deep opinions abt these songs" way. obviously just for once is also devastating and a beautiful song that serves as a great demonstration of lauren lopez's skills but i'm trying not to say "every single song, actually"

...i realise i just listed 90% of the tracklist but i justified most of it??? so hopefully u at least got SOMETHING from this answer idk