#the stories of the bible SLAP tho

[yesiknowimshort]

as someone who was born into east orthodox, baptised anglican, did 13 years of catholic school and still ended up without faith in christ, i would LOVE to have a conversation with jason, who was brutally tortured and murdered, and still holds his faith

[therevolutionwillnot]

She Can Fly (a ranty ode to my grandma)

Grandma used to tell me when I was little, I’d take a sheet and run around the house singing, I Believe I Can Fly. I can see the movie version of myself, hair in braids, shoes off, grandma saying “Hohoooo-bapreeee.” Run to one corner “I believe I can touch the skyyy” Run to another corner “Think about it every night and dayyyy” Flying across the rooms, wings flapping “Spread my wings and fly awaaay” I run through that open door, arms flailing drastically the beat beating through my chest as it repeats until the crescendo, “I believe I can flllyyyyyy!” Fast forward and rewind a few hours backwards, Dadu is yelling at grandma. Somewhere in my head his Hindi is slapping the walls and he is the large frame of a giant who squishes my grandma into the mouse form she feels majority of the time around him. I think he slapped her at one point, but all of that is lost or fuzzy in where we don’t like to remember. This woman. This woman who raised my uncle, aunt and dad. This woman… Would say to me “Mimi do you remember the garden. You would said my garten- these are my toe-mayy-toes.” There would be a laugh in her voice, as if she could see the sun shining on my little authoritative face claiming “This is my land” in tiny toddle voice. She liked the Animal Planet Channel, America’s Funniest Home Videos (animals over humans definitely) and soap operas. All the face slapping, facial expressions, dramatic music, my grandma’s reaction. “Oh myyyyyyy.” It was the animals and videos that were the best in my book. Some baby, child thing or animal would do something irreversibly stupid, clumsy and all at the same time adorable. She would laugh. “Oh hohohohohoo oh my.” Her laughter made me laugh, I loved to watch her sit in her plastic cheap looking dollar store chair and smile. And laugh. I think those were our moments. I didn’t realize this, but she raised me. For a long time she was there and I can’t remember most of it. I don’t know those times that my cheeks must’ve ruined the tectonic equilibrium as her face would peer into mine, searching for the many ways to make those cheeks burst even more with smiles. The times we must’ve had each other best. I will not know those. We were learning about human biology, I read the passage, I got all the information-We essentially come from monkeys...or monkey-like things, my brain said. I know things, I’m twelve. What in me decided to have this conversation with my dad? What sparked this ignorance to state boldly, “Dad we come from monkeys.” Immediate downfall, the bible was talked at and thrusted into my hands. “Are you telling me your grandma comes from monkeys?” I can’t answer with a straight face, because it’s all over. The world is ending. Quietly I say, “Yes. We all do.” More fireballs thrown until our words are pure flames. My grandma is praying in the corner, I’m crying. And realized I didn’t want this. I didn’t to see her like this-don’t care about him, he’ll always be this way, but grandma. I made a day in hell for you and I’m sorry. I told her I didn’t care if he lived, one day. We were on the phone. But he was getting sick. He’s always getting sicker. She said he’s in a bad way. I propose the idea that maybe he is, and maybe we should be ready for that...and in a small voice I tell her I don’t care. She was immediately offended that I would ever say anything like that, he was your son. I know that hurt you. I never should have said that out loud to you. She reminds me of the Glass Menagerie-that fucking story always pisses me off (but you are so fragile). She would think so little of herself (you didn’t like new clothes, in fact I have some of them). I tell this story to kids I work with all the time- it’s my favorite to tell and of course I change it up a little more every time. He was outside making chicken, red, so deliciously red but it was always smokey and filled with mosquitoes. You were inside making potatoes. Sometimes you sat on the floor and chopped on this big wooden heavy chopping board with this knife that looked like a mini machete perfect for your everyday brown toddler. I asked if I could help around, you stirring, he’s flipping and drinking. You both say no. So apparently my tiny self managed to drag a sack of potatoes to the bathroom. Plop them in one by one...to which one of you noticed. The door creaks open slowly, assuming it’s just a little girl taking a large deuce (it runs in our family seriously tho), but to her surprise...her granddaughter is smushing potatoes into the toilet. I can imagine what you sounded like “Oriiiiiiii bapreee!!!!” And apparently my father walked in- this guy who loves Beevus and Butthead with the comedic level of a 15 year old boy in the 90s...yeah he laughed his ass off. Secretly struggling with the idea of how to unclog the toilet. You guys loved to tell that story and I always loved hearing it. It was during a time you were happy with him...but we both know how temporary that was. We would go on walks, I’m in middle school...I’m a teenager and you disclose to me how scared you are of him. I’ve heard him yell at you or flex in frustration. We have both seen in this in men, too many times. It’s as if Dadu just couldn’t rest and had to reincarnate himself in your son. 12 pack of beer, everytime we hung out sometimes a 20 pack. Budlight or Budweiser mostly. Every. Night. You told me he did ether one night and died. Granted he was younger...but you’d been carrying his booze problem since. It was you. Alone. With him. And when I called sometimes our secret code language of his angry presence was enough that I would get on the phone with him, make him laugh, something. Just to ease your space. But you called me one day...it had gone too far. He had alcohol poisoning and my brother was there. He had to call 911. He was crying and alone with you and him and...I wasn’t there. To help, to take over, to handle the crisis. I was so young to hear about his abuse to you. I asked my mom what if we moved you...I knew she never would. But I really wanted you gone from him. I wanted to take care of you. I wanted to know you were safe and happy. I hurt you when I didn’t call or visit. I don’t know why I didn’t, but I do, I was too lazy, I was living my life, I was like my mother. She did that to you too. I learned this from her, I take full responsibility for not seeing you, I did not see you when you were here last. I didn’t tell you the truth. Me and Al aren’t together and whe I have a kid I will most likely not be in a marriage but I’ll be happy. Because I can stop this curse of misery and pain. If I am here for anything I am here for that. You gave me love-you showed me what love looks like and that is all I can give back. We all deserve love, hurt, broken, in pieces, in full glasses of water. I’m sorry if I didn’t give it back to you. But please always know that I love you. You met Al. You said his name funny. But it was cute. I knew he wasn’t the one but I never brought a guy to meet you and you deserved to meet someone. He was my first long term relationship. I didn’t love him, but liked him a lot. I think you could tell. I think you liked watching me with a guy. You kept asking when I’d get married and start having kids. You really wanted grandkids, that’s when the very elongated “Graaanddmmaa” would creep a smile around my mouth. It was just cute that you started doing that when I was getting older. You died on the night I was out dancing on a date. It was a really nice date and I don’t know if you said this to me, but I believe you did, you told me, “You love.” And that feeling I’d always dreamed of, dancing with someone where the energy and connection are caught together to hold up the mast to swing in the storm of sound waves. There it was. That feeling. The next morning Felicia texted me. I was on the toilet. I had a great night and a great morning. I knew her text was bad. It was in my gut but I hoped...and then I read it. And I cried so hard muffling the choking sounds shoving my hands over my mouth trying to keep everything from falling apart. You were just gone...I know that’s cliche. But that was it. No will. No letter. No words left for me or anyone. You didn’t exist, you weren’t coming back. And I didn’t say anything to you, I didn’t say any of these things to you because I let him take you and our family didn’t have words for you. They held nothing in your name, no funeral or church event. I didn’t fight for you because I thought I was too small. I should’ve fought for you because no one else did. I was strong enough for you, I was strong enough to fight them off to let them know that you mattered, that you gave me strength and inspiration in this world to fight for my existence. I never told you that I wrote a paper about you for my English class in high school. A very influential teacher, this old white dude read my words about you. Just you and your superhuman ability to survive this world and still have room to smile and laugh. The hug you gave me more which was always more than three times when we would say goodbye. I loved saying goodbye to you. He left me a message, that I was a very talented writer and should follow this road, this path… I never told you, that you gave me that moment, I was proud to exist to feel purposeful in this world. I wrote about the smell of turmeric, onion, curry, garlic in your salwar, the Amla you combed through your hair and always braided. The way you said, “Ow.” and made such a painful yet comical face. The way cilantro chili pepper eggs in roti were simple and yet savory as ever like your dahl, your fried fish, anything you cooked. Your heart that gave away so much love and you only got so much in return. You gave me love and I am so thankful for all that you have been in my life, my Grandma. These are my words for you.

[dontbeallupinmyfriesdawg]

Can u please rant about how shitty and fucking stupid H*yley and C*mille r? I need a serious pick up and reading shit about these two really helps

Hmm a rant... Well here’s both my Anti Hayley and my Anti Cami which is pretty much an extensive guide as to why I dislike both characters but here are my personal reasons.

The difference between both characters is that while I have a fundamental objection to Camille as a character I don’t mind her personality that much. Sure she’s a bit simpering and irritatingly optimistic but if Camille was a real person I wouldn’t find her completely intolerable. I’d probably say, that girl’s nice, I’d engage in small talk with her but we wouldn’t be best friends.

Hayley, on the other hand, is obnoxious and a character so void of personality that the writers decided to overcompensate with just a series of undesirable traits instead.

Camille is a sexist conception. Unlike many of the female characters on TO/TVD who were created as their own characters (Bonnie, Caroline, Elena, Davina etc...) or as part of a storyline who then gained their own character arch (Lily, Jo, Liv and arguably Hayley although I’ll discuss that). Camille was created for Klaus. She is only there to be his love interest. There isn't a thing to do with Camille that happens to Camille that isn’t directly or indirectly about him. 

e.g: Her twin’s death (Klaus mind raping her and taking her memories); anything to do with Father Kieren; her, turning into a vampire; everything. Not only that, she is basically an emotional wank puppet for Klaus to empty out his feelings into. Literally a human handkerchief. Camille the bartender/therapist, the only one who could truly understand all of Klaus childhood trauma and repressed emotions wah wah wah...

EVEN DURING HER DEATH, the TO writers use it as an opportunity to plug what a good ass person Klaus is and how she believes in him and how he’s so gooood deep down inside.

TO even pulls the same shit posthumous. 

They bring Cami back as a ghost to talk Klaus through his trying time in captivity and they only have Vincent discuss her tell Klaus how proud of him she would have been and the big shiny gold star he would have gotten had she been there. 

The worst part is, Cami’s ‘love’ doesn’t even change Klaus, the same way Elena’s love doesn’t ‘change’ Damon. Klaus was and is exactly the same as he was except now he cries more and he’s a dad. That’s it. Klaus disregarded everything Cami said and did the opposite. She had no agency. And let's face it she was a knock-off Caroline sent from CW writer hell to distract us because Klaroline had people excited and the writers were salty because we actually liked something that wasn’t their intention for us to like. 

Frankly, it was embarrassing to watch. I think Leah did the best she did with the character tho, no criticism there.

Hayley, I would like to point out was never meant to be the main character. There is a reason there is not a whole book in the bible about Judas. He’s barely even mentioned in the New Testament aside from the bits where he’s betraying Jesus because that’s his purpose in the narrative (I’m using the term narrative loosely I’m not suggesting the Bible is just a storybook I personally believe it isn’t you are free to think otherwise).

Similarly, Hayley’s purpose was to be part of Tyler’s tragic, coming of age, werewolf, pack leader story. She was a footnote that got turned into a novel. If this was executed well (and if Phoebe could act) I wouldn’t have minded. Klaus was meant to die at the end of season 3 but he was so popular and Joseph's acting was so good that they kept him on. Arguably, even though they butchered it, Klaus was deserving of a spinoff, the Original family were interesting as a concept. But instead of using that dynamic and interesting concept and centring a TV show about it. They centred it around a bratty teen pregnant werewolf instead.

In many ways, the conception or rather, inflation of Hayley’s character on TO was just as sexist a feat as creating Camille. Hayley initially has two purposes. Carrying Klaus’ child (i.e: status as a human incubator) and being Elijah’s love interest. She is then upgraded with motherhood and takes on a third role as Jackson’s wife and then his widow. Arguably Jackson is the only character on TO more useless than Hayley herself. It goes to show you Hayley lacked so much agency and significance that her love interest was the third wheel in his own relationship and was killed off solely so Halijah could bone (*shudder*).

My main problem, however, is the pedestal Hayley is put on. There is nothing special about her. She’s not even a nice person. TO conveniently swept under the rug the fact that she had a hand in ruining Tyler’s life and had the audacity to bring him on the show to villainize him and make Hayley out to be a victim. I lost count of how many times in s2 Klaus called Hayley a queen or told people what an amazing fierce majestic hybrid kween she was. 

Her marriage to Jackson was literally just a marriage of convenience, she became alpha by default, not to benefit her but so as to have an army to protect the magical miracle baby, thus fulfilling her role as baby mama/incubator. So yeah, the whole empowerment element of kween Hayley the all-powerful hybrid was dog shite.

Phoebe’s acting is a huge part of it but to be fair to PT the writers didn’t even try to flesh out Hayley's character and give her depth, they just slapped on a series of tropes and annoying traits and occasionally declared to us, the audience, how invaluable she was.

Both ladies represent lazy writing and an image of women from the male gaze, okay so it’s not in an overtly sexual way but it’s most definitely there. It’s that reason why I can’t tolerate either of them.

[a-broken-potato]

Well, I guess if I’m gonna use this as a coping mechanism I might as well tell my story. Here we go, ⚠️TW⚠️ this includes blood, physical, emotional, and sexual abuse references, self harm mentions, running away, etc read at your own risk.⚠️

So I was born to a teen mom, she was 16 when she got pregnant. She married my birth father in a shotgun wedding after she found out. He was in and out of prison most of my childhood so he wasn’t there much and my birth parents were never very faithful to each other (they are still married today but have multiple kids with other people and are dating other people.) things were okay for a while, I lived in Arizona for the first four months of my life then my birth mother and I moved up to montana to live with my current parents (my biological grandparents on my biodads side) I lived there till I was about 18 months, a year and a half old and that’s when things started turning south. I was soon taken in the middle of the night in November of 2002, my birth mother decided to run and she took me with her. She took me up to a place in Montana where it’s mostly mountains and forest and not many people. There we shared a house with her best friend and her best friends boyfriend. She never rlly took care of me much, she’d go to work and then she’s get back and her friend would go to work but instead of taking care of me she’d have sex with her friends boyfriend or go to party or drink or do drugs or whatever else she could find to do. I’d wander in the woods by myself sometimes, looking for food or just exploring like a child my age does. I would see my current parents every couple of weeks but then my now mom found out some of the stuff that was going on and called CPS. My birth mother ran yet again. She took me to Oregon where we spent quite a lot of time. She then started dating this guy, I’m gonna call him Mike. Most of my problems began with Mike. Things were okay for a couple weeks then things started going bad. Both he and my bio mom did drugs and drank a lot so a when he’d do things most of the time it was because he was on drugs. One day started hitting her and yelling at her. Then when he couldn’t get enough he would also take it out on me but he didn’t just hit me or yell at me, he’d also touch me. He got worse and worse until the day I went into state coustody. He was so doped up on drugs he slashed his wrist and started writing on the wall with blood. My birth mother was so scared she called the cops to come and get him but then they saw drugs in her purse and arrested her too. I went into foster care that day. I went to two different houses, I was one of the lucky ones, my parents now found me pretty quick after I went in and started fostering me. One of the houses I went to, they had a lot of kids. One of the older ones tho, he was 18 at the time, he would scare me intentionally all the time, and sometimes yell at me. The other house I don’t remember much about, just this little toy that was on the side of my bed. It was a little aquarium with fish in it and a yellow knob on the bottom, and if you turn the knob it plays music and the fish swim around (I’m still trying to find this thing so if anyone knows what I’m talking about or knows where I can get one please let me know!). I remember my nose being stopped up and I was scared cause I couldn’t breath so I wound that thing up and it calmed me down and I fell asleep. I was placed with my current Danton February of 2006 but because of my birth mother not wanting me to be with them I wasn’t adopted until April of 2007 (around my 4th birthday). We then moved to Colorado, where we currently live. My birth father has caused me a lot of emotional problems too, due to him just disappearing for years at a time and just coming back and thinking things can go back to the way they were before.

My memories of the above were mostly repressed until the past couple of years. Idk why I’ve been remembering but I have and I will update this post as I remember more. Sometimes I’ll start remembering something and I’m basically in a trance or I start crying my eyes out or, sometimes, I’ll remember in the form of nightmares and will wake up crying or, in some rare cases, screaming.

My parents don’t rlly believe I’m able to remember all of that but I am.

So fast forward to about 6, I went to a new church one day with my family and I ended up meeting this girl named Katy. She was my best friend, de did everything together, she was constantly over at my house, and when we weren’t together we were on the phone. She was my best friend for about 5 years, then things began to turn south. She found out she was bi, which I was completely fine with but she started forcing me to be in a relationship with her. She took my first kiss (but I count my actual first kiss with my current boyfriend bc I didn’t want the other one to happen but I wanted this one to happen) and ended up raping me multiple times. She ghosted me a couple months after I asked her if we could go back to being friends.

This next part isn’t necessarily trauma but it’s the after effects of it.After I was adopted I had a lot of problems. I was angry all the time, sometimes to the point I’d hit my mom. I have a fear of leaving my house cause I’m afraid I’m never coming back. When I was 12 I started acting out. First I started talking to my birth mother and planning to run away to her, my memory was still mostly blocked at that time and I had this delusion that the only true family was blood. Anyway, I started planning to run to her, well my actual mom found out and I got in big trouble

Skip forward a year and I’m in a vacation bible school in June of 2016 I was 13 and just starting to remember things. I had been depressed for as long as I could remember and I had started cutting when I was 7 but I always only did it in the winter bc I could wear long sleeves without suspicion. Well I ended up relapsing in the middle of June. My vbs teacher found out and said I had to tell my mom by the next day or she would. I started planning to run again but this time I invited a friend I had made at vbs. She knew about my cutting and I felt safe asking her, well she told her mom who then told the teacher who told my mom. I didn’t tell my mom how long I’d been doing this but I did say it had happened before. I still remember my dads words, “I’m not mad, honey, I’m just disappointed”. I didn’t stop that year tho. I only actually stopped cutting last year in May of 2019 (I say cutting bc I now have other things that hurt myself just I less harmful ways, like digging my nails into my skin or slapping myself with a rubber band or purposely running into walls)

2017 I was caught shoplifting. I was in kohl’s with my parents and started nicking just little things. Well I didn’t avoid the cameras well and the caught me. I can still see my mom crying her eyes out, so disappointed in her girl. I still have the papers bc I even though I can’t stand looking at them, I can’t bring myself to throw them away either. I somehow managed to make it out with a warning instead of going to juvie.

I am not able to say no to people, even if I don’t want to I try and help them. I just can’t say no to anyone. I’m getting a little better now though with the help of my boyfriend.

I’ve had multiple eating disorders as well but I’m not gonna get into those.

I’m otherwords I’m a fucked up human and I’m learning more things about both my past and my future every day

[skold]

this post is Marina’s List Of Favorite and/or Iconic Music Videos

this could also be subtitled as: if you truly want to understand me as a person, watch these videos because it’ll answer a lot of questions

it’s gonna be a long one so i’ll pop it under a cut

alright we goin by artist then chronological

AIDEN

knife blood nightmare - this is iconic for me simply bc i rly wanted to look like wil in this video so bad in 6th grade.

die romantic - WHAT A BOP. i used to do my black eyeshadow like wil in this video too lmao

ALL TIME LOW

poppin champagne - because blonde alex and also?? honestly?? what a wild video. this is truly late 00s oversaturated pop punk at its finest

i feel like dancin - i’m not the biggest fan of this record or even this song in general but this is like, quintessential all time low to me video-wise. like. it’s everything i want from an all time low video.

ARCHITECTS

follow the water - or as sam carter says, follow the wah-uh. first of all i love that this is in a church. second of all when will i get to go to an architects show this lit here in the states

heartburn - bc they all look pretty. ok. aesthetically on point as well.

AVENGED SEVENFOLD

beast and the harlot - i don’t always bop this song but when i do, the whole cul de sac does too. no but really this was so influential to middle school me i wanted nothing more than a boyfriend who looked like zacky or jimmy and whatever eyeshadows zacky was wearing in this clip

BLINK 182

i miss you - the video that inspired this post. THE AESTHETIQUE. 20′s inspired romantigoth film noir. i don’t yell about this music video enough.

BRING ME THE HORIZON

chelsea smile - it’s literally just a house part video but the song literally defines the year 2009 for me. emetophobia warning at 1:08

it never ends - this video got mad shit but i love it. pretty heavy gore throughout this video

alligator blood - CREEPY ASS AESTHETIC SHIT!!!! i live for it. 16 y/o me had it so bad for matt nicholls and him getting tied up and violated was like, god tier for me

visions - more creepy aesthetic shit. the videos on there is a hell were underrated

THE DEVIL WEARS PRADA

hey john what’s your name again? - i gotta throw this one in just bc this hurls my ass right back to the year 2008. that bible imagery. those haircuts. it was a better time for music

html rules d00d - THIS SONG STILL SLAPS LMAO DON’T READ ME

ELISSA FRANCESCHI

salt - i’m not crying you’re crying!!! how did anne and christian franceschi manage to spawn two flawless and talented siblings!!!!!!

EVERY TIME I DIE

ebolarama - it’s a performance video in a roller rink what more could you want

wanderlust - you’ve probably caught on to the fact that i love creepy aesthetic shit.

decayin with the boys - THIS VIDEO HAS ME HOWLING. there are too many good moments to list here but the personal highlight is the dude admiring the lesbians making out, then he turns and admires they gays making out at about the 1:30 mark. also the jenga dream sequence. there’s a dick in this video, just a heads up. and a whole bootyass. i love andy williams. mild emetophobia tw at 2:30

FOXY SHAZAM

a dangerous man - eric nally’s screeching was the soundtrack of 2008

i like it - the chorus of this song is literally just “that’s the biggest black ass i’ve ever seen and i like it” and i have nothing more to say

holy touch - it’s a performance video but it’s. different. i really don’t wanna ruin this by saying too much about it. that’s just kinda how foxy shazam were. this song is a fucking banger. yes, they did have a trumpet player in the official lineup.

FRNKIERO ANDTHE CELLABRATION

joyriding - another performance video that’s. different. lmao. aesthetically perfect

GOOD CHARLOTTE 

lifestyles of the rich and famous -  the proletariat banger we weren’t ready for in 2002, but we’re ready now.

girls and boys - old people being punk rock. that’s all.

predictable - i SPECIFICALLY remember watching this on the good charlotte website the day this dropped. THE EARLY 2000S BAD CG IS REAL. i was literally ten years old but i somehow Felt every word of that spoken bridge, man. WHEN THE LITTLE GIRL GIVES JOEL THE ROSE AND IT TURNS BLACK i deadass thought that was so fucking dope y’all

i just wanna live - ignoring the irony of joel whining about being famous, this video had THE MEMES. 

GREEN DAY

longview - iconic simply by virtue of being their first video.

when i come around - ask me about my favorite songs of All Time and i’ll probably mention this one. it’s still great nowadays. i love all the shots of berkeley.

brain stew/jaded - this is such a great piece of art lmao the fucking. sludgy feeling of brain stew going into the chaos of jaded is great on the record, but even better in video form going from being stoned in sepia to tripping acid in an oversaturated cluttered space

walking contradiction - comedy gold

hitchin a ride - creepy weirdness and an iconic bassline. also mike dirnt looks fine as hell in this video

minority - i’m running out of ways to explain that a video is iconic to me purely bc of how important the song was to me at a given time lmao.

american idiot - is there anything i can truly say about this video? it was perfect in 2004, it’s perfect in 2017. uncomfortably relevant. epilepsy warning for strobe lighting effects in the second half

holiday - technically this was released before blvd, but since it chronologically precedes blvd in the story, i’m putting it first. this is like 90% here for the bridge section y’all. fucking iconic. i wore a fedora on the first day of sixth grade bc tre cool wore one in this video. not my proudest fashion moment. emetophobia warning at 1:56 but them playing EVERY character in the bar scene is perfection

boulevard of broken dreams - ah yes, 2005′s most overplayed song. i could not escape this song. every time the intro started everyone would just look at me bc i was The Green Day Chick. this video is aesthetically perfect though. shout out to mike dirnt’s jawline in profile

HOZIER

work song - first of all, this song makes me cry. second of all, the video is dreamy as fuck. it gives me irl chills. i love the choreography so much. the whole vibe is very modern southern gothic. and it’s incredibly intimate feeling without being... sexual or vulgar, i guess. 

IN THIS MOMENT

adrenalize - first of all i’m gay. second of all i’m gay. this video is decidedly nsfw

whore - aesthetically pleasing. chris motionless being subby is the real highlight here

sick like me - again, it’s here for the aesthetic.

big bad wolf - also aesthetic but THIS MAKEUP LOOK. maria’s makeup look in this video is actually literally my aesthetic goal. epilepsy warning for strobe light effects

sex metal barbie - say it with me: aesthetic. i also love this one bc the lyrics are largely lifted from people talking shit about maria on the internet, shaming her for being a woman with sexuality and agency, so fuck yes i support it. mild body horror warning for this one

JOHN 5

making monsters - john’s videos are mostly performance based but this one is so cute lmao. where do i cop a j5 action figure

LADY GAGA

paparazzi - i’m only including the RLY vital gaga videos here and the full version of paparazzi is her best work imo......

bad romance - .......but bad romance is a close second.

telephone - i can’t not include this one though. the collab of the decade.

LINKIN PARK

one step closer - i think this was the first linkin park video i saw Back In The Day......... it was 2 heavy 4 baby me at the time lmao but nowadays it’s one of my fave lp songs. the video is super corny let’s be real but it was 2000

numb - this song is so fucking emo but i love it. the video is like peak emo too. i swear the main girl in this video was like my fashion icon at the time. layered tank tops, ripped loose jeans, oversized hoodies and jackets. i wanted her hair so bad lmao

what i’ve done - this video is really visually solid. i thought this was like the Deepest Shit in middle school lmao

MARILYN MANSON

sweet dreams (are made of this) - THE CINNAMON TOPOGRAPHY!!! god i have no complaints about this video except that twiggy is in it. visual fx?? dope. wardrobe?? dope. location?? dope. manson in the wedding dress?? dope. unsanitary warning for the later half of the video bc manson gets pooped on by birds lmao

tourniquet - one of my fave vocal performances by manson tbh. i prefer this one of the two videos floria did w/ manson. 

long hard road out of hell - femme manson and religious imagery need i elaborate

the dope show - the first manson video i ever saw. i was... so creeped out lmao. LOOKS ON LOOKS ON LOOKS. john 5 lookin like a snack in this one

i don’t like the drugs (but the drugs like me) - this is probably the most heavy-handed manson has ever been with the christ allegory lmao and yet......... i love it. also shout out to manson and rose’s dogs bug and uncle fester for guest starring. body horror tw here

coma white - basically a flawless music video i have nothing to say here that isn’t already said by the video itself

disposable teens - everybody looks great in this one except twiggy fuck twiggy. i actually love the mtv version of this video too, which is all performance, but i can’t seem to find it rn??

the fight song - one of my fave manson looks. those boooooots tho. the gloooovessssss. i’m gross let me live

tainted love - sorry to send y’all to vimeo for this one but i couldn’t find one on youtube that didn’t look like it was filmed with a potato or watermarked. y’all slept on the genius of this video tbh

mobscene - hello it is me gaogfucker666. 

this is the new shit - still me, gaogfucker666. this video feels misinterpreted too honestly

(s)AINT (director’s cut) - specifically the director’s cut bc more tim skold in a dress and boots smoking a cigarette. this video is seriously fucking nsfw. needles, drugs, sexual content, vomit etc watch with caution pls

personal jesus - i love this glam rock look so much. tim looks so good in this he never wore the look again bc he knew he looked so good we could never handle it a second time.

putting holes in happiness - I CAN’T FIND the extended version with tim’s full solo and i wanna scream. but. here’s the official version

say10 (short) - i really fucking wish he’d compounded off this for the official say10 video, beheaded orange man or not. just the verse. it’s so good. moody and creepy and AHHH.

we know where you fucking live - heed the warning at the beginning lmao. i honestly loved this video. i know some people thought it was edgy but i rly rly don’t see that. it’s offensive and obscene yeah but it doesn’t have that edgelord feel, as much as i love to call him an edgelord.

MOTIONLESS IN WHITE

reincarnate - old school horror vibes!!! as a Humble Fetishist of Boots and Gloves, this is a great video. also this is one of those songs where i Feel the lyrics for real

eternally yours - THE COLORS!!! THE FUCKIN IN A COFFIN!!!! i have nothing more to say

MOTLEY CRUE

looks that kill - please watch this corny ass fuckin 1983 ass hair metal ass music video. please. i’m tryna add more shout at the devil era nikki sixx vibes to my wardrobe tbh

wild side - i love a late 80s arena performance video ok also where do i cop nikki’s shirt

dr. feelgood - i will always credit this as one of the songs that made me want to play bass tbh

MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE

vampires will never hurt you - too emo to view with the naked eye.

i’m not okay (i promise) - the video that spawned a million high school AUs. god i love this one. even watching without the nostalgia goggles it’s great.

helena - perhaps my favorite music video of all time? if not then top 3. this video still remains my ideal aesthetic 12 years later. HOW I’M TRYNA BE. i just wanna look like an extra in this video, okay.

the ghost of you - time to cry!!!!! emetophobia warning at 0:47

welcome to the black parade - it’s hard for me to talk about these videos bc they’re so universally iconic that to explain why i love them so much would be mostly redundant.

famous last words - see above. this song means the world to me

desolation row - if i had to pick a video other than helena to look like an extra in i’d pick this one. has gerard ever looked this good, before or after this video?? peak.

NINE INCH NAILS

down in it - these are getting linked to vimeo since the official nin account has them all uploaded there in better quality. anyway i love so many of the shots in this video and i love the colors and i love bab trent

head like a hole - SO dated y’all but bab trent leveled up and became baby dread trent.

happiness in slavery - this is seriously graphic. but it’s great. also where’s the extended version that shows trent getting eaten by the weird carnivorous robot

gave up - bABY BRIAN!! infants, y’all. INFANTS.

march of the pigs - it’s a one-take performance video but it’s...... so much more than that. this video hurts me in my hand/glove kink.

closer - this is in the top 3 with helena honestly. it is... a piece of art film before all else. a Must Watch. 

burn - another case of a video being important to me because of the song it’s for tbh.

the perfect drug - marc romanek is a GOD. also a piece of art film honestly. just y’all wait till i make my dnd character based on trent in this video lmao

starfuckers, inc - hm, another nin video that trent invited manson to be in. interesting. all memes aside it’s a great video even as much as i hate the use of the “fat = ugly” trope. epilepsy warning for flashing effects in the last part of the video

deep - why. are. y’all. SLEEPING ON THIS!!!!

only - this may have been the first nin video i willingly saw and recognized as nin. this video still holds up, especially with it being 95% cgi and still looking as good as it does.

ROB ZOMBIE

living dead girl - the theme song of my life??? iconic couple costume idea????

meet the creeper - i have to include this video because it’s BAD. it’s terrible and i fucking love it

american witch (live version) - WHEN ROB PICKS UP JOHN AND STARTS SPINNING HIM AROUND!!!! this is here specifically for all the long hair john content

dead city radio and the new gods of supertown - the aesthetic. everybody looks great. matt is in a gorilla suit

well everybody’s fucking in a ufo - highly nsfw. where do i begin with this fucking hot mess...... sheri’s huge fake boobs. john and matt and ginger as astronauts. john jerkin off. the aliens with dicks. the fact that the whole story is about getting gang banged by aliens???? nothing will ever reach this level

SKOLD

self titled promotional clip - epilepsy warning for a lot of flashing and smash cuts. sort of a few partial music videos in one, but there are only two official skold videos, so i gotta include both of them. the quality is garbage. it’s so incredibly 1996. yet i love it. the last song, anything, is pretty nsfw as in there’s actual femdom porn clips but this is why i love it.

better the devil - if there were more skold videos i’d put them here. but as i said there are only two. tim out there lookin like not just a snack but a full course meal in 4k quality. goddamn. the only man i can ever truly call d*ddy. tiffany and eli lookin like delicious side dishes as well.

TAKING BACK SUNDAY

you’re so last summer - flava flave is in it

this photograph is proof - this song makes me so fucking nostalgic............. it transports me right back to eighth grade lmao. tbs were one of my fave bands in middle school.

makedamnsure - the most emo song of all time?? side note regarding tbs: real talk, being fat in middle school, seeing another fat person in a band was so fucking reassuring and great. i love eddie. 

liar (it takes one to know one) - these visual effects are SO cool, even now.

YOU ME AT SIX

jealous minds think alike - ART... no but actually look at these literal fetuses. i fucking love this song. it’s probably my fave track on take off your colours.

kiss and tell - you right it’s another house party video BUT. baby josh with an undercut. he must be 18 or barely 19 here??

liquid confidence - WHEN YOU GOT NOTHING TO LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSE

stay with me - jkfljkghdfskljgs okay serious time: this song got me through a seriously rough part of my life and i have the title tattooed on me partially because of the video. 

loverboy - i have never seen a fandom in such utter chaos as the ymas fandom was on the day this video dropped. holy fucking shit. the THIRST was REAL. 

bite my tongue - peak ymas captured in one music video. that’s truly the most important part. that peak sns era ymas was preserved forever in this video.

lived a lie - is it bad if i still kinda want a “we are believers” tattoo lmao. i really....... love this song a lot. is it obvious by now that ymas love a big chorus lmao

give - this song gives me The Feels. it deserved better than a performance video in an empty arena but it’s all we got, so here it is.