#the tagline should be 'just wait it gets worse!'

[whats-another-song-contest]

wait what's the connection between melfest and a candy store /gen

Oh, so you're asking me—an ethnology student—a question about culture? Don't mind if I do! 😁

The official tagline of Melodifestivalen is "all of Sweden's party", but in practice people perceive melfest as largely aimed at families and The Gays. As a major family show airing in a prime time Saturday slot, it is sponsored by many candy and snack companies, who hope to profit from this association.

These companies will then have feather boas and melfest logos put up around their shelves in grocery stores every year for the duration of the competition, which benefits the brand awareness of both the companies and the show. Marabou (Sweden's largest chocolate producer), and I'm sure many other companies, also tend to run competitions where if you buy their products during this time, you have a chance of winning tickets to go see the final in person at Friends Arena.

Commercials (by both the companies and melfest itself, to some extent) have created this stereotypical image of "a proper evening of melfest worship should contain 3 things: 1) your family/friends, 2) the TV, and 3) huge bowls of snacks and candy stacked like a shrine on the table between the previous two".

Also, in Sweden we have this concept of lördagsgodis, "Saturday candy". This originates from governmental guidelines and campaigns in the 1950s which aimed to improve children's dental heath. The idea was to have parents restrict their kids' candy intake to a single day each week, because when it comes to your chances of developing tooth decay, eating a little sugar but eating it often is worse than eating a lot of sugar all at once, but doing so more rarely. With melfest airing on Saturdays, the association between it and lördagsgodis was therefore perhaps inevitable—especially given the family oriented nature of the show.

Hence why, when two mums ran into each other today in the very crowded candy store, the first smalltalk I heard them exchange was:

"So you're also getting ready for Saturday evening and mello I see?"

"Well, yes. I mean, I wouldn't have even known that mello was on this weekend unless my kids had had mello themed activities in school on Friday, but here we are."

Tldr: Basically, there are sponsorships and annual marketing pushes, as well as a general habit in Sweden to eat candy specifically on Saturdays. Therefore, there is a strong cultural association between watching melfest and eating snacks and candy (which can result in packed candy stores).

(Side note, but I feel that you cannot explain lördagsgodis without also mentioning that the recommendations which lead to its inception were a direct result of the findings from the Vipeholm experiments. The experiments aimed to prove the long hypothesised link between carbohydrate consumption and tooth decay. They did this by feeding intellectually disabled residents at the Vipeholm hospital (in southern Sweden) extremely sweet, especially made candy and watching as their teeth (and oftentimes general health) deteriorated. This was all done in 1945-1955, sponsored by the sugar industry and dentist community. A movie was made made about the experiments just last year.)

[imaginespazzi]

Hi bestie 🥰

Sorry it took me a lil while to check in but I wanted to make sure I formed some sensical thoughts after reading part 1! Although, this might actually all be non-sensical because I’m still reeling from it all and I’m nowhere near as articulate but anyway, here goes (side note: am I listening to if the world was ending while writing this? you bet I am):

WOW WOW WOW, the beginning? My heart broke immediately and as the biggest angst fiend, I was like oh- this- this is gonna be immaculate I already know.

And of course it was. OF COURSE IT WAS.

The photos of them on the wall?? And Paige’s realisation of how much she fucked up cos Azzi never once let go even though Paige ignored her for a WHOLE FUCKING YEAR!!!

The flashback to when Azzi broke the UCLA news to Paige; yeah you ATE that. I know you said you might take inspiration from my suggestion and that’s pretty much how it played out in my mind, only your version was a hundred thousand times better- like the talent is just unmatched.

Paige’s first reaction being “BUT YOU NAMED YOUR DOG STEWIE!!!!” Is so fucking real lmao, I laughed and cried.

Nika standing ten toes down for her twin always, I respect it.

And Jealous Paige? Yeah my favourite trope fr ✊ (also the fact that she already got jealous of carol of all ppl?? lmao, i can't even imagine how she'd react to seeing Azzi with someone that's actually into her 😭)

And then the ending?? You’re sick for that cos see now that’s all I’ll be thinking about until we get the next part (making your fics my roman empire? it’s only fair)

Thoughts on what might come next (which you should totally ignore if it's not what you have in mind bcos again, your brain >>> my pea-sized brain):

Imma need Paige to suffer a lot bit LMAO, like sorry to her but girlie deserves to pay for freezing out princess FOR A YEAR.

Like I know that’s the love of your life Azzi babygirl, but you better make blondie work. beg. grovel.

I also feel like Azzi’s teammates wouldn’t be so accepting of Paige straight away? They’d be super protective of Azzi cos like that’s pookie, who wouldn’t be?? And they were the ones who witnessed just how much she was hurting during her freshman year and how often she waited for a call that never came, so yeah Paige really gonna have to prove herself 😌

Anyhooo, to sum it up, you outdid yourself and then some bestie. Your stories genuinely give me the best escape from reality and I cannot express how thankful I am for you taking the time and effort to write masterpieces like that for us.

Oh finally, the tagline for the story being "everything changes, except the ending" - pure genius, in my humble opinion.

Until next time 💗

-🙋‍♀️ (I’ve decided to fully stick to this as my signature)

Hi bestieeee, I'm so, so, so, glad you liked it. Like I wanted everyone to like it of course, but you especially, it's very important to me that you like it.

Bestie, you helped so much with how Azzi would reveal it/Paige's reaction, like so much of that is your brain work, I just put it into words and I'm glad it turned out how you imagined it.

Lmao I wanted Paige's initial reaction to be so random and I was like WAIT, how is she going to bring a dog named Stewie to UCLA (again more proof that it was always gonna be UConn for her).

Jealous Paige is my favorite version of Paige because it's a) really fun to write and b) really hot to imagine. And it's only going to get worse for her.

Nika needs to be team Paige because I fear Azzi's teammates are about to be menaces to her and not in a good way.

I was actually gonna end it with Azzi running out and then have none of the stuff outside but I think it was important for them to have that conversation and I wanted them to kiss teehee

My current (loose) summary for the next part in terms of plot is "Azzi goes on a date and Paige goes insane" so trust bestie, blondie will in fact suffer. 😈

Always so happy to see you babe, come back with more suggestions or just to ki-ki whenever. 💗💗💗

[anhed-nia]

You can really hear the smug voice of an insufferable grammar wonk dictating the tagline for this stupid movie. THE LESSON has one of my favorite movie problems to hate on, which is that it's about someone impossibly great at their craft creating an impossibly great masterpiece--a premise that almost no one can execute, unless you're like making THE RED SHOES with Moira Shearer who was beyond human, this is basically the worst plot setup ever. If you don't literally have the greatest living artist to help make your movie about the idea of the greatest living artist, just don't do it, I'm serious. And actually it's even worse when its a story about a great writer writing a great story, because what is that supposed to imply about the screenwriter who wrote it? And god forbid it's some sort of fantasy tale in which you get to have the uniquely insulting experience of a storyteller telling you that storytelling is literally magical, the implication being that the storyteller is himself some sort of high priest you should worship. But the king of this general problem is FINDING FORRESTER, a movie with all sorts of issues, the main one of which is that it's supposedly about "great writing" but you basically never catch a glimpse of what that consists of. It's like making KING KONG with no ape, just people telling you how big the ape is. Holy mackerel he was a whopper, take my word for it! Big, big ape. The biggest. As I recall your closest encounter with the amazing writing of the story's young prodigy comes when he drops his backpack while trespassing on scary Old Man Forrester's territory, and Forrester leaves notes all over his notebooks like "CONSTIPATED THINKING" and "ATMOSPHERE PUNGENT." Spoiler alert but near the end of FINDING FORRESTER, there is finally going to be a big public reading of an amazing essay--but then as soon as it starts, the music swells and there's just this hilarious montage of extras pretending to listen to something awesome. An amazing mass performance by all the extras.

So anyway THE LESSON is about how Richard E. Grant is a super amazing writer writing his highly anticipated next novel, and Daryl McCormack has to come to his palatial estate to tutor his neurotic son. Daryl spends a lot of time presumably doing great writing, spying on Richard E. Grant while he eats out his wife Julie Delpy, and spontaneously spouting verse or rattling off Wikipedia articles about great cultural figures. THE LESSON has a lot of cosmetic similarities to SALTBURN so it's really obvious that some sort of perverted plan is being hatched by one or more of the people involved, and like I just could not wait for them to get on with it. Daryl is so smarmy and precious and dewy-eyed I just wanted to punch him in is pretentious little face, I never imagined how angry I could be at someone just for reciting Shakespeare, I was really rooting for him to get victimized by the rich people. At least Richard E. Grant is always exciting even when he's saying the dumbest "smart guy" shit imaginable, he's such a demon, but this script is really the pits. It's almost like the guy who wrote it actually hates writing and writers and has some sort of bone to pick with people who are good enough to get novels published. Actually the guy who wrote it is a playwright who does some sort of comedy routine with an acoustic guitar, and I don't think I need to know a whole lot more about that. But at the same time this movie could have done with some jokes, and it was stingy of him not to offer them.

I do have one nice thing to say about THE LESSON though, which is that intermittently, for no particular reason, there are these great inserts of beavers dicking around in the idyllic pond by Richard E. Grant's house. It's so startling when it first happens because apparently beavers make THE WEIRDEST NOISE, it's so cool and fucked up, it sounds like a sick kazoo and I totally love it. I have to think that the beavers were included in the movie spontaneously during production just because they happened to be there and it always adds value to have random nature stuff if you can get it. Nobody ever refers to them, there are no other animals or animal-type metaphors in the picture unless you count some sort of analogy to Julie Delpy getting her beaver licked constantly. That would be pretty funny actually.

N.B. I couldn't find a video of the angry beaver noises that closely resembled the ones in the film. It would be weird if it was just some eccentric foley choice, I don't think it is, but in any case you'll just have to imagine it unless you want to watch THE LESSON.

I'll say one more thing about SALTBURN and then I'll stfu: I guess this is vaguely spoilery so stop reading if you care about that, even though I have to say I found that movie so obvious. By the time it finally gets around to its big perverted twist, I just kind of felt like, Well yeah, DUH. Usually I when I come to a movie like that, I tolerate the beautiful young people and stay for the psychotic debauchery, but in this case I found the movie's darkness so forced and condescending and basically meaningless that I couldn't bring myself to give a shit. The best parts of SALTBURN are when the beautiful young people are having a great time, trying on fun outfits and frolicking on the castle lawn. That seemed to me to be the most honest part of the movie, and actually I think that when people tell these stories about how rich people are secretly corrupt and dead inside despite their veneer of happiness and achievement, it's clear that they're really in it for the fetishistic depictions of extreme decadence, and the twist or the comeuppance part is just a cheap, moralizing excuse to fantasize at length about how awesome it would be to be rich. I guess SALTBURN's big excuse for existing is its ultimate assertion that being jealous of rich people is way sicker and more disgusting than being an actual rich person who hoards resources and plays games with the plebeians. I find that pretty suspect, and I think it would have been a better movie if it just let itself honestly fetishize power and luxury instead of making shady excuses.

[sharkneto]

For the ask game: Top 5 books?

I'm cleaning out my ask box! Slowly but surely! Let me respond to this from (checks notes) definitely not nine months ago!

It's also good I waited on answer this because I've read a bunch of books in the past nine months. So, top five books I've read this year, in no particular order:

Gideon the Ninth - Tamsyn Muir. Love this world, adore the characters, great little mystery going on. The usual tagline of "necromancer lesbians in space" does not do this series justice. It is way more nuanced than that, there is so much queer shit going on and none of it is like And Here Is Our Lesbian Character! This Character Is Trans! People are just people and sometimes (oftentimes) those people are queer. Also, the love and grief of this series is So Good. I listed Gideon here because it's my favorite of the series, but Harrow the Ninth has one of the best reveals in a book I've read in a long time and it makes me ache.

Murderbot Diaries - Martha Wells. I'm counting the whole series as one long book. Loved, loved, loved reading these. Murderbot is the best, I love its friendship with ART and the humans, my favorite thing about it is how clearly its a person but it is absolutely not a human and that should never be forgotten.

The Goblin Emperor - Katherin Addison. My friend recommended this book to me because one of my favorite things in fiction is Just A Normal Guy up against not-normal circumstances, and this book is about A Really Normal Guy (goblin) suddenly thrust into being king thanks to all the successors ahead of him dying in a crash. It's a relatively simple premise but I love it for that. It doesn't try to be more than it is, I loved the main character and how he approached the problems of Suddenly Being King. I know there are more books in the series but I don't think they follow the King as the main character anymore and I loved him so much, I haven't had the heart to go try them yet.

Way of Kings - Brandon Sanderson. I would be remiss to not include one of the Stormlight Archive books, as I'm working my way through them. Do I complain a lot about how Brando Sando could use an editor while I'm reading these books because they're too damn long? Yes. Do I still absolutely enjoy them? Yes. Brando is really good at taking 800 pages to set up all his details so that you can have the most satisfying 200 pages of your life as every single fucking piece slams into place, each conclusion you've been waiting for for the past 400 pages hitting and it's So Good. I was miffed about the very end of Words of Radiance, but Way of Kings was a triumph the whole time. I love Kaladin - who doesn't? - and the world building and positioning to get everyone primed for where they need to be in the other character POVs is masterful.

Six of Crows - Leigh Bardugo. I fucking love heists, and Six of Crows has a fucking great heist. Kaz is also exactly my kind of character, so it's no shocker I loved this book. I didn't read any of the Shadow and Bone books, I have no plans to, but I did watch the TV series first so I knew the basics of the world and Grisha and whatnot. Idk how much of a learning curve there would be if I hadn't done that first, but I doubt it would be much worse than the usual learning curve of a new fantasy series - but it was nice to be able to just jump in and hit the ground running. I cannot emphasize enough how satisfying a heist this was to read, though, excellent and interesting characters aside.

I feel like honorable mention time to some of the nonfic books I read?

Pageboy - Elliot Page. Was very good, with the incredible added bonus of that I got to see one of his author talks in person. He was an absolute delight to listen to. The book was a very interesting and enjoyable read, but I think he could have made his time jumps back and forth more purposeful. It felt very much like he was trying to emulate:

Man Alive - Thomas Page Mcbee. I read this one and Amateur, and I liked Man Alive better, probably just because it reflected me a bit more in where I'm at in my transition. His jumping between time points worked really well as he described figuring himself out around different moments in his life. Both really great explorations of gender and just what does it mean to be a man.

Into Thin Air - John Krakauer. My twin and I went on a hard binge of mountaineering disasters, and you can't do that without including Into Thin Air. A really tragic and gripping true story about the climbing disaster on Everest in 1996. An as honest as possible look into what happened and what went wrong that cost eight people their lives, and the even wilder details on how some of them survived.

It's been really fun to get into books again, this year. I was one of those kids who constantly had his nose in a book growing up and fell out of that when college hit. I refound audiobooks this year which have been a godsend to listen to at work, and physical books have snuck their way in, too, for more books happening. It's fun to be thinking about plots and new characters again and having opinions on how x or y played out (I still think about my predicted ending to Gideon, I think that would have been fucking incredible, not that the actual ending wasn't fantastic - I had the big beats predicted correctly at least lol).

My current book I just started is The Lies of Locke Lamora, which I'm already enjoying immensely and all my friends who recced it to me were like "what do you mean you haven't read that yet? you'd love it".

Anyone got any good book recs, hmu.

[dreamescapeswriting]

I Hate To Admit ~ Bang Chan [Request]

WORD COUNT:1.6K

PAIRING: Chan x GN!Reader

GENRE: Angst, fluffy

A/N: I made it a fluffy ending I cant help it.

The longer that Chan sat there listening to the rain outside the window the more he began to grow uneasy about everything he had done that day. It was his turn to release an Skz-Record and he'd written something from the heart, something he'd been holding back on for so long that he needed to get out. Now it had been out in the world for almost eight hours and he was already wondering about you, had you seen it yet? What did you think about it? Did you even know that it was about you? Would you even care that he had done something like that?

The clock on his desk began blinking as it reached midnight and he knew he was going to have to head back to the dorms sooner or later but he didn't want to. As much as he loved being around the boys he needed some time alone, time to think about everything he had lost and he didn't want to go back yet. The boys all knew who the song was going to be about which meant they were going to have a million and one questions about you, why you had left in the first place, why he'd written such a sad song and why Chan would never tell the boys what had truly happened to you. Going back to them met admitting that he missed you and he did, he missed you every minute of every day but he could never say that out loud to anyone but himself. There were times where your voice still echoed in the back of his mind and being at the studio was one of the moments he still felt as though he was close to you. Imagining you sat on the chairs behind him waiting for him to finish one of the pieces he was working on. He still pictured you waiting up for him at the dorms, sitting in one of his shirts playing video games or passed out on the sofa so tired from waiting for him but you would always be there.

"Chan? You ready?" He snapped out of his daydream as he glanced over at the door, his manager had been watching him for a few minutes debating about interrupting the young man's thoughts.

"No, I'm...I'm going to work on this a little more," He lied as he turned back to the blank laptop screen, he was already so tired it wouldn't matter if he stayed in the studio that night he just didn't want to go home yet. Not to an empty bed where he couldn't sleep, he couldn't sleep without you by his side which is why he had begged you to stay with him but you didn't.

"You told me you would never leave! You promised!" He yelled out as you stood across from him in the dorms, throwing your clothes into a bag as you tried to leave as quickly as possible. Tears welling up in your eyes as you tried not to look at him, looking at him you would see how much this was hurting him but this was a once in a lifetime opportunity and you couldn't give it up. It was your life's work and someone was finally taking you seriously, your dream was to be a writer and now that was finally able to come true he wasn't willing to let you go?

"I'll be back Channie, I need this." You breathed as you placed your bag over your shoulder, heading towards the exit when he took hold of your hand. The familiar spark you always felt jolted through your body only making you cry harder at the thought of leaving him. The two of you had spoken about it before, you'd managed a long-distance relationship when he was away on tour, it would be no different. You would be back sooner than he could think about it but he was set on never letting you leave.

"I'll be back...I need this, you know how much this means to me." You tried to let him know gently that this was your dream but he was blind to everything, all he could think about was the promises you had made that you were now breaking.

"You lied to me. You promised that you would never leave and now you're leaving." His voice cracked and you turned to look at him, tears rushing down your face as you reached your hand up to touch him. You hadn't seen Chan this upset since the survival show and it broke you to see him with his eyes so red and tears staining his cheeks.

"You said you would support my dreams." You reminded him but he stepped back from you, shaking his head as he let you walk out of the door, leaving everything behind without trying to fix it.

Chan never should have let you leave the way you did, it was one of the biggest mistakes in his life. He should have made up with you before you got on the plane and left the country to be far away from him, he didn't have to be as selfish as he was but he couldn't see a world without you in it and to this day he still couldn't. How could he ever forget the way you were, how could he not remember all of the little things you did that made him smile and even things that would annoy him but that he still loved about you? He always regretted never responding to the texts and calls you left him when you landed for your new job, he ignored you, ghosting you and telling the boys to do the same.

"Fuck," He mumbled as he looked down at the photo of you he had on his desk, he'd never moved it from the moment that he put it there. It was a photo of you and him together after the boy's first award win, you were holding onto him tightly as tears rushed down both of your faces. You had the photo framed so that you could prove to Chan every day how much you supported his dream and how much of an amazing achievement he had won in the past to keep him motivated but now? Now it felt like a person torture device sitting on his desk, painfully reminding him that although you had supported him he hadn't done the same for you.

Staggering into the dorms that night he stripped out of the drenching wet coat he was wearing and hung it up on the coat rack to dry for the next day. He scratched the back of his neck as he walked through the hallway and into the living room, glancing over at the sofa as he saw you sitting there. 

"I'm too tired," He mumbled as he began rubbing his eyes thinking that the image of you sitting there, in his shirt was just all in his head but as he glanced back over you were staring at him. Two cups of hot chocolate on the coffee table as you waited for him to come and sit down. 

"You wouldn't be so tired if you got some decent sleep," You quipped as you moved over on the sofa, Chan's mind raced as he stared at you. He must have fallen asleep in the studio it was the only explanation for you to be sitting there so calmly as if nothing had happened. 

"Channie, please...We need to talk." You whispered as you waited for him to go and sit beside you, he hesitantly walked over and took the drink from the table, sitting down expecting everything to fade away as he woke up. 

"The song." You whispered again placing your hand over his and that was when he knew it was real, that you were truly sitting across from him and touching him. That you were back. 

"The song," He repeated, placing his hand on top of yours as he waited for you to say something else but no words could express what you were feeling. You had been on the plane flying home to see him when the song dropped, making you rethink everything in your relationship if there was even one to go back to. 

"How did you know I was coming back?" He questioned as he looked at you and then to the time, it was almost 2 in the morning and he never would have expected to find you here. 

"I came as soon as I landed...Felix let me in and I slept in your bed for a while...Then I figured you'd probably come home at some ungodly hour like you used to," You laughed softly remembering all the times he would come home late like this, it never once bothered you because you knew how much he adored his word and you would always make sure he slept when he came in.

"But...Why are you back? I thought the job was what you wanted," It had been everything you wanted but it was awful, you were completely miserable the whole time because it wasn't as fun as they had made it out to be, promising you all these amazing opportunities only to make you an errand-runner. Not having Chan in your life made it all the worse, with Chan by your side you felt like anything was possible.

"I didn't want the job if it meant I never got to see you again...Plus...They kind of sucked, I became an errand-runner." You mumbled as you laid your head on his shoulder and just like that it was as if nothing had changed. The four months you spent apart never happened and Chan was just glad to have you back in his life and in his arms where he was never going to let you go without telling you how much he supported you. 

"We'll find you something good, something better...I will support you...I promise." He whispered as he laid a small kiss on your forehead, you hummed tiredly as you relaxed against him just happy to be back in his arms once again.

Tagline: @taestannie​ @kneel-begyourpardon​ @sw33tnight​ @mwitsmejk​ @acciocriativity​ @minholuvs​ @anxiousbobatea​ @justbangtanthingz​

[neoculturetravesty]

We met in online class - Part 4

Image taken from here. Originally had this image in mind but Tumblr won’t let me upload it. 

Pairing: Renjun x Reader Genre: College AU, romance, fluff, angst, maybe humor???? Warnings: Strong language Word Count: 4.3k

Navigation: Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | You are on Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10 | Last Part

A/N: Happy Easter to all who celebrate it!

It’s funny how quickly people form habits without really meaning to. You don’t realize you have a new favorite word till someone points out you’ve been using it so much. You don’t realize you’re addicted to caffeine till you get headaches from withdrawals. You don’t realize you can’t live without dessert till the sugar crash hits. And in the same way, Renjun didn’t realize he had gotten used to your company till he’s waiting outside your lecture hall with an almost expectant inclination to see you. 

A lot of it had to do with who you were as a person. You had pretty much infiltrated Renjun’s life, even though he still kept you at an arm’s distance. One day, he had walked into the library and found you with Jaemin, while the two of you had your heads together over a laptop and a huge gift basket in the making on the table. Jaemin wasn’t the kind of person who invited a lot of new people into his life; so he must have really trusted you because it wasn’t the last time Renjun saw the two of you together. 

But worse than Jaemin was Donghyuck. Renjun was pretty sure that since you’d asked him out, you had probably hung out more with Donghyuck than with him. Almost as if seeing Renjun was just an excuse for you to hang out with him, as you had often joked. It was as if the two of you were kindred spirits, long lost best friends who had finally found one another. Donghyuck would invite you everywhere, get up to no good with you in tow; and before Renjun knew it, the two of you were even planning parties together. Neither Donghyuck nor you needed Renjun as an excuse to hang out with one another anymore, and it amused him. A part of him wondered if Donghyuck was playing along to help his bigger cause. But his friend always looked so genuinely happy around you that any ulterior motive he might have seemed to have been forgotten. 

“Why can’t the sun always be like this?” you said as you laid on the grass using your backpack as a pillow. Your hand was reaching out over your face, your fingers wiggling as you played with shadows.

While you soaked in the sun, Renjun chose to sit under the shade of a tree, sketching away in his book, completing his assignment before his next class.

“You wouldn’t appreciate it as much if it were always like this.” Renjun replies, not looking away from his work. He much preferred paint over charcoal, but he had to admit that the scratching sounds it made against the grains of paper--coupled with the chirping of birds and gentle ruffling of leaves around him--was really relaxing. As was your company.

“Hmm. But it’s still nice to see it without fine dust couture. I like seeing it fully in the nude.” you say, a soft, funny smile on your face while your eyelashes cast shadows on your cheeks.

“Pervert.” Renjun accuses, smiling as he drew. It just makes you laugh and lay sideways to face him. You prop up your head on your hand.

“I’m the sun, Huang Renjun. Now draw me like one of your French girls.” you say in a comical voice and Renjun actually laughs without reservation. 

“Do you have any more classes?” he asks, fixing his black and gold rimmed glasses over his nose.

“Nope. I’m done for the day. Yeri’s supposed to pick me up, so I’m just waiting for her call.” you say, rolling onto your back once more, resuming your dance with the shadows.

Renjun hums a reply as he sketches, but really, he’s thinking that he hadn’t formally met Yeri. At least not yet. He had just had two very awkward run-ins with her the couple of times he had been to your apartment. Come to think of it, he hadn’t been to your place since that last time. And you had never been to his place at all. 

It wasn’t on accident, though. All of it had been by Renjun’s really convoluted design. He had met a few of your friends on campus in the passing, sure. But you were more a part of his life that he was yours. That is exactly what Renjun had planned. Lately, however, that plan seemed to be fading away into the ether. Slowly but surely dispersing from memory till it was more or less abandoned. 

Because Renjun did not realize that he had adopted you like a habit. Any time he saw a witty meme, he had to send it your way because you would text back with an equally witty reply that scratched Renjun’s intellectual itch. Any time Jisung would bring home a baguette, he would take a picture for you with a caption like ‘Francophile life going strong’. The two of you had even developed a silly game where you would look at different marketing taglines and wonder if it would still work to sell condoms. 

‘Nike. Just do it.’ Renjun had once texted.

‘That is a low hanging fruit, Huang Renjun.’ you had replied.

‘Okay, true. But how about Imax: Thing big.’ he had texted back.

‘Hmm, almost but not quite. I need something stronger.’

‘BMW: Designed for driving pleasure.’ he had actually found himself scrolling through a long list of taglines while his assignment laid forgotten.

‘Oof. Now you’ve found the sweet spot. Keep going.’ Renjun had smiled at your reply and had found himself hurriedly looking for something better.

‘Geico: So easy, a caveman could do it.’ 

‘Mmm, didn’t think you were a kinky boy, Huang Renjun. Go on…”

Renjun had actually laughed out loud, making Jisung look up at him quizzically and replied ‘1010 Wins: you give us 22 minutes, we’ll give you the world.’

‘Yessss! Right there, right there!’

Renjun hadn’t even realized he was grinning wide and standing up from his desk, a list of taglines open both on his laptop and his phone while he scrolled to find the perfect response that would make you happy. ‘Rice Krispies: Snap! Crackle! Pop!’

‘So close, so close, I am almost there!’

‘Washington Post: Democracy dies in darkness.’

‘THAT’S IT, THAT DID IT, THAT HIT THE SPOT!’

Renjun had actually belly laughed at the entire conversation. He didn’t remember the last time he had laughed this way because even Jisung was looking at him with an amused smile, asking “What’s so funny?”

So yes, Renjun had adopted you like a habit. But it wasn’t just through text. When you weren’t the one waiting for him on campus with a couple of cups of coffee in hand, he found he would go looking for you. You would spend all your free time together, just like this. He would find himself missing you on days he didn’t get to see you. He found himself disappointed when you didn’t have time for him because you and Donghyuck were on a very important mission or you had to meet your friends or you had extra work that was demanding your attention. You had just inserted yourself in his life in such a manner that Renjun didn’t even notice.

Perhaps you had nothing to do with it, but Renjun’s life had been treating him pretty well, too. Maybe he was more inspired these days, because his work was getting better and his professors were noticing. His painting instructor had held him back after class one day and offered him an internship at his studio. While it wasn’t huge, it was enough that Renjun had thrown his fist in the air in celebration as soon as he had left class. And you were the first person he texted and he was glad he did because you had texted back a freakout that made him grin like an idiot. You had come to see him as soon as your own class had ended and you had flung yourself in his arms and had jumped around excitedly before dragging him along so you could buy him an artist’s apron as a present. 

“Do you have any more classes?” you ask him as you stare at the evening sun through your fingers.

Renjun’s about to reply when he is interrupted by the sound of your phone buzzing in your pocket. You fish it out and sit up, telling Renjun “Hold on…” before answering it. “Are you here, Yeri?” 

Renjun goes back to scratching away in his pad, thinking. Maybe he should introduce himself now when Yeri comes to pick you. But what would he say? ‘Hi, I’m Y/N’s friend?’ Everyone on campus knew that the two of you weren’t exactly just friends. It was thanks to your stunt during that one online class, where he’d met you. ‘Hi, I’m Y/N’s boyfriend?’ But he wasn’t that, either. While the two of you had become pretty comfortable in each other’s company, you hadn’t really done anything, or had any serious talk about what you were. You two always found yourself tiptoeing “the line”. Actually, no. It was Renjun that tiptoed that line. After his two failed attempts to kiss you, the conversation had just not taken that turn ever again. You two hadn’t leveled up on the PDA front, either. Sure, you had cuddled into him in the back of the cab that one night, and he had half-carried you to your apartment till Yeri took you from the doorstep. But you didn’t seem to remember any of it, so it was basically back to square one. Sure, you had hugged him in joy when he had gotten the internship, but did it really count when the two of you hadn’t even held hands yet? Aside from the innuendo-filled condom tagline talk, the two of you hadn’t really done anything that would constitute as… something a couple might do.

“Okay, but how long would it take?” you’re saying into the phone, a gentle crease growing between your eyebrows. Whatever you heard back must have been distasteful because you grimace. “Okayyyy, Yeri, I’m hanging up now!” you say pointedly and groan, laying back into the grass.

Renjun chuckles “All good?”

“Yeri has brought home a ‘distraction’.” you say, making air quotes, and a face like you’ve tasted something sour. “I’m banished from my own home for the evening.”

Renjun looks up. 

He thinks about his next words carefully. “Um… what are you gonna do?”

You groan once more and say “I’m probably going to crash at Lia’s till my exile is over. So inconvenient!”

“You could come over to mine.”

Renjun didn’t know how it happened, how he found the courage to think it and then actually say it out loud, but now there’s no going back because the two of you are walking down the hallway to his place. He doesn’t know why, but his throat is a little dry and he peeks over his shoulder to see that you seem a bit nervous as well. He takes a deep breath and decides to break the tension.

“Here we are.” He says as he punches in the code. He holds the door open “Hello, MTV. Welcome to my crib.”

It works because it makes you smile. “So, this is where the magic happens.”

“Mhmm, but I hope to God my roommates have at least attempted to clean it up some, because I did text them a head’s up.”

“Lead the way, Huang Renjun.” you say and he does. He walks you into his living room where Jisung is currently sitting, playing video games. The smell of something delicious makes his head turn towards the kitchen where he finds Jaemin.

“Hey, Y/N!” he calls out then wipes his hands on a towel before coming in to give you a hug. 

“Hi, Y/N!” Jisung says without looking up.

Renjun is amused and a little confused. Perhaps you and Jaemin got even closer while he wasn’t noticing, but Jisung? When had the two of you met? By the looks of it, Jisung was comfortable enough with you that he wasn’t even minding his manners and greeting you properly. Probably because he was too busy dwindling his thumbs on his controller furiously. 

“Damn, Jisung, you’re really going at it, huh?” you say to him easily.

“Mhmm. I would’ve been doing even better if Jaemin hadn’t interrupted and kicked me out of my own room because you were coming over.”

There is a two second silence before Jisung’s audience of three begins talking at the same time.

“Jisung!” Renjun yelps, bringing his fingers to the bridge of his nose.

“Oh, no, we aren’t going to like… do anything--” you find yourself explaining at the same time, face heating up.

“Jisungieeee!” Jaemin also sings out to scold, yet he grins as he mock-chokes the boy.

“You are so dead.” Renjun gives the back of Jisung’s head a death stare.

“Nooo, our Jisungie means well, don’t you, Jisungie?” Jaemin coos while Jisung dodges his kisses.

Renjun shakes his head and places a hand to your arm to guide you along. “Let’s go.”

“I’ve made food if you crazy kids get hungry!” Jaemin calls after you and it’s the most animated he’s been in a while.

His friends being, well, his friends was probably worth it because Renjun is feeling a lot better as he brings you into his room. It had been a while since he had brought a girl over and looking about, he can tell that his mates did a good job at hastily cleaning it. 

“Damn, Huang Renjun. You’re a clean boy.” you’re saying as you look about. “I thought you’d be the artfully messy type.”

Renjun grins as he runs his fingers through his hair. “We can mess it up together if you’d like.” But Renjun mentally smacks himself in the head as soon as the words leave his mouth because you’ve looked up at him and quickly looked away, muttering something awkwardly.

“I… I didn’t mean that. I just meant with like, paint and, like…” Renjun blows air out of his mouth and then your eyes meet. Before you know it, you both are giggling at each other because the awkwardness is probably making you a bit delirious. 

Renjun watches as you take a deep breath to stop the giggles and turn to start looking around. “Oooh. Mr. Fancypants is a tea connoisseur.” you say as you run your hands over his teabag display box. 

Renjun chuckles “Do you want me to make you some?”

“Sure. Let’s have tea, Mr. Fancypants.” you take a seat on his wheelie chair and your eyes go to the artist’s apron you had bought him that is currently hanging on an easel. You give it a fond smile.

“What flavor would you like?” Renjun asks as he puts the kettle on and sets up two mugs.

“Umm… I don’t know tea. I’m a coffee drinker.” you reply, your fingers tracing over the pictures he had at his desk.

“I’ll make you a simple chamomile, then. I’ve seen you and Jaemin enabling each other’s coffee habits and I don’t approve.” he knots his eyebrows.

“Oh no, no, no. Jaemin is on a different level. I took a sip of his coffee by mistake once and my entire life flashed before my eyes. I don’t know if that boy drinks coffee or straight up cocaine.”

Renjun bites his smile because he’s still holding onto the look of disapproval. “That would explain the random spikes and falls in his energy.” he says as he pours out the water in the mugs and seeps the teabags. “Here you go.” he sets your mug on the desk and takes a seat on his bed.

You take a sip “So, which one is your bunk?”

“Top.” Renjun also wants to make an innuendo but he stops himself because the awkwardness surrounding the fact that you and him are alone in his room has only just subsided with the tea.

“Isn’t the bottom bunk more comfortable?” you muse as you drink. You seem to be enjoying your tea because you haven’t set it aside yet.

“Of course it is. It’s why Jisung has it.” he comments, cocking his eyebrow. “And I sleep here on this bed.” He pats where he’s sat.

You grin as you sip then quickly wipe your chin as some tea spills through your smile. “Where do you keep all your paintings?”

“In the studio. On that top bunk. Behind that door. At my grandma’s house.” he lists off on his fingers.

“Why behind the door? If I had your talent, I’d basically cover every bit of my wall in my art. Like the most egomaniacal artist in the world.” you fantasize, looking up at the ceiling.

Renjun chuckles. “I kinda like my space to be a bit cleaner, you know? Because I’m always around art. It kinda helps with my imagination, having a clean environment. It’s almost like a clean canvas.”

“Interesting.” you’ve said and it sounds like you genuinely mean it. “It’s still a bit sad. All the work you’ve created should have a home. It shouldn't be hidden away behind doors or on top bunks.”

“You can give some of them a home if you’d like. If you have space, I mean.” Renjun gives you a fond look. You haven’t replied but you’ve set your mug down and looked at him with a very tender look in your eyes. You stand up.

“I wanna see your bed.”

Renjun grins. “Be my guest.”

“Ooooh.” you make an excited squeal, almost like you're about to enter Dexter’s Laboratory. You plop yourself on it and bounce up and down, almost as if to check the pliability of it.

“So this is where the magic happens.” you giggle and then Renjun finds your gaze moving to a picture frame on his headboard. “Is that your grandma?”

“It is.” Renjun smiles as he watches you pick your feet up and make yourself comfortable.

“She looks exactly like you.” you say, looking back at him with an affectionate look.

“A lot of people say that. People in school used to think I’m adopted because I looked nothing like my parents.” Renjun scoots back to sit next to you.

“Are you close to your parents?” you ask gently, looking at him.

Renjun looks away. 

The two of you hadn’t had that many deep conversations. And anytime you did, he had found a way around it so that nothing was shared, nothing was learnt. 

But no one had ever asked him that… not in so many words. He finds himself shrugging and responding before he can stop himself. “Nah. They don’t even talk to me. They’ve never really cared.”

“How do you know that, Renjun?” you’re asking him in a very soft voice. The kind of voice that has Renjun sharing more than he wants.

“They pretty much abandoned me very young,” Renjun laughs ironically. “They would fight all the time, you know? Like, they really would go at each other one moment then make up the next moment. They kind of forgot they had a son.” Renjun finds himself saying while his eyes fixate on a loose thread on Jisung’s bedsheet. He realizes he’s warm and comfortable and that’s when he notices that you’ve put an arm around him.

“That must have been so hard, to go through that.” you’re speaking to him so softly and your head and your body is angled towards him, giving him all your attention while Renjun talks into the abyss. 

“They were just like… kinda dysfunctional, you know? They fought like crazy and I had to hide away so I wouldn’t hear them. And then the next day, they’d be in each other’s arms like nothing happened. They would pretend like everything was all right. Like the trauma they gave me meant nothing.”

You’re not speaking anymore, only listening. Your hand around him has started to gently stroke his arm. Your other hand softly combs through his hair.

“It was such a vicious cycle and they wouldn’t stop. I think they were kinda addicted to it. They would’ve been happy living like that with each other if it weren’t for me.” He had never shared so much with anyone. But now that he had started, it was difficult to stop.

“Renjun…” you say empathetically and pull him into you. Renjun pauses for a moment, but decides to give in. What did it matter, anyway? He rests his head on your shoulder.

“If it weren’t for my grandma, I wouldn’t even be alive, you know? She saved me from all of that and took me in. She raised me. It wasn’t even her responsibility, but she raised me.”

You are holding him to you and soothingly stroking his hair when you say “Then I think your grandma is the luckiest person in this world. Because she got to see you grow up to be such a good man.”

Renjun feels a lump in his throat grow and before he knows it, there are tears stinging in his eyes. You turn your head and press a kiss into his temple and slowly rock him. It was odd, being here like this, because Renjun realizes that this was the first time you had kissed him. But more than anything else, it was the first time someone had held him like this. 

The last time he remembered being held was probably when he was a child, and it had been his grandma. No one since had held him in their arms to listen to him, to comfort him, to love him without any conditions. No one had tried to take his pain away without wanting something in return. The thought puts more tears in his eyes and he finds himself leaning his weight into you. 

He allows you to hold him and comfort him and coo at him. You’re speaking to him gently but Renjun isn’t hearing your words. He’s only concentrating on the soothing sound of your voice and how melodic it is. He liked hearing you talk. He’s concentrating on how you’re rocking him, and how the movement is slowly lulling him. He liked how warm and soft you were and how protective your arms were. He liked the smell of chamomile on your breath. Had you enjoyed chamomile? He thought you had. Maybe you would’ve enjoyed a different flavor more. Renjun decides he should make you an Earl Grey next time; it would probably be better suited to your caffeine tastes. Maybe you wouldn’t like Earl Grey as much either, but it would be nice to discover that bit about you. He’d make you try all the flavors till he learnt which one your favorite was. 

“How come I never saw your cat?” He asks sleepily after you’ve been quiet for a while.

“Hmm?” you ask, confused.

“Your cat. Galbi. How come I didn’t see him when I came over?” Renjun can feel your smile against his temple.

“Oh. Yeri had dropped him over at the vet’s that day. Do you want to meet him?” you ask him.

“Yeah, it would be nice to meet him.” Renjun says and brings an arm up to cuddle closer into you.

“Okay. Next time you come over, you can meet him… shoulder gangster Renjun.” you’re only whispering at him now as you tease him.

“Mmm.” is the only reply Renjun can manage as he chuckles lazily. He didn’t even feel like killing Donghyuck for telling you about that because he feels so good like this, in your arms. Renjun hasn’t even noticed that you’ve laid him down till he realizes how horizontal he is.

It felt nice. Being held by someone, being protected by someone, being comforted by someone. Your hands haven’t stopped soothing him for a single moment ever since they started. Renjun hadn’t even noticed that you’d put the covers on him. Or that you were kissing the top of his head till he feels the warmth. It all felt so nice. He barely registers that your shirt is wet from his tears. All he feels are the relaxing patterns you’re drawing onto his skin. It’s the last thing he feels as he drifts off. And though you're gone in the morning, Renjun can swear this is the most sound sleep he's slept in many nights. He feels a thousand times lighter, like someone had lifted a heavy weight off of his chest and he was finally breathing fully. 

He smiles as he grabs his phone and sees your name right on the top of his notification list. He reads your message:

‘Hey, shoulder gangster. Sorry I left without telling you but you were sleeping so soundly, I didn’t want to wake you. I wanted to ask you something AND YOU CAN TOTALLY SAY NO. But my brother’s hosting a spring art festival of some sort at my parent’s house this weekend. A lot of his artist friends from his company will be there. Do you maybe wanna come with me?’

And there it was. 

Yes, it was funny how quickly people form habits without really meaning to. And in his new habit, Renjun had forgotten the real reason he was with you in the first place. 

Eyes on the fucking prize, Renjun thinks as his reality comes crashing back on him.

Copyright © 2021 NeoCultureTravesty. All rights reserved.

[duchessofferia]

What are your thoughts so far on the Channel Five series? Will you watch it if you can?

Oh, I’ll find a way to watch it. Even if it means downloading another crappy, virus-ridden vpn that exposes me once more to the creative wasteland that is British TV advertising and regretting the decision thirty minutes into the show, like I did with Tracy Borman’s Anne Boleyn series. I’m gonna see what this ends up looking like.

I should start by saying that we’re still in the pre-release stage and an accurate assessment of what it’s going to be like as a whole isn’t entirely possible. We should be optimistic! I want to be optimistic!

That said!

Every piece of information released so far has had a way of slowly lowering my expectations of what the final result will look like, until they reached a place somewhere between “aesthetically ugly but not overtly offensive” and “The Green Book but make it Tudors”

The show would’ve been susceptible to accusations of outrage marketing and criticism for the story it’s putting a black woman into even if the writer weren’t going around saying “yes, absolutely, we did this for shock value :)” with her own mouth. It implies that Anne, George & Elizabeth’s blackness is going to be an unmentioned, unresolved tidbit put there exclusively to be commoditized for advertising and white guilt wanking. Yes, a black woman getting murdered by her white husband for fertility issues sure is bad, isn’t it. You haven’t shook your head this hard since Precious.

Because that’s always who this was gonna be for in the end, wasn’t it. A white director and a white writer constructed a story for a white audience, with black faces included solely so they could aggrandize themselves with empty racial identity politics without having to seriously interact with the implications of what inserting black people into these situations actually means. It’s the same story it’s always been, for all the cringey “were flipping the script!!” credit the creators are already giving themselves. Henry VIII is gonna murder his wife with false allegations of sexual deviance for her inability to produce a male child and marry another woman who can. Except this time, that murdered wife is black - a member of a community that already has an increased rate of domestic violence and murder, an increased rate of fertility issues, and an assortment of harmful stereotypes about being over sexual and deviant - inserted into an era where black people were still being sold as slaves, a practice in which the Tudors themselves took part. And the creators are too far removed from that reality to begin to address it; just let Jodie and Paapa be there and be black! That’s all we need to do!

The victorious end to Anne’s narrative the show seems to be going with is the one Anne Boleyn stories always tend to go with - Elizabeth became queen, so Anne won in the end! Never mind that Elizabeth and Anne are both black now, so the “victory” in this is in reference to the ascension of a slave trader who actively tried to expel all the black people from England. Do you think Lynsey Miller thought about any of that? Do you think she even knows?

There’s more I could talk about. The costumes are patently hideous. The dialogue is overdone and anachronistic and the taglines are worse. What little we’ve seen of the show’s Jane Seymour heavily implies they’re going down the “dumb girl not like Anne’s Stronk Women™” route that’s been repeated over and over since Anne of the Thousand Days. Ain’t nothing more new age and feminist than rewriting outdated depictions from the 1960s.

There was also something touched on by @anne-the-quene and @elizabeth-shore about how it looks like they’re planning on using ye olde “Jane Boleyn lied about her husband committing incest” story, which with Jane being white and George being black becomes so much fucking worse, dear god (white women getting black men killed on false allegations of sexual indecency is such a deep cutting national wound and Jane didn’t even actually do that who wrote this shit) But that’s a whole other can of worms and this post needs to end at some point, so I’ll just. Wait to see how that plays out, I guess.

TLDR: There are many facets to Anne and George Boleyn’s story that become infinitely more loaded when you put black people in them. Is it possible that they’ll handle those added stakes with sensitivity and tact? Yes! Does it seem likely to me, based off the information we’ve been given so far? No.

[whythinktoomuch]

~pARt thREe~

(pt. i.)  (pt. ii.) 

“She told you, didn’t she?”

Lena stirs, rubbing at her bleary eyes as she sits up—all of which Kara protests in her sleep with a small groan, the arm thrown over Lena’s middle wrapping all the more tightly, insistent yet gentle. 

“We’re doing everything we can to find him,” Alex continues, and Lena thumps firmly at her own chest. “We don’t need your help, Lena. We just need you to focus on getting better, okay?”

Lena rolls her eyes. At this point, she could have said it along with her if she wanted.

U NEED A NEW TAGLINE, Lena writes out.

“Well, hurry up and get better already, and I’ll look into changing it.”

Rolling her eyes again, Lena lets out an emphatic hmph!, and it’s enough to get Kara to jerk awake.

“Mornin’,” she murmurs, her voice is still gravelly from sleep. She flops onto her back and yawns, hair out of place, eyes half-lidded and blinking, and it’s the most perfect ensemble of loveliness that Lena’s heart has ever encountered. Kara grins upon noticing Alex. “Oh, hey… Aw. My two favoritest people in the world…”

Lena feels her entire body stiffen. She shoots a hasty glance back at Alex, who’s already watching her reaction with a curious squint. 

“What time is it?” Kara asks.

“Half past eight,” Alex says.

“Pfft, no, it’s not,” Kara says, snorting. Then she catches sight of the tiny 8:37 in the corner of some news segment playing on TV. “Oh no, oh crap. God, I’m so late! Okay, all right, um... I’ll see you guys later, okay?”

Kara pecks at Lena’s temple before grabbing her jacket and rushing out the door. Lena looks back at Alex; she somehow feels both smug and embarrassed in equal measure. 

Alex just clicks her pen with a sigh. “Yeah, we are so not going to talk about that.”

Lena smiles, treating Alex to a flash of steel and a zipping motion in agreement. She’s more than happy to replay certain moments for herself on her own time.

—

Few weeks later, Lena’s arm is both cast and pain-free. Her elbow’s still creaky and stiff from disuse, but according to Alex, it’s now in perfect working order.

“So, we can be arm wrestling buddies now?” Kara holds out her hand and Lena automatically grabs it—any excuse to touch Kara is a good one, after all.

“Absolutely not,” Alex cuts in, ever the professional spoilsport, tugging at Kara’s collar until she lets go of Lena with a sheepish grin. “I don’t need you undoing all our good work just ‘cause you wanted to impress Lena.”

Kara scoffs in supposed disbelief, but her cheeks betray her with a rather bright shade of pink. “I wasn’t… I wouldn’t even—hah.”

The pleasant color in Kara’s cheeks only serves to embolden Lena though, and she reaches out to give Kara’s bicep a comforting squeeze. It makes the blush about a 1000 times worse.

“Jesus, just let me finish my checks and y’all can go back to being weird together,” Alex says.

“We’re not—” Kara starts, but her grumbles are cut short by some breaking news taking over the TV: a gas main explosion at a children’s hospital.

“Kara,” Alex says, whipping her head around. 

“Already on my way.” The cheery warmth in Kara’s tone has given way to something much more assertive. A hard edge casts over her entire face and form, her shoulders squaring, her glasses whipped off then abandoned.

Lena barely has time to wonder if a CatCo writer really needed to be at the site of such a dangerous scene when Kara disappears in whirl of dust and wind, sending little knickknacks flying everywhere in her wake. Then Supergirl appears on her screen, saving people and taming the blaze in real time.

And suddenly... Lena can’t breathe.

“Lena? Lena!” Alex rushes to her side. “What’s wrong? What is it? Is it your elbow? Lena, what’s—”

Lena shoves at Alex, but the momentum is all but lost amid all the gasping, her lungs already cramped and struggling to accommodate the violent heaves of breath. She feels sick. She feels like she’s dying. She feels like dying. She feels like the world is closing in on her, tightening around her steadily contracting throat, and she can’t see anything past the overflowing tears, and she just can’t—she simply cannot—fucking breathe…

“Lena, come on! You’re all right. You’re okay,” Alex insists as she catches Lena around her wrists, stilling her flailing arms with a grunt. “Hey! Look at me! You’re okay. Just let me help you.”

But Lena tears herself from Alex’s grip, covers her face with trembling hands and just cries and cries.

“… Lena, come on… You gotta work with me here. What’s wrong?”

Lena jerks away from the gentle touch. She slams her eyes shut, unable to witness what would surely be an extraordinary display of heroism depicted on the small screen. “Kara.” It hurts her jaw and everything else inside her to say it, but she does. Sobbing, practically wailing the name over and over again.

“What about Kara?” Alex demands, incredulous. “It’s… it’s just a fire. She’ll be right back. She’s been in way tougher scrapes than this. She’s going to be fine.”

But Lena refuses to be consoled, clawing at Alex’s arms whenever she tries to approach her again. Then gradually—irrevocably and just so very regrettably—it dawns on Alex.

“You didn’t know,” Alex says with a resigned sigh, and Lena can barely hear the words over her own wheezing. “You don’t remember.”

—

Lena eventually allows herself to be sedated, giving Alex the go-ahead only once all the aching has exhaustively passed the point of tolerance. But still, she tries to fight it. Struggles against the medically induced respite for as long as possible. Because it’s only a matter of time now. All she has left to do is wait.

—

It’s dark when Lena is roused from her shallow slumber. The room smells like ash, windswept smoke, and gasoline. Supergirl’s leaning against the far corner, arms loosely crossed at her chest.

“Hey,” she says, and Lena just waits. “I’m sorry... I thought you knew. This whole time, I thought we were…”

A single tear rolls down Lena’s cheek. She waits even longer this time.

“Lena…” Kara takes one step closer, freezing in place when Lena makes no move to receive or repel her. “Look, I know… I know I should have told you so long ago, I know, I know.”

Then she goes on to explain. The excuses she’s told herself. The misguided attempts to keep Lena as a friend despite her differences with Supergirl. Her own selfishness. Her fears. All the inevitable regrets that came with all of the deceit…

It sounds heartfelt.

It feels rehearsed.

A lot of it, Lena is sure, must come from some place indistinguishable from the truth.

Kara ends on a tearful note, begging Lena to please say something in response, setting the mini-whiteboard onto Lena’s lap so carefully, so gently with hands that could destroy entire worlds and lives on the simplest of whims.

After a long enough pause, Lena drops her gaze down to her lap. Her fingers twitch as she eyes the marker sitting by her hand. She slowly reaches for the whiteboard, grip tightening on the corner so hard that the melamine creaks. Then, with all the force she could muster with her newly repaired arm, Lena flings the board across the room.

It bounces off Kara’s perfectly stoic face and clatters to the ground.

The silence rings out, disrupted only by Lena’s breath heaving through painfully gritted teeth.

Kara’s jaw clenches, then she swallows hard and nods. “Understood,” she says, and is gone from the room in the next instant.

Breath hitching and sobbing out uncontrollably, Lena falls back onto the bed and sheds tears that she was so sure had already long since been spilled by now. 

(next part here)

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

She [2]

Warnings: non-consent sex (series)

This is dark! Steve and explicit. 18+ only.

Series Synopsis: Steve Rogers’ life is turned upside down by a reporter.

Chapter Summary: Steve deals with the aftermath of his recent notoriety.

Note: Alright, so I know this starts slow but I promise it is a steady creep towards the finish line. 

Thanks to everyone for their patience and feedback. :)

I really hope you enjoy. 💋

<3 Let me know what you think with a like or reblog or reply or an ask! Love ya!

Steve

It was a morning like any other. Steve woke up, pulled on his track pants and a light blue tee, and took his time tying his old sneakers. He stretched as he neared the door and hopped down the front steps of his walk-up. It was early and as quiet as New York got.

He set off on his usual route. It was his only chance to just lose himself. He could just run and not think about everything that awaited him. He was due at the compound that day; another briefing. That one thought tugged at his mind. Was it time?

When he returned to his townhouse, he jogged up his steps and let himself inside. He had some water and made his usual breakfast. Two eggs and four strips of bacon with rye toast. He sat and ate alone. The place felt empty.

It had taken him over two years to renovate the place and he missed the flurry of activity. He hadn’t felt so lonely then, even when half the world had disappeared. Now it was just him. He felt less and less himself every day. Bitter, resentful, tired.

He rinsed his dishes as he stared at the deep red tiles above the sink. He sighed. He’d tried dating. He was about as great at it was he had been when he weighed as much as his left leg. He dried the plate and placed it among the stack. He didn’t know why he had so many; it was only ever him. The glass went with the rest and the utensils clattered loudly into the drawer. 

A buzz sounded. The noise was quiet but nagging. He often ignored it. He left his phone by the door when he got home to charge and only took it when he went to work. It continued to vibrate. It was ringing. He unhooked the cord and answered as Fury’s name flashed up at him.

“Rogers,” He answered as he headed upstairs. “I’m on my way. I’m not due for another--”

“You’re due when I say you’re due,” Fury snapped. “Which is now.”

“Alright, just let me get dressed,” Steve huffed as he sat on his bed and kicked off his shoes. 

“Maybe start answering your phone,” Fury snarled.

“It was charging.” Steve argued. 

The line went dead. He tossed the phone on the mattress and leaned forward with his elbows on his knees. For all he did, it was never a please or thank you, it was only more, more, more. 

He stood and pushed his hair back. He’d take his time just to spite Fury. The biggest act of defiance he could muster. He went into the bathroom and cranked on the shower. He closed the glass door and let it steam up before he stripped. He glanced in the mirror. 

He wondered what life would have been if he had stayed the skinny boy who punched up. He was certain even that would be a happier existence than this. He had sold his soul for what? It didn’t have to be him, it could have been anyone. Why had he always insisted on being the big guy? The hero?

He pulled open the shower and stepped inside. The cloud of steam settled over him and he closed his eyes. No, it did have to be him because there was no one like Steve Rogers.

🖋️

Steve walked into the compound. He was agitated. He had been accosted coming out of his house by some photographer and had resisted the urge to swat him away like a fly as he unlocked his car. The compound was worse. A dozen people with cameras awaited him as he pulled up to the parking lot gate and waited for the booth operator to let him in.

He took the stairs. Fury greeted him with crossed arms and his usual one-eyed sneer. This couldn’t be good. He held a magazine and turned it to reveal the cover. Steve squinted and shrugged as he stopped before the irritable man.

“Look closer,” Fury shoved the magazine towards him. 

In the corner, Steve recognized himself. An edited photo which showed half of his face with his cowl on and the other without. A small tagline stood out below: ‘The Man Without A Plan: Steve Rogers’ Struggle for Stability’. He grabbed the issue and looked closer at the glossy cover in shock.

“Shit,” He swore.

“Shit?” Fury repeated. “So I guess I don’t have to remind you of what you said to that reporter.”

“Why are you mad at me? You approved the interview.” Steve flipped through the pages to the exclusive.

“But I didn’t give the interview. If I had, it wouldn’t have made the front cover,” Fury hissed.

“No, it would all be redacted,” Steve started to read through. “I didn’t--”

“You didn’t say any of that?” Fury challenged.

“No…” Steve looked up. “I did but I…”

“You let a journalist get the best of you.” Fury shook his head. “And now your plastered all over the city.”

“It’s one magazine,” Steve said.

“You need to start using that goddamn phone of yours.” Fury reached into his pocket and pulled out his cell. He quickly typed and turned it to Steve. “Search yourself once in a while. I know it’s tacky but shit.”

Steve read over the top news articles; ‘Steve Rogers lashes out at journalist in report’ and ‘Rogers’ Dilemma: Hero condemns ungrateful civilians’. He pulled back and looked at the magazine again. The stabbing in his heart turned to fire.

“That little--” He clamped his lips together to keep from swearing. 

“Come on,” Fury glanced around. “Let’s talk somewhere else. This much attention on you, we can’t be too careful.”

He followed Fury through the halls and past several training rooms. He thought of the reporter and her pensive eyes. The way she’d watched him so closely as she scribbled on her notepad. She’d seemed harmless until she started asking questions. 

After he calmed down, he’d nearly forgotten about the whole debacle. He assumed it would be buried like most of his interviews. One day of press and then done.

Fury led him into the plain office which looked like it was never used. It was as clean and clinical as an operating room. Fury leaned on the desk as Steve pored over the last lines of the article and paced.

“There’s not gonna be a briefing this morning,” Fury said. “Not for you.”

“What--?”

“It’s best we keep this quiet but… Rogers, you need a break. Take it.” Fury pushed back his long leather duster as he gripped his hips. “Maybe get away from the city until this all dies down.”

“Get away? This is my city,” Steve hissed. “I won’t be run out by some… some…”

Bitch! He wanted to say but he held it in. Even in front of this man, he had to put on a mask. He could never just say what he was thinking. What he was feeling. He bent the magazine and hit it with his palm.

“It’s just an article. Christ. I think my job is a little bigger than some gossip rag.” Steve huffed.

“I’d agree but it’s not just my call and it’s not just about you. We have a team, a younger team now. They can’t be distracted by all this.” Fury said.

“How long?” Steve asked.

“Two weeks.” Fury replied. “For now.”

“For now?” Steve repeated. 

“It should all die down before then but if it doesn’t…”

“This is bullshit.” Steve barked. “What did I say that was so wrong?”

“The concern is your temper and as ridiculous as I thought that was, I’m starting to see the sense in it.” Fury sneered. “You need to calm down, Captain.”

“I don’t have a temper problem.” Steve snarled.

“Why don’t you read that again? You were hostile and some would think intentionally trying to intimidate that reporter. A female.” Fury said pointedly. “Who, by the looks of her, isn’t much of a match for a super soldier.”

“I was across the room from her,” Steve argued. “I didn’t even raise my voice.”

“People won’t know that. They know that you got aggressive, quickly it seems, and then shut down the interview abruptly.” Fury took a breath. “You’re only lucky she stopped where she did.”

Steve glared at Fury. He gritted his teeth as he gripped the magazine tighter.

“Fine,” He uttered. “Two weeks.”

🖋️

Steve didn’t realize he still had the magazine in his hand until he got in his car. He sat, staring blindly out the windshield, then slowly looked down. It was bent in his grip and as he let it fall onto the passenger seat, it remained warped. He shoved his key in the slot and turned the engine.

Still, he didn’t budge. He grasped the steering wheel and a rumble began deep in his chest. A carnal growl. He invited her into his home and she ruined his reputation in return. 

Perhaps he was still the naive little Brooklyn boy. He thought she was so sweet over the phone. She was just as self-serving and apathetic as everyone else in this world. The very same he had saved, time and time again.

He pulled out sharply and flashed his pass to the booth. There were still photographers out on the sidewalk; waiting for him. He drove without thinking. He had never felt so angry. He had never let himself be this angry. Always holding it in for the sake of others. Always compromising his feelings because it was ‘right’.

He stopped parallel to the curb. His vision cleared and he peered up at the tall building. He shouldn’t have come here but he was there and he couldn’t stop himself. He turned off his car and waited.

He muted his phone as it kept buzzing; Bucky, Sam, all his team members. Asking where he was or maybe about his new found infamy. Well, he wasn’t their leader anymore. Not for the next two weeks so they could take care of themselves as he found something else to do. Something for himself, for once in his life.

He didn’t know how long he waited. Probably too long. An hour or two. Then he saw her. She appeared through the front doors of the building, her attention on the open purse in her hand. She dropped it as a camera flashed and Steve leaned his seat back as he watched her scramble for the overturned contents.

She didn’t look malicious. At a glance, she was just another girl. She picked up her purse and resumed her route past the photographer. He watched her through the rear view as she disappeared into a sandwich shop just a few buildings down. 

He readjusted his seat and hovered his hand over the ignition. He paused and closed his eyes. What was he doing? Let it go. It would all just go away.

He started the car and pulled out into traffic. He was edgy and found himself leaning a bit too hard on the gas. He stopped short as he almost hit another car. He punched the dash and swore. She could play innocent but she wouldn’t get away with it. Not if he had anything to say about it.

🖋️

Steve went home but not for long. Another photographer outside his house as if he would give them a show on his front stoop. He went inside and paced his front room then went to the kitchen and looked in the fridge. He wasn’t hungry. He went upstairs and changed. Black pants, grey hoodie, a dark blue ball cap to cover his blonde hair. He fished out his only pair of sunglasses and found his way back to the first floor.

He peeked through the window. The photographer was still there. He went to the back and glanced out into the small fenced yard. Nothing but the patio set he had yet to use and overgrown grass. He went back and grabbed his keys and wallet. He sneaked out through the back gate, careful that no one saw him slip down the next street.

He walked to the subway and strode down into the station. He checked the time as he climbed on the train. He sat by the door and his leg jiggled impatiently. He stopped it with his hand and looked around. No one else seemed to notice his anxiety or him. It had been a long time since he felt invisible.

He got off and slipped past the crowds. He walked the same street he had lingered on hours before. He kept to the other side of the street as he checked the time again. Would she already be gone? He kept to the mouth of the alley and watched the photographers as they waited by the front doors.

When she came out, it was the same as before. She scurried away from her own ilk as they attempted to talk to her and catch her in their lens. They left her at the subway entrance; their cameras too expensive to chance in the underground. Besides it would be difficult enough to get a shot in a car full of people.

He crossed the street and quickly descended the grimy steps behind her. He caught sight of her just before she disappeared onto her platform. He kept his distance, far enough that he’d get on the next car. The train pulled up and he watched her step inside before he mirrored her.

When the train shifted, he waited a minute before he slipped through the doors to the next car. He sat at the end as she huddled in a seat on the other side. She kept her head down, her eyes on her phone. The old New York solitary. She looked entirely vulnerable and it made something inside of him flinch. A subtle snap as he couldn’t look away even as she did nothing at all. 

She was nothing compared to him. He could break her as easily as he did criminals and villains. Probably easier. He gulped as he pushed his shoulders back and tried to resist the thoughts. No. He wasn’t that. He didn’t do that. 

But what was he doing? Following her; watching her. He hadn’t thought about that. He’d just done it. What would he do from here? Follow her home and what? He could try talking to her but for what? The damage was done; she couldn’t undo what she’d done. And she likely wouldn’t want to. 

She had used him to climb her way up the ladder. Now her name was featured alongside his and the world was at her feet. She was the innocent and he was her antagonist. Well, if that’s what she wanted.

As the train stopped, she stood and he did too. Almost too quickly. He slowed and kept several bodies between them as he followed her out onto the platform. She continued up onto the streets and he stayed with her. Close enough to see her but far enough she wouldn’t see him.

Her building was among many sentinels looming along the New York skyline. Boxy overpriced apartments which were often barely more than a single room. He watched her flit inside and waited. Slowly, he approached the door and stepped inside the small entryway. It was empty. 

He searched the rows of buttons for her name. The speaker was outdated and dirty. Even he could tell. Her last name was half-faded. He memorized her number and went back out into the street. He inhaled and shoved his hands in his pockets as he coolly walked on. He stopped just past her building and looked down the alleyway between it and the next.

The dimming sky contrasted the wrought metal of fire escape. He glanced over his shoulder and turned down the alley. The dumpster stunk and broken bottles littered the ground around it. He stopped beyond the stinking box and looked up. He bent his knees and jumped, catching himself on the bottom rung of the ladder.

He pulled himself up. Second floor, he noted. He climbed the first set of stairs and the next and on until he reached her floor. He counted the windows across the side of the building but it barely helped. He didn’t know where they started and ended.

He went to the end of the escape and the window beside him lit up. He ducked and listened. He could hear every step on the other side of the wall. His enhanced ears could even measure the heart beat within. He slowly raised himself and peeked over the window ledge.

He couldn’t believe his luck. Or the coincidence. It was her. Her purse was on the table as she removed her blazer. Her small apartment was cluttered but not messy. She yawned as she went to the fridge. She took out a slim can of sparkling water and opened it. She searched the shelves and pulled out a styrofoam box. She picked at the contents with a fork as she leaned on the narrow counter.

She slid her phone from her pocket and set it beside her leftovers as she scrolled with her finger. She turned it over and pushed it away from her. She sighed and flipped the lid closed. She tossed the container in the bin and crossed to the couch on the other side of the counter. 

She dropped down and flipped on the television. She spread out with her head against the arm. He could see her face as she wriggled and pulled the tails of her blouse from inside her pants. She unbuttoned just the first few buttons and then let her arm hang off the side. She fiddled with the remote then set it on the low table in front of the couch.

He watched her for a while. She didn’t do much. She just laid there. She turned onto her side and took off her socks. She closed her eyes but opened them shortly after. She changed the channel again and he backed away from the window.

He thought of forcing it open but didn’t dare to think beyond that. The little tug at the back of his mind scared him. What would he do if he just went in there? What could he do? He shuddered and crawled over to the stairs. He descended carefully.

When he reached the ground, he dropped down and took a breath. There was a heartbeat racing in his ears. It was his. He looked up and licked his lips. It took all his strength to walk away.

[hgfstreamchats]

Christmas Eve Eve Stream

Knock Out9:21:45 PM Hello there!

thenightetc9:21:53 PM Hello!

Mimic9:22:12 PM Hello! I am on time for once!

Knock Out9:22:38 PM Perfect!

Knock Out9:23:19 PM CHANGED THE VIDEO TO Knock Out's screen

Jakson 9:23:22 PM good evening!

Knock Out9:23:37 PM Here she goes!

thenightetc9:23:42 PM Uh oh!

Belle9:24:16 PM hi all

thenightetc9:24:25 PM Funny, it seems like only a few months ago we were watching that Futurama episode

Knock Out9:24:31 PM It always does.

Knock Out9:25:14 PM There they are!

thenightetc9:25:55 PM They all look just so thrilled to be there.

Knock Out9:26:13 PM The last thing they remember is Sarah Brightman coming through their bedroom windows.

Caroline9:27:41 PM Sarah Brightman's allowed to trespass wherever she wants. If you ask me.

Caroline9:27:48 PM Also, hello!

Belle9:28:00 PM Hey, where are the sock puppets? The tagline promised sockpuppets.

thenightetc9:28:14 PM These are very advanced sockpuppets.

Belle9:28:23 PM Ah, that explains it.

Knock Out9:29:12 PM Caroline human? Is that you?

Caroline9:29:24 PM :) Hi, Doctor.

Knock Out9:30:19 PM It's a Christmas miracle!

Knock Out9:30:26 PM How's life been treating you?

Belle9:31:12 PM Looks like Glasgow.

Caroline9:31:16 PM It's had its ups, downs, sideways, backways - lively, to say the least. How've you been, dear?

Knock Out9:31:32 PM Ups, downs, sideways, backways, and lively to say the least.

Caroline9:31:52 PM And we're all still somehow alive and kicking.

Caroline9:32:01 PM It's a Festivus miracle!

Caroline9:32:24 PM Wait - that Neptunian stuffed his dinner down his pants.

Knock Out9:32:36 PM And not one of those horrid everyday miracles, like a sunrise!

thenightetc9:32:46 PM Well, how did you think they ate?

Caroline9:32:58 PM /Hygienically!/

Knock Out9:33:47 PM You have no way of knowing how hygienic they are or aren't down below.

Caroline9:34:02 PM Money's on "aren't."

thenightetc9:34:11 PM I'm saying whatever they eat with is in their pants.

Knock Out9:35:00 PM There's an argument to be made that anyone who can eat that way should be allowed to.

Belle9:35:14 PM Well, it coould be worse, he could be in a wall instead of the floor.

Knock Out9:35:37 PM Time for the Eradicon Christmas anthem!

Caroline9:36:12 PM I never expected the Eradicon Xmas anthem to be so... jolly?

Mimic9:36:32 PM I mean where's any other emotion gotten them

Knock Out9:36:36 PM Propaganda will do that to you.

Caroline9:36:55 PM I hope they at least get overtime.

Belle9:36:56 PM This is still less exploitative than Amazon warehouses.

Caroline9:37:04 PM Much, much less.

Knock Out9:39:52 PM Ratchet soon enough.

Caroline9:40:26 PM Chanukah Zombie. I'm curious.

Caroline9:44:09 PM A Magnexecutor 1) sounds like a Pokemon 2) cannot be ethical.

Mimic9:44:22 PM Santabot, Chanukah Zombie, and Kwanzaabot all get a musical number in one of the movies

Caroline9:44:36 PM I'm Santa Claus.

thenightetc9:44:38 PM My favorite part.

Mimic9:44:38 PM iirc

thenightetc9:45:42 PM Heh!

thenightetc9:47:56 PM My other favorite part.

Caroline9:48:22 PM Santabot would be able to see you when you're sleeping and know when you're awake.

Caroline9:48:29 PM Not unlike Soundwave, when you think about it.

Knock Out9:49:08 PM Just because we can't see or speak to him anymore doesn't mean he's not watching. Always watching.

Knock Out9:49:18 PM CHANGED THE VIDEO TO Knock Out's screen

Belle9:49:24 PM Ah the joy of shuddering in terror knowing you were on his list.

Caroline9:49:57 PM That dude's name is Mr. Please?

thenightetc9:50:44 PM That egg must be made of rock.

Caroline9:50:55 PM Maybe it came from a rock dove.

thenightetc9:51:11 PM "Dinner!"

Knock Out9:51:25 PM "There might be a fetal bird inside! Meat!"

Caroline9:51:35 PM It's ADORABLE.

thenightetc9:51:48 PM Looks kind of... owlish.

Knock Out9:51:52 PM NO.

thenightetc9:52:23 PM What is with the mouse ears on that bird

Knock Out9:52:47 PM All I see is a mouse with wings.

thenightetc9:52:58 PM Are they fake ears?

Knock Out9:53:01 PM Yes.

Belle9:53:24 PM Clearly living in all the pollution from that trash has mutated it.

Caroline9:53:47 PM What if the pollution /gave/ her ears?

Knock Out9:54:13 PM She also has scales and a bleeding disorder.

Caroline9:54:37 PM She looks remarkably well, all things considered!

Mimic9:54:44 PM indeed!

thenightetc9:55:06 PM They are going to nocie that sticky trail of jam

thenightetc9:55:55 PM The funny thing is, if they'd ONLY seen a bird, it would've been fine

thenightetc9:56:16 PM They would have just opened a window and shooed her out

Knock Out9:56:54 PM It would have been charming.

Belle9:59:17 PM Magpies... That is one for sorrow.

Caroline10:00:04 PM Never seen a house described as "" before. Fascinating.

thenightetc10:01:10 PM omg

Caroline10:01:15 PM Ah yes, the real spirit of the season. Accumulating Things.

Belle10:01:28 PM Where is the lie?

thenightetc10:01:41 PM He's using that broken wing a lot

Knock Out10:01:44 PM If there's a lie I'm not seeing it.

Caroline10:02:19 PM He's one rusty spoon away from turning into Salad Fingers.

Knock Out10:02:35 PM The feeling of rust against his wingtips is almost orgasmic.

thenightetc10:02:44 PM No.

thenightetc10:03:11 PM hoo boy

Caroline10:03:34 PM Christmas capers are the best sort of caper.

thenightetc10:03:56 PM Don't you give him that look. You're just as bad at sneaking.

thenightetc10:04:45 PM HAHAHAHHAHA

Caroline10:04:52 PM omg

Caroline10:04:56 PM OMG

Knock Out10:05:13 PM I want three hours of the ""sneaky"" bird.

Belle10:05:30 PM The birds that stole Xmas.

Caroline10:05:37 PM I think you could get at best three minutes.

thenightetc10:05:48 PM Putting WEIGHT on the broken wing

Caroline10:06:20 PM I really hope this family has bird insurance.

thenightetc10:07:56 PM This cat is mean and I love it.

thenightetc10:09:33 PM OH NO

Caroline10:09:41 PM It EXPLODED

thenightetc10:09:48 PM Fireworks shed!

Caroline10:10:24 PM Even the gnomes pity her.

Belle10:10:27 PM No, you're a terrible bird.

Knock Out10:13:13 PM The father mouse has an oddly comforting voice.

thenightetc10:13:34 PM "but instead I wrecked their entire living room, almost got eaten, and set off an entire shed full of fireworks"

Caroline10:13:37 PM He does - it's quite soothing.

Belle10:13:51 PM The moral of the story is that you can be totally incompetent no matter your species.

Knock Out10:14:16 PM No matter what the circumstances of your birth, you can become a laughingstock that nearly gets everyone killed.

Caroline10:15:13 PM Branch gonna crack in three... two...

thenightetc10:15:39 PM f

Caroline10:15:43 PM f

Mimic10:16:44 PM little confusing, yes

Caroline10:16:55 PM She's not a mouse, but she is a Mouse.

thenightetc10:17:01 PM Heh.

Belle10:18:27 PM And later the humans died of weils disease.

Knock Out10:18:28 PM A week later they were dead of hantavirus.

Knock Out10:18:32 PM That too.

Caroline10:18:39 PM Reeses in pieces.

Knock Out10:18:54 PM Alright! Time for Rifftrax!

Knock Out10:19:09 PM CHANGED THE VIDEO TO Knock Out's screen

Caroline10:19:24 PM Y'know, I've never actually seen It's a Wonderful Life.

thenightetc10:19:42 PM A charming holiday story about having someone to draw aggro away from the rest of the party.

Belle10:19:47 PM It is a heartwarming tale of fiscal incompetence

Caroline10:20:16 PM That could apply to a host of Christmas movies.

Knock Out10:20:26 PM It's a lovely tale of how it's fine to blackmail someone nude in the bushes.

Mimic10:20:36 PM delightful AND wholesome

Caroline10:20:45 PM Why would you blackmail someone nude in the bushes? Shouldn't you put your clothes on?

Knock Out10:20:58 PM You keep Christmas in your way and let me keep it in mine.

Caroline10:22:05 PM ... I didn't know galaxies could talk.

Belle10:22:16 PM Astronomers are shitting their britches seeing those galaxies flash like that

thenightetc10:22:43 PM "this is important, so we'd better send our DUMBEST angel"

Belle10:22:46 PM Gamma ray bursts of unprecedented magnitude must behurtling through space, sterilising everything in their path.

Caroline10:22:55 PM But he has the faith of a child!

Caroline10:23:17 PM Everybody's really bullying this guy for not having wings.

Knock Out10:23:40 PM The story turns into Last Contact.

Caroline10:25:01 PM This is breaking child labor laws, I'm sure of it.

Knock Out10:25:27 PM Leave the 10 year old in charge of the dimethylmercury.

Belle10:26:15 PM At least he'll have access to the Tri-Nitro-Toluene, every kid should

Caroline10:26:32 PM Wait, did he say three or four wives?

Caroline10:26:54 PM Why are all these children so adultlike?

Belle10:26:55 PM His hero was Henry VIII

Caroline10:27:59 PM All right, I'm scared this dude's gonna croak in front of the kid.

Belle10:28:31 PM Harvest season for the moneylenders

thenightetc10:28:38 PM Uh oh!

Caroline10:28:53 PM "shove me up"

Knock Out10:29:53 PM What bots hear before doing something that's guaranteed to land them in my office.

Caroline10:30:20 PM Child abuse is one thing, but child abuse in the back of the apothecary is very dangerous.

thenightetc10:30:38 PM Taste it

Belle10:30:57 PM Something could be poison, so stick it in your mouth to check

Belle10:31:00 PM Smart

Caroline10:31:17 PM We all want a big one, George Bailey.

thenightetc10:31:39 PM Oh my god.

Caroline10:31:48 PM He wants the Scherezade deal.

Caroline10:32:19 PM I also like cows.

Belle10:32:35 PM You know, if you catch a pharmacist in a mistake then you're morally obligated to inform the industry regulator so they can assess continuing fitness to practice

Knock Out10:32:41 PM CHANGED THE VIDEO TO Knock Out's screen

thenightetc10:32:57 PM No, no, you should cover it up, then they owe you one!

thenightetc10:33:09 PM Forever.

Caroline10:33:10 PM ^ And that's how you blackmail.

Caroline10:33:37 PM The car did literally go "AWOOGA"

Belle10:34:00 PM Knock Out, have you ever awooga'd a human?

Knock Out10:34:16 PM Never in a million vorns.

Caroline10:34:27 PM Someone doesn't remember watching Labyrinth.

Knock Out10:35:02 PM He was playing something nonhuman. Doesn't count.

Caroline10:35:09 PM Fair.

Belle10:35:30 PM The Bowie creature transcended all mortal designations

thenightetc10:35:43 PM "use that new floor"

Knock Out10:35:47 PM And that clever little bit of prose afterwards turned him into a bot.

Knock Out10:35:51 PM So *that* doesn't count.

thenightetc10:37:02 PM Certainly not.

Caroline10:39:06 PM I can't tell how old anyone here is.

Knock Out10:39:21 PM Spry young 39 year olds.

thenightetc10:39:33 PM That guy was the class president

Caroline10:39:43 PM He colluded.

Caroline10:40:22 PM Best. Wingman. Ever.

Caroline10:40:34 PM "George, Mary. Mary, George. DEUCES"

Caroline10:42:25 PM Are they going to kill George?!

Belle10:42:29 PM They say swimming pool, but it works more like a Bond villain death trap

Caroline10:42:57 PM JUST LOOK BEHIND YOU

Caroline10:42:57 PM ONCE

Caroline10:42:59 PM //ONCE//

thenightetc10:43:03 PM Whoopsie!

Caroline10:43:08 PM STOP CHARLESTONING

Belle10:43:18 PM spatial awareness not their forte

Mimic10:43:29 PM apparently they're gonna charleston til they drop

Caroline10:43:36 PM Everyone in the US was still under the influence of lead poisoning. I blame that.

thenightetc10:44:38 PM ........

Caroline10:44:45 PM George may not know how to count.

thenightetc10:44:52 PM Jesus, dude

Belle10:45:24 PM His character is what, twenty four? And he's creeping on an eighteen year old.

Knock Out10:45:30 PM Night human, any suggestions on how to stop the stuttering?

thenightetc10:45:49 PM None whatsoever, sorry. Although I'm not seeing any stuttering just now.

thenightetc10:46:05 PM "Wow, eighteen! So, technically, I wouldn't be a criminal if"

Knock Out10:46:15 PM NO.

thenightetc10:46:40 PM It was the subtext anyway.

thenightetc10:47:01 PM Just, godawful.

Caroline10:47:09 PM WHOA, George

thenightetc10:47:26 PM *facepalm*

Caroline10:47:41 PM Aww, they disappointed Porch Guy.

Knock Out10:47:54 PM He has so little going on.

Caroline10:48:01 PM Not the brightest knife in the shed.

thenightetc10:48:04 PM Oh god.

thenightetc10:48:15 PM ...

Caroline10:48:18 PM ...

Knock Out10:48:25 PM Because of the implication.

Caroline10:48:37 PM He's not actually gonna hurt Mary, is he?!

Belle10:48:39 PM This is a huge cluster of sexual predator red flags

thenightetc10:48:43 PM Y'know what? Don't bother saving this guy. He can just jump off that bridge.

Caroline10:48:53 PM "They'd be on my side" Jeeeesus

Knock Out10:49:12 PM No! Why would he hurt Mary?

Belle10:49:20 PM Mary isn't sorry

Knock Out10:49:25 PM She's going to go along with this. Because of the implication.

Caroline10:49:52 PM So she IS in danger!

thenightetc10:51:01 PM No, he died of shame over what his son was trying to do.

Knock Out10:51:28 PM No one's in any danger! It's the implication of danger.

Knock Out10:52:50 PM This didn't age at all, did it?

Caroline10:52:59 PM Not in the least.

Belle10:53:07 PM Not at all.

Caroline10:53:24 PM Well, we have less child labor in pharmacies.

Caroline10:53:29 PM But that's about it.

Caroline10:53:52 PM ... There's just a crow. In their office.

Caroline10:54:02 PM I hope he works there.

Knock Out10:54:03 PM You mean you decided against having 11 year olds sell you cocaine drops?

Belle10:54:16 PM I believe Wisconsin is bringing back child labor

Knock Out10:54:22 PM Of course they are.

Caroline10:54:31 PM They'd eat the cocaine drops. With gusto.

Knock Out10:54:51 PM That'd teach them some kind of a lesson.

Belle10:54:53 PM It was either bring back child labour or start paying people a living wage

Caroline10:55:32 PM Bubble wrap /is/ an exciting sound.

Belle10:55:42 PM In a couple of years there will be unlimited opportunities to travel through Western Europe and also the Far East

Mimic10:56:18 PM it'll have to be a working vacation but it will be a very explosively growing industry.

Belle10:57:31 PM Wait, is she her father's beard?

Knock Out10:57:37 PM Yes.

thenightetc10:57:42 PM Hm.

Caroline10:57:47 PM If only he could grow his own.

Caroline10:57:52 PM ... In a way, he kind of did!

Caroline10:58:28 PM He's fine. Drunks bounce.

Belle10:58:33 PM Damn, they can't claim his life insurance

Belle11:00:05 PM Dude, it's been four years and if the other members of the board know you want to leave and still haven't stepped up to hire a replacement, then just go. They clearly don't care about the bank.

Caroline11:00:42 PM Necking? Is Nancy Reagan at the party?

thenightetc11:01:02 PM Just stop in the middle of the road there.

Belle11:01:13 PM He is still coming across like a sexual predator

thenightetc11:02:06 PM Where indeed

Caroline11:02:13 PM Did a peanut gallery just materialize?

thenightetc11:02:18 PM Apparently!

Belle11:02:27 PM Uh oh, that is a federal offense

Caroline11:03:20 PM She drew him /fanart/.

thenightetc11:03:45 PM Christ, dude

Caroline11:05:12 PM He's his own wet blanket.

Belle11:05:18 PM What does she see in him?

thenightetc11:05:19 PM He really is.

Caroline11:05:31 PM Maybe it's because he's tall?

Caroline11:05:56 PM ...

thenightetc11:06:00 PM ...

Mimic11:06:22 PM well.

Caroline11:06:34 PM That was unnecessary.

Caroline11:06:47 PM "hee-haw"

Caroline11:08:00 PM Please stop smelling her hair, Dennis.

Caroline11:08:03 PM I mean, George.

Knock Out11:08:12 PM Gennis.

Caroline11:08:18 PM /Genius./

thenightetc11:08:22 PM Dorge.

Caroline11:08:29 PM such predator

Caroline11:08:32 PM many creep

Caroline11:08:34 PM waow

Belle11:08:56 PM Mary, use your duress word.

thenightetc11:09:38 PM What the hell

Caroline11:09:52 PM Forreal

Caroline11:10:08 PM Wait, did they just get married upstairs?

thenightetc11:11:20 PM What on earth happened on that phone call and how did it lead to this

Caroline11:11:57 PM That phone call apparently caused the stock market to crash.

Caroline11:13:57 PM Wow, this /really/ didn't age.

thenightetc11:14:41 PM This is why there's FDIC insurance on bank accounts now.

Belle11:16:49 PM At some point you have to ask if the town is worth saving

Knock Out11:17:22 PM Pull the plug. Show mercy.

Caroline11:18:38 PM The two grand lasted eight miraculous hours.

Belle11:18:44 PM Is he offering personal unsecured loans? That seems unwise, and possibly illegal.

Caroline11:19:03 PM Technically, Mary offered it.

Caroline11:19:07 PM Can't testify against your spouse!

Belle11:19:25 PM Did he give Mary away as a loan too?

Caroline11:21:00 PM Because who wouldn't want to make violent love in a ramshackle old house on their honeymoon.

Knock Out11:21:23 PM ...I mean, it's not as though we had any other choice.

Caroline11:21:34 PM No, but that's what makes it memorable.

Caroline11:21:39 PM You make do.

Belle11:21:43 PM staying in the ramshackle house, or the violent love?

Caroline11:22:23 PM ... Is the steward gonna stay and watch?

Knock Out11:22:51 PM No music or rotisserie fuel or voyeurs for ours, though.

thenightetc11:23:14 PM What a shame.

thenightetc11:23:24 PM How can you even call it a honeymoon without all that.

Caroline11:24:11 PM Are all those kids theirs?

Caroline11:24:22 PM ... Including, I guess, a literal goat kid.

Belle11:26:07 PM Wait, I'm supposed to hate the guy who is against uncontrolled urban sprawl and environmental destruction?

Caroline11:26:45 PM Yes. Loathe the pinko commie.

Caroline11:28:02 PM Why does Mr. Potter have a skull on his desk?

Belle11:28:23 PM Who doesn't have a skull on their desk?

Caroline11:28:31 PM I don't!

thenightetc11:28:35 PM Who doesn't?

Knock Out11:28:56 PM It ties a room together.

Caroline11:29:11 PM I use a rug for that.

Belle11:29:22 PM The flayed hide of a rival?

Caroline11:29:47 PM I'm not shlepping hide up to my apartment.

thenightetc11:32:18 PM Rude.

Caroline11:32:26 PM The other guy didn't do anything!

thenightetc11:33:38 PM Spiders don't deserve to be compared to some asshole slumlord

Mimic11:34:23 PM AGREED

Caroline11:34:31 PM Oh, I really hope George knows how the baby got there.

thenightetc11:35:08 PM Ha!

Caroline11:41:03 PM He's in no mood to payable any accounts, I take it.

Belle11:41:50 PM Why would anyone trust Uncle Billy with any cash at all?

Caroline11:42:02 PM This is George, remember?

Knock Out11:42:03 PM Why would anyone trust Uncle Billy with anything whatsoever?

Caroline11:42:43 PM I don't know, but George is not taking the fall for him.

Belle11:43:19 PM Well, I mean, he's wrong to say it, but he's right about if this is a jailable offence of fiduciary misconduct then Ublce Billy should be the one to go to jail

Caroline11:43:54 PM Oh yeah, Uncle B dun goofed.

Caroline11:44:59 PM That kid is my favorite.

Knock Out11:47:22 PM I love this part.

Belle11:47:23 PM Did he just leave the bank inspector locked up in the bank overnight?

Caroline11:48:04 PM I really think he's gonna hurt these women!

Belle11:48:39 PM Seriously, he is just a huge cluster of red flags

Caroline11:48:44 PM WHAT THE HELL, DUDE

Belle11:49:07 PM Destruction of property is a big indicator of domestic violence, not joking.

thenightetc11:49:20 PM What, what just happened

thenightetc11:49:27 PM I had to get up for a couple of minutes

Knock Out11:49:58 PM He shouted at his family and smashed some things.

thenightetc11:50:04 PM ohhhh dear

Knock Out11:50:35 PM Why did he think this would work?

Caroline11:50:42 PM Ugh, Mr. Potter must love this.

thenightetc11:50:49 PM Ugh

Belle11:51:09 PM George, Get. A. Lawyer.

Caroline11:51:24 PM He's desperate. Mr. Potter is a sick fiend.

thenightetc11:52:41 PM Creepy.

Caroline11:53:10 PM Seeeeeriously.

Caroline11:54:49 PM ???

thenightetc11:54:57 PM wow

Caroline11:55:08 PM And he wanted to pay!

Belle11:55:15 PM He kinda had that one coming

Knock Out11:55:51 PM He really did.

Belle11:56:17 PM Check your life insurance doesn't have a suicide clause

Caroline11:56:37 PM Actually, I wouldn't be surprised if he had.

Caroline11:56:59 PM Wait, he passed away in it?

thenightetc11:58:51 PM Ha!

thenightetc11:59:49 PM It feels like we skipped something here

Belle12:00:12 AM I was gonna say, but figured I just fell asleep or something

Caroline12:00:19 AM I assume he and Clarence procured the $8k.

thenightetc12:00:28 AM Like... maybe the angel really did have the eight grand?

Caroline12:00:49 AM Angel printer go brrrr

Knock Out12:01:04 AM I knew some of this wasn't in the public domain and they couldn't riff it, but I didn't know it was the entire Pottersville sequence.

thenightetc12:01:14 AM Oh, huh.

Knock Out12:01:34 AM That's a shame, it's the best part of the movie.

Belle12:01:37 AM I feel like they are making the case that embezzlement was carried out at the bank.

Caroline12:01:47 AM It's the American dream!

Caroline12:01:54 AM Fraud!

thenightetc12:02:04 AM An entire town coming together to bail out a bank that lost a bunch of money!

Caroline12:02:50 AM Hee-haw bailed him out?!

thenightetc12:02:51 AM But... what about the original money?

Belle12:03:17 AM Isn't this the second time this bank has had a potentially town ending financial crisis?

thenightetc12:03:30 AM And would the bank examiners really be satisfied by that?

Belle12:03:37 AM Seems like maybe it isn't a stable financial institution.

thenightetc12:03:42 AM They clearly did lose the original $8000!

Caroline12:04:02 AM Yes! They need MORE money, so they can't lose sight of it!

Caroline12:04:13 AM Too big to miss is too big to fail!

Mimic12:04:36 AM Smart money moves all around

Knock Out12:05:34 AM And there you have it!

Belle12:05:44 AM Christmas Family Ness cartoon? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RVwfraAHWA4

Caroline12:05:54 AM I'm quite happy to have experienced that movie for the first time in here.

thenightetc12:06:03 AM It was... something

Caroline12:06:17 AM It was an excellent lesson in financial readiness.

Knock Out12:07:34 AM You should watch the Pottersville bits they cut. It's really not complete without them.

Belle12:07:41 AM I do feel like maybe it needs a prequel movie about the war hero kid brother

thenightetc12:07:41 AM Honestly, though, thank you for streaming it.

Belle12:08:08 AM But thank you though. It was cool seeing it.

Knock Out12:08:18 AM My pleasure!

Knock Out12:09:34 AM CHANGED THE VIDEO TO Knock Out's screen

Caroline12:11:32 AM I think this woman has lived through an Experience.

Knock Out12:11:52 AM Some kind of Experience that Happened for sure.

Belle12:12:07 AM And then there was the time that Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer

thenightetc12:12:45 AM Ohhh boy

Caroline12:12:49 AM I love her.

Caroline12:13:14 AM shart

Caroline12:13:15 AM omg

Caroline12:13:54 AM ....... Hogtaker and logmaker.

Knock Out12:13:59 AM Cooter and tooter.

Caroline12:14:14 AM She's something of a cunning linguist.

thenightetc12:14:57 AM Just worse and worse

Caroline12:15:08 AM Colleen 4 Prez

Mimic12:15:36 AM WOW

thenightetc12:15:44 AM :|

Knock Out12:16:02 AM Well said.

Belle12:16:08 AM I laughed so hard I think I hurt myself

Knock Out12:16:29 AM And that's about all I've got.

thenightetc12:16:42 AM What about the traditional Folgers ad?

Knock Out12:16:53 AM Of course! I knew I was forgetting something, thank you!

thenightetc12:17:07 AM It's just not christmas without implied incest!

Caroline12:17:41 AM I'm sure they have Folgers in West Africa.

Caroline12:18:05 AM Hopefully with less incest.

thenightetc12:18:12 AM *solemn clapping*

Caroline12:18:54 AM We never even get to see what's in the package!

Knock Out12:19:11 AM She sure did.

Caroline12:19:15 AM ...

thenightetc12:19:17 AM Oh, you.

Caroline12:19:19 AM It's Christmas Eve.

Caroline12:19:23 AM You can have that one.

Knock Out12:19:44 AM Oh!

Knock Out12:19:58 AM CHANGED THE VIDEO TO Knock Out's screen

Caroline12:20:55 AM /Extreme/ Baking?

thenightetc12:21:34 AM That is a lot for two hours

thenightetc12:21:53 AM So realistic!

Caroline12:22:04 AM Everything. Everything went wrong.

Caroline12:23:11 AM That sounds like terrible civil infrastructohhh my god

Belle12:23:11 AM I've baked worse.

thenightetc12:23:14 AM "SEAN"?

Caroline12:23:22 AM Put SEAN out of his misery.

Caroline12:23:25 AM Please.

Mimic12:23:38 AM wow that is unfortunate

thenightetc12:24:08 AM "yeah we don't like fondant"

Caroline12:24:13 AM w h a t

Caroline12:24:45 AM What could be more extreme than cake come to life?

Caroline12:25:16 AM ...

thenightetc12:25:17 AM Huh.

Caroline12:25:18 AM That.

Caroline12:25:21 AM That is more extreme.

Belle12:25:29 AM Well there is a thing

Caroline12:27:00 AM This is Elsa's cousin, Elsuh.

thenightetc12:27:17 AM f

Caroline12:28:01 AM F

Caroline12:28:02 AM F

thenightetc12:28:03 AM Jesus

Caroline12:28:04 AM FFFFF

Belle12:28:19 AM Oh, it is the sonic from the first Sonic movie trailer

Mimic12:28:19 AM still better than the first movie trailer

Caroline12:29:41 AM ... I wonder if you can still eat a haunted cake.

Knock Out12:29:50 AM You can eat anything once.

thenightetc12:29:54 AM The veins.

Caroline12:30:12 AM The everything.

Knock Out12:30:47 AM CHANGED THE VIDEO TO Knock Out's screen

thenightetc12:31:39 AM Jesus!

Caroline12:31:45 AM It grew baby legs.

Caroline12:32:12 AM How can you be an amateur college student?

thenightetc12:32:31 AM Uh.

thenightetc12:32:45 AM Oh no.

Caroline12:32:55 AM No Santa from Arrakis?

Mimic12:33:29 AM oh god

thenightetc12:33:36 AM Nobody likes that.

thenightetc12:33:47 AM Oh wow

Caroline12:34:07 AM Ohhhhh wow

Belle12:34:35 AM Oh no.

thenightetc12:34:38 AM Is it a dick.

Caroline12:34:38 AM Oh no.

Belle12:34:52 AM of course

Caroline12:35:00 AM Ralph has some sort of a fetish.

thenightetc12:35:08 AM Definitely.

Knock Out12:35:13 AM Ralph has all the fetishes, even the ones that contradict each other.

Mimic12:35:36 AM no kidding

Knock Out12:35:39 AM That's all I've got, I think, unless there's some other tradition that's slipping my mind.

thenightetc12:36:00 AM I can't think of any!

thenightetc12:36:11 AM We watched the terrible christmas dream song

Knock Out12:36:38 AM Can't miss that!

Belle12:36:45 AM I've got a Family Ness Christmas cartoon, if anyone wants that one?

Caroline12:36:55 AM Christmas dream song?

Knock Out12:37:29 AM A beloved (?) tradition!

Caroline12:37:39 AM It's Sarah Brightman, so I think it counts.

thenightetc12:37:41 AM A tradition.

Mimic12:38:43 AM every time i see this i just have Showgirls flashbacks

Caroline12:39:04 AM I've never seen Showgirls, but I want to one day.

Knock Out12:40:35 AM That seems as fitting a place to wrap up as any.

Belle12:40:50 AM Goodnight all, and Merry Christmas

Caroline12:40:58 AM Indeed. Merry Christmas, Doctor! Goodnight stream!

thenightetc12:41:03 AM And to all a good night!

Knock Out12:41:18 AM Goodnight, everyone! Have the merriest of Christmases!

thenightetc12:41:22 AM You, too!

Mimic12:41:33 AM merry christmas!

thenightetc12:41:53 AM Enjoy your awful, I mean thoughtful, gift. (On Steam.)

Knock Out12:42:33 AM I can't wait!

thenightetc12:42:50 AM Goodnight!

[tonystarkbingo]

TSB Discord Party 3 Prompt Summary Game

How to play: we all took turns throwing in three prompts, and then everyone turned those prompts into a fanfic blurb or summary.

phone, blanket, "nope" - suggested by @rebelmeg

@fightingforcreativity - "Tony put your phone away," came a sleepy voice from beside Tony. Because Steve wanted, needed to sleep for a few hours now, he finally had given up on being nice to his newly wed spouse. "Nope" 'That is a war declaration!', the blond thought and decided to do the one thing Tony had told him the genius hated. Steve tucked the blankets away and hooked them.

@rebelmeg - The thud of the phone hitting the floor clinched it for Tony. "Nope." Today was going to be a bad day. Curling up further under the blanket, he decided to dedicate his immediate future to a nap, and to hell with everything else. "Nope. No adulting today. Nope."

@jamesbuckystark - "Nope. Can't today." Tony says and hangs up the phone. He crawls back under the blanket fort where Morgan is waiting for him. It's Daddy/Daughter Day

@somesortofitalianroast - Bucky was bundled up in a blanket on the couch with some hot chocolate. He checked his phone, and saw that it was snowing outside. “Nope,” he said to himself, “not going for a walk.”

@darthbloodorange - Steve pulls the blankets further over his head. "No." 

Tony laughs at the images his husband made, wrapped up in their blankets. "Steve, you can't just ignore a call from the Secretary of Defence." He says. 

"Well, I am." comes a grumble from within the blankets. 

"Steve" He wheezes. "That's not very Captain America of you" 

"Don't care. I'm on vacation. Don't want to. Nope."

apples, cats, Science - suggested by @fightingforcreativity

@saganarojanaolt - "Unlike most cats, Alpine was well behaved. Except when there was something in his place by the window. It didn't matter what it was, if it was there it got dropped. Spices for cooking, flowers to liven up the place, apples to ripen, science books to study, didn't matter. It got summarily pushed off. So Alpine could take his rightful place. "

@menatiera - Cats were known to dislike citrus fruit. So Tony wouldn't have been surprised to find out Bucky's cat disliking oranges and such. Instead, Alpine decided that he absolutely hates apples with furious passion. Tony obviously needs Science to answer why. And if he gets to spend some more time with Bucky while conducting experiments with his cats, well, that's just a happy coincidence.

@rebelmeg - Dum-E was very excited. It wasn't every day Ton-E let a Kit-E into the lab, and today there were two Kit-E's. One of them was chewing on Bruc-E's airpods, but Dum-E knew that was okay. Ton-E liked to tease Bruc-E about his bad apples.

@jamesbuckystark - There was a flash, and now instead of Rhodey, Bruce, Peter, and Harley in the lab with him, there are two cats and two apples, all with unimpressed eyes looking at him. "This is not magic! It's science, I swear!" Tony pleads. "I'll fix this!"

@somesortofitalianroast - Tony was working in his lab, cranking out music, when two things happened: Alpine jumped up on his work bench, and Dum-E somehow got a hold of an apple, which he promptly threw at Tony. Hilarious ensues.

@darthbloodorange - Steve looks down at the mess of apples on the lab floor and sighs. He knew better than to ask at this point, but he does anyway. "Why?" "Science!" Tony says, as if it should be obvious. Socrates knocks another apple from down from the shelf, watching as it lends on the floor with a wet crunch. "See!"

dragon, hotel, blue - suggested by @saganarojanaolt

@jamesbuckystark - Rhodey blinks his eyes. In front of him is a hotel with a red dragon standing in front. "Do you have the courage to wear the Blue Tunic of Valor and save the prince?" It rumbles. Rhodey looks up. In the penthouse is Tony, dressed in a beautiful gown.

@menatiera - Being turned into a dragon is generally not a horrible thing. Dragons are cool, majestic and all that. Even if blue is not really Tony's color, he could say at least ten other things from the top of his head to happen to him that would be worse than having his color scheme messed up in a magical animal transformation. Still. Being turned into a dragon in the middle of the hotel lobby on his honeymoon is still rude.

@rebelmeg - "Pepper, there is a dragon in my hotel room. No, you did not mishear me. Yes, Pepper, there is a dragon in my hotel room. NO, I DIDN'T DO IT! ...at least, I don't think I did... Pepper, stop shouting. Pepper. Pepper. Pepper. Oh, for the love-- PEPPER! Hi. Yes, I'm shouting, and so are you! Are too. Are too. Are-- hey! Just because I regularly play with things I shouldn't doesn't mean the gigantic lizard with pretty blue scales is automatically my fault! No, don't call Stephen. Pepper. Pepper, no, he'll just get all uppity like he does, you know how I-- DAMN IT, PEPPER."

@gavilansblog - His room in the Blue Dragon Hotel wasn't blue. It was an off-white beige color. Also, it had no dragons. Well, that was just rude, Tony thought, staring at the nondescript fruit bowl print over the bed. The least a Blue Dragon Hotel could do is have, y'know, a blue dragon. Tony sat down on the bed, then jumped up with a yelp as something nudged the backs of his legs. He turned and looked in completed befuddlement as a blue snout poked out from under the bed, followed by a very definitely draconic little body. Well, that did explain the name.

@somesortofitalianroast - “Pepper. Did you really make reservations at the Blue Dragon Hotel?” 

“Yes, Tony. I did. Why?” 

“Because it’s an RV park, not a 5-star hotel.”

@darthbloodorange - (Iron Man Noir!) Tony sits down on the edge his hotel bed with a huff. He pulls the large, blue scale out of his travel bag, turning over it in his hands. It had been months now, but Tony wasn't about to give up on the search for the dragon that saved his teams life. (Dragon!Steve?)

enlightment, postcard, chocolate - suggested by @menatiera

@jamesbuckystark - Tony got some interesting mail today... from Victor von Doom. He got a postcard and a chocolate heart. BE DOOM'S "Well this is a time of enlightenment," he muses

@menatiera - 'Willy Wonka is behind the dementor attacks because he wants to sell more chocolate.' Well. Postcards are usually not the format for these kind of enlightments to go, especially not postcards without names to them. Tony turns the paper in his hand, deep in thought, then mentally shrugs, because why not? It's not the weirdest thing he's heard. And he can relieve his nerdy days while investigating for clues in a fictional book series for proof or denial of this statement.

@rebelmeg - "riddle me this, jarvis," tony said as he turned over the postcard in his hand. "how precisely did someone manage to make an actual postcard out of chocolate and send it through the mail intact?" 

"perhaps you should bite it and find out." jarvis replied pertly.

with a roll of his eyes, tony had to tell the idiot side of his brain to sit down and shut up. "y'know j, i think you might be spending too much time around harley." 

"blasphemy. i'm a perfectly enlightened being that needs no outside interference to contribute to my sass." 

tony choked on his bite of postcard.

@somesortofitalianroast - It wasn’t any day that Steve got a postcard in the mail. Especially not one that was addressed to him and didn’t get bundled up with the rest of his fan mail. This postcard was completely blank, except what appeared to be a chess move, but he wasn’t sure. The front of the postcard had a picture of a chocolate store in Ukraine with the tagline “find chocolate enlightenment in Kyiv.”

@darthbloodorange - It's no secret that out of all of them Tony was the Chocolate hoarder. While Tony is away on a business trip the Avengers raid Tony's chocolate stores. But while searching for chocolate they find some enlightening postcards, postcards that reveal a more better kept secret between Tony and Steve.

Dreams, Wheel, and Dynamite - suggested by @jamesbuckystark

@rebelmeg - "just think, rhodey. a huge wheel of fireworks and dynamite. it's what dreams are made of!" tony's eyes were wide, sparkling with mania, and rhodey was justifiably concerned. "tony, i don't think you should watch mythbusters anymore."

@somesortofitalianroast - In his dream, he was in a tour bus. He was watching the band, some playing cards, some reading, some sleeping, but no one seemed to notice him. The movement of the wheels of the bus was hypnotic, as was the guitarist gently strumming on an acoustic guitar. The singer, half asleep with a book, started singing along. He couldn’t make out most of the words, but he seemed to be singing about dynamite. Interesting choice for a lullaby, but Steve wasn’t complaining. The singer looked right at him, paused in his singing. “You should wake up now.”

@27dragons - Tony was usually much more careful around dynamite than Pepper gave him credit for. Sure, he sometimes played it fast and loose with safety, but actual dynamite was no laughing matter. So it absolutely was not his fault that the charge blew early, before he had a chance to get back behind the protective barrier, he would like that understood. But regardless of whose fault it was, he had a concussion, a ringing in his ears that wouldn't go away, and every time he drifted off to sleep he was having the most peculiar dreams -- or rather, dream: a single dream, over and over, of a giant wheel covered with beautiful blue-steel eyes that stared at him in shock. "I think," he told Pepper when she came to check him out of the hospital, "that I've met my guardian angel."

@jamesbuckystark - "I had the weirdest dream," Tony rubs his head. "I was a contender on Wheel of Fortune, and Pat Sajek told me I didn't win even though the phrase was 'Made from dynamite and daisies.' And I knew what the phrase was!"

@darthbloodorange - Tony is sure he was having a bad dream when he walks into his lab to find Steve fastening explosives to the wheels of his motorcycle. "Wheels shouldn't need dynamite to turn!" Tony cries, throwing his hands into the air. "I can't believe you're making me say this but Steve, this is too dangerous. That's too much firepower, you're going to be blown into space!"

"Well, I've always dreamt of being an astronaut." Steve says, grinning.

varenyky, U2, dancing - suggested by @somesortofitalianroast

@jamesbuckystark - "Is this what all galas are like?" Bucky asks, eyes wide. "No," Tony examines his nails. "U2 never plays a set for galas. They only dance at the Christmas ones, and I have never seen varenyky on the buffet table."

@rebelmeg - tony wiggled his booty as he danced around the kitchen, singing along to U2 and putting frozen pierogis on a plate.

"shaking what your mama gave you?" nat asked as she came into the room, smiling as he waggled his eyebrows at her. 

"you betcha. want a pierogi?" he rattled the frozen dumplings on the plate. "gonna microwave some." 

natasha's eyes narrowed, then she was storming across the room and seizing the plate. "i am absolutely not letting you eat that." 

tony whined as she dumped them right in the garbage. "my lunch!" 

"if you want varenyky, i will make you some. you will not eat that trash." 

tony was still pouting over the garbage can. "but i'm hungry." 

"come on," natasha grabbed his sleeve and tugged him over. "i'll teach you how and it'll go fast." 

or, how tony and nat bonded over pierogis while dancing to U2

@darthbloodorange - (College AU) It was 4AM. He knew they knew they were probably get into loads of trouble. Any moment now Security would be knocking on their door with a noise complaint. But Tony couldn't care less, he's hasn't been so happy in a long time. He was dancing with Steve in the kitchen to U2, cooking varenyky.

[daggerzine]

Celebrity Mixtape Party #1 with Steve Michener (Volcano Suns, Dumptruck, Big Dipper) Part 1

Steve (far left with Big Dipper) 

Mixtapes. They're back! Or maybe they never went away? What happens when you make a mixtape for someone who MAKES music? And then they talk about that mixtape? Well, dear reader, let's find out in..

Okay!  First song. Side A. So I'll give my impressions and then we can talk about the song. Okay? Then the reveal, when appropriate.

Sexy

Thanks for this tape, Matthew, I've really been enjoying it.  However, I gotta say the first song is my least favorite.

What is it pray tell

I don't know but I usually love that style of song.  Very Love/Byrds-y but there was something cloying about that hook of 'Let's Get Together'

Oh yes. Justin Trouble.

Can't tell if it's authentic 60's pop or revival

Early '80s. He was friends with Johnny Thunders.New York City area guy

Never heard of him but I'm not inspired to search him up. Too many words.

Aw man he's just riffing

Anything you wanna say in his defense?

I mean I could. I think that song and the whole record is genius. To me it's the very essence of rock and roll.

Okay, maybe that's just one song that I wouldn't like. I'll check it out. I know you love your 60s stuff  but to me it's just too twee. But if you were using this as a "courtship tape", the relationship is over.

Since we can't "get together" on that song?

Courtship tape. I think they were called love mixes back in the day my friend.

I'm older than you. We used to bring them and play them in the parlor. So this second song is right up my Alley. Great guitar sound, great drummer.  I love that it's poppy but it takes a minor key/dissonant turn when he sings the tagline 'Solid Gold'. Kind of a Fall vibe to that hook.

So what is that second song?

Boston band....Real Kids...1974 demo...EARLY REAL KIDS

I knew you'd get a Real Kids song on there but that is very 'Unreal' real kids.  Sounds like they were way ahead of their time

Yeah. That song is unhinged. Nothing twee about it.

Amazing band.  I would have maybe guessed that but that chorus is so left field.  If I knew about that song back then, I would have had the band cover it. Real Kids sounding like the Fall. They should have been as big as the Ramones.  Worse drug and ego problems I guess.

To me it sounds like The Dolls. A little bit of Glam in there.

I saw them a few times at the Rat.  Always a reliable live band. I hear the 60's thing in there but that turnaround into the chorus is at least 5 years ahead of its time. I need to hear more of those demos.

It's on vinyl.

Next song- One thing that I know about you is that you love your 60s stuff.  This sounds like an authentic acid rock band. Roky?

I don't have the tracklist

Ah, okay.  It's by Girl Trouble-"Storm Warning'. Don't know them but I love the song.

The pride of Bellingham

Kind of like the Seeds meet Nick Cave. What year?

1993 on Empty

Love the sax and guitar interplay at the end.  Wow. I would have placed that in 1965

Yeah except for the production. I think he's one of the Great rock and roll vocalists of the '90s

Yeah, great singer.  Are they still around or mutate into something else?

Kurt Kendall. No, I don't think they really play around much anymore. There was a reunion show not too long ago but I missed it.

Great stuff, I'll check it out. Next song? Okay, this one I knew from the first note--the great NRBQ. The greatest rock and roll band ever, at least in this incarnation.

Green Lights?

Yes.

I saw them around this time with the WW Horns, opening for Thorogood.

Another great vocalist

I didn't appreciate them back then cuz I was too into the alternative scene (tho still loved GT) but when I saw them in the 80's I was amazed.

This is a band that should have played the bar band in every '80s movie ever made

Exactly.  they were my template for 'a band'

That's Joey singing that one? favorite bass player ever, favorite drummer ever.

I'm not entirely sure what that guitar is in the solo. Sounds almost like a pedal steel or something.

Big Al could make anything sound like anything.  Genius band. Shoulda been huge.

The YouTube comments say Joey.

Yeah, Joey wrote the hits. Like most bass players.

Lol. The album is called nrbq at Yankee stadium and it's funny because the picture shows an empty Yankee stadium with them far away in the bleachers...a play on words...clever

I see.

I'll explain humor to you another time.

Make me a 'humor' mixtape

Okay next song

The 5th song on side A is called Buried Alive.  A 3 chord slab of brilliance.  Sounds like another Boston Band.  More Real Kids?

Hmmm

Should I peek?

It could be Avenged Sevenfold. Yes peek.

Oh no, it's the Nervous Eaters!  Born to Die.  I thought he was singing Buried Alive.

Ahhh!!

I knew it was Boston, can't believe I missed the Eaters.  Loved that band.

Another Boston band you didn't ID! You are 0 for 2

I wrote down it was "the Lyres without keyboards" so I get half credit.

Okay so one of the cool things about this band is it had one of the Paley Brothers. Who never did anything this "heavy" outside of this band?

I had their singles and saw them live a few times.  They were great. Just Head is a classic.

The major label debut was a bit of a disaster:  slick production, terrible cover art. I swore that I'd never let that happen to any band that I was in.

This song for some reason reminds me of Judas Priest.

I thought Saints at first but Priest would work

Next song?

Ok

This is one that I will probably miss too. Sounds VERY familiar and my first guess is Rockpile/Brinsley Schwarz.  "I'll have another drink and then I tried to crawl out the door.."

"I never did know a thing about it." It's got that Nick Lowe/Dave Edmunds vibe.

Take a peek

Status Quo-Lies

Ah yes

Wow, I don't think of SQ sounding like this. This is pub rock, I thought they were harder

Very boogie

Don't you get the Rockpile thing tho?

Oh absolutely

Great song.  I'd cover this. Was it a hit?

That status quo song is from 1980. I think so. They did it on Top of the Pops

Good. I'd be depressed if a song that great didn't get an audience.

Agreed

Next?

Yes

I also don't know this and I'm not sure what the hook is but it sounds like what I imagine the Muffs sound like. Be my baby.?  Sneering female vocals, 3 chords, loud guitars.

Fastbacks - Read my Letters

Yeah, another band I completely missed out on.  From the PNW?

Seattle

I've seen them quite a few times and they were always amazing. Big fan.

I'm sorry I missed them live. I don't care much for this song but I'll bet it sounded good in a sweaty club.

Ok

Did you like the Muffs?

Not really. I mean I respect them a lot but they never resonated with me. I think Kurt Bloch is a great lyricist. And I love that he didn't sing his own lyrics.

Wait, that was a guy singing?

No. The guitar player Kurt wrote the lyrics for most of their songs.

Got it.  So he left them to join YFF?

He did both simultaneously. Kim Warnick is the singer and bass player.

Too talented.

Definitely.

I saw the Fellows quite a few times also.

They opened for us in Seattle in 1990. I loved them but, as an east coaster, had never seen them.

Also amazing one of my favorites. During that time that both the Fastbacks and the Young Fresh Fellows were active it made me envy Seattle because Portland didn't have bands like those bands.

This is a different convo, but Seattle is a much more rockin town than Portland.

Full disclosure in the '90s I was not a fan of Portland's music scene. But I did like Hazel.

They were so cute!

Alright, let's not get distracted!   Next song I recognized easily , though I may not have a few years ago.  This is Sparks - Something For The Girl Who Has Everything. Brilliant band but one that I missed out on until recently

You know I never introduced you at the beginning of all this. Dear readers, I am discussing a mixtape with our esteemed guest Steve Michener from Skid Row.

Skid Row UK, legally. Not to be confused with those dorks from Hollyweird. Michael Cudahy was my roommate back in the day and he was way into them. I could never get past the vocals.Recently though, I have come to appreciate them and now I am a big fan.

I love the vocals. It's its own thing. Who is this Michael you speak of?

Michael was in Christmas at the time and then started Combustible Edison.  Now he does movie soundtracks.

Have you ever seen the video of Ron Mael singing karaoke to a Sparks song?

No, I'll google it.

Next song?

Ok

Well, I didn't recognize the song itself but it's hard to miss the unique guitar sound of The Wedding Present-The Boy Can Wait

Fastest wrist in the west

Trademark double strum. They're one of those bands that I just love the sound of but never bought any records.

That's a Peel session by the way.

They were around last year but I failed to attend.

I like the lyrics. They're clever. Kind of misanthropic but not in a Morrissey way. More humorous.

I'm not a lyric guy but I do love a good Morrisey couplet

The dude could pen a tune

Stephen I mean

Moz

The Moz

Himself.

He should pull a Prince and just change his name to Himself

Next song is one that you would never get past me, tho I'm 0-2 with Boston bands before this.  Heading into a Boston binge here.

Ok. Just another band out of Boston

I was the world's biggest Peter Dayton fan for years.  I moved to Boston the week that LaPeste broke up so I never got to see them.  So I made up for that by seeing every PD gig for years. 'She's a Girl' by LaPeste, probably one of the best bands out of Boston ever.

I like how evil La Peste sound. They sound like they carried shivs.

It means "the pest"

Perfect

"la" is "the" in french

Waow

I don't know if you knew that. Anyway, this must have been an Ocasek demo?  Sounds like they were trying to go pop. I had a live tape of them from the rock and roll rumble in 1979 that I wore out. Just a great pop punk band. Next song is also LaPeste- Die in My Sleep.Ric got involved with them later in their career and produced some demos.  Or maybe it was Greg Hawkes.  But Ocasek worked with him solo for a few years.  Dayton's EP, which came out the same time as Panorama by the Cars. It's a fun record.Better off Dead is an amazing single.

I'll check out solo Dayton.

Jim Janota on bass. I think he was in some of those early boston punk bands

But Ric was the producer guy then . Alan Vega etc

Yeah, Ocasek was cool.  He had Dayton's band open for The Cars at the Boston Garden.  Big supporter of smaller bands.

Next two songs had me stumped. I just wrote 'Sex Pistols'.

I would never put a sex pistols song on anything ever. But I do love a lot of things that Cook and Jones were on later

This just has a Pistols energy and sneer. Hey Hey! Hey Hey!

Hmm

3 chords, English. Fall-like but harder.

Not ringing any bells

Ha! I looked at the list--Naked Raygun-Roller Queen.

Yes

"trying" to be british

Nooo

I tuned this band out early.  Not my cup of tea.

I love the Raygun. Midwest thing

Just like Soul Asylum.  I was (and remain) a judgemental asshole when it comes to music.

Hard. Arty. Humorous.

I lump them together.  Prejudice.  But this is why I like the idea of listening to the tape blind.

Throb Throb is fantastic

It can blow up my preconceived notions  or reinforce them. I know they were hugely popular in the scene and it's probably my loss that I didn't explore their stuff. I was probably reacting negatively to the Big Black thing.  Lots of competition and jealousy-fuelled listening bias.

Eh no biggy. I never really liked Big Black. To me they were great in theory but not in practice.

I prefer Shellac

Great band

But i think BD covered 'Bazooka Joe'. Not my idea.

There was another Chicago band from that time that I like a lot called Breaking Circus.

Yes, I liked Breaking Circus.  We played with them.

Yay

Next song. 60s sounding psychedelia

Ok

Didn't recognize it, but liked it. reverby guitar,

Hmm

La Luz- I Want to Be Alone. Cool sound.  What's their story?

Ah. Seattle. Then moved to LA. 4 women. On Hardly Art (label). Started in 2012. They have three lps. Saw them at The Aladdin.

Short but sweet. I'll check them out.

Very very good band

I like good bands

No bad songs. They were VERY GOOD live. Jealous of the drummer's speed and dexterity. They play with a lot of feeling.

If we ever get to see live music again, I'll check them out.

You need to.

Next song is a classic Boston number called 'No Place Like Home' by The Neighborhoods. Such a great power pop song. B-side to Prettiest Girl, which was probably the biggest indie single of the time in Boston.  That and Academy Fight Song. Both on Ace of Hearts records

Oh really? Nice that I got airplay in Boston. I mean it. I didn't get any airplay in Boston

Yes, it was huge! (sorry about your lack of airplay)  top song on WBCN, the local rock station. They should have been huge-they had it all.  Cute guys, great songs, amazing live show. I woulda bet on them

Despite looking like a reggae album I've read good reviews with their first LP. The thing with a lot of these bands is they're from a time when there were regional scenes period and if they didn't make the jump to Major label then a lot of what they were about might have been lost on people outside of their scene

Honestly, I don't remember that LP at all.  Maybe I had dropped them and moved onto hipper stuff. They were kind of a high school crush for me. They got progressively more hard rock as time went on. Yes, probably a common theme with local bands. Some focused on getting a 'deal' and making it big.  Thank god for labels like Homestead, who gave smaller bands a chance to make mistakes and grow

If you had any anecdotes about any of these guys share away.

Anecdotes? I do

'dote away

Dave and Lee worked at Harrington's Liquor, the biggest booze shop in Allston and were always in there when I went to buy cheap vodka. Then, one day, they were fired. Word was that they tried to lift some expensive champagne from the shop to celebrate a record release party or something.  They were both dating members of Salem 66 at the time and Dave married Judy.  They were very nice guys.

Lee?

Lee Harrington, Beth's brother was their bassist in the late 80's. Beth Harrington was in Jonathan's band.

That's a good anecdote.

Jonathan?

Richman

Oh I thought I recognized her voice from Jonathan Richmond records. She was a backup singer. She had kind of a classically trained sounding voice

Yes, her and Ellie Marshall. Beth married my old roommate, whose girlfriend when I knew him, left him for Steve Forbert.

Ellie Marshall was related to who?

Something related to Paley Bros. It'll come to me.  Barry Marshall.

The next song is the Office Supply song. Swivel Chair. I don't recognize the song but it's gotta be something like Fountains of Wayne or Weezer.

Nothing Painted Blue

Oops. Hope they aren't insulted!  I kinda knew of NPB but obviously didn't get into their stuff.  Sounds like a certain pop band from Boston in the late 80s. Where were they from?

Franklin Bruno. Great songwriter in my opinion. Great band. LA

Oh, I know Franklin.  Of course.  I confuse them with that band from Boise

Franklin bears a slight passing resemblance to Bill? Cool that you know Franklin.

Well, on FB at least.  Very nice guy.  He's probably gonna unfriend me if he reads this.

I can edit it out. Celebrity mixtapes is about bringing people together, not about fighting.

No, it's fine.  It's part of the process. I'll take my lumps.

Ok

I just thought it was a little bit of a novelty song.

I just think it's adorably nebbishy

Not that we didn't veer close to that sometimes. It's a risk when you are trying to write songs that have humor in them.

Singing about office supplies. One of my favorite things about Big Dipper is you guys never crossed over into parody even though you were slyly funny.

Yeah, it def sounds like something I would write. I was an office supply nerd.

Maybe I sensed that. Dilbert Rock

Thanks. It's a fine line between clever and stupid, as the Tap says. Anyway, super catchy but maybe a little too clever for me.

NEXT!

Next song has to be Scrawl. Apple of his Eye.

Nope

Very Gang of Four with female vocals.

I did like Scrawl back in the day though. Bratmobile-Queenie.

Ah, well they should write a check to Sue and Marcy. Sounds like early Scrawl. Catchy song but a little derivative to my ears.

Yeah Scrawl predates the Bratmobile.By a few years.

You could steal from worse.

True

Scrawl were an amazing band.

Pride of Columbus

Really had the goods live and on record.

Never saw them live unfortunately.I always thought they were on Homestead but it turns out no.

You had your Homestead goggles on.

"I like everything that comes out on Homestead..."

Well that was me back then too

Last song on side A.  Permanent Wave.  No idea who it is, a short, catchy, new wave song.  Mo-dettes?

I do like the Mo-Dettes but no.

Oh Ok. From Athens

Ah!  i had their single, was this on it?

Michael Stipe's sister

Sister of Stipe

Matthew Sweet was in the band for a minute too, later on.

I bought it, I think, cuz I thought I could resell it when rem got famous. Retirement investment

I think the single and the lp are both amazing

Kind of twee, to revisit a theme

The lp is not as twee

That song sounds a little thin

I like the production. it sounds live.

I see that. Okay, I've gotta run.  This was fun.

Ok. Thanks for doing it.

https://www.mixcloud.com/matthewkenneth9/steve-michener-mix-pt-1/?fbclid=IwAR2hhMS8KXo51QjlpJ__ANfdmKY3Ux7vRyIqHHOxGfY_UK4H6tz6vIXyaxE

[viktor-noctis]

Harvest Moon

Anakin Skywalker wanted to kill everyone in the room. And then himself.

Even if they didn’t know who he was, because the chance they might find out was too terrifying to consider.

But they hadn’t. He knew they hadn’t. Because if they had, they would all have died of laughter before he could slice them into little pieces with his lightsaber. Which he didn’t have.

This night just keeps getting better and better.

He had completed well over two-hundred missions since he joined the Jedi Order, from escorting diplomats, brokering peace between nations, and fighting on battlefields the galaxy over. He had traversed forests full of dangerous, man-eating flora, ice cloaked mountains with beasts that could rip one apart in seconds, and even desserts. Full of sand. Which he believed was far eviler than the worms waiting beneath the surface of the dunes, ready to swallow one whole, or any of the previous threats combined. He would take any of them, all of them, even a dustbowl, over his current assignment.

On paper, it looked standard: use secured invitation to get inside of a party of ambassadors, senators, and potential members of the Separatists. Easy. Sneak past heavily armored centurion guards wielding plasma canons and ion missiles that may or may not have heat seeker technology embedded in them. Interesting, without a weapon, but not impossible. Find information regarding the movements of enemy shipments, containing stolen kyber crystals, and potential hostages of their side. Somewhat difficult… If one didn’t possess an encrypted pass code, capable of rapid copying the necessary data in record time. All-in-all, the usual kind of Jedi mission that included a bit of espionage on the side.

Except the teeny, tiny, minute detail of the invitation being formatted for a Lady Skylar Erie.

A woman from a small, noble house on Naboo. She was twenty-two years old, six feet tall exactly, and didn’t speak due to a childhood incident. Her hair was a light brown with touches of golden blond, possessing eyes the color of dark turquoise gems, and skin bronzed by the sun. Lady Skyler had full, dark lips, now shaded to a deep crimson, and high cheekbones. Her shoulders were broad, her legs long, and –

“Luckily,” the stylist had smiled at him in the mirror, “handsome young men make beautiful women.” Obi-Wan didn’t look like he agreed with that statement. His arms were crossed, eyes wide beneath his furrowed brow, and lips pursed within his beard… which he was stroking. Which meant he was looking for something comforting to say. Anakin was almost curious what sort of backwards, reorganized Yoda-phrase he would use, no doubt intended to distract him from that fact that he made a passable woman in a pinch. His former master opened and closed his mouth several times, forming nothing, and eventually just let a burst of air out behind his sealed lips. Which was probably the wisest thing he could have done.

The dress was another monstrous affair. The fact that Padma had been the one to gift the pattern to the tailor made him want to jump off the nearest bridge. Because that meant it was from Naboo, which was notorious for having so many hard to navigate layers, it was like trying to solve a puzzle maze. He’d overheat and die. Either that, or it would be a flowing slip of silk that would immediately give away the fact he was a man, and he could already see the billboard tagline all over the tabloid side of the holonet.

A form fitted, off the shoulder, obsidian gown arrived. There was a deep cerulean, satin sash that wrapped around the top, no doubt to hide his lack of cleavage, and draped down to curl over the low arches of his hips, falling down his buttocks like a tail. The entire thing was accented with ivory stones across the top, coiling in abstract patterns down his ribs, growing smaller till they faded at his thighs. Made from the finest silks, the whole thing had been custom fitted for him a week before.

“It’s a shame you want to destroy it.” Obi-Wan’s voice held six feet worth of lamentation that Anakin was ready to bury him in. “It’s rather beautiful.” One look from Anakin had shut him up for the entire evening. He had his word that when they made it back to the Temple, he was allowed to slice it to pieces with his saber until it was nothing but a smoldering, crumpled ruin of unidentifiable cloth and cracked stones. He was also not to take a single holo of him in it, no matter how much Senator Amidala plead or bargained.

However, he had quickly realized that the most dangerous part of his mission didn’t entail trying not to fall flat on his face while wearing three inch heels (how Padme managed the ‘dagger stilettoes’ that were over five he would never know, but he was going to bow down on his knees the next time he saw her), nor glaring at the men who gave his backside leering glances (he just about managed not to Force push that last one’s face straight into the buffet table), or even punching the last piece of kriffing, snorg-birthed, moose-goose snot brained –

I hate this, I hate this, I hatethis, IhatethisIhatethisIhatethis –

He almost tore his dress. Again.

No, the most dangerous part of his mission was none of the above. It was navigating the toxic snake pit filled with people he knew almost nothing about. Oh, some of them he had seen, certainly: thieves, murderers, drug dealers, and slave traders. They were up to their ears in nothing but filth and injustice, the lowest of the low, scum that he had to smile and play nice with like a mute, pretty girl with only three brain cells to her name would.

Anakin’s face hadn’t stopped burning the whole evening. He only prayed his embarrassment couldn’t melt away the layers of foundation and contour applied to his features. She’d even combed and fixed his hair, plating the strands into a short braid with ribbon that matched his dress, and flowers that curled into the elaborate cuffs around his ears. He hated the jewelry almost as much as the gown… the dainty chains in his lobes had snow drops on the ends, bearing sapphires so deep they appeared onyx. The choker around his neck was emblazoned with them as well, with diamonds that offset the ones on the dress.

He had to wear gloves. To cover up his mechanical arm, as if it were something to be ashamed of. Anakin managed to contain a growl, keeping his fan close to the lower portion of his face. He didn’t dare lower it, least someone find his jaw too strong, his neck too thick.

How can anyone believe this? Maybe everyone around him thought it was just as ludicrous, just as impossible that Anakin Skywalker liked to spend his Tuesday evenings dressed as a woman, strutting around some of the worst moss-pit vipers in the galaxy. He swallowed what remained of his pride.

Get the information. Get out. You’ve done this a thousand times before. Never like this he hadn’t.

He had the advantage of his height at least, his gaze straying over the facades in attendance, knowing his mark would favor a more private location. The mask they had given him was just insult to injury… It covered everything above his cheekbones, wrapping over the bridge of his nose. Carved from delicate ivory, with swirls and coils painted on in black at the top, fading to midnight blue around his eyes, and then a rich silver at the edges. The top of the brow split in a mane of feathers, mimicking the shades already present. According to Obi-Wan, it was meant to represent a delicate, blue bird found on a planet covered mostly in water in the furthermost reaches.

Anakin almost felt relieved when he saw his target in the throng of dignitaries. His mask wasn’t strapped on like his own was, dangling from his right hand, while his left arm remained occupied by a Togruta girl with red skin and yellow horns. He really did not need to be thinking of Ahsoka right now. What would she say if she could see him? She’d never stop talking about it. She’d probably sneak a holo or two just to save for future blackmailing purposes, because what sane Padawan would pass up the opportunity to have a picture of their Master all dressed up for the ball?

The man in question, with more gold than white or black in his mouth, was one Fren Pollock. After obtaining a hard-won pardon from the Republic – something that made Anakin’s teeth grind – he had somehow acquired a governorship on a small lunar colony. Drugs, munitions, and people, nothing was beneath him. Anakin found himself reveling in the notion of bringing him down, of dismantling his little empire into the dust, and taking all of his accomplices with him.

“Woah there, blondie.” A bodyguard. One of four. No armor, no weapons, as was the standard, per the request of the hosts.

[ I’m really terrible at writing scum bags, but Fren allows Anakin closer, only to drug him. Someone intervenes, of course, but after unmasking Anakin things go from bad to worse. Also, Dooku wears a Loth-wolf mask. - ]

“I believe the young Lady has had enough.” Anakin’s stomach dropped. He couldn’t breathe. His next whimper was stifled against a hard chest. Hands, warm and solid, one on his wrist, and the other on his back. Protective, almost tender, they held him steady against the taller man.

 The chuckle that emanated from the Count tightened around his chest. The air left him, slipping free in a low, hoarse whimper. Dooku just laughed harder. Anakin didn’t dare raise his head to see the slice of his grin through his cheeks.

“My, my, this evening is just full of surprises.” Dooku’s sneer rippled through his already weak knees. They shuddered beneath him, leaving him to sway dangerously. “I didn’t expect to find you here, Skywalker, but considering this turn of events, I’m rather glad I did.” Red and blue. Anakin’s teeth clenched, jaw ringing with the pain, straight into his temples. He should jerk forward, smash his head into Dooku’s nose. Crimson and azure. Their sabers should clash, they always had, easy and familiar. Darkness and light, trading breath and edge, till one consumed the other. Mars and Venus. Planetoids too far to know, yet the tales of them were wreathed in the fantastical. The coin flipped, came down in a shower of sparks that were the shades of stars.

Dooku tasted like something bitter and yet sweet. It reminded Anakin of the grapes Padme had given him while they were visiting Alderaan, off a vine five years old. She said they were native to the planet, that they would keep the same fruits without dropping them for hundreds of years, but when they were plucked clean… they died. Those same plants were the reason the planet was known for its wine. She had challenged him to taste as many as he could, all the way up to the first century. They made his nose wrinkle, his vision darkening as his eyes squinted, then misted with tears he blinked away. He didn’t even get to twenty.

He still had the gift… the one Bail Organa had given him. He had winked at him, saying something about how even Jedi needed to have fun every once in a while. The crystal, ruby embossed bottle was hidden somewhere under his bunk, protected by his worn, old Padawan robes. He still didn’t know how a beverage made from fruit as old as Yoda was supposed to be a good.

“What are you doing?!” His head throbbed. His parted lips trembled, prickling with something he couldn’t name. Anakin’s cheeks were still burning, but a new heat had been added from the friction of the Count’s beard. Dooku’s hand gripped his bicep, the muscle throbbing beneath his hard palm. Anakin could feel the bruises forming, the pulse of blood beneath the surface. He’d torn away, smashing him into the wall, and he had… he had kissed Count Dooku, a known Sith Lord, and leader of the Separatist Systems Alliance. A tremble lanced through him, clinging to his muscles, till he felt as if he were going to shake straight out of his skin.

Anakin’s head twisted, turning away from Dooku, but his body wouldn’t follow as easily. His tongue clung to the roof of his mouth, thick with the ichor of whatever had been in his drink. He swallowed it back, trying to free himself of the Count’s hand with a sluggish, surly throw of his shoulder. He stumbled instead, pivoting dangerously close to the wall, but durasteel bands took hold of his waist. His body jerked, a whimper exiting his lungs as they compressed. The darkness crept into his vision, stifling him in the heat and musk of whoever held him.

“What have you done?” Far away, harsh and whispered. The syllables grated against his scorching ears. His throat ached with the sound that left him, high-pitched and terrible. His mouth contacted something solid and warm and smooth. He couldn’t help but rub his face into the warmth of that broad shoulder. Whoever held him smelled like heat and spice.

Padme and Obi-Wan sat across from him, laughing as his face twisted. He had grown up a poor boy on Tatooine, you didn’t just waste food, no matter how much you didn’t like it. Which meant swallowing down whatever you were given, which meant he was willing to try anything once. Even the boiled bark of a strange planet. It was not the taste, but the brittle texture on his tongue. Citrus and tang, almost metallic in its bite, sliding down his throat with the same viscosity of honey, and the viciousness of alcohol.

That was the smell that surrounded him now, sharp and distinct. There was something overtop, layered on to smooth the undercurrent of that wild, intoxicating aroma. Anakin almost thought it was… roses. Yes, roses. Extravagant and sweet, enough to hide the Loth-wolf’s true scent.

[ Dooku makes a strategic retreat, taking Anakin with him back to his room… Mistake. The drug is in him now, and inhibition is taking a nosedive straight into hell. He puts Anakin in his room, where he struggles out of the dress, tearing off the jewelry, and rubs at his face. The Count returns after a thunderous crash, effectively shattering every bottle in his private bar. Not good… He returns to the room, submerged in darkness, standing at the end of the bed… ]

Anakin trembled beneath his own pride.

The moonlight splayed over his shoulders, weaving through his white hair, curving over the hard edges of the right side of his face. His eyes, cheeks, lips, chin, his entire face lost to the shadows. Anakin could see nothing of him, but he could imagine the furrow of his brow, the pull of his mouth into that familiar sneer. Or would his cheeks ripple with a snarl? He almost wished he could see him, the revulsion of his features, the cruel amusement preferable to the void that stared back at him.

He could feel something though, intangible as the Force, but as palpable as its presence. Dooku’s gaze. Those hard, dark orbs, piercing his bunched shoulders, his heaving chest, the tremble of his stomach.

He lost.

“Please…”

[ And this is as far as I got because I’m terrible. I’m not tagging this much either, because its a WIP. ]

[f4liveblogarchives]

Fantastic Four Vol 1 #241

Sun Dec 20 2020 [12:49 PM] Wack'd: Front-cover tagline is one font change away from being a Jeopardy! clue

[12:50 PM] maxwellelvis: Who is "Kang the Conqueror"? [12:51 PM] Wack'd: We open on Nick Fury showing the Four a digital map of Africa with a huge glowing spot indicating a massive power surge [12:51 PM] Umbramatic: welp [12:51 PM] Wack'd: Ben thinks "maybe the ay-rabs got some new power source" which, y'know, fun [12:51 PM] Umbramatic: oh geez [12:52 PM] Wack'd: Anyway the cover's got Black Panther on it, so naturally this surge is on the Wakandan border [12:53 PM] Wack'd: T'Challa won't let SHEILD in, and he's resigned as an Avenger, but Fury figures since the Four are old friends T'Challa might let them do some snooping [12:54 PM] Wack'd: Ben naturally is like "wait, if you're respecting Wakanda's sovereignty how did you guys flag this" [12:55 PM] Wack'd: Turns out SHEILD was following some other weird phenom and stumbled into this by accident. Said phenom turns out to be Attilan flying to the moon [12:55 PM] Umbramatic: oops [12:55 PM] maxwellelvis: Good thing Reed's collar stretches. [12:56 PM] Wack'd: Reed says he took special measures to make sure every airspace that got violated got a message not to worry about it which 1. seems like a good way to make folks worry and 2. I guess he forgot to send SHIELD that memo [12:58 PM] Wack'd: Hmmm. Not sure I like this

[12:58 PM] Wack'd: Also Raiders had like just come out which is weird to think about [12:58 PM] Umbramatic: ben is cosplaying [12:59 PM] Wack'd: He's cosplaying a Mightey Whitey character for an Africa trip which. There are worse options I guess [12:59 PM] Umbramatic: oh [01:00 PM] Umbramatic: that did not sink in at first [01:00 PM] Wack'd: We're still doing huts and loincloths, huh? I am increasingly wondering when he Afrofuturism kicks in and we get a Wakanda that's less...this

[01:01 PM] Umbramatic: ...same [01:01 PM] maxwellelvis: Not until black people start writing for Black Panther. [01:01 PM] Wack'd: (Probably once Black people get a crack at writing it tbh--yeah [01:01 PM] Wack'd: Also: did Bryne change Ben back to a lump for the sole purpose of justifying let's-you-and-him-fight bits [01:02 PM] Wack'd: Because if so that's...actually pretty clever [01:04 PM] Wack'd: Anyway the Four + Frankie go undercover as a safari complete with pith helmets and fatigues. Which always feels more like cosplay than realism when fictional characters do it no matter what the era [01:04 PM] Wack'd: Like when characters from the American south wear white suits. I always assume it's something that got come by thirdhand even though who knows maybe it's a thing [01:05 PM] Wack'd: Well something’s up

[01:07 PM] Wack'd: Hm. The implication that Wakanda has gotten less superstitious because of Europeans is certainly gross!

[01:08 PM] Wack'd: The Four get a closer look and find some Russians had also been investigating. Operative word being "had" because they're all skeletons now [01:08 PM] Bocaj: No telling where the meat ran off to [01:09 PM] Wack'd: No telling indeed [01:10 PM] Wack'd: No sooner do they start investigating than the team are ambushed by a squad of folks in gold-and-red Roman centurion cosplay. Not wanting to blow their cover, the team lets themselves get taken hostage, but Sue turns invisible before she's noticed so the team has an advantage if things need to pop off [01:10 PM] Umbramatic: spooky scary [01:11 PM] Umbramatic: what's with all the fucking cosplay this issue [01:11 PM] Wack'd: The team are led through a mountain stocked with Kirby-esque tech and led out the other side to:

[01:12 PM] Umbramatic: well [01:12 PM] Umbramatic: when in rome [01:13 PM] Wack'd: You know when I asked when the writers will realize Wakandans should probably have some degree of advanced architecture and whathaveyou this is not what I had in mind [01:14 PM] Wack'd: Frankie knows how to deal with sexual harassers and also racists

[01:14 PM] Umbramatic: good [01:14 PM] Wack'd: ...god I hope the guy under that helmet is white because if this isn't deliberate I'm gonna go apeshit [01:15 PM] Wack'd: ......unless I guess a white guy saying that doesn't necessarily mean the white guy writing it is deliberately writing a racist, considering *gestures at Wakanda's whole deal* [01:15 PM] Bocaj: I hope this isn’t nova roma [01:15 PM] Bocaj: That’s supposed to be in South America and also they tend to wear black face [01:15 PM] Bocaj: Not Claremont’s finest hour [01:16 PM] Wack'd: Does the name Gaius Tiberius Augustus Aggrippa mean anything to anyone. Also does it mean anything period, like, is that actual Latin [01:16 PM] maxwellelvis: It's just nouns [01:17 PM] Umbramatic: it sounds like a lot of emperor names mashed together and also that [01:17 PM] Bocaj: It sounds like all Roman names because there were only like twenty names and every Roman used every so far one [01:17 PM] Bocaj: Caligula’s real name was Gaius Caesar Augustus Germanicus [01:18 PM] Wack'd: Having lost the element of surprise Reed orders an ambush but GTAA manages to neutralize their powers. Including Sue's, which, how'd he even know she was there, c'mon [01:18 PM] Bocaj: Boo [01:18 PM] Umbramatic: boo [01:18 PM] Wack'd: It is time now for the traditional sequence in which the entire team is locked up and has to escape [01:19 PM] Bocaj: It sure happens to them a lot [01:19 PM] Bocaj: You’d think Mr Miracle was a fantastic four member at this rate [01:19 PM] Phantom: Hmm it's interesting how much I associate Latin with species names [01:20 PM] Wack'd: It turns out the deception vis-a-vis Black Panther was just the ol' Queen Amidala gambit. T'challa gets in a Batman boast about how you can't neutralize his powers because his powers are just having worked out a lot [01:20 PM] Umbramatic: MUSCLES [01:21 PM] maxwellelvis: This was before the Heart-Shaped Herb was a thing? [01:21 PM] Wack'd: T'Challa has been put in a slave gally because of course. Reed and Frankie are shackled in dungeons to the ceiling. Sue....has been stripped naked and left in a lavish bedroom [01:21 PM] Umbramatic: ...oh [01:21 PM] Phantom: of course [01:22 PM] Wack'd: GTAA has had "games called in [her] honor" which I assume means Gladiator. Maybe he'll surprise us by being big into baseball, who knows [01:22 PM] maxwellelvis: What are the odds that Byrne actually knows what gladiator games were like? [01:22 PM] maxwellelvis: I'm guessing not very good. [01:22 PM] Umbramatic: GTAA is really into esports [01:22 PM] Wack'd: Middling to low [01:23 PM] Wack'd: T'Challa tries to break Frankie out of her cell by just being like "hey, I'm your king, knock off this fuckery" but the guards aren't having it [01:23 PM] Bocaj: “You can’t neutralize my powers” is a weird flex when you get caught anyway [01:23 PM] Wack'd: Yeah [01:24 PM] Wack'd: GTAA decides to exposit his backstory to Sue [01:26 PM] Bocaj: I like to imagine that she makes the blah blah gesture while he talks [01:26 PM] Wack'd: He was an ancient Roman soldier sent to investigate a "falling star" which, of course, was actually an alien spaceship. He managed to dispatch its sole occupant and steal their armor, which imparted to him great smartitude [01:26 PM] Bocaj: Sure, of course [01:26 PM] maxwellelvis: Aaarrgh! No! Not another Prester John! [01:27 PM] maxwellelvis: John Byrne, have you no decency at all, sir?! [01:27 PM] Wack'd: By the time he got back his platoon had pulled out of the region for reasons unknown so he did what anyone from another culture with superior force and no mandate does when stranded across borders and take up dictatorship as a hobby [01:28 PM] Wack'd: So, uh. [01:28 PM] Wack'd: There are some...coloring discrepancies...in this book [01:29 PM] Umbramatic: oh [01:29 PM] Wack'd: I glossed over a panel with a Black Frankie Raye because, uh, I didn't really have a good joke about it, frankly [01:29 PM] Wack'd: But it seems instructive because there are two flashback panels where GTAA is colored Black and then a further three where he's a white guy [01:30 PM] Bocaj: In fairness [01:30 PM] Bocaj: That is in character for a Roman [01:30 PM] Bocaj: The dictatorship as a hobby I mean [01:31 PM] Wack'd: Dude has gone increasingly mask-off, racism-wise--during his backstory he boasts about rendering all his subjects mute because their language offended them and trying to teach them Roman was a bust because he still hated their "gibbering monkey voices" [01:31 PM] Wack'd: So, uh, I guess we'll see if this issue ends with An Aesop [01:31 PM] Bocaj: .... [01:31 PM] Umbramatic: wow dude [01:32 PM] maxwellelvis: He... DOES know there were black people in Rome, right? [01:32 PM] Wack'd: Bryne? I mean it's the 80s [01:32 PM] maxwellelvis: Either or [01:32 PM] Wack'd: Most pop culture assumed every country had monoracial societies in The Past until like ten years ago [01:33 PM] Bocaj: Not that rome wasn’t racist to anyone not from rome but [01:33 PM] Wack'd: You can pin a lot on Bryne but "yeah of course Romans were all white" is pretty on par [01:33 PM] Wack'd: Oh also GTAA deliberately named himself after Caligula so there's that settled [01:33 PM] Bocaj: Sure [01:34 PM] Umbramatic: so we can stop calling him Grand Theft Auto Anarchy [01:34 PM] Bocaj: We don’t have to [01:34 PM] Wack'd: Anyway GTAA wants Sue as his bride and if she refuses he will force Johnny and Ben to fight [01:35 PM] Wack'd: ...to the death, not like usual [01:35 PM] Bocaj: Ha [01:35 PM] Bocaj: It’d be funny if she was like “oh is it Tuesday already?” [01:35 PM] Wack'd: *long, deep sigh*

[01:36 PM] Wack'd: Thankfully Sue's immediately like "his powers come from his helmet, right? All I gotta do is take the helmet off" [01:37 PM] Wack'd: Turns out that helmet granted lots of powers [01:37 PM] Wack'd: Like immortality for him and his subjects [01:37 PM] Wack'd: And structural integrity for his city [01:37 PM] Wack'd: And the suppressive effect on the Four's powers [01:38 PM] Wack'd: Aaaaaaaaand there's no ontological inertia [01:38 PM] Umbramatic: ._. [01:38 PM] Wack'd: So just by taking the helmet off GTAA and all his slaves immediately die and the city crumbles [01:38 PM] Bocaj: Of course [01:38 PM] Wack'd: Kind of a bum deal for the people who spent twenty centuries in servitude [01:39 PM] Wack'd: "WE'RE FREE!" 💀 [01:39 PM] Bocaj: Sue: “well that’s the most people I’ve ever killed at once” [01:39 PM] Umbramatic: F [01:40 PM] Bocaj: “I never wanted to be dead, Surfer. Frankly, I only died out of peer pressure” [01:40 PM] Wack'd: And so everyone escapes, Reed does an exposition dump, and the story immediately ends [01:40 PM] Bocaj: No moral? [01:40 PM] Wack'd: Nope [01:41 PM] Umbramatic: "don't wear funky alien helmets kids" [01:41 PM] Wack'd: So...maybe Bryne was just being racist. I mean it seems probable but also it goes waaaaaaay mask-off in a way I don't think even Bryne woulda thought acceptable [01:43 PM] Wack'd: Anyway I do not think I have time for another issue before I gotta leave for work. Perhaps when I return later this evening we will do the next story, which is about everyone's favorite established Four baddie [01:43 PM] Wack'd: Terrax the Untamed [01:43 PM] Umbramatic: :O [01:43 PM] Wack'd: Who despite being from the 70s and thus far more recent I still had to look up

[dreamescapeswriting]

Labor Pains ~ JHS [Request]

WORD COUNT: 1.4K

PAIRING: Hoseok x Fem!Reader

GENRE: Pregnancy AU, fluffy with a little angst

The lights backstage were making you sweat as you waddled your way through the crowds of stage workers and managers trying to find Hoseok, tonight was their last show on tour and you didn't want to miss a single second of it. 

"Are you sure it's safe for you to be back here?" Jimin questioned as he held onto your arm, he'd been escorting you around the backstage area in the hunt for your husband. 

"Yeah, I'm not due for another three weeks, I'll be fine," You mumbled as you continued to walk with him, running your hand over your large bump as you made your way over to the side of the stage. Hoseok was standing talking with Jin and Yoongi about something so you leant against a speaker box, trying to catch your breath. Pregnancy was one of the most wonderful things you were getting to experience but also one of the most inconvenient things. You were running out of breath more, it was harder to walk around because of your size, not to mention all of your clothes no longer fitting you but it was all going to be worth it. To see your beautiful smiling child in your arms that you'd created with Hoseok, all of the pain and discomfort was all going to be worth it in the end. 

"Babe?" You looked up at Hoseok and smiled brightly, ignoring a pain that was running up and down your back as you wanted to show your support for the last show despite being told to stay at home. The Braxton hicks you'd been experiencing lately were getting worse as time went on but you ignored them, showing your love for Hoseok. 

"You should be at home resting," He hated the thought of you being out here while he was on stage but you would be fine. There were plenty of places to sit and watch him perform or you could go and sit in the changing rooms it was no big deal to you but to Hoseok it was a huge deal. His pregnant wife almost ready to give birth in a hot backstage area with too many hazards, he didn't want to risk it. 

"I don't-"

"Places!" Their stage manager screamed cutting him off before he could even begin speaking, he looked over your shoulder at one of the workers and smiled waving them over. 

"Can you take Y/n to the changing rooms, make sure the TV is on so she has something to do?" You stared at Hoseok sighing at the thought of not getting to see him do his last stage but he kissed your forehead. Leaving before he would get screamed at by his manager or by you now that you were unimpressed with him leaving you behind and with being carted off to a back room somewhere. You turned to look at the woman he'd left you with and smiled as you realized it was JJ someone you'd gotten close with over the tears of dating and marrying Hoseok.

"I'll take you to the room," You nodded following her towards the backroom when you felt a popping sensation before wetness ran down your leg. JJ frowned feeling something hit the back of her legs and she turned to look at you,

"O-Oh no," You gripping onto JJ as you tried not to scream out in pain and she frowned looking down at the floor to see some water leaking through your sweats. 

"Are you-" You nodded before letting out a loud groan as a contraction ripped through your body. Sending a pain up and down your back as you whimpered, panicked washed over JJ as she began barking out orders for people to get out of her way. Walking you in the direction of the changing rooms.

Taking deep breaths in and out you stared at JJ who had you laying on the shower floor in the bathroom, sweating dripping down your head as you tried to stop the pain.

"They're trying to get Hoseok off the stage but the earpiece isn't working," She told you as the door to the bathrooms opened to reveal an assistant carrying towels and blankets, 

"He's coming now, they waved him off the side of the stage." You whimpered rolling your head back against the floor as another contraction hit you. 

"Oh my god!" You groaned out, holding onto the bump as you screwed your eyes shut wanting nothing more than to be at the hospital. 

"You need to breathe through them," JJ reminded you as she held onto your hand, rubbing your forehead with a towel to remove the sweat as you shook your head. 

"It hurts, I just wanna go to the hospital," You panted as she smiled weakly at you, watching you as she waited anxiously for Hoseok to show up.

The door burst open and Hoseok stood there staring at you as you laid on the floor. Your legs were up with a blanket covering everything while JJ stared at him, 

"She's almost ready, there isn't time to get her to a hospital," She told him as you screamed out in pain when another contraction hit you. It was like having someone run a xylophone beater up and down your spine while kicking you in the uterus all at the same time. 

"I need to get to a hospital, I-I am not giving birth on a concert bathroom floor!" You snapped looking at Hoseok who was now kneeling beside you, holding your hand while JJ went to take another look, shaking her head at Hoseok. 

"Baby, you can't. We need to deliver here or there could be problems," Hoseok tried to tell you but you whined out shaking your head as tears rolled down your face, 

"I will run to the hospital if I have to!" You yelled at Hoseok but he shook his head at you, 

"We can't baby, it'll be fine here-"

"You pee out a watermelon and tell me you wouldn't run to a hospital that would be able to make this hurt less!" You screamed out, gripping onto his hand tighter as you felt your final contraction hitting you, you began sobbing while shaking your head. 

"I can't do this," You mumbled rolling your head back against the floor, mumbling out swear words as you tried to calm yourself down.

"You need to push for us Y/n, okay?" You stared up at the medic that was on-site and shook your head, your body felt weak but Hoseok helped crunch you up. 

"You can do this baby, squeeze my hand." He whispered, kissing your temple as he got you ready mentally to start pushing. 

"Push, in 3...2...1." The medic told you as she lifted up the blanket to check what was happening. 

"Arghhhh!" You screamed out, squeezing your eyes shut as you pushed as hard as you could. 

"No, N-No, I can't." You panted as you continued to push, the medic giving you encouraging words as you drowned her out. Not wanting to listen to anything she was saying,

"This is a concert bathroom, I can't do this, I need a hospital, I-I need a hospital," You cried out, laying back down on the pillows and blankets as you felt your body giving up on you. Shaking your head rapidly as you felt pain radiating through your body.

"No, no, I can't do this," You whispered as Hoseok told you that you could, trying to give you words of encouragement as much as he could. 

"It's too much pain, I can't Hobi," You whispered as he looked at you, kissing your hand as he lifted it up to his lips. 

"Babies are born and it hurts but everything is going to be okay, you're going to look at our little girl and you are going to forget all of this," He reminded you as he kissed your lips, you nodded weakly. Sitting back up as you began pushing harder as you screamed out in pain.

"I'm going back on the pill! We're never doing this again!" You told him as you kept pushing shaking heavily, 

"We're not having another oneeee!" You screamed out until you heard the crying of a baby girl, 

"Here she is," The medic said, wrapping your baby girl up in blankets before passing her to you and Hoseok as you laid back against the pillows, panting as you looked at her. The pain melting away instantaneously as soon as you laid eyes on her.

After being checked out at the hospital and given the all-clear you and Hoseok got to go home with your bundle of joy. Taking her to her own room where you and Hoseok stayed for the night, sleeping beside her crib for the first night. 

Tagline: @lyoongx @mitzwinchester @rjsmochii @taestannie @kneel-begyourpardon @innersooya @sw33tnight @sweeneyblue1 @jin-from-the-block @acciocriativity @that-anxious-bisexual @mwitsmejk

[reformedkingsmanagent]

Let’s talk.

So I’m currently replaying The Last of Us Part II.

Full game spoilers below (also I wrote too much so be ready for a rambling essay as well)

As I’ve said before, I really don’t understand what is “weak” about this story. I’m already picking up minor things with Abby that I couldn’t have necessarily noticed the first time around. 

[imagine an abby gif here because apparently there aren’t any with the tumblr search and I’m just ready to post this]

When we see her, she’s dreaming, and it’s not a good dream. We now know it was likely of the SLC hospital corridor, where she discovers her father dead (that we play through a few times later on). Clearly she is still haunted by it. 

I noticed this next thing once I figured out what her tie to Joel was, but obviously the reason why she’s so hyper-muscular is because she’s been constantly training with one eventual goal in mind: killing Joel. She’s seen his work and knows it would be a fight, so she focuses her time and effort on the preparation for this moment, should it ever come. 

One thing we get to see later on with Abby is that killing Joel didn’t suddenly solve all her problems. It likely really wasn’t worth it over all. But not being blinded by rage and revenge allowed her to become involved with two Seraphites, Seraphites she likely would have immediately killed if she wasn’t walking around essentially purposeless. 

Her dreams don’t stop, and they get worse before they get better. But she gets reminded of her original purpose as a Firefly, and she’s able to embrace her father again, alive.

Ellie suffers from something similar, but she hasn’t gotten her revenge yet. She’s still consumed by what was consuming Abby at the start of the game. Ellie behaved much the same as Abby when she abandoned Jesse to pursue Abby directly (like when Abby kept insisting that this is what everyone wanted, Joel’s long and protracted torture). 

It’s the same thing that doesn’t allow her to be satisfied in what should’ve been an idyllic, productive life with Dina and JJ. When Tommy returns and reminds her of her desire for “justice” and revenge and provides her with an outlet for it, she jumps at it. She never would’ve been satisfied without resolving what she thought she couldn’t live without dealing with. Even with the cost being so high, she can’t help it (or really, she’s choosing not to help herself get over it).

Her rage is what drives her to Santa Barbara, and it’s what keeps her going when she’s essentially a dead woman walking, a grievous wound in her side and almost no fight left. She should’ve stopped ages ago, but that blind fury just keeps her going. 

We eventually see Ellie grow in a way that is different from Abby. Abby got to have her revenge and had to realize it didn’t really help her get over her father’s death like she thought or expected. She found something with Yara and Lev that used to be gone. Lev seems like her conscience in a way. An innocent in all this, he forces Abby to reconsider all her assumed biases in relation to the Seraphites and even the WLF. 

Ellie, however, ultimately never gets her revenge, because she eventually realizes it’s not worth it before she gets to that point. We see a flash of Joel that isn’t dead, and it’s not entirely clear to me yet what shifted, but possibly seeing the fight completely gone from Abby and forcing her to do it anyway may have made her realize how one sided this became. Abby was broken, and Ellie was very nearly there herself. I’ll be thinking about this for a while still to figure out what I think happened. But that’s Ellie’s growth. She stops herself.

She grew into a menacing figure like Joel or Tommy, using their tactics because she felt like she needed to (which is probably what they told themselves too), but eventually realized the error of that. It probably didn’t feel good to try to kill someone who didn’t care about the fight or rivalry anymore. 

All I’m trying to say here is obviously this isn’t a weak story if there’s this much discourse possible. You can say you don’t like the themes, or wish it was about something else, but that doesn’t make it trash. I fully expected to hate this Abby character (as what got spoiled for me besides Joel’s death was how much people seemed to dislike her), but honestly I love watching her growth. She’s a foil to Joel more than a foil to Ellie, and I think it’s super interesting to watch. She cares about Lev the way Joel came to care about Ellie, and I don’t understand what the hang up is. 

As a last note, Lev is the soul of this game and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I adore him and it hurts every time I remind myself how young he is. Just like Ellie used to be. Ellie’s encounter with David was heartbreaking, and Lev had to deal with his own mother’s blind rage towards him. I can’t imagine what that was like and honestly I’m a little glad we didn’t have to watch such hate happen and only encountered the aftermath (which was difficult enough).

There’s a reason the main screen becomes Abby and Lev’s boat beached on the shore of Catalina Island once you finish the game. 

More than willing to discuss this massive game with whoever. But don’t yell about it if your only encounter with the “weak” story is some leaks. If you’ve never played a Naughty Dog game I can almost forgive you for rushing to judgment on the game because of the leak of cutscenes, but in case you didn’t know, about 80% of the game is actual gameplay. There is the combination of environmental storytelling, character banter and interactions, and the physical stress of actually playing through the game that you will never understand from a leak tied to cutscenes (or skimming through a let’s play). 

If these leaks never happened, I fully believe people would’ve been miles more receptive to Abby as a whole. But instead, people made judgments based on the leaks and refused to budge from them once the game actually released because who ever wants to admit they’re wrong? And then of course once it became clear that a majority of critics did not agree with them, they review-bombed on Metacritic and turned to being disgusting to game journalists and reviewers, insisting Sony paid them for that perfect score. (Seeing Huber from Easy Allies open up on how hard it’s been to deal with was super depressing. Why can’t people be better?) It’s absurd and it’s always been a conspiracy-type argument that holds no water, but people still bring it out when it suits them. 

As for Joel, remember Tess? “We’re shitty people Joel, it’s been that way for a long time.” Why are people so surprised about Joel’s eventual fate? Still don’t get it. I was heartbroken for sure, and I cried like a disgusting baby as it happened, but it doesn’t mean I can’t understand narratively why it happened. Even more so once we find out how Abby fits into the whole thing and why it was her specifically torturing Joel and not the others. 

Do I appprove of torture? No. Do I understand her pain? I like to think so. I’m a pretty empathetic person (pisces, what can I say?) so that’s not difficult for me to do. I felt the way Ellie felt up to the switch in perspectives to Abby, and even a bit into that. It took a while for me to warm up to Abby but once I did I realized what Naughty Dog (and more specifically Neil and Halley) wanted me to see. 

The game being referenced as a study on hate, the tagline being ‘how far would you go if someone hurt your loved one’ (I’m paraphrasing here) makes it incredibly obvious about the overall themes, but it’s presented in a way that’s literally designed to make you uncomfortable. You don’t want to be Abby now, she just killed Jesse and possibly Ellie, and you’re left on that terrifying cliffhanger to do the most menial of things as a character you probably want to see dead in that moment. But the time spent with Abby is so worthwhile. It adds weight to Ellie’s actions and shows how far gone Ellie has become, and you are forced to deal with the thought that Ellie might be the villain here. Which is the whole point.

None of this is to say that Abby is a saint, it’s just showing two characters at different stages in the cycle of revenge and violence. Ellie does return to the farmhouse, where she knows she should’ve been all along, and I can only hope she wanders off to find Dina and JJ and apologize, but we don’t know for certain. I can’t wait to finish it all over again.