#the untamed companion album

[korpikorppi]

Does anyone know what is going on with the Untamed OST Companion Album (the one with the character songs) on Spotify?

Because when I listened to it today after a while I noticed that the Bibi Chou version of Wuji and Jin Guangyao's character song (Duo Hen Sheng) have been changed into different versions from what they originally were on the album 😶?! The ones there now are quite different, and even if they are nice, they just feel...weird 🤔 (I loved the originally included versions, which are still, luckily, on YouTube in the form of the official MVs).

Does anyone know why??

[rk099]

Meadowlark Memoirs: Songs and Stories from Open Fields

In the heart of open fields and under the vast canvas of the sky, a melodic tapestry unfolds—Meadowlark Memoirs, an enchanting collection of songs and stories that resonate with the spirit of the countryside. This musical odyssey invites listeners to wander through the rustic landscapes, where the soulful melodies of meadowlarks intertwine with the whispers of the wind.

The Nature's Symphony

Meadowlark Memoirs serves as a musical companion to the open fields, capturing the essence of nature's symphony. Each track paints a vivid picture, from the gentle rustling of the grass to the rhythmic dance of wildflowers swaying in the breeze. It's a sensory journey that transports the audience to the heart of the meadow, creating an immersive experience that transcends the boundaries between music and the natural world.

Stories Woven in Song

Beyond the harmonies, Meadowlark Memoirs tells tales etched in the rural landscape. The lyrics, like pages from a memoir, unfold narratives of life in the open fields—stories of resilience, love, and the ever-changing seasons. These tales resonate with listeners, evoking a sense of connection to the earth and its timeless cycles.

Collaborative Artistry

The album brings together a mosaic of talents, with musicians and storytellers joining forces to create a cohesive masterpiece. The collaboration is not just among the artists but extends to the natural world itself, where the ambient sounds of chirping crickets and babbling brooks become integral components of the auditory experience. Meadowlark Memoirs is a testament to the beauty that emerges when humanity collaborates with nature.

A Breath of Fresh Air

In a world often dominated by urban clamor, Meadowlark Memoirs offers a refreshing escape. It invites us to unplug, step away from the hustle and bustle, and reconnect with the simplicity and beauty of open spaces. The album becomes a sonic refuge—a sanctuary where the mind can find solace and the heart can find resonance.

Closing Notes

Meadowlark Memoirs isn't just an album; it's a journey into the heart of the countryside, a celebration of the untamed beauty that surrounds us. Whether you're a lover of folk music, a nature enthusiast, or someone seeking a moment of tranquility, this collection beckons you to immerse yourself in its melodies and stories. As you listen, let the meadowlarks guide you through a tapestry of memories, forging a connection with the timeless tales woven into the fabric of open fields.

[mountaingoatsfirstlineaday]

the mountain goats reached me across genre.

I'm a punk kid from way back, though my music taste has always been eclectic. taylor swift's you belong with me was the first song i ever heard that clicked. I've loved her music for an amount of time that stretches out in both directions from me, past and future. i listened to pop, always leaning towards artists like avril lavigne and p!nk, mostly before age ten. I dabbled in electronica (owl city was my absolute favorite for a long time). like so many disheveled-and-black-sheep sort of kids, i discovered the emo trinity in middle school and pledged allegiance to them. since then, I haven't quit listening to punk. sometimes i slip into the indie/lofi territory (phoebe bridgers car seat headrest neko case my beloved) but other than swift, my most constant music companion has been my chemical romance.

i heard the mountain goats first when i was in high school, during the tail end of a period of two years, give or take, that i now consider to be the worst time of my life so far. as many of you guys know by now, it was late at night when rain in soho came on.

and i couldn't help it. i fell in love. slowly, silently. the song passed almost without me checking the title, and at the last moment i thought to. i didn't look up the mountain goats until a couple days later, thanks to my poor memory.

i didn't really understand what it was that appealed to me about the music back then (as a rule i never listen to the album that contains the song i discovered the band through first... i don't have a good explanation for why i do this); the first entire album i listened to was the sunset tree and i was genuinely put off by how different it sounded (something i'm now deeply grateful for... if tst sounded like goths it would be a vastly different listening experience and i like the it the way it is now very much). i'm not a usual folk listener, even on the folk punk side of things, and until a couple years ago i had a severe aversion towards most vocalists who were not classically trained (i have very different opinions on this now lol. blame my mental illness and first vocal teacher). tmg was such a giant step out of my usual zone of beloved music, and yet there was, and still is, something magnetic about them. i cannot help it.

i'm still not super into folk punk. i like ajj occasionally. i appreciate the front bottoms. kimya dawson is always nice. it's unfair to reduce the mountain goats (or any music, for that matter) down to one of their many genres. the very idea of genre shivers under the weight of the gaze of the mountain goats' music. how do you categorize it? something so unique and varied? that shifts like a kaleidoscope when you turn your head? we can call tmg punk: we have before. heretic pride comes to my mind first, especially in the craters on the moon and lovecraft in brooklyn. maybe it's not as much of a stretch as i thought when i started this post.

either way, it was unexpected to me at the time. in hindsight though, the music that the mountain goats makes is the music i had been craving since the very first time i checked an avril lavigne cd out from the library. an everchanging, beautifully violent, and heartburstingly romantic catalogue. stories told with language that suits them, narrators who are emotional and volatile and growing constantly. something rough and ragged and untamed. undefinable.

and when i needed it, i found it.

[blue-eyes-tattoos]

Fic Recs - first half of 2020 I

Given the past months’ circumstances I’ve had lots of time to read so here are my first half of 2020 fic recs. It’s a good mix of old and new I’d say.

Starting with novel length fics (> 50k):

The Recklessness In Water by LarryOn | @larryonsimon

(E, 51k, lifeguard!Harry, unemployed!Louis)

Louis Tomlinson is miserable. He's stuck on a family vacation at a lake cabin in New Hampshire when all he wants to do is bemoan his sorry existence and wallow in his sweatpants. As if the humidity and mosquitos weren't bad enough, he becomes the singular target of an obnoxious lifeguard named Harry.

Live A Thousand Lifetimes by Layne Faire | @laynefaire

(E, 58k, Ziam, Future fic, Canon compliant, exes to lovers, angst with a happy ending)

It’s 2025. After secretly writing and producing their first album in ten years, One Direction is weeks away from releasing their first new single and announcing a world tour. With the whirlwind about to begin again, Liam re-evaluates the last ten years - the fame, the money, the people who changed his life forever - and the person who walked away.

Untamed Hearts by Layne Faire | @laynefaire

(E, 69k, Ziam, enemies to friends to lovers, pining, angst, surfer!Liam, artist!Zayn, they’re all students though, side larry)

It could have been the heat of the summer sun; it might have been the silvered sheen of an early harvest moon. If he dug deep enough, Liam could find every reason ever needed to explain away what happened. In the end, though, it all came down to two meddling friends, a touch of Prince, a bit of Keats, and the moon over the ocean. Its a recipe for disaster. Or love. Probably love.

Turning Page by purpledaisy | @daisyharry

(M, 68k, famous/non-famous, famous!Harry, non-famous!Louis (kind of), football player!Louis)

AU: Harry Styles tries to get lost in a place he’s never been.  Louis Tomlinson has been perfecting the art of being lost for years. What they don’t expect to find is each other.

To The Ends Of The Earth by stylinsoncity

(M, 68k, Canon compliant, love/hate, angst)

During a yearlong hiatus, Louis visits Harry at his cabin in Idaho, where long-buried feelings ignite like the fire keeping them warm.

Fall Into Your Gravity by zarah5 | @zarah5

(E, 74k, famous/non-famous, mistaken identity, based on the German movie ‘Single By Contract’)

AU. In which Harry is an overnight pop sensation and Louis steals plants, Zayn pulls Liam's proverbial pigtails and Niall's really just pleased there are more girls for him.

Nothing But You On My Mind by nonsensedarling | @absoloutenonsense

(E, 84k, Prince Harry Styles, PR manager!Louis, enemies to lovers, Royalty AU, there’s a great plot twist btw)

Louis Tomlinson is a PR manager hired to improve the image of royal bad-boy Prince Harry Styles. Unfortunately for him, that means being faced with the Prince's constant innuendos, incessant dirty jokes, and relentless flirting. Louis just wants to make it to Princess Gemma's coronation; once she's crowned Queen, his contract is up and he never has to see the Prince again.

The Murmur Of Yearning by MediaWhore | @mediawhorefics

(M, 93k, Historical AU, slow burn)

Four years ago, Harry Styles was forced into a marriage of convenience to enrich and ally both his and his promised's families. The sudden, and slightly suspicious, death of the Marquess of Haxshire, however, brings great disturbance to Crescentfield Hall and, as his late's husband's closest male relative, Harry unexpectedly finds himself the head of a family he never felt he belonged to. Between a meddling distant cousin hellbent on inserting himself in Harry’s life, his wicked and mistrustful mother-in-law and his late husband’s advisors refusing to help or take him seriously, Harry struggles in the fight to keep what he’s earned and make the Estate finally feel like home. Luckily, he doesn’t stand completely alone and finds himself an unlikely ally in Mr Tomlinson, the elusive Land Stewart who has been taking care of the property in the shadows for years. Louis Tomlinson is caring, patient, and unlike everyone else, he doesn’t seem to think Harry committed a murder.

Paint Me In A Million Dreams by green_feelings | @greenfeelings

(M, 113k, fake relationship, hate to love, Hollywood AU)

Harry's one of Hollywood's biggest actors, has made a name for himself in prestigious films and lives the life of a superstar. There's just one thing missing to make it picture-perfect, but the one Harry's in love with is completely out of reach for him. Enter Louis, one of Hollywood's biggest actors himself, who just came out of the closet and taps new genres in the industry. When Louis sacks the role Harry auditioned for in Scorsese's next big film, their irrational feud starts. Who could have guessed it would get even worse when for promo season, their teams decide to present them as a couple for publicity? In short, Harry's in love with someone and doesn't care about dating anyone else, Louis never felt home in L.A., Liam writes love songs for someone he shouldn't write love songs to, and Niall makes everything better with good food.

Bitter Tangerine by purpledaisy | @daisyharry

(M, 120k, lovers to exes to enemies to friends to lovers, slow burn)

AU: Nine months after they break up, a twist of fate brings Harry and Louis back together at Christmas.

Empty Skies by green_feelings | @greenfeelings

(E, 134k, band AU, angst, hate, pining, and also kinda famous/non-famous, i’d add another tag but that would be a spoiler so)

For three years, Harry has been running from his past. Now, he is moving to London and pledges to fulfil his only dream -- making it big in the music industry. Not everyone has a place, though, and the competition is tough. As is his past catching up on him. Louis is part of the biggest boy band of the world, and getting there had meant a lot of hard work, as well as sacrificing parts of his heart and soul. He's still happy. Maybe not as happy as he could be, but who is he to complain? Featuring Perrie as Harry's adorable flatmate, Niall as his manager, and Liam and Zayn as Louis' bandmates.

As You Are by zarah5 | @zarah5

(E, 139k, famous/non-famous, X Factor judge!Louis, contestant!Harry, angst with a happy ending)

AU. Five years after The X Factor launched his career as a radio host and songwriter, Louis Tomlinson returns as a judge. Falling for a contestant is the last thing he needs. It's also against his contract. The only reason Harry auditions for The X Factor is because his best mate signed the two of them up as some kind of joke. Harry doesn't get the big deal—not until he's faced with this season's judges and realises that one of them used to be his desperate, impossible teenage crush.

Pull Me Under by zarah5 | @zarah5

(E, 140k, fake relationship, football AU)

AU. As the first British footballer to come out at the prime of his career, it helps that Louis Tomlinson is in a long-term, committed relationship. Even if that relationship is fake. (Featuring Niall as Louis' favourite teammate, Liam as Louis' agent, and Zayn as Liam's boyfriend, who just happens to be good friends with one Harry Styles.)

BONUS (read it last year but it has to be in here)

Tired Tired Sea by MediaWhore | @mediawhorefics

(M, 113k, famous/non-famous, slow burn, hurt/comfort, pining)

As a B&B owner on the most remote of all the British Isles, Louis Tomlinson is used to spending the coldest half of the year in complete isolation, with his dog and the sea as sole companions. Until, one day, a mysterious stranger on a quest to rebuild himself rents a room for the winter.

[hunxi-guilai]

Hi! New to your blog, so maybe you already addressed this and I missed it. Was wondering if you ever talked about the Untamed OST lyrics before. Specifically QuJinChenQing which Xiao Zhan sings. There's one line "剑挑姑苏十里春” which they translate as "and had a sword battle with the most beautiful person in Gusu." (Roughly 1:17). Was wondering where that came from. My understanding is that 十里春 literally means ten miles of spring, am I missing a reference?

well hello there, and welcome to the chaos!

The most I’ve talked about the CQL companion album is in this post, and a pretty big reason is that... I’m scared of the songs... they’re so complicated and difficult to understand... 

Not that the songs themselves are hard! But they hit that junction of lyrical and concise and poetic as all get-out that the odds of me just straight-up missing a reference or five is not even a question, it’s a certainty.

But! You’re in luck because I have googled that reference! 十里春, as far as I can tell, is a reference to two different poems:

《春》冯唐 / “Spring” by Feng Tang

春水初生，/ Spring waters, newly born

春林初盛，/ Spring woodland, newly flourishing

春风十里，/ Spring winds, for ten li*

不如你。/ -- none are a match for you.

*a 里 li is a historical Chinese unit of measurement for distance, roundabout 500m

(The general idea here being that even the sights of a spring in bloom are no match in beauty for the recipient of the poem)

Feng Tang was a 21st century writer and poet; if we want to go back farther, there’s this poem by 杜牧 Du Mu from the Tang Dynasty that people have pointed to as inspiring Feng Tang’s:

《赠别二首》其一 / “Two Poems, Presented at Parting,” the first

娉娉袅袅十三余， / Graceful and slender -- some thirteen years

豆蔻梢头二月初。/ Cardamom flower branch-tip -- the beginning of February

春风十里扬州路，/ Ten li of spring winds along the Yangzhou roads

卷上珠帘总不如。/ Pearl curtains, rolled up -- none can match her.

So this poem is much more oblique, but Du Mu here appears to be writing about a lovely young courtesan who has caught his eye, and compares her to a spring bud in the first couplet. The second couplet is a very, ah, delicate way of referring to some ten li of roads in Yangzhou that appear to be full of beautiful women, dancing and singing, hiding coyly behind pearl curtains -- but none of them are as beautiful as this young girl here. These poems appear to be presented as a gift of parting from Du Mu to the courtesan of the poems. 

BUT THE POINT IS 十里春 / ten li of spring is a poetic term heavily laden with implications of beautiful women, but, much like 佳人, are technically gender neutral

Hope that clears things up!

[phoenixrisesoncemore]

I was tagged by @wangxianbunnydoodles (oh my, this is long and you might regret it; also I don’t follow instructions well 😉). I tend not to be very good at these things (sorry to anyone else who has tagged me in these kinds of things before—this is a rare event happening mostly because I wanna talk about Tolkien books and ships) but here goes:

Top 3 Ships

I don’t actively ship characters that often. I’m not sure why that is. I do enjoy reading fic with pairings either canon or not, but I don’t often go “all in” on ships in most narratives I consume. There are notable exceptions (more than three but these are the three most recent—I have no idea how to identify my top ships):

WangXian (CQL). This is surely obvious from the current state of my blog, right? I blame The Untamed and its impossibly tender, only-subtextual-by-a-hair’s-breadth romance. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a show express ultimate devotion, deep affection, true appreciation, complete understanding (eventually), and the sheer *necessity of the other* between two people quite like this one has. Hell, I don’t think I’ve ever seen two characters and desperately wanted them together and happy as much as I have these two, so bravo to the cast and crew for generating such second-hand devotion in me.

Silvergifting (Tolkien). This is all @thearrogantemu’s fault. I’d read some Silvergifting before I read These Gifts That You Have Given Me, mostly out of curiosity (some good stuff, too!), but I had never read any Tolkien fic that convinced me it was *true* (on many, many levels, though the ship level is the one pertinent to this post). In any canon-like universe this ship hurts, but in the Gifts universe it hurts the most; it hurts like Hell. It hurts in the way only razor-sharp, sorry-the-universe-works-this-way, oh-are-those-my-entrails-on-the-floor-I-didn’t-even-feel-the-knife tragedy can hurt. And it’s so convincing that it’s just...a fact now. Tolkien just forgot to tell us. So now I ship Silvergifting, but most deeply, specifically THAT Silvergifting. (Meanwhile, 14 year old me continues to look at *significantly* older me like I’m insane.)

ZeLink (Legend of Zelda). Deep down I’m still 12 years old and no amount of fine lines and wrinkles is going to change that. When is Breath of the Wild 2 coming out?

Last Song

I listen to soundtracks and bombastic and dramatic orchestral pieces much more often than I listen to what people mean when they say “songs,” and a significant chunk of the “songs” I listen to are from musicals/operas.

Earlier today it was Hanz Zimmer’s soundtrack to Dark Phoenix (don’t start me up on the continuing disappointment that Phoenix adaptations continue to be to me—you don’t want to hear it; even I don’t want to hear it).

Before that it was Barbra Streisand’s The Broadway Album. (I prefer her outer space cover of “Somewhere” to the actual thing. Fight me.)

Before that it was Carmina Burana (One of my favorite things ever was when we went to a live performance of Carmina Burana and a boy who couldn’t have been more than 7 years old sat in the aisle in front of us and head-banged enthusiastically through “O Fortuna.” It was so metal. You go, kid. You get it.).

Before that it was a splattering of Billy Joel hits with emphasis on “2000 Years”, “River of Dreams”, “Scenes from an Italian Restaurant”, “The Stranger”, and “Only the Good Die Young” (thanks to that outstanding WangXian interpretation!).

Of course the soundtracks to The Untamed/CQL have been on repeat for weeks around here, particularly every single iteration of “WuJi” and the flute-heavy instrumental pieces (man, those are good!).

Not long ago I had Sarah Brightman’s covers of “Figlio Perduto” from La Luna and “Glosoli” and “One Day Like This” from Dreamchaser burning through my iPhone battery (yes, I like popera).

Enya, and especially Shepherd Moons and The Track Which Shall Not Be Named has been on repeat a lot.

Last Movie

I don’t sit down to watch movies that often any more. It just takes too much stillness and undivided attention and more resistance to multi-tasking than I have. The actual last movie that I watched (in a “have it on on another screen while I work” kind of way) was Raiders of the Lost Ark, which, of course, I’ve seen umpteen times and which followed a similar rewatch of the Back to the Future trilogy. The last movie I watched completely without distraction was Book Smart; I don’t watch comedies very often, but I really enjoyed it in an “OMG, I can totally relate to this” kind of way (except for the class president thing—that would have required that I interact with other people my own age and also not be homeschooled). Before that I think it was the Tolkien biopic. Man, I still haven’t written anything about that.

Currently Reading (in order of when I started them)

Oh dear.

The Familiar: part 1, Mark Z Danielewski. *sigh* For as much as I think Danielewski is brilliant and House of Leaves is one of my favorite books ever, I’ve just not been able to get into much of his other work. It’s universally a time and energy investment to penetrate and puzzle through, and I just don’t have as much of that as I used to. House of Leaves makes that investment worth it from early on and is absolutely a page-turner once you settle in, but other than The Fifty Year Sword I’ve just not been able to get into the rest of his work. The Familiar: part 1 is supposed to be the first in a 26 part series which is currently halted at part 4, I think. Without a guarantee of all parts ever being published, I don’t think I’m ready to invest more time into part 1 and may end up abandoning it, unfortunately.

History of The Hobbit, Douglas Anderson. Anderson did what Christopher didn’t and gave The Hobbit the HoMe treatment (if a bit less literal and opaque in format). It’s fascinating (I mean, there’s the Beren and Luthien name drop you were not expecting right there in the first draft), but reading essentially the same passages with only small changes over and over can be a slog, so reading it has been an ongoing project for over a year now.

Splintered Light: Logos and Language in Tolkien’s World, Verlyn Fleiger. This is Fleiger’s look at Tolkien’s Middle-earth in light of his association with Owen Barfield. Particularly, she is examining Tolkien’s work in conjunction with Barfield’s Poetic Diction and his thoughts on language and meaning. I have not read Poetic Diction, but I probably will now since it apparently addresses language formation as related to the origin of human consciousness which is SO up my alley.

New Seeds of Contemplation, Thomas Merton. My late sister-in-law had a masters in theology from Notre Dame and became a huge Merton fan. Meanwhile, my best friend actually spent a weekend retreat at The Abbey of Gethsemani. Between hearing about him from the two of them, I developed an interest in Merton. I happened to read “Moral Theology of the Devil” a couple of years ago. It was one of the most illuminating theological things I have read and deeply inspired my own Tolkien fic-writing (let’s just say the progress there is otherwise slow). This book is a collection of pieces which happens to contain that piece, and I’ve been skipping around through it for a while now.

The Lord of the Rings reread (Tolkien, obviously). I hate this, but I am so deep in so many critical Tolkien books that I’ve not had the chance to really sit down and relax into my reread for months and months and will likely just end up starting over. Plus I want to read it concurrently with the next entry in this list and the next entry is taking longer to get through because of its format. That entry being:

The Lord of the the Rings: A Reader’s Companion, Hammond and Scull. This is a treasure trove of data and insights for those really wanting to dig critically-historically into The Lord of the Rings on a chapter-by-chapter, passage-by-passage basis. The only issue with it is that jumping back and forth between the two (as you have to: this is a reference book) tends to kill the mood of The Lord of the Rings when read as it’s meant to be read: for enjoyment!

The Power of Limits: Proportional Harmonies in Nature, Art, and Architecture, Gyorgy Doczi. This has been an ongoing read here and there since Christmas, especially as I work on two personal projects.

The Gospel in a Pluralist Society, Lesslie Newbigin. To be honest I don’t think I am going to finish this one. I like a few of the things he says, things I think are truthful and which need to be confronted in American Christian culture in particular, but it’s just too much Calvin for my taste, too many assumptions I do not share being the heretic that I am, and I spend too much time anger-notating about theology to read it with grace.

In Full Measure I Return to You, thearrogantemu. This is a reread of the (relatively) happy AU fic for my most favoritest Tolkien fic (Gifts), but I’ve put my reread on hold while I finish one of the two projects, after which I am diving in and screw the rest of this list for the time being.

Food Craving

Sushi. My kingdom for some good sushi. I’ve only had sushi once since we got back from NY and while it was the best sushi I have had locally IT WAS NOT OMAKASE AT SUSHI NOZ. It also didn’t require a personal loan to pay for, but *shrug* I’m spoiled now and will forever crave what I can no longer have.

People I’d Like To Get To Know Better

I hate tagging people in these things because I’m awkward and shy and do them so rarely myself that it feels hypocritical for me to ask it of others. That being said: if you’re a follower of my blog and you want to do this, please do! And please tag me! I’d love to get to know more about you 😊.

[chibisquirt]

Assembling an Untamed playlist so I never have to stop having feels, even when I'm doing the dishes; song recs for maximum feelings?

ohhh, that’s a tricky one!  I’m a little odd re: music in that there is very, very little I *don’t* like.  Also, what genres do you prefer?  I have to admit, I got pretty stuck on the Untamed companion album; “Hen Bie” in particular is very *chefkiss*.  (also, it is DEEPLY unfair that every last one of those fuckers can sing!  Like, wtf???) 

Hmm, @ohvolh has a fic called “radio silence” (which I would dearly love some more of) which comes with an accompanying spotify playlist, maybe check that out?

[rilenerocks]

  A good friend of mine told me a while back that I was “living large.” I guess I’d have to agree with her. After Michael died, I thought very hard about how I wanted to live the rest of my life. I’d always thought that based on the longevity in Michael’s family, that I’d either die before him or that we’d age together. I didn’t know what I’d feel like after the five years of his cancer dominating our lives. In the months before his death, he’d ask me what I was going to do without him. I truthfully responded that I had absolutely no clue. We’d been together for so many decades. I never imagined life absent his presence. He encouraged me to find partnership, saying I was born to be with someone. As it turns out, that was true. But apparently he was the only someone. I haven’t had the slightest interest in these past few years of seeking out a new companion. I’m still with him. But I have chosen to live in ways that I would’ve liked to share with him. Ways that I know would he’d be glad I’d chosen, an active adventurous life, both mentally and physically. The mental part has been easy. I’ve always been intellectually motivated and curious so there’s no end to my interests. I can say that happily, I’m never bored. I’m more likely to be frustrated that there isn’t enough time in a day for me to explore all my ideas.

The more physically demanding life was more of a challenge. After hobbling around with two bone-on-bone knees, I finally got replacements which changed the way I could experience the world. But even before that, I struck out on my own, traveling alone to Sedona and the National Monuments of Arizona. I spent a week in Cincinnati, enjoying my first ever professional tennis tournament and seeing my beloved Roger Federer. I went alone to Glacier National Park and also took a fifteen day road trip with my son which covered twelve states. I planned a 50th high school reunion, attended the Laver Cup in Chicago and have seen a half dozen live concerts which included Paul McCartney. I then drove south with my sister and knocked three more states off my list, hoping to see all fifty of them before I die. I only have a few left.I had a big adventure planned for May, a trip to Vancouver, followed by an Alaska/Denali sea and land journey which would ultimately end in Anchorage. Fifteen days of new experiences which would offset the challenges of May. My wedding anniversary is on the 1st, followed by Mother’s Day, the birthday of my oldest friend who’s been dead now for 32 years, then my birthday, the anniversary of Michael’s death and finally, his birthday. A rugged month. But then along came Covid19.

I was lucky enough to squeeze in a trip to Naples, Florida to visit friends  before the pandemic began to pick up steam. By the time my ten day vacation ended, I had a harrowing, paranoid journey home through two airports, one flight and one bus ride,  during which I sanitized my hands until they felt like sandpaper and avoided close contact with anyone breathing nearby. From then on, March 11th, it’s been self-isolation until my kids and I got to the point where we felt safe enough to see each other. I’m one of the lucky ones who has family nearby. They are working online and trying to educate their kids for whom school has been cancelled. Needless to say, the Alaska trip is off-all that’s left of it is trying to recover the money that was paid in advance. Certainly not the most wonderful experience. I can’t go swimming any more because the pool is closed, but I am grateful that I can walk without pain. I wish I could get some of those endorphins that always emerge from me in water but that’s not happening. Life has become unpredictable and much smaller. The question is, for how long? I’ve been thinking about what will happen when this need to re-open life in my part of the world becomes real. Will I ever live large again? Or is it time to scale back and live in a limited space.

Doctors are reporting that a mysterious blood-clotting complication is killing their coronavirus patients.

Every day there are new scary headlines. It seems that in rapid jolts, a small, threatening twist to this unpredictable virus is unearthed. If you shut the political noise out and study the science reporting, it seems clear that the predictive algorithms are fluctuating. It’s not only older people who are vulnerable. Anyone can get sick and anyone can be a silent carrier. Significant and widespread therapeutic treatments seem to be pretty distant right now as does a vaccine. And who knows about the efficacy of a vaccine? Flu vaccines help, but in some years they’re hit or miss. What is the overall implication of that formula?  

This is my bedroom, my sanctuary where I retreated every night with Michael, where we found comfort and respite with each other. Thankfully, I still feel the same about my room. This is where I think about these uncertain times and how I want to handle myself in the midst of them. I look around and see the choices of my life. My partner and my family photos. The Beatles and Federer.

My favorite artworks and my books are close by. I have my small fish tank with the little swimmers whose bright rhythmic darting is so relaxing at night. There are volumes of photo albums and a hoard of Michael’s movies on dvd. I have beautiful notes he wrote me long ago, in the beginning, which warm me still, after a lifetime.

Rocks and seeds sit on my bookshelf. Shells that I gathered on the Gulf shore beaches are arranged on a wall plaque I made, right next to the Mayan calendar date of our May 1st wedding anniversary, made in Tulum, Mexico where we went for our 25th. This is my small life, inside this space. I’m happy here. I feel like choosing this for now is the wisest thing to do, given the current murky future out there in the bigger world. Going to a movie theater? How about the pool which might remind me of a petri dish? Will I feel comfortable going to get my hair cut soon? That question is funny. I’ve already cut my bangs twice. But I’m not ready to take on all these mystifying layers on my head. Back when I was thinking about Marie Kondo’s minimalist guide, holding an object in your hand to see if it gave you joy and if not, discarding it, I grabbed my bag of hair accessories from my dresser. Back when I had long hair I used them all the time. I did the looking thing and just got annoyed so I put them back where they came from. That must have been a prescient moment – I’m certainly glad I’ve kept them around to help me manage my untamed mane. Who knows? Maybe I’ll have one more crack at a ponytail before I die. So no more big trips for the foreseeable future. And I’m on the fence about whether the benefits will outweigh the risks for what were seemingly normal activities BC – Before Covid19. But I still have my garden which provides ample opportunities for fresh air, exercise and interesting yard visitors. I’ve been having car social hours with my friends, meeting at parks or in other natural areas where we can chat from within our safe spaces and still feel connected. There are plenty of clouds to photograph and paving bricks to decorate with my collections of shells and rocks from travels. I’ve been trying to recover my drawing skills, primitive though they were. There are lots of Netflix shows, of course, and many old movies to watch.  I always have books.

If I’m going to be leading this smaller life, though, I felt like I needed something more, a new thing to love. I was thinking I’d just hang around waiting for “it” to come to me. Suddenly I remembered what I’d loved a long time ago, back in the time before computers and cell phones with keyboards. Back in the time when cursive was still a thing. I remembered learning to write cursive in elementary school. First we had to get through printing. All of this learning and practicing was done in pencil first. There had to be a way to erase mistakes and pencil erasers were easier to use than ink ones. We had these little lined workbooks, the lines that delineated the heights of upper and lower case letters. I just loved the whole process. We got penmanship grades. I was good at all of it. When you got really good, making few, if any mistakes, you graduated to pens. I loved pens. For the longest time, my favorites were Parker T-ball jotters. They moved so smoothly across a piece of paper. But better things awaited and I found them. Fountain pens. Beautiful fountain pens with little tubes of ink that you popped into their chassis. For a time, I collected them. They were sleek and romantic, perfect for the aspiring writer or at least, a writer of journals. I went into the office Michael and I shared and rummaged around in my supplies. And there it was, in a beaten up metal case.

It hadn’t been used in ages so I had to order ink. When I loaded it in, voila! A working fountain pen after so many years. Indeed, this is a really small thing, this slender little pen. But vistas have opened to me and it’s going to be a wonderful companion for this time when I’ll be living smaller.

  Living Smaller A good friend of mine told me a while back that I was “living large.” I guess I’d have to agree with her.

[korpikorppi]

Thought I'd collect some links to the music of the Untamed, in case someone (new fans?) finds it useful 🙂.

Spotify-link to the Untamed OST companion album, with all the character songs, many performed by the actors themselves:

And here's the original soundtrack by composer Lin Hai:

For the lyrics, I highly recommend the "poetic licence" translations by @hunxi-guilai. You'll find the introductory post here, and can access the individual songs by clicking the tag at the end of the post (the links in the text do not work for some reason, at least not in the mobile app).

Links to the official music videos (with English subs) in YouTube:

WuJi (Xiao Zhan and Wang Yibo)

WuJi 2020 Special Version:

WuJi (Bibi Zhou)

Qu Jin Chenqing - Wei Wuxian (Xiao Zhan)

Bu Wang - Lan Wangji (Wang Yibo)

Chi Zi - Wen Ning (Yu Bin)

Hen Bie - Jiang Cheng (Wang Zhuocheng)

Bu You - Lan Xichen (Liu Haikuan)

Qing He Jue - Nie brothers (Ayunga)

Shu Lin Ru You Su - Wen Qing (Gao Qiuzi)

Huang Cheng Du - Xue Yang (Zhou Shen)

Gu Cheng - Xiao Xingchen and Song Lan (Chen Zhuoxuan, Sun Bolun)

Zui Shi Shao Nian Bu Ke Qi - the Juniors (Zui Xue, Zheng Fanxing, Guo Cheng, Qi Peixing)

Yong Ge - Jiang Yanli and Jin Xixuan (Lara Liang, Yang Qiyu)

Yi Nan Ping - Jiang Yanli (Yin Lin)

Duo Hen Sheng - Jin Guangyao (J. Zen)

Bu Wang - Group song (Naomi Wang)

And a few miscellaneous links:

WuJi special instrumental version with video edit by the composer Lin Hai himself

WuJi performed live by Zhou Bi Chang (Bibi Chou)

WuJi live performance by Xiao Zhan and Wang Yibo (Untamed Fan Meet)

WuJi guqin cover

WuJi dizi cover

WuJi erhu cover

Bu Wang performed live by Wang Yibo (Nanjing Concert)

Chi Zi performed live by Yu Bin (Nanjing Concert)

Hen Bie live performance by Wang Zhuocheng (Nanjing Concert)

Hen Bie sang by Wang Zhuocheng in his living room (or so I presume 😀)

Huang Cheng Du performed live by Zhou Shen (Tencent Awards)

WuJi cover by Liu Haikuan

And as a final treat, here's Liu Haikuan playing WuJi. With a calculator 💙.