“Jaskier?” He hears, and looks up just in time to see Ciri rounding the corner. She has this frantic look in her eyes. “Jaskier! Jaskier, come quick! Geralt is awake.”
Jaskier’s spent the better part of his life running. He’s run towards coin and booze, from monsters and scorned lovers.
Still, he’s never run as fast as he does now.
He nearly trips over his own two feet twice in his haste to make it to Geralt’s room.
There are others already in there, but Jaskier quite make out who. He doesn’t care, the only one in the room who matters in the moment is the man laid out on the bed— pale and still sickly-looking, but alive.
He rushes over to his witcher, hands reaching out for Geralt’s face before he can stop himself. Jaskier doesn’t mean to overwhelm him, he doesn’t mean to take up all the air that surrounds him, but he can’t help it.
Three weeks and five days. That’s how long Geralt has slept in this bed, with not a single one of the mages being able to tell whether he’d wake up or not.
And now here he is, awake, with those yellow eyes piercing into Jaskier’s blue ones.
The bard simply can’t help himself. He couldn’t part from Geralt now even if he tried.
“Darling?” He utters, voice weak and trembling, just like the hands that clutch Geralt’s face.
“Jaskier?” And Geralt’s voice sounds so familiar, yet so new.
“Yes,” he breathes, “yes, love, it’s me.”
“What are you…” Geralt swallows, and he winces when he does. Jaskier thinks to get him some water, but that would mean letting go, and he simply can’t right now. “What are you doing here?”
Jaskier's thumbs freeze, no longer stroking against Geralt's skin.
"What?"
Geralt doesn't offer him a response, he just stares at Jaskier like he's failing to piece together a puzzle.
It's silent for too long as they look at one another, and Geralt doesn't look at him now the way he's been looking at Jaskier for the last two years. He looks... distant.
"Geralt." It's Triss, Jaskier knows without even looking. “What’s the last thing you remember?”
No.
Geralt frowns, brows scrunching together as he looks up at the ceiling.
He couldn't have—
"I remember..."
Please. Please. Please.
"Taking Ciri to the Temple of Melitele."
Jaskier’s heart plummets.
The mountain. That’s his last memory of Jaskier— his last memory with Jaskier.
Geralt doesn’t remember coming to find him and making amends.
Geralt doesn’t remember asking Jaskier to stay with him, Yennefer and Ciri at the keep.
Geralt doesn’t remember begging Jaskier to remain by their side on their journey back to Cintra.
Geralt doesn’t remember all the moments they shared throughout that time.
He doesn’t remember the touches that lingered longer than they should’ve, and the looks that said more than their mouths ever would, and the conversations that had far too many meanings to track, and the knowing glances from their loved ones. He doesn’t remember the will-they, won’t-they of it all.
He doesn’t remember the they will. The they did.
He doesn’t remember their first kiss that night in the rain— desperate yet tender and slow, unlike their racing heartbeats.
He doesn’t remember peeling each of those wet layers off of Jaskier in his tent that night, just so he could worship every inch of the bard— my bard, Geralt had said.
He doesn’t remember all of the moments that came after, either. He doesn’t remember the first time he said I love you, the first time Jaskier said it back. He doesn't remember all the nights they've spent wrapped in each other's arms or the mornings they spent kissing one another to full wakefulness. He doesn't remember the time they slow danced to no music in the woods, and the time he helped Jaskier bake Ciri blueberry tarts. He doesn't remember vowing that he'd never want anyone other than Jaskier after their first big fight as a pair— a fight that left Jaskier afraid and unsure about their future. He doesn't remember promising that he'd never leave Jaskier ever again.
Geralt doesn't remember any of it, any of what they had.
Geralt doesn't remember them.
"Yen?" Geralt says softly, and Jaskier looks into his eyes again, doesn't even know when he stopped, and he's no longer looking at Jaskier, he's looking elsewhere. Jaskier turns to see Yennefer standing in Geralt's line of sight, and she's looking right back at him, and Jaskier turns back to Geralt, and oh—
There's that look... that look that he hasn't seen in far too long, that same look he was beginning to believe he'd never have to see again.
That warmhearted look only reserved for Yennefer, the same one Geralt used to have on his face every time they were in a room together back when he was... in love with her.
"Oh," Jaskier says aloud, because of course. Of course, Geralt didn't just lose the memories of their relationship, he lost the memories of everything else, as well. He doesn't know that he and Yennefer are more co-parents and best friends now, more than anything.
There was that one unforgettable night between the three of them, mere months ago, after they'd drunk far too much ale, but they had vowed to never mention it again. Not because they regretted it, but because it would complicate things.
As it turns out, there was no use in avoiding the subject altogether because here they are now, in a complicated situation.
Because Geralt doesn't remember what he had with Jaskier, but he does remember what he had with Yennefer. He remembers loving her.
Jaskier's hands begin to tremble where they rest upon Geralt's cheek, and that's what gets Geralt to look at him again. He doesn't know why it happens, but Jaskier moves away at once as if he'd been shocked, as if Geralt's gaze threatens to burn him alive. Maybe it does. Jaskier surely feels like he's been set alight.
The bard stands up straight and glances off to the side. There are still tears in his eyes, but not for the same reason as they were before. "Very well, then," he says, and he despises the way he sounds.
He chances a glance around the room at last, and everyone is there. Everyone in the keep is in the room, and he doesn't know why he expected anything less. Of course, they'd all be here for Geralt, and of course, they'd all be there to witness the worst moment in Jaskier's life.
They're looking at him with... with pity in their eyes, and Jaskier despises that too. He wipes at his wet cheeks with the back of his palm, and clears his throat.
"I'll just... I'll just go, then."
"Jask," someone says, and it's Yennefer, and she's reaching out to touch him. Whatever look he gives the mage must not be the most pleasant, because she deflates immediately, and Jaskier's never seen such a thing from her.
He must be screaming I hate you in every language through his eyes alone.
He knows it's unfair, this isn't her fault, but he can't help the way he feels towards her at this moment. He can't.
He can't help any of the feelings coursing through him. It's too much, he needs space, and so he takes it. He leaves the room, and no one follows.
Good, he doesn't want them to.
Jaskier needs to be alone. He needs room to think, and he needs to stop crying, and he needs this feeling like he's being ripped apart from the inside to go away, and he needs— he needs Geralt.
He needs his wit— the witcher, given that he's no longer Jaskier's anymore, is he?
Maybe this is a sign that he was never meant to be Jaskier's at all.
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