#their happy ending. I feel compelled to say 'hey I know them living in the shack together and traveling in a boat every single year sounds-

[specialagentartemis]

hey Artemis can you say a little more about Best Sci-Fi Book Of 2020 The Vanished Birds because that sure is a compelling pitch 👀

Yeah!!

The Vanished Birds by Simon Jimenez is a book about Nia Imani, a spaceship pilot who travels at relativistic speeds through the "pocket" dimension across space; years pass on the outside during month-long travels on her ship. She's running from her past and in the process has left people and places and home behind, as time moves on outside without her as she makes her cargo runs across space.

During one of these, she accidentally discovers a teen boy, who fell from the sky out of nowhere, who doesn't talk and seems nervous about everything. She takes him on to bring him back to the galactic hub station... but is unwilling to leave him behind. She ends up adopting him into her crew-as-family.

It's also about Fumiko Nakajima, the brilliant engineer who designed the space stations for (a select subset of) humanity to leave a dying Earth. It's a thousand years since then, which Fumiko mostly spends in cryo-stasis, but she gets pulled out of it every time people discover something interesting that she wants to see herself. And this boy is interesting.

It's a beautiful, beautiful book, and the prose has such lyricism and character. It's also a tragedy. It is not a happy book. Fumiko is a tragic character, trying to recapture something she left behind on Earth and has regretted ever since; Nia's crew-as-family aren't perpetual, and her crew comes and goes on different runs, and when someone leaves that's pretty much it, they will age and Nia won't the next time they're in the same place, if ever. It's about the people who are important in our lives even if those relationships don't last forever. Sometimes you never see somebody again, and you have to keep living and forming new relationships anyway. It's about knowing that someone is more important to you than you are to them. It's about how time doesn't stand still when you're gone - other people move on without you. It's about everyone having their own life and interiority apart from yours, and it never feels trite about it. It's about trying to find a place in the universe you can belong, even as the universe keeps changing and you don't belong where you used to anymore. It's very much about found family, in the most bittersweet of ways. It's slow and meandering, and you have to be along for the ride.

It's REALLY good and I loved it. It hits for a very specific mood, though.

[guess-my-next-obsession]

When We Were Young

pairing: frankie morales x f!reader

rating: M (breakups, seeing your ex, a lil angsty with a happy ending, a douchey/aggressive male interaction, alcohol consumption, language)

wc: 2.5k

frankie masterlist

Time froze. As cliche as it sounded, it was also accurate. You sat there gawking like a deer caught in headlights, your blood rushing from your head to pour into the crater-sized hole in your heart in the shape of him. It was like seeing the ghost of a loved one, desperate for it to make contact and fearful of it all at once. To see him, the man you’d loved and lost five years ago, here in the flesh, laughing with a group of people you didn’t recognize, reminded you that whatever life you had shared with him in the past was just that—the past. But even still, you couldn’t help but hope there was a moment for the two of you here in the present, and perhaps if the fates were kind enough, in the future.

“Everything okay?” Your eyes wandered back to the man in front of you—your date, you had to remind yourself.

“Yeah,” you managed, nodding your head as if it helped make your lie believable. “Just saw someone I used to know.”

“Oh, why don’t you go say hi?” he asked, taking a sip of his beer.

If only it were that simple.

“I’d rather stay here,” you replied, lying again. Is that what you were forced to become? Nothing but a liar? A half-lover? Someone frozen in the past?

Across the bar he spots you, smiling at some dark haired man that looks too old for you, or perhaps that’s just his jealousy talking.

You look good, healthier than he last saw you. You’d gained some weight, filling out your sunken cheeks that remained seared in his memory from the night he left you. The night that haunted him, a dark cloud of regret and shame that rained the taste of your tears over him to remind him of the hurt he caused you.

You only ever asked him to love you, but like the immature child he was—the child he still feared lived deep within—he made you feel like you were asking for too much.

As he sat there watching you giggle, your fingers stirring the black straw in your glass—a gin and tonic like always, no doubt—he wondered if you spotted him as well. He figured it didn’t matter even if you did. He couldn’t imagine a universe in which you could forgive him for what he did—or for what he couldn’t do.

“Frankie!” A whine coming from the girl he’d been seeing casually the last few weeks pulled his eyes from watching you, his head turning in the direction of the woman who didn’t know him well enough to know what darkness lied within him. “I want another drink.”

“Okay,” he replied, awaiting an explanation for how this concerned him.

“Can you go get me one?” she snapped, drunken and slurred. Frankie exhaled softly and nodded, the bottle of beer in his hand empty and needing replacing anyways.

He stood to walk to the bar, his eyes finding you no matter how hard he tried to keep them occupied. As he passed your table, he overheard the man you were with talking about his job—finance, it seemed. Was that really the kind of man you were into these days? Back in the day the two of you would’ve made fun of a guy like him. What could you possibly have in common with such a…stiff? He supposed it didn’t matter—shouldn’t matter.

How could you listen to anything this man was saying when you could feel Frankie’s eyes on you, when you could smell him walking by? He still wore that same cologne, still donned that same red flannel you gifted him for Christmas. So much had stayed the same about him on the outside, it seemed. Could the same be said for the inside? Did you want it to?

“Hey, I’m gonna go use the restroom,” your date announced and you nodded, watching him as he walked off through the crowded pub.

You weren’t sure what compelled you to stand, but before you could talk yourself out of it, you were already standing beside your ex at the bar, his head turned in the opposite direction as he waited for the bartender to make his way to him.

“You look the same,” you spoke over the chatter and music filling the room, causing his head to whip over in your direction. He looked wide eyed, the color draining from his face. For a minute, you worried you’d offended him by simply speaking, but the soft curl of his lips quickly soothed that fear.

“You look…good,” he managed, his eyes frantic as they studied your face, seemingly taking in all the changes you cursed your body for making. “I, uh, I saw you, but…I don’t know. Didn’t want to interrupt your date.”

“Not much of a date,” you shrugged. “Not anymore at least.”

Frankie smiled more genuinely and it was as if you were thrown back in time, seeing that dimple come out for the first time. You longed to reach out for him, to touch him to make sure he was actually there, but refrained.

“You here with anyone?” you asked, unsure of what overcame you. You had no right to pry that way, but couldn’t help yourself. Had he moved on? Was it better that way? The sinking feeling in your gut as his eyes flickered over to the singular woman sitting at his table told you no, it wasn’t.

“It’s…casual,” he shrugged, pursing his lips. “Haven’t really been able to jump into anything after…after us.”

You swallowed the lump in your throat, batting away the childish tears born of jealousy. You felt the immature little girl you used to be clawing at the back of your throat begging to scream “he’s mine, he’s mine, don’t touch what’s mine!”. You lifted your drink to wash down the burn.

“Yeah, it’s been hard for me too,” you admitted, though the word “hard” felt like nothing more than a watered-down truth.

“God, sorry about that. The line was so long.” Your date appeared with a smile, his eyes flickering to the man beside you at the bar. “Hey.”

Frankie nodded at him but remained silent.

“Well,” your date exhaled as he turned back to you. “You wanna get out of here? Maybe go back to my place?”

Your eyes flickered to Frankie, watching his profile as he tried not to appear like he was eavesdropping on the conversation, but the clench of his jaw gave him away.

“I think I’m just gonna go home for the night,” you finally answered, turning to your date to give him an apologetic frown. He chuckled and looked towards Frankie, pointing his finger at him.

“You mean you’re going to go home with this fucker?”

Frankie’s body turned fully to your date, his brows laced as he looked down at the man at least five inches shorter than him.

“What was that?” Frankie asked, the dominance in his voice foreign and familiar at the same time.

“How’s it fair that I have to pair for all her fucking drinks and you’re the one who gets to take her home?” he replied, crossing his arms over his chest. “I got her drunk, so I get the reward.”

Frankie scoffed in disbelief and looked to you, the look of fear in your eyes igniting a protective streak in him that only seemed to light for you.

“Go home, man,” he ordered, turning back to your “date”.

“Fuck that—“ He made to grab at your arm but Frankie shoved him back before he could make contact.

“Go home.” Frankie ordered again, giving the man one last chance before he’d have to walk home with only one working eye. The man sized Frankie up for a beat before turning to you.

“You’re paying for your own fucking drinks then,” he said, as though it was a punishment. Truthfully, you were thankful not to “owe” this man—the word used loosely—anything. You watched him walk off down the bar to pay off his half of the tab, keeping your eyes glued to him to assure he didn’t come back and try something again. It seemed Frankie was doing the same.

“What a fucking prick,” he mumbled under his breath as the two of you watched him leave the bar. You turned back to Frankie and felt your lips part to speak, to apologize for your choice in man, but couldn’t manage a sound. “I’m sorry you had to deal with that,” he offered sincerely, his gentle brown eyes landing on yours. “You didn’t deserve any of his bullshit.”

“Yeah, well…when they tell you there’s tons of fish in the sea they don’t mention that those fish fucking suck.” Frankie laughed and nodded, that dimple coming out again. The bartender finally made his way over, looking at Frankie anticipatorily, but Frankie seemed hesitant. “Well, I’m gonna go pay my bill—“

“No, let me,” he intervened with his hand on your arm. “I’m honestly ready to leave, too.”

“You gonna order anything?” the bartender asked, annoyed by the delay. Frankie leaned over the bar and ordered a vodka-cranberry and then pointed over at the table his group was sitting at, the bartender nodding before walking off to prepare the drink.

“Alright, let’s go take care of the tab.” He turned back to you with a friendly but soft smile, his hand resting on your upper back as he guided you through the crowded room to the bartender set up by the till. Frankie paid for both of your bills as if it was nothing, as if anyone would have done the same thing. You couldn’t help but glance over at the girl he was with, comparing yourself to her. She was thinner, not by much but enough for you to realize it. Her hair was freshly styled, her nails polished and manicured. She seemed to be a newer and improved version of yourself, the image of someone untainted by heartbreak. Soon a pit of guilt formed in your stomach as you considered the fact that your interacting with Frankie tonight would be the first blow to her heart. Did she love him? Would that be enough to stop you?

“So…do you live at the same place you used to?” Frankie asked at the counter while he waited for change.

“I do,” you turned back to him and admitted.

“I could walk you home,” he offered with a shrug. “No funny business. I just…I guess I want a chance to talk.”

“What about your date?” you asked, a nervous chuckle slipping from your lips to cover your guilt.

“She’s with her friends, and truthfully…I think our friendship has run its course.” Perhaps in another reality you’d be strong enough to turn him down, but in this reality your heart still belonged to him. It would always belong to him.

With a nod, you accepted his offer and headed outside to wait for him as he grabbed his coat and bid his group goodbye.

You watched from the window as your replacement scolded him, her voice loud enough to cut over the music and through the glass separating the two of you. Frankie never did well with loudness, with screaming and fighting. You wondered what drew him to her in the first place.

When he finally made it outside, he let out a sigh and shook his head.

“Well,” he said, giving you a laugh. “That went well.”

“Yeah, I could see,” you pointed at the window. “I feel bad.”

“Don’t,” he commanded, shaking his head. “I’d leave anyone to have a chance at talking to you again.”

You tried not to melt at his words, tried not to put stock into them, but was it possible that five years could have changed him? Could have made him realize that you truly loved him, and that it was all you ever wanted to do?

“So,” he began as the two of you made your way through the downtown neighborhood towards your apartment complex about a mile away. “I guess I want to say sorry first and foremost.”

You turned your head to watch him, his eyes fixed forward while his hands twitched in his pocket.

“I…I was scared,” he confessed, his voice softer, more vulnerable as he glanced at you. “You loved me in a way that I’ve never been loved before, and that was scary. I never thought—I don’t know. Never thought I deserved it, so I turned myself into someone who didn’t. But, I really need you to know that I loved you, too. I just didn’t know what to do with it. Didn’t trust myself with it, I guess.”

“I did,” you replied, bumping your shoulder against his. “I trusted you with it. But I could see the fight going on inside, and I could see that I was losing. I didn’t know why I was losing. It seemed so simple to me—I love you and you love me so why can’t we just be together? Be more than these two friends who fuck?”

“Yeah—“ He swallowed, shaking his head. “I don’t know. I was…young and stupid. I wish that was a better excuse.”

At your doorstep, you turned to him with a twisted smile, unsure of what to do next. You’d talked through the wounds you left on each other as best as you could with a few drinks in your system, but what came next?

“So…” you started, swaying a bit as you looked up at him. Frankie’s smile turned boyish as he looked down at you, a chuckle escaping his lips as he tucked his hands into his pockets.

“Would, uh…” He bit his lip as he paused to reconsider his proposition. “Would you maybe want to grab breakfast tomorrow? There’s this new diner on 32nd street—“

“Oh my god, Brownies?”

“Yeah!” He laughed, your eyes locking as the two of you wondered how many times you must’ve missed each other in this small town. “I go there every Sunday with Caro.”

Oh, how you missed his baby girl. She was only three when you’d last seen her, making her eight years old now. How time flies.

“I go every Saturday,” you admitted with a chuckle. “Would I be throwing off your schedule by making you go two days in a row?”

“No,” he assured. “Any excuse for chocolate chip waffles, I’ll take.”

You laughed and nodded, looking down at your feet.

“Well, in that case, yes. I’d love to.”

“One more thing, and feel free to say no—“

“Can you kiss me?” you interrupted, watching as his smile grew into a grin.

“You beat me to it,” he laughed.

“Is that a yes?” you asked with a girlish and flirty smile. Frankie’s hand found your jaw, cradling it gently as he leaned in slowly, the anticipation burning in your belly. When his lips met yours, you swore you’d died and gone to heaven. It was as if nothing had ever changed between the two of you, that spark that only he could light inside of you quickly turning into a flame as you melted against him, clutching at his flannel. When he pulled away, you almost whined. Frankie smiled and rested his forehead against yours.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “For all this lost time.”

“We can make it up,” you assured with a smile of your own. “Starting tomorrow.”

“See you then, baby.”

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[superhoeva-archived]

okay okay i’m a big fan of everyone’s interpretations of carmen’s first time and i would love ur take on it

first times, you say? very long and nsfw (mainly at end) under the cut. enjoy, my loves <3 warning(s): smoker!reader, language, oral sex (m receiving), penetrative sex (p in v), vocal virgin!carmy

i really want to believe that carmen's first time happens somewhere that not chicago. let's go with nyc

"i didn't have any girlfriends." - let's go with this scenario for experimentation's sake ;)

he actually meets you his first night in nyc the elevator in his (and your) apartment complex. carmen can't contain the snicker that leaves his mouth when he sees the restaurant logo on your take-out bag

the chef reddens however when you catch the laugh and look over expectantly. "what is it?"

"oh nothin, it's uh, nothin. it's just that i'm a chef at the place your food's from..."

it doesn't click until you remember the bag in your hand

"seriously?" you ask with a small smile, and carmen feels his heart speed up just a little. "my friends treated me to dinner there tonight for my birthday."

"oh, wow," carmy raises his eyebrows and turns to look at you, "happy birthday. how old you turnin?"

"thank you. just turned 21," you smile prettily carmen can't help but think to himself

damn, she's pretty. good taste, too.

before either of you can say anything else the elevator doors open. carmen curses them for not letting him spend a little more time with you

carmen almost chokes on his spit when you turn to look at him because

good god you really are beautiful

"it was nice meeting you..." you pauses and await for a name, which the chef almost forgets to give you

"carmen. most people call me carmy, tho."

you grin again, both at the name and the growing redness of his face. "carmy. it's nice to meet you."

and then you tell him your name and hold out your hand, which carmen--carmy--hold for longer than he means to

"yeah, you too," he rasps out with that look in his eye. (you know, the one that where he zones out and the only other person in the world is whoever he's looking at.) "maybe i'll see you around sometime?"

the assuring nod and flirty grin you leave carmy with as you step off onto your floor gives him enough courage to send you a quick wink

it's the last thing you see before the elevator doors close and it's the only thing you can think of for the rest of the night

once he's out of your view, carmen collapses against the wall with a tiny grin and shocked laugh

the next time you and carmen see one another is in the elevator. again.

carmen greets you with a smile and a shy, "hey, birthday girl. how ya doing?"

a laugh leaves you at the nickname as you steps on the elevator. "i'm doing okay, carmen. you?"

"i'm uh..." carmen thinks on his answer for a second. better now that i'm seein you again. "alright. just heading down to burn one. i don't like how it makes my uh, m apartment smell, but i-i don't think i could live without cigarettes."

if you think of his statement concerning, you don't say anything about it. thank god

"you got any big plans tonight?" carmen asks, wanting to change the subject as quickly as possible.

"uh, nope," you tell him with a laugh, "i was actually just on my way to smoke one too."

you know it's a nasty habit, but hey

carmen perks up immediately, turning to really look at you. before he can stop himself from asking, "feel like smokin one together?"

next thing you know, you and carmy stand on the side of your apartment building. a cigarette is passed back and forth between the two of you, and your fingers brush together with carmen's every time

every second that passes has the two of you leaning closer and closer. so close that you can feel the smoke that blows out of carmen's mouth

and he doesn't know what compels him to lean over close enough to kiss you

but when you don't attempt to move away, carmen deems the action as okay

carmen also doesn't know what compels him to ask if you wanna come up to his room

but when you answer "yes," carmen deems the action as very okay

you end up making out with carmy on the poor excuse of a couch that's in his living room after neither of you is able to contain the yearning attraction any longer

his hands rub along your body lightning fast not knowing where to land. his tongue is eager as it slips in and out of your mouth, teeth crashing into yours as well

"carmy," you mumble into his mouth, but he doesn't hear you over the blood rushing in his ears

"carmen," you try again, reluctantly pulling away from him. his blue eyes fill with panic, but you try to curb his nerves with warm hands on his cheeks "no, no, it's okay. just... slow down, yeah? we don't have to rush."

a huff leaves carmen as he melts into the cushions behind him and runs a hand through his hair. "i'm sorry, i know. it's just... i-i don't really do this a lot. you know, this."

a small smile crosses your face as you understand what he means. you tilt his head up to make sure he sees you when you tell him, "it's alright, carmy. we don't have to go any further if you don't want--"

"yes," he interrupts you. "sorry, no, i wanna keep going. but you uh, you should probably take the lead."

so that's what you do. you take the lead...

"holy shit," carmen groans out louder than he means to, but you're tongue swirling around his head just feels too fucking good. "oh, fuck that feels good."

you hold down his quivering thighs when they threaten to raise up again and sink your mouth deeper.

carmen's mouth drops open into a silent scream when his nose tickles the small patch of hair under his belly button.

"god, you look so pretty gaggin on me like that," carmen rasps out, and you have to stop yourself from grinding on your own hand. "love it when you take me to the back'a your throat. making a fuckin mess and you don't even care."

'holy fuck' you think, 'for someone who doesn't do this often, he's got the best dirty talk you've ever heard.'

he's even louder when you ride him

carmy barely contains himself at the feeling of your wetness squeezing around him

and god he's trying to keep his hands on your ass when you placed them earlier but the sight of your tits in his face is making it so insanely hard

"doing so good for me, carmy," you groan out in into the heated air, causing a long whine to leave the man beneath you. "filling me up so good, baby."

carmen watches you with stars in his pretty blue eyes as you slide up and down, the veins of his thick member hitting and dragging blissfully against your weeping walls.

"ohmygod, carmen," you whimper out when the head of his dick brushes impossibly deeper.

"so fuckin warm and tight, please don't stop," carmen breathes out, squeezing the warm flesh of your ass. "want you to come around me. wanna feel you come around me so bad, please."

he almost passes out when you do come around him, and he's following soon after

his entire body is floating as he pumps his cum into the condom, loud and croaking whines pouring out of his mouth as he does so

"fuck," he huffs out when you fall beside him, his legs still shaking from his high. "you're fuckin amazing, birthday girl."

(i will definitely expand on new york carmy and birthday girl reader, so be prepared!)

[dajaregambler]

indefinite hiatus

Howdy doody.

This may seem as a sudden notice, but it is not to me. It is a matter that I have thought about many times, over and over again. On the other hand, I have also tried to ignore it in the hopes of it going away. Obviously, that did not work out.

Back during my trip to Japan, I had rekindled my love for the Japanese language and it is still strong as ever. In fact I have decided to pursue it academically so that I can continue to work with it, ideally in localisation. After the struggle I had with school that felt like it lasted an eternity, I was quite proud of myself to pick up from where my attempt at university in 2018 to 2020 left me off. 

But that’s not what I’m here to talk about. It is actually a similar sort of situation I found myself in earlier this year.

What I’m doing right now… is it fun?

Helios Rising Heroes was a pick me up in 2020. I had lost my drive for Japanese after giving up on academics, and seeing how Keith and Brad interacted made me curious about their story. I went further in the world of HeliosR, and before I knew it I was enamored with it. So much so that I felt compelled to share this love, to let people know the charms of these characters. I started out with translating content of my favorite character, then to the whole sector, eventually other characters and so on. It was a challenge, and that challenge helped me grow in many ways.

However somewhere down this road, I kept battling this one question: who am I doing this for? I thought for myself, but it wasn’t. It became a responsibility to fill in the gaps. I did not care about North at all, yet seeing that one Halloween event stay untranslated the entire time bothered me, so I picked it up myself and hey, it worked out. North Sector is one of my fave sectors now, but that’s what became an issue. I started picking up too much to do, for the sole sake of it being translated. I didn’t limit myself because moderation is a word that didn’t exist to me back then. Even now it sort of doesn’t, but I like to think I’ve gotten better at it.

Another issue is that I love Helios, I really, really do. It means a lot to me, but translating it is actively ruining it for me at the same time. I feel the need to step away and enjoy it without feeling responsible, but I also feel guilty for thinking so. I have stuff I started and need to finish. And that’s where I found myself stuck at a stalemate, almost to the point of ignoring Helios and I don’t want that. I had fun earlier this year translating the new West sector event, and all of chapter two of SITD, but it was short lived. I went right back to that stalemate that had been haunting me.

The combination of biting off more than what I can chew, with halfhearted feelings behind it, is what leaves me dull. There is no “fun” to be had. 

I will say what I said earlier this year, about a different project I translated at the time: 

“Is it that serious? That I’m dropping a series that I have translated? No, probably not. Happens all the time, I’m sure there are others waiting in line to continue what I was doing, or maybe not. Who knows.

But to me, it is, and that’s why I wanted to convey it in a long hefty post.

As closure, I will share some words of one of my favourite manga. Something I live by, and will for as long as possible.

“The world is filled to the brim with nice things… and all of them are carrying someone’s intentions and feelings.

When those feelings get across and manage to make someone happy… I gain little pieces of confidence,

that I’ll gather together and carry with me as I move on.”

And I believe something like that, is only achievable when you do something that is fun, to you.”

This isn’t the end, it never is. However for me to move on, to find joy again, I have to say it like this. Perhaps one could say I am a fan of theatrics in this regard. 

For now, and the unforeseen future, I simply want to step back from translating Helios Rising Heroes. Focus on truly mastering Japanese (my conversational skills are as abhorrent as they could be) and perhaps even study abroad. Not only that, but find fun in Helios again, by simply enjoying it without feeling a responsibility nagging at me every single waking moment I think about this series. It’s a bit of a shame to leave things here when I haven’t finished chapter 3 of SITD, but I think this is the best choice for me, going forward.

Once again, thank you for reading this post and my translations. Thank you for being able to find enjoyment in Helios Rising Heroes through my translations. This blog will stay up as an archive and will not be going anywhere.

As I said, it is not the end of the road for me. I will perhaps be around on another ventures regarding translations, and we might cross paths once more. And hopefully said ventures do not include a repetition of past mistakes. I am positive it won't though.

One day, I may or may not come back to this either, but for now it is atleast a farewell. 

またね！

p.s (Imagine I said "farewell" with a wink, two sparkles, and rose being thrown in the air as I made my dramatic exit into the horizon while the amber sun sets.)

[asirensrage]

The Fall - Sano "Mikey" Manjiro x OC

Title: The Fall Rating: Mature Fandom: Tokyo Revengers Pairing: Sano "Mikey" Manjiro x Undescribed!OC Warnings: Dark!Fic. Suicide ideation and assumed attempted suicide. Obsession. Swearing. Mention of illegal activities and threats. Unbeta’d. Word count: ~2k Summary: She was drowning before she even realized he had dragged her into waters she couldn’t survive in on her own. Based on the prompt: “Step away from the window. Come back to sleep. Don't make me have to come get you.”

Notes: This went in a whole surprising direction, even for me. I kind of love how it turned out though. I just find this timeline and the characters compelling. I know this is a heavy topic for some people. Help is always available if you're experiencing thoughts of suicide. Reach out.

Heed the warnings!

The room is dark except for the city lights that shine from the window. It’s not enough to keep either of them awake. The blanket is pulled up to under her chin as her head rests on his chest. One of his arms is around her, holding her as she curled up against him. His lips press into her hair and she closes her eyes, letting herself relax in his grip. His heartbeat sounds in her ear, lulling her into sleep. 

---

She’s not sure where she is or how she ended up here, but it doesn’t matter. Not when someone’s standing on the edge, staring out at the people below. Her heart feels like it stops in her chest. She can’t let him jump. She can’t. She’s not the person to turn away from something like this.  

“Hey!” She calls out, moving forward. He turns slowly, not leaning forward but not stepping down either. “Don’t do it, okay?” 

His stare is blank, half hidden behind blond hair he’s letting fall in his face. He tilts his head slightly to the side as he finally looks at her. “Do what?”

“Look, I know things might seem bad right now but this isn’t the right choice. Things can change!” 

He looks back out at the city. “Nothing changes.”

“It does!” she insists. “I promise it does!” She doesn’t know why she’s so frantic, so determined to help him, but she is. She can’t let him do this. Not when she’s here. “I don’t know what’s happened in your life, what you’ve gone through, but nothing is bad enough to end it all because of how you feel in this moment. It will pass. I have no doubt that people will miss you! That there’s at least someone in your life who cares!”

He looks back at her. “No one would miss me. Not really.” He tilts his head to the sky. “My men would say they would but they’d be fine.”

“I don’t believe that,” she says, trying to be as earnest as possible. “What about your friends?”

“Don’t have any. I pushed them away. It’s safer like that. They deserve better and everyone–” He turns back to face the city, taking his hands out of his pockets. Fear shoots through her that he’s going to lean forward and it’ll be over. “No one’s gonna miss me.”

“I would!” She reaches for him, grabbing the back of his shirt, ready to pull him back if she has to. She’s not letting this happen. “I’ll miss you and if you take that step, we’re never going to get the chance to be friends. Don’t do it!” She says it quickly and feels a seismic shift within her, a heavy weight that she can’t explain. 

When he looks at her this time, it’s like he finally sees her. His eyes widen slightly but he shakes his head. “You don’t want to be my friend,” he says softly, looking away again. “Everyone around me dies.”

“So what?” His gaze snaps back to hers as soon as she says it. “Everyone dies. It doesn’t mean we should take their deaths for granted or let ourselves die with them. We have to live our lives to the best that we can, to take care of each other and find whatever can make us happy. Death doesn’t mean that life shouldn’t be worth living.” 

His mouth falls open slightly but she nods to herself, feeling like she’s starting to actually get through to him. If he’s grieving, he can heal from that. “Please. Come down. Talk to me.” She tightens her grip on his shirt. “Please.”

“Why do you care?” he finally asks.

“Because I do,” she says, unable to put it into words. She couldn’t live with herself if she never tried. “Okay,” he says and steps closer to her. She lets go only when he’s away from the edge of the roof.  

She doesn’t know how much time passes, but the sun is starting to rise and Mikey is staring at her like he’s never seen anything like her before. He’s sweet, even if he’s a little lost, and she can’t help but appreciate the way he listens to her, the way he teases her gently as they sit on this roof. 

When he calls her name, he’s no longer beside her. He’s standing back on that edge, silhouetted by the sunrise. He reaches for her and she runs to stop him, to grab his hand and keep him there with her. Her heartbeat races as he smiles at her. 

“Don’t you wish you pushed me?” 

He yanks her towards him, falling back off of the roof and dragging her with him. She tries to scream as she falls, but she doesn’t hit the ground. Mikey’s hands are on her, weighing her down as the world turns black around them. It tightens around her, leaving her clawing at the pressure to escape, to breathe, before she drowns–

---

She wakes up fast. Heart pounding, gasping for air that she can suddenly breathe. She sits up, looking around the dark of the room as reality slowly hits. It was a dream. Just a dream. But she almost feels like she’s still falling. It felt real. Too fucking real. 

She glances quickly at the man still sleeping next to her. A miracle, really, considering how little he sleeps. She eases herself out of his embrace, turning to press her feet against the cold floor. It was a memory. That’s all, but she needs to feel grounded. She doesn’t dare leave the room, but she takes the chance to get out of the bed. Arms wrapped around herself, trying to stop the way she’s shaking, she moves for the large window that’s the only source of light she can get without waking him. 

The city skyline is bright against the dark sky. 

It looks vibrant in contrast. Lively. Full of hopes and dreams and promises you know will never be kept. The lights of the city just highlight how dark the shadows are and how many there are. Everyone always focuses on the lights but it’s in the darkness that you know the truth of the city really comes out. There are those that thrive in the dark, those that wander in without warning and the unlucky souls who are thrown in. The city hides them all. She’s just not sure who to pity more. 

She hears movement behind her and she forces herself to relax. It’s no surprise he’s waking up. He never seems to sleep long, not if she’s not there. 

“What are you doing?” he asks, still sounding half asleep. It’s rare he lets himself show this sort of vulnerability. He only does it now with her and only when they’re alone. It should be an honour. It should be more than a noose around her neck. 

“I had a weird dream. Didn’t want to fall back asleep and I didn’t want to wake you.” She turns to look at him and offers a small smile. “You need your sleep.” 

His hair is tousled and his dark eyes are half open, still processing the situation. It reminds her of when he was younger. When he used to lay with his head in her lap in the sun and she’d run her fingers through his hair, listening as he talked. She can tell when he fully starts to wake up because his stare deadens and he sits up properly. 

“Come back to bed,” he demands. 

“I’m not tired,” she says softly, knowing that isn’t what he wants to hear. She hears him shift in bed, his back hitting the headboard as he sits up fully. She closes her eyes for a moment, wishing he had just kept sleeping so she could have this moment. 

“What did you dream about?”  

“When we first met, only it wasn’t…it wasn’t right.” She doesn’t say more than that. 

“The day you saved me.”

Her eyes clench shut. “I didn’t save you,” she says. “You were never going to jump. I just made an assumption and you let me talk and talk and talk until the sun came up.”

She had left once they parted ways, when he promised to take care of himself, to talk to his friends and she assumed that it was over. She had done her part, she had tried and she was never going to see him again. 

Except that she did. 

She greeted him with joy at the fact that he was still alive, unquestioning how he ended up at her work. He seemed surprised but pleased and before she knew it, she was introduced to his men. She was drowning before she even realized he had dragged her into waters she couldn’t survive in on her own. 

Mikey had made her fall in love with him before revealing the complete truth about himself. It was too late after that. Not only did he cling tightly, ensuring that she knew that she was the one who brought meaning back into his life, but his men liked him when she was with him. She was good for him. They didn’t care that he wasn’t good for her. 

“Come back to bed,” he tells her again. 

She doesn’t move. The distance between them seems like a gaping chasm that she stands on the precipice of. Like the dream that she woke from, except that this is a nightmare she can’t escape. She loves him, she probably always will, but she’s afraid of him too. She knows exactly what he commands. She can’t bring herself to crawl back in next to him, to feel the way he curls himself around her, as though his hands aren’t stained in blood. She turns back to the window. How many people down there are under his control? How many are mourning lovers, family, or friends because of the man behind her and his men? How much blood is on her hands, unable to stop him and unwilling to try?

She wonders if falling from this height would feel like flying. A last moment of freedom instead of fear, a choice of her own making, that would release her from this. A suitable punishment for what she’s never tried to stop. 

It’s funny. She used to be the one to talk someone off of the edge and now she’s lost that part of her. She’s always been too smart for her own good, even if she was a bit naive, and she knows that if she had protested any of the choices Mikey has made, it wouldn’t have made a difference. Not with the men around him. 

“Step away from the window.” He’s no longer willing to tolerate her disobedience. “Come back to sleep. Don’t make me come to get you.” 

She moves automatically at his tone. She swallows tightly as she crawls back into the bed. Mikey waits until she’s in before he moves closer, resting his head on her shoulder and throwing an arm over her waist. She lifts one hand and runs her fingers through his hair, nails scratching gently on his scalp. His irritation fades as he holds her tighter. She feels the way he breathes her in, how he relaxes against her. 

“You’re not leaving me.” His voice is quiet but there’s no room for argument. 

“I never said I was,” she replies just as softly. She was just thinking about it.

“You can’t. I refuse to let anyone have you. Even death. You’re mine.” 

She hums softly. “We all die eventually, Mikey. But don’t worry, I’ll let you go first.”

He laughs at that like she’s teasing him. “I’m not going anywhere without you. You promised forever, remember?” There’s a threat there. He would kill her before he killed himself, and if she somehow survived, she knows his men would never forgive her. Sanzu would ensure she followed Mikey whether she liked it or not. 

“Yeah,” she looks up at the ceiling. “I remember.” 

She just wishes she didn’t. 

taglist: @raith-way @chickensarentcheap @residentdormouse @themaradwrites @kingsmakers @far-shores

[alpinefrsh]

Hi, hey, hi, hi, Hello! I’m back! I have my question list! Hello!

What’s Tommy’s opinion on swimming, especially now that he’s a furry raccoon?

Are Tommy’s scars still there but just covered by fur?

Did Tommy’s addiction just… go away or something? With the invisibility potions?

Can Tommy do that heart thing where he makes his lives visible in some way? (I don’t know how to explain it)

Are Dream and Drista siblings?

Can your Tommy sew!? <33333

Will we be getting another turtle pov? (If so, I would be incredibly interested in Raph’s pov, seeing as Tommy was afraid of him for so long, or even Donnie’s again)

What is your favorite color? no reason for asking just curious :D

Thanks for listening to my silly thoughts! Hope you’ve had a good day! <3

Well, he hasn't tried yet, but I'm sure he'd find the added weight of having his fur drenched annoying until he realizes that he can make it everyone elses problem as well by shaking off like a wet dog in their general vicinity lmao

2. Yep! He'd be able to find them if he actually looked for it, fur doesn't really regrow over scars, but he's got more than enough of it to make it impossible to notice.

3. Okay, admittedly, part of it was me forgetting because I am one person without a beta reader to catch my slip ups- but another part of it was that in the lore streams, Tommy seemed to be able to stop taking them, and while he was jittery and nervous for a little bit, he seemed fine not long after? So now my reasoning is that it was like, placebo if that makes sense? He was paranoid that being visible would result in pain or death, so his body ended up reacting accordingly and messing with him because he was so convinced shit was gonna go bad if he wasn't drinking invis pots.

So basically the whole thing was tied to his mental health. Once he felt secure enough in the fact that the turtles weren't going to hurt him (or at least that Mikey and Leo wouldn't and would therefore stop the others if they tried anything) he stopped feeling as compelled to drink invis all the time.

4. I do get what you mean, and nope, that does not happen to be a feature here. Would've had to establish that way earlier on if I was going to do that.

5. Nope. XD and Drista are siblings, Dream is just some cringe loser calling himself a god.

6. Yess :DDD

7. Ahahahahaha, lemme tell ya, the next one is going to be majority one of the turtles pov (won't say which one because of spoilers)

8. Hmmm... Purple and green I suppose? Which is kind of funny considering the fandom I'm in and who my favourite turtle is, but I promise it's been those since before I got here lmao

Of course! Thank you for sharing your silly thoughts, I was happy to answer your questions! You too! <3

[doumadono]

I've read in one of the replies to precious asks that you're a doctor. How would you describe the experience of being a doctor, what type of doctor are you, and what aspects of the profession do you find particularly engaging or compelling?!

Hey, Nonnie :) Well, you've hit on a topic that I could talk about for hours on end, because I'm so passionate about my work. So if you're ready for a bit of a rant, I'm more than happy to oblige!

Being a doctor can be a rewarding and challenging experience. We play a crucial role in the healthcare system, working to diagnose and treat illnesses and injuries, and improve the overall health and well-being of our patients.

Those who know me personally are aware that I'm a certified neurosurgeon, but I haven't limited myself to just one specialization - I'm currently working towards completing my second specialization, which is clinical neuropsychiatry ❤️ 👩‍⚕️

PROS:

Ability to help people: One of the most fulfilling aspects of being a doctor is the ability to make a difference in people's lives by helping them overcome illnesses and injuries

People and their stories: Another great aspect of being a doctor is the opportunity to work closely with people and to learn about their unique stories and experiences. As a doctor, you become intimately involved in the lives of your patients, and you have the privilege of helping them through some of the most challenging and difficult times of their lives. You get to witness firsthand the resilience and strength of the human spirit, and you have the opportunity to make a real difference in the lives of others. There is truly no greater feeling than helping a patient overcome a serious illness or injury, and seeing the joy and relief on their face as they recover ❤️

Dealing with critical situations: Another imprtant aspect of being a doctor is the training you receive to handle extreme situations. I have seen and dealt with a lot of drastic things in my career and life overall, and I can confidently say that nothing really scares me anymore. It's a unique skill set that you develop as a doctor, being able to remain calm and focused in high-stress situations (it helped me oh so many times!)

Job security: The demand for doctors will always exist, which means there will always be job opportunities for qualified professionals

Opportunities for lifelong learning: As a doctor, you never stop learning. New treatments, technologies, and procedures are constantly being developed, and we must stay up-to-date on the latest advances in our field. This can be intellectually stimulating and rewarding!

Varied career paths: There are numerous specializations within medicine, which allows doctors to pursue a career path that aligns with their interests and strengths

Respect and prestige: Doctors are often held in high regard by society, which can provide a sense of respect and prestige

Collaborative work environment: Neurosurgeons work closely with other healthcare professionals, such as neurologists, radiologists, and nurses, to provide the best possible care to their patients. This collaborative environment can be both challenging and fulfilling

Deathbed phenomena: As a neurosurgeon, I am frequently confronted with the reality of death. Many of my patients come to me in critical condition, and while I always do my best to save their lives, sometimes the outcome is not what we hoped for. Working with dying patients has given me the opportunity to explore the intricacies of the human body and mind during the dying process. It might sound morbid to some, but understanding the physiological and psychological changes that occur in a person's brain as they near death is a fascinating area of study. It's not just the physical processes that interest me, but also the psychological and spiritual aspects of death. I'm currently working with my team to gain a better understanding of what happens in the brain as a person approaches death, and how we can use this information to provide better care for our patients and their families

CONS

Long working hours: (OMG, how much I hate the night shifts!) We often work long and irregular hours, including nights, weekends, and holidays. This can make it difficult to maintain a healthy work-life balance and can lead to burnout, and it becomes even more challenging when you have young children at home

High stress: The job of a doctor can be incredibly stressful. We are responsible for the health and well-being of our patients and may have to make life-or-death decisions on a regular basis

Emotional toll: We are often exposed to the suffering of our patients and their families. This can be emotionally draining and can lead to compassion fatigue. As a doctor, it feels like a personal failure when I am unable to save someone's life. I often experience intense remorse and replay the entire situation in my head, on and on. I constantly question whether there was something more I could have done? Maybe I could have applied a different medication, or ordered another blood test? The what-ifs can be exhausting, but they drive me to constantly learn and improve so that I can provide the best possible care for those in need

High expectations: Doctors are held to a high standard of performance and are expected to be knowledgeable, skilled, and compassionate. This can be a lot of pressure to live up to 🤷‍♀️

High cost of education: Becoming a doctor requires a significant investment of time and money. Medical school and residency programs can be very expensive (I would like to express my gratitude to my beloved grandmother here, who sadly passed away last year. Her unwavering support (also the financial one), encouragement, and unwavering faith in me have played a significant role in getting me to where I am today. Despite doubts and skepticism from others, including my own parents, she never wavered in her belief in me. She often told me, "If you ever think about giving up on your dreams, just remember that I'll be watching you from the other side, so make sure to think twice before making any rash decisions - or I'll come back and haunt you until you change your mind." Thank you, Nanna ❤️❤️❤️)

So, that's the end of my long rant. For those who made it through to the end, I want to say thank you for reading!

[ilgaksu]

I know they’re not really in all the shows (😢) but are there aspects of different adaptations’ versions of heihua that you draw on for particular personality traits (or I suppose if you want are there adaptations that you feel mischaracterized them)?

OH BOY WHAT A GOOD QUESTION I'M SO HAPPY

I've mentioned this in private conversation with people but I've realised recently that not everyone is aware that when I'm writing my heihua, it's deliberately a mash-up between Liu Yuhan's Xiao Hua (Ultimate Note) and Ji Chen's Hei Xiazi (SH, award-winning heihua movie, etc) and I did this for multiple reasons!!

so, the ~ilgaksu heihua extended cinematic universe~ or whatever we're calling it is actually very deliberately taking place in a very limited time-frame. It starts directly post-UN, when Xiao Hua is around 24/25, and ends when he's about 31. Literally every fic, bar On Anatomy, is designed to take place in that time-frame. It's basically me writing the early years of a marriage, as well as a bildungsroman from Xiao Hua's POV. The idea is that if you read the fics and try and flip the POV that they're in, they're actually telling very different love stories.

Xiao Hua's version of their relationship is the experience of a big first queer love and reckoning with how that contextualises a lot of his life he's been trying to emotionally suppress rather than reckon with (childhood, grief, gender, family; the emotional damage of growing up the only trans kid he ever knew and therefore a permanent anomaly under pressure to perform a role to survive in the family in his actual gender). It's about someone who effectively is recovering from emotional hypothermia. So, for me, it had to be Liu Yuhan because his Xiao Hua is so painfully young and so clearly grappling still with what it means to be Xie Yuchen, and we see a framework for how Xiao Hua behaves around people he loves which we don't see as much of in other adaptations (because SH really robbed Lay in giving him very limited interactions with characters he really cares for and focuses on how he operates solo. I think it's robbed because I think Lay's performance is deeply underrated).

Hei Xiazi's version of their relationship is basically the terror of having been on this ride before, and the rollercoaster of it broke your legs, and you're still choosing to try and get back on it again. It's basically this song. And Ji Chen's Hei Xiazi is just so much emotionally heavier. I feel flippant to say he's giving off divorced single dad energy who eats alone far too often in SH, but honestly he's giving that off nonstop. There's a real exhaustion and self-awareness and irony in his performance, and both a mixture of the potential for violence and the choice to withhold it. I think a lot about how he behaves around Liang Wan and Su Wan when they jump off the cliff together, and how telling it is that in a situation where he feels he's walking them to their deaths, he takes their hands.

Simultaneously, both of them are living through the reality of being loved as a person, when I would argue both of them have been depersonalised and unpersoned through their lives, and are viewed in terms of what they symbolise to people, or what they can supply. The cost of being a person in a world that doesn't want people like you to even be alive is really something I want to explore with them, and so it matters to me that visually you have Xie Yuchen as someone very young, who doesn't understand how not to fight for it and that he can stop fighting sometimes, and Hei Xiazi who has given up fighting for it and is being forcibly compelled back into it.

Also - I think when the age difference is so visibly codified by having a 20something visual against a 40something one it matters in terms of how they address it - it's always permanently in the room without any ability to not see it. I've been told it also emphasises the care and tenderness my Hei Xiazi is showing to Xiao Hua - it's not just someone loving someone younger, but an older queer man whose experiences of it are different reaching across literal generations.

I pull on other aspects too - some bits from the novels, some of the way UN structures HeiHua's dialogue (although I tend to work off analysis of linguistic features of LYH's and Ji Chen's and splice them against each other) and knowing that, in my head, Ji Xiaobing is the reality of my Xie Yuchen at 40, and figuring out how he'll get there. I think that arguments of mischaracterisation come down to what aspects of the character are being explored - I think we see in some series Xie Yuchen as opposed to Xiao Hua for example and I can rant about that some if people want, but this ask is REALLY LONG ALREADY.

[hassedah]

Hey! Thanks, I just wanted to make sure you do headcanons like that before I ask something. Could you do everyone(minus Ivan) react to Ivan coming out as Trans (female to male) to them?

Ivan coming out as Trans FtM :

Hi! How are you? I hope you are well!  ^^

Here is the headcanon you asked for. I had a little trouble figuring out how to write Ethan as he argues a lot with Ivan while still appreciating him behind his grumpy exterior.  I hope you enjoy the headcanons. ^^

Have a nice day and take care of yourself. ^^

Vladimir :

He is not the first person Ivan has talked to about it, probably because of his age and his habit of living like in the 19th century. Ivan was mainly afraid that Vladimir would reject him or feel disgusted, so he didn't say anything for a while and it was Beliath who assured him that Vladimir would not react badly to his coming-out

When Ivan brings up the subject after a few days, Vladimir listens carefully because it seems very important to him and that he wants the youngest member of his manor to feel comfortable in his home. To Ivan's surprise, Vladimir did not have a negative reaction as he had feared. He did, however, ask him a lot of questions to try to understand him better.

Vladimir will do everything he can to make Ivan happy. He never gets his pronouns and first name wrong and he makes sure this to be the case for everyone in the manor. He does not hesitate to correct them when he is wrong, even if Ivan is not in the room to hear it. It's important to Ivan so it becomes important to him too.

Vladimir doesn't really know how to react if Ivan feels dysphoric. So he will ask him if there is anything he can do for him in those moments.

Whatever problems Ivan has, Vladimir is ready to help him find a solution. If there are errands to be done, he will send Aaron or Beliath. If he needs binder, he will help him find good quality binder and no matter how much money he has to spend on it, he cannot allow Ivan to damage his skin with poor quality binder. Being a young vampire is complicated enough as it is, and he doesn't want to make it harder for her by not giving her his full support.

If Ivan wants to start a medical transition, Vladimir will also support him. He is quite suspicious of outsiders, so he doesn't really trust the doctor. So he will not be able to accompany him if Ivan wants an operation, but he will make sure that someone stays with him in the hospital if Ivan wants to.

In the end, for Ivan, Vladimir will be a kind of parent, not completely up to date but totally ready to defend his little one in case of problem.

Béliath :

He is the first person Ivan talks to about it and Beliath is also the first to support him. Beliath is even one of his most active supporters, along with Vladimir. He is the one who understands best what Ivan is talking about and therefore goes out of his way to re-explain it to the others. For Ivan it was a real relief, especially at the beginning when only the incubus knew about it. He also gave him a lot of reassurance about the reaction of the other members of the manor, which made him feel confident enough to coming out to the others.

Moreover, Beliath understands rather quickly where Ivan's fears come from at the idea of talking about it to the others, after all Raphael and Vladimir seem to be stuck in their respective times, Aaron is very gruff and often talks before thinking and Ethan does not get along at all with the youngest. He even offers to talk to Ethan himself if Ivan prefers not to discuss it with him or at least to stay with him when he does if he wants to do it himself.

Like Vladimir, he does not make mistakes with pronouns and first name. He wants Ivan to feel comfortable with them. For although Beliath is confident, his gender expression has often earned him insults and dirty looks, at some times even more than at others, and the idea that Ivan might feel compelled to hide in his own home saddens him. He is therefore particularly careful that others do not say anything hurtful about him.

He suggests that Ivan goes shopping with him. These are outings that are actually quite fun, mainly because of Beliath's bad taste in clothes. They have almost never managed to agree on what is a nice piece of clothing. Beliath thinks that Ivan's entire generation knows nothing about real fashion, but Ivan told him that his clothes all look like pyjamas. In the end, they came home with several bags of clothes and spent more than double what they were normally allowed. They were expecting to be yelled at by Vladimir, but the aristocrat just rolled his eyes and sighed before letting them show off their new clothes to everyone.

For Ivan, Beliath remains a trusted confidant and it is often he who is the first to know about the problems the youngest may encounter and who will reassure him, often much better than Vladimir or Aaron.

Aaron :

Ivan didn't dare to talk to him about it first. Aaron is very old after all and... sometimes quite brutal in his words and Ivan didn't want to feel hurt by Aaron, especially when he likes him so much. It was after all Aaron who turned him, and he was also the one who helped him the most in his new condition as a vampire. Feeling rejected by Aaron would probably be worse than feeling rejected by anyone else in the manor.

Eventually, Ivan tells Aaron about it at about the same time as he tells Vladimir. Ivan is not the first trans person Aaron has met in his long life, whether it be among the werewolf packs he has met or among the vampires. So he pretty much sees what Ivan is talking about even if he still has a bit of trouble understanding everything the younger man says. He reassures Ivan, however, that this will not change his relationship with him and that he will still help him adjust to his new life as a vampire.

He often gets his first name and pronoun wrong at the beginning. This is not to hurt Ivan, and more to do with the fact that he always talks a bit before he thinks, Vladimir has to correct him several times before he gets into the habit of gendering Ivan correctly. Once he gets into the habit, he doesn't get it wrong at all.

As it was Aaron who made the plates on the doors with their names on them, he quickly made one for Ivan so that the younger one would not have to face his deadname every day when he went to his room.

If Ivan is taking hormones, Aaron will help him choose a good razor for his beard and also give him advice on how to trim it. Aaron has gone through several styles of beards and moustaches in his life and he is quite reassured that there are no photos of any of the dubious styles he has worn, and he advises him against Sideburns, now that he thinks about it he still doesn't know why he started wearing his beard that way, it didn't suit him at all

Aaron is ultimately a good support for Ivan, even if it is not to him that the youngest will turn for reassuring words. He knows that the wolf will not hesitate to accompany him in all the steps he wants to take.

Raphaël :

He talked about it with Raphael after talking to Beliath. He was less afraid to talk to him than to Vladimir. To his great relief Raphael listened to him without even interrupting him. He did, however, ask him many questions on the subject, mainly to try to understand Ivan better. He also reassured her a lot about the reaction of the others, no one was going to reject him let alone ask him to leave the manor. He certainly wouldn't let that happen.

In a way, he is happy that Ivan feels confident enough with him to do his coming-out. Because even if he doesn't understand everything, he understands that this is a very important thing for Ivan and he wants to do everything he can to make the younger feel good.

He gets pronouns and first name wrong more often at first, but that's because he's very absent-minded. When he sees how much the mistake hurts Ivan, he makes even more of an effort to remember it and after two weeks, he hardly makes any mistakes at all. He also pays attention to what the others say about Ivan, especially what Ethan says about Ivan, as the younger boy seems to be most concerned about Ethan's reaction.

He is one of the best with Beliath at cheering Ivan up and reassuring him when he feels sad. He often reminds Ivan that they all care about him (yes, even Ethan who grumbles at everyone anyway) and that their only wish is that he be happy.

He is the one Ivan comes to most often to confide in when he cannot talk to Beliath. He always feels more supported after talking to Raphael, who never stops telling him that they are all there for him in case of problems.

Ethan :

He is not very welcoming to Ivan at first. Mostly because he considers Ivan to be an irresponsible and temperamental kid who will endanger them in some way. So of course Ivan doesn't feel at all reassured by the idea of coming out to Ethan. One could even say that he doesn't want to at all. So he asked the others not to tell the doctor about it and to pretend he didn't say anything when he's there. In fact, Ivan is mostly afraid that the vampire will become even more insulting and aggressive.

He remains silent on the subject longer than with the others. Ivan eventually told him about it, however, because everyone in the manor knows about it except the doctor and everyone assures him that Ethan will not react negatively. However, he prefers to have Beliath with him, because he knows that the doctor will not be aggressive towards him with the presence of the incubus.

However, Ethan did not react aggressively as Ivan had feared. And continued to behave in his usual way with Ivan. That is, ignoring him most of the time and complaining about his difficulties in dealing with his new life as a vampire.

However, he didn't ignore it so much. He gives his most murderous looks to those who might criticise Ivan at the Beliath parties. Of course, he said that he would not help Ivan and that he did not care. But Ivan is one of his own and no one from the outside has the right to criticise the members of his group. So he and Beliath make sure that these people are not invited back.

If Ivan wants to wear a Binder, Ethan will grumble a bit about Binders, mostly mumbling that they are not good for the skin and that Ivan should be careful not to choose a poor quality one. That's why he helped him choose a good quality one. He researched the subject before showing Ivan the brands he considered safe. Ivan had a little trouble understanding why Ethan cared about his health while reminding him every day that he didn't want to help him, but Beliath finally told him that it was his kind if strange way of showing that he cares, after all Ethan does that with everyone in the manor.

Okay, he said he wouldn't deal with Ivan's problems, but Ivan can't just pick the first idiot who comes along as a surgeon if he wants to make a medical transition. An operation, especially on a vampire given their ability to heal too quickly, is far too important to let just anyone do it. And after all, he is the doctor and surgeon of this manor and he clearly doesn't feel comfortable leaving a member of his group to a complete stranger. So, yes, if Ivan allows it, he will help her choose a good doctor and a good surgeon.

For Ivan, it is not always easy to know where Ethan stands in relation to him, but little by little he understands better the small marks of affection that Ethan can give him in spite of his always angry air. At least enough to understand that the doctor appreciates him as the other members of the manor and tries to make him feel good and safe with them.

[midnightscxre]

@waywordhearts [ Closed starter ]

Calloused palms traveled across the silky surface whose scent did not belong in his private quarters. The thick, sooty smoke of cigarettes smoked in the cramped space the ashy blond man called his bedroom was replaced by fresh air in which the aroma nourished the nostrils and did not disgust them. The sapphire eyes blinked away the fatigue and took in the surroundings. The confusion lasted for a couple of strong heartbeats, until the stupor of sleep was replaced by the realization of where he was. The muscular body tensed, lifting itself into a sitting position, elbows resting on knees as broad palms rubbing the heavy eyelids. Movement made him wince, a habit, instinct -- necessity to survive in the world of horrific crimes the president of ' Devil's stranglers ' chose -- always be on alert, one finger on the trigger and another ready to capture the neck of the enemy. " Hey . . . " Although the tempting shape in front of him was no way near a repellent sight he needs to destroy, nothing he needs to ' fear ', the caution remained for a moment too long.

The usual feeling of irritation that would rise as a tide seeing a ' sweet-bud ' overstaying her welcome back in the motor club was replaced by some strange relaxation, sight of the woman mellowing the senses, silencing the constant worry and driving the everlasting tension in the broad shoulders away. Azure irises fell upon a strangely shaped cup, probably a work of art Jace didn't know how to appreciate since his beverages came either in bottles or disposable paper cups, from which steam was rising, carrying another seducing smell. Rough fingers curled over the prepared drink, bringing it to the smirking lips. " Thanks . . . " a name. A name was supposed to be added at the end of the word of appreciation. A name he didn't know. Was not supposed to know. Jace entered this arrangement with rules chiseled in stone tables - no names, no details, no calls, no talks, no. . . well, nothing but physical pleasure. An exchange that worked perfectly well until the present moment.

Not that the man didn't have an abundance of willing women back at his motor club, but those had nothing to say except for ' yes sir, whatever you wish sir ', like programmed robots in tight skirts -- something Jace didn't find compelling at all. Boring. Yet, no matter with who he shared the sheets for the night, his rules were clear to the other person as well. Not one woman, even those whose heart was broken by the ugly truth, had one bad thing to say about Jace Catto. A man who never hid his intentions, had his cards open -- that he will never be nothing but a pleasure provider. That he can't stay and be the knight in the shining armor. Not because he didn't want to, hell, one of the biggest hidden dreams was a stable relationship that bloomed in a loving family -- white fence, dog, house, couple of kids and a wife. . . a distant dream. Jace saw too many of his fellow men lost their sanity to alcohol, drugs and sorrow after reality slapped them in the face. For criminals like them, there was no happy ending. Family killed, kidnapped, or just ran after they realized how cruel the world of crime is. The man vowed never to expose no one to its horrors.

" I really didn't mean to crash here, darling. No fake excuses. I wouldn't hold it against you if you kicked me out. " soft muscle licked the drops of coffee from the lips. What in the bloody hell is her name? Thought rang through the privacy of his head. Grabbing the crumpled white t-shirt from the corner of the sofa, Jace pulled it over the head and strong arms. Why did he stay in the first place? Man couldn't recall, yet there was no alcohol, or better said not enough of it, for him to use as an excuse -- it was just tiredness and the feeling of relaxation that made him stay. Jace got to his feet, scanning the living room as he approached her, taking a few hefty sips of the divine coffee. " Nice place. You live alone or should I expect an angry boyfriend coming too early from a business trip and have a nice brawl for a wake up recipe instead of the coffee? " Smooth chuckle accompanied the half-joke, because the example happened more than once. . . Finally the feet stopped collecting steps and the much larger silhouette towered over the smaller one. Corners of the lips curling in a smile before the brain even realized it. " Don't take this the wrong way darling but, I think crashing at one's crib and serving coffee demands a name. " crossing his own limits, Jace continued. " I know the deal and all, but ermm. . . would like to express my thanks properly, ye? " Slight Irish accent explained. " Name is Jace Catto. " He offered first.

[lordfrezon]

Baldur’s Gate 3

10/10

Spoiler free

Let me tell you a story.

In 2015 I got accepted to a Master’s program at Northeastern and for the first time in my life I was living in my own (room in an) apartment.  The school work for the Master’s was pretty easy and my job equally so, so I was left with a bunch of free time.  I proceeded to fill that free time by starting playing Dungeons and Dragons, since the game looked fun and my nerdy ass sister had been talking it up.  I went to my college’s tabletop club, gave my pitch for a game I wanted to run (yes, I ran a game of D&D before I had ever played in one. It was... a decision.), joined another game that sounded interesting, and then posted a facebook comment that hey, that Star Wars tabletop game you were running sure sounded like fun, Shawn.

And since then I’ve been hooked.

At some time in the past two years, D&D (or tabletop roleplaying in general) became my favorite game, supplanting Magic the Gathering.  I can’t tell you the exact date, but I know this because when I was brainstorming for writing this earlier today, I realized that that was the case. 

The reasons for this are pretty numerous, and a lot of it falls on how MtG has gone really downhill of late, but I want to focus on the positives here, and my primary love of D&D is how you are able to have as much fun as you are able to.  You’re engaging in a collaborative story where the goal is to ensure that you and 3-6 other people all are enjoying yourselves.  It’s very intimate in a way that few things are and even when the story might be meh or you might be off your game on a particular day, there’s always that feeling that other people are enjoying themselves and that alone makes your day better.

Baldur’s Gate 3 is that in a video game.

When the trailers first came out, I found the game compelling but was turned off by it going into early access since I was interested in the main story and getting through that so at the time, I was kinda meh on the whole thing.  When I heard it was actually coming out I was pretty interested and I played a bit of the early access, finding it enjoyable but again, wanting more, wanting the long quest with a solid end in sight.  I wanted to build a story, not just play a turn based game.  Fortunately, I didn’t have to wait too long.  One of my best friends got me the game, and we started playing it, ready to dive into the world together.

Immediately, I was hooked, because the base mechanics of D&D are very fun and the story was engaging.  Getting to know the characters, solving quests, and obviously being annoying to my buddy brought just so much joy.  We went out of our ways to ensure that our respective romances went well, and listened to each other, with me accepting that his vampire boyfriend was ok and him accepting my gith girlfriend was a zealot and not to be trusted.  It was an experience that we made together to ensure we were both having a good time.

I’m not sure that the experience would have been the same if I had played it singleplayer my first time through, but there is still a substantial amount of that collaborative storytelling in the game even if you are the only human.  You need to ensure that your NPC companions are happy if you want to romance them, or if you just want to see some cool sequences.  There’s a lot of ways that you can run into quests and more often than not, “kill everything that moves” is unlikely to get you what you want.

Ok so I’ve gone into what the game is, but why is it good to play as, ya know, a video game?  Because I can just run a D&D game (please don’t ask me to I’ll say yes and I don’t have the time), why should I install this program?

BG3 streamlines a lot of annoyances that can pop up in normal D&D.  Obviously, you don’t need a DM, and the “DM” of the game is telling a good story with good narration and well-acted NPCs and everything people always want from a good D&D session.  It’s not going to replace D&D completely since it’s only one story, but it’s a damn good story.

The gameplay is fun and engaging.  It solves a lot of problems with baseline D&D mechanics by streamlining them, making them less relevant, fixing them for use in a video game, and just overall making the best form of D&D possible.  There’s a few spots where I’m like “ok why did you do this instead of what D&D already had” but those were few and far between.  The gameplay is a solid turn-based RPG with a plethora of options, with combat taking place in varied locales where lines of sight, high ground, and all sorts of other conditions need to be taken into account to win.  Or you can just shoot lighting at everyone, that normally does the trick.

The story, as mentioned, is engaging and gripping.  There are narrative setups and payoffs, characters from hour 2 come back in hour 42, your actions actually matter.  It’s refreshing to know that I won the game thanks to a series of decisions I made from the first town that I had to keep reiterating across all three acts.  I wasn’t able to just go through the game with my brain off, I had to think about my actions and what consequences they would have for every character, myself included. 

There are three difficulty levels.  I played on the Balanced difficulty and it was reasonably challenging at parts and laughably easy at others, but I have been optimizing D&D characters for 8 years straight now, so... that tracks.  But I know a lot of people think the game is super hard and others think it’s too easy, so *shrugs*.  Difficulty isn’t really a selling point for me on games, all I can say is you can customize your playthrough at least a bit.

I finished the game last night.  It took me probably 60 hours.  I started a new playthrough 4 hours ago. 

This game is great.

[tellywoodtrash]

Hey TT! I don't know if it’s my place to say this. But I’m sending this to let you know how touched I was by the answer you gave to the anon who asked for your advice regarding dealing with insecurities. Firstly, I want to tell you that anon to take everything you said to heart cause it’s A+ advice. And anon, I know this doesn't help much, but you are amazing just for being you so I hope that you realize it with time, and grow to love yourself cause you deserve to feel great about yourself.

Secondly TT, I wanna tell you that reading your answer made me want to acknowledge your kindness. I have been on tumblr for years and NEVER have I come across a blog that’s run by someone willing to help strangers out with as much kindness and respect as you do. The world is filled with nasty people, and it calms me to know that people like you exist in this world. I have personally sent in an asks to you in the past asking for your advice, and you were as nice to me as you were to the anon I mentioned earlier. I will always be grateful for that advice and kindness. Lastly, I hope your kindness never fades and that the universe rewards you with many amazing things for the compassion you show to everyone who interacts with this blog.

I just felt compelled to say this because I feel like the fact that this anon felt safe enough to come to you with that problem, the answer you gave to her, and the reaction that I (and I assume, everyone else) had when I read it is the epitome of sisterhood. And you are amazing for creating such a place on this site :)

Aw, this message has me tearing up (in a good way.) Idk man, I just think of how I felt when I went through many of these same things when I was younger, and it was such a period of self-doubt and agony and loneliness. At the time, each of these incidents legit felt like the end of the world, and it was just horrrrrrrrible.

(I had my friends, of course, but they were going through their own shit, so it was a case of blind leading the blind, with no one having any proper answers. Kaafi yeh vibes the, lol.)

So yeah, in my teens and twenties, I used to think that I'm never going to be at peace and happy EVER in this godforsaken life. And everyone scares you about how getting older just sucks so bad, and that it's all downhill. I just wanna be the big sister I didn't have at the time, who would tell me things straight-up; that yeah, while some things still suck, things DO get a lot better once you get into your 30s. I just wanna make y'all feel like you're not alone, and that what you're going through isn't happening just to you; and that trust me, you WILL eventually make it out into the light. You WILL grow into yourself as a person, and you WILL become more sure of what you like/don't like, and where you want to spend your time and energies. You WILL stop giving so many fucks about other people and their bullshit, and just generally, feel better and more sure about yourself AS YOU ARE, no alterations needed. These little things WILL NOT feel like huge, life-ending tragedies anymore. You become more equipped to handle them (after a healthy cry and dm rant to your friends ofc.) I just love you little birdies and want you to live your best, most authentic lives!!!! 🤗🤗🤗💖💖💖💖💖💖💖

[makeste]

I honestly feel bkg and deku got one of the best rival dynamics in general and I read a lot of stories not just in shounen

agreed. it's got pretty much everything.

long personal history - they've known each other since they were little babies and know basically everything about each other.

intense emotional connection - their emotions become heightened whenever they're around each other. they bring out feelings in each other that no one else does. it's a tangled web of feels that neither one of them has the slightest idea how to begin sorting out.

yin and yang - they clash and contrast with each other, but they also complement one another.

parallels - in spite of their differences, they're also far more alike than they realize, and as the relationship progresses the similarities keep growing stronger to the point where they both openly draw inspiration from one another and mimic each other unconsciously.

there and back again - the relationship pretty much runs the full circle. they start out as friends, then turn completely antagonistic, then slowly mellow out into rivals, and then eventually back into friends again. it's a whole damn journey.

supportive rivalry - they egg each other on and push each other and help each other grow.

protectiveness - no one else is allowed to fuck with them!! they will fuck you up so don't even try it!!

acceptance - "huh, okay, so Deku has six extra quirks now. whatever. I hope they're not lame. I should fight him right now and test them all out."

faith/trust - unspoken and instinctive. in spite of everything they've been through, Katsuki has always believed in Deku's strength (even when it pissed him off), and Deku has always believed in Katsuki's potential.

relying on each other when nothing else is constant or secure - when Deku needs saving, Katsuki is there. and when Katsuki needs saving, Deku is there. they know how to get through to each other in ways that nobody else can. they know that they can depend on each other.

symbolism - the hands!! the reaching!! the hesitation!! the regret!! the longing!!

being complete morons - "hey Deku idk what to do about all of these stupid feelings I'm having, let's go sneak out of the dorms and have a dramatic therapy fight." "idk Kacchan, we probably shouldn't be doing this, I say as I follow you without hesitation and get totally swept up in the fight within five minutes and ramp my quirk up to 8% while we both beat the living shit out of each other."

not having a fucking clue - "oh whoops I meant to just tell Kacchan that I wasn't lying to him about not having a quirk, but it appears that I have accidentally told him my biggest, most important secret instead. just a small slip of the tongue there. I wonder what brought that on."

seriously - "I hate Deku so fucking much. but secretly I'm really just scared of him. and also scared for him?? and also I actually care about him a lot. but if he ever finds out I will literally die so I guess I better just sit back and call him names all day long for the rest of my life instead."

just making it up as they go along - "Izuku I'm so sorry for everything, I was a complete asshole and you were right and I was wrong and I fucked up and I really regret it and I just want to let you know. also we're still rivals and nothing has changed between us. let me show you my new cluster move."

literally no one else understands it but them - "I'm so happy and thankful to be able to have a semi-normal conversation with Kacchan again after all this time. [flashback to earlier that day with Kacchan when they spent fifteen minutes squabbling about who's better in All Might's office while Kacchan made bizarre faces and All Might was all 'lol these two really are a riot I fucking love their dumb asses.']"

and on and on. I'm basically just scratching the surface here lol. it really is the dynamic to end all dynamics. it's hilarious and deeply affecting and inspiring and compelling and poignant as hell and the slow burn to end all slow burns. and also never forget how, unlike certain other iconic shounen rivals who shall not be named, they got their shit together after 120 chapters and became a team, rather than breaking up and joining opposite factions and spending the rest of the series separated except for their periodic reunions where they wistfully try to kill each other. I'm just saying lol. we really are blessed.

[themrsackerman]

Angel of Paradis

Pairing: Levi Ackerman x Reader

Warnings: Spoilers from Season 4. Mentions of gun violence, blood, death

A/N: Now I know EP8 is only the beginning of the end but goddamn it hurts!! I love potato girl and losing her just tore me to bits. So here, take this. Its my way of coping I guess..

Levi is pissed off. From the start, he disliked the plan but it wasn't like Eren gave you all much of a choice. So the moment the kid got on the airship, he was welcomed with one of the captain's infamous kicks. The cockpit wall quakes with the impact and Hange sighs, shooting you a look. "I think you need to get out there and make sure Levi doesn't kill Eren, Y/n." She says exasperatedly and you nod, rising from your seat next to Onyankopon.

"I'll be right back." You say and she flashes you a knowing grin, shaking her head slightly. Even the commander knows you're the only one who could reign in the Levi Ackerman.

You see Levi on the corner glaring at Eren as he was being tied up. You sigh heavily, seeing Eren steaming as he heals. Jaw probably unhinged from the captain's kick. You sat beside him on the bench and pulled out a handkerchief, wiping his face clean from dirt and blood.

"Y/n-san." He greets you monotonously and you gave him a kind smile. "Hey, kid." You greet back, tucking loose strands of his now long hair behind his ear.

Your heart aches at the sight. He used to have so much fire, had the same will to fight for humanity that you only ever saw in your mentor, Erwin. Now all you see is ember of pure hatred and cold blooded need for revenge. "I'm glad you're okay." You murmur. Eren's blank stare softens for a second and a small smile hints the corner of his mouth. "Glad to see you too, Lieutenant." He says quietly and out of the corner of your eyes, you see Levi roll his eyes and make a disgruntled sound as he turns around.

You walk up to him and placed a hand on his shoulder. Levi meets your gaze with his dull gray ones for a second and sighs, his expression softening too. At this you smile a little and say, "We still have a long battle to fight ahead of us, Captain. Things might not have gone smoothly, but we won today." You remind him and as if proving your point, right on the other side of the ship you hear the soldiers celebrate as they reunite.

"You're right." He agrees. Levi then takes a deep breath and grabs the hand you placed on his shoulder so he can bring it to his face. He turns his head and placed a chaste kiss on your palm. Your heart flutters at the gesture. It isn't grand but was still something you couldn't quite get used to. You two never declared your love for one another, never really had the luxury of time or chance to do so, but small acts like this was enough to let you know that your presence provided him the calm he sorely needs. And that was all you want. Be his peace in this war.

"I'm going to check if the rest of the squad made it back up." You tell him, grazing your thumb on his lower lip and he reluctantly lets you go. "Be back as soon as you can. Meeting will start as soon as this fucking monkey heals enough." He says, cold glare flashing at the other Jaeger who is a pile of steam still laying on the ground. "Okay, I'll just check on Lima's squad. They're the last ones to be picked up supposedly." Levi nods again and watches you leave before turning to talk to Yelena.

You smile past Floch and the other soldiers who are weeping, hugging and making their tributes for those whom had fallen in battle. You then saw three of the soldiers you've grown close with through the years. They were huddled in the corner, sharing a hug.

You hear Jean say in protest, "Dont hug people with that lump ass iron gear on.", while shrugging off Connie's arm. You chuckle at this and tackled him back to the embrace. "Shut the hell up, Jean. I would take Connie's armored hugs any day!" To which the trio whines out, " Lieutenant Y/l/n!!" when you squished them tight.

Although the new gear designed by Hange was in deed not made for hugging, you four relaxed in the uncomfortable embrace. Grounded by the fact that you all made it safe despite the battle you had just gone through. Connie and Sasha smile up at you while Jean tries to still look annoyed, although the softness in his eyes says otherwise.

The soldiers left below start coming in and the cheering just grows even louder. You didn't have the heart to stop them because you yourself are quite happy that today was a success despite some casualties. Now, you have the War Hammer titan as well and were able to destroy the fleet. Now, the Eldians' chance stands higher against this damn war.

"Did you hear that just now?"

Sasha asks out of the blue and you turn to her in wonder. Honestly you couldn't hear anything but the soldiers celebrating. But out of the lot of you, you know Sasha's sense of hearing is far superior than all of you combined. So you take a step back from the crowd and actually looked around.

"Hey, quiet down!!"Jean yells over the chanting but Floch shouts, "Make some noise! Victory!!!" And was echoed by the rest as they embraced and pumped their fists in the air.

"Hey!" Jean tries again only to be pulled by Connie to the side to ask, "Isn't Lobov-san still out there?"

"No, I think he came aboard." Jean says thoughtfully and this was when something didn't sit quite right with you. Commander Lobov is a man that is hard to miss. And with his dedication to this mission to make up for his years being a useless garrison, he would be amongst the soldiers cheering the loudest for the said victory.

Your instincts has never failed you before and its the very reason why you are so good at your job and able to survive this long. But sometimes, you wish that your instincts aren't always right because you always perceive danger. And right now, every fiber of your being is telling you something is fucking wrong.

That if you were to look out the airship right now, you'll probably see the commander lifeless.

Or worse, an enemy may have made its way up to the ship.

Your blood runs cold for a split second before you acted purely out of instinct. You shove Sasha to the side, dreading as you head for the airship's side door and at the exact moment.. someone aboards.

Your gaze met the kid's muddy brown ones. It was determined, filled with fury and you saw that there isn't any trace of hesitation as her finger pulls the trigger. You knew you didn't stand a chance judging by look on her face and her sure aim on your torso. The word of warning you want to let out was caught in your throat as she fires.

You remember seeing those crazed brown eyes and then the ceiling of the airship the next. The sensation of what can only be compared to fire piercing your skin spreads through your chest and insides like molten metal. You hear the indistinct noise of the soldiers' voices grow louder yet muffled at the same time around you.

From happy cheers to manic, hysterical screaming.

You couldn't catch your breath at first and you aren't sure from which. Was it from falling flat on your back? Or was it the searing pain that made tears leak from your eyes?

And then above the chaos, you hear your three closest comrades call your name in unison.

"Lieutenant Y/n, hey!!!" Connie's frantic voice shrill through the limited space of the ship. "Hang in there, hey!" You feel him rattle you, placing his rough calloused hand against your cheek. Jean's panic stricken face comes to your field of vision and you whimper,  "A kid." You gasp. "In the airship."

"Bandages! Now! We need to stop the bleeding!" Jean commands shakily and the rest of the soldiers that aren't capturing the two intruders scramble to get the med kit and the captain.

"Y/n-san, please hold on until we make it to the island!!" Connie pleads but hopelessness crawls his veins as he sees your blood flood the wooden floors.

"Keep him safe." You whisper out to nobody. The captain in mind. Your eye lids grow heavy but you didn't want to close them. No. You can't die. You promised him.

"Don't you dare die on me, Y/l/n." His voice echoes in your mind, compelling you to keep breathing despite how excruciating it feels.

Sasha who was frozen at first, snapped out of her shock as she hears Connie's voice call your name out of sheer panic when your eyes fall close. She then runs to meet the soldier carrying the bandages and was at your side in an instant. With trembling hands, Sasha tries with all her might to wrap you up and stop the bleeding.

"No, no, no, no!!" She starts sobbing while watching the bandage turn red, your gushing blood seeping through no matter how tight she puts the wrap around you. "Y/n-san, no, you can't leave us like this." Sasha hiccups, wiping her tears hastily before grabbing your now cold clammy hand and pressing it to her face. "Please!" She cries, eyes falling close.

If you hadn't pushed her, if you didn't step in her place, it would have been her that got shot. Guilt rakes through her as she watches you desperately fight for your life.

You can feel yourself drifting and you felt helpless. You then meet Sasha's, Jean's and then Connie's gaze, muttering with your remaining strength, "Protect him." And it was no request but an order.

Jean stumbles away, his hands going over his ears, unable to stand your labored breaths and Connie and Sasha's whimpering. Jean felt like hurling when Floch turned the kids to him. The other responsible for you being on the brink of death.

But to those two kids, they are the enemies who wreck havoc to their hometown. Floch wanted to kill them and throw them out but what good would that do? Would taking their lives save yours? And knowing you, who practically treat soldiers like them like your kids even though you were just a few years older than them, you would be disappointed in him at the mere thought of hurting these kids.

Jean can almost hear your angelic voice, "They're just children." You would say. So with a vexed expression and heavy turmoil growing within him, he ties them up and led them to where the captain and commander are.

Jean swallows hard when the captain's cold gaze met his and asks, "Who are these kids?"

By the looks of it, he still does not know.

"They killed Lobov-san and used his gear to come aboard." A lump forms in his throat, suddenly can no longer meet the captain's gaze. "A-and this one here, she.. shot Lieutenant Y/l/n."

Levi's eyes widen. Did he just hear Jean correctly? You? Shot? You were with him just minutes ago. No, how is that possible?-

"Captain, I-I don't think she'll make it." He continues, voice faltering. The grievance in Jean's face make Levi's blood run cold. He stumbles forward a bit as Armin and Mikasa run past him but he seemed frozen in his tracks.

No.

You got hurt but you'll pull through this. You always have. You promised him. And you are one of the toughest people he knows.

Levi tries to convince himself as he glared back at Zeke. He tries to distract himself from the cold fear of losing you with the blinding rage he feels for the Beast Titan wielder. But then, the door swings open again and Levi felt something terribly wrong right away.

And when Connie appears with tears sliding down his face and says,

"Y/n-san.. is dead."

Levi's entire world shifts.

Everyone was shellshocked for a moment. Because how could you be gone just like that? When you were just with them just minutes ago providing comfort to all of them? Passing by and giving them a wave of peace and calmness like the angel that you are.

Hange wobbles, her knees growing weak and its as if someone had punched her in the chest. The pain reminiscent as the day she watched Moblit vanish before her eyes. You were her right hand woman. Her confidant.

Eren's head hung in disbelief. His mind clouded by your kind smile just earlier and telling him you're actually glad to see him. Him. The monster who had just devastated a whole town and killed probably thousands of people. He thought that by now, he'd have gotten used to losing the people around him but losing you is gutting him. Its was like losing family. A sister.

"Connie.. did Y/n-san have any last words?" He asks mindlessly, wanting to know what your last thoughts were. Connie blinks through his tears and his eyes drifts to the captain, whose face was undreadable and knuckles threatening to split open at how tightly his balled fists are clenched.

"She said.. 'Protect him.'" Connie mutters and Levi's facade breaks.

The mob of weeping soldiers parted as the captain staggers to the back of the ship where you lay. Armin and Mikasa were still curled up beside you, their faces red and puffy from wailing. Both of them reluctantly stood up and stepped away as he walks closer. His gaze was still trained on the ground as he puts one foot in front of the other.

He shudders and stop midstep as his foot steps on the crimson stained wood. Before he knows it, he falls on his knees with a thud. Your pale hand comes into his field of vision and he takes a deep shakey breath as he reaches for it. His eyes darts everywhere but your face. The bandage on your middle, the boots on your feet that he had his fair share of shinning as his token of appreciation for you making his morning teas, the emblem of the Wings of Freedom embedded on your breast plate.

Your hand felt cold and stiff against his. A stark contast of the warmth it exuded on his cheek just moments ago.

"Y/n?" He croaks.

Suddenly his breathing shallows as the deafening silence stretches on. He can still smell you but can no longer feel you although you're right fucking there. Levi wanted this to some fucked up nightmare. But then, as he steels his nerves and finally looked at your face, his heart shatters.

Your hair is uncharacteristically dishevelled, e/c eyes lifeless, pupils middilated and your mouth parted ever so slightly.

Levi pulls you in his arms frantically, plethora of would have been and should have been anchoring his heart into a sea of regret.

He should have never let you out the damn door.

He should have held you tighter.

He should have you talked to you longer.

He should have told you.. he loves you.

He never even got to tell you.

Levi's face crumples, face reddening before a resentful yell erupts from him. The soldiers wince at the sound. It was pure agony and it pierces through each and everyone of them, bringing the lot of them back to tears if they ever stopped in the first place.

The entire flight back to Paradis, Levi held you the way he wished he did while you were still with him.

[dienamights]

Not Your Best Man | D.Kaminari

✎ Denki Kaminari was resentful of all the things Katsuki Bakugou has, the high hero ranks, the fame despite his demeaning behavior, his intelligence, and most importantly, you.

✎ Protagonists: Denki Kaminari x Fem!Reader

✎ Word count: 5.2K

✎ Category: Smut MDNI, angst

✎ Caution(!): Smut MDNI, swearing, denki is jealous, bakuhoe is an asshole, mommy kink, loss of control of quirk during sex, degradation, praise, oral (male!receiving), unprotected sex, orgasm denial to a certain point, mention of puking, doing denki dirty in so many ways and I’m sorry but I’m also… not sorry.

✎ Author’s notes: Hello! Hope everyone’s well! I’m here with @forrest-fern’s Seven Deadly Sins server Collab! I snatched Denki and chose Envy! I wasn’t able to get bakugou but you know damn well I’m squeezing his ass in there lmao (peep the banner you can see the boom boom boy) (shut up im not late shush)

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Her hair is piled up and back, showing more of her delicate yet strong features. Skin so flawless his hands feel bound when he wants to touch it, afraid of staining it with his fingertips, not deeming himself worthy to taint it. Eyes brought out beautifully with makeup products she knew how to work to make her look even more gorgeous than she already is. Lips perfectly coated in lipstick, always formed in the littlest smile, and he feels compelled to kiss the product off of them.

The dress is perfect, it sits on her body as if it has been made just for her. Its fabric folds hugging her figure, following her curves. It’s color is gorgeous against her skin with long sleeves that cover her arms, the backless dress shows skin that begs him, taunts him to touch it and to guide her along with him. The collar exposes enough shoulders that teases him to bite and mark up. It's tight skirt pooled till the floor with a slit up to her left thigh. She looks stunning and he couldn't stop but linger his eyes on her.

She looks as though she is an angel, in the form of the most beautiful girl on earth. Mesmerising eyes, so crystal clear that he could see rivers, oceans, the whole world through them. No flower, no goddess, not even Aphrodite could ever compare to her beauty. She has the body of a dancer, lithe, supple and oh so beautiful. With every step she takes, it looks as though she’s floating, and Denki only became more convinced that he had been around an angel for the majority of his life and he -regretfully- only was able to realize it a bit too late.

Regretfully, because she wasn’t his, isn’t his, will never be his. Not the measly unimportant groomsman. No, she is the best man’s, Katsuki Bakugou’s, meant to be his forever. 

Bakugou’s BakugousBakugousBakugous… Dammit

“I do.” 

An adorable little boy dressed in a black tuxedo walks up and hands Kirishima a ring. He slips it on Mina's finger. The pastor smiles and turns to Mina. She wears a strapless wedding gown with embroidery on her bodice. Rhinestones and pearl beads sewn on her gown. She wears a two-tier veil, with a matching crystal head-piece. She holds a French rose silk bouquet. Kirishima is stunning. He wears a black, single-breasted, satin tuxedo with a white-wing collar shirt.

The pastor repeats the question and receives the same reply. You watch her take his ring from a small girl dressed in pink and place it on his finger. "By the power vested in me, I now pronounce you husband and wife." 

"You may now kiss your bride." He does so, placing his hands on her shoulders and pressing his lips against hers. The pastor holds up his hands, bringing the cheering crowd to their feet.

Kirishima and Mina leave the gazebo, arms linked, with huge smiles on their faces. The best man, maid of honor, and the groomsmen and bridesmaids follow suit, falling in behind them. They stop near the end of the walk, forming the start of the receiving line. 

The family and guests file down, pausing for hugs and kisses and congratulating the young couple. Mina then turns around and throws her bouquet of flowers behind her. The women collide with each other as they try to catch it. 

She cheers loud when the bouquet falls in your hands, and you giggle and wave it around, the women’s disappointed groans muffled in your ears when you catch the beautiful vermillions of your partner, oblivious to the golden specks that have been eyeing your every move since you stepped foot into the wedding.

“You could’ve been more obvious about wantin’ me to put a ring on your finger.” Katsuki chuckles against your ear, standing behind you with his hands on your hips, both of you looking at the newlyweds as they enter the reception with everyone awwing at them as they did their first dance as husband and wife.

The sun has set long ago, the full moon hanging and illuminating the area beautifully, the fairy lights and lamps circling the area, making the happy couple look absolutely glowing, and you smile at the scene from outside the dance floor.

“They fell in my hands ‘Suki.” you giggle, lacing your fingers between his, “Besides, you already did, didn’t you?” 

“Hmm,” his breath tickles your ear, fingers twisting your engagement ring around your ring finger, “was forced to, after all that whinin’ ‘bout wantin’ to settle down and not knowin’ when we’ll see each other when we’re goin’ on missions, and cherishin’ the lives-” he fakes a snore and rests his full weight on your back, both of you laughing as you tip forward and he catches you in time, placing his hand on your waist again and swaying with you as you see your friends happier than they ever were.

You look perfect, standing there holding each other, absolutely and utterly disgusting. Denki stares at you, fire spreading in his abdominal, his lungs constricting with every breath he takes the longer he looks at you. Swaying together, Katsuki’s lips pressing against your temple and you letting out the most beautiful laugh, Denki can’t help but clench the front of his shirt at the sight, wishing, hoping for nothing more than to be in his shoes, being the one lucky enough to be able to hold you that close, the one that has the privilege to hear your laugh, the one to make you laugh.

“Hey Denki,” He is snapped back to reality when Kirishima stands in front of him, blocking his view from the flawless couple. “H-hey Eiji! Congratulations bro, you’re finally a married man!” They hug, Denki’s eyes never leaving you while Katsuki twirls you to face him and peppers kisses across your face. “Thanks man! Hey sorry, could you get Bakugou for me real quick, we’re taking a few pictures with the best man and the maid of honor.”

“Right away, man of the hour.” 

Oh God, oh God, he isn’t ready to face you yet. You look too pretty, he doesn’t feel worthy to be in your presence, driven to bow down and ask for forgiveness for even breathing the same as yours. And yet, you smile upon his arrival, even letting go of Bakugou’s hand to wave him over, and you’re blessing him with your smile, giggles sounding like the singing of angels when he waves back excitedly.

“Hi!” you beam up at him the minute he’s close enough to be graced with your voice, “Where have you been, it’s like you were avoiding me all this time,” you pout for a second and Denki could swear he felt his heart skip multiple beats when your lips wobble and a smile makes it way back up at him.

“H-hey, ummm, Baku- uh.” he laughs at himself, trying to collect whatever dignity he has left. “Uh, Eiji is lookin’ for ya bro, something about a photoshoot with the maid of honor?” The groan Bakugou lets out is enough of a confirmation.

“Fuckin’ pain in my fuckin’ ass bitch” he grumbles, pressing his lips against your temple again, promising to come back after the ‘Motherfuckin’ bitch shoot’ is done. You only reply by squeezing his arm, a silent reassurance that you’ll be waiting for him when he gets back.

It's so revolting, the way he swears up and down, having the filthiest mouth with his words, not even respecting the beautiful goddess that tries to calm his nasty self down, he should be more considerate of you and your feelings, God he loathes the way he treats you. The way he mistreats you. 

You deserve to be treated so much better than that, the way Denki would, he’d downright kiss the ground you walk on, remind you every day that you’re the best thing that ever happened to him, the best goddamn thing to ever grace this earth.

Okay, you’re staring. God, has she been staring too? Denki, people always say you never shut up, use it to your advantage for once in your life.

Denki extends his arm to you, curses under his breath, wipes his sweaty palm against his pant leg before extending it again. "Would you like to dance?" You raise your eyebrows. "Would you like to dance?"

"Well, dancing is what a charming gentleman like myself would do.” He beames at the chuckle you let out. “Besides, you're beautiful and I want to show you off.” He pauses. “You know, while Bakugou is busy with his best man duties and all."

You smile, your pretty lips letting out a little giggle at his posture as he starts wiggling his fingers persuasively, and shake your head. "You know what? Yeah, I would like to dance."

Arm-in-arm, you and Denki head into the dance floor and step onto the wooden ground. You felt him move easily with you, agile and confident with the music as he takes the lead. His hands slowly yet surely reach to your lower back, but you shrug it off.

"Ah, expect tango music after this," he says. Eyes gleaming as they shift over to the DJ that nods in acknowledgement to him. He frowns when he sees your averted face, shifting your eyes away from his, observing, searching for him, your fiance, the person he wishes he could be, someone he could never be.

Denki trips over his words in an effort to regain your attention, “A-anyway, uh, um. Hey! Did you know that uh, t-tango is banned in other places of the world?" you raise your eyebrows. 

“Is it?”

 “Yeah, wanna know why?” 

“Didn’t expect you to know honestly.” He smiles as you laugh lightly, but something tugs at his heartstrings, its because you think of him as nothing but stupid brainless dunce face, depsite him entering and graduating one of the best hero courses in all of Japan, alongside you of all people, despite his hero work, the people he saves, the villains he captures, fuck. 

You don’t miss the way his face falls after your remark, an almost sour expression passing through before he clears his throat and looks behind your shoulder at basically nothing. “S-so,” you start, “Why was it banned?”

The blond’s eyes flicker over to you and soften at the way you’re cocking your head and smiling at him, despite him getting upset with you. What is he doing? He’s experiencing something straight out of his fantasies, having you pressed so close to him, dancing with him and smiling at him. No one else. 

“Oh, okay okay, so. It was considered the dance of the low-lifes at the worst places of society when it first emerged, and so the church banned it, because they said it had the music of the “immoral” factions of society”

“Oh? Why’s that.”

“It was considered an oversexualized dance. Portraying the sin and seduction of the Devil. It represents the Devil's nostalgia, his unrequited aspirations, loneliness, rejection, and misery. The longing of someone who will never fit in, who has never had love nor passion.” He takes a deep breath.  

“It's like sex, except with clothes on.”

 In a failed attempt to seduce you, he stumbles and steps on your heels. Earning a weak yelp from you as you back up from him.

It's okay, it's okay, he can fix this. Oh God the music stopped. Okay he gets to dance tango with you now and press you even more against him and hold you even closer, okay. God, are his hands always this sweaty?

The silence that follows the stopping of the music makes him panic, you’re so close, he just needs to reach out and hold you against him again. Press your tender body against his, let him pretend you’re his, pretend that he’s lucky enough to take you home with him. Help you take off your dress, press kisses against the curves of your body, make love to you all night.

Put all of that is cut short when he feels a daunting presence behind him, and he doesn’t need to turn around to know who it is. Because the way your face lights up at that presence is enough to stop his blood from pumping, enough for him to see only red, for him to dig his nails into the palm of his hands until he feels it piercing his skin.

“Hey,” the taunting voice of Katsuki Bakugou reminds him how beneath him he really is. “Yer havin fun with my girl.” it wasn’t a question. Despite that, in a desperate attempt to feel your touch one more time before you’re swept away by your big strong hero, that he would never be able to match to.

With trembling fingers, Denki grasps your hand and brings your knuckles close to his lips, eyes boring into each other while he kisses them, and you only grin in appreciation at his manners, doing the most adorable courtesy he has ever seen in his life, almost forgetting the looming presence of his former classmate.

Bakugou moves around Denki to reach you, and Kaminari knows at this point all hope is lost for you to dance with him, or better yet, have any interaction with him again for the entirety of the night. Katsuki held your hand with surprising firmness, caramel scent wafting through as you feel how sweaty his hands really are. 

“Are you warm?” You mumble, lacing your fingers through his when his reaction is to pull his hands away to wipe them at his pants. 

“No.” It's firm and it's rough, yet it isn’t directed at you. It’s directed to the other blond that surprisingly still hasn’t backed down and is still standing straight, eyeing how you two act as a couple, how he wishes you would hold his hand, ask him if he was warm, embrace all his insecurities.

As your fiance leads you back to the center of the dance floor. Hand starting at your waist but quickly slipping to grab a handful of your ass, chuckling when you squeal and slap his chest. Something wicked gleams in his eyes when the first tune of the violin starts playing, drifting with the harmony of the accordion.

“You and I both know that my knowledge of tango is as much as my knowledge for knitting, that’s right, nonexistent.”

“You know my body, don’t you?” he doesn’t wait for an answer. “Follow my lead, let your body do the talking.”

“You’re crazy.” yet you still laugh, pressing a chaste kiss to his lips as he pulls you impossibly close to him, raveling in the feeling of your chest pressed to his. You’re rolling your eyes a little at the way his smirk stretches when he pinches your butt, but you instantly shiver when he places his warm calloused hand within the cutout of your dress on your lower back, skin to skin. And just like your body is made to be molded against his, you place your arm over his shoulder while the other is engulfed in his. 

He steps close, too close, scandalously close. Pressing his cheek against your temple and only then meeting the eyes of Denki, that's when his smile drops, every playful act with you is gone. His magma filled eyes staring into the soul of the electrical hero.

Mine MineMineMine

Neither were stupid, Katsuki knows what Denki is doing, and Denki is well aware of Katsuki’s ability to piece shit together.

Denki is left lonesomely standing by the DJ, watching the way you two dance, the way Bakugou steps forward in your space and you stepping back to accommodate him. He seethes in his stance as you two rock on your feet, the way Bakugou handles your body with firmness and strength, yet softly watching you when you giggle at the way he spins your body effortlessly. Kaminari sees the way you let yourself be led, the way you trust Bakugou to handle you, hold you, care for you, in ways he could only hope for you to see him.

You are perfectly synchronized, almost fluid like, an extension of each other, like you had done this a million times before, practised day and night to perfect it. Bakugou takes his time twirling you across the room, seductively slow. Thighs brushing against each other with every stupid turn.

His body whispering commands to yours, daring it to misbehave, you step and lean and sway, every movement perfect and precise, like an intricate choreography that you have never learned, but your bodies remembering them. He dances with you the way he has sex—with exquisite control, infinite patience, and aggressive moves.

Huh, that's what Denki must have meant.

At that moment, your eyes catch him standing outside the dance floor, and you almost don’t recognize the man alone, filled by ugly emotions they couldn’t help but spill and show on his expression. Sour and hateful and just plain cruel looking.

Katsuki’s mouth curves in a lazy smile at how your brows furrow, spinning you in a vigorous turn so he’s the one facing him instead. You aren’t dense, you feel the eyes on you, well aware who they belong to as they burn through your back. He lowers his head, forcing you to look back up at him, your lips grazing against his, too close.

“Yer puttin’ on a show for your boy?” 

“A show- no you ass, weren’t you the one that wanted to dance?” you try to lean away to scold him -yes, middance- but the blond lowers further, until you think he’s trying to get you to shut up by kissing you. Suddenly he’s dipping you low, his face stays only a few inches away from yours, your back arching beautifully.

A static sound dwells on you, followed by the buzzing of electricity. The lights flicker and you instinctively grab at Katsuki, tightening your hold against his bicep, your eyes searching his when he doesn’t lift you back up, only to find him not even looking at you.

His fingers are tingling, tips wiggling as they shoot little sparks at the sight in front of him, his golden eyes illuminating in the momentary darkness as they clash with the magma filled rubies, challenging him, taunting him, mocking him.

MineMineMine

And when Denki accidentally short circuits the entire DJ booth, the dance hall instantly quiets, a blanket of silence weighing them down and daring someone to break it. And yet, Bakugou has other plans, of course.

Sneakily, he slides his hand down from your back to your knee, firmly grabbing your leg as his eyes meet yours before lifting it to his hip. Fingers slipping under your dress and grazing your upper thighs, sending goosebumps racing across your skin, not having the courage to break eye contact until you hear the gasp of a few of the attendees. Only then does he close the gap between to press his lips against yours, the little audience you collected clapping and cheering you along.

The whistling and cheering is loud enough for you to miss the sound of Denki’s fist slam against the table and the sobs wrecking him as he drags his feet away from the scene. 

BakugousBakugousBakugous

Sero grunts as he struggles to push the hotel room door open with Denki leaning his full weight on him. It takes him a couple of tries to finally get the drunk man on the bed, slapping his hands away as Denki tries to grab at and kiss the man. 

“C’moooon, Hantaaaaa, s’not like you don’ wanna, look atchu, you’re takin’ off m’clothes but you don’ wanna kiss me?”

“You ass, I’m taking off your shoes because you stepped in your own vomit.” 

The man gags, chugging the shoes in the trash can and helping his friend ease off of his suit jacket. “Yer a good man Hanta, say, you wanna be m’best man?” Sero laughs, shaking his head as he tries to help him lay on his stomach, “y’know, when I marry y/n.” 

The silence that follows is deafening, Sero not having the heart to talk when he catches the sound of Denki sniffing and burying his head in his pillow.

“I- “

“Jus’ leave me alone, Sero.”

And he does, the only confirmation of his solitude is the echoing click of the door’s lock as Sero leaves Denki to brew in his own self loathing.

It takes Denki a few minutes to collect himself, the nausea forcing him to take off his shirt and pants, lying down on his back to feel the cool air on his chest. He doesn’t realize he has his eyes closed until he snaps them open when he hears his door click close.

There you are, radiating, mesmerizing, you’re practically glowing, standing there by his door, adorned by your… nightgown? 

God, please don’t say you’re in the wrong room, please don’t say you’re in the wrong room.

“You sure you’re in the right room y/n?”

You don’t answer, you just simply, untie your robe. And Denki’s eyes practically bulge out when the silk robe slips right off of your shoulder and drops in a pile on the floor by your feet. He can’t look you in the eyes, he’s looking at every inch of exposed skin he can muster, committing every curve, every dip, every contour, every fucking thing to memory.

“You’re here, aren’t you?” that’s when he looks back up at your eyes -after shamelessly staring at your peaking nipples for a second too long - blinking twice at your words. He sits up with a struggle, “W-wait, what about Bakugou?”

“What about him?”

And honestly, that alone almost made him bust a nut.

You’re pushing at his chest until he lays back down, throwing your leg over his figure and straddling him. Instantly, he feels your warmth pressing against his strained length and his body shivers at the thumbing against it. 

“You’re so good to me Denki,” you breathe, fingers combing through his hair before you take a fistful of it and lightly tug, rolling your hips against his and relishing in the whines he lets out, slender fingers reaching for your thighs and grabbing handfuls, his eyes begging for you to do it again, and when you do, he throws his head back and moans.

“You treat me so well,” you pout, nails tracing his sweaty flushed chest, peppering kisses along it, moving up until you reach his ear, biting at it and giggling when he ruts his hips up against you. Feeling your slick dampen the front of his boxers as his leaky cock does the same. “So pretty for me” he whines again, eyes blown out and chest heaving at the feeling of being kissed by you, held by you, touched by you, hell, looked at by you.

“Fuck, again, ah- d-don’t stop, pleaseplease-”

“Use your words baby, wadda you want?” he thrashes against the bed when you grind your hips against his again, the tips of his fingers buzzing and twitching when you’re lowering yourself to press your chest against his face. 

“Fuck, wanna feel your pretty pussy, feel you squeeze my cock, please, just -ah, put it in.” it's all muffled from the spit collecting on tongue and the way he’s smothered by your tits but honestly he wouldn’t have it any other way.

His body refuses to move as you scoot lower, straddling his thigh and grinding your hips against it, wickedly smiling as he whines ‘nonono’ when you do, “m-my cock, my cock, please stop teasin’.” the tip of your finger traces the elastic of his boxers, giggling at the way his body jerks up and at the gasp he lets out when you snap it against his hip. Before gliding your finger against his strained cock, enjoying the way it twitches under your touch, feeling it harden against you.

You coo at him as you pull off his boxers, when you see that there is no initiation from him to move. The sight of his pretty cock with its fiery head welcoming you and you can’t help but grab at it. “Pretty boy all needy for me, hmm?” You give it a lick from the base to the tip, sucking on the head of his cock and feeling it twitch inside of your mouth, hollowing out your cheek and looking up to see the way his face flushes, his body illuminating with the crackling of the thunders around him, twitching his body before he breathes out a few times to calm himself down.

How is he so lucky? How is he blessed with having your lips wrapped around his cock, just looking at you is tightening a knot in his belly, and he can’t help but throw his head back and close his eyes in an effort to prolong his orgasm to feel even more of you.

He doesn't open his eyes until he feels a looming shadow on him, and that's when he catches sight of you again, the moon hitting your face, your glistening precum-covered lips smiling down at him.

“Want me to take care of you?” You tease, chuckling breathlessly as Denki feels your pussy on his cock, your slick covering it as you roll your hips and feel your pussy gush at the way his body shivers in ecstasy at your touch. “Yes! Please mommy ye-”

“Mommy?” Did he just say it out loud? “No, ah- fuck, no-no I didn’t say that I-” you don’t even let him talk, gyrating your hips again, covering his dick with your slick, without having your walls flutter around him just yet.

It takes a few teasing grinds of you against him to have him sobbing at this point, “m-mommy please just please! I wanna, ah” he thrashes when the tip of his leaky cock catches your clit, the lightnings he’s producing passing by his eyes and obscuring his blurry vision for a while, before he’s blessed with the sight of you beautifully arched on top of him. “In, in, wanna feel the pretty pussy, please please lemme feel the pretty pussy.” it's just meaningless babbling at this point, anything to get your walls tightening around his cock, all sensitive from being rubbed against you for god knows how long.

And when his head catches your cunt, he all but cries out at the way it clenches at the head, bucking his hips up to feel more of you. Wanting you to swallow him whole, take him all the way in. “Y’gonna just fuck into my pussy like that, hmm? Is that how you’re treatin’ mommy now?” “n-no! Ah, m’sorry pleaseplease, I just, you feel s’good, you’re s’tight aaah, wanna feel more, please I want more more more,” and he does. So, without a warning, you drop your hips and impale yourself on his cock, and for fuck’s sake all of what Denki saw what white for a few seconds, he could’ve sworn he heard a few angels singing, even.

“That what you want, hmm? Want her to take care of her pretty boy?” you pout mockingly, bouncing yourself on his lap as he tries to grab hold of your hips to guide you, but the way you’re jerking his body has his head dizzy and his sight swimming, the low buzzing of his quirk muffled by the wet slaps of your skin against his, your ass clapping against his thighs and he doesn’t think he’ll ever forget that sound, and he just settles for letting you please yourself with his cock, because if you’re gonna use him as a fucking dildo, then he wouldn’t fucking have it any other way.

Weakly snapping his hips upwards with the drops of your hips, Denki’s leg shake and it takes a few more times for his cock to fully seath itself in your tight walls for him to let go, feeling your pussy squeeze his cock for all his worth as your pants turn into whines, suddenly they’re very afar, almost like you’re underwater. Yet he’s the one feeling like his lungs are constricted when he hears the name you’re calling, and it isn’t his. “Ka- ahh- suki…”

Only then does Denki realize that you aren’t in his room, your discarded rope isn’t thrown haphazardly on the floor by the door, your slick isn’t covering his thigh or coating his dick, and the worst of all, your pussy isn’t the one that has been squeezing his cock, oh no.

It was his hand, those slender fingers wrapping around his softening cock, smeared with his cum. He lifts his hand in horror, disgust and shame eating him up, especially when his ears perk up at your sound.

“Fuck, Katsu- yesyesyes, right there, yes!” Whatever nausea he felt subsiding is coming back tenfold, burning his throat as he slaps his hand over his mouth, anything to stop himself from puking on himself.

“Ha, that what you want? Getting dicked down after havin’ fun with that fuckin’ dunce face.” The wet sounds of Bakugou’s hips slapping yours is almost making his ears bleed. “Havin’ that prick touchin’ ya like that. Fuckin’ slut, all of that to rile me up so I can fuck that tight lil pussy, that what you want?”

Denki doesn’t know what’s the last nail on the coffin, the absolute filth being spewed to you, tainting your angelic ears, that aren’t meant to hear anything but praises and confessions of love and gratitude, the fact that you’re squealing and moaning for him to fuck you even harder, or the fact that he’s listening to every squealching sound, every creak the bed made, every slam of the headboard against your shared wall, every breath, every moan, every scream, everything.

That's when Denki flings himself off of the bed and empties his stomach, right on the floor next to his bed, tears stinging his eyes as he tries to trick himself that it's because of the way his throat is burning and not because of the way his heart is shattering, feeling it wrenched from his chest and thrown on the floor, stepped on and spat on and just beaten to the point of no return.

Sniffing and lifting his head up, Denki can’t help but see red, his whole body crackling with newfound vigor, his whole body is numb, like his quirk is taking the lead, putting his consciousness on the back burner. He chuckles, despite you moaning out Katsuki’s name when you find your release, despite him calling yours as he finds his, despite hearing your giggles and the kisses he’s pressing against god knows where on your body, despite the tears streaming down his face.

The last thing Denki remembers before he lets his quirk take complete control over him, is the humming of energy, the fleeting blinding brightness, the shattering of the light bulbs all around him, the loud deafening bangs, almost like music to his ears and finally, the sound of you screeching in horror. 

Hope you like it! Kithes kithes

[lavenderwhore444]

OK I HAVE ANOTHER IDEA FOR CAT SHIGARAKI , what if cat shigaraki can actually turn into a cat 🐈 likr a full on cat, one day u where coming back from work and sensed someone was following u, but every time u would check u would find nothing not until the 5th time u turn around u see a little tail wiggling, u try to hide ur giggles and pretend u didn’t see him, shigaraki wasn’t sure why he was so interested in u since he basically hated everyone but something about u was so soft and sweet, shigaraki of course never trusts anyone after what happened to him ( poor baby was abused), after that little incident he started following u home every day, u of course didn’t mind but u really wanted to get a closer look ( u always had food outside wanting for him), on one rainy night shigaraki couldn’t find a place, he was scared,cold and hungry so he ends up scratching and meowing on ur door, u open the door and find this adorable yet really skinny cat and not to mention he was shaking ( one of his ears has a little cut) he looked like he was about to faint so u immediately picked him up and dried him off and fad him, he was exhausted so he passed out, until he woke up he never had anyone caring for him like that, u were really worried for him that really made him feel something he wasn’t so sure of but he knew he wanted ti stay , so this is the day u decided to take this random ass cat in that u had no idea if it was a male or female every time u wanted to check he would hiss ( he was really shy and thought u were pervert) at u so u gave up and picked a random name he didn’t like any but oh well, at first shigaraki was a bit grumpy and a bit shy but he eventually warmed up to u, until one day u we’re on the couch watching tv, shigaraki sees u and goes to cuddle with u ( he was feeling a bit really touched starved) u surprised to say the least, u took a little nap with him until u woke up and Felt something heavy on u, u look down to find a dude cuddling up on ur chest, u pushed him off and started panicking, he did have the cat ears and tail but no way is that ur pet, shigaraki woke annoyed until he remembered he was in his human form, u we’re asking so may questions all he wanted to do is cuddle with u for god sake, he explained everything to u and told u his name , u didn’t mind tbh u had to admit he was kind of cute in his human form, plus it’s not like u haven’t heard if hybrids before u know a lot of people have them so why not have one too , it’s been a almost a year since that day and u never regretted having shigaraki he was absolutely precious.

-🤡

Someone I Can Trust

Cat shiggy supremacy

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Tw: mildly implied SA (not to the reader) just fluffy idk

Your neighborhood might not have been in the nicest area, and you might be just a little paranoid, but you've never felt like this before. You could practically feel the eyes on your back. You checked behind you every so often but never saw anyone and assumed you were just more anxious than normal.

However, you were being followed by someone who could kill you with just one touch. Even though he'd learned to control his quirk, Tomura Shigaraki had little regard for human life. He hated almost everyone but took an interest in you.

It wasn't that he liked you. He was just curious, like a hunter hunting new prey or a scientist watching a new specimen. It didn't matter that the smell of your sweet perfume had drawn him in, and the way you were just so unbearably cute had kept him very interested.

He had followed you for four whole blocks; he got worried when you started heading towards this part of town. Tomura followed you, ready to attack anyone who tried to hurt you. He had concluded that you were the only tolerable person to exist on this stupid dying planet.

It got tricky when he followed you into an alley. There wasn't really anywhere to hide. He stepped on a twig and darted behind a trash can, praying that you didn't see him. Unfortunately you did see him. Well, part of him.

When you checked behind you again, a cute little tail was sticking out from behind an overflowing garbage can. You bit your lip as you smiled, pretending that you didn't see the kitty’s tail. To be fair, you didn't know if it was a girl or a boy, but you had gone with a random hunch you had.

When you reached your apartment, you took one final look around but assumed the little kitty had disappeared. Tomura wanted so badly to race right past you into your house and refuse to leave, but he didn't know who you were or what you'd do to a random uninvited cat. He just couldn't trust you. He wished he could.

The next time he walked by your house, he noticed some cat food sitting out. Did you have another cat? Who cares? He was hungry, so he walked up and ate most of the food. Maybe you could be a consistent source of food. When he heard your door unlock from the new box he'd taken residence in, he followed you to work and then back to your apartment. This went on for a good week and a half.

One day it began to rain. And then it started to pour. The box Tomura had taken shelter in was damp, and rain came right through it. He wanted to cry, he had nowhere to go, and he was cold. So so cold. He tried to hide anywhere he could but was chased out by other cats. He ran back to your apartment and desperately clawed and meowed at your door.

Inside, you heard him despite the heavy rain. If you‘d had the TV going, you wouldn't have heard his sad meows, but thankfully, you did. You open the door to see the cat that follows you home. He's skinny and has patches of fur missing, nearly bald, and his ear is cit. He's shivering and looks like he's about to faint.

You immediately scoop him up and hold him to your chest hoping to warm him up while you get a fresh towel out of the dryer. It's still warm and you wrap him up in it.

“Oh, poor kitty, you must be so hungry,” you say, picking him up while he's snuv in the warm towel.

He mewls quietly, agreeing with you. The food you'd been leaving out was always eaten by other cats when he got there.

“Come on, sweetie, it's gonna be okay,” you reassure.

He lets you carry him to the kitchen, where you open some cat food for him. He lets you feed him. He feels too weak to stand on his own legs. When the can of food is gone, his eyelids droop, and he nearly falls asleep in your arms. When you put him down, he cries for you to stay with him.

He's never felt this way before. Tomura isn't sure if he can trust you or not, but he needs you. He has to try and trust you.

“Aww, you want me to stay with you,” you're already gushing over the cute cat, “of course, sweetie,”

You scoop him into your arms and undo the towel a bit so he's not constricted. You fall asleep with him in your arms. When he wakes up, he sees you scrolling through your phone; he peeks at it and sees you're looking at missing pet reports.

His heart sinks. His old owner may not have cared about him but the thought of them putting up a report made him shake. You feel him stir and see how scared he looks.

“Hey, hey, it's okay,” you say, noticing him staring at the screen, “you can stay with me,”

He mewls in agreement and wriggles out of your arms.

“Hold on buddy,” you say picking him up.

When he notices where you're trying to look, he hisses at you and squirms until you put him down. If he'd have known you were such a pervert, he would have stayed out in the rain. The way you scratch behind his ears makes him forget all about how weird you were, and he purrs loudly.

“What should we name you?” you wonder out loud, you look at his light blue fur and decide on a name, “how about snowball,”

Tomura pretty much hates the name you chose for him, but oh well. He hops off the bed and decides to poke around the house. You follow him around and make sure he doesn't try to eat anything he shouldn't. Something in his little kitty brain lights up when he sees a room with a bunch of boxes. He doesn't know why he's so compelled to jump in them, but when he does, he's elated.

He hops in and out of them, looking at you for approval whenever he jumps, particularly high. You always reward him with clapping and words of praise. When he's finished playing on what he's deemed as the box room, he heads to the living room, rubbing his face all over your furniture to mark it as his territory.

He does the same with the rest of your house as well as you. He's having a good time until you pick him up and try to peek where you're not supposed to again. He hisses at you and is grumpy for the rest of the day, hiding under the couch, climbing into the cupboards, and causing havoc throughout your home.

When you yank him down from the highest shelf of the laundry room, he frowns at you (as much as a cat can) and stalks away to sleep on the couch. You're honestly not worried about his grumpiness. It just means he's getting his strength back and standing up for himself.

You do have to admit that you miss the way he had curled up in your arms last night. You love living with your kitty, and he still follows you to work time and time again. Over time he became for comfortable and a bit nicer (no more random biting) until he was comfortable enough to nap at the end of your bed.

The next time it rained, tomura was terrified. You were watching TV on the couch, and he jumped onto your chest. He needed you to cuddle him while it rained, so he didn't feel scared anymore. You were happy and also a bit surprised. Of course, you didn't complain while he purred as you held him.

His purring lulled you to sleep, and he got so comfortable he accidentally switched back into his hybrid form. Tomura wasn't born a cat, but hybrids on the streets are treated so cruelly that he decided he was safer im his cat form. When you woke up to a heavy weight on your chest, you jumped, causing Tomura to wake up.

When you look down and see a random guy lying on you, you immediately push him to the floor, trying not to look too far down since he was naked (cats don't wear clothes. You can't blame him). The thing that scared you the most was that you couldn't find your cat.

“Who are you!” you shrieked, looking down at the man.

You noticed he had the same ears and tail as “snowball,” but there's no way he was your pet Tomuras is a bit disgruntled from being woken up from his nap but kind of understands your distress.

“Who do you think?” he says, “I’m your cat, just a hybrid,”

You stare at him in shock, of course you knew about hybrids but he still scared you.

“My names Tomura,” he says, “so you can stop calling me snowball,”

“Why didn't you tell me?” you ask, confused, “I still would've taken you in,”

“Well I didn't know that,” he snapped.

Tomura was much moodier in his hybrid form because he had a better memory. He was able to remember all the abuse he endured and how badly he was treated. He didn't want to go through that again, but when you scratched behind his ears, he couldn't keep himself from purring.

“Let’s get you some clothes,” you say, guiding him to your room.

You had some spare clothes your brother had forgotten when he moved out. Tomura put them on eagerly, not wanting you to look too far down. Having fresh, clean clothes on was a new experience to him; his old master never gave him any, and he cringed at the thought, beginning to panic a bit.

You noticed the change in his breathing and wrapped your arms around him. That same sweet smell of your perfume that had drawn him in reached his nose, and he began to breathe slowly, taking in it all in.

“It’s okay,” you say softly, “it’s okay now you're safe,”

He nods, getting choked up at the thought of you caring about him. Over time your friendship strengthens, and even some romance blooms. You love spending the night snuggling with him and kissing him. Tomuras the best thing to ever happen to you and your the best to him.

He's finally found someone he can trust.