#their murloc names fuck me up it’s so good

[doodledoos]

I love the murloc timeline. Look at them! Little cuties every single one.

[thefoldedbird]

Overexertion

When you’ve spent over twenty years in the hands of modern medicine, trusting a witch doctor sounds like a bad idea. Zalazane’s not doing a very good job of not being offended by this.

No warnings

Orla groaned into the plush pillow, trying to shift further under the mass of blankets that had been haphazardly piled on the bed. Well, on top of her. Despite the fever still being very present, her body felt wet, sticky, and downright gross.

She supposed she should be grateful they even had a bed. Almost all Darkspear slept on the ground or on thin mats. Oh her back could never.

“H-how the hell do I feel hot and cold at the same time?” She muttered, shuddering as Vol’jin wiped her face with a damp cloth.

Vol’jin regarded her with an unhappy noise, brushing away the strands of hair matted to her face. “You abused your body, Bal’a, it be abusin’ you back.”

Orla scoffed, regretting it immediately when her throat practically caught fire in protest. Vol’jin held her steady as she coughed.

“Please, I abused the murlocs more than anything else.”

Vol’jin sighed and eased her back into the pillows. “And your body be dry of mojo ‘cause of it.”

The mage managed a small shrug, “worth it.”

The chieftain rolled his eyes. “Zalazane be makin’ his way here later for you. Might not be worth it then.”

Orla raised a brow, “why Zal?”

Vol’jin chuckled and pressed a quick kiss to her temple, “he be a witch doctor, mona. You know that.”

“…yeah?” The woman furrowed her brow, “last I checked, witch doctors were in the business of hexes and voodoo. That kind of thing.”

“Yes, while that be true, witch doctors also brew potions, alchemical t’ings.” Vol’jin crinkled his nose, “all nasty tasting.”

The mage blinked at him, an unimpressed look crossing her features. “Absolutely not.” Orla huffed as Vol’jin raised a brow, “I’m not drinking some random magic potion from a witch doctor.”

Vol’jin frowned, “don’t be speakin’ ill of the trade, Bal’a. It was my papa’s.”

Orla winced, weakly squeezing Vol’jin’s hand. “…sorry, that’s not what I meant.”

“You don’t trust Zalazane?” Vol’jin asked, helping the woman sit up again.

Orla took the glass of water he offered with shaky hands. Her arms felt like goo. “Dunno, has Zalazane ever made a potion for a human?”

“Should work the same on you.”

“Hmph, should or does?”

Vol’jin shook his head at the woman’s stubbornness, “my papa taught Zal a lot of what he knows. He be a fine witch doctor.”

Orla groaned, too tired to truly argue. “Ugh, fine. But if he kills me Bwonsamdi and I are going to have a field day fucking with you both.”

The chieftain chuckled and eased his mate back down, taking back the -now empty- cup of water. He tucked the blankets back around her shivering body and planted a chaste kiss on her forehead. “Try ta’get some rest ‘fore he stops by. I’ll put more water on da’ table.”

“Thank you, my love.”

Vol'jin ear flicked and his cheeks tinged with a soft purple hue at the pet name. If Orla could have mustered the energy, she'd have teased him even more.

She did not expect to wake up feeling infinitely worse than before.

Worse yet, Zalazane stood over her with a positively annoyed look marring his face. Orla whined as she attempted to shift from her side to her back, but her limbs felt like they’d been filled with cement. She peered owlishly up at Zalazane, who folded his arms.

“Vol’jin tells me you don’t trust my work.”

Orla wanted to groan -expecting a lecture- but couldn’t seem to find her throat. She shuffled in the bed pitifully. God everything was just so hot.

“What, nothing to say for once?”

Orla tried to speak but her voice came out fried, only managing to make a pitifully strangled noise. She coughed violently, the dryness of her throat was unbearable. Zalazane perked in alarm and his brow furrowed. He knelt beside the bed, brushing her hair from her face.

“Orla…?”

The mage whimpered, leaning into the cool touch of his palm. The witch doctor quickly dropped pretenses, shifting her onto her back and sitting her up. Orla spasmed as coughs wracked her. She just wanted to sleep again.

“Hm, try ta keep sat up little one.” Zalazane murmured, letting her go once her cough subsided to rummage around in his bag.

“B-bad…” Orla strained, tears pricking at her vision. Without the blankets trapping her heat she was so so cold. She curled up as best she could.

“I know.” Zalazane replied softly, giving her arm a quick encouraging squeeze. “I’ll try to be quick.”

The pale blue troll pulled a round glass bottle from his bag. Inside it swirled a thick dark red liquid that seemed to clump together. Orla made a face.

"No getting out of it," Zalazane sighed and caught her arm as she tried to shift away, "you have to drink it."

Orla shook her head as vehemently as she could manage, "oh...hell no." she rasped.

Unfortunately, the witch doctor was far stronger than her. With a heavy sigh Zalazane pinned her to his chest and forced her head back by her neck, uncorking the bottle with a flick of his finger.

"This would go a lot faster if you stopped struggling," he grumbled, struggling to pry her jaw open.

It was a losing battle. Orla weakly thrashed as the foul, thick liquid made it passed her lips. Zal held her mouth shut and squeezed her neck, forcing her to choke and swallow. The woman roughly jabbed her elbow into the witch doctor's abdomen.

He swore and let go, dropping Orla on the wooden floorboards. She coughed violently as her stomach churned and gurgled angrily. She began to dry heave.

"Wh-what did you...do?" she whined, threw up, and passed out.

When next she woke she was warm. The normal warm. She was swaddled in blankets and sitting in someone's lap as they rubbed her back. Orla shifted back and looked up to find Vol'jin staring back, his face illuminated by the flickering fire pit.

"Hey," he said softly, pressing a kiss to her forehead, "how ya feel?"

The woman shrugged and snuggled back into his chest, "better, I think? Did Zalazane give me something else?"

"I did not."

Orla leaned back and found Zalazane sitting just off to the side of her and Vol'jin, furiously writing away in a notebook. "Ya didn't react well to potions wit troll's blood."

Orla's lip curled in disgust, "no shit."

Zalazane threw up his hands, "how tha' fuck was I supposed t'know dat?"

"Humans are designed to throw up blood if they swallow too much of it. Especially if it's not ours." She spat, disgusted.

"Dat's stupid."

"You're stupid."

"What? Not muh fault ya couldn't handle it!"

"How's about you handle my boot in your ass?"

"Alright, both o' ya!" Vol'jin snapped, covering Orla's mouth, though quickly removed his hand when she started to lick it, opting to instead bop her on the nose. She grumbled as her eyes watered.

Zalazane held his hands out in surrender, returning to his journal scribbles, "we'll waylay treatin' humans fer now."

"Maybe he's just trying to kill me," Orla mused, her tone teasing, "between the soup and the potion..."

Vol'jin barely muffled a snort as the witch doctor showed them both a crude gesture. Orla snuggled closer into her bonded's fuzzy chest, breathing in his scent. "...thanks for trying anyway." she muttered.

Zalazane paused his scribbling and nodded quietly.

"...maybe next time I'll break you into stormwind's library. We'll have a grand time. Steal some books."

"Ha, deal."

Vol'jin sighed and shook his head, "like children, ya two be."

Zalazane snorted and punched the chieftain's shoulder, "don't be actin' like ya don't want ta come too. Always a good time fer’ a troll raid.”

While Vol’jin didn't reply, the grin marring his cheeks betrayed his opinion well enough.

[swampgallows]

talanji is fucking AWESOME, the loa are all cool and creative, i LOVE allthe zones in zandalar, i love the look and feel of the kul tiran zones even if one of them is rife with one of my violent physical triggers (i managed to get through it though because rexxar was with me, he knew i needed him and he never left my side), dude, rastakhan??? so fucking cool and fun, definitely a good dad character and NOT the slimy pompous dude i always imagined him as back when you used to turn in COINS AND BIJOUS TO YOJAMBA ISLE

i havent yet finished the alliance campaign but i really like it so far, i cried buckets during one of the first cinematics of jaina arriving in kul tiras, the harbingers shorts were ntohing but amazing, daughter of the sea fucking rivals disney in its cinematic quality, the tortollans are quirky and fun without being irritating one-off jokes like the insufferable murlocs or worse, the hozen, i love their littel mini game world quests, island expeditions are cool and creative, i like the idea of the scrapper because i like the idea of getting maximum potential out of my stuff (hence why i picked up skinning back in 2005, i liked ‘cleaning up’ my kills), uldir is fucking bonkers-ass wild and cool and impressive, all of the zones are fucking breathtaking, the music is fantastic, the atmospheres and sound design are incredibly immersive, drustvar is a cool little self-encapsulated zone that doesn’t veer too far from the warcraft universe while also tying the old “medieval” warcraft feel to the new crazy cosmic lore, i dont give a shit about pirates but theyre definitely fun and present for people who do, i lvoed the deepsea diving mission to retrieve the proudmoore son’s body (ive forgotten his name atm i think it’s derek? no idea), nathanos is INSUFFERABLE and it’s great he’s so consistently a fucking slimeball, saurfang has the ‘old horde’ at heart even if he’s fumbled and stumbled his way to try and get there, wherever that is, seeing teldrassil burn was fucking intense and moving and i’m so impressed that it can generate such a very visceral and strong reaction from both factions, battle of lordaeron was INCREDIBLY bleak and intense, one of the most shell-shocking moments i’ve had in wow since maybe the vanilla days, the fucking sheer expanse and vastness of the battle was so stunning

LIKE WHAT IS IT, WHAT IS WRONG?? WHERE is it that youre not having fun??? what is so flagrantly wrong

[eternalmydnyt]

So I decided its time for another one of my random peeks i give into my insanity. This is the playlist of songs on my IPhone. Some are there just because i like them but for the most part music is a form of self therapy for me, the voices find things in life which lets them feel manifest and music is a way to feel them, touch them, and communicate with them in a generally harmless environment. Plus this can give anyone who reads an glimpse into my head and my tastes

In no particular order Im going to follow this format for the list

"Title" Band

Affecting Lyrics

How it affects me

Lets begin shall we?

"Get Well" Icon For Hire

Don't tell the others but it's all getting old

I mean how many more times must our stories be told?

And being lonely's only fun in a group

It sort of loses it's charm when it's true

This is a song about someone who is tired of suffering. Someone who has decided that its time to get serious about changing for the better. The voice in my head who reacts most to this is Eleni, Eleni doesnt want to be broken anymore, doesnt want to be crazy and fractured. She is my internal caretaker and OCD. She is who i draw on when i need to get things done regardless of how i feel.

"My Name" Shinedown

My name is worthless like you told me I once was

My name is empty cause you drained away the love

My name is searching since you stole my only soul

My name is hatred and the reasons we both know

Micheal... he is so angry all the time. Angry about the past, angry about the present, angry about the future. He is my rage at a world that should be more then what it is. Micheal is the one who is most "Me" of the voices. He is the one who is the closest to being who i would if i didnt have to constantly wear a thousand masks for society. He cares about some but in general he just wants to see everyone burn until they understand his pain.

"Break In" Halestorm

You are the only one

The only one that sees me

Trusts me and believes me

You are the only one

The only one that knows me

And in the dark you show me

Yeah it's perfectly reckless

Damn you leave me defenseless

So break in

This is my song i dedicate to Francine and everything she does for me. She is one of only 3 people who I truelly trust and who knows almost everything about me. She has saved me.

"Carry on my Wayward Son" Supernatural 200th Episode Cover.

Masquerading as a man with a reason

My charade is the event of the season

And if I claim to be a wise man,

Well, it surely means that I don't know

Ok this one is just because i REALLY like it. Especially this version.

"Indestructible" Disturbed

Another reason, another cause for me to fight

Another fuse uncovered now, for me to light

My dedication to all that I've sworn to protect

I carry out my orders without a regret

Ahh Alex. He is aggressive and territorial. He isnt Angry the way Micheal is but he is more violent. He was the part of me that couldnt remember fighting back against bullies, the part which would lash out in violence against anyone who mistreated me. He was dangerous and volitile in school but he had reasons to be. He changed as I got older... now he is more of a gatekeeper. He protects the people i trust... deciding who is "Pack" and who isnt. If he doesnt accept you then I dont trust you. I dont have many in my circle but he is the one who holds the guest list. If you arent in the circle then Alex lets Micheal have you.

"Divide" Disturbed

I am a little more provocative then you might need,

It's your shock and then your horror on which I feed

So can you tell me what exactly does freedom mean,

If I'm not free to be as twisted as I wanna be

Don't wanna be another player losing in this game

I'm trying to impress upon you

We're not the same

My psychotic mentality is so unique

I'm one aggressive motherfucker

Now, wouldn't you say

Ever since Micheal became violent he has been fighting against being classified with the rest. He hates being "Just another voice" he believes he is THE voice and the others should serve him. I like Micheal alot... he is one i rely on and consider one of my closest allies because he has the strength to drown out the others when i need him to... but god he can be a self important dick sometimes.

"Without Me" Eminem

Now this looks like a job for me so everybody just follow me

'Cause we need a little controversy,

'Cause it feels so empty without me

This is another i just really like. Hell of a beat. Good music for a walk.

"Fuck Away the Pain" Divide the Day

You hate the way he fooled around behind your back

A slave to him but now with me, no strings attached

But if you wanna use me up and leave me in the bed

If that's what you need go right ahead

Ahh Gray. I was wondering when you would show up. Gray loves this song. Being eternally a teenager his greatest joys in life are Sex, Drugs, and Rock and Roll. If he could spend all his time getting high, getting laid, and playing Call of Duty he would be a happy boy. He reminds me to have fun and relax. I just wish he wasnt so pushy about it.

"Love Bites (So Do I)" Halestorm

My lips are pale and vicious.

You’re foaming at the mouth.

You’ve suffered in the darkness.

I’ll suck the pain right out.

So come and taste the reason

I’m nothing like the rest.

I kiss you in a way you’ll never forget about me.

Two Gray songs in a row. He is a firm believer that the best cure for pain is to leave it behind with fun and pleasure. Someone hurt you? Leave em behind and find something better. He doesnt get why it has to be any more complicated then that.

"Innocence" Halestorm

Is this what you wanted

Did I make your dreams come true?

You're sitting in a corner

Wondering what you got into

And you ache for things you don't understand

That your tears don't mean a thing

I only cum when you scream

Raven. I dont talk about her much. Micheal is angry and Alex is Violent but Raven enjoys it. Raven wants to inflict pain not for revenge or to protect me... she wants to inflict pain because she enjoys it. She loves the idea of having power over another person and being able to control the difference between their pleasure and their pain. finding out just what it would take to push someone to the point where the carress of fingertips and the carress of a blade provoke the same reaction... be it screams or moans. Raven came to being during a time in my life when all i did was suffer... and when all you do is suffer you find ways to enjoy even that.

"Leave it all behind" Cult to Follow

Forget the decay

And the endlessness of all of our mistakes

Forget all the blame

And the apathy

And throw it all away

Forget the Pain

Forget the Hate

Forget all your Enemies

They never will break you again

This would probobly be most associated with my serpent. He isnt vocal... he is cold and empty... armored and predatory. He is instinct and survival. He turns me off. When my emotions are more then i can handle his scales harden me and keep them out... better to feel nothing then to be overwhelmed.

"My Songs know what you did in the Dark" Fall Out Boy

A constellation of tears on your lashes

Burn everything you love, then burn the ashes

In the end everything collides

My childhood spat back out the monster that you see

Another Micheal... have i mentioned he is loud? I think one of the largest things that fuels his rage is the fact that maybe I would be so much healthier if someone had jus seen what was going on when i was a child and helped me then... no instead the schools were content just labeling me "Antisocial with Anger Control Issues and an Overactive Imagination" Fucking lazy ass socalled professionals...

"What I've Done" Linkin Park

I'll face myself

To cross out what I’ve become

Erase myself

And let go of what I’ve done

This song speaks to me but its hard to pinpoint why. Theres alot in my life i regret... Life needs a Do-over button.

"Porn Star Dancing" My Darkest Days

She wraps those hands around that pole

She licks those lips and off we go

She takes it off nice and slow

Because that's pornstar dancin'

Gray loves this song... not only for its literal lyrics bot also for the fact he has convinced himself its one long ass Blowjob analogy.

"Runnin" Adam Lambert

'Round and around I'd go, addicted to the numb

Living in the cold

The higher, the lower the down, down, down

Sick of being tired and sick of waiting

For another kind of fix

The damage is damning me down, down, down

Love this song... Speaks to me but at the same time it is one that im not sure who in my head reacts most. It just makes me happy.

"Save Yourself" My Darkest Days

You’re the perfect drug when it hurts like hell

I've never needed anyone so much

There’s no-one else I love and I curse myself

Cause the right thing is to give you up

I’m overcome by shame cause I can never change

And you can never understand my sickness

(I’ll never understand my sickness)

This is a Micheal. He is angry and violent and seeks pain on others... but there are people he cares about. He doesnt want to hurt them but he cant change what he is. So I try to keep him tempered with the lighter voices despite him being by far my strongest.

Bah i'm gonna stop here. Theres a few more songs on the list but they are mostly just because i really enjoy the sound of em. Ill put them in a quick list.

"I am Murloc" Elite Tauren Chieftain

"Bad Girlfriend" Theory of a Deadman

"Careless Whisper" Seether

"Chicken with a Train" Cowboy Troy

"Swing" Trace Adkins

"I dont Dance" High School Musical (Dont judge me!)

"Let it Go" Frozen (Dont you dare fucking Judge me lol)

[moria-rants]

Angry Rant

So, I’m putting this out there. This will not be a happy rant. This will be an angry rant, and if you are easily offended, you are advised to turn away from this post. Like seriously, it will not be nice.

OKAY! SO..

What is up with nobles on the Alliance? I can’t say much for horde as I barley see them, but Alliance. Just what the ever loving fuck are you doing? Like okay, let me step back. Maybe I don’t know what WoW Nobility is supposed to be like. Maybe I’m hooked too much on stories of King Arthur, and Disney Princesses, and Anastasia, but, I know one thing. The higher your rank, the more people are to respect you. What do Alliance nobles do? The opposite. For the last two years, I have watched noble rp grow and expand, have its ups and downs, but there were a few things that never set right with me. 1. Peoples choices in land. 2. How they addressed issues. 3. How they spoke to other nobles. 4. How they acted as their nobility rank. Like let me make this clear, I am no expert. I cannot say with 100% certainty that this is how nobles should be. I will repeat that.

I am NO expert. I cannot say how you should RP a noble!

However, I want to address these topics above. Lets start with the land issue. So yea, a lot of people like Roleplaying Nobles, and saying their land is around x,y, and z. Cool beans, you do you. However I have to bring to question when you choose lands that are clearly not human held as your choice. Like Stranglethorn, Tanaris, Hinterlands, so on and so forth. To my knowledge, the seven kingdoms very in region and location but are safely known amongst the wow universe, even in its destroyed state. Stranglethorn is an untamed jungle, that the kingdom of Stormwind has just sent small incursions into to look for resources and so forth. It is contested territory as the trolls of the Gurubashi fight to defend THEIR LANDS. The orcs and Goblins have also set up amongst that land. But again, it is Gurubashi Land (Feel free to reply to this and tell me if I missed a piece of lore stating otherwise). Hinterlands is contested between the Dwarves of Aerie Peak and the Trolls that live there. This, to the Alliance, is known as Wildhammer Lands and is recognized as such. So why would Wildhammer dwarves give land and permit HUMAN NOBLES to make calls on their land? They wouldn’t, to my knowledge. Sure they may give land to house the humans, as they are allies and friends, but they would not give them the power to build armies and attack the lands threats which could prove dangerous for the dwarves. Tanaris now, is a tricky one. There isn’t a lot of lore defining humans and when they got there. The only city there is a goblin ran town of Gadgetzan. However, there are Tanari Wastelanders, which would allow for Humans to be born and raised in Tanaris. I can see the Wastelanders having their own hierarchy. However, their hierarchy would not be acknowledged by the Alliance or any known human kingdom. Wastelanders are just bandits and pirates, they have their own rules and ranks, but they are not acknowledged by Stormwind, Gilneas, or any other human kingdom. The closest one I can think of accepting them as any form of nobility would be Kul’tiras, and even then, that’s a stretch. I will state this again, I may not know all the information, if you can point to me information stating otherwise, I will happily take it and understand!

On to the next topic. How they address issues. Now I know that not everyone is all about politics. It’s not a very fun business unless you are coming out on top, so I understand how it is. This is the cause of a lot of stress and argument. With that said, I don’t understand the mindset about when it comes to issues that nobles face. There aren’t a lot of wars between nobles, which would be an obvious thing to happen, what with land grabs and control. But the main one that really bothers me, is the lack of care for the issues in their region. Like sure, all nobles care about Westfall and its poverty. And all Arathi, Lordaeron, and Gilnean nobles care about beating back the Forsaken and reclaiming their lands. But what about the other lands? Sure Elwynn is tranquil and at first glance doesn’t have any problems... until you think. They have massive gnoll, murloc, kobold, and bandit issues. The guard is spread thin and rarely is able to fully deal with the problem. Yet I have yet to hear of any Elwynn Noble that has thought about rallying together to raise money for the Clergy in Northshire Abbey, or clearing out Gnoll or Kobold camps. Sure they suppress the murlocs and bandits, but that isn’t all there is! Then lets look at Darkshire. Yea there’s worgen and undead problems! But there’s also the Riders! You know, the ones in Legion that you had to fight their leader to get your Artifact Weapon? They are still out there! They are harassing the village! Why not deal with them? Why not raise funds to try and find a way to remove the curse that leaves the land shrouded in darkness? What about Redridge? All the destruction that John Keeshan left behind in his wake. Why is there no fundraisers to repair the total damage he did? He literally BLEW UP an entire valley! He destroyed countless buildings that were attempted to be reclaimed! He fricken murdered a dude in a fight club! Like why are the Redridge nobles not trying to repair the damage done? ESPECIALLY When you do the quests you discover that Redridge has a lack of guards to defend the place. Why are nobles not setting up groups to defend Redridge? Why is there no Redridge Council or whatever to protect the region? It’s all swept under the rug like it didn’t happen and nothing is wrong. Like sure, sure. I am sure plenty of nobles write in their stories that they are defending against the threat or sending troops to the current war against whatever. But when was the last time they did any fundraising to get people aware and support their civilians?

Noble on Noble action. Let’s get down to that. So again, I know World of Warcraft is different, so maybe different social interactions are there. But, I’m pretty sure, that if a noble of substantial wealth and power spoke to you, then you told them to fuck off and flipped them the finger, I don’t think you’re noble-ing right. Like Duke is the highest you can be as a noble in Roleplay without being a damn Prince or Princess. If a Lowly Knight Lord told a Duke to shove it cause he doesn’t know shit about the battlefield, then yea he would get his ass beat cause that’s like telling the King to kiss your ass as a baker. It’s not socially acceptable! Like from the top down its Duke/Duchess, Marquis, Count/Countess, Baron/Baroness, Lord/Lady. Once more I state, I do not know 100% and could be incorrect. But like seriously. Would you go up to your boss and flip him the bird cause he told you something you didn’t like? No, cause it’s not acceptable behavior! When you talk to someone of higher ranking, you’re supposed to address them as such in proper manners and be polite and elegant and well-mannered. Salute, bow, call them Your Lordship or Your Highness. Like okay, if a Duke said its okay to call them by their first name, then that’s what you do. But upon first meeting? HELL FUCKING NO!

Which brings me to how people act as their nobility rank. I am sorry, but why on earth would a noble of any standing openly and publicly go out to a brothel? Better question, why would you arrange a political marriage (Which nobles would most assuredly do) just to have some huge dramatic break off scene so they can run away with their “one true love” who is some lowblood? Like, I know that sounds horrible to say, but its so overdone. And truthfully? Most families would probably stripe you of your access to their wealth if you broke off a political marriage. Like, just saying. Like yes it is your character, and yea its your story. But like, why the overdone trope? Sure its World of Warcraft, where even nobles learn to fight and do alchemy and magic. But that doesn’t change their social standing and the expectations they are supposed to uphold. Like I just don’t get it. Sure tropes are fun, like a lot of fun to do. But when it’s overdone, it loses the flavor. Especially when you guys can’t even add a twist or variety on it cause you’re too afraid to face consequences of your actions. Which is ironic since most of you complain about criminal and villain rpers who don’t want to take consequences for their actions.

Finally, I will state. I might be wrong. Hell I might be bloody stupid and not realize it cause I lack knowledge of one subject or another. If you wish to discuss it with me and point out that “Oh well, what if was like this? Or maybe you didn’t think about X being B.” Like I am all for it. I will gladly discuss, but if you come at me with the “You’re a fucking dumb bitch who’s just trying to control my RP, I hope Blizzard bans you.” Well good sir, then I will ignore you and continue my discussion with those who want to inform me of why I may not be understanding things.

Let me know if I missed some heavy lore piece, or that maybe I’m not on the right side of the server and missed a bunch of events or such that cleared most of these problems! Love you all. Have a fantastic day.

[hungoverneveragain]

spirit desire... we will fall.

hello again.

i need to tidy up my room. i’m looking around me and my room is a pig sty. what’s been up with me, you ask? well, i thought i was fired for like... two days. i called out sick twice because i was genuinely ill and contagious and then my boss never fucking told me i was taken off the schedule so i showed up (still sick) and was told i was replaced for the next few shifts. without even being made aware. my boss is a fucking imbecile. she doesn’t ever communicate with me, or any employee, for that matter... and somehow she manages two stores. which, by the way, the assistant manager for the other store texted me and asked me to come in because she needed help and then never gave me a fucking time. so i just didn’t show up. i’m not gonna bend over backwards for people who refuse to exercise basic communication skills. 

other than that, nothing cool has happened. i still have a weird crush on my friend, i joined a new d&d campaign... OH! that’s new! the d&d campaign. i left my old one because the DM is a fucking idiot and was not doing any of the things a DM should have been doing so in the middle of the call i just hung up and left. i couldn’t do it anymore. but my friend Murloc decided he wanted to DM and his worldbuilding is going really well so far. i can tell hes’s into it and that it’s gonna be a fun time. i’m confident he’ll do a good job. my new character is a Faun named Oskar Vorrowhill and he’s a Warlock. not sure yet of the subclass but i’ll get back to you on that. i’m very fucking excited to play. 

anyway, i’m watching Death Note again for the billionth time, so i’m going to wrap this up by TAKING A POTATO CHIP..... AND EATING IT.

[wowheadquarters]

Interview with Garrosh

Q: Why did you do what you did during the siege of Orgrimmar?

Garrosh: What exactly are we talking about here? Garrosh: Using heart of Y’Shaarj seemed as a good idea. I admit it wasn’t, but in my defense, no one knew it would blow up the Valley. I just needed a power core. Garrosh: It was supposed to kick up the engines and power up warriors as well to defeat the damned Alliance and what was left of tthe Scourge, the bloody Zandalari and their followers, blasted Murlocs, and...  Garrosh: Azeroth was Horde’s for taking. Just look at the Elves and Humans what they had done to it. They don’t deserve that world! We were promised a better world after ours was destroyed by Gul’dan and the Legion. We need home. We can’t live on Outland, the spirits are abandoning it, it will never heal. And Azeroth is free, most of the races are too stupid and love to destroy it. Which is... Illogical. Garrosh: Most of the Horde races could live in peace with the spirits on Azeroth without destroying the world. Even the Trolls, despite I don’t like them much. Of course we couldn’t have a peaceful life when the Alliance was still trying to kill us all. Garrosh: If you want peace for the future generations, you need to fight now.

Q: What is it like raising 37 ghost children? 

Garrosh: It’s... exhausting. But rewarding.

Q: How do you feel about the Death Knights? 

Garrosh: I don’t like Death Knights. There were Death Knights in the old Horde. Gorefiend, maybe you remember? You could have met him in what was left of Shadowmoon Valley. Garrosh: A lot of things in the old Horde was bad. Death Knights among them. And nothing about them had improved. Even worse, most of them now aren’t Orcs. Orcs are at least a little trustworthy. Garrosh: It doesn’t help knowing the Scourge wanted me to be a Death Knight as well.

Q: What's your favorite type of cake?

Garrosh: I um... Don’t cake much actually. Cakes aren’t an ORc thing, you know. Maybe some... Berry cake?

Q: Soooo, what is there to do in the afterlife? Aside taking care of 37 ghost children ofc (where they came from btw?).

Garrosh: That’s the bad part about being dead. Nothing to do. It’s... boring. Garrosh: As for where they came from... That differs a lot. Garrosh: Gormak, Goruma and Ganan all come from the alternate Draenor. They died in various events upon froming and maintaing the Iron Horde. Garrosh: I know that Gwen died upon the attack on Theramore. And Gabrielle was in Warsong Offensive. I think I have seen Ga’bra in Orgrimmar few times, so I suppose he died either during the revolution or when it came to dealing with Trolls. Garrosh: But there are plenty of them I have to idea where they came from, liek Gnaw, Gruk, Gerard, Gizzele, Gabe, Grll or Glue.

Q: Are you jealous that Varian gets to be the ghost wolf?

Garrosh: No. I never liked wolves much anyway. I mean sure, they are useful but... There are better animals.

Q: Is there anything you miss from the world of the living?

Garrosh: There are few people I’d like to see again. But then I realize they wouldn’t like to see me. So no. Not really.

Q: Why are you too stupid to believe in strength other than brute force?

Garrosh: Alright, listen here. I know exactly what you think. You think me for a warrior who doesn’t use brain. And that is wrong. You can’t fight without thinking. That’s a suicide. Especially when you are responsible not only for yourself but other people too. Garrosh: The Orcs have two kinds of strength. The strength of warriors and the strength of shamans. Each works differently. Garrosh: Do I seem like a shaman to you? Garrosh: You might have not noticed what happens when I use anything else than brute force. I am quite sure the Pandarens are still quite upset about it. It’s not like I don’t believe in other kinds of strength. I just don’t think they work for me.

Q: What is your problem with Trolls? They served in Northrend like anybody else

Garrosh: Are we talking about the creepy, sneaky, blood thirsty, man-eating voodoo zealots that shouldn’t be allowed near anything sharp, stoned nearly all day, always ready to stab someone in their back, worshipping weird gods who let heads explode Trolls? These Trolls you mean? Garrosh: Aside from this... Nothing.

Q: So Garrosh, how does it feel to be in Heroes of the Storm?

Garrosh: It’s actually pretty awesome. Garrosh: And I like that girl... D.va is her name? She is a born warrior.

Q: Will you be adopting anymore ghost children?

Garrosh: Maybe. If I find some.

Q: What do you regret most, now that you're dead?

Garrosh: I should have eaten more chocolate in my life. When I came to Azeroth, chocolate was something extraordinary, amazing and new. I always saved it for special occasions, I never ate chocolate just because I could. I should have done that. I should have make moments special by eating chocolate, not celebrate special moments by chocolate. Advice from me: Life is short, eat chocolate whenever you want to. Garrosh: Also I am still kind of bitter I never head a death match with Vol’jin. Fucking liar that Troll. He promised to kill me and where was he at Nagrand, huh? I am still kind of expecting to pop up somewhere alive again just so we can fight each other to death. Garrosh: That would be awesome, actually.

Q: How do you deal with 37 (38 count Liam) ghost children?

Garrosh: They are pretty cool children, honestly. As dead they don’t eat. So it’s a lot of games and sleep. We often play War or we made our own Hearthstone cards. They love me. Somehow. I have no idea why.

Q: How is being stuck in the afterlife with one of the most despicable people and knowing that your kids love him?

Garrosh: It feels... Weird. IT gets only weirder when I realize that me and Vol’jin are... Well... We actually can get along. Garrosh: Imagine it as meeting the neighborhood bully twenty years later and finding out they are actually an okay person who shares a lot of interests with you. Garrosh: And about the kids... They love me too. Plus it’s that Troll who is called mom, not me.

Q: How do you feel about Anduin being the new king of the Alliance now that Varian kicked the bucket?

Garrosh: You know... It really is not my problem now, is it? Garrosh: Who knows. Maybe that kid is competent. Let’s hope for his own good he doesn’t catch the Famous Father syndrome. Not because I like him, I just know it is a shit.

Q: What's the most embarrassing thing you've ever done?

Garrosh: Aside from losing to Thrall? And bunch of stupid heroes? Garrosh: Back in Garadar there was a phase when I couldn’t sleep unless someone sang to me. That was very embarrassing.

Q: Hey Garrosh, if you could be reborn into anything what would it be?

Garrosh: You say “could”. Does that mean I don’t have to? Garosh: But if I had to... I’d return as a tree. An oak.

[severalbakuras]

i have made it.... i can watch the first episode of season threeeee.

i might do one episode a day to make it feel like less time until s4 comes out.

here we goooo

no new intro pffffff

red space best space

the beep noise kinda sounds like a heart monitor.

allura my girl <3

good speech coran

that’s a lot of blades are they like the shock troops for voltron now? are they robotic?

WE ARE FIGHTING DREAMERS TAKAMI WO MEZASHITE

another sick slow mo shot for lance (he looks like seasick after tho with all those blue lines)

THAT’S MY MAN HUNK

slightly less impressive alien designs like just spikes and doggie ears but at least they’re colourful.

‘oh hunk!’ joke counter: 1

wait so how long has it been since season 2 then bc kolivan seems surprised to learn that they can’t form voltron anymore like dude you know this right?? you should’ve had the ‘this cannot stand!!’ thing before this mission i think??

i feel like this suspicion towards the blades is not going to end well.

why do i feel like pidge hasn’t slept for weeks.

ARE THOSE KAMINA GLASSES CORAN

noah fence pidge but i don’t think matt would be happy to know you weren’t safe at home with mum just sayin

‘oh hunk!’: 2

keeeith ;A; TELL US HOW HE MET SHIRO I WANNA KNOW

HAGGAR BABE

“but he totally needs me looming over him it’s not creepy”

oOOH NEW GIRL. and she can stealthmode interesting.

i don’t think this counts as an oh hunk moment cooking is good encouraging boys to cook is good. (i know the #discourse on professional/celebrity chefs skewing male and shit but like for normal kids it’s a life skill that isn’t taught enough and especially to boys so yeah)

just... a galaxy? that is a v. small empire like i know galaxies are Huge but you could try harder zarkon sargeras has most of the universe down or on his side at this point along with like all the gods who created it (until they need a filler raid/instance boss lol).

fuck i should write my au thoughts on a warcraft crossover at some point i want some poor unlucky galra soldiers to crash into ice crown and find out why you don’t want to build anything out of saronite. i want allura (and coran) to meet velen and they can connect to him as a fellow leader escaping genocide and i want pidge and hunk to lose their minds at all the magi-tech and gnome vs goblin technology ‘war’. idk what lance and keith would do i guess keith would see if there’s any blacksmiths on azeroth who might’ve encountered a blade like his although he’s kind of the spelunking exploring type i bet either the explorer’s league or the reliquary would happily poach him to check out titan ruins. lance would probably... idk my first instinct is that he’d head to goldshire on the basis of considering himself a Cool Dude with an interest in cute girls but he’d probably take two selfies right at the front door to the inn and then immediately leave and spend the night sat by the lake feeding murlocs.

did i mention that some of my favourite aliens were the ones who had organic bodies and robotic voices or was it vice versa either way more of those please.

well keith’s not wrong tbh. tone’s harsh but he’s lost like The Most Important person in the world to him so i can’t blame him for getting upset. like also this dude asks to see voltron like he’s asking to see the new wheels on his coworker’s car or something.

and like. they do need to fight for themselves too like the symbol can live forever but even before they could form voltron it couldn’t be everywhere at once. voltron’s a robot he rusts and corrodes probably one day he will need to go to a space garage for his MOT or to fix his tail light and everyone will have to take care of themselves for a while.

so public opinion of haggar is not good if these two highly ranked generals are chitchatting in a galran sports bar.

exiled? lotor what did you do.

‘he fights alongside his men and isn’t entirely racist ugh what a twat’

(i’m not denying that he’s a twat because look at his fucking design and ‘permitting’ conquered worlds to live in pretty much the same way as they did pre-conquering was exactly what gengis khan did to keep control of his territories iirc i’m just saying these guys sound so petty hahaha)

he’s prettyyyy. fucking shit goddamnit. i hope you have beefy friends for me to love bc i have enough problematic prettyboy faves.

(fuckin give me some problematic prettygirl girls and beefy girls one day all i have for the latter is jasper and all i have for the former is sylvanas)

got that kingly presence i’ll give him th WHAT WAIT NO. WARCRAFT ORCS. LIKE ALL THIS HONOR IN COMBAT AND MIGHT = RIGHT AND HOW BEING A SNEAKY BINT IS SHITTY ETC ETC. dude heralds the warsong.

lotor you better not start any mak’goras i’ll be watching you.

(i’ll stop with the warcraft now)

(that’s a lie)

DREAMWORKS... HOW DID YOU KNOW...

hey invisigirl

can’t tell if the cat’s the general with their meat puppet or a cool faceless alien or an alien with a mask

youuuuu look like keith. like dead to rights that’s styled hair blue keith with lipstick.

lotor is possibly the most anime of the whole cast at this point.

he’s got lines under his eyes like he just wants to go to bed and honestly #mood

oh you sneaky bitch lotor. now how did he meet those four i wonder they seem to like him on a personal level given by the smiles. like they’re all stated to be half-galra kinda. so our options are the unpleasant garona halforcen-esque one which makes the galra Really Fucked Up (probably not) or the lotor style conquering which is Still Kinda Fucked Up (this one is the discourse bait and a little more likely) or like lotor tracks down civilian populations of galra on non-galra home planets that might not even know there’s a war going on all the way on the other side of the galaxy and recruit from there.

like say............... EARTH, MAYBE????????????

(LISTEN LOTOR MAKES A POINT OF STOCKING HIS TEAM WITH HALF GALRA PEOPLE.)

(KEITH IS HALF GALRA.)

(i’m just SAYIN.)

(d. do i ship lotor and keith. am i one of Those People. i mean i have my ot4 of keith/shay/allura/hunk which is The Best (and i’m literally the only person who ships that so my city now) but i’m allowed one incredibly shit ship per fandom right?)

(what is the ship name i hope it’s leith so i can make leaf puns but it might already be in use as an alternative to klance)

(can’t be as bad as jaina/garrosh right?????)

be still my heart is dreamworks going to let keith and lance have an emotional moment without immediately throwing a joke about it in afterwards?

... kinda? it’s a good step for lance but i don’t think it really helps keith out. like ‘oh man wasn’t shiro the best? now i didn’t know him anything like you did and i totally hero-worshipped him and i think this is what he’d think’.

allura gets it though good job a+ mirroring his words to pidge back when she tried to leave voltron too iirc.

new black paladin im not.... ready,.,.,.,.,..,,,.

[entergamingxp]

Five of the Best: Jokes • Eurogamer.net

Five of the Best is a weekly series about the incidental details we don’t celebrate enough. We’ve talked about all kinds of things so far from Game Over screens to Scares and Villains – there’s a whole Five of the Best archive if you’re interested. But there’s so much more to talk about too.

Five of the Best works like this. Various Eurogamer writers (and friends) share memories and then you – probably outraged we haven’t included the thing you’re thinking of – can share that thing you’ve been thinking of in the comments below. Then we all have a lovely chat about it. Your collective memory has never failed to amaze us – don’t let it stop now!

What’s your favourite joke – Aliens: Colonial Marines? No, no, I don’t mean that. But what is your favourite joke? Do you have one? I can never think of one when someone asks. I cheated and had to Google one. Try this: What do pirates say when they turn 80? Go on, guess. “Aye matey!” Good, isn’t it? How about: Why did Beethoven get rid of his chickens? All they said was “Bach Bach Bach”. Or maybe: How do you make a tissue dance? Put a little boogie in it!

I think the point here is that I shouldn’t write jokes, but thankfully there are funnier people writing them in games so I don’t have to, so here’s to laughing, here’s to jokes, and here are five of the best. Happy Friday one and all!

Monkey Island magic

I encountered Monkey Island so early on in my life that I sort of expected all games to be as witty and elegant as this one was. But there is one joke right at the end that absolutely blew my tiny mind.

The game’s over and the baddie is defeated. The hero and the governor are watching fireworks in the sky – a classic victory scene. You still have dialogue options though. And what options.

“Just goes to show,” I chose, or words to that effect.

“Just goes to show what?”

“Never pay more than twenty dollars for a video game.”

Okay. Already funny. But we’re not done.

“What’s a video game?” asks the governor.

“I don’t know,” I reply. “I don’t know why I said that.”

META.

-Donlan

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World of Warcraft gets silly

World of Warcraft – have I gone mad?! No, well, I don’t think so but then I would say that. WoW isn’t known as a funny game, although if you factor in the people you play with, it can be hilarious. Back when the game launched there was a Eurogamer guild on Bloodscalp called Elite Guard (shit name but it had the initials EG) and the guild chat was hilarious. I’d never laughed so hard at, effectively, a chat room. And the laughs kept on coming over many more weeks and months. Happy days.

But that’s not why I’ve listed World of Warcraft here. It’s here because of the jokes characters tell. If you type the command /silly into the chat box and press enter, the character you’re playing tells a joke. There are hundreds of them, a handful for each race and sex combo.

For instance, the undead male character – my main – would say, in a gravelly, sardonic voice: “Roses are gray, violets are gray, I’m dead and colorblind.” I nearly spat my coffee out when I first heard it. He also might say: “Hey diddle diddle, the mucous and the spittle. The corpse sank in the lagoon. The murloc said ‘mmmmm’ to see such a sight, and the dwarf spanked the baboon.”

This blew my mind. I cannot overemphasise how different, how alive, how charismatic this felt after coming from mute MMOs like Dark Age of Camelot. Characters didn’t do anything of the kind there, they had no voice. And I tell you what, I stood in that Undead starting area in Deathknell for ages doing nothing but standing still and telling myself jokes, lapping it up, cackling at every one.

-Bertie

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Skip to 5.40 for the Undead male jokes. They still make me laugh!

Assassin’s Creed 2 plumbs the depths

Modern day Assassin’s Creed games are – among all those sweeping, expensive-looking vistas and blockbuster action set-pieces – wonderfully warm, witty things, graced with ample charm and good humour. That’s generally been the case since the thigh-slapping high seas adventure of Black Flag, of course, but before that – based on my admittedly hazy memories of the earlier games, at least – you’d be lucky to encounter even the slightest moment of whimsy in what was an often unwaveringly po-faced and rather self-important series.

So imagine my surprise when – after the interminable, joy-free drudgery of the original game, and the somewhat mirthless opening hours of its Renaissance-Italy-set sequel – Assassin’s Creed 2 suddenly, and out of nowhere, let rip with a moment of sublime silliness. I might even go as far as to call it the greatest video game joke of all time, but I suspect it only left such an unshakeable impression because it had all been so dreadfully serious up until then.

Partway through Assassins Creed 2, you see, beloved hero Ezio runs into his uncle out in the Italian countryside. Thrilled to see his nephew again, the jovial moustachioed gent, a local to the area, spreads his arms wide and warmly exclaims – what else? – “IT’S-A ME MARIO!”.

-Matt Wales

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Everything about Portal 2

If you asked me what I thought was the funniest video game I’ve ever played it would almost be reflex at this point to gush about the writing in Portal 2. I’ve played a lot of games with good jokes, with funny moments, but there’s nothing like Portal 2’s wall to wall dedication to making the player laugh in as many ways as possible. “We didn’t jettison everything, but I absolutely do not want to try and resurrect a three-year-old meme. That seems like it would be kind of sad. It’s not a good idea.” writer Erik Wolpaw told Gamasutra back in 2010, and he wasn’t messing around. Portal 2’s consistently quick-witted gags come from not just depth but breadth, in my humble opinion. There’s the format go-tos of slapstick and ‘random’ humour that we’re probably all a bit sick of by now but they’re intertwined with irony, meta-humour, darkly-comic scenes and self-poking jabs at the absurdity of the sights around you. All of this is then bolstered by a stellar voice acting cast with honest to god comedians like Stephen Merchant playing the companion-turned-villain Wheatley.

My favourite joke of the game concerns the villainous side of Wheatley, destroying everything around him in a fit of incompetence and arrogance at the climax of the game. He has to be taken down but just like his predecessor, his clumsy but ultimately terrifying power over the automated systems of Aperture science makes him nigh on impossible to defeat. It’s a true masterpiece of a final boss battle – sheer self indulgence and bombast with rockets flying, bits of equipment exploding all around you and a cast of ridiculous personality spheres shouting out a million jokes a minute as you pick them up and chuck them around.

This game is absolutely dedicated to its comedy and could only end in one big joke, one big deconstruction of just how ridiculous the very concept of this portal gun technology is. How terrifyingly dangerous it would be in the real world. You’ve shot portals onto more surfaces you can count but they only work when you hit something that’s painted white. Why? I have absolutely no idea, but do you know what’s really big and white? The goddamn moon. That’s how you finish a boss battles in Portal 2, you shoot the boss into fucking space.

–Michael Whelan (Dicebreaker)

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The unintentionally hilarious Heavy Rain

I’m welling up just thinking about this one. The mother of all cry-laugh inducers. Where to start? I like the cars, that bit’s very good. I love the doors – top detective, flummoxed by doors. The ice, which he can’t stand on but everyone else seems to be walking over just fine. The weird skidding around every corner! Why can’t he corner?! Why do I have to press a button to get him to go around a corner like a normal human being?! Why does it not matter if you fail to press any of the buttons?! Why are the button prompts in there in the first place if they don’t matter?! Gold. I have to assume it’s funny on purpose. It has to be – too funny not to be, too po-faced everywhere else for this bit to not stand out – and honestly the game’s so much better for it.

-Taps

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This is a serious game!

from EnterGamingXP https://entergamingxp.com/2020/07/five-of-the-best-jokes-%e2%80%a2-eurogamer-net/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=five-of-the-best-jokes-%25e2%2580%25a2-eurogamer-net

[the-wolfs-raven]

♌: what’s your family like?♍: other blogs?♎: would you date your muse?♏: would you and your muse be friends?♐: 3 things that scare you

♌: what’s your family like?

Ooh.  Boy.  Well, my dad’s pretty chill.  He was a hippy and all that.  Did a LOT of drugs in his time (which I didn’t learn about til this year.  Go figure.).  Got a bit of casual racism stuck in his humor, but he doesn’t mean any ill-will to anyone.  He’s a good guy overall.

My mother and her family, though.  Damn.  Like.  I’ve never met anyone so hateful and paranoid about the world.  Grandma turned me into a fundamentalist Christian psycho in elementary school (thankfully that got nipped in the bud in middle school).  Ma always said she’d disown us if we were gay (then did a complete 180 when my brother came out).  They’ve mellowed a bit with time, but now Grandma has Alzheimer's and is a complete psycho nut again.  Also, again with the casual racism, but they’re far more serious about it.  Typical MAGA folk.

So woo for breaking the hate cycle, I guess?

♍: other blogs?

Loads.  

@thepalewolfhowls is Tara’s daughter, Taria Fletcher.  My little lore bender.  Very angry daughter of Lo’Gosh with a fondness for orcs and punching people.  She has her own daughter now, Accalia, and a sort-of mate, Grok’tor Ironbite, a grizzled war veteran.  Taria underwent chronomantic aging to make her an adult (partially because I fucked up my timelines.  Partially because a child is an inconvenient agent and adult Taria can break so many more skulls).  She would have been around 7 years old if not for the aging, but she is fully an adult, physically, mentally, and emotionally (though her step-father may argue the latter.  lol)

@bluewolfcaravan is Tara’s trading and shop ventures.  Lots of fun stuff there when I’m not too dead to run them.  

@the-white-lioness is Ishtara Lionstar.  A Night Elf whore who originally turned Tara down the path of owning her sexuality.  She and her lions are all named for Assyrian (Mesopotamian, whatever) figures since its a good chunk of my heritage.  Lovely lion whore, basically.  

@wordhobbies is Necrocia Witherwing aka Twitchy formerly known as Sentinel Lyralel Dawnwhisper.  After a traumatic blow to the head, the elf became completely unhinged, putting herself in dangerous situations and stitching herself back together.  Though she’s never technically died, you wouldn’t know it from looking at her.  She also has...Hobbies.  Lots of hobbies.  “I asked myself, why should a murloc only have two eyes?  Why not ten?  Or TWENTY THREE?!”  …ehem…Her fascination with hobbies was actually pulled from an eccentric character from a children’s cartoon (Grandpapa Thistle from Ben and Holly’s Little Kingdom).  Occasionally, she has short periods of sanity where her hair returns to its normal state and she becomes terrified of everything that’s happened to her.  Twitchy is almost emaciated and has various scribbles, scars, tattoos, etc all over her body from just...various things.  Sometimes she needs to remember something and she’ll literally just ink it into her skin.  If she can’t find something to tattoo herself with, she’ll just carve it on.  She’s extremely difficult to play for a long period of time because she just requires SO much energy.

@obscure-snowdrop is my little Shadow Whisperer bookworm who I made specifically to join the Crows.  She began hearing whispers at a young age and they keep her relatively sane despite her horrific life.  If wards or any such thing silence the whispers, she goes into a fit as everything that has worn on her over time coalesces in one fell swoop.

@snaythes These were my spook family from many fandoms back.  They are hemomancers of sorts with various quirks.  The eldest brother builds furniture from human parts.  One brother is a butcher who specializes in cannibalistic delicacies.  One brother, who had his heart broken, incorporates unused bodies into their home’s décor.  His ex-fiancée currently serves as a chandelier in the living room (I realize the irony).  The only sister is a painter who works with macabre and lascivious subjects.  She and the eldest brother have an...unconventional relationship.  The youngest brother is the most tame, and doesn’t really share his family’s penchant for violence and murder.

@korbintavernack aka Nix is a Blacktalon agent who worked closely with Taria in the past.  He’s a brawler and a magebreaker with enough wards to silence any magical activity in a 20 foot radius around himself.  He’s also responsible for the warding on Taria’s mind making her resistant to mental attacks and manipulation.

@theunkindness is an organization of (traditionally only Kaldorei) assassins and thieves who take morally upright contracts overall (killing bad folk like slavers, abusers, etc).  Tara is a part of the Unkindness and still communicates with several of her old contacts.

@winterscalesheir is the original Warhammer 40k Tarvasha.  She is the complete opposite of WoW Tara and I have no idea how it happened.  The bastard daughter of Rogue Trader Calligos Winterscale, she’s determined to find the Baleful eye of Sebastian Winterscale and cement herself among her father’s bloodline.

♎: would you date your muse?

I mean, if I had to date someone, Tara would be a pretty high reach for me.  I think I’d feel way too inferior to actually date someone like her, though I’d shower the poor girl with affection.  We’d probably try to outdo each other in gift-giving and kind gestures.  However, Tara is more heteroromantic, as am I, so even given the chance, it probably wouldn’t work.  lol

♏: would you and your muse be friends?

I think we’d make decent friends.  I don’t like the upkeep that comes with friendships and Tara tends to disappear a lot, so I think that would work out just fine in the end.

♐: 3 things that scare you 

Someone breaking into my house.  Seems kinda specific, but here’s the thing:  I have a shit fight or flight response, even when my kids are involved (I once left them in the backyard as I was running away from a wasp).  This is partially due to the fact that I was terrified of SIDS, so I didn’t allow myself to bond with my kids when they were born.  A lot of people I know are like “Yeah, I’d bust someone’s ass if they ever tried to touch my kids” but honestly, I feel like I’d probably run like a bitch and hate myself forever for it.  But who knows?  Maybe I’d pick up a floor lamp and fucking wreck someone’s day?  I’d rather not find out one way or the other.

Losing my technology.  I live through screens.  All of my memories are contained in my tech and on the web.  I’m terrified that I’d lose those things.  I’ve already had a phone run over and lost all of my children’s baby photos and videos.  I have very little memory of those times, so losing that was pretty heartbreaking for me.

Apocalypse.  Any sort of end-of-the-world bullshit where you’ve gotta figure out how to survive.  A lot of my friends have bug out bags and everything else but my oldest is a Type 1 diabetic.  If the places producing insulin suddenly stop, I have no way to keep my daughter alive.  It’ll be cyanide pills for the lot of us.

Thanks for the ask @latildarommel!  Sorry it got so heart-wrenching at the end.  lol