#then again this is the guy that rolled a nat 20 on deception and got away with claiming a blank canvas is Rafayel's newest masterpiece

[magical-regical]

So why does Thomas of all people get his own fully rendered character model?

I get why Tara and Captain Jenna get full models because the former is closely tied to MC much like Caleb and Grandma Josephine is (could it mean that MC sees Tara as family? That would be adorable if she does) and Captain Jenna may or may not be plot relevant since she knows MC and Xavier.

Thomas is neither of those things. He appears in a single chapter and then we don't see him again until he has to get Rafayel a boat.

Look at him.

Take off that fancy jacket and he goes from gallery curator to first year CompSci student.

[jq37]

The Case File – Mice and Murder Ep 4

The Case of the Puzzling Painting 

Welcome back to Loam Hall where our Sylvan Sleuths are still hanging out in a room with a dead body. When we left off, Gangie had been snooping into Sly’s conversation about Fletcher Cottonbottom and now, he uses his Criminal Contacts feature to see what he knows, if anything, about a recent return. With a 26 he knows that his family used to be well respected but after the whole business with the insurance fraud and Sly busting it, the family kind of fell out of favor. So Fletcher was in a weird position where he was rich and a part of high society and had enough dirt on everyone to get them to do things for him but couldn’t actually show his face because he was disgraced. Gangie also knows that it’s rumored that Fletcher’s weapons running scheme was actually a front for moving art. 

With regard to more recent news about Fletcher, Gangie was never in direct contact with him but he knows that 3-4 years ago, his most trusted henchmen started going missing--people attributed it to some kind of “Cottonbottom Curse” and that rumor is part of why Gangie decided to get out of dodge in the first place.

Buck does an insight check on the rest of the PCs and, with an 18, doesn’t clock anyone there as especially suspicious (Lars isn’t there but like..it’s Lars). Ian tries to give Squire Badger his last rites but ends up pulling the knife out, putting it back in, flapping blood everywhere with his feathers, and sending Constance into a badger rage. Buck tries to help smooth over things, claiming his big screw up was a new style of avant garde church ritual (Ian appreciates the support--who ministers to the ministers, you know?) and in the process sees his knife for the first time. Which, you know. He obviously suspected before but never nice to see.

While this is going on, Daisy sneaks off to try and check on the secret door and everyone sees her do it/eventually follows her but we’ll get back to her once we check in with Lars who is en route to the kitchen. Once in the hallway, they do a perception check and, on a 15, there are 3 doors and Ally gets to pick one. There’s a kitchen where Gilfoyle is talking to a group, a door where someone is crying behind it, and a door where they can hear nothing. Ally, the galaxy brained genius, goes for the quiet door. That’s the money door and with their ears pressed against the door, they can hear Edwina and Carolyn--the two mice maids that overheard Buck’s conversation with the Badger--whispering about what happened there and wondering if they should pay back the money they were paid to by Buck.

Gilfoyle walks out and sees Lars snooping but on a Nat 20 deception check, Lars is able to play dumb and skate by suspiciousness. Also, with a dirty 20 perception check, when the mice maids leave, Lars sees that they’ve been stealing silverware. 

OK, back to Daisy who is getting to the séance room as quickly as possible. She has two rounds before people catch up to her so she’s trying to make the most of it by Investigating the painting she noticed was bolted to the wall earlier. She first rolls an 11, getting no new information. This is so frustrating to her. She’s good at this dammit! But being around Sly is rattling her terribly. She has feelings for him--strong ones. But she isn’t herself around him. How can she be with him if he makes her so unlike herself? Her introspection is enough to earn her advantage from Brennan on her second roll and boom! 25! Daisy is back. 

With that roll, she notices that the eyes in the painting actually move and can be used as a spying post on the other side. Then Sly runs in and they start bickering immediately. Daisy throws a crystal ball at him and absolutely brains him on a nat 20--the first combat roll of this very RP oriented season. 

Buck and Ian are still in the room with the body for the moment and Buck asks Ian about the first few names on the list Gangie gave him. There were a bunch of members of the Burrows family--a working class family that all died of a consumptive illness. And then the Diggories who died in a carriage accident. The connecting thread? All badgers. Buck then zooms away to follow Daisy, Ian follows, and Lars, seeing them as they leave the kitchens, also follows. 

So all the PCs are in the séance room now and they kinda have the sense of, “OK y’all, we’re all screwed but we’re al screwed together so we better throw our lot in with each other and start working together so we don’t die because no one else here is on our side.” Buck proposes an alliance and they all agree to share info. Sly asks about Buck’s knife and Buck admits it’s his but says he didn’t do it. Sly believes him--not because he wouldn’t do it but because he has no motive (that he knows about anyway. Buck doesn’t spill about the contract). 

Gangie shares the list of names from before with the whole group.It’s like half badgers and then some other critters (full list here). Sly doesn’t share any of his secret info Grant got texted. Daisy and Buck don’t share about the key (though Sly you’ll remember sat her steal it). Buck does however mention his suspicion about the fact that Gilfoyle wasn’t around when Squire Badger gave his speech and Daisy does the same about the fact that he said he would call the cops but the cops haven’t arrived yet. Lar’s remembers that Jez’s husband is gunning for at seat in parliament and wonders if this is related somehow. Daisy mentions the eyes in the painting and everyone is like way to bury the lede dude! Especially when they’ve just all spilled their secrets. Everyone checks on the painting and with a 25 Gangie can intuit that this is probably used to spy on rich people when they’re mid-séance and vulnerable and spilling secrets (which he doesn’t share but Daisy comes to a similar conclusion on her own). Buck on a 23 can smell ledgers (idk how but the DM said so and I’m reporting it) and guesses that that’s where the Squire’s real office is which means that’s probably where the contract he needs to find and destroy is too. 

 The group makes a list of their loose ends which are what’s on the other side of the painting, what’s up with Fletcher, and the smell of ozone. Plus Ian remembers that the date on the bust in the study is wrong and shares with the class. 

Lars tries to get to the other side of the room by ripping the painting off the hinges with a very impressive 26 but there is fully a wall behind it and the noise brings Gilfoyle, Harding, and the Badger kids running. Lars notes that in the stone behind the painting it says “⅓”  and then hurriedly puts the painting back. Daisy thinks that might refer to a secret third floor or basement accessible by the elevator (but my first thought was that there were 2 other spying paintings in the house somewhere).

Everyone in the room hears the Gilfoyle and co. coming and try to act natural. There is a group stealth check that they all tank so heavily that all the suspicious staff and kids need to do to suss them out is roll above a 5.

AND THEY ROLL A TWO. 

With that, Lucretia appears, totally buys that they’re doing very important spiritual work in there, and in fact guards the door for them. They use the privacy bought by their very vigilant sentry to plan their next steps. Sly, Daisy, and Ian will check out the study while they rest of them check out the elevator. As they exit, Lucretia asks if they got the answers they needed out of the spirits.

Oh yes, says Daisy, echoing Lucretia’s nonsense prediction from last episode. Either something good or bad might happen. Either way, I’m excited! 

Case Notes

How baller of a player move is it to say a line so poignant that the DM is forced to let you roll with advantage? I have been on the other side of that as the DM and it’s so great. MAD respect to Rekha for that. AND THEN THE DICE COOPERATED. You simply love to see it. 

The other best Rekha line is Daisy to Sly upon being called out about stealing the key in his normal, coy, quippy way: You saw me bitch.

Shout out to Grant also for being constantly on as Sly. The guy is on point always. Impeccable.

I am SO SO SO happy Daisy and Sly are on the same mission team. If I was friends with either of them I’d be like, “This is a toxic relationship, they make you too crazy.” But as an outside viewer I want them to be within crystal ball throwing distance always.  

The question I’m sure we’re all asking: Is Brennan enough of a minx to invoke the butler did it trope? I know everyone at the table is thinking it even if none of them have said it outright. I figured the reason the cops haven’t showed up yet was the storm but who knows?

Two pieces of housekeeping, only Buck and Gangie know what the room behind the painting is with their high rolls and, after the bit of passing it back and forth with Buck, Daisy has the key. 

I really can’t do the bit about Gangie’s mom justice. I wish there was a comedy Emmy for actual play DnD shows so D20 could get the accolades it deserves just for that bit. 

Brennan indicated that the conversation between the mice maids was the most interesting info (Gilfoyle convo to staff was too public to be juicy/they could get the info from one of the many gathered staff people and crying is info on its own--though I am curious about who the crying person was) but I’m wondering what he meant by that. Because the fact that Buck paid them might be interesting if Buck did it. But we know he didn’t. Is it the fact that they were in the room at all? Again, info that the party knows if not Lars specifically.  The fact that they were stealing silverware? What’s Brennan’s game here?

[asimovsideburns]

hunt for dragonshards session summary TWO

instead of starting back in combat, we meet our final PC, a short but very ripped pink tiefling wild magic barbarian named Dovie, who has been hired to steal a Khyber dragonshard being used to power one of the trains. She gets there, crit fails her perception check to figure out what’s going on in the front room and will spend the rest of combat futilely trying to break open the metal box that’s supposed to contain the dragonshard.

then we jump right back into combat at the top of the order

we do some combat stuff, but then it gets interesting

the stone gargantuan we are fighting is just too powerful, we’re not even really denting it. even spells aren’t doing that much. Jackson looks over at me and asks if I have a plan. we need to deal a lot of damage, very fast... well, we’ve got all these bombs hanging around, right?

Jackson rushes for the nearest defused bomb, readies an action to throw it to whoever can do something with it

On my turn, I head over to the gargantuan, and she tosses it to me--fumbling the athletics check by 1, but I get off a dex save to grab it before it hits the ground. then, having used my good roll on the dex save, I really beef it on the slight of hand check to wedge it into place in the bad guy, and it falls on the floor. I look at the other person in melee, Roux, say “sorry, kid, better duck and cover,” and bonus action dash to get away, uncanny dodging the opportunity attack and yelling for Smidge to set off the bomb

Smidge is up next. Smidge does not firebolt the bomb. Smidge tries to use mage hand to wedge the bomb in the guy. Fails. Uses quicken spell to try again. Fails. Vendetta (me) is ducked around a corner waiting for the explosion, which never comes.

The stone guy is up next, he doesn’t have hands but he does have great big pillar-shield-arms so he just golfs the bomb away from him into a corner.

the warforged is invisible and out of the room at this point, btw

another explosion happens, and the stone gargantuan powers down. uwu goes into the other back room, the one we haven’t explored, and finds ANOTHER stone gargantuan, powered down, in a completely wrecked room. It looks like a bomb went off, because one did.

After combat, I use some fake credentials I forged earlier to team up with Smidge and we pretend to be cops so we can “secure the evidence” at the scene--with my help, a nat 20 deception from Smidge ensures that we’re believed. The upside is that now we can deal with the guards that are coming from a position of authority. The downside is that none of the other player characters like cops, and they all think we’re cops.

We deceive and persuade the guards who arrive into letting us have the run of the place AND helpfully opening up the box with the thing Dovie was trying to steal (it’s evidence, after all) but the box appears to be empty.

We all comb the train station for clues and get info from Jackson, all of us pretty much only finding clues that other people need instead of clues that we need, except for Smidge who does find the thing that was supposed to lead him to the thing he was actually looking for.

Smidge takes Roux to his safehouse, and I collect Dovie and uwu and meet him there. Roux doesn’t like me, because of the bomb thing, but they like Smidge, because of the not detonating the bomb five feet away from them thing.

As we meet up in the safehouse, the special agent ploy is dropped, and the session ends.

I cannot fucking wait until next session.

[come-on-shitty-boys]

Haikyuu But I Make Them D&D Players (3rd Year Edition)

Notes: I have two big-ish? Pieces in the works right now, so here’s a fun self-indulgent thread for the day because I miss my party and The Bois (tm).  I might sketch up some little icons of their characters later??

Daichi Sawamura. Dungeon Master

He’s only played a few times with the Karasuno boys, but he has a decent enough handle on the rules to DM

But, he’s constantly asking Kuroo and Oikawa questions on how to do something, because Dadchi is still learning.

He borrowed all the books from Kuroo

The first session? Oh it was a shit show.  He didn’t realize how much he needed to prepare ahead of time to do this.

There’s probably a group chat with the other guys who DM so they can talk about the campaign or ask any questions

Overall, Daichi’s pretty good at this whole Dungeon Master thing once he gets a feel for what he’s doing.

Kuroo Tetsurou. Class: Warlock

He’s a seasoned Dungeons and Dragons veteran so he usually leads the party

Kuroo usually just plays rather than DMs, but he still has all the books

But, damn is he a good player!  You will never see him break character.

His characters always have really deep stories.  Kuroo puts a lot of time and effort into creating his characters and making sure that they have a meaningful backstory.

Has absolutely dressed up as his character for more than one session ive said it before and i will say it again HES A MASSIVE NERD

Speaking of characters. He has a binder just for character and spell sheets the sheets are laminated and he writes on them with expo markers so they can be reused

Kuroo has probably over 40 characters in that binder, but he tends to play the same 5 or 6 over and over because they’re his favorites

Evenings at the training camp when everyone’s done? Kuroo is teaching everyone to play.

He’s a dice diva.  So, he found one set that does really well for him, and REFUSES to use any other set.

Oikawa Tooru. Class: Bard

He’s another one that has played before.  Not as much as Kuroo, but he’s pretty familiar with the game.

High HIGH charisma for every character he plays, but especially this one.  

His character speaks and casts spells in haiku.  it is what it is

He’s SO fun to have in your party!  He’s also a really good role-player who gets super invested in his characters.

Part of why he’s so fun is because he knows how the game works so he’s not just doing random shit in an attempt to be funny.  He has a strategy and he sticks with it.

“I ROLL TO SEDUCE” just happens to be his strategy

Daichi asks for a charisma check and-

“ . . . one . . .” even with his +6 proficiency bonus, he couldn’t pull it off.

Once had a nat 20 plus his bonus though :) his character may or may not have slept with the bartender for information

Probably fights with Kuroo a lot about what the next move should be?

They’re forced to settle it through an intimidation roll

Sugawara Koushi. Class: Druid

He has no idea what he’s doing, but he catches on FAST

Sugawara plays chaotic neutral most of the time, which adds a fun mix seeing as Oikawa and Kuroo both tend to play Lawful or Neutral

When picking his cantrips and spells at the start of the game, he didn’t really think much about fighting, so he has a bunch of practical spells?

Like, he is genuinely the party’s only healer

and he uses that to his advantage fsfs

You want healed? Cool.  He’s asking you to roll a d100 to see how much you’re paying him.

His character is really under powered when it comes to fighting, but he has good wisdom and intelligence stats, so he’s really helpful to have around

Has one weapon and it’s a dagger.  So, he doesn’t do much damage.

But the others protect him anyway, because, again, he’s their healer.

Bokuto Koutarou. Class: Barbarian

He plays occasionally, but only when Kuroo asks

TANK TANK TANK TANK TANK TANK

He’s got the most hit points out of anyone, so he’s the first to charge into battle . . . and I mean ANY battle.  He could be up against a dragon and give ZERO shits. it’s not impossible. it’s just hard. 

Has crazy high strength but he’s lacking in most other stats.

He’s not super into the whole role-playing aspect? So he doesn’t have a backstory or anything for his character.  He doesn’t get into character like the others.  He just plays.

He still doesn’t completely understand what’s going on and how to play.

“Wait.  Which one do I role again?  The triangle or the diamond thing?”

But, our boys aren’t gate keepers, so they’re here to help him.  Kuroo has probably made him a cheat-sheet to tell him what he needs to roll and when.

Probably has those cursed spaghetti-o dice

Asahi Azumane. Class: Rogue

Okay.  At least, that was his PLAN

But, his stat rolls were really bad?  So, his character is pretty awful.  Like, I’m talking 12 is his highest stat.

Kenma was going to just let him re-roll his stats, but the others thought it would be really funny to have one under-powered character in the party.

But, surprisingly enough, he’s a really lucky roller? So, he’s not much of hindrance.

This is the first time he’s ever played and it’s only because Daichi and Sugawara pretty much scared him into it.

Like Bokuto, he doesn’t get into the role-play part of the game.  He just feels kind of awkward about it??

He’s a pretty laid-back player and usually stays quiet because he’s still figuring out the game.

SNACK MOM SNACK MOM SNACK MOM

Literally text him before the session and he will bring whatever you want.  Has definitely baked cookies and brownies for more than one session.

Yaku Morisuke. Class: Paladin

Plays chaotic-evil for SURE

He’s got a pretty well-rounded character, but wisdom is his strongest stat at 15.

He’s played with the Nekoma a few times? But it’s not a regular pastime of his

But, he was one of the ones who fell in love with it after their first session, so he’ll never say no to a new campaign if you ask.

Yaku makes his characters really tall?  Like, they’re usually 6′ at least.  You will never catch him playing a gnome or a dwarf. Ever.

He’s teamed up with Sugawara in the party so he never has to pay for healing.

BAD ROLLER.  It’s shocking when he manages to roll over 10.  Lots of critical failures.

Doesn’t have any of his own dice, so he’s probably borrowing Sugawara’s the entire time or Kuroo gives him one of his old sets.

Iwaizumi Hajime. Class: Fighter

Oh he’s GOOD GOOD

He may not play a lot, but when he does? Be ready for a good session, because he always comes with one of the best characters.

OVER-POWERED.  ALWAYS.

His character probably dual-wields hand axes.

Next to Bokuto, he’s got the highest number of hit points, but he’s less compulsive and picks his battles more carefully. 

Like Kuroo, he’s got one set of dice that he always uses.  He once delayed the start of the session because he brought the wrong set.

“Dude, I have an extra set just use mine.” “NO!”

He’s a pretty serious player.  He doesn’t role-play very well, but he helps keep the party on track.

Tendou Satori.  Class: Rogue

He’s pure CHAOS

Constantly getting the party off track and poor Daichi doesn’t know what he’s supposed to do in this situation, because he didn’t prepare properly.

“Tendou, please don’t-” “I said, I want to steal the boat and go to the island in the distance.”

He’s what Asahi wishes his rogue was like.

Tendou’s character isn’t over-powered or anything, he just knows how to play his proficiency bonuses to his advantage.  He’ll use stealth rather than deception to get what he wants

He’s pick-pocketing Sugawara’s druid so he can pay for his next healing.

The role-play is his favorite part, but usually because he just bases his characters around his personality so, there’s not much to change about himself.

He cheats. I promise you, he’s a cheater.  He has one of those dice rolling apps on his phone and will re-roll until he gets something good or he has a +3 modifier to all of his rolls. 

It takes a long time for anyone to catch on, but ooooooh when they do?  Tendou has lost any and all phone privileges for the rest of the game.  He has to borrow physical dice from Kuroo.

Ushijima Wakatoshi. 

He’s not playing.  He has no idea what this “Dee en Dee” thing is that everyone keeps talking about, but he’s not interested in finding out.  He may watch?  But, it’s pretty unlikely.

[spartanblacksmith]

DND story time. Long post.

Well, here I am, dressed in red cultist garb, covering my red dragon scaled armor, sword, and shield, trying not to draw attention to myself as I worry about my party of 4, chained up in the middle of the room, surrounded by 8 cultists, 4 elite guard, and their boss, Asher the Fire witch, her arm around my waist. How did I get here? Well...

We were sent in on a rescue mission. A party of five soldiers of the order was sent to scout this dragon cults hideout. They never returned. The Order of the Guantlett hire us outsiders to save them.

A party of 5, a human fighter-bard, a teifling warlock, an elf rogue, a human ranger, and me, a red dragonborn sorcerer-fighter

We hop through a portal, provided by the order, and land on a cliff a short distance to the hideout. But we run into a few patrolling trolls.

A fight later, we're sneaking around a mansion to slip into the kitchens in the back. We had decided to not engage the whole army of cultists, trolls, kolbolds, and the boss and her elite guard. We'd leave that to the order as they attack this hideout in full force next week.

We stealth around some trolls outside, we slip past some kolbold servants in the kitchen (here I observed a kolbold give a salute), we sneak past a laundry room, and we enter a study. Two cultists in robes spot us, but our rouge quickly places knives next to their throats to stop them from doing something bad. Not bad sneaking for some dudes in a bunch of armor.

We sit them down and try to get some info. We learn their names and that their boss has some powerful fire magic, but then one throws his dagger at us and his friend punches a button on the statue in the corner. It comes to life and the two of them escape into a painting that is another portal that was disguised as a painting.

I start fighting the statue when our rogue gets an idea.

To chase them through the painting.

He hops through, then the warlock hops through too. Then the fighter and ranger leave me with the statue and hop through too. But the ranger accidentally knocked a candle into the paintings side, destroying it and it's magic.

I'm looking at them blankly out of character and I kill the statue.

It clunks to the ground loudly and alerts the mansion. I'm scrambling, separated from my party.

Idea.

I throw a hand axe through the window and I run into the laundry room and hop into a whole pile of robes, covering myself up.

I hear cultists running through the room. In the pile, I start stitching together some robes into one for a big guy like me.

As for what's happening to the other members of my party, they were transported 2 days away from the mansion, in the middle of the woods. They took out the two fleeing cultists, but needed to travel their way back.

An hour later of hopping in, I hop out of the pile of red robes and start walking around the mansion, looking for the prisoners. I make several of my deception rolls, then I accidentally run into the boss, the Fire witch, strolling through the kitchens for a snack.

A young looking human lady named Asher wearing black and red armor, holding a magical piece of obsidian in a wand holster and a sword on her hip.

She eyes me, wondering if I'm a new member. I lie and say yes. Nat 20. Everyone believes me. Then she gives a salute and spoke a draconic phrase. I give back the salute I had observed, and lucky I'm a dragonborn, so I could return the phrase. She wonders why I'm in full gear, and I explain that I was a mercenary before Darby (One of the cultists that ran out the painting) recruited me. She seems pleased with my introduction.

Then the DM, my friend, gets funny with me.

Asher looks me up and down and smiles. "Come with me", she says, "time for your...second initiation." We head upstairs to her quarters. You know where this is going. Two days and a broken headboard later, my party finally gets to the area again.

Then disaster strikes.

Rather than use the spell message to contact me, they leave me asleep in Asher's chambers and try to sneak in at night.

The ranger tries to sneak in through a hole in the roof. The rogue tried to disguise themselves as a cultist by recreating the robes, but his character didn't take note of the salute. The fighter and the warlock try to fly up to the chimney.

But a big battle eagle and his handler is in the room the ranger hopped into. He's knocked unconscious and captured.

The Rogue tries to talk his way past the troll patrol. They ask for the salute. He fails. They capture him.

The fighter is jammed in the chimney and the warlock flys into a second story window to help him through. Straight into the elite guards quarters. They get captured.

Then they're all gathered into the main hall to interrogate them.

In the two days my character has been there, he has become Asher's favorite, so she has me do it. I try to not beat up the warlock too much, but I gotta make it look convincing. Then he spits at me, making for good theater. Then the rogue takes a knife out of his boot and tried to stab me. I knock him to the ground and take his knife.

And here we are.

Asher has us strip them of their gear and they are placed in the same dungeon the other 5 scouts are. Now I gotta save all 9 of them. The Order of the Guantlett was going to attack in five days, so I decide to make my move then, during the chaos.

I decide to get cozy at Asher's side, to make sure she stays in a good mood and does not kill my party.

5 days past, and I'm working on my plan.

The night before, I snuck some sleeping powder into Asher's ale. Then the next morning, I got dressed, armored up, exchanged a few spell messages with the order commander, and went downstairs.

Her elite guard were lurking around, as usual. I say hi to a few of the cultists and head to the kitchens. I intercepted the kolbolds about to give the prisoners their food. I tell them I'm going to do it. They give me the tray, I head down the secret passage to the dungeon.

When I'm down, my party gives me hard time about taking so long. I take out my bag of holding, holding all their gear I snuck out of the treasure rooms, the scouts as well. I remind them who got stuck in the chimney. We have a good laugh and I go back upstairs alone. I tell them I'm going to take Asher into the forest to 1 v 1 her.

As they're getting dressed and tuning their magic items, I tell one of the elite guard about the attack that the order of the Guantlett is about to launch. I tell them that Asher has taken the trolls to prepare for a fight, and that I was to tell the guard to join her. They head out, but they're going to be ambushed by the Guantlett army.

My party takes the scouts and battles their way past the cultists and trolls. The scouts fight the few cultists and the party hits the trolls. The kolbold servants run away. After the fight, they rendezvous with the Guantlett order, who are still fighting the remaining elite guard. They're finished off with a few good Eldritch blasts from the warlock.

After they leave, I head upstairs, pick up Asher, and go into the eagle room (which was next door to her room and no one saw).

As for me, my character disappears for a few days as I take Asher to my home while flying on the battle eagle.

Yeah, my character fell for her. During the flight, Asher wakes up. I convince Asher that her guard was gonna kill her in her sleep, so I got her out of there, and convince her to give up the cult life. So I put her up in my house as my characters love interest, and head back to my party.

Tldr: We sneak into a cult hideout and I steal the boss and make her my girlfriend rather than kill her.

[sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-shelby]

Possibly my most epic DnD session yet! (now with sloppy illustrations!)

****Late-game spoilers for Hoard of the Dragon Queen****

I play as Killian Lyle. Level 6 human fighter, eldritch knight, lawful good. +4 str, con. -2 cha. You know the type.

Others in the party are: Rat-Rat, the forest gnome druid. Syrris, the wood-elf rogue. Montagor, the half-elf bard.

So, the last thing Killian did the session before was reenter a tavern our party got kicked out of and try to bribe the tavern keeper to help us get past some baddies. Big tough-looking tavern keeper grabs his weapon. *Roll initiative* End of session.

In Killian’s hands were a shield and a loaf of bread he had recently been served in that tavern. He was alone, the rest of his party discussing plans outside. We all rolled initiative, but only Killian was aware there was going to be combat so far. A couple of the party members got to go first. Basically just wandered town square, taking in surroundings. There are a whole bunch enemy guards nearby, watching, but not picking a fight with the group. 

Killian’s turn. He steps forward and tries to FORCE THE LOAF OF BREAD INTO THE GUYS MOUTH to catch him off-guard and maybe keep him quiet for a second. SMASHING SUCCESS! Guy is unable to stop me from jamming those carbs down his throat and drops his weapon. I bonus action my sword to my hand.

Tavern-keeper’s turn. DM has the guy do a con save to make sure he doesn’t CHOKE TO DEATH AND DIE!  *shit, shit, I didn’t want to kill him!!!* Luckily he saves and is able to clear his airway of bread. He starts swinging fists and misses.

Keep going in initiative order. Guest calls out “HES FIGHTING THE BARTENDER!” Most guests at the tavern flee upstairs, but 2 pull daggers and join in. Montagor the bard hears some commotion and opens the door to see Killian shoving bread down the tavern-keeper’s throat and other people moving in with weapon’s drawn. Tries playing the bagpipes nice and loud for extra diversion, but nat 1′s and pops the bag. Syrris the rogue comes in and starts quietly and *permanently* eliminating anyone attacking with a weapon. Killian tries multiple times to thunk the tavern-keeper on the head with the hilt of his sword well enough to knock him out, but the dude keeps fighting. Poor guy can’t make a single hit though. 

This fight’s going longer than Killian was hoping. He tries a different tactic: INTIMIDATE. Another smashing success. Like a 19 or something, since intimidate is his one charisma-based skill that doesn’t get a negative modifier. BARTENDER GETS A NAT 1! Surrenders. Killian backs off just before the Captain of the group of enemies walks in.

“WHAT”S GOING ON IN HERE!?”

Killian gambles on deception. NAT 20 “Some guys were fighting the tavern-keeper. We helped. They’re dead now.”

Intimidated tavern-keeper nods, says they were going to rob him.

Enemy captain thanks us for protecting his friend and leaves. WOW, DODGED A BULLET THERE!

We head out too, Killian dropping a couple of gold coins for the tavern-keeper as he heads out, and start looking for a good way to get past the guards. We’re trying to get into a GIANT ICE CASTLE that’s about to FLY AWAY. Time’s running out. I’m not sneaky, but we’re about to give it a try, see if our amazing rolls continue. We decide to peek in the giant stable that had HUGE REPTILIAN GROWLS coming from it. This would either be really bad or really good for us. 

Really good! Tied-up wyverns along one wall, riding harnesses on the other. The ice castle begins to take off. Guess we’re doing this! We smell the stink of meat from a nearby building. The rogue is unable to carry a full pig carcass herself. Killian goes to help. NAT 20! Throws a pig over one shoulder, and a sheep over the other and marches off toward the wyverns. Killian has crap animal handling skills, but Rat-Rat the druid doesn’t. Killian keeps the things distracted with bites of meat, Rat-Rat puts the harnesses on them with great success. We climb on, again without incident. And Rat-Rat is apparently a natural-born dragon-rider because he came up with an incredible plan that worked without a hitch. 

Minor-illusion the image of a fat turkey, flying just out of reach of the wyvern. Bard prestidigitation’s the smell of juicy meat coming off the “turkey”. Wyverns were eager to follow. Probably more complicated than it needed to be, but hey, it has pizzazz!

We are able to catch up to the ice castle and land they wyverns near another stable that they seemed trained to fly to. Looking around, ogres and kobolds seem to pay us no mind. Guess randos flying in on the backs of dragon things is a normal sight around here. But as it starts getting dark, creatures seem to hurry their tasks and make their way indoors. We figure we’d better do so as well. Quietly enter the first door we approach. Amazingly, nobody’s there. Not out and about anyway. There’s a comfortably furnished room right when we walk through the door, but we decide to keep exploring. Rat-Rat casts detect magic. The comfortable room has an illusory wall to an outside platform, but nothing else of note. 

We hear a familiar voice arguing with another voice in another room. A wizard we’d rather not exchange blows with if we can help it. Luckily, according to the DM’s dice rolls, they notice nothing.

Then, further down the hall we heard another familiar voice. Rezmir, the dragonborn cult leader we’ve been tracking for MONTHS. Basically in the first spot we look. Wow, really? And none of us are hurt. Most of us have all of our spell slots and other abilities still available to us. Could this be more perfect? Rat-Rat does see a bit of magic in the room in the last moments before his spell times out, but that’s to be expected, right?

There is a lock.“It looks much more complicated than any lock you’ve encountered before”, the DM tells us. But our rogue is pretty skilled in her arts. She decides to give it a try. 

“With my modifier that was a 30.″ Huh. What luck. DM said later that was a DC 25 lock. 

Rezmir was inside, sitting on her bed in her pajamas, just loving on her doggos. I mean attack drakes. Not paying us any mind whatsoever. *roll initiative*

Syrris goes first. Perfect opportunity for an assassination with her poison dagger and all those extra dice rolls she gets in just this sort of situation. She steps into the room and is SNATCHED UP AND HELD DOWN BY A SENTIENT AREA RUG! I should’ve drawn this part too because I can’t help but imagine the magic carpet from Aladdin wrestling the elf.

Anyway, fighting then ensues. Attack drakes come running, keeping the rest of the party besides the rogue out in the hall. Rezmir starts out unarmed, and shoots off a scary-looking spell at our bard. It misses and melts the wall behind him. Thank goodness it missed. Rogue takes 2 turns escaping the rug, Rezmir runs for her sword across the room. Rat-Rat’s moonbeaming Rezmir rather successfully. Killian and the Montagor are mostly in melee with the drakes, but Killian did start with a firebolt to Rezmir’s face. This fight hurts, both sides taking plenty of damage.

The rogue is taking the brunt of the damage trapped inside the bedroom with the dragonborn and that mean magic carpet. She takes it like a champ, but there’s a turn for the worse when she’s ready for healing. The bard’s starts coming to her aid, and she takes more damage, this time from the sword. Healing has no effect from that point.... The sword did something to stop her from regaining hit points, and after the significant damage from its blade, that’s bad news.

Bard and Rogue get caught in a breath attack, and the rogue goes down. Killian and Rat-Rat are still outside of the room, Killian around a corner and can’t actually see Rezmir from where he’s at. Shit. We still have one drake remaining. Killian tries his best with two attacks to eliminate it, but does min damage on both and it remains standing. Fuck it. Time for an Action Surge. Moves past the drake to where he’s in melee with Rezmir herself, stepping out from around the corner. Double attack again. Hits on both. NAT 20 ON THE SECOND! 

“How did it happen?”, the DM asks. I’m floored that I managed to down her in that hit.

“Killian steps around the corner, swinging his sword to where her saw the breath attack originate, slicing through her pajamas into the scales beneath. He then makes eye contact with her and sees the recognition in her face as she looks his way in surprise, even as he’s pulling back his sword for a second strike. Killian lunges full-force, plunging the sword right through her before she has the chance to react.”

“FOOLS!”, she cries out with her final breath as she disintegrates into ash, her sword and a couple of keys clanging to the floor where she had stood. Simultaneously an ornate chest in the far corner of the room violently explodes, destroying anything that might’ve been inside.

We rush to the Syrris, and Rat-Rat stabilizes her. Killian places her on the bed to rest. Then eyes turn toward the items Rezmir left behind. Killian voices that the rogue won’t be pleased to see the chest exploded when she regains consciousness, but doesn’t personally care much that the loot is no more. The party uses one of the keys in the pile of ash that was Rezmir to relock the room so they can use the comfortable chamber for a night of recuperation before continuing venturing back into the castle.

“Killian, I think you’re the only one of us that could wield that sword.”, Rat-Rat squeaks, pointing to the one remaining object on the ground.

The sword is jagged and black with a purple crystal in the hilt. Something about it makes Killian uneasy.

Killian replies, “A greatsword... Doesn’t really suit my fighting style. But it seems a powerful blade. ” Then he picks it up off the floor feeling powerful magic coursing through it, and hears a voice in his head.

“Hello”, the sword whispers, darkly. “You enjoyed that kill, didn’t you.”

Oh man, having my lawful good, magic fanatic, fighter boy weigh the benefits of wielding a legendary magical sword of untold power, against the moral drawback of it being intelligent and EVIL is going to be a wild ride. He has attuned to it, and we’ll see where this takes us. 

I’m still reeling from all the amazing things that happened in this session. What a day for Killian in particular. 

[renaer-is-allegedly-hot]

session 12 notes

one day . one day i swear i will fix this formatting but today is not that day

Lol late is my brand

Let's go

The halflings can stack up under a trench coat

Adam has disguise self

Aerana and asyna don't need to do anything kinda

Now we're talking abt the road to el dorado

We just killed loser boy

Kenku got info from adam, cel and theo

What are we doing lmao

Adam is jiggling the small room's door and we go inside the room

Inside looks like an office, shelf w pickled body parts + cataloguing what the parts r and what they do

They were running away lmao ok

Yes we're still salty about this

"different interpretations of charm person" - jacob, 2020

Body part stuff

No halfling writing system in waterdeep

Dwarf toes, elven ears

Magic items ? Cel rolls perception 22

Weird jar w dull amber colored liquid, don't know if it's magical but noticed; unlabeled

"the jar of necrotic pee" - jacob, 2020

Smells like aloe

Adam smells his fire-resistant potion and it smells more like burnt ash

Smth else cel found has strange engravings

Just looks like metal bar

Boxy squarish iron bar abt the size of a halfling; it's strong but surprisingly light

Adam picks it up and hits a wall w it

Adam rolls for attack, 4

Nothing rlly happens

Makes a ringing sound

None of us can read giant

Looks rlly strange, written in blocky linear runes

A few things on it that stick out like engravings of ppl

Big bearded humanoids but small and fine so difficult to make out

Adam rolled 17 for investigation through files

Some stuff related to running wig shop; shop was at least somewhat a legitimate business

Notes abt billing for criminal organizations and guilds

Some ref to meeting w xant middlemen who would collect bodies

Names

Noska

Hired gorrick to track us down ??

N ?????

Adam looking for a key in the desk, doesn't find it

Head to the chest, adam tries to open

Not locked

A bunch of teeth

It's a mimic, adam has to roll damage

Adam is hit

Adam takes 10 damage

We're looking at diff things around the room and then hear a screech of pain as adam gets bitten

Slams down on adam's hand and four little eyes pop up and stare as it eats adam's hand

Mimic takes 9 damage as adam explodes

Cel shoots an arrow into the eye

22 to hit, 8 damage

Adam uses cutting words

-1d6

"hey fuck"

Adam could try to pull his hands away

Adam pulls his hands out

Adam bends down to it and takes a ration out of his backpack

"dom I'm gonna bend down to it"

The chest has closed back

Adam is going to throw rations instead, dex check

13; doesn't open so adam drops food on its head

Chest sits there looking at adam and eventually out of the side of the chest a weird stretchy amoeba-like arm comes out of it, takes the food and throws it in its mouth

"who's a good boy ? Who's a good boy !! Who's a good chest !!" adam, 2020

Adam takes out all his five rations and makes a trail leading out of the room

Chomper ? Maybe

It looks uninterested and its eyes have shut

Looks exactly like a chest now and hasn't moved; still has an arrow but just looks like a normal chest

It's a small chest that's pickuppable

Adam wants to walk his chest

Adam casts sleep on the chest

7d8s

27hp

When adam casts sleep the chest doesn't move, adam rolls perception 5

Adam tries to pick it up from behind v carefully from the bottom

It's kinda stuck to the floor and the wall; doesn't appear willing to budge

Asyna is still ape!asyna

Tries picking it up from behind like adam

Rolls a 6; won't move

One of its creepy tendrils sticks out and hits ape!asyna

10 bludgeoning damage; ape!asyna basically got slapped but now stuck to the chest

It's kind of loose now

Ape!asyna rolls a 20 and yanks it off the wall, now just dangling off asyna's arm and it's heavier than asyna thought it was

Feels dense

Adam is gonna try and tie its mouth shut

"he kinda starts flailing around a bit" dom, 2020

"aw he likes his new leash" jacob, 2020

Jacob gets hit again

Ape!asyna is gonna try and pull it off, 17 and gets off

Large clump of fur comes off and it's painful

adam "I'm going to try and use centrifugal force to swing it over my head"

"make a strength check" dom, 2020

Rolls 17

Slams it on desk, doesn't let go, nature check adam has no idea what it is

At some point the chest drops off, we stand back and adam casts shatter

11 damage

Chest kind of melts into the floor almost like it deflated, starts snaking way across room until it finds a hole and slithers up and disappears

"fuck you too chompi" adam 2020

Where it dissolves is 20 gold

"n I c e . That was worth the four spell slots" adam, 2020

Adam disguises self and turns into his dad

Adam is a tiefling

Dad is not a tiefling

Taller, dark black hair but not curly, short on the sides + floof forward

Looks more confident than adam

Same freckles

No one knew adam had freckles

Look p similar overall

Sounds the same as adam when he talks

He's a human

We don't know it's adam's dad

"a real dilf" dom, 2020, about adam's dad

"not like your REAL DAD, JACOB, JESUS" dom, 2020

Now we don't have time to unpack ALL OF THAT

Gonna find a hotel or smth

Except gotta disguise selves first

In the wig shop there is any wig u could possibly desire

Some mounted beards

Can't tell if any of the wigs r magical

I don't haAve magicccc :(

Adam puts a blonde wig on the ape

I thought asyna un-aped

Asyna un-apes and disguises self as asyna

Theo takes a long brunette wig w a braid down the back

Cel wants to pretend to be adam's child

Gets a curly dark hair wig

Hammer pants

Cel theo and adam all have freckles

It's nighttime springtime in waterdeep; it's raining

Trades ward going to find a hotel

Avoid own houses for awhile

Going to nearest inn

Let's go to the yawning portal

It is an inn not just a bar

Typ is in fact in the trades ward

One room as the father and two daughters and one room as lesbian elves

Durnan's downstairs and is friends w mirt

We head over to typ

This ward is busier than others we've seen at this time of night

Walk over to side entrance of typ

It never shuts down; always ppl here

Familiar warmth as we approach

Bard competition

Ppl placing bets, drinking, sitting in booths

The rooms r upstairs

Adam calls himself lysander

"a room for me and my daughters"

They get a room on the third story

Room on the third floor

We rendezvous in adam's room

We hear a scream echo out from the well

Adam has two plans

One includes his pants

The pants plan is we track down the dude w the pants

Second includes him singing, waiting to get mugged by the zants

Get mercenary help ?

Pants is plan c

Durnan is plan a

Cel is portia

Theo is lavinia

The doors lock

Long rest? Long rest maybe later

Adam and cel go up to one of the goliaths

"hey there big friend"

He looks like a well-read person

Takes out honey and asks him if he knows what it is

O it's honey

"well there r means of finding this out . For a price"

How much per item - FIVE GOLD

Adam hands him 10 gold and the big rod

"this is a jar of ointment that was first created by the wizard kyogton" I have no idea what that wizard's name is but that's what it sounded like

A dose can be swallowed or applied to the skin and in addition to healing and rejuvenating health, any poison or disease it may have is instantaneously cured

Can't tell how many doses in it

It's v expensive, v rare

Now the stick and he looks uber interested in it

"hm , where did you find this"

"my dad's attic ,,, he's a hoarder"

"let's make a deception check with a capital d"

Nat 1

Adam tells this guy the whole thing and the guy nods

"this is a valuable piece . Would you be interested in parting with it"

Cloud giants made them so their servants could help them build their castles

It's an immovable rod

Writing speaks of ancient cloud giants that were war-inclined

Flat button on the end of it

He sticks it out into the air and presses the button; when he takes his hand away, the rod doesn't fall and it stays floating in the air

Adam grabs onto it but he can't move it

Anybody can push the button tho

Adam asks what the goliath is offering

Offers us 5,000 gold

Adam gets his name - woetheir ????

Woetheir frequents typ when he's here

They're going on a quest; were asked by the open lord to complete a task on the isle of chault

Adam's gonna go to bed

Cel's gonna take a bath

We take long rest

Durnan time

Adam gives durnan a quick rundown of what happened

"ayo what's poppin durnan long time no see my guy"

It's morning it's 9ish breakfast time

Doesn't give any indication whether or not he recognizes them

Adam asks for scrambled eggs and bacon

Adam's asking if he knows anything abt the xants

Theo asks durnan if there's somewhere more secluded they can talk

Gestures to one of the booths and theo cel adam go over

They're uh . Telling durnan everything p much

He has look of passive disinterest but slightly less disinterest the more of the story they tell

"how is mirt?"

"he has renaer and floon"

"he's let himself go"

The xants r v powerful; leadership inscrutable even to open lord herself

Prior, durnan didn't care abt open lord

Guesses whoever obtains the stone would b hunted by the city which could b problematic

Half a million gold dragons

Could get help outside the city ? Roots go deep but do not extend outwards

Flee or contact city officials

"I think theo has a crush on him" adam, 2020

Stone is likely being taken or was already taken to guild hq

We could bust into hq but probs bad idea

Durnan says he's sure anyone could break into xants hq

Lmao durnan sounds so weighed down by life

Every now and then he looks over to well

Durnan is basically saying friendship is magic

The xants don't often come to typ and don't draw swords there

They fear it and durnan

"what's the hole?" adam rolls for insight, dirty 20

Odd expression comes across durnan's face

Mixture of disgust and longing

Uh … disgust and longing … for a hole? Ok durnan

We don't have to talk abt that I guess

Cel asks durnan to send a message to mirt to let him know we're safe but probs not gonna see him for awhile

Apparently the xants aren't too particular abt their henchmen

He says ask the barkeep abt it

Passive perception

At some point durnan leaves and right as theo says that we hear a loud thump and someone says "cripes"

Jones ?

Cel looks under the table and there's jones

Cel drags him out

Theo has a new idea "hey guys let's not go through with using adam as bait yet"

Adam looks down at the goblin and threatens to make him deaf

Plan d is to eat jones

We take jones upstairs

Theo explains her new plan

If the stone is already at their hq

We go to them

Jones doesn't mess w the xants

Why is jones rhyming

What r we talking abt lmao oops I was looking at primary results

I'M SCREAMING I DIDN'T KNOW GOODSPACEGUY WAS 81

No one has asked us for info abt the stone ?

Lmao is this like @me abt what's his name

Jb nevercaught ???? Jp nevercaught ?????? Idk who he is

What's our goal

We gotta figure out what we wanna do ig

We just wanna know where the xants r otherwise we duct tape his mouth and tie him up

"consider it stroked and very, very much needed" jones, 2020

To the dock ward in a wrecked whale oh the wrecked whale

"not the erect whale" cel, 2020 ????

There's a knock at the door

There's no peephole

Asyna asks "who is it"

HAHAHHAHAHA

MARGUERITE LMAO

"uh I work at the bar downstairs uh durnan had some - he wanted to speak to the drow"

I'm screwed

He has page hat on

"first durnan said we could stay as long as we'd like"

And he was offered money by this guy to speak to me

There's an elven man w v long and stringy hair, pointed nose and pointy ears

Looks rlly skinny and physically weak

Looking over scrolls

"guess who"

What the fuck

Nareel ??? naREEL????? WHO THE FUCK IS NAREEL???????

I don't kNOW WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING !!!!!!

The stone fascinates him

Offering us partial membership

Occasional encouragement to go on various missions

He has resources

Treasure and gold involved, but not for the weak-willed

Offering 500 gold for completion of a task

They have captured a high-ranking member of the xants and tried to get info of him

More resilient than they thought he would be

They need him back in three days

Is this a roast session ???? Of aerana ???? When she dips to hang out with the other guy ???????

They're trying to figure out who her friend is

Jones wanted to be a painter

Adam is offering to have jones join us to maybe kill him??????

If he wants gold he has to go get it

They'll keep

"I'm gonna fill your goody bag real good so you better keep your mouth shut" adam, 2020 to jones

Oh god I'm such an avoidant lmao

Oh god I don't

"these conversations will become more difficult as things become more difficult but I think for now that went as well as it could have possibly gone"

"you will find him in your basement"

wHICH BASEMENT

We're gonna go home

To the north ward we go

You go to the basement

The ropes look kinda weird

He's not tied with rope

They're metal bands looped around him

Metal bindings

Doesn't look like he's gonna get out of it

Adam and cel don't see anything out of the ordinary but have noticed things moved around a little bit

Dwarf w dark brown skin, white/gray beard, looks roughed up - not injured, just worse for wear

Adam has him make a wisdom saving throw

Adam charms him

Approaches him first

Adam starts massaging his shoulders

Jfdkaslfha then takes the gag off

"are you here to let me out?" the dwarf

"even better I'm here to spend some quality time with you" adam, 2020

Says he has to get back to the master

Master silgar must be fed

His sacred duty is to feed master silgar

Master silgar has a shimmering son what

"Shakes the oceans with a swish of his body"

In the beginning there was xanathar and then he said silgar should be the one they care for until the seas rise and destroy the city

Controls the eye of the xanathar as the eye of the xanathar control him

His name is ot stillgeer

Adam says his name is cain

Blasphemy for adam to propose bringing lord silgar to him

Lord silgar lives in a great temple

He's the high priest of silgar

We're telling him it's our summer home

Adam winks at everyone and we go upstairs

Adam casts second-level sleep on him

44hp puts him to sleep

Adam is gonna disguise-self a beard when the dwarf next wakes up

Stage it so it looks like he had been there for a month

Everyone changes their clothes

Tally marks on the wall

It's like late afternoon at this time

Adam tells him he woke up after 79 days, rolls for deception

Rolls a 24

Looks over and says "79 days"

"am I dead"

"no but the xanathar want you dead"

"I'm free"

23 for deception

Lord silgar is a fish? A fish ? A goldfish

Lord xanathar loves his goldfish more than anything

Ot has to replace the fish

19 mans is telling the truth

Not really any sign we're being watched when cel rolls for perception

We watch ot, take turns resting and surveilling our own house

Night comes

When asyna is on watch in the tower

Sees figures start making way across street to our house

6 humanoids start trying to break into the house

Glass shatters as one goes through a window

The tapestry was lord silgar

The goldfish has no connection to the koi fish asyna spoke to

Two objectives?

Find the stone

Or control the xanathar w a fish

The stone is a map to half a million gold

[victory-cookies]

Everything Starts Somewhere [Part 1]

A/N: Well, as promised, the beginning of my Forfeit origin story! I am winging it but I’m having fun so far, so we’ll see how I do. 

@obsidiancreates @a-humble-narcissus (if anyone else wants to be tagged in this hmu)

***

Vic let out a strained breath, pain stabbing through her head at the mere sound of dice clattering across the table. She shut her eyes tightly as Jonas laughed, the sound echoing through her skull. 

"Hell yeah! A Nat 20!" He pumped his fist into the air. "Watch me kick this bugbear's ass, guys."

She let out another slow exhale, bringing her hands to her temples. Damn, she hadn't had a headache this painful in years. She opened her eyes. 

"Uh, hey, guys, do you mind if we end the session early today? I've got a really bad headache." she asked. 

Poet looked up from her DM's notes. "Oh, yeah, sure. Are you alright?"

Vic nodded. "Yeah, I'm good, I just—" She hissed as another wave of pain jolted through her head. "I need to go lie down or something... or maybe I'll just go home. Pain doesn't go through dimensions, y'know?"

"You got it." Jonas scooped up his dice and shot her a finger gun. "You'll get to watch me kick the bugbear's ass next time, then. Besides, Josh'll be back and we can start back into the main campaign."

"Yeah." Vic pursed her lips. "I'll see you later, then." 

With a salute from Jonas and a wave from Poet, she let herself slowly fade from existence. 

***

Vic opened her eyes, expected to be back in the slightly assaulting teal-blue of her room.  

Instead, she was met with grey. 

Everything around her was drained of colour. Her walls, her sheets, the hoodies hanging on hooks by the door. Everything was a cold, desolate black-and-white. 

As she looked around at the monochrome room, the pressure in her temples suddenly returned, stabbing through her head tenfold. She cried out, stumbling forward. 

What was going on? 

"Hurts, doesn't it?"

Her head snapped up. She glanced around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. "What... who...?"

The voice laughed, a chilling, echoing sound that bounced around inside Vic's skull, making her head throb. "I was originally planning to go for a more... refined method, but I figured that the best way to get you back here was more forceful, y'know? Less so art, more so an attack. Besides, there's always time to show you the other options."

Vic clenched her eyes shut, hissing. "What the hell is going on?" she asked quietly. "Who are you? What do you want from me?"

Suddenly, she felt her eyes being forced open. She yelped loudly, stumbling forward. 

Laughter echoed through the room again, drilling into her head. In front if her, shadows began to creep along the ground, crawling out from corners and crevices and pooling in the centre of the room in front of her. They slowly began to rise, forming into a humanoid figure made of writhing darkness. 

The figure began to cackle, and Vic felt something warm drip into her shoulder. She looked up to see something dark and thick oozing along the ceiling, and when she looked back towards the figure, the walls were also dripping with the fluid. 

She gagged as the acrid smell hit her nostrils. 

The figure giggled, and then the shadows forming it slowly began to unravel themselves, revealing the relatively human form of a teenaged girl wearing a dark grey cloak. 

The girl looked up at Vic with eyes made of pure black opal. A grin that was too wide to be called a smile split her face, revealing teeth that were just a little too sharp. 

And Vic stared back at herself, feeling lightheaded as she looked at the malicious, gleeful expression that painted her doppelgänger's face. 

"No, it— it can't be, I made sure that—" she stuttered, taking a step backwards. "You're not real."

The girl stepped forwards, and was suddenly close enough brush the back of her hand against Vic's face. "Oh, but I am! You really goofed this one up, didn't you?"

Vic took another step backwards, panting. "Why are you here?" 

The girl grinned wider, revealing even more teeth. "It's been a long time, Vic. I've been growing stronger, of course, and I though it was about time that I made an appearance! Demonstrated what I could do!"

Vic took a glance at the liquid dripping down the walls and shivered.

"I thought it was about time I gave you a taste of what real power feels like!" 

Vic felt a sudden jolt of unrelenting fear grip her heart, constricting until she found it hard to breathe. It dripped down her back, feeling like ice water, and the girl in front of her just grinned as she felt her vision blurring, body wanting desperately to shut down to avoid the absolute terror that was all of a sudden consuming her. 

"How's it feel, Vic? I know you were never a fan of scary things."

Vic gasped for air, her eyes threatening to roll back into her head. "Please," she choked. "Stop—"

The fear disappeared.

She slumped over, panting. 

The girl clapped her hands happily. "Wonderful! Well, I suppose there's only one thing left to do then."

Vic looked up to see colour blossoming across her room. As it touched the walls, the blood previously pouring down them disappeared, as did the shadows that crawled around the room. 

But the girl didn't disappear. The colour crept up her, painting her in greys and blues and shadows and blood. And as it did, she smiled. A normal, deceptively human smile. 

"You're so powerless here, aren't you, Vic? With your friends, in their world, you can do whatever you want. Omnipotence is pretty great, isn't it?"

"It's not omnipotence," Vic argued instinctively, her knee-jerk reaction to Jonas' teasing jumping to her lips even though her chest was still heaving.  

"Semantics. But here... you're just a regular person that spends too much time in her own head, aren't you? You couldn't do a thing to, say, stop something from ripping your soul from your flesh..." The girl grinned widely again, her teeth flashing. 

Vic stumbled back. "What—"

"It's about time I got a turn in the meatsack, Auth. So how about I just—" The girl reached out her hand, and with a wink, dove it straight into Vic's chest. 

Vic's breath caught. She wanted to scream, but nothing came out. The hand in her chest felt like a knife stabbing into her ribcage, and she felt herself blacking out. 

"Uh-uh, none of that. I need it awake."

The hand jerked, and then came the feeling of her very being being ripped apart, and when she tried to scream, she couldn't. 

"Enjoy incorporealism, Auth! It sucks!" 

Vic couldn't form another thought before eventing went black. 

[appletardx3]

Another mini campaign finished.

ANOTHER LONG READ GUYS I’d call them one offs, but honestly it lasted way more than one session.  It was probably another 10 hours?  Maybe a tad more.  But I didn’t stay up too horribly late this time spinning the tale. The campaign started off as Snax, the adorable master chef and armature sorcerer awoke in a spooky forest.  Now, because this was a solo one I allowed my friend the option of having an NPC with Snax, so Penny was chosen to again get involved in a Campaign.  Only this time she wasn’t missing, she got to actually be around. So Snax found Penny unconscious in the forest clearing same as him.  When he woke her she was a little defensive, but soon realized he was a friend in these strange new surroundings where tons of disembodied eyes were appearing out in the dark behind the trees.  Ahead, where the eyes are not, three pathways open up and both fail their perception saves. And yes, this. . . happens a lot. Snax picks the third path and they go running only to learn that they can’t go back as the forest is closing and changing around them.  Another pair of eyes appears behind them and perception checks are failed again.  I give the option to roll for initiative or do something else.  And well, that’s when Snax derailed EVERY SINGLE ENCOUNTER FOR THE FIRST HALF OF THE STORY.  SERIOUSLY. Snax puffed up his little Kobold chest and with a nat 20 on deception claimed to be the MOST POWERFUL SORCERER IN THE WORLD AND WOULD DESTROY THE ENTIRE FOREST WITH ONE SPELL.  And so, the pair of large eyes belonging to a beast, that they later learned was an illusion anyways, was never seen again and they continued on until finally, another fork in the changing pathways. A doll sat there at the fork.  Snax failed another perception roll and didn’t notice the eyes but Penny did.  Then she noticed more and more eyes down another path and more dolls strung about creepily so she opts for the clear path and Snax follows. And to be clear.  Penny didn’t really lead the way aside from this one point.  I’m just not that kind of DM.  So while I can have an NPC follow the party, or in this case Snax, it’s at the request of my players.  Other than that, my NPCS just come and go for story purpose only.  For the most part, she made sure Snax didn’t die when they eventually did fight things because he squishy and my friend didn’t want him to die. But more on that later. On this clear path they find a shrub curiously placed smack dab in the middle.  Finally they succeed a roll and notice it move.  An awakened shrub!  But it has those same yellow eyes that they have been seeing all around.  The shrub though, is hardly a threat and turns out to be a happy little leafy friend who tells Snax that he’s been sent there to wait on ‘The Woodsman’s’ orders.  Then he opens another path in the forest where more of those creepy dolls are hanging around. Snax is a little apprehensive to continue on because spooky, but the shrub tells him that the dolls are one of ‘her’ illusions and that it should be fine.  And it was!  Snax decides to follow this talking shrub down the path where they get to a bright clearing. There’s a cute little farm house with a vegetable garden and a shed.  An elderly bulky Dwarf hurries out of the garden and apologizes a few hundred times as he is the one who trapped them in the forest to bring them to him.  His little housemate though, she wanted them to leave.  She does not like visitors so she made it difficult.  And soon after that she is introduced;  A little Tiefling child named Nula who he’s taking care of who happens to be an extremely powerful illusionist. After apologies were out of the way the Dwarf revealed why he brought Snax and Penny here.  He needs help retrieving an herb as he is sick.  He had placed notices in towns around his forest but no one had answered, which is Nula’s fault but she doesn’t know her dear care taker is ill.  Snax and Penny agree to help and again the little shrub, who Snax names Aster, is called to guide the duo into the forest where The Woodsman does not control. His forest changes, but it doesn’t actually go anywhere.  Or else he could just go get this herb on his own by literally bringing the forest to it.  But he can’t do that.  How did he get Snax and Penny there then?  Shhhhhh.  Story. Anyways Snax and Penny enter this untamed forest.  It’s huge and dark.  And full of bugs.  They do run into an Owlbear with two cubs, but thanks to Snax they don’t get into a fight with it and they just kind of eye each other until the bear gets bored and leaves?  So.  Yep. Like, I swear.  My friend here is just really, REALLY, good at avoiding battles. After the Owlbear, and because I wanted at lease ONE encounter before the big bad in the cave, Aster comes running back to Snax and Penny.  “AHHH.  BEETLES.  THEY’LL EAT MY LEAVES” He yells and as he’s screaming three giant fire beetles come rushing towards the group.  But like, they’re just fire beetles.  Penny kills two easily with her morning star.  Then Snax, oh Snax, uses a FIRE BOLT IN THE MIDDLE OF A FOREST.  I mean, yeah, the beetle goes down but he sort of starts a forest fire. So Penny and Snax are frantically trying to put out this fire and poor little Aster is watching the carnage of them beating the flames out of these other plants that Snax had started in the first place. They eventually do put the fire out.  But Aster is a bit scared for life. So after traumatizing a sentient bush they finally make it to this cave that’s just filled with giant centipedes.  Like, there’s just. . . a lot.  They both end up taking some damage here but no one gets poisoned.  And the bugs are really easy to kill so it’s more of an annoying walk through these caverns. Then they reach the room where this medicinal plant grows and BOTH SNAX AND PENNY FAIL A PERCEPTION CHECK. So they enter this room and suddenly what’s essentially queen ghoma falls from the ceiling and screams at them.  They fall into an epic battle of Snax missing this giant thing EVERY SINGLE TIME and Penny actually gets hits in.  The ghoma fails a roll and clumsily SLAMS into the cave wall knocking itself dizzy for it’s next turn to which both Penny and Snax somehow fail to hit it?  I mean. . .the dice weren’t really all that nice.  But finally Snax gets a hit and finishes off the ghoma.  Penny kicks it’s corpse because she’s just so damn sick of these bugs and Snax talks some smack. Then they retrieve the plant. And the rest is. . . pretty uneventful.  They return through the forest and avoid any other encounters.  The Woodsman gives them both an emerald and finally tells them his name, Torer, and claims that the two of them will always be welcome in his woods.  You know, if his adopted Tiefling will allow it.  And then Penny and Snax part ways. It was a lot of fun!  I’m looking forward to DMing again.  But I’d also like to be a player eventually.  Ya know, if anyone wants to have a drunk Barbarian join in their adventure.  She’s dumb but a lot of fun! Until next time!

[thetradeway]

Session 28: 16 Jan 2021 ‘I don’t like it, Berk, not one bit’

We all join Discord in dribs and drabs, and there is some discussion of what went on last week. Wait - our elf!!

We make perception checks, Popcorn at advantage. Tarragon wakes first. We are back in our camp - but surrounded by runes and bright lights. A disembodied voice tells her that we were protected overnight, and that the half-elf gang have left no trace of where they went - and that “the elven nations will rise again”. The magic of the rune circle seems familiar, but Tarragon doesn’t know the spell.

Around the edge of the circle of runes there are scratch marks, as if woodland creatures have tried to get in but were unable to cross the threshold of runes. Gideon recognises it as protective magic. Gunna strolls across the edge of the circle - it shimmers and disappears. Gideon: “You broke it! Look what you’ve gone and done! 12D20 Necrotic damage.”

As Gunna steps across the runes, he goes over to the tree roots. Too late he sees an enormous toad that has been lurking - it jumps out at him. Ambush!! Gideon: “Gunna, have you got any dog treats??’’ If massive toads eat trail mix and beef jerky then sure. “What about a coconut?”

The toad bites Gunna’s top half, which is now inside it.

Initiative! What’s Ahleqs Dex, the DM wants to know? ‘It’s a secret.’

Popcorn is up - he rushes up and bites the thing. Gunna struggles to free himself and rolls a Nat 1. Shit.

(There is some discussion of what happened while we were out - the elves put us back in our camp and tucked us in, and it is decided that they also put clean underwear on us. A little intrusive but Gunna is pleased, because he did shit himself before last night’s battle.)

Ahleqs does some magic at it for 12 points of damage.

The toad swallows Gunna! He takes 10 points of acid damage. Right, that’s it. (Gideon has THE BEST idea. He knows how to get Gunna out of there.) The toad decides it’s off with its new meal. Tarragon, rolling up her sleeves: “Absolutely not.” 

Kessler is up. Lightning launcher. Can she use her second attack to grapple? Consensus says no. Fine, she will stab it in the neck. (Ahleqs muses that the locals probably have a special tool for extracting their friends from a giant toad. A toad-corer, or something.)

Gideon’s idea: he grabs sand and incense from his backpack and mushes it together, wrenches the toad’s mouth open and shoves it in to try and get it to puke Gunna up. He has to make a STR check - rolls an 8. He can do it at advantage! Yay! He rolls a 10. He gets some of it in. The toad rolls - below 10 he will puke. above 10 he will not. It quivers, belches, and pukes Gunna. Yay! He is covered in slime and acid; so much for the clean underwear.

Tarragon Thorn Whips her toad back and forth, for 11 damage. It’s looking rough. Popcorn gets the killing blow. (Tarragon can now be a giant toad if she wants.)

Kessler checks for any trace of Melaina, with Guidance, for a total of 22. She finds no tracks, and suspects that magic might be involved in hiding their traces. She does find a stray arrow, and believes it to be Melaina’s. Ahleqs jokingly suggests letting Popcorn sniff it; Tarragon decides this is a great idea. She lets him sniff the arrow but he can’t find any trace of Melaina apart from next to the tree.

Gunna looks at his maps; it turns out that he kept drawing as the mushrooms were kicking in so they’re not super helpful. He then realises that we have missed the floating circus that was coming to town in Waterdeep; it was advertised in the paper. Dammit.

Ahleqs climbs a tree to look for any trace of the half-elf gang; he makes athletics checks to ascend. Gunna suggests using the toad as a trampoline. Then we decide to move it under the tree for when - not if - Ahleqs falls.

He actually doesn’t fall, but manages to see some smoke rising in the distance to the north east, though he can’t quite tell how far. He shouts down; Tarragon hears him, and notes how impressed she is with his bravery. He gets almost all the way back down before rolling an 8; but he doesn’t fall.

We pack up and head north east.

(Melaina’s captors are treating her well; they keep casting Pass Without Trace. She keeps trying to leave tracks for us to follow, but they melt into the surrounding scenery. She hears talk of a princess, and there is more talk of meeting other elves to hand her over, to ‘be with her own kind’. They don’t seem to mean her harm. She can’t tell with a nat 1 if she is the princess of which they are speaking. She is magically restrained, but walking. They have her surrounded. She tries to get them to explain what’s going on, rolls an 11. They say they are taking her to an old elf ruin in the forest that was part of an ancient sun elf empire. There are elves living in the ruins, trying to rebuild it. They pay relics for the gang of half-elves to gather up more elves and bring them there.)

The trees where we are are enormous. We make Perception checks; Gunna can’t see any signs of the smoke Ahleqs saw, but he does find more mushrooms. He picks them and puts them in his backpack for later. Tarragon sees some druidic runes on the rocks. Most are fairly innocuous trail markers pointing to water, but it’s an odd dialect. She thinks it’s Firbolg. They are known to hide their dwellings with illusion spells. They are friendly as long as respect is shown for the forest. The runes are markers for berries and water, that sort of thing. No warnings. This part of the forest is under their protection.

Tarragon leaves another druidic message to tell them that we are here, we’ve lost our friend and if they can offer any help we are travelling north-east. Gideon, having been told that Firbolg are sort of humanoid cow people, practices mooing in order to converse with any Firbolg we run into. ‘Moo! We come in peace! Moo! Moo!’

We search for breakfast; there is plenty around. Tarragon helps Ahleqs with which berries are safe and which are poisonous. Suddenly Popcorn starts to get excited; has someone fallen down a well?

He darts off into the woods - we follow. (Ahleqs rolls a nat20 for a 19 total athletics. Strength is a dump stat, for him.) We keep pace, until we reach a clearing. Popcorn stops in front of a tree. The bark starts to shift into a face. Ahleqs does a little scream.

It speaks in elvish: “in the forest i got it so I sat down to seek it, since I couldn’t find it I took it home with me.” 

Ah, a riddle. Our strong suit. (Matthew riffs off of Rude Tales and Riddle Guy 97 for a bit). We throw out a bunch of guesses, none of which the face responds to. Gunna suggests giving the face some Sex Thumb. Gideon thinks it might have some pepper spray in its barky pocket.

Is it, ‘yourself’? The face doesn’t respond. Melaina’s lost forever, and we’re never leaving this tree. (DM offers us another riddle if we don’t want to spend an hour thinking about this one.) We roll WIS checks and get a clue - which is, ‘ouch’. A splinter!

The air shimmers. We find ourselves in a clearing, with a treehouse. Does Ahleqs think this is about where the fire was that he saw a while ago? Intelligence check: 18. Yes, it would have been around here. A warm hearth and maybe a cup of tea might be in the offing. There is a big door in the tree - Gunna knocks. Ahleqs hides behind the nearest person, ‘even if they’re a gnome or goblin’.

Gideon yells: ‘hello!!’ The door opens and a female firbolg appears. She’s very pretty. Gideon decides he’s our ambassador; Gunna tries to cover his mouth.

The firbolg greets us and asks what we’re doing here. We lost our elf, Gunna explains what happened. A bunch of other elves stole her. The firbolg looks perplexed - we were attacked by elves? We explain that they wanted our elf, but she didn’t want to go so they forced us by fighting and took her. Does she know where a gang of half-elves might hang out so we can go and do diplomacy at them to get our friend back?

This seems to surprise the firbolg. This forest is home to half-elf renegades, but they’re usually decent people. Gideon lies and says he saw one scratching his name into a tree, but rolls a nat 1 on deception. The firbolg is not impressed. (It’s a bit like Gimli when he talks to Galadriel and gets all flustered and asks for a lock of her hair.)

The firbolg addresses Tarragon. Do we have anything that belonged to our friend? Yes, we have her arrow. If Tarragon will help her ask the spirits, they might help us find Melaina.

There is a standing stone in the glade; she leads Tarragon to it and asks her to sit. The others follow. (Ahleqs has heard stories about druids dancing naked in the forest so he trails behind, face bright red.)

Has Tarragon dealt with forest spirits before? DM says Not directly. They can be tricksy, so be prepared.

The Firbolg starts humming and rocking back and forth. The wind starts to pick up, and little dust devils spring up. Tarragon makes a concentration check at advantage and gets TWO NAT 20s!!!!! The awesomeness is too much for Discord, which boots all of us off at once.

Little stones and pebbles start to levitate. The wind whips up into a crescendo until it drops suddenly. The arrow is transformed into a green pulsing orb. The firbolg tells us to follow it and it will lead us to Melaina.

Can we do anything to thank her? We have treated her forest with respect, so she says that’s enough. Gunna offers her one of those necromantic red seeds; she accepts and says she will plant it, excited to see what comes up. After some discussion we decide that it wasn’t the one that needs a corpse to grow. It was the one that was used to make the healing bread, and Tarragon sold the recipe so we can’t make any anyway.

Do we need healing potions? Some of us take a few. What can we give her to pay for them, considering that she has no use for money? We all sort through our belongings and come up with some bagpipes, an abacus…

Gideon debates keeping the bagpipes. Can he play them? He can try. They remain, however, the devil’s instrument. He makes a performance check and rolls a 16, but he’s playing a Rod Stewart song so everyone hates it.

Ahleqs offers to do a trick in exchange for potions; if the firbolg is impressed enough she will accept. He lights Simon. He rolls a 10 on his performance, but luckily she thinks it’s cute so she accepts. Gunna swaps his obsidian monkey for a potion. Kessler exchanges some silver earrings; the firbolg twists them around and puts them in her hair.

Gunna asks her name; she says people call her Dana (DAH-na). She wishes us luck, and says she’s certain our friend is fine if she’s with the half-elves.

Tarragon gives Dana her lucky pocket stone.

We leave and as we look back, the firbolg dwelling disappears into the surrounding forest.

(The half-elves lead Melaina through the forest - she sees tall white marble pillars coming up. She thinks this must be the ruins. She makes an escape attempt but it fails. She is told to hear the elves out and they are sure they will let her go if she doesn’t want to stay. They then put her in a cage on top of a tower, thus immediately contradicting themselves. Melaina notices a pale-haired elf gliding up the steps; she eavesdrops on the conversation that happens between this new elf and the half-elf gang that brought her here. The new elf is saying thank you for retrieving her ‘guest.’ She gives them an item that she says is from a long-fallen elven civilisation, presumably in payment. The half-elves leave. ‘Most people give out pamphlets,’ Melaina tells the pale-haired elf as she approaches Melaina’s cage.)

Back with Team Sweet Flips, we make athletic/acrobatic checks to keep up with the orb leading us to Melaina. It leads us to the DLC area, aka. the marble tower. (We didn’t know we had the Game of the Year edition.) Go stealth? There’s a discussion. Gunna decides we’re done and goes up to a door and knocks on it. Kessler hides.

Gideon demonstrates his Deep Speech; it gives Ahleqs a stomach ache. We move through the ruins, which seem uninhabited. We reach a tower with stairs leading up it. Gunna shouts, ‘Oi, flat top!’

Melaina feels judged under the gaze of the pale elf, who says with disgust that Melaina isn’t a sun elf but perhaps she will do. ‘The devils aren’t picky’. Um - the whomst???

Melaina gets the distinct impression that she won’t be allowed to leave after all.

We start climbing the stairs and hear whispered voices in elvish - Tarragon translates while Ahleqs casts Light. (Tarragon gets a dirty 20, with Guidance, on Perception to hear the voices.)

The elves are talking about demons and devils. It seems that Melaina is going to be offered to them - not as a sacrifice but to be impregnated????? We decide to impose some diplomacy, with axes, immediately. Roll initiative.

Gunna goes first, rushes into the room and hates everything he sees except Melaina. He decides to go out of character and use some actual diplomacy, and says ‘have a nice trip’ - while attacking with a longsword and forcing a STR save. The elf fails and is knocked prone. He action surges and attacks twice more, at advantage because of the prone-ness. He forces a WIS save, which the elf fails, and should be Frightened of him - but she isn’t. A tough cookie, this one.

13 MISSES, 24 HITS

Ahleqs is up next. He holds an Eldritch Bl - no, he Dashes instead to get into the room. Popcorn Dashes as well, to flank the fallen elf with Gunna. Kessler wants to remain hidden. She wanted to fire her lightning launcher but the elf is prone so she would have Disadvantage; she is advised OOC to roll high numbers. She does a level 2 Magic Missile instead. The elf reaction-shields. Well, shit.

All the talk of demons has raised Gideon’s religious ire, so he charges to the top of the stairs yelling that we would see the demons dead!!! The elf is still prone. One sec… Does she have weapons? No. She did cast Shield, so probably a magic user. She has a pretty, booby dress on, we are told. He casts Chill Touch.

16 MISSES

Gideon: “Bugger! Let’s kick her face in!”

Tarragon becomes a furious bear.

Melaina doesn’t have any of her stuff, so she Mage Hands her thieves tools to herself.

The elf uses half her movement to stand up. She looks at us with disgust and says, ‘how dare you touch me?’ Gunna spits in her mouth. Horns sprout from her head and leathery wings come out from her back. OH FUCCCCKKKKKK NOT AN ELF NOT AN ELF NOT AN ELF ABORT ABORT ABORT

She flies into the air - ‘on fell wings’ - about 20 feet up. Then she mutters something in abyssal, (‘This might not even be her final form!!’ Gideon, don’t say things like that….) (Ed gets a knot in his hair and tries to comb it out, succeeding only in pulling it.)

Oh shit there’s boss music!! We are so fucked.

The abyssal did something we think, because she seems to be summoning horrible little creatures. (Gunna: ‘Why couldn’t it have been ducks? A level 1 and a level 9 duck are pretty much the same…’) There’s a minute or so while Joe puts everything in the order.

She casts Fireball - turns out the Summons were not Summoned, they just appeared from hiding. She hits Gunna, Gideon and bear-Tarragon, and we all fail our saves. Gideon will walk it off, it’s only 27 points of fire damage.

Something casts Fetid Cloud (shouts of ‘Gideon!’. It wasn’t him, he swears. He offers to respond with his own? We decline.) It’s a dretch, and it proceeds to attack Popcorn. Gunna casts Banishment. And Dispel Magic. And Counterspell. “It’s a special Northman skill.” The DM does not buy it.

The dretch bites at Popcorn but misses. Then it slashes at his belly, and hits. Shit.

Gunna attacks the dretch that attacked Popcorn, and hits, then hits again - and kills it! Yay!

16 HITS THE DRETCH

Gideon is playing with his voice changer again.

Ahleqs, save the day! Or turn into a plant pot. Either’s good. He did see Tarragon turn into a bear, so he knows that’s her. ‘What are these little fellas, what we got here?’ He does an Arcana check for a 12, and knows that they are quasits - sometimes kept as familiars. He does Fireball at the big demon bitch, since she’s 20 feet up and he won’t get us with the blast radius. She fails her save - aw yisssss. She is engulfed in the fireball. We expect to see her charred body once the flame clears, but she emerges barely singed. Resistant to fire, then. Coolcoolcoolcoolcool, nodoubtnodoubtnodoubtnodoubtnodoubt.

(Oh shit, Ahleqs is still blue!)

He balls up his courage, thinks of Mr Pickles and stands his ground. Today is a day for heroics.

The quasit tries to Scare Gunna - he makes a WIS save and passes. The quasit claws at bear-Tarragon’s nose and almost gnomes her. A Babau does a Weakening Gaze on Gunna but he passes his CON save.

Something else casts Darkness on Gunna, so he is blind. Fuck!

Kessler uses her Lightning Launcher but misses both times. She retreats back round a corner out of line of sight. Smart. (She is told that the flying demon can probably still see her, so she back up a bit more.)

Gideon decides to try a Summons of his own. He casts Summon Undead! Wait, he’s too poor and can’t afford the 300gp. Scratch that. No - DM rules that he can use his spellcasting focus. Woohoo! He summons a skeletal undead. Pop! ‘Ha - behold!’ (He drag-and-drops onto the map and it has its own little icon - cool!) He issues a verbal command to the skeleton (named Rusty) - ‘Skewer that demon!’ (He thinks briefly that Rusty has a Putrid Aura, but is mistaken - ‘no, that’s you’, Melaina tells him.) Rusty does a Grave Bolt, but rolls a 6. ‘You fool Rusty! Try it with precision!’

Bear-Tarragon tears the head off a quasit with her teeth and spits it across the room.

Melaina picks the lock on her cage with a 26 and escapes. She goes to collect her weapons and other stuff, then crouches down amongst her gubbins and rocks and stuff and has a bit of a hide.

The remaining quasit frightens Tarragon, who rolls a nat 1 on her save. It attacks her as well, but misses.

Another dretch casts Fetid Cloud on Gunna - its only the third most disgusting thing he’s ever smelled.

Something swipes at Rusty, but misses, and Rusty gives us a sample of his Southern accent, then chatters in a boney, skeleton-y way.

Another dretch slashes at Popcorn, doing 23 damage. Ahleqs makes a WIS save… bear with him… he uses ToC to give himself advantage. He rolls a 14, which is still a fail. He is suddenly infatuated with the demon. Aroused and ashamed, he can’t look away. He cannot attack her or cause her harm now. This is way worse than the time he fell in love with the daughter of the guy next door.

ToC - for the next minute he must shout when he speaks. He’s screaming anyway, so that’s fine. The demon does Tasha’s Mind Whip on… who? Bear Tarragon, fuck. She fails her save.

This attack re-gnomes her, and in addition she can’t take a reaction, and next turn can move, or take an action, or take a bonus action. Nasty.

Gunna attacks something with his longsword, at disadvantage because he’s still in the dark and therefore blind. He feels a splash of blood on his skin. He takes another swing. After that, it occurs to him that he could be hitting one of us. (Joe would ask how-de-do-dis, but Gunna has no idea because he can’t see.) He rolls to see which direction he wanders in. He should be careful or the headline will be: Blind adventurer stumbles off tower. Good luck guys, Gunna will see us on the other side.

Ahleqs wants to know if he can cast a spell on something behind the demon and if she’s in the way then she’s in the way. Probably not. He casts Witch Bolt on something else instead, for a 22, and does 22 lightning damage. How de do dis!

he screams “I’M SORRY!!!” as it explodes into chunks. Some of them hit Popcorn, and some of them hit something unseen. Sneaky. Ahleqs repeats his save vs the Charm spell, with adv. from ToC, but still fails. All his hair falls out. Now he’s a little bald, blue man.

It’s the secret friend’s turn. It does something to Gunna, but he’s gone for a poo (probably) so we wait for him to come back. He sees red eyes moving in the magical darkness, and a wizened skull face. What kind of armour is he wearing? (Never a good question.) Studded leather. The studs on his armour start to heat up. Ah, fuck. He makes a CON save and fails, taking 4 fire damage - for a start. Until the spell ends he can be caused another 4 damage on each of the creature’s turns, and gets disadvantage on all checks and saves. Oh, fuck!

Kessler pops back into the room. She takes aim at the flappy demon in the air with her Lightning Launcher, and misses. Twice. She needs to recalibrate the laser space torpedos. Ahleqs, who is in something far darker and more disgusting than love with the demon, is horrified. All these feelings…

Kessler hides, insisting that her power armour is in Infiltrator mode (cue jokes about Bumblebee hiding behind a rock on the beach) and then to add to this hilarity, she rolls a nat 1.

Grease wizard is up. He makes a CON save for a 21, vs the Fetid Cloud. He shrugs it off. “I’ve smelled worse in the slave pits of - well, we won’t go there. Right, you, foul demon lady!” He finds himself closer to her than he thought, and backs up. “The plan, naturally, is of course, to… er… I had planned to run up and shocking grasp her, but I forgot she was flying. Well… Er… Most of my spells are burning related and therefore pretty useless. How high can I jump? Perhaps I can Thunderwave her. Where there’s a grease wizard, there’s a way.” There’s some fumbling, then he works out he can jump 3 feet. Not quite gonna cut it. Can he get a boost, from Trusty Rusty? Yes! The plan is to parkour off of Rusty, five feet up, then Thunderwave the demon bitch. He has to make STR check for Rusty first. 10 will do it! Under her, mid-air, he Thunderwaves her.

It’s a CON save for demon bitch, who makes the save. “Damn and blast.” Gideon lands in a disappointed heap on the floor. She takes half damage and isn’t pushed; he was hoping to knock her into the ceiling. DM thought that was epic. She takes the damage - she’s not resistant to Thunder. It doesn’t break concentration on the Charm spell though, as that’s a racial ability. Rusty does a Grave Bolt for 11 Necrotic damage, which pisses Gideon off a bit. “Outclassed by my own summon.” 

Tarragon Thorn Whips the quasit but misses. Grr.

Gunna asks how tall the tower is? About 100 feet. If he does fall off, that will probably kill him. Also he’s a bit on fire. He’s scrambling to take his armour off; it would be a noble death. Or not.

Melaina hides with a nat 20 for 30 total. She is hidden from big demon bitch, after some scuffling and shouting over Joe. (‘Stop interrupting the DM, you lot!’) She Sharpshoots it for a 19. Now let’s be clear. She rolls a nat 1 for her damage - and still does 26 points of piercing damage. What a badass.

Demon bitch Cure Wounds herself. (We are furious; when the DM does that it’s definitely cheating.) Then she casts Inflict Wounds, swooping down on Tarragon - no she doesn’t, actually. Ha. She doesn’t have enough movement. She moves closer; Tarragon sees she is darkly beautiful, and doesn’t like the feelings it produces. Demon bitch casts Tasha’s Caustic Brew, and Tarragon fails her Dex save. She will take acid damage until she takes an action to remove it from her body.

Gunna is right on the edge, but makes a Perception check and knows that’s where he is and not to move forward. He takes off his armour. (This will take him a minute - ten rounds. Might be better toughing it out…? If he gets hit without armour, that will definitely do more than 1D4 damage a round.) His stumbling has brought him close to Ahleqs, who is also now blinded. (He feels a strong urge to find a way out of the dark so he can get another glimpse at the beautiful demon.)

Ahleqs backs up a bit more. He can only see his love, now. (Wait, where’s Popcorn in the order? He must have fallen out somehow. I roll for him and Joe puts him back in. Popcorn can take an action and ready another, if he likes, on his turn.) Ahleqs casts Eldritch Blast - the first misses but the second hits. He does 7HP to a quasit, which bursts in a cloud of filth. He makes another save vs the Charm and fails again. ToC - he gains resistance to all damage for the next minute. Sweet.

Popcorn readies an action, there being nothing he can see that he could reach.

It’s our invisible friend’s turn. The good news for Gunna is that the darkness falls and he regains his sight, and his armour stops burning him. The bad news is that Kessler has to make a CON save - which she fails. Her armour starts to burn her. Invisible friend reveals himself - it looks like a black bin bag with horns. (Joe shows us a picture; Sophie thinks this guy needs to see an orthodontist as soon as possible and she’s not wrong. A mani-pedi wouldn’t go amiss, either.)

Kessler takes another 5 fire damage at the start of her turn, from the scorchio armour. She goes for the new guy with a dagger and hits for 6 piercing damage - then goes again for another 6. It seems resistant to that kind of damage, however. Cooooooooool. ‘Fuck you, creature, fuck you.’ She bonus-action-disengages, and backs down the stairs.

Grease wizard and Rusty are up. What are they doing? ‘Good question. Well. Shit.’ Uh… Perhaps a Chill Touch? ‘Alight, alight I say!’ 11 to hit? Yeah, nah. Bugger! ‘Rusty - Skewer!’ ‘Okay boss,’ in a hillbilly accent. Rusty misses too. ‘Ah no!’

Tarragon uses her action to remove the acid. Riveting stuff.

Melaina hides and shoots for a fuck ton of damage.

(Joe tells us that he’s read Demon bitch’s spells and has tactically decided not to use one of them, because it could reduce one of us to ash. We all breathe sighs of relief.) Demon bitch does Mind Whip against Melaina, who fails her save and takes 13 PSY damage.

Gunna’s armour is no longer on fire, so he drops his sword and shield on the ground to pull out his longbow. (Oo-er.) He shoots at demon bitch, aiming at her wings, hoping to knock her out of the sky (a fighter ability, I think). He hits - but she reaction-shields. He fires again, hits for a 21! She is forced to make STR save (From Joe’s voice, not something she’s good at). She gets a 19, however. She takes the damage, but is not knocked out of the sky. Booh.

Ahleqs does Witch Bolt on New Guy, 25 hits for 30 Lightning damage. Woah! It doesn’t do as much damage as he hoped, however. ToC - he casts Mirror Image. A whole bunch of extra Ahleqses appear, all bald, blue and shouting.

Popcorn rushes over to New Guy and makes a multi-attack - but both miss. Gunna yells at him not to be a hero, but he’s very stupid and doesn’t understand.

New Guy causes Kessler another 5 fire damage from her superheated armour. (Ahleqs remembers he was supposed to make a save vs the Charm spell. Can he use ToC twice? Yes, and he makes the save and the Charm drops. He is immediately disgusted with himself. His ToC makes every creature within 30 feet of him are now vulnerable to piercing damage for the next minute. Which is most of us, and none of the baddies. Awesome.)

New guy is a Babau. It takes an opportunity attack from Popcorn who hits it, and is only slightly disappointed at the little amount of damage it takes. The Babau attacks Gunna (who has dropped his shield), and does 10 piercing damage.

Kessler makes a CON save to see if she can attack without disadvantage from her fiery armour, and passes. She takes another 5 fire damage but is not hampered. She shoots some lightning at the babau and gets a solid hit with a 26, for 14 damage. He takes half damage, but he takes it. Kessler shouts, “Oi, we haven’t finished over here!” She shoots again with a dirty 20, for another 6 points (halved) and slams a healing potion for her bonus action.

Grease wizard’s mic has been broken for the last half hour; he’s been chatting away to himself without realising why none of his jokes were landing. Lol. He Chill Touches the demon lady but misses. He does a battle cry, which Kessler mistakes for his hernia cry.

Rusty has a go and whiffs. DM: ‘Rusty done fucked up.’

Tarragon Healing Word’s Gunna for 7 HP (without two rage damage on top). She Thorn Whips the demon bitch but misses, and moves forward to menace her from the ground.

Melaina sharpshoots something but misses. Shit. She can’t do anything else because of Tasha’s Mind Whip; Tasha has turned on her.

It’s the Babau’s turn. It casts Confusion on Kessler and Popcorn; they both fail their WIS saves. Popcorn, for his part, is only mildly more confused than he normally is.

Gunna slams a potion, and brandishes his silvered battle axe. He attacks the babau two handed with an 18, forcing a STR save. It passes. Dammit. It still takes 8 slashing damage. Gunna attacks again with a natty 20! That misses. (lol.) He’s got a critical hit deck; he clicks on that to see what happens. No table found with that name. DM, fed up with roll20’s bullshit: ‘Shitty death.’ He’s doing slashing damage, so it is a slash to the ribs for max damage. (which is halved, but still.) Noice! He forces another STR save, which the Babau fails. Woo! It’s knocked prone. He legs it back to his sword and shield.

Ahleqs’s Witch Bolt from last turn can do damage on this turn as well - it’s halved, but it still takes it.

Popcorn rolls a 9 for the Confusion spell, which lets him move and act normally. (For an already confused creature, magical confusion doesn’t do much.) He rushes over to the Babau and multi-attacks it, hitting both times. The damage is halved but Popcorn is still pretty happy with that. The Babau stands up and skewers him for 9HP. Nooo! This is the babau’s last warning - he’s attacking everyone’s favourite party member, here.

Kessler has to attack someone at random; she rolls a d8, to attack Gideon. ‘Betrayal! Racial profiling!’ She rolls a 17 to hit (is she playing Among Us, or something?) This is not going to look good on her performance review. She’s fired. She gets a multi-attack and rolls to hit Rusty. NooO! (Rusty has less cute appeal than Popcorn; waft of the grave is less appealing.)

There’s a lot of shouting as everyone talks at once. Rusty, momentarily dropping the hillbilly accent: ‘I don’t like it, Berk, not one bit’

Gideon attacks Kessler back; this has been brewing for a while, let’s be honest. He justifies it by saying perhaps it’ll knock some sense into her. He does a Thunderwave - Kessler fails her save and flies ten feet backward. Off the tower? Gideon: ‘one can only hope.’ No, only ten feet. ‘But if I did it again…’

Kessler can make her save again as she’s taken damage, but fails again. Rusty Grave Bolts the demon lady, but misses.

Tarragon Healing Word’s Gunna again, and Thorn Whips demon bitch - she hits this time, but only 3 points of damage. Not halved though, so yay.

Melaina moves and tries to hide behind the cage; she’s an elf so she can hide in drizzle if she wants. Popcorn is engaged with the Babau (Melaina thought they were only going out!) so Melaina gets advantage - she sharpshoots, but misses.

Demon bitch casts Inflict Wounds on Ahleqs, but misses. He is very lucky, because she cast that at a higher level.

Gunna improvises a weapon using his sword - hits demon bitch with the handle end. No, he swats her with his shield, like she’s a giant mosquito. The idea is to do some fancy fighter moves and use his bonus action to grapple her. 13 to hit? That misses. He uses Unarmed Strike for a 22, and 6 bludgeoning. He makes a grapple attempt - contested STR checks. He beats her, handily, and grapples her.

Ahleqs still has Witch Bolt up. Lightning damage don’t impress her much, but he goes for it anyway. He uses ToC because he’s terrified of her, and casts it at level 2. 17 just hits, phew. 19 damage. 1D6 flumphs appear; and are frightened of Ahleqs. He rolls - a six. Maximum flumphs. Gideon decides to try all his languages until he finds one they understand.

Joe calls it there. Before we go, Gideon asks how the demon lady is looking - makes an Investigation check for a 14. She looks bruised and bloodied. ‘Is it coming out of her nose mouth and eyes?’ No, she looks a bit heroin chic, but not quite on her last legs.

Melaina (Mialee???) can make a History check at advantage - for a 13. She can’t remember much but she thinks this woman is some kind of half-elf, half-demon hybrid. ‘Disgusting!’ ‘Disgraceful!’ ‘Shocking!’ ‘Let’s put it in the ground!’

Right. Same time next week :)

[doomshakalaka42-blog]

Episode 3--Wherein High-level Adventurers Learn About Dry-Erase Boards, Math Teachers, and Nerds

Grandar: Our scene opens in a sparsely furnished, but brightly lit room. Only rows of small desks fill the otherwise unremarkable space. You five are the only students present. A middle-aged teacher of mathematic courses sits at the front of the room, looking unimaginably bored.

Elithier: Okay. I examine our surroundings for any clues to where we are.

Fredge rolls her eyes.

Fredge: Probably in a mathematics course.

Elithier: Well she’s not teaching, so I looks for clues anyway.

Grandar: The door has a window in it, made of glass.

Fredge: Ooh. Fancy.

Grandar: There is a word painted on the glass, but it faces the outside, and looks backwards to you. Roll intelligence to decipher it.

Elithier: Oh, yeah. I’m the brains, here. I got this.*rolls* Ha! Net 16.

Grandar: You can easily read backwards. The sign on the door says “Detention”.

Elithier: We start the campaign trapped in a prison. That is so classic. I love it.

Anoch: Well, my character doesn’t. I’m out of here.

Grandar: You get up, and start to walk toward the door, when the professor says, “Where do you think you’re going, son?”

Anoch: Well, there’s only one door, so… and I point at toward the door.

Grandar: The professor leans back in her chair, and turns a page in her book. “Do what you want. But it’s no skin off my nose when you get expelled. Your choice.”

Anoch: Expelled?

Grandar: “Don’t pretend that this isn’t the fifth time you’ve been sent to detention this term. You know the consequences.”

Anoch: I guess I probably do know the consequences. I just have to decide whether I would care.

Elithier: I’m the brainy character. And as the brainy one, I tell… what’s your character’s name?

Anoch: Nick.

Elithier: Nick? Like, “I nicked my sword on that guy’s spine?”

Anoch looks at her with a complete deadpan expression.  

Anoch: It’s short for Nicolas, but I figured my guy would hate that, and want to shorten it.

Elithier: Anyway, I tell Nick, “Hey, don’t do anything dumb, okay? Getting kicked out is a big deal.”

Anoch: I look at her character, and roll my eyes. No one asked you, nerd! But I sit back down, anyway.

Grandar: “You should listen to…” she consults a list to find your name, Elithier, since your character has never been in detention before.

Elithier: N’thaniel.

Fredge rolls her eyes again.

Fredge: We are humans, you “nerd”. You should have a name that doesn’t sound elvish.

Elithier: Why?

Fredge: For me? Do it for me. I mean, look at this face? How could you not?

Elithier smirks and sticks out her tongue.

Elithier: Fine. For you. How about Nathan?

Fredge: Hmm. Yes. Yes, I like it.

Grandar: Alright. “Yes, you should listen to Nathan. He manages to stay out of detention. Most of the time.” She looks at you right in the eyes, because she knows the reason you did end up here in detention, and it’s not pretty.

Elithier: Ooh, what did I do?

Grandar slides a piece of parchment over to Elithier. Elithier reads it and grins.

Elithier: I like it. And no, Fredge, I’m not telling you. Yet.

Jeffron: What did I do to get here?

Grandar: The entire school knows what you did. It’s not a secret that you took another nerd into the privy, dunked his head into it, and then used a heavy-duty adhesive to tie him up and bind him to the seat of the privy, with his face only inches above the water.

Everyone: Ahh! Gross!

Grandar: It’s not sewage. This high technology school has water that rushes through tubes, to carry the waste away. It’s very fancy. Honestly, the worst part is tying him up so that his face is on the seat.

Elithier: By all the gods, that’s almost as bad as mine. No, Fredge, I’m still not telling you. Yet.

Grandar passes papers to the rest of the players.

Grandar: Here is what the rest of you did to get into detention. You can share, or keep it to yourself, as you like.

Fredge: I just sassed a professor. Yeah, sounds like me. Oh, and I’m whispering this, so the teacher doesn’t take an interest in our conversation.

Anoch: I started a fire in the kitchen during meal time, while a lot of students were nearby. This time, anyway. Apparently my record is long and colorful. What about you? How’d you get detention, quiet girl in the corner?

Lutego: I’m Amy, and I think I’ll keep mine to myself, for now. It’s not as crazy as the others, but my character is quiet. She doesn’t talk to people easily.

Jeffron: I lean over to Nick and say, “My name is Jake. I don’t want to stay here either. Got any good plans?”

Anoch: I shrug. My intelligence is middling, at best. I guess that’s why I keep getting caught.

Elithier: I’m the one you should be talking to. I’ve got brains.

Jeffron: Okay, so what’s your plan?

Elithier: I look around the room again. Can I figure out how the teacher will know when we’re supposed to be let out?

Grandar: You see a bell, high up on the wall. You also see a timekeeping device next to the bell.

Elithier smirks

Elithier: I’ve got something. I think I can get us out of here, if someone distracts the professor for a few minutes. Get her to turn away from us.

Fredge waves her hand in the air.

Fredge: Oh, that’s me. I have charisma through the roof. *rolls* Yes! I got 13. With my charisma bonus and fast talk skills that comes to a net 21. Okay, um. “Hey, professor! My name is Gabriela, and I’m having trouble with this mathematics question on my schoolwork.” I get up and go to the teacher. Is there a slate board or something here?

Grandar: Yes. Behind the teacher, on the wall, is a large board. It isn’t slate, though. It’s white, made out of a shiny, smooth material. The teacher picks up a colored pen, and writes on the wall board. “Alright, then. Go ahead and give me the problem. I’ll work it out for you up here.” She looks a little less bored than before. She obviously enjoys her subject matter.

Fredge: Excellent. Okay. I’m going to keep chatting with her and asking questions about the schoolwork while Nathan does his thing. What’s the plan?

Elithier: I want to use my knowledge: gadgets to change the time in the time-keeping device. Then I want to rig the bell to ring right after I sit back down.

Grandar: Okay. They’re high up on the wall. Go ahead and roll knowledge: gadgets twice. First for the time. Second for the bell. Then make a dex roll to see if you can get down and sit back in your seat without drawing attention to yourself or your gadgets.

Elithier: *rolls* 7. With my intelligence plus my gadgets, that’s an 11.

Grandar: The time keeping device is relatively simple. An 11 will be just enough to make it say the correct time.

Elithier: Whew. Okay. *rolls* HA! Nat 20! Critical success! That brings it to net 24, in case that makes any difference.

Grandar: You easily find the mechanisms inside the bell. They make perfect sense to you, and you have it do exactly what you want. Now roll Dex.

Elithier: Eesh. Dex is not my highest trait. I’m rolling at a -1. *rolls* Ahhh! 3!

Grandar: You tumble off of the small desk you used to reach the devices, and land with a loud crash on top of Jake’s desk. Take one falling damage.

Elithier: Ow.

Grandar: The teacher spins around to see you there, having landed hard atop the desk. She eyes you with suspicion.

Jeffron: Right as the professor turns, I want to stand up and raise my fist high, like I’m about to punch Nathan in the face.

Grandar: Roll deception.

Jeffron: *rolls*. Okay, I got a 10. Is that good?

Elithier leans over to look at his parchment. She points at several numbers.

Elithier: Alright, so you add intelligence, for a deception roll. Yours isn’t great, so you get plus zero. But you also have a +3 for deception, and nerds are your natural enemies for another +1, so it’s a 14 all together.

Grandar: Okay. That’s enough. She looks at you suspiciously for a second, but doesn’t question the fact that you’d beat up another nerd. “Boys! What did I say earlier? Do you want to get expelled? Let him up this instant.”

Jeffron: I keep my fist raised just long enough to make it convincing, then I lower it and sit down.

Elithier: I whisper to him “nice” even though I am still a nerd, and not sure that he won’t punch me for real. I’m hoping that me getting him out of here will help my case.

Jeffron: Jake reserves judgment on the nerd until we see if the plan works.

Elithier: Fair enough. I got a crit, so I’m confident in my plan. I sit down in my seat also. It should only be a few minutes before the bell rings.

Grandar: You all wait, as the seconds tick by. The teacher suspects nothing. She doesn’t even look at the time device until the bell goes off. Because of your critical success, though, it’s not just your bell that rings. All of the bells in the entire school go off at the same time. Everywhere you hear classroom doors flying open, and students flooding into the hallways. The school day still has two hours left, but that knowledge doesn’t seem to be enough to deter the students from rushing outside. In your small classroom, the teacher looks up at the time dial, seeming very confused. But it says the correct time for when the bell should ring.

Anoch: I’m getting out. There’s nothing stopping me.

Jeffron: Same. Let’s go.

Grandar: You all head into the hallway, where hundreds of other students are talking and laughing and unlocking tall, metal chests in which they keep their school things. You know that the deception will get found out sooner rather than later, and that the many professors will attempt to corral the students back into the rooms.

Jeffron: I look at the others and say, “Let’s make like a tree and get out of here.”

Elithier: “It’s leave,” I tell him.

Jeffron cracks a small smile.

Jeffron: In real life I know that. But Jake is a little dumb. He kinda just looks at you and sticks with his flawed pun.

Fredge: Sounds good to me. Let’s make like trees and get out of here.  

[jq37]

The Report Card – Fantasy High Sophomore Year Ep 3

 Thanks, I Hate It!

This week, we move forward by first jumping backwards. Last episode, the Bad Kids found that Riz and Fig were missing. Now, we get to see what happened in the meantime. Riz was in his office, trying to put together anything new on the Nightmare King. We’re reminded that his sword--the Sword of Shadows which he got from the arcade and lets him misty step (also, which he used to kill Kalvaxus)--was made by Tabaxi ninjas (seemingly relevant considering the whole Shadowcat thing). He notices that, in his photo, Kalina’s image doesn’t look as time-worn as the rest of it, as if only the part where she appears was protected. He hears a noise and goes to investigate. What he finds, is a creepy-ass nightmare skeleton person in the mirror claiming to be Baron, from the Baronees (the person he on the fly lied--poorly--that he was dating in ep 1). Respecting the fact that Murph never clarified whether Baron was a guy or a girl, Brennan has Baron exclusively refer to themselves as Riz’s R̵̪̹̄o̸̱͝m̸͔͔̂̽a̴͕̾̈́n̵͙̬͒c̸̣̏͠ḙ̸̃̓ ̶̞̇̕P̸̞͚̈́a̸͉͒͝r̴̛͈͈t̷͓͇̋͒n̸̬͛̈́e̴̮̒r̴̝̃̓ in this mega-cursed, fake Swedish(?) accent.

Thanks, I hate it. 

Riz, faced with his lie brought to life, is pretty freaked and tries to shoot it but he’s quickly subdued and dragged into the mirror. Luckily, he’s able to leave the photo for his friends to find. 

Meanwhile, Fig spent the night in a weird fugue state--almost like an enjoyable nightmare. Most of her focus is on this feeling of isolation, fame, and power--but in a good way. In the background, she’s doing some unimportant stuff. You know, packing her stuff, stealing a gem, trapping Gorthalax in it, and going to Bastion City. No big deal. Anyway, that brings us back to the present with the rest of our party.

They make it to Bastion City and, more importantly, the hotel where Fig is supposed to be. On the way, Adaine tries to detect magic on Sandra-Lynn to try and figure out why she can see the photograph but nothing comes up. At the hotel, they unsuccessfully try to get the concierge to tell them where Fig’s room is. Adaine detects that the receptionist has some kind of transmutation on them and her first thought is, “Magic plastic surgery.” She dispels it. Not magic plastic surgery. The concierge is a demon--which is different and worse than devils who are at least lawful and, like, part of the bureaucracy of punishing people who deserve it.

Anyway, fight time! A lot happens during this fight so I’m going to try and highlight the most important parts:

All the employees in the immediate area turn into various demons to fight the party.

Adaine and Kristen catch sight of Fig’s room number (downstairs penthouse) right before the fight starts and, at the top of the initiative, Adaine goes invisible and runs for the elevator. 

Fabian vaults of Gilear’s face--unnecessarily--and rolls a nat 20.

Gilear (who has FIVE hit points) ducks and covers because of course he does. That doesn’t stop him from being completely obliterated by one punch from one of the huge gorilla demons. He freaking DIES. Thanks, I hate it.

Downstairs, Adaine finds a bunch more demons who are with Fig who is clearly being mind controlled. They have Riz strapped to a table and Fig’s about to stab him with a ritualistic knife. Adaine goes for a dispel magic and gets advantage because of Boggy which leads to her rolling *two nat 20s* and snapping her out of it immediately. 

In a very boss move, Fig immediately grabs Riz and dimension doors him out of his restraints and them both to the coat check where she left the ruby with Gorthalax. Before they poof out, Riz sees yellow eyes in the shadows. Familiar tabaxi eyes. Seemed like she was calling shots. 

Riz gets in a very cool kill with the line, “Tell Daybreak I said hi.”

Fig finds out Gilear is dead and grabs his soul. Kristen heals him up.

Fabian vaults off of Gilear a second time and rolls a nat 1, sending him back into death saves. 

Kristen tosses a spare the dying at Gilear and then kisses full wolfed out Tracker because time isn’t of the essence or anything.

Fig grabs the ruby Gorthalax is in and sees that it’s cloudy--cursed somehow to keep them from breaking him out. Not good. She also finds a bunch of other gems which she also grabs.

We meet Kristen’s new spirit guardians which are now hipster Post-Grad philosophy students in a full spectral coffee shop. She finds them insufferable but is also kind of into it. 

They clean up the rest of the demons and then Fabian does donuts on the Hangman. And we are out of combat.

Fig is a little distraught about having almost killed Riz and brought them all into this dangerous situation which literally killed Gilear--even though no one else blames her even a little. Gilear has a bit of a breakdown which is fair. The man died. They try to send him home--Fig wants to give him 10k gold and send him on vacation--but he is determined to stay and experience things and be useful. Also, Fabian has it in his (and Gorgug’s) head that Gilear must be some kind of chosen one since one of the demons in the fight chose to attack Gilear over him. 

Fig looks through the other gems she got and only one--a Celestial Sapphire--is similar to size to Gorthalax’s. When they bring it out, a slot in Gorgug’s van pops open. They slot the Sapphire in and, through the radio, an Angelic voice speaks to them. He sounds like Owen Wilson and he doesn’t remember his name. The Hangman hates him immediately. Fig pretends to be a cop to get info from the cops that arrive on the scene, doesn’t find out anything useful, but does roll a nat 20 on her deception (come on) and briefly turns the game into the sister, cop-drama show set in the same universe as the Grey’s Anatomy sham-life she’s living, kissing another full adult man. Incredible. 

They regroup at a posh restaurant/cafe called The Swan’s Little Parade. Sklonda calls and, after she and Sandra-Lynn do the mom-catch up thing, she has a quick talk with Riz where we find out a few things about Kalina:

She only worked with Pok on missions between Falinel and Solace.

She was great at going invisible and other infiltration things.

(Note: We actually learned this earlier but I wanted to keep this info together)She looks more like a traditional housecat than a big cat like some other tabaxi.

It’s extremely hard to scry on her. 

She didn’t attend Pok’s funeral.

The last time Sklonda heard from her was 12ish years ago.

Riz only encountered her a few times as a kid. 

Last Sklonda remembers, she reached out to Pok it was something to do with the ship the Oracle sank on. 

They pass around the picture to see who can see it and not only does it appear that Ragh can see her (oh, kinda implied this before but Riz can too) he also seemed really bugged out. Tracker says she can use her cleric mojo to put up some wards to (1) keep them from getting mind whammied like Fig did overnight and (2) maybe make Ragh feel safe enough to talk. She also suggests they all sleep in a huge dog pile for safety which I think is great and someone should draw that.

Gorgug gets a text. It’s Zelda. She can’t believe he left without saying goodbye.

Thanks, I hate it. 

Detention

Fabian for Using Gilear as a Launch Pad Two (2) Times

This was a top contender for this spot, even before Fabian did this a second time and screwed up so bad (nat 1!) that Gilear dropped to zero again and had to make death saving throws.    

Honor Roll

Adaine for Freeing Fig 

Listen, I will freely admit that I have a clear bias towards Adaine. You got me. She’s my favorite. HOWEVER, you cannot tell me that going invisible, rushing straight to the elevator, then rolling double nat 20s (a 1/400 chance) to release Fig from domination right before she plunged a knife into Riz’s heart wasn’t the sickest series of events that happened during this ep. What could possibly compete? 

Random Thoughts

I’ve been trying to figure out the rhyme or reason to who can see the full photo but I haven’t figured out a pattern yet. It’s not that only people who have seen her before can see her because Sandra-Lynn can see it and she said she’s never met her--although I guess it’s possible that she has and she didn’t recognize her since she’s a super spy. And it’s not a blanket thing on the Bad Kids specifically because Riz can see her. I was hoping they’d show it to more people so we could get a better idea of the rules. Maybe it’s based entirely on if she wants to be seen by that specific person? But then why wouldn’t it default to the blank image. It seems (from our limited POV) that most people can see her. Maybe for most people a blank space would be more suspicious than a random tabaxi? Idk.  

Riz forcibly installing himself as Fabian’s best friend and it working is low key the funniest relationship development in FH. I’m so glad Murph and Lou ran with that. Also, the fact that he’s basically accepted that Riz is his best friend but the Hangman hasn’t at all is so good. 

Brennan really just shot Zac in the head at point blank range at the end of the episode, huh? He really just did that to our boy. What’s also funny is that, unlike--say--CR where there’s usually at least a good minute of decompression and goodbyes, Brennan just goes for the kill shot and then peaces out immediately. What a power move. 

Also, poor Zelda! She’s already so insecure, this isn’t gonna be good for her self esteem. Arguably, there were extenuating circumstances Gorgug can claim but you know that’s only gonna help so much since he def could have at least called/texted her to let her know he had to leave in a hurry because Fig/Riz were missing. I wonder if there’s a section of the binder on this. 

For reference, the demons they fight in the hotel lobby are a Cambion, and then several barlgura and skeksis.

“He’s just a guy!” He certainly is. Check out his stats. Hilarious but also, I can’t act like my stats would look that much different. 

I truly, truly cannot believe that Emily pulled the exact same hospital stunt again and it resolved in exactly the same way. This is like when I played blackjack with my brother when I was a teenager to teach him that the house always wins and he hit 21 twice in a row. 

Also on the topic of Fig, her coming down from her mind control was my favorite part of this episode, for a couple of reasons. I love how sincerely Emily played the immediate shock and horror at what she almost did (closed book my ass). I love how every other person was so happy to get her back. I love that none of them even entertained the thought that she might be dangerous or untrustworthy now. Relationships at the intersection of constant bullying and ride or die are my favorite. 

While we’re on the topic of emotional scenes, Gilear full breaking down in the van post-fight was very funny but you also genuinely felt for the guy. It’s been a really long day for the guy and he died like one and a half times. His, “I haven’t experienced anything before this moment,” line really hit me hard. And I think it’s very wild that Brennan set the DC for convincing him to go home at 25 (which Fig did not pass with a 21). It’s very interesting that Gilear’s reaction to this series of events was to double down and be like, I *need* to be here. Seems like this could be a set up for some interesting Gilear development. 

The amount of times I have almost typed Balnor is unreal. My brain stores all the middle aged men hanging out with people too young for him to be hanging out with in the same folder.  

I can’t believe Adaine just went for that dispel except that I can because she did the exact thing with Iris’ wig at the NY live show and I couldn’t believe that either! I really did not think (1) that was a good move or (2) gonna lead to combat (except for the kind that gets you banned from a hotel). I completely misread that situation. Like, it’s a world full of magic. It’s not that weird that a random person would have a spell on them. Anyway, this is why she’s the oracle and I’m not. 

The Barlgura needed a 3 or higher to hit Gilear. He got a 19. Yikes.

“I had to ask.”/ “No you didn’t.” (The crew explodes into laughter.)

Riz tells the whole gang about the Baron thing and tells everyone that they need to stop lying in case all their lies are gonna pop out and attack them. Gorgug admits that he’s kissed the Hangman. Kristen confesses to a group of her closest friends and girlfriend that she is gay. Tracker is like, “Babe, what?” Tracker (and the Bad Kids but in a different way) must really love Kristen because she is just so much all the time. 

Fabian: Who are you seeing then?/Riz:...................No one. 

Ally Middle Name Beardsly wtf is a paranoia check? 

The comedic rhythm of Fabian vaulting off of Gilear’s face with a nat 20, him dying, being resurrected, and the Fabian trying to do it again with a nat 1 and knocking him near death is so perfect that it’s wild that it was totally random. This is the kind of thing that makes you get superstitious about dice. 

We’re introduced to Boggy’s second mood this ep which is Boggy’s mood which is a slightly squinted, “Hmm...I don’t know about this.” Thanks, I love it. 

In addition to considering Gilear might be the chosen one (by who? Of what? They don’t know and neither do I) the half of the group entertaining this theory also considers Gilear might be the Nightmare King (”If you are you have to tell me. I’m your daughter.”). I don’t know if the NK does possession but please have the NK possess Gilear at some point. If the theme of this season is carefully filing away random off the cuff gags and making them plot relevant, please let this be one of them. Also, lol at Murph trying to roll high enough so that Riz has the knowledge to stop the shenanigans before it derails the whole campaign.  

The group bestows upon Gilear the positions of Tour Manager, Social Media Manager, and Honorary Bad Kid (listed last of course).

Fig grabbed a lanyard of out Adaine’s jacket and I remembered, oh yeah, she has a very magical jacket that is only ever used for shenanigans, if at all. Imagine being so magic that you have a magic jacket that you’re always wearing that can summon anything (w/i reason) and you just kinda...forget about it most of the time. 

Curious about why Fig specifically was called in to do the sacrifice and why Riz was the one who had to be sacrificed. 

I hope Adaine just continues to loan out Boggy to anyone having a bad day. I love that.

“Maybe this is one of those massages that hurt.”

Really wanted Hilariel to Skype in and ask about Gilear. Her take on everything is always so funny. She is as crazy as everyone else in her family but in such a low key way.  

Lol at the party being like, “Yeah, Tracker healed me just fine without any 69-ing,” which is truly an incomprehensible sentence without context and still mostly incomprehensible with context. 

Don’t wanna overlook the coolness of Fig rolling double 17s (disadvantaged) to command the barlguras. Not magically, just convincing them she was still in charge of them. Very clutch.

Fabian is so much chiller about letting people on his motorbike these days. He let Gilear ride it. He let Riz ride it. He gave a blanket invitation for anyone in the area to hop on before he did donuts. I love Sophomore Fabian. 

Gilear gets a nat 20 for his first roll! Riz and Kristen got two nat 20s. Fig got one, Gorgug got one (he rolled a second one that was lost with disadvantage), and Adaine rolled two but they really only count as one since it was with advantage. Fabian rolled one of each. That’s a lot of 20s for one ep!