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#then had to be like wait. girl. we aren’t that far yet.
oldbutchdaniel · 1 year
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watching “gay” media in 2012: ughhh i hope my precious little cinnamon roll does something a little limp wristed in this episode. i hope when a minor character accuses them of being gay in a way that’s nearly classifiable as a hate crime they don’t vehemently deny it this time!
watching gay media in 2023: ughhhh i hope i get to see blorbo from my shows getting spitroasted and fucked sideways from sunday and getting his balls tickled and getting it total sloppy wet style
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chuluoyi · 3 months
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࿐ ࿔ 🕰️ 「 05:56 P.M 」
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this has been rotting in my drafts for like months :'D based on a suggestion idea a while back—how gojo will definitely land himself in a police station, and since i have no better fic to share yet, i'll just post this :')
a part of gojo's love entries
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everyone—or particularly, nanami—has warned you that marrying gojo satoru is going to be far from easy.
and true, less than a month since the two of you were married, he had landed himself in a police station. police station! of all places!
still, you were worried when you got the call, but when you rushed inside the place, all your worries—
“i’m telling you! i’m innocent!”
“sir, please don’t raise your voice here!”
“YOU are raising your voice against me!”
—evaporated. because… what the hell?
satoru, looking cross as if he owned the whole precinct, sat with his legs crossed high. he wore all black and his eyes was covered by that stupid blindfold. and with that haughty attitude, if someone accused him of being a suspicious person, now you would totally understand.
you were fuming as you stomped to where he was. “satoru!”
“oh?!” he turned to you with a wide grin, then to the officer in front of him, pointing at you. “look! i’ve been telling you. i have a wife— and there she is!”
the officer eyed you suspiciously as if he wanted to confirm your identity, and you huffed. “it pains me to admit that i’m his wife—”
“wha?! it ‘pains’ you?! i’m hurt!”
“—but yes, i am. officer, what do i have to do to get him out here?”
you could’ve sworn the officer gave you a look of pity. “ma’am, so we received a report that your… err, husband, was publicly harassing two students—”
you widened your eyes, turning to him accusingly. “you—!”
“i was not!” satoru fiercely interrupted, eyeing the police with clear disdain. “if i want to harass girls, shouldn’t i harass my wife first?!”
you were speechless as you shot him a look of disbelief.
“but sir, the girls said that you have been ‘leering’ at them—”
“i was just passing by! i didn’t even look at them! and when i have a wife this hot—” satoru wildly gestured at you with both hands. “what use is anything else?!”
dear lord. please give me strength. you felt like losing your head over this as you clutched your temple.
“sir, you’re being too loud!”
“i’m telling you, you’re slandering me! that’s crime too!”
this was utter chaos and you finally had enough. “both of you, just...” you breathed out— “shut up!”
both the police and your husband looked at you in surprise as you glared at them with so much ire they would have never expected out of you.
in the end, to settle this fiasco, you ended up paying the fine.
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“wifey... forgive me, please?”
satoru dejectedly followed you from behind like a sad puppy as you entered your home. “please? don’t be mad at me...”
you suddenly stopped in your tracks, before whirling to face him, squinting one eye. “you got arrested, made a fool out of yourself, and i bailed you out. so, give me three good reasons why i shouldn’t be mad at you.”
“uh, w-wait...”
“three, two—”
“i-i’m a good kisser! i let you have my body!” he blurted in panic. “and oh—while at it, i also satisfy you sooo well in bed!”
how did you end up with a clown for a husband? despite yourself, you almost laughed at his response, and satoru obviously saw it as a sign of him succeeding. and before you knew it, he leaned and pecked you in the lips.
“look at you, you just smiled!” he giddily grinned as he pulled away. “i’m right, aren’t i!?”
“ha ha...” you let out an exasperated sigh, suppressing your laugh and faint heat in your face at the same time. “satoru...”
his eyes were practically shining. “yes?!”
“you and couch. tonight.”
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tender-rosiey · 1 year
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hii, hope im not bothering uu!!
my brain is obsessed with ur daddy gojo ficsss!! 🤭🤭 just a thought though. what if gojo brought his kid to work since reader couldnt hire a babysitter and had work to do!! 😱😱 kid can be a baby or like, 7-10?? or something? (idrc i jus need to feed my head with more dad gojo fics 😔😔, kid can be a girl or boy!!) hopee u have a nice dayyy!! ❤❤
missing – gojo satoru x f!reader
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a/n: I wrote the kid being around 5 or 6 max, I think?? hope you like this as well! <3
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you are standing at the door, checking over everything with your husband, "satoru, you got the toys?"
like the proud and confident dad he is, he replies with ease, "yep."
"the snacks?"
“of course,” he grins, pulling up the bag of snacks and toys to show you.
but you’re still stressing, "what about—“
"wifey, relax!” he starts rubbing your shoulders soothingly; “I got everything she needs. you have nothing to worry about,” he presses a loud kiss to your cheek.
"last time you said that, you teleported with d/n to the maldives."
he laughs loudly, before pulling you into a big hug, "aww, babe; I said I am sorry,” he is swaying the both of you, “you know I wanted you to be with us."
"that's not the point!"
"oh wowie, look at the time!” he looks at his fake watch and starts gently pushing you towards the car, “you’re gonna be late sweetheart."
"oh god!" you gasp, quickly giving satoru his goodbye kiss, and running to your daughter to give her own goodbye peck on the cheek as well, “I will miss you; take care of dada, okay?”
“aren’t I the one who is supposed to do that taking care part?!”
“bye ‘toru; bye d/n! love you!”
“love you too!” they both reply in unison before looking each other in the eye. satoru grins at her, “do you want to see uncle nanami?”
“nanamin!” she squeals then runs to god knows where.
soon, they finally get to jujutsu tech.
it took longer than usual because the little missy ran off and decided to play hide and seek. in addition to that, since the madlives incident, you banned satoru from teleporting with d/n because it gets her really dizzy and she starts puking.
so like the common people, he takes a car and has to wait till they arrive there. he wants to grumble, but, at least, his princess is there to play with him and make conversations.
they are finally in class when nobara coos, crouching down in front of d/n, “oh, you’re so cute!”
the little girl grins, “thank you!”
“also, I love your dress!”
“oh; thank you!” d/n gasps and starts twirling around, “mommy picked it for me! It’s so pretty, right?” nobara nods eagerly at her and it makes d/n giggle.
d/n pauses for a moment, a pout on her face and eyes get teary, and looks at satoru, “mommy…”
satoru pats her head, “we will see her soon; don’t worry.”
“wow; I am surprised you’re acting like a proper dad,” megumi comments, waving at d/n who grins back at him.
swiftly, yuuji defends his teacher’s pride, “hey! sensei is a great dad!”
d/n starts swinging her arms around and running in place like she is preparing for something. soon. it is revealed what she is waiting for. the door opens and she launches herself at the new guest, “nanamin!”
nanami effortlessly catches her and secures his hold on her, “d/n, that was dangerous; what if you got hurt?”
she looks down with yet another pout, “I know…’am sorry. just missed you.”
nanami sighs before patting her head, “it’s alright,” a tiny smile creeps up, “are you having fun so far?”
she nods happily and starts rambling about how cool nobara is or how much fun yuuji is to be around. meanwhile, satoru is standing in a corner with his arms crossed and grumbling, “that’s my daughter, you know.”
“imagine losing your daughter’s affection to someone else,” megumi pops up from behind satoru.
he retorts with no hesitation, “imagine not having a father.”
satoru looks petrified at megumi who is so very offended. satoru starts mini-panicking, “wait—megumi, I was kidding!”
“divine dogs.”
satoru shrieks and d/n squeals, pointing at him, “minmin, daddy’s playing with ‘gumi’s dogs!”
nanami averts his attention to gojo playing (read: being attacked). he nods slowly at the suffering man, “he is having so much fun; isn’t he?”
 “yay!” she throws her arms in the air.
nobara snaps a picture of d/n, “she’s adorable!”
yuuji sobs beside her, “I know right?!”
that was at the beginning of the day, but, right now, satoru has to attend a meeting for some reason with the higher-ups, including yaga. though, it hardly counts as a proper one considering that satoru laid out d/n toys so she can play with him.
“daddy, you’re not supposed to give him the green shirt; he needs the blue one.”
satoru quickly obeys, “yes ma’am,” and he changes the doll into his fabulous blue outfit. d/n giggles and holds his face to kiss his cheek.
one of the higher-ups clears his throat, “refrain from such disrespectful behavior during the meeting, gojo.”
satoru smiles humorlessly at the elder, “last time I checked, my daughter’s happiness is a lot more important than the nonsense you spout every single time.”
d/n carefully makes her way down the table and pulls on satoru’s pants, “daddy, toilet, please.”
“this was a fun meeting!” he beams, collecting d/n’s toys in her bag, “I have more urgent matters to attend to so adieu!” he mock bows, before bending to pick his daughter up, “let’s go princess.”
the door closes after satoru and d/n leave, and everyone looks at yaga. he takes a deep breath, “listen, that's his daughter. asking him not to pamper her is like asking a cat to let go of her kittens. you will get bit.”
time passes and satoru is chilling with d/n in the common room. she is laying on his lap and curled around herself. she groggily looks up to him, “when are we going to see mommy?”
he starts stroking her hair, “soon; I promise,” he takes out a candid picture he took of you and hands it to her, “how about you take this until we go back home and see mommy?”
she nods slowly and hugs the photo close. satoru smiles softly and presses a kiss to her forehead. not much after, d/n falls asleep with your photo secure in her hold.
it makes satoru chuckle. it reminds him of how he can never sleep without you either.
that’s why when he goes on mission, he scrolls endlessly through your photos until sleep takes over him or he listens to any voice message you sent. it helps him with the dilemma of missing you, and he is glad it helps his daughter the same way.
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do not copy or plagiarize or you will be reported
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lady-ashfade · 1 year
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Bound By Birth
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The yandere boy’s reaction to you being their sweet, smaller twin and being obsessed.
Characters: Lucerys Velaryon, Jacaerys Velaryon, Aemond Targaryen.
Theses aren’t complete HC’s just some I thought about, but if you want a part 2 or a fic based on it please let me know.
Warnings: Yandere tendencies, Obsession, Possessive, Targaryen ways if you know what I mean, stalking, a bit hinted or nswf a bit but nothing is said that much!
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Aemond Targaryen
As soon as Aemond came out of the womb he had lost this sense of warmth and comfort, like he knew you weren’t with him. The new born screamed until you had entered the world a few minutes later and the room felt silent from his crys, only to be full with yours.
From his first breath he knew he belonged with you.
We all know aemond had no dragon that hatched from the egg so he lost that feeling but he had you. The gods had blessed him with something far greater then any dragon he could ever have. Needless to say he thinks of you as his to have since you are his twin.
Little man is possessive from the get go, like he can not bare to be away from you. So you always had him following your trail everywhere you went.
Aemond felt heartbroken when your egg hatched and his had yet too, only to discover the egg was never going to hatch. He was beyond jealous. He and you were supposed to have everything alike, dress the same, eat the same food and share the same toys.
But then that’s when it clicked into his brain you are his dragon. Yes, the gods did this on purpose.
No matter the gender his mind always pictured your wedding day.
Hates it when you train with your dragon and he can’t. Like gets really upset. He does get picked on but you’re there to save him, making him fall harder.
He swears one day he would protect you.
Aegon and the other boys are out of the question for him. You aren’t allowed to hang out with them at all, and if you are? He will pull you away quickly without a word and drag you off away from them.
When he gets his eye taken from him he couldn’t handle your eyes looking at him. Feels ashamed for the curse now on his face because he can’t be handsome or beautiful for you.
But the joy he feels inside when you weep beside him and hold his hand, he feels some sort of pride that you care for him deeply.
Female twin:
Knows you are meant to marry him. He doesn’t even have to convince Alicent very hard to wed you because she needs you to stay safe.
Matching your dresses to his outfit all the time.
He trains to impress you one day, maybe protect you in a fight. If you are ever watching the boys practice he will try his hardest which sometimes leads to him embarrassing himself. But you are there to smile and kiss his cheek with grace.
After that the two of you grow, well he changes into a different man but you stay the same sweet girl.
Aemond has become your protector. Always behind you and glaring at anyone who passes a glance that isn’t welcome. Man is ready to kill with just one word.
Since he is older his mind grows and he can’t stop noticing how beautiful you really are. The body, the hair, or just the sound of your sweet voice. He is addicted and can’t wait to have you as his wife.
Is a beast at fighting now. Gets a boost when you watch from above and see him win every time. Cole is his wingman and will pair him up with someone to put on a good fight just for you.
Male twin
Knows the gods made you smaller and younger then him just so you can be his. From the time he realized what marriage was he was thinking of you.
When you are younger and training he hates embarrassing himself around you, like hated it. Or when you’d pair up with the other boys, even Aegon. Aemond will hate to spar against you and he couldn’t imagine hurting you. But this is more time he can bound with you.
When he loses his eyes- Boy is more angry that he doesn’t look more like you now. You were his twin brother and are supposed to look the same. Aemond does feel the same when he sees you cry for him and tell him he will be okay. But he’s gained a dragon now. One to protect you.
Aemond is just glaring at people while you’re just smiling at everyone. Two separate handsome boys.
He doesn’t care if you’re a boy, you are his twin and he is meant to have you. He hates the thought of you marrying a woman, or anything- Will not share you with anyone.
You both match clothes all the time and he makes sure to tell the servants to dress you both alike or he will be angry.
He is still your protector at all cost and will let nobody harm you in any way. Not his sweet brother.
Just as well, when he grows his mind picks up on your handsome face, your smaller height. He feels better about himself because he could easily overpower you, being the bigger male twin does something to him. He loves it when you get angry at how you can’t grow as much muscle or height as him.
You both train together and he will teach you. Sometimes he will let you win, other times he wouldn’t because he loves you looking a bit sad- You might not be as big or strong but you have speed and can move away from him quickly. He loves to praise you for the smallest things.
Lucerys Velaryon
As I have said in my past fics he is a clingy boy. From birth he loves you because you are his partner in life and he knows it.
Lucerys does cry a lot when he is away from you, but he is also a happy baby as long as he is near you, just like aemond. I think at the young age he just knows you’re his twin.
I picture you however being the first one to walk and he’s just on the floor trying to follow you. Throws a tantrum when you walk away. But, his first steps are when rhaenrya tries to get him to walk and he does…only to walk passed her and over to you.
Growing up he follows you around like a lost puppy. Clings to you where ever you go and if you don’t give him your attention, he will find a way to get it. He does get jealous when jace is around because he’s older, boy just wants you to pay attention to him.
He has planned many pranks with you. Might even do a few on you but feels bad immediately afterwards.
When your father “dies” he realizes his role is to take on driftmark and he fears it. So he gets more possessive after that.
Hates being called Bastard but when someone calls you that? Boy is pulling you away and telling his mother for just the slightest judgement against you. Might even get daemon on it because he is more ruthless.
He tells his mother when he was younger to betroth the two of you and she sees how much you two love each other. However when you both get older he yells at her that he will not marry anyone else but you, no matter what. And he never disobeys her but this was different and she knows he telling the truth.
Even if you are a male he will take no wife. Because that means she would be yours as well. But let’s be honest, rhaenrya is planning to betrothed the both of you to someone. 
He kisses your cheek all the time or holds you hands, doesn’t really care who’s watching.
He still pranks you however, like taking your books and holding them above your head.
He is more clingy then the rest of them but not as dangerous- Well, not himself but will get others to do the dirt work.
Male twin:
He knows he’s small but he’s still young, but you? You’re shorter then him and less muscular and it makes him happy. Because that means he can protect you better then you can yourself.
He compares his frame to yours constantly, you’re such a smaller boy and he picks on you a bit. Not mean, but he can be a bit cocky at times.
You already know you both have matching outfits- Every day. Even pjs.
You both used to spar with each other all the time because it was so much fun, and he didn’t like you going against anyone in the fear of you being hurt.
Older sparring is fun because he isn’t that good at it and you’re almost just as bad. From any age he is so embarrassed to mess up in front of you. But maybe if he beats you then you can praise him for it.
Also, he can be alone with you and no one bats an eye because you’re both boys. So he can be as affectionate as he wants.
But nothing really changes for being a boy or a girl in his eyes, he’s just the same with both.
Female reader.
Younger him thinks it’s like a book about a princess and prince, just like the ones your mother read to the two of you.
Because you’re a female he gets more jealous of the males in his family, not saying he doesn’t for male you but this is different. You can easily be betrothed to any of them, he hates it.
Begs your mother to have you as his wife from a young age as well. It’s your birth right to be his bride. And again this means he has no use of another wife because you can have children. There is no one else he wants.
Matching dresses to his outfits and if you want to wear something else? Pouts. He can’t bare to not be in the same color as you.
Sparring is different because he is so terrified of hurting you. He will not even use force on his swings, but a few low hits. You can cry and get angry he isn’t trying but he wouldn’t care.
Kisses you in private all the time, “You’ll be my wife one day.”
Glares at any male that talks to you, even his brother. Tugs at your hand and just joins at your hip.
You can’t be alone together…Unless he sneaks in your room. Will just hold you until you both fall asleep.
Loves to braid your hair. Like he learns just for you.
Jacaerys Velaryon
He is the first born, so he knows he’s missing you. He, just like the others, is waiting for your presence.
Somehow even baby him wiggles closer to you in the cradle. They had to put you two in the same cradle because he wouldn’t stop fussing about being away from you.
He is more calm at this time, like if you get picked up? He’s going to watch but he’s just chilling unless you are out of his sight.
Loves to show you his toys, even though you have seen them so many times. Loves to share them with you too.
Have you seen those videos of babies hugging each other? Literally him with you.
He isn’t as different from the other two at this point.
Jace learns he is to become king and always calles you the future queen/king. And I mean actually correcting his mother or anyone else.
“The gods put us together, it stays that way.”
Loves when you hold his arm or chase him around playing tag.
Hates Aegon or aemond. He’s okay with lucerys, just don’t give him more attention.
Knows he is a bastard and that makes you one too and he fears for you the most.
Older him is just as bad if not more.
Tails behind you and always have his hand around your waist. Always doing everything together.
Even baths, not in the same room but at the same time- And he’s tried to be in the same tub. But going to clothes, studying and to the same sheets as you.
Gets angry if it’s even mentioned that you would marry someone else. Yells about how you will role beside him and no one can change that.
He’s kinda angry a lot when it comes to you. Wouldn’t really let anyone get too close, like not even your personal time. You want to read a book? Okay, he will be in the corner doing his own thing.
But he’s sweet to you always unless you say you can’t marry him, then it’s just him pushing you to think you have no choice.
Male twin
You think you can get away from this man? Um no, he is always near you.
From a young age he wouldn’t let you out of his sight. Can’t play without him, can’t study without him, or train. Anything you do is what he is doing.
Training with younger him isn’t that bad- Well, okay it’s a bit. He really loves to win against you and does the most. He wouldn’t hurt you but if you fall it isn’t his fault, you should be praising him for being so strong.
Dressing the same each time and will literally throw a tantrum if not. Saying the future king demands it.
After a few years, I think he might be the most possessive about you. The only time you can leave him or go somewhere in the castle is with his mother.
Man is always with you every step, linking your arms.
You already know he is picking on you for being so much smaller then him. I see him as such a cocky man for some reason. Saying things like
“You can’t get that, let me.” “I’m surprised you can even pick up a sword.” “How can a man be that small?”
Training with him older is him teaching you- Mostly useless stuff so he can still win. Just like when he was a kid, loves to win against you.
Matching outfits with you.
Boy knows you are to be king with him and will not stop at anything to get that point across.
Female twin
Boy is holding your hand as you lead him anywhere or him you. He with not leave you for anything.
Matching your dresses to his colors or you wearing his favorite colors- Or him just picking them out for you. If jace doesn’t like your dress he will make you change it.
Is ready before you get done in the morning and comes in as soon as you get your dress on, much to his dismay because he could help you change.
Wouldn’t let the maids touch your skin or go anywhere. The only place that can help you with is your hair and clothes. Loves to let his hands linger on your neck while he places a necklace on you. Or helping you pick everything out.
Escorts you everywhere you need to go. He isn’t afraid to have a tight grip on your waist if you try and get away from him. Can and will gaslight you anytime he wants.
Just like the others he already told his mom he will marry you. You think he will care if she says no? Ha, he wouldn’t care.
While he is studying you are in the corner or with your mother.
He doesn’t really like your time with the other children but is kinda okay with it. Only if you pay attention to him more.
Sneaks into your room at night and will kiss you for as long as he can. Holds you close and brushes your hair until you fall asleep. Doesn’t even care if he leaves marks on you so the others can see.
He does kill in secret if need be or gets them killed by guards, maybe even by daemon or rhaenrya.
Daemon has taught him a few things on how to wow a woman and how to keep you in line, even things to do to you in bed.
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dira333 · 7 months
Text
Of Lovers and Friends - Ushijima x Reader
thank you @screamin-abt-haikyuu talking to you is inspiring
If you find a typo, I wrote this instead of going to bed. Goodnight.
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“Just a Tonic Water, please,” You order, well aware of all the eyes on you.
“Are you sick?” Kindaichi asks, already pressing a hand against your forehead.
“Pregnant?” Kunimi’s next, though less serious.
“As if, you can’t get pregnant from RPG,” Makki points out, licking foam off his lip.
“You would know,” you tell him, a little peeved, as you push Kindaichi away.
“I’m fine. I just have a date later.”
Yahabi whistles, clearly impressed. God, you need to amp up your game. This is just sad.
“Who is it?” Kyoutani asks, forever your best friend. Or at least the one guy who’s seemingly the least interested in teasing you.
“I don’t know, my Mom set us up. She went to school with his Mom or something like that. I just know that he plays Volleyball and is about my age.”
“Could be anyone,” Watari mumbles into his Aperol Spritz.
“Could be Ushijima,” Mattsun jokes, causing Makki to choke on his beer, spluttering as he bellows out a laugh.
“Can you imagine? That would be hilarious!”
“Har har har,” you thank the waitress for your drink and lean back in your chair, “Can we change the topic? Does Makki have a job yet?”
“Uncalled for!” Makki points an accusing finger at you. “And no. But a little birdy told me that Kyoutani’s got a fangirl.”
Kyoutani blushes, glaring into his drink. The girl must mean something to him if he’s trying to pull himself together like this. You swerve to look at Kindaichi who’s managed to spill his diet coke - again.
“What about you? Did you call that girl we met at the coffee shop?”
“No,” he ducks his head. “I didn’t. I was… I didn’t want to make a fool out of myself.”
“Yeah, well, you did,” Makki lets his eyes wander as usual, “Tell you what. There’s a nice girl with her friends two tables over. We’ll get you her number but you have to call. Or at least send her some funny memes, okay?”
“Okay,” Kindaichi’s looking at you. Makki’s looking at you.
You groan and get up. “Next time you get someone else to get that number, okay? This is the last time.”
“Love you too, pumpkin!” Makki calls after you as you make your way over. These patterns have turned familiar.
-
You should have gotten a beer, you think two hours later as you wait, your legs twitching with anxiety. 
You’ve been painfully single for so long that you can’t help but feel you should have worn a dress or at least something more fancy than the jeans and top combo you’re sporting. But it’s comfy and it sets you at ease. And you’ve always been an advocate for being yourself on the first date. If they don’t like you like that, they won’t matter anyway.
So far that has brought you a lot of first dates and not a lot of second dates.
A deep voice calls out your name. You turn, your hands clutching the single purple carnation you had to bring - your mother’s idea. 
You spot the flower first, a tiny purple thing held in massive hands. He’s tall, impressively so. You let your eyes wander up as he walks over, the flickering street light casting long shadows over his face until he’s reached you and the soft warm glow of the restaurant behind you. 
Your heart skips a painful beat as he attempts a rather forced smile.
“Ushijima-kun,” you stutter, the confidence earned in twenty-something years shattered and replaced by the anxious brain of a teenager.
He offers you his hand, the one without the flower and you take it. His palm swallows yours, his grip warm and firm. If you can blend out the history your team has with his, that your friends have with him, you can give him a chance, right?
-
“Are you close with your mother?” He asks in the tense moment when the food’s already been ordered and the drinks aren’t served yet. It’s the worst possible question to ask, too, because no, you’re not close. Not since she went through with the divorce, unable to settle with a man ever since, as dissatisfied with them as she is with life, her business, you.
You don’t ramble often, but you do when you’re nervous. 
If he’s taken aback by the flood of words, of trauma seemingly long overcome, he does not show. He’s like a rock, sitting steadfast in the crashing river of your emotions, unmoving, sturdy.
When you’re finished, throat a little dry, he nods slowly. 
“My parents are divorced as well,” he says. You wonder if he’s told it often. 
“How was it for you?” You ask and the surprise in his eyes tells you that he hasn’t been asked this before. 
His tale is told more slowly. He hands out information bit by bit, always confirming that you’re still listening, still interested in what he has to say about this topic. You share a bottle of wine over his parent's divorce, the main dish just an accessory to the topic at hand. 
When his words run dry and the last drop of wine is poured into your glass, your mind a little fuzzy and his lips tinted a little blue, you are full and empty at the same time. All the anxiety has left you over dinner. 
Seijoh and your friends are far, far away but Ushijima - Wakatoshi, as he asks you to call him - is right there.
“Do you want to share dessert?” You ask and his eyes light up with a new emotion, one you haven’t seen before on him. It’s a little softer, makes him look a little younger, maybe.
“Do you like chocolate?” He asks, leaning forward a bit as if to share a secret.
“Who doesn’t?” You ask back and learn about his best friend.
-
“This was nice,” you say when he walks you to the train station, slowing his steps to be in tune with yours. The cold night air does wonders for your fuzzy brain but the chill is less pleasant. You shiver.
“Here.” A warm weight settles over your shoulders. His jacket drapes over your skin like it was made for this. It smells good, too. 
It’s not the first time you wonder if there will be a second date. But it’s the first time you really, really hope there is.
The train station appears much too soon. You want to prolong this evening, stay longer in this emotion that you cannot name. But you’re a realist at heart and you slip his jacket off before you become too used to its warmth.
“Keep it,” his large hand stops your movement, easily takes hold of yours. “You can give it back the next time.”
“Next time?” You ask, unable to keep that hopeful tone out of your voice. 
“I don’t have much free time,” Wakatoshi explains, “Could we meet again in a week? Same time, same place?”
You nod, much too eager to come off as nonchalant. It reminds you of Kindaichi, but you cannot bring yourself to care. You give him your number and feel your lips slip into a smile when he immediately texts you so that you have his as well.
Overhead your trains arrival is announced. You turn, still unwilling to part.
“Until Friday,” Wakatoshi says, one last wave. “Good night.”
- - -
You sleep well, better than you have in days.
It’s only when you wake up that you realize what this means.
You have a second date. The first in a long time. 
But as excited as you are for it, dread still settles in your stomach. How on earth will you explain this to your friends?
The answer is, you don’t.
When you meet up for beers and games on wednesday, Makki consolingly pats your shoulder. He seems to think your date went awful and you do nothing to correct him. You only feel a little guilty. It’s his fault for not even asking.
The others seem to already have forgotten. The news of Kindaichi getting a first date is more exciting and you let yourself get dragged into it, give him fashion advice - that goes ignored - and laugh with the others when Yahaba tries to fix his hair.
It’s only Friday afternoon that your nerves make themselves known.
Surely there’s nothing wrong in dressing similar again. Wakatoshi didn’t seem to mind and neither should you.
But you want to, you desperately want to… look a little better. You want him to look at you, unable to catch his breath, unable to form words, at least for a few seconds. Is that too much to ask for?
But you don’t own any Make-up, courtesy of rebelling against everything that makes you think of your mother. So you do the next best thing and call Mattsun.
“I’m not late,” he answers, immediately defensive. Right, you’re still on for drinks before the date. You can’t think about that now.
“I don’t care. Get your girlfriend on the phone, I need help.”
“What? Why?”
“Girls-stuff, you wouldn’t understand.” 
Miri agrees to join you for drinks. According to her she won’t need more than ten minutes in the bar bathroom to give you a little bit of an extra kick.
“You don’t want to look too different to what he’s seen the last time,” she reasons as you go over the few options of fancier clothes you have.
You're anxious the whole time, nurse one soda after the other. Even Kunimi notices.
“Second date?” Kyoutani asks. Makki’s eyes widen in surprise. You hate it.
“Maybe,” you grumble, getting up to pee once more. 
“What? You didn’t tell us the first one went well.”
“You didn’t ask,” you tell him as you make your escape to the bathroom. But this is Makki. He doesn’t let go of a topic.
“What’s his name?” He asks as soon as you’re back. “What team does he play for?”
“Let me get through this date first,” you huff, trying to sound more relaxed than you are. 
“He’s nice?” Kyoutani asks, able to put a threat and a question and a whole lot of worry in those few words. 
“Yeah,” you say, a little flustered just by the thought of him. The boys go silent around you. 
“Wow, you really like that guy,” Mattsun points out. 
“Shut up,” you grumble and empty your glass, calling for another. You don’t want to talk about it.
“Anyway,” Miri points out and you’ll forever be thankful for that, for her switching topics when you need it most, “Mattsun and I have decided to move together. We’re still debating about which apartment to move into, though.”
“Are you for real?” Makki’s always the first to put in his two cents, “Miri’s apartment is way better.”
Miri laughs. “Thank you Makki, I knew I could count on you.”
-
“There, done.” Miri steps away. You look at yourself in the mirror, the knots in your stomach slowly loosening. You don’t look like a clown, not like your mother either. 
“What did you do?” You ask, a little perplexed by how long your lashes suddenly are. 
“Mascara and some eyeliner. A little lipgloss too, you can reapply it when you’re at the restaurant.”
“Thank you.”
“Anytime. If you want, we can go shopping for some of this stuff. You don’t need much and I can show you how to do the little things you might want to do sometimes.”
“Ah,” you look away, embarrassed, “Let me get through this date first.”
Miri smiles, understanding visible in her eyes. 
“Go get him, tiger,” she tells you when you part ways.
- - -
Wakatoshi is already waiting for you. 
Warmth pools in your stomach when he stills at your sight, his eyes warm as they wander over your face. 
“You look beautiful,” he tells you and you have to look away, too flustered to face him for a second.
“Am I not beautiful all the time?” You joke, hoping against hope that he does not notice the way your voice breaks slightly.
“Of course,” Wakatoshi tells you immediately, not an ounce of insincerity in his voice. You have to swallow twice before you’re able to talk again.
“You’re very pretty too,” your voice is doing funny things. You offer your hand to shake, a little unsure of what greeting is correct. He takes your hand in his, not to shake it, but to hold it all the way to the table and you’re unable to look anyone in the eyes until you’re seated, your insides a fluttery mess.
-
“Can I see you again?” Wakatoshi asks when you reach the train station, his jacket a comforting weight on your shoulders, your hand resting in his.
You nod, unable to hide your eagerness. 
You can’t blame the buzzing of your mind on alcohol this time. He’s calmly explained that he can’t drink often with his strict diet, has to choose between dessert or a glass of wine most of the time. It didn’t feel right to drink when he wasn’t allowed to.
Somehow your conversations feel deeper, more meaningful without the alcohol coating them. You know he means it when he asks and he knows you mean it when you nod.
Overhead, your train is announced. You don’t let go of his hand.
“I could do a little walk,” you say, “What do you say?”
You kiss his cheek when you eventually part. His skin is soft and warm underneath your lips. It follows you into your dreams.
-
On Wednesday you get a text just as you head out to meet the boys for beers and games.
“I’ve got out of practice earlier. Do you want to go for a walk?”
You go back inside, put on the lipgloss Miri had lent you as you text him your confirmation. You think about kissing him and wipe it off again, unsure of what you want. In the end you put it into your pocket just in case.
“Can’t come today, I have another date,” you text the group chat. 
Makki’s the first to answer, per usual, but his use of emojis has your anxiety rising so you put your phone on silent. You’ll deal with this on Friday.
It’s not yet time for the Sakura blossoms, but the park is beautiful anyway.
Not that you can focus on much besides the feeling of your hand in his, the way his voice rumbles in his chest as he talks about practice and his plans to meet up with his old teammates. 
You like this, the calmness of it all. You like him, with his serious expression and his direct way of asking. You like how he never fails to ask how your day has been, how he’s interested in all aspects of your work, even the little ones that no one seems to care about.
You like him, a lot. And if the way he looks at you is any indication, he likes you too. 
It’s when you’re on your way back, the setting sun bringing forth a chill, that someone calls your name.
You turn, your hand still firmly in Wakatoshi’s grasp, only to spot Kyoutani. He’s frozen on a near path and you know with certainty that he’s recognized your date. Your heart beats painfully in your throat and you feel sick.
“Everything okay?” Wakatoshi asks at the same time the girl next to Kyoutani pulls her massive scarf down to look at you. She looks familiar, blond hair, brown eyes, petite figure. It’s only when she opens her mouth to ask Kyoutani what’s going on that you recongize her. She’d been Karasuno’s volleyball manager. Yachi something.
Kyoutani seems to realize that you’ve recognized her because his face turns dark. He shakes his head at Yachi, points into the distance and leads her away. 
You’re still frozen next to Wakatoshi, realization washing over you like the cold floods of the  Tamagawa. 
“Is everything okay?” He asks again, cradling your face in his hands to make you look at him. You blink to clear your mind, wish you could just lean into his touch and disappear forever.
“You know what school I went to, right?”
“Aoba Johsai, yes. You were a manager for their volleyball team.”
“Yes,” He must have realized the truth already, still he asks you to say it out loud. “I’m still friends with the team, like you are with yours. They are not… They’re not fans of you.”
“I understand.” Wakatoshi nods. His hands slip away from your face, you miss them immediately.
You didn’t plan for it to go like this. He’s got an uncanny ability to make you open yourself up. Being vulnerable feels less scary when it’s him. 
He takes your hand again, guides you around the park for another round as you tell him all there is to know about your poor attempts at dating. How it sucks to be “just one of the boys” sometimes. How it hurts that they don’t even ask anymore if you’ve got a second date. How scary it is to admit to them that you’re dating him.
You bite your tongue after those last words. You’ve been on two dates so far, this is your third. Is it too forward to call this “dating”? What if he’s not-
“I understand if you want to keep this a secret for longer,” he says. His voice is heavy in a way that tells you that there’s more to it. 
Two things can be true at the same time. Understanding it won’t mean that he’ll appreciate it.
“I will… I will try and talk to them,” you promise. And you will. Even if you could keep this a secret, you won’t if it hurts him. And you can tell that it hurts.
-
You wish you could kiss him goodbye. But you can tell that he’s distanced himself, put up a wall to protect his heart. 
“On Wednesday we usually meet up to drink beer and play games,” you explain, wringing your hands, “They should all be there right now. Well, except Kyoutani. I will... I will go and talk to them right now.”
He nods. Your voice breaks a little when you ask. “Are we still- Are we still on for Friday?”
“Of course,” his deep voice soothes your anxious heart a little. You take a step forward and hug him, stiff and awkward, before you move back.
“I really like you, Wakatoshi,” you say before you can take it back, swallow it down, hide it from the world. 
“I like you too.”
- - -
Makki is already buzzed when he opens the door.
It’s probably not the best time to talk about things like this, but you want to get this over with. If you talk about it now, the dust will settle by Friday. Or so you hope.
There’s an iPad on the coffee table, Iwaizumi and Oikawa grinning back at you. You accept a beer, almost drop it with how jumpy you are, your legs unable to stay still.
“So, how was your date?” Makki asks, cutting off one of Oikawa’s rants.
“Good,” you say and take another sip of beer, “We met Kyoutani at the park.”
“Oh?” Mattsun looks up from his phone. “So you met the girl he fancies?”
“Maybe,” you shrug, unwilling to give up his secret. He’s got his one fears to face. 
“What you mean, dear Mattsun,” Makki teases, “Is that Kyoutani met her boyfriend.”
Oikawa gasps dramatically. “No way?! You got a boyfriend? Who is it!”
“Ushijima,” you say, ripping the bandaid off in one swoop.
Makki cackles, spurned on by Oikawa’s apparent confusion.
“Good one,” Mattsun jokes as Iwaizumi snorts. The younger players don’t think the joke’s that funny. It’s Kunimi who bothers you the most, his perceptive eyes locked onto your face.
“Guys,” he cuts through the laughter, “She’s serious.”
And it would have turned out better, you suppose, without the beer. Because Oikawa gets more petulant when drunk and Makki’s jokes are a bit less funny and a lot more mean when he’s buzzed. The younger guys don’t really know how to mediate. That has always been your job, or Iwaizumi’s. But the distance does not work in your favor.
You leave half an hour after you’ve arrived, angry tears streaming down your face. 
It’s always the people closest to you that hurt you the most. They know what parts of you are the most sensible, and which parts of you are still bruised, still in the process of healing.
You press your phone to your ear.
Wakatoshi picks up right away.
“I talked to them,” you press out. Your voice is doing funny things again and you swallow back another wave of tears, less motivated by anger and more by hurt.
“Do you want to come over?” He asks and you don’t hesitate to agree.
It hurts to fight, to possibly lose good friends over something as stupid as old rivalries, but Wakatoshi is good at soothing over it, with warm hands and the gentle rumble of his voice as he holds you close.
-
You don’t meet up with the boys on Friday. No one has bothered to invite you.
You watch Wakatoshi practice instead, laughing about Kageyama who pesters you about how to better his form - you’re a licensed sports therapist after all - and teasing Hoshiumi who fake gags every time you throw Wakatoshi a kiss. 
You move your date to Wakatoshi’s apartment, cook dinner together - it turns out pretty decent - and talk through the night. When you wake up in his arms on Saturday morning you know that you want this to go on, that you want this to be a relationship that lives instead of dies, one that strengthens over time.
- - -
You’re a little surprised to find Mattsun and Makki at your work. 
It’s Wednesday and they should be working too, well, at least Mattsun should.
“Iwaizumi called us every day,” Mattsun admits eventually, “Apparently we’ve been dicks.”
“Yeah,” you tell him bluntly, noticing that Makki’s still stubbornly staring out of the window. “You were.”
“Oikawa’s still pissed,” Mattsun admits next, taking a seat in front of your desk. “But he’ll get around. Kunimi pointed out that it was a blind date. You didn’t actively pick him.”
“Even if-” You start but Mattsun just shakes his head. “It’s Oikawa. Logic does not pull.”
“I’m only apologizing-” Makki interrupts, huffs, and continues, “I’ll only apologize if you do too.” He glares at you. Mattsun’s looking too, though his eyes are softer.
Finally, you nod and get up, offering your hand for Makki to shake.
“I’m sorry I made fun of you. It’s not your fault that you got fired.”
He huffs again. You know that sound. He sounds like that when he’s trying not to cry. And you suppose you can’t fault him for that. Friends just know where it hurts the most.
But he shakes your hand, his grip a bit firmer than it needs to be.
“I’m sorry that I called you an ugly bitch that has no game.”
Suddenly you can’t help but laugh. It flows freely, from deep within, has you bending over the desk as you cackle. They laugh along, softly first before it breaks out of them too.
“All good?” Makki asks when you eventually calm down.
“All good,” you agree, looking over at Mattsun. He shrugs. “Don’t look at me, I’ve always been good.”
“Sure,” you joke, “But just so you know, I’ll bring Wakatoshi along tonight.”
Makki rolls his eyes. “Whatever. I’ll smoke him at Mario Kart.”
As it turns out, however, Wakatoshi smokes him.
Who knew he had it in him?
.
-.- Warsaw -.-
The front door closes with a soft click, alerting you.
“Shh!” You hiss at the boys before turning toward the door of the living room. 
“Hey honey, welcome home!”
“Hi,” Wakatoshi steps inside, spots the beer and your laptop screen and waves. “Beers and Games?”
“Yeah, but it’s not that important.” You get up to kiss him, ignoring Makki who’s trying to make a point of his importance. “You wanna go out to eat?”
“Can we stay in?” He asks, “There’s this new movie that Satori recommended.”
“Yeah, sure,” you nod. “Go shower. I’ll make some food.”
He smiles and leans in for another kiss, waving at the camera before he leaves for the bathroom.
“So he doesn’t know, huh?” Mattsun asks as you pick up your laptop and carry it to the kitchen.
“No, I want to tell him tonight. Thanks for not spoiling it guys.”
“Anytime,” Kindaichi pipes in. You bet he’s got no clue what you’re talking about. “What are you making?”
“Golabki,” you answer, “Cabbage roles. I’ve been obsessed with these lately.” 
You catch up while you cook, eager to hear more about Kindaichi’s budding relationship or Makki’s latest work adventure. Even Kyoutani contributes a lot today, proudly talking about how Yachi has won a prize for one of her designs.
At some point Wakatoshi appears, leaning into you as you work. He likes to be in the way when you facetime the team, thinks it’s funny that Makki has named him “the Log” or that he’s always blocking the drawer you need to get to the most.
“Move,” you tell him, pulling at his thighs. Behind him’s the cutlery you need to set the table.
“There’s a price for that,” he tells you quietly. You roll your eyes and move to kiss him. He shuffles slightly to the side, now blocking the cabinet that hides the plates.
-
It’s only after dinner, your laptop put away, the dishes done, that you find yourself back on the Couch, cuddled into him.
“Wakatoshi,” you address him, your hands shoved under his shirt. His eyes have closed but he’s still awake, you can tell by his breathing.
“Hmm?”
“Remember how we were talking about what we wanted to do on your next break?”
“Yes?” He opens one eye to squint at you. “Do you still want to go back to Japan?”
“I wouldn’t mind it,” you confess, “But we talked it through. It’s not feasible and I’ve got a better idea.”
That has him opening both his eyes. He can sense that something’s coming and you nestle further into him. 
You like to surprise him, for sure. You love how quiet he gets when you do something special for him, almost unsure if he deserves it. If this is really just for him. But that doesn’t mean you don’t get flustered by your feelings for him once in a while.
“I got us tickets to Paris,” you tell him quietly. “Tendō already knows.”
When he pulls you close he doesn’t have to say anything. You already know.
He misses his best friend just as much as you miss yours.
824 notes · View notes
wardenparker · 2 years
Text
For Her
Joel Miller x female reader Co-written with @absurdthirst
Rating: Mature Word Count: 10k Warnings: Cursing, food, panic attack, references to unplanned pregnancy, past pregnancy, mentions of Sarah, general post-outbreak mood. Summary: Low on supplies and needing rest, Joel and Ellie stop in a colony he has heard about to restock on their journey west, but Joel finds far more than be bargained for within the city walls. Notes: We are so, so excited to debut our first Joel fic! We’ve been looking forward to this for ages and can’t wait to explore with the character some more!
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There aren't many things that are better now than they used to be. Most comforts are gone and there hasn't been any such thing as safety in twenty years, but Lake Erie is more beautiful than ever and sunrises over the water do have a certain amount of appeal that they lacked before now. You had come here on camping trips with your family as a kid and can't remember it ever being this pretty. Not that sunrise is typically your favourite time of day, but the little bundle wrapped in blankets in your arms seems to love it, and she coos happily now at the rising pinks and oranges in the sky while she wiggles her little fist in the air. Everything is better now that she's here, and you press a kiss to her coffee-brown curls. The rest of the world may be in shambles, but you're going to keep this little bundle safe and sound.
******
Joel's eyes are wary, watchful as he looks around. The rifle in his hand lowered, but still ready to lift and fire, the safety switched off and his finger on the trigger guard. "How much we got?" He demands, peeling his eyes away from the surroundings to glance down at Ellie where she has the supplies scattered out, taking count after a bag had been lost during the last run in with a group of clickers.
"Not much." Ellie frowns at the spread, realizing that the pack they'd lost was the one with most of their food. "We have a couple of days here, at best."
"Shit." Joel hisses, tapping his hand on the guard as he thinks. Trying to decide the best course of action. "Gimme the map." He huffs after a second, holding his hand out so he can look at it.
"Here." Joel's map is marked out in codes and colors that Ellie still hasn't figured out yet, but she's been trying ever since they left Boston. She hands over the map now and starts repacking their supplies. "We just crossed the border into Pennsylvania."
"No shit we crossed the border into Pennsylvania." Joel grumbles at her, aware that the moss covered sign they had passed thirty minutes ago proudly proclaimed them to be inside the boarders of the old state. He shuffles the rifle onto his back and starts studying the map, trying to remember where she had told him there was a colony the last time he left the Boston QZ.
"Cranky." Ellie rolls her eyes as she ties up the drawstring on the bag and shoves it into her backpack.
"Shut up." He grunts, running his finger along the road that the two of them are on. Tracing it up to a small town on the edge of Lake Erie. "Lake City." He taps the map as he remembers her smile as she talked about it, making it seem like it was a haven. "I know a place." He decides, folding the map back up and holding it out to the girl. "They should have supplies."
"A lake?" That perks Ellie up, and thoughts of an actual bath in the fresh water and clean clothes are suddenly at the forefront of her mind. "Fuck it. Let's go."
She hikes her pack up higher on her back and steps past him like she's eager to get there. Making him look after her for a moment before he huffs in amusement and starts to follow. "Hey kid, wait up." He orders, not wanting her to get too far ahead of him.
"You got longer legs than me, old man." She throws the taunt behind her with a smirk, not bothering to turn around and look at Joel. "Catch up."
******
It takes nearly three days to get to Lake City. Joel had to keep the girl in a warehouse for an extra six hours when a group of clickers had come by, huddled down and silent as they wandered through. His finger on the trigger and his body in front of her to protect her if necessary. By the time the tall, cobbled together walls come into view, he can barely see twenty feet in front of his own face. It would have been better to have found a place to bunk down for the night, but the supplies were gone and the girl's stomach had been growling for hours.
The watch lights on the catwalk at the top of the walls outside Lake City aren't exactly anything fancy. There's no FEDRA presence here and therefore no Fireflies. No one waving their gun around or murmuring codes around alley corners. The community of Lake City takes care of itself - self-sufficient and self-supporting in every way they can manage from crops and farming to security and back again. There are two people on the catwalk tonight, carrying two of the only guns in the colony to make sure that no clickers come near the gates. They aren't expecting to see anything, and are chatting between themselves about some gossip or other when one of them stands straight up and points the barrel of his rifle down at the two figures approaching the gate. They don't have the movement patterns of any clickers he's seen, but no one takes chances anymore. "STOP!"
"We're alive!" Joel calls out, lifting one hand up and holding the rifle securely with the other as the two of them slowly approach the light. Squinting at the spotlight that is aimed towards them and he moves his hand to shield his eyes from most of the harsh light.
"I can see that." The voice calls out from the top of the wall. "Put down your gun and stay where you are!" The other figure on top of the wall moves out of sight, presumably to come down and inspect the new arrivals.
"I ain't dropping my gun." Joel calls back, not willing to unarm himself. "Not a chance."
"Hold it out. Finger off the trigger. Stay where you are." The voice from the wall instructs. Down below, the much smaller city door swings open, revealing a smaller figure clad in mismatched armor with a gun directed at the new arrivals. "Stand down." The smaller figure orders from behind their helmet.
Joel holds the rifle out, finger lifted into the air but his eyes are watchful, making sure that no one makes a sudden move. He doesn't trust anyone.
It's not until the figure gets closer that they stop, standing stark still in the open field in front of the gates. They don't speak and Ellie keeps herself from fidgeting. She just keeps her eyes moving between Joel and the person in armor until they nod and turn back to the wall. "Let them in!" The figure calls, without testing or checking or finding out anything.
Your eyes widen when you recognize Joel, grateful for the visor that keeps him from seeing your face and potentially recognizing you as well. Although maybe he wouldn't even remember you, you don't know. It was one night well over a year ago, when you were coming down through what used to be New England and ran into him on the road. The idea of sharing supplies and safety in numbers for one night had ended up with the two of you tearing each other’s clothes off and spending all your frustrations in passion. A night that has ended up being far more consequential for you than it ever could be for him.
Joel frowns, standing straight and immediately moving towards Ellie. The protective stance easy for anyone to see as he eyes them. It's unusual that anyone would let people into their colony without questions or testing. Even without the FEDRA influence. "Thank you." He nods towards the figure who is seemingly giving the orders. "We're just passin' through. Need supplies."
“When was the last time she ate?” Deflecting more than slightly, you nod toward the girl, wondering if she’s his. If you aren’t the first woman that had a night with him and ended up living with the consequences.
"Yesterday." Joel answers, making Ellie cut her eyes up at him.
"She can answer for herself." She blows out and looks back at the figure dressed in tactical gear. "Yesterday." She repeats without a hint of irony.
"Then we'll get you something to eat." You nod back to the gate and start walking, knowing that no one left in the world would be dumb enough not to follow. There's shelter, food, and safety on offer for them inside the colony walls. It's literally what they came here for.
Joel looks at Ellie, nodding towards the figure that is retreating. "Well?" He huffs, "better follow." He readjusts his rifle and starts out after the gear covered leader, frowning slightly as he watches their gait. Something seems familiar about it, although he doubts he will run into you here. You had told him that you were planning on going west.
"This place is weird," Ellie mutters, though she follows at the promise of food. "No test and no interrogation? Weird." Inside the gates, the third member of night watch usually doesn't do much. They're there for support, and to keep the rotation going so the people on top of the wall are always alert. Tonight, though, he looks completely appalled that you're opening the gates for new arrivals. "They need food," you tell him, keeping your helmet and visor in place so no one can see how poorly you're dealing with him appearing out of nowhere. "And someplace to sleep. They'll be gone again in no time."
"Keep your eyes open." Joel watches the person's back warily and cuts his eyes around. "Stick by my side. I don't know what's going on, but I don't trust 'em." If this place is half as lax with security as they seem, it's a wonder that it's still standing. Although it seems a lot cleaner than the FEDRA Boston QZ. Hard to see in the dark, but he imagines it's as picturesque as you had described it.
"Shiiit." On the other side of the gate, Ellie stays at Joel's elbow as they follow the guard through to another room. An empty table and a few chairs standby but not much else, and they stand apart from the furniture when you turn to nod to them. "Someone will bring you food and show you where you can sleep. And they'll lock the gates behind you when you leave tomorrow." You have no expectation that he'll stay here, and even though you had dreamt plenty of times of this man coming to find you - and all the tenderness that that might bring with it - you aren't going to say a word. Not when you have your own secret.
"That's it?" Joel shifts slightly, eyes narrowing as he glances around the room suspiciously. "You're just gonna...let us stay?" His tone is disbelieving and it should be, nothing is free in this world since the Outbreak day. "What's really goin' on here?"
Your head drops a little, and you hate him for being so cautious that he can’t just accept the proverbial gift horse he’s being given. “You want to be turned away? Kicked out for asking questions? Fine.” You point to the door. “Get out.”
Joel doesn't move, just stands there watching. Rocking his jaw for a second before he purses his lips. "Lift your visor." He demands, his gut telling him that he knows why he was just let in. "Show me your face."
You could say no. It would be easy. Two letters. One syllable. But you hesitate. “Put down the gun,” you bargain instead. At the very least you don’t want him blowing you away the second he’s confronted with his past.
Instead of putting it down, he takes his finger off the guard, simply holding it by the pistol grip and he lowers it towards the ground in a relaxed position. "As good as it's gonna get." He tells you simply.
It draws another sigh from your lips, but since the Joel you knew was as thorough a son of a bitch in every way as you had ever met, you know he won’t let it go. If you try to retreat he’ll just follow you and pull the helmet right off your head. “I’m not looking for trouble,” you tell him honestly, but pull up the visor on your helmet with two fingers anyway.
Joel's slight scowl immediately softens into a mixture of confusion and satisfaction at being right. Your name comes off his lips in a soft whisper as he takes half a step back in surprise. "You're— you were supposed to be going west." He mumbles, looking you up and down as if what you were wearing would tell him the story of the last year.
Astonished but quietly glad that he actually remembers you, you shrug your shoulders as nonchalantly as humanly possible and take your helmet clean off. No use hiding now. “Circumstances change.” Motioning to the girl beside him, you try not to look to curious or affected by it at all. If he had a wife that he was stepping out in, you don’t want to make waves. “For you, too.”
"Who, her? Joel points at Ellie and shakes his head. "No, she's cargo." He huffs, not wanting you to believe that this girl is his. "Transporting her." He doesn't want to admit it, but you look good, softer - even with the harsh tactical gear.
“Well…I’m sure you’re not aching to rehash old times.” Although now that he’s seen your face, you have to admit that you are. “I’ll go get your food.”
"Wait." Joel steps forward almost instinctively, not wanting you to leave right away. He's wondered about you since that night, no matter how he's tried to just forget about it. Wondering if you had gone west like you planned and he wonders what had kept you here.
"Well, that's interesting." Ellie huffs, making him turn around and glare at her.
"Unless you need to go." Joel adds, feeling foolish.
“I’ll see if Zach can take over on the catwalk for me.” As much as you’re trying to guard yourself, you do want to talk to him again. You’ve literally dreamt of seeing him. Of a night or day just like this when he would come walking up to the colony gates looking for you. Except he wasn’t actually looking for you. He’s just hungry and transporting some teenager. “Sit with you for a little?”
Joel nods, slightly relieved that you aren't just walking away. "Yeah." He rasps out. "That'll be good." You turn around and walk away, leaving him with a smug Ellie, smirking at him like she knows something he doesn't. "What?" He demands harshly, sending her a glare that would make other men piss themselves but she just smirks harder.
“Who’s your pretty lady friend?” Ellie snickers, enjoying the hell out of Joel’s discomfort. He doesn’t show his cards often, but she loves it when he does.
"None of your fuckin' business." He grumbles, relaxing a bit now that he knows you're here. He sets the rifle down and shuffles the back off his back, relishing the relief from the weight. "I don't ask you about your life."
“It means something,” she argues, taking his relaxation as a signal that it’s safe to plop down in one of the folding chairs at the table that takes up most of the room. “You’ve fucking slept with your finger on the trigger. Now she’s here and you’re all trusting? It’s worth asking questions about.”
"It means I've met her before." Joel counters, shucking his jacket and rolling it up to tie to his pack. He wishes he had known you were here. He would have tried - well, there was nothing he could have done if he had known. It wasn't like he was going to pick you flowers and bring them to you like a beau coming to court you. You had one unforgettable night and for all he knows, you've got someone in your life.
“Yeah,” Ellie laughs. “From old times.”
"Aren't you like 13?" He rolls his eyes and pulls out a chair to sit down, groaning slightly at how good it feels on his back. "A year is old times to you, kiddo." It's shocking sometimes how much she can remind him of Sarah. The sass is a little sharper, but the smart mouth of the teenager has made him snort several times when she wasn't paying attention.
“So you knew her a year ago?” Ellie has been quick to pick up on his dropped facts, realizing he does it when something scratches at a particular thought or memory.
Joel narrows his eyes at her in warning but she just raises her brow at him. "Last time I was outside the walls." He admits, reaching up and rubbing his jaw with his hand. "She told me about this place."
“So she’s why we’re here?” Interesting that Joel actually listened to someone long enough to even absorb what they were saying. He’s not exactly chatty.
"No." Joel shakes his head, looking around the room. "We're here for the four-star accommodations." He jokes, knowing the girl doesn't have a clue what he is talking about.
“And for dinner.” Appearing in the doorway with three bowls of soup, some bread, and glasses of clean water, you carefully balance the tray until you can get close enough to the table to set it down. Luckily you’ve been in and out of this room enough times that you know exactly how many steps it takes to get from the door to the table. Six.
Joel leans forward and takes one of the glasses of water but he doesn't touch the soup or the bread. He trusts you, but that's not why he isn't eating. Instead he moves a bowl and a large portion of the food in front of the kid and nods to her. "Eat."
Ellie doesn’t have to be told twice, applying herself to the meal that’s available to her enthusiastically in the hopes that Joel will forget she’s in the room and talk freely. Gossip is the best she can do for entertainment half the time.
“You too.” The second bowl of soup and the last of the bread is set down for Joel, and you take the third bowl off the tray for yourself before handing out spoons.
"After the kid eats her share." Joel takes a sip of his water, knowing that he won't eat a bite until she is full. He hadn't eaten yesterday so she could have more. He could do without.
“Joel.” You would roll your eyes but you know what it is to be hungry. “There’s more in the kitchen. There’s plenty. Please, eat.”
He watches you for a moment before he nods, pulling the bowl towards him and immediately starts eating with the same tenacity as the kid.
You have to wonder how long they've been out in the wilds. It's a long way from the Boston QZ and they had said yesterday was their last meal, but you aren't sure it wasn't longer ago than that. Instead of asking questions you just have your own bowl, letting the silence be filled by nothing more than the sound of eating for now.
Joel is a fast eater. Has always been one. Oftentimes swallowing down meals to beat a timed clock to get to work on time, or to have a few minutes to rest before the lunch break was over on a job site. So he's the first one that is pushing the bowl away, not completely satisfied but the hollow ache is gone for now.
"There's more," you remind him, not trying to push but wanting - for your own reasons - for him to be taken care of.
"Maybe in a few minutes." Joel nods his head towards the girl. "Don't want her to throw it all up. Waste of food."
The girl grumbles and makes a face, but doesn't say anything, and you nod for now. "So...you're headed through? On your way from Boston to wherever?" For some reason you just can't bring yourself to ask if he would stay, which is what you really want to know. Even for a single day.
Joel looks at the door and then at Ellie for a moment before he looks back at you. "Got to get the kid to the Fireflies." He tells you quietly. "Just left Pittsburg and had a little trouble there." He admits, the run in on the road making them abandon the car when it crashed into the bookstore.
"Shit." Your shoulders fall a little, finding out that he's been in danger, but you don't reach for his hand like you want to. "Do you need to lay low for a little bit? How much trouble is a little trouble?"
"It wouldn't hurt." Joel acknowledges, knowing that he had pushed the kid hard for the past week, wanting to put as much distance between them and the city. "Be even better if you had a car we could have."
"I can ask around." A few people have pieces they've been cleaning up to sell to travelers exactly like him, but you had sold yours before the baby was born to get formula powder, diapers, and the other necessities that came with raising a child. "There's...there's room at my place but..." When you exhale you shudder slightly, suddenly terrified at having to actually tell him what happened. Never having thought this day would actually come, you hadn't exactly prepared a speech. "There's something you should know first."
Joel tenses immediately, knowing that news is never good. This time he is expecting to hear that you have some man in your life. That you don't need him bringing up the past. "You don't have to worry about it." He tells you immediately. "Won't say anything about it." He doesn't want you to think that will say anything if you hadn't been free to have him touch you like he assumed.
"What?" It takes you a second, but your mind catches up to his defensiveness relatively quickly. "No, no...that's not...that's not it at all. It's actually...kind of the opposite of that." Glancing at the girl he's got with him, you swallow a solid ball of nerves and try not to grimace. "Not sure what you're okay with me saying..."
"Well if it's something to do with where we're stayin' she's gonna find out." He frowns, trying to figure out what the hell has you so flustered. "Might as well tell 'er now."
"That's fair." But it still makes you blow out a slow, anxious breath and look down at your hands in your lap instead of even trying to look him in the eye. "It's just...if either of you has an issue with being around a baby...I'll find you somewhere else to sleep."
"A baby?" Joel's eyes widen and he frowns. "You found a baby out here?"
"Not quite." Found isn't really the word you would use. "I..." Your fingernails bite into your palms, nerves making you close in on yourself. With no idea how Joel will react, you just dive in headfirst. "She's seven months old. A-and her name is Caroline."
It doesn't take long for Joel to put the pieces together. You look like you're about to shit a brick and twisting your hands together nervously. Seven months old plus the eight—nine months carrying her. Puts her conception right at the time where he had been outside the walls and met up with you for one night. Joel's chair scrapes the floor as he pushes it back abruptly and turns to stalk out of the room, needing fresh air before he passes out.
"Oh fuck," Ellie murmurs, eyes going wide as she looks between you. Whatever gossip she thought she was going to get, this is way better. "It's not like I could just call you." Immediately ready to defend yourself, you're also ready to collapse inwardly from the anger and hurt on his face. "Show up to a FERPA QZ unauthorized and they hang you, so it's not like I could go to Boston, either." Calling the baby Caroline had been your nod to the city where her father supposedly lived, and she's had Sweet Caroline sung to her as a lullaby every night of her very short life.
Your words stop him from leaving, his back turned to you and he tries to breathe but all he can see Sarah's lifeless eyes, unable to protect her. "I-I need— to go-out-outside." Joel chokes, out, stumbling for the door.
"Joel!" Turning to follow him right away, you pause only for a second to point a finger at the girl. "Stay here," you tell her firmly before going after the man who has no idea how to navigate the colony he's about to be ambling around blindly.
Joel hits the door, stumbling into the colder night air, stumbling off to the side and bends over as he tries to suck in lungfuls of air and put his head between his knees at the same time. Blind panic taking over as all he can hear is the rapid, panicked breaths of his dying daughter's last breaths, not realizing it's actually his own breathing.
"Joel." Shooting after him, you find him hyperventilating against a tree in the courtyard beyond the gate. This isn't the first time you've ever seen somebody have a panic attack - it's a regular occurrence to a certain extent - but since it's the first time you've ever had to tell a man that you gave birth to his child, you're a little shaken. "Joel, you gotta breathe, okay?" You kneel down beside him and gently put your hands on his shoulders, trying to figure out if touching him will be soothing or just spook him more. "Deep breaths. Long, steady exhales."
"I c-can't – you— you— ba-bab-baby—" Joel closes his eyes and stops breathing at one point before he starts to drop down to his knees in the dirt. Inhaling roughly and sounding like a man starved of oxygen finally getting a breath. Trying not to pass out from the rush of oxygen to his brain and he clenches his fists on his thighs.
"I don't want anything from you." What the hell could you even ask for? Child support? That's fucking laughable in the world you live in now. Dropping to your knees in the dirt next to him, one hand is one his back but you're trying to search his face for some kind of reaction beyond panic. "Caroline and I are as good as anybody can be with the way the world is, okay? You just concentrate on deep, looong breaths."
"I don't— I can't—" Joel chokes out a sob and his hand wraps around his watch. The last thing he has from his daughter. "Sarah." He manages, trying to steady his breathing.
"Sarah doesn't need to know." Finding out he does have someone waiting for him is a disappointing twist to your gut, but you can't be focusing on yourself right now.
He shakes his head, shoulders slumping down and he takes a moment before he manages to take an even steady breath. "Not—" He stops himself and reaches for your hand. "She's okay?" He asks. "You're okay?"
"Yeah." You nod and squeeze his hand, wondering what the hell is going through his mind. "Yeah, Joel. We're okay. One of my friends is watching her while I'm on night shift, but we're good. She's...she's my angel."
Joel closes his eyes and absorbs the news that once again - twenty years later - he's a father. He nods, squeezing your hand back before he opens his eyes, more in control of himself than he had been minutes before. "Okay." He rasps out.
"You don't owe us anything, and I'm not asking for anything." He hasn't taken his hand back and you're shamefully glad about it, enjoying the warmth of him again after so long. "You just...you deserve to know she's yours."
He doesn't think that you would lie about something like that. You weren't that type of person. "I— Ellie—" He twists his head around to find the girl outside and staring at him with wide eyes.
"You guys are safe here." Whoever this girl is she's more than just cargo, but you're not going to ask questions. You always got the feeling that Joel was into far more dangerous shit than you could ever stomach, and while that was part of the sex appeal it did also mean you weren't going to stick your nose in his business.
"You shoulda stayed inside." Joel manages to sound like himself when he addresses Ellie but the girl just shrugs.
"But I didn't." She counters back with a smirk. "I wanted to see you freak out over having a baby. Old fart."
"Accidents happen in the world." Shit happens, you know that, and while Caroline was unplanned you wouldn't trade her for the world. "We all process shit differently, Ellie."
"He doesn't." She mutters, some of her joy fading as Joel stumbles to his feet and turns to her.
"Take your time." Your hand on Joel's arm is solid and would be comforting if it weren't for the situation at hand. "I'll take Ellie back inside. Give you...ya know...time to absorb."
"No." Joel shakes his head, the same calm that he normally shows settling back over him. "I'm good." He looks towards Ellie and grimaces. "Can the kid get a bath?" He asks, knowing it's been a while. "Some clean clothes?"
"Yeah, of course." Anything he needs is his, you know yourself well enough to know that you'll give him anything you can without sacrificing what Caroline needs. "A bath, clean clothes, food, place to sleep, whatever. I meant it, you can stay with me as long as you need to."
The invitation to stay shouldn't be appealing, but it is. Right now, Joel just wants to see this daughter of his and get some sleep. He's exhausted and now that his stomach isn't growling, he wants to rest. "Okay."
"Go grab your packs from the room," you urge them both, glad to see Joel looking a little more like himself again. "I'll go check in with Zach and then I'll show you where you're staying."
Joel is quiet as the two of them collect their things, ignoring the obvious looks from Ellie as she tries to catch his eye so she can grill him. He can't do that right now. Meeting you back out front and Joel holds the rifle loosely in his hand. "Lead the way."
******
The small house you've been living in is one of the lakefront cottages that some rich family once upon a time must have used for vacations. It's a little thing with just enough room for you and Caroline and your friend who drops in a few times a week to look after the baby so you can relax or work your night shift for the security team. A lot of your time is spent with the other mothers in the colony anyway, giving a whole lot of proof to the phrase 'it takes a village'. "This is it." A half mile from the gates, you point out the little house that once had white paint and blue shutters, and now looks exactly like the windswept relic that it is. "Home sweet home."
It's the closest that he's seen to normal since the outbreak. His face relaxing even more, and he gives a small half smile as he looks at it. "You sure you want us in your space?"
"You have more right to it than anyone else." The shrug you offer him is a little lax, but it's the best you can do. "And Ellie here needs a good night's sleep."
"I'd fucking kill for a pillow." Ellie moans, her eyes fluttering in at the idea of it. "Hey." Joel bumps her shoulder and frowns at her.
"No, it's alright." You wave him off, not wanting him to worry about propriety when you pull the front door open. "There's a spare bedroom with a whole bed with blankets and pillows and everything for when my friend stays over." Nothing is exactly high quality, but at least it's there. The glancing look you give Joel, though, is cautious. "I can sleep on the couch so you can have a bed. It's okay."
“I’m not takin’ your bed.” Joel huffs. “I’ve slept in worse places than a couch.” He’s not going to kick you out of your bed, not when you’ve got a baby to take care of. “Keep your bed, honey.”
What you really want is to offer to share it, but you're not sure if that would be weird to say in front of the teen. "Kitchen and living room down here, bedrooms and bathroom upstairs." You lead the way into the house with your voice lowered and point down the left side of the hallway. "That's the guest room and the bathroom, Ellie. Knock yourself out. There's a towel in the cupboard after you're done and I'll find something of mine you can wear for pajamas. We'll wash your clothes at the lake tomorrow."
“I get a bed to myself?” Ellie’s eyes are wide and she’s not too interested in a bath but she knows she will feel better. “For real?”
"It's not big, but it's all yours." You nod and watch her disappear down the hall at top speed. "She's sweet. Mouth of a sailor, but sweet."
“She’s a pain in my ass.” Joel corrects you, even as he smirks listening to her squeal of delight and the heavy stomping of her feet since she knows she’s safe.
"Do you..." Motioning toward your bedroom door lamely, you can hear your friend on the other side murmuring softly. "Do you want to meet your daughter?"
Joel takes a deep breath and after a moment, he nods. Just one short tilt of his head. Exhaling slowly so he doesn’t freak out again.
When you open the door two sets of eyes find you immediately. Your friend Emma is confused, obviously, but Caroline's little face lights up and she starts babbling happily the second you appear. "Home early tonight," you explain, offering both girls a smile and reaching for the little bundle in Emma's arms. "How's mama's little angel tonight? Did she wake up wanting snuggles again?"
A baby. It’s been nearly thirty-five goddamn years since Joel has interacted with a baby. Unable to do anything but watch as a little human, a miniature version of you - thank God - coos and babbles at her mommy. Hands grabbing and an occasional squeal coming out of her tiny, yet forceful, mouth.
"She got a little fussy a half hour ago," Emma tells you. Her eyes never leave Joel, though, regardless of the fact that she's talking to you. "One a.m. like clockwork." Bundling Caroline up in your arms is easy. It's like the most natural thing in the world despite how scared you had been to bring a baby into this insanity of this world around you. "Well, I got news for you, baby girl," you coo at her and bounce her softly in for your arms. "You have somebody extra special to meet." Stepping just barely to the side, you nod to Joel and smile. "Emma, this is Joel." The introduction is simple, but that's because your friend knows exactly who Joel is to you. Why he's so important. "Caroline, baby," you press a kiss to her forehead. "You wanna meet your daddy?"
Joel can't even spare a glance for the girl once he sees the kid. Fear, joy, bone deep sorrow and relief that she looks healthy all bloom in his chest at the same time. Eyes focused on her, absorbing every minute movement as you interact with his daughter. He moves forward, barely an inch, without even realizing it. Leaning in so he can see her better. See the child that he had created with you even though he had pulled out and thought that he had been fast enough. He knows that's not foolproof, and the evidence is right in front of him.
“Do you want to hold her?” Not knowing anything about Joel’s life before the Outbreak, you have no idea if this is the first time he’s held a baby or the millionth. He might hate them for all you know. Some people do, after all.
“No.” Joel rocks back and shakes his head immediately. “I’m— I’m dirty. I shouldn’t. I’ve been outside and who knows what I’ve picked up.” The idea of infecting this innocent baby makes his heart pound. “I— no.”
“Okay.” The panic on his face is unexpected, and surprisingly disappointing, but you nod and continue to bounce Caroline gently. “I-I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have…you don’t have to be her father. I shouldn’t have said that.”
“It’s not—” Joel cuts himself off and sighs. “I’ve been traveling for weeks. And had to— the clickers….” He mumbles, looking down at his filthy hands. “I need to clean up.”
“I’m gonna go.” Emma murmurs, grabbing her sweater from the old rocking chair and eyeing the two of you awkwardly. “Come by tomorrow?”
“Yeah.” You nod, reaching to squeeze her shoulder with one hand in silent thanks for everything she does to help you. “Thanks, Em.”
Joel listens as she goes down the stairs and out the door. Alone with you after over a year and there’s this baby in your arms. Taking him back to his early twenties, reminding him of when Sarah was that size. He clears his throat. “I— can I clean up?” He asks, knowing you might not have clothes for him to wear but it would be good to scrub the filth from his body.
“Y-yeah, of course.” You have your own bathroom, attached to your bedroom, and you know for a damn fact that if you hadn’t repaired this place yourself when you got to Lake City you’d be sharing it with at least one or two other families. But you put your foot down and you leaned on the pregnancy sympathy and you got it for you. Or really, for Caroline. “Through that door. I’m not sure if I have clothes you can wear, but I’ll look.”
“Thank you.” With one last look at the baby, Joel strides into the bathroom and closes the door. Amazed that there is a private space for you, that he’s got a baby he helped create. The mirror above the sink is old, the silver coating peeling but he looks into it and wonders when the hell he got so many grays in his hair.
Caroline frowns heavily when Joel disappears from her limited line of sight, and you coo at her quietly while he cleans himself up. “It’s okay, sweet Caroline,” you murmur, cradling her close. “Everything’s okay. He’ll be right back, baby girl. Don’t be sad.”
In the bathroom, Joel strips down, eager to be clean for the first time in who knows how long. The water isn’t warm but it’s fresh. Making him groan under the spray and watch as swirls of dirt and filth rush down the drain.
The sound of the shower running only lasts a few minutes, but you knock on the door when he’s done and call his name quietly. “Joel? I’ve got some things that might fit you. I’ll leave them in the bed for you while I get Caroline a snack, ok?”
“Thank you.” Joel calls out, stepping out and wrapping a towel around his waist. It’s the cleanest he’s felt in a long time and the lure of clean clothes is hard to resist.
******
You’re downstairs with a happily babbling little girl thoroughly enjoying her applesauce when Joel appears in the doorway, dressed in sweats and a t-shirt. He looks like an entirely new man - fresh and clean like he just washed up after work and it’s a completely normal day in a completely normal world. If not for the peeling paint and candlelight, you could almost pretend the Outbreak had never happened. That this is just life with your baby and the man who gave her to you.
"Hey, uh..." Joel frowns slightly, feeling awkward and not wanting to overstep in any way when you have been so kind to him. "I left my clothes in the bathroom. Didn't— they need to be washed." He explains, lifting a hand to run it through his squeaky-clean hair.
“I’ll take them to the lake tomorrow when I do Ellie’s.” You offer, assuming they’ve been traveling hard and will need to rest. Joel isn’t a gentle kind of guy.
"I can wash our clothes." Joel tells you. "You don't need to add more to your plate for us. You already have enough." His eyes turn back towards the baby and he is still startled by the large dark eyes watching him. Reminding him again of Sarah as a baby.
“Then we’ll go together.” That’s fine with you, it’s an excuse to spend more time with him. “This one keeps things plenty messy.” You grin and blow Caroline a kiss. “Don’t you, sweetie?”
Joel nods and licks his lips slightly as he watches the girl react to it. Waving her hands and grinning at her mother. She's getting sleepy, her eyes starting to drift closed before she wakes herself up and waves her arms around with a squeal. It makes Joel smile, just a tiny one, but he does.
“Looks like it’s bedtime.” There aren’t baby monitors or fancy cell phones to use as video equipment anymore, but you have Caroline’s bassinet set up in the corner of your bedroom and that’s all you need, putting her in her basket-turned-carrier anytime you leave the house together. “If you’re tired, we can talk tomorrow?” There hadn’t been much talking with Joel a year ago. It was fast and needy and amazing, but it certainly wasn’t romantic dinners or dates strolling through the park philosophizing about life. Wanting to know him now is just because of Caroline, you tell yourself, even though you know that’s a lie. You hadn’t ever stopped thinking about this man. “If you want, I mean.”
He wants to talk to you but he's also knows that you need to sleep and so does the baby. "Yeah." He nods, shuffling slightly. "We can talk in the morning. Go put the baby to bed and get some rest." He suggests, not hearing Ellie upstairs and he knows she's probably passed out.
“Sure.” You nod, hoisting Caroline up in your arms and picking up the hat of applesauce to put it back in the barely functioning refrigerator. “Just, um…” A smile cracks your tired face when you look at him, you just can’t help it. “It’s good to see you, Joel.”
"It's good to see you too, honey." He remembers calling you that during that one night. It wasn't like he didn't remember every single second of that night after he had left you. He isn't in love with you, that would be foolish, but you had stayed in his mind and now he's seeing you again.
“There’s blankets and extra pillows on the couch.” You want so badly to have just the casual intimacy that would allow you to kiss his cheek, but that night was a long time ago and things are different now. Or at least you tell yourself that they are, because it makes you behave yourself. “Good night.” You turn for the stairs, gently patting Caroline’s back as you go, wanting her to settle in and sleep through as much of the night as possible. You don’t know if you’ll sleep, with Joel so near, but she should be able to have wonderful dreams.
******
Joel, when he's not popped any pills, is a light sleeper. Not sure when it is, but the sun is still down, jerking awake and listening for a moment for what had pulled him out of restless dreams of Sarah when she was a baby. Then he hears it again. A small cry. Not loud enough to really upset the household but the first unhappy sounds of a baby. Grunting, Joel rolls off the couch and stands. Starting to slowly make his way up the stairs. Expecting to hear your voice as he goes, but he still just hears the kid. Until he pushes the cracked door open and sees the small light, the baby moving in her bed in a corner and Joel looks over to see you sprawled out, still asleep. Another small grunt makes his head snap back towards the cradle and he moves towards it slowly.
She looks up at him with curiosity - not scared of him or disliking the look of him, apparently - just upset that in this exact moment there is no one holding her. Whatever the reason, whether it was a bad dream or an upset stomach or general discomfort, little Caroline reaches up her arms to ask to be held as another small cry escapes her trembling lips.
He doesn't hesitate more than a second, watching her as he reaches down and picks up the small girl. Instantly flashing back to when he routinely carried around another baby. He cradles his daughter in his arms and cuddles her close. "Hey baby girl." He croons softly, not wanting to wake you up but happy that she isn't crying now that he's holding her.
It’s sometime after that, that the nightmare starts. You’re oblivious to the world while you sleep heavily in your bed, and the nightmares come out of nowhere. Memories of the Outbreak mix with Caroline’s birth, with terrifying thoughts of losing her or seeing her turned as a child or even a full grown woman. Fear of infection grows in you exactly like the fungus the whole world has grown to fear, and you wake up in a panic that has you covered in sweat. Only to see Joel sitting in the rocking chair under the window with Caroline against his chest like nothing in the world has ever gone wrong in the first place.
"You woulda liked her." His hand is firm on her back, the warmth from her little body against his skin keeps him grounded. "Or she woulda loved you. She woulda fussed and cooed over you like you were the most precious thing." He thinks Caroline likes the rumble of his voice, the vibration from his chest. "She always wanted to be a big sister."
“Wha—what?” You can hear Joel talking but can’t quite make it out. Digging your way out of the mire of nightmares is like slogging through mud. “Is everything okay?”
Joel startles slightly, not enough to disturb Caroline, but he turns his head towards you. "I didn't wake you, did I?" He asks, frowning slightly at the thought. "Didn't mean to."
"No." Wiping one hand down your face, you shift to sit up in bed and get a better look at Caroline in his arms. "No, I, um...nightmare." You shrug one shoulder lamely.
"I was tryin' to let you sleep." Joel looks back down at Caroline and then back at you. "She got a little fussy but she was good as soon as I picked her up."
"I don't normally sleep so deeply." Damn nightmares kept you from hearing Caroline, which you hate, and you scrub both palms down your face in dismay. "I'm sorry she woke you up."
"Don't worry about that." Joel can't help but lean his head over, running his nose over her soft head and down her cheek. "I was just talkin' to her. Tellin' her about things."
"What kind of things?" Instantly you wish he was sitting on the couch or in bed with you so you could cuddle up together. A domestic thought that makes you wish you were a family.
Joel rubs her back gently when she squeals and then settles back down against his shoulder, chuckling softly. “I was tellin’ her about…Sarah.”
"Who is Sarah?" He had said the name earlier, but you weren't about to interrogate him in the middle of a panic attack.
He closes his eyes and nuzzles the baby again, remembering how soft and sweet they could smell when they are clean and sleepy. “She…she was my daughter.”
You don't miss the was in the sentence, and you suck in a cautious breath. "I'm sorry." Now that you have Caroline, you can't imagine the pain of losing her. No wonder he panicked when you told him he had another.
“It was a long time ago.” Joel mutters softly, his eyes opening and finding yours, seeing the sorrow in them. “She woulda been 32, laughing her ass off at her old man finally givin’ her the sister she asked for for Christmas every year.”
Before the Outbreak. You swallow, nodding as you absorb this new information. “If she was anything like you, she’d rib you mercilessly.” What little you do know of him, Joel teases as a sign of affection.
“Endlessly.” Joel knows what it’s like being a single parent, he hasn’t forgotten. “Her mother…left us when Sarah was three months old.” He decides he owes you this, you are connected with him in a way that fundamentally changes things. “I raised her, she had a...a way that just made me marvel at how smart she was. Quick witted.” His foot pushes off the floor and rocks the chair gently. “Until….”
“You don’t have to tell me if I’m you don’t want to.” If it will hurt you. The last thing you want is to hurt him in any way. Not when…when you feel about him like you do, and when he’s given you something as incredible as Caroline.
The baby squirms, capturing his attention for a moment and he rubs her back soothingly. “It’s okay. She— the day it happened – ‘Outbreak Day’ – it was my birthday.”
“Shit.” Shifting forward in your bed, you instinctively reach out to touch his knee. “I’m so sorry.”
“You know how it was.” Joel grunts. “Chaos. A plans crashed and the truck we were in flipped.” He can see it, plain as day. “Her ankle was hurt so I carried her and the Army— they—” He closes his eyes and squeezes them tight. “They shot us.”
“Assumed infected.” You sigh, looking down at your hand on his knee before realizing it’s probably an overstep and recoiling. “The Army took at least one person from all of us. People who could have survived. Who were fine.”
“They killed a twelve-year-old girl.” Joel hisses. “My baby girl.”
“And they killed my seventeen-year-old sister.” He’s not the only one who lost someone, but it’s obvious that his loss is still as fresh as the day Sarah was shot. “I-I’m sorry, Joel. I am.”
“I’m sorry about your loss.” He rumbles out softly. “We’ve all lost people.”
“We have.” You can agree to that without hesitation. “But…we also gained someone. Tiny and fussy and she’s got the best laugh in the whole world. I’m just…I’m glad you got to meet her.”
“I’m sorry.” Joel shakes his head, even as he cuddles her closer. “I didn’t mean to – I shoulda pulled out sooner, I guess.” He knows that he could have gotten you pregnant from precum but he still feels guilty.
“I appreciate that, but…now that’s she’s here? I wouldn’t trade her for the world.” The times of being angry with him for what happened are far behind you at this point. You knew the risk you were taking having unprotected sex - you had just wanted Joel too desperately to care.
“I never expected to see you again.” He admits quietly. “Thought you would be out west somewhere. Thought about it some.”
“You thought about me?” You probably sound more surprised than you should, considering how often you think about him, but you had assumed he would have forgotten about you fairly quickly. He had nothing like your reason to remember.
“Why wouldn’t I?” Joel frowns slightly and tilts his head at you. “Thought we had a good night. Conversation…what happened after.” He smirks slightly.
“I thought we had a fantastic night.” And you hadn’t wanted to let yourself be overly sentimental in dreaming that he might still think about you sometimes. “I just didn’t know what you were going back to, so I kind of…didn’t want to let myself get sentimental, ya know?”
Joel snorts and shakes his head. “Some things you just don’t do.” He murmurs. “End of the world or not.” He and Tess hadn’t been exclusive, hell – she hadn’t even really been in his bed for a month before he had met you. Not that it matters now.
"Doesn't mean you couldn't have met somebody else since." There had been a million different ways that you had talked yourself out of getting maudlin over his memory or overly attached to fantasies of him, and you shrug a little while you watch him rock your now sleeping baby. "It was easier not to let myself dream about you."
“Naw… nothing—” He clears his throat. “Nothing that actually matters now.”
"I'm not expecting you to drop everything because of her." That's not something you would have asked of him even in the time before, and you're certainly not going to ask it of him now. The world has changed, even if people are fundamentally the same. "But we won't say no to visits now and then if you're still traveling."
He’s quiet for a minute, stewing as he contemplates what to do. “I’ve got to go.” He admits after a long moment. “Get the girl to the Fireflies.”
"Yeah, you said." It hurts more than you want to admit, because you want him to drop everything and stay with you. To be with you and Caroline. It's such a juvenile fantasy in some ways, but the way you've felt about Joel for the last almost year and a half is undeniable. "But like I said...if you ever came back this way...we would be glad to see you."
He can hear it in your voice, twisting his head so that he can look at you. “She’s important.” He tells you quietly, hoping that he can trust you. “Special.” He adds meaningfully.
“She seems like a good kid.” A little foul-mouthed maybe, but you had been too, at her age. And that was without the world collapsed around you. “I just want you to know you’re welcome here, that’s all. Caroline is…she’s your blood. And if you want to know her, you should be able to.”
He should be grateful that you are telling him that. That he can live his life and not worry about the baby he’s fathered. But it irritates him. “You aren’t goin’ west anymore? You could.”
“I can’t protect her on my own.” It’s something that you struggled with. The change to your plans to go west and find what remained of your family had been abandoned when you figured out that your sickness was pregnancy and not any of the thousand other things it could be. “I stayed and worked on the house so she could be safe. I have no business going west anymore.” As much as it hurts you, you really can’t. Caroline instantly became and will always be your first priority. “Not until she’s older, anyway. A lot older. And by then who knows what will have happened.”
“I’ve got to get to Jackson. My brother Tommy, he’s missing’ and that’s where he was last.” Joel shuffles Caroline so that she’s cradled in the curve of his arm.
“Wyoming?” He said west, not south, so it’s an informed guess. And an ironic coincidence, if it’s true. “I…I used to have people out there. I don’t know if they’re still there or still alive, but they were in Jackson last I heard.”
Joel nods, confirming he meant Wyoming. The idea of traveling with a baby isn’t a pleasant one. It makes things hundreds of times more complicated, but he also knows that he doesn’t want to leave the two of you, wondering what would happen to you.
“Could I send a letter with you, maybe?” Just being able to tell your surviving family that you’re okay - safe and with a baby - would be such a relief. “If you don’t run into them or can’t find them, that’s fine. But just in case?”
Joel is quiet for a long minute, mulling over everything. “If we had a car, we could go. All of us.” Joel murmurs quietly, unsure of your willingness to travel with Caroline.
“You want us to go with you?” It honestly wasn’t something you had expected. If anything, you would have been ecstatic to have him come back to you when everything was over.
“Only if you think you can handle it.” Joel tells you quickly. “It’s not going to be stroll. It’ll be dangerous. And the baby will need to be protected.”
“I’ve been out there before,” you remind him. It’s how you met, after all. Or at least it’s where you met. Out in the wilds. “It’s how I know I can’t do it alone. But two of us? That’s…that’s different.”
Joel looks at you, “how much can we get?” He asks, wanting to know about supplies. A car, horses, whatever could be had here.
“A lot of people want this house.” A safe place to live is invaluable, and this one has the benefit of the small garden Emma helped you start. “I’ve got good food stores and medical supplies. Clothes, soap, a knife and an axe.” You had built up this house to be where you raised your daughter, so you had stocked up supplies, too. “We could trade the house for a car and whatever else we need.”
“If you’re wantin’ to stay here, I won’t blame you.” Joel strokes the baby’s face gently and smiles when she reaches up and grabs his finger while she sleeps. “It’s a nice life you have here and it – it’ll be hard out there.”
“This is as good a life as we can hope for anymore.” That’s true, and it makes a part of you ache that you actually aren’t very happy here. You have everything you need, Caroline is safe, and there’s less violence than in a lot of other places - but you feel isolated regardless. Even the friends you’ve made feel like placeholders compared to your family. “But I really don’t know.” Is it worth giving up security for happiness? How will you know which will make Caroline happier?
“If you want to go, I’ll get you there.” Joel promises you, serious about that. He will do anything to protect you and the baby. Ellie too. “I promise.”
“I miss my family.” It comes out small, more ashamed than you’d like, as you watch Joel cradle your daughter in his arm. “I think I’d give anything to have my family back. Anything but Caroline.”
“Nothing wrong with missing family, baby.” Joel hums quietly, thinking about Tommy….and Sarah. “Sometime the only reason to go on if for people we care about.”
“Do you keep going for Tommy?” It’s an intensely personal question, but the connection you share with him now just as intensely personal as you could have with another person.
“I did.” Joel admits, his brother the most important person in the world to him until recently. Or tonight.
“Did?” You ask, your eyebrows knitting together, wondering why he’s talking like his brother is dead when he just said he was going to find him.
“Did.” Joel murmurs softly, leaning down and pressing his lips to Caroline’s forehead. “Now I’ll keep going for her.” He tells you, looking up when he pulls away from his daughter.
______ Master Tags: @pixiedurango @chattychell @winter-fox-queen @lady-himbo @artsymaddie @princess76179 @paintballkid711 @missminkylove @pedrosbrat @ew-erin @sarahjkl82-blog @sharkbait77 @justanotherblonde23 @lv7867 @recklesswit @mylittlesenaar @f0rever15elf @gallowsjoker @steeevienicks @athalien @sherala007 @skvatnavle @thatpinkshirt @jaime1110 @girlimjusttryingtoreadfanfics @goodgriefitsawildworld @greeneyedblondie44 @katheriner1999 @littlemousedroid @harriedandharassed @churchill356 @ajathegreats-blog @hardc0rehaylz @beardsanddetectives @kirsteng42 @ladykatakuri @adancedivasmom @madiebear @tanzthompson @emilianamason @bigsdinger​
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wheneverfeasible · 1 month
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So we all know the mechanic Eddie aus out there, all love a greasy dirty Eddie Munson in coveralls, but what about mechanic Steve?
Steve, who has a nice car, who learned how to take care of it himself. Steve who found that he was actually pretty good with his hands, and a knack for fixing things. He understands cars, likes to tinker with them in his spare time, even if he had to teach himself at first.
Eventually he sees a Help Wanted sign at the mechanic’s and…well, why not? He applies, and he’s inexperienced, but they hire him. He sweeps and keeps things clean and tidy at first, and then he learns some hands-on experience, moves up in the job, and eventually he becomes the guy everyone wants to work on their car.
When the owner retires, it’s Steve who takes over the place, making the shop his own and making certain that it’s a safe place in a town where safety isn’t always guaranteed. The kids he used to babysit who aren’t kids anymore all learn car basics, Steve making certain they’re not caught in a jam and unable to help themselves, especially the girls. In the window, a small picture of Dorothy from Wizard of Oz rests, letting those who know…know.
And then maybe one day rockstar Eddie Munson returns to the small town he blazed out of after finally graduating, packing his shit up and high tailing it outta there like the bats of hell were chasing him. Maybe he’s still driving a shitty van, or maybe he got something a little more fancy. Maybe fame and money got to him a little bit and he’s got some fancy high end sports car and a bit of a dick personality. And this car breaks down. Who does he have to call?
King Mechanics.
And Eddie is huffing and complaining at it all, at his car for crapping out, for being late to meet his uncle, for having to wait for some mechanic to show up. And one does, not too much later after that first annoyed phone call. And the mechanic has surprisingly well-styled hair, and a body firm with muscle, filling out those oil stained coveralls nicely, and maybe Eddie starts to sort of flirt with the guy, until he looks at him properly.
Until he sees it’s Steve fucking Harrington.
And maybe they don’t get along well at first, and it’s all Eddie’s fault really, who is now huffy and puffy about having to deal with King Steve. Steve, on the other hand, is nothing but polite and professional, maybe even friendly. He might have taken back the moniker of king for his shop, might have even taken it as his last name after his parents disowned him when he came out as queer, but he’s far from who he was in high school.
And honestly? Teasing Eddie is kind of fun. Watching him get flustered and annoyed is funny because enough time has passed that Steve is comfortable with who he is and everyone in town knows he’s turned over a new leaf and it’s just amusing watching Eddie not realizing this yet.
They didn’t really have the parts he needs to fix Eddie’s car at the moment, however, so he orders them in. Offers to give Eddie a ride to wherever he needs to go. Maybe even mentions Wayne, with whom he actually got kind of close with, and who sometimes comes around for a cold drink now that he’s retired and has more free time on hand.
Eddie is incensed Wayne never told him he was friendly with King Steve, but Wayne never cared much for gossip, and Steve has been a godsend more than once when Wayne’s old clunker died frequently.
And so Steve and Eddie are thrown together, and Eddie realizes that maybe there’s more to Steve than meets the eyes, and that’s even before he discovers the Dorothy in the window. Sadly, he doesn’t discover it until after he goes on some rant about how Steve is clearly homophobic, but Steve just stares at him amused because he hadn’t even known Eddie was gay back in high school.
Eventually, Eddie realizes he and Steve have more in common than he ever realized. Realizes he’s become the sort of people he always despised and was a bit of an ass. Steve meanwhile was already aware of his crush on Eddie and was merely waiting for the right time to make his move.
Anyways. I just like the idea of done-up Eddie, slick and fancy, and dirty grubby mechanic Steve.
hostage tag: @derythcorvinus
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alessiasfreckles · 8 months
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too in love to think straight
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Alessia always thought she was straight, until y/n joined the team. Y/n has a crush on Alessia, but is far too shy to do anything about it. Their meddling teammates decide to help them out.
warnings: none!
A/N: based off this prompt! longest fic yet at almost 4k words, so thank you for the prompt, it definitely helped the writer's block!
------
Alessia Russo was straight. Straight as a ruler. Sometimes her teammates joked about it, teasing her for being a heterosexual female footballer, one of a kind. She had never let the jokes they made get to her, always brushing them off, not even giving them a second thought. After all, she was straight, wasn’t she?
She watched you in training, sometimes. Not in a creepy way or anything, just in a… ‘wanting to know more about you’ way. Alessia was fascinated by you, even if she couldn’t quite explain why. You had joined the team a month ago and had already earned a reputation for being extremely shy and quiet. Sometimes your teammates would place bets on who could get you to say more than a single sentence that day, which you didn’t mind, really. You knew they weren’t doing it to be mean, and that they’d stop if you asked. Despite how shy you were, you’d already found your place in the team and felt comfortable there. The girls were your friends, even if you didn’t talk much. 
You were warming up in training, your hand on Steph’s shoulder as you swung your leg back and forth, when she said something that made you start giggling. The sound nearly made Alessia trip over her own feet, and when she looked up to see you grinning at Steph, she felt something flutter in her stomach.
That was normal, right? That was a thing that happened to straight people? She just really wanted to be friends with you, that was all. Right?
As the days went by, she started making an effort to talk to you more. She would coincidentally finish getting changed at the same time as you, meaning the two of you ended up walking together quite often. 
“So, um, how are you settling in?” she asked the first time it happened. 
“Good,” you said, smiling shyly. 
“That’s good! I settled in pretty quickly too, the girls are so nice and welcoming here, you know? I had been worried when I moved that it was going to take me ages to feel at home, but now it feels like I’ve been here forever!” she rambled, and then laughed awkwardly. “Oh, sorry, I’m rambling, aren’t I?”
“No, it’s okay,” you glanced up at her and gave her another smile, blushing slightly, and she smiled back. 
From then on, she found herself thinking about your smile a lot. She would look for you during training, hoping to catch a glimpse of it. It was even better when it was directed at her. 
----
“So we can all agree that Lessi definitely has a thing for y/n, right?” Steph said in the changing room to the few teammates that were still getting ready after the two of you had (completely coincidentally, of course) left at the same time once again. 
“Wait, I thought she was straight?” Kyra asked.
“Nah, y/n’s gay,” Jen piped up. “I mean, she doesn’t really talk about it much, but she posts about pride month on instagram and stuff, and we talked about what going to pride for the first time was like a couple weeks ago.”
“No, I know y/n is gay,” Kyra said, exasperated. “I meant Lessi. She’s like, the token straight in the team.”
“Yeah, I have a feeling that our token straight isn’t as straight as we thought. Or as she thought, for that matter,” Steph grinned. “Have you seen the way she follows y/n around? Like a lovesick puppy.”
“Maybe someone should try and find out if y/n feels the same way,” Jen suggested, a sly look on her face. “Ky, you should do it.”
“What?! No way,” Steph laughed. “Ky can’t keep her mouth shut to save her life.”
“Hey!” the younger Australian protested. “Actually, yeah she’s right. I would definitely just ask her outright if she’s interested in Less. Kinda get the feeling that we might need subtlety to get that kind of info out of her.”
Just then, Viv walked back into the changing room. “What are you guys doing in here? Come on, we’re all waiting for you.”
“Viv!” Steph exclaimed. “You’d be perfect for our plan!”
“What plan?” she asked, crossing her arms and raising an eyebrow.
“Okay, so you’ve noticed how Less has a crush on y/n, too, right?” Jen said, grinning. “Well, we want to find out if the feeling is mutual. But, you know, since y/n’s so shy we figured that just asking outright isn’t the right approach. So…. that’s where you come in!”
“Really, guys?” Viv said, looking unimpressed. “That’s their business.”
“Oh, come on, Viv,” Steph pleaded. “Look, we all know there’s no way y/n would make any moves herself, and Less probably hasn’t even realised she likes her yet.”
Viv sighed. “I guess you have a point. But I’m not going to push her, okay? If she doesn’t want to tell me, that’s fine.”
“Oooh, this is so exciting!” Kyra squealed, clapping her hands. “Oh, but remember to be subtle!”
“Yeah, yeah,” Viv said, rolling her eyes. “Now come on, everyone’s waiting.”
----
“So, um, you’re very much straight, right?” Alessia asked Ella as they had one of their weekly facetime calls. 
“Ha, yeah, unfortunately,” Ella grinned. “Why, you interested?”
“Yeah, yeah, very funny,” the blonde rolled her eyes. “As, y’know, a straight person, would you say it’s normal to, um, think about another girl? A lot?”
“Right, tell me everything,” Ella said, getting comfy. “Who is it?”
Alessia groaned, burying her face in her hands. “Y/n. The newbie?”
“Aw, yeah, she’s cute!” 
“Okay, so you think she’s cute too! So, it’s a perfectly normal thing to think about someone, isn’t it?” 
“Well, that depends,” Ella said with a grin. “Do you think she’s cute in a completely platonic way or in a ‘she’s cute and i want to kiss her and have sex and get married and have babies’ way?”
“Oh my god, Ella!” Alessia groaned again.
Ella laughed. “Okay, so it’s the second one.”
“I don’t know, maybe?” the blonde blushed at the thought, but had to admit to herself that it wasn’t the first time she’d thought about kissing you. “So, it’s not something straight people think about?”
“Nope,” Ella smirked. 
Okay, so maybe Alessia was as straight as one of those bendy rulers the cool kids had in high school.
“Ugh, what do I do?” she asked.
“I mean, you don’t have to do anything if you don’t want to,” Ella said gently. “Like, about maybe not being straight, or about y/n.”
“Okay but,” Alessia started, then sighed. “Yeah, I don’t know if I want to do anything about the maybe not being straight bit. But, the y/n bit, I just, I don’t know! She’s just really fucking cute and like, really shy but when she does talk you can tell that she’s really smart and observant, and she has the cutest laugh, oh my god, the first time I heard it I nearly fell over, and I just want to be the one to make her laugh, you know? And like, I want to get to know her better. I want to know what she does when she gets home from training, what her favourite TV show is, what her family is like.”
“Well,” her best friend said. “Kind of seems like you do know what you want to do about y/n. You want to get to know her and make her laugh. Those seem like very achievable goals!”
“Yeah, I suppose,” the blonde said, frowning. Those were pretty achievable goals, actually. And technically she wouldn’t even be doing anything about her… well, her crush. She would just be getting to know her teammate. “Yeah. Thanks, Ella.”
“Anytime!” Ella said with a wide grin. “But as soon as this goes anywhere, I want to be the first to know, okay?”
Alessia let out a laugh, feeling much better after having talked to the brunette. “Deal.”
-------
A few days later, you were walking on the treadmill in the gym when Viv joined the treadmill next to you. You smiled at her, not thinking much of it, and when she gestured for you to take your headphones out you did. 
“Shit, sorry, I hate it when people try talking to me when I have headphones in,” she cringed, laughing sheepishly.
“It’s fine,” you said with a small smile. You liked Viv. She was quiet too, but more confident than you were. 
“I just wanted to check in, see how you were feeling. You’ve been here for what, 5, 6 weeks now?”
“5 weeks today,” you said, and she nodded. “I’m feeling good. I really like it here. Everyone has been really welcoming.”
She smiled, and it was genuine. She really did want to know if you were settling in okay. “That’s great! I’m happy to hear that. Beth will be too.”
“You two really are the mums of the team,” you teased softly.
“Ha, yeah, people say that a lot,” Viv said with a laugh. The two of you jogged quietly for a minute before she spoke up again. “So, I noticed you and Lessi have been hanging out a lot lately.”
“Oh, uh, yeah,” you said, blush quickly rising your cheeks. “She’s, um, really nice.”
“She’s pretty new here, too,” the older player said offhandedly, glancing over at you. “Maybe she can show you some good spots in the area?”
“Yeah, that’d be nice,” you said, feeling your cheeks burn as you looked down at the treadmill, not wanting to meet Viv’s eye.
“I’m glad you’re making friends here, y/n,” Viv said with a kind smile, and you nodded.
-------
“Okay, yeah, she has a crush on Less,” Viv announced to the girls in the changing room. It was the same group as before, Kyra, Steph and Jen, plus Katie, Leah, and Beth, who had gotten involved now too. 
“Oh my god, that’s so cute!” Steph gushed. “Wait, did she tell you that? Just like that?”
“No, of course not,” Viv said, rolling her eyes. “But trust me, okay? She likes her.”
“Alright,” Steph said, happy to believe her. “So, what’s the next step?”
“Guys, come on, you can’t meddle in this!” Leah said, standing up. “They have to figure it out for themselves!” 
“Aw, come on, Lee,” Katie said with a grin. “Surely a little push is okay? After all, there’s no way y/n is gonna do anything about it. And we’re still not sure Less even knows she likes her.”
Leah stood there for a minute, arms crossed, before sighing. “Fine, a little meddling is okay. But nothing big, alright?”
The girls grinned excitedly and got to planning.
-----
Jonas clapped his hands, getting everyone’s attention. 
“Okay, ladies, I want you to partner up for this next one!” 
The team was close enough that things like this didn’t make you feel the same dread that it did in P.E. in high school. Partnering up now meant partnering up with any of your friends, not waiting anxiously to see if you were chosen. Still, you waited to see if anyone did choose you. 
Alessia sidled up to you with a smile. “Hey,” she said.
“Hi,” you replied, smiling back.
Behind your back, Steph and Katie shot each other a knowing look and a grin. 
“I meant to tell you, you played really well on Sunday,” the blonde said with pink cheeks. You weren’t sure if it was from the cold air or if she was blushing. 
“Oh, thank you!” you ducked your head, blushing a little. “So did you.”
“Thanks,” she smiled. “So, um, did you have a nice weekend? Aside from the game, I mean.”
You nodded. “Yeah, it was good. I just stayed home and relaxed.”
“Yeah? What did you get up to?” she asked, eager to know more about you, but realised she might be pushing. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to pry-
“It’s okay,” you said, cutting her off and placing a hand on her arm, and she blushed at the gesture. “I didn’t really get up to much, to be honest. I watched some TV, read a bit, did some puzzles, baked a little. And the boring stuff, like doing some washing, cleaning. But I guess the other stuff is kind of boring too.” 
“No, it’s not! It’s interesting! I like learning about you,” she said quickly, then blushed deeper pink. “Um, what kind of puzzles? Like, jigsaw puzzles?”
You laughed gently. “Oh, no, like, um, puzzle books? Things like sudoku, crosswords, that kind of thing. It’s my guilty pleasure,” you admitted.
“Wow, so you’re smart, then,” she teased with a laugh. 
“Girls! Less chatting, more moving!” Jonas shouted across the field at the two of you.
“Oops,” Alessia said, grinning. “I guess he has a point.”
As you were walking back to the changing rooms after training, Jen came up from behind, clapping both of you on the back.
“Right girls, monthly movie night on Friday,” she said. “You in?”
You waited a beat to see Alessia’s reaction, before nodding.
“Great! Less, we good to do it at your place?” 
The blonde rolled her eyes, but she was smiling. “Do I really have a choice?”
“Nope,” Jen said with a grin. “Thanks, Less!”
She ran off, yelling to Katie that movie night was good to go, and Alessia laughed. “I’m not sure why they’ve picked my place,” she said, shrugging. “Personally I think Beth and Viv’s place is the best for movie nights. Plus, any excuse to see Myle, right?”
You nodded, smiling. You’d gone to one movie night at Beth and Viv’s place, a couple weeks after you joined the club. You’d been in awe of how close knit the team was, wanting to be a part of it, but not sure how. You hadn’t really said much that time, opting to sit on the corner of the sofa, watching everyone else around you.
“You’ll come too, right?” Alessia asked, her voice hopeful, and you felt your heart skip when you realised she was hoping that you would come, hoping you’d be at her place. 
“Yeah!” you said, trying not to sound too eager. 
“Good!” she said, sounding relieved. 
For the next few days, you couldn’t stop thinking about the upcoming movie night. You knew it wasn’t a big deal, really. After all, it was a bigger group of the girls that were going to be there, not just the two of you. Still, that alone was a scary thought. You preferred your own company, or the company of just a few people rather than a big group. 
Despite knowing that the evening was in no way a special occasion, you decided to dress a little nicer than you normally would for a night in (meaning you wore the slightly nicer leggings rather than the stained jogging bottoms you used as pjs half the time), putting your favourite perfume on to give you a boost of confidence. As you got closer to Alessia’s house, though, your stomach started tying itself in knots. You forced yourself to keep going despite how nervous you felt about being at the other player’s home for the first time, and rang the doorbell. 
“Y/n, hi!” Alessia said, beaming when she opened the door. “Come in! Oh, you can leave your shoes and coat over there, if you want.”
She wouldn’t admit it, but she was nervous too. She’d spent far longer than usual tidying and preparing for the evening, and had swapped out the decorative cushions on her sofa three times before giving up. 
“Am I early?” you asked when you realised you were the only one there. 
“No, don’t worry! Some of the others just have a habit of being late. Half the time I tell Katie an earlier time than we’re actually planning, just so she shows up on time. Speak of the devil,” she said with a grin when another car pulled up outside.
20 minutes later, the others had all arrived as well. It was a smaller group than last time, just 9 of you, though you weren’t sure how many more than that would be able to fit into Alessia’s living room. You were a little disappointed when Katie arrived so soon after you had, enjoying the short-lived one on one time you were spending with her. 
Meanwhile, Alessia and Leah were in the kitchen, getting drinks for everyone.
“So, you and y/n have been spending a lot of time together,” Leah said casually. “What’s that about?”
Alessia blushed. “We’re… friends?”
“Is that right?” Leah said with a knowing grin.
“Okay, fine,” Alessia said, easily giving in to Leah’s knowing look. She glanced over her shoulder, checking that the kitchen door was closed before continuing. “I just think that she’s really cute, okay? And yeah, maybe I want to kiss her, so what?”
Suddenly she was being hugged tightly by Leah. “This is so exciting!” the older blonde squealed, making sure to keep her voice down. “You should tell her.”
“What?! No way,” Alessia laughed, shaking her head. “I have no idea if she feels the same way!”
“Oh, come on, she definitely does!” Leah insisted. “Haven’t you noticed that you’re, like, one of the only people y/n talks to on a daily basis? Full conversations, too!”
“Pfft, that doesn’t mean anything,” the younger player said, frowning. Did it mean something?
Leah sighed. “If you say so. Just remember, though: tonight is for your own good.” she said with a wink, and left the kitchen before Alessia could ask what the hell she was on about.
She started to get an idea about 15 minutes, when Steph, Kyra and Jen all got a text message and mysteriously had to leave. 5 minutes after that, Beth checked her phone and, not particularly convincingly, said, “Oh, the neighbour has just messaged me that she can hear Myle going crazy, we should head home and check on her.”.
Alessia raised an eyebrow. It didn’t take long for Leah and Katie to make up a similar excuse. The door swung closed behind them, and she turned to smile at you sheepishly. 
“And then there were two,” she said. “Sorry, I’m not sure what all that was about. This isn’t how movie nights usually go.”
“If I’m being honest, I’m kind of glad it’s just the two of us, rather than a big group,” you admitted shyly, internally cursing the blush you could already feel rising to your cheeks.
“Me too,” Alessia said with a smile. Before she could get another word out, however, the bluetooth speaker she kept in her training bag next to the door started blaring Love Story by Taylor Swift. The song was accompanied by a couple of car headlights flashing outside the window and some honks, and when the two of you looked out you could see Katie grinning from her car before she sped off, cutting off the music when she left the range of the speaker.
“Right, well, I feel like she didn’t quite think that through,” Alessia laughed, shaking her head at your teammates’ antics. 
Your cheeks were pink and thoughts were rushing through your mind. Did they know you liked her? Was that why they’d picked that song? And why they’d all left?
Alessia’s phone buzzed, and she checked it to find a message from Leah, saying ‘Just tell her! You’ve got this!! x’. She quickly turned her phone off again when you glanced over, and gestured towards the TV, where the film the girls had picked was still playing. 
“Want to keep watching?”
“Sure,” you nodded, though really you weren’t that interested. If it meant you got to hang out with Alessia longer though, you were all for it. You both sat down and started watching the film again, but it didn’t take long for the two of you to start chatting, the film playing in the background. 
“It’s good that your family were so supportive when you came out,” Alessia said.
“Yeah, they were really sweet, actually. To be honest, I kind of think they expected it, you know? Being a female footballer and all that,” you said, then quickly blushed, realising what you’d said. “Not that, um, all female footballers are gay, of course, I mean, I know you’re, um-”
She laughed gently, blushing a little. “It’s okay, I know what you mean. I think my family were actually surprised, really, when I never showed any interest in girls,” Up until now, she thought. “I’m just gonna, um, get a drink, do you want anything?”
“Oh, no, that’s okay, thank you,” you said quickly, not wanting to make extra work for her. 
Grinning, she picked up your empty glass anyway and took it to the kitchen with her. When she was in there, she pulled out her phone, quickly texting Leah, ‘I don’t know how to tell her!’. She anxiously bit her lip as she waited for a reply, not realising that the water was overflowing in the glass. She swore under her breath when she realised, but was quickly distracted when a reply came through. ‘Tell her how you feel! That’s all you have to do x’. Well. That wasn’t particularly helpful.
She went back into the living room and set the glasses down on the coffee table. 
“So, when did you know you liked girls?” she asked, taking a sip of water.
“I think I always knew, really. I was just never that interested in boys, and I had a huge crush on a girl in my P.E. class in high school.”
“Oh, is that your type then? Sporty girls?” she teased, and you blushed. “Has, um, anyone caught your eye here then?”
“I, uh, I-” you stammered, cheeks burning. 
She laughed nervously. “Sorry, I’m teasing. Um, actually, there’s something I wanted to talk to you about.”
You could feel your heart pounding as you wondered where this was going. “Yeah?”
“Yeah, I- well, I don’t think I am, um, straight, after all. At least, there’s at least one girl that I am interested in,” she said, sucking in a breath and looking at you with bright eyes. “You.”
“Me?” you squeaked, brain struggling to process what she was telling you. 
“I’m so sorry if I’ve made this awkward, if you don’t feel the same way, I’ve never done this before with a girl, and I really didn’t mean to make things awkward, we can just stay friends if you want, I’m so so happy to just be your friend as well-” Alessia rambled, barely pausing to take a breath until you put a hand on her leg, making her stop.
“I’m, um, interested in you, too,” you said shyly, unable to meet her gaze. There was a part of you that was still wondering if this was all a big joke. When Alessia’s hand cupped your cheek, you started to feel pretty sure it wasn’t.
“Really?” she asked, lifting your head so she could look you in the eyes.
“Really,” you told her.
You both leant in, gravitating towards one another, and you could barely breathe. You’d thought about this moment, dreamt about it. Whenever the two of you exchanged glances at training, when she laughed at something you said, when your hands brushed as you walked next to each other, you’d think about what it would be like to kiss her.
Now you were finally going to find out.
767 notes · View notes
yangfleurs · 2 years
Text
stray kids: they call you clingy (pt.2)
hyung line
pt.1
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chan
"hyung, what the hell?” changbin bursted through the studio door, earning a groan from chan.
“why would you send y/n to the studio when you know we have a deadline by the end of the week, changbin? I’m not a little kid that needs to be coddled, and I definitely do not have the time for anymore interruptions.” chan grumbled, not once looking away from the computer screen in front of him.
“hyung, you can’t keep working like this, you know it’s not doing you any good,” he scolded. “and whatever you said to y/n, you better apologize soon. I’ve never seen her look so distraught.” he sighed.
chan sighed too, feeling guilty for sending you away so abruptly.
“and I know you aren’t great at keeping track of time, but do you really think it was a good idea to send y/n to walk home after sundown and without their jacket at that?” changbin said, pointing to your long-forgotten jacket sitting on the studio couch.
the guilt chan felt was immediately replaced by a deep sense of panic as he thought about you walking home in the dark of the night completely exposed to the elements and without him there to keep you safe. he scrambled out of his seat for the first time all day, grabbing your jacket and the food you made.
“you don’t even have to ask. me and jisung will wrap up whatever you’ve got, just trust us.” changbin smiled, moving out of the frame of the door so chan could leave. he thanked him quickly before rushing out, hoping you hadn’t gotten too far away from the building just yet.
the cold air that greeted him as he ran out immediately made his heart sink. he hurried towards the direction of your apartment, calling you as he ran. his worry only grew as his calls all immediately went to voicemail. it had grown completely dark around him and you were nowhere to be found. the panic made him sick to his stomach, but he kept looking around frantically for you. he called your name loudly, earning a few strange looks from the people he passed but he could care less; his only concern right now was you.
♡♡♡
the reason chan couldn’t find you right now was because you didn’t head home. you knew he would come to his senses in no time---he was always the sensitive type, picking up on his mistakes quickly and apologizing equally as fast. but you needed to be alone to process your feelings, so instead of going where you knew he’d go first, you walked yourself to the place you’d planned on going with him---the han river park. you sighed, walking into a convenience store and grabbing yourself a hot drink. you paid for it quickly before sitting down at a bench, trying to brave the cold wind biting at your face. it was a lot better a little while ago, when you wanted to come here and walk with chan. but those plans were far gone.
“what’s a pretty girl like yourself doing here so late?” a voice asked you. you looked up and were met with an older man, he looked unkempt, patchy stubble covering his face as he swung around a brown-toned beer bottle. you gulped, not knowing how to reply.
“I’m fucking talking to you, answer me!” he spat angrily, going to grab your wrist. you yelped moving away from the man, terrified and still unsure of what to do. he was taller than you and could easily overtake you if you tried to run. you shook as he kept screaming at you; whatever he had in strength, he lacked in motor functions, making it incredibly easy for you to dodge him as he chased after you in the little space around the bench.
“y/n! oh thank god, I was so worried!” chan yelled as you ran over to him.
“help.” you whispered as you both noticed the drunk man plod over to where you were. chan wrapped your jacket around your shoulders and hugged you reassuringly before pushing you behind him.
“and who’s this? I just asked why you were alone so late, baby, you didn’t need to involved your friend here.” he slurred, trying to dodge chan to talk to you.
“boyfriend. she was waiting for me so do us all a favor and leave us the hell alone before I have to call the police.” he said, clearly trying to keep his rage at bay. the man muttered a few cusses under his breath before relenting, making both you and chan take a breath of relief.
“let’s go home,” he turned to face you. “we have a lot to talk about.” he said with an apologetic smile on his face. you only nodded as you began to walk beside him.
you walked in silence for a while, waiting for chan to inevitably burst in profuse apologies at any given moment.
“I’m so sorry, my love. I didn’t mean anything I said. you’re not clingy and there’s nothing in the world I appreciate more than the attention you pay in making sure I take care of myself,” he stopped walking to look you in the eyes. “and I couldn’t be more lucky to have someone like you who’s always looking out for me and worrying about my well-being. there’s no excuse for the way I reacted today but I hope you know that I regret it so much and I’ll do everything I can to make sure it doesn’t happen again.” he finished talking, every single word he said dripping with sincerity.
“thank you. I get that you’re busy, but we should both working on seeing things from the other’s perspectives going forward, okay?” you said, earning a nod from chan.
“Am I forgiven?” he asked meekly. you nod enthusiastically. “I love you.” he grinned.
“I love you, too.” you replied with a chuckle.
“can we hold hands now?” he asked, wiggling his eyebrows playfully. you reached out your hand for his, letting him intertwine his finger with yours. he pulled your connected hands towards him, forcing you closer to him as you walked home, safe and content in each other’s presence. he leaned in, pressing a kiss to your cheek.
“I’m gonna inhale all of the pumpkin porridge when we get home.” he whispered as he pulled away, making you burst into a fit of laughter.
lino
"I’m going to give it to you straight; the cut in your hand is quite deep and you’ll need stitches,” the doctor told you as she put pressure on your wound to maintain the bleeding. “you’re absolutely sure you don’t want your guardian here? not to alarm you, but it’ll be hard to do anything, especially because you said this is your dominant hand.” she asked, clearly concerned for you.
“I’m sure, doctor.” you said with a nod.
“I understand. I will proceed since you’re losing a lot of blood and I want this situation under control as soon as possible, but I believe it’s in your best interest to call someone, even if it’s not your guardian, to handle the paperwork since you won’t be able to write.” she said firmly. you nodded, giving her the okay to stitch the cut in your hand. the doctor finished stitching in no time and dressed your wound as well, giving you careful instructions so you would be able to do it yourself at home. she left soon after, reminding you about the paperwork you need to have completed. you called chan, knowing it was his day off and he’d pick up.
“hey y/n, wasn’t expecting a call from you, what’s up?” he asked immediately.
“I know it’s your day off and I feel so terrible for asking, but could you come to the hospital? It’s nothing crazy but I need someone to fill out some paperwork for me.” you informed him, trying to sound nonchalant so as to not stress him out.
“hospital? what’s wrong? are you sick or hurt?” he bombarded you with questions. “and why are you calling me and not minho? did you guys fight?” he finally asked suspiciously.
“it’s a long story and I’m so tired, chris. can you please come? or send someone else if you’re busy,” you pause before adding, “but not minho. we’re not in a good place right now.” you sighed, leaning back in your chair.
“okay, I’ll be there in fifteen. but you have to tell me everything when I get there, okay?” he relented, making you agree before hanging up.
chan showed up soon after, finding you quickly in the emergency room with all of your paperwork in his hands.
“so you hurt yourself.” he said to himself, getting closer to you to inspect the damage.
“yeah.” you whispered, gently tugging your hand away from him, embarrassed.
“okay spill before I start jumping to conclusions. the last thing I want to do is assume anything about either one of you.” he said with heavy concern in his tone.
you recapped the whole night to him, everything from lino pushing you off of him to him treating you like a clingy, helpless child to how the cut happened in the first place. chan listened diligently, offering hums of understanding as he filled out your paperwork.
“I can talk to him for you if you want, y/n. this is a tough situation for both of you, I could knock some sense in to him.” he suggested softly.
“thanks for the offer, but I’m not reaching out first through you. he fucked up, he needs to figure that out on his own terms.” you paused, letting out a deep breath. “and I’m kind of embarrassed by all of this and I don’t need him rubbing it in my face, especially after everything from tonight. promise me you won’t tell him?”
“y/n---”
“chris, please. just this once. if you tell him, he’ll rush over and I already feel so stupid because of what happened earlier. I don’t want to face him right now.” you pleaded with him.
he was quiet for a while as he filled out the last section of the paper work. he released a deep breath he had unknowingly been holding in before finally agreeing. “I’ll stay out of it because you want me to, y/n. but the offer stands in case you change your time at any point. I care about both of you,” he patted your back reassuringly. “now, let’s get you home.” he said, getting up.
he drove you home in silence, insisting he should drive since your hand’s hurt. you fought sleep the entire way back; it was already 2 a.m. and you were beyond exhausted.
“hey, we’re here.” you heard chan say as he shook your arm. you shot up out of your sleepiness, heading towards your home with chan following.
“I’m gonna help you change the bandages and then leave, okay?” he told you as you unlocked your apartment door. you nodded, yawning. you felt a touch of disappointment as you walked in, seeing the still-shattered vase on the ground as well as a little, dried up pool of your blood, meaning lino really hadn’t come home.
chan didn’t let you think about it for too long though, as he cleaned and dressed your wound quickly before letting you off to wash up and go to sleep.
“I’m gonna clean up the rest of the vase and then head home. but call me if you need anything, y/n. I don’t sleep till late into the night and you only live 5 minutes away so don’t feel bad.” he reassured you. “now go to sleep, I’ll see you later.” he shooed you away. you didn’t fight him, too exhausted to say much more than a “thank you.”
♡♡♡
the next morning, you felt terrible; this time, not just emotionally, but physically as well. the numbing cream from the stitches had worn off entirely, making your entire hand pulse in pain. you rummaged through your medicine cabinet looking for ibuprofen. you groaned in frustration trying to open the little twist cap of the bottle with your one hand with no success. you gave up after a few tries, sitting down on your kitchen floor and letting out a small scream you’d held in for too long. you were hurting on so many different levels and you began to truly feel like you were just a needy, clingy child. you couldn’t even open a fucking pill bottle or change your own bandages by yourself, so what the hell does that make you other than pathetic?
you started crying. what else could you do? you felt so incapable of even the most basic tasks and despite chan’s kind offer to help you being there, you felt too awful to ask him for more help. so you would just have to endure your pain. you stayed like that for another half an hour, taking deep breaths to distract yourself from it.
“y/n? where are you? baby?” you heard lino calling for you as he quickly searched your small apartment.
you wiped your tears quickly, scrambling up and hiding your hand behind your back. you heard his steps growing closer and in no time, he was standing in front of you. you kept your gaze down, still upset and embarrassed.
“good morning, he said, wrapping his arms around you before you got a chance to protest. his arm put pressure on your wound, making you hiss in pain loudly. you pushed him off, tears glazing your eyes as a reflex.
“what--what’s the matter? is this about last night? I know we still have to talk about it but I just missed---” his words trailed off as he finally noticed you holding your hand behind you. “y/n, what’s wrong? did something happen to your hand?” he asked, his voice dripping with concern. he walked closer to you, making you immediately stumble backwards, trying to get away from his touch. the hurt in his eyes was palpable, making your heart hurt too.
“I’m okay.” you mumbled quietly, still not looking up to meet his eyes.
“I don’t believe you,” he said back. “at least look at me, baby, hm?” he gently coaxed you.
you took a deep breath, before looking into his eyes. he looked exhausted, obvious pain relief patches on the back of his neck and peeking out from under his shirt and dark circles around his eyes. and the way he frowned when you made eye contact told you you didn’t look much better. you relaxed inadvertently under his soft gaze; but you relaxed a little too much, revealing part of your bandaged hand to him.
"show me your hand?” he asked. he was well-aware of the atmosphere he’d created last night and so he didn’t push like he normally would’ve. the last thing he wanted to do was add insult to injury now.
“I’m really fine. could you just open the pain meds for me?” you asked, wincing in pain every time your hand moved. he did as you asked without hesitation, pouring you a cup of water and opening the bottle of pills. you took the meds wordlessly, finally thanking him before walking out of the kitchen. he followed you out like a lost puppy, finally catching a glimpse of your entire hand.
“you have to change the bandages, don’t you? let me do it.” he quickly said when he noticed you unwrapping the ones from last night. you wanted to protest, but you knew it would be less painless if someone else did it for you. you let him do it without putting up a fight.
“this will sting, squeeze my arm if it’s too much,” he said, kneeling on the ground as you sat on the couch. he wiped the wound effectively and as quickly as possible, wincing when you whimpered as if he was the one in pain. “good, you did good, baby.” he smiled gently. he put on some ointment and wrapped your hand up in new bandages.
“now let’s talk. what happened?” he questioned.
“I think we need to talk about what happened before first,” you muttered. “you really hurt me, you know?” your voice wavered as you held back tears. despite everything that’s happened in the short time, the wounds on your heart were still fresh, just as fresh as the one in your palm.
“I was just so tired and the guys kept messing up and they weren’t taking practice seriously,” he sighed. “ but I know it’s no excuse. I shouldn’t have taken it out on you, I’m sorry.” he played with his fingers, keeping his head down and not looking at you.
“I know you are, but,” you gulped. “I can’t help but feel like you meant it all. am I really too clingy? do I act desperate for your attention? do you take care of me because you want to or because you feel like you have to?” you looked away, not wanting to show lino there were tears spilling down your face. neither one of you said anything for a few minutes. the silence started chipping away at your heart, confirming your concerns. 
that was until you heard sniffles coming from next to you. you turned to look at him and sure enough, he was looking down with little tear drop marks littering the fabric of his pants. “I can’t believe I made you feel like that,” his voice cracked. “I’m so sorry, baby. I don’t deserve you at all.” he choked back a sob, now turning his face the other way so you couldn’t see him cry.
“don’t say that,” you cried. “you hurt me, that doesn’t change the fact that I love you.” 
“I love you, too.” he sniffled, closing the space between you and kissing you messily. you both giggled into the kiss, laughing at the absurdity of it all. you pulled away after a while but stayed stuck to each other’s sides, him carefully adjusting so you could put your hand down on his leg comfortably. after a moment, you spoke.
“did chan send you?” you mumbled against his chest.
“said I’d lose the love of my life if I don’t get my shit together,” he chuckled. “he has such a way with words.” you both laughed, snuggling closer.
changbin
you were freezing as you walked into your apartment. it hadn’t been this quiet in years; without changbin’s naturally loud voice ringing throughout your home, it was almost uncomfortably silent. you stripped out of your soaking wet clothes right there in your living room, not wanting to trail water around. you were exhausted suddenly, the emotional exhaustion had quickly manifested into physical exhaustion and you sighed deeply. you didn’t even bother to shower, just wiping yourself down and drying your hair before falling into your bed. despite being under the duvet, you shivered the entire night. you chalked it up to not being used to sleeping without changbin next to you.
something you’d have to get used to now that he didn’t want you anymore. 
you couldn’t even bring yourself to cry; you’d spent the entire walk back home sobbing your heart out and now you had no more tears in you. you just sighed, tossing and turning before sleep finally overtook you.
you woke up the next morning still shivering. you had taken the day off because you thought your date with changbin would run really late but here you were, spending a day off mourning your relationship. you felt terrible, your head pounding and your throat hoarse. you knew you should probably check your temperature, but since you were always the one getting sick, only changbin really knew where it was because he would constantly misplace it.
you ignored how sick you felt and got to work. the quicker you got rid of changbin’s things, the less time you’d have to spend lingering in the hurt. and so you packed up years of what you thought would be a forever relationship into a bin and a suitcase. your apartment felt hollow now, like it was missing changbin just as much as you were. no more healthy meals prepackaged in the fridge, no more cute sticky notes filled with “I loves yous” stuck on the fridge, no more anniversary polaroids or vulnerable letters or musky cologne on black t-shirts or souvenirs from different tour stops; you packed them all up and put them into your trunk with a handwritten note tucked into the lid.
you’d be lying if you said you didn’t cry a little bit; just when you thought you had cried it all out, another set of fresh tears arose. a part of you wished he’d called and apologized right after, told you it was a misunderstanding and that he didn’t mean any of it. but it had been an entire night and morning with no call or text; you had no choice but to accept that the love of your life simply couldn’t handle you anymore.
you coughed violently as you felt a cold shiver run through your body. you didn’t have time to be sick right now; wasn’t it enough that you were an emotional wreck? you ignored it once more before driving off to the dorms. you arrived quickly and knocked on the door, praying you wouldn’t have to face changbin in your condition.
“y/n! it’s good to see you after so long, we’ve missed you,” you were greeted warmly by hyunjin. “are you coming in? changbin hyung’s not home but he should be home pretty soon.” he smiled.
you took a deep breath and mustered up a smile. “I’ve missed you guys, too” you sniffled and coughed a little. “but I’m not feeling too great right now. I’m just dropping off changbin’s stuff for him.”
hyunjin looked at you with concerned eyes. “why are you dropping off all of his things, y/n? did something happen between you two?”
“you should hear it from him. I’ll see you around, hyunjin.” you smiled at him again, turning around and leaving before he got a chance to protest. 
♡♡♡
when changbin got back to the dorms, he was first met with a very snarky hyunjin. and then he was met with boxes and a suitcase on the living room floor.
“going somewhere?” he asked hyunjin with genuine interest. 
hyunjin rolled his eyes as soon as he asked. “y/n came over.”
“did she pester you? she’s been needing a lot of attention lately, it’s getting to be a lot.” he sighed.
“hyung, I don’t know what you told y/n but she came over sick as hell and said she was dropping off your stuff.” 
“w-what?”
hyunjin just shrugged. “I’ll give you some privacy, you should probably look through the stuff, see what’s up.”
changbin carried the boxes into his room, wasting no time to go through them. it didn’t take long for him to realize it was virtually every shred of your relationship stuffed together. when he said everything he said, it was purely out of frustration; he knew he was being selfish by prioritizing his time with the boys over spending time with you. he felt his heart break at you taking his words of annoyance at face value and it just about completely shattered once he found your note.
to my love,
even if this is how it really ends, I’m grateful for what we had. even if I had known that it would end like this, I would do it all over again with you in a heartbeat. I’m sorry for all of my shortcomings getting in the way. I hope you find love and happiness with someone who loves you the way you want them to. 
yours always,
y/n
it was a short note, but it hurt changbin like someone had started taking blind punches to his heart. he sat in front of the boxes, stunned. he wiped his face, suddenly becoming aware of the tears covering his cheeks. after spending another while like that taking in the reality of it all, he scurried up from his seat on the ground, looking frantically for his phone to call you. every single one of his calls went straight to voicemail, his texts left on delivered like he’d done to you just the night prior. he’s reminded of hyunjin’s mention that you were sick, which only made him feel worse. he got up and ran out of the door, not even bothering to throw on a jacket or let hyunjin know he was headed out. he had to apologize to you before it was too late.
♡♡♡
the shivering had only gotten worse since you’d gotten home. your temperature had risen significantly and you couldn’t even muster up the energy to get up and make something to eat, not that you had much of an appetite, anyway. being soaked to the bone the night before had really done a number on you and being this sick only made you miss changbin more. he was always so good about taking care of you when you weren’t feeling well, constantly checking your temperature and wiping your forehead with a damp towel to lower it. he was always diligent about making sure you ate properly and took your medicine on time so your body could recover faster, too. and he knew you loved being held when you were under the weather so he would cuddle you despite your protests and the risk of him getting sick himself. your heart ached as you thought of how the affection from him you cherished so much was the very reason he broke up with you, making you tear up yet again. you were so weak that you fell asleep just like that, exhausted and heartbroken.
you woke up when you heard the sound of the front door slam shut. you shot up out of bed, making you grow dizzy immediately. you shook your head to rid yourself of the dizziness before forcing yourself out of bed. you took a deep breath before mustering up the strength to walk out to where the noise had come from. you steadied yourself by trailing your hand against the wall as you walked to the living room, growing more and more woozy as you kept going.
“y/n,” changbin said as he saw you turn the corner. “hey, come on, sit here.” he said, noticing your lack of balance and guiding you to the sofa.
“did I forget to pack something?” you asked weakly, leaning your head back as another shiver overtook you.
“no, no. y/n, I didn’t mean any of that last night. it’s stupid but I just wanted to spend time with the boys. I never meant to hurt you,” he gulped. “or break up with you. I’m so sorry, my love,” he said, running a hand against your cheek. “oh my god, baby, you’re burning up.” he said, shocked. he disappeared into the kitchen before rushing back to you.
“hyunjin told me you looked sick when you came by so I brought some hot pear tea and porridge. eat and then take this,” he handed over some cold syrup already measured out for you. “we’ll talk afterwards, okay?” you only hummed in response, making him frown. he could tell you had waited too long to take care of yourself, which meant you didn’t have the energy to do much of anything. he sat down next to you, grabbing the porridge and gathering a spoon of it. “open your mouth, baby. you have to eat if you want to feel better.” you didn’t have it in you to protest, simply doing as he said and letting him feed you. you ate and took your medicine in silence before falling back asleep.
♡♡♡
you woke up hours later in complete darkness and on your bed. you shuffled a little in an attempt to get up, but you soon realized you were weighed down by a familiar arm spread across you and cradling your head against their chest. you gulped, debating whether or not to confront changbin right now or to just indulge in the feeling of comfort he gives you. but the voice that came alive next to you forced you to choose the latter,
“you awake, baby?” he mumbled before resting the back of his hand on your forehead. “your fever broke, thank god.” he sighed a breath of relief, before stretching over to turn the bedside table lamp on. 
“thank you for taking care of me,” you said softly, “but I think you should go.” you looked away as you said the words.
“y/n, look at me,” he gently pulled your chin so you could be facing him, “do you really want me to go?” he whispered, vulnerability pouring out with each word.
you stayed silent for a long moment before finally reciprocating his vulnerability. “you broke up with me out of nowhere,” you sighed shakily, looking away from him again so he wouldn’t see your eyes filling with tears, “and then left me to feel heartbroken and alone all of last night and this morning. even if I wanted you to stay, I owe it to myself to ask you to leave, at least.” you said, trying to sound firm in your decision.
changbin stirred out of bed immediately, making a panic spread through you. was he really going to give up on you so easily? you knew he wasn’t the type to simply let go of something (or someone) simply because he was asked to. you were relieved though, when he reached for your hand and lead you to the edge of your bed, making you sit up. he kneeled in front of you, hugging your legs and holding your hand tightly.
“I’m so sorry. I’m sorry for hurting you and for leaving you hanging and for not showing up to our first date in a long time for such a stupid reason. but y/n, I love you. so much. even when I say stupid things and make bad decisions and accidentally hurt you, I love you. and I don’t want to live my life with anyone else but you by my side.” he said with full sincerity, squeezing your hand as his eyes glazed over.
your eyes mirrored his, and you could feel your resolve completely shatter as you looked down at him. “god, you’re the worst,” you chuckled incredulously as your eyes glazed over, “but I love you, too. too much for my own good.” you sighed, looking up and smiling a little.
“let me make it up to you?” he asked you sweetly, standing up with his hand still holding yours. you stood up with him, intrigued, “no, baby, you sit down and close your eyes, okay?”
you nodded, shutting your eyes tightly as soon as he asked you to. you heard some shuffling before you felt changbin’s presence in front of you again.
“okay, open your eyes.” he said softly. you’re met with changbin kneeling in front of you once again, this time on one knee and with a ring box in his hand. he opened it and asked the question.
“I was going to wait to do this. I wanted to plan something big and extravagant and make it a whole thing, but now feels so right. because I don’t ever want you to doubt my intentions with you, with this relationship. I want you, for the rest of our lives, y/n. will you marry me?” he asked sheepishly.
you answered yes so quickly you surprised yourself a little, wrapping your arms around changbin with tears, this time, happy ones, pooling in both of your eyes.
“oh, one more thing,” he said, rushing out of the room and coming back with a very obviously homemade cake. it read “sorry...also marry me?” on the top in pink frosting, making you snort in laughter.
“that would’ve been really awkward if I didn’t forgive you for last night, huh?” you chuckled, making changbin nudge you before he joined you in laughter.
hyunjin
after reassuring felix a million times that you were fine, you finally started walking home. you decided to take the long way, wanting to empty your thoughts and enjoy the crisp winter air surrounding you. 
your cheeks were still hot from the humiliation you’d faced just a few moments ago and you couldn’t help but replay the moment again and again. how could hyunjin say those things to you? when you regularly adjusted your own schedule to spend quality time with him and his best friends? the more you thought about it, the more it pissed you off.
you scoffed a little to yourself, quietly cursing at hyunjin in your mind when you notice you’re just short of a block away from one of your favorite cafes. it was one you went to a lot to study at before you moved away and closer to the heart of the city. you walked in, silently hoping your old friends that used to work there still do.
“y/n! oh my god, how long has it been? lia, y/n’s here!” your old friend, yeji, yelled across the cafe. in just a few moments, the store was adorned with a closed sign as your friends sat around you with fresh hot chocolates.
“won’t you guys lose business if you close up so early? won’t your boss be mad?” you asked them, sipping the drink in front of you.
“it’s winter break and all the college kids went home, we have no business!” yuna chuckled. “as for the boss, well...”
“you’re looking at her!” yeji announced cheerily. “we have a lot to catch up on, dude.” she giggled.
♡♡♡
you and the girls spent hours chatting, catching each other up on your lives and all the things you’d all been doing. you had completely forgotten about your earlier clash with hyunjin, letting yourself enjoy the company of your friends after so long. you absentmindedly flip your phone over to check the screen, only then noticing the numerous phone calls and texts you’d gotten from hyunjin as well as the others. you excuse yourself, walking away to call felix back first, not wanting to deal with confronting hyunjin right now.
“y/n! are you okay? you never let anyone know whether you’d gotten home safely and hyunjin said you weren’t home when he went to your place. where are you? we were about to call the police! dear god...” he rambled in a panic.
“ah, I’m so sorry lix---I wanted to get some air so I took the long way home and ended up at the cafe across from my old college. all the girls just happened to work tonight so we were catching up.” you explained, apologizing profusely.
“thank god, I’m just glad you’re okay. I’m sure hyunjin’s relieved, it looked like there were two rivers pouring out of his eyes earlier.” he laughed, sighing a breath of relief.
“I...haven’t called him yet.” you said hesitantly.
“y/n! call him now!” he scolded loudly, making you flinch.
“okay, okay! bye.” you grumbled, hanging up promptly. you called hyunjin right after, figuring you should just tell him you were on your way home to talk so he’d stop worrying. he picked up right away.
“are you okay? where are you? I’m so sorry, baby, please tell me you’re not hurt.” hyunjin cried into the phone, making your heart ache a little.
“I’m fine. I’ll be home soon.” you mumbled softly.
“where are you? it’s late, I’ll come to you.” you heard him shuffling.
“it’s okay---”
“y/n, I’m coming. where are you, love?” he said gently, sniffling a little.
“at the cafe across from my old college.” you said meekly.
“the one we had our first date at?” you could hear the fond smile spreading across his face at the memory.
“yeah. see you then.” you said quickly, hanging up abruptly. as much as you wanted to take the walk down memory lane with him, you were still hurt by the way he’d treated you earlier that night, and that hurt wasn’t going to be mended by a simple memory.
“everything alright?” ryujin came over, putting a hand on your shoulder.
“yeah, it was hyunjin,” she looked at you expectantly, knowing there was something more there, “we had a fight. it was one-sided though, all him,” you sighed. “he’s coming to pick me up, though.”
“you live like a 20 minute walk away, right? sit down and spill.” she dragged you back to your seat, quickly letting the others know what was up while you waited.
♡♡♡
“oh my god, I’m gonna kill him!” chaeryeong yelled, getting up from her seat and stomping.
“relax, chaer! they spent the whole evening here without telling him where they were so I’m sure hyunjin got a taste of his own medicine.” yuna chuckled.
“stop,” you whined, “I already feel bad enough.” you pouted at her.
she rolled her eyes before abruptly tapping your shoulder. “your boyfriend’s here.”
you saw him wave through the glass awkwardly. you got up and were immediately engulfed in a hug by all the girls.
“we’re always here for you, y/n. don’t forget to come visit sometimes.” yeji said into the hug, earning a nod from you.
“and I’ll actually kill him if he hurts your feelings again.” chaeryeong mumbled.
you just chuckled, letting them go and waving goodbye before heading out to go home with hyunjin.
“hey.” he said awkwardly. you said nothing, immediately walking in the direction of your home and catching hyunjin off guard. he caught up quickly though (curse his long ass legs) and followed next to you.
“baby, we need to talk.” he sighed.
“I have nothing to say.” you said coldly, still looking straight ahead.
“y/n, I was so worried!” he yelled, exasperated. you both stopped walking, realizing this was going to happen now or never.
“it’s one thing that you hate having me around your friends but what, now I can’t even hang out with my friends, hyunjin? fuck off!” you yelled back. even though you knew you were in the wrong for not letting him know you got home safely, it wasn’t fair, the whole situation wasn’t fair.
“you know that’s not fair y/n!” he said, as if he could read your mind.
“you know what isn’t fair, hyunjin? the fact that I put so much effort into spending this one night out of the month with you and your friends to show you I care about the things and people you love only to have you throw it back in my face and treat me like utter shit in front of them!”  your voice broke, making you immediately turn your head so hyunjin wouldn’t see you getting emotional.
he didn’t hesitate at all, immediately wrapping his arms around you and pulling you into a tight embrace. you didn’t attempt to pull away; you needed the comfort and hyunjin knew what you needed even better than you did.
“I’m so sorry, baby,” he sighed, burying his face into the crook of your neck, “would you believe me if I said I was jealous?” he admitted, hiding even further into your neck.
“of what?” you questioned. there was a short pause before you answered for him, “of felix?” 
“mhmm” he hummed. he pulled himself off of you and looked at anywhere but you, “I don’t know...I guess I didn’t like that you were telling him everything that was going on in your life before you even told me, you know? I want to be the first person you want to talk to about everything.” he said sheepishly, clearly embarrassed to be saying something so vulnerable.
“hyune, you could’ve just told me that instead of humiliating me in front of your friends.” you said gently, not wanting to make him feel judged.
“I know. and I really am sorry baby, I shouldn’t have taken out my frustration on you.” he sighed, looking down and fidgeting with his fingers.
“I forgive you. but you do it one more time and we’re over, got it?” you said firmly, making sure he knew you were serious.
“it won’t happen ever again, I swear on my life.” he finally met your eyes to show you his sincerity.
you smiled, reaching your hand out for his. you held each other’s hands and he tucked your intertwined hands in his coat pocket as you continued your walk home, “now you wanna hear what the girls are up to?”
“you know I do.” he grinned.
“well for starters, you’re definitely on chaer’s hit list.”
“w-what?”
5K notes · View notes
eiightysixbaby · 9 months
Text
…and a happy new year
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word count: 5.5k
pairing: eddie munson x fem!reader
summary: your first week with eddie since his return to hawkins is pure bliss. you both decide you need to ring in the new year the right way. or, you and eddie can't keep your hands off of each other at nancy's new year's party.
author's note: this is an extra oneshot taking place right after my fic i'll be home for christmas. you don't have to read that fic to understand this, but i'd be extremely grateful if you gave it a chance.
cw: 18+ ONLY — SMUT. established relationship, lots of petname usage, alcohol consumption, eye-fucking basically lol, unprotected piv (he pulls out tho), oral (f receiving), reader's nickname is 'sunny'
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December 31st, 1989.
One week. Seven days. Ten thousand and eighty minutes. Six-hundred-and-four-thousand, eight hundred seconds. That’s how long it had been since you found out Eddie was home, give or take. Six of those days were spent with him as yours, finally all yours after such a long and grueling wait.
It’s New Year’s Eve, now, Christmas having passed quickly. You and Eddie had spent the time between holidays in a cozy, warm haze together. It was surreal when you woke the day after Christmas with him in your bed beside you. It was a week full of sleepovers, reacquainting yourself with the man you’d missed so much, rediscovering your most favorite parts about him. It was him stealing kisses from you basically every single chance he got, getting up in your personal space to press sloppy kisses to your cheek, or lingering pecks to your lips.
Kissing is as far as it had gone, for the meantime. That was fine, you didn’t need or expect anything more just yet, and neither did Eddie. The last thing he wanted to do was get his girl, and then fuck up by rushing things.
At least, it was fine, until right now. Until you decided to wear that outfit to Nancy’s New Year’s party. He was watching you from across the Wheeler’s basement, where you stood with Robin and Max laughing about something. A champagne flute was placed delicately between your fingers, your body relaxed. Your plaid skirt hugged your hips just right before fanning out around your thighs, the neckline of your sweater dipping just low enough to make him fantasize about what lies beneath.
He feels a little bit sick, ogling you like this. You’re so sweet, so soft, and he’s basically panting like a dog where he stands beside Steve.
What he doesn’t know, is that you’ve been eyeing him up, too — albeit more subtly. He just looks so good tonight, in his blue jeans (a rarity for him) and his sweater and that black leather jacket. The jeans might be a little too snug, hugging him perfectly in all of the right places, and you’d be a liar if you said you weren’t staring at his ass each time you could catch a glimpse.
At one point, you finally catch each other trying to gawk. You giggle around your mouthful of sparkling wine, giving him a shy little wave from across the room. His smile is immediate, eyes brightening as if he hadn’t seen you in ages. He’d spent every possible second with you since Christmas. It makes your heart skip a beat, the alcohol no longer the only thing making your face feel warm.
“You guys are disgusting,” Robin teases, her arm automatically slinking around Nancy when the smaller girl comes to stand beside her. Nancy perches on her toes, kissing Robin’s cheek.
“And we aren’t disgusting?” she asks, face scrunching up adorably when Robin laughs.
“Fair enough.”
“We won’t be offended if you abandon us to go canoodle him,” Max smirks, breaking into a laugh when you roll your eyes.
“There will be no canoodling,” you say, but it’s clear none of them believe you. Not like it matters, anyways. They’re just happy for you.
Eddie beats you to it, walking over to you before you can go to him. The television plays in the corner, the news broadcast of the big ball-drop event in New York crackling through the screen. He snakes his arm around you, pulling you into his side. His warmth immediately blankets you, and you look up at him with bright eyes.
“Hi handsome,” you say.
“Hey, sugar. Come here often?” he asks, giving you a sweet-dimpled smile before he leans down to press a kiss to your lips.
It’s still a little surreal, that he’s yours now. That he’s home. That you can kiss him whenever you want; that he does kiss you whenever he wants. You look over Eddie’s shoulder, watching the way Jonathan and Steve pretend to gag from their spots on the worn-out old sofa.
“Hey! I saw that!” you shout at them, giving them a playful middle finger as Eddie leans down again to kiss your head.
His grip on your waist tightens, and it makes you press your thighs together, suddenly antsy. His hand seems to sear an imprint into your skin, permanently a part of you. Your body is hot, growing more eager to have him in ways you haven’t before.
“You look like you need a refill on your drink, sweetheart,” Eddie says, his face tilted downwards at you, tipping his own glass towards yours. “Let’s go get you some more?” he nods in the direction of the staircase, grabbing your hand when you agree.
He leads you up the rickety wooden steps, into the warmth of the kitchen. There’s a large spread of food laid out on the counter, and more alcohol than your group really needs considering there’s only six of you who are of drinking age. The second you’re upstairs, and positive there’s no one else lingering nearby, Eddie has your back pressed against the countertop. His lips capture yours in a passionate kiss, and you can feel the way he smiles into it when you pull him closer.
“You look so gorgeous tonight, you know that?” he murmurs against your ear, nose brushing into your hair. “I mean, you always do, but this outfit…” he drawls. “Baby.”
His hands wander, but don’t push. His words have an edge of scandal, but yet he speaks them so sweetly. It’s a good thing Nancy’s parents and her little sister Holly are out of town, otherwise you’d be playing an extremely dangerous game right now.
Your fingers trail up Eddie’s chest, walking up up up until they reach the neckline of his sweater. You tug on it, bringing his lips to yours and making him groan.
“You’re killing me, sweets,” he says, eyes boggling like a cartoon.
The glass of liquid courage you’d consumed has you feeling bold as you bat your lashes up at him. “I want you so bad…” you hum, placing a kiss to his jawline before slipping out of his grasp and refilling your glass of wine.
He barely lets you get away, hot on your trail with his front pressed to your back as you try not to spill the whole bottle in your hand.
“Baby. I know you’re not gonna say that and then walk away from me,” Eddie says, pitiful as you slip out of his reach once more.
“It’s less than an hour til midnight, Ed. We can’t miss the ball drop,” you reply simply, a wicked smirk on your face that tells him you know exactly what you’re doing. It feels like a little game, drawing out the anticipation longer, and it drives him crazy.
Maybe the alcohol was getting to you, or maybe he really was just ethereal tonight, because your hard-to-get demeanor was almost impossible to uphold. Especially with the way he was about ready to drop to his knees and beg for you.
“Sunny, you’re gonna be the death of me,” he says, grabbing you from behind before you can get away, pulling you against his chest just to press a kiss to your cheek.
“Always so dramatic, Munson,” you giggle, taking a sip of your freshly-poured drink before leading him back down to the basement.
Mike, Lucas, and Dustin are in the middle of a riveting game of Twister, Will calling out the moves each of them will have to make. El and Max have resorted to sitting on the floor by the TV, watching the live broadcast beneath a blanket. You and Eddie join Robin, Nance, Jonathan, and Steve where they all sit on the furniture, Eddie letting you take a seat on his lap.
“I can’t believe it’s about to be 1990,” Robin scoffs, far too upset about the matter. “I just like the 80s. Something about the 90s rubs me the wrong way.”
“Well, get used to it Rob, cause it’s about to be the 90s for the next ten years of your life,” Eddie says, shaking his head when she lets out a loud groan.
You try to focus on the conversation that ensues after that, you really do, but you swear you can feel something pressing into your ass. You wiggle a little on Eddie’s lap, testing it, and then you’re sure you feel it. He’s definitely hard right now, and you’re definitely making it worse for him.
You chew at your lip, squishing your legs together as you squirm on top of him. He notices your restlessness, and he knows exactly why you can’t stay still.
“What’s the matter, sweetheart?” he whispers into your ear, as quiet as possible as everyone else talks around you.
You don’t answer, knowing he’s just setting you up, and you almost yelp when he squeezes your hip with one hand.
“Just gotta wait till after the ball drops, baby,” he purrs, using your words from before against you. “Then we can ring in the new year the right way.”
You end up getting off of Eddie’s lap, because it’s the only way you can even attempt to focus on something that isn’t him. Jonathan had gone to join in on the game of Twister after Mike decided he’d had enough, so you distract yourself by going to watch.
He’s currently got both hands placed on near-opposite sides of the mat, pressing into the different colored circles. His feet are criss-crossed behind him, making him look a bit like a pretzel.
“I’ve had too much to drink,” he giggles when he sees you approach. “This might end badly.” His body wobbles a little as if on cue, but he straightens himself before a collapse.
“Don’t be a quitter,” you laugh. “You need to win this round, Jon! I’ve put all my money on this!” you tease, making him laugh more.
You try to keep your focus on the antics unfolding in front of you, but you can feel Eddie’s eyes on you. Drinking you in, searing two holes through the back of your skull. A shiver runs down your spine at the thought of finally having him, going further than you ever have. You check the clock, noticing it’s only ten minutes away from midnight.
Just ten minutes. You can survive another ten minutes.
At least, you’re convinced you can until a pair of strong arms wrap around your middle and Eddie’s lips press a soft kiss to your neck. You asked for it, you suppose, teasing him in the kitchen. And he’s gonna make sure you’re very worked up, now. He sways your body back and forth, holding you tight. Your head tilts back, resting against his shoulder as you look up at him.
“Hi, pretty girl,” he says, winking down at you.
“If you guys don’t get off of each other, I’m literally going to throw up,” Dustin says, peeking out from behind Lucas where they’re tangled up on the Twister mat.
“Shut it, Henderson, or I’ll knock you over right now,” Eddie threatens, slowly reaching out a hand towards the teen.
“No! NO!” Dustin screeches, making Jonathan laugh so hard he finally topples.
“Okay, I give up,” he resigns. “Shit, it’s almost midnight. I need another drink,” he says, running up the stairs to quickly refill.
Everyone shuffles closer to the television, standing close together as the hands of the clock reach twelve.
“You ready? For our first whole year together?” Eddie says softly, still standing behind you.
“More than ready,” you reply, your whole body filled with an unexplainable amount of affection. You need him.
Before you know it, there’s a countdown on the TV screen from sixty seconds, and everyone watches as the number dwindles. The group counts in unison once it gets down to twenty seconds.
Ten seconds…
Eddie’s grip tightens around your middle. You’re both smiling wide as you count backwards.
Five seconds…
Four…
Three…
Two…
One…
A loud and joyful “Happy New Year!” resounds from the chests of everyone in the room, Steve letting out a loud whistle. Eddie spins you around, planting a kiss on your lips. Your glass in one hand, you wrap the other arm around Eddie’s neck, letting the kiss linger for as long as it can. Your skin is set ablaze where he holds your lower back, and when he finally pulls away his eyes are big and wide.
“I love you, Sunny,” he says, taking you by surprise.
It was the first time he’d said it, in the romantic context at least. And while the love had been felt all week, you’d been waiting to hear it, straight from his mouth.
“I love you, Eddie,” you smile wide, clinking your glass with his before you both take a sip of the alcohol.
You cheers with the rest of the group, everyone happy — even Robin, despite the 80s officially being over.
Eddie lets you slip away to the girls, helping Steve clean up some of the confetti that had been thrown around the room.
“Why are you so happy, sunshine?” Robin asks, noticing the smile that won’t leave your face.
“He just told me he loves me,” you say, looking down at your feet as her and Nancy both squeal.
“Finally!” Nancy squeezes your arm, her big blue eyes squinted in delight.
You feel warm, bubbly, content. This week had felt like a dream, but the best part is that it’s all been real.
Not long after midnight, the teens set up their sleeping bags on the basement floor for their sleepover. Robin and Nancy head up to the latter’s room for the night, Steve and Jonathan opt to sleep in the living room, and you and Eddie get the guest bedroom.
He’s hot on your trail as you ascend the carpeted stairs, letting yourselves into the usually empty room and shutting the door behind you. He presses you, soft against the door before his lips meet yours. He’s gentle, despite how eager he is, his mouth slowly moving against yours. Your lips part, tongue poking out just slightly to meet his. His hands keep a firm hold on your waist, thumbs smoothing over the soft fabric of your skirt, slipping beneath the hem of your sweater and sending goosebumps across your skin.
“I love you so much. God, I love you so much,” he says, mouth against your cheek.
Your nose brushes his face, lips pressing a quick kiss to the corner of his mouth. “I love you,” you reply, and you can’t help but smile.
“What’re you smiling for?” he cocks a brow, lips barely able to stop kissing your face to ask the question.
“I’ve just wanted to hear you say that for so long,” you say, and he pauses. Deep brown eyes search yours, all the love in the world held in his gaze.
“Well I’ll tell you as many times as you’ll hear it, babe,” he grins, his perfectly straight teeth on display, his dimples coming out. “I love you,” a kiss is pressed to your mouth. “I love you,” another on your jawline. “I love you.”
“I need you, Eddie,” you sigh as his mouth makes its way to your neck, sucking oh so softly on the delicate skin. “I’ve needed you all night,” you say, your voice leaning into a bit of a whine.
He chuckles, pressing his front against yours. You can feel his cock pressing against your thigh.
“In case you haven’t noticed, sweetheart, same,” he says, letting his hands fully slip beneath your sweater before taking a pause. “Are you sure you want to do this? It’s not too soon?”
“I promise I want to. I’ve thought about it all week,” you admit, looking down at the floor in slight embarrassment. He’s having none of that, tilting your chin back up to look at him instantly.
“You just tell me if you want to stop, at any point, ‘kay?” he asks, holding your shoulders.
“I will, Eddie.”
With that, he’s picking you up, placing you down onto the perfectly made bed. You lay back, head sinking into the pillow as he hovers above you, leaning down to kiss you like his life depends on it. Your hands hold his face, not wanting him to go away for even a second. He laughs into the kiss, pulling ever so slightly away.
“I can’t do much of anything if you don’t let me move, sweetness.”
You huff, giving him a dramatic pout as you let him go.
“Can I take this sweater off?” he asks you, smiling when you nod.
Slowly, the material is worked over your head, your arms lifting to allow him to pull it off. His eyes go wide at the sight of your pretty lace bra, holding your tits perfectly. You’re even more stunning than he ever could’ve imagined, and he hasn’t even seen all of you yet. His perfect girl.
His head immediately dips down, kissing your neck, down to your collarbone, his teeth stopping to toy with the pendant on your necklace. He kisses the dip between your breasts, his hands slowly creeping up to slip under the cups of your bra. Fingers squeeze your nipples gently, making a breathy moan leave your mouth.
“Eddie…” you arch your back, and he takes the hint, reaching around to unclasp the garment. He tosses it to the floor, worshiping your tits with his hands and his mouth.
He sucks on one nipple, then the other, tongue laving over the sensitive buds. Your hand finds its way to his hair, embedding your fingers into his soft curls and tugging. He groans when you do, a reaction you weren’t expecting, but it encourages you to continue. Eventually, when he’s decided he’s focused enough on your breasts for now, his mouth continues its descent.
Kisses are trailed down your stomach, below your bellybutton, right to the waistband of your skirt. Your breath hitches when he reaches that spot, your brows furrowing as you look down at him.
“Please keep going,” you whine, and he smirks at the hint of desperation in your voice.
“So eager, huh sweet girl?” he teases gently, fingers already hooking beneath your skirt to pull it down. He discards it just as he had your bra, leaving you in nothing but a pair of panties to match the top piece.
You feel your cheeks get hot. You hadn’t intentionally worn a matching set; you didn’t go into the night expecting anything. But you fear it looks that way now.
Lucky for you, Eddie doesn’t notice; or if he does he doesn’t care. He’s looking at you like he’s never seen anything more precious, more beautiful.
“Baby, holy shit…” he breathes, sinking down to press kisses to your thighs.
You couldn’t count the number of kisses you’ve received tonight if you tried. He’s sure to hit every inch of your skin. His nose brushes against your clit, his hot breath fanning against your core. You know you’re soaking the lace that keeps you covered, and you can feel yourself throb for him. His mouth kisses atop your panties before he presses his tongue flat against them, so close to where you need him most. Separated only by thin fabric.
It’s cruel, the way he teases, his lips kissing over your clit before moving to your inner thighs. His teeth nip at the skin there, making you shiver when he starts to suck.
“Ed, oh my god,” you pant, your legs threatening to close involuntarily, your body so sensitive. He grips your thighs, pushing them apart more forcefully than he’d done anything so far.
“Gotta keep your legs spread wide for me, sweetheart,” he purrs, big eyes glancing up at you.
You nod quickly, feeling your slick start to pool in your panties. “Need your mouth on me, please,” you cry, grateful when you feel him tug your underwear down.
“Such a sweet girl, being so polite,” he says, pulling the lace around your ankles and feet until you’re completely ridden of your last article of clothing.
Eddie tugs off his jacket, followed by his shirt before he leans back down between your legs. He pokes his tongue out tentatively, licking a stripe up your folds. You gasp, hips bucking before his strong grip brings them back down. He buries his face in your pussy, tongue prodding inside of you, lapping up the honey that drips from your center. His nose bumps against your clit, giving you much needed friction. It takes everything in you to not grind against his face, trying keep some composure.
You’d imagined scenarios like this plenty of times, always knew Eddie would be able to make you feel good. But he’s truly unreal, you’ve never felt pleasure like this in your life. It’s been worth the wait to have him, you can say that for certain, your brain fuzzy as he devours you.
You’d think this is his last meal, the way he licks and sucks and moans as he does it. He flicks the tip of his tongue rapidly over your clit, and you have to remind yourself of where you are before a loud whine can escape you. You bite down on your fist, something to muffle your noises, to keep your actions discreet.
Eddie’s relentless, barely coming up for air as his tongue unravels you. When he does pause, he gives you a devious little grin, his chin shiny with your arousal. The sight makes you feral, primal in the way you desire him. And as much as you love the way he eats your cunt, you need more from him.
“Eddie, baby, please—” you pant, tapping his shoulder to get his attention. Once you’ve got it, you feel nervous under his intense stare. “I want to have sex,” you say softly. “I need you inside of me. Like, right now.”
“My god, you’re something else,” he breathes, wiping his chin with the back of his hand.
He moves to hover over you, his bare chest on full display. You let your hands run down his pale skin, fingers tracing the outlines of his tattoos. He shivers at your touch, and you can see the tented fabric of his jeans; his cock straining to be near you. His lips are on yours, his tongue working your mouth open for him as you reach down to palm him through the denim. The taste of yourself on his mouth has you throbbing for him, aching. He whimpers when you squeeze the outline of his cock, a sound you weren’t anticipating.
“I think you should take these off,” you suggest, tugging at the waistband of his pants.
“Yeah,” he says, eyes blown out with lust. “Good idea.”
He shimmies out of his tight jeans, his boxers following suit. His cock springs free, and your eyes widen at the sight of it. He’s got the perfect girth, and he’s long. The head is pink and leaking for you already, and there’s a slight curve to his shaft. A vein protrudes from beneath the skin, practically throbbing.
“Oh my god…” you whisper, startling when you realize you said it out loud. He’s grinning like the devil, bending back down to kiss your cheek.
“Like what you see, huh, Sunny?” he asks, smug as ever.
You roll your eyes, playfully shoving him away. “Fuck off,” you giggle, your tone holding no malice.
He does the exact opposite of what you said, invading your space once more to kiss all over your face. You laugh, making him join in with you.
“I do like what I see, for the record,” you tell him honestly, his smile turning shy. “I can’t believe you’re mine. I’m so lucky that, after everything, this is where we are now,” you continue, seeing the way his face completely softens at your sweet words.
“I’m the lucky one, I promise you,” he says. “Do I need to say it again? I love you so fucking much.”
It feels so right hearing him say those words. It feels like you’ve been saying them your whole lives, rather than just starting tonight.
“I love you,” you sigh, his body pressing against yours.
The realization of the line you’re about to cross hits you, but it’s welcomed. You trust Eddie to take care of you more than you’d trust anyone, and your heart pounds in your chest as you think about how much you want him. Your adoration for him is unwavering, and you so badly crave him.
“You ready for me?” he asks, patient as he rubs his thumb along your cheek. “Shit — do you want me to get a condom?”
“Yeah. I’m ready,” you confirm. “Don’t want you to use a condom. Wanna feel every inch of you,” you plead, biting your lip as he curses under his breath.
“You’re gonna be the death of me, you know that?” he chuckles, shaking his head of dark brown curls.
“So you’ve said,” you reply, letting him kiss you sweetly before lining himself up properly. You inhale deeply when you feel his tip prod at your entrance.
He makes eye contact with you as he slips inside your wet walls, both of you moaning in unison at the feeling. For him, it’s the way you squeeze around his length, sucking him right in. For you, it’s the overwhelming stretch to accommodate him. It knocks the wind out of you, your eyes rolling back as he sinks in even deeper.
“Oh my god, baby,” Eddie groans, letting his forehead rest on your shoulder.
He doesn’t move once he gets fully sheathed inside, letting you adjust to his size. When you start to get squirmy, he knows you’re ready for more. He thrusts slowly, wanting to take his precious time with you. Wanting to be careful, to make love to you rather than fuck you like a one night stand. He wants to show you how much you mean to him.
The gentle rocking of his hips has your back arching, his cock reaching perfect depths inside of you. He hits the spot your fingers can’t, drawing breathy whines and moans of his name from your pretty lips.
“You have to be quiet, sweet girl,” he shushes, kissing the corner of your mouth. “Don’t want anyone to know what we’re up to.”
“You just feel… s-so good, Eddie. This is everything I wanted,” you whisper, your hands clutching his back tight as he moves just a little bit faster.
The slick glide of his cock in and out, in and out has you seeing stars beneath him. Every inch of him feels divine, and he steals your breath each time he pushes back in. Your nails dig at the skin of his shoulder blades, biting down hard on your lip to keep yourself quiet. His ragged breaths turn you on even more, as does the strained look on his face as he tries desperately not to cry out for you.
“Wanna ride me, baby?” he asks. “I’d love to see the way those pretty tits bounce with you on top,” he purrs, sugary sweetness dripping from his words. He wants to worship you, like the goddess you are.
You’re nodding eagerly, having already wanted to ask him if you could ride him. He pulls out, making you wince before he flips you over. With him sprawled out on the bed, now, you’re getting a full view of everything.
His cock is wet with your slick, nearly purple in color and clearly so needy. The dark patch of hair at the base is enticing, and you want to nuzzle your face into it. His balls hang heavy between his thighs, and you reach out instinctively to squeeze them.
“Fuck,” he hisses, making you smirk in satisfaction.
It could be a fun game, you think, learning how to touch him; discovering what makes him whine, what makes him twitch. You’re excited by the fact that you have all the time in the world to learn what gets him going. His body is yours to explore, to study and observe. It makes you hot for him all over again.
You straddle him, letting your wet folds glide along his length. Your palms are planted flat on his chest, wiggling your ass on top of him.
“Such a little tease,” he says, looking up at you in awe. “Look so pretty up there.”
You flush, gripping the base of his drooling cock before aligning it with your entrance. Sinking down onto him, a light and pretty whine escapes you. He watches, completely enamored as your expression changes with each inch of him that fills you. You’re the most gorgeous thing he’s ever seen, he’s certain of it.
This new angle allows him to go even deeper, and it feels incredible in a different way than the previous position had. Your hands grip onto his sides, his shoulders, anywhere you can reach to ground yourself as you start to rock your hips steadily.
“Eddie…” you moan, trying to keep your voice quiet. He looks blissed out where his head rests on the pillow, his lips parted as he takes shallow breaths.
He begins to do some of the work for you, his hips meeting yours as he starts to rut up into you. You gasp, his cock hitting that perfect spot once again. Your body feels tingly, electrified. Everywhere he touches you you can feel sparks, wishing his hand could be everywhere all at once. He sets a slightly faster pace than he had in missionary, bouncing you perfectly up and down. You lean down, your chest pressing to his as you hold his shoulders for stability. Burying your face into his neck, you start to kiss and suck on the skin there.
“Fuck, sweetheart, you feel so fucking good,” he grunts, the sound of his balls slapping against your skin filling the bedroom.
Desperate for more, you let your hand worm its way between your bodies, starting to rub your swollen clit. There’s barely enough room between the two of you for it to work, but you’ve got it. Eddie, of course can feel it though.
“Whatcha doin’ there, sweetness?” he asks. You don’t need to look at him to hear the grin in his voice.
Your fingers continue their ministrations, pressing into your clit in circles. “Nothin’” you mumble, shy into his shoulder.
“Ah-ah, none of that, shy girl. Look at me,” he commands gently, tilting your chin up with a finger beneath it. He smiles wide when your eyes meet his. “Does that feel good?”
“So good, Eddie,” you breathe, cheeks blazing hot under his taunting stare. He’s smug, of course he is, because he has you so worked up you’re touching yourself to get to your release faster.
“Good. Keep doing that for me, baby, okay?”
“Mhm,” you mumble, wobbly as he picks up the pace of his thrusts. Not too fast, but just enough to tip you over the edge.
The way his cock presses repeatedly into your sweet spot makes you see stars, your fingers moving as fast as they can go over your sensitive bud. Your mouth is agape, no sound coming out as he fucks into you.
“I love being inside of you, baby. Love everything about you,” he murmurs into your ear, kissing the side of your head.
The softness of his words juxtaposed with the absolute filthy way he’s fucking you makes you delirious, your body so desperate for release. You find it harder and harder to stay quiet, whimpers and squeaks leaving your mouth with each thrust he gives you. You’re so close, the tension in the pit of your stomach rising to a head.
“Is my pretty girl gonna cum for me? Gonna cum all over my cock?” Eddie encourages, sensing your quick approach, his honey tone of voice pushing you past your breaking point at last.
Your orgasm hits you like a freight train, washing over you in overwhelming waves. You clench hard around him, soaking his cock and the curls at the base of it. Nothing has ever felt better, your mind and body succumbing to sheer pleasure; being pulled right under. He pulls out just in time, ropes of his own cum spurting out over his stomach and chest.
You both breathe heavily, the sounds of each inhale and exhale the only thing filling the space around you. You shakily climb off of Eddie, sitting beside him on the bed. He reaches over, pulling tissues from the box on the bedside table. He cleans you up before he cleans himself, gingerly wiping between your thighs. He kisses you in the midst of it, lips pressed to yours as one hand grips your face.
“You’re everything I’ve ever wanted, Sunny,” he whispers. “My fucking dream girl.”
You giggle, unable to hide how smitten you are. “Such a sap, Eds,” you joke, leaning in for another kiss. “You’re everything I’ve ever wanted, and then some,” you say after pulling away, enjoying the way his cheeks flush pink. “In case I haven’t said it enough this week, I’m so fucking happy you’re home.”
“I’m never going anywhere ever again. It’s me and you forever, sweetheart,” he promises, laying back down and pulling you to join him.
Chest to chest, you tilt your chin up to look at him. Your noses are nearly touching, his arms wrapped around your middle; keeping you close and keeping you safe.
“I love you, Eddie.”
“I love you even more.”
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wandaslittlebird · 1 month
Text
Broken
Another cut segment of Her Special Girl Part 2! (Hopefully coming soon)
CW: Stepmom/stepdaughter, mention of strap on usage, sexual experimenting, shame, no explicit smut but still very much 18+
“Mama?” You asked, laid back against the headboard with Wanda’s head resting on your chest. The strap she’d just fucked you with was still nestled between your legs, resting sticky against your thigh. Neither of you had the energy to get up just yet, and you were more than happy to stay just like this until your stamina returned.
The night had been wonderful. You’d never felt more complete and satisfied in your life. Having Wanda inside you made you feel like the most important girl in the universe. She loved you. She took care of you. Everything was perfect.
Except your stomach tightened with a certain unshakable shame and embarrassment.
You hadn’t cum.
She had to have noticed, but she hadn’t mentioned it. Your mind swam with possibilities. She had to be disappointed, right? I mean she’d fucked you for over an hour, putting in so much hard work to make sure you felt good… all for nothing.
You weren’t sure why it hadn’t happened. You’d felt so wonderful the entire time. She had made you feel so good. But your orgasm simply never came.
“Yes, my little love?” She mumbled into your chest. She was practically collapsed against you from exhaustion. It had been a good long while since she’d fucked anyone like that.
“I did a good job, right? I was good?” You tried to keep your composure, but your voice came out far shakier than you were hoping. Your hand nervously played with her hair, braiding small bits of it at random.
She turned to the side, propping herself up on her elbow so she could see your face. “Of course you were, angel. You did wonderful. Mama’s so proud of you.” She wiped your hair from your face, cupping your cheek to force your avoidant eyes to meet hers.
“Even though I didn’t…”
She lifted her eyebrows, waiting for you to finish your question. She knew what you were trying to ask, of course. When you didn’t continue, she reached up and squeezed your hand. “Did you still enjoy yourself?”
“Yes! Yes I-“ You felt the need to reassure her she hadn’t done anything wrong. Whatever the problem was, it was with you. You’d felt fantastic. You weren’t sure why you hadn’t cum. Your nervous ramblings were cut off when you felt her hand gently squeeze yours again. 
“Then that’s all that matters, honey,” Wanda reassured, resting her head back on your chest. “I enjoyed myself, too.”
You looked back down at her, confused. “But I know you worked really hard and I… I don’t wanna make you feel bad.”
She rubbed her hands up and down your hips in a calming motion. “I don’t feel bad, love. You were doing so good for me, telling me how much you loved me and how much you were enjoying yourself. I wasn’t doing this to make you cum, honey. I was doing this to make you feel good.”
You took a deep breath, still anxiously fiddling. You trusted her, that she wasn’t upset, but you couldn’t shake the feeling there was something wrong with you.
As if she could read your thoughts she knelt over you, straddling you on either side. You could feel the toy pressing against your stomach as she reached for your cheek again.
“You aren’t broken, detka,” she stated simply. Tears unexpectedly pricked your eyes at her words. She wiped them away with her thumb. “You don’t have to cum every time, sweetie. It’s okay.”
“But this time was special, and I really wanted to show you I was enjoying myself and… and I just don’t understand!” You cried.
“Sometimes our bodies react in ways we don’t expect,” she explained. “And each and every body is different. Some things that work for other people might not work for you. But that’s okay. I’m here to learn all about your body, and what it needs for you to feel the best it possibly can. It’s not a failure for either of us that you didn’t cum, sweetheart. It wasn’t a failure at all because we learned about a new way to make your body feel good.”
You nodded in understanding, so relieved she didn’t think you were broken or that there was something wrong with you. “So we can do it again?”
She laughed and kissed your forehead. “Of course honey. And next time we can use the vibrator if you want. I bet that will make you feel even better.”
You smiled. You were so glad you had her with you, on this journey to discovering your own pleasure. You wanted more than anything to learn what made her feel good, and it made your heart swell to think she wanted to do the same.
She collapsed against your chest again, peppering kisses across your bare skin. “And for the record,” she teased seductively, “I think I came enough for the both of us.”
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andvys · 1 year
Text
I knew you'd linger like a tattoo kiss | part 12
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Warnings: angst, underage drinking, weed, mentions of other drugs, mentions of depression, slut shaming, attempted sexual assault, (reader being kissed, groped and being held forcefully), (she leaves before more can happen) if that makes you feel uncomfortable, you can stop reading this chapter after the moment with Eddie at his trailer!
Pairings: Steve Harrington x fem!cheerleader!reader, Steve Harrington x Nancy Wheeler, slight Eddie Munson x fem!reader (platonic)
Summary: You try to give dating a second chance and quickly come to regret it when you say yes to the wrong boy.
Word count: 9.5k
A/N: shoutout to my bestie @mysticmunson who always always helps me with the best ideas 🤍
series masterlist
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You feel like time is moving faster than usual. One moment it was the new year and now it’s already the end of march and every day pushes you closer and closer to the last day of high school. You can’t believe that it’s almost over. 
You can’t believe how much has changed in the past six months. 
Had someone told you that you would be graduating without him, a year back, you wouldn’t have believed them. It’s always been you and Steve. No matter how awful he was to you, how badly he treated you, it’s always been you two together. 
You wanted to graduate with him, you wanted to go to college with him or even take a gap year and travel through the country with him – that was the plan. 
But you will graduate without him and you will go to college without him and you will travel without him – he won’t be by your side, he won’t ever be by your side again and you have come to terms with it. You are okay with it, now. 
“Hello?” Robin mumbles, waving her hand in front of your face. 
Blinking, you quirk your brow and look at your friend.
“Huh?”
Robin chuckles at the confused look on your face, she sips on her coffee and scoots closer to you on the bench, reaching for a brownie in the brown paper bag between you two. 
“What’s on your mind?” 
You take a sip of your coffee and avoid looking into her eyes. You’re not about to tell her that you are thinking about your ex boyfriend. 
She chews on her brownie and squints her eyes as she stares at you. 
“Just that I’m going to graduate soon,” you chuckle and look at the lake in front of you. You and Robin decided to spend the afternoon by the lake after getting your favorite treats from the cafe downtown. 
The sun is shining down on you, making your skin feel warm. The water is glistening and you cannot wait to jump into the lake when the weather gets even warmer. 
“Yeah, it’s unfair how you and I just became friends and now you’re already leaving!” 
You chuckle and nod at her words. 
“You should have become friends with Eddie a long time ago!” She mumbles, rolling her eyes, playfully. 
A smile tugs at your lips, “I agree.”
“We wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for him.”
“You think?” You ask. 
She nods, her eyes widen, “yeah, I mean don’t get me wrong, you’re super nice and chill but cheerleaders make me nervous and there’s no way I would have ever approached you!”
And that is why she hasn't hung out with you and your friends yet. Despite you telling her how nice they are, she is still too nervous to get to know them properly. 
You can’t help but smirk at her, “why exactly do they make you feel nervous, Robin?” 
She narrows her eyes, glaring at you, which makes you laugh. 
You know that she is into girls, it’s something she has been worried about telling you, too afraid of your reaction. It also didn’t help that you had only known each other for a little while, she didn’t trust you at first but the more she got to know you, the more she realized that you aren’t like the other popular kids at school. You aren’t judgmental or rude or a bully – far from it. When she saw you standing up for Eddie in front of the whole cheer squad and the basketball team, she knew that you are a real friend, you risked your ‘queen’ status and your place in the popular crowd but you didn’t care. 
She didn’t plan on telling you, she blurted it out after having one too many drinks and when she was sober again, she was afraid of your reaction, all the what if’s ran through her mind – what if you will hate her? What if you will out her to the whole school? What if you will laugh and make her the laughing stock of the town? What if you will be disgusted by her? 
She was overthinking. You didn’t give her much of a reaction, in fact, you were chill as always and treated the subject of her sexuality like it was the most normal thing in the world when it definitely isn’t the most normal thing for other people. You went out for breakfast that day and you had asked her who the ‘lucky girl’ is when you found out about her crush, that’s all. 
And since then, you have only gotten closer and closer. 
She blushes at your question, there are two reasons why cheerleaders make her nervous – 1. They are popular and a little mean and 2. They are hot. 
“You know why,” she mumbles and takes a sip of coffee again. 
You giggle, “yeah, yeah. I get it, cheerleaders are hot.” 
“Eddie thinks so too,” she smirks. 
Now it’s your turn to glare at her, “shut up.”
“Oh come on! You tease me, I tease you back! That’s how friendships work, right?”
“Yes,” you say, “but there’s nothing to tease me about.”
She snorts and rolls her eyes, crossing her leg over the other, she leans back and looks up at the blue sky. 
“I saw you two together, lying beneath the starry sky and running around like two teenagers in love,” she says, dreamily. 
You know that she is talking about the bonfire last weekend. 
Shaking your head, you chuckle at her words and roll your eyes. 
“We’re just friends.”
“Friends who slap each other’s butts?” 
“Exactly.”
She looks down and faces you again, studying your face with a curious look in her eyes. She purses her lips and tilts her head. 
“Okay, seriously though, are you just friends or is there more between you two?” She asks, genuinely. Robin watches the way your brows furrow and the way confusion flashes in your eyes. For a split second, you look lost. 
You hesitate. 
“Yeah, just friends.”
She waits for you to continue, she can tell that you want to say more. 
“But, it’s like, he’s a special friend, you know?” 
Her eyes widen when she sees the flustered look on your face, she slaps your shoulder, “friends with benefits?” She gasps, loudly. 
Your jaw drops and your eyes widen as well, “no!” You almost scream, slapping her shoulder back, “you perv! Why is your mind going there?”
“You should’ve seen the look on your face!” Robin laughs, pushing your hand away. “You two are pretty touchy though so can you even blame me for asking that?”
No. No, you can’t blame her. 
Robin has walked in on you cuddling with Eddie way too many times. He casually takes your hand and intertwines your fingers together. He kisses your forehead, your temple, your cheeks, your hands. He picks you up and drives you home. You sleep in each other’s beds and go on ‘friends’ dates. But, you are friends. 
“I get what you mean,” you mumble. You know what your friendship with Eddie looks like to other people. Your mom thinks you’re dating and so does Steve’s mom and the rest of the town as it seems. “Eddie is very special to me and I love him but differently, not the way I loved him.” You shrug, looking down at your hands. You touch the rings that he gave you. “Things with Eddie just feel natural and good and I feel so safe with him, you know? I-I feel like he was a missing piece in my life because when he walked in, everything just felt better and it’s nice to know that he doesn’t expect anything from me, that what we have now, is enough.” 
Robin’s eyes soften. 
“We can just be together, you know?” 
She smiles at your words. 
“And us being so touchy is just,” you pause, looking for the right word. “Fun? I think we both craved the intimacy and the touch of another person. I never got it from Steve.” 
“Really?”
“Yeah, he always pushed me away. He hated cuddling, he never held me, he hated holding my hand. His kisses were rough and he always pushed me away after we had.. sex.”
She frowns. She isn’t surprised to hear about how awful he was to you but it upsets her, you deserve better. 
“What a jerk.”
“Yeah,” you laugh, shaking your head. “I was pretty messed up when he dumped me, I felt miserable and I was so fucking depressed. I shouldn’t have been, he treated me like shit but I still loved him and I still wanted him and if he came back right away, I would’ve definitely taken him back,” you snort, feeling embarrassed to admit that. “But Eddie came into my life and he was just there, he showed me that I didn’t need him. He showed me that friendships and finding other things that make you happy can be enough.”
Robin can tell that there is more behind your words. Nothing will ever replace the hole that someone you loved so much had left in your heart.
“Eddie makes me happy and I just love what we have. He is not like my other friends but he is not like a boyfriend either. I-I can’t explain it.”
Robin sighs but she smiles at you, “maybe you’re soulmates – platonic soulmates!” 
You raise your brows and laugh. 
“I’m sorry if you don’t believe in that stuff but I’m a total believer when it comes to soulmates and twin flames and whatnot.”
“Me too, Robin.”
“Cool,” she grins. 
“Yeah, cool.” You laugh, wiggling your brows, “now we gotta find your platonic soulmate.”
“Ugh,” she rolls her eyes, “they probably don’t exist.”
“Oh, I’m sure they exist,” you say, “I’m sure they’re around here. Maybe both of them are! Your platonic and romantic soulmate.” You smile. 
“I don’t believe that,” she says, blushing. 
“But I do. I got a sneaky feeling that you might find them both soon,” you say, not knowing that there is the actual truth behind your words. 
You look at the lake in front of you, your mind tries to take you back to all your moments here with him but you force yourself to think of something else, someone else, anything that will stop you from thinking about him. 
“Hey,” you nudge her shoulder, “can I ask you something?”
“Of course.”
You hesitate again, not knowing whether it’s worth bringing it up or not. 
“So uh, last weekend, at the bonfire, this guy asked me out on a date. He called me earlier today and asked if I wanna go out with him tomorrow night but I said that I’m not sure, he sounded disappointed and told me to think about it and that he will wait for my call and now I don’t know what to do.”
“Oh?” 
“Yeah,” you mumble, “he used to go to our school, his name is Ray.”
“Okay,” she says, slowly, “why are you not sure?”
You shrug, “I don’t know if I wanna go out with him.”
She wants to ask who you really want to go out with but she doesn’t. 
“You’re not into him?” Robin asks, her blue eyes are filled with curiosity. 
“I mean, he’s hot but I don’t really wanna date anyone right now and I don’t want to have sex.” 
Robin scrunches her face up, looking a little confused. 
“You don’t have to have sex with him and you don’t have to date him.”
“Yeah but they always want sex,” you mumble. 
Disgust flashes in her eyes and she shudders, “do they?”
“Yeah, same with Steve.”
“Seriously?”
“Yeah, I mean we have known each other our whole lives so maybe it’s not that serious when it comes to him but we had sex on our first date,” you pause, rolling your eyes, “and every girl I talk to tells me that every guy expects to get laid on a first date so..”
“Gross,” she says, sipping on her coffee. 
“Yeah.”
“But you don’t have to do anything if you don’t want to. A date can be fun, you can just get to know each other and see if you hit it off, you can laugh together and flirt, do something fun that doesn’t involve kissing or fucking! And a person who is looking for a partner or even just for a companion, won’t want to fuck on a first date,” she says without thinking about her words. 
You don’t know why her words hurt, you don’t hang onto him anymore but to think that he never wanted to date you, that he only wanted to fuck you cuts you deep. Was that all you were good for, sex? Is that why he kept you around, so he could fuck you and take his frustrations out on you? Is that why it was so easy for him to dump you? When he found out that he could have both love & sex, he realized that you were no longer useful to him? 
And it’s not just Steve who made you feel that way, there’s plenty of guys who have tried to get in your pants, before, during and after your relationship with him. Billy Hargrove has to be the worst of them all. 
Her words lingered for the rest of the day, you know that she didn’t mean any harm but it brought back questions that you have always avoided to think about when you were still with him. 
She didn’t notice the sad look in your eyes, too busy trying to convince you to go on a date and have some ‘innocent fun’. You agreed with her, maybe it’s what you really need, some innocent fun. 
You went home after dropping her off, you cleaned your room and you took a long shower, contemplating whether to call or not call him. You tried reading a book but you kept looking at the telephone. 
A part of you wanted to go on that date, the other part was just curious to see how it would all play out. 
In the end, you called him and said yes to the date, he seemed excited and that put a smile on your face but you couldn’t help but feel the hesitation of going out with a guy you are not even that interested in. You had a weird feeling in your chest and in your stomach. 
Something felt off, something felt wrong, very wrong. 
But you were never good at listening to your gut. 
You were good at overthinking though and your mind kept taking you back to him and you couldn’t stand it, you needed a distraction. That’s how you ended up here, on Eddie’s bed with a joint between your lips and a lazy smile on your face. 
The room smells like weed, the cinnamon candle that you have put on his desk and him. The faint sound of some rock song fills the silence, surprisingly he keeps his music on the low today. Eddie is sitting on his chair, writing something in his notebook, something he won’t let you see. His brows are furrowed, lips tucked beneath his teeth, he looks concentrated. 
“What are you writing, Eddie?” You ask, pushing yourself up on your knees, offering him the joint. Instead of taking it from your fingers, he leans closer to you and parts his lips. 
You chuckle and place it between his lips. 
He looks into your eyes, amusement flashes in them when he notices you biting your lip. He takes a drag and closes his eyes for a moment as he inhales. You watch him and remove the joint. You lick your lips, pulling away from him to place the joint in the ashtray on his nightstand. 
Your mind feels hazy, maybe a little too hazy but this is exactly what you wanted. 
Eddie blows the smoke into the air and leans back again, he studies your face. Right now, you look calm and relaxed but you looked tense and worried when you got here, he wonders why. 
“So?” You ask, still waiting for an answer. 
He scratches the back of his neck, his eyes shift away from you, he glances down at his noteback before his eyes meet yours again, “it’s a secret, sweetheart,” he winks.
“Eddie,” you whine, rolling your eyes, “I thought we don’t keep secrets from each other.”
You know it’s nothing serious so you don’t get upset, you could never be upset with him. 
“It’s not exactly a secret, just something I don’t want to show you yet,” he says, smiling. 
“Oh?” 
“Mhmm.”
“Well then, I can relax,” you giggle and lie back again. 
Eddie chuckles, shaking his head. He looks back down at his notebook, holding his pen tighter. He looks at the words on the white paper, tilting his head. His eyes flicker back and forth, looking at you and at the unfinished text.
You hum along to the song playing in the background, tapping your fingers against the mattress. You look around his room, eyeing every item as though it’s your first time in here. Your eyes get stuck on the handcuffs adorning the wall. A curious look takes over your face. You have asked him about them before and you felt slightly disappointed when you found out that those aren’t from him being arrested and running away, these are just handcuffs he stole from the equipment at the theater room in school. 
You reach for the joint and take a long drag, letting the smoke invade your lungs slowly. You sit up, still eying the handcuffs. 
Eddie wonders what you are thinking about. He puts the notebook down, propping his elbow against the table as he watches you, curiously. 
“You know what I always wondered?”
“What?” He asks. 
“What it’s like to be a criminal,” you say, giggling. 
He raises his brows in surprise, clearly not expecting this. 
“I kinda wanna know what it’s like to get arrested forcefully, being thrown to the ground and getting handcuffed like in those action movies,” you say as you tilt your head, “I wouldn’t mind getting arrested by Jim Hopper, he’s so hot,” you giggle. 
Eddie can’t help but laugh. You aren’t just joking about being cuffed, you are genuinely curious and he is amused by it. An idea crosses his mind and it doesn’t take him long to get into action, he gets up and walks over to the handcuffs, taking them off the wall, he looks at you with a smirk on his face. 
“You wanna know what it’s like to be cuffed?” He asks as he holds them in front of your face. 
You eye the mischievous look in his eyes, knowing that he has something on his mind, something that has got to do with him cuffing you and you can’t help but feel excitement rushing through you. 
You nod eagerly and it only makes him chuckle even more. 
“You wanna feel like a little criminal and have a cop running after you?” He asks as he bends down, leaning closer to you until his face is directly in front of yours. 
You nod.
“Good cop or bad cop?” 
“Bad cop,” you say, biting your lip. 
He chuckles darkly, he eyes you up and down before he leans closer, he brushes your hair back, his breath hits the exposed skin on your shoulder, his fingertips linger on your skin, “well then, you better run, sweetheart,” he whispers. 
He pulls back and your eyes lock with his again, he is serious about this, you can tell by the look on his face. 
For a moment, you are both silent, both waiting for the other to move. The music is still playing but the room is more silent than ever. Suddenly, Eddie lunges at you and a squeal falls from your lips, you manage to dodge his hands and jump back before he gets ahold of you. You put distance between you and him, crawling back and getting up on the other side of the bed. 
“Ma’am you are under arrest!” Eddie says with a deep voice and a mean look on his face. 
You laugh, loudly but Eddie doesn’t look amused at all. 
“Put your hands behind your back!” 
“What am I under arrest for, officer?” You ask, blinking innocently. 
Eddie frowns, he steps around the bed, trying to get closer to you. 
“That’s chief Munson to you, little lady,” he glares at you, still talking in a deep voice, “and you’re under arrest for being a bad girl.”
You raise your hand towards your lips and laugh. He tries to look mean but his eyes are filled with amusement. He steps even closer but before he can get too close, you get back on the bed and crawl over to the other side. Eddie instantly follows you. Your heartbeat picks up and you slam open the door before you run out into the hallway. 
“Hey!” 
You squeal when you hear him running after you. 
“Get back here, you little shit!” Eddie yells, snorting when he trips over Wayne’s slippers. 
You run into the living room, stopping behind the table by the couch. You are a giggling mess and Eddie thinks it’s cute, he can’t help but smile as he tries to keep the frown on his face. 
“Please chief, don’t arrest me!” You say with a fake whiney voice, “I’ll be a good girl.”
Eddie smirks, “that’s how you talk to the chief?” 
“Yeah,” you say, wiggling your brows. 
The handcuffs in his hands jingle as he flicks them back and forth, walking closer and closer to you which makes you step closer to the couch. 
“You’re only making it worse for yourself, just stay where you are,” he orders, giving you a pointed look. 
“Or what?”
He quirks a brow, grinning at you, “or I’ll have to punish you.”
“Aw, I’m so scared.”
Eddie runs forward and reaches his hand out to grab you but you are quicker than him, laughing loudly when you run away again, bolting back to his room but you don’t expect him to catch you so quickly. Suddenly, his arms are wrapped around your waist, he hooks his leg around yours, bringing you down but making sure that you hit the carpet softly, a surprised gasp escapes your lips, in just under ten seconds he has you pinned beneath his body, holding you against the ground.
You struggle against him but he is stronger than you, he presses your front against the floor and holds your hands behind your back, he straddles you from behind as he puts the cold metal around your wrists, cuffing you. 
“Got ya,” he whispers in your ear, chuckling. 
“Eddie!” You whine, still struggling against him as you try to fight him off. 
You can’t see him but you know that he has a smug look on his face. 
“Y/n!” He mocks you. 
He keeps holding you down, laughing at the way you are struggling and wiggling around. He smirks in satisfaction, “I wish I could take a picture of this,” he jokes as he stares at you and at the way you look beneath him with the handcuffs around your wrists. 
“You perv!” You laugh. 
Your movements cause your skirt to ride up a little and you don’t notice that you accidentally put your panties on display. 
Eddie smirks, ignoring the way his cheeks heat up and the way his stomach flutters.
“Cute polka dot undies, babe. I bet Harrington busted in his pants when he saw these,” he chuckles, staring at your ass. 
You are too high out of your mind to be embarrassed about anything, right now. You finally stop wiggling around, you crane your neck to the side, trying to look at him, “I usually didn’t wear any when we were together.” 
He laughs in surprise, “okay slut,” he jokes causing you to erupt into a fit of giggles. He tugs at the hem of your skirt, putting it back into place, he then looks away, clearing his throat, he gets up and adjusts his pants before he leans down, uncomfortably. Grabbing your waist, he picks you up, laughing at the way you squeal before he puts you back on your feet. He grabs the cuffs, “let’s get back in the cell, little criminal,” he whispers, pushing you through the hallway and back into his room.
You are still a giggling mess when he takes the cuffs off of you and puts them back on the wall. You plop down on the bed and lie down.
“Tell me, are you gonna wear these cute panties for Parker?” He teases you, narrowing his eyes to watch your reaction. Your eyes widen, you sit back up and straighten your back, looking like a deer caught in headlights. 
“W-What? How do you know?” You ask in confusion. 
He chuckles, turning back to face you, he walks towards you, crouching down in front of you. 
“Robin told me that you might want to go on a date with him, I kinda figured you would,” he shrugs. 
Eddie hates the idea of you going out with him. Ray is a jock and from his experience, 99% of the jocks are complete assholes, disrespectful to girls and generally, awful human beings. You dated one before, you don’t need another one to hurt you but he isn’t about to tell you what to do or not do – he should have. 
You blink, looking nervous all of the sudden, you look hesitant and that puts a frown on his face.
“What’s wrong?” He asks, taking your hands in his, trying to comfort you. 
“I think I made a mistake,” you admit as all the happiness and amusement on your face vanishes, “I-I shouldn’t have said yes to the date.”
You look anxious and that makes him anxious too.
“I don’t think that I’m ready.”
His brown eyes soften, he grips your hands tighter. Eddie thinks that you will never be ready to date anyone else – Steve Harrington is the one and only for you. You may think that you have moved on but he knows that you haven’t, he can still see the love in your eyes when you look at him. You aren’t aware of it and neither is he. 
Eddie clears his throat, trying to say something but you interrupt him. Pinching your nose, you shake your head. 
“I-I don’t even want a boyfriend, right now – let alone another jock! I don’t want to fuck him either, what was I thinking?”
A part of him wants to encourage you to cancel the date, a huge part of him wants to do that, the part that is very protective of you but he doesn’t do it. 
“Sweetheart,” Eddie sighs as he sits down beside you, still holding your hand, “you don’t have to date him or fuck him. And a part of you must’ve wanted to go on that date, otherwise you wouldn’t have said yes, right?” 
“I guess,” you shrug. 
The truth is, you want to know what it’s like to go out with someone who wants you. 
“I’m sure Robin told you that already but you can just go out and have fun, you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. If the date goes well then great but if he turns out to be an asshole then you can just give him the mean right hook you gave Billy and then you’ll call me, I’ll pick you up and kick his ass and then we’re gonna go to family video, rent some movies and binge on our favorite snacks.”
And just like that, the smile on your face returns and Eddie’s eyes light up. 
“The campaign is tomorrow,” you point out. 
He shrugs, “for you, I’ll cancel any campaign,” he winks and wraps his arm around you, pulling you into his chest. 
You smile and snuggle closer to him, “you’re the best, Eddie.”
“No, you are.” He kisses the top of your head and runs his fingers through your hair, “you know what?”
“Hmm?”
“I’m gonna miss this if you get a boyfriend,” he admits when you both lie down and he pulls you on top of him, “shit, I got used to cuddling you, I need my little spoon.”
You giggle into his chest, “I need my big spoon too.” You place your palm on his chest, propping your chin on the top of your hand, you look into his eyes. “I’m not gonna have a boyfriend anytime soon but you might get a girlfriend,” you whisper, tapping his nose, making him smile.
“Nah,” he mumbles, scrunching his nose up, his eyes shift away for a second, “I don’t think so, I just wanna focus on my music and my friends,” he says, squeezing your waist.
You nod. 
“I get that. I feel the same way, I just wanna focus on myself a-and be by myself.” 
He smiles, he continues to play with your hair, watching you as you reach for his necklace, eyeing the guitar pick. 
“We should just stay single together,” he jokes. 
“I actually love the idea.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah,” you chuckle. 
“I’ll still kick Parker’s ass if you need me to,” Eddie says after a moment of silence, making you laugh again. “I hope that you will have a good time though, sweetheart.”
You hope so too. 
You hoped so but at that time you did not know yet that the next night would end up a nightmare. That you would have tears streaming down your face, regretting that you had ever said yes to him. 
-
It’s been a long time since you had been out on a date, you forgot what it’s like to feel the excitement but also the anxiety of going on a first date again. The not knowing of how the night will turn out made you a little nervous. You didn’t know what he had planned and where he would take you but you spent all day picking out an outfit, trying on all your dresses, all your skirts, combining your jeans with your favorite tops. You hated every option, every single outfit felt wrong, even your favorite clothes didn’t feel right on you – you should have taken that as a sign to cancel the date, you should have. 
In the end, you settled for a blue sundress, pairing it with your favorite shoes and a denim jacket. You braided the front pieces of your hair and did your make up and finished it up with some pink gloss on your lips. 
A part of you kept telling you to cancel the date, to call him and say that you had changed your mind but the other part kept telling you that the doubt and the awful feeling that had settled in the pit of your stomach was because you were overthinking things, because you weren’t ready to go out with someone else. 
You sat on your bed and stared at the wall, bouncing your knee up and down as you fought a war in your mind, you had no time to change your mind though, the doorbell rang too soon for your liking. 
You felt some of the tension leaving your body when he greeted you with his cute smile and your favorite flowers, you were surprised, you only briefly mentioned what flowers you love the most in your way too short conversation at the bonfire, last week. 
He looked excited and that put your mind at ease, a little.
He was a gentleman, he opened the car door for you and asked you how your day had been, he easily made you laugh. There was no awkwardness in the air, none at all. For the first thirty minutes, you were still a little tense though, your heart was pounding, you were nervous but he was great. 
The ice broke when The Cure started playing and you found something you have in common, you started talking about your favorite bands. You forgot how nervous you felt, you even forgot how wrong it had felt to go out with him, you forgot the weird feeling in your stomach, for a moment, you forgot everything. You shouldn’t have. 
He was respectful and nice all night, he didn’t touch you the way you thought he would. The most he did was offer you his hand or put it on the small of your back. He didn’t put his hand on your thigh when you were at the movies, not the way Steve did on your first date. He didn’t try to kiss you during the movie, he didn’t try anything. He kept making you laugh and it was nice, he made you feel comfortable and that led to you letting your guard down. 
For the first time, you had felt like a guy was genuinely interested in you. 
After the movies, you went to get some drinks and things were going great, too great. The part that kept screaming at you all day was back and screaming even louder but you drowned that voice out and you focused on him and how interested he seemed in you. 
Was luck on your side this time? 
But every good moment has to end and now the moment has come and it brings you here. 
You are walking down the sidewalk with your hand in his as you discuss the movie you saw earlier tonight. 
“There is no way you still think that Halloween is better than Friday the 13th!” 
“I do!” You shrug, giggling. “I think it’s the best movie.”
He shakes his head, chuckling, “I think you gotta see more movies.”
“Oh, I watch plenty of movies and I love horror but Halloween is still my favorite.”
“It’s hardly even a horror movie, honey.”
The pet name makes your smile falter a little.
“It’s good though.”
You stop in front of his car and you both turn to face each other, he places his hand on the roof of his car and you watch the way he eyes you up and down, the way his eyes linger on your chest, the way he licks his lips and smirks when his eyes meet yours again. 
You have to crane your neck to look up at him, he is tall, even taller than Steve. His hair is dark blonde and his eyes are blue, he has a look in his eyes that Steve doesn’t have, you don’t know whether it’s a good sign or not. His hair falls in front of his eyes. 
He is handsome but he isn’t him. 
You feel shy beneath his gaze, something his demeanor has changed in the past few minutes.
“Tell me,” he says as he leans closer to you, “which girl are you in a horror movie, the one that gets killed having sex or the innocent little girl turning into a killer?”
Maybe that should have made you turn on your heel and run but instead, you giggle at his question with a confused look on your face. 
You shrug, “I don’t know. Who are you? The jock that gets killed when the popular girl fucks him or the unassuming guy who turns out to be the slasher?” 
He chuckles darkly, “why don’t you find out?” He jokes as he unlocks the car and opens the door for you. 
You laugh, “sure, why not.”
The night is over and you can’t help but feel relieved, the date went great and you are happy about that, at least, you can go to bed knowing that there are guys who still just want to get to know you, without wanting something from you. 
Eddie is one of those guys too, he just wants to be around you but he is just a friend, nothing more. 
The small smile that lingered on your lips slowly disappears when he drives past the street that leads to your house. You glance at him, swallowing nervously. 
“That’s not the way to my house.”
He tilts his head, narrowing his eyes at you with a smile, “oh I know, the night isn’t over yet,” he winks and looks back, gripping the steering wheel with one hand and letting his other hand linger close to you. 
There is nothing bad about what he said but you feel your heart dropping and a shiver running down your spine, still, you try to stay calm. You take a deep breath and look out the window, watching the passing trees. 
This can still have a good ending, right?
He drums his fingers against the steering wheel.
“Everything okay?”
You force a smile on your face and nod, “mhm.”
He is making sure that you are okay, that must be a good sign, right? 
The wooded area he was driving through, already gave you all the signs where he is taking you, you are still surprised when he parks the car at Lovers Lake. 
“You’re not actually the unassuming slasher are you?” You joke when you stare at the dark lake in front of you. 
He chuckles at your question, he turns off the car and unbuckles his seatbelt. You do the same, thinking that he wants to leave the car. 
“Are we going skinny dipping?” You ask, laughing as you reach for the door handle but before you can open it, he reaches out, cupping your face with his large hands and pulling you into him, he smashes his lips against yours, catching you off guard a little. 
Your heart beats faster and you gasp against him, you did not expect this. He pulls you even closer against him, kissing you desperately.
It feels wrong, so so wrong.
But you decide to try it out, to see what it’s like to kiss someone else. You place your hand on his cheek, you close your eyes and you kiss him back. 
He hums in satisfaction, his thumb lingers on your cheekbone, his lips move softly against yours. It's nice, at first, but then it gets rougher and faster. 
You can taste the coke and the rum on his lips, you can smell his expensive cologne on him, you can feel how rough he is and you can still feel how he’s pulling back, he wants more and it makes the pit in your stomach grow bigger. 
Disappointment is all you feel now, of course it had to go this way. 
His hands move down to your shoulders and he deepens the kiss, slipping his tongue past your lips, you can feel him smirking against you when you whimper – not from pleasure but from the discomfort of the forceful kiss, you don't know why you keep going, you don’t know why you keep kissing him when you can already tell where is he is trying to take this. He pushes your jacket down along with the straps of your dress and then he breaks the kiss, smirking at you when you gasp at the roughness of his hands as he pulls you closer against him, you can’t keep up with his quick movements. Before you can react, he pushes your hair back and buries his face in your neck, not wasting a second to start kissing and sucking on your neck, it hurts.
You scrunch your face up, hissing when you feel his teeth gracing your skin.
“Ray.”
“I’m gonna fuck you so hard.” 
You shudder in disgust and tilt your head, trying to move back, scooting away, only for him to pull you back. When you feel his hands gripping your sides tightly, you feel your stomach dropping, you freeze when you realize what this night is turning into.
“Stop it,” you warn him with a shaky voice, your heart is pounding in your chest and everything inside of you screams at you to get out of here.
“Where do you think you’re going?” He asks as he suddenly grabs your thigh, trying to push his hand under your dress, “come on, don’t be such a prude, y/n. We both know you want this. I saw the way you looked at me.”
His words make you feel sick, the nausea rises up quickly and you feel like throwing up. 
“No! Stop it, Ray!” You say louder as a mix of anger and fear rushes through you, “I don’t want this!”
The fear inside of you doesn’t know how to handle the situation but the anger does. You grab his hair and pull him away from you, ripping his hand away with your other hand. 
“I said no, asshole!” You spit and slap him harshly across the face with the back of your hand, knowing that the rings that Eddie gave you will leave marks on his skin. 
His eyes darken at your action, he clenches his jaw and his cheeks grow red, you see the anger and rage behind his eyes and it scares you. With shaky hands, you rip the door open and get out of the car. You need to get out of here, you need to get away from him. 
Luck is never on your side. 
You feel like a fool for thinking that he was just interested in you. Of course, he wanted more, of course he wanted this from you. What else could he possibly want from you? 
You feel your heart in your throat and the regret and fear in you is so strong, you don’t know whether to scream or cry when you hear him getting out of his car. Your first instinct is to run but he grabs your waist and drags you back. You can’t even fight him off, he is much bigger and stronger than you are. He slams you against the car and pins your wrists against it, holding them tightly, too tightly. 
“Let me go!” You yell, struggling against the grip he has around your wrists.
He shakes his head, laughing. 
“I told you, I don’t want this! I don’t want to have sex with you so let me go or–”
“Or what?” He chuckles, “you’re not gonna do shit. You can’t tell me you didn’t wear this for me,” he says, tugging at your dress before he lets go of your wrist and grabs your face instead, “and the way you looked at me at the bonfire? You gave me those eyes, babe. I knew you wanted to be fucked.”
You shake your head, you press yourself against the car, desperately needing some distance between you and him. 
“I didn’t, I thought you were nice.”
“Aw,” he pouts but even in the darkness, you can see the amusement in his eyes, “you thought I was nice? You thought I wanted to take you out on a cute little date, kiss you on your porch and ask you to be my girlfriend?”
No but you certainly didn’t want this. The guy he was earlier, is gone, he dropped the act and is now showing you the side you are afraid of.
“If I wanted a girlfriend, I wouldn’t have asked you out,” he says, chuckling, “you think I was interested in you?” 
You don’t answer him, you just continue to stare at him. 
“Jesus,” he sighs, “you’re so fucking dumb.”
Your lips part and your brows furrow, you feel like punching him but you also feel like crying, this is a nightmare. 
“What would I want with a stupid little bitch like you?” He laughs and he finally lets go of you, taking a step back. 
You feel relieved to no longer feel his hands on you but your heart is still pounding and you feel cold.
“I took you out and listened to the shit you were telling me about, the least you could do was let me fuck you after teasing me all night.”
You blink, staring at him in disbelief. 
“Let me tell you something, y/n,” he says, tilting his head. 
You should have walked away, you shouldn’t have let him speak, you shouldn’t have listened to him, you should’ve left. 
But you stand frozen in place, you are blinking, your eyes are wet with tears.
“You are so fucking boring. You’re just a dumb little cheerleader with no fucking personality. The only good thing you have is your pretty face and your body – you should be thankful for that, by the way,” he says, pointing at you, “you’re a good fuck and that’s all you’ll ever be, that’s why Harrington dumped you, you’re not fucking interesting enough to keep around.”
Somehow, he knew which words he had to use to hurt you. 
You know that you were never good enough for him, you know that he didn’t love you, you know that he turned away from you because he found something better, something real. 
You feel like a fool for thinking that someone could want you for more than this. 
Ray had voiced everything that has been on your mind already. 
“Oh and that Munson guy you hang out with? He’ll drop you too the moment you spread your legs for him — that’s probably why he’s still around, he’s just waiting for you to whore yourself out to him.”
You want to scream at him, you want to hurt him back but you don’t feel the power to actually fight back. 
You stare at him through your blurry vision, breathing heavily as you clench your fists. You can feel yourself wanting to cry but you would never give him the satisfaction and show him how hurt you are. You turn on your heel and walk away, pulling the strap of your dress and your jacket back in place. 
“Where are you going?” He asks, making you scoff in disbelief.
You flip him off without looking back, “fuck you!”
You don’t know where to go, you don’t know how to get home from here, it’s too dark to even see anything but you would rather get lost in the woods than get back in his car. You choose to walk down the dark path, refusing to get back on the road where he will drive by.
You refuse to let the tears fall, you blink rapidly, tugging your jacket tighter around you as you strut through the woods. You feel disgusted and angry, you regret this, you regret everything. 
You hate yourself for going out with him, you hate yourself for kissing him back, you hate yourself for letting his words get to you. You wipe away the tear that threatened to roll down your cheek. 
You were doing so good. You were happy. You were content with the way things were going. Why did you have to say yes to the date? Why did you have to ruin everything? His words have triggered something inside of you, something you had tried to leave in the past. 
That’s why Harrington dumped you. That’s why Harrington dumped you. That’s why Harrington dumped you. 
I’m not in love with you anymore.
Did you really think that I meant that?
I didn’t, I-I’m not even sure if I ever loved you, y/n. I wouldn’t have fallen for her if I did love you, right?
I mean, it wasn’t love.
Well, he wasn’t in love with her– I mean, he dated her because that was expected of him, right? She’s the popular cheerleader, the pretty rich girl, those have nothing in their brains and they’re pretty boring too so.. It was all just for show, I-I mean, do you really think he wanted her for her?
The voices in your head get louder and louder, overpowering the other. You can’t do this anymore, you can’t. You halt in your tracks, you put your hands over your ears, shaking your head. 
A hand on your shoulder pulls you out of your thoughts, startling you. A gasp falls from your lips and you jump back with wide eyes, only now realizing that you are not on the dark path any longer. The street lights illuminate the street ahead of you, you recognize the boat houses. 
“Whoa, relax, girly. It’s just me.”
You press your palm against your chest and sigh, it takes you a moment to recognize the lanky guy in front of you. 
Reefer Rick. 
Eddie’s supplier. 
“You scared me,” you mumble, rolling your eyes. You relax as you continue to take deep breaths.
The smell of weed invades your space and you glance back at him, noticing the joint between his lips. 
“Sorry, kid. What’re you doing out here by yourself?” He asks, smoking his joint. 
“Walking.”
“Walking in a dress?”
You look down at yourself with a frown, “what’s wrong with walking in a dress?”
“Nothin’,” he laughs, clearly stoned out of his mind, “I wouldn’t want to walk in a dress.”
“Okay..”
He points to his house, “I’m throwing a party, wanna come inside? I got some new stuff to try out.”
New stuff – new drugs. You don’t take drugs, except for the occasional joints you smoke with Eddie but that’s all. 
You should go home right now but the thought of being alone with your thoughts seems too much after the night you had and you want to forget, forget everything that happened. 
You hesitate though, you promised Eddie that you would never go to one of Rick’s parties by yourself, he made you promise, claiming that he doesn’t trust the people that Rick surrounds himself with. 
Normally, you wouldn’t do this but tonight, you don’t care about the promises that you have made. You need a drink or maybe even something stronger. 
“Okay.”
-
After a long and exhausting campaign, Eddie wanted nothing more than to go home, call you to ask how the date had gone and then go straight into bed but he had promised Rick to drop by and pick up the new supplies. 
He parks the car on the side of the road, sighing when he sees all the cars in his driveway, the people on his porch. 
Eddie hates parties, especially Rick’s parties, too many crazy people in one house. He walks into the boathouse, wincing at the music – not at the volume but at the awful song choice. He looks around, looking for his supplier. 
“Aye Munson!” 
He perks up when he hears Rick’s voice, he cranes his neck, looking over a group of girls. He waves his hand in front of his face when someone blows smoke directly into his face as he makes his way over to him. 
He is too tired for this tonight and quite frankly, he isn’t in the mood to be here. He wants to check on you. A weird feeling in his stomach had kept him from enjoying the night with the boys from hellfire tonight, it triggered a headache too. 
“There you are!” Rick grins and throws his arm around Eddie, “how’s it going?” 
“Good,” Eddie mumbles. 
Over the loud music, he hears a girl’s giggle and he could swear it sounded like you. 
“Listen uh, you got the stuff?” Eddie asks. 
“You don’t wanna stick around?” Rick asks, frowning.
“Nah man, I’m tired. Maybe next time.”
Rick sighs, he runs his hand through his messy hair, sticking his joint back between his lips.
“Alright, I’ll get your stuff, wait here.” 
Eddie nods. He puts his hands into his pockets, he looks around. A cloud of smoke hangs over the living room, the smell of weed and alcohol is heavy in the air. Most people here are strangers to Eddie, he wonders where Rick finds these people. 
He looks over at the people dancing, snorting at the couple making out in the middle of the dance floor, the group of girls that are laughing and singing along to the music don’t seem to bother them as they continue to bump into them. He looks away but then his eyes catch sight of something that makes him freeze in his spot. He has to take a double look to make sure that his eyes aren’t playing tricks on him. 
Amongst the girls he had never seen, is you. 
“What the hell,” Eddie mumbles, confused. 
You have glitter on your face, your eyes are red, he can even tell from a distance. You are giggling loudly, letting one of the girls twirl you around as she holds your hand over your head. 
You are either drunk or on drugs. 
“You gotta be kidding me,” he mumbles through gritted teeth. 
What are you doing here and where is your date? 
He is not happy to see you here. This is not a good place. 
Angrily, he stomps over to you, pushing past the people who are on the dancefloor next to you. He calls your name loudly and watches the way your bloodshot eyes widen when you see him. You pull away from the girls, stumbling on your feet, a little. 
“Eddie!” You squeal and run towards him, throwing your arms around him. “What are you doing here!”
He smells the whiskey and the weed on you, right away and it pisses him off. 
“What am I doing here?” He asks as he pushes you away from him, carefully. “What are you doing here?” 
He watches the way your face drops, the way your lips set in a pout at the tone in his voice. 
“I told you not to come here by yourself! Where is your date?” He asks, too angry to notice anything, too angry to notice the look in your eyes, too angry and worried to see the marks on the side of your neck or the red and purplish bruises around your wrists. 
You fall into a ramble, giving him nothing but incoherent words. You blink rapidly, your voice is shaky, he doesn’t understand a single word and he can tell that you are starting to hyperventilate as the happiness and the bliss begins to fade away more and more.
He puts his arm around you and leads you out on the porch, where it’s more quiet, he sits you down on the steps and puts his hands on your shoulders.
“Sweetheart, you need to calm down,” he says when your rambling causes you to breathe faster.
“I-I, yeah.” Is all you say as you rub your eyes, not caring about your make up. 
“What did you take?” He asks, thinking that it’s the drugs that are messing with you. 
“Just weed and w-whiskey,” you slur.
He sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose, “you’re here alone?”
You nod. 
“Jesus Christ, y/n,” he murmurs, “I told you not to come here! Do you ever listen?” 
He doesn’t notice the way you flinch at his words, the way you look at him with glossy eyes as you search for the usual warmth in his eyes. 
“I’m gonna get you some water and then I’ll drive you home, okay?” 
“Okay,” you whisper.
He gets up, he looks down at you, your eyes lock and he notices the way you look at him, like a scolded child, big eyes that are filled with sadness and guilt, pouty, quivering lips. His eyes soften but he is still so angry, he sighs and turns away and walks back into the house.
He is angry that you didn’t listen, he is angry because he doesn’t know what would happen if he didn’t show up here tonight. 
But he doesn’t know what had already happened. 
When he walks back out with a water bottle in hand, he closes the door behind him and speaks up without looking at you. 
“Alright let’s go – oh, you gotta be fucking kidding me!” He yells, startling some of the people who are still out on the porch. But you are gone. 
“Jesus H. Christ!” 
-
Another sleepless night keeps Steve on his toes. He hates it. He finished his homework earlier tonight, he went out for a run, took a long shower, cleaned his room and reread Pride and Prejudices again. 
He wanted to go to the movies with Nancy but she had already made plans with Barb tonight – a ‘girls sleepover’. 
He envies her a little, he doesn’t have any friends anymore, no one to hang out with, no one to play basketball with, no one to go to the movies with. He misses it. 
He lies in his bed, throwing a baseball into the air and listening to Tears For Fears. He lets his mind wander, he wonders what you are doing right now, he wonders if you are with Eddie tonight, he wonders if – no. Stop it, just stop it. 
Sighing, he throws the ball across the room, letting it bounce of the wall and onto the floor, he turns on his side, facing his nightstand and the telephone he keeps staring at every night, hoping for a call from –
His heart leaps to his throat and he almost jumps up when it starts ringing. He stares at it for a moment, almost in disbelief. 
The shrill ringing continues to sound through the room and he leans over, grabbing the receiver and sitting up as he holds it to his ear. 
“Hello?” 
Steve doesn’t know what or who he expected it to be – maybe Nancy or his mom or even Dustin or one of the other kids who sometimes prank call him but when he hears the quiet sniffle, he instantly knows who it is without having to hear the voice first. 
His face falls and a frown takes over. 
“Steve?” 
next chapter
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uchinagai · 17 days
Text
19 “it’s me before her” - Karina smau
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(half written; word count: 783)
Younger was sick and tired of everything that was happening. The girl she was interested in and showed interest in her hasn’t spoken to her all of the 3 hours she’s been here. Aespa was shooting teasers for their comeback and y/n said to her that she would swing by for her but here she was doing anything BUT paying attention to her. Older was either on her phone typing something violently, which was suspicious to her, or speaking to ningning and Giselle.
Which angered her more.
Older didn’t know Giselle at all but here she was laughing and giggling with the girl. It was mostly Giselle cracking jokes while y/n laughed along.
The girl's laugh was so beautiful but there was no time for that.
She needed to get her attention.
So when she finished shooting, she walked over to the two and put her arm around y/ns shoulder so casually as she looked at her with a smile.
“I'm done with mine.”
y/n was lost for words. Sudden skinship and eye contact made her lose her mind in seconds and felt her legs go weak for whatever reason.
“U-uh that's great! we should wait for ningning to finish up–”
“Aren’t you here for me?” Karina asked with a small pout. y/n was gonna lose it.. There is no way she’s gonna fall for a girl this easily. It's not fair. She looked away with a hint of blush.
“I promised ningning to wait for her”
“Aww shucks, then we will wait together and go to the park,” Karina suggested as y/n agreed.
“Sounds like a plan”
“Great I'll get changed then”
y/n hummed in agreement as Karina walked away while the Japanese in front of her gave her stupid smile.
“What?’
“Are you in love with my leader?”
“no, I'm not.”
“Sure and there’s a flying pig behind you.” “Where?!” older yelled as she turned excited causing staff to be slightly startled by the girl's outburst. Japanese let out a huge laugh as she threw her head back slapping y/ns thigh as the older looked at her annoyed.
“Not funny!” she said as she crossed her arms with a pout while the girl laughed even more.
“It was the top 3 funniest things you have done ever since you arrived!!”
“Wait what is the other 2?”
“Well when you got us drinks and forgot about your friend's allergic reaction to the ingredients and second is losing your shit every time my Karina looked at you and you either choked on your drink or just look away embarrassed”
“Was it that obvious?”
“Even staff in the back noticed!” the girl said as she laughed again, slapping y/ns thighs again as she laughed. It was obvious the girl had a hitting problem while laughing so the older took note of it.
As they laughed Karina finished up getting ready and walked over to two girls. Her eyes hawk onto Giselle's hand that rested on y/ns thigh after laughing so she sits next to y/n looking at Giselle with a look that girl caught onto easily and removed her hand.
y/n looked to her side seeing the black-haired girl sitting next to her. She had put her hair in a loose high bun, and the dress she was wearing had leopard print as a design with a short hemline, falling right above mid-thigh. The dress was well fitted around her small waist, the skirt was flowy, and for legs, she wore black thighs underneath knee-high black boots. It was a simple yet beautiful look that made y/ns breath hitch. The girl next to her smiled at her as she noticed that y/n's eyes lingered on her look for a while.
“y/n”
“Yeah?” the girl snapped out of the trance as she looked at her face. Her makeup was perfect too. Nothing too much, it made her look clean, subtle, and elegant. Light fair skin with a tint of blushes and reddish underlines for her eyes topped with brown light eyeliner. Her lips were perfectly shaped too. Her lips have a soft, pinkish hue that compliments the overall natural look. Her bangs also covered her and the girl was probably the most beautiful she has ever been so far even if it's the first time they met.
“We should get going, ning finished up and is changing now.”
“Alright finally!!” the girl said as she got up and stretched a little causing her sweater to lift. y/n grabbed all of her belongings making sure to double check and turned to Karina.
“Let's get going then.’ she said as she offered her hand to Karina which younger accepted in a second and took it into hers.
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eveninggstar · 6 months
Text
I Love You
Summary: you’ve been dating Jake for a few months. When he takes you on a shopping spree at the mall, you find a photo booth and tell him how you feel.
Warnings: fluff, angst, happy ending, kissing, lipstick kisses, readers looks aren’t specified (only that they wear lipstick) but intended to be female, no use of y/n, jake and reader being stupid
A/N: heyyy 👀 sorry i’ve not posted
n e wayz
i saw a video on insta of this couple in a photo booth and the boy hand lipstick kisses on him from his girlfriend and she told him that she loved him. his face was so cute but i read the comments and saw ‘notice how he didn’t say it back’ and i saw a comment that they aren’t together anymore and i was just like 😨
sorry that’s long anyway enjoy
✧・゚: *✧・゚:*
Today you and Jake had been on an incredible shopping spree. Seeing as it was your birthday the week prior, Jake practically begged to pay for your things. The past three months are probably the best three months of your life. The way Jake made you feel felt indescribable. That was until a specific word came to mind in a one afternoon movie session. You were laying in your back, with Jake’s head smushed against your chest. He had fallen asleep with his arms wrapped around you as you scratched his scalp. Looking down at his peaceful face, and one word flashed across your mind. Love.
Ever since that moment at your apartment, you have been trying to find the right moment to tell Jake. You hoped he loved you back. Of course he did, why else were you two always together or why did he always want to spoil you. You hoped.
Your shopping spree was coming to a close, Jake’s arms full of your items as he repeatedly refused to let you hold even the small bags. As you and Jake were about to leave the mall, he suddenly stopped and gasped.
“Oh. My. God.” He turned to you, jumping to the balls of his feet. “Baby, we have to take photos!” He pointed towards the photo booth, the multiple bags in that arm swaying. “This can be your best birthday ever.” He walked the small steps towards you and dropped his head to your shoulder and mumbled, “Please, please, please.”
You turned your head to look at him pouting, with his new lip piercings (AHHH they look so good girl don’t even!!!(i started writing this when he got them done)). You kissed his forehead, leaving him to have a giddy smile on his face, “Of course!”
After manoeuvring all the bags of endless clothes and accessories and paying, you and Jake sat comfortably on the seat. You reapplied your lipstick quickly to give Jake multiple kiss marks on his face and neck. You had only missed his lips. Luckily the camera had taken a photo during.
“Ummm, you forgot a place.” He looked at you then pushed his lips out as far as they could. You looked at him, a small smile on your face as the camera captured the moment.
“Where?” You grabbed his face, looking for the area you missed. You knew he was on about his lips, but there was nothing wrong with asking.
“My lips!” he whined.Giving in, you kissed him. Meanwhile you were thanking god first taking a photo. “Okay, we have one left. What do we do?”
You were both sat looking forwards at the camera thinking. He was thinking of a pose to do, meanwhile you were debating on telling Jake you secret the had been eating away at you.
The photo booth was on the two second mark. Giving in you looked at him, “I love you.” The camera took the last picture, Jake’s face the happiest you’ve ever seen it.
He quickly turned his head towards you, “Really? Are you serious?”
“Yeah.” You timidly smiled at him, looking through your lashes at him. He nodded then got up, picking up your bags and left the photo booth. You were gobsmacked (is this a term people outside england use? idk it’s like shocked) and a little sad. You thought Jake was going to say it back. Yet, he had just left.
Deciding to follow him, he was waiting for you after pocketing both photo strips, leaving it a very awkward drive to your apartment.
When Jake arrived at his shared house with his friend Johnnie, he had an irreversible smile on his face. Johnnie, only just woke up, came down the stairs and noticed as his roommates dimples were the deepest he had ever seen them.
“Dude.” Jake bolted to the disheveled man, unable to stop bouncing on the balls of his feet and he swings his arms in an up agg bc d down motion.
“What?” Johnnie croaked, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. He was struck by the happy Jake as he grabbed Johnnies shoulders, causing the Johnnies eyes to widen in shock.
“She said she loves me!” Jake was jumping up and down with an indescribable joy, slowly Johnnie began to jump with him.
Meanwhile, you were in your room. You were sat at your vanity desk, looking at yourself and wallowing in self pity. Why did he seem so happy when you and it, yet didn’t say it back? Or anything for that matter! You constantly asked yourself what signals you couldn’t read. Maybe he didn’t love you, maybe he was planing on breaking up.
It had been a week, a week of one worded texts or dry texts back and forth with Jake. You hadn’t even called or hung out together since your birthday. So when you were grocery shopping, you were surprised to see Jake calling you.
“Hello?”
“Come over to mine.” He sounded incredibly serious. Seems like he had made up his mind and was going to break up with you. The best person in your life would be no longer apart if it. Then, he hung up, leaving you to wallow in self pity.
Knocking on the door to Jake’s house, you didn’t look as good as you knew you were able to. The door slammed open, showing Jake with a new tattoo on his arm. A love heart. Jake grabbed your arm and quickly pulled you inside, not realising the tight grasp he had.
“Oh my god! i’m so sorry,” he looked at you with his adorable puppy dog eyes, pouting his pierced lip then leant in to kiss the mark-less area. “Come sit,” he repetitively famed his hand towards himself as he walked over to the couch, then sitting down.
You stayed standing as he looked up at you with a certain glow, smiling at you. This, of course, irritated you. The man had the audacity to act like this yet couldn’t even bother to text you.
“Jake, stop!” You raised your voice, being serious. His smile and eyebrows dropped, not knowing what was wrong.
“What’s-”
“You don’t get to act like this if you’re going to break up with me! Just do it now.” You interrupted him. As soon as you finished your sentence he shot up, wrapping his long arms around you. He buried his stupidly handsome face into your hair, lowering his voice.
“What makes you think i want to break up with you?” His voice was as soft as one of those adorable golden puppies.
“It just that-” you sighed, pulling away to rest your hands on his chest and his fell to your waist. “Since i said that i loved you, you’ve been avoiding me.” You stopped, looking to see if he would say anything. Realising there was no point, you decided to bury your hole of self pity deeper. “Please, just break up with me. It will make this so much easier.”
Jake watched as tears gathered in your eyes. Grabbing both sides of your face, he angled you so the out of you were eye to eye. “I love you so much. Words can’t even describe it.” He had a soft smile on his face. “I love the times we go shopping together,” he kissed your cheek, “I love it when you leave lipstick marks all over me,” he kissed the other cheek, “and i love you.” he kissed your lips.
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psychedelic-ink · 2 years
Text
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𝐏𝐢𝐳𝐳𝐚 𝐃𝐚𝐲 - 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐎𝐧𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐒𝐭𝐚𝐲 𝐈𝐧 𝐁𝐞𝐝
pairing: pre!outbreak joel miller x f!reader, one sided tommy miller x f!reader
series summary: After your grandfather’s passing, you find yourself moving into his home in Texas. You meet the Millers; Tommy, his older brother Joel and his daughter Sarah. With time, you and Tommy become close friends and Sarah visits you often. But Joel…Joel keeps his distance. The reason for this is due to one crucial fact you don’t know but he does; Tommy has a crush on you. Which means you’re off limits no matter what. But as your own feelings for Joel grow, things start to get more and more complicated.
genre: angst, smut, romance, slow burn
word count: 3.1k
summary: Months after the move you're trying to paint again. But you lack the motivation to do so. Thankfully, Sarah comes over and keeps you company until Tommy and Joel come over to pick her up.
warnings: brief themes of grief, tommy radiating younger sibling energy and being a menace, fluff
a/n: thank you to everyone who read and enjoyed the prologue and a special thank you to @pedrito-friskito who edited the chapter, love you! 💜💜💜
prologue || chapter two
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The dust lingers in the air, a constant reminder of what once was. You see flecks of it dancing in the beams of light that pour through the window, illuminating the room with a hazy glow. The smell of dust permeates every corner, fills your lungs. There are still boxes stacked in your room. Some of them waiting to be unpacked and some of them waiting to be filled. 
Looking through your grandfather’s old knick-knacks had been a harder task than you thought. You found pictures, lots of them. From his past, from his now. You even found a picture of yourself from when you were a kid; laughing in the sun with mud all over your face. You had promised him the perfect garden. At the end of the day, it was far from it but he still said that it was. 
Your fingers clench around the brush you’re holding. An hour ago you decided to use the grief to make something of it. You had a heaping amount of black and red paint poured onto the pallete, untouched. 
You shake your head, agitated. You really shouldn’t be wasting paint. It’s not like you can afford to continuously buy supplies. 
You’re staring deeply into the blank canvas when a loud knock jars you back to reality. You can feel a burn in your eyes, taunting you for the wasted hour spent sitting idly without so much as a brushstroke to show for it.
“For fuck’s sake,” you grumble under your breath while heading to the door. Your eyes linger on the window, it’s a clear day out, which now you decide to point all your anger at. If it was raining, it would be different. You would have the proper ambiance to be inspired. 
Without looking, you open the door, your eyes immediately dropping to the girl standing on your porch. “Sarah?” 
“Sorry for barging in,” she says with a sheepish grin. “I forgot my keys and dad isn’t home yet. Can I come inside?” 
Dad. Joel. 
You blink before smiling. You take a step to the side as a wordless invite. She steps inside with grace, her shoes blinking pink and purple. It’s hard to stifle a giggle, which earns you a quizzical look from her. 
You point to her feet, “Nice kicks,” 
“Oh,” her eyes lit up, leaving her heel glued to the hardwood floors, she lifted her foot. “Aren’t they cool? Azra offered we trade shoes for the day.” 
"Veeery nice," you nod, but as Sarah turns to head further inside, you clear your throat. "Shoes off," you remind her.
“Right, sorry.” 
You make your way to the kitchen, Sarah follows closely behind, taking off her blinking shoes as she goes. You stretch up on your toes and open the cupboard, searching for Sarah's preferred brand of tea. 
Since you moved in and formed close bonds with the Miller family, both Tommy and Sarah have been regular visitors to your home. You enjoy their company. It was nice to talk to people instead of obsessing over your muses that had clearly abandoned you.
You pull out the box of apple cinnamon tea and place it on the counter. Joel never stops by. You only see him whenever he comes over to pick up Sarah and that’s pretty much it. Sometimes you send cookies via Sarah and the next day she would tell you he enjoyed them. You aren’t quite sure if Joel is just reserved or if he just didn’t like you that much, but no matter what it is, the rest of the family seems to enjoy your presence. Which is all a neighbor could ask for. 
The staccato drumming of Sarah’s fingers against the wooden table pulls you back. You turn on the kettle, a soft steam filling the kitchen. 
“Your uncle Tommy is going to stop by too,” you say, leaning back and crossing your arms. “I’m assuming you’re dad is with him?” 
“Yeah, but it’s pizza day today so my dad will probably force them to stop by the supermarket to grab some stuff,” she lets her head fall onto her hands and adds. “If he doesn’t forget, that is. You should join us,” 
The water comes to a boil, forcing you to turn away from her. You place two tea bags into comically large mugs (the ones that make both Tommy and Sarah giggle, which brightens up your day) and pour the steaming water into them. You place one of the mugs in front of Sarah and slide into the chair beside her, watching as she wraps her nimble fingers around the purple mug. 
“I’m a busy woman,” you tease. “I need to work and stuff,” 
“Coffee shop?” 
“I’m off for the day,” 
A mischievous glint glimmered in her eyes, her smile widening into a cheeky grin. “Date?” 
You snort into your tea, waving your hand dismissively. Sarah raises an eyebrow at that. The girl has quite a sharp intuition. If you were being completely honest, it made you nervous some days.
“Nah, I just need to work on my paintings. I haven’t managed to paint a single stroke. It’s frustrating,” you stop and take a sip, the fruity flavor makes your taste buds come alive. “Very annoying,” 
“Maybe just paint something else or sketch something you like,” she states nonchalantly. “Take a break from the main thing, do a side quest,” 
“Sometimes I do that, but I really need to get a grip. I’m gonna end up working at the coffee house forever, or I’m just going to have to risk starvation,” 
“Don’t worry. We’ll take you in, feed you,” 
Teenagers. You shake your head with an amused smile, “What am I? A dog?” 
“A friend.” 
You still at that, fingers curling around the hot mug, it burns to the touch. Sarah starts to look around your house as if what she just said just now wasn’t ridiculously sweet. 
She hops off the chair and starts to wander with her mug nestled between her palms. Taking a sip, you smile into the porcelain rim, your heart beating fast. 
When you first moved here, you were scared to be alone. That you wouldn’t be able to make any friends. After your grandfather died and left you the house, you had half a mind to not make the move. It was nerve-wracking at the time. But ironically enough it was your grief that spurred you to take the leap forward. 
Sarah slows down, reaching the bookshelf. The one you have in the living room isn’t really that impressive, mostly put there for decor. She pushes a succulent out of the way and allows her fingers to trace the smooth spines. “You have a lot of children’s books,” 
“What can I say, I’m a kid at heart,” you observe the bookshelf next to her. She isn’t wrong. A lot of Roald Dahl books, which are followed by a series of Nicholas and the Gang books. “If you want to see my more serious stuff, we can check the one upstairs.” 
“I’m good,” Hooking her fingers around Matilda, she pulls the paperback out of its home. She flips it over and scans the back. “Can I borrow this one?” 
“Sure, be my guest. That’s one of my favorites,” 
“Living in a house full of dumb-dumbs sounds like my life story,” 
“Oh, believe me, your dad is much smarter than he looks,” the sigh you let out attracts her attention, eyes flitting back to you. “And so is your uncle. Also, Matilda’s parents are kind of assholes,” 
“Woah, spoilers.” 
Another knock at the door. Compared to Sarah’s slow, more careful ones. These knocks sound eccentric, hitting the wood as if the person behind it is out to break it. 
“Uncle Tommy,” Sarah guesses, rolling her eyes but smiling. “My dad’s probably with him,” 
She’s spot on with her guess. Sarah peers from your side, looking over both her uncle and dad. Tommy shoots you a wide grin, his eyes crinkling at the corners. Joel stands tall right behind him, his arms crossed, he greets you with a small smile and a signature head tilt. 
“Hello boys,” you say, returning the nod and smile. “Do you guys wanna come in?” 
Joel lifts a bag of groceries, “Pizza day,” 
Sarah’s ears perk up at that, her eyes wide with disbelief, “You didn’t forget!” then she narrows her eyes, sticking her bottom lip out. “Who are you and what did you with to my dad?” 
“I had to remind him,” Tommy chuckles, nudging his shoulder into Joel’s. He holds your gaze. “But I’m here for you, beautiful,” 
“My hero.” 
Joel scoffs with a half grin and gestures his head towards Sarah, “Get your things. Let’s get going.” 
All Sarah has to do is lean to the side and grab her backpack from behind the door. Joel waits for her below the short set of stairs, one hand in his pocket, eyes flicking between you and Tommy. He seems impatient, almost. 
Tommy brushes past you while Sarah takes her first step over the threshold. At that very moment you feel suspended in time, your eyes finding Joel’s for a brief moment until Sarah comes into view. He slaps a hand over her shoulder and smiles at you. Sarah is still holding the book as she waves you both off. 
When you close the door, Tommy is already in the kitchen, rummaging through your fridge. “You have nothin’ to eat,” 
“I thought we could order out,” you offer, your gaze falling to the blank canvas. Tommy moves his entire upper body out of the fridge and slams it shut. 
“You have anything in mind?” 
You don’t have to think long for an answer. 
“You know what? I think I’m craving pizza.” 
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The thing about Tommy Miller is that he’s a good listener, paired with quite the mouth. 
He can talk for hours. You always comment on how that was his superpower; there RE no awkward silences when Tommy İs near. He’s also ridiculously intuitive, which makes you think Sarah got it from him. 
You two are sitting on the couch with crossed legs and facing each other. Your knees press together as he tells you about his day, munching on the last slice. He’s telling you how the concrete deliveries got delayed, which meant that the rest of their schedule got fucked. His words, not yours. Joel was furious, apparently. You never would’ve guessed. He just looks tired all the time.
“By the way,” he says, swallowing and reaching for the glass of bubbling coke. “If you were cravin’ pizza so much, we could’ve gone over to Joel’s. Eat some of that good homemade shit,” 
Picking up the empty pizza box, you place it on the coffee table and push it with the tips of your fingers. You don’t know how to answer him. Your brows furrow, and when he sees it, worry crosses his face. 
A bitter chuckle drops abruptly from your lips, “I don’t think Joel likes me very much,” 
“What?” Tommy sounds positively horrified. If anyone heard, they would’ve thought you said something along the lines of your mother dying. “Nonsense. He adores you. Why would you even think that?” 
Your eyes drop to the cushions you sit on. You feel the brush of his knuckles ghosting over your cheek, prompting you to meet his gaze. His eyes are a soft brown, a shade lighter than Joel’s. 
“Hey, you can talk to me. Did he do something to make you feel like that?” 
“N-No,” you slowly shake your head, your pulse throbs under your skin. “I just…I don’t know. It seems like he’s wary of me, like I did something wrong once and he’s expecting it to happen again,” 
He sighs, his palm now fully cradling your cheek. You can’t help but lean into his touch. “That’s just Joel for you. He’s got a fair share of weight on them shoulders—I’m also probably not a big help to him. Always getting into trouble,” 
“I know for a fact that Sarah and Joel love you very much,” you have the need to remind him, and his eyes light up at your words. The skin under his hand burns. “Besides young siblings are always trouble, I would know since I’m the younger one as well. It’s character.” 
He blows a raspberry into the air. His hand falls from your cheek and takes refuge over his lap. “Some character,” he utters under his breath, shooting you a playful gaze. “You want me to talk to him?” 
“Please no,” you laugh, slapping him on the shoulder as you get up. “That would be super embarrassing,” 
“Sometimes you need to tell that stubborn dog to behave,” his voice reaches you in waves, his socked feet following you to the kitchen. You dispose of the boxes, start to prepare him, and you some late-night tea. 
“He is behaving,” you reply, feeling his presence behind you. “I just get into my own head sometimes. Don’t worry about it.” 
Your hands are still above the kitchen counter when you feel his warm breath fanning the back of your neck. You watch his fingers curl around the edge, his chin not quite pressing but lingering a couple of centimeters above your shoulder. 
“Anyone who doesn’t like you is a grade-A idiot, just sayin’” his voice is a low echo in your ear. He’s not physically touching you, but it feels as if his entire being is consuming you by just being so close. The click of the kettle parts the silence. “The water’s done.” 
You’re surprised when you turn and find that there’s actually quite a bit of space between you still. You could’ve sworn that his body was only a breath away. 
Tommy steps closer, caging you between his arms and the kitchen counter. He has a lazy, yet adoring, smile on his face. Your legs start to tremble, a habit you found you did whenever you were in any kind of confrontation. 
Now, there isn’t really anything to confront, so you blame the crackling of tension between you and him. You take a breath and your chest heaves.
You hold your breath when you notice he’s starting to inch closer, gorgeous browns dropping to the flush of your lips. You don’t pull away. But you don’t lean in either. You’re like a deer in headlights, shocked by the sudden beam of brightness. 
“Is this okay?” he asks in a whisper. You swallow, your muddled mind finding it difficult to string the words that might or might not form a coherent sentence. 
Tommy has always been a close friend. A confidant. Someone you can call in the middle of the night with noquestions asked. You know for a fact that he can be a flirt. And this quality of his cheered you up from time to time—like when he calls you beautiful or praises you in any shape or form. But you’re quite not sure you want to breach the limitations of a platonic relationship. 
Suddenly you feel his lips on your cheek, pulling back as quickly as he leaned in, he releases you from the cage and grins at you. 
“Gotcha.” 
“Excuse me?” Your mouth feels like sandpaper and your throat dry. You swallow and watch him sit on a stool across from you. His fingers grip the peaking part of the stool head between his legs, he looks like a toddler. 
“I’m just doing my thing, being a troublemaker. Just like you said,” he hunches forward, eyes looking up to you between dark lashes. “It’s character, right?” 
“Oh fuck off, Tommy Miller,” 
“You know I’m not above accepting that offer, right? It’s been a while.” 
You roll your eyes and turn on the kettle again, the steaming water now probably tepid. 
“What would you do if I actually kissed you?” 
The question lingers in the air and uncomfortably presses into your skin, you lack the air to take a breath. You don’t dare to look at him. Gaze stubbornly watching the button of the kettle to pop, signaling you that the water is boiling. 
“I don’t know Tommy,” you answer honestly and press a palm against the heating surface of the kettle. “I don’t know.” 
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You hate taking out the thrash. 
You don’t know why. When you were a kid, it was your dad who took it out and that would always be accompanied by a series of complaints. His habit of talking to himself and to the inanimate objects around him had passed on to you. The night air chills your skin, a shiver shuddering up your spine while you struggle to keep the trash bag in the air with one hand. Your nails begin to tear the plastic and you start to walk faster. 
“Shit, shit, shit,” you mutter, arm cramping. “Come on, just a little further,” 
When you reach the container, you lift the bag with a heave and do a small little hip wiggle at the small victory. 
Turning around you see Joel watching you with a wide smile. 
You’re stunned into silence, arms and legs tingling at the thought of how stupid you must’ve looked. He’s holding a trashbag of his own. Red flannel accentuating his narrowing hips perfectly. He cocks his head to the side when you continue to stare. 
“Are you always this excited after throwin’ out the thrash?” he asks, humored by your reaction. 
While you think of an answer, he takes wide steps and throws out his own trash. Joel then turns to you, the only thing separating your bodies being the white picket fence. 
“Let’s just say that I was happy it didn’t rip while making the trip,” 
He nods while pressing his hands into his thighs, “A worthy thing to celebrate.” 
You shift from one leg to another. The conversation you had with Tommy the night before echoes in your head worry clouding your chest with the question ‘did Tommy say anything?’.  But you assume not when Joel takes a step back, palms sliding down his jeans like a nervous tick. 
“Well then,” he clears his throat. “See you later neighbor,” 
You lift your hand to wave, an early smile starts to curl over your lips. However, your half-uttered goodbye is cut short by the absurdly loud growl of your stomach. 
Ah fuck. 
Joel stills. Your cheeks and the tips of your ears burn. His eyes drop to your arms that are now wrapped tight around your stomach, then he lifts his gaze back up to meet yours. 
“You wanna join us for dinner?” he asks, he pronounces every word slowly, reminding you of the way you whisper to animals that you don’t want to scare away. “Sarah’s makin’ her special burgers,” 
“Special?” you ask back, ignoring the fact that you’ve become a charity case in a blink of an eye. “What makes them special?” 
Hand sliding into his pockets, Joel gestures with his head for you to come over. 
“Why don’t you come over and see for yourself?” 
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rockleeisbaeeee · 2 months
Text
Tw: angst ig, could be worst. Srry if there’s spelling mistakes.
——
I remember that summer night, when he promised me he wouldn’t forget me, he’d always love me, he’d wait for me.
Lies.
We kept contact for a week. Then nothing, never heard from him again, until.
“Atsumu miya, rookie athlete is now part of the Black Jackals.”
It had been a year since I returned to Japan when I heard it, my career brought me back here, like I knew it would. Like an idiot I texted him for one last time, that I was back, no response, now I know why, he was too busy focused on new people to even remember my name.
——
All those empty words left me forever scarred.
When I was young I dreamed of my happily ever after, getting married to an amazing husband, having kids and growing old together. That dream shattered the moment I saw him with a new girl is his arms on the tv a week later, he denied the relationship rumors, yet the picture was enough to prove that something did happen, he was fooling around while I grieved my shattered dreams, dreams that he was a part of, dreams he promised would become true, he lied.
——
Every day was a monote nightmare, I see him everywhere, my hate for him grows.
My career was taking slow, but firm steps. I always dreamed of being a journalist. I had started within the sports field, thanks to him, since we were supposed to be together, now it’s too late to focus on another field, I enjoyed watching people play though, their passion always made me feel alive. That was what one of the things I liked about him. Now I avoid writing or watching volleyball at all cost. But I knew one day I would have to, that day has come.
“Y/n the boss asks for you,” one of your coworkers said quickly when passing your desk. You went to your boss’s office, having a bad feeling in your gut. You knocked the door and entered, “you called for me sir?” Your boss was looking through some papers looking a bit stressed, “oh yes, you see we’re quite busy and we have no reporters left, I recommended you to the directors and we decided to let you interview the black jackals before their next game,” you froze, you knew you’d have to eventually see him, but never this directly. He wasn’t asking you so there’s no way you could refuse, the opportunity was too good anyways, you’d have to face your fear and see him, it’s fine, you can act as if you don’t remember, even if that was impossible, you could pretend. “Thanks for the opportunity, I’ll do my best.” You said bowing, he dismissed you so you went back to your desk.
I have to face him, there’s no backing out. Would he remember me? Probably not since last time we talked was five years ago, it was a flimsy love you too text, what a bitch. So far he’s acted like I don’t exist, like everything didn’t exist, so I’ll have to do the same.
I’ve gotten some attention in the sports world for my great work, but I doubt he’s ever read it. But that’s fine, the least he knows about me the better.
——
Two weeks later
You woke up, did your routine and went to work.
“Today is the big day! Aren’t you excited??” Lia, your best friend said when approaching your desk, she didn’t know about the thing you had with atsumu, you didn’t want anyone to find out and pity you, “yeah, it’s a great opportunity,” you said with a forced smile, honestly you weren’t feeling good, you felt like you were gonna vomit, but that feeling didn’t let you eat so you probably weren’t going to, “well, I’ll let you prepare, good luck, I know you’ll do good!!” she left to go back to her desk, her positivity got to you, it can’t be that bad, you’re worrying too much, if you just pretend to not know him it’ll be fine, right?
——
You were know standing in front of the gym, the nerves were eating you alive, but there’s nothing you can do now. Breathe, it’ll be fine, he doesn’t remember you. You think to yourself, but oh how wrong you were.
——
I don’t have motivation for part 2 of my oikawa fic so I came up with this, it will become a short series (maybe 3 parts) if anyone wants to be tagged let me know in the comments. Sorry if this feels weird, I made y/n speak in first person when talking to herself, but in third when describing the environment, I hope it’s not confusing 😓
I promise I’ll finish part 2 of the oikawa fic this week and get started with the next part of this one 🙏
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