#there is no point to this post

[fwern]

I adore the morning crew + greater qsmp family dynamic bc it does not matter what standard family dynamics there is (or isn't) and how much it does or does not make sense (i.e: Ramon seeing Tubbo as an older brother but Sunny seeing him as a dad while Sunny and Ramon see one another as siblings) all that matters is they're family <33

[if-loki-was-a-fox]

Grading the organization of each Creator's Secret Life playlist because I got bored (/lighthearted)

(Grading Criteria: they have a playlist, the playlist is complete with all their episodes, the playlist is in chronological order)

ZombieCleo: 3/3 — full playlist, in order

Pearlescentmoon: 3/3 — full playlist, in order

LDshadowlady: 3/3 — full playlist, in order

BdoubleO100: 3/3 — full playlist, in order

Smallishbeans: 3/3 — full playlist, in order

Tango Tek: 3/3 — full playlist, in order

Skizzleman: 3/3 — full playlist, in order

SolidarityGaming: 2/3 — playlist is missing two videos

Mumbo Jumbo: 2/3 — playlist is missing two videos

Impulsesv: 1/3 — playlist is out of order, missing one video

GoodTimesWithScar: 1/3 — playlist is out of order, missing two videos

BigB: 0/3 — doesn't have a playlist

Geminitay: 0/3 — doesn't have a playlist

Dangthatsalongname: 0/3 — doesn't have a playlist

EthosLab: 0/3 — doesn't have a playlist

Grian: 0/3 — doesn't have a playlist

Inthelittlewood: 0/3 — doesn't have a playlist

(Extra Notes: Pearl's playlist actually has 10 videos, with one being hidden/unavailable. Bdubs does not display the numbers of his episodes in the name, I made this a few days ago so there is a chance it is already out of date.)

[floridamanmike]

Jay holding people

*Struggling*

People holding Jay

[elibean]

That alcohol post got me thinkin (this is just personal life rambles)

I was SO SCARED to get drunk the first time lol. Like i knew it was smth i wanted to experience once, but given all i knew abt it was from media and i had never seen anyone in my own life drunk, i was scared. 99% of that fear was me saying my intrusive thoughts out loud. I have really vile, morally reprehensible intrusive thoughts (whatever you’re thinking, likely worse) and was SO SCARED i’d say one of them out loud when drunk. I had no idea how alcohol affects your “filter”, and given all the media i’d seen seemed to portray it as ABSOLUTELY FUCKING DISINTEGRATING, i was terrified. But i still wanted to try it! With the right group of friends i was hopeful itd be ok.

Then i got drunk for the first time and facetimed my mom to tell her, and the friends i was with cracked tf up. Good times

Anyway the moral of the story is the filter, for me anyway, stays entirely in place. It definitely loses some of its edges, but only in the “oh my god i have to tell my friends i love them right now” department and not the “i have to say everything i am thinking” department

Then again i guess it could depend on how drunk you are. I’ve never blacked out or anything but i’ve gotten pretty drunk and still never said anything i regretted…too much, anyway ahaha

[spaceshipkat]

i feel like if i was an actor and some magazine wanted to show me a clip of a scene to get my reaction for some promo video i'd just hit the tv with hammers.

[rockingthegraveyard]

I just ...

the added humiliations of stripping Barbra in ‘The Killing Joke’ and Jason in ‘The Three Jokers’ on top of the already horrible shit he’s doing to them, makes me want to claw my face off. 

[genderqueer-hippie]

Sometimes I get blips of dialogue stuck on a loop in my head like you would a song. Today, while driving to the Amish store (discount groceries fuck yes), about 35 minutes away, I had Patrick Star's little "we're going to the carnival" thing in my head. By the time we arrived I was begging it to stop.

[esamastation]

Death Stranding + treadmill is a winning combination.

[rhubarb-newt]

today was supposed to be like... not necessarily a good day but a day where I could get shit done and feel good about myself

I had 3 errands- to donate my cat's food he's allergic to, sell old clothes at a thrift shop, and pick up my library book

Instead... I left my house this morning already running late, still sleep deprived, and found that not only had someone stolen another one of my yard signs, but they had also literally broken my flag pole (which had my pride flag) off of my house

At the time I was able to take it in stride and got my first errand done, dropped off the cat food before the shelter closed. And then I started feeling vulnerable and I needed to kill time before the thrift shop opened so I went and spent money on a coffee and treat from the queer owned cafe. I walked around the pet store nearby too

Finally I drive over to the thrift store, which is out of my way enough that it's annoying and I've been putting it off for months. But i have a massive bag of old clothes and I'm determined bc I need to get money for these so I can afford to get new clothes again and it'll feel good to finally have them gone

And... I bring in a massive ikea bag of clothes and they take less than half of them. I get roughly $20 in store credit and use half of it on a single pair of jeans. When I walk out they give me back the remaining clothes they didn't buy, and the bag is still heavy enough to feel disappointing

I go to another thrift shop nearby and have to park out of the way, walking a few extra blocks with this bulky bag of clothes, and wait my turn to sell. They also reject everything and send me off with the same amount I walked in with. I stew in the fact that thrift shops are so much pickier than they used to be (these clothes arent in awful condition or anything- they're just used), and also wtf happened to their prices? I can't find anything under $30 here.

Meanwhile, in the background of my mind, I am aware that both of these shops are in a known queer friendly neighborhood in Minneapolis and the cafe was in a known queer friendly neighborhood in St Paul... I'm currently around more queer people than I've seen in one place than I've been in a year, with the exception of pride.

I have yet to find anyone else in my neighborhood, also in the cities proper, who is queer and I have to deal with people ripping my flagpole off my house bc it has a rainbow flag. I work in the suburbs and I'm the only queer+trans person in my office and I spend my days just choking on cishet old fashioned gender norms and surrounded by the smog of it. The isolation has fucked with my mental health in a big way and here I'm just... reminded that me moving to the city to be around more queer people was functionally a waste bc I can't afford to live in The Right Place for a gayborhood.

I don't buy anything from the thrift shop, and I've accepted I won't get anything for these perfectly reasonable used clothes. So I go to goodwill to donate them. This errand was supposed to have one stop and it turned into three, and I'm feeling fairly low at this point. So I go in to buy some shoes bc I only have like 2 functional pairs, and the point of this whole outing was to make money so I could afford new clothes/shoes. So instead of making anything I buy 2 pairs of shoes and spend like $23.

Old clothes are gone and I'm still feeling sour. The plan is to go to the library and go home, but I figure I'm running low on food and will need to grocery shop anyways. More money spent. Finally get my book and head home.

Still stewing when I get home and I know I need to spend more bc one of my pairs of shoes has no laces, and I need a new bracket for my flagpole. But I'm just about done at this point. This isn't the first time people have fucked with my pride stuff and initially my plan was just to replace it over and over but.... honestly after 30 years and having worked so hard to have my place, I dont have patience for letting other people ruin it.

So I bought some barbed wire to put on my flagpole and yard signs, for the next asshole who thinks they can just grab it.

And like. I stand by this decision. I stand by all my spent money today as a correct decision... but now my budget is entirely thrown off and I won't get a meaningful paycheck for 2 weeks and I'm just sitting here in shame honestly. I need to save money, need to get back to where I was before having to get my car back in April.

But honestly my life is just so full of garbage right now. Like just today's events don't even get into the half of it and I can pay bills but not much more. And ffs I don't feel like a person anymore. I don't feel like I can afford to be a person bc doing anything costs money. And I've been doing this so long and it's all completely by myself with no one to back me up and no additional income in sight and it isn't fucking fair.

There's no actual point to this post but I'm so. So tired of needing to be perfect all the time and life just grinding me to a fine pulp regardless. I'm tired of being punished for trying to take care of myself. I'm tired of being completely alone with no support and a mental health state that I can't remember having since I was closeted in high school.

I still feel like such a failure and I don't know what to do.

[homie-koyomi]

Eating cup ramen everyday while probably not the most nutritious meal imaginable, has done wonders for getting me to actually eat a lunch daily. And I've gotten pretty proficient with using chopsticks for thin noodles now. Although I'm still not really convinced I'm using them properly, or maybe I just have weak wrists. (Probable) Since I don't think it's supposed to hurt lol

[thymejot]

There is something about Robbie Daymonds performance of the Nine Eyes of Lucian.I'm not sure whether it was intentional, it just gives me such Disco Elysium vibes.

The Somnovem speak, the nine philosophers while aligned in returning to Aeor represent different aspects of self. Ruthlessness, playful, cruelly kind, manipulative and so on.

Just hits like Shivers, Half-light, Electrochemistry or Drama. Maybe it's just because I replayed the game just before the book came out.

I enjoyed it, the total loss of self Lucian experienced. The choices Molly made haunting him in his final moments.

Just gives me a weird mix of crit role meets disco elysium, delightful and heart wrenching all at once.

Though I am sad we didn't get a molly section, it kinda works better without it. If someone were to read it having never watched critical role it would make for a more interesting read.

Though I wish Mollys presence had wormed its way in a little bit sooner with a touch more horror. After all Molly ended up being the worm slowly consuming the fruit from the inside.

[small-jar]

I love listening to podcasts. Especially at night. Like i was just crocheting and and listening to an episode of this new show ohh boy I just stopped for a minute to really listen and there was this little moment between the characters. How they interact with each other made me feel for both of them. One cold and logical the other wanting trust and dose things based on love. I can fit into both of these characters shoes. But when I tell you that the podcast is like any story podcast that has an INSANE plot when OSCAR ISAAC VOICES ONE OF THE MAIN CHARACTERS WHOM IS A TIME TRAVELER SENT BACK IN TIME TO STOP A WOLRD ENDING PANDEMIC and the the other character is a psychologist/therapist who doesn't believe him until he tells her about a memory another her dead husband.

Like all podcast are like that make you feel immensely for these characters but then you remember that they are in stories that tv producers would touch with a ten foot poll bc it isn't "Marketable"

[sophieisntthatcool]

I love watching early shifting videos it's so funny how absurd the advice and the misinformation was like one time someone said that if your cc ever tried to shift they would EXPLODE??!?1 and that one shifting tip that was like "talk to your water bottle and drink it and you will shift" or some shit like that

[lunarlegend]

thinkin about that realistic render of Ignis where he looks like a 40 year old man who wants to kill someone, and in my brain i'm still like "but he's so cute?? he's so precious, look at him he is probably thinkin about recipes"

[sussyactivity]

My throat is throbbing with unbearable pain and I wanna cry so damn bad into a pillow but crying hurts my throat a shit ton but hi guys!

[takeariskao3]

my favorite tag is “not cursed child compliant” even if nothing in my fic directly contradicts cursed child. i just want people to know i hate it that much