#there was never a producer that just hit THE spot for me on music

[crystalandparrot]

ROTTMNT x Reader

Part 1, Part 2

The flashing of cameras and the voices of reporters was the first thing Leonardo heard as he stepped out of his limo. Due to the long plane ride, Leo decided to wear comfort over fashion, although it's hard for him to look bad in anything. He wore a white wife-beater, revealing his plastron and tattooed arms. Much like his brother, Leonardo loved art, he just loved it in a more show-off sense. Of course, he let his brother give him his first tattoo, a large colored portrait of their family on his thigh. On his legs were blue sweats, a personal favorite that his agent always advised him not to wear. Expensive shoes designed for him specifically adorned his feet. Finally, silver chains decorated his wrists and neck (he would have chosen gold, but his brother advised against it. C'mon, blue and gold?), glistening with each movement. He flashed a smirk at the cameras and gave finger guns at fans. One of his bodyguards leaned close to whisper in his ear, "You have a meeting with the executive producers in thirty minutes."

"Which means I get at least twenty-eight minutes to strut my stuff." Leo chuckled. With split-second motions, Leo changed between poses, performing for the camera.

"-mask!"

Leo turned and stared into the crowd, "W-Who said that?" The crowd parted as if making way for a royal or God to walk without interruption. A small woman with a microphone in her hand shook as Leo approached. "Just now, you said something, what was it?"

The small girl stuttered, "I asked i-if you could put on y-your mask. F-for a picture for Channel 10?"

Leo's heart dropped, and his breathing quickened. A pat on his shoulder shook him out of his mini panic attack. He nodded thanks at his bodyguard and gave the reporter a quick grin, " I don't even know where that old thing went! It's been, what, psshh, five years? It's probably shoved in a box somewhere." That satiated the hungry reporters and fans, for now. Leo and his bodyguard left, heading off to the large building behind the crowd.

Okay, first things first. You don't know the old password so you can't change it to one you'll remember. So you changed the screen dimming time to never. Now the phone won't shut off on its own. Dialing your number, you called about three times with no answer. A sudden thought crosses your mind, causing your palm to hit your face. Your phone was on silent. Taking a deep breath, you quickly texted your number, explaining the situation and the password to unlock your phone. That way the turtle Yokai won't be as clueless as you are now.

With nothing else to do, you connected your headphones to the turtle's phone and searched for Spotify. It was his fault, the least he could do was spare some tunes. Wait a minute...his Spotify account...this dude was Othello Von Ryan? Man, you couldn't wait to see him again. His studying playlists kept you awake and alert through college! His barrage of random music, ranging from 80's dancing music to hardcore techno kept your mind alert and focused. Donnie, or, Othello Von Ryan, helped you with memory. Oddly enough, some of the quirky tunes in his playlists gave you memorization songs.

In fact, now that you think about it, Donnie looked an awful lot like your favorite actor--

"(Y/n)! Come in, dear! I've been expecting you!" A shrill voice called from across the street.

You looked up, spotting Mrs. Erin, the Heron Yokai. You grinned, pulling your headphones out of your ears and shoving them in your pocket. You waved at the Yokai as you crossed the street, stepping into her swampy garden. "How's your husband, Mrs. Erin?"

"Oh, Harry's fine! Come in! Come in! Let me get you a cup of tea." The old Yokai hobbled inside, her talons dragging across the waterlogged wood. You followed behind closely, used to the drab environment. You learned throughout life that the more you understand how something came to be, the more beautiful it becomes. With a clap from you, the twinkling string of lights came on. It's warm glow bouncing off the waxy leaves that broke through the cracked windows. Dew drops fell onto the wet floor, filling the room with quiet plip plaps.

A chipped cup of lukewarm tea was placed in your hand. A feathery hand pushed you down onto an old rocking chair, the owner of the hand sitting down across from you. "I want you to tell me all about this new job!" Erin grinned with a toothless smile.

"It's just a small librarian job at the school up top." You said, sipping your tea.

"Up top! With all those-those monsters?" Erin screeched.

"They're not all monsters! Some of them—"

"(Y/n). When your mother died I promised your father I'd make sure that you were safe! W-wouldn't you rather stay home? Marry a nice Yokai and settle down?" Erin tottered closer to you and grabbed your hands.

You chuckled, "I'm not exactly looking for someone to settle down with yet. I'm ready to get out there and explore! Besides, I can protect myself!" You said, proudly.

"E-even with all the humans?" Erin stuttered.

You blinked at Erin, your face neutral, "Mrs. Erin. I'm human."

"I know! B-but you're one of the good ones! I'd hate for you to go up top where I won't know what happened—Oh!" The old Yokai snatched the cup of tea from your hands and peered into the old china. She glared at the leaves and swirled the remaining liquid in the cup. With a gasp that jostled your core, Erin’s beak stretched into a long smile. She breathed a sigh of relief and set down the cup. “I was worried for nothing. You’re going to fall in love and get married to a nice, young, handsome Yokai.”

You shook your head, yet a smile still sat on your cheeks, “Maybe in a couple of years, Mrs. Erin. I’m not in any rush to get married to anyone right now.”

“Oh, I’m sure!” The Heron chuckled like she knew something you didn’t. Without warning, she began pushing you out of the house. “Okay, bye-bye now! The quicker you go up top the faster you fall in love!” With that, the door was slammed in your face, the sound echoing through the marshy area.

“Love you too.” You said flatly. You pulled the mystery phone back out of your pocket and put in your earbuds again. When you clicked onto Spotify, a notification popped up.

“Leonardo Hamato back in NYC for upcoming movie shoot, exclusive interview from Channel 10.”

Huh. How weird would it be if you ran into your favorite actor while after just moving back up top? Probably entirely impossible, but it was nice to hope, right?

"Shoved in a box?! Did you hear him?"

"I did."

"Shoved in a box?! Ugh! He's just so—"

"Annoying, pompous, overconfident, lacking in empathy, ass-like?"

Mikey turned to Donnie, his hair falling into his face as his head whipped around. "I was gonna say stupid, but yeah, those work too." Mikey nodded, turning back to the T.V, seeing the reporters final words to the camera once Leo left the cameras view.

Donnie felt himself N.E., which stood for Nose Exhale. Mikey learned that phrase years ago and thought it was more fitting than L.O.L for his emotionally unavailable brother. While it was rare for Donnie to "laugh out loud", when he found something humorous, he always let out a little breath of a chuckle through his nose.

"I just...out of everything he could have done...why'd he have to take away the one thing that..."

When Mikey paused, Donnie looked up from his purple holographic screens that he had been typing on. He saw Mikey looking at the screen sadly, and he knew it wasn't from the sad dog commercial that came on, but the interview that came before it. "That what, Michael?" Donnie asked, the screens disappearing.

"Nothing, it's stupid," Mikey sniffed, wiping his eyes before tears could escape.

"Leo is stupid, you're emotionally intelligent. You obviously have a reason to feel what you feel. You're not stupid for feeling emotions, Michelangelo." Donnie used his full name with the intention of leaving an impact.

Mikey chuckled and turned to Donnie, tears running down his smiling face, "Thanks, D."

Donnie nodded and sat up in his bean bag (yes it was his, the purple color made it obvious), "I may have taken a page or two from Dr. Delicate Touch," he shrugged.

"Nah, that was Dr. Feelings for sure," Mikey joked, knowing his brother was rather uncomfortable with feelings, but to be fair, he had gotten a lot better. Realizing this, Mikey sighed. Donnie appreciated honesty over anything, so this was something he needed to get off his chest, for his sake and his brother's. "Dad always called us by the color of our masks. Red, Orange, Purple...but Leo's not wearing his anymore. It's like he disowned us...he's not Blue anymore." Mikey began tucking his head and limbs into his shell with every word. By the end of his sentence, only his shell was visible sitting in front of the empty recliner.

This time Donnie sighed, he stood and gripped the purple beanbag so it stayed comfortably on his rear while he shuffled towards his brother. Letting gravity help him, Donnie let himself and the beanbag fall to the ground. He wiggled slightly and hummed, pleased at the fact that his position hadn't changed and the beanbag was still holding his shell and rear perfectly. Using his hand, he hesitantly patted Mikey's shell in comfort. "Leonardo's done some idiotic things in the past. I'd put this in his top ten, actually." Donnie thought aloud, but shook his head, remembering his original point, "He’s a dumb-dumb but, unfortunately, he'll never stop being our brother."

Mikey poked his head out, looking in Donnie's eyes for...something. A lie? Hope? Donnie didn't know, but whatever he found, he liked it, because the next moment, Mikey had his head and limbs out. He outstretched his arms, but didn't move aside from that. Donnie rolled his eyes, although a small smile poked at his lips. With a nod from Donnie, Mikey jumped onto him, giving him the tightest hug that he thought he'd ever received. Donnie hugged back.

Thankfully for Donnie, Mikey understood boundaries, and separated from Donnie before the hug got too overwhelming. Sloppily wiping his tears and sucking up his snot, Mikey gave Donnie a sincere smile. "Thanks, Don."

Donnie nodded, a small smile on his own lips. Out of his battle shell came a robotic arm holding a tissue. Mikey took the tissue and blew his nose as the robotic arm retracted back into the shell. "Hey-"

"I would prefer if you finished blowing your nose before you change the subject, please." Donnie asked, pulling up his holographic screens once more with the help of his Ninpō.

Mikey obeyed, then tossed the tissue into the trashcan on the other side of the room. When it landed, Mikey pumped his fist in a silent cheer. "What happened at the Mystic City? We were chasing Meat Sweats and you stopped to talk to some girl." Mikey remembered.

"Oh, yeah. Raph was texting about meeting for dinner, so I naturally opened my messages to form a reply, when—" Donnie pulled out his phone to show Mikey the texts when he immediately felt something amiss. The case was the same, the weight was equal to his phone, the model was the exact same, everything looked fine. But this is Donnie, he lost his phone for less than a day and went nearly insane when he was still a teenager. Give him a week and he might've made a phone from just things in the woods. He knew everything about his phone.

"Donnie?" Mikey called, noticing his brother's sudden silence.

Shakily, Donnie turned over the phone, noticing the background first, then the surplus of texts and calls from his phone number. He whispered something too quiet for Mikey to hear.

"What?" Mikey asked, putting his hand up to the side of his head where his ear would have been.

"This. Isn't. My. Phone."

[sleep-nurse]

i wanna listen to zeroh for the first time but idk what song to pick, any suggestions?

RED CARNIVALok i do recommend that song because it's my favourite but like, i think his newest song is a good introduction (and i think it's nicer to the ears because most of his music is loud and scratchy), but if you want some of my faves here's a list _붉은_카니발 dear diva 天死 あの時が来るまで 꿈_뿐인_재회_. ∞ 조명 핑크빛 인생은 전부_제_탓입니다. 精神の生死 (his utau!!!!!!!) ..--..

he also made remixes from songs, my faves are aisusaido, uminaoshi and sowaka no koe!!!

i have a lot of other songs that i like but those are the ones i can recommend, obviously be warned for the previously mentioned loud and scratchy music and flashing lights (though the music doesn't seem to be loud on youtube)

i hope the links didn't screw up because tumblr but. if they did you can find them on his channel

[petpenname]

Heartache

pairing: Ellie Williams [brother's best friend] x fem reader c.w. : smoking summary: you have had your eyes on your brother's best friend and band member forever, but you'd never think she would actually talk to you? a/n: this was a submission + I'll make more parts if it gets a good response!

The air in your room hangs heavy with humidity. A slight breeze from your open window blows through, fluttering your various posters and decor hanging on your walls. And over you, sprawled across your bed, flipping through social media, you were honestly bored out of your mind. Three weeks into summer and your closest friend was away for vacation, leaving you alone… and bored.

Cycling through your socials again you get fed up with the lack of entertainment and toss your phone on the floor with an exacerbated sigh. You lay on your bed, wondering what you should do to fill the void of dopamine when the sound of music begins to fill the house. A mixture of rock, indie, and midwest emo songs rang out from your garage, conveniently positioned directly under your room. 

Your brother's band got around to practicing, you assumed. You didn’t even realize your brother was home, he had gone out earlier this morning after your parents left for work. The music got louder and you suddenly had an idea of what you wanted to do, and it wasn't staying here and listening to your brother's shitty garage band. You gather your sketchbook, some pens, headphones, and a few other things into a bag, throw on a hoodie and a pair of shoes and head downstairs. You were headed to a river spot in the woods near your house. It was a commonly frequented spot by you, and your friends but not known to many. Perfect for a little seclusion and wading in cool water. 

You walk down stairs and almost instantly are hit with the strong earthy smell of smoke. You linger for a second and decide that your trip would be improved with a joint, hoping your brother would front you something, you enter the loud garage. 

Your brother and his band mates, all two of them, were unaware of your entrance. They were playing as loud as possible (maybe not as well as possible) but they were producing sound! Your brother slamming away on the drums while the guitarist, and bassist/singer were in their own worlds. 

“Hey!” you yell over the trio.

“HEY KAI!” You shout once more at your brother. Who, without skipping a beat or stopping, yells back.

“WHAT DO YOU WANT?” 

This got the attention of the other two band members who did stop upon seeing you standing there, amps silencing to white noise feedback. 

“Can I get a joint?” you ask.

“You got money for a joint?” Kai laughs.

“Can you just front me one?” you reply back flatly

“Why should I?” 

“If you give me one I wont tell mom you were smoking in the house again.” You counter. 

“It’s the garage so technically not the house and whatever you know they wont do anything”

“She can have one of mine?” a voice sparks up behind Kai, drawing your attention to the guitarist. A girl named Ellie. She and Kai had been longtime friends and bandmates. You barely knew anything about her other than she was in Kai’s grade, one above yours, but you knew her. You knew her eye color, her favorite flannel she wore a little too often. You knew she got a new guitar last year, and a fresh tattoo this year that shined under the garage light as she held up a joint in your direction.  

You also knew that this was one of the only times she had ever spoken to you. Not like you were around each other often but you almost felt like she would try to avoid you when she was over. Shocked, but with adrenaline pumping you took your chance, walking over to Ellie. She still had her guitar hanging around her, flannel sleeves rolled up, her hair was a bit disheveled from playing, strands falling out of her half up hair do.

She hands you the joint with a sideways smile, and her eyes glint a bit.

“Thanks, you’re so much nicer than my brother” you scoff, giving her a smile back. You turn to leave, flipping off Kai as you bound out the door, leaving the band members commotion in the garage. Not seeing Kai chuck a drumstick at Ellie who dodges it with a laugh. 

The success of getting a joint over shined the butterflies fluttering in your stomach from that look she gave you. The sun hit your face as you got outside and you were only looking forward to your solo date in the forest.

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------

The sun was setting slowly, but from where you were in the woods shade had taken over your spot. You had smoked, worked on your art, and walked along the water looking for rocks. Hanging out in the forest for a few hours always rejuvenated you in a way you couldn’t explain. But you started to get cold and decided now was a good time to head home. While packing up you realized you had pretty bad cotton mouth from the joint, so you planned to stop by the corner store. 

It wasn’t a long walk but by the time you got to the corner store it was dusk. Street lights started sparking up like stars in the night sky. You opened the glass door and walked in, perusing the aisles for any snack or drink that could satiate your munchies. You were contemplating between an iced tea or a soda when the doorbell rang as someone walked in the store. You barely noticed the bell, or the girl walking up behind you until she spoke.

“Did you enjoy your smoke?” 

You jump, previously lost in your thoughts, you turn around to see Ellie standing there. She was wearing a hoodie now, her guitar in its case strapped to her back.

“Oh my god you scared me!” you say, almost dropping the bottles in your hands.

“Sorry! Didn't mean to!” Ellie laughs, moving around you to open the fridge door next to you and grab a coke. “Funny running into you here” she says, a little awkward you note.

“I mean my house is only a few blocks away,” you laugh. 

“Mm ya i guess so, you getting both of those?” Ellie looks down at the bottles in your hand.

“Oh um, I'm getting this one.” you hold up the iced tea & go to put back the soda. Before you could think Ellie takes the iced tea from your hand and starts walking towards the front of the store.

“Hey wait!” you look at her confused.

“Oh do you want something else princess?” Ellie turns back to look at you with a smirk.

Sparks ignite in your stomach, confused but now flustered, your mind swirling. You finally get a word out, “no, just that” and Ellie turns back to walk towards the cash register. 

You follow her, not really knowing what to do or how to act. Ellie and you had barely spoken to each other before this. And now she's acting so casually around you, and what did she call you? Everything happened so fast you barely caught it but reflecting back now, did she call you princess?

Ellie pays for the two drinks and you walk out together, taking your ice tea from her once outside. 

“Thank you, you didn't have to do that” you say, unscrewing the top and taking a refreshing sip.

“Don't mention it” Ellie says, “So are you going back home now?”

“Mhm yeah, what about you?”

“Yeah I was, but it's getting dark now, i’ll walk you back home first” Ellie says with a smile. 

“Who said chivalry was dead” you joke, it was a nice gesture, as much as you were confused by Ellie’s sudden intentions you couldn’t help but feel a type of way when she looked at you. Her green eyes danced over your face like she was memorizing your features. You wondered if she always looked at you this way?

She had. Ellie for the past few years had been keeping such a distance from you because when you were around she felt her whole body tense up. She felt like she was on fire if you looked in her direction. And god help her if she tried to speak around you, she ended up tripping over her words and losing her train of thought. Truthfully, she didn't know what magical queer fairy blessed her with the confidence to talk to you today. But she had taken in a chance earlier in the garage, and when she saw you in the store she knew it wasn't a coincidence. 

The walk back to your house was short, only a few blocks. You and Ellie joke together and talk about summer plans in the meantime. Both of you slightly high still, making your balance shifty, occasionally you would brush shoulders, sending sparks down each other's spines. 

When you get to your house you stop at the walk way, a little awkwardly since you knew Ellie had been in your house before. 

“Thanks for walking me home! And buying me this, um and the joint '' you say, taking in all of Ellie’s courtesy today, a little unsure what to do with yourself.

“Any time!” Ellie says with a smile, she fidgets where she stands for a second before reaching her hand up to your face. She tucks a small strand of hair behind your ear, without breaking eye contact.

“Have a good night y/n” and with that she turns around and walks away, putting up her hood. 

She left you solidified on the sidewalk, body unmoving but nerves on fire with a simple touch. You float for the next hour or so, barely registering going into your house and up to your room. Trying to make sense of what had just happened, and why now? And why so suddenly?

Later that night you receive a notification on Instagram

* @www.ellie followed you *

[chrollohearttags]

little miss pressure • armin artlert

armin was notorious for his wild ways and sexscapades but ends up meeting his match in the form of a girl he’d never expect. And it leaves the notorious playboy stuck on his new fixation.

plus size black reader, (y/n) works in the adult entertainment industry, alcohol and weed use, armin and reader are some FREAKS, reader is very hyper sexual and tbh a bad bitch 😝 (this is nasty, I apologize in advance!)

════ ⋆★⋆ ════ ════ ⋆★⋆ ════ ════

producer!armin has always been a man synonymous with a less than savory lifestyle. Sex, drugs, fame and glory..it was all he ever desired. To live each day as if it were his last and let the consequences happen as they may. His vices were those every other music industry maestro that got into it for all the wrong..and selfish reasons. Especially when it came to women, which may have been his greatest weakness.

Switching them out like his latest pair of Amiris or his brand new Audemars. Picking them up at every illustrious strip club or his infamous house parties..working his way through a ten mile long roster of girls. Comprised of every bachelorette (and sometimes others wives) this side of South Beach. He didn’t care about what followed or if he hurt their feelings. All he wanted was his one night and a good nut. After that, what they did was none of his concern. And hell, with his good looks, he could get away with just about anything. Until you came along…until (y/n) showed up at one of his little soirées. Invited by a friend of a friend, who had spoken all about the engineer and all his antics. About the hits he’s produced, his track record and extremely high body count. Something that didn’t particularly off put you, seeing as how promiscuity was your entire profession. You were an upcoming adult film star, taking the internet and nsfw spaces by storm. A brick house of a woman who didn’t mind flaunting that beautiful body and working it in ways that many wish they could. Sex with you had been described a ‘spiritual experience’ by many. From the incredible head game to the pussy that had gotten many of your bills paid. A month after working with a couple of creators and collaborating with a few porn production companies, it all took off. Your OnlyFans was jumping and everyone wanted a taste of the newest BBW on the scene. And tonight, you were out prowling for some trouble to get into. You had your fair share of good hookups but you needed the man that was going to give you the type of dick that would change your life. It came not a moment too soon when you got some alone time with Mr. Artlert. Trust, he was more than well aware of your reputation and he wanted to see if it preceded you. And the feeling was mutual..

seeing as how you had only ever spotted him with skinny model types and BBL bodies..not that anything was wrong with it but you were a bit skeptical. Not questioning if you could pull him or anything but if he could truly handle you! Would he truly be worth the hype. But after downing a few daiquiris; making subtle eye contact from the room, he’d approach you with that signature smug look on his face, flashing you a toothy grin and boldly greeting you with a hug. “Yeah, (friend name) told me all about you..it’s very, very nice to meet you, miss (y/n). So glad you made it out.” Sealing it with a classic peck to the back of your hand..by the look on his face, he was more than likely assuming that you’d be easy pickings. Insecure and lacking self esteem as a bigger woman. That you’d be happy that someone like him was even looking in your direction. But was he sorely mistaken! Especially when hours later, after chatting you up the whole night and once the rest of his guests had gone home..he got you up to his bedroom and out of that designer on your body. “Are the rumors true, sweetheart?” “Find out for yourself if you’re man enough.” All it took was a shared spliff and a little more liquor before you had him spread across his own bed, toes curling midair as he released loud screams. “Ohhhhh fuck! (Y/N)…goddamn.” Howling from the head he received..engulfing all eight and a half inches of that veiny girth as if you lacked a gag reflex of any sort. “Yeah, fuck this throat. Don’t play with me.” Emitting strings of spit and covering that cock in it. Flicking your tongue around his sack and momentarily over his asshole. All while jerking him off. Never in his life had he had a bitch so nasty and he loved it! God, he loved how you abandoned every bit of your morals in the bedroom. Making his nut from sucking his dick when no one woman had ever done so before. “They weren’t lying, huh?” “Told you..”

but he was no minute man himself. See, after getting slurped up like that, he had to a little something to prove..and he’d do so by devouring your pussy while he ushered you atop his mouth. “Don’t look at me like that, sit the fuck down, baby. I can take it.” Assured in his abilities and absolutely infatuated with your flavor…moaning as he inhaled your scent and flicked his tongue all over your clit. Kneading his hands into that thick ass and hips, even prompting you to bounce up and down on his face. Causing a collision with those heavy cheeks. “Yes! Right there…oh God..” drawing out high pitched wails from your sore throat and sweet juices from that tightness. Coating his entire chest in your squirt. And from there, he couldn’t let up off of you. At least not until he pinned those legs back and put that dick stomach deep. “Wet this dick up then since it’s like that.” With those substances coursing your systems, it brought forth an even nastier side for both of you..if that were even possible! “Ion think you’ll leave me alone if I do.” Your feet plastered to the headboard as he pounded you relentlessly. “This pussy so fucking good!…” cracking only a few minutes and strokes in because he had never felt it this wet and gushy before. It was like being encompassed and coddled in a warm blanket that nestled his dick as if were made especially for him. Folding you into a mating press and having to bare all of his body weight just to reign you in. His one hundred seventy pounds in comparison to your nearly three hundred. He had piped many women in his young life but you were the true definition of pressure. Making loud smacking noises from the slick dribbling from that plump cunt. The fatter the pussy, the wetter and he was learning first hand. Burrowed over your face and feeding you slow, sloppy kisses, along with tons of slaps and spit..another first for the philandering bachelor. He didn’t want to leave it if he were being frank.

“Yeah, beat that motherfucker up, daddy. Keep going!” Reaching down to massage your bud with those coffin shaped claws as you glared into his eyes and done something that would truly drive him insane. “F—fuck! Squeezing me like that..gonna make me nut all in your shit.” Throbbing and fully swollen inside of you. Posing the statement like a threat but that was exactly what you were hoping for! And when he couldn’t control himself another moment, you found yourself filled to the brim and with a heavy slap to your ass, he’d command you all fours where he all but shoved his face between your cheeks, eating you out once more because he loved drinking it in. Shortly after, stuffing your other hole with a thumb and your pussy full of his still erect cock. Placing a foot on your head, beating your shit in and making you arch your back. That ass moving like water nearly drove him insane. The best backshots he’s ever given. And after rounds and rounds of fucking each other senseless..all for footage for your page, the producer was all but unconsciousness from exhaustion. Housing his entire load into your womb without so much as a second thought. He was sure to be sleeping peacefully, even telling you that you could spend the night. Words he had never uttered prior. Knowing that you had gotten him hooked and it surely wouldn’t be the last you’d be seeing of Armin Artlert. But for now..you’d gotten what you came for..

and you’d be gone before the sun could rise.

@lusts1ck 🫶🏾

[imaginesig]

“If they call me a slut, you know it might be worth if for once”

Lewis Hamilton x singer!reader

yourusername

liked by lewishamilton, user1, y/nhq, and 402,038 others

yourusername: my muse <3

tagged lewishamilton

lewishamilton its an honor love

user1 when will I find someone to call me love

lando.jpg your own jpg account when??

yourusername I'll stick to my day job

user2 anybody else bothered by how quickly she goes from man to man

user3 right? like I swear she's had about 7 "muses" in the past 3 years

user4 she's literally done nothing wrong?? how dare a women date more than 1 person in her life??

carlossainz55 so new music when?

Charles_leclerc the Ferrari playlist needs an update

yourusername update loading 🔄

user5 oh please be a new album!!

load more

lewishamilton

liked by roscoovescoco, yourusername, user6, and 183,829 others

lewishamilton: race weekend with my loves

tagged: mercadesamgf1, roscoelovescoco, yourusername

landonorris interesting order

yourusername we all know Roscoe is the real star here

roscoelovescoco listen to the lady 🙌

mercadesmhf1 we love having the Hamilton family in the paddock

yourusername ahhh love to be there!!

lewishamilton 💚

georgerussell63 always a good time with these two in the house

yourusername ahhhh Georgie 🫶🫶

user1 "Georgie" 🥹😭

Load more

tmz_offical

liked by user9, user1, user3, and 937,273 others

tmz_offical: just days after the end of the season, f1 driver Lewis Hamilton is spotted out with young girlfriend Y/n L/n. The couple is notorious for keeping their privacy, making paparazzi pictures a rare instance. Click the link in our bio to see what else was taken during their night out on the town.

tagged lewishamilton, yourusername

user1 no wonder they keep private, I would too if ended up trapped in a relationship with a slut like her

user2 didn't she and Dylan O'Brian break up right before they got together? Didn't think he rebound guy would last this long

user3 I could never imagine dating someone that much older than me

user4 fr someone tell her to take it down a notch, her sluttiness is showing

User8 the one sided hate is mid boggling

user5 the negativity is DEFINING

user6 right, y'all can't stand to see a women happy, healthy, and unbothered

load more

y/nupdates

liked by lewishamilton, user5, user9, and 749,934 more

y/nupdates: Y/n seen outside the studio with her producer after radio silence all winter!!

tagged yourusername

user1 she's cooking

user2 she's entering her reputation era I can feel it

user3 fr, after that one tmz post blows up and her comments are flooded with negativity, she locked herself away with her love, and is now seen for the first time in awhile leaving the studio

user4 I CANT HANDLE THIS RN

user5 not the slut trying for a comeback

user6 how about you lead by example? Leave and don't come back 🫶

user8 you know the records gonna slap when @/producer sprinkled her magic

user9 I need them and Taylor+Jack to release something

load more

yourusername

liked by user5, lewishamilton, y/nhq, and 394,028 others

yourusername: "Slut!" out now on all streaming platforms!! The rest of the album, "Amor Omnia Vincit" out this Friday!

when I originally sat down to create this new album I didn't image I'd write half the songs that made the final cut, but I did. This has been a very therapeutic experience for me.

Thank you to this album, my amazing team, and my lovely muse for keeping me going in the difficult time <3

tagged: y/nhq

lewishamilton you are so Shawn Hunter coded

lewishamilton I love you dear

yourusername I love you too darling

user1 they are so domestic I'm crying 🤭😭

user2 lets all start a thread of our fav lyrics from "Slut!"

user3 "if I'm all dressed up, they might as well be looking at us" WE KNOW THIS COUPLE ALWAYS BRING FIRE FITS

user4 very obvious but "if they call me a slut, you know it might be worth it for once," just hits so hard, like this is an issue she's dealt with for so long but Lewis makes it all better bc their relationship trumps everything

user5 piggy backing off of @/user4 's reasoning, "the sticks and stones they throw froze mid air"

user6 "IN A WORLD OF BOYS HES A GENTLEMAN" 🔛🔝

user7 I'm still not very her admitting that all the negavity around her dating has affected her so bad that she told Lewis "I said it might blow up in your pretty face"

scuderiaferarri we will not apologize for the people we'll become when this drops ‼️

Charles_leclerc we've always been #1 y/n stans

lewishamilton you red fuckers can take two steps back that's my title

carlossainz55 I thought you were her muse?

lewishamilton I'm both

user8 ok possessive king

youruserame for me and me only 🥰

load more

lewishamilton

liked by georgerussell64, your username, user1, and 789,739 others

lewishamilton: SO, SO, SO PROUD OF YOU LOVE!! Watching you work through a rough patch with such grace was beautiful. Thank you for allowing me to be apart of it and listen to these songs+more. I'll be your muse forever if you'll have me <3

tagged yourusername, y/nhq

yourusername forever and always <3

lewishamilton <3

user1 that water look very ~aquamarine~ to anyone

user2 he def knew what he was doing

lewishamilton I had a message to send 🤷🏾‍♂️

user2 LMAOOO HES SO PETTY

yourusername sassy man epidemic isn't a joke

user3 I love that she left like people wanted and wrote a whole song to shut down the hater but also put her and Lewis's relationship on the pedestal it deserves

producer such a sweet album!! Some of the best love songs out there!!

Charles_leclerc Vigilante Shit is my new pre-prix anthem

yourusername watch out @/maxverstappen1

maxverstappen this is where the dutch anthem falls silent 😔

carlossainz55 wasn't ready for Dress

yourusername but...

carlossainz55 its my fav

user4 I love that lewis posted for the whole album when Y/n didn't, but she's replying to comments in his section when he isn't

user5 they really are made for each other huh

roscoelovescoco amazing work mom!!

user5 I will never get over the mom

load more

yourusername

liked by landonorris, Charles_leclerc, user5, and 937,039 others

yourusername: surprise!! Since this album taught me what it was like to write and create in such an intamate space with very few people/outide influence I wanted to celebrate it with 3 small shows in Monaco, London, and Ottawa!

tickets on sale at 12 pm eastern this friday, see ya then ;)

tagged y/nhq

landonorris do friends get discounts??

yourusername everyone on the grid plus any serious significant others get VIP entry courtesy of me and my team 💖😘

y/nhq we'll be reaching out soon to select the show

lilymhe you don't understand how excited this makes me!!

yourusername well I couldn’t celebrate without my girls (and their men too ig 🙄🤚)

oscarpiastri thanks a lot y/n

alexalbon anybody else feeling loved??

lewishamilton completely 🫶

user1 this will start world war 3 I can feel it

user2 this is the eras tour all over again

user3 except that was selling stadiums, these are small venues

user4 any f1 driver want to link up for a show?? you'll never have to speak to me ever again

user5 I regret to inform you babe, but I think this is the reason she said serious significant others...

user6 official tour soon?? Please mother??

yourusername oh so very soon...

load more

lewishamilton

liked by your username, georgerussel64, landonorris, and 379,268 others

lewishamilton "got lovestruck went straight to my head" <3

tagged yourusername

user1 crying throwing up

user2 quoting her song?? that's about him?? I'll be resting my eyes on the highway if anybody needs me

user3 my toaster looks like a fun bath bomb

yourusername "got lovesick all over my bed" <3

landonorris beautiful show, beautiful couple 🧡

yourusername 🧡

scuderiaferrari maybe we're colorblind but that doesn't look like Mercedes green

mercadesamgf1 watch your back

georgerussell64 👀

georgerussell64 slayed so hard

yourusername an honor from the meme king?? I'm not worthy

load more

yourusername

liked by Charles_leclerc, user9, lewishamilton, and 930,393 others

yourusername thank you to everyone who came out to a show this weekend!! I had a blast sining new stuff, covers, and old pieces with you all- the love I experienced was unreal!! I cannot wait to see what happens in the future 💖

To all those close to me, our relationships mean the absolute world!! Special love to Lewis who held my hand through my darkest time, showed me what a true relationship was, and gave me a perfect little boy (I love you Roscoe). Darling, its been a wonderful experience being with you <3

tagged y/nhq, landojpg

lewishamilton love you so much angel <3

georgerussell64 definitely gave me and Carmen the night of our lives!!

alexalbon the show was so amazing I almost forgot you flirted with my gf in the invitation

yourusername stay mad

lilymhe 🥵

Roscoelovescoco can I come next time??

yourusername I'll see what I can do...

landjpg thank you for photo creddits and well as the opportunity to photograph these unique shows

yourusername you didn't not dissapoint 👏👏 thank you for doing it

Charles_leclerc I had an amazing time!!!

carlossainze55 you should hear him try to speak, voice complelty gone

yourusername that's the kind of energy we all need

comments have been limited

[scekrex]

Ok.

Adam X Male Reader (ofc).

But.

Reader erotically dances or just pole dances in revealing clothes for Adam to get off to.

While music blasts in the background.

Okay so the song I chose for this fic is 'Shut Me Up' by Mindless Self Indulgence bc I thought it fits, the cursive written shit r the lyrics blasting in the background.

Make me cum

pairing: Adam x male!reader

warnings: language, pole dancing, sexual dancing, lap dancing, hand jobs

note: not beta read bc fuck you I don't have beta readers

The bass, the rock, the mic, the treble / I like my coffee black just like my metal

Adam’s golden eyes were glued to your body, in admiration he watched as you moved your body ever so fluently, so smoothly. There you were, kneeling on the floor as you thrust your hips up into nothing but air and the brunette did not understand how you managed to make something simple as thrusting your hips up into nothing look so fucking sexy. In a fluent motion you got up from the floor, with a look in your eyes that made Adam feel hunted, that made you look like a predator who just spotted his prey. You stepped closer to the first man, rounded the armchair he was sitting on, then stopped behind him. Your hands grabbed his shoulders firmly and you pulled the backrest of the chair flush against your barely covered chest, that caused a surprised yelp to fall from his lips and the back of his head hit your sternum. Hazy eyes looked up at you, hazy eyes filled with lust and desire and yet they managed to hold so much love for you as well. The hand on the first man’s dick stuttered as your breath hit his ear and you whispered, “Enjoying yourself?” Because fuck yeah, he was enjoying himself, he was enjoying the show you gave him even more though. He wanted to grab you by your waist, pull you in, bury his dick deep inside you and push you over the edge with him - but you had made it clear that if you were to give him a dance like that, a show even, he was not allowed to touch you in any form or way, the only person allowed to touch were you.

‘Cause I can’t wait for you to knock me up / In a minute, minute, in a fuckin’ minute

Your hands roamed over his chest, lightly pulling Adam’s chest hair, you drew a delicious sounding moan from the brunette and he arched his back in such a pretty way for you, it was truly a shame that this would get him nowhere today. Because today he was at your mercy, he would cum when you allowed him to and not just verbally, this time you had to physically push him over the edge first, the only assistant Adam had was his hand, the rest was yours to take care of. And let’s just say that you knew quite well what you were doing. “Fuck, Y/N,” the brunette breathed out heavily as his eyes locked with yours, the wicked grin on your lips was something he wasn’t quite sure if he liked yet but when your hand covered the hand he had wrapped around his dick, when you squeezed lightly, he lost the strength to keep his eyes open for any longer.

I can’t wait for you to knock me up / In a minute, minute, in a second

The music that was blasting through your apartment was loud enough to swallow Adam’s moans for the public - especially for those fucking noisy kind of neighbors you had, but not for you. You heard every little sound he made. You withdrew your hand from Adam’s erection as quick as you had been to wrap it around the first man’s hard on, making the brunette whine at the loss of friction. Adam was used to teasing, he had been your boyfriend for a fucking while, of course he was used to teasing, but there had never been teasing without an reward so whatever it is that was happening, Adam wasn’t able to wrap his mind around it fully. The only clear thought that his mind was capable of producing was ‘Get him in your lap and fuck him mindless’. And he wasn’t very subtle about his thought as his hands reached behind him, clawing on your shoulders, trying to get a proper grip on you so he could lift you over his shoulder and get you to sit in his lap, his brain had completely forgotten about the no touching rule you had made so clear in the beginning. He had been created to reproduce, it was in his nature to get his dick wet - at least that was what the leader of the exorcists kept telling himself.

I can’t wait for you to shut me up and make me hip like badass

You pulled away from his grip instantly, slapped his hands playfully to remind you of who was in charge of all of this. “No touching,” your voice sounded so firm, so dominant that Adam was quick to drop his hand. He wanted you to keep talking, wanted you to step into his view again and continue to dance for him, he wanted whatever it was you were offering and drown in it. So when he felt you stepping away from the back of the chair and you appeared on his left side, he thanked God for listening to his wishes. “If you touch me again, I’m off of you for good. No more dancing, no more touching. Then you simply won’t cum,” and the eager nod Adam gave your words was telling you all you needed to know, the man was desperate, too far gone to actually speak words, too far gone to disagree because he wanted to climax so badly, felt like he would die if you would deny him his orgasm. So all he could do truly was to agree to the words spoken by you.

I can’t wait for you to shut me up / Shut it up

You swung your leg over Adam’s and your naked asscheeks were quick to meet his bare thighs, the brunette’s head lulled backwards, hit the top of the armchair’s backrest as it did and a throaty moan fell from his slightly parted lips. “Touch me and all of this comes to an end, and trust me when I tell you,” you once again grabbed a hold of his shoulders, a harsh pull forced the first man’s upper body to collide with yours and he felt as if the air got knocked out of his lungs. You moved your hips a little, trying to find a position that was somewhat comfortable. That position was found when Adam pulled his hand off of his dick and his erection found its place right between your asscheeks. Good. “Holy fucking shitballs,” the brunette underneath you cursed under his breath as his eyes watched your every move. His hands had gripped the armrests of the chair and he was digging his nails into the soft fabric in order to keep himself from reaching out for your body. He wanted to touch you, to make you experience the same amount of pleasure you were giving him, he also wanted to simply lift you up and carry you over to the couch and fuck you silly. HIs mind was telling him to do all sorts of things to you that he knew you would like, but he wasn’t allowed to and you weren’t complaining about the boner in your underwear. So he remained seated and kept his hands to himself, even though that was fucking hard to do.

I don’t buy your body right now / I’m almost over my body right now

And then you started grinding your hips against his, you were giving him a lap dance. And Adam had to admit, he understood why people were barely able to keep it together during those, because he himself was struggling hard with the no touching rule you had laid out. It felt like torture and a blessing at the same time, though he was sure it would feel even better if he were allowed to grab your hips and guide them a little. This way the only active thing he was allowed to do was meeting your thrusts, matching your pace and watching you move your body in the most divine way Adam had ever seen. Because you didn’t just stop at simply moving your hips against his, no, that would be boring to do so. Like before, you were putting on a show for the first man, you stripped out of the bit of fabric that had been just long enough to cover your nipples and as soon as that was off you roamed your hands over your body in ways that you knew Adam would do. It was visibly driving the brunette insane and you had to admit that you liked teasing him so much more than you had thought you ever would.

I’m on my way to the party right now / I don’t buy your body right now.

And just when Adam thought you had settled for a position that you would stay in until he would eventually orgasm, you pushed yourself off his lap and went back to fully dancing for him. And don’t get him wrong, he appreciated your dancing, especially because you made it look so easy and sexy at the same time, but he also appreciated friction. Friction that you had just taken away from him without the slightest bit of a warning. A whine of your name fell from his lips as his eyes continued to watch you - it was this moment that he fully learned to like the pole you had convinced him to get installed a couple months ago, this was the first time he actively watched you using it. And holy fucking shit, your dancing before had been good, magnificent even, but seeing you poledancing? Yeah that was truly something else entirely.

I’m almost over my body right now / I’m on my way to the party right now

The brunette’s hand was back on his dick in an instant and you couldn’t hide the soft chuckle his quick reaction caused, not that you had tried very hard anyway. “C’mon big guy,” your voice sounded playful, inviting and yet taunting at the same time and the first man was so overwhelmed by everything going on that he found himself unable to respond. “Show me how much you appreciate my skills and my effort,” the taller male that was watching you knew that you just gave him the verbal permission to cum and while he would’ve loved to do so, he needed a little something to push him off the edge, just a little more than he was able to give himself. A little something of you, preferably.

Because the break, the break, the break

Your legs wrapped around the ple tightly as your hands let go, you bent your body backwards until your palms were pressed firmly against the ground. That’s when you untangled your legs and pushed yourself off the pole, stopping right in front of Adam. Your hand traced up his inner leg in a teasing manner and yet that was enough to cause the first man to fall apart completely. With a loud, throaty moan of your name, that sounded more like he was cursing you out if you were honest, he spilled his load and came undone. He covered his milky skin with the white fluid that kept spilling from his dick like he hadn’t orgasmed in weeks - which wasn’t the case at all. But Adam was simply the type of guy who would be able to fill buckets with his cum, God had created him to reproduce after all. “That’s my good boy,” you hummed with a sly grin on your lips and Adam simply turned his head away, facing the wall instead of you as he mumbled a weak, “Eat dick.” And usually you’d drop to your knees and do him the favor, but the first man seemed kinda spent at that moment so instead you gave him time to recover as your wings wrapped around the taller male to push him off the chair and into your arms.

[babyboiboyega]

Short on Time (Hobie Brown x F!Reader)

Hobie Brown x f!reader

Summary: Hobie has a weird way of convincing you to sneak out to the roof despite your roommate being home… 

Word Count: 7.3k

Content: nothing but fluff, the very real and very apparent fact that I have an unhealthy obsession with this man, Hobie being an incredibly loveable and hilarious menace, horrible cockney/british slang, a bit of profanity, some rough writing bc it’s been a while

Inspo: All I Wanted - Paramore (paramore never misses)

A/N: heyyyy! Enjoy this Hobie Brown oneshot that took me too long to complete but I absolutely loved writing <3 

TAGLIST FORM

The sunset lamp in the corner of your room cast varying hues of purple and blue across the walls of the room, bouncing off of the numerous glass trays and items dotted throughout it. It provided a good backdrop for a night of nothing but deep breaths, slowed thoughts, and mere relaxation- and you were adamant about experiencing all of those and more of the same sentiment. 

It was just…a little hard to do so when the sounds of unhinged and drunken laughter floated from your shared living room and right through your door, effectively putting your plans of relaxation on hold.  

After an entire week of completing assignments and dealing with people who were less-than-pleasant, lacked common sense, and just made everything harder, all you wanted to do was something that required minimal thinking and produced the most amounts of serotonin; But it seemed as if that would be next to impossible.

You dropped your head onto the wooden surface of your desk, your third groan in the last 10 minutes leaving your mouth and joining another chorus of laughter from the living room. Your eyes closed tightly while you blindly reached for your phone, intent on turning your music to the max volume. Your roommate and her friend would be able to hear it, and your neighbors would be able to feel it, but you were desperate. That desperation only grew as your fingers closed around nothing but air. 

With furrowed eyebrows, you lifted your head and look to the spot where you could’ve sworn you put it-

“You’ve got an ace personality, love, but rubbish taste in music.”

The voice was as familiar as ever, but the suddenness of it appearing in your room made you jump slightly, your body rocking back in your chair. Your mouth opened on a yelp as you felt the front two legs of your chair lift off of the ground, and just as your arms instinctively reached out to grab onto something, you felt a slight push to the back of your chair.

“Jesus-!”

“Far from it, actually.” You heard the amusement in Hobie’s voice before you turned to face him, your heart beating rapidly because of his sudden appearance…and because of him in general. 

His smile was familiar, as was his tendency to just show up at your window…or in your room, as was the case tonight. Despite knowing that he could just pop up at any time, there were still a number of times when he had managed to sneak up on you. 

Your room seemed smaller as his lanky frame walked further in, his eyes focused on your phone in his hand as he continued to hit the skip button. With furrowed eyebrows and a breath of exasperation, you stood up, quickly reaching for your phone only for his arm to raise. 

“Not you breaking into my room and insulting my music taste- all in one night. Hobie, gimme my-”

“Now, wait a minute, love, you know I’m only jokin’.” He replied, his smile widening as he watched amusedly while you raised yourself in an attempt to grab your phone. It was no use, as he effortlessly towered over you, and judging by the smile on his face, he was enjoying the sight. 

“This the playlist we listened to ‘round last week, yeah?”

Your movements paused at the mention of the playlist currently pulled up on your phone, and at the memory of you two sitting in the same room the week before, listening to the same music. It had been a rather uneventful day for Hobie, or Spider-Man, but your day had been the exact opposite: hectic and so busy that you’d had no energy to do anything but sit at the head of your bed and talk with him about any and everything- at least until you had fallen asleep, propped up against your headboard, your head tilted back. 

That had been last week and since then, you hadn’t seen the lanky, eccentric man. Well, you had seen him on the news and on the internet, but only as Spider-Man; you had seen him enough times to know that the reason for his lack of visits was because of his ‘job’ as the city’s mostly friendly, ‘take no shit’ Spider-Man. 

But now he was here, and his presence was already making up for those days you had gone without being able to see him. 

“The same one, yes. Why? You tellin’ me I converted you to neo-soul?” Your eyebrow raised as you finally gave up on trying to get your phone, your arms falling only to cross in front of your chest. The corner of your mouth lifted into a knowing smile as you watched his eyes scan the screen of your phone while the next song played. His lips pursed slightly as his eyes met yours.

“I’m tellin’ you…that you could have worse taste.” 

It was slightly laughable knowing that even if he had liked a few songs from the playlist, he’d make sure to keep it to himself…at least as a facade. Despite his very different taste in music, there had been a few songs that he had listened to simply because you had asked him to, and he’d had no problem letting you know that he had liked them. But occasionally, he liked to put on the ‘my music is better’ facade, and you entertained it every time. 

“You didn’t even say hey to me or nothin’; just came in being a straight menace.”

A laugh left his mouth as he finally handed your phone back to you, a song that he had previously stated was ‘okay’ coincidentally playing through your speakers. You didn’t make a move to change it. In fact, your phone was all but forgotten as he gazed down at you, an easygoing smile on his face. 

“You sure about that? I could’ve sworn I said hi when I got here-”

“No, you did not, and you know you didn’t-”

A peal of laughter floated through your bedroom door, and it only served as a reminder of the night’s events leading up to this point. Your shoulders sagged slightly at the sound, and only sagged more as you internally chastised yourself. 

It wasn’t your roommate's fault that you’d had a shitty week and couldn’t seem to relax, and you couldn’t exactly be mad that they were having fun and enjoying their Friday night…

They could be a little quieter though.

Hobie could see it as clear as day on your face, your internal struggle and frustration. It made his smile drop slightly, though it still remained in place and only softened in response. His lanky frame sat on the edge of your windowsill, his legs extending straight in front of him and his arms crossing. His posture expressed nonchalance- indifference, even; but his eyes and his expression showed exactly how attentive he was when it came to you.

“You look rather brassed off. Wanna talk about it?”

Did you want to talk about it? Or would you rather indulge in Hobie’s regular antics in an effort to forget about your own list of shortcomings spanning the week? On one hand, you’d never grow tired of his random tales of breaking past riot police’s defenses or interrupting the most recent, half-assed charity speech done by a corrupt politician. Each account would end with you slightly chastising him for doing something that bordered the definition of dangerous, and each time, he’d only respond with a cheeky grin and a not-so-subtle attempt at changing the subject. Regardless of how many times it happened, you still couldn’t deny the fact that you loved every single one of your conversations. 

“Nah. ‘S just the regular.” You start, joining him on the windowsill with a sigh. It wasn’t lost on you that with only a glance, Hobie knew the state of mind you were in; this time was only a reminder that he possessed that ability, as he had done it multiple times before. He had a talent for exuding the chillest, most indifferent demeanor, but when it had come down to it, he had been there when you needed him. Now was no different.

Instead of leaving your answer as it was, he simply turned towards you, resting his back against the window sill and raising an eyebrow in your direction. His eyes narrowed slightly as he looked at you, his lips pursing as he took in the look on your face. It spoke volumes, as did the look in his eyes. It was the look of someone calling another person’s bluff without any hesitation whatsoever, and seeing it on his face had you smacking your teeth in resignation. You still refrained from continuing. 

“You don’t have to tell me, love,” he starts, bending his knee and setting his foot on the windowsill. His hands fidget with something- an object- that he was able to pull out of his pocket between one second and the next, though his eyes stay focused on you. 

“But, it was you who once told me that I was an ace listener…”

He ends the sentence with a shrug of his shoulders; though, judging by the small grin curving his lips, it's apparent that while his words are said in jest, they still hold meaning behind them. You know as much, because you _do _remember telling him how he was rather easy to talk to. The words, no matter how serious or casual they were, always flowed easily whenever you were in Hobie’s presence. And now was no different.

A heavy breath left your mouth as you mimicked his position, leaning your head against the windowsill and bringing your knee up to bend in the space between you two. Your hands fiddled with a loose thread hanging from the shorts adorning your legs while your eyes flickered from his to the window that he only crawled through a few minutes ago. 

“Actually…”

“Here we go.” The rumble of his voice blended seamlessly with the music coming from your speakers and the little bit of comfort it brought made your lips loosen to let out your account of your week, starting from the beginning. 

During the entire recount, Hobie only interjected to offer his own commentary - usually containing weird, cockney insults for the people you described; but aside from that, he sat and listened. Well, that wasn’t exactly true.

His tendency to keep the air surrounding the both of you lighthearted showed itself whenever you seemed to be growing irritated just from recounting the details, and he reminded you of this tendency by methodically and gradually taking off his bracelets and rings, and transferring them to your wrists. As you continued talking, your wrists and fingers had taken on a bit of weight from the metal and leather of his jewelry, though it didn’t stop you from gesturing as you spoke. As soon as he was done with one hand, you’d take it back and use it to gesture while placing your other in his. Now there was just the occasional clink as the rings that fit his fingers perfectly but were a little too big for yours knocked into each other. It only resulted in him taking your hand and sliding the rings back onto your finger should they look close to falling off. 

Had it been a month earlier, you would’ve gaped at the physical affection. It was something small, and something you suspected he did absentmindedly; but the fact remained that he hadn’t always been this comfortable around you. There was a time in you two’s… friendship (?) when you wouldn’t even contemplate unloading your problems onto him under the guise of not wanting to bother him when in reality, it had been an attempt of keeping him around longer. The last thing you had wanted was to run him away with your- in your words- constant nagging, complaining, and non-stop talking.

You could vividly remember the face he made the day you had explained that to him. He had called you ‘silly’ in the nicest way possible before laughing loudly.  Ever since then, he had made it a point to remind you that while he was constantly busy saving civilians and the city, there would always be time for you and him to sit and just talk to one another. He’d kept to that promise since then. 

By the end of your series of misfortunate events, you wore one of his black, spiked bracelets, and 3 of his rings that knocked against each other as you settled your hands in your lap with a sigh.

“So, that’s how my week went.”

What followed was a few seconds of silence, broken only by the soft music emanating from your speaker,  though it wasn’t long before the sound of more shrill laughter joined the noise. Another sigh, a heavier one, left your mouth as you let your head thump against the windowsill behind you. 

“And I came home, just…knowing that I’d be able to chill, relax, get my mind off of the week, but my roommate has her friend over and they’re hellbent on drinking as much as they can and speaking as loud as they can tonight. And I can’t even be mad at ‘em!”

A sharp, almost hollow laugh left your lips as you shook your head, your eyes turning to the view on the other side of your window. The city was wide awake, and as much was clear by the various sounds that usually accompanied living in the city. Closer to the center of the city, there seemed to be some kind of event going on, as the dark sky was cut through with bright lights that waved as if wanting to draw everyone’s attention to it. 

Probably some event for the top 1% to go to and pat themselves on the backs for the ‘good deeds’ they had done for the city; the ‘good deeds’ that only seemed to help those they deemed worthy of it. 

Goddamn…Hobie’s rubbing off on me.

Hobie’s narrowed eyes and slightly pursed lips were the only responses you received at first. While your fingers fidgeted lightly with the rings adorning your fingers, he simply gazed at you… then he was swinging his leg through your window to the fire escape.

You watched in confusion as he stood on the other side of your window, motioning for you to join him with a smirk that not only made your heart quicken but also made your confusion and curiosity grow. Your eyebrow raised in question. 

“Stop being so skeptical- we’re just going to the roof.” 

You gawked at him slightly, your eyes widening and your head tilting. He had said the words with a lighthearted sigh and a roll of his eyes.

“The roof? You said that like it's a normal occurrence for us to go to the roof- the hell we going to the roof for?”

“Well, it’d be a normal occurrence if you weren’t boring, love-”

“Hobie…why are we going to the roof?” You repeated the question, standing and turning to where he stood outside your window. It was easy to ignore the jab; the lightheartedness and teasing in his tone told you that he hadn’t meant them. But that didn’t stop your wariness from growing. 

“You trust me, right?”

The words were simple. 4 words said with a lopsided smirk and a twinkle in his eye that was so uniquely Hobie Brown you couldn’t imagine finding it in anyone else’s eyes, no matter how many variants of him existed, as he had once told you.

They were simply words, but your answer to the question was so much more. 

Of course, I trust you. I honestly don’t know if I trust anyone else as much as I trust you. And I don’t think it's because you’re Spider-Man. It's definitely because you somehow know exactly what to say and what I need to hear even when I don’t. Its also because I can’t go a damn second without thinking about you or your voice or your laugh or your eyes-

“Of course, I do…but I feel like you’re about to give me a reason not to.”

The laugh that left his mouth admittedly made a smile of your own appear on your face. It was loud, and it sounded as if it…belonged in your space. You certainly thought it belonged in your space, as well as thinking that you’d like to hear it more. 

“Now why would I do that? Just wanna show you somethin’, love. ‘S all.”

This time, your look of contemplation was purely for show, as you had already decided to indulge in this little ‘surprise’ of his. There was only one obstacle. Or more like two. 

“I can’t exactly walk out and just say I’m goin’ to the roof.” You motioned to your door, and the sound of your roommate and her friend’s laughter almost ironically emphasized your statement. “They’ll have at least 5 questions - each, and then they’ll probably even follow me up there. I don’t know about you, but I’d rather not have them walking up on me just speaking to Spider-Man.”

Exasperation appeared on his face in response to your words, and when he spoke, his hand gestured between the two of you.

“Who said anythin’ about them seein’ you?” 

If possible, the mischief in his eyes grew, as did the smirk on his face. It was only when he reached a hand through the window towards you, your lights subtly catching the web slingers on his wrists that you understood what he was alluding to, and it made you immediately shake your head. 

“You deadass?”

“I’m deadass, love.”

“You can’t be deadass.”

“You know I won’t drop you! You just said you trusted me-!”

Laughter coated his words as he watched you quickly stand up, your head shaking adamantly. 

You did trust Hobie, there’s no question about it. But being more than 10 feet off of the ground and relying on nothing but a piece of web to hold the both of you up was not an appealing or exciting thought. 

He wouldn’t have bothered offering had he any reservations about the security and safety of his webs, and you were aware of that fact; but still…the thought of swinging through the air, several feet above the ground, and relying on nothing but a piece of web to catch the both of you-

“Nah, you got it.”

“Oh, for bloody-”

“I’ll take my chances with the drunk women in the front room, and I’ll meet you up there since you’re so adamant about going to the damn roof.”

Hobie knew not to take the snide tone of your words to heart. If anything, he only found them amusing, as made evident by the smile on his face and the disbelieving shake of his head. His eyes followed you while you found a pair of slides and a jacket before shrugging it on and turning back to him. 

“I don’t get any type of hint for what's up there?”

“No- but if you aren’t up there in the next 5 minutes, my new name will be Barney Rubble.”

The words made you pause, your lips parting slightly as you replayed his words in your mind. Another one of Hobie’s endearing, and incredibly amusing (and confusing) qualities is that he has no problem letting a Cockney insult or saying slip. It could be in the middle of the most casual conversation one could have, or it could be in response to something outrageous he heard. Or maybe he just felt as if the curse would further enhance whatever he needed to say; you suspected it was more so that third one this go around. 

You were used to it; used to hearing a word you had never heard prior to it coming from Hobie’s mouth in the middle (or beginning…or end) of a statement. Every time you thought you knew every piece of cockney slang- at least the ones Hobie used- he just…lets out another one. You had half a mind to keep a record of them to look back on.

You were used to it. You were also used to the feeling of confusion and amusement that always went through you every time he did it. 

“...the fuck did you just say to me?”

Hobie smacked his teeth and rolled his eyes once more in faux outrage, and it only made your amusement grow. A small peal of laughter left you as you repeated the phrase in a horrible imitation of his strong accent. Pitching your voice low enough was a struggle, but you personally thought that your imitation of his accent was spot on. Judging by the deadpan look on his face, though, he disagreed.

“What even is that? Who even is that- Barney Rubble? Barney got a last name? Didn’t know tha- where you goin?”

Instead of sitting there and taking your teasing, he did something that surely had your body preparing for a heart attack, the way you tensed and quickly jumped into action.

Once he had ducked back into your room, it had only taken him 3, wide steps to reach your bedroom door…the one that would lead straight into the living room.

The living room that was occupied by your roommate and a friend. 

With a hand closing around his wrist, you dug your heels into your carpeted floor, pulling him to a stop. It was barely enough, as you also had to insert yourself physically between him and the door.

You had a clue as to what- or who- Barney Rubble is, and ironically enough, it rhymed with ‘trouble’. 

“What are you doing?! Alright, alright! 5 minutes- I’ll be up there. Damn-”

“Aht- you’ve got 4 minutes and 30 seconds now, love. Better get a move on.” 

And if the mere thought of him walking into your living room in his suit didn’t give you enough of a heart attack, the way his hand landed on your hip and squeezed surely did. 

The flush that went through your body had your eyes widening slightly and your lips parting on a quick breath. The place where his hand still rested emanated nothing but heat as he turned you towards the door, nudging you slightly forward. His steps shadowed yours, except they did so on the outside of your own. It allowed his chest to barely brush against your back, but it was enough to have your heart speeding up in the slightest. 

Hell, anytime Hobie initiated any type of physical contact had your heart beating a little faster. 

“W-well, what am I supposed to tell them when they ask where I’m going?”

You turned slightly once you reached the door, your hand landing on the knob and opening it slightly. The sound of the tv in the front room along with the two women’s voices immediately increased in volume as you did so, but your focus was still on Hobie’s hand and how it turned you slightly to face him.

The proximity between you two had gotten smaller at some point, forcing you to crane your neck back just to be able to meet his gaze; and perhaps it was the reflection of your lights in his eyes that were somehow always intense and soft as they gazed at you, but you could’ve sworn there was something else beneath that usual look of mischief. Something that you continued to convince yourself was simply a trick of the light, or a quick flash of his eyes- anything besides what you hoped it was. There was no point in giving yourself false hope.

It didn’t matter how much you were in denial, and it certainly didn’t matter how sure you were that he only saw your bond as that of a pair of friends, you still found yourself instantly being drawn into him as he spoke to you. His voice was a deep rumble- one that floated over your skin, leaving a trail of goosebumps on every part of you. His touch was a beacon of something akin to hope as he squeezed your hip again, bringing your attention back to what he was saying.

“Between us two, you got the beau’y and the brains, so use ‘em, love.” You gaped at the compliment he let slip- as if it were the most normal thing. He continued talking before you could fully process his words or the reaction they drew out of you. 

“May wanna hurry up, though; you got ‘bout 4 minutes now. 3:59…3:58…3:57-”

“Goddam- you’re such a menace. You actually make me sick-”

The last thing you heard was his low chuckle as you opened the door, quickly stepping out and leaving it cracked behind you. The sound of laughter and a blaring TV grew as you walked closer to the living room. From your position, you could see the backs of your roommate and her friend, both of them lounging on the couch and talking loudly. Their words ranged from gossip they had gotten from their place of work to whether or not they’d marry someone they had yet to meet- and it wasn’t hard to see that their words only reflected the tv show they were watching. 

For a second, it seemed as if you’d be able to slip behind them unnoticed and make it to the door. Their voices were loud enough to cover your steps, and the tv was certainly loud enough to cover the sound of you opening and closing the door. And for a moment, you though that you’d make it. Your hand closed around the knob of the front door, turning it lightly, only for a quick call of your name to stop you in your tracks.

“Where you goin’?”

Your roommate’s words slurred slightly, and there was a wide and curious smile on her face as the both of them turned towards you. Her words were loud to compensate for the volume of the tv, and it only made you wince slightly as you stopped and turned toward her. You could feel your lips turn into an expression that looked more like a grimace than a smile.

“I think I forgot my charger in my car. Was gonna run down and get it.” 

It was the first excuse to reach the forefront of your mind. It made sense, and it was also something that you’d done multiple times on accident. You surely thought that it would be a valid enough excuse and that you’d be able to slip away… but leave it to your roommate to make things the slightest bit difficult.

“Oh! You can just use my charger. I’m not using it now!”

Your mouth opens to maybe provide another excuse or to even decline her offer, however, your words stop at the sight just down the hallway. It's hard to keep your eyes from widening at the sight of Hobie poking his head out of your door while leaning against the frame. 

With a shit-eating grin, he held up 3 fingers to signify the number of minutes you had left before you truly learned what- or who- the fuck Barney Rubble was. 

Deep down, you knew that his actions were joking; he wouldn’t actually walk out into your living room with his suit on, prompting screams of confusion and questions from the two drunk women in front of you. He wouldn’t. 

He wouldn’t.

It was almost as if the menace himself read your mind, as his eyebrows rose in a challenge and the grin on his face grew. There was the slight sound of your door opening followed by the sight of his foot stepping past your doorframe. And then his hands raised as if he were going to slip his mask on over his face-

“UH! Yeah-I…actually lied. I’m not going to get my charger, I gotta…run to the store. For, uh…floss.”

“...I’ve got floss sticks, Y/N. I can get you one-” Your roommate threw back the cover she used before moving to her feet. The mere thought of her turning and seeing Hobie right at the end of the hallway made you quickly step forward. You weren’t the best when put under pressure, and there were so many different factors of the situation you had found yourself in, and Hobie was still at the end of the goddamned hall, smiling and holding up two fingers, and since when was your roommate so charitable-

“NO, you’ve got the mint ones- I don’t like those. They make my teeth…burn. I mean- hurt.”

By sheer will alone, you didn’t curse at yourself for that response right then and there. Instead, you stood there, ignoring the sight of Hobie doubling over with silent laughter at the end of the wall, and praying to whoever listened that your roommate was drunk enough to write off your excuse as something not worth your time.

Perhaps the universe was on your side, as she tilted her head and regarded you for a second, her eyes narrowing slightly. You had no doubt that she was the least bit suspicious, and you honestly couldn’t blame her. You had no idea what the hell you were saying, each word seeming to miss the filter of sense they usually passed through before leaving your mouth; despite the absurdity of your words, your roommate simply shrugged before lowering herself back into her spot, mumbling something that included the words ‘weird’ and ‘strange’. 

You, however, certainly didn’t waste another second before turning and quickly making your way out of the apartment, your steps quickly taking you to the rooftop. And just as you had expected, the sound of laughter was the first thing you heard once you pushed the door open. 

The sound lead you to a corner of the rooftop that was only illuminated by a string of dusty lights left by someone who’d had an idea for the rooftop but had given up. You had a perfect view of the city, the lights being easier to see from the rooftop. You were sure that you’d see elegant cars and even more elegant dresses and tuxes if you were closer to the event, but you weren’t…and you didn’t want to be.

Despite the laughter that still fell from his lips, at your expense, no less, you found that you still wouldn’t rather be anywhere else than on the rooftop with Hobie…goddamn Brown. 

“I ain’t a dentist, but maybe you should get that checked out, love.”

“Don’t start-”

“Don’t think I’ve heard of someone’s teeth burnin’-”

His words broke off into another rumbling chuckle, one that immediately prompted you to roll your eyes. Nonetheless, you still walked closer to where he leaned against the low wall surrounding the roof.

Your arms crossed in front of you, your facade of being fed up with his antics quickly crumbling as his eyes narrowed at you. The soft lights reflected off of his dark skin, glinting off of each piercing he had and therefore highlighting the skin pierced by them. The action of his arms crossing drew your attention to the sinewy muscles of his forearms as they raised, copying your pose as he gazed down at you. 

“You gon’ tell me why I’m up here, or are you gonna stand there and make fun of me? Because I can definitely turn right back around and go back-”

That was a lie. The fact that Hobie had wanted you there in the first place was enough to ensure that you’d stay until you saw whatever he wanted to show you. It was the emptiest threat. 

“You gonna be patient and let me surprise you, or are you gonna keep askin’ questions, love?”

Another chuckle fell from his lips as he dropped his arms. One of his hands stretched out, his long fingers hooking beneath his loose bracelet that still adorned your wrist before pulling you a tad bit closer. His body turned slightly to the side, allowing space for you to lean against the wall as he jutted his chin towards something you had yet to see, though you kept your eyes on him.

It was your turn to narrow your eyes in suspicion at his actions and his refusal to answer you straightforwardly. It made your curiosity grow. 

This was new, whatever…this was. You could confidently say that you two were close friends, but the softness of his eyes and the way his lips curled fondly into a smile that you liked to think was only for you said differently. It watered that little seed of hope in your chest. Now it was only a waiting game to see what it would grow into. And for some reason, you had a suspicion that tonight would not only give that seed enough room to grow but that it’d also become a little clearer, this bond between you two. 

“You’re bein’ rather skeptical instead of just takin’ in what’s right in front of you.”

“And what exactly is right in front of me, Hobie?” You questioned, raising an eyebrow. You hadn’t meant for your voice to be so soft. You certainly hadn’t meant for your eyes to flicker down to his full lips as they pursed slightly at your question. But you found that maybe it was a good thing, as Hobie used the same loose grip he had on the bracelet to pull you just a few inches closer. 

There was more than one way to take his words, and the realization, paired with his actions, came with a small increase in your heart rate. 

The grin on his face had slowly disappeared, being replaced by a look of contemplation and something else you couldn’t quite put your finger on. His eyes roamed over your features as a heavy silence fell over the two of you. Your room had been a space of familiarity; a space with enough distractions that served in keeping your thoughts from straying to things you were too scared to ask for and too self-doubtful to openly wish for. But now…with nothing but the open city skyline and the two of you alone on a nearly barren rooftop…those same thoughts reared their head. Only this time, you were almost certain that you weren’t the only one being pestered by them.

“Oh, I wish I could show you, sweetheart.” 

His words echoed with every beat of your heart, no matter how irregular it had grown because of his presence. His eyes flickered from one point of your face to your eyes, and back. The subtle feeling of his fingers tightening around the bracelet, pulling you even closer was nearly lost on you as you focused on the way his lips parted slightly, an inaudible sigh lifting his shoulders. Though as they lowered with the same breath, his eyes flickered quickly over your shoulder, the grin you knew all too well appearing on his face once more. 

“But you can see for yourself.”

With a mind that still worked on getting itself through the fog of longing that had been brought on by Hobie, you let him turn you towards the edge of the rooftop that looked over a grassy park. It was one that you sometimes found yourself walking through when you needed or wanted to, but now the usually open area was crowded with people either sitting on blankets or lawn chairs, all of their attention on the stage that sprawled over the park’s pond. 

It wasn’t hard to figure out why, as the sound of music reached your ears no sooner than you had realized that there were people on the stage. And it wasn’t just any music. The opening notes to one of the songs Hobie had recommended to you were as familiar as the sound of your own name, as you had certainly listened to the song more than enough times. Along with the recognition of the song came the realization that the band playing was one that you both were rather fond of. 

“Is that…?”

Hobie’s answer came in the form of a chuckle and a nod of his head that you saw out of your peripheral, but other than that, he simply let the music speak for itself. Despite your distance from the concert itself, the music effortlessly rode the soundwaves before reaching the two of you, making your smile grow. 

You’d had no idea that they were even coming to your area, let alone holding an entire concert. But somehow Hobie had known, and he had made sure to bring you to a view no one else had to watch it. 

“Mate of mine only had 2 tickets, and one was for him.” He shrugged one shoulder as you looked at him, your eyes bright with excitement for the music that just started. 

“Thought that I’d have a better view from here, with someone who’s a lot less annoyin’ and a lot prettier.” 

A sound close to a laugh and scoff left you at his words, your head shaking slightly. Despite the smile he wore, there was nothing else to imply that his words were joking. The music provided a background of harmonies and lyrics that you felt only added to the atmosphere, and you briefly wondered if the feelings going through your body were a result of the music’s bass traveling through the air before settling into your bones, or if it was an amalgamation of feelings you were finding a little easier to put a word to. 

“Hobie, you didn’t have to do that. Giving up a free ticket to watch it from a rooftop?” Your voice still held a bit of disbelief as you questioned him, your eyes flickering between the performance and his features. Your divided attention caused you to miss the way his eyes softened as they landed on you, but you were perfectly aware of the way he turned, leaning his elbows on the wall and letting his arm rest firmly against yours. You may or may not have instantly leaned into the warmth his body emanated. 

“There’s a difference between having to do somethin’ and wantin’ to do something. It’s always the second one when it comes to you, love.”

Your smile grew- if that was even possible- and you leaned more into him, your skin flushing from the combination of his words and the point of contact between you two.

The music switched to one of the band’s slower songs, and it only seemed right to hum along with the music. The opening notes garnered cheers from the crowd and a wide smile from you. Though a tug at your wrist paused your humming, and with curious eyes, you turned to Hobie.

“You trust me, right?” He asked the same question he had posed earlier, yet this time, his words were softer; more genuine. Your answer was the same as before…but softer; more genuine.

“Of course I do.”

His eyes brightened at your answer before looking above the two of you to a slanted roof that jutted out over the edge of the roof. He took a step back, pulling you along slowly as if to give you a chance to change your mind, but you did nothing of the sort. You let him lead you to where the roof’s corner was directly above you, and you could only watch as he let go of you before lithely and quickly jumping onto the same corner.

You’d seen Hobie’s powers in action multiple times, and each time, you could remember your heart speeding up in concern and worry. Especially when you saw the familiar webhead fighting the week’s newest villain on the news, or heard another news station calling him a menace or even a villain himself. Now was no different as you watched him balance precariously on the edge of the roof before crouching and offering a hand down to you. 

You took a breath, one that both steadied you and tampered down your nerves, before reaching for his hand. Hobie was one tall guy, and that length only transferred to his arms as he was able to easily grab your hand and hoist you up to the roof…but that was as far as you got before your nerves got the better of you.

His hand was clenched tightly in yours, and your eyes widened as you noticed just how…far from the ground you were-

“Oi, look at me.” 

Neither his voice nor the sound of the band playing could tear your gaze away from how far away the ground looked. Was the ground moving or was that just your mind playing tricks? Was it getting closer? If the ground was getting closer that meant-

It was only the feeling of his arms wrapping securely around you, your body being pulled into the wide and hard expanse of his chest as he settled the two of you on the roof, that pulled you out of your spiraling thoughts. 

“You know ‘ve got you. ‘M not lettin’ you go anywhere.” He mumbled reassuringly, his arms squeezing lightly around your shoulders where they were still wound around you. Your breath hitched once more, but not because of the height you two had found yourselves sitting at. 

Without a hint of hesitation, your own hands raised, securing themselves tightly around his forearms across your chest. You pushed your back further into the confines his arms made around you until you could feel every point of contact between his chest and your back, and only then did you take a deep breath before letting it out. 

“You good, love?” His breath puffed lightly against the shell of your ear as he lowered his head, and the sensation sent a chill down your spine that you didn’t bother trying to hide. 

Sitting there, watching a band you both enjoyed from a view no one else had, knowing that Hobie had specifically wanted this moment between you two made your words catch in your throat. It made every nerve ending in your body alight as if Hobie held the sun itself in his veins, transferring its heat and fire to you every time you two touched. While his touch was like fire, his voice was like a soothing balm that washed over you, always rumbling from deep within his chest.

The word ‘good’ would never be adequate enough to describe how you felt in his arms. There was only one word that even remotely fit the emotion flowing through you at his touch, his voice- him, except this time, there was no self-doubt holding you back from admitting it. To yourself, at least. 

The slower music reached the two of you, the familiar tune helping you relax into Hobie’s chest and helping you realize just how perfectly the two of you fit together. His feet bordered yours, knees bent and giving the two of you an extra sense of security as they kept you from sliding off of the roof. While one arm stayed wrapped around your shoulders, his other unwound itself so that his fingers could find yours. They gently twisted the rings- his rings- that still adorned your fingers before almost slowly lacing with yours. Your smile grew as your head fell back to rest against his shoulder, his chin nudging slightly against your temple. A content sigh left you in the form of words. 

“Yeah, I’m good.”

A/N: I hope y’all enjoyed this little oneshot that came from staying up too late and fantasizing about Hobie Brown (its an obsession at this point but can you mf blame me?)

All interactions are greatly appreciated! Likes, reblogs, comments; give it all, I’ll take it all <33

Y’all’ stay safe!

Tag list:

@shinsousliya , @honey-teaaaaaaaa , @tchhairbandhere , @jessiapollo-blog , @zane2408 , @bananasplits-world , @yellowjacketmurder , @barkbarkbo​ , @butterflyybabe​ , @bananafishok​ , @mitsuya-takashi​ , @chaoticevilbakugo​ , @cedeni-beanie​ , @kingstormpostsshit​ , @sailorsolar12​ , @justariellove​ , @angelsmist​ , @eriksjournal , @mermaidchansons​ , @nil-eena​ , @paisholotus​ , @thesecretwriterblog​ , @brain-of-nekoma , @simp4iwaizumi , @bumlyn​ , @jackdrawsjunk​ , @http-twyla , @cedeni-beanie​ , @taleiakirby , @brain-of-nekoma , @borderlineacademia​ , @ventingfanfics​ , @jackdrawsjunk​ , @writesbyriri​ , @serahxney​ , @awolfcsworld​

TAGLIST FORM

[shysneeze]

i’ll never love a boy the way i love the ocean | robin buckley x gn!reader

description: you’re in love with your bestfriend and her ocean blue eyes

warnings: swearing, like a little angsty, implied era-typical homophobia (barely)

a/n: i’m literally in love with the song to love a boy by maya hawke so this only seemed appropriate :)

won’t let me link it but just youtube it if ur interested

Robin has blue eyes, the colour of the ocean.

Perhaps it’s not something you’re supposed to notice about your best friend. It’s the sort of observations meant for lovers, for poetry and music.

But Robin's eyes are the colour of the ocean, the kind poets write of getting lost in, and sometimes, it feels like you‘be been drowning in them for years.

Today the setting sun hits them in a way that makes them lighter, and the first you notice is whilst you’re walking together from the movie theatre, whilst she’s rambling on about the film you watched together.

“I mean, next time I’m choosing the film, (y/n).” Robin says, “You’re my best friend but god, you need a movie education.”

You manage an uncommitted hum, busy fighting off the butterflies that are making you feel queasy, trying to ignore the way her hand grazes your own by your side as you walk, each time making you feel almost dizzy.

Ocean eyes, freckles, warm hands…

You can’t pinpoint the moment those features meant so much to you, when you began to catalogue them, to adore them. Sometimes, you can’t imagine a time where they didn’t mesmerise you.

“I mean, it was cheesy in the worst way.”

Robin’s hands lift from her sides with an dramatising hand action that makes a small smile climb to your cheeks, eyes dropping sheepishly to the ground.

“I know.”

Robin laughs and your brows pull into a sort of pained expression, smile faltering and chest tightening.

Eyes, freckles, hands, laughter.

It’s never been a startling realisation, one that brings with it the relief of understanding. You would prefer that, one big, eye opening moment that you could find somewhere to put afterwards, somewhere to store in the far corner of your brain and move on from.

But the realisation that you have fallen in love with your best friend is one that gnaws away at you, the kind that only solidifies with time and becomes entirely too much to store anywhere but everywhere, in every glance and every smile.

And it all started with those ocean eyes.

On days like today, it’s entirely too much, and you can’t help but wonder if you’ll ever love a boy as much as you love those eyes.

And the thought makes you queasy.

“Oh, hey,” Robin begins, frown audible in her gentle, raspy voice, “I’m just joking, (y/n/n). You can choose the next film, I don’t mind- you know I’m just not one for rom-coms-“

You laugh, horrified when it leaves your lips just a little broken. Robin stills by your side, brows creasing with concern, one hand reaching out to pull you to a stop with her.

“Hey, what’s wrong?”

When you look up, her eyes are wide, and you can see specs of green in her irises, lips parting wordlessly. Her head tilts a little, curiously, and you realise that you’ve been well and truly caught.

“Do you ever think of who you’ll fall in love with?”

Robin brows lift in surprise, smirk finding her lips, readied with a joke when she spots the solemn expression still etched on your face.

“I-“ She says, smile dropping, “I guess… Why? You’re kind of worrying me here, (y/n).”

“I think I love someone,” You admit, voice quiet despite the courage it’s taken to produce it at all suddenly. “I know that I love them, actually.”

Something twitches on Robin's face, something oddly like disappointment, and her hand pulls back from your own slowly, inviting the cold to prick your skin.

“Oh.” She smiles half heartedly. “And who is the lucky guy?”

You gives her a long contemplative look, anxiety stirring in your chest. Biting your lip, you inhale shakily through your nose.

“What- what if it’s not a guy, Robin?”

In the new silence, you can hear Robin’s breath catch with realisation. Her blue eyes meet yours, wide and knowing, and for the first time, your scared to look into them, scared of what you’ll find.

“You’re in love with… a girl?” Robin clarifies tentatively.

You nod, eyes trained at the scuff marks on your shoes. The silence that settles between you both is so intense it makes you feel dizzy.

“Well, is she a nice girl?” Robin asks, sounding slightly strained, “I can only assume she likes the same crappy movies as you, but I’m sure she’s got redeemable qualities too.”

You laugh, a startled sound as you look up in surprise of her acceptance. She smiles at you, a little forced, but it’s enough to still the panic that was slowly bubbling in your chest.

“She hates my taste in movies.” You admit.

“A woman of taste.”

You know Robin well, so well acquainted with her face that you can see the hurt in the crease between her brows, the subtle disappointment.

You might go as far as to say jealousy.

This realisation is the big, eye opening moment. It brings a jolt of hope right into your chest that seeps outwards like an electric current, until the buzz reaches your finger tips.

“She has the most beautiful eyes I’ve ever seen.”

It’s escaped from you lips before you can even consider the consequences, and the crease between Robin’s brows deepens, forced smile faltering just a little.

“I’m happy for you.”

The lie only spurs you on, and you reach out for her hands, smiling softly at the familiar warm touch. You find yourself fidgeting with a ring on her index finger.

“(y/n)?”

She glances down at your joined hands, and when look up, she’s already staring at you with parted lips, and there’s a red colour climbing her neck that confirms your newest suspicions.

“Did you know your eyes are the same colour as the ocean?” You ask, smiling nervously. “Blue but with this little hint of green… they’re gorgeous, Robin.”

Robins hands tense in your own, and that crease in her brows softens, breath trembling as it leave her lips. You hold her eyes with more confidence than you ever thought possible.

“It’s me.”

“It’s you.”

Robin stands frozen, and for a moment, your new confidence dwindles, and you worry you’ve been swept away in the hope of it all, and the colour of her eyes.

Then, she’s pulling her hands from yours and before you can panic, plan your excuses, their cupping your cheeks, the pads of her thumbs grazing your cheeks softly.

“It’s me.” She repeats, smiling, “Holy shit, it’s me.”

Her eloquence causes almost makes you laugh, but you’re struggling to tell whether it’s in excitement or humiliating humour. Her grin widens, and she lets out a disbelieving laugh.

“Holy shit.” She repeats.

“I’m going to have to ask you to stop swearing at my confession, thanks.”

“Sorry,” She beams, “But I just-“

“Holy shit,” You say, “I know.”

She shakes her head, gently running her thumbs across your cheek bone. She turns only to glance around then empty street before returning, tongue darting across her lips nervously.

Suddenly you feel like putty in her hands.

“Are you going to kiss me?” You realise, smile twitching at your lips.

“If you let me.”

You’re nodding as you tug her closer, hand wrapped around the fabric of her shirt. She draws your face closer with her hands and when you kiss, everything falls into place.

Her lips are just slightly chapped, but they move gently, perfectly, with your own. In all your wildest daydreams, you’d never allow yourself to imagine this, and you chase her lips as she pulls back , small sound of complaint escaping you in a sharp sigh.

“Oh, don’t worry.” She grins, “I intend to kiss you for hours sometime”

“Oh?”

“It gives me something to do during your crappy film choices-“

You step back with a roll of your eyes, but she catches you with an arm around her waist, grinning gleefully.

“I love you too.” She says softly.

And you soften against her, balancing yourself on her shoulder, and she gives you a look of utter enchantment. You wonder how you’ve never noticed it before, all that love in those ocean eyes.

“Holy shit.” You exhale, smiling.

She rolls her eyes, unravelling herself from your waist as you laugh. When she grabs your hand, she guides it into her pocket, and through a grin, you almost point out what a terrible rom-com cliche she’s entertaining.

“Let’s go.”

“Where?”

“To the video store, so we can rent as many shitty rom-coms as Steve will let us, and I can kiss you, for hours.”

[guillotinebypierre]

Kim Chaewon.

Ex- IZ*ONE member and now the leader of kpop monster rookies LE SSERAFIM. All that at the young age of twenty-two.

Back in April 2021, when the day of judgement, as many netizens like to call it, came, many were asking what would become of the girls Korea and the rest of the world knew and loved.

Fast forward a year and a half and you got your answer: they remained relevant, with some of them even being direct competitors nowadays.

With her already established fanbase, her cute and sexy looks and the sheer size of the company that HYBE or BigHit, if you want to be old school, is, nobody questioned whether or not LE SSERAFIM would be successful once they fearlessly rolled up on the kpop scene.

Success was almost immediate, with records being broken left and right, one song charting better than the other and online following growing.

With that also came a busier schedule.

A busier schedule that Kim Chaewon had to juggle amidst a secret relationship.

A secret relationship you ask? Well, turns out that Chaewon was never really alone after IZ*ONE went separate ways. Quite the opposite actually. Back when she had noone, you appeared.

Y/n L/n. The newly introduced member of already established boy group NCT. The maknae, being 17 years of age when first brought to the scene in 2020.

Y/n L/n, the same man many people, celebrities and netizens alike, are calling "Korea's Golden Boy" and "Korea's IT Boy", even though he is a foreigner.

Back in 2021, when you heard the news of IZ*ONE disbanding during a VLive...

-Flashback, 29 April 2021, the IZ*ONE incident-

"-yeah so as I was saying I'm really excited for our new comeback! Producing with Mark-hyung has been going very smoothly and I've been having so much fun", Y/n said while scrolling through Twitter on his phone.

Suddenly his heart stops beating for a second. His mouth opens, tears starting to form in his eyes. He stared at his phone and with every passing second it felt like his world was being crushed.

He couldn't believe it.

The chat was going crazy. The viewers weren't dumb. Anybody in the fandom knew that Y/n was a WIZ*ONE .He had been caught buying their albums multiple times. Fans had spotted him with a lightstick at their concerts before and he always ran around with a photocard of a different member in his phone case. Anyone with a pair of functioning braincells and access to social media at that moment could guess why the boy was suddenly so distraught.

"No fucking way this is true. This can't- this can't be true. I don't want to fucking believe it!", Y/n screamed as he threw his phone away, at this point not even giving a fuck whether he could curse on live or not.

"Now what the hell am I supposed to do? I was having such a good day and then I have to see some bullshit like this? What was the reason man? What about the girls?", he said while now pacing around his room.

"I'm sorry guys but I have to end the live sooner then expected. I'll catch you tomorrow, please take care of you and stay safe!"

He immediately went through his following list on Instagram and decided to text the person he cared for the most.

"Hey Chaewon are you alright? I just saw the news and I want to tell you that I'm here for you if you ever need anything. I know we've only talked on music shows before but you and your members inspired me so much, I really care deeply for you girls. Take care of yourself and stay safe, love you :)"

As soon as he hit send he wanted to punch himself in the face.

"This is so corny WHY DID I SAY 'LOVE YOU' "

Just as he went into the chat and wanted to unsend the message, he saw that Chaewon was typing

"Hey, Y/n. Thank you for the kind message, I really appreciate you. I'm not doing all too well right now, would you mind giving me your number? I really need someone to talk to right now."

-Flashback end-

Ever since then Y/n's and Chaewon's relationship started blossoming. He stood by her through everything. Through the lowest moments she had, the many panic attacks and sleepless nights, but also through her highest moments, like her (new) debut.

They started dating a few months after they started talking and to Y/n, Chaewon was the closest anything or anyone would ever get to 'perfection'.

Every moment he spent with her was like a gift from god himself to Y/n. He cherished every second with her, no matter how insignificant. Every time she called him he would pick up, any message she sent would be replied to almost instantly.

In short, he was completely, with his entire being, heads over heals for the small fearless girl.

He loved everything about her. Her cute face, pure skin, her beautiful nose.

Her cheeks that looked like cheeseballs, her full lips, her perfect eyebrows.

Whenever he slept over he would wake up extra early just to stare at her face a bit longer.

And that brings us to the point we are at right now.

With Chaewon's aforementioned growth in popularity there was bound to be activities that would be held outside of her mother country South Korea.

Today she had a flight to Japan to do a shoot for a popular magazine. The flight was at three in the afternoon, which means in five hours, and everything was already packed. All she needed to do was to make sure she started her trip to the airport atleast three hours before the flight itself, which means she only has two hours left.

"Where do you thing you're going, baby?", a raspy voice called out to her as soon as she tried getting out of bed

That person whomst the voice belonged to got up and continued saying

"Chaewon I'm serious please come back to bed I barely saw you last week, I still need you baby."

"Y/n, no. I need to get going, my flight is in a few hours. And I know that if I lay down next to you I'll start doing things that will make my time schedule significantly ", Chaewon argued.

"I'm not even going to question what you mean by that but come back to bed please. Don't make me get up and carry you back."

"I would love to see you try."

Not being one to turn down a challenge, you swiftly stood up with newfound energy and swooped your girlfriend off of her feet and threw her on the bed before laying down on top of her.

"Yah Y/n I can't breathe move you pabo", Chaewon whined.

"I'll move if you give me a kiss"

"I'm not falling for that again, the last time you bargained like that I had to wear make up for a week straight on my neck because your 'kiss' led to you sucking in my neck and giving me hickeys. Now move baby please"

"I'll move if you stay just five more minutes with me in bed"

"Y/nn we both know that those five minutes will quickly lead to something else thats gonna be a lot longer than just five minutes. Please just move."

"If I move you'll try to get out"

"I promise I won't"

Chaewon looked you in the eyes and used a forbidden tactic, the puppy eyes.

You both knew you couldn't resist, so reluctantly, you gave in.

However, as soon as you moved off she tried getting away. Having seen that from a mile away, though, you grabbed both of her hands and held them above her head.

"I thought you wouldn't move away jagi? Why lie to me this early in the morning? I think this calls for some type of punishment, don't you think?", Y/n told her

"Y/n I don't think now is the time I mean what if I miss my- Ahhh"

Not even listening to Chaewon's worries you immediately latch on to her sweet spot.

"Y-Y/n please- Ahh please slow down with the marks I have a photoshoot later on and I didn't plan on making it known that we're a thing today", Chaewon told you.

"You know baby, you tell me to stop marking you but you're pressing my head even harder against your neck. I don't believe you", Y/n said before diving down and giving her more hickeys.

Chaewon tasted sweet. You did not know whether that was due to her natural scent or because of some bodywash she just used, all you knew was that it is addictive.

"Chae take that shirt off immediately."

Chaewon, being caught off guard by your sudden request fumbled a bit and took some time to lift the shirt of her body.

You, however, could not wait any longer so you just ripped the shirt in half

"Hey that was expensive-" "I'll buy you as many of these as you want just let me lick your body right now", Y/n interrupted her.

You continued sucking on her skin, making sure to enjoy and cherish every single second while also making sure to tease her by skipping her breasts.

Just as she was about to complain you delve down and took in her left nipple into your mouth, the sudden warm sensation giving her some form of satisfaction she had been yearning for ever since you started attacking her body with your tongue.

Kissing, nibbling, biting and sucking on her light brown nipples while making sure to use your hand on the other one.

After a while you switched and made sure to give the other nipple the same treatment.

Chaewon was a mess at this point. Head pressing back into the pillow, eyes rolled backwards, back arched, using one of her hands to press your head even deeper into her body while the other scratched your now bare back.

You noticed a switch in her attitude, however. Her grip tightened, her breathing became even more uncontrolled and messy and she was louder.

So you stopped and raised your head a bit to admire the state your girlfriend was in.

"What did you really think I would let you come that quick baby? I still haven't forgiven you for rejecting me this morning because of this stupid flight.", Y/n said while smirking at her.

"Y/n what the f-aAHH" "Wow you're this wet just because of my mouth? You know, this is making me really hungry. I hope you don't mind me having breakfast in bed Chae.", You cut her off by putting your hand on her (still) covered, wet pussy.

You got back to your earlier position, this time going further down and licking and kissing her entire midsection.

Chaewon was proud of her abs and you were too so you made sure she got the notice.

Reaching the main attraction, you started by kissing along her thighs, licking and nibbling at her skin while ignoring her wet core.

You took a pillow and placed it under her lower back and then, finally, took off her panties with your mouth, while making sure to hold eye contact with the sweating, blushing mess infront of you.

After taking her underwear off you were greeted by a familiar sight, Chaewon's tight, pink pussy.

She was wet and you were thirsty, so of course you dove straight in. You licked around her labia before finding her clit and sucking on it.

You pressed down on Chaewon's stomach and just like that it was like a waterfall of sweet nectar opened into your mouth. You lapped up as much as you could, like a thirsty dog, not wanting to waste any of her juices.

You knew Chaewon was still sensitive but that didn't matter to you. You continued eating her out while now also fingering her, a combination that ultimately culminated with a second orgasm for Chaewon.

"That was just- wow Y/n", Chaewon said while panting.

"Let me repay the favor", she added with newfound strength flipping you on your back.

Chaewon slowly slid down your now exposed upper body, making sure to leave some marks of her own on your abs until finally getting to the main course.

Your erection was painfully obvious by now as your girlfriend was able to see the bulge.

Not wanting to waste any time, she pulled your pants and underwear down in one swift motion and was immediately hit in her face by your member.

She slowly kissed the tip, taking little cat licks on your head while innocently looking up and meeting your eyes.

Seeing the look of lust and desperation in your eyes, she decided it was enough teasing and in one go took most of your dick inside her mouth.

"Oh my god Chaewon you're doing me so well baby", Y/n moaned while throwing his head back.

Chaewon smiled at the sudden compliment and now added a second hand to the equation with which she stroked the part of your shaft that didn't fit inside her mouth.

The room was filled with slurping noises as Chaewon, filled with your cock, produced what seemed like litres of saliva that was now both coating your entire cock and her chin, slowly dripping down onto the mattress.

Your moaning and groaning never stopped, however Chaewon felt you pulsate inside her mouth, which gave her all the information she needed.

In one brave motion Chaewon forced your entire member into her mouth, making it hit the very back of her throat and that seemed to push you over the edge, making you erupt like a geyser inside her, painting her throat white and filling her stomach with your warm and sticky seed.

"God bless you for being a fitness freak and having a healthy diet because you taste amazing baby", Chaewon replied after opening her mouth to show you that she swallowed all of it.

"That was- wow Chaewon I thought I'd black out for a minute right there", Y/n replied while breathing heavily.

Chaewon smiled at the comment and slowly made her way into Y/n's lap.

"If you thought that was mind blowing you'll actually pass out during the main course."

She straddled Y/n and slowly inserted his cock into her hungry pussy.

Both of them threw their heads back, almost in sync, overwhelmed with the pleasure.

Y/n looked at Chaewon and it was like he fell in love for the first time again. The way the light bounced off her face, highlighting her nose and her shiny lips. The way her eyes were shut closely while her mouth hung open.

Everything about her is just perfect.

So perfect that a switch turned on in Y/n's brain. A switch that made his hormones go overboard.

He embraced Chaewon with his strong arms and pushed her close into his body, thrusting up with all his might and immediately making her moan.

"Ugh- righ- right there Y/nn. You're dOing me so good babY~", Chaewon praised him.

Y/n got faster and harder. He held his girfriends petite frame delicately while absolutely destroying her pussy.

The subtleness of the moans now completely out of the window as Chaewon was screaming so loud Y/n wouldn't be surprised if any people passing by their street heard her.

In moments like these Y/n thanked himself for exercise because he managed to built up a very strong stamina throughout the years.

Meanwhile Chaewon was scratching his back, surely drawing blood at this point, while also pressing her head against his traps and biting them as a way to silence her moans.

To Y/n this was an indicator that she was close to her second orgasm of the morning, so he removed one arm from her back and started playing with and rubbing her clit.

Almost instantly, resembling a dam being broken, Chaewon squirted, drenching Y/n's midsection and their sheets with her love juices.

Chaewon was on cloud nine, overwhelmed by pleasure. Pleasure, that did not stop as Y/n continued pounding the small woman into oblivion.

"Y- Y/nn AHHH I'm sti-lL sensitive-", she said while gripping hard against his back with her remaining strength.

Y/n, however, didn't care as he now flipped both of them, laying Chaewon on her back and fucking her in a mating press position.

The overstimulation was too much and so Chaewon reached her climax again.

Her back arched like a cat, her legs violently shook, her nails dug deeper into Y/n's muscular back and her eyes rolled even further back into her skull.

Her mouth hung open, tongue out and moaning the name of her lover.

Y/n felt Chaewon's insides clench, sucking him in like a vacuum and making him hit even further depths than before. He felt every single crevice of her inner walls as he relentlessly pounded into the love of his life.

Soon Y/n felt a familiar feeling coming.

The burning sensation in his core, the pulsating of his cock, it all pointed towards one inevitable thing.

"Chae-" "INSIDE- OHHH", Chaewon cut him off

Y/n's thrusts started becoming slower and slower, sloppier in their execution until he gave one last deep thrust and started flooding Chaewon's insides with his warm fluids.

It was like a waterfall, seemingly endless as he dumped every last drop inside his girlfriend, who came again due to the warm feeling inside her.

Y/n stayed in position for a good 50 seconds until finally pulling out and taking a good look at the mess he created.

His girlfriend was sprawled out, a sweaty mess, messy hair sticking to her forehead but most importantly, leaking his cum.

The bedsheets were completely ruined, drenched in a mixture of cum and sweat from the both young lovers.

He looked at Chaewon and saw her glistening skin, her perky chest rising and falling and the satisfied grin on her face while looking at him.

Y/n smiled back but suddenly the smile turned into a frown as he looked at the bedside table.

"Chae what time did you say you had to leave again?", Y/n asked while slowly walking into the bathroom.

"What do you mean- OH MY GOD Y/N I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL KILL YOU", Chaewon screamed as she looked at the clock next to her and saw that it was one thirty in the afternoon.

She sprinted through her room and took the quickest shower you had ever seen.

Knowing what would come next, you also washed yourself and put on better clothes.

"You will drive me to the airport and you better pray to god that I don't miss this photoshoot or else you won't fuck me for a whole MONTH", your girlfriend scolded you as you walked into the parking lot of the HYBE building.

"Hi Seonghyun-hyung? Yeah it's me Y/n. I'm with Chaewon right now and I wanted to call to tell you that we won't make it to the airport on time because of traffic. I'm really sorry for the circumstances but is there any way we could reschedule the photoshoot for a few hours? We will still be flying today but we won't be there on time.", Y/n told Chaewon's manager while sweating as he saw his girlfriend stare daggers into him.

-Time skip to a few hours later at the airport-

Chaewon was still somewhat ignoring Y/n while using her phone instead until she suddenly got a message from her members.

Fearless group chat

Jen🦒: Yah Chaewon unnie a lot of HYBE trainees have complained about the noise earlier this morning. You and a certain Y/n wouldn't know anything about that would you?👀

Kkura🌸: Ohh he did you good again didn't he Chae? By the way the trainees described it it sounded like someone was getting murdered inside your room😂😭

Zuha🦢: Not someone, something unnie. It wasn't our 🐆 fho, more like her 🐱 🫣🫢

Jen🦒: ZUHA😭😭😭ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ

Kkura🌸: @/Chaechae🐆 the fake maknae is being rude are you really gonna take that?👀👀

Zuha🦢: Unnie I don't think she can take much more after what Y/n oppa gave her earlier this morning😭😭😭ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ

Jen🦒: 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

Kkura🌸:🤣🤣🤣😭😭😭😭

Manchae🐈: Chaewon unnie when will we see Y/n oppa again?

Jen🦒: Yes unnie I would love to spend some time with Y/n too🫣🫢

Kkura🌸: Me2👀😶

Zuha🦢: Me3 Unnie🥰

Chaewon sighed and grabbed Y/n's arm

"Baby I'm happy we're talking again but where are you bringing me?"

"I'm frustrated, horny and the VIP lounge has champagne.", Chaewon quickly replied

"Frustrated, horny and champagne? This reminds me of that thing we did when fearless got its first win. Remember that time I wet you down with champagne?", Y/n replied while smirking.

"Yes and we're doing it again. Now.", Chaewon smirked back and went into the private jet with Y/n and the bottle of champagne she got from the VIP lounge.

--------------------------------------------------------------

[resi4skz]

A drabble because I had to write it down when I thought of it. Please don't mind my writing as I'm a new writer :(

Pairing: Chan(producer) x Y/N(female reader)

Title: Second Chances

When you know the person you love gets sweeped of her feet by another and all you....I can do is watch her be happy and in love. So much love that she invites me to her wedding as her bridesman. I couldn't refuse. Not when it's Y/N. She's my best friend and the only person who I relied on when my music career was starting off. She was there to pick me up when I had bad days. She was there to take care of me when I was sick as a dog and cured me till I was well enough to go back to work.

Now as I stand at the altar and watch her walk down the aisle. She was breathtaking. Her eyes shined holding the galaxy in them and the smile on her face brought a sudden boost of serotonin in everyone. She was like that. She was the one who cheered everyone up, including me. The room was brighter with her in it.

I catch her eyes and she smiles. It hurts. It hurts to know I never got to tell her my true feelings. I give her thumbs up as she walked to her husband-to-be, Shaun. They were in love, I knew that for sure. They met in her last year college and they hit it off right away. I had never seen her so happy. It hurt, my heart not be able to see her with him.

I watch as they read their vows and kiss, binding their future together. And then they both run outside, sit in a car and drive off to their lives together. Smiling, I watch the car fade into a dot. A tap on my shoulder brings me back to reality and turn to see her best friend and her boyfriend, Han, who's also my best friend too. "Will you be okay?" Luna asked.

"Yes," I replied, smiling and glance at Han. "I'll be fine."

"I know it must've been hard to see her go," Han said, patting my arm.

"Guys," I sighed. "It's not the end of the world. I've got my music and she got her happy ending. That's all that matters to me."

Or so I thought.

Because a few years later, I'm back in Korea. My music career took off and decided to move back to Seoul. It was a nice change for once and the environment took some time to get used to but knowing korean was a big advantage for me. It helped me a lot during the first few months here. I had help from Han as he also moved here with Luna and started their lives together.

On the way back to my apartment, I decided to stop by at the convenience store to buy some snacks. As I'm picking up a ramen pack, I freeze as I hear a familair voice. "Mom, I'm not going over with you on this one. Shaun and I are different now. It's best if-"

I hear her sigh. "Mom. I'm going to go. I'll call you when I know you won't berate me for picking a life that doesn't make me miserable anymore. Bye."

My eyes frantically search the store. It can't be. It can't be her. Then everything around me fades as I see her. Long black hair down to her back, wearing a very baggy shirt and tights that showed off her curves.

It can't be.

All the feelings and emotions that I had stored away come rushing back hitting me like a ton of bricks. All these years, I had always yearned for her. I wanted to be with her all the time. But now as she stand at the cash register speaking fluent korean, I'm rooted to my spot. Chan, you idiot, MOVE. It's only when she disappears from sight, that I sprint outside, after her.

"Y/N!"

She stops walking and turns around. Her eyes go wide. "Channie?"

Smiling, and nervous, I approach her. "Fancy seeing you here."

"Channie, what are you doing here?" She asked. A genuine question.

"I moved back here."

"Oh."

"What brings you here? Are you and Shaun visiting here?"

She blinks at me. Oh, way to go Chan, you just made her uncomfortable. "Shaun and I aren't together anymore."

"What?"

"Yeah, him and I didn't work out. He wanted different things. I wanted different things. So we decided to divorce," she replied.

"When?"

"Last May."

I take a step forward. "Why didn't you tell me?"

She shrugs her shoulders. "I wanted to but so much happened that I never got around to it."

She had eyebags under eyes and she looked like she hadn't been sleeping well. "Are you okay?"

Her eyes meet mine. "Yes."

But I knew her. She wasn't fine. "Starshine, you know you can't lie to me."

"Channie, I....I can't," she whispered.

Taking another step forward, I wrap my arms around her enveloping her in a hug. "It's okay. You don't need to put the tough act in front of me. You know I can see right through you, Starshine."

I hear her sob before her arms go around me. And she finally lets go.

-----------------------------------------------------------

A couple of weeks go by, Y/N and I have been meeting up for coffee and lunch almost every day, catching up on the lost time. "So, Mr. Producer, when do I get to listen to the songs you made?"

I sip on my tea. "Say when and I'll take you to the studio."

It was so cute seeing her eyes light up like a child given candy. I chuckle. "Can we go now?"

Glancing down at my watch, I nod. "Sure. Let's finish our drinks and I'll drive us to the studio."

20 mins later...

I open the door to the studio and walk inside, with Y/N trailing behind me. I hear her whistle. "Wow. You weren't kidding when you said your music took off. It really did take off."

I chuckled. "Impressed?"

"Very."

Something in my heart blooms hearing her say that. "Have a seat." I turn everything on and wait for the screen light up. Opening my MacBook, I open a file and click play.

The sound comes through the speakers sitting on the desk, the melody immediately playing. Then my voice comes on and I feel my ears warming.

I'm never letting go

Let's go on a little walk, see the world outside

Don't wanna let you go

The way that you give me your hands, I'll fly

At times when I feel down or empty

You're always beside me

Promise that I'll love you plenty

I hope this'll never end for eternity

Lowering the volume, I swivel my chair around, facing her. "So?"

"Is that you singing?"

"Yeah," I rub the back of my neck. "It's pretty bad, I know."

"Are you kidding?" She says, smiling. "Channie, you voice is lovely! Why didn't you tell me you also sing?"

I laugh nervously. "The topic never came up."

"So, you're not just good looks after all."

I whipy head at her. "What?"

She rolls her eyes. "Like you don't know how many girls threw themselves at you and you never even looked at them."

"So? It's not like I was looking for anything," I replied.

"Why not?"

"Y/N, you don't want to know," I turn back around and turn everything off.

"But why not? There are a lot of women that would kill to date you."

Sighing, I stand and turn around. "But I don't want to date them."

Now she stand up. "Is there someone you like?"

I don't reply to her question. "Oh my, there is!"

"Y/N, just...."

"Who is it?"

Sighing, I turn for the door but she stops me by grabbing my arm. "Let go, Y/N."

"Tell me who the girl is and I'll let go your arm."

"Y/N, I don't want to talk on such things." I close my eyes, trying to hold onto the thin thread of my breaking point.

"Channie, we're best friends. If not me, who are you going to tell?" I know she means well but then goes and tugs at my arm. The thread breaks and I turn around, gripping her arms, I swivel around her and shove her against the door. "Chan, wha-"

"I told you to drop it. I told you to leave it alone but you just had to test my patience." I step forward, invading her privacy. "You want to know who it is I like?"

Her cheeks turn pink but nods, blinking up at me.

"It's you," I confess and take a big step back.

"What?"

"It's," I laugh. "It's always been you, Y/N. Even before you got married." I look at her and immediately regret telling her. "I know this must be a lot to take in but I promise you, I will never act on my feelings because I know you don't feel the same."

Then in slow mo, I watch her walk up to me. "Pabo," she whispers as she leans up, placing her lips on mine. When she pulls away, she smiles at me. "Who told you I don't feel the same? I've had a crush on you since high school."

I blink, once, twice and three times. "What....uhm. What?"

She snorts, laughing softly. "I'll admit I fell for Shaun and we chose different paths. And after running into you again, I felt alive again. You made me be me again. Thanks to you, I'm looking forward to everything. Because if it weren't for you, I'd have ki-"

"Don't you dare say it," I growled. I place my hands around her neck, making her look at me. "Never say that."

"Okay," she says but it came out as a whisper. "Chan-"

I don't waste another second and crash my lips down on hers. I always imagined what kissing her would feel like. But this was beyond my imagination. He soft lips opened, letting me invade her mouth. She tasted like strawberries. So sweet.

We break apart, our foreheads touching. "This mesns our friendship is doomed."

She bites her lip and giggles. "Second chances are one of a kind, at least for me."

And she was right. Second chances are one of a kind. But for me, this was the only kind of love I wanted to keep and cherish for the rest of my life.

[changsbin]

[9:17PM] kim seungmin is not a morning person. every sense is overwhelming when he first wakes up. he opens his eyes, and it is immediately too bright. he can hear the routine drone of the crow that has seemingly nested right outside of the bedroom window. the feeling of sweat beading on his forehead has him shoving the covers away from his body, closer to you. as he tastes his morning breath, he almost gags—and the smell does him no favors either.

the fundamental components of morning are simply too much for him; seungmin is a night owl through and through. every day, the sun casts beautiful, gold-tinted shadows across the planes of his face, and you find him alluring as he settles into the evening’s peaceful embrace. seungmin has told you before that nighttime is relaxing—the day’s happenings have passed, his stomach is full, and he gets to spend time with you. and, in this regard, seungmin is a maximalist; he makes sure to watch at least 3 episodes of a drama with you before transitioning to your customary gossip sessions. after, he shuffles around in his backpack and digs out his ancient wired earphones, and the two of you trade song recommendations for so long that hours pass by like seconds.

you know and understand seungmin’s quirks like the back of your hand. he loves to have pop music playing through the speakers while you’re talking about your days. he hates the heaviness of the fluffy blanket while you’re watching tv, but tolerates it because he hates being separated from you even more. above all, however, he is adamant about health and cleanliness; seungmin refuses to sleep anywhere other than the comfort of your shared bed.

which explains your genuine concern for his well-being when you enter your living room only to find him comatose adjacent on the couch. his arm is hanging off the edge, and his fingers are brushing the carpet—you have to give him a once-over just to make sure he hasn’t stopped breathing. but, after your initial panic, a warm smile dances on the corners of your lips.

on a normal day, this is around the time when the two of you would turn on hometown cha cha cha. tonight, however, your knees press into the floor as you settle near seungmin’s head and gently fold his discarded arm over his chest. tilting your head to rest against his shoulder, you make yourself small to admire his natural beauty for as long as you are able. you watch the perpetual rise and fall of your lover’s chest, accompanied only by the quiet snore he produces on the inhale. in this unusual quietude, you swear the subtle beating of his heart is all the more audible.

“kim seungmin,” you murmur while tracing the bridge of his nose, “what happened to our hometown cha cha cha screening? don’t tell me you’re bailing ... ” you continue along your path, and the pads of your fingers make it to his plush bottom lip before his eyelids begin to flutter open. you feel him smile under your touch, and the lighting of the room grows dim at the mere conceptualization of seungmin’s happiness.

he hums, and the vibrations tickle your fingers. “i would never,” he chuckles through sleep, “i was just waiting for your glorious return.”

“mmh, glorious indeed,” you giggle before standing from your spot on the floor.  “oh, also—there’s leftover seolleongtang in the kitchen. you know ... if you need some comfort after realizing that you’ve just napped someplace that isn’t under our covers.”

seungmin shudders at your words and pries himself away from the drooling jaws of exhaustion. his eyes are slightly swollen, and the hair at the back of his head is visible as he looks up at you. the glow emanating from the lamp frames his bedhead to create a halo, and for a moment, his lips move but you don’t hear anything—too enraptured by his presence.

“[y/n] ... you okay?”

directing your lovesick gaze back to his eyes, the amount of adoration held in your heart for kim seungmin hits you tenfold. craning your neck, you place a soft kiss on the top of his head and card your fingers through his wild, likely-still-gel-ridden hair. “more than.” pausing, you offer him a stupid grin, “so ... dinner and a show?”

seungmin scoffs to hide the sincere laughter threatening to spill from his mouth, “obviously.”

[my-own-walker]

Someone You've Never Seen Before

A Kyle Spencer Fan Fiction

frat!kyle AU, fem!main character, sexual themes, mature language, use of drugs and alcohol, frat boy antics

15.

*TW for this chapter: Proceed with caution if SA-themes trigger you. If things don't seem right at a party, find a friend! Get out of the situation. And make sure you cover your drink!*

KYLE'S POV

I got to Kappa Alpha around 10 p.m. I got coerced into going by Lance, one of my brothers, while eating a late-night snack in the house's kitchen. In the dim light of the room, he begged me to come with him between gulps of milk (drank straight from the carton, mind you) as I ate an apple.

Submitting to his will, I threw on some jeans, and a pair of sneakers, and left to begin yet another weekend of drinking. That was about all I knew how to do anymore.

The KA house was already almost at capacity when we got there. I wasn't sure of the details of the party, just that there was one, and that it was at KA. I followed Lance blindly, and there I was. Some people were dressed way too nicely for a regular function, which led me to believe that this may have been the afterparty for a formal.

I slithered through the droves of people, saying hi to people I recognized as I went. I wanted to get to the drinks, and I wanted to get to the drinks fast. 

Then, there she was, leaning against the wall in the living room, wearing a pretty dress. She spoke closely with a decently tall guy. I tried to make out who it was without staring too hard. I decided to temporarily pause my quest for a drink and have a little stakeout. Seeing her there, so happy, made my chest hurt.

I spotted a place on a couch against the opposite wall and set my sights on it. I settled there for the moment, finding myself in a front-row seat to a scene I didn't want to see. Julian Garcia chatting Hannah up. 

I knew of Julian, but not much at all. I knew he was KA. I knew he was a senior. But that was about where my knowledge stopped.

He bent down dramatically to speak to her, in my opinion,  trying to appear taller than he truly was. I thought I might hurl. Although, he was more her type. I could see it instantly. The glimmer in her eyes as she took him in hurt to look at. She was different. He was, too.

My breath hitched as I watched him touch her, both of his hands holding onto her shoulders. Then, he spun her around and began guiding her through the sea of people toward the wall the couch I was sitting on was on. I shrunk down in the seat, still keeping an eye on the two. Julian produced a key from his pocket and unlocked the door in front of them. I felt sick seeing him pull her in and shut the door behind them.

It hurt to watch her enjoy someone so much. I wondered if she enjoyed her time with me that much. I felt homesick for arms that didn't want to hold me anymore.

Deciding I couldn't take it anymore, I stood quickly and walked with determination to the kitchen.

The dining room table had become a makeshift pong table. The counters were littered with bottles of beer and liquor. I spotted Lily Davies in the corner, watching the pong game. I made a beeline for the beer, grabbing one, twisting the bottle open swiftly, and knocking it back.

+

"Kyle?" a panicked voice asked from behind me. "Kyle!"

I turned around in the wrong direction at first, so I backtracked, finally seeing Lily standing behind me in the basement. Her face was contorted with worry. "Hey, uh, Lily." I migrated to the basement to get away from the possibility of seeing Hannah and Julian flirting. Seeing Lily Davies took me aback, though. Hearing her address me shook me even more.

She's here to yell at me, I thought. She's here to tell me off for what I did. I don't blame her. She should just hit me. I'm such a-

"Is Hannah with you?" she yell-asked sternly over the loud music.

I looked around, dumbfounded. "N-no?" I answered, utterly confused as to why she'd be asking.

"Fuck, okay," she groaned. "I don't know why I even asked you." The way she spat the word "you" hit me like a knife to the heart. It only confirmed that Hannah hated me.

"Why? What's going on?" I asked, concerned.

"I can't fucking find her," she shouted, looking down at her phone.

"Have you tried texting her?" I suggested, trying my best to help and maybe right a wrong.

She scoffed and rolled her eyes. "A world of good that would do, huh?" she snarked, producing a second phone, Hannah's phone, from the front of her dress. "She gave it to me when we got here."

"I- I can help you look, or-"

"Something just feels wrong. I don't know. Something feels wrong," Lily rambled. "No one can tell me where she is, like, no one's seen her."

"I've seen her," I asserted, my eyes growing wide. "She went into Julian Garcia's room last I saw."

"Oh my god!" she yelled, exasperated. "Lead with that, Spencer!" She turned on her heel and stormed toward the stairs. I followed her, because she was right, something felt wrong. Her short-statured form led the way, parting the crowd as she stomped into the living room. She stopped dead in her tracks in the middle of the room and then turned around to face me. 

"What?" I asked.

"Fucking following me, Kyle?" she spat.

"I- listen I'm sorry, but if you feel like something's wrong then I feel like something's wrong, I- I-"

"You never told me which room is Julian's. Is he upstairs?"

"N-no his door is right over there," I replied, pointing in the direction of the room I had just seen Hannah disappear into under an hour ago. Lily spun around again and walked quickly toward the door. Once again, I followed. 

She tried the knob to no avail. She shook it a few times before giving up. "I can't fucking get it open!" she yelled. Her fist made forceful contact with the door multiple times. 

"Let me try," I said, calmly, gently guiding her out of my way with the back of my hand. I grabbed the doorknob and attempted to turn it. It didn't budge. I beat my palm on the door a few times before resting my ear against it, trying to hear what was going on inside.

It was silent at first. Then I heard a female voice whimper. They're fucking, I thought, rolling my eyes. The thought was cut short, though, by a male's harsh voice. "Shut the fuck up!" he hissed. My stomach dropped. Shit. Shit. 

"Lily, move back," I warned through gritted teeth, as calmly as I could. "In fact, get the people around this door to move the fuck back."

Lily stumbled backward with a horrified look on her face and began pushing people away from me. I stepped back and took a deep breath, steeling myself, trying to remember what I had learned on the internet. Right next to the knob. Next to the knob. You got it. Go.

I planted my left foot and kicked the door with my right, right next to the doorknob. It flew open flimsily.

The scene inside stole my breath and made my head buzz with rage. Julian was on top of Hannah, his hand planted firmly over her mouth. She was clothed, but probably wouldn't have been for long. Julian's head snapped up, a sinister expression on his face.

"Get the fuck off of her," I screamed, charging the bed. Julian flipped off of her and scrambled to stand in the middle of the room, his hands up in the air.

"Hey, man, I don't walk in on you when you're trying to fuck," he contended. 

I glanced over at Hannah and saw her, eyes closed, moving sluggishly with a pained expression on her face. She tried to flutter her eyelids open, but she couldn't physically keep them that way for long.

"There's something wrong with her. What did you do to her?" I shouted, seeing red. He didn't reply. I started toward him. "What the fuck did you do to her?!"

"She's just too drunk, man," Julian tried, a disgusting smirk on his lips.

"Don't fucking lie!" I yelled, getting in his face. I lowered my voice and through gritted teeth spoke again. "If you tell me what you gave her, I won't call the fucking cops."

He laughed sickly. "Just a roofie, dude," he answered, nonchalantly. "It's no big deal."

Blinding, white-hot rage shut my brain off. It only came back when my fist made contact with Julian's cheek. He stumbled backward and held his cheek. I rushed over to Hannah, who was still slowly writhing in his bed and scooped her up bridal style.

"Fuck, oh my god, fuck," Lily repeated, panicking, as she followed me, carrying Hannah, out of the house. "Kyle, oh my god, is she okay?"

"I don't know yet," I muttered, not seeing anything beyond Hannah, the ground in front of me, and the empty sidewalk just a few yards away from the house. Away from the chaos. I knelt down as soon as I got there, cradling Hannah gently.

"Hannah!" Lily cried out, rushing to kneel in front of me. She touched Hannah's face and got no response. "Oh god." She began to cry. 

"Lily, can you call a ride or something? She got roofied."

"Did he hurt her? Did he touch her? Oh my god," she sobbed, rubbing Hannah's face softly.

"I don't think so, Lily, but we need to get her someplace safe," I insisted. 

"Right," she sniffled, "right, I'll...fuck, I'll call Leon, I don't know." She typed searched for his contact in her phone with shaking hands and pressed the button to call him. She reached him within a few rings and walked a few steps away to talk.

I looked down at Hannah and wanted to cry. She had no idea how badly I wanted to hold her like this again, and for it to be in this context shattered my heart into a million pieces. I brushed a piece of hair out of her face. Her eyes fluttered open for a moment.

"Hey, hey, it's okay. You're okay," I cooed, speaking through the lump in my throat. "I've got you. You're safe."

"Kyle," she mumbled, before closing her eyes again and slumping, her head falling to the side. It felt like all of the air in my lungs got stolen all at once. That single word meant more than she would ever know.

"Leon's on his way," Lily breathed, kneeling back down in front of Hannah. "It's okay Han. We got you, baby girl. We're gonna get you home."

The world closed in on me. I looked down at her face and saw nothing but her. Felt nothing but her. In the middle of the chaos, there was Hannah. I needed to be calm for her. I needed to help her. And that was all that mattered.

Previous Part | Next Part

[scotianostra]

The singer Lonnie Donegan was born on April 29th 1931 in Bridgeton Glasgow.

Donegan was born Anthony James Donegan, the son of a Scottish father and Irish mother. His father was a professional violinist who had played with the Scottish National Orchestra.

He moved with his mother to London at an early age, after his parents divorced. Inspired by blues music and New Orleans jazz bands he heard on the radio, he resolved to learn the guitar, and bought his first at the age of fourteen. He took his first name after a New Orleans blues singer he admired called Lonnie Johnson.

The first band he ever played in was the trad jazz band led by Chris Barber, who approached him on a train asking him if he wanted to audition for his group. Barber had heard that Donegan was a good banjo player; in fact, Donegan had never played the banjo at this point, but he bought one and managed to bluff his way through the audition. His stint in this group was interrupted, however, when he was called up for National Service in 1949.

In 1952, he formed his first own group, the Tony Donegan Jazzband, which found some work around London. On one occasion they opened for the blues musician Lonnie Johnson at the Royal Festival Hall. Donegan was a big fan of Johnson, and took his first name as a tribute to him. The story goes that the host at the concert got the musicians’ names confused, calling them “Tony Johnson” and “Lonnie Donegan”, and Donegan was happy to keep the name.

Donegan recorded a reworking of an American folk tune, Rock Island Line. Decca released the song in 1956, billed by the Lonnie Donegan Skiffle Group. The record, with its talking sequences, homage to Americana, and fast train shuffle climax, became a major hit in Britain and America. Because he was paid a flat fee for the session, Donegan didn’t receive any royalty payments for his most popular and influential song until the label struck a new deal for him 40 years later. However, Rock Island Line made him a star in his own right and would remain his signature song throughout his career.

From 1956 through 1962, he enjoyed a string of 34 British hits including Puttin’ on the Style and Cumberland Gap, which hit number one in 1957, Don’t You Rock Me Daddy-O, which reached number four in the same year, and the raucous sing-along My Old Man’s a Dustman which climbed to the top of the charts in 1960. It’s not hard to see why Lonnie is regarded as the first real pop star, his fans included the likes of Lennon and McCartney, who’s first group, The Quarrymen were a skiffle group. he Shadows, the Searchers, the Hollies, Herman’s Hermits, Gerry & the Pacemakers, and Cliff Richard all began their musical lives doing skiffle.

As the swinging sixties rolled on Donegans hits dried up but he was always in demand for gigs at home and across the world, he also dabbled in a wee bit acting and his own song publishing business, his most popular song he bought the rights for being Nights in white Satin. In the 70’s he popped upon the occasional TV shows during breaks from touring, in 1972 Tom Jones covered one of Lonnie’s songs and it went top 5 on both sides of the Atlantic. As a performer he continued to record and lease unsuccessful sides to Pye, Decca, Black Lion, and RCA.

A 1976 heart attack forced Donegan into an uneasy semi-retirement in California. Two years later, Chrysalis Records organized an all-star recreation of his early hits Puttin’ on the Style. Produced by former British teen idol Adam Faith and boasting duets with Ringo Starr, Elton John, and Rory Gallagher, it was his last major-selling album. Follow-ups with respected session ace Albert Lee and Cajun-fiddler Doug Kershaw seemed to point him towards country music, but a series of heart attacks in 1979 ended his full-time career.

In later years Donegan made a series of guest appearances with old friend Chris Barber including a featured spot on Van Morrison’s Skiffle Sessions: Live in Belfast 1998. Just before his death, he returned to touring full time, exhibiting much of his classic verve and humour before standing-room-only crowds. Donegan died on November 3rd, 2002, in Peterborough.

[euniexenoblade]

Favorite music of 2023 :)

I've found myself dealing with a wave of writer's block, and in my desire to get past it I've decided to write whatever I can. Some people said they'd be interested in me talking about my favorite albums of 2023, so here's a short write up about albums I really liked and I hope everyone will give a try.

I found 2023 to be a pretty spectacular year for weird and interesting music. With artists like Lil Yachty doing a neo-psychedelia album (fantastic, give it a listen) and Avenged Sevenfold doing some progressive avant garde adjacent metal album (I think people are wrongly hating on it, it's spectacular), it shouldn't be too surprising to imagine that the bands the mainstream hasn't really heard of are making wild soundscapes unlike anything you've ever heard.

Kicking this off with one of my favorite Korean bands, Parannoul released two albums this year and they were spectacular - both in my top 10 of the year. Parannoul are a wonderful shoegaze band that create these songs that almost feel hypnotic, they create this dream like state for their songs in ways no other band seems to be able to. After the Magic, their third album, is no different in this, but brings a new warmth, brighter instrumentation, and just in general doesn't feel as self loathing and depressed as previous works. The other release, After the Night, is a live recording, which shows that the band can produce the same dreamlike style on a stage, but do it even better. My second favorite album of the year, this live album is so incredible, zoning out to the 46 minute "Into the Endless Night" while high was probably one of my favorite experiences of the year in and of itself. (Also, if you do chose to check them out, please listen to To See the Next Part of the Dream, it's one of my favorite albums ever made.)

Using Parannoul as a sorta link between things, I also found that they worked on a song on the new Turquoisedeath album, Se bueno. I won't claim to be an expert on drum and bass, but I had a killer time listening to Se bueno. When I discovered Se bueno, I also discovered a few other, more abrasive, albums that I kind of group together in my head. Namely Chaser by femtanyl (digital hardcore) and Sisterhood by lostrushi ("digicore" feels like a frantic version of trap). If you like this kind of music, give them a try, all three are on my list.

Everyone's top albums of the years seem to have their one and two spots stolen away by Javelin and Scaring the Hoes. Starting with the latter, Scaring the Hoes by JPEGMAFIA and Danny Brown is cool as hell. Beats unlike anything I've heard in hip hop before, and the flows of both men really bring it all together. It's a great album (it's my third favorite of the year), but I also think some focus on some other hip hop titles might be cool. Integrated Tech Solutions by Aesop Rock is just as impressive and interesting and deserves your attention. Alongside that Michael by Killer Mike is a fantastic listen, though it doesn't compare to the previously mentioned two, it's still a great album that deserves your time - he won those awards for a reason. The man got arrested at an award show, the least you can do is stream his album once.

Now, as for Javelin by Sufjan Stevens, it's a great album, but it's also such a sad album. His pain is horrible, and he does a great job at making you feel it. However, the music never really hit me like other albums of the year had. The lyrics murder your heart, but I'm a tad past gay pains and want gay joys. Which is why I want you all to listen to Ultra Paradise by Angel Electronics. Half Ada Rook of Black Dresses, half Ash Nerve (I doubt you know him) this is a trans and gay power pop album that's just beautiful and fun. Songs like Return to the Sky and One Thousand and One Nights are fun ear worms, and the rest of the album just has a level of repeatability and a level of joy and fun that most other albums this year didn't have. Is it as technically impressive as Javelin? No. But, shit, it's nice to be happy for once.

Continuing off of this idea, in 2023 we saw transphobia become horrifically rampant, the right wing are really intent to get rid of us. You can't avoid how much this world hates us now and it makes you want to just scream. It creates this feeling of anger, a desire for violence, like we're past being sad and nice and understanding. In 2023 the Hirs Collective put out an album on par with that emotion. We're Still Here is an aggressive grindcore album put together by trans, gay, queer people in general. My favorite release from the band to date, it's fantastic to see Hirs screaming "We're still here!" as the world tries to erase us. This is my favorite album of 2023, please listen to it, please give Hirs your money, they deserve it and you deserve their music.

A few more albums I wanna recommend that I can't really think of anything in depth to say: God Cum Poltergeist by Crisis Sigil (Ada Rook) is a fantastic grindcore album, Goodnight, God Bless, I Love U, Delete by Crosses is a fantastic synthpop adjacent album and I got to see it performed live and it's amazing music, Reborn Superstar! by Hanabie. is a great Japanese metalcore album, and go listen to Kikuo Miku 7 for some rad Hatsune Miku bullshit.

My top 50 music releases of 2023:

We're Still Here by Hirs

After the Night by Parannoul

Scaring the Hoes by JPEGMAFIA & Danny Brown

Dogsbody by Model/Actriz

Desire, I Want to Turn Into You by Caroline Polachek

After the Magic by Parannoul

Goodnight, God Bless, I Love U, Delete. by Crosses

God Cum Poltergeist by Crisis Sigil

uma by betcover!!

Ultra Paradise by Angel Electronics

Reborn Superstar! by Hanabie.

No Joy by Spanish Love Songs

Saved by Reverend Kristin Michael Hayter

Live in Japan by Mass of the Fermenting Dregs

93696 by Liturgy

Resistance and the Blessing by World's End Girlfriend

Kikuo Miku 7 by Kikuo

Javelin by Sufjan Stevens

Integrated Tech Solutions by Aesop Rock

Poil Ueda by Poil & Junko Ueda

Enola Gay by Asia Menor

Upal by Kostnateni

The Loveliest Time by Carly Rae Jepsen

Michael by Killer Mike

Exul by Ne Obliviscaris

Hellmode by Jeff Rosenstock

Hometown to Come by Minhwi Lee

Life is but a Dream... by Avenged Sevenfold

Chaser by Femtanyl

Sadness / Abriction by Sadness / Abriction

O Monolith by Squid

But Here We Are by Foo Fighters

Stone by Baroness

History Books by The Gaslight Anthem

Why Does the Earth Give Us People to Love? by Kara Jackson

Rookie's Bustle by Ada Rook

Futility by Yakui The Maid

Let's Start Here. by Lil Yachty

The Age of Pleasure by Janelle Monae

Bee and the Whales by Galileo Galilei

Zach Bryan self titled

Everything is Alive by Slowdive

Let's Hope Heteros Fail, Learn, and Retire by Alice Longyu Gao

Se bueno by TURQUOISEDEATH

Yoshitsune by Poil & Junko Ueda

Perfect Picture by Hannah Diamond

January Never Dies by Balming Tiger

Jenny From Thebes by The Mountain Goats

Never Falter Hero Girl by Katie Dey

Sisterhood by lostrushi

[rinas4ki]

My seasonal music highlights: winter 2024 🧣

Welcome to a new series of my silly music-blogging. Starting it because I want to regularly properly write about and describe the songs I enjoy, and to present my own candidates for the unofficial “song of the season” awards. I already started an annual fav list for albums/EPs and wanted something less major and more presentable as a little playlist, not really in particular order. Enjoy! Note that I kept the list one song per artist, most have incredible new releases outside of the ones focused on, these are just my picks for the season or my most played. And let me tell you, countless artists are dropping new music and projects left and right and I’m getting FED. This list alone is extremely abundant and we’re barely 2 full months into the year. The competition for this year’s personal favorite album spots and the highlights for the next seasons is about to be real tough. Can’t wait. (GIF source: MV for Cyberia by Meth Math.)

❅ winter again - 4s4ki

What better way to start a songs of the winter list than with THE anthem of this winter season? With her ability to not only pull off but absolutely excel at the different genres she incorporates into her music, 4s4ki simply never disappoints. She went into the studio with a mission to give the famous Last Christmas by Wham! a true successor and the mission was wonderfully accomplished. In this mellow 80s pop influenced track, she channels her inner Cocteau Twins (word to that one YouTube comment in the lyric video) while longing for a loved one that didn’t seem to stay by her side not even to have some canned coffee and bento this holiday season. Now I’m gonna channel my inner platonic delulu and say that it was released just on time, when I was discovering and especially feeling Boy Harsher’s alternative 80s inspired music (collab when?). Ironic how a self-described reverse Christmas song ended up doubling my winter spirits. She never fails to give me exactly what I need. I love this woman. (Big ups to Magic sword but as I mentioned I’m keeping the list one song per artist.)

❅ 4eva - Shygirl feat. Empress Of

You know from my username that I’ve been loving what Shygirl has had to offer for quite a while now, and 4eva was my personal post-Nymph jam ever since I heard a snippet of it back in last September and neither the full studio version nor my intuition let me down. Shygirl’s rapping and Empress Of’s verse over the Kingdom-produced delicious wobbly synths indeed stay playing on my mind. Empress Of’s feature came as a tracklist surprise and I’m more grateful for it than I had expected. The jungle drums in the chorus, and honestly the structure of the song in general were unexpected to me as well, but nevertheless they took part in forming possibly my favorite dance track of 2024. Both the Club Shy EP and 4eva have secured firm spots in my favorites of the year.

❅ Deer Teeth - Sega Bodega

Father of music, first ever man in the music industry, smash hit sorcerer, my favorite producer of all time… However you may refer to Sega Bodega, you can always rely on him to create an entire universe in one record and take you there and back. With Deer Teeth, he tells a story of a sighting of a late mother laid to rest with her child in a swan’s wings along with 200 deer teeth (hence the song title), which brings with itself a tale of hope, sacrifice and eternity. With reversed and distorted vocals, the addition of Mayah Alkhateri’s siren-like voice and obviously Sega’s otherworldly production style, the tale transforms into a cinematic masterpiece in sound form. Extra note: perfect to fall asleep to in a road trip, tried and tested. Both Deer Teeth and his newer single Set Me Free, I’m an Animal are stunning masterpieces, and I know this will make my year-end album list real predictable but SB3 is the most solid candidate for the top spot as of right now. Save me Sega Bodega, save me…

❅ Ex-Girlfriend - Erika de Casier feat. Shygirl

New slow R&B earworms drawing on different nostalgic genres couldn’t be more perfect for the chilly season, especially when they’re delivered by the one and only Erika de Casier. She has this ability to mix the best musical aspects of the near past (namely the 90s/00s) with her very own sensuality, freshness and uniqueness. Her soft vocals over a down-tempo R&B beat to match come after an orchestral, arguably dramatic intro and the melancholic, yearning yet cocky-ish tone is set. Shygirl’s deep, almost raspy voice always shines with slow, gloomy instrumentals (also seen in Lapdance from Asia by Cosha) and this track was no exception, matter of fact it’s now certainly one of my favorite features of hers. I will be returning to this song not only on the colder days of March, but the whole year, or rather until it’s wiped off existence completely.

❅ Cyberia - Meth Math

Before the quirky experimental trio’s slightly overdue, highly anticipated debut album Chupetones (go give the best b-side Pócima a listen too), they released 4 singles and I was not at all aware beforehand of the release of the third one. Pressed play, was impressed, pressed the loop button and the rest (at least 80 plays within the first week) was history. The intro immediately catches your attention, and the descriptions of a sad-looking happily-dancing angel over toot sounds, ripping synths and bonking bass transition into happy hardcore perfection. The 3-second bit before the second chorus gets me the most, it’s like a minuscule break to slow down and reflect on the all the absurdity before resuming the alien dancefloor madness. This banger completes my Meth Math song holy trinity, which is now Tambaleo-Fantasía Final-Cyberia. Add Pócima into the mix if you wanna form the four horsemen. Whatever your personal favorite may be, we can all agree that Meth Math always come at us with excellence.

❅ dOpamine - OnlyOneOf

Hallelujah. We have finally reached an era where all lyOns can live in harmony and sleep in peace instead of fighting over title tracks and new lows for the group’s flaming hot garbage record label. Even their biggest haters (so-called “fans” with a strange superiority complex) were finally praising an OnlyOneOf title track, and with how good it really is I’d be admiring their dedication to hating their own faves if they didn’t. Anyway, dOpamine is one of their best, it really is. I’ve been hoping for them to get on the drum & bass train for quite a while now, and they did it with a bright, twinkling, breakbeat-incorporating twist. They don’t lazily dip their toes into dnb and breakcore and leave it at that though, the buildups and structure of the track stay fascinating and the bridge drifts (should I intend the pun?) into their gritty industrial side before the outro closing out the song on a vocally strong, passionate but never over-the-top note. While the whole mini is exquisite, the lead single ended up being my favorite. Simply put, OnlyOneOf never fail to deliver quality K-pop against all odds.

❅ Sorbet - Kelela (LSDXOXO Remix)

The pre-release singles off of the RAVE:N remix album were all incredible just like its album tracks, however this gem is particularly lingering on me and my February mood. This spin on Sorbet encapsulates the AM club aspect of the project in one re-envisioned tune. Kelela and LSDXOXO, who produced and remixed numerous of her songs, reunite as a power duo to turn the dulcet, sedate Sorbet into a Eurodance-coded amped-up slapper that will get anyone moving. You can tell the song is DJ set opener material from when the first beat kick. The chorus melody sticks to your mind and the late night-like sonic experience becomes unforgettable. The special encounter requiring dim lighting is now set in a flashy rave scene. Completely flipped scenario yet everything makes perfect sense. All in all, Kelela’s vision for her dance records is 20/20 and LSDXOXO’s execution never leaves you hanging either.

❅ Fuetazo - Isabella Lovestory feat. Villano Antillano

Born to embody camp, forced… no, also born to be a hit maker. Isabella is undebatably one of the freshest, most outstanding figures of neoperreo and neoreggaeton, and her eccentric flare still comes through in a single as a (hopefully) pre-album snack. Fuetazo was released early into the season and closed out Isabella’s activities for the year. While the playful chorus introduces a whip that comes and goes, Villano Antillano mentions vacations and 42-inch weaves with her tone that meshes with the cheekiness of the track, and their chopped up vocal bits go back-and-forth in the outro. With the Chicken, Kamixlo and Dinamarca producer trio, the instrumentals can’t go wrong. The hard-hitting dembow drums and the lighter synths and other aspects of the song create a contrast that feels like a breeze, maybe more of a summer one even but a confidence booster gots to stay on rotation regardless of weather or temperature.

❅ Messy Room - The Deep (+ mini EP review)

Had I postponed the release of my 2023 fave project list just a little, the Messy Room EP would have at least scored an honorable mention. For those who need a quick debrief: The Deep is an independent K-alternative artist whose discography radiates coziness and sweetness. Mayhaps I should say sugar, spice and everything nice. Taking part in the production of her music, creative direction and visual curation, she ticks all the boxes for the bedroom pop star that should’ve reached her target audience ages ago. While she’s taken inspiration from R&B and indie and still does, “resurfaced” genres such as UK garage, dnb and Jersey club are fairly newer additions to her range. I love all of these genres as you could tell and I adore the songs in which she uses them (got into her through the UKG bop Muah!), but surprisingly the track that glanced at her “roots” hooked me in the most. Maybe it’s because it contains the core “messy room” atmosphere of the EP, maybe it’s her soft vocals shining brightly, maybe it’s because she has the recipe to making a tune to unwind to. I hope this praise doesn’t sound like a jab at the rest of the EP because not a single skip is detected over there. In Brand New House and BAPPI, The Deep talks about deserving the luxuries and getting to the bag over garage and house beats. bow wow is about confidence despite troubles and annoyances, while 20’s is a self-reflection on the constant search for perfection and attempts to heal. The project is most definitely worth checking out if you want a bit of calm, refreshing new music, or if you’re looking for a multi-skilled artist to support.

One line section (music I loved but honestly don’t have as much to say about, so I fit my thoughts into one line/sentence)

❆ Gold On Me: Mother ABRA is back and I’m definitely checking out Groupthink after this, now it’s time for the album innit 🍽️ (should’ve definitely written about this in more detail but maybe another time soz)

❆ 4 noviosS: While everyone came to Club Shy to play, she entered with pen and paper and a goal.

❆ Perdió Este Culo: I have to give flowers where they’re due, I wish the La Joia album had more quality of this level though. (However shoutout to Sexy, La Que No Se Mueva and Sin Carné.)

❆ TYOSTAR: Can’t tell if their music is aimed at dudebros (disgustingly irritating audience) or hyperpop girlies (slightly less irritating audience) but they scored a night ride hit either way, definitely one of Starkids’ finest to date.

Thankies for getting here, and shoutout to @chuuuvi for pretty much directly fueling my writing process and inspo and @a-moth-to-the-light for inspo as well 😁

[girl4music]

MY TOP 10 FAVOURITE EPISODES OF ‘XENA: WARRIOR PRINCESS’ AND WHY I LOVE THEM SO MUCH

(CONTAINS A LOT OF SPOILERS)

'Xena: Warrior Princess’ is a very influential, inspiring and impactful TV show for me. It is my favourite piece of art/entertainment of all-time and it is the backbone and foundation behind my entire philosophy as a human being on this planet. All the show is great, but it’s the episodes that have given me deep life lessons and helped me understand more about myself and the world around me that matter the most to me. I will give a lengthy explanation as to why each one of these specific favourite episodes in my TOP 10 mean so much to me or what it is about them it’s taught me that has made me a better and more evolved version of myself. There is 134 episodes all in all. From most favourite to least favourite, here are my TOP 10 most favourite episodes of 'Xena: Warrior Princess’ and why I love them so much.

1. S03E12: THE BITTER SUITE

‘The Bitter Suite’ is a musical episode. It combines my love for music and drama into one excellently written, produced, directed and composed episode of the show. But that’s not entirely the reason why it makes the very top of my list, although that’s a huge factor. ‘The Rift’ (as Xenites call it) between Xena and Gabrielle all throughout Season 3 is dealt with and put to rest in this episode. The writers use Yin and Yang and the polarities of love/hate, good/evil and peace/war to represent the importance of friendship, honesty, forgiveness and the ability to put someone you love and care about over yourself in their time of need despite whatever animosity you feel towards them due to past circumstances and situations that broke your heart. They use Yin and Yang several times in the show to give such strong and substantial messages, however, this time takes the winning spot for me. The friendship between Xena and Gabrielle is put to the ultimate test when they fall into this dimension of reality called ‘Illusia’. In this strange, whimsical and colourful place everything is designed to be expressed in song and theatrics. It’s such a clever, artistic and extremely thought-provoking episode. There is a lot it taught me that I unconsciously crafted into my own philosophy of life throughout the years. Also, it was the very first episode I ever saw of the show. They were airing Season 3 in the United Kingdom when I came across it at 5 years old in 1997. Its lessons have remained with me since then but I definitely understand it a lot better now I am a grown adult. If there was ever any episode that you should watch of Xena to introduce you to it… and you really don’t care about spoilers… make it this one. I promise you… you won’t regret it.

2. S03E14: FORGIVEN

‘Forgiven’ deals with the themes of forgiveness and redemption. As you may know, the entire concept to the show is about a Warrior Princess named Xena who fights for the good of mankind to redeem herself from her past sins and be forgiven by the world of which she caused immense damage and pain to. So redemption and forgiveness are the biggest and most reiterated themes and overall messages in the show. But never more so prominent and profound than in this episode. We meet a young girl named Tara that reminds Xena of how she used to be before she became an evil warlord. Lost and confused, hanging around the wrong people, doesn’t understand the difference between right and wrong. She picks a fight with Gabrielle to show Xena she’d make a better sidekick. Initially this girl really pissed me off. I thought she was very arrogant and well out of her league to think that she could replace Gabrielle in Xena’s life. But like Gabrielle, I warmed up to her when she crumbled down in tears and confessed that she hates the way she is and wants to change herself. Become a good person. Just as Gabrielle does in the episode, I judged her too quickly. She had a story that hit me hard due to the way I treated people in my own life. It was a real wake up call to me at the time. One I really needed cause gods know I couldn’t be reached otherwise. I was so far beyond real help.

There’s a line in the episode that has really stuck with me throughout the years and still is something I remind myself of even now as often as possible.

XENA: “You are what you do. You can recreate yourself every second of your life.”

3. S01E22: CALLISTO

‘Callisto’ is about a new character we meet late in Season 1. This character becomes the main antagonist of 'Xena: Warrior Princess’ and my favourite character besides the main two leads in the entire show. In the episode before it, ‘The Greater Good’, Xena gets shot in the neck with a poisoned dart and it is revealed to us in this episode who it was that targeted her. Now I don’t just want to talk about the character but also the actress that portrays her as well because that is a massive reason why this episode stands out so much to me over others in Season 1. Hudson Leick plays Callisto and delivers such a remarkable acting performance that gives her character layers and layers of depth, expression and personality. She’s easily on-par with the leads, if not better. I love watching her perform. She’s fantastic!

Excerpt taken from my character study thesis; Section 4: A dark heart is shadowed until the light shines in.

[The introduction of the character Callisto to the show adds a much heavier layer to what is already an overwhelming story of redemption, vengeance, love, forgiveness and balance, which are to me, the main themes in the show that are reiterated repeatedly as it progresses in writing, production and direction. Callisto becomes the main villain in the show, but she isn’t your run-of-the-mill evil villain. Oh, no, no, no. I like to think of Callisto as more of an antagonist than a villain. She has an extremely complicated storyline of her own that inexplicably ties in with Xena’s because Xena murdered her family, or so that’s what she adamantly believes. It’s hard to explain or understand just how much this character is an integral reason for Xena’s reformation from being an evil warlord to a heroine for good, and how the consequences of her dark past have really screwed Callisto up and turned her into, for lack of a better word, a psychopath who is absolutely bent on destroying everything that makes Xena who she is. Starting with her reputation, and eventually escalating to the people she loves and cares about in all the world. This character is so crucial to ‘Xena: Warrior Princess’, that there is never any way to stop her even when she dies. She’s that dedicated to ruining Xena and Gabrielle’s lives. Callisto doesn’t just want to kill Xena. She wants to kill her soul because that is what Xena has done to her. It’s hard to think of Callisto as any kind of villain because you develop such sympathy for her throughout all her appearances in the show. She’s so messed up in the head that you just don’t think of her as an evil person, just an extremely depressed and misunderstood one. What happens to her, in the end, is something that needed to happen, and I was unbelievably happy did. She did terrible things, but she needed the opportunity to be saved and forgiven as Xena did, and fortunately, the show’s producers gave her the ending she deserved.

This leads me on to what happens when Callisto meets Xena face to face for the first time in the late Season 1 episode, titled ‘Callisto’, and how Gabrielle plays a part in stopping Xena from crumbling down in guilt and regret and letting her go because of it once they captured her. Xena doesn’t blame Callisto for how she ended up, knowing that it was her own fault she became that way in the first place. Even if she didn’t mean for her family to be killed in the fire her own men started against her orders all those years ago in ‘Cirra’, Callisto’s hometown, she still felt solely responsible for the consequences that followed.

There is a very important scene, which I call ‘The Promise’ scene, from this episode where Gabrielle asks Xena to promise her that if anything happened to her in their travels together, that she would not turn away from her path of atonement, and rampage like a raving blood-lusted lunatic the way Callisto was. You see for the first time Xena’s vulnerability and struggle with sensitivity. She was finding it so difficult to cry in front of Gabrielle. She tries to send her off to bed before she could see the tears streaming down her face, but Gabrielle wasn’t having it. She made sure she promised her, and that she was sincere with the words. She sees the tears and tries to brush them away from her face. Xena immediately turns away from her and tells her to go to bed, but she doesn’t move. Gabrielle just sits there by her side sharing her pain and accepting her for who she is now, which I find extremely powerful and beautiful. Xena has probably never encountered acceptance like that in her life before, or she wasn’t paying enough attention to see it. The fact that Gabrielle refuses to leave her must have thrown her off. She left herself unguarded for the very first time in her life in front of this young woman. As the flickering flames danced before them, illuminating their faces, we see the Warrior Princess’ walls down for the very first time. The Bard had succeeded in bringing out her sensitive side, if only just for a moment. This would be the beginning of a transformation so intense, it would completely change Xena’s personality and mindset forevermore. Love and forgiveness would be her saving grace, and the beautiful soul sat across from her would be the reason why it happened at all.]

Furthermore, in this episode we also meet Joxer, who becomes the main comic relief in the entire show and gave Gabrielle the chance to be taken seriously as a character instead of the “irritating blonde”, as she’s so often called by other characters in the show, much to my distaste. So because of the introduction of two incredible recurring characters, especially Callisto, this episode ranks high on my list.

4. S05E02: CHAKRAM

‘Chakram’ goes back to the Yin and Yang representation of the show. They use it as the main plotline of the episode in that there is a Light and Dark chakram and the plot was to retrieve the chakram of Light from the temple of the Tao because Xena has always had the Dark chakram and it broke earlier in the show. It’s one of the many episodes in the entire show where the character Ares: The God Of War represents Xena’s Dark side and Gabrielle Xena’s Light side. But this time with a little bit of a twist, as it is Gabrielle that directs Xena back to her Dark side again due to Xena having lost her sense-of-self and the memories of who she was in her past after the both of them were crucified at the end of Season 4 and were brought back to life again through another new character in the show, Eli, at the start of Season 5. This episode means a lot to me because it really clarifies how important it is to have balance in your life and in yourself. A balance of Light and Dark to really understand both and be whole with everything you are as a soul. All that makes you you.

There is a really great scene in the episode, that’s probably my favourite scene, where Xena is praying to some kind of deity, most likely the ‘One God’ of Eli’s religion. It is never revealed who or what exactly she’s praying to but Gabrielle notices and is concerned about her because Xena won’t defend herself when she is attacked anymore, nor does she remember anything violent or negative about herself and her past. Xena questions her whether they’re doing the right thing in restoring her darkness and how that could even be a good thing to do. Gabrielle replies in such a way that is very philosophical and wise that you don’t hear from her in quite awhile in the show. She says “I think it’s vital. I know that sounds strange, coming from me. I think you have to know the darkest part of yourself to be whole.” Xena exclaims back “But this way, I harm no one!” Gabrielle counters “But Xena, what about the people who harm others? Xena, you have this balance of lightness and darkness. Without both of those, the very best in you is defenceless.“ That scene and that dialogue helped me to realize something amazing about myself and the way I look at everything negative I do as something that takes away from who I am as a soul. But really it’s just giving the way to the rise of something much more positive and helping me to understand myself better and recognize the importance of polarity and the teachings of Yin and Yang. It’s a meaningful and motivating episode to me because it represents what I call ‘The Grey Area’ in the best way that I could never explain myself. 

Also, Xena gets a cool new and improved chakram with the Yin-Yang design when she neutralises the Light and Dark chakrams together, which brings her back to her former self again, so that was awesome too. I love the way they did this episode so much. I especially love that both lead characters evolved because of the need to be there for each other. The need to protect and defend one another. That’s precisely what their relationship is fundamentally about and they hit it on the nail with this episode. Who said Season 5 didn’t show the love between them? Look deeper. The love is there, it’s just not in the way that you expect. It’s in the themes represented. It’s in the fundamental message that someone that cares about you has to put aside what scares them about you and do what’s best for you.

5. S02E15: A DAY IN THE LIFE

‘A Day In The Life’ is a comedy episode that centers around Xena and Gabrielle’s average day of fighting for the innocent. Now while this episode is highly regarded in the fanbase because of the hilarious things Xena and Gabrielle do to each other to affectionately aggravate one another that drives them both crazy like a squabbling old married couple, it’s also got a very inspiring moral to it at the same time. That you do not need to make yourself the victim in thinking of yourself as unworthy or unappealing to the one you love, and that you have your own strength to fight your own battles and don’t necessarily need someone to defend or protect you all the time. You see, in this episode you are introduced to a couple, Minya and Hower, that fall into somewhat of an estranged relationship when Hower falls in love with Xena as soon as he meets her. Hower is the first person of the couple you get to know, but when you meet Minya, you find out she’s a big fan of the Warrior Princess, but begins to view her with disgust and jealousy when she realizes her boyfriend is attracted to her. Xena and Gabrielle, while occupied with their own married couple problems, have to sort this out and make it clear to Hower that he has no chance with Xena. Xena gives some advice to Minya on how to handle men and she becomes this strong, independent and extremely confident woman that knocks a warlord to his feet that impresses Hower and she no longer feels victimised by him or anyone else. This ignites the flame in their relationship again and Xena and Gabrielle learn to overcome their own differences in the meanwhile because of being inspired to by them.

Furthermore, Xena, the brilliant strategic thinker she is, finds a way to kill two birds with one stone by stopping both an army and defeating a giant. There is this cute little moment in the middle of the episode where she tells Gabrielle that by defeating the giant Gareth, she will be repaying an old friend back from having to fight against him for ‘The Greater Good’, which ultimately led to his death. I thought that was very endearing. It’s a great episode. Funny, yet has a lot of substance to it. At least to me it does. It’s definitely my favourite comedy episode in the entire show and it is another great introductory episode to come to know the comedy and campy side of Xena because Xena isn’t dramatic and serious all the time and that’s part of its charm as a 90’s show. 

6. S04E07: LOCKED UP AND TIED DOWN

‘Locked Up And Tied Down’ has Xena dealing with the justification for her regretful past. She is convicted and tried for a murder she committed to a young woman years ago, that has only just seemed to follow her up now. I thought that was quite weird at first, but it’s explained why later on. The build-up of the episode has her boarding a boat shackled in chains and leaving a grief-stricken Gabrielle behind to carry out her sentence: life imprisonment on Shark Island. Gabrielle follows her, of course, and tries to free her while masquerading as the new healer for the prisoners. It is here the sudden event of Xena’s conviction begins to make sense, as Gabrielle discovers that the person Xena, apparently, murdered, is the one who condemned her. It’s an episode where the empathetic ways of Gabrielle transform someone into finding their power and peace again, the way she has done for Xena.

Meanwhile, the opposite is happening to Xena. She feels an immense amount of contempt in herself for all the horrible things she’s done. She’s so disgusted with herself, that she takes accountability for any kind of punishment or chore any of the prisoners are given while on Shark Island, along with her own. For me, that was an extremely painful thing to watch. My hero literally just giving up everything, including Gabrielle, because she hated herself. It was awful to watch how she just let the guards order and push her around like that and have all authority over her. But as painful and awful as it was to watch, it made me understand that forgiving yourself isn’t easy when your past sins follow you around and weigh you down when you’re trying to climb back up in your life. It’s not justice to just feel remorse for what you’ve done. You have to pay for those sins and accept the consequences of the pain and damage you’ve caused to others. You don’t get a free pass just because you believe you’ve repented for your sins. Others make that decision for you. Which means redemption is not earned and can’t be. It’s decided by others. It’s not a nice lesson to learn, but it is an important and realistic one. What’s more is you need to stop seeing yourself as a victim, because nobody is going to have mercy on you if you’ve done wrong. You have to own up to your crimes and deal with the consequences of your own actions. It’s a very dark, twisted and dramatic episode, but that’s just the kind of TV that I love to watch. That’s why this episode is one of my absolute favourites. This show is not afraid to tell the truth of the darkness of its themes or let the leads off for doing questionable things, unlike 'Hercules: The Legendary Journeys’, and because of it, it is far superior to it in writing, directing and acting.

7. S06E02: THE HAUNTING OF AMPHIPOLIS 

‘The Haunting Of Amphipolis’ sees Xena, Gabrielle and the newly reformed daughter of Xena, Eve, go back to Xena’s hometown after over 25 years to find that something has gone terribly wrong. Xena’s mother, Cyrene, is dead and the entire town has been wrecked and abandoned. There is a great evil that has permeated it and wreaked havoc that turned it into a hell hole of death, torture, pain, grief and just outright carnage. 'Xena: Warrior Princess’ finally gets a HORROR story. My favourite producer, Sam Raimi, who executive produces the show along with Rob Tapert, had a lot to do with this episode and you can tell because it’s his sort of episode. His creative area of expertise. Horror, just without the comedy, although there is some well-hidden dark humour in there that only an enthusiast of the original Evil Dead film series will pick up. And I am somewhat of a fan.

Okay, so I’m cheating a bit here. This episode isn’t really all that inspiring or really teaches you anything of any importance whatsoever. It’s just… I love horror basically, and I was waiting for Xena to have some sort of episode where they show blood, guts and gore since it’s done every other genre known to man. If you read my writing about my favourite art/entertainment, you would know what I’m like with begging creators to incorporate versatility. It’s a big drawing card for me when it comes to art/entertainment. There’s not much else to say. There’s a lot of weirdness, disturbing and creepy crap that goes on in it that is right up my alley. It makes my TOP 10 because it’s just something that I enjoy watching and suits my passions for TV media in general. It’s my niche. There’s no moral or message of significance. Honestly, I am just a sick person who loves watching sick stuff. So there you have it. It is an acquired taste and not for the faint-hearted, so I probably wouldn’t recommend watching this one if you do not like or are not familiar with horror. It’s a great one to watch for Halloween though, which I’m sure was the intent behind creating and airing it.

Oh, and Xena finally teaches Gabrielle ‘The Pinch’. One of Xena’s trademarks in her “I have many skills” repertoire. Or at least she teaches her how to take ‘The Pinch’ off. Good enough for me. Xena teaches her everything she knows in the end anyway.

8. S01E24: IS THERE A DOCTOR IN THE HOUSE?

‘Is There A Doctor In The House?’ finds our heroines, Xena and Gabrielle, in the middle of an ongoing civil war between the Mitoans and the Thessalians. They end up bumping into a friendly face in the name of Ephiny, an Amazon in Gabrielle’s tribe, who is extremely pregnant and about ready to have her baby. They capture a Mitoan commander and take refuge in a Thessalian temple where the wounded, sick and dying are being treated. This episode is very upsetting. To cut to the chase: SPOILER ALERT! Gabrielle dies. Not only do you get to see Xena’s impressive demonstrations of medical aid, surgery and respiratory reparation, but you also come to see the incredible influence Gabrielle has had on her life throughout Season 1. Xena showcases such vulnerability, compassion and even fear while begging and pleading for Gabrielle to wake up. She absolutely crumbles down in emotion the likes you’ve never seen from her in the show thus far, and you realize that this adventurous and naive young woman she helped on to the back of her horse, Argo, not too long ago, has had an unbelievable effect on her mindset and personality. She has fallen completely in love with her and her ways of empathy and understanding of ‘The Greater Good’ and she just can’t let her go peacefully. She demands for her to return to the land of the living, screaming “Don’t leave me! DON’T LEAVE ME!”. Through much persistence and determination Xena’s remarkable medical and healing skills somehow miraculously bring her back to life again. Don’t ask me how, she just does it, and Xena claims it’s entirely Gabrielle’s doing. I disagree. I think it was Xena that achieved that feat because her love for Gabrielle guided her efforts. Their relationship reaches even greater heights. At least from Xena’s point of view it does. 

Elsewhere in the episode, before that dramatic and climactic ending, that I also thought was a great addition to the theme, we go back to Ephiny and watch her talk with the Mitoan general named Marmax, who the Amazon has been put in his care. Ephiny has developed a hatred for the Mitoans because they killed her husband, but is able to tolerate Marmax because she wanted him to understand something about hatred. That the war has to end somewhere for their children’s sake. She challenges him by asking “Is bloodshed all you want them to know?” and the scene cuts out. I thought that was very powerful and it made me appreciate the episode all the more. This episode inspired me a lot and makes it on my TOP 10 because of it.

9. S02E20: THE PRICE

‘The Price’ is an episode about understanding what it means to be human and the price you pay if you’re ignorant to the truth because you’re blinded by hatred and anger. Xena and Gabrielle stumble into dangerous waters and come across The Horde. Xena remembers this barbaric tribe from when they annihilated her army sometime after the Battle of Corinth. She doesn’t have any understanding or knowledge on them other than what she knows from her past when she was the Destroyer of Nations, and claims they have no will other than to kill everything and anything they come into awareness with. They pick up a wounded soldier in their canoe and bring him into the Athenian Army battlement camp while the war still rages on. Xena becomes ruthless whenever she has an army around her and something to hate and direct her anger at and Gabrielle never likes or accepts it. While Xena is taking command of the Athenian Army to try to destroy The Horde by any means she can, Gabrielle is tending to the wounded in an old armoury unit where there are no doctors or healers and she takes the initiative to be the lead nurse to care for those who are dying and need help. This is where you come to see that Xena cannot stay on the right path for herself and would easily just as go back to her dark days if not for Gabrielle’s hold on her guilty conscience. Gabrielle argues with Xena that maybe The Horde want something and if they had it, they would leave them alone. Or maybe they could find common ground if they learn to understand their ways first. Gabrielle finds the answer when Xena captures one of them and she’s ladling water right next to the tied up Horde. He was breathlessly repeating “Kaltaka”, which is what all the dying Horde chant endlessly on the battlefield. She previously believed it was the name of their god and it was the clue she needed. It translated to water. They just wanted water because the Athenians poisoned the rivers. They didn’t want to fight anymore, they were just desperate for a way to keep themselves alive. Gabrielle defies Xena and goes out into the battlefield to feed the dying Horde weaponless and The Horde crowd around her but don’t hurt her. They notice she was just trying to help. Through this act of kindness towards the opposing side Xena comes to her senses and realizes she’s wrong about them. She goes back to the captured Horde and experiments with her newfound theory that maybe they have a code of conduct that is in common with her own. A Warrior’s Code. She understands him and releases him. Then she goes out to fight The Horde Leader who is the one causing all the trouble for the tribe and defeats him. As she’s walking away with her back turned to the entire Horde tribe, they raise their bows and arrows and Gabrielle screams out “LOOK OUT!”. They don’t target Xena. They target The Horde Leader who was screaming in anguish at being defeated. Xena was now their leader by defeating their previous leader. That was their Warrior’s Code. No real difference to the Amazons, an indigenous tribe they knew so well and wore just as much war paint.

The message is self-explanatory: Don’t judge a person by their race, religion, language, culture, colour, sexuality, gender, or by what you ignorantly think you know about them without getting to know or understand them. You risk losing your humanity.

10. S01E02: CHARIOTS OF WAR

‘Chariots Of War’ is about compliance and expectations from relationships that affects our choices and perceptions of reality. Xena gets herself caught up in a situation where she’s trying to stop these two warlords ravaging a settlement where a community of villagers were trying to build a new home for themselves and Xena takes an arrow to the chest and faints. A single father takes her into his home and cares for her because she saved his young son from being crushed by the newly built settlement that one of the warlords pulled down. While injured, Xena learns of this family’s plight and tries to put it right for them, promising not to use violence to do it, obeying the wishes of the one who took her in who does not want another war. She becomes very affectionate with the father and his family and finds it a struggle to leave them because of it. 

Meanwhile, Gabrielle meets one of the warlords in the inn she takes refuge in because a smelly and disgusting drunk keeps hitting on her. She tells a lie that she already has a boyfriend and he is with them in the inn. To prove it, a bold as brass Bard walks right up to this warlord and complete stranger and kisses him on the mouth and requests that he pretends he knows her to keep away from the horny drunks. They start a conversation about what they do and the warlord, who’s name is Sphaerus, tells her that he works for his father, but he makes him do things he doesn’t like and doesn’t want to do and this insightful conversation between them happens that I really love and relate to myself…

GABRIELLE: “My mother always wanted me to get married and have kids. And I remember telling her that I’d always be grateful for the way that she raised me, but she couldn’t expect me to pay for that with my future.”  

SPHAERUS: “That’s very insightful.”

GABRIELLE: “It’s a gift. Well, anyway, I came to a point in my life when I had to make a choice and I thought about who I really was, and I made it.”

I’ve written an entire article about this that was inspired by this episode and this is a piece of that article where I explain the moral to the episode because, for me, that’s part of the reason why this episode is so damn brilliant and one of the best.

[The moral to this episode is about what is expected of us to comply to by our family, our employment, our sociality and our romantic relationships and trying to apply it to who we are, how we choose to view reality and how we live by our own perceptions. I tend to think the more we empathise with the people that love or care about us and that we love and care about, the better our relationships become. The reason why I think this is because you can only walk a mile in someone’s shoes once you have begun to understand them… But that doesn’t mean you should take on their beliefs… their perceptions… or their lifestyle. You have your own to live by, and that’s how it should be. What you believe in and what lifestyle you choose to live by is what is your truth. And no one should take that away from you. Not even those closest to you.]

Another reason I love it is because the writer, Josh Becker, did something very clever with it in setting up the idea of Xena and Gabrielle being each other’s Yin and Yang before they even realize that for themselves. And he does it by using none other than their MALE COUNTERPARTS and LOVE INTERESTS. It is ingenious writing and something you will only pick up on with multiple rewatches of the show.

—————————————————————————–

That’s my TOP 10 favourite episodes of 'Xena: Warrior Princess’. It’s probably not the list that you were expecting since Gabrielle is my favourite character. You would think I would go with Gabrielle-centric episodes. But when it’s your favourite show, you don’t necessarily care about how much screen-time your favourite character has or hasn’t. What you care about is how well your favourite character is integrated into each episode and there is a lot of episodes that are extremely well written in character representation and development so it’s not a factor.

I’ve already written a hell of a lot so I’ll just end it briefly. Thank you for reading. I hope you check the show out for yourselves if you haven’t seen it and come to love it as much as I do. And if you’ve already watched the show all the way through once or more, what is your TOP 10 favourite episodes? Feel free to express why as I have done. I’d love to know how this show has impacted you the way it has impacted me.

Thank you.

- Girl4Music