#there's a messed up old men polycule

[kuglschreiba]

would you still follow me if i started primarily posting dnd ocs or

[yandereunsolved]

wanna know something I find funny? When I first saw Kaz my immediate thought was ‘oh look it’s a mother’ then I learned more about him and my brain went ‘he’s a mother who’s so sick of everything but loves his children more than anything’. Like Peace Walker Kaz is still on the honeymoon stage with Big Boss, MGSV Kaz has finally left the Honeymoon stage and now still cares but is so done with Venom and Ocelot, and old Kaz is a single mother who left behind both his partners to raise his children alone. He loves his children more than anything and has squares up with multiple people for raising their voices at his children.

Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.

cw(s): mention of disordered eating, evil polycule having unhealthy relationship dynamics

I adore your Ted Talk. You are very right. Kaz is perfect mom material. He even has the tits to match.

Platonic yandere mom Kaz is always pulling darling into him, looking them over. Who cares if you're an adult? You were once a child. You're still his baby.

He's sharpened his cooking skills. He wants you to only eat the food he makes and provides. Who knows what could be in food he hasn't checked over? What if you have dietary restrictions? You could get food poisoning! Someone could have definitely, most likely, poisoned that food you were just gifted. He plans every meal.

He prides himself on making sure you're well fed.

Eating disorders fear him. He'll feed you if you need him to. He'll do anything. He doesn't want you malnourished or overeating. He knows your body so well that he can look at you and know what you're hungry for. He'll help you recover. If someone says something, he'll have them murdered if he doesn't murder them with his own hand.

You're the single greatest thing to ever come out of his poly relationship. He treasures you. You're his child! Of course he loves you.

Whatever parents you had before no longer exist. Is that a bit selfish? Yes. Does he love you that much? Yes. What makes them better than him? He's clearly superior. You should just forget about them and focus on him. Mother Miller knows best.

He keeps your father's from you as much as he can. He knows how violent and cruel they can be. He's been hurt because of them. He doesn't want you hurt. No, not you, never you.

This includes love interests. You're his child! No one is good enough for you. No one can take care of you like he can. He's incredibly territorial. Friends are okay. But their hands go down South? Their head is rolling on the floor. It's fine. He'll clean up the mess.

He takes no shit from anyone about his child. The polycule gets a little leeway, but not much. Want to be a bigoted pos to his baby? Suddenly that jackass has three men on their tail and a very displeased mama soothing his child.

He knows you can take care of yourself. He's raised you to be independent (enough) when he isn't around. However, there's no reason for you to try to be big and strong when he's around. Lean on him. Be dependent on him. He needs it. Mommy Miller just wants to take care of his child(ren) in peace.

[foretauxfleurs]

High Republic Week, Day 1 - Favourite Phase

Phase 1 is by far my favourite. I adore the Firebrands and the constant action of the first trio of adult novels. So for day one, I decided to arrange a collection of songs that remind me of each Firebrand and their interpersonal dynamics.

Avar Kriss

Would’ve, Could’ve, Should’ve - Taylor Swift

Nobody’s Soldier - Hozier

King - Florence + The Machine

Elzar Mann

Francis Forever - Mitski

Mess It Up - Gracie Abrams

Good Old-Fashioned Lover Boy - Queen

Stellan Gios

Gold Rush - Taylor Swift

Vienna - Billy Joel

Dream Sweet in Sea Major - Miracle Musical

Firebrands (polycule version)

Work Song - Hozier

Our Love - Curtis Harding & Jazmine Sullivan (Arcane)

Little Talks - Of Monsters and Men

Elzar + Avar (romantic)

Back To December - Taylor Swift

Still Into You - Paramore

XO - Beyoncé

Stellan + Elzar (pining)

Close To You - Gracie Abrams

Good Luck, Babe! - Chappell Roan

Sofia - Clairo

Avar + Stellan (they act divorced, but they still love each other)

All Too Well (10 Minute Version) - Taylor Swift

We Can’t Be Friends - Ariana Grande

About You - The 1975

[musicfeedsmysoul12]

"All Might- The one I don't know? Like a part of me is 'RodyDeku' but that could also just be my brain. I could go Shinsou because of All Might being told he can't be a hero as a kid and Shinsou with his stuff? RodyDeku because they both thought things couldn't change and then they did? I don't know?"

Rody would be really good here too! Plus, it give them a kick in the pants to move from his hometown to Japan where he can have a bigger support system! Sorry I just found this post when I read the other one of the bond post about the snapping with Ojiro and Shinso, but one question still unanswered. Can they bond again and if so will they still be as strong or take more work to be able to work at full potential? Plus it be good angst for some like shinso, who could slowly realize he could've been in a big loving relationship but messed it up so badly

Rody would be a lot of fun here, and it would be interesting to figure out how to get them to meet as soon as possible. And he would end up moving to Japan with his siblings, finding himself in the role of a pilot for his big old polycule.

As said in another, the bond can reform, but it's weaker than before.

I love Shinsou, but it really would be fun to explore his angst. He bonded with a super cool girl who has a Quirk that allows her to bond with others. However, Shinsou is...

I've always viewed him as a bit possessive. He's the kind of guy who thinks what is his is HIS. I'm headcanoning that he grew up in the foster system before being adopted by an aunt who finally could get custody. Due to this, Hitoshi didn't get many things that were HIS and HIS alone. So he tends to be possessive of things that are his. (In worlds where he isn't in the foster system I think he's just like that due to bullying and how often they'd have gone 'he made me give him that' about things he has, and then parents had to get involved because Quirk usage, only to reveal it was a lie, then it's 'he made me say it' and it's a mess)

Due to this, Hitoshi isn't quite okay with a poly relationship? He's aware people can be poly, but he's not... great with it?

He tries, oh, he tries. He tells himself it's Izumi's Quirk, he needs to get used to it, it's fine. But like there's this sort of... ick to him?

He doesn't like sharing Izumi. He doesn't like her dating the others. And it becomes this sort of festering resentment they all do feel, because they end up feeling everyone in the bond. They try to help but...

Snap.

And Hitoshi is out of the bond.

He's upset and blames them. Is bitter and angry. Enough that he's told to go to therapy or he's expelled.

It takes a long time for him to accept it, and he feels so guilty about it. Just... he can't believe he did it like that.

Hitoshi realizes a larger part of him had been bitter he wasn't in the middle of the bond, and he wished he'd been given as much attention. It's a very unsettling realization as much as he loved Izumi, he'd been jealous of her.

Now, as he watches them welcome a new member into their relationship, he just feels... sad. He could have had that.

At least he's better than Ojiro.

Ojiro also bonded with Izumi, but the bond snapped because he disapproves of it. He's the really subtle Alpha Male guy who does respect women... in the sense he views them as weaker and needing help. He knows women can be heroes, he does.

He just thinks that men will always be better than women.

Additionally, Ojiro is very traditional and believes that one man, one woman is best. So bonding with Izumi was fine, and he would have seriously pursued her...

If it wasn't for her other bonds. He disapproved and tried to convince her not to date other people. He respected the bond because it was based on the two of them. He could accept her bonds with others. The attraction wasn't that strange.

But dating others? Really?

The bond snapped after a while, and Izumi never quite got over how much it hurt feeling his disdain like that when they'd been getting closer.

[lotus-tower]

the most important factor when shipping things that aren’t outlined or implied in canon or where the characters don’t have much canonical dynamic going on is how much it strengthens and adds to an existing situation. everyone and their mom knows joui 4 is real in a way few other anime Main Character Group polycules are real. and I genuinely am invested in sakamoto/takasugi even if they’ve only interacted 1.5 times. and that’s because of the following mathematical premises:

1. takagin is (obviously) real

2. takazura funny never married divorcees

3. everyone falls for sakamoto because of his SS rank charisma stat

what we end up here with is the following situations, all of them funny and therefore good:

- sakamoto threw up in gintoki’s face upon their first meeting and gintoki developed a crush on him anyway and ditched his childhood friends to hang out with the handsome new guy who’s really annoying and talks too loud. and who also threw up on you (takasugi)

- despite this takasugi doesn’t hold it against sakamoto because no one holds it against sakamoto. sakamoto’s allowed to do that

- zura also doesn’t hold it against sakamoto. however he Does hold it against takasugi and develops numerous fascinating complexes about takagin’s existence (and probably his ntr kink in the process)

- sakamoto and zura get along just fine but zura isn’t sakamoto’s type even though sakamoto likes dark haired women who would work as hostesses because zura out-bokkes him

- however this makes him gift him elizabeth. he was never even mad at takasugi and he made a tender flashback shounen promise with gintoki and just never got them anything. and after he met up with them again he continued to not get them anything. except pickled daikon. after he knows gintoki probably got heavily traumatized by the events of the plot he still doesn’t get him anything or text him.

- takasugi has no opinions about ginzura. I don’t think he thinks zura is capable of having a genuine relationship (funny thing for him to think of another human being). and I think ginzura is mainly concentrated in the present where takasugi has used the highest grade exorcism talismans to seal off his panels from any encroaching “gintoki having unspoken feelings and tender tension with old friend from his past” aura

- gintoki is a character born to get into funny situations where he’s in cartoon boxers and interacting with implied femdom gags. he’s a guy we see on a leash and with underwear on his face. he’s a guy who claims to be a virile shounen jump hero but needs to bottom for genre health and also his own health. but he’s stuck with takasugi and zura who both want/need him to top them in different ways. gintoki doesn’t want to deal with it. he wishes sakamoto would elope with him and they could go to sci fi vegas where he’ll drink a lot and forget everything. however sakamoto leaves him on read

- both zura and sakamoto think they were the guy who had to clean up after gintoki and takasugi’s messes and mediate between them. zura felt like it as a conflation of how he felt like a third wheel. sakamoto was genuinely mediating because both parties actually liked him.

- the only guy everyone likes as a blanket rule is never around and doesn’t talk to anyone except zura, because zura knows everyone’s contact information. but he also won’t share

- you know that infamous scene where gintoki and takasugi both picked the same woman at the brothel. and where takasugi (gay boy) spent the whole night unmoving in the corner. okay forget those two have you thought about how zura felt that night. and probably many other nights. he would Never engage in such a morally crass activity. going to the brothel would pollute his samurai soul—sakamoto is also there of course. sakamoto loves brothels. it’s just zura. alone. at home. all his men gone out. leaving just him. in his tent. well it’s fine. it’s his principles vs their degenerate tendencies. they’re all out having sex without him right now…………… even… takasugi………………….

- (takasugi is not having sex)

[lych33dragoncookie]

Lychee Dragon for the ask game? :0 or Pure Vanilla if somebody asked already lol

Well, Lychee has already been covered, soooo!

Sexuality Headcanon: This is the most wet pathetic bi man you've ever seen in your entire life. He can date anyone of any gender so long as he's close enough to them, but rest assured he will be the one sitting on their lap. Gender Headcanon: Transmasc; specifically, a really cute idea posed by one of my partners is that he and White Lily came out to each other during their early years at Blueberry Yogurt Academy, and thusly transitioned together there

Ship: It is my sincere belief that the Ancients are all basically just one big polycule. However, my personal preferred picks are PV x WL, PV x Hollyberry, and PV x Dark Enchantress (NOTE: THE LAST ONE WOULD TAKE PLACE ENTIRELY AFTER THE MAIN STORY. read my WL x DE fic for what that after-story would look like <3 specifically in that fic's continuity I think DE would eventually get comfortable enough that she'd begrudgingly allow him to visit and end up getting closer to him again, thus WL and DE can share him between each other :o3) BROTP: Starting to get sick of this category (i can't come up with anything) /j NOTP: Ok this one is harsh but. I'm not outright displeased by seeing it, I just don't think Shadownilla can happen like... At all. With what we have on Shadow Milk right now. No amount of kindness could save that strange sadistic jester man and it would ultimately be absolutely horrendous for both of them, PV would eventually realize he's being played and SM would realize he's not getting anywhere here, they're both kind of just too smart and completely opposite in their intent to work with each other, in my opinion. So while I'm putting Shadownilla here, understand that it's not from a position of "IF YOU SHIP THIS I WILL MURDER YOU IN YOUR SLEEP" or "this is problematic" or whatever, it's simply from the angle that I can't really see it happening with what we have on both characters right now.

Random Headcanon: There's the one I mentioned above in the Ship segment about he and WL coming out to each other at the academy, but I also 100% subscribe to the idea of PV being like a strange little old man who can't really maneuver modern technology all that well and his phone would probably be a complete mess. He's written more letters in his entire life than he ever will text messages, and will continue to be this way. My man is singlehandedly keeping the carrier pigeon economy alive all on his own.

General opinion: I WANT HIM.

He's genuinely so fucking cute. I swear to god. Everything about him. I'm a sucker for somewhat effeminate men with long hair, for one, and he's also just... Come on man, have you read his letters?!

He's actually adorable it drives me insane. His demeanor, the little details of how he talks, him doing stuff like feeding the birds and trying to make sure they're happy, the way he talks about his friends (lovers, if we're being realistic), he's just so. Man I would do unspeakable things to him but also I would give him the best aftercare of his life because he deserves it. I'm a sucker for characters whose primary motivator is an unrelenting, constant, fierce urge to care for others, the type where their kindness is primarily protective in nature, and they're more than willing to get under someone's skin or beat them at their own game if it means both protecting those he cares about and at least partially defeating a threat before anyone has even delivered a single blow. You can just tell his conversations with Dark Enchantress are a 50/50 split of genuine love and kindness and doing things he knows will get under her skin, and I love it.

God I love this whimsical little twink. He's just so. <3333

[wyrdle]

Any ideas you got Zenkichi for the au

For the one where Shuji's a cranky old man without joining Kirijo group and ends up hiring Takuto as an assistant? Not really, no.

spoilers abound

Though, for that AU, I reckon things turn out the same for Takuto and his palace. There wouldn't be as much of a personal connection between him and the PTs, but I reckon Ren and gang would still beat him up and steal his heart about similarly as per canon, so any Zenkichi meetups would come after that.

Off-topic but, I wonder if Shuji's delusions would've resulted in a Palace, or at least have influenced/meshed with Takuto's. (Unlikely that he has a palace, mostly because he doesn't really influence others? If he did he'd have a palace alike Tartarus I think.) Maybe, because of his involvement, areas of Takuto's palace that are dishevelled and imperfect (Eg. the backrooms/tv rooms/will seed rooms) could be reminiscent of Tartarus or the insides of a church, more pronounced "ugliness" of what Maruki's doing (AKA meta "killing and rebirth" of people via warping of their cognitions, just as people like Shuji and Sumire want. A kinder death.)

Regardless, Shuji would be there defending Takuto as hard as Sumire did initially, conscious about the brainwashing, and desiring it anyway. Though I don't think he'd have a persona.... Not sure tbh. Shuji seems to "rebel" against the concept of life/living, so maybe whatever persona relating to death/peaceful non-existence would be his weapon to defend Maruki. Fun times! (You can probably tell that much of this au was more for drawing parallels between Shuji and Takuto, than any semblance of a proper AU story lol)

Post Maruki's defeat, I reckon both men would need time apart. Primarily Takuto away from Shuji, since Shuji was and still is enabling him and his delusions of an ideal reality. Takuto probably gets help and support from other friends and professionals, Shuji though..... I have no idea. This guy is written to be a tragic mess of a human being, with nihilism and associated ills at his core. Realistically, no one is incapable of healing/growth, but Shuji seems written to be otherwise (I enjoy thinking of him and his delusions creating an empty palace, void of heart. Don't spoil me, but I think this is supposedly how Kuon Ichinose's written lmao 😂 I look forward to meeting her properly.) Shuji is happiest when he's dead, basically. If being with Takuto did change anything for the better in terms of him trying to continue living, then maybe he'd be around long enough to meet Zenkichi alongside Takuto lol.

LOL I know this ask was about zenkichi but I admittedly haven't finished strikers (spoiled myself quite completely on Zenkichi though), and am admittedly uh. Big Shuji Fan. I like thinking how disastrously tragic he is, so apologies for the extreme bias 😂

Edit: I realise how this answer literally doesn't even address zenkichi 😂 Maybe I threw him in the polycule because werewolf d-

Ahem.

cat boy shuji attack

[somethingusefulfromflorida]

Dracula Daily: May 24

Dr. John Seward

Lunatic asylum man

Strong jaw

Good forehead

Nervous nelly (sat on his hat, could definitely use a fidget spinner)

Madly on love with Lucy; it's a one-way street (if he wore a fedora, he would tip it here, "friendzoned again, m'lady")

Quincey P. Morris

'Merica!

Don't mess with Texas!

Young

Fresh

Too young and fresh to possibly have been on as many adventures as he claims (spinner of tall tales, teller of whoppers; he really IS an American!)

Sounds like a dude-bro; lies to impress the ladies

Educated, exquisite manners, makes up fake American slang because it makes Lucy laugh (he's definitely playing up the Texas schtick)

"Won't you just hitch up alongside of me and let us go down the long road together, driving in double harness?"

Lucy feels worse rejecting him than Old Man Seward

*tips cowboy hat* I done been corralled into the friendzone like a lonesome steer, I tell you hwat

"Can I kiss you, little girl?" "Sure!" Texans are weird...

Arthur somebody

Number three

Also there

"I'll tell you about him in a second," never tells

If it wouldn't make her a heretic, Lucy would join a polycule with all three men (Quincey is from 19th century Western America, he knows about the Mormons, he'd be down to clown). We don't know much about Arthur except that Lucy loves him most; she spoils the Bachelorette Game by saying that Arthur is her fiancé before she even mentions her other suitors. Doc McForehead and Cowboy Quincey never stood a chance.

[shitpissboi]

The More The Merrier

Summary- Just a calm night in with your favorite polycule.

Word Count- 3302 

Request?- Yes 

Pairing- Bakusquad x reader / Bakugou Katsuki x Kirishima Eijirou x Reader x Sero Hanta x Ashido Mina x Kaminari Denki 

Warings- Detailed use of marijuana, swearing, kissing, slight making out, plus sized reader, deaf Bakugou, latinx Sero, aged up characters.

A/N- Again, I am so sorry this is late! I tried extra hard to make it good for the anon who requested it, so I really hope you enjoy it! :) 

You smiled as you heard the front door open, watching your redheaded and blonde boyfriends converse as they took off their jackets and shoes at the front door. The two looked up to see you and, and the rest of your partners, all relaxing on the couch. You were on the very end, closest to the door, while Hanta and Denki sat on either side of the middle corner piece, and Mina laid next to the blonde, her head in his lap while the rest of you gamed. You heard some shuffling before a hand gently grabbed the back of your neck, leaning it back to show him smirking down at you. 

“Hi Katsu, how was work today love?” You asked, smiling sweetly. Before responding, he leaned down, his eyeliner smeared and the soot from his quirk in a line in the shape of his mask. You leaned back more to give him better access and couldn’t help but smile as his lips met yours. You reached up and put one of your hands on the side of his head, signaling him to stay there. He deepened the kiss by moving his lips slightly, you following in sync with him. 

“Come onnnnn, don’t hog Katsuki! I wanna kiss him too!” Denki piped up besides you, making the other blonde break the kiss and playfully glare at him. With your question unanswered, said man walked over to Denki and did the same thing he did to you, but instead of leaning down to kiss you, he lifted the blonde off the couch and held him in his arms bridal style. He quickly fixed him so he was sitting on the couch, with Katsuki between his legs and leaning so far forward that he had to hold Denki to keep him from falling. Said blonde squealed and quickly threw his hands around the other man's shoulders and blushed violently. 

“You got my attention now sparky, what’re you gonna do about it?” The older man asked, leaning down even further. Your attention was pulled away as Eijirou made his way over to you, having started with Mina and ignored the situation between your two blonde lovers. You got on your knees and faced him, putting your arms around his shoulders and pulling him closer. 

“Hello, my little pebble.” The red head hummed, gripping you by your waist and touching his forehead with your. He gave you a small kiss before pulling away, chuckling at the way you pouted. You sunk back down into the couch and looked to the middle of the couch when you heard a scream and a soft thud. Denki had unceremoniously fallen down after Eijirou had pulled Katsuki away to go shower, which led to dropping the poor blonde and his feet to land over his head. 

Denki sat up and grumbled something you couldn’t hear, wrapping his arms around himself. Mina rolled her eyes and hugged him, whispering something in his ear that made him blush and hide his face behind his hands. You rolled your eyes at the supposed “flirt” and turned your attention to your last lover. 

“Where’re you going, handsome?” You asked as he stood up and started to walk around the couch but stopped in front of you, running his hand through your hair gently. 

“I’m just going to grab our stuff real quick so we're ready when Katsu and Eji get out of the shower, mi amor.” 

“Okay, can you grab me a hoodie on your way back, please?” You asked with a small pout, leaning your head up and kissing his wrist. 

“Why would I get you one when I can just give you this one?” The tall man asked, pulling his hoodie over his head, revealing an old and loved muscle tee, some small holes torn throughout the shirt. You lifted your arms up and he slipped the hoodie onto you while you raked your eyes over his torso. You muttered out a thank you when he was done, breaking yourself from your trance and sitting on your knees, pulling the black haired man closer by his waist. He looked down and smiled, placing his hands on both sides of your face. 

“Your welcome, hermosa.” He mutters, kissing your forehead. You grinned up at him and giggled, watching as he pulled away and started his descent to the bedroom. It was only a couple minutes before he came back with a handful of stuff, you stood up and helped him set it all on the coffee table, going to grab a good couple bottles of water while he went to get the rest. You got back first and set all the bottles up in one of the top corners. 

Hanta came back and sat next to you, piling the rest of the stuff on the table. He grabbed a big jar, covered in stickers, out of the mess, along with two grinders. He passed a grinder to you and opened his own, taking the top off of the jar and grabbing a nug. You opened and grabbed your own, breaking it up enough to fit in the ginder before closing the top and swiveling it back and forth. 

You repeated the process a couple times before the grinder was filled. You set the grinder down and slid the bong and a water bottle toward you. You checked to make sure the bong was clean before pouring the appropriate amount of water in, setting the bottle aside and grabbing the grinder again. You packed the bowl as full as you could, making sure to keep just a little bit of room at the top, and put down a layer of kief.

You pushed the bong toward the middle of the table and put the grinder next to it, getting up and heading to the kitchen. You went in the junk door and grabbed a bunch of pamphlets out of the junk draw, walking back and tossing them on the table. You noticed Sero was done rolling the joints and was sitting back, so you sat next to him and threw your legs over his, curling up so your head was laying in the crook of his neck. His arms instinctively wrapped around your form and held you against him. 

“We doing takeout for dinner tonight?” He murmured, resting his head atop of yours. You hummed and nodded. 

“I gotta ask Suki if he’s okay with it but I figured since he just got home he wouldn’t want to cook, and you could probably use a night off from it too.” 

“I’m sure he’ll be fine with it, we haven’t had takeout for a while so he shouldn’t cause a fuss. I’m more than okay with it.” The black haired man chuckled, running his hand gently up and down your leg absentmindedly. You gave a small chuckle back and snuggled into him more, turning your eyes to the tv as the game was turned off and Hulu was turned on. Only about ten minutes passed with you peacefully resting on your boyfriend before your last two boyfriends finally walked into the living room. 

Eijirou sat at the other end of the couch, his right leg against the couch and right dangling to the floor. Mina sat between his legs, her legs hanging over his right one, and Denki sat next to her, their shoulders touching but his legs crossed. Katsuki came to sit with you and Sero, sitting on the other side of you and wrapping an arm around your waist, pulling you back so you were laying against his chest instead of Hanta’s. The blonde hero just leaned over you though, taking the kiss from the other man’s lips that he was supposed to get when he walked in, muttering a small but definitive “There!” as he pulled away. 

You smiled at your two boys but turned away to let them have their privacy, leaning over to grab one of the joints from the table that Sero had rolled, and a lighter. Leaning back, and still sandwiched between the two men, you brought the joint to your lips and lit the other end as you inhaled. The smoke filled your lungs with a pleasant burn to the back of your throat, holding the smoke in as Katsuki took the joint from you. You just rolled your eyes at his impatient ass turned toward Hanta, giving the blonde a smirk then leaning in toward the other. 

Said man leaned in as well, opening his mouth so he could inhale the smoke flowing out of yours. Getting impatient yourself, you closed the distance between you two, molding your lips together as he exhaled the smoke through his nose. Your lips moved together in sync, the taller man setting a slow but steady pace. The pomeranian growled behind you and grabbed the back of your shirt, gently yanking you back and handing the joint off to Hanta. He took it but continued to glare at Katsuki over your flustered state. 

“You can’t just pull her back like that man!” 

“Oh yeah, what are you going to do about it Tape Face?” 

“You really want to go down this road again, bebe`?” The black haired man asked, slightly gripping the others neck with his hand. Your eyes widened and you quickly rolled off of the two, calmly making your way over to the rest of your partners. You grabbed the take out pamphlets and sat in the middle corner, facing the other three. Denki immediately abandoned his position and bounced over to you, climbing into your lap and sitting right between your crossed legs. You smiled at the adorable man, kissing his cheek and running your fingers through his black and blonde hair. 

“Hey cutie, you come here often?” He joked, leaning up to face you. You couldn’t help but laugh at his badly timed and overused joke. 

“You're lucky you're so cute, dummy.” You laughed, placing a quick kiss on his lips. He smiled and blushed a little, quickly leaning back to hide it and grabbing the bong from Mina in the process. He proceeded to take his hit while you turned toward Eji and Mina, thrusting the pamphlets toward them. 

“You guys can pick what to eat tonight. I was gonna ask Suki and Hanta too but they’re a little busy.” You explained, nodding over to said men who were still arguing. You only reached out to grab the joint that Hanta had set on the table. 

“Hey baby, can you hold this while I hit that?” You asked, holding out the joint to him and reaching toward the bong in his hand. He just nodded, wanting to see how long he could possibly hold the smoke in. 

“Your quirk hurts your lungs enough Denks, trying to hold it for so long is just gonna make it worse.” You sighed, giving him a quick kiss on the shoulder before bringing the bong to your lips and inhaling while lighting it. Said man just waved you off, his face starting to turn red from how long he was holding it. You pulled the bong away after a good couple seconds and handed it over to Mina, who passed it to Eijirou. You exhaled the smoke upwards, grabbing the joint back from Denki right before he doubled over, the smoke finally getting to him. 

“Don’t say I didn’t warn you.” You sighed, rolling your eyes and running your hand up and down his back comfortably. He reached over and grabbed a water bottle from the table, chugging half of it before finally starting to calm you. You rolled your eyes again and brought the joint to your lips, grabbing the hand he wasn’t using to drink and molding his fingers so only was being pointed. 

Used to this by now, he simply let you do what you needed to do. You brought his finger up to the end of the joint, squeezing his wrist twice once he was close enough. He sent a small shock to his fingertip, effectively re-lighting the joint for you. You quickly started to exhale, moving your hand to the back of his neck and running it through his hair to show your appreciation. Over his coughing fit, he hummed and leaned into your touch, giving you a quick kiss on the side of your head. You pulled the joint away, holding your breath for only a couple seconds, and then exhaled, passing the joint off to Mina to pass to Eijirou again. 

“Wait, I can smoke the joint this time?!” Mina asked, staring at you wide eyed. 

“Sorry pebble but not today, they just handed it to you cuz they can’t reach me. You know you and Denks can only smoke joints on special occasions, both of your quirks are really hard on your lungs!” Eijirou piped up, gently taking the joint from Mina and handing her the bong, making sure to give her a kiss on the forehead too. 

“But-but it can be a special occasion! Please Eiji, just one hit?” The pinkette pouted, giving her best puppy dog eyes to the red head. 

“How about this, when us four get to the roach, we’ll make a time bomb and let you hit that.” Eijirou suggested, taking his own hit from the joint. (If anyone doesn’t know, a timebomb is where you put a roach in the bowl and then fill the rest of the bowl, mostly done with kief :) 

“Oooh okay! That’s definitely better than the joint!” She smiled, giving Eijirou a quick kiss back on his lips and then taking her hit from the bong, proceeding to pass it to Denki. 

“Wait, if Mina can hit the time bomb, can I?!” He asked excitedly, practically bouncing in your lap. 

“Sure, but just be careful please, you already hurt your lungs today, love.” You gave Eijirou a look before answering, only answering him once the red head gave you a nod. He cheered and let out an excited thank you, hugging you tight to him. You just laughed and hugged him back, smiling at the excitement and enthusiasm that he still held, even after years of knowing him. 

He worked on calming himself down as Mina passed the joint to you. You took your hit and then looked over to Hanta and Katsuki, giggling at the scene before you. Hanta was sitting similarly to Eijirou, except both legs were wrapped around Katsuki’s torso and resting on his thighs. Katsuki was lying between his legs, his head snuggled into the crook of Hantas stomach and thigh. 

You're not sure how, or when, they got into that position, but you aren’t surprised. Katsuki comes off very harsh and domineering, but once you got to know him, you learned how nice and caring he can actually be. It takes a while, especially since he has no interest in making friends (ever), but it’s definitely worth it once you get past his walls. He would do anything for those he cared about, even more so with the 5 of you, who he was completely whipped for. 

When Hanta and Eijirou step up, it’s very easy to see the dominating nature melt away into something soft and almost unrecognisable, only showing that side to the 5 people that he loved and trusted the most. The blissful look on his face and the uncharacteristically relaxation of his muscles gave his true feelings away, even though he would swear up and down that he couldn’t stand it when Hanta did that later on. 

Your smile softened at the peaceful look on his face, noticing Hanta look down on him with an equally loving look in his eye. He looked up when he noticed you starring, giving his famous triangle smile and scratching the back of his neck. You gave him a smile back and reached over, gently rubbing Katsuki’s lower leg. He opened his eyes and looked up at you, a small smile still on his face. You reached over as far as you could with Denki in your lap, and handed him the joint. His face lit up a little as he took it from you, quickly bringing it to his lips and taking a long drag of it. 

Your attention was captured by said man in your lap as he handed you the bong, getting up to head to the bathroom, Mina getting up too so she could use it after him. You quickly took your hit off the bong and set it on the table, having cashed it, and sat up so you could pack it again. You took the fresh roach from Hanta and placed it in the bowl, grabbing the grinder next to you. 

You heard Eijirou on his phone in the background, ordering from some random take out place for all of you. You opened the second compartment on the grinder and set one half down, grabbing the very small spoon off the rolling tray and starting to transfer the kief from the grinder to the bowl. You held the roach steady as you packed around it, filling the bowl as much as you could with the small herb. 

By the time you were done so was Eijirou, so you grabbed the bong and the lighter and moved toward him. You handed him the bong and he thanked you, quickly taking his hit before passing it back to you. Before you take your hit, he grabbed your hips and pulled you toward him, making you let out a small surprised squeal. He had moved so he was sitting back against the couch, his legs spread apart comfortably. He moved you so you were sitting between his legs but facing the rest of the couch, your shoulder against his chest and your legs hanging over his. 

You blushed and giggled, welcoming the warmth of your space heater boyfriend. He chuckled and kissed the top of your head, apologizing for scarring you. You told him it was okay and leaned up to kiss his nose, making him laugh again. You sat up straight to take your hit but relaxed against him as soon as you were done, passing the bong to him so he could hold it. You heard Mina and Denki come back in but paid it no mind, the beautiful haze clouding your mind. As the two got comfortable on the couch, your feet somehow ended up under Denki’s thighs, allowing you to let out a sigh of content, your cold feet getting some much needed warmth. 

Eijirou tightened his grip around you and smirked, easily recognizing you fading in and out. You smiled again and snuggled into him, allowing your head to rest on his broad chest. He lifted your head for just a second to pull your hoodie over your head, his hand lingering to cup your face. You smiled gratefully and kissed his hand as a thank you, leaning into the touch. 

The redhead smiles and kisses your head, muttering a small “welcome”, having known you long enough to know what your small gestures mean. He held you tight against him, running his now free hand up and down your arm and resting his chin on your head. You opened your eyes briefly to see Denki and Mina sitting next to each other, giggling as they tried to hit the bong at the same time. You rolled your eyes and looked over to your last 2 partners, still in the same position that they were in. 

You smiled and let your eyes close, relaxing into your boyfriend. You loved all of your partners, even if they were loud or harsh or idiots, it didn’t matter to you. They were your idiots. And you wouldn’t change it for the world.

Masterlist 

Posted 1/4/21

[kakusu-shipping]

💕 + pokemon

Yes time to go off!!!

Pokemon's my favorite place for shipping because no one can be normal here when it comes to naming their ships. We've been around too long. We don't do name mashes here. We do Ferrishwheelshipping. We do Cafemochashipping. We do Checkmateshipping. We are off the rails and I love it here.

I will not be using ship names in my list, for I do not know all of them. Also this one got really fuckin long so under the cut it all goes.

Call back to my OW version of this post, Molayne is in the same boat as Junkrat. Any Molayne ship is a good ship. He could smooch anyone, at anytime, and I would agree. I could also see all of these happening in the same universe, as I see Molayne as very non-monogamous and affectionate

Molayne/Sophocles was my first, Lil Soffy and Big Mo my beloveds. I think they're so sweet. Molayne's fanbase is already so niche tho that there's no romantic content for them.

Kuikui/Molyane/Guzma is fantastic. Besties to polycule pipeline.

Guzma/Molyane and Kuikui/Molanye solo are both also pretty tight. Especially anime Molyane/Kuikui, the bullying is real.

I've seen Molyane/Nanu a handful of time, good stuff good stuff

Molyane/Faba? Quality, cute. Only ever seen it once

I've seen Molyane/Cyrus lately, sense Sophoclese has adopted Cryrus into his found family in masters, and I'm all for that as well.

I have no idea how to organize this list so we're just gonna go and see if I can clean it up as we do

I've been a Hilda/N shipper sense I was a small child, and I will be sticking by it till I die

Same vein Bianca/Cheren in BW2? Cuties my beloved besties

Masters got me on Cheren/Lear tho and that is so fucking *chefs kiss* honestly

There was a time in early gen 7 where I wish shipping Nanu and Looker and I'm still thinking about it too this day. Old men cops

Nanu and Grimsly are bitter exes on again off again type deal going on and I love that for them

I am not immune to the vanilla ass Red/Blue wtf his name is Gary mother fucking Oak. Especially their Alolan honeymoon forms. There was a bit for a while there when Let's Go came out where everyone declared Trace their child and I'm still on that

Brock/Oliva from the Sumo anime was very cute I do think Brock deserves a super cool rock girlfriend

In the same vein tho Oliva and Grant are the same personality type in almost every way, so I think Grant/Brock should be another common ship

Grant/Brock/Oliva rock type polycule WHEN Gamefreak. Cowards.

Cilan/Brock after that anime special where they meet up and hang out and cook I just think they'd get along

On anime Cilan, Cilan/Ash was very cute

Ash/Gladion is in the same area to me as just cute times

Ash/Goh then is peak just cute Ash ships though and I think it's mainly because Goh is very much in love with Ash

In that same vein Ash/Clemont in the XY anime was just as cute? Clemont crush on Ash?? Peak

Kuikui/Ash from the Sumo anime is also so?? I could not explain to you I just think Sumo brought out Ash's goofy stupid little boy vibes immaculately, especially around Kuikui

Colress/Ghetsis is very funny to me personally they dynamic of knowing everything about your shitty boss/old friend and using it to piss him off is peak.

The recent rise of Submas content got me to ship Ingo/Emmet and that's just on you, the fandom, who keep putting them on my dash

Ingo/Emmet/Elsa/Skyla - Ace/Aro/Lesbian/Bi polycule train my dearly beloveds

I've posted about Emmet/Volo a few times. I have no played the game Volo is from but I know of his homosexuality and I think Emmet should beat him to a pulp and make out with him at the same time

Ingo/Volo as a one night stand that Volo never stops messing with Ingo about is also very funny I don't post them often but I do love them.

Sophocles/Clemont is very cute thank you Pokemon Masters for the blond nerds who kiss food

Same vein Sophocles/Cryrus *chefs kiss* the age gap the seeing your younger self and the potential in another the healing the growth the chance to change and feel. Gorgeous

Sycamore/Lysandre is underrated and under used the way the interact in Masters makes me crazy they are dating for sure

Kiawa/Mimo from the sumo anime yet again I think the way he fawns over her is so so so cute he loves her so much

Gordie/Milo??? I don't know where this ship came from but I love them both we are a polycule their content is so cute

Hau/Gladion is very important to my me/Lillie self insert and I think they're lovely

To be a little basic yet again Archie/Maxie is very good

But also Archie/May/Maxie is even better

Not as serious but there's a scene in the BW anime where Alder flirts with Cynthia and I just think they should go on a date

I think Nessa/Sonia/Leon/Raihan are a polycule for sure

I also think Oak and Agatha are divorced

Here I'll put ships involving Pokemon separate just for the sake of it

Burgh and Leavanny are husbands. Lawfully wedded bugs

Someone got me into Whitney/Miltank (bonus the trainer that stops you when Whitney is crying is also her girlfriend they're a polycule)

Kuikui/Incineroar eats up brainspace

Guzma/Glisopod as well

Plumaria/Salazzle is also right there

Completely me alone in this one but I'm obsessed with Drayden/Axew and I could not tell you why

Hapu/Golurk as well the way it holds her in the anime is really good

I am not immune to the allure of Ash/Pikachu btw it is probably my second favorite Ash ship

Same vein Goh/Cinderace is very cute

Clemont/Luxray was so???? Yes correct sweet lovely

Pikachu/Meowth has been showing up on my dash lately and I'm slowly getting into it as well

In general Pikachu/Mimikyu ships get me every time I love them

Mew/Mewtwo very cute very soft healing and calm and snuggles and all that

I am not immune to the dark/light symbolism of Darkrai/Cresselia fantastic obsessive yandere chances as well

Same vein is Xerneas/Yveltal

I am also not immune to the sun/moon symbolism in a Gengar/Clefable ship

Entei/Heatran those are my parents my father and mother I love them

Chespin/Oshawott/Scorbunny cutest starters shipping

Raboot/Morgrem edgy boyfriends

Same vein Raboot/Quilladin/Drizzile anime/gamer boyfriends

Really any of the Inteleon/Cinderace line together is *chefs kiss*

[ashenpages]

Current Projects & Emoji Voting Key

Quick disclaimer: I’m a romance writer in all aspects of the term, so most of my works will contain mature content. Engage at your own risk, you know the rules, you’re responsible for curating your own experience of the internet, blah blah blah.

This post serves as a current mock up of fic ideas I’m either actively working on or considering working on next. You can drop me an ask about any of them, or just vote via the emoji combo I’ve assigned them.

Voting lets me know you’re excited about an idea and makes it more likely I’ll actually work on it. You can vote anytime, there’re no deadlines or winner announcements, just me gauging your interest by what I see in my ask box most often.

You can also ask me about the original stuff I’m working on currently. The current WIPs are Medusa centric and the emoji for them is: 🐍

Support my original work on Ko-fi and Patreon.

- Lupin: 🤑🤠💍  These are all oneshot ideas, between 5-15K each. If you want to vote for a specific idea, send me the emojis and the number of the idea.

Born from the idea that Goemon and Zenigata probably couldn’t be an item, my brain decided to come up with how I could write for them. Goemon’s teaching an ikebana class as part of his training, and Zenigata shows up as a student on forced recreational leave for his health from the ICPO. Zenigata wins the samurai’s heart through flowers. But what happens when Lupin and Jigen find out? (Only good sexy things, I promise. These beans are in a healthy polycule--be gay, do crimes) (WIP)

Jigen/Lupin, but it's Jigen deciding to seduce Lupin while wearing his own Lupin disguise. The thief is waaaaay too into it, and some artistry is taken with the sex so that they don't mess up the disguise too much during their encoutner.

Jigen/Zenigata/Lupin where Jigen has some fantasices about Zenigata, but is pretty sure they'll never happen. Tells Lupin about them. Suddenly the fantasies are coming true, in the middle of a heist, and Jigen doesn't what to do except get swept up in the moment and enjoy. Plot twist, it's Lupin dressed up as Zenigata granting all his gunman's dreams. Plot twist again, Zenigata catches them at it.

Zenigata/Lupin, where Lupin keeps doing good things in illegal ways and Pops has to find a way to punish him for it. Good thing for Pops Lupin's a masochist?

Trans!Lupin and Trans!Jigen premise: Jigen cares for Lupin after the master thief has top surgery, since Jigen has Been There and Done That. Caring, sweet, and a little sexy. Lupin is a much better patient than Jigen.

The one time Zenigata caught Lupin in an alley and kissed him and it was Jigen in disguise. Things get sexy anyway, and Zenigata has crushes on two thieves now. Lupin and Jigen "kidnap" him later for an evening of taking care of their inspector.

The background plot of Jigen's Gravestone where we see Jigen think he's done for and try to leave Lupin. Our thief has none of it, and we get to relish in the inherent eroticism of Lupin sitting in sniper fire, knowing Jigen's got his back. This is the moment I think Jigen finally believes he can be with Lupin forever.

I love the idea of something longer and more plot driven like a Lupin special where Lupin ends up in hot water and Jigen and Fujiko have to work together to save him. Jigen and Fujiko have such an interesting relationship. They're both partners of Lupin, they don't really like each other, they constantly screw the other over, but when it really matters they take care of each other. I'd like to see that highlighted a little more and also give them space to call each other out and bicker. Nothing sexy between them, but maybe a really interesting threesome with Lupin and Fujiko in a strap on once they save their boy.

- Sonic Vampire Novelist Coffee Shop AU: 📚☕💐

Shadow is an immortal vampire who has seen the world change for the worse too many times. These days it feels like he only lives for his coffee dates with Rouge, another immortal who loves each new era they encounter, warts and all. He has to admit that the book series she got him into speaks to him, at least. If someone in this era can understand him without meeting him, it can’t all be bad. But he hardly expected the goofy blue barista at the new coffee place to understand him the way those books do.

This is a novel length romcom romp with some big feelings about what it means to watch as things change, grow, and die. Expect lots of Big gothic feelings from this one, emotionally charged kissing, and overly-adoring sex. But also expect shenanigans from everyone in the coffee shop, which include Rouge, Amy, Tails, Knuckles, Cream, and more.

- Sonic Blazamy, "Like the Sun": 💖🌸💎

Amy Rose has been in love with Sonic for a while.

Or has she?

When the Sonic, Tails, Knuckles, Shadow, and Silver are trapped as the fuel sources for Doctor Eggman’s newest evil scheme, Amy teams up with Blaze, Rouge, and Cream to save them. With Sonic out of the picture and Amy fulfilling his role, was she ever really in love with him? Or did she just want to be like him?

This is a novel length epic romance with lots of competent women and lots of romantic Blazamy content. Expect flowery hopes and dreams, badass self-actualization, and glancing hand touches that give way to cuddly and sweet sex.

- Persona 5: 🗡🍛☕

After bringing down the Metaverse twice, Ryuji didn’t think graduating high school and figuring out what to do with his life would be so hard. Akira’s back in town, and the gang’s more-or-less all in Tokyo, but everyone else seems to have a plan while Ryuji just floats. How’s he supposed to change the world when he’s not a phantom thief anymore?

This is a novel length fic that addresses how powerless one can feel being just one person in the face of all the corrupted systems and bigotry the world has to offer. It’s about holding on to what you believe in, working through the doubt, and fighting your way to a better tomorrow with the power you do have. The whole gang is queer, featured relationships being Mako x Ann, Ryuji x Akira, Futaba & Yusuke as platonic life partners. Akira is polyamorous and omnisexual, Futaba’s asexual and aromantic while Yusuke is demisexual and very romantic, Makoto’s a lesbian, Ann and Ryuji are bi, and Haru’s pansexual, demisexual, and aromantic. They’re one giant band of queer Phantom Thieves, and even if they’re not really doing the Metaverse thing anymore, they’re still gonna save the world!

Also, I’m gonna make Makoto not a cop. That super didn’t age well. Zenkichi and his boss can work on making them better/abolishing them for other better organizations.

- Hades Game: ❤️‍🔥💀

Oneshot. I just really need to elaborate on the threesome you can have with them in-game, okay? Healthy and canon poly relationships are so few and far between, so often I have to do a ton of groundwork to explain why it’s working in the fic, but NOT WITH THESE KIDS!

Get ready for Meg helping Zag and Than be better at expressing their feelings, lots of kissing, and probably pegging.

- Castlevania Animation Trevor/Sypha/Alucard: 🧛🏰🛌

Castlevania gave Alucard a threesome last season, and I just really need S4 to give me him being taken care of by his partners. They’re probably not going to give it to me, so I’ll need to do it myself. This is just an everybody loves Alucard oneshot, with the gang’s signature banter (to an extent), Sypha being sexy, and Trever being remarkably sincere. This fic is gonna feel like that Ann Hathaway picture with Trevor kissing Alucard and Sypha holding the end of Trevor’s whip while she leans her head on Alucard’s shoulder adoringly.

- Devil May Cry Nico/Lady/Trish: 💋✨😈

Nico’s gay, okay? Like really, really gay. And Lady’s bi and not into men who make her pay bills, but very into women who make amazing guns for her and demonesses with hearts who fight by her side. Trish is ace, but loves people and is pretty attached to Lady at this point. Plus it’s cute when Lady blushes and says nice things like they’re insults. I don’t have super solid ideas for them yet, and I envision these more like a polycule where Lady’s with Nico and with Trish but they’re not with each other more than seeing it as a threesome, but who knows what might happen. This is probably 1-2 oneshots depending on ideas, but might turn into a series of oneshots if people are interested (or I can’t control myself and inspiration strikes).

- Post FMA:B Blind Roy & No Alchemy Ed: 👀👑🙏

This is actually an old novel-length fic I wrote ages ago and didn’t post that didn’t turn out well because I was new to writing sex when I first wrote it. The plot is good, and is all about Roy learning to work with his blindness to reclaim his ambition of being Fuhrer and changing the system to something that actually cares for its people. He and Ed reconnect, fall into bed, and both set about working through their respective traumas about being “useless” having lost their sight/alchemy. They go to Xing as an ambassadorial party to offer Amestris’s collaboration on Al and May’s Alkahestry experiments--and uncover a plot that might threaten both kingdoms.

- Age of Calamity continuity Mipha x Revali: 🦚🐟💘

The first time Revali noticed Mipha, it was in the heat of battle. She stole his mark, taking them down with a flurry of quick blows from her spear. Violence rained from her like water--and then she healed him on her way to her next battle. No questions, no conditions, just pure kindness. The usual need to measure himself against those around him was quiet in her wake. And Revali couldn’t understand it. But how to get to know more about her? A fish and bird may fall in love, but where would they live?

This fic could be a oneshot or novel length depending on how far down the hole I fall. I need it to cover time, but it could be done in linked vignettes or with actually covering events in detail. I may elect to do a oneshot just to get it done and out of my system faster. So much fic to write, so little time.

Expect trans!Revali, polyamorous Zoras, scary competent Mipha, songbird Revali, love confessions that are made up entirely of berating Link for not loving Mipha the way she wants him to, and breaking these characters a little outside of their assigned roles in BotW and Age of Calamity. Background Link x Zelda, and Urbosa x Zelda’s Mom.

- Epic desert romance about Urbosa and Zelda’s mom: 🏜🏝⚡

I just think Urbosa should kiss women and Zelda’s mom should get more development and maybe a name or something. Also, lightning imagery/metaphors/play.

It also went way over my head that Riju wasn’t Urbosa’s daughter the first time I played BotW, so now I want to write about the Gerudo queen who refused to produce an heir. The Gerudo are fascinating and have a very interesting cutlure, but I think it could be examined from a nonbinary perspective that rejected pregnancy and wanting to find a husband. Not in like a hateful way, but in a way that examines if that’s really right for everyone. There’s that shop in town that sells Voe armor, after all. Maybe finding a husband and having children isn’t something you have to do if you don’t want to. And Urbosa really doesn’t want to.

[veldian]

tell us more of ur think tank hcs i personally am at the edge of my seat

HELL YEAH ALRIGHT HERE WE GO. some of these might be against canon in some way but that's your fault for trusting me with this

ALSO, AS USUAL, I HAVE TO APOLOGIZE. THIS GOT VERY LONG. when i think about the tanks i go fuckin wild with it

starting with pride headcanons to get the ball rolling

all the tanks are nonbinary, but additionally, dala is a trans woman and 0 is a trans man

8 hates gender he fucking hates it. every day he wakes up and says "today i will make gender my bitch" and then he does. he says this in the game too you just don't know cuz he only speaks in static (don't factcheck this)

if you ask 8 what pronouns she uses, they will shrug and give you a "i dunno" noise. sometimes it'll make a non-committal hand movement and some unintelligible noises. good luck

god this bitch (borous) is gay! good for him! good for him.

he's also intersex! i don't remember where we got that hc but i like it and im holding onto it

okay but borous calls himself bi because yeah Men, but he also loves dala very much and doesn't want to misgender her. also as previously stated, 8's main goal is to confuse everyone about their gender so the tanks all stick with mspec labels to be on the safe side. you never know what'll happen. gender is a ticking time bomb

bi gang: klein, borous, 0

pan gang: dala, mobius

don't ask her about any of her identities she doesn't know the answer either: 8

have i gone off about polytank dynamics enough? i don't think so

8 and dala started dating first because horny bitches gravitate towards each other. they can also "pass" as a "straight couple" so hopefully no one at work will look at them and call them slurs. hopefully

klein and borous knocked things out of the park for being the first gay scientists ever

8 and dala became polyam icons and pulled 0 in. trans bitches gravitate towards each other

klein and borous did the same with mobius. bitches with facial hair gravitate towards each other

???????

idk and then all six of them started dating somehow. the end

somewhere along the way klein and 8 were like "i like you a little too much" and now they're inseparable

okay anyway. misc hcs

ive mentioned this before but when i pretend everything is in modern times, 0 is a tiktokker and he thrives on the attention and making fun of his coworkers on the internet

"watching steven universe repeatedly when i felt even slightly bad transed my gender" - doctor 8 old world blues

i just remembered i made a carrd for the tanks as if they were kinnies in their early to mid 20s

8 kinned pearl su. borous kinned werewolf cookie. 0 kinned rimmer red dwarf. mobius kinned... morbius forbidden planet. obviously. klein refused to put his kins on it. DID DALA KIN FROM DANGANRONPA

i think at one point we had a half-joking hc where klein gets nauseous if he sees blood

and then that changed to he can't see others blood, only his own

while borous can't see his own blood, but he's fine seeing other ppl's

i know borous said that gabe barked at everyone, but i think gabe trusts the other tanks because he knows borous does

borous set up a kissing booth with gabe. the crowd goes wild

when the tanks get together they usually go to klein's. he's the leader or something. also he has a fucking bar in his house.

he complains about them the whole time but you can really tell he loves having people over. why else would he deck his house out like that? he LOVES hosting stuff. house husband

if you saw my chart where i said klein would rather die than do dishes, i was so wrong. his house is pristine. its easily the cleanest

klein's love language is acts of service. he goes over to his partners' houses when they feel awful and clean stuff up for them when they can't. he also makes them food if they want it. he only complains a little, but you can tell he's mostly teasing

did you know klein has five mugs in his kitchen in-game. he's literally prepared to host his partners at any given moment.

the group have learned that letting 8 come over when their house is a mess is a Huge mistake. it goes from 8 trying to help "tidy up" to "im going to put your books and albums in alphabetical order by artist also your clothes are going to be hue-sorted"

"8 why are there only 8 books on each of my bookshelves"

"it looks better"

"it literally does not"

8 can no longer stomach going into 0's house

on the other hand, 0 hates staying in 8's house. the ticking of all their clocks is sensory hell

on 80 date nights they have to do rock-paper-scissors for which house they go to. or they go out. they love each other but their houses drive the other fucking nuts

oh speaking of their houses. yes dala said she didn't like Literal Teddy Bears but that is null and void considering she has teddies in her house

and she has 5 on her bed. five of them :)

she named all of them after her partners! its mostly cute but there is a slight bit of concern because they know what she does with them <__<

not that 8 has any place to judge. mobius found batteries under its pillow once. all 8 said was "they can vibrate." mobius regrets touching them.

i don't know what to say about dala's mannequins i don't have anything funny im just scared

WHY ARE 0 AND KLEIN THE ONLY ONES WITH BATHROOMS IT DRIVES ME INSANE 0'S BATHTUB ISNT EVEN LAYING DOWN ITS AGAINST THE WALL WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT GENERATOR IN HIS BATHROOM DO THE OTHER TANKS JUST SHIT OUTSIDE I'M SEEING RED

mobius and 0 are both into robotics, and they worked together to make muggy, so they've had date nights where they mainly tinker with electronic things.

0 gets very excited when he makes a breakthrough, and seeing that warms mobius's heart. mobius made a habit of kissing 0 on the forehead or squeezing 0 into a hug when they figure things out.

(0 remembers he likes men.) 😳

dala/klein date nights are essentially just them drinking and gossiping chatting

i asked polycule for some more, so here are ones from your local think tank kinnies

borous -

"klein and borous both like classical music in very different ways. klein mostly likes it to feel smart (see: wheatley) but he just started associating it with the others so it felt nicer And borous just likes it bc hes borous"

klein also likes jazz, but so do all the rest of them

8 has a cochlear implant

"dala likes dressing up to look pretty (see: runway) but is personally embarrassed by it (until she gets encouragement) bc she feels like the others dont support that"

"0 loves collecting and reading those stupid magazines with the birthday party products and themes that ud wanna buy from as a kid but are way too expensive"

"mobius has a secret love for puppetry and will try to bring it up sometimes whenever he can. hes made 3 separate sets of the other tanks as puppets and they freak 0 out"

"borous, in an attempt to better his faults, has started learning from dala and 8 on how to take care of plants instead of what he did before. his basement turns into a cool little green house cozy cuddle area"

"to add on: 8 gardens to cope whenever hes alone bc (projects onto ur kin) he mood drops very fast when alone"

"mobius likes dressing in cozy sweaters and fancy stuff"

0 -

"0 doesn't like anal that much" (thanks.)

dala -

"their new rap album called boyz in the tanks" (THANKS.)

and to top things off, :) here are the normal names for them all, created primarily by our borous kinnie

klein - Ernest Klein (nicknamed ernie)

mobius - Wilbert Mobius (nicknamed bert)

borous - James H. Borous (nicknamed jamie)

dala - Dala Theodore (HER NICKNAME IS TEDDY ITS GENIUS)

8 - Emmett Handley (nicknamed 8 + emmy)

0 - Robert O'Barrick (nicknamed 0/O + robbie (HIM SHARING HOUSE'S NAME IS INTENTIONAL. HE'S TRANS HE PICKED HIS NAME WHY DID HE DO THIS))

[quousque]

11 Tag

(Rules: Answer eleven questions, make eleven questions and tag eleven people)

Thanks @forgetting-how-to-breathe for tagging me!

What’s your favourite genre of music?

I like a lot of stuff, tbh, but my favorite is stuff I can sing along to. I listen to a lot of classic rock (first radio station I found when I moved to Missoula and I never changed it), and old country music (Kingston Trio, thanks mom)

What’s your favourite kind of book to read? (This doesn’t have to be restricted to genre answers)

I read a lot of fantasy books, but lately I’ve been gravitating towards informative nonfiction, like books on Roman/Greek history and culture, or books about specific topics (e.g. history of spinning, weaving, and fiber crafts).

Do you prefer TV series or films?

Series, because there’s so much more material for the fandom to work with, so there’s usually a greater variety and abundance of ships, headcanons, etc. And the fandoms stay more active for longer, because of the extended release of content.

Do you have a favourite place?

Interlochen, Michigan would have to be high up there. My grandparents have a cottage on a lake and my family visited every summer when I was a kid. 

Do you have a fairly set day to day routine or do you fly be the seat of your pants?

A mix of both. I have a set routine for getting ready in the morning, and a set routine for getting ready for the next day (if I don’t pack everything I need for the next day the night before, I am 100% guaranteed to forget something AND be late). My going to bed routine is a mess, but better than it was. If one tiny thing in the sleep routine goes wrong, all of my routines fall apart and it takes weeks to put it back together. So I work really hard to safeguard my routines, but I end up flying by the seat of my pants a lot anyway.

What’s one thing you wish you could change? (About yourself, the world, the universe, whatever)

I would want to not have ADHD. If someone offered to snap their fingers and cure it instantly, literally reform my brain so it worked properly, I would say yes with no hesitation. It’s a debilitating disability that affects literally every aspect of my life, and is indirectly responsible for a lot of emotional and physical pain. 

How would you describe your sense of style?

mix of form-fitting (ish) athletic wear because I do some form of sports 6 days a week, graphic tshirts from when I was dressing exclusively in loose, baggy men’s clothing, and beginning to branch out into more standard women’s clothes (for instance, I own one (1) pair of jeans. Sure they’re men’s skinny jeans, but they fit me better than any women’s jeans I’ve ever worn). The unifying factor is that everything I wear has POCKETS.

How would you describe the aesthetic of your living space? Is it different or the same from your goal aesthetic?

nonexistent, as I’m between places currently. But judging by my last place, the aesthetic is Workbench in the Corner, Knick-knacks on the Shelves, Lots of Stuff, and also Where is the Floor, Why is your Room Carpeted in Clothes and Piles of Paper?. I’ve been working really hard on not having a constant mess, and though no one would call me neat, I’ve improved a lot. Hopefully one day I’ll have a lot less stuff (keeping the knick-knacks tho), and I won’t leave a whole bunch of shit on the floor all the time.

Do you have any odd hobbies or skills? (Odd here can be defined in a broad sense, or in a “I’m the only one of my friends that knows how to__” kind of way)

I’m a fencer, which isn’t too common. I also like to construct costumes, but, like, out of random shit I find lying around and almost always last-minute. Last-minute costuming on the cheap is my jam. I’m also into storytelling, LARP/roleplaying (improv acting, even though I’ve never actually taken an improv class), and solving random problems by building something. I often see something and think “I could do that better” or “No one does this in a way that’s perfect for me, so I guess I will”. Thus, I’ve made my own shoes, sports bras, fencing chest protector, fencing test box socket adaptor, extra tall workbench so I can stand while I work, etc.

What is your dream job?

Maybe a therapist? Or an ADHD coach. Something that involves helping people, in a teaching kind of way, but where I’m providing the environment and coaching for them to figure it out themselves. I want to help people non-neurotypical people who struggle with things that other people don’t struggle with, because I know that struggle, I know how hard it is. And I’m pretty good at listening to people and making them feel understood, which is a skill I’d like to build on. I also want a job where I can set my own schedule, take large chunks of time off, leaves room for lots of hobbies, pays well enough, and is engaging so that there’s always a new problem to solve, but not so demanding that I end up dedicating all my time and energy to it.

Another dream job would be designing gear- for fencing, hiking/backpacking, travel, etc.

What would your dream home look like?

Small and easy to maintain, with a small work out area and a large workshop. Far away from traffic noise, with a nice view and a nice yard. Preferably next to open space. Walking distance from grocery stores, job, most places I’d need to go. Not more than 20 minute drive away from friends, work, etc. Any color except beige.

I’m tagging @olofahere , @terpsikeraunos , @persian-slipper , @freeformtarsier , @bee-fabulous , @punk-lucifer , @oddchelonian , @lost-in-pink , @shadowmaat, @aethersea , and @anexperimentallife !

Questions for y’all to answer:

1. Would you rather have ripped arms, or really jacked legs? Why?

2. If you could instantly become pretty good (like, won state high school championships good, not olympic good) at any sport or other activity, what would you choose?

3. Ideal living situation, in terms of people you’re living with. Alone? Nuclear family? Just significant other? Roommates? Platonic life partners? Three generations of family? Polycule? You and 500 cats?

4. If you could change one thing about your town/city/place of habitation, what would you change?

5. If your current country of residence were to decide to move its capitol, where do you think they should put it, and why?

6. What thing have you done this past week that you are most proud of?

7. What was the most confusing, perplexing, or befuddling thing that happened to you in the past week?

8. What are you most looking forward to in the coming week?

9. If you are in any fandoms, what is the fandom you are currently most active in? What do you like best about it? What would you change? 

10. stupidest reason you’ve ever decided you like something?

11. A unicorn bewitches you such that every time you hear someone snap their fingers, you turn into a certain animal (and back when you hear another snap). What animal would you choose to turn into?

[lodelss]

Soraya Roberts | Longreads | November 2018 | 10 minutes (2,422 words)

Should I be married to a woman? If today were yesterday, if all this sexual fluidity were in the discourse when I was coming of age in the ‘90s, would I have been with a woman instead of a man? It is a question that “The Bisexual” creator Desiree Akhavan also poses in the second episode of her Hulu series, co-produced with Channel 4 because no U.S. network wanted it. Akhavan directed, co-wrote, and stars in the show in which her character, Leila, splits with her girlfriend of 10 years, Sadie (Maxine Peake), and starts having sex with men for the first time. So, Leila asks, if the opposite had happened to her — as it did to me — and a guy had swept her off her feet instead of a woman, would things have turned out differently? “Maybe I would’ve gone the path of least resistance,” Leila says. Maybe I did.

This is a conundrum that marks a previous generation — one that had to “fight for it,” as Akhavan’s heroine puts it, and is all the more self-conscious for being juxtaposed with the next one, the one populated by the fluid youth of social media idolizing the likes of pansexual Janelle Monáe, polyamorous Ezra Miller, undecided Lucas Hedges. Call it a queer generation gap (what’s one more label?). “I don’t know what it’s like to grow up with the Internet,” 32-year-old Akhavan explains to a younger self-described “queer woman” in her show. “I just get the sense that it’s changing your relationship to gender and to sexuality in a really good way, but in a way I can’t relate to.”

***

This Playboy bunny is chest out, lips open, legs wide. This Playboy bunny is every other Playboy bunny except for the flat hairy chest because this Playboy bunny is Ezra Miller. The star of Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald calls himself “queer” but it’s hard to take him seriously. What was it Susan Sontag said: it’s not camp if it’s trying to be camp? And for the past few months, while promoting the Potterverse prequel no one asked for, this 26-year-old fashionisto has been trying his damndest, styling himself as a sort of latter day Ziggy Stardust — the monastic Moncler puffer cape, the glittering Givenchy feathers — minus the depth. Six months ago, Miller looked like every other guy on the red carpet and now, per his own request, models bunny ears, fishnets, and heels as a gender-fluid rabbit for a randy Playboy interview. Okay, I guess, but it reads disingenuous to someone who grew up surrounded by closets to see them plundered so flagrantly for publicity. Described as “attracted to men and women,” Miller is nevertheless quoted mostly on the subject of guys, the ones he jerked off and fell in love with. He claims his lack of romantic success has lead him to be a polycule: a “polyamorous molecule” involving multiple “queer beings who understand me as a queer being.”

The article hit two weeks after i-D published a feature in which heartthrob Harry Styles interviewed heartthrob Timothée Chalamet with — despite their supposed reframing of masculinity — the upshot, as always, being female genuflection. “I want to say you can be whatever you want to be,” Chalamet explains, styled as a sensitive greaser for the cover. “There isn’t a specific notion, or jean size, or muscle shirt, or affectation, or eyebrow raise, or dissolution, or drug use that you have to take part in to be masculine.” Styles, on brand, pushes it further. “I think there’s so much masculinity in being vulnerable and allowing yourself to be feminine,” the 24-year-old musician says, “and I’m very comfortable with that.” (Of course you are comfortable, white guy…did I say that out loud?) As part of the boy band One Direction, Styles was marketed as a female fantasy and became a kind of latter-day Mick Jagger, the playboy who gets all the girls. His subsequent refusal to label himself, the rumors about his close relationship with band mate Louis Tomlinson, and the elevation of his song “Medicine” to “bisexual anthem”– “The boys and the girls are in/I mess around with them/And I’m OK with it” — all build on a solid foundation of cis white male heterosexuality.

Timothée Chalamet’s sexuality, meanwhile, flows freely between fiction and fact. While the 22-year-old actor is “straight-identifying,” he acquires a queer veneer by virtue of his signature role as Call Me by Your Name’s Elio, a bisexual teen (or, at least, a boy who has had sex with both women and men). Yet off screen, as Timothée, he embodies a robust heterosexuality. On social media, the thirst for him skews overwhelmingly female, while reports about his romantic partners — Madonna’s daughter, Johnny Depp’s daughter — not only paint him straight but enviably so. Lucas Hedges, another straight-identified actor who plays gay in the conversion therapy drama Boy Erased, somewhat disrupts this narrative, returning fluidity to the ambiguous space it came from. The 21-year-old admitted in an interview with Vulture that he found it difficult to pin himself down, having been “infatuated with” close male friends but more often women. “I recognize myself as existing on that spectrum,” he says. “Not totally straight, but also not gay and not necessarily bisexual.” That he felt “ashamed” for not being binary despite having a sixth-grade health teacher who introduced him to the range of sexuality suggests how married our culture is to it.

As a woman familiar with the shame associated with female sexuality, it’s difficult to ignore the difference in tenor of the response to famous young white males like Miller, Styles, and Chalamet and famous black women like Janelle Monáe and Tessa Thompson not only discussing it, but making even more radical statements. Appearing on the cover of Rolling Stone in May, Monáe said straight up (so to speak): “Being a queer black woman in America — someone who has been in relationships with both men and women — I consider myself to be a free-ass motherfucker.” The same age as Desiree Akhavan, 32, Monáe identified as bisexual until she read about pansexuality. She initially came out through her music; her album, Dirty Computer, contains a song called “Q.U.E.E.N.” which was originally titled “Q.U.E.E.R.,” while the music video accompanying “Pynk” has actress Tessa Thompson emerging from Monáe’s Georgia O’Keeffe-esque pants. While neither one of them has discussed their relationship in detail, Thompson, who in Porter magazine’s July issue revealed she is attracted to men and women, said, “If people want to speculate about what we are, that’s okay.”

The mainstream press and what appeared to be a number of non-queer social media acolytes credited Chalamet and Styles with redefining their gender and trouncing toxic masculinity. “[H]arry styles, ezra miller, and timothee chalamet are going to save the world,” tweeted one woman, while The Guardian dubbed Miller the “hero we need right now.” Monáe, meanwhile, was predominantly championed by queer fans (“can we please talk about how our absolute monarch Janelle Monáe has been telegraphing her truth to the queers thru her art and fashion for YEARS and now this Rolling Stone interview is a delicious cherry on top + a ‘told u so’ to all the h*teros”) and eclipsed by questions about what pansexual actually means. While white male fluidity was held up as heroic, female fluidity, particularly black female fluidity, was somehow unremarkable. Why? Part of the answer was recently, eloquently, provided by “Younger” star Nico Tortorella, who identifies as gender-fluid, bisexual, and polyamorous. “I get to share my story,” he told The Daily Beast. “That’s a privilege that I have because of what I look like, the color of my skin, what I have between my legs, my straight passing-ness, everything.”

***

When I was growing up sex was not fun, it was fraught. Sex was AIDS, disease, death. The Supreme Court of Canada protected sexual orientation under the Charter when I was 15 but I went to school in Alberta, Canada’s version of Texas — my gym teacher was the face of Alberta beef. In my high school, no one was gay even if they were. All gender was binary. Sex was a penis in a vagina. Popular culture was as straight, and even Prince and David Bowie seemed to use their glam sparkle to sleep with more women rather than fewer. Bisexual women on film were murderers (Basic Instinct) or sluts (Chasing Amy) and in the end were united by their desire for “some serious deep dicking.” I saw no bisexual women on television (I didn’t watch “Buffy”) and LGBTQ characters were limited (“My So-Called Life”). Alanis Morissette was considered pop music’s feminist icon, but even she was singing about Dave Coulier. And the female celebrities who seemed to swing both ways — Madonna, Drew Barrymore, Bijou Phillips — were the kind who were already acting out, their sexuality a hallmark of their lack of control.

“I think unrealistic depictions of sex and relationships are harmful,” Akhavan told The New York Times. “I was raised on them and the first time I had sex, I had learned everything from film and television and I was like ‘Oh, this isn’t at all like I saw on the screen.’” Bisexuality has historically been passed over on screen for a more accessible binary depiction of relationships. In her 2013 book The B Word: Bisexuality in Contemporary Film and Television, Maria San Filippo describes what has become known as “bisexual erasure” in pop culture: “Outside of the erotically transgressive realms of art cinema and pornography, screen as well as ‘real life’ bisexuality is effaced not only by what I’ve named compulsory monosexuality but also by compulsory monogamy,” she writes, adding, “the assumption remains that the gender of one’s current object choice indicates one’s sexuality.” So even high-profile films that include leads having sex with both genders — Brokeback Mountain, The Kids Are All Right, Blue Is the Warmest Color, Carol, Call Me By Your Name — are coded “gay” rather than “bi.”

Despite the rise in bisexual women on the small screen like Annalise in “How to Get Away with Murder,” Syd in “Transparent,” and Ilana in “Broad City,” GLAAD’s latest report on inclusion cited continued underrepresentation. While 28 percent of LGBTQ characters on television are bisexual, the majority are women (75 versus 18) and they are often associated with harmful tropes — sex is used to move the plot forward and the characters scan amoral and manipulative. This despite an increase in the U.S.’s queer population to 4.5 percent in 2017 from 3.5 percent in 2012 (when Gallup started tracking it). A notable detail is the extreme generational divide in identification: “The percentage of millennials who identify as LGBT expanded from 7.3% to 8.1% from 2016 to 2017, and is up from 5.8% in 2012,” reported Gallup. “By contrast, the LGBT percentage in Generation X (those born from 1965 to 1979) was up only .2% from 2016 to 2017.”

Here’s the embarrassing part. While I am technically a millennial, I align more with Generation X (that’s not the embarrassing bit). I am attracted more to men, but I am attracted to women as well yet don’t identify as LGBTQ. How best to describe this? I remember a relative being relieved when I acquired my first boyfriend (it was late). “Oh good, I thought you were gay,” they said. I was angry at them for suggesting that being gay was a bad thing, but also relieved that I had dodged a bullet. This isn’t exactly the internalized homophobia that Hannah Gadsby talked about, but it isn’t exactly not. My parents and my brother would have been fine with me being gay. So what’s the problem? The problem is that the standard I grew up with — in the culture, in the world around me — was not homosexuality, it was heterosexuality. I don’t judge non-heterosexual relationships, but having one myself somehow falls short of ideal. For the same reason, I can’t shake the false belief that lesbian sex is less legitimate than gay sex between men. The ideal is penetration. “That’s some Chasing Amy shit,” my boyfriend, eight years younger, said. And, yeah, unfortunately, it is. I have company though.

In a survey released in June, billed as “the most comprehensive of its kind,” Whitman Insight Strategies and BuzzFeed News polled 880 LGBTQ Americans, almost half of whom were between the ages of 18 and 29, and found that the majority, 46 percent, identified as bisexual. While women self-described as bi four times as often as men (79 to 19 percent), the report did not offer a single clear reason for the discrepancy. It did, however, suggest “phallocentrism,” the notion that the penis is the organizing principle for the world, the standard. In other words, sex is a penis in a vagina. “While bisexual women are often stereotyped as sleeping with women for male attention, or just going through a phase en route to permanent heterosexuality,” the report reads, “the opposite is presumed of bisexual men: that they are simply confused or semi-closeted gay men.” This explains why women who come out, like Monáe and Thompson, are considered less iconoclastic in the popular culture than men who even just make vague gestures towards fluidity — the stakes are considered higher for the guys. In truth, few feel comfortable being bi. Though the Pew Research Center’s survey of queer Americans in 2013 revealed that 40 percent of respondents identified as bisexual, this population was less likely to come out and more likely to be with a partner of the opposite sex. Famous women like Maria Bello, Cynthia Nixon, and Kristen Stewart have all come out, yet none of them really use the label.

“Not feeling gay enough, that’s something I felt a lot of guilt over,” Akhavan told the Times. It is guilt like this and the aforementioned shame which makes it all the more frustrating to watch the ease with which the younger generation publicly owns their fluidity. It is doubly hard to watch young white men being praised for wearing bunny ears in a magazine that has so long objectified women, simply because the expectations are so much lower for them. “I’m not looking down on the younger experience of being queer,” Akhavan said, “but I do think that there’s a resentment there that we gloss over.” In response, many of us react conservatively, with the feeling that they haven’t worked for it, that it is somehow less earned because of that. This is an acknowledgment of that resentment, of the eye rolling and the snickering with which we respond to the youth (ah, youth!). In the end we are not judging you for being empowered. We are judging ourselves for not being empowered enough.

* * *

Soraya Roberts is a culture columnist at Longreads.

[lodelss]

The Queer Generation Gap

Soraya Roberts | Longreads | November 2018 | 10 minutes (2,422 words)

Should I be married to a woman? If today were yesterday, if all this sexual fluidity were in the discourse when I was coming of age in the ‘90s, would I have been with a woman instead of a man? It is a question that “The Bisexual” creator Desiree Akhavan also poses in the second episode of her Hulu series, co-produced with Channel 4 because no U.S. network wanted it. Akhavan directed, co-wrote, and stars in the show in which her character, Leila, splits with her girlfriend of 10 years, Sadie (Maxine Peake), and starts having sex with men for the first time. So, Leila asks, if the opposite had happened to her — as it did to me — and a guy had swept her off her feet instead of a woman, would things have turned out differently? “Maybe I would’ve gone the path of least resistance,” Leila says. Maybe I did.

This is a conundrum that marks a previous generation — one that had to “fight for it,” as Akhavan’s heroine puts it, and is all the more self-conscious for being juxtaposed with the next one, the one populated by the fluid youth of social media idolizing the likes of pansexual Janelle Monáe, polyamorous Ezra Miller, undecided Lucas Hedges. Call it a queer generation gap (what’s one more label?). “I don’t know what it’s like to grow up with the Internet,” 32-year-old Akhavan explains to a younger self-described “queer woman” in her show. “I just get the sense that it’s changing your relationship to gender and to sexuality in a really good way, but in a way I can’t relate to.”

***

This Playboy bunny is chest out, lips open, legs wide. This Playboy bunny is every other Playboy bunny except for the flat hairy chest because this Playboy bunny is Ezra Miller. The star of Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald calls himself “queer” but it’s hard to take him seriously. What was it Susan Sontag said: it’s not camp if it’s trying to be camp? And for the past few months, while promoting the Potterverse prequel no one asked for, this 26-year-old fashionisto has been trying his damndest, styling himself as a sort of latter day Ziggy Stardust — the monastic Moncler puffer cape, the glittering Givenchy feathers — minus the depth. Six months ago, Miller looked like every other guy on the red carpet and now, per his own request, models bunny ears, fishnets, and heels as a gender-fluid rabbit for a randy Playboy interview. Okay, I guess, but it reads disingenuous to someone who grew up surrounded by closets to see them plundered so flagrantly for publicity. Described as “attracted to men and women,” Miller is nevertheless quoted mostly on the subject of guys, the ones he jerked off and fell in love with. He claims his lack of romantic success has lead him to be a polycule: a “polyamorous molecule” involving multiple “queer beings who understand me as a queer being.”

The article hit two weeks after i-D published a feature in which heartthrob Harry Styles interviewed heartthrob Timothée Chalamet with — despite their supposed reframing of masculinity — the upshot, as always, being female genuflection. “I want to say you can be whatever you want to be,” Chalamet explains, styled as a sensitive greaser for the cover. “There isn’t a specific notion, or jean size, or muscle shirt, or affectation, or eyebrow raise, or dissolution, or drug use that you have to take part in to be masculine.” Styles, on brand, pushes it further. “I think there’s so much masculinity in being vulnerable and allowing yourself to be feminine,” the 24-year-old musician says, “and I’m very comfortable with that.” (Of course you are comfortable, white guy…did I say that out loud?) As part of the boy band One Direction, Styles was marketed as a female fantasy and became a kind of latter-day Mick Jagger, the playboy who gets all the girls. His subsequent refusal to label himself, the rumors about his close relationship with band mate Louis Tomlinson, and the elevation of his song “Medicine” to “bisexual anthem”– “The boys and the girls are in/I mess around with them/And I’m OK with it” — all build on a solid foundation of cis white male heterosexuality.

Timothée Chalamet’s sexuality, meanwhile, flows freely between fiction and fact. While the 22-year-old actor is “straight-identifying,” he acquires a queer veneer by virtue of his signature role as Call Me by Your Name’s Elio, a bisexual teen (or, at least, a boy who has had sex with both women and men). Yet off screen, as Timothée, he embodies a robust heterosexuality. On social media, the thirst for him skews overwhelmingly female, while reports about his romantic partners — Madonna’s daughter, Johnny Depp’s daughter — not only paint him straight but enviably so. Lucas Hedges, another straight-identified actor who plays gay in the conversion therapy drama Boy Erased, somewhat disrupts this narrative, returning fluidity to the ambiguous space it came from. The 21-year-old admitted in an interview with Vulture that he found it difficult to pin himself down, having been “infatuated with” close male friends but more often women. “I recognize myself as existing on that spectrum,” he says. “Not totally straight, but also not gay and not necessarily bisexual.” That he felt “ashamed” for not being binary despite having a sixth-grade health teacher who introduced him to the range of sexuality suggests how married our culture is to it.

As a woman familiar with the shame associated with female sexuality, it’s difficult to ignore the difference in tenor of the response to famous young white males like Miller, Styles, and Chalamet and famous black women like Janelle Monáe and Tessa Thompson not only discussing it, but making even more radical statements. Appearing on the cover of Rolling Stone in May, Monáe said straight up (so to speak): “Being a queer black woman in America — someone who has been in relationships with both men and women — I consider myself to be a free-ass motherfucker.” The same age as Desiree Akhavan, 32, Monáe identified as bisexual until she read about pansexuality. She initially came out through her music; her album, Dirty Computer, contains a song called “Q.U.E.E.N.” which was originally titled “Q.U.E.E.R.,” while the music video accompanying “Pynk” has actress Tessa Thompson emerging from Monáe’s Georgia O’Keeffe-esque pants. While neither one of them has discussed their relationship in detail, Thompson, who in Porter magazine’s July issue revealed she is attracted to men and women, said, “If people want to speculate about what we are, that’s okay.”

The mainstream press and what appeared to be a number of non-queer social media acolytes credited Chalamet and Styles with redefining their gender and trouncing toxic masculinity. “[H]arry styles, ezra miller, and timothee chalamet are going to save the world,” tweeted one woman, while The Guardian dubbed Miller the “hero we need right now.” Monáe, meanwhile, was predominantly championed by queer fans (“can we please talk about how our absolute monarch Janelle Monáe has been telegraphing her truth to the queers thru her art and fashion for YEARS and now this Rolling Stone interview is a delicious cherry on top + a ‘told u so’ to all the h*teros”) and eclipsed by questions about what pansexual actually means. While white male fluidity was held up as heroic, female fluidity, particularly black female fluidity, was somehow unremarkable. Why? Part of the answer was recently, eloquently, provided by “Younger” star Nico Tortorella, who identifies as gender-fluid, bisexual, and polyamorous. “I get to share my story,” he told The Daily Beast. “That’s a privilege that I have because of what I look like, the color of my skin, what I have between my legs, my straight passing-ness, everything.”

***

When I was growing up sex was not fun, it was fraught. Sex was AIDS, disease, death. The Supreme Court of Canada protected sexual orientation under the Charter when I was 15 but I went to school in Alberta, Canada’s version of Texas — my gym teacher was the face of Alberta beef. In my high school, no one was gay even if they were. All gender was binary. Sex was a penis in a vagina. Popular culture was as straight, and even Prince and David Bowie seemed to use their glam sparkle to sleep with more women rather than fewer. Bisexual women on film were murderers (Basic Instinct) or sluts (Chasing Amy) and in the end were united by their desire for “some serious deep dicking.” I saw no bisexual women on television (I didn’t watch “Buffy”) and LGBTQ characters were limited (“My So-Called Life”). Alanis Morissette was considered pop music’s feminist icon, but even she was singing about Dave Coulier. And the female celebrities who seemed to swing both ways — Madonna, Drew Barrymore, Bijou Phillips — were the kind who were already acting out, their sexuality a hallmark of their lack of control.

“I think unrealistic depictions of sex and relationships are harmful,” Akhavan told The New York Times. “I was raised on them and the first time I had sex, I had learned everything from film and television and I was like ‘Oh, this isn’t at all like I saw on the screen.’” Bisexuality has historically been passed over on screen for a more accessible binary depiction of relationships. In her 2013 book The B Word: Bisexuality in Contemporary Film and Television, Maria San Filippo describes what has become known as “bisexual erasure” in pop culture: “Outside of the erotically transgressive realms of art cinema and pornography, screen as well as ‘real life’ bisexuality is effaced not only by what I’ve named compulsory monosexuality but also by compulsory monogamy,” she writes, adding, “the assumption remains that the gender of one’s current object choice indicates one’s sexuality.” So even high-profile films that include leads having sex with both genders — Brokeback Mountain, The Kids Are All Right, Blue Is the Warmest Color, Carol, Call Me By Your Name — are coded “gay” rather than “bi.”

Despite the rise in bisexual women on the small screen like Annalise in “How to Get Away with Murder,” Syd in “Transparent,” and Ilana in “Broad City,” GLAAD’s latest report on inclusion cited continued underrepresentation. While 28 percent of LGBTQ characters on television are bisexual, the majority are women (75 versus 18) and they are often associated with harmful tropes — sex is used to move the plot forward and the characters scan amoral and manipulative. This despite an increase in the U.S.’s queer population to 4.5 percent in 2017 from 3.5 percent in 2012 (when Gallup started tracking it). A notable detail is the extreme generational divide in identification: “The percentage of millennials who identify as LGBT expanded from 7.3% to 8.1% from 2016 to 2017, and is up from 5.8% in 2012,” reported Gallup. “By contrast, the LGBT percentage in Generation X (those born from 1965 to 1979) was up only .2% from 2016 to 2017.”

Here’s the embarrassing part. While I am technically a millennial, I align more with Generation X (that’s not the embarrassing bit). I am attracted more to men, but I am attracted to women as well yet don’t identify as LGBTQ. How best to describe this? I remember a relative being relieved when I acquired my first boyfriend (it was late). “Oh good, I thought you were gay,” they said. I was angry at them for suggesting that being gay was a bad thing, but also relieved that I had dodged a bullet. This isn’t exactly the internalized homophobia that Hannah Gadsby talked about, but it isn’t exactly not. My parents and my brother would have been fine with me being gay. So what’s the problem? The problem is that the standard I grew up with — in the culture, in the world around me — was not homosexuality, it was heterosexuality. I don’t judge non-heterosexual relationships, but having one myself somehow falls short of ideal. For the same reason, I can’t shake the false belief that lesbian sex is less legitimate than gay sex between men. The ideal is penetration. “That’s some Chasing Amy shit,” my boyfriend, eight years younger, said. And, yeah, unfortunately, it is. I have company though.

In a survey released in June, billed as “the most comprehensive of its kind,” Whitman Insight Strategies and BuzzFeed News polled 880 LGBTQ Americans, almost half of whom were between the ages of 18 and 29, and found that the majority, 46 percent, identified as bisexual. While women self-described as bi four times as often as men (79 to 19 percent), the report did not offer a single clear reason for the discrepancy. It did, however, suggest “phallocentrism,” the notion that the penis is the organizing principle for the world, the standard. In other words, sex is a penis in a vagina. “While bisexual women are often stereotyped as sleeping with women for male attention, or just going through a phase en route to permanent heterosexuality,” the report reads, “the opposite is presumed of bisexual men: that they are simply confused or semi-closeted gay men.” This explains why women who come out, like Monáe and Thompson, are considered less iconoclastic in the popular culture than men who even just make vague gestures towards fluidity — the stakes are considered higher for the guys. In truth, few feel comfortable being bi. Though the Pew Research Center’s survey of queer Americans in 2013 revealed that 40 percent of respondents identified as bisexual, this population was less likely to come out and more likely to be with a partner of the opposite sex. Famous women like Maria Bello, Cynthia Nixon, and Kristen Stewart have all come out, yet none of them really use the label.

“Not feeling gay enough, that’s something I felt a lot of guilt over,” Akhavan told the Times. It is guilt like this and the aforementioned shame which makes it all the more frustrating to watch the ease with which the younger generation publicly owns their fluidity. It is doubly hard to watch young white men being praised for wearing bunny ears in a magazine that has so long objectified women, simply because the expectations are so much lower for them. “I’m not looking down on the younger experience of being queer,” Akhavan said, “but I do think that there’s a resentment there that we gloss over.” In response, many of us react conservatively, with the feeling that they haven’t worked for it, that it is somehow less earned because of that. This is an acknowledgment of that resentment, of the eye rolling and the snickering with which we respond to the youth (ah, youth!). In the end we are not judging you for being empowered. We are judging ourselves for not being empowered enough.

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Soraya Roberts is a culture columnist at Longreads.

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