#there's a sadness because at the end of the day ko is still his former friend? former brother?

[spinebuster]

[otakuupdates]

top 10 anime to watch in 2023

 top 10 anime to watch in 2023

  Hi there, it's tempest kun.

If you are here that means you are here for anime recommendations to watch or just want to 10 best anime. Anyway you are here. Now before we proceed i like mention that these ranking are based on mine own ranking so pls don't be offended if you think differently just go and watch anime listed here.

Table Of Contents

10. Rurouni Kenshin

9. Horimiya The Missing Peices

8. Zom100

7. Mushoku Tensei S2

6. Eminence In Shadow

5. Bleach Thousand Years Blood War

4. Oshi No ko

3. Demon Slayer Season 3

2. Blue Lock

1. Jujutsu Kaisen S2

10. Rurouni Kenshin

A vow to the sword, A wish in the heart,

    Rurouni Kenshin - The legendary tv show 

    comes back. Rurouni kenshin(2023) is a 

    remake of the rurouni kenshin. The story

    begins during the 11th year of the

    Meiji era in Japan (1878) and follows a former

    assassin from the Bakumatsu, known

    as Hitokiri

    Battosai. After his work against the bakufu, he

    becomes Himura Kenshin, a wandering

    swordsman who protects the people of Japan

    with a vow never to take another life.Any

    ways it's 

    a great anime to watch in 2023 because it's

    new 

    animation is totally amazing.

 9. Horimiya The Missing Peices

   As of now everyone should have understood 

   that it's horimiya s2. So, go and watch because

   As the graduation ceremony at Katagiri High

   School comes to an end, Kyouko Hori, her

   boyfriend Izumi Miyamura, and their friends

   begin

   to look back on their time as students. The

   moments they shared together may be fleeting,

   but

   each one is a colorful piece of their precious

   memories.

8. Zom100

    Zom100 bucket list of the dead is a great new

    anime released in 2023. The story is as Akira

    Tendo, a 24-year-old office worker of ZLM,

    discovers himself trapped in a routine and

    meaningless life. He lacks drive and

    motivation 

    since he is disenchanted with his career;

    however,

    when a zombie apocalypse caused by

    experimental bio weaponry unexpectedly

    strikes Tokyo, everything is turned upside

    down. 

    Instead of succumbing to dread, Akira sees this

    as

    an opportunity to experience life to the fullest

    rather than settle for his humdrum existence.

    Hedecides to create a bucket list of 

    everything he

    wants to do before dying in order to not only

    experience it firsthand but also to show that

    he is still alive and well. This decision is made      with a newfound sense of purpose.

7. Mushoku Tensei S2

I am pretty sure everyone already knows 

   mushoku tensei. For who don't know here's 

   the summary:- follows jobless and hopeless man who dies after having a sad and reclusive life and reincarnates in a fantasy world while keeping his memories, determined to enjoy his new life without regrets under the name Rudeus Greyrat.

So go and watch it. Because it's worth

   watching. Because it's here in the list.

6. Eminence In Shadow

Eminence in shadow is great new isekai anime.

Story follows A boy in modern-day Japan desires to be a mastermind who exerts power from the shadows, but in the process of training, gets hit by a truck and dies. He is reborn in a fantasy world as Cid Kagenou, where he maintains a perfectly mediocre appearance as to not stand out and pursue his dream of manipulating from the shadows.

A comedy isekai fantasy with an overpowered

mc. In which a boy becomes a ruler in shadow 

also known as Eminence In Shadow.

5. Bleach Thousand Years Blood War

Any anime fan should know which anime bleach is and if you don't you are not an anime fan. In which I am disappointed to say this not an anime for you. As for those who knows they'd know that it a season 2 finally. So go and watch.i am saying anything more you should already know why it's in 5th place.

4.Oshi No ko

An amazing new anime which was released this year. Which many anime fans swarm to and became content for my tiktok videos. The follows Dr. Goro is reborn as the son of the young starlet Ai Hoshino after her delusional stalker murders him. Now, he wants to help his new mother rise to the top, but what can a child do about the dark underbelly of the entertainment industry. An amazing anime that shows you the dark side of the entertainment industry. A worth watch.

3. Demon Slayer Season 3

I am sure every knows demon slayer. An anime with an amazing art style and a story. Well, it's the 3rd season of the it. Which was released this year. With an new exciting and thrilling arc.

2. Blue Lock

Blue lock a new sports anime released this year which broke the internet. With it amazing storyline and content. The is In 2018, the Japanese national team finished 16th in the FIFA World Cup. As a result, the Japan Football Association hires the football enigma Ego Jinpachi. His master plan to lead Japan to stardom is Blue Lock, a training regimen designed to create the world's greatest egotist striker. Those who fail Blue Lock will never again be permitted to represent any Japanese team. Yoichi Isagi, an unknown high school football player conflicted about his playing style, decides to join the program to become the best striker in the world. An amazing adventure in which our main character give everything he got to come out on top.

1. Jujutsu Kaisen S2

Jujutsu kaisen an amazing anime in which the side character is more OP than the main character but still gives us fullfilnessthe jujitsu kaisen's s2 is finallyhcame this year. In the new season it adapts the hidden incident and shibuya arc from the manga. And is starts the thrilling adventure filled with death and sadness.

Author Note :-

I have listed the top 10 anime here which I think are the best of year 2023. I don't know if I have offended any of you but it's just my personal ranking based on my own thoughts so don't take personally. So, go and watch them.

[jayeray-hq]

Cuddle Bugs: Bokuto Koutarou

Post Time Skip/Manga Ending Spoilers!

Warnings: None all Fluff!

Cuddle Bugs Masterlist - Character Masterlist

You knew Bokuto had, had a rough day when he didn’t greet you with his normal exuberance when he got home from practice. Normally he swept in like a hurricane all joyful greetings and hugs, peppering your face with kisses and exclaiming how much he’d missed you while he babbled about his day.

However, once in a while, when things had gone badly or he was feeling particularly down, he’d creep in like a mouse, quiet and reserved, sneaking off to take a shower and barefly giving you a hello.

The first time he’d done this you’d been extremely alarmed. After all it was such a departure from his normal behavior that you would’ve wondered if he hadn’t been replaced by some kind of alien. You’d called up Akaashi in a panic, but luckily the former setter had assured you that it was just something that happened once in a while, cautioning you that it was something you were going to have to deal with as it was part and parcel with being in a relationship with Bokuto.

And deal with it you had, developing a routine together, one that helped soothe both of you. Thus you knew exactly what to do, grabbing some of Bokuto’s favorite snacks from the secret stash you kept hidden away and some water, you pulled up your queue of Disney movies the two of you enjoyed, grabbed the fluffiest blanket, laid down on the couch, back braced against the arm rest and waited.

As expected fifteen minutes later, Bokuto shuffled into the living room, looking more like a zombie than his normally exuberant self. You immediately opened your arms for him, and he practically tumbled into them, nearly knocking the breath out of you.

Your arms immediately wrapped around him as you breathed in his freshly showered scent of cedar, vanilla, and snowdrops, pressing your lips to his still damp hair as he nuzzled his face into your chest. His weight should’ve been heavy, as he settled between your legs but you’d found the perfect balance and by now perfected things to that it only felt soothing, like a human shaped weighted blanket, one that was warm and smelled phenomenal.

He let out an exhausted breath into your neck as you ran your hands up and down his back letting them play over the strong muscles there.

“You want to talk about it?” you asked gently. Sometimes he did, sometimes he didn’t, but this time he apparently didn’t as he peered up at you though his bangs, golden eyes sad, a significant pout on his face as he shook his head no.

“Okay Kou,” you agreed, “Want some snacks?”

This got a positive nod, his mouth opening obediently so you could patiently feed him several bites. Using the remote you started up the movie and the two of you watched, with you occasionally feeding some snacks to your cuddle buddy, doting on his languid form.

The two of you spent the rest of the evening like that, curled up together watching movies, with his head on your chest until he dozed off, right at his usual bedtime. Used to this you reached for the blanket, carefully spreading it out over the two of you and settling in yourself, making sure to set an alarm so the two of you would be up on time the next day.

You’d be spending the night on the couch again, but that was fine. After all you’d splurged on a large and extremely comfortable couch for this exact reason. Even if you woke with a crick in your neck in the morning it would be well worth it because you knew your boyfriend would be back to his normal happy-go-lucky self by then, completely restored by a night of cuddles, and he wouldn’t be the only one. After all there wasn’t much better than being curled up with your boyfriend.

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[genseng-powder]

Senku and Gen: A fight? HeadCanon

I've always written hcs when I seem stuck in writing because there are days where I have the ideas but my thoughts aren't as cooperative in the creativity department. So another headcanon turned into narrative - featuring the realest aspect of every relationship ever: arguments.

Also, involving the characters of KoS with KoM merged 💖💫

• When Senku and Gen fights, they never allow it to get in the way of their meetings. Especially since they held meetings with the five generals every so often.

• They swore that their relationship shouldn't get in the way - so they can often get quick past it outside with other people

• The catch is, its obvious that they had a fight. There won't be verbal terms thrown around, but Suika and Chrome feels it but cant quite put a hand on it.

• Ukyo and Ryusui on the other hand sees what's different - theres quite a bit of charged tension, but not too thick to get in the way and stifle conversations.

• Even old man Kaseki sees what's different from when they're normal or theyre fighting.

• Gen calls Senku without any honorifics - and Senku is much more reserved and replies way too straightforward. He doesnt bother with explanations like before and goes 100% straight to the point.

• But he is also reserved in a way that he doesnt throw any jokes around.

• Gen, is immensely cheery as if to make up and cover the fact that there's something going on.

• You'd think he is extra cheerful but if you look past it like Kohaku can, you'd see how his smiles and giggles isn't quite genuine.

• As a former entertainer, its easy to pass it off and to act, but inquisitive people and people who are his friends can differentiate his performance and genuine emotions.

• Kohaku, Ukyo, Ruri and as much as he hates it, Senku.

• Senku sees his overly cheery mood and at times, it gets to his nerves that his showman smile is plastered way too permanently.

• Senku has this secret hatred for Gen's facade.

• He hates that their arguments do this - but his pride also stops him from doing anything.

• Gen also sees how Senku gets easily annoyed at the smallest things, but he never pops off.

• When Senku is about to let out a steam, he catches himself way before words he don't mean can come stumbling out - and he excuses himself to cool down.

• He doesn't want people talking to him when that happens.

• Gen acts the same - secluding himself.

• He does this when something is bothering him, going for long walks around the forest to clear his head off and maintain his composure.

• He talks to himself mostly, to get his thoughts running and sorted and this had worked for him even way before - but more often it ends up in him being a sobbing mess because he hates that they've fought.

• Senku literally loses sleep and delves further into work, making more of the energy drink he made for Kinro just to keep him running. Coffee and Monster drink didnt exist here so he might as well make his own power up drink.

• Even though he is head deep into mountains work for Kingdom of Science - every so often he'll space out and think back about his and Gen's fight.

• More often, this makes Senku hiss and crumple or break whatever he is holding onto. Its frustrating and he hates emotions and irrationality - but he hates it more that no ones hovering over his shoulders or clinging onto him.

• No one knows how long it lasts - it varies depending on their degree of fights. Sometimes, within a day, other times three days.

• No one can complain because they still get work done - Senku leading teams and Gen still boosting morale despite his being so low at that point.

• The next meeting they held, no one mentions the slightly red edges to Gen's eyes and Senku's pinkish nose.

• This time, Tsukasa and Hyoga were present, so is Kohaku and Francoise because it seems urgent.

• Its going towards the usual flow - everything is smooth and flowing until Tsukasa notices Senkus fast replies when Gen asks, and Gen's lack of honorifics towards the scientists name.

• Hyoga, being brutally honest and reveling in such charged tension, decided to add oil to the flame.

• Did you two fight?

• Senku and Gen could only look at him, looks at each other and then simultaneously and respectively answers yes and no - and everyone watched with bated breath as the tension hastily thickens up.

• No one has ever interefered when the Kingdom of Science's two founding leaders were fighting - this being a first and it had to be Hyoga who intercepts.

• It could have been more acceptable if it was Suika, but even little Suika had learnt from Francoise that when two people fight, others shouldnt interfere so she lets it be even though she's sad that Senku and Gen fought.

• Senku manages to repress his exasperated thoughts and so does Gen who brushes off everything with a clearly fake smile - but Hyoga mentioning it makes everything unbearable and everyones now walking on thin ice.

• Ryusui and Francoise decided its enough, calls for a two hour break before they get into another meeting and locks the two of them in the observatory.

• No one can leave until they make up.

///

Yep, cliffhanger. I'll probably post the making up part if I get the inspiration to write it 🤭 I like to think that Senku and Gen both has a hard time apologizing because for one, Senku is emotionally incapacitated JK HAHAHA no, but he just doesnt see it as necessary because action speaks louder than words.

Whereas Gen has his pride - even though he is probably in the wrong, he doesn't apologize for the heck of it and probably manipulates people into thinking they're the ones at fault. He doesn't do this with Senku though. It's why he is at a loss because his whole life it's what he is good at and then Senku comes in and bulldozes his bad habit.

[kumoriyami-xiuzhen]

Hakuoki Shinkai Hana no Shou Okita After Story Translation

This is my first post of the month, so I’ll start by asking you to please support me if you can through my ko-fi, and paypal or patreon which provides access to my hakuoki blog translations and early access to my postings. Also, please let me know if you have any hakuoki drama cds that you’d be willing to share that are on my Lookout List since i either do not have audio for those cds or do not have audio that I can share.... and if you are able to remove watermarks from a video, please contact me.  

Finally done with all of what i refer to as these after stories. this is the last translation of what i have from the 「 薄桜鬼 真改 華ノ章」 ステラワース早期予約特典 小冊子. did Souji’s last partly cuz he’s one of my least favourite routes (sorry but not sorry. also i won’t deny that my premier target audience for most of my translations for content that doesn’t come from one of the games is myself ;D), and well, i would categorize my thoughts as mostly angsty (there’s a reason why i mostly write angst lol) and didn’t exactly need more of it...

still, it’s kinda sad that it took me almost 2 years to finish translating all of what I could for these... but hey, i can’t help it if I get distracted by other stuff that i find more interesting.... ahahahaaaa....(excuse me as i go hide until next week’s translation lol).

also, in case someone doesn’t know, i’ve already translated the after stories for Saito, Hijikata, Yamazaki, Kazama, Hijikata, Harada, Heisuke and now Souji... and am unable to translate the others as I don’t have it in CN tho I can go scan the rest should someone want to translate the stories for Shinpachi, Sanan, Souma, Iba, or Sakamoto.

enjoy? maybe? lol?

Hakuoki Shinkai Hana no Shou After Story Translation - Okita Souji

Translation by KumoriYami

(TN:  just an fyi, Souji doesn't call Chizuru "Chizuru-chan" in this. checked the booklet just to be sure.)

The scene was in the mountains, they had been dyed bright red as the sun set in the West. 

And the one looking over this scene, was the sword genius, former First Division Shinsengumi Captain, Okita Souji. 

(Speaking of which, since childhood, I would always look into the direction of my hometown at dusk.)

While he thought this, the sound of frantic footsteps from further away, came closer. 

As for who the sound of these footsteps belonged to, it was obvious. She was......  [It was her]

"——Souji-san! What are you doing here?

For the present Okita, this woman was more important than his own life, Yukimura Chizuru.

From the way she gasping from having run down the mountain path, she seemed quite anxious. When she found Okita was missing, she selflessly began to search for him.

Okita showed a look of ignorance and looked back at her.

"Asking me what I'm doing...... can't you tell after after looking? I'm watching the sunset.

He answered in a tranquil tone. Immediately this young woman lost her strength and fell to her knees.

"If you're doing that, please tell me first...... Just now, I couldn't find Souji-san, so I was very worried."

It seemed that her words were true. Because there was sweat on her slim neck, and her cheeks were bright red. 

Seeing Chizuru like this, he felt full of tenderness/affection, and he couldn't but think of tightly embracing her small body.

On the other hand though, he also felt the urge to tease her so that he could see her troubled appearance. 

(Even I feel that these days are/this day is quite boring. [can't tell if this is plural or not])

"Do you dislike not seeing me?"

"Of course, that's because Souji-san is a very special/important person to me."

There was no hesitation as Chizuru replied in this way. She was also very aware of how these words made Okita feel at ease. 

"Good grief, are there really no problems? We just didn't see each other for a short amount of time."

His abrupt words made Chizuru look sad.

"……Please don't say such a thing."

Although she was well aware of what was going to happen, she didn't want think about it right now. Her innocent expression seemed to say this.

(This teasing seems to have been too much.)

As Okita thought this, he gently extended his hand.

"Come here, Chizuru."

After a short confused moment, the young woman grabbed Okita's hand. He firmly held her small hand, then pulled her small body into his embrace.

"Ah……"

She couldn't help but make a small sound and Okita hugged her. A sweet and floral fragrance emanated from her hair and neck.

He gently combed her hair, and both of their eyes coincidently found each other's. Those sincere eyes were staring straight into Okita's,

(How good would it be if we were always able to look at each other like this.)

This felt just like a dream. Before he he was in a relationship with her, the memories he had of when he lived alone....... were quite vague. 

"Hey, Chizuru. Let me say one thing first."

Hearing Okita's words, she blinked at him in disbelief. Looking at her adorable expression, he opened his mouth.

"Even though I'll pass away one day, you can't/aren't allowed to follow me. Even if you're alone, you need to keep on living."

"…………"

Chizuru bit her lips.

Similarly to how Okita was unable to remember what happened when he lived by himself, she wasn't able able to imagine what would happen to her after losing Okita.

(If I was more considerate, I might say "after I die, live happily with someone else"......)

But it was impossible for him to give Chizuru to someone else. Even if he knew if doing that might make her happy. 

Chizuru seemed to have understood what he really thought. "So what's your answer? Chizuru."

In the face of Okita's question, she sadly lowered her head——

"…………I know."

She responded with a depressed voice.

"Very good."

He muttered softly, then gently stroked Chizuru's cheeks.

There large eyes before him were now slightly moist. This expression indicated that she had a clear understanding of what was going to happen later.

For a good while, she quietly kept her eyes closed. 

Okita put his lips against her slightly opened lips, and felt the slight warmth as they touched. Their was a dream-like kiss, almost as if it were a whisper that could not be heard unless it were attentively listened to.

Although he had kissed these lips multiple times, to the point where he couldn't remember, he also didn't know how many times he would be able to kiss these lips in days to come.

The lips that joined with his seemed to be shaking/trembling with grief. He was immediately able to tell that she was crying. 

"……Don't cry. Because you're a strong child."

As he wiped the tears from the corner of the young woman's eyes, he gently reprimanded her.

But in fact, his heart felt happy because Chizuru shed tears for him.

(I didn't expect that in my lifetime/life, that I would actually meet a woman who would cry for me.)

Thinking back, this was an ill-fated relationship. Okita thought so. 

(My life will not last for a long time.…… but it wasn't completely bad, because in the end, I was able to meet you like this. Maybe the purpose of my life was to meet you.)

Without even realizing it, the sun already set, and the nearby scenery was gradually coloured like the water. The two of them then set off on their way home alongside one other. 

-end-

[dialovers-translations]

DIABOLIK LOVERS Born To Die Vol.1 Tsukinami Carla [Track 4]

Original title: 月を見ながら

Source: Diabolik Lovers Born To Die Vol.1 Tsukinami Carla [CD not owned by me]

Audio: Here

Seiyuu: Toshiyuki Morikawa

Translator’s note: Since I have yet to play Dark Fate, a lot of the bits on Carla’s background and his family situation were new to me, so his long monologue about his duty and the responsiblity he feels towards his family/clan was quite tricky to translate. However, I’m fairly happy with the end result. It also helped me understand him better as a character and makes for some great character growth!

Track 1 ll Track 2 ll Track 3 ll Track 4 ll Track 5

→  LIKE MY TRANSLATIONS? SUPPORT ME ON KO-FI!

Track 4: While Gazing at the Moon

Carla slowly wakes up.

“Nn...Hm.”

*Rustle*

“...I must have nodded off at some point. ...Heh. She seems to be sleeping comfortably.”

You call out his name.

“Did I wake you up?”

You continue snoozing.

“Hm. She was talking in her sleep, huh? I wonder what dream she is having, calling my name like that?”

He strokes your cheek.

“I showered you with my affection after all. You must have me love on you inside your dreams as well. I feel a little awake now.”

*Rustle rustle*

Carla walks towards the window.

“The moon is beautiful tonight. Nights like these make me reminiscence about the past.”

*Rustle rustle*

“...Oh. You’ve awakened. Why are you so frantic?”

You explain.

“Heh. To make such a fuss simply because you do not see me around. Did you perhaps think I had disappeared, leaving you behind?”

You frown, frightened by his words.

“There is nothing to worry about. I was just gazing at the moon.”

You get out of bed and join Carla by the window.

“You are warm. I can tell clearly when you lean against me like this. I end up wanting to bathe in this warmth forever.”

You smile, telling him he can.

“Heh. You feel the same, don’t you? In that case, scoot a little closer...”

*Rustle rustle*

“Mmh...”

You look up at him.

“Is it uncommon to see me lost in thought while gazing up at the moon? The moon is just so beautiful tonight...I can’t help but let my mind wander.”

You ask what he was thinking about.

“Yes. I suppose I could tell you. To tell the truth...Coming to this manor for the first time in a while, made me remember the Golden Age of us Founders. I was born into this world as the eldest son of the former King, Giesbach. Then grew up watching the back of my mighty Father. Back then, I did not doubt the fact that I too, would one day lead the people as their King. I had all sorts of knowledge hammered inside my head, enduring even the most severe of training. Believing that no matter how harsh my Father would be, one day I would get him to acknowledge me. ーー And at one point, I began to worry more about my clan, than about myself. I could no longer view myself as anyone or anything but the future King who had to ensure a succesful future for the Founders. That was my duty. I had to fulfill it no matter what, I felt.”

You frown.

“When I fell ill...When I caught Endzeit, said view did not change. The thing I feared the most, was for our bloodline to come to an end. I did not fear my own death, and instead prioritized fulfilling my role in regards to our race. Right now, Shin and I are the only Founders left. As the current King, I must provide a next generation at all costs. I was born for that sake only ー born to die.”

You shake your head.

“It is not something to mourn. It is simply the truth.”

You insist that he has other purposes in life and deserves to live. 

“Are you...crying?”

You turn away, trying to wipe them away.

“...Wait. Do not try and wipe your tears so roughly. It will leave marks. Above all, tears do not suit the Founder King’s wife. I shall wipe them for you, so move your hands.”

*Rustle rustle*

“See? They’re all gone. Show me a smile for my sake.”

You smile.

“Perfect. Just as I thought, a smile suits you well. It is the expression I like best, and you should always look like that by my side. Furthermore, despite what I said earlier, I was simply talking about the past.”

You tilt your head to the side.

“You do not understand what I am saying? You are the one who brought this change.”

You seem confused.

“Fufu. Ignorant, it seems? ...I suppose that is very typical of you as well. I had accepted my own fate. That as long as I fulfilled that one thing, the rest did not matter. Shin would inherit my will and lead my child in the right direction. As the current King, it was my duty to die a noble death. I was convinced that was the correct path to take. However, I met you and the more time we spent together, I began to wish for my own future. I wanted to live with you. Live alongside you, sharing both happiness and sadness, experiencing all sorts of emotions...That is how I began to feel. However...”

*Rustle*

“It was not easy to fight against the duty I had once accepted. The feelings I bear towards my Mother, the fact I killed my Father with my very own hands, my responsiblity has the current King...All of those things I cannot get out of my mind, weighed very heavily on me. ...But even so, there was one thing I yearned for even stronger. No matter what future waits ahead, and regardless of what hardships I may face, I wanted to walk by your side.”

You smile.

“Today, when you decided you wanted to celebrate the day of my birth, I was once again strongly reminded of said fact. You are the one who changed my stubborn (1) mind. Let me express my gratitude once more. ーー Thank you.”

Your expression softens.

“I thought human feelings and sentiments were beyond my comprehension, but I believe the current me may be able to understand. This is most definitely your influence as well. I wonder if I will continue to change as I spend more time with you? However, that would not be bad either. Change can be the key to the future after all. ...Well then.”

*Rustle*

“Let us leave it at that. There still is some time until we have to get up. You should rest some more.”

You ask him to join you.

“Exactly. I shall rest alongside you as well.”

The two of you get back in bed.

*Rustle rustle*

“What is the matter? It is uncommon for you to snuggle up to me like this. It appears to me that you wish to be doted on.”

You seem a little worried he does not like this side of you.

“It is not bad. How could I ever refuse you? If anything...”

*Rustle*

“When I see you move in my arms without a single moment of hesitation, my heart feels strangely at peace.”

Your cheeks flush bright red.

“Your body has gotten even warmer. Just close your eyes now. I will stay like this until you fall asleep.”

You nod. 

“Yes. ...Goodnight.”

*Rustle*

ーー TO BE CONTINUED ーー

Translation notes

(1) こりかたまる or ‘korikatamaru’ means that something has been long established and remained unchanged for a long time. Referring to the fact that he only ever had one future for him in mind, but the MC made him reconsider and think of a different possible future. 

[radramblog]

Every Boros Commander, Part 1

Every one of these rambles is going to be longer and nerdier than the last, I guess. We’ll see how long I can keep that up for.

If you aren’t or haven’t been at least a casual fan of Magic: The Gathering, this post is going to be completely lost on you, sorry.

Oh also I’m having to split this in half since it took basically all afternoon to write and its still juuuust not done.

Boros gets a lot of shit for being bad and having bad generals for EDH until recently, and seeing as its my favourite two-colour pair I felt like exploring, well, every option we have for the combo. I’m excluding the new Commander Legends partner commanders in this, since I don’t have all day, and I’m also not covering Akiri and Bruse Tarl since no-one ever builds just Boros with them, and I’m not including 3-5 colour decks that just happen to have red and white in them. That’s not Boros.

Boros’s strengths are in manipulating combat, in tokens, and with Voltron strategies. It is the best pair for Equipment decks and top tier for Aggressive decks, to the point of being arguably shoehorned by WOTC into such strategies for a long time. Its weaknesses are mostly to do with card draw and ramp, possibly the most important things in a casual game of Commander, but the former is alleviated by many of red’s recent card draw options and the latter easily supplemented with mana rocks- if you have enough money, any deck can have good ramp, but enough budget options exist these days that it isn’t too bad even for the “worst colors”.

Anyway, enough beating around the bush lets get into this. Going in Chronological order.

Agrus Kos, Wojek Veteran (29th most played as of writing)

…It seriously took until Ravnica to get a legendary RW creature? Heinous. Cool as Agrus is as protagonist of the Ravnica novel, his card simply does not hold up in 2021, let alone beforehand. He’s a Glorious Anthem style commander, except he works best only with creatures that are both red and white, and not nearly enough cards produce multicolored tokens for him to boost. Oh, also he’s a 5 mana 3/3 with no protection or evasion that has to attack to get his effect. Save it for the novel.

Razia, Boros Archangel (30th most played as of writing, the last place finalist)

Speaking of Ravnica. Razia is fucking cool, between the art and unique, if underwhelming, activated ability. She is also 8 mana and not green. She is the only commander to my knowledge that can redirect damage to opponents’s creatures, so if that’s the deck you want to build, go for it, though enjoy the distressingly small cardpool. God, they couldn’t have given her an extra power, could they?

Brion Stoutarm (6th most played as of writing)

Brion is the first actually viable commander of the bunch, being a pretty decent head to either a Fling deck with Ball Lightnings or Acts of Treason, or just Giant Tribal with his Lorwyn compatriots. I don’t think I’ve ever seen or played against Brion yet, but I’d be interested in doing so. Having lifegain in the command zone with a deck that likes throwing damage around is pretty nice. It’s surprising that he’s still so high, especially considering EDHREC (my data source) only now pulls from the last 2 years of decks, but I’m certainly not sad to see him there.

Jor Kadeen, the Prevailer (19th most played as of writing)

Spoilers: Jor is actually the best Anthem commander. +3/+0 is huge, and when most of your ramp and some of your draw is artifacts you’re not going to have a hard time getting metalcraft. 5 mana is a fair chunk for an aggressive deck but he turns the damage output up enough notches that I think he’s pretty good. Underrated in my opinion. How are there more Tajic, Legion’s Edge decks than Jor Kadeen decks?

Basandra, Battle Seraph (24th most played as of writing)

Basandra is the head of my current Boros deck, being a pillowfort/combat manipulation deck. She’s, uh, not ideal in that even, since she stops even you from casting removal and such during combat. Having an extra must attack effect in the zone is nice, though, and a flying commander can be nice for closing games out. Basandra at least has the gift of being fairly open-ended, but also, she doesn’t really do anything, so that’s probably got something to do with it.

On a side note, fuck you Terese Nielsen for turning out to be a cunt. No-one else seems to have drawn this character, so I can’t even make an alter. Fuck.

Gisela, Blade of Goldnight (10th most played as of writing)

Gisela has a lot of very attractive words on her. Unfortunately, 7 mana and that ability means that as soon as you drop her out of the zone, you better use her quick because she isn’t sticking around long. Obviously lends herself to group slug or Earthquake decks, but the former paints an even bigger target on your head and the latter is even mana hungrier than normal. I prefer her in the 99.

Aurelia, the Warleader (5th most played as of writing)

Aurelia was the “best” Boros commander for a long time, and it’s easy to see why- haste and an extra combat trigger add up to a lot of damage very quickly and it’s not like there was much competition for a while. She’s actually the only one of the top 5 Boros commanders that wasn’t printed in the last 5 years, so I guess she’s stood the test of time, much like Brion.  I’d argue she’s pretty boring though, seeing as she has the one thing she does, but she does it well and there’s no faulting her for that. She’s the closest we have to r/custommagic’s favourite “double combat triggers” legend. A lot of people seem to run her as Angel Tribal too, which of the available Angels in the zone I’d argue that’s a pretty good shout. The Red/Boros Angels are fun!

Tajic, Blade of the Legion (20th most played as of writing)

The first on this list I’d consider playing as Voltron, Tajic’s first card is indestructible which as a former Sapling of Colfenor player is fucking excellent in the zone for when you have to play defensively. He does, however, require other creatures in the deck to truly shine, and you do have to have those creatures attack, so it can be awkward to get the most out of him. He’s a cool dude though, much better than his other card imo.

Anax and Cymede (23rd most played as of writing)

The first draft I ever played was a Born of the Gods draft in which I splashed Anax and Cymede. Clearly, I had no idea what I was doing. Anax and Cymede look a lot like Tajic in deck, to be honest, since they’re creatures that like having buffs but also want other creatures around to benefit. Heroic is kind of an awkward requirement, however, and I suspect you’d be spending more time just having it as a buff for the royals themselves. Its nice to see a loving married couple as a Magic card, though, I’m sure things will be good for them always.

Iroas, God of Victory (9th most played as of writing)

Somehow despite it being common in the 99 of aggressive decks, I don’t think I’ve ever seen an Iroas deck in my local metas. I think it has the potential to be pretty powerful, since if you can meet his (admittedly harsh) requirement he’s an indestructible evasive commander with that magical 7 power making commander damage a 3HKO. And when he’s not ready to rumble, he’s nigh impossible to kill on account of the limited targeted enchantment exile people tend to play in the format. Otherwise, he makes attacking free and bountiful for other creatures, and so is just kinda good to have around- I can see running him for that alone.

Munda, Ambush Leader (27th most played as of writing)

Somehow more people are playing Munda than Razia or Agrus, despite being just the worst commander with Ally in the text (outside the type line, love you Zada) and not doing actual anything outside of that. Why the fuck doesn’t he draw the cards? Why does he just stack them? God, Munda sucks. Also I have like 3 of them, since I drafted a lot of that deck in that environment and people just pass him around. Anyone want one? Be my guest.

Kalemne, Disciple of Iroas (11th most played as of writing)

Precon face commanders always get a bit more love and a bit more power than the average legend, and Kalemne is no exception. Double Strike in the zone on a creature that gets bigger is just nuts, and it means she kills people astonishingly quickly. Even my non-voltron Kalemne deck that just wanted to play big idiots had her as a huge threat since even if she gets killed she stays big. Kalemne also happens to be probably better for Giant tribal than Brion, though he does at least get to yeet those removal magnets if they do get removed.

Anya, Merciless Angel (26th most played as of writing)

I didn’t think Anya would be this low. While she is another indestructible commander, it is conditional, and her abilities are self-sabotaging- if someone is in range of being killed by her, you’re probably not going to want to attack them just so you can keep indestructible and buffs, but you also, yknow, want to kill them. I can see her being political in this way though- keeping someone alive with her swords at their throat can have some fun implications. I think shes underrated despite her awkwardness.

Archangel Avacyn (14th most played as of writing)

(Her colour identity is RW since her other face is a red creature. It’s a bit odd, I know)

Avacyn was fucking unbeatable in draft and obnoxious in Standard (though one of my favourite magic stories involves her, so,), and since I never managed to get one for Kalemne when that deck was around I have no real love for her. She’s generically powerful without leading in a particular direction, but her flip ability is pretty cool as is her story in the set. It’s OK. Also why do people keep putting her in Angel decks? You know she doesn’t flip off those, right?

Adriana, Captain of the Guard (22nd most played as of writing)

Adriana, Adriana. I didn’t dislike Adriana as much as I did until I actually did the math on her. Typical commander games are 4-player, so she is a +3/+3 anthem at maximum assuming you have good attacks on every single opponent and that none of them are dead yet. I’m really not sure why you’d play this over Jor Kadeen, and it looks like people aren’t, so. Melee was a fun mechanic in draft, but I completely understand why it hasn’t crossed over, ever, to other formats, seeing as there are 7 total cards with it and most of them are draft chaff. CONTINUED IN PART 2...ANOTHER DAY. PROBABLY SOON SINCE IT’S 2/3 DONE ALREADY.

[be-ready-when-i-say-go]

out of love by alessia cara + calum for that lovely angst

Thanks for your song and patience!

Please consider supporting me on ko-fi. 

I’m debating on whether or not to continue song blurbs. Your support really helps me out, reblog if you enjoy. 

____________________________

Routines

He first notices it in himself. 

It doesn’t set off the alarm suddenly. Ashton’s really the first one to see it. He asks about you, how you are settling into the new job, and when Calum answers with a placid good, Ashton gives him a look. Like how could good be the only word that Calum had when it came to you. But Ashton doesn’t push it, he nods and says that he’s glad you’re happy with your job and in a place more aligned with what you wanted. 

Calum can’t seem to recall when you started the new job. But it couldn’t have been for more than a day or two. He had just taken you out for dinner as a celebration. Calum excuses himself to the bathroom, racking his brain because surely he wasn’t going insane. But when he scrolls through the text messages from you, he sees the dinner was nearly two and a half weeks go. It’s just his memory, with the latest album things have started to blur just a little and he can’t seem to keep anything straight anymore. 

Calum fucks up the routine. 

Not that he meant it maliciously. There’s an order to the day that you’ve gotten accustomed to. You waking first and cook breakfast. Calum sluggishly pulls himself to at least have his morning coffee with you--you go to work. He catches up on emails, takes Duke out for his walk if he manages not to doze off again, goes to the studio. You get back--there’s always a note left in Calum’st mostly uppercase penmanship if Duke needs a walk. You relax, fix dinner. Calum comes homes, reheats his plate if it’s gone late, you two talk, laughing at the dining room table as you sip on tea. 

Calum doesn’t come down for his morning coffee once. You sit, bag at your feet with ten minutes before you have to leave for work. And you sit, and sit, and sit, wringling your thumbs and picking at your nails. The bedroom door never creaks open. 

In the car, your phone rings. Calum’s name and photo on the screen. “I know you haven’t left yet. Get out of the car so I can give you your morning kiss.” His voice is gruff, still thick with sleep. You bite your lip and laugh, heart-expanding at the fact that you didn’t have to leave Calum without your morning kiss. 

You leave the car running, and jump back out. Calum stands, sans shirt but in sweatpants, on the porch. Duke, who you took out earlier, wagging his tail at his feet. Calum’s clearly tired, eyes puffier than usual. The close crop can’t really be fussed about, but as the length slowly grows back you can see it’s flattened from his sleep. He flashes a quick smile and an open embrace. “Morning,” you laugh, kissing him quickly. 

“Morning. You look good by the way.” He gives you another kiss, to make up for him oversleeping. “Have a great day.”

You nod. “You too rockstar.” 

When your car pulls out of the driveway and down the block, Calum steps back into the house. He hums, still tired and collapses onto the couch. There’s not a lot of guilt, mostly just thoughts of sleep. 

Around one that day his phone buzzes. A picture from you of the latest addition in dogs you see on your lunch break. He replies with a couple heart eye emojis, grinning at the stern-looking German shepherd. Cutest bub around, he types. 

Don’t let them hear you say that. Looks like they wouldn’t take too kindly. Love you, babe. 

Love you too. He goes to send the text but his fingers take pause. When’s the last time he called you doll? He used to use it all the time. Calum erases his period and adds a coma before his fingers add more. Love you too, doll. 

Calum really knows something is happening when you take pause at the bedroom door. His duffel bag, unzipped, and half full. Your voice cracks as you speak. “What are you doing?” You don’t want the scene to send you into a panic but you have no clue why Calum would be packing a suitcase, without warning. He always gave you a week’s notice at the very least--sometimes shows and events kind of popped up. 

“The writing retreat?” He could’ve sworn he told you about the four day trip up the coast. Not going out of the state at all, just a few hours out of the way. It was in the works since last week. Why would he not bring it up to you? 

“The what? How long?”

“I--I told you. It’s only four days. Going up the coast just to write for a little bit. Some guys up there want in a couple tracks. I told you this, baby.”

“No, you didn’t.” 

“Yes, I did. I had to have told you.” But he can see the tears welling in your eyes and the way your lower lip has started to wobble. “Please, please God tell me I told you?”

You shake your head. Throat seizing up on you. God, you wanted to feel stupid for thinking he was leaving--nevermind the fact this was his house. But lately, over the last few months, things felt different, off, distant. It wasn’t the end, you told yourself. It couldn’t have been. Calum always made things up, he was imperfect like everyone else. But not telling you about having to go away, it’s the final straw. 

Calum steps over his bag, arms lifting to cradle you. You take a small step back, with a shake of your head. It hurts to swallow, the squeezing in your chest is not helping. “You don’t talk to me anymore.” The admission is choked as it leaves your lips. You haven’t let out a full sob, but you feel it beating at your lungs and ribs. 

“I’m sorry. I just forgot.”

The look Ashton gave Calum months ago comes flooding back. The heaviness to his eyes, the pull of his brow. Ashton wasn’t confused. Calum was the last to realize it. He was the last one to see the thing happening. If this had been a bad dream, Calum would’ve woken with a cold sweat. When his mouth gapes and his eyes pull together, you turn, clutching your sleeves into your fist to wipe your eyes. 

“Wait, please!”

He still loved you. He did. He still loved you. 

But he hadn’t call doll in ages. He didn’t hold your hand in bed anymore. He didn’t drink his morning coffee with you. He hummed when you talked about work. He hadn’t even meant to do this. It’s not even like Calum felt bored--maybe a little bogged down. But not bored. Things were so good.

You can’t even hide in the house before you turn the corner to the spare bedroom, Calum’s gently taking your elbow to slow you down. What was happening? What was he doing wrong? “Talk to me now. Please?”

That sob, finally makes itself known, scratching over your throat. You pull your joint of his grasp but don’t face him. You can feel the heat of him on your back as he stands, inches, maybe even centimeters behind you, but have no physical contact. “You haven’t had breakfast with me in two months.”

“I have--two months?”

You nod. “You haven’t called about being late home. I still fix you dinner though, knowing that you’re not going to show up until whatever wee hour in the morning. You used to buy me flowers just for no reason and even though I seemed to kill each one with just a look, you kept buying them.”

Calum racks his brain. He bought some. It couldn’t have been all that long ago. He bought some for Valentine’s Day and then more a week later. It was only July now. “Fuck,” he whispers at the realization. “Five months?”

You nod. “Five months.”

You might have naively wondered if people stopped loving each other or if it just they forgot how to love the other person. But here, now, looking at the beige walls of this bedroom you thought the former was definitely more likely. 

“I’m sorry.” It’s the only thing Calum can say. It’s the only words his mouth can work around and get out. He loved you. He really did. 

“Ashton asked me if everything was okay with us. And I had to tell him the truth. That I wasn’t sure.”

“It’s not you. I need you to know that it wasn’t you at all,” he urges, finally taking your hand and you let him. You even turn, standing toe to toe with him. “I loved you. Through and through I loved you.”

It’s not even a sad revelation. Somehow it feels mundane to hear it. You knew all along that something had happened. You just didn’t want to believe it. But it’s obvious that things had just run out of juice. Your lip wobbles again and you can feel it, hear the tremors as you speak. It’s probably a stupid thing to admit, but it feels right. You unwind your fingers and speak, “I love you.”

Wiping your eyes, you look to the floor. The earth hasn’t shattered. You thought it might. And it’s not a last-ditch effort to save a dying thing. It’s just a statement of truth, just the bone grinding honest truth. Your teeth ache just a little as you continue to speak. “Know that even when I saw the end of the tunnel, and I was staring it down every goddamn day, I actively loved you. I still love you. But I-I can’t keep doing this. Lying to myself.”

Calum nods, swallowing the lump in his throat. “I-I never meant to hurt you. I don’t want to hurt you.” 

“It might be too late for that.”

His chest nearly caves. He takes a staggering step back and the tears that were threatening to spill and tell all his secrets fall down his cheek. The ink of his truth now tracking down his cheeks. He had hurt you in probably the worst way possible. Holding onto a routine and pretending to give out love. “I’m such a fucking idiot.”

“We all do stupid things for love,” you croak your laughter leaves in bursts and occasionally choked off by a sob. “We all do stupid things for love.” 

Like lying to yourself, or turning a blind eye to things. There’s just a moment, you lean into the wall right outside the guest bedroom and Calum leaning into the door of the hall closet. Neither one of you can look at each other. Your arms are wrapped around your stomach, the pain from your chest now spreading down your body. Calum just feels heavy, even numb because he can’t believe he had drug you through that. Waiting day in and day out for him to either snap out of it or maybe even into reality. Waiting for yourself to come to that realization too. 

He opens his mouth, staring up at his ceilings with more tears threatening to fall down his cheek. 

“Don’t say you're sorry again. Please don’t.”

“What can I say? What can I do to make this better?”

“Nothing.” 

-H

[krreader]

EXO scenario → wanting a divorce, because they found someone else.

pairing: exo x reader ; kim jongdae x sister!reader fandom: exo warnings: mentions of cheating ; language genre: angst word count: 1.8k+

a/n: a very big thank you to @intrepidbeaver​ for suggesting making the reader jongdae’s sister in certain scenarios. I felt like this one would be fitting and I think it’s a wonderful workaround!!!! I hope you all like the angst ♥

ask box | masterlists | faq | twitter |  ko-fi | REQUESTS ARE CLOSED.

kim minseok

It had been his fault.. proposing to you too soon after you started dating because his age made him think he had to.

Yes, Minseok and you had been happy for quite some time, but eventually he started to realize that this just wasn't it. This relationship, this marriage, it wasn't what it should have been.

And so he had ended it with that explanation, being honest with you and saying that he had made a mistake and that this was his fault.

That didn't do anything to your breaking heart though.

And the next thing you heard only made sure that it would stay broken for a very long time.

“You talk about this as if you know what you want already.. who you want,” you were looking him dead in the eye while he avoided eye contact at all costs.

Because he was guilty of what you had just accused him of, “I'm sorry.”

He didn't need to say it, that broken voice, that slump of his shoulders that made you see that he was ashamed of himself..

All of that was enough to shatter your heart into a million pieces.

kim junmyeon

You had always thought your husband to be a very loyal man. One of the many reasons why you had fallen in love with him in the first place.

Never in a million years would you have suspected him to be cheating, not during his very busy idol days where he'd be gone for weeks and not now that he had settled down.

But that's what you get for trusting someone so blindly.

“(Y/N), I'm sorry,” he tried to apologize, but to no avail. He wanted to know how you had found out when he had been so careful, but he assumed one of his former members might have said something. None of them who knew about him and the other woman were happy about it. All of them knew you ever since you started dating Junmyeon, you were like family, like a sister to most of them.

They wanted to protect you, shield you from this heartbreak.. but nobody could do that. It was already too late for that.

“Get the fuck out, Junmyeon! Get the fuck out and don't you dare ever come back here!” you threw one piece of clothing of his after the other at him until he was finally out the door, then you slammed it closed and leaned against it, slowly sliding down and pulling your legs against your chest..

..and then you cried.

And as Junmyeon heard your sobs, his forehead fell against the door and he closed his eyes, suddenly wondering if this other woman really was the right choice for him like had assumed.

zhang yixing

Your husband leaving you after years of marriage was horrible in itself, but your husband leaving you for someone you knew and once called friend was double the heartbreak.

That, you were currently experiencing as you looked at the picture of her and Yixing together, not knowing whether to throw up or throw your phone against the wall.

He hadn't told you why he had wanted the divorce - only that he didn’t think there was any other choice - and he still claimed that him and his new girlfriend, your former friend, had gotten together after you and him had broken up, but you knew he was lying.

Looking back at it, you should have known that he had found someone else with all the time that he had spent away from home.

Yes, Yixing was a busy man, but that didn't excuse him from not coming home for one week straight despite him being in the same city as you. He at least could have slept in his own bed.. or maybe he did.. just that his own bed didn't mean his and yours anymore at that time already too.

You closed your eyes, wiping away your lonely tear and then got up to make yourself something to eat, forcing yourself to keep going.

You felt empty, but you knew you had no other choice but to move on.

He was happy.. just not with you anymore.

You had to come to terms with that.

byun baekhyun

Three days.

That's how long the decision of your divorce with Baekhyun was a final one.

It took them only three days to make an official statement about it.

It was all anyone talked about now.

SM Entertainment's statement about Byun Baekhyun and your upcoming divorce.

The press added the rest. The rest that you already knew and now, unfortunately, the rest of the world too.

He left you for another woman.

SM didn't say it, but the press did. The press said it like it was and didn't sugarcoat it. Baekyhun didn't deny it and neither did SM.

And then everyone just looked at you with so much pity, because you were left by the great Baekhyun for another woman. Half of the people gave you that: 'I told you so' attitude, while the other half were pretending as if it was somehow your fault.

In conclusion, the entire world made you feel like you weren't enough anymore.

So it was a little hard thinking differently yourself.. and that was one of the worst things.

Letting it get to you.

kim jongdae

“I came as fast as I could,” Jongdae dropped his jacket, keys and everything else he was holding and pulled you close as soon as you were in his arms, gently brushing over the back of your head, “I'm so sorry, sweetheart.”

He was angry at one of his members for doing this to you and he would definitely have a word with him, but for now what mattered the most was making sure his sister was okay. He needed to be with you when you needed him the most.

And that's all he could really do.

Because nothing he could say would make this better.

All he could do was show you that you weren't as unwanted as it might seem right now. He wanted you to understand that he loved you, he always loved you and he would always love you, no matter what. That even if it might look like it right now, you would never be as alone as his member made you feel.

“I'm right here,” he whispered into your ear, “And I'm not going anywhere,” Jongdae promised.

Nobody would ever replace you to him.

park chanyeol

Breaking up was a hard thing to do if you truly cared about your partner at one point, but bringing up a divorce – for you – out of nowhere.. now that was just as if somebody ripped out your insides while you were still alive.

Chanyeol was crying as he told you, admitted to you that he had found another person that he wanted to share his life with.

He cried, because he still loved you.. just not like you loved him. He hated himself for that, for not being able to give you what you deserved.

“Is she making you happy?” you asked in a quiet and sad voice.

He didn't want to answer that, because he was afraid of what the answer might do to you, but not answering you was an answer in itself.

And then you smiled and he.. god, he sobbed so hard, because you were so strong, despite him having just broken your heart. You were happy for him. Fuck, how could you be happy for him?!

“You will always be my soulmate, Chan,” you smiled, but a tear or two escaped your eyes nevertheless. You put your hand on his cheek, his own immediately coming up to grab it and kiss your fingers, “Nothing will ever change that,” your voice broke.

do kyungsoo

How did he think this would work, exactly?

Just hiding it for you for the next five years, living a life with you and with his mistress at the same time?

No. You weren't here for that and you finally confronted him today, after having tried to convince yourself that everything was going alright in your marriage.

The time for lying to yourself was over. As was his time of lying to you.

“I am done, Kyungsoo. I thought I was imagining it, I hoped and prayed I was, but I know I'm just deluding myself here. You have an affair and it's not just an affair to you. Please interrupt me if I'm wrong,” he didn't. He just looked very guilty, “Now, here's what's going to happen. You are going to get up, get your things and then leave this house. I don't want to spend another day with a person that disrespects me like this, despite telling me that they love me.”

Kyungsoo did not say a word.

Because he knew everything you just said was a fact and the only person at fault for this divorce, was him.

He hadn’t put in any effort anymore, because he had found someone that he thought would be better suited for him.

But we shall see.

kim jongin

“There's something you're not telling me,” you said one night as Jongin was getting into bed. You were so anxious and stressed, because deep down you knew what was coming.

Jongin turned around without a word and turned off the lights and it was only when it was pitch dark, that he whispered, “Her name is Kira.”

And then he came clean, couldn’t stop himself from telling the truth anymore after months and months of lies.

He thought the darkness would make this easier, but it wasn't easy at all.

Because he knew if he turned around, he would see the one he once called the love of his life bawling her eyes out with her teeth digging into her lip so she wouldn't make a sound, because she didn't want him to see her like this.

Jongin left that night and he did not come back.

You should have prepared yourself for this, but can you really do that?

You go into a marriage thinking you're going to spend the rest of your life with this person.. you don't want to think about the what if's.. but unfortunately, sometimes they happen and then you're thrown into disarray.

And it's one of the worst feelings in the world.

oh sehun

Sehun had been very unsure about whether or not ending your marriage was the right thing to do, especially because he knew he'd go from a marriage into a relationship.

But that's the entire reason of why he would want to divorce you so.. it was right.. right?

“I'm so sorry,” he whispered as he watched you fall apart in front of him and in that moment, nothing made sense anymore.

This wasn't right.. hurting you like this, making you become this shell of a person.. it wasn't right, it couldn't be.

He left, thinking that that might be better and time with his new girlfriend would do him good. 

But it didn't do him good.

None of the weeks after that talk with you were good.

All he could think about was you, all he could worry about was you.

He regretted it..

..only that by the time he came to that realization, you were already over it.

Because you wouldn't let anyone treat you like this, cheat on you and then beg for a second chance, not even Oh Sehun.

[reddie-fangirl24]

Reddie Drabble Pride Month Day 9: Coming Out

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@missingtrashmouth‘s request word ‘Tent’ is in this story.

The Losers definitely picked a great weekend to go out camping. Vermont was a spectacular place. The fall air was on the rise, so it was a bit chilly. That didn’t stop the Losers from enjoying a little reunion after three months of being apart. Heating up marshmallows over the fire, everyone had a fun time joking around or catching up on stories. 

Eddie was in bright spirits. This was the first adventure he took all summer as he was recovering from his injury. As Richie put it, he had a severe case of cabin fever. Sitting closely next to his love by the fire, Eddie yearned to touch his knee against Richie’s, but he had to wait once they were alone in their tent.

“So, Richie, have you made up any good jokes lately?” Beverly asked as she fed a s’more to Ben. 

“I think the better question is if Bill has written any good endings lately,” Richie poked fun at Bill. 

Bill laughed sarcastically. “I’m interested in learning about where Mikey is living.”

Smiling that he had the floor, Mike didn’t hesitate. “Florida is great. I have an apartment by the ocean. For the summer I signed on to be a lifeguard.”

“Sounds nice. Beverly and I actually have some news to share,” Ben announced wrapping an arm around his girlfriend. The ginger hair woman couldn’t contain herself, biting her lower lip as she smiled. Reminiscent of when she was a kid. 

Richie drum rolled against the ground. Eddie laughed, gazing into his boyfriend’s eyes.

“You just love attention, don’t you?” Beverly chided him.

“If you don’t know me by now, Bev, you should be aware that it’s my best trait,” Richie told her with his English accent. The audience loved it when he did that. Richie decided that it was time to make his own show once and for all. And it turns out, they were way better than having someone type up his own script.

Beverly looked at Ben, adoringly. “Do you want to tell everyone the good news, sweetie?”

Watching them lovingly rub their noses together, Eddie yearned to do that with Richie. For months they’d been dating in secrecy. In the first month, there wasn’t much to do aside from being bed-ridden. Now that he regained his strength, Eddie felt like it was time to branch out from the old life that weighed him down like shackles. 

He loved Richie, but the former was still apprehensive about telling people about them. On one of the nights when they were lying in bed together talking, Richie told him about the experience that happened in the arcade when he was a kid. Eddie felt so terrible for him. From then on they promised to make little baby steps at a time in their relationship.

“Are you all around in February?” Beverly giggled as she happily showed the group her diamond ring. “We’re getting married!”

The Losers congratulated their dear friends. Bill made a toast. Clearly, there was a lot of planning that needed to go down. Everyone was happy about the news, but Eddie was quiet. Beverly and Ben, or Benverly as Richie called them, looked so happy. Glancing around at his friends, he felt so guilty that he was lying.

“Hey, Richie,” Eddie got his boyfriend’s attention. He was in mid cackle, unaware that his marshmallow was burning over the flames. Indicating to the healing stitches, and pointing towards the tent, Richie’s face immediately changed, perplexed. His nursing side immediately took over, worried that Eddie may have overdone it for the evening. Excusing themselves from the group, they disappeared into the tent they were sharing.

“Is it already time to change the bandages?” Richie asked about to lift up Eddie’s shirt once they were in the tent.

Eddie took his hand, pressing it to his heart. “No, Richie, that’s not it.”

“What? Is there a problem?” Richie asked alarmed. He touched his cheek with the fading scar.

Eddie shook his head, feeling a heavy weight on his heart. “I think it’s time that we told them.”

Richie blinked, his face fading more into a frown. “About us?”

“They deserve to know! They’re our friends,” Eddie told him.

“But, what if...” Richie groaned, distracted by the laughter coming from the campfire. “I just... don’t you think it’s a bad idea to upstage Benverly. They’re getting married!”

Staring into his boyfriend’s anxious eyes, Eddie could sense how nervous Richie was. “Richie, there’s no reason to be scared.”

“I’m not scared!” Richie retorted a little roughly.

Eddie took a breath. He couldn’t get all worked up. They had this argument enough. “Then why can’t we tell them?”

Listening to their friend’s chatter, Richie sighed. Eddie rubbed his hand along Richie’s arm in a soft massage. That and it was just an excuse to feel Richie’s incredible arm muscles.

Finally, Richie met his eyes, a sadness blended with fear trailing them. He knew that look all too well. Eddie kissed him and pulled Richie into a hug. To think he was actually complaining right before they went on this camping trip that they were spending too much time together.

“We’re doing this together,” Eddie whispered into his ear.

“Okay,” Richie reluctantly agreed, opening the tent flap.

“Is everything okay?” Mike asked once the two returned. The fire was still crackling, illuminating the forest nicely.

Eddie looked at Richie, urging him. Smiling nervously, Richie took Eddie’s hand in his. Bill took notice, curiously studying his friends. 

“Guys, Richie and I just wanted to tell you that we’re together,” Eddie announced. Even though he didn’t show a hint of fear, Eddie felt his heart pounding. You are string, he said to himself. He gave up his inhaler knowing that he never needed it in the first place. It was tough, Eddie wasn’t going to lie. He needed to learn how to cope, something he should have done as a child.

Beverly’s face grew in excitement. “Really?”

“Wow, guys, good for you!” Ben was next to congratulate them.

Mike toasted his drink. “A lot of great things happening!”

“Yeah, just took you guys long enough,” Bill lightly jabbed as he raised his drink in the air.

Richie looked at his friends, surprised. “Wait, you’re okay with us?” he asked indicating to himself and Eddie. Eddie just about melted away when he heard Richie refer to them as ‘us.’ As Bill said, it was about time.

“Why wouldn’t we be?” Mike asked Richie, shrugging his shoulders.

“Oh, well, Derry was never a... accepting town,” Richie muttered. He didn’t even want to think about that nightmare of a town right now.

“Just because we grew up there doesn’t mean that we think the same way,” Bill said to him. “If you guys are happy, then we’re happy.”

“Plus, you know what we always say. Ben?” Beverly nudged her fiance.

Ben toasted his drink. “Losers stick together!”

That’s right, Losers always stick together. Turning to look at Eddie, his boyfriend’s eyes looked so bright over the fire. 

“What are you looking at now, you asshole?”

Richie smiled slyly. “That booger in your nose.”

Before Eddie could sock him, Richie pulled Eddie in for a kiss.

[asoftervirge]

Of “Love” & Murder - (12/13)

CHAPTER TITLE: Revenge, Like Chocolate, Can Be Both Bitter and Sweet

RATING: M PAIRINGS: P. Sanders/V. Sanders (main/one-sided); R. Sanders/V. Sanders (former); V. Sanders/L. Sanders (former); V. Sanders/D. Sanders (former); Remy/E. Picani (side); T. Sanders/OMC (mentioned)

CHAPTER WARNINGS/KINKS: Remus Sanders, mentions of Satanic symbolism, Ted Bundy/Jeffrey Dahmer/serial killer references, Rocky Horror Picture Show reference, Poison, Swearing, mentions of Janus Sanders, referenced Smut, Smutty Thoughts, mentions of Sex Toys, Thanatophobia (fear of dying), mentions of Previous Deaths, various Methods of Murder, mentions of Violence, Descriptions of Murder, brief mention of Prison Rape, Dumpster Diving, Eating/Eating Gross Food, talks of Grey Morality, Morally Grey Patton, Baking/Food mentions CHAPTER SUMMARY: Patton meets with Remus.

AUTHOR’S NOTE: Here we are! We’re now at the second to last chapter! Despite the low reception of this fic, I’m very happy with it and it’s been so much fun posting it and seeing everyone’s reactions to it. Fun fact: I’m not real sure what rating this chapter would be under. Obviously it has mature stuff because of Remus, but it’s not too extreme to where no body can read it. It’s not a murder chapter, but he does talk about murder, so maybe it’s best to leave it M rated. lol Happy All Hallow’s Eve, everyone! Have fun reading! xx Virge

INSPIRATION: This post by @phantomofthesanderssides

AO3 || Buy Me A Ko-Fi!

To say Patton was nervous was an extreme understatement.

He was pacing back and forth in an alleyway— the location where Remus wanted to meet— going between fiddling with the hem of his sweater, and twirling a stray curl of hair. Blue eyes frantically scanned the dingy place he was in, not wanting to suddenly be jumped by a dangerous stranger.

Brick walls were stained with something the confectioner didn’t want to know what. Droplets of water from the gutters above dropped down onto the cobblestone. Garbage cans were tipped over, rotting food and other things made the air smell putrid.

A black cat scurried from behind one and past his feet, meowing loudly.

Patton squeaked and flinched as it went by. After collecting himself, he started to fidget more.

He hoped Remus would be here soon. With every minute he was in this alley, he was growing more and more frightened.

Despite this, he tells himself that this is worth it.

For Roman.

For Logan.

For Dorian.

For himself.

In the midst of his self-panic and self-reassurances, Patton didn’t catch the sounds of the metal fence behind him being scaled upon.

“So, you’re Patton Hart, hmm?” A high-pitched, slightly screechy voice said.

Patton yelped and spun around, instantly being greeting with the sight of Remus.

The man looked completely different from Roman, it was almost hard to believe that they were brothers, let alone twins. While the former thespian was composed, elegant, and beautiful, Remus…was anything but.

He looked like a rebellious punk, to put it simply.

Remus’ hair was oily-looking, very unkempt and scrappy; dark brown, almost black in color with touches of green hair dye in it and a single streak of silver. He was clad in a leather biker vest, various patches decorating it, and a fishnet shirt underneath which displayed all of his bruises, cuts, and scabs. His pants almost reminded him of Virgil’s jeans: ripped yet his were baggy as opposed to tight-fitting. His ankle boots were spiked, decorated with an upside down cross and a symbol that looked to be very satanic.

As a matter of fact, all of his jewelry appeared to be just that: skulls and satanic symbols. They were predominantly pieces that littered his neck, but he was also studded with a lot of piercings: a labret plus a lip, multiple ear and eyebrow ones, a chained nose, and a belly button. And all of them were silver as opposed to the gold Roman used to wear.

Looking at him twice over, Remus seemed to be a combination of Roman, Remy, and Toby.

Patton quickly straightened himself up, not wanting the other man to see just how scared he was.

“And you must be Remus Duke,” he responded back. His voice shook a little as he spoke. “I have to say, and I hope you don’t think me rude, but you looking nothing like your brother.”

Remus snorts. “That’s a compliment.” He tells him. “I’d rather not be a goody-goody Abel like my brother was.” He looked Patton up and down, giving him a quirked expression, “Ain’t you a bit saccharine to get help from me? Shouldn’t you be getting ready for beddy-bye time?”

“No!” Patton yells stubbornly. He recoils and tries again. “I-I mean, no. I really, really need your help, Remus. This is the only way I can truly stop Virgil.”

“Ha ha! So you’re also Virgil’s newest boy toy!” Remus grinned manically. Patton squealed and shivered in disgust at that. “I swear he goes through boy toys faster than either Ted Bundy or Jeffrey Dahmer did with their victims. Well, not as fast, but—”

“C-Cut it out!” Patton shrieked, stomping his foot in childish anger. He grew sickened at the thought of a monstrous killer like Bundy or a twisted cannibal like Dahmer, and comparing Virgil to them just made it worse.

(It was in that moment when the confectioner remembered the words Dorian told him before he divulged into how he was murdered. While Virgil was a horrible individual, he was nothing like how those men were. They were all criminals, yes, but the widower was somehow of a lesser evil.)

Trying to relax his shoulders, Patton asked again. “Are you going to help me or not?”

Still grinning, Remus jumped off the fence and onto the cobblestone. It wasn’t pleasant sounding as he fell flat on his ass. But he appeared to be okay as he shot straight into the air and began fishing through his pockets, humming Touch-a , Touch-a, Touch-a Touch Me under his breath while he searched.

“Ha ha!” he exclaimed when he finally found what it was he was looking for. He pulled out a vial of sinister-looking liquid, skull and crossbones marked on the front of it.

Poison.

Cyanide, to be more specific.

“This should be the very thing that’ll fuck Virgy-poo up!” Remus exclaimed happily. Then he pouted. “Lucky bastard,” he mumbled. “Just put this in whatever it is you’re gonna give him and watch with glee as he chokes and dies! Ooh, that sounds fun! Can I come and watch too?!”

“No!”

Remus pouted more, actually looking sad.

Patton was about to walk over and grab the vial but Remus stopped him.

“Not so fast, Mr. Fluffy Butthole.” Patton scrunched his nose. A serious look was in Remus's emerald green eyes. “Why do I have the stinky feeling this is for more than just my brother?”

The confectioner reeled back. “…What?”

“You wouldn’t have gotten my number from Toby and call me by saying ‘how would you feel about helping me avenge your brother’ without wanting to do more.” Remus narrowed his gaze. “You wanna avenge Virgil’s other husbands too, don’t you? Spouses or whatever they were.”

Patton opened his mouth to try and say something, but all he could do was sigh and nod. “You’re right,” he finally tells him. “It’s for more than just your brother. It’s also for Virgil’s second spouse, Logan Oxford—”

“That author who seemed so stubborn xe had a stick up xyr butt? Man, xe needed to get laid.”

“…xe were asexual…”

“…Emotionally laid, then.”

“You mean having a loving, supportive relationship?”

Remus gagged. “Don’t be lewd!”

“Xe were also aromantic.”

“I could’ve helped with that!” Remus grinned. “But if xe were also asexual, then it would’ve been no dice. Hehe, dick ice, hehe!”

Patton ignored him and continued on from before. “— and his third, Dorian Cain—”

“Ah! The serpent-y lawyer whose tongue was for more than lying!” Remus grinned more. Since he was a little closer to him, Patton could see the yellow of his teeth. “I’ve heard that he and Virgil were a lot alike. Plus, they were really able to get” – he wriggled his hips – “it” – he started thrusting “on!”

The confectioner blinked, then sighed deeply and tiredly. How exactly was he Roman’s twin brother? (He could practically hear Roman sighing along with him).

“I was in cahoots with him, you know!” Remus tells him, still thrusting for some silly reason.

“So I’ve heard,” Patton tells him, not wanting to delve into details about the supernatural encounters he had. He didn’t need to give this guy the time of day. “They said you called him about wanting him to find evidence on Virgil, but he said no.”

“Yep!” Remus stopped mid-thrust and emphasized on the p. “He accused me of wanting to slander a celebrity, like everybody else did. But it was also because he didn’t want to put his own husband on trial or some other bullshit.”

He blinked then continued thrusting. “I wonder what would’ve happened if I got to him first?” he mumbled to himself in curiosity. He turned to Patton with a grin. “You think Virgil is great in bed? I would’ve given that lawyer the time of his life! We would’ve fuck for days and weeks on end using all the neat kinky toys I have! Plus, all the crazy flexible sex positions?!” He bobbed his head from side-to-side, singing. “Anyone Virgil could do, I could do better~!”

Apparently, Virgil did that and then some, Patton couldn’t help but think to himself, suddenly being reminded of how explicit Virgil and Dorian were. (If the lawyer were here, he’d probably be flattered and chuckle in his ear).

“But it’s more than them too!” the confectioner exclaims, continuing on from where he left off previously. “It’s for any other potential victim of Virgil’s…and me too…”

“Oh?!” This intrigued Remus as he now had Patton’s full attention. “How so?” He could see the confectioner tugging and fiddling with his sweater. Remus actually saw him doing this when he was stalking the alleyway. It must be a grounding mechanism for him or something, kind of like how he plays with his fingers.

“Because—because I’m scared of dying.”

Remus blinked. “You are?”

“Yes— Of course, I am!” Patton didn’t know why the other man was acting like dying isn’t something to be feared. Because, to him, especially in this circumstance, it was. “If I don’t do anything to stop Virgil, I’m scared I’m gonna die. And I don’t wanna die.”

Tears came to his eyes, he rubbed them away with a fist.

“I don’t want to end up like the others. I don’t want a ribbon around my neck, or arsenic in my belly, or a bullet in my head. I don’t want to have my life cut short by someone who might actually want me dead!”

Now he had both fists rubbing harshly at his cheeks. “There’s so much of my life I want to live. There was so much of their lives that they had yet to live. And I want to be able to avenge that…I want my friends, and even you, to be at ease knowing they finally found peace.”

Remus watched awkwardly as Patton cried in front of him. He wasn’t all that good with the emotional, cutesy, kind-wordsy stuff like his brother was. But if Roman was in this situation, he would know what to do better than anyone else.

He knew the moments when his brother would need a hug, and this would be one of them.

So, he stepped forward and wrapped his arms around Patton, letting him sob into his shoulder.

Patton curled further into him, not caring that he smelled of body odor and garlic.

“Hey, hey,” he murmured. “It’s okay. It’ll all be a-okay.”

The confectioner sniffled. “How do you know that?” he asked, voice thick with emotion.

“Because that mean, nasty Virgil’s gonna get what’s coming to him!” Remus tells him. He takes Patton’s tear-stained glasses and licked them clean. He then walked over to a garbage can and fished out a dirty napkin to wipe them with. “Here you go!”

Patton grimaced as he put his… ‘newly cleaned’ glasses back on.

“Even if Roman didn’t like me all that much, he was one of my favorite people,” Remus continues. “And I was incredibly upset when he was killed, or ‘committed suicide,’ as the police suspected.” He narrowed his eyes. “I wanted to bring Virgil to court, I really did, but there was no evidence left at the crime scene.”

Remus snarled; fists clenched together tightly. “When they told me that…I was thinking of contemplating murder myself.” He shook his head. “There were so many things I wanted to do to him.” He began counting on his fingers, “Disembowel him, let my pet rats feed on his body, flood my teeth with his spine, build a sandcastle out of his ashes. You name it, I wanted to do it.”

Patton got visibly sickened with each possible method of murder and violence.

“And yet I couldn’t do anything. I may be a wildcard, but Virgil is much more cunning. He’s slipperier than a bar of prison soap.” Patton dared not ask what he meant by that. “Plus, he might’ve expected that I would come and destroy him when I got the chance. So, there wasn’t anything I could do.”

“But you tried though,” the confectioner says. “Despite there not being evidence, you still went and contacted Dorian Cain to try and see what would happen.”

Remus nodded. “Well, yeah. I figured I might as well eat the bullet and chew until I’m forced to spit it out. And so, I called Dorian’s law firm and asked anyway. Even though I was told ‘no,’ something deep within my dick told me that he might try and do something in secret. When I saw in the papers that he had also killed himself, I thought my chances were ruined for good.”

“However,” he then held out the vial of poison for Patton to take. He could see just how dirty his fingers were: bruised, chewed-up fingernails, chipped black and green nail polish, and grime around the cuticles. “You can be the one to finish him off. Do what me and Dorian couldn’t, and put that murdering piece of shit in the ground where he belongs.”

At first, Patton seemed hesitant about taking it from him, but after everything he’s witnessed, everything he’s heard, everything he’s feared, his resolve was hardened.

He takes the vial and stuffs it in his pocket.

Standing closer to Remus, he can see the details he couldn’t see from afar: flakes of dandruff in his hair; messy, purple, smoky eyeshadow; black lipstick that was slightly smeared; a little bit of stubble growing above his lip; along with any other cuts, bruises, and scabs on his skin.

Not only that, he could see the various patches on his biker vest; only a small handful of them were satanic and anarchist symbols, while the rest were a mixture of things Remus must enjoy. A green sword with tentacles coming from it, a Morningstar, an anatomical heart, a bloodshot eyeball, a skeleton, a peach, a couple octopi and krakens, an alien, a peach, a hazardous symbol, some that involve cursing and parental advisory, some dark Disney ones, an opossum with he/him pronouns, the aromantic flag, and lastly, one that has ‘Duke’ on it in graffiti.

Despite his appearance, Patton might consider this gross man…not so much a friend, but an ally.

“…Remus?” Said man leans in closer, making Patton bend back. “…Thank you. Truly. I wouldn’t have been able to do any of this without your help.”

He waved nonchalantly. “Eh, don’t worry about it,” he tells him. He walks over to one of the garbage cans and starts rummaging through it once more. “It’s the least I can do. Being an assistant— heh, ass-istant— is better than being forced to sit back and do nothing.” He pulls out a rotting banana, unpeeling it and then taking a bit bite out of it.

Patton looked like he was going to throw up.

Mid-chew, he looked back at the confectioner. “You know,” he mumbled, browning banana flying out of his mouth. “For someone who looks all pure and morally righteous, you gotta little bit of grey in ya.”

“I’m only doing this for good.”

“Maybe,” Remus gulps loudly then takes another huge bite. “But you’re still planning on killing him. No matter how you justify it, redrum is redrum.”

“Redrum?”

“Murder. The Shining. Stephen King.”

Patton hummed.

“Seriously though, who am I to talk morals schmorals to you? Good and bad is all made up nonsense!” Another loud gulp, another big bite. “So! When are you gonna do the do?”

“You mean do the deed?”

“Same thing!”

“Tomorrow.”

“Ooh! On Halloween night too!” Remus grinned excitedly. Patton had honestly forgotten that it would be Halloween, having been so preoccupied with everything has was going on at 613 Rue Morgue. “Are you suuure I can’t come with you?”

“I’m sure, Remus. Thank you.”

Remus pouts again, but he quickly shrugged it off.

“Ah well,” he drops the banana peel at his feet. Litter bug. He started to scale up the fence, allowing Patton to see the large green kraken that covered his back. “I guess I’ll leave the rest to you. Good luck, Patton!”

With a gleeful wave, Remus jumps over and disappears into the shadows from whence he came.

Patton stays in his spot for the longest time.

Maybe…he was a bit grayer than he realized. Through his entire life, he was never really challenged on his morals. He always played by the rules and laws of life, not wanting to face the punishments for having done something wrong.

But now, he was.

He was faced with someone who had a complete disregard for them and is walking a free man with three murders (maybe even more) stained on his hands.

And here he was, wanting to change all of that.

Like he said to Remus, it was for a good cause: to have their spirits be appeased and to have Virgil never commit any heinous crimes ever again. Even if the solution was a permanent one.

Maybe…the other man was right. Maybe…good and bad really is made up nonsense.

With the thoughts of his newly-placed morals in his head, Patton finally left the alleyway.

The alleyway that Remus chose was in the lower part of town, the shadier and troublemaking part to be specific. And even though Patton could have chosen to take his car, he walked since he lived close by in the lower regions of downtown.

It was a long but much needed walk for the confectioner to take.

While the air proved to be chilly, the autumn leaves dropped down onto the ground, creating a little ombre of colors on the sidewalk. The night sky was a trifecta of rich purples, deep blues, and cool blacks. Dots of white twinkled above, making the picturesque scene complete.

Patton looked around at all the holiday decorations that were on display. All of the ghosts, witches, scarecrows, and grim reapers all gave him a bit of a fright. The fake tombstones and giant rope spider webs made him squeak and turn his head for a split second. But he smiled at seeing the differently carved jack-o-lanterns— some more intricate than others— and the outdoor lights that glowed in various colors, like orange, purple, green, blue, red, white, and black. Though what really got a giggle out of him, were the inflatables that stood on each lawn; some were of pumpkins, others were black cats, and was the occasional spooky tree.

Many people love going all out on Halloween, and the confectioner was one of them, having spent so many hours throughout September and October transforming the interior of his shop.

He continued walking into downtown, fog hovering over the street lamps as the air grew a little denser and colder. The streets were slightly bustling as people were walking to and from various stores, all in last-minute preparation for tomorrow night. Many of them were families, with children bouncing up and down excitedly about their costumes while the parents held bags that were presumably filled with candy and other goodies.

It all made Patton smile, for he had that same childish whimsy.

The confectioner didn’t stop walking until he came to a very familiar brown building, the words Patty’s Sweet Confectionaries swirled in fancy but readable font on the window.

Patton took a minute to gently trace his fingers across the white lettering. He still remembers the first day he opened its doors, a young and bright-eyed man who simply wanted to spread the sugary joy that his grandmother used to give him.

With a deep breath, he walked into his confectionery shop, the jingle of the bell above the door made his heart swell up a little. Once inside, he gazed around, nostalgia and melancholy shone in his eyes as he flipped on the lights.

Golden chandeliers glowed from the cream-colored ceiling as the shop became illuminated, presenting the changes that Patton had made. The only other things that remained the same were the dark brown and white tile, and the wooden stands and tables dressed with dishes and bowls, but what filled them had changed since September.

Eyeball-shaped white chocolate truffles, and ghostly popcorn balls were now the specialty treats for the holiday; along with cookies in the shape of skeletons, and white chocolate bark with candy corn. In the display case were still the traditional chocolates, but there were also pumpkin spiced cakes and cupcakes, along with macaroons of varying monstrous design and Frankenstein cereal treats.

However, the two favorites were front and center: gooey marshmallow, and glistening candy apples. The best part about them? The marshmallow is dyed in accordance to the holiday, and the candy apples were also coated with white icing to make it look like Snow White’s poisoned one from the Disney movie.

Walking in further, he plugged in the decorative lights that hung from the walls. The miniature pumpkin luminary bags added another layer of festive spirit to the store, and they paired nicely with the cutout garlands Patton had made some-years back.

The confectioner tenses up as he feels vial of poison roll into his hands from inside his pocket.

A part of him still feels conflicted about doing something like this.

Obviously he knows what Virgil did was horrible and wrong, but on the other hand, he wished there was a much simpler way to see his downfall come to fruition. But as Remy and Toby said, if the police were working with him, then it was impossible to see lawful justice be served to him. (Dorian tried it, and look what happened.)

So this was the only option he had left.

Resolve slowly hardening, Patton made his way to the kitchen to begin work.

He began pulling out giant mixing bowls— both silver and copper, measuring cups, double boilers, spoons and forks, and a plethora of ingredients in order to create the perfect box of poisonous chocolates.

Patton didn’t need to think about which ones he would give to the widower, he knew the recipes for each one by memory.

The first recipe read:
 “1 lb of dark chocolate 16 maraschino cherries with the stem 3 tablespoons softened butter 3 tablespoons light corn syrup 2 cups sifted confectioners’ sugar”

Parts of the second read:
 “2/3 cups dark chocolate chips 1/3 cup + 2 tablespoons of heavy cream A dash of cinnamon”

The third read:
 “7 oz. finely chopped dark chocolate 1/3 cup espresso ½ tablespoons unsalted butter ½ cup unsweetened cocoa powder”

And finally, the fourth read: 
“1 cup melted cocoa butter 1 tablespoon cocoa powder 3 tablespoon dark chocolate ½ teaspoon almond extract”

Within each recipe, he made sure to add the cyanide poisoning into the mixtures, adding a bit more than necessary so that it wouldn’t be masked by any of the other ingredients. (He wore protective gear, of course. The same mask and gloves he wore whenever he dabbled in making anything featuring liquid nitrogen.)

Hours later, he had batches cooling on racks and baking sheets. And after checking that he had a perfect set of thirty-two, he began the decorating process. Glazes, icings, and sugars scattered about in the air and dusted his face, hair, and fingers.

Once everything was done up all nice and pretty, Patton placed them all in a box: a black one topped with a bow of dark violet ribbon.

Patton stood back and observed his craftsmanship. A deep frown slowly made its way to his face.

The first part of the deed was done…

…now? It was time for Virgil to have a taste of his own chocolatey medicine.

[sometimeseffable]

the night comes down (and it's dark again)

Adam shows up at their door at 9pm on a Tuesday.

The shop has been closed for hours at this point, its owner having decide the weather was far too mucky for a respectable place of business to be open (respectable, his companion had snickered, earning him a copy of Hamlet to the head).

“We’re closed!” Aziraphale calls as several loud knocks reverberate through the store to the back room, where he’s thoroughly enjoying his novel. It’s the perfect setting for a rainstorm; a warm, cozy room filled with golden light, a mug of cocoa by his elbow, and a wily old serpent tucked up against him.

The knocking continues. Crowley raises his head and peers in its direction with sleep-bleary eyes.

“Should we get that?” He frowns. “Sort of late for a customer, isn’t it?”

“They’ll give up eventually,” Aziraphale dismisses, turning a page. From the front, the knocking only gets more insistent, turning into a desperate sort of pounding. 

It’s hard to ignore. And whoever’s doing it doesn’t seem to want to give up.

Whatever it is, it had to be more interesting than Dickinson. At least, that’s what Crowley reasons as he levers himself up to check, despite Aziraphale’s protests. He’s not worried about someone needing help. Definitely not.

So Crowley wiggles on sleepy limbs that already have poor motor control to the door and swings it open. He’s not exactly prepared for what he finds.

“Adam?”

The young former-antichrist is shivering on the front step, soaked to the bone, curls dripping from where they’re matted to his head. Stiff fingers white-knuckle the bars of his racing bike. He’s all of fourteen now, but the lost expression on his face reminds the demon of when he was eleven, burning with recently discovered powers and terrified of it.

“I didn’t know where else to go,” he croaks, and fuck if Crowley doesn’t feel something twist in his chest.

“Get inside, you’ll catch your death,” he scolds as he ushers Adam in. Miracles him dry, gets the bike to a relatively uncluttered corner upstairs,  and conjures up a blanket to toss over his cold shoulders (it’s black, but it’s also tartan, for Satan’s sake - )

“Did you solve the case dear - oh, Adam!” Aziraphale’s sarcasm dissipates as he pokes out from the back room. Crowley lets him take charge, fussing over the boy, ruffling his curls with a tea towel despite that they’re dry now. “Whatever are you doing here alone so late at night? Where are your parents?”

Adam doesn’t answer beyond a vague shrug; his Godfathers, as they’d dubbed themselves at his twelfth birthday party, share a glance.

They sit him on the previously occupied couch in the backroom.  A fresh mug of steaming cocoa appears with a bell-like tinkle, pressed into Adam’s blue-tipped fingers as Aziraphale sits to his one side with an arm around his shoulders.

Aziraphale’s good with the comforting touches, Crowley thinks, watching the once Destroyer of Kings lean into the angel’s warmth. Has to be a Heaven thing. People in need gravitate to him like...like...whatever. Metaphors aren’t his strong suit.

“I ran away,” Adam explains after a few sips of cocoa. Aziraphale hums appropriately; Crowley raises a brow behind dark glasses, arms crossed.

“You biked all the way here?”

Which gets him a look, the kind that reads, Darling, is this really the time to be worrying about his powers? To which he responds with an eyebrow raise that says, Come on, tell me you’re not curious about what he can still do. And then that gets a slight headshake of, Yes alright fine, I’m curious but that’s not what we’re focusing on now. You can ask later.

This all takes place in the span of half a second (they’ve gotten rather good at nonverbal communication), so Adam doesn’t notice.

“We got in a row,” he says, all sad and bitter and righteously angry, “I don’t even remember what started it, just that they – they don’t understand! I keep trying to tell them, and they just won’t listen! And then I start thinking about how – how they’re not my parents, not really, and that they wouldn’t know about how to deal with all the Hell in me, and then I just get more angry but they don’t know why.”

It’s a lot to unpack all at once. Aziraphale is quick to soothe.

“They are your parents, dear. You made it that way.”

“But they’re not really.”

“Yes, they are. Even if you hadn’t made it so they always were, they’re still the ones who raised you. They love you no matter what,” Aziraphale reassures. But Crowley watches Adam shrink away from that, shoulders rising up to his ears. He knows how fourteen-year-olds work (they’re basically demons on their own) and chooses now to step in.

“Angel, I think you’ve left the kettle on,” Crowley says, as diplomatic as he ever gets. He gets a blank look, a puzzled half-frown, before Aziraphale’s eyes widen and he blusters away, mumbling about ‘putting on a fresh pot’.

Adam has curled a little more into himself, tight against the arm of the couch, face pinched. He doesn’t react as Crowley crouches carefully next to him. Fuck, but it’s not like he ever had to deal with Warlock at this age. So he starts off easy.

“You talk to Pepper or Brian or Wensley about it?”

A headshake negative. “They wouldn’t understand,” Adam mutters darkly. And – yeah, he gets that. How can three human children know how to deal with a hormone-addled, depression-sensitive, one-wrong-word-from-a-fight former Son of Satan when there hasn’t ever been one before? How can anyone know how someone who once held inordinate powers of Darkness feels when they’re also navigating the tribulations of being a normal teenager?

“Look,” Crowley says. Hesitates, then bulldozes on, “I know what you mean when you say no one gets it. I get that, trust me. What sucks is that there’s no one else in the universe who’s ever gonna get how it feels to have been the antichrist. Yeah? Just like there’s no one else in the world who understand being a demon who’s not really keen on evil, or an angel who doesn’t like the Sound of Music. Sometimes it’s just like that.”

“I hate that it’s like that.”

“Me too,” Crowley agrees. And that has a pair of damp blue eyes looking up at him in earnest.

“I thought adults don’t like when people hate things because it’s too strong.”

“Bugger that.” It earns him a giggle; Crowley lets his lips twitch up in a smile.

“Life sucks sometimes. But it only gets worse when you push away the people who care. I’m not saying they’re right,” Crowley interrupts the building protest, “You’re allowed to think they’re wrong and you’re allowed to not like how people treat you, even if they do it out of love, and fuck, you’re allowed to run away to bloody London if that’s what’s gonna make you feel better. And maybe no one does understand, but you’ve got me, and Aziraphale, and the Them. You’ve even got your parents when they feel like being reasonable. Okay?”

The kid considers it a moment. His shoulders relax a fraction. “Okay.”

“Okay. You want to talk any more about it? Because I might have to get Aziraphale back in for that.”

“No, that’s okay.” It really does seem okay, too, that’s the kicker. Adam yawns; kid’s had a rough day, he could tell. Crowley basically invented rough days.

He gives the kid’s shoulder a light squeeze. Never been good with physical contact, him. “You can stay here tonight if you like. I’ll drive you back to Tadfield tomorrow.”

“Won’t my parents be worried?”

“We’ll give ‘em a call.” Even now, in the background, Crowley can pick up the faint, angelic tones of Aziraphale soothing a worried Mrs. Young over the phone. He knows they’ll end up not having a problem with it. “Miraculously, I don’t think they’ll mind.”

Adam gives him a shaky smile. The metaphorical clouds are lifting (despite that outside it’s still a deluge) and a bit of the sun pokes through.

Fourteen-year-old boys are notoriously hard to get to sleep; it’s even harder to get them to submit to any sort of physical affection. All the same, when Aziraphale comes back into the room, he’s greeted by the sight of Adam half-laying on his demonic Godfather, sound asleep with one jet wing wrapped protectively around him.

“Not a word,” Crowley threatens. It’s fairly empty, given the hand tangled in the former-antichrist’s curls.

Aziraphale picks his book back up and settles in next to them. The hand not resting on Adam’s head finds itself dangling over the angel’s shoulder, Crowley’s arm firm around his shoulders. It fits, somehow, like three pieces of different puzzles that don’t look at all wonky when put together.

“I didn’t say anything, my dear.”

--

Cross-posted on AO3

My Ko-Fi

Open for writing prompts if you got ‘em!

[tiaragqueen]

In His Sights

✂ Pairing: Yandere! Jung Hoseok x Reader

✂ Word Count: 1,8k

✂ Trigger Warning: Violence, obsessive tendencies, possessive behaviors, yandere theme.

✂ This story is fictional and for amusement only. I don't believe any of the members would do this in real life. As always, thank you for reading and I hope you have a good day!

Do not re-upload my writing to another website or use it without my permission.

[Edited]

***

If you like my writing, please support me on ko-fi!

“And I like the way you hurt inside; always waiting for the worst to get me by. And I like the way you hurt. After all you’ve done, look what I’ve become.” - Hurt [Get Scared]

           Jung Hoseok was a cheerful man.

          There wasn’t any day passed when he wasn’t smiling, or screaming in pure excitement. Sure, there were moments where he acted all mischievous and the like, but most of the time he was joyful.

          Almost as if he had no worries.

          This trait was what attracted you to him in the first place. Not only that, but he was also optimistic. He lent you a shoulder to cry on, giving you a piece of wise advice and listened to your problems without any judgments. At the end of your ranting and cries, he always cracked a joke or pull some harmless pranks on to your other friends. Anything to make sure you didn't go to sleep sad.

           He was so caring. The perfect boyfriend anyone could ever ask for.

           Of course, that doesn’t mean he never experienced anger. He had, though, just like any other humans in this world. But it was rare, and the probability was small either. His friends could count on with one hand the times where he was truly mad, or at least, the small signs. Because despite his expressive nature, he possessed enormous self-control. The reason had to be very painful; severe enough to actually ignite his ire.

          And an angry Hoseok was an intimidating Hoseok.

         You squeezed your eyes shut, trying to erase the gory image from your brain. But it was a pointless attempt because how could you forget something that happened right in front of your eyes? And the fact that the culprit was none other than your lover himself, Jung Hoseok, made it all the more indelible.

          You had never expected your sweet, ‘sunshine’ of a man to be capable of such violent act. The man that claimed to be hope; your hope.

          Little did he know that your hope had long gone down the drain the moment he took a whip from the closet.

          Then again, love blinds people from any logic. Even the most affectionate ones.

          You had been bounded in this chair for God knows how long. Your muscles were stiff, and the rope chafed your sensitive skin. It might be bleeding, who knows. But you knew that it was nothing compared to what your brother suffered right now.

          Hoseok cracked his whip against your brother’s raw back. Another scream followed shortly; a heartrending wail that pierced through the night sky. You winced, a waterfall of tears streamed down your flushing cheeks. No matter how many times you’d heard it, you could never get used to that grievous sound. Nor could you bring yourself to stop crying when your brother was laying on his stomach – chained in the bed you shared with Hoseok – bare-chested and full of injuries.

          It all happened too fast; one minute you were heading to the kitchen to prepare some food for him, and the next you woke up in your dark room with a terrible headache.

          Hoseok put down the whip at last – you'd lost count on how many times he used that on to your dear sibling – and slowly turned to face you. You squirmed in your seat, trying to free yourself but to no avail. Hoseok was advancing towards you, and you had never begged him to leave you alone so loud in your life. His stride was slow and deliberate; meant to intimidate you and consume your entire being with an unadulterated fear.

          And he succeeded. Of course, he did. You had never seen this side before, and now you wished you could rewind the time.

          The tremor in your body was palpable, bringing forth cold sweats that poured from the pores. They trickled down to his palm that settled itself under your chin, dragging your face close to his. His minty breath – something that you used to love – felt like a freezing wind during winter. It brushed against your wet cheeks as if wanting to freeze the tears midway.

          He was close. Too close. You felt almost claustrophobic with the proximity. It was like being stuck in an elevator - with your enemy - for hours. Except you didn't know how long you'd been staying here. All you knew was that it was night, and Hoseok still wearing his work clothes. A red checkered shirt with its buttons opened, revealing his dark tank top underneath, black pants, and white snickers. It was an outfit that you had chosen yourself because he could be clingy and wanted to know your preferences in male clothing.

          Even though he already knew it, unbeknownst to you.

          “Who do you love the most?”

          Ah, there it was. The dreaded question. The first yet portentous inquiry he’d spoken after hours of intense torture and unremitting pain.

          It was unfair how he could easily ask that without thinking about the dilemma that weighted your mind. You loved Hoseok – you truly did – but he had become such an overwhelming figure in your life. Always hovering over you whilst shooting a cautious look to your friends as if they would steal you away from him. You had reassured him countless times before, that you were loyal to him and would never leave him for anyone. But Hoseok still retained his wary and overprotective traits because deep inside, he feared that you would change your mind and choose somebody else instead.

          Women are fickle creatures, after all. And it’s only natural for a man to protect his mate.

          “I...”

          What would you say? It’s not like you could choose who to love between a sibling or a lover. Both of them were kind to you, instilling warmth and love into your otherwise dull life. There was no bad blood; no family feud like those in dramas. They were supportive of your relationship with Hoseok, naively believing the mask of a doting and devoted boyfriend. And you, too, had fallen victim to it.

          The cliché quote said ‘nobody’s perfect’. And yet, you were still beguiled by that so-called perfection.

          But why? Why did he do this to him, to you? What could he possibly gain from this? Some kind of sick amusement? Satisfaction? Validation?

          “Why...? Why are you doing this?” you sobbed, peering up through your wet lashes to look at his unusually hollow eyes. It scared you because they used to glitter with mirth. And now, it almost seemed as if you were looking to a doll. “Answer me, goddammit-!”

          A hand clasped your mouth, preventing you from fully expressing your desperation and curses. You wanted to bite his palm for rudely cutting you off, but the fear of punishment forced you to stay put. Hoseok leaned forward, almost closing the suffocating space between the two of you. It could’ve been romantic had he didn’t look so cold yet empty.

          “You want to know why?”

          His voice was eerily calm despite the mocking tone. It terrified you; to see him act so cool because you couldn’t predict when and how he would lose his temper. You used to have this naïve thought that he might be one of those ‘violent and rampaging’ type, and while the former could be proved as accurate, the latter was clearly debatable.

          With his hand still attached to your mouth, you merely nodded in response.

          “It’s because you want to leave me.”

          Your eyes widened, both from shock and rage. How dare he accused you of something you hadn’t done. Hoseok might not be what you had thought about, but you never planned on leaving him. Unless-

          “You think I’m accusing you.” It was scary how he knew you so well until he could correctly predict what you were thinking about. You supposed that you should be flattered with the fact that he had taken the time to understand you – your flaws and all – but this just proved to you of how deep his love was.

          How long he had been watching you without your knowledge.

          “I’m right, aren’t I?” He narrowed his eyes, and you suddenly felt very small. Like a frightened deer in front of a fierce yet calculating cheetah because he could – and would – chase you to the end of the earth if necessary. “You have been meeting with your brother under the excuse of meeting your old friend. Oh, what was their name again? Seojoon?”

          You gulped silently.

          “There has never been a friend named Seojoon in your life, but I applaud you for your intricate lie in coming up with their background. Very believable, indeed. I almost fell for it.” He huffed out a derisive chuckle. “But you see, you can only keep up a lie for so long until it comes back to bite at you. And you have been found guilty.”

          He continued, “I’m not stupid enough to let you go outside without my supervision, [Name]. Especially when you met the one person that should be the most supportive of us.”

          Of course. Of course. How could you think that for one fucking second, you were free? That you could finally do anything and meet anyone you want? No, because the moment you accepted his confession, was when you gave him the reign to own you. To possess you as if you were some kind of a doll. A puppet to be controlled.

          How fucking stupid could you be, [Name]?!

          “But, no. Instead, he backstabbed me – us – by spouting out nonsense about how I’m not good enough for you and that I’m too possessive. Bullshit!” You flinched when he suddenly slammed his other hand against the table. “Your brother’s a fucking hypocrite, [Name]! How can you be so blind?! He’s trying to ruin our relationship!”

          Hoseok finally released his palm before he could risk suffocating you any further and paced around the room in frustration. “And I can’t let that happen. No, no, no. I won’t.” He dashed towards you with surprising speed and grabbed your face. “You belong to me, remember? Forever and ever. We’re gonna marry someday and then we move out to another country or something. Far away from here, because this place’s not safe anymore.”

          A manic smile slowly contorted his face when he noticed your trembling body. “Aw, why are you shaking? Are you scared?” he cooed, and you didn’t know whether he was taunting you or not. All you cared about was how you could burn this memory forever. “Don't worry, I’ll never hurt my darling. These are just the proofs of my love. ‘Cause we can’t have anyone to destroy something that we’ve built for so long, can we?”

          Another tear slipped from your eyelids at the implication. Hoseok wiped them away with a stroke and smiled softly. You sobbed harder, chest constricted at the bitter nostalgia. The sight in front of you reminded you so much of his usual behavior.

          The times where you were blissfully oblivious to his violent side. The times where he took you out on a spontaneous date and whisper some cheesy things reserved for your ears only. The times where he wasn't so crazy with you. Maybe he had, though. You just didn't know it. Yet. But you did now.

          Where did all those beautiful memories go?

          “I love you, [Name].”

[sxnguinesxnctum]

[hey want some last day of the decade sad headcanons]

[BEASTHOOD ISN’T FUN FOR LAURENCE not one bit and not only for the eternal guilt that keeps him awake, nor for the screams of pain coming outside his cathedral. Just like Ludwig, he kept his consciousness, despite how easily he can fall into beasthood during the worst fights

Laurence suffers physically, other than mentally.  every second is filled with pure pain for the flames burning from the inside, and too much movement makes things even worse. he feels the pain in the chest he opened himself in a desperate attempt to end it all when he was still alive, and feel the splitting headache caused by the final blow Ludwig and Gehrman gave him, directly in the middle of his skull

    and when he isn’t busy being overwhelmed by guilt and regret, or when he can no longer control the hunger in his self-imposed fasting the flames burn him even more, taken by a destructive rage. he may not get out very often from the Cathedral, nor he recieves many visitors - but whenever he does, the Nightmare becomes nothing but rubbles and ash, just to be rebuilt and destroyed again rarely Ludwig manages to calm him down, but more often than usual the former Vicar’s wrath can be stopped only by killing him, after long hours of sorrow, pain, pure rage and anger

that hell was created because of him, after all - and Kos made sure to make him go through the worst possible punishments.]

[marixpedition]

5 Risks That Gave 2019 a 180-Degree Turn

It is almost the end of the year, and here we are trying to look back at what basically happened in the year that is yet to end. I am guessing that it will either be a trip down to memory lane or a flashback of regrets. It is undeniable that we are all rooting for the former though.

2019 embodies a different personality for every person. I have scrolled through Instagram looking at people’s 2019 stories - travel, success, milestones, relationships, reconciliation, breakups, enlightenment, coffee, and more coffee. Some would say it is a year to be thankful for; some would say it is something they have to let go of. I am thinking each year boils down into two options: make or break. 

I have known people who got married this year, had their first child, graduated from college or graduate school, got back with their ex, traveled a lot this year, just got promoted at work. Others I have known of lost a family member, ended a long time relationship, got cheated on, lost an opportunity they have been waiting for so long, was rejected by a person they liked so much or friendzoned, had a friendship gap because of little things that got out of hand.

Disclaimer lang puu: ‘di ako nagbablind item or nangchichismis.

Each year that passes for us is a mathematical problem that just got solved or just left us even more puzzled than we were in this life. If I were to assess my 2019, I choose the latter. There are so many things this year that got me asking myself, “ What the heck was that?” or “What on Earth just happened?”

I am about to share to you 5 personal things that happened in my year and what I learned from them. These are not just 5 personal issues or drama or whatever you would call that, but they are “risks” I took this year that made me tell myself, “Damn, girl! Ano? Rebel ghorl?”

1. Pixie Cut

Christmas of 2018 was when I finally had a short haircut after 3 years of having a long hair, but 2018 was yet to be shaken. It was because I finally decided, middle of this year, to get a pixie after a year of push and pull conflict with myself. I was too excited to get my hair chopped real short that time and also nervous. Why was I nervous? SIZT! I was about to get the shortest length of haircut in my entire life (so far). Who knows I might sport myself a baldy some day? 

Do I consider it a risk? ENTIRELY. It was a huge risk because I was not fully confident that I will be able to pull it off after the magic of the salon blower expires. It turns out to be true. Reactions of the people I know were mixed. “Omg! You cut your hair? I love it!” “It suits you! How I wish I can do the same!” “What happened to your hair?!” “Why did you cut it?” “What are you doing with your life?” (Oo besh may ganun nagtanong, “Ano ginagawa mo sa buhay mo?”)

How did my family react to it? My brother - no comment. My mother - at first she was confused as to why I would cut my hair very short but she eventually accepted my decision. After months of having my pixie, she also got the same hairdo. Idol talaga ako ng nanay ko. ‘Di bale idol ko din naman siya. My father - he did not like it. He thought I looked like a “tomboy” in Filipino context. Jake Zyrus ganorn daw. Even my relatives from the province was not a fan of it especially the titas. I still love them, but I was on the verge of blaming the culture for what it has imposed on women with short hair and glorifying those with long ones. But I said to myself, WHATEVER. 

That is when it hit me. 

That is how it feels when you defy the norms without actually violating any rules. Cliché man pero EMPOWERED tayo mga mamshies. It was following my heart’s desire without compromising my faith and principles nor any relationship. It was a great leap for me - doing something new and beyond my comfort zone.

It reminded me of the day I put my life in the hands of the Lord. Many people would say it is very risky and scientifically unstable based on human calculations, but never in my entire life did I feel like I have done the right-est thing until I have surrendered everything to Him.

But why did I grow my hair again? P350 monthly haircut maintenance at Bench Fix Salon. Mahal, besh. Pulubi na ako.

2. 2nd Pair of Lobe and Helix Piercing

The second thing I will talk about is indeed RISKY. I admit that I have compromised few of my principles and relationships here. Example would be the promise to keep the body pure for it is the temple of the Holy Spirit, which means that having tattoos or cuts/wounds do not make the Lord pleased. Also, because I am an educator who is to be a role model in the academic institution, I must not have gotten a piercing that could push my students to do the same which obviously is not allowed in school.

Second best question is do I regret getting those piercings? Kind of. I am not the type of person who breaks the rules because I detest any form of hassle if it can be avoided. Now, having these piercings is so hassle when I am at work because they have to be removed then put on again at night to make sure the holes do not close.

Hassle talaga, mga besh. Wala eh. Priorities. I love my work more than my nice earrings and piercings.

Kathryn Bernardo made me get the piercings. Haaayy. I still love her though.

Do I recommend piercing? Yes, one pair only for girls. For boys, nah.

But to those who are wondering where I got them (hehe), I’ve had my first pair of lobe since I was a child. I don’t exactly remember where I got them. My second lobe piercings are from Unisilver which used an ear gun. It was more painful compared to needle piercing. My helix piercing was done by Iggy Boy Palma, a professional tattoo and piercing artist, at Whiplash Tattoo in BF Aguirre. Popular question: Which is safer and less painful? Definitely, needle piercing. I give it a 2/10 level of pain.

3. Bleaching my Hair

It was only this December that I finally decided to give my grown pixie a new look. I had the back part trimmed and gave in to the highlights club. At first, I was troubled by how it looked like after having it bleached. IT WAS SUPER LIGHT AND BRIGHT #ManokNaDilaw (yellowish orange). I got nervous because it looked bad on me, and I do not want to be called out again for another violation. So, I had the stylist layer the color with another coating which is gray.

Many people have asked how it was done. Let me share with you how simple it was. First, the stylist tied my hair in half pony tail. The loose part (untied) was the one that got bleached and colored gray. Finally, if you put the pony down, the light dye will be covered but is partially seen which is actually the idea of the style.

Was I happy about it? SUPER. I think this hairstyle is actually cool-subtle kind of rebel. It is not loud obvious, but it shows and stands out. Thank you, Pinterest.

Do I recommend it being done in a salon? Yes! Less hassle, and the stylists know better. However, if you have been coloring your own hair for years now, I guess you could do a DIY not to mention that it will be cheaper.

4. Getting Darker

What is wrong with being dark? NOTHING. But is there something wrong? Yes, many in this country believe that those who are fairer look better. Am I angry? No, but I am sad. Ganda ko kaya, char.

This year, I was blessed to have visited Boracay with my church friend. Despite it being crowded, it was a real paradise (Kala ko nga nasa abroad ako eh puro foreigners legit). The white sand was so fine just like flour. During the trip, I did bring with me sunscreen but not to make myself not get dark but to avoid sunburn. Yes. I was super ready to dive into the sea and just get all that rays on sunshine on my skin. When going on a beach trip, getting a tan is a must. I think tan looks pretty. To cut the long story short, I got darker intentionally lol.

Why is this a risk? I believe I have never been as dark as that in the past four years. After some time, our family went to our province in Quezon. Many of our relatives were like, “Ang itim mo!” “You got dark!” (Ano pa po? Keep it coming!) Well, it’s true, but what is saddening is the facial expressions that accompanied their remarks. Am I mad? Of course, not! It is a risk I do not regret at all. I do not mind getting dark as long as I get dark while on a beach trip and not here in Manila heat.

5. A New Work Responsibility

Now is some serious talk. (Kabado me sa part na ituu) What has changed this academic year for me? First, I got new additional tasks that are more challenging. Second, I am advising both students and teachers already. Third, I’m doing OTs again.

What exactly is this that I am talking about? It’s hard to explain, but let me put it this way. I used to be just an extra in a scene. Now, I am a some sort of a minor character who is tasked to help the protagonist achieve the goal and slay the enemies.

Am I happy about the opportunity? BIG YES. Is it mostly fun doing the job? No (nako nako talaga). There are more emotional heartbreaks, mental breakdowns, and sleepless nights. I have learned things in a not so easy way like how words could mean differently to the company and to the customer and how honest and transparent I must be to our clients. There were moments when I think I knew better, and it was so difficult to submit to authority. In those times, I was able to prove again that only God will remain consistent by my side. He is my constant help and supporter who encouraged me to choose what is right rather than what is convenient.

Did this opportunity put me in a better situation? Triple yes. I admit that the journey is an uphil climb. There is absolutely zero shortcuts (hirap kung hirap mga kapatid). However, God surrounded me with people who helped me mature, be graceful under pressure, control my emotions, laugh despite the hurt, and clearly see the beauty of being a teacher.

To end this post, I would like to just praise the God Almighty for His faithfulness in our lives. Getting through the 365 days is no joke. There were nights I thought of not going to work the next day because I had so many doubts and insecurities. Fortunately, I have only had one absence because I was sick. It was an ironman race to finish 2019. There were several curves and confusing directions which stressed me so much. Even though it was exhausting and tempting to give up, God pushed me to not stop moving until the end of the race (which of course I have not reached yet).

My 2019 is not as extravagant or controversially interesting as others’, but what I can say is that in those motivating experiences that happened in my year, I have earned a bigger faith in Him.

Philippians 4:4 Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice!

v. 6 Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.

v.7 And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

[pickalilywrites]

Hi. Um. I know your requests are closed.. but I was wondering if you could write something about Hanji finding Levi actually crying after the loss of his squad and she helps him or comforts him in some way? When you open back up again I mean. If that's ok. I love fics like that. Your work is so good! Thanks!

aint got no tears left to cry so im pickin it up pickin it up lovin n livin so we turn it up yuh

I Just Want to Be With You

LeviHan. Canonverse. 

1072 words. 

Buy me a ko-fi!

Back then, Hanji didn’t understand why Levi never cried. She wondered if he had cried back then when he had lost Farlan and Isabel, the other two from the Underground that had been recruited along with him all those years ago, and if he cried back then, she wonders why he does not cry now. It may have been that Farlan and Isabel were more like family to him - they had been with him for years before they had been dragged to the surface and sent to their deaths - but it’s not as if his squad was not precious to him as well. After all, he had handpicked each soldier himself. They had worked together closely and had a connection with one another. Levi would have to be heartless to be unaffected by their deaths completely, but she had never thought of him as a cruel man. Even if he doesn’t shed a tear, she’s sure that he’s grieving in his own way.

She had seen it from the corner of her eye when he had gotten off the cart during the expedition, his leg in excruciating pain after the injury he had sustained from the Female Titan, to retrieve a badge from the corpse of one of his fallen soldiers. She remembers how carefully he had torn it from the jacket, careful not to tear across the design, and how he had tucked it away into his pocket so as not to lose it. It must have pained him in the end, she thinks, when he had given it away at the end to comfort another soldier, lying and saying that it belonged to the soldier’s friend who had died in the forest. In the end, he would return with nothing but empty graves to remember his comrades who had passed.

It must be lonely, Hanji thinks, for him to return to that empty castle. He might be used to losing people, but it’s always the hardest right after. To have people come into your life only to have them stripped away…it hurts, doesn’t it? The captain wears a mask to hide it from the others, but she had seen a glimpse of his sadness when they had returned from the expedition that day. To outsiders, he might have looked as cold and uncaring as he usually did, but she saw how his jaw clenched and his eyes looked straight ahead as Petra’s father talked to him about his daughter, oblivious to the fact that she would never be returning home. If it’s difficult for him now, then it will be even more difficult for him later when he visits the houses of the deceased to return their belongings and inform the families of their loved one’s passing. She can’t imagine what it’s like to be alone at a time like this.

It might be why she ends up at the castle in the middle of the night, riding over there despite the dark and cold. She stomps up the stairs, throwing open the door, and walks over to the dining hall because he’s more likely to be there than in his own bedroom. It’s strange when she arrives at the door and hears nothing inside - not because it’s the middle of the night but because she knows it will never be filled with the sounds of his former squad - and cautiously she steps inside. Even though she steps carefully, the heels of her boots click against the stone floor, and Levi lifts his head from where it was resting on the table.

“Hanji,” he says when he sees the scientist. He doesn’t seem angry that she’s burst into his castle in the middle of the night. It might be because he was sleeping and is too disoriented to be angry, but he looks as if he’s been wide awake for a while. “What are you doing here?”

She could tell him that she’s worried about him, but she knows he doesn’t care for that sort of talk. Instead, she plops herself beside him, resting her head on his tired shoulder. “I just wanted to be with you,” she tells him.

“What a bother,” he sighs, but he doesn’t shake her off like he usually does. He allows her head to remain on his shoulder, and he leans against her as well.

The deaths of his comrades trouble him more than she had thought because she can feel the weight of his burdens when he leans against her. Still, she does not pull away.

Hanji hadn’t realized exactly how hard it was for him until she was standing in his shoes a few months later. She hadn’t even had time to fully process the death of her squad until the day after Historia’s coronation. She had always thought that if she were in his place, she would have cried, but all she can think about is how numb she is and how difficult it will be to face the family of her former subordinates. She doesn’t even want to imagine the heartbroken cries of the parents when she brings them the bodies - heads blown to bits from bullets, that quiet expression that the dead wear that isn’t quite peaceful, or the eyes that will never open again. It would have been easier if she were the one to die instead, but it seems that she’s always one of those who are left behind. That’s painful in its own way.

“Your room is filthy,” a voice says suddenly, and she looks up to see Levi in her room, his finger wiping off a layer of dust from her bookshelf. She almost smiles at the sight of him. Almost.

“Levi, what are you doing here?”

He pauses for a moment, hovering between the bookshelf and where she sits on the bed, and finally replies, “I thought you could use some company.”

Finally, her mouth curls upward in a smile, but she buries her face in her hands. Her shoulders shake and her bottom lip quivers, but she never cries. She wants to make a joke, to return to her old self, but she knows she never can.

She feels Levi’s hand rest on her head and she leans in towards him, resting against him like she had all those months ago. It’s so nice, she thinks as she feels him share the weight of her burdens, to know that she’s not alone.