#there's one track that's been stuck in my head for 20 years

[strawberryamanita]

I wish they could find out how to salvage the last Diva Starz webisodes so badly. Even if it's just episode 5, that's literally all I wanna watch again

[dancingtotuyo]

1. mirror in the sky

Landslide | Joel Miller x Female Reader

Series Rating: Mature/Explicit

Chapter Summary: An unexpected encounter with Joel Miller jump starts a series of events right out of your wildest dreams.

Chapter Tags/Warnings: age gap (approx 13 years), past baby sitter, TV show basis, grief & loss, trauma, anxiety attack, consumption of alcohol

Notes: AHHHHHHH I'm so excited for this! I've been sitting on top of a no outbreak version of these two since before I posted the first chapter of Woman! How appropraite that I bring you the first chapter of Landslide on the first anniversary of Woman. Thank you all for all of your love and support this past year!

What?! @guiltyasdave beta read this?! I never would have guessed that! (love you xoxo)

Words: 3844

Series Masterlist | Author Masterlist

You don’t know how you make it to the Austin suburb unscathed. You shouldn’t be behind the wheel of a vehicle, muchless driving an extra 20 minutes, but you need to be home. Not your lonely, one bedroom apartment in the city- but home where mom is cooking dinner and dad is watching the football game, where dad keeps it a chilly 68 inside despite the heat. 

The tears come in silent waves on the drive over, but by the time you pull into the driveway, sobs pound at the dam, waiting for it to burst. As soon as the key pulls loose from the ignition, you stumble out of your car, almost tripping up the front stairs. You have to see your parents. It repeats on a loop in your fucking mind. Everything will be fine once you see them. You go for the door knob, but it's locked. Panic scratches at your throat. You try it again, expecting another result. The front door is never locked. 

Your palms collide with the hardwood door. “Mom! Dad!” You can’t seem to draw in satisfying breaths. Your face is drenched in tears and sweat as the panic and Texas heat work in tandem against you. 

It doesn’t cross your mind that they might not be home. Your parents are boring. They’re stuck in their habits. They’re always at home on Thursday evenings. It is Thursday, right? You lost track of time during your shift. It was never ending. 

Your palms sting. It feels like forever, but finally, the door opens. You fall forward. Hands shoot out to steady you. “Woah, there.”

That’s not your dad’s voice. It stuns you just enough to make everything in your body work for a minute. “Joel?” What’s he doing here? Where are your parents? You just want to hug your mom and snuggle on the couch with your dad like you’re 6 years old again. Did something happen to them? The panic comes back double, your body shaking this time. “Where are my parents?” The tears are blinding. “Where are they!”

“Holy shit, Sweetheart.” Joel pulls you inside the house.

You stumble over the threshold falling into him. He slams the door behind you, his arms tightening around your shoulders. “Why aren’t they home? They’re alway home.” You’re hyperventilating. You know it, but you can’t stop it. 

Before Joel can answer, your legs give out. He barely avoids tipping over and landing on top of you. Somehow, he manages to lower you both to the ground without any major damage. 

“They left for their anniversary trip today.”

Fuck, so it was Friday. You’d forgotten all about their 30th anniversary trip. You’d spent more time inside the ER than out of it the past few weeks, picking up as many shifts as possible. Trying to avoid the approaching Anniversary. The one that came just weeks after your parents’.

You try to repeat the words in your head. They’re okay. They’re halfway to Europe now. It does little to help soothe the ache in your chest. 

Joel runs his hand up and down your back. “Shhhhh, it’s okay. Everyone is okay.” He pushes back the hair that sticks to your face. Your sharp intakes of breath eventually die down to sporadic and shaky. “That’s it. Deep breaths.”

Eventually you settle, letting your head rest against the door. Your throat feels tight, your sinuses stuffy, and your chest aches. 

“Stay right here. I’ll bring you some water,” Joel says. 

He’s gone before you have the wherewithal to thank him. 

You wipe the mixture of fluids on your face away with the back of your hand: tears, sweat, snot, probably some drool. God, you must look a mess right. You eye the tissue box across the room but the thought of moving makes your brain hurt and your muscles sting. You wipe the back of your hand discreetly against the clean scrub pants you changed into before leaving work. 

Joel comes back into the room with a glass of ice water. Condensation drips down the sides teasing your drying throat. He grabs the tissue box without a second thought.  

“Here.” He sits back down on the floor with you, carefully handing you the glass of water.

You thank him, making sure the glass doesn’t slip through your fingers. The water is cool and soothing against your scratchy throat. You don’t think, tipping it back further until your worn out esophagus can’t keep up and you sputter, choking on the water. It spills from your mouth, following the lines of your throat until it dips under your neckline. 

“Woah there, slow down.” Joel takes the cup from you as you cough. “We don’t need you choking today too.” 

You can’t help the little uptick of your lips as you struggle to recover. His care and concern is sweet and- no, he’s 13 years your senior, you chide. You gave this stupid crush up last summer the morning after the Randolf’s pool party. You’d woken up and were flooded with the memories, the lines you swore you’d never cross. Thankfully, Joel was either an oblivious son of a bitch, or you were more subtle than you remember. Whichever it was, it doesn’t matter anymore. You are over Joel Miller. 

The dark green shirt that stretches around his biceps doesn’t phase you. Neither does the tool belt slung low around his hips, or the fact that you’re alone in your parents home. Your brain pulls you out of the thirsting that you are not doing, and focuses on that detail. “Joel, what are you doing in my parents’ house?”

“I’m renovatin upstairs.”

Something about that strikes a chord within you. “The 25th anniversary bathroom renovation?” You smile and Joel almost looks relieved to see you return to the version he’s used to. 

“Except it’s the bedroom now too. I think your mom called it interest.” He laughs. 

“Sounds about right.”

“Now,” he props his arms over his knees. “What are you doing here? I thought you got too good for us and moved into the city,” he teases as he nudges you softly. 

You roll your eyes, but the light squishes out when you close your eyes. The images play on repeat behind them. Your heart rate surges again, you feel your breath begin to quicken. 

Joel’s hand lands on your knee, the other cups your neck. “Hey.”

Your eyes snap open. His soft brown ones are closer than you’ve ever seen them. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’tve asked.” 

You sign rubbing the tension from your neck. “I just worked 36 hours straight.”

“Holy fuck, isn’t that illegal or something?” 

You shake your head. “Discouraged, but the ER was a madhouse, just one thing after the other. We had a big trauma come in and none of us felt like we could leave. I got a few hours sleep at the hospital before my scheduled shift started.” You’re starting to feel the come down of the past few days and your panic attack. 

Joel looks concerned, like he’s looking you over for any physical injuries. Something that would explain your panic. 

You don’t let him ask anymore questions. “We had this car accident come in- yesterday? I can’t even tell you when.” You can’t get the knot out of your neck. You groan in frustration. 

“C’mere,” Joel motions you over. “I’ll get it.”

You listen, too tired to fight it or over analyze it. His thumbs dig into your tight muscles. You catch the moan before it falls out. “A couple UT students.” 

You contemplate spilling details, but they’re covered in blood, marrying with last year’s events. You can still feel the blood soaking through your scrubs. 

Joel pauses before catching a knot in your shoulder. You gasp in pain, but it feels good too. “Shit, did I hurt you?”

“No, keep going.” You say, and he listens. “They got hit by a drunk driver.”

Joel sucks in a breath. You know he’s thinking back to last fall, the accident that turned your family’s life upside down. It’s the only thing you’ve been able to see since the call came in, so eerily similar to last year. The surrounding events. The injuries. You were working the ER when they brought Carter’s mangled and bloody body in. You watched, helpless to do anything as your friends and colleagues tried to bring him back. You listened as they declared time of death. Even now, you hear the ringing of the flatlining monitor in your ears. 

Joel pulls you into a tight hug, your arms hanging limply at your sides. The exhaustion is just too much, but you appreciate it. It helps, makes you feel less alone. “Thank you.”

“Course.” He gives you another squeeze. “Let me finish working out your back.” 

You oblige, tension melting away as his fingers work toward your spine and then downward. You’d been on your feet for the better part of 2 days, and that was the least of it. 

You let out a long, deep breath, body beginning to settle. “Where’d you learn to do this?” You lean into his hands to increase the pressure. 

“Got real good at ’em when Pam was pregnant with Sarah.” You’re not sure you’ve ever heard Joel mention his estranged ex-wife so casually. 

“God, can’t imagine what would possess a woman to leave hands like yours.” The words slip out before you even have a chance to think through the implications of everything you just said. 

His hands stop moving, palms flat against your lower back. Heat rises to your cheeks in mortification. “Shit, Joel. I’m sorry. Obviously that’s not even an actual reason to stay. Like you have Sarah and that’s an actual reason and I can’t-“ Laughter cuts off the words cascading from your lips. 

You turn around to find Joel leaned back, his chest shaking as laughter comes from his belly, filling your parents' quiet home. You swear you even see a tear or two come from his eyes. One thing is for certain, Joel Miller is not stressed right now and he certainly wasn’t bothered by your comment. Quite the opposite actually. 

It’s contagious as the smile passes over your face. Your chest begins to shake. Mostly, you’re enjoying this rare sight. His crows’ feet crinkle at the corner of his eyes. Your heart skips a beat but you rein it in. 

Joel wipes the side of his eyes. “Pretty sure I was supposed to make you feel better.”. 

“You did.” 

“Glad to hear it.” He groans as he rises to his feet. “I’m getting too old to sit on the floor like that.” 

He offers his hand. You take it and he pulls you to your feet. “Thank you, Joel.”

He nods. “I need to get back to work. I told Sarah I’d be home by 6 tonight.” 

“What time is it?” 

Joel looks down at his watch. You took Sarah into the city last fall to get it fixed for his birthday. “Just past four.” 

You stare up the steps, contemplating staying in your childhood bedroom tonight. You don’t have the energy to make the 20 minute drive home. Your energy is draining by the second. 

“You need sleep, and probably a shower.”

“Showered at work.” The stairs look like Mount Everest to your weary bones. “Think I'll crash on the couch.”

Joel sees it. “You’d still have clothes here?”

“There’s a set of pajamas I left at Christmas in my old room.”

“I’ll get them for you.”

“Room with-“

“The pink walls.” He chuckles, stomping up the stairs. Guess it was obvious seeing as you’re the only girl. 

You’re standing in the exact spot he left you in when Joel gets back. Your sleep shorts, and thin top in his hands. “Thanks.”

“No problem, and if you need anything while you’re here, just come over. Sarah and I will be home all weekend. I’m sure she’d love to see you.”

“Thanks. Maybe I’ll stop by at some point. I’d love to see her too.”

You hadn’t seen Sarah since her soccer tournament this spring. You’d lived with your parents for almost a year after graduation before moving into the city to work at the only Level 1 trauma center in the area. 

Joel nods then stomps back up the steps. You change in the bathroom before folding into your parents' oversized sectional. It smells like comfort and all things nice. You can hear Joel working in your parents’ space upstairs, but it quickly fades as the darkness takes over. 

You wake up disoriented, not sure where you are. It’s completely dark around you, but you pull at little threads as they’re given. You’re definitely not in your bed. You can’t hear the city noises below your apartment. You sit up only to be greeted with a splitting headache. You’re in your parents' home. Everything comes filtering back through your brain. You shudder. You don’t want to think about it. 

You shove the blanket off your legs in a pursuit of water and advil. You don’t remember pulling a blanket over yourself, but quite frankly, you could’ve done anything in your sleep deprived state. The water dissolves the cotton in your mouth, but does little to dull the aching in your skull. You’ll have to wait for the drugs to kick in for that. The stove clock says it’s 2 am. 

You wander back to the couch, but the moment you lay down, the restlessness sets in. You toss and turn but your body says no. Finally, your headache has reduced to a dull ache, barely noticeable in the grand scheme of things. 

You know you need more sleep. You should probably sleep for 24 hours straight after the shift you just had, but you sit up again, brushing your hair out of your face. This is ridiculous. Your sleep schedule is already fucked up enough as is. Maybe you should start working the night shift. 

You pace through the dark house. You know the layout like the back of your hand. Your mother hasn’t so much as moved the furniture since you moved into this house when you were 6. 

You step out on the porch for air. It’s cooled down some. You contemplate driving home, but the peacefulness of the neighborhood is comforting. You can almost ignore the ache in your chest, pretend your brother is still alive. 

Across the street, you catch Joel’s TV playing some corny action movie through his big living room windows. You catch the outline of his head, the rehearsed movement of bringing a bottle to one’s lips. He’s not asleep.  

Your heart beats a little heavier in your chest. He had said to come over if you needed anything.  Right now, you need company. It might be the lack of sleep, but your bare feet hit the asphalt without a second thought as you cross the street. Your brain doesn’t even register what you’re doing until you knock on the door. 

You contemplate running away. Who doesn’t love a good game of ding dong ditch? You certainly did in your heyday. Why not relive the glory days when you ran this street?

The door opens pushing away all of the swirling thoughts in your mind. The cicadas play white noise in the background leaving your sole focus on Joel’s concerned brown eyes and your raging pulse. 

“You okay?” 

“I just- I saw your TV on. I woke up and couldn’t get back to sleep.” 

He gives you a soft smile, stepping aside. “Come on in.”

You exhale almost in relief, stepping across the familiar threshold. Part of you eases, but another tightens up. You’ve spent so many hours in this house, many late nights here, but never with Joel, with him watching you with such concern. Heat flares up your neck. 

“Can I get you anything? A snack? A drink?”

“It’s two a.m.”

“You’re the one who knocked on my door.” Joel teases.

“You told me to come over if I needed anything.”

“So what do you need?” The hour of the night scratches at his voice, sending a charge through the air. 

Your eyes snap up to his, knowing he didn’t mean anything by it other than to be kind, but it doesn’t help the way your skin prickles. You swallow down the lump that forms in your throat. “Company.” Joel smiles at you. Your eyes dart down to his lips. “And some water, please.”

“Coming right up.” He turns for the kitchen before you can do anything foolish. 

You rub your eyes, hoping to clear your head. Stupid, Stupid, Stupid, it runs through our mind. Your inhibitions are lowered after the high flying emotions of the day. You can’t fall into his arms. They’re not open for you, not like that. 

You settle into the corner of the couch, pulling your knees to you chest as the familiar smell envelops you. A cheesy action movie plays lowly on the tv. Joel isn’t too far behind, passing off a glass of water as he eases onto the middle of the couch, arms spread across the back of the sofa. He doesn’t say anything, returning his attention to the tv. You appreciate that he doesn’t ask too many questions. He’s just letting you be. 

You attempt to watch the movie, but it’s bad, almost endearingly bad, but Joel seems to enjoy it. He’s the thing holding your attention. Joel is a good distraction. You’ve never gotten the chance to admire his profile in this way, this close, this undisturbed. If Joel catches on to your staring, he doesn’t let on. He lets you study. 

At some point, your mind takes over again, reminding you of the brother you no longer have, of the deep cavern in your soul. It doesn’t pour out of you like it did earlier with the fury of a hurricane. This is more like a peaceful stream, tears silently gathering in your eyes, falling with little fanfare. 

Joel’s hand falls to your knee, squeezing it softly. It’s the only acknowledgement from him, but it’s what you need. Long after your tears are gone, Joel’s hand stays, his fingers tracing absentminded patterns against the inside of your leg. 

Some line makes Joel chuckle as he shifts further into the couch. Your legs have fallen out in front of you, one brushing his thigh. You’re not sure you’ve ever been this close to him, unless you count last summer when you got drunk at the Randolf’s party. Embarassment floods your system, making you withdraw your legs slightly. 

Joel’s brow furrows, head turning to you. “Everything okay?”

“Yeah, yeah,” you nod, not sure you’re convincing. “I’m just shifting.”

He gives you a once over from top to bottom. Your stomach dips. You know he means nothing by it, but your body doesn’t get the memo. As if to make matters worse, Joel slings his arm back over both your legs, pulling them over his lap. It tugs you closer, pressing more of you against him. Nothing about it is inherently sexual, but your body is on fire. 

You can smell him. The mixture of fading old spice and the ever present smell of dirt that has seared itself to him. You can’t take your eyes off his profile now. You’re close enough to count his eye lashes if you wanted to. In all your life, you never though you would be this close to him, with his hands on you. 

It’s not like that. It’s not like that, you repeat in your head because it’s not. Joel would never look at you like that. He’s too good of a guy. He’s just showing you comfort, but you can’t stop looking at him. The temptation to make a move so close, it’s hard to ignore. It’s not like that.

It’s like your brain is running a million miles a second, taking Joel in, his proximity, while clinging tightly to the thread of self control that keeps you from closing the gap.

Then he’s looking at you and he’s so close. Lights from the tv flicker off his brown eyes, drawing you in further. It wouldn’t take much effort to press your lips to his. Before you can stop yourself, years of college party instincts take over and you kiss him. You kiss Joel Miller. 

It’s a soft, lingering kiss, and then your mind forces you to withdraw. Joel sits still as a statue. He didn’t really kiss you back, but he didn’t push you away, and then it all comes crashing down. This isn’t some fucking frat party. He’s not a peer. This is Joel Miller. You spring to your feet. 

“Shit- fuck, Joel. I’m so sorry. I don’t know what I was thinking.” Your hands tangle in your hair. “I should go.”

“Hey, it’s okay.” Joel stands. His hand cups your elbow, head stooping to be at eye level with yours. Tears shine in your eyes again. 

“It’s not actually.” You pinch the bridge of your nose, desperate to stop them. You’re not sure you can handle more tears right now. 

“Sweetheart, I promise. It’s not a big deal. You’re goin through a lot.” 

Your shoulders drop with relief. “Thank you.”

“No problem.” He smiles. “You’re welcome to stay here tonight if you don’t want to be alone. I’ll take the couch.” 

And you want to say yes so badly. It sits on the tip of your tongue. You imagine what it would be like to curl up under his sheets, be immersed in him, but you swallow the quick response down. “Thanks, but I’ll be okay at home.” 

Joel nods. You think you catch some relief in his eyes. He probably wasn’t looking forward to sleeping on the couch. He scratches the back of his neck. 

“I don’t know how long you’re planning to hang around, but you’re welcome to join us for breakfast tomorrow. Sarah usually makes pancakes on Saturdays. I’m not a huge pancake person, but she loves it.”

You decide at that moment Joel Miller is a saint. You just made a fool of yourself. He shouldn’t want to see you again, let you around his kid, but he invites you over for breakfast, offers up his bed. 

“I’ll think about it.” You walk to the door. “Thanks. For everything.” You mean it too. 

“Of course. It’s what neighbors are for.”

You laugh. “Pretty sure this goes past the moral obligations of being neighbors.”

Joel shrugs. “You’ve been the one steady female influence in Sarah’s life. Pretty sure it goes past the moral obligations of being a babysitter.”’

A smile ghosts over your lips. “Goodnight, Joel.”

You open the front door. The wood of the front porch is still warm against your bare feet. Joel leans against the door frame. “Night, Sweetheart.” 

You wave, dashing across the street. You know you’re imagining it when you feel Joel watching you until your parents front door is shut behind your back, but you never hear his front door close. 

Taglist: @pedrotonin @amyispxnk @joeldjarin @ilovepedro @justagalwhowrites

@missladym1981 @jessthebaker @annieispunk @ashleyfilm @moel-jiller

@eloquentdreamer @lizzie-cakes @hiroikegawa

I carried over the taglist from Woman. If you were tagged and no longer want to be, please let me know! If you would like to be added to the taglist, please let me know!

[comic-book-jawns]

Ripples

“Aunt Lena!”

Alex would be the first to admit that she could have reacted poorly to her 12-year-old daughter asking if her godmother could chaperone the sixth grade field trip to the Smithsonian’s first West Coast expansion — the Museum of Magic, which she had already visited with Lena the day it opened — when Alex had gone to sign the permission slip.

And that she probably would have if her wife hadn’t preemptively swooped in, telling Esme — but really Alex — that of course she could ask whoever she wanted.

Alex had snorted to herself at the idea of Esme needing to ask. But fortunately, the preteen had already been slipping off the kitchen stool and whipping out her phone with a giddy “thanks,” so Alex had needed only to contend with Kelly’s sympathetic disappointment.

Now, two months later, the former director of the Deparment of Extranormal Operations, literally stopped in her tracks at the sight of a horde of middle schoolers, maybe half the class, beaming and cheering in unison at 6 a.m.

At least a dozen even rushed at the former CEO, taking turns giving her quick hugs, which Lena accepted with a small, but exceedingly warm, smile and faint blush.

“Ms. Smith, I think it’s time we got on the bus. Now that our guest of honor has arrived?”

Kelsey Rudd.

Despite Kelly’s cautionings, back when Esme was starting kindergarten, about not rushing to judge other parents… Alex’s rushed judgment had been correct.

Kelsey Rudd was a stuck-up bitch.

So far Alex had held her tongue, though, because Gianna Rudd had been Esme’s best friend since kindergarten. Naturally, Alex had laughed at the irony for years. Until Kelly had asked her to consider that Gianna, who was truly a very sweet girl, might not be so close to Esme solely because of Esme.

Alex had assumed her wife meant that Gianna appreciated the opportunity that playdates or hang-outs, as she was now supposed to call them, afforded her to not spend as much time at home — which she had not, to her shame, considered.

Watching Gianna meekly shuffle out of Lena’s embrace, however — as Lena tensed and stepped back simultaneously — Alex felt even more humbled.

And next thing she knew she was ruining her day.

“Hey, Ms. Smith. Need any more chaperones?”

“Actually, yeah! A couple just called out, so that would be amazing.”

Alex couldn’t tell if the clipboard-clad twenty-something was more relieved at the extra help or the excuse to step away from Kelsey… who promptly slung her arm around Alex like they were old sorority sisters.

“Any chance you got a flask in that jacket?”

——

After they stepped off the bus 12 hours later, and Kelsey offered her a parting air cheek kiss and promise to catch up again soon, Alex swore her ears were still ringing.

She knew that it had been worth it, though.

Even before she’d ushered Kelsey into a seat at the front of the bus this morning and glanced at the back to find Esme already watching her with a grateful smile.

Even before Esme and Lena finally said their goodbyes to the fan club and made it over to where she was waiting by the car and her daughter hugged her extra tight before sliding into the backseat.

“How’s the headache?”

Alex could haven’t stifled the bark of laughter if she’d tried at her sister-in-law’s dry greeting. With how sappy Lena got around Kara, Alex sometimes forgot how similar she and Lena actually were.

“I’ll live. I feel like I should be asking you, though. I had one adult talking my ear off. Not 20 tweens.”

Up close, the younger woman’s blush was quite prominent as she chuckled… or tried to.

“Lena?”

Alex stepped closer on instinct, lightly gripping her elbows, as she knew Lena found grounding.

“Thank you, Alex.”

Alex was already shaking her head, her gut twisting guilty, but apparently Lena wasn’t finished.

“I don’t know if it’s just the hormones talking, but I - I think this was one of the best days of my life.”

Alex had never stood in the way of Esme spending time with her godmother. Obviously.

Though she also, obviously, couldn’t have said before today that she realized the impact giving her blessing for Lena to volunteer at Esme’s school and occasionally asking if Lena was available to supervise Esme’s playdates over the years had had.

On her daughter’s classmates, let alone on her sister-in-law.

“Imagine if they knew you were a witch. They wouldn’t have given a shit about the museum.”

Lena laughed brightly, the way usually only Kara could make her, and Alex felt a hint of pride… until her brain stalled out.

“Wait, hormones?”

Lena slowly smiled, as widely as a wobbly chin would allow, and Alex immediately felt tears spring to her own eyes.

“Kara doesn’t know yet. I wanted to tell you first since you’re the one who made it possi—”

“I call godmother!”

As Alex flung her arms around Lena, she was perfectly positioned to watch Esme accidentally, and quite forcefully, fling her phone against the car window.

[honeykyeom]

white noise / track 3: ghosts (teaser)

pairing: lee seokmin x afab! reader

series summary: your best friend seokmin has always been there for you. after a particularly rough heartbreak, you find out he's there for you in more ways than just one.

series notes: uni!au, best friends to lovers, friends with benefits, kpop 97 line antics and shenanigans (specifically seventeen & loona), 18+ (smut is outlined/warned beforehand)

teaser notes: suggestive kinda but no smut, seokmin is a SIMP, two idiots being idiots tbh and there's absolutely no way this could go wrong!!

teaser wc: ~900 words

a/n: heeey...... hey... how ya'll doin? yeah i never thought i would be far enough into writing that i could ACTUALLY post a teaser for the next track.. shoutout to my accountability buddy @smileysuh, ur the best babe. wouldn't want anyone else to cheer for my maybe 800 words a day lol. also congrats to @bitchlessdino my bb i can't wait to see you walk down the aisle so take this lil treat as a token of my love ♡ also pspspspsps @onlyseokmins (love u wife)

If you had told Seokmin that he would be in the position that he’s currently in, he’d think you’re full of shit.

But here he was, sinking into your sectional as you grind on his lap and making his head spin with the ease in which you pull at his roots. Seokmin keeps telling himself it’s a fantasy, one of his many recurring dreams where he’s finally with you, the person he’s been in love with for the past two years. He repeats it like a mantra, to will himself it’s all in his head until it’s something he can no longer deny when a moan leaves your lips, sounding more ethereal than any dream he’s ever had.

Seokmin’s lips slot between yours perfectly, his tongue gracing your bottom lip. Your mewls ring like bells in his ears, sweet and inviting–he can’t help but smile into your kiss. He’s determined to continue hearing your noises, his nerves firing against every logical thought in his brain.

The kitchen counter of your humble apartment is littered with chips, stray alcohol & red solo cups. Neither of you pay it any mind though, too preoccupied with the present moment as Seokmin’s hands graze your lower back and you straddle his hips, your bodies sinking further into the soft fabric of your sectional. 

Seokmin’s lips chase yours when you pull away from him, not wanting to lose your warmth. He’s completely dazed as you view him from above, eyes glazed over in lust and desire. You giggle, bringing your hand to his chin and supporting his head to keep his eyes on you. 

“Are you still with me, baby?” 

He blacks out at the pet name–his brain short-circuiting at the way your breath warms his skin as you speak, only getting enough energy to respond with a soft yes as Seokmin watches you smile at him.

It’s baffling how you have him under your spell and you’re oblivious to that fact. 

Seokmin slowly comes down from his high of the past 20 minutes–registering the words that you’re speaking to him.

“We need to talk.”

“About?”

“This…” you take a pause, your thumb caressing the soft skin of his chin as you focus on the oceans of brown in Seokmin’s eyes before you continue. “Us.”

Seokmin quickly sobers up, his hands removing themselves from your waist but laying purchase on your thighs. He tries his hardest to keep his composure–you’ve always been able to read him like a book, better than anyone else in his life. You were able to capture every tell with ease, down to a small eye twitch or throat itch. Knowing this, he finds it hard to believe you’re unaware of his feelings for you–the immediate red shade of his ears appearing when he’s in your presence.

‘Breathe’, he tells himself. He does just that before focusing back to the present moment, with you, instead of stuck in his own thoughts.

“Okay. What about us?”

“We need to establish some ground rules.” You take a quick pause, brief, but enough for Seokmin to notice the small drop of sweat growing on the tip of your eyebrow. “Just so we’re on the same page.”

“Ok then. Rule number 1?”

“This stays between us. Can’t tell the rest of the group.”

“Ok… Seems fair enough.. Rule 2?”

“No unusual PDA.”

Seokmin retorts with a small pout, “So I can’t hold your hand in public anymore?”

You bring a soft smile to your face, slightly giggling at the sincerity in his tone. Running your hand through his hair, you respond, “No, that’s not what I meant! We just don’t want to give ourselves away. So, hand holding between friends is okay.” Leaning closer into Seokmin, he’s suddenly falling into the swirls of color in your eyes and into a trance when your voice gets quieter as you speak. “But kissing,” you punctuate your statement by connecting your lips to his. Seokmin has to swallow a moan as he gets lost in you, pulling you closer and molding your body to his. His hands come to grasp at each side of your face, gentle yet desperate to keep you two moving in unison. 

His efforts were futile, though, as you pull away from him with a smirk, leaving him with the inability to catch his breath. “Isn’t allowed.”

Seokmin is only left able to stare at you, his hands feeling clammy as they still rest on your cheeks. His thumb brushes across your face, his own body heat making your skin hot to the touch. All he can do is chuckle, shaking his head at the predicament he’s found himself in before he’s looking back at you. “Okay. Fine. Is that it?”

“One last rule. No seeing other people without us talking about it first.”

‘Easy,’ Seokmin thinks, but he still has to play it cool.

Raising his eyebrows, a playful tone enters his voice as Seokmin asks, “So, we’re exclusive fuck buddies now?”

You roll your eyes. “Not exactly. It’s more of a safety thing, you know?”

“Yeah, I’ll pretend that you aren’t just keeping your jealousy in check.”

“Do we have a deal or not, Lee?”

You present your pinky finger in between you, a lighthearted ritual that holds the weight of the future of your relationship with Seokmin. It seems too lax for such a situation, but he knows this is as important to you as it is to him with the small appendage in front of him.

“Fine. Deal.”

hehe <3

[bobfloydsbabe]

gold rush | eccentric professor!bob floyd x oc

SUMMARY: Everyone knows history professor Bob Floyd is a little eccentric. He only drinks tea steeped for exactly four minutes, his desk is pristine while the rest of his office looks like a bomb went off, he's distrustful of technology, and he definitely doesn't want or need a teaching assistant. Certainly not one who's as aggravating as she is pretty...

WARNINGS: academia au, enemies to lovers (if you squint), age gap (mid-to-late 20s/late 30s), bob being grumpy and rude. strictly 18+/minors dni.

WORD COUNT: ~0.5k

A/N: Eccentric Professor Bob Floyd has been on my mind constantly for the last week, so here we are with a moodboard and a short blurb. This AU will not be a full length series, but a collection of blurbs and drabbles. Special thanks to @ryebecca for raving with me about my new favorite grumpy man. Don't hesitate to send me questions and headcanons!

UPDATE: ADD YOURSELF TO THE TAGLIST

Bob stops dead in his tracks in the doorway to his office, hot tea spilling over the edges of the cup.

Inside, among piles of books and paper, stands a woman with her back turned none the wiser to his presence. She can’t be one of his students–they know not to come to his office unless they have an appointment.

“Who are you?” he asks, not bothered with pleasantries.

She turns around with a startled laugh. “Dr. Floyd, you scared me,” she says with a hand pressed to her heaving chest. “You can’t sneak up on people like that.”

“You’re in my office,” he points out, brushing past her as he walks to his desk in long strides, placing his cup on a coaster to protect the wood.

“Right,” she agrees.

He sits and pulls his books closer to continue preparing for his next lecture, but his eyes drifts back to the young woman. She appears to be in her mid, maybe late twenties. Dark hair falls in loose waves around her face, and she’s looking at him expectantly. “Did you need something?” he asks.

She cocks her head to the side, brows furrowed. “I’m waiting for you to put me to work.”

“Work?”

“Yes,” she answers, incredulous. “What did your old TA do?”

He stares at her, almost convinced he’s hallucinating. “I don’t have a teaching assistant.”

She smiles at him, wide and enthusiastic. “Well, you do now. Would you like me to clean up a bit? It’s a little messy in here.”

Bob suppresses a frustrated groan. Pushing back from his desk, he stands and rounds his desk, stopping in front of her. The scent of her perfume hits his nostrils, something spicy and vaguely floral, and this close, he can see all the colors in her eyes. “I don’t want a TA and I certainly don’t need one. Whoever hired you–”

“Dr. Kazansky,” she interjects. “–made an error. Now, please, leave.”

Walking back around his desk, he ignores the sound of her taking a deep breath and composing herself. She doesn’t speak until he’s fully sat and emerged in his books again.

“You may not want me here, Dr. Floyd,” she begins through clenched teeth, forcing him to look up. She holds his gaze, determination and a hint of defiance in those dark doe eyes. “But you’re stuck with me. So, I’ll be back tomorrow and we can start over. Have a good day.”

The door slams and Bob’s left in the silence of his office, staring at the spot where she stood mere moments ago. Of course, Dr. Kazansky went behind his back to hire a teaching assistant–he’s insisted that Bob needs one for years, but Bob’s always been able to avoid it. Until now, it seems. He wonders how long she’ll last before she realizes he’s too set in his ways to change. But as he imagines the way her nose will scrunch in annoyance, it occurs to him he never even got her name.

likes are nice, comments and reblogs are golden

TAGLIST: @blue-aconite, @sylviebell, @wkndwlff, @ryebecca, @sebsxphia, @rhettabbotts, @lewmagoo, @ereardon, @anniesocsandgeneralstore, @desert-fern, @fantasias-creativebubble, @lostinwonderland314, @luckyladycreator2, @cherrycola27, @flashyourgreeneyesatme, @atarmychick007, @yanna-banana, @fandom-princess-forevermore, @gizmodear, @hangmanapologist, @thedroneranger, @soulmates8, @withakindheartx, @eternallyvenus, @kmc1989, @bcarolinablr, @memeorydotcom, @dempy, @withahappyrefrain, @bradshawsbitch, @daisiesandinvasives, @teacupsandtopgun, @laracrofted

[cosyvelvetorchid]

Bucktommy (any rating): Orchids

This was a lovely one to write, thank you 🩶

***

The day had finally arrived. After weeks of slowly packing up his things in between his shifts, Buck was finally moving in with Tommy.

There wasn’t really all that much to move in on the day - Buck had been taking a couple of boxes of stuff over to Tommys every time he stayed over, so all that was left was the the remainder of his kitchen equipment, toiletries and the washer and dryer which were far newer than Tommys who had agreed to donate his own machines to make room for Bucks.

In the two weeks of preparation Tommy himself had taken the opportunity to clear out some of his possessions and get rid of some junk. Mostly books he’d long since read and random tools and car parts.

Buck flopped down on the sofa next to Tommy with a grunt. Tommy wrapped his arm around his neck pulling Bucks temple to his lips for a kiss.

“You okay, baby?” He asked. Buck slid his hands around Tommy waist.

“Tired. But happy.” He hummed into Tommys chest. Tommy replied with a kiss to the top of his head.

“Not regretting moving in?” He teased.

Buck placed a hand on Tommys chest for leverage to push himself up to meet Tommys eyes. “Not in a million years.” He grinned.

“Good.” Tommy leaned in for a soft kiss to his lips. Buck settled back down onto Tommys chest. After a few moments he noticed a large black book on the coffee table.

“What’s that?” He asked through a yawn.

“Oh, I wanted to show you.” Tommy said excitedly leaning forward to grab it. “I found it when I was clearing out stuff for your impending arrival.” He placed it on his lap and Buck sat up a little so look. “It’s a photo album that belonged to my grandmother.”

He opened it up and slowly flipped the pages. She really was quite beautiful when she was younger and Buck could see the family resemblance in the eyes and the signature smile lines.

“How old were you when she died?”

“Uh, 20.”

“Tell me about her.” Buck said resting his head on Tommy shoulder.

“She was so much fun. Eccentric at times. A little impulsive. You remind me of her sometimes, ya know.”

“Yeah?” The thought made Buck feel warm inside.

“Yeah. God, she would have loved you. She loved shenanigans and she definitely wouldn’t have had a hard time roping you in on them.” He laughed fondly. “She was always smiling and happy. I can’t ever remember being mad at anyone or any thing.” He flipped the page to a slightly browning and dog eared photograph of her standing next to a table, on top of which was a tall orchid with a “1st prize” rosette stuck to it.

“That was her favourite hobby - growing orchids. She won so many competitions at flower shows. She probably spent more money than she won as prizes but she loved it so much.”

“I wish I could have met her.” Buck said softly.

“Me too.”

**

A week later and Buck was entirely unpacked in his new home. He came off a 48 hour shift a few hours before Tommys 24 ended. He’d tried to stay awake for him coming home but minutes after he’d sat on their sofa his slid down and fell asleep.

Tommy arrived home and kicked off his shoes and dropped his bag by the door. “Hey baby.” He called out. “Baby?” He repeated when he got no response. He walked along the hall and peered into the living room and his heart melted at the sight.

Buck, his hands tucked in underneath his chin as he lay soundly asleep sprawled along the sofa. Tommy quietly walked in the room and slowly pulled the crocheted blanket from the back of the sofa and gently draped it over him. He placed a delicate kiss onto his head and left the room for the kitchen.

As he entered the room he stopped dead in his tracks. On the centre of the kitchen island was a white ceramic plant pot with a beautiful bright blue orchid planted inside. He felt a rush of warmth fill every crevice in his body at the thoughtfulness of his boyfriend.

There was a time in his life not too far in the past when he didn’t think he’d ever find someone special, let alone someone as thoughtful and attentive as Evan. He smiled as a tear escaped his eye and snaked its way down his cheek.

He walked over and tentatively ran his finger along one of the petals.

“Do you like it?” A groggy voice came from behind him. He turned his head to see Buck, eyes slightly scrunched with sleep and hair disheveled. He fell in love with him just a little bit more right there.

He walked straight over to him, one hand grabbed around Bucks waist and the other the back of his neck and pulled him in for a firm kiss. Buck hummed in response and Tommys heart flipped in his chest.

“I love you.” He whispered releasing the kiss and resting their foreheads together.

Buck smiled happily “I love you, too.” He said. “And I hope your grandma taught you some shit because I have no idea how to keep this bad boy alive.” Tommy’s head leant back as he let out a loud laugh.

“I’m sure we can figure it out.”

[strangersteddierthings]

What's Eight Plus Seven?

Part One🦇Part Two🦇Part Three🦇Part Four🦇Part Five

Pizza order successfully placed, Steve dials Robin's number next. He doesn't need to talk long, just... hear her voice. Maybe get some verbal support.

"Buckley residence."

"Thank God it's you," Steve sighs in relief to hear Robin's voice on the other end. There was a little bit of dread that her mom might have answered and then he'd be stuck on the phone while she tried to chat with him.

"Whoa. Was hosting the nerdfest that bad?" Robin asks, laughter in her voice.

"Uhh," Steve starts, because he's eloquent like that.

"Oh no. Was is that bad? What happened?"

He feels a flood of warmth for Robin's immediate concern. "No, no, nerdfest was fine. I, uhh, mostly I'm calling because Eddie and I are gonna, like, hang out and talk and I just- I dunno. Wanted to hear your voice, first."

"Oh. Really? Well. Here's my voice. This is you hearing it."

He laughs at that. "Thanks. It's just, I think it's gonna be, like, a bathroom floor kind of conversation, except in my living room on a couch."

"Oh! I can be there in ten if you need me."

"Nah. This is just- me needing to hear your voice, and also a warning that I might have to crawl through your window and fall apart on your bed later. Just don't know how this is going to go."

"I'm here if you need me. Are you going to talk about Freshman First Day?"

"We, uhh, already did. Mostly. There's been apologies and now we're gonna talk. Get to know each other. Play 20 questions, I guess."

Robin laughs at that. "Alright. Ask him if he's ever going to get me the sandwich he owes me from back in November."

"What?"

"You know, his whole cafeteria speech thing? Stepped right on my ham and cheese. It did make him slip and almost brain himself, and he did apologize. Told me he owed me a new sandwich. I never got it. Ask for me."

"We'll see. Okay, I'm going to go but, thank you. Love you."

"Love you, too. Window will be ajar."

Steve hangs up, then opens the fridge. He debates grabbing them beers but opts for soda. Back in the living room Steve finds Eddie sitting like a normal person on the couch, one leg bouncing relentlessly. Even with his superficial knowledge of Eddie, he can tell he's nervous. Not nervous Eddie would be perched on the back of his couch, ruining the cushions with whatever junk is on the bottom of his shoes. Probably.

"Soda?" Steve offers, plopping himself on the other end of the couch, hand outstretched for Eddie to take the beverage.

"Thanks." The bouncing of Eddie's leg pauses for a moment while he's opening and chugging half the can in one swift motion, then the bouncing starts again.

"Hey, man, relax. You didn't seem nearly as nervous when you were trying to sneakily hang out earlier."

Eddie lets out a big sigh. "Yeah, well, I didn't know you hated me then."

"I don't hate you."

"Oh, shit, no. Not what- I meant, like, past tense. Hated as in, used to hate. Not present tense."

"Ah. Well, I don't think I 'hated as in used to hate' past, like, three months into my freshman year. This is going to be the most self-absorbed shit ever, but, like, once I became popular, I couldn't be bothered to hate you. Didn't have the time to put towards that."

"Oh, of that I've no doubt. That was absolutely the read everyone who tried to interact with you got."

Steve ducks his head to hide his own embarrassment by fiddling with the can in his hands. "I thought you wanted to do, like, 20 questions or something."

"Oh. Serious? You'll do it?"

"Yeah."

"Right then. What even are the rules for 20 questions? Is it 20 questions each, or in total asked?"

"I dunno, man. I don't think people actually keep track. I think we just ask questions until we're done with talking. I guess the rules are don't lie, and if you don't want to answer a question, then don't. Pass on it, or whatever."

Eddie nods but he's still nervous, leg still bouncing. A look on his face so close to fear it makes Steve ache a little. He knows too well what far looks like on Eddie, experienced a week's worth of it.

Steve can start. Ease them into this. "Do you got a favorite color?"

Eddie shifts then. Turns sideways on the couch to lean against the armrest and face him. "Wait. One more rule. No mocking answers. You may laugh once at an answer."

"If you are about to tell me it's hot pink, I cannot follow that rule."

"It's not hot pink. Jesus. It's, uhh, brown, actually," Eddie says, rolling his can between his hands. "It used to be red but. I dunno. When I think of red, now, I think of the sky in the upside down and how that was almost the last thing I ever saw. I think of blood, and bleeding out."

And here he thought he was easing them into this with the most basic of questions. Eddie's already being vulnerable. "Follow up question, if you'll allow it. Why brown?"

"What's wrong with brown?"

"Nothing. Just thought you'd pick black or something," Steve gestures to all of Eddie.

At that, Eddie looks down at his mostly black outfit, the only part of it with any color is the DIO album art on his shirt, then back up. "Fair point. I guess brown just makes me think of home. The wooden porch, the paneling, brown dirt road that leads to the trailer. It's also, like, a good eye color. Exhibit A," He waves his hand in front of his face, batting his eyes exaggeratedly. It pulls a laugh from Steve.

"I can't argue that," Steve waves towards his face, where his own eyes have been described by many a girl as ranging from hazel to honey, but Steve just thinks of them as brown. "Your turn, man."

"You, tragically, had never heard of Ozzy before we met. What's your music of choice, and why is it the Top 40?"

"Like everybody didn't hear you singing along to I Wanna Dance With Somebody last week when it came on the radio at the Byers' Barbecue-"

"Whitney is a national treasure and I will not be slandered for knowing the words to any of her songs."

"Yeah, yeah. I guess it was just the Top 40, but really I don't have a preference. I just let other people pick the music. And, uhh, with the multiple concussions I don't listen to as much music as I used to. The migraines are brutal. It's never the music that brings on the migraine but like, it never helps, y'know?"

Eddie is nodding. "I do know. Like when you get sick and vomit, you avoid the last thing you ate, even when it turns out to be the flu and not food poisoning. Like, you know it wasn't the mango milkshake that made you throw up, but you avoid the mango flavor anyway."

There's definitely a full story in that somewhere. Maybe Steve will ask about it later. "Kinda? I don't avoid music but I don't think I've put a record or cassette in the player in months. Anyway, my turn. How'd you learn to play the guitar?"

"Wayne. He started teaching me before I live with him. Just a few chords when we'd visit every so often when I was little. Really got to learn after he took me in. I was eleven, if memory serves."

"Am I allowed to ask about your parents?" Steve interrupts.

"Yeah. Speaking of parents," Eddie's nervous again, bouncing his leg.

"It's your turn. Ask."

"I know the high school reputation. Big house, no parents. I might have even snuck over a few times to sale here when I knew a party was happening. Rich kids will pay whatever price you name, y'know? So, guess the actual question is, what's the deal there, with your parents?"

Steve would laugh except he has no memory of ever seeing Eddie at his house prior to all the fuckery that's gone down. He was too in his own head to bother with other people back then. And the real kicker? He probably bought from Eddie, at his own house, with his supposed grudge and all. God, he was such a dick. "Yeah. Lots of business trips, for them. The used to ship me off to spend a month with my grandparents when I was little, so they could take those trips. Guess once I was old enough to watch after myself, those trips started to happen whenever, instead of just over summer."

"What, they left you here alone as a kid? Even during the school year?"

Eddie sounds so scandalized it'd be funny if it wasn't so sad. Steve says, "I wouldn't say kid. I was fourteen, so, like, a teenager. But, yeah, gone a lot. More and more with each passing year. I mean, they've been back, but like, for a day or two. Mom switching out what jewelry she wanted and dad bit by bit emptying his office." He pauses with a frown, remembering now the last time he did see his parents face to face. "It was about halfway through senior year. The last time they were here. They didn't even come to my graduation."

Eddie sucks in a breath and Steve can visibly see him hold back some choice words.

"Anyway, long sob story short, I'm still just a rich kid with absent parents. They don't charge me rent or anything, but I pay to keep the lights on."

"That just adds so many more questions to my list."

"Well, it's my turn now, so. What got you into Dungeons and Dragons?"

Eddie looks surprised, and then guilty. "I've always liked fantasy. And, uhh, my Freshman First Day, the DnD booth was set up in the cafeteria, an okayish looking dragon drawn on the poster taped to the booth's edge. And, uh, I approached..."

"No one told you to fuck off?"

"I didn't tell you to fuck off."

"Might've hurt less if you had," Steve hadn't even meant that to be insulting, or insinuating, but it doesn't land. He'd been aiming for teasing and missed the mark, given the way Eddie jerks back, like he's trying to put more distance between them. "Oh, shit, Eddie, I didn't mean- I was-"

The doorbell rings out and both jump, turning to the front door like it might bite them. The bell chimes again, and it's then Steve remembers he ordered pizza. Wordlessly Steve gets up and deals with that. Pays for the pizza and gives a tip, stops in the kitchen long enough to grab some napkins, then folds himself back onto the couch, placing the pizza box on the cushions between them.

The time away from the couch, less than three minutes in total, Steve thinks, was enough to calm Eddie again, since he starts the teasing, "greasy pizza box directly onto the cushions! That'll never come out you know."

Steve shrugs and grins, flipping the box open to grab a pizza slice. "That's a problem for Future Steve."

Eddie grabs his own slice, and they just eat their first slices in silence before Steve breaks that, "I really wasn't trying to- earlier, I was trying to joke. About Freshman First Day. Not, uh, not like, pick a fight. So, if you still want to talk, I think it's your turn to ask a question. Any question. A big question."

"Alright. A big one. Who is Christopher?"

"Okay. Uh, just, give me a moment. I'll answer and I'm gonna be real honest right now with you, so just let me get through this, ok?"

Eddie nods, reaching for a second slice of pizza.

Steve gathers his thoughts, and speaks. "Christopher was my cousin. His family lives in Washington, so I don't see them much. You know that 'shipped off to the grandparents' thing I told you about earlier? Christopher, and his younger siblings, Amber and Robert, also came out to visit.

"I think my grandparents loved to have us all there. My cousins were there for family time, and I was there to just... not be in my parent's way, I think, but the reason why doesn't matter. The important bit. Christopher was two years older than me, and I thought he was the coolest person in the world. I wanted to be just like him. That last summer we spent together, he told me all about the game of Dungeons and Dragons he'd played with his club at school.

"It made me want to play. I was a kid who loved fantasy, too. I had to pretend to leave that behind when I got into middle school; too afraid of disappointing my dad for still liking make believe. I didn't know at the time that making him proud was just something I'd never achieve.

"Anyway, Christopher introduced me to the game, told me the entire campaign they'd run at his school, and then sent me those books. He's the reason I was at the booth that day. If Christopher could play sports and be a nerd, maybe I could, too? But, uh, that didn't go how I planned in my head. And, then. Then," Steve stops here, a knot in his throat but his eyes dry. It's not that he doesn't still mourn the loss of Christopher, it's just that the tears have dried up long ago. "Christopher committed suicide, that year. Halfway through the school year. I think... I think even if I had joined your club, if you had let me take that flier, I would have dropped out after the funeral. I'd wanted to join so bad so that Christopher would be proud of me."

The room has lost focus, now. Steve is staring forward but he doesn't really see Eddie anymore. It's like he's fallen into his thoughts and nothing else exists anymore. "It's a bit fucked up, but being older than me, I think I looked for approval in him that I didn't find in my dad, or maybe I wanted to be him because his parents were so proud of everything he did and I wanted that. Approval. I- it's- I think I used to confuse the two. Approval and love. Maybe I still do? I dunno.

"I guess I just wrapped all that up, the need for approval, Christopher's suicide, my love for fantasy, and shoved it in the same bottle deep down that I kept my anger at you in," Steve blinks himself back into the present. Takes in Eddie's face, a mix of sad and fond, like he wants to wrap Steve in a hug. Steve would probably let him. "That wasn't fair to you. I'm sorry."

Eddie shakes his head no. "You don't have to apologize to me, Stevie. I get it. You wore your jockness that same way I wear The Freak. Like armor. You weren't wrong, earlier, when you said we were dumb kids who learned to lash out and hurt first, so we couldn't be hurt. I was fucking, no, I am still like that. I mean, I just lashed back out at you when all you did was point out how I'd acted to you."

"Yeah, well, life gives everyone a shit hand sometimes. I used to capitalize on that. Kick people when they were down. It's- it's humbling and, like, awful, to unpack that. I know I'm still working on it, but I didn't have to do it alone. Robin and Dustin have been there for me. Great. They call me on my bullshit and it's easier to take then, hearing it from people I know who care about me."

"Guess I better ask find someone to call me out then."

"Haven't you already?" Steve asks, gesturing to himself.

Eddie barks a laugh. "I- yeah, I guess. You sayin' you care, Harrington?"

"Of course I do, man. We wouldn't be doing this -talking about deep shit and getting pizza grease all over my couch- if I didn't."

He watches Eddie turn red, and hide behind his hair. "Could just be doing it for the kids."

"I could. Guess you'll have to trust I'm not. That I also want a do over."

Eddie shoots him a big smile, dimples on full display, and Steve's happy to let go of his grudge if it means Eddie will smile at him like that more.

-

((Looks like there's going to be one more part. Thought this would be the last one but the boys wouldn't cooperate so next part.))

[alicechess]

Yandere The Unknown x reader (part 1)

(Dead by daylight)

Note: don't question this

Also this is going to become a proper fanfic, I have no idea how long. I might connect it to my dbd fanfic.

Also I might edit it to make more sense, a lot of this has been written at 3am. Please ignore any errors they might be fixed at some point.

----

You found a new job a few weeks ago, working at a movie theatre. Honestly, you were kind of happy for it. Although the area was dirty and sticky, you were able to get a discount on the movies and snacks, which made it worth it for you. It isn't something you wanted for the rest of your life, but it was good enough for now. You moved to this new town a few months ago, and previously worked at a wreckers, but quickly moved on since the people working there were sketchy.

One of your old friends suggested to work here and of course you agreed. You got discounts and your friend everyday, she also helped you get the job. But not long after you started she disappeared. It was difficult, and you hoped every night she'd come back. The place hurt to be at sometimes, but maybe one day she'll walk in through the doors with that beautiful smile on her face.

You shook your head, you couldn't think about it now. You can't do anything to get her back. You just had to hope the police would take it seriously. But with the recent disappearances, you doubt they'd focus heavily on her. Within the past month there's been over 10 people who've gone missing. Maybe to them she's just a number. There's a few people who go missing every month. It's just... normal for this town. The police do what they can... I guess. But they never will focus for long on one person, because there's always another who goes within a few days or a week. There's just too many crimes happening that it's difficult to keep track. There's maybe a few thousand people who live there, and maybe two stations. So there needs to be more, but they probably won't bother. It's been the same two for maybe 20 years from what you'd heard.

You vacuumed the crumb covered floor, wiping down the chairs, trying to get it as clean as you could. You wanted to keep this job, at least till you could find something more stable. While mopping the linoleum floors, you listened to some music. You ignored the world around you. It was nice to have a distraction. Although cleaning wasn't a nightmare, you'd prefer not too. Some parts of the cinema was darker, your boss was always insistent on turning off the lights if you aren't in the room. It was a bit unnerving, but eventually you learnt to get used to it. It wasn't exactly welcoming, but it wasn't terrifying either.

Occasionally you'd take off your headphones for a few moments, as your ears started to get sore from the pressure. You wanted to get better ones, but you were in a somewhat small town, and there weren't a lot of electronic stores. It was annoying having the wire in the way, but you learnt how to deal with it. You decided to just let them sit on your shoulders, around your neck. Still hearing the music, although it was quieter. You hummed along, eventually sighing at peoples disgustingness. Was it so hard just to put their rubbish away?

Once the bin was full, you picked it up and went outside. The dumpster was almost overflowing, but it wasn't your job to empty that. You threw the bag on top, trying to prevent it from falling down. Once it was stable, you were about to walk inside when you heard someone voice from in the parking lot.

"Can... can you please help me? I'm stuck!" The voice sounded wrong, it's tone was off as it lacked any emotion behind the words he was saying.

You were about to walk over, but remembered all the disappearances. You felt a loud tinge of guilt. "I'm... I'm sorry I can't! I'll get the police to help." You yelled back.

"P-please I really need help!"

You gulped and stepped back, "I can't, I promise the police will come soon!"

You ran inside slamming the door, hearing the cries begging for help coming closer and closer. You were confused, if they were stuck how were they getting closer... Something wasn't right. The situation made your skin crawl. You ran to the phone which sat on the desk. You dialed the number for emergency services and asked for a police officer. You explained the situation, and made it sound more normal as you didn't want to be labelled crazy. You said it rather simply, that there was someone saying they were stuck but something seemed off and suspicious and you wanted the police to take care of it.

While you waited for the police, you sat on one of the chairs at the front desk, fidgeting while listening to music, trying to prevent yourself from panicking. You wanted to keep level-headed. You sang the song quietly, tapping your fingers on the desk. You laid your head back and closed your eyes. You kept one side of the headphone off your ear, so you could hear the police knocking and let them in.

Once they arrived, they checked the whole building and area surrounding it, eventually finding nothing. They also checked the security cameras which showed only you, nothing else. The footage showed no one in the parking lot or anywhere else.

This made you doubt yourself even more.

--

Eventually you went home and laid in bed. You struggled to fall asleep as all you could think about was what happened and the fear you felt. You kept replaying it over and over, analyzing any details you could remember. You remembered how off the voice was, how almost inhuman it was.

You brushed it off, maybe it was because of a lack of sleep. You weren't sure anymore. You tried to stop thinking of it because you really needed to sleep. But it kept squeezing through the cracks and coming back into your mind.

Your eyes slowly closed, and your breathing softened. You were so tired, so, so tired. You just wanted to rest.

Eventually, you started to hear light tapping against the window and low whispers of which sounded like it came from hundreds of people. You thought it was just because you were exhausted. It went away after a few minutes, leaving you to think you were right.

However, after tossing and turning for another 30 minutes, you were rustling in the bushes and voices near your bedroom. You shot out of bed, then peered slightly through the crack of the curtains.

You saw a head peeking out of the bushes, the main thing you noticed about the being was it's lifeless, black hole like eyes. It had no emotion and truly seemed inhuman regardless of its humanoid-like stature.

You felt your stomach drop and your heart stopped for a few moments. It twitched its head every few seconds, every time, it made your stomach twist more and more, the anxiety and fear filling you to the brim. You couldn't look away, it was almost hypnotic and left you in an awful trance with its horrifying appearance.

"Can you help me? I'm... Stuck." It said without its face moving. Your eyes widened in utter horror.

"I'm scared, please help me." It said with a loud snap of its neck, finally pulling you out of your trance. You fell onto the ground with a loud thud, you rubbed your back attempting to soothe the pain. After about a minute you got up, and went back to the curtain.

You watched as the legs of the creature disappeared from your line of sight. You weren't sure if you truly saw that, maybe you were truly going insane you couldn't tell anymore.

---

You awoke in a cold sweat to your alarm blaring into your ears. You groaned, turning it off. You didn't remember crawling back into bed, was it a nightmare? You shook it off. It was just because of the fear you felt last night, it just made you bring it into your dreams.

You stood up and got ready. You looked awful, but attempted to fix it with some makeup. You wore some more dramatic makeup, especially around the eyes. You wore some eyeliner, smudged it a little and combed your hair. You then applied some lip gloss and grabbed some random clothes from your closet.

You decided to call your boss. You knew it would be better to tell him yourself than someone else. You made it sound less bizarre and brushed it off. You didn't want to lose any shifts if he thought you needed a break.

After attempting to cover the tremble in your breath as you explained the situation, you walked to your car and headed to work. You've been taking longer shifts to earn more money. You would've left earlier yesterday if you could've but apparently that... Thing had to show up.

You stepped out of the car, the harsh winter wind making you shiver. You felt ill as you walked to the door. You had to go in though, you knew there was no other choice.

You took a deep breath and opened the door, you were swapping shifts with one of your coworkers. Your shifts often start from 6pm to 12am. The theatre often closes at 10pm, which then gives you a couple hours to do some cleaning. Sometimes you do have to stay overtime, however, which can be a bit frustrating.

As you stepped inside your coworker greeted you. Another one was working as the cashier, which you also did but in between movies you gave a quick clean to the theatre room. The other coworker leaves at 10pm, which then leaves you alone in the building.

You plopped down next to them at the register, asking how busy it was.

They sighed, scratching the back of their head. "Surprisingly, not many. A lot of people are too scared to come down this way."

"Huh? Why?"

"I'm surprised you don't know. Last night there was another disappearance nearby. The police are on high alert and people are freaking out."

"How'd they figure out they disappeared so quickly? Doesn't it normally take longer?"

"Well... It makes more sense when you know that there were screams at 2am coming from their house."

"I guess so... Sucks knowing I'm gonna be in this creepy place in the middle of the night." You grumbled, leaning back on the chair.

"Better you than me man, I'd rather quit than do that shit."

"Wow so comforting of you, thanks." You rolled your eyes, drawing on a random piece of paper to distract you.

"Yeah yeah, at least I'm being truthful! Honestly it's kinda shitty boss is still telling you to continue your shift.

"Ehh, it's fine. I need the money anyway, so the more hours the better."

"Your time not mine, just keep an eye out."

"Was planning on doing that. Also, do you think boss is going to be more of a tight ass? I hate having to have half the place pitch black while cleaning. Not the safest or efficient way to do it."

"I'm sure more people will come in the next few weeks, let's just hope the next disappearance is further away."

"I can pray, maybe god will damn help me this time." You murmur, tapping the pencil against the desk.

----

Very few people came in, only maybe 20 compared to the normal 100 or more. It meant you had less to clean, so maybe... You'll be able to leave earlier. And won't have to be in this uncomfortable place anymore. You can only pray.

As the shift passed, some people were on edge, but overall seemed fine. One child must've overheard about what happened recently, as they were scared, their eyes wide, they grabbed their mothers arm and attempted to pull them away from this place.

The mother rolled her eyes, saying they were safe since it was daylight.

"Monsters don't come out during the day, darling. You'll be fine. And there's other people here, they'll make sure to protect you." She leans down and pats her daughter on the head. "I promise you'll be okay sweetheart, it's just a movie theatre."

----

As night crept in, you started to slowly dread being there more and more. It started to slowly consume your thoughts, of what could potentially happen if you were left alone once more in this building. You hoped that since there wasn't as many people, you had more of a chance of being able to clean faster. And therefore, be able to leave earlier.

As your coworker left and put the closed sign up, you felt your stomach sink. You were sure that you were fucked. But what else could you do? You had to do your job. You had to do it regardless of what you wanted.

You went to the janitors closet, pulling the strings which turned the light on. It was rather claustrophobic. Dust had built up after what seemed like years of not being cleaned. You grabbed the vacuum and left the closet, and went over towards the front desk. You started there, and moved towards the movie room then upstairs. You were hyper aware of your surroundings, you couldn't help but feel on edge after last night. Every tap on the windows or hum of the electricity made you feel sick.

Once you were done vacuuming, out started to mop the floors. You wanted to listen to music, but you were afraid of not hearing if someone was lurking inside. You wanted to know what was happening around you.

After you did the basics, you sat down for a bit and wondered if you could get away with leaving the theatre like this. It's not like your boss comes in everyday.

You eventually decided to leave the place as is, you didn't feel safe being in there any longer. You instantly grabbed your handbag, but noticed your keys were missing and so was your phone... And wallet.

You felt bile instantly run up your throat. That awful feeling of knowing you were truly at another's mercy started to suffocate you. You panicked, looking under the desk, in the janitor's closet... Nothing. It was nowhere. You attempted to calm yourself down, saying you just misplaced it. That's all you did. There was nothing lurking around the corner watching your every move waiting to pounce and kill you.

You were fine. Just fine.

How the hell was everything missing? There's no way it all fell out when it was closed, and that it's been in the same spot since you got here.

You rushed around the building, searching everywhere for your stupid belongings. And in the middle of the already awful experience, you started to hear tapping on the windows. It was slow and intentional.

Tap. Tap. Tap.

You went over towards it, moving the curtains. Nothing was there, but the bushes did move slowly. Those same, dead eyes pearing at you. That's when you realised everything you've witnessed was real.

Something was after you.

And you had no idea what the fuck it was, it definitely wasn't human. No humans neck twists like that, no human has the void-like holes, where no ounce of light can go through.

It slowly crept out of the bush, it's mangled limbs moving in unnatural, inhuman positions as it came towards the window.

It has already came in before, why the fuck was it trying to come in again? It could come in before, what now? Was there more than one? What did it want? Did it just get off on scaring you?

You stepped back, feeling like how you did the night before.

"No... No no. No." You murmured, grabbing the phone that hung on the wall. You attempted to dial the emergency services, but the lines were down. You shook your head, you had to have something to defend yourself from that... Thing. All these awful thoughts came into your mind. Of what it could do, of what it wanted.... And what it's true form was.

You heard popping sounds from the other side of the window.

"Can... You help me?"

Those distorted voices sent a shiver down your spine. That unnatural, disgusting sound.

You slowly glanced over your shoulder at the monster. It had the most awful, disgusting grin which showed all its teeth. It's disfigured head and body contorted as it started to tap on the window again.

"I... Need your... Help."

It said as it cocked its head.

"I am... Scared." It's mouth twitched wider. Both it's hands were placed on the window. Its face squished against it.

"I'm so scared."

If the situation wasn't serious, you would've laughed at the irony.

"Stay away from me!"

You yelled, grabbing a pair of scissors from the drawer. You pointed it towards the creature, even though you knew it was futile.

"Stay away from me!"

It mimicked, the dread which formed was sickening. It... Said the same thing. The two voices at once made it even more horrifying. The distorted sound triggered you more. It said things which were already unnerving, but it mimicked you in your tone, just slightly distorted was utterly mortifying. The fear you felt that night here and at home could never compare to this.

You decided that you had to get far away from this thing. You couldn't sit there forever, even another second was enough to make you want to crawl into a hole and rot. A being like that shouldn't exist.

You ran up the stairs, you felt it's... Sockets following your figure, analysing every movement. You went into the bathrooms and slammed the door shut. You locked the door, then moved over to the window. You glanced outside, and saw that it was clear.

You heard fast, but light footsteps coming from outside. You knew it was toying with you. You knew it enjoyed the chase and it made you feel sick.

The tapping continued once more, but this time at the bathroom door.

"I'm scared... Why won't you help me?"

"What do you want from me?!" You screamed back, tears welling up in your eyes as you stared at the door.

"I'm stuck."

The more you listened to it, the more its voice sounded normal and close to human. You rapidly shook your had, murmuring to yourself.

"No, no this isn't happening."

It sounded so normal, its panic was so evident and felt real. Earlier it didn't, what was going on?!

You felt dizzy, your vision started to become slightly blurry. You collapsed onto the ground, in front of one of the bathroom stalls.. Your head thumped, the pain made you groan. You knew you had to get out, that's the only thing you could do. You weren't sure what was going on anymore. You had to get out.

You slowly stood up, holding onto the edge of the stall. You moved towards the window, contemplating how you were going to get down. There were bushes underneath, but you knew you were screwed if you landed wrong. There were no other options unless you wanted to face that thing. You slowly opened the window, attempting to be quiet just in case the... Thing will hear. To your relief it made no noise. You slowly placed your legs over, holding onto the edge tightly. You took a deep breath then pushed yourself off.

You groaned as your body hit the floor hard, causing pain to radiate through you. you groaned, knowing your body was going to be covered in bruises. You hissed as you slowly sat up. You brushed the twigs off of your shirt, then used the brick wall to attempt to help yourself up. You moved around the outside of the building, attempting to be quiet.

You knew you couldn't use your car, you had no idea how to hotwire it. The only option you had was to walk home, well, better run.

You started to sprint away, ignoring every aching muscle and joint. You gritted your teeth as you forced your legs to move. You occasionally glanced over your shoulder, and to your relief, saw nothing there. You started to slow down when you felt safer since you were further away from that thing.

You leaned over, placing your hands on your knees as you took deep breaths. You felt dizzy, but knew you had to get home. After a minute, you started to walk again. As you walked down the street, occasionally you spotted cars driving by or the really odd person or two walking by. You always held the scissors tight, regardless of how much it dug into your skin.

Eventually, you got to your home. You searched your pockets for your keys, then remembered you lost them at the theatre. You hoped that thing wouldn't find them. You went to the backyard and grabbed them from under one of the pots. You unlocked the door, then went inside.

You placed some chairs behind the front and back door under the handle. You then slipped the latch so unlocking wouldn't work. You made sure you did everything you could to prevent the thing from coming inside.

You felt relieved once you glanced around knowing that you were safe.

So you could finally have a good sleep, you went to have a warm shower. You washed away all the dirt from your skin, watching as the dirt slowly went down the drain. You sat in the warmth, soaking up the comfort from it for as long as you can. You sat in the shower for a while till the hot water ran out, forcing you to go back into the cold. Reminding you of the bitter reality you'll have to face eventually.

You got dressed then went to the kitchen, grabbing a knife from the utensil drawer. You tapped the point, dragging your finger across the blade. You wanted to make sure it'd actually be useful if you needed to defend yourself.

You locked your bedroom door, making sure the latch would be strong enough to keep anything out. The hairs on your skin were constantly standing. Every shadow and movement puts you on edge. Your own home didn't make you feel safe, only the slightest bit safer than if you were to be outside.

You walked over to your bedside drawer, then placed the knife on top of it.. You left the lamp which sat beside you on. You pulled open one of the draws and grabbed one of your old alarms since your phone was lost.

You haven't used it for so long it took a while to figure it out. Once you set it, you laid down in bed. You stared at the ceiling, getting dragged into your thoughts. You occasionally focused on shadows that danced on your walls, wondering if one of them will ever be the creature which tortured your emotions hours before.

----

[cat3ch1sm]

i am single-handedly running the L agenda (jkjk)

with that being said lemme scoot in here and request something that actually came to me in a dream (giving prophecy). this is literally the second time it has happened to me

i just love the idea of the task force continuously embarrassing themselves in front of snarky girlfriend. like these are grown men with many years of investigation under their belt and they get destroyed by someone in their young 20s lyke

that’s how specific the dream was for me. literally no more details 😔

but i trust you bestie.

also so i don’t spam your inbox i am also requesting on the side a lil f*ngering moment if you will. L’s fingers in the manga really speak to me on a personal level 😏

hello, my favorite follower<33 missed u in my inbox. reporting for duty to carry out the L agenda 🫡

for this writing, i pulled that one l, light, and misa date from the anime and put my own spin on it- featuring Y/N as well. i tried my best to directly quote the anime, idk how well i did tho😭 but it’s the same idea, basically. hope you enjoy💚

ೄྀ࿐ fem!reader, nsfw ahead, f!ngering, light and l fight😭ˊˎ-

It was clear that the day was going to be weird when Aizawa, a respectable and work-oriented member of the task force, came into the headquarters with no pants on. Just white boxers decorated with red polka-dots.

Soichiro glanced absently in Aizawa’s direction upon hearing him come in, then did a double take, expression questioning. “Uh… Aizawa… did something happen?”

Matsuda had the same reaction as Soichiro. “Uh- where’d your pants go?”

Pants and belt slung around his arm, Aizawa trudged towards the other two men, looking exasperated. “Stupid security system wouldn’t let me in. In my opinion, Ryuzaki’s gone a little overboard with the security measures.”

“I’m fairly certain we’re past the point of overboard- this is the Kira investigation, after all,” Soichiro pointed out:

“Yeah, I guess you’re right,” Aizawa admitted, stopping in his tracks to hurriedly put his pants and belt back on before sitting in a chair between the two men. He searched around the room curiously, noticing an absent presence. “Hey- where’d Ryuzaki and everyone else go?”

Matsuda gestured to the screen displayed in front of them. “Oh- Ryuzaki, Misa-Misa, Light, and Y/N are on a date upstairs.”

Aizawa let out a groan. “For God’s sake, Matsuda, will you stop it with this Misa-Misa crap?”

Matsuda offered a sheepish grin. “Ah- yeah, sure.”

“Man… this has got to be the lamest date I’ve ever been on,” Misa groaned beside you, arm propped up on the back of the sofa and her head resting in the palm of her hand.

“Oh, don’t mind us,” L offered, twirling a fork around in his mouth. “Just act like we’re not even here.”

Misa frowned, crossing her arms. “This could have been a cute double date- with me and Light and you and Y/N- even if you guys are super stalker-y. But Light’s sitting over there with L handcuffed to him while I’m stuck over here with Y/N. It’s like this totally fucked-up double date where L is dating Light and I’m with Y/N.” Misa glared at you, and it took everything in you to keep your expression stoic in return. “By the way, I don’t swing that way, so, like, if that’s what you were thinking-“

“Misa, shut up,” you cut her off harshly, gaze as stony as ever. Then you addressed both Misa and Light. “Listen, we get you’re uncomfortable, but you both understand the circumstances we’re in right now,” you told Misa sternly, also sending a look in Light’s direction. “This is only necessary.”

“Yeah, Misa, it’s probably best we not protest it,” Light agreed, gesturing towards you. “Obviously, we both know we aren’t Kira, but given the evidence, it’ll be difficult to change L’s mind about that fact.”

“Ugh, do we have to talk about that boring crap? Light, all we ever do is talk about Kira, Kira, Kira. Why can’t we talk about normal boyfriend and girlfriend stuff?” Misa whined petulantly, and despite the fact that this “date” had just started, you already found yourself wanting to absolutely deck Amane.

“Well, if you haven’t noticed, that’s all there is to talk about,” Light countered, sounding a little agitated. “Neither of us go to school anymore, and I’m very literally handcuffed to L.” He lifted his hand to indicate the chains around his wrist, raising an absent L’s hand in the air as well.

L was obviously thinking about other things, his dark eyes fixated on the slice of cake, adorned with a small red strawberry, sitting on the coffee table. “Are you going to eat that cake, Amane?” L inquired, pointing at the slice with his fork.

Misa glanced at the pastry disdainfully before rolling her eyes to the ceiling again. “No. Cake makes you fat. I’m not gonna eat it.”

“Well, I find that you don’t gain any weight as long as you burn it off with brainpower.”

Misa bristled. “Huh? So now you call me stupid?”

L shrugged and started to reach for the plate, but then a light appeared in Misa’s eyes and she leaned over and snatched the plate last minute. “Hold on. You can have the cake if you-“ Misa glared at you from the corner of her eye- “and Y/N promise to leave me and Light alone.”

“Yeah, right,” you scoffed, folding your arms across your chest. “Even if we did do that, we’d still be watching on surveillance cameras.”

Misa whirled around to face you, cheeks red with fury and pink lips in a pout. “Well- then we’ll turn all the lights off and get under the bed covers! Right, Light?”

Light made a face. “Misa…”

“Infrared cameras exist, you know,” L replied vacantly, still focused on the cake.

Misa recoiled, sticking her tongue out as if she was a toddler. “Ewwww! You pervert! Will you just stop it with your creepy hobby?”

“You can call me whatever you like. Last chance for cake,” L announced, standing up and scooping the plate off of the table. Misa hmphed and turned her nose up.

There was silence for a little while- Misa fuming while L started on his cake, you and Light simply silent. But then Light spoke up, turning to look at L with a confused expression on his face.

“What’s wrong with you?” Light queried, tone a little bit accusing and making your focus shift to him instantly. “I thought moving here was supposed to help us to catch Kira. But since we’ve been here, you don’t seem all that motivated to me.”

L paused for a moment, swallowing a bite of cake and setting his fork down. “Hm. Not motivated…” He trailed off, in thought, before facing Light and replying, “You’re right- actually, I’m depressed.”

You almost flinched. With your status as L’s partner, you’d obviously noticed the shift in L’s overall mood, and you two had already had a very similar conversation to the one you believed L and Light were about to have. However- you knew for a fact that Light was bound to react a lot worse than you did.

Light, meanwhile, pressed on. “Depressed? What for?”

L dragged the fork along his teeth before glancing up at the ceiling and answering. “Well, he began dubiously, “briefly all this time I thought you were Kira, and my entire case hinged on that fact.” He sighed. “I guess I just can’t get pass the fact that my deduction was wrong. Although having said that, I’m still suspicious of you. That’s why we’re wearing these.��� L lifted his arm that was attached to Light’s, making the handcuffs jingle. “And we also know that Kira can control people’s actions. Which means… it’s highly likely that Kira was controlling your actions so that I would suspect you. If I assume both you and Misa were being controlled by him, then everything we’ve observed so far makes a lot more sense to me.”

“So… if what you’re thinking is correct, that means Misa and I were Kira at one point, right?”

L glanced at Light sideways. “Yes. I don’t think we could have been wrong about that. The two of you are Kira.”

Both Light and Misa frowned, Misa pouting in a stubborn expression, but much to your relief, remaining silent.

L continued his monologue, although you could tell he was talking more to himself than to Light at this point. “If what I was thinking was correct, when your confinement began you were Kira. I don’t believe it’s coincidence that as soon as you were imprisoned, all the killings stopped. Until then, everything pointed to you being Kira. But after two weeks… criminals actually began dying again. Based on that evidence, I can only conclude that Kira’s power passes between people.”

Light’s expression softened, and he nodded thoughtfully. “That’s an interesting idea. But if it’s true,” he noted with a frown, “it’ll be nearly impossible for us to catch Kira.”

L nodded as well, staring straight ahead. “Yes. That’s why I’m overwhelmed. Even if we catch someone under his control, they are likely to lose their powers and any memory of their crimes. So in the end, pursuing them becomes futile.”

Light was quiet for a little bit. “But… at this point we have no way of knowing if that’s the case,” he offered halfheartedly. “So cheer up, would you?”

L? Cheer up? You almost couldn’t stifle your laugh.

L seemed surprised by this for a second, but shook his head slowly. “Cheer up? No. I’m sorry, I can’t. It’s probably better if I just stop trying so hard. By chasing Kira so desperately, we’re just putting our lives at risk for nothing.” Again, he twirled the fork around in his mouth, gaze directed at his feet. “Yes…it’s just a waste of time.”

There was more silence- but this time, you felt how tense it was rather than thoughtful, and you suddenly felt a little uneasy.

Then, Light: “Ryuzaki…”

“Hm?”

Your head snapped towards Light a split second too late. The next thing you heard was the sound of Light’s fist meeting L’s face- hard, and suddenly the two of them were flying- L backward and Light forward, unwillingly pulled along by the handcuffs that joined the two. Ryuzaki knocked into the table just before hitting the ground, and it flipped over, sending L’s unfinished slice of cake to the floor.

You and Misa both got to your feet abruptly, and you could hear Misa’s whimpers of disgust as she accidentally stepped in the smushed cake. Misa, however, was far from your concerns. “What the hell?” you demanded, eyes furiously darting from L on the ground to Light, bent over and breathing hard. “Light, what do you think you’re doing?!”

Light whirled around to face you. “What? You can’t tell me you wouldn’t do the same thing!” Then he turned back to glare daggers at L, whose eyes were wide with surprise and his hand cradling his cheek where Light had punched him. “That’s enough! You don’t feel like doing anything just because your genius deduction was wrong and I’m not Kira?!”

L stared up at Light, the look in his eyes unreadable. “Hm… perhaps I phrased that the wrong way. I meant that it would be pointless for us to make a move, so why even bother…”

Your face twisted with annoyance. Good grief. Couldn’t L see he was just adding fuel to the fire? Half the time you didn’t know if he was genuinely unaware of his actions or just doing it on purpose.

“Man, I didn’t think this date could possibly get any worse…” Misa whined from behind you, now wearing one sock because of the cakey mess on the other one.

“Misa, be quiet, for Christ’s sake,” you snapped, and Misa recoiled before eventually shutting up, plopping herself down on the couch and putting on a petulant pout. “You two- stop being ridiculous and get off the floor. Can’t you see this isn’t helping anything?”

L peered at you from behind Light’s angry form. “You know, Y/N is really right…”

“Don’t change the subject,” Light snapped. “If we don’t chase Kira, he’ll never be caught. Is that what you want? If you’re just gonna give up, then why did you involve all those innocent people? More importantly, what was the point of putting Misa and me behind bars?”

L mulled over this for a moment. “I understand. But still, whatever the reason…”

You knew exactly what was coming next when L slowly climbed off the ground, a dark twinkle in his eye. And he struck Light back, fist buried in his eye and eliciting a pained grunt from the student.

“An eye for an eye, my friend.”

Again, the two men flew- but now it was Light’s turn to fly backward and L forward, the handcuffs holding fast. They both hit the floor with a massive thud, and you knew without a doubt that the task force downstairs could hear you all now.

Why aren’t those idiots doing anything?

Misa let out another dismayed cry, and you finally decided you had to intervene. Before either one of them could land another blow, you got in between the two, preventing them from reaching each other.

“Are you both insane?” you snarled, giving both of them equally vaporizing glares. “What the hell are you fighting like some schoolyard children for? Can’t you see how idiotic the both of you look? Blindly swinging instead of effectively talking about this?”

The pair paused, seemingly taking your words into account, but stares still fixed intently on each other, and you knew they both were aching to swing again.

Finally, L spoke up, but it was directed at Light. “It’s not my deduction that was wrong,” he panted, eyes burning into Light’s. “The fact is, I can say that Light Yagami is Kira and Misa Amane is the second Kira. But it won’t be enough to solve the case. And that’s why I’m a little depressed. Is that so unreasonable?”

Light wasted no time retorting, “Yes. Yes, it is. Besides, you said it yourself. It is as if you won’t be satisfied unless I am Kira.”

L considered this, briefly averting his gaze from him. “Hmm…I won’t be satisfied unless you’re Kira.” Another lapse into silence. “Well… there may be some truth to that. In fact, now that you mention it… you’re right.” Now L’s stare were more piercing than ever. “I think I wanted you to be Kira.”

Before you could even blink, Light’s fist had slammed into L’s eye, but the detective seemed unfazed this time.

“As I said before, an eye for an eye,” he rasped. “I’m a lot stronger than I look, you know.” And he raised his fist to return the blow.

But now you’d had enough of watching these two grown men brawling like middle school kids. They’d ignored your previous words and warnings, but they would soon learn that that was a mistake.

So, as the two went flying into the wall yet again, you darted in between them at a speed you didn’t realize you were capable of, took hold of the handcuff chain, and just when Light moved to hit L again, you yanked as hard as you could on the cold metal chain. The combined force of your hand and the growing strain on the chain from Light and L jerking it around made it snap right in two, sending the detective and scholar positively soaring in opposite directions. Misa let out a shriek and rushed to Light’s side as he slammed into the floor with a very painful-sounding thump, but you didn’t move to help L when he barreled into the wall for what had to be the fifth time in the past ten minutes.

When the chaos finally settled, both men were still on the ground, wincing from their collective injuries and struggling to get up. One of the legs on the table that Light had rammed into was actually beginning to splinter, and the cake L had dropped earlier had made a big mess on the carpet what with Misa stepping on it and trailing it across the carpet. The wall L was flopped over against had a gaping hole where L’s head had hit, the cracks spreading from behind L’s hair like some twisted spider. And finally, there was you, standing exactly where you’d been standing with the severed chain dangling from your closed hand, staring at the metal like you yourself couldn’t believe what had just happened.

It was totally silent for at least five minutes straight. Nobody moved, taking in all that had just occurred and the damage in the room. But the awestruck silence was disrupted when the phone, which had slid off of the table near the spot where L was sprawled out now, rang.

At first, nobody moved to answer it. But when it kept ringing, L at last picked it up, holding it between his index finger and thumb like always.

“Hello?”

The voice from the phone was unclear from where you were, but you could tell it was Matsuda.

“Ryuzaki, I’ve got great news!” he chirped, his overly enthusiastic voice making you cringe slightly. “Misa-misa’s number one in “Eighteen" magazine’s reader popularity poll!”

Matsuda was usually too invested in totally useless things at totally inappropriate times, but this time you could see right through him. He’d heard the chaos going on upstairs and had wanted to try and de-escalate the situation, so here he was with this stupid stuff.

To yourself, you muttered, “Jesus Christ.”

L blinked at you and then blinked at the phone. “Ah. I see.”

“And get this- she’s gonna get a lead role in Nishinaka’s next movie!”

Light’s head popped over the toppled table, face bruised. “What was that?”

L promptly dropped the phone to the ground . “Matsuda’s acting stupid again.”

Light chuckled dryly. “Well… that is his specialty.”

Yet another moment of silence. Then, a tiny voice from the phone L hadn’t hung up properly: “I can hear you, you know.”

It had been several hours since the earlier incident, everyone from the task force having gone home and Misa sleeping in her hotel room. You and L were the only ones still awake, perched beside each other on the desk in front of the monitors; the normally bustling center of operations was now quiet and dark. Since you’d broken the handcuffs earlier and L had yet to replace them, you got to be alone with him for the first time in a while.

“You know,” L spoke up, breaking the calm silence, “I wasn’t expecting you to jump into me and Light’s brawl like that earlier.”

You gave L a look. “How could I not? You were both embarrassing yourselves. That was completely senseless behavior. I wasn’t expecting you to indulge Light’s impulsivity.”

L cocked his head at you a little questioningly. “You sound pretty ticked off.”

You blinked, realizing that he was right, and let out a long exhale. When you spoke again, your tone was softer, but your words were still harsh. “Being around Misa all day irritates me, anyway. You both acting like idiots didn’t really help my mood. And now we’ve got a busted-up hotel room with a hole in the wall and the broken table.”

L considered this, then nodded slowly. “Yes. That hurt, by the way.”

You let out a wry chuckle. “I bet.”

Neither of you spoke again for a little while- but you still felt L place his hand on your thigh.

“What are you doing?”

L’s eyes lifted to meet yours. “I figured you’d want to unwind a little. Is that alright?”

You paused for a moment. “Yes,” you replied airily, squirming just a little bit with your legs swinging from the table.

Nodding to himself, L moved his hand up your thigh, opting not to indulge in foreplay and teasing. Brazenly, he flipped up the lacy hem of the slip you’d put on to go to bed, and you felt a shiver go down your spine when his hand made direct contact with your skin. Carefully, he reached for your panties and tugged them out of his way before dipping two slender fingers in your rapidly dampening entrance, making your back arch slightly.

You bit your lower lip to stifle any sounds lest you two alert Watari, making the only audible noise in the room the wet sounds of L gently moving his fingers back and forth, slightly curled and brushing against your sweet spot. Despite your efforts to silence yourself, as he slowly picked up the pace and you neared your climax, a few breathy moans escaped your lips anyway, and you could feel the familiar heat building in your lower body and spreading across your face.

You allowed yourself a broken gasp when you came, a small amount of thin, sticky liquid flooding from your dripping hole and coating L’s fingers. His fingers slowed inside you, helping you make the most of your orgasm, and when you’d finally come down from your high he gingerly withdrew his fingers and watched the wetness pool beneath your slip and dampen your underwear. Then he promptly popped his index and middle fingers into his mouth, his tongue swirling around them and licking your taste from his skin.

After a minute or two L turned to look at you again. “Well, you look like you feel better.”

You instinctively dropped your eyes, uselessly fighting the color spreading across your cheeks. “I guess I do…”

L’s eyes were wide as he stared at you, his expression betraying nothing. “No matter how many times we do this, you’re always so flustered after you finish…”

You groaned and dropped your face into your hands, and L laughed.

[jisungsbff01]

.like i need you.5.

...pairing…Chan x reader

...w.c... 2.3k

...genre…slice-of-life, college au!

...warnings…anxiety attack, mentions of not eating, insomnia

...characters...Y/N, (OC) Lilith, (OC) June, Chan, Jisung, Hyunjin(rest of members mentioned)

...synopsis...No one ever really knows what they wanna do in their 20s, but Y/N has always known what she was going to do. So, she began the journey to her dream and is so close to reaching it with no distractions at all. Until she is thrown into a project with Hyunjin, a fellow senior in college, and he introduces her to a few of his friends...connecting with one in particular...

Her whole plan is soon thrown off the track she’s had it on for 21 years….

A/N: I haven’t properly edited this chapter yet, but I wanted to get something out.

 Now that our regular class finals were over, Hyunjin and I were working overtime for the day we had left for our project. We were so close to getting where we needed it to be for his presentation of it and I was getting antsy. Currently, I was holed up in the producing studio I knew that later he would be at the dance studio across town. And, if I am being honest, I haven’t spoken to anyone in almost two days. Not even Hyunjin to discuss the project, granted he was too busy perfecting his routine to notice. In turn, this meant that I haven’t properly eaten… I had no one to drag me for coffee and something to eat and I have been too wrapped up in either the studio or my room on my computer to notice anything else. 

My phone has long been put on Do Not Disturd and I was finally getting somewhere with the background vocals. I’ve never been this picky with my songs, but I think since the main music part is mostly just me, I am overthinking it. I’ve never had to do main vocals and I am by far the best singer there is, but in the end had to for this so I’m kind of stuck with it. 

Although it was on Do Not Disturb, my phone would still occasionally light up with various notifications, and the last time it did, it was 5AM. My body was aching and I was having a hard time keeping my eyes open. I knew I was not going to be able to continue on properly with being as tired as I was and I hadn’t slept in over 24 hours and a little nap wouldn’t hurt. I set an alarm on my phone for 45 minutes and rolled up my hoodie as a make-shift pillow and I rested my head on it and let sleep take me in it’s comforting embrace.

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

I was awoken by someone’s hand on my shoulder, calling my name. It was Han Jisung. How the hell did he get in here? I shoot up straight and look around, slightly confused as to where I was…but it all floods back rather quickly, “Ji? What are you doing here?”

He meekly brushed a few strands of hair out of my face as he responded, “I was getting a studio for Chris and I before he got here and the receptionist asked me to check in on the person in here because they’ve been in here since yesterday morning…have you eaten anything, Y/N?”

I stretch widely and got up, back to my seat at the desk and shake my head, “Too busy. I’m okay, though- thank you for checking on me I probably needed to wake up soon anyway-wait…what time is it?” My body panics slightly.

Jisung looks down at his watch and responds, “It’s 6:30, why?”

“Shit, I was supposed to be awake an hour ago…it’s okay, Ji. Again, thank you, but I have to get back to work. But, please tell the receptionist I’m okay.” I dismiss him rather quickly.

He mutters something as he walks out hesitantly. 

I continue to work, going in and out of the recording booth…deleting and rerecording clips here and there, adjusting the bass and trebel, the balance between vocals and instrumentals, going back through the whole song until I was satisfied. Which eventually happened. Only, it was 8:45 by the time that happened. But, finally I was done…and it was basically a whole new song, for the most part. I knew by this time Hyunjin would be at the dance studio, so I decided to head straight there.

Picking up is favorite drink along the way, which the shop owner decided to give me for free this morning for some reason, I made it to the studio by 9 exactly. I quietly made my way into the building, trying not to disrupt anyone and found Hyunjin stretching to soft music. The temperature outside left a bite of cold in the air in the studio, but I’m sure once he got moving he would be grateful for the temperature. 

I mumbled a ‘good morning’ to my friend as I handed him his drink and I sat on the couch, legs folded under me. The tall man went from being on the floor to towering over me in a heartbeat. 

“So I got a call from Jisung this morning…” he started off.

“Oh, yeah? Saw him this morning briefly, one of the few people who have woken me up that haven’t gotten their eyes clawed out, by the way.” I respond with a gravelly voice.

“Mhm, he told me that you haven’t been out of the studio in almost 24 hours?” He states frustratedly. 

“Yes, I got caught up, what’s the big deal, Hyun?”

“The big deal is that you haven’t eaten either, Y/N…you need to eat, and sleep.”

“Don’t worry, I grabbed a snack on my way here, ate it already…mom.” I mumble the last part, because I felt like I was being scolded by my mom.

“Okay, well you probably didn’t eat enough, so what is going to happen is you are going to take a nap here so I know you are actually sleeping and once you are awake, we are going to get you some real food.” 

“I’m not gonna say no to sleep right now, that’s for sure.” 

He tosses me his hoodie and I opt to use that as a blanket, once again, I fall asleep rather quickly and stay that way, even over the music and the dancing in the background. You would think the sounds would keep me from falling asleep, normally they probably would, but in the moment, they lull me to sleep instead. 

I only wake up once and it was when Felix and Chris stopped by, Chris had a blanket in hand and was more than ready to swap out Hyunjin’s hoodie for a proper blanket. He sat next to me, just above my head…and for some reason, I rested my head on his thigh. He stilled for a moment, before relaxing and laying his hand on my arm. I couldn’t help but fall asleep once again. 

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

I wake up from the feeling of strong nausea. And an extremely tight chest…

I shoot up from my position on the couch, interrupting whatever conversation everyone was having, and darting to the bathroom. Nothing came up, but I sat there dry heaving for a while. I’ve always hated getting sick in this way, I always felt helpless and no matter what, I always wanted my mom. I suddenly started crying, I felt like shit, hungry but too nauseous to eat. 

My blood sugar was definitely low and my mental health was now taking a drop. And I realize how hard it was getting to breathe.My breaths come out in sporadic huffs as I try to catch my breath just so I could begin to take slow breaths, to calm myself down. I didn’t want anyone to see me like this, especially not Chris. With shaky hands I message Hyunjin, asking him to come into the bathroom.

Within a couple of minutes, he’s running into the enclosed space. My hair, once pulled up into a bun, was now hanging in the hair tie by my shoulders. It was hot, too hot and I felt like I was going to throw up, even though I knew I couldn’t. He took a hair tie off his wrist and pulls my hair up, my head lulls back as he does so and he grabs my hand and sets it over his heart. There’s a loud roaring in my ears and I can hardly hear what he is saying but by the gesture, I understand that he is attempting to get me to breathe at the rate he was.

Suddenly he grabs his phone and dials someone, I still can’t hear him and I am at the point where I genuinely feel like I’m dying. My chest hurts, my throat hurts, and my lungs are beginning to ache from lack of proper oxygen. I see Hyunjin stand up and pull away to wet his hands under the faucet, coming back to put cool water on my forehead and the base of my neck. Out of the corner of my eye I see movement, but am unable to focus…or even care. Hyunjin goes out of view and Chris comes into view, my hand is pulled to his chest and his heartbeat is more noticeable than Hyun’s. He grabs my face so that I am looking at him in the eye and I begin to faintly hear him,” In, out, in out.”

He keeps a steady tempo to it as he continues to instruct my breathing and he hesitates to ask, “Would it be better if I hugged you?”  

I nodded, knowing that deep pressure has helped with attacks like this in the past for me, and once he wraps his arms around me, I am able to relax. My breathing doesn’t let up right away, and I am a little more aware my my surroundings, but I am able to request that he hug me tighter. I sigh out in relief once he gives me what I ask and I rest my head on his shoulder, noticing that Hyunjin had left. 

Once I calm down a bit more, he asks if I need a minute alone. I nod my head in response, needing to wet the cotton-mouth I have going on. He lets me know he was just going to be back in the studio whenever I was ready to come back. I rinsed out my mouth and walked out the door anyway, wiping the tears that gathered in my eyes. As I entered the dance studio, I noticed we had a few more additions to our little gathering. Everyone was here at this point, I made eye-contact with Chris as everyone still socialized amongst each other and signaled for him to come outside the door. I saw him grab my bag and say something to Hyunjin before following me out.

 He made sure the door closed behind him as I spoke, “I think I’m gonna head home, I’m just not feeling it.”

He watched me closely before taking a deep breath through his nose, “Not feeling it, or not feeling good?”

“Both?” I stated, unsure.

“Have you eaten anything?” He asked, knowing the answer already.

“No.”

“Let’s eat before you go home.”

“Chris, I’m not really-” “No, for my peace of mind, I need to see you eat something. Jisung told me how he found you and that you hadn’t eaten. You need to eat, even if it’s something small.”

I think about it before giving in and he’s driving us to a local cafe. 

Chris and I sat and ate for about an hour before he took me back to my apartment, walking me up. 

I felt the warmth of his body following behind me, guarding me…like I’m going to run at the first possible moment. I knew he was worried about me, he was the only one who really hid it well around me. And the past few weeks we’ve grown closer, we’ve gotten each other to open up and have even spoken countless times through text and over the phone. It was in this moment I truly felt feelings friends aren’t supposed to have for each other. I wanted nothing but him in my life. In this moment everything was quiet with him, the stress was gone when I was with him. I was happy and safe when I was with him. 

With him, everything was perfect.

I pulled my keys out of the pocket of my coat, in doing so my bag slid off my shoulder. He caught it, slipping it off my arm so that he could hold it. Before I could turn the knob to open the door, he softly grasped my upper arm, “Y/N, wait…”

My head cocks slightly to the side, “What’s wrong? Are you okay?”

He looked like he was in pain, like, physical pain. I grab his hand off my arm, my fingers knotting with his and let out a hum in questioning, asking for an answer. He nods his head and whispers, “Yeah, I’m okay, I just…”

He suddenly pulled me closer to him, still speaking in a low voice, “Tell me if you don’t want this.”

“Want wha”

He kissed me, and it took a heartbeat for me to completely wrap my head around it and reciprocate but once I did oh. I parted my lips, asking…begging for more. I hear my bag drop to the ground as he brings one hand up my body to rest on my hip, the other on my jaw, the tips of his fingers curling in my hair. I pulled him closer by his waist, wanting our bodies welded together at this point. I take a chance and nibble on his lower lips, earning a groan from deep in his throat. My body filled with heat and I wanted more. But I didn’t get more. He pulled away, his body tense and shaking slightly. 

“Yeah, I’m okay, pretty girl.” He said to me, still holding me close to his body. For a few moments, we stayed like that. Until he pressed a few more light kisses to my lips, then my right cheek, left cheek, forehead,nose, jaw, and finally to my neck. I gasped from the sensation, my body still humming. 

He actually pulled away this time, leading my body back and handed my bag back to me, turning the knob that I had barely gotten a chance to unlock before he kissed me. He turned my body, pressed a chaste kiss on the crown of my head before leading me in my shared apartment.”I will see you later, pretty girl. Get some sleep, yeah?”

I nodded, pressing my lips into a fine line, closing the door as he walked away.

------------------

Thank you for reading, let me know what you thought!

[urbancowboyjoel]

Bite The Hand | Joel Miller x f!afab!reader

Bite The Hand: Chapter One

Prologue | Read on AO3 | Series Masterlist | Bite The Hand Playlist

When Tess doesn’t show up for sewage duty, you seek out Joel for answers.

Word Count: ~6.1k

A/N: And the journey begins... also, I genuinely have no clue what post-apocalyptic sewage maintenance entails/looks like, so please let me have my creative freedom and overlook the inaccuracies lol (updated 5/29/24)

Warnings/Tags: n/a (refer to masterlist for complete series warnings & tags)

Bite The Hand: Chapter One

The morning sun shined brightly in your eyes as you casually strolled toward the entrance of the sewage tunnel. Your eyes were still heavy with exhaustion and your legs seemed to drag with each step you took, fatigued and sore from the previous day's intensive labor. The streets of the Boston QZ were nearly empty, as they typically were at the crack of dawn; primarily occupied by soldiers heading for morning patrols and other military duties, with only a handful of civilian stragglers lingering around, sticking close to the walls and keeping their heads down. 

While most civilian duties didn't start this early, sewage maintenance was the one in particular that the overseeing soldiers preferred to complete early and move on with their day. Meanwhile, those actually carrying out the maintenance duties would spend the remainder of their morning scrubbing themselves clean, if they even cared to, before heading off to their evening work. That was only if there were any slots available. 

Sewage maintenance was the shittiest job quite literally. It also happened to be the job with the highest ration card payout, making it more appealing to those desperate enough to take any shifts FEDRA had to offer. Regardless of the payout, it was still not a highly sought after duty with many people putting their pride over survival. You on the other hand…your name was consistently at the top of the list each and every week. 

You didn’t necessarily need the ration cards given your unique position within the QZ, however, it proved to be quite advantageous in your underground dealings with fellow QZ residents and FEDRA soldiers. The extra cards provided a valuable buffer for negotiations when necessary, as well as served as a safety net when unexpected emergencies popped up. The additional earnings also allowed you to acquire a greater variety of higher-quality supplies for trading with outsiders from the surrounding cities, expanding your clientele to your advantage.

A group of soldiers, all no older than their mid-20’s, just like yourself, were laughing amongst themselves outside the metal gate that led to the tunnels. You were familiar with most of them, having done deals with them at some point or another. Some you knew better than others for various reasons. However, they typically disregarded you, anxious that the things you’ve done for them would come to light. 

Your eyes fixated on them as you approached the opposite side of the fence to wait for Tess; as per usual, your presence to them seemingly went unnoticed. Normally, Tess would be the one waiting for you, however from what she told you last week, she and Joel have been doing more and more deals, working tirelessly day and night. Supposedly they had a pretty huge deal go south recently and she was stuck doing damage control while Joel was busy tracking down those who had wronged them. With this in mind, her tardiness didn’t come to you as a surprise.

Neither Tess nor yourself delved too deeply into the specifics of your respective runs, only name dropping here and there, giving casual warnings on areas and people to stay away from. Despite the general lack of discussion in that regard, there seemed to be an unspoken understanding between the two of you, which is why your bond grew so strong over the past year or so. 

As you glanced at your watch, with ten minutes remaining until the job was set to begin, you sensed a presence come up behind you. Their heat radiated against your cold limbs, making the hair on your arms stand erect, catching on the fabric of your thin and weathered flannel shirt.

“I didn’t expect to see you around today,’ the man’s voice was coarse and laced with sarcasm. A faint smile started to form on your face, but you promptly pressed your lips together to prevent it from manifesting completely.

You rolled your eyes, ensuring the timing was just right for him to witness the reaction you intended for him to see as you turned to face him. The soldier looked down at you with a broad, toothy grin. His dark, curly hair appeared to absorb the sunlight that cast a sliver of light upon the two of you, while his deep brown eyes transformed into a soft bronze hue. It was hard to maintain your straight face as you marveled over him, but you forced yourself to as your fingertips bit into the palms of your hands.

“Roman, always a pleasure,” you responded in a syrupy-sweet tone, with traces of sarcasm lingering heavily in your words. His dimples deepened as his smile grew wider. “I’m sure you’ll thoroughly enjoy watching me shovel shit all morning.” 

Roman let out a brief chuckle, one side of his mouth tugging as his cheek took on a hint of pink. “Well, I’m sure you won’t have to worry about that. You know us; we barely venture past the door, let alone come far enough to watch you all,” he teased. “But, if it’ll make you feel better, I can turn around.” 

“Mmm,” you hummed, sticking your tongue in your cheek. “You're a brave man admitting that to someone like me. Now correct me if I’m wrong, isn’t it your job to observe us?”

He let out another melodious laugh. “I know you won’t tell,” he said, looking down at his fiddling thumbs, contemplating whether to extend a hand towards you or maintain the narrow distance.

“Brave and confident,” As the last bit of playful banter left your lips, laughter emanated from the group on the other side of the gate and your subtle smile dropped to a frown. 

Leaning to the side of Roman and peering around his body, you narrowed your eyes, shooting a glare at the eavesdropping soldiers. Some immediately ceased their snickering, while the others covered their mouths and turned away from you. 

Straightening, you redirected your glare towards Roman. “I suppose the means you told them then,” you spoke in a noticeably quieter tone, your expression authentically serious. He briefly turned away from you, looking at his buddies. Without uttering another word, they promptly vanished into the tunnels, the heavy metal door slamming with a loud thud.

At the same time Roman turned away, you glanced at your watch once more, realizing only a couple minutes remained and Tess had yet to arrive. A thought crossed your mind: perhaps she went inside already? However, you doubted the possibility. After all, who would willingly stay in there longer than necessary? Moreover, it seemed rather out of character for her to not wait for you. You let out an uneasy sigh. 

“Don’t think I had to say much; we were quite… loud, wouldn’t you agree?” He hushed his voice to match yours as he turned back, a breathy chuckle escaping at the end. “And the thin walls…” When you eventually lifted your gaze into his brown eyes, a slight smile formed on your lips. You tried to suppress it by biting your bottom lip but couldn’t entirely succeed. He responded with a gentle smile. “Can I drop by later? Maybe for dinner or… anything really. I just would like to see you outside of work duties and late night drop ins.” His question made your heart flutter, and for some reason, it embarrassed you. 

It wasn’t your usual practice to sleep with FEDRA soldiers, especially those that you knew from doing trades. However, Roman was different, it was a unique situation. And in this lonely world, there were moments when filling that void felt comforting. Eventually, you gave in to the feeling, and Roman just so happened to be there at the time.

At times, the connection with Roman felt genuine–the emotions, the intimacy, the love, the way he looked at you with a hint of something deeper in his eyes. You frequently had to stop yourself from having such thoughts, reminding yourself that both of you were merely two lonely individuals just trying to survive a chaotic reality. In this world, there was no room for love; it was simply an escape, just pure lust to distract from everything around you, even if it was just for half an hour or so. 

You took a moment to reflect on the question, running the tip of your tongue over the grooves of the roof of your mouth. Thoughts of your late-night visits to each other’s apartments flooded your mind quite frequently; more often than you’d care to admit. 

“I’m not sure, Rome,” you mumbled, glazing down at your boots and shaking your head; a few strands of hair slipped out from behind your ear. Your eyes fixated on the torn tips of your boots, with some metal brackets that held the laces missing.

Roman gently grabbed your forearm, pulling you closer to him; you didn’t object to the gesture. The sensation of his calloused palms caused a shock to run right through your core. “If it’s because of them, they–they don’t think anything of it,” Roman hastily replied, his eyes growing intense. He glanced over his shoulder, allowing a loose sigh to escape his lips. “They were just messing around, I promise. I didn’t say anything to them,” his eyes widened, the familiar glimmer appearing once again. “I wouldn’t want to jeopardize this.” A small scoff escaped you as he made the final statement, prompting a confused twitch of his eyebrow.

“This? What is this? ” You voiced the question, even though it was primarily intended for your own contemplation. A brief silence hung between the two of you. Roman allowed his hand to glide down the side of your arm, entwining his fingers with yours. 

“What–” he started to speak but was abruptly cut off. His head snapped in the direction of the voice, eyebrows knitted together in a deep furrow.

“Cruz, duty’s starting,” the voice reverberated from within the tunnel. Roman released an irritated sigh, releasing your hand with hesitance. Avoiding eye contact, he pivoted on his heel, placing his hand between your shoulder blades. 

Without exchanging any further words or glances, the two of you entered the sewage tunnel. The humidity and stench hit you with an intense force, prompting your nostrils to flare in response. You had to muster all your strength not to show any physical reaction. 

Seated behind the table, one of the soldiers passed you a set of work gloves, safety glasses, and a shovel, with some hardened brown matter adhered to the wooden post like cement. The mere appearance of it stirred a sensation of nausea deep within you. As you walked over to the rest of the rest of the unfortunate ones desperate enough to do this, you yanked the piece of fabric tied around your neck up over your mouth and nose and began shoveling at the sluggish piles of God knows what. 

A large portion of your mind remained fixated on the situation with Roman, causing you to entirely overlook Tess and her absence.

The entire time you made a conscious effort to divert your thoughts from the unpleasantry of shoveling literal shit. Instead, you focused on recent deals you had negotiated, strategizing how to execute them, devising timelines, and considering the most effective order to complete the deals. You thought about Roman, switching between self-deprecation for your feelings and entertaining the idea of what it might be like to be with him. Your mind eventually wandered to the numerous nights you've shared, not wanting them to end. You envisioned his sweat trickling down his bare chest onto yours, the way his curls stuck to his forehead, and how his muscles subtly shifted beneath his skin with every movement and thrust.  Engrossed in these thoughts, you entered a state of complete autopilot.

The soldiers assigned to supervise the cleanup typically stayed just beyond the entrance. Despite being repeatedly instructed to stay within a ten-foot radius of the workers to ensure the cleanup met standards and everyone behaved appropriately, they consistently disregarded this instruction. You couldn't entirely fault them, either.

According to Roman, they simply stood there and engaged in conversation until all the workers would return. Occasionally, they placed bets about comical things, such as betting on which civilian would be most likely to return covered in shit or who might cause the most trouble when distributing ration cards. You could never tell if Roman found it genuinely amusing or if he considered it as absurd as you did. You preferred to believe the latter, but perhaps he was clever enough to appear indifferent about it in your presence.

As you turned the corner, now completely disappearing out of the soldiers’ sight, you encountered the sequence of shallow side alleys leading to the primary piping tunnels. Taking a moment to pause, you glanced over your shoulder. No one was behind you; the rest of the group ambled ahead. The tunnels, usually quiet because of people's thoroughly diminished pride, seemed even quieter than usual today.

Tossing some of the residual sludge towards the center of the tunnel, you approached the initial side alley on your right. It was the only one with a functioning light, albeit it was on its last legs. The light flickered consistently, just as it had done last week when Tess hastily pushed you into it.

"Shit," you muttered under your breath, the word escaping in a brief and abrupt manner.

You broke into a run, swiftly catching up to the small group of individuals that showed up today. Most cursed at you as you passed them, only stopping for a short moment to check their faces. The last person at the front of the group was an older man, probably in his late 60’s. He shot you a stern glare as your eyes met his.

"Anyone up ahead?" The words emerged breathy and muffled as you gestured with your covered chin toward the end of the tunnel. He narrowed his eyes at you briefly before giving a slight shake of his head, then returned to his work. Turning in the opposite direction, you began heading back. It was unusual for Tess to miss your coordinated duty day, especially without informing you beforehand.

Everything blurred as you hurried back to the entrance, your mind wholly preoccupied with recalling Tess's words in the alley just last week. Your heart thumped wildly against the walls of your chest, desperately hoping she followed through with her promise to reconsider the run.

“I’ve got a run coming up in a day or two, wanna join?” Tess asked in a hushed voice, a faint smirk gracing her gaunt  face. “Huge payout, you’ll get half.” 

"Half?" You confirmed, almost exasperated by her offer. Turning your head, you heard a pair of wet footsteps echo past the alley. Your stomach dropped, although you knew the soldiers wouldn’t dare to venture this far and no one else would care enough to stop and ask what the two of you were doing. "What's the catch, Tess?" Your tone turned sour as you frowned, suspecting there had to be something.

"Listen—" Her voice raised slightly, and you closed your eyes, exhaling a huff of air through your nostrils.

"I don't like the sound of that," you cut in, shifting all your weight onto the shovel and resting your chin on the top of one of your hands. She took a step closer, her serious expression evident under the flickering dim light.

"No, it's not... it's not bad." Her tone shifted. You stood facing her, fingering the hem of Roman's long-sleeve shirt—the one you mistakenly grabbed instead of your own as you hurried out of his apartment earlier that morning. "It's across the city in Richmond. I have a contact out there who can exchange some equipment for a stockpile of guns. I happen to have another contact here who urgently needs guns. They've promised a year's worth of ration cards in exchange, and–and that would be huge for me, even half would be enough to get Joel and me what we need."

"A year? You don't think they're bluffing?" you inquired, skeptical of the legitimacy of the offer.

"I know they're not. C’mon, I could use someone like you out there." As the lights flickered, the desperation in her eyes became more apparent than before. Tucking your bottom lip between your teeth, you contemplated the offer. A break from sewage maintenance would be nice–just for a month or two and focus purely on trades.

"That's incredibly risky, Tess," you finally voiced. A silence lingered between the two of you; Tess continued to stare at you, hoping you'd change your mind, while you stared at the ground, so close to giving in. "What does Joel say?"

"Joel?" His name seemed almost foreign coming out of her mouth. You didn't know much about the guy, other than the fact that most smugglers were afraid of him and the few pieces of unimportant information Tess occasionally let slip into conversation. "He... he doesn’t want to risk it."

"Perhaps you should reconsider it, then." The words felt painful as they left your throat. Yet, you'd prefer her to be a little upset than somewhere dead.

You were met with more silence from Tess. She was now looking at the ground, the stick of her shovel cradled in the nook of her elbow, with both hands on her hips. You knew how significant this deal was for her—the clients, the payout. Even receiving half would be sufficient to alleviate some of the burden she carried. However, it didn't alter the fact that traveling to that part of the city was a death sentence in itself.

"If you can wait a few more days, I'll go, okay?" Your voice sounded strained. Whether you went or not, she would do this. You knew Tess well enough to know that. "I need to finish up a deal with Nathan, then we can go."

A sickening sensation washed over you when she didn't respond. Tess didn't even look up from the ground; she stood completely still. "No... no, I think I'll reconsider," her words emerged slowly, prompting your eyebrows to rise. Without another word, she brushed past you, her shoulders slightly rounded, and returned to work.

The soldiers appeared to snap to attention at the sound of your wet footsteps under the damp concrete floor. Your breathing was labored and heavy due to a mixture of physical activity and emotional turmoil. They exchanged glances among themselves, none quite certain about what to do. You knew they wouldn't shoot or arrest you, but you weren't necessarily certain they would let you go scot-free.

"What are you—" One of the soldiers, who you’ve heard the others call Tank likely due to his large stature, stepped in front of you. You didn't pause to acknowledge him; that was the last thing on your mind. As you blew past him, your shoulder collided with his, nearly toppling him over by the force. "If you leave now, you won't get your pay." His voice seemed uncertain, devoid of any authority. “ What do we do?” He redirected his attention to his comrades.

Setting down your shovel and returning the provided supplies to the table, you exited the tunnel through the heavy metal door, the sudden bright light nearly blinding you. Raising your hand to your forehead, you shaded your eyes.

The gate emitted a loud squeal as you pushed it open, the metallic sound echoing against the tall surrounding buildings. The noise drew the attention of two soldiers standing near the alley that led back to the street. They didn't attempt to conceal their skeptical looks as you walked toward them. Your chest tightened as one of them took a step towards you; their exchanged words were unintelligible, but based on their expressions, you knew you were about to be confronted with numerous questions.

"Moore, fall back," Roman called out to the approaching soldier, the gate squeaking once again as he pushed against it. Glancing back at him, your eyes showed nothing in particular as your mind remained solely focused on finding Joel and hoping he knew where Tess was. "Hey, hey, slow down." The sound of gravel crunching under boots filled the air as he jogged to catch up with you. Roman grabbed at your shoulder, causing you to come to an abrupt stop. "Is everything okay?"

“I don’t… I don’t feel good, I just need to lay down.” Your words didn’t sound convincing by any means, but you didn’t necessarily need them to be. Roman was loyal enough to cover for you whether he knew the truth or not. “Please don’t say anything.”

His eyes widened as he stared down at you, a glimmer of panic evident. Confusion twisted your face as you glanced behind you, waiting for him to say something. Wiping his hands down the front of his FEDRA-distributed uniform shirt, he took a few steps closer, closing the distance between the two of you.

"You don't think—" he whispered, leaning toward you. Your eyes shot open as you realized the reason for his reaction. “Because we–we’ve been careful.”

“No, no, Roman, definitely not.” Instant relief flooded through him. “But I need you to cover for me okay? Don’t ask me why, just do it… please. ” As soon as he nodded in confirmation, you turned on your heel heading towards the street.

“I’ll stop by later when I get off,” Roman shouted after you, seemingly not caring if anyone else around heard. His voice faded the farther you got. 

Now, he was the last thing on your mind.

You swiftly passed through the now crowded street, walking fast enough to reach Tess' apartment within a reasonable timeframe, but not so fast as to raise suspicion from the soldiers patrolling the streets. Running would signify trouble to them, and the last thing you needed was to be stopped, taken in for questioning, and subjected to whatever else they might feel compelled to do. There, Roman couldn't cover for you.

People halted, shooting you dirty looks and cursing as you bumped into them. 

Approaching the front of the apartment building in Area 4, a group of teenagers hanging out by the entrance suddenly seemed to become interested in you. Quickly catching on, you slowed your pace and loosened your posture, while simultaneously pretending you hadn’t realized. They seemed to form a circle around you as you neared the steps, and one of the larger boys positioned himself in front of the door, blocking your path. The young punk grinned at you, revealing a mouthful of rotting teeth. Staring directly into his eyes, you countered with a smug, annoyed expression while ignoring the others.

"Say lady, I haven't seen you around here before," he said, glancing from side to side, making eye contact with his pals as they closed in. You observed those around you, noticing some were a bit smaller, others a bit bigger, but they were all teens, though some could easily pass as children due to their very apparent nutrition deficiencies. You had dealt with people worse than a handful of punks with nothing better to do than start shit for entertainment.

"Congratulations on your observation skills, FEDRA could really use you on patrols. Can you move now?" you responded amusingly, taking a couple of steps toward the door. A few of the boys snickered.

"Geez lady, I meant it as a compliment." The boy looked you up and down as you descended one step, leaving only one stair between the two of you. Rolling your eyes, waiting for the opportunity to move past him. "What's your business here?"

You let out a small laugh, a bewildered smile appearing on your face. "I only answer to FEDRA. Move ." Your voice remained unwavering and firm. Today was not the day to mess with you—no day was, truly, but especially not today, not when Tess was potentially in danger.

"I'm sure you do, lady," his voice rose an octave, revealing his true youth, and you flinched, feeling the muscles in your neck tighten. The words struck a chord within you, sending pure fire and rage through your veins. If you had no self-control, you would have thrown him down the stairs, sending him toppling over his even younger friends.

"Kevin! " The high-pitched screech of a lady echoed from above. Fear quickly filled the boy’s eyes as everyone turned their attention upward. A slender woman with gaunt cheeks peered out from the window. Her eyes resembled an endless abyss of darkness, and even from the fourth story, the emptiness within them was noticeable. Looking back at the teen, his complexion had gone ashen, he grimaced as he continued staring at the woman. He eventually shrugged as to say what? “Get your ass up here, right now, and do not make me come down there and drag you up those fucking stairs again.”

A few passersby halted in their tracks, drawn by the angered mother, before eventually moving on. Meanwhile, the boy’s so-called friends engaged in hushed conversations among themselves, punctuated by the occasional laughter.

"Mommy's calling, Kev," you quipped, and he quickly redirected his focus toward you. Clearly embarrassed, he flung the door open with such force that the front side smacked against the brick building. The others who still lingered let out boisterous bursts of laughter.

You halted the door with the palm of your hand as it started to swing back. Kevin's footsteps, fueled by a mix of anger and embarrassment, reverberated throughout the building. The echoes of his heavy steps were accompanied by a symphony of coughs, hushed whispers, and the distant cries of a baby from one of the levels above. This was your first time stepping foot in this section of apartments. Cracks ran up the walls and you followed the lines with your eyes as they spiderwebbed out across the ceiling; chunks of plaster had crumbled away, revealing the inner parts of the framework. A dense layer of dust and dirt had settled on the floor, with the damp corners transforming into a mud-like substance. You thought your building was a shithole, but this one certainly shifted your perspective. If the hallways were this bad, you could only imagine the condition of the actual apartments.

Tess and you never disclosed the exact details of your residences within the Boston QZ. There were small references scattered throughout your conversations: a shared connection residing in her building, a tidbit of valuable intel picked up from a soldier in yours, Tess frequently mentioned an entrance to a tunnel system in her basement, and you revealed a vulnerability in the wall behind your place—a FEDRA-secured spot discreet enough to go unnoticed yet fragile enough for someone with the right knowledge to exploit. Tess had told you just enough information for you to assume she lived in Area 4. 

Uncertain of Joel's whereabouts, you pondered the possibility that he ended up going with Tess. However, one thing was clear: erring on the side of caution seemed wiser. Plus, the prospect of a day spent in anticipation had a certain appeal, certainly better than your other options.

Upon returning to the building's entrance and starting to ascend the steps, a voice captured your attention. "What brings you to this part of the QZ?" The tone carried a blend of amusement and genuine curiosity.

"Hannah, what... where have you been?" Your heart sank as you turned and examined her face. In a different world, you might have embraced her, shedding tears of joy at her mere existence. But this was not that kind of world. “I thought you were dead.” Your voice became eerily quiet as your throat began to burn. 

“Got sent to the hole for a week…then a month.” She replied, the bruised swelling on her cheek evidence of her troublesome ordeal. “Turns out those FEDRA bastards aren’t all talk.” Her mouth curved into a frown, and her voice took on a small, almost melancholic tone. The implications of her words made your stomach twist into a tight knot.

“I’m sorry. You just got out?” you inquired, tracing your thumbnail along the pad of your index finger. She nodded before heading toward the stairs on the opposite side of the hallway. With a quick motion of her head, she gestured for you to follow her. You wondered: Perhaps she would know where Tess lives.

The two of you ascended the narrow staircase in silence. The nature of your usual conversations was not suitable for casual hallway talk, especially with the ever-attentive ears around.

“Seriously though, what are you doing here?” In a hushed tone, Hannah asked when you reached the third floor of the building, glancing nervously over her shoulder. Your hamstrings throbbed from the steps, and a wave of dizziness washed over you due to your lack of nutrition. You waited for the small child accompanied by an elderly lady to pass by, allowing them to create some distance before responding.

“I’m looking for Tess and Joel, you wouldn’t happen to know which unit is their’s?” Your voice quivered unmistakably as the words escaped your lips. The moment you uttered their names, Hannah halted, fixating on you with a vacant expression. She rubbed her lips together a few times before releasing a nervous sigh.

“Why?” The word came out like a tautly pulled string, resonating deep with tension.

“It’s not–it’s not like that I promise.” The desperation grew stronger when you realized Hannah, in fact, knew where she lived. “I can’t tell you much, you know how it is. I haven’t seen her in a week and I’m worried, okay? I just want to make sure she’s okay, or at least try and see if Joel knows.”

Hannah scoffed, a wince accompanying the smile that graced her face as her bruised cheek lifted. “Good luck with Joel. But- uh…” She let your voice trail off as if she were contemplating. “They’re on the fourth floor, room 402. It’s down the hall from the stairs, second room on the left. If I find out you–”

“Hannah, I promise.” You cut her off before she could finish. Her look softened as you both came up to her door. “I owe you one, seriously.”

She nodded a few times, lingering in the doorway of her apartment, avoiding eye contact with you. Uncertain of what else to say, you offered her a pitiful smile before turning away and heading back towards the stairs. “Hey,” Hannah yelled out to you as you walked away, causing you to turn back toward her. She glanced around cautiously before locking eyes with you. “If you go out again, be careful. Things are really… they’re getting bad.” Her voice barely reached your ears. With a single nod, you turned away, the sound of the door clicking and locking behind you.

The peephole seemed to stare back at you as you stood in front of the door. Almost ten minutes had passed since you found the apartment–room 402. The initial few minutes were occupied by your hand hesitating in mid-air, contemplating whether to knock. The past several minutes were spent pacing the vacant, dark hallway. You weren’t afraid of what was behind the door, despite the things you’ve heard about Joel, you harbored no fear for him. Your hesitation stemmed from what you might find out once that door opens.

You released a forced exhale through your nose, embarrassment and foolishness swelling within your chest. Using the meaty side of your fist, you pounded against the door three times. You took a step back, biting your lip in anticipation. Your ears strained as you tried to catch any indication of someone behind the door. After a few minutes passed with no response, you decided it wouldn't hurt to try one more time— one last attempt before you staked out on the ground and waited for someone to return, hopefully soon.

Again, you pounded on the door three times, this time a bit louder and with more force. Before taking a step back, you tried twisting the door knob, just to check–it was locked, as you expected it to be. A lot of people didn’t care, leaving their doors unlocked as nothing they had was ever truly their’s, but Tess had more at stake, and she was well aware of that.

Your attention sharpened at the sound of something falling inside the apartment. Leaning in, you pressed your ear against the door, furrowing your brows as you strained to concentrate on the muffled noises within. The muted murmur of a man's voice and the persistent scraping of wood against wood resonated in your ears. The vibrations from approaching footsteps reverberated through the ground, growing louder as the person neared the door causing you to straighten once again.

A gust of wind hit you as the door swung open, revealing a middle-aged man, his hair dark and wavy with whisps of gray and a patchy salt and pepper beard; you assumed this was Joel. “What?” His voice, laden with grogginess and hostility, carried a biting edge within that single word, nearly causing you to flinch. He wasn't looking at you; it seemed as though he was staring right through you. Your lips parted, but nothing came out. 

As he reached to close the door, his hand curling around its edge, you took a single step forward. “You know where Tess is?” Your words were calm yet firm, just as you intended. You could see the cords of muscles in his forearm strain as he halted the movement of the door.

"What do ya want with Tess?" His question almost sounded like a test, his eyes narrowing at you as he leaned against the doorframe. Glancing in your peripheral vision, you suddenly realized how isolated you actually were; the fear of the Joel Miller amongst the smugglers began to seep through your veins, making you feel awfully small.

Straightening your posture and tilting your chin up, you looked him in his eyes. You couldn’t tell if his eyes were dark as night, or if his pupils were simply dilated to hell. “Haven’t seen her since last week and she didn’t meet up with me this morning like she usually does, just wanted to make sure all was good.” You responded, aiming for a neutral tone to avoid sounding too overbearing. 

Joel ran his tongue over the front of his top teeth, looking you up and down with a gaze as hard as stone. Nothing was behind those eyes of his, which made your stomach twist and turn. You’ve dealt with a lot of different kinds of people over the last several long and grueling years, enough to learn that someone having nothing behind their eyes, is not a good sign. 

To your surprise, he allowed the door to swing open, its weight pulling it toward the back wall. Without uttering a word, he turned away. Taking it as an unspoken invitation, you entered, surveying the apartment before you. It was somewhat as you had imagined—dimly lit and dilapidated, but undeniably lived in.

The rotting wooden floor planks creaked under your steps as you crossed the threshold. He gestured toward the table, just past the door, indicating a chair. Walking deeper into the apartment, he headed to the kitchen, grabbing something off the counter. Pulling out the chair to face him, you observed the muscles in his back shifting under the dark green button-down. His elbow peeked out through a worn part of the shirt.

“So, do you know what she’s up to or not?” Urgency slipped into your words, evident enough for Joel to turn toward you, leaning against the edge of the counter. In one hand he held a glass bottle of liquor, in the other was an empty glass. For a moment, he stared at you, and you stared back, hardening your eyes.

“She’ll be back in a bit, she had some trade to do this morning.” He replied rather cooly as he stared into the bottom of the shallow glass. He blew into it to clear any dust that had settled. A sense of relief washed over you, however, a bit of confusion manifested. Some trade? You thought, wondering why she dipped in sewage and didn’t tell you beforehand. 

Tapping the tips of your fingers one by one softly on the table, you realized the piles of pills on the table, some in baggies, others scattered messily along the surface. Your eyebrows knitted together, the sun catching on the glass of empty bottles gleamed in your eye. Pills and alcohol. The sound of Joel belching caused your attention to flick back to him, his dilated pupils now making sense. 

“Mind if I wait here for her, we’ve got some urgent business to discuss.” You watched him carefully as he poured some of the liquor into the glass, throwing it back in one swallow.

He shook his head. “Be my guest.” His tone was sarcastic, sliding the glass onto the table as he passed you, making way for the bed that was just past the living room area.

Bite The Hand: Chapter Two

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[harrysfinelinevol1]

christmas with you

harry styles x female OC

summary: written in harry's pov. a small one-shot detailing a sweet family christmas with harry's wife and his child. he's gone overboard with presents for them both, but will a special surprise from her beat out any gift he had given?

word count: 6.7k

warnings: smut

Bliss.

That was the best word I could use to describe how I was feeling at this moment. Just utter bliss.

We sat in the back of a quaint old church, quietly listening to the melodic carolling, and I had never been happier. No amount of sold-out shows, albums produced or awards won could ever inspire this much happiness within me.

I looked to my left and took in the sight that was responsible for all my joy. My wife and my child.

My nearly two-year-old, Finn, had his chubby little hand wrapped around a strand of his mother's hair. She didn't mind, she was absentmindedly stroking his head as she cradled him against her chest and listened to the music. Finn was behaving immaculately throughout this, despite my wife, Cara, being convinced that he wouldn't be able to make it through the first 20 minutes. I was more optimistic, choosing to have more faith in my child's ability to sit through a carol service despite it being close to his bedtime.

My optimism had paid off however and the feeling of being sat with my small family on Christmas Eve listening to carols was something I wouldn't trade for the world.

I took my focus off my son for a bit and looked up at my wife. She looked ethereal in the low candlelight, her face glowing despite the stress that came along with Christmas Eve. Granted that stress was mostly caused by me not getting the right Christmas crackers from Waitrose, even though I'm not entirely sure how you can get the wrong Christmas crackers. Nevertheless, I had been in the dog house for most of the day and therefore was stuck on child duty. Luckily I had found a website where Finn and I could track Santa's movements across the globe and although I'm pretty sure Finn hasn't quite grasped the concept of Santa yet, he was still enthralled with the graphics that kept popping up whenever "Santa" reached a new place.

Back to my wife. Despite the ticking off and the nagging I had endured today, I had never been more in love with her. There were not enough words in the English language to describe how I felt about her. She had entered my life when I needed her the most and had stuck by my side through it all. Then she had gone and given me the greatest gift I'd ever received. She made me a father and for that, I was eternally grateful.

I sat there for a while, just admiring them. The way Finn nuzzled his head into his mother's chest as he grew more tired, and the soft kisses she pressed to his head as she shifted him into a more comfortable position. I watched on as he began to get a bit fussy, a clear sign he was ready to sleep, but my wife barely batted an eyelid. She soothingly rubbed his back and soon enough his eyes were drooping and with a huff, he slowly fell asleep. As gently as I could, I looped my arm around Cara's shoulders and pulled her into my side. A lazy smile grew on her face as she settled her head on my shoulder and continued to cradle our child. I peeked down at my sleeping son, the feeling of happiness growing so much in my chest that I thought I would explode.

"I love you both so much," I whispered quietly to my wife, pressing a kiss to her forehead.

"We love you too," she murmured back, "Best dad ever."

My heart swelled more at those words if that was even possible. When I found out Cara was pregnant, I had spent months stressing that I wouldn't be able to be a good dad due to the nature of my work and spent many sleepless nights fearing that I wouldn't be present enough for the both of them. Once I had opened up to Cara about it, however, she came up with the solution in seconds.

For the first six months of Finn's life, I essentially fell off the face of the planet. I set up a recording studio in the basement of our London home so I could keep writing but also be right there for Cara and Finn. It meant Cara could have her support network around her as they lived nearby and I put my foot down hard whenever anyone suggested touring. I missed it, touring had been my favourite thing to do, but the minute Finn was born, he was my new favourite thing. The moment he was placed in my arms, I thought nothing would ever top that feeling ever again. Yet every day I seem to top that feeling again and again. Even on the hardest of days, they both will make a smile creep onto my face.

It was actually Cara who pushed me back into touring again. I was adamant about staying in London till Finn was at least 1, but Cara insisted. I had released an album that I worked on during her pregnancy and the first months of Finn's life and she knew I wanted to perform it. So at 7 months, we packed up our lives and they joined me on tour. It was stressful but entirely worth it. There was nothing like the elation I felt when I would run off stage and be met by my smiling baby and gorgeous wife.

I had toured for a year and a bit, finishing up about a month ago, more than long enough to appease my fans and myself. I was now working on my next album, as well as undertaking a few side projects but with the majority of my focus remaining on my family. Especially as Cara was going to start a new job in January. She was going to be working part-time as a lawyer for a charity she was incredibly passionate about. It thrilled me to see her be so excited about her new venture and I was willing to do whatever it took to help her realise her dreams. It meant that I was going to be taking over on the childcare front and honestly, I had no complaints.

Plus, I recorded some of my last album with Finn securely strapped to my chest in his baby carrier, and for some reason, Cara was very turned on by the sight of me being a dad while singing.

As I said, no complaints.

I felt a small nudge in my side, and I looked up to see the carol service had finished and the people around us were already up and collecting my belongings. I had properly zoned out thinking about my family. I blinked out of my stupor and looked over at my wife who was amusedly observing me.

"You back with us?" she jested as she slowly got up, trying not to disturb the sleeping baby in her arms and reach down to get her coat. I jumped into action, snagging up her coat from the pew and carefully lifting my son onto my chest so she could slip it on.

"Sorry, went somewhere else for a second there," I replied, cradling Finn's head against my shoulder so he stayed sleeping.

"Penny for your thoughts?"

"Just thinking about us. Finn's first years," I said, slipping my free hand into hers as I kept a secure hold on my son. I watched as her face lit up, her eyes twinkling with love and adoration as she peered up at me.

"That right? You're too sweet," she cooed as we left the church, picking up the pace on the way to the car so Finn wouldn't be disturbed by the cold air.

"Only for you, my darling," I grinned back at her, slipping my hand out of hers so I could rummage around in my pockets for the car keys. Once they were found, I quickly unlocked the door and Cara helped me settle Finn into his car seat before we clambered into the front seats, blasting the heat to warm us up.

"Fuck, it was cold in that church," I exclaimed as I rubbed my hands in an attempt to warm them. Cara fixed me with a harsh glare, gesturing to my sleeping son in the back.

"Harry, what have I said about swearing in front of Finn?! I swear I just fall on deaf ears half the time," she chastised as she turned the key in the ignition, starting up the car. I sheepishly smiled back at her.

"Sorryyyyyy," I drew out, and she chuckled and shook her head.

"Those puppy dog eyes might have worked when you were 25 Styles, but they sure as hell don't anymore."

"Growing up sucks," I huffed, slumping down in my seat.

"And yet you still act like a child," my wife teased back.

My mouth widened in indignation, "What's got into you this evening?!"

"Won't be you," she swiftly replied, and my mouth fell open even wider.

"Angel! You're joking right?!" I asked desperately. She just shrugged non-committedly, and I crossed my arms like an angry toddler. I was one step away from stomping my foot.

I could see the glimmer of amusement growing on her face and a cheeky smile was playing at the corner of her lips. I couldn't help my own smile that threatened to emerge at her enjoyment and soon all was forgotten.

I switched on the radio to a gentle classical channel in the hopes it would keep Finn asleep throughout the drive but Cara looked in the rearview mirror at our son and sighed.

"I'm going to have to wake him up to feed him when we get back. I should have done it at the service, but I felt weird whipping a tit out in church," she explained.

I chuckled at her words before replying, "You feed him, and I'll get dinner ready. If you're lucky, I might throw a champagne cocktail into the mix."

"Oh god, yes please," she gasped, "I've been hoping you would say that all day."

"Is that why you've been so crabby with me?"

"I have not!" she cried indignantly, "I was just slightly annoyed about the crackers,"

"I think the word "slightly" underestimates it, darling."

We bickered most of the way home, even though both of us weren't angry at all. Cara just liked winding me up and I would never back off. We almost got Finn to the door without waking him but then I dropped the house keys, and in my attempt to pick them up, I bashed my head on the doorknob. Cursing ensued and soon, Finn's sleepy eyes were blinking at me in confusion. When he saw I wasn't smiling and clearly in a lot of pain, he let out a piercing wail, which had me hurrying to the door in order to unlock it before he disturbed the entire neighbourhood.

Cara was less than sympathetic, only giving me an annoyed glance as she carried our screaming baby up the stairs to try and get him settled. I flounced off the kitchen, huffing as clearly no one cared about my sore head.

I busied myself with dinner, smiling as I could hear Cara reading Finn a bedtime story through the baby monitor. The Gruffalo was his new obsession of the month and we had maybe read it to him at least 50 times now, but he was still enthralled every time I picked up the book. I'd like to note that my storytelling was a thousand times better than Cara's, as I would often act out the books I was reading, whereas Cara preferred a calmer approach. Granted, my actions would rile Finn up to the point of him not sleeping after, but where's the fun in just sitting still?

I got started on the champagne cocktails, in the hope that if I had one ready when Cara reemerged, we could forget about the whole keys incident. Luckily, it worked a charm, when she came into the kitchen, dressed in my shirt and some sweatpants, her eyes clocked the drink and therefore she looped her hands around my waist from behind and pressed a soft kiss to my shoulder.

"Did he go down ok?" I asked, peering over my shoulder as I continued to stir the sauce.

"Like a charm. Your son sleeps like a log," she commented, pulling away from me and reaching for her glass. "God these are fantastic H."

I grabbed my glass too, and clinked it against hers, sighing as I took a sip, the sweet yet bitter drink warming my head slightly.

"Dinners almost ready sweetheart, wanna eat it at the table or in front of the TV?"

She stared at me like I was stupid for even asking.

"TV obviously. Paddington's on." I laughed quietly, my wife's obsession with Paddington was second to none.

"Alright love, go sit down, I'll bring this through," I gently pecked her lips before she left, just to remind her that I loved her more than anything.

It was as I was plating the food, I felt a wet snout press against my leg and I almost screamed bloody murder. My border collie, Milo, had this infuriating habit of sneaking up on you out of nowhere and scaring the life out of you.

"Jesus Milo," I cursed as I tried to calm down my heart. Despite his jumpscare, his soft brown eyes melted my demeanour and I gave him a little pat on the head and snuck him a piece of chicken that I had set aside for him. Pleased with his treasure, he trotted off in search of my wife, who I knew he preferred anyway.

"Jammy bastard," I muttered before picking up the bowls of food and bringing them into the living room. Cara was already curled up on the couch watching the film, and I glared at Milo as he had stolen the spot beside my wife. He just blinked lazily back at me from where he had settled his head on Cara's knee.

"Thank you my love," she smiled softly at me as I passed her the bowl, and even though I couldn't sit next to her due to my oaf of a dog, the gratification was enough to see me through.

I couldn't keep my eyes off my wife the entire time, watching with pure adoration as she watched the movie. She cried when Pastuzo died, laughed herself silly when Mr Brown dressed up as a woman and gasped loudly when Paddington almost fell down into the fire.

Her gasp disturbed Milo, who had had enough of my wife now and therefore padded off to his bed in the corner of the room. As quick as lightning I got up and slid down next to her, pulling her legs over mine and looping my arm around her shoulders.

"That bloody dog. Always steals you from me," I grumbled.

"It was your idea to get the dog."

"Yeah but now he loves you more than me! How's that fair," I sighed in frustration but she soothed me by running one of her hands through my hair.

"You pick up his shit at 7am then, he might like you more," she suggested, and I shook my head.

"You do such a good job of it though," I said, closing my eyes in bliss at the feeling of Cara's hands in my hair.

The movie ended shortly after that, but we remained cuddling on the couch for a while, enjoying the peace that surrounded us as we knew it wouldn't last long. Tomorrow most of my family would be descending upon us as well as Cara's brother, so it was going to be actual chaos.

I groaned as she stopped her movements and swung her legs off me.

"Nooo come back, it felt so good," I whined, my eyes still shut.

"I can think of something that would make you feel better," she replied coyly and my eyes snapped open, hoping she was suggesting what I thought she was.

"Angel..." I groaned before she cut me off.

"And you can have it..." I leapt up at her words before she raised her hand to stop me, "...if you finish wrapping Finn's presents first."

I flopped back down on the couch in disappointment, knowing Finn had at least three more presents that needed to be wrapped.

"You're such a tease," I squinted up at her and she giggled at me before going to leave the room, swaying her hips as she did. My eyes were firmly glued to her arse.

"Better get wrapping Styles..."

Now, if there is a record for how fast someone could wrap three presents, I would have beaten it by miles. My hands were a flurry of movements, and it was probably a shocking job, but Finn was a year old and didn't really have a concept of good or bad wrapping.

I took the stairs two at a time, trying to be quiet as I passed Finn's room and flung the door open to the master bedroom.

My mouth dried up as I took in the sight in front of me. My wife was naked on the bed, her blonde hair splayed out on the pillow around her and her hand was firmly in between her legs. Her back arched off the bed as she brushed her fingers over her most sensitive spot and my mouth dropped open.

"What took you so long?" she purred, continuing her movements between her legs, "I'm almost there."

At her words, I was over to her in a flash, batting her hand away from her mound before hooking her legs over my shoulders and burying my face in her pussy.

"AH...fuck Harry," she cried out, her hands going down to tangle themselves in my hair as I devoured her, my tongue running up her slit and circling her clit, nipping it slightly.

I moved one of my hands off her thigh and slipped it round her leg, making her jolt as my fingers feathered her centre. I moved the other hand to her breast, squeezing it roughly as I pushed my finger inside her and continued to lap at her folds.

“Oh fuck… Harry… oh my…” she gasped as I continued thrusting my finger, pushing two in at this point and I could feel her getting closer and closer. So in true Styles form, I stopped.

"No, Harry, please don't stop," she cried, wiggling her hips in an attempt to relieve the ache I knew was radiating between her legs. I unhooked her legs from my shoulders, and moved up her, flinging off my top in the process.

"If you're coming tonight, you're coming around my cock," I murmured in her ear, knowing how much it would turn her on. Sure enough, she reached for the button on my trousers and began frantically trying to open them, as I pressed soft kisses along her jaw just to make her job harder.

Eventually, she got them off, and I reached down to yank my boxers off too so we were both naked, pressed up against each other. As I lined myself up with her, I took a moment to admire her beneath me. She looked incredible, her hair mussed up from moving around on the bed and a light sheen on her skin from our activities. I leaned down and pressed the softest of kisses to her lips, my necklace trailing against her chest.

I broke away and pressed my forehead to hers as I pushed into her, both of us moaning loudly in ecstasy as I filled her out, my tip brushing her most sensitive spot. Luckily Finn's room was quite a way down the corridor to protect his innocent ears.

I began slowly at first, willing to take my time with it as I wanted to savour it all, but my wife had other ideas.

"More," she whispered huskily in my ear and I had to comply.

"Fuck me, my girl wants more," I groaned as I reached down and grasped one of her thighs. She wanted more, she'd get more. I thrust harshly into her, her grip on my back tightening as I picked up the pace. With my other hand, I pulled her arms above her head, pinning her wrists down. It did the trick, and she began crying out my name as she came closer to her orgasm.

"Please," she barely managed to speak at this point and I smiled to myself, proud I could still fuck her hard enough to the point she was incoherent.

"Give it to me. That’s it, give it to me now," I demanded as I pounded into her, groaning as I felt her muscles clench around me. I slowed down slightly as her climax fired through her, her eyes shut tight as she let out an ungodly moan.

After she had settled, I continued to slowly rock into her, chasing my own end as she blinked up at me, staring at me like I'd hung the moon and stars.

"My angel, my love," I sighed as I ducked down to kiss her neck and her jaw. I let her wrists go and she lazily looped them around my shoulders, pulling me into her.

"Let go for me," she encouraged in my ear and my thrusts became more sloppy as the ball in my stomach tightened and tightened before I was tipping over the edge and releasing inside of her.

"Fuck!" I gasped out, burying my head in her shoulder, my hips shuddering against her as I rode out my orgasm.

I went to pull out of her but was met by a grumble of discontent, so I carefully settled down on top of her for a bit, just listening to her breathing. I almost fell asleep before Cara knudged me.

"Get off me now you lump," she ordered and I laughed loudly as I carefully pulled out of her, wincing at my sensitivity.

"And they say romance is dead," I joked as I climbed off the bed before picking up my wife and carrying her into our en-suite. I set her down in the shower before grabbing a cloth and carefully wiping our releases away, pressing gentle kisses to her thighs as I did so. Her hand never left my head as I worked, her fingers tangling in my locks. We then washed our bodies quickly, desperate to get back into bed.

It was just as we got ourselves settled into bed, with the lights off, that Cara piped up again.

"Did you put the stockings up?"

"Fuck!"

-

The next morning, I was feeling a bit selfish and it was Christmas Day after all. I woke early, having a one-year-old had me up by 6am most mornings even though Finn was starting to sleep later. Recognising the benefits of my situation, I decided to have a little fun.

I was spooning Cara, my arm firmly wrapped around her waist so I slowly moved my hand downwards until I found the lace band of her underwear. She moved lightly in her sleep, but her eyes remained shut so I continued my movements. I pushed my hand under her pants, my fingers quickly finding her centre which was becoming slicker with desire the more I played with her.

Her eyes fluttered open, and she lazily smiled up at me, moaning slightly at the feeling between her legs. This wasn't the first time I had woken her up like this and she loved it every time.

"Want you," she mumbled, eyes still heavy with sleep but flashing that please make love to me again look.

"Anything for you, my love," I murmured back as I pulled my hand away and pushed down her underwear and mine. I gently lifted her leg and slowly pushed into her from behind.

Cara and I have always had a vibrant sex life, and we hadn't held back from exploring each other's kinks but this kind of sex was my favourite. Slow and lazy in the early morning, when I could really appreciate her quiet gasps and moans emitting from her perfect lips. I revelled in the softness of her skin and the beauty of her natural features that still held remnants of sleep.

I bought us slowly to our climaxes, holding her close as she shuddered against me, the tightness of her muscles around me helping me find my end almost simultaneously.

After I had slipped out of her and cleaned her up, I realised by some miracle, Finn still wasn't up and I had a few more blissful moments to hold her before the chaos of the day ensued.

"Merry Christmas H," she whispered in my ear as we lay together, pressing a small kiss to the skin just below my ear.

"Merry Christmas Angel," I responded turning my head to rub my nose against hers. I was about to lean in for a kiss before a rustling sound came through the baby monitor.

"Mumma, Mumma," Finn's voice squeaked and I chuckled, before pushing myself upright, my wife doing the same.

"I've got him, you go sort out the dog," she ordered, automatically going into mum mode at the sound of her son's cries.

"Yes ma'am," I saluted her causing her to glance at me, already annoyed.

"Harry, we've got an awfully long day ahead of us, do not get on my nerves," she warned, fixing me with a harsh glare.

"Me!? I would never, darling," I sent her a cheeky grin, already knowing that somehow I would definitely get on her nerves today.

She huffed and flounced off to deal with our son, while I got dressed for the day and went to let Milo out to do his business. I got started on breakfast and some bucks fizz for Cara and me because I knew quite a quantity of alcohol was going to be needed to get us through today.

As I was frying the bacon, I could hear the soft pad of Cara's feet on the stairs as well as her talking away to Finn.

"Can you say Santa buddy? San-ta" she cooed at him.

"San...ta" Finn managed to get out and my heart swelled with pride at such a simple action.

"Well done Finny! Mummy is very proud of you! And because you've been so good, Santa might have bought you some presents!"

"Presents mumma?" I heard him squeak in response as they got closer to the kitchen.

"Yes, lots of presents my darling. But shall we go see Daddy first?"

"Dada, dada," he squealed and a large grin worked its way onto my face at my son's excitement over seeing me. His squeals of delight got louder as he saw me and I came over to the both of them to pick up Finn out of Cara's arms.

"Merry Christmas Bud!" I exclaimed, peppering kisses all over his face as peals of laughter poured out of him.

"Christmas Dada!" he responded, delighted at the attention I was giving him. Cara took over on the breakfast front, watching us with extreme fondness on her face.

At that moment Merry Xmas Everybody by Slade came on the radio and I started dancing around the kitchen with Finn on my hip, loudly singing along to the lyrics. Finn was in bits, laughing at my movements and slapping my face in appreciation with his little hands. I'd performed for millions of people across the world but Finn and Cara were the best audience by miles.

After the song had finished, Cara took Finn back out of my arms shaking her head at my behaviour, "You know Finn, your daddy is supposed to sing for a job! It's a miracle we have any money!"

"Cara!"

-

Our families soon arrived, Gemma's kids using me as a jungle gym from the minute they came piling through the door. I had my nephew wrapped around my leg, and my niece sitting on my shoulders. In return, Gemma was carrying around my comparatively calm son, who was not making her life difficult in any way.

We decided to do presents at ours, which was probably the worst idea I've ever had. It meant double the wrapping paper all over the floor and double the chaos. Kids were screaming, adults were trying to control the carnage and Cara and my mum quickly escape the room in search of another drink. Leaving me in charge.

Eventually, I got the other kids sorted and took my little family off into a corner to open Finn's presents away from all the chaos. I had him in my lap, my hands holding his little tummy as he opened up all his presents, laughing with glee each time a new toy appeared. As I said, every day Finn inspired a feeling of joy in me that surpassed any similar feeling I had experienced before.

"Santa is the bestest, isn't he daddy!" Finn exclaimed breaking me out of my thoughts.

Yeah, Santa is the best. Santa also owes Daddy close to £500 for all the toys that Santa has supposedly gifted.

Finn clambered out of my lap at this point and toddled over to my mum to show her all his new gifts, leaving Cara and me sitting on the ground facing each other.

"Where did all those extra presents come from eh? I thought we agreed on five?" Cara scolded seeing as Finn had just happily unwrapped eight presents.

"You know I can't help myself love, I want to spoil you both." She huffed at my reply but didn't argue anymore. I knew it made her immensely happy to see Finn so overjoyed with his gifts.

"Speaking of," I continued, reaching over to grab her pile of presents from the tree, "Your turn."

I gently placed the presents in her lap, loving the way a shy smile grew on her face at the sight of her gifts. She carefully unwrapped the first one, to try and preserve the wrapping paper. My son took after me, frantically ripping presents apart with no care for mess or recycling but Cara was insistent we try to reuse wrapping paper.

First, she opened up the book I'd bought her, one from a series she was reading and she had been on my case about the next one for weeks. Little did she know, I'd bought it months ago, knowing my wife too well. Even though she knew she was getting it, her eyes glinted with happiness and she gave me a small kiss in appreciation.

It usually took me and Cara a while to unwrap gifts, we were quite touchy people, so every gift was usually followed by some small physical act of affection.

She moved on to the next box out of the three, this one being quite large and she eyed me suspiciously as she began to unwrap it. She gasped when the box came into view, the iconic Burberry logo shining up at her.

"Oh my god Harry," she whispered in shock, and I twisted my rings in anticipation, hoping to god she liked it.

She tentatively lifted off the lid of the box and raised her hand to her mouth when she saw the Burberry coat lying in there. I knew she'd always wanted this coat, I had caught her staring at pictures of it one too many times on her laptop. I just hoped she didn't mind me buying it for her.

"Thought it would be nice for you to have a new coat," I nervously explained, "You know, for when you go back to work"

I was desperately trying to gauge her reaction as she sat there staring at the coat in her hands and I began to get a bit worried before she launched herself at me, arms flung around my shoulder. I immediately embraced her back, overjoyed at her happiness at my gift.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you!" she squealed into my shoulder, pulling back to press a long kiss against my lips.

"That's ok sweetheart, knew you had been after it for a while," I chuckled as I lovingly cupped her cheek, noting the way her eyes were shining with happy tears.

"I love you so much," she whispered, and I almost felt like crying at her words. I could never understand how I had got so lucky with this literal angel that had fallen into my arms, she was everything I had hoped for in a partner and so much more.

"I love you to angel. Always," I responded, linking my pinky finger with hers and kissing our interlocked fingers, something we had always done ever since my One Direction days.

I shifted her off my lap and then handed her my final present, "Come on, one more, then I wanna open mine."

She chuckled at my childlike impatience and reached for the last gift, a small box.

"This better not have been expensive," she warned me as she was unwrapping it. As usual, her warnings went unheard, and she raised her hand to her mouth as she saw the signature blue of the Tiffany's box underneath the paper.

"Harry," she started, tears welling up in her eyes again, but I raised my hand to stop her, sensing a fight coming my way.

"Don't fight me on this baby, I wanted to get this for you. Stop worrying about the price." In all honesty, the coat had cost more anyway.

With shaking hands, she opened up the little bag and pulled out a gorgeous silver angel necklace. I had been in New York a couple weeks ago and saw it in the shop window and I just knew I had to buy it. I hadn't even planned on it but I knew it was perfect for her.

"Oh my god Harry, it's beautiful," I heard a voice gush behind me. I turned around and saw my mother staring at the necklace with a look of wonder on her face. She then turned her eyes to me, a look of pride overcoming her face and she leant down to press a kiss on my forehead.

I knew what she was trying to say to me through those actions and I gave her hand a squeeze in return. My mum had been instrumental in teaching both me and my sister how to treat our significant others, and despite my parent's rocky relationship, I'd like to think Gemma and I came out alright.

My attention turned back to my wife, who was admiring the pendant, tears rolling down her cheeks. She looked up at me then, her face full of elation before leaning forward and pressing a soft and gentle kiss to my lips before pulling away and resting her forehead against mine.

I reached down and pulled the necklace out of her hand before reaching around her and securing it behind her neck. Her hand came up to feel the necklace against her chest but her eyes never left mine. Sometimes I couldn't believe I'd been with this girl for over ten years and I was still this gone for her.

"My presents are gonna be shit in comparison," she chuckled but I shook my head at her joke.

"Anything that you gift me is something I'll always treasure," I assured her, squeezing her shoulder as she smiled bashfully back at me before reaching over to get her presents.

She had got me quite a few, and I rushed to get through them all. There was a new pair of headphones that I really needed, seeing as I broke the old ones, as well as several cool t-shirts she had found in vintage shops, recognising my love for t-shirts with wacky designs. Plus I think she wants me to stop wearing the 'safe sex' t-shirt around the house as it wasn't exactly family-friendly.

I eventually reached the last present, it was a small box with an envelope attached to it, and if I hadn't been so curious about its contents, I would have noticed how nervous Cara got.

"Uh, so this one is from both Finn and me," she explained, beckoning Finn over to us and I smiled as he crashed into his mother's arms causing my wife to grunt at the force of it.

"Finn mate, slow it down yeah," I chastised him as I began to open the card.

"Wait, wait, open the card last," Cara frantically stopped me, and I eyed her with suspicion.

"What are you up to darling?" I queried as I put the card back down and reached for the box. I opened it and found a stunning gold necklace inside, with three circular pendants hanging off it. At closer inspection, I found that two of them were engraved, with a C and an F.

"It's our initials. I know you wanted a necklace with someone to do with us on it and that's the best I could do," she explained humbly.

"The best you could do! Cara this is incredible, love, I have no words," I admitted, turning over the necklace in my hand, sniffing slightly as tears pricked my eyes. I had mentioned to Cara recently that I wanted something I could wear that represented her and Finn. I had already got tattoos for both of them but I wanted something I could hold onto to.

"It's beautiful love," I gushed before turning to Finn and tickling his little tummy to make him squeal, "Thank you for the necklace bubs."

"Welcome dada!" he patted back my knee in response, squirming out of his mother's hold so he could clamber into my lap.

I looked over the necklace again, my brows furrowed in confusion. "Why are there three pendants? Unless you wanted to engrave Milo's name in too!"

"Why don't you open the card," she said inconspicuously. I shot her a confused look before I opened the card.

Dear Daddy (Harry) it read.

HAPPY CHRISTMAS!

I love you so so much! I hope you enjoy your gifts. We especially hope you enjoy the necklace and that it comes to good use in the future. Especially because I have a question to ask you. As much as you and mummy are super fun, you're kind of old and slow, and you have boring jobs which means you can't play with me all the time. So this Christmas, I was wondering if you and mummy could give me a playmate. I don't mind when, but I would love a sibling!

Lots of Love

Finn (and Cara) xxx

My heart stopped in my chest as I read the words written on the card. I could tell Cara had written it because, no offence Finn, but my son definitely was not that articulate or neat yet.

"Are you serious?" I looked up at her in shock, my eyes glistening with hopeful tears, "You wanna make me a daddy again?"

"Only if you want to," she replied nervously, looking down at her lap as if she was scared to see my reaction. I gently cupped her chin and pulled her head up to face me so she could see the joy written all over her face.

"Cara Elizabeth Styles, I would love nothing more than to have another baby with you. In fact, I am begging you to let me put another child in you," I rushed out, gripping her hands tightly if that helped let on how desperate I was to see her pregnant with my child again.

"Ok then," she murmured quietly to me, a smile growing on her face, "Let's have another baby."

I choked on a sob before I yanked her towards me, bundling up both Finn and her in my arms and squeezing them tight, overwhelmed with exhilaration.

"That's why there's an extra pendant. For the baby," she explained and my heart swelled even more.

"Best Christmas present ever," I whispered, "You're the best thing that's ever happened to me."

Bliss.

That was the best word I could use to describe how I was feeling at this moment. Just utter bliss.

-

Hey guys. Long time no see. Firstly, I feel like I apologise immensely for disappearing off the face of the planet and never explaining what happened. I found myself putting way too much pressure on myself to write all the time for you guys and it just wasn't attainable. The pressure got so bad that one day I just stopped writing and gave up. But I love writing and it does bring me joy, there are always so many ideas running through my head that I want to write, including this piece (I did start writing this before Christmas which explains the theme of the story). Going forward I will continue posting from time to time but don't expect it anywhere as near as frequently. I will write when I have time and I want to, but I have an extremely busy life that makes it hard to always fit things like this in. Furthermore, I am moving away from reader-insert fics and instead using original characters. Personally, I find that more enjoyable.

Thank you for the continued support even when I was MIA, I promise I read every message and comment left on my account and appreciated every one, even if I didn't reply.

Lots of love,

Sloane xx

[joehawke]

ever since watching this edit I can’t get the idea out of my head of Eddie coming over like he normally does, Eddie who stood at the door for a good 5 minutes with sodas and popcorn and an array of random junk food in his hands waiting to be let in. But Steve never answers the door. And Eddie doesn’t want to worry, just assumes Steve forgot about their normal Friday night ritual, just assumes Steve’s in the shower and lost track of time. But a deeper rooted part of Eddie, the part of Eddie that’s been stuck with him ever since Chrissy stuck to his ceiling, feels a gnawing sense of fear pooling around his gut.

.

Eddie carefully sets the multitude of snacks and drinks down on the concrete before rummaging around underneath the terra-cotta pots that hold dead flowers (and Eddie remembers a conversation in passing when Steve drunkenly mumbled out how his mother planted flowers and never came back home to water them and how he tried so hard to keep them alive, but how’s he supposed to keep a stupid plant alive when he can hardly keep himself and the kids alive? And yeah, Eddie never forgot that drunken confession, ‘thinks he never will either as his heart clenches at the memory) when he comes across the gold key he knew was there, a little “ah ha” falling out of his mouth with a hushed tone as his tongue sticks out of his mouth in concentration. Eddie goes to unlock the door quietly, only going back outside to collect all of the snacks. He throws the key in the key dish next to the door before toeing off his sneakers (new white ones courtesy of the governments hush money, and as much as Eddie misses his old broken in ones, he thinks maybe he doesn’t need a walking reminder of what his shoes had walked through). He makes his way to the kitchen and flicks the light on as he gently places everything down before finally taking a look around. All the lights are off besides the one he just turned on, and it’s eerily quiet. Eddie wonders if maybe Steve isn’t home, if he really did forget about their movie night, but Steve’s not one to cancel on any member in the party, is always present no matter the circumstances. His car was in the driveway though. Eddie makes his way to the living room to see if maybe Steve fell asleep on the couch waiting up for him, but to no luck it’s just as quiet as it is empty.

“Steve? If this is some sick joke you can quit it now okay? You got me. I’m here. Let’s just watch our movie!” Eddie calls out, gesturing out to no one. When he gets no response he makes his way up the stairs gingerly, careful to not step on the ones that tend to squeak (and yeah, Eddie’s been up these stairs enough to know which floorboards are loose and isn’t that truly something? If you had told Eddie a year ago that he’d know Steve Harrington’s house inside and out, he’d laugh in your face). Eddie turns the corner and let’s out a sigh of relief at the sight of Steve’s door closed, light cascading underneath the door and painting the floor yellow.

“I gotta say Harrington, ‘Was beginning to think you forgot about —“ Eddie goes to say, before he’s cut off with the sight of Steve and his room. There’s an array of trophy’s and what looks to be a few copies of his diploma laying hazardously across the carpet. Pictures of the party and newspaper clippings of his parents laying amidst it all. His one and only poster (“Seriously Stevie? A car poster? I expected so much more from you, I’m wounded” Eddie had said, a hand clenched dramatically to his chest. Steve had just rolled his eyes before getting off the bed and crawling down below (and Eddie seriously needed to get his mind out of the gutter if Steve on all fours had him adjusting his pants) before retrieving a rolled up tube and tossing it to Eddie. Eddie had just looked at the other man slightly confused before Steve motioned for him to unroll it. And lo and behold it was a shirtless picture of Rob Lowe. Eddie had sat there laughing for a good 20 minutes that night) laying ripped to shreds on the floor. And there in the center of it all, sat Steve, tear tracks drying on his cheeks, his hair a mess atop his head.

“Stevie?” Eddie asked, careful not to spook the man. Everything in him, every fiber of his being shook with energy prompting him to move forward, to rush to his Steve, but yet, he stayed with his feet planted forward. He remembers his uncle Wayne telling him once after a particularly bad nightmare Eddie walked in on him having to never approach someone who’s in distress, told him not to make them feel like a wounded animal, but not to startle them either by suffocating them. So Eddie stays put, taking in the scene around him. “Baby? Do you care if I come to you? Can I do that?” Eddie asks softly. If he wasn’t paying attention, he would’ve missed the slight nod Steve gives him. So Eddie carefully makes his way over to the broken and battered boy, careful to not step on the shambles of clutter surrounding Steve. Eddie clears a spot and gently sits down, not saying anything as he takes in Steve up close now. His heart breaks in his chest as Steve looks up to Eddie, tears gathering in his already puffy eyes.

“Babe. What’s wrong sweetheart?” Eddie gently coaxes, asking the question as if he were scared of the answer, and yeah, maybe he is. Steve’s bottom lip trembles ever so slightly before Steve sucks in it, a habit from years of having to hide his emotion coming into place. Eddie furrow his brow and tilts his head softly as if to prompt Steve to answer. Steve turns his head towards his window and Eddie thinks he won’t get an answer before Steve’s wrecked voice is making itself known.

“Do you ever see someone and think, wow God must hate me? Cause he spent so much time on them, and for me he got… lazy” Steve asks softly, a hint of bitterness hanging off his words like cloying honey. And what? Eddie never was one to believe in any type of God, never really put too much thought to it if he’s honest. He wasn’t one for the science or logistics behind it, but he also wasn’t one to question it. Don’t get him wrong, he’s prayed to a God he doesn’t know exists in times of crisis and need, and yeah, sometimes the thought of this being being the thing that controls what happens was a thought he’s let warp his mind sometimes, but in retrospect, he never really cared. He knew Steve’s parents were heavily religious, forcing Steve to attend Sunday mass and bible study as a kid, but Eddie’s still taken aback by the statement.

“Stevie what? Where’s this coming from?” Eddie asks, his brows furrowing as he moves his head to look at Steve. And bless his heart, Steve just shrugs softly before breaking into sobs. Eddie can tell Steve’s trying to hold it in if the wretched noises and breathing is to go by anything, and his heart breaks in his chest once again. Eddie scoops Steve up, laying Steve’s head against his chest. “Let it out baby, it’s okay, let it out.”

Eddie’s unsure how long they sit like that before Steve’s breathing begins to even out, a small hiccup or sniffle making itself known in the quietude of the room here and there, before Eddie carefully picks him and Steve up off the floor and moves them to his bed which thankfully is clean. He lies them down against the blankets, taking he and Steve’s jeans off in the process and throwing them on the floor before tucking he and the other man in. And yeah, they have a lot to talk about, but for now, Eddie holds his boy against his chest until Steve’s breathing evens out completely and he can feel his body go pliant against his own. It takes everything in Eddie to fall asleep that night, thoughts of the mess on the floor and that sentence racing around his muddled brain, but eventually his own breathing evens out with the safe knowledge that Steve is here, and he may not emotionally be okay, but physically he’s in no harm. And Eddie can live with that.

[elsa-rain-world-stuff]

What got you into rainworld?

OHHOHHHOHOHOHOHO

It's been 2020, middle of autumn, i tired from playing same 3 games on repeat (hollow knight, sundered and undertale (? i'm not sure)) and looked in my steam library, in search for something i haven't played. I had i think 3 games i bought and never played, and Rain World was one of them. I had no fucking clue what is this game, i didn't even remember how i got it (i got it same year spring with 80% off, as my purchase history says). So i downloaded it and jumped right into, without watching any trailers or rewievs.

It was... something. I didn't expect anything, but i was surprised anyway. I had no idea you could pick different character, i didn't know you supposed to play as white slugcat, so i started as Monk.

First thing that surprised me is how HEAVY slugcat felt. Compare to Hollow Kinght where you can jump 10 times your height... yeahh. And second thing - controls, which i changed immediately, because i ain't playing on arrows! ALSO at the beginning i had a thought for a moment that maybe i'll get some upgrades, but even then i felt like it's not gonna happen

And after that i lost track of time. And when i woke up, it was 5 am and i was in shoreline. Then i was stuck in the first room of subterranean with centipedes killing me all the fucking time and i thought that i can't go back through the gates lol

I also remember miros birds breaking my overseer in meme crypts and how i thought that it was gone forever

This is my very first rain world screenshot (i didn't understand what to do with this flower and overseer seemed to point on it (at least it what i thought)

under cut there's a tonn of screenshots and some of messeges with my friend while i was playing. I had a friend, who helped me in the beginning. They played just a bit, but knew a lot about the game

october 10, 2020

Elsa Fogen 22:57 : Oh you can store food for the next day to spend all the time for exploration, neat Elsa Fogen 23:02 : So i was grabbed by that thing, that pretended to be a pole, but i managed to escape and it grabbed a lizard instead october 11, 2020 Elsa Fogen 6:57 : Fuuck, it's 5 am and i've been playing Rain all this time [Friend name here] 6:29 : How did you... Elsa Fogen 6:29 : I'm in the location with green wamter Elsa Fogen 6:31 : I was fucking flooded 3 times Elsa Fogen 16:13 : I'm fucking tired of these monkies They don't let me go through Fuckers

october 12, 2020

Elsa Fogen 18:11 : AAAAAAAAAAAHH FUCKING ELECTRICAL CENTIPEDES, I HATE YOU SO MUCH Elsa Fogen 18:14 : just fucking look how many times i died in the same room because of these fucking creatures

[Friend name here] 18:15 : Oh. Which location this is? Elsa Fogen 18:24 : trins where [Friend name here] 18:25 : no fucking way... Wait. WHY ARE YOU GOING THERE IT'S TOO EARLY Or wait. You have already been at Five Pebbles?!?! Elsa Fogen 18:27 : where???? I can't go back anyway......... [Friend name here] 18:27 : fuck... it's too early to go there/ Too early. Why can't you return? Elsa Fogen 18:33 : door was closed................... okay i get it all over again [Friend name here] 18:34 : nononno NO NO NO!!!! WAIT FUCK STOP WAIT WAAAAAAAIT DON'T RESTART LOTUS MOTHERFUCKER (lotus was kinda my roleplay nickname lol) DON'T YOU DARE Elsa Fogen 18:37 : wha how then [Friend name here] 18:34 : You talking about gates with karma? Elsa Fogen 18:38 : yes [Friend name here] 18:38 : Fuf... there... look. So you went through. You sleep one time. And you can go once again. Elsa Fogen 18:38 : 🤔

-----

Elsa Fogen 18:53 : Should i look for this thing?

Elsa Fogen 19:54 : What should i do here?

[Friend name here] 20:03 : GO TO SLEEP THEN YOU GO THROUGH HORRIBLE LOCATION TO THE WORSE Don't touch the flies Elsa Fogen 20:23 : And what if i touched them Elsa Fogen 21:43 : Damn it's so dark here

Elsa Fogen 21:54 : Damn there creepy creatures mechanical Elsa Fogen 22:40 : FUCK I SAW AN ART WHERE BROKEN VESSEL HAD THIS FUCKING BLACK-BLUE THING IN THE HEAD

[Friend name here] 23:01 : btw, you're ahead of me xD I just... i need to recover my nerves Elsa Fogen 23:05 : btw this thing that leads you can it be killed? [Friend name here] 23:05 : Yes. Elsa Fogen 23:05 : Fuck) I think mine was killed Elsa Fogen 23:10 : So what should i do if my thing was killed...... Elsa Fogen 23:15 : Are these things dangerous?

Elsa Fogen 23:24 : What a creepy fuckig thing

but it's neat i love their design so much i saw same things in the location with pile of monkies these fucking things annlyed me so much there was a lake and two of these fuckers lived there Elsa Fogen 23:56 : Fuck, can i kill this thing? It's sitting there and that's it............

[Friend name here] 23:56 : You can but.... MANY SPEARS. VERY MUCH. Elsa Fogen 23:59 : OMG OVERSEER, MY SUNSHINE

october 13, 2020

Elsa Fogen 00:00 : OH YES I MADE IT TO THE NEST [shelter] And i understood why the fuck these things for [grapple worms] Elsa Fogen 00:23 : THERE'S 3 OF THEM

Elsa Fogen 00:28 : That's what i call TOTAL FUCK UP

Elsa Fogen 00:31 : i lived Elsa Fogen 00:31 : is that a fucking infection

Elsa Fogen 01:03 : i n f e c t i o n

Elsa Fogen 01:23 : fUCK

Elsa Fogen 01:28 : ....how many spears i need to kill this you say?

[Friend name here] 01:28 : More than 10. :) Elsa Fogen 01:29 : too loose a concept "more than 10" more than 10 can be and 11 and 100 well, two already there ahaha....... [Friend name here] 01:28 : Well.... Hm...... Not 11... Well maybe 20 or more. Elsa Fogen 01:30 : now this sounds as threat of avengers level [Friend name here] 01:30 : One moment. I'll look up their hp. Ha.... Ha.... 200 hp.... Elsa Fogen 01:34 : ................... and how much damage spear does?? [Friend name here] 01:36 : ... [RW wiki screenshot saying how much damage deals every slugcat per spear throw] Elsa Fogen 01:34 : *HYSTERICAL LAUGH* okay i died already around ten times BY JUST FALLING IN THE FUCKING PIT

Elsa Fogen 01:34 : infected snot

Elsa Fogen 01:34 : f UCK i found the door, but it needs the highest karma AND I'M WITH THE LOWEST BECAUSE OF ALL THOSE DEATHS FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK Elsa Fogen 02:19 : FINALLY FINALLY YES I WENT FURTHER OH MY FUCKING GOD I'M SO TIRED OF THIS PIT Elsa Fogen 02:21 : WAIT WHAT WHERE DID I FLY

IS IT BECAUSE I ATE TOO MUCH INFECTION? [Friend name here] 02:22 : Well it's... It's... If short, there's troubles with gravitation and... THERE'S MANY DADDY LONG LEGS ON THE WAY But first you have to bring around 4 flies to Moon)))) YES YES YOU'LL HAVE TO GO BACK BRING 2 FOR NOW There will be more further Elsa Fogen 02:25 : ah. these?

Elsa Fogen 21:11 : fuck this shit....

[Friend name here] 21:12 : ))))))) YOU'LL HAVE TO))))) Elsa Fogen 21:12 : no i'm leaving ahupzhvalvva [Friend name here] 21:12 : YEEEEES)))) YOU NEED THIS TO COMPLETE THE GAME By the way Moon quest is not necessary Elsa Fogen 21:14 : thank god

october 16, 2020

Elsa Fogen 20:59 : these fucking tentacles discourage all desire to play rain 🙁

Finding and translating all this takes fucking forever and after this point i moved to another chat and i don't know which one so let me know if you want to see more of this!!!!!!

LIKE REBLOG AND SUBSCRIBE FOR PART 2!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[onthewaytosomewhere]

Therapy for literally anyone in 911

thanks ever so much for letting me use this to untangle (at least somewhat) these silly buddie boys

this can also be found on ao3 - and it will prolly make more sense after the first chapter

It’s been two months since Buck stopped fighting, two months since Eddie showed up at the location of the underground fighting ring and dragged him to the hospital. Of course, it’s been a long two months, the kind of months that feel like you lived multiple years within each one. It’s not all been bad. Eddie and Buck finally admitted their feelings for each other and are slowly starting dating—which really isn’t much different than how they were before, just with more times out just the two of them.

This has been one of the good things—Eddie is sitting in the waiting room while Buck is in their therapist's office. Their therapist—that’s still wild to think they share this and so much more now. The way this has been going is Buck gets 40 minutes if he needs it. They get 20-30 minutes for the two of them together, and Eddie gets some time afterward. He’s working through a few things he didn’t bother with when he briefly did this therapy thing after his own time in the fighting ring. Buck has put his foot down and said if he’s working through all of his stuff, then so will Eddie. They’re getting mentally healthier for each other—and Christopher.

Christopher has taken to Buck and Eddie actually being together remarkably well. Of course, he’s never shied away from his love for Buck. So, other than a few more times when they go out without him, it’s not like things have changed a lot for him yet. At some point in the future, it may, though. Eddie doesn’t think he’ll ever want anyone other than Buck. He knows they need to take things slow, not necessarily glacial, but slow to protect themselves and everyone else. Neither of them necessarily has the best track record when it comes to dating. So for now, they hang out and go on dates with the added bonus of kissing and …

Eddie’s thoughts are interrupted when the door to the office opens, and the therapist motions him in. He walks in and notices that Buck looks a bit nervous. He doesn’t know what that might mean, but he just has to hope it’s not bad. He sits down next to Buck in his usual spot for therapy and smiles at him. He gets a smile back, and it relieves a little of the anxiety that was ramping up. Buck’s smiles have always had an insane effect on him, even before he realized why that might be.

Their therapist sits across from them and starts. “Eddie, Buck has something he wants to tell you to start this week's joint session. I will go over to my desk to give you a moment, but I’m here if you need me.”

Eddie’s confused. Why would they not stay in the usual spot for their sessions? Isn’t that the point of all this? He turns to Buck, who still looks slightly nervous but less than when Eddie came in. Buck smiles at him, and he feels the anxiety that is starting to ratchet up again recede. How it took him so long to realize what he actually feels for Buck still amazes him.

“Eddie, I need to let you know that I remember a few things from when I was in and out of consciousness at the hospital after surgery.”

“Okay …”

“I remember you saying you love me.”

Oh. “Oh.” That’s a development Eddie doesn’t know what to do with.

“I want to tell you, and not because of that; I know we haven’t said that yet—at least not outside our heads and both conscious, but—I love you.”

“Oh, Buck …” Eddie’s brain has yet to catch up with his mouth, so he’s unsure what to say next. He wants to kiss him and let him know that way that he also loves him, but he probably actually needs to say the words. “Buck, I love you, I’ve loved you for so long, and honestly, I think I first realized it when I was stuck in that damn well. When I didn’t know if I was getting out of there, you and Christopher were the people who kept me fighting. I had wanted to tell you then, but I got nervous, and then stuff happened so fast, and before I knew it, so much time had already passed. I missed my opportunity, or so I thought, so I kept my feelings to myself, sat on them, and they continued growing.” He stops to take a breath, and Buck lets out a giggle that Eddie doesn’t get to hear often but treasures every time he does.

“Eddie, I … you know this wasn’t a contest. You didn’t hafta take my love confession and blow it out of the water. But since you did, I’m not going to bother with a grand love confession. I will repeat, however, that I love you. Have for so much longer than I knew.”

Eddie leans across the loveseat, and his lips find Buck’s; they kiss slowly, just lips, then tongue, then Eddie nipping at Buck’s lip with teeth. Eddie sighs into the kiss; he knows they can’t stay like this no matter how much he wants to, so he pulls back. Eddie pulls back and laughs when Buck’s lips chase his before leaning in and whispering, “Later. We’ll come back to this later.”

Buck leans toward him, a smile tugging at the corners of his lips, “I intend to hold you to that.” Eddie looks forward to it.

Their therapist is joining them again, saying, “That went well. Based on what I turned back around to, I'm assuming there isn’t anything you need to discuss, but if there is, we can do that now.”

Eddie looks at Buck and shakes his head. There is nothing more he needs to say about this at the moment, at least not with just their therapist. All he wants to do is repeatedly tell Buck that he loves him—he wants to shout it from the rooftops and tell the world. Buck smiles as if he’s heard all of Eddie’s internal dialogue and turns toward their therapist, replying, “No. We’re all good right now.”

“Perfect. So, shall we pick up where we left off last week?” The rest of the appointment goes by so fast. Their joint session ends and Buck leaves the room for a bit. Eddie feels so much lighter for one of the first times since he started therapy. He feels complete. He’s ready to tackle whatever comes, with Buck at his and Christopher’s sides.

[emotionallychargedtowel]

shuffled (sort of)

I was tagged for this by @lurkingshan and it looked like fun, so I made up a way to participate even though I don't listen to music on any of those services that people tend to use for these things. The closest I get is listening to things on youtube so I made a list of songs the YT algorithm suggested to me. That list was a bit long so I used a random number generator to pick ten. Well, I really hit paydirt. I couldn't have come up with a better list if I had chosen it all myself.

And then weeks went by and I sat on this nearly-finished post for no good reason! Now I'm dusting it off and getting it out of my drafts.

I'm never big on tagging people on these things, it makes me incredibly anxious. But after this much time has passed, I really can't imagine doing it. That said, if anyone reads this and feels inspired to do it too, please consider yourself tagged.

Orange Juice - I Can’t Help Myself

One of the best tracks on my favorite Orange Juice album. This is a really good distillation of their sound that shows their influences really clearly (postpunk, classic soul, the Velvet Underground, Chic, the Buzzcocks, etc. etc.) while showing how they did something with them that's completely their own. It doesn't hurt that no one sounds quite like Edwyn Collins.

SZA - Ghost in the Machine

For a couple of years now I've been trading song recommendations with a close friend of mine. In other words, we take turns giving each other a song to listen to. It's been great, in part because our tastes are pretty danged different (though with enough overlap to have common ground). I've found out about a lot of amazing stuff through her but I don't think there's a song that has stuck with me more from this project than Ghost in the Machine. This song just keeps giving me goosebumps after...it's been a year and change, I think.

Taemin - Criminal

Years ago I asked my old internet friend Kate (who I've been interacting with since our livejournal days) about kpop. She has always been better than I am at keeping up with new music and I knew she knew a thing or two about it. She gave me a short list of songs to check out and Criminal was on it. It didn't quite click at first but it stuck in my brain somehow. I came back to it later and boom. It clicked big time. It reminds me of a few things. The la-la-la part definitely has a debt to Kylie Minogue's Can't Get You Out of My Head and the lead-up to the chorus reminds me of Roy Orbison's I Drove All Night. It has a retro quality that probably makes it more palatable to a middle-aged listener like myself but when I hear the synthpop tones of my childhood through a contemporary filter I don't get nostalgia so much as a distorted time-warp feeling (in a nice way).

Brave Girls - We Ride

A while back I was emailing back and forth with another friend of mine who I talk to about music a lot--wow, I didn't know that was going to be such a theme here, but I love it--and we were talking about new and old East Asian pop genres. He made me a list of a few recent kpop and jpop songs that he thought were reminiscent of city pop, an 80s genre out of Japan that's a favorite of his. There were quite a few winners on that list but this song is the one I've listened to the most. There's another theme: sounds from my formative years filtered through a contemporary lens. I can see why my friend associated it with city pop. The combination of disco/funk elements (like that choppy Nile Rodgers guitar part) and soft pop (the harmonies, the synth strings) fits right into that category. These elements were everywhere when I was a kid but they didn't get put together in this way.

Tsunami - Be Like That

This song about a has-been ex-boyfriend is more relatable to me in my 40s than it was when I first heard it in my 20s, but that's how old Jenny Toomey was when she wrote it. I've never gotten super into Tsunami despite liking a couple of their songs quite a lot (this one, and Valentine, from their album Deep End). I should probably revisit them. They always had a way with washy guitars and interesting chords, and Jenny Toomey's voice is legendary for a reason. (The version of I Only Have Eyes for You that she recorded with Grenadine, her side project with Mark Robinson from Unrest and the drummer from the Eggs, makes really good use of that voice. It's fucking exquisite and literally gives me goosebumps.)

Spoon - Me and the Bean

This one's a bit personal. I was active in the indie rock scene in Austin in the early 'aughts when Spoon was transitioning from their status as a cautionary tale of major label abandonment* into the period where they reached greater heights on an indie than that major label ever would have allowed. That scene wasn't very big so it's not surprising that in addition to Girls Can Tell-era Spoon being nearly omnipresent for a period of my life, I also have some personal connections there. Anyway, people seldom notice that this song is a cover. I never saw the Sidehackers, the band who originally performed the song (I'm not sure if they even managed to record it). But if this song ends up being what people remember most about them, it would make a respectable legacy. I don't know the later Spoon stuff as well as this era, but back then, there weren't a lot of Spoon originals that were as overtly emotional as this one. (You didn't typically hear a line like "I have your blood inside my heart" in an original Spoon song.) Britt Daniel may not have written this, but he doesn't hold back in his performance. So I always appreciated how it balanced out the more emotionally reserved style of the other songs on Girls Can Tell.

*They channeled the experience into songwriting to good effect. "The Agony of Lafitte," about the A&R guy that signed them to Elektra before the label screwed them over, is probably my favorite Spoon song.

the Chills - Pink Frost

I feel like so much has been written about this song that there isn't much point trying to say anything about it. It has a truly important place in the history of New Zealand indie music, and the events surrounding it are pretty interesting. But mostly it's just a really well-crafted piece of dark, sneakily poppy post-postpunk. Among people my age with similar tastes to mine, I can't think of a song that ended up on more mixtapes. (Though a friend of mine always used to say he regretted that he couldn't really put it on mixtapes for girls he was interested in because of the whole murdered girlfriend aspect of it.)

Veronica Falls - Misery

This song is obscenely catchy. It only takes one listen to get me singing it to myself in the kitchen for months. It's pretty fun to sing to oneself, in the kitchen or otherwise, but I'm sure it would be a million times more so if you could reproduce the harmonies with a partner. Veronica Falls really are unparalleled in the harmony department, and it's even more enjoyable because they usually use those pretty harmonies to sing about morbid, depressing things. And that juxtaposition never feels like a schtick to me, which it easily could in the wrong hands.

Bolbbalgan4 - Dream

I've gotten into quite a few songs because they were featured on kdramas, but this is the only song where it happened the other way around—I liked it first, then watched Hwarang because of it. There was a video for it on youtube with clips from the series and the song made the show seem more interesting. Not to imply anything negative about the series, I think there's a lot to be said for it. But it was this song that made me want to watch it. I love this kind of super emotional kpop song that's so plentiful in kdramas. Maybe it's because during the decades when rock music was de facto banned in South Korea the country's dominant genre was the ballad. Maybe it's because of that particular brand of despair that kdramas excel at so much, coming up in a slightly different setting. This type of song is just more emotional in a certain way that any other genre I've run across. And this particularly example is, to my mind, the pièce de résistance.

Shearwater - Breaking the Yearlings

This is one of the highlights of Animal Life, which is my favorite Shearwater album. It took me a while to warm up to Shearwater. The thing that really sold me on them was going on a whim to see Jonathan Meiburg play a solo acoustic set in front of a tiny audience at the Cactus Cafe. I think maybe some friends of mine opened for him or something, because something must have gotten me in the door. I ended up being really glad I went. Meiburg's set was downright mesmerizing, and I was sold on Shearwater from that point on. This particular song gets in my head a lot because the washing machine in my building puts out this one repetitive tone when you're starting a load of clothes that is really close to the opening notes of this song.