#theres a couple of things im a little iffy on but other than that it was fantastic

[vilelittlecritter]

Watched the fallout show...

it did not have the right to be that good.

[cathartic-crypt]

im continuing my benny posting by sharing my benny hcs. in no particular order. and very quickly typed up. enjoy ^_^

- tattooed. he has lots and lots and lots of tattoos from when he was a boot rider. all kinds of tattoos. some desert themed, some things based around him, some others depicting things he just likes. he doesnt mind them much nowadays, hes so used to them that he sees them as part of his skin. although hes a little bit iffy about showing others his old tattoos. hes got an image to upkeep after all - speaking of boot riders. he got a canine knocked out by bingo during their fight. so he got a gold one fitted shortly after he became the leader of the chairmen. and it glints like hell - he wears lots of gold jewellery. especially pre-war rings. he prefers engraved ones, ones with little images etched into the metal or ones with short messages rather than ones with gems. he also wears a cross necklace under his shirt - despite his gun and necklace...hes not christian. like at all. he doesnt care for religion and hasnt read anything about the engraving on his pistol or the meaning of necklace. he just likes how flashy and elaborate the imagery looks - by the time the courier rolls around hes 31. he's also 5'5". - he has a dad bod. i will personally fistfight anyone who draws him muscular and dehydrated. living the cushy and comfortable life of a casino boss means hes not some lean bodybuilder - however...thats not to say he ISNT strong or that hes unhealthy. he has a really high endurance, and can last for a long while out in the desert. also he doesnt like admitting it but hes probably a fraction better at straight up punching someone than shooting them at point blank range - since he was always outside and always doing something, he used to have super calloused hands. but again, casino life means theyre much more pampered and soft now - however hes still got one hell of a grip. he can very easily grab you by your shirt and throw you out of the front door without even breaking a sweat - hes Bi. theres literally no way he isnt, fuck you. BUT he really isnt one for meaningful romantic connections, he much prefers something quick with zero extra baggage (i.e. one night stands, friends with benefits) - hes super nosy. and almost terrifyingly good at recognising and remembering faces. he sees a new face in the tops that he doesnt instantly match to a regular? he needs to know their name. and then he promptly loses all interest because the mystery is lost and the people turn out to be, by all things considered, really fucking boring - even further...anyone who doesnt fall for his charismatic charm (or, even worse, doesnt care about his reputation) becomes a nuisance and he NEEDS to at least form some sort of impression on them, be it good or bad. like full on “if you dont form an opinion about me i will pull my own hair out” - he used to have an absolute love for geckos. he didnt tame them, he was more so inclined to hunt than to nurture, but he would feed scraps to the younger ones - which meant they began to follow him around from time to time... not anymore though. he thinks theyre dirty and brutish and a reflection of what it was like to be a boot rider - hes called Benny Boots (mockingly) by people around the strip. at least by those who knows about the three families past. other than that his last name is Gecko. he also personally calls himself Benny 'New Vegas' sometimes as a sort of boastful title because he thinks hes the shining face (not the heart, mind you - thats House) of the strip - hes a huge morning person. its something he picked up, and cant get rid of, from the boot rider days. he wakes up super early in the morning, rising with the sun - and hates sleeping in because he feels like hes wasting time. he goes to sleep pretty late, since new vegas is awake at night, but he doesnt feel tired. a couple hours of sleep is good enough for him.

[babysizedfics]

are you still wanting the requests? because after the disaster that was roman trying to act like a cg for baby virge, I'd be interested in seeing it the opposite way around? like who is the bigger disaster here when it comes to trying to act like a cg

this ask.. is from july..... wow i take my time shskdhhs but please accept this vague bullet fic/concept/thing

Vee trying (and failing) to babysit Ro

So. One day (around september 2020) Virgil decides he wants to try his hand at babysitting — but the thing is he doesnt actually want to

he basicaly thinks bc roman takes such good care of him as his big bro that vee should be doing smth similar. he thinks he's a bad brother in comparison if he can't offer the same care for roman

roman always disputes this but vee wants to at least try it, he's curious anyway

He asks roman privately because he doesnt want to tell logan and patton abt it, he’s embarrassed: what if they say he’s a silly baby for trying to be bigger?

also lowkey because virgil hates the idea of being a cg but hes gonna try anyway to try to be a good baby brother (ironically)

it's kind of a recipe for disaster because as we have said before, vee genuinely feels uncomfortable around little roman if virgil isnt little too

it's the fact that he finds so much comfort in being the youngest of their group, he's literally babey on all levels and if roman is actung younger than him vee just feels weird

but they try it out privately in roman's room one day (when the caregivers have said they want to be alone for a while) - roman is actually pretty indifferent to the whole idea, he just wants to help virge try (he’s secretly doubtful it will wotk but won’t say that out loud)

virgil is understandably rlly nervous and uncomfy and generally an anxious wreck

So roman takes charge and is like 'okay what should i call you?' and virgil is shakily like ‘umm… maybe just Virge is fine?’

And then Roman smiles really wide and says ‘Okay, Virge!’

it shocks virgil because Roman has very suddenly become little, his stance and voice very clearly those of a child. there wasnt any time to prepare himself

‘Do you wanna play with me?’ roman asks excitedly

Virge is really stunted like ‘s-sure’ (internally he’s like say kiddo! Just say it, it's not hard! Arrggggh I can’t!!)

And Roman starts talking to virgil about his toys and what they do

at first virgils like ‘oh that’s really cool.. Um, should I?’ points at romans toy nervously

Roman nods and pushes a toy into Virgil’s hand and starts enacting a scene with the two in his own hands

Virgil hesitates to butt into Roman’s game, he doesnt want to get the toy to say the wrong thing and upset roman.. And what if he can’t think of anything to say? What if Roman thinks he’s boring? What if he ruins the game?

on top of that virgil is starting to feel really.... iffy.. he just feels a weird sinking in his chest while he looks at roman's childish behaviour, his tummy is in knots and he kind of wants to cry but he doesnt know how to explain that

so he tries to swallow his nerves and pulls the toy up to his mouth and runs it gently across his lip as he watches Roman play. its comforting

Roman makes the toys in his hands yell at each other and Virgil jumps a bit and whimpers

Roman looks over at the noise and says sorry with an apologetic smile, but then his face changes a bit as he notices something

‘Virge, no,’ roman says gently then he reaches out to gently pull Virgil’s hand from his mouth

virgil realises with a blush that he was sucking on the toy

'You're not allowed to suck things except pacis, remember?' roman says

‘Sorwy’ Virgil murmurs. he puts the toy back down on the carpet and hugs his knees to his chest tightly. he's wiggling a bit on the spot and tugging at his sweater sleeves

Roman pauses for a bit and then ducks in front of virgils gaze with a questioning look

‘Are you feeling little, Vee?’ he asks in his adult voice, using a slight baby tak for vee's benefit

Virgil blushes and quickly shakes his head. ‘No, ’m big.’ he's not supposed to be the little one!

‘Okay…’ Roman squints slightly at him but goes back to playing with his toys, this time getting them to talk to virgil to try to include him in the game

roman obviously noticed that virgil was anxious about jumping into the game so of course he is compromising by prompting virgil gently with questions

But the interaction with romans toys makes virgil feel so much littler

theres a lot of 'what do you want this one's name to be?' 'um... um may-maybe tibble?' 'okay, Sir tibble it is!'

it's usually small insignificant decisions like that and they get virgil to giggle a bit. he does suck the toy a couple more times but roman keeps stopping him with a smile and eventually virge just drops the toy and hugs his knees to avoid it happening again

but eventually roman asks virgil a Very Important question

'Prince Virge, what shall we do with the treacherous thief?'

and that is FAR more responsibility than virgil is comfy with having

‘Um,’ Virgil bites his thumbnail and looks nervously between the toy and Roman. he really doesnt want to decide something so important and maybe ruin the game

also he's feeling really melty in his chest and words are kind of tricky to say at the moment

‘C’mon,‘ Roman encourages gently with a smile, 'you can do it.'

and the softness in Ro’s tone feeds the liquid warmth in Virgil’s chest and he hugs his legs tighter

and he can feel his eyes tear up for some reason that he can't explain. he just feels small and weird and he wants a hug

Roman sees the tears and quickly kneels up and shuffles in front of virgil

he places his free hand on virgils leg and strokes a little to comfort him

'Hey, hey, it’s okay. Don’t be nervous,’ he whispers, squeezing Virgil’s knee

Virgil sniffles lightly and tentatively reaches his hand out to stroke the toy in romans hand. it looks like a nice texture

Roman smiles and lets virgil hold the toy and stroke it for a moment to calm his nerves. When it seems he’s calmed roman tries again.

‘What do you wanna say to the thief, Vee?’ he asks slowly and kindly, looking down at virgil from where he is knelt above him

Virgil looks up at him with wide eyes then back to the toy. His thumb slots in between his lips. ‘Hewo?’

‘Hi, Vee-Vee,’ Roman giggles and shakes his head. ‘I think you’re little.’

Virgil pouts around his thumb then points at him. ‘Wo-Wo lil.’

‘Yeah and now you are too!’ Roman laughs. 'But you're even littler,' he boops Vee's nose

This makes Virgil excited and he giggles and bounces.

Roman laughs at how sweet he is. Okay, looks like it's time to be a responsible big brother again

and really this feels SO much better for both of them. virgil doesnt like being older and tbh? roman doesnt like being younger either

'do you want your paci, baby?'

Virgil makes a mnh! sound that means yes and Roman reaches out to the paci vee brought with him just in case (yeah they both secretly knew this might happen)

Roman holds it up to Vee's mouth and smiles when vee gasps im excitement and takes romans hand in both of his and latches onto the pacifier

Then he thinks. he has one more thing to check before they can both be little: 'Vee, do you remember if you're wearing a pullup?'

vee tilts his head in confusion

roman frowns 'A pullup, remember? Like a diaper.'

Vee seems to remember something at the word diaper and looks around himself with a smile.

It quickly fades when he looks back at his brother, his fingers reach up to tug his paci. ‘Where baba?’

‘You want your papa?’

Vee nods.

‘Um…’ Roman bites his lip and looks to the door. ‘But Mom said they’re both busy. Don’t you wanna stay here with me for a bit? i can just check if you're wearing a pullup then--'

Virgil whines loudly and looks around. He is growing gradually more panicked, shoulders tensed up to his neck and feet kicking at the carpet. he's getting fussy

‘Shh, it’s okay, baby.’ Roman takes his hand.

When vee's wet eyes snap onto him roman offers him a reassuring smile. ‘Alright, let’s go find Dad.'

unfortunately when they do find the caregivers they are busy and not able to take care of vee, so roman actually grows up and takes care of vee until patton comes in later to take over

and that was very ironically roman's first experience of babysitting virgil!

[daisy--sorbet]

heyyy, hope you’re having a good night!! if you have the energy and feel okay answering, what’s up w taz graduation? i haven’t checked it out yet but i was thinking ab it. just asking bc you’re the first person i saw talk ab the show having serious issues, but also feel free to not answer this!! hope you have a good week!

i took a nice hot bath, had a strawberry kiwi capri-sun, and did a nice face mask and i’m feeling pretty good - so, y’know what anon? let’s talk about it. 

for anyone who likes taz grad who sees this post: it’ll be tagged with “taz grad hate” (although i feel hate is definitely a very strong word - it’s for the simplicity of tagging it) - so please block the tag if you don’t want to see this post (especially because i put a readmore on a post before and it didn’t show up on mobile and instead gave the full post). mobile tumblr has a tag blocking system, so please feel free to use it! i don’t mind haha

anyway, so this is... probably going to be a lost post, and i wanna go ahead and preface it: this absolutely isn’t any hate on the mcelroys themselves. i love the brothers and their dad a lot, and while i doubt any of them would ever see this (or have it sent to them, or shown to them, because im pretty sure they try to distance themselves from this sort of thing), i just want to make it clear that criticizing a product is different than bashing a person. which brings me to the point of if i do end up sounding as if im bashing someone - please call me out on it! it’s not my intention to target anyone.

with that said, let’s talk about this campaign.

so my problems are as thus: the railroading, the shipping (a fandom problem, but it’s present in the podcast), the NPCs, and some misc problems others have addressed better than i have.

which. i know. that’s basically the entire podcast. (i promise i’ll bring up some positive points to balance it all out). keep in mind i’ve only personally listened to... what, six episodes? and it was enough for me to drop it. some people dropped it first ep, some dropped it ep four, and others are still forcing themselves to listen.

the railroading

there was a time i could handle travis and his railroading [making sure the story goes exactly the way he has planned], because it was the very beginning of the podcast and that’s what you can kind of expect from a plot-heavy podcast. hell, i wouldn’t mind it if the interactions and goofs weren’t a huge part of why i listen to TAZ in particular (which, by the way, is why amnesty still stuck out to me - even if there was a direction griffin wanted to push them towards, the interactions between the players (or players and npcs) made up for any railroading). it’s kind of hard to not railroad a little when it’s story-heavy and you’re trying to built up a world that you’ve put a lot of thought into. however, a huge part of d&d is the spontaneity. 

it’s kind of why i think balance was so popular. while there was railroading towards the end, there was the presence of improv that made it all good. most mcelroy content is enjoyed because of the goofs. the magic brian moment is memorable. the jenkin’s fight still stands out because it was funny (albeit a result of some bad rolls). the boys teasing angus sticks out because the four would play well off of each other. even without that - griffin had talked about how he had to roll with things (the fact he had planned for a fight atop the train, but ditched the idea for what his family members came up with instead). even in amnesty, a couple moments that stick out to me still are ned with the jetpack taking out a pizza hut sign, and the scene with the water where jake was trapped inside. they aren’t as fun, but they still stand out as “things i didnt expect to really end the way they did.”

with grad, it’s just. one after another. the thundermen want to subpoena a xorn? cool, let’s run with that until actually the xorn gets fed rocks and goes home and who cares about the subpoena now. fitzroy wants to keep his cloak? lets talk about it for a while and you also get no rolls to even try to keep it. fitzroy goes to meet higglemas in his office? oh, why are you here fitzroy? im going to keep asking you until you answer fitzroy? you arent getting out of this scene until you answer me, fitzroy, so just tell me why you’re here already, alright, fitzroy? 

and even later in a episode i read a transcript of: hey argo, remember how you have this whole secret motivation? fuck you, im gonna talk about it here in your dream and reveal it to listeners and remove any tension you had building up, and you dont get a choice to talk about it because this all-knowing villain knows all about it :)

and even NOW in the latest episode, there’s a comment that “we should cap argo’s skills here” instead of just... making the checks higher. rogues are good at certain things and usually arent the best in battles. better hope argo never makes it to level 11, because who knows how people are gonna handle the fact that he gets a skill that’ll make it so certain skills can’t have a roll below 10 (reliable talent). 

(griffin, thankfully, calls travis out for that, but still - travis, why would you even imply that, considering you should be aware of how rogues work considering magnus multiclassed into rogue and you played one on tiny heist?)

and in the newest episode, their Big Bad chaos (which, god, i personally hate that name) straight-out says “dont do this” to the thundermen. travis tries to say, on twitter, “a character saying “dont do this” is different than me saying it” but i need to point out that it’s one thing if you’ve said “no” in character but worked with the PCs doing otherwise, but the railroading says differently.

the shipping

ill try to make this quick, because it’s nothing to do with the fandom (ship however you want, man) - but i really feel the need to draw attention to this.

fitzroy, as confirmed by griffin in a ttazz episode, is asexual. not aroace, but ace nonetheless. and i find it... troublesome that the idea of rainer and fitzroy having a relationship is still pushed nonetheless, despite the fact that fitzroy (to my knowledge) was never once shown to reciprocate any feelings. not to be that person, but i really hope that grad doesnt have any sort of romantic relationships in it (at least - not between NPCs and PCs unless they’re actually like... warranted?). 

i dont know, man. one of my closest friends is ace, and i know she wants a relationship, but i think it would reassure her a lot to see an ace character who isn’t pushed into one in case she ever changes her mind. someone once mentioned that they hope fi/tz/ra/in doesnt happen because theres relationships that have that “oh, you can just date” and it goes upwards there to “oh, you can have sex just to please them <3″  (which, to be honest, is kind of a gross mindset - if someone isnt interested, they arent interested).

also, uh, the TTAZZ where griffin states this, there’s kind of the mention tht the whole sexuality question was posed in relation to the episode “creative thinking” (the dream one i mentioned earlier) - which. uh. i don’t know if anyone caught this, but... rainer straight-up wrote fitzroy a letter in the dream like “are you going to accept my proposal? a girl doesn’t like to be left waiting” which. leaves me with some gross feelings because uh.

if... if the whole thing about fitzroys sexual orientation was addressed here, then why would you push your ship anyway? feels kinda iffy, man.

to which i want to say: fitzroy can date. he’s allowed to date. griffins allowed to do whatever he wants with his character. but when a lot of the flirting is met with nothing, i’m not gonna see the chemistry there. just because travis ships it doesn’t mean it’s canon.

the npcs

ah yes. lets talk about the npcs.

there’s... a lot. a lot a lot. i think travis trimmed down how many were present in a scene, but uh. there’s still a lot. and... uh... i kinda wish there wasn’t?

look, i know im going back to balance/amnesty, but just. hang in there for a moment. chill with me. vibe. 

balance didnt have too many NPCs present at all times in each mini-arc. gerblins had some big names like barry, klarg, gundren, killian, yeemick, and magic brian. rockport limited had angus, jess, graham the juicy wizard jenkins, and all of the tom bodetts mentioned. 

amnestys first arc had mama, barclay, jake, dani, pigeon, kirby, minerva, and that was about it for like. big names? and not all of them were present in each scene. 

in the first episode of grad alone: gary, hernandez, jimson, rolandus, zana, rhodes, buckminster eden, rainer, leon, tomas, hieronymous, higglemas, stuart, jackle, bartholomeus, mulligan, groundsy, germaine/victoria/rattles (the skeleton crew). and those are the ones i wrote down (minus groundsy, who i just. ignores. idk him).

like holy shit, my english prof got onto me for having too many characters in my first chapter and i didnt even have half the amount listed there! 

it’s just a huge cast. does this take place in a school? yes! theres bound to be a lot of students present - but you don’t have to name every single one of them, at least not in the first episode!

the miscellaneous

i don’t know if travis ever actually addressed it, but wheelchair users have actually like... said that rainer’s introduction bothered them, because she was like “please ask me abt my wheelchair :)” when travis saying she was in an ornate chair would have sufficed. 

uh. the colonization vibes people have discussed within the centaur arc. mentioned here, the replies here, and this post (and its replies) here as well.

the overall lack of d&d when the campaign was kind of advertised as a return to d&d if i remember correctly

also no one seems to be taking literally any criticism at all which like. ignoring the petty shit, sure, but people have stopped donating to taz and their listener-ship must have dropped some during this entire time - you’d think that maybe someone could say “we need to find out why people dont like the thing and fix the thing” consider this is. yknow. their livelihood.

anyway uhhh 

tl;dr: travis railroads way too much (even now), the shipping in-game has become pushy and gross (especially bc its shoving a relationship onto an asexual character), theres too many npcs that dont stand out well enough, and no ones taking any criticism about the major issues with grad. 

[harringtown]

little miss perfect

requested by anonymous

robin buckley au based on little miss perfect performed by taylor louderman

song interpretations are always iffy because theres an 80% chance I didnt write it the way the requestor imagined but whatever!!! the song ends sad and im a hoe for self-indulgence so!! changed that!! hope its somewhat what you wanted!!

-

Your name had been painfully etched into Robin Buckley’s heart since the eighth grade. Partnered for the science fair, she’d spent a blissful two weeks at your house after school making a volcano. Both smart and silly and young and not yet ashamed of it, you’d created a sparkly, bright pink and blue, admittedly incredible volcano that took first at the fair.

She loved you long before she knew what love was, long before she learned to hide it.

                                                           -

You didn’t make it to a party until Tommy H’s Christmas party senior year, though not for lack of wanting. It just wasn’t ever the path you were allowed to take. Your parents expected polite, put together, perfect. And you gave it to them.

But there wasn’t that much time left to do the things you’d silently wished to do for almost four years. So, one night of childish misbehavior. Bad music and shitty beer and a throng of bodies shoved into the basement.

Or, at least, it was supposed to be. Habits were hard to break, and your nerves had you against the wall watching. Someone pushed a beer into your hand at some point, which you drank more for something to do than the taste. You sipped the gross liquid until the cup ran dry and made your way to the kitchen to refill, but rather than trying to push back through the mob of body heat and music, you headed up the stairs to explore.

Four doors lined the hall and you tried them all. Two were locked, and a glance inside the other showed a couple too busy to even notice your quick intrusion. The fourth door opened into what appeared to be an empty bedroom. You stepped inside and pushed the door shut, flicking the lock and letting out a sigh. You felt as if you could breathe for the first time since entering the hundred degree house.

“That bad out there?” A voice asked. You jumped, a hand flying to your chest. You stepped further in to find Robin Buckley sitting on the windowsill, halfway onto the roof with a flask. From the easy smile on her face and the few hairs out of place, it was clear you weren’t the only one drinking.

The last time you’d spoken to Robin was for that science project, years ago. But Robin was no longer the gangly, somewhat awkward, always sarcastic girl she was four years ago. She’d grown into her limbs and seemed unapologetically herself in a way you could never dream of being.

You didn’t have a lot of choices, if any. Your parents expected little miss perfect, and you felt you owed it to them. Straight A’s, a voice that never rose too loud, thoughts and opinions that rattled and rolled around in your head, never to be spoken.

And so, whenever your stomach flopped at the sight of a beautiful girl, whenever Robin met your eye in the hallway, whenever a boy asked you to some stupid dance, you played the part you were given. Perfect. Put together.

But right now, in that random bedroom at that random party, you couldn’t remember why you’d done all those things. The only thing you could think about was crossing the room and sitting beside her.

So, you did.

“Too much BO and testosterone,” you said.

“Don’t forget the sticky beer on the floor,” she said.

“Half of it is on my shoes, now,” you said, kicking up a sneaker. Robin grinned and pocketed her flask before ducking through the window and pulling herself onto the roof. You stood frozen watching, waiting until she poked her head back through, chunks of blonde falling into her eyes.

“Coming?” She asked. You didn’t even hesitate before following.

You climbed out the window and settled onto the sloping slats of the roof. The second-floor roof was far above the yard below, separated from the drunken stragglers on the grass. Their voices were an unidentifiable hum.

The cold settled around you like a blanket and at your shiver, Robin pulled out her flask and handed it over.

“Not as effective as a jacket, but it will warm you up,” she said. You twisted the lid off and took a swig, resisting the urge to spit out the alcohol. It burned all the way down and pooled in your gut, warm - just as Robin promised.

“Y/N Y/L/N, not a big drinker? I’m shocked.”

“Oh, because you’re so well known for partying.”

Robin grinned and took the flask, drinking. A drop of liquid lingered on her lip and you resisted the urge to reach out and wipe it off. You weren’t tipsy enough to blame it on the alcohol. For something to do with your hands, you took the container and took a long drag. The taste didn’t improve, but the warmth in your belly bloomed and opened, a rush of calm dancing through your blood.  

“Hey, band nerds go hard,” Robin said.

You snorted, vodka coming out your nose, burning even more than it had going down. Robin laughed, tugging her sleeve over her palm and reaching up to wipe your chin. Your stomach twisted, skin alight everywhere she touched. You met her gaze and she froze, hand inches from your face.

“Thanks,” you murmured. Her closeness was more intoxicating than any alcohol could be.

She shrugged, “not the first time I’ve had to clean up after you.”

Your brows furrowed, but realization crept up. The volcano. That stupid volcano from all those years ago. The instructions had called for an ounce of vinegar; you’d dumped in half the bottle. The volcano had done its job too well, spewing liquid in every direction in Robin’s bedroom. She wasn’t mad; actually, she’d fallen to the floor giggling.

You didn’t realize she remembered that. Why she remembered it, after all this time.

“Never going to let that go, are we?” You asked.

“There are still stains on my baseboard,” she teased.

“I guess vinegar stands the test of time.”

“Not much else does,” she said, smile faltering, gaze shifting to the blank, dark horizon. She took another drag from the flask, and despite the alcohol swirling around, all of a sudden you felt cold.

You’ve spent a long time telling yourself that Robin wasn’t what you wanted. You’d done your best to rip out the feelings and shove them away. But love doesn’t go away; you just tuck it someplace it can’t hurt you. It’s always there, though, and sometimes, you trip on the box on your way through the hall. Sometimes, it rips you open just as it did when you put it away.

The precariously placed walls around your feelings cracked. You didn’t care about your parent's plans or the reputation you’d painstakingly constructed or even the fact that after graduation, you’d probably never see Robin Buckley again. You didn’t care about anything but her, closer to you than was safe on the roof.

When you looked at her, you found her gaze already locked on you, something painfully vulnerable and somewhat hopeful in her eyes.

“Don’t move,” you whispered, a hand climbing up to settle on her cheek. Her brows quirked but she listened, still in the cold wind.

“Not a chance,” Robin replied, lips curling upwards.

You closed the distance between you ever so carefully. It was the ghost of a kiss, so soft and small it could have been imagined. You pulled back slightly, trying to think beyond the flames in your cheeks and the racing of your heart. Meeting Robin’s gaze, you drew your tongue along your bottom lip, Robin’s gaze darting down for just a moment before meeting yours. Her lips parted as if to speak, but you didn’t give her the chance before kissing her again, the way you’d wanted to for years.

This time, you felt it. Slow, careful, her mouth on yours. Soft mint and lemon shampoo and the tickle of hair on your cheeks. You’d let yourself imagine what it’d be like to kiss her; you hadn’t even gotten in close. This was melting and sinking and coming alive all at once.

Robin gripped the hem of your shirt and gently tugged you closer, and you let your hands make their way into her hair, fingers winding into the strands. The night air was cold around you but Robin’s mouth was hot on yours, her fingers warm against the icy skin of your back as they dipped beneath the fabric of your shirt.

When she pulled away, Robin dipped her forehead against yours, the only spot of heat in the cold. Your heart thrummed quick as a hummingbird’s, skin alight everywhere she’d touched.

The bedroom door opening took whatever you’d been planning to say right out of your mouth, stomach tumbling, different than before, fear tightening around you like a noose. Whoever came in had left just as quickly, before you saw their face, but the mark had been made. Clearing your throat, you ducked back in the window and into the room, Robin close behind you.

Your heart still thundered from the kiss, but the moment had been broken.

“Hey…are you-”

“I’m fine,” you said. Robin touched your arm, drawing your attention to her.

“You’re not.”

You frowned, dropping your gaze to the floor. The words were out of your mouth before you could stop them.

“I’m not supposed to like you this way,” you said. Robin opened her mouth to speak, but the silence hung in the air.

“But you do,” she said.

“But I do.”

Robin raked a hand through her hair, lips parting, and turned away. Nothing about this was easy, the way it should have been. Careless kisses on dance floors, not hiding, not shame.

You were tired of it all being so hard. You wanted to pretend, just for a while, that it wasn’t. The rest could come later.

“Wait,” you said. Robin froze and faced you, slowly, as if she wasn’t in control of her own limbs.

“What do you want from me?” She asked, not accusatory, but genuine, and sad.

You paused. “I…I want you to stay.”

“And then?”

“I don’t know. But I’d like to figure it out. With…with you,” you said. It felt like an eternity passed before she answered.

“I’d like that, too.”

[spacesstudies-blog]

nostalgia pt 1

okay so i have been seeing a couple of posts about thomas's new videi and i haven't seen a lot about patton. i have seen people commenting on patton asking logan to stop and acting more serious than his usual happy perky self. but no one is talking about how he was obviously pushing down his feelings

first lets talk about the beginning of the video when Virgil doesnt know how to help thomas so he calls everyone but only logan comes. logan says "patton and roman are preaccupid" this introduces the fact that they are busy/ dont want to come up then. this could be because many reasons one being patton was to sad to go but ending up coming any way.

this makes it so when he first comes in doing his usual pun, he says "hi 'im frustrated' im sad" mixing up his words based on what hes feeling and quickly trys to fix his mistake. everyone ignores this, logan starts to act like hes about to ask whats wrong but ends up asking about pattons onesie everyone ignores his mistake and patton acts like his normal self.

a little later when logan tells patton to change out of his onesie, patton says "that old cardigan just weighs me down" not really proving anything but cpuld be an example of him not wanting to think about the past because its making him sad. and when patton learns what thomas is upset about he trys to change the subject (bringing up the harry potter play and other shows) and acts like he doesnt know what it means (i mean he could actually not know but he could be acting, everyone else (sorta him to) reacts the same when someone says thomas is thinking about guys and dolls) patton also makes references to the musical and says if anything is bothering thomas, patton would know.

later while logan is explaining how thinking about the past will help thomas patton says "what if thinking about the past makes them feel kinda iffy [idk how to spell that] about the present" and virgil agrees and based on his facial expression, seems a little confused why patton, the happy one, is saying this.

and then while logan is saying doing this can improve thomas's mood both patton and virgil say ay the same time "can they" everyone acting surprised at patton for saying this. im kinda surprised no one is talking about this considering i started crying when this happened lol. patton quickly realizes what he said and just puts a smile on his face. logan realized pattons worries about not feeling better and trys to make everyone feel better about it. not addressing pattons obvious strange mood exactly, but noticing it.

after all of this, thomas gets the idea that going into pattons room will make him happier because pattons room must be all sunshine and happiness, patton reacts saying its not quite like that, obviously not really wanting everyone to go there. and when thomas says "youre at the core of a lot of my happy feelings" patton adds he's at the core of his feelings not all happy. which thomas completely ignores and shares his idea with the rest. roman says patton holds on to every memory, which, we will probably learn. isnt the best. and patton makes jokes but trys to tell everyone he does not want to go into his room, by saying its a mess. he doesn't want to go there because it makes him sad.

and lastly (this is getting long lol) the moment everyone knows about, when patton got serious at logan. logan starts getting annoyed, after he notices this is not helping but making virgil feel worse about the future, he starts saying how theres no point in memories if it doesnt make you want to have a good future. while he is saying this thomas and roman interrupt him saying theres much more things to look at and they cant leave yet. soon logan says "all of this because patton cant let go of one person?" patton obviously is hurt by this and asks logan to stop (ouch my heart).

the point of this video was not to show thomas’s old memories or to show that virgil gets anxious thinking about the past and future, its to show the heart is the most affected by this issue. everyone expects it to be anxiety bc that's who it usually is but its the most unexpected person to have a problem, the heart. the one who acts happy and never upset. he’s upset about the past. he misses it, scared the future might not be as good. thats what nostalgia can do. it can make you happy sure, but once you start thinking about it you start to think 'what if i never experience this kinda od happiness again' thats pattons issue, and thats the point of the video and no one has realized, except virgil, who is the only one who seems to show signs of noticing 

lol okay this was long had a lot to say, i hope you read it all aha tell me your thoughts!!

might have spelled things wrong also dont know if this is true or not

[grogblogging-follows]

so i went to see wonder woman – here are my thoughts, spoiler-free

first off: i know gal gadot is Super Not Great and i don’t want to touch that whole thing with a bargepole because it’s really not my place. i went to see this movie because it’s the first female superhero movie & that’s really important to me, but i totally understand not wanting to support it because of her.

but on to the actual movie.

i have super super mixed feelings, honestly. im so happy there’s finally a female superhero movie, about fuckin time honestly, & i got !! at several points in the movie bc its a lady!! doing what only men have done so far!! yes!! nothing that bothers me abt the movie remotely takes away from this fact; the bottom line is, thank fuck this movie has finally been made, and thank fuck it’s decent.

diana is amazing. she kicks ass & the movie shows us how powerful, badass, skilled, and just straight up determined she is. i can think of the number of female protagonists who are allowed to be just as kickass as she is on one hand. it’s also important to note that she’s not just the “sexy badass” trope; she’s allowed moments of real vulnerability and uncertainty too. her acting isn’t the greatest, unfortunately, and she’s kinda shown up by the rest of the cast who are all great characters brilliantly acted. in comparison, her character (and acting) can feel a little one-dimensional, which is unfortunate, but not bad enough to really affect the movie all that much.

the plot is a superhero plot. it’s tropey and predictable, the twists can be seen from literally miles away, there are conveninent plotholes & movie logic all over the place, and the final, climactic battle is the least interesting fight of the movie. some scenes go on a little too long, some jokes are set up for a while but fail to properly deliver; in general the script could do with a little tightening up. it holds the movie back from being truly great, which is a shame, but again it’s not something that ruins it at all.

this is a feminist movie, there’s no doubt about that. diana is independent and has no problem telling men to fuck off when they’re trying to decide what she should or shouldn’t do. but. and there is a but here. there are several things that detract from that.

first is the costume design. all the amazons are gorgeous and badass and their armour leaves little to the imagination. it doesn’t offer good protection remotely (there are even a couple of examples of the infamous boob cups), and it’s iffy whether they’re even practical to fight in (short skirts offer a good range of movement, sure, but heels, diana?). as a feminist im kinda disappointed; as a wlw i had an absolute blast. the only thing that did really bother me about these outfits is the camera work: the first shot we see of diana pans up from her heels, in a classic misogynistic reducing-a-woman-to-her-appearance shot (we see her body before we see her face); later, when we see the amazonians fighting, and its like theres there women doing amazing athletic leaps and oh look! the camera was perfectly positioned to see her butt. great.

neither of these are Massive Issues remotely; i wasn’t aware of either of them really beyond the first couple of scenes. the rest of diana’s fights we get to see a whole lot of upper thigh but again, im gay, and also it felt like the camera was more interested in her skill as a warrior than her sex appeal. i might be wrong, but that’s my take away. she is sexualised in dialogue, though, with several references to how attractive she is (i counted three, i think? so not terrible, but enough that i noticed it).

another potential issue is the romance. steve (chris pine) is no white knight; he can hold his own in a fight but he’s nothing like diana, and she comes to his rescue on multiple occasions. but i did feel he got a teensy tiny bit too much attention in the movie. he’s not the main character by any means, but he is in almost every scene after his first appearance (pretty darn early on), and he does get several important story/emotional beats, as well as shared credit for a lot of diana’s achievements. i’d also be interested whether he has more lines than diana; honestly it might be touch and go.

the final thing that i noticed, and the only thing that actually properly bothered me, was the way diana was characterised as the source of most of the movie’s comedy. remember that video that went around recently about the ‘born sexy yesterday’ trope? y e p. diana has no understanding of our world, needing basic things explaining to her, and, worst of all, is into the very first man she meets ever in her entire life. her faux pas in this world are amusing, theyre sweet, theyre honestly even really pure and lovely at points, but there’s too much of it. i’ve been trying to work out in my head how exactly it differs from thor’s inexperience of the world in his first movie, which was also played for laughs. i haven’t hit on exactly how it’s different – although i know it is – but i think the sex thing definitely plays a part. diana implies she’s not a virgin (also the only line that implies she and the other amazons aren’t straight), but she’s consistently shown to be unexperienced, using weird terms for sex and relationships, being confused by courtship tropes, and arguably being unaware of men’s attraction to her. it’s not awful, and it does provide some of the only comedy in the movie (which gets pretty fuckin dark in places, it’s ww1 and it’s not pretty). i do think it’s handled poorly, and at the very least overdone, which is a real shame.

honestly, in a plot twist that surprised everyone, diana and the whole feminism aspect of the movie weren’t what i liked best about it. i’d only seen a bit of one trailer and no other promotional material, so i don’t know whether i would’ve realised this if i had seen more, but i was so pleasantly surprised to see not only how diverse the supporting cast was, but unfraid the script was to get real about racial issues. a first nations man talks about the atrocities committed against aboriginal americans and gets taken seriously; a french-moroccan speaks candidly about racism. i don’t want to big this up too much – these are both single lines, not the focus of a scene or anything – but i did appreciate that these moments were included. this isn’t colourblind casting; it’s great that half the supporting cast are characters of colour, but even better that this isn’t just passed over without comment or made into a trope or charicature. the movie did really well in this regard, i think, and i am really pleased to see it.

all in all, a historic film, a decent movie, disappointing in a few places but very pleasantly surprising in others. it’s not my favourite movie ever, and i won’t be rushing out to see it again, but none of its faults could ever remotely detract from my excitement at there finally being a female superhero movie. about time, y’all.