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euphoricfilter · 2 years

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Hiiiiii! Can you do a drabble for hobi

3. Smut(idk if that's the right one but anyways-)Ik that hobi is always portrayed as a hard dom but I kind of want to see him all soft dommy and fluffy cus maybe the reader is a virgin

"Don't cry, it will feel better soon"

maybe the first, but not the last time:

pairing: soft dom! hoseok x f. reader

genre: fluff || smut || established relationship au || non-idol au ||

summary: hoseok was written by a woman, and you're lucky he's all yours.

word count: 1.2k

tags/ warnings: fluff, smut in the forms of: vaginal fingering because hobi is a pleasure dom and a sweetheart and wants to make sure the reader is comfortable before she eventually loses her virginity, masturbation, mentions of bleeding.

notes: based on and off stage persona alone, i fully believe that hobi could pull off being both either soft or a little mean

drabble masterlist || my main masterlist

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ. ───

Hoseok was written by a woman.

And as much as you’d been skeptical at first, how any human could be so perfect, a man no less, months after making it official he showed no signs of any ill intentions; no hidden ulterior motives that usually lurked in the shadows, only making an appearance when your partner had you wholly to themselves.

It was inevitable that the topic of sex would be brought up at some point in his courting of you, and as much as he hadn’t been pushy about it, you still felt there would always be the dreaded expectation of one day having to lose your virginity hanging over your relationship like a stormcloud.

You cursed society for feeding you doubt, because truly virginity didn’t mean anything, shouldn’t mean anything. And as much as you like to remind yourself of this fact, it was the niggling anxiety of intimacy that had you shying away from the topic.

Hoseok was far from reserved. He had no qualms about peeing with the door open, or skipping around your apartment with nothing but a towel on, truly making himself comfortable around you. And that’s when you realized that maybe Hoseok was the person you wanted to hand your wretched v-card to, because if it were to be anyone, then it’s going to be Hobi.

He’d made it apparent he was in this for the long run, so if not now, then when?

“Are you sure?” his eyebrows crease, watching as you shift from foot to foot; you look ever so pretty stood looking down at him, the cutest little hue of pink dusting your cheeks.

“Yeah” you nod, tongue wetting your bottom lip.

“You’re nervous” he points out, sinking a little further into the couch, legs falling open.

“I mean it’s kind of a big deal?” your shoulders deflate, working yourself up for the impending rejection, you can see it on the tip of his tongue.

“It doesn’t have to be a big deal” he shrugs, “The concept of virginity is a pile of dogshit”

You stifle a laugh behind your hand, “But what if I’m bad?”

The corner of Hoseok’s lip tugs up, “You’re inexperienced, not bad” he tells you, patting his thigh– and you follow, settling gently over his lap.

Hoseok’s hands run over your back, teasing at the hem of your shirt; never venturing to run over your bare skin, “Plus, I really like you”

“What does that have to do with anything?” your eyebrows crease, stomach tensing as he runs his thumb over your bottom lip.

“You could give me the worst head ever, and I’d probably still cum, you’re so pretty baby” he murmurs, “Just looking at you is enough, you don’t have to do any of the hard bits– let me take care of you”

You nod.

“Words, darling” he tucks your hair behind your ear, “I need to know you really want this”

“I want it” you whisper, absolutely mesmerized.

“Do you trust me?” he dares ask, hands holding your cheeks as your body goes lax in his lap.

“Yes, with my whole life”

“That’s bold of you, baby” he laughs, “Lucky I’d trust you with mine, yeah?”

You swallow thickly, fingers eager as you tug at the waistband of his sweats.

“Let’s go somewhere more comfortable” he pats your ass, arms hooking under your thighs, balancing your body over his shoulder.

He’s gentle as he lays you down on his bed, and you say nothing as he takes long strides into the bathroom, emerging seconds later with a towel. He must see your confusion, “Just in case you bleed”

“You’re not really helping with my nerves” you admit and Hoseok’s head tips back in laughter.

“It’s common, nothing to worry about”

You watch as he pulls his shirt over his head, prickly realization that this was actually happening hitting you full force, “Can I keep my shirt on?” you whisper, a small part of you hoping that maybe he hadn’t heard you.

His eyes widen by a fraction, “Of course, if that’s what you want” he nods, “We’ll go as slow as you need”

It’s embarrassing, the dribble of slick that dampens your panties as Hoseok looms over you. Pretty lips kissing down your jaw until your fingers tangle in hair, pulling him up for a kiss.

You shudder as his hand slips past the waistband of your shorts, “Is this okay?” he asks, teasing the lacy trim of your panties.

You nod, hips bucking upwards in search of sweet relief. His thumb brushes over your panty-covered clit, a sharp moan barely muffled by a hand slipping past your lips.

“You’re so sensitive, darling” he croons, “Are you comfortable taking these off” he toys with the string of your shorts, and you nod, tugging both your sleep shorts and panties off as your boyfriend rummages through his nightstand.

He lubes his fingers up, gentle as his free hand roams your body, slow enough that you know what he’s doing.

Your thighs twitch as a finger prods the entrance of your cunt, “Is this okay?” he asks, barely pushing into you.

You nod, head tilting to watch as his thumb flicks over your clit, electric pleasure pushing another pitiful dribble of slick over Hoseok’s fingers.

You don’t have the right words to explain how it feels when one of your boyfriend’s fingers push past your walls, strange stretch overpowered by the pad of his fingers dragging over such an intimate place.

Saline tears gather at your waterline, utterly overwhelmed by the onslaught of new sensations.

It’s as Hoseok eases a second finger into you that you blink, wetting your cheeks.

"Don't cry, it will feel better soon" he coos, fingers curling into your sweet spot. Your hips buck up at the unexpected pleasure.

“It doesn’t feel bad” you hiccup, “Just a little weird”

“Just relax for me, yeah?” he kisses behind your ear, “It will all feel a lot better if you just relax”

The tighness in your muscles uncoils, eyes squeezing shut as you focus on the slow drag of Hoseok’s fingers thrusting into you.

His thumb presses down on your clit, heat simmering throughout your body, “Hobi” you cry, “Gonna–” your hand flies to cover your mouth, cheeks flushed red. Sudden relief washing over you as you tip over the edge.

“That’s it” he croons, gently pulling his fingers out of you, “You did so well” he shushes you, hands firms as they run over your quivering thighs. “I think that’s enough for today” he tells you.

“But–” you start, blinking up at him when he presses a finger to your lips.

“No buts baby, I told you we’ll take it slow. 2 fingers were pushing it, and that’s okay”

“What about you?” your glance down at his cock, tip an angry red that you can only assume hurts.

“Do you mind if I–?” he gestures down to his length, pre-cum dribbling down his shaft at your unwavering attention.

“It’s okay” you nod, watching as his hand wraps around his cock, slicked up with your arousal from his hands, lithe wrist picking up the pace as he tugs at his length.

Your cunt clenches around nothing as Hoseok cums over your thighs, milky white, painting your skin with his release.

“How about I run a bath for you?”

“Can we bathe together?” you ask, watching a gentle smile tug at his lips.

“If you’re okay with that, then I’d love to” he hums, “You wait here, pretty baby”

“Be quick, I feel sticky”

Hoseok was written by a woman, and this may be the first time you’d given yourself to a man, maybe not having gone all the way, but you’re sure this wouldn’t be the last time. Because like Hoseok, you saw yourself in this for the long run.

🌻 thank you for reading!! feedback is always welcome

permanent taglist: @m1sss1mp @supernoonanyc

#bts fanfic #bts fluff #bts smut #hoseok #hoseok imagine #bts fic #hoseok fanfic #hoseok x reader #bts hoseok #bts non idol au #hobi #bts au fic #bts drabble game

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homosexualasstransbian · 1 year

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Hi.

Welcome my blog, I reblog a lot, and sometimes i make my own posts.

We do not trust ourselves on the topic of what we are, we simply know that we exist.

We use the name Lucy. We use it/she/pup pronouns, with a preference for it/its and pup/pups.

We do not feel human, nor do we feel like we're fully alive, but we exist in this world, and we choose to enjoy it as much as we can (or we try to atleast)

We seem to be a system, there are 3 so far.

Only one of us fronts most of the time, the others just influence its decisions. Sometimes however, they try to be at the front, if that happens, please be patient, they seem to be new to this whole, pretending to be a human thing.

If you wish to support us financially, we have a ko-fi page

If you wish to ask us a question, the asks are open.

If you wish to talk to us, expect us to be dogshit at it, but you may try.

We have sideblogs:

@stuck-with-my-self <- is where we post any haikus or such that we write.

The other is currently irrelevant, you may ask us for the url to it, but we will not keep it out in the open.

If you are a minor: we will not block you for being here, but keep in mind that we will often reblog stuff that is nsfw, follow at your own risk.

If you are a terf, or you're exclusionist in any way, fuck off please.

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strangersteddierthings · 1 year

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Untitled Song

An installment in the The Interview universe.

"This is a love song."

"What? No, it's not!" Steve argues, looking back down at the notebook.

"It reads like a love song. The little bit you just sang for me has love song vibes," Robin leans more of her weight onto Steve's back, where she's standing over his shoulder reading the lyrics.

He stares down at the page. "Yeah. Okay. I see it. But, like, I didn't mean it to be all love song vibey."

"I would do it again if I could hold you for a minute," Robin reads in a flat tone, unimpressed.

"Okay! Stop, I don't- I mean- ugh!" Steve slumps forward, resting his forehead on the page of lyrics. "Okay, fine, but like, in context I'm clearly talking about like, reliving my whole life. I would do it all again."

"Did you just say that this is clearly about your whole life because if so, I want to be on the same drugs as you," Robin pushes off of him to move around the table and plop into the chair across from him. She tries her best to level him with a stare, but he doesn't give her the satisfaction by refusing to lift his head. The downside of being soulmates, she decides. He knows what she's going to do and when and can, therefore, avoid it. "Look, I get that he was, like, your first love and high school sweetheart but he couldn't have been that good of a fuck. It was just inexperience that made-"

"Robin!" Steve shouts over her, looking at her now so she can see his scandalized expression. Ha! She takes it back. It's an upside to being soulmates because she knows exactly what to say to rial him up. "It's not about the sex! It's about all of it. Everything. I don't- what Eddie did was shitty and it fucking hurt, but that was ten years ago. This song is about everything."

She doesn't see it that way, but even with how well she's able to read him, Steve's mind has always had its own way of thinking she can't quite nail down. With a sigh, she says, "Alright. Benefit of doubt time. Explain the song to me."

"It's not just about Eddie. It's about my whole life. You know how my parents were, how high their expectations were and how I had to hide almost everything about me while I lived with them. That's the my life was a storm since I was born. How could I fear any hurricane bit. And if I hadn't dated Eddie, like, at all. Well, I was already on the track to being an asshole in elementary school. Can you imagine who I would have been in high school if I was still that kid?

"It's also, like, if Eddie and I had stayed together... If we hadn't- I hadn't broken up with him, would I have met Dustin? Or Lucas and Max? Will or Mike, Nancy, and Jonathan? It's like, the years directly after Hey Steve were absolute dogshit, yeah, but it brought me all the people I love now," Steve looks down to the page again, either avoiding her eye contact or finding it too much. She's not sure which one. "If Eddie and I had stayed together there was only option for my future. Once the car had been fully put in my name, I'd have told Eddie to pick a city and we'd have left, for Eddie to chase his dream while I chased him. I wouldn't have gone to Chicago with you, never had the money to purchase that first place to live with you. Maybe never have discovered I loved interior design and house renovation. So, I would do it all again. It brought me my family."

She understands, now, what the lyrics really mean to him. However, she's also the one person in the whole world close enough to Steve to actually see it. "I get what you are saying. But these lyrics do not tell that story. Knowing your reasoning behind it does make me see them that way. But no one who hears that is going to know your tragic backstory."

"So, should I re-write this?"

"Depends. What is your goal with this... statement. What is the best case scenario."

Steve blinks at her. "Oh. Uh, best case, huh? I guess... I want to talk to Eddie, again. We parted on real bad terms, and I think I want closure from that?"

She narrows her eyes at him, judging. "Are you angry, like, at all?" She is. She's still furious with Eddie. His fucking song had blown Steve's life up virtually overnight. But also, she had thought they were friends, too. She hadn't realized their friendship was conditional, with that condition being he and Steve having to be in a relationship.

And, yeah, logically she knows she was Steve's friend first and it would be easy to default to believing she'd be on Steve's side but she wasn't. Not at first.

When Steve had shown up at her house, having gone straight from Eddie's to hers after he told them they were over, she'd held him through the night as he cried. But in the morning, she'd told him she needed to check on Eddie. He was her best friend, too. But Wayne told her he was gone, left last night to Chicago. Wayne had offered her a ride there with him, after he got Eddie's van running again and went to take it to him.

She said she'd think about it. Tried to reach out over all the socials, but Eddie didn't even check them, and then Hey Steve came out and there wasn't any room left in her to care about Eddie and his emotional state.

Not anymore. Not when he'd left her, too. Not when, even after Robin had made her own way to fame, he declined to meet with her. She'd tried to reach out but who was she, a new comer to the music scene and barely known, to Eddie Fucking Munson, lead guitarist to Corroded Coffin?

"I mean, sure, but like... it's been ten years. I don't- I have better things to think about than how mad I was... am? at Eddie. We were friends, first, y'know. And it's complicated. You know this," Steve says.

"Yeah, yeah," Robin waves off his words, "you're whole Eddie was a part of my life for longer than he's been gone from it thing. I'm not sure that the fifteen years of your childhood should be counted the same as this decade of adulthood."

"I get that you don't want to forgive him, and that's fine. But, forgiveness or not, I want closure."

"Okay. Keep the song as is."

"Really?"

"Yes," Robin says, a Cheshire cat grin spreading across her face. If Steve records and shares what sounds like a love song, there's almost a 100% chance that Gareth will reach out again. She knows they're expecting to see an angry and hurt Steve, but instead they'll get this? Robin's not above playing unfair. She hopes this breaks Eddie, consumes him with a guilt as deep as the original hurt felt. "I think we should let everyone think it's your sad, pathetic, pining for a decades-old-love song. It'll definitely get Gareth reaching out to me and my team again."

"Gareth's reached out?"

"It's his job. He's Corroded Coffin's PR Manager now, apparently. When Lauri told me Gareth had reached out, I asked to be included in the call. Anyway, not the point. The point is, if you want to talk to Eddie, this love song is the trick."

"It's not a love song!"

"Whatever you say, Dingus. Sing it again so I can imagine the music to go with it."

#the interview #platonic stobin #my fic #just a little scene about why robin let steve record a love song in her studio #she wanted to hurt eddie as much as he hurt her and steve #does she feel guilty about it? eventually #anyway #enjoy this little snippet that didnt end up in the original fic

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clocks-are-round · 5 months

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stares into the abyss

i think my overall opinion on restoration is “good enough”. i’m just grateful the show didn’t end on a note like zero.

it wasn’t terrible, it had its good moments. it had its… less great moments. but it just felt so good to be with the characters again. especially red team, they felt right. the wash b plot felt a little off but it was fine i guess.

it could’ve been better but it was good. and i think that’s enough.

there’s always fanfiction to continue carrying the red vs blue torch. and i kinda like that it implied that it might’ve been a simulation. that it was final… but it doesn’t have to be, yknow?

it wasn’t perfect but i never expected it to be. i don’t think i could put red vs blue fully behind me if i tried, but that’s why we’re here. as a fandom. as a community. whether you loved it, thought it was dogshit, or somewhere in between, we love those rainbow colored dumbasses and want the best for them.

What that means is different from person to person. Different stories, different arcs, different headcanons. But we all found each other in the same place because of that show. Hell, I found my partner because of that fucking show. I found friends to play Halo Infinite with. I found awesome people who are helping me make a Red vs Blue spinoff fanseries (yeah still working on that).

I think it’s pretty great to have found here with all of you

#red vs blue #rvb19

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project-sekai-facts · 1 year

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Any opinion on Akito and Ena's dad ?

I don’t think he’s the best parent ever by any means, but I also think people often greatly exaggerate what he did to his kids. Both him and his kids have a pretty blunt way of talking and I think this is why they clash so often. The thing is, none of what he said to Ena about art being a terrible field of work to go into was wrong, it’s just that instead of trying to help Ena, he just told her she was talentless which like don’t fucking say that to your child??? I get that he was trying to look out for Ena but he just approached it in the worst possible way and ruined Ena’s mental health. He’s clearly been through it in his art career and doesn’t want Ena to go through the same, especially when she’s already struggling at a non-professional level, but he’s not the greatest parent going and clearly doesn’t know how to talk to his kids. He’s gotten better after Akito talked to him, but still has some work to do.

What I’m saying when people exaggerate what he did is that people tend to dial up the abuse to be more like Harumichi & Toya’s mother or Mafuyu’s parents and this is a very different case. Shin’ei clearly doesn’t know how to communicate with his kids and isn’t good at parenting, and I don’t think he meant to hurt Ena as bad as he did. He didn’t think she would be able to handle an art career and didn’t want her to get hurt, but he ended up hurting her more because he has dogshit communication skills. Yes, he still abused her and isn’t like a hugely present figure in her or Akito’s life (might be work-related? It’s never explained) but I don’t think he intentionally crushed her mental health and self worth. Considering one of his hobbies is camping trips with the family I think he actually does love his kids, he just isn’t a good parent.

It’s a very complex case because yes he did abuse Ena but it doesn’t entirely seem like it was intentional? Like telling her she was talentless was an intentional decision but I don’t think he said it because he wanted her to suffer emotionally for years, does that make sense? It wasn’t like Harumichi who made Toya practice past the point of injury and his wife who banned Toya from having any free time just because they wanted him to be a musical prodigy and live up to their expectations of their family (also Toya has older brothers who probably went through the exact same thing before him). And it wasn’t like Mafuyu’s mother who manipulates her daughter into becoming what she wants her to be and is fully aware of the fact she’s manipulating her, and then tries to manipulate other people on top of that to believe that she’s a good mother and actually cares about her daughter.

Shin’ei actually does seem to care about Ena and Akito and the fact that he does seem to try and change after Akito talks to him adds more proof to that. Harumichi hears Toya out and Toya isn’t scared of him anymore, and although he hasn’t really shown up much since Nocturne, whenever he does or whenether he’s mentioned there’s still this sort of disconnect between him and Toya still? Like he’s kinda just accepted that Toya rebelled against his expectations as an Aoyagi but you can tell he still doesn’t see eye to eye with Toya and probably never will. Hell, when Mrs Asahina is called out on her actions, she tries to manipulate the person calling her out in the exact same way she does her daughter. So Shin’ei at the very least tries to be better even if the improvement isn’t huge and I think a lot of people in the fandom miss that part? Like I consistently see people describe/portray him as far more intentionally malicious and hurtful and sometimes even physically abusive and he isn’t?? Yes he abused Ena and doesn’t seem hugely present in Akito’s life compared to like Ken, but how he abused his kids reads very differently to the other more notable abusive parents. I’ve already said it loads by now but the intent is different. And this is a character analysis and not an opinion

Uh yeah I think he’s pretty well written and I’d like to know a bit more about him but maybe I should invest in the fanbook for that. He’s very realistic like this is definitely something that happens a lot in real life. Some parents just aren’t good at it and don’t mean to hurt their kid but they end up doing so because they just don’t know how to care for them and communicate with them properly. He feels very human.

He’s a shit parent and I hope this doesn’t read like an apologist post because it’s not meant to be, like he drove Ena into a deep depression that’s fucked up. I just wanted to point some stuff out because I really like how he’s written and think he’s a pretty interesting character.

#asks #mod talks #project sekai #shin'ei shinonome

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oblivionbladetd · 4 months

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Lily and the Wonderful World of False Equivalency!

I've been stewing on this a while, and when focusing specifically on her self-appointed career, it's probably one of the worst things she does. (Because peeping at the larger whole has us gazing down the barrel of sexual abuse, grooming, and several other vile things Lily has perpetuated over the years.) But before this, context.

HBomberguy has two videos, one about Fallout 3, the other about Sherlock, both about how they are garbage. Now, this might come as a shock to some that he doesn't bring up other properties in his take downs. In the Fallout 3 video, he doesn't talk about anything other than Fallouts 1-3. In Sherlock, he does branch out, but only into Moffat's other projects and the original Sherlock Holmes story's. Both videos are very tightly focused and worth the watch for it.

Now, those who have had the major lapse in judgment that I had in 2016 watch the infamous Steven Universe video and probably remember that nearly 30 minute long diatribe about Kotor... The comparison doesn't really work on many levels, but the big one the little problems all lead to is that Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic is a rated T role-playing game that will have infinitely less restrictions compared a primarily children focused show on a major television network. Leave light sith, dark jedi, gems being tools, and anything about the diamonds at the damn door. despite passing similarities, they are vastly different beasts in execution.

Then more recently we had her compare Laios and his quest to save his sister to an episode of Digimon where Tai is upset his sister got sick and there isn't more he can do to help her. Leave alone questions of morale, preparedness, and general dispositions. Lily Orchard compared the entirety of what will be a 30+ episode adult anime that already existed as a near 100 chapter Manga to just 1 episode of Digimon. Are you out of your fucking mind woman??? I hate to break it to you but Tai doesn't explain why he's upset just because he's at wits end! HE DOES IT FOR THE BENEFIT OF THE SINGLE DIGIT AGE CHILDREN THE SHOW IS MADE FOR!!!

It's such a shitty way to bolster weak points because it leaves no room for nuance. Kotor and SU both involve space colonization, but that's about where the comparison ends. Any nuance from there on out can just be explained by how vastly different they are and the vastly different circumstances of their creation. Steven talks the diamonds down for many reasons, but key amongst it all is that it's a children's show. Like how being a light side sith can have nuance for many reasons, but key amongst it all being the expectation that you aren't a child and are fully aware of the consequences of your actions and the actions made around you.

It can't be anything other than shallow mud slinging because the only way it works at all is by that single vague thread. By this logic, I can say, oh let's see... "Anything about creating personas to strike fear into certain people is the same." And it doesn't sound like I don't have a point until you are tasked with acknowledging that the SAW movies, Persona 5, and Scooby-Doo have no meaningful differences. Sure you can pontificate a bit on it, but I'd raise you the fact that the rpg elements of Saw are dogshit. The fact that anybody gives Lily a pass on this let, leave alone her general hostility or the mountains of evidence of just how vile of a person she is, it's as laughable as it is depressing.

She's a terrible critic, a garbage writer, and a truly despicable person. And this has been one of many snippets of exactly why.

#lily orchard #lily peet #lily orchard is a bad writer #lily orchard is a bad critic #lily orchard is garbage and here's why

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bicycleboyblog · 3 months

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This question is from Mastodon.

Hmm... I can't answer this fully without spoilers, but I can give a few tidbits.

According to my dogshit first draft, BB woulda ended in Chapter 5 or 6 when Solle read a convenient letter detailing Isaac's life. Here's an older ask about the first draft.

Darla and Gabriel were total surpise ocs I never expected to have.

Chapter 7 used to have a very silly mock-interrogation scene where Darla and Wicky tried to seduce Machk and Poet into traveling with them. I regret cutting that one so bad it was funny as fuck

In Chapter 8, it used to be that Skip returned to Fort Anne willingly, thinking dad was still there. I've still got scrapped sketch pages from that. It meant the guys didn't get caught until after they visited the bunker, buuuut... it didn't make sense. :V

Speaking of which! Machk was originally present for the bunkerlab scene. He acted as mediator to Skip and consoled Poet.

Also, I change my mind on who lives and who dies...a lot! But don't worry about it. :D

#when the webcomic's done I would love to go into detail of all the changes to the plot! most of them are in the final quarter.#ask #ferro #mastodon #bicycle boy

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theboookwitch · 5 days

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Love Next Door spoilers below (and ranting that is not friendly to Seunghyo's character so if you don't want to partake, scrolling is free)!

It's actually so annoying how there are so many dramas that people love and adore that I just can't be obsessed with due to being a 34 year old with a fully formed frontal lobe and at least a decade of being treated terribly by men lol

Like I wanted to be obsessed with Love Next Door. I genuinely enjoyed the first like 4 episodes. I need to start out by saying the acting is incredible and I would die for Mo-eum and the reporter and his daughter. I deeply related to Seokryu as a burnt out older daughter with a difficult relationship with her mom and all of her family's expectations. I loved that in the first 4 episodes you could see that yes, while they did bicker, the genuine friendship and care was still there. And I typically love a "he fell first" moment. BUT...here is where my issues come into play.

I cannot fucking stand when it's a friends to lovers story and the man falls first and then goes on to treat the FL like actual dogshit bc she's not living up to the expectations in his head. Like Seokryu does not know that Seunghyo likes her. She continues to treat him like he's her lifelong friend that she deeply cares about. And at every single turn, he is acting like a petulant child. You can say "ohhh but he does all this stuff for her when she's not looking! it's so cuteeeee." I don't care. To her face, he keeps telling her things like that she needs to grow up and leave the past behind. When she brings him the food she makes on the first day of class and he turns it down in such a mean way and then gets all pissed off and jealous when her ex eats her food? I was so annoyed. He had ten fucking years to tell her he liked her and yes...timing was off and things were fucked, but that doesn't mean you can treat someone like that who has no idea why you're behaving like that. She looks so hurt and confused. And he gets mad at her for everything and instead of being an adult and communicating or just idk having the thought of like "oh my crush is my fault I can't take it out on her" he continues to be a dick. Telling her she needs to move on and they can't be close or whatever like he wasn't the one who remodeled her room and moved back to his parents as soon as she came back to Korea. Like he wasn't the one who told her the time capsule letter was a joke.

Idk maybe bc I've had close guy friends before who like ended up treating me like shit bc I allegedly friend zoned them when I genuinely thought we were friends but they got it into their heads that I owed them sex bc we were friends...but I can't handle that shit. If you cannot get your shit together and confess or if you cannot get over your feelings and treat a woman with the same respect you'd treat any friend, then it's hard for me to root for you. Also like...y'all ever notice that when women have unrequited feelings, we don't tend to be assholes to the person we have the feelings for? Bc we don't automatically assume we deserve their love and attention?

Also, even before he finds out about her diagnosis, he knows that she's at least going through a massive break up, work burnout and quitting a job and also moving back home - like if he's allegedly her best friend...why does he treat her like that when she's going through it? If he loves her so much, how is he making this like super rough time in her life completely about him? I get it - he also has trauma and was raised with parents who do not talk and that I'm sure has informed his life. I understand. Truly. BUT!!! While trauma can be a reason for your actions, it is not an excuse to then go ahead and be a dick to people around you.

Also...his reaction to her diagnosis...once again making it about himself and his hurt? That is not the move. I don't care if he is scared and angry and hurt. I don't give a fuck about his feelings. SHE HAD CANCER!!!!!!! AND HER ALLEGED BEST FRIEND WHO LOVES HER CALLED HER PATHETIC!!!!!!! HELLO?????

If that happened to a friend of mine, I would hunt that man down and beat him to a pulp.

Once again, I will say that the acting is amazing. I love Jung Haein and Jung Somin. BUT when thinking of this stuff in reality, I just was getting so mad every episode. There are so many ways to get around or get over feelings without being an absolute asswipe.

Sorry I needed to rant bc I haven't seen one post of anyone thinking anything is wrong with his behavior. Just tons of posts talking about his feelings...weirdly enough, I've seen people call Seokryu selfish. Love how that happens.

Anyways, I'm gonna wait for the fanfic where Seokryu ends up with his ex and they live a beautiful lesbian life making beautiful pottery and beautiful food and beautiful love.

#negative opinion about love next door so if you are obsessed with it and don't want to be mad please scroll #love next door spoilers #love next door #kdrama rant #kdrama #kdramaedit #kdramasource #kdramadaily

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boobelles · 16 days

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okay, here me out:

- cranberry juice

- coca cola

- watermelon (propel) drink powder

- cinnamon

I fully expected this to be godawful, but it isn't half bad. Important note, I just threw the last bit of a can of coke in there, it's good with carbonation, but more coke may make it taste like dogshit

My friends are calling it the Pharaoh's curse.

#cursed drink #the flavor #cursed #me posts

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lanaevyssmoved · 1 year

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do u have any game recommendations that have character creation? besides bg3 ofc

gonna be real i wouldnt recommend bg3 for a character creation game because you can only use preset faces ...... bro but if you mean it in an oc way......

i would recommend.............

heavily modded skyrim, if you don't wanna do it yourself use wabbajack, some of the modlists on there are designed for graphics or high end systems and have very pretty characters. there's also ones not like that with rougher characters or more vanilla characters. lots of choice! do not get into the community though, this is a warning

following on from that, any elder scrolls game - morrowind is the best and one of my all time favourite games

you can follow on from that with fallout if you like the setting. i recommend fallout 1 and 2 the most as i'm not the hugest fan of bethesdas fallout but that is not a common opinion that be a hot take

heavily modded final fantasy xiv, you can fully mod on the free trial version as far as i know - be warned this is an extremely slippery slope because it has a modding community to rival skyrim and many customisation mods are paid for however there are ways around that. anyway you can get mods from here, here and here as well as the nexus

elden ring, dark souls 3 - the other dark souls but those character creations look like dogshit ass but still fun to make ocs in imo.. demon souls if you own a ps5....... i do not

pillars of eternity, tyranny, while visually quite limiting the character creators are still very neat from a roleplay pov - tyrannys has a lil "post character creation" game you get to play where you make "post game" choices and i uh, used to play that all the time for fun without intent to keep playing.....

a good follow up to that would be dragon age, all three of them but specially origins, i used to play the origins and not continue the rest of the game for fun! now be warned all of these games suck terrible dick in terms of modding because it's awkward and annoying and easily broken! i recently replayed dao and dai and so much of that time was spent troubleshooting...... joyous

have to kind of mention mass effect after? but ur kind of always making the same character..... ive always struggled with mass effect personally. maybe its the setting?

you can also look at starfield since that's got actually a pretty decent cc but i did find it quite limiting. but i've not really played it for more than an hour cuz bg3 exists so i can't say much

back to crpgs, the two pathfinder games! again limiting on the character side but roleplay side very very strong. i've not played wotr but i have mutuals who act like it is gods gift to gaming and i believe them. i really liked the first!

the outer worlds could be a good choice, i really like that games aesthetic but it's another space game and i think we're seeing a pattern that i'm just not that into those. hm. it was bethesda style gaming in space before starfield exists with the personality of fallout, kind of ?

this ones going far out there but crusader kings iii has an insane character creation and my favourite ruler ever was this old witch woman cannibal who slowly but surely turned her whole corner of the globe into a witch worshipping cannibal cult. i miss her

age of wonders 4 has a really cool cc, you can even make dragons with the dlc like Actual dragons.... i have made so many characters in there and gave them their funny little lores.. age of wonders has real cool lore and it is Completely ignored by tumblr afaik and that sucks

encased is a really cool rpg it's another sci-fi-y one.. it isn't as polished as you might expect cuz it's a very ambitious game but a small indie studio but i would say if you enjoy fallout 1 + 2 you will enjoy encased

dragons dogma! you get to make two people in this just like in bg3! i made a lil girl and her big brother and i was so fucking emotional over them that i was crying constantly even when nothing was going on. i played dragons dogma to fucking death on the ps3 and i think its interesting and rich enough to sink ur teeth into

i have to mention greedfall as the owner of the greedfall url.... greedfall is very interesting as its a double A title akin to a dragon age game.. it might make one feel a tad uncomfortable because it comes across as colonialism the rpg but it does get very interesting and it has neat as hell characters and magic and big monsters who fuck hard

wasteland 3! kinda again has the fallout type of vibe it is violent and full of dark themes and twisted themes but its also extremely comical its true black humour at times and you get to make two characters again and you can even make TWO MORE CHARACTERS so i had a bunch of custom characters.. u can get really wild in the cc as well and builds are SUPER fun....... v good game

spellforce 3!!!!! i love this game, the cc is again like another crpg one but spellforce 3 has very deep lore spanning many games .. its not typical crpg in that its also like a strategy war game too but i think it does the mixture very well and i LOVEEEEEEEE the lore!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

uh i forgot to mention divinity original sin 1/2 because .. bg3 should lead you right there but uh. play them both! the first is so good in coop i feel cuz of the natural banter between the protagonists. if you don't have friend the second is very good single player just. be warned i don't think it has good endings but the ride is worth it!! and divinity lore fucks hard. i also recommend divinity dragon commander because its so much fun

can i say stardew valley? mayhaps sun haven too? if ur crazy like me you can turn these into prime oc generators. also mods

oh, monster hunter world and by extension wild hearts. monster hunter world lets you make a cat and while ur character themselves doesn't get to do much story wise i did get very obsessed with my character and wanting them fight cool monsters. wild hearts is similar though your character does feel a bit more special- be warned this game is known for running like ass on most systems, its pretty good for me but be warned all the same

TEEHEES.... KENSHI!!!!!!!!!!!! i was holding back on mentioning kenshi but i can't. you can make a whole fucked up lil squad if u want. u got weird alien races. u got a billion fucking mods. u can have ur buddies limps removed and give them robot ones. u can make an army of weirdos. bro i got so invested in my kenshi squad i was writing FANFIC. i was dreaming of them. i was unable to sleep about them. i miss them so fucking much dude!! kenshi doesnt really have a story beyond what u make it. that shit is a SANDBOX.. and i love it so much. everyone should play kenshi. its kinda like rimworld if u want a comparison. i think its Perfect. the best game to exist ever (lie) its so wonderful....... man........its also broken as shit cuz its the most ambitious game to exist ever and it was made by 1 dude so

oh if u like anime games i have to mention code vein (souls like) and god eater (monster hunter like ?) they have very good ccs and i know people super into the lore and stuff. i only played code vein and i liked it a lot honestly

uhhh i mentioned 1 mmo so i should probably mention guild wars 2, the cc is very good, the whole games end game is about fashion and looking amazing. the lore is also super duper neat! i haven't played it for a long time now but i did play it on launch and i had a blast for a few years

if you like d&d i would recommend solasta! it has a very good cc i think honestly and it feels the most like this is d&d in a video game out of every game i've ever played, and it translates the system very and faithfully (as opposed to say bg3 who changed things for game reasons). solasta is also best with friends because its so in that vibe of this is a silly lil d&d party. its much fun

lol i got the block text limit popup

kotor 1 and 2, it might be hard to get into the lore and characters if you're not into star wars but i found it pretty ok to as not a huge star wars fan. i also think they deserve to be played despite that as well because they are fantastic rpgs and some of the best bioware ever made

vampire the masquerade bloodlines!!! i am not a vampire fan really, a small one, but this game captivated me.... very easy to get into making a character i feel and ur given enough to make characters that align different ways easily. the combat did not age well..... but the story and roleplay absolutely did

ok.. im gonna stop here.. but i will say give games like icewind dale and arcanum a chance.. look at old as hell crpgs and try them. this includes bg1+2 which i still need to play myself but will be soon! they are classics because their stories are fantastic, and shouldn't be missed out on!!!!!

#ask #Anonymous #THIS GETS REALLY LONG AND WORDY BTW..#i wanted to actually talk about games not just list off some #i hope this is helpful dlfgkdfgd

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quietsamurai98 · 3 months

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So, thoughts on Doctor Who Season 1/14/40 now that it's over... MAJOR SPOILERS WITHIN!

It was... fine? I guess?

I've been doing a Doctor Who rewatch between the releases of the new episodes. Holding up the other seasons next to the new one throws some issues into sharp relief.

First and foremost, probably the root of most of the other issues... The episode count. The season was just way, way too short. Eight episodes (nine, including Church on Ruby Road) is just not enough time to fully flesh out the main characters and their relationship and dynamic, not enough time to build a cohesive storyline, and not enough time to pace the story correctly.

Second... I feel like the characters of the Fifteenth Doctor and Ruby Sunday just weren't explored as thoroughly as they should've been, and definitely not the relationship/dynamic between the two, especially when one episode (Dot and Bubble) has the Doctor and Ruby practically off screen almost all episode, and another (73 Yards) has the Doctor off screen all episode and Ruby basically stripped of all agency. A few more episodes could've done wonders for letting the audience get to know the characters better.

Third... The lack of a cohesive storyline. Yes, there are some recurring things (Susan Twist cameos, the TARDIS growling, the snowing, the pantheon), but it really felt like you could basically take episodes 1 though 6 and shuffle them, with minimal changes made, and it wouldn't make much of a difference. In fact, I'd be willing to bet that something like that happened in production, and that Devil's Chord was originally meant to air significantly later in the season before being moved up for Reasons™.

IMO, the best single season of NuWho was season 10, with Twelve and Bill Potts. God, I loved that season. Bill is probably one of my favorite companions, Twelve was firing on all cylinders,The ongoing mystery of What's in The Vault?, the exploration of Missy's character, and the finale... Actually, let me talk about the finale a bit.

I feel like Empire of Death fell a bit flat for me because it had stakes so comically high that they wrapped right back around to being completely meaningless. If all life in practically the entire universe is ended, there are no stakes left, because you know it'll be undone by the end of the episode. The ending is a forgone conclusion right from the beginning. And I'm sorry, but the twist being "there was no twist! this mythical, extremely important, deeply mysterious character is just some woman!" is just a shitty twist. It's deeply unsatisfying. It's only a twist because people didn't expect the story to be bad. And yes, yes, I get it, "everyone is important, in nine hundred years of time and space and I've never met anybody who wasn't important before, etc", but we've already done that! Twice! Donna Noble and Clara Oswald!

Compare that with the finale of season 10. It had reasonable stakes, stakes that the show could afford to lose without having to retcon everything. It had a satisfying twist with Missy deciding to kill The Master, and then a double twist with The Master killing Missy right back. And then, most importantly, the Doctor loses. He's up against impossible odds, and for once, he actually fails. That's how you do a damn twist in a show that constantly has the Doctor pulling impossible wins out of his back pocket! Of course, that's not the kind of twist you can pull all the time, but still. It's engaging. You're not just sitting there wondering "Oh, how are they going to retcon the apocalypse this time?" So yeah... I'd prefer to see losable stakes in the future. Or at least, stakes that aren't so catastrophically high that the only resolution is "they're gonna have to retcon it within the episode somehow".

For as much complaining as I've done, overall, I have to say that 1/14/40 was fine. It was solid television. A good 7/10. Not an internet 7/10, where anything below an 8 is dogshit, but an actual 7/10. It was better than average, but still pretty middling.

#doctor who spoilers #dw spoilers #doctor who #SERIOUSLY! MAJOR SPOILERS!

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strvwdere · 2 years

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He's been on my mind and my dash today. Uploaded from the dox archive, briefly edited, and still doesn't have a title! Taking suggestions in the tags <3

Edit: title added!

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"Unannounced"

Aki Hayakawa x gnc!Reader drabble (~1k words)

CW!s: Fluff, brief mention of blood, suggestions of violence and hookup culture, one (1) use of profanity, no pronouns or anatomy descriptions for reader, JP urban life context, Aki is a sweetie pie, **note at the end if u care to read!

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Thinking about the first time you ever put your lips on Aki Hayakawa.

It was far more innocent than others might suspect. With your jobs and daily lives entrenched in spectacular horrors, it was practically expected for those in your position to blow off steam with one another. You'll admit you'd had a brief tryst or two, but now you had a new partner. And Aki didn’t seem like the type.

It's 02:37am and the train car is blissfully empty, not a sloshed up salaryman in sight. Aki had offered you a seat but chose to stand himself, claiming that he'd likely fall asleep if he took a moment to rest his long legs. You could see the truth of it on his face, but also knew he looked most comfortable staying on guard. Frankly, you wouldn't be surprised if the man slept with one eye open, literally.

He's got one hand on the baggage rail above you, the other fiddling with his lighter in the pocket of his suit pants. He catches you staring down at his sneakers, scanning them with casual curiosity, when he prompts,

"What?"

You blink, "They're clean."

“Huh?”

Aki thinks you must be blind, but he’s not rude enough to call you on it. Today’s shift had been your first time patrolling Shibuya together, so it was brutal, naturally. There’s not one article of clothing between the two of you without blood smeared on it somewhere. Standard rite of passage.

“The department chair said you like to stay busy. You a sneakerhead? There’s not a single scuff on those.”

“Not sure what the state of my footwear has to do with anything.”

“Sorry.”

You glance off to the side, not wanting him to presume scrutiny any further.

One thing about Aki- 90% of the time he’s vaguely dismissive and the other 10% he’s shy. 100% of the time you’re dogshit at reading him in the moment.

The ambiance of the train rattling down its track settles over you both. Stops coming and going, announcements crackling through the speakers and flashing on the overhead digital monitors as you pass through. Your lids are about to slip shut when he speaks, almost mumbling to himself.

“I like to take care of things.”

You roll your head along the back of the seat to look placidly in his direction again.

“Come again?”

He clears his throat.

“I like to take care of my stuff. Is that a bad thing?”

“Not really, just surprising to me.”

“What’s so different about it?”

Your eyes follow the long column of his tie from the barely loosened knot at his throat, down his slim torso, to the pointed end that meets perfectly at the top of his belt buckle. Meticulous, you think. Meeting his eyes again as a wry smile tugs faintly at your lips, you state,

“You’re a serious guy, Aki Hayakawa.”

“Yeah, guess so.”

He turns away, shielding his face with his arm still resting on the baggage rail, and casting his gaze over his toned shoulder. You’d assume he was dismissing you again, were it not for the visible tip of his ear tinted the lightest shade of pink. Look at that, you muse internally. The other 10%.

-The next stop is Ueno, G16. Please change here for the Hibiya line, the JR lines, and the Keisei line. This train is bound for Asakusa.-

You uncross your legs preparing to stand, semi-accidentally brushing your boot across the width of his shin as you do. He doesn’t flinch, but continues to avoid eye contact.

“Your stop, right?”

“Yep,” you quip, pulling the strings in your limbs against their will. Exhaustion is hitting you more fully now as you gather yourself. You’ll test Aki’s buttons another time, you decide. A time when a hot shower and your mattress aren’t demanding your presence so immediately.

-Arriving at Ueno, G16. The doors will open on the left side.-

“Don’t forget we’re touching base at HQ first tomorrow, and bring your report. They’ll want one from both of us since you’re an internal transfer.”

“Sir, yes sir.”

You rise carefully to your feet, slinging your bag over your shoulder and steeling yourself for the next leg of your commute.

You’re mid-reach for the strap above when the train activates its breaks, rocking you forward and directly into Aki’s firm chest. An arm comes up to steady you against him while your outstretched hand aims for the baggage rail, landing on top of his own instead.

His voice is as rigid as the rest of him when he asks,

“You good?”

You tilt your head up sheepishly to reply and are struck by the fine architecture of his flexing jawline. Here you are hip to hip, eye to eye, and he’s still avoiding your gaze, burning holes into the wall of the train car behind you.

Whether it’s impetuousness or sleeplessness, something overcomes you. Rising onto the balls of your feet, arm pulling yourself up and in, you plant a soft, fleeting kiss to the underside of Aki’s chin.

-Ueno. This is Ueno station. Please watch your step.-

“Take good care of me, partner.”

-The next stop is Ueno-hirokoji, G15. Please transfer here for the Toei Oedo line.-

His arm leaves your waist and your hand uncovers his as you step away, dashing onto the platform just before the doors begin to close.

As the train pulls away, you’re left with a lingering sense of frustration and the impression of his body heat still ghosting your skin.

What you didn’t catch behind those doors was Aki, collapsed on the seat with his head in his hands, blushing bright red all the way down to his collar.

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©strvwdere.tumblr.com; est. 02/2023; no quotes, reposts, or translations 🍓

**Note: I really wanted to make a cute reference to the way the phrase “yoroshiku onegaishimasu” is used in Japanese. One of its many meanings is “please treat me favorably” or “please take good care of me” and is often used in introductions and establishing coworker connections. That said, there is no direct translation to English so I’m afraid it came out a little clunky here (in my head, the reader essentially says “Please take care of me, Hayakawa Senpai). Lmk if you guys have any ideas! This was a quick bit I thought up while in the middle of my JP studies in preparation for going abroad. Had a lot of fun toying with our favorite Devil Hunter and looking through Tokyo-metro's website- that level of organization is A1!

#aki hayakawa x reader #aki x reader #aki hayakawa fluff #aki fluff #gnc #chainsaw man #csm #chainsaw man writing #writing #aki fic #csm fic #rin.sugar #rin.bit

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usmsgutterson · 23 days

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Achilles Heel - Givenson

one, two, three, four

ooooookay!! This is the third chapter of the achilles heel miniseries which also coincidentally is the last chapter I had fully prewritten before posting. This is also the last chapter with a whole shitload of angst--the epilogue/final chapter will have fluffier undertones in most of, if not all of the scenes because I love angst but closely followed by that is my love for fluff and domestic softness.

Warnings - the heart attack is b i g in this one in a lot of ways--a heart attack is triggered with a defibrillator on purpose and as such a heart attack is depicted and a few of the symptoms are described, there are mentions of guns and scenes with them as such (specifically, a scene where the harlan-ified version of russian roulette is played), dementia and things to that effect are mentioned once (maybe twice--it's mentioned in the context of tims mother) slow, methodical torture designed to break a person is mentioned but not depicted, stockholm syndrome is described but not mentioned by name, there's at least a few mentions of tims time in the military! I've edited this three times so I don't think there are any mistakes but I'm only human so if there are, please tell me and I'll fix that

The first thing that Tim notices when he wakes is the pounding headache that sets in. The second is the fact that his wrists and ankles are bound to a goddamned radiator. Much to Tims luck and chagrin simultaneously, it’s not a working radiator.

He does his best to take inventory, despite the fact that the room he’s in is small and so dark that it’s incredibly difficult to see much of anything. He can’t see more than maybe a foot or two ahead of himself, and that prompts the anxiety.

It starts in his stomach, just like it always does. He doesn’t try to fight it, doesn’t really have the strength.

“Tim Gutterson,” that voice is another one that Tim could recognize anywhere, but for an entirely different set of reasons. That voice is so distinctive it hurts, so plainly and obviously belonging to Boyd Crowder that it almost kind of stings. “Been a while, has it not?”

“Eleven years,” Tim shrugs, tugs gently at his bindings in some small effort to see if he can tell which type of rope Boyd had used to restrain him. “Four thousand days and a bit of change, maybe. Feels like it's been longer to me but I suspect that ain't shit compared to how long it's felt for you, given that most of those four thousand days were spent rottin' away in maximum security."

The stuff that Boyd restrained him with feels too much like some thicker version of para cord for it to be a coincidence. Tim lets his fingers feel for the knot that keeps his wrists tied at the centre and finds that it’s sort of loose, too—Boyd, as good as he might be with his words, is absolute dogshit with knots. It’s not much consolation considering Tim doesn’t have experience with them, either, but he’ll find a way to make it work in his advantage when Boyd isn’t looking.

"You're right," Boyd says. "You have got no clue how long eleven years can feel for a man until you spend those eleven years locked up in a goddamn six by nine foot cell."

"I know you organized crime types never expect to get caught, but we always catch you," Tim shrugs, rolls his neck and doesn't grimace when he hears it crack.

“You wanna know why I brought you here, Tim?”

“Not particularly,” Tim shrugs again, tugs at his restraints once more because he has never really liked the feeling of rope against his wrists or ankles, let alone fuckin’ para cord. “I’d rather you just kill me and get this whole ordeal over with, I think.”

“You’re still workin’ with the marshals,” says Boyd, phrasing it more like a statement than a question. Tim fights the growing frustration he feels at the fact that Boyd has yet to come out and face him but quells it, briefly, with the thought of Raylan Givens aiming a gun at Boyds forehead.

“Yep,” Tim says, gritting his teeth as he tugs harsher at the restraints in an effort to get himself off of the radiator, at a minimum. “You hear about Raylans bein’ back in town yet? I thought you woulda, considerin’.”

“I’ve heard a lot about that,” Boyd says. “Didn’t really believe it for a long while, but you’ll forgive me for that. More’n a decade spent in captivity has, to say the least of it, made a whole lotta shit harder to believe than not these days. Harlan ain’t like it used to be in my heyday—some old veterans bought Johnnys bar, gave it a new name and a new status.”

“You abducted me from there,” Tim nods. “I know damn well what Kingstons is.”

“I hear right?” Boyd asks. Tim tries to use the shit he hasn’t used since he was a ranger—tries to focus his eyes on something, anything in the room to start sharpening his senses to no avail because the room is so dark that there’s nothing to focus on within his line of sight. “What’s this business about you havin’ a heart attack? One of my boys who was stakin’ the place out said Raylan was on the phone after I’d gotten you away, said he was talkin’ up a big scare about me doin’ something to trigger another?”

Tim grunts as he tries to pull on his restraints again and nothing comes of it.

“Answer the question, Tim.”

“My health is of absolutely none of your concern if your aim is to torture and then eventually kill me,” Tim says, tugging his restraints harsher than the previous times. It still yields nothing, much to his chagrin. “Actually, you know what? I’ll bite. My condition before I do is that you need to turn on a goddamned light in here. I can’t see for shit, and I ain’t supposed to need glasses for another five years, at least.”

“Oh yeah? Did your daddy not need glasses til he was fifty? Is that how you know?”

“My daddy has been dead damn near thirty years,” Tim snaps. “Twenty-seven and some change, if you’re wantin’ to be pedantic about it.”

“Your mommas still kickin’, though,” Boyd says. Tim, knowing that his mother is an unnecessarily painful kind of sore spot, says nothing. Boyd turns the light on and his surroundings come to life.

He’s restrained and tucked against the radiator in the corner of the barn, and there’s not much else to boot—it's a barn, albeit a fairly small one. There's a back door somewhere off to his left, the floor is primarily dirt and hay, and there’s one, singular window near the ceiling that displays a sky that shows off nightfall.

“Your momma ain’t shuffled off this mortal coil quite yet,” Boyd sits down across from him. “To my own understandin’, shes at—uh, what is it? Springhill, I think—Springhill Long Term Care in Corydon, about ninety miles out from the town you grew up in.”

“Don’t you dare,” the idea of his mothers life being threatened while she’s in the state she’s in? It scares him almost as much as he’d been scared upon waking up from the heart attack. “She has no part in this, Boyd. Shit—she's an eighty year old woman. I know you well enough to know not to expect much but ain’t no way in Christs name you’d kill someone who’s otherwise the very definition of defenceless.”

“You don’t know me,” Boyd says it so simplistically that it almost hurts him. “You make one wrong move and I’ll call the order in, do I make myself clear, Timothy?”

“First off, it’s Tim,” Tim snaps. “Not Timothy unless you’re my mother or one of the few coworkers I work with that doesn’t look at me like I’m broken. Secondly, yes. As crystal, now tell me what the fuck you want with me so we can move this along.”

Boyd has seen better days, to say the least of it. His hair is calmer than Tim remembers, still the same shade of borderline jet black with a bit of gray finally starting to poke through at the sides of his head. His skin is weathered not by the sun but by age, and the way that he smiles is far, far more wicked than Tim can remember it last being.

The prison system has clearly changed him, and not for the better.

“Tell me about your heart attack.”

“This ain’t a therapy session,” Tim rebuts. “No. Anything you want info on, I’ll give it to you, but not that.”

“Why?” Boyd asks. “Is it because you were weak, Tim? Havin’ a heart attack make you weaker than you were beforehand?”

Not because he was weak, but because he was stupid. Being stupid like that--drinking to fall asleep and then making the decision to keep going til he could despite knowing he had a stakeout with Rachel the following morning was a level of stupidity that Tim could ill afford. It would've costed him his job had Rachel been anyone else and realistically, he knows that it should've.

For some reason, though, it didn't, and Tim has the mind to be grateful for that even if he doesn't have the mind to be grateful for much else.

“That is absolutely none of your goddamn concern,” Tim grits his teeth. “Ask me anything else. Anything at all, and I’ll be as truthful as I can get, but just—not this. Stop asking me questions about this in particular.”

“Why do I get the sneaking suspicion you didn’t call Raylan the second you woke up? And why do I more so get the feelin’ that you wanted to?”

Tim swallows thickly, and Boyds smile widens.

“Ah,” Boyd sucks a breath in through his teeth. “I’ve been told I’m still good at that, y’know--touchin’ nerves nobody wants anybody else near. You didn’t call him. Why not?”

“He wouldn’t’ve come,” Tim shrugs. “That simple. I didn’t want to waste my breath or ask Rachel to waste hers. Are you done yet?”

“Once Raylan comes’a runnin’, I’ll let you to your own devices, Timothy, I promise,” Boyd says. Tim presses his back against the radiator, wills a fuse to blow that somehow sets his back on fire and kills him before help can come around. “Until then, though, for a minimum of twelve hours outta the day, you and I are gonna get real close, and you’re goin’ to get real familiar with the feelin' of a gun against your forehead."

Tim swallows thickly, tugs at the para cord binding him to the radiator once again in another stupid, feeble little effort at some small little piece of freedom.

“Untie me,” Tim says.

“Once you learn how to behave, I’ll let you free,” Boyd says, his tone so final that it almost makes Tim shiver. The tone he uses feels a little too reminiscent of the ways in which his father used to talk, and that makes the resentment he’s got towards Boyd bubble up until it almost can’t be shoved down anymore. “I don’t want promises, Timothy. I want actionable evidence that you ain’t gonna try to run away. Loyal as a damn german shepherd you might be, but you’re goin’ to have to learn by whom your loyalty is most valued, me or your friends with the marshals service.”

The abduction is already grounds for the Marshals service to go nuclear, and Tim knows Rachel and Raylan are likely already well past that point. A marshals death, though? If Boyd gets Tim killed, he’s liable to be either put to death by a judge or by a gunshot to the head from a marshal who has been appointed judge, jury, and executioner.

“You’re not gonna be gettin’ outta this alive, you realize?” Tim smiles gently, at first, but when Boyds wicked grin grows more wicked still, he lets his smile turn into a snarl. “This is just about the stupidest damn thing you could’ve done. I just hope for your own sake it ain’t Raylan Rachel sends down here. You know he’d chase you mile after mile just to be the one to put a bullet in your head regardless of the circumstance, but if you kill me, he’s liable to make it slow.”

“What makes you think as much?”

“I might be loyal as a dog,” Tim shrugs. “I’ve always been loyal to a fault, but I’m loyal to the right people. Raylan Givens is among those people, and despite the fact that I didn’t waste my breath in calling him when he was in motherfuckin’ Miami and I was in Kentucky recoverin’ from a heart attack, does not mean he wouldn’t go to bat for me in half a damn second.”

He almost doesn’t like the way the words taste in his mouth, but if there is to be only one thing in his life about which he was ever confident, it has to be his and Raylans weird but timeless and unfaltering loyalty to each other. It comes from six years of working together on a pretty consistent basis, going out to grab a drink on days where they were swamped with enough paperwork to make even the most efficent person in their office want to shoot themself in the foot, and it’s a sense of camaraderie that Tim hasn’t had since his military days but cherishes for that exact reason, romance aspect of his and Raylans relationship completely aside.

Boyd doesn’t do or say anything for a long while. He just sits and stares at Tim, his grin eventually dropping to a mournful kind of expression, and after a while, he gets himself back to standing.

“It’s a damn shame. I really thought I’d grow to like you,” Boyd says. He turns off the light, once again plunging Tim into an infuriating kind of darkness. “Goodnight, Timothy.”

Tim doesn’t say anything—he doesn’t have anything to say. He only listens to Boyds steps between him and the door, counts twenty-eight in total.

The next morning, Tim wakes up as his body clock wills—6:30, just like he has for more than two decades. He feels for the knots in between his wrists, tries to tug them apart but only tugs them in tighter. He hates it for himself, and trying to use his feet to push against the radiator does nothing but dent it just slightly.

An hour of nothingness passes, and Tim has a moment where he thinks thats Boyds method—leave Tim to rot away in his head for an hour or two every morning til he finally breaks and will do anything for some kind of stimulation.

At eight thirty, Boyd walks in. Twenty-eight steps between the entrance and Tims body, and the light is turned on. A digital clock is balanced, rather precariously, on a shelf just about two feet above Tims eyeline and he has to angle his head to look at it, but it’s there and it’s a way to keep him from going insane, so for all of two seconds he cherishes it.

“Figured I’d do somethin’ nice,” Boyd says. “You wanna hear about your momma? You ain’t been around to visit her in a few years even though she gave you the damn house. Maybe you wanna hear about your sister instead, Lisa. Or your brother—Keith, is it?”

Tim runs his tongue over his lips, straightens his shoulders as he watches Boyd pull a revolver out from behind his back in true hillbilly style.

“You touch them, and I don’t give a damn who gave the order,” Tim says. “Or who it was given to. I will hunt you down my-fuckin'-self, and I will kill you with my bare hands.”

“You’d be better at it with a gun,” Boyd says. Tim knows that all of this is payback for the fact that he’d touched a nerve the night before by bringing up Raylan and the loyalty and all of that shit, but Tim doesn’t care. He wants to hurt Boyd just as much as Boyd wants to hurt him and he doesn’t give a shit if that’s what Boyd wants outta their exchanges.

“Marshals are out lookin’ for you,” Boyd says, his voice chipper. “Quicker than I thought they’d be, honestly. Which person in the office are you sleepin’ with? I know it ain’t Raylan because there’s no way you’d do that again.”

“What makes you think I did that at all?”

“I have sources,” Boyd says. Tim groans. That means that the marshals have a mole, be it on purpose or accidental. “You did it twice. Ain’t no way you’d do it a third time, even though I can bet you wanna. I don’t blame you for that, neither—Raylans a looker even in his old age.”

“You’re a year older than he is,” Tim responds. “If that, and—he’s not exactly in his prime anymore but you were gone from yours even back when you ran around Harlan County like you owned the joint.”

It’s a middle-grade level insult, but Tim doesn’t care because it bruises Boyds ego and anything that’ll do that is good enough for him.

He watches Boyd fuck around with the revolver for a minute, putting a singular bullet into the chamber before he slams the chamber back into the gun. He realizes what the game is right away and doesn’t even so much as flinch.

“How long did you serve?” Tim asks. “Raylan told me once that you were in the military for a bit but he didn’t specify.”

“I did two years, one tour,” Boyd says. “Why’re you askin’?”

“I was in the shit for a fuckin’ decade. Russian Roulette don’t scare me for shit 'n neither do you.”

“This ain’t Russian roulette, son,” Boyd says. “This is Harlan roulette, and we’re goin’ to play til either I get bored or you lose.”

He cocks the gun, points it directly at Tim. Tim, for a long few seconds, does nothing. He waits for something to rise within him—some primal sense of fear or anxiety or whatever feelings are meant to come up from seeing ones life flash before their eyes, but nothing rises to meet that expectation.

Instead of staying like that—completely still and motionless and waiting, Tim locks his eyes with Boyds and presses his forehead against the gun, completely unafraid of whatever comes next.

“You did one tour,” Tim says. “I did three with infantry, twelve with the rangers prior to joinin’ the snipers and then three more after the fact, and I’ve spent the last seventeen years since I came home workin’ for law enforcement and chasin’ assholes just like you, Boyd. I’ve seen worse than death. Roulette, Russian, Harlan, or otherwise, don’t scare me for shit.”

Boyd smirks. He pulls the trigger and Tim doesn’t flinch as the sound of a blank going off hits his ears.

“Why’d you take me?” Tim asks. “Of all people—why me, really?”

“You’re the one tie I’ve got to Raylan,” Boyd responds.

“That is bullshit,” Tim says. “I know you’re privy to the existence of Raylans ex and child, both of whom he'd do anything for in a heartbeat."

“You’re the only tie that matters,” Boyd says. “Because his family is as they are, but you, Tim, are the one weakness he has that nobody else knows about. His ex and his child might be his Achilles heel, but the ex I’m referencin’ ain’t Winona. You, Timothy Gutterson, are one of Raylan Givens’ two weaknesses and as willin’ as I may find myself to threaten your elderly mother, I am not so cruel as to threaten a child.”

“Didn’t know serial killers such as yourself could have morals.” He ignores Boyds statements otherwise—he is not Raylan Givens’ Achilles heel. There is no fucking way that such is the case eleven years gone from when they last saw or spoke to each other.

“I ain’t a serial killer.”

“You’ve killed at least three people,” Tim says. “You’re a serial killer.”

Boyd laughs, pulls the trigger once, twice, three times.

“Next ones the bullet,” Boyd says. “Pissin’ me off ain’t your best idea right now, Tim, so if I were you, I’d take the time to think and then quit while I was ahead.”

“You’re not going to kill me.”

“What makes you say that?”

“Because the minute you kill me you lose any amount of leverage you’ve got,” Tim says. “It’d be different if you’d taken me and Winona, or maybe even me and Rachel, but—you didn't, and that's your mistake. You can torture me as much as you want. You can leave me severely hurt or even halfway into my own goddamned grave, but if you kill me you lose the only leverage that makes you worth even a damn second of Raylans time. I know you’re still smart, at least, and I know that you know killin’ me is your golden ticket to Raylan Givens not givin’ a damn, no matter how much you like pretendin’ otherwise.”

“Say I did kill you,” Boyd says, lowering the gun. “You don’t think he’d avenge you?”

"Nope. I think Rachel would let him go as far as the law would allow but I doubt the law would allow him to go as far as he’d wanna,” Tim says. “And--he’s got a bit less than a year to his retirement, but Raylans smart. Torturin’ you would eventually mean he had to be arrested and he’s not gonna do anythin’ that’d land himself in a prison cell, no matter how much you tortured me before you shot me in the head or did me in some other way.”

Boyd grins. “I’m gonna have a lot of fun with you,” he says. “Yeah. A lot.”

“What makes you say that?”

“You’ve got quite a mouth on you, Timothy,” Boyd rebuts. “Fixin’ that will be my pleasure, I think.”

There’s a few minutes of silence. Tim stares at the ground in front of him and refuses to let his eyes flicker to the clock. For a second he wonders how close the Marshals are to finding him before he squashes that thought and refuses to dwell on it.

He doesn’t flinch when he feels Boyds fingers on the underside of his chin, doesn’t react when Boyd forces his head up and his eyes naturally follow. He doesn’t flinch when his gaze meets Boyds and doesn’t even let his lips twitch when Boyds mouth pulls back into a smirk.

“You, Tim Gutterson, are at my whim and will,” Boyd says. “Know your damn place.”

His thumb brushes against Tims chin, closer to his lips than not. Tim thinks, for a minute, to open his mouth and bite down on Boyds thumb as hard as he can, but the logical part of his brain knows that'll make Boyd harder to deal with in the long run so he abstains.

“Do your worst,” Tim snarls instead.

One week whizzes past, then two. As the days crawl on, the torture escalates into something awful, something designed by Boyd to hurt Tim in a way that’s supposed to work in a slow, methodical fashion. Every time he thinks about it, he feels mildly surprised that an escaped convict has the patience for methodical at all, even if said escaped convict is Boyd fuckin’ Crowder.

“What’s the date?” He asks Boyd when he waltzes in at half past nine. Boyd is dressed, per usual, to some rendition of the nines—he wears a white button down, a black vest, black jeans and a black blazer. His hair is back to the spiky mess that it once was and he looks so blatantly like himself that it almost kind of stings. Tim hasn’t felt like himself in ages, and that stings worse even still.

“November 1st,” says Boyd, coming into the barn and sitting across from him. It becomes clear to Tim that he intends to converse instead of torture on this day, and for that, Tim feels an odd kind of grateful that can only really be felt after two weeks spent in captivity with Boyd as his only company as well as the man behind his abduction and torture. “Why’d you ask?”

Tim shrugs, says nothing. He doesn’t tell Boyd that the days are blending together or that he’s lost hope entire for his rescue because those are things that Boyd wants to hear and Tim, as broken as he’s close to being, is not so broken as to be completely incapable of resistance. He’s not as capable as he used to be but he’s capable still, and he holds onto that crumb like he’ll die if he lets it go because he knows that death for him is Boyds eventual endgame anyway, and Tim is not going to go down without a fight.

“You know, your marshal friends are way closer to us than I ever thought they’d get,” Boyd says. “I saw Raylan down in these woods just last night, almost killed him on the spot because I thought he’d seen me. Had he, I don’t really think I’d’ve killed him, in retrospect. I think I’d have more fun bringin’ him down here to force him to watch you die instead, then I’d release him back to his marshal friends up in Lexington so that he could tell them about their fallen comrade and by the time they came down here, I’d be gone and the only thing left here would be your corpse.”

Tim heaves in a sigh, fails to fight off the flicker of hope that settles in his chest as the mention of Raylans name. Boyd has, at least, loosened the restraints enough to let Tim move when his muscles cramp, but Tim refuses to do even that, another feeble little effort at resistance that he cherishes where he can afford to practice it.

“Yeah? Why not just get it over with now?” Tim asks, pressing his back against the radiator to which he has been bound for two fuckin’ weeks too long. “I know you wanna. You’ve spent the last two weeks fightin’ the urge to kill me, Boyd. Just give in.”

“My buddy, Hunter, looked into the cause behind your heart attack recently,” Boyd says. “You had a heart attack—and a seizure, mind you—because you had a bit too much booze. Hospital reports say you specified the exact amount, actually. Three bottles of bourbon, a six pack of beer and an entire bottle of peach wine. He also said your blood alcohol was .38.”

Tim swallows thickly. The heart attack is Boyds nerve of choice, and he’s spent the last two weeks exploiting it to get Tim riled up enough to justify holding him in the tightest binds he could get away with before deciding to let them be loose when Tims muscles cramped up. Tim has, in turn, spent the last two weeks refusing to let that part of his history be exploited.

“What are you sayin’?”

“Well, Timothy,” Boyd says. “What I’m sayin’ is that you’re not goin’ to live past today if I have my way with things. I am not so cruel a man as to hold you at gunpoint and force you to drink, but I will do whatever it takes to ensure you don't make it out alive today, even if it means Raylan hunts me to the ends of the goddamned earth. My first line of thought with that was to find and exploit a way to trigger a heart attack."

Tim, for the first time since Boyd took him hostage, feels well and true white hot fear surge through him. It starts in his stomach, builds from there and goes right to his chest.

“No,” he says, his tone a little urgent. “I’ve been compliant, if a little mouthy these past two weeks, Boyd. Raylan and the others haven’t found us yet, and you know good and well that I am the only bargaining chip you’ve got. You kill me you guarantee your own death, be it by Raylans hand or Rachels, but there is no goddamned way they let you live long enough to see trial.”

“I don’t give a damn about any of this anymore, Timothy,” Boyd says. “They’ll find you here in a week or two, tops. Your corpse will be rotting away and the stench will probably be waftin’ down the river, and I’ll be in the wind again. I’m smart enough as to get away with it, and I know Raylans gonna say he'll chase me as far as we both think, but there ain't no way he's actually gonna.”

“You kill me and he will,” Tim says. “If not him, Rachel.”

“You might be right,” Boyd shrugs. “I don’t care about that—no matter how much they seek, they shall never find, and officially speakin' your COD will be a heart attack. That's the goal--to trigger a second one that you can't make it out of. I were you, I'd be grateful I made it out of the first one with a workin' heart, if a damaged one, and still with my damn job, considerin' it was your boss who found you."

Tim shudders a breath in, tries to fight his anxiety.

"I've done--I've done everything right," apart, of course, from the cigarettes, but who gives a damn about those in the long run anyway? "Please, Boyd. Don't fuck this up. Don't make Rachel mourn me because I died of a damn heart attack after she managed to save me from the first. She'll carry that guilt with her for ages and I can barely stand the thought of that."

"Try and get some rest," Boyd says calmly. "I promise, I'll do the nice thing and try to make it quick."

Tim swallows thickly, breathes out and tries to fight the shakes as they rear up in his shoulders.

All he has left to do is wait.

It kills him long, long before his half-faulty heart ever gets the chance.

That night, Tim does manage to get a bit of rest, surprisingly, but he's woken up when he feels a defibrillator against his chest. He blanks through the rest of it, goes to a happy memory from when he was a kid as the defibrillator gets going.

When he hears the sirens, the first emotion he registers on his roster is relief. The second is mild anxiety as chest pain rears up and Boyd, in a precise but still scattered sort of panic, drops the defibrillator and stares, wide eyed, at the door.

“Boyd fuckin’ Crowder, you have three goddamned seconds to get your ass out here before I force my way in!” Rachels voice is booming, her anger evident in just her tone, and it’s enough to make Boyd cower slightly.

Tim grins a little despite himself.

"I told you so," he says, his tone emanating a sort of cockiness that he's surprised he's able to muster.

“Boyd!” Rachel screams. “Get your ass out here!”

Tim feels hope flicker in his chest as he suddenly grows cold, and he watches Boyd exit through the back door to his left. He checks the time—5:30 AM. November 2nd.

Rachel rushes in and when she sees Tim, she falters. “Damn it,” she curses under her breath as she kneels to get to his level, body still tucked against the radiator. “Damn it, Tim!”

“Boyd Crowder is still a fuckin' asshole after ten years in lock up,” Tim warbles. “Have you called a medic?”

“No,” Rachel says. “Bet I need to though, don’t I?”

“My chest is real tight, I’m exhausted and nauseous and I bet money I’m gonna be breakin’ into a cold sweat any second now, so yeah,” Tim nods. “Medic would be wise. Wheres Raylan?”

“Went around the back with Stevens so that they could chase Boyd on foot if he went out a back door, which the open door to your left indicates he did,” Rachel gets Tim out of his restraints. “You--you—shit, Tim. Not again.”

“Least I’m fuckin’ awake this time, and not seizing,” Tim laughs a little.

“Dunlop, get the medics down here right fuckin’ now or I will shoot you on fuckin’ site!” Rachel shouts. She gets Tim to lie down on the floor and Tim sighs.

“I’m gonna die, aren’t I?”

“It’s lookin’ more likely than not,” Rachel says, ever one to be honest. Tim didn't like that much at first but in the sixteen years since he joined the Marshals, it's gradually become one of his favourite things about her. “But I ain't losin' you again, Tim. I’ll carry you to that damn ambulance if I need to—Nelson! Medic! Now!”

The pain radiates down his arms and up through his neck, and Tim laughs. “Thank you for keepin’ it straight,” he says. “Boyd--Boyd said I was—ugh—Raylans Achilles heel. I really don’t want him to be right about that. If he grieves me too long, promise you’ll fly out to Miami to punch him in square in his stupid handsome face?”

“Yeah,” Rachel nods. “Not before I kill Nelson, though.”

Tim laughs again. “Yeah,” he says. “Surprised he’s lasted this long in the service—he seems the mall cop type, I think. Nothin’ near actual law enforcement.”

“My jaw hurts,” Tim add as the pain radiates through it. “This is gonna kill me, Rachel. It’s gonna kill me.”

“No,” Rachel says. “It’s not. It’s--it’s--no. Not on my fucking watch. You die on me, Timothy, and I’ll bring you back from the dead just to kill you myself.”

“First you said it was lookin’ like I was gonna die and now you’re tellin’ me I’m not allowed?” Tim asks, laughing through the words. “Pick a side, please. I survived one heart attack, the other ones gotta be the one to do me in.”

“Marino!” Rachel shouts.

It’s the last thing Tim hears before he passes out, and the last thing he sees is the panicked look on Rachels face as the world goes dark.

#justified #tim gutterson #raylan givens #rachel brooks #boyd crowder #tim gutterson x raylan givens #raylan givens x tim gutterson #givenson

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