#theres like 2 other edits im proud of and thats it

[im-sorry-what-ii]

undefined

been learning how to edit and idk, i don't think it's too bad

@blazingstar29 thanks for the (indirect) inspiration <3

[oc-cinematic-universe]

It's been quite a while since I read the deathspeaker, mainly 'cause of work. Would you like to give a summary of it?

ho boy. ok so 1) these summaries are not a good replacement for reading the comic. do you know how fucking many small details i put in the comic? every time i send a page to randy to have them proofread before i post it, i point out like 5 different tiny intentional details that are so important for the vibes. a summary does not give you the tiny shifts in characters dialogue and mannerisms, the intentional framing of each panel, the vitally important art style choices. please read my comic im so proud of it 2) this is long im sorry i tried not to ramble but holy shit i love this story. chapter 6 got fucking long in particular but you NEED the little details to understand that one ok just trust me please im sorry 3) this is a summary of every chapter that has posted so far cause idk how far back you stopped reading so congrats youre getting my last 5 years of work in one convenient post 4) this took me hours to write im not editing it if theres spelling and grammar mistakes no there isnt

prologue:

dara, headmistress of the school, explains her recent prophetic dreams to joe, her boyfriend and a fellow teacher at the school. a demon will be coming, one whos been here before and caused destruction. a team of 8 will be able to stop it. thats all they know.

chapter 1:

an introduction to the school and characters. introduces abby, lindsey, cody, and shannon as older students, and liam, victor, and valerie as first years. victor and valerie are twins, victor's super excited to be here and i love that for him <3 joe takes the kids on a tour explaining stuff about the school, most importantly being not to enter the forest without express permission. just like in the rest of the world, there are monsters and you should be careful.

joe then starts their first lesson of the year with magic101 and explains the story of how the world got magic. the 8 magic types were a gift from the 8 corresponding gods, who then left all the new wizards and have not been heard from much since.

after class, joe, dara, april, and lily (two other teachers and joe and daras close friends) discuss the prophecy. dara confirms the 8 who will be stopping the demon will be children, likely students of the school, so they need to keep an eye out.

chapter 2:

its the night before the new students will receive their wands and learn their magic type and valerie is nervous. she doesnt WANT half the magic types theyre SCARY, but victor is so pumped and ready for whatever. they go to sleep resolving 0 of those feelings

joe's in charge of a lot of the proceedings and he's losing his mind just a little bit this man doesn't sleep ever. as he's scrambling through last minute prep, some of the other teachers are introduced. the most important are rowena, the emotion magic teacher who shows up late and waves her hand and suddenly joe has no problem with her bad excuse, and death, who is the literal god of death. he's just chilling.

the kids receive their wands, liam gets fire magic and victor gets space, and valerie causes a bit of a stir when hers is revealed to be light. light wizards aren't the most common and the school hasnt had a new light student in a couple years. which means...

joe finds dara later riffling through books in a bit of a craze, and she explains she thinks valerie must be one of the kids of the prophecy. why else would a light student show up NOW? in fact, dara has a theory that the gods may be involved through the gems of the gods, which are granted to 8 individuals with different magics to increase their power when the world needs help.

joe asks if they should tell valerie. dara says no.

moments after saying she was SURE this had to be it... she says they can't tell valerie, they haven't confirmed anything. they can't be sure.

joe says he trusts her choice. joe lies.

chapter 3:

fuck the first section of this chapter who cares, basically abby and shannon explain yes the god of death (death is not one of the 8 magic types btw) is just here its not a big deal he teaches the dark magic class and he's chill whatever. valerie and harley, the light magic teacher, have discussions on the pressure put on light wizards to be perfect and harley gets goofy with it to let valerie know its ok they won't pressure her to be perfect at all, magic is fun

joe teaches the weapons training class and runs the kids through some basic defense with abby, who volunteered to help demonstrate. because it meant she didn't have to go to her normal class for this period. when she fucks up one of the demonstrations and hurts joe, she takes an embarrassed water break. and notices something watching her. a shadowy being who smiles at her from across the arena. who vanishes when joe comes back to ask how she's doing. abby doesn't feel well, and leaves.

meanwhile in dara's office, rowena comes by asking about some lesson content she wants to use but needs dara to confirm is ok. rowena tries to wave her hand and make it all so easy again. dara does not care and barely notices as she counteracts the spell. dara agrees to hear her out, and she begins telling the story. one about a queen and a peasant boy

the queen had taken the boy in and he worked so hard to make her happy. he admired her and felt close to her. she did not feel the same. an advisor warned her, the boy would cause problems. the boy needed to be dealt with before it was too late. nevermind that he hadnt done anything wrong, he was going to kill them all

so she ordered to have him executed. and as he cried in his cell awaiting his death, something came to help. it offered him freedom. hope.

vengence.

dara interrupts by saying its a bit morbid for this kids huh. startled, rowena can't get a very good reasoning out, and dara denies her request and asks her to leave. but... dara cant help but feel like... somethings wrong. so she adds,

"don't ask questions you dont want answers to"

rowena leaves happily. she got what she wanted

chapter 4:

abby is called on a quest (a normal school occurance stop calling this a weird thing it's just the culture of this world I'll KILL you) and dara won't ler her take shannon, her beloved girlfriend, with her because every single time abby went on a quest last year she took shannon. dara asks her to take a first year instead.

abby and liam leave on their quest to take care of a small gang of goblins. a simple enough quest for a first and second year to handle on their own. liams VERY nervous about heights and has never really ridden on a broom before, so he asks abby random questions to distract himself. he asks about the students he saw already at the school when the buses dropped him off there. abby gets quiet. she explains some students live at the school. "some of us dont have anywhere else to go" "...us?" abby doesnt answer, caught up in memories from only months ago. thankfully, she doesn't have to answer, theyve reached their destination! and...

there's screaming ringing out from everywhere. the goblins, somethings wrong. they're 9 feet taller than they're supposed to be, limbs too long for their body, faces half made up of hanging mouths filled with sharp teeth. they look ghostly, like shadows. liam fire blasts one and it does nothing. frantically, abby tells him to go back and get help, she'll do what she can to stop them.

dara, another teacher, and liam come back as soon as they can, just in time as abby's energy runs out. dara tells the kids to stay put behind a force field she puts up, but not long after leaving them she feels her connection with it break and comes rushing back to find them gone. nearby, theyre sitting with death. death casually tells dara not to worry, his reapers are handling the goblins. everyone can relax now. the other teacher takes the kids back to the school, leaving dara and death alone.

he confirms 6 deaths. but thats not the worst part! the worst is that he and his reapers could only find 1 of their souls. the other 5 have gone missing. he doesnt understand how this couldve happened... but dara does. there's one thing she can think of that could do this.

death is horrified. she promised him she had gotten rid of the demon the first time. she PROMISED. and now she's implying she lied? and has been lying for 70 YEARS?? how could she? unless... it was something to do with-

she tells him to stop. he realizes he is the only one who knows. he realizes she hasnt told anyone in decades. he realizes her refusal to acknowledge it is going to kill them all.

chapter 5:

this one is not getting several paragraphs it is so simple, jules is an elf prince who passed out near the school and was found by harley and valerie. after questioning them on why the hell they are here and they explain they ran away to get away from their family, she invites them to stay as a student. they agree! joe gives them a tour he's the tour guy and he is so excited to have a new student here <3 during the tour they end up talking about joe's hair, which he magically dyed to be pink with a spell he made himself, which leads to mentioning the gods never gave him a magic type so he has to make do with the little magic that works outside of magic types. later that night jules struggles to sleep and wanders the school, stumbling on rowenas classroom, where her voice drifts through the open door. jules takes a peek.

she's talking to the demon. she notices jules and quickly makes sure they won't think anything of what they saw (erasing memories is tricky. but making it harder to focus on.... thats easy). they go back to bed content. the demons excited. that was the last of the 8! so finally, finally, they can begin putting things into motion.

chapter 6:

in order to make up for a failed assignment, shannons teacher gives her a ridiculous homework sheet she'll have to go into the woods for. she tries to argue, but rowena enters the room. whats the problem shannon? youre a smart girl, after all. it's no problem for you. so shannon, grumbling, agrees.

victor overhears some students outside his class talking about the rumors that the school is in danger. always a fan of properly fact checking, victor decides to take this to dara and ask for an explanation. shes says the rumors are true, but its nothing to worry about. everything is under control. victor doesnt buy this for a second. he does what every good scientist should do and goes to research

shannon and abby walk at the edge of the forest, complaining about how unfair the assignment is. abby offers to come with shannon, its dangerous after all. she declines. she's a smart girl, after all. she can handle herself. it breaks abbys heart. shannon would never notice that. she's a smart girl, after all. after shannon leaves, abby is all alone. but she knows she's not, as the shadowy being once again stares at her. so close it could touch her. she knows it cant be real, its always gone when she goes to double check. so she turns around. theres no one there. abby is alone.

victor realizes too late into his plan that he doesnt know how the fuck research is supposed to help him here. but its alright. a wad of paper hits him from an unknown source, pointing him the direction of... an unlabeled book. it has a note stuck to the front: "do you want the truth? ps dont let dara see" nervously, he takes it somewhere private, and begins to read.

its a journal of a 10 year old boy during 1950. he's been taken in by miss dara and mister beckett after his mom left him at the school, promising to come back for him. 4 years later, she never came. he laments about school life as the only 10 year old living at this high school, and about miss dara being so mean and mister beckett being so nice. he writes about a cat he found in the woods, where he knew he wasnt supposed to go. he writes about the cat that follows him home. the cat that won't step into the light. the cat thats offering him a deal

shannon, in her quest to document magical animals in the woods, enters a small cave opening, calling out to any creatures that may reside. she does not want to be here and it shows. but here she will stay as the cave entrance crumbles behind her, and a doubled voice next to her ear taunts her. she spins around, wand brandished, and the demon floats smugly, unconcerned. she threatens and screams at them to tell her who they are. dramatically, they almost laughingly call themself "The Deathspeaker" flourishing their cape. ...shannon realizes she has run into a theater kid and no longer feels concerned. she could probably bully them no problem.

the boy from the journal is scared. The cat has told him it's a demon and it wants to make a deal. he knows better, and refuses over and over until it leaves. hopefully it won't come back. Life is hard enough as it is.

incredibly annoyed that shannon won't take their drama seriously, the demon says she can call them Theron instead. Trying to get back into the moment, they ask, voice echoing, how on EARTH she managed to find them. she says homework. for a moment their voice splits. "what???" "homework?" she doesn't notice. ... But hey a demon is a magical animal right, maybe she can fill her homework out

the boy tries to move on. the demon won't come back, it hasn't in a while. he describes his day, but the page is ripped near the end, cutting off the dark inky reply that he surely did not write himself. it wants a deal.

they want a deal. they'll do Shannon's homework if she retrieves a dragon for them. they lost it, and they can't leave to chase it, they've got this dreadful chain on their leg. shannon agrees. she's a smart girl, after all. this won't be a problem. so they remove the rocks from the cave entrance and send her on her way

the boy never budges. the cat tries and tries but he won't make a deal. so again, it leaves. days later, mister beckett does something strange. he and miss dara have a screaming match, and afterwards he tells the boy not to trust her. he's going to find a way to get the boy out of here. the boy doesnt understand. he thought dara loved them both, why would they need to leave? the next day, the boy write at midnight. miss dara woke him up and told him to follow her. he trusts her. how can he not.

the rest of the journal is blank.

victor refuses to believe that was it. what did any of that mean? how does this help? the door creaks behind him. dara enters the room, not noticing him at first. she smiles and greets him, and he panics and runs. ...odd. he left a book there. dara picks it up and opens it. moments later its nothing but ash. he knows. he knows, and she cant... breathe. he knows. he knows.

the 2 voices of the demon argue in their cave. he asks why they can't just tell shannon, rowena listened why wouldnt she? it snaps and yells at him, this isnt how it works!! this isnt what they discussed! shannons voice calls from the cave entrance. it tells him to be quiet and let it handle it.

she found the dragon but because it was A Ghost, she wasn't exactly able to get it back. she did her best! but its not enough. they count this as a broken deal, and refuse to hand her homework until she promises one more tiny thing. one more deal. they want her help talking to abby. ...she says no, of course not, thats stupid she doesnt trust this!! they move faster than she can react, pinning her up to the wall. she doesnt have a choice. she does this for them or she dies. she nods, and they let her go, with instructions written down to give to abby.

"you weren't supposed to do that" he says. "shut up" it snaps back.

victor got enough information from the journal to try research attempt number 2. with the help of lindsey (who caught him very obviously talking about stealing a laptop from the school computer room, and chose to help him out of pity), he discovers an article from 1950 about a fire at the school. headmistress dara refused to answer many questions from the police and journalists, especially about the 10 year old boy who had gone missing under her care. he was the only one they couldn't find any trace of in the aftermath. victor, horrified, confirms thats him. thats the boy from the journal. the one this all seems to be about.

theron deathspeaker.

[inzombniia]

tw // emetophobia(?)

vent post lol

i was going to post this last night but i got um. sidetracked. (ó﹏ò｡) by some rlly funny shit like istg it almost cured my summertime sadness i even cleaned my depression room 2day hhaha, last night i just made it my pfp and threw this into the drafts

im bouta go on a small rant so ill just tuck it away here ↓

i literally hate summer, im sorry i just cannot. maybe its the fact that i have no job and no car so i cant go anywhere. other than begging someone to take me shopping, im stuck. just me and the internet lolz and occasionally my friends but i havent responded to most of them which is kinda my fault (ꀬ⏖ꀬ∴) i shld probably do that...

im so much happier and mentally stable in sweater weather... maybe cus im a december baby LMAO

i think the amount of time i spend on my phone and computer are starting to catch up with me, apparently theres a thing called "cybersickness" and dude the name alone sounds cool asf ‼️ but yeah i also have vertigo and a lil sleep deprivation on top of that so. i just constantly have the urge to vomit but physically cant no matter how hard i try so i just drew myself doing the things i cant do <//3 and yes thats me lolz

however !!! i think i might actually start working at chuck e cheese... no one in my area says anything bad abt working there so i have high hopes that i could enjoy it, might have to visit it this weekend before i apply just to see if its any different from last year when i went

૮꒰ྀི˶˃̵ ^ ˂̵˵꒱ྀིა

tw // sh implied i guess

edit never fucking mind its not okay nothing is okay i wanna rip my guts out why me why what do i even do anymore it doesnt make any sense why do you have to make everything so hard for me.

"oh i feel so alone" good. i hope it stays that way u selfish prick

how does it feel to rip away my goals. i had this all planned out and its perfect for what i plan to do in life

its like you do this on purpose. you want 2 see me suffer. u want 2 see me fail. over and over and over. is this fun for you?

i relapsed because of you. i hope ur fucking proud of me

[callemreine]

Ok here goes nothing

Guilty Tears 5 wtf

@not-exactly-laborious

!! This is mostly just pointing out details in the background that are too far into the shadows to be seen clearly !!

CW // basically just a narration of the video / biblical references / blood / swearing

The video starts with Thomas on the staircase showing the mess similar to the ones in WTIT. When he goes down the staircase, we clearly see the storybook from Roman's video. So its either Remus is causing this string of nightmares where the episodes of Guilty tears take place or Remus just keeps the book around to remind Thomas about how Roman's story goes to prevent him from believing any "deceptions Roman puts up or displays him"

"But I am afraid that just as Eve was deceived by the serpent's cunning, your minds may somehow be led astray from your sincere and pure devotion to Christ."(2 Corinthians 11:3) Im not that religious but I tried my best to find the meaning of this verse. Basically the "I" is Paul who was afraid that the false apostles were just as deceitful as the snake that tempted Eve and that they disguise theselves as servants of righteousness like how Satan disguises himself as an angel of light.

I dont know who the "I" could be from the sides. But I do think that its either one of the dark sides, including Virgil, or Thomas. And the "false apostles" are the light sides because they act as if they are important and always helps Thomas in a good way, but in reality, they're just as worse as the dark sides and puts Thomas down the same way as the others do(?)

I edited it to look more brighter and also to see the word the blood forms on the blinds. It clearly says "UNHELPFUL" Also for a moment, I kinda see Janus as the shadow cuz theres a little bump on the side of the head which might resemble as his hat. Or maybe not and its just probably just some random person XD

Im also kinda confused on why Thomas didnt go up to see who it was cuz thats kinda what he did in WTIT in the closet scene

Theres the "BE GOOD" that I couldnt really say much about... Who wrote it? Could be Remus. Could be someone else seeing that Remus might have not done anything yet based on what he says at the end of the video

Ok now here is where things kinda gets more confusing. Theres Logan's monitor from the first episode and Patton's cutout from the third episode right behind the monitor. This reinforces the Remus creates the nightmares theory or the Remus keeps things as a reminder for Thomas(or for the sides) theory. Also the closet door is open with green light referencing WTIT once again. It kinda made me think that this is the mindpalace of the darksides for some reason.

The knocking continues but it switches from the window to the front door. Its very clear cuz I was wearing earphones and theres this thing where the audio moves around that makes it seem like its coming from a certain direction

Now I need to emphasize the difference between these two photos. The first one is when we first pan to the bookshelf. The second one is right after the glitch from the phone. Now I would like to direct your attention to the barely visible area on the right side of the two images. The wall went from wall color to red after the glitch. I zoomed in and there were some random scribbles that I probably stared at for far too long. The only thing I could make out was the word 'proud' and a very very vague 'I hope' just above it. I promise Im not crazy, its just far too late for me to be awake. But here I'll show you

Oh and theres Virgil and the oatmeal and Nico's number from WTIT or whatever /j

Theres not really much I could point out anymore that is significant from that point on other than how fucking creepy Remus was at the end. Though there is a part of me that believes that none of this(and the others' videos) was Remus' work and that he just materialized the other sides' fears but not actually making his own intrusive thoughts to scare Thomas with his own intention. Hence, his dialogue at the end

Also if the shadow isnt Janus, then Janus isnt anywhere to be found in this episode. And I dont really know what that implies. Gosh Im so excited for his turn

Me: *makes an analysis*

Also me: *hyperfocuses on a wall*

Its fucking 2 am

[yeoldontknow]

🖊writerly conversation tag

tagged by @j-pping to do this amazing interview/reflections tag. of course she put together one of the most amazing tags ever because she is brilliant. thank you for tagging me angel! 

questions below the cut!

2020

what was the most challenging part of writing this year?

gosh...i think for me the hardest bit was staying both motivated and inspired. a lot of my inspiration comes from being out in the world. im an introvert but i enjoy being out in the city around the noise and the people and the buildings on my own. the majority of my writing used to be done while riding the subway or on a weekend after id gone out somewhere. a lot of my fics are inspired by locations, and experiences within those locations. being inside for the majority of the year made it hard for me to remember how...people interact with or relate to the spaces around them. so i felt like a lot of the time staying inspired was coming from places within just me that felt inauthentic. i think my writing benefits from my ability to see multiple perspectives, so i felt like a lot of dialogue or writing itself was suffering just coming from me alone. it took a lot of work to ensure that it wasnt like that. 

and then, motivation was also so hard. the internet and the news and everything about america, the planet, the everything was unrelenting and draining. we as people were privy to so much trauma this year, to the collapse and fracture of communities, lives, governments. there were several weeks at the end of may and into june where i just...couldnt. i had no energy for anything. it happened again in november after the election and the windfall of it. energetic tensions were so high it just felt so hard to push out words when things were breaking everywhere. like there were more important things i needed to focus on, and healing was one of them.

what was the most enjoyable/rewarding part of writing this year?

i enjoyed the new community of writers/friends i found by writing for bts again. they challenged me and pushed me to better myself. @jamaisjoons is so inspirational in the way she generates community and encourages relationships between storytellers. doing the summer bucket list pushed me out of my hermit hole for camp nano, and i cranked out molotov cocktail and felt so proud of it. it mattered so much to me because it was the first long thing id written after a period of feeling deceased, and it was so enjoyable because there was a sense of community around it. its easy to forget how essential having a support system in your creative community is.

what piece has left the most impact on you and why?

probably ciperion. words cannot express how proud i am of that story and the direction its going in. i read it back sometimes and i realize that my writing was elevated because of that piece. tbh molotov was responsible for that lift, but ciperion was just a whole other tier. ive also never written anything like that story before and it felt so good exploring the themes of seafaring and pirates. 

what have you learned about yourself through the process of writing in the past year?

that i absolutely am someone who took for granted how inspiring the world is even if i see it as a stressor. but also that writing isnt necessarily about being inspired. its about pushing on when its hard. some of my best pieces came from that kind of push this year. 2020 felt like...a slog through most of it, but i kept pushing myself to write even when i was low and tired. i realized that some of my best writing comes from that push, when its not easy and when its difficult and i have to think harder. thats where i grow. 

how has your writing changed in the past year? how have you grown?

i think im more syntax and detailed focused than i used to be. lately ive been experimenting with making the act of reading feel like pleasure. my favourite books are the ones where i read a sentence, and im moved because it felt nice to read or it felt powerful. the sentence itself had power, not the image it was trying to convey. somehow separate, if that makes sense. theres a lot i need to learn before i could go off comfortably and try to write a book, and this is what ive been trying to master. my attention to detail has grown, and sometimes i think thats a detriment. i think sometimes im too detailed and i dont leave my reader enough power on their own. im still finding that balance, but i think im pleased right now with what im trying to push myself to master.

2021

ignoring your wips for a second, if you had all the time and energy in the world to write your magnum opus piece, what would it be about? why is that the dream story you’d write, all other things controlled for?

ive had two books in my mind forever. one was originally being written as a fanfic in a different fandom before i stopped and realized its too big and so much more important, and is worth being a book id like to write. if i wrote an opus like this it would actually be a book id submit to publishers but ~

- hundreds of years in the future, society has learned how to cure most diseases. for those we cannot, the sick person can be cryogenically frozen for a period of time until a cure is found. there is, however, a limit to the length of time they are frozen. no one has ever been frozen for over 100 years, and the main character is a scientist embarking on the experiment to do just that. it is, effectively, time travel. the main character is rash, selfish, sarcastic - not a very nice person; invested in their work and science and little else. they freeze themselves and wake up in the future. during their time in rehab they have to confront the horror theyve made of themselves, the horror people have made of the future, learn to be vulnerable. they end up falling in love with another scientist etc etc. theres so much more to this story and the world is enormous. one day ill revisit it

- a fictional play on orpheus in the underworld where a female main character’s brother was sold by their mother to the goddess of the underworld (helena instead of hades) for eternal youth. the gods all live in a hotel (the concept of this main thing is being used in elysian fields but its not remotely the same) after they were removed from the heavens. main character (ophelia) must gather several totems from the gods to prove her worth and survive her trip into the underworld to rescue him. id like to not focus on a woman finding romance, and instead a woman finding herself, her strength, her devotion to family, her power, and connecting with her history.

how do you want to grow in your writing this year?

this year id like to find balance, like i mentioned above, with my need for detail and my trust in my readers. the balance between detail and dialogue. i want to try to condense my writing again so not everything is a goddamn series. the ideas i have are huge and thats great but i need to remember how to parse things again, while still maintaining impact.

what’s one thing you’d wish to see in the fan-writing community this year?

i want more community, in general. as a multi fan, i see pockets in the kpop fandom where it exists and im well and truly aware that its recently become incredibly hard to foster on the exo side. ill just say that. maybe i dont witness it or its happening amongst blogs i havent found or have not found me. i want to see less dialogue about ‘popular blogs,’ whatever that means; less focus on notes; less worries about statistics. i want people to remember that fandom is not about numbers, and the moment you make it about that is the moment you stop having fun. i want less fear from writers regarding sharing work they read and liked, less shame around it. i want to see more vocal communication for the things people like and don’t like, more engagement and more interaction. the concept of popular blogs is so ridiculous to me, because no one has any control over the metrics. no one has control over who follows them or reads their work except the person doing the actual reading. i want people to realize they hold so much power - a person with 10k notes has as much power as a person with 2 notes because sharing is what fosters community. i want this fandom to remember to share again.

name one new thing you want to try doing in your writing this year.

gosh i really love postmodernism in writing. think like mark z danielewski, who plays with the shapes of words or the act of holding a book - the physicality of it. id like to maybe write a choose your own adventure, or do something that encompasses multiple platforms. or even, more importantly, finish as still as sound and time runner. those are more reasonable goals. time runner actually is done, i just need to stop pressuring myself about it and edit it to get it up. asas, too, is largely done i just need to get my ass together. i have so many other ideas no one has ever seen i need to finish what ive started. thats a real goal.

tagging: @yehet-me-up @jamaisjoons @kyungseokie @jenmyeons @luffles424 @yoonia @shadowsremedy @chillingkoo @onherwings @inkedtae @ninibears-erigom @imdifferentshadesofpurple @readyplayerhobi @ditzymax @sugaurora @snackhobi @yeojaa @sahmfanficbts @xjoonchildx @johobi and anyone else who wants to do this. as always please only do so if comfortable or you want to!

[drbriangay]

Hey, so a little bit ago someone asked me if i would do a tutorial type thing on how to achieve realistic drawings and although this would probably fair better as a video my voice is shit and i can make sure i get everything down if i type it out.

I think the best way to do this is take you through one of my drawings? My latest Brian drawing i saved a decent amount throughout it so i can kind of comment on each process of the drawing. For the this drawing i drew it on Photoshop CS5 which is important bc i do utilise a lot of the tools there so if you use smth different then im sorry but im sure there are alternatives! I’m going to talk you through this drawing:

Because i dont use natural skin colours in my drawings i start drawings in black and white because i find that easier to control the tones? and then i can colour the drawing afterwards in whatever colour and play about with it instead of sticking with a colour from the get go. 

I start with painting the entire background a light ish grey because 1) its nice to work highlights and shade into a mid tone and 2) having pure white as a background can be a bit uninspiring? even with my sketchbooks i always make backgrounds before i do anything on them.

I then take a large brush, i use a mid-dark toned grey for this, i don’t like going in super dark super fast, and kind of mark out where everything goes super loosely, precision and proportions really don’t matter at this point, it will probably look bad but that’s fine! you’ll refine it as you go on!  the brush i use for this stage is usually just a soft non textured brush, but i don’t think the brush you use at this point really matters. My drawing will kind of look like this at this point:

I then go in with a smaller brush with a darker colour and kind of refine the face a little bit, i really take in the shapes of the face i’m drawing and try and get a good base to then really work on the shading/highlighting. Again, although this is your base to work on the proportions aren’t super important, it may still look bad but whatever is wrong with it you can just draw right over it to correct it! This is why i try and not give up on drawings even if they aren’t going the way i’d like it to because you can always correct it! my drawings never look amazing when i start them but i like to work into them as much as i can and i usually end up with something i’m proud of! anyways lmao, this is what my drawing will look like at this point: 

This is when i start the proper like working into the drawing with highlighting and shading and things. I also change my brush at this point! Honestly any brush will do but i really like the aesthetic of having a super textured brush, I do sometimes change up my brush every so often but the brush ive been using more often than not is this brush:

Also at this point i try and not use pure black or pure white, if you’re trying to go for a realistic look then i feel pure white n black really don’t factor into a face.I also think if you use more mid tone colours then there’s more of a natural gradient? which looks more realistic i feel. Of course if you like the aesthetic of having a high contrast then go for it! this is just how i personally like to do it.

I know a lot of people work by gradually working the whole face, like do loose highlights and dark tones on the whole face and then refining it but i like to do each part of the face one by one and i usually always start with the nose, this isn’t important lmao i just enjoy drawing noses so it’s what i start with. i think the use of highlight is super important to utilise when drawing the nose because its what suggests form,, this is my drawing will look like at this point:

I do end up darkening the shadow on the right side of his nose and the bottom of his nose but i usually get to this point and then move on and then once i do more ill go back and try and bring more dimension to the drawing.

Also! one of the best tools on photoshop that you can utilise and in some of my drawings it’s my saving grace is the liquify tool. Basically if you do the drawing and get to a point it would be hard to paint over then u can use liquify, as i was doing other parts of the face i realised that the nose was supposed to be a little to the left and the eyebrows had to be lower down so you if you open up liquify you can just click and drag the nose to where you want it to be so:

it’s a super helpful tool that really helps you get the facial features exactly where you need it, i used it a couple times throughout this drawing. I don’t think sai has it but you can use the lasso tool and rotate it or whatever and just draw over the little break it makes in the canvas:

so the next thing i do is the eyes and eyebrows. I’m usually not the greatest at getting the exact eye shape but again, liquify is your best friend. An important thing to note is the angle of the eyebrows in relation to the middle of the nose, Brian’s eyebrows are quite straight so i tried to keep them that way. I also started darkening up the drawing, i didn’t quite go full black, the darkest colour i used is like just off black. This is what i have so far:

Also another important thing to remember is the lighting of the image, in the image the right side of his face is more shadowed so the shadow on the left side of his nose wont be as intense as the right side and things like the bags under his eye on the right side would be slightly more prominent. Also because of the brow bone, theres more highlight on top of the brows and usually a shadow underneath because the brows are more elevated and the eyes are sunken in a lil bit. There will be a lil bit of highlight on the inner corner of the eyes though. 

In the next part of the drawing i just add a little bit to the forehead and cheeks :

I think by this time i had adjusted a couple of things like the angle his face was at was a little bit too tiled in my original draw so i just free transformed it and fixed the angle and the face i think was a little bit too wide so i just pulled it in a little bit. I think another thing to remember that places like the cheeks and forehead wont be pure highlight, especially with like men and older faces there will be more subtleties, with Brian he has highlight on the top of his cheekbones but the highlight is kind of broken up with the line that comes down under his eye and the forehead isnt a smooth bump above the eyebrows, especially with the lighting of the image the highlights get broken up a little bit. 

The next drawing is a little fast forward, i forgot to save in between but ill try and talk through everything:

When finishing up I realised the left eye/eyebrow was a little too high so i liquified that baby up to bring it down just a little bit. Another thing i sometimes struggle with is getting the exact shape of the face and angle of the jaw but you can just keep on drawing on top of it until it looks vaguely right. 

For the lips and mouth i think its kind of just a matter of trying to get a sense of the shape, look at the cupids bow and the length between the top lip and the bottom of the nose and how far the lips come out in relation to the nose as well, i think as well the shadow underneath the bottom lip is usually all you need to suggest the shape of the lip, it doesnt look all too natural if theres like a solid like to show the shape of the lip, the top lip though, because of the way the light is sitting on his face is almost completely shadowed, so the highlight on the cupids bow that goes down to the edge of the mouth is what helps give the mouth form. With teeth because they’re in his mouth so they’re not going to be super bright so i didnt add any highlight to them and just used a dark tone to outline the shape of them at the bottom and used a little bit of shading in between them to differentiate between them. 

For the eyes i usually just leave them without the pupils because it’s my brand but it wasnt looking quite right to me so i added a little outline of the pupils, i didnt want to do the full pupil because i like adding a lil smth interesting in the eyes but i like the way they turned out!  

The jaw you can usually bring out with the shadow of the neck. I didnt really feel like drawing the outfit so i kind of just did a couple of lines so show that he was wearing a shirt with a collar.

 Also for brian because he has so much hair i more often than not just use flat colour for his hair and because his hair is so dark it usually works fine but with people like Roger who has lighter hair is doesnt usually work out well? especially with a more realistically drawn face. I was originally going to keep the entire background that colour but it wasnt looking quite how i wanted to. I coloured first though, and tbh my colouring process really doesnt take me that long, the longest part is just working out what colours id like to use and what looks good with the drawing I've made.

So for colouring i use the gradient tool, you have have a gradient thats two colours that will make your drawings look like this

but recently ive started using the gradients with three colours so the highlighted sections will be a different colour to the base colour, i really like the way this comes out, without any other editing itll look smth like this:

I like to play about with the settings a little bit because i do enjoy the way this looks but it’s kind of a bit overpowering and i think sometimes the details of the drawing can get lost when you overdo it a bit? 

If you go through this itll give you many different versions of that gradient and i like to go through it and see which i feel compliments the drawing

heres a couple examples

The one i ended up going for was dissolve but it was a bit too intense so i turned the opacity down to 57%

which gave it a kind of static feel which i was in to, to finish it up i added a tiny bit to show some shoulders and then i wanted to add a tiny bit of a background so i used a flat pinky colour and put that around his hair and then on top of the background i added a little bit more into the hair.

and added so more vibrant pink into it as well just to spice her up a little bit.

[itsthwippingtime]

Fav bloggers and why?

dahskhkasj theres so many!! how am i supposed to,,, uhhh okay i love every one i do if youre not on this list it does NOT mean that i don’t love you

without further ado and in no particular order (okay I’ve noticed some are longer than others and if youre anything like me you’ll read way too much into that but please don’t i don’t mean anything by it i love you all so so so so much) 

im so sorry for how long this is. every person tagged in this; i love you so so so so much and thank you so much for just being there for me and just being a presence in my life i am so grateful for our friendship. that applies to everyone, no matter if we’ve talked every day or never, i love you all so so SO much!!! 

@anidiotwithapen - my first friend on this site (literally) and they live in Germany so we don’t get to talk as much as i would like cause ugh timezones but i love them so much, a walking disaster, the Clint to my Nat (wait am i Nat? have we discussed this yet?) the number of crack head canons that should be canon and ideas we’ve come up with like wow. i love them so so so so so so so so much. amazing artist like wow check out their art blog @neraidamira

@hraewordsmith - my babes my aunt i love her so much IM GONNA MEET HER ASJKDHASJKHDKASHJKA Rae is literally my rock one of the most supportive, loving people (persons?) I’ve ever met i love her so so so so so so so so muchdasjhkjajzkjashdjk 

@keep-a-bucket-full-of-stars - Leah. my babes. an angel on earth i love her so much!!!! I’m gonna meet her too!!! so supportive and loving and encouraging, an amazing writer, an amazing person i mean what else can i say about her???

@starkravingparker - my wife!!! my name twin!!! Ava May i love her so much and I’m so so so proud of her she is so strong and amazing every day she faces demons and battles but she never ever gives up truly inspirational to  me i love her so much and I’m gonna meet her one day maybe years from now but we’ll meet definitely and she’ll have to show me all her favorite places to go and things to do!! an amazing singer ( @starkravingava) an amazing writer ( @stparkerwrites) and amazing at making icons/edits/that stuff that i know nothing about ( @starkravingshuri) truly a talented wonderful person i love her to death. she deserves so much love and happiness and I’m so proud of her jsdajkdjlksa 

@loubuttons - lou. what can i say about lou. the sweetest person ever. always there to love on you and encourage you and hear you complain and be there to rant and shkjadsahjkska i love her so much literally an angel i cannot,,,, an amazing painter and writer and just deserves all the love in the world i love her so much 

@marvelbased SOPHIA I LOVE HER I LOVE HER I LOVE the Bucky to my Sam i could not live without her she’s constantly making me laugh i wish i could give her the world because its what she deserves i love her so much she always supports me and encourages me and we’re gonna meet one day too i know it ill die if we don’t!! dsjkhasjk i just love her!!!! 

@cartwheelandfaceplant - we don’t talk much but i love them!!! everything they reblog, marvel or not, is the Quality Content i signed up for and at least a third of my likes is probably posts from them amazing blog amazing person just amazing amazing amazing!!

@tonyintexas - ah Taylor. my partner in crime when it comes to a certain person i love her and her humor its so amazing Taylor is literally crazy but the best kind of crazy and she honestly has me cackling i love her so much

@smallittlebee - the sweetest ever!!! we don’t talk much but literally so so so so so sweet and um CHICKENS!!!!!

@peterparkerisntdead - literally Gwen’s tags and semi vague shit posts throw me into a fit every time i should expect it but i never do i never know what to expect from her she’s like a hurricane so unpredictable sdaljkasdakjsd i love her k so much!!!!!! just !!!!!!

@irondadgroupie - IM SORRY I HAVENT REPLIED TO OUR HEADCANONS IN SO LONG IM SO SO SO SORRY if maybe if you don’t mind waiting until May? my exams are over mid-may and I’m gonna try to have the out before then but its really getting stressful over here and I’m just so sorry for all the shitty excuses and me ignoring you you have no IDEA how sorry i am. i love you so much i love the head canons we come up with, so so supportive and has always supported me with my writing, since the very beginning and it means the world to me dsjakjhsjak i love you babes!!!!

@imveryobservant - ahhh Jessie i love her toooooo!!!!!! we don’t talk a whole lot but when we do its always so much fun!! there are two (2) things that make me think of Jessie: thank u, next and the muppets (i also think of Gwen when i think of the muppets)

@lovelyspidey - LIXI!!!!! Lixi and i don’t talk a whole lot either but i love her so much and she’s like the one person i can freak with about Spider-Man PS4 (LIXI YOU NEED TO FINISH IT HAVE YOU????) and she’s always been there and supported me from the beginning i love her. also my go-to girl for Tom fic recs ;)

@drowningfandoms - okay but literally idk what to say because i remember seeing your URL repeatedly in my notifs at the very beginning, and like sending me asks and stuff and it was so strange that one person liked me and wanted to interact with me. and look how far our friendship has grown!! i love you so so so much!!!! I’m so grateful for you and our friendship and just your presence in my life

@underoosstark - this bitch makes some of the best videos i have ever seen in my entire life!!!! please watch them!!! ugh your mind babes!! we don’t talk a lot either but always amazing and supportive and loving and so sweet and kind andjaksdhjksahdjkashjksahjkd 

@messedupfangirl05 - this bitch exposes me in the best ways i love her so so so much she is so kind and supportive and just so funny and I’m so so proud of her and everything she’s done. i love her and the way she writes and just EVERYTHINGS!!!!!

@tominhoodies - STEPH!!! BABES!!!! k i love Steph so much she’s an amazing writer and i love her so so so so so much she’s so funny sometimes she disappeared for days or weeks but i know she does it for her and its whats best for her and i respect and admire the amount of self control she had i love her so much okay don’t talk to me

@knife-wielding-tentacle - listen. if it weren’t for this bitch right here i would have never been introduced to the glorious head canon that is Winter Soldier!Peter and i love it so much (okay I SWEAR I’m gonna answer those asks soon but when have you known me to ever do anything on time) i love them so much jdsakjaskdjlaksjkaklsadjkl please never stop with the head canons they give me life

@adaisyspetals - DAISY!!!!!! i love daisy so much!!!!! she sends me pictures of her cat and dog and i love them too!!!! so sweet and so supportive and i love love love her writing!!!! agasdgjhsags just so amazing i love you so so so much babes!!!!

@mostly-marvel-stuffs - hi!!! we used to talk a lot more than we do now and thats okay but i miss you lots babes!!!!! um just an amazing person altogether i love them!!!! we once calculated how long it would be to do a Disney marathon with all most of the Disney movies so we’re gonna do that one day when we can stay up for a week straight (how long did we say it would be?)

@protecthefuckingbees - idk why they follow me cause they’re literally like the coolest and I’m like,,, not but i love them so so so much so supportive and kind and loving and sdjkhajdhjkahdajk i just love you sooooo much!!!!!!

@tomhollandswhore - we talk like every three days but i cherish those conversations, literally so sweet and kind and supportive and a New Friend cause we don’t know each other super well yet but i already know i love them!!!!! 

@tonystarkdadmode - oh my gosh okay so sweet and so amazing and so supportive and just so amazing i love love love them!!!! i love their header (its so iconic go look) and just dsjkasjkdasjkhdsjkadsajk love you so much babes!!!!! 

@spider-boiii - the creator of my icon, always has me cackling, super amazing, really nice, I!!!! LOVE!!!!!! THEM!!!!!!!!!

@spookyclooky - k amazing artist first off! also like the only person i can talk to about Detroit: Become Human and (possibly) other PS4 games (we need to play GTA online one day i feel like that’d be a lot of fun haha!!!) i love them so much they’re so sweet and very patiently put up with my incessant questions about DBH, as annoying as they were

@sup-mr-stark, @mysteryavengers, @death1by3thoughts, @tamaranianprincess, @tomhollandeu @tomhollanders2013, @ebonyheartnet, @avengvr, @anxieteandbiscuits, @theincorrectavengers, @spiderman-homecumming, @my-babies-are-ash, @she-loves-her-queens-of-whump - these blogs… we don’t talk a whole lot and i really wish we did, but we all just kinda stand by and support and love each other even tho we’ve had like 3 or less conversations BUT THEYRE STILL ALL AMAZING AND HAVE AMAZING BLOGS AND ARE JUST ALTOGETHER AMAZING PEOPLE I LOVE THEM!!!!

[isitoctober212015yet]

So, no spoiler review of IT chapter 2: I liked it, it was well put together and i feel like it built on and expanded the first movie very well

some of my other thoughts chock full of spoilers are below the cut

– the opening scene with adrien mellon is easily the most brutal one i dig my nails into my skin when i get nervous and i was bleeding pretty bad by the end of those first 10 mins. its probably the worst and most visceral scare of the whole movie, everything after that’s manageable. I’m a little annoyed they included that one like...of all the parts of the book to stay faithful to thats the one you pick??? I was so annoyed when they announced they were makin that

– where was the scene from the trailer when pennydumbass jumped out of that hole that was in the wall like 10 feet up? Did I miss that or something i feel like it was absent

– I really loved the adult losers they were all so good. I really had no trouble beliving they were the grown versions of the kids from chapter 1

– however i feel they could have sassed back at pennywise more

– I appreciated that this one was darker more often than not but that there were still a couple moments of levity. Watching everyone run around screaming while Mike is smashing the table in the chinese restaurant after the scene with the blood (or perhaps that was just miscellaneous sewer ooze?) and screaming infant bugs was really funny to me. I’m also glad this movie didnt go the miniseries route and just put some live ass cockroaches on the table i hated that. The whole scene was very loud though. I feel like I’m too old but every scary scene i’m always just thinking “oh boy here comes some more noise...good :/”

– Mike was easily my favorite character this time around im glad he got more screentime because gotdamn was he robbed last time

– I love!! new kids content!!! I loved those kids so much so i was really glad that they came back

– goddamn the transitions between some of these scenes was fucking stunning i like said very loudly without realizing “Oh wow that transition” somebody nearby laughed at me

–  I for no reason really want to draw a pomeranian with pennywise markings now

– How did nobody else ever figure out you can just beat It by pointing and laughing and calling it a sloppy bitch. it really took the people of derry five million years to workshop that one huh?

– I was so worried theyd try and force Bill and Bev together and they did not

– If you thought I was paying attention to anything other than that Michael J Fox poster in the background of the scenes in the fort. You would be INCORRECT I really need to finish that IT/BttF crossover huh?

– so???? one of the last things Richie does before leaving town is go to the lover's bridge and re-make the mark he made as a kid that said E + R (while Stan is saying “be proud of who you are” in a vo) are they saying hes gay??? also some kids call him gay and he doesnt like..adamantly deny it like he does other stuff, he just runs off. so??? kinda got gay vibes. it could just be me reading into it as a gay buuuuuuut idk Also Bill and Mike say “I love you” to each other and theyre like the only ones in either movie that even utter the words i love you that i recall, that and Bill wasn’t wearing a ring at the end???? Honestly was anyone else kinda feeling those 2 the whole movie? i was. is there any ship content for that? i feel like theres untapped potential there. gonna be bummed if theres nothing on AO3 tbh

– I can’t tell if I’m immune to horror or if this movie actually wasnt scary. It feels like Penboy only has one scare tactic and thats shake ur head real quick-like. And i do that when i mess up sentences to get my thoughts back on track u aint special bitch

– while nothing other than adrien mellon’s death really scared me I do think the scare scenes were a lot better this time around. better executed and all that. more thought was put into em

– I noticed a lot of really wonky edits esp in the antique shop scene and it kinda makes me wonder if they didnt get too many takes because stephen king didnt want to be there or what but like...every time they cut from Bill to that wide of stephen at the counter his coffee cup is moved and the book is at a different angle did y’all really only do like 1 fucking take of this shit???? I’d get a gotdamn F if I tried pulling something like that. I would get fuckin fired. And this movie with a billion dollar budget just let that slip on by???? I thought that this was gonna be a scene where oh no something spooky happens and the inconsistancies were supposed to be there to clue u in but no. its just bad editing.

– there was a lot of continuity errors in who was standing where or holding items in the deadlights pit where they did the ritual of chud. ignoring for a second that the losers pulled half their damn tokens out of nowhere when only a couple even had pockets on their person, that lampshade/demon container thing just kinda...appeared. Mike was not carrying that the whole time they were going through Neibolt and down. he also pulls a bag off his shoulder one second when hed never had one previously and then next shot theres no bag. my friend suggested that maybe this was like...to disorient you as the viewer and i think it was just like...somebody who fucked up real bad. It made it hard to track where anyone was in that space. but maybe im going to be the only person who notices that shit since im an editor so i have to always be looking for that, anyways this is why a script sup is so important 

– also as a film student who once (and only once, i aint ever doing that shit again) was producer for a short film I was literally screaming at the scene on the movie set. Like???? thats not how movies work!!!!!!!!!!!!!! theyre filming the ending that night!??!?!?! The ending they are still waiting for Bill to write?!??!?!? How did you build a set??? How did you cast for that??? If ur at into a physical location not in the studio how did u get location permits for that day????? WHO STARTS PRODUCTION OF A MOVIE BEFORE ITS WRITTEN WHAT THE FUCK!?!?!?!?!?

– When Bill punches Richie in that recap of their chapter 1 fight there was a random red filter on the shot for 2 seconds who allowed that?? there was also this godawful blue food dye ass filter over one shot of the losers walking down the street. that shot was clearly filmed midday idk who they thought they were foolin with that. Just wait until night man. Again, i would be killed if i did that shit in a student film. but the brothers warn just let this happen????? WHY

[fangirlinginleatherboots]

so this is my first year successfully surviving to week 2 of inktober after years of not managing anything before. and i realized that theres some stuff that i learned that might make things easier for other ppl who were having trouble with inktober too. (or any other month long projects, like huevember and such)

work small. your drawings do not need to be full scale fully realized works

work simple. detail is going to eat up your time. honestly if a concept looked like it was gonna take more than 2 hours to complete, i just filed it away for after october. that way i could still do that idea justice. i generally didnt spend more than an hour on a piece.

plan early. pick a theme that will be easy to follow and still allows you to be creative (like i picked minimalist demon girls/girls with antlers and all the drawings are variations of that). if you’re going to do a fandom one or a genre one, make sure you know well in advance. i planned a week ahead but didnt start until about two days before.

stick to one style. this helps with planning and with deadlines

plan your tools. this is one that doesnt seem like its gonna be big but it is. are you going to do ink washes? are you going to stick to micron pens? are you adding paint? brush pens? colored ink? if you know ahead of time what you’re doing, you can plan within those limitations. pick a limited palette with limited tools so you can stay on task

get a day ahead. something WILL come up and and youll be glad you didn’t miss a day. i try to stay two days ahead because of how unreliable my functioning is. this took a lot of the stress off. this is also really important if you’re someone who has limited access to tools like a scanner or editing software or has frequent tech complications

unless you are someone who flourishes with prompts, don’t do prompt lists. they put a lot of extra pressure on you to do things in a certain order and at a certain rate and even may lead to you subconsciously competing with your peers. if its your first year, you don’t need the extra pressure. if you like prompts though, go for it! 

set reasonable goals. i had no idea what i was going to do so my goal was to do at least 10! im doing way more than that now but only because i didn’t set the bar too high and burn out immediately 

have some fall back sketches. i did about 20 thumbnails (1 or 2 inch concept doodles) and out of them there were 5 that i liked enough that if i get really stuck, i can do one of those instead. its nice to know i wont be sitting there lost if i have a slow creativity day.

if daily is too much, knock it down to twice a week, if thats too much, knock it down to weekly, if thats too much, try just two drawings this month. it’s not a contest. theres not a prize. its for fun and artistic growth

lastly, not all of these have to be award winning works. im not proud of every piece ive done. i have a few favorites i may turn into prints but not all of them. rn its more important to me to produce work than to like it.

[scarletrebel]

⭐star⭐ waffle at me about your favourite lines youve written

ohhh friend you have opened a pandoras box and i hope you are ready also thank you aha

so i started…….. picking some lines and made the Executive Decision to just do one fic because i was planning on doing a couple from a handful of fics but turns out im far too prone to waffling about this kind of stuff because i love picking things apart and figuring out why they work because i love fuckign words and the things they evoke and stuff so yeah this is just some fave lines from most recent fic, requital. 

this was part of a ‘directors cut’ writer thing and if anyone has any more prompts, feel more than free to send them my way! 

Requital, Chp. 1: 

His honesty, wrapped tightly underneath a chivalrous act; a throwaway comment to soften the exposure of such a question, draws her closer.

She kisses him, and hopes that even though the motion is countless in the amount of times they’ve come together, that the answer is plain enough. A claim, she hears her own words in her head, tasting the tobacco of his morning cigarette on her tongue, the warmth of the pull at his hands on her hips.

so whilst i cant say this section was directly inspired by the ecdysis book, what i can say is that there is definitely some influence going on here, in particular these two lines from the page ‘synesthesia’:

“Wu Ming is a bonfire in the darkness, and she crawls toward his warmth.”

“Wu Ming leaves his questions by the wayside as he is drawn inexorably into the gravity well of her desperate honesty.” 

and thats not something i realised until i was writing the final draft, and im pretty pleased with myself considering not only is requital going to examine some of the similarities between avia and drifter, but also the fact that ecdysis is probably my favourite book. i mean…… ‘drawn inexorably into the gravity well of her desperate honesty’ what the FUCK KIND OF LINE its gorgeous i cant deal with it or this book or this page or how desperately gorgeous the tragedy of drifter and orins relationship is 

also…… look. im a hopeless romantic. always have been, probs always will be, so when i say avia and rook are soulmates i mean it in the cheesiest way possible. right before this is rook feeling a bit self-conscious about the whole awoken engaging thing, and theres no way avia can actually put into words how irrevocably in love she is with rook. so she kisses him, and hopes beyond hope that she can put those feelings into motions if not words. i also enjoy the small bit of possessiveness that came out of her too, because the whole ‘claim’ thing with the awoken was there since the first draft but this section came in the final edit, she thinks of it so casually but when she goes on to say that she’d actually duel anyone who came between them i…….. would not put it past her to be 100% down to do that. 

rook isnt a bonfire in the darkness, he’s an anchor in the deep, a solid tether when the sea becomes a storm. 

(ayyy where the FUCK WAS THAT WHEN I WAS WRITING THIS) 

Requital Chp. 2:

Here’s the thing, if you’ve gone through the trouble of decrypting this (a fortified certain-eyes-only encryption that took me a couple of hundred years to perfect, thank you very much), it at least means you’re interested, so hear me out.

i like this line a lot, for a few reasons. drifter knows avia well enough at this point to be well acquainted with her temper and lack of time for dealing with his nonsense. it’s the first flick of the coin between the two of them, drifter laying the proverbial gauntlet down and at the end of the day, its up to her whether or not she picks it up. 

and she does, avia asks levi to decrypt it, and the first thing she sees is drifter acknowledging that shes done so and asking her to at least hear him out. he’s kind of caught her out, and she can respect that even if thats not at the forefront of her mind. avia also has her own brand of curiosity when it comes to people like the drifter, so this is kind of the first inkling of that. and it also (i hope) makes you wonder if drifter is aware of that curiosity that she has, if he sent the message decrypted on purpose to get her interested. 

She smiles at the note, throws her legs over the bed and stretches around a yawn. Five minutes later, Levi puts her in her armour.

“Are you sure you don’t want to stick around?” The Ghost asks. “We don’t have anything urgent to do. There’s breakfast here.”

Avia hums, considering. She moves into the kitchen, glances over the fridge, the cupboards. She looks then onto the sofa, the sprawled pillows, untidy blankets. Suddenly the armour on her body feels heavy, out of place, like the metal has no right being somewhere like this.

“No. I’m not hungry, let’s go.”

“Okay,” Levi says in that tone of voice that lets her know they aren’t buying it. “Should we walk, or transmat?”

Avia notices the balcony door is still open. She walks over and closes it, the streets barely alive as one or two civilians walk to and fro, glancing idly at each other as they pass. “Transmat.”

avia immediately makes an comment about being all domestic with rook in chapter 1. its just not something that suits her in her own mind, and that line (even though i havent waffled about it bc dear god theres too much here already) was something i immediately knew i wanted if i was going to write a day of domestic bliss with her and her fiance, because i knew it’d be a hard thing for her to just get on with like a normal person aha. 

so, we get this part in chapter 2. the domestic bliss is over, and what avia knows best, what shes always known best, is a set of armour and getting back to work. however this part of herself contradicts that which she’s experienced for the past day, and especially the line ‘Suddenly the armour on her body feels heavy, out of place, like the metal has no right being somewhere like this.’ i put in to really reinforce that idea. its not the metal that feels out of place in this scene, its the person in the metal. and her eagerness to transmat straight to the tower rather than walk through the peaceful city streets shows her tendency to run from such thoughts.

this part came really naturally, actually. its a small snapshot into a bigger struggle avia has with herself (especially given the dreaming city, the reef, petra and now potentially going back to the worst part of the shore with drifter) of where she belongs, and more importantly, if she deserves to belong. which is why levi talks to her in that tone because they know what shes doing, theyve seen it so many times before – avia in a scenario that resembles something normal and running from it with no one around to stop her, because in her subconscious she doesnt believe she deserves it. 

“Ada-1, I believe, has fully settled into the Tower. She becomes more and more tolerable of the Guardians by the day. And with the discovery of Niobe labs, her mood has been favourable.”

i had no idea how fun scarlet was to write until i got to this part. she almost has her own language, really. writing ‘im really proud of ada because i spent all morning with her and she was only snippy with like two guardians and shes been really uplifted and im really happy for her since they found niobe labs’ in scarlets own ‘okay but heres the relevant information’ way of explaining things is a challenge but FUN. like, really fun?? 

because scarlet wouldnt be mentioning adas mood if she didnt care, ya know? and its not that she cant say that longer thing about being proud and stuff, its just that she doesnt see the sense in it and its not important information. like, if avia and eden were to spend a dedicated amount of time whittling her down she would absolutely say ‘i am so proud of ada and also i wanna smooch her face how do i do that as an exo’ but its just not a thing for her. but part of the reason why ada and scarlet being together was an idea that i had was because i imagine that line of thinking probably suits ada. 

“It was at Ada’s request. I had more knowledge of the area in its current state, and felt more comfortable talking to Ikora and her Hidden agents than Ada did…”

supportive exo girlfriends. that is all. man ive gotta write more about these two

“Hmm,” Ada wears a concerned stare masked behind a formal rigidity that Avia knows her Warlock teammate best for.

if im being honest, i just really enjoy this line. i imagine its hard for exos to show concern, esp a character like ada and my girl scarlet, so avia has spent a lot of time dissecting certain facial cues and yeah im proud of how this description came out aha

…as if she hadn’t spent the past few months clipping sidelong comments and threatening him when his Gambit veered out of the realm of her control.

avia is a control freak. plain and simple, and i wanted to make that as obvious as possible considering this sentence is only a few away from avia choosing to go and talk to drifter. 

there’s a certain amount of ‘i need to understand this thing that i have limited knowledge on so i can predict/control/plan for it in the future’ in how avia views drifter in general, its a kind-of warlock way of thinking about things but the big difference is avias need for control in these situations is a) selfish and b) only applies to things that she knows she has a good chance of understanding/taming. shes not going around learning about the hive because she has a good understanding that thats a cosmic threat that can only be defended against until it comes. drifter on the other hand is on her doorstep.

i also really loved the contradiction in putting ‘gambit’ and ‘control’ next to each other in a sentence, i kinda hoped it showed how conflicted avia is about going and talking to drifter, and maybe even how naive it is of her to think that it could turn out okay. 

She was incensed, maybe, at the way he spoke to Ada, needed to go and stomp the idea out of his head but he got her talking, like he does

i like this line bc its avia acknowledging that she knows how shes viewed. she knows everyone sees her as a hot-head, she knows her anger veers away from her sometimes and whilst she’s gotten better at getting a handle on it, it’s still an aspect of her that people who dont know her well enough find it hard to get past. 

i also enjoy how new people to this fic/avia in general might not know that this is a big part of her? so she’s trying to use it as an excuse, ‘well no one can blame me if i say i got really mad because thats what i do’ and it (hopefully) tells new people about that aspect of her character without having to show the worst part of it, the convo with ada being an introduction to it i guess – especially since the past few scenes have seen her a lot softer than im used to writing aha. 

“Dammit,” she mutters under her breath. And walks towards the Drifter before she can make a better decision

fun fact – this line was originally ‘and walks down the corridor before she can make a better decision.’ 

i changed it because i wanted to make it more obvious that avia is making a conscious decision to choose drifter, that she’s walking towards a path that she knows is not a good idea. it provides foreshadowing for the allegiance quest and referring to him as ‘The Drifter’ cements it as an idea that she’s walking towards and not necessarily a person. 

[rqs902]

i didnt bother with posting about ep 9 of ‘all for one’ but here we are on the last ep lol...

ok but ep 9 was literally just a big karaoke fest / fan meeting so nothing really stood out to me.... 

im starting this note halfway thru the ep after seeing huang zhibo’s line in pinlin’s group’s performance bc he did so well im so proud!!!!!!!! omgosh his stage presence has improved!! mainly this is all i wanted to say bc i actually really like zhibo even tho he didnt get much time to shine throughout this show :c ok even tho they had to color his hair for half his line, for the ending they didnt and just filtered the whole screen (thankfully) bc he really looks so nice here ahhhh 

omg he also got a random closeup later!!

omg i literally rewinded and replayed this one part so many times to watch zhibo.... i really like his dancing!!! 

ok but objectively pinlin’s group killed it, compared with the other 2 groups LOL

but ok i guess i should say something about what’s happened so far.... poor naicha’s group always gets stuck with doing a stage thats like 10x harder than all the other groups.... lol so is anyone actually surprised with the results from the first round?? is anyone gonna explain what happened to half of the members of he yifan’s group? lol.........

i think aj’s group did really well! their song really suited them and did feel very 潮 lol i think huadi KILLED IT and aj’s smile is always a highlight of their stages. i think ill always feel like i wish jojo had a bigger role in their perfs but it is what it is. i really liked their song

for new storm to be performing uniq’s monster feels so weird..... like the entire show is/was basically a whole big yuehua promotional strategy lol 

I CANT LISTEN TO THIS SONG WITHOUT HEARING CHEN TAO’S WENHAN “GWI ZE” IN MY HEAD HAHAHAHAHHAA

ok im sorry hong weizhe but wenhan started the song better LOL ;;; but also i love zongying and hes adorable but i think he messed up on stage and also his stage presence still needs some work.... why does it just look like hes glaring LOL yang bingzhuo is pulling off the short hair well! why is yixuan bald yanxiu singing his heart out!! and haolian’s smile aw haolian is really just a tall baby lol 

tuo xian mu ou.............. im crying........ their performance was so..... thoughtful. goodness even with a performance with minimal choreography, naicha designed every aspect of it with care. he always brings out the best qualities of each member through their performances and that is truly admirable. gao xin starting and ending the song, mu sen’s voice!! and guanguan’s, especially the line they sing together wow, zhang peng is beautiful and i need more of his voice too, zirui singing his heart out, long-ge’s dancing that brings people to tears, chen shun’s rap that cant be replicated, the little montage at the end, and naicha mentioned the formation at long-ge’s center part matching from their first performance and also their star levels matching from their original first grading -- bringing him back to being the only class leader with just 4 stars..... the fact that theyre all crying and hugging and selina and fei are crying im--- ahhhh gao xin and zheng peng’s friendship im truly ahhhhhh 

im sure they knew going into the last round that it would be highly unlikely that they would win... but i think they really showed us that they deserved to. 

ugh this ending song again feels biased toward new storm lol just like alllll the editing lol. i really like yanxiu’s voice! GAO XIN ZHANG PENG FRIENDSHIP AHHH omg yunlong holding a haoyu sign is the cutest thing!!

lol the fact that pinlin is in that new soy milk commercial im laUGHING theres really no doubt that he’ll make it still lol

naicha’s speech at the end was short but he stated facts. they lost the competition but they didnt lose face. tuo xian mu ou had the best stages 

poor aj.... never got to win first place this entire show........ and then he doesnt get to talk at the end?? ?lol

wow new storm won wow much surprise wow i definitely wasnt expecting this at all wow 

i feel like the whole concept of “popular class” is such a cop-out move LOL feels bad for the members of new storm who arent popular and probs arent gonna get treated like winners even tho they won.......... im concerned for yanxiu

i bet none of them actually even wanna be in “popular class” bc it totally ties them down / separates them from their actual classes... this is literally just to satisfy angry pinlin istg 

oh and theyre gonna go from 7 up? am i suddenly watching idol producer??? ooo chen shun!!! recognizing talent! naicha crying for him!!! and the fact that gao xin’s tall body jumped up as soon as she said tuo xian mu ou... awwww and he prob knew it wouldnt be himself but he was so happy for his team members c: gao xin is a giant softie 

at least since new storm had so many popular kids, that leaves a couple of spaces open in “popular class” lol 

lol i almost forgot about wang di oops now that im thinking about the kids who lost... why didnt they invite back the other teams?? like wait what about like yati and boxuan and ziyue -- i thought they liked them?? i mean i get they got eliminated halfway thru the show but still.... i feel like they were memorable / contributed a lot to this show

can we talk about haoyu running over to comfort huadi!!?!? ahhh 

yea about the whole “i dont think they even want to be in popular class”  -- literally i feel like huadi and aj and naicha are crying when they go on stage because they had to leave their original class behind....... 

im crying watching long-ge gesturing for a crying naicha to go on without them....

ok my tears havent even dried yet but im laughing at them trying to make it so suspenseful who got first place......... ITS PINLIN NO ONE IS DOUBTING THAT ITS PINLIN EVERYONE KNOWS ITS PINLIN OK THANKS

wow look at pinlin literally getting 3x the number of votes as yangtong at #2..... wow 

also just looking at yangtong, aj, and huadi’s rankings it makes sense why yoyo class was consistently like second place lol

haoyu and huadi coming out to welcome pinlin first is...... the most......... ahhhhh

and ofc they pan to his class -- aka look at yunlong’s proud smile and zhibo going from happy to sad in like 30 seconds

wow we really going for #8 and #9 at the same time? are you sure im not watching qcyn? 

OH MY GOODNESS ZHIBO AGAINST LONG GE????? ZHIBO IS POPULAR???? HAHAHAHHAHA OMG WHATTTT ok i expected long-ge and long-ge def deserves it but omg i didnt realize zhibo was popular lol omg yuehua owns this show istg

i feel like long-ge will win.... but also i feel like long-ge doesnt want to win........ i totally see him as someone who would prefer to go off on his own and not be tied down by this show any longer... but also chen shun and naicha are like his best buds on this show so at least he’d have them.... zhibo i feel like would need / want this win more.. because i think he’d have a lot more to show us that he hasnt gotten to yet / may not have the chance to if he just goes back to yuehua. 

pinlin and yixuan and all the yuehua kids running off stage to comfort zhibo....... yall couldnt get your fans to vote for zhibo i guess.......... well we all know that if he yifan hadnt dropped out, he’d be in top 8 and therefore not long-ge so.... thats just something to keep in mind :\ tbh feels bad for guanguan (and jojo) bc he was on zui you xiu with chen shun and long-ge... but i think guanguan didnt get to demonstrate himself as much as they did on this show... even tho naicha tried his best (and succeeded in doing so more than any other leader) to highlight each of their strengths

lol the way they announce the two groups its like “new storm!” and then a huge long list of names for popular class -- like hmm i wonder which one is the actual winners......

i keep getting scared that yixuans gonna hit haolian in the face with that giant thing lol

HAHAHAHA the ending is just pinlin doing 99999 last minute cfs for their sponsors 

hmmm so how do i feel about the popular class -- theyre gonna be called Black ACE? oh ok lol isnt it kinda funny that 4 of them were in “trigger” from the very beginning together? (just like how 4 of the yuehua kids are in New storm...) interesting how things kinda were set from the beginning lol. i honestly feel like pinlin, wang di and yang tong kinda stick out to me in this group, but i wonder what this mix of what feels like is “yoyo and tuo xian plus 2” will turn out. 

well now i guess its time to watch out for these two groups and also keep an eye out for guanguan, zhibo, mu sen, gao xin, zhang peng, and jojo to see what they get to do next!

[coldheartedmmi]

Oct 2, 2021

I can't believe my life has turned into this i cry every fucken day there is never a day im not upset with myself like what is it with me i can never do something right like i know where not perfect human begins but some have it better then me, i know everyone is at different level in life everyone hides their emotions someone out there can be dealing with your same mindset on the view on the world. We all grow up different and for some we all grow up the same or are thinking and feeling the same as we do know. Writing is the only thing that help me feel free from my overthinking and anxiety it crazy how one little change in your life can either make or fuck up your life, i live day to day thinking to myself im a disappointment i havent done anything to make my parents proud as months pass i start to forget things which them to get mad at me and since im jobless right now im even more a disappointment im the oldest and cant keep a fucked job all becuse my dumb ass has anxiety and is sacred to try no things, and when you dont have the support you expect from the people you love it causes you to lose it cause you cant do anything without people approval and its stupid cause its your life no one others you should be able to do what you want and make yourself happy by you grow up asking for other people opinions and it has caused you to the bitch you are today your afraid of feed back your afraid youll get hurt and being judged but that shouldnt stop you from being you and doing what you love but when you grow up being told to do this dress like this so people could like or so you can fit in it kills you mentally fucked up cause you always want do your best so people around you like you in this world its hard to be liked so i limit my self. I hope all you guys have and amazing life of head of you guys fall your dreams dont let no one i mean nobody break you or your dreams dont let anything affect you just keep on going find something you love get the support you need from your family your main support the people you love that you call family, i wish i could take this advance to the heart and follow it but to fucken hurt to follow what i want i love there nothing i love i lost my excitement for everything video editing, graphic design, photograph, real estate, and there more to come watch because i can't make up my mind the first three things is what i was enjoying to do and make but my family saw it as there no income coming in for those working work in some thing that actually pays good and well the rest is for them so they can be happy of my achievements well i just seat in silence faking a smile wishing i was happy as much as them, all i want is to be happy explore the world make money from anywhere and well it may sound easy but its hard not everyone gets the opportunity to do so. The only achievement i can say that made them proud was graduating from high school with a 4.0 gpa and thats its i never thought i was smart enough to apply to a 4 year college i wasn't even smart enough to go to high school and somehow graduated with that 4.0 gpa i always struggled doing work never would ask for help but because i had that extra help class for students who had a hard time learning teacher would just feel bad and give passing grades. PLZ REMEMBER NO MATTER YOUR ABILITY TO DO THINGS YOU ARE LOVED AND CARED FOR AND EVERYONE ONE IS DIFFERENT WE ALL COME WITH FLAWS PLEASE LEARN TO LOVE YOURSELF AND DON'T FORGET ABOUT YOURSELF AND WHO YOU ARE. As I wrote that above I realized I forgot who I was. I'm different from many people. I'm 19 years old and I have a hard time doing simple things. I struggle to read and write and do simple math calculations and I can't count or count money. It's hard for me to remember things. Remember you are loved and cared for believe in yourself and in the people you trust, cause trust is major key and in many cases the people you love and trust the most can be the same people to fuck it all up and lose your trust and if many people do it all at once it fucks with you cuase you learen not to trust anyone

anymore its crazy to hear but in my life right now i really dont trust anyone like i use to i use to tell everyone everything about mylife but as time pass i learned to keep my life secret cause people spread shit and mikx up your words and cuase friends and families to end or lost trust, remember to stay true to yourself dont change for other dont let no best friends or family change you in anyway inorder to be accepted and liked do you, get those tattoos you want, those piercing your family doesnt want to see you in, dress like you want to dress dont let anyone dress you its your body not theres, smoke that weed that people say fuck you up but dont understand that its your safe place where you feel nothing but love and being at home with your peace of mind and most importanly happy with life even its temporary you love the feeling. Good night. I'm not going to bed anytime soon. It's 3am and well I'm just done writing for today.

[peridipshit]

EDIT: IDK HOW TO MAKE A READMORE ON MOBILE SORRY FOR A WALL

hey hey guys ive been super inactive and theres a reason for that and that reason finally worked out and i cannot fucking begin to explain how good it is ghjklljhgfdghjkljhgfdghjkljhgfdghjklhgfhjkl

read more for a super lengthy overshare of angst and ecstasy

i kno w its fuckin long, its not for anybody but myself bc ye i have adhd myself and dont know how to read sh i t and dont expect anybody to have the patience for this

so, if i start at the beginning, ive had, the hardest period of my life starting around fall 2016. ive been in community college for about 4 years now, and i dont want to list all of the things ive done because it wouldnt reflect the mental emotional and physical exhaustion ive put myself through for all of this work. and all this time i thought it would amount to nothing because a lot of what i was supposed to be doing was pushed away out of fear. i filled up my time with a million impressive things that i genuinely loved and enjoyed, but knew it wasnt the actual work to get into the universities i was so desperate for. i pushed,, all my applications to the week or day before the due date. i had to give up three out of seven universities because of the deadline pressures. 

but my main school, the one that i returned to as the ideal place, but a laughable pipe dream, was the one i worked the absolute hardest for

i needed to do two different applications with a total of uh, 8 or 9 essays? the first round of 5ish essays i submitted the day before, and then the second application, i started the week before and completed the essays and storyboard, and hit the submit button 2 minutes before the deadline. i had two winter semester classes (which both kept me under a no-sleep schedule) and i juggled the application work by night. i ended up with like 3 total hours of sleep in that week. i almost gave up like three times but i remember crying after finding this song which coincidentally reflects the acceptance into the university im now somehow attending. it was the moment to myself that i decided i wanted to push through and grow up

the third round where i almost gave up was when my professor couldnt recieve my emails and i had no other way to contact him during the winter. i came to his office the week school started in spring with a deadline of three days to get my letter completed, and he submitted it an hour and a half before the deadline. i spent that weekend convinced i would just take another year at community college and at home and prepare myself more. i cried after checking my phone when i was walking out of Black Panther because he hadnt submitted it with less than two hours left before my application would have been thrown out. he submitted once i got into the car and refreshed the tab

last month i got an interview with the school of my dreams. i looked up the real statistics and they choose 30 transfer applicants for interview and accept 15. that moment was a rush of disbelief and brief sobbing as i realized that maybe im not crazy and not stupid and maybe just doing good things

that was the longest week of my life, but it wasnt a nervous thing at all. i knew i could nail an interview, it just was practicing. i spent each car ride to school talking to myself for 30 minutes. 

i literally could not have done anything as amazingly as i did in that interview without my friend’s help (hey dude), i was literally hearing that skype notification and have never had my heart pound as hard in my life. two seconds thinking about my friends and everything theyve done for me was like, a reminder that ppl care and have my back and istg that power of friendship anime bs is real my dudes and i couldnt ask for better people in my life 

i rocked it like some kind of word virtuoso person and waited a month for a notification

limbo is wierd

i spent so long knowing i was so, close, but not in a place to celebrate

the day i found out was Of Course as wild as it was, where i was having a panic attack out of everything in the morning that accumulated, i was like near crying in class because the prof was kinda yelling at me and i almost lost my project and had to run about a mile in heels to look for it and i was being hit on by a guy twice my age and i had 2 hours of sleep

but????????? i got into ucIa in their theater film and television school, which is harder than any ivy league school. me and 14 other transfer students. 92 total undergrads in that entire film school. ill be nineteen into my junior year. ill be at the heart of the industry going into animation and able to do practically anything. 

a n d i learned that not only my tuition room and board will be covered, but likely a ridiculous amount beyond that too.

i just. got to a point in my life last year that i knew that i was setting myself up for failure and i thought that if i wasnt improving i was failing and so i put so much onto myself in terms of working that i literally had no time for myself. no time for anything leisurely and no time for shows or movies or games or even friends. the only thing i felt like was my escape was cosplay and i still had that shamed by my family for wasting money and time. i of course had many moments and opportunities to do a few things that i regard very fondly, but overall i had no time to genuinely reflect on the damage that everything had caused. it felt like i had no time to cry ultimately, like some kind of hamster wheel of responsibility and fear. im still recovering now, and i want to be better. i want to do my best for myself and everyone around me. and i want to become someone that can be healthy and be myself. and yknow what im pretty damn proud of where im already at right now 

trying hard to keep coherency but i gotta wake up at 5 for an 8am class tomorrow so this is a lil rushed. its probably corny as hecc, but hell i feel just ok for a second and thats nice. i would never have gotten here with the support around me and like, my friends and family have done so much for me and i could write ten of these rambles on each one of you. you care about me and i care about you guys beyond anything these words can express. (*cough*quinn keira kevin cece*cough* not to say everyone else i know hasnt impacted me because gOd so many lives have done so much for me, i just, hey, love yall) 

my life is finally feeling like something big, ive never believed in the destined for greatness thing, ive just felt Capable of greatness and afraid beyond words of wasting it. and i want to be great for me, i want to be great to others, and i want to be great to the big picture. 

just, holy fuck i love you guys so much and thank you 

things are finally looking ok and i would repay you guys back in to the fullest extent of my hearts adoration and appreciation

[juunshua]

Because the kids are large scale financial investments anything that rocks the boat, even if it's for the overall health and wellbeing of those investments, dissuades implementation. Which still doesn't make sense considering investors should care more about prolonged market value and profit rather than immediate payment if money is the real reason. Milk them for all you can while you can bc there are plenty if younger kids ready to take their place? Unfortunately for everyone involved. (1/)

I guess 7 is the magic number when members can start branching off to their own thing because they've established themselves in other fields. After promoting as a singular entity for so long, they probably jump at the opportunity to promote themselves in an area of particular individual interest. Def saw that with hyoyeon. With everyone in snsd except her doing something outside of group promos, she kinda faded into obsecurity despite being one of the dancers with the most control in kpop (2/)The produce series has always had evil editing so I am not at all suprised hongki is barely there. Kahi's first bit of substantial screen time in season 01 was devoted to yelling at a girl for not keeping up. Evil editing is so real. It's hard to shake the idea that popular=good when there is a plethora of evidence to back up that idea and very little of technically decent popular media, especially in an industry that values the end goal rather than the process. Kids are anxious to debut (3/).I should make an edit: gfriend sells and theyre changing the idea that a girl group choreo should be easy but after the public turned off to the concept change between their og trilogy to fingertip, somu rethought their strategy by bringing out summer rain and the repackaged even though they are the most boring songs of gfriend's entire discography. Most recent comeback brought back the guitar riffs but kept the harder aesthetic of fingertip. #giveumjidirtyblondehairagain (4/).Tbh I'm all for girl groups who did the whole innocent, oppa! concept when they were 16 performing increasingly mature songs because apink's newest song been my jam. And as for groups with injured members, the reason why staging changes (kneeling -> standing) is bc it is the easiest way to limit use which otherwise can lead to inflammation without changing large portions of the choreo. (6)

after fifty thousand years i reply alskdfj im so sorry technique anon omg hyoyeon is really one of the best dancers in kpop?? huzzah i keep listening to their title tracks hoping one day their music will appeal to me again but rip nothing :( sunny summer was so underwhelming i really wanted to like it but i just :( they seemed to be going on a positive trend though? like u said the guitar riffs came back thats why i was super excietd for sunny summer but then..... ... ahaha but apparently its just a special comeback and like nothing as serious ? and i guess i get it chill summer vibes but it seemed a bit too...chill...for me like i feel like the verses were pretty interesting but led up to an unfulfilling chorus. i really loved semina oh my god. semina and oh my are def my fav comebacks (?debutish? for semina) of the summer in terms of music and in terms of being summeryahahaha i love cute concepts a lot really, and i agree like esp when these kids are so young theres no need to push them to concepts that don’t suit their age. but i guess in terms of personal preference, apinks new comeback is probably my least favorite of everything they released alskdjf is it tropical house? they introduce the song as being ‘tropical’ but im not sure if that means ‘tropical house’ because idk musical genres, but if so, pet peeve #1 = tropical house (even if its not tropical house...the instruments they use alskdjfl god) . then my pet peeve #2 would be the little ‘oh oh oh oh NYAH NYAH NYAH NYAH NYAH NYAH” (i know its more nahnahnahnah but how fast they say it lends itself more to the ‘nyah’ sound and like SLKDFJ) like ive said it before but my ears are incredibly sensitive to any nasality and i literally cannOT get past that nasality and tropical house as a music trend in it of itself is just so SO nasal sounding too in general? man the melodic line is a BOP but i cant get past the instrumental really it bothers me so much. i appreciate the almost fusion with their old apink sound with current music trends though! its still definitely an ‘apink’ songahh i see!! that makes sense!!!

[richard-the-boy-wonder-blog]

I was tagged by: @rebel-eds , thanks for giving me something to do B 💓

1. last drink?: Shitty imitation coffee. 

2: last phone call?: my mommy.

3. last text message?: "okay mommy" you can only guess who i sent it to.

4. last song you listened to?: Best Friends by Grandson. (Its a banger beatbi suggest everyone give it a listen)

5. last time you cried?: Thusday night last week.

6. dated someone twice?:  Yes, and i was mistaken both times.

7. kissed someone and regretted it: I kissed a guy who only kissed me to date my mom.

8. been cheated on?: Yeah actually, and the kicker was that it was an irl relationship between me and this person and they cheated on me with someone from across the country... So.

9. lost someone special?: Not really?

10. been depressed?: Oooooh boy.

11. gotten drunk and thrown up?:  Story time! Ive been black out drunk, once. I invited my current bf over for some video games (we had been dating for like a month maybe) and i thought "boy imma get stupid and put the moved on him" drank 2 things of box wine to myself (1 box is equal to 4 glasses of wine lol) ended up getting sick really fast and left my bf to watch my younger 2 siblings while i threw up. Thats all i remember. (I think i also tried to shave my legs?)

Fave colors

12. Green (every single shade)

13. Black, like oil black so its not as dark.

14. Like a dusty brown yellow color.

in the last year have you…

15. made new friends?:  I think so? I hope so cause theres alot of people on here i just recently met that im already considering my friends.

16. fallen out of love?: Yes... Honestly its the saddest feeling in the world.

17. laughed until you cried?: I did that last night over the fact i said i wanted to become a professional hotdog juicer.

18. found out someone was talking about you?: Yeah, im a snoopy bitch.

19. met someone who changed you?: Oh yes, some of them were for the better, but this one person im thinking in particular... I wish he would stop.

20. found out who your friends are?: Yeah actually, i moved and alot of the people i considered "friends" started talking crap, and alot of the people i just considered stuck up for me.

21. kissed someone on your facebook friends list?: Does my mom count?

general:

22. how many of your facebook friends do you know irl?: Like a solid 80% of them, others are people i briefly met at cons or whatever.

23. do you have any pets?: I have 2 kitties! My sisters fat cat Juno and my demon Leia.

24. do you want to change your name?: Not really, i feel like ive got a pretty cool name.

25. what did you do for your last birthday?: I cried and threw up on myself lol.

26. what time did you wake up today?: 8:46 am i remember because i wooe up amd the first thought i had was: "if i dont get up the carrots will attack."

27. what were you doing at midnight last night?: Editing my fic and watching School of Rock.

28. what is something that you can’t wait for?: I have a sad life thats going nowhere so i have nothing to look forward to.

30. what are you listening to right now?: California Dreamin' by The Mamas and Papas.

31. have you ever talked to a person named tom?: I worked for a guy named Tom. Tom was an asshat.

32. something getting on your nerves?: The fact that im not aloud to sing or dance around the hoyse anymore.

33. most visited website?: Tumblr lol.

34. hair color?: I had purple hair before i dyed it brown, so its kinda like orangy brown with a tint of pink.

35. long or short hair: This is a hard question because my hair is a mega floof. So it looks short but when i flat iron it its fairly long.

36. do you have a crush on someone?: Honestly.... I think so.

37. what do you like about yourself?:  Im not a huge fan of my outsides (my appearance) but i love my insides. I think im hella funny, and goofy but i know im not very pleasant to look at. But thats okay ☺

38. want any piercings: I already have my snake bites and 2 holes in each ear, but im dying to have my bellybutton, eyebrow, and either my nipples or tongue done. (Maybe a double helix UGH i dont know)

39. blood type: i think im AB positive?

40. nicknames: Jae, JJ, Jada, Scoob, scooberndude, bug, beb, moose, little angry one, you.  

41. relationship status: Taken.

42. zodiac: imma Capricorn.

43. pronouns: I mostly go by They/them, but im okay with her/she too.

44. fave tv show: Ive re-discovered 'Dan vs. Everything' and im in love.

45. tattoos: ive got 4, 1 on my left arm, 2 of my right. And one on the back of my neck (i should just face reveal and show them honestly i get asked about them so much)

46. right or left handed: left handed (imma diamond in the rouge)

47. ever had surgery: GOD NO.

48 . piercings: Yep like i said before. Ove got 6, my snake bites and 2 in each ear.

49. sport: I USE to play baseball amd hockey. (I was also on a roller derby team if that counts)

50. vacation: I haven't been on vacation since i was 8.

51. trainers: No.

more general

52. eating: I was told that you should drink water 20 minutes before eating, because dehydration can feel like hunger. I started doing that like a week ago and ive eaten maybe 4 times since 😂

53. drinking: Water 😎 (hydration is sexy, yall should go get some)

54. im about to watch: myself post this amd regret it.

55. waiting for: my mom to get home so i can come put of my room.

56. want: More records.

57. get married? After some consideration, probably not ever gonna happen.

58. career: i dunno yet, i just know i wanna go to film/art school!

59. hugs or kisses: keeses 😙

60. lips or eyes: The eyes.

61. shorter or taller: i dont really mind either, evidentally though its always tall because im short as fuck.

62. older or younger: Still doesnt really matter to me, as long as they aint a pedo.

63. nice arms or stomach: Arms, because i love being held.

64.  hookup or relationship: a relationship where you pretend not to know each other and "hook up"

65. troublemaker or hesitant: im not really either? Like im not very shy, but im not so far out there that i get in trouble.

66. kissed a stranger: Thats how you get hepatitis.

67. drank hard liquor: Yes, i still would but i get hella nervous about it (im a stoner not a drinker eeeeh)

68. lost glasses: yep! Thats why i dont have them now.

69. turned someone down: Not really. No one has ever asked me out before :/

70. sex on the first date: im a hoe and proud, but this is a major no no.

71. broken someones heart: i think so... But they broke all of me first.

72. had your heart broken: Ive had alot more than just my heart broken.

73. been arrested: Yes i was arrested when i was 9.

74. cried when someone died: Ive been crying over David Bowie for 2 years now, yes.

75. fallen for a friend: This is the only way i can get into a relationship

do you believe in…

76. yourself: Yes! I can do the thing!

77. miracles: Sadly no, ive never had one happen for me.

78. love at first sight: Kinda? Like it starts out as "i wanna punch your face in" at first site, and THEN i fall in love.

79. santa clause: yes because my papa is santa.... I seen it.

80. kiss on a first date: i always barf if someone tries to kiss me on the first date. (Not because it grosses me out but because i got bad anxiety lol)

81. angels: Absolutly because all my friends are angels 💓

82. best friend’s name: I... I dont have one? (Does my twin count? Her name is Dawn)

83. eye color: Green!

84. fave movie: Probably Pretty in Pink.

85. fave actor: Lesie motherfucking Jones! This girl is amazing, she went to an art school in Colorado for a basketball scholarship and ended up in theater and on SNL instead. I aspire to be cool enough to earn my way onto SNL.

I should tag some peepes: @trashmouthmissy @spaghetti-head-eds , @thegreatwhiteferret , @beepbeepbongoboyy , and anyone else who wants to do this can and tag me saying i tagged you 😎

[shytiff]

Small September Wins

1 - its JK's birthday, and BTS also got #1 Billboard 🥺 and then dave uploaded a video of him shaving his eyebrows. Somehow theres a lot of stuff happening as Sept starters! I hope all goes well in this month. Aamiin. DL, 6P

2 - DL, e (exercise), finished to 4 padi (took a while, but i still try to be proud), watched in the soop ep 2 yay!!!

3 - DL, e, edited 3 articles, 5P. Drank janjiw’s hazelnut latte and im still not sleepy (its currently 11 pm). like usually bcs i dont move a lot and its a boring routine day to day, im not 100% “awake”. most of the time im running on probably 90-95%, like there’s still that feel of tiredness looming behind, a slight feel on the head. (except after exercise or freshly woken up and bathed) but after coffee, my head doesnt feel the usual tiiiny weight, my eyes somehow feel like they’re fully open lmao. i see the bed and im not even thinking abt laying down and sleeping. my head feels clearer, if that makes sense. is this how other ppl feel all the time? but i feel sbux’s coffee doesnt quite have the “effect” on me like janjiw do. maybe bcs it’s arabica vs robusta. and today my back feels somewhat strong and not tired!! my legs were sore from yesterday but i can sit and do stuff for a while and not feel like ugh on my back

4 - DL, edited 1 article, MPI briefing

5 - DL, planned to run and i even changed but the weather turns SUNNY all of the sudden, and when i change back into normal clothing the suns gone lmao, watched parasite (and afterwards seeing the posters and tidbits about it), ordered damm eat (quite good, but the butter rice was a bit lacking), attended ma 50th anniv on zoom and wadah gerabah (kdm's seminar on financial planning)

6 - DL, e, 2P, ordered koper bebek pak boss (kgn!!! Taste good and oily as always just the way i like it), finished listening to Tentang Anak: Montessori just bcs i was curious

7 - DL, 2K (kompre lisan kak shela), A, the lecture was all day long so its a great distraction while im fasting, the dinner was spicy chicken so i was chugging a lot of water and my stomach was half water half food

8 - DL, D (Dhuha), 15K

9 - DL, 5K, met up with atikah and lau @ mcd citra 7, talked about coding design and branding (a refreshment from medschool vibezz), did delirium ppt for thursday submission (amazed i didnt do it 2 hrs before deadline)

10 - DL, pelatihan apd, google meets with shiko to do delirium ppt, edited 2 articles

11 - DL, E, 8K, wow nemos first webinar is finally published

12 - DL, e, joons birthday!!!!, eidcp (shock and pain), in the soop 4, mpi briefing, played among us with shiko

13 - DL, 20K, 3IKK (Cicil soal DK IKK)

14 - nugas EA bersama manusia2 terstruktur dan rapih anti deadliner club im like wow so this is how other rotations work? lmaooo

15 - DL, did KMKP QA together with B9, cicil DK IKK but my progress was sooo slow, slept in early even though i dont deserve it since i can feel the looming fatigue

16 - DL, lazed around the first half of the day wtf tif ingat kompre :((((, read kak diptas note on acls but i forgot it already (its only been a couple hrs) fkdigital obesity, did DT EA

17 - ask something for the first time in mpi class by my own will lmao. Todays class was very spontaneous. Listed sponsors contacts. DL, 3k

18 - DL, sent soal pld to alya, qc soal pld, finished ppt 1 hr before discussion, slept in until 9 am, my mood feels better after playing among us and werewolf with candra jiwa. i was alive until the very last seconds until i finally died and the evil won. i for sure CANNOT be a detective. Played until 12 am. my sour soul was cheered up, so glad i joined

19 - DT resume submission while lying in bed, kompre briefing, in the soop 5 while exercising (Emi Wong, standing HIIT), rapat sponsor nemo, read PPK Primer, diskusi asinkronus, my will to do things deteriorated again

20 - DL, hamstring and glutes sore af, 4IKK, read some PPK Primer, played among us with dajen and anak merpati, group call w shiko

21 - DL, did geriatri assignment, cicil ikk (even though turned out i did the wrong questions ffffffff), cbl at night from 19:30-21:00. Tried indomaret point's baper coffee and it did make me focus more on my laptop and deadlines to catch. Bts tiny desk concert omg!!!

22 - DL, cicil IKK as always~ geriatri discussion, drank indomaret points caramel latte and studied a bit for kompre. Somehow my stomach is less bloated when i drink coffee the night before :/

23 - DL, 1A, kompre study, dk ikk 17:00, coffee (palm sugar, indomaret point). Im not drowning in assignment... Yet

24 - DL, EA task training and simulation, cbl from 13:00-17:00 powered by sbux vanilla latte, passed out until 20:00, ate sum food, did DT

25 - wtf its friday already?!, DL, task training, spontaneous J-2 announced meeting with dr Dyah, tried ara's cake, rapat nemo and sponsor nemo, caramel macchiato~, ICORPS RSUI, cicil ikk terosss

26 - DL, have no will to do stuff, read some bitly kompre, ordered burgushi chicken mentai, cicil IKK

27 - 1A, alhamdulillahh finished reflection after a lot of stumped moments, it literally took me a day to make wtf. Its only 2 pages. And thats about it lmaooo. Played among us with solid

28 - DL, 1A, woke up at 11 am lmao, horein sam, cicil dk ikk, group call shiko. Didnt do a lot od things today but my mood is definitely better

29 - DL, will sleep at about 11 pm ish (slept through prof men’s lecture huhu) --> after posting this played my phone and slept at 12, anamnesis practice with ness ren, finished tugas harian geri

30 - DL, anam geri, finished status, and then did nothing else except reading painter of the night :(((( i didnt even do ikk. I got no fighting spirit today