#theres so much to this story genuinely. i want people to ask questions

[creatively-cosmic]

Heyyy, it’s me again :)

Wanted to say that the Fire lore is indeed Fire. And dark. Jesus Christ Almighty is it dark and I love everything about it. (I wanna give Fire a hug now but I don’t know if he likes hugs from strangers-)

ANYWAY! I got curious again and I have more questions: about Blue this time. I hope this isn’t too much.

Okay, first question: Where did Blue get the scar on his neck?

Second: Does Blue hate Fire? Or is he just so angry at his unfair existence that he takes it out on the thing closest to/most important to Arceus that he can get his hands on? (I might be reading things wrong, but that’s the vibes I get from it.)

And Third: Would Blue really be happy to see (His?) Red if he came back, even though he’s completely batshit insane?

That’s all though! I hope this wasn’t annoying. Have a good day/afternoon/night!

Trust me when I say that not only are you no trouble at all, but getting questions about Missing Numbers has been the highlights of our days! We love getting to talk about this, and it's wonderful that people have shown care and interest. Your questions make us really happy and we're always more than happy to answer.

For starters, Fire is a giant teddy bear of a man. He doesn't mind hugs. In fact, I think he needs one.

As for Blue!

The scar on Blue's neck is one of the clearest signs of his... Anomaly? Corruption?

It's a design troupe we like to use, of some kind of subtle physical sign of a more metaphysical issue. For this scar on Blue, it's the source of his Glitched state. It's an entire piece of the story, how he ended up partially corrupted and how it works, but to keep it... Simple? Without getting into the mechanics of how it worked or the in-depth story of what happened, lest we're here all day?

The scar is from his first death. The event it's from is, essentially, the first time he and Fire went through their little murder-suicide death loop, spurred on by Leaf's demise. It's a point of no return: opening up the flesh, giving up his life, and letting the corruption seep in.

Does Blue hate Fire? It feels like a cop-out answer to say it's complicated, but it REALLY is. Not even he really knows how he feels.

He hates him, yet he loves him so. He can't comprehend him, but he's the only one who understands. He's so much greater than him, so high above. He's so much less than him, like dirt beneath his feet. He is his greatest equal, the only one he could look in the eye.

It isn't his fault. It's ALL his fault. He wants him here. He wants him gone. He can't imagine losing him. He wants him dead. He NEEDS him dead. He is NOTHING to him. He's his friend rival enemy savior punishment god damnation lover

everything.

Is he haunting Blue? Is Blue haunting him? Isn't it a cruel existence to be taunted by? The man who stole the name, the place, the identity of the only one he cared for. Is it betrayal to love him too? Who else could he come to love, but him? But he's seen it- how empty he is. Like everything he does is done because it's predestined. Surely, you'd think, it's meaningless as "Red" tries to extend warmth. Tries to show kindness. Tries to be a friend. Acts like Blue means something to him.

The warmth in those brown eyes shouldn't mean anything. Not when he's seen them so cold, so empty, in everything else he's done. Not when those eyes should have been the intense red Blue KNOWS he remembers from his childhood. It's all wrong.

It's not fair. That's the main thing, and you understood that much in your question. Save one thing- Blue doesn't know about Arceus. He has no idea who is responsible. No clue why this has happened, or what's happening. He's in the dark.

All that he knows is one night as a child, at his lowest moment, his best friend left him with a tangible promise.

And the next day he was gone. He doesn't know what happened.

And the world moved on.

And then there was the brown eyed kid. Him in every sense but so, absolutely and completely, wrong. And there's no explanation. No reason. Nothing. So who else could he possibly blame? Who else could that anger possibly be directed towards?

He tried to find anyone, anything, any way to justify it. In his rational mind, this must be something beyond their control. And he's so sweet. So gentle. So quiet. So kind. But with no way to see or even comprehend the higher powers at play, every sign can only point to him.

That imposter. That replacement. That bastard.

... That boy, the only one who chose to be his friend in spite of everything.

Does he hate him? Does he not? What else can I say? It's just... Complicated.

As for the Third question.

It's funny you ask. I have a bigger piece for this planned.

[isabelguerra]

paranatural would be so good if the characters had intended symbolism and core beliefs and things behind them that drove a specific meaning. rather than being tools for shonen anime pseudomocking

[jeffthekillerzblog]

a major plot point or like the entire thing about my au is just the creeps moving on and having their own character arcs throughout the years and finally heal from their past trauma

(rest is me rambling about my au...u don't have to read if u don't wanna its pretty long)

Jeff's arc is big on him finding his brother and coming to terms with what really happened. jeff is so incredibly stubborn and a big (very) egotistical. he finds it hard to open up and after what happened he feels that there's no point opening up anyway bc he's literally a famous asshole serial killer who's messed up SO many people's lives. another big thing about his arc is just owning up to his actions and apologizing to the people he's hurt. for example, nina. he led her on, treated her terribly for no reason, and was overall just an asshole. after they get into an argument he'll eventually apologize bc like he didn't HATE nina, he's was and prob still is in a terrible mindset and copes in such unhealthy ways. IDK OK I'm rambling but my point is he does eventually apologize to nina not because he needs her or like wants to use her again. he apologizes because he genuinely misses her and BOOM they become besties again after jeff properly apologizes and ya. BUT basically jeff's arc is him finally finding liu after all these years and yeah he apologizes to all the people he hurt (or the IMPORTANT ones) like nina, liu, and EVENTUALLY... jane. but that's WAY into the future (besides nina) he's way too full of himself to apologize now.

Nina's arc is her getting over JEFF. her love for Jeff began when she met him. she already admired him, but he turned into a full on crush. he did lead her on, and it hurt her a lot. shed spent tons of nights alone when jeff was supposed to be sleeping next to her, and she just felt so lonely, especially since jeff was so neglectful. She talks to clockwork about it and they help her realize her self worth and comforts her (she's terrible at it). Nina starts hanging out with Nat and toby more often, and it makes her feel SO much better about herself. Eventually she does get fed up of jeffs bs and they get into an argument and nina decides to leave. she kicks him out of her apartment and she doesn't let him come back. (she does....when he apologizes.....) She eventually learns to love herself and realize she doesn't need a stinky man's validation. Theres also a bit of her coming to terms with her own trauma, but I haven't fully fleshed that part out yet.

BEN's arc is probably my favorite. he's lost all his memories of his past life, and now after he accidentally found out he's NOT just a computer AI program, he decides to take it on himself to find out who his family was, how his life was, and how he died. I wont say as much bc I want to keep it a surprise, but in summary it fucks him up LMAO

ok that's it. OBVIOUSLY the rest of the creeps are healing as well BUT I have not fleshed out their stories yet...oops. so its just three for now. Except MUCH more stuff about the trio bc I love them with my all.. if u have any questions feel free to ask :3

[the-lonelyshepherd]

"fanon lottienatters please stay away from me" oh!! shots fired!! 2,000 dead, 10,000 injured!! BUT curious about your specific definition for fanon lottienat and what you dislike about it <33

ohhhhh okay... alrrrrrr

this is like. one of my biggest issues. im not like a shipper, never rlly have been until yj but i dont like engage in discourse bc thats stupid.

But basically? Fanon lottienat just kinda strips anything thats interesting about the ship away. and makes it like. punk x preppy. loser x popular. ive even heard black cat and golden retriever which makes me want to rip my eyes out.

And its not even accurate to their characterization? at all? like youre flanderizing them but like..... not even their main traits. like ive seen people say "precrash lottie would be like charlotte from status update (curse that movie btw. the things i do for u courtney eaton) which is just. like not at all.

first off lottie is not popular. yeah, shes rich, but shes clearly somewhat of a loner (WHICH PARALLELS NAT?? WHICH MAKES IT MORE INTERESTING???) even courtney has said this in interviews. she feels ostracized, and a lot of it can be traced back to the flashback scenes we see, esp those about her relationship w her parents and her supposed mental illness. the 90s, especially the 90s in a high pressure rich family, was NOT a good place to have schizophrenia (and yeah theres the "she wasnt actually mentally ill" argument but that changes nothing because atp in the story her whole family and probably herself believed she was.

Then we have the nat characterization. The fanon "grumpy" to fanon lotties "sunshine". guys canonically nat smiles more than lottie. girlie was always grinning while lottie was experiencing the horrors all of s1. ofc they both went THROUGH it but that specific stereotype pissed me off sm i had to address it.

also, nat gets shown a lot as masc?? which is a fine headcanon but like for her style like the whole punk thing? she acc dresses relatively femininely.those are little irks abt nat but they bother me idc. too tired to write more on this rn but feel free to ask!

so basically taking this stuff into account - fanon lottienat uses a gross mischaracterization of both characters, especially lottie (also that suspiciously align w stereotypes HMMMMM) to literally make the ship more boring. You are making it a stupid and lame trope. You literally have these two insanely complex characters who mirror each other. Theyre not opposites attract, they are the same character in different skins. They're both loners, one because of her punk/rebel nature and nasty rumors, the other because of her mental illness and lack of closeness to people. Theyre both loners because of their social status and their fucked up home life. Theyre both providers - nat the hunter, bringer of physical and real food like the deer. Lottie the prophet, bringer of hope and, through the teams eyes, the birds, the bear, etc. Lottie who begs to be a martyr but is denied nat who runs from it but shoulders it anyways. They're both bleeding hearts they both give soul to the team and are some of the most genuine characters but they present it so differently.

The fact that the majority of content grossly mischaracterizes them and is the widely accepted fanon just.. sucks tbh. and the fact that people get so up in arms about them, and literally attack fans of other characters (lottielee fans... travis fans....) for no reason?? all these other characters do is contribute to what makes lottienat such a compelling and fucked up and interesting ship. i love them so much but lwk most of yall are insane and dont even appreciate them for what they really are.

thoughts questions comments concerns hmu

[sn0wp1anets]

observations about joel (mostly speech stuff) and interactions with others bc ive been hyperfixated since the beginning of time (also theres alot of bs commentary im sorry)

general stuff:

very very british like extremely british

'bloody' and 'blooming' ALOT - when he's annoyed or shocked or offended (im gonna call this his pseudo swearing for the rest of this for convenience)

instead of very he says 'well' sometimes (e.g. "this bloody pico park music is well annoying) and "absolutely"

instead of really he says 'proper' sometimes so "stress is proper northern" etc

instead of 'i haven't' he says "i've not"

he gives an explanation for basically everything he does and instead of because he says 'as' alot

'to be honest' "i bloody hate woodwork to be honest" (sometimes he says 'to be honest with you' too)

'innit' occasionally "it's like waterslide innit"

'like so'

'by the look of it'

he gets irritated really easily - "for goodness sake" and he'll start cutting himself off alot "this bloody-" and also his voice gets much more high pitched and his pseudo swearing gets way more frequent. also 'blooming heck'

(and also this isn't super relevant but when he gets mad all his friends start commenting on it and its the funniest thing- in the overcooked stream as soon as he starts getting annoyed everyones like 'oh here he is')

i didn't know if i should put this in a specific section but he says 'babe' alot - not just to lizzie but to jimmy like ALOT and also in general - i'll talk about this a bit more later tho !

pauses alot: in between words/phrases, and also before he answers questions (this is not as often but also if he wants someone to stop him- he was playing scrabble and was basically asking if someone could spell out vagina so he was slowly going 'and a g....and an i...and a n...' etcetc idk this isnt relevant i just thought it was worth mentioning)

he's kinda an oversharer 😭 ? (this is lh hes 31 im sure he shares what he thinks is appropriate) but at any given moment he starts giving details about his life- a kinda memorable example of this is in mcc26(?) when w*lbur made fun of his accent so he started telling a story about his grandfather and giving alot of details about him after he said he couldnt talk too much about it AND grian begged him to stop

repeats things (especially when he's annoyed) : "game's a bloody joke. game's a bloody joke"

he basically never says 'oh my god' its always 'oh my gosh' or 'oh gosh' sometimes its 'oh jesus'

his voice is generally higher pitched and more expressive in videos than in streams but this is more of a general cc thing than a specific joel thing

very confident in his builds (AS HE SHOULD BE !!!) and he'll share his thoughts alot : "i think it's come together really well" "lovely" "i'm really happy with it/with how it's turned out" etcetc

when he narrates he uses a mixture of 'I' and 'We'. what i've noticed is he uses I for his thoughts ("i feel like" "i think") and we for everything else ("we need" "we're quite high in the sky" etc)

'genuinely'

'what (are) you on about'

'what the heck'

he will say very random (kind of odd) things just out of nowhere as if its normal and he'll only realize it's weird when someone questions it? e.g. the mumbo trauma dumping bit in SL, or in one of jimmy's streams he said 'until i get back to the hotel if yk what i mean' and jimmys like 'i dont' and joel just goes 'idk either'

accent stuff:

it's really recognizable idk what to say

very northern: hes from yorkshire - his accent used to be stronger in his old videos but you can definitely still hear it (like its still super different from grian or like mumbo idk)

his 'th' sounds come out as 'f' (idk if this is an accent thing or a joel thing but he's talked about it and said his family members have it too)

again not sure if this is an accent or joel thing but when he says any word with 'con' he says it kinda differently- it's hard to describe but for example when most people say convention the 'on' sound is more like a 'un' sound? whereas with joel its very much an 'o' sound like in 'box' or 'coffee' (genuinely have no idea how else to explain it but in phonetic symbols- joel essentially never says /ʌ/ it's almost always /ɒ/ when its a 'con' word)

jimmy-

NICKNAMES !!! 'jim' is used alot - more than anyone else and one of the only people who calls him this. hes used 'mr neutron' too (idk how many times'

(he also doesnt actually say tim/timmy often and when he does its exclusively when grian is present)

typical british male friendship nicknames: 'lad' 'big man'

when he joins jimmy's stream he always says hi in a very dramatic way?? usually with a pretty deep voice (idk this is just something i noticed)

he calls him a loser alot?

(this might be more of a bad boys point) but joel is generally not that mean to jimmy? definitely he's meaner than he was a few years ago but that makes sense because they weren't as close but. he'll call him a loser and stupid/idiot sometimes but his main 'bullying jimmy' momentsare usually always when he's with someone else (usually grian, sometimes fwhip)

'what are you doing jimmy' or sometimes 'what are you doing with your life'

lizzie:

'babe' like all the time. once lizzie mentioned that they don't even really use each other's names alot because they just say 'babe' all the time

oli:

ok so joel really doesn't use that much like modern internet language but oli does and then joel will pick up on it (its cute but also horrifying sometimes)- he kept saying 'dogs' in reference to feet after oli said it

they flirt alot but differently to how he does with jimmy (hes more passive whereas with jimmy he initiates it more idk how else to describe it)

he calls him 'man' sometimes

he's also really giggly around oli theyre adorable

(tbh theres so much more to say about oli and lizzie but idk if i have the energy and time for like 10+ years of interactions rn - and honestly alot more for everyone else too but like.)

grian:

in general joel picks up on people's energy etc and mimics it alot but it happens so much with grian specifically - this sounds very weird but the more time he spends with grian in one go the more he starts to act like grian (especially with interactions with jimmy)

[saccharinemeat]

hi! VERY strong anti here. trying to be civil. just genuinely asking, why do you like proships. genuinely. why. what makes them so good to you? to me, they, well, make me feel nauseous and gross. sometimes even violated depending on what it is. what about these, honestly, gross ships is so good to you? what makes you think they're good? i'm not looking for an argument. just,, answers.

Alright, I'll answer in good faith here, because i really appreciate not picking a fight or an argument

First off, please, don't say , "you like proships" proship doesn't mean "problematic ships", it means "pro" (as in favor of) shipping, that is to say, it's an anti harassment stance on letting people do whatever they want, based off the old fandom saying "ship and let ship"

you dont need to like problematic ships to be proship, you just need to be against harassment of people who enjoy darker or more 'edgy' media, and that's it

As for you question in itself, it's complicated, some problematic ships i enjoy stem from my own trauma and family issues, particularly my abusive mother. Reading and making content with parental incest gives me comfort through the fact that its an inconditional , codependent love. In fiction it feels comforting, but i know reality is way different first hand.

For age gap ships, theres a whole aspect about having someone take care of you, and also again, love regardless of situation, plus there is self insertion as it makes me think of back when i was a teen and had crushes on older people. I couldn't act on them, and I knew that any adult willing to date a child is no good. But within fiction,you can write about it and it would be harmless, generally speaking

For dead dove or more problematic stuff,such as abusive relationships, theres again the desire for love no matter what, and the situations those develop in, are usually trauma bonding for the involved characters

Now, these are not the ONLY reasons i enjoy such ships. There's also the aspect that i just like some of them aesthetically, or i see their chemistry in a romantic light, Or i have a streak of sadism towards a certain character.

Another reason is the potential for interesting fan content, particularly fanfiction, wholesome ships are sweet and cute and can be hot even, but it's all very by the book. The exploration of their emotions, thoughts and actions in messed up situations is more interesting to me

For sibling incest particularly, i just feel that they're usually developed in such a way that it can easily be seen as romantic, since we spend so much time with them, and seeing them fight and bond and laugh and promise to be together, that it just clicks different

and, It's understandable that you feel nauseated and grossed out by a lot of these, in fact, there are problematic ships and tropes i hate and despise, despite the fact that i love other messed up content for example

- I hate bully/victim ships

- I hate uncle/niece ships

- I hate cheating stories

- I hate forced feminization

- I dislike enemies to lovers

- I dislike anything involving characters I consider too young

- I dislike vomit and sick fic

a lot of people love these! but i dont! some of them make my skin crawl! but i dont go and yell at them, i dont comment on their things, I just block them and move on, and focus on the stuff i DO like ,which is what i generally suggest

Fictional exploration of darker stories is okay, and generally harmless. I know the argument that it can be used to groom people, but truly, that's not the fault of the content or its creator, the blame is fully on the groomer.

Also, if we started banning or bashing things that can be used to groom others, we'd have to ban stuff like plushies, candy, adult collectionists of cartoon merch, comics, books,etc etc

ANYTHING can be used to groom a person, if there's a groomer targeting them. nothing is safe if there's an actual pro contact pedophile with the intention to groom a child. The only way to prevent these things is to be taught about them, and to learn to not take life advice from fanfiction, which should be a given.

Like seriously, think about it. let's see, a safe hobby, non fandom related....

okay, imagine theres a minor who's very interested in learning about history and historical maps of the world.

This kid joins an unsupervised group online, and talks about wanting to make friends, and does make some nice, age appropriate friends

They feel generally safe online

Then,a groomer targets them, befriends them and brings up the fact that they collect maps, and they love history just like the kid.

then moves into talking about 'old customs' and starts planting the idea that old societies were in the right about child marriage and so on, until they actually gets what they want, and commits a crime.

The groomer didn't need a fanfic to convince the kid

they just needed to manipulate the child into trusting them, using whatever the kid liked.

who do you think it's at fault here?

the kid? the history book? the group? the internet? Nope.

It's the groomer's fault for targeting the child

and it's the parent's fault for not teaching online safety to their kid.

[poughkeepsies]

so like the thing for me is I love bi buck. like hes truly living his best life and I hope he keeps getting to be happy and oliver is truly killing it and I love the first kiss scene. for me its just like... now why am I supposed to care about bucktommy specifically at all. its like tommy is hovering slightly above ali relevancy but below abby or taylor relevancy. and actually I think this episode was a good step for them but like... I want more if I'm supposed to root for their relationship to succeed. we dont even really know why tommy is interested in buck. not to mention tommy never really showed development from the begins episodes it was all just implied? In general I think theres an opportunity to do more there that just hasnt been used (also outside the show lou's cameos and the weird fetishy fans that are only watching for bucktommy dont help lol)

I mean I don't really have an answer for why you should care about or like bucktommy specifically to be honest. you fuck with them or you don't (though. relevancy is certainly a Peculiar way to rank buck's love interests? personally I think the fact that tommy shows this much genuine interest in buck should set him above taylor and abby but I'm not here to play categories) but to your other points -

yeah I have no clue what you mean by why tommy is interested in buck. never has any couple on this show sat down at the beginning of their relationship and read out a list of what traits attract them to each other to the audience. why does any other character in this show like buck? considering they've all seen him at his best and his worst I would assume it's because they know him in all his shades and love him for it. I can't be sure though, none of them have ever sat down to tell me. considering tommy has ALSO seen buck at some of his worst behavior, I'd assume it's because he's looked under the armor and liked what he's seen too.

continuing on this theme, I'm ALSO confused by what you mean by his development is implied. of course it would be. before this season he was barely a side character. the story wasn't about him, why would they waste the other characters begins episodes on developing HIM. not to mention they still do manage to do a fair bit of that just by showing you how he's changed. also, considering he was just reintroduced THIS season (and THIS THIS season of all seasons. 30 high stakes storylines packed in each episode of an already shortened season season) I think it's a bit ridiculous to expect them to have done more with his character and this relationship than they've already managed to do. I don't know how long he's staying or how much more we're gonna get but that there's so much opportunity for more as you say is WHY this storyline is so enjoyable to so many people

and describing everyone who joined the fandom because of bucktommy fetishy is certainly. A Choice. that you are making right now. that I can easily call out for being a very homophobic one at that. BUT I will choose to give you the benefit of a doubt and assume you're only talking about those new fans who discredit henren and michael having been here from the very beginning to consider bucktommy as the only queer rep this show has done. at which point I would just point out that I can understand that but frankly buddie fans would have been and probably will be even more insufferable in this respect so I don't see how that's a bucktommy issue

my overall review: you're asking the wrong questions bud. it's fine if you don't like them!! it's fine if you like them well enough but don't really care!! it's fine if you think you could like them if they do it right!! just enjoy what you enjoy and ignore the rest but these are not valid Concerns about bucktommy. To Me. sorry

[magnolia-sunrise]

i was wondering like. at what specific point could wolfgang be sure that bastien likes them afterall. i think iirc you might have mentioned they propositioned him pretty early on and kept a sense of intrigue anyways, i guess this could be a really specific moment in time? what signal made them go 'wait a minute this guy is into me afterall'

second specific question u mentioned wolf would have been in other relationships during these many years they spent w bastien. i guess these are multiple questions, would wolfs other partners notice that theyre somewhere else with their mind? would bastien be jealous or sad or just resign hinself to it? would wolf want for bastien to be jealous or is it more like. happenstance. does this make sense asking like this??

ahh thank you so much for sending this! it is a rare treat to be able to talk about this backstory stuff a bit more <3

lets see, first question, to start off i wrote out a sort of timeline of their acquaintance over 8 years in this post . you remember right, Wolfgang propositions him when they actually get to meet for the second time and talk for a while. they can tell he is kind and selfless in a way that many humans aren't, and also, more importantly, he's hot (and he did save their life and they're very grateful). Bastien politely declines as he's in a comitted relationship with Matteo at that point already (and still very much in love with him), but its fair to say theres a lot of mutual physical attraction, and it's very fun for Wolfgang to flirt with him and tease him through the years as they grow closer.

Bastien falls in love first, but he's also become very good at hiding those feelings and putting them away into a drawer somewhere far away in his heart. iirc i haven't talked about what would've been *The* moment for Wolf - they have an affection for him, but i think it takes them a few months to catch up on the fact there's something more, that his touch is softer, more tender perhaps.

but there is this event that happens early on when the actual story would kick off, around year 7/8 of them knowing each other, when they witness something really gruesome and in their attempt to follow the perpetrators they get hurt, but its significantly worse on their mental state - they can't unsee the things they saw and they grieve the lives they could've saved if they were faster. in that state they drag themself to the clinic late in the night and only Bastien is there. he takes care of their wounds as usual, except nothing is really 'as usual' anymore, and they can't stop sobbing through it. it's probably the most vulnerable they've ever been with him at that point. Bastien doesn't come home that night, he stays with them and holds them without asking questions. he knows he shouldn't but he can't bear to send them away. from that time i think Wolf finally understood just how much Bastien loves them, even though he tries to hide it. (he is even so good at hiding it that Élise tries to talk some sense into Wolfgang and that they shouldn't pine after him because it's a lost cause)

second question -- this is a bit tricky because its my fault for being the unreliable narrator here who hyperfixates on the "main love interest" in Bastien, without showing much of other people in either of their lives. in the early years, Bastien is not necessarily the most important person in their life at all - he's intriguing, sure, and he's attractive and they become genuine friends but that takes years, and Wolfgang knows other interesting and hot people they fuck and date in the meantime. one of their previous partners they actually meet at the clinic (another android patient). they also maintain a kind of fun friends with paid benefits relationship with Élise. so i would say they very much pay their full attention to whoever they're with, and their primary intent is definitely not concerned with thinking about what Bastien might feel about it. at least initially.

does Bastien feel jealous? oh yes, even though i don't think he would be able to identify that emotion correctly. more than once he sees them making out with someone or other in the alley behind the clinic and he can't help but feel - well - he gets angry at himself mostly, full of jealousy and envy, and then pushes it all down. he probably thinks he deserves to feel miserable and guilty.

when they get to the point they're both aware of their mutual feelings, Wolfgang doesn't really even have time to pursue any relationships. at most they fuck their friends, but the emotional mess that's between them and Bastien just keeps getting messier and more desperate, and they don't want to seriously involve anyone else in it. it's bad enough that Bastien still lives and sleeps with Matteo. in a moment of spiteful weakness maybe they would try to make him feel jealous of them sleeping with someone else, but all it does is just make them both more miserable so there's not really a point to it - it wouldn't change Bastien's decision. their worst fear is losing him as a friend, they can't push too much and they can't leave either. so for months they're both trapped in this mutual misery of yearning and lingering touches and things left unsaid until it all boils over

[heroictoonz]

not going to comment on the ramcoa stuff? yeah thought not.

Crazy how I have a life and a job and didn't give a shit to respond to u when I'm busy n only scrolly tumblr idly but since u clearly got a thing for me ill bite cause you also need my opinions reexplained to you like a child

Also I googled ramcoa cause I didn’t know what that word means (i also didnt know what endo meant till like earlier this fuckin year cause everyone was being very loud and annoying about it) and all I got was "RAMCOA is an acronym for Ritual Abuse, Mind Control, and Organized Abuse." which like. what the FUCK are you even talking about mind control? fucking ORGANIZED ABUSE this is like classic cult aligned shit how does this even relevant to endos and that stuff. please tell me this is a word or acronym for something else that google isnt telling me cause just genuinely huh

listen i took a look at the link u sent i dont wanna post that cause i dont want ppl harassing others on the internet like you seem to want but just for the love of fuck listen to me for two seconds like honest to god read my words and let them sink in

the post you sent me i have literally no context for to me it looks like a shit post. ive made jokes like that before and i need to reiterate that they are JOKES and i am NOT ENDO and i say shit for goofs cause to me and my friends its funny. whether it is or is not a joke is, honestly, not my business. I dont know that person personally i dont know their life i dont know their story so i dont set it as my mission to find people i dont agree with and flip my shit at them. again. life. job. no interest. im 24 and literally not my job to babysit other ppl on the internet i block who i dont like follow who i do and live on w my life (which. highly recommended for all. you too Chuck. makes life so much more livable)

in regards to ur stuff about misinformation the way I see it is people will spread bullshit about just about every topic under the sun. it is, once again, not my job to go around "um actually" everything on the internet. if someone asks me a question i answer if someone im directly talking to has wrong information i try to correct them

When it comes to a lot of people, however, not many of them want to change their minds on things. sometimes some people arent even at a point of their life to be open minded and listen. which, im not gonna stress myself out to correct someone else. Even i had a point in my life where i was so hardheaded and full of hate (it was a weird cringe culture group i was in and didnt think for myself and honestly i caused a lot of damage in that time of my life and even now I regret it. But man thats life. And like if i try to correct and if they dont listen i go okay and dip after a point (which, for you. is prob gonna be here. cause im gonna say all my thoughts here and be done with this conversation honestly also work is suuuuuper busy rn like fr wish me luck w this summer season sobs) theres a part of me that hopes you will either see reason with this reply and chill out or you will continue to disagree with me but at least for both of our sanity stop messaging me either way i wont be replying again to you just so you are aware

now im just gonna be so fucking blunt here. do i believe endo is a thing? (ie: people can be systems without trauma) honestly? i dont know! here is how i see it; im not a medical professional. I have an interest in psychology i have a copy of the dsm5 cause im a nerd (its with my law books. again. im a nerd.) but im no scientist. at the same time; i dont really trust medical professionals all that much? i would like to. really i would. but it always feels like so many of them dont take the time to actually try with diagnosis. too many people of color or fat people and shit like that always say that they are constantly misdiagnosed or ignored due to predigests. again, because i was born a girl i was never diagnosed properly when i was a kid. this happened twice actually! and even then ive had to deal with doctors and therapists who dont believe me even WITH a formal diagnosis to my name. ive had a therapist tell me that i DIDNT have bpd because i was, in her words, "too nice" and she refused to start me on cbd insisting the doctor was wrong. its scary as fuck honestly. plus, like i said in the last post, mental health is so under researched. which is also so scary to me. theres so much that doctors dont know. that WE dont know. theres so much that doctors get wrong. sometimes cause theyre only human and sometimes cause they willfully ignore patients.

so, the way i see it, is that maybe you can have a system without trauma or maybe you cant. i dont know personally and where i stand i dont know how much credit i would put to research done on a mental disability that is still to this day so disgustingly stigmatized and viewed as dangerous or scary. ive seen split. i know david haller (i like david haller but also every time i think about the live action show or how they really treat him as a character i sob in my little heart every fuckin day man fr) so to me i chalk it up to 'fuck if i know' and move on.

The other thing is that since i personally am not an endo in my head i also have no evidence to form a hard opinion on this at all. Again, my system DID come from trauma. In fact, for most of the system mates i can pinpoint exactly which traumas and/or parts of my life they came from (some i dont but i am also pretty sure im missing a very large chunk of my middle school memories so who the fuck knows) but honestly. if you have a hard opinion on the yes or no here thats fine youre intitled to your own opinion ig

but you shouldnt harass people on the internet or accuse them of being fake. this is what my problem is with anti-endos.

This has also been my like, whole side of this conversation. Which is why im really begging you to listen and read my words cause i very much think you are reading me wrong here. I literally couldnt give less of a shit about your personal opinion on this kinda stuff. Like i dont know you were not friends you’re a random anon on the internet. You disagreeing with me does not phase me one bit. I clearly have stuff to say but thats just cause i talk a lot and like to share my thoughts more than anything else. Honestly. You can send me a like one sentence question and ill accidentally reply with an essay. Have you SEEN the rants ive been on lmaooo

What does frustrate me, is that you feel the need to harass people and accuse people of faking stuff for attention with NO fucking thought. When you sent your first anon i can only assume its cause i reblogged my friend Wendy’s post about endos and syscourse (i hate syscourse so much but MAN that is a good fucking play on words it almost makes me mad lol) you asked if i had did/osdd and i said yes and you IMMEDIATELY went into my asks and accused me of being 1) an endo and 2) faking for attention despite that neither of those can be inferred by my answer especially when i 1) never once said I WAS endo personally (because. Again. Not) and 2) i specifically explained in my first response (thinking u were just a good natured random) that while, yes, i am a system, i dont talk about it very openly or much at all only vaguely mentioning it here n there on my personal blog when i feel the need or want on a specific topic (like when i made a joke post about being a system and watching RvB and the Meta who is this character that has a buncha AI crammed in his head). If anything, it makes you more fuckin wrong cause me NOT mentioning being a system almost ever shows more to the light that im NOT focusing on wanting attention or shit like that if anything i think i make more jokes about being autistic and trans. Are you gonna accuse me of being fake trans and fake autistic just for attention? Because i talk about it more? No, cause that would make like zero sense. (Unless u want to ig tho honestly i think being called a fake trans would be so funny as anon hate like genuinely that would make me snort i think. Guy who uses he/him and openly talks about having periods and shit like that accused as fake trans rguireghrhuigr)

To me, at least, you have already proven that your ideology is flawed. Your method of pointing out ‘fakes’ and ‘attention seekers’ is just really nonsensical. Either that or you do honestly have the reading comprehension of a five year old. The oooonly reason i could maaaaaybe see you thinking im ‘attention seeking’ is when I vaguely mentioned in the tags of that first post that I had a system specific blog however i also 1) do not advertise it nor did i put the name of it on that post OR ask you to follow it and 2) admitted that its barely ever used. Again, still making no sense to your accusation

And like, honestly, at the end of the day, accusing people you dont know on the internet just by random posts they post or terminology they identify with for being fake is just so, in your own words, gross. You dont know these people’s lives. You dont know what they’ve been through. Again, completely ignoring whether you can or cannot have system without trauma my original long response talked about how the person identifying as endo might actually have trauma and not know/recognize it as such and by harassing them you are only making everything worse for them. You LITERALLY do not know these people. You dont know me and you made that very clear when you were so crushingly wrong about me by literally just the second anon you sent.

As someone who deals with the anxiety and fear that i am secretly a fake and dont know it, not just about being a system but like. A SHIT ton of stuff in my life, it does not help when random fucking people come accusing me of that exact fear. Going back to that therapist who tried to tell me she didnt think i had bpd it took me SO FUCKING LONG to accept i did in fact have bpd after that. And it was fucking painful to deal with mentally. When every sign in the motherfucking book pointed to YES i have this thing but all it took was ONE woman with a degree to tell me i was ‘too nice’ and suddenly my world fell apart. I no longer felt like i had a name to the feelings and thoughts i was suffering from. Dude that shit SUCKS it is SO painful and stressful. Like literally, please, for the love of all that is holy, do not inflict that on others. You might think youre bringing justice in some weird way but theres a higher chance that you are hurting people just as much as you seem to think endos cause hurt.

Now, because i know you SO DESPERATELY wanna know my opinion on the post you sent in the unanswered ask, honestly? I dont know how much i agree with that persons post. Like. Playing in the field of maybe that was an honest to god opinion and not just like a joke they were making, really not sure how i feel about it. In my opinion, i wouldn’t be running around trying to get my brain to spawn in more little fuckers to deal with. But i also have a lot of mixed feelings about being a system and my headmates. For one i dont get along with all of them, and not all of them get along with each other. Shits really annoying and in some extreme cases stressful as fuck. Every time something new pops into existence, I’ll be real, im kinda scared. I dont know how things will once again change or shift. And my head is just a single head. Its one brain that now has to deal with so much going on i get a lot of headaches and dissociate sometimes even in the middle of doing things or talking to people cause shit will just randomly become chaos (tho im sure other mental things attribute to all that too here n there idk) but I wouldn’t say i hate being a system. I also dont think id ever wanna do that like fuse therapy shit and get rid of the others. Both out of a fear of losing myself and a fear of losing some of them. That shit sounds kinda scary to me. And where, yeah theres some that i dont get along with, there are others that i do get along with! And love a lot! I jokingly call some of them my siblings cause a lot of them have been around since i was a little kid (tho ill admit for a while I thought i just had a REALLY strong imagination and that for some reason my imaginary friends kept talking to me even as an adult till i finally realized hm. Maybe this is not the case. Lol) so like ya you’ll never see me honest to god saying ‘man i wish i had MORE random bastards in my head’ but like, thats just me

I’ve met so many systems and a lot of them are different. I’ve met some that WANT to fuse (i dont think thats the word they use for that therapy but i just got home from a stressful 8 hours on The Grind so I can’t think words all too well lol) ive met people that LOVE being a system people who hate it people who are pretty indifferent to it. I’ve met systems who are have a different person fronting every day ive met systems where you almost never see or hear from the others and its just primarily the host that takes charge. So many different people feel differently about the same things. That’s just life. But I am not gonna use ONE post randomly shown to me to 1) make an assumption on someone (especially something as harmful as faking) or 2) as a valid reason to harass them. Especially not when the person showing the post to me has only acted hostile towards me. Like honestly. Genuine tip here, being rude and mean to people is not how you try to change their minds or try to educate them on something. Walking into my house and telling me im the fake hedgehog just cause of one post and one answered ask and then trying to tell me im wrong is like so not the way my guy fr

I’m pretty sure ive said my entire peace on the matter here. So yeah, again if you send me any more anons i wont be answering them. I’m saying this just to try and save you some time and also some peace of mind. Honestly, please block me. Please forget my existence and go live your life. Its honestly worrying how you have now spent like two days in my anons about this shit, like i am not even joking like the joke is over please please please finish reading this, block me, and go watch one of your favorite comfort movies and smile i mean this so seriously

[sillyfairygarden]

:O i noticed ur pinned post says u like shoujuo manga! which ones, if i may ask?

:O hiii i saw this then i fell asleeb,,,, i was stunlocked by the eeby hehe

i dont have a definitive ranking on them but theres SOO many series that were/are like. load-bearing to my formative years…

tsubasa by CLAMP (and most of clamp’s early shoujo entries like angelic layer, cardcaptor sakura, XXXholic) 

vampire knight by matsuri hino..… the people who know me know this. vampire manga. yeah that’s pretty much it. super influenced by style as a tween. i love zero kiryuu !!

othello by satone ikezawa… if you ever wondered where the name thello came from, there’s your answer :D

sailor moon by naoko takeuchi SHES SOO IMPORTANT TO MEE i will admit i enjoy the manga more than the anime, if only because i’ve read it cover to cover 102,000,090 times. the 90’s anime is wonderful though. hashtag moonies rise up

dokuhime by mitsukazu mihara. this one hasn’t been officially translated into english as far as i know but it is SO wonderful. like genuinely if there was one series i’d recommend i would PLEAD for people to read this. its about poison and tragedy and succession but also bittersweet, hopeful, sweet love. its so <keyboard noises>

kamikaze kaitou jeanne by arina tanemura… some of my taste is shoujo trash ok but this one ive owned for over a decade. something about the religious imagery, the hopefulness, the beauty of it… it still lingers with me.

revolutionary girl utena by chiho saito and be-papas. well. glances at tumblr account. i think that one was pretty obvious.

i’m going to hail-mary the rest because im tired of looking up mangaka names, and i want to include them: hana-kimi, kitchen princess, our dreams at dusk, alice 19th, devil’s line, wotakoi, peach girl, say i love you…. ok i think that’s all my brain recalls)

there’s a lot more manga that was like. really important to me and stories that shaped my storytelling hand, but i’ve confined myself to shoujo for the sake of actually answering the question :P

[mekakucityactors]

its a bit confusing of a question sorry, but are the characters for hushush archived anywhere or is there any archive of their story? it seems like theres some thing fleshed out and i genuinely am curious or interested in hearing the full story?

hi there! no worries about your questions. i'm happy to answer anything, no matter how complex or possibly confusing. ^_^ thanks for the asks!

no, there's no archive for them. both the 2019 iteration of hushhush and the current (2023) iteration of hushhush, which is a rewrite, are text campaigns run on discord, so i can't exactly archive it easily. secondly, a big aspect of hushhush is secrecy; the players (which includes grimfantas) don't know what the other players do necessarily, and i am the only person who has all of the knowledge. since the players follow my accounts, i wouldn't want to leak information (even to non-players) that they could see in fear of spoilers. however, this only applies to 2023 hushhush, so i can openly share relevant knowledge from 2019 hushhush.

the general gist of hushhush is that there's this cosmic.. thing called the cycle, which is run by a great oppressive force called the corruption, a representative of all misery, pain and negativity. the cycle is run by the corruption to furthermore feed itself, and it chooses a particular group of people that are destined to suffer as much as they possibly can. two people are chosen from this group to be the maestro and the accomplice, who run the cycle as servants/vessels of the corruption. whatever happens to the rest of the members (called "numbers" colloquially), and how their fates are determined is my little secret :3 the cycle has been running for a very long amount of time and shows no signs of stopping. the hushhush characters you've seen on my girlfriend's blog are mostly from the current cycle which might change things from the seemingly inevitable...

i do not own most of the numbers (karim, augustine, rosamund, parker) but i own everyone else (judas, iscariot, NOVA, isaiah, etc etc etc). the main ones, judas and iscariot, are the only two members of their system (DID): judas has been raised to become the accomplice from birth (which is atypical) and has become very closed off as a result of the constant trauma he's been put through as a result, while iscariot used to wield the mythical black sword apollyon (which parker now uses) and has a mysterious past of his own. they care deeply about eachother. i think an important part that outsiders get confused about is that judas and isca DO NOT see eachother as family but rather some like.. close, emotional bond that simply cant be replicated. i really like them >_<

it's wayyy too much lore to pack into a single ask so if you have any specific questions about the story i will try to answer them if i can! yippeeee!

[cellsshapedlikestars]

hi! I havent been keeping up with fics lately because...life. but i read your new chapter this morning and it was so gripping. and then I commented. and hours later I was like damn I hope I didnt sound demanding. so I go through your comments trying go gauge if I was in fact demanding and I started judging other commenters 😩 I have to ask you: do you ever get annoyed by the tone of comments?

Anyways, theres so many question that need to be answered in the fic! so exciting!!!

An interesting question. The short answer is "yes", but the actual answer is "very rarely"

Please know that every author is different, and I have seen other authors complain about comments that would never bother me. Like people asking for more of something usually doesn't bother me, unless it's demanded or asked in a shitty way. If it's just "oh, I want more!!" I take that as a compliment.

I'm the sort of person who likes to give everyone the benefit of the doubt (to my own detriment, sometimes). I am also aware that tone can get lost in text very easily. So when I get a comment that I'm not sure the tone of, I assume the commenter meant well.

Unless, of course, it's blatantly mean, but those don't necessarily bother me all that much? Mostly it makes me sad cause I'm like... bby, why are you so angry over a free story on the internet? Like I'm genuinely sad for people who are so unhappy in their own lives that they take it out on strangers on the internet over fictional characters, you know? I tend not to respond to these, although sometimes I do when one is particularly annoying, and then I regret it. I know better than to feed those people.

Oh, and sometimes they make me laugh because the person is SO angry. Like the one who got mad on my Jon/Cat fic about how my "anti-military bias oozes all over this". Like yeah buddy. Guess you're new here. Or my favorite comment ever:

(what does this mean? Who knows! I still quote it every once in a while.)

Sometimes comments get under my skin when people fall into POV traps (since I tend to write from a single, limited POV), but I also feel like my irritation is usually with myself - like, was the subtext not clear enough?? Did I not do a good enough job hinting at the non-POV character's motivations??

Oh wait! There are comments that bother me, full stop: I hate when people think they're complimenting my writing/story by putting down other authors/fics (like not specific ones, but in a generic way). Its only happened like 2 or 3 times in the years I've been writing, but I remember them

So basically, I'm pretty easy going lol

(also I went through the comments on my new chapter and none of them in any way bothered me so I literally do not know which one you're referring to haha)

[j7pht]

nvm actually i kind of want to stick around in this tag for just a little while longer now that ive looked around. im going to use the fact i dont use A LOT A LOT of words when im talking to my advantage to talk about some stuff from my perspective in case the tag is read

iz's vn does not use their trauma. i questioned iz when the zine first came out about it and what they said was that the vn was about *them* sexually harassing people on a schoolbus as a teen. it wasnt related to rina's trauma, rina's zine even says that iz did this in case there's disbelief here. the vn itself also as i understand, because i havent looked at it (and dont plan to for a few months, until im 18) is telling a story about abuse that occurred to one of glip's characters. the vn is overwhelmingly more like iz hurting glip, if anything. i voiced that i disliked the premise of the vn from what i was hearing, not because it was about sexual assault feelings-- i think its important art is made about those things-- i just wish it was handled with more tact with regards to rina, because there were similar stories shared between iz and rina in private.

no the twitter banner for glip is not nsfw. i asked. its intimate art, but theres nothing explicit happening, theres no sex. i was told it *was* posted in the nsfw channels but it was there because it could be interpreted that way and glip wanted to be able to talk about their intimate relationship if they wanted, but theres nothing sexual occurring.

i wish that glip making enormous documents of context evidence and perspective wasnt brushed off as "gish galloping". how i personally perceive this is that no one really wants to read it so they just tack on a word because they dont feel its worth reading. from my perspective the reason glip types so much to address their side of things is because the context of what they say gets stripped very frequently and theres a lot of backstory to a lot of incidents. i dont think its fair to go "um why is this so fucking long??????????" when if it was shorter itd be written off faster and probably easier. im personally more comfortable with typing less words, i personally cant see myself making a 50 page document, but its reasonable to me that glip would prefer to do that given kiwifarms stuff and quotes from them being pulled out of context and thrown around as evidence. please just read it or dont.

the floracasts were/will probably continue to be as long as they were because we were having fun talking. there was no script or anything like that, it was just a recorded vc. on the topic of this though i would like to point out; why the fuck is it an issue for me to discuss being uncomfortable with seeing nsfw, or talk about/hear about sexual pain i relate to? i could have misread intention but holy shit. am i not allowed to discuss anything on account of being a minor???? i was not exposed to anything. i was just talking. i didnt like insomniac's playful presentation of cropped porn and i talk briefly about csa and cocsca, later on and probably in a vid that hasnt been uploaded yet.

im currently feeling open to discussion about these things. im willing to ask questions back and forth, i dont feel fear in asking mods or glip about things. despite being very new to the fv servers, i understand some people dont want to speak to people within it privately, that makes sense to me if theres a genuine fear about it being a cult. if you feel afraid then i think its probably a better idea to speak out in the open, genuinely.

[suffarustuffaru]

actually here’s an interesting question that’s been in my head for a hot minute now: what do you think a crusch if/other faction if would look like?

one of my favorite characters has always been crusch (probably my favorite aside from julius?), and interestingly it was the moment after the battle of the white whale that sold her for me- her convo with subaru was so genuine and full of respect and it since then has stood out amongst my favorites since it’s one of the first times subaru outside of the emilia camp was recognized for his decisions ^_^

it also piqued my interest because there’s definitely implications/said somewhere that if subaru met crusch first he’d choose her, which makes me think about how that dynamic would play out, ya know? like we haven’t really gotten a huge expansion on crusch herself as we have with anastasia/pricilla and soon felt

also a crusch: if would toootally have different relationships defining wilhelm & felix too and basically everyone else lol

love ur analyses keep up da good work fam!!!!!!!

YO its cool seeing a crusch fan around :DD !! also thank you very much for liking my analysis posts pfft. also whew….. ive been writing my answer for this ask on and off for a while hah its super long oops wkdndnsn

but ok its super interesting to hear what drew you to crusch in the first place - crusch is a character im definitely interested in (i would LOVE to see her finally expanded upon!!) and shes such a respectable person for sure <3 and you definitely have a point that its one of the first time subaru outside of the emilia camp was recognized!! though i didnt know that there were implications that if subaru met crusch first he'd choose her - i suppose that makes sense in that subaru really respects and likes crusch, and hes such a moldable character - for lack of a better term - bc its sooo easy for him to go in all sorts of different directions. a crusch if is an interesting possibility and im sure it absolutely wouldve happened in some form in some other universe :O !!

alright. as for a crusch if - yeah youre right, thered be such a different dynamic between subaru, the crusch camp, and everyone around them. :o im not Entirely sure how a crusch if would go but i certainly have ideas!!! though im not sure if im entirely an expert on them given i still havent finished the wilhelm-centric ex novels or read many crusch camp stories, but i did read ex 1 and 4 and enjoyed them quite a lot <3 along with you know, the main route. but i do really like the crusch camp and i hope theyre expanded upon eventually.

gonna put More thoughts under the cut (note that i have a Lot of opinions on the crusch camp hah):

ok first of all. i think that the crusch camp Does have a little wasted potential in canon and i think that crusch if is the perfect opportunity to explore Everything with crusch camp. just in the sense that you know, crusch hasnt been expanded upon just yet. not that felt has been expanded upon much either but at least we get a lot of details about her and her whole backstory with being a member of the royal family + her relationship with rom opens itself up to a lot of possibilities (theres a lot of History going around in the felt camp regarding felt, reinhard, carol and grimm, rom, etc being in the same camp given their family connections, demihuman war history, etc).

and not that we Dont get details about crusch of course, but i feel that even in her Own centric content, shes a little overshadowed by Everyone else sometimes. like i WANT to focus more on crusch as a person!! she gets cool moments yeah, but as much as i enjoyed reading ex1 im forever gonna be salty that her plot in ex1 was like about people having problems with her gender expression (ill go into this again later bc i know its connected to that plot point of crusch as a noble leader vs crusch as. a woman.) for more than half the runtime and everyone around her was discussing about what to do with her. and then in main route shes put through the RINGER between being cut down by gluttony, having her memories erased, and the dragon blood in arc 5 - and yet it STILL feels like the story doesnt focus enough on HER own pain. how is SHE feeling about this????? shes getting her shit rocked left and right and her sense of identity is being shaken along with it (see: her becoming more shy and withdrawn after her memories are gone) and yet i feel like we STILL dont hear about her Directly enough T^T

and also i Dont like that in the main route, the crusch camps connections to the royal family (with wilhelm being assigned to aid the royal family and bc of that heinkel was assigned to the white whale and so theresia went in heinkels stead + ferris and crusch's relationships with fourier) ARENT that explored. esp when like felt comes into play publically in arc 3 and the crusch camp BARELY REACTS. YOU THINK THEY WOULD REACT MORE TO FELT BEING HERE AND REINHARD SPONSORING FELT. its especially kind of painful after you read ex1 and its like ?? so why didnt they react more to felt being there??? related to + looking exactly like crusch and ferris's dead boyfriend, nonetheless, esp when their goal is to kill the dragon bc the royal family all died as far as they knew and NOW theres someone in the royal family that actually lived???? whos a rival for the throne now??? also i feel like the potential of like. ferris and wilhelms dynamic isnt explored either. like i have to wonder how they seem like theyre on decent/good terms in canon when ferris is friends with reinhard, wilhelms role in the demihuman war, and also wilhelm fucking up his family (with ferris being Aware of a lot of reinhards family situation, of course). and also of course wilhelm has Things going on with rom and carol and grimm bc demihuman war... ex novel things...

so like i think that inherently the crusch and felt camps ARE kind of sort of intertwined in this way bc of ALL these reasons. so i think if youre exploring crusch camp content all of this SHOULD be acknowledged. or maybe thats the felt camp fan in me talking but i DO GENUINELY THINK THE CRUSCH AND FELT CAMPS ARE CONNECTED A LOT ☝️☝️☝️

and so ok back to crusch if things!!!! i have no idea how the Exact plot goes but like i think this is all very dependent on how the crusch if divergence even starts. which Makes sense but yeah :o i mean i feel like i can only see it happening right from the get go in arc 1. and also this goes with what you said - if subaru met them first he'd probs choose to join them. but tbh i also kinda sort of like the possibility that maybe at least Some of arc 1 still happened in another font so subaru can be like "yeah lol this blond girl with red eyes was there along with this giant dude and t -" and crusch and ferris are thinking "OK IT COULD BE ANY RANDOM GIRL WITH BLOND HAIR AND RED EYES THATS NOT A COMPLETE GUARANTEE ITS SOMEONE FROM THE ROYAL FAMILY RIGHT??" and also wilhelms gonna vaguely go "hey whats this giants name again....." anyway yeah gotta plant those seeds for future plot things???? yes. also its a good segue into subaru learning more crusch camp related history yes. maybe that (subarus arc 1 info) is what allows him to join crusch camp too????? yeah im having trouble brainstorming ideas on how he even joins the camp but im guessing its a “subaru accidentally stumbles across stuff and crusch camp is like well i guess we just Kinda have to let you in……. like taking pity on a stray kitten…… maybe youll be useful… and also we do pity you a bit yeah you seem very lost” thing. 👍👍👍

(or alternatively you could have subaru branch off into crusch camp at arc 3 or smth given hes like actually physically at their place and away from emilia camp now but at the same time i doubt that could even happen given the position he was in arc 3???? like post-royal selection drama?? yeah i dont really see it happening imo HAH)

anyway. yeah so its like. inevitably subaru is gonna figure out you know the history behind all of the others in the crusch camp. like whether thats by doing his own research - especially bc you know wilhelm, crusch, ferris are all very well known by this point and have all kinds of rumors and info on them flying around - and also like. by getting closer with everyone. i think that if subaru joined crusch camp early, either he knows hes got rbd bc of arc 1 and manages to avoid it for a while, is my guess, given crusch camp doesnt get involved in life threatening things until. the white whale.

but until then i think subarus probably not gonna die. and i think hes probs gonna be in Fear of that happening again, maybe he blocks out a bit of arc 1 some more bc ahhaah i havent died or anything in so long so surely that never happened. maybe he tries to tell crusch once he gets closer with her or maybe he doesnt try at all bc hahaha did that even happen???? or maybe he asks her about her dp and if its Only about truths from that persons pov rather than Fact and shes like "yeah no its personal truths only, so even if someone is completely wrong about a fact but Believes it wholeheartedly its still gonna register as the truth" and hes like FUCK ok. smth like that?? yes. gotta give him inner turmoil even when hes not actively in danger. bc he Would have that yes. but either way i think he’d be curious and wanna know the specifics of her dp anyway!!!

yeah so anyway the white whale happens and subarus whole shit gets wrecked oops.... and my guess is that you know hes gonna loop a whole shit ton of times and its gonna be complete and utter hell for him. but also this is kind of a little bit dependent on how exactly the royal selection goes for him - but i HIGHLY doubt itd go the same as canon. i doubt he’d even make a scene, tbh—i mean assuming subaru joins crusch camp very early somehow, between crusch and ferris and wilhelm the three of them are gonna Really whip him into shape. metaphorically beat his s1 flaws out of him. bc like—i mean in canon subaru Did learn and grow yes, but he didnt Have to learn everything so harshly (ok but canon subaru Did have to get beat in the duel though or he wouldve died skcbsnd but i still think that subaru can still learn the same lessons more Gently whenever possible. hes a normal teenage boy trying his best!!). i think crusch camp would be good for him in this way, i mean crusch is a very duty-focused person and ferris and wilhelm are blunt people. ferris especially is not gonna take any bullshit wkdndnd (ESPECIALLY when subaru could humiliate crusch and the entire camp) and wilhelm sees himself in subaru and is gonna go “ah…….. you should. not act like that. let me train you.” and ALSO im a firm believer and enjoyer in the reinhard-ferris-julius friendship and i think that reinhard ESPECIALLY must have communicated with crusch camp about felt before arc 3, otherwise crusch camp wouldve had a stronger reaction to felts grand entrance into the royal selection. also if subarus getting closer to crusch camp then of course he figures out stuff like the reinhard-ferris-julius friendship.

again not entirely sure about specific plot beats but depending on how things go emilia camp may or may not get royally fucked (as an emilia camp enjoyer im very saddened by this 😔) but i DO feel like subaru would still be sympathetic towards them in a crusch if. and also theres Definitely gonna be at least one loop during arc 3 where the white whale Does erase crusch and wilhelm and ferris goes insane (like how they end up in pride if. yeah.) so subaru gets to see the consequences if they lose to the white whale. but i DO think that the final loop should still have the consequences of crusch being targeted by gluttony and losing her memories. its interesting to explore!!! especially if subaru himself still becomes a victim of gluttony in some way—maybe they both become victims of gluttony there?? or it happens to subaru later?? and i feel like arc 5 is Definitely another opportunity for some crazy looping. for sure.

also roswaal may want to try some shit bc Why is subaru in another camp this is not according to plan. so more opportunities to torture subaru 👍👍👍 and also crusch camp in canon keeps taking one L after another so you know. familiar territory in terms of how subaru and co are doing 😭😭😭😭

but anyway. i think a crusch camp and felt camp alliance (or Almost alliance?) is in order bc. well we know subaru he tries to fix things. hes nosy. he learns eventually All the crusch camp history and is like ok so why arent we allies with felt camp at least for rn??? like urging wilhelm to make it up with reinhard and such, etc etc. and crusch and felt are the candidates that are both Very deeply unsatisfied with the current system of lugunica and want to remake everything to be better!! and also like. how does ferris even feel about wilhelm. i lowkey want crusch if to have a plot beat where ferris-crusch-subaru metaphorically beat up wilhelm for being Terrible. actually scratch lowkey i want highkey. and i think crusch is just like yeah sorry i do respect you in a lot of ways wilhelm and youre a very key member in our camp and i appreciate it but also fighting against demihumans in the demihuman war + being awful to your family was definitely. 😬 ESPECIALLY since she grew up with ferris too okay. she and her dad literally took in ferris after being stuck in a basement for the first nine years of his life. and while ferris and reinhards family situations are Very Different, the common thread is generational trauma and Passed Down abilities/traits that also relate to the trauma so. i feel like ferris at Least has some secret strong feelings about wilhelm ok i dont care what tappei has to say on this (actually i do care but i will care less if tappei has a bad take on this bc ferris and reinhard are FRIENDS + WILHELM WAS WRONG FOR THE DEMIHUMAN WAR ok ferris was horribly abused also bc of fantasy racism).

and alright ok im gonna talk about some more crusch-ferris-subaru dynamics bc subaru and wilhelm are most likely gonna fall into their weird grandson-grandfather dynamic again. especially now that subarus in crusch camp.

so—gender expression. the way crusch-ferris-subaru dress and their relationships with this part of their identities. personally i hc all three of them as nonbinary but of course u can have different hcs/opinions than me :o either way though, gender expression is Very important to all three of them and its given focus in the plot multiple times so im gonna try to examine how its handled in canon a bit!! theres this one bit from the arc 5 wn that i think about a lot:

so you know, subaru has his internalized issues, toxic masculinity for one, so hes struggling with like. being a man but also like he genuinely enjoys crossdressing but also hes been judged for it in the past and he has?? complicated feelings on it. hes struggling with his identity and who he is in many many different ways and gender is one key aspect of it. and then he comes along and crusch and ferris BASICALLY challenge him and his internalized ideas on it—crusch being a woman who dresses more masculine and ferris being a man who dresses more feminine. they challenge even the fantasy world’s society too—crusch more so, bc shes a woman and in the public eye due to her family and shes expected to dress and behave the way a noblewoman should. more feminine. but she refuses which is a point of contention in ex1 of course…

ferris seems to get less scrutiny from the public on this (at least for This exact reason, we only see subaru iirc judge him for it on screen) but my guess is bc he 1. can easily pass as a girl and 2. he has other more Noticeable traits to the public (having the Blue title and being demihuman for example). but also theres another aspect to ferris and its that he also dresses femininely to represent “the feminine side crusch lacks” iirc…. which. to be quite frank thats. that feels a little odd to me but anyway im gonna choose to look into it a bit regardless bc i think it could potentially be interesting maybe?? but also the fourier-crusch duel in ex1 already felt off to me wkfndnd it was such a fun scene but like??? why are we policing what crusch wants to wear??? but. anyway.

so about ferris being “the feminine side crusch lacks”……. ferris and crusch's gender expression are completely opposite, ferris being feminine of course and crusch being masculine. ferris and crusch are very much like each others equal halves in canon - you dont find one without the other, theyre basically a pair (especially given they fit together into this perfect trio with fourier and now fouriers gone :(( ). ferris and crusch balance each other out in a lot of ways, especially given ferris's mischevious yet perceptive personality and crusch being more serious but a bit airheaded with emotional matters. and also both of them being more blunt honest people. so like their gender expression balances each other out bc theyre opposites. ferris wants to keep balancing out crusch, whos so focused on duty that her needs and her desires and emotions sometimes go by the wayside (id personally attribute at least a tiny bit of her airheadedness with emotions to this too - when you have so much responsibilities to attend to, your emotions often take a backseat. especially when you take into account people judging crusch for how she expresses herself....).

but also ferris does note that "because crusch-sama said this suits ferris, what i am, i am, and this most suits the radiance of ferris' soul. crusch-samas words, ferris will repay with everything that i am". im gonna interpret this as crusch recognizing that ferris truly likes to express his appearance in a feminine way and providing ferris with the means and support to do so, especially since crusch herself growing up also prefers to express herself as opposite to her biological sex and also bc crusch and her family took in ferris so they grew up together. which i think is very sweet <3

and also more regarding crusch, in canon she expresses herself more femininely after getting her memories wiped by gluttony........... i think there might (emphasis on Might) be vaguely a kind of "feminine=weak and masculine=strong thats why crusch goes back to being feminine after memories gone" undertone if you choose to see it that way but im Electing to ignore it. i think crusch's change in expression post-gluttony though like emphasizes how her identity gets shaken after her memories are erased. she was a confident person before and now shes more timid and withdrawn bc she isnt sure of herself or her abilities anymore :(( which is definitely smth that should be explored in Any crusch camp centric content, i think.

anyway. yeah also i def think the ferris-crusch-subaru gender things should be explored. its already briefly touched on in canon with stuff like that arc 5 wn snippet i shared, but i do think subaru being friends with ferris and crusch will help him with confidence regarding how he likes to express himself as well. which i think would be very sweet to explore <3 (sorry this briefly derailed into a ferris-crusch-subaru gender expression analysis but this part of their characters is important i feel aljdlfjsldfj and its SUCH good parallel between them)

as for general dynamics stuff between the three of them. i think ferris is on the fence about subaru at first and goes from "hes an idiot..." to "hes an idiot <3" i have no specific thoughts on this at the moment thats just the vibe thats probably happening. maybe a bit of the same with crusch but yes im sure crusch and ferris of course grow to respect subaru, and im sure they notice pretty quick that subaru wears his emotions on his sleeve. hes an honest person in almost all things, or at least he tries to be, unless hes being held at gunpoint to keep things secret bc rbd lajdlfjl. and we Know subaru is a very respectable person whos Really good at heart, he just had all these hurdles to get through. and also - subaru is a tiny bit similar to fourier in terms of like Loud, Passionate, Determined, kind of an idiot in a few ways but a Lovable one, that sort of thing. of course ferris and crusch are VERY MUCH not going to be replacing fourier. absolutely not they would never in a million years. but fourier like Really fit in with ferris and crusch bc of the three of them having different personality traits, so i think subaru would fit well with ferris and crusch for similar reasons. if that makes sense. the energies just match up. ferris and subaru particularly bring a lot of fun and lightheartedness and ease weight on crusch’s shoulders, crusch supports them both, and all three of them reel each other in in different ways <3

ok also regarding any romance............ personally i dont see the appeal of crusch x subaru but thats just me lajsdlfjls and also my heart got stolen by fourier x ferris x crusch oops. plus i do enjoy the ferris and subaru + subaru and crusch friendship possibilities. but if anyones reading this and is a fan of crusch x subaru feel free to send me propaganda for it bc im very curious as to what makes you really like the ship <3

yeah so anyway. this has been my extremely long explanation as to how crusch if could maybe go and also all sorts of stuff id love to see explored when it comes to crusch if or crusch camp centered content in general <3 its hard to tell how a crusch if would go further down the line bc you know, the more that changes from main route the more things go Different, but i think its fascinating to think about. hope this kind of answered your question op? :O :D !!

ok but as for other camps. i have absolutely no clue how itd go but ana camp would Definitely have to involve subaru trying to invent things that carry on from earth and such and felt camp Absolutely involves more trying to solve more astrea drama. no specific thoughts on this yet (ALSO I STILL HAVENT CAUGHT UP ON ANA CAMP SIDE STORIES... ONE DAY. I SWEAR.) but you know, lots of interesting possibilities here!! :O

[unrealblacklightvirus]

Oh my phrasing was quite bad there, as it's mostly digging through old fics and stumbling across lost stuff. more halfassed fandom archaeology than comprehensive archive scrolling.

Basically i stumbled across the largely defunct prototype kinkmeme on livejournal, and saw someone mentioning a deleted fic by saeto15.

(I always forget abt kinkmemes when reading stuff from older fandoms, esp smaller ones since those can be quite limited in stuff uploaded to newer sites like ao3. though I wasnt really around during the livejournal days so... surprising amount of gen and joke fics on there honestly, a real timecapsule of early 2010s fandom humor)

later stumbled across the more general (though smaller) fic community on there, and noticed his account was a moderator... and also completely nuked (side note, but theres other fics on there as well that cant be accessed due to the OPs locking their posts to friends only, and i desperately want to knock on their door for access bc my curiosity knows no bounds)

did some general namesearching and noticed he's still around, presently hanging out mostly in the zelda and vulture culture communities lately.

managed to get into contact with him through his tumblr, asking if hes concidered reposting his old and deleted fics to ao3, and he is! they're just trapped on an old busted up harddrive, so he has to get that checked out to see if anything can be recovered from it.

in the meantime i'd been doing some more digging, having the common sense to just put prototype after his username this time, and noticed 2 things. 1: from what ive gathered he was pretty prolific for early 2010s prototype fandom, between moderating the fic community on LJ, mentions of his name popping up on the kinkmeme, and even seeing his name popup on the gamefaqs forums.

but more importantly for where this story is going is 2: an article on fanlore mentioning a prototype fanwork forum he helped start called Viral Mutants Anonymous.

another one two with this one,

1: since the forum started on fanfiction, i now had a direct link to his old FF account. turns out the reason i couldnt find it was bc it just doesn't have the 15 at the end, it's just Saeto. it's got some fics and favourites on it, including that one fic someone back on the kinkmeme was looking for, hidden away at the second chapter of a drabble collection (the fic in question is Touch. its gen and honestly really good and makes me feel emotions) i mentioned this to saeto, as it meant at least some things were confirmed to be saved even if the harddrive recovery went up in flames. though he did confirm my suspicion that not all the prototype fics he wrote were posted to FF. and most likely, the place they WERE uploaded to was...

2: the forum. theres 3 links for this thing on fanlore: the original FF forum which is still up, a shortlived one on createforum that was quickly abandoned due to site instability, and a phpbb forum, which was known to be up as late as may 2019, but has since died for reasons im unsure of.

the createforum version only has 2 archives on the wayback machine that i can access, which genuinely show nothing but how many people were online at the time

the phpbb link has more stuff archived, havent clicked around too much yet, but i do know the fic and art threads have sadly never been archived, and all ive got to work off of so far is some topic titles and forum layout, though i do want to do more digging.

and that leaves us where we are right now. i do have some more things i want to dig into. one is the forum on fanfiction, as i havent really dug around that too thoroughly. as well as scouring for more archived pages on the phpbb forum.

theres also the 4chan thread mentioned on the intro to the kinkmeme, which seems to be its precursor. hesitant as i am to touch 4chan with anything more than a 10ft pole, and honestly not even knowing where to start since im wholly unfamiliar with the site structure as a result, im curious as to what got uploaded there, as it HAD to be 2009 ish given the date the kinkmeme started, making it early early days.

along with that i still want to message some users from the livejournal prototype fic board to politely ask to see their old stuff. i've started digging through the internet archive and am concidering touching 4chan in my quest for knowledge at this point, so i might as well gather up the courage to message people at this point.

but yeah, thats what my dig has amounted to. an early 2010s fandom rabbithole of deleted fics and art that i stumbled across entirely bc i got bored and felt like perusing to early 2010s hornyposting for shits and giggles like a weird tourist

probably not what you were hoping for, but at least my slow descent into madness mightve been somewhat entertaining

(side note, apologies for my wildly inconsistent punctuation, i am simply vomiting words into your askbox here)

holy shit anon this is incredible. i am far too afraid to contact anyone even if that means I lose out on reading old fics 😭😭😭 but I thoroughly enjoyed reading this! I dont get much activity on here anymore so this was a welcome sight

[noctualagenaria]

2,3,4,5,6,10,11,12,13,14,19,23,25,27,30,31,34,35,36, 37,38,39,41,45,46,49,50,52,53,54,56,61,61,64,65,67,68,69,70,74,75,76,77,80,81,83,84,86,87,89,90,91,94,95,96,99😻

You Asked For It

describe your perfect first date.

-,, im not going to expose my Ideal Realistic perfect first date so ! fictional characters instead; ideal first date would be im traveling through liyue, coming from the direction of mondstadt, i dont have a goal im just on a simple walk, i pass the inn, go inside for a meal then head to the harbor, there on the bridge id run into a beautiful green haired stranger who introduces himself as dr baizhu and thats the instance i Fall Hard for him, then from there we as we establish a relationship and he realises im bad at hiding a crush, we offically get together and over time we head to inazuma as a vacation ( kinda he wants to see if anyones in dire need of assistence there after hearing about the traveler's quest there ) and from there we meet ayato who baizhu notices i have trouble speaking to, bc of the gay panic, baizhu ends up flirting with him first and ayato Doesnt Get it sjhgfs like at all hes so oblivous and i find it adorable and from then i talk to ayato and we get together and he's like oh yeag and baizhus' into me too right and then we talk to baizhu and bam theres three of us now, ayato comes with us as his vacation back to liyue and stays with us for a While-- so long that baizhus like hmm we should go to sumeru so i can talk to this tighnari, so we do but we dont see tighnari first we see a very attractive silver haired man who doesnt notice us, and ayato and baizhu dont notice him that much either, but i do, so i trail off from the two of them, baizhu at first questions me i tell him the truth hes too focused on finding tighnari, so i go on my own , try to approach this guy, he kinda lets me?? ( tbh im unsure id be able to get with him on my own but-- ) in the end we end up together and he slowly joins the other two as well :>

yes ,,, you can see righht through the projecting

guilty pleasure?

-uhhhhhhhhhhh i genuinely dont know sdfsdf

which fictional character archetype do you think fits you best?

-hmm anti-hero? i thinksies?? unsure

what do you think others would consider your most distinguishable physical feature(s)?

-tbh ive no Idea,,, does dyed hair count? bc id say my red hair ( tho it needs to be redyed soon euueu )

what role do you play in your group of friends?

-as much of myself as possible

when was the last time you said something you regretted?

-too often

do you typically remember your dreams if you have them?

-nope not usually tho if i do recall it when waking up ill try to verbalise it to one of my besties

who is your biggest inspiration?

-uhmmmm a lot of ppl im not sure i have one above everyone else

any unusual fears?

-bees? does that count

favorite myth?

-YES. ( mothman )

when was the last time you were truly angry?

-probably last week

best compliment you've ever received?

-i cannot ,, remember,,, unique ones i got tho were "wow your name is so pretty!" which i never got again after coming out sdhgfs

which color of the sky is your favorite?

-red or pink tbh i like the oranges too sometimes mmmm

favorite font?

-comic sans. i do not take criticism

is there anyone you’re not biologically related to that you consider "family"?

-i dont know tbh "family" is too much for me to handle i think

what's your go-to funny story when people ask you to tell one?

-when i was younger in like sixth grade ( maybe younger than that? i dont recall) i had Really long hair and i liked my really long hair a lot so i put it up in the Highest of high ponytails i ever possibly could it was almost but not quite on my forehead at that point.. tbh pretty ugly BUt i had fun-- what i did to my peers was fucking Swing it at them, id flip my hair in their faces and at one point, i was in the cafeteria... i tried flipping my hair at someones face but they were sitting across from me and my face hit teeth first against the table. full disclosure it didnt hurt i jus saw the tooth bits chip off and i was like hmm? what jus happened sdfsdf anyways so that was a big falling domino in why my teeth suck so bad ,,, tldr im stupid as fuck

what's your most controversial opinion?

-live and let live. and i cannot understand how that is controversial.. i do have a lot of Specific Hot Takes tho i feel this ask is already super fucking long so sdfsfd gimme a separate ask with just this question and ill go in depth if u want me to

what's been keeping you up at night lately?

-gay ppl and anxiety... so Gay Ppl

do you have any ocs? if yes, talk about them a little.

-ill talk abt my old genshin ones ! i wanted to make an ayato design from wayyyyy before he was playable and we never Saw him so i wanted a fandesign bc i was unhappy with the other fandesigns i was seeing so i made my own hydro claymore tall guy ! i cannot rememer right now what i named him but since ayatos release i made him fontainian and i might just revamp him soon to fit the rest of the fontaine cast-- anyways he has the personality of the smug cat meme with the knife up to its face sdfsdf thats him

do you believe in extraterrestrial life?

-well theres gotta be Something out there right

how old were you when you joined the internet?

-unoffically (didnt have my own devices) 13, offically (finally got a tablet,,year later a phone) 15? im unsure exactly

what's popular with the people around you that you can't seem to get behind?

-tiktok ,, also like every boring ship ever

what would you consider part of your personal aesthetic?

-red modern vampire doing an accidental good job at blending in at being an Almost Gaymer Boi

do you collect anything?

-pop tabs

would you enjoy being famous?

-only if im also rich

how liberally do you use the block button when browsing social media? does it differ depending on the site?

-it does differ depending on the site yeag, on here i will block any blog with no pfp and no banner and a werid ass name bc thats prolly a bot and even those with the Real Ass Women (emphasis on ass ) pfps get blocked sjghd , on twitter ill block just willy nilly sdfsdf i try not to let twitter tick me off tho i fail so i just,, dont open it as much anymore

if you could travel back to any one point in time, where and why?

-theres too many options i would just ruing myself via the butterfly effect so i just Wouldnt

how many different names do you go by across the internet?

-about 23 tho most commonly only like 4? get used tbh

what’s your type?

-in men? baizhu <3 in women? any that could just Beat My Ass and slay while doing it (yelan) irl im honestly unsure almost none of my partner (exes included) have much in common with each other its devastating really, i just tend to fall in love with my best and most trustworthy friend and if we didnt start out as friends it was never meant to be in the first place

does your favorite movie/game/book from when you were young still hold up in quality?

-the movie not quite, the book id have to give another reread to check

were you raised religious?

-yes but my family gave up when i was like 12 sdfssdfsdf

have you ever thought about changing your name?

-a cis person made this ask game huh,,,

any allergies?

-a doctor made this ask game huh.........................

what would your warning label say if you had one?

-my url; "WARNING; THIS DILUC FICTIVE IS DERANGED"

what's the most expensive thing you've ever spent money on?

-genshin, if physical objects then uhhhhh i dont know

any oddities when it comes to your personal belief system?

-i dont know sdfsdfsd, maybe from the outside looking in

what is your love language?

-last time i took a quiz it said quality time and i agree

do you still know your best friend from grade school?

-does end of high school count? bc then yes :> shes now my boyfriend

if you could dye your hair any color, what would you pick?

-red... more red... maybe orangey tips if i had the money for that

has anyone ever told you they like your shoelaces in public? if yes, how did you respond?

-no <;/3

-how did you meet your best friend(s)?

-most of them now were from a twitch chat !

do you play any instruments?

-no

do you have any blorbos?

-So Many. to list a few; kaeya, thoma, zhongli, dainslief, wriothesley, furina, cyno, albedo, and kazuha

do you believe in fate?

-not really

do you follow any stereotypes of groups you're a part of?

-sadly im the twink transmasc everyone thinks of

how well-decorated is your bedroom?

-decorated enough to be lived in, tho not permanently

you get to give a one-sentence note to yourself from a decade ago. what does it say?

-"forget about them."

if you're trying to make friends online, what's your typical approach for reaching out?

-find a common interest, typically something im insane about, look up artists of that thing, if they follow me back i take it slowly from there

what do you consider most important in a romantic/platonic partner?

-honesty

if you had the ability to change one aspect of yourself, what would it be?

-my voice, and i am working on it tbh

what the best anon hate you've ever received?

-"are you white"

favorite emoji?

🦐

what's the boldest thing you've ever done?

-i dont know, confess feelings first typically

do you prefer having a few close friends or a lot of not-so-close ones?

-few close ones

nosiest question you've ever been asked?

-i cant think of any sdfsdfsf

favorite movie?

-the princess bride

how many languages do you speak?

-1.5 (learning french)

how much of yourself do you wear on your sleeve?

-quite a lot tho im trying to... put less of it out there

what's your go-to plan to destress?

-immerse myself like Fully Immerse myself into a new reality and i need viddy games for that so.. viddy games :]

do you believe in/follow any superstitions?

not rlly tho ghosts are real i think

what do you think you’re most known for as a person?

its either im perceived as just a general Hater of things ( i'm not,,typically )

how did you come up with your url?

well im diluc and im deranged

what's the best thing you can cook?

ramen

do you have a Signature Outfit™?

two, one that is what im wearing right now; a batman t-shirt and a long black skirt with faint stripes on it ( with POCKETS) and its super comfy, two; any graphic tee and any comfy pants that dont have holes in them

what’s been the biggest hurdle you’ve faced in your life so far?

mental illness tbh

what's your favorite obscure piece of media?

obscure? not sure of it counts but mozart l'opera rock is pretty underrated last i checked

what's the most recent entry in your notes app?

i dont have a notes app

(69) (( nice )) favorite song?

atm rainbow by dodie tho it changes a Lot

when it comes to affection/intimacy, do you prefer to stick to one person or are you more open about it?

partners only

did you have an imaginary friend as a kid?

i dont rememer, i did hallucinate people when i was in middle school so theres that

which is more important when it comes to clothing, comfort or style?

both! comfort /is/ style

what would you consider the most enjoyable accent to listen to?

any and all? unsure i dont rlly have a fave, i do have a least fave tho and that i shall not disclose

favorite time of year?

fall AND springtime

how would you describe your favorite person?

Imperfectly Perfect <3

do you like the height you are now, or do you wish you were taller/shorter?

i do wish i was slightly taller

what's your plan for the apocalypse? (don't pretend you haven't thought about it a little bit.)

Die

favorite food?

anything sweet ! tho atm hot pockets and ramen <33

who do you look to for guidance in times of need?

depends on the needs

which you can spend a day each in five different places across the globe. where do you travel?

>bfs house >bfs house >gfs house >gfs house >we three go to My house and not the one i live in right now

favorite memory? ... i have a dissociative disorder i dont Know

favorite meal? Yes anything but seafood

favorite pick-up line, if you're into that sort of thing? "are you a camera? because whenever i look at you i smile"

favorite word? cornhobbling

are you on good terms with your family? not rlly

if you were given $1mil on the basis that you had to put towards something arbitrary and self-indulgent, what would you spend it on? Baizhu Cons ( if ive got left overs then a house big enough for me and my partners )

where’s "home"? where my beloveds are

how fucked is your sleep schedule? Gone in every sense of the word

if you could keep any animal as a pet, what would you choose? bat

weirdest habit? uhhhh i dunno sdfsdfdsf

what's a common misconception people have about you? that im angry a lot more than i actually am, its weird i dont think i give off that vibe but alas

who's in your dream blunt rotation? baizhu ayato alhaitham

favorite game?

haha isnt it obvious,,, genshit impacts

if you could have any superpower besides the typical choices (flight, shapeshifting, elemental powers, etc.), what would you pick? power to teleport

have you ever written any poetry? if so, what was it about? nope, unless it was for school which i Forgot about

favorite quote? "My name is Inigo Montoya, you killed my father. prepare to die. My name is Inigo Montoya, you killed my father. prepare to die. My name iS INIGO MONTOYA, YOU KILLED MY FATHER PREPARE TO DIE!!"

what's your lucky number(s)? 22

favorite color? most shades of red, and black

is there anything you would consider yourself an expert at? the characterization of diluc and baizhu from Hit Game Genshin Impact