#theres the group we hung out with but i mostly ever talked to her not them ! theyre nice i dont dislike them at all but theyre not the kind

[iknaenmal]

OH RHIS SUCKS

[dead-inside-cx]

The time Izuku tried to cook for his mum

Izuku was bored. Katsuki was home for the weekend as was mostly everyone else. He was as well; unfortunately his mum had to work so he was home alone. He wasn’t going to see Katsuki until the end of the weekend and both had agreed not to call each other unless it was an emergency. Well their parents were forcing them to.

They couldn’t say no, well Katsuki tried before Izuku frowned. That shut the boy up quickly. It might seem cruel but it wasn’t really. He just didn’t want a scene to be made. It worked.

Izuku sighed again and checked the time. He mum wouldn’t be back for a couple more hours. He had done all his homework and training, so all he could do was wait. “Ugggh this fucking sucks!” he yelled to no one. He thought about what he could do.

An idea popped into his head. He was going to cook for his mum! Yes!! She did so much for him, so he could do this. He went to the kitchen now excited to have a task. He grabbed his mums cook book and went searching for an easy recipe.

He had cooked with Katsuki a few times, and sometimes alone but only really easy shit that was hard to fuck up unless you’re almost everyone in the bakusquad and honestly the rest of his own friend group. Which yes included Lida.

He found a recipe for a cake. That would do. Seemed easy enough besides how badly can he fuck up?

~An hour later~

 “KAAACHAAAAAAN HELP MEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!” Izuku screamed into his phone. “What the fuck nerd? What did you do?” “I TRIED MAKING A CAKE FOR MY MUM CAUSE YOU KNOW SHES AMAZING AND I FUCKED UP KAACHAAAAAN ITS ON FIRE. THERES SO MUCH FIRE!!!!!!!!!!!! WHY IS THE CAKE BURNING? HELP MEEEEEEEEE” Izuku was freaking out. The cake was literally on fire in the oven. The green haired boy was too scared to touch it.

“I’m coming.” Katsuki sighed and hung up. “I have to go rescue my idiot boyfriend.” He said to his parents. “What happened?” “He tried making a cake. It’s apparently on fire. I’ll be back later.” He left and ran to Izukus.

He opened the door and ran inside. Izuku was on the floor crying. Honestly it was kinda funny. “Get up nerd.” “Kaachan!!!!” Katsuki shook his head before going and grabbing the cake out of the oven, then put out the fire. He turned to Izuku. “Baby you are an idiot.” He sighed. Izuku sniffled. “I just wanted to make mum a cake...” “I know and you are getting better in the kitchen but not enough to cook a whole ass cake by yourself. Have you learnt nothing from the idiots?” Katsuki hugged the boy. “Ill help you make another one okay? You can ice it yourself, cause I’ll have to go back home before the old hag drags me back.” He kissed the boys head, before getting started on making a brand new cake.

 ~half an hour later~

 “Seriously nerd? I’m surprised we even got that cake in the oven. You were too busy getting the shit all over us!” Katsuki glared at the boy. “You look tasty.” “Nope don’t you dare nerd. We aren’t doing this today. Go clean yourself up. I’ll watch the cake.” He saw the pout. “Now.” He folded his arms and watched Izuku walk away. “And don’t come back until your clean shit head.” “Love you to Kaachan.” He snorted. God he loved that nerd.

Izuku came back a few minutes later. The cake was luckily nearly done. “Kiss?” Izuku asked. “Nope.” “Rude! All I want is a kiss, my boyfriend hates meeeee.” Katsuki just sighed. “You need help nerd. Also take that shit back or else I won’t kiss you for a whole week.” He smirked at the gasp he got. “KAACHAN THAT’S RUDE!” He laughed. “Alright fine come here nerd.” He held his arms out and Izuku ran over excited.

Katsuki leaned in and gave the boy a kiss before pulling away. The pout was worth it. “No way. WE are not making out while the cake is still cooking. I don’t want to burn the house down. I’m not you.” Izuku pouted. “You are so mean today.” “OI take that back. I’m not mean.” Izuku just poked his tongue out at the blonde. The timer went off. “I would kill you but then I will be lonely and the cake will burn again.” Katsuki let go of the boy and turned walking back to the kitchen.

He stopped and looked back at Izuku. “Did you just fucking slap my ass?” The shit eating grin on Izukus face said it all. “Maybe.” Katsuki just shook his head. He went to the kitchen and got the now cooked cake out of the oven.

Izuku came up behind him and hugged him. “Baby I have to get going. Let the cake cool down and then ice it.” “Nooooo.” Izuku whined. Katsuki turned around. “Ill give you all the cuddles and kisses you want back at school. I promise.” He kissed him gently and yes maybe he groped his ass for a second but in Katsukis defence it was payback.

“Ill see you at school baby. I love you.” Katsuki said before he left going home to shower and change. Izuku sighed. He really wanted to spend more time with him but he knew that he couldn’t. Instead he waited for the cake to cool down before he iced it. He made sure to write ‘Worlds #1 mum.’ On it.

He then waited for his mum to come home. Who arrived soon enough. “Izuku I’m home!” Inko said walking through the door with takeout for dinner. Izuku went to the door. “Welcome home!” He said and helped carry their dinner inside.

 The two ate dinner talking about their day. “I’m sorry I almost burnt the house down.” Izuku said when it was his turn to talk. “WHAT!!? Oh god Izuku honey are you okay? What happened!!? You know you shouldn’t cook alone.” Inko went into full blown panic mode. “I’m okay! Kaachan came and helped. I tried making you a cake and it caught on fire...But Kaachan came by and he helped me fix it and he helped me make another cake. I’m going to grab it!” Izuku ran to the kitchen and grabbed the cake.

He brought it over to his mum, who started crying. “I love it! Oh it’s so sweet Izuku! Oh and tell Katsuki thank you as well when you see him.” Inko said through her tears. “I will mum, but maybe stop crying? We don’t want to flood the house again...” His mum stopped crying and laughed a little. “Sorry sweetie.” Izuku just smiled.

He cleaned up the table and did all the dishes, before cutting some cake. The two ate it happily. “Thanks for never giving up on me.” Izuku said. “Of course honey! You are my number one son!” Izuku lets a few happy tears slip through.

“I’m sorry I’ve worried you a lot ever since my quirk came. It was never my intention to. I know ever since he left things haven’t been easy but I promise things are different now!” Izuku said. “Oh honey! What did I ever do to get a great son like you? I know you worry about him coming back but he won’t and if he does well let’s just leave it at that.” Inko smiled. It was a little terrifying. “They won’t find the body? Mum you should stop watching so many crime shows! Well at least watch them with me when I’m here...” Inko laughed. “Let’s watch one now then?” Izukus eyes lit up and they picked a show to watch together. Yeah this was perfect. Izuku might not be a great cook but at least he has the best mum ever.

I have no clue where this came from, but like oh well.  If you have any requests or questions for this au feel free to let me know.

[sariasprincy-writes]

Hollow Point 19

One // Two // Three // Four // Five // Six // Seven // Eight // Nine // Ten // Eleven // Twelve // Thirteen // Fourteen // Fifteen // Sixteen // Seventeen // Eighteen // Nineteen (here) 

Chapter Nineteen The blank edges of a map

Itachi wasn’t there when Sakura arrived. He hadn’t replied to her text two days ago, but she wasn’t too concerned. He had never disappointed her before.

She waited for him just inside the mouth of the alley, between the club and an old restaurant that had closed down some time ago. She was but a shadow, dressed in all black from her boots to her jeans and leather jacket as she leaned against the wall that separated her from the club. The music reverberated against her spine.

She didn’t have to wait long. Less than ten minutes later, Sakura heard the faint tap of footsteps down the opposite end of the alley. “You look nice,” Itachi said. “Is it my birthday?”

Sakura bit back her smirk as she looked up at him. He was dressed well in a pair of dark jeans and a dark blue button up shirt. He had rolled the sleeves up to his forearms. A mix of formal and casual wear. Good. She needed him to look his best tonight.

Pushing off the wall, Sakura stepped towards him, giving him a careful onceover. She straightened his collar a little and brushed his bangs out of his face before she smiled in return. “Feels like it’s my birthday.”

Itachi’s smile briefly widened before he peered out into the street where party-goers were all funneling towards the small entrance of the large building. “What are we doing here?”

“I need to have a talk with an old friend,” she told him, following his gaze. “You might know her. Here, she’s known as Sekhmet.”

“The Goddess of Power.”

Sakura nodded, somewhat surprised he recognized the name. “If there’s any movement of anything in or out of Egypt, she knows.”

“And you want to know more about that port in New York,” Itachi concluded. When she nodded, his brow furrowed. “So why do you need me here?”

“I can’t go in alone,” she told him. When Itachi shot her a questioning look, she sighed, “I…may have killed her brother.”

In an instant, all playfulness dropped from his expression. He shot her an incredulous look, as if still trying to figure out if she was completely or only mostly out of her mind. Not that she could entirely blame him. This was almost the dumbest thing she had ever done.

“It’s complicated,” Sakura said when Itachi continued looking at her like he was waiting for an explanation.

He huffed a humorless laugh through his nose. “And what makes you think you can walk in there without her killing you?”

Looking away from the crowd, she turned to face him fully. “You.”

Itachi’s brows furrowed. “Me?” he repeated.

She nodded, slipping her hands into the pockets of her jacket. “Temari only mostly hates me so I’ll at least be able to get one, maybe two words in before she goes for her gun. And she loves pretty boys.”

“So, I’m here to flirt with her,” he said, his voice flat.

“Don’t worry. She won’t do anything to you. Maybe.” When Itachi continued to just stare, she brushed a piece of invisible lint off his shirt with a small smile. “Just play along. You’re CIA. I figured you would be good as this by now.”

Itachi looked like he had more to say but she didn’t give him the chance as she finally moved forward to blend into the crowd. She didn’t have to look back to know he was following, feeling his hand wrap around the inside of her elbow so they didn’t get separated.

At the door, Sakura smiled at the bouncers and whispered the right words to get in. They eyed her skeptically but didn’t question her. Merely unhooked the red rope to let her and Itachi pass.  

Inside, the club was pounding. Literally. Heavy beats rattled her bones and made the floor quake beneath her feet. Bright, flashing lights flickered overhead, enticing those standing on the sidelines to join the party.

Normally, Sakura would have loved to get lost in the deep bass and the semi-darkness where no one knew her name. Now, it only made it harder to concentrate, harder to think.

With Itachi still on her arm, Sakura weaved through the throng of girls in short dresses. Many clung to guys with wandering eyes who didn’t even know their names. She stopped just outside the main dancefloor to gaze purposefully about the club.

Beside her, Itachi’s hand tightened on her arm. She glanced at him and followed his gaze to a group of men that were eyeing her. She ignored them.

“Don’t worry about them,” she told him. “These are just civilians.” Then she nodded towards a door upstairs in a tucked away corner of the room. “Up there is who we have to worry about.”

Over the pounding music, Itachi didn’t bother trying to reply. He merely followed her up the narrow, nearly invisible stairs in the back and down the hall where four large bouncers were guarding the door. They all wore black t-shirts, their biceps nearly bursting the stitching in the arms and their tattoos out on display for all to see.

The closest one barely took one look at her before turning to Itachi. “You and your lady friend are going the wrong way. Party is downstairs.”

Unfazed, Itachi jerked his chin towards the mass of bodies swaying on the dancefloor. “That’s not the type of party we’re looking for. Our tastes are for something a little more private. Perhaps Sekhmet has enough room for two more. Two more with money to spare.”

The man’s eyes narrowed at that name. He eyed the pair of them again and seemed to think before he looked back at his companions and nodded once. His silent permission that they were granted access.

Sakura briefly glanced at Itachi as they slipped through the door. He returned her stare with a faint smirk. He was better at this than she thought.

The guard closed the door behind them as they slipped into a hall, muting the loud music below. She and Itachi followed it until they reached a shimmering, silk curtain. Beyond it led to a large room. There was a dozen or so people in the room, the clinking of their crystal glasses and murmured conversation floating up into the high ceiling. More silk hung from above in shades of the richest purples and deepest reds. The rest of the space was accentuated in sparkling golds, the colors all blending together to give a warmth to the otherwise colorless room.

Towards the middle of the room, four pillars of marble stamped a wide square onto the white tiles. Just inside that, the floor sunk down where a chaise lounge sofa sat. That was where Temari lounged.

She sat like a queen of the ages with her blonde hair tied back, exposing her long neck and accentuating the gold, stringed head piece along her forehead and atop the crown of her head. Her eyeliner was winged and sharp, drawing attention to her almond-shaped eyes. She was dressed in long flowing, harem pants and a shirt of the smoothest silk, her feet bare and decorated with intricate henna.

On either side of her, Temari kept company with a pair of young boys. Likely barely twenty. Not that that was surprising. Sakura remembered the blonde always went for the younger ones.

Temari looked up when Itachi entered. She eyed him curiously, giving him a long onceover as a playful smile formed on her lips. It fell the instant she spotted Sakura a pace behind him.

Like a candle dying in the wind, all warmth drained from Temari’s features. She didn’t spare another word to the boys beside her as she rose from her throne of plush pillows. Her face was hard as she approached, her expression carved from stone. “You have some nerve showing up here.”

Sakura and Itachi stopped a pace from where the floor dropped down. “Temari, I-“

That was all Sakura got out before Temari’s fist connected with her face. The crack of her knuckles echoed throughout the room. Sakura grimaced but made no move to defend herself or retaliate. She had expected worse. Beside her, Itachi tensed but remained still as the rest of the room fell silent.

“Give me one reason why I shouldn’t shoot you where you stand,” Temari demanded.

Trying to hide how much her jaw ached, Sakura looked up at the blonde. It didn’t escape her notice the guards in the corners of the room had reached into the inside pockets of their tailored suits. Hands likely around concealed weapons.

“You and I both know I did everyone a favor by killing Gaara,” Sakura said unapologetically. “He was a terrorist. In every sense of the word.”

When Temari’s eyes narrowed, Sakura took a step forward before she could cock her fist again, closing the space between them until she could whisper just loud enough for Temari to hear. “Don’t forget that I was the one who stopped him from strangling you that night.”

The blonde didn’t immediately move, the both of them remembering that cold, winter night. Her wheezing, hollow gasps while Sakura pleaded with Gaara to release his only sister.

This time when Sakura met Temari’s gaze, the anger and hate was replaced with something painful, something she was unable to describe. “He was my brother,” Temari murmured so quietly Sakura nearly missed the hurt in her voice.

Sakura swallowed thickly, trying to push down the sudden knot of sympathy that had balled in her chest. “I know.”

The next time Temari blinked her vulnerability was gone and in its place was her usual, cool frostiness. “So, what are you doing here? It’s not like you to apologize for anything so you must want something from me.”

With the thick tension broken, the soft conversation on the outskirts of the room resumed. Sakura tried to hide her smile at Temari’s perception, tried to hide how much her jaw ached. If there was one thing she learned from Gaara, it was how to throw a punch.

“We need some information,” Itachi stepped forward, speaking for the first time.

Temari pulled her gaze from Sakura to study him. She said nothing for a long moment before she extended her hand to him. And just as Sakura had hoped, Itachi accepted it.

“Information on what exactly?” Temari asked.

She led him towards the lounge chair she had been resting on when they arrived, wordlessly waving the pair of boys away. They made themselves scarce without a word. With them gone, Temari made herself comfortable upon the cushions, ensuring Itachi seated himself close by.

“Shipments out of Cairo and into the States,” Itachi said, turning to face Temari completely. “Specifically, into New York City.”

It didn’t escape Sakura’s notice Temari had purposely left no room for her to join. She resisted the urge to sigh at her antics as she stopped beside them. Still standing.

Temari arched her brow at Itachi. “Shipments of what?”

“Guns, drugs, the usual,” he listed.

When the blonde hummed thoughtfully, Sakura added, “It looks like Akatsuki, but a reliable source doesn’t think so.”

Temari peered up at her, the gold in her hair sparkling. “I’ve heard of the port. A shipment left here a few weeks ago to head into New York. I had assumed it was you so I didn’t look at it too hard,” she said. Then her gaze returned to Itachi. “If you want more information, I can look into it and let you know what I find.”

Itachi smiled. “We would appreciate it.”

Temari returned his smile for one of her own before it fell with a glance at Sakura. “You know I require payment first.”

“If you can find out who is using the port in New York, I’ll pay you one hundred million pounds,” Sakura told her.

The blonde arched her brow in surprise at the high price, the question obvious on the tip of her tongue. In never came. Instead, she pretended to think. Her gaze studying Sakura before turning back to Itachi. The start of a cunning smile on her lips. “One hundred million pounds. And I get to keep pretty boy.”

Itachi turned to look at Sakura at that. She couldn’t help but smile as she read the look in his eyes. “Pretty boy is mine,” she said, redirecting her attention to Temari. “Take the money or leave it.”

The older woman eyed Itachi for a moment longer before she sighed. “Fine,” she waved him away. “Wire the money to me by tomorrow or there’s no deal.”

With their business concluded, Sakura left with Itachi in tow, much to the pout of Temari. They headed back out the way they came, weaving their way through the party-goers still dancing and drinking downstairs.

The fresh air outside was a welcomed relief from the sticky heat of the crowded club. Although heavy. Like rain was threatening to fall.

Sakura inhaled deeply, wincing when her jaw ached. She rubbed the sore spot briefly, her fingers pressing along the skin just enough to determine that she would in fact have a bruise. At least Temari had played nice. Mostly.

Itachi was already watching her when Sakura looked at him. She dropped her hand, realizing she was still massaging her abused face.

“I’m hungry,” Itachi said before she could speak. “We should get something to eat.”

And that was how Sakura found herself at some American diner on the corner. It was a few streets back from the more touristy areas and a little tucked away. At this hour, they were the only customers. The older crowd already retired to bed and the younger ones still drinking in the clubs.

They ordered nachos before the waitress collected their menus and disappeared into the back. Even alone, they didn’t speak. Itachi watched Sakura over his coffee mug. Her phone sat on the table between them. Face up but silent. Only the screen lighting up every so often to indicate she had a new message.

Each time, Itachi glanced at her. She didn't touch it. Instead her gaze lingered elsewhere. The streamers hanging from the ceiling of the restaurant as they spun slowly, the steam rising from his coffee mug, the fall of the rain outside as it dripped down the window. She stared at all these things with rapt attention. As if she saw some deeper meaning in the little things.

Itachi just watched her, her earlier words playing over in his head. ‘Pretty boy is mine.’ He knew she had meant it as a power play against Temari, but that single statement had stirred something deep in his chest.

It stirred again now as he observed her. Eyeing the way she ran the back of her fingers against her jaw. It had to ache from the force behind Temari’s blow, but Sakura didn’t show any signs of discomfort. She had acted like it hadn’t even hurt at the time.

It was some minutes before Sakura noticed his stare. She cocked her brow. The same look she always gave when she caught him staring.

“You haven't spoken since we left Temari's,” he said, finally breaking the silence.

She said nothing for a minute more as a frown settled over her features. She sank back against the back of the booth heavily. “Some dots are beginning to connect that worry me,” Sakura said quietly.

Itachi’s brow furrowed. “With Akatsuki?”

She nodded, crossing her arms loosely over her chest. “Our meeting with Kisame is making me think Akatsuki is growing faster than we think.”

“Because he didn’t know about the port in New York?” he asked. When she said nothing, Itachi frowned. “Are you certain that shipment was even Akatsuki’s and not another group? There’s more illegal product moving in and out of America than there has been in years. It’s possible someone else-”

“I saw the port myself,” Sakura interrupted, her tone not unkind but unyielding. “It’s Akatsuki. And the fact Kisame doesn’t know might mean he’s been compromised or Pein has another arms supplier.”

Itachi was quiet for a long moment as he considered her words, a deep frown etched into the corners of his mouth. It was a minute before he spoke again, “Let’s wait to see what Temari says before we jump to any conclusions.”

Over the table, Sakura met Itachi’s gaze. He seemed to be pleading with her, as if trying to convince her to give Kisame the benefit of the doubt. She supposed she didn’t have any proof of her claims yet. Only a churning in her stomach that made her uneasy.

Eventually she nodded. A small smile caressed the corner of Itachi’s mouth before it disappeared behind his coffee mug. Sakura studied him, finding that she liked watching him. Noticing the little things. Like the way his shoulders filled his shirt, how he held his coffee mug from the side and not the handle. How his expression changed minutely when he looked up again and caught her stare.

“What is it?” he asked.

She didn’t understand his question until she realized her smile had dwindled into a frown. “There’s something else,” she began slowly. “Do you remember the payments Shisui found? The ones Hashirama was providing Madara.”

“You found out what the payments are for.”

Sakura inclined her head. “Hashirama is paying Madara to watch me.”

Itachi stilled, his gaze briefly flickering out the window as if he expected to find some shadow staring back at them across the street. “You don’t think he knows about us?”

“No. If he did, he would have taken me out by now,” she told him, unfazed by the thought. “I think Hashirama is expecting me to turn against him though.”

“Why would he think that?”

“Probably because I came to work for him as a favor from my adopted mother. And she loathes him.”

A look of confusion passed Itachi’s face as Sakura rested her chin on her palm. She could still recall the arguments they used to get into. At least she assumed they were. She could only hear Tsunade’s side of the conversation, but the hushed, angry whispers and abrupt ends led her to believe that things between her mother and Hashirama had slowly deteriorated over time.

“She never told me much about their relationship,” Sakura continued. “But I think Hashirama started shorting her on payments. I think that’s why Tsunade finally cut ties with him and left me in charge so she could move on.”

“So that’s where you got the name Tsunade from,” Itachi murmured. When Sakura shot him a puzzled look, he explained, “There’s not a lot known about you, even with Mossad and the CIA after you. We know that you were born in the States and raised in Israel, but other than that your file is pretty much full of guessed information. For a while, many of us believed you were multiple people. I guess we were half-right in that regard.”

Sakura drank from her water glass as she considered Itachi. Caught with the sudden urge to tell him more but not wanting to give too much away. She thought about her next words carefully. “I was born in the States, but I was moved to Russia before I turned one,” she told him. “I stayed there until I was six when Hashirama found me and brought me to his niece, Tsunade.”

“Your adopted mother,” Itachi said, connecting the dots. “So, she took you and raised you.”

“More like trained me,” Sakura corrected. “She was less nurturing and more interested in teaching me her trade. How to conceal a weapon, how to steal. How to lie.”

Itachi frowned, like he was pitying her. She half expected him to apologize for her poor childhood. To her relief, he didn’t, “You have the widest range of connections of any criminal I’ve ever tracked. You must have moved around a lot.”

Warmth flushed through Sakura at his compliment. She tried to push it away as she drank from her water glass. Instead recalling all the homes, all the cities they had jumped around. Never staying in one place for too long. Just long enough to establish contacts or create connections before moving on.

Itachi sipped his coffee as he considered what she had just told him. When he lowered it, he eyed her again. “Is Sakura even your real name?”

Sakura didn’t immediately reply. Not because she didn’t want to tell him, but because she didn’t know for certain herself. She had never known her birth name – or if she had even been given one. She knew they had called her something else in that cold orphanage, but that name had long since faded from her memory.

In the end, Sakura merely shrugged. “It’s the one I like.”

Their food arrived after that. They talked about insignificant things as they picked through the large pile of nachos for the perfect chip. She couldn’t help her smile when Itachi peeled off his jalapenos and nearly horded the little cups of sour cream and guacamole their waitress had provided. Sakura let him, not too picky with what she ate.

By the time they finished, the little diner was closing for the night. The waitress locked the door behind them and turned the outside light off, casting them into semi-darkness. She and Itachi paused under the front awning, observing the rain that fell just beyond.

It was a few blocks to her hotel. Sakura would undoubtedly be soaked by the time she got there. Perhaps she should have checked the weather before she left, but Temari had been her only thought when she had slipped out earlier that evening.

When Sakura turned back to Itachi, she saw he was already watching her. That same look in his eyes she recognized but still couldn’t quite place. She frowned. “Why do you look at me like that?”

He was quiet a moment. Then said, “Because I like the way you look at the world.”

“As a tool to be used?” she asked sarcastically, trying to distract from the way her heart was suddenly thumping in her chest.

Itachi merely shook his head, the start of a smile tugged on the corner of his lips. “As something to be looked at.”

Sakura held his gaze for a moment before she looked away, feeling her cheeks flush with embarrassment. She fidgeted with her jacket, pulling her collar tighter around her neck and drawing the zipper higher. When her face cooled, she looked back at Itachi only to find he was still smiling.

She frowned in defense. “Are you flirting with me, Agent Uchiha?”

“Would you be so opposed to it?” he asked in return.

For some reason that made her pause. For she could recall saying the very same thing to him those months ago. The only difference now was she got the feeling he wasn’t completely teasing.

She swallowed, suddenly unsure how to respond.

Itachi saved her from her own embarrassment by taking a single step back, a knowing look entering his gaze. “I’ll be in touch. Have a good night, Sakura,” he murmured, her name rolling off his tongue like it had a million times before.

Then he stepped out into the rain and walked away.

Sakura watched him without moving, feeling hot and cold all over. It wasn’t until he was disappeared around the corner that a glare fell over her features.

Damn, Uchiha. He certainly was better at this game than she thought.

to be continued…

[solange-lol]

could you possibly write some sort of high school au solangelo??

school! aus! are! my! guilty! pleasure!

my apologies, this is kind of long, I got excited. 

read on ao3

Will Solace hated Nico di Angelo with a burning passion.

Okay, that was a bit dramatic. But he didn’t like Nico. All through middle school you expect the whole “guys stick together,” thing, and for the most part Will did have a lot of friends by his side. He was pretty popular, laid back. Not on any sports teams, but everyone still liked him. 

Well, everyone but Nico, who teased him consonantly and pulled every prank imaginable on him. There was no reason behind it, maybe just for the sole reason that everyone liked Will whilst Nico had his sister Hazel, and that was all. 

Of course, Will never thought of this teasing to be anything besides a constant threat against him

₪₪₪

When they got into high school, Nico finally seemed to hold an unspoken truce to Will. Maybe because Will had sort of lost all his friends from middle school and only hung out with the kids who ate lunch in the band room.  

By their second year, Will couldn’t recall the last time Nico di Angelo had even spoken to him. Either he gave up, or he was too busy paying attention to the infamous Percy Jackson, a junior who played Fullback on their schools football team along with Jason Grace who played Quarterback and who had grown closer to Nico over the years, meaning that the three of them spent a lot of time together, as well as their girlfriends Annabeth Chase and Piper McClean, not to mention Hazel who still sat as his lunch table along with her boyfriend, Frank Zhang (who was also on the football team and played wide receiver.) All in all, Nico had found himself a small friend group. 

When Will first heard the rumors about Nico liking Percy, he wasn’t sure what to think. At first, he didn’t know if he should believe it. They started out high school with “gay” still being an insult, but as the months passed, Will started to see more and more LGBT couples, including Jason’s older sister Thalia, who was in Percy’s grade, and Reyna Ramírez-Arellano, also a junior. (not to mention Will deciding he was bi.) After a while, it all made sense to be true. Nico basically looked up to Percy, always tried to engage in conversation with him, and laughed at all his jokes, which 90% of the time weren’t even funny. 

A few weeks later, word got around that “Nico finally got the guts to tell Percy how he felt, Percy politely rejected him, now Nico refuses to talk to him” which was the first time Will ever felt bad for him. 

₪₪₪

After all the “Percy rejecting Nico” drama, everyone had the unspoken agreement that Nico was gay, and by the middle of their sophomore year, everyone mostly forgot about it, including Will. 

So when Nico and Will were paired up for a History project, Will thought nothing of it besides anxiety that this is where Nico will remember he existed and start teasing him again.

To his surprise, however, Nico seemed to act like nothing ever happened in their past years, and worked with Will quite well. They talked a lot during the week they had, and afterwords they continued to talk to the point where they were maybe kind of friends?

They didn’t eat lunch together, Will still sitting in the band room while Nico sat awkwardly in the cafeteria with his friends (and as far away to Percy as he could get) but they exchanged “hellos” in the hall, and talked a bit together before the classes they took together would start. Will was surprised by how much they actually had in common when it came to interests.

And by winter break, Will had developed a kind-of-sort-of-crush on Nico di Angelo. 

“Just ask him out!” his cousin Kayla told him while they sat on the couch watching their younger cousins unwrapping presents on Christmas morning after Nico had sent Will a half-faced snapchat saying “merry xmas solace” making Will’s heart melt. When it came to relationships, Kayla was always there for Will. 

“Thats what Lou Ellen said, but I can’t just go up to him and ask him out!” 

“Why not?” was her response. “You can handle rejection!”

“Not from him!” he hissed.

“William Solace, theres nothing to be afraid of, because he obviously likes you!” Kayla said indignantly.  

Will huffed, “We’ll see.” 

₪₪₪

To Will’s surprise, a note fell out of his locker a couple mornings later when he opened it to get his textbook for Math.

skip lunch. meet me in gender neutral bathroom on the second floor across from the library. -nico 

Will smiled. He wasn’t sure what he was expecting, but it was a harmless note.

Like the note said, Will showed up outside the bathroom on the second floor, where Nico was standing against the wall, with his usual black shirt, tattered black jeans, and black converse. 

Upon arrival, Nico barley looked up before grabbing Will’s hand and dragging him into the bathroom and locking the door behind him. 

“What a-” Will started before Nico turned around, trapping him against the bathroom tiles, fierce determination in his eyes, and suddenly bad feeling were flooding into Will’s stomach, making his heart beat fast and his eyes widen.

It’s a trap, it’s all been a trap, this is where he beats me up, forget friendship, forget crushes, it was all a trap

But Will didn’t have any time to put his thoughts into actions before Nico stood up on his tiptoes, leaned in, and-

kissed him

Nico was kissing him.

He didn’t think, he didn’t notice any feeling except for the soaring feeling of his heart as Nico di Angelo kissed him.

As soon as he could process what was happening, he responded  to the kiss, hands lifting from his sides to wrap around Nico’s waist, pulling him closer. Nico’s hands dropped from the walls onto Will’s shoulders, then sliding his hands up so his palms cupped Will’s face, his fingers closing around the back of his neck. 

It felt like days when they finally released each other, smiling with flustered cheeks and messy hair. 

Needless to say, Nico showed up to his Biology class in the same state, mumbling an excuse as he slid in the seat next to Piper, who gave him a knowing wink.

₪₪₪

(junior year)

Nico was at a party.

He hated high school parties. He wasn’t big on socialization, despite being friends with 3 of the best football players in the school. His friend group had grown since last year. Sometimes he sat in the cafeteria with Jason and Piper and Hazel and all the others, but most of the time he sat in the band room with the theater kids, and now had a solid group there too. Lou Ellen and Cecil, Leo and Calypso, and of course Will.

Will. That was the only reason he showed up to the freaking thing. He would’ve preferred to spend a nice quiet night together watching a movie or something at Will’s house. But Jason asked Nico to come while Will was standing next to him and Will decided they were going. And Nico didn’t argue because frankly, he wasn’t paying attention to the conversation.

But now he as at this party with a bunch of drunk juniors and seniors in Jason’s house and he didn’t know where Will had gone or where anyone was frankly, and so he stood in the back with a Diet Coke, hoping no one would try and approach him.

Unfortunately, that didn’t go very well because he suddenly found himself in a conversation with Percy Jackson, his first crush that had rejected him, which Nico wasn’t as crushed as he could be, considering he knew how much Annabeth and Percy liked each other. 

And now here was Percy, chatting away with Nico instead of making out with Annabeth somewhere else, just like Nico’s awkward sophomore year didn’t happen.

Sophomore year. He had a crush on Will Solace ever since 6th grade, but by the time they got to high school, Nico undoubtedly decided that Will didn’t like him. This was also when he mt Jason, who then led to Percy. All through freshman and sophomore year all he thought about was Percy. It was unrealistic, yes, but isn’t everyone’s first second crush?

And then, yes, he got rejected by Percy which basically outed him to the entire school which would have made him probably transfer in any other situation, but instead he took it as an opportunity to get closer to Will, and eventually kiss him, who thank god liked him back, and by the end of the month they were dating. 

And now here he was, not really paying attention to this drunk Percy while scanning the room for Will. Just as he finally spotted the blonde head, Percy put his arm around Nico’s shoulder. Nico caught Will’s eye at this exact moment, and what happened next was not his fault. 

Will practically ran over to the two, grabbing Nico’s arm. 

“Sorry Percy but we have to go,” Will said quickly before dragging Nico out of the house. 

Nico was relieved to feel the cool night air on his skin, to get away from that loud party which would no doubt be caught soon. 

“Do you still like Percy?” Will asked suddenly.

Nico turned. “What do you mean?”

“I mean do you still like Percy?”

“No, idiot, of course I don’t like Percy.”

“Okay, good.”

“Why do you ask?”

Will sighed, avoiding eye contact “I haven’t seen you two talk in forever, and just the way he stood next to you, with his arm around you? I don’t know, I guess I just panicked. Thought that you still liked him… more than me.”

“Will?” Nico said. Will raised his head, squinting one eye to look at Nico. 

“I liked you first, before Percy. I used Percy as a distraction, because I thought you would never like me, but I’ve liked you ever since 6th grade.”

“Really? I thought you hated me in middle school? The constant teasing?”

“Thats called flirting, sunshine.” 

Will smiled, now looking at his palms and shaking his head, “All this time I could have spent with you and I thought you hated me”

“Hey, it’s alright,” Nico said, taking Will’s hand with one and putting the other on his cheek. “I have you now, and thats all I need. That past doesn’t matter. What matters is.., I love you., Will Solace”

Will’s eyes widened, and for a second Nico cursed at himself for going too quickly. But then, Will pulled him into a kiss, and Nico knew everything was alright.

“I love you too, Nico di Angelo,” he said when they pulled apart, smiling down at him as brown eyes met with blue. A small smile crossed Nico’s face too. This was all he needed. 

So I may or may not have been thinking about that freaking RIverdale thing with the “i love you’s” and Jughead and Betty while writing the ending iudbhskja

Anyway, I actually had a dream that I was Nico di Angelo and I went to a party and fell asleep on a couch cuddling Will Solace which is like the best dream ever but of course I was going to actually do that but I didnt add the party because why not

I have more ideas but I didn’t want to add them all because this was already super long so that can be saved for another fic :))

If you do want me to write another school!au oneshot then I will because like I said I absolutely love school au’s and I have more ideas !!

If not… well I’m sorry you didn’t like it but I’ll probably write some more anyway ;) 

[3inghao]

crush anon here and AHHHHH I DONT KNOW WHATS GOING ON bc i feel like out of all of us we have the weirdest (?) relationship bc we dont even have each other on social media or each others numbers and like again im still not in their group chat?? only me and my other suitemate (the other asian girl) arent in the group chat??? which is like,, really weird bc they mention it a lot but theyve never made any moves to add (1/15)

us to the group chat and like thats not really something you can just like,, ask to join,,, and so they all hang out and grab meals together or whatever and idk i guess its just bc they dont have as much schoolwork i guess?? and my roommate and him are both film majors so they have similar classes and i guess i just havent had that many opportunities to hang out otherwise?? but like ive only seen him once since drunk (2/15)

night and it was yesterday and it was because he was downstairs in the dance room of our hall taking pictures of three of the girls from our friend group for his hw and after theywere done they just came up toour room and hung out and like ,, i wanted to talk to him more but then my friend started swiping through her tinder and so he started to swipe through his and then my roommate and her started doing the matches (3/15)

on tinder for him and it was like,, they were judging the girls as they went by like ‘oh shes cute’ or ‘oh my god shes so weird’ and it was mostly them but i felt really uncomfortable bc they were all like attractive girls and i was like ahh,,, i guess theres me the potato ,, and like i dont want my friends to know i like him either bc 1. theyd all think its like the worst idea in the world bc everyone knows how much of a player he is (4/15)

2. i still dont know if my roommates into him and 3. i still dont really know him super well and it would just be so weird for the friend group?? dating within the friend group would be a terrrrrrible idea too,,, and like im so confused about what to do but one thing i do know is that i will never tell the friend group at least until i get closer to them and him.. and even so i dont think he likes me,, although i do think hes intrigued by me,, (5/15)

if that makes any kind of sense at all… i know hes actively trying to hook up/date other girls bc of the whole tinder incident and also the other guy friend in our friend group (went to hs with x) told us that he was trying to get with this british girl he met in an elevator bc she was super pretty (and again when i say super pretty i mean it bc the girls they were swiping left on tinder were all so pretty too ????) but yeah i just felt my (6/15)

stomach drop when i heard that bc i knew what kind of guy he was even before i had a crush on him but i cant help but feel so terrible whenever stuff like that happens.. and yet at the same time i feel like our dynamic is different anyways?? like idk if this makes sense but you know when you can just feel like theres something more to your relationship with a person?? like idk this might just be me projecting my delusional (7/15)

hopes and desires onto this interpretation but i can sense like we are both trying to feel each other out, and that we dont really know how to act around each other, and i feel like im so crazy and i must be imagining it but every time we make eye contact it always feels just a tiny bit longer than normal or with other people??? you know????? im honestly going insane thinking about this,, and every time we were together (8/15)

before drunk night i would shut myself down around him like i tried to avoid eye contact or engaging in conversation bc i was so scared of letting myself fall for him but it happened anyways and now im still scared but im trying to put myself out there and engage with him but then things happen like the tinder thing and i just shut right back down yesterday and pretended like i was really focused on my schoolwork or my (9/15)

readings and ahhh i really dont know whats going on anymore i still have so much hw to do on top of that and i dont see him often bc he doesnt live in the same hall as me, im not in the group chat, and im not the same major as him so essentially we only hang out on the weekends or occasionally on the weekdays if he comes over to our dorms bc my suitemates invite him or whatever ahhhhhh i cant stop thinking about it (10/15)

and i just keep oscillating back and forth from thinking that somethings finally gonna happen and that theres a crazy spark there to thinking that theres absolutely zero interest from his end and that he would never like me and that i would never want to be with a guy like that anyways and ahhhhh i know i just have to wait it out and continue to work on it (at least being his friend) but at the same time i feel like i should just drop the (11/15)

whole thing and pretend like that drunk night never happened and just treat him with polite distance and act like my opinion of him is 100% just neutral guy that im kinda friends with and has had some good times with but i also know nothing will ever happen unless im trying from my end and actively showing interest in him but again it would be so weird bc i cant flirt with him bc my friends would 1000000% be able to tell and i (12/15)

know its still too early ahhhh my head is spinning im literally going insane AHHHHHHHHHHH sorry and literally just as im writing this my roommate is facetiming her friend and was telling her a story and she referred to our group as ‘our friend group and also two other people who live with us’ MEANING she doesnt consider me and the other girl to be part of the friend group and i knew that deep down i really wasnt but i (13/15)

hang out with these guys a lot and i try my best to be supportive but not too clingy and idk what im doing wrong??? why do people not want to be my friend??? i?????????? im sorry for being so depressing but this is legit what i feel !!! and ahh i just kinda want to distance myself away from these people and get my own friend group but at the same time i dont bc i love these people but the thing is i dont know/i dont think (14/15)

they love me !!!!! wowie wow wow anyways that was my entire fucking rant about life in general and im sorry if im burdening you but i hope this message finds you well

AHHHHHHH CRUSH ANON IM SORRY IT TOOK ME SO LONG TO ANSWER THIS I’m starting to feel better now I was at a real low place the past two weeks and just feeling bleh but i’m getting some help and i’ll be fine :))) but since it’s been so long WHAT ELSE HAS HAPPENED i don’t think you need to give up on your feelings for him and i don’t think you need to give up on the friend group, they’ve probs just been more tight-knit for longer so it’ll just take time before you’re fully part of the group, if that’s what u want. Don’t stress about the boy tho!!!! if it’s meant to happen it will ya know, you can’t force something. Maybe try just being friends with him first and maybe go from there?? ahhh i feel so bad at giving advice lolollll i hope i’m helpful or can just be some that can lend an ear to you to rant

[kostovas]

my diary post about my feelings before going to college

august 22, 2017, 10:06 pm, my room in El Paso

The way that I tend to deal with my problems/worries is that I don’t think about them and ignore them and keep ignoring them until they get so big that I’m forced to think about and deal with them.

That is basically what I have been doing this entire summer. I don’t even remember the last time I wrote in my diary and I’ve decided to start typing it out instead since I’m afraid I won’t have the motivation to literally write out my diary in COLLEGE, aka, the problem/worry, which branches out into a bunch of other little problems/worries (I’m going to be living 10 hours away from home, what if I mess up while doing the laundry, what if the work is too hard, my parents are going to be sad,) that I have been pushing away

Although to be honest about 90% of the summer consisted of me in my room writing fan fiction or watching Netflix or scrolling through twitter, I still really didn’t think much about it…

Orientation? Did I even write about it? It was fine, it was good, I instantly clicked with my roommate sara, yes, same name as me, and my orientation-roommate was nice but I have a weird after-taste about her because she told me she was Latina because although she is German Swedish Irish french Spanish insert a billion other super white ethnicities here, her mom is from New Mexico!

Orientation just felt like a more cramped, panicked version of NSLC camp which I went to last year. NSLC was like, a random pocket-universe where I met new people who I spontaneously had a lot in common with and thought about my future in entertainment business with just for fun. Orientation is where I met new people who I very un-spontaneously had at least one thing in common with, starting ut, and thought about my future for real.

I feel like I’ve got some things down, aka my class schedule and what music I could potentially listen to while walking around campus (my Austin playlist is a lot of vampire weekend and sza and I know that sounds like a weird combo but it feels insanely fitting) but for the most part I still very much have ABSOLUTELY ZERO IDEA WHAT I AM DOING!

I…. AM PANICKING BIG TIME RIGHT NOW… I CRIED LIKE A MINUTE BEFORE I STARTED WRITING THIS… WHICH I HAVE NOT DONE (at least not over anything that wasn’t a book or a tv show or a movie) THIS ENTIRE SUMMER!!!

This summer, although filled with a lot of nothing and empty spaces, felt so perfect and so teenage-me. Maybe not truly me, truly what I would have done in my perfect world, but just… what I would do as a teenager. I know I’m still technically going to be a teenager for at least awhile in college, but, not like this. Not the El Paso bred high school boredom tennis court by Lorde Gilmore girls crying teenager. I’ll be something else, whatever it is, and I have no idea what. I am afraid to meet her. I am excited I am scared I am going to vomit all over this new computer I bought for college

I went to a lot of movies this summer, mostly with nicole and mostly at the Alamo draft house and mostly before they came out (baby driver, good time, which I both liked but baby driver way more).

I got my drivers license and I passed the test by literally oNE POINT

I drove by myself to nicoles apartment and we had weird conversations about our psychic feelings and premonitions about our own lives and deaths. That was the first time I drove by myself and it was for about five minutes and I sung out loud to dua lipa the entire time because I feel like falling asleep any time I go in a moving vehicle and theres no music and my dad drove me back later because it was raining.

I also drove to pick up alondra the Friday before she left for college. Her first day of school was today and she left like a week early. She’s in South Carolina at college of Charleston and I’m even scared for her. We got chick fil a and went home and talked about da Vinci and being Latina outside of El Paso and random memories and feelings and nothing and everything and nothing again

I hung out with my grandpa a lot, who has been staying here all summer. Yesterday he showed me a picture of my great grandpa who I had never seen before and I was so shocked, he looked like a real Mexican movie star cowboy, I have no idea what John Wayne looks like but he should look like my great grandpa, panfilo vela. Yesterday in particular my grandpa worried about pregnant women because the solar eclipse was happening and they were not wearing safety pins, a latino superstition he said so firmly as a scientific fact that I was really confused and briefly wondering if there was some sort of pregnant women’s medical pin. My dad said ‘that’s part of his charm’’ believing things so intensely, I guess. I think I got some of that from him

I went to San Antonio last week with tia 1 and valerie and Abuelita and my family. Tia 2 is usually the one to go on vacations with us, but she has this new best friend who she is in a two-person cult with, with her BFF/Bestie/Twinsie (yes, she is a 40+ year old woman, who calls her that) being the leader and her being the devout follower, paying for all her tickets to schiltterbaun and the movies and everything she buys while shopping and all her food and yelling at her employees for getting mad at her for something to do with a water bottle I don’t know but it’s definitely throwing off the balance of the universe.

But it was fun, tia 1 is very loud and charismatic and doesnt give any fucks and now I like to say “no mas mis chicharrones truenan aqui” also I am mad I am not more tan

I learned how to make crepes I have made at least 7 successful ones

Okay. so. crying. Here’s a text I sent to the vampire weekend group chat earlier:

(redacted) I really feel like my dad raised me mostly and he just took me out to the fanciest dinner of my life as a “father-daughter dinner” before college and he ran into some friends who were older than him and they were like “ur gonna miss her it’s gonna suck!” And I think my dad almost cried and we talked about heaven in the car and now I’m home and there’s boxes in my room and I’m staring at them and crying

end text

My dad put together those boxes for me with longhorn tape. Burnt orange duct tape with white longhorn shapes on them, literally That’s where my arts and crafts related headassery comes from

I’m going to be staying in a dorm at UT with my own restroom and now I’m thinking do I even really know how to clean a shower NOT REALLY

I’m gonna end up googling it while I’m there

I feel like I don’t actually know how to iron like I’m doing it wrong for sure

The restaurant was called cafe central it’s in downtown El Paso which I think is really truly beautiful even though objectively it’s ugly I’m super emotional and so I think it’s extremely beautiful and it’s just. I feel . It’s just how I feel.

I feel so in touch with the El Paso city it doesn’t even feel real. I feel like all the abandoned buildings are just cardboard cutouts and I have the power to knock them over with my fingertips. the homeless guys there don’t even scare me that much even though they probably should, not even the old lady with the bandaids all over her hands who stole Isaac’s hot dog once

god. That dinner was so fancy and I kept thinking about all these early 2000s chick flicks where a girl eats in a fancy restaurant for one reason or another and I kept thinking about how I love my dad and I kept thinking about how why do we need four different knives and I kept thinking about how that place started in 1918 so it probably wouldn’t have allowed someone who looked like my dad in there for awhile but there I was sitting with my dark brown dad eating food with names and ingredients I have literally never heard of and the chocolate cake melted into itself and chamomile tea is a gift from god

I read a lot of matt Murdock fanfiction today.

How am I 18 years old? I don’t want to… do anything ever… I want to read fan fiction and lay face down on the floor, but not even those two things can be accomplished at the same time.

NOTE: (redacted) means I took something out in case some certain irl people read this, maybe I should’ve taken the thing about tia 2 out but, well, I am somewhat at peace with death

[littlepuddingsugg]

Rumors

Request: Y/N is scared that the rumors of Joe dating a celebrity are true.

You and Joe had been in that hazy state of being friends but also being a little more than friends for a while now. The two of you hit it off rather nicely when you first met and your feeling for him only increased the more you hung out with him. But with him being in the social media spotlight 24/7 and also being busy, a relationship, you thought, would be too much for the both of you. Well theres that and another issue. 

Last summer, whilst scrolling through Twitter, you saw a few things about Joe trending. The trending links directed you to article after article about Joe having a summer fling with Little Mix’s singer Perrie Edwards. 

The boys had talked to Joe about this before and all Joe did was joke about he was finally able to pull a girl like Perrie Edwards. You knew that this wasn't even remotely true as you spent a majority of the summer with Joe and the boys, but you couldn't help but think that it just might be true. 

Joe was right. He’s a famous YouTuber and whether he admits it or not, he is in the public eye a lot. So hypothetically speaking, he could pull a girl like Perrie Edwards. 

You tossed your phone on the bed and threw your head back against the pillows. You had been scrolling through Twitter and once again, there was another article trending about Joe dating some celebrity. 

Your mind raced back to what Joe had said last summer and you let out a shaky breath. Obviously Joe’s fans would love to see him date another celebrity and not some girl who he met at a party. So why even try. 

Your eyes were burning with tears and you let one fall out just as your phone rang. Picking it back up, you saw Joe’s name across the screen. You sniffled and whipped your eyes before answering. 

“Hi” you said quietly.

“Y/N? You alright? You sound different.”

“No I’m fine. Whats up?”

“Can you come over and help me film? The boys are all busy and I need an extra hand. We can order dinner later” He asked, his voice going back to its cheery self.

“Um yeah, I can do that. I’ll be over in 15.″

“Thanks Y/N you're the best!”

You hung up the phone and tossed it back on your bed. Maybe its just best that you and Joe stayed friends. Recently he hasn't been his normal flirty self with you and you often thought if that would change if you happened to be some famous singer or movie actress or just another YouTuber. But you weren’t, you were Y/N Y/L/N. Just a girl who moved to London because she wanted to get out of the city she grew up in. A girl with an average job and an average flat, who happened to attend a party where a group of YouTuber’s who call themselves the Buttercream Squad had also been invited. A girl who had attracted the attention of one of the boys in said group that resulted in a rather good friendship with the rest of the boys. 

Now any normal person in this situation would probably be happy with being friends with these boys but you weren’t. Ever since that first conversation you had with Joe, you could've sworn that there was something between you two. But as the months went on, the constant flirting, being teased by the boys, and  phone calls/texts slowed. You rarely hung out with just Joe anymore or if you did, it would be that you were the last person available just like tonight. 

Maybe Joe had realized that he had been flirting with you and stepped back because thats not how he felt about you. Or that you’re not his type, aka someone famous.

As you shoved your shoes and coat on, you pushed all of these thoughts into the back of your head. You were going to help your friend film his video, order dinner and thats it. Nothing more. Thats what two friends do right?

After buzzing Joe’s door, you walked yourself into the elevator and let out a deep breath. You were honestly tired of this constant battle going on inside your mind. It was exhausting to think that you weren’t good enough for someone you had really strong feelings for. 

You walked out of the elevator and didn’t even jump when Joe jumped out from behind the corner making his weird noise he makes when he attempts to scare a person. 

You flashed Joe a small smile as he stood starting at you confused. 

“You alright?” He asked, watching you walk into his flat.

“Yeah just a lot on my mind”

“Must have since you didn't even flinch when you usually fall to the ground. Do you want to talk about it?”

“No its fine. Just stupid things. Lets go film your video.” You said walking into his spare bedroom. 

You helped Joe film his video which was a lot easier than it usually it. Usually the two of you would be laughing the whole time making him have to refilm parts over and over again but this time went pretty smoothly. You sat behind the camera mostly in silence, the thoughts you tried so hard to push away rushing back. 

“So what do you want to eat? We can order pizza, or we can go out somewhere. Doesn’t really matter to me.” Joe suggests after he finished his video. 

“Um I’m actually not that hungry to be honest. I think I might just head home” You said watching him remove the SD card from the camera and put it in his laptop. 

“Y/N whats wrong? This is not like you. Do you realized that you just turned down food? Free food at that because I was going to pay. You sat in silence the whole time I filmed which is very unusual because it normal takes us well over an hour to film. Please talk to me.” 

You were still sat on the ground, your eyes suddenly very amused by the way each strand was stitched together. 

“I told you I’ve just had a lot on my mind. It’s nothing really.”

“Bullshit” you jumped a little at his words. You lifted your gaze back up to him, watching as he came down and sat next to you on the ground. 

“Y/N please” he said placing a hand on your knee. 

Your eyebrows furrowed together as you looked down at his hand touching your leg. He slowly moved his hand away as he saw the unpleasant shift in your face. You let your head fall back against the wall with a thud and let out another deep breath. 

“Do you read your Twitter” you finally said after a long and uncomfortable silence. 

“..yes?” Joe said slowly, unsure of where you were going with this.

“Today, did you read the article about you having another fling with a celebrity?”

“Y/N is this what this is about? Because if it is, yes its a very stupid thing that we shouldn't even be discussion because I think if I did have a fling with a celebrity, I would've told you.”

“Would you though?” you asked, still not making eye contact with him.

“Would I tell you if I was dating a celebrity? Yes.”

“No, would you date a celebrity.” you said looking over at him. His face was scrunched up in confusion and you knew that this was probably the dumbest conversation you have ever had with someone. You wanted to just get up and leave but you’ve said too much for him to just forget this ever happened.

“Um, well thats a bit of a vague question don't you think?” He watched as your face shifted once more into a frown, your gaze going back to the carpet. 

“But no I wouldn’t. Celebrities have way too much to going on and so do I and it would just cause loads of problems don’t cha think?” He let out a small laugh that quickly faded after he realized we weren't laughing with him. 

“Y/N-?”

“What happened Joe?” You’re sudden question only left him even more confused. “What happened with us? We used to have fun together and laugh and talk for ages on the phone and we barely do that anymore.”

“I don’t know Y/N, you tell me. You've been so quiet all day and you’re not telling me much. I have no idea whats going on. I just called my friend who I haven't seen in a while because I’ve been busy and I'm sorry but I just wanted to hangout after we filmed the video but here I am sitting on the ground confused as hell.”

“UGH” you said getting up off the ground quickly and walking out of the room. 

“Y/N?!” he said grabbing your wrist, stopping you from walking further towards the door. 

You turned to look at him, the tears were streaming down your cheeks, making you feel even more embarrassed.

“Will you please just tell me what is going on. You know I’m not good in these types of situations and i’ve just come to the conclusion that I don't like to see you cry. So please, please tell me.” 

His face was soft and concerned. You let him pull you into a hug, you're tears staining his shirt. You pulled away and looking him in the eyes. 

“I like you Joe. I’ve liked you ever since you walked up to me at that party. And i thought you liked me too because our relationship was so flirty and care free and the boys would tease us about how cute we were and I thought we were cute because I thought we had something. But then there was the stupid Perrie Edwards article last summer and I remember you joking with the boys saying how you were finally able to pull a girl like her and thats been stuck in my brain ever since. We started slowly drifting apart, you being busy and all and our flirty conversations stopped and I only ever see you when were out with the boys or if you call because i’m the only one not busy. I’ve come to the realization after reading the other article today that you could be so much better than me and I feel like you realized that too...” You trailed the ending of your sentence off as you watched the frown form on Joe’s mouth. His eyes turned a shade bluer as the sorrow grew in them. 

You looked back down at the floor, realizing that wood floor was less appealing to look at before you felt a hand lift your chip up. You gaze met Joe’s for a split seconds before you felt his lips on yours. 

Everything inside of you exploded and when he pulled away you were speechless.

“The only thing I’ve realized Y/N is that I’m in love with you. It kind of scared me a little because I’ve never been in love before so I tired everything I could to slow down this rush I was feeling for you. But now a realize that that was a very bad decision on my part. I never meant to make you feel worthless because you're not. You’re prefect and beautiful and I’m sorry.” 

“Really?” was the only word your hazy brain could find.

“Yes” Joe laughed before pulling you into another hug. 

“I’m in love with you Y/N.”

“I’m in love with you too Joe.” You said looking up to kiss him again, you're head spinning once again. 

“Can we go get some food now that this is all sorted. I’m actually starving and I know you are too.” 

“Only if you pay” You joked before pulling him towards the front door, laughter filling the flat.

[unrrrreliable]

08.06.2021

so much stuff happened

i dont even know where to start lol. actually ive wanted to come on here a few times but i didnt know the password but oh well.

so to summarize all the stuff thats been happening/has happened this past 8 months: 1- school, no friends (in my class), same shit. 2- my dad got drunk on february 5th and got stuck in the fucking park at like 23.00 and my brother and i had to call security to open the gate and then we also had to call the police and the ambulance because he was too drunk and aggressive. and 3- i had this fucking piano competition on march 21st, got the 1 prize which was reaaallly wide as in a lot of people, even those who didnt really deserve it, got it. basically it was really fucking stressfull since i was practicing the wrong way, didnt make huge progress, wanted to stop and cried a lot. but hey its been a month (the 2nd and last part was on may 8th and it went pretty bad because i got like 5th prize. i know i competed against ppl who are in university but i still couldve done better and anyone who comforted me knows that. i also went to the therapist a few times. is it helping? well i cant say that it isnt, but yk. at least its someone i can talk to. 

right now i still have to practice for my piano exam which will be on june 24th. its going fine ig, although i didnt study properly for like a month. thank fuck tests are done bc i seriously couldnt do any more of that shit istg. 

to be fair whats worst in this precise moment is my school situation,. not academic, but social. so as you know, i havent reallyyy tried to be part of the boy group in my class, as in i dont really talk to them, mostly because i just have no idea of what to say to start a conversation so it gets really akward. but today my mom came into my room asking me if there was a cena di classe today and ofc i said no bc no one had invited me. but then i remembered that yesterday a few ppl were organizing something for today. i think it wasnt only the 4 guys but there also were some girls but im not sure. either was, not trying to be dramatic but that kinda hurt lol. like i know i dont talk a lot in class but what would it cost you to invite me. but whatever. i also cried 30 min ago. it felt good afterwards tbh. but i still kinda feel like shit. its just the fact that this whole school year ive been really fucking lonely. not 0 friend lonely, but generally in class i would be kind of a loner. like i only talked to the two girls who sit behind me and who of course have their own friend group, which they have had since middle scjhool. my middle school friend group basically dismantled since two of theme are in one class and therefeore formed their own group, two others went to another school and another one, which is basically the only one i talk to daily, is in a different school. and honestly we dont go out that much anymore because i stopped writing. i realized that i was the only one who would ever call them so i felt that i was being kinda clingy or maybe i just didnt get the message. anyways, i know that i couldve tried harder and actually get in the group but idk, i just didnt care. obviously it sucked to be alone and i knew why i was and what i had to do in order not to be it anymore, but idk why i just didnt try enough. so yeah this school year sucked ass. at least im changing classes next year. 

one of the reasons why i didnt really bond w them is that were just different people who have different tastes and interests. they talk a lot about video games and football, which i have no understanding of. generally every interaction i have with them is really akward. but still i feel like and know that i couldve tried harder. what sucked is that all my friends are in other classses and formed their own friend groups and are just moving on yk? it kinda tore apart the friend group but im happy for them. meanwhile i was stuck in that class. not many friends tbh, never went out and still never go out. wow nice im crying again. 

tbh what really sucked was going home at lunch or after school alone and seeing wveryone with their own friend groups. and yes again, i know that i could have waited for them or just tried to conversate with them, but whenever i waited for them or tried to catch up they just walked faster (not on purpose) but it was impossible to even squeeze myself in so i was just like whatever. also what really sucks is that they (plus another guy who literally is always hanging out with his girlfriend) are the only guys in my class. and i cant only hang out with girls cause yk.

i also miserably attempted to form a group which consisted of me g g v and v. it failed because g and g started getting all bitchy and viscious and i was like ok then fuck off. plus theyre always w their boy/girlfriend, and v is always w g. and i literaly have never even had a conversation with v. 

but im so glad m exists. shes one of my best friends. i really like being around her, talking to her, i like the way she just lives life and is up to anything. also she’s always there. i just love her so much. not in a romantic way though. i also really like f but she hangs out with her boyfriend every satuday, which was the day we used to hang out. i still love talking to her and being with her. those are basically roughly the only two people i hang out with. like i cant really think of anyone else except for my old middle school friend group with which the last time we all hung up was in march. 3 months ago. i hung out w a, in the middle of april i think. but that was it. so of course we dont hang out regularly. also, i havent gone out for the entirety of may, which again i know is my fault, like i couldve asked anyone in my class. the boys dont really go out tho, bc i know e only hangs out w his out-of-our-class friends. and tbh i feel like if the 4 of them went out he would invite me (questionable?). but idk. but again, i really like hanging out w her, acc we went to milan on friday. it was really nice. we both enjoyed it a lot. theres still something i wanna say about her but my mom is calling me so i have to wipe out my tears haha

see ya

[strawberryspeachy]

Its so hard to figure out which people are good and which ones arent

In college i really wanted to be friends with this one guy - he was in my friend group - ... he talked with me personally. We hung out one on one. He invited me to things. We joked around. But i always felt this wall between us. Like all signs pointed to us being friends but i coupd feel his deep rooted dislike for me. Of course its not like he ever hid it

Apparently my temples move when i chew... he asked me why they do that... i didnt know they did until then

He made fun of my clothes

He always told me i was doing stuff wrong or inappropriately

He told me i wasnt good at art and basically that im not smart

He outright told me no boy would ever like me because im ugly

Stuff like that

But when other people were jerks to me he stood up for me

Everyone else in our friend group would yell at him for the things he said to me... and they hurt everytime... but all the other things i mentioned. I convinced myself he was actually just being honest with me and calling me out? That we had a good relationship and i was just paranoid. After all he didnt even like people. I was one of the only people he talked to

But

I was friends with his ex. I became friends with her and then they started dating and she broke up with him and he never got over her. Turned out after 3 years he just talked to me to stay close to her. The moment he became interested in another girl - he stopped hanging out with me. And the second the ex stopped hanging out with me - he stopped talking to me

And any one of the mean things he had said yo me over the years should have clued me in to the fact that we werent actually friends. That the wall i felt was there

But then. Like i have this one friend. She super judgmental. She doesnt like a lot of the things i like and will go into tangents about why theyre bad. Shes a bit full of herself and things the stuff she likes is superior. She has a very black and white view of the world and shes not very sympathetic- mostly taking the “i told you so” route to most things.

But shes literally one of the only people in this world i could 100% trust and genuinely cares about me. Like shes proven this over and over again and shes probably the most selfless and generous person ive ever met

Its so hard for me.... to protect myself. ... i dont have a black and white view of the world but i do have it in regards to people around me. And its because i am INCAPABLE of liking a person without trusting them.

Once i get beyond aquaitance level with someone i cant help but be all or nothing.

Ask me how my day was - ill tell you everything

Ask me for help - ill drop most things and give you my all

Its not like i cant talk to aquaintances like a normal person. But the moment we start hanging out and texting or have a really good conversation where we lay out some serious thoughts - for me the floodgates are open

After that intial break through aquaintance i either like you or i dont. And honestly. Most of the time i like people. I don’t expect everyone to be the same and so long as you dont say a bunch of bigoted bs or act like an asshole (or a creep) - ill probably like you.

Lol i say that as though i dont dislike a lot of people. Idk thing issssss i dont even get to the regular talking with most people cause i kinda observe people before i even talk to them. Sounds weird. I dont like legit watch them. But i take notice. And i listen. Ill look at them when everyone else looks at them. And most times. I do decide - i dont wanna talk with them.

But when they talk to me or i dont dislike them while observing them. Then aquaitance talk.

So yea. Idk. I talk to jerky people who are a bit awkward and ill be like - eh. They dont mean to sound like an asshole. Their social skills are just a bit off

Or theyll start oversharif about intimate things and im like - theyre excited to talk to new people. Just an open person. Thats good ill know them better faster

They say some kinda jerky things about other people i just assume theyre going through a rough spot

What im saying. Is. I make excuses for people subconsciously once i decide i like them.

I cant tell what are red flags. And even when i can i just count it as them making a mistake. Especially if they apologize for it. I make mistakes all the time too- im sure they didnt mean it

Then maybe theyll do it more and ill take it as them feeling comfortable enough with me to know i wont judge them

I never end friendships. Other people end them with me.

Theres only one person in my entire life who i talked to but didnt want to and i tried to stop talking to her a couple times but she had a literal army of people obsessed with her who would come after you if you upset her at all

But yea otherwise... ive never ended a friendship with anyone...

Then after they stop talking to me im like

Hm. Well. There was that time they basically admitted to hating me. I really should have picked up on this outcome back then

And i think about all the times they hurt me and am like. Why did i put up with so much bs?

Because i hate being alone. Thats why. Idk i like people easily and i dont wanna go eat alone.

[caredogstips]

5 Components Of Small Town Life That We Cuss To God Are Real

Last week I was on a pretty well-received doubled podcast, speak about what it’s like growing up in a small town. Like most small town floors, the longer we talked, the weirder it got … and even after the recording, I realized that these areas have a lot more strange peculiarities that sound like the goddamn Twilight Zone to people who have never lived here. No, seriously.

5

Given Enough Time, You Will Be On The Front Page Of The Newspaper

I feel sorry for small town newspaper reporters. Every once in a great while, something appalling happens and provides them with an easy-going fragment of content for the working day. Like maybe the mayor goes busted for his third DUI and a brick of gras, or a coach gets arrested for masturbating in his gondola at a stoplight. Well, I mention “maybe, ” but both of those situations genuinely happened in the town I grew up in. The level is, we get at most three or four of those types of legends per year. The other 361 days are pure filler.

When you’re extending for content, anything becomes information. The prom queen doesn’t only oblige the figurehead page … she is the front page. The whole front page. The same stuff happens for the homecoming ruler. This is going to sound like a prank, but when I was a kid, I was on the front page of the newspaper because I noted a big mushroom. My brother became the front page for catching a big fish. My pa was on it for proliferating a huge tomato … four times .

Here’s a photo of my local newspaper. These parties are on the front sheet because they’re off-load boxes for a benevolence. It takes up half of the front page TAGEND

It’s actually harder to find someone who hasn’t been on the front page of the newspaper, than to meet people who have. When you take away the “front page” modifier and precisely talking here being in the newspaper as a whole, virtually everyone clears that schedule. Because in every small town article I’ve ever seen, there is a segment devoted to felonies. And when I enunciate “crimes, ” I represent all violations, from meth labs to jaywalking. If you get a ticket for driving 40 mph in a 30 mph zone, you’re in the next day’s paper.

I lived in Los Angeles for a couple of years back in the late 90 s, and when I told my new friends about this, they announced bullshit. I had to have one of my hometown friends forward me one of their newspapers so I didn’t look insane.

But it moves so far. Are you getting married? You’re taking up half of sheet three with your notice. You started a small business? There will be an entire article about it on page two. In the cities I currently live in, I haven’t told many beings what I do for a living because they’d consider that a kind of “celebrity” and there would be a spread on me within dates. That’s not paranoia — “theres” segments of our paper devoted to an old woman who certificates her epoch. As in, “My grandson came over today. He ate beans and hotdogs for lunch. We did some gardening. Earl set my irrigate heater, and mentioned I shouldn’t require a new one for a couple of years.”

Again , not a gag. That’s absolutely real.

If your neighbourhood school prevails a plays championship, that’s obviously going to shape the front sheet of the newspaper, but I saved that precedent because that one will be even weirder…

4

Sports Victories Go On The Town’s Sign Forever

Drive through the South and Midwest long enough, and you’ll start to see signalings like TAGEND

BONERTOPOLIS: Population 872 — 1996 Girls’ Jr. High Volleyball Regional Champions

The town’s name is certainly made up( though when I ultimately build my own municipality, that’s what I’m calling it ), but the rest of that information is not. If your neighbourhood plays teams — and by that, I symbolize junior high and high school — acquires any kind of championship, your town will reputation you by putting that information on the road signed. And that shit stays there eternally .

Your town becomes known for that, even if the championship was 30 years ago. My original hometown had acquired four regime championships: two in the 1970 s and two more in the 1980 s. For each year, a picture of the team was blown up to 10 hoofs wide and hung side by side on the gymnasium’s wall. Those four, massive, black-and-white photos tower over everyone while we played dodging ball in PE. Judging us. Criticizing us.

TerryJ/ iStock Except Tony. That guy was a fucking prodigy .

Remember the indicate Married … With Children ? Al Bundy was a former high school football star, and in several episodes, he’s treated like a god by some old friends who remember the big game. Everyone else kind of buns their seeings at his old “glory days” floors, but there are a handful of people who still worshipped him. Take that small-scale group and expand it to the whole township, and that’s what Midwestern and Southern small towns are like.

The discrepancies between real small-town athletics heroes and Al Bundy is that if you take advantage of that minor fame, you can make a very good living from it. I know several members of those old-fashioned units who used their mentions as advertising and started very successful occupations. When everyone in city knows your name, advertising your business is just necessary.

vm/ iStock GET that shit out of my FACE, son! This is MY house !

Remember the high school basketball hero from Parks And Recreation ? In a small town, that person isn’t sarcastic. He’s absolutely real.

3

You Can Gauge Someone’s Wealth By Their Truck’s Tires

I mentioned earlier that I formerly lived in Los Angeles. I actually lived in quite a few big cities before reconciling down in my current small town. One circumstance I always obtained creepy was that in a town, you can easily tell someone’s fortune by what they drive … but it’s not how you think. Obviously, if anyone owns a Porsche or Ferrari, they’re either rich or a GTA character. It exits a bit farther than that, though.

Both middle-class and rich people can render a mid-range sports car like a Mustang or a Charger. But rich people will typically have 1) the decked out form, and 2) theirs will be cleaner. Not just because they can afford to have it cleaned more often, but because they are much more likely to own a garage, so birds aren’t shitting on it all day. Obviously, all of that is a exceedingly loose the principles of the rule of thumb, but you get where I’m going with it.

ewastudio/ iStock Definitely under $40 k a year .

Yes, we do have luxury and sports cars here, but everyone normally knows, “Damn, that’s a sugared Mercedes. Oh, yeah, that’s the doctor’s car.” In a small town, especially in the Midwest and South, the majority of members of vehicles are trucks. And though “luxury” trucks do exist, you won’t find numerous here, because trucks are used for duty and practicality. So the majority of members of trafficking in human beings is Silverados, F150s, and Rams. Each with a bigass pup in the bed. At this quality, I’m pretty sure the dogs come with the trucks, whether you miss one or not.

So here’s my extent: Since all of the trucks mostly search the same, and most of them “re in the same” general rate range, the only room to tell someone’s financial status is to look at the tires. If you determine a jacked-up truck with a huge raise paraphernalium( those raise it up, various kinds of like a monster truck) and monstrous tires, you know the person makes a reasonably damn good living. Or at the least their parents do.

That’s because those bigass tires can cost a duo thousand dollars for a start. No, seriously, here’s one type of “muddin'” tire for $550 each . That’s not counting the rims. Add in a fancy fixed of those, and you can easily double that toll. That lift gear I mentioned? Tacking on another $1400. Crave a badass exhaust system? Here’s another $1500. “Theres” 18 -year-old kids in my municipality who have more coin wrapped up in tires and supplementaries than I do in my entire vehicle. But because we all dress basically the same way in this field( jeans, t-shirts, baseball hats ), the only room you’d ever know they had money is by seeing that truck.

2

Guidances Are … Weird

I mentioned on that bigass podcast that devoting guidances in a small town is pretty weird for people who’ve never lived in one. Since everyone knows everybody else( even if they don’t know you, they’re familiar with you ), directions often boil down to, “You know where Chad Nickelback lives, right? I’m right across the street from him.”

Even if you don’t know the exact being, you know the place by the tales associated with them TAGEND

“You know James Countryfuck, right? “

“Hmmmmm … I don’t think so.”

“Yeah, ya do. He’s got that bigass Rottweiler that killed Susan Thunderfist’s cat back in October. The big green live that had the burn back in 2010? “

“OOOOOHHHH, yeah, I know the place.”

I don’t think that’s all that outraging to people who live in metropolitans, though. I entail, we’ve identified movies with trash like that in them. What I find actually strange is the fact that we often give directions in relation to where acts USED to be. As in, “You know where the Dairy Queen used to be? It’s two obstructs down from there.”

There are two reasons for that. The first is that businesses often appear and disappear in a matter of years. Fast-food eateries tend to stick around, but local mama and papa accumulations go out of business lightning fast. Any business that persists around long enough to commit to remembrance was becoming landmark. Then when that landmark vanishes, the only practice you know to describe it is in relation to what it used to be. “Remember the old-time dildo plant that’s now a faith? My house is down that road.”

The second reason is strangely because of the 911 organization. That didn’t make its road into a lot of rural areas until the mid 1980 s. Before that, all of the many, numerous dirt and gravel roads were not distinguished or referred. If you called the police or fire department or simply sacrificed guidances to a sidekick, it was done in that same space, just to get them to the road that leads to your live . The streets in city were called, clearly, but a large part of the town’s inhabitants lived in the country.

Once the 911 method was enforced, the roads had to be named in order to give better( actual) tendencies. Otherwise, half of the emergency announces would be, “OK , now you’re gonna switch off of the freeway where Benny Farmshovel’s old-time cattle farm used to be. Then you’re gonna drive about six miles until you look the old garbage yard.” We exactly never got over that procedure of contributing directions, so we still do it.

1

The “Friendliness” Can Get Imposing And Outright Creepy

Let me tell you a tale about a high-school kid who got a dildo stuck in his ass.

The story starts that a person I went to high school with bought a dildo for his girlfriend. She told him she wouldn’t employment it until he did. So “hes taking” one for the team and used it. All of it. And then some. After a very extended effort to remove it himself, he realise it wasn’t going to come out without some medical assistance. So he drove himself to the emergency room, had it removed, and no one is spoke of it again.

Until four minutes later when every single person on research hospitals staff spoke of it again. And again. And again. They went home and told their marriages. Their spouses told their friends. Their acquaintances told everyone at every table. Eventually, everybody in township know exactly why it — and when I articulate “eventually, ” I intend “by sundown.”

In a small town, “youre not” anonymous. If you’ve ever sold so much as a single seam, everyone knows you as “the drug dealer.” If you’re a teenage girl who bought teenage pregnancies measure, you are now “the high school slut, ” even if you’ve exclusively had fornication formerly. It doesn’t even matter if your fib is “juicy” or not. One of your best friend went to the only proper eatery in township and had a salad. The next day, one of his teachers asked him if he was on a food. Because she knew the attendant, and somewhere in the middle of bullshit small talk, his figure came up, and the server mentioned he only ordered a salad.

But, hey, perhaps you don’t used to go that much. Perhaps you don’t have a “thing” for them to label you as. You’re not the “child molester” or “7am mowing guy.” You exactly obstruct to yourself and simply go out of the house when you were supposed to. Yeah , now you’re the most famous person in city, because nobody knows nothing about you. You’re strange. You’re “the creepy guy who never comes out of his house.”

Have you ever seen Gilmore Girls ? The path their fellow citizens of that municipality operate is route a little bit closer to actuality than parody.

It’s not just gossip, though. Since you often only have one or two grocery stores, you end up on a first-name basis with every teller. Buying nutrient becomes a social event … which may sound cheerful at first, until you’re standing in line, waiting to pay for your ice cream, and the four parties in front of you all start the talks with the girl behind the counter.

“Hi, Nancy! How are the kids? “

“Oh, they’re going huuuuuge! Jason is in football this year. And last week, you won’t feel what he did at the family reunion. You know how my uncle Barry only has one leg, right? Well, Jason was play-wrestling with him like they do, and…”

Every. Single. Customer. They still keep talking, even after they’ve paid. If you interrupt them, you’re the asshole, because they were just being friendly. You’re the impatient dickhead who can’t wait two extra hours for them to wrap up their speech. By the time you get to the front of the line, you’re not buying ice cream, you’re to purchase a bad milkshake.

Don’t get me wrong — I affection it here. It’s quiet and simple-minded. It’s tightening. But to my friends who live in large-scale metropolitans, it’s the fucking Twilight Zone . Still, I desire the look upon their faces when they have to have an emergency dildo removal while they’re call, and the teller questions them about it the next day. It’s why I live here.

John Cheese is a Sr. Editor and head of article for Cracked. Here’s his stupid Twitter .

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[rezby]

reminiscions, so to speak

I’ve been thinkin about this for a while, but havent really sat down to try to formulate this. But a lot of people whom I knew as teenagers or early 20s, when I was a teenager. There are sooo many people who are now (publically) trans, or at least not-cis, that I remember from back in jr high or high school, before anybody had really figured out The Genders. It makes me really glad, to see how many people are self-actualizing. I love to see the updates in their lives that they post on fb, at least the ones who haven’t defriended me. (This enjoyment is only a little vicarious, truth be told. It is mostly genuine happiness for them).

I know its very likely that I’ll never reconnect with any of the people with whom i’ve grown distant (not through any fault of their own. it really is 90% circumstances (everybody moving across the country, to either like boston or ... seattle? portland? Big Oregon City, or for those who are still local just issues of me not having a lot of free time with which to hang out with them) and 10% my hell brain self-sabotaging relationships/avoiding everything), but I often think about them and how they’re doing.

One of the people I’ve mentioned hasn’t defriended me on FB, and I still interact with their posts every now and then - I think a lot about the time when I was 16 and said some really horrific things to them without realizing just what I was saying. I’ve been feeling terrible about it, but I know I’ll never actually send them the apology I want to send - they deserve better than to be reminded of it out of the blue.

At one point last October, I was on this other person’s FB wall, i dont even remember why. sometime in like january or Dec, I saw a comment on somebody else’s status by somebody with the same last name as this person, with similar viewpoints. I click around, and figure out that this person has defriended me, and also publically came out on fb as trans. Last week I saw a photo posted of them with their sign at the chicago trans liberation march (which obvs I didnt go to, i’m not Out and I dont intend to be, until the time of my choosing, so i dont interact publically with Trans (tm) things. i’m fb friends with both my parents), and they looked really happy. Not about the occasion, but as a person, it looked like they had let an awful amount of weight off their shoulders. I remember them being as deeply unhappy as many of us  were, back in high school (a lot of us were deeply depressed. It just turns out for a few of us that the depression was tied to the Genders so getting stuff done for the one helped the other). So, I’m glad that theyve realized their gender and are happier for it. I also wonder (a lot) if thats why they defriended me - I’m not really out on fb, and since I haven’t spoken to this person in years they probs wouldn’t even know that I’m also non cis, so maybe they defriended me when they did their official fb transition stuff. I get it, it would make sense to, but... it still wounds me, a bit.

those two were a couple years older than me and I was never that close to ‘em in high school. this third person was in my grade and a couple classes with me, and.... I was a horrible person to them. Not intentionally, I’ve always had the best of intentions, but that doesn’t mean the actions i had done weren’t horribly misogynistic or racist. A few things I didn’t even realize until years later, what I actually had been doing. They defriended me a couple years back. They’re non-cis as well, but I dont know anything more specific than that.

That was the Complicated Feelings w/r/t the non-cis folk i knew in high school. I had some online friends whove also come to realize their own genders as well, who I’ve also grown apart form. This one was largely due to MSN messenger no longer being a thing, and then me getting busy with irl stuff and basically never being online anymore. I don’t really got any Complicated Feelings for most of this group, its mostly that I miss them but realize there’s p much no feasible way to get back into regular comms with them, and I’ve accepted that.

There was one person, who knew they were trans all the way back when I first met them. But they never talked about it with me. At least 85% of our conversations were political. At the time, I was in early high school, where I was a libertarian at the time. They were staunchly communist, I figure marxist is probs the best term for their beliefs but I’ll be honest, I know jack diddly squat about the academic details of the different schools of communist thought. Anyways, we chatted a lot on MSN back when that was around. At one point I started FB friending the other online friends I’ve got, but this person never actually accepted the friend request. its still in their inbox. I last talked to them about 3 or 4 years ago, I believe in my 2nd year of college. I asked why they hadnt accepted the friend request and they said somethin to the tune of ‘im an asshole lol’. this persons typing style is completely different from that but thats the effect my memory has of that message. Our conversation at the time also turned political. Now, after getting to college and having my eyes opened at, well, a lot of stuff, i’ve since become fairly leftist. probably communist? socialist? idk. Anyways, at the time, I was pretty caught up in the politics of one tumblr user Moneycat. If you weren’t around for that, the gist of it (as i recall) was that... actually, i honestly can’t recall the minutae or which parts werent very good. there are other posts going around from some years back that go over her politics and the flaws thereof. one of their ideas was that gender is a social class, inasmuch as bourgeoisie or proletariat are, and that trans women are a distinct social class from cis women and men. I had recently read one of her posts about how gender theorizing had led her to become a communist, and how the two were inextricably linked, and tbh she was this huge popular rly smart trans lady blogger so i p much hero worshiped her and adopted as many of her politics as i could understand. So I tried explaining this gender theory of communism to my old communist pal, and they were very displeased by it. I did a poor job, to be sure, but they disagreed staunchly. I dont remember the other details of what I was arguing but I do remember it was more out there than just what i’ve typed so far. Cuz I opened the conversation with “hey did you know that i’ve also become a communist now?” or somethin like that, and they were like ‘oh nice, how did you come to this conclusion?” and I went into moneycat’s gender communism and they did not agree. And that was our last conversation. and idk how to start conversations. Even tho we’re not fb friends, i can still IM them via fb, so the option is always open, but I never do it. I miss this person a lot, and its been hurting me for years that they never accepted the friend request. we actually had been decently close online (as far as I recall. i have poor memory at best in general, and there’s a good chance I actually have brain trauma that’s making my memory even worse but that appointment is in may). and they’re fb friends with all our mutual online friends. so its just me. i’m not good enoguh.

And I know if I actually ever made a snapchat I could probably easily get back in contact with literally everybody ever, I know for a fact that all but the last person have snapchats, and I’m p sure that they’d all be receptive to at least messages over it, but.... I tried making a snapchat once, and was immedietely conflicted. Do I go with my IRL name and snap with my family and classmates and colleagues? If I do that, I dont want to have my snapchat available online here cuz I want to maintain at least a veneer of separation between my online identity and my “family” “professional” identity.  Or do I go with my online name, but then refuse to snap w/ like my mom and sis? I ended up deleting the app and never doing anything with it. so I basically refuse to have a snapchat, and p much only have fb these days, which... is not the best method of communication.

Compounding this is my awkwardness with people i’ve known for a while - my memory really does get atrocious about some things, to the point where i’ve hung out with people for years before actually knowing 100% their name. this is deeply embarassing for me, and I dont wanna hurt em, so I dont let on that I dont remember their names. especially if i’ve known them for forever, but havent had a ton of meaningful interactions with them, theres a v good chance i’ll know them, i’ll recognize them, but i wont be able to drum up their name from the depths of my mind. this is awkward. so i sometimes avoid going to places where there are people who might fit this bill. some people from high school who I kinda knew and hung out in the same friend group as me, and a lot of my not immediate (step)relatives. so at the photos for the trans march, where I saw the photo of the one person from 2nd bullet point, I also saw a lot of other people from high school who I’d be awkward around. altho this reminds me, there was a 4th person actually, from high school as well. i think... they blocked me? i dot remember. i know they werent on fb a lot, but they were fb friends with me. i just went through my own friend list as well as that of 2 people who i thought would be mutuals with them but... i dont see them. I’m p sure i recall seeing like,,,, last year or 1.5 years ago that they had changed their fb name from their birth name to a feminine name, as well as changed their gender and all that other stuff that comes with coming Out? but I dont recall and I cant find em anymore. if they have blocked me.... oh well. nothin i can do about it. about any of it really. nothing that i’m going to do anyways.