#these are old and I know they’re terrible

[zuzuelectricbugaloo]

Two Steps Forward, One Step Back

Pairing: Sans/Sans, Crepic, Cross/Epic

Rating: T

CW: I don’t believe any apply, but there is non-sexual grooming and bathing together.

Synopsis: A slightly hurt/comfort oneshot for @twinribbonz Chimera Cross AU. It’s about a month after Cross and Epic reunited. Cross feels useless and terrible, his broken wings and grimy body irritating him but he can’t do anything to help it. Or so he thought. Leave it to Epic to help Cross without the other feeling like a burden, the other skeleton determined to get it through Cross’s head that self-care is mandatory and Cross deserves all the self-indulgence he can give. It’s totally only because they’re best friends, nothing else.

Word Count: 10,459

Cross scratched at his arms whilst stalwartly ignoring the unwanted itchiness of his grimy feathers and scales. He shifted in place and rubbed at the few spots he could reach. No matter how much he scratched, the agitated feathers and scales continued to fester and burn. His limp wings caught on the ground of his enclosure below him. An unwanted weight that ached just as much as the rest of this new accursed form he called a body, that he wished he could just tear and rip them clean off.

He continued to scratch, razor shop distals harshly scraping bone against bone and sending down feathers falling one by one to the floor, while the angry buzzing in his skull grew from a quiet murmur to a reverberant roar. His chest vibrated while he unknowingly began to growl in discontent and bitter, repugnant tears welled in his sockets.

Dirt and old crusted magic has gathered within his feathers, his scales, and deep within the grooves of his bones. The sense of wrongness, at having objects wedged within the spaces of his distals and phalanges and betwixt sensitive bone bubbled and boiled in the back of his throat in a rageful, soundless scream.

Before he could give in to the impulsive urge and violently dismember himself of his upper extremities, a familiar deep, sonorous voice calls his name.

Cross perks up, his pain almost forgotten entirely, as his Soul skips a beat faster from the flood of warmth that fills his chest. He can’t quite smile — he feels far too uncomfortable — though his tempestuous glare does fall into something more relaxed.

Epic waddles into the enclosure he’d designed for Cross post-metamorphosis while carrying a large crate with contents Cross couldn’t immediately discern.

“Sup bruh!”

“Hey dude.”

A quiet ‘hup!’ and Epic sets the crate down with a thud onto the floor. He straightens and slaps his hands together in a dramatic show of dusting them off. “How’s my favorite bruh doing?”

Cross could complain that feels extremely uncomfortable and gross and utterly wrong in a body that no longer felt like his own. Epic’s presence was both a welcome reprieve and a pressing reminder of his discomforted state.

“Fine,” he decided.

Besides him, Epic is humming and bustling around. One moment he’s bending forward and taking things out of the crate and the next he’s fiddling with a panel of buttons with scribbled notes he’d installed into the wall.

Cross curiously inspected the assortment of items Epic had set out. “What’s all this for?”

“You’ve mentioned your feathers haven’t been feelin’ too good lately, so I did some research,” Epic answered as he removed his leather gloves and set them aside. He rolled up his sleeves and reached for another pair within his coat’s pocket, “And they recommended this is the best way to care for feathers like yours.”

Annoyance and guilt is a tumultuous concoction that roils in his nonexistent gut and combusts outward into a vexed growl before he could stop it. He tried to hide his limp wings further but they laid, broken and useless just like him, tucked into his sides from where his draconic bottom half sat. “I already told you and Chara both, they’ll heal on their own.”

“I know,” Epic soothed. “I won’t try an’ heal them. I just wanted to clean ‘em a bit, that’s all.” Epic’s smile falls at the corners as he gazes purposefully over his body. The inspection has Cross defensively straightening his back and feathers bristling before he can think of why he’d do that.

“Figured you probably weren’t feeling too great after not showering for a hot minute.”

With dawning horror and shame, Cross realizes he hadn’t exactly been able to bathe after…everything. Shit, he hopes he doesn’t smell that bad after a month.

When Epic’s turned back around to fiddle with his machinery, Cross takes a quick sniff under his left humerus and winces. Nope, he smelled that bad.

At least Epic had been kind enough to not make a face, or point out how awful he smelled.

“An’ I know how much you like keepin’ it spick and spiffy,” Epic continued and Cross swiftly snapped his arms back into place. “So I realized my buddy hasn’t really treated himself in a bit, and ya boi can’t let that criminally offensive injustice stand! Sooooo,” Epic twirled dramatically, his trenchcoat swaying behind him with a flourish as he posed and winked at Cross to shoot him double finger guns.

“I’ve been workin’ on a lil somethin’ I think you’ll like.” Epic’s sockets crinkle into upturned crescents as he beams and gestures to the panel. “Drumroll, please!”

Cross’s mouth quirked up in the corner as he indulged his best friends and pantomimed beating drums in midair as he droles, “dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun.”

Epic flicked a switch and suddenly, Cross feels a vibration in the air and startles, craning his torso to the side and up as he watches the walls shift and expand around him until there’s an entirely new room opened before him, and Cross can’t help but gape as he witnesses his enclosure’s transformation.

It was a wide thing, with high-vaulted bars Epic had hastily concocted with aid from both his blasters and gravity magic until he’d formed a loft large enough to provide Cross with a roof over his head. A makeshift bed compiled of mattresses lumped together to support Cross’s draconian body and a blanket that had taken Epic a day to sew until it could comfortably cover and tuck Cross in. He’d insisted he was fine and didn’t need any of this, especially since he didn’t even need a pillow when he could simply slump back onto his larger dragon to sleep.

But of course Epic insisted, and Cross was glad his token protest was taken in stride. The “bed” and blanket made him feel less like a beast, and regained a sense of normalcy again.

It helped that it smelled like him, that when Epic was gone Cross could bring the blanket up to his nose indent and inhale, slow and deep, his friend’s scent and calm as warmth and rightness filled him as cookies and sweets flooded his head. How the intent Epic had when he sewed the fabrics together was absorbed into the soft, plush cotton, the weight of the echoed feelings of care and the desire to help and reassurance I’m here from the comforter better than the sweetest lullaby when the imprints whispered genuine devotion from the Soul.

If Cross had thought crafting him a room and bed was unbearably kind of his best friend, then this was a magnanimous gesture of…he couldn’t say, for it had stolen his thoughts before it had a chance to even form into words.

When Epic flicked the switch and the walls shifted, they had transformed into a doorway that revealed a familiar bathhouse come to life. Intricate wooden structures and ornate decorations, including a painted scene of a lofty hilltop and clouds blowing in the wind. Polished floors pan over to a shower head high above the ceiling surrounded by an intricate system of cords and what he thinks is a sling. Over by the center of the room is a raised, deep tub made of polished wood.

This scene, excluding the shower area off to the side, was something straight out of a movie. In particular, a movie they’d seen during one of their anime marathons.

Bewildered, Cross glanced down at his friend. “Is…Is this Spirited Away?”

“Yeah!” Epic beamed up at him. “It’s supposed to look like one of the private baths in Yubaba’s bathhouse.”

“Like the one where Chihiro bathes the river spirit?”

“Nailed it in one, bud.”

Unsurprisingly, Cross is reminded of how incredible his best friend is, his chest feeling tight with fondness tinged in awe.

“I don’t…how did you find the time to do all this?” How had he not noticed? He’d literally been sleeping in the next room over.

“One of the many perks ‘bout not needin’ ta sleep too much,” Epic explained. “While you snooze and adorably loaf the night away, I got ta buildin’. Interior design isn't really my forte, I’ll admit, but Color’s surprisingly got a real knack for it. He helped me out with some of the schematics.”

Cross ignores the twinge of irritation at the mention of the pyro-afflicted skeleton. Big deal, so what if Epic had other friends he hung out with? He’s being ridiculous.

And it’s not like Epic made Color a special bathroom from one of their favorite movies, Cross smugly thought. And Cross was Epic’s best friend, not Color.

Still, it rubbed him the wrong way, the thought of Color leaning against Epic as they talked and looked over Epic’s work. His marrow boiled at the thought of Color placing his arm over Epic’s shoulders, or around his waist, scenting him—

An annoyed growl rumbled out his throat before he could stop it. He promptly leaned forward and pulled Epic into his arms. Already well used to Cross manhandling him, Epic simply gasped in surprise before relaxing as Cross nuzzled him, rubbing his skull all over and pressing his nasal aperture insistently into the grooves of Epic’s cervical vertebrae, the angled curve of his sharp jawline, rubbing until he was content Cross’s — and not Color’s — scent had been marked all over his best friend.

“That’s actually amazing, dude.” Cross murmured into Epic’s neck before he pulled back to grin, satisfied, at the other skeleton. “I can’t believe you did all this.”

Epic’s grin turns sheepish. He rubs the back of his hooded skull as Cross smiles at him. “Aw c’mon bro. Like I said, what kinda bestie would I be if I didn’t try an’ make ya happy?”

You already do.

The embers of warmth that flickered at the thought now blazed, an inferno of wonder.

“A-anyway!” Epic suddenly laughs, a pitch high for his smooth baritone, his cheekbones tinted violet. “Since you’re an absolute unit of a mad lad now, I thought we could have a spa day. Get you nice and pampered for a quick pick me up. And after the one you gave me, heh.” He chuckled at his joke.

Epic…Cross realized what he was doing.

He was trying to make Cross feel normal, feel comfortable in his body and how their relationship hadn’t changed at all despite Cross’s drastic change of himself.

It still wasn’t give and take. It was always give and care, nurture and cherish, trust and adore.

“So your job for today,” Epic patted the fluff adorning Cross’s exposed ribs. “As the coolest best pal in the history of ever, is to relax an’ treat yo’ self. If you don’t mind, I’m your personal self-care attendant for the day!” He gently ran his hand through the soft and snowy feathers. “I know it’d be hard for ya to clean this part, so I’ll help with that.”

As nice as the thought of Epic grooming him was, the imagery almost pulling a low purr out of him, Cross still felt shame swirl low in his abdomen.

“I don’t—” Cross hesitated. He wanted that, but it made him feel weak. Undeserving.

Useless.

“I—I feel like a burden.” How pathetic was he that he couldn’t even care for himself anymore? That he was making Epic take care of him.

How selfish was he that he liked it…

“Cross,” Epic’s stern voice throws him off. “You’re never a burden.”

“But—”

“Never.” Epic’s not having it. “I’m doing this because I want to, because I care about you.”

“And, again,” Epic grins, lifting his hands and reaching out for him and Cross instinctively reaching back, their hands slotting together like pieces of puzzle despite how Cross was now more than twice his size.

“What kind of best friend would I be if I didn’t help my buddy out when he needs me?” Softer, he squeezes Cross’s hands, his covered thumbs stroking the back of Cross’s palms. “I wanna take care of you.”

Both of Epic’s eyes are open, white and violet eyelights gazing into Cross’s own orbs in an open display of vulnerability. It was a Soul melting sight, Cross’s chest becoming warm once more as Epic reveals one of the parts of himself that he hates the most to Cross.

“Let me take care of you,” Epic implored. A tingle travels up Cross’s spine.

Ambivalent towards himself, he’s torn between his hubris and exhaustion. Why was it always so easy to maintain a façade around others, but with Epic all it took was his sweet, earnest supplication, and Cross crumbled, desperate not to fall but he’d fallen anyway.

His mouth feels dry and there’s a fluttering in his nonexistent gut. He wants to say yes, to fall into the safety that was Epic and follow him wherever he’d lead them both. But his pride is always his undoing. “I’m not some baby to be coddled, I’m a soldier. I was the X-Event,” he spits out far harsher than he means to, “A threat to the very fabric of the multiverse itself.”

Epic nods. “I know.” He states it like it's a fact.

“I can take care of myself just fine.” No he can’t. He’s useless, just look at his broken wings and barbaric horrorshow amalgamation of a body.

“You can, and you do,” Epic agrees easily. “You’re phenomenal as you are Cross. I don’t doubt you’ll always be able to take care of yourself no matter what happens.”

“But we’re best friends, yeah?” Cross nods and Epic continues. “So we’ll always take care of each other. I want to take care of you always not ‘cause I think you’re incapable or impotent,”

How did Epic always know what he was thinking?

How could Epic read his unvoiced thoughts and feelings like a book, like Cross had always been a part of him and always will be?

He adores the solicitude as much as it terrifies him.

“It’s ‘cause you mean a lot to me.”

Iridescent alabaster and glittering violet orbs of life glisten within onyx voids. The loveliest stars Cross had ever seen, shining bright just for him as they waited patiently for him. Always patient, always kind.

“Yeah, yeah,” Cross’s voice comes out rougher than he means it to. “Same here.”

Those luminous mismatched eyelights impossibly brighten further as Epic’s smile stretched. “And it won’t just be you. I’ll join ya! Never been to a bathhouse myself so ‘m also pretty excited.”

Cross perked up. Epic would let Cross groom him?

He titters a happy chirp as Epic pats his side, a signal to let him down. Reluctantly, Cross leans down until he can set Epic back on his feet and onto the ground.

Cross realized something as Epic turned back to the panel. “Wait, how’re you gonna reach me?”

“With a little swing and a fling.” Epic pushes a button and a swing/like harness lowers itself from the ceiling to hang beside the scientist. He hooks himself into the harness and shoots Cross a wink before his thumb presses down on a different switch.

With a click he’s hoisted up until he’s brought to eye-level with a bewildered Cross. Giggling and idly kicking his legs in carefree asymmetric swings as he leans forward with a single digit to tap the front of Cross’s nose indent.

“Boop.” Cross blinked. “Like this.”

Epic fiddles with the controls on the harness to zoom around Cross, whose head jerks to the side to follow his movements. “So we can both sit back and relax.”

“Okay.” Cross’s Soulbeat quickened when Epic maneuvered himself down to the crate to scoop up a bucket full of various supplies. “First thing’s first, we gotta get all the gunk and debris stuck in your feathers out before we trim your wings. Not heal,” Epic hastily added before Cross could interject. “Just trim. To keep it from getting too long.”

Cross slowly nodded. Their length had been getting annoying. “Okay. What next?”

Epic’s hands softly stroke the feathers of Cross’s right side as he answers. “Then we get you soaped up and rinsed off in a shower to get the last of the muck off ya. And then get ya soaked river spirit style.”

Low, pleased purrs emit from his throat as Epic starts to weave his phalanges into the feathers of his right side, gently plucking and scraping off whatever dirt and unwanted waste he finds. Cross’s eyes slowly close instinctually as he relishes in the feeling of Epic’s careful ministrations against his body.

Cross’s voice was low when he questioned, “Why shower if we’re bathing anyway?”

“So you don’t lay in your own filth pretty much,” Epic’s humming paused as he explained. “And then you soak up all the fancy minerals from the bath. ‘S one reason why you stay in there for a while.” He plucked out a stick caught between Cross’s feathers and threw it to the side with a bemused expression. “‘Cause you wanna absorb all that good shit.”

“Skeletons soaking in hot, mineralized water…” Cross mused. “So, we’ll be making bone broth then.” Epic let out a startled bark of laughter, Cross’s mouth quirked upwards in a proud grin as his friend switched to another segment.

“LOL, more like cricket broth.”

It took him a second before he got it and Cross groaned with a roll of his eyelights. “I told you already,” Cross grumbled. “Dragon bod, I’m not an insect.”

“Technically y’are. Six limbs~” Epic retorted in a playful, sing-song voice.

“I’ll smack you with my tail.”

Epic’s decadent, silken, sonorous bass of a voice is going to be the death of him, even in jest, as he jokes, “Gonna whip me for bein’ disobedient?” Epic purred, meeting Cross’s gaze as he wiggled his boney brows and winked. “Kinky.”

Cross flushed purple and contemplated if bucking Epic off of him would be worth it or not. He was about to snark back when Epic’s leather glides across his hind leg’s feathers and dips down and betwixt them until he’s stroking his body itself.

The full-bodied shudder travels up and down his spine like he’d been zapped by electricity. Immediately after his head goes warm with the rest of him as his top half slumps forward slightly and he groans in sweet, sweet relief. That awful, incessant itch that had plagued him for weeks was finally being taken care of and oh, stars, he never knew how much he’d needed this until now.

“Poor thing,” Epic murmured under his breath. Unaware Cross’s hearing had sharpened with the rest of his senses and caught on. “This must’ve been a real bitch to deal with.”

Epic is methodical with his touch, each caress of his gentle hands running through Cross’s feathers sends a soothing sensation throughout his entire body. Rhythmic strokes and careful attention to every one of his snowy plumes evoke a sense of relaxation and trust so deep Cross could fall asleep upright from the bliss.

But as good as this felt, as nice as the tentative scratches against the heated flesh beneath his plumage was, Cross wanted more. He wanted to feel Epic’s hands, free from the gloves, run over his body and through his feathers entirely.

He wanted his mate to groom him proper, feel no physical barrier between them in this intimate moment of connection.

Cross flushed when he requests as casually as he can, “Can you take the gloves off?”

Epic pauses. His fingers retreat from the feathers they’d been stroking and Cross almost growls in vexation that he’d stopped those heavenly caresses. “Oh, sorry bruh.” Without a second thought Epic slid his gloves off and stuffed them in his coat pocket. “Must be uncomfortable feelin’ leather rubbin’ all over ya.”

Rhythmic strokes, gentle caresses, Epic’s rich voice full of warmth and deep with affection. “Better?” He asked.

Cross nodded, his rolling purrs drowning out all his remaining thoughts. “So much. Thanks, dude.”

“No worries bud.”

Epic hated his hands. Despised their mutilated appearance, hated exposing his hands because of the holes in the middle of his palms. Results that were forced on him by unwanted experimentation and made him resemble his bastard creator.

He should be ill at ease, from not only having them displayed but also touching someone dear to him.

But he can’t. And he isn’t. Instead, he feels content, fluttering warmth deep in his Soul and in his chest as Cross melts underneath Epic’s touch. It's like his Eye, how he only felt truly comfortable with raw vulnerability when it was with Cross. Something about his best friend just made it seem so easy.

Eventually, Epic reaches one of the limp wings. They’re mostly numb to Cross, but the skeleton tenses anyway when Epic begins to groom the wing at the plumage of the upper wing coverts.

Carefully, slowly, Epic gently plucks at and sifts through the feathers, far more tentative than with the feathers on Cross’s body. Sliding and gingerly pecking with his phalanges any clutter he finds and lets it fall to the floor as he maneuvers himself within his harness.

Cross preens, chirping happily when Epic swiftly moves from the down feathers to the primary and secondary coverts. Once he’s reached the tip, he pauses, stroking the feathers as he glances up at Cross.

“Is it alright if I start trimming?”

Cross doesn’t realize the affirmative he vocalized was a chirp and not a word. Epic nodded regardless, lifting the wing’s tip with one hand and holding a pair of scissors in the other. Epic made sure he lifted the plumage to clearly identify the feather shafts. He read to avoid cutting those to prevent injury. With the smaller feathers above the primary wings as his guide, Epic carefully began the process of trimming Cross’s wing.

Unfortunately for Cross, because his wings had been broken for weeks, he couldn’t fully enjoy the feeling of Epic’s grooming and now delicate trimming. Still, he could faintly feel Epic’s tender intent, and that was enough for Cross to watch in content as Epic cared for him.

Slow and careful, he cut, trimming the feathers one by one and meticulously making his way down the wingspan.

While Epic grooms him, Cross can’t help but think how nurturing Epic is towards him — this is no special case. He’s just always taken care of Cross in some way, some form. From movie nights to beach escapades, arcades, their regular hangouts. He’d always made Cross feel cared for without being a burden.

He thinks about how nurturing and kind Epic is to everyone, really, especially children. How Epic made something as troublesome as dealing with those tykes seem easy and even fun whenever he interacted with them. That made Cross think maybe he’d want to be a parent someday, if he had a partner as good as Epic.

He thought of how much kids like Palette and Goth adored Epic, calling him uncle and laughing like mad when Epic pretended to pull them over for speeding in his “Chick Mobile”, Epic adorned with aviator shades and a ridiculous glued on mustache as he chased after the cackling children with a rubber chicken.

“Officer Bruh reporting in! We got a Bruh-1-1, bruh! Get back here and stop resisting arrest!”

“You’ll never take us alive, copper!” Goth shouted while Palette turned to shoot at Epic with his bubble gun. Epic dramatically dodging and whooping in a series of acrobatics to avoid the harmless projectiles as though it was truly deadly.

“Yeah, these cookies are all ours!” Palette exclaimed and defiantly chewed on said stolen goodie. A bubble popped on Epic’s sweater.

He shouted, grasping at his chest before dramatically tumbling until he collapsed and spasmed on the ground. “Officer down! Officer down! Bleh,” Epic stuck his tongue out and went still, his hands placed over his chest as he pretended to be at rest.

The kids laughed like it was the funniest thing ever.

All Cross did at the time was chuckle and film per Epic’s request for the kids’ parents later, unable to push his bright grin down or explain the fondness that turned his Soul into mush.

Unbidden, he thinks of how that moment was only one of many more, definitive proof that Epic would be an amazing parent. A compassionate father, better than his and Cross’s ever were.

He wondered if Epic would admire him if Cross got along with kids, too. If Epic would watch him as Cross would watch Epic, admiring and unbearably, unfathomably soft. As Epic joined the kids in their goofy, nonsensical misadventures. As Epic read to the Souls of the children lost that were bound to Color.

As Epic smiled down the bed in front of him, gently tucking in a protesting XChara that they weren’t technically a child, he didn’t need Epic to tuck them in. Epic simply nodded with understanding as he brushed XChara’s bangs out of their face and their eyes drooped shut. “I know. Sleep well, bud.”

Cross recalled a picnic they’d gone on, laying side by side and gazes tilted to the stars above as they talked about nothing and everything. How Epic had confided he’d always wanted kids of his own, but wanted to raise them alongside a loving partner. Yet he seemed undesirable to most and had set that dream aside into a little box of wishes within the blanket of the starry night. Maybe someday, he’d sighed. The stars glittered with his silent longing.

“We’ll still be best friends, right?” Cross’s voice wobbled when he’d thought of Epic distracted by a blurry lover and equally unknown expressions of Epic’s children in Cross’s mind. Dismissing Cross in favor of his better, more exciting romantic interest, strolling off with his arm around their waist and their children trailing after them. Leaving Cross behind.

Epic had laced their hands together and smiled at Cross with eyes as deep and profound as the ocean, the light of his Soul shining among the constellations of the night.

“Always,” he’d promised. “You and me against the world, forever and always, Cross.”

Cross had felt his chest tighten at the time. He’d stared at Epic while the older skeleton stared back into the sky before he eventually tore his gaze away to look up to the bright lights himself. Maybe someday, he’d agreed, their hands intertwined together

An insistent call of his name pulls Cross out of his thoughts. He blinks into clarity and turns to his left to see Epic, who’d been tapping Cross’s side to catch his attention.

“Yeah dude?”

“You’re all set bud.” Epic gestured to the side. “Wanna head on over? Last thing we need to do is shower and then we can soak the night away.”

“You too, yeah?”

“Sure am! But we oughta get you taken care of first big guy,” Epic swings around, fiddling with his panel and tapping away at buttons and switches as he spoke. “According to what I searched, you’re not ‘sposed to shampoo or soap feathers ‘cause it would make it too ‘oily’ and hard to fly. Buuuut,”

Epic spun around to face Cross once more as he hung in front of him. “You don’t wanna fly anytime soon right?”

With his useless wings? “Nope,” Cross agreed.

“So I’ll leave it up to you man. D’you wanna try out shampoo and conditioner or soap? I got a bunch of scents for both for ya to pick from.”

Epic baps his fist against a panel on the wall with a small thunk and Cross is gobsmacked when it opens with two shelves of bottles of various colors and shapes popping out. Cross would’ve questioned it but then he recalled something like that was also from the movie and dismissed his unasked question.

“Take your pick! I got your old favorite, cherry blossom, but a whole bunch of others too. There’s rose, coconut, chocolate, vanilla, elderflower, and—”

“Wait, Epic,” Cross interrupted. “If we’re gonna soak in a mineralized bath, wouldn’t these scents be pointless?”

“…” Epic visibly deflated. Cross tried not to laugh.

Violet paints his cheekbones as he purses his mouth and glances side to side. “…Nuh uh.”

“Thought about everything except that, huh,” Cross teased.

“Aw, maaaan,” Epic pouted. “There goes all my G.”

Cross patted him on his back. “It’s okay. I can just use them later, no worries.” He plucked out a bottle of rose scented body wash. “And these are just a few bottles. It’s not like you got buckets of these or anything right?”

Epic was silent.

“Dude!”

“What?! You’re huge!” Defensively Epic waved his arms to gesture to all of Cross. “I had to make sure I had enough that you could use and have variety!”

This time Cross did laugh, unable to resist when picturing what the poor cashiers’ baffled faces must’ve looked like when Epic bought a boatload of soaps and washes.

“Oh stars,” Cross chortled. “And they just—they just let you buy all that?”

“I mean, it’s the same place I get all my condoms, so I’m pretty sure they assumed I’m a sugar daddy or something.”

Cross lost it.

“Uh huh,” Epic droned while his best friend laughed so hard he cried. “Yuuuuuup. Laugh it up. Get it all out of your system. Uh huh.”

“Y-you didn’t even try to defend yourself? Mention how you use those as a gag?”

“What, and go, “hey, so, I’m not actually a sugar daddy plannin’ to get real freak-ayyy, but I need you to keep this on the down-low ‘cause I don’t want anyone to know ‘bout this,” and that doesn’t sound hella sketch to you? Nah, man, nah.”

Cross wheezed, his laughter so loud and hard his ribs ached. Once he’s calmed enough, his breathing no longer laborious and interrupted by only the occasional giggle, he wipes the tears gathered at the corners of his sockets away.

When his hands fall away from his eyes the sight of Epic smiling is revealed, his gaze tender and full of affection that has Cross’s nonexistent gut doing flips and confusion filling him at why he wants to break his gaze away from that tender look.

Mana rushed to his cheekbones. Somewhat embarrassed, he queried, “What?”

“Nothing, nothing. It’s just…it’s been a while since you laughed like that.”

What? No, it couldn’t have. Epic always made him laugh like no one else did, why wouldn’t…?

Oh. Right.

His smile fell.

Cross hasn’t laughed that hard since he’d found Epic after…after whatever happened to him. That turned him into this.

His arms began to itch.

“Sorry, I got side-tracked.” Epic tapped at a bottle. “Did you pick one you wanna try?”

Quietly, “Chocolate, please.”

“Alright.” Epic tap taps, and then, he’s fluttering around Cross like he had earlier when grooming his wings, popping the bottle open and sliding it into the wall. A few mechanical wirrs later, a crane carrying a bucket slowly drifts side to side as it tilts, the scent of warm chocolate making Cross’s mouth water as the liquid soap is spread until his dragon body and wings are coated in the substance. Once it’s empty, it’s brought back into the wall, the panel closing shut behind it.

Cross shudders at the feeling, his feathers registering the cold and blocking the sensation from the heated flesh beneath the plumage only for a moment. Even so, his eyes burn. His sockets well with tears he forced himself to hold back as he blinked.

Epic’s habitual humming has picked up. He starts to gently lather the feathers as his phalanges glide between the individual plumes and shifts them apart to gently scrub the irritated flesh beneath.

Cross greedily soaks up his intent. Relishes the feeling of Epic gingerly scratching and scrubbing to remove stubborn bits of dirt and grime. He tries to force back the familiar sensation of his throat tightening up, of his face burning and liquid mana surging and pushing to be released.

“We’ll get you soaped up real good so all that’s left is a rinse.” Epic speaks but it’s hard to hear with the growing sound of his own inner voice reprimanding him. Scolding Cross to toughen up, repeating his soldier’s mantra “calm emotions, calm Soul.”

Don’t cry, this is supposed to be fun. This is supposed to be nice. Epic’s trying so hard to make things normal again, why can’t you do just this one thing right?

XGaster’s cold voice overlaps Epic’s, whatever he’s saying about his wings and if it hurts if he moves them a little is drowned out by that awful, cruel gaze and disinterested tone.

“Useless boy—”

He’s fine, everything’s fine. Don’t cry, don’t cry, Cross. You’re not a crybaby.

“—failed experiment—”

A cold, dark room. An observation table. His wrists shackled to the wall. A blur of crimson and his own soundless scream ringing in his skull. His legs, he couldn’t feel his legs!

“You are worthless to me, Sans.”

And just like everything else, he failed to do one thing.

Purple tears fell from his sockets in rivulets.

He was always useless.

“— good, think I got every — Cross?”

Epic zooms over, hands hovering beside Cross’s skull but hesitating to touch him. Cross can’t fight back the bitter sob but resolutely keeps his mouth shut. The garbled cry is followed by yet more tears.

Cross leans forward until his zygomas are cradled in Epic’s soothingly cold hands against his heated skull.

“Hey hey hey, buddy, what’s wrong? What happened?” Epic’s thumbs wiped the translucent purple magic as it poured out his eyes. “Did I touch you somewhere bad and it hurt? I’m so sorry, I can—”

“No, no, ‘s not you,” Cross sniffed, desperately trying to shove the tears back but they refused. Useless crybaby. “I-I, I just, I got—”

He couldn’t bear to look at his best friend’s face, the blatant concern and worry worsened the tight feeling in his chest and he was drowning in his tears, self-reproach and loathing bitter on his tongue and burning his aching throat.

When Cross tilted his skull in shame and looked down, he noticed Epic’s pants were covered in soap. In handprints missing circular center shaped prints.

He’d wiped his hands to cradle Cross like he was something precious, something too valuable to be sullied by soap.

Somehow that noetic sentiment breaks Cross further and he snarls. Trembling with rage and tears while Epic steadfastly held him as he fell apart.

“I hate this body,” Cross raged. His arms burned like they were on fire and something was tearing him apart from the inside out. “This—this isn’t me! This isn’t—!” Helpless, resentful tears welled in his sockets. “I hate it, Epic. I hate it!”

“I can’t fly, I can’t fix myself, I can’t even remember who did this to me or how this happened!”

Useless, useless, useless!

“I know, Cross.” His knuckles are brought to his mouth, the kiss a forlorn apology of understanding and empathetic sorrow. “I know.”

Cross’s massive body trembled and his chest heaved. The snarls tumbling out his clenched jaws feral and impossibly loud in the echo of the enclosed room.

Yet Epic held onto him anyway, undeterred and determined. His body used to fit perfectly in Cross’s arms, but now Cross could pin him down with his torso alone.

That thought made his jaws ache with an indiscernible urge to bite down, to sink his teeth into Epic and see if he’d try and fight Cross then no he wouldn’t he’d never hurt him, not now nor ever but Cross hurts, he wants to scream and cry and rage and tear himself apart until he’s got nothing left to give if it would only mean his agony stop—

It’s okay/I have you/I’m here/Come back to me

Cross blinked in surprise, shuddering from the abrupt sound of a familiar, beloved voice in his head and the tingle of pleasant, soothing cold running up his arms. He chirped in confusion, sockets slowly opening and closing until his rage subsided and Epic’s visage was clear before him.

A steady, persistent murmur. “Hey, sweetheart,” Epic’s voice greeted him. Cross realized Epic’s hands were insentently holding Cross’s wrist. Keeping Cross’s claws pressed up against Epic’s chest as something continues to beat below his sweater and emanate that soothing, delightful cold. Waves of Epic’s intent pour through that point of contact and rush up Cross’s arms and to his own steadily calming Soul.

It’s okay/Please come back/I'm here/Its okay sweetheart

Epic’s forehead was pressed against Cross’s and his other hand softly stroked his zygomatic arch. “You’re okay. You’re safe.”

Sweetheart? Cross?

“It’s okay, you’re safe. I promise. I have you, okay?” Slowly, Cross nodded. Unwilling to move too fast and remove the pointed contact between them. Unwilling to tear his gaze away from gentle ivory and violet lights.

“That’s it, Cross,” Epic smiled. The praise floods Cross’s system with a rush. His growls eased into comfortable, pleased purrs. “Good job bud.”

Yes, he was good. Cross’s tail thumped behind him a light sweep of a wag.

“There we go. That’s it. Just keep focusing on me, listen to my voice.”

How could he not? It was so lovely, the richest baritone Cross had ever heard. Smooth and decadent, better than any dark chocolate he’d tasted, silken and sonorous. Cross could listen to Epic speak for hours on end and he’d never grow weary of that melodic voice.

“Yeah, just like that.” Epic sighed and slumped forward, letting his arms fall back to pull Cross into a tight embrace. The anxiety and concern evaporated once Cross had calmed and now left the older skeleton feeling exhausted from the crash of adrenaline. “Jeez, bruh.”

Cross wrapped his arms around Epic, happy to hold his dearest friend close.

“You good?”

Cross nuzzled the back of Epic’s collar with a low purr. It took a moment for the question to register, and when it did, Cross forced his mouth to move. “Yeah. Sorry.”

“It’s fine, long as you’re okay,” Epic reassured. “Haven’t had to use the Soul for something like that for a while. But I kinda freaked when you tried to tear your arms off man.”

“I did?” Epic nodded. The movement caused his nose indent to rub against Cross’s neck.

“Yeah. You couldn’t hear me so I gambled. Glad it worked.”

“You called me sweetheart.” Butterflies fluttered through his chest at the reminder.

“Well, yeah,” Epic pulled back from the embrace to look into Cross’s eyes and defend himself. “‘Cause you’re sweet, an’ it helps talkin’ through things and being complimented—”

“No need to explain. You helped me the best way you could.”

“Yeah, exactly! You get it.”

“I do.” Cross smirked. “Sweetheart.”

Delight bloomed in Cross’s chest along with the tint of violet in Epic’s cheekbones. “Okay but when you say it, it sounds gay.”

“I’m bi.”

Epic snorted. “Bruh, I know.”

A persistent itch under his plumage. “As cute as you are flustered,” Cross grinned while Epic sputtered. “The soap is starting to dry and I’m getting kinda itchy—”

“Huh? Oh. Oh! Yeah, let’s get your rinsed off.” Epic pulled out of the hug completely as he zoomed around in his harness. Flicking switches and popping panels open until the shower head turns on and comfortably warm water gushes out in a pleasant stream onto Cross’s draconian half.

Epic handed him more of the bottle and a brush, saying he could go ahead and start drubbing himself off and Epic will help with other parts Cross can’t reach once he’s finished with his lower body.

The water is powerful enough that Epic didn’t need to do too much, fluttering in the air like a hummingbird as he brushed and smoothed Cross’s feathers and skin until he’s satisfied the soap had been washed out. Then he lowered himself to Cross’s scaled legs, brushing the powerful limbs while whistling a merry tune as Cross watched him from above in curious amusement.

The debris, trimmed feathers, and old scales pool and circle the drain. Already, Cross feels refreshed and like a brand new skeleton as he sees and feels vindictive pleasure as the filth that had bothered him for so long circles the drain.

Once Epic’s finished with his legs, he returns to Cross’s eye-level and gestures to his back. “Need any help?”

Cross could reach it just fine on his own, but since Epic offered…

He hands Epic the brush. “Yeah, thanks.”

“No prob.” Cross shivers as Epic carefully scrubs the back of his spine and ribs, cautiously dipping the brush between the grooves and purposefully keeping the pressure light to prevent any accidental mishaps with the sensitive bones.

“How do you feel?” Cross hummed.

“Much, much better,” Cross confessed. “I had no idea how much I missed showers ‘til now.”

“Mhmm.” Epic agreed, maneuvering the shower head to rinse Cross’s ribs. He checked to make sure he hadn’t missed any spots while he mused, “It’s the simple things that are often taken for granted most.”

For Epic, it was a peaceful night’s rest.

For Cross, it was his fully skeletal body.

Epic pulled back, the swing carrying him off of Cross’s side. “Aaaand you’re all set! Lookin’ squeaky clean and smellin’ great, bruh.” He patted Cross on the shoulder. “Why don’t ya go ahead and get comfy in the tub and I’ll join you after I rinse off here?”

Cross shook his head. “No.”

Epic’s smile fell at the corners before he righted them, brows furrowed in confusion. “No? Why not?”

“It’s your turn.”

“Uh, yeah? ‘S why I’m gonna shower,” Epic trailed off when Cross grabbed the hem of his sweater and lightly tugged once with a pointed look. Understanding dawned across his features. “Oh, ‘m fine bud, you don’t have ta—”

“I want to.” Cross insists. Satisfaction curls deep in his gut when his claw trails up Epic’s back, the sharpened talon-esque phalanges catching on the material of his cloak and how his sharpened hearing catches the audible gulp his best friend tried to hide. “You said I could earlier,” Cross reminds him, “That we’d be helping each other.”

“I did,” Epic agreed.

“Do you want me to see if I can grab you a set of shorts or…?”

“Nah, ‘s good,” Epic dismissed with a careless wave of his hand. “Put on a pair of swimming trunks under the usual pants just for today.”

“What? Why not just wear the trunks instead of pants in the first place?”

“Habit, I guess.”

“Okay then weirdo,” It was said far too fondly to be an insult. Cross tugged at Epic’s sweater. “Off we go.”

Epic chuckles and slips out the harness and onto Cross’s hip. Rolling his shoulders back and letting his coat fall onto Cross while the soldier watched with unusual anticipation.

“Heh,” the older skeleton’s grin is teasing as he hoists his sweater over his head. “Not gonna take me out to dinner first before you try to get me wet?” He sets the sweater beside his cloak, phalanges slipping into the hem of his waistband. “And here I thought you were a gentleman.”

“I am a gentleman.” Cross’s hand held onto Epic’s waist to keep him steady as he shook off his boots. Cross was surprised by how much his hand could hold, and wondered if both his hands were on Epic’s waist if his distal phalanx would touch. “See? I’m helpful.”

“The most helpful.” Epic concurred. With Cross’s support, he was able to shimmy out of his pants and sure enough, swim trunks obstructed his pelvis and part of his upper femurs from his view.

Not that Cross was staring or anything. They’d gone swimming before in the past. In fact, he recognized the familiar Dragonball themed swim trunks as soon as they’d peaked out from Epic’s waistband, orange and white with one of Epic’s favorite memes inscribed on the sides “IT’S OVER 9,000!”

Although his gaze was inexplicably drawn to the curve of Epic’s spine as he bent forward to remove his pants. To the curve of his pelvic wings and the way his ribs moved with his motions.

Epic stood up straight and Cross released him. He stayed within his space, though, just in case Epic slipped and fell off. His best friend scooped his pile of clothes up into his arms and into a ball, hoisted them over his head, and unceremoniously threw them with an enthusiastic “YEET” so they landed back into Cross’s enclosure with a bounce and spread apart.

With all too affectionate exasperation well used to Epic’s antics, Cross asked, “Why not just use your gravity magic and let it land?”

Epic smacked his hands together and tilted his skull up to Cross to wink as he shot him with double finger guns. “Y’know why, ‘cause it’s fun! Oh! You know what we should totally do?”

Epic’s eyelights gleamed in excitement. “I can set up a basketball hoop near the tub and you can toss me through it!”

“Why?”

“For the Kobe, bruh, the Kobe!”

Admittedly, it did sound like a fun idea, and though Cross would be more than happy to indulge Epic in his shenanigans, he was far more interested in grooming Epic as he’d done for him.

To show he’s a good potential mate

“Later,” Cross promised. “I wanna take care of you now.”

Cross would never tire of being the cause for Epic blushing. It was inexplicably gratifying, knowing that Epic’s lovely face would burn so sweet and pretty just for Cross when he wasn’t usually one so easy to fluster.

“Okie dokie.” Epic flexed his phalanges. His feet shuffled side to side in uncertainty. “Uh, are you okay with me sitting on you for this?”

“Yeah it’s fine. You’ve done it before.” Cross “loafing”, as Epic would call it, while they watched a movie or started a show. Playing a board game or eating together whenever Epic took a break from analyzing Cross’s magic.

They couldn’t cuddle before like they used to, not with Cross’s drastic change in size. So they made do with their new normal. Or at least Epic did, once he was certain Cross didn’t mind. Perhaps Cross would dislike it, if it were anyone else other than Epic.

“Alright alright alriiiight,” Epic drawled. Giggling after referencing one of his many favorite vocal stims. “But if ya ever do get uncomfy, lemme know an’ I’ll hop off.

“Sounds good.”

And with that, Epic began to scrub, flexing and bending his phalanges to catch anything caught between the grooves separating the phalanxes. Gradually working his way up to his metacarpals.

Cross imitated Epic’s earlier gestures, gently brushing all the hard to reach places whilst carefully avoiding exerting too much pressure behind his movements.

“It feels nice, right?” Cross hummed his agreement. “I could do this myself, but it just feels good when there’s someone else,” there’s a tone in Epic’s voice Cross couldn’t quite distinguish, like he’s trying to hint at or lead up to something but Cross didn’t know what.

His best friend had started scrubbing his legs, one knee bent to his chest and straight out with his leg extended. “Sure help makes it easier, but it’s not required.”

“Uh huh.” Cross gave him a once-over. Satisfied with his work but regretful that it was over so soon. It made sense, he supposed. Cross hadn’t bathed in a while unlike Epic, so of course he’d be dirtier.

Epic’s skull turned back at an angle to glance up at Cross. “I’m not useless for wanting some help cleaning up, am I?”

“What? No, of course not!” How could Epic say that? “You asking for help when you need it shows how self-aware you are. You’re not lesser or weak for reaching out.” Epic is incredible, the person he admired most. And that admiration came from years of knowing Epic and seeing for himself all the amazing things his best friend is capable of, and just how kind and good his Soul was.

“I think it shows how strong you are, that you know you can’t do everything alone and instead of wallowing in self-pity, you ask and—” Cross paused. Epic continued to watch him, waiting, expectant. “…Oh.” Now it was Cross’s turn to blush.

“There we go.”

“I’m an idiot.”

“Not at all.” Epic refuted. “You’re just a little stubborn, sometimes.”

“You put up with me anyway.”

“You’re my best friend Criss-Cross,” Epic grinned. “You’re stuck with me for life, buddy. Ride or die ‘til the end my guy. Couldn’t get me away from ya for nothin’.”

Tener, light touches as fingers made of bone glided between the downy plumage of his wing. “An’ part of my sacred duty as best bud is makin’ sure you’re alright.”

All that remained unspoken filled the air between them, their bond knowing all too well what they meant without needing it said aloud.

Let me take care of you?

Cross hesitated. His inner demons were silent, put to rest by Epic’s steadfast compassion. Still, he…he couldn’t help but feel trepidation about fixing himself, anxious of too many unknown variables of what may happen. Particularly after the disasters of attempting to split his Soul during the time he’d been fused with XChara.

“Can we wait? Just a little longer?”

Yes. Wait for me.

Epic didn’t protest. “You're not in any pain, right?”

Cross shook his head and Epic slowly exhaled with a slow nod. “Okay. We can wait, then. Whenever you’re ready, Cross.”

I’ll always be here.

Grateful beyond measure for his friend, all Cross could do to convey his thanks was bend forward to press his forehead against Epic’s. “Thank you.”

Epic gently pressed back, smiling as they gazed into each other’s eyes. “I got ya.”

Always.

All too soon, Epic pulled away. He lowered the shower head down to his height to rinse himself off before he let go and let it return to its stationary position on the ceiling.

“Now c’mon! I’ve been wanting to soak for forever now,” he exaggerated. He held onto Cross’s arm as he moved, willing his draconic legs to stand and meander over to the tub.

“Alright alright, I’m going.”

“Yuss!” Epic posed, hand on his hip and arm outstretched. “Onward, to glory!”

“I feel glorious.” Cross deadpanned as he slowly settled onto his pair of knees. Epic eagerly slid down Cross’s side like a baseball player, whooping “yaba dabba doo!” while he slided down his tail. In an impressive display of acrobatics, Epic vaulted over the tub by using the walls as a springboard and stood by the wall, waiting to make sure Cross was watching him.

“Sooo, you remember how there’s a panel Chihiro had to whack to get the bath tokens to pop out?”

“Uh huh.” Epic pointed to the spot on the wall where painted clouds were formed into an “X” shape.

“Do a Britney and hit it baby one more time!”

Cross snickered and did just that. The panel popped open, red and black rectangular tokens with golden shapes hung by string.

“And pick whichever, they all come from the same source.”

Cross randomly selected the circle token and tugged, the wooden block disappearing upwards and away while the panel slowly closed itself up. He startled when he felt warm water, almost unbearably hot, started to pour from a bamboo tube. A few moments later he relaxed, the tension in his bones melting away the more his bones absorbed the heat.

The moment the water reached Cross’s lower ribs the flow abruptly stopped, the bamboo tube sliding up and into the wall. The panel clicked shut.

Cross waited, perking up while Epic strolled over the rim before he contorted, keeping his arms gripping the tub’s rim behind him while he dipped his legs in one by one until he was hanging over next to Cross. Cross felt a pang of disappointment that Epic was next to and not pressed up against him and slid his arm around his waist and cradled his entire left pelvic wing to pull him close.

It must’ve caught Epic off guard because he squeaked, limbs jerking slightly when Cross wrapped both his arms around Epic to loosely hug him close, Epic’s legs bracketing Cross’s hips while his hands shot out to support himself and gripped Cross’s shoulders tight.

“Whoa hey!” Epic babbled, zygomas burning with violet mana as Cross intently stared at him. “Uhhh. Hi there.”

Cross tilted his skull to the side in bemusement but greeted him nonetheless. “Hello.”

Epic’s eyelights darted to the side and back to Cross’s face, his flush deepening when Cross’s chest slowly began to rev up, the first pleased, low chirp tumbling out of him. He slid his hands down Cross’s humeri and paused at the junction between his radia and ulnas.

“I could just, uhm, sit next to you, y'know? O-on your back.”

This felt unbearably intimate. Soaking in a communal bath was one thing. Wrapped up in his friend’s arms while he stared at him like the cat that got the cream was another.

“You could.” Cross replied. “But I want to hold you.”

Epic wheezed on an embarrassed note of laughter. “Okay, yeah, sure. Whatever you want bud. Can I not straddle you while you do, though?”

Cross didn’t understand, he thought this was the perfect way to hold Epic and felt perfectly comfortable as is. But if Epic wasn’t, then he’d have to change it.

Reluctantly, Cross loosened his grip. Epic wiggled, sliding his legs back off and Cross felt a pang of loneliness from the missing weight, a mournful chirrup tightening his throat and disrupting his purrs.

Then Epic nuzzled into his side. His arms around Cross’s waist while he laid his head on Cross’s sternum and his purring resumed. “There we go. Didn’t mean to sound like we couldn’t cuddle,” Epic apologized. Cross affectionately rubbed his cheekbone against the top of his skull. “That was just, uh, a-a way to cuddle that’s a bit too much for friends, ‘s’all,” he explained.

Cross didn’t get it, couldn’t quite see why Epic got as flustered as he had despite Cross appreciating how adorable the demure expression was on him. It had felt right to Cross, yet another way they could embrace and be close, but he nodded anyway, satisfied he could still cradle his dearest friend. “Okay.”

All he knew for certain as he stared, uncomprehending, was how he felt. And all he felt was peaceful contentment.

“This is nice, huh?” Epic spoke up. “Weirdly quiet, I think, but nice.”

“Yeah.” Cross sniffed the air, curious about the different scents wafting off of the mineralized water. “What’d you put in here?”

Epic beamed. “I did some research, and nabbed some stuff like yuzu, bancha, and kuma bamboo grass,” Epic’s sockets slowly drifted shut as he relaxed, his ribcage beginning to vibrate beneath the water as his own instinctual purrs tried to escape. He resisted, his deep voice slightly hoarse while he continued his explanation, “since hot springs are natural, the minerals in them come from the Earth, right? So to make your own mineralized bath you gotta use herbs to try and mimic that, and those were the most popular ones I could find.”

“Cool.”

There wasn’t much to say after that, both best friends too relaxed, enjoying their shared embrace and the warmth of the water soothing away all their aches and pains as they held each other. A moment of shared vulnerability that feels both safe and nourishing.

“This was a wonderful idea,” Cross’s tone is low. It feels wrong to speak any louder than a quiet murmur, at this time. “Thanks dude.”

Epic’s eyes were closed when he answered. “Anytime, bruh. ‘S my job ta pamper ya.”

“Likewise.”

Cross continued to observe him as he laid against him. Epic was pliant beneath him. Both sockets closed and he’s quiet, apart from blissful purrs rumbling out of him that Cross matched. The soldier is pleased and all too smug at how his best friend let Cross groom him properly earlier just as Epic had done for him. And now he let him cradle him to his chest, near his Soul where it beat peacefully within his magic and out of sight.

After all, good mates take care of one another. And Epic was always so good, so kind to him. What a wonderful mate he is—

Cross laid his chin atop Epic’s skull and let his own sockets slowly drift to a close, his Soul full and happy, as he let the darkness close in. Letting himself sink below that pool of black and let himself be swallowed completely by the feelings of safety and comfort. Trusting Epic with all his Soul to keep them both safe as Cross finally let go.

When he awoke, it was to the wrong, wrong, wrong, feeling empty arms and his best friend nowhere in sight.

Cross’s voice warbles in panic, only to jolt and then promptly relaxed when he hears comforting coos and whistles and feels something warm and soft rub his back.

“Hey, hey, it’s okay,” Cross let out an accusatory growl with narrowed sockets.

“I know, I’m sorry for leaving,” Epic consoled, gently rubbing him dry with the towel and Cross’s shoulders fall back from his hunched posture. “I wanted to get you dried off, ‘s not good to fall asleep wet. I’d just finished your back feathers when you woke up.”

Cross sniffed with a small “hmmph” but leaned into Epic’s open palm anyway and looped an arm around his waist with a small huff, noting with dissatisfaction that Epic had changed into his sleep shirt and bottoms. “Fine. Forgiven.”

“I’m glad. Now, up we go,” Cross’s sleepy gaze glanced around. His vision gradually clearing as he surveyed his surroundings. The tub had been drained and the lights dimmed. “It’s pretty late, so let’s get you to bed bud.”

“Okay.”

With wobbly legs, Cross eventually climbed out of the tub whilst holding onto Epic. Epic tapped a button on the side when they passed through the doorway and the walls shifted, closing shut behind them.

Cross climbed aboard his bed and circled around a few times. Once satiated, he folded his legs in. His mouth quirked up in the corners when he heard Epic’s quiet gush of “yuss, the sacred loaf!” He rocked forward and back, legs kneading the mattresses a few times before he settled. He twisted around and let his chest press onto the soft plumes of his back. Now that they were clean, the feeling of the soft feathers is a gentle caress that smelled like herbs and chocolate instead of smelly, scratchy pricks that scratched his face. He gazed up at Epic who sat beside him.

His best friend patted his back, tenderly rubbing a few times before he stood. “Goodnight, bud. I’ll see you tomorrow.” Epic turned around.

Protesting whines of dismay wobbled out when Cross realized Epic was trying to leave his Nest. He reached out with his claws, hooking it around Epic’s talus to stop him.

He didn’t want to be alone.

Everything was perfect, felt so right, when Epic was beside him.

“Don’t go,” Cross pleaded.

“I’ll be around, buddy.” Epic tried to placate him as he turned back to crouch in front of Cross and gently place his hands on the claw ensnaring his talus. “Y'know I don’t really sleep. I’m just gonna go check on Chara and then—”

“Please?”

Epic stopped.

“Please, sleep beside me?”

Mates Nested together.

Epic’s confliction melted away and Cross exhaled in quiet relief, grateful that his best friend would readily do anything for him if he gave the word. “…Okay,” he gently squeezed Cross’s claw. Understanding, Cross let go. “Lemme go grab my sleeping bag and,” Epic slowed when Cross pouted at him with dilated, imploring eyelights. “…You wanna cuddle me, don’t you?”

Low and slow, purrs revved right back up as Cross visibly brightened at Epic’s correct deduction. “Yes.”

Epic smiled, somewhat exasperated but not at all put out. “Okay. Lemme grab the blanket? I cleaned that too while you dozed.”

Cross nodded. With that affirmation, Epic’s violet eyelight flared, wisps of faint purple mana billowing out his socket and surrounding the large comforter to tug it off the floor and up onto Cross.

The soldier held his arm out and Epic easily slid into his embrace, circling Cross with his own arm and tucking himself against the other’s chest as the blanket covered both their shoulders.

Epic stroked Cross’s back while the other watched Epic dismiss the gravity magic and his eyes returned to normal “This good?”

“Perfect.”

Epic was in the Nest and in Cross’s arms, exactly where he belonged.

Safe and warm, Epic’s body and scent flooding his senses, Cross allowed his sockets to close once more.

“Goodnight, Cross.”

“Night, Epic.”

And fell asleep feeling cherished and loved cared for.

When Cross fell asleep Epic sighed. Moving his hand from Cross’s back and up to cradle his face, his thumb stroking the right cheekbone where Cross’s crimson scar remained.

He was worried about him. He knew recovery would be a long, slow battle, with Cross needing to heal from mental and physical trauma alike, but that didn’t mean Epic disliked that.

He wished he could’ve been there when Cross had disappeared, wished he could’ve protected him and stopped whatever had happened to him that turned him into a chimera.

If Epic had the chance to go back and switch places with Cross, he would’ve done it in a Soulbeat. Anything to keep his best friend safe and happy.

Cold, simmering rage boiled in his marrow, his dormant LV rising under his vengeful fury.

He wouldn't stop, wouldn't rest, until he found who’d done this to his friend and made them give Cross his body back. And if they couldn’t?

Epic was planning on letting them suffer long and slow, exactly like they’ve done to Cross, either way.

Cross sighed in his sleep, the adorable chirp and nuzzle he gave as he rubbed his nose indent with Epic’s washed away his rage and filled him with fond warmth instead. He nuzzled back, Soul melting when Cross smiled wide and happy from the gesture.

Later. Epic would deal with these thoughts later. Right now, he had more important things to do.

And that was letting Cross know how loved he was, when asleep or awake.

“I’ll take care of you, Cross.” Epic swore with all his heart and Soul. “For as long as you’ll let me.”

Until he was nothing but dust, this he swore.

[cal-daisies-and-briars]

Humbly here to request my weekly sentences :)

🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟

❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️ I am SO intrigued by this idea

YAY!

45 for 🧟:

---

“It looked like a singular flashlight,” Maddie explains. 

“Maybe it’s just someone looking around,” Hen says. 

Because she hopes. Because she worries about the alternative. Because she needs for there not to be a threat to her son.

“Right, yeah,” Maddie nods. “Like a scavenger. Or a traveler. I’ve been there.”

“We don’t know,” Bobby decides. “And we’re not going to panic until we do. A handful of us can go scouting tomorrow.”

Hen is almost certain that includes her. Good. She’ll make sure Karen stays behind with Denny, where it’s safe. 

“Sounds like a plan,” Karen says. 

“I’ll take the first stakeout shift,” Bobby announces.

“I’ll join you,” Athena offers. 

“I appreciate that,” Bobby replies. 

And that’s that. It’s settled. They have a plan. 

Having a plan always makes Hen feel better. Not totally better, but less bad. The worst is being in a predicament and not knowing what next move to make. At least this isn’t that. Yet. 

But, still… Hen would be lying if she said she gets much sleep that night. 

September 8th, 2018

Denny is overflowing with joy in the morning. A few days of playing with boys his own age and he’s pretty much descended into being a total rascal. But compared to a child that only had adults for company and seemed a bit too old for his age, Hen will take a bit of  mischief and silliness any day. 

“What if something terrible happens?” Hen asks her wife quietly as they get ready for the day. “Denny is finally getting to be a normal kid.”

“I don’t know if this is normal,” Karen says, looking across the room to where Denny and Christopher are playing Connect 4. “But, yeah… I know. I can’t stop thinking, Eddie left his kid here. He trusted Maddie and all of us. Now what if when he gets back…”

God, Hen hadn’t even considered that. 

“I hope they get back soon,” Hen mumbles. “We could use numbers and weapons on our side, just in case.”

---

60 for ❄️:

---

Basically, Eddie can’t be blamed for any of this. He’s free of guilt. He didn’t mean to… Well, do anything. 

Really, all he wanted to do was be less of a fucking mess. 

i.

“I think group therapy would benefit you,” Frank says, one session in late June. 

Christopher is still gone and Gerrard is still captain and life still pretty much sucks. Every day just feels like an endless loop of fucking shit. 

“You firing me, Frank?” Eddie asks. “Took you longer than expected, actually.”

Eddie’s been doing that a lot lately. The whole sarcasm thing. More than usual. And not just to Frank. He’s even begun to make tiny, biting comments in Buck’s direction. Which is completely unfair of him because all Buck is doing is supporting him. Just… Well, sometimes Eddie doesn’t know what else to say when… When things are brought up. 

Frank smiles patiently. “I think group therapy would benefit you, in addition to our sessions together.”

Eddie blinks. “Twice the amount of therapy? Extra people? I don’t know.”

Frank nods. “Yeah, it’s not most people’s favorite idea at first. But the feedback is usually pretty good.”

“Why would I need a group?” Eddie asks. “These problems… They’re pretty specific to me.”

Though, if Frank can point him in the direction of a support group for people who have encountered eerie clones of their dead spouses, Eddie will shut his damn mouth and get going. If this is a recurring thing for people, that’s just insane. Eddie will gladly join that class action lawsuit against god or the universe or whatever Buck would interpret it as. 

“Not all of what we’ve talked about is specific to you, Eddie,” Frank says. “A lot of people struggle with-”

“But isn’t everything with Chris and Kim and all that the most pressing thing?” Eddie interrupts. “That’s what I need to solve first.”

“It all helps, Eddie. We’ve talked about this. You being in a better, more open and accepting place with yourself? That will help with the rest.”

Eddie groans a little. It all sounds so counterintuitive. Even though Eddie knows he’s probably right. Why should he get to work on accepting and loving himself, when the consequences of his actions are still hurting his son? Keeping him away from home? He shouldn’t get to be happy right now. 

But the thing is, Eddie made a promise. To Buck, first. The night Christopher left. More than that, though, to himself. He’s going to trust the process. Therapy. The whole nine yards. He’s not going to let this destroy him. 

[carrotcakecrumble]

Loved the little snippets you’ve shared so far – religious Ralph, that is a deep, deep seam…..Dark Sandy?  Yes please!!

And you had to remind me of the Laurie letter fic, I know already I am going to love it and if you are going to tackle the *other* letter, OMG, I need that letter deconstructed, I’m too scared to do it myself.

So, let me see what I'd like more of.....for some reason Ralph rent boy is jumping out at me, can’t think why!

And I’ll have all your young Alec please, for purely selfish reasons.

I take it the rest of your Ralph diaries are not in your WIP folder because they are already in the ‘Ready to publish but going to tease RP a bit longer’ folder 😉

Hssjsg THANK YOU!!!

Ok So a little of the rent boy fic💅:

A black Austin. The letter instructed that if he didn’t know what an Austin was, he was to look out for the smartest motorcar to drive by. A few lines later, there was the more helpful advice to watch out for a motorcar that had ‘Austin’ welded in silver onto the grill. After a long and fretful wait, a car matching the description drew up beside him. With it‘s wheels kicking up a cobbled grey cloud, it gave a rather ghostly impression of emerging from a winter’s fog. A hearse, Dickensian almost, Ralph thought. The smartest hearse to drive by.

It parked, the breaks squawking and shivering away the blanket of smog it had created. Ralph approached stiffly and gave three soft knocks to the driver’s window. A fuzzy silhouette inside jumped, and then collecting itself, staggered the window open. Like an eye refocusing, the colours of the interior emboldened and focussed into what was recognisably the very neat and clean interior of a car. The silhouette, now revealed, became a smart, middle-aged man wrapped up in navy wools, leathers and velvets. He had a rather white face, wrinkled and placid, that looked like it had been knitted together with a few dropped stitches. His hands, whose fingers were creating soft, wave-like taps against the steering wheel, were covered in black driving gloves, the knuckles cut out to reveal the red, scabbed skin underneath.

“Ralph, is it?” A refined and tight voice asked, vaguely northern in vowels but otherwised well-docked into proper, gentleman’s English. It pronounced the ‘L’ in Ralph’s name like it was a hill to be gotten over.

“Yes. You’re—“

“I already know who I am. Get in then, Ralph.”

One of the pre-canon Alec ones👁️👁️:

“What is-s-s your name? If you’ll excuse my unmannerly persis-sis-sistance?”

The sailor glanced over, hard blue eyes framed inside water smoothed cheekbones. Someone like this would usually cost a few bob, easily. He could hardly believe his luck having come across it for free, and so willing, too. Alec pinched the braces onto his trousers, glided them up over bare shoulders and then dropped neatly, hands folded in his lap, onto the edge of the bed.

“Lanyon.” The sailor replied, almost shyly, very much different from how he had been the night before. “You’re a doctor,” he said, as though that was a name enough. Then he leant back against the bed frame, arms folded and spiked upwards like the teeth of a tiara, sliding behind his head, fair hair hinting at colour within the dark like a crown jewel.

“Sometimes. Sometimes I’m-m-m an Alec.”

“Sometimes I’m a Ralph.”

“Ralph. Wuh-well. Ralph, how long are you back on shore?”

Ralph turned his head towards the closed curtains, face split in half from the single streak of morning sunlight, “indefinitely.”

“Ah.” Alec pushed closer to him, “So does-s… that mean you’ll be fr-fr…free later today? For a m-m…meal, perhaps?”

A smile spread on Ralph’s face, slowly and jaggedly, “it might.” They sat for a minute, looking and smiling and looking and smiling. Then just as silently, Ralph bit his grin away, and stared down at the fidgeting hands in Alec’s in his lap.

“I’m not free.” He said, abruptly.

“Doesn’t have to be today—“

“No, I mean. I’ve got someone. A girl.”

“Oh.” Alec shrugged, “with her to-today?”

“No.”

“Then you’re free.”

And then a little alternative one:

“Who is that?”

“That’s— but no— Charlotte he’s with— you know her. Gill. You know her.”

“Oh.”

“Would keep a—“

“—gosh. a ten foot poll.”

“Well, exactly.”

“A shame.”

“Though, between us—“

“Oh, you are terrible!”

“—I’ve heard they’re not exactly Mr and Mrs enamoured.”

“No?”

“He’s a temper and she’s a button pusher. Both miserable and— of course, That’s just between us.”

Alec dropped the cigarette butt into his empty gin glass. If the hiccuped conversation over his shoulder hadn’t been enough, he knew when he was getting the look. Quietly, concealed by clammy pools of dancers, he approached the watching eyes. Whilst drawing near, he snatched a (as far as he could tell) untouched whisky off of a coffee table and gave it a little, revitalising swirl.

“Hullo.” He said, voice loud so as to be heard over the vibrant chatter and steady music, “I thought you looked like you needed—“ he offered out the whisky, watched it as he waited for the response.

“Oh. Thank you.” The drink exchanged hands, warm fingers brushing together.

“You’re with— Gill?”

“Don’t remind me.” The unnamed man threw back his head and downed the drink, at first slowly and with conscious grace, and then without warning, tipped it away with a whippy but firm movement that emptied the entire glass. He held it by his waist afterwards, obscuring a golden pocket watch draped over his waistcoat button. They’d met at half past ten, Alec noted.

“I always come alone to these things.” Alec said, looking up from the clock face into an equally obscured, equally as gilded human one.

“Gill dragged me along…” his face moved as though chewing, as though his thoughts were hard bits of gristle. “I’d like to bloody-well leave alone.”

This made Alec laugh, and on sudden impulse he offered his hand into the narrow gap left between their fronts.

“I’m Alexander. Alec. Just to mention.”

“Ralph.” Ralph smiled, “just to mention.”

(AND YES DW THE OTHER CHAPTERS WERENT INCLUDED because then the post would have genuinely taken 10 minutes to scroll through🧎🏻‍♀️🧎🏻‍♀️🧎🏻‍♀️ they do exist secretly maybe)

[jingledbells]

people saying fiddauthor is just as bad as billfrd is crazy to me

[kitchensinkchronicles]

shout out to youtube for giving me an ad for a show i already have tickets to, hey uh quick question what is this photo??

WHO IS THAT?!

[seagull-scribbles]

Was inspired by @mushtoons HC’s and came up with my own silly little thought 💙💅❤️

[ziracona]

Harry Osborn really is just “I want people to be nice to me and love me. That’s it.” Like it really is. Of course he became Peter’s best friend; the guy was nice to him. Does not take much. He convinces his dad to rent him an apartment close to college and asks Pete to just come live with him for free in a nice two-bedroom in NY because he wants him there. He drives around because he gets anxious and down and driving relaxes him and Peter doesn’t have a car so he’s always like “Oh oh! : ) Hi Peter do you need a ride?” and Pete is like ‘thank god no taxi fare let’s DO this’. He thinks Gwen and MJ are so cool and neat and he loved Gwen so much even though she broke up with him and died two decades ago, he still thinks about how much she means to him. He just wants to hug Normie and tell him he’s a great son and he loves him. He wants Liz to not hate him and think he’s weak and he’s terrified of people finding out all the things wrong with him but none of them care, and he’s great. He’s the most tragic character of all time. He loves his terrible dad so genuinely and so much, and he loves his friends so much, he loves his family so much. Literally all he ever wanted was people to be nice to him and love him and his life and sanity fall apart and he gets tragedy after tragedy and breakdown after breakdown and but he never really breaks he’s always just a little left. He tries so hard to go off the deep end but he can never really make himself hurt Peter, because of course he can’t. He’s Harry Osborn. Who loves friends from twenty years ago like it was last night. Even at his lowest he gets to die telling his best friend he would have finally been proud of him because he was able for a second to be like he is, and pass while smiling and holding his best friend’s hands. Of course he does. How else could Harry Osborn have ever died. He’s Harry.

[quietwingsinthesky]

sometimes i think about my spn oc and how i rewrote everything about amara to interact with the story i was trying to tell about her. there were some really neat ideas in that i need to recycle for something one day. like, in the show proper, they just let amara take over a human baby and that’s fine, but amara’s not Meant To Be Here. this entire universe is one constructed in her absence. saying she can possess a human body should be like saying if you took a person and sent them to a universe where 1+1=3, they could just figure out how to function within that.

which in story took the form of Amara being something that could not be Understood, only Rationalized. a force locked outside the narrative who could only get inside and destroy things if given a role within it. by the Winchesters as A Monster To Face. by Chuck as Wayward, Unreachable Sister. and by miss oc as. simultaneously a projected creature to be saved, an amalgamation of injustices done to herself (and others) that would never be righted but could be made up for by being a part of this. and as something impossibly powerful that could be both protection and purpose.

and the Darkness wasn’t any of those things, really, but to have agency in her own story required new shackles, but ones she was always straining against. she wouldn’t fit inside the confines of a human mind, let alone a body, at least not well enough to leave it Intact. like lucifer burning through nick, but Worse. because the burns were an expected outcome of skin not strong enough to hold him. humans were built for angels, some were built better and some worse, but they’re meant to work. putting amara in human skin should disconnect the skin and mind and soul from the reality her brother built itself, i think. slowly. bit by bit.

and at the same time, i’d gone and written the kind of wild scenario you really can only write for your thirteen year old mary sue, given that spn oc the part of herald/high priestess/failed vessel. which she pursued with wild abandon like that would fix anything wrong with her <3

in the end, running alongside the borrowed family theming of the original show was my own theme of “how much self-annihilation will you accept to make your point. are you accepting it, really. or are you seeking it.” not just physically, in letting something unmake the base components of what you are as it tries to fit inside you or in it constricting and suffocating itself beyond self-recognition to get inside in the first place, but, obviously, it’s supernatural, how much selfhood do you cede to your family. is it worth it.

it was interesting, if nothing else. let thirteen year old me cook. she had ideas.

[velidewrites]

I want both long hair Rhys and short hair but I want long hair Rhys more because there is no fan art of him having long hair. Like I can totally see all 3 batboys having long hair at some point especially during their time in the Illyrian camps training but Cassian is the only one who kept it long.

Anon you are so correct

[fingertipsmp3]

Yesterday I was musing about how I haven’t really had a bad nightmare since I went on SSRIs and then I proceeded to have a full blown night terror

[aroaessidhe]

2023 reads // twitter thread

This Doesn’t Mean Anything

NA contemporary romance about a sex-repulsed girl starting uni and meeting an upperclassman who hangs out in the same study room and coffeeshop as she does

struggling with her asexuality, new friendships, and harassment

[museenkuss]

Spn blogs in my recs and they WILL NOT LEAVE.

[angelfrogs]

🫵Nayuta of the prophecy refrence🎉🎉🎉

[nebulaafterdark]

The Rats Pt. 2

Aegon Targaryen ii x Velaryon(Strong)!Reader

Summary: Aegon attempts to make peace with Rhaenyra after being forced to usurp her throne. Lucerys’ death complicates things.

18+ ONLY, MDNI

Part 1

“Princess Y/N of house Velaryon.” The guard announces.

Rhaenyra’s heart skips a beat, surely he is mistaken.

“Mother,” Y/N says, racing toward her. “Your grace,” she corrects herself.

Rhaenyra wraps her eldest child in her arms. “Mother will do just fine.”

Y/N buries her face in Rhaenyra’s shoulder.

“How did you get here?” Aegon would never let her go of his own free will.

“Daemon,” Y/N breathes. Knowing that her stepfather will owe her for the half truth.

“Where are the children?”

“In King’s Landing.” Y/N tells her, “to keep Aegon’s wits about him in my absence. He wants to come to an agreement, he’s more than willing to bend the knee. I only ask that he and Helaena be spared…as for Aemond Targaryen, he is a murderer.” Y/N’s voice breaks, “we will avenge the murder of my brother.”

Rhaenyra’s strokes a hand over her hair, feeling the dark waves that remind her of Lucerys. “Aegon and Helaena will receive full pardons based on your testimony. Rest assured I appreciate what you have done on my behalf.”

“Thank you.” Y/N pulls back marginally, realizing her mother’s pregnant belly should be between them. “Where is the babe?”

Rhaenyra shakes her head.

Y/N covers her mouth with her hand, “I am terribly sorry.”

“It is no fault of yours, darling girl.”

“I should have been here with you.”

“When I offered your hand in marriage, I had no idea Aegon was capable of love. It has complicated all of this.”

Y/N nods, “speaking of my husband. I should send word that I am well, lest he take out his frustration on Dragonstone.”

Rhaenyra taps her chin, affectionately. “I will fetch a scroll.”

————————————————————————-

Aegon’s youngest son is the only one of his children to share Y/N’s dark locks. His wife insisted they name him Aegon. After my dearest love. She said.

Aegon agreed of course as he can deny her nothing. The child wails nonstop, in the absence of his mother. At all of four months old, Aegon is the only one who can quiet him besides Y/N. As such, the King is now attending the small council meeting with a babe in his arms.

Their daughter, Dahlia, the eldest of the twins will sit the iron throne one day, through his line of succession and Rhaenyra’s. At all of six, she is sitting at the table. His other children Visera and Laenor have not been properly protected under the guard, they too must stay in his sightline.

“Gods be good.” Alicent frowns at her son.

“What is it?” Aegon huffs, arching a brow at her.

“The small council is no place for children, your grace.” Alicent explains. “They would be better tended by their maids.”

Aegon nods, “right. As you all know, two nights ago, the Princess Helaena was attacked in the children’s chambers. Our heirs were threatened and Queen Y/N was taken from us. During which time, not a single guard could be found on the entirety of the royal floor! Because you were-”

Aegon looks to his children in turn, “cover your ears my darlings.” He smiles, waiting until they have done as they’re told, holding his own hand over his infant’s ear. “Where were we, mother? Oh, that’s right, no one was guarding my children because you were fucking the royal guard.”

The council members lower their heads in acknowledgement.

“The men who carried out this attack, entered under the guise of rat catching. I want them found and swiftly executed.” Aegon demands, patting his sleeping son’s leg.

“We have been interrogating rat catchers for days, thus far we have no leads.” Otto explains.

A slow smile spreads over the King’s face. “Then hang them all.”

Alicent blanches.

“Anything else?” Aegon asks, watching Visera begin toying with Otto’s chair.

“A letter arrived from Dragonstone, your grace.” Lord Tyland informs him.

“Oh?” Aegon says, “from Rhaenyra?”

“From Queen Y/N.”

Aegon swallows, “did you read it?”

“No, my King.”

“Good,” Aegon reaches for the rolled parchment.

‘My dearest Aegon,

Please know that I am well. We would like to begin negotiations to end the blockade and create a peaceful transfer of power. This will require your cooperation, I hope you will meet me at Dragonstone to discuss this matter farther.

Forever yours,

Y/N’

Aegon exhales, sharply.

“What is it, your grace?”

“The children and I are off to Dragonstone.”

“Whatever for?”

“To negotiate the terms of Y/N’s return.”

“My King…”

“And if you cannot agree on said terms?” Alicent asks.

Aegon frowns, lifting a shoulder. “To war then.”

“He is unhinged,” Otto whispers to his daughter.

“As I warned he would be.” Alicent rises from her seat. “He is quite…devoted to her.”

————————————————————————

“It has been three days since you sent word to King’s Landing. We must assume Aegon’s silence is his response.” Daemon seethes, around the drawing table.

“Give it time.” Y/N insists, “you owe me that.”

Daemon smirks, “I owe you nothing, spoiled thing.”

“Mmm,” Y/N hums. “My mother does not yet know how I came to be here.”

“And you are not going to tell her. Otherwise, my distaste for your usurping cunt of a husband will be demonstrated at length.”

Sunfyre roars, calling their attention to the nearest window.

Daemon huffs, “I’ll be damned.”

“And he’s brought the children.” Y/N rejoices, running out to join her family.

Jacaerys is already helping to unload her children from the makeshift carriage on the dragon’s saddle.

“Mother!” Dahlia and Visera charge Y/N nearly knocking her backwards.

Laenor runs after them with his little legs as Aegon the fourth, stares at her, babbling in his father’s arms.

Y/N is moved to tears, “you came.”

“You didn’t think I would?” Aegon cocked his head to the side.

“It’s a rather large ask,” Y/N explains.

“For you, the world.” He replies, with a kiss to her temple. “Now, where is Rhaenyra? We have much to discuss.”

“Her grace will join us soon.”

Aegon nods, “I request a small audience, before the council.”

“That can be arranged.”

“After which your brother might tend the children whilst you show me your quarters.” Aegon whispers.

Y/N smirks, “of course.”

Part 3

Taglist: @minttea07 @callsignwidow @fallout-girl219 @syraxnyra @vickynephilim @jeondeluxe111 @geeksareunique @arya-brooke @7minutes-tomidnight

[caffeinewitchcraft]

The Hero and Hope

Based off a world where everyone gets a Destiny they must fulfill. Bakers and Demon Kings (x) and Villagers (X). You? You are a Hero.

----------------

You are a Hero.

Nobody at the orphanage knows. The mark sets during the worst winter in three decades, when the windows have to be barred to prevent snow spirits from ripping them to shreds and the Director takes half the reserves and runs in the middle of the night.

Sarah, the only caregiver left in the rickety building, holds as many of the kids as she can while the snow spirits scream outside. You’d love to be in the circle of her arms, but you’re holding the door shut with as much strength as your eight-year-old arms allow.

She doesn’t tell you to get away from the door.

“It’s alright,” she says, voice trembling. Her brown hair, matted from the months indoors, hides her eyes. She croons to the younger kids like a bird, so softly and gently that you have to strain to hear it over the howling demons and roaring winds. “We’ll be okay. Our land’s Lord will send a Hero, you’ll see. We’ll be okay then.”

Your arms burn as intensely as your eyes. A Hero. Your stomach aches from hunger and your fingers sting from the cold. You aren’t sure how much good you’re doing keeping the door closed, but there’s something deep inside of you that tells you you must do something. The blows from the snow spirits outside vibrate up your arms, nearly throwing you back.

Heroes, you think, only matter if they show up.

Hope is traumatic. Eight-years-old and you’ve been returned from potential families twice. Three days ago, you found the beginnings of greenery in the woods behind the orphanage. When you excitedly raced back to tell the others that winter was ending, it was only to find the Director and most of the caregivers gone with a significant portion of the rations.

Then the storm clouds rolled in.

So that long, dangerous night, you don’t hope. You shut your ears to Sarah’s gentle comforts and the snow spirits’ shrieks. You focus on the burning in your arms, the blisters forming on your heels, the cold nipping at your fingers.

Hope is traumatic but trying is something you can do. You put your small body between all of the horrors outside the door and the other kids. You try to stand firm.

You don’t notice when the burning in your arms hides the arrival of a telling mark on your left bicep.

---------------------.

You are fourteen years old, one year shy of coming into your power, when a couple visits the orphanage intending to adopt.

Sarah is now the Director of the orphanage, awarded the position by the land’s Lord after that terrible winter six years ago. She’s different than she was then. You lost three kids to hunger before spring finally came and she held each one in their last moments.

You and Sarah never develop the close relationship she has with the other kids. But she always makes sure you have more meat in your meals than most and, when you hunt in the woods, you always let her decide how the food will be divided between dinner and winter stores.

“We’re Knights,” the potential adopters tell the Director. They’re a couple, a man and a woman with dark hair and muscular bodies. “Retired. We’re settling just north of here for good and are looking for a suitable child who can follow in our footsteps.”

Director Sarah looks at them coldly, leaning back in her chair and folding her hands over her stomach. If she notices you and two of the younger kids peeking through the crack in the door, she doesn’t say anything. “I apologize, Mr. and Mrs. Bahr, but it seems there’s a misunderstanding. We do not pair children with families based on their Destiny.”

“We’re not saying you do,” Mrs. Bahr says. Her gaze is cutting though her shoulders are relaxed. “Our Lord explained before we came. However, there is no rule against asking the children their Destiny, is there?”

Loophole. You pull away from the crack in the door, letting Hera and Josiah take your spot. You lean against the wall with your eyes closed. Orphanages aren’t allowed to disclose Destinies, but that’s where the protection ends. If someone sees a child’s Destiny or learns of it through some other means, that’s alright.

These people aren’t here to adopt because they want a child. They’re here to adopt for a guarantee. A guarantee of what remains to be seen. An heir like they claim? A prodigy for status? Or a weapon for them to control?

You listen for any other clues behind their motives, but the Bahrs don’t push the issue of Destiny again. They accept Director Sarah’s schedule for meeting the kids, even offering to host a picnic day at their estate as a treat. The couple wants to gain trust, you can tell, and by the end of the meeting it’s working.

Director Sarah sees them off to the door herself.

“We’ll wait for the invitation,” she says. She’s older now, her thin brown hair showing the beginning signs of going grey. But her handshake looks strong when she shakes Mrs. Bahr’s in farewell. “I’m sure the children will be thrilled.”

“I hope so,” Mrs. Bahr says. Her husband nods to the Director gravely, but Mrs. Bahr lingers. “I’m sorry if we came off a little…forward when we mentioned Destinies. Please believe me when I say that my husband and I aren’t so shallow. We are looking for a child – one we can call our own.”

“I see,” Director Sarah says. There’s a hint of warmth in her voice. “As I said, we look forward to your invitation.”

Mrs. Bahr nods and joins her husband in their carriage. They set off down the road without once having asked to meet one of the children on the first day of their introduction.

You can tell Sarah likes them.

“What do you think?” Sarah asks. She doesn’t turn from the road, even though the Bahr’s carriage is out of sight. “Isla?”

You don’t ask how she knows it’s you lurking in the shadows of the orphanage. Director Sarah is a Guardian. Her senses are elevated when it comes to those under her charge.

“I don’t think anything,” you say. You step out from around the corner with a sigh. No use hiding now. “They’re influential people if they were recommended here by the Lord himself. We’re fortunate.”

“You’re the right age for a Knight’s apprenticeship,” Sarah says.

“Hera hasn’t shown me her Destiny, but it’s probably something suitable,” you say. Hera is ten, one of the older kids at the orphanage. Last summer she lifted Josiah, only a year younger than her and already a head taller, out of the well before he could drown. “You should talk to her about what being part of a Knight family could mean.”

Sarah looks at you over her shoulder. The setting sun catches in her eyes, turning the warm brown into an unearthly amber. “I hope you can accept the possibility they might choose you.”

They won’t. “Aren’t I needed here?” you ask.

Sarah’s expression softens. “You are, Isla,” she says. She weighs her next words carefully. “But I am the one who’s responsible for all of you. I can take care of everyone. If the Bahr family is a good fit…”

“Sure,” you say flippantly. You shove your hands in your pockets and slink back into the orphanage. You don’t dare hope. “I’m going to help Josiah.” He’s on dinner duty tonight. He always cuts the onions too roughly. “See you later.”

You feel Sarah’s eyes on your back like a physical warmth.

-----------.

Being a Hero doesn’t change anything about you. You expected it to when you first noticed the mark but, even six years later, nothing’s different.

You aren’t kinder. When Josiah asks for your dessert, you steal a bit of his as punishment for even asking. When Hera asks for a bedtime story, you tell her one so scary that she has to sleep with one of the other girls. When Sarah asks you to fix the fence around the chickens, you whine and complain that you’re the only one who does anything around the orphanage.

“The curse of being the oldest,” Sarah says dryly. She hands you a hammer and a bucketful of nails. “Some posts were dropped off at the end of the lane. Make sure you’re back by sunset.”

Maybe you’re a little stronger than others. You can drag three posts at once and could probably drag more if you wanted. But another curse of being a Hero is that you’re very aware.

It’s not until you’re nailing a third rail to the fence that Mr. Bahr makes his presence known. You don’t turn even when he makes his steps purposefully heavy to avoid scaring you.

“You’re very strong,” Mr. Bahr says.

His shadow is long and thin, just like him. You observe it from your peripherals, unable to speak with the two nails you’re holding between your lips. You take your time pounding them into the wood. He’s arms, a sword at his hip, but his hands are loose at his sides.

“Good thing I am,” you say at last. You stand and turn in the same motion. He waited for you to finish without chastising you for not speaking right away. You perch the hammer on your shoulder. “Otherwise, the chickens would take over.”

Mr. Bahr laughs. Unlike when he was meeting Director Sarah, his face is relaxed and open. His blue eyes sparkle. “We couldn’t have that now, could we? I suppose we all owe you our thanks for preventing the coop’s coup.”

You want to laugh. You don’t. “Director Sarah won’t like you being here uninvited.”

“I just came to drop off an invitation,” Mr. Bahr says. He studies you for a moment and then smiles. “I hope you’ll accept, Isla.”

A chill races down your spine. How does he know your name? You wipe the sweat from your brow with a scowl. “Maybe I don’t want to be adopted.”

To your surprise, Mr. Bahr nods. “I can understand that,” he says. He looks up at the sky. The light is sliding from the sky, catching on the clouds and turning them a brilliant orange. When he looks back at you, he almost looks…sad. “Think of our invitation as a party, hm? No strings attached.”

For some reason your tongue feels heavy. It takes two tries before you can say, “I need to fix this part of the fence before dark.”

“Want some help?” Mr. Bahr asks.

“I couldn’t ask—”

“You didn’t ask, I offered,” Mr. Bahr says. He rolls up his sleeves and nimbly plucks the hammer from your grip. “I may be a Knight, but I’ve done my fair share of carpentry. Let me show you a few tricks.”

You listen quietly as Mr. Bahr shows you how to twist the nails to avoid splitting the wood. What would have taken you an hour to finish, he accomplishes in a quarter of one, talking to you the entire time.

It’s…odd to have an adult’s attention on you for such a long time. He’s careful not to get too close, always offering you the hammer to practice by setting it on the grass between you rather than handing it to you directly. When you manage to replicate his technique on your second try, Mr. Bahr is more excited than you are.

“Wonderful,” he compliments. He glances up at the sky. The first stars are twinkling. “I’ll be going now and you should too. Have a good night, Isla.”

Unlike the first time he said your name, it feels pleasant now. You mutter a goodbye and leave before he does, scurrying towards the orphanage with your bucket of nails clutched to your chest.

He’s gone when you think to check the road for his carriage. Did he walk here? Ride a horse?

You close and lock the orphanage’s doors behind you.

----------------.

The picnic isn’t scheduled until the middle of summer and it’s spring now. Still, it’s all anyone can talk about.

“We have plenty of time to get ready,” Director Sarah tells them. “The Bahrs will be dropping in from time to time until then. I expect everyone to be on their best behavior when they’re here.”

Josiah raises his hand. “I hear they live in a castle!”

“A manor,” Sarah corrects. “Given to them by our Lord for their years of service.”

“The Guard in town says they worked for the King once!” Hera says, wiggling in her seat. “Is that true?”

“You can ask them yourself,” Sarah says. She claps her hands together and starts urging the kids up. “It’s time for chores. Your assignment is posted by the kitchen…”

You stay seated at the breakfast table. You haven’t eaten your third egg or your last slice of toast. Your stomach feels queasy. You keep thinking about Mr. Bahr saying wonderful when you worked on the fence together.

You aren’t supposed to want to be adopted. You’ve had your chance and you ruined it both times. It’s not fair of you to imagine what it would be like learning swordsmanship from Mr. Bahr and what it’d be like to hear him praise you when you got the next move right. One of the other kids deserve that chance.

You can only do what you can do.

---------------.

Mrs. Bahr is alone the next visit.

No one recognizes her at first. She’s wearing a gown like a noble and her hair is gently flowing down her back rather than tightly pinned behind her head.

“I’ve received the Director’s permission to hold a lesson on writing,” she tells the children. She gestures to the bag she’s set on the table. “Come get a slate and a piece of chalk. We will work all together.”

The kids have never had slate and chalk before, not the real ones anyway. Sometimes you find a nice, flat rock they can draw on with charcoal, but it’s not as entertaining as what Mrs. Bahr brings. She watches everyone in amusement as they immediately start drawing instead of starting the lesson, flower and trees and swords.

“Look, Isla,” Hera says, tugging at your sleeve. You’re seated on the spare chair by the wall, away from the table. She twists from her spot to show you she’s drawn a shaky stick figure. “It’s you!”

Your eyes flick up to Mrs. Bahr. She’s not irritated by the distractions yet. You point with your bit of chalk at the drawing. “Which part of it is me?”

Hera points at a blob in the stick figure’s hand. “That’s the horned rabbit you brought home yesterday!”

You snort. The horned rabbit you’d killed yesterday wasn’t half the size of your body. “Are you sure that’s a horned rabbit? Looks like a turtle to me.”

Hera points to the stick figure’s face. “You can also tell it’s you ‘cause you’re frowning.”

“Hey!”

Mrs. Bahr claps her hands together. Instantly, she has the room’s attention. “I’m glad you all like my present. However, it’s time to get started.”

“Present?” Josiah asks.

“If you work hard today, you will be allowed to keep the slate and chalk as a present,” Mrs. Bahr says. She takes care to make eye contact with every kid. “Only those who work hard.”

It’s generous. You watch Mrs. Bahr from under your lashes as she talks everyone through writing the alphabet. It’s too generous not to be genuine. Try as you might, you can’t figure out any ulterior motive to spending so much on the kids. To look good? For who? For Director Sarah?

Director Sarah won’t be swayed by gifts like this even if the kids could be.

Mrs. Bahr stops well away from you, observing your slate from afar. “Very good, Isla. Do you know how to write?”

“No, ma’am.”

“Read?”

“Only a little.”

Mrs. Bahr hums. She doesn’t look disgusted by your stupidity or put off by your clipped tone. Your first family returned you when you told them. Mrs. Bahr’s lips curve. “Your letters are wonderfully steady. I can tell you will be a very good student.”

She turns before she can see you flush.

---------.

Over the next few months, there isn’t a week that goes by without at least one of the Bahrs visiting. They become a regularity around the orphanage to the point that even Director Sarah stops worrying about the state of their rooms with every visit.

“Kids will be kids,” Mrs. Bahr says when you ask her to wait while you tidy the toys in the parlor. “It’s alright, Isla.”

Your head spins. Sometimes, when one of them says something particularly bizarre, you feel like you’re outside your body. There was a time when they didn’t have toys to leave out in the visiting area. Thanks to the Bahrs, every child has a doll, a slate, a new set of shoes, and an abacus. You are still waiting for the strings that come with these presents.

There haven’t been any yet.

The kids love the Bahrs. Hera insists on baking fresh strawberry tarts for them after a day of gathering. Josiah carefully sounds out passages from their new books to show them that he’s still practicing his letters. Annie and a group of the younger kids spend all day weaving a flower crown for Mrs. Bahr that you have to confiscate before they can put it on her head.

“Go wash your hands,” you scold. Despite your tone, your hands are gentle as you push Annie to the schoolhouse. “Don’t touch your eyes.”

Annie blinks rapidly, trying to hold back tears. “I didn’t know it was poison, lady, I swear.”

“Oh,” Mrs. Bahr says, hand fluttering over her heart. She steps towards Annie. “Dear one—”

You give full body flinch when Mrs. Bahr stoops to hug Annie, but you don’t get between them. The Bahrs have won your trust in this. They won’t hurt the kids.

You sigh to hide your flinch when Mrs. Bahr stands. “Now Mrs. Bahr needs to wash. Poison ivy is no joke.”

“It is not,” Mrs. Bahr agrees. She ruffles Annie’s hair. “Go on, do as Isla says. Wash up.”

“We can go together,” Annie says with her big, blue eyes. She reaches for Mrs. Bahr’s hand and then thinks better of it. She tucks her hands behind her back and kicks at the ground. “If you want.”

“I’ll be right behind you,” Mrs. Bahr says, smiling.

Annie nods and races to follow her friends.

“I’m sorry,” you say as soon as Annie is out of ear shot. You busy yourself picking up the fallen flower crown and the various trimmings of poison ivy they’d used for foliage throughout it. You feel flustered. “They really didn’t know any better—”

“I know,” Mrs. Bahr says so gently that you have to look up at her. She’s frowning at your hands. “I’m more concerned about you. Should you be holding onto it like that?’

“I’m immune,” you say. You’re not worried that she’ll guess your Destiny from that. Lots of Villagers are immune to poison ivy, particularly the ones in this region who rely on gathering and hunting. “Since I’m in the woods so much.”

“Knights are immune too,” Mrs. Bahr says. She follows you away from the orphanage and to the tree line. “You’re quite the hunter, aren’t you? I remember Hera saying you slayed a horned rabbit.”

Heat comes to your face. You stomp ahead of her to deposit the flower crown in some denser foliage where the kids won’t be able to get it. “I get lucky.”

“I’d consider it unlucky to run across a horned rabbit,” Mrs. Bahr says. She examines the forest with interest. “A demon is a demon. Even adults have difficulty with horned rabbits.”

It hadn’t been difficult. You’d been armed with a sharpened branch and, when the rabbit leapt for you, you knew right when to stab. You clear your throat. “It was difficult.” Then when Mrs. Bahr doesn’t say anything, you add, “It was frightening.”

She believes you. She lays a gentle hand on your shoulder to get you to look her in the face. “The orphanage budget is enough that you don’t need to hunt, Isla,” Mrs. Bahr says. “I know I don’t like the idea of a fourteen-year-old out here alone and unarmed.”

“Almost fifteen,” you say, “and I had a sharp stick.”

“A sharp sti—” Mrs. Bahr cuts herself off with a deep breath. “Regardless of your…aptitude, Isla, it’s dangerous. I’ve spoken to the Director and she agrees with me. You aren’t to go hunting anymore.”

The forest suddenly feels too hot. The leaves overhead rustle, but you can barely hear it over the roaring of your blood. “Excuse me?”

Mrs. Bahr steps closer. “You’re a very strong girl, Isla, but it’s dangerous. If you want to go out with me or Mr. Bahr—”

You shake off her hand. “The Director agreed with you? She said I’m not allowed to go hunting anymore?”

“Out of concern for your safety.” Mrs. Bahr looks like she regrets saying anything. “Once Mr. Bahr and I explained to her what a risk a horned rabbit poses—”

You run away. Mrs. Bahr calls out after you, but you don’t stop. Beyond the sting of Mr. and Mrs. Bahr not thinking you strong enough to hunt, there’s a deeper hurt. The Director agrees. Really? Really?

“Isla? What’s wrong? I thought you were with Mrs. Bahr,” Director Sarah says when you burst into her office. She sets the papers she’d been reading down and frowns. “You look—”

“I’m not supposed to go hunting anymore?” you ask.

Sarah’s face blooms in understanding. “After what Mr. and Mrs. Bahr said about the increase in demons in the area, I agreed—”

“It’s summer,” you interrupt. You stalk up to her desk, your fists balled at your side. “It’s time to hunt.”

“The Bahrs have agreed to accompany you—”

“They only come once a week,” you say. You’re being so incredibly rude to the Director, but you don’t care. “I need to hunt three times that at least. The game has been moving deeper into the forest—”

“Where you are not allowed to go,” Director Sarah says, this time interrupting you. She steeples her hands in front of her. “I should have curtailed this activity long before this point, but I thought you needed it.”

“We need it,” you say. You can’t believe what you are hearing. “We need to store up rations, you know that.”

“Our budget allows us to purchase rations in town.”

“But what if that’s not enough? It’s better to have our own supply—”

“It will be enough.”

“It still doesn’t hurt to have some extra jerky—”

“The store we have will be enough.”

“But what if it’s not?!” You’ve raised your voice without realizing it, fists shaking at your sides. “The other kids are too young to remember o-or too new, but you and I do. That winter, we didn’t have enough. Why are you trying to stop me?” To your horror, your voice cracks. “I thought you understood.”

There’s silence in the room except for your panting breath.

“I’m sorry,” Sarah finally says. The sudden apology is enough to close your mouth against what you might have said. She meets your eyes. “You’ve always been so strong that I…Isla, you were a child. I will always be grateful for what you did that winter and for every winter since. I relied on you, a child, because I didn’t have any other option. We didn’t have another option. But now we do. We’re okay now, Isla. You don’t have to work so hard to protect us.”

“Yes, I do, I’m—” the Hero “—I can do it.” There is something inside of you telling you that that is what you must do. You think that it’s part of being a Hero.

((You’re worried that it’s because you’re scared.))

“My decision is final,” Sarah says. She picks up her documents and straightens them. “You are only to go hunting with an adult from now on. If I find out you went to the woods without one, there will be consequences.”

She’s using the same tone she uses on the other kids when they’re misbehaving. I mean business. You stare at her for a long, breathless moment. You jerkily turn to go.

Mrs. Bahr is hovering in the doorway. She looks guiltily between you and Director Sarah. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to eavesdrop…”

You shove past her and run to your room.

-------------.

Somewhat counterintuitively, as an orphan you’re never alone. You throw yourself face down on your bed.

A shocked silence swallows the occupants on the other bed.

“Is she okay?” Josiah asks Hera.

“It’s Isla,” Hera answers. There’s the rustling of bedsheets as Hera climbs out of bed and then the soft sound of socks on hardwood as she comes over. “You okay?”

You are not okay. There’s an intense war of emotions in your chest. Anger that none of the adults seem to think you’re capable. Betrayal that Sarah isn’t on your side. A sick fear at the thought of being unprepared for winter. And, now that you’ve run away so spectacularly, shame. They probably think you’re overreacting, but they’re wrong. They’re the ones who are being naïve. They’re the ones who—

A gentle hand on the back of your head freezes the thought. Hera pets your short, black hairs in an attempt at comfort. “It’s okay, Isla. You can just sleep. Sleep makes everything better.”

That’s what you tell the younger kids. The difference between you and Hera saying it? When Hera falls asleep, you work to fix the problem. If you fall asleep, no one is going to fix the problem for you.

You flip over, dislodging Hera’s hand. You look up at her as if seeing her for the first time. She’s ten, two years older than you were when the winter happened. She was four then. You want to ask her if she remembers, but instead you ask, “Do you think Sarah hates me?”

“What?” Hera’s eyes are wide. “No! What makes you think that?”

“Nothing,” you say. “It’s stupid. Forget I asked.” You turn on your side, your back to them.

“I know she’s worried about you,” Josiah says. He offers the information tentatively. “I overheard her and the Bahrs talking. Did they ban you from the woods?”

You don’t move. “What else did they say?” You’re afraid that he’s going to say they called you weak. Or, worse, a nuisance. “Did they say anything else about me?”

“Not really.”

Nobody hears anything useful around here. You close your eyes. “I just want to be alone for a little while. I—”

There’s a knock on the door. “Isla? It’s me, Marie. Can I come in?”

Marie? Too late you remember that that’s Mrs. Bahr’s name. She’s been trying to get the kids to call her be her first name. So far no one’s taken her up on it and she hasn’t pushed.

Hera opens the door. “Hi, Mrs. Bahr. Isla is being moody.”

You sit up with a squawk. “I am not!”

“If it’s alright, I’d like to talk to Isla for a moment,” Mrs. Bahr says to Josiah and Hera. “Alone.”

“Don’t let her yell at you,” Hera says as she passes Mrs. Bahr. “She never means it.”

You are going to strangle her. “I don’t yell!”

“That’s not an inside voice,” Josiah says. He dodges the pillow you throw at him, pulling the door closed behind him and Hera.

You are suddenly alone in the room with Mrs. Bahr.

You sit up further, pressing your back against the headboard. Mrs. Bahr doesn’t look mad. Her hands are clasped in front of her and she’s looking down at the floor. It almost looks like she’s the nervous one. You hug your pillow to your chest. “You can sit down if you’d like.”

Mrs. Bahr looks up at you. Her lips twitch. “Thank you, Isla.” She sits down on Hera’s bed gingerly as if afraid it wouldn’t be able to take her wait. When she’s settled, she says, “I wanted to apologize to you.”

Your arms tighten around your pillow. “Why?”

“Not for saying you shouldn’t hunt alone,” Mrs. Bahr says. She’s not a mind reader but sometimes it seems like she is. “For not understanding what hunting means to you. I would have approached things differently if I’d known.”

“Known what?”

“About what you’ve been through.”

The winter. That’s the only thing Mrs. Bahr could be talking about. She must have heard more of your conversation (argument) with the Director than you thought. “It was a long time ago,” you say. You really don’t want to talk about this with Mrs. Bahr. Not when you can still feel that winter’s desperation in your molars like a memory. “I’m fine.”

Mrs. Bahr is quiet for a moment. She studies you much like Mr. Bahr did all those weeks ago mending the fence. “I was a knight for 30 years, you know. I supposed it’s not weird that a Knight worked as a knight for so long. As soon as I came into my power at 15, I was compelled to hold a sword. To seek out evils and defeat them. To follow my Lord into battle no matter the cause.” She looks up at the ceiling. “I’ve had a lot of adventures and helped many, many people. But there was a time when I wanted to quit.”

You start. “You did?”

“I wanted to work in a flower shop,” Mrs. Bahr says. She leans back on her hands. “What a life it could have been! Waking up before the sun and hiking to the flower fields…I had my new house all picked out. It’d have a koi pond and a row of red rocks from the Harrow River. That’s where I met Ivan.”

Mr. Bahr. He’s been trying to get you to call him by his first name too. Unlike Mrs. Bahr, he’s much pushier about it. “What made you want to quit?”

“Exhaustion,” Mrs. Bahr says. She closes her eyes. “It seemed that there was a new threat to my Lord every day. An assassination attempt from a branch family. A territorial dispute. A new influx of demon beasts. It got to the point that I hardly left my Lord’s side for fear of returning to find him dead. He was the first Lord I swore my loyalty to. I always felt like I was failing those days. So I wanted to quit.”

You’ve felt like that before. Sometimes it seems like you never catch enough while hunting, that you’re never kind enough, that you’re never strong enough. You’ve never thought about working in a flower shop though. “Why didn’t you?”

“I did.” Mrs. Bahr laughs at your shocked expression. “I was in my twenties. They tell you things calm down after your teen years, but that’s not true. I handed in my resignation and fled for the nearest town.” Her smile softens. “Ivan followed me.”

“He was there?”

Mrs. Bahr nods. “We were sworn to the same Lord. He came galloping up with my resignation clutched in his hand. His face was so red!” She laughs. “’What does this mean, Marie? He was crying! You can’t quit! I haven’t beaten you yet!’”

“And that’s what convinced you to stay a knight?” you ask. That doesn’t help you. You don’t have a significant other to come racing after you.

“No,” Mrs. Bahr said. “Ivan didn’t know why I wanted to quit. I can’t do it, I said. I can’t keep the Lord safe. I’m not enough. You know what he said?”

You shake your head.

“He said, Of course, you’re not enough,” Mrs. Bahr says. She’s lowering her voice in imitation of Ivan’s. “You were never going to be enough.” You’re gaping at his harsh words, but Mrs. Bahr looks amused. “That’s why we have a squadron. The job is too big for one person. All you need to do is your part.”

You stare at her, not understanding.

“The world isn’t carried by one person,” Mrs. Bahr says. “I was so convinced that everything was up to me – the Lord’s safety, the next campaign’s success, or defense from monsters – that I buckled under the pressure. What I didn’t see that it wasn’t all my responsibility. I was part of a team. All I had to do was one part.”

You think of the winter night and holding the door shut. There hadn’t been anyone to help you then. Someone needed to comfort the younger kids. Someone needed to try and protect them. “What if there isn’t anyone else?”

“Then we do our best,” Mrs. Bahr says immediately. She meets your eyes. “But are you by yourself now, Isla?”

Yes. You open your mouth to tell her that, but the word won’t come out. Are you? Director Sarah looked so defeated when you accused her of not understanding. But didn’t she understand better than anyone else. You swallow. “No. There’s Director Sarah.”

“What does she do?”

“She takes care of us,” you say. “She makes sure the money we get goes to the right things.”

Mrs. Bahr smiles warmly. “That’s right. Who else?”

“…Hera,” you say. You remember she pulled Josiah from the well before Annie even had the chance to tell you what had happened. “She watches the younger kids.”

“She’s very good with them,” Mrs. Bahr says. “Who else?”

Your mind blanks. Who else? “Josiah. He helps us study.”

“And?”

And? “T-the Lord. He makes sure we have the funds for what we need.”

“Including winter provisions,” Mrs. Bahr agrees.

You frown. You suddenly see where this is going. “The amount of winter provisions he thinks we need.”

Mrs. Bahr hums. “What happens if he’s wrong?”

“That’s why I hunt,” you say. Maybe now she’ll understand. “So that we’ll be okay if he’s wrong.”

“What if you don’t hunt enough?” Mrs. Bahr asks.

Your chest is tight. You rub at your sternum and try to breathe deeply. “We starve,” you say. You wheeze and then clear your throat. “We’d starve, but that’s not going to happen. Because I always hunt enough.” I have to.

“This year,” Mrs. Bahr says, voice gentle and soothing, “say you don’t hunt anymore. The winter is harsher than expected and the orphanage’s stores are depleted. What do you think will happen?”

You laugh and gasp at the same time. “They’d all starve,” you say again. What doesn’t she get about that? “First the little ones then—”

Mrs. Bahr is shaking her head. “No, Isla, that’s not what would happen.”

Your temper flares. “That’s what always—”

“What would happen,” Mrs. Bahr says in her even tone, “is that Mr. Bahr and I would come deliver extra provisions to you.”

All the air is chased from your lungs. You feel eight again, small and vulnerable and cold. You’re shivering as you stare at her. “You would?”

“We would.” Gently, as if afraid she might scare you, Mrs. Bahr moves from Hera’s bed to yours. She puts a warm hand on your knee. “We’re a fortress. The Lord gives us part of the emergency fund in order to keep our stores and grounds ready for refugees. Mr. Bahr keeps fifteen percent more than the most generous estimate out of an abundance of caution. We would come and make sure nobody starved.”

For some reason, that makes you want to cry. You blink against the sudden heat behind your eyes. “Oh.”

“That’s why we don’t want you to go hunting,” Mrs. Bahr says. Her thumb rubs over your knee. “It was worth the risk before. You worked hard to keep everyone here alive. You are incredible, for that, Isla. I can’t tell you how much I admire your strength and your bravery. But things are different now. You don’t need to do as much as you did before. There are other people on your squad.”

But I’m the Hero, you want to say. Heroes are supposed to save the day, aren’t they?

Knights help save the day too.

You let Mrs. Bahr pat your knee for a long time. She seems content to let you think, her energy a pleasant hum next to you. A knot is untying in your chest. If you don’t hunt, it’s not the end of everyone. There will still be the funds from the Lord. Sarah’s always been excellent at stretching those as far as they need to go. And, if they aren’t enough, there’s something different this year. The Bahrs are here.

“You’d help us even if you’re only going to adopt one of us?” you ask.

Mrs. Bahr’s lips thin. She looks sad, but hides it quickly. “We’re Knights,” she says. “Even if we are retired. We’ll be here the moment you need us.”

You don’t hope. Hope is traumatic. But…

You believe her.

--------

(Part 2) (part 3)

--------

Thanks for reading! There will be a new part of Hope and the Hero every Friday!

If you'd like to read the whole story now, please consider supporting me on Patreon (X)!

There's also a new story up there, a sequel to my Dandelion villain story (X)

Summary: You are free of mind control for the first time in a year. The only things standing between you and your revenge are the heroes.

[kariningss]

i really hate how people praise love and act like she’s j such a great person like she’s not just as bad as joe, if not worse in a way