#these interviews showed a lot of each of their personalities and it helped me fall in love with them so i really want to share!!

[zegrasdrysdale]

[ slip of the tongue ] n. hischier

paring : Nico Hischier x fem!reader

summary : after a Devils win, Nico gets interviewed in the locker room after scoring his first NHL hatty. he slips up in front of the cameras and mentions his girlfriend for the first time. it doesn't stop her from showing Nico how proud she is of him though ...

warning(s) : smut ! p in v protected sex, oral (m receiving), pet names during sex, language throughout. possibly wrongly translated german (i'm learning)

author’s note : this plot has been in my head for a while so here i am. pls just indulge me w this bc i was having a moment while writing it

18+ below the cut ! MINORS DNI

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(Y/N) swears she won't have a voice come the morning.

As soon as the puck went into the net and the goal horn went off for the third time, she's been screaming in the suite with the other Devils wives and girlfriends. Her boyfriend just scored his first NHL hat trick and she couldn't be prouder of him. They're now up 5-2 on the Sabres with less than a minute left in the game.

Jack and Dawson have a goal each along with Nico's three goals. It's a four-point night for her captain boyfriend since he got an assist on Jack's power play goal. She remains standing until the final horn that signals the game is over. The Rock is buzzing as the Devils give Vitek some goalie hugs.

She records when Nico is announced as the first star of the game for his four-point night. The crowd cheers as loud as they did when Nico scored the hat trick. Her lips hurt from smiling for nearly ten minutes straight.

As soon as Nico skates off the ice, (Y/N) makes her way down to the players' lounge room that the wives and girlfriends usually hang out in before and after the game. She hangs out with Vitek and Erik's wives as she waits for the players to come in after they've changed and showered.

Notifications start coming through about a half hour after going to the players' lounge. A lot of notifications. New followers, lots of likes and comments on Instagram. A lot of mentions on Twitter. She has no idea what's going on.

(Y/N) reads one tweet that's in her mentions that has a clip attached to it.

vina @/hischiers i knew there were rumors but nico hard launching his relationship after the game was not something i expected to happen today of all days

She clicks on the clip of Nico in his postgame interview and watches it.

Amanda Stein asks off camera, "Did you have any friends or family present for the game today to witness your first NHL hat trick?"

Nico doesn't hesitate to reply, "My girlfriend came to her first Devils home game today." He smiles and bites his bottom lip. "Yeah, she, uh, this game was really special for me because she's here and she got to witness my first hat trick in person." He blushes and doesn't stop smiling in the clip.

"Oh my God," (Y/N) gasps as the clip restarts.

They never talked about going public with their relationship. They've been dating for about seven months. Nico is one of hockey's most popular players, and (Y/N) has seen how loved he is among the fans. She's basically a no one from Newark dating the captain of a hockey team in the NHL.

The players begin to make their way into the lounge area. They make their way to their wife or girlfriend or really whoever they invited to the game. Her eyes are on the door as she waits for Nico to come in.

Jack and Luke walk into the room with Nico five minutes after the rest of the team does. They're deep in conversation but she can't help but run over to her boyfriend and basically jump into his arms.

Both Hughes boys both laugh as Nico catches her and she wraps herself around him completely. He wraps his arms around her torso so she doesn't fall.

"Congratulations, baby," she says against his hair. It's still damp so he recently showered. "I'm so proud of you."

"Guess you're my good luck charm," he laughs in reply. (Y/N) pulls back so she can see his face and he looks genuinely happy. "I play a lot better when you're in attendance."

She shakes her head and smiles. "I think that's bullshit," she tells him. "There's a reason you're one of the league's best players since you came back from your injury. It's not because of me."

"I think you should come to more games anyway," Nico says. "Clearly I like when you come to games."

(Y/N) laughs and rests her hands where Nico's shoulders meet his neck. "I'll come to games whenever you want," she replies. "You like to show off when I come."

He smiles and nods. "I gotta show off for my girlfriend," he retorts. "Especially when she looks so good in my jersey."

"Flatterer," she laughs before she leans down and captures his lips in a soft kiss. Nico laughs into the next kiss before she pulls back and looks at him. "By the way, did you know you told the entire league and it's fans that you have a girlfriend during your postgame interview?"

"You saw?"

"It's all over social media, Nico. People are saying you hard launched our relationship."

She lets her legs drop and Nico lowers her to the ground. "There were rumors anyway," he replies. "It was bound to come out. Did it bother you? It just kind of came out when I was asked and I wasn't really thinking about the fact that we never talked about it."

"I just would've liked a little heads up," she tells him with a smile on her face. "Are you ready to go?"

He nods and begins to make the rounds to say goodbye to the Devils. She never lets go of his hand as he says goodbye to his teammates. It's his job as captain to tell the team how good they did so he doesn't forget about that. He congratulates Jack and Dawson on their goals before they finally head to the parking lot.

Nico drove them to the Prudential Center in his car so she sits in the passenger seat of the car so Nico can drive them to whoever's place is closest. Which is Nico's apartment.

As they leave the parking lot, Nico stops and says hi to some fans. Pictures are taken where (Y/N) is definitely in the background but at this point, she doesn't care. Nico already told the entire world that he had a girlfriend that was at the game.

He signs some jerseys and pucks, takes some pictures, and gets more than a few congratulations on his hat trick before Nico finally pulls out of the parking lot. He looks over at (Y/N), who gives him a small smile as they stop at a red light.

"You played really well tonight," she tells him. "I'm not just saying that because you had a four-point night but you played really well. I'm so proud of you for getting your first hat trick tonight. I can't believe that I was able to watch it happen in person."

Nico laughs and says, "I told you that you're my good luck charm. The first game you come to after we start dating and I score my first NHL hat trick. It's not a coincidence."

She shakes her head with a smile on her face and looks out the window until they get to Nico's. She plays with her thumbs under the sleeves of her too big jersey that Nico gave to her a few weeks ago.

Fifteen minutes after leaving the arena, Nico pulls into his apartment building parking lot and parks in his usual spot. Her car is parked next to his. They get out and begin the trip up to the top floor of the building where Nico lives.

The building is ten stories tall so it takes a minute for the elevator to get up to the tenth floor from the first floor. Their fingers are laced together the entire time.

(Y/N) follows close behind as Nico unlocks the front door to his penthouse apartment. She wraps her arms around his torso as he unlocks the door and presses her front to his back. "You can't wait until we get inside?" Nico asks as the stupid door finally unlocks.

"Nope," she replies, popping the "p". "I wanna show you how proud of you I am."

He laughs before he pushes the door open. (Y/N) stumbles inside after her boyfriend. She closes the door behind her and Nico presses her against it with his hands on her waist. She stares up at him like she’s challenging him to do something.

Nico looks her up and down. “I wasn’t lying earlier when I said you looked good in my jersey,” he tells her. His voice is deeper and accent thicker than it normally is. “I love seeing my name and number on your back. Knowing you’re mine. It’s so hot. You're so beautiful.”

“Do something about it.” Her voice almost comes out as a whisper. She is absolutely challenging him at this point.

He leans down and captures her lips in a searing kiss. Her heart leaps in her chest when their lips touch. Her back hits the door with the force of the kiss and her fingers grasp at the collar of the jacket Nico is wearing. (Y/N) pulls him as close to her as she can get him.

He presses himself completely against her and slots a thigh between her legs. She has to resist the urge to grind up against his thigh to give herself some relief from the pressure that's building between her legs.

"Off," she mumbles as she pushes Nico's jacket off his shoulders. He helps her out and shrugs the fabric off. He kicks it to the side when it hits the floor and grabs her by the waist.

She pushes her waist off the door and they stumble toward the master bedroom where Nico sleeps. Their shoes are kicked off by the door and Nico's jacket is abandoned on the floor. He loses his tie in the living room and his button-up is lost in the hallway.

When Nico falls onto his back on the mattress, all he's wearing is his suit pants. Even they're unbuttoned and the belt is on the floor. (Y/N) looks down at her boyfriend on the bed and gnaws on her bottom lip.

Sometimes she doesn't know how she got so lucky. She fell in love with the most beautiful and loyal guy. He's captain of a NHL team but still manages to find time to see her whenever he can. He's a talented hockey player that fell in love with her.

She can't believe this is her life. Being able to fall in love with Nico has been the best thing that's ever happened to her. Being able to be loved by Nico is an honor.

"You okay?" Nico asks as he sits up. His hands run up and down the back of her thighs. "You look deep in thought."

"Just thinking," she tells him as she crawls onto his lap. She straddles his waist. "I don't know how I got so lucky to love and be loved by you. You could've fallen in love with anyone but you fell in love with me."

Nico smiles up at her and wraps his arms around her waist. "I fell in love with you because you are the most incredible and beautiful woman I have ever known," he replies. "You're so supportive of me despite my crazy schedule. I don't know how I got so lucky."

Her face gets hot as she smiles. "I'm proud of you, Nico," she says. "I am so happy that I get to see you grow as a person and a player." She leans down and presses a quick kiss to his lips. "Gonna show you how proud of you I am."

She slides down to her knees on the floor at the foot of the bed. Her fingers work on unzipping his pants. She pulls Nico's pants and boxers off in one pull. His hard dick pops out of its prison and stands against Nico's stomach. (Y/N) throws them to the floor and kisses up the inside of his leg from his knee.

After placing a soft kiss to his hip bone, she takes him in her hand and gives him a few slow pumps. Nico grabs a pillow and uses it to prop his head up so he can see her without straining his neck. She smiles up at him before she takes him in her mouth.

"Oh, fuck me," Nico breathes out as (Y/N) moves her head up and down on him. "That mouth of yours feels so good, liebling."

(Y/N) loves it when Nico uses German nicknames on her, especially when they're in bed. They sound ten times hotter when her mouth is on him or when he's inside of her. There have been times when (Y/N) has been in control and Nico has been reduced to speaking his native language.

She'll never get enough of it.

One of her hands makes up for what can't fit in her mouth while the under snakes into the leggings she's wearing under the jersey. Her own fingers run through her folds and work her toward her orgasm. She lets out an occasional hum, which drives Nico crazy. She knows it drives Nico crazy by the way he squirms under her touch every time she does it.

Then she does the one thing she knows gets Nico to come almost as soon as she does it. She hollows out her cheeks and sucks before she swirls her tongue around the fire red tip.

"(Y/N), baby," Nico pants. "Gonna come in about two seconds if you keep doing that."

With a pop, she pulls off his leaking dick. She uses her tongue to get a bead of precum that was on the corner of her mouth. "We wouldn't want that to happen so soon now would we?" she asks as she stands up.

Nico's eyes widen as she begins to undress. The leggings come off first. She reaches down to pull the jersey over her head and Nico sits up quickly. "Uh uh," he says. "Jersey stays on."

"If you come on it, you better get me a new one," she tells him as he slides back on the bed. "I'm not walking into games wearing a jersey you came on." He laughs as he reaches into his bedside drawer and pulls out a foil package.

She finishes getting undressed but leaves the jersey on. Nico slides the rubber contents of the packages onto himself as (Y/N) straddles his thighs. He sits back against the pillow and headboard. She leans down and captures Nico's swollen lips in a tender kiss. He matches her pace and slowly kisses her back. He puts a hand on the back of her neck. His fingers curl into her hair.

All of her emotions are poured into this kiss. Her hands are on his jaw so he can't go anywhere. Not that he could go anywhere since she is sitting on his lap.

(Y/N) begins to move her hips slowly. She hums as Nico's dick slides through her folds and against her clit. A soft moan falls from her lips into the kisses she exchanges with Nico.

One of her hands leaves Nico's jaw and she positions him at her entrance. She presses a long kiss to his lips and leaves them connected as she slowly sinks down onto him. A whimper comes from her as the familiar pressure fills her. Nico takes the opportunity to lick into her mouth before he pulls back to look at her.

"You feel so good, schatzi," Nico tells her. "So good for me. You take me so well, you know that?" She replies with a soft hum as he completely fills her.

She allows herself a moment to adjust before she begins to roll her hips. Nico's hands fly to her thighs before sliding under the jersey to her waist. "Fuck, Nico," she breathes out as he moves in and out of her while she rolls her hips. Her hands are on his torso to keep her balance.

Slowly, she begins to pick up her pace. Moans fall from her lips the faster she moves.

One of the best things about being with Nico is how intimate these moments are. It feels amazing to be physically connected to him like they are one person. She wouldn't trade this for the world.

They fit together like two puzzle pieces. His hands fit perfectly on her waist. Their lips mold together every time they touch. The way his nose fits perfectly above hers when their foreheads touch is her favorite thing. She molds against his body every time they lay in bed together.

It's like they were made for each other.

"(Y/N), liebling," Nico breathes out. His eyes are on her as she rides him. "Ich liebe dich so sehr."

This is what she means. It's like he's forgotten how to speak English when they're in bed together. She loves it.

"I love you too," she pants because she's slowly been learning simple phrases and knows what Nico said. He tells her he loves her all the time in German. "I love you so much. I'm so proud of you. Fuck. You're amazing."

One of Nico's hands slide to the back of her neck and he pulls her down so their foreheads rest against each other. Her nose brushes his every time she moves. Her eyes close and Nico's thumbs brush her cheeks. "Open your eyes, baby," Nico tells her. "I want to see them. Please."

Her eyes open back up and meet Nico's big brown eyes. He smiles and she leans down to kiss him. She breathes hard into the kisses that are exchanged between them.

Nico takes advantage of the distraction and rolls them over so he's hovering over her. She smiles up at him until he begins to thrust hard and deep inside of her. A pornographic moan passes her lips and she arches her back to get closer to Nico.

He reaches between them and his fingers find her sensitive clit. She gasps when he touches the bud then whines when he begins to rub her closer to her pending orgasm. "Holy fuck, Nico," she cries out. "Keep going. Fuck."

Nico throws her legs over his shoulder so he can get a new angle and move even deeper into her. She has to bite her lip to keep from screaming his name as he begins to slam into her g-spot over and over again.

"Let me hear you, liebling," Nico says. "Don't hold back."

His pace quickens and she has to grab on to something. She chooses his hair when her hands slide up into his locks and her fingers curl. "I'm gonna come, Nico," she warns him. "Fuck, I'm close."

He keeps the same pace and uses his fingers to bring her over the edge. She comes so hard she sees stars. Her vision goes almost white and Nico's name passes her lips along with a string of curses. Her legs shake as they hang on his shoulders and she cries out as she has one of the most intense climaxes of her life.

Only Nico could ever get her to come like that. No one has ever made her come like that. No one besides Nico will ever get her to come like that.

There's a weight on her chest as she comes to and she realizes that Nico is lying on her chest. They're both panting messes as Nico gets off of her after resting for who knows how long. He ties off the used condom and tosses it into the trash can by the bed.

(Y/N) pulls off the jersey and takes off the bra she's wearing because she's sweating before she crawls under the blankets to cover her naked and spent body. Nico joins her and she rests her chin on his chest. Her eyes are on his the whole time. She traces little shapes on his belly.

"I think I got a little carried away," Nico admits. "I blame the jersey."

She laughs and shakes her head. "Good to know you have a thing for me wearing your jersey," she replies. "I'll have to remember that when you're having a bad day or you have a rough game."

Nico smiles and brushes a piece of hair out of her eyes. "I really do love you a lot," he tells her. "Thank you for coming to the game tonight. It meant a lot to me that you were there to watch me score my first hat trick."

"Thank you for inviting me," she says. "I had a lot of fun watching you score your first hat trick. It was incredible."

He leans down and presses a soft kiss to her lips.

Their night is nowhere close to being over. Nico has a day off so she is going to make sure she takes care of him and gives him whatever he wants for the rest of the night. All because of that hat trick.

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MASTERLIST

have a request ? check out the guidelines !

[adoptourcrew]

Here is a transcript of Rhys talking about OFMD cancellation. You can listen to his full interview on Spotify and on Apple Podcasts.

Talking Strange Paranormal Show with Aaron Sagers: Rhys Darby Returns!

Timestamp: 37:52-41:49

Aaron: I can’t help but ask about Our Flag Means Death…I absolutely love the show. It has such a huge fan base. It even has the massive queer community support and we are now in the midst of Pride Month. For you, how do you view the legacy of Our Flag Means Death professionally. How does it rank in your work?

Rhys: Very highly. It’s an odd one, because in my mind, and I’m sure all the fans' minds, it was slightly rudely cut short. We should have gone more and I think it’s because we felt like the aim was to go for three seasons, to tell the whole story. And because it was so good and it had a lot of fans and it was representational, it was funny, it was beautifully shot, awesome costumes. We’re pirates on a boat attacking each other and making out. It was a unique show and I’m still getting over the idea that they can just go “we’re canceling that” when other things, I won’t name any names of certain other comedy shows and things, that just keep running. And I think, who the hell is making these decisions and there might be a financial element to it, yeah sure. But the budget was stripped by 40% on the second season and we shot it in New Zealand, we saved a lot of money by going to another country, which seems odd. But still, then they called it quits there at the end of number two. So it’s bittersweet in a lot of ways for me because personally, for my own journey, it was the best thing I’ve ever done because I was the lead and I got to obviously use my comedic skills, that’s easy. But I got into the drama side of things and there was some real emotional pathos and nuances that I didn’t know I was capable of doing and I got to do, and I was really proud of my work on that thing. It’s like my mum always said, “pride always comes before a fall.” (laughs) And now it’s gone. But hey! Move on, we’ll move on.

Aaron: Would you and Taika ever consider, as some other creators have, perhaps completing the story in another format, another medium, comic books for instance. A way that you could tell the story that you wanted to.

Rhys: I think the fans have already done that. The fanfiction is through the roof. But I think the show that we made was something to behold and hopefully it will stick around. It’s just two seasons, there are a lot of shows that ran for two seasons, like Flight of the Conchords, for example, there are only two seasons of that. And I look at these things now as pieces of art and there they are. And you can watch them over a long weekend or whatever you want. But it’s finite and it’s done and you can enjoy it and you can always go back to it. It’s a happy place. It’s art and that’s it.

[ghost-in-the-hall]

Fall For Me (Poly! Sleep Token x Fem! Reader) - Part I

Well, it happened... After trying to evade the hype for so long they finally got me 😂😂 This story has had me in a chokehold (haha, get it?) since I started toying around with the idea of it. Hopefully you guys enjoy it, let me know if you'd like to be added to the tag list for future chapters and/or Sleep Token one shots!

WARNINGS: None

Part II

My Masterlist! ~ AO3 Link!

Credit to @spookyghostjelly for beta reading, ily bb 💗💗💗

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You sat with your feet propped up on the counter, one of the magazines you had yet to sell spread open on your lap. "Be fashion forward this fall." You read out loud to the empty store in a mocking tone as your eyes grazed over the pictures of chunky sweaters, jeans, and boring, brown leather boots. The bell over the door jingled as a customer entered the store, your eyes darted up, expecting one of your regulars. You were met with the sight of someone in a black sweatshirt with the hood pulled up over their head. 'Great,' you thought to yourself, 'just when I thought I was going to have an easy evening.' You watched the man carefully, waiting to see what exactly he was going to stick in his pockets. Now, you normally turn a blind eye to shoplifters up to a certain extent, everyone deserves to have something to eat. But, being an independently owned store you could only take so much of a loss on your inventory. To your surprise, the man didn't pick up a single item. He took his time looking over the contents of each shelf, his hands never leaving his sweatshirt pocket. "Can I help you find anything, sir?" His head turned slightly in your direction, but not enough for you to see his face.

"What time do you close?" You were caught off guard by his British accent, it was an uncommon occurrence to get outsiders in your small backwoods town.

"Eight o'clock." He nods his thanks and hurriedly exits your store, almost bumping into one of your regulars on the way out.

"Everything alright?" He asks as the strange visitor leaves your store.

"Do you know him?" You ask quietly, as if he would somehow be able to overhear you despite having rounded the corner of the building already.

"Yeah, he's one of those… those cultists that set up shop in the woods." He explains. You were a bit shocked at the realization. You had been seeing headlines in the local newspaper for months as curiosity rose around the small group of men that had built a few Cabins on the very edge of town. Reporters didn't dare venture into their camp for an interview, but that didn't stop them from snapping a few pictures from the safety of the treeline. Four cabins sat at each corner of a small clearing, a large fire pit dominated the center. From what you could make out they seemed to have some sort of root cellar and a lackluster garden, which would explain why you hadn't seen any of them in person until this afternoon. "You be careful, (Y/N). Freaks like that might just try to sacrifice you to some goat demon they worship." He warns. You can't help but roll your eyes at the outlandish statement.

"Mark, those boys haven't done a single thing to bother anyone since they got here. They've been out there for months, if they were going to take someone they would've done it by now." You argue.

He chuckles, "Trust me darlin', I hope you're right. But until then me and a lot of other folks around here plan on keeping a close eye on them. You'd do best to stay away from them."

"You think I can't take care of myself?" You challenge, raising an eyebrow at him.

"Now, Miss (Y/N), you and I both know you'd beat my ass to next Sunday if that's what I was implying." The two of you shared a laugh. "I just don't want something bad to happen, that's all. These strange men show up out of nowhere one day and no one knows where they came from, hell none of us have ever seen their faces. They all wear these black masks, least that's what the reports are saying. You can never be too cautious."

"I'll take my chances." You smile politely in an attempt to get him off his soap box. "Now, I take it you're here for your pack of Marlboros."

"Yes ma'am, and an extra one for Donnie if you don't mind." He responds with a nod as he fumbles for his wallet in his back pocket.

"You got it boss." The rest of your evening was spent rather uneventfully, save for the fact that you would practically jump out of your chair every time the door opened. You glanced up at the clock, there was about twenty minutes left until you closed. "Maybe he decided to not come back." You shrug. Moments later an old, beat up pick up truck rumbled into the parking lot. You watched as the driver got out, his head dipped low to hide his face in the hood of his black sweatshirt. He pushes through the door, the jingle of the bell the only sound to cut through the tense silence. "Welcome back." You tried to sound friendly despite your unease. He nods at you in response, not saying a single word as he makes his way quickly and directly to everything he needs. He approaches the counter, unloading his arm load of supplies before taking a step back. "You got a name to go with those big, broad shoulders of yours?" You ask in a bit of a teasing tone, trying to do what you could to lighten the mood. He remained silent, despite the fact you couldn't see his face you couldn't escape the feeling of his piercing gaze. You opened a bag, carefully organizing his contents inside. "$18.75, sir." He slaps a twenty dollar bill on the counter, not even waiting for his change as he grabs his bag and flits out the door. You watched as he drove off, not sure exactly what you were supposed to make of that interaction. You had a similar occurrence every day for almost a week. He would come in, grab an armful of groceries, put down his money, and he left. You would try and greet him whenever he would come in your store, it was always met with a curt nod.

"Vessel." You froze as he finally spoke up. You looked up, your eyes met with 6 slits on an odd looking mask. "You can call me Vessel." You couldn't think of how to respond at first. He had barely acknowledged your existence before tonight, what had changed?

"Vessel… (Y/N)." You stick out your hand to shake his. "It's nice to finally meet you." You smile as his hands clap into yours.

"You're different from the other people we've run into from town." He remarks.

"The reporters?"

"Some of them, a few others we just happened to cross paths with." You could feel him studying you. "You don't seem scared."

"Vessel, you've been coming in here for over a week now. If you were going to try and hurt me you would've done it by now." You notice the corner of his mouth quirk up in a smile.

"I guess you have a point." He chuckles. You finish scanning his items and give him his total. He places the money down on the counter and picks up his bag.

"How come you never take your change?" You ask as he's almost out the door.

"I know you run this place by yourself, think of it as me tipping a small business." He flashes a brief, brilliant smile at you. You try to hide your shy smile by fixing up your register. "Oh, and (Y/N)?" You glance back up at him. "It's nice to finally meet you too."

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Tag List: @herripinkle @mustluvecho @jumpcauseimfroggy (If you would like to be tagged for Sleep Token stuff let me know!)

[leveloneandup]

Christen Press is a changed person as she nears return from injury: ‘I enjoy my life more’

Christen Press hasn’t gone two years without a soccer game since she learned to walk. So when she was laid up by a torn anterior cruciate ligament that took four surgeries and nearly 25 months to repair, she decided to make use of the free time she never thought she’d have.

As a result, the player who returned to training with Angel City this month is not the same one who was carried off the field eight games into the team’s first season.

“I definitely feel like this is the best version of me that I’ve ever known. And I hope it continues to evolve,” Press said Saturday in an interview that was heavy on smiles and optimism.

“I don’t know if I would say I’m a better person. I am a more grounded person. I’m more peaceful. I’m more at ease with myself. I’m more self-aware. I enjoy my life more, absolutely.”

It would be hard for her to be a better player than she was two years ago. A two-time World Cup champion and Hermann Trophy winner whose 64 international goals rank ninth in U.S. women’s national team history, Press was arguably in the best form of her life when she sustained the first major injury of her career.

At first she expected to be back in time for last summer’s World Cup. Then she thought maybe she could play in this summer’s Olympic Games. But the injury proved to be stubborn, and doctors had to go back in three more times for additional repairs.

She’s now 35, and it’s uncertain how her reconstructed knee — and the rest of her body — will hold up when she returns to the field. That question probably will be answered during one of Angel City’s three Summer Cup games, which will be played during NWSL’s seven-week Olympic break.

Given what she has gone through already, Press is confident she can handle whatever comes next.

“Every single day when I go out to the field I asked my knee, ‘Are you ready?’ It’s out of my control in a lot of ways,” she said. “It’s not, ‘Oh, you’re back and everything’s easy.’ My career will never look like it did.

“I want to make it back. I want to see if I can be good.”

Angel City could certainly use the help. The team went into the Olympic break having won only one of its last nine games, falling to 11th place in the 14-team NWSL with 10 games to play.

Press is likely to be ready for significant playing time when the season resumes in late August, but she might not be the only addition to the roster. With the transfer window opening soon, Angel City is nearing deals on two significant summer signings, said one person close to the team who is not authorized to speak publicly on personnel matters.

Despite the injury, Press was never really inactive. Physical therapy after each operation ate up much of her time, and she said she still does four to six hours of daily exercises just to keep the swelling down.

“Honestly, it’s a full-time job for her,” said Sarah Smith, Angel City’s director of medical and performance.

Still, she used the opportunity to work on other things as well. Press said she started therapy — the mental kind, not the physical kind — last September.

“I was like, ‘Well I have all this additional time that I can’t be on the pitch. What can I do with it?’ ” she said. “And I had a lot to work through, like my childhood, but also a changing life.

“Being healthy and strong has been my whole career, right? But it hurt to go up and down the stairs. It was a very big shift in identity.”

She has also devoted more time to the eclectic business empire she and her partner and former teammate Tobin Heath are managing, one that includes RE—INC, a gender-neutral community-driven fashion brand, and the RE—CAP Show, the couple’s entertaining award-winning podcast on women’s soccer.

That has given the whip-smart Stanford graduate a jump-start on the next phase of her life, though she’s not sure when that phase will begin in earnest. Her Angel City contract expires at the end of the season, but Press said that if her knee holds up, she’s not putting any limits on how much longer she might play.

“There’s part of soccer that has been really hard that I don’t miss. And then there’s simultaneously a deep longing and a sadness for not being in the game,” she said. “My body’s craving competition. It’s like a dichotomy.”

If the last two years have produced nothing on the soccer field and have been mostly painful off it, mentally and physically, they’ve been invaluable in many other ways. She’s grown. She’s become stronger, smarter, healthier and wiser. And she promises that’s going to be good for everyone — but especially for her.

“There’s pain and there’s also an opportunity,” Press said. “I have this ideology that things don’t happen to you, they happen for you. So I always ask myself, ‘What’s the gift of this?’

“It’s a happy story. It’s life, you know. It’s happy and it’s sad. [Am I] a better person?’ No, I’m different.”

[misfithive]

What I think Simon likes about Wille

I have seen some discussions about “why Simon even like Wille” (😔☹️💔) both here and elsewhere. I'm bored sooooo here is my list of what I think! I admit when I first watched I used to wonder sometimes why Simon liked him, mostly bc the back and forth hot and cold of season 1 could understandably be exhausting however once i thought about it I came up with many things. (some are hc ish ) :) I also think that if you love wilmon's relationship then you can see what they see in eachother. Two people (Wilmon) created that dynamic together both of them are loving/open/gentle with each other it is deeper than " i like that he sings and he is pretty"- they like how the other person makes them feel which is different I think than what is usually portrayed in teen relationships. People focus too much on their fights/angst sometimes and not their nice moments I think the good outweighs the bad. Also why i believe in endgame bc they have something deep and special.

1. I think Simon thinks Wille is adorable in a dorky way or finds him endearing. When Wille dropped the utensil after their first real convo Simon was blushing and giggling

2. Wille actively seeks him out a lot and tries to help Simon when he can/ When someone is giving you that kind of attention it is flattering and shows how kind Wille is (the tip about tutoring, the rowing tips, the song on the piano). Thats a quality someone would find attractive

3. Similarly when they are together Wille’s attention and energy is solely focused on him / Wille smiling at him adoringly all the time. I think that would make anyone feel special and especially if you are like Simon and spend a lot of energy caring for/thinking about other people

4. Wille is generally very gentle with Simon which is beautiful and also imagine someone being that gentle with u and holding u like that im sure u would fall in love too lmfao even tho simon is asleep I think he felt it and this isnt the only example I just like the picture hehe

5. Wille wears his heart on his sleeve. Simon is more guarded with his feelings i think he could drawn to how open/expressive/ softhearted Wille is with him. “I didn't want to lose you” “you are beautiful” etc

6. Wille makes him sandwiches asks him how he is doing a lot etc sorry but no boys were making me sandwiches as a teenager a lot of small things like this are still a big deal

7. Wille is a prince and he could be a total arrogant a** hole like everyone else at that school and no one would think twice but he is not. It takes a certain type of person to actively not be like that when u are born into that level of privilege and everyone will let you get away with whatever. I think Simon likes that Wille is different than than the other people at school who ignore him and treat him bad.

8. Simon feels safe around Wille (maybe with the exception of the music room scene) but they have a safe space together its a strong contrast to the dynamic with marcus and i think everything with marcus serves to highlight how special the dynamic is with Wille.

9. Wille gives good hugs

10. Wille is nice to Linda and tries to make her feel included Simon thought that was cute (it was very cute)

11. They can laugh together and see how silly (ridiculous) august/some of the antics of the other boys are

12. I could go on okay but love is not always rational and cant be contained in a list, they are soulmates and thats that!!!!!!!!!

//Adding that i think Omar said in an interview that despite what Simon says in the locker room he thinks Simon likes that Wille accepts him for who he is. But if anyone can find the clip pls share I dont wanna misquote him! //

[m1ssunderstanding]

Understanding Lennon McCartney Rewatch Part 3.2

The thing is Paul just physically can't say what he feels. It's just an impossibility for him. So if he says reading a negative article about himself “doesn't help” or “it's not good” but it “doesn't get home” I just assume he means ‘It hurts, but I can't think about that too hard or I'll go into a self-hate suicidal spiral again’. 

I always love how Paul says Linda. “Linder is er, nature mad.” 

She!!

Hearing Paul talk about watching Mary be born makes me wonder if John was there with Sean? Also I wonder if Linda would talk about the experience so glowingly. Probably. She's tough as nails. I had a lovely experience, personally, after the epidural lol

“Dear friend . . . I'm in love with a friend of mine.” This is such a strange and beautiful song. It's a man who has to apologize to his friend for falling in love with someone else. At least, that's my interpretation. What's everyone else's?

I understand why he's so closed off. I do. But when John is going off every five seconds, we're missing half the picture here and it's turning out warped. They really are such a good study of attachment honestly.

“Nothing will ever break the love we have for each other.” White-knuckling my way through this section with this quote clenched in my fist.

Yoko, talking about John fighting with Paul: any couple will go from swearing to kissing and it's like that. What favors are you doing yourself here, babe? Maybe John's the PR mastermind between the two of them.

I find John's comparison of working with his romantic partner to being ambidextrous very confusing. Does he mean just doing two things at once?

“If I can't have a fight with my best friend, I don't know who I can have a fight with.” -- Intro slutty gender-fluid Wings Paul my beloved -- “Tell me why, why, why do you treat me so bad? So bad? When you're the best friend a man ever had?” I heard on some podcast somewhere. Someone was going on about how forward-thinking the Beatles were to refer to the women in their songs as “friends”. And I was like, nununununu do not give them that credit.

This is just soooo. In this era? 90 minutes in the middle of a recording session?

John: Sorry, my estranged fiance is calling, gotta take a break. Guitarist: again? Drummer: how estranged can they be if they call every three minutes? Yoko: should we just record the other parts or . . . John: (receiver cradled to his cheek, lovesick grin on his face) Hey, how was Heather's school program? Haha, yeah, I bet she was.

Okay, so you've made up with Paul and now you're done being homophobic? *Cardi b voice* well that's suspicious. 

The fact that John's asking Paul to play on stage with him in 1972?? Ugh! If it was just about legalities and money and shit I would be genuinely so pissed at Paul for not going. If only because Come Together sounds incredibly lame without his bass and piano. But also for the obvious fix-it reasons. I have to remind myself of how truly awful Klein was. By being the only one to stand firm against him, Paul actually ended up saving them all from a lot of trouble. But gosh would this have been good!

Things normal people say, for sure, for sure.

Okay in my head it went like this. John calls George and bitches about what an egomaniac Paul is because he won't do anything with him as long as Klein is involved. George gets off the phone and calls Ringo and they make a bet as to how long it is until John decides they should get rid of Klein. 

“Where's your audience, Paul?” “In the theater, Dave.” As he should. The cuntiness is unparalleled. Yeah, maybe people like to see a family friendly eclectic magic pixie sexy hard rock floor show? Ever thought about that, Dave?

Anyway, he seems genuinely pissed when the interviewer even mentions the other Beatles and he refuses to even admit he still talks to any of them. Why? 

John's just so benevolent and selfless. He's completely straight, of course, but he's always offering to do gay shit. You know. To be nice. 

I forget that not only was May their literal employee, but she was ten years younger on top of that. And yet, she managed to do so much good in that relationship. I have so much respect for her. 

There's obviously a lot going on behind the scenes that they don't say in interviews. Duh. But I wonder what it is that caused Paul to be so open and happy in this interview where he's asked about the other Beatles compared to before. I wonder if he and John had a really lovely talk, or if he's heard a demo of “I know, I know.” Or maybe it's just he's so reassured that they've got rid of Klein that he feels safe acting open to a reunion on record. Who knows, Yoko. 

So so smart to pair “In My Life” handwritten lyrics with the matching lyrics of “I know I know” playing at the same time. I forget about that connection (“I love you more”) because it's so overshadowed by the “than yesterday” right after. I seriously wonder if John thought he was being so obvious with this one the way he was with HDYS and half hoped people would ask him if it was about Paul and he could make up for the whole thing. Because it's just so heavy-handed. It's beautiful. I love it. I'm sure Paul loved it. But yeah. John's just beating us over the head with the references here. 

I also wonder (very tentatively!!!) if Paul was maybe a bit more emotionally vulnerable with John than we usually think. I would never think this except for the “you know I nearly broke down and cried” “I'm sorry that I made you cry” and “no more crying!” I don't know. What do we think? 

His little baby smirk. It's so silly and cute. He's being very positive about getting back together, and the interviewer asks if John would initiate that. Just a very coy, “a, well, I couldn't say.” I wonder if at that point if he'd said on live tv that he wanted to get together again if it would've happened. Seems like it might have, but I understand him being scared. 

Elton John taking pictures like a fan and John: I wanna impound all those photos till I get me green card. What a random idea for a commercial. I love it, obviously, it's hilarious. I wonder who thought of it. 

This doc is so good at implication. The smirk as “loving in the palm of my hand” plays. That's not a reference to hand jobs, is it? Certainly not talking to someone with beautiful hands?

Everyone go look up Nineteen Hundred Eighty Five on YouTube. The singing sex is something else, yeah, but I'm always so blown away by the piano part. The fact that he's self taught and doesn't read music and this man will go on to compose symphonies. 

[kxlitz]

★ Dating 2023!Bill Kaulitz ★ (Fluff overload)

AN: Oh boy, I never thought I’d actually post some of my hcs, let’s see how this goes. I’m typing this half-asleep on my phone so I apologize for any grammatical or technical mistake, please let me know if anything!!

Let’s start with setting something straight, Bill does not fall for someone easily nor does he like to sleep around, as he’s said himself. If he’s actually decided on dating you it is a synonym for “I can see an entire future with you and I have probably thought of marriage plans”

No matter how you guys met; whether it was through mutual friends, by chance or were childhood friends, it would take you weeks, months or even years of forming a strong bond before even considering the first date.

Bill has said many times that he believes in love at first sight and probably still does, but fame and people have definitely left him with some major trust issues.

Won’t give you a house key or ask you to move in till he’s completely certain that you’re fully trust-worhy, but he loves having you over with him.

Now that you guys are together, he is the sweetest person on earth, will worship you like you’re a divine creature that landed on earth. He would worship the ground you walk on if he could.

Never-ending honeymoon stage kind of relationship not going to lie-

Will take you out to theme parks, rent out movie theatres, take you on hikes and long walks on a deserted beach.

Don’t be surprised if you ever wake up to a screaming Bill, all hyped because he decided that you’re spending your weekend at Disney.

He is so cheesy but it’s so sweet to see. He’s at a point in his life that he just wants to love and be loved. Kisses on the cheek, opening doors for you, pushing your chair at restaurants. He’s a gentleman.

Till it applies to his fashion. You ARE doomed to help him out of his outfit when he decides to be a bit more daring. Just like he does with Georg and Tom he will do it with you. “y/n you know the drill. When my assistant is not around you’re my assistant now help me out of these shoes”

Speaking of shoes, he is almost 2 meters (and sometimes more) when he wears his platforms and he absolutely loves towering over you. Bill loves to see you reach for a kiss. He will also walk behind you and ruffle your hair to annoy you.

This man is so whipped. He can gush about you for hours on end in interviews, his socials or his podcast.

He would also expose you a lot on Kaulitz Hills because that’s what he does.

He loves physical touch. When you’re walking in downtown LA he will always have an arm wrapped around your shoulders or waist, holding your hand or linking your pinkies.

He has the sneakiest of hands, it’s even worse than Tom. Bill always finds a way to have hand under your shirt or skirt if you happen to wear them. He can’t help it, he loves to feel your skin on his hands.

Back Hugs !!!

You will become his muse. He loves to dress you up however he pleases, you just look so good in everything! Bill will spend so much cash on designer sets to match with you. Only the best for his beloved.

He mostly calls you by your name in public but behind closed doors he would address you by the sweetest names like “My love, Darling/liebling, Pumpkin”

You guys are always out to eat

And at coffee shops

You’re each other’s personal photographers. Plus he absolutely adores to show you off on his instagram

I can see him as the type to start a vlogging channel just to show off how in love and happy he is with you.

Prepare yourself mentally to be woken up early to walk the dogs and drink sour green juice. Bill used to be a tremendous sleeper when he was young but those days are way behind.

When you wake up together, it is the best. He tends to wake up first and will stay in bed just admiring how beautiful you are. Tracing your features with his fingers. He wants to memorize every inch of your skin.

If you take too long though, he will get up and go prepare breakfast. Yes it includes celery juice.

You guys are always hanging with Tom & Heidi! You get into the craziest adventures

Heidi would love you so much, so would her kids. You and Bill are the cool relatives.

[sunkissedchld]

𝐏𝐈𝐂𝐊 𝐀 𝐂𝐀𝐑𝐃

𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒂𝒔 𝒂 𝒎𝒖𝒔𝒊𝒄𝒂𝒍 𝒄𝒆𝒍𝒆𝒃𝒓𝒊𝒕𝒚

the piles go from left to right. therefore, pile one is the new jeans CD, pile two is NCT, and so on and so forth.

take your time to use your intuition to choose the pile that will best resonate with you. lastly, please don’t be afraid to say if the message resonated or not. it helps me in determining if my interpretations are correct or not, and i appreciate any sort of feedback - even if it’s “bad”.

good luck to you, reader 💿

𝐃𝚰𝐒𝐂𝐋𝐀𝚰𝐌𝐄𝐑𝐒:

this PAC includes mentions of specific celebrities! this is in an attempt to describe the energy of each pile.

in one pile's moodboard example, i use a tweet from stan twitter to visualize how one's fandom might be. i don't necessarily agree with the example tweet, but it was a good example of the pile's energy, so i used it. it doesn't imply or show my true feelings about that fandom or artist.

additionally, sections of this PAC make reference to adult topics such as sex, drugs, alcohol, addiction, and more. please use your discretion when reading your or each pile.

𝐏𝐈𝐋𝐄 𝐈

Cards:

Queen of Swords, The Fool, Four of Wands, Two of Coins

King of Wands (Rx), Ten of Cups, Eight of Cups (Rx), The Devil, Four of Coins, Nine of Coins

Page of Coins, The Emperor

Knight of Swords (Rx), Ten of Swords, King of Swords, Page of Cups

The Star

Reading:

those who chose this pile would be soloists. 

the music you make would be hard-hitting and active! tons of choreography would be involved, and you'd make people want to learn your dances even if they weren't professional dancers! a significant amount of your songs might even go viral on platforms like tiktok. your music would be a fresh breath into the music industry; you would probably write your own songs and not be afraid to venture into a variety of music genres. you might do surprise releases (like beyoncé did with her self-titled album)! you'd gain tons of success with your works, so much so that you'd end up throwing celebration parties often due to it! you might find it hard to keep up with so much work (you're probably booked and busy with interviews, concerts, promotions, etc.), but you also love the lifestyle, and that energy shows through the music you make. 

in your musical career, you may come off as some sort of diva who knows how to talk their way to success. you come off as someone who has a great personal and professional life. you would have the type of career and life others' dream of having. you may stay in a healthy relationship. again, most of your songs would be upbeat and about happiness - which may be a breath of fresh air in relation to more emotional, heavy music. as you continue throughout your career, you may lean towards that emotional music because of depression or life struggles. you may be worried about the future of your career after your "prime". this might be after a period of time of years of hard work and seemingly little rest; you might fall into addictions to materialism, drugs, or alcohol. you will be protected though! people will be looking out for you and steer you back onto the right path which will keep you from going downhill. 

your fans would look up to you a lot. it's giving "these are my kids" energy. you may pay off their student loans or even party with some of them on a night out if you see them. you might appeal to a younger crowd - teens, college, and early adults. your fans see you as fair and as a pillar of authority. they look to you to determine how to move and act as a fandom. you act as the compass for order in their eyes. whatever you say to do, they will do. want to win a specific award? your fans will make sure they buy enough albums and vote enough for you to win it. want to collab with a specific artist? your fans will flood that person's timeline to make sure you two interact. it's almost like they fulfill your wishes! it reminds me of the saying ARMYs have about "anything yoongi wants, yoongi gets". 

the general public may have some conflict with you. some people may be prejudiced towards you (maybe because of race, gender, sexuality). some of the public will be hasty to judge you and bash you. this feeling will change fairly quickly. the public will realize they were wrong to judge you and feel horrible about what they did. some people may pray for your downfall and instead bring their own because it's like negativity towards you is reflected back on those who want to harm you; this goes back to you being heavily protected. in the end, the general public will see you as trustworthy and fair. some will think you're very innovative and great at executing your creative ideas. you could become a county's favorite artist. kind of like how Girls Generation is seen as the "Nation's Girl Group'' in South Korea - that would be your title as a soloist. the general public would end up doting over you and loving you. 

Playlist:

𝐏𝐈𝐋𝐄 𝐈𝐈

Cards:

Knight of Swords, The Devil, Four of Wands (Rx), The Hermit

Four of Coins, Five of Cups, King of Wands

The Moon (Rx), The Sun 

Page of Coins, The Emperor (Rx)

Ace of Coins

Reading:

those who chose this pile would be in a musical group. 

you'd probably be the main rapper in this group. your group's music would be fast-paced and energetic. tons of choreography and you all would do major concept changes often. you all would also travel often or experiment with different cultural music. your sound would be bold - you might talk about taboo topics (ie. addiction, sex, violence, obsessions, death). your music might get spoiled before release. there may also be some times when the album is expected to debut on a certain day, and it isn't released until later - maybe because of music clearances or lack of preparation. your music would force people to confront difficult life topics instead of ignoring them. you all would also help people with mental health issues because they relate to the music so well. 

your group would achieve a ton, but i still think your company would be a little tight on finances. your company may be cutting it close to making payments on time, but you and the other members would be financially stable. the company would stay afloat, but it's like they struggle with money management maybe? you also would have a strong fanbase and a strong personal group sound (even while exploring so many genres). i feel like your company's struggles would impact the group and bring down morale. you all would have good successes but it's like your company takes you one step forward and three steps back. regardless, you all pushing through would just create more inspiration for music which in turn makes your fans appreciate and relate to you all more. 

i feel like fans would feel very protective and proud of you. the mismanagement of funds happening within the company would be revealed to the fans and public, but your fandom still has fierce loyalty to you all. they outwardly call out the mismanagement and want better for you all. you might have a lot of sasaengs because of fans' fierce loyalty to you. specific to you, fans may feel like you're very masculine or heavily into you masculine energy. you may be seen as the "sunshine" of the group. people look to you for happiness; there may be tons of compilations of your funny moments. you're like a light to a room to your fans and others. 

the general public learns a lot from you all. that sounds nice, but i think they mostly learn how not to run a company. you all definitely start important societal conversations on taboo topics like explained before, but that really gets overshadowed by company misadventures. people may see your company as young and maybe ignorant of how to be run? they'll feel like your company is abusing their power. you all may not get tons of promotion, so you may only be known to the public for your company's failures.

Playlist:

𝐏𝐈𝐋𝐄 𝐈𝐈𝐈

𝐓𝐑𝐈𝐆𝐆𝐄𝐑 𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆: 𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐬𝐥𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐝𝐞𝐬𝐜𝐫𝐢𝐩𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐛𝐮𝐥𝐥𝐲𝐢𝐧𝐠

Cards:

Six of Swords, Nine of Wands (Rx), Three of Coins (Rx), Page of Swords

Knight of Wands (Rx), King of Cups, Page of Cups (Rx), Three of Cups, Nine of Coins (Rx)

Five of Swords (Rx), Five of Coins, Five of Cups (Rx), Knight of Swords (Rx)

The Hierophant, Three of Wands (Rx), Six of Cups (Rx)

The Wheel of Fortune

Reading:

those who chose this pile would be in a musical group. 

you'd probably be a vocalist. your music would have a theme all throughout your discography. it would be very consistent, and the albums would play beautifully altogether. each song would fade into the other and almost seem like a movie with just music. people may think you steal songs or there might be plagiarism controversies. someone from the group might be ousted, and that may be talked about in the music or hang over the group for a long time. this might be connected to the music you make in that your group isn't afraid to talk about being left behind and having to forge your own journey. someone in the group may be lazy. 

i think your group might break up, and you become a soloist? then, you'd be left to prove your worth in the music industry. you would come out on top, and let people know that you have a message that you're getting out regardless of the struggles you have to go through in order for it to be heard. i think ultimately you'll be left to work behind the scenes in the music industry - maybe as a songwriter or producer. it'll be the situation of people wanting to hear your words and you wanting to get them out, but it only materializes when it's told through someone else if that makes sense. 

your group career would be very messy. again, some members would be lazy; others would have bad attitudes and either be jealous and even violent. there's tons of in-fighting between members, and it's a major mess for everyone involved. you personally will not be like that though! you'd be the member others feel like they can trust and confide in. you're insightful and might even protect your members who are being bullied or on the receiving end of jealousy. similarly to pile two, your group's album would experience delays - due to plagiarism, samples not being cleared, lazy members, etc. 

your group produces music that's similar to what you all would be experiencing - troubled and emotional youth, manipulation, moodiness, immaturity, and unrequited love. despite all the in-group issues, you all would experience success for a time! ultimately, it will go away due to company mismanagement and all the group issues coming to light. 

fans might not like you because of what messy group members say about you. they'll say you're attention seeking and manipulative even though it's other members doing those exact things and NOT you. you might feel isolated because of the hate you receive. you may think no one likes you, and you might stare off during interviews because you're being ignored. you'd feel really lonely. as you keep going, you will gain strength and feel confident enough in the fact that you know you're a good person despite others believing the opposite. you'll know your truth is more grounding that others' lies. i think this is what will ultimately lead to you preferring to be behind the scenes rather than in the light of the music industry. 

i don't think the general public will hate you as much as fans seem to. the general public would be way more understanding of circumstances and would be willing to hear your side of the story rather than blindly believing you members. you'd have a major impact on the collective, and you might even become an expert in whatever you do behind the scenes. i think people will see that you were used by the machine called the music industry and would feel for you. i also think the public would pick up on the fact that you eventually feel unsure about your musical abilities. they'll see you as disorganized because of how the industry left you. your past would be at the forefront of the general public's mind, so it would be best for you to work behind the scenes, so the music can speak for itself rather than you speaking for the music.

Playlist:

𝐏𝐈𝐋𝐄 𝐈𝐕

𝐓𝐑𝐈𝐆𝐆𝐄𝐑 𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆: 𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐬𝐞𝐱𝐢𝐬𝐦

Cards:

Five of Swords (Rx), Queen of Coins (Rx), Six of Wands, Strength

Queen of Wands, Knight of Wands (Rx), The Magician, The Hanged Man (Rx)

Page of Swords, King of Swords, Three of Wands

The Star (Rx), Seven of Cups

Four of Cups

Reading:

those who chose this pile would be in a musical group. 

you'd probably be a main dancer and a vocalist (but not a main vocal). your group's music would be shocking. it would deal with topics like manipulation, gossip, paranoia, and the theme might revolve around uncovering secrets and overcoming those who want to harm you. almost like a horror concept! i'm slightly reminded of xdinary heroes or even rage against the machine. your music would seek to uncover immorality in the world and put it in the face of society instead of trying to hide it like we've been taught to. super unique concept! your listeners get the feeling that they can uncover and fight through anything after listening to your music. the music is very strong (maybe even in the rock genre for some of you), and there's a confidence in the music (including sexual confidence). 

there's strong sexual themes in your music. femme fatale and dominatrix vibes are present. this group would be filled with strong female figures who are confident in who they are. in some instances, you all want to be seen as arrogant in order to provide a view of women that's not often seen in the music scene - at least not in a way where women are in control of their own power. this group would play off of gender stereotypes and archetypes in order to make a point to society. again, super creative concepts, and it might even include the occult! like divination tools might be seen in the background of some of your music videos. the point is to show young women that they can be powerful and also know when to hold back in order to show all sides of that power. 

your fans might be on the younger side - teens and young adults. they will like giving you handmade messages and gifts. it's almost giving you being the older sibling, and your fans are the younger sibling who looks up to you. they learn a lot about themselves from you, and see you as this intellectual that has great creative ideas. they also see you as just and fair and might come to you for advice. they may see their future selves in you and look up to you because of that. both of you have tons of love for one another (it's so cute!). 

the general public may not really like you. you may disappoint them because there's this societal view they have of how gender roles should be enforced or how your group should behave, and you all totally go against that. it's like they're thinking "that group would help themselves out if they just followed with the standards. they make it hard on themselves". they see you all as immoral and a bad influence on the younger society. they also see you all as delusional. 

reader's note: do not think of the general public's view as a bad thing! personally, it's important to remember that change only comes when society is forced to confront irrational and prejudicial thinking. if anything, the general public viewing you as this is a compliment in my opinion. 

Playlist:

𝐏𝐈𝐋𝐄 𝐕

Cards:

The Lovers, Eight of Swords, The Emperor, Queen of Coins, The Star

The High Priestess, Ten of Cups, Knight of Swords

Five of Cups, Six of Wands, The Hermit

The Chariot 

Reading:

those who chose this pile would be in a musical group. 

you'd be the face of the group/the center - maybe a visual position? your group focuses on love songs and relationships. you all would talk about all the ups and downs of creating, maintaining, and losing relationships. i feel like on the outside, the concepts of each title track might be visually very different, but the major theme of relationships would always be present. for example, there would be a very rosy and cheery song about how in love you all are in a romantic relationship (like a Twice title track), and then your next comeback would be more solemn and serious about how you lost a loved family member or something like that (like what's mentioned in DaBaby's "Gucci Peacoat"). you all would have long lasting careers and be seen as good senior musicians. you all would probably be very personally involved in the music making process. your music would be very comforting and relatable for whoever listens to it. i think you'd give many people hope when it comes to handling relationships. 

i feel like the group's music heavily focuses on emotional connections - so much so that spiritual and occult elements might be present in the process or music videos and things of that nature. your group might be seen as mysterious outside of the music you all make. it's like you all are only focused on the music aspect in the public eye and don't really reveal a ton about your deep personal lives (like siblings or TMIs or things like that). you all really want to emphasize the music! you and your group members would be very close in personal and professional life! you all may feel more like family members rather than friends which will translate into the music. it's like you all will recognize that you'd achieved your dreams all together and you would cherish one another greatly for that. you all may be internationally famous or gather fame quickly - maybe as soon as you debut! it also may be super easy for you all to make and release music. 

i get very despondent energy from your fans for some reason? they may frequently feel disappointed with you all - maybe because of how different title tracks and aesthetics can change for you all? it could also be that they're the type of fans that are always focused on how much bigger you all could be, so they never stop to appreciate how far you all have come and therefore they seem ungrateful. they will eventually get over this though! so maybe in the beginning they feel disappointed about how little known and unappreciated you all are, but when you blow up they feel very proud of your successes and feel like all of yours and their effort has paid off. your fans will look to you for guidance and support when it comes to mental health issues and gain personal strength from you. they may like how withdrawn you and your group can be when it comes to disclosing personal information. 

i didn't get any cards when shuffling to ask how the general public would view you. i only got the bottom of the deck energy which was The Chariot. i feel like this means your success will be so widespread it's hard to contain how the public views you to a couple tarot cards that may give a more in-depth explanation. they'll see you and your group as having great drive and ambition that leads you all to great success despite a long, uphill battle that comes with pursuing a musical career. i feel like they'd be especially impressed because you all come from a small company? it's like you all started from the absolute bottom to become major stars, and the public finds that admirable.

Playlist:

𝐏𝐈𝐋𝐄 𝐕𝐈

𝐓𝐑𝐈𝐆𝐆𝐄𝐑 𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆: 𝐝𝐞𝐬𝐜𝐫𝐢𝐩𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐦𝐢𝐬𝐨𝐠𝐲𝐧𝐲

Cards:

Nine of Cups, The Emperor, Four of Cups, Five of Wands, Six of Wands, The Empress

The Sun, The Fool, Five of Coins (Rx), Three of Wands, Knight of Coins, Four of Swords, Knight of Cups

Three of Cups (Rx), Strength, Page of Coins

The High Priestess (Rx), Five of Swords, The Star, Six of Swords

Ace of Coins

Reading:

those who chose this pile would be a soloist. 

off bat, you'd be super successful! i get the feeling you'd always be happy, and that might translate into your music. you may encourage listeners to be happy and invite abundance and gratefulness into their own lives the way you welcomed it into yours. i think you'd be very hands-on with your music, and you'd take the reins in everything you do - i'm almost reminded of beyoncé and how people view her as a perfectionist about her work. despite your perfectionist tendencies, you'd definitely be open to others' ideas, and you'd be nice to work with. people wouldn't have a bad word to say about you in that aspect. you'd be super hypnotic as a celebrity, so people would totally be drawn to you. i think you'd be open about all the "goods" and "bads" of fame. you'd talk about how financial abundance and overflowing love from people is very enticing, but isn't all it's cracked up to be. you'd be open about your struggles, and people would find that refreshing and admire you for your honesty. i think your spirit guides would be guiding you to and throughout fame because you were destined for it. you'd be spiritually protected. 

you'd exude energy and success in your music. you might even make perfect manifestation music! your music would be very original, and i believe you'd write music directly from your heart. you wouldn't worry about being "too vulnerable" because you want to be because it's like that's the essence of music for you. you take setbacks from your life and still find hope in them in order to take good from the indecipherable bad. i think that's what would make your music most unique. you'd treat music as your past, present, and future and because of how close you hold it to your heart, it becomes obvious in your music. the point of your music is to show personal growth, and people would connect with that immediately. i also think relationships and romance would be important in your music since your emotions would always be in your songwriting. your breakups, makeups, and new connections would always be written and released to the public - i'm reminded of Taylor Swift and Ariana Grande. 

fans (or maybe more so the general public?) may see you like the two artists i just mentioned are viewed - promiscuous, always in a relationship, and maybe even excessive and overindulgent in life and financial endeavors. others will say that you're confident in yourself and your sexuality and find that empowering. they see you as someone who is secure in themself and doesn't need public approval to do whatever you want. there's a subtle, grand confidence in you that people see. your fans may want to be like you and be students of you, writing your every word down. you might be popular with teens and young adults. 

the general public will see you as someone who is secretive and doing shady things behind the scenes. they'll feel like your energy and personality is too good to be true. they'll say you're immoral and maybe even involved with the illuminati or something like that. some might even say you're misusing spirituality or witchcraft to get your fame. people would want to speak negatively on you and cause you distress; they might often engage in smear campaigns to lower your credibility. for others, you give them hope. overall, people's negative intentions will not matter because, as said before, you'd be heavily spiritually protected. you'll be able to brush off smear campaigns and negative, false publicity very easily. your foundation is too strong to be broken by bullies and those who are so miserable in their own lives they push it onto others.

Playlist:

𝐏𝐈𝐋𝐄 𝐕𝐈𝐈

𝐓𝐑𝐈𝐆𝐆𝐄𝐑 𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆: 𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐝𝐞𝐬𝐜𝐫𝐢𝐩𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐚𝐝𝐝𝐢𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧, 𝐬𝐞𝐱, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐝𝐞𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐨𝐧

Cards:

Knight of Swords, King of Coins, The High Priestess (Rx), Three of Cups (Rx)

Ten of Swords, Nine of Swords (Rx), Three of Wands, Knight of Coins

Queen of Cups, Ten of Cups (Rx), The Fool, Page of Cups

Five of Cups, Five of Wands, King of Wands (Rx)

Judgment

Reading:

those who chose this pile would be a soloist. 

you'd be very involved in the musical process. you'd likely write most (if not, all) of your music. anything you make is sure to be a hit. you're ambitious with your ideas, and you're quick to create and hop onto new trends. i get the feeling you wouldn't trust your musical abilities despite how they always seem to work out for you. maybe you need a ton of outside support to finally decide "okay, this is a good idea". you might even be older than expected when you become a musical artist. you might feel unfulfilled in life in general and especially in the music industry despite your successes. you might spend way more money than you have, or you might just flaunt your wealth excessively. you might rely on drugs, alcohol, or sexual adventures as an escape from your feelings of loneliness. it seems you'd be successful but unhappy. 

your music may include information about the traumas you have. whatever is causing you to turn to your addictions will be explicitly mentioned in the music you put out. a lot of your music may mention themes like grief, depression, and hardship. it's like your music allows for you to constantly relive your traumatic experiences and that makes it hard for you to heal or create different thematic content if that makes sense. i think once you gained success you thought you would be happy, but it only made it worse because you realized fame and money does not automatically bring happiness. ultimately, i think those around you will urge you to gain confidence and help you to know you're on the right path. you'd slowly but surely become more emotionally stable and start traveling more and feeling more happiness. 

your fans would see you as very in tune with your intuition and femininity or feminine energy. they'd see you as caring, sensitive, and emotional. i think that's because those are the elements you use to make your music. they also see you as wildly artistic and creative. they might feel like you come up with music and ideas that no one else would even think of. they'd see you as an innovator. i also think they'd see you as broken or coming from traumatic and undesirable circumstances. i think they'd recognize and feel your pain. they'd view your life in the music industry and your fame as a new beginning for you and would see it as a chance for you to be free from what's hurt you. they might like writing out their love for you through social media campaigns or through giving you handwritten letters. they'd see you as someone who is constantly growing and learning, and they'd feel happy seeing you happy. 

the general public may have wishy-washy feelings towards you. they might find out about your addictions and feel disappointed with you. some people will feel empathetic and recognize how your misfortunes affect you and may have the view of "oh, it's horrible that they went through that. i hope they no longer do that and start feeling better and happier". others will feel like you're selfish and didn't appreciate what you were given if you engaged in your addictions while you were successful. they might think "they gained all that money and fame, so why even go down the route of addiction? they were just wallowing in their sadness". very different points of view, so the general public would feel split on their feelings towards you overall.

Playlist:

𝐏𝐈𝐋𝐄 𝐕𝐈𝐈𝐈

𝐓𝐑𝐈𝐆𝐆𝐄𝐑 𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆: 𝐬𝐥𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐨𝐟 𝐝𝐢𝐬𝐨𝐫𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐝 𝐬𝐥𝐞𝐞𝐩𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐡𝐚𝐛𝐢𝐭𝐬; 𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠

Cards:

Ten of Coins, King of Wands, Five of Wands, Temperance, Four of Wands

Nine of Swords (Rx), The Emperor (Rx), Five of Swords, Three of Cups

The Devil (Rx), King of Coins, Six of Cups

Ten of Wands, The Hanged Man

Knight of Coins

Reading:

those who chose this pile would be a soloist. 

you might be discovered purely by "chance". maybe you posted a song cover on YouTube or became popular on TikTok, and a label decided to pick you up. your music may have to do with your personal life like your family, how you gained your fame, your life history, and things of that nature. your music would be very motivational and strong. you may be very specific about your aesthetic and visuals because you want to stand out among the artist-filled industry. you would be super competitive when it came to the music game. you might be a rapper? i feel like you'd focus a ton on things like word-play. you also might like making society and listeners think about life, society, and spirituality/their life purpose. i'm reminded of artists like Jhene Aiko and J. Cole. you'd benefit a lot from your fame. 

you may be a perfectionist about your craft. you might miss out on healthy sleeping and eating patterns while working on an album. you may love the idea of working yourself until you can't work anymore. you see the struggle of work as a labor of birthing these creative ideas and appreciate each time you can create something new. i know i mentioned earlier that a record label may have wanted to pick you up, but i think you might prefer to be an independent artist. you wouldn't want to be confined to company standards and expectations; you would want to focus on the music. people and companies may want you to fail because of this. they may intentionally block your music from being played on the radio or from being nominated for awards. despite this, you would still gain success from you giving to others and others finding your energy welcoming. a strong group (could be your fans or the collective) would ensure your success. 

your fans would see you as someone that breaks free from the societal mold. they'd see you as someone that knows how to think for themselves even if the group wants them to think differently. they also see you as someone that knows how to keep going and growing when shit hits the fan. you'd be seen as someone that doesn't allow for life circumstances to bring them down. they'd see you as a successful business person who has the perfect ear for music and eyes for aesthetics. they may also see you as someone that is very guided spiritually. they can tell someone is watching over you to be sure you succeed in the industry. 

the general public would see you as someone who made something from nothing. they may not view you as this huge, international superstar, but you would be somewhat known. some parts of the population would be able to recognize you from a photo or from the mention of your name. some of the public may feel like you're delusional in what you're trying to achieve (especially if you're an independent artist going against big companies). i think the general public would also be able to tell that you're spiritually guided and protected. parts of the public will like that you give a fresh perspective to them and the rest of society. you could begin an idea shift in the collective.

Playlist:

[delululand]

what would be txts love languages 🤭

all of them have mixed love languages ​​and we don't see many things so here is more about how they show love

soobin - physical touch and words of affirmation

idk it’s so obvious he constantly touches everyone around him, hugs them and this guy absolutely loves skinship. and yes, how we can forget than he don’t like sleep alone and often come to kai’s bed for hugging? and the fact that he let yeonjun spit in his hand when yeonjun tried some untaste food…. i don’t know why and i don’t know how comments this but it’s so hot…… as for the words of affirmation, i think this is more likely the way he would like to receive love. he mentioned that he loves fansigns because in daily life he rarely hears compliments and on the day of the fansign, fans praise him a lot, thanks to which he receives support and confidence. so this man would be delighted if someone said something nice to him more often

yeonjun - act of service and giving gifts

yeonjun seems to me to be the most caring of all the members and he often shows this through acts of service. making sure everyone has food, always being very thoughtful in helping them get up if someone falls (like the time kai laughed and fell off his chair) and making sure no one gets hurt, but also beomgyu and some other members mention that yeonjun bought and gave something just for them, like beomgyu’s sneakers (and how many times he later was indignant that beomgyu didn’t even wear them and how proud he was that beomgyu showed off his gift on filming) so I think that this is also one of his love languages

beomgyu - physical touch and quality time

okay we all see how gentle he treats taehyun, never stopping just touching him, stroking him, trying to grab his leg or arm and touching his hair so physical touch is definitely one of his main love languages. but he also mentioned several times that he and soobin often spend the night together talking until dawn, sharing their feelings and he really enjoys it, so quality time is very important to him

taehyun - act of service and physical touch

i often hear that taehyun is supposedly cold, but he just shows his love more discreetly, however, this doesn’t mean at all that he has no feelings. he is not the kind of person who will shout about love but will show it with action, for example, recently on one of a filmings he thought that beomgyu would be hungry and brought him food and many such little things show his real treatment. and the reason why there is physical touching is one of his childhood videos. maybe it’s strange but let me to explain. i'm talking about a video with his mom where he sits on her lap and this child is absolutely filled with love, he can’t sit calm and is constantly trying to attract the attention of the mom giving the interview by sticking her head out like asking to pet him. and txt themselves have said many times that they’re embarrassed to show feelings for each other on camera so that it doesn’t seem like a show off, and we can also see that even taehyun pretends that he doesn’t like touching, he himself sometimes starts to grab and touch beomgyu

huening kai - physical touch and words of affirmation

he touches the members' tummies so often and loves to pull soobin's cheeks and how they kiss each other's hands with yeonjun and how he likes perk members in cheek… and the moment when in an interview he answered that he is the most romantic of the members, this is the complete truth. he’s that boyfriend who always hugs you wherever you are, kisses your hands when you’re just sitting next to each other and literally fall in love in kissing your tummy (idk guys it’s just another level of love). i absolutely see him as that guy who listens to you very carefully and communicates with you very cute just like daily and i totally sure he's the guy who will leave you a bunch of warm fuzzies when he goes somewhere or just leaves for work before you

[louthestarspeaker]

[ID: A collection of six images of Jurassic World: Chaos Theory promo material. The images are in the style of a magazine, with a cover and interviews from each of the Nublar Six, minus Brooklynn.

The cover has all of the Nublar Six lined up on the docks in Costa Rica, just after they made it back to the mainland. Yaz and Sammy are holding hands, Kenji has a hand on Brooklynn's shoulder. All the kids are smiling nicely, with the exception of Darius whose smile is kind of awkward and looks a little uncomfortable on camera. The title of the magazine, The Dino Times, is splashed across the top of the page. Just below it is the subtitle "Who are the Nublar Six?". Below the photo of the campers is text that reads, "Meet the miraculous survivors of the Jurassic World catastrophe in this exclusive, celebrating the anniversary of their return."

Each of the interviews has a picture of each of the Nublar Six as a young adult, their name printed large, and a little logo for The Dino Times in the corner. A transcript of the text of each interview reads as folllows:

Darius: Dino Nerd Turned Hero

Darius Bowman never would've expected a shy, nerdy kid from Oakland could become the leader of the Nublar survivors.

"Back at Camp Cretaceous I had to learn to trust myself and my friends to make it through. It was a terrifying experience, but what they were doing to those dinosaurs at that facility just wasn't right. Somebody had to do something."

Since his return, Bowman has traveled all over the country giving talks about dinosaur conservation, and has worked with the Department of Prehistoric Wildlife.

Ben: Brave Soul Against All Odds

Ben Pincus had perhaps the most dramatic metamorphosis as a result of his experiences at Nublar.

"I was terrified of pretty much everything," he said. "Germs. The dark. Non-organic snacks. And then all of a sudden we were up against actual dinosaurs."

Luckily, Pincus found an unlikely ally in a baby Ankylosaurus he named Bumpy.

"Bumpy is my best friend. She helped me face my fears and see how much I had to contribute to the group."

We'll have to see if the campus office can make an exception for Bumpy as Ben gets ready for college in the fall.

Sammy: Cattle Rancher, Dino Wrangler

Sammy Gutierrez lived with her parents on a Texas ranch before Camp Cretaceous. Ever the optimist she remarked, "At least I was already used to big animals before that whole fiasco! There;s really not much difference between a longhorn and a Triceratops if you think about it."

Back at home, Gutierrez maintained that positive attitude by staying busy.

"I have my own ranch, now. And my girlfriend, Yaz. And tons of pies to bake! We don't have time to keep worrying about all that running for our lives stuff!"

Yaz: A Track Star and Her Team

Yasmina Fadoula went from national track star to Nublar Six survivor in the span of months, and the aftermath hit her particularly hard.

"I wasn't used to feeling helpless. Before, I would just push through to the finish line no matter what. Nublar made me realize you can't win all your races alone."

She credits her relationship with fellow survivor Sammy Gutierrez as a major source of support.

"I've been going through a lot of anxiety since coming back, and Sammy's been there constantly. I want to show her I can be the strong person she sees in me."

Kenji: Cool Kid Finds New Family

Kenji Kon has declined to comment on his father's incarceration.

"All that matters is my new family. They're the ones who always had my back."

The Nublar Six have been instrumental in Kenji's return to normal life, from his relationship with Brooklynn, to his best friend Darius.

"All I wanna do is chill, you know? I've moved out somewhere peaceful. Started my climbing school. All is good in Casa de Kenji."

End Transcript. The page of Kenji's interview has a ragged edge, like the page next to it has been torn out. There is no interview for Brooklynn. End ID]

[hopelesslyromanticgay]

I Fell For Her (literally)

Jenna Ortega X Fem!reader

Summary: Jenna meets Y/N at a fan event

Y/N's POV

Tonight was finally the night.

I grew up watching her on TV. At first it was just in commercials, but she slowly became more and more integrated into my TV programs.

When she got her own show, Stuck in the Middle, I started to pay more and more attention to her. I kept watching all of the projects she was in. The scream movies, X, The Fallout, You, American Carnage, and of much of her interviews and PR events. I've practically grown up alongside her.

She has no idea who I am, though.

Tonight, that's going to change.

Tonight I am going to meet Jenna Ortega.

...

I pull up to the expo right about when it starts, making sure I have my tickets.

I spend the first few hours looking at all of the merch and talking to other people at the event. everyone's so excited for the panel with the cast of Wednesday.

The panel itself was exciting, and I loved getting to see the cast live. Even if it was from far way.

After the panel, people run out of the convention space in a blur, practically climbing on top of each other.

It's loud, people are screaming, and the space reeks of weed and booze. 

It takes me forever just to get out of the building. By the time the people part and I can make a exit, I run for it. I need to get out.

I make it out of the area, but not without violently colliding with someone. I fall to the floor, directly on top of someone

"I'm so sorry!" I say quickly, "I didn't see you there."

"Don't worry about it," the girl under me says. I look down to see the girl I fell onto is non other than Jenna Marie Ortega. Shit. I scramble up to my feet, I can see her security team making it's way towards me. 

"Oh my god, can I help you up?" I ask. She's even prettier in person.

"I'm good, but thank you," she smiles, getting to her feet, "what's your name."

"I'm Y/n," I tell her, shaking her hand.

"Miss Ortega, is this girl causing you any trouble?" her team finally catches up to us.

"No not at all, it was an honest mistake," she tells them. I sigh in relief.

"Don't worry, I'm not one of your haters. Actually like the exact opposite. I'm such a huge fan, I've seen all of you projects!" I ramble, "you're like one of my favorite people. Oh my god I can't believe I crashed into you, I'm so so sorry."

"It's fine," she laughs, "I'm so glad I could meet such a devout fan." she gestures to my Tara Carpenter final girl T shirt.

"Oh my god, this is so embarrassing," I laugh awkwardly.

"Believe me, you're a lot better than some of my fans," she assures me.

"Why thank you."

"Well of course," she goes along with the old-timey politeness.

"Miss Ortega, your car is here," her guard informs her.

"Oh, of course. Well, Y/N, it was so nice to meet you! Maybe I'll see you some time soon!"

"Maybe!"

Oh my god. I can't believe I had a whole conversation with Jenna Ortega. 

[sunkissedchldrecon]

𝐏𝐈𝐂𝐊 𝐀 𝐂𝐀𝐑𝐃

𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒂𝒔 𝒂 𝒎𝒖𝒔𝒊𝒄𝒂𝒍 𝒄𝒆𝒍𝒆𝒃𝒓𝒊𝒕𝒚

the piles go from left to right. therefore, pile one is the new jeans CD, pile two is NCT, and so on and so forth.

take your time to use your intuition to choose the pile that will best resonate with you. lastly, please don’t be afraid to say if the message resonated or not. it helps me in determining if my interpretations are correct or not, and i appreciate any sort of feedback - even if it’s “bad”.

good luck to you, reader 💿

𝐃𝚰𝐒𝐂𝐋𝐀𝚰𝐌𝐄𝐑𝐒:

this PAC includes mentions of specific celebrities! this is in an attempt to describe the energy of each pile.

in one pile's moodboard example, i use a tweet from stan twitter to visualize how one's fandom might be. i don't necessarily agree with the example tweet, but it was a good example of the pile's energy, so i used it. it doesn't imply or show my true feelings about that fandom or artist.

additionally, sections of this PAC make reference to adult topics such as sex, drugs, alcohol, addiction, and more. please use your discretion when reading your or each pile.

𝐈

Your Playlist:

Cards: 

Queen of Swords, The Fool, Four of Wands, Two of Coins

King of Wands (Rx), Ten of Cups, Eight of Cups (Rx), The Devil, Four of Coins, Nine of Coins

Page of Coins, The Emperor

Knight of Swords (Rx), Ten of Swords, King of Swords, Page of Cups

The Star

Reading:

those who chose this pile would be soloists. 

the music you make would be hard-hitting and active! tons of choreography would be involved, and you'd make people want to learn your dances even if they weren't professional dancers! a significant amount of your songs might even go viral on platforms like tiktok. your music would be a fresh breath into the music industry; you would probably write your own songs and not be afraid to venture into a variety of music genres. you might do surprise releases (like beyoncé did with her self-titled album)! you'd gain tons of success with your works, so much so that you'd end up throwing celebration parties often due to it! you might find it hard to keep up with so much work (you're probably booked and busy with interviews, concerts, promotions, etc.), but you also love the lifestyle, and that energy shows through the music you make. 

in your musical career, you may come off as some sort of diva who knows how to talk their way to success. you come off as someone who has a great personal and professional life. you would have the type of career and life others' dream of having. you may stay in a healthy relationship. again, most of your songs would be upbeat and about happiness - which may be a breath of fresh air in relation to more emotional, heavy music. as you continue throughout your career, you may lean towards that emotional music because of depression or life struggles. you may be worried about the future of your career after your "prime". this might be after a period of time of years of hard work and seemingly little rest; you might fall into addictions to materialism, drugs, or alcohol. you will be protected though! people will be looking out for you and steer you back onto the right path which will keep you from going downhill. 

your fans would look up to you a lot. it's giving "these are my kids" energy. you may pay off their student loans or even party with some of them on a night out if you see them. you might appeal to a younger crowd - teens, college, and early adults. your fans see you as fair and as a pillar of authority. they look to you to determine how to move and act as a fandom. you act as the compass for order in their eyes. whatever you say to do, they will do. want to win a specific award? your fans will make sure they buy enough albums and vote enough for you to win it. want to collab with a specific artist? your fans will flood that person's timeline to make sure you two interact. it's almost like they fulfill your wishes! it reminds me of the saying ARMYs have about "anything yoongi wants, yoongi gets". 

the general public may have some conflict with you. some people may be prejudiced towards you (maybe because of race, gender, sexuality). some of the public will be hasty to judge you and bash you. this feeling will change fairly quickly. the public will realize they were wrong to judge you and feel horrible about what they did. some people may pray for your downfall and instead bring their own because it's like negativity towards you is reflected back on those who want to harm you; this goes back to you being heavily protected. in the end, the general public will see you as trustworthy and fair. some will think you're very innovative and great at executing your creative ideas. you could become a county's favorite artist. kind of like how Girls Generation is seen as the "Nation's Girl Group'' in South Korea - that would be your title as a soloist. the general public would end up doting over you and loving you. 

𝐈𝐈

Your Playlist:

Cards: 

Knight of Swords, The Devil, Four of Wands (Rx), The Hermit

Four of Coins, Five of Cups, King of Wands

The Moon (Rx), The Sun 

Page of Coins, The Emperor (Rx)

Ace of Coins

Reading: 

those who chose this pile would be in a musical group. 

you'd probably be the main rapper in this group. your group's music would be fast-paced and energetic. tons of choreography and you all would do major concept changes often. you all would also travel often or experiment with different cultural music. your sound would be bold - you might talk about taboo topics (ie. addiction, sex, violence, obsessions, death). your music might get spoiled before release. there may also be some times when the album is expected to debut on a certain day, and it isn't released until later - maybe because of music clearances or lack of preparation. your music would force people to confront difficult life topics instead of ignoring them. you all would also help people with mental health issues because they relate to the music so well. 

your group would achieve a ton, but i still think your company would be a little tight on finances. your company may be cutting it close to making payments on time, but you and the other members would be financially stable. the company would stay afloat, but it's like they struggle with money management maybe? you also would have a strong fanbase and a strong personal group sound (even while exploring so many genres). i feel like your company's struggles would impact the group and bring down morale. you all would have good successes but it's like your company takes you one step forward and three steps back. regardless, you all pushing through would just create more inspiration for music which in turn makes your fans appreciate and relate to you all more. 

i feel like fans would feel very protective and proud of you. the mismanagement of funds happening within the company would be revealed to the fans and public, but your fandom still has fierce loyalty to you all. they outwardly call out the mismanagement and want better for you all. you might have a lot of sasaengs because of fans' fierce loyalty to you. specific to you, fans may feel like you're very masculine or heavily into you masculine energy. you may be seen as the "sunshine" of the group. people look to you for happiness; there may be tons of compilations of your funny moments. you're like a light to a room to your fans and others. 

the general public learns a lot from you all. that sounds nice, but i think they mostly learn how not to run a company. you all definitely start important societal conversations on taboo topics like explained before, but that really gets overshadowed by company misadventures. people may see your company as young and maybe ignorant of how to be run? they'll feel like your company is abusing their power. you all may not get tons of promotion, so you may only be known to the public for your company's failures.

𝐈𝐈𝐈

Your Playlist:

Cards:

Six of Swords, Nine of Wands (Rx), Three of Coins (Rx), Page of Swords

Knight of Wands (Rx), King of Cups, Page of Cups (Rx), Three of Cups, Nine of Coins (Rx)

Five of Swords (Rx), Five of Coins, Five of Cups (Rx), Knight of Swords (Rx)

The Hierophant, Three of Wands (Rx), Six of Cups (Rx)

The Wheel of Fortune

𝐓𝐑𝐈𝐆𝐆𝐄𝐑 𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆: 𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐬𝐥𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐝𝐞𝐬𝐜𝐫𝐢𝐩𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐛𝐮𝐥𝐥𝐲𝐢𝐧𝐠

Reading:

those who chose this pile would be in a musical group. 

you'd probably be a vocalist. your music would have a theme all throughout your discography. it would be very consistent, and the albums would play beautifully altogether. each song would fade into the other and almost seem like a movie with just music. people may think you steal songs or there might be plagiarism controversies. someone from the group might be ousted, and that may be talked about in the music or hang over the group for a long time. this might be connected to the music you make in that your group isn't afraid to talk about being left behind and having to forge your own journey. someone in the group may be lazy. 

i think your group might break up, and you become a soloist? then, you'd be left to prove your worth in the music industry. you would come out on top, and let people know that you have a message that you're getting out regardless of the struggles you have to go through in order for it to be heard. i think ultimately you'll be left to work behind the scenes in the music industry - maybe as a songwriter or producer. it'll be the situation of people wanting to hear your words and you wanting to get them out, but it only materializes when it's told through someone else if that makes sense. 

your group career would be very messy. again, some members would be lazy; others would have bad attitudes and either be jealous and even violent. there's tons of in-fighting between members, and it's a major mess for everyone involved. you personally will not be like that though! you'd be the member others feel like they can trust and confide in. you're insightful and might even protect your members who are being bullied or on the receiving end of jealousy. similarly to pile two, your group's album would experience delays - due to plagiarism, samples not being cleared, lazy members, etc. 

your group produces music that's similar to what you all would be experiencing - troubled and emotional youth, manipulation, moodiness, immaturity, and unrequited love. despite all the in-group issues, you all would experience success for a time! ultimately, it will go away due to company mismanagement and all the group issues coming to light. 

fans might not like you because of what messy group members say about you. they'll say you're attention seeking and manipulative even though it's other members doing those exact things and NOT you. you might feel isolated because of the hate you receive. you may think no one likes you, and you might stare off during interviews because you're being ignored. you'd feel really lonely. as you keep going, you will gain strength and feel confident enough in the fact that you know you're a good person despite others believing the opposite. you'll know your truth is more grounding that others' lies. i think this is what will ultimately lead to you preferring to be behind the scenes rather than in the light of the music industry. 

i don't think the general public will hate you as much as fans seem to. the general public would be way more understanding of circumstances and would be willing to hear your side of the story rather than blindly believing you members. you'd have a major impact on the collective, and you might even become an expert in whatever you do behind the scenes. i think people will see that you were used by the machine called the music industry and would feel for you. i also think the public would pick up on the fact that you eventually feel unsure about your musical abilities. they'll see you as disorganized because of how the industry left you. your past would be at the forefront of the general public's mind, so it would be best for you to work behind the scenes, so the music can speak for itself rather than you speaking for the music.

𝐈𝐕

Your Playlist:

Cards:

Five of Swords (Rx), Queen of Coins (Rx), Six of Wands, Strength

Queen of Wands, Knight of Wands (Rx), The Magician, The Hanged Man (Rx)

Page of Swords, King of Swords, Three of Wands

The Star (Rx), Seven of Cups

Four of Cups

𝐓𝐑𝐈𝐆𝐆𝐄𝐑 𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆: 𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐬𝐞𝐱𝐢𝐬𝐦

Reading:

those who chose this pile would be in a musical group. 

you'd probably be a main dancer and a vocalist (but not a main vocal). your group's music would be shocking. it would deal with topics like manipulation, gossip, paranoia, and the theme might revolve around uncovering secrets and overcoming those who want to harm you. almost like a horror concept! i'm slightly reminded of xdinary heroes or even rage against the machine. your music would seek to uncover immorality in the world and put it in the face of society instead of trying to hide it like we've been taught to. super unique concept! your listeners get the feeling that they can uncover and fight through anything after listening to your music. the music is very strong (maybe even in the rock genre for some of you), and there's a confidence in the music (including sexual confidence). 

there's strong sexual themes in your music. femme fatale and dominatrix vibes are present. this group would be filled with strong female figures who are confident in who they are. in some instances, you all want to be seen as arrogant in order to provide a view of women that's not often seen in the music scene - at least not in a way where women are in control of their own power. this group would play off of gender stereotypes and archetypes in order to make a point to society. again, super creative concepts, and it might even include the occult! like divination tools might be seen in the background of some of your music videos. the point is to show young women that they can be powerful and also know when to hold back in order to show all sides of that power. 

your fans might be on the younger side - teens and young adults. they will like giving you handmade messages and gifts. it's almost giving you being the older sibling, and your fans are the younger sibling who looks up to you. they learn a lot about themselves from you, and see you as this intellectual that has great creative ideas. they also see you as just and fair and might come to you for advice. they may see their future selves in you and look up to you because of that. both of you have tons of love for one another (it's so cute!). 

the general public may not really like you. you may disappoint them because there's this societal view they have of how gender roles should be enforced or how your group should behave, and you all totally go against that. it's like they're thinking "that group would help themselves out if they just followed with the standards. they make it hard on themselves". they see you all as immoral and a bad influence on the younger society. they also see you all as delusional. 

reader's note: do not think of the general public's view as a bad thing! personally, it's important to remember that change only comes when society is forced to confront irrational and prejudicial thinking. if anything, the general public viewing you as this is a compliment in my opinion. 

𝐕

Your Playlist: 

Cards: 

The Lovers, Eight of Swords, The Emperor, Queen of Coins, The Star

The High Priestess, Ten of Cups, Knight of Swords

Five of Cups, Six of Wands, The Hermit

The Chariot 

Reading:

those who chose this pile would be in a musical group. 

you'd be the face of the group/the center - maybe a visual position? your group focuses on love songs and relationships. you all would talk about all the ups and downs of creating, maintaining, and losing relationships. i feel like on the outside, the concepts of each title track might be visually very different, but the major theme of relationships would always be present. for example, there would be a very rosy and cheery song about how in love you all are in a romantic relationship (like a Twice title track), and then your next comeback would be more solemn and serious about how you lost a loved family member or something like that (like what's mentioned in DaBaby's "Gucci Peacoat"). you all would have long lasting careers and be seen as good senior musicians. you all would probably be very personally involved in the music making process. your music would be very comforting and relatable for whoever listens to it. i think you'd give many people hope when it comes to handling relationships. 

i feel like the group's music heavily focuses on emotional connections - so much so that spiritual and occult elements might be present in the process or music videos and things of that nature. your group might be seen as mysterious outside of the music you all make. it's like you all are only focused on the music aspect in the public eye and don't really reveal a ton about your deep personal lives (like siblings or TMIs or things like that). you all really want to emphasize the music! you and your group members would be very close in personal and professional life! you all may feel more like family members rather than friends which will translate into the music. it's like you all will recognize that you'd achieved your dreams all together and you would cherish one another greatly for that. you all may be internationally famous or gather fame quickly - maybe as soon as you debut! it also may be super easy for you all to make and release music. 

i get very despondent energy from your fans for some reason? they may frequently feel disappointed with you all - maybe because of how different title tracks and aesthetics can change for you all? it could also be that they're the type of fans that are always focused on how much bigger you all could be, so they never stop to appreciate how far you all have come and therefore they seem ungrateful. they will eventually get over this though! so maybe in the beginning they feel disappointed about how little known and unappreciated you all are, but when you blow up they feel very proud of your successes and feel like all of yours and their effort has paid off. your fans will look to you for guidance and support when it comes to mental health issues and gain personal strength from you. they may like how withdrawn you and your group can be when it comes to disclosing personal information. 

i didn't get any cards when shuffling to ask how the general public would view you. i only got the bottom of the deck energy which was The Chariot. i feel like this means your success will be so widespread it's hard to contain how the public views you to a couple tarot cards that may give a more in-depth explanation. they'll see you and your group as having great drive and ambition that leads you all to great success despite a long, uphill battle that comes with pursuing a musical career. i feel like they'd be especially impressed because you all come from a small company? it's like you all started from the absolute bottom to become major stars, and the public finds that admirable.

𝐕𝐈

Your Playlist: 

Cards: 

Nine of Cups, The Emperor, Four of Cups, Five of Wands, Six of Wands, The Empress

The Sun, The Fool, Five of Coins (Rx), Three of Wands, Knight of Coins, Four of Swords, Knight of Cups

Three of Cups (Rx), Strength, Page of Coins

The High Priestess (Rx), Five of Swords, The Star, Six of Swords

Ace of Coins

𝐓𝐑𝐈𝐆𝐆𝐄𝐑 𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆: 𝐝𝐞𝐬𝐜𝐫𝐢𝐩𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐦𝐢𝐬𝐨𝐠𝐲𝐧𝐲

Reading:

those who chose this pile would be a soloist. 

off bat, you'd be super successful! i get the feeling you'd always be happy, and that might translate into your music. you may encourage listeners to be happy and invite abundance and gratefulness into their own lives the way you welcomed it into yours. i think you'd be very hands-on with your music, and you'd take the reins in everything you do - i'm almost reminded of beyoncé and how people view her as a perfectionist about her work. despite your perfectionist tendencies, you'd definitely be open to others' ideas, and you'd be nice to work with. people wouldn't have a bad word to say about you in that aspect. you'd be super hypnotic as a celebrity, so people would totally be drawn to you. i think you'd be open about all the "goods" and "bads" of fame. you'd talk about how financial abundance and overflowing love from people is very enticing, but isn't all it's cracked up to be. you'd be open about your struggles, and people would find that refreshing and admire you for your honesty. i think your spirit guides would be guiding you to and throughout fame because you were destined for it. you'd be spiritually protected. 

you'd exude energy and success in your music. you might even make perfect manifestation music! your music would be very original, and i believe you'd write music directly from your heart. you wouldn't worry about being "too vulnerable" because you want to be because it's like that's the essence of music for you. you take setbacks from your life and still find hope in them in order to take good from the indecipherable bad. i think that's what would make your music most unique. you'd treat music as your past, present, and future and because of how close you hold it to your heart, it becomes obvious in your music. the point of your music is to show personal growth, and people would connect with that immediately. i also think relationships and romance would be important in your music since your emotions would always be in your songwriting. your breakups, makeups, and new connections would always be written and released to the public - i'm reminded of Taylor Swift and Ariana Grande. 

fans (or maybe more so the general public?) may see you like the two artists i just mentioned are viewed - promiscuous, always in a relationship, and maybe even excessive and overindulgent in life and financial endeavors. others will say that you're confident in yourself and your sexuality and find that empowering. they see you as someone who is secure in themself and doesn't need public approval to do whatever you want. there's a subtle, grand confidence in you that people see. your fans may want to be like you and be students of you, writing your every word down. you might be popular with teens and young adults. 

the general public will see you as someone who is secretive and doing shady things behind the scenes. they'll feel like your energy and personality is too good to be true. they'll say you're immoral and maybe even involved with the illuminati or something like that. some might even say you're misusing spirituality or witchcraft to get your fame. people would want to speak negatively on you and cause you distress; they might often engage in smear campaigns to lower your credibility. for others, you give them hope. overall, people's negative intentions will not matter because, as said before, you'd be heavily spiritually protected. you'll be able to brush off smear campaigns and negative, false publicity very easily. your foundation is too strong to be broken by bullies and those who are so miserable in their own lives they push it onto others.

𝐕𝐈𝐈

Your Playlist: 

Cards: 

Knight of Swords, King of Coins, The High Priestess (Rx), Three of Cups (Rx)

Ten of Swords, Nine of Swords (Rx), Three of Wands, Knight of Coins

Queen of Cups, Ten of Cups (Rx), The Fool, Page of Cups

Five of Cups, Five of Wands, King of Wands (Rx)

Judgment

𝐓𝐑𝐈𝐆𝐆𝐄𝐑 𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆: 𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐝𝐞𝐬𝐜𝐫𝐢𝐩𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐚𝐝𝐝𝐢𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧, 𝐬𝐞𝐱, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐝𝐞𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐨𝐧

Reading:

those who chose this pile would be a soloist. 

you'd be very involved in the musical process. you'd likely write most (if not, all) of your music. anything you make is sure to be a hit. you're ambitious with your ideas, and you're quick to create and hop onto new trends. i get the feeling you wouldn't trust your musical abilities despite how they always seem to work out for you. maybe you need a ton of outside support to finally decide "okay, this is a good idea". you might even be older than expected when you become a musical artist. you might feel unfulfilled in life in general and especially in the music industry despite your successes. you might spend way more money than you have, or you might just flaunt your wealth excessively. you might rely on drugs, alcohol, or sexual adventures as an escape from your feelings of loneliness. it seems you'd be successful but unhappy. 

your music may include information about the traumas you have. whatever is causing you to turn to your addictions will be explicitly mentioned in the music you put out. a lot of your music may mention themes like grief, depression, and hardship. it's like your music allows for you to constantly relive your traumatic experiences and that makes it hard for you to heal or create different thematic content if that makes sense. i think once you gained success you thought you would be happy, but it only made it worse because you realized fame and money does not automatically bring happiness. ultimately, i think those around you will urge you to gain confidence and help you to know you're on the right path. you'd slowly but surely become more emotionally stable and start traveling more and feeling more happiness. 

your fans would see you as very in tune with your intuition and femininity or feminine energy. they'd see you as caring, sensitive, and emotional. i think that's because those are the elements you use to make your music. they also see you as wildly artistic and creative. they might feel like you come up with music and ideas that no one else would even think of. they'd see you as an innovator. i also think they'd see you as broken or coming from traumatic and undesirable circumstances. i think they'd recognize and feel your pain. they'd view your life in the music industry and your fame as a new beginning for you and would see it as a chance for you to be free from what's hurt you. they might like writing out their love for you through social media campaigns or through giving you handwritten letters. they'd see you as someone who is constantly growing and learning, and they'd feel happy seeing you happy. 

the general public may have wishy-washy feelings towards you. they might find out about your addictions and feel disappointed with you. some people will feel empathetic and recognize how your misfortunes affect you and may have the view of "oh, it's horrible that they went through that. i hope they no longer do that and start feeling better and happier". others will feel like you're selfish and didn't appreciate what you were given if you engaged in your addictions while you were successful. they might think "they gained all that money and fame, so why even go down the route of addiction? they were just wallowing in their sadness". very different points of view, so the general public would feel split on their feelings towards you overall.

𝐕𝐈𝐈𝐈

Your Playlist: 

Cards: 

Ten of Coins, King of Wands, Five of Wands, Temperance, Four of Wands

Nine of Swords (Rx), The Emperor (Rx), Five of Swords, Three of Cups

The Devil (Rx), King of Coins, Six of Cups

Ten of Wands, The Hanged Man

Knight of Coins

𝐓𝐑𝐈𝐆𝐆𝐄𝐑 𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆: 𝐬𝐥𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐨𝐟 𝐝𝐢𝐬𝐨𝐫𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐝 𝐬𝐥𝐞𝐞𝐩𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐡𝐚𝐛𝐢𝐭𝐬; 𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠

Reading:

those who chose this pile would be a soloist. 

you might be discovered purely by "chance". maybe you posted a song cover on YouTube or became popular on TikTok, and a label decided to pick you up. your music may have to do with your personal life like your family, how you gained your fame, your life history, and things of that nature. your music would be very motivational and strong. you may be very specific about your aesthetic and visuals because you want to stand out among the artist-filled industry. you would be super competitive when it came to the music game. you might be a rapper? i feel like you'd focus a ton on things like word-play. you also might like making society and listeners think about life, society, and spirituality/their life purpose. i'm reminded of artists like Jhene Aiko and J. Cole. you'd benefit a lot from your fame. 

you may be a perfectionist about your craft. you might miss out on healthy sleeping and eating patterns while working on an album. you may love the idea of working yourself until you can't work anymore. you see the struggle of work as a labor of birthing these creative ideas and appreciate each time you can create something new. i know i mentioned earlier that a record label may have wanted to pick you up, but i think you might prefer to be an independent artist. you wouldn't want to be confined to company standards and expectations; you would want to focus on the music. people and companies may want you to fail because of this. they may intentionally block your music from being played on the radio or from being nominated for awards. despite this, you would still gain success from you giving to others and others finding your energy welcoming. a strong group (could be your fans or the collective) would ensure your success. 

your fans would see you as someone that breaks free from the societal mold. they'd see you as someone that knows how to think for themselves even if the group wants them to think differently. they also see you as someone that knows how to keep going and growing when shit hits the fan. you'd be seen as someone that doesn't allow for life circumstances to bring them down. they'd see you as a successful business person who has the perfect ear for music and eyes for aesthetics. they may also see you as someone that is very guided spiritually. they can tell someone is watching over you to be sure you succeed in the industry. 

the general public would see you as someone who made something from nothing. they may not view you as this huge, international superstar, but you would be somewhat known. some parts of the population would be able to recognize you from a photo or from the mention of your name. some of the public may feel like you're delusional in what you're trying to achieve (especially if you're an independent artist going against big companies). i think the general public would also be able to tell that you're spiritually guided and protected. parts of the public will like that you give a fresh perspective to them and the rest of society. you could begin an idea shift in the collective.

[sinimake]

You've got drawing ideas cage fighting (fking love this new AU 😍🤩) and I'm sick and drowning in sick!Johnshi ideas so let me kick them out of my brain please.

So I get the feeling that both Kenshi and Johnny are horrible when they are sick bc they simply. Won't. Let themselves. Get taken care off. The bases are surprisingly similar and yet different.

Kenshi grew up with the idea that showing any sort of weakness is a no-no if you want to survive his (previous) world. So he will do whatever it takes to power through whatever nasty virus has taken over his body. Then this gets aggravated when he is freeing the Taira bc now it has become a "I can't rest yet" type of problem (cue to him collapsing more than once in the past). And there is also a bit of him not believing that he deserves the gentleness and love that is someone taking care of himself.

Johnny hides behind a shiny and loud wall of "THE Johnny Cage cannot get sick. I'm too good for that". But all this façade hides is his fear of his public persona cracking and him falling behind. He *needs* to get this shoot done, this premiere attended, this interview published bc otherwise people will forget him (feeling that was appeared when he started making a career of himself and then got worse pre MK1 events). There is also the fear of being considered a burden (something that his shitty father drilled into his brain and that sadly his mother couldn't fight since she was always so busy trying to raise her 2 sons and drag her useless husband).

And for the both of them there might also be something about not wanting others to pity them?

At the beginning of their relationship this whole thing becomes a bit of a friction point but after a couple of times they realize that letting themselves to be taken care of when sick is not shameful, doesn't make them weak or a burden and that they actually deserve that care and gentleness.

I'm sorry for taking so long to answer your submission bc i have been mulling about what more i can add.

You're SO RIGHT about everything.

Kenshi is a very duty bound person. The Kenshi who's seeking redemption serves people, his family and loved ones, and everything comes before his own needs and wants. Of course, he doesn't let himself rest when he's sick bc it is just trivial thing, a distraction. The way Kenshi just gives up when he loses his sight tells a lot about how he sees his worth bc if he can't fight to save his clan, then he's nothing. Furthermore, he feels that he's underserving of good things bc guilt™️ of his yakuza past.

On the other hand, Johnny is all about proving himself capable. In the entertainment industry, you must be always on you top shape, gotta give 110% all the time, or people will replace you with a blink of an eye. He doesn't do well when people point out his shortcomings, so he mask them and it is probably where his arrogant attitude roots from bc fake it till you make it right?

Johnny and Kenshi are both hypocrites because they want to take care of each other while not doing the same for themselves. Loving someone's uglies is easy when you truly love the person but letting yourself be loved? Being weak and vulnerable with the other? It is hard to unlearn all the ways that helped them survive the world but what's love if you if you can't be your true self.

[delyth88]

Random late night thoughts on falling into a fandom.

I'm not really the sort of person who gets excited about a lot of different shows and characters. I mean I enjoy them, but I don't fall in love with them often. I joined Tumblr in 2017 because I saw Thor Ragnarok and then caught up on the MCU and fell in love with Loki. And that's been pretty much it till now.

I'm as old as Tom Hiddleston, so when I was a fan of the Lord of the Rings there wasn't a fandom culture like this online, and Tumblr wasn't around till 2006 even if I had known about it. So without the ability to interact with other people about the movies I loved, they eventually receded in my consciousness.

With Loki and the MCU I found other people who loved him as much as I did and wanted to talk about it! And I discovered fan fiction. So much awesomeness! And there were a lot of excellent stories that really got inside his head and fleshed out the movies and the issues he was dealing with. It meant that I remained fascinated for years. I still am.

I also discovered Tom Hiddleston was a charming and decent man and cared about this character I'd come to love and was actually interested in talking about him - so naturally I devoured all the interviews I could find. I’m not generally one for following actors – it’s a bit of a gamble as to whether they’ll be a jerk or not, so I’m pretty cautious.

Over that time I've watch most of the blogs I know move on to other things, and new people discover how awesome Loki is. But I've never found another character that's captured my imagination quite like Loki. And I've kinda wondered what the magic combination was.

Now I think I've figured out a couple of things in the last few weeks.

I started a rewatch of the X-Men movies, and as it turned out about half of them were not a rewatch but watching them for the first time. (I'm still mildly angry at myself for missing them when they came out - it would have been fun to be in the fandom at that time.) I watched them most evenings I had free and sometimes parts of a movie over multiple nights.  And I think this is one of the things that hooks me into a universe and really makes me care for the characters. 

It was a similar thing for me with the MCU.  There was a lot of canon material already out there by the time I came to it, which meant I was able to immerse myself in the world over several months, and with everything relating to everything else it really helped create that feeling of a real world where these people really exist and the stakes and their relationships with each other are real. It also meant that I got to see Loki grow and change over several movies and several year (sadly not always for the better imo), but again I think this helped with the illusion of real people.

And I think inadvertently I’ve done the same thing with X-Men. I came into it with familiarity from the cartoon as a kid and the original movies, so I was already disposed to like them.  I very much enjoyed the Ian McKellen and Patrick Stewart era, but I still didn’t fall down the rabbit hole until part way through Days of Future Past.  I hadn’t seen First Class before, and that was a very pleasant surprise.  I had no expectations and they were far enough removed in age from the previous films that I didn’t find myself comparing them too much. First Class had so much heart! Lots of heart-warming moments getting to know the characters, and some that pulled at the heartstrings too.  I saw that in one sitting.  If I’d watched that over multiple, I may have been hooked earlier. 

I found myself initially enjoying the whole world and how all the characters fit together after First Class.  I was also a little surprised and unsure about this portrayal of Charles Xavier.  He’s always been a favourite character from the Patrick Stewart era, but just in a “I slightly prefer you over the others” kinda way. I suppose that did lead me to pay particular attention to the younger version of Charles. But this new version had an unexpected charm. Now usually I run a mile from characters that are cocky and too self-assured, which objectively Charles is here, but for some reason everything else about him and the film led me to liking his attitude and his heart.

By partway through Days of Future Past, which I watched over multiple evenings, I was actively looking forward to getting home at the end of the day to see more of this character.  And for a brief few days while I finished off the movies I think my hind brain was treating this like looking forward to seeing a real person. Which I found kinda fascinating, and since it doesn’t happen often I paid a bit more attention to this process.

The final nail in the coffin for me was Charles’ aching “You abandoned me!” on the plane. At this point I was 100% rooting for this character and following the next two movies from his point of view.  I was really impressed with how consistent his character seemed to be throughout the first three films of that timeline. After following Loki for so many years I know what inconsistent character personalities can do. :/ It should go without saying therefore that Dark Phoenix didn��t really do it for me.

So I think my recipe for falling in love with characters boils down to three things:

Have a decent amount of material to watch, and watch it in quick succession.

Have a character with strong bonds to others and who has scenes where they’re emotionally vulnerable. Obviously it helps if they’re a good actor.

Have consistent character writing, and believable, compelling, motivations.

And bonus point 4: Have a community to talk about them with.

Oddly, I’d put off watching the X-Men films as late as I could, because I felt I didn’t really have as much headspace and time to give them as I thought they deserved. And I’d half thought I might fall for Magneto, given Loki was my favourite character. They have a lot of similarities – both have had to endure terrible pain and loneliness in their lives, and have been the outcast for one reason or another. They’re both characters whose allegiance changes. The sympathetic villain with a persuasive motivation. They’re both powerful manipulators of the world around them, and of course there’s a very broad similarity in looks (i.e. tall white guy with dark hair).

But no. It was the shorter, less conventionally attractive character, who was the steadfastly ‘good’ one of the pair that stole my heart. The one that could have been really quite boring in contract to Erik.  But I think it was how in so many scenes I feel like I could just see this man’s heart laid bare.  He really tried, and kept trying, to help his friends, and believed in them and the rest of mankind. You could just see the light within him. I initially viewed them as a pair similar to Thor and Loki, but I’ve never found Thor such an engaging character even though he has a similar function and some similar traits.

My brain has decided this is now my blorbo and has dedicated a larger than reasonable section of my mental CPU to him for the meantime. It’s almost like a real crush on a real person. Which is such a strange thing, when you think about it.  Or it just shows there’s a threshold where your brain goes, okay we have enough data points now, we can start caring for these people. It reminds me why I felt like I did for the weeks after Infinity War.  As far as my brain is concerned this is someone I genuinely care about.

It makes me a little sad for people I know who don’t care for stories in this way - books, movies, or television. It’s a joyful, if sometimes inconveniently scheduled, thing to fall in love with people in the tales we tell each other.

[ye4gerism]

Bachelorette season is starting up again! Y/N L/N is the new stunning face of the Bachelorette and so far the viewers feel that she’s favorable.

Of course, the honeymoon phase of the show will decrease episode by episode and someone is bound to crack really soon.

INTO THE LIVES OF THE BOYS: exclusive interviews with the eight remaining contestants

“What are you looking for in a partner?”

COLT GRICE: i’m honestly looking for someone who is willing to go through the ups and downs of life with me. i know that sounds basic but trust me, i know what it’s like to watch a marriage fall apart because one person wasn’t committed enough.

EREN YEAGER: you know, when i think of a partner, i think of someone i can jump out of a plane with. my partner and i should be able to feel the “breeze” of marriage and overcome everything together

“Do you have any past relationships?”

OYANKOPON: who hasn’t? i hope this isn’t some sort of trick question. there was a person i thought i’d marry but an unforeseen event helped me understand that they weren’t for me.

JEAN KIRSTEIN: oh yeah…too many. i was kind of a player in high school and i screwed around a lot in college but as i’ve gotten older, i realized that i want a family and a future.

“Eren you and Zeke look oddly alike. Why is that?”

EREN YEAGER: really? that blonde mop? i don’t really see it.

“What is your guilty pleasure?”

ARMIN ARLERT: i’m sort of into conspiracy theories. sometimes i feel bad because as bizarre as some are, they’re kind of believable.

PORCO GALLIARD: i won’t lie; i love ordering in. i eat healthy and everything yes but, boy, don’t i love sitting on my couch on a friday night and eating my favorite that just got delivered to me.

“How do you like to spend your free time?

CONNIE SPRINGER: i personally love spending time with my two younger siblings. i love living life through them.

REINER BRAUN: my niece is the funniest person i know. since the moment she was born, she’s brought a smile to my face. i love spending my free time with her!

A LITTLE BIRDIE TOLD ME…: dirt on the cast

“Rumor has it one of the contestants has a wife.”

We wouldn’t be surprised. 10 handsome men enter the show and none of them are married? That’s a little suspicious don’t you think? Colt and Reiner are definitely hubby material.

“Eren is passed around like a football 😞”

With those green eyes, the ladies are probably all over him…and he’s probably all over them too. You didn’t hear it from us though.”

“Jean and Eren don‘t get along”

An insider told us the two were throwing looks at each other. It probably has something to do with Eren stealing Jean’s girlfriend in highschool.

“I heard that jean and eren went to high school tg and that eren stole jean’s long term gf”

What did we say?

“Zeke has a crush on Y/N”

we have a crush on y/n too!

“Zeke has daddy kink”

Oh!😀

“I heard y/n f*cked zeke to get on the show”

Are we talking about the right Zeke?

“yn is just gonna be playing all the guys, she's there for vibes”

We love a good feminist! Why be on a show for marriage when you can be a show to play men? We love it.

That’s all for now! Tune in next week for more juicy details!

i didn’t hit all questions but i will use them next week’s post! some of these answers made me laugh lmao😭 imagine zeke falling for you (UNLESS👁️). i’ll definitely incorporate some of these rumors into the story :). i also forgot to introduce hitch and pieck, so i’ll try and integrate them into the next few chapters!

if you would like to vote again, press here. you don’t have to answer the written answer questions if you have already! just let me know that you’ve already answered! i’ll probably close the poll tmrw so i can finish up the chapter :)

tysm again for reading the bachelorette!

taglist: @katestrophes @taylarxse @invisible-mori @tanakaslastbraincell @mrsharuchiyo @parkerluvsu @conniesbbymama @444ctrl @gabbadabbad00 @cvberidiot @maliagurl @greeniegreengreen @teanica @illgrrl @asymetricstar @llovesero @haitainiwhore3 @durag_tanaka

[writingforstraykids]

Addicted to you - Chp. 9

Pairing: Minlix | Minchan (mention of Changlix)

Word Count: 4252

Summary: Felix decides to try a new way to cheer Minho up for a bit, falling back into old patterns with him. Chan walks in on them and at first, Minho doesn't care...until he does.

Warnings/Tags: smut, sub!felix, switch!minho, friends with benefits, panic attack, emotional hurt/comfort

A/N: This for everyone who wished to see a little more of Minlix. I hope you like it~🌙

Chp. 8 | Chp. 10

How am I supposed to go out and find love again? Only know what it is 'Cause you showed me it exists How am I supposed to feel all the things that we felt But with somebody else? Knowing you exist Knowing you exist - Alexander Stewart

The following week, the atmosphere turned frosty whenever Chan and Minho were in the same room. Whilst Chan pretended nothing had happened and went on like before, Minho simply ignored him. To everyone else, Minho acted as normal, but Chan got the cold shoulder. The gap forming between their two hyungs worried the rest with every passing day. Especially when Minho started skipping group dinners, locked himself up in his room, or overstayed his welcome after dance practice. He refused to practice the new dance with Chan pressed up against him, and with every passing day, his appearance looked worse. 

During interviews, he stayed quiet, and looking at the footage, everyone could tell he was feeling like  shit, including the fans. When asked about the most important person within the team, Minho honestly answered Felix and Jisung since he didn't know what he'd do without them at the moment. Chan said Minho, saying he owed him a lot and hoped they'd always find each other no matter what. This caused Minho to stand up during the midst of the interview, stumbling over Seungmin's feet with tears in his eyes. Their management forced him back only shortly after, and for the rest of the interview, he kept his head hung low, hot tears threatening to spill down his cheeks after removing his microphone. He was shaking, and neither Felix’s hand on his back nor Jisung taking his hand calmed him. The others glanced at him worriedly occasionally, and Chan tried his best not to look, seeming anxious. The video later got him into serious trouble with staff and raised even more questions among fans. 

Felix and Jisung had the most insight into what was going on since they were the only ones Minho really talked to. They knew that he was slowly destroying his knee by practicing harder and even more than before instead of resting. They knew that he had skipped meals quite often by this point. They were there to hold his hand before interviews or in situations when Minho had no choice but to deal with Chan. They ensured he got something to eat from time to time, held him when he felt sad, and helped him out when his body would shut down after a particularly long day.

Felix and Jisung took turns staying with him at night, knowing this was the only way Minho was able to sleep now. They didn't know how to make him feel better because deep down, what Minho needed was Chan, the one he’d been avoiding like the plague. It was a habit he formed a long while ago, to distance himself from anyone or anything that felt unsafe.

But one evening, Felix decided to try something new, wondering if it would help make Minho forget his pain, even if it was just for a few hours. They were sitting on the broad window sill in Felix’s room, leaning against opposite walls, facing each other. Minho was staring out into the night, anxiously fidgeting with the fabric of his sweater. 

“Min?” Felix spoke up gently, and the older one turned to look at him. “What are you thinking about?”

Minho shrugged his shoulders. “Everything and nothing at once,” he told him, rubbing his neck. “I’m starting to have serious doubts about Chan and me staying.”

“What?” he asked, written in his expression.

“I feel like I need a break from all of this. I’m not saying I want to quit, but some distance might be better than trying to avoid something I live in the same house with,” he sighed, defeated. Felix tilted his head at him.

“You think you’ll love him any less once you’re back? Your heart won’t break seeing him again?” he asked gently. They both knew it wasn’t possible, and Minho couldn’t bring himself to say it even if his was. 

“I…I just want to feel whole again, Lix. I can’t go on like this,” he told him and hugged himself. “It was alright before because there was nothing to miss…but I miss what we had so much. I never thought I’d feel so lonely and-,” he trailed off as Felix scooted closer, cupping his face with one hand. “What are you doing?” he whispered. Felix caressed his cheek and leaned in close. Minho's eyes widened as their lips brushed together. "Felix, you have a boyfriend." 

"He knows, he’s fine with it," Felix told him quietly, and Minho's resistance crumbled slightly, but he was still on alert. "Relax, I got you, remember?" 

Minho nodded, eyes fluttering close as their lips met. He melted into the familiar feeling and let Felix take the lead. He missed being held and kissed like that. He missed having someone close, showing him his worth with every passing day. Sometimes he really fucking missed Felix. 

Felix pulled him onto his lap, hands tracing down his back. His heart hurt at how desperately Minho kissed him. The way he gripped his shirt, pressing himself as close as he could to feel something again. Felix leaned back against the wall and smiled into the kiss as Minho moved to cup his face in his hands. His hand slipped beneath his shirt, gently gliding up Minho's spine and resting between his shoulder blades. "Gosh, sometimes I really miss you," Felix mumbled against his lips. 

Minho stopped in his movements and blinked at him. "You do?" he asked quietly. 

"You were my first for so many things," Felix gently brushed back his hair and nodded. "You meant a lot to me, you know." 

"Not enough, though," Minho said, and Felix hummed softly. 

"Did I?" he asked, and Minho's eyes flickered guiltily. 

"No, not like that," he then admitted, and Felix nodded. 

"We both knew it would end sooner or later," he said, caressing his cheek. Minho leaned into the gentle touch and inhaled shakily. "And that's okay because we were open with each other about it." 

"I miss you too sometimes," he told him honestly before covering his hand with his own. "I felt a different kind of safety with you." 

Felix searched his eyes as if he was trying to memorize every little detail he could. "I think I didn't tell you how beautiful you are often enough."

"Yongbokie," Minho said softly, eyes radiating nothing but warmth. 

"I mean it. You're beautiful," he told him and connected their lips. "Loving," he continued before kissing him again. "And too kind for this world," he added before pressing their lips together hard and full of desperation. Minho made a soft sound at the impact, and Felix grabbed his hips, leaning forward and pushing him onto his back. 

Minho shortly searched his eyes, wondering how far they'd go. Felix didn't seem to think much of it, hovering over him and chasing his lips hungrily. Minho let him, spreading his legs to make room for him as Felix almost fell off the window sill, bracing himself next to his head. Felix giggled softly and rolled his eyes at himself. Minho reached out for him, thumb brushing over his lower lip. "God, I lo-," he stopped, closing his eyes and remembering that this wasn't like what he thought he had with Chan. 

"You can say it, Minho. I know how you mean it," Felix told him, and Minho shook his head. "I love you, Min." 

Minho looked up at him with teary eyes. "I love you too, Lixie." 

Felix smiled gently, eyes sparkling with joy. He went back to kissing him, and the way Minho gripped his hair and arched up against him told him everything he needed to know. Deep down, Minho longed for more, longed to be close to him like they had been long ago. Felix knew better than to deny that he was feeling the same way. He reached down, smoothly opening the strings of Minho's sweatpants before palming him and rubbing his hand between his legs. Surprised, Minho gasped against his lips, unable to stop himself from bucking up into his touch. Felix slipped his hand into his pants, wrapping it around his dick, and stroked him experimentally. Minho moaned sweetly and gripped his hair tightly. 

"Felix," he breathed out. 

"I'm here," he said gently. 

"You don't have to -," he broke off as Felix continued his movement. 

"I want to," he promised, grabbing Minho's chin with his free hand. "Trust me," he told him and grabbed the bottle of lube stored in the drawer of his bedside table. He poured some onto his hand before reaching back into his pants. 

Minho did trust him, and his eyes fluttered close as he allowed himself to enjoy this. He pulled Felix back into a kiss, trying to stifle his moans as he rolled his hips. Felix leaned down, kissing his neck and leaving soft bites down from his ear to his collarbone. "Mark me up," Minho breathed out, desperate to feel something. 

"Are you sure?" Felix asked gently, nose still buried in his neck. 

"Please," he said quietly. 

Felix bit down below his ear in response, softly licking over the bite. He started sucking on his skin, moaning deliciously against his neck. 

Minho moaned out loud, and the way Felix's body responded reminded him of how much he had enjoyed him being vocal. "Fuck, Min," he moaned as Minho pulled at his hair and bit down harshly. 

Minho's eyes rolled back at the pleasurable pain, and he slammed his hand against the window, trying to brace himself somehow as Felix picked up the pace. His head fell back with a loud moan of Felix's name, making the younger one hum satisfied. 

Felix barely noticed the door to his room opening, lips attached to Minho's neck and being pressed against his skin by him. He pulled a beautiful moan from his lips, and glanced over at the door at the intruder. He realized it was Chan staring at them in pure shock. Felix locked eyes with him but didn't stop, not wanting Minho to notice. He knew Min would feel guilty, and in his eyes, there was absolutely no reason for it. 

"Fuck, don't stop. Please don't sto-," Minho moaned out, and Felix didn't intend to. His eyes were squeezed shut, chasing his high and indulging the weight of Felix's body on his. 

"I got you. You're doing so good, babe," Felix mumbled against his skin. 

He didn't expect him to use that old pet name for him. Minho arched up against him, pulling at his hair with a groan before tensing up and spilling into his pants. A broken moan of his name left his lips, and Minho pulled him up and into a needy kiss, panting against his lips. Felix kissed back fiercely, and Chan was gone the next time he looked up. Minho caught his breath before giggling softly and rubbing his face. "I can't believe you just did that in front of the fucking window." 

Felix smirked and planted a tiny kiss on his nose. "You're so pretty," he told him adoringly, and Minho blushed a little. 

"Stop it. I’ve been a mess lately," he chuckled. 

"I mean it," he assured him. 

Minho kissed Felix's lips softly, making the younger one moan. His hands traveled down his back and squeezed his bum. Felix melted against him with a soft groan and looked at him, eyes filled with need. "You want to do this properly for once?" 

Felix nodded quickly before frowning. "I uhm…I never..." 

"Me neither, but I'm fine with it," he assured him, and Felix jumped up quickly, pulling him with him to his bed. 

"Do you mind doing this without a condom?" he asked. 

"Do you?" he gave back, and they nodded in agreement. "But I have to clean up first. You made a mess of me." 

"Wait here," Felix giggled. 

Not much later, Minho was on his back, and Felix was straddling his lap. Their clothes were scattered across the floor, and Felix had pulled the curtains closed, turning on the lights instead. Felix leaned down, kissing him passionately as Minho's hands traveled down his body. He reached out for the bottle of lube. "May I?" he asked. 

"Please," Felix nodded and buried his face in Minho's neck as he started preparing him. "Oh fuck," he breathed out as Minho opened him up one finger at a time. Felix took deep breaths and relaxed as he adjusted to the amazing feeling. Soon enough, Minho found himself four fingers in and Felix was breathless. "I forgot how skilled you are with your fingers- a-ah," he broke off with a moan as Minho's fingers brushed against his prostate. 

Minho smirked and buried his hand in his hair, pulling him back and making him look in his eyes. "Huh, I forgot how easy you fall apart in my hands," he said and grinned succeedingly as Felix shivered above him, eyes rolling back as he poked at his prostate again. 

Not much later, Felix was riding him, slowly working out a rhythm that felt good for both of them. Felix stopped suddenly and closed his eyes before shaking his head. 

"What's wrong?" Minho asked gently and swallowed at the guilt clouded in his eyes. Did he regret it already? 

"Chan saw," he whispered. 

"What?" he asked, confused. 

"He just walked in suddenly and stood in the doorway right as you…Min, I'm sorry, I should've told you," he said nervously. 

Minho blinked, comprehending the information just shared, before shaking his head. "I don't care," he said and laughed weakly. "I actually don't care if he saw us or not." 

"Don't you think he'll be pissed?" he asked. 

"Let him be," he nodded. "I'm not his boyfriend, I never was. He has no right claiming me as his own, Felix. I can do whatever I want," he said, and for the first time, he actually believed it. "I've been patient for long enough, and he never made a move. Right now, he fucking lost me." 

Felix stared at him for a long moment. "That's the first time you’ve said that and I actually believe you." 

"It's the first time I believe it myself," he said, grabbing his hips. Felix squeaked, surprised as Minho flipped them over, hovering over him now. "And right now, I really don't care about him either. I have you here." 

Felix's lips parted a little. "Don't you think we would've been amazing together in another life?" 

Minho smiled gently. "Perhaps," he nodded and cupped his face. "I'll always be here; however you need me. You know that, right?" 

"I know," he nodded. "The same thing goes for you Min. Now move before I really lose my mind," he giggled and lifted his head up to meet his lips. 

Minho let him as he pulled out a little and thrust right back in. He worked out a rhythm that drew sweet moans and deep groans from Felix's throat. His hands found Felix's, and he pinned them down next to his head, fingers intertwining. Felix was chasing his lips whenever he pulled away to catch his breath, and Minho remembered how needy for physical reassurance he could get. Minho was moving slowly and gently, drawing the moment out as long as he could. Their kisses grew more passionate with every passing minute, and Felix wrapped his legs around his waist, pulling him in deeper. 

Felix was a little overwhelmed right now. It wasn't like Changbin and Hyunjin weren't loving or gentle with him. He and Changbin didn't have sex often due to their busy schedules, which always included fleeting moments of desperate passion. Hyunjin loved to tease and help Felix explore what he liked and what he didn't. But Minho…Minho was making love to him. He'd always been gentle and caring and knew when to push which button. Today was no different, still. How he moved on top of him, held his hands, and kissed him with so much love felt different. 

Minho met his eyes, and his heart skipped a beat at the expression in Felix's bright eyes. A deep longing mixed up with pure love and adoration stole his breath for a moment. "My beautiful sunshine," he whispered, and tears brimmed Felix's eyes. Minho gently caressed his cheek. "Are you okay?" 

"That's the first time you called me yours," he whispered, not trusting his voice right now. 

"Oh, I…I'm sorry," Minho stammered but relaxed as Felix chuckled. 

"This might be selfish, but I don't mind Chan being an asshole if this is what I get for it," he said, and Minho couldn't help but laugh. 

"You're an idiot," he said fondly before kissing him again and thrusting in deep and slow, hitting every sweet spot just right. 

Felix shivered beneath him, his now free hand shooting up into his hair. He moaned needily into the kiss, and after a few more thrusts, he felt his stomach flip. "Min, I'm close," he told him. 

"Go on, I got you," he told him, and Felix smashed their lips together before pulling away with a broken moan of his name. Minho watched his face as he stumbled over the edge, admiring how effortlessly beautiful he was. For a fleeting moment, he wondered if that was what Chan thought about him. He chased his own high, moaning sweetly as Felix pulled him in close and clenched around him. It didn’t take long for him to stumble over the edge and fill him up.

“God, you’re amazing, baby,” he said, and Minho’s throat tightened.

“You too,” he whispered, trying not to think of Chan saying those exact same words so often before. 

Later, when Felix was asleep next to him, Minho still couldn’t sleep. He was thinking about the time he had shared with Felix in the past and today. He wondered if this had been a mistake or if he was actually alright with it. And somehow, he couldn’t stop thinking about Chan and the fact he saw them. Minho closed his eyes and felt his throat tightening, wondering if he just destroyed the mere chance of them forgiving each other and working this out. Before he knew it, he was up on his feet and leaving the room.

Minho closed the door quietly and stumbled down the hallway to his room. Tears brimmed his eyes, and he couldn't see clearly anymore. A sharp pain shot through his chest, and his throat tightened painfully. He clutched his chest, unable to breathe, and fumbled the door open, stumbling inside. Minho grabbed the desk in front of him tightly and leaned forward with a groan before realizing in panic that this wasn't where his damn desk was located. Only Chan had it this close to the door. How the hell had he walked into the opposite direction? "Fuck, no," he pressed out, frustrated, and straightened up, bracing himself on the wall to find his way back outside. Someone pulled him back, and Minho found himself pressed against Chan's chest, his arms wrapped around him from behind. "No," he whined. 

"Shh, Min, you'll wake everyone up going outside like that," he said gently and closed his door again. 

Minho was breathing heavily, still feeling like the air wouldn't reach his lungs. "I can't breathe," he said panicked. "Chan, I can't -." 

Chan held him in his arms and made Minho lie down on his bed, climbing on top of him. Minho squirmed beneath him, protesting against it and hitting him forcefully against the chest. 

"What the fuck?!" Minho shouted at him, and Chan quickly covered his mouth, which only fed his panic. He started kicking, and Chan groaned at the impact on his body. 

"Fucks sake, Minho I'm trying to help!" he snapped at him, and Minho stopped kicking. He carefully pulled his hand off his mouth and swallowed hard at the tears running down his face. "It’s okay, you’re okay Min" he said gently, resting his hands next to his head. "I'll lie down on you now, okay?" 

Minho pressed his lips together tightly before nodding. Now, he understood what Chan was trying to do. Minho needed to be held down, feel some weight on top of him to feel grounded again when he was too far gone already, and Chan was the only one who knew about it. He exhaled softly as Chan put his full weight on him, making himself heavier than he was. 

Chan felt his heart race against his chest and very gently fondled his knuckles. "Take deep breaths, Min, you can do it," he encouraged him. 

Minho tried his best and felt his chest opening up slowly again. He closed his eyes and tried to ignore how good it felt to have Chan so close again. He tried to ignore his familiar, comforting scent and warmth. He tried to ignore the way Chan's hands felt in his, his hair tickling his neck and his heartbeat against his chest. But he failed miserably. "Please get off me," he whispered more so to himself than Chan. When Chan didn't react immediately, he squirmed. He started pushing again as hot tears made their way down his cheeks. 

"Hey, hey, relax," he told him and moaned softly as Minho's hand hit his chest again, pushing him off. "Minho, please," he told him firmly, already on his way to give him space. 

Minho sat up, panting, and stared at him before burying his face in his hands, sobbing quietly. "I'm so sorry," he whimpered. 

"Don't be," he told him gently and sat down in front of him. "You panicked, it's okay." 

Minho shook his head firmly. "That's not what I meant," he said, looking up with pained eyes. "I…I just had sex with Felix." 

Chan nodded, already knowing of it. "Him giving you a handjob can hardly be-."

"No, Chan, I just…I just came inside of him," he said, and Chan's face fell. "We did have sex." 

Chan audibly swallowed and closed his eyes briefly. "Okay," he whispered. 

"Okay?!" Minho asked in shock. 

"I'm not mad at you," he told him, and Minho's eyes filled with tears again. "Un-Unless, that's what you want?" he asked anxiously, not knowing what was going on in his head. 

"I said I wouldn't care about what you'd think," he said and closed his eyes, shaking his head. "I was never officially yours in the first place, so why would I keep on pretending I was?" Chan swallowed hard, not knowing what to say. "And it's true, I never was your boyfriend…but I still care about you," he said and sucked in a sharp breath. 

"Why Felix?" Chan asked quietly. "I thought you were done being the second choice for him." 

"You think he's my first choice?" he asked sadly, and Chan's eyes clouded with pain. "Felix always felt safe, no matter what, that's why. We knew what we were getting into, and that was fine." 

"Sounds complicated," he said. 

"Why do you even care?" Minho asked tiredly. "How am I any different from your one-night stands?" 

"What?" he asked, frowning. "Min, I fucking lo-," he stopped himself abruptly and Minho nodded. 

"You can't even say it now that it's real, can you?" he asked quietly, and Chan contorted his face. "It used to be one of the first things you said to me every damn morning for years now. You're so scared of the consequences that you’ll deny everything. You can't even allow yourself to tell me you love me." 

"I'm the leader of this group, I can't afford to get kicked out because of some dating amongst members drama," he said firmly. 

"We were never dating, though, were we? You weren't ready to label our relationship, and I should've stopped it all months ago," Minho said and swallowed hard. "Don't act like I said something wrong. We've never been a couple. You never called me your boyfriend. How is that any different from what Felix and I just did?" 

"That's not fair," Chan shook his head. 

"Calling me all those things and acting like I forced you into a situationship is not fair. Denying almost a year of shared intimacy isn't fair. Promising me to fight for us but not being brave enough to say those three little words isn't fair," he told him and saw Chan's firm expression falter. 

"Min," he tried softly. 

"Look, we’ve been having fun. And the fun has been amazing…but I want more. I want to be close to you in every single way, not just in bed or when we’re alone. You have to figure out what you want and quickly because I won’t wait around much longer Chan,” he told him quietly. "But anyways, I'm sorry for bursting in like that, I didn't know where I was going and-." He tried to change the subject, but his eyes widened as Chan suddenly moved forward and kissed him hard on the mouth. He shoved him off and panted softly. "What are you doing?" he whispered. 

"That's what I want," he said, pointing at him. "I want you, Min." 

"I got that," he nodded. "But that's not enough, not like that." 

"Please, give me a chance to explain. We can talk about this," he pleaded. 

"Not tonight, alright?" he asked, and Chan nodded reluctantly. Minho got up and looked at him for another moment. "Good night, Chan. Thanks for helping me out."

"Of course," Chan nodded and watched him leave.

Minho stood still in the hallway for a moment, fingertips pressed against his lips. What the hell was he doing? 

Chp. 8 | Chp. 10

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