#these thoughts also probably aren’t making sense i’m tired

[zorbs]

so i don’t have energy to make link click posts this week but my thoughts are in the tags. spoilers included

[nnight-dances]

REPETITION / RARE LOVE

pairings: kim mingyu x fem!reader (ft. yoon jeonghan)

genre: fluff, angst, suggestive & sexual content

tropes: best friends to lovers, idiots to lovers (except mingyu's the only idiot), pining, flirting

warnings: explicit language, banter, alcohol consumption, borderline jeonghan slander but it's okay because i would die for the man, has been proofread by me once but only barely. kazuha (le sserafim) is your roommate, huh yunjin is present.

WHAT TO EXPECT

it's simple enough: you and mingyu are perfect for each other. you've told him as much but after years of him avoiding the topic, you leave him alone. but when your long-time infatuation with jeonghan gets rejected, you have nothing to distract you from your desire to be with mingyu. all it takes is you making out with the wrong person and a can of beer for mingyu to come to his senses. (about 11k)

OR: maybe you don't hate repetition as much as you claim to.

SEQUEL OUT NOW!

“why are men on tinder actually vile?” you question out loud, not quite expecting an answer as your eyes continue to read the offensive opener you’d received from a recent match. mingyu, who’s crouched on the desk across from you, frowns.

“y/n, we’re meant to be studying,” he points out, “but also i thought you were over tinder?”

you look at him blankly, “i am! i just gotta finish what i started you know…”

mingyu looks deeply disappointed in you and you slide your phone across to him, “look at this message i just got! it’s disgusting! i don’t need to know if someone’s wet at the thought of—”

“god, y/n, do you have to scream?” he asks as he takes hold of your phone, busying his fingers probably with blocking the guy. you momentarily look back at your screen where the black document meant to be the outline for your final art history paper taunts you.

you sigh, looking down at your phone when mingyu returns it. “i paused your account and deleted the app.” you sigh yet again, “man! if you were gonna uninstall it without my permission you should’ve just deleted my account.”

“you’d just make another one anyway,” he shrugs, “plus, this way when you go back you’ll remember why you left in the first place.”

you grumble something under your breath but resume your attempts at writing. mingyu smiles a little as he goes back to his own work. a beat passes before, he puts his pen down again and when he sees you’re staring at your screen distantly, he asks, “did you talk to jeonghan yet?”

you gasp at the mention of your years-old crush, glancing around you as if you weren’t in a private study room (because apparently the only way either of you could get anything done was while talking to each other). “what?” mingyu continues, “one of us had to address the elephant in the room.”

“wow, you’re just the worst friend ever, aren’t you? it’s like you can’t read rooms at all. i clearly did not want to talk about jeonghan.”

“well, now you are. so you might as well be honest with me. did you think about confessing to him?”

you deflate, stomach suddenly uneasy, “no. i don’t think i will. i don’t need him to know.”

“you kinda do. y/n, look at me,” mingyu knocks on the wood to demand your attention, “it’s the only way you’ll ever have an answer.”

“i don't want an answer.”

“…”

"because i'm going to move on from him!"

"..."

“okay, well, i’m starting to! just watch me, okay? i have the agency to not be completely consumed by my very shallow attraction to a very attractive and impressive man.”

“right. you just used attractive twice in a sentence— and no, i don’t care if it wasn’t the same form of the word, you absolutely hate redundant things. and yet, you refuse to recognize the way out of this pattern of yours.”

“you are so tiring, mingyu, you know that? exhausting, even. i don’t want to do this anymore.” you shake your head at him, suddenly invigorated to finish this damn preliminary proposal of yours.

—

yunjin cackles as she plops down across from you in the dining hall, finding you scrolling ever so dedicatedly on pinterest. “what’s this?”

you look up at her with a pout, “i need a dress for hoshi’s little party. it’s in two weeks and i have zero options.”

“fuck, i knew i was forgetting something,” she grimaces in her typical huh yunjin way and shifts closer, “i need to find something for that too. can’t just wear a corset and call it day since he’s labelling it a formal and whatnot.”

“he really is the worst,” you agree, pausing to muse over a pretty white dress with red roses all over it. “hmm, what about this one?”

yunjin tilts her head and nods as she looks between you and the dress, probably imagining you in it. then, you sigh, “it’s just i don’t think red is my color like that.”

you’re about to elaborate when you hear a gasp from behind you, “that is simply not true!” you don’t have time to react when a figure slides in next to you. goddamnit, it’s jeonghan, you realize, trying hard to keep it together when his shoulder comes to sit next to yours. “you absolutely fucking rock the color red.”

“i do?” is all you can muster as yunjin chokes out a badly covered laugh. you glare at her, “what’s funny, jen?”

“hah, nothing, i agree with jeonghan, you’d look lovely in red.”

you frown, unconvinced as you scroll some more, feeling dizzy from jeonghan’s presence.

“preparing for hoshi’s party i presume?” jeonghan asks and you nod. “i’m so stressed, i have nothing and it’s approaching so fast.”

“you have time though,” he reassures but you’re quick to protest, “i’m not going to have any time next week because we’re organizing that night flea market. i’ll be running around campus so i need to take a trip this week.” the beauty of going to a college with an isolated campus: peace and you gotta plan every time you leave campus because there’s a singular bus that takes you to the city. it’d be a whole day trip for you if not for mingyu, who thankfully has a car that he can drive.

“ahh, tell me when you’re going into the city, y/n,” yunjin pats you, “i gotta go too.”

you nod and then remember, “right of course, i just remembered kazuha saying she wanted to come too.”

“nice,” yunjin approves, “we need all the opinions we can get. did you get mingyu to agree to drive you yet?”

“i texted him earlier but he hasn’t replied, which is slightly concerning because he may not know how to spell but he does write back very fast.”

jeonghan chuckles, “mind if i join you guys too?”

you stop in your tracks, turning to face him, “you wanna come shopping with us?”

he nods, that sweet smile of his plastered across his face, “yeah, i could use a new formal outfit. i’m tired of wearing the same black suit to everything.” he nudges your side, “plus, you guys could help me out. i can never decide on anything all alone.”

—

“maybe i should just not go,” you groan with your head in your hands. mingyu rolls his eyes, slapping your back, “why would not go? if your problem’s with jeonghan, he should be the one to stay back. not you.”

you sit back up, staring at the eggs in your plate. beside you, mingyu chugs his glass of orange juice, and you lean against him. “god, i hate him so much. do you wanna go see if the playground’s free?”

“right now?” mingyu looks at the time. it’s 11 am on saturday, still an hour from the time everyone agreed to meet in front of mingyu’s car, which is conveniently parked right across from the playground. as if following your line of thought, he grins, “alright. but you finish your food first.”

you sigh, “okay, mom, i will.”

five minutes later find you racing mingyu for the best swing in the playground— months of visiting the place had taught you the first swing was the only one that didn’t creak too loud and experienced the least amount of bumps during the ride. mingyu’s fast but you’re stubborn so you reach out for his arm midway, sticking your nails into the skin, knowing how dramatic he is about these things.

he gasps, “DO NOT CLAW ME.” strong as he might be, he slows down to rip your grip off. you seize the opportunity, getting a headstart and laugh when you reach the swing before him, sitting down firmly before mingyu can pull you away.

“that’s cheating, y/n, you know it!”

“hey, you’re the one that has an advantage. you go to the gym like eight times a week. i go like thrice a month.”

“sounds like someone’s lazy and whiny to me.”

you smile, “someone lazy wouldn’t win that race. and you’re the one that’s whining,” you point to his stance, his arms at his hips like an affronted toddler. he loosens his body with a pout as he walks over to the second swing. “whatever.”

time passes a little too fast for you two when you’re fighting like this because kazuha’s running over to you, breathless. “y/n! what are you guys doing?”

“zuha, hi! did you—”

“yep, i got your lip gloss.”

you chuckle, throwing your arms around her, “why are you the best roommate ever?”

mingyu scoffs, “what about you being the worst roommate ever?”

kazuha laughs, too nice to agree with him, “hey, that’s not true.” you hit him in the side, “you’re just jealous that you’re in a single. i guess money really does make people lonely.”

“i’d go for a double even if i was that rich,” jeonghan’s voice pops up from beside you. he sure has a knack for appearing out of thin air. “i couldn’t handle being alone.”

“not everyone can love themselves as much as i do,” mingyu shrugs, smugly as crosses his arms. “i’m self-sufficient like that.”

“if you guys are done, we should start moving,” comes yunjin’s voice from near mingyu’s car, “it’s already fifteen past 12.”

“i call shotgun!” yunjin shouts and you’re quick to fight back, “no way, i already called it.”

“if i didn’t hear it, then it doesn’t count,” she teases, leaning against the passenger side. you glare at mingyu, “i called it in front of mingyu! the driver is the one that counts.”

mingyu laughs at the petty fight, “y/n did call it earlier this morning.”

“that’s not fair! mingyu’s obviously going to take y/n’s side, you guys spend every breathing minute together. the rest of us don’t stand a chance.”

you smirk, “don’t be a sore loser, huh yunjin, you can call it when we’re coming back. if you remember to.”

“i hate you,” she mutters as everyone settles into the car.

“i’m open to music requests, dear friends,” you announce once you’ve started off. “but i reserve the right to reject any tasteless songs.”

“isn’t this the textbook example of a tyranny?” jeonghan breathes and you shoot him a look over your shoulder, “hey, the power comes with the seat. it’s natural selection.”

mingyu groans through laughter, “you know you don’t make any sense. just play some music.”

you roll your eyes, “he says as he laughs his fat ass off.”

“she’s just salty my ass is fatter than hers,” he mutters under his breath. the three in the backseat break into laughs at that, all at your expense as you gape at them. such betrayal.

“i don’t know why i call you friends. you’re monsters.”

kazuha pipes in, “y/n, are you calling your sweet roommate a monster right now?”

jeonghan is quick to join in, “honestly, i’d say kazuha is the nicest friend among us here.”

“fine, everyone but zuha’s out to get me right now.” the screaming continues for a little bit longer until yunjin and kazuha tire themselves out and pass out. you chuckle when you look at them, yunjin’s head bobs in the middle of the three until it hits kazuha’s shoulder, whose head then rests on top.

swiftly, you pull out your phone camera and capture the moment, sure to tease them later. as you’re clicking the photos, jeonghan’s face sticks into the corner with a sneaky grin and you shift the angle to include him. enjoying the attention, he shoots the camera a peace sign, followed by a little heart, and then a cheek heart and now he’s a bunny and then—

you pull yourself away abruptly with a shaky laugh, “god, jeonghan, this isn’t a photoshoot.”

he laughs back, “ha ha, sorry, i can’t help myself. it’s so fun to tease you like this.”

you feel the blood rush to your face at that, so you turn to face the road completely, a weak, “fuck off” on your tongue. mingyu silently observes the interaction, not without a little side-eye that you don’t know what to think of. “you should get some rest, y/n, you didn’t sleep last night.”

you frown, surprised mingyu knows that and you don’t get to ask him why he knows that because jeonghan interrupts, “you guys sure are close. i was talking to hoshi the other day, he misses y’all a lot.”

“he does? he can just come talk to us whenever though,” mingyu replies, doubt tracing his tone. “i don’t think we’re exclusive like that.”

“right?” you agree, “we used to be so close to hoshi, too, and then he moved to the other side of campus this semester and now i have like one class with him.”

“i don’t know,” jeonghan says, “you should talk to him about it, but there’s always been something stronger about the two of you together.”

you shrug, “we always end up together. it’s not that deep i think. it’s just how it is.”

the topic ends there as jeonghan agrees and dozes off himself too. you, however, feel eerily awake. awake? no, more like unsettled. something in your nerves is off and you feel on edge. you’re a little spaced out after that, as you finally reach the city circle with all the shops crowded next to each other with a little mall in the center.

as everyone gets off and gathers their things, mingyu pulls you aside with a concerned look, “are you okay, y/n?” his grip on your elbow grounds you a little. you inhale, knowing better than to pretend in front of him, “yeah, just a little uneasy. i don’t know why. probably just tired.”

mingyu looks like he knows something more about your condition, “are you sure? we can take a break at one of the restaurants before shopping if you want?”

“nah, i’m okay, don’t worry. i’m a strong girl,” you smile, reasurring him with a pat to his chest, “i feel better now. thanks, mingyu.”

he frowns, hand loosening against your skin, “you never thank me, weirdo. don’t be so formal.”

“man, there’s no winning with you, is there?”

he chuckles as he pulls you after the others, “no, i’m insatiable.”

—

an hour into shopping, you realize why you hate doing this. everything is so overwhelming when you’re in the city, so many people, so many clothes. at least you have friends with you as you scan racks after racks, ending up with three potential dresses on your arm. you mutter a prayer in your head that you can find something nice here so you don’t have to walk more. this is already your third store.

the first one is a classic: a little black dress. it’s satin so it sits smooth against your skin and feels soft when you twirl around. it’s a little short for your liking, perhaps too tight against your ass. you turn to the side to get a better look. you take a photo and send it to mingyu, who you’d been going back and forth with. he’d last sent you a photo ten minutes ago: him in a stupid minion onesie. you’d cursed him out real well in response telling him to stop fucking around. he writes back fast.

big gyu: u look good

big gyu: kinda basic tho

you: yea i thought so too

you agree with that, putting the dress aside in case you don’t find anything else at all.

candidate number two is more over the top: a long red dress with little black patterns on it, with a leg slit on one side. getting into it was a whole struggle but you get it on finally. it fits well thanks to the slit which also shows off some skin. you’re hot in it: like literally. the long sleeves don’t help at all. but you look good too, the flare doing wonders for your figure. you pause, sending a photo hoping mingyu would be of help.

however, when mingyu takes longer than a minute to reply, you groan, already sweating a little. concluding that he’s probably changing or something, you peek out your curtain, hoping yunjin was still in the stall next to yours. you call out her name, straining your neck to see if there was anyone else you could ask for help.

you spot jeonghan walking around the shelves near the fitting rooms and before you can hesitate to call him over, he notices your head poking out. he raises an eyebrow, sending your heartbeat into a spiral. “y/n? do you need help?”

you clear your throat, “um, yeah, i need a second opinion on this dress.” jeonghan approaches your corner and you panic when he reaches for the curtain to draw it back. his eyes question you, “can i look?” you let go of it to let him in, a tiny little rational part of you wondering he needed to come inside the room to see.

“ohhh,” he exclaims as he takes you in, “you look amazing. told ya red was your color.”

you turn away from him a little, “this dress is hot.”

“it sure is,” he agrees and you blush harder, “no i meant, like literally. i’m so hot right now.”

jeonghan presses his lips together, giving away the fact that he understands but being the little bitch he is, he chooses the option that makes you wanna combust. he presses two fingers to your cheek and mumbles, “yeah, you are.”

you push his arm off, “yoon jeonghan! you’re such a damn flirt! get out of here.” you force him out of your space and he’s uncontrollably laughing as he lets you. “i’ve another dress to try so wait outside for me.”

“sure you don’t need a hand changing—”

“no, thank you very much!” you scream, greeted with more pleased chuckling. your phone buzzes, catching your attention. you lean down to look at it.

big gyu: niceee thats hot

big gyu: u should get this dress

big gyu: pls

big gyu: pls

you: …girl why are u begging me

big gyu: because.

big gyu: you’re getting this dress right

you: no i’d die of overheating in it

big gyu: and it’d be worht it

you: i dont like how enthusiastic u are about this...

you: wtv this one's rejected.

you: i still have another dress to try

you put your phone down to try the final dress. this one was a purple slip dress with white flower detailing. it was skin tight against your boobs and a little transparent, giving away your black bra underneath. and to contrast, it sat a little loose on your hips which was honestly not the worst look, keeping from the dress becoming too scandalous. you enjoyed this dress the most so far. that was enough, given the track record.

“you done, y/n?” you’re startled when the voice outside is mingyu’s instead of jeonghan. you pull back the curtains in confusion, “gyu? what’re you doing here?” mingyu stops short, “fuck, i like this one.” you flush a little when you notice his eyes settle on your chest for a beat too long. “that’s stunning, for real.”

you laugh. “look at you using big words. but yeah, i think this is the one.” you look over at him, “did jeonghan leave?”

“um, yeah, he said he had to use the washroom when i ran into him on the way,” he mumbles. you nod, a little relieved because you think you’d die if he saw you right now. “anyway, i’m offended you were showing him your dresses and then all i got was a photo.”

“hey, you were taking so long to reply that i had seek someone else out. he just happened to be her.”

mingyu ignores that and tells you to hurry up, “i need your help choosing something for myself.”

“ugh, alright, give me five.”

in the end, you decided you’d get both the classic black dress and the slip dress, you needed more dresses in general. wouldn’t hurt to have more. when you’re done checking out, you find mingyu in conversation with kazuha who’s smiling with a shopping bag in her hands.

“zuha, you get anything?” you ask. she nods eagerly, “yeah! i got this pink dress that jeonghan helped me find just now. it’s really pretty, i’ll show you later in the room.”

you falter a little at that, glancing at mingyu who’d told you he went to the washroom. ignoring the growing unsettling gut feeling, you inform her you’d found something too. “nice, we should have a try-on in the room later.”

“you guys!!” yunjin joins the group, “this is insane. i hit the jackpot and found the sexiest green dress ever.” you laugh, linking arms with her, “you should come over later and try it on with us.”

“ah, the beauty of womanhood,” mingyu grumbles beside you, and you shove him. “you’re not invited, pervert.”

his jaw falls open, “excuse me? what did you just call me?”

you press an index finger into his bicep, “don’t think i didn’t notice you checking my boobs out earlier.” mingyu’s cheek redden at the light-hearted accusation, worsening when jeonghan appears right at the climax of the argument.

“okay, okay, first of all, i wasn’t checking anything out!” he complains, “and-and well, they—”

jeonghan cuts him off, patting his back with an amused smirk, “it’s alright, buddy, it happens to the best of us.” everyone laughs at that, much to mingyu’s chagrin who then becomes pouty for the rest of the walk to the next shop.

“c’mon,” you pull him into the store, “my turn to stare at your tits.”

“god, would you drop it?” he groans as he follows you in. “it won’t happen again.”

you giggle, “it’s okay with me, gyu, because that just means the girls look good.”

he groans again, “i really don’t need to be a part of this.” he wanders off into the store, embarrassed. you let him go, looking at clothes for him separately. turns out shopping for mingyu is harder than the concept of it sounds. it doesn’t help that he’s an expert at criticizing the small detail in every item you choose for him. half an hour later, you’re tired of him.

as if on cue, kazuha calls you to tell you to come over to an asian restaurant nearby to grab lunch. you thank the lords as you pull mingyu away, “there’s nothing here for me anyway,” he grumbles as you meet up with the rest.

entering the restaurant, you spot kazuha and jeonghan at a table nearby. yunjin’s still on her way it turns out as you sit across from them, heart in throat for the worst reason possible: you’re jealous. you may be down bad for jeonghan but that doesn’t mean you’ve lost your ability to take a hint. trying to keep the thought from completely forming in your head, you make conversation with everyone, wanting to be better than this.

you want to avoid thinking about it so you’re quick to shut jeonghan off. he’s his usual self, joking around with everyone but he picks up when you’re not as receptive as usual. you hope he just thinks nothing of it, but you know that’s not possible when he approaches you after lunch as everyone else is washing up in the bathroom.

you’re outside alone, waiting, when he slightly pushes your shoulder to draw your attention. you gasp lightly. “jeonghan?”

“can i talk to you for a sec?”

you frown, “yeah, you’re talking to me right now.”

“come on, y/n, don’t be cold. let’s go for a walk.”

“but, the others—”

“i let mingyu know we’ll be back in a few.”

out of excuses, you silently follow jeonghan’s stride through the busy street. he makes conversation really well, easing you up in no time as he distracts you from what was on your mind. it’s illegal how smoothly he then proceeds to drop the act.

you’re laughing about what he’d said about hoshi’s drinking habits just now, when he suddenly goes serious, “i think i like kazuha.”

you freeze up at that, fighting the frown that itches closer, looking at him like you didn’t hear him. heart’s out of control right now, but at least you were already expecting this outcome. “huh?”

“sorry, i just thought you should know. i’m really into her and i was planning to ask her out sometime this week.”

you would love to pass away right now. immediately, you think you hate jeonghan for doing this to you. it’s clear from his behavior that he knows you like him and that he’s apologizing— he’s rejecting you before you have a chance to confess. he likes kazuha. he’s going to ask her out. you should know that.

you sputter awkwardly, “that’s great! good for you, jeonghan. and um, you really didn’t have to tell me. i’m sure kazuha would love to be with you.”

you never want to speak a word to anyone ever again and you're sweating ever so profusely, so you speed up a little, “and we should get going, no?”

sensing your mood, jeonghan follows along but says, “i’m sorry, y/n. i- i know you…”

you don’t let him finish because it would genuinely kill you to hear him say he knows you like him. “you don’t have to be sorry.” with that, you essentially leave your body. you move fast enough to reach the car, wordlessly getting into the passenger seat and yunjin somehow knows better than to fight you.

the car ride back is filled with music. not much chatter. you realize it’s partly your fault and silently dread being back in the room with kazuha, but to your relief, when you reach she doesn’t bring anything up. you’re too tired to do a try-on like you promised and when mingyu asks if you want to come over to his place, you tell him you’re feeling sleepy. and for once, you actually sleep after telling him that.

sleep is not as much of a comfort as you’d hope for it to be: less of an escape, more jeonghan-themed content. something about heartbreak and living the rest of your life, lovelessly.

—

the next week starts off hectic and you’re thankful for it this once. you could use the chaos of organizing an event to take your mind off things. a small part of you wonders if jeonghan was being merciful by letting you down and timing it so well. knowing him, that doesn’t seem so impossible.

you feel better than you’d imagined you would. you cried like once since the rejection. you didn’t need to worry much at this point, having realizing that it was less important that you’d made it out to be. mingyu, on the other hand, doesn’t give up his worrying, especially when he doesn’t see you until three days into the week. and that, too, because he gave up and thought it would be a good idea to invade your room, at one in the night.

his knocking wakes you up fairly quickly, since you’d only put your phone down a few minutes ago. you rush to the door, afraid of waking kazuha up. “what the fuck, mingyu?” you ask at the sight of him.

“what the fuck yourself! stop ignoring my messages maybe?”

you groan, stepping outside your room, feeling the cold air hit you in your night clothes. “why’d you have to confront me so late at night? can we do this tomorrow? when i’m coherent and not half-naked?”

mingyu falter as if he just realized the time, noticing your tank top and shorts. “i don’t care. i’ll give you my jacket but we’re doing this right here and right now.”

you sigh, knowing this was coming. “forget it, keep your jacket. i’ll go change and be right back.”

mingyu grabs your arm when you try to go back inside, “how do i know you’re not just gonna leave me here to die?”

“dude, my room’s right here. you can come watch me change if you fucking want.”

he lets you go, flustered when you offer and you laugh as you rush back in. in the darkness, kazuha’s voice startles you, “y/n? is everything okay? are you being abducted?”

“oh god, zuha, you scared me. and no, it’s just stupid little mingyu who wants to have a talk. i’ll settle this. go back to sleep.”

she groans, “god, you guys are just like my parents sometimes.”

you laugh at that as you slip into a hoodie and exchange your shorts for pajamas. when you return, mingyu’s sitting at the stairs in front of your room and you hit him in the back.

“ouch! fuck you!” he stands up with a glare, “also i heard what you said about me. why am i stupid and little? can you just choose one insult?"

“let’s go down if we’re gonna argue. zuha can hear us, too. and did you hear what she said after that?” when he seems clueless, you go on, “she said we remind her of her parents sometimes.”

he coughs, “her parents?? what are we, married?”

you roll your eyes, “married and sick of each other, apparently.”

“being zuha’s parents doesn’t sound so bad honestly. she’d be the easiest child to raise.”

“i feel like zuha would raise you if you were her father,” you laugh, “me too, probably.”

“who’d be the father then?”

your smile falls when an answer occurs to you, you mumble, “jeonghan,” sitting at a bench outside your dorm. mingyu joins you, equally solemn now.

“did something happen between you two?”

“yeah. he rejected me when we went shopping that day.”

mingyu’s eyes widen, “what? you confessed?”

you shake your head, a strained smile, “he already knew. i guess i was obvious, but it’s still driving me insane that he rejected me without even giving me a chance to confess.”

“i can’t believe he did that. that’s conceited as fuck.”

“conceited or impressive, i can’t decide. but he told me likes kazuha and that he’s sorry. i genuinely wanted to die when he said that. he was cool about breaking my heart, too. lowkey fell a little harder for him.” you laugh at your own joke, but mingyu looks unhappy, jaw clenched like he’d tasted something bitter.

you hit his arm, “it’s not a big deal, dude. i was thinking about it the past few days and i realized i barely knew the guy. i just knew what he told me over the last year.”

after a pause, “and he’s one beautiful man, so there was that.” you smile a little.

“but he didn’t have to do it like that. he could just stop flirting with you, you know, or wait for you to come around and confess like a normal person,” mingyu says, “he’s such a little jerk.”

“hey, it’s okay, a little flirting didn’t hurt anyone.”

“yeah but he was leading you on, leaving you in ambiguity by doing that. he should’ve been flirting with kazuha, not you.”

“okay, now that’s starting to hurt,” you whine, pressing your forehead against his shoulder, “but i can’t really blame him, no? kazuha’s so precious.”

“don’t be like that, y/n.”

“what? be like what?” you look up, “didn’t you also used to be into kazuha?”

mingyu bites his lip when you bring his years-old crush up, “when will you forget about that? that was so long ago and it was barely serious. she’s too nice to be my type.” (what does that even mean? you wonder but don't have the time to ask.)

“sure, you didn’t want to change residence halls to be closer to her?”

“alright, how many times do i tell you that i did that because of you? why do you never believe me?”

“it just makes more sense the other way,” you mumble, suddenly feeling teary-eyed and hating that you were feeling teary-eyed, which only intensified the teariness in your eyes. “god, this is stupid.”

mingyu’s arm is around in no time when he notices you curling up, your lip tucked between your lips in anticipation, “hey, hey, c'mon, i thought you said it wasn't a big deal. so how come you're crying?"

“because! i feel lame. and because kazuha’s perfect, by the way. she’d probably cry too if she knew i was crying.”

he pulls you closer, “you’re not lame, y/n. you think i’d keep you around so long if i didn’t think you were insanely cool?”

you breathe through your tears, “you just keep me around because i’m insane?”

“insanely cool! open your ears, idiot.”

“you just called me an idiot. idiots are pretty lame.”

he sighs when he feels his tshirt get damper, your body so weak under his hold. he pats your hair softly, “sorry, that’s not what i meant. but seriously, y/n, you know i’m bad at saying this stuff but i seriously cannot stress enough how highly i think of you.” his hand moves to rub your back, “and you’re so much more than perfect, you know? like sometimes you don’t do a paper till three hours before and still get an A. and then, you come up with comebacks to my arguments in your own unique ways, and trust me, nobody can argue with me like you do.”

you pull away, “all right, now you’re embarrassing me. why do i sound like a bossy nerd or something?”

“you can be that at times. hey, but you forgot the part where you’re hot as shit. and also pretty.”

“i feel like that last part was an afterthought, mingyu,” you bite back a laugh, “you really only keep me around for my tits, don’t you?”

“dude, can you let me wholesome for once? i’m trying to console you, so would you stop playing devil’s advocate?”

“sorry, i’m just,” you hesitate with a heavy sigh and then, you blurt out, "i’m scared i’ll never fall in love. i’ll never find it at all.”

“now that’s some stupid thoughts you’re having,” mingyu shakes you by the shoulders, “you’ve just been blinded by your crush on jeonghan for so long that you haven’t explored anyone else at all.”

“are you volunteering to be my crush right now?” you ask, jokingly.

mingyu’s smirk catches you off-guard, “what if i am? it wouldn’t be the worst thing if i was your boyfriend.”

you feel yourself heating up a little for some reason, head in a daze from his earlier shower of compliments and now this. so instead of trying to make sense of it all, you press yourself into him in a hug. “yeah, it wouldn’t.”

—

“hoshi, you little shit!” you throw yourself around the guy when you spot him on the night of the flea market, the product of a long and actually insane week. he laughs when he realizes it’s you, pulling you into a hug, “bro, y/n, why is this my first time seeing in you in literal years?”

“i don’t know, i just kinda see you walking around sometimes. maybe if you actually showed up to econ class, i’d see you more.”

hoshi flinches, “you can’t be bringing econ up right now. that class is kicking my ass. i can’t keep showing up to that kind of humiliation.”

the two of you catch up at last, as people swarm around the different stalls set up along the college street. you were relieved after having finished this damn event. cheers to sleep, right?

hoshi tells you all about his new situationship with a guy in another class and how he’s regretting inviting him to the party tomorrow night. “why? believe it or not, people are more fun when drunk.”

hoshi rolls his eyes, “yeah, well, i couldn’t get any more fun. so instead i become incontrollable. an absolute animal.”

“right, i remember that. so you’re scared you’re gonna drive him off? i wouldn’t worry honestly. and if you want, i can keep you in check.”

he narrows his eyes in distrust, “you? you’re not much better than me drunk, okay? i feel bad for mingyu who’s gonna have to take care of you the whole time.”

you gasp, “wow, you’re taking mingyu’s side now? over mine? i thought we had something special.”

“you thought wrong,” comes mingyu out of nowhere, slinging his arm around hoshi’s shoulders.

“why are you here suddenly?” hoshi looks between the two of you, “i couldn’t not come to an event my lovely y/n herself planned, could i?”

hoshi laughs, “nice to see you two as jolly as ever. but also i must take your leave. i gotta go grab dinner soon.”

“hey, why don’t you come with us? we were gonna check out the new outlet the college opened.”

“oh, i would love to but i have plans with someone already.”

you nod your head in realization, “right of course, have fun. not too much, though. leave some for tomorrow.” he leaves with a full-toothed smile and you face mingyu.

he playfully pinches your cheek, “you confront him about missing us yet?”

you raise a shoulder in response, and as the flea market starts to fizzle out thanks to the darkening sky, your stomach grumbles. “let’s eat, please.”

ever since that night— you don’t want to say anything had changed between you and mingyu because your friendship had been long enough that even the slightest shift in dynamics would harmoniously just become the new status quo; the two of you had been through a lot together. but ever since that night, you’d been fooling around with him more, if that was possible.

it was along the lines of: less banter, more flirting? although one might argue that the former was just a derivative of the other. but semantics aside, this is what you know to be true: friends flirt with each other all the damn time.

that’s what you’re telling yourself when mingyu asks you to feed him some of the fried rice you’d gotten on your plate. and it was true: you’re almost a 100% certain that you’d flirted with every friend of yours, and that was just how it worked.

but intimacy came differently to everyone and mingyu’s just manifested in clinginess. he was pressed to your side for the entirety of dinner, and you couldn’t complain about the proximity. it was welcome, even, this form of friendship.

“you’re thinking too hard.” mingyu’s voice pulls you out of your little reflection session. “what’re you even thinking about? you should be all burnt out from all the work you did this past week.”

“i am,” you affirm, “but some things just don’t let up.”

he chuckles, patting your head affectionately as if to persuade your thoughts to let up for a while. it doesn’t help really, only gravitating the direction of the said thoughts toward kim mingyu even more.

“maybe repetition isn’t as bad as i always make it out to be,” you say, chin propped up against your fist on the table. mingyu had chosen a corner table of the newly opened eatery, next to a low window that glowed behind you in the remains of sunset as he shifted to completely face you. the sun had finally set. again.

“you’re right. routine is good for people.”

“but it doesn’t have to stay the same forever, you know?”

“hm?” mingyu can’t help but feel like you’re edging toward some underlying topic. you were like this since he could remember: you’d start off with some abstract and vaguely relevant concept (that had no doubt been plaguing you for a long time) and slowly circle around till he caught onto what you meant. you love playing games with him.

“repetition doesn't have to be redundant? i think there's something more subtle about it.”

he doesn’t know where you’re going with this, “but repetition is literally the same thing over and over?”

“yeah, but the ‘same thing’ itself can evolve,” your fingers knock against his, “i don’t know, i was just thinking about… us.”

“us? i guess we would be a good example of repetition.”

your gaze falls from his to find your hand instead, your fingers wrapping around his wrist until you’ve forced his palm open. his hand in your lap upside down, you pull at the fingers, “yeah, but we’ve changed a lot. for one, we fight a lot less. sometimes when i’m going to tell you a thought, you understand mid-sentence what i mean.”

“yeah, well, that’s what we get for knowing each that long. but really, what’s this about, y/n?” he captures your hand in his expertly, pulling your attention back to his face.

“do you ever think we should be more?”

mingyu breathes a laugh at that, a shiver running down his spine when he spots the solemn look on your face. and then, his smile turns grave. “y/n, we’ve talked about this before, haven’t we?”

“have we? every time i’m the one who brings it up and you kinda just shrug it off. no, don’t even try to argue with me. you shrug the serious stuff off. always.”

it’s true, mingyu admits in defeat, mind racing as he considers why you’re bringing this up now. the answer is easy: you were finally available. but he doesn’t say it out loud, like he never does. you’d confronted him about the state of your friendship before, unafraid to wonder out loud what it would be like if you started dating. you’ve received all forms of shut-downs from mingyu before so you figured you were the only one in an ambiguous place about your feelings for him.

if someone was to ask if you like mingyu, you’d probably say yes, but it’s more than that. you know better than to blindly fall for him. witnessing him in his relationships before, you know he can be ruthlessly cold to his partner once he’s out of love. you practice romantic love for mingyu: carefully because too much would definitely be dangerous.

“i have my reasons, y/n.” there it is. the strict mingyu. the rigidity in setting his boundaries was something you admired and aspired for when he exhibited it in the past. right now, you want to punch him.

you’re without a filter with him so it’s unfair when he treats you like this. you let him know as much: “i want to punch you right now. i’ve hidden nothing from you, and yet, there’s this wall you keep yourself behind. is this really one-sided?”

mingyu doesn’t know what to do with you right now, “y/n, why are you—”

“no, because it's not like i can't take a hint. so one minute you're flirting with me and then, you push me away like right now,” you point to his estranged fingers, “but then you act like nothing happened and go right back to being all intimate and touchy.”

“i just…” mingyu lets out an exasperated sigh, “i just don’t see the reason for labels. why do we have force ourselves into a restriction like that? we’ve always been above conforming.”

it’s your turn to sigh heavy enough your head hits the wall behind you. wasn’t this just his way of friend-zoning you back into silence? you’ve always been too embarrassed to push him this far because you don’t mean to hurt him. but you feel as though you’ve hurt yourself long enough now.

“so why’d you say that the other night? that it would be nice if you were my boyfriend?”

this leaves him speechless for a few beats and you continue, “that was just because i was heartbroken from jeonghan? you’re playing prince charming for me so i can go back to being your trusty little best friend?”

“y/n, you know that’s not true. i’m not playing anything in your life. i’m just being myself.”

you scoff, “you really are so fucking—”

“why are we actually fighting right now?” mingyu asks through an incredulous laugh, “this is actually so petty, dude, let’s stop. you know i love you, right?”

mingyu’s last resort makes its presence: a non-committal i love you. because at the end of the day, you’re still best friends. what was a little ‘i love you’ in today’s economy? nothing. especially when you’d hear him throw the phrase around all the time.

you stand up in defeat, “fine, let’s stop. you win.” you gesture for him to move to the side and he does so reluctantly when you glare at him like you’re genuinely mad. (you are.)

he follows you out the door, catching your elbow to slow you down. “don’t be like this. i know you’re mad at me.”

“i’m not mad. i'm tired and i just want to go back to my room,” you seethe, walking faster than him. he grabs hold of your shoulder turning you around.

“if you’re gonna storm off, at least go the right way.” you huff softly and let him steer you the right way to your dorm, hands still on you. you spend the way to the front of your room silently, waiting for mingyu to say something but he just does what he does best: take care of you.

as you reach the door of your room, he pauses, apologetic smile on display. “listen, let’s talk more tomorrow? get some sleep.” he reaches for your hair, tenderly running his fingers through the locks. there it is: the soft mingyu, his eyes wide as he stares you down for signs of stress.

his warm arm pressed againsts yours, you realize you don’t want him to just leave. you know the drill: tomorrow morning, he’ll text you to meet for lunch and everything will go back to being unsaid. maybe he’ll bring along seungcheol so you don’t bring anything up again. either way, it’ll be so natural you’ll think nothing ever happened. but you want something to happen.

so your hand settles around his bicep to hold on and partly to keep him in place. you lean in, “let me do one last thing and if you want to stop, i’m never bringing this up again. i promise.”

you don’t give mingyu a moment to react to your words and instead raise yourself up to his level, other hand on his chest, and press your lips to his. you kiss mingyu after the thirteen years that you’ve known him and the ten that you’ve wanted to. you counted the years just as you count the seconds that it takes for him to come to his senses and pull himself away.

he looks less upset than you imagined: more dazed. like he can’t believe what you’ve done. he looks at you with his lips parted and you have to tear your gaze apart, lest you should tear yourself apart with longing.

“y/n, i…” he looks away and that’s enough evidence you need. you step away from him, your easy smile back in its place, not before you pat his arm as it falls from you.

“it's okay. i understand. let’s be friends, mingyu,” you declare suddenly, catching him off-guard. you'd pulled all the stops and if he genuinely was uncomfortable with pushing the line between platonic and romantic, you would respect that.

he begins to say something but you don’t want to hear him speak, at least not right now when the sound of blood rushing to your head is the loudest it's ever been, and you certainly don’t want to falter again. you’ve decided. “good night."

—

mingyu should feel relieved. he really should be happy that you’re back to normal around him, friendly and playful like you’ve always been. he should count his blessings that you’ve accepted the status of your relationship with him as it is. but as he falls asleep that night, all that comes to his mind is the smile you’d sported as you asked to be friends.

it was all wrong: your lips against his, that was something of his dreams, not a reality he has to be escaping from. it replays in his head, your scent that he’d caught a whiff of now and then, whenever you’d wrap your arms around him. the heat of your skin he’d rationalize as the comforting presence of a friend for days later.

he’ll soon come to know how insanely stupid he’s being right now but until you knock some sense into him, he simply plays along with a sting he hides pretty well. he should, he’s been doing it for years now.

it’s the night of hoshi’s party already and he’s walking over to the location of the pregame, alone because according to a text fifteen minutes ago, you’re still not ready. you’d invited yunjin and some other friends to your and kazuha’s abode to apparently make the process easier, but if mingyu knows anything about the group, you’ve probably spent more time selecting the right song to play than get ready.

the door to dino and hoshi’s shared residence is already open as he strolls in, finding a group already on the floor, taking shots. he makes eye contact with jeonghan who beckons him closer and mingyu takes a seat next to him.

space is scarce so mingyu finds his arm pressed uncomfortably close to jeonghan’s, who oohs at mingyu’s fit, “ooh, you look positively sexy.”

mingyu grimaces, “do you have to put it like that?” he does look … positively sexy, mingyu admits, in the navy blue shirt he wore but— and here’s the punchline— with the buttons undone all the way to right above his navel.

“where’s y/n, by the way?” jeonghan asks, an eye at the entrance as he slides a shot glass toward mingyu. the question irks mingyu for obvious reasons and he keeps him waiting for a minute, waiting to down the liquid in glass (vodka unfortunately for his throat) to answer him. “um, she’s still getting ready. any minute now.”

“ha, that means she’ll be another ten. that’s a shame, i was hoping to pour her first shot.” jeonghan shrugs resentfully.

maybe the alcohol’s working faster since it’s been a while for mingyu, but his mouth runs faster than his head, “why’d you care? i thought you asked kazuha out a while ago.”

jeonghan raises a brow at that, “hmm. i did. but things did not work out so well. what with kazuha feeling guilty about y/n and… well, i also…”

“feel guilty?” mingyu asks, voice strained. he’s annoyed at having to listen to jeonghan’s side of the story. he could not care less about humanizing him and whatnot. he’s watched you suffer for far too long to be empathetic right now.

“yeah. and i thought i might like y/n, too, after all.” jeonghan says it so casually as if discussing his performance in a particularly challenging college course, not his feelings for a person who he’d recently rejected.

the word might pierces mingyu’s ears. the uncertainty behind it is in such stark contrast to his own… feelings toward you that he genuinely feels his breath heat up.

or maybe that’s just jeonghan when he leans over to refill his glass. “drink up, buddy.” mingyu’s just about ready to make a scene right now, shoving jeonghan’s hand off his back but suddenly jeonghan’s standing up, making his way to—

you. you’re here.

almost as soon as he catches sight of you, he looks away, pretending to give the vodka in his hand all the attention in the world, as he puts his lips to it and empties it. head is now light. that’s probably enough for now, he decides as he puts his glass down.

when he looks back up, you’re at the kitchen counter with yunjin and kazuha.. and jeonghan, who’s grinning as he hands out the bottles of fireball to the group, no doubt marketing it so convincingly that you’d think you came up with the idea yourself.

mingyu shoots to his feet, regretting it when his vision darkens but he pushes past, eyes focused on your figure— god, he forgot how hot you look in that dress. he tries to keep his thoughts in check as he approaches you, but it doesn’t help that your makeup’s even more meticulous than usual, eyes glittering and lips delightfully glossy.

he breaks into the space between you and jeonghan, arm against yours, catching your attention.

“my guy!!” you exclaim when you see him and then your eyes trail down to his chest and then back up to his face where his hair sits parted with the help of some gel. “you look like a slut. i love it.”

mingyu laughs, subjecting you to a similar once-over, “you’re one to talk.” your hair’s back in a bun of sorts, a rare occurrence because you seem to prefer have it around your face. he can’t help but pause at your exposed collarbones, the gold shadow you applied there earlier doing wonders to his already dazed headspace.

“is it already that part of the night where mingyu starts hitting on everyone?” yunjin complains, reserving the alternate version of her question (something along the lines of how impolitely he’d been eye-fucking you in front of everyone) for some other time as she nudges you to open the fireball in your hands.

you do so, looking at jeonghan who offers one to mingyu, which he refuses as he leans against the counter, hand silently at your back just in case. “you’re not drinking?” you ask, quietly enough only for the two of you, just in case he wasn’t comfortable sharing.

“nah, i just had two shots of vodka back there. trying not to mix for the sake of me tomorrow,” he mutters, patting your back encouragingly, “but let me know if you need help finishing that.”

jeonghan eyes mingyu on the side as the trio clink their bottles together and get to downing them. later, as things start picking up and more people make their way into the party, mingyu finds your arm. “do you want me to stay close by?” he frames the question in a way that you have an out, because he can tell that you’re still unhappy with him.

but you’re tipsy when your hand interlocks into his, “only if you’re going to dance like you mean it.”

the night goes better than you expect it to, especially since mingyu’s let loose for once. or perhaps… he’s always this carefree when drunk, palms kneading at your waist, keeping you close to his chest, which you try your best to not get too used to touching. he sure knows how to keep you on your toes (sometimes literally) even when wasted because you’re trying not to get too close. for you own sake.

that is until hoshi shows up beside you two, pulling you apart as he introduces you to a friend.. or a partner? you can’t hear in this state and just as you try to lean in closer to hear what he’s saying, you feel a presence at your shoulder, fingers poking you.

you turn to find jeonghan behind you, sloppy smile on his face as he screams something at you. you frown, asking him to repeat himself, hand on his bicep to steady yourself against the movement of the party.

“need to talk to you about something!” his words come at you, clearer. “right now?” you shout back, “what the fuck is it?” your body doesn’t want to stop moving so you groove against his side, and momentarily catching a glimpse mingyu’s heavy gaze on you. you almost completely stop then but jeonghan’s pulling you away, after him to a relatively emptier zone of the house.

you’re breathless, you realize, now that the spell of the music’s been broken. you rest against the damp wall behind you, uncaring as you look around for a liquid to quench your thirst. cunning as ever, jeonghan’s already handing you a plastic cup with a transparent liquid.

you narrow your eyes at him despite how wasted you are. “what’s this?”

he laughs, “i’m glad you’re vigilant as ever. this is water. cold. drink up.”

you comply, your throat throbbing ever so lesser after you’re done and you sigh in relief. “you might have broken my heart but you’re still an angel, jeonghan.”

“ahhh,” he exclaims joining your side against the wall. you frown when you take note of his fingers clasped together, almost fidgeting. yoon jeonghan, fidgety? that’s a first for you.

“actually, that’s what i wanted to talk to you about…”

when mingyu looks away from hoshi and his company to see if you were listening and when he finds out that you’re in fact in jeonghan’s embrace, he’s suddenly sober. and when your eyes find his for a moment, something in them changes and he calls out your name like a warning. but then jeonghan’s already leading you elsewhere.

mingyu wants to follow after you immediately but he realizes hoshi’s still talking to him. “hoshi, bro, can i find you in a while? i gotta make sure y/n’s okay.”

but hoshi stops him in his tracks, hand on his chest, “wait. please tell me you told her…?” he trails off uncertainly as mingyu catches on what he’s saying.

“i haven’t,” he admits, eyes still searching the crowd for you, “but i think it’s time that i do. only so much i can take.”

“that’s the spirit, man! okay, now go kiss y/n for me.” hoshi pushes mingyu with a start, not before the the latter shoots the man a glare and takes off in his search for you.

you’re still in that corner with jeonghan, who’s done narrating the past week’s revelations to you, all about his failed attempts with kazuha and his slow understanding of his real feelings about you. you’re far more unaffected that either of you was expecting, arms crossing in thought.

but then you say, “well, that’s fucking stupid. because i’ve realized i wasn’t as down bad for you as i once thought i was.” jeonghan’s smile falls a little with a disappointed sigh. “but,” you continue, “you know what i’m still curious about?”

when your hand creeps up jeonghan’s shoulder, he thinks he knows where you’re going with this. “i’ve wanted know if you’re really as good at kissing as everyone makes you out to be.” jeonghan’s already moving closer to you, enveloping your face in his hands, and his devilish grin’s spills out as his lips find your ear. “let’s find out?”

and that’s how mingyu finds you wrapped around jeonghan, making out like this was your last day living. and for a moment, he considers giving up and letting you have this. he even stops in his tracks in the crowd, his thoughts so easily drowned out by the music if he just lets go.

but his mind’s reeling when the sight of you kissing someone else just pushes him back a day ago when you were leaning up into him, soft breaths risking your lips against his and the way your body pressed into his just right. his feet move without a thought, then, shouldering through the bodies around the two in the corner.

you’re just pulling away from jeonghan to start to say something about how that wasn’t too bad when his body is lifted away from yours with an unannounced jerk. you gasp and then once again when mingyu’s face comes floating in front of yours.

“mingyu,” you breathe, unsteady from the series of events this past minute, “what the hell do you think you’re doing?”

“what the fuck are you doing?!” he screams in your face, hands on both arms to keep you from moving. jeonghan’s walking to your side and you want to say something to apologize but you’re far too infuriated with the man in front of you to think.

“i don’t know! trying to get laid? finding happiness? love?!” you scream back with as much force. you call out jeonghan’s name, “i’m sorry. mingyu’s too drunk to—”

“jeonghan,” warns mingyu when the guy tries to break you free from his embrace, “can i have a minute with y/n.” it isn't a question.

jeonghan has the nerve to say, “maybe not. i wouldn’t leave you alone with her in this state.”

“oh, she’ll be just fine,” he replies and jeonghan simply looks at you for confirmation. but you’re still looking at mingyu, starting to tear up, head throbbing all at once. you stop fighting against his grip and mumble in defeat, “whatever.”

“if you’re going to lecture me about being bad, i don’t really want to hear it.” you’re back next to the kitchen counters with mingyu beside you. slowly, you sit yourself up on the surface, feeling exhausted. “i’ve heard it before.”

“no, that’s not what i’m doing. i just want you to stop and think clearly—”

you groan when you hear the beginnings of a typical you’ll regret this in the morning type talk, you slide off the counter and to your delight, you run into a guy holding up a can of beer for the taking. you’re quick to jump at it, grabbing it up from him and pulling the tab of the can open. just as you put the beer to your lips, ready to chug it, you feel it being pulled away, the next few moments occuring before you can comprehend anything.

suddenly you’re sitting back on the counter and your dress rides up when you feel mingyu push himself in between your legs. at first, you see his face close on yours and then the taste of beer meets your throat. no, it’s not just beer— it’s mingyu. his tongue spills onto yours, beer mixing with saliva and when you try to pull away, his hand at your neck tightens. you sit up straight and you feel his watch digging into your spine.

your head spins when you can finally breathe, inhaling only to cough out. heart in your throat, you look at mingyu in disbelief, “what the fuck!” but he’s already taking another sip of the beer and some of it slides down your throat into your dress, when his mouth finds yours again.

you’re weak in his arms, and the heat between your legs is only so rational. so you find yourself giving in and kissing him back when the liquid runs out, nails finding his scalp, earning you a deep groan that vibrates against your chest. that’s when he pulls away again, eyes finally meeting yours with an unprecedented intensity.

he leans in again, wet kiss against your cheek, followed by a grunted whisper of, “i love you so fucking much, y/n. it’s so hard to watch you run around with other men.”

you want to think you’re hearing things but mingyu doesn’t let you, another kiss right in the nape of your neck that sends shudders down your back. “i want to be yours so fucking bad. want to spoil you like you deserve.”

you swallow against the moan that rises in your throat, to pull mingyu’s face back to your eye-level, “then why aren’t you mine? why’d you push me away?” your voice breaks, betraying the pretense of indifference you try to prop up. his eyes soften, fingers brushing against your forehead.

his lips quiver and he sighs defeatedly. it’s a miracle you can hear him with all that noise around you. but you hear him clear as day against your hair when he finally says, “i’m scared. of loving you too much, of being too much. and i’m scared of losing you.”

mingyu’s imagined telling you these exact words before and how you’d react to them infinite times before but when you giggle into his collarbone, he pulls away with a blank look. your forehead is against his all over again and for the second time night you say, “that’s fucking stupid! if you were going to lose me, it would’ve happened a while ago.”

of all the things he’d imagine you saying in response, this was the simplest option, so unlike your usual overthinking self. maybe it’s the alcohol and adrenaline in your system speaking but mingyu somehow feels comforted, because maybe it really is that simple. it would’ve happened if it was going to. or maybe mingyu’s too drunk to make sense of it all right now.

so his lips are moving against yours once again, without warning, your breath all his when his arms tighten once against around you. you’re laugh grounds him enough to break away. you open your mouth to complain about the distance when mingyu’s back against your skin.

“shut the fuck up,” he groans, the command making you hotter than you’d like to admit. your legs close around his ass, pulling him closer and his hand slips across your boobs. the friction of his palm against the tight fabric of your dress makes you let out an undignified moan into mingyu.

that’s when he knows he needs to take you to somewhere more private for reasons more than one. you’re too lightheaded to move yourself so mingyu’s carrying out the house without a word anyone you two came with. it’s only when the cold air hits you that you realize you’re outside.

you struggle against mingyu until you're back on your feet and stop. “where are we going? i’m— do i know you, mister guy?” for a second, mingyu’s heart sinks when he wonders if you thought you were just making out with a stranger. then, you say, “i need to go back and find mingyu. gotta kiss him.”

ignoring the blush that colors his face, he grabs hold of your elbow, “i am mingyu, idiot. and we’re going to my room.” you shake your head to clear your vision, eyes widening when you recognize him. your hand finds his face with a light laugh, “ah! it’s my big guy.” the name doesn’t help mingyu’s condition at all, so he’s pulling you after him faster than before.

back at the party, kazuha starts panic when she realizes she’s lost hold of you, unable to locate you anywhere within the party. she tugs at yunjin’s sleeve who looks over in concern, “what happened to y/n? i can’t find her anywhere.” yunjin laughs at that, covering her mouth with her hand. “don’t worry about her. i saw her and mingyu leave together earlier. she’s probably in heaven by now, if i’m right.”

“hmm?” kazuha pauses as a thought pops up into her head, “wait… did they…?” yunjin grins knowingly, “yup. it really was high time they fucked.” the former lets out a satisfied giggle, “i know. they were so obvious without even being together. i was getting tired.”

“you were getting tired?!” you gasp at mingyu later in the night, panting against his pillow. you’re on your back and he throws you a tshirt of his to sleep in now that your dress is… demolished. you look at it sadly out of the corner of your eye. “i really liked that dress,” you whine, as he picks the remains of it up with a somewhat smug grin, “planned to wear it out again.”

“i couldn’t risk that. you looked too good in it,” he chuckles to himself as he jumps into bed with you. you sit up, feigning anger as you slip the cotton over your head, warming up when the smell of mingyu greets you. “i don’t know if i could resist seeing your tits out like that.”

you hit his chest hard with a lighthearted scoff, “i knew it! you’re such a pervert. not just a pervert, you’re also a brute.” you groan as you rub your thighs together gingerly. mingyu props himself up, pulling you down into a hug, rubbing your back. “sorry, does it hurt a lot?”

“it’ll hurt more in the morning,” you relax in his arms, pressing a loving kiss into his hair, “should’ve known you went so rough. asshole.” you giggle when he pulls away in disbelief at the last insult.

“how could you—!” you roll away from him, laughing. he shifts closer, caging you against the wall behind you, “hey, you can’t say stuff like fuck i knew you’d have a big dick and then expect me to go all vanilla! do you know what that does to a guy?”

you shriek in embarrassment, “don’t bring that up now!” your ears redden when mingyu forces you by the chin to look up at him. “besides, where do you think the nicknames like big gyu and big guy came from?”

mingyu’s jaw falls open at the revelation and you break out into a fit of laughter at his mindblown expression. “how- how long have you been thinking about my di-”

you hit him to stop him, “ever since you kept pushing me away,” you run a hand down his side, sly grin on your swollen lips, “and i had to come up with something if i wanted to get myself off alone.”

with an exasperated groan, he falls against you, suffocating you as his body goes limp above yours. you let out a gasp when you feel him hardening against your leg and he speaks into your neck, “you’re seriously telling me i’ve been missing out on taking you like this for… for how long now?”

you kiss his cheek, hand slipping down his boxers with a soft exhale, “a while. and if you hadn’t come to your senses today… well, i’d all but given up on you today. when jeonghan kissed me, i was just going to—”

suddenly your breath escapes you, mingyu’s hand around your throat and his lips on yours with a loud grunt. he stops your hand in its movements, “please tell me you’re not talking about jeonghan while— fuck!” he gasps when you bite his lower lip to protest his hand on yours. his hand gives way and you’re palming the tent in his boxers again, pushing him down against the bed, so thankful he doesn’t have a rooommate in times like this.

you place a kiss at the corner of his lips and trail down his chest, shirt long gone, before muttering, “forgive me?”

—

AUTHOR'S NOTE:

i really want to write a more wholesome ending but have not the time or energy right now, so i'll be back with a shorter spin-off/ epilogue of sorts about how you and mingyu as a couple work out, how your friends react, some skinship, etc.

anyway, this is my official announcement that i've become a baby carat :] didn't know how much i was missing out on before svt so this is very fun. so far, jeonghan's my favorite little guy, although as is clear from this... mingyu makes me do things. on the roster are: minghao and joshua. hopefully there will be more svt fics in the future. no promises <3 goodbye friends and foes!!

[dokries]

always for you (my heart beats)

pairing: hong jisoo (joshua) x gender neutral reader

genre: fluff, comfort

word count: 875

warnings: some crying, passing mention of food near the end, reader not feeling well

author note: hi ! this is another repost, so if you’ve seen it, you probably have :D this is also very self indulgent but. i want a joshua :(

masterlist

it isn’t until you step into your shared apartment and slump down on the couch, tossing aside your things on the floor with a loud thud, that you feel the sheer exhaustion set into your bones.

you sigh, wiping your face with your hands before pushing the heels of your palms into your eyes.

today is not your day, to say the least. the drink you bought in the morning had found its way onto your clothes, and though you brushed it off with a weary smile when the barista apologized furiously, you’re just so tired. you don’t know why either, considering you got a decent amount of sleep last night.

lost in your thoughts, you don’t notice the sound of the key turning in the front door’s lock, and joshua making his way over to you.

“darling? are you alright?” he asks, squatting down and gently moving your hands away from your eyes, that are…tearing up? huh. when did the tears start rolling down your face?

“–y love. my love?” noticing that you aren’t paying attention to his words, joshua takes your face into his hands, slowly wiping your cheeks with his thumbs; the pads of his fingers are warm against your skin.

“darling, is anyone in there?” he says jokingly. you hum a reply, not having the energy to form words.

he frowns at your response (or lack thereof) before getting up to sit beside your defeated form. without saying anything, he takes your hands into his before squeezing gently, rubbing calming circles with his thumbs. his bangs fall into his eyes, and you notice how disheveled his appearance is. did he run here on his way home from work?

you aren’t unfamiliar with the sixth sense joshua seems to have when it comes to you feeling unwell. on days you feel off, he often grabs you a drink or small trinket from the shop close by on his way home, only saying that he felt as if you needed a pick-me-up, as if he just knows.

you don’t know how long you stare at that mote of dust in his left eyebrow before your voice comes out in a hoarse whisper. “i’m sorry.”

joshua immediately pulls you into himself, stroking the top of your head. “no, no, you don’t need to apologize to me ever, especially when you feel like this. no apologies in our relationship.”

his chest is warm against your head and you’re suddenly surrounded by his steady heartbeat, keeping him alive. you find yourself wondering if your heart beats as steady as his, even though you’re crumbling in his comforting arms. as his hands rub soothing shapes into your back, you focus on breathing, using the way joshua’s chest slowly rises and falls as an example.

after an eternity, or maybe just two minutes, joshua pushes you back slightly so that your back rests against the couch and he can see your face again.

“wanna talk about it?” he asks softly. you know joshua would never push you to talk if you didn’t want to but you feel like maybe it would help; you know he did it often when he was upset. if it worked for him, maybe it would for you too?

mustering up the energy to speak, you shake your head. “just had a bad day, shua. it just–it felt like nothing was going my way today.” you pause before your boyfriend nods for you to continue, softly grabbing your hands again. “this week has been so hectic, you know? for both of us.”

he smiles softly before bringing your hand up to his mouth, and places a small kiss on the side of it.

“yeah…you’re right. is there anything i can do for you today though?” he nudges your knee for an answer.

you speak hesitantly. “can you…let me listen to your heartbeat?” you see him raise an eyebrow and you rush to continue, face growing warm. “i—i was more calm when i heard it. it’s like, hearing your heartbeat grounds me because i know you’re alive, and i’m alive with you,” you finish, looking down at your intertwined hands.

you hear joshua let out a low breath and look up at his wide eyed expression as he kisses you on the cheek before moving back from your face slightly, your noses almost touching. his tone warm, he calls your name gently. “of course. you can always hear my heart beat, as it beats for you.”

you giggle a little at his slightly very corny line and at his goofy grin, knowing he’s just trying to cheer you up. you move towards joshua’s chest, his arms wrapping around you once more.

you close your eyes, savouring the warmth of being hugged by him, and listen to his heart beat, just for you.

soon enough, you fall asleep and joshua lifts you up slowly before moving you to your bed and wishing you sweet dreams with a peck on the forehead. when you wake up, he’ll make soup is what he plans in his head, as he moves to sit down on the couch.

a small smile creeps up on his face as he puts his hand to his heart. the one beats for you, always.

[rayshippouuchiha]

TBH the lack of Real Respect Tsuna and Skull both get makes me wanna see ‘em just… Vanish. They aren’t hurt, or in trouble, but they both end up tired as hell and want like. One (1) year to themselves, without being called shit like useless or lackey or weak. So they fuck off and onto some whimsical journey across the world, probably running into the fair folk or some shit (because Tsuna’s Super Anxiety would make him a damn hard target for them, and I feel like they’d just Vibe with Skull. Immortal and all that).

Meanwhile, everyone back in Namimori is losing. their. shit. Trying to find their two dumbasses, flipping every damn stone over because they’ve Clearly been kidnapped. No One notices the note Tsuna and Skull left, because Skull still isn’t the best at writing and Tsuna’s Super Anxiety kicked in and said that if he wrote it he’d never get his goddamn vacation.

To clarify, this is meant to be (mostly) humorous, but I’m curious to see where you’d go with an idea like this. I just want Skull and Tsuna to travel the world together TBH. Feel like they’d make good brothers.

Oh oh yes. Obviously there'll be humor but, well, it's me and we all know how these things eat my brain and I have to give them some bite so:

Skull isn't really one of Arcobaleno that Tsuna generally spends much time with.

When it comes to the Strongest, the ones Tsuna's found himself spending the most time with has always been Reborn and, surprisingly enough, Fon.

Reborn is around more often than not, content to keep torturing Tsuna even if his official title has shifted from Demon Tutor to Demon Tutor/Advisor.

And Fon's tendency to stop by frequently can be chalked up to I-pin and the fact that, for some reason, the Storm seems to be under the impression that hanging around Tsuna will, somehow, help him grow closer to Hibari.

Which is something that doesn't really make much sense to Tsuna. Even after years of being dragged into and out of various ridiculous shenanigans together, and despite recent Hibari's tendency to commandeer Tsuna's bed or floor or balcony at random times to nap, Tsuna's still not convinced that Hibari actually remembers he exists whenever they're not in the same room together.

And sometimes not even then.

A part of Tsuna also suspects that the "Small Animal" title he carries now might just be Hibari's way of getting around the fact that he doesn't remember Tsuna's actual name anymore.

It is, much like most everything else involving Hibari and Tsuna's thoughts about him, confusing and difficult for Tsuna to make up his mind about.

So, besides Reborn's continued sadism and Fon regularly attempting to use Tsuna as some kind of emotional Switzerland and/or human sacrifice to Hibari, Tsuna tends to see the other Arcobaleno on a bit of a floating schedule.

Viper, as Reborn has taken to insisting everyone outside of the Varia call the Mist, tends to blip in and out every once in a while. Often bringing news from Xanxus and leaving with anything strawberry flavored in Tsuna's house and whatever money he might have in his wallet at the moment.

Lal Mirch and Colonello tend to arrive and depart together, attached at the hip now no matter how much they bicker.

Verde's version of checking in seems to come in the form of sending whatever new robot or nightmare construct he's thought of to attack Tsuna and "gather data".

But Skull?

Tsuna rarely sees Skull.

The Cloud floats in and out of town only rarely and never stays longer than absolutely necessary. Often times he's gone within the hour.

Which is, in Tsuna's opinion, actually kind of a shame.

Because the thing is, Tsuna actually likes Skull.

Oh, he hadn't a few years ago when they'd first come across each other.

No back then Tsuna had hated each new and increasingly ridiculous trap/trick/shenanigan and situation Reborn had managed to push him into.

Skull had just been another irritation on a rapidly increasing list of things Tsuna hadn't wanted to deal with.

But ,,,

Well, it hadn't taken Tsuna long to realize that Skull and he were much more alike than he'd ever thought possible back at the beginning.

And now, with a few years of Reborn and this mafia headache under his belt?

Now Skull's someone that Tsuna wouldn't actually mind seeing more of.

Even though he knows it's not likely to happen.

Mainly because Tsuna's not actually a complete idiot no matter what some people still seem to think.

Tsuna's seen enough interactions between Reborn and Skull to have a pretty good idea about where some of the chips in that relationship fall.

Plus Hyper Intuition is helpful for more than just life-or-death battles these days even if Tsuna's not made that fact as openly obvious as he might once have.

It's yet another area in which Tsuna's found he can sympathize with Skull.

Because Tsuna also has a hyper-violent sadist he half wishes he could care less about sometimes.

Which is why Tsuna's so surprised to see a familiar pair of leather-clad legs dangling over the edge of the roof when he steps out onto his balcony, desperate to escape the screaming and general chaos that has once again taken over his house.

Tsuna goes to call out only for that familiar flare of warning heat to snap his mouth closed.

Instead Tsuna does something that he wouldn't have been able to a few short years ago.

He reaches up, grabs the edge of his roof in one hand, and pulls himself up onto the tiles above him.

When he's kneeling on the roof a few seconds later Tsuna finds himself glad that he didn't make too much noise, glad that he didn't draw any attention to Skull.

Because Skull's currently laid out on Tsuna's roof, legs dangling over the side but arms pillowed behind his head, helmet settled at his hip and eyes trained on the night sky and face almost eerily blank.

It is, Tsuna can't help but think, the quietest he's ever seen Skull.

It's honestly a little unsettling.

But, worst of all somehow in Tsuna's opinion, is the fact that Skull looks ,,, tired.

He doesn't even bother to greet Tsuna beyond flicking those vibrant violet eyes in his direction before going back to his star gazing.

To Tsuna, Skull has never looked more like everything he was taught a Cloud is supposed to be than in this moment.

Cold.

Illusive.

Bound to drift away.

The thought sends a shiver of premonition down Tsuna's spine.

Tsuna finds himself laying down on the roof beside him, legs dangling over the edge and arms folded behind his head.

Their elbows are just barely brushing.

And all the while a flickering whisper in the back of Tsuna's mind sings.

"I'm tired," Tsuna finds himself saying some silent drawn-out minutes later.

A beat of silence.

"Yeah," Skull sighs, voice lower and smoother than Tsuna has ever heard it before, "me too."

"I," Tsuna pauses, swallows, feels his Intuition surge and sharpen, "I love my friends and I know they care too but sometimes I just ,,,"

Tsuna trails off because he knows that Skull understands without him ever having to finish.

"Wish you could go to sleep and wake up on the opposite end of the world so that maybe you could get some rest and peace before they inevitably find you again?" Skull offers.

"Yes," The answer practically bursts out of Tsuna.

Another beat of silence.

"I've got an airship," Skull announces.

Tsuna hears it for the offer it is.

"They'd find us," Tsuna points out softly, twisting just a bit so he's looking Skull in the face. "They'd hunt us down and drag us both back."

The smirk Skull sends him in return is far darker and slyer than any expression Tsuna's ever seen on his face before.

"Oh, malysh nebo," Skull practically purrs, "they could certainly try."

[andromeda-nova-writing]

Can't Get What We Want Without Knowing

Fem!Reader

Summary: Words can have so much meaning behind them and that is before knowing how people will interpret the same word differently. It’s a thing that can make simple concepts much more complicated than anyone could have thought it to be. With the things Wriothesley has gone through ‘I love you’ was a sentence that he would rather never hear.

Words: 3,397

AN: @thesteambird 's Uncommon Acts of Love Event. I love how behind we all were on posting and writing for this event. Love that for us lol.

This fic touches on Wriothesley's past and briefly discusses the murder of his adoptive parents. It also goes into the trauma his adoptive parents have caused. If that feels too heavy for you to read at the moment, I recommend you look at The Honor of Trying Not to Step on Your Foot or A Sticky Situation. Both are Fluffy fics that do not approach this topic.

Beta read by @swordfish-ii, @milkstore. Thank you so much for looking over this fic. I appreciate it. Thank you to @paimonial-rage for doing my final check on one of the paragraphs I struggled more with. The three of y'all are the best!!!

Y/N walked into Wriothesley’s office. Her movements were tired and slow. Working a shift on the surface before directly coming to the fortress to work a second took a lot out of her. It wasn't common that she would work back-to-back shifts. She knew her limits. She held on tightly to the staircase rail as she made her way up the stairs. 

“Are you in here Ri?” She called out as she went up only to see him sitting at his desk highly focused on the documents in front of him. Knowing him, it was probably accounting paperwork for the fortress he was working on.

He looked up. “I thought you would have left already.” He had only seen her once today which wasn't for long. He was only in the Infirmary to grab some paperwork from Sigewinne real fast. They didn't even get a chance to talk as she was working with a patient. 

“I got caught up with something. Ended up staying past when I was supposed to leave today.” She could feel her eyes droop. A yawn took over her. She took her jacket off and threw it on the empty coffee table.

“I can arrange to have someone take you home if you like.” He offered.

She shook her head before moving close to him and taking his lap as her seat. “Just let me sit here till you are done.” She laid her head on his shoulder and closed her eyes.

“I’m working.”

“Work around me. I missed you.”

He sighed. “You can't be serious right now.” He looked down at her. She looked so peaceful cozying up on him. “You know I have a couch in my office for a reason.” He couldn’t bring himself to peel her off of him.

“The couch isn't you. I didn't miss the couch.”

He tried to hide his smile with a sigh. “You are really something else right now.”

“I’m just tired. That’s all.”

“I know that. That’s why you should lie down somewhere comfortable and not sit on me. I wouldn’t want to interrupt your rest just cause I have to work.” He tried to appeal to her sense of reason. 

“I made sure to leave your writing hand free. You're interrupting my rest by talking to me right now.”

“This can't be comfortable.” Even though for him it felt extremely comfortable to have her curled up on him. How much he just wanted to give into this.

“Oh, it's very comfortable.”

“What happens when I'm done working?” It was the only opening Wriothesley was giving her to convince him out of his work. 

“Just let me nap here for a moment. Figure that out later.” She really was just tired.

“You could just go sleep in my bed.” He offered. “It can't be that comfortable lying up on me while I'm dressed like this. At least let me take some of all these metal bits off of me.”

“I won’t fall for your tricks to get me up.” She lifted her head off his shoulder and moved her arms around his neck. “You aren’t getting rid of me right now.” She kissed his cheek before laying her head back down partially on his shoulder and her arm.

He rolled his eyes. “Is there really nothing I can do here to get you to sleep somewhere comfortable?”

“Accept fate. It’s late, you can’t be working for that much longer anyway.”

“Did Sigewinne tell you I’ve been up late in here?” He asked trying to find a reason he was being used as a pillow even though she would normally go to sleep on the couch in his office if she needed to rest.

“No. Have you been staying up later than normal?” She lifted her head back up looking at him. “Do I need to tell Sigewinne it's worse than we think it is?” Y/N asked with a raised eyebrow as she looked for bags underneath his eyes. 

He looked away from her gaze. “You know I’ll be up later if I can’t focus.” 

She frowned. “I did say I would just be here asleep on you. You are the one who keeps talking to me. You could have been back to work so long ago Ri.” 

“Look it’s just easier for me to get things done when I can focus with no one else is in the room.” He looked back to see her frowning. “I’m fine with you here. I just need some space. Just give me an hour, I promise I can walk you back home or get you somewhere comfortable to sleep here tonight.”

She sighed before agreeing to his simple request. “Okay. That’s fair I guess. Just an hour?”

“Just an hour. Promise.” He kissed her cheek as a way to seal his promise.

“Can I at least have your coat as a blanket?”

“Sure, if it makes you happy.” His jacket was already on the back of his chair.

She placed a quick peck on his lips. “I love you,” Y/N spoke quickly before grabbing the jacket and moving to the couch in the office to make herself at home. 

Wriothesley froze up on her words. They were said so quickly and casually like it was natural for her. Those words shouldn’t be natural. A horrible thought ran through his head, ‘was she lying?’ 

‘I love you’ was a sentence that Wriothesley would rather never hear. He heard that sentence too many times to count as a child. Even to this day whenever he hears that sentence, he would tense up. It was an issue that he knew solely belonged to him. 

It was easier to hear that sentence when it wasn’t directed at him. When those words or any form of it was spoken to him, all Wriothesley could think of was when he was a child. It brought him back to when he found out what his adoptive parents were really doing. And on the worst days, he could clearly remember those as the first words they used against him as he worked on freeing himself and his adopted siblings. Their ‘I loved you’ was a clear lie they spoke trying to stop him before fighting to keep their lives.

Having the only people who ever said they loved him being the same people he had to kill twisted his feelings on those words.It was all he could associate those words with. Lies and betrayal. It was all he knew behind those words. He gulped down the air caught in his throat before loosening his already loose tie that suddenly felt like it was choking him.

He could have sworn he worked through this already. Shouldn’t admitting that he wished he could have a happy childhood and that he had a load of trust issues from his childhood be enough not to feel this frozen? ‘I love you’ brought him right back to how he felt as a kid hearing those words for the last time.

“You know Ri, for someone who wanted an hour to focus I hear no writing going on over there. Are you such a math genius that you can just do everything in your head?” She stared up at the ceiling as she curled up under his coat.

He looked over at her with unneeded suspicion. Was Y/N lying to him? Was she just saying that she loved him? What could she be doing in the shadows that would come to light? When would she betray him? He knew it was wrong that those questions were going through his head but he couldn’t stop from wondering. The questions just got louder in his mind. ‘Was she lying?’ 

The lack of response filled her with more curiosity than worry. She sat up with a quick yawn before looking at him. “You okay Ri?” It was a question she didn’t think too much about when asking. She was blissfully unaware of the effect her proclamation of love was causing.

The warmth in his face looked drained. Warm eyes she would normally compare to a puppy in his time around her since they began flirting now looked cold and calculating. He didn’t look like her boyfriend. He looked more like the Warden of the Fortress of Meriopide. But even that description felt wrong. His eyes felt darker than that. Something that she didn’t know.

She knew she was safe around him but something about how off he looked made her stay put. “Wriothesley what’s wrong? I know accounting is a lot to deal with but I’ve never seen anyone look like they are about to break a pen over some numbers.” Giving him space while she was assessing the situation felt like the best move.

He looked down at his left hand. She was right. The pen actually spilled ink on his hand as well. “I’m gonna go clean this off.” He got up from behind the desk fast. “I’ll have a guard come get you and take you home.” 

“Wriothesley? What’s going on?” She repeated the question as she got off the couch leaving his jacket behind, beginning to follow him while also trying to keep some distance between the two of them. Concern was fully flooding in her mind.

They literally just agreed on what was to happen less than five minutes ago. He had already had opened the door to his office to let the guards know the new plan. She was shuffled out of his office so fast they didn't get to talk. And with the sound of a lock on his office door as she was standing on the outside sealed any chance of conversation. That was it.

She didn't even get to know what was wrong. It was all she thought about on the long walk home as she moved in silence with one of the guards escorting her. It was just so confusing. It didn’t help that she was rushed out so fast she didn’t even have time to grab her own jacket.

-

It made the next day awkward for her shift at the fortress. Part of her wanted to be petty and angry at being thrown out so suddenly but she couldn't bring herself to it. It all just felt so off. It was hard to be properly upset when things just felt wrong.

It was honestly a miracle that Sigewinne had let her stay in her thoughts so far throughout the morning. She may be curious about how different Humans are from herself but she wasn't oblivious to when a person needed space. It was also what Y/N was trying to do as well. Give Wriothesley some space. He clearly needed it if she got kicked out so suddenly with no explanation. 

There were footsteps entering the infirmary. Y/N knew they couldn’t be Wriothesley’s. His steps were heavy with the weight of his boots and the clank of the clothes as he walked. These steps were much lighter and she could hear heels as well. “Hello girls!” A warm voice greeted.

Y/N looked up from the desk she was giving a quick clean. “What brings you here Navia?” She thought for a moment thinking back at the schedule that was open on Wriothesley’s desk last night. “Wait, you were discussing the optimization of delivery routes for the fortress.”

She sighed. “It was exhausting. I even managed to get a paper cut. We aren’t even done yet.”

“How bad is it?” Sigewinne asked.

“Not too bad. But I needed a break for my sanity.” She looked over at Y/N. “I have no idea what you see in that man. He’s worse to deal with than normal.” She complained.

“He’s still out of it?”

Sigewinne was in the middle of grabbing a band-aid. “I know he wasn’t doing well when I saw him early this morning. I thought you said you hadn’t seen him today.”

Navia came in and sat on the bed. “Did something happen?”

“No, yes, I have no clue.” Y/N let out what she had been holding in. “So yesterday I had a shift above ground and one here. Unplanned, I had a coworker call out sick.” She reminded Sigewinne before she could say anything.

Sigewinne stayed quiet as she brought over the band and a few items to clean the small paper cut.

“So I was tired and a bit clingy. I hadn’t seen him in a few days. I missed him. So instead of going home I went to his office ‘cause it was after dinner, I knew he was going to be in there just doing paperwork.” She explained. “I may have been a tad too clingy but I backed off once he said that all he wanted was an hour to do his work. I gave him a quick kiss, told him that I loved him, took his jacket, and went to get cozy on the couch. I then got kicked out and a guard escorted me home. I still don't even have an explanation for why. He wouldn't even talk to me.”

“That doesn't even make sense of why he's so out of it.” Navia agreed.

Sigewinne finished up with the paper cut on Navia’s finger. “No, it makes complete sense.”

Both of the women raised their eyes looking at each other before turning their confused expressions to Sigewinne.

“He has a hard time when someone tells him that they love him. He doesn’t even like to use the word love.” This was something Sigewinne knew wasn’t her place to explain everything, but it was better than leaving Y/N in the dark. She was one of the few people that he had told his entire thoughts on this too. It took the years of him here and spending time in the infirmary for the two to grow close before he even took up the position he has today. The trust he had within her wasn’t something she’d even think of breaking.

“There's a big difference between a hard time and completely shutting down,” Navia explained.

Y/N sighed figuring out what happened. “I wish he would have just told me.” She slouched. “How upset with me do you think he is?”

“Maybe it's more conflicted?” Navia suggested.

“Regardless I feel shitty. I really do love him. I don’t want to hurt him.” Y/N covered her mouth after realizing she cursed. “I’m so sorry Sigewinne.”

Y/N was normally good about not cursing in front of Sigewinne. It wasn’t like she hadn’t heard cursing before but she appreciated everyone's attempt to keep their mouths clean around her. It didn’t bother her to be honest but for Y/N to curse in front of her confirmed how much what had happened was stressing her out.

“You should go talk to him,” Sigewinne recommended. “Everything I’ve read says communication is essential in relationships.”

“What if he doesn’t want to talk and just kicks me out again? I really didn’t know.” Y/N’s voice was filled with worry yet her words held with the strength of someone who knew at the end of the day it wasn’t her fault for what had happened.

“Then I’ll knock some sense into his head,” Sigewinne spoke trying to lighten her mood.

“How about I come back here when I’m done? That way you know when to go in and talk with him,” Navia offered.

“I would appreciate that.” All Y/N could think of was how to make things as right as she could.

-

Y/N took a breath before opening the office door. At the very least she would get her jacket back if she chickened out.

“I know I requested my lunch to be brought in today but isn’t this a bit early?” Wriothesley called out from above.

Y/N made her way up the stairs. “I don’t have your lunch.” She stopped at the top of the steps. “Can we talk?”

He looked over before promptly looking back down at the paperwork in front of him. “You’re on the clock. I don’t want to interrupt your work.”

“I’m on break and it's been a very slow day.”

“I have work to get done.” He tried using his work as an excuse. Looking over at the papers piled on his desk, the side that contained finished work was piled high. If anything he was probably ahead at least for a few days.

She frowned before glancing around the room. “Where is my jacket? I didn’t get the chance to grab it before I had to leave.” She gently reminded him.

He sighed before placing his pen down. “I put it up. I’ll go get it for you.” Wriothesley got up from behind his desk.

“I’ll go with you.” Taking care of her jacket had to be a good sign at least.

“No need. Just enjoy your break. I’ll have someone go bring it to the infirmary in a bit.” He tried walking past her to the stairs.

She grabbed his arm completely on instinct, something she hadn’t planned on doing. “You should know it’s hard to enjoy a break when I don’t even fully get to know what happened last night. Can we please talk?” She pleaded as she looked at his eyes trying to find thoughts within them. “Sigewinne can only tell me so much.”

He didn't meet her eyes when he took a breath. He felt shame in what he needed to ask. “Are you lying to me?” He desperately needed to know before he could pull those walls back down. They were something that he thought he could have fully down, but now he wasn't sure.

“No. I meant it. I'm not the kind of woman who expects you to say it back immediately but I do need some context on why you shut down on me.” She let go of his arm feeling that he would run away from this. “I don't want to hurt you. But I'm not going to be with a man who refuses to communicate with me on stuff like this.” It was something she hoped she wouldn’t have to put her foot down on.

“How much did Sigewinne tell you?”

“That love is a hard word for you. That you don’t care for it being told to you. She kept it to just that.”

“I think I’ve been pretty open about how I feel about my childhood.”

“You tend to avoid details but I remember what you went through from what you told me.” It was hard for either of them to look eye to eye. Their gazes focused on the floor below them.

“They,” his foster parents, “constantly told us how much they loved us. Showered us with those words till the day I- well, you know.” He wasn’t one to share every single detail of the murder he had committed. It wasn’t something he enjoyed reliving but it would be something he would have to carry with him till the day he dies. 

His foster mother lied through her teeth. Hearing her say ‘I love you’ trying to lure him into that false sense of security just for his foster father to cause one of the many scars that were on his body. It haunted him. It probably was the moment that cursed that sentence for him.

“You could have warned me. I wouldn’t have said it.”

“I thought I was ready to hear it by now.” Wriothesley looked out the corner of his eye trying to read her body language. 

She sighed before turning to look at him. “Things like that happen and it’s okay. Everyone has days where the things we carry hurt more. If anything I should have backed off and given you space when you asked me to.”

“I was okay till you said those words.”

“I won't say them again then. Not till you’re ready.”

“Did you really mean it?”

“I did. And that means if I have to change how I express that, I will if it means not making you relive something that you don’t want to. I care about you. I want you to remember that.”

He reached out for her hand. “Let’s go get your jacket.”

Y/N couldn’t help but smile as she held his hand. “If it isn’t too much, do you mind if I have lunch in here with you?”

“How about dinner instead?”

“I’m good with that.”

[carrotoplyn]

aiden isn’t just a dumb blonde OH MY GOSHHHH. i’ve seen a couple of people say this as like a joke and like haha funny i guess?? I mean it can be fun on the occasion but like ehh idk. but i’ve seen people say it and genuinely mean it and i’m like he’s no though??

it’s currently late at night and i can’t properly express my thoughts on this in such a way it would make sense but, i wanna just point out some simple-ish things. (also apologies for any mistakes you may see, like i said before, it is currently late at night for me when i’m posting this)

so this first one is something my friend noticed. (kinda mad i didn’t notice it myself but not important) which is how in one of the first few episodes (70% sure it’s episode 2) is how aiden was the only one who finished the homework. yes everyone was sleep deprived and tired so they couldn’t do it, but it seems like aiden did it and did it right considering even ashlyn copied off of him

he was smart enough to make a plan for ash to go on the field trip, which was a fully thought out plan that really couldn’t backfire unless she genuinely decided not to go (but she did and now look at where are today)

this next one isn’t talking about how he’s smart but it correlates so idgaf, and it’s how we probably only “plays dumb”. because like i’ve said this whole post, he’s not dumb. but he probably only acts like so people don’t expect him to actually be able to do more complex things. like being so for real when i first read sbg and saw aiden, i had low expectations (but look at me now, writing my second ‘analysis’ or whatever you call this in row on this him)

he beat the world record for how fast a rubix cube can be completed, need i say more? yes, need i say more actually because most people are not good at puzzles. and most puzzles aren’t easy to do either. well yes, for some people rubix cubes are easy, but ain’t no way all he does is those small little rubix cubes that are too easy for him.

hes able to think quick on his feet. first example of this to come to mind is episode 21 when they behead the phantom. and as well as him coming up with an way to save ash from the phantom. like he doesn’t need that much time to think of plans, and his plans are usually foolproof.

FASTPASS SPOLIERS FOR THIS NEXT ONE (the spoilers are under the cut)

he’s always smart enough to negotiate with alex (by negotiate i mean threaten, but same thing, right?) and he literally was about to use a pen as a lethal weapon here guys. A PEN PEOPLE. A PEN. and plus alex was ready to listen to him and make a compromise (to be fair alex already wanted to help anyways but shhh i use whatever crumbs i can for my stupid idiot thoughts)

ok that’s all, please add on if you can i beg i beg 🙏🙏

[3rdsleeper]

r/s fics rec list!

(simplified by highly specific tropes)

remus does not want sirius paying his rent and sirius is having a normal one

inflations, invitations and flirtations by mblematic

summary: The Li-Lo at Lupin's. In which plenty of people crash on Remus' air mattress after Hogwarts, and Sirius isn't jealous at all. complete - 9k

practical oddities by lurikko

summary: Regulus needs a place to stay, Remus needs to get over Sirius. It’s August 1979 and things are getting out of hands. complete - 47k (ok this one technically they do live together, but its not necessarily remus' first choice iykyk please read it)

how remus got his groove back by RealityShowJunkie

summary: Remus Lupin becomes king of the cockroaches, Fabian Prewett writes a book, Gilderoy Lockhart is a catfish, and Sirius Black realizes he's a fucking idiot. complete - 42k

the son and heir of nothing in particular by aeridionis

summary: Remus is nineteen and tired, now. And he knows that if he and Sirius were ever going to become anything—if Sirius loved Remus the way Remus loves, and will probably always love, him—it already would’ve happened. complete - 23k

frog and toad aren't friends anymore by swordfishtrombones

summary: “Some people just aren’t good flatmates. I wasn’t trying to say I liked Adrian and Mary better than you, or whatever you’re thinking.” Sirius runs a hand through his hair and squints at the streetlight, twisting his mouth like Remus is truly hopeless. “It hurt,” says Sirius, “my feelings.” complete - 10k

an episode of skam (in the sense that remus is avoidant dismissive /j /j)

the lord of desperate longing by reyghost

summary: Sirius has a lot of feelings, Remus has his own issues too, and James is a very good best friend complete - 13k

and only felt good while moving by aeridionis

summary: The summer before university, Sirius falls in love and throws a punch and then he makes a friend. complete - 17k

SHAME by wiltedtddaisy (taotu)

summary: Sirius has some figuring-things-out to do. He’s not sure if Remus helps or makes things worse. complete - 82k

angle of doubt by mblematic

summary: The Map had been going missing. Or—not missing, exactly. Sirius always knew where it was; Remus had been spiriting it away. Which, it should be said, was fine. Really. complete - 9k

a bird at your door by moongnome

summary: Of pub quizzes, old films, Chinese takeaways, broken arms, and impassioned discussions of literature: Remus is confusing, and Sirius is just trying to figure him out. complete - 31k

if you're the bassist, and i'm the lead singer, then who’s flying this plane?

the cadence of part-time poets by motswolo

summary: After losing his mother at age eleven, Remus has spent the better part of the last four years bouncing from school to school or else running around London and pretending as though he wasn't the kind of well-bred boy his father brought him up to be. Now, with his chances all run out, Remus is sent to Hawkings Independent School as a last-ditch effort to clean up his act. There he meets the very people who will set up the rest of his life, and is forced to confront the pieces of himself he'd long thought had been lost. complete - 979k

dress up in you by MsKingBean89

summary: Sirius attends a charity rock gig organised by his best friend's girlfriend, and the tall, quiet bassist catches his eye... complete - 88k (ok sirius is not in a band in this one but please just go with it)

sirius black & the six by BellaBabe

summary: Remus shrugged. “Not much for the spotlight.” “Right,” Sirius drawled. “I bet you’re also not much for the rock ‘n roll perks.” Remus tensed, sparing Sirius a scathing glance. “I’m sober now.” Sirius quirked a brow in disbelief. complete - 79k

saturday nights and sunday mornings by SoupyGeorge

summary: A story about music and family, the price of fame and finding love somewhere completely unexpected. (its an arctic monkeys au) complete - 121k

sirius black learns the meaning of true love. remus lupin does too but in a much more put together and chill way

a series of sketches done in black ink by musntgetmy

summary: Sirius had always imagined the aftermath of falling in love would mean lightness, and an escape from all the horrors of his childhood. But the past never leaves, and even love can't stop bad memories from resurfacing. complete - 57k

dissonance by renaissance

summary: Remus searches for solace in all the likely places, but somehow he keeps coming back to Sirius Black. Featuring sad acoustic indie, spearmint gum, and irresponsible usage of social media. complete - 4k

the time when you were mine by renaissance

summary: the walk from Grimmauld Place to Parliament Hill is just under an hour, but it's easier going at four in the morning complete - 9k

as red as hearts and autumn by Rosie_Rues

summary: it's the autumn of sixth year, theres a flu epidemic at Hogwarts, and the Blacks want their heir back. complete - 43k

[sashi-ya]

𝑪𝒉𝒐𝒄𝒐𝒍𝒂𝒕𝒆 𝑩𝒐𝒙 𝑽-𝒅𝒂𝒚 𝑬𝒗𝒆𝒏𝒕 Pulsation +18. 𝐓𝐫𝐚𝐟𝐚𝐥𝐠𝐚𝐫 𝐋𝐚𝐰 𝐱 𝐟! 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

Dear, @valval08 your 𝑷𝒖𝒍𝒔𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏 bonbon is filled with 𝒎𝒊𝒏𝒕 & 𝒄𝒉𝒐𝒄𝒐𝒍𝒂𝒕𝒆 , please enjoy the taste of 𝒓𝒐𝒖𝒈𝒉 𝒔𝒆𝒙

request: @valval08 asked: Hiiiiiii @sashi-ya I’m so glad the spicy won cause lols 😂 I wanted spicy but vote for non spicy by accident. Can I please request Law x female reader with a dulce de leche filling and the pulsations bon bon. Thank you so much!!!! tw: rough sex. impregnation. mentions of pregnancy. vag sex. bitting. choking. wc: 1k | masterlist

Ink lines crossing his skin, the heart in his chest against your back. His knees on the mattress, yours over his thighs. The surgeon of death pulling from your arms back, your tiny pleaded skirt covering the lewd motions of sex against sex.

He goes in and out, so hard. So violently. “La- Law! I- uhh… auch….” “You asked me to be rough, didn’t you… (Name)-ya?”

He has no mercy. He won’t have it even if you ask him to stop. Law is not even making an effort, it’s so natural for him to fuck you this hard.

His tattooed fingers round your neck, expertly applying pressure exactly where it should be done. He can sense your pulse going up on the tip of his fingers, and he wishes to cut that blood flow just to make you dizzy, so damn dizzy. He wants all your blood where it should be; your sex. He wants your anatomy filled up, throbbing, swollen. Law wants your walls to clench tight to his shaft.

“Uhgh- ugh- nggh- L- Law!“ you pant, and also gag. He presses your carotids with his thumb and middle finger, while his index pulls your tongue down as it invades your mouth. You drool, your mascara tinted tears also go down your cheeks. Immoral waterfalls that can only match the wetness of your core.  

Law scoffs, he doesn’t get tired from the thrusts, not in the slightest; “It was such a beautiful makeup you got for valentine’s… and I’m here ruining it” he laughs. And that laughter is the sweetest melody your lightheaded self could catch from around you.

You whimper and whine, just when he decides -from time to time- you can use your throat. He goes for the marks around your neck, he wants his fingertips on your skin, carved, tattooed.

You thought it would be funny if you dared him to fuck you “rough”. You insisted, you played with the idea. You even joke he was soft and delicate… and he promised you would never had to say that… ever again…. “Am I too soft? Too delicate, (Name)-ya? Well, we will see after this romantic dinner”

Law also squeezes your breasts. He goes hard, he doesn’t care. He pinches and twists your nipples, he wants you to scream. And you do, as he pulls so mercilessly from your erected, overly sensitive buttons.

He also bites, from time to time, your shoulders. Because… why wouldn’t he? You wanted it rough, right?

Oh, rough and raw too. raw, so he could fill you up…

“Ngh, (Name)-ya…” he for once goes slower. His hips aren’t killing you as before. You have come, probably twice already but him? Not yet. You can’t help but move on your own, going up and down, sometimes back and forth but most importantly tracing circles with your hips around his hard, drippy sex.

You want to milk him. You really want more. You want his warm release inside you, too.

He tries to stop you, his hands pressing down your lower belly now. He wants you to go slower, but he can’t make it happen. His own hips aren’t responding to his brain, either.

“Don’t- I’m not wearing a condom” he tries to warn you. He is so torn into keep doing it rough, filling you up to the brim, he has fantasized with his own cum dripping out your entrance so many times before.

“Fill me up ~” you purr, making his arms to fully surround your waist. You want to lock him in and around you, and you do with your own arms. You have closed your legs enough so that he is also unable to pull off. -He didn’t, he couldn’t do it, either way-

Law takes a look at the reflection of your bodies in a foggy window of a cheap hotel. It was valentine’s day, there was no time, you didn’t want to waste it searching for a better place. It could have been the car; but there wasn’t enough room, he said.

“You want me to destroy you, and now to get you pregnant (Name)-ya? You want me to fucking get you pregnant?” he asks, this time whispering, short of breath and full of desire, on your ear. “Do you really wanna get filled with my cum? Are you gonna keep it all inside, my sweet little bitch?”

You nod, desperately, humping on top of him, clenching to his throbbing hardness so ready to give the surgeon the so needed relief. “Pl- please, Law… fill me up, get me pregnant, impregnate me”

Law sighs louder, he needs to let go all the tension accumulated in his chest. “Very well, allow me to ~” he moans, going as hard as fast as possible with thrusts that could kill, that make you shiver, that make you weak.

And with a loud grunt, he comes. This time is him who won’t let you stand up. He traps you against his thighs, against his sweaty body. “Keep it there” he growls, kissing your cheek, going as deep as possible, remaining there. Both bodies mixed in one, connected for almost eternity. “Keep it there for me, (Name)-ya… happy valentine’s day, I love you”

“Thank you, my love… it feels so warm…” you mumble, turning to the side to give him sloppy kisses, so full of passion and lust. “Don’t move until the last drop is inside me… I love you~”

[outalongtheedges]

Goose On Film

Part 2

“Oh so that’s where that picture went”, Maverick mumbled more to himself than to anyone in particular.

Not that the others would’ve cared much about what he had to say about an old picture on a corkboard in the Bradshaw’s study.

“Interesting. I thought I had lost that one”, Slider’s wife suddenly said beside him. “Should’ve known Goose took it back.”

Maverick nodded before reaching up to take the picture of him and Ice off the board. He’s had it inside of his wallet for the better part of 10 years before he had ‘lost it’.

“What do you think you’re doing there, Maverick?!”, Goose slapped his wrist before he could reach the picture. “It’s mine!”

Okay so to be fair Goose did take the picture and he also paid for them to be printed out but it still was a picture of Ice and Mav. So it made sense for Maverick to have it, right? Slider’s wife seemed to have been thinking the same thing judging by the way she eyed the photo of her husband.

“I know what you’re thinking, Pete Mitchell! Don’t even try it. It’s an important piece in my ‘Goose on Film’ series.”, Goose continued to argue with his best friend. “You got more than enough pictures of you and that blond bastard, don’t you think?”

Maverick rolled his eyes. He could never have enough pictures of him and Tom. Not in a million years could he have collected enough of them. And that picture in particular had been taken on Carole’s birthday in ‘92, and if you know anything about Carole’s birthday parties then you’d understand the significance of that photo. That Goose even managed to take a decent one of them was astounding.

Yeah okay Mav was looking down, reading god knows what and it was a little blurry, but Ice managed to look into the camera as if he’d never done anything else but model in his entire life.

“And you!”, Goose suddenly turned over to Mrs Kerner that had her fingers on one of the thumbtacks holding up her husbands picture, “Don’t even think about it! I’ve been to your house, the walls are full of pictures of Slider and his ugly mug!”

“But not this one. Look at how cute he looks…”, she looked the photo dreamily.

“I don’t know about Slider and cute.”, Goose and Mav said at the same time, questioning looks on their faces.

“Oh come on! You guys know what I mean!”

They did know, Goose and Mav could stare at their respective partners for hours and call them every term of endearment under the sun and wouldn’t get tired.

„Come on Goose!“, Maverick whined pointing at the picture. „Let me have it back. It doesn’t look nice enough for your photo books anymore anyways.“

„What exactly did you do with yours, Pete?“, Mrs Kerner asked with a raised brow, looking sceptical as ever. „Looks like you crumpled it up.“

„I had it in my wallet? And then on my plane.“

„You know what you’re right. They’re both in horrible condition.“, Goose sighed exasperatedly, „I still have the negatives. Take them and treat them horribly! No respect for my art!“

Slider’s wife took the picture down triumphantly and folded it up the way it probably had been for years. So did Mav, staring lovingly at the photo he had stared at every time he went up in his plane.

„You two are paying for the new prints I have to make!“

„Of course Nick, honey. I’ll pay for it“, Mrs Kerner chuckled and Maverick nodded along.

All of them knew they wouldn’t pay for the prints, not that Goose would care.

———

Masterlist Part 2

Another silly little manip and this time with a story?? I’m treating you and myself (mostly myself) with this one aren’t I?

Let me know what you lovely people think ✨🎈💕

Remember be nice and respectful, have a nice day and a good nights sleep.

[justme-1723]

RANDOM ONLY FRIENDS THEORIES/THOUGHTS

- Sand will get tired of Ray’s shenanigans/not coming first in his life and take a step back. I think this might be where this mystery character comes into play (*the one he has a love scene with). Sand is my favorite character by a long shot and I just know he’s going to do something that disappoints me… I’m dreading it because I will call him out even though I love him dearly. Part of me thinks his lack of empathy/straight shooter attitude will get him into trouble. Sometimes he is TOO honest. On the flip side, I also think he feels things very deeply and this will not bode well because Ray is an addict. His heart will shatter. Not excited at all.

- Ray WILL absolutely lose his damn mind if he finds out about Sand sleeping with someone else (*maybe I’m wrong, but he just seems like the jealous type lol) I think he will push Sand away because falling in love with someone who has the capacity to love him back will terrify him. I think he will spend most of the series trying to convince himself and others that he doesn’t have REAL feelings for Sand. Poor babe. It’s okay Ray, I love you anyway. I do think he will be sober/starting his journey to sobriety by the finale too. I can’t wait for this part!

- I think we are missing some very vital information about Boston. I’m not sure what it could be… but I’m so worried about him. I know that may seem silly… sue me. He just gives me “I’m actually so fucking miserable and I hate myself uwu” vibes. Could be very wrong though lol. There is clear tension between him & Mew and I think there is a reason for that. One that might surprise us. Mew has made some shady comments about Boston & Boston doesn’t hold back when he talks about Mew to Top.

- Nick has no idea what healthy boundaries are. From the beginning, he has completely disregarded Boston’s right to privacy. Yes he’s cute and yes he’s young, but he has crossed every line imaginable (almost) and they aren’t even in a committed relationship. Boston isn’t obligated to be faithful. He doesn’t owe Nick any information about his sex life outside of their arrangement. Sigh. I think it will only get worse from here though… Revenge porn??… I hope not… I also think Nick just wants to be loved.

- Mew. There is something about Mew that I can’t quite wrap my head around. I was VERY surprised that he chose to use sex as a bargaining tool. It seemed very out of character for him. I love that he called Ray out for kissing him without his permission. It needed to be addressed and Mew handled it flawlessly. Which again, is why I was so shocked by his choices at the end of this latest episode… Ray calls him out yet again before he leaves, “Is Top really the kind of boyfriend you want?” This is the second time Ray has said something like this. Is Mew trying to prove something? Does it bother him that Ray of all people, the person he has very clearly said isn’t the type of boyfriend he wants, is the person pointing out that Top isn’t a good option either?

- Top is so complex. They all are really, but Top has so many layers and he isn’t as easy to read. (In my opinion) This ex is definitely important to him. I think he has some scars from that relationship. I also think there is some sort of hidden trauma that hasn’t been shared with us yet. His relationship with sex is all over the place. I can’t even begin to dissect that.

I have so many other thoughts swirling around in my brain, but they get so jumbled up lol. This probably makes no sense either, so have fun reading my nonsense. Or don’t. That’s cool too.

[film-bro-hotch]

I'll Cowboy the Best - Hotch x Fem!Reader - one shot

I have been working on this one for a little bit, but it has been so fun. This is 100% self-indulgent (like most of my stuff), but I really hope you all like it. I have to give credit where credit is due, though, because I used to despise the holidays. It wasn't until living with @honeypiehotchner that I have maybe started to like them a little. What was supposed to be a funny cowboy!Hotch fic has now turned into a Holiday Season cowboy!Hotch fic. Thanks, K. The month of December is a bit more tolerable because of you ;)

Synopsis: You are visiting family on their Texas farm for the holidays and decide it's time your boyfriend meet your parents. One of your problems, though, is that your family isn't too fond of him. There is nearly a 10 year age gap between the two of you, and worst of all, he is your boss. Hotch is determined to make them like him, even if that means saddling up and playing the part of a cowboy.

Warnings: This is an age-gap relationship, but these two are both consenting adults. Reader is near 30 - we don't do that huge age gap stuff. Also there are discussions about the inherent power dynamics between you and Hotch with him as your boss. But mostly this is fluff! This is a happy story!

WC: 8.2k

Find me a horse that I can cover Find me some stars to sleep under Find me a train, I’ll hop out west If she wants a cowboy, I’ll cowboy the best

You watched his hand flex as he gripped the wheel a little bit tighter. Usually this kind of behavior was reserved for when you were in a high-speed chase trying to catch an unsub and Hotch was about to pull some stupid move and drift an SUV in a way that it certainly wasn’t made to do. 

But that wasn’t the case. You were on day two of your trip down to visit family, and you had switched off drivers a few hours ago. You had offered to drive the rest of the way since you knew the town, but Hotch insisted for some reason you couldn’t quite figure out yet. Driving instead of flying was your idea in the first place anyway. 

He looked less than enthused, but you somehow managed to talk him into it. You only had about 30 minutes before you were supposed to make it to your family’s Texas ranch, and he seemed to be getting more stressed by the minute. 

“Aaron, are you good? You’ve been tense for the past hour, and we aren’t on a crowded interstate.” Truth be told, you had only passed maybe 5 other cars in that time.

“I’m okay, really. I’m just…a little nervous.”

It was something that you hadn’t really thought of. It would make sense, though. Meeting the parents was something nerve-wracking anyway, but Hotch probably hadn’t had to do it since high school. And your parents were already…not exactly thrilled with him. He was almost ten years older than you, and he was your boss. Both your mom and your dad were quick to point out the implications, and the trouble both of you could get into for dating. You had mostly brushed it off, changed the subject or made an excuse to hang up the phone, but being there for the holidays made it much more difficult to ignore. 

You were gentle as you placed a hand on his shoulder, rubbing your thumb along his muscle. “It’s going to be okay, I promise. Once they get to know you, they are going to love you just as much as I do.”

He played off a laugh and muttered, “Well I hope not that much,” to which you promptly slapped the arm you had just been caressing. 

“You know what I meant,” you said with a pointed gaze, but that smirk on your face let him know you weren’t actually mad. 

The rest of the ride was uneventful, the majority of your scenery being flat, snow-covered farmland and the occasional herd of cows. Your family’s ranch was one of the closer ones to town, meaning that it was still a good 20 minutes to any store. You could tell that Hotch was analyzing everything as they entered the driveway, committing all of it to memory. The driveway was still gravel, the familiar sound of tires crushing and compacting the rocks and snow beneath settled your nerves a little. The house you grew up in was the exact same as the day you left to move to Virginia. A one story brick home, classic white shutters and a porch that looked like it needed to be restained. Your mother had her Christmas lights on the porch, though it was more because she never took them down than her getting into the holiday spirit. 

The farm was mostly corn, some pole beans and cucumbers planted throughout to help with the soil, though none of that was planted now with the cold. The other half of the land was grazing for the cows, goats, and chickens, and a small barn kept the few horses your parents still had around. 

“You didn’t tell me it was a farm,” he said with a cocked eyebrow. You might have fibbed a little and just said you lived on a lot of land growing up, which wasn’t untrue. 

“You never asked,” you said simply. You were already out of the car before he could say anything more. It was the perfect kind of cold outside. Just a little nippy to wake you up, but no harsh wind feeling like it was cutting your cheeks open. You had only grabbed one bag of your luggage when you heard the screen door open, followed by quick steps on the gravel as your mother called your name. She pulled you into a hug, kissing the side of your head and then your cheek. 

“It is so good to see you! I was just telling your daddy, I can’t believe the two of you drove all the way here!” she said. You looked over at Aaron, offering him an encouraging smile.

It didn’t last too long, though. You hadn’t even heard the screen door open, but your dad had found his way outside at some point and was leaning against the porch railing. “He could have easily bought y'all tickets.” So this was how the trip was starting. 

Aaron may have had so much experience with confrontation, but you could still see his tells, his little ticks that gave away his nerves. Usually his shoulders were relaxed and he stood at his full height. You could see the tension even through his winter coat. He was slouching a little, perhaps bringing himself a bit lower. Even with that, he towered over your dad. You were about to defend him, tell your dad it was your idea, but Aaron spoke first, talking as he walked over to your dad.

“Good thing we didn’t fly. That front coming in has delayed or canceled almost every flight out of D.C. Besides, I wouldn’t want to hassle you with having to pick us up at the airport,” he started, offering his hand to shake. “Aaron Hotchner.”

Your dad wasn’t the most cheery person anyway, but you could tell he wasn’t exactly thrilled at having Aaron here. He did, however, pride himself on being a gentleman, so he shook his hand. “Curtis L/N. Good to finally meet you in person.”

“You too. Y/N has told me so much about you and your wife. I’m curious to see how much of what she told me is true.” He was taking a risky move joking like that, but at the very least it got a huff out of your dad, which was better than the blank stare you would get sometimes when you made a joke. 

“Come on, let’s get inside! I don’t want to freeze my ass off,” you said, earning a look of disapproval from your mother for the curse, but the two of you grabbed the bags from the car and followed the men inside. 

Your mother, being the gracious host she always had to be, left the bags by the door and pointed down the hall. “Now at the very end is the spare bedroom that you can sleep in, Aaron. It’s got a little bathroom attached to it,” she then turned to look at you, “you can just use our bathroom, sweetie.” Oh, you should have expected this. You knew your parents were traditional, so of course there was no way they were going to let you share a room with him unless you had his last name. 

While you loved your parents and were happy to see them after living in D.C. for so long, you were quite tired, and there was only so much of them you could take. “Thanks, mom, but I think Aaron and I are pretty tired. We’ve been driving all day, so we might turn in a little early.” You look at Hotch, expecting him to agree, but he seemed quite determined to get your parents to like him. 

“I can stay up and talk a little longer,” he started, but your dad was already waving his hand dismissively.

“I’m usually out like a light before 8:00. I ain’t got much socializing left in me today,” he said, to which Aaron gave a quick nod, wished your parents good night, and went to the guest bedroom. If you were able to follow him, you would joke that your dad sounded a little like him. He may pull late nights at the BAU, but if he could keep from socializing, he would.

You may have been in your childhood bedroom, but you found it incredibly hard to sleep that night. Perhaps it was because you had been away so long that the place felt foreign to you now. Maybe it was the anxiety of your parent’s approval, or maybe it was the fear that after meeting your family, Hotch wouldn’t want to stay in the relationship. You chastised yourself for that one. You knew it was a stupid thought. You grabbed the phone on your nightstand, deciding to text him.

Maybe it’s a good thing we didn’t get to share a room. We wouldn’t have been able to get away with anything with that squeaky mattress. I can hear you every time you turn

His reply was quick, almost like he had been debating texting you as well. I feel like I’m sixteen again.

I told you I would make you feel younger

Not exactly the way I thought you would do it.

You stared at the message for a moment, knowing he probably felt some of the same anxieties, which was saying something considering Aaron Hotchner was not an anxious person. You should go ahead and get some sleep. They will probably be up early working

I love you.

I love you too

—

You woke up the next morning a little earlier than you usually would have, though you attributed it to the fact that you went to bed pretty early, and you were dealing with a time change, so it was really closer to 9:00 back home. You could smell breakfast in the kitchen, likely cooked a while ago and your mother left it out for you to reheat whenever you got up. When you walked out, you could see the door to the guest room open, but when you peeked inside, Hotch wasn’t there.

Going down the hall to the kitchen, he wasn’t in there either. You went about your business, fixing a plate of eggs, bacon, biscuits with gravy, and a little bit of grits. Coffee had been brewed probably an hour ago, but you fixed yourself a cup, stirring in sugar and cream before heading outside to the porch where you knew your parents were probably sitting and drinking their coffee. They had probably already worked this morning, feeding the cows and chickens and horses.

It was still cold, but most of the snow had melted, and your dad had put heaters by the porch for this very reason. Your mom does this every morning and still complains that it’s cold, so I had to fix something, he had said to you on the phone one night. A heater didn’t sound too bad right then.

“Mornin’ sweetheart,” you heard the moment the screen door creaked open.

“Morning,” you replied, taking the rocking chair on the other side of your mother, “Have you seen Aaron this morning?”

“He went out into town a little bit ago. Said he forgot a couple things and needed to run to the store. I’m having him pick up some more Folgers while he’s out,” she said, cradling her vintage coffee mug in her hand with a smug smile. You know that partly why she missed you was because she missed sending someone else into town. But what could Aaron have possibly missed? He was so particular when it came to packing. He had lists for his lists, and he went over everything with a fine-toothed comb. 

You were about halfway through your breakfast and cup of coffee when you heard the sound of tires against the gravel. You cradled your cup, watching as Aaron stepped out of the car, going to the back and picking up a few grocery bags, a hand behind his back. He swiftly moved up the steps to the porch, kissing your cheek and whispering, “Morning.” He revealed his arm and handed a bouquet of flowers, blue hydrangeas mixed with baby’s breath. The second bouquet he handed to your mother along with a comically large red tin. “I didn’t forget about you. Sunflowers and a value-sized Folgers classic roast for you.” You knew what he was doing, and it was totally working on your mom.

“Aaron, you shouldn’t have,” she said as she took the flowers, inspecting each petal carefully.

“In the Christmas spirit already, St. Nick?” you teased, looking up at him from behind your mug. He had a half grin on his face, shrugging his shoulders. 

“Maybe for some people,” he joked dryly.

He made his way inside, presumably to go about putting the groceries away.

Your mother started a little conversation, asking you a few things about your job, D.C., and about Aaron. It wasn’t long before that conversation turned into your mother going on about the town gossip. How Claire that you went to high school with was married and had two kids with her highschool sweetheart, how they still lived down the road from their parents. You loved yours, but you could not fathom staying in the same zip code as them as an adult. She told you about her hairdresser and how “Bless her heart, she’s new, so she doesn’t quite know what I like yet.”

At some point during the conversation, your dad had made his way inside, his cup of coffee gone as well. It was when you made the realization that your boyfriend was now left alone with your dad that the door opened, both men walking out and heading down the porch steps. 

“Where are you guys going?” you asked, trying to hide the concern in your voice.

“I’m just going to show him around the farm,” your dad said, but there was a glint in his eye that told you he was going to do much more. Aaron looked back at you with a look that screamed help me and was perhaps the most boyish you had seen him in your relationship. As much as you wanted, you couldn’t really do anything, so you watched them walk down the gravel drive toward the barn and said a silent prayer that your father wasn’t planning on killing a federal agent. 

--

“And this right here is my 57’ Thunderbird. I don’t take her out much, only on special occasions.” Curtis had been showing Hotch around the barn for about thirty minutes, telling him all about how it worked, how the hay was kept in the loft which had holes to the feeding troughs in each stall. He seemed the picture of calm, but Hotch could tell he was just waiting for the right moment to talk about the elephant in the room. The older man turned to Hotch, and he expected it to be then that he asked him why the hell he was messing with his daughter.

“You ever rode a horse, Aaron?”

He was taken aback by the question. He had been prepared for anything - for accusations, for an interrogation, for some kind of psychoanalysis, but this…

“No, I haven’t,” he replied hesitantly. “Why are you asking me this.”

“Because you are going to ride a horse today, boy.” 

Hotch had decided that this was worse than any kind of interrogation he was expecting from your father. No, this had to be some kind of divine punishment for a wrongdoing he couldn’t fathom. He should have been offended that your dad called him “boy.” He hadn’t been called that in decades. 

Curtis had already left him by the vintage car and was walking toward a section of the barn to the side with concrete floors. One half looked to be open stalls for grooming, and the other side was filled with saddles, blankets, different ropes and metal chains. He had no idea what was used for what, and part of him was terrified your dad had a murder weapon hidden amongst everything. What should have been the trim by the ceiling was covered with award ribbons of various colors, but an overwhelming amount seemed to be blue. Upon further inspection, it looked as though they were organized by year. The wall closest to the stables held a corkboard with no more room for pictures or trinkets. Tickets and newspaper clippings covered each other, a cluster of memories dating back to around the same time as the ribbons on the wall.

“How much did she tell you? About all this?” Curtis asked, motioning to the board and ribbons.

“She would bring it up sometimes. Always fondly. She told me the family showed livestock and raced horses.”

Curtis crossed his arms, an almost sad sense of nostalgia filling his tone. “Not so much anymore. It’s not as big as it used to be, and I’m getting a little old for hog-tying a calf.”

Hotch found himself laughing, a little surprised he actually cracked a joke.

“There was one time we were in Montana for a case. We were in the middle of nowhere in the mountains, and the local police helping us were all on horses for our search. She joined them like it was nothing. One of our coworkers asked why she never told us she could ride, and she just smiled and said we never asked.” The more Aaron thought about it, the more he realized in that instance you sounded a bit like your dad. He could see now why you put up with his dry sense of humor, and why you had a bit of it too.

“Don’t worry, I’ll go easy on you today,” Curtis started, grabbing a saddle. It was an older one compared to the shiny, brighter ones displayed on the wall. This one was still a deep reddish brown but had discoloration in the most well-loved spots. Decorative etchings lined the leather, and silver pieces whose design was near flat adorned places where leathers met. Curtis handed him the saddle, picking up a blanket and a few other roped materials for the horse.

The two walked back into the stabled area, and Curtis stopped at one of the few stalls that actually had a horse inside. “Now most of them go out in the pasture, but Ole Handsome here likes his solitude.” The horse was like salt and pepper, a white sprinkled throughout with gray and black. It was hard to tell exactly what was his color and what was dirt.

“Ole Handsome?” Hotch asked, raising a brow. 

“We got him when Y/N was about 15 I think. Even for a colt he was a scrawny little thing. Looked just pitiful, but she loved him. I started callin him Ole Handsome as a joke, and it just stuck. Now he fits the name.” 

It was an odd moment for Aaron, looking at this animal, a tangible piece of your past that you rarely shared. It made him smile just a bit.

Hotch stood back and watched as your father led the horse out of the stable, slipping the bridle onto the horse with an ease that showed that had both done it a million times before. He went along with the blanket, adding the saddle on top and tightening it with expert hands. Your dad looked back at Hotch, motioning him forward. He wasn’t going to admit it, but the fact that this creature was nearly as tall as him and could easily crush him scared the shit out of him. 

“Now what you’ll do is put your left foot in the stirrup, yup, that thing right there,” he pointed as Hotch followed his words. “Now grab a little bit of his mane.”

“His hair?” Aaron asked, unable to hide his shock. Was he trying to trick him? Would this horse not just bolt the moment he tugged on its hair?

“Well you don’t put all your damn weight on it,” Curtis said, motioning to the other side of the saddle. “You’re gonna hold on to that with your other hand and push yourself up with the stirrup. Holding the mane is just so you are holding on to something else. It ain’t gonna bother him if you pull just a little. It’s like brushing hair with a knot.”

Aaron was hesitant, but he gently placed his left hand on the horse’s mane, taking a fistful while trying to be gentle. He wasn’t sure why he was surprised by the texture. It was much more coarse and wiry than he had been expecting. “Don’t kill me,” he breathed to the horse before placing his other hand on the other side of the saddle and pushing himself up, swinging his leg over and finding the other stirrup.

Curtis looked half surprised, half impressed. “Wasn’t so hard, now was it?” he asked, taking the reins and pulling them in the front so he could lead the horse. “Now you’ll want to sit up straight when you’re riding. Put your hands on the pommel of the saddle. I’ll just walk him around a few circles so you’ll know how it feels.” He made a soft clicking sound with his mouth and gave a gentle tug on the reins, and Ole Handsome gave a snort before moving forward. The motion at first was a little jarring. Hotch felt like he had to fight to keep balance, though he attributed that more to his nerves than anything else. 

The motion of the saddle almost reminded him of ocean waves, a rocking that sent him forward and back. It was a rhythm that was jarring at first, but after a few circles became welcomed. 

“See, not so bad,” Curtis said. “Want to take it up to a trot?”

To be honest, Hotch didn’t know exactly what that entailed, but he was willing to try just about anything to win your dad’s favor. “Sure,” he said, finding himself holding on to the saddle a little bit tighter.

—

You and your mother had been watching the boys from inside the house as the two of you cleaned up breakfast. It started as fearful glances to the barn, making sure you still saw his figure standing by your father in the hopes that your dad hadn’t killed him and hid his body. You could see the two of them talking by your dad’s vintage car, but between drying a few dishes, they had left and weren’t in your eyesight. You were watching out of your own fear and anxiety, your mother was watching because she found it incredibly entertaining. 

You tried to tell yourself to calm down, that you were overthinking and working yourself up, and you did manage to calm down a little bit. You had fixed yourself a hot cup of tea and had joined your mother by the heater on the porch. It was upon sitting down in the rocking chair and looking into the barn that you saw your boyfriend riding your horse.

“Holy shit,” you said, not even bothering to censor yourself for your mother’s sake. “What the hell is dad doing?”

“Language,” your mother said with a pointed gaze, sipping on her second cup of coffee. “Evidently your father conned your poor boyfriend into getting on Ole Handsome. I’m just keeping an eye on the two of them.”

So much of you was terrified for Hotch, but part of you was shocked your father even managed to get him on, and another part was impressed because Aaron was actually doing well.

“Don’t look so scared. Your daddy won’t kill him, at least I don’t think,” your mother had said, moving back and forth in her rocking chair, a fuzzy blanket in her lap, covering her lower half. 

Later your father would swear that it was a barn mouse that scurried in front of your horse. You thought it was a little more intentional, but either way, something scared Ole Handsome, enough for your father to lose grip on the lead as he sprinted off towards the pasture, Aaron holding on surprisingly well. You practically skipped the steps of the porch in your haste, running through the barn to chase after the two. When you caught sight of Aaron, he was off the horse, pulling himself up from the ground, dusting off an arm of his jacket. 

“Are you okay? I just saw Handsome bolt,” you said, taking him by the shoulder and looking him over.

He brushed your hand off, somehow having good spirits about the whole thing. Did he get a concussion? What seemed to shock you the most was that he actually started laughing.

It took him a moment to actually stop laughing, and you could have sworn you saw a tear in the corner of his eye. “In all my career, I’ve been shot at, I’ve gotten my ass kicked, I have been in multiple car chases and accidents, but nothing has scared me as much as when that thing started to run.”

You heard your dad’s jogging footsteps behind you, calling out, “You okay, Aaron?”

Hotch gave him a breathless thumbs up. “Never been better, Mr. L/N.”

And you had never heard a more obvious lie. Yesterday’s snow had mostly melted away by then, but you knew it was still cold. The ground was still frozen and hard, and Hotch was sure to have a mark wherever he landed. 

“Y’all go on inside. I’ll go fetch Handsome before he tears down one of my damn fences again,” your father said, giving Hotch a quick pat on his arm, the one you hoped he didn’t fall on. “I gotta admit, you did a hell of a lot better than I thought you would.”

Aaron gave a little half laugh, something between finding a genuine humor in the situation and not knowing what else to do. “Thanks,” he said. You could hear the edge of a question in his voice, something that told you he wasn’t quite sure if he meant it or not. As the two of you walked back, your arm locked with his, you reassured him that your dad wasn’t one to give out compliments. Hotch joked and asked if that was considered a compliment, and you couldn’t help the smile that came to your face.

“In his own little way, yeah. And right now we are going to take what we can get.”

--

You took care of Hotch for the rest of the day, coddled him really. He tried to tell you that he was fine, that it didn’t hurt more than anything he had gotten on the job.  You pointedly told him that was a terrible scale considering most of the BAU had been shot at some point in their career. He only agreed a little, but you think he enjoyed the peace the day brought after his hectic morning.

The two of you sat on the couch most of the day, curled up against each other with a blanket as you kept the Hallmark channel on. Your mom joined for one of the movies considering these were her favorite things to watch during the holiday season. You may have inherited a love for their cheesy, cliche nature from her. Meanwhile, Aaron would point out plot inconsistencies or try to psychoanalyze the characters. You would throw a piece of popcorn at his face when he would, rolling your eyes and saying, “Aaron, babe, these movies aren’t supposed to be that serious. Now shut up and watch the successful journalist find her true love from high school in her hometown coffee shop.” 

You weren’t sure what movie you were on when you dozed off, your head on Aaron’s shoulder and his arm around you as he suffered through the cheesy movie you weren’t awake to watch. Your mother had gone to bed not too long ago. You were beginning to nod back into reality, and you noticed your side was colder than before, whatever body heat Aaron had given you was gone with him. You were starting to tune into a conversation in the kitchen.

“You really want to help out? 5:00a.m. I want you up and ready by then. I’ve got to feed the animals, and one of the fences needs repair.”

Was your dad really trying to get Aaron to help around the farm? You started to stir on the couch which quickly hushed both voices. When you looked up, Aaron was taking steps toward you. 

“Sorry if I woke you. The couch was starting to kill my back a little. Maybe an actual bed would be better to rest on after getting thrown off a horse.”

You gave a soft nod, still half asleep. “Yeah. Are you going to bed?”

“Yeah,” he said, nodding towards your dad in the kitchen, “early morning tomorrow.”

--

Aaron was no stranger to waking up early, though he hadn’t exactly planned on getting up that early during his time off. It’s okay, this is all for her. Just get him to tolerate you, he told himself. Your dad didn’t need to become his biggest fan. He just needed to see that he cared for you. And if that meant getting up before the sun and shoveling frozen shit in the snow, he would do it.

--

Five in the morning came much sooner than Aaron wanted it to. The sun wasn’t even up, so he found himself yawning much more than he would have cared for. At the very least, his new purchases would come into use. When he went out into town the day before, he did stop by the grocery store for flowers and coffee, but he also stopped by one of the stores that were tailored for western and work wear. The amount he spent buying work boots, cowboy boots, even a high-quality hat…Rossi would have laughed in his face if he ever found out. 

He pulled on the steel-toed boots, a slick design that he at least could find a way to style later. He didn’t want to drop nearly $200 on shoes he was just buying to appeal to your parents - he already did that with more traditional boots. Hotch pulled his puffer jacket a little closer and made his way to the porch where Curtis was already sitting with a cup of coffee. Of course.

As he opened the screen door, Curtis looked down at his watch, raising a brow. “Couple minutes late, but to be honest I thought you would have slept through morning chores,” he said, his eyes finally meeting Hotch and looking him up and down.

“What the hell are you wearing?” Curtis asked, his eyes specifically pointed down at his shoes. Well shit, Hotch thought, these clearly weren’t the right boots.

“They are work boots…with the steel toe,” he said, tapping the porch with the end of his boot.

“They are Blundstones,” Curtis said bluntly.

What did that even mean? “Is that not good?”

“Well for one, that’s the cleanest work boot I’ve ever seen. Second, Blundstones are what the frilly boys down in Houston wear when they want to look the part. Any real worker is wearing Ariat or Carhartt. Simple as that.”

Yes, the hierarchy of work boots. Simple as that.

“I’ll keep that in mind,” he said, shoving his hands into the pockets of his jacket. “Let’s get to work.”

It had snowed when they arrived, and though most of it had left yesterday, sometime during the night it started again. There wasn’t much on the ground, but it was still falling. He figured they would have a decent bit by the time you and your mother were up. While it was still relatively dark outside, the whiteness of the snow seemed to give just a little more light.

“First order of business, it’s cold enough that the top of the water in the horse’s trough might be frozen,” he continued on as he handed Aaron some kind of metal rod and gloves, “Just break it and get the chunks of ice out for them. Once that is done, you can get the feed out of this bucket here. Two scoops should do the trick, and if the goat that hangs out with the horses cries for more, don’t listen.”

Aaron followed the orders dutifully, feeling like he was back in training when he first joined the FBI. Sure enough, like Curtis said, the water at the top was frozen, but it didn’t take much to break it apart, tossing the glass-looking shards of ice to the side. He turned the buckets over, ridding them of the snow that had accumulated during the night and started to fill them with food. He had only put one scoop in when he heard a sound like thunder, a group of horses making their way to the edge of the fence, crunching snow beneath them. A little goat, white as the snow and with stumps on his head where it looked like horns should have been, followed right behind them.

Hotch continued to fill the buckets, putting two scoops in like Curtis had said. The horses had started to eat, and when he approached the last one, the goat seemed to be waiting patiently like some well-trained golden retriever. He placed the two scoops in and turned to leave, stopping only when he heard a loud bleating sound from the goat. 

“I’m not giving you anymore,” he said dryly.

The goat bleated again. 

“No.”

It cried again, an awful wavering sound with a touch of an attitude behind it.

“For God’s-”

“Hotchner, are you yelling at the damn goat?” Curtis called from the barn.

“No, sir,” he called back, his jaw setting as he looked back at the animal. “No more food,” he whispered, walking back towards the barn.

Curtis was already putting gloves on, a roll of barbed wire by his side. He handed Hotch a shovel and what looked to be a metal fence post. “Handsome wasn’t very kind to my fence after he threw you off yesterday,” he muttered, though he seemed rather unphased by it all. The more he spent time on the farm, the more he wondered how anyone could see these animals normally. Yeah, the five-foot-tall, nine-hundred-pound thing running and ripping your fence out of the ground is pretty normal.

The two men walked along the fencing and frozen ground, soon enough coming up to the post and wire that needed replacing. Even with the gloves, Hotch’s hands were freezing. The kind of cold where it almost feels like they are burning. “Let’s get this over with so we can go inside and get some coffee,” Aaron said, earning a raised brow from your father.

“Chickening out already?”

“I didn’t say that.”

“Well then get to diggin’.”

The ground was much harder to break than he thought it would be, but the physical work at least warmed him up a little. After a few hard strikes with the shovel, he finally had enough depth to where he could push the post in securely. Once the post was in, repairing the fence didn’t take long. Curtis connected it to the rest of the fencing and checked the stability before he called it a day and said the two of them should head inside. 

Hotch was happy to take off his coat and start brewing the coffee. The sun was just starting to appear, though it seemed that neither you or your mother were up yet. Curtis walked into the kitchen, grabbing a cup for himself. “You know, Aaron, I’ve got a confession to make.”

Whatever followed those words was never good. “Okay.”

“Usually I don’t make guests do farm work like that, you know. But after seeing you get on that horse yesterday…I kinda just wanted to see how far you would go. You seemed committed to trying to impress me, so I thought it would be fun to test it, and I believe I was right.”

Hotch leaned against the counter for a moment, listening to the coffee maker groan as the pot filled with the steaming liquid he hoped would get him through the conversation to come. “And? Are you impressed?”

“I suppose for a fed I shouldn’t be surprised by your dedication. I guess what I am still trying to figure out is why an older man like yourself, with a son, would want someone like my daughter. The answers to those questions are never something a dad wants to hear, but you can figure why I wanna know. Not to mention that you are her boss, and I won’t have you screwing up her career. I hate not to have her home, but that job makes her proud, and I won’t have you fuckin’ it up for her.”

Aaron didn’t want to admit it, but all of those were valid points. The optics of your relationship were…questionable at best. He knew that the moment you started your relationship. It was still something kept on the down low, even though you were practically living together. No one else in the BAU knew…except Rossi. He knew Hotch a little too well and connected the dots. And he caught the two of you having dinner out one night. Being aware of the faults didn’t get rid of the inherent power dynamics, though. Aaron was in a position of power over you, and the thought that you could have felt pressured at all made him sick.

“I know there is not much I can do about our age differences or the fact that she works under me, but I want you to know that there is nothing I wouldn’t do for your daughter, Mr. L/N. If need be, I have paperwork ready for a transfer. I would rather lose my job than lose her.”

It was the first time Hotch saw genuine shock cross Curtis’s face. “So you have actually thought about this?”

“I have…a lot. And I know that your daughter makes me the happiest I have ever been, and I hope I do the same for her. It’s why I got up this early on my time off to help, it’s why I agreed to ride that stupid horse and not complain when he threw me off. It’s why I dropped nearly $700 dollars on boots and a hat.” That last part kept the shock on Curtis’s face. “I did it because you are important to her, so I wanted you to like me.”

Curtis seemed to process all that he said, crossing his arms and starting to quietly fix his cup of coffee. Was he just going to leave the conversation there? He could see a slight rise and drop in his shoulders as he fixed the drink, and it took Hotch a little too long to realize he was laughing at him. 

“You’ve gotta be some special kind of stupid if you thought spending that much money on boots and a hat was gonna make me like you more. You really are a fed…but you’re alright, I reckon.”

He was alright. It was much better than any other outcome that has run through his head. “Thank you, sir.”

“Ah, now don’t get ahead of yourself. I’m still not exactly fond of your relationship…but you make her happy, and it’s pretty clear she’s doing the same for you.”

In the end, that was all that mattered to Hotch. That you were happy, and that he was the reason.

—

Like the morning before. You woke up more from the sun being in your eyes than your body telling you to wake up. The snow made the reflection of the sun much brighter. You groaned as you made your way out of bed, throwing on sweatpants and walking into the kitchen to find a sight you never thought possible.

Aaron and your dad were in the kitchen. They had both borrowed your mother’s aprons and were in the process of finishing up making breakfast. 

“Did Hell freeze over while I was asleep?” you asked, unable to hide just how baffled you were at the sight. You were sure your dad hated him.

“Sweetie, sometimes Christmas miracles do happen. Best not balk at them,” your dad joked. Aaron just gave a shrug that said something along the lines of “take what you can get.” Most of the food was already on the table and ready, the sunflowers Aaron had given your mother yesterday were in a vase at the center.

The spread on the table was a lot like the day before. Eggs, bacon, grits, and all the fixings. What was new, though, was the addition of pancakes that seemed to have something in them. “Are those pancakes with pecans?” you asked, a little more excited than you meant to sound.

“Just for you,” Aaron added, placing the bottle of maple syrup by them. The two of you would often make these at either of your apartments, usually listening to The Beatles’ white album from front to back. Sometimes you would even catch Aaron using the whisk as a microphone when he thought you weren’t looking.

You couldn’t help the feeling of peace that a breakfast like this gave you. Having your parents there reminded you of when you were a kid, but the kind of domesticity that was Aaron Hotchner making pancakes with a stupid apron was something that just couldn’t be replicated. It was simple, but it was perhaps what made you happiest.

After breakfast, you decided to take Aaron out for a walk, wanting to see how he was holding up with the pressure of your father. Selfishly, you also wanted to see if maybe he was thinking the apple didn’t fall far from the tree.

The snow under your feet was near perfect. Fluffy, not too frozen or mixed too much with water that hadn’t turned to snow. Each step it crunched under your boot with a satisfying sound. You forgot how beautiful the farm looked in winter. Icicles dangled from the gutter of the barn and little beads of melting ice clung to the trees like they were ornaments. The sun was out and heating up the land just a little to start to melt the snowy landscape, but for this moment it gave a bright sheen to everything.

Somehow in this snowy place, Aaron looked even better. The sun gave his black hair the lightest hints of a ruddy brown. The cool, nippy air gave his cheeks and the tip of his nose a dusted red hue. You were sure the tips of his ears looked that way too, though you couldn’t see for his beanie. He looked softer, more at peace than the supervisory special agent you knew at the BAU. This wasn’t Hotch. This was Aaron. This was the man you had fallen in love with. Even in the cold, bundled up like this with him felt like home.

“You know, this is the perfect snow for building stuff,” you said casually, looking at him out of the corner of your eye.

“Hm?” he raised a brow, seeming to wonder where you were going with this. You pulled away from his arm, leaning down and grabbing a handful of snow.

“You know, it’s perfect for snowmen and forts. When I was a kid I would make a snowman and then try and make snow farm animals,” you said, continuing to pack snow into a tight little unit. “Hey, Aaron?” you mused, waiting for him to look over before taking the compressed ball of snow and chucking it right at his face. It exploded right at his forehead, taking his beanie off. Flakes of snow clung to his hair, his eyebrows, his lashes. You could see a scowl starting to form on his face, and you were worried if you actually had hurt him or annoyed him. 

“You know, that was really immature of you,” he started, leaning down to pick up his beanie. You took a step forward, opening your mouth to apologize and instead having it filled with snow as Aaron launched some at your face. You took a step back, nearly losing your balance as you tried to spit out the cold. When you looked up, Aaron was doubled over, laughing and wiping the snow off his brow.

“Oh, that was a dirty move,” you said.

“I didn’t realize we were playing fair,” he said, breathless from his laughter, the clouds of his breath visible.

“We certainly aren’t now.” At the same time you both went for the ground, trying to craft an arsenal of snowballs as fast as you could. You were the first to throw, but he was quick on his feet and dodged, throwing one toward you and pelting you in the shoulder.

You weren’t sure how long this went on for, the two of you running around in the snow like little kids again. The way when you finally made it to his side, you tackled him to the ground. He rolled over, tossing snow in the air, in your face, in both your jackets. It was impractical, and childish, and stupid, and you hadn’t seen a smile this wide on his face in a long time.

--

The rest of the day was spent much like the day before, sitting at the television with the Hallmark channel going. It was sometime around 4:00 that Aaron spoke up and asked, “How long would it take you to get ready?”

You had an odd look on your face, your brows scrunched as you tried to understand what he could possibly have planned. “An hour, give or take a few minutes. Why?” 

He smiled a little, a curl of his lip that didn’t yet show his teeth. “Just get ready. Don’t be too fancy. Pants might be preferable,” he said, pressing a quick kiss to your cheek before leaving the couch. “I’ve got to get a shower before we go.”

You wanted to call after him ‘go where?” but he was already down the hall. He had that look in his eye, the one that showed up when he had a plan for a date night but didn’t want to tell you. Usually he was pretty bad at keeping secrets like that from you, but this time…you really had no clue what he had planned.

It wasn’t until a little over an hour later you sat in the kitchen, flipping through one of your mother’s worn cookbooks that you started to put the pieces together. You had dressed somewhat casually. Jeans, boots, and a nicer top, a jacket hanging on the chair beside you. When Hotch came out from the always, though, you weren’t sure whether you should laugh or find it a little hot.

At his feet were boots. Real boots with the pointed toe, though most of the design was hidden by his jeans. They were…different from the jeans he normally wore. A little tighter and actually showed off his ass a bit. You tried not to stare as he did a little spin, hands on his hip asking if you liked it. The belt buckle was huge, one you couldn’t tell the engraving of from this far away. His shirt was tucked into his jeans, a of type western-styled button-up, each button even up to the very top, done. And the cherry on top of it all was the cowboy hat. His fucking cowboy hat. White, clearly of well quality, and fitting him just right. You didn’t think cowboys were your type, but Hotch as one…you could get behind this.

Your silence seemed to worry him, though, as his face fell a little. “You don’t like it, do you?”

You shook your head, taking a few steps his way. “No, I like it,” you said and unbuttoned the top two buttons. “But now I love it.” You smiled against his lips as yours met his, lingering with your hands on his chest for a moment longer. “Should I even ask how much you spent on all of this?”

“When I let it slip to you dad, he compared me to a frilly Houston boy.”

“Oh, so what I’m hearing is I’ll be paying for food tonight?”

“Now, I never said that. Besides, if I have learned anything about your father, it’s that he liked tradition. So I will be paying, and driving, and dropping you off at a reasonable hour.”

You rolled your eyes a little, but you still had a smile on your face. Your dad and Hotch…you never actually thought the two of them would get along, but somehow he actually managed to win your dad over. Aaron wrapped your coat over your shoulders, your arm holding his as the two of you walked to the car. “Hey Aaron?” you mused, “Could you wear this a little more often?”

“Only for you - and only when we are far away from Virginia.” You gave your cowboy one more longing kiss before the two of you rode off into the night.

[que-serra-serra]

[Serennedy] Second Chances

Written for @serennedyshipweek23 day 2: Protecting one another. I went for a rewrite of the elevator + Krauser scene, hope you enjoy <3 Rated T | 3.8k words | ao3 link

“What do you mean, you were researching the Plaga!?” Leon demanded.

“I’m not sure how there’s any room for misunderstanding in that statement,” Luis said with an infuriating smirk. “Do you not have research in America? See, it is when dashing scientists such as myself—”

“Why the hell were you working for them!?” Leon interrupted the attempt at deflecting. “For once in your life, fucking be straight with me!”

Luis laughed, a mocking sound without any humor. “Be straight with you? Oh, amigo, you should have considered that before you shoved your dick down my throat.”

“For fuck’s sake, Luis!” Leon slammed his fist on the wall above Luis’ head with a bang.

The noise startled both men, and they quieted as the old elevator rattled and shook, the noise echoing through the mines. Thankfully, the elevator car kept moving up.

Finally, Luis sighed. “Look, I don't know what to tell you. I came back to this village to get away from my past mistakes, and only got roped into another disaster instead. It's my fault that Las Plagas evolved this far. Is that what you want to hear?”

“Yes. No.” Leon groaned and pushed off the wall, away from Luis. “I don’t know.”

That was a lie: Leon knew exactly what he wanted to hear. He wanted Luis to laugh at the accusations and say that he had nothing to do with the parasite. That he regretted his time at Umbrella and had changed after it, and was now just an unfortunate bystander who hadn’t spent the last few days lying in Leon’s face.

Of course, Leon’s life was never that simple.

“You know, you aren’t making this very easy,” Luis said.

“You’re the one who lied to me,” Leon shot back. “If you wanted easy, you should’ve been honest from the start.”

Luis snorted. “You would not have hesitated to shoot me on sight if you knew the full extent of my actions.”

“Then why even tell me now?” Leon snapped.

When Luis’ reply didn’t come immediately, Leon turned back to look at the man and saw an uncharacteristically somber expression on his face.

“Maybe I'm tired of living a shitty life,” Luis simply said.

Leon knew he should push more. He should yell at Luis and probably arrest him for putting countless lives in danger; God knows Luis seemed to think he deserved it.

“Why did you leave Umbrella?” Leon asked instead.

“Oh, we are returning to sin number one?” Luis said, then sighed. “I was young and reckless and Umbrella had unlimited resources and no pesky ethical code to follow. And so, my team researched parasites: what could possibly go wrong, right?” Luis’ mouth quirked up in a self-deprecating smile. “After an entire city was infected with Umbrella's cannibal virus and a bioweapon I helped create was set loose to wreak havoc, well, let's just say burying my head in the sand was no longer an option.”

No. No no no no—

“Raccoon City,” Leon breathed. “That was you.”

Luis winced. “Not all of it, technically, but… yes. Some of that blood is on my hands.”

Leon’s head was spinning. One of the few friends he'd made in the years following the worst night of his life, someone he’d even started entertaining the thought of building something with once this was all over, also had a hand in the incident that broke Leon in the first place.

Leon really should have known as soon as Hunnigan said the words Umbrella scientist.

“But I thought…” Leon said, desperate to make sense of everything. “What about the Birkins?”

Luis looked up in surprise. “The Birkins' pet project was the G-strain, not the regular T-virus or NE-alpha parasite. But you sure know a lot of very classified information.”

“Because I was there,” Leon said. He swallowed. “My first and last day as a cop, at Raccoon City PD. Conveniently located right above a secret Umbrella research facility.”

Luis stared at him wide-eyed. “And that's why they have you working for the government. Anyone who had seen the events would need to be kept under control, especially if they knew about the lab.”

Leon blinked; he knew Luis was a scientist, but it still caught him off guard how quickly he’d deduced the right conclusion.

Luis' face fell as the realization set in. ”That's what's wrong with you. You wanted to be a policeman to help people, yet you were forced into being a killing machine. They didn't give you an option, eh?”

That's what's wrong with you. The words cut deep, at the dark place inside Leon that he thought he’d buried six years ago.

“Is death an option?” Leon weakly joked.

“Oh, mi amor—ehm, amigo,” Luis quickly corrected himself.

But Leon had caught the slip-up, and it was like the metaphorical knife lodged deep inside twisted in the wound. He hadn’t known how much he'd miss the ridiculous Spanish pet names before they were taken away from him. 

“I know you probably won't believe me, but I am sorry,” Luis said. “If not directly responsible, I still played a part in the two worst events of your life.”

Leon nodded. He wondered what it said about him that his first instinct—after wanting to throw a predictable punch—was to say you're also one of the best things to happen in my life, so it evens out.

The elevator ground to a halt, then, their destination reached. They were finally close to the surface, yet Leon still felt like he was suffocating—not from the stale air of the mines, but from the thick tension between them.

“I wish you’d told me all this before we…” Leon trailed off.

Luis smiled that sad smile again. “I'll add it to my long list of regrets.”

Leon watched Luis sigh and walk out of the elevator, straightening his shoulders and forcing a spring into his step. 

“No matter, we have a princess to rescue!” Luis said, his voice that familiar mix of humor and teasing, like he was happy to pretend their conversation never happened.

Luckily for him, Leon didn’t like leaving things unfinished.

“Luis, wait.”

Before Luis could react, Leon grabbed him by the shoulders and shoved him against a wall of crates next to the elevator. For a heartbeat, they simply stared at each other, the tension crackling between them.

And then, when Luis didn’t protest, Leon leaned in and unceremoniously shoved his tongue down Luis’ throat.

Luis immediately moaned into the kiss and grabbed Leon’s shoulder straps to pull him closer, and that reassured Leon more than any empty promises could. After everything that had happened, Luis still trusted him with this; he let Leon manhandle him against the splintering crates and allowed Leon’s lips and tongue to take whatever he wanted.

Even if everything else had been a lie, there was no faking the attraction between them: the way Luis melted under his touch, the way Leon’s heart beat frantically in his chest, and the way they desperately clung to each other was all so very real. 

Luis’ hands slid up to wrap around Leon’s neck and a teasing tongue caressed Leon’s own, coaxing a deep groan out of the agent. Impatient hands pulled Leon closer and when he obliged, Luis sighed happily into the kiss, like there was nowhere else he’d rather be.

And that was the gist of it, wasn’t it? Luis had had plenty of opportunities to escape the cult while Leon mowed down ganados with gunfire and explosives. Yet he’d stayed right by Leon’s side, adamant on helping him and Ashley escape this rotten village.

Conflicting emotions raged within Leon and he stamped them down in favor of slanting his mouth against Luis' to deepen the kiss further, hands moving down from Luis’ shoulders to grip his narrow waist over the leather jacket. When Luis hummed in approval and arched into him, Leon wanted nothing more than to rut against him until they both forgot what they’d even been arguing about in the first place.

Unfortunately, they had more important things to get to than making out while Leon suffered an internal moral dilemma. When Leon reluctantly pulled away from the kiss, both men were panting for breath and Luis was blinking rapidly, like he could scarcely believe that had happened.

“I have to say, that was not what I was expecting,” Luis said.

Leon hesitated; there was so much he still wanted to talk about, but this was neither the time nor the place. The Plaga was raging inside Leon, slowly killing him, and Ashley couldn't be faring any better.

“I don't know what you expect me to do with all that information,” Leon said. “I’m… still pretty pissed off—”

“Understandable.”

“But I don't hate you. Even though I probably should.” Leon sighed. “I just… I've lost too many people.” He gripped Luis' jacket tight over his waist, hopefully conveying the meaning of I can't lose you too.

Luis laughed, the sound fake and ugly. “Oh amigo, there is no future for me. Even if I somehow make it out of this shithole, there are now two governments who want me out of the picture. And I doubt anyone will believe that I only wanted to help people, since not even you—"

Luis closed his eyes and took a breath and Leon resisted the urge to shake him, to force the whole story out of Luis and beg him to at least try to make Leon understand his past decisions.

When Luis opened his eyes and looked at Leon, his gaze was hollow. Leon had seen that look many times before; like a soldier who knew he would not be returning from the war, but who wanted to make every bullet count nonetheless.

"My story is one of hubris, and it does not have a happy ending," Luis said with bone-chilling certainty. "Best case scenario, I'll be behind bars for the rest of my life. Worst case—”

“No,” Leon said, hands balling into fists by Luis’ sides. “I won't let that happen. I'll get you out, you and Ashley, and—and I'll vouch for you, and the president…”

“Ha!” A bark of laughter came from behind them and Leon startled and stepped back. “Oh rookie, just as dumb as the day they brought you in.”

Leon recognized that voice, but there was no way…

"Who's there!?" Leon called, positioning himself in front of Luis. "Show yourself!"

In a blur of movement, none other than Major Krauser, Leon's mentor of four years and presumed dead for two, jumped down from a support beam overhead and landed neatly on his feet.

“You really think the government cares about one soldier? Or even a dozen?” Krauser said. “We’re expendable to them. You think good ol' POTUS would ever care what you have to say? Don’t make me laugh.”

For a brief moment, Leon considered that he was dreaming or having some sort of Plaga-induced hallucination. Even if Krauser was somehow miraculously alive, there was no reason for him to be here, in some rural Spanish village and crashing Leon’s solo mission.

“Cat got your tongue, rookie?” Krauser grinned, showing teeth. “Or did you lose it down your whore's throat?”

“Oye, rude,” Luis muttered. “This whore has a name, you know.”

Luis’ voice pulled Leon back to the present. Clearly this wasn't a hallucination if the Spaniard was sassing Krauser back.

“Major,” Leon said as levelly as he could manage. “What's going on? You were declared KIA two years ago."

“Fucking hell, you really are clueless,” Krauser sneered. “Four years of training with the best and you're still just a blue-eyed little kid. I should've offed you when I had the chance; would've been easy to make it look like an accident.”

The puzzle pieces started clicking into place in Leon’s head: blacked-out documents and the fact that Krauser's body had never been found. Modern military weapons scattered around an old Spanish village. Ashley’s kidnapping under the nose of some of the best agents in the world.

It had all been Krauser.

“I’m doing you a favor, really.” Krauser grinned, shifting his posture in an all-too familiar way. “Putting a weak, useless animal out of its misery.”

Just as Krauser surged forward, Leon reached for his gun—only he was too slow. In one lightning-quick move, Krauser’s knife was pressed to Leon’s throat and an arm restrained him from behind.

“Leon!” Luis yelled, pulling his pistol.

“Rookie mistake,'' Krauser ground out in Leon's ear, backing up and using him as a human shield. “A knife is always faster.”

“Luis, run!” Leon grit out, struggling against the hold. “I’ve got this!”

“I wouldn't do that,” Krauser said, now addressing Luis. “Unless you wanna see the pretty boy's throat slit.”

Leon felt the tip of the knife break skin and a drop of blood run down his throat. Luis’ grip faltered on his pistol, but he was making no move to escape.

“What are you doing? Go! Get the hell out of here!” Leon yelled.

After the conversation they'd just had, there was no telling what Luis would do. Men prepared to be sent to the gallows rarely made rational decisions, especially when the lives of their friends were concerned.

“What do you want, yanqui?” Luis' voice was surprisingly calm as he addressed Krauser.

“Just recovering stolen goods,” Krauser spat. “Hand over the amber.”

“Major, you don't have to do this!” Leon tried. “Snap out of it! If it's the parasite—”

“Shut up, brat!” Krauser elbowed Leon sharply in the spine and he bit back a pained grunt.

“Okay!” Luis said. He reached into his jacket and held something in his hand: a test tube glimmering with orange. “You want this, yes? I give it to you, and he goes unharmed.”

“Smart boy.” Krauser was smirking. “See, Leon? Smart boys know when they're outmatched.”

“Respectfully, Major, fuck you!” Leon kicked at Krauser, but only managed to hit his knee pad.

“Then here,” Luis said. He rolled over the tube, until it stopped at Krauser’s combat boots.

Without warning, Leon was thrown across the room and made impact with the cliff wall next to the elevator they’d just arrived in. He cursed as his shoulder took the brunt of the hit but quickly scrambled to right himself on the rocky floor.

“That's it, alright,” Krauser said, clinking his knife against the test tube now in his hands. Then he grinned, in a pure sadistic glee that made the hairs on Leon’s neck stand up. “Good thing our deal was only for his life.”

In one fluid move Leon had seen countless times before, Krauser threw his knife with impossible speed, and Leon only needed to see a shimmer of metal to know that it was heading straight for Luis' jugular.

Everything seemed to be moving in slow motion. The knife sailed through the air, too fast for Leon to warn Luis or throw himself in the way, and soon it would land in Luis' throat with a sickening squelch—

A shot rang out and with a clang of metal meeting metal, the knife embedded itself into a nearby crate instead.

Stunned silent, Leon stared at Luis: still with his pistol in hand, eyes wide in shock. Abruptly, Leon remembered their time at the shooting gallery and how good of a shot Luis actually was. Since he’d already had his pistol drawn, he must have acted purely on reflex to deflect the knife.

Leon looked back at Krauser while reaching for his own combat knife, anticipating a follow-up attack, but the former Major was already gone.

Knowing the immediate danger was over, Leon allowed himself to sag back against the cave wall in relief.

“Well, that was something,” Luis said, walking closer while glancing over his shoulder, pistol still in hand. “Are you alright, cariño?”

The casual endearment was like a warm caress after being dunked in ice water. Leon barked out a somewhat hysterical laugh, giddy with adrenaline and the pure absurdity of the situation,

“Yeah,” Leon said once he'd composed himself, meeting Luis' quizzical gaze. “I'm okay.”

Luis raised an eyebrow. “Are you sure you didn't hit your head too hard on the stone?"

"I'm sure," Leon said. “Just processing all the shit that went down."

“Fair enough.” Luis sat himself down next to Leon, then turned to him with a grin. “Did you see that shot!?”

Luis gestured at Krauser’s knife with a trembling hand and his smile had a manic edge to it. It looked like Leon wasn't the only one dealing with adrenaline jitters.

Leon smiled. “It was a nice shot.”

“Oh, a compliment? And a smile?” Luis teased. “I'll never let you live this down, Prince Charming.”

Leon huffed a dry chuckle, reveling in the familiar banter. “Don't get too used to it.”

“I, ehm.” Instead of a witty retort, Luis took a few pointed breaths, making Leon snap back to attention. “I actually think that you pulling me back to kiss me stupid just saved me from certain death,” Luis eventually said.

He had a point: Krauser had clearly been lying in ambush for them. He could have easily killed Leon had he wanted to, yet it was obvious that Luis and the tube—the amber?—had been his target.

“I need a smoke,” Luis announced.

Leon watched Luis’ trembling fingers procure a cigarette and then fumble with the lighter, dropping it on the ground with a soft curse.

Leon grabbed the lighter before Luis could. Even if he didn’t normally approve of smoking, a near-death encounter surely warranted an exception.

“Let me,” Leon murmured.

Luis nodded and leaned in. Leon flicked the lighter and held the flame steady, and soon Luis was dragging his first shaky inhale of nicotine.

“That’s better,” Luis said. “Much better.”

Leon placed the lighter back in Luis' still trembling hand and closed his fingers around it. He stamped down on the worry over seeing the man so obviously rattled: Luis being shaky with adrenaline was infinitely better than his throat gurgling as he choked on his own blood.

“I’m glad you're okay,” Leon said.

Luis grinned around his cigarette. “Come now, I can't leave my Sancho to save the princess alone. That would make a terrible story.”

Despite his attempted nonchalance, Luis intertwined their fingers around the lighter and squeezed, hard enough to almost hurt. Leon squeezed back; a silent I'm here. We're alright.

“The story needs its Don Quixote,” Leon agreed.

Luis laughed, and even if it was a little forced, it seemed like he was returning to himself. 

“And here I thought my references were flying right over your head,” Luis teased.

“Maybe there's more to me than just the trauma,” Leon said.

Luis smiled fondly. “Mi vida, you are so much more than a handsome face and great ass…kicking skills.” 

Luis winked and Leon huffed a laugh before getting to his feet.

“Come on,” Leon said, extending a hand. “Smoke break's over.”

Luis sighed but took the offered hand and let Leon pull him up. “Mierda, I nearly died and two minutes is all the break I get? You wound me, querido.”

Leon hesitated. “You could wait with the merchant—”

“Psht, I was only joking." Luis waved off the concern. “I have to protect my squire from the giants.”

The sentiment made Leon smile. Luis arched an eyebrow in response, before pointedly snuffing out his cigarette on the rock and looking up through his lashes. 

Not able to resist the obvious invitation, Leon leaned in—

And his communicator rang. Fantastic.

“Leon,” Ada's voice came through. “Still in one piece? Good.”

Of course she'd cracked his comms frequency. Of course she was checking in now, when Leon had fought through hell and back and been double-crossed more times than he cared to remember.

“What the hell, Ada!?” Leon snapped. 

Both Luis startling next to him and the tense silence from the other end spoke volumes of how uncharacteristic it was for Leon to lose his temper like this. At least with her.

“You're working with Krauser!? He's delusional, Ada—whatever your employer's claiming, he's fucking lost it. He even tried to kill Luis!” Leon said.

Ada was silent for a beat, then calmly asked, “What?”

Luis' chin came to rest on Leon's shoulder, speaking into the earpiece. “Holá, bonita,” Luis said. “A little bump in the road: the former Major just tried to murder me, but he settled for the Plaga sample. Since he has the amber, I assume this means our deal is over.”

“Murder—” Ada said. “Leon, put Serra on the line.”

Leon obediently handed his earpiece over, trying to ignore how easily he was going along with her request.

Luis put some distance between them and listened to Ada while nodding along whatever she was saying. Then, “Do not yell at me!” Luis exclaimed, gesticulating wildly even though Ada couldn't see him. “He would have killed us both! And trust me, I am very interested in curing our prince, but I can't do that while dead, hm?”

With that, Luis held the communicator out to Leon with a sardonic smile. “It's for you.”

"A bump in the road, huh?” Leon said, placing the device in his ear.

"Krauser is nothing but a means to an end that forgot his place," Ada said even more icily than usual, and Leon could hear the distinct cock of a gun. "Your girl is being held at the clocktower."

With that, the line cut out as Ada disappeared in her typical fashion. At least she'd provided them with new intel.

Luis nudged Leon's side and smirked. “Women, eh?”

Leon snorted. “Don't let her hear you say that.”

“She seems awfully fond of you,” Luis said. “For a heartless mercenary, anyway.”

“Yeah, well, jury says I've got shitty taste in women.” Leon paused, then added, “And men, apparently.”

Luis' smile widened into a grin, not seeming to take any offense. “And boy, does that work in my favor.” He clapped a hand on Leon’s shoulder. “Now come, Sancho, the princess awaits!”

“Not so fast,” Leon said, brushing off the hand. “You can tell me all about your little deal with Ada while we walk.”

“Ah, mierda.” Luis scratched his neck, smiling sheepishly. “You see, when I was planning my escape and had no idea that I would find a very strong, very beautiful American agent to protect me—”

Leon rolled his eyes and nudged Luis to make him start walking, already strapping in for a long and needlessly complicated story.

And if Leon stayed much closer to Luis than before and silently vowed to protect him better, well, that was nobody's business but his own.

[peachesofteal]

I think Mitski’s I'm Your Man might be kind of fitting for Dead Disco (though I couldn't tell you why I thought of the song when I read chapter 10, truthfully, because I'm not sure if it actually does fit

Edit : i don’t know if this song fits either but Zach Bryan’s something in the orange also reminded me of this

These are very lonely songs, I admit)

And this chapter was gut wrenching by the way, absolutely brilliantly written. it left an ache in my chest that I hate to want to cradle close like a dog licking its wound. Especially when darling shouted at simon to not corner her, when she asked johnny if it chafed him too, when there were bits and pieces of conversation that you remember but at the same time can’t and aren’t sure if you remember right. It’s everything i feel too familiar with and am so astounded to see you have translated so beautifully into words.

In one post I think you said that darling was medicated but not in active therapy? That was me for a while, and i remember it being a kind of purgatory of i’m fine, im fine, imfineisaidit’sfinethat’senoughnow ; i know none of what i wrote really makes sense and it’s probably all jumbled because im tired and cold right now but i love rereading all of your writings because it’s like rereading my favorite book everytime.

( I think simon really would have to take advantage of his saved up leave, that darling would have to start going to therapy for real, that johnny might have to come back a bit more often if he even can. It hurts to think that things have to fall apart even when you try to keep it intact, that you have to prick your fingers on the edges of shattered glass because you are going to glue it back together even when you think it might look better broken.

None of this makes sense and I am very tired but I have a special place in my heart for chapter 10 and i just…really wanted to tell you)

All of this made sense to me, and I agree with your two song choices as well 🖤 I’m your man is definitely Dead Disco coded, as well Something in the Orange:

[askamnesiamoonjumper]

edit: HEY EVERYONE LOOKING AT THIS POST GO READ AAU FIC RIGHT NOW BC IM TIRED OF THIS POST BEING IN MY NOTIFS 24/7💥💥💥💥

Ok sorry about that now back to your regularly scheduled program: A!au toh au when??

Yeah hi I was bored n thinking about this idea and also wanted to do a style study for toh, (ignore that I had to use bases for the bodies I couldn’t draw them😭 my lines where too shaky I’m not the best at tracing stuff so I cheated a tiny bit) I had originally thought of this idea ages ago in a doodle where they all went to hexide and it was more a high school au if anything but now that the show is further along I thought of a more fleshed out idea for this hypothetical au!

Technically this could count as just a regular Ahit toh au BUT I based it off of ideas and hcs in aau so yeah I’m sticking with that

Also the characters aren’t one to one with toh characters it’s more just a “how would these characters and their story translate over to toh universe” thing but most characters can be tied to a toh character as being based on/in the role of if that makes sense like I said it’s a bit of a mixing pot with the characters

Uh yeah info about the basic idea for the characters/story:

The whole story with prince and Vanessa instead of prince getting locked in a cellar to die van curses him instead, but somehow idk how yet he ends up turning the tables and splitting the curse with her. I like the idea that prince is from his respective time period as Ahit and falls through a time pool so we get the same concept of this guy is old and from a long time ago just with skipping over the death ghost part so yeah he gets sent to present Snatcher is basically the eda character he has the curse and takes elixir (which I hc is blue bc haha Ahit reference)

If it’s not obvious from her design Vanessa is the belos of this au lol Probably instead of the emperors coven it’s something like the Queen’s court? I think it’s got a neat ring? Anyway yeah uh not much to say about her she’s basically the same lol, also I like the idea she uses illusions to hide her appearance and also to manipulate mj and the citizens 👀

mj is basically a combo of s2 Lilith and Hunter! He’s a grimwalker made by Vanessa to replace prince basically he’s made to be her perfect fairy tale Prince Charming that loves her and would never ever betray her <oblivious But yeah same idea as Hunter of being made as a clone of someone else BUT they’ve got a more similar role to Lilith in which they end up befriending the main cast and living with them Also included their “golden gaurd” design not sure what to call it? Moon prince? Moon something idk lol you guys might could help with that but yeah that’s the fit they got when with van also we got blood Amy too in which Vanessa gives her curse to mj after finding his palismen (she eats them belos style ofc lol) speaking of I still need to draw the palismen but I have some cool ideas!

Dels idk what to say besides uh she lives with snatcher n we still got the qpr going ofc lol sorry I don’t got much on her 💔 though I DID consider making her a star child to go with the twilight god thing but I also considered making eclipse a star child because the design is similar plus gives an excuse for him to be here without the fusion plus I think Vanessa using eclipse sounds cool it makes sense he’s prince in canon so like ofc she’s drawn to him but yeah still thinking about that

Time twins are our luz stand in, hc timmys jacket is snatchers like luzs jacket is eras bc I think it’s cute lol dont question why he has it idk I didn’t have the time pool idea at the time and bow is kinda like the willow/gus of the group and mu is the amity? Mu being a bully at first until joining the friend group n stuff and bow being the sweet straight man to the rests antics

Drawing time twins with round ears was cursed Anyway mu is a hybrid still, She’s half witch half eberwolf species! Cooking cat and Sam get to be her bio parents here instead of adopted so that’s cool

Shapes is the Vee stand in and omg they where really fun to design

I like the idea of the changelings/council being titan trappers? Considering they’re a cult? I think it sounds cool so maybe like shapes sneaks in with a disguise or like the trappers take them in or the trappers are basilisk in this universe? Idk considering no one in the cast is a titan it wouldnt really make sense so like maybe they are basilisk or basilisk hunters? Still chewing on the council lol sorry

Sorry I’ve been putting it off BUT curses!: basically same logic as canon they go by eda and belos logic respectively so van is a creepy skeleton cryptid ass monster and snatcher is a animal beast! BUT he’s not a bird like eda or Lilith ,and also not a snake though that would fit in being a more obvious choice, he’s ACTUALLY a ferret! Mostly bc I thought it was funny but it stuck lol they are furry and noodly so it works, plus I’m a sucker for the monster has innocent name but is actually terrifying trope lol, also idk about blood moon? They get cursed yeah but I don’t think they get transformed into anything mostly bc I have no ideas for them lol plus it’s more focused on the illusion hypnosis whatever abd not the curse itself

Anyway on to covens/magic specialties! The kids are obvious because they have the uniforms lol but I’ll still list them anyway: Time twins: Oracle/illusion Bow: beast keeping Mu: constructed Prince: Oracle/bard Snatcher: Oracle/potion Delilah: plant/healing Mj: bard Vanessa: illusion Shapes: abomination

But yeah that’s kinda it lol I do plan to add more doodles or ideas later but yeah hoo boy these took forever but it was a fun style challenge plus fun to design everyone!

Sorry if these notes are kinda all over the place oof I didn’t bother to double check them so sorry if it sounded rambley

[happyimagines]

Chicago PD: Jay/Reader

I was always told to never drive angry. I was told to take a deep breath, and then drive. And maybe if I did, I wouldn’t have had to skid and swerve and hit the curb with enough force to know that my car would need to go to a shop. The moon had taken its place in the night sky, and thankfully I had stopped on a street that was lit with enough lamps to feel slightly comfortable waiting for a tow. Slightly.

Taking a needed breath to calm myself, I went through my contacts. It was a night off, one that didn’t come around too often. And one that needed to be taken advantage of. That also meant that there was a chance that Kim wouldn’t answer her phone. After a few rings, it went to voicemail. Knowing that Adam and Kevin’s would do the same, I still attempted to call only to end up with the voicemail messages.

Finally, I called Jay.

The phone was answered after one ring.

“Aren’t you meant to be on a date?” He asked chuckling. Behind his voice, there were people singing karaoke.

“Supposed to be.” I sighed. “Look, I know it’s our night off, but I need help.”

“Are you okay?” There was an edge to his voice that told me the humour he answered with was gone.

“I’m fine. I hit a curb, and something’s wrong with my car. I called a tow and I don’t want to wait alone.” I took another deep breath.

“Okay,” Jay said after a beat. “Send me your location, I need to pay my tab. Do you want me to stay on the line?”

“Sending it now, and no, I’ll see you when you get here.”

Thankfully I hadn’t stopped too far from Jay’s location, probably Molly’s, as his car pulled in behind mine ten minutes after we hung up. I opened the car door and stepped out.

“What happened?” Jay asked as he met me at my car.

“To the car or the date?”

“Both!” Jay knelt down and began looking at my car to see what kind of damage I had done. As he did, I noticed him looking up from the car at my outfit from the date.

“Well, I think I damaged the axel. Something ran out, I think it was a cat or something and I swerved and hit the curb.” I kicked the tire lightly as I explained. “As for the date, we sat down, and then he got a phone call. Turns out that another girl he was interested in was free and he left.”

“Wait, he stood you up after you guys got to the restaurant?”

“Exactly! Thankfully we didn’t order anything, because I’m sure I would’ve had to pay his bill too.” I pinched my nose. “I basically got angry and left after him and I wasn’t thinking straight.”

“Makes sense. The guy’s an idiot by the way.” Jay offered with a smile. I smiled back and shivered as a gust of wind blew towards us. “Do you want to sit in the truck?”

“Yeah,” I nodded and followed after Jay towards his truck. He opened the passenger side door and gestured for me to get in. Once he got in, he started the car and the heating came on warming us.

“Thank you.” I said after sitting in silence for a few minutes. “I appreciate this.”

“Of course. I saw you calling Kim and Kevin and figured I’d be next.” Jay shrugged his shoulders and I looked at him. “They were singing at Molly’s when you tried to call.”

“Oh.” I nodded. “I thought that was a dying whale and you were watching a nature documentary.” I joked causing Jay to laugh. “But seriously, thanks.”

“You’d do the same if it were me.”

Before I could reply, the tow truck arrived. I began opening the door and as I did, Jay raised a hand to stop me as he got out and made his way to the tow truck driver. I watched as he spoke with the driver as the car was hooked up and he took the information as to where the car was going to be taken.

“I know a guy, and he’ll probably be able to get the car running back to normal by tomorrow night.” Jay told me getting back in. He handed me a business card of the garage he sent the car to. “I’ll take you there tomorrow.”

“Oh, thanks.” I took the card and put it into my bag. “I can just call a cab and I’ll let you get back to Molly’s.”

“Are you kidding?” Jay looked at the clock. “It’s like seven, if you want, we can get something to eat. You said it yourself that you didn’t eat. Besides, you’re already dressed for a date.”

“Is this your way of saying you want to take me on a date?” I teased. Jay rolled his eyes.

“How about we just get something to eat?” Jay asked before starting the car.

[nikofortuna]

JTTW Chapter 20 Thoughts

Chapter 20 for the @journeythroughjourneytothewest Reading Group! We’re through one fifth of the story! Also CW for snakes under the cut.

Tang Sanzang repeating the Heart Sutra this much reads to me like he’s got a new hyperfixation. Which is incidentally also a vocal stress stim for him if you will.

“[D]ined on the wind and rested by the waters, who clothed themselves with the moon and cloaked themselves with the stars” quite a fancy way of saying they were out camping. Though I doubt that the flowers are gone in summer, flowers still bloom in summer merely different kinds than in spring.

“[T]here are three of us altogether.” Aren’t you forgetting someone? Say a certain white currently long-faced individual maybe?

Oh if this was a play someone should have yelled from the back “Or transformation magic!” since both of them are capable of it. Though both of them did already mention being tired from travelling, so perhaps that is why they aren’t using it more liberally. Aside of Sun Wukong not caring much about what other people think of his appearance.

Yellow Wind Ridge sounds more like it’s a mountain range instead of a singular mountain.

More animals to check out! But first something I took note of when checking the poem in the Original Chinese. When going through the animal portion of it there were a lot of characters being repeated twice, which unfortunately didn’t show at all in English. I think some of those character pairs represent the sounds the animals make since they don’t seem to have much translation into actual words, none that make sense in context anyways. That’s only a guess of mine though, I’m not entirely sure since I can only get insight from translators and this also only counts for some of them not all. For example [丫丫叉叉yā yā chā chā] which is before the deer doesn’t translate to much with Google Translate, but [盤盤曲曲pán pán qū qū] before the snake does translated to “coiled”.

Anyways the character for deer is nonspecific again, so it indeed just means a deer with antlers. Though there were definitely no antelopes mentioned, it is likely just another deer as the J. F. Jenner translation reads as well.

[紅鱗蟒Hóng lín mǎng] indeed translates to “red-scaled python” and is likely a Python Brongersmai which is native to Southeast Asia! They are short but chonky. Most variants are also called Blood Python and one is specifically called Red Blood Python!

This here beauty is an albino!

I don’t know which monkey could be meant here specifically as my search only came up with potential species that are not native to Asia. My best guess is that it might just be an ape with a hairless face and not actually a “white” face.

Lastly the “blue bill” mentioned in the Anthony C. Yu version does not come up in any other. It’s a little misleading as there is no bird mentioned in this bit at all. Instead it is the mountain that is being described again.

Ah yes, the way to greet people by ripping off your own skin! Well, it probably is useful to shut people up.

I wonder what was named after what. Did the Yellow Wind Demon take up the name after his dwelling or did he name the place after himself?

The German translation brings up an interesting aspect regarding the Yellow Wind [黄風 huángfēng]. Yellow represents the middle, the spleen and thought! Citing Liu Yiming Yellow Wind here carries the meaning of erratic ‘windy’ thinking and unstable consciousness. In turn the Yellow Wind Monster stands for a ‘wrong’ kind of thought, so only after overcoming them can there be true inner peace.

More deer! Specific deer this time as well! One of them at least, the first one is just an unspecified deer with antlers again. The second however is a [香獐 xiāng zhāng] or indeed a Musk Deer! Though a Google search of the characters also brings up Chinese Water Deer, which given their similarities makes sense.