#they all died relatively fast unfortunately after a few months but we tried taking care of them as best as we could

[apollos-olives]

do Palestinians like birds as pets? I know that y’all like cats, but do you like birds? And if so, what type of bird is commonly a pet in Palestine?

we do!! i know many people who keep birds as pets, even some family members as well. we love taking care of doves. we think they're very beautiful, and we incorporate a lot of dove symbolism in our culture. we keep other low maintenance birds like budgies or parakeets or lovebirds, yk small birds. people often have chicks and chickens, roosters, and even turkeys that you can often find on the market to buy as well. i hope this answers your question :)

[burning-omen]

Breaking the Rules Part 1

Peter Parker x Male!Mob boss!reader

Part 2

Summary:  After giving up hero work in 2025 Peter Parker had to find a new line of work. Now, after working with the mob 4 years he gets recognized. Not that he was actively seeking it out, it sorta just happened. Now he has to make a decision, does he want to climb the rankings and work with his boss or does he want to stick to being an unknown associate and stay at the bottom...

Warning: Murder mentioned, a little kidnapping

Word count: 3736

Not a day in his life did Peter think he’d actually miss hero work. He didn’t really care for saving people anymore. No, he gave up on that dream. Instead, he decided to do low level, but high paying, mob work. While it did go against his morals, he was poor and needed money. And you can’t make money from being a vigilante. 

Despite the eternal moral conflict this caused him, he still continued doing it. What was ‘it’? Well, It was mostly money laundering, debt collection and maybe, on an extremely bad day, a little bit of extreme bodily harm.

While the things he did, did haunt his dreams and cause night terrors.(Which caused Mary-Jane, not Michelle Jones she comes in later, to break up with him.) An unfortunate event which throws him even deeper into his work. 

His excessive workforce had made him a valuable associate. His superhuman abilities always made it easy from jobs to get done much faster than normal. 

You only noticed him after a rather small spike in money. It was unexpected, seeing as your last deal was made over a month ago. So a sudden spike, even a small one was confusing. 

After looking through a few files, a few being about 100, you found a very consistent name. Peter Parker. He’d been mentioned to you before but never in great detail. And now he was bringing in piles of money. It may not have been an extremely large amount but money was money. And for someone that was on the lowest level that you could be, he worked hard. 

You wanted to know more about him, not for any real or dire cause, you just wanted something to do in between deals. And he seemed to be the perfect thing for you to cast your interest on. 

Sending out Richard, your bodyguard, and two other associates that you hadn’t bothered to learn the name of was, what you thought, would be your best bet at bringing him in. But when only Richard and one of the associates return, telling you that they'd gotten their asses kicked and that Jimmy, the other associate had dropped dead in an alley on their way but that was proved to be untrue.

The other associate and, unfortunately, Richard seem to have magically showed up in a dumpster with their tongues cut out a few hours later. Can’t have either of them telling anyone about your new found interest in Peter. It’d make other low level associates think they’d have any kind of chance.

So, after a week of getting(now dead) people to stalk Peter and report back to you, you decided that now was the time to confront your latest fascination. His fighting skills and apparent superhuman abilities wouldn’t be a problem seeing as you were a mutant yourself. But that wasn’t common knowledge, not even in your closest circle of “friends”

You watched him from your black, completely unmarked car. It was rare that you drove but you rather not have someone else with you. 

He walked down the street in a sort of timid fashion. Checking each corner before turning it, speeding up when having to cross dark alleys. Soon he reached a large, dingy apartment complex. Quickly he climbed up the fire escape stairway and into a window on the seventh floor.

You parked your car in the extremely dark alley next to the apartment and made your way to the front entrance. There was a keypad that unlocked the door but the passcode was relatively easy to figure out seeing as 4, 5 and 0 were the only numbers that had no paint. You guessed it on your second try.

As soon as you entered you b-lined to the elevator, where an older woman stood, trying to hold all of her groceries together but struggling with the bags. 

Now, you may be a money laundering, murderous gambler but you weren’t an asshole.

You walked over to the woman, who was just barely holding her groceries together.

“Would you like some help?” 

It felt strange. The soft tone in your voice that hadn’t been used in years. You were so used to being mean and rough that showing this sort of basic kindness seemed foreign to you.

The woman turned around and smiled thankfully. “Please.”

You smiled back at her and grabbed the majority of the bags.

“Oh thank you, a nice young man usually helps me but I haven’t been able to find him..” she said, reaching for the elevator button.

“Which floor are you heading to?” You said as you stepped into the elevator behind her.

“The seventh floor, what about you?”

“What a coincidence, I was also heading there.”

She turned to you with a surprised look on her face.

“Really? I don’t think I’ve ever seen you around here before.”

“Just visiting a friend.”

As you said, the elevator dinged and the door slid open.

“My apartment is just down here.”

She led you down a long hallway then to a crappily painted wooden door. 

You helped her bring the groceries inside, she thanked you and just before she closed the door you asked.

“Do you happen to know where Peter Parker is? He’s my friend but his apartment number has completely escaped my mind..”

She brightened up at the mention of Peter.

“Oh Peter, such a sweet man. He lives in 713, right down the hall.”

“Alright, thank you.”

You walked down the hallway, reading every number on the doors.

710

711

712

713

Here he was. Of course you could have just looked up where he lived but that could have been traced. And you decided not to leave any sort of footprints that would have led anyone to him.

You knocked on the wood slowly. Soon, you heard footsteps rushing to the door. A second later it swung open.

Oh, he’s so much more...nice looking when you are this close to him.

It was clear that he didn’t recognize you. Why would he? He’s just a low level associate, hardly even a member of the mob so of course he didn’t know you. But the concern in his face was clear, despite his futile attempts at masking it.

“H-hi..” he stuttered out.

Great going Parker, let the strange man in front of you know how intimidating he was.

“Peter Parker, it's nice to finally meet you.”

Peter looked up at you(yes up, always expect the reader to be tall.), the confusion and fear in his face evident.

“Who are you?” He asked in a shaky voice.

“That’s not important right now, what is important is that you are coming with me.”

The piece finally clicked in his head that you were somehow connected to the three men that had come a few days ago.

He tried to slam the door but it hardly moved and inch when you pushed your hand against it. You could feel how hard he tried, if he didn’t stop he’d break the door.

Once the realization of ‘oh shit he’s strong’ hit he panicked. Scrambling away as fast as he could. Only to trip over himself and nearly hit his head on the coffee table.

He stood up, but before he could get any farther he was pinned against the wall with both hands held above his head. He pushed against your hands but you didn’t budge.

Peter panicked, his strength is what normally got him out of situations like this. But he never expected for this to happen with someone stronger than him.

“Will you calm down, I only want to talk.”

Peter gulped and nodded, attempting and primarily failing to calm himself.

“Listen, your recent work has caught my attention and so has your impressive fighting abilities. Not the ones you showed me tonight, no. It's clear that you're exhausted. What I’m talking about is how you kicked an employee of mine once and he died a few minutes later..”

Without even attempting to process the fact that he’d drop kicked somebody to death, he attempted to whimper out, “I’m sorry-“ but was cut off by you.

“I’m not here to take an apology from you. What I need is for you to come with me.”

The panic in his face became clearer and clearer as he tried to somehow pull himself away from you.

“Stop struggling, it's only going to make this more difficult..”

He shook his head and tried to twist his hands out of yours. He failed but that didn’t stop him from trying to kick you away.

He landed a few good kicks, which really only succeeded in leaving dirty footprints on your pants and pissing you off.

“Will you stop already, this isn’t doing anything..”

“Let me go!” He shouted, still kicking and squirming.

“I’ll let you go if you calm the fuck down!”

He stopped for a moment and stared at you.

“Really?”

“Yes, really. Now will you stop. I only wanted to talk, just not in such an exposed area.”

You only wanted to talk. The words did calm Peter down a bit, but the thought that you could be lying kept him on edge.

“Okay…”

Peter stopped fighting against your hands, letting his arms go limp, the only thing still holding him up there was you. He tried to even out his breath as much as he could, staring into your eyes he’d finally relaxed.

“Fucking finally. I’m going to let go now. Promise you’ll behave.”

“I-I promise..”

“Good,” you said, finally letting him go.

You both stood there for a moment, both making sure that the other wouldn’t make any moves.

After a few seconds you sighed. Standing there staring at each other wasn’t going to do much but piss you off even more.

“Alright, let’s go.” 

You turned around and walked out the front door. Peter followed after you, nearly tripping again as he caught up with you.

“So what did you want to talk about?”

“I’ll tell you about it when we get there.”

“‘There’? Where are we going?”

“My office, it isn’t too far from here..”

“O-okay..”

By the time the two of you had gotten to your car Peter had a million questions. Most of them along the lines of ‘who is this and where is he taking me?’

You made Peter sit in the back, you’d rather not have the risk of him jumping out of the car and the child safety locks in the back seat doors prevented that. About 5 minutes into the drive Peter began to realize how similar the drive to your office and the way he walked to ‘work’ were.

“So, um, where is your office?”

“You’ll see...”

There really was no point to keeping it a secret but the look in Peter's face when he realized where he was was worth it.

“Wait, I-“

“-Work here? Yes I know. Now let’s go.”

You got out and opened the door for him to get out too. He still had the most confused and nervous look on his face.

Walking past the giant room where most associates where assigned things to do for the day he saw the people he’d worked with and the people that told him to never go up the flight of stairs that you were currently dragging him up. Up there was different from the rest of the building. It was nicer and more expensive looking. It’s where the higher up people got their ‘assignments’. He was told very specifically and graphically what happens to low level associates who went up there. And now here he was, standing at the top of the stairs as you dragged him farther onto the second floor. 

Then you took him to the third floor, and then the fourth. Peter never heard much about anything above the second floor, just that only four people were allowed on the fifth. Apparently you were one of those four people because the heavily armed guards didn’t bat an eye when you went up with him behind you.

The fifth floor was completely empty but decorated just as the three floors below were.

“Not many people get to see this, so consider yourself lucky.”

Peter, whose mind was running a million miles per second in a confused jumble of ‘what the fuck is going on, didn’t give a legible response. Only a jumble of confused sounds.

You laughed at him, then grabbed him by the wrist and pulled him along.

“Let’s go, my office is on the next floor.”

Now Peter's head was spinning because he’s pretty damn sure that there were only 5 floors in this building. But he stood corrected as they came upon another, shorter flight of stairs.

This floor was different. It was still decorated with expensive looking items but unlike the floors below it looked like the color had been drained out of it. It was filled with slick black and silver.. well, everything. There was hardly any color in the room other than the white curtains that hung up on the window.

Peter didn’t get much time to look around as you pulled him into a large office and pushed him into a chair.

This room had a little more color, along with the black there was red and instead of silver there was gold. It reminded him of his past hero work but he shook it off and stared at you.

You’d noticed he’d been distracted for the majority of the way to your office. Most of his distractedness was accompanied by muttering in babbling where the most legible thing he said was “holy shit”.

You walked around the desk near the large window in the back and pulled out the chair behind it. Peter sat on the other side, looking nervous as all hell.

“I’m going to skip the intimidation thing because you're already relatively scared.”

Peter shook his head. “I’m not-“

“Peter, scaring people is what I do for a living. I’m sure that I know when someone’s scared.”

He didn’t say anything after that.

“So,” you grabbed the slim file off of your desk and slid it over to him. “Do you see that slight raise in money?”

Peter stares at the folder for a moment before timidly reaching up and grabbing. When he opened it he saw a piece of paper with dates and cash amount. One was circled in red ink with the words ‘sudden raise but no deal’ written under it. Next to that was a date, ‘September 2, 2029’. That was one of the days that Peter had to work, but having gotten little to no sleep the previous night he just wanted to hurry up and get his job done. He sped through his work but still had to wait tables at the mob casino. So he chugged a shit ton of coffee and got back to work. Throwing out people who clearly weren’t getting them any money and letting in people who were clearly big betters. Which caused a very sudden boost in money. Maybe not a big one in the collective records but it was big enough for him to be forced to take more shifts due to his work ethic. Which was mostly just ‘kick anyone who bet less that 5,000 dollars out’. While most other associates gave them a while to ‘warm up’ he just gave them the boot the moment they went lower than 5,000.

At the bottom of the page it said his name and the date of the small boast.

Looking back up at you he closed the folder and sat it back on the table.

“Is this what you wanted to talk about?”

“Yes, it is. You see, most people at your level tend to do the bare minimum when working, which is fine. Most of them aren’t really doing any important work. But you somehow went above and beyond at one of my smallest casinos and managed to make a raise in money that went onto my charts is just...astounding.”

“I still don’t understa- wait, did you say it was your casino?”

The very sudden and obvious realization that he was talking to his boss. Actually no, his boss was some middle man named Felix, you were basically his bosses, boss. No, you were basically his bosses fucking god.

“Oh..oh no…”

He shrunk down in his seat, pushing the seat back a bit.

“Is something wrong, Peter?” You said, the smirk obvious in your voice.

“...I’m an idiot.” He mumbled to himself.

“I have several documents that say otherwise.”

He straightened up in his seat and tried to steady himself after getting the shock of a lifetime(it wasn’t really that shocking but Peters kind of a dumbass..).

“So what exactly do you want from me?”

“Well,” you stood from the chair and walked around to the front of the desk then leaned on it, placing both of your hands by your side to balance you. “Running small casinos, hell, even owning huge casinos isn’t what I do primarily. That’s just something for my low level people to do while I run more...illegal type games.”

Peter tried his hardest to come up with a way that this included him.

“You see, I’ve been looking for a new bouncer for these games, but you can’t just hire anyone to be a bouncer for those types of games. Some of the most influential people in the world attended these games and they bet a lot more important things than money. But you can’t just throw people like that out when they make a bad bet, not when they're paying someone to kill you if you did. My last guy, Michael, had been with me for 9 years. Since the very beginning of these games. He died a few months back.”

Before Peter could give his condolences you held up your hand, stopping him.

“I don’t need your sympathy, what I do need is your work ethic. When I saw that spike in money from that night I sent out some people to spy on you. It was an invasion of your privacy, I know, but I just had to know which little newbie was bringing in all of that money.”

You leaned down, holding both of Peter’s wrists down to the arm rest(for dramatic effect). Feeling the panic from earlier rise in him again Peter tried to push you away but to no avail.

“In short, I need you to work for me. Well, more than you already do now. There aren’t many people like you who are willing to work for people like me, Peter..”

“Y-you mean like us?”

You only raised an eyebrow at him, a simple way of telling him to continue.

“W-what I mean is that you have to be ridiculously strong to hold me down with hardly any strain. So people like us normally aren’t willing to work for people like you..” 

It was only after he’d said that did he realized that he was going to start rambling soon, so he decided to stop there.

You stared at him for a moment, most people would rather not put themselves in the same category as you. But he’d done it willingly and rather loudly, you might add. You leaned back, letting go of his wrist and crossing your arm.

“I like you Peter. You’re...interesting to say the least..”

Peter’s cheeks flushed red and he smiled nervously.

“I..um, thank you?”

You smirked down at him, watching him fumble with his fingers and tug at the end of his shirt softly.

“So about my offer. I’ll let you sleep on it, you can tell me whether or not you want the job tomorrow.”

Peter nodded with a small smile.

“Thank you..”

“Not a problem, is rather not have you make this decision as tired as you are. come on, let me drive you home.”

You took Peter back down 5 flights of stairs and back to the car you’d brought him here in. Letting him sit in the front this time you drove off. 

Half way through the drive Peter dozed off, it may not have been the best thing to do around someone who definitely has more than a few kills under his belt but he was passed exhausted and really needed to rest. The last thing he saw before falling to sleep was the dark road ahead of them.

By the time you made it back to Peter’s apartments police surrounded the place. Dozens of cops all standing guard, waiting for someone to come out.

“Hey!”

You looked to see where the voice came from only to see a cop no to far away from your car.

“There's been a shooting, you need to leave.”

You decided to comply, you’d rather not have the cop come any closer to you than he already was. You were a wanted man after all.

So, you turned around, driving in the opposite direction.

Nearly an hour later you arrived at one of your less impressive houses, but you only needed a place to let Peter sleep for the night.

You tried to wake him but every time he just fell right back to sleep. You groaned as you got out of the car and walked to the passenger side. Slinging the door open you picked up Peter’s sleeping form, he immediately laid his face on your shoulder and wrapped his arms around your neck.

You sighed, “the things I do for my employees..”

You held onto Peter with one arm as you unlocked the door and walked in. You already have the layout of this house memorized so you didn’t need to turn on a light.

You carried him up the stairs and to a guest room, laying him down on the bed then pulling the cover over him. He snuggled more into the bed before settling, snoring softly.

You tried to push away the thoughts of how cute he was. He looked so soft and peaceful like this.

You took a deep breath and shook the thought from your head. “Keep it professional Y/n…” you mumbled to yourself before leaving the room.

You settled down in your own bedroom, hanging your coat and tie up by the door before drifting off to sleep.

[ontowanderlust]

How to say I love you?  (2)

A/N: Another one? Really? Gosh. Bear with me, I’ve got like six more to go. I haven’t started writing the third one so if you guys are waiting for the next one- I’m gonna be frank with you, it will take me a long time before I publish it out. I would like to give this fic to the anon who had requested a different Five Hargreeves fanfic- (I tried writing your prompt, dearie, but I just couldn’t find the inspiration to recreate the magic of the song. That, and I am not really familiar with the song itself and tried googling it but I really cannot replicate the magic.) so instead, this part is dedicated to you whoever you are, anon.

Special thanks to: @grimpower-s you are awesome and amazing and I might pop out sooner or later depending on my motivation so yup.. I love you, my beta.

One of the reasons why I haven’t posted this was because of the sucky title. Let me know if you guys have better ideas. The other reason was just I’m too lazy to post this. My betas knew that I had a name written here but I had to revert to second person since… this is tumblr. (Though, the last name is predetermined already, don’t fight me on this.) Let me know if this sucks or if you guys like it.

Also some reminders:

Five is eighteen in this fic

The apocalypse had already happened

(Spoiler) They are sent back in time

And there are some of the 43 involved in this fic- there are 16 actually. Find them all and hit me in my asks if you knew the reference of the names.

Alternatively: 7 times he confessed and the 1 time she accepted his confession / 8 ways to say I Love You

Fandom: The Umbrella Academy

Pairing: Five Hargreeves x Fem!reader

Prompt: This prompt is brought to you by R. McKinley (you write beautifully, may I just say) and @chickenshit​‘s photo edit. I did say that I’m gonna write something about this, right?

=Masterlist=

For as long as Y/N can remember Tuesdays had always been allocated as a day where she and her brother, Crutchie gets to be “special” (or so as people in their household says.)

Coming from a rich household, their mother had given them Tuesday as a time for reprieve from the whirlwind of studies from their different tutors, (seriously, why do they need to learn the 14 different uses of forks?) she and her brother would have a mock battle with each other- her, usually making her brother pause at mid-action while he retaliates by setting off a series of events at her misfortune. 

As much as she loved spending time with her brother, back then, it always felt as if Tuesdays are nothing more than the only day where she felt extraordinary and that if Tuesdays were removed, she would be… nothing more than some girl who got lucky and was born to wealth.

She hated how Tuesdays dictate her worth. She hated it so much that she had to resort to all kinds of excuses.

That is until her mother brought home the foster kid who would eventually become her big brother, Jack. 

Despite their initial distrust with each other, she learned that there is a purpose why her mother is adamant with their Tuesday routine. There is a purpose why she let her children discover what their abilities can do and make up for the loss of what the others can’t.

And right now, she couldn’t be more thankful to her mom than ever.

Throughout the years, Tuesdays with her brothers had somehow evolved with having more company- the kids she and her brothers had encountered on their run from their relatives- and their neighbors who were all born the same day as them. 

Crutchie liked to call it predetermined. Fate, if he will. She and Jack simply would scoff at their brother’s belief. Although, deep down, they all knew that having these kids make up for the space their mother had left them. In a way, they are all what they have, they are family.

When the Umbrella Academy showed up on their doorstep a few months back, she knew her twin had been right all along. (She never doubted him in his predictions. She just hated how optimistic his way of thinking is.) 

And so here they were Tuesday morning, in the middle of a massive courtyard-turned-grassy field courtesy of Katherine’s ability, about to face these superheroes. And since the Academy is massively outnumbered, Jack chose seven people from their team to battle the opposing team. 

“Heads up, mi hermano!” She heard Klaus holler at Five as she saw JoJo swooping down from above, grabbing the fifth Hargreeves child as if he weighed nothing before dropping him 30 ft from the sky.

She watched with interest as Klaus tried to levitate to save his brother, failing when Katherine touched the grass, willing some blades to transform into vines as it wrapped around the unsuspecting seance’s ankle, pulling him to the ground.

“We’re being floored,” she heard Diego deadpanned at Five as he spatial jumped back beside him. “We need a new plan.”

Five rolled his eyes as she watched him search the field for what she presumed would be the victim of this boy’s ire.

Having spent her time with them, she knew the Academy had somehow built this holier-than-thou attitude- a result of their glorified superhero days.

It’s no surprise that their hubris is their downfall and her family have no qualms in kicking their sorry asses.

Good. She scoffed inwardly. Someone has to teach them some humility. She thought as she absentmindedly reached up to steal Henry’s popcorn, ignoring his protests as her attention went back to the battle in front of her. 

Her family had adopted the strategy of keeping the Academy from each other while they keep themselves open to assist their own should the need arise.

Davey is managing on his own after he had borrowed Vanya’s ability, facing her by himself as he isolated her from her siblings, Katherine and JoJo teaming up to confuse Klaus and Diego, messing with them, Mush steeling himself well against Luther’s strength while Elmer and Romeo are fighting off Allison and Ben side by side. Crutchie, on the other hand, is providing all the assistance from every corner, setting off one series of unfortunate events to another, simply cast on the side as an open target.

Apparently, Five is thinking the same thing as her as she saw his gaze fell upon her twin, his fists started to glow blue.

She stood up abruptly, startling Race who was using her shoulder to sleep on, jumping off the bleachers (graciously provided by Katherine, “for your entertainment, losers”) prompting the rest to ask where she’s going. 

“He’s going after Crutchie!” she called over her shoulder, eyes locked onto Five’s running figure, trying to concentrate on him in order to slow him down. 

“Y/N, get back here!” She heard Jack yell but she had already entered the field, running as fast as she can, barely dodging JoJo as she shook her head, irritated at her lack of control over her ability.

Just as she ran past Elmer, she vaguely heard his panicked tone, voicing his worries to Romeo. 

“Time out!” Romeo yelled, stretching his arm as he wrapped it around Allison and Ben, easily trapping them. “Time out, Jack! Elmer’s lost control of his portal!”

What.

Too late now. She thought as strings of profanities left her lips. True to Romeo’s statement, Elmer’s portals had been emerging from different places and so she used her momentum, dodging the stray portals, her eyes searching for the spatial jumping boy, not noticing the portal that appeared beneath her feet. 

Having grown up alongside Elmer, there wasn’t a Tuesday where she hadn’t accidentally gotten sucked into his portal so why would this Tuesday any be of different?

Perhaps, the fact that she entered the void, momentarily disorienting her as she fell from above, her arms outstretched in order to brace herself, instead she found her hands colliding with a body part- a shoulder? She’s certain it was a shoulder since arms immediately wrapped around her waist as the person braced for the impact.

She couldn’t be any more grateful at Katherine for making today’s landscape a grassy field as the grass soften the impact of collision of the back of the person who had grabbed her to the ground while her knees were the ones that caught her weight, accidentally straddling the person.

Y/N couldn’t care any less for the pain that is engulfing her.

She shouldn’t care except… because of the force from the gravity, her head had collided with the person’s face, her lips effectively planting exactly on the person’s lips.

What the fuck.

Instinctively, she pulled away faster than she could utter a profanity, glancing down as apology is ready to leave her lips.

Only, the apology died as her eyes widened at the sight of the boy she is seeking out, sprawled beneath her, groaning in pain.

What the fuck.

She opened her mouth, about to sputter out apologies- anything to save face- when Five’s eyes creaked open, his face morphing into quick panic as his arms around her waist tightened before flipping them both easily, shielding her as stray objects that entered the portals (stray branches, small pebbles, handful of dirt) rained upon them. 

The vague smell of coffee overwhelmed her senses as she opened her eyes only for her breath to hitch as her eyes met the bluest pair of eyes she had ever seen. 

Time slowed down as flicker of blue lights enveloped the two of them momentarily. Is it even possible for someone to possess such fascinating eyes? She wondered silently as conflicted expression graced Five’s face before leaning down, softly brushing his lips against hers before fully capturing her lips.

Have I mentioned what the fuck already?

She is vaguely aware of her surroundings, the blue lights flaring for a bit as time alternated on freezing or slowing down everything around them and yet, that didn’t stop the warmth spreading on her ears, her hands tapping slightly on the grass as she could feel his lips moving against hers as if he was muttering something.

If she weren’t the type to pay attention to the littlest detail, she might’ve missed it but surely, the stoic Five Hargreeves hadn’t muttered those three words on her mouth now, would he?

[neoangelic]

Don’t Need Your Love

➳ an nct dream series

After a horrible first love experience, Yang Ahn joins the Don’t Need Your Love club via invitation. Things don’t turn out the way they were supposed to.

➳ a story of not-so-romance featuring: the coolest club on campus, the meaning of unrequited, teenagers, best friends, heartbreak, healing, first loves, and new ones.

➳ masterlist

➳ note: female oc, multiple pairings, ot7 dream, mentions of other ot21 members. ANON THIS IS FOR YOU uwu.

➳ word count: 2871

When I was eight, I had a crush on this boy named Mark Lee. I was visiting my relatives in Canada and he was my neighbor that summer. I always watched him from the yard as he biked up and down the street. He was a few years older than me and I thought he was the coolest boy ever. Especially with how fast he could ride his razor bicycle. One day while making a sharp turn, he fell on the sidewalk in front of my relative's house. Let's just say I was so worried that I almost called 119. Good thing that wasn't the right number in Canada. He taught me all he knew about riding bikes and skateboards after that—although I wasn't particularly skilled at the latter sport. 

And then summer ended. I never saw him again. Not even when I visited Canada again two years later. Nobody knew where he went. 

In sixth grade, I liked the exchange student named Yangyang who my family hosted. I was one of the only people who could also speak fluent English so we talked a lot. He'd teach me German and I'd teach him Korean. We became best friends quickly. He called me meimei once and I asked what it meant. "Little sister," he said. I told him to never call me that again. He was hurt by that. We drifted apart after. On the day he went back to China I cried so much, telling him I was sorry and that he shouldn't leave. He was late for his flight, so I never did find out if he forgave me or not. 

In the first year of my high school life, however, I met my first love. My first and my last. Out of all the puppy-struck crushes and boys who've left me, my first love hurt me the most. I'd love to catch up with Mark or apologize to Yangyang a million more times but I never wanted to even hear the name of the first love which died before it could even blossom. 

His name was Huang Renjun and I never wanted to see him again. 

And there he was, barely 20 feet away, sitting in one of the desks in the far corner of the room, looking down at his phone. The boy with the cat-like, sharp eyes. The boy who I managed to avoid for months.

The boy who I loved. And maybe still did. 

And he, of course, was heartbreakingly beautiful as always. 

The irony left a sickening sweet taste in my mouth. The millisecond I saw him, my legs didn’t dare move from behind the open doorway. My lips felt dry no matter how much I licked them. My hands wouldn't stop shaking no matter how hard I clasped them. My breath felt stuck in my throat as my eyes were on his figure. My heart skipped and fell like a missed step down a set of stairs. It tumbled around my ribcage and crashed so hard that I became scared that he could hear the sound of my heart falling for him all the way in the past. I was scared.

I reached for my shoulder, feeling the material of cloth and a sticker skip on my fingertips. My gaze fell to Harvey who stood behind the teacher’s podium in front of me. I tried to remember that I was here to support him. The sticker on my shoulder—the promise on my shoulder did nothing to shake my nerves away. He was staring at me with a concerned expression. A breathy apology trembled from my lips before he could draw attention to me. Before Renjun saw me.

I was scared, so I ran. 

A voice called my name, but the adrenaline kicked in too well.

“Ahn-ah, where are you going?” I turned a corner to try to escape the voice, wanting to be alone. “It’s Jeno—Jesus, stop running.”

My back hit the wall and I slid down in defeat. There was no way I was going to outrun him anyway. 

“Hi,” I said weakly, staring at Jeno’s black loafers as they came into view. He crouched down and met my eye.

“What are you doing?” That was when I noticed the red sticker placed on his chest. A dripping heart with the letters ‘DNYL’ outlined in yellow. The same one on my shoulder. “The meeting is gonna start soon.”

I scoffed. “What does it look like? I’m not going.”

“Sit properly when you’re wearing a skirt,” he said, nudging my shoulder with his as he sat down next to me. “Why aren’t you going?”

I straightened my legs, smoothing out the plaits in my skirt. “Cause I saw Renjun there.” An uncomfortable feeling shot through my chest as I said his name.

A sigh came from Jeno. “Come on, I think you really need this. If Hyuck were here, he’d agree, too.”

I cringed. “But it's just so awkward.”

“That’s only because you’re making it awkward. You always do.”

“Shut up. I don’t even know how you knew I was going to join this stupid club.”

“Aside from seeing the sticker on your shoulder while you were running away oh-so dramatically,” he let out a heavy breath. “I was the one who gave Harvey the tip to recruit you.”

I looked at him when he said that. “You what? You’re the reason why he came up to me thirty minutes ago talking about unrequited love?”

“I didn’t tell him about everything,” Jeno reassured. “You were working on your literature project, right?”

“I mean, yeah.” 

“I just said he’d be interested in talking to you. I guess he put everything together when you were probably fuming over the topic Ms. Han decided to give you—”

“I can’t believe I have to study and write about love this whole fucking year,” I grumbled. I thought to get a head start on the project today. Unfortunately, as students filtered out of the classroom, it was prime time for girls or boys to come in and meet their significant other. I felt surrounded by couples and people having flings. It didn’t help that I had to study romantic literature either. Harvey must have caught me in the middle of writing something like: I’m glad Romeo and Juliet died because they don’t have brains to figure out the other was feigning death.

“Anyways,” Jeno said. “Harvey came up to me this morning to talk to me.”

“How good could your English possibly be?” I laughed.

“It was a very broken conversation using bits and pieces of Google translate. As I was saying…he knew about, you know—her,” there was a heavy moment of silence. “He heard the rumors last year and he talked about how he wanted to help me put everything behind. He somehow knew I wasn’t over the whole getting cheated on thing, despite looking like I did. Harvey’s pretty observant, I guess.” A bitter chuckle escaped him.

“Yeah,” I said softly, almost scared that Jeno would break, seeing his sour expression. “He told me a few people inspired his idea for this thing.”

“He also told me you gave him the idea to select and invite people to DNYL,” he looked at me, searching for a reaction. “You wouldn’t have said anything if you weren’t wanting help yourself.”

“Jeno—”

“Whether you knew it or not, it was a call for help. I know you’re bitter over romance and everything, even if you can’t seem to stay away…” I elbowed him at that remark. “I think this is a good opportunity to just let everything go. DNYL is a place where we can all heal. I truly believe that. The question is if you’re gonna close yourself out from this opportunity.”

“I know I promised Harvey I would go today to see if I was into it but—” I sighed. “I don’t know if I can face Renjun if I never resolved my feelings for him.”

“You don’t have to worry about any of that,” Jeno laughed lightly. “There’s a reason why he’s there too.”

The cogs in my brain started working. For once. Why would Renjun Huang not need love?

I frowned. “There’s no reason for him to join—didn’t he have a girlfriend?” He liked her a lot.

“You still care about him, right? As a friend?”

“Of course I do, oppa. He was still a friend no matter how much I liked him.”

“So why run away? I think it’s too late for that now. You’ve already talked to Harvey and Renjun’s there because he’s hurt too. So am I. We’re all going for the same reason and you can take this time to clear everything up.”

I looked down and smiled, chuckling. “Jeno Lee, that was pretty best friend material of you.”

He stood up, wiping his hands on his pants before stretching out a hand toward me. “Didn’t you know? All my clothes are made of that material.”

I grabbed his hand and rolled my eyes. “Lame.”

“What?” Jeno helped pull  me up

“I thought we were having a sentimental moment here, but it turns out you’re still as mood-killing as ever.”

“Whatever,” he clicked his tongue. “If you think about running, I won’t hesitate to drag you back to the club room.”

The one thing that never changed since I met Jeno was his sense of humor. He was funny himself, but when he tried to make a joke it was like the air around us would cringe. Sometimes his jokes were funny, but Donghyuck told me not to acknowledge it or he would get too arrogant. Jeno was funny in the way that he was allergic to cats but had three kittens. He was funny in the way that he owned his Jenojaem nickname without complaint. He was funny in his own dorky, heartwarming way and that’s what made me grow so comfortable with him. Donghyuck was funny, but it took me two weeks to realize that he wasn’t actually bullying me and that he was just trying to be my friend. I liked Jeno’s predictability and transparency. It was different, for a change. 

Unlike other boys who always sent mixed messages.

And boys are almost never worth it. Especially boys that disappear like childhood crushes or boys that make you forget you never had a chance with them. Just like the boy who was a little too playful and sweet when he taught me Chinese. In fact, Renjun was the only boy I could ever find funnier than Donghyuck and he was the only boy that saw the lovestruck side of me. Not like he knew that, of course.

Not like he knew that.

The funny thing was, I wasn’t scared because I was hurt. I was scared because I was embarrassed I once fell in love so hard with a boy.

But once I started thinking of the smiley snaggle-toothed boy in a desperate not need for love, I decided it wouldn’t hurt to be a bit brave for once. If something happened to him, then I wanted to know. I wanted to be there for him as a friend again like he was for me when I spent a little over an hour learning a single phrase in Chinese. I wanted to get to know him again so that I could finally get to know me. It was sort of relieving to know I wasn’t the only one struggling with feelings and I guess that was Harvey's plan. 

I linked arms with Jeno, looking up to the samoyed-looking boy as we walked back toward the door I ran away from. He looked down at me with a cocked eyebrow.

“Thank you.”

“Just trying to win some brownie points before Hyuck comes back,” he gave a cheesy smile, eyes rising into crescents.

Harvey’s eyes lit up when he saw us walk in the room. 

“I was wondering if you two would show up.”

“Yeah, sorry. I had to run to the bathroom real quick and bumped into him,” I lied, peeking at the Chinese boy from the corner of my vision. 

Aside from Renjun, two more boys were in the room. One was next to Harvey and the other was sitting in front, awkwardly fiddling with his fingers.

“Oh? Jeno?” The boy who spoke had really pretty eyes. Na Jaemin. The boy with the smile. His long and curled lashes elegantly brushed his skin as he blinked. I couldn’t help but stare.

“Jaemin-ah, you’re here too?”

Na Jaemin was Jeno’s friend from his after-school academy. I talked to him a few times before since he always hung around him. But other than that, I knew him just as the rest of the school did: a flirt. A heartbreaker, they say. Always going on from one girl to the next, rejecting them left and right after leading them on. He was a total dreamboat who managed to make your heart flutter with the way he simply breathed. My classmates were head-over-heels for him, although I can’t say the same. He was charming but I didn’t want to get close to him because I was scared to have someone that charismatic and attractive around me. Jaemin could tell me to do anything and I would do it—especially with that pretty face and smile. I kept my distance whenever he was around. Something about him made me feel timid. Maybe it was the fact that I felt inferior in every way. Maybe it was because there was no way in hell a boy could be as nice as Jaemin was.

“First we go to the same hakwon and now the same club? What are we? Soulmates?” He smiled, gentle and sweet like the tone of his voice. Jaemin’s eyes flickered to meet mine. I looked away immediately, embarrassed.

“Don’t know if I like that idea,” Jeno grimaced.

“Glad to know you two know each other already,” Harvey cut in. “You guys should have a seat before I start the meeting.”

Jaemin slung his arm over Jeno’s broad shoulders, roping him into a conversation as they found a seat next to the awkward mousy boy at the front. He looked at the two energetic boys nervously when they greeted him. I barely managed to hear his name as he introduced himself in a shy whisper. 

 “Jisung Park,” he said with shaky syllables and red cheeks. The two boys gushed over how adorable Jisung was.

My eyes landed on Renjun’s lonely figure. His cheek was leaning against his palm, his other hand held the phone he stared at. He was uncharacteristically unresponsive. I didn’t see the light in his eyes with or the joking smile on his face that I fell in love with. He had AirPods in, shutting himself off from the rest of us. I was glad he didn’t notice me yet, but something about his hunched shoulders and indiscernible expression tugged at my heartstrings.

I looked back at Harvey who was focused on the clock as if counting the seconds that passed by. “There’s only six of us?”

“Sadly,” he shifted his weight and turned his attention to me. “Others weren’t so eager about this whole thing.”

“Hey, don’t be sad,” I smiled. “I think it’s better this way. We’re kinda… exclusive.” The blond laughed.

“Kind of, yeah,” he said. “Everyone else couldn’t see this helping them on their college resume, so I see why they wouldn’t waste their time here.”

“Well, I’d love to prove them all wrong,” I said, eyes floating back to Renjun’s figure. “I think what you’re doing here is amazing, Harvey.”

He smiled, genuine. “Thanks.”

Before the first meeting of DNYL even started, we were unsure. None of us knew what we were doing or where this club would go. Not even Harvey. We were all lost teenagers, searching for some sort of meaning that probably didn’t even matter. For the boy who I was talking to, it was a legacy to leave. An urge to start something beautiful. For the boy who claimed to be my best friend, it was to let go and heal. He was searching for something to replace the band-aids on the bullet wounds in his heart. For the boy with the pretty eyes and the boy with the shy smile—well, I wasn’t so sure. And I was completely lost on what my first love—the reason why I, myself, joined—was searching for.  He didn’t even look like he wanted to be here, but here he was.

Here we all were, high schoolers on a breezy autumn Friday as the leaves shifted color. We all walked through that door for a reason whether we waltzed in or ran away at first. Maybe the important part wasn’t how we came here, but the fact that we came at all. Here we all were. Despite the impracticality of the club and the burdensome feeling that everyone would know we were hurt by love in one way or another, we came.

But I didn’t know all the answers. I couldn’t even pretend to know what everyone was thinking. It would be useless if I knew them.

Answers were what I came searching for, after all.

<< the coolest club on campus | masterlist | rules and time bombs>>

[brokenmusicboxwolfe]

Day 6 without sculpting...

In a way it’s weird I miss sculpting so much. This near daily sculpting is actually a relatively recent thing for me.

Actually, for about the first 20 years of my life I can count every time I sculpted on my fingers.

My father inspired my first sculpting. Before I was born he’d dug some clay out of the river bank and sculpted a little baseball sized head with marbles for eyes. It facinated me, so at about four I dug some clay out of a ditch and tried to sculpt two full figures. I let them dry on a plank in the summer sun....and they crumbled. Amazingly, one of the heads survives to this day.

In kindergarten we had a cool teacher with his own kiln. Technically he had us making little pots. I used the scrap and made a little alien head with big almost Mickey Mouse ears that he glazed for me and a little alien with loops for arms that I colored with crayons. He left at the end of the year, takng his kiln with him. 

In second grade the new teacher had us make dough art angels. This was an “everyone copy the teacher” deal, so no real self expression. Let me tell you, dough art does not last in this climate. That angel no longer existed within a year. 

My parents gave me some plasticine type clay for my 10th birthday. Unfortunately that sort of clay never can be made hard, and I really wanted something that would “stay”. I barely used it.

When I was in 9th grade the art class had a paper mache project. Or at least they called it that. Really it was a structure out of wire, newspaper and masking tape covered with plaster bandages. I made a dragon, Lockheed from the X-Men in fact, but that was that. No way could I get the plaster bandages myself, and I didn’t care for the rough surfaces.

And that was that for growing up.

The weird thing is, I actually was always drawn to sculpting, but it never occured to me I should sculpt. I loved physical objects that depicted living things and always noticed when stories included sculpting. Heck, I even started writing a fantasy story involving a sculptor and magical sculptures. But actual sculpting wasn’t even a daydream.

And then one day my hands got bored. It was an unusual day, a day off while Pop was away. Free time meant I could do what I wanted. In this case it was to watch a movie (The Brothers Karamazov), read a book (don’t remember what), read a magazine (dunno) and listen to music (forget what)....all at the same time...

Yeah, I’m like that. Always wanting to do several things at once.

 There I was, sitting on the floor, all these things around me, and I noticed my hands were bored. Because hands do get bored. Mine do anyway. Just ask them! Pop had some boxes of clay he’d bought for a project but ended up with some left over. On a whim I decided to try sculpting with this “proper” clay.

I made a little bust, a woman with a flower in her hair and a beastie lying round her shoulders. If you look up pics of it (all my sculpting that exists is on my blog) you will see how crude it is, but at the time I was pleased. I’d expected sculpting to be hard, but this was easy!

But we didn’t have a kiln. Well, Pop had one somewhere out in the shop, but he didn’t know where, didn’t have time to look, and wasn’t keen on me pawing around when it was probably behind some unmovable things.

So that was that all over again, the old problem of wanting to sculpt something that would stay.

And then I discovered sculpey!

Now you would think this would kick off constant sculpting, but it was more fitful at first. The trouble was, I did not want to be watched sculpting. I just wanted to goof around with it, stress free. So what I did was sculpt every time I was guaranteed a solid hour to myself. I’d usually go stand on the ramp outside, sculpey in one hand and an old dull pairing knife in the other and sculpt.  

This is probably why I sculpt so quickly even now. Back then I just wanted to do it unseen, baking as soon as there was anything at all I liked about it. Now fast sculpting is just secnd nature.

After a bit I branched out, making ornaments and getting roped into making a dollhouse doll for a cousin. I also made several dolls that scale for fun and gifts for my family. I also pleased the four year old me by making a Sleestak from memory. I experimented with gluing a face on one of the boxes I’d painted. (Painting boxes was a thing for me for years)  I started running out if space for the busts so I started making magnets and lining all the metal bookcases in my bedroom with faces. 

But during all that I could go weeks, even months, without sculpting. I’d paint boxes. I’d write. But all these things shared a little space of free time. 

We were busy. The fiberglassing business took a heck of a lot of work. There were all sorts of organizations, causes, meetings I tagged along to, obligations to my family. Making takes time, even if it’s just an hour, and back then I never had insomnia so working after everyone went to bed wasn’t an option.

Still, I made things right along until the weirdness happened. For a several years I had a creative block. 

Totally. 

Completely.

 I didn’t sculpt. Didn’t paint boxes. Didn’t write stories. I didn’t even dream at night.

It was hellish. 

I can’t tell you why it happened. I can’t even tell you why it ended. All I can tell you is was if my imagination started to reawaken in 2012, a year that at that time I thought was one of the worst in my life. It started with a painted box here and there. Slowly.

Then 2013 happened, the terrible year of Pop’s illness that made the bad things of 2012 seem pale in comparison. Suddenly I was dreaming, dreaming in overdrive in fact. The dreams  I was churning out boxes as fast as I could paint them to ��exorcise” those dreams. The dreams occupied my mind constantly. At night they were like serialized stories night after night, during the day I was like an obsessed fangirl disecting and rerunning her favorite show that just happened to be created by my subconscious.

This frantic box painting lasted until the last stages of Pop’s illness, when it stopped. I haven’t painted a box since. 

In mid to late 2014, the year Pop died, the cousin I made the Beast doll for sent me a letter. Actually, now that I think about it, it was the last time I heard from her. She said she’s shown the doll to someone she knew that had a dollhouse collector store and they said I had talent, that in fact it was as good as many professional dolls. The cousin suggested, now that our fiberglassing business was gone I should take up doll making.

It sounded reasonable, though I completely doubted that “talent” part. But there were problems with this plan. I hadn’t sculpted in several years and didn’t know if I still could. I wanted to make fully jointed dolls, but making them by hand out of sculpey would be tricky to master. Everything I made (and make) is one of a kind and feels like a part of me, so parting with them would be painful. I needed to figure out how make it easier on myself.

I mean, there is a reason I jokingly call my sculpting “making friends”.

And so I got to work. I decided to use my werewolf box as inspiration, figuring that with these wolf people I could make them enough alike it would be easier to part with them, but enough different I wouldn’t get bored. I could learn to make mold from them, and then selling wouldn’t hurt.

This is when I think my sculpting addiction really began. Instead of sculpting occasionally I was sculpting most nights, and would stay up late when making the bodies.

This period of experimentation lasted for a few months, long enough for me to suffer the disapointment of being an outsider exhibiting at an art show with my odd fantasy dolls. I actually WAS making progress. I liked a few of the dolls snd thought in a few more months I’d be ready to go to the next stage, I even bought molding and casting materials to learn to use...

And the floor collapse happened. This started an ever increasing cascade of disasters that continues to this day.

At first I thought the interuption was temporary. By the end of 2015 I’d be back at learning to make dolls...

Obviously this didn’t happen. For months I kept making heads for future doll experiments, complete with metal loops for stringing them on. I even built a storage box to keep them all in. Eventually the room with the box started to go, so I “temporarily” moved it to the other house. It’s there still.

By then I had a sculpting habit. I needed to sculpt. My fingers would twitch around sculpey. Mom would laugh at how on nights where I didn’t sculpt my eyes would dart to the sculpey every few seconds. She would tease me about it calling to me, but it’s sort of right. In 2015 sculpting had become something that I constantly felt I should be doing. 

To be honest, the addiction aspect has only gotten worse with time. 

When Mom was here there were more nights I didn’t sculpt, and if I started sculpting as she went to bed she’d remind me not to stay up late. Since her stroke and her going to stay with my brother I’ve been alone. Alone to watch movies and sculpt, with no socializing to distract me and no one to tell me to stop. 

Now the nights I don’t sculpt are rare (see last November when I sculpted more faces than there even were days in that month because I sculpted more than one a couple nights). The faces stick with me less though, to the point that when I post pics a month later I have actually forgotten many of them already.

I don’t do anything with these faces. I sculpt them quickly, photograph them, wrap them in tissues and throw them into one of the storage boxes I have for them. Those boxes have literally hundreds of faces by this point.

I shouldn’t NEED to sculpt.

 I have spent more days of my life not sculpting than sculpting. I have sculpted more faces in the last year than most people do in a life time. Ignoring the fluke of the one face I sold, I don’t profit by it in any way.

The sculpting is a compulsion, an impulse I can’t resist. I feel a weird guilt and unease when I don’t sculpt. It hasn’t even been a full week without sculpting and it’s driving me nuts. Believe me, I know it’s ridiculous! 

[cloudywithachanceofwatering]

Plance au where it hurt

I warned you . I really warned you .

Also , the ending is rushed . Sorry , my patience is low . I truly am a failure .

Edit : maybe it wont hurt so bad

Plaance god tier au where pidge and lance hooked up in the club and pidge got preggers . Unfortunately , the child died under mysterious circumstances during the third trimester . Lance had been with her the whole time , so he tried his best to comfort her even when she pushed him away .

The next year , lance left to pursue his career in the garrison in hopes to forget his pain . Pidge had left to recooperate , unsucessfully . She ended up avoiding meds and fell into anxiety and depression . They avoided each others interactions because they felt like they were the reason the child died .

The following year , lance and pidge had met in the same club again . This time , they were drunk enough to hook up again for real sad sex . A lot of tears and love , but in the end it was a one night stand . The next morning , lance left the motel without telling her . He didnt want to hurt her any more than he already did .

After realizing she was pregnant after a month , pidge hit the road with little to nothing . All she had was ten thousand dollars from stashing money for her baby , most of which her parents and brother had given. Pidge decided to get a cheap van from the scrapyard , got a liscence for the car , ditched everything she had inside and with her little driving skills , went off to somewhere she didnt know . All she really had was a driving liscence to prove her identity . She hid it away .

In the end , she only had a five thousand left . Yes , this was a time where everything wasnt real . This is a fic . Do not take things too seriously .

She literally disappeared overnight - nobody really knew where she went . All they had was a bought cheap van to go off on . How far couldve she went , people asked . Shes just a child , everyone said , unable to find her within a twenty mile radius the next day .

Pidge had driven for days , trying to get to the rural countryside as fast as possible . She found a little village after being lost for hours on end on a obscure forest path - and decided she was going to stay .

The villagers immediately noticed her van . Soon , a crowd formed and when she stepped out of the van , they crowded around her like scavengers looking for prey . They spoke in french , oddly enough - a mix of it . Italian , french , spanish was what she heard all at once .

A red hair girl put up her fist , silencing the villagers . " Hello , " she spoke in french . " Can i have a house ? " " No , " the red haired girl said . " The only house left are in the fields . It is dilapitated . " " Then can i have it ? " The villagers thought about it , buzzing even louder for a while . " Yes . We can help you fix it , " pidge heard from a few people at the front . It seemed to be agreed .

The villagers buzzed around for a bit , discussing their next move . Eventually , they asked a old lady to take her in while they went to look for items to fix up the house with . The red haired girl , with a thick french accent , told her in english : " We will help you . Come with her , she will feed you . "

And oddly enough , it felt like home . Their hospitality - it mustve come from a lack of visitors and her odd way of entering , their curiousity - but pidge was too tired and hungry to be cautious . It was the best human interaction she had for days . The red haired girl proceeded to bring out her items for two guys to take int othe home of the old woman .

The old woman , she was called " old rosa , " had no name . So she took in the name old rosa . She could speak english fluently , although she tripped over her words a bit . " My dear , come and eat , the villagers will help bring in your items . I suppose theyll make your van a bit more hospitable for you . " " Where are you from ? You speak english quite well , " pidge had asked . " Britain , my dear . Although i dont know where . But i do have a postcard with a picture - me and my parents . Everyone says it is a place in Britain , the english folks did . It was a baby me . But now , i cannot remember for the life of me where i am from , my name , my everything . The villagers , they took me in . Incredibly kind of them , " old rosa told pidge fondly .

" Why have you come ? " she had asked pidge . " Because i am pregnant , and to run away , because my relatives will speak to me unkindly if they knew , and i did not want to disappoint my parents and everyone around me again , " pidge sighed . She crossed her arms , unsure if she made a good decision or not telling her . Old rosa simply smiled , wrinkles becoming even more prominent . " I have a child myself - she has a baby boy . She can help you , if you want . The doctor is her husband . They can help you , but they might get a bit too excited about a new baby , " old rosa laughed . Pidge giggled , despairingly remembering what lance said about her giggles and laughs . How cute and bell-tinkly they were .

Oh , how she wished he was here to help her , but only the crevices of her mind said . She had long pushed him away , for the sake of her sanity . Her eyes welled up a bit nonetheless , and she gently thumbed over her stomach . That day , she had woke up alone and cold - perhaos it was for the best . At least you didnt pay for the motel room , a tiny thought sparked . It didnt help much , but a shimmer of hope tugged at her heart . Maybe she could pull through , with or without lance .

Old rosa present a bowl of rice and two poached eggs inside . " I really couldnt do much - i just wanted to make something quick for you my dear . Besides , the resources man hasnt arrived yet . On sunday he will , and on sunday we can go visit him for food . Yes , we are self-sufficient , but the doctor needs items . The resources man is very kind . He gives us what we need for free . I think the government set aside money for us - very kind of them . "

Pidge quickly came to realize her chatter as she ate . She smiled , breaking the poached egg and deciding to mix it with her rice . Old rosa just kept smiling , talking on and on about everything . It felt so nice - like her brother and mother fussing over every little thing that happened to pidge every day .

Another flicker of sadness - how lonely she was . If only she had her family , her lance - no , not her lance . He was just a little crush . That is all . But homesickness struck - how far away was she from her family ? It was selfish of her to leave .

The red haired girl came back in . She spoke in their mixed language - " The van , we tried to make it more homely , rearranged items but kept in sight . You do not have much , so we gave you some blankets and a mattress and pillows and clothes . "

Yes , this wasnt home , but pidge could deal with it .

As the year went by , pidge quickly upholstered her van-home into a much homier place . She made a few good friends . Connor , the fabrics person , he was incredibly kind and sweet , came over often to check on her and drown her in soft wools and cashmeres of all colours . He felt oddly motherlike , perhaps because of his feminine preferances . Old rosa became increasingly motherlike too , taking more and more care of her . The red haired girl , osara , she made sure pidge had priority to make sire the baby would be safe , along with her .

Old rosas daughter , maybellina [ yes , maybelline the makeup brand however you spelled it played a part in this ] , was very kind and loving , like her mother . Her husband , tom , made sure she had checkups every now and then , sometimes popping over randomly to check on her .

Sometimes she would visit connor - he had a huge old castle as a house , his family hadi t for generations . Although he was lonely as the only one , it was fine by him . They were walking up a whole lot of stairs to his sewing and looming room thing , when he had abruptly asked : " Pidge , i was wondering , do you know someone called katie holt ? You come from somewhere else , right ? I have told you before , i study at the garrison . Someone called katie holt , she had disappeared . I heard her parents , her brother and his boyfriend , they have been searching endlessly . They do not know where to find her anymore , " connor said . Oops , yikers ! Haha , no good . Thats all pidges mind provided before shutting off .

So she just stared at him blankly , before connor being the huge softie he is , started blushing and buried his face into her hair , murmuring something along the lines of " im too soft for this . "

And that , my friends , is how the start of something more than a friendship begin . Perhaps pidges mind shutting off helped .

_______________________________________

Lance had firstly , freaked out after pidge went missing and secondly , spent his weekends trying to find clues of her anywhere . So when connor , the nice guy [ actually nice ] asked him what he was doing in the middle of class , he decided to just spill the beans for the sake of his sanity and his already sad heart . " She used to go by the name of pidge . Pidge gunderson . Shes the fu-ing cutest girl youll ever see , " lance had ended . Yes , he self censored himself . Connor was still pure .

Oddly enough , connors eyes seem to be interest at the name of pidge . And even more weirder , he asked lance to be his teammate for this science project on fabric tendancies . The garrison is weird , dont question it . So connor invited him to his home , which worked out well cause all weekend lance just went pidge mode . And he decided to pry more cause he seemed to know a bit .

So that weekend , he saw a girl with long hair that vaguely looked like katie holt . " This is a pidge i know , " connor said . And oh fuck , it clicked in his head - connor's brain shut off after realizing what he did .

Pidge had changed - her hair became longer , more fluffy . Lighter coloured too , from spending time outside . And the most prominent change - she had a baby . With curly blonde hair . And blue eyes .

In lances mind , he couldnt fathom why he had ever decided to leave the motel room anymore . And neither did pidge .

_________________________________________

In the end , everything ended with a flurry of kisses and love , before night struck , and the next morning lance had left again . He had to go to school , which was logical of him . So she didnt put it against him , just helped him get ready and said bye at the door , albeit sadly .

_________________________________________

The years went by . Her little dilapitated house was finally put together . What little she had , pidge tried to make the best of it . She slept with her two children to keep them warm .

Yep , child uno numbero two . I dont know spanish , sorry . I am trying my best on duolingo , though .

Connor still checked up on her , lance still asked about her . He was like the middleman . Poor guy had a affinity for both of them .

One day , lance showed up randomly with a nice suit and a sexy , sleek black car . " Pidge , your parents . They are trying to pry anything about you from me and connors cold , dead hands . Just go back to them , please . Im sorry i didnt have the heart to come visit . "

For whatever reason , it sounded so halfhearted for both of them . Maybe because lance didnt want to make her leave her home and talk to her about it . And they both knew it .

Pidge , she felt hostile .

So she made sure her children never spoke to him if he came .

The next time , he tried to coax her to leave with him to go home . Not happening .

The third time , lance got hella pissed , and started packing up their things . " Lance , why are you doing this ? I dont want to go back . "

And lance softened . " Because i want to take care of you . I finally found you , finally get to see my children , and i finally have money to take care of my family . "

Pidge dragged him out . " Ill consider it . "

_______________________________________

The next time he visited , pidge was ready to leave . " Ive said my goodbyes , said ill come visit . Dont let me down . "

The first thing they did was pack up her items . Put it in her old refurbished van , and while pidge drove his car , and lance drove her old van .

They went to the village , said one last goodbye , and with heavy hearts left . But something inside of pidge lightened . She was finally going home .

__________________________________________

Osara , old rosa , maybellina , tom , connor , they all came to visit pidge and lance when they got married . Their children - samantha for the older curly blonde and girasol for the younger straight black haired - were the little bridesmaids . How cute .

When matt and shiro got married , everyone came back again to celebrate .

Years went by . The village finally got internet , so lance and pidge got the occasional call , and called here and there . Connor and pidge and lance were still as close and cutesy as ever . They visited the village , watched it grow and expand . Helped pidges old friends out . They dragged connor out of a abusive marriage that firstly , left him with seven children , and secondly , a lot of freedom .

And life was nice . Even though pidges family were heavy pissed , they got over it within minutes and only had love left . Even when times got rough with connor when his family was slowly falling apart because of his wife , he managed to kick her out . Very nice .

And a lot nice things happened that lead them to a nice little marriage again , with a epic threesome . Yay for me wanting fluff ! Yay for connor , poor guy !

Fin

__________________________________________

I warned you , the ending was rushed .

Heres the original draft [ read for loss of braincells ] :

DURING HIGH SCHOOL LANCE AND PIDGE DID THE DEED , PIDGE GOT PREGGERS , LANCE SAID BYE AND SO PIDGE ENDED UP MOVING TO A RURAL AREA CAUSE SHE WAS SCARED HER FAM WOULD FYCKING HATE HER DUMBASS SO SHE PACKS UP AND GETS MONEY FROM WHEREVER SHE KNOWS OF AND THEN SHE JUST TAKES A BUS RIDE FAR FAR AWAY SOMEWHERE SO SHE COULD SAVE MONRY AND BE SELF SUFFICIENT IN A RURAL SHITHOLE AND ALL SO SHE LIVES IN A SHITTY DILAPITATED COTTAGE WITH HER KID WITH VIRTUALLY NOTHING LILE LITERALLY NOTHING ALL THE CLOTHES SHE HAS ITS FROM DUMPSTERS IN THE CITY AND THERES ONE FUCKING MATTRESS IN THE ONE ROOM AND LIKE A TABLE WITH TWO CHAIRS THATS IT BUT PIDGE SOMEHOW MANAGES TO WEASEL MONEY INTO HER FAMILY AND ALL AND ONE DAY LANCEP ULLS UP YEARS AFTER IN A FANCY FUCKING CAR AND SAYS HEY SORRY SHES LIKE NO FUCK YOU BUT LANCE COMES BACK THE SECOND TIME AND PIDGES LIKE KID DONT COME OUT IF THUS CUNT COMES BUT EVENT7ALLY THE THIRD TIME HE WRANGLES HER INTO HIS CAR BY LITERALLY TAKING THEIR SHIT AND SAYING YOURE MOVING AND HE ASKS HER KID TO FOLLOW HIM AND THE DUMBASS KIDS LIKE UH MOM LOL OK SO THEN PIDGES LIEK WHAT THE FUCK AND HE FORCES THEM TO HIS HOUSE SO THEY CAN LIVE A BETTER LIFE AND HIS KID WONT BE FUCKING UNEDUCATED AND UNVAXXED AND EVERYTHING AND HE CAN ACTUALLY MAKE IT UP TO PIDGE AND THAT PIDGE CAN GO HOME TO HER FAMILY SO PIDGES LIKE WHY AND HOW THE FUCK DID YOU FIND ME AND LANCE JUST SAYS HE SPENT FUCKING YEARS GOING FULL ON SHERLOCK HOLMES TO FIND HER DEADASS SO BECAUSE HER KID LIKES LANCE SHES LIKE FUCK OK SO EVENTUALLY THEY KISS KISS FALL IN LOVE BAM END YAAAAS

HWEN I SAID GOD AU I MEANT IT THIS HAS BEEN IN MY HEAD FOR MO N T H A

ANYWAY ELABORATING ON KISS KISS FALL IN LOVE HE GETS THEM A EPIC NICE HOUSE AND NEW CLOTHES AND SHIT AND CHECKS ON PIDGE AND HER KID EVERY FIVE SECONDS TO MAKE SURE THEYRE OKAT AND HE PLAYS WITH PIDGES KID EVEN WHEN HE HAS LITERALLY NO TIME LIKE HES WEARING FANCY CLOTHES AND HAS A CONFERNECE AT 3PM BUT ITS 255 AND HES STILL PLAYING WITH HER KID NADP IDGE HAS TO FORCE HIS DUMBASD TO LEAVE AND DO THE MONRY MONEY SO PIDGES LIKE HEY KID DO YOU LIKE PLAYING WITH HIM HAHA HES YOUR FUCKING DAD AND SHES LIKE WOOOAAAHHHH CAUSE SHES A DUMBASS KID SO DUMB KID LOVES LANCE RVEN MORE AND PIDGES LIKE I TILD HER YOURE HER DAD OKAY ILL GO COOK POTATOES NOW AND LANCE IS HAPPY HAPPY SO AFTER THE HAPPY HAPPY LANCE GOES INTO THE GUEST ROOM TO TALK TO PISGE CAUSE THATS HER HOME NOW AND THEY JUST DECIDE TO PUT AWAY THEIR UNDERLYING ISSIES FOR THEIR KID AND BECAUSE SEX MAKES EVERYTHING BETTER THEY HAVE SEX AND WOW LOOK PIDGES PREGNANT AGAIN FOR FUCKS SAKE SO LANCE TAKES CARE OF PIDGE LEGIT NOW AND GETS PIDGE A FUTURE JOB AFTER SHES DONE WITH CHILD OUT AND ALL SO ITS ANOTHER DUMB KID WHOOPIE WOWOWOWOWWO WHO FUCKING KNEW SO NOW HER FIRST KIDS LIKE TWO YEARS OLD BECAUSE THE ORIGINAL KID THAT SHE AND LANCE FUCKED WAS DEAD YEAH IT DIED BUT SHE WENT TO A CLUB AND FUCKED DRUNK LANCE AGAIN AND LEFT OR SOMETHING GOD ONOWS WHAT HAPPENED CAUSE LANCE SURE AS HELL DOESNT SO NOW PIDGE IS LIKE OH MAYBE HE ISNT A SHITBAG AND LANCES LIKE HEY HOT MARRY ME AND SHES LIKE LOL OK SO THEY KISSED KISSED FALLED IN LOVED

[genocider-syo-is-still-my-queen]

Danganronpa 1: Pregame au

Basically: What if the DR1 cast were fans of the Danganronpa series, and auditioned themselves? What would their old lives have been like? 

Warnings: Child abuse, sexual harassment, suicide and other sensitive topics.

Makoto - just an average boy... there's nothing special about him, not at all... in fact, no one would even notice he was gone if he ended up being dying in Danganronpa. So why not go for it? There's no hope for him doing anything impressive in the real world, so maybe he can make an impact in Danganronpa. Even if it's only small. (basically still average but less optimism)

Sayaka - She'd always watched Danganronpa (her parents were busy working and just left the TV on to keep her busy) , and wished she could be like them, like the wonderful detectives that solve everything! She was a quiet girl, and kept to herself, but reckoned she could make it if they just gave her a shot. Being the protagonist and being able to get through any trial (figuratively and literally) would be a dream come true! But waiting outside the audition room, she got a little nervous and fidgety. But she had always found that singing to herself could calm her down. So she did that a little, and managed to forget all her fears. A couple of staff were staring though... was it really that bad?

Leon - never knew what he wanted to do with life. His grades were alright, but he didn't really have any jobs that related to that (especially not a lawyer). He could run relatively fast, but didn't want to spend masses of time training. He could play some guitar, but didn't want to start a band or do anything with that. All around, people were pressuring him to make decisions "You need to do this, you're so good at it!" but he didn't have any real passions... So he choose the easy way out. Danganronpa would make the decision for him.

Chihiro - never really cared what others thought of him. Sometimes he liked wearing cute dresses, sometimes he wanted to wear more masculine clothing. But he'd never doubted that he was happy with himself. Even if other people looked in mixed disgust, he brushed it all aside cause he knew he was awesome. And hey, he did have some friends! But one of these friends wasn't doing too well, and was going to join Danganronpa as an escape. Chihiro tried to convice them it was a bad idea, but they wouldn't back down. So Chihiro decided that they would audition too, so they could try to protect them a little. (it's up to interpretation who the friend is)

Mondo - always overshadowed by his older brother. He was generally a quiet kid, but had some problems with his temper when he got mad. He didn’t like it, but he often got into trouble, and no one really liked him... And he was going to be expelled if he kept this up. And his parents always seemed so disappointed, even if they never said anything...  So he decided to audition for Danganronpa. 

Ishimaru - was always a bit of a loner. He found social interaction hard, as he didn't always grasp when people were joking or not. And apparently, he often sounded like he was being sarcastic, even though that was never his intention. His father died when he was young, and his mother moved with his grandfather. The grandfather would often jokingly talk about how Ishimaru needed to do better in class (even though he was averaging 96%). Grandpa Ishi didn't do this with any malicious intentions, but the boy took it to heart, and tried studying harder and harder. 

Eventually, the stress got too much, and he needed to take a real break. Around this time, there were commercials saying "apply now for Danganronpa: THH!" (they always gave initials but never what they stood for, build the suspense you know?). And Mamma Ishi said "Look at that, you're just the right age!" She was joking of course, she would never want her son to go through something like that.  But Ishimaru was never the best as recognising what people really meant...

Hifumi - was  a special case. He had been part of the online Danganronpa community for years (he was possibly too young when he got into it, but hey, the internet you know?). He was also a pretty popular fanfic writer, and had written several successful fangans. Team Danganronpa noticed this, and knew he was just about the right age now. So they contacted him directly, and made him an offer: he should join Danganronpa... as himself! Without any brainwashing to give a new personality or talent. Of course, if he ever told anyone the truth about the killing game, he'd be killed instantly. And in exchange, all of his works would legally belong to Team Danganronpa (who could capitalise off of them however they saw fit. This lead to the first magical girl spinoff, based on one of his earlier works. Also they made a couple of animated mini-series based on his fangans. They made tons) 

Hifumi accepted.

Celestia - never had anything. She never had a family, she never had a home, she barely had an education. All she wanted was to have a better life. And after all she’d been through, she deserved to have it all! But there was no way to get it realistically. So she auditioned for Danganronpa. If only for a short while, she’d have the happiness she’d been craving, and the lifestyle to go with it. 

Sakura Oogami had always been tall for her age. And she was often insecure about it. She also enjoyed sports, which lead to her becoming a little muscly as well - which she had always thought was unsightly for a girl. At 12 years old she was 5'10, and she soon found out why. She had a rare genetic mutation, that prevented her body from stopping her growth. But of course, this had some side effects - she wasn't going to live until 18. Sakura was understandably unhappy, but decided to do something with her life until she inevitably died. She decided to keep up the training, and started to love her muscles. She tried her best to be a good example, and do good deeds... 

But then she had an idea. In her youth, she had never really had tall muscly female role models. Or if they existed - they were one dimensional 'girls who learnt to fight because they have 4 brothers' (what strong female characters). There were also the tall girls in romcoms who guys were intimidated by. Girls needed more than that... so she would be the role model! At 16, and 6'3, Sakura auditioned for Danganronpa, not caring if she survived the game or not. All she wanted... was for people to look at her and say "Wow, I wish I could be like her"

Kyoko - tried her best. After a divorce in her youth, she didn't see her father much (as her mother's family was much better off, and fought hard for custody). But she loved both her parents a lot, and always wanted to impress them. Her father seemed pleased whatever she did, and her mother always told her she was proud. Her mother's family were very involved in her life, and seemed to question everything her mother did. It was only because they wanted the best for her of course! Remember what we said about Jin? And you went and married him anyway! Look how that turned out! 

 As she grew older - maybe 10 years old? - Kyoko saw her extended family in a harsher light. If they never had anything nice to say, why say it? She tried to stand up for her mother, but was laughed away, and her mother was criticised for not teaching her respect for her elders. But she was spending more weekends with her father now, and her parents seemed to be getting on better than before. Not good enough that they'd try again (yet), but it was better than nothing. And for the first time in years, Kyoko was able to spend time with both parents.

Unfortunately when she was 15, Kyoko's dad was given a new job... in a different country. And he promised he would visit, those times seemed few and far between. And during one of these times... her mother killed herself. And it seemed that she had been the one shielding Kyoko all these years. Without her, all the family's expectations were placed on Kyoko, pressuring her to do things she didn't enjoy. And it had been months since she'd last heard from her father... maybe he'd forgotten about her (her family wouldn't let his letters go through) 

 So she signed up for Danganronpa to get away. But as fate would have it, her father visited the day she was taken away for the game. He desperately pleaded to be let in. Heck, he'd even go through the game to save his daughter! And in a way, his wish was granted. Kyoko was intended to die in chapter 5, but with a connection to an extra like this? She could survive... plus, they had been looking for a headmaster.

Byakuya - was unsatisfied with his life. His father gave him gifts, but no love. All the toys he could want! But he was too busy to celebrate Christmas together. A great TV! But never a nice meal out. Whatever he wanted, except time together. His mother had died young, and Byakuya grew up lonely. But he understood, his father was a busy man after all. His father had plenty of expectations, and Byakuya tried to live up to them. His father never smiled at him, but he was always told "You're doing well boy." and that was enough. It was his father's way of showing affection... wasn't it? 

 He got though life, and he did a good job of it too. He was all set up to go to the most prestigious college, and go on to take over the company... but when he though about that future... he didn't enjoy the thought of it. He only saw himself growing up exactly like his father... and he hated the thought. Now Byakuya was going through that rebellious phase. And he wanted to do something new. Something his father would never approve of... Danganronpa. He was going to reinvent his image. When people thought Togami, they wouldn't think about the finance company, they'd remember the double murderer. And maybe his father could find someone else to take over.

Aoi - wasn't happy with her body. As long as she could remember, people had made comments about how attractive she was, and how they couldn't believe how young she was, she was so mature for her age (in personality, of course)! She loved donuts, but always got comments about she shouldn't eat so much, she'd get fat. She always felt judged for her interests. "You like Danganronpa? Name the favourite colour of the first person killed in the third chapter of Danganronpa 12: Failure and Puhuhu." (which is pretty hard, cause the murder was incredibly complicated and 5 people ended up dying, but not in the order they were found (one of who killed another after their own death)). But at least on the internet, there were people who didn't treat her like that. Until she worked up the courage to post a selfie of her cosplay. 

 She ended up auditioning for Danganronpa, if only to say "Do I know Danganronpa? I was in it fucker." one day. But she had one request if she got in - she didn't want to wear a mini-skirt.

Hagakure - was a bum. A complete and utter waste to society. He had been held back too many times. He didn't want it to be like this, but he could just never retain information the way other people could. He tried every studying technique, every book that said "NEVER STRUGGLE IN SCHOOL AGAIN IN 5 EASY STEPS!" but it didn't work. He tried his best, but he could never do it. And he hated it. He wanted to get a good job, to make his mama proud, but he could never do it, because he was just too stupid! He was a little too old to enrol in his school (and he made the staff look bad at official inspections), so he was officially hired as a janitor and was allowed to attend classes. (But hey, seeing as he was a student, they could technically pay him less than minimum wage. They wouldn't pay the student council now, would they?) 

 Hagakure wanted more. He couldn't do another year of trying and failing. He couldn't take the looks his younger, better classmates gave him. He couldn't. And there was no age limit for Danganronpa... you only needed to be in high school - which he was. It was worth a shot, if only to rid the world of his utter uselessness.

Toko - couldn't go on. Her mother and father hated her. Everyone hated her. She couldn't do anything right. She took the first chance to audition, and in the process she ended up spilling her entire life story. "Ah, I'm so sorry, I bet you're not at all interested in someone like me, I'll just leave now and save you the pain." But Team Danganronpa were interested (and hey, this saved them writing their own backstory! Just change that father to another mother (they're not lesbians, it's just very convoluted) and you're ready to go!). 

 Toko often found herself with blank spaces in her memory. The first was when she was locked in a cupboard for an entire day, but it didn't feel that long. She assumed she just passed out from not eating enough. But that wasn't quite true. Due to her trauma, she'd developed a severe case of DID (which went undiagnosed for years). This second personality was not a serial killer, was not a psychopath, was not objectively evil, and was not [insert negative DID stereotype here] 

 Team Danganronpa took one look at the potential of a 'split personality' character and simultaneously thought "It's free real estate"

Mukuro and Junko - They were twins of course, and had been kicked out onto the streets. It was them against the world. But they always stayed together. They were all the other had. While Mukuro became saddened by the world, Junko became angry. But they couldn't give up. Mukuro tried to make friends, to find a small jobs she could do - even if i meant she could only buy McDonalds for the two of them every day or so. Junko didn't try as much. Sure, she did some things when she could, but she wasn't going to give more back to the world than she had to. She was mostly dependant on Mukuro still. 

Mukuro wanted to create a new life. She found a job where the store manager was willing to turn a blind eye and let them stay in a small backroom. But Junko wasn't so happy. Whilst the manager was willing to let them stay for seemingly nothing, he was awfully pushy towards her. She smiled back, doing as little as she could without making him angry. She didn't want to be kicked out again. 

But she ran out of patience when the manager made a request that was too much. "That room's awfully cramped for the two of you. Why don't you spend the night at my place tonight? You can even sleep on a proper bed for once." Junko knew what he wanted. And like hell she was going to let him have it. She told Mukuro they needed to go, now. She didn't say the reason, but Mukuro knew she must have a reason. 

 Long story short - Junko stole a car. And they drove to the audition building. "We're going to join Danganronpa."  "What?" "It's better than what we have there. And we'll get nice food restocked everyday. And a school roof over our heads (unless we're in a resort DR, which would be even nicer)." 

 Junko and Mukuro auditioned separately, and Team Danganronpa let slip they were very interested in having a game with twins. Junko made a few comments too. "Wow, it'd be pretty tragic if one of the twins died, and the other had to live with the other's death until the final chapter." Team DR chuckled a little. "But if you try something like that... 

 "Please kill the one named Junko."

[yandere-daydreams]

 A commission for a lovely anonymous user, for their Attack On Titan OC (Elvina Wolfe) and a Yandere!Eren Yeager. I may have gotten a little too into that character, to be honest...

Word Count: 2k

It was a simple occurrence. Nothing more, nothing less. He’d been late for his first class, running through the near-empty halls with little concern for the yells of teachers or the other students jumping out of the way. Of course, this didn’t give him time to check around corners, leading to a straight, full-force collision with one of the dramatically named ‘untouchables’, Elvina. She’d been knocked over, and he scrambled to apologize and help her gather up a few scattered textbooks and papers. With a quick ‘look where you’re going next time’, she was on her way, and he’d never gotten the chance to hand her the single book he’d managed to grab.

That’s all it’d been, and yet, Eren couldn’t bring himself to move his feet. He stood there, staring down at the thick, hard-cover novel in his hands, wondering what the fuck he was going to do.

Elvina was above day-to-day life. Or, more realistically, she acted like she was. Cold, aloof, quiet to the point where some people questioned if she could even talk… The circle of people who had heard her voice was almost as small as those who dared to call themselves her friends. It wasn’t that she was mean, or harsh, or pushed people away, she just seemed to float above everything. Like nothing bad ever happened her, or like she be bothered to care. It certainly explained her choice in… company, to say the least.

Not many people noticed her as more than a passing face, someone to write off and consequently forget about. Eren was one of those people, or he had been, at least. They barely shared a mutual acquaintance (his ‘sister’ would often hang out in her social circles, if only for the sake of her goth aesthetic) and they had a lunch period together. Even those connections were tenuous, though. Not enough for him to approach her, let alone be a close friend.

Even with this, he felt an urge to reach out. It was subtle, more of an instinct than anything, but they were similar. Eren’s mother had died when he was younger, and his father had worked overseas since Eren was old enough to cook for himself. Her parents, albeit alive, were border-line negligent. When they weren’t working, they were on some ‘parental vacation’, one that Elvina wasn’t allowed to go on. It wasn’t a perfect match, but it could be enough. But, he couldn’t exactly go up to her and say ‘we both have absent parents, let’s hang out’.

And yet, here he was, holding her book. He spent the better half of that day considering the merits of thievery (how mad could she really be?), before figuring he’d have to return it eventually. Might as well make it soon.

~

The band room’s purpose was an open secret among students. Whenever the room wasn’t in being used for a class, there was usually some group of jocks or stoners claiming their territory. Today, Elvina and a few of her friends had claimed the empty space, as anyone would know by the sounds of soft laughter and gossip coming through the wooden doors.

Eren raised his hand to knock, immediately pushing it back to his side. Was he trying to make this more awkward? Instead, he opted to push the door open with his shoulder, almost regretting it when a tense silence immediately fell over the room.

“Um… Hey?” Historia stared holes into him, looking out-of-place in her, blinding, flashy cheerleading uniform. Ymir, carefully perched on her smaller girlfriend’s lap, gave Eren a slight wave before trying (and failing) not to laugh. Annie followed the other blonde’s lead, raising an eyebrow and crossing her arms, all while slouching further into her cracked plastic chair. He swallowed, trying not to crack under their rushed judgments. “Is Elvina here?”

“Behind you,” She called, voice soft. Eren let out a shaky breath, turning to face the brunette. She didn’t seem surprised to see him, or eager to get rid of her unwanted guest. With one hand gingerly running over a well-worn stuffed animal, she looked… natural. A little dazed, but peaceful. Inviting, in the way a shady forest is. “Yeager, right?”

“Right!” He yelped, abruptly knocking himself out of his daze. Sheepishly, he held out the book towards her, rubbing the back of his neck. “We ran into each other the other day… or, well, I ran into you. Anyway, you dropped this.” Elvina looked at the object for a moment, like it was some strange, exotic animal, smiling when she realized what it was. She mumbled a quiet ‘thanks’ as she took it, flipping through the pages. He let himself watch her for a moment, before turning to leave. “No problem, I guess. See yo-”

“Stay.” It wasn’t a request, more similar to a passive command. He paused, and she gestured to one of the empty chairs in their small circle. There was no explanation, just the invitation. “You know Ymir and Annie, and you seem nice enough. So, stay.”

With no rejections from the rest of the group, he took a seat. The conversation flowed on, Elvina’s seemingly exhausted stupor remaining resolute. Eren tried to pay attention, to keep up with the rest of her group, but his gaze seemed determined to stay on her.

~

“How long as you been following me?”

Eren froze, fists clenching at his sides. Seeing his reluctance, Elvina took a few reluctant steps towards him, closing the measured distance he’d been trying to keep. “Is this the first time? You’re really bad at it.”

He hadn’t been following her. He couldn’t follow someone, not like that. Following people was something stalkers did. Lunatics, criminals, bad people. Eren wasn’t a bad person, he’d just been… looking for an opportunity to talk to her. Away from school, and other students, and people who would’ve gotten in the way. If he’d caught her attention, they could’ve talked. They could’ve joked, and talked about her book, and realized how perfect their friendship could be.

Unfortunately, his opportunity came when she started to circle around him, regarding Eren with a paranoid suspicion. “I’m not following you,” He said, reflexively. The girl pursed her lips, obviously still wary. He crossed his arms, defensively. “I’m not lying! I live in this neighborhood. Just moved, in fact.”

“Yeah, definitely. I’ve never believed someone more in my life,” She responded sarcastically, spinning on her heels and continuing down the narrow street at a playfully fast pace. “I guess you must live on the same street as me, too. My next-door neighbor?”

“I’m telling the truth!” No, he wasn’t. He lived on the other side of town, more than an hour away from their current location. It’d take him a long time to get home, but as long as they got a chance to talk, it’d be worth it… probably. He ran after her, fighting to match her pace while the girl pretended not to acknowledge him. “Besides, isn’t this a dangerous part of the city? It’d be safer for us to walk home together.”

Elvina laughed. Not a smile, not a smirk, a laugh. Eren couldn’t stop himself from blushing, averting his eyes and desperately trying to hide his new-found embarrassment. Despite this, he smiled, feeling her nudge him teasingly. “Sure, stalker. Protect me from all the big, bad, dangerous outlaws roaming our city.”

He’d have to follow her more often. From a more comfortable distance, next time.

~

Eren didn’t mean for it to get this far.  He really, really didn’t mean for his behavior to get this out of hand. And yet, here he was, sitting on the edge of her bed and running a hand through her hair.

He’d been walking her home for about two months now, letting Elvina ‘catch’ him some days, but being more careful the majority of the time. In his defense, she never tried to keep him away. Her spare key was practically kept in plain sight, hidden half-heartedly under an outdoor rug. She never fully closed her windows, or made an effort to hide her address. It’s like she wanted this to happen… and maybe she did. Eren wanted to believe she planned all of her accidental gestures, that she knew he was just trying to protect her, that she wanted to be alone with him as badly as he wanted to be alone with her, but he knew better.

Still, it was a nice thought. One that might be true, eventually.

And she looked so happy here, clinging to that damned stuffed wolf a little less desperately as he played with a loose strand of her hair. As he’d learned (both from her vague confessions and watching her at home), night terrors were more than common for Elvina. It was usually just small episodes (sleepwalking, the occasional scream), but it kept her up for most of the night. Something like that would undoubtedly start to affect her health if no one stepped in. He needed to help her! And... it was satisfying, knowing that her relatively-peaceful sleep was caused by him. He eyed the water bottle on her nightstand, more out of gratitude than anything else.

Drugging someone he loved wasn’t an easy decision, but it was for the best. This way, she would be well-rested. She’d be better off, thanks to him. She could sleep, and he could watch her, enjoying the soft sounds of her shallow breaths and the way she sleepily clung to anything within reach.

And soon enough, she’d be clinging onto him the same way.

~

Elvina didn’t cry often. Not in front of other people, and not if she could help it. But, she considered making an exception, just this once. Waking up in a stranger’s basement, with one ankle chained to the bedpost and a pair of familiar green eyes staring holes into her, seemed like a great reason to cry.

“Eren… what the fuck is going on?” The question was blunt, tone apprehensive, but his smile barely wavered. He continued to kneel over her, grinning as she started to sit up. Calling the boy ‘happy’ would’ve been a severe understatement. He was damn-near ecstatic, practically leaping onto her as soon as she was close enough. He let go quickly, almost shyly, but he didn’t go far. A few centimeters, at most.

“I’m sorry, you’re probably overwhelmed,” He admitted, taking her hand in his. She tried to pull away, but his grip tightened, hopefully subconsciously. She didn’t want to know what would happen if she made a more obvious effort to defy him. “I guess this might be surprising, but you don’t have to scared. I’m not going to hurt you.”

She was silent for a moment, before reluctantly responding. “Let me go. Now.” The words were a growl, meant to be intimidating. The tears starting to form in the corners of her eyes might’ve gotten in the way of that, however. “I’m not going to tell anyone, but you have to snap out of this and get off of me.”

“I can’t do that.” Eren’s excitement softened, a frown tugging at his lips. Again, his grip on her hand tightened. There’d be bruises in a few hours, if she wasn’t lucky. And considering the way his nails were now digging into her skin, she wouldn’t be. “I love you, a lot. I want to be with you, and keep you safe. You don’t understand now, but you will. Even if it takes some time.”

“You’re delusional. You can’t keep me safe if you’re the one who kidnapped me,” She argued, pushing him away with her free hand. Eren acted swiftly, dropping her hand and wrapping his arms around her waist. She was pulled into his chest, one hand staying on her back while the other embedded itself in her hair. He hummed against her shoulder, like he was comforting a crying child. Like he wasn’t the one being crazy.

“Don’t say things you don’t mean.” Lips traced over her shoulder, kissing whenever he felt her breath hitch. It would be a sweet moment, and for once, Eren saw it as one. Elvina was finally realizing that she loved him, even if she hadn’t fully accepted it yet. Elvina, on the other hand, had never been more convinced she hated someone. Unfortunately, the boy wasn’t phased, smiling against her skin.

“We’re going to be so happy together.”

[soopertiddies]

You never forget how to ride a bike (unless you’re Elsa)

I was riding my bike for the first time in years and I thought of this. Obviously childhood milestones like learning to ride a bike wasn’t a huge priority for Elsa, BUT she would have to learn how to ride one for Anna’s birthday. 

Good thing she has Kristoff

Kristoff was used to Anna surprising him at the stables. She had attempted to scare him multiple times, and Kristoff didn’t have the heart to tell her that she was terrible at it. He could hear her excited giggles, as he approached and sometimes she would fall on her face. 

This was certainly NOT Anna. 

“Ow... Ow...” Someone whined, making Kristoff stop in his tracks. “Stupid, stupid bike. Stupid FROZEN bike.” 

Kristoff narrowed his eyes, and peeked around the stable door. The site was almost enough to make him fall to the floor in laughter. 

Once upon a time, he had been intimidated by the queen of Arendelle- as most people were; not many people were privy to the knowledge that she was a complete dork. 

He wasn’t all that surprise to find her sitting on the stable floor, arms crossed over her chest. She had a glare that was eerily similar to Anna’s, and it was situated on a bike that was in front of her. Kristoff was smart enough to piece together that she had attempted to ride the bike. The wheel was still spinning from where the queen had most likely fallen off. 

“Um, hello?” Kristoff chuckled, leaning against the door frame. 

Elsa jumped up so quickly that she nearly fell on her face again. She straightened her back, gently brushed the dirt off of her riding pants and gave Kristoff the most regal smile she could. Kristoff had to hand it to her, she was incredibly good at flipping the ‘I am the queen’ switch on. 

“Oh, hello Barron Kristoff.” Elsa said evenly. 

“Cut it out, your Majesty.” Kristoff scoffed. “Did you steal a kid’s bike and now you’re trying to freeze the evidence.” 

“No!” Elsa drawled out, narrowing her eyes. “I was... exercising.” 

“In the stables.” Kristoff deadpanned. 

“Yes.” Elsa said quickly. 

“So is freezing the bike part of the exercise, or...” Kristoff smirked. 

“Okay, fine.” Elsa sighed. “I was not exercising.” 

Kristoff’s eyes widened and he pressed his hand to his chest. “Did her Majesty, Queen Elsa LIE- the absolute nerve.” 

“Shut it.” Elsa rolled her eyes. “It’s just that I-.” 

Kristoff could not hear her next sentence. She looked down at her feet, shifting from foot to foot as she quickly and quietly confessed. 

“I didn’t catch that...” Kristoff said slowly. 

“I cannot ride a bike, okay!” Elsa snapped. “Go ahead and laugh it up because I’m in my twenties and can’t remember how to ride a bicycle.” 

Maybe in any normal situation, Kristoff would have found it a bit funny that Elsa couldn’t ride a bike. She seemed to be good at everything... Ice, running a kingdom... Climbing mountains. 

But, Kristoff couldn’t find it in him to even chuckle. She looked so depressed and sad, as she looked down at the bike- her arms wrapped around her waist. He knew there was a deeper meaning to this. 

“Did your parents not teach you-” Kristoff said gently, “Anna knows how to ride a bike.” 

“I was focused on other things.” Elsa said slowly, tensing up at the mention of other things. “I learned when I was five, but it was brief and I wasn’t good at it- my parents were scared that if I got hurt I’d show the kingdom my powers.” 

Ah, there was the underlying issue. Kristoff didn’t know what he expected. Despite the sisters being reunited, there were still times where the wounds were just too deep. The ice harvester honestly couldn’t say what he would have done in the late king and queen’s position, but when he saw how much Anna and Elsa had missed out on- he couldn’t say that concealing was an option he would have ever considered. 

“Any reason you wanna learn how to ride a bike now?” Kristoff questioned. 

“Anna’s birthday is in a month, and I’ve been planning EVERYTHING.” Elsa explained. “One thing she always wanted me to do with her, during my isolation, is ride a bike.” 

“Okay.” Kristoff smiled. “Let’s learn.” 

“What?” Elsa asked. 

“You wanna learn how to ride a bike, and we can’t tell Anna- obviously.” Kristoff shrugged. “So I’ll teach you.” 

How hard could it be? 

The difficult part was keeping Anna from knowing what they were up to. Elsa felt guilty, keeping a secret from her little sister. Kristoff was quick to reassure her that it was a surprise, and surprises were relatively harmless. 

Luckily for them, they both knew that Anna enjoyed walking through town around this hour with Olaf- so they had a couple hours for bike riding. 

Kristoff didn’t take into consideration how absolutely stubborn Elsa could be. 

He was careful to place the bike on a straight and smooth path that was left of the castle; he knew it would be easier for the queen to learn on. Well that and the fact that the other option was a hill that lead to the town and the fjord. Kristoff didn’t want to see Elsa accidentally murder anyone with her bike, or hurt herself. 

“Okay, so you just kind of kick off, right?” Kristoff struggled to explain. “So use your leg and push off the ground and start peddling.”

“But- if I can’t peddle fast enough I’ll lose my balance.” Elsa said, voice suspicious. “I’m much heavier than the bike.” 

“That’s why you don’t think about it.” Kristoff shrugged. 

“Don’t think about it?” Elsa scoffed. “That sounds incredibly dangerous.”

“You tend to overthink.” Kristoff reminded. 

“Kristoff, I know this.” Elsa deadpanned. “Did you forget that time I accidentally froze my entire kingdom?” 

“Just try it, okay?” Kristoff said. “I’ll be right here.” 

Elsa looked at the bike suspiciously before taking the bike from Kristoff. She took a deep breath and mumbled to herself before following Kristoff’s instructions. She put one leg over the bike, and kicked off with the other. Kristoff watched with bated breath as she wobbled, and smiled when she got the bike steady. 

He kept a distance as she went, not wanting to make her nervous or make her feel as if she was helpless; she was doing so well-

... And she ran into a tree. 

Kristoff’s eyes widened as she fell. He ran towards her, and helped her off of the ground. 

“You were supposed to be right beside me!” Elsa snapped, holding onto her arm and glaring up at Kristoff. 

“You were supposed to TURN.” Kristoff snapped back. 

“I was more focused on peddling.” Elsa sighed. “I didn’t even see the tree.” 

“Let’s try again.” 

They tried a total of three more times, and each one was more of a disaster than the last. 

The worst one had to be when Elsa nearly ran into an old woman, and instead hit a rock- and actually flipped the bike over. It was that incident that made Kristoff decide maybe a helmet was for the best. 

“I don’t need a helmet.” Elsa said slowly- the black eye that she was developing made her look slightly more menacing than usual. 

“Yes, you do.” Kristoff responded. “You would have Anna wear a helmet. You’re the responsible one.” 

“Yeah, with Anna.” Elsa rolled her eyes. “I am fine. I don’t like helmets they feel very restricting, and they make me hot and uncomfortable.” 

“You are so incredibly stubborn!” Kristoff snapped, his patience finally wearing thin. “I mean- I thought Anna was bad and then I had to teach you how to ride a bike!” 

“HAD to teach me?” Elsa laughed loudly. “You OFFERED to teach me. I was perfectly fine trying to teach myself.” 

“If you’re so set on teaching yourself, then teach yourself!” Kristoff yelled. 

“Fine!” Elsa yelled back. 

“FINE!” 

Before Kristoff could say anything, Elsa had kicked off of the ground, unintentionally. That would be okay, if she wasn’t facing straight... down the hill... which led to the town- which led to the... 

“Kristoff!” She screamed. 

Kristoff mumbled a few profanities before running after the queen. Unfortunately, she was simply going too fast- and Kristoff didn’t know if he could catch up with her. In the back of his mind he was trying to figure out how exactly he would tell Anna that her sister had died in a horrible biking accident that was kinda his fault. 

“Elsa, peddle!” He yelled. 

Elsa did just that, putting her feet on the peddles and trying to keep up. Much to Kristoff’s surprise, she was doing pretty well. 

“I’m doing it!” Elsa laughed. 

“You’re doing it!” Kristoff agreed, relieved. 

Well.. slightly. They were approaching the town and she was showing no signs of stopping. Luckily, it didn’t seem to be very busy, and those who were out and about were focused on their queen and the royal ice harvester screaming at each other. 

“Okay, Elsa, the fjord is approaching- you have to stop!” Kristoff explained. 

“What? How?” Elsa yelled frantically. 

“What?” Kristoff asked... He hadn’t taught her how to stop the bike. She had fallen off of the bike all the other times. 

“How do I-” 

Around that time, Elsa ran into the chain that was separating the fjord from the town. Almost in slow motion, she flipped over the chain, hit the ground and fell into the fjord. 

“ELSA!” 

Elsa moaned as she opened her eyes. She could feel a hand stroking her cheek... was she dead? Did she die in a weird bike accident. Was this the afterlife? 

“You’re not dead.” A voice sighed. 

“You... can read minds?” Elsa said slowly, she was so confused. Who was talking? 

“No, dork.” The voice giggled. “You said it out loud.” 

Elsa gently opened her eyes, and saw Anna smiling down at her. Elsa grinned and eased into the pillow. She should have known that voice, but her mind was so foggy at the moment. 

“What happened?” Elsa whispered. 

“Well, I was walking home with Olaf and I saw you speeding down the hill. Kristoff was behind you screaming... You kinda wrecked the bike, did a couple of front flips and fell into the fjord.” Anna explained. 

“I got knocked out?” Elsa asked. 

Anna’s eyes widened, and she gave Elsa a confused look. “Knocked out? Elsa you’ve been a sleep for five months.” 

“WHAT?” Elsa gasped, going to sit up. 

Anna quickly stopped her and helped her lay back in bed. She was red in the face with laughter. 

“No,” She snorted, “you’ve been out for about an hour.” 

Elsa glared at her little sister before forming a snowball in her hand, and shoving it in Anna’s face.

“Hey!” Anna whined. 

“I told you it wasn’t funny.” Kristoff chuckled. 

Elsa turned her head towards the ice harvester. She gave him a gentle smile. She didn’t want him to feel guilty; she was the one who had been stubborn, and pushed the bike down the hill. 

“I’m sorry about what I said...” Kristoff said slowly, scratching the back of his head.

“I was being difficult, it’s okay.” Elsa replied. 

Anna looked between the two. “So, are you guys going to tell me why Kristoff was trying to teach you to ride a bike.” 

“Nope, dear sister that’s a surprise.” Elsa smiled. 

“Oh, what kinda surprise?” Anna gasped. 

“...Let’s just say, it’s going to be perfect.” Elsa grinned. 

[theoreticallyawriter]

Chapter 4: No Place Like Home

Read on Ao3

I push the front door open and listen to the electronic lock reengage, it’s the only noise in the house besides my own breathing. I live in a really nice part of the city. It’s near the center and relatively big because my mother is our faction head’s right hand. There’s no one home to greet me, there never is. I like it, or at the very least, I’m used to it.

“Home sweet home,” I say to nothing. I look around and try not to think about how this is the last afternoon I will ever come back to this house after school.

I walk up to my room and drop my schoolbag next to my desk. Then I walk out and down the hall stopping at the first door to the right of mine.

We have guests often enough to warrant a guest bedroom, which is what Melanie’s old room has been converted into. Mostly it’s just Jeanine, working too late into the night to bother with driving home, but my cousins come to stay from time to time as well. Two years ago, Victoria lived with us for several months and this is where she stayed. It’s not really something that I like to remember, probably one of the most miserable events I’ve ever experienced second-hand. Her parents died horribly and she was living in a strange faction with her sister who’d transferred years ago and was woefully unprepared to raise a child. That was before Gwendolyn and Melanie were living together, when Gwendolyn was still looking for a house because her apartment was little more than a hole in the wall that she barely even lived in. All she’d ever needed it for before was to have a bed to collapse into after working all day and through most of the night. I went there a few times; there were six pieces of furniture at the very most and she’d never really bothered with decorating. My family did everything that we could for the two of them, but it wasn’t easy then and I would argue that it still isn’t easy. Victoria fits well in Erudite; she’s studious, and quiet, and well behaved. But she’s closed in on herself in a way that even concerns Gwen, who has very few friends to speak of on account of the fact that she cares about Vic, Melanie, and her work and basically nothing else.

I flop down on the bed, staring up at the ceiling. I remember very well what this room looked like before Melanie was gone; the clothes everywhere, the messy desk, the bookshelf packed beyond what it was really meant to hold, a corkboard where she kept pictures and other keepsakes from events. It was a lively kind of chaos that’s not like how Melanie is now. She grew up; she’s poised, and perfect, and elegant just like our mom. I sometimes wonder to myself if I’ll grow into that too and I’ve just yet to figure it out. Unfortunately, I don’t really have the time to see if that’s what happen; if I really can just grow into everything I’m supposed to be. Melanie’s been perfect to some degree or another for basically as long as I can remember. Even before she was the way she is today she was always good at everything she tried and always tried at everything she did. I’ve looked up to and envied her since I was a child in the way that most younger siblings do.

I wonder if she feels the same way about Minerva. Probably not; Minerva’s amazing but she’s different, she fundamentally grates against the values that were instilled in us since we were children with basically everything she does. She doesn’t believe in tradition or convention and she’s never tried to hide that. But Melanie – and Michael too actually – for as much as the love her, don’t really seem to agree. Michael, I know, thinks that everything has limits and there’s only so far that you can push.

It’s not as small minded as it sounds, I promise. Erudite is a lot of things but small minded isn’t one of them.

I pick at the plain bedspread, fighting the urge to fall asleep here. I wonder what my parents will do with my bedroom after I’m gone; what project they’ll take up. Maybe a private library like the one Jeanine has, like the one they’ve wanted for years but never truly got around to. Instead, our books are scattered on high shelves about the house, packed tight with my parents’ impressive collection of material.

It used to feel like my siblings lingered in their old rooms, the twins in particular. Parts of Melanie and Michael stuck around long after they left in a way that they didn’t with Mark and Minerva. I was young when they left; not too young to feel it but too young to be close to them like I was close to the twins. Michael used to tell me stories, read to me, explain the latest thing he was learning about to put me to sleep when I was young; Melanie taught me everything she learned to entertain me. They were born to be Erudite and I was their precious little sister.

I love them. They linger.

I love Mark and Minerva too, but they don’t feel like that. It doesn’t feel like the ghosts of them wander around the house when I’m lonely. Maybe that’s because I was so young when they left, maybe it’s because every trace of them but our family photos has been scrubbed clean by time and change; or maybe it’s just been so long that my connection to living with them, the way that they were an inextricable part of my day to day life is nothing but a fond memory. I wonder if my parents feel that way too; I wonder if they’ll feel that way when I’m gone. In these recent months I have missed living with my siblings more than I ever have before and it’s hard to tell if that’s because I actually miss them and constantly having them around or simply longing for a time when I didn’t have to worry about growing up. I was seven when Mark left and that was the first experience I’d ever had with losing someone so close to me. I don’t remember how my parents reacted, but I remember that Minerva was furious and I was terribly upset. I didn’t really understand why my eldest brother had decided to just leave like that. It wasn’t even close to the last time I ever saw him of course. I’ve seen him many times since then, and I try to keep that in mind every time I get scared about never seeing my family again. Mark and Minerva are still as present in my life as they can be; sometimes it feels like they are about as present as the twins are. That’s not really something I like to think about either; no matter how pleasant the thought may be I know it’s not true and all it serves to do is drag me down.

It’s not that I resent any of my siblings for chasing the life that makes them happy, for doing everything that they want for themselves. I love them, it just gets sort of depressing being all alone in this massive house when I can very clearly remember a time when I was never alone, when there were always people around. Things still get crowded from time to time; my parents still have people over for all sorts of things and we go to even more social events than we host, but it’s not the same without my siblings. It’s boring and almost everyone I meet at those events is boring, and sometimes Erudite feels like everything I could ever want and need but sometimes I’m just bored of it all and there’s nothing that I wouldn’t do to get away. I wish that I could talk to one of the twins about it or something, or maybe Gwendolyn or Maureen would be better because they’re both transfers. Gwendolyn came from Dauntless, she would know what it’s like; but she never talks about it, she says that she left for a reason and that’s all she’s ever said of it. She and Maureen are perfect Erudite too, just different kinds. Gwendolyn devotes her entire life to her job and always has; she’s like a supercomputer, it’s really incredible actually. She’s this quiet genius who doesn’t waste time talking and is mostly action.

Maureen has always been great at balancing her life. She’s struck a perfect harmony between her work, her new family, and her hobbies. Her life always seems so simple and easy and I know that’s because she’s put so much work into getting it figured out. I don’t ask her about Candor often, but what she does tell me is hardly anything that I want to do. I never thought to ask her or Gwendolyn what it was like to transfer. I guess I shouldn’t now or that would probably give something away.

Both of them and the twins would tell me to stay; in my position I’m sure that they would stay. I am mostly Erudite so it is only logical that I choose Erudite. My parents would say the same thing.

Mark and Casey would both want me in Amity with them; would try and convince me that it is the place that I would be happiest. And they’re probably right; Amity is an infinitely kinder place than Erudite or Dauntless. But I’m not really sure if kind is what I want or what I am.

Minerva would probably just give me some non-advice like ‘do what feels right’, the problem is that nothing feels right. Nothing feels exactly like it fits me, like I’ll fit anywhere, like I don’t fit anywhere. I just want to be satisfied wherever I am, and I don’t want to fail. I want to be somewhere where I can go far, where I can at least try to live up to my family’s legacy. I am so afraid of falling behind if I stay; afraid of getting lost in the crowd and unable to ever rise to prominence like the rest of my family has. God knows Eliza could and does outclass me easily. Even the rest of the people that I don’t like, like Dahlia, just because I hate them doesn’t mean they aren’t smart. Can I really risk the embarrassment and disappointment of not just falling behind, but never making up to a rank of any importance in the first place? There are so many people that are far more talented than I am, people who work so much harder than I do and I don’t want to fall behind. Erudite is huge, and difficult, and daunting and I can’t say with any certainty that I will survive here; there are so many that don’t.

But would I fare any better in a place like Dauntless?

I like to think that I’m pretty fast; and I might not be as strong as some of those born into the faction but I am far from weak. Still, I’ve heard terrible things about Dauntless and the people that live there and what if that’s just as bad as trying to survive Erudite? What if I can’t make it there either?

I rub my eyes and sit up, drumming my fingers on the bed before standing up again. The clock on the nightstand tells me that it’s almost five. It will be another three hours at least until my dad comes home, and he’s the one of my two parents that comes home early. I very severely doubt that my mother or my siblings will make it over tonight. Between the problems with the Aptitude Tests and the last minute preparations that need to be made before the initiates arrive I am sure that everyone is plenty busy.

It’s okay though, I’m used to it.

I read until my dad comes home in the late evening, finishing up a novel that I wasn’t actually very interested and would never read again even if I would get the chance too. I hear the front door shut faintly and finish up the last paragraph of the book before getting up and opening my bedroom door. From the balcony that overlooks the living room I can see him pacing back and forth, on the phone.

“She’s going to be so disappointed; you know that, right?” He runs is hand though his hair while the other person talks. “You know I love you and she loves you too, but that doesn’t mean she’s not going to be upset. I mean you’re working through the last night we may ever get with her.” He rolls his eyes at the person on the other line’s response and I realize who he’s talking to immediately. “I hardly doubt that matters, she’ll just want to see you. Send Jeanine, Gwen, and the twins my love. Bye, Dear.” He hangs up and turns, seeing me looking down.

He sighs and then smiles feebly. “Hey, Mim.”

“Was that Mom?” I ask.

He frowns. “Yes. She’s, uh, not going to be able to make it for dinner. None of them are.”

I nod. I figured.

“But, uh, that’s okay. Your mother says she’ll be home later and we can do something then.”

I nod again. ‘Later’ with my mother always means in the very earliest hours of the morning so she can get a few hours of sleep before going straight back to work. I guess I’ll just see her tomorrow at the Choosing Ceremony.

“Why don’t you take a seat on the couch and you can tell me about your day while I get started on dinner.”

I walk downstairs and sit on the long couch. I know that I’m doing a poor job of masking my disappointment, I did a poor job of masking it when Melanie had to leave. I’ve come to expect it, but it still stings every time it happens. I can tell that my dad feels bad about it, and that he feels like he has to make it up to me. My dad is almost always doing extra things for me when my mother can’t be around. I think that he thinks that I don’t understand, but I do. I know that she’s busy; I know my whole family’s busy just like I know that he makes a conscious effort to take off early so I’m not alone into the late hours of the night but my mom is the faction representative and she doesn’t have that luxury. Having to work all the time is basically in her job description and I know that.

I still miss her though.

“How did the test go?” my father asks from the kitchen.

“The test was fine.”

“Melanie said there was some sort of malfunction with a few different ones.”

“Yeah, she was telling me about that this afternoon. Some sort of system failure in which the results had to be entered manually.”

“Happens pretty much every year,” my father says. “You’d think with how far we’ve come in these past few decades we’d have better testing equipment.” He glances back at me and chuckles. “Don’t tell Jeanine I said that.”

I laugh. “I’ll be sure to do exactly that.”

A long time ago, Jeanine worked on the team that developed the serum that they use for the Aptitude Test today, she and another scientist perfected it and that was the achievement that helped get her into office. Its why she’s so popular; everyone knows what a genius she is and everyone is very aware of how much she has done for this city.

At the same time, my mother was already the faction representative. She got elected when she was twenty, the youngest ever, after her predecessor and mentor died suddenly of some sort of allergic reaction. She was poised to take over for him anyways and that process just got expedited after his sudden death. She has been serving on the council for the vast majority of her adult life and has held office for the second longest duration of time out of the ten council members. The only one who’s been serving longer than she has is the Dauntless leader.

“Did anything interesting happen at work today?” I ask.

“Not in the slightest. I mean unless you want to hear about the seating arrangements for the Choosing Ceremony as well as the truly ungodly amount of meetings that it takes just to settle a minuscule component of our,” he sighs and turns to look at me, an insincere and saccharine grin on his face. “endless dispute with Abnegation.”

“Not really.”

“So, big day tomorrow.”

“Really big day,” I agree.

“Have you given any thought to your choice?”

“Tons.”

“And? How’s that going?”

“Just fine.” I leave out all of the parts about freaking out because I’m something rare and dangerous and I don’t really belong anywhere. “What was choosing like for you, Dad?”

“Oh. Well, it was never much of a choice,” he says. “I always knew what I wanted.” I’ve heard people tell stories about choosing their faction before with wistfulness for their youth. But my father just sounds bitter about it; I don’t know why, he was born Erudite, there shouldn’t have been any bad blood there.

“Were you excited?”

“Sure,” he says, though his voice suggests otherwise. “Always exciting, getting to start your life and whatnot. You really figure out who you truly are.”

We’re silent for a minute before I speak up again. “Dad.”

“Yes, Sweetheart?”

“Why did you choose Erudite?”

Give me a reason to stay, I think. Give me a reason that doesn’t involve the family. Tell me why you didn’t leave.

He is silent for a long time before he says, “Because it was the only place that I ever wanted to be. I knew – I knew my friends, and my family, and I knew myself, and Erudite was the only place I felt like I belonged.”

“You already knew Mom back then, right?”

“Mhm. Your mother, Jeanine, and I were good friends for quite some time before our choosing.”

“So you stayed for her? – and, uh, the rest of your friends?”

“I stayed for me.” And he sounds so sure of himself when he says it; sure of himself in a way that I don’t know how to be. He knew himself, and he knew what he wanted, and he knew where he wanted to be. Everything that he did, he did for himself. For him, there was never any other way to go.

“Mimette, I want you to stay. But if that’s not what you want, then you should follow your heart.”

“Like Mark and Minerva did.”

His brow furrows slightly, “Right.”

It doesn’t take a Candor to tell that he’s being insincere. Neither of my parents really approve of Mark and Minerva’s choices, though they will never say so aloud.

“What about Mom?” I ask. “Why did she stay?”

He shrugs, “I think she knew what she wanted out of life too. She was born into a life very much like yours and she was very determined to be a certain way. I honestly don’t know, Mimette, you’ll have to ask her.”

I wish that I were like my parents, I wish that there were never any other way for me to be. I wish it were easy for me to stay, to look around and know that Erudite is all that I have ever wanted.

“What was your Choosing Ceremony like, Dad?”

“Well, I was a little older than you because that was just how things were back then. Why they changed it, I’ll never understand.” He rolls his eyes. “But I digress. It wasn’t so different; same ceremony, different names. Nothing exciting.  But the look on his face suggests something else, a tense smile like it was interesting.

I shrug. “You should tell me anyways. I don’t really have anything else to talk about.”

“Well, didn’t you see your sister today? How was that?”

I scoff, “Oh yeah, I saw her for all of five minutes before she had to rush off back to work.”

“Don’t be like that,” he says. “How was she while you saw her?”

“Fine, I guess. I mean, she seemed busy, but she always is.”

“Mimette,” my father says. “You know that your sister loves you very much, right? Your mother does too; they’re just busy. Everyone is busy; that’s just how life in Erudite is.”

“I know.”

It’s part of the reason I don’t want to stay. I’ve seen pretty much everyone I know get completely absorbed by their work. It consumes them and it sucks for everyone else in their life. I don’t want that; I don’t want to do that to other people and I don’t want to do that to myself. I’ve never been afraid of hard work; but I’m a little uncomfortable with Erudite’s insane workload. It doesn’t seem like something even the most talented people could handle, even though they do, and it certainly doesn’t seem like something I could handle. I don’t have that kind of resolve that people like Eliza and Kira do. Just another thing that makes me glaringly not Erudite.

“By the way,” I add, “she was wondering if you had the number of Damascus’ floristry.”

My father visibly cringes. “Uhm…Nope. No, I don’t think I do.” His voice is strangely high and tense. I’d expected him to be annoyed, not…whatever he is right now. He lets out an uncharacteristically nervous laugh. “Anyways, how are your friends doing?” he asks. “Cassandra and Elizabeth, did their tests go well?”

I accept the change of subject and say, “Yeah, I think so.” I don’t tell him about how Casey plans to leave and how I know that I could follow her and Mark and that is a viable future for me. I could, but I’m not sure if I could ever thrive there. I don’t tell him how I know that Eliza will fit better in Erudite better than I ever could and how I wish that I were like her. I wish that I could be Erudite enough.

“That’s good. You girls must be very excited.”

“Mhm.” Maybe I’d be more excited if I didn’t know for a fact that Casey was going to leave me; that if I stay I will always have Kira and Eliza but I might never belong the way that they do and I’m not sure how to keep that from bothering me. When I was younger I just assumed that those roles were something that people grew into, that by the time my Choosing Ceremony rolled around I would be as mature, and intelligent, and elegant as the rest of my Erudite family. But here I am a day away and I don’t feel like any of that; I just feel like me. My father scoops the pasta he was making onto two plates and sets them on the table before returning to the kitchen to clean up before we sit down.

“I know that you’re nervous,” he says. “But I promise this is nothing to worry about. It’s the start of the rest of your life, it’s a happy occasion.”

I nod.

“It can be...difficult to change and to lose people. They say that one in ten people transfer out of Erudite every year. But some people just aren’t cut out for it.” There’s that thousand-mile stare again, like he’s going back to some bad memory. “It’s not...not nearly as hard as you think it is.”

I’m not sure if he’s right about that. My father is Erudite, so it comes naturally to him. But for me it all seems insurmountable at times. It feels like I would be better off leaving to do something else, to go somewhere where I have a better chance at making it through. I know just how difficult Erudite can be; just how absolutely horrific certain facets of being here can be and a small part of me can even understand why people in other factions might hate us. From the outside looking in, we must look awful to some people. For the Abnegation, who live dull and simple lives in their silence and complacency, we must look horrible. It’s no secret that they find everything that we do, the way that we live, offensive on the deepest level. We are in direct contrast to everything that they believe in. I will never be Abnegation, that I know for sure. And I’ll never be Candor, so that’s two out. But I think about Amity and I think about Dauntless and to an extent they both seem feasible. If I were to work hard enough, maybe I’d be able to shape myself into what they are.

I get up from the couch and pick up my plate. “Dad, I think I’m just going to eat in my room. I – I have a lot to think about.”

He looks up and smiles softly. “Okay, Mim. I understand. I love you.”

“I love you too.”

I start up the stairs and leave him to eat alone and I do feel sort of bad about that, but we both know that I really do have a lot to think about. My entire life depends on the choice that I make tonight.

No pressure or anything.

I guess what it really boils down to is what I want out of life. More than anything I want to live up to my family’s legacy. I want to be as great as they are. I want to do something important, I want to be important. If I stay, I would never stop working; I would never be able to. I could throw myself into my work and let everything else become background noise. I could become well respected in my field, I could discover something important. I might just be able to do some real good. There’s so much that I want to do and I’m not sure how to do any of it.

I could stay and I could always have my family close to me. I would always have my parents and the twins and everyone connected to them. I would get to keep almost all the people that I care about. I would get to keep everyone but Casey.

Or I could follow her to Amity. I could spend all of my days in the fields with people that are always smiling. We could be happy together. Someday the time that I would have Mark around would be greater than the time that he was gone. I would get to keep my first friend, and get my eldest brother back. I would never stop smiling; I would never be unhappy.

Or I could be Dauntless. I would have none of the security or the familiarity, but all of the adventure. I could decide for myself and by myself what sort of person I am and who I want to be. I would never have to worry about my family’s expectations ever again because the choice alone would defy everything that everyone thought I would be. I could be strong, and bold, and loud. Dauntless have no sense of propriety or elegance and there is something amazing in that. Something awe-inspiring that draws me to them just a little bit. It would be a place of my own where I could establish myself without ever being in my family’s shadow.

I wonder if this is how Mark and Minerva felt when they decided to leave. They got to stake a claim to Amity and Candor respectively and no one ever associated them with who they were related to. If I go to Dauntless I could do the same.

But then I would never have those ties to my friends and family. I would grow apart from my friends and eventually lose them entirely, the time and the distance between us would eventually grow too large for any of us to hold onto anything but nostalgia. I might never see them again. I might even begin to forget them after a while.

If I become Amity I would lose all of the potential that I have to do something really amazing. Amity aren’t exactly known for their complexity. Short of becoming a faction leader there is nothing that I as an individual could do for Amity or for Chicago. I might be losing my chance at greatness. I like and respect Amity and the people there; I think that there is a lot of strength in being so gentle and they play a great role in everyone’s prosperity. We would not survive without them. But they’re not exactly what I want. I mean, I see how I could choose there and I know that in some ways I could be happy. But I’m not sure if I could ever really be satisfied there, if I could live my life without ever looking back and wondering what might have been if I wasn’t so afraid to try something.

If I stay, I might fail. It’s as simple as that, I might wash out of initiation entirely or I might just never get out of my family’s shadow. I could never amount to anything and simply be a disappointment. I could just as easily do exactly what I aim to and lose myself entirely in the process. I could lose all of my friends and everything that I care about and simply let my work become my entire life. I could do something really important and lose everything in the process. Worst of all, I’m not sure if that isn’t worth it.

If I go to Dauntless I would be alone. I would know nothing and no one and I could still fail. Hardly anyone transfers to Dauntless because the chance of getting chewed up and spit out into factionlessness is so high. It’s not for the faint of heart, though I suppose that is the point. I want to imagine that it’s all thrill and fun, it looks like it’s so much fun. Every Dauntless I’ve ever seen always looks so happy, like their whole life is an adventure. Part of me very desperately wants to feel that way, wants to feel free and reckless. It should all send me running, it should grate against everything I know and it does, but it doesn’t irritate me and it certainly doesn’t scare me. It fascinates me far more than it probably should. Fantasies are all well and good, but I’m supposed to be the person that my family wants me to be, and I do think that I have the best chance of doing that in Erudite. I want to be like my family, I want to be like my mother and to do that I have to stay Erudite. That is the highest score on my aptitude test and therefore it should come the most naturally to me. It is who I am. It has to be.

September 1st, Year 499

Tomorrow is the Choosing Ceremony and this year I will be a part of it. It’s the day that every kid in the city waits for with great excitement. It’s the day that we become adults. But me, well I’m terrified. I’ve never been totally sure of myself or my footing in Erudite, I always thought that I might just grow into it eventually. But clearly that hasn’t happened. A few years ago, I started wondering if I just wasn’t meant for Erudite; if maybe I belonged in Amity or Candor like Mark and Minerva did. It fascinated me as much as it terrified me. I knew even then that to be either of those things I would have to leave behind everything that I know. I would have to give it all up and hope that I’m making the right decision. I never really stopped thinking about that, but as my Choosing Day drew closer I just started pretending like nothing was wrong. I was hoping that the Aptitude Test would tell me how to decide, that it would clear away the fog and show me what had always been right in front of me this whole time; who I truly am.

Instead it only confused me more.

Apparently, I’m some sort of rare freak that can fit into more place than one and just writing this out could get me into some serious trouble. My test administrator never really told me what sort of trouble beyond ‘don’t tell anyone ever’. I don’t ever want to find out exactly what those consequences might be. The test told me that, theoretically, I could suit Erudite, or Amity, or Dauntless.

I had never even considered that Dauntless could be a possibility. I had hardly thought about them at all except for the tiny glimmers of admiration I keep to myself. I mean, who doesn’t admire them? They always look so happy, so free; they’re like a daredevil version of the Amity – and I’m sure that any Dauntless would punch me for saying so, but it’s true. It’s just that, the way they are was always sort of alluring to me; I guess I’ve always sort of fantasized about what it might be like to never be bound by things like propriety or convention. If I thought I could be that then I guess I might try to, but as much as I like to imagine it I don’t think I could ever be like that. I don’t think that I am the sort of person who could ever fit among them.

Except, according to the Aptitude Test, I am.

I’ve never been especially superstitious; it’s really hard to be in Erudite, which places importance on things that can be observed by at least one of the five senses and theories that can be tested over everything else. No one really believes in fate, or soulmates, or destiny, but I hear them used in hyperbole. I’ve heard enough about fate and destiny that even though I don’t really believe in it, I can still think about it and sometimes I wonder if there really is something like it, if all of our choices are decided for us before we’re even alive and there’s nothing we can do to change it. Though, I guess that’s a little bit bleak; I guess that really takes all of the control away from each and every individual and none of us really have any choice in anything. So maybe being fated for anything isn’t really a good thing.

I have a choice tomorrow. They will call my name and I will choose my faction and that will be the rest of my life right there, that will become my path. Whether or not I manage to actually make it wherever I choose is something else all on its own. I decide the way that I want my entire life tomorrow, and I’m terrified.

It should be easy; the answer should obviously be Erudite. I know this place like the back of my hand, I’ll have at least one friend here for sure and more than half my family. I could do something really amazing here and I can’t just let that go to waste. I’m smart; I like learning and I’ve never been afraid of hard work. I know how to act and so many people already like me. If I make it through initiation then it should be very easy for me to climb to the top. I’ve put very little thought into what I really want to do with my life – I always thought that I should wait until I knew where I was going to choose to decide the career I wanted to pursue – but I have always been fascinated by the faction council. I guess that’s one of the side effects of being the daughter of the Erudite rep and a council liaison. I think the work that the leaders and the people that work at the Hub do is interesting and important. I know that it can be vicious, and petty, that the reality of working on or for the council is often hard, boring, and thankless. I know that there’s a million rules to it that no one ever teaches you and one misstep can ruin you.

But still, I want to be there.

It’s lofty, and it’s incredibly ambitious, but that’s part of who I am and it’s what most of my family does. I’ve never thought that I’m very arrogant, but I really do think that I can do it. Like I said, I have never been afraid of hard work. That career is something that I could do anywhere, it’s all a matter of how easy the climb will be. I think that every faction presents its own unique challenges, especially Erudite, if I stay I will be subjected to the especially cruel and brutal competition and the mad grab for attention and the power that comes with that attention that every initiate who doesn’t want to be lost in the pack has to make. I’ll have to be prepared to fight tooth and nail for everything and I’ll have to be prepared to fail. I have a bit of a leg up because I already know how Erudite’s initiation works. But the thing that Michael told me about it that always stuck with me was that no matter what it will make you feel stupid and like you don’t know anything and can’t form an argument, because you are, and you don’t, and you can’t. Erudite bleeds the weak ones dry and that’s why there’s a twenty-five percent failure rate. Even some of the ones that manage to make it through suddenly find themselves swept away, unable to keep their heads above water or are eaten alive. Loyalty can either mean absolutely everything or absolutely nothing to people and sometimes that will change the moment they have the opportunity to get ahead. It’s vicious, and I don’t love it, it terrifies me. The twins never seemed bothered by it, but I guess they were always very confident in their abilities. I don’t know how to be ruthless, that’s not me. If nothing else, I am very sure of that. I just want to be happy in life and I want to make other people happy; I want to be able to do some good.

I guess that’s the Amity in me.

I don’t know how I’m supposed to do this. I don’t know how I can possibly choose between my family and everything that I know and…something else? Something that might fulfill me in a way that Erudite couldn’t? Something that makes me happier than I am here? I don’t know; I don’t know why I would ever even consider leaving, but I still do. I don’t want to leave and I don’t want to stay and I can’t really think of a good and definitive reason for either. I can think of certain advantages and disadvantages to both possibilities, but neither are exactly something huge enough to make my decision even though some things should be. I should stay for my family, I should stay for my friends, I should stay for my future and to be the person that my family has always wanted me to be, the person that I have always wanted to be. I should go because I’m not really happy here, I should go because I can’t stop thinking about what it would like to be anywhere but here, I should go because I crave a life that no one can stake a claim to but me, I should go because there’s a sliver of a chance that I might be able to survive without everything I’ve ever known and part of me wants to take that chance.

I just want to belong somewhere. I’ve always felt a little too out of place in Erudite, a little too much like I was playing a part that I was trained to fit into rather than being the person that I am. Erudite is in my blood, it is all that I have ever been taught to be. Everything my parents taught me to be was under the assumption that I would be Erudite and a really incredible one at that. They tried to show me the reality of being powerful in Erudite as best they could and I have met the most powerful people in Erudite and I have grown up around wealth and prosperity. I can name every department head and most of their family members. The department heads and those who work for the Faction Council are among the most powerful in Erudite, the ones with all of the luxury and glory. I have been meeting them since I was very young and I have been taught how to be the perfect daughter. But I’m not sure how much of who I am is predisposition, a part of my personality, and how much of it has been ingrained into me because that’s just how I’m supposed to be. I know how to be perfect, I was raised to be perfect. But can I keep this up my whole life? Will it eventually become natural or will I always feel out of place in my own faction?

But if I leave, if I become Dauntless and forgo everything that I know for a wild kind of freedom that I’ve never really experienced, then I would be the first in my family to do so. I would have no one to help or guide me, I would be totally alone and I wouldn’t have any connection to anything or anyone from Erudite. Dauntless and Erudite don’t not get along, but Erudite does sort of have a superiority thing over them. I guess it’s just that we’re a little more elegant and refined then they are. I know that if I left my family would never approve; I know what they think of the Dauntless. But if faction before blood is to be believed, I guess it doesn’t matter what they think of my choice.

Except that it matters to me. I love them very, very much and I want them to be proud of me. I’m growing up, but in a lot of ways I’m still just a child looking for attention and approval.

UGH! I don’t even want to think about this anymore, it’s kind of giving me a headache. I just wanted things to be normal; I just wanted to know what I was supposed to do and then do it. It wasn’t supposed to be this complicated, I wasn’t supposed to not fit anywhere. Maybe I should just choose Erudite because I know it best, because it would be easy to blend in and pretend like I’m normal and pretend like everything’s fine forever. I could live a long and happy life here; I could achieve the life that my siblings have if I really tried hard enough. Or I could try to live a life apart from everyone and everything and hope that it all works out for me. I could take a chance and hope that I don’t crash and burn. It might be good for me, it might even be great.

I spend the rest of me evening reading and eating. I only fall asleep because I don’t have anything better to do, and I’d like to delay the next morning as long as I can.

“Mimette,” someone’s voice breaks through my dream. “Mimette, Sweetheart, wake up. Everyone’s waiting downstairs.”

I open my eyes and blink a few times before rolling over. My mother is standing over me, looking like she either just came from work or is just about to leave.

“Come on, the others are downstairs.” She turns, beckoning for me to follow.

Confused, I sit up and after a moment of trying to wake up I stand up and follow my mother downstairs. Before I leave I take a quick glance at my clock, it’s only a little past three in the morning.

I plod downstairs after my mother, squinting in the bright light but my eyes pop open at what I find waiting for me in the living room.

“Surprise,” Melanie says, grinning.

“Wh-what-” I yawn. “What are you all doing here?”

“We felt bad about missing dinner,” my mother says. “So we figured we’d make it up to you the moment all of us could.”

They all look exhausted, all except Maureen having just come off of what was most likely a twenty-one-hour day with only tiny moments of reprieve and here they all are like they’re not all totally wiped. They all came; Gwendolyn and Melanie are sharing the love seat on the far side of the living room, Michael is sitting on the arm of Maureen’s chair, and Jeanine sits on the couch. My mother joins her there. In the kitchen, my dad is pouring mugs of coffee, still in his pajamas with sleep in his eyes and his hair curling up at weird angles.

“I can’t believe you all did this,” I say, tired but thrilled with a genuine smile tugging at my lips.

“Anything for our little sister,” Michael says, smiling at me.

I kneel on the floor in front of the coffee table and my dad sets a mug in front of me on a coaster before moving to the couch and curling up next to my mother, who puts her arm around his shoulders.

“So, Mimi,” Jeanine says, she’s the only one that calls me that. Everyone else just calls me Mim or Mimette. She’s had that nickname for me ever since I was a kid. “Do you think you’ve come to a decision?”

I look up from my coffee at her, and then at everyone else. They all stare at me sort of expectantly and I know the answer they all want, the answer that I want to give them.

“Yeah,” I lie. “Of course I do. Wasn’t exactly that hard of a choice.”

I wish that that were true; I wish it were true more than they could ever know. I know exactly what sort of person they want me to be and I wish with all my heart that I could give that to them. I wish that I could just definitively say that I’m Erudite, that I am their perfect daughter, their perfect sister, that I’m someone they can really be proud of.

“And that choice would be?” Michael says.

“Erudite, obviously.” The lie almost physically pains me, it makes my chest contract in a weird way as guilt and fear twist together inside of me. It kind of sounds right; I can just get up tomorrow and get ready and then choose Erudite and come right back to the faction I’ve always known. No one would ever have to know that there was something different about me. Or I could leave, and they would all know that I lied to them.

But the way that they all smile almost makes it all worth it, and it makes me want to stay. I love my family, and I wouldn’t trade them for anything in the world. Not even my own adventure.

Right?

We talk for a while, a small lively little gathering in the dead of night. I’ve heard of the image that some of my family members project, I’ve even seen it sometimes. But when they’re home, it’s hard to ever think of them like that. It’s difficult to ever see Gwendolyn as cold and silent, always watching and always scowling when she has the loudest laugh among us and one of the softest, most genuine smiles I’ve ever seen. She looks gentle and kind, and it’s a wonder how people don’t see it. Michael likes to present a similar persona; all apathy, and rolling eyes, and icy professionalism; but he laughs like Gwendolyn, and banters easily with Melanie, and looks at Maureen with so much affection and adoration. My family is so warm, and kind, and full of life and I don’t want to leave them. I want to be the person they want me to be; I want to make them proud.

I don’t even remember falling back asleep. What I do remember is my mother guiding me upstairs and putting me back to bed. She pressed a kiss to my forehead and then left me to my rest.

[emospritelet]

Empty Corridors - Chapter 31

Thankfully my muse has returned after pretty much a three-week vacation due to the flu.  Last time, Lacey told her father she was moving in with Gold and had been accepted to college, and he was basically a terrible, awful person and made her cry :(

AO3 link

Lacey managed to make it home before she broke down completely, curled on the couch as her body was wracked with sobs, her throat hurting, her eyes stinging with the salt of her tears.  She wasn’t certain what it was that had upset her so.  Perhaps the knowledge that he didn’t love her, didn’t even care for her.  Perhaps the sense that she now had no relatives that she could reach out to.  She knew that part of it was anger, for his refusal to recognise how much she had learned and grown in the past six months, but mostly she was grieving for the loss of another parent, for she knew that he would be out of her life from that moment on, as if he had died.  As if she were truly an orphan.

When she finally stopped, she felt drained of energy and desperately sad.  The kittens seemed to sense that she was upset, each of them snuggling close or patting her with soft paws, purring loudly.  She buried her nose in their fur, squeezing the last of the tears from her eyes.

“Gotta stop this crap,” she said, her voice muffled.  “I’m guessing he never once shed a tear for me, huh?”

Severus rubbed his head against her cheek, and she scratched his ears.

“Enough,” she said, with a sigh.  “We have to get everything ready to move to your dad’s place, okay?”

She petted the kittens for a little longer, until they fell asleep, and then pushed herself up on unsteady legs and went to wash her face and check that everything was packed.  The apartment seemed strange with its shelves bare of her things, but she supposed she would feel at home in Gold’s house before long.  The kittens would like exploring the gardens, certainly, and she smiled briefly at the thought of one of them bringing in something they shouldn’t.  Hopefully the bird population wouldn’t suffer.

There was still a little time before Gold was due to collect her, and so she decided to start taking boxes downstairs to make it easier to carry them out to his car.  He would be redecorating and then letting the apartment once she was out, and the thought of someone else being in the place she had called home for five years was odd.  The apartment had been special to her: she had proven at the age of seventeen that she could care for herself and hold down a job and keep a roof over her head.  Looking back, she wondered why she had been down on herself for so long.  There were plenty of people twice her age who couldn’t say the same.  She thought she would miss the apartment, with its snug bedroom and tiny kitchen and its memories of drunken nights with Ruby for company.  She wasn’t sorry to be leaving, though.  Not considering where she was going.

Gold arrived promptly at seven, and Lacey tried to return his smile as best she could when she opened the door.  He frowned at her expression.

“You’ve been crying,” he observed, and she pulled a face.

“Yeah,” she said, her voice barely audible.  “Doesn’t matter.  Let’s start taking this stuff out to the car.”

She moved to pass him, but he stopped her with a finger beneath her chin, lifting her head a little, his touch gentle.

“What’s wrong?”

“I have a total arsehole for a father,” she said bitterly.  “Not that that’s something I didn’t already know.”

He watched her steadily, and she sighed.

“He says I’m a disgrace,” she said, her voice dull.  “Even after I told him about college.  He says I’m a drunken tramp and he can hardly bear to look at me.”

Gold caressed her cheek, his eyes soft, and she leaned into his touch.

“Oh, Lacey, I’m sorry,” he whispered, and she shrugged, feeling the tears prick her eyes again.

“I’ll be okay,” she said.  “Made me realise that there’s nothing there to fight for anymore.  Sometimes you just have to cut ties with the toxic people in your life, right?”

He nodded, and pulled her into a hug.  His scent was comforting, his body warm and firm, and she let herself relax into him, feeling some of the sadness leave her.

“Sometimes that’s best,” he agreed.  “Is that what you want to do?”

Lacey shrugged a little.

“Well, he only makes me miserable,” she said.  “Nothing I do will ever be good enough, and honestly I’m tired of being the one who tries to keep a relationship going with him when he bloody hates me.  I don’t think that’s how family’s supposed to be.”

“No,” said Gold quietly.  “I don’t suppose it is.”

He kissed the top of her head, and she looked up at him.

“Maybe it’s best that I’ll be spending more time in Boston soon,” she added.  “Otherwise I’ll just have to ignore him whenever I see him, and that’s - ugh, that’s just gonna make me feel like crap on a daily basis.”

Gold’s mouth thinned a little, and Lacey suspected that the next time Moe French was late with his rent, there would be consequences.

“As you say,” he said.  “Sometimes it’s best to just cut toxic people out.”

Gold found that having Lacey in his house was every bit as wonderful as he had anticipated.  Having lived alone for so long, coming home to someone who loved him made him ridiculously happy, and he was certain that he spent most of the first few weeks with a stupid grin on his face.  They took it in turns to make breakfast; she could now cook eggs and bacon without burning anything, and was talking about learning how to make pancakes and French toast.  He was usually awake before her, though, and he had to admit that he enjoyed bringing her breakfast in bed.  Especially when it led to other things.

The kittens had settled in well; they had already considered his house to be theirs anyway, in his opinion, but it was admittedly nice to have one of them curled on his lap in the evening when he and Lacey sat on the couch to read and talk.  He bought them a larger basket, as they were growing fast, but they spent as much time sleeping on his and Lacey’s bed as they did in the kitchen.  He didn’t care in the least.

Lacey had been a little subdued for the first few days, and Gold knew it was because of her father.  His anger had raged and burned, his desire to thrash Moe within an inch of his life almost too much to contain.  He had tamped it down, though, the flaring heat of his fury shrinking to glowing embers, and then becoming something cold and calculating.

It was two weeks later that he had the chance to do something about it.

Lacey had informed him that she would be cooking a casserole that evening, a recipe that Granny had given her and that she thought she could handle.  She had left the shop at four to make a start on it, and he had taken the opportunity to deliver a letter that had given him a great deal of pleasure to write.  He had dropped it on the counter of the flower shop when Moe was serving another customer, briefly locking eyes with the man before smirking and sauntering out.  It was only a matter of time before he would get a reaction.

Gold waited, fingers drumming slowly on the counter in time with the clock’s low, rhythmic ticking.  Eventually the door to the shop burst open with a frantic tinkling of the bell, and Moe French stormed up to the desk with the letter in his hand, his eyes almost popping with fury and a large vein standing out on his forehead.  With any luck the man would have a heart attack.  Gold sent him a thin smile.

“Ah,” he said pleasantly.  “Mr French.  I’ve been expecting you.”

“What the bloody hell is this?” demanded Moe, waving the letter at him.  Gold showed his teeth.

“Are you having difficulty reading?” he asked.  “It’s your eviction notice.”

“You can’t evict me!”

“I think you’ll find I can.”

“I’ve put my entire life into that shop!” protested Moe.

“A fact that is unfortunately not evidenced by the payment of rent,” said Gold dispassionately.  “You’re late.  For the fourth time in as many months.  I have to cut my losses at some point.  If you return home, you’ll find a similar notice in respect of the house I rent to you.”

“I can get you the rent!”

“Then why haven’t you, pray tell?” drawled Gold.  “Despite my previous warnings you have failed to see fit to hold up your end of our agreement.  On multiple occasions, I might add.”

“Business is patchy after Christmas, you know that!” snapped Moe.

“It’s now March,” said Gold coldly.  “And didn’t you assure me that your fortunes would change with the Valentine’s Day turnover?  It appears I was misled into being unduly generous.  I promised myself I wouldn’t make the same mistake again, and you know how I like to keep my word.”

“You can’t do this to me!” blustered Moe.  “You’ve got no right!”

“I have every right!” snarled Gold, the words hissing out through his teeth.  “And not only is it my right, Mr French, it is my absolute pleasure!  If you had any sense you’d leave this town where you’re clearly deeply unhappy and make a fresh start elsewhere.”

“With what?” demanded Moe.  “You’ve left me with nothing!”

“Well, perhaps if you didn’t piss all your profits up the wall every weekend, it wouldn’t be an issue,” snapped Gold.  “I’m not a fucking charity!”

“No, you’re not,” said Moe, scowling.  “You’re a bloody bastard!”

Gold gave him a smile that didn’t reach his eyes, and walked out from behind the counter, his cane tapping on the floor.

“You’ve been given the period of notice to quit the premises as agreed under the contract that you signed and to which you failed to adhere,” he said quietly.  “I expect you gone by the date in said notice.”

Moe sent him a smile, which was more of an ugly grimace.

“This is about that daughter of mine, isn’t it?” he sneered.  “I might have known.  What, she needs you to fight her battles, does she?”

“I’m not aware that the two of you are at war,” said Gold, in a cold voice.  “Miss French informs me that she no longer wishes to maintain a relationship with you.  I think that considering your appalling behaviour, this is in her best interests.”

“And you’ll put me on the street to make sure of it, right?”  Moe curled his lip.  “You’re a snake, you know that?”

“I’ll put you on the street because you owe me money, Mr French, it’s as simple as that,” said Gold, sounding bored.  “Now get out of my shop.  This conversation is over.”

“It’s over when I say so!”

Moe swung a punch at him, and Gold ducked out of the way, feeling a whoosh of air as a fist narrowly missed his nose.  He raised the cane immediately, throwing it up into the air and catching it near the bottom before swinging it around to catch Moe in the ribs.  Already off-balance from his wildly-thrown punch, Moe stumbled to the ground with a yell of pain, and Gold struck him again.  Rage surged within him; bottled up for too long, it had seethed and fermented and now exploded outwards.

“Who the fuck do you think you’re dealing with?” he said through his teeth.  “You think you can screw me over and attack me without consequence?”

He whacked Moe again, relishing the hoarse cry of pain, and Moe held up pleading hands.

“Gold!  Please!”

Gold pressed the handle of the cane against his throat, making him choke, and leaned down, his nostrils flaring.

“Shut.  The fuck.  Up!” he breathed.  “I want you gone as soon as you can pack your filthy belongings and get out of my property, do you understand me?”

He was staring into Moe’s eyes, enjoying the pain and terror in them.  The tinkle of the shop’s bell barely registered.

“Hey, what the hell are you doing?”

“Mind your own business!” snarled Gold, glancing around.  His heart gave a lurch as he saw who it was.  A dark-haired man in his late twenties, familiar brown eyes flicking from his face to Moe and back again.  Gold straightened up, grounding the cane.

“Bae!” he whispered, and his son’s mouth flattened.

“It’s Neal,” he said coldly.  “Neal Cassidy.”

“You - you changed your name?”

Well, that hurt.  He supposed he should have expected it, but it still hurt.

“Wanted a clean slate,” said Neal, folding his arms.  “Worked, too, until I had a visit from your girlfriend.”

“Lacey came to see you?”

Gold was stunned.  Why hadn’t she told him?

“Yeah,” said Neal flatly.  “Turned up singing your praises, talking about how you’d changed her life.  That you were a good person, that all you wanted was to be a good father.  I should have known it was bullshit.  I should have known you were still a bastard.”

“Got that right,” said Moe, from the floor, and Gold glared at him.

“Shut the fuck up!” he snapped.  “Get the hell out of here and start fucking packing!”

Moe got to his feet, holding his left side a little gingerly, and shot Gold a venomous look before turning his attention to Neal.

“Take my advice and stay away from him,” he said.  “The man’s a bloody beast!”

“Don’t make me repeat myself,” growled Gold, and Moe curled his lip, limping out.  The door closed behind him, the cheerful tinkle of the bell very loud in the close, ominous silence that had fallen between him and his son.

“So,” said Neal.  “Using violence to get what you want, huh?  Nice.”

“He broke the heart of someone I love!” hissed Gold.  “He’s been trying to break her spirit for years!  That’s when he wasn’t beating her with anything that came to hand, of course.”

“Oh,” said Neal uncomfortably, running his hand through his hair.  “That was - that was Lacey’s dad?”

Gold nodded.  “Told you about him, did she?”

“Yeah.”  Neal shifted his feet, looking awkward.  “Still, I don’t think…”

“He tried to sell me her virginity when she was barely sixteen,” Gold went on, “and then took it out on her when I turned him down!  He is a sad drunk and a vile, pitiful excuse for a father!”

“So you thought you’d beat him up?” said Neal, in a flat voice.

“He threw a punch at me!”  Gold raised his eyes to the ceiling with a heavy sigh before looking at him.  “Look - forget about the tragedy that is Moe French.  I’m just - I’m thrilled that you came to see me.  Can’t we - can’t we just talk?”

“I don’t know.”  Neal ran a hand through his hair again.  “Maybe this was a mistake.”

He took a step back, heading for the door, and desperation made Gold reach out, try to grab his arm.

“No, please!” he said quickly.  “Please don’t leave!  Give me a chance to make it right!”

“How can you make it right?” demanded Neal, stepping back further.  “You can’t make it right!  You can’t just - just erase what happened!”

“I didn’t mean that.”  Gold settled back on his heels, clutching the handle of his cane.  “I just meant - I just want us to get to know one another again, Bae.”

“It’s Neal!”

The name was delivered with a shout, and a flash of dark eyes.  Gold swallowed hard.

“I’m sorry,” he said.  “Neal.”

There was silence for a moment, and Neal shook his head.

“I wasn’t even gonna come here,” he said.  “I thought - I thought maybe just shutting you out was better.  Cleaner.  But then Lacey turned up and told me some stuff, and I got to thinking that maybe Mom hadn’t been straight with me about you.  That maybe she’d lied.”

“What did she tell you?” asked Gold, anger still making his chest heave.

“That you never wanted me,” said Neal, looking uncomfortable.  “That you left because of it.  Never heard anything from you until that time you turned up when I was sixteen, so I figured it was true.”

Gold blinked.

“But - but I wrote!” he protested.  “I wrote to you every week!  I - I sent presents and money, whatever I could!  Are you telling me you got none of that?”

“Not a damn thing,” he said flatly.  “All I knew was you left.  Of course, later on I found out you were in jail.  Not sure which was crappier, to be honest.”

Gold shook his head, his heart aching.  All these years his son had thought he didn’t care.  He wondered what other lies Milah had told him.  Rage swelled in his chest again, and he tried to calm himself.

“I’m sorry, son,” he whispered.  “I don’t expect you to forgive me for not being there for you, but can we at least try to build something going forward?”

“Maybe,” said Neal, after a pause.  “I don’t know.  I’m not promising anything, okay?  I have Henry to think about now.”

Gold looked up at that.

“Henry?”

“My son.  Mine and Emma’s.”

Gold’s mouth twitched in a smile.

“I have a grandson?”

“Yeah.”

His smile grew, but he sensed that Neal was still cautious, and while he wanted to ask a hundred questions about Henry, he decided that taking things slow was probably wisest.

“Look, why don’t you come to dinner?” he said.  “Nothing fancy, just the three of us.  Lacey’s cooking tonight.”

Neal eyed him warily, but then gave him a cautious nod.

“Okay,” he said.  “We’ll have dinner.”

Neal was silent as they made the brief journey to the house, and Gold tried to think of something to talk about with him.

“How long will you stay?” he asked.

“I’ll go back tomorrow,” said Neal.  “Can’t leave Emma on her own with Henry for too long.”

“Of course.”  Gold turned into his street.  “Do you - do you want to stay with us?”

“I’ll stay at that inn in town,” said Neal.  “Granny’s, or something?”

“Yes.”  Gold hesitated.  “You know, I have plenty of room…”

“One step at a time, okay?”

“Right.”

He pulled onto the driveway, and Neal looked over the house.

“It’s pink,” he said.

“Yes, I’m rather fond of it.”  Gold shot him a brief smile.  “Shall we?  I’m sure Lacey will be pleased to see you.”

“You - uh - you guys live together?” asked Neal.

“Only for the past couple of weeks.”  Gold got out, using the cane to steady himself.  “It’s - it’s going well.  We’re getting along very nicely.”

“Well, she seems like a good person,” said Neal, and Gold smiled.

“She is,” he said.  “I’m very lucky.”

A savoury smell wafted out to greet them as Gold opened the front door to let them into the house.

“Oh good, you’re back!”  Lacey came through, wiping her hands on a dishtowel.  “I was just about to—”

She cut off as she spied Neal, her mouth falling open a little before she snapped it shut.

“As you can see, my son has paid us a visit,” said Gold.  “You wouldn’t happen to know anything about that, would you?”

Lacey shifted uneasily.

“I - may have made a note of his address and kind of visited him when I went to New York,” she admitted.

“And you were planning on telling me this when, exactly?” he asked, in a very dry voice.  Lacey bit her lip.

“I didn’t think he’d come,” she said.  “Didn’t want to get your hopes up.”

Gold met her eyes, and a faint blush rose in her cheeks.

“We’ll discuss this later,” he said evenly.

“Sounds promising.”

She wound her arms around his neck, smirking, and Gold rolled his eyes.

“Hey Lacey,” said Neal, and she turned to him with a grin.

“Hey Neal.  Good to see you again.  Are you staying for dinner?”

“If that’s okay?”

“Of course!”  She beamed at him, and turned back to Gold, her eyes gleaming.  “I made chicken casserole and didn’t burn it!”

“That’s - excellent news,” he said, with a tiny grin.  “Why don’t I get us all a drink before we taste this magnificent creation?”

She kissed him before spinning away, and he watched her with that grin still on his face as she bounced off to the kitchen.  When he looked around he saw that Neal was eyeing him curiously.  He wondered what was going through his son's mind.

"Right," he said, shrugging off his coat.  "A drink.  I suspect that Lacey and I will be having wine.  What would you prefer?"

"I'll have some wine, I guess," said Neal, taking off his own coat.  He had begun looking around at the pictures and trinkets in the hall, and Gold gestured towards the lounge.

"Have a seat," he said.  "Oh, you might want to check for kittens first.  They've taken to hiding under the cushions.  I sat on Severus last week, and he wasn't too pleased."

"You have - kittens?"

Neal was looking at him as though he couldn't quite believe what he was hearing, and Gold wondered what the hell Milah had told him about his father's personality.  Blatant lies, by the looks of things.  He decided not to ask about it at this first, fragile meeting.

"We have three," he said.  "Let me introduce you to the family."

Neal ran a hand through his hair, but nodded, and Gold led him through to the lounge.  His son was right.  One step at a time.

[porthavenhq]

Welcome to Porthaven, Rika! We can’t wait to meet Elsa Àrnadalr!

Please look over the acceptance checklist and submit your blog within the next 24 hours. If there is a problem or a prior obligation and you need more time than provided, just message the main and we will gladly extend!

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　OUT OF CHARACTER　 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

Name: Rika Pronouns: she/her Age: 20 Timezone: EST Activity Level: Probably around a 5. I’d love to be more active, but between online classes, an internship, and admin duties I think giving myself a 5 for rping activity sounds reasonable.  Triggers: None Anything Else: This rp is my baby and I really hope everyone loves it just as much as me!

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　CHARACTER INFORMATION　 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

Name: Elsa Àrnadalr Age: December 21, 1998 Gender: Cis Female FC: Milena Tscharntke

Character Biography

Elsa Àrnadalr was born on a winter solstice during the worst blizzard Norway had seen in decades. No one seemed to think much of it at the time, but it certainly was a sign that the baby would grow up to be anything but ordinary. For how could such a sweet little girl have anything in common with the storm that raged just outside her window? It didn’t take long before Elsa began exhibiting magic. They were just little things - a lack of reaction to the cold or a few snowflakes billowing around her room - but as she grew older those little “quirks” grew stronger as well. Her parents found themselves at a complete loss as to how Elsa had magic running through her veins. It was decided that as long as only the family and a few trusted friends knew about her powers it would be okay for Elsa to use them. Just as long as the public never found out there was a Mage in the Àrnadalr family. Iduna and Agnarr weren’t anti-Mystique by any means, but wanted to protect their eldest daughter from any kind of discrimination or bullying. Who knew what kind of nasty rumors and gossip would emerge if the public found out.

The young girl never really minded having to hide her powers from other people. It wasn’t like it was difficult to keep from conjuring up a snowstorm at the drop of a hat, and she knew the reasons she had to keep it a secret were valid concerns. Even as a child she never wanted to do anything that could bring criticism upon her family or tarnish their reputation. Besides, those closest to her were the only people she truly cared about showing her powers off to anyway. She and her younger sister would sneak around the manor at night leaving ornate ice patterns and snowmen in their wake. 

It was all good fun, until one night everything went wrong.

The two girls hadn’t given a thought to whether what they were doing was ever dangerous or not. They were still just children and fear was a concept they were yet to learn. Anna had been jumping between snow piles, each one growing in size as she leapt higher and higher. It wasn’t long until Anna became too quick for her sister’s magic. She didn’t notice Elsa struggling to keep up - nor did she see the elder girl slip. In a moment she will never forget, Elsa shot her hand out in desperation to keep her sister from falling. But she missed. Her powers took aim at Anna’s head and the little girl fell to a heap on the floor. Everything after that felt like a dream. Like she was watching everything unfold from outside her body. She cried for her parents. No Mundane doctor could mend a wound inflicted by magic. They rushed Anna to a community of Mystique healers deep within the forests along their city’s borders. Her sister was healed, but at the price of every single memory she had of Elsa’s powers. The countless nights they had spent building snowmen and skating around the parlor - all altered to remove any trace of magic. Elsa was given a warning as well. Her powers would continue to grow, and while there was beauty in it there also was great danger. If she couldn’t learn to control it she would become a threat to anyone around her - including herself.

She still hasn’t forgiven herself for what happened that fateful night.

The years after that were spent in relative isolation. As her powers grew in strength Elsa found it more and more difficult to keep them under control. Agnarr had enchanted gloves made for his daughter in secret that would contain her magic. Private tutors were hired when she could no longer leave the manor. She kept herself distanced from Anna whenever she could, terrified that she might hurt her sister again. They knew when Anna got older she would push back against the seemingly absurd isolation, so they sent Elsa away to a small, private boarding school once it was clear that the gloves worked. There were a few incidents at the school, but none that anyone could blame the oldest Àrnadalr girl for. Every summer and winter break she would return home and lock herself away in her room. With time, Elsa learned how to maintain a semblance of control over the magic. 

Conceal it, don’t feel it, don’t let it show.

Agnarr and Iduna died when Elsa was eighteen. They went missing during a storm over the water on what should have been a routine trip. Neither was ever found and they were presumed dead. Elsa didn’t leave her room for a month that year. She couldn’t.

Arnadalr Industries was inherited by Elsa, but the Board of Trustees voted that she couldn’t fully take over as CEO until she turned twenty-one. She spent the next three years enrolled in a fast-paced online degree program, staying almost entirely out of the public eye. All sorts of rumors began circulating as to why the heiress to the most prominent company in Norway was barely more than a shadow behind the Board. Where was she? Would she really take over once she came of age? On the day after her twenty-first birthday she emerged. The new CEO announced that not only was she taking back full control of the company, but she would also be expanding internationally. Arnadalr Industries’ first expansion is to Porthaven, Maine. Their American headquarters just finished construction and Elsa has moved to Porthaven to make sure everything runs smoothly.

Coming to Porthaven for the expansion was meant to put distance between herself and Anna. Losing her parents was hard enough, she didn’t know what she would do if something happened to Anna that was her fault. Unfortunately, Anna secretly applied to Emrys University and followed her older sister to the city. On top of that, she’s coming to realize that it is immensely more difficult to manage her company from behind a closed door than expected. All of her carefully thought-out plans are slowly beginning to spiral out of her control. 

And so is she.

Headcanons

Elsa has never put much thought into romance or her own sexual preferences. Intimacy of any kind has never been an option for her. While she was away at boarding school she began developing an inkling of attraction towards women, but has refused to ever act upon it or let it take up her thoughts. It’s far too much of a risk to let herself become romantically interested in anyone regardless of their gender.

Has an intense sweet tooth, but tries not to indulge in desserts very often. She’s always been a sucker for a box of chocolates though. Often has sweets delivered to her sister as a way of trying to spoil the younger girl since she can’t do much in-person.

It became obvious when she turned 18 that her father’s company was full of men who would gladly stab her in the back to get what they wanted. She isn’t sure yet what direction she wants to take the company in, but she knows that greedy, manipulative business partners and directors aren’t part of that future. She made significant cuts in staff before she left and is looking for bright new innovators to join her at the top. The only upper level staff left at the Norweigian branch are people who were close to her parents who she knows she can trust. 

Inspiration

Pinterest

[petstutorial]

Fromm Adult Gold Dog Food Reviews Large breed dogs are those that weigh 50 pounds and above. The dog’s adult life is also the time when they are at their prime. The digs are very active in their proem years and they need much energy in order to cope with their activities. One way of doing this is by feeding them with highly nutritious diets that will not interfere with their heath and digestive system. High protein recipes are the best options for dogs in their prime years. The recipe you choose for your adult dog should have a balance of proteins, essential vitamins, fats, minerals and if necessary carbohydrates. One of the best recipes for adult dogs in the market today is Fromm Adult Gold Large Breed Formula. See als0: [su_note note_color="#eff9de"] Fromm Grain Free Dog Food Reviews Nutro Ultra Adult Dry Dog Food Review [/su_note] Fromm Gold  Adult Formula Dry Dog Food Summary [su_button url="https://amzn.to/35eUKiT" target="blank" style="default" background=" #fe8d2e" color="#ffffff" size="5" center="yes" radius="square" icon="icon: thumbs-up" rel="nofollow"]CHECK LAST PRICE[/su_button] Pros Wholesome recipe with balanced and nutritious ingredients A product of family based firm Fromm gold from Wisconsin USA Meant for adult dogs weighing 50 pounds and above Contains probiotics and prebiotics that support the digestive system Contains no wheat, soy or corn Have no added preservatives, colors or flavors All ingredients are natural Contains omega fatty acids USDA and AAFCO approved Comes with added cartilage that helps to support health of the joints Helps with weight loss management Helps to keep the dog’s skin and coat healthy ad shiny Made with real Wisconsin cheese Main ingredients include chicken, lamb, Wisconsin duck and fish among others Holistic food recipe Cons Expensive compared to other brands of adult dry dog foods Fromm Adult Gold Large Breed Formula Review [amazon box="B001C4PK4Y" grid="1"] Adult dogs definitely need food that will keep it growing stringer and healthier. Adult dogs like puppies are active and in order to replenish the energy they use to play and move around the food they take should have enough energy levels. This product from Fromm gold, a family based company in Wisconsin, is one of the most nutritious recipes for adult dogs. The firm believes in giving only holistic all natural ingredients to pets. The recipe contains a balanced blend of proteins, vitamins, minerals and a few carbs. It also contains omega fatty acids that help to keep the dogs coat healthy and shiny throughout. The diet helps to strengthen the digs muscles and hep in weight management. For healthy and proper digestive system, the recipe contains prebiotics and probiotics that ensure that the dog does not get bloated or suffer any side effects after taking the recipe. The meal is especially good for dogs with sensitive stomachs and those that suffer from allergies. It is also a great recipe for dogs transitioning into a new diet. Ingredients Chicken is the first main ingredient in this recipe. The chicken in the recipe is 73% water and it loses its moisture after cooking thus reducing the weight. This leads to the recipe having a small quality of chicken. However small, it is of the greatest quality. The second most important ingredient in the recipe is chicken meal. The meal concentrate contains more of the protein in the recipe than the actual chicken. Chicken broth, the third ingredient offers minimal nutritional value but it helps to add flavor and moisture to the food. Oat groats, a whole grain is the fourth ingredient. The grain contains a gluten free high calorie content with average nutritional values. Other ingredients in the recipe include barley, which helps to provide the body with the much-needed fiber. Other notable ingredients are brown rice, chicken fat, menhaden fishmeal, tomato pomace, flaxseed, salmon oil, brewers yeast, alfalfa meal, chicory root, minerals and vitamins. The ingredients give the dog food an above average dry food quality. Nutritional values Protein levels in the food is 28% Fat level is 18% Carbohydrates is an estimated 46% Fat to protein ratio is 58% Customer’s reviews Reviews on the above dry food product are mostly positive with very few complaints. Many of those that reviewed the product said that their dogs performed better health wise after transitioning to this meal without any side effects. One of the complaints was concerning the price which some felt was on the higher side. Other than that, the food got a number of five star ratings from amazon customers. Brad gave the recipe five stars and had this to say;“My Dane and pit-bull love this stuff! They are more active than ever before and their coats became AMAZINGLY soft within the first week of switching to Fromm. Best dry food on the market and I’ve tried a lot.” Duffer also gave the recipe five stars and had this to say; “I am very careful about what I feed max, my Dobie. His predecessor, also a Dobie, died after eating poisonous food from china. Everything I have been able to find out about the Fromm brand is that it is in the USA. It is comfort to know that you are not feeding your dog a harmful product. Yes it is pricey but so is my best furry friend max.” Sts in New England gave the recipe five stars and had this to add: “Folks are always commenting how shiny my black labs coat is. This is all she eats, so this is where I give the credit. She’s very active, very healthy and loves her Fromms” Sarah another satisfied customer said: “This food arrives so fast every time I order it that I am starting to get spoiled and lazy with how late I wait! They are awesome. Fromm is one of the best dog food out there, it is increasingly hard to find retail, and so I am glad I can get it delivered straight to my door so easily and for the same price as going out to the store. If the price goes up, I will go back and purchase it at retailer, but until then, they can count on me every month!!” Another five star rating came from Lashaine Frazier who said: “Our pit unfortunately has skin allergies. We switched and saw a significant difference. She likes it very much.” [su_button url="https://amzn.to/35eUKiT" target="blank" style="default" background=" #fe8d2e" color="#ffffff" size="5" center="yes" radius="square" icon="icon: thumbs-up" rel="nofollow"]CHECK LAST PRICE[/su_button] Verdict If the above reviews do not convince you that this recipe is the right one for your adult dog, I do not know what else will. The price is high yes, but that is only because the ingredients that goes into making the recipe are all natural and of very high quality. Personally, I would buy this recipe any time and I highly recommend it. Wrapping it up You can never go wrong with Fromm gold food products. The meals are grain free and they have a good balance of proteins and other ingredients. They are the best to use if you want a happy healthy dog around you. The best thing about Fromm gold is that you have a special recipe for all your dog’s stages off growth. For more on dry dog food and GRAIN FREE recipes, read our earlier articles. In addition, if you have any questions to ask or anything to add to what is in this article, feel free to reach out to us through the comment box and we will respond. You can also share this article with a friend or relative that is searching for the best dry food for adult dogs. Best Selling Dry Food For Adult Dogs On Amazon: [amazon bestseller="best dry food for adult dogs"] This post has appeared for the first time in https://petstutorial.com/fromm-adult-gold-dog-food/?feed_id=154&_unique_id=5e2e206d2e308 #pets_tuttorial #jane_brody #pet_blog #pet_training #pet_products_reviews #best_dog_products #best_cat_products

[elletromil]

elle’s self rec list

So I figured out that with the billions of fic I have written for Kingsman I would do a little list of those that are dear to me and I think you should all read. (I could legit put everything on this list, but 138 completed fics is a bit much even for me)

Of Flowers, Thunderstorm and Tranquility - M, Hartwin, AU

The fresh snow crinkles satisfyingly under his feet as Harry slowly makes his rounds of his part of the Forest. He is seconds away from humming when a whimpering sound from a bush nearby gives him pause.

Harry carefully makes his way towards the sound, on his guard. He gasps in surprise when he parts the foliage. He doesn’t know what he expected, but one thing is certain, it wasn’t the unconscious Summer Child curled up around himself.

This is quite frankly the one I think of as my masterpiece. (though that will probably change when Red and I post the bang). It took me over a year to complete, but oh boy am I proud of the result.

I'm not calling you a ghost - G, Hartwin

He closes his eyes for a few seconds, before opening them again. Hun. Still there. He must be on the really good drugs.

In the chair besides his bed, Harry Hart is sitting reading what must be a report, a little frown that only accentuates the scar on the left side of his forehead.

Definitely my most popular fic. Way back in the beginning, before we knew we would get a sequel, when everyone was sure Harry Hart was dead for real and not coming back.

Before getting 101 dogs, you need at least 2 - G, Hartwin, 101 dalmatians au

JB loves his human, but he's getting rather fed up with how Eggsy won't even look at the nice gentleman he's clearly interested in they keep seeing in the park.

He's going to take the matters into his own paws.

Short and sweet and I am still amazed at how much people liked it :D

Merlin, dogsitter extraordinaire - G, Merlin-centric, background Hartwin and Percilot

All through his childhood, he has had dogs and he’s always enjoyed their company and unconditional love. Then he had left for college where he just hadn’t had enough space to keep one and after being recruited into Kingsman he had just been too busy to even think about welcoming one puppy into his life and training him or her accordingly.

You like Merlin? You like dogs? You like ocs? This one got it all

I’ve seen the way you look at me when you think I don’t notice - G, Hartwin

“What I don’t understand is why you thought it was necessary to make a montage of every time Galahad appears in someone else’s feed though.”

“No, what you watched is every time an agent looked at Galahad’s when the boy was looking at you.”

I wrote this based on a prompt I got, but damn I still adore the way I chose to write this.

A Boxful of Kittens - G, Merhartwin

While he's taking a walk around the manor, after coming back from dealing with Valentine, Merlin finds four kittens and their mother.

After what he just lived through, he cannot bear living them outside to fend for themselves.

Kittens and out three favourite men... What more do you want?

Only a fool would deny love - G, Hartwin

A princess' kiss might have been Eggsy's highlight of that horrific day. Because seriously who can honestly say they’ve never dreamt about kissing a princess (or a prince, because Eggsy is many thing, but picky isn’t one of those)? Until he got back on the plane and finds out Harry's back from the dead.

The first long fic I started writing in the fandom. I really love it even if it shows that this has been written 2 years ago and I have definitely improved since then

Messenger of War - T, Hartwin, AU

He shivers at the brief contact of a hand on his shoulder and he forces the ripple of familiarity back down, but something in Harry’s eyes before he turns back and leaves hints that he is not the only one feeling it.

I am still stupidly proud of this fic okay and I’ll forever will be.

Kisses Like a Thousand Snowflakes - G, Hartwin, Roxlin, Percilot

“I wanted to know… What’s Kingsman’s stance on Christmas’ decorations?” It’s hard not answering to Eggsy’s enthusiasm with a grin of his own and he doesn’t really try. “Well since the Angels Incident of ‘97, the Garlands Debacle of ‘02 and the Reindeers Nightmare of ‘09, the late Arthur had put a ban on all the stuff and confiscate it all.”

This Christmas, mistletoe is everywhere and nobody is safe.

Okay this is a christmas fic, but who cares? It’s also the ultimate fix-it where everyone is alive and nobody’s dead.

Baked Love - G, Hartwin, AU

There were no other customers, but he didn’t think he was wrong in assuming it had more to do with the hour, after lunch but before the afternoon rush, and the awful weather, than anything wrong with the shop. For one thing, the interior was decorated really simply, but with enough nice touches to make it feel cozy. For another, the smell permeating the air, a mix of baked goods and coffee, was quite mouth-watering. The gorgeous young man walking out of the backroom with a polite but genuine smile wasn’t a slight against the shop either.

Or in which Harry is really a tailor and Eggsy works in a bakery shop.

Food and pining is a think one of the best combination in the world.

A Summer's Day - G, Pre-Hartwin

Harry doesn’t sigh when he notices the empty bench in the familiar corner of the park. He had not gone on a walk with the intention to come here, but since Mr. Pickle has died a month ago, his feet continuously lead him to what had been their usual spot to waste a lazy afternoon away.

In which Harry recites poetry to a pug in a park.

Because meet-cutes are the best

Kingsman's Nursery - G, Gen, AU

It is by sheer luck that James witnesses Princess Tilde’s kidnapping.

He’s only walking in the area, minding his own business, when he notices the infamous criminal mastermind Valentine and his deadly bodyguard Gazelle forcing the princess into a car.

In which they are all children except for Chester and Valentine, but they're all spies too (or princesses).

That one was just too fun to write and I think more people should read it

Room for Three (Not Only You and Me) - G, Merhartwin

The first time it happens Merlin honestly doesn’t know. Though, in Merlin’s defense there is nothing indicating that this is any different than usual.

Wherein Merlin date-crashes Harry and Eggsy's dates without realising it at first. Except, when Merlin tries to give them some space, they don't seem to be happy about it.

This one will always have a special place in my heart because this is the one that made me meet Red. Also writing about oblivious Merlin was very fun xD

Stay (A)head of the Case - G, Roxlin, Pre-Hartwin, Sleepy Hollow AU

In the relative comfort of the carriage bringing him to Sleepy Hollow, Merlin scoffs as he revises the facts that are known about the case he's being sent to investigate.

There are already three victims, the Heskeths, father and son, as well as a certain widow Winship, and the only suspect is a Headless Horseman? Who could ever believe such rubbish really? Whoever the true perpetrator of those murders is, they must be having a jolly time indeed.

In which Merlin is a constable from New York sent to Sleepy Hollow to investigate a series of murders.

I just love what I did with this AU and seriously there isn’t enough Roxlin in the fandom

Come Sail Away (Into the Light of the Dark Black Night) - G, Hartwin, soulmate AU

Eggsy had always known his soulmate would be older than him.

Or no, that wasn’t entirely right. He might have been hearing his soulmate all his life, but it had been a while before anyone had explained to him what it really meant.

It’s a soulmate au, if you like those do you really need more? :D

Labyrinth of Love - T, Merhartwin, Labyrinth AU

It is not the first time that a mortal catches the fancy of the Goblin King, but it is the first time one catches the eyes of both Kings.

In which Merlin and Harry are co-rulers of the Goblin Kingdom and Eggsy makes what he thinks is an unfortunate wish.

Who doesn’t love the movie Labyrinth? Who doesn’t want to imagine Merlin and Harry as the Goblin Kings?

From your hearts, I make a home - T, Hartwinrox

Since he’s started living on his own, Harry has always done everything so that the house he goes back to feels like a home. Sometime it was all that kept him sane while he dealt with whatever trauma that came with being a Knight.

And sure, nowadays he doesn’t see much field work, but the rituals have stayed and being able to offer that sense of home to not one amazing being but two? It is priceless.

Because domestic fluff and Harry/Roxy/Eggsy is always a must

I Get a Little Bit... - G, Merlahad, Ghenghis Khan AU

Merlin is putting his two children to bed when his phone starts ringing with a too familiar alert. He curses under his breath, thankful that Roxy is already fast asleep and won’t reprimand him on his language.

It’s the Genghis Khan Merlahad au everyone wanted but nobody was writing really.

Love is a fabric which never fades - G, Hartwin, Dragon AU

When Harry started his hoard of clothing, it has come as to no surprise to either him or his parents. After all, he has been drawn to fabrics and texture and colors for as long as he can remember; one of his earliest memory the soft cashmere of his father’s brown sweater and the rough red scales of his mother’s skin.

Harry has been courting Eggsy dragon style for a while now without telling him because he's a self-sacrificing idiot who doesn't believe he can be loved. Luckily for them, Eggsy is no such idiot.

Quite honestly, I am very surprised by how much people seem to enjoy this??? Like sure it’s dragons, but I never would have expected the kind of response I got :O

Fairy Tale Ending - G, Mercival, werewolf AU

If it had been anyone else, if he had been stranded in the woods with, let’s say, Lancelot instead, he would have believed the words to be a very ill-timed joke.

But this was Merlin, Merlin whom he trusts with his life.

And Merlin's a werewolf.

It’s a werewolf au. Need I say more?

Warm and safe, like a home - G, Merwin

It starts simple enough, with Eggsy bringing Merlin a cup of tea.

But before it can become anything more, Harry comes back from the dead and Eggsy realises he never truly had a chance.

Pining and misunderstandings but with a happy ending. I am sure I can’t be the only one who loves that

[petstutorial]

Fromm Adult Gold Formula Dog Food Review

Large breed dogs are those that weigh 50 pounds and above. The dog’s adult life is also the time when they are at their prime. The digs are very active in their proem years and they need much energy in order to cope with their activities. One way of doing this is by feeding them with highly nutritious diets that will not interfere with their heath and digestive system.

High protein recipes are the best options for dogs in their prime years. The recipe you choose for your adult dog should have a balance of proteins, essential vitamins, fats, minerals and if necessary carbohydrates. One of the best recipes for adult dogs in the market today is Fromm Adult Gold Large Breed Formula.

Fromm Adult Gold Large Breed Formula Dry Dog Food Summary

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Pros

Wholesome recipe with balanced and nutritious ingredients

A product of family based firm Fromm gold from Wisconsin USA

Meant for adult dogs weighing 50 pounds and above

Contains probiotics and prebiotics that support the digestive system

Contains no wheat, soy or corn

Have no added preservatives, colors or flavors

All ingredients are natural

Contains omega fatty acids

USDA and AAFCO approved

Comes with added cartilage that helps to support health of the joints

Helps with weight loss management

Helps to keep the dog’s skin and coat healthy ad shiny

Made with real Wisconsin cheese

Main ingredients include chicken, lamb, Wisconsin duck and fish among others

Holistic food recipe

Cons

Expensive compared to other brands of adult dry dog foods

Fromm Adult Gold Large Breed Formula Review

Fromm Adult Gold Large Breed Formula Dry Dog Food

(64)

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(Last update on 2019-10-08 at 07:08 ,UTC)

Adult dogs definitely need food that will keep it growing stringer and healthier. Adult dogs like puppies are active and in order to replenish the energy they use to play and move around the food they take should have enough energy levels. This product from Fromm gold, a family based company in Wisconsin, is one of the most nutritious recipes for adult dogs. The firm believes in giving only holistic all natural ingredients to pets.

The recipe contains a balanced blend of proteins, vitamins, minerals and a few carbs. It also contains omega fatty acids that help to keep the dogs coat healthy and shiny throughout. The diet helps to strengthen the digs muscles and hep in weight management.

For healthy and proper digestive system, the recipe contains prebiotics and probiotics that ensure that the dog does not get bloated or suffer any side effects after taking the recipe. The meal is especially good for dogs with sensitive stomachs and those that suffer from allergies. It is also a great recipe for dogs transitioning into a new diet.

Ingredients

Chicken is the first main ingredient in this recipe. The chicken in the recipe is 73% water and it loses its moisture after cooking thus reducing the weight. This leads to the recipe having a small quality of chicken. However small, it is of the greatest quality.

The second most important ingredient in the recipe is chicken meal. The meal concentrate contains more of the protein in the recipe than the actual chicken. Chicken broth, the third ingredient offers minimal nutritional value but it helps to add flavor and moisture to the food.

Oat groats, a whole grain is the fourth ingredient. The grain contains a gluten free high calorie content with average nutritional values. Other ingredients in the recipe include barley, which helps to provide the body with the much-needed fiber. Other notable ingredients are brown rice, chicken fat, menhaden fishmeal, tomato pomace, flaxseed, salmon oil, brewers yeast, alfalfa meal, chicory root, minerals and vitamins. The ingredients give the dog food an above average dry food quality.

Nutritional values

Protein levels in the food is 28%

Fat level is 18%

Carbohydrates is an estimated 46%

Fat to protein ratio is 58%

Customer’s reviews

Reviews on the above dry food product are mostly positive with very few complaints. Many of those that reviewed the product said that their dogs performed better health wise after transitioning to this meal without any side effects. One of the complaints was concerning the price which some felt was on the higher side. Other than that, the food got a number of five star ratings from amazon customers.

Brad gave the recipe five stars and had this to say;“My Dane and pit-bull love this stuff! They are more active than ever before and their coats became AMAZINGLY soft within the first week of switching to Fromm. Best dry food on the market and I’ve tried a lot.”

Duffer also gave the recipe five stars and had this to say; “I am very careful about what I feed max, my Dobie. His predecessor, also a Dobie, died after eating poisonous food from china. Everything I have been able to find out about the Fromm brand is that it is in the USA. It is comfort to know that you are not feeding your dog a harmful product. Yes it is pricey but so is my best furry friend max.”

Sts in New England gave the recipe five stars and had this to add: “Folks are always commenting how shiny my black labs coat is. This is all she eats, so this is where I give the credit. She’s very active, very healthy and loves her Fromms”

Sarah another satisfied customer said: “This food arrives so fast every time I order it that I am starting to get spoiled and lazy with how late I wait! They are awesome. Fromm is one of the best dog foods out there, it is increasingly hard to find retail, and so I am glad I can get it delivered straight to my door so easily and for the same price as going out to the store. If the price goes up, I will go back and purchase it at retailer, but until then, they can count on me every month!!”

Another five star rating came from Lashaine Frazier who said: “Our pit unfortunately has skin allergies. We switched and saw a significant difference. She likes it very much.”

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Verdict

If the above reviews do not convince you that this recipe is the right one for your adult dog, I do not know what else will. The price is high yes, but that is only because the ingredients that goes into making the recipe are all natural and of very high quality. Personally, I would buy this recipe any time and I highly recommend it.

Wrapping it up

You can never go wrong with Fromm gold food products. The meals are grain free and they have a good balance of proteins and other ingredients. They are the best to use if you want a happy healthy dog around you. The best thing about Fromm gold is that you have a special recipe for all your dog’s stages off growth.

For more on dry dog food and GRAIN FREE recipes, read our earlier articles. In addition, if you have any questions to ask or anything to add to what is in this article, feel free to reach out to us through the comment box and we will respond. You can also share this article with a friend or relative that is searching for the best dry food for adult dogs.

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Eukanuba Adult Large Breed Dry Dog Food, 33 lb. bag 247 Reviews CHECK LAST PRICE 2

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