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illicitivywp · 4 years

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thigh

part one

"Take another picture and I swear, I will kill you."

His empty threat strings a melodious giggle from your throat, powered greatly by the three or four flutes of bubbly champagne you had earlier enjoyed, "don't be grumpy, Harry," recently, it's become your favourite pastime; teasing him relentlessly over his grouchy tendencies.

Fire crackles calmly, contained securely in a pit, placed efficiently in the centre of where your friends chat and sip alcoholic beverages.

"I'm not grumpy. Delete the pictures."

You hum in faux thought, cinching your lips to one side and twisting to face him and subsequently irritate him further, "no, I don't think I will."

He raises an eyebrow in challenge, allowing his head to rest lazily against the cushion he had nabbed from your own chair before you even got the chance, "you will."

"Will I?" raising your phone to snap yet another picture of him, he frowns dramatically, presumably with the purpose to ruin any future plans of more photos, one which you still intend on following through, "what if I posted them on Instagram, huh? What then?"

"Then, you die."

"That is so truly terrifying," honestly, the ruthless humidity of the previous few days holds more terror than his hollow, dismissive tone, but for every word that you're uttering enthusiastically, he's not relaxing peacefully with creamy sand wiggling between his toes, and he grows only more and more irritated. Despite the absence of seriousness behind his indignation, he will genuinely consider murder if you don't finally retire in your determination to piss him off. So far, you're successful, but he won't admit that. His narcissism, whilst newly embraced as part of his inept personality and often subjected to self-deprecating jokes whilst on stage, is far too considerable for him to submit to your attempts that easily.

"If you post any of these..." his cheekbone pokes curiously at his creamy skin as his jaw shifts to allow his tongue to transport the wad of fresh mint gum from one concave of his cheek to the other, "I will throw your phone into the sea. And then, maybe you."

"You're feeling extra murderous today, aren't you? Not get laid last night?" you suggest a potential reason for his uncharacteristic irritability tonight with a quirked eyebrow and mischievous smile curled onto your glossed lips. Although the late evening dew of the air is rather unbearable at times, the temperature is pleasurably mild - certainly warm enough to constitute several cooled beers and decisions of short shorts, not a single sleeve anywhere in sight.

Tonight is your blessing of relaxation after a lackadaisical day spent between lounging lazily in the sun and dodging burns, stumbling over your limited knowledge of the complicated Greek language in bids to order a fresh soda or peanut butter ice cream (both which are, luckily, one tiny section of your all-inclusive holiday) and visiting various quaint cafes in groups, where you had already formed a sort of signature of trying the baklava from every food establishment you hit in a flippant attempt to discover the best recipe.

His glare is lethal, even through the costly sunglasses beginning to ski along the attractive slope of his nose, undeterred by his knuckle nudging the bridge back into place barely two minutes prior, "no."

"No?"

"No, I didn't, but also that's not why I'm pissed."

"I thought you weren't?" you smile luminously at the opportunity to simultaneously slip him up on his previous claim and, as it appears, irritate him further, "c'mon, H. Why're you so mad today?"

He sighs a puff out of his nose, scrunching it up like he often does subconsciously, "you really want to know why I'm feeling so angry?" he glances in your general direction, though it flies far over your shoulder and seems to focus on something of his interest in the distance, most likely located somewhere on the vast innocence of the beach that is often shadowed by the towering hotel where you and your friends are currently residing during your month-long trip.

"Please, enlighten me."

"It's because..." he leans forward, gesturing for you to follow with a flick of his index finger, indicating a private matter, "this really, really noisy, annoying girl won't stop taking pictures of me whilst I'm trying to relax."

Your expression flattens, faking an impartial expression and hoping the quirk of your lips, forcing them into a momentary smile, is simply a hallucination, produce of the alcohol floating casually through your usually organised thoughts and jumbling them wildly. However, a tipsy giggle slips free regardless, "at least I'm successful in pissing you off."

"Remind why I invited you to Mykonos again?"

Although he's acting displeased at your disruptive presence, you do manage to spot a small smile of bemusement before he turns intentionally away, "because you love me," you shrug nonchalantly, and Harry can't help but notice how the bulbs glowing brilliantly behind you form an angelic inverted shadow of warmth, reflecting naturally from the leftover champagne smeared over your lips.

"Hm, do I?”

"Why else would you let me do this?" grasping his wrist before it rises instinctively to block your attack, you launch from your personal seat with a pure laugh at his inability to hold his burst of comical chuckles any longer the second you come to rest peacefully, one foot supporting your balance by the floor and the other pointed highly as the respective knees each pause - beside his lowly slouched hip and between his thighs. Your own hands raise in time with his; you click another blurry picture of him and he playfully pushes at your stomach, "see! You just love me."

"That's debatable. Mitch, can you control her?" he laughs brazenly at your faux objection, appearing to have emerged from his earlier mystery of irritation - although you'd love to know the genuine cause, you would much rather mess around with the Harry you see every day.

Mitch chuckles, a reasonably rare sight despite his contempt with life, "I'm already struggling with Sarah, she's probably way too drunk right now," for this breezy comment, he receives a light smack to the arm from Sarah beside him. Her ankles are crossed comfortably and hanging loosely over his legs, and as adorable as they currently look, she is certainly way too drunk and practically dropping off to sleep, aided by the reassuring flames trickling from the pit separating us and the countless alcoholic drinks she had consumed in a brief period of the last few hours.

"Can you just get off me? You're heavy," Harry tries again, lying straight through his teeth because, as it seems to be turning out, he's not so opposed to you claiming a place atop his thigh, and he surely doesn't mind the shortness of your shorts that he hadn't quite noticed before, "please."

Your hips sway instinctively as you pause foolishly for thought, and his fingers itch around his cool beer bottle to grip onto your waist and set you down much, much closer than your previous (strictly friendly) interactions would imply. Eventually, you smile shamelessly at his unsettled request, lowering yourself gradually until the denim hem of your shorts brushes his

skin and electrifies a taunting shiver along his spine, almost as if you're entirely aware of your actions and their consequential effects.

Dipping forward, his jaw is already mentally loosened to the floor, and you assist him in flipping it into reality; your thumb digs gently into the acute impression of his cheekbone and your fingers wrap steadily around his jaw, shimmering palm covering his chin and essentially silencing him. "No," your playful whisper worms its path languidly through his hazy thought process, the faint feeling of your free fingers tilting forward into his mouth clutching his wrist tightly and yanking him unwillingly back to present day. Once here, however, his eyebrows furrow in irritation yet again - your entire display, intentional or not, had been a ruse to pluck his half-chewed gum right from between his slick lips.

Instinctively, (he kind of hopes, too) his teeth clamp together strongly before you can rip your fingers away, not enough to seriously injure you but definitely sufficient to shock you into a melodious giggle, "that's mine," he states blankly, waiting with much more patience than any normal human would have remaining with you at this point.

"No, it's not," your grin is utterly infuriating, yet radiant enough to set alight to an urge Harry's felt a fair few times, one that - up until now, it seems - hasn't quite slipped into the state of insatiability. Frequently, during your relatively common drunken nights out, he's had one or six too many drinks and you just look so incredible, so inviting, practically begging him to utilise any part of his body to pleasure you, even just to kiss you.

Unfortunately for him, however, you've never expressed any interest in him aside from platonic cuddles during your harder breakups or holding hands with the purpose of deterring any creeping men who may, like he had a pathetically long time ago, admire your effortless beauty, which often results in Harry sat sullenly with his chin in his palm, ignoring any attempts to chat to him and viewing you from afar, silently cherishing your incandescent smile and silly dance moves. It also, most of the time, ends in you gaining a meaningful interaction with some random guy who Harry always wordlessly disapproves of but remains quiet on his opinions for your happiness, whilst Harry usually returns home either directly from whatever club or party or shamefully calls his personal driver to pick him up from whoever stranger's bedroom he finds himself inside.

The only pacification that appears to work successfully in tearing his focus away from you is the few lasting relationships he's experienced; enjoyably, of course. He's even been in love once or twice, but the one connection that seems to endure any test - crazed fans, endless months of touring, even the brutal argument that followed shortly after he had darted any instruction you had given him and sought out and punched an ex-boyfriend who had laid his hands on you once, and that was once too much for Harry - is yours.

"Give it back," his demand is so stern you consider obeying for a brisk moment, although after an agile deliberation, you follow your original plan and pop the gum directly on your own tongue, chewing it complacently a total of twice before he recreates your gesture.

His movements are much rougher, stronger, and considerably quicker; he squeezes your cheeks correctly and physically forces your lips to part, glaring candidly straight into your eyes when he snatches one end of the stretched gum, luckily hooked onto your canine and reassuring an easy job. In spite of his inept advantage in terms of tenacity, you had readily prepared for a fight, ensuring to grasp his jaw until the gum was resting triumphantly in your palm.

His first mistake is releasing you before shifting his hand safely with the gum away, allowing your teeth, much like his own had, to clench down, catching the end of the mint instead of his fingers.

His second mistake is refusing to surrender his rescue attempt, inefficiently stringing it along rather than stealing it directly from between your teeth, now wrapped around the tip of your tongue.

His third mistake is maintaining eye contact...for him, at least. You're giggling drunkenly though your bite, emotionally unaffected by your proximity.

You shift above him, and whilst you don't particularly feel how smoothly your legs fit with his, you do notice the jolt of hormones swirling through your bloodstream and the subsequent uncomfort deep inside of your tummy. Simply, you're horny, and, naturally, you attribute it to the champagne.

His first score is regaining his sense swiftly after your slip, observing dazedly that you appear to spend a little more time caught in your head, and he wonders absently if you feel it, too.

His second score is gathering his wits enough to squeeze once on your jaw, prying it open once again and victoriously unhooking the gum from your tooth, all before your thoughts regulate.

His third, and final, score is preserving his grip and testing his strength by repositioning your head until it levels flatly with his and twisted away from him, placing his velvet lips right beside your ear. He tucks an escapee strand away, his touch so feathery that it animates unexplainable shivers across your skin, raising goosebumps across your lower arms that are instantly noticed by Harry and earn a confident smirk; maybe, you are interested.

You're partly oblivious to the atmosphere created around you, whilst Harry is so aware, it's already beginning to hurt.

Disregarding the thin denim of your shorts that intervenes his bare thigh, clothed only in boxers and a white t-shirt due to the soaring heat, and your pleasure, your warmth is prevalent; he almost allows his eyes to roll backwards when he feels it, and he just can’t control himself for much longer.

Inadvertently brushing his lips against your ear, he exhales, “you know I can feel you, right?” Your expression softens into confusion, a half-hearted plea that he’ll consider being mistaken and pretend that this entire situation never existed, “what? Did you think I couldn’t?” His tone is so low and mean that a heavy swallow constricts your throat, causing him to almost laugh lightly at your abrupt plunge of realisation, “you think you can sit right there, on my thigh, and I wouldn’t be able to feel you throbbing? Poor baby--”

“Stop,” it’s a pathetic whisper, little to absolutely no conviction roaring behind it because, for the first time in a while, you’re recognising that you don’t really want him to stop.

“Stop?” he repeats your doubtful obstruction, an attractive chuckle hidden beneath his overly condescending voice, “do you really want that?”

His eyes twinkle with your hesitation, his lips parted just enough to allow his bunny teeth to poke out, and you’re considering your answer hurriedly; do you want that? Do you want him? Flustered, you glance towards Mitch and Sarah for an excuse to protest, disappointed yet strangely excited to find that they must’ve taken off back to their hotel room, leaving you entirely alone with Harry.

“I--” as fast as you had realised your privacy, a distinctive, drunken cackle of laughter disrupts, your stinging focus flipping speedily from his offer to your friends returning.

Mitch’s arm is slung loosely around Sarah’s shoulder, tugging her closer when she giggles at the ticklish feeling of his relatively lengthy hair resting on her upper back. They reappear with fresh beers held in their wobbly hands, clearly oblivious to the situation they’re interrupting as they greet you with a nod of acknowledgement before flopping cheerfully into their chair.

In spite of their unexpected reentry, Harry’s bold determination doesn’t waver, “if you want me to stop, just say,” it’s another nudge of encouragement, challenging your temporary reluctance, all of which melts like ice cream dripping from his tongue when his thigh shifts purposefully beneath you and he mouths inaudibly, “quiet.” Your chest is already rising shallowly, stealing large gulps of oxygen to prevent an absence; your core pulses in replacement for the gasp that would naturally escape if you weren’t in literal public, right in front of your friends, no less.

“Harry, have you heard from Harris?” Mitch calls out, entirely impartial to the connection between you.

He glances over, simultaneously pushing up his sunglasses to rest in his messy nest of curls and retrieving his beer from the round table beside you, “yeah, they called earlier. They’re arriving at like... five in the morning, I’m pretty sure - said they’ll text when they land, though.”

He moves again, clearing his throat inconspicuously and straightening his body a little when your muted whimper punctuates the friction he creates, explicitly grazing the fabric of your shorts against your clit. Mitch hums in affirmation, “what’s the name of that restaurant? The one we’re going to tomorrow?”

“Um, Aggie’s, I think,” his free leg bounces restlessly, the several rings adorning his slender fingers clinking with the glass in his palms, “about five minutes away. ‘s got good breakfast foods, maybe we should go earlier,” he suggests evenly; if you weren’t the one struggling to silence your moans at the hands of his expertise in women’s pleasure, you would assume he’s completely unaffected.

“Nine?”

“If you think I can be out of bed and functioning by nine…” Sarah heckles his proposition, causing everyone, with the exception of yourself, to chuckle in agreement.

Harry’s eyes connect fiercely with yours as he raises his beer to steal a brief sip, his thigh beginning to deviate from peace at a faster pace, and you grit your teeth into a smile when he recklessly drives his muscles upwards a little to apply additional pressure to your sensitivity. When your eyelids flutter closed at the inconceivable rush of pleasure, he snaps his attention away and hides his smirk behind his bottle.

“Ten, then,” Mitch proposes humorously, and Harry nods gradually in confirmation.

“Is ten okay for you?” you require a beat or two to realise that his question, accompanied by a smug smile and glimmering eyes, is directed towards you. It places all attention on you suddenly, and the struggle of withholding your whines and charming sighs, knowing that everyone is watching you, mostly unaware of your current battle, heightens unbelievably,

You nod, silent aside from a gulp of nerves and broken into pieces when he nudges his thigh upwards yet again, “yeah, that sounds great,” you spit out an answer with a faux smile, presuming that to be the single method of preventing his cruel actions from continuing.

“Fantastic,” he speaks aloud to the group, yet his eyes remain drawn to yours, flickering momentarily to your rosy cheeks and silky lips, “we’ll meet in the lobby at quarter-to,” he surveys your surroundings, particularly where the other’s attention lies currently.

Apparently, he deems it to be safe to speak quietly to rile you up further. However, you lunge at the opportunity of his distractedness, experimenting discretely and raising your hips slightly from his leg, swiftly clamping your thighs together in a desperate search for relief; the alleviation of pressure you do receive and the pleasure that follows suit is unimaginable.

Harry disapproves immediately. One, firm squeeze of your waist lands you right back where you had managed to temporarily escape - despite how much you’re enjoying the implication of riding his thigh, (which is utterly insane in itself, you can’t believe you’re genuinely allowing yourself to do this) the pace he’s setting isn’t nearly as fast as you desire.

His hand glides intently from your hip, grazing over your centre in passing before sliding haltingly along your own thigh. Although they’re about half the size of his, you appear to mold perfectly.

Eventually, his fingertips tap lightly at your knee, slipping beneath to grasp it in one, heavenly palm with incredible ease, physically restraining any potential movement and quashing any hope of relief you foolishly had clung onto like life support, “Harry…”

“Shh, c’mere,” he whispers lowly, a mischievous glint sparkling in the green of his irises and informing you that he has some sort of plan. You almost moan out when he hits exactly the right spot once, and by the time he figures out a subtle rhythm, nudging your clit with every single shift of his thigh, your own are shivering and your teeth are digging into your bottom lip to the point of pain with the sheer effort of maintaining relative control.

“I--” you trail off, scrunching up your nose and knitting your feathery eyebrows together, burrowing your nails into the fleshiest part of your palm.

“Hm?” he hums knowingly, removing his hand from your knee and running soft lines along your leg. If you weren’t already trembling from his superficial touch, you certainly would be now. His fingertips travel further towards where your shorts are already displaced an inch or two each time, a wild glance cast over to where your friends sit, unaware and chatting amusedly, secures your fragile safety, “you gonna come, is that it?”

The smugness dripping from his words like honey strings a soft sigh from your lungs, your stomach and fingers quivering visibly as your orgasm approaches rapidly.

You nod in response, squeezing your eyes shut to quell the risk of a stray moan slipping out and humiliating the both of you, but, for Harry, this doesn’t seem to be satisfactory. He requires a spoken answer, and you don’t even have the ability to speak, currently.

His mellow fingertips finally reach the apex of your thighs, terrifying yet relieving; if he slips his touch anywhere near your bare, warm skin, you surely wouldn’t be able to physically withhold your whines, and yet, you’re silently begging him to disregard that possibility entirely and and rip all of your clothing to shreds right here.

Deliberately lazily, he slides the fabric covering your center aside, and, as much as he’s craving just the sight of you, he knows that you’re not exactly in the correct mindset to permit him to see anything without liability, so his eyes hover directly on yours. Your eyelids flutter closed in anticipation for his touch and preparing for the unbearable pressure built in your stomach to release shortly.

Expecting warmth, you jolt in surprise and gasp quietly at the iciness of his fresh bottle of beer pressed snugly against your bare skin, risking a timid dredge of your nails along his bicep which flexes with the effort of spreading your legs for him.

He smiles, satisfied at your reaction, not bothering to focus on you any longer; his forearm runs along the entire length of your thigh, two fingers supporting the bottle and his elbow pushing on your knee as he plucks his phone from the table with his free hand, holding it loosely and without an ounce of care. The prospect of him making you feel this senseless and barely even paying attention to your tiny trembles is driving you dangerously close to the edge.

“Hey, Mitch,” he speaks normally, catching the attention of everyone and forcing you to quieten to full silence, “what’d you think of the beer?”

“It’s pretty good - not as good as that one from Madrid, though.”

Sarah chuckles in agreement, “no wonder. Nothing could be better than that.”

“Actually--,” Harry pauses, abruptly removing the bottle from between you, appearing to the others to have been resting innocently on his lap, and raising it. You physically clench your mouth shut tightly when, instead of taking a sip, he tilts his head and, in one, large sweep of his tongue, he cleans your dripping arousal from the glass, smiling angelically in your direction. This time, he does take a small drink of the alcohol you have always preferred to avoid, “tastes really good.”

Mitch nods in fairness, assuming his comment to be about the beer, but you know better, “I’m definitely not complaining.”

“I think... it might be the best I’ve ever tasted.”

“I wouldn’t go that far,” he laughs, as does Harry, and as it seems, Sarah has fallen asleep with her forehead landing on her boyfriend’s shoulder.

His eyes meet yours yet again, a quirk of his eyebrow implying to lean down, “are you listening?” You nod compliantly, “you’re gonna keep riding my thigh until you come, understand?”

Jaw clenching as you swallow thickly at his demand, you feel as if you could finish just by the viciousness to his tone, “yes.”

“Good girl, and be quiet about it,” he instructs decisively, frowning slightly when his phone alerts with the buzz of a phone call. At your brisk glimpse, the screen reads Jeff, and you feel somewhat comforted yet horrified at the fact you know the caller personally, because, after all, his client and close friend is about to make you come. “Hi, what’s up?”

“Harry, have you been on instagram recently?” Jeff sounds seriously concerned, which instantly matches in Harry’s expression; you would mirror his nerves if you weren’t so focused on the pleasure of his bare thigh rubbing against your clit repeatedly. Understandably, you’re a little preoccupied.

“Uh, no, I’ve been out for a while. Is something wrong?” this particular comment is certainly enough to catch your attention, and you freeze with nothing but an artful grin.

“Someone appears to have posted some photos of you, from tonight, I’m assuming,” he announces, and Harry’s gaze snaps maliciously to you, “I’m guessing the culprit is with you right now.”

“Yeah. Yeah, she is,” if you thought the intensity of his glare was fiery before, you’re now blistering from the blaze, “don’t worry, I can sort it out.”

“I don’t think many people have caught them quite yet, but a few have tweeted about it.”

“Yeah, okay, I’ll deal with it.”

“Have a nice night, H.”

“You too, mate, speak to you tomorrow,” he exhales as if he were exhausted shortly after ending the call, calmly setting his phone and beer upon the small table. In a sudden twist, your hair is tangled around his wrist and becomes leverage for him to yank you closer, “I’m gonna fuck the shit outta you, you know that?”

Your squeak of anticipation is barely audible, though the hint of hilarity is strongly set within your darkened eyes, “mhm.”

He releases you with a unique roughness that stretches a gasp from your lungs, “make yourself come,” the comment is flippantly articulated, and yet, utterly cataclysmic for the pressure you dare to cover your centre with again and again. Within thirty seconds, your thighs are trembling, your stomach is clenching in count with your core, and your features are scrunched up firmly.

Usually, he would view the contortion of your face to be adorable. He has many times in the past, in fact. Right now, however, he’s concentrating heavily on not coming just from the sight of you curbing your whimpers and trying so hard not to alert your drunken friends of your provocative acts. Absently, he wonders how an outsider would perceive the two of you at this moment; is it obvious? Do you look like a happily married couple or is it clear that you’re simply friends who slipped and accidentally blurred the boundaries set naturally between you?

You muffle your sob against his shoulder, and, in an effort to appear in the eyes of others like a platonic act of comfort, he buries his fingers into your messed hair, embracing you closer and allowing him to drive his thigh upwards in time with your subtle movements.

His lips, craving to be connected to yours, flatten neutrally, mirroring the rest of his face - Mitch, who’s awoken by Sarah’s quiet snores, smiles privately at your proximity. Whilst it’s obvious he’s not aware of the deeper purpose of your closeness, he had figured out that Harry was completely over his head for you barely weeks after meeting him, and he’s pleased that you seem to have crossed the line of friendship.

“I- I’m so close--” you choke out against his supportive weight, your voice cracking pathetically and causing the corners of his lips to quirk up smugly, “Harry…” your jaw drops laxly whilst the rest of your body tenses; your nails dig crescent moons into his bicep, your thighs quiver around his, your core pulses in nearly painful relief at the abrupt dissipation of pressure.

He thinks you look so, so incredibly pretty at any given moment, but he has to say, seeing your highest inhibitions unravel so profoundly as you come for him, you’ve truly never looked better than when you’re his.

Chest rising hollowly, a sharp inhale rips through your lungs and reinvigorates your perception of reality, and, this time, your jaw plummets for a whole other cause.

Oh, my God, what the fuck did you just do?

You actually, genuinely just rode the thigh of one of the biggest celebrities in the modern industry, topping every chart and barely batting an eyelid at women hurling themselves at him, exactly as you had just done.

And you liked it--loved it, even.

He made you come; an occurrence that (unfortunately for your childish expectations that were shattered several years ago) is often rare and difficult to achieve. And he did it without so much as a single touch.

Regaining movement as your senses begin to slow down in their innate tingling and his hand shifts from your untidy hair, he tries not to focus for too long on your flushed cheeks and puffy lips, “you good?”

“Did you really just ask if I’m good?”

“Yeah.”

“...yeah, I’m really good, Harry. What was that?” you stutter in a panic; sure, you’d had your moments of appreciating his attractiveness and wondering what it’d be like to potentially obscure the boundary of friendship between you, but you had never even considered that.

He smiles youthfully, tracing your cheekbone with his thumb, “a preview. C’mon, I’m so, so far from done with you.” In one sudden swipe, all of your hesitance, all of your anxiety over the implications of whatever the fuck you just did, disappears into thin air, and you’re willing for absolutely anything.

Your platonic relationship is fucked already, why not destroy it entirely?

#harry #harrystyles #thigh #thighrry #hs

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eldritchsurveys · 6 years

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oo6.

1. Do you have any sort of “secret” goals or dreams, where you think about doing something a lot, but haven’t told anyone about it or actually made steps to achieve it? Maybe something you aren’t quite serious about, but still like to consider? >> I’m not sure. I don’t think so. Making goals isn’t a thing I’m really into. I don’t like to focus my life on one thing (moving to New Orleans is the only thing that I’m focused on, and that’s causing me enough grief because I can’t really do anything about furthering that process, it’s just a waiting game), because it has a tendency to tunnel my vision. I like to be open to as many opportunities as possible, and also... what kind of goals would a person like me have, anyway? 2. Does your town/area have a farmer’s market? Do you ever buy your vegetables there rather than grocery store? >> There are probably quite a few, but the one I know about is down the road from me. I haven’t been there when they start selling foodstuffs yet; I’m looking forward to finally buying produce from there, though. 3. Has anyone ever “ruined” anything for you (for example: your partner says, “oh, this song always reminds me of my ex” and you never want to listen to it again, or your friend is so obsessed with a movie that you start to resent the film)? >> Nah. That reminds me of Vlad, though, and how Sigma and Crystal fucking ran Repo! the Genetic Opera into the fucking ground around her to the point where Vlad refused to ever watch it or have anything to do with it. Like, damn, how obnoxious do you have to be to drive someone to that point. (Obviously if someone doesn’t find it obnoxious, then go ape-shit -- but if someone’s like “please stop singing these songs literally all the time” and you keep doing it? You’re the asshole in this situation.) 4. If you had a significant other and somehow got a chance to kiss your celebrity crush, would you still go for it? >> I don’t think my significant others would have anything against me kissing Idris Elba LMAOsdnfkglkj 5. If you still live with your parents, is it scary for you to imagine living away from them when you move out on your own? If you live on your own, how did you cope with moving away from your family for the first time? >> I didn’t really have time to acclimate to the change. I left my father’s house and drove myself straight back into the lion’s den that fucked me up the first time, because trauma does weird shit to people and in my case at that time, it made me... go back to it. And predictably, more fucked up shit happened, and I ended up back at my father’s house anyway, and then I turned 18 and got put into the hospital for suicidal ideation, and after that I was... on my own. Officially. And I had a drug-addict boyfriend, which took up all my time and energy, so I once again had no time or energy to process the fact that I was an adult out in this world that I was in no way prepared for. So, you know. I coped wonderfully!

6. Do you tend to be attracted to people that are more similar to you in interests and mannerisms or do you tend to be attracted to someone opposite/complementing to you? >> I really don’t, like... think about it. I’m just attracted to whom I’m attracted to. I trust there’s a reason for it, but I don’t make a big deal out of looking for the reason. 7. If you could choose your dream cast for a movie, name 3-4 actors you’d choose to be in it. >> Hmm. 8. Is there something that people complain about that just makes your roll your eyes because you think is not a big deal and you would gladly trade your own issues for it? >> Unfortunately, yeah, and every time I feel that way I have to talk myself out of it, because it’s uncharitable and short-sighted, not to mention dismissive of other people’s experiences and traumas. But, you know, being human, and all. It be’s like this sometimes. (It’s usually about people I don’t know, like, teenagers on tumblr complaining about... idk, their parents or something.) 9. Does it bother you when you find out that your friends have hung out without inviting you? >> This is definitely not a problem I have.

10. Have you discovered or learned anything that’s excited you, lately? If not, do you ever actually feel excitement when learning about something new? >> Sure. I mean, I don’t remember what exactly now, but that’s a familiar feeling. 11. What is a talent that a lot of other people desire or value but you really don’t care to have (e.g., singing, etc.)? >> Hmm... playing an instrument, I’d say. I like singing just fine. And I love to listen to other people play instruments, I don’t need to play one myself. 12. Do you remember the first time you consciously took a stand for your own rights (e.g., walking out of class while offended)? If you don’t remember the first time, can you explain one time when you’ve done this? >> Yeah, I really don’t remember the first time I might have done something like this. I don’t even remember any time I’ve done anything like this. I don’t think I like... take a conscious stand for things. I don’t know. 13. Is there something that you would claim as the best purchase you ever made? >> Probably not. I mean, I make decent purchases, but nothing that stands out. 14. Have you ever received an unwanted gift from someone trying to woo you? Did you accept it or reject it? >> I don’t think so. 15. Do you find that you compare yourself to others often? What sort of things do you find you compare most? >> Nah, I don’t do it all that often. Like, it happens sometimes, but it’s not a big problem I need to fix or anything. Sometimes I compare my relationship with Wednesday to other people’s relationship to [their personal incarnations of Wednesday], and that’s dumb but I know it comes from my anxieties regarding religious things in general. Christian leftovers, basically. Religious trauma is the issue I need to work on, not necessarily my knee-jerk comparing. 16. Do you ever do something in public and then worry that you might have embarrassed the people you were with? >> Sometimes, but that’s usually because substances were involved. It’s not a big problem now. 17. What was the last thing to make you really inspired to write or create art? If you don’t remember the last thing, do you ever find yourself struck by sudden inspiration? >> I do find myself struck with sudden inspiration on occasion, but I try not to depend upon that. Inspiration is fickle, and sometimes you just need to sit down and write whether it shows up or not. 18. Are you excited at all about the upcoming The Perks of Being a Wallflower movie? >> LOL 19. Would you say that you have a competitive streak when it comes to certain things? Which situations bring out the competitor in you? >> I’m really not competitive at all. In a battle of natural selection, I’d fucking lose so hard. 20. Have you ever boycotted a product or corporation? How come? >> Nah. 21. Are there any people whom you aspire to be like? Which traits do you find in those people that you wish to emulate? >> I mean, everyone I know has at least a couple of traits that I’d like to develop more in myself. Whether I do it or not is another story, lmao. 22. Are you a registered bone-marrow donor? If not, would you be interested in registering (bethematch.org) or is there something that turns you away from it? >> I’m not, but Sparrow is. The moment she said that it’s hella painful I was like “okay, donation is noble and wonderful but uh. I’m good” 23. If someone asks you to hang out, but for some reason you’re just feeling lazy/don’t want to go anywhere, do you ignore them, make up an excuse, or just tell them the honest truth? >> Listen, people who are going to be friends with me need to know that I’m gonna need days to just veg out at home and decompress and shit, or even to just be by myself for a little while, so I might as well be honest from the gate. I’ll try to make it up to them another day. 24. Do you think it should be illegal for gas stations to sell synthetic drugs (like K2 and Bath Salts) under the guise of them being “potpourri,” or do you think it’s not the gas stations’ fault for trying to make a penny, it’s the user’s fault for abusing the potpourri? >> I do think that should be illegal, because I’ve witnessed first-hand what K2 does to people. I even tried it myself, and oh my god, fuck that shit to hell. It’s... it’s disturbing. It’s so disturbing. I wish it’d go the fuck away. And while I’m all for personal accountability, I feel that’s an unnecessarily callous stance to take when it comes to substance use and abuse. There are a lot of factors that go into substance use and abuse -- mental health, socioeconomic position, the usage habits of one’s community, social alienation, desperation... like, the nuances are myriad. Saying something like “well they could just NOT use it” is an easy way to earn my distrust. 25. Have you heard of or even read the novel, “50 Shades of Grey”? If so, what’s your opinion about it? >> Heh. Yeah, I tried to read it. I didn’t get very far. I did see the movie, though! I used to feel a lot more strongly about it, but honestly, that was a waste of my fucking energy and I was just being ridiculous. It’s not that deep.

#surveys #survey #random survey

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literallyjustanerd · 7 years

Text

In His Eyes (Chapter 5)

Another dose! Please enjoy I stayed up way too late to finish this chapter

Genre: Slow build/eventual romance Word count: 3624 Pairing: Nightcrawler/Angel Rating: T+

The clock has read 12:41 for the last fifteen minutes. That’s what it feels like to Scott, anyway. The professor drones on at the front of the classroom, and his voice is a sedative, slowly draining Scott of the little energy he had. His classmates seem to be in the same state of trance as he is; students slump over their desks, not one of them able to hold their head up unassisted. The day is warm, and the heat inside the stuffy study-come-classroom only highlights how tantalising the view from the window looks, crisp green lawns below a vivid blue sky promising freedom from the stifling tedium of class. Absentmindedly, he taps his pen on the side of his desk, suppressing a yawn: the professor may have told his students that he had a policy against reading his students’ thoughts, but he didn’t need telepathy to decode Scott’s lack of enthusiasm for basic physics. Evidently, he is not the only one who finds the class tedious, as he soon feels the sharp jab of a ballpoint pen in the side of his leg.

“Hey! Do you mind?” he hisses, and Ororo rolls her eyes, slouched and leaning back in her chair. As usual, the combination of her striking hair and black-and-leather clothing choices give her the image of a perfect punk-rock icon, like an image straight from a magazine. In reality, though Ororo presented herself as uncaring about her appearance, even her nonchalance is part of a carefully cultivated image. Like Jubilee’s bright, colourful persona or the uncaring bad-boy style Scott tries to emulate. “Toughen up,” comes Ororo’s chiding response. “What do you want?” “I’m bored.” “So?” “So, I’m trying to not be bored.”

Scott rolls his eyes, thankful at least that they are in the back row and out of the professor’s main focus. “And what can I do for you, your majesty?” Scott sighs, an unimpressed mocking in his tone. “Tell me what you know about what’s going with Jean,” Ororo demands. Her demeanour is determined, with a hint of brashness, and Scott nearly pushes her away then and there. However, he has little else to fill his time with, scarcely little, until the minutes ticked over to lunch and he can escape the confines of the classroom. So, he gives in to Storm’s insistent tone. “Jean?” “Yeah. Everyone’s talking about it. Her weird dreams. Some of the other kids say her powers are driving her crazy.” The accusation brings a frown to Scott’s face, eyes narrowing under red-tinted glasses. In the seat next to him, Ororo’s face remains flat and expectant. She knows as well as any student in the school that there is a thing between Scott and Jean. Rumours are passed around the hallways and classrooms, speculations ranging from one student catching the pair holding hands under a tree in the grounds to another (albeit not very widely believed) claim that someone had walked in on them ‘getting intimate’ in Scott’s bedroom. “Jean’s not crazy,” he says, slowly and firmly. “It’s just hard for her to control her powers. Same with you. Same with me.” “No duh. How’s the pinkeye, lasers?” The girl sees Scott’s fists clench, and she smirks, having gotten the response she had been looking for. “Shut. Up. You know why I wear these glasses,” he huffs, shoulders slumping and arms folded across his chest. There is a beat of silence before he gives in and speaks again, this time in nothing more than a mumble. “And they’re not lasers. They’re optic blasts.” There is a small snort of derision from the girl next to him. “Give it a rest, wastoid,” Scott snaps, earning both he and Ororo a swift scolding from Charles at the front of the classroom. After a reluctant and begrudging apology, the two go right back to bickering. “For real, though. Don’t go bringing me into this. I have control of my powers,” Ororo gloats, earning her a hearty, if muffled, laugh. “Yeah. That’s why whenever you’re in a bad mood, the kids in your class have to carry umbrellas.” Unable to find a reasonable retort, the girl can only scowl at the boy beside her, her anger fuelled by his cocky smirk. Their eyes are still directed towards the front of the classroom, books open and pens in hand to create the illusion of engagement, or at least compliance. It is like this often for both of the two – neither has ever been much into academia, and neither plans to pursue a career outside of the X-Men. It has always just felt right to them after settling into the mansion to dedicate themselves to furthering the rights of mutantkind. To Ororo after her years trying to scrape by in Egypt, and to Scott, who grew up watching his brother campaign as part of the pioneering X-Men, reminding him near daily that a life not spent fighting for what was right was a life wasted.

“It’s not like anyone here has perfect control of their powers,” Ororo defends. “I dunno. Look at Peter. I don’t see him screwing up or forgetting how to run.” “Peter’s different,” Ororo insists. “His power’s simple. It’s natural to him. Like Kurt’s.” Scott’s face scrunches in confusion and disagreement, but Ororo stands by her argument. “Maybe the more mutant you look, the easier it is to use your powers.” “That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.” “Well how do you know it’s not true?” she queries, growing indignant under Scott’s constant dismissal. “Because. Kurt doesn’t have full control either. He can’t take that many people at once, and he only goes where he can see.” She shrugs, twirling her pen between her fingers with the deftness and effortlessness that can only come from a childhood spent picking pockets and stealing to survive. “It’s probably just his problem. He’s not exactly the most confident guy out there.” “Hey, how would you feel if you got the looks he did in public?” “Fair,” she concedes, a pensive frown overtaking her well-defined features. She pauses a second or two, as though piecing together her own thoughts. “Has he seemed strange to you lately?” The memory drops into Scott’s mind of the day of Warren’s first flight: he bears a secret, and though he would sooner die than admit it, Scott often liked to indulge in a little gossip. The temptation is strong to share what he very strongly suspects. “Strange how?” “Usually he’s everyone’s friend. Never has that smile off his face. Past week he’s been acting like a whole different person. Doesn’t want to talk to anyone.” The tension between them has dissipated completely. With something else to focus on, it’s as though their rivalry never existed. “What about Warren?” “Warren?” Ororo screws up her nose. “What about him?” “Have you noticed him acting weird?” “Isn’t he always weird?” Leaning back on his chair, Scott ponders for a while. He doesn’t want to give away what Kurt had told him – while they had never explicitly stated it, he assumed Kurt would want him to keep it to himself. Though, the pull of gossip is strong. Very strong. With no one else to talk to, he is not even sure of how to think about what Kurt told him. How was he supposed to know he wasn’t reading the situation wrong? Maybe Kurt doesn’t feel romantically connected to Warren at all. Maybe he just feels connected to the boy because of what they went through in Germany?

Though at heart he knows this isn’t true, his conscious mind has already taken the excuse and run with it. He sits forward, all four chair legs on the ground once more, and leans in towards Ororo. Intrigued by the sudden change in Scott, the girl leans in as well, and Scott speaks in a mumble just barely loud enough for her to make out above the professor’s rambling. “I think there’s something going on with him and Kurt.” “What do you mean? Is Warren being a douchebag to him again?” Scott sees a fire ignite in Ororo’s eyes – Kurt gives off a vulnerable vibe at the best of times, and Ororo isn’t the type to hold back from defending any one of her friends, especially those she views as unable or unwilling to do it themselves. “No, no. Not that. I think Kurt’s got a… a thing for Warren.” “A thing? You mean like–?” Scott nods his head once, definitively. “So you think Kurt is–?” “Almost sure of it.” Ororo raises her head, glancing up at the ceiling and pursing her lips as she considers the possibility. And the more she looks back through the sides of Kurt she knows, the more the pieces fall into place. Something about Kurt she just hadn’t been able to put her finger on, something she just assumed had to do with his outer appearance, now made perfect sense to her. “Hm. I think you’re right.” Reassured, Scott decides to let loose the rest of what he knows, taking Ororo through he and Kurt’s talk, the way he had seen Kurt look at Warren, and through the whole recount, the girl seems to agree more and more with Scott’s initial judgement. “So why do you think Kurt’s upset? You think he told Warren and got rejected?” “No, if that had happened, Kurt would be more obviously upset,” Scott says, shaking his head. “Maybe they just had an argument or something.” Ororo shrugs, and before she can formulate a reply, the bell rings, and the discussion is forgotten in the rush to finally escape the classroom.

It is a Friday, and the house is almost empty by evening. The only ones who remain are the younger students who for whatever reason cannot or do not go home to their families for the weekend, those who are still too young to spend time off-campus without a chaperone. It was Jubilee who suggested they go out for dinner to a pizza place at a strip mall near the mansion. It was no surprise she wanted to go out somewhere they could spend money – she had recently landed her first part-time job at the movie theatre on that very same strip mall, and having just received her first paycheck, was eager to find a way to burn through it. As for the others, all those aside from Jean, who earned a bit of money tutoring the kids from the nearby elementary schools, they had their own ways of getting money for the occasional outing, whether it be sent from parents or “borrowing” off someone else in the group. As usual, the night is stolen by the more outspoken members of the group, though everyone seems to find a way to enjoy themselves. At least, everyone except a certain pair who sat silently and picked at their slices of pepperoni or cheese pizza. Kurt tries to laugh along with the others, to keep up the illusion that he doesn’t want to disappear back to his room and abandon the outside world in favour of another book. Warren, meanwhile, gives no effort to concealing his bad mood. He slouches in his chair and every so often casts a very deliberate glare to one of the others, making quite sure they know he is holding a grudge against them for making him come.

Hours pass, scraping by like sandpaper, and finally, they decide to pay their bill and leave. Ororo finds herself glad that Warren chooses to mope so far behind the rest of the group, and slows herself to match his pace as the others stroll along the strip of shops, contemplating whether or not they should stick around to spend some time at the arcade. Before Warren can muster up another scowl to give Ororo for what he assumes is an attempt to stick around and make conversation, she cuts in front of him, forcing him to halt abruptly, a glower of her own adorning her face. “What did you do to Kurt?” she demands, and Warren is so taken aback that he can only blink, mouth ajar, expression vacant. The way she speaks, so certain and direct, his chest thumps, horrified at the thought that Kurt might have spilled everything to her. But no, that doesn’t sound right at all: Kurt isn’t the type to do that. He is the type who keeps his pain to himself, and instead of letting it seep out as anger and pettiness like Warren does, he gathers it up and sweeps it under the rug. Warren begins to wonder how and why he thinks this with such certainty, but the thought is half-formed, and Ororo is speaking again. “Well?” she prompts, sharply. “What did you do that has him acting like this?” “What the hell are you talking about? What’s your damage?” Warren growls, trying to push past her only to be blocked by a strong, solid form and a stare so hard it could cut diamonds. “You know damn well what I’m talking about. Tell me what you did.” “What makes you think it’s any of your business?” Warren snarks. He regrets this immediately when he sees the resulting look on Ororo’s face, and starts to feel a little worried for his life. He now knows just what the others mean when they talk about how messing with anyone Storm cares about is a very bad idea. Just when he finds himself wondering if his wings could provide enough agility to dodge a lightning bolt, he is saved by the sound of Peter’s voice, calling back to them and urging them to keep up. Ororo assures him they will be right there, and the moment Peter’s eyes are off them, whips back around to Warren. “I’ll make this easy for you,” she says. “Apologise. Fix this. And don’t do it again.” With that, the encounter is over, and Warren is left to catch his breath and catch up to the others, now confused as well as moody.

He is still thrown off when they return home after dark, splitting off into singles or pairs and retreating to their rooms. He has felt horrible since saying what he had said to Kurt. The more time that passes, the less angry he feels at Kurt, and the more furious he feels with himself. But he hadn’t planned to say anything. He had resolved to leave it be, believing that Kurt would be better off without any more contact with him at all. But after Ororo’s little ‘talk,’ he begins to consider that talking might be the only way to make Kurt feel better, and the only way to ease his own conscience. That is why, as Kurt passes Warren in the hallway on his way to the bathroom, Warren stops him, voice timid and tentative. “Kurt, can I talk to you?” he attempts, feeling horribly out of his depth. He’d never been on the giving end of the “we need to talk” encounter before. Kurt’s brows furrow, wary of what could be happening. He does not want to repeat what happened a week ago, and yet the look in Warren’s eyes, a sort of weak and watered down version of what might be compassion, causes him to rethink his instinctual ‘no,’ followed by a hasty escape. “I suppose so,” he shrugs, and follows Warren the short distance down the hall and into his room. The window is cracked open just enough to let a small draught wander in, though Kurt can tell he is breathing the same air Warren has been for at least a few days. Time passes, and neither talks, both waiting for the other to start the conversation neither knew how to have. “Look, about the other night…” “Yes?” Kurt asks presently. “Well. When I– you know. It wasn’t what I– I didn’t mean–” It is clear he hopes Kurt will intervene, put him out of the misery of trying to push words out of a mouth that only knows how to be sullen and self-pitying. But Kurt stays stubbornly silent, cynically curious to see if this will lead to anything substantial. Warren sighs, heavily, and hopes that a new lungful of air will make some sort of difference. “I didn’t say what I said to upset you,” he says finally. “I don’t really think that stuff.” The words hit Kurt’s ear roughly, their hollowness reverberating through him, making his heart sink. “Sorry.” And just like that, he is lifted once again. Certainly not too much, not enough to make him soar on the gust of one simple word, dropped awkwardly into an awkward conversation. But nonetheless, the addition of that one little syllable brings a new hope to Kurt: maybe in time, it will grow easier for Warren to do these sorts of things. And, he cannot deny it, he wants to be there to see that happen.

Warren doesn’t know how to feel when he sees Kurt instantly shift at his one word. His shoulders rise, stretching and straightening as though a weight has been lifted from them, and his tail swishes with life. Relief washes over him, the sudden drop in tension making his legs feel a little weak and sending a shiver through his wings, but at the same time, it feels a little too easy. He wonders if he is taking advantage of Kurt’s forgiving nature. If he deserves a second chance with the boy, after months of abuse during his recovery, followed by weeks of apparent improvement only for it to be pulled out from underneath him one week ago. Perhaps he really should just give up and leave the boy be, let him try to find some way to move on from Warren’s pushing and pulling. But something about the buoyant, optimistic look on Kurt’s face makes him sure that he couldn’t stay away. “It’s alright,” Kurt says. “I understand.” Both boys seem lost for a moment, each one drinking in the sensation of having a week’s worth of pent-up tension release with a mere few words. There is still a block there: neither one feels as close to the other as they had that night on the rafters. But right now, this is the best outcome they could get.

Finally, Kurt casts his eyes around the room, noting a few new bottles on the sill and on the floor. Beer, mostly, but he can see the edge of the label of bottle of gin on Warren’s nightstand, and the tall neck of a bottle of vodka on its side in the corner. He hopes the amount that Warren consumes is less than one would first think on entering the room: he has never seen Warren clean his room, and suspects from the thin layer of dust that coats some of the bottles that they may have been there quite a while, a small shrine to the issues Warren has yet to even attempt to think about. “Do you think maybe you should try to cut back on the drinking?” Kurt asks, very wary that this could start the fight all over again. Though thankfully, Warren seems too emotionally drained to be defensive, and instead gives a vague shrug. “It’s fine.” “Are you sure? It’s not a problem? Because if it is, you can get help for it.” “It’s fine. I don’t need help.” Taking the hint, Kurt backs off, nodding. “Alright. I should get to bed, then.” Warren nods in response, and just like before, he does not say “goodnight,” until it sounds forced and disjointed, when Kurt is already halfway out the door. And, just like before, Kurt accepts it, giving a small, tired smile as he looked back over his shoulder at the boy in the room with the empty bottles and the mostly-closed window. “Goodnight, Warren.”

When Kurt slips into bed a few minutes later, teeth brushed and pyjamas on, Peter gives him a quizzical look at his sudden change in attitude: the past few days, he has been dragging himself through his bedtime routines, though tonight the spring is back in his step. “What’re you so happy about?” he asks, one eyebrow raised in suspicion. Kurt lets himself smile for a moment before he reins it in and reduces it to a small quirk of his lips. “It’s nothing,” he assured the boy, shaking his head. Peter shrugs, tossing Kurt a casual “night,” before rolling over and pulling up the covers. Kurt is content as he falls asleep that night. Not ecstatic, not even too happy. Just content. He and Warren have taken a few steps backwards, yes, and he is still unsure whether he wants to continue down this path if it means having to endure this sort of back and forth forever. But all that can wait. For now, he takes solace in the fact that things are better now than they were when he had woken up that morning. And that was really all anyone could ask for from a day, wasn’t it?

#i'm really enjoying writing this #but it's taking over my life #heLP #in his eyes #drabble #nightangel #nightcrawler #kurt wagner #angel #archangel #warren worthington #warren worthington iii #fanfiction #fanfic #x-men #xmen #marvel #comics #x-men apocalypse

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oumakokichi · 7 years

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I'm not sure if you already got this ask from me or not But I was wondering what you thought of tenko and what her relationships with other characters was like, not just himiko. I still love ten I ko just was just wondering on her other relationships cause those are never talked about.

I think Tumblr probably ate the other ask because I couldn’tfind it in my inbox! But I’m always happy to answer this kind of question.

Tenko is wonderful and I really, honestly adore her. Idefinitely agree that although her relationship with Himiko is very central tothe plot and to her character, it’s a shame that it’s kind of the only thingthat gets touched on when talking about her. She’s such a team player and suchan essential protector figure to the whole group that I really don’t think theother characters would have been the same without her. Even after her death, sheleaves an influence on not only Himiko but the others as well, and it’s reallynice to see.

The instinct to sort out her relationships is, of course, tosort them between guys and girls. It’s certainly true of course that Tenko iswary of the guys around her. She considers them the less trustworthy part ofthe group, the people most likely to provide a threat—and to some degree, she’snot wrong, considering the aspects of “masculine” or “male” behavior that shedislikes the most are often aggressiveness, hostility, anger, etc. Ouma andMomota both often get a big seal of disapproval from her, because between Ouma’smanipulative behavior and Momota’s reckless tendency to rely on violence, sheclearly views them as bad influences at times.

She much prefers the company of the other girls, preferringto give them the benefit of the doubt and also trusting most of them enough, especiallyearly on in her first FTEs with Kaede, that she goes so far as to think thekilling game itself wouldn’t provide a threat at all if there were only girlsat Saishuu Academy. Tenko is so much more comfortable around other girls thanaround guys that she very much believes Neo Aikido is a necessary form ofself-defense which can help provide that sort of safe space which she’sinterested in. And of course, she’s the self-sacrificing type, so she constantlyoffers to protect or stand in for the other girls as much as possible.

Still though, this is all mostly from a surface level. Tenkois undeniably wary of and uncomfortable about men with good reason, but she’shardly mean or dismissive of any of them. Her relationship with Saihara isexcellent proof of that. In Chapter 2 when Saihara first begins trying totackle his hesitancy and anxiety about exposing the truth, he puts aside hishat and comes down to meet everyone at the cafeteria. Tenko is one of thenicest and most supportive members of the group of his decision, and from thispoint on she has quite a few really genuinely nice interactions with him.

Having looked up to and admired Kaede herself, she’sextremely understanding of why Saihara liked her so much and why he misses her.Kaede’s absence is felt strongly by the whole group following Chapter 1, but Ithink it’s felt perhaps the most strongly by figures who admired her drive toend the killing game and her urge to protect everyone. Tenko certainly fits thebill for this: regardless of her distrust for the guys in their group, it’s anundeniable fact that she wants to protect each and every single one of themfrom actual harm.

She’s still wary of Saihara and even of the other lessaggressive or hostile boys in the group, of course, but it’s always to thepoint of confirming that she and the other girls are safe, that there’s no onewho would harass them or peek in on them or do anything obscene oruntrustworthy. When it comes to their actual feelings or troubles, she’s alwaysfairly understanding and generous with her time.

In Chapter 3 when her SHSL research lab opens up, sheactually wants to help both Himiko andSaihara confront their personal weaknesses. With Himiko, her biggest flaw isher laziness, but with Saihara, she wants him to tackle his insecurity, and she(hilariously) uses her aikido throws in order to help set them on this path.This “training” to confront one’s own weak points is something that sticksaround even after her death, as Himiko, Gonta, and Saihara in Chapter 4 verymuch honor Tenko’s memory by continuing to practice in her research lab inorder to get stronger.

Tenko is certainly someone who values the lives of the grouparound her, despite the misconception the fandom had at first that she would besomeone extremely cruel or uncaring to the boys. But I think it’s prettyevident from her horrified reactions to Amami and Ryouma’s deaths that she undeniablycared quite a lot about keeping everyone safe.

Death, pain, and suffering were things she was extremelyaverse to no matter who they were affecting—which would sound like an obviouscomment that could apply to anyone, except there’s so much in ndrv3 about manyof the characters not valuing human lives the way they should unless itbenefits them. The fact that Tenko was so open and honest and wore her feelingsabout these kinds of things on her sleeve is actually quite refreshing incomparison to how many characters claim to be open and honest but actually hadquite a few secrets they were hiding or things they were lying to themselves orthe rest of the group about.

Also, just as Tenko’s interactions with characters likeSaihara and even Kiibo are interesting, because she clearly views them aspotential friends and acquaintances despite not letting her guard downentirely, her interactions with Angie are extremely interesting from the girls’side of things. Tenko begins the game with an inclination to believe the bestof all her fellow girls, but I think her conflict with Angie did open her eyesin a lot of ways.

She still clearly cares about Angie as an individual anddoesn’t believe the worst of her even when it becomes clear that Angie is goingon a pretty strong power trip in Chapter 3. Angie’s death upsets her just asany of the other deaths do, and even in the midst of the whole ReligiousStudent Council conflict, Tenko recognizes that Angie’s not doing bad thingsintentionally per se—she’s actually quite frightening because she’s a genuine,true believer in her religion and her fanaticism is extremely risky in the effectsit might have on Himiko or the other student council members.

But seeing Angie’s willingness to throw other people (namelyHimiko) under the bus firsthand in Chapter 2 was quite a shock for someone likeTenko, who’s so loyal to the core and would never do anything of the sort.After having envied Angie’s ability to become friends with Himiko so easily,the idea that Angie would just toss aside that friendship in order to saveherself and act as though it played no part in the trial or meant nothing toher was something that went against her entire core beliefs.

Like Momota, Kaede, and Gonta, Tenko is someone who admiresbelief in other people above all else. Even when things get hard, even when allthe evidence says otherwise, she’s very much the kind of person who wants tobelieve in the people she admires, trusts, and respects no matter what happens.And unlike those three, Tenko is particularly interesting because to somedegree, she actually does recognize that blind faith isn’t necessarily alwaysthe best course of action. It’s not a smart decision or a very practical one.

But still, she wants to believe according to what she wants. To a slight extent, she doesdo the “doubting others in order to get to know them first”—because she can acknowledgethat trusting wholeheartedly isn’t perhaps the smartest choice of action but it’sstill something she consciously made the decision to do.

Angie’s self-serving nature and tendency to jump ship assoon as the situation isn’t serving her purposes was something Tenko really didnot like, and it showed. She joined Angie’s student council in Chapter 3 onlyto keep an eye on Himiko and make sure that a similar situation to Chapter 2couldn’t happen again, but the two of them continued to butt heads quite a lot.Angie’s decision to “resurrect” Amami as per the motive the Monokumerz gavethem, her refusal to listen to any arguments against this, and the fact thatshe just put herself in charge without really needing or requiring anyone else’sapproval meant that Tenko argued with her quite a lot—something that I thinkactually bothered Himiko a lot more than it bothered Angie.

To summarize, Tenko’s relationships with the group oftencenter around her trying to put herself as a sort of protector figure. Many ofthem are interesting because for the most part, she is someone who is willingto reevaluate her opinion of people if proof of their trustworthiness (oruntrustworthiness) presents itself. And in spite of her seemingly extreme orexaggerated reactions, she’s actually incredibly fair and objective when pushgets to shove.

Her wariness of the boys in the group is extremelyunderstandable given her aversion to any physical contact with men and the factthat she’s so fixated on self-defense—and her blind trust in many of the girlsin her group is actually addressed with characters like Angie, where even Tenkocan’t help but revise her opinion when she feels that Angie is clearly justusing Himiko for her own purposes.

I love Tenko a lot, so thank you so much for asking me abouther! She’s great and I’m still so glad that she’s been much better received bythe fandom ever since the game launched. I still wish she hadn’t died at all,but I’m glad that at least her death had a very real and lasting impact onHimiko and even the other characters throughout the rest of the game. Again,thank you for asking!

#ndrv3 #drv3 #new danganronpa v3 #tenko chabashira #chabashira tenko #ndrv3 spoilers //#my meta #okay to reblog #thegrimbookcat

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mageliberation · 8 years

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29 Days: What is your Ryder’s name? Why did you pick this name - is there a meaning or origin story behind it? Do they go by any nicknames? What would you name their sibling, father and mother if you were able to choose?

I’ve decided to go with Imani for my default Ryder. Imani is Swahili for Faith/Trust/Confidence. I chose this because I thought it was appropriate for someone who’s had the kind of life Pop!Ryder has had, along with what we know of the kind of future the Twin!Ryders will be pursuing, to have it be something that relayed a faith in humanity and the good we can achieve/strive for. Her middle name is Brei and her family [and exes], call her Brei or Brei Brei. I like the idea of Mama!Ryder being just as tough but way more playful than Pop!Ryder so I’d name Bro!Ryder Amani and her Khadija probably.

28 Days: Are you going to use the default appearance or create a custom Ryder? If custom, describe your Ryder’s physical appearance (hair color, eye color, skin color, height, weight, facial features, any scars or tattoos, racial origin, etc). If you have art and/or a face-claim, feel free to add them here.

If I have a choice I never play as a White person so I’ll def be changing the appearance of literally all of my Ryders. Imani is 6′2, has very dark Black skin, Brown Eyes, a runner's kind of lean muscle build, prominent cheekbones, deep dimples, stretch marks around her major joints from being an underweight child who grew into a hardy youth, straight white teeth, and keeps her hair in short finger coils with buzzed sides. She has some geometric blackwork tattoos reminiscent of Kente Cloth to harken back to her roots [African-American/Black]. Basically she looks like a darker version of Teyonah Parris, with Angela Bassett’s cheekbones, and dimples.

27 Days: Are you going to use the default appearance for Ryder’s sibling or customize them? Describe your ideas for their sibling’s and father’s physical appearance.

Um, no. Lmao, I would never. The Bro!Ryder for my default Ryder, I’d call him Amani] looks like a mix of Broderick Hunter and Adonis Bosso in my head. Dad!Ryder looks like a less fine Tyson Beckford. Mom Ryder prolly looks like a mix or Naomi Campbell and Tika Sumpter.

26 Days: Do you have a specific class profile or mix of class profiles in mind for Ryder?

I like playing as a Sniper Soldier. Idk how that’s fit with the new system but yeah that’s what I’m going with.

25 Days: Describe Ryder’s favorite combat style. Bioware call Peebee a “gunslinger” and describe Liam as a “close-range fighter” - how would you describe Ryder’s combat role/strengths? What are some of their favorite biotic/tech/other abilities?

I’d say Imani is a Long-Range specialist with Brawler capabilities. I’d say she likes the “One Man, One Bullet” Rule or if that’s not enough/effective she shoots from a distance to weaken shields enough to get in close for a melee finisher. The Omniblade, whether in melee or as a projectile is her favorite ability.

24 Days: Which squadmates do you think will best compliment Ryder’s combat style? Alternatively, who do you plan to take out most in the field?

I’ll probably take Liam out the most since I want to romance him but really I won’t know until I play since I like to have a relatively balanced party. Maybe Jaal if he/they have biotics? Or Vetra and Cora since I love the idea of an all female squad and I kind of want to romance Cora w/ a Sis!Ryder even though I hate her haircut/color combo. I like muscular girls.

23 Days: Which weapons or category of weapons will Ryder prefer? Describe their favorite loadout.

Snipers and Assault rifles for sure are her preferred weapons of choice. Black Widow, Modded Assault Rifle, doesn’t matter for other two since she rarley ever uses them.

22 Days: Will Ryder craft? What are you most excited about crafting? Do you have any names in mind already for weapons?

She’ll def be crafting. I’m a little bit of an achievement hunter after I’ve beaten a game once. I’ll prob be focusing on ship and weapons upgrades my first go round since those are the ones I like the most.

21 Days: What are Ryder’s personality traits? Describe 5 strengths and 5 flaws.

Strength

1) Passionate - Imani feels deeply and expresses just as strongly.

2) Determined - She’s slow to get started but once decided it is very hard to sway her from whatever goal she’s set or decision she’s made.

3) Charming - She likes schmoozing and making people feel good about themselves and convincing others to see things her way.

4) Intelligent - Sharp all around she loves learning new things and listening to people talk about things they are knowledgeable about.

5) Compassionate - As a deeply empathetic person she feels deeply for others and will sacrifice for those around her.

Flaws

1) Divisive - Imani has strong opinions on a lot of things and can be dismissive of opinions she finds to be uninformed or positions she finds reprehensible, along with the people holding them.

2) Neurotic - She procrastinates until she doesn’t, and then she obsesses and goes through mood shifts based on her perception of her choices and their results.

3) Obnoxious - Some find her to be “too much” or “too big” of a personality and if they do she’s quick to let them know exactly which part of her they can kiss.

4) Self-Righteous - Imani can admit that she’s wrong, on the rare occasion that she is, anyway.

5) Needy - She has always sought out the approval of those she cares about and who she admires, many times to the extent that it was a detriment ot her own well being.

20 Days: What first impressions does Ryder tend to give people? Do they have any ‘odd’ or specific mannerisms, habits or other quirks? How do they present and carry themselves?

Imani’s the kind of person that has such a big personality, in her speaking cadence, tonation, and content of what she’s saying, that people end up liking her partially because they actively want to. Reciprocal liking has been a major player in all of her relationships outside her family.

19 Days: Where would Ryder fall in the classic Paragon/Renegade morality system? What would their D&D alignment be? If you know their personality type in any personality typing systems (such as MBTI and Enneagram - you can find various type descriptions and tests using Google), feel free to add and discuss them here.

In the classic system I’d say she’d be a Paragon. In D&D she’d be Chaotic Good for sure. Malcolm X is one of her history heros. She believes in doing whatever is necessary and is a staunch opponent of the idea that violence against one’s oppressor is “just as bad” or “stooping to their level”. Seriously, you might have to catch her on the corner if you said that shit in her presence, or at the very least expect a verbal drop kick. Space Socialist, tbh.

18 Days: What qualities does Ryder like and dislike in other people? Are there any things they particularly appreciate or can’t stand?

Imani likes people who are giving and humble. She especially appreciates people who complement her ostentatiousness with quiet contemplation or careful word choosing. Both of her exes were the the somewhat stoic at first meeting but gold hearted and secretly funny once they warmed to you type. She doesn’t like people who are mean for fun or who are judgmental about material things. She can’t stand people chewing with their mouth open or who leave their hair all over the place in the bathroom [her ex-girlfriend]. She loves people who don’t mind doing dishes and who have tongue rings [both her ex-bf and gf for the last bit].

17 Days: List some of Ryder’s favorite things - colors, food, music, etc. Is there anything of this nature that they hate? Do they have any hobbies or skills outside of combat?

She hates tomatoes on burgers or in an unaltered state. She loves ceviche, salsa, and onions in general. Her favorite music is “Classical” [90s Earth American R&B] and she loves eating and cooking food as a hobby. Her main hobby is future Dungeons & Dragons. Her favorite colors are Black, Navy Blue, Pastel Yellow, Pastel Blue, Pastel Purple, Mint and White. She likes solid gold statement jewelry despite not wearing it much.

16 Days: How would Ryder define their sexuality?

She’s Bisexual.

15 Days: Delve into the Ryder family background - how is/was their relationship with their father, sibling and mother? Do they get along, hero worship, close twin connection, sibling rivalry, was it strained, was it distant, etc.

Imani’s relationship with her father has always been strained, honestly. He’s never given her praise without using the next breath to cut her down. His expectations have always been just high enough that they are nearly out of her reach until she gets close and he moves the goalpost. She and her brother have always been best friends and he often complained that she was bossy as a child despite doing as she asked anyways, mostly to tease her. Their mother was definitely the preferred parent for both twins. She was often stern but warm and encouraging at the same time. Even if she had similar expectations she never made the twins feel like she didn’t believe they couldn’t achieve them or that even if they didn’t she’d think any less of them.

14 Days: Describe some important or formative events in Ryder’s history. How did these impact and shape them?

The visit to their mother’s home on Earth was a formative experience for both twins but especially for Imani. The idea that her mother could come from such a harsh reality and still end up being such a giving and compassionate person amazed her in her youth and made her want to do her best to grow into the kind of person her mother would respect even if they weren’t related. The second big formative event in her life was the loss of her ex-boyfriend, med student and first love, who was killed while doing medical volunteer work on a backwater frontier planet by Batarian slavers. They’d been together through university and had talked of marriage and a future together and the sudden loss has left her with lingering issues with abandonment and co-dependency. Which made her most recent formative experience of her latest long term romance with her girlfriend, a linguistic conservationist, who refused her ticket into the Andromeda Initiative especially devastating for her.

13 Days: Why did Ryder join the Alliance military? Later on, what were Ryder’s reasons for signing up to the Andromeda Initiative? Were they seeking adventure (or glory, or a challenge), wanting a new start, running from something, following their family, trying to secure a future for humanity, did they simply feel railroaded into it, etc.

Imani joined the Alliance first and foremost because they would pay for her education. The Andromeda Initiative seemed to her like the opportunity to become the kind of space fairing coalition of races she’d glimpsed in her adolescent marathoning of the Old Earth vids “Star Trek”. The idea of being parted from her brother for the rest of her life being a loss she couldn’t accept only added to her determination to join up.

12 Days: How will Ryder feel upon waking up from cryo? Relieved, excited, scared, impatient to get going, lost, etc.

I think Imani will be both relieved and terrified. She realizes what a big undertaking trying to start fresh is and how many peoples hopes, wishes, futures, and dreams are firmly settled on her shoulders to actuate.

11 Days: Once in Andromeda, what are Ryder’s goals? What drives them?

Ryder wants to do exactly as the Andromeda Initiative has stated, in that she wants to find a new home for humanity and the other citadel races. Not only that but she wants this new home to be that aspirational City on A Hill. A true beacon of civilization in its equity, fairness, and compassion for all it’s citizens. Her goals are to do whatever is necessary to make that real.

10 Days: Will Ryder ever miss the Milky Way? What things and places will they miss most?

Ryder may have grew up on ships and space station but she’s an Earther at heart. She will always miss her home planet, that little ancestral home that her mother’s mother worked herself to the bone for, in that place that their ancestors were brought to, and the sound of the wind in the trees surrounding it at night. The burial ground of what she’d thought would one day be her future. The soft yellow of the sheets of the one who made her believe she could have one again. Also, craving for genuine Belizean food at that place near 38th street will probably plague her for the rest of her days.

9 Days: Did Ryder have any notable friends or connections in the Milky Way? How about past relationships? Which friendship or relationship was the most significant to them?

She had many friends whom her heart will always ache for the want of their presence but none she could've said no to her posting for. Her ex-girlfriend, Mya, was alive and well when she left her, if heartbroken and handling it better than Imani. Their relationship had not been new but had not been as old as the one before it. Still they’d talked of a future together, or marriage, or a life shared.

8 Days: How does Ryder feel about aliens? Are they uncomfortable, wary, intrigued, curious, intimidated, not bothered, etc? In the Milky Way, where did they stand on humanity’s place in galactic society - Earth first, Terra Firma, human superiority, peaceful cooperation, pro-galactic integration & unity, etc? How will they feel upon discovering that there are sentient alien races in Andromeda?

Ryder generally feels that aliens are “people” in that their varied cultures and customs cannot be generalized as all good or all bad just as she would hope they would feel about humanity. Batarians in general are a sore spot for her though as most of their cultures venerate practices that her own ancestors fought to be free from and are still to this day dealing with the repercussions of. Which doesn’t even touch on the whole “Batarians killed one of the loves of my life” bit. Imani is a Unitarian and believed, similar to the Asari, that co-operation and unification of space fairing races was the best solution for extended peace and prosperity for all parties. Of course she is also still a socialist and didn’t think that the continuation of Capitalism as a Socio-Economic system in the continually advancing and already hyper advanced society they lived in was wise or sustainable for said goals of extended peace or prosperity.

7 Days: Ryder’s father gave the twins informal N7 training in the past. How did Ryder feel about this (pressured, resentful, grateful, motivated, overworked, excited, etc)? What are their feelings on “N7” as a symbol? How do they relate to it, if at all?

Imani felt pressured into the training and was thus resentful of it despite feeling at the end of it that she was better prepared for what may come in the future of her career/life in general. Shepard was a mixed bag of inspiration for Imani growing up as she has always had a mixed set emotions about herself and those who serve in military arms of governments whatever their species. She could do without the propaganda of The Alliance and it’s Elite N7 program even though she can appreciate the good the Alliance has done/is doing. She refuses to allow Nationalism/Specieism/etc to cloud her vision from the realities of the atrocities that said arms have also taken part in/co-signed or in her own place as a potential participant.

#mea #Mass Effect 4 #mass effect andromeda #meacountdown

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b-listbadboy · 8 years

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Responding to negative criticism (A better way)

http://alexlayer.tumblr.com/post/156713684692/httpsb-listbadboytumblrcompost156712441719m

[I wanna start this off by saying that I personally apologize to @dashingicecream. Even though I hate the way she handled a very simple situation, that does not excuse me for going about responding to it like I did. In my eyes, she is still wrong for what she did and I personally would like for her to apologize to @botmj. But I’m just as bad for acting like a bit of a dick in my “Message to Dash” post. And for that, I regret my ignorant tone.

I hope she can forgive me for being overly aggressive. And if she does decide to block and ignore me, then I completely understand and respect her decision.]

However, I’m gonna have to disagree with you @alexlayer. And that’s not to say that you don’t bring up some good points, cause you do. But, I still have to disagree with you.

Why don’t we go through what you responded, piece by piece, to see exactly what I do and don’t agree with you on.

1. “What do you think she meant when she spoke about people thinking themselves “super edgy and unique” when shipping Straight Ships? There are actual shippers out there that think they can capitalize in the underdog reputation that the LGBT community has earned. You know, the admirable endurance to subsist over the years under discrimination, unrecognized rights and marginalization just because of their sexuality, sexual identity, lack thereof of either or both, or any combination of those. Those are real trials that these people have endured, and now some shippers act like they’re just the same because they’re the “underdog” in shipping straight ships in fandoms where LGBT ships are predominant, and act like they’re edgy or rebelliously defiant because of it.”

Right off the bat, there seems to be some confusion. Lets clear this up. I don’t have a problem with her saying that people are stupid for thinking they’re edgy and cool just by shipping straight couples in a, quote, “LGBT Predominate” series. Even though that probably might not the case for some who do ship straight ships.

I have a problem with her labeling all straight people in an ignorant way, and then immediately dismissing any criticism for it. I’d probably never would have said anything if she had responded to @sjelenkain and @botmj comments in a well mannered way. But, she didn’t. She instead makes a big deal out of it just to hype herself up by posting these really unnecessary follow ups. Saying things like, “If you don’t like it! then block me! You wont be missed! I never claimed myself to be perfect!” Only after she immediately blocked @sjelenkain for commenting. Not even letting him have the choice to unfollow and block her. Sorry to say, but that kinda attitude honestly seems pretty childish to me.

Dash didn’t have to agree with what they said at all. And she fully has the right to block whoever she wants. But she can’t then complain about getting criticism after posting something divisive to a specific group of people. And afterwards be extremely rude to an ask that was only trying to find a middle ground between the two. That’s not how you should go about people giving you their opinion. No matter how much you don’t agree. Cause meeting negative actions with negative re-actions is never gonna get anyone anywhere close to finding a proper solution. (Something that I wish our current US president would realize.)

And again, I’m just as much of a hypocrite for doing the exact same thing. But, look at what I’m doing right now. I’m admitting my faults and taking full responsibility for my words. If I, a smaller sized blog, am willing to accept my actions and apologize for it, why can’t she?

Regardless, let’s move on.

2. And if that sounds ridiculous, it’s because IT FUCKING IS and Dash was just COMMENTING on it. Offhandedly and sarcastically, maybe, but she didn’t even through any insults or any of the sort. But of course, some entitled fucktoy went and got offended, as if a comment like that was the same as the government denying you the rights to love your loved ones, or wanting to pass a law that makes it legal for you to get electrocuted in order to “correct” your sexuality, and so one threw the first stone, and since the first one had been thrown, others followed suit, with you – @b-listbadboy – now throwing the biggest one because hey, now it’s cool to pick on her, huh?

You’re not necessarily wrong here. I did come off as a bit of a hateful “fucktoy” in my message and I, again, apologize for that. I let what was happening to me in my personal life influence how I think and write when seeing what Dash was doing. For that I am completely at fault. Even with the personal b/s that was going on with me IRL, its still no excuse for me to take it out on someone else entirely.

However lets talk about this whole “The Straights” thing that Dash said.

I know it was meant as a off handed sarcastic joke. But Just because Dash meant it to be a joke and wasn’t necessarily bashing anyone, doesn’t mean its OK to just ignore it and love her unconditionally. Saying that label, In my personal opinion, is a perfect way to accidentally cause a rift in your followers. Those who are “The Straights”, and those who aren’t. It gives off the impression that people who are straight or ship straight aren’t welcomed to her blog.

And I know she most likely didn’t intend for that, because she herself ships straight couples in a “LGBT Predominate” series. It was Sunflowyr (Yang x Ren) before, now its Strawberry Banana (Sun x Ruby).

You can joke about literally anything, as long as you make it clear that its all meant to be a joke and its only purpose was for fun. That’s what I believe Dash failed to do. If she did, there would literally be no need to overreact on @sjelenkain critique. Speaking of which…

3. And for the record, calling a person childish is NOT “genuine criticism”, and none of that people made Dash who she is today. She’s who she is thanks to her inspired art and her relentless will to draw what she likes, not because of someone adding +1 to her followers or count of likes. And she’s all the more amazing for enduring and sticking to her guns when even fellow LGBT shippers want her to stop drawing her OTP and instead switching to the more popular ships like White Rose and Bumblebee. Fuck it all, she’s already got more than enough shit to deal by herself like to have now people trying to act like she’s this toxic influence in the fandom. All of you are nothing but entitled bullies that need to shut their mouths and pick something better to do with their time to pick on the first person they come across to pick at and act like you’re delivering righteous justice, when all you’re doing is being a bunch of entitled assholes.

Sorry, but I have to strongly disagree….and agree as well? Let me explain.

His comment, while not being the best crafted or even the exact words I would’ve chosen, is legitimate criticism. Negative criticism, but still criticism none the less. I understand how she felt hurt by his comments, and I’m not blaming her for feeling that way. What I am blaming her for is claiming that he needs to unfollow her when she blocked him and took away his choice to even consider doing so. That, I believe is very hypocritical of her. But, I do get why and its not completely her fault.

And as for her sticking to her guns by not giving in to the hordes of demands by White Rose and Bumblebee shippers….yeah you’re absolutely right. Dash is commendable for enduring that kind of overbearing bullcrap that I often do see in the FNDM. I should know, shipping a rarepair like Knightshade (Jaune x Blake) can come with some backlash.

Something else I kinda agree and also don’t agree with you on is that the followers “made” Dash. Now, admittedly, I really could’ve used a better way of phrasing it. So instead of saying that the followers “made” her, lets say they “brought her up”.

I am almost 100% positive that Dash wouldn’t be doing what she does if no one supported or followed her. Especially if she is getting the amount of hate that you and Dash are both claiming. And, y’know what? Being encouraged by the reward of getting more followers isn’t necessarily a demonizing thing! Its almost completely natural on social media and its not something to fault her or really anyone on. I most certainly get excited to see people follow me and don’t see any shame in saying so. And looking back at dash before she was really any level of big that she is now, you can clearly she that not only her art but also her personality and influence has changed.

So, yes, I do think the followers brought her up as who she is now. Its most certainly not the only thing, but it is a big chunk. And again, its nothing to be ashamed about! However, its something that needs to be taken in consideration when posting anything on a public place like tumblr. A lot of people, like you @alexlayer (and believe it or not, myself included.), really look up to her and hold her to a high standard. So when she post something rude and divisive about a specific group of people, if that group of people have been following and supporting her since the begging and see that, they’ll definitely feel betrayed and offended. And they will for sure express that to her.

Final thing I wanna say before ending this post is that like you and I, @dashingicecream is human. And humans make mistakes all the time. But what makes those mistakes OK to make, is when we can see where we were wrong, and apologize for it. I’m not asking for her to change anything about herself at all. And once again, I do apologize for making my original post seem that way. But, I would love for her to at least apologize to @botmj, if anyone at all. I hope you understand where I’m coming from now that I’ve cleared it up better for you all reading this. And even though typing all of this for two days has been exhausting as FUCK, I believe it was worth it.

Thank you for taking your time to listen to what I have to say, and I hope something like this never gets blown out of improper proportions ever again.

@dashingicecream

@alexlayer

#real talk #responding to criticism #dashingicecream

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peppersandcats · 8 years

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Pipebombe

Hey, anon! Sorry this took so long. For the response to the ship meme, my thoughts on Pipebomb, and a mini-proposal-dialogue-drabble!

who is more likely to hurt the other?

Emotionally, Axel. He means well, and he has been explicit about being aromantic so that’s not even a source of confusion, but his most significant and long-lasting relationship was primarily by letter (not even email), which is by definition a medium which allows for careful picking of words and at least two days to think about things between exchanges. He hasn’t had as much practice with on-the-fly interactions with someone he cares about, certainly not when there isn’t an overriding grand plan governing his actions, and there is a lot of inadvertant trampling.

Physically, neither is very likely. If I had to pick, I’d bet on Hartley; he’s fairly controlled about it, but he’s the one we’ve seen lash out on his own initiative. I’m not saying it’d necessarily be effective unless he caught Axel by surprise, but I think he’s more likely to try.

who is emotionally stronger?

This is probably a good time to establish two things; first, that I am running primarily off the TV versions of the characters, and second, that strength does not necessarily manifest in a positive way. I don’t have a lot to go on, and what I do have is thin in terms of points of comparison, so I’m judging in terms of how self-possessed they are in unpleasant situations.

I’m not giving Axel as many points for not flinching around Jesse as I’d give someone else–Jesse is legitimately terrifying, but I think their relationship precludes Axel considering him as a threat–but I will note that he never seems to go off his stride, and I don’t want to assume that the things he does are necessarily easy for him to do just because we don’t see him flinching while he does them. I believe his devotion to Jesse is what prompts him, but that doesn’t mean the devotion is easy to follow through on.

That said, I’m going to give this one to Hartley, because staying calm and executing your own plan while you’ve put yourself in a poisonously small prison cell where an evil speedster could kill you as you are in the process of irritating him holy crap. But it’s potentially really close.

who is physically stronger?

Axel. Not by as much as Hartley thinks, though.

who is more likely to break a bone?

This one’s pretty close to a tie. Axel’s more likely to get into a physical situation where it’d happen, but I think he’s also likely to handle himself better in one.

(I do think Hartley’s had some training in how to fight–grabbing someone’s foot when they try to kick you and successfully flipping them is not a layman’s trick–but looking at what happened with Cisco, he seems to try to get out of the fight as quickly as possible, and I suspect he might misjudge how down his opponent is and turn his back on them.)

who knows best what to say to upset the other?

Possibly surprisingly, this one goes to Axel. Hartley does pay a lot of attention and has had a lot of practice figuring out how to needle people, but Axel just doesn’t care about most of the things that usually work and there’s a learning curve. Axel, on the other hand, has also had a great deal of practice being really annoying, and much as Hartley is used to dismissing jibes from people he doesn’t care about, he isn’t very good at setting aside ones from people he does care about.

They both know each other’s particular soft spots; James Jesse for Axel, Wells and the Rathaways for Hartley. Neither of them goes there casually, but Axel’s a little more willing to cross that line than Hartley.

Finally, Axel is remarkably good at upsetting Hartley without knowing that he’s going to. Lines like “Why the hell’d you come out to your parents? No way am I the only guy who’d fuck you without needing to meet them,” and “Wait, your boss meant for the particle accelerator to blow up and you helped? Best prank of 2013!” have not, historically, gone over well.

who is most likely to apologise first after an argument?

After an argument, Hartley. It’s not very necessary, since Axel is largely pretty indifferent to people thinking he’s doing something wrong, but he doesn’t object.

After a fight–here defined as actually getting angry rather than just disagreeing, if that makes sense–Axel gets upset first and tries to smooth it over. Unfortunately his tactic of trying to convince people that “it wasn’t that bad and you don’t need to freak out” is not generally one that works on Hartley.

who treats whose wounds more often?

Hartley treats Axel’s more often. Axel’ll take care of himself unless Hartley volunteers or he literally can’t manage it himself, but Hartley likes knowing that something’s been done properly and actually does volunteer.

Axel doesn’t mind helping Hartley if Hartley asks, but if something looks bad enough for him to get involved without being asked he is much more likely to yell for Boo and then follow her instructions than he is to take care of it himself.

who is in constant need of comfort?

It’s not constant, but Hartley’s a lot more prone to needing it.

who gets more jealous?

Hartley. He doesn’t cope with it well, because he doesn’t acknowledge it, because jealousy would be irrational and he feels like he’s agreed that that’s not what’s going to happen. It leaves him feeling angry and off, and occasionally gives him tension headaches. It’s not a constant, though.

who’s most likely to walk out on the other?

Axel. It’s not a common occurrence, but there have been a few times that he’s been really upset, and then he decides it’s best if they aren’t around each other. Hartley is not a fan of these unilateral decisions. Axel lets Hartley complain about it after he comes back.

who will propose?

I’m not sure I can really see this, but:

“Pipes.”

“’m sleeping.”

“Hey, Pipes.”

“Dear god I’m sleeping.”

“You think we’ll get caught?”

“If we make mistakes because we’re tired.”

“Yeah, I guess. Everyone’d blame me, though.”

“…really.”“

You came up with a big chunk of the idea. But… you know. ‘Cause of the glitter in the bomb and the glue spray. People’re gonna blame me.”

“Is you getting the attention a problem?”

“No. No. I just thought… If we both get caught I figured out how they couldn’t make you testify about anything I did.”

“That seems weirdly specific.”

“I thought you liked planning for things. Anyway, you ever heard of spousal privilege?”

“…”

“Pipes?”

“This is a dream, right?”

who has the most difficult parents?

…seriously? *cracks knuckles* Alright then.

(First, to make something clear: while I am entirely willing to believe that tv!James Jesse is not Axel’s biological father (for reasons outlined here and also I do not trust him), I don’t think that’s an issue. Jesse’s claimed to be his father, Axel’s accepted it, and regardless of the outcome of the specific interpersonal dynamics I am fundamentally respecting the acceptance. If Barry can have two or three dads, Axel can certainly have at least one.)

(Furthermore, while I’ve got no indication one way or the other about Axel’s mother, I see no reason from either the show or what I’ve read of the comics to assume she was difficult. I have headcanons, but they don’t apply to this question.)

What I’m going to go with is that Hartley’s parents do more to cause him pain, but Axel’s interaction with his dad does more to subsume and hurt him. I’m not saying Axel would have been well-adjusted without Jesse, but I am saying that devoting himself that utterly to a parent who had him dropping bombs on small children is likely to really limit his ability to develop healthy boundaries and independent interests.

who initiates hand-holding when they’re out in public?

Hartley. Axel’s a lot more prone to touching, but doesn’t usually hold hands; he’s a lot more likely to put one or both arms around Hartley, or put one hand on Hartley’s shoulder or the back of his neck, and he’ll usually pull his hand free so he can do that if Hartley does start holding hands.who comes up for the other all the time?

Still not entirely sure of the phrasing, but if I should be reading this to mean “goes out of their way to approach the other”, it’s more often Axel. (He has made it explicitly clear that he’s not interested in being the only one who initiates either sex or one-on-one interaction, though.)

who hogs the blankets?

Hartley hogs the blankets more often, but then Axel either curls up closer to him and gets under them as well or pulls them back before curling up closer to him. The latter is more of a case of “I get to pile the blankets on top of us” and less “these are mine not yours”.

who gets more sad?

When it hits, Axel.

who is better at cheering the other up?

Axel. He knows how to get reactions out of people. He likes getting reactions out of people. And Hartley is both invested in him and generally curious, which means that all Axel needs is a little hook and he can usually get Hartley paying enough attention that it’s possible to start shifting his mood. Plus while Hartley is more snarky and standoffish than many, his need for comfort isn’t particularly unusual, and hugs are surprisingly effective. (In the circumstances I’m writing him in, I strongly suspect he’s a little touch-starved.)

Hartley isn’t nearly as good at making people happier (manipulating them to choose a course of action, yes; manipulating them to feel better, not so much), but he generally manages to at least be reassuring. Also, Axel can tell when Hartley’s trying to cheer him up, and the fact that Hartley bothers occasionally makes him feel better in and of itself. Not a lot of people go out of their way to try to cheer Axel up.

who’s the one that playfully slaps the other all the time after they make silly jokes?

Not all the time, but Hartley does it occasionally. Axel counts it as a victory when it happens.

Axel doesn’t swat Hartley when Hartley makes jokes–as I’ve mentioned before, a lot of people miss it when Hartley makes jokes–but he does occasionally do it when Hartley says something that he thinks is absurd.

who is more streetwise?

Axel.who is more wise?

Generally, Hartley. Axel’s better at letting bygones be bygones, though, and accepting that you cannot change some things.

who’s the shyest?

As @notsolittlegirlevenmorelost once said, Axel Walker did not become the Trickster because he wants to avoid being the focus of attention.

This one goes to Hartley, although it’s less a case of him being generally closed off and more a case of there being entire firework displays that are shyer than Axel Walker. I am willing to bet Mark “I am a GOD!” Mardon has days when he is shyer than Axel Walker. It’s just a thing.

who boasts about the other more?

Axel. Not always loudly, just with much less of a “that was a casual question about my weekend, maybe they just want an ‘oh, fine, you?’ sort of answer” filter than Hartley would like.

who sits on whose lap?

Hartley sits on Axel’s lap occasionally, but Axel uses Hartley’s lap as a pillow more often than that. He thinks it’s great; he can lie down on the couch and watch a movie without getting a crick in his neck and Pipes can just read whatever he’s reading and pretend to be ignoring the movie. He’s also more likely to sprawl out and hook a leg over Hartley’s lap if they’re sitting side-by-side on a couch or something.

#ask meme response #axel walker #hartley rathaway #pipebomb #my headcanons #anon asks

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type2diabetestreatments-blog · 8 years

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Backlash on Insulin Pump Hacking, Safety Issues

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Backlash on Insulin Pump Hacking, Safety Issues

When the insulin pump hacking story first broke two weeks ago, we viewed it mostly as a publicity stunt. But it's had some interesting repercussions. Notably, two congressman have stepped up and requested that the Government Accountability Office (GAO) review the Federal Communications Commission's approach to medical devices with wireless capabilities to ensure that the devices are "safe, reliable, and secure." Well, that seems like good news...

The hullabaloo was enough for instigator Jay Radcliffe, computer security expert and type 1 PWD, to hold a follow-up webinar last Thursday. Below is a synopsis of Allison's notes from that event:

* As of last Thursday, the manufacturer of the pump Jay hacked into has been revealed to be Medtronic Minimed.

* His reasoning and motivation for doing the hack? Jay claims he was inspired by the story of two men hacking into a city parking meter in San Francisco a few years ago. The city was forced to re-evaluate security measures for the meters. Jay apparently "had the same thing in mind" when he hacked into his own insulin pump. He says he wanted to help the companies by showing their "security vulnerabilities."

* Reactions to Jay's original presentation have run the gamut, but the most telling to Jay so far was that from Medtronic itself. The company largely dismissed the notion of any potential risks. That's why Jay decided to go public with the manufacturer's name, he says. "Blowing me off is not an ethical response."

The upshot of this is that he seems to be in a bit of a pissing match with the company — or at least a "he says, she says" situation in which the truth probably lies somewhere inbetween:

* Jay explains: "The Electronic Frontier Foundation and I worked a lot on this issue. Quite often in the security community we will raise an issue without contacting a vendor. Companies that are not current with security issues often will try and litigate to prevent research from coming to light. It's easy to bury legitimate research from an individual in a mountain of legal paperwork. The answer to that is ethical disclosure... Usually the company is appreciative of this gesture, and fixes the problem without having public scrutiny or pressure to rush thing. Some do not."

* Jay picked apart Medtronic's reaction, point by point:

Medtronic says: "information security of devices... is an integral part of the very fabric of our product design processes."

Jay says: "this clearly isn't the case," as he found in his hacking there was "no authentication or encryption used" and that he publicly showed in Vegas that there are vulnerabilities.

Medtronic says: "Thanks to (our) information security measures, we strongly believe it would be extremely difficult for a third-party to wirelessly tamper with your insulin pump."

Jay says: "There are no security measures. Needing to know the serial number of the device is not security." He claims it would be fairly easy for any hacker to devise what the six-digit serial number is for an insulin pump. (We're not sure how...?)

Medtronic says: "To our knowledge, there has never been a single reported incident of wireless tampering outside of controlled laboratory experiments in more than 30 years of device telemetry use, which includes millions of devices worldwide."

Jay says: "Until now." Obviously, that's just because no one has ever thought to hack into an insulin pump. But just because no one has ever thought of doing it yet doesn't mean no one ever will. (Guess we'd have agree there: crossing your fingers isn't much of a security measure.)

Medtronic says: "He ... TURNED ON the wireless feature and had access to specialized equipment ... you can remove any uncertainty by turning OFF the wireless communication on your device."

Jay says: "this is flat out not true" and that the wireless ability of an insulin pump cannot be turned off. This is why he was able to change any setting or configuration on his device. In addition, he has qualms with the label "specialized equipment," saying he used his Carelink USB device. Although he did NOT give step-by-step instructions on how he used this equipment, Jay did perform the entire hack on stage in Las Vegas in what he says was "about a minute."

Jay also claims that he worked with the Department of Homeland Security to contact Medtronic's CEO's office and left messages there on Aug. 10.

Of course, we had to look a little deeper into the other side of the story. Here's how Medtronic responded to our inquiries:

John Mastrototaro, Medtronic's VP of Research & Development, told us in a phone call on Aug. 26 that he had just spoken with the Department of Homeland Security in "an informal discussion in order to follow up to the claims that Jay made." He says this was his first conversation with DHS and he was not aware that they attempted to contact Medtronic on this issue earlier.

Specifically, he says: "There is some security and authentication in the product. But there is not encryption. Those have two different meanings to these security experts." He reiterated that their "primary method of security" is in the secrecy of the six-digit serial number, located on the back of an insulin pump. Another reaction post on the company's blog that went up Friday stated: "We recommend that you protect the serial number of your pump as you would your social security number, passwords and other important personal information." Hmmm.

John also stated: "One challenge for us as an organization is that we have to make trade-offs as to where we're going to put our research dollars and what problems we're going to solve. We've been very focused in the Artificial Pancreas Project... Our new platforms will have the latest encryption technology into those devices. Trying to stay way ahead of the ball is very difficult. It can take 5-7 years for new technology to get out. There is always going to be a potential risk that there's an evolution of the technology that gets further ahead of the products. Our approach has definitely been proactive and serious, even though it is a remote risk as Jay has said. We want to incorporate solutions to our future iterations of product so that we make it harder still for this sort of thing to occur."

One interesting factoid is that the security in the Paradigm insulin pump is 12-14 years old. "This was created before 9/11, before malicious intent really came about — when you used to be able to take a water bottle onto the plane," John says. Twelve to 14 years? Haven't enough new insulin pumps come out since then that they could have done just a little upgrading on security? We'll admit, probability of hacking seems pretty low. But still, more than a decade and no security upgrades?

The two congressmen entering the fray are Reps. Anna Eshoo of California and Edward Markey of Massachusetts, both Democrats. In their letter to the Government Accountability Office (GAO), they ask for a report on the extent to which FCC is:

Identifying the challenges and risks posed by the proliferation of medical implants and other devices that make use of broadband and wireless technology.

Taking steps to improve the efficiency of the regulatory processes applicable to broadband and wireless enabled medical devices.

Ensuring wireless enabled medical devices will not cause harmful interference to other equipment.

Overseeing such devices to ensure they are safe, reliable, and secure.

Coordinating its activities with the Food and Drug Administration."

They also write: "In bringing forward innovative wireless technologies and devices for healthcare, it's critical that these devices are able to operate together and with other hospital equipment, and not interfere with each other's activities and data transmissions."

Jay Radcliffe is, obviously, very excited about this development. To him, the behavior of the company in response to this revelation is more worrisome than the actual hacking itself.

On that note, Jay has announced that he is no longer a Medtronic user but has switched to Animas. He plans to hack their insulin pump in a similar manner. If successful, he says, "I will take the same actions I did previously. Hopefully Animas/J&J will behave better than Medtronic has." Look out, Animas!

So what does all this mean for the rest of us pumpers? Of course we can only cross our fingers that this won't further bog down the already-painfully-slow FDA process for approving new diabetes devices, like the Medtronic Veo system with low-glucose suspend function (hopefully hacker-safe!).

Should we also be worried about real and immediate risks to our personal safety? I think SecurityWatch said it best when they recently stated: "Radcliffe's hack is interesting and helpful for pressuring device manufacturers to improve their security, but not especially scary."

* * *

Cabin Pressure Safety:

As if our worries as pumpers weren't numerous enough, now an endocrinologist in Australia has discovered that cabin pressure changes in flight might occasionally mess with dosing.

After hearing that a 10-year-old girl went low one hour after take-off (and we;re assuming they ruled out every other possible cause of a low blood sugar?!), Bruce King of John Hunter Children's Hospital in Newcastle, Australia, and his colleagues discovered other cases of insulin pumpers who also went low after take-off. Apparently that was enough to spark a mini-study in which they sent 10 insulin pumps up in the air and discovered that they gave, on average, 1-1.4 extra units of insulin during take-off. During descent, when cabin pressure was increasing, some insulin was sucked back into the pumps, by about 1 unit.

Of course, 10 insulin pumps is hardly a statistically significant number, and one unit of insulin is probably not going to be deal-breaker for most adult patients (but it made a big difference to the 10-year-old!). We'd say that parents of small children who tend to go low during air travel might want to take note, and adjust accordingly.

Disclaimer: Content created by the Diabetes Mine team. For more details click here.

Disclaimer

This content is created for Diabetes Mine, a consumer health blog focused on the diabetes community. The content is not medically reviewed and doesn't adhere to Healthline's editorial guidelines. For more information about Healthline's partnership with Diabetes Mine, please click here.

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