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vazelbeak · 1 year

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When I think about it the Cherubs episode was such a missed opportunity to work off research and world build.

Like stay with me here but imagine if when sent to Lyle it wasn't because he was going to commit suicide (partially because i find it a rather tone deaf handling of the topic) but because Lyle is on deaths doorstep after a full life and IMP and CHERUB respectively are tasked with making sure he ends up in heaven or hell.

CHERUB being angels are nice but in a rude way. Blitzø, Millie, and Moxxie are respectively told in sing song voices "go for a walk and don't let the door hit you on the way out". The thing is as angels Cherubs can't be openly rude and risk getting in trouble so their work around is saying mean things cloaked in nice language. The idea would be mimicking that of plenty religious people who say cruel things but cloak it in kindness.

However demons don't need that. They can be as rude as they want which means Blitzø has no problem shoving past them even if Moxxie and Millie feel bad. Blitzø may also be aware that The kindness Cherubs use is an act.

Lyle doesn't have long so there's only a handful of things they can do to get him damned to hell fast.

They go threw various shenanigans of Cherub trying to show all the great things he'd be able to do in heaven while the IMPs argue what they can't do until they get to the mention of not being able to swear and Cleetus is mad. So mad we get introduced to how Cherubs are a form of Cherubim. Meaning Cleetus doesn't normally look like this 24/7 he looks like a rough approximation of your typical depictions as in text there appears to be a lack of direct ones.

Minus the skin.

As Blitzø is grabbed (maybe throw in a cartoony squeak for exaggeration) by Cleetus who yells in his face "Listen here you disgusting mangy fucking rat!" They hear a groan and both turn to see Lyle died of a heart attack from the sight of Cleetus's actual form. The other 4 demons and cherubs were right next to him with shocked looks on their faces as one of them (probably Colin but Keenie who finishes because he can't even finish thr sentence) says "he said he'd rather be in a field of fire than caged in divinity."

His sin was therefore denouncing god. Which hey, Blitzø will take that.

As Cleetus goes back to his Cherub form he starts shaking Lyle and tries to do chest compressions before a portal to heaven appears. Because Cleetus had an outburst and killed a person he tried to argue it was IMP's fault, but because theyre viewed so lowly nobody believes him

"you couldnt handle three little imps? Hells weakest demons? Honestly Cleetus we expected more of you. Looks like you need another anger management class."

And as he's dragged away he yells "Not anger managment! Anything but that! Please! It comes out of my paycheck!"

Once he's gone Colin and Keenie are sent to a sensitivity training class to avoid talking any chances of Cleetus as a bad influence. They insist they were gonna be taking time off this upcoming week but its ignored.

Once it closes Blitzø, Millie, and Moxxie intend to go home but at they do Moxxie asks Millie "Do you think that guy had a point in what he said. That its better to live a life free and in misery, than in one of comfort with the price of subjugation?"

Millie thinks for a moment before responding. "Mox if Blitzø and those little angels were telling the truth about anything they were saying, my mom always told me that if you ever try to buy a horse and the rancher shows you two with different issues. Chances are he has a third he doesn't want you to know about."

What does that mean? I think at some point Moxxie should question why he stays with IMP and doesn't go anywhere else to work. He and Millie deserve episodes exploring why they work here out of all other options.

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evanescentdawn · 2 years

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me: writing is too much of a trouble

also me: hey, what if. I do. playlist shuffle picks song and depending on what songs come up, associated fandom/ship I will work on wip until it strikes midnight

more rambling abt the wips, under,

BECAUSE WHY NOT.

the first one is wip of ssblankperiod2023 that I wanted to finish them but eh didn’t really. anyways. it wasn’t really working on it than rather rewriting and maybe adding (1) new sentence. anywyas. i love TJEM so MCUH. theyre so<3<3<3 sasusaku on their travels is actually something that’s v important to me. also the whole thing of…..sakura going thro pregnancy…..and Sasuke being the absolute MOST insufferable. (00:09) husband that anybody has ever known. but also sakura has a life !!! a child !!!! he and her created. he’s going to be a freak about it. also sakura being endeared, really annoyed, but so endeared and understanding his actions — why he is Being like this — also she loves being pampered too, actyally. so she lets him be for a while. before punching his shoulder a “bit” so he can Relax and Let her Be, lmao. also the fact this fic idea was first brought by me going cray about sasuke + change in hair + sakura noticing it. i dont have that many wips/fics about hair on sasusaku but it’s more than one. and two. I think. anywyas. i need to write more. SASUSAKU…..HAIR….u know. I haven’t even gotten to the scene and that’s a crime. I SHOULD. anyways, yeah. also one thing that’s annoying me: in my writing, I notice, I urgh exaggerate fondness/endearment between characters towards little stuff they do and I LIKE THAT but also it’s getting fcking annoying. anyways, just saying. 00:13

SO THE. TOURUKI/BLEACH MODEL AU. read thro wip again. okay like so. actually. I have only (2) wips currently of bleach in my docs because everything fjjfjfjfj is scattered between tumblr drafts LMAO or notion or notes I think. anyways. I didn’t want to work on the ichihime one in there and this was there. so I read it, and it was fun actyally. a lot to work on, but fun. I decided to pick off where I stopped and that was — ishida & kurosaki — and god, why have I not written them before. well. yeah, actually I have….. but thats beside the point. I need to Write them. anyways, they’re so <3 and god I forgot what ship and what not ship was supposed to be in this wip. I WANT. POLY. SO BADLY. poly bleach. it is V Good. 000:16 never over the fact that ichigo actually. doesnt even know that Ishida exists in his class but before that — he actually berated rukia on not knowing Orihime was her classmate. classic ichigo behaviour <3 and of course he doesn’t know this rude, up-tight designer he has to work with years after is actually a highschool classmate. ALSO. ISHIDA CALLING ICHIGO KUROSAKI…. IM SO…… ISHIDA SIGHING AS HE SAYS KUROSAKI…… ISHIDA ADJUSTING HIS GLASSES AS HE SAYS KUROSAKI……..can u tell how much I miss bleach. anywyas, it’s so good. I miss it. I NEED TO WRITE MORE BLEACH STUFF. 00:19

so next was…. OUGH…. another sasusaku stuff. like. the next latest wip I have apparently was the garden was. I think it was “his name” but I ignored that for garden. didn’t think I was actually going to u know. work on it. but then I read it, got a strike thought for how to continue and IM DISTRAUGHT. blank!!!period!!!!! sasuke!!!!!!!!! SASUKE INTERACTING WIYH STRANGERS HE MEETS ON MISSIONS. that leads to conversation about gardening + tomatoes. sasuke learning about the art of gardening. im distraught. I love him and this fic so much. god. im so !!!!!!!!!!!!!! 00:22 [00:24: for some one who doesn’t even like gardening, they sure like the idea of gardening fics. well. actually I don’t about that but whenever I read my fav characters do gardening it’s [sobs] SOOOOOO. you know. 00:25 anyways,

#yuki talks wips #wip: touruki model au #wip: attention + confession #wip: gardening #I worked on touruki/bleach model au?! TWO SASUSAKU WIPS #I say two but the second one is more sasuke focused #anyways. sobs. sasuke gardening. SASUKE. GARDENING. LEARNING. HOW TO GARDEN. TOMATOES !!!!!#im in [distraught]#this was quite fun actually #I loved it #I wanna continue #WHO THE F CARES ABT SLEEP ANYWAYS #idk what I’m doing in that bleach wip anymore but !!!! god !!!! WRITING BLEACH IS FUN #I MISS THEM #ishida<333 kurosaki<33333 #I desperately want to NEED to w #write/work on more bleach stuff #like what am I doing

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mayabruhbruh · 2 years

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Let’s discuss the Finn & Millie interviews.

If you are vouching for the interviews to be straight up bullshit, please read this. If you don’t, great, read it anyway. I’m hoping for discussion tho, so drop some asks if you have questions or disagreements. 👁👁

Okay, so in case you were unaware, very recently there were interviews that came out of finn and Millie gushing over how much m!leven there is this season. Like, a LOT of gushing.

So here’s the thing, I believe them! At least to some degree. There, I said it. Hopefully you guys don’t hate me over this. I’m just trying to be frank. Here, I will express my confusion over the duffers’ writing choices, present common writing choices in other stories, and PLEASE HELP ME I JUST DONT GET IT-

There’s no way they’d straight up lie to our faces about an important plot relationship like theirs, and as much as I believe some of the cast have to be told what to say when they have to steer around questions that give away too much, this just doesn’t seem like something they would have to lie about.

Something I’ve sensed since the beginning of the show was how obvious it was that M¡leven wasn’t going to be canon. And not even in a mean way. Without all the subtext and clues hinting at their romantic decline, I could really tell that they weren’t going to end up together because that’s just how show’s work. Tell me ONE fairly long-lasting show in which two characters got together in the first or second season and then STAYED together for the rest of forever. Come on, it’s just not plausible for a story to go on like that. It gets boring. And even if there’s ‘real life issues’ involved, it gets boring to watch them try to work it out! That’s why I’m so baffled right now that the duffers are still dragging out their relationship. I thought they might’ve known better than this.

For example, take enola holmes and Tewksbury. HELL YEAH THEYRE GONNA DRAG THAT SHIT OUT! It’s the relationship dynamics that get people to keep watching. Whether it be slow burn, or forbidden love, or friends with benefits or whatever the fuck! All of these dynamics exist because it gives the story stretch room to grow and develop the feelings and relationship. Room to make you want them to be together. For ST, you can argue that m!leven did have a dynamic that made us want them to be together, something along the lines of lost love (and then found), but the duffers seemed to write it in a way that really confuses me. I identified m!leven with the dynamic of young love, something that everyone knows doesn’t, or shouldn’t, last very long. Sorry to bring this up again, but they knew each other for a week, lost touch for a year, and boom. Relationship. How does that work when they know virtually nothing about each other?

I mean, sure, apparently m¡leven is working through ‘real issues’ in their relationship this season, which I’m excited for because it allows them to dive deeper into these mentioned plot holes in their love story, but come on. in s3 we SAW WITH OUR OWN EYEBALLS that they basically don’t get along unless they’re sucking face or are in mortal danger. (That’s an exaggeration, but you get what I mean. They just aren’t compatible and if anything, I liked the friends stage, or the yearning stage in which they THOUGHT they wanted each other instead of what’s happened in s3 and now :( bring them back.) as for the ‘married couple’ quote. Bro they are literally teenagers and it pAINS me to see the suffer brothers milk this relationship so hard. If what they say in these interviews is true, then either the subtext such as “The First I love You” song in the soundtrack, was all thrown out the window. Or it was just hinting at their “bumpy road of a relationship” this season. Which- ????GOD I JUST DONT UNDERSTAND.

And I don’t mean to undermine any of y’all’s theories on why finn and Millie said what they said. I just think we can’t let our preferences blind us from seeing what they’re telling us straight up. In case y’all didn’t know, I have a spider-man MJ mindset where if you don’t get too excited or raise your standards, you won’t be disappointed. Seriously, as much as I want to believe in byler and DO believe it, we can’t dismiss the facts just because we don’t like them.

BTW none of this means that the byler hints we expect won’t happen. Perhaps one of the ‘issues’ in the relationship is Mike being conflicted between his girlfriend and her fREAKING brother :o

#stranger things #mike wheeler #finn wolfhard #byler #will byers #byler is canon #stranger things ships #strangerwriters #stranger things season 4 #noah schnapp #mike x will #stranger things 4

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ethotv-archived · 2 years

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Would love to hear about the playlist

i love you. im going to put this under a cut bc it will get VERY LONG so. here it is. ultimate ethubs playlist autism (and heres a link to the playlist if you want to listen to it :3)

fair warning a lot of these songs are. love songs. which leads to a more romantic leaning interpretation but you can ignore those parts if you want, i didnt make this playlist with a platonic OR romantic version in mind i just picked songs

OBVIOUS BLASÉ: yeah this song is in the playlist twice FOR GOOD REASON. its the life series etho song of all time you will never find another one like it (it even fits dl but i wont mention that here. sorry). its first in the playlist bc its about ethos feelings on 3rd life because the entire song is about fire and literally playing with matches. i wont go on a 3l etho rant but yeah its very important. the playlist title comes from it! im not gonna bring up specific lyrics here bc they have more impact LATER in the playlist

THE LIGHTHOUSE: bringing back the fire lyrics YAYYYY ^_^ i think this might be the least connected song in the entire playlist but i had to include it bc i love it. just read the lyrics here i dont have a lot to say on them but i really needed to put a song in before bdubs turns red so this one is about them not knowing if this alliance will work out but going for it anyway <3

PARADISE LOST: oh my god ethubs song soooo so so mcuh i have to go through this with specific lyrics because i have to go indepth. this one is right after bdubs goes red for reference

obvious connections here - theyve knwon each other for so long they end up teaming and running in circles around eachother they cant stay away. also "yellow fades to blue" is a reference to a different song but to me if you replace blue with red its about them having the same dynamic as always until bdubs going red messes with it

do i have to. explain this. "cant bring myself to cut ties i know you better than anyone" i cant say anything more. themcore. they cant escape eachother no matter what and they DONT WANT TO

ok almost done with this song but THIS is about how etho is the boogeyman when bdubs goes red. also "will i survive its so hard to tell" screams and cries forever. etho keeping bdubs in the snow fort was "selfish" int hat he SHOULD kick bdubs out but he desperately doesnt want to but also it helps protect him from reds AND gave him a way to get a boogey kill

CLEAN CUT HEALS: im sorry for putting so many songs from one album in a row like this it just. worked out so well? another song about the snowfort split yeah yeah im predictable

they both KNOW they need to split but they dont want to even if it hurts more like this. i dont really have much more for this song EXCEPT the bridge. because while this song is etho pov the BRUDGE.

^ bdubs pov. right in the middle. im too reckless baby..... not much to say. but i had to bring it up so everyone knows

WITH ME TONIGHT: BDUBS SONG. BDUBS SONG. hes trying to win etho over to the red side hes wants it so badly but it isnt working. ignore the parts about it being unrequited it IS ok it is but not every song is perfect. i think it could be taken as bdubs exaggerating to make etho feel bad though

i wish they had killed eachother at least once so i could make this fit even more but.. well im glad they didnt also. + foreshadowing in that last line about how wanting to be with etho will kill him. i would just put screenshots of more lyrics here too but i dont want to reach image cap by adding things just to look at. listen to the song

EMPTY WITH YOU: [dies][dies][dies]

bdubs song begging etho to go red with him. hes bargaining so much by appealing to how much fun they can have as long as theyre TOGETHER. they could take down the whole server! soooo them so so so them. have cried listening to this one

COME UNDONE: "skeppy this is the third song about bdubs wanting etho to go red" ok and. they fit. theyre good. this one ESPECIALLY because it has ties to 3rd life (on yellow, i couldnt do anything. but now thats im red- im a weapon). also connects to etho being boogey

he wnats etho to go red but hes constantly turned down despite being able to TELL etho wants it too. also fire motifs. endless fire motifs. youll be seeing a lot of songs from this album bc its the most redlife bdubs album ever written

GREENER WITH THE SCENERY: cycles and loops and endlessly going through the same situations without seeing an end.... this song is etho after bdubs goes red for the 3rd time.

etho is frustrated that no matter how hard he tries to get bdubs back on yellow he isnt able to stop him going red again and again but he knows he'll keep trying. also do you know how much i would kill for an ethubs lifeswap that couldve made this so much more impactful but WHATEVER. its still good

BLOODY NOSE: bdubs is back!!! we've reached the river confrontation and life exchange deal.. yeah theres a lot of songs about this too because i feel a lot about it. bdubs knows he isnt going to survive this mission but he also knows its his only chance and he cant back out now because he will NEVER get etho down to red with him, even if he'd prefer being red together than yellow

he LIKES being red and how it feels to have that, even if hes going to die. also the dancing reference to fuel my personal insanity that i might go into some other day. + this song has "even on my worst nights i never stop the sunrise" which i take as a little nod to his sleep thing on hc

MEN ARE ALL THE SAME: oh my god. oh my god. bdubs after coming to terms with the fact he'll die here is bitter towards etho but also doesnt want him to be mad that he couldnt make it back. im going in depth on the lyrics here bc i REALLY LIKE THIS SONG AS A BDUBS ONE

obviously we start with the 3rd life reference because who am i if not a 3l etho insanitybot. hes reminiscing on their weird relationship in 3l and their weird fighting but not fighting thing they had. hes asking etho not to question why he likes being red so much and why he couldnt stay yellow for him and THEN the ultimate hit of the last 4 lines - if you love it then let it go (let bdubs prove himself and win a life back) but he knows etho likely wont be able to find out the full circumstances behind his death. (also a meta reference to how bdubs footage got corrupted. lol). but dont blame him for not being good enough... this song is so much. so much. hes bitter but hes scared and hes resigned

bdubs knows etho isnt going to win this on his own despite being known for his isolation. its easier to leave on a suicide mission than to continue trying to win etho over knowing itll never work

sorry i said some of the songs are explicitly romantic but you can take it figuratively - he never gets to say a true goodbye, forced to pretend he'll come back (isnt it a trope that people who leave on dangerous journeys wont say goodbye because "theyre coming back"? yeah. that)

TAKE IT AWAY: etho doesnt want bdubs to die he DOESNT. he wants to get him back no matter what but he isnt willingly to risk his own safety for it, because he hasnt fully processed that if he doesnt help bdubs hes out forever (i thought we would be together and everything would be ok again). FIRE MOTIFS ARE BACK!

i dont have coherent thoughts on this. take my hand take my life.. also unrelated but even the little intro sample thing fits because to me its etho questioning what he'll do without bdubs

MEANT TO DIE: [bursts into tears] bdubs... song..........

hes dead and hes out forever and he DIDNT WANT THIS he knew he was going off to die but he still tried his best his last words were crying out to etho. yes he made bad decisions as a red and bit off more than he could chew but he TRIED.

OBVIOUS BLASÉ (AGAIN): so. how do you feel now.

it is so hard for me to put how i feel about this song into words. while after 3l its his regret at not winnign and all that hes lost by this point it has entirely new meaning. "ghost, tell me that youll stay" is AGONISING bc bdubs DOES stay as a ghost, the only person in the series to do that. etho knows bdubs would prefer him with that bloodlust. and he knows its HIS FAULT that bdubs is dead, for not just giving him the life right there

they both knew it couldnt end well and they did it anyway. while in 3l etho was LITERALLY playing with fire and got burned in turn, this time merely pairing with bdubs was enough to doom him since they would never stay together forever and now he has to try get over that while still winning. bittersweet... (i didnt win it for you but you didnt win it for me either). yeah take this song away from me

ALL THAT IVE GOT: just. just. look at this. please ignore the gay sex implications the song isnt even about gay sex

i dont. i dont know what to add here really. etho struggling after bdubs dies and not knwoing what to do without him.. he forgets bdubs isnt with him and he just. doesnt know how to cope. this song is a lot but i cant even articulate it just LOOK AT IT. oh my god. its all that he can do

WATERED DOWN: we made it. finally. this took so much of my time. i actually dont have a lot of specific lyrics for this one because its just. more vibes than anything? just finishing off the playlist with more etho not knwoing how to live in ll without bdubs and then. like dying i guess. at this point im very tired listen to the playlist. how are you this far without listening to it please do

#mailing list #ITS DONE. THIS HURT ME MENTALLY. everyone tell me im cool now this is literally me crying about ethubs for however many words #imgoing to lie down now this took. an hour and a half #well no i elft for half an hour. so it took about an hour total

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talkingharrystyles · 3 years

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https://talkingharrystyles.tumblr.com/post/678173527529111552/i-dont-understand-if-that-anon-believes-theyre

I should have better clarified to say that there are real couples (Justin and Hailey, Harry and Camille, Justin and Selena, The Weeknd and Bella) who will use their real relationship for public consumption. PR is simply the art of shaping your image through storytelling via the media. It’s meant to generate positive publicity and enhance one’s public reputation. Real couples will include intimate aspects of their relationship into a project: Harry sharing his personal feelings via songs and interviews from Hamille or The Weeknd singing about his and Bella’s toxic relationship. Ofc exaggeration is used to drum up drama but the experiences were real because those relationships authentically followed each person’s characteristic behavior for relationships (Harry being super private and The Weeknd’s cheating ways). Faux PR is just a term I use to describe those who’s whole relationship is fake and created solely for entertainment purposes. Nothings subtle. There’s always elaborate/over the top PDA shown because again that “relationship” is meant for the public consumption- nothing really happening between them. It always includes the love dovey vacations pics (specifically a beach setting) and constant cutesy content oversaturation (daily articles detailing the romance, pap walks, social media interaction, etc). FPR is not exclusive to just romantic relationships too. Lucrative connections will be made and disguised as friendships. Taylor swift girl squad was the perfect example of this. Harris Reed too. Remember how he inserted mentions of Harry’s “gender fluidity” when discussing his designs. That’s a tell tell sign of PR- naming dropping someone who’s image aligns with or is associated with whatever project you’re promoting. To make differentiate between real couples who uses aspects of their relationship for projects promotions vs fake couples who just fake a relationship for attention easier I like to say FPR (faux pr). 🌌

🌌

#fauxlivia #holivia is fake #holivia #pr stunt #publicity stunt #holivia stunt #publicitystunt #pr relationships #holivia pr stunt

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sometipsygnostalgic · 4 years

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whats the rational behind those classpect assignments... 👀

Finn: Knight of Hope. Superficially, a Knight of Hope is the classpect you’d assign to a protagonist character like Finn, someone who fights for his moral code. And this is what he does early in the show. However, the Hope aspect connects with Finn in a much more intimate way later on. In Homestuck, “Hope” characters include Cronus, Eridan, and Jake, who are HOPELESS when it comes to romantic relationships. They’re terrible partners too. Jake has tons of people lusting after him but doesn’t know how to deal with any of them. His friendships with them all collapse, just like Finn. They also lose hope at some point in the story and have low self esteem. Finn in season 4 starts to do some shady stuff to impress women. He becomes a creep. He tries to get Flame Princess to fight Ice King literally so he can get off on it in his dreams (no joke, no exaggeration, that’s what the story tells us), and he doesn’t think about her at all, so he loses her trust and she breaks up. Finn rebounds onto PB - who he already knew was not interested in him at all - and acts creepy with her, but messes up HER trust in him too. He ends that episode with her disappointed that he can’t take an adult situation seriously. Then Flame Princess tries to rebound on FP, and does creepy Eridan/Cronus stuff like touching her shoulder and not respecting her at all. It doesn’t work and he just... falls into despair.

Finn tries to cover his teen angst, and save face by saying he doesn’t want to date princesses because he wants to focus on his “knight” duties. Finn disguising his feelings, by acting as a knight, screams “knight” to me. And everything about his relationships screams “hope”.

But... Finn REGAINS hope in the episode “Breezy”. By being knighted!!! He has a hallucination that he’s being reknighted and suddenly the flower on his arm blooms and he’s able to function again.

For the rest of the show he’s a sincere champion of hope. He deals with things more maturely. At one point he puts hope into the universe to save his life, and it does. At another point he protects the world by using nightmare juice against his own boss, hoping it’ll knock some sense into her, and it does. But Finn can fall into despair again, as he does when the Finn sword is smashed, and sometimes his blind hope can cause him to fall into naive traps, like when he was used as a trojan in Gumbaldia.

Jake: see this post

PB: PB is just Dirk Strider if Dirk was a better character. Seriously you could absorb Dirk into her and nothing would change about her other than maybe adding his fondness for smuppets (...though there’s nothing proving she DOESNT have a fondness for smuppets already). They’re both shut-ins, they’re both heartbreakers, they raised themselves from childhood, they’re both tech geniuses, they both ride hoverboards, theyre both repressed gays incredibly clingy about a specific bisexual who have to push away advances from pushy straight people, they both make killer robots, they both have 10,000 splinters of themselves represented as other characters who often become evil due to their shared characteristics, they’re both coldhearted parents, they both have hero complexes, they both have god complexes, they both make the weirdest shit for no reason, they’re the most neurotic in their ensembles, they’re both scared that they can become monsters because of their most natural instincts, and they both DO unfortunately become monsters because of ultimate self shenanigans outside of their control, with the main difference being Dirk’s ultself breaks the fourth wall and isn’t undone, but PB sings the fucking intro song in the elements series so I guess that can count as a 4th wall break. PB is literally an extension of what Dirk would become if he were a candy girl, he didn’t meet Roxy, Condy wasn’t around, and sburb didn’t exist. They even have a similar parallel where they didn’t become as evil as their splinters because they had a brother, and some early influence from family to be good.

BMO: Okay, so like I said BMO could have been a Hope player as well, or a Bard, and it wouldn’t have made much difference. I chose Rogue of Mind ultimately because BMO is so creative, and can be unexpectedly helpful. BMO’s mind is dangerous and lead them to go on crazy misadventures. But he can show up out of nowhere and change a situation for the better. BMO’s also incredibly cheerful with some hidden depths. I FEEL Rogue of Mind for BMO. It’s hard to justify how, becuase what would a Rogue of Mind even be?

But BMO is a gremlin wild with imagination just like Terezi. You can’t deny that at all.

Marceline: I will admit I put less thought into Marceline’s than Finn’s. I always saw Marceline as a Time player though, and I always wanted her to be a passive class like a rogue or a page! Marceline has always fallen victim to being passive in her circumstances.

She is like Tavros and Jake because she feels like she can’t control what happens to her. Marceline gives up really quickly because she think she can’t improve the world or her situation. Like how Jake thinks he’s full of hope, Marceline is superficially seen as a master of time, because she’s a vampire. She’s lived a long time, right? But actually she hasn’t come to terms with her immortality. She hates it, and she hates that time keeps repeating itself. Marceline is intimidated by the prospect of living forever and sees it as a burden put on her by the Vampire King’s assault. A traumatic experience she can’t move on from.

There are many ways in which she relates to Aradia and Dave as well - how she handles traumatic experiences. Marceline pretended to be a monster because she was fed up of people abandoning her, and thought she WAS a monster, and if she put on a facade and acted like a huge jerk, it would push people away so they can’t get close to her and hurt her. But this only made her unhappy. Dave did something very similar, with his cool kid persona. Aradia dealt with being dead by pretending she was a robot who had no feelings. Marceline tries to shed her vampire identity and thinks this is going to make her feel better, but it wouldn’t have done. She’d have spent the rest of her life still hanging onto that trauma even as a mortal. She is filled with overconfidence which all collapses, like Jake and Tavros, and she spends a good chunk of the final episode having given up on her ability to change fate.

But where the Page aspect shines is its potential. Marceline speaks to Ice King and realises that, in being a survivor, she has a kind of strength. She decides to use her strength to grip onto the wheel of fortune, and in one fell swoop, ANNIHILATES the vampire king with her massive hidden potential. Then it is locked away once more.

Marceline doesn’t understand the extent of her abilities. She’s at a very early stage in her immortal lifespan. But she’s learnt that even though everything repeats itself, it changes ever so slightly each time, and she DOES have control over her fate. She shares this epiphany with Aradia, who took control of HEr own fate in Homestuck. Marceline will only get more and more acquainted with her aspect over time! She has so much potential because she will live for many years.

#adventure time #homestuck

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thehealingplum · 3 years

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things that have been helping me:

1. listening to positive music. i will be lying down in silence and the only thing in my head is one of those catchy songs i recently listened to. while i do occasionally indulge in my angsty music, i overall try to stick to more positive lyrics.

2. positive affirmations vs self deprecation. yeah, i know, saying “haha i’m so stupid” has become such a common thing that it’s honestly WEIRD not to see it. but like. maybe just don’t do that anymore. did you fall down? exaggerate how graceful you were. having trouble speaking? say “i do the words good” or something else nonsensical. it’s not putting yourself down, and it’s a way to make light of mistakes and allow yourself to not feel BAD for making mistakes.

3. not apologizing about everything. i have a terrible habit of feeling like my existence is an inconvenience, so i apologize all the fucking time. ‘sorry for bothering you.’ ‘sorry for wasting your time.’ ‘sorry for being annoying.’ no. dont say those anymore. don’t be sorry for existing. say ‘thank you for your time’ and ‘thank you for listening’ and ‘thank you for understanding.’ your friends, they choose to spend time with you because they care. you’re not a nuisance to them. you have to trust them, okay?

4. establishing boundaries and saying no. i quit my job. it was a religious based job and i do NOT have positive experiences with religion. family doesnt understand that religious abuse is a thing, even though THEY mean well, they have been very invasive and uncomfortably controlling over my life. and so i do not engage in religious stuff like i used to. my father got mad at me for it, but i know why i quit and i will still say “i cannot work in a christian place.” period. that is my boundary. another boundary that i established? people asking me for shit. my brother asked if i had a fingernail clipper. i know he has a bad habit of losing stuff or breaking stuff, so i said no. theyre my clippers, and he is completely capable of going to buy one for himself. he has a job, money and a car. it is not hard for him to go to the dollar store and get him a cheap pair of clippers.

5. resting and me time. we all feel like we should constantly be doing something productive. constantly be making something. constantly be making a difference in someone’s life. an important part of existing is RESTING. neither the body nor the mind are made to be constantly at work like this. taking time to yourself is necessary to reflect on you, and to be comfortable with your existence. it sounds corny as fuck but like. it. definitely is something that needs to be done. if you are afraid of being alone with your thoughts then it sounds like you need a bit of professional help to walk you through self discovery.

6. redirecting impulses into writing. intrusive thoughts exist. compulsive behavior exists. i cannot tell you how many times i have just been like ‘hey, i’m going to go ahead and give this person advice because i think its what they need!’ and instead of acting on that, i think about my characters doing it. i think about how people would react to these behaviors. it helps me look at my own behavior from an outside perspective and helps me pick out the traits that i need to shut down. i also offer ‘advice’ in the form of just posting here on tumblr about my recovery process lol. people have the option of blocking my tags, blocking/unfollowing me, and do not have to consume my content at all. those who are comfortable with my self help stuff are more than welcome to stay around if they feel like they are being helped. so it’s a win/win. im helping others by helping myself, but not FORCING help onto other people.

#long post #my codependency #my recovery

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lemonietrinket · 4 years

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Before the Sun Sets ||| Jae x Reader

Summary: The two of you were hopelessly in love, it was easy to tell for everyone—including the two of you. However neither of you had refused to act upon it, and though love may be powerful, there is always the possibility of it waning. Someone inevitably had to break, before the love did. And so it fell to the final afternoon for a difference to be made.

Genre: Nervous fluff, some light angst, otherwise just fluff Warning(s): It’s a confession fic so expect saccharine nerves Word Count: 2293 Song(s): Serenade - (Hoony Solo) Winner, Mist - Ateez, You Can Stay - Stray Kids

AN: A request from anon, I’m sorry it took so long! I wasn’t feeling a lot of creativity for a while and literally like started completely again after like several thousand words, so this one is a little bit shorter but I think much better in quality. Sort of inspired by this comeback’s teasers

~~~

It was quiet, gently so, with the sun sending cascades of gold through the streets as it set after a relaxed day out at the beach. The rays grazed the pink hued clouds as the sky shone in radiant amber light, gracing you with a halo upon your seaswept hair while you skipped through the dappled shadows of the trees.

You were in reach—much like you had been the entire time, but Jae opted to place this worry aside for the sake of achieving success—to the point he could almost hear his future with you, your laughter whispering across the air. He’d never heard it so close before. It was if the gradually waning afternoon sun had brought it forward to him, to encourage the beating of his heart and the rising heat in his cheeks. He never blushed otherwise, after all.

It was time. For what exactly, Jae wasn’t sure. He had an idea, as this would be the perfect time to confess. But he couldn’t deny the lingering tones of an impending end. Sure, he was ready to practically burst, but it wasn’t that severe. He’d liked you for so long now, who could never imagine a world where he didn’t.

Mere steps away, that laughter was directed to his bandmate as he told you an animated story, his deep voice striving in intonation and octave. You shrieked when Dowoon shook his head, aging his voice for you so as to impersonate an elderly character and Jae sighed. He would never regret helping the youngest come out of his shell, not once, but he felt the pang in his chest as he realised just how happy he made you. He wanted to be the one. The only one.

He shook his head. Now was not time to lose hope or courage.

All he had to do was take a single long stride, ask you, and then he had the prime opportunity to open that loud mouth of his and admit the feelings he’d been having this whole time. The ones that threatened to cleave his heart in two so cleanly if they weren’t acted upon.

He levied himself, words spinning on the cogs of a machine in his head and formulating a sentence: it would only take one to get him started, it was all he needed.

Jae took the step, a deep breath passing through his lips, as his feet drew him close to you, then at your side, to where he wanted—no needed—to be.

He found himself sandwiched between you and your arguably closest friend rather awkwardly, shoulders pressed in to accommodate for his intrusion. But as his eyes glanced up and caught sight of the block of flats where they called home, he tossed the nerves aside the best he could. Now was not the time for worry.

Without a glance to Dowoon, something that he hoped would not be taken at all personally, he let his gaze fall onto you and your awe-striking features framed in the afternoon’s gold.

And with the nicest, suavest grin he figured he could ever pull, he let that one word he needed to let the others coalesce fall from his lips.

“Howdy.”

You didn’t take Jae’s sudden appearance at all negatively. Far from it: the sight of his face sent a rush through your veins more potent than any alcohol, leaving you briefly fuzzy in the head and a beam of your own rising to your cheeks.

Nothing could prepare you for many of his antics, as he always found a way to befuddle you with his sudden anecdotes and quote-worthy answers. This time, too, was no different.

As soon as he greeted you, your gently curved eyes widened in surprise as low giggles bubbled from your chest—as if the butterflies that resided there and rose to greet him were beginning to set themselves free. It didn’t help that Dowoon just behind his shoulder pulled an exaggerated expression in incredulosity, squished up to the walled fencing of the street.

“Howdy,” you returned, meeting his gaze set all the way above you. It never stopped amazing you how easily he could make your laugh, or how hard it was to tear your eyes away from his charming smile—even if it, like this one, was a tad on the unnerving side. You preferred to not think upon the slight delay you noticed in your actions.

“What can we do for you, Mr Park?”

“Hmm,” Jae thought for a while, heart pumping as he took the next step with ease, “I think it’s less of a plural and more of a singular scenario.”

It took a few moments to understand what he meant, you had to admit, but Dowoon was on the ball. “Aish, you could just ask!” He pouted, though it was faux for the most part as he quickly settled back into a grin, falling back to harass talk to Sungjin instead.

At last the two of you were left in peace. However, that was only part of this step. He had to ask you the rest as of yet, and you were drawing closer to home.

“Ok, you kicked poor Dowoon out, so what are you after?” you enquired with a sly chuckle and folded arms. You weren’t mad at all—how could you be? The person who you who had captured your heart so easily and nonchalantly wanted to not only be alone with you, was in the process of doing so.

Oh how you wished you didn’t drift across the pavement to give him space out of reflex. You wanted to stay as close to him as possible, to hold those fingers roughened by guitar strings between your own, let them bathe in the light of the slowly setting sun as you walked. But you couldn’t. Why? Your internal questioning wasn’t directed in the normal fashion, you were rather questioning your apparent cowardice. The excuses you had made all along whisked through your brain as you continued to stare at his crinkled fringe and plush lips that seemed more enticing than ever before.

“I was wondering if you wanted to watch the sun set, since it’s so nice out,” Jae explained, barely able to reciprocate your gaze. He leant in instead, daring to push you and himself one further, whispering, “And I stole the manager’s card so we can get extra snacks.”

You grinned, nibbling o the corner of your lip as you prayed to the heavens that no blush had risen significantly to your cheeks at his words. “I’m in, as long as you promise to hide them in my hiding spot this time.”

“Deal.”

The timing was very nearly off, your acceptance coming just before you had to turn to the main entrance, but fortune was on your side. You called over your shoulder, briefly instructing the others to not wait for you, you were just going to continue your walk and make the most of the weather.

“After all the weather forecast predicts rain tomorrow!”

“Yeah, severe storms! Awful! Floods in the streets!”

“Exactly! We may not see the sun for another week!”

It was was not true in the slightest, and the faces that were before you didn’t show a single sign of believing you—composed of mere nods and pressed smiles—and neither was it necessary, because as soon as your backs were turned, your four roommates immediately exchanged a knowing look, filled with a range of joy, relief and disdain.

But there you went nonetheless, making excuses for yourselves.

It didn’t matter for now, the focus was much more importantly upon the events that followed, as there was still much to go wrong.

The two of you threaded through the streets leading further out of town, barely running into another soul as you found yourselves back by the beach, though this time at the top of the hills that curbed it in parts.

The wind didn’t help you as you attempted to ease your fingers through your bedraggled locks, not that you really minded. You had decided to wash it upon your return home.

And so you let your thoughts swirl as they wished, following the lines of his shoulders and back beneath his loose shirt, wondering if you could ever trace them beneath your fingers in the real world. You let yourself be consumed by the daydreams of a plausible future that you longed for; waking up to his dishevelled hair resting upon a pillow beside yours, feeling him flush against you as he joking sat on your lap instead, hearing his voice sing and harmonise the most dreary of days, all the things that you’d done as close friends but this time could do as a couple.

Partners. Lovers. Together. A future constantly bathed in golden sunrises and sunsets.

You felt like it was closer than ever now, but so were the nerves. There was no doubt you loved him, and you were sure your affection was mutual but fear always kept you back.

It was at this moment that Jae came to a stop. You had reached an area free of underbrush and the odd dog-walker, with a clear view of the sun. Its belly was brushing the horizon as Jae settled his gangly limbs against the grass, and you very nearly forgot to join him after being distracted by the ombre shades that it cast upon the approaching clouds.

“Don’t look at it for too long,” he advised once you’d joined him upon the hilltop.

You chuckled, glancing at the orb that gave you warmth, but returning to him. He was capable of giving you so much more. “It’s still unsafe to look at, I know.”

“Don’t want those eyes of yours getting hurt,” he iterated his own falling to the mildly prickly blades of green around him, “they’re too pretty for that.”

His final words had been mumbled, caught by the same slight breeze that made you drape your hands across your bare arms.

Silence fell over the two of you once again, and it for a while appeared the same stalemate was going to occur once again. You both turned your attentions to the flourishing crimsons and encroaching indigo of the sky, wishing you could turn them toward the other and take in the beauty of their face instead.

Upon the dimming light of the afternoon giving way to the evening and night, you felt something begin to tug at your heart, cold rippling across your skin. You didn’t want to be cold.

Meanwhile Jae sat mute in a different way. He had expected to speak again right after he complimented you and then the words just tumbled away. He’d seen you turn your head to the horizon and he’d done the same. You were more insync than you’d perhaps first realised. All while he stared absently at the arching flames of the sky, the true fire blazed in his heart, heat breaking through to his ears and leaving his heart pounding. He didn’t want to be so hot.

You were so close, his hand right by yours in the grass. Neither of you had to move far to stretch across the centimetres of shadow and hold one another.

Nothing happened for the longest time. The wind played with the crests of the sea, the salt fell across the air and the small trees behind you rustled in hushed whispers.

And then, with a flurry of emotion and energy, your hands jumped and clashed, knuckles meeting fingertips, and you turned to look at one another in the dying light.

The two of you laughed at the accident, pulling away but not far. You pouted sheepishly, rubbing where the contact had been made. Until Jae once again bridged the gap, properly this time, and took your hurt hand into his.

He rubbed his course fingertips across the back of your palm tenderly, and though it was far from a serious injury you’d never thought you’d feel pain disappear so quickly. He was so gentle with you, and his touch alone seeped warmth through your system. You wanted more.

The touch of your cool hand soothed his nerves too, and he felt the constriction lying on his chest lessen, able to finally open his lips at last.

You had wondered why he had been so quiet, as you never would have expected this moment to be done in silence. But the more you considered it, you wouldn’t change a thing.

He didn’t need to apologise here, the caress of his lips pressed against your hand as he kissed it apologised enough for him. Much like he neither needed to speak to comfort you, or confess to let you know he loved you.

You knew mostly anyway, but his actions spoke larger than his smart words ever could.

You shifted across the grass and in an instant he embraced you in his warmth, his hands gripping at your shirt desperately as if you could slip away at any moment.

Nuzzling your nose into his neck, you breathed in his salt-tinged scent and breathed a sigh of relief, knowing the chaste kisses you pressed there got your message across.

Soon he pulled apart from you, but only to take your cheeks into his hands and kiss you properly. You melted into his lips, hands clutching to him and letting him seep into every corner of your being, while he was overcome with security. He finally had you, and he could sink into you just as he wanted to.

You exchanged no words as the sun finally fell beneath the horizon, but none were needed. The gold reflected you, and even though it faded into the deep evening, it would continue to shine for you.

~~~

AN: idk what you guys think of my makeshift paragraph breaks, idk if theyre any good but until tumblr makes some proper ones fuk u tumbler theyre going to be what i use rather than dots (which make the formatting look a bit weird? imo?)

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notdingalingalingalingrita · 4 years

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important question. what is your moral alignment. im thinking chaotic neutral

If i were a character so nothing actually had consequences i would love to be lawful evil because HOLY SHIT THOSE ARE THE COOLEST CHARACTERS

Schlatt, Alastor, hell I’m pretty sure Megamind is considered lawful evil.

Having like a logical and resonable plan with a specific but strange and disagreeable moral code is just!!! So!!!! Interesting!!!! Genuinley this is my favorite alignment.

AT THE SAME TIME THOUGH CHAOTIC EVIL IS SOO FUN

Just do whatever the hell causes the most destruction EXCUSE ME i can IMAGINE my badass villain outfit

Pointy sunglasses, half buttoned Hawaiian shirt, trademark messy hair.... just a guy blowing shit up cause he thinks its fun. IDEAL.

THEN NEUTRAL EVIL

Its not interesting like lawful evil, its not fun like chaotic evil, it’s just *evil*. Raw, unfiltered, evil. Can you iMAGINE MY VILLIAN SONG!!!! The eviler the villain the better the songs sorry just true.

Oh fuck am i going to explain why I’m in love with every single alignment and then try to figure out which one is mine???? .... maybe

Ok I’m DEFINITELY not lawful neutral. I have a pretty simple moral code where I try to consider everyone’s wants and how different actions affect the people involved, and as a sorta “cheat sheet” I imagine “if everyone took this action, would the world still be okay”. And although this sorta does dictate a lot of what i do, it’s not essential to my character. It’s the character I am in real life because I want to be good, but not the character I am if I were a fictional exaggerated version of myself because it’s not an intrinsic part of my personality. But!! I do love this alignment because it sets up for GREAT internal conflict.

I mean its about how someone doesn’t have their own wants but rather follows a learned code. Or someone who once thought they only cared about themself learning that community is important and clinging to it because they WANT to be good, not because they think they ARE???? Beautiful shit

TRUE NEUTRAL

The real “i dont give a fuck” additiude is gorgeos. 10/10. Is this me??? I dont think so. I kinda like it??? Like just the sexy “might switch up sides I’m bored” additude is alluring, but the pure apathy is something I don’t posses. I’m super gay for this alignment though.

CHAOTIC NEUTRAL

I’m pretty sure you were right about this one- if i was a character, I would ABSOLUTLEY have this alignment. It THRIVES on the absence of morals. FREEDOM! CHAOS! Its all about f u n. No process or government. No drama. No cares. Everything is fluid, everything is a distraction, everything is an oppertunity. The constant energy. Lovely. and honestly, what is so great about this is that when excecuted well, these characters DONT exhaust all paths they can take. They dont run out of adventures to have. They dont stop getting new ideas. They never reach the limit of projects they can take on. It’s immortality, it’s all i want.

LAWFUL GOOD

A brilliant character is a lawful good who hates being lawful good. Someone who’s says that they’ll finally break a promise or tell a lie but can’t. Someone who is attracted to the carefree chaotic lifestyle. And yet, they do best with order. A journey of learning that lawful doesnt mean serious and that systems can be more of a powerhouse than anarchy, a leader who’s excellent about what they do, a steady hand to drive their story. love!!

NEUTRAL GOOD

This is probably me in real life. Someone who does what they think is best and stays in the moment. No specific loyalties or rules to follow, just on a personal adventure to do good. It’s so pure and simple. I like these characters (quackity is a neutral good and he is my favorite person so what can i say) a lot. I don’t know if I’m allowed to compliment them since its how i self identify though ahah

CHAOTIC GOOD

“I dont give a fuck” but ALSO good and kind???? Just like that???? Just effortlessly????? FUCK thats AMAZING and THE BEST ALIGNMENT holy SHIT i mean. “I’m going to do the right thing, but not YOUR right thing. I’m doing MY right thing”. So. Pretty. So strong. The true rebel, the true protagonist, the true showman who has the entire world watching. “Idk might solve world hunger I’m in a good mood”. Its so. Imperfect. Like their motives are so flimsy its AMAZINg. Maybe they saved the world for attention! Idk! I love them either way! They reveal their cure for cancer in a shitty google slideshow and hook up machines they designed to throw roses at them when theyre done! They catch one in their mouth! A hero of the story who is happy with themself and uses their trust in themself as the core of their strength and i just. Love these characters. (Not as much as lawful evil but second best for sure)

Oh ps the slideshow on Julia will be out today, sorry I’m a bit behind school has been cruel to me

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stereostevie · 4 years

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A brutal childhood, a traumatic marriage, decades of racism: the singer has overcome it all on her way to the top. She lets rip about the people who have wronged her and the self-belief that sustains her.

It is a rainy Thursday afternoon and Mariah Carey is talking to me from her home in Los Angeles, her voice coming through my laptop. Is this the real life or is this just fantasy? (Sweet, sweet fantasy …) “Hello, good morning, good afternoon, this is a little unusual,” says a gravelly voiced Carey. You’re telling me, Mariah.

We are talking by video chat, but – as specified by Carey – without the video turned on, so it is pure chat. Despite her ability to hit the high notes, Carey has always described herself as an alto. Yet even taking that into account, her voice today sounds pretty husky. Is she feeling OK?

“It’s 6am here, and I’m awake in the bright light and it’s fabulous and I love it,” she says and makes an exaggerated groan.

I’m sorry you had to get up so early for this interview, I say.

“Well, darling, then let’s not book interviews at 6am if you’re worried! But please, it’s not you,” she says, and indeed it isn’t. The time and date of our interview have moved around so many times to accommodate Carey’s ever-shifting schedule that, for a while, it looked as if it wouldn’t happen at all. But at the last minute, it was decided we would talk at 6am her time, which I was promised would be fine because Carey is a self-described “nocturnal person”, so that would be 6pm for her. Alas, for reasons too complicated to get into, for one night only, Carey was a non-nocturnal person, so now 6am is just 6am.

“Typically I would have been working [all night] until now, but we had a situation and I couldn’t. Then I tried to get some sleep, but actually I watched the interview I did with Oprah. But it’s OK, it was just one night [of no sleep] and here I am,” she says. You don’t become one of the most successful singer-songwriters of all time – she has sold more than 200m records, and only the Beatles have had more US No 1 songs – without being a trouper.

Carey, 50, has spent lockdown with her nine-year-old twins, Monroe, named for Carey’s hero, Marilyn Monroe, and Moroccan, named partly for one of her favourite rooms in one of her houses, the Moroccan room, “where so many creative and magical moments have happened, including Nick presenting me with my candy bling”. Nick is Nick Cannon, the twins’ father, and “candy bling” is Carey’s term for her engagement ring, which Cannon hid inside a sweet before proposing. Carey liked Cannon’s proposal so much that she even wrote a song about it, called Candy Bling. The marriage proved less enduring and the couple divorced in 2016.

“Honestly, I don’t miss anyone outside, so I don’t care about lockdown,” she says with a throaty laugh. “But it’s difficult for the kids, because they’re used to three-times-a-year Disney World moments and stuff like that, and that’s just not the current state of affairs.” It is not. So Carey is conducting the promotional tour for her memoir, The Meaning of Mariah Carey, from her kitchen table, and if she has her way – and who would dare to argue? – this will be the last round of interviews she ever does.

“No offence to doing interviews, but what would be the point? I can’t articulate it better than I already have [in the book]. From now on, I’m like, ‘Please refer to page 29,’ you know what I mean?” she says. Carey’s deliciously shady put-downs are legend: her “I don’t know her”, when asked almost two decades ago about Jennifer Lopez is still the internet’s most beloved diss. Speaking of Lopez, her name is notably not in Carey’s memoir. Instead, when recalling the hoo-hah that led to their fallout, when a sample Carey had planned to use on her single, Loverboy, appeared on Lopez’s I’m Real, Carey refers to her as a “female entertainer (whom I don’t know).” So is her official position still that she has never heard of Lopez?

There is a pause, then stifled laughter. “Oh my gosh, can you hear that music in the background? It’s Sam Cooke! It’s fantastic!” she giggles.

Not only has Carey not heard of Lopez, she cannot even hear questions about her, it seems.

Carey’s memoir is about a lot more than score-settling (although she makes time for that, too.) “I don’t think anyone could have known where I was coming from, because I was always very, I don’t know if it was protective, but I was cryptic about the past, let’s say,” she says. No more. The youngest child of an African American father and a white mother, Carey was three when her parents split up. Her childhood was threaded through with neglect and violence, not least from her older siblings. When she was six, she says, her older brother knocked her mother unconscious; when she was 12, her older sister allegedly drugged her and left her with creepy men.

“I think my staying up all night started from having such a dysfunctional family. Oftentimes, whoever was in the house was doing whatever it was that they were doing, and that felt kinda unsafe to me, so I started staying up,” she says. Another legacy of this time is Carey’s obsessive adoration of Christmas, because her childhood Christmases were so miserable. When she wrote the monster hit All I Want for Christmas Is You, she wanted, she says in her book, “to write a song that would make me feel like a carefree young girl at Christmas”.

As a child, her biracial identity made her feel she did not belong anywhere: she was so self-conscious about not being black enough that she wouldn’t even dance, as she associated that with black culture; meanwhile, white girls at school taunted her with the N-word. In one of Carey’s – and my – favourite chapters, she describes how her mother did not know how to look after her young daughter’s textured hair, so it was often matted. Carey would look enviously at the white women in shampoo adverts on TV with their flowing hair. “I am still obsessed with blowing hair, as evidenced by the wind machines employed in every photoshoot of me ever,” she writes.

One of the most painful moments in the book comes in 2001 when Carey is having what the press described as an emotional breakdown. (Carey writes that she did not have a breakdown, but “was broken down by the very people who were supposed to keep me whole.”) During this episode, she rages at her mother, who calls the police. The police take her mother’s side: “Even Mariah Carey couldn’t compete with a nameless white woman in distress,” Carey writes. Is that how she experienced it at the time, or is that how she feels generally, that not even she is safe if a white woman complains?

There is the briefest of pauses. “Those are my words, so please refer to page 29,” Carey says.

Race is very much the running theme in Carey’s memoir. This might come as some surprise to those who know her solely from the mega pop hits such as Hero and We Belong Together, as opposed to the more revealing songs, such as 1997’s Outside, which addressed her feelings of racial ambiguity (sample lyric: “Neither here nor there / Always somewhat out of place everywhere”). “I can’t help that I’m ambiguous-looking,” she says, “and most people would assume that it’s been to my benefit, and maybe it has in some ways. But it’s also been a lifelong quest to feel like I belong to any specific group. It shouldn’t have to be such a freaking thing – and please edit out the fact that I said ‘freaking’. I’m not very eloquent right now.” I ask if she was at all influenced during the writing of her book by the rise of Black Lives Matter. She dismisses the question: “Interestingly, this book predates everything that’s happening now, and the book just happened to be very timely.” In other words, Carey hasn’t caught up to the times, the times have caught up to Carey.

Despite her omnipresence over the past three decades, it is possible that you have not thought about her ethnicity. This, Carey says, has been part of the problem: from the start, she was marketed by “the powerful corporate entities” in a way that played down her racial identity. What made this even more complicated for her was that the most powerful corporate entity in charge of her career at the beginning was her first husband, Tommy Mottola, then the CEO of Sony Music.

Carey’s discovery by Mottola is the stuff of music industry legend. The then unknown aspiring singer gave him a tape of her music at a party in 1988. Mottola tracked her down, signed her and, a few years later, married her. She was 23 and he was 44. Within just a few pages in her memoir, she goes from wearing her mother’s busted shoes to work to living in a $30m mansion with Mottola, which she decorated with enthusiasm: “Though by no stretch do I like a rustic look, I do have a preference for tumbled marble on my kitchen floors,” she writes. Adjusting to the high life was not difficult.

The hits – I’ll Be There, Emotions, One Sweet Day – were unstoppable. The Mottola-Carey marriage did not fare as well, imploding in 1997. Carey expands at some length on her previous allusions to Mottola’s controlling tendencies, claiming he would spy on her and that she was effectively a prisoner in the house. In his 2013 memoir, Mottola admits his relationship with Carey was “absolutely wrong and inappropriate” and adds: “If it seemed like I was controlling, I apologise. Was I obsessive? Yes, but that was also a part of the reason for her success.” Carey points out that she went on to have nine hit albums without Mottola’s controlling obsession. She writes that Mottola tried to “wash the urban” off her, recoiling at Carey’s increasing leaning towards hip-hop and collaborations with African American artists such as ODB. “I believe I said ‘urban, translation black,’ just in case anyone thinks I don’t know,” Carey corrects me. Does she think that was just for commercial purposes, or was something else going on with Mottola? “In my opinion there was a lot of other stuff going on there,” she says.

It must have been pretty upsetting to revisit that period during the writing, I say.

“Yes it was traumatic, but was it harder than some of the other things I’ve gone through? Maybe yeah, actually,” she says with a rueful laugh. “I don’t know if I’ll ever fully recover from the damage of that emotional abuse. But in my school of thought, you have to be a forgiving person.”

Carey is extraordinarily honest in her memoir, but the book is almost as striking for what she does not include as what she does. A lot of attention has focused on her confirmation that she did, as long rumoured, have a fling with the former baseball star Derek Jeter (“I’m not being shady, but he had on pointy shoes,” she recalls a little shadily of their first meeting.) But there is no mention of other boyfriends, such as her former fiancé, the Australian billionaire James Packer.

“If it was a relationship that mattered, it’s in the book. If not, it didn’t occur,” she says.

But you were engaged to Packer, I say.

“We didn’t have a physical relationship, to be honest with you,” she says.

And that is that.

Carey’s singing voice made her famous, but her penchant for being thrillingly, hilariously high-maintenance played its own part in shaping her legend. On an episode of MTV Cribs, she explained that she had a chaise longue in her kitchen because “I have a rule against sitting up straight”, and she has talked about bathing only in milk. Does she think she is high-maintenance – and, if so, does she think it is because she came from nothing?

“You know what? I don’t give a shit. I fucking am high-maintenance because I deserve to be at this point. That may sound arrogant, but I hope you frame it within the context of coming from nothing. If I can’t be high-maintenance after working my ass off my entire life, oh, I’m sorry – I didn’t realise we all had to be low-maintenance. Hell, no! I was always high-maintenance, it’s just I didn’t have anyone to do the maintenance when I was growing up!” she says and cackles with delight.

By now it is almost 7am for her and she is wide awake. I tell her I enjoyed all the references in her book to her enjoying “a splash of wine”.

“Oh, do you? Do you love a splash for yourself?” she asks, pleased.

I do, but I was intrigued by her description of a night out with her friends, including Cam’Ron and Juelz Santana, when they were all “high” on “purple treats”. What were these “purple treats”?

“A legal substance in California known as mari-ju-ana. It’s called purple because that’s the particular weed they liked,” she says.

And did she like it?

“Are you enquiring for yourself or are you asking if I enjoyed it?” she says, mock coy.

I am asking if you enjoyed it, Mariah.

“No, I hated it,” she deadpans, then laughs. “I’m sorry, but it’s obvious!”

I have been interviewing famous people for a long time, but talking with Carey is the closest I have come to how I imagine it would have been to spend time with Bette Davis or Aretha Franklin. There are lots of ridiculous modern celebrities, but Carey is not like that. With her mix of slightly self-parodic ridiculousness undercut with no-messin’, true-to-herself honesty, she is a proper grande dame of the old school. A diva, in other words. It is a term she has laboured under throughout her career, and it is unlikely she will escape it, even if people now finally know where she is coming from. Does she mind the D-word?

“No! Who the fuck cares?” she laughs. “Honestly! ‘Oh my God, they’re calling me a diva – I think I’m going to cry!’ You think in the grand scheme of things in my life that really matters to me, being called a diva? I am, bitches, that’s right!”

The Meaning of Mariah Carey (Macmillan, £20) and The Rarities (Sony Music) are out now.

• This article was amended on 5 October 2020 to clarify that it is in the United States where Mariah Carey is second only to the Beatles in terms of having the most No 1 singles.

#mariah carey #music #culture #pop and rock #soul

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michaelmilkers · 5 years

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I saw in one of your tags that you mentioned how 21 pilots made emo pretentious and im actually curious about why you say that (not hate i just never knew about them that much)

my friend you have asked me about a topic i am very knowledgeable and very angry about so prepare yourself for what you have wrought

it isnt just twenty one pilots but theyre just the biggest and most popular example

like. take my chemical romance in the early-mid 2000s aka the peak of emo. it was very melodramatic and theatrical, the way emo should be. there was a presence of “we are not like other people” in a lot of the songs, but it was never just that. it was more of a “we have been cast out and we kinda suck but thats okay.” one of the best examples of this is, ironically, i’m not okay.

take, for example, the opening to the mtv music video:

[Ray] You like D&D, Audrey Hepburn, Fangoria, Harry Houdini and croquet. You can't swim, you can't dance and you don't know karate. Face it, you're never gonna make it. [Gerard] I don't wanna make it, I just wanna...

this immediately establishes the song as being about social outcasts and people who dont fit the mold. the fucking tag line of the song is “i’m not okay” ffs, that really tells you all you need to know about the song. but the important thing is it doesnt take itself too seriously either. the music video takes place in a private school, and shows scenes of the band members eating lunch alone, being bullied by jocks and preps, etc., but it ALSO shows scenes of frank putting swim goggles on in chemistry class and ray drawing on his test with a crayon and then licking it, and at the end they all ambush and beat the shit out of a guy in a mascot costume. all of this is cut up by text saying things like “if you ever felt alone” “if you ever felt wronged” “if you ever felt anxious”

do you see the juxtaposition here? the music video could very very easily be a fake deep bullying psa, but its not, because while theyre getting bullied and playing their music in a garage they are also, unequivocally, total fucking losers for obvious comedic effect. it is a very exaggerated and lighthearted version of real phenomena, which makes it more relatable to a wider audience.

the same can be said about the song itself. it has some pretty heavy and angsty lyrics (”i’m not o-fucking-kay”) but the instrumentals are punchy and energetic and catchy and gerard’s vocal delivery is very theatrical but also very deliberate and he still puts real emotion in the words. it sounds like its taking the piss out of not being okay, which is exactly what i as a clinically depressed 13 year old needed, and i bet a lot of other people can say the same. i’m a loser and thats okay. i fucking suck in school and thats okay. i feel shitty and thats okay. i’m not okay and that, in itself, is okay.

with twenty one pilots, on the other hand, there is no theatrics, theres no taking the piss, theres no over-the-top melodrama that made emo what it was.

take, for comparison, the opening lines of heathens:

All my friends are heathens, take it slow Wait for them to ask you who you know Please don't make any sudden moves You don't know the half of the abuse

and this presents, immediately, one of my biggest criticisms of twenty one pilots: their rampant appropriation of mental illness.

because my first thought when hearing this is as an abuse survivor and someone with ptsd they can kiss every single square inch of my ass.

Welcome to the room of people Who have rooms of people that they loved one day Docked away Just because we check the guns at the door Doesn't mean our brains will change from hand grenades You're loving on the psychopath sitting next to you You're loving on the murderer sitting next to you You'll think, "How'd I get here, sitting next to you?"

they try to do the same kind of nuanced poetic lyrics that my chemical romance did and in my opinion is just doesnt fucking work because they take themselves SO. FUCKING. SERIOUSLY. it sounds JOYLESS.

and the song closes out with this:

Why'd you come? You knew you should have stayed (It's blasphemy) I tried to warn you just to stay away (Away) And now they're outside ready to bust (To bust) It looks like you might be one of us

this is what i mean by pretentious. there is a clear separation of the person/people from whose point of view the song is told and the people the song is meant to be listened to by from the greater population, but theres no high energy or comedic self deprecation to counteract it.

now take some lyrics from heavydirtysoul, a song i actually really like the sound of, im not just shitting on this band bc its not to my taste yall:

There's an infestation in my mind's imagination I hope that they choke on smoke 'cause I'm smoking them out the basement This is not rap, this is not hip-hop Just another attempt to make the voices stop

Nah, I didn't understand a thing you said If I didn't know better I'd guess you're all already dead Mindless zombies walking around with a limp and a hunch Saying stuff like, "You only live once." You've got one time to figure it out One time to twist and one time to shout One time to think and I say we start now Sing it with me if you know what I'm talking about

right back at it again with that appropriation of mental illness symptoms! and some dumbass critique of our generation that doesnt fit in with the rest of the song at all, closing out the verse with “we are not like you” shit. the vocal delivery at least has more energy than heathens, but the lyrics just feel like a mishmash of different points theyre trying to make that have nothing to do with each other.

the best line of the song is undoubtedly “death inspires me like a dog inspires a rabbit” but its poetic just... for the sake of being poetic? its one of those lyrics that sounds like someone came up with and was like “bro we gotta put that in a song” but then couldnt actually figure out how to fit it into a song in a way that would flow. another example of this is “i cant drown my demons they know how to swim” in bring me the horizon’s can you feel my heart. not shitting on bring me the horizon, i really like sempiternal, but thats another line thats just poetic for the sake of being poetic. and to be put on t-shirts. i know this because when i was 12 i had a shirt that said “i cant drown my demons they know how to swim” on it.

i could do more analysis on other mcr songs, namely welcome to the black parade and famous last words, but i would be here for literal hours and idk if people actually care that much.

to sum my points up:

they take themselves too seriously. they appropriate and romanticize mental illness (forgot to mention that top’s website, at one time, described their music as “schizoid pop” lol). they pull a lot of “We Are Not Like Other People..,.,.,,...” shit.

that last point is not inherently a bad thing, for example the new slipknot album is literally called “we are not your kind” but the song that contains that line as a lyric is all out life, and corey taylor is screaming that entire song and the instrumentals are reminiscent of speed metal with how fucking energetic they are. its edgy and its GREAT. twenty one pilots just sounds like they think theyre the shit.

also, and i want you to read the following sentence in a bass boosted voice to best understand how i feel when i say this:

the twenty one pilots cover of cancer is an embarrassment that completely misses the point of the original song and changed it into a weird amalgamation of lo-fi synth pop.

emo music is dead. thank u and goodnight.

#Anonymous

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angrylizardjacket · 6 years

Text

a process {John Deacon}

Anon asked: Could you write something where reader (possibly in the band) and deaky are totally in love with each other but both are too shy to say anything and oblivious to see the others feelings but at the end the get together and it’s 100% fluff? Thank u sm your fics are gold

A/N: 3169 words. If I recall, some people wanted some Deaky fic?? He’s so lovely and this was a lot of fun to write!! Again, this is the BoRhap!Deaky. Also I wrote half of this at work; this is university funded fic ladies and gentlemen.

“Alright, boys, jus’ letting you know we’ve got a new intern in today; Y/N, she’s going to be shadowing me.” The sound designer, Earl, a skinny gentleman who always seemed to be wearing black, denim shorts no matter the weather, announces your arrival over the microphone to the recording studio where the band was discussing what song to practice next. In the next moment, you have four pairs of eyes all watching you through the glass of the sound studio, and you give a nervous wave back.

“Hello.” You offer, awkwardly, and Earl leans in to the microphone on the desk.

“She says hello.” He informs the others, and you feel like an idiot. Fortunately, the men all wave back, giving quick greetings of their own, before going back to their discussion.

“They’re good.” Earl, pulled up a spare chair for you by the desk, checking the levels as they started up on a new song. From anyone else, the words would sound like a mild compliment at best, but from Earl, who you’ve known practically forever, he was a friend of the familys’, and he did not shy away from complaining about the ‘teeny bopper drivel’ he had to make sound half-decent, you knew it was closer to a round of applause.

“Intern? Does that mean you get us drinks?” They’re actually recording now, one at a time, while the rest of them lounged around on the other side of the room with you. You’re perched on the edge of your chair by the sound desk when the drummer, Roger, speaks to you. Their lead singer, Freddie was at that moment, currently in the recording studio, crooning into the microphone with his headphones on, and it takes you a moment to turn and consider what he had said.

“I mean… yeah, I guess?” Looking to Earl to either confirm or deny the request, he’s focused on the sound desk, just waves you off with a distracted affirmation. A grin stretches over Roger’s face.

“Bourbon, thanks.” And his grin only got wider at your sudden confusion.

“Water for him.” Pipes up the bass player, John, sitting against the wall with his ankles crossed, smiling up at you. “And one for me too, if it’s not too much trouble.” Relieved, you smiled back at him despite Roger’s protests. “You want anything, Bri?” John asked their guitarist, and you ended up getting drinks for everyone. Thankful that they kept fresh bottles in the break room, you returned as Freddie stepped out of the sound booth, and his recording was played back. His smile was stiff as you handed him a water bottle, though it was probably because he was trying to concentrate on the playback of his vocals than any malice towards you. Roger accepted the drink begrudgingly, and Brian smiled at you.

“I’m John, by the way.” Holding out his hand to you, you bent down to shake John’s hand where he was still sitting on the floor.

“I know,” you answered automatically, though he could see the regret on your face as soon as you said it, “I mean, we can hear you guys from in there, talking and everything,” you tried to explain yourself, still shaking his hand. After a long moment silence, he’s still looking at you with a bewildered, but pleasant smile. “I’m Y/N.” You finally manage.

“I know.” And he’s grinning at you, amused as you finally retract your hand to cross your arms over your chest. “You were introduced.” Pointing at Earl, you followed his gaze to the sound desk and the glass window, through which you could see Freddie setting up for another take.

“I’m Roger.” Roger offers from the side, and he seems to be splitting his focus between you and the singer.

“He’s Roger.” John muttered, much more quietly. How he was able to verbally communicate a fond eye-roll, you may never know.

“What does this one do?” Three weeks into your three month internship, and you’re minding the desk while Earl’s on break, slapping away John’s hands as he tries to get near the buttons.

“I don’t know.” You laughed for the fourth time in a row, pushing his hands gently from the desk.

“This one makes things loud, right?” His fingers edge towards one of the faders and you can see the grin he wears as he watches your expression closely, deciding if you’re going to slap him away from it again. The others have gone to get lunch and he’s keeping you company. He’s been doing that a lot recently, and you wouldn’t say you minded. John’s good company, unexpectedly sharp, and he always seems happy to see you.

“You probably shouldn’t touch that one; it’s for your bass.” You raised your eyebrows at him, lips twitching as you repressed a smile, watching him retract his hand to fold it in his lap.

“So that one’s for the bass, but what about the others?” He asked, nodding to the other faders, and you shrugged.

“Not sure.” Your response only made him smile wider.

“But you know which one the bass one is?” He asked, and you let yourself smile at him, a little more mischievous than was strictly necessary.

“Maybe I just told you that so you wouldn’t touch it.” There’s an unspoken challenge in your words, and his fingers danced along the bottom of the soundboard, just below where the masking tape labels for the faders have all worn away. There’s a moment, he’s hovering over one that looks like it’s labelled ‘Mic 2’ and you’re hand is already raised ready to knock him back, when the door bursts open and the others all spill in.

“Alright, out of my seat.” Earl pulls the rolling chair back with you still in it, and you obligingly hop out. “You didn’t touch anything, did you?” He asked, just like he had every single time since he’d first trusted you to look over it while he was gone.

“Yeah, Deaky, did you-” Roger’s wearing a shit-eating grin, but the bass player has hopped out of the seat that usually belongs to you, to make a beeline for the recording studio.

“Oh shut it, Rog,” he snaps, and though you can’t see the blush rising on his cheeks, he knows it’s there. “No.” He adds, and Roger’s exaggerated eye-roll, and the comment he had made, make you blush also, but you’re not entirely sure why, or at least, you won’t admit to yourself why.

“Okay, take, uh, take six? Take six of Killer Queen’s bass.” You stumbled over your words while speaking over the microphone into the recording booth where John waited with headphones on. He gave you a thumbs up, which you missed, searching for the button to play back the other accompaniment into his headphones. After a moment of fumbling, Earl pointed the button out to you, giving you a longsuffering smile as the music began to play back. The other band members quietly discussed the logistics of the song as you watched Earl gently adjust the sound levels every few moments. Sparing a glance to John through the glass, you get a little lost for a moment, watching his intense concentration as he worked his way through the song. He had an intensity about him, the utmost concentration that made you not want to look away. Finishing without a single note missed, he looks up to see you looking back at him, a little starry-eyed, and he grins back.

“Wow.” You breathe, before turning bright red, feeling someone over your shoulder.

“She thinks it’s great.” Freddie pressed down the button, speaking into the microphone by your shoulder. John chuckled fondly, a little flush.

“I- yeah, thank you.” After a beat, he recomposed himself. “And you guys?” His gaze finally moved from your face to look over the others, who were all looking at either you or John smugly. Freddie stepped back from the console, crossing his arms over his chest with a smile as he looked between you two.

“She’s right.” Roger called from the sofa, splayed across it, partially leaning against Brian. After a beat, John gave him a confused look, tapping at the headphones. “Oi, tell ‘im.” Roger urged you, and tentatively you pressed the microphone button, leaning in to it.

“They agree.” And you watch him let out a sigh of relief as he goes to put his bass on it’s stand, making room for Brian to step in and start with his section. When he comes back into the room, John makes a beeline for the sofa, only to find Roger’s laid himself across it horizontally, taking up as much room as he possibly could.

“Sorry, mate.” The drummer grins, clearly not sorry at all. Even Freddie, who usually didn’t go in for this sort of stuff, was using the armrests of the armchair he had draped himself in, giving the bass guitarist a knowing smile, and a sly look to where you were receiving a quiet lesson faders from Earl as Brian began making sure his guitar was in tune.

“You’re doing really good,” John muttered to you from where he leaned against the wall close to the sound desk. You’d just called to start the guitar track and he was keeping his eyes on his bandmate. Startled, you slid the headphones from your ears where you were listening to make sure Brian was hearing the same thing you were.

“What?” Voice quiet, you looked up at John, and he finally looked away from Brian, smiling fondly at you.

“The whole intern thing, you’re doing really well.” And the resulting smile you gave him made you glow with pride. You’d been so worried that it had seemed like you were stumbling through your tasks, because, well, at times you were, but even a slight affirmation had you thrilled. After a beat, you tried to school face into something more serious as you tried not to let the embarrassing crush on him that had developed over the past few weeks show. He was a musician and you were an intern, and it was just a little bit of a hero-crush, nothing to get too serious about. But he was smiling back at you, and it just made you feel warm; it didn’t have to be a bad thing if you didn’t let it.

Once the album is done, you still actually manage to see them around, at least for the first few weeks. You’d actually managed to score a job as an assistant from the internship, and they were in often discussing the plans of their tour. Every time they spotted you in the halls, the others would conveniently vanish the moment John asked how you’d been. It hurt a little, to think about how you wouldn’t see them, see him, for a few months, or perhaps even a year, but you thought perhaps it would be a good thing, letting your little crush die.

“I’ll really miss working with you.” But then he had to go and say that, smiling in that way that made everything seem alright, and he wrapped an arm around you in a hug. He’s not usually a tactile person, from what you’ve gathered, and it takes a moment for you to find your voice.

“I’ll miss,” the words get stuck in your throat a little, “working with you too.” He gives you a comforting squeezes, and you’re not sure what to do about the way your heart beats a little faster, so you let him leave. He hesitates for a moment, seems like he doesn’t want to go, or has something to say. You see something in his smile, maybe a little sadness, maybe something else you can’t quite place, and you both know it’ll be a while before you see each other again.

“Is Y/N going to be here?” John’s bopping slightly to the beat in his head as he watches Earl set up the sound equipment on the farm.

“She’ll be here tomorrow.” Earl doesn’t look up from his job while Roger yells at the same time, from the other room.

“No distractions!” And it’s accompanied by the thwap of Roger’s slipper hitting the glass of the window to the sound room, but he’s grinning at the bassist from where he’s sitting behind his drums. John refuses to read into that.

It’s been almost six months since you’d seen each other, and you’d jumped at the opportunity to join Earl and the boys a the farm, even if it is in the middle of nowhere, and you’d be sleeping on a sofa for a week. You arrived at the tail end of their stay, once the music was written, all that was left to do was record it.

He’s waiting out the front of the house, perched on the brick wall and eyeing off a large chicken who looked like it was ready to spook him, when Earl pulls up with you in the front seat.The noise of the van is enough to send the chicken scrambling in the other direction, but John waved at you, and there it was, that feeling in your chest that you’ve been trying to bury for six whole months practically leaping to life as you step out to hug him in greeting.

“Oi, Y/N, settle an argument for us.” When you walk into the kitchen in the morning, Brian is smiling despite the fact that he’s got bacon in his hair, Roger is hunched over eating the rest of the bacon, at least what wasn’t scattered on the floor, from the pan and refusing to share, and John was just smiling blithely into his coffee.

“What do you think of when you hear the phrase, ‘I’m in love with my car’.” John asked, not looking away from where Roger was glowering.

“Is it a nice car?” You asked, easily making your way around the kitchen to fix yourself breakfast, ignoring the way Roger perked up at the question.

“Like as a song, what do you think?” John’s smile as catty as you’ve ever seen it. When you ask what happened to the coffee pot as it lay on it’s side sink, John hands over his mug without hesitating, still waiting on your response.

“Well... is it a metaphor?” You asked, squinting between the three of them. After a beat, Roger slams the frypan on the table and throws his hands in the air.

“Yes, see she gets it!” And you’re pretty sure you’re on the wrong side of the table as John shakes his head.

“So you metaphorically are in love with your car?” You asked, rounding the bench to join John and Brian, who were now actively stifling laughter as Roger’s face fell. Resting against the bench by John, you’re close enough that he can lean his head against your shoulder in solidarity, taking back his coffee and having a pointed sip as your words set Roger off on another rant. If you lean into it a little, he doesn’t seem to mind, in fact, you don’t see it, but his smile widens.

When you hear John banging on the door of the farmhouse after you’ve finished helping pack everything up and Earl’s already locked everyone else out of the sound room for the rest of the night, it’s a shock.

“Tell her!” You can hear Roger’s shout on the other side of the door as John knocks louder.

“You really should just tell her.” Unexpectedly, even Freddie seems to agree with the drummer, though John shouts that he’ll catch his death of cold if they don’t let him in soon.

“Be an adult, John!” Brian tries to placate the bassist from the other side of the door where they’ve all teamed up against him. “Just tell her.”

“Be an adult?!” John parrots back, just before you get to them.

“Tell me what?” That shut them all up quick, and even before he turns to face you, you can tell he’s bright red. “I mean, I’m the only ‘her’ for what feels like a few hundred kilometres.” Smiling with confusion, you look to the door, and then to John. Someone whispers ‘tell her’.

“I want to see you again.” John lets the words tumble out into the world, hands out and open in front of him in some sort of ‘ta-da’ gesture, before looking over his shoulder. “Can I come back inside now?”

“What? No.” You can hear Roger’s baffled expression in his words, and it’s joined by a hum of agreement from Freddie.

“He’s right, Deaky, that was a terrible declaration of lov-” John’s pulling you away by the elbow before you could hear the rest of Freddie’s statement, though you got the general gist of it.

“You know what, maybe we’re better off out here.” He huffs, unable to look at you as he tugs you towards the wall.

“Slow down, slow down.” Once at the wall, you tug free from his grip and lean against it, watching him fidget. “You like me?” You asked, half smile forming on your lips.

“We’re not high schoolers, Y/N.” He tried dodging the question with a self-deprecating smile. Taking a step forward, you finally got him to look at you. “You know, it was weird, caring about you so much after only three months.” He admitted, studying your features with an intensity you had only seen him get around music, it made you feel like the only person in the world that mattered in that one moment. “It was weird, looking up on stage and not seeing you in the crowd.” He paused for a moment. “And I don’t want that to be our only interaction, just recording music together, I wanna take you take you to all the sights I got to see, but just... just because I want to see them with you.” When his gaze dropped, it felt as if the moment had passed, but you didn’t want to leave it just yet. Gently, you took his hand, and when his eyes met yours, you were smiling, a bit pink in the cheeks, but so obviously full of joy.

“I’d like that,” and after a beat, you moved in to press a kiss to his lips, soft and chaste. “I missed you... so much more than I thought I would.” You chuckled softly, moving back just a little. “I honestly thought you wouldn’t-”

“No, I did.” He looked away, a little embarrassed, and you could see the flush of his cheeks. “The, uh, the boys will attest to that.” He admitted, and that’s when you remembered, feeling the biting chill of the night air finally begin to hit you.

“Do you think they’ve unlocked the door?” You asked, looking over his shoulder. His expression fell as the two of you began to walk hand in hand back to the farmhouse.

“It doesn’t actually lock, they were just all leaning against it.”

#john deacon #john deacon x reader #john deacon imagine #borhap #bohemian rhapsody #joe mazzello #queen #queen imagine #bo rhap #the angry lizard writes

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movedtoprsmise · 6 years

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Please tell us about the concert and

Did they sounding similar like in albums(while they sung) and in fancams? Could you describe them for me and army’s who can not see them now(after your sleep) P.s. everything you remember 💜

————

hi babe, ofc i can do that for u! i hope you get to see them someday 💞

i would say that while singing they do sound like the recording, if not better! after always hearing from shitty fans that jimin can’t sing live i was actually really surprised at his immense amount of talent coming out of him, both in his dancing and his vocals! im really really proud of him 😞things i noticed that you might not really notice from fancams or other videos: - namjoon loves the stage!! when you watch him up there you can tell he’s proud of how far they’ve come and you can tell he loves the attention being on him. he smiles a lot and comes off with like a soft/sweet but cocky persona on stage with his mannerisms, such as getting shy and smiling down at the ground right before peering up through his lashes all sexy to get the fans to go wild. everyone says jimin is the biggest tease, and he is!, but namjoon is a close second if you ask me. during Trivia: Love he even swung his jacket off one of his shoulders to make us scream more and then he smiled big and put it back on. he has a huge stage presence and is just incredible!! and soso genuine and charming when he speaks with the crowd. he called us beautiful more than one and it was seriously .. so so sweet💗 - yoongi has the same kind of soft/cocky vibe but he’s a lot more shy about it. he does a lot of small smirks when he hears the fans screaming for him and they seem shy half smiles but also like “hell yeah 😏.” if that makes sense fjjdndn and you can also tell how much he loves being on stage. everyone was shocked by how loud we screamed for him when he was about to say something to us and his face was soso cute ): he’s rlyrly pretty in person, too! - hobi is the life of the stage a lot of the time! they all get hyped during hype songs but it seems like hobi never really calms down on stage and he’s really stunning in the way he interacts with the fans! he came to our side of the stage a lot and looked into everyone’s eyes (including me, i died) and smirked when someone flipped out over it. his stage presence is really sexy when he’s performing, my jaw hung open the majority of Trivia: Just Dance because like .. the man was feelin himself and it was just woah😳 but when he speaks to the fans he’s SO cute and silly, his intro is one of the cutest things ive ever seen ): - tae and jungkook were really really cute. im clumping them together because they had the exact same stage presence which was really cutesy and silly as long as they werent doing choreo! throughout the show they probably came to our spot the most as well as hobi and like almost immediately when tae came to our side he was giggling and hugging his mic to his chest like a little kid and bringing his shoulders up all cute and sweet 😣 and during Answer: Love Myself jungkook was the same! supersuper giggly and just looked like he wanted to have fun with army as he waved his arms from side to side with the beat. they were adorable and unbelievably attractive in person. taehyung looks like art ): - jin either gave off crackhead energies or angel energies, there was never an inbetween with him hdjdjdn his english was really cheesy and funny to me and, as you know, he likes to make a big show out of his blown kisses and you could just see the other members staring at him and shaking their heads bc theyre so done w him fjdjdndn he was gorgeous in person and looked like he was somehow always waiting for his chance to do something cheesy and lame that would endear the hell out of the crowd. the screams for him were so loud !! - i kinda spoke about jimin at the top but i gotta talk about him some more bc ,u know 😔 so jimin was beyond beautiful. on stage he gives it his all in every single way possible, the choreo is sharp and sometimes almost exaggerated with the amount of effort he puts into his movements but theyre fluid and graceful and he’s just. he was meant to be on stage dancing for people who love him the way he needs and wants to be loved, u know? he loves to make fans smile by looking into their faces and smiling at them. i made eyecontact with him 2 or 3 times i believe and it shocked the wind out of me, i couldnt breathe ): his stage presence is like a mix of namjoons and tae/jungkooks bc he’s really giggly and smiley with the members and also with the fans but when he’s putting on his own little show he’s all teasing and all parted lips with sultry eyes, he’s incredibly stunning and 110% will snatch ur bias away from you like he did with many fans these last two concert dates 🤧 it seemed like nobody really know how to respond to him and his antics but he was made for the stage just like the others were. seeing him made me cry repeatedly, i think if he hadn’t been there i wouldn’t have cried as hard or as many times as i did but my love was overwhelming and i was overwhelmed with the amount of love i felt i was getting back from him. 😔💓💞

these are just some things i needed to get off of my chest about the members ): camping out with the roaches and getting a minimum of 2 hours of sleep after being awake for 30+ hours straight was more than worth it 😣💕

#asks #anon #long post #180906 #ly tour d4

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things-i-want-2-tell-u-but-cant · 6 years

Text

12/12/18 - 9.39 pm

I’m broken and numb. My mind is fuzzy, my stomach is in knots and I feel sick. I don’t know what to think, feel or do. Everything is up in the air and I hate it. I hate all of this.

After 7 months with you, going on 8, I never expected us to be in this position. Tip toeing around our problems, hurting each other. I have never been so unhappy as I have been this past month. And don’t think I’m blaming this on you, because I’m not. I know I am just as much to blame, if not more. After our talk on Friday I’ve realised that a lot of our problems have come from me. I say things expecting you to realise what I’m meaning, when you take everything at face value and dont read into anything. Which, I would say is probably the only cause of our problems really... and for that I am so fucking sorry. My heart is literally aching thinking about everything I’ve caused.

You’ve told me before that I need to be honest, and to tell you things - the reason you’re perspective has changed. And that I understand, but I hope you can see things from my side and see my reasoning behind why I can’t. The truth is I’m terrified. As it is, I don’t know what you want. And I feel like if I tell you the truth and how I’m feeling... I’ll ruin every chance with you and you’re going to leave if you don’t like what I have to say. And I know that probably won’t happen. But at the moment I feel like I am gripping onto us by a thread.

Which is where the whole things with other girls come in. It is true, I did tell you that it was okay to see other people. But I didn’t actually mean it in a sense. When I found out that you were talking to Khadra and that it seemed more than I thought it was... I was hurt. My heart broke and my stomach dropped. Truth be told, I knew the whole day while you were at my house on Sunday, I just didn’t want to let you know it effected me so much. But from that, I instantly felt like I wasn’t enough for you. You already had told me you wanted nothing from me but a friendship, you had been messaging girls on tinder asking to meet up and god knows what else... so thats why I said it was okay. Because after saying that you would either tell me you didn’t want to - and tell me I was enough for you.... or you would go to other chicks and prove that you didn’t want me at all... which unfortunately is what happened. And in my mind I already don’t feel good enough. So instantly all I could see was that you had found someone skinnier, prettier funnier and probably nicer than me. And that hurt. I’m not blaming it on you at all either, I just wanted to explain the reasoning behind why I said it and then got so upset by it all - its 100% still my fault it happened.

Another thing I accept is that my type of communication is not the best. I struggle a lot to be able to say what I’m thinking - like forming the words is really hard for me and something I struggle with a lot. I generally have so much going on in my head that the only way I can make it make sense is by writing it all down - which is why I generally send you long messages like this haha (SORRY). But yeah so thats why it also may seem like I may hold back. Just know, it isn’t because I dont want you to know, its because Im literally just overwhelmed by emotion and I can’t make sense of it until I am able to sit down and write it all down. If i dont it literally will take me days to realise what the fuck is going on haha. But if you decide to take a shot on me - I’ve got a way around this dont you worry!

I apologize for everything I have said to you the past week - I know some of it would have been hard to hear and probably hurt you.. I didn’t intend on that. I think I’ve just been hurting for so long, I couldn’t it anymore. The truth is, I don’t think I can do the just friends thing. I tried my hardest, I really did. But at the end of the day I love you. And i know you don’t feel the same. But I just can’t sit there while I’m just “one of the boys” to you and I consider you to be my whole word (little bit of an exaggeration but ya get my point).

You told me that I need to look at myself in a more positive light... And I get that. But one part of that is realizing I deserve better than just to be some girl who sits there waiting on a man she loves hand and foot while Theres a good chance that he could be fucking some other girl the whole time without her knowing. And I know that’s probably dramatic in your eyes. But I’ve spent so many years of my life doing this for other guys. I sit around, giving them my all, only to get sidelined and used as a toy when theyre bored or in between girlfriends. I love you with all of my heart but I don’t want to go back to that. To feeling useless and worthless.

So the choice is yours. I don’t expect you to come up with an answer within a day. You can take as long as you want or need. But before you do. Theres some things I need you to know.

Firstly, I know you’re used to people leaving. But i swear to you, that isn’t going to happen with me. If anything, the past few weeks have proved that. Even in the hardest of times, like the past month, I will choose you. I will fight for you the whole way through, and never ever give up on you if you let me. And I also know, that its also YOU having to leave which scares you. But i hope you get that if we’re together, I would go with you as soon as I could. And until that day I would save every cent I had to be able to visit you every chance I have. I would call you every day. I would do everything I could to stick by your side. Because I know you haven’t had much of a chance to have someone do that, to have someone that stays by your side no matter what happens and no matter what the distance. But i promise you, if given the chance, I would do that all for you and so much more. Because, believe it or not I have the same fear. You’re the only person who has stayed... everyone else, even my friends has given up on me. Even my family. When i moved up to Auckland I literally went 6 months without once seeing my mum. So i know what its like for people to be ripped away from you or to leave your life.. and I would never ever put you through that. I’m sticking with ya until the day you tell me youre done.

I also need you to know that it’s okay. You have this strong fear associated with me. You’re so worried and scared that you’re going to hurt me or fuck my life up. And because of that you hold me at arms length. Every time you let me close and become vulnerable, you push me away and go back to wanting nothing to do with me. I know you think you’re a mess. That could be true, but fuck. Look at me, I’m the biggest mess of them all. But that doesn’t mean anything. It doesnt mean you dont deserve love, it doesnt mean you’re going to hurt everyone in you’re life who gets close to you. We have a lot to still learn about ourselves, and thats okay. But I need you to know that I’m willing to go through that all with you. We’ve grown so much as people in the last 7 months, just imagine what we can achieve with more time. And if you haven’t fucked my life up by now, I’m pretty sure that it won’t happen considering I’m growing stronger every day.

And that’s another thing. I still don’t think you believe how much you mean to me. Like Tira and I constantly told you on Friday but you wouldn’t accept it. And I think the one thing that highlights that, is the fact that after feeling the way I’ve been feeling and after everything, I’m still here. Even when I said we were done - I couldnt help but message you everyday. I was constantly wondering if you were okay, etc. You’re the first person I’ve even done this with, trying to talk everything out. Usually I would give up and just walk away. But with you... I can’t.

I know I probably sound fucking crazy (my bad if i do), I just love you.

I love the fact that you can write a rap in less than an hour - and a fucking good rap at that. I love the way you get self conscious and shy when you tell me about the things you like or find funny and always do the typical “hahhahaha nah i dont know”. I love the way you’re starting to open up to me, like on Sunday morning telling me about your childhood and your songs. I love the way even when you thought you hated me, you still went out of your way to check if I was alright. I love the way how you always put me first - like you were so mad and upset on Sunday morning but as soon as you saw I was crying you like melted and were so kind to me. I love the way I feel so comfortable at youre house, like ugh, I adore your mum shes so lovely. I love the way you make me feel at home, something I haven’t felt since I was year 6. I love the way you believe in me more than anyone else i know, and even when we’re not in a good space, you still stand up for me. Theres not one thing I don’t love about you, apart from you’re farts, those are raaank. But at the end of the day what I’m trying to say is there isn’t anything you could do that would make me hate you. We’re young, we have so much to learn about ourselves and each other. There are going to be days when we want to kill each other. Theres days where we may hurt each other. But I know for a fact, that we care for each other so much, and only want the best for each other. I just idunno, I’ve spent over half a year with you... and ive enjoyed myself so much it feels like its only been about 3 months. I wouldnt have wanted to spend the time with anyone else and im so greatful and appreciative of you.

I’m not asking you for the world. I’m not expecting you to want to be in a relationship with me and start calling me you’re girlfriend over night. Thats unrealistic. But for me, It’s more a choice of whether you want to pursue other girls like khadra, megan and morgan. Or you want to delete your tinder, and give us a shot. We can still start off as friends. We dont have to have sex, or kiss or hold hands - i mean i love doing all of that and would do it in a heartbeat. But what im trying to say is I dont have any expectations. I just want to know if you’re willing to take a shot on me and not flirt with other girls, etc.... or if I should do everything in my power to move on from you and let you be...

Either way, just know that you’re an amazing person. you deserve the absolute world and the best love the world can give. And i’m sorry if you dont think I can give that to you

hope work isnt too bad tomorrow! Wish you were coming to graduation with me - Im going to miss you. LY xx

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