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ashes-writing · 11 months

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stranger things ● forever pt 4 ● s.harrington

warnings

[ multi chapter ] angst - so much internal angst, past traumas / dealing with the fallout, robin's falling in love with Barb / struggling with how and whether to risk it all and come out, you/reader have a 3 year old so.. dad!steve and baby talk because your kid is still grasping the art of talking.

reader/you is female with female parts + appearance, a 3 year old named Stevie. reader/you are also the cousin to Robin Buckley. reader/you also has a past, your own traumas and personality. this is self indulgent and i do not apologize, not even a little.

word count + prev. part

pt 3 <- can be read by click.

4549 exactly.

summary

Barb's car pulls to a stop behind Steve's car and Robin's entire face lights up. "And that's my cue. Hey.." Robin looks from you to Steve, "Why don't you guys hang out tonight?"

You know perfectly well what she's up to. From the way Steve shuffles his feet, you can safely assume he knows too. He starts to beg off, protest, do something because he doesn't want to impose. And he's just about to when you speak up. "I don't mind..Unless you don't want to, Steve?" he's shocked that you're saying it, he wasn't expecting it.

He chuckles quietly. "Yeah. I'd like that."

taglist + shoutouts

taglist is here <- click to add yourself. if you're here for gareth/eddie or other ST men..lemme know.

@allelitesmut @caravelofthesun @chaoticcancer @dylanwritesgood @eddiemuns0nl0ver @just-a-blue-nerd @jaydaaasworld @music4life42 @slyisbehindyou @spaceconveyor & @tbmunson bestie ilysm and i'm so happy to have you to bother you with my weird ideas you're amazing omg.

other links

masterlist ● steve's masterlist ● about + rules

FOUR

Stevie is coloring quietly. You're flipping through channels on the TV and unwinding after work. The faintest echo of the car door as it slams outside of the trailer has you turning to look out the window of the trailer. Steve's car is sitting in the driveway and as soon as Stevie realizes, she's making her way to the door. You slip out of your seat and pick her up, wandering out into the yard.

You tell yourself it's just so you can let Stevie see Steve but deep down, you know it's not only that. You're not prepared to admit it to yourself but there it is. The truth.

Steve is leaned against the driver side of his car and he's twisting his keys around his finger as he talks to Robin. Stevie climbs down from your arms and runs over, hugging against Robin's legs. Robin picks her up and lets her get comfortable and you lean against the side of Steve's car. Just close enough that the side of your body brushes right against his. Steve glances over at you.

"How's the job going?" he asks.

You laugh. "Today was long. So long. I think I sorted paperwork and files until I thought my eyes were gonna bleed." you open your eyes and give a tired smile. "The good news is that Stevie seems okay in their daycare so far. I think she's even made a friend."

Steve chuckles quietly. "That's good."

Stevie scrambles down from Robin's arms to tug at Steve's pants legs. Steve bends down, scooping her up and she nuzzles her face into his neck, yawning. "I tired. Played wit other girl today."

Steve chuckles. "You did, huh?"

"Mhm. Had fun." Stevie yawns again. "I missed you and aunt Wobin."

Barb's car pulls to a stop behind Steve's car and Robin's entire face lights up. "And that's my cue. Hey.." Robin looks from you to Steve, "Why don't you guys hang out tonight?"

He chuckles quietly. "Yeah. I'd like that."

You smile at him as Robin and Barb drive away and you make your way up the 3 steps into the trailer. As he goes to step inside, he rubs against you to pass through the doorway and your breath hangs.

So does his but you'd never know it. He manages to play cool, smiling at you as he stands inside your aunt's trailer with your almost sleeping daughter in his arms.

"So.. are you hungry, Steve?" you ask the question because if the air gets any thicker between you both you will lose it.

"I could eat." Steve chuckles quietly as you close the front door behind you. You step up to him to take Stevie so you can lay her down and let her nap because the lady over the daycare for your new job mentioned that she hadn't gone down for a nap today.

"I'll take her." Steve mutters quietly, and you nod. He follows you to the bedroom and places Stevie on the bed. You tap his shoulder to hand him her blanket and when he turns, it puts you body to body. "Sorry, I.." Steve mutters and you smile. "It's okay."

He takes the blanket from your hands, putting it over Stevie. You lean down, pressing a kiss to her forehead as she sleeps. Then you leave the room with Steve closing the door just enough that the tv doesn't interrupt her late nap.

"I think I'm gonna order a pizza. Is there a certain one you prefer, Steve?" you ask as you walk over and pick up the phone to dial.

"Not that picky." Steve answers, lingering in the end of the hall. You're slinking around the kitchen and twisting the phone cord around your finger as you place the order and at one point you pause in front of him and tilt your head, staring up at him.

" Everything okay?" you mouth the question, tilting your head slightly as you look up at him in concern. He manages to make himself nod and you try to stop yourself but you place your hand on his chest, continuing to gaze up at him in concern because you're remembering the day before, when he had that nightmare and you happened to witness.

" Yeah, that's ___. At 12 Forest Hills Road." you hang up after telling your address and as soon as you have, you step closer to Steve. "Steve.."

"Yeah?"

"It's okay to not be okay." you mumble.

He nods. Tries to give a convincing smile and you shake your head, stepping closer. Closing the miniscule amount of space that remains between you both as your breath hangs in your throat. "I'm sorry." you step away just a little and when you do, Steve misses the contact. And the realization has him up in arms. If he thought it was just going to disappear, it’s not. And being alone with you like this is only going to make the way he’s starting to feel and get way too attached way too quick so much harder to fight.

The two of you wind up sitting down on the sofa, close but not too close. You hold the remote out to Steve but he shakes his head. You turn off the television and he tears his eyes off the screen to look at you.

"I want to get to know you."

"I'm boring." Steve insists, shaking his head. Laughing quietly. “I am.”

"Somehow, I doubt that, Steve." you smile a little. He smiles too and he nods. "I am, though. But I wanna get to know you too."

"Ask me anything." you laugh softly. "I mean it. Anything."

"Anything,huh?" Steve rubs his chin. "Favorite food."

You laugh. "I don't even think I have one..maybe shrimp scampi, there was this diner in Shreveport, ugh..they made the most amazing shrimp scampi. Okay, your turn." you look at him and he laughs.

"Spaghetti.. my mom hired this nanny once that made the best homemade spaghetti sauce." Steve is smiling to himself. You smile. "I prefer to make my own if I eat spaghetti. I uh…ate it a lot as a kid? And my mother was the worst cook." the smile fades just a little. Just enough that Steve senses family might be a sore subject with you like it is for him.

"Mine doesn't cook." Steve admits quietly. And there's just something about the look on his face when he says it..you just know without asking that his mom and your mom might be similar.

"I dunno if my mom ever learned to cook or not." You shrug as you say it.

"You lived with your dad?" Steve asks, curious. Robin didn’t mention her aunt much at all and the handful of times that he’s heard her mention the woman, it was always with the slightest hint of irritation and disgust. So he’s just hoping that maybe you lived with your dad, that your parents were split up or something.

You shake your head. "Don't know the guy. And I haven't seen Jenna since I was 17."

Steve grimaces. And when he sees the slightest hint of a hurt look, he speaks up quietly. "You don't have t' talk about it."

"It's okay. It's not a big deal anymore." you shrug again. "She threw me out."

Steve's jaw clenches and he sighs, shaking his head. "I'm sorry."

"I'm not. It was better that way. And Stevie saved my life anyway, I was..a totally different person at 17 than I am now at 20."

It hits him exactly what you're getting at and he can't help but feel angry. Angrier than he should. He barely knows you, after all. But he's angry that from the sound of it, you went through everything all alone. And he's also in awe, it's telling him you're strong. Very, very strong. It also bothers him because no one should have to go through everything you have all alone.

"My parents weren't ever around. Made for some killer house parties but sometimes.." Steve goes quiet, "it's too quiet? And all I ever do anymore is think. And overthink." his words die away and he shrugs as if it’s nothing.

"My brain won't shut down either." you admit quietly. You've moved closer to him on the sofa because the way he's just opened up to you… you can tell that what he's admitting now is only scratching the surface. And now that you're both talking and opening up…you almost feel connected. It's harder to shut out all the little things about him that caught your attention to begin with.

That slope you're on is getting more and more slippery.

Your eyes catch on the red scar circling his neck and you try not to stare too long or anything. Your hand raises, fingers gingerly brushing against the healed wound and you rush to snatch them away as soon as you realize what you’ve done.

You remember what Robin told you, the story behind how he got it. Steve shifts the way he’s sitting a little because he wasn’t expecting the little touch and now that it’s gone, he kind of misses it, but he’d die before admitting it.

“Robin, she uh.. Told me what happened in March.” you stammer out and then you go quiet. Steve tenses a little. He shrugs and he mumbles something you can’t quite make out.

“You’re really brave, y’know? I think I would’ve died like a thousand times over.” you mumble quietly because you can’t think of anything else to say. Your words die away and you look down for a few seconds.

The pizza you ordered thirty minutes ago has finally arrived, the delivery person is knocking at the door of your aunt’s trailer. You use the arrival of food to slip off the couch. Distract yourself before you’re dumb enough to touch him again because you want to and you want it badly.

You pay for the pizza and close the door behind you, turning around puts you body to body with Steve. You’re beginning to realize exactly why you’ve been attempting to limit yourself from one on one time with him because the air is thick again, you can’t breathe. And instinctively, before you can stop it from happening, you’re stepping up into him, the pizza boxes in your arms keeping space between you both.

It’s space you don’t want, but space, nonetheless.

Steve reaches out, taking one of the pizza boxes. Your head tilts and you’re lost in his eyes. Staring and quiet. Lost in thought.

Steve can’t take the building tension so he turns and walks into Robin’s kitchen to place the hot pizza box in his arms onto a counter. You follow behind him and do the same. Steve opens one of the boxes and grabs a slice and so do you.

And as the two of you stand in the kitchen, quietly eating your slices, the tension grows just a little more. Especially when you step closer and all the space between you both vanishes because you’ve raised to your toes to wipe away some pizza sauce from the center of his bottom lip. As your thumb rolls across the surface of his bottom lip, Steve’s breath hangs in his throat and he coughs a little because he nearly chokes on the bite of pizza.

Both of you are desperate to steer the conversation back to lighter topics in a way, but it also feels so good to get some of the stuff that’s been said out in the open. Especially for you, because until now, you really didn’t have anyone to say some of these things to.

And Steve’s still thinking heavily about what you admitted to Robin.. That you could love him. The more the two of you talk like this, the more tempted he is to fight for that. To try and make you love him. The more he wants to let himself love you.

But it’s all so fast.

Enough to make your heads spin.

Brown eyes catch on pizza sauce smeared at the corner of your mouth and Steve’s hand raises before he can stop it, the pad of his thumb rolling over the saucy stain. Your breath hangs and you swallow hard, locking eyes with him.

“Favorite color?” Steve asks after a few seconds.

“Red. You?”

“Yellow.. No,no.. Dark blue.” Steve chuckles and the sound dies away after a second or two.

“Stevie told me you played basketball.. In high school?” you mutter, tilting your head as you look up at him. Steve chuckles, shrugging. “I wasn’t that great or anything.”

“I doubt that, Steve.” you’re doing it all over again, stepping closer. “I used to take dance.. There was this old woman who lived like… two shotgun houses down from Jenna. She was kinda like a grandma to me? She taught me a little ballet. It’s been years since I tried t’ do any of it.” you admit. “I was a cheerleader for a little while.”

Steve chuckles, gazing down at you. He steps just a little closer too. Somehow, he pictures it easy, a younger version of you doing ballet. Then cheering.

“I can see it.” he admits, going quiet.

“Stevie.. She acts like she wants to do ballet when she’s a little older. Guess I’ll see about it when that happens.” you take another bite of your pizza and you’re looking up at him all over again. A teasing smirk as you tell him, “I bet you had girls all over you in high school.” and you want to die as the remark leaves your mouth because you did not mean to say it out loud, it just slipped out.

Steve laughs and shrugs. “None I really liked… I mean there was one girl.” he goes quiet. Winces just a little. “And I thought maybe we’d have a shot again.” he shakes his head and shrugs. Trying to pretend it doesn’t still sting a little.

And he immediately decides to turn the remark around on you. “I bet you had a ton of boyfriends.”

You laugh and take a bite of your pizza, shrugging. “I didn’t uh.. Do the whole boyfriend girlfriend thing. Kind of a serial dater.” you go quiet. Swallowing down the bite of pizza you’ve just taken as you admit quietly. “The only guy I attempted to get serious with was Nick. He’s Stevie’s father.” you rub the bridge of your nose as you take another bite, “That was a huge mistake.”

Steve grimaces. “Sorry.”

“Oh no, no. It’s totally fine. I am perfectly capable of admitting I was an idiot.” you wipe some of the pizza sauce and grease off of your mouth and Steve’s eyes are drawn to it as you do. You laugh quietly. “Stevie’s never gonna know him. He didn’t want anything t’ do with either of us after he found out I wasn’t getting rid of her.”

Steve’s fist clenches at his side. “Seriously?”

,, At one point.. Before you grew the hell up, man.. You might’ve been the same way.” the thought comes but it’s quickly replaced with the reminder, no, no you wouldn’t have.. Because you’ve always wanted a huge family. To make up for the way you had t’ grow up.”

You nod. “Mhm. His name’s not attached to her like.. At all.I just didn’t fill in the space on her birth certificate. They pushed me to just put a name down but I refused. I’d rather not have to deal with him ever again and this way, I won’t have to.” you go quiet for a few seconds. “I’m dreading the day she starts t’ ask questions. Because I don’t want to lie to her but I know the truth would kill her. I’m hoping she won’t.”

Steve nods.

You laugh softly. “Okay, this one is lighter. It’s funny. I didn’t actually settle on a name for Stevie until a few months ago? I called her Lily or Nicole for the first two years. I.. Everything was overwhelming at the time and I was too busy worrying about how I’d even take care of her so like.. It hits me as I’m giving birth to her that I don’t have a name picked.” you laugh a little, shaking your head all over again. “So I tell the nurse I’ll fill everything out with Lily Nicole but I might change it later and I need forms to do that. So she gives me the forms and I put them up. It was always in the back of my mind that I wasn’t keen about the name, or Nicole for her middle name. So, I’d always just call her bug or peanut, a little nickname.”

“Lily’s pretty.”

“Right? But it didn’t suit her, not at all. I don’t think she liked it either.” you laugh and continue, shuffling your bare feet against the floor where you’re both standing. “Then, a few months ago, I’m driving Stevie to my friend’s place so I can go in to work. And I hear The Chain on the radio. Stevie loves this song, mind you. So I called in sick, went back to my apartment and tore it apart to find her paperwork. I filled it all out and stuck it in the mail so I could change her name to Stevie Robin.”

Steve chuckles quietly. “That’s actually kind of awesome.”

You smile. “Thank you.”

As the thickness begins to build in the silence all over again, you speak up quietly. Stepping close to Steve before you can stop yourself. “Whoever this girl was, Steve..She’s the one who’s going to miss out.”

Steve shrugs. “Doubt it.” - and he’s being honest because Nancy went from admitting that she didn’t feel like she was sure about being with Jonathan to leaving town with him soon. And it bothers him. Maybe not as much as it did at first, but it does still sting.

“From where I stand, yeah.. She really will. I mean.. You seem like a really nice guy. And my daughter loves you to pieces.”- you feel like you have to say something because he looks like it hurts him and this bothers you a lot more than it really should.

,, and I’m starting to get attached myself. Which is scary, dangerous for me to even be contemplating.” that thought comes racing to the front of your mind but you don’t dare say it. You can’t.

“And Nick sounds like an asshole. You’re better off without the guy.” Steve blurts it out and as soon as the words leave his mouth, the thought pops into his mind ,, if I were him, I never would’ve made her go through all this alone.” and he tries to shove it down and bury it but he just can't.

“You’re not wrong there. Not even a little.” you agree. And you lean forward to take another slice of pizza from the box as Steve does the same, your sides brushing. You give him an apologetic smile and he laughs, shrugging. Laughing harder as the cheese from your slice tries to slide away from crust and you dangle it over your mouth to try and pull the cheese off.

You flip him off playfully.

He does it right back. And then his eyes fix on the tomato sauce on the corner of your mouth and he really focuses on it, leaning into you to drag his thumb over the corner of your mouth to wipe it away. You barely bite back a whimper but you do exhale and it’s shaky.

“Pizza sauce again.” he states quietly, giving a little bit of a smirk, “You’re kind of a messy eater, you know that, right?”

“Bite me, Harrington. Like you’re not.” you tease him right back as you lean into him, wiping away a sauce smear on his lip.

As the conversation dies away, Steve reaches for the remote and turns on the tv and you settle in closer to him, both of you getting caught up in an episode of Magnum PI.

Stevie wanders in at some point, slipping up onto the sofa and balancing herself on both your laps as she nibbles on a slice of cheese pizza that you take out for her. And when you look over again about an hour later, she’s completely on his lap and they’re both asleep, Steve with his head thrown back against the back cushion of the sofa and Stevie with her head against his chest.

And everything feels good. Like it’s as easy as breathing. But as soon as that thought comes, you shove it out again because you can’t give in. You’re too afraid.

Steve wakes up because he can feel someone moving around in his lap. At first, he’s confused and then he remembers where he is. And then he catches sight of the way you’re even closer to him now, your head on his shoulder right next to Stevie’s. Stevie’s starting to wake up but she’s fighting it a little. Whiny. She latches onto his body and grumbles about how tired she is and Steve chuckles quietly. “You want me to take you to your mom’s room?”

“Pwease. But don’t wake up mama. She finally sleep.”

“Finally?” Steve questions, concerned brown eyes settle on your sleeping form as he wonders what Stevie means.

Stevie nods. “She can’t sleep sometimes at night.”

“Me either, kid.” Steve admits, carefully slipping his jacket under your head for a pillow as he slips off the couch to carry Stevie to her room. As he tucks her in and makes sure there’s a pillow on either side so she hopefully doesn’t roll off the high bed, she raises her arms, making grabby hands at him so he leans down and she hugs him again. “Night, Steve. Can y’ come back more? Pwease?”

He laughs quietly. “Yeah.”

As he makes his way out of the bedroom, you’ve slipped off the couch and you’re stretching. The way you raise your arms reveals just the slightest hint of ink peeking up from the way your shirt comes up with the movement and your jeans dip down enough. He tears his eyes off the hint of hidden ink and meets your sleepy gaze.

“I had fun tonight, Steve.”

“So did I..” Steve’s stepped even closer before he can stop himself. You bite your lip as you stare up at him, a hand raised to give the front of his hair a little fluff. “I’ll see you again.” he promises and you smile, nodding. “I’ll hold you to that.” you answer as you walk him out to his car.

As he drives away, you stand in the doorway, watching until the red of his cars taillights fade from view completely.

Then you wander back into the house and lock the doors, turn off the tv and go to your room, flopping down into bed. Stevie rolls over to put her little hand on your cheek.

"Mama?"

"Yeah, cupcake?"

"I wish Steve was my daddy. I like him a lot."

You take a deep breath and pull her closer. "Me too, cupcake. Me too. But it's not that simple."

"Wish it was." Stevie yawns out as she begins her usual self soothing fall asleep method of playing with your hair. Just as your eyes are getting heavy again she speaks up. "I think he likes you."

"Sweetie, shh.. time for sleep." you coax. She snuggles a stuffed bat she came home from Family Video with earlier in the week against her little body and soon, she's snoring quietly.

But for you, your minds too full. And when you finally do drift off at last, it seems like minutes later, it's morning and Robin is flopping down beside you after floating through the door of her bedroom.

"Hey.. remember when I said there was something I needed to tell you?"

"Yeah..wait, does this have anything at all to do with how happy you are around Barb?"

Robin's giggling fit answers your question and then she's quiet. "You and Steve are the only people I've told. And like..the more time I spend with her, the more comfortable I get and then I remember I have this huge secret. What if I tell her and it's a huge disaster? I can't just confess my feelings but I wanna and it's driving me crazy."

"I have a feeling it'll be anything but a disaster, Robbie. Body language expert, remember?" you give a sleepy grin as you reach out and stroke your cousins hair. "I thought she was about to kiss you the day I left Stevie with you guys at the video store."

Robin is thinking hard. To distract herself, she turns the topic of conversation to you. "How'd it go with Steve?"

You sigh. And she can see the dreamy look on your face. Then your frowning. "Kind of like torture when you get attached to someone you know you can't have.."

"Why couldn't you?"

"Robbie.." you sigh and yawn. "I'm not going to put her through what Jenna put me through. Besides.. pretty sure Steve is not looking for a situation like mine, Robbie. He's 21. Doubt he wants to get all settled and shit. And I'm not going to turn party girl either. I did my time as the Buckley family wild child. Kind of burnt out on it."

Robin laughs and you raise a brow. "What? It's true and you know it. I don't wanna hold him back."

"Do you know what he actually does for fun?"

"Well, no.." you answer. "What's he do?"

"He hates parties. His typical night is to go home and eat nuclear food. He probably goes out two times a month now? And it's just to see our other friend Eddie and his band play."

"Oh."

"He's burnt out on it too. A girl who works the salon next door has been trying to slip him her number since like…January and he just walks away every time."

You nod. " You have to stop making it too easy to fall for him, Robbie. I'm a mess. He deserves way better."

"You're scared, in other words." Robin is teasing, but it bothers her that you even think the way you do about yourself.

"Terrified. I didn't even feel the way I do around him when I was so 'in love'" you air quote the phrase and roll your eyes as you say it, "with Nick."

"Thats.. a huge deal."

"It is. But I've gotta fight it."

"You don't, though." Robin insists.

You laugh softly.

"Where did Stevie get the bat?"

"Steve won it for her while we were waiting for our lunch order earlier this week."

And her telling you that…it only makes it just a little harder to resist him.

#steve harrington #steve the hair harrington #steve harrington imagine #steve harrington imagines #steve harrington fanfiction #steve harrington x fem!buckley cousin reader #steve harrington x fem!reader #<- my writing ● steve harrington #<- warnings | fluff overload - reader has a 3 year old ● see chapter warnings above #<- warning | female reader - buckley related - female parts/appearance ● kid personality petnames/nicknames #fandom ( stranger things ) ● season ( post 4 with huge 1-4 changes ) ● character ( steve harrington )#-- listen.. listennnn.. i have a lot of ideas for this and idk if it's gonna stay a slow burn ima be real. for now it is tho.

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