#they just use being gay as a fucking shield for anything they ever do and i'm sick of it

[killbaned]

i’d genuinely forgotten about that rancid little fuck of a man and peacefully thought he’d just fucked off into the ether never to harass anyone again but that’s clearly too much to expect from someone so uniquely White Cis Gay Man poisoned

[transpeculation]

Okay so let’s talk about dramatic irony.

Colin’s big Flaw right now is his inability to be himself. This impacts his relationships with team members and also his football playing.

Ted’s speech from a few eps ago where he says “without shame” and the camera focuses on colin? that is where this flaw ties in with his growth as a football player.

We have seen colin make mildly homophobic remarks in the locker room “okay i’ll fuck zava”.

We have seen moments like this increasingly this season as the audience becomes aware of his sexual orientation.

This provides the audience with dramatic irony. The irony is that we know he is saying this to hide as a gay man but the characters in the scene do not.

We also know that what colin is doing is harmful to him. but he is unable to see that. all he is able to do is protect himself.

This episode is the first time (iirc) that we see him say something misogynistic instead of homophobic.

“i know what i’m doing this weekend”

to colin, this is not different. To most of the other players, this is not different.

To us, the audience, this is worse than what he was doing before. He is no longer weaponising homophobia (something he is a victim of) but misogyny (which he is not). you might argue that isnt worse but personally it rubbed me the wrong way and i think a lot of people would agree.

Importantly, some of the players on the team are also opposed to this misogyny.

At this point colin stops joking, and starts defending his real opinion (he shouldn’t have to delete his personal files just because they might be leaked).

This is an issue that some members of the team have beliefs about.

Jamie, Sam, and Isaac, stand up for women by making it clear that keeping nudes when there is a high risk of leaking is not okay.

But colin has skin in this game. Usually, he is never “real” in conversations like this. But this time things are different. He wants to keep the photos.

we see him defend this position by mentioning “memories.” this shows us that his desire is not lustful but sentimental in nature. i’ve seen others point out that this is a facet of his identity (that he is unable to outwardly express!). The photos mean something to him and he is angry at the idea that he is doing something wrong by keeping them.

I don’t think we have ever seen him defend an opinion genuinely before as the audience? In s1 he was pretty much trying to impress jamie. there was one comment about welsh pride but that came across as a joke. (Ted lasso writers make colin more welsh challenge)

And the first time he breaks his facade, the first time he shows his real face, he gets outed.

If he hadn’t cared about the photos he would have stopped arguing, stayed quiet and nodded along. made a joke maybe. something we’ve seen him do many times before. but he was honest about his opinions, so isaac was able to tell he hadn’t deleted anything when everyone else was.

SO: dramatic irony.

The audience knows that he wasn’t being serious with his first comment. “I know what I’m doing this weekend”

We know that that was a joke meant to act as a hyper-masc, homophobic, misogynistic shield in order to disguise his true self.

But the rest of the team do not know that. Issac does not know that. He has probably been making “jokes” like this, off camera, for years.

He leaps straight from a joke about masturbating to leaked nudes, to defending keeping photos that he knows there is a risk of leaking.

We, as the audience, know that he only wants to keep photos.

But Isaac thinks he might as well be defending the leak.

When Colin says “fuck off” to Isaac, he prompts him to take his phone. Isaac is acting the responsible team captain, here.

From what information he has, it just seems like colin is completely out of line. He’s defending misigyny, probably risking the safety and privacy of multiple women, being uncharacteristically rude and angry about it.

He probably has to deal with toxic behaviour from team members all the time. His own captaincy has been a source of growth for him, from the bully he used to be, to someone who tries to make sure everyone is behaving respectfully and as a team.

In any other situation I would want him to take the phone and delete the photos.

But he didn’t know that Colin also needed privacy. And colin was unable to express that to him as someone who is desperately hiding parts of himself.

So Isaac takes the phone. 

I think this all explains Isaac’s reaction. Confusion, nods, leaves.

He is confused because he is learning that this interaction is absolutely not what he thought it was. He nods because he accepts that, bc it’s a totally different situation than he thought, he doesn’t need to delete the photos. then he leaves, because what else is he supposed to do.

And colin is left knowing that his slip-up (the first time we see him express a sincere and deeply held emotion in front of the team) caused the very thing he was so afraid of happening.

EDIT: oh also the irony of how isaac invades colins privacy while trying to protect other people’s because he doesn’t think of colin as someone who needs privacy from him. I allude to that but i meant to make is clearer. EDIT 2: corrected spelling of isaac

[canonically47]

Dawn of the Final Review

DISVENTURE CAMP: ALL-STARS - THE FINAL REVIEW, AKA: THANK FUCK IT'S OVER!!!

SPOILERS!!! (no duh.)

this is a very long ramble btw. so so long. be aware!

the scene of marcus and nina in the cave was so useless i almost laughed. nina's delivery was so bad i giggled

tom's little shake was so fun, it's too bad the entirety of DSVC is in the same exact total drama style and ever took any fun creative liberties with their animation like those

thank you ONC for making the entirety of ashley's arc revolve around jake and his relationship drama, i totally wasn't interested in learning more about her. that half-assed background story does not make her deeper and in fact makes her appear even more shallow. your priorities are obvious and your treatment of your female characters is disgusting.

yay huntally!! so glad they got development as well! they were so fun for the whole time they argued

"you grew more than anyone here" ONC trying to make us think anyone had a worthy arc is laughable, but ALLY, GROWING AS A PERSON??? BAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH

"i'm sorry for being insufferable sometimes" "sometimes?" realest hunter moment ever

huntessally moment :( this is what we could've had :( fuck you genuinely ONC

ELLIE MOMENT ELLIE MOMENT ELLIE MOMENT IT'S ELLIE IT'S ELLIE TIME OMG I LOVE YOU ELLIE MY BELOVED ELLIE I LOVE YOU ELLIE ELLIE ELLIE

ew ally I MEAN yay ally... ally development moment... this is not at all half-assed or uninteresting...

LMFAOAOOAOAOAOAOOAOAOAO riya having nobody interested

ALEC MOMENT ALEC MOMENT ALEC MOMENT YAYAYAYAYYAYA ALEC ALEC ALEC

jake not choosing tom was fucking HILARIOUS. thank you jake

ewewewewewew why tom ewew ew why the fucking puppy eyes.. you're a grown ass man.... why is ashley entertaining this.. ONC WHY DO YOU FUCKING WRITE LIKE THIS

"why is this the most stressful thing i've ever done?" cuz you're a fucking idiot???

oh the poor patreons that waste their money on this shit :// sorry guys, my condolences again!! <33

this is going to be so historically inaccurate i can feel it

ok strong start, interesting premise

GO TEAM JAKE

i just know they put them in these costumes for fan service... they're so historically inaccurate it hurts like.. actually

YAOI MOMENT??? I BEG YOUR FINEST FUCKING PARDON???????

ONC trying to be hip with the kids is crazy

alellie crumbs omg i miss you dynamic duo

"don't waste your time being my shields" that's...that's their job.....??????????

alec would NOT back down from that

OMG OMGOMGOGMG FIORE FIORE MOMENT FATHER-DAUGHTER MOMENT I'M CRYING

OMGOMGOMG THE WAY ALEC GRABBED HER I'M GOING TO SOB

"YOU COULD'VE BEEN KILLED" "okay, now i'm hurt" MY LOVELIESSSSSSS I'M SOBBINGNGNNGNGNG I MISSED THEM SO MUCHHHHH WAHHHHHHHH

i'm ignoring what's happening to continue ranting about them I LOVE THEM SO MUCHHCHCHCHCH

YES ALEC GO KING

FIORE IS AN ICON

THEY'RE BOTH AAAAAAAAAAURHGHGHGHGH

WHAT IF I SOBBEDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

YESSS GABBY MOMENT GABBY MOMENT I LOVE YOU GABBY GABBY MOMENT

not to be a bitch but this is kind of the most boring finale ever, they're not actively doing anything, they're just trying not to get hit, it's annoying how they're not actually like. having to work for this actively

oh my god riya i will kill you

GABBY NOOOOOOO

i love how the scar is totally inaccurate

OH MY GOD TOM ARE YOU OKAY

jake run tf are you doing

...............oh.

riya you are a MOTHERFUCKER.

GO OFF ELLIE

i fucking love you gabellie

i love how nobody is volunteering to help riya, at least ONC know how hated she has become both in and out of the show

"i just didn't think riya would go out of her way to screw me over" "do you hear yourself?" realest tomjake moment ever

urhghghghgh i just had to say tomjake moment...

EW WHAT WAS THAT SHUSHING...

they're disgusting. not for being gay but for being allo

TREMILY MOMENT!!!

what was that face trevor made lmao they couldn't afford a :3 face or what

ELLIE AND JAKE MOMENT?????

FUUUUUUUUUUCK YEAAAAAAAAA

THEY'RE SO BACK THEY'RE SO BACK THEY'RE SO BACK

yay finally they're actually doing something! we all know jake is winning come on it's kids cartoon logic that the one without the upgrade always wins

GO JAKEEE !!!

OMG BOTH HIS BOYFRIENDS CHEERED ON HIM JAJAKEDEN REAL <333

...aaand he's down. strong... start.......???

alec with his hand on fiore's shoulder :( <3

YAY GO JAKE!!!

the slow-motion looks so goofy lol

YAY JAKE

LMFAO HUNTER WITH THE 😃👍

sorry jake's wheezing is so funny to me

JAKEEE GET UP PLEASE GET UP

MAN FUCK TOM JUST GET UP

i hate how they panned to ashley after that, like yasss tell us her only role was being jake's bff !!!

"friendship speeches" she hates tomjake more than me iconic

FUCK HER UP JAKE

FUCK HER UPPPPP

NO

PLEASE. DO NOT.

.....oh my god.

oh. my god.

they actually did that.

...what the fuck.

jake :(

jake... what the fuck his whining is getting to me fuck i love him so much he's :(((

NOBODY IS HAPPY FOR HER I'M SO GLAD

"another incredible season" yeah sure

ugh whatever at least it's over who cares

oh yay wishley! who the fuck cares.

FIORE AND ALEC HOW I LOVE YOU SO <333

OMGGG LAKE AND JAIDEN <333

man yk what fuck it, i'll be the bigger person and admit tomjake was cute this episode. it doesn't take away from the fact that they fucking sucked all season, but it gives them some points in my mind. maybe in another universe ONC could've actually written them well from start to finish, but for now, i'll take my crumbs and admit i can fid them somewhat cute

not letting go of arospec tom though. never.

sobbing /pos <333333333

crazy how they got three polycules in the same shot woah. huntessally, tomjajakeden & gabgrellie real?!??!?!?!?!!!

they're literally girlfriends

FUCK YES CONNOR

YES STAND YOUR GROUND MY MAN

"i won" "was it worth it?" FUCK. YES. FUCK!! YES!!!!

"have a nice life, riya." THIS IS THE ENDING YOU DESERVE BITCH

HELL YESSS HELL YES HELL YEAH FUCK YES

not even mad she won !!! bc at least they despise her

yay quit i do't want more seasons

why is oliver so pressed

"the producers won't cancel the show if you leave" FUCK.

ughhh trevek again...

HOLY SHIT ROSA MARIA AND SOFIA

OH MY GOD LILL AND NICK??? HELLO??? HELL-FUCKING-O???

OH MY GOD :((( THIS SEGMENT :(((

OWHWUWUWHWHW... HUNTALLY...

TOMJAKE AND MIRIAM...

OH GRETT...

ORUHGHGHGHGHGH FIORE AND ALEC ALEC SHAVED :(( ALEC SHAVED :((((( HE MOVED ON FINALLY

lmao fuck you riya

wanna bet eesha will be in the next season

oh.. the soft piano.... it's........doing something to me......................

THEY PUT TREVEK MISSING TRUMP IN THE CREDITS LMFAOAOOAOAOA

crazy how i've seen like.. all this fanart.... i fw this fandom heavy

JAKEDEN IN THE CREDITS WE WON

JAKEDEN TWICE WE WON FR

sigh. so, it's over! i definitely have a lot of... mixed feelings on this season. as you've noticed if you've kept up with my reviews, i constantly went from loving it, to hating it, to despising it with every fiber of my being, to liking it, to disliking it, and then repeating that cycle numerous times in different orders.

disventure camp: all-stars was definitely bad. sadly, no amount of sweet piano music and decently-written moments will make me forget how much i have become frustrated with this show. i would not recommend this show to anyone purely because of DCAS and its surprisingly bad quality. the writing was inconsistent and messy, the character arcs felt forced and with little to no pay-off, the ships were badly handled, the female characters were always, without fail, put down or cast aside for the male characters, the WLW couple was brushed off for the MLM ones, and so forth.

disventure camp is imperfect in every way, but i will acknowledge the fact that it is made with love (because it's not care that's for sure SORRY, sorry i'll be nice). even though i joke about how i feel bad for the patreons or those that genuinely like it and do not see its flaws, i still find myself attached to this show. i can understand why others would be, too. as a writer, i can never brush past their many, many mistakes, but i will admit they have their good moments.

they have the occasional character that escapes their wrath - jake, for example, was probably the best character this season. i've seen many complain about him because they were unable to let go of their biases, but i genuinely believe he was phenomenal. after spending so much time stuck in the same mindset, he managed to grow as a person. he befriended aiden, he got over & forgave tom, and hey, he got the boy back. their ending also makes me feel hopeful for their spin-off, even though i wish they had never gotten one because there are much more interesting characters worth exploring.

grett's arc was close to being as great as jake's, but ONC cannot really write female characters. i guess they're listening to fresh TV's teachings? she had her moments, but she was held back from true greatness. she deserved to make finale, if not win - but that's maybe biased so i'll just leave it at this lol

we got some fun friendships this season, such as ashley & jake, grett & gabby, connor & alec, and i am trying so hard to be positive right now and ignore that two of them were ruined/not carried out to their full potential because of relationship drama

okay, super positive time, I FUCKING LOVE THAT FIORE AND ALEC MADE UP. OKAY. I WAS STARTING TO LOSE HOPE SO BADLY THAT THE BEAST ALMOST MADE ME INTO A TREE (hi corn are you proud i made a OTGW reference. love u corn) BUT ALAS I CUT MYSELF FREE BECAUSE FUCK YES WE GOT THEM BACK!!! WE GOT THEM BACK!!!!!!!!!! I'M SO HAPPYYYYYYYYY <333 <333 <333

their development was probably the best relationship development in this season and i am SO. HAPPY YOU GUYS. oh my GOD. i missed them SOOO BADLY <333 that last episode REALLY fed us alec & fiore father-daughter nation holy shit i love them

i really wish things were... so, so different this season. i wanted to see actual growth in characters and relationships, less petty drama and more actual strategy, and, you know, for the winner to not be the second-placing person from the second season. that. that was bad. we can all agree that despite everyone hating on her it was bad right. like that. should not have been the ending

i wish some characters hadn't just come back to be vessels for drama. ashley and connor were only there for the development of jake and riya respectively and it kills me how obvious it is. the only reason i dislike ashley is because all she is, is jake's bff who played a small part in getting him with tom. her entire role is just to be there for a gay ship. that SUCKS.

huntessally should've also been a bigger part of the season and have gotten together. i will never not be mad about ONC not giving us the polyamorous rep they kept teasing. because c'mon why confirm them all as mspec and promote them together in social media and pride posts if you just made ally & hunter the couple and not all of them together. i mean sure i'm okay with them being '''just''' friends, not everything has to be romantic & having even MORE allos on this show would've been exhausting but. huntessally :(((

ALEC SHOULD'VE BEEN IN THE FINALE there i said my bias there it is. also fun fact before DCAS my choice for the winner was actually tom. uh now i don't even like the guy so. yea i wish we had gotten a grett-alec and someone else other than riya finale with alec winning. he deserved it before they ruined him for that tiny bit but it's okay we don't talk about it

the finale gets 7/10 and, overall, DCAS gets a 4/10. not enough decent points to get it the, if you will, passing grade. again, i will never recommend it to anyone ever. i tried to be positive - and truly there are some things i like about this show! all that screaming i did above over gabellie, fiore & alec and so forth was real excitement i promise !! - but it's a fucking trainwreck.

for my sake, i hope i do not watch disventure camp season 4. i'm probably not leaving the fandom indefinitely, i will still lurk and maybe if i get any ideas post some fic fixing this show cuz god knows we need it, but yeah. when season 4 comes out, i'm officially out of the picture. i will hopefully never rewatch the first three seasons and if i do, it should be years in the future when i will have no emotional attachment to the characters and thus not be disappointed by how bad the show is.

sooo i guess i'll still be around for a while but i will NOT be watching any new content ever. for my sake. i hope you can understand if you wanted me to share any thoughts on the spin-offs or such lol

well, this has truly been a journey. i'd be lying if i said i hated every moment of it, but i definitely did not enjoy it for the most part. however, constantly getting asks about the show - and getting to interact with you all over on @disventure-rewrite-takes - has made this so, so fun. i'll be making a separate post on the rewrite takes account about what will happen next to it :)

thank you review anon for the asks, you have been amazing, i really appreciated you coming out every other week and requesting my review, it was so so kind of you <3

thanks to the anons on the rewrite takes blog, i'll get into more detail there when i officially drop the account though, so no sappy stuff juuuust yet but tysm for being a blast you guys!!

and also friendship wins so shoutout corn @cornfields-td-nonsense for being the best and ranting & rambling with me about the episodes, leaving fun asks on the rewrite blog, and just overall putting up with me. i love you man, you're great, and i love exchanging interests, ideas, reviews, and such, roleplaying with you is awesome and i'm so grateful you listen to me yap yap yap like crazy, you're amazing and again i love you !!!!!!

so yay! disventure camp! ....i am so glad it's over holy shit it's a weight off my chest.

we're back in the sanders sides phase and i have no idea how to end this so i'll just do it thomas style no matter how cringe it is IDC HOW CRINGE IT IS!!!!!!!!!! so until next time, take it easy guys gals and non-binary pals, and PEACE OUTTTTTT <33333

[itsalinh]

I mean some people clearly do not pay any attention to the show they are watching because what the heck??

1. Lucy is not the villain. She’s not trying to get in the way of Hawk and Tim, ever.

Gosh the sheer amount of hate towards her the past two weeks is insane. How come women in every gay show always receive the hate? Well, maybe some writers were actually lazy and the fastest way the could think of was to villanize women so they could have less a problem to think about. But this is not the case for FT where every character shows their own color, and they have reasons for every action they take.

Yes, she married Hawk. But it was bc everybody expected them to do that since, idk, the very beginning? Bc she adored him and trusted him enough? And not to mention Hawk asked her to marry him? Remind y’all, she’s also the victim of the era.

Yes, she burnt Tim’s letter. It was crazy enough to hear your own mother lecturing you to shut up about your husband’s outside behaviours as long as he comes back home at the end of the day. But actually receiving a letter from his ex-lover, whom is a man, saying that he was still in love with your man, was on another level! Lucy had every right to confront Hawk and made a fuss about everything. Yet she was so calm and reasoned, knowing that if she threw a tantrum then everybody’d know her husband was gay and they’d all suffer. Lucy knew for a fact that even if Hawk did receive the letter, he wouldn’t have done anything at all, so nothing changed.

And I love that she told Tim about it. She did not regret anything, nor felt any shame, just a plain announcement that she knew everything from the start of this marriage already. She did what had to be done. She could’ve been upset with Tim for bringing danger and misery to her family, but she just simply told him about the letter and let the man go. Splendid writing!

2. Hawk is gay. Hawk is not bisexual.

Never know I have to clarify this obvious fact. Him being married to a woman and having sex with her does not mean he’s bisexual. That’s just what gay men do to hide their true nature and to live peacefully in this world. Maybe not the US, but many countries nowadays still do not approve same-sex marriage, and queer people still have to marry someone they don’t love just to have “a shield” to cover for themselves. Has Hawk ever shown any interests in women? No. Has Hawk ever had sex with another woman besides his wife? No. Was it true that all of his sex partners now and then were men? Yes. So, that’s your answer. He’s gay as fuck.

3. Hawk is not the only person to blame. Tim is also at fault.

Roast me later, hear me out.

Hawk is a shitty person, I agree. He has done so many cruel things to his lover, his wife, and his child, and he continues to do so bc he’s a shitty person.

But, after all the shitty things Hawk did, Tim came back to him. Hawk warned Tim about their relationship very early. “But Skippy, that’s all it was, that’s all it can be. I’m sorry.”. Tim was soft for Hawk, so he accepted that easily. He’d love to love, rather than not having love at all. Hawk broke up with Tim on the day before Christmas, he was prepared to end it all so that Tim wouldn’t rely his emotions too much on him. For some reasons they got back to each other again, only to be separated one more time 6-7 months later. Tim made Hawk promise not to write, yet he was the one to break the promise. 14 years later, Tim couldn’t help himself but seeing Hawk again, sneaking outside his house just to witness his “happy” family. He was aware of the pain and guilt, but he was so lost in love, his “consuming love”, he gave in every time.

I know Tim did not deserve any of this, he had a pure heart and he gave it all to Hawk. That’s why we love him, and we feel pity for him too. But he had choices he was not willing to make, so it’s on him too yk.

4. There’s more to Tim’s guilt.

After jerking off with Hawk, Tim immediately forced Hawk to leave him. But why people only mentioned that it was bc he felt guilty with God? I believe he had 2 things to be sorry for. 1 is the reason everybody was talking about, God. The 2nd one, I’m pretty sure he felt guilty towards Lucy too. He couldn’t hold himself, he missed his man so damn much, and he let his heart took over for a sec. Tim knew he shouldn’t bc that was so wrong, and he did something really really awful to someone who’s having a wife and two children at home. He hated himself for it.

—

If you hate Lucy or Hawk, please block me I’m begging you bc I can’t stand another person interpret them wrongly like that. For the sake of my mental health, please block me with your every power!

[squishylemonbubbles]

i guess tired ramble and hope i knock myself out haha

so thinking abt goromi and kazumi like… idk i tend to use genderqueer over genderfluid, not that i have anything against the genderfluid label it's just, that's the way i understand myself? and tbf maybe that means my own experience is kind of genderfluid, but i like what i've got haha

both goromi and kazumi are born as performances that are put on, even if they do ultimately have root in long-standing feelings about the "role" of gay men in society, one loud and proud and the other repressed; one a "predator", the other denying his comfort, his very heart, to "conform".

as such their masculinity is very important to them, they're still men and still view themselves that way. phrases like "a woman who's really a man" when applied from the outside are absolute transphobic dogshit, but it can be a legitimate expression when coming from within.

like even with my own femininity, the idea of being seen entirely as a woman is very uncomfortable for me - even at my most feminine, where i happily answer to "pretty girl" and the like. to me, it's not that my gender is fluid so much as my sexuality and experiences with it (stereotype, poor treatment, failure to conform, etc) have shaped my expression of it. they're an inseparable pair!

so goromi flaunts her shamelessness, because majima knows shame well. she'll very happily tease about her tastes, dress in ways "no real man" would ever dream of, because fuck it, people don't see majima that way already. she definitely gets pissed off about people refusing to see her femininity at all, but to me it's less often about dysphoria and more often, the sense she's angry that other people can wield it as a weapon against her, but she's not even allowed it as a shield? bullshit.

and kazumi draws more from kiryu's experiences of his most repressed days; he remembers the "passive role" of which he was never allowed any partaking himself. it was him with the ideas, the money, the lead, everything - any kind of deviation met him with frustration and breakups. he's long had this sense of jealousy, not that he always completely understood that's what it was, of this soft passive femininity. but just the idea of being gay breaks the rules he'd spent so long learning - so being kazumi helps him to settle and accept affections, accept being treated and cared for.

even when the two aren't actively "playing" goromi and kazumi, just having them, their mindsets so to speak, ultimately helps them accept themselves in a world that would rather they didn't.

[naylor]

okay i know breakup talk is over an i assume that also means gaylor talk, but i still wanted to get this thought off my chest. Feel free to not post it if you do not feel like it :) one think that fucks me up about a lot of gaylors is this idea of 'if you get it you get it' and 'if you don't see it maybe you are not supposed to see it'. and blah this is geared towards straight ppl ig, but it also creates a sort of tier list of queer fans, if that makes sense? like oooh if u are a gay fan but u don't think she is gay then maybe you are not getting the hints :/// but WHY. am i not gay enough? is she only dropping ''''hints'''' understandable to rich white americans? it's very weird behavior to me and paints the queer community as this sort of monolith of opinions and experiences when that is not true. and oftentimes it also gets followed up with 'maybe u just need to hang out with more gay ppl' ????? not every gay person thinks taylor swift is gay (FAR from it, actually) so maybe that's just. you and your friends

no, exactly! that's why i say that larry, gaylor, and all these conspiracy theories are more like internet cults than anything else. there's no one leader exploiting people (as far as i know) but a bunch of smaller niche ones with tumblr blogs, big twitter accounts, or charisma for tiktok and the victims of the cult themselves indoctrinate each other the same way a single cult leader would.

for them there's only one Truth and they're the chosen people to receive it, everything else is wrong, fake, or made specifically to trick the members of the cult and make them doubt of their Truth. they can only trust the information that comes from other people who believe in this Truth and nothing else. this is the first step, indoctrination.

no critical thinking, second opinions, of even a shadow of doubt are ever allowed; if you have any of those it means you no longer believe in the Truth and thus you're no longer welcome in the community, and you're not allowed to be part of communities that don't believe in the Truth or you'll be a traitor so if you don't blindly follow and believe you'll be completely ostracised. this is the second step, isolation.

and any outsider criticism is immediately flagged as homophobia even if it comes from actual queer people because the target for this cult is young queer people in vulnerable states than can be easily indoctrinated into seeing the Truth and then can be used as shields when criticism arise, nevertheless most of the leaders of the cult are straight, white women either fetishising lesbians or tokenising us. this is an illusion of solidarity for the victims of the cult, they are made to believe it's all to protect them and protect gayness itself when it's only used as a tool.

i could go on forever on this topic and how actually scary and insidious it is beyond just being plain harmful for the people involved and taylor herself; but shit talk about gaylor is always allowed and welcome on this blog because if there's something i'm not gonna allow is middle class white women using my sexuality as a weapon and a shield for their ridiculousness.

[having-conniptions]

KinnPorsche ep 14 Rewatch Rambles:

Last time seeing/hearing the intro 😭 but it's okay it's in my Favorites playlist on Deezer 😌

VegasPorsche friendship my beloved

"I definitely won't let anyone do anything to Pete" - "Just take care of him" 😭😭😭 VegasPete feat. PorschePete friendship

I love how Porsche's flashbacks come with dramatic wind in his hair

Apo's acting tho 😭❤️

KP thinking they're cousins for a hot second lmaooo 💀

Liar liar pants on fire (me @ Korn rn)

The brothers 😭❤️

The beginning of the end here we goooo

How can they all disrespect Kinn like that in his own home as if he's not still mafia even with his dad "dead"... not gonna say they had it coming but that definitely wasn't the smartest move

"Know your place" - "That's why I was speaking" POINTS TO DADDY CHAN SORRY VEGAS

Vegas immediately using one if his bodyguards as a human shield 💀

NOT CHAN 😭

Also can we talk about the fact that Vegas is still doing all of this just so maybe his father will be proud of him just this once 💀😭

Shit is going DOWN

Kinn also kinda used Pete as a shield but unlike Vegas he didn't grab him from behind and Pete actually kept his hand on Kinn the entire time making sure he's still behind him

Enter: Porsche

Whose first instinct is also to pull Kinn to his side and cover him 😭❤️

"I'm on your side" followed by their little tango of violence will always be in my heart

"Head, chest... or heart" *aims at Porsche* THIS EPISODE HAS SO MANY ICONIC LINES/MOMENTS

THE FUCKING TOY CAR OF DESTRUCTION 😂 and the marbles I can't hahahaha

Erika ftw

"I can be by myself" CHAY YOU'D HAVE BEEN KIDNAPPED AGAIN IF YOUR EX WASN'T LOOKING OUT FOR YOU

The face Kim pulls before dragging that guy's face across the bar is HILARIOUS

KIM CLEAN UP YOUR MESS

Not Erika 😭😭

Not Gun saying he doesn't care about profits WELL IF IT'S NOT THAT THEN IT'S POWER IS THAT ANY BETTER?

I remember being so confused about Korn's and Gun's versions of the story, not realizing there was wayyyy more to it

The VegasPete reunion 😭 Pete shooting Vegas in the arm so the bodyguards wouldn't shoot 😭 Vegas, broken and bloody, reaching for Pete's face, asking him to be the one to kill him

The kiss 😭😭 the way Vegas pushed Pete off of him and runs away, leaving Pete confused af

I didn't even notice that Pete wipes his mouth before getting up lmao

Porsche yelling "Hey! Stop!" as if that's ever worked xD

Suuuuure, in like 15 years she hasn't aged a day...

"You just want all the power" AND WHAT ABOUT YOU GUN

What was he gonna say WHAT WAS HE GONNA SAYYYYYYYYYY

They left so much open for a season 2 and then DIDN'T GIVE US A SEASON TWO

Please don't call Porsche your nephew he's dating your son

Also can we talk about how Vegas was never able to free himself from his father before Gun died? I really wanted Vegas to break free on his own 😭

PETE STILL HAS BLOOD ON HIS MOUTH. VEGAS' BLOOD. FROM THE KISS. I AM THIS 🤏 CLOSE TO GOING INSANE

And his little speech before he runs after Vegas 😭😭😭

Korn may be terrible but he will always be supportive of gay love <3

With his dad, Vegas lost all sense of purpose because all he ever did was to try to make his dad proud. So even after he died, Vegas wasn't immediately freed. Nah, he thought he had nothing left to live for. Where would he go, what would he do, if no one gave him any direction?

This entire scene... 😭 it hurts even more after seeing the bts where they just sat on the ground after filming, processing all the emotions 😭 and Pete's raw af sobs and screams that were muted in the episode are also in that bts

VEGAS' TEENY TINY LITTLE SMILE FOR A FRACTION OF A SECOND BEFORE HE GETS SHOT WILL NEVER NOT MAKE ME GO ABSOLUTELY INSANE

Porsche becoming head of the minor family means he'll still be under Korn's thumb

Omg Chay is adorable

And Kim is still miserable lol

Porsche in that green suit 🔥🔥🔥

The kissssss omggggg

Tay 😍🥰❤️

KIM'S VIDEO 😭 he's trying okay he's trying not to isolate himself 😭

I think there's still hope for them (post-canon, because again, no s2 unfortunately) because 1) Chay was playing the guitar again, meaning he picked up music again even though he'd stopped because of Kim, and I'm not sure which guitar it was but if it was the one Kim gave him u know what that means... and 2) he didn't delete the video - he almost did but then he put his phone away PLEASE I JUST WANT THEM TO START OVER AND I WANT KIM TO ACTUALLY BE A GOOD BOYFRIEND THIS TIME

Tankhun is still so iconic

"I have a surprise for you" - "then I'll go wait in the restroom" PORSCHE NOT THAT KIND OF SURPRISE LMAO

They're so adorable aaaaaa

Hahaha Kinn's trying to be sexy but ends up being a little cheesy and goofy 🤭

"How's Vegas doing?" HIT ME SO HARD THE FIRST TIME BC UP TO THAT POINT I WAS CONVINCED I'D BE STUCK WATCHING VEGASPETE FIX-ITS ALL NIGHT

"I call Pete everyday to encourage him" IS SO OVERLOOKED PORSCHE IS SUCH A GREAT FRIEND ❤️😭

The whispered "I love you" 😭😭❤️❤️

I feel like there are so many secrets left to be uncovered

Namphueng looks so uncomfortable and idk if it's because there's two dudes she doesn't remember hugging her and calling her mom or if it's because she's actually just pretending 👀👀👀

The post credit scene 😭 I find it hard to believe that it's also 1 month later bc Vegas' wounds would be wayyy further along the healing process. Especially the one on his arm that probably didn't actually go through but just grazed him. And after a month, Vegas wouldn't be asking Pete why he's still there. They would have had that conversation much sooner. So did they actually go back to right after the incident? Like, a few days later? A week maybe?

I will always be insane about "I can't run off to anywhere" I have made an entire post about Pete not being able to leave Vegas for various reasons so I won't go into too much detail but I'll just say this isn't just "I don't have anywhere to go" but also "I couldn't just run off and leave you behind"

AGAIN WITH THE SOFT HAND HOLDING 😭❤️

Hahaha Macau's little smirk he's so precious

The family cuddles and Vegas' soft little pecks for Pete and Macau 😭😭😭❤️❤️❤️ also they used a mirror for that scene again and I'm still not sure what reflections mean in KP but I know they're a Thing™️

I can't believe it's over. That's it. I've rewatched the entire series less than two months after first watching it. It's not over yet, not for me. But I think my brain will at least stop being a "KP only" zone, at least for a while.

Aaaaaahhh this series and its characters and the cast will always be in my heart 😭❤️

[casspurrjoybell-25]

Cold as Ice - Chapter 17 - Part 2

*Warning Adult Content*

Wren Ridley

"It was my dad," he said.

"It's just... him seeing me... it just wouldn't have been a good situation and it fucked me up more than I thought it would. Seeing him, I mean."

I thought back on last night, wondering if I saw the man that plagued Landon like this without realizing but I couldn't imagine any face I saw last night being him.

"And seeing Mindy this morning. Oh God..." he paused, rubbing the heals of his hands into his eyes.

"She was so kind to me, when I didn't deserve it."

My stomach was twisted in knots.

I didn't know why I cared so much and maybe I should care less but seeing him like this made me want to shield him and tell him everything would be okay.

I had never been good at comforting anyone.

I had no idea how to.

"It's not up to us to determine what we deserve," I told him.

"No one deserves anything, not really."

Whatever his father did to him to make him fear him, Landon didn't deserve.

He didn't deserve the mental turmoil he still goes through and he didn't deserve to think that he didn't deserve kindness.

Landon took his hands away from his face and looked straight at me.

I could tell he didn't believe me.

He had his ideas about what he deserved and my words wouldn't change that.

"Do your parents... do they think we're... you know."

I shook my head.

"They don't."

"How can you be sure?"

"They don't know I like men," I admitted.

The look of surprise on his face almost made me laugh.

"What? Why not?" he asked.

"I don't want them to know."

"But why?"

"Why does anyone not want their parents to know of their sexuality?"

Landon narrowed his eyes at me.

"That makes no sense. Your brother is openly gay. You don't have to hide from them."

"I'm not hiding," I denied.

I didn't think he could look any more annoyed with me but then he did.

"You are," he said.

"You hide behind your big words and your superiority act but that's all it is, an act."

Somehow this conversation had turned on me and I didn't like it, so I had to shut it down.

"When did you get so wise?"

"Maybe I just learned to read you like you read me."

I didn't like the sound of that at all.

"Or maybe you're just delusional," I replied, shooting him a smile that was anything but a happy one and then stabbing my omelette with my fork.

"And honestly I find it quite amusing that you're accusing me of hiding when that's all you seem to do. Why were you so determined to come home this weekend? What are you hiding from at school? Why were you hiding from your father last night? Why were you hiding from me this past week?"

Landon stared at me, his mouth open slightly like I had asked him the most shocking question in the world.

"I wasn't hiding from you," he replied.

"You were. Ever since that night at the club."

I had given him space, figured I would let him deal with his emotions from that night since I knew it was so overwhelming for him and he avoided me up until yesterday when he needed a ride home.

I didn't even want to think about why that bothered me so much.

"Don't act like you weren't avoiding me too," Landon retorted.

"You ran right past me one morning and didn't even look at me."

"I did look at you," I said it before I could stop myself, before my brain caught up to my mouth and realized what I was admitting.

That I looked for him when I was out on my runs, that I looked at him without him noticing.

Landon was speechless at that.

He gaped at me, his mouth moved like he was about to say something but the words weren't coming to him.

He probably thought I always knew what he was thinking and he was usually pretty easy to read but I got nothing from him at this moment.

I wished I could read his mind, know what he wanted to say but wouldn't.

"I figured you wouldn't want to see me after the club," I continued, filling the silence.

"I didn't," he said almost instantly.

That was a lie, I could tell by the intense stare he was giving me.

It was like he was trying so hard to appear like he was telling the truth that it seemed disingenuous.

He had been thinking about me and didn't want me to know it.

I didn't want him to know that I had been thinking about him either.

I wanted to deny that even to myself.

Landon had squeezed his way into my mind and I had no idea how to get him out.

"It was overwhelming for you," I said, taking a sip of my coffee.

"No," he denied.

"That's not it."

I quirked an eyebrow at him, my expression telling him I didn't believe what he was saying.

I didn't expect him to admit it but I knew it was overwhelming for him.

He had never been in that type of environment before.

It was scary for anyone their first time, especially someone like him who obviously had some religious trauma going on.

He probably felt a lot of different emotions that night, conflicting ones that kept him up at night.

It was no wonder he avoided me after the fact.

Before either of us could say anything else, Colt and the girls came bounding into the kitchen, glancing at our plates.

"Did you make us breakfast?" Colt asked, raising his eyebrows at me.

He didn't even question Landon's presence.

"You're all capable of making your own breakfast," I told him.

Landon continued eating his omelette, staring down at his plate.

"Not if you don't want us to burn the house down," Fawn said, a hand on her hip.

"Ever heard of cereal?" I asked.

"I have a better idea," Fawn said with a grin.

"How about you take us out to breakfast since you kinda owe me anyway? I could really go for a stack of french toast at Betty's."

"Oh little Fawn, you'll have to do better than that. Remember what we talked about last night?"

Basically I told her she better be careful asking too much of me since I could tell our parents about her spending habits with her allowance and her savings from her summer job.

She basically depleted her savings from the summer, buying clothes she only wore once and makeup that sat in her vanity untouched.

They wouldn't be too happy to find out she had spent all the money she saved over the summer.

I only found out because I paid attention and because she started asking me for money.

Fawn glared at me and crossed her arms over her chest.

"But I suppose I could drop the three of you off at Betty's with my card."

Fawn's glare fell and a wide smile took over her face.

She squealed and hugged me tightly.

"Thank you, Wren. I love you."

Fawn pulled Ava along with her back upstairs while Colt went to the fridge to pour himself a glass of orange juice.

When I looked back at Landon, he was already looking at me.

"What?" I asked.

"You have a soft spot for your little sister," he said.

"Don't you have one for yours?"

He nodded and looked back at his now empty plate.

Seeing even an inkling of sadness on his face made my chest feel hollow.

That feeling in my chest let me know I was in quite the predicament when it came to Landon and I had no idea how I would get myself out of it.

[hazbincalifornia]

Hazbin Liveblog Episode 8

And the finale!

Oh yeah, I bet you'd like to see Alastor get fucked. /shot For real though, the animation here is so good.

Lilith mentioned again. Hmmmmmmmm.

Angel getting off the pole by flipping around like it's an actual pole is a nice touch.

I like Angel's little hat.

6/10 for going 'but if we don't win' during a pep talk, even if it's followed by something sweet. Cherri's unimpressed look is great though.

Oh, Niffty. I love not dying too, Vaggie. My favorite thing to do.

The animation on Alastor's little head-waggle is fantastic.

Alastor and Niffty moment, eeeee! Mimzy's right, he really is sweet if he actually likes you. He let her put a crown of roaches on his head and just laughed a little.

Oh, Angel is in love in love.

MISS BOMB...

THE CAPTIONS STRAIGHT UP CALL IT 'ROMANTIC MUSIC'

He's doing his best!!!!

Two dicks semi-canon, huh.....

Aaaaaand I'm tearing up at the soft ballad love reprise of More than Anything... love always matters, whether familial, romantic, platonic, or something in between.

And the kiss is lovely, not too quick but moving in at the same time and confident the other reciprocates. That's so sweet.

I never really noticed before, but why do all the exterminators have different horns? You think they'd all match either Adam (as the leader) or Lute (as the general that isn't Adam but is one of 'them'.)

The more intense Lute is, the more I like her.

So all exterminators are women? Wonder how that happened, if Adam decided he just wanted to lead an all-girl army or they were all made off one specific base.

Oh hey, cool outfits from Charlie and Vaggie! I like the Apple symbol on her mask/helmet thing.

Cherri looking butch and me looking Gay, mayhaps... I also love how Angel tore the middle off his suit and, although I can't quite tell from the style, hotpants. He's going down with his midriff exposed, by god.

Oh hey, Velvette isn't straightening her hair! Probably not worth it if they're laying low where nobody's watching. I love her dress too.

"Let the slaughter begin" I am going to rewatch that a few times. Just for me.

Niffty is definitely helping by stabbing the corpses. I love her.

I just noticed Charlie's in a cute little crown! It looks good on her, subtle but tasteful.

Ponytail Vaggie Fucks. And she WILL be fucking Charlie by the end of the week, I'm s. That's a look meant for eating pussy.

Adam coughing after taking down the shield... he's probably not used to putting in any real effort, just taking down helpless sinners like fish in a barrel.

"First man, next to die" is a banger of a line.

And the Alastor Swear tally is up to three!

"Jazz is for pussies" is nothing next to the first man line. Up your game, man, you're talking to a real wordsmith. Alastor's whole Thing is obnoxiously talking you to death.

I am like 90% sure whoever put in the 'edge-lord' line was snickering to themselves while writing it. He is, but we love him. (Viv's comic joking about how he's an edgy deviantart oc was just going around again the other day.)

I actually wheezed out loud at 'too much fucking red'.

Alastor absolutely pinned it- Adam's coasted for far too long and doesn't have any real, dangerous bite behind his bark. Alastor's probably fucked over dozens of overconfident pricks just like him.

See, 'radio is fucking dead' is a better line! Don't know how much sense it makes for Adam to know to say that since Alastor didn't really introduce himself as the Radio Demon, but still.

Oh. Oh he fucked up.

Alastor swear count is up to four, and the first one that's not carefully calculated.

On one hand: This is Bad. On the other, as a Favorites Getting Fucked Up Enjoyer: This is great.

I love how Velvette and Val seem to be watching Vox freak out over the actual screen.

And a thousand fic-writers cried out in anguish at Vagatha being decanonized. Was that ever canon or just a fanon thing?

You know, it makes perfect sense the fireworks thing from the pilot could be used in combat.

Yeah, you did walk right into that one.

Aaaaa big brother Angel is so good. Poor little eggy.

WAIT, ARE WE.... WAIT IS THE DEATH ACTUALLY GONNA BE PENT OR IS THIS GONNA BE A FAKEOUT? At least he got his kiss.

NOOOOOO

Oh fuck Charlie looks badass, and of course it would be like a magical girl thing.

I love how brutal Lute is- slamming her head violently against the table especially. There's no attempt to make the girl on girl fight 'sexy'.

Oh wait, she has a tail???? I didn't see it at first, but it's a good look on her.

Called Vaggie was going to pull a 'you only get to live because I let you'. Brutal that she lost her arm though, but deserved.

Okay, I actually shrieked out loud with laughter at 'I'm going to fuck you' and it went dead silent and cut to everybody's expressions and Angel has the fucking best smug grin. I sense as soon as I return to twitter at least five people I follow will have that as an icon.

"Wait, what did I say" and it goes right back to fighting. Comedy gold.

Niffty killing him is pitch-fucking-perfect. I never would have seen it coming but I also adore it. Niffty the king-slayer.

The switch between drama and jokes in this episode are really on-point. I do think Adam obliterating Pentious in half a second was... a bit much, though.

Charlie... they were never going to listen.

A reprise of 'happy day in hell' with a theme of 'the show must go on'... that's brilliant. I love Jeremy's voice, it's perfect.

Alastor looks completely fucking unhinged and I'm Looking Intently.

WHAT? WHAT????? Is he like..... replacement Adam now???? Or just proof redemption works?

So.... Lilith masterminding Alastor's deal not proven or disproven, but she did make a deal with Lute somehow to kill Adam. Iiiiiinteresting.

[d3nt4l-d4m4g3]

A few days ago, I emailed my former professor about a paper on women’s food practices in the middle ages. At least, that’s what I told him it was about, initially. 

But actually, I wanted to discuss heresy. This professor teaches a women’s rights course every year. Every year at the beginning of the class, he calls attention to why he, a man, is talking about women’s rights. He looks us in the eyes and says, no one else is doing it, and I’m sorry it’s me.

This man made us read the SCUM manifesto, Gerda Lerner, Maria Mies. He grazed the subject of the Lesbian Sex Wars, delicately, so gingerly, posing the question: “Can sex work ever be just work?”  And my  (all woman) classmates, generally mute—in a Women’s Rights class, they all seemed averse to saying the word “woman,” at all. Then one woman raised her hand. and she said, “Sex work is real work.”  A statement that, as I hope you know, is a deflection and a discussion killer.  

At the time I was non-binary. Hah. I submitted a comic at the end of the year of my final project. My thesis for that project was this: the very language female people have to use for themselves was constructed by the patriarchy. for example, the english word “vagina” comes from the latin word for “sheath”. so the vagina invokes the act of penetration upon its utterance. Whereas the word “penis” has no clear etymological root, implying that it is original while the vagina is constructed for him. Why should I carry the fact that I will always be a tool, the hole, of the human that is man? My solution, at the end of the comic, was to continue using they/them pronouns, to shield myself from the horror of being a wo-man, a s-he—an appendage of Him. 

I got a good grade. A stellar report. And it wasn’t a bad comic, for what I knew then. For my condition of blindness and deafness. I made a compelling argument, using sources from class.  But oh, how much older I feel now. I’ve always felt old but now I feel almost like I’m dying. Like I don’t have enough time to fix the world before I disappear. And women’s stories never survive. They are not surviving. networks spring up like mycelium and then every century at least they are burned. Witchcraft is in the air shared by women in a room of their own, and witchcraft is doused in gasoline.

I don’t have enough time to explain how the veil lifted for me. Maybe I forget the big moment. the days after were a blur of searching the no-no tags like radical feminist, GNC, gender critical. Amazed at the wealth of journals that these women linked to with real statistics showing that children are being sterilized for no reason. Mostly gay children. like me, a lesbian, who now lives in a house with three  “non-binary afabs”. This summer, one of these women, who I have known since freshman year, will start taking testosterone, a procedure I took up  for three turbulent months during my freshman year of college. I get to watch her become what I turned away from, knowing the experience fractured my sense of self to a point of  terror and estrangement. I get to watch her hide from her problems and cut herself off from womanhood the way I did for 3 years. I am not a woman, so do I not feel Woman’s pain, she is telling me, I told myself, when I was in a dream.  She has so many problems, she laughs. But trans is a separate problem that has nothing to do with those other problems. A coincidence.

 (For any trans people reading this, you may think: This transtrender fake-trans never-was-trans woman is treating these nonbinary people as if they were dead! as if they weren’t happy people finally living their truth! —well. I put my mom through the process of trying to convince her that I should have always been a man. and I did lose her, for months. For her it was the height of cognitive dissonance that I should want to go on a life-altering hormone to cure my lifelong social awkwardness and self-hatred and self-harm and depression. And I blamed her for not accepting my real self. I was basically made to shun her and my family because of transphobia.. It is disrespectful to anyone’s sanity and integrity for me to perpetuate that cognitive dissonance in this post.)

So I eventually got through to the professor. I knew because of the texts he had us to read for class. He is gay.  He has read all the theory, and lives by it.  And no (woman) student wants to speak to him. To bring the theory alive. They cannot breathe into it and it sits dead in his mouth.

Maybe it is because he is a man. because the presence of one man in a space of all women immediately sends up alerts.  lockdown. Certainly that is the case. Radical Feminists here: I know he’s a man. But I don’t have a woman. And I felt on the strength of the texts he’d given us that he would be my best bet. Maybe somewhere in the corrupted, rotting heart of my college there was a person who knew about thoughtcrimes and was thinking them anyway.

My professor starts with diversion. He starts by talking about my paper. I find it disconcerting that he starts that way. I worry that he won’t want to refer to my email. Where I say: I have woken up from a dream to the apocalypse—Does this man think I’m crazy? Chipper and kind of frantically, he lists off  primary sources of medieval nuns and women saints. for my paper.  Does this man think I’ve turned into a bigot?  Am I confessing lunacy, like a flat-earther?

But I steer the conversation to the meat at his first tentative encouragement. I tell him something like: “children, mostly gay children, a whole generation of gay children, are being sterilized. Porn is a symptom of late-stage capitalism—men’s ownership of women’s bodies. trans is an extension of this. I was part of this. I was in a cult.” I was shaking a bit. I don’t think I’d uttered those words out loud. They sound crazy. Some of the things I said did sound far-fetched. disorganized, remote. But I prayed that my professor would believe some of it, any of it. 

 What I will say is that he believes me.  Thank fuck, right?

He tells me something along the lines of this, vocalizing my fears: 

that all of academia is being scrubbed of anything that doesn’t support Trans.

And it is trans-identified female students and women who are reporting him to Title IX, who spend all their time in his classes fuming at the lack of validation for trans women in the  history of women. My sisters, footsoldiers for the cause. What cruel irony. This man is holding onto this class by his fingernails, speaking through his teeth, hoping any of the twenty young adult women staring blankly or angrily at him will hear him and listen.

 Looking back, the professor’s responses to my emails are vague, completely refusing to acknowledge a point of view other than “WOW. I look forward to discussing this.”  I think he thinks he could be blackmailed. Anything he says on gmail dot com can and would be used against him. It’s like, really, really, really that bad. 

No ideology should involve a cultural cleaning of women’s history feat. witch hunts. 

I will end here with an excerpt from my first email to this professor:

I'm sure you know what a total bummer it is to realize this. 

[wigglebox]

It saddens me that there's discourse posts going around about Misha’s past behaviour around joking (or otherwise) attraction to men. On the one hand I get it, if “gay lol” is the entire punchline to your joke it leaves a bad taste in my mouth too, but by the same token I've always appreciated how openly affectionate the cast are with each other. Not just Misha but obviously especially Misha. I think being limited to joking around only with people you would ACTUALLY sleep with is very limiting and also very weird to be honest if we stop arbitrarily enforcing it along gender lines and go right down to individuals. Being secure enough in your relationships with people to play around a little is an enviable position and I don't want him to suddenly dial all of that down out of fear people will misinterpret further. Close enough everyone thinks you're dating and so close because you both desperately wish you were dating are both great and one does not invalidate the other. I've BEEN both for different people and mutually played it up with people I had zero sexual attraction to on both axes of “attracted to this gender” and “not attracted to this gender”. Men should be allowed to kiss men for whatever reason they like regardless of what they are currently labelling themselves.

i understand where this criticism is coming from, it's very easy to read "straight = enemy" and that everything that's happened was just a 'lol that's gay' joke.

but i don't think anything was ever malicious coming from him. and people were fine with him being unlabeled either way and making those jokes, but now he's forced to label himself and now there's a panic that everything he's done was just a big 'lol fucking gaaaayyy' joke, which i understand, but i also don't agree with at all.

he really validated queer fans of this show, and that's not malicious. he engaged with us, fought for cas' story, etc etc. he provided safe spaces, always wanted us to have a good time, and helped spawn more communities because of it.

it's unfair, imo, this specific criticism.

and if he really is a 0 on that scale and as straight as straight can be, i do actually find it comforting that he has no issues being as affectionate with other men. it's hard finding straight men to be like this, for FEAR of being called 'gay'. he clearly didn't care. i agree, men of any sexuality, any number on the scale, any whatever queer whatever they are, should be allowed to hang all over each other, give a lil' smooch, good hugs, be affectionate, etc etc.

it's hard to say either way. it's like our eyes are reading one thing but our hearts feel something different re: his sexuality but the fact of the matter is publically, he happens to be straight. that's it.

he can't go into nuances. he can't get into a discussion about it anymore. so we're left with the options that 'straight' is a shield and defense, or 'straight' is legitimately honest to god where he lands and, nuance or not, that's that.

regardless, the things that endeared him to us over the years don't change.

[salemwritesxx]

𝓯𝓪𝓵𝓵𝓲𝓷𝓰 𝓯𝓸𝓻 𝔂𝓸𝓾.

𝕋 𝕒 𝕜 𝕒 𝕞 𝕚  𝕂 𝕖 𝕚 𝕘 𝕠  |  ℍ 𝕒 𝕨 𝕜 𝕤

     ⇴ male reader [22, chubby, 194cm]      ⇴ all characters are depicted as [18]+

↳ summary: [Your.name] is a chubby and tall man, someone who definitely didn’t fit Japan’s beauty standards. Safe to say, he wasn’t the most confident. However, during one group date, it finally all changes when he meets someone who is certainly very interested in him.

↣ rating: general audiences ↣ warnings: modern AU; self-deprecation; chubby, tall reader; reader’s “friends” being assholes to chubby reader; hawks and reader have a happy end tho; hawks is a simp for reader from the first minute on, ok?

part 2.

｡☆✼★━━━━━━━━━━━━★✼☆｡

“Come with us, they said. It will be fun, they said.”, you mumbled to yourself as you stood there. Awkward. Alone. Ignored. Too afraid the tiny bar stools would collapse underneath your big ass, hence why you chose to rather stand than sit.

Why did you let yourself get dragged into this group date? You wanted to say no in the beginning, but with your friends pestering you, you kind of agreed in the end. Though now, you knew all too well why you didn’t want to come.

As a chubby and very tall man, you weren’t the type that people, or rather, gay men, drooled over. At least you hadn’t had anyone show interest in you like that. Maybe it was because you were rather shy and thus not as loud as many of your fellow male friends, or you were the “wrong chubby”. Whatever it was, you were not attractive. Society made sure to tell you that at least once a day and sometimes those nice and kind people, not, were even going out of their way to tell you what a nuisance your were with your tall, fat ass taking up space. And in Japan, where everything was not really built to accommodate people like you, it was sometimes very hard to fit into things.

While you were sighing to yourself for the nth time and making sure to put yourself down as much as you could, you certainly didn’t realize how someone was always glancing at you. Hawks was one of the four gay men you and your friends had met today for said group date. Ever since he saw you, he had the urge to talk to you and get to know you. You were so tall and handsome and t h i c k. You could probably swing him around and break him like a toothpick. Just thinking about it made him grin.

However, it almost seemed like you had a shield around you he just couldn’t break through. He could guess why. Not only once had he seen people bullying the ones that didn’t fit the norm. Too fat, too skinny, too small, too tall – there was no end. People always found reasons to put others down. With how you stood there all alone, trying to make yourself as small as possible, Kei understood you tried to hide and you were uncomfortable. Even though you literally had nothing to hide. God, he wished he had met you sooner.

“Oiii Ta-ka-mi-san!”, his thoughts were rudely interrupted.

“What are you staring at Takami-san?”, then one of your friends, who was obviously interested in him, looked in the direction as well.

“Ah. [Your.name], huh? He’s like a car accident, right? You don’t wanna look but you also can’t really look away.”, your ‘friend’ laughed and Kei could have not been more disgusted by that behavior.

“God I wish I could just punch you, you fucking idiot!”, Keigo thought, furious and having to gulp down the anger.

Thus, he just smiled a little before he silently stood up to walk over to you, ignoring the calling of your ‘friend’. Instead, he got all nervous all of a sudden. Normally, he was the one being confessed to, not the one confessing or even initiating a conversation. Takami was used to people fawning over him, he was a rather successful model after all, hence why it was so hard to find someone who wasn’t just interested in him sexually or because of his money. And it did not help one bit that he found you so unbelievably attractive as well, his nervousness was at its peak.

“Hey. You’re… [Your.name], right?”, he tried to sound very casual as he leaned against the bar beside you. AND MY GOD, he was so tiny compared to you. He loved it. The way he had to look up so much.

You were rather surprised to get attention, especially from someone like Hawks. Like, he was so out of your league it was ridiculous to even think he would even BREATH besides you – yet there he was. Talking to you-

Oh. You knew what he wanted.

“Okay, look, let’s just skip all that polite small talk, the little laughs so we don’t feel awkward before you drop the question. Just tell me, which number do you want? Or should I just give you all three?”, you immediately cut to the chase. It had never been any different, so why would it be today? Especially when someone so sexy and pretty talked to you? Obviously he wanted someone from your much more handsome and well-trained friends.

Hawks was, however, rather surprised that THIS was your initial reaction to him talking to you. Though he could have not known how hard it would truly be to get to know you or get your number.

“Uhm… To be honest, your number alone would be quite sufficient.”, Keigo played it smooth. A handsome smile on his lips covered up his own nervousness – was he about to get rejected?

For a few seconds you stared at him, completely flabbergasted. Then you turned around and looked around… and looked around… and looked around some more until he finally asked, “Everything okay? You looking for an escape route?”

Keigo chuckled at the end, though he was not as calm as he pretended to be.

“No, I just…”, you then turned to him again, your brows furrowed, “… You can stop now, you know? Like, are you trying to prank me or…? Cameras anywhere? Like haha we got the fat guy. Look at him getting all flustered finally getting attention. Hahaha funny.”

At the end, you almost sounded a little angry, before you grabbed your drink and walked away from the bar. Saying Hawks was confused was an understatement. He just watched you for a moment as you walked away and squeezed into a lonely corner. God… How many people must have put you down for you to think he was pranking you?

“This is going to be more difficult than I thought.”

Running his hand through his hair, Kei had to calm down for a moment and reevaluate. Did you reject him because you genuinely weren’t interest or because you were self-conscious? Probably the latter. So… should he try again? Fuck yeah. As if he was going to give up so easily. He just needed you to know he really wasn’t pranking you, the rest… was up to Future-Keigo.

Clearing his throat and taking his drink, he then walked over to your corner. Standing in front of you he was so  s m o l. It would probably feel great hugging you.

“Okay that was rough. Listen, I really don’t wanna prank you or anything. Just… get to know you… ya know?”, this time he genuinely smiled a little, hoping you wouldn’t just reject him again.

Raising one brow, you were still rather suspicious. AS IF someone like Keigo would want to get to know you. Something was not right, you could feel it in every fiber of your big, chubby body. Then again.. maybe the only thing that you felt was the insecurities that held you back from getting to know someone who might genuinely be interested in you.

So, you gave yourself a little push.

“Yeah… I guess… I’m not really used to…. You know, how about we just start over?”

Keigo thought he had finally cracked you, giving himself a mental high five for being persistent. Thus, with a small smile he nodded and reached out his hand.

“Sure, nice to meet you, I’m Takami Keigo.”

“I’m [Your.name], nice to meet you.”, you finally smiled a little as well. Oof, his heart just jumped. Why was he so smitten already? He literally just met you. Keigo definitely wanted to get to know you more.

“So, how about we go take a seat over there? I could do with another drink.”, he said while pointing in the direction of a free table.

For a moment, you hesitated, though after a few seconds, you nodded, “Yeah, sounds nice.”

-

Without realizing it, hours went by as you and Hawks sometimes were the loudest ones laughing. Your friends just glancing over every so often, obviously jealous you had gotten the most handsome men of all of them today. But for the first time, you didn’t care what other’s thought as you and Kei just had … a connection.

Hence why, when he glanced down to his watch and sighed, you felt a little sad.

“I wish this night wouldn’t end. But I have a model job tomorrow and I only was a backup for someone so I didn’t even intend to have so much fun today. Time sure flies with you, [Your.name].”, he gave you one of his best smiles that made your throat dry and your knees weak.

“I… really enjoyed myself, too. Thank you. And sorry for acting like that in the beginning.”, you smiled apologetically and a little flustered. He found it very endearing.

“That’s fine, don’t worry about it. Well…”, he then looked at his phone and stood up, “It’s 2 a.m. definitely missed the last train. I’m gonna make a quick call for a taxi.”

“Hm.”, you nodded and watched for a second as he went outside where it was a little quieter to call.

Looking between Hawks and your friends who were still partying with Keigo’s friend group, you wondered if you should bring him home. You were the driver, but… how often had your friends disappeared with someone without telling you? How often did you leave a party all by yourself? It was time to be a little selfish today.

So, you hastily stood up and walked outside the bar, watching as Keigo typed on his phone, ready to call.

“Uhm, Takami-san?”, you interrupted him.

“Hm?”, he was a little surprised.

“If you want.. I can drive you home. I brought my own car since I was planning on leaving earlier too and I only drank one cocktail right in the beginning and the rest was alcohol free stuff so… if you want?”, your voice became a little smaller by the end, not knowing if you were too eager. Was this okay?

“Really? That’s not a problem?”

“No! Not at all.”, you reassured him.

“That’s great! I only live like 20 minutes away if we take the car. Ahhh, you’re a life saver, [Your.name]! Thank you.”, Keigo beamed.

And so, you hopped into your car, the only place big enough for you, at least that’s what it felt like since you invested in a nice big one. Keigo was quite cute how he sat there in the big seat, being so small.

The drive to Hawks’ home was also filled with chatter and laughter, once again reassuring you both that you definitely had some sort of connection. And since he had been attracted to you before, it only gave him more reasons that he wanted to meet you again. Man… this could be the first time a group date turned out successfully – for the both of you!

When you parked in front of his apartment complex, Takami didn’t even want to go yet. Wishing that time would just stop, he sat there for a few seconds before turning to you.

“Thank you, [Your.name].”

“No problem, really!”

“You know, if it wasn’t that late I would have invited you to a coffee or another drink or something but alas…”

“It’s quite late…”, you almost said a little… saddened?

“Hm… It is… I’ll call you!” Hawks then said with a little bit of a grin, since you had exchanged phone numbers before.

“O-Okay.”, you didn’t know why you stuttered, it was just… really new.

“Oh, but you can call me too, yeah? Don’t be shy. Well, anyways.”, he jumped out of the car, turned one last time to grin at you, his golden eyes sparkling a little, making you even more flustered.

“Have a safe drive home and have a good night, [Your.name]!”

“Ah, you too, Takami-san!”

Then, you just watched as he walked up to his apartment complex. You didn’t know what suddenly got into you when you opened the door and jumped out, calling for him.

“Takami-san?!”, it was literally two in the morning, his poor neighbors.

Though Hawks immediately turned his head.

“I… really, really enjoyed myself today. Just… thank you.”

Oh my God, you were so cute. Such a gentle giant teddy bear, that’s what you were. Without thinking about it, Keigo rushed back, catching you a little off guard when he walked around the car.

“You know, I might be a little drunk, but fucking God – I want to kiss you SO. BAD. right now.”, Kei said without hold back. His golden eyes gleaming in the dark and his cheeks flushed, you didn’t know if it was because of the alcohol or if he was blushing.

You, on the other hand, were very flustered, yet you barely whispered, “Maybe you should…”

Which only made Hawks giggle and raise his arms. An almost… seductive grin on his lips.

“Then you should help me out a little here, Handsome!”

Was he a bit drunk? Possibly. Was he overly flirtatious because he truly liked your personality and found you attractive and DEFINITELY wanted to meet you again?... Probably. But someone as straight-forward as Hawks was exactly who you needed because of your tendencies to overthink everything. Especially when it came to your weight and thus attractiveness. (Even though the one didn’t have anything to do with the other though not when it came to society.)  

And so, you accommodated him by leaning down. Takami himself standing on his tiptoes, thus, after he had hoped all night long, his lips finally met yours. His small arms wrapped around your big, broad shoulders and your big hand was placed on his lower back. That’s what he had wanted. And it really happened. To say Keigo was quite euphoric was an understatement. He was ecstatic, overjoyed, jubilant and so much more – and that from a little kiss. He surely fell quick and hard. Something he had never experienced before.

After a few moments of pure delight, you were the first to pull back, just to watch Kei bite his lip in such a sexy way it took all of your control to not grab him and pin him onto your car’s hood.

“Thank you.”, he just whispered, still with that grin on his lips, “I really enjoyed myself, too.”

Then, he let go and you did as well, this time really just watching when he turned around and walked into the apartment complex with one last wave. So you got back into your car as well, the last minutes replaying in your head over and over again.

With your hand covering your face, you had to hide your stupid, big grin. If all of that was just a dream, you didn’t want to wake up. Someone found YOU attractive. You had deemed yourself the most unattractive, undatable guy and that only because society had always told you that. But he didn’t care. He liked your “undatable, unattractive” body just the way it was. And not only that, after a rough start, you got along so well. You loved his little laughs, his beautiful eyes and those soft lips-

“God I have never felt like that before, what the fuuuck??”, you mumbled to yourself, still in disbelief that night even happened.

But as you drove away, you heard a little noise that came from your phone and as you looked up, you quickly scanned the text before looking back onto the streets – a wide smirk spreading across your face.

The message read.

“txet me wehn yruoe home so i konw yuore hmoe safe!”

｡☆✼★━━━━━━━━━━━━★✼☆｡

@salemwritesxx || do not repost, edit, modify or translate my works

⇻ salem.talks: let’s appreciate all shapes and sizes. being a short and rather stumpy man myself, ive been struggling a little with how i view myself ever since my relationship ended. ive been casually looking on apps but i think I am not ready for another relationship yet since my last one was rather messy. anyways. I know you shouldn’t rely on others to feel validated and loved but loving yourself is hard, bro so… yeah, its nice being desired for once, no? also this kinda makes me wanna write a part two but eh we’ll see!

part 2.

[knowlesian]

thinking about ed, and walls that become cages.

because we know ed is young when he kills his father; we can assume he’s just as young when he leaves home. young when he has to start fending for himself and keep the world not just at a distance but learn to bite back without crossing the fine line between being somebody’s eventual and immediate c.o.d.

that takes control. it takes a certain amount of planning. it takes understanding that people see what they want to see unless they’re looking carefully or you give them a reason to do otherwise.

because there’s no reason to disbelieve ed, when he confesses that to stede; we can have our own take on if he's defining murder right, but when it comes to ed the character with his own internal moral structure, he defines it so that the last person he killed personally was his father.

so the years with hornigold, pirate frat bro’ing it up with jack: nobody figures it out. he leaves home barely more than a kid, grows into a man in a culture where his line there would be anything but the accepted norm, and as far as we know nobody ever figures it out. he becomes the legend, he makes izzy his first mate; nobody knows.

he presents himself as blackbeard: legendary pirate. the kraken is his private shame, the thing he tells himself in his worst moments, and ed is who he is when he’s alone. blackbeard bridges the gap, in some ways, at the same time it protects him.

who would think blackbeard doesn’t kill? it’s ludicrous. he’s born of the devil. a million knives and guns and a head made of smoke. he has made himself so motherfucking scary all it takes is the evocation of his imagined wrath to make people surrender.

like ed said: he doesn’t even need to be on the ship.

the parts of piracy ed enjoyed— thinking fast in new ways and not the same old shit, equally new daring adventures, buckling some swashes and having gay sex via swordfights literal and colloquial that aren’t weird and depressing— are now basically all off the table.

he doesn't have to do much but run from one easy win to the next, maybe plot a daring escape in between, but it’s all the fucking same. he built blackbeard to protect himself; his secrets, his tender underbelly. and then he built blackbeard as a channel for his very real anger, because among the many rational responses to a lifetime of unfair bullshit is being pissed off about it.

violence isn’t ed’s instinct, but push people far enough and they push back. physical violence absolutely provided him a shield (nobody suspects the guy who chops off toes and make people eat them of not liking murder, because... that’s fucking terrifying holy shit that is MURDER BASEMENT territory, if you don't know all the secrets ed told stede, or we as an audience saw in flashback)  but it also provided an outlet for that anger.

he's older now; still angry, because the world is still fucked up, but no longer satisfied channeling everything into the same old expected patterns and only letting his other impulses bleed in around the edges until the world (or izzy) reminds him to pull it back in and be who he is supposed to be.

this is the problem of becoming blackbeard so nobody will be able to see ed, and the things he doesn’t want them to see; self-fucking-fulfilling prophecy. he needed blackbeard, once upon a time, but he’s outgrown blackbeard. it always hurt him, but it used to give him things he needed. 

the utility’s gone. all being blackbeard does is hurt him now and he wants to figure himself out beyond the boundaries of his legend but he built the foundations of said legend so well knocking them over also involves toppling pillars of identities that aren't even his.

it is an absolute goddamned pickle of a bitch of a Situation. i enjoy these writers a lot but also: ow?

[colorisbyshe]

I have a looooooooong and complicated history with Harry Styles. Like I got into One Direction in late 2012 and he was always in my rotation as a top 2/3 member. I have hated him, I have considered a moment at a concert where he splashed water on me to be one of my favorite concert moments of all times, I have written and read essays on everything wrong and right with him... for a decade now.

And I think his biggest issue is he is loooves to have his cake and eat it too. He loves the benefits of being perceived as X thing without the risk of openly being X thing. Doesn’t matter if he actually is X or just pretending he is, he thrives in the ambiguity which just ultimately makes him be very insincere. And also makes the “real” him that accidentally seeps through seem so much sharper in contrast.

For example, the ambiguity around his sexuality. Real, non-celebrity closeted people cannot toe the line with their sexuality and profit from it. But he exploits the ambiguity, the “will he won’t he” come out thing to hold a captive audience. Gay/bi or not, it feels insincere and shitty. But it also makes unfiltered slip ups like “I’m making REAL gay cinema that matters, unlike that horny shit” feel razor sharp because like... either he’s a straight man sexualizing gay media and harping on harmful stereotypes or he really is a closeted man so disconnected from his community that he can shove us and our art down to stand on our shoulders without feeling bad about it. Two very different forms of shittiness with no real way to figure out which one applies, so either criticism ends up being attacked by whoever believes the opposing narrative.

But this applies to... everything. He wants to be perceived as deep and open but refuses to say anything that would ever actually step on toes, so he says a lot of kind of empty, general statements. He’ll unleash 4 different explanations of one song to avoid revealing personal but then sell the album on being his most personal yet. Treat people with kindness but also won’t reign in his rabid fanbase when they attack other people, including his girlfriends.

He wants the reward, not the risk.

And so his entire persona becomes a very, very thought out way of finding the perfect balance of “What can I say/do to garner attention and a very niche brand without alienating anyone,” which ironically becomes alienating the more it continues and often kind of corners him into saying dumb shit like “I want to be in this movie because it feels like a movie you would see at the movies.” Because anything he could actually say about this liberal feminist, controversial-behind-the-scenes film he’s in might piss people off. Or, ironically, might expose how insincere he is.

But the only alternative in that situation is saying something so stupid and empty... people still get pissed off.

And I just don’t think he’s caught on to the fact that this risk vs reward balance thing he’s doing isn’t working anymore. Especially when it leads to him saying shit like “I just haven’t found a social issue that speaks to me yet” during peak BLM  while slapping on rainbow and BLM stickers onto his tiny guitar that only fans will see.

You just reach a point where it doesn’t actually matter what his truth is. What he cares about. If he actually wants to fuck men or not. It just becomes more and more clear he’d rather use a NARRATIVE around it to manipulate a fanbase than ever reveal anything.

And he isn’t unique as a celebrity in that way but it does become more and more cloying because he’s often juxtaposed as unique or more real for things that ultimately just feel like PR tactics.

And it just feels like the ambiguity is just a shield now. Like you can’t criticize me because you can’t be sure what angle I’m really coming from nad it’s like... really? Well I’ll fucking criticize you anyways.

[aqueeracademic]

morse being queer (and other commentary) pt 2:

season 1, episode 2, “Fugue”:

- morse looking over his shoulder to look at jakes

- no need to look morse up and down like that, jakes 🤨

- i don’t like crime scenes that don’t include morse and debryn speaking to each other this is bullshit

- this little husband man of the dead woman deserves better but he looks like one of the farmers from Fantastic Mr. Fox

- morse and jakes are absolutely insane for talking to each other like that and not getting in a physical fight

- morse correcting jakes’ italian pronunciation is insane.

- “not as if anybody NORMAL would think to look there...” jakes shut ur bitchass up🤨

- morse asking immediately for debryn when he gets to the second crime scene

- “i presume you mean anything suspicious?”

- debryn READ him

- debryn is so...... if i speak. 😧

- morse is sooo awk around jakes i’m embarrassed

- this freaky little guy playing piano not being the murderer is also insane of the writers i was so convinced it was him

- i want a show that is all debryn

- it’s just that debryn is on the same level of knowledge as morse is except morse is like a genius in arts and debryn is a genius in sciences and it’s just that they compliment each other so well it makes me ill

- jakes is so petty

- jakes is also a fucking snitch to the PRESS no less

- morse needs to be a better friend to strange

- thursday’s family is the only thing i care about

- bright is ALSO a petty motherfucker

- i wish this episode was more gay i’m tapping my foot waiting for smth gay to happen 😔😔

- the fake doctor is soooooo annoying

- morse is sooo pretty when he relaxes his face

- the gay part of this episode is that the killer is down bad for morse

- “look alive, morse. it’s the competition.”

- jakes fr wants morse to know he also hates the fake doctor

- “something you should see, sir. you too, morse.”

- “looks like you’ve got an admirer.”🤨

- who, jakes? you?

- no but fr that’s the only time we’ve seen jakes actually care about smth having to do with morse

- i hate to tell this mother but those are NOT sandals they’re mary janes

- jakes makes fun of morse a lot for someone who hangs on every word he says during cases 🤨🤨

- “one bloody misfit talking to another.”

- just call morse a slur and GO, jakes

- we all know what it means when a killer stabs his victims 😏

- ^not funny

- this is the only man i’ve ever seen behave realistically when stabbed

- strange is such a real one do NOT hmu

- debryn is so... IF I SPEAK 😧😧

- debryn is the only one who consistently and genuinely cares about morse

- no need to stand so close to his face while talking about how worried u are about him dying, debryn

- “you sure you’re fit for duty?”

- 🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨

- bit late to care about his well being now jakes

- prolly just thinking about how good morse looks in his shirt

- this killer is gayyyyy!!!!!!!!!!

- “it suits him to have you alive” 🤨🤨

- ELABORATE on that.

- jakes subtly letting morse walk in the church before him just like how more subtly let jakes enter the train car before him

- let ME elaborate: it’s morse’s crime scene both times, but morse doesn’t like looking at dead bodies. he knows jakes doesn’t mind and jakes knows morse is uncomfortable, so they switch the order they’re walking in so jakes will get in the train car first and shield the body from morse. in the church, jakes humbles himself and lets morse walk in first because they beat the deadline. there won’t be a dead body and jakes wants morse to get the credit for the discovery of the girl so he steps aside to ensure morse enters first

- are you confused who you ship now? yeah, me too😔

- STRANGE IS SO REALLLLLL

- let me marry him.

- morse turned around SO QUICK WHEN HE WALKED IN IM CACKLING

- even jakes is struggling to look at the body he keeps turning to look at morse 😕😕

- them randomly bringing the weird husband back in for no reason is crazy

- MRS. THURSDAY IS SO FUCKING REAL SHE MAKES ME WANNA CRY

- thursday using his own coat instead of morse’s to lay over him makes me wanna break down

- i know hes looking at the wall of pictures but the director perfectly framing jakes’ face for morse to look at is insane

- jakes out here backing up morse’s theories all of a sudden 🤨🤨

- jakes kicking down a door is 😧😧

- morse getting a little embarrassed talking to jakes about his choir 😔

- why do bad guys always have to monologue

- thursday could have been dead five times over by the time this guy gets done talking

- we get it ur obsessed w morse 🙄🙄

- morse is insane for tackling two fighting men while on a rooftop that could have been the worst mistake of his whole career

- “to be clever is to be alone.”

- can u stfu?????? goddam

- everyone is so mean to him

- i see nothing but myself in morse it makes me so sick.

- morse crying here seems so random but it’s so real i can’t handle it

- FUCK OXFORD IS SO PRETTY

- thursday’s closing speech is something that is so... i’ll cry.

[a-small-batch-of-dragons]

Begone, Bitch

Prompts: Hi ! I just wanted to say that i love your stories and the way you write the characters ! If you want, could you write about Virgil being comforted by the other sides, or him getting hurt while protecting the others ? - anon

I am beyond grateful for every fic you write, you are so good at pushing all the right emotional buttons to just make my entire day. I don't want to be greedy since you already make so much good content, but in 'Lie to Me' there was that little one off scene in the kitchen where Virgil pushes Janus behind him to 'protect ' him from Roman and I *cannot* stop thinking about it. I would die for a whole fic of Virgil protecting Janus(and the others, but mostly Janus, I like when people are sweet to the snake boy) from danger by physically shielding him with his body. Overprotective Virgil is my favorite. So this is a prompt/request but only if you really really want to <3 And thank you for writing such wonderful fic. - awitchbravestheverge

Ah yes more opportunities to write in Virgil's narration style.

Read on Ao3

Warnings: none, not really. Some creepy shadow shit from the Subconcious and Virgil gets a little hurt but nothing graphic

Pairings: platonic found family babey

Word Count: 4504

The Subconscious is a nasty piece of work. It’s not quite powerful enough to overtake the Mindscape by itself, Roman and Remus do too good of a job holding the barriers in the Imagination, but that doesn’t mean little shits don’t worm their way through every now and then. Guess who gets the fantastic job of being alert to each and every single one of them?

No fucking prizes for guessing who.

The Subconscious is a nasty piece of work. It’s not quite powerful enough to overtake the Mindscape by itself, Roman and Remus do too good of a job holding the barriers in the Imagination, but that doesn’t mean little shits don’t worm their way through every now and then. Guess who gets the fantastic job of being alert to each and every single one of them?

No fucking prizes for guessing who.

For the most part, Virgil’s able to work undetected. Or, well, no, the others will see him doing shit but they don’t know that’s what he’s doing. He just has to stand between them and whatever gross slimy black thing has crawled its way up from the depths of the Subconscious and it’ll get absorbed. Part of Thomas’s background anxiety until he can banish back to the hellhole from whence it came.

That doesn’t always mean it’s…painless.

Some of them are fine. Some of them are like little misty bits that just putter around where they’re not fucking supposed to be and Virgil can just pluck them out of the air and stuff them into the pockets of his hoodie and wait. These ones really like to bother Patton, for some reason.

Patton’s baking today, cinnamon sugar muffins. He’s humming to himself as he bustles about the kitchen with that weird boundless energy of his that makes everyone want to think about nothing but sunshine. Ruins the hell out of Virgil’s gloomy emo image but hey, fresh muffins. Sacrifices must be made somewhere.

“Did you want to help, Virgil, or are you fine with just sitting there?”

Virgil blinks, having zoned out after the third time watching one of the containers almost fall over. “Nah, I’m good.”

Patton shrugs. “If you change your mind…”

“I won’t, Pat, I’m good. You’re doing great.”

“Aw, thanks!”

Virgil opens his mouth to say something else when he sees a little grey thing twisting in the air next to Patton’s head. He suppresses a sigh and reaches out, careful to make sure Patton’s back is turned as he snags the pesky little thing and whips it away. He stuffs his hand in his pocket as soon as Patton turns around.

“What was that?”

“What was what,” Virgil asks, blinking innocently as he squeezes the icy thing in his pocket, “what’re you talking about?”

Ah, it’s the hands-on-the-hips dad pose today. “I saw you reach for something, mister, now what did you do?”

“Don’t worry about it.” The misty little shit shrivels and disappears, leaving an ice-cold sting on his hand out of sight. “It’s fine.”

“Show me your hands.”

“What?”

“Show me your hands, Virgil.”

Virgil sighs and pulls the unstung hand out of his pocket. “See,” he says, waving it for good measure, “nothing to see here.”

Patton just raises an eyebrow. “And what about the other one?”

“C’mon, Pat—“ he sighs when both of Patton’s eyebrows go up— “fine, here.”

Patton’s eyes widen when he sees the mark on Virgil’s palm. He rushes forward instantly, cradling the injured hand and reaching for a towel. Conveniently, he gets one that was quite near where the misty thing had been floating.

“You could’ve told me you were hurt,” he says softly, tending to the sting with such tenderness that Virgil almost believes it’s something to worry about, “I would’ve helped.”

“But it’s fine, Pat,” Virgil sighs, “I could’ve dealt with it.”

“I know, I know.” Patton gives the hand one last dab with the towel before pronouncing it good enough. “But it’s never a crime to let us help you, kiddo.”

The corner of Virgil’s mouth tugs up. “Thanks, Pat.”

“Oh, of course, kiddo. Now you sit tight, the muffins won’t be another ten minutes.”

“Can’t wait.”

2.

Sometimes the Subconscious decides it’s bored of letting just the little misty bastards out and lets out the fucking ooze.

Have you ever seen Venom? Know how the symbioses move and how weird it is to look at?

Yeah, it kinda looks like that, just without the gay domesticity and mutual pining.

Nah, this ooze is mindless, just wants to—well, it doesn’t want anything, it just gets fucking everywhere. Makes it real hard to think sometimes, messes everything up.

Really likes fucking with Logan. Which first off, is not allowed. Don’t fuck with Logan. Don’t fuck with any of them, Virgil can and will kick your ass, but especially don’t fuck with Logan. Remus will tear you apart and no one will stop him. Except for Logan. Maybe. ‘Cause he’s nice like that.

Anyway, Virgil gets a weird tingle between his shoulders when there’s an oozy bitch up and about. He’s sitting on the couch, minding his own damn business, but then there’s that itch between his shoulders and he perks his head up.

Logan sits in a chair, alternating between scrolling on his laptop and making notes in one of his many notebooks. Virgil frowns, looking around, seeing if there’s any goo to keep track of, only to come up with nothing. Huh.

“Virgil?”

“Yeah?”

Logan tilts his head, concerned. “Are you alright? You look worried.”

He shakes his head, still squinting around the room. “Weird feeling, that’s it.”

“Will you let me know if it gets unbearable?” Virgil nods. “Thank you. Well, I’m going to get some more coffee, would you like any?”

“Uh, yeah, sure, L, that’d be great.”

Logan nods and stands, going to the kitchen. Leaving his laptop unattended on the coffee table.

Virgil watches as a truly massive ooze slides out from between the couch cushions and toward the laptop.

Not today you slimy bastard.

Unfortunately, he’s just a second too slow as a tendril from the ooze touches the laptop and yanks, pulling the laptop off the coffee table and sending it hurtling toward the floor. Virgil bites back a curse and lunges. His hand grabs the ooze just as his arm catches the laptop.

“Get back here, you little shit,” he grunts, opening his hand and using his power to suck the frothing fucker into his arm where it can go the fuck back to the Subconscious.

“Virgil, you—“

Shit.

Virgil looks up, a little guilty, as Logan comes back around the corner holding two coffee mugs. He looks down and raises an eyebrow.

“You…saved my laptop?”

“It was falling,” Virgil mutters, setting the precious cargo back on the coffee table, “didn’t want it to.”

“Ah. Well, thank you. I appreciate it.” Logan sets one of the coffee mugs down and reaches out a hand to help him up. “Though I assure you it is not the first time that laptop has been dropped.”

“What do you do with your stuff, Lo, I swear you make more cryptic remarks about it than J.”

“It’s all part of the experiment.”

“See, there you go again!”

3.

And then, then sometimes the Subconscious decides oh, it wants to get inventive and spawn this horrific little ooze-demons. Goat head, four legs, runs about like a creepy little horror game creature, they’re fucking awful. They don’t all look the same but they’re always running and climbing about like some gross as hellcat gremlins. Their nails are so sharp.

These fuckers really like messing with Janus. He’s got too many fun things to pull on, too many heavy clothes for them to pull and make him trip, and they like scurrying up his staff too much. They’re absolute fucking nightmares.

The good news is they’re by far the most obvious of the obnoxious little shits that manage to slip through the barriers of the Subconscious. Virgil hears a weird skittering in his ears and knows that one of the little monsters is loose again. Given how they all flock to Janus like he’s some fucking homing beacon, it’s easy to find them.

Janus is pacing back and forth, yanking angrily at the end of his clothes like they’re about to snag on something, his staff clutched in his hand. His head is down, muttering to himself as Virgil walks up.

“J?”

His head whips around. “Oh. Virgil. Certainly expected to see you here.”

“That’s me, always turning up where I’m not wanted.”

“I didn’t say that,” Janus mumbles, resuming his pacing, “though I didn’t mean to summon you. You can go.”

“You didn’t summon me, J,” Virgil says, leaning against the wall and looking around for wherever the bastards are, “I’m here of my own free will.”

“Free will,” Janus scoffs, turning around, “what the hell even is that?”

Out of the corner of his eye, Virgil spots movement.

“It’s not like there’s some master document of humans where free will is written into it.”

Slowly, Virgil raises his hand toward the spot, not tearing his eyes off it.

“And the belief that animals don’t have it! Ha, some of them exhibit characteristics of choice much more than we do.”

The little fucker snaps at his fingers as he makes a grab for it. He snags it by the scruff of the beck and yanks.

“And what is this about it being provable? Show me one scientific theory that has space in it for free will. Do it, I dare you.”

Virgil bites back a curse as he wrests the pesky shit around the middle, ignoring the way it chomps and snarls at him.

“Just because you have or don’t have free will doesn’t make you exempt from the constraints of society. Even if you aren’t making your own choices that doesn’t mean you’re the exception to the consequences.”

The teeth that sink into the sleeve of his hoodie are the last to vanish as Virgil breathes out, watching the last of it fade as Janus turns around.

“Sorry,” he mumbles, tugging his hat and gloves, “haven’t been…”

“S’okay, J,” Virgil waves with the hoodie sleeve that isn’t ripped, “you’re good. Come on, let’s go eat something.”

“…pasta?”

“Sure thing, danger noodle.”

“Ugh, I take it back.”

“Whatever you say, hazard macaroni.”

“I’m taller than you!”

4.

It makes sense that the Subconscious decides to send the most insidious shit after the twins. They’re the reason the pieces of shit monsters can’t make it up to the rest of them. And for the most part, they know what to look for. They don’t have the same awareness of all the little idiosyncrasies that Virgil does, but they beat back a fair number of them on their own.

Which is why the ones they can’t are tricky.

Remus is Dark Creativity, he lives in the muck with the monsters. Thrives in it. Loves the way the gross and the unwanted and the sickening twist and turn about his realm, thrills in the horrified swoop in his stomach when something truly gruesome rears its ugly fuckin’ head.

What he can’t deal with is the fog.

The first time Virgil saw it, he honestly thought it was smoke. He thought Remus had set something on fire and panicked, reaching through to try and find the blaze, find Remus, find a goddamn fire extinguisher, but it was cold.

Like…really cold.

You know how when the air is really humid it feels like it has a weight to it? Like it hangs over you like a wet rag that you just can’t shake off?

Imagine that but cold.

Virgil shivers and reaches forward, trying to find Remus. He’s still never gotten used to it, even though he’s seen it so many times now. Remus doesn’t make it out of his room when the fog comes. He blames it on creative block but Janus always hisses gently when he says that.

“Remus? Remus,” Virgil calls using his tempest tongue, “where are you, buddy?”

He can’t see Remus yet, but the call did its work. The fog ripples in front of him, almost shying away from the sound waves as he moves. He keeps calling, keeps watching the fog almost flinch as it recedes from him. His voice grows louder, louder. The fog begins to retreat in earnest.

Finally, he sees Remus, curled up on his bed, staring at the wall. Virgil muffles a curse as he strides forward, crooning as softly as he can in tempest tongue while glaring furiously at the fog as it sheepishly retreats. As the last of it fizzles, Remus’s head comes to flop on Virgil’s shoulder.

“Hey, spider-ling,” he mumbles, “when’d you show up?”

“A few minutes ago.” Virgil brushes Remus’s hair off his forehead. “You looked upset, bud, wanted to come check on you.”

“Fucking fine,” comes the slur, signifying that Remus is anything but, “I’m fucking fine, babe.”

“You’re exhausted and cold.” Virgil scoops him up into his arms. “Come on. Let’s go find J. He’ll spoil you.”

Sure enough, as soon as Janus sees Remus lying in Virgil’s arms, he jumps up with a coo and takes the other side from him, lying him down on something warm and promising to get him something warm to drink. No, Remus, not engine fuel. Something safer, at least for right now.

Virgil stands at the door, waiting.

There’s an itch between his shoulders and another chill down his spine.

A cloud of fog emerges from down the hallway. From it, three shadow gremlins canter toward him.

He grits his teeth and braces.

The first one collides with his shoulder and he grabs it, squeezing until the shadow folds in on itself. The second hits his shin and he punts it into a wall, scooping the remnants and absorbing them. The third one vanishes in a quick shout of tempest tongue.

You’re not gonna get them, he thinks as he shouts the fog away, not on my goddamn watch.

5.

The worst part of the Subconscious is the shadows.

Because they all have shadows. They all do. That’s just the nature of being an opaque thing and existing in proximity near light sources. Shadows are a natural by-product of blocking light, that’s it.

Wow, he’s been spending more time with Logan than he thought. Sweet.

But the Subconscious shadows are different. There’s no such thing as dark. Only an absence of light. There is no substance known as ‘dark,’ sure there’s dark energy or dark matter if you go the physics route, but there isn’t a thing ‘dark’ the way there’s a thing ‘light.’

If you looked at the Subconscious shadows, you’d believe otherwise.

They look normal. They look just like normal shadows. Something resting against the wall casts a shadow. Something moving in front of a window casts a shadow. Something sitting on the edge of the desk casts a shadow.

But these shadows move.

You have to pay such close attention to even catch them. You have to know precisely what on your desk is casting what part of the shadow when—hold on, what is that? Is it the water bottle? No, you pick up the water bottle and the cylinder two spaces across move. So you pick up the lamp and no, that’s not it either. You move your hand—your hand’s shadow is easy to track—and you move it to where it should be overlapping with whatever’s casting that shadow. You look closer. But there’s nothing blocking the light where your hand is, nothing between the light and the wall.

You stare at the shadow.

And then it moves.

See? They’re fucking terrifying. Like some Peter Pan gone wrong shit. Creepy, sinister, innocuous-looking, you’ve got to be constantly on guard to catch them. You have to be smart. These ones, out of all the Subconscious monsters, feel the most spiteful. Like they’re doing this on purpose, to terrorize the Mindscape.

That’s probably why they go for Roman.

Roman holds the barriers the most. Remus pushes them to reinforce them, but Roman draws the lines in the sand. Roman is responsible for keeping Thomas safe from the barriers breaking, is largely responsible for Thomas being able to see the Sides at all.

So of course the Subconscious hates him.

Roman is the only one who will summon Virgil when he thinks there’s something wrong. Sure, it’s never been quite as simple as Virgil showing up and Roman telling him he’s scared, he thinks something just moved. They used to just throw barbs at each other until Roman was distracted enough for Virgil to suck up the shadow, or fight until Virgil pointed out where it was and Roman said it was just a test, but they’re better now.

Virgil appears in Roman’s room and immediately looks around. Roman sits on the bed, his hands folded primly over the sword in his lap, polishing the pommel with forced calm.

“There are at least three,” he says, his voice perfectly even, “I can’t keep track of them anymore.”

“It’s okay, Princey,” Virgil says softly, turning and turning to try and catch them, “I’m here now. You did a good thing calling me. Are you alright?”

“I’m here,” Roman says, forcing a little false cheer into it, “not the biggest fan of what’s happening, but I’m here.”

Virgil smiles at him briefly before he sees the flicker.

There.

“Roman,” he says calmly, “I need you to go stand by the window.”

Roman gets up and walks to the window, sitting under the sill and closing his eyes. Virgil grits his teeth and makes his shadow overlap with the one on the wall.

It burns as he starts to absorb it, writhing in protest and screeching silently for the others to come help. Sweat begins to bead on Virgil’s forehead as two move shadows race to enlarge his silhouette. Goddamn, they’re vicious tonight. What the hell would they have done to Roman if he hadn’t called?

Not on my goddamn watch.

He’s panting by the time they’re gone, but he’s alright. He’s good. They’re gone. Roman is safe. He turns and opens his arms, letting Roman come and bury his face in the crook of his neck.

“Thank you,” Roman murmurs quietly, “sorry.”

“Don’t apologize, Princey, this is my job.” He claps Roman on the shoulder. “You did good too.”

Roman huffs. “I sat in the corner. That’s not much.”

“And you did great. Now come on, Pat’s making cookies.”

“Oh, right, is it Remus’s night to help?”

“Yeah.”

“Hmmm…maybe we should swing by and warn Logan first.”

“Good idea.”

+1.

Nothing’s happened in a while and Virgil is getting worried.

Normally the longest they go without an incident is a month, maybe, and then it’s normally back-to-back nonsense for like a week.

But it’s been three months. And nothing. No misty tendrils, no puddles of ooze, no snapping gremlins, no fog, no shadows. Virgil’s just about on the verge of running a round-the-clock patrol of the damn place just to make sure he doesn’t miss anything.

As it turns out, he needn’t have bothered.

Stupid, stupid. Idiot.

He fucking missed it. He fucking missed it.

All the other Sides had monsters that went after them specifically. Why should Virgil get left out?

The Subconscious hadn’t been stopping, or slowing down, no. It had been biding its fucking time.

And now…

Virgil scrambles backward, trying to keep himself between the door to the Imagination and the figure in front of him. They slash at him again and he dodges just in the nick of time. He winces, claps a hand to his chest, and literally feels his heart skip a beat as his hand passes right through.

He’s being absorbed.

The figure raises a dripping, shadowy arm and brings the weapon down again. Virgil can’t stop dodging long enough to get a good look at it. He only knows that it fucking hurts and that it’s draining him. Draining him back into the Subconscious.

If he can just keep it here, if he can just hold off long enough to figure out what to do—

Another slash comes down on his arm and he yells, tempest tongue dying in his throat. That one fucking hurt.

He throws a handful of dirt up just to see if maybe it will blind them or give them a moment’s pause but no. The dirt just sinks into it like some fucking nightmare vacuum. The next strike collides.

“Virgil? Virgil?”

“What the fuck is that thing?”

“It’s draining him, move!”

“Hang on, Virgil, we’re coming!”

“Don’t you fucking dare hit him again!”

The figure turns, only to jump out of the way when Remus’s Morningstar smashes into the ground where they had been standing. Remus growls, ripping it out of the soil and swinging again. The figure parries the blow only to let out an inhuman wail as Roman’s sword slices its arm.

“Get the fuck away from him,” Remus snarls.

“Back!” Roman swings again, driving them away from Virgil. “Back, foul beast!”

“Don’t insult them by comparing the beasts to whatever the fuck this is.”

Logan rushes up before Virgil can open his mouth to ask what the fuck is going on, dropping to his knees and pressing something warm to Virgil’s chest.

“Virge? Virge, stay with me,” he calls softly, “come on, it’s alright, we’re here now.”

“How—“ Virgil gasps as his chest starts to…resolidify? “How did you—what? How?”

“Oh, Virgil,” Logan murmurs, rubbing whatever the miracle thing on his chest is in small circles, “did you really think we never noticed that you were trying to fight them by yourself?”

Oh.

Oh, fuck.

“Shh,” he soothes, helping Virgil up into a seated position, “it’s okay. We’re not mad. Just worried. You’re hurt.”

“Fuck!”

“Just stab them, Ro.”

“I’m trying!”

Despite himself, Virgil huffs a laugh as he leans against Logan. “Are they—we should help.”

“You,” Logan says sternly, “will sit here and let me finish making sure you won’t be drained. The twins can handle themselves.”

Still, Virgil’s heart stays in his throat until he spies something else running up the hill. A shadow beast, a massive one.

“Logan, look out—”

Logan turns and—

Who the fuck gave Logan a gun?

The shadow beast has flopped over onto its side and dissipated, Logan already back to tending to Virgil’s wound but the time Virgil’s dizzy, half-drained brain figures out what just happened.

“You…you shot it.”

Logan quirks an eyebrow. “You sound surprised.”

“Remus!”

“Get back!”

“What the hell is it doing?”

“It’s growing, shit, Ro, we gotta fall back.”

“Guard Logan, check on Virgil, I’m right behind you!”

The twins rush up and form a guard around Logan and Virgil as the shadow figure swells. Virgil’s eyes widen as it growls, growing larger and larger and larger still until the shadows look strapped at the seams, fit to burst. It grows claws. It grows teeth. It grows more limbs than he can count.

It leers down at them and opens a gaping, black maw.

“Now!”

Roman crouches down to shield him as dirt flies up around them. Logan bends in too as something equally massive soars overhead. Virgil manages to peek between Roman and Remus to see a blur of green tackle the monster.

“Is that…is that Patton?”

“I believe it’s ‘Lily Pad-ton,’” Logan corrects wryly as the twins snicker, “but…yes.”

Judging by the roar of the monster, he’s doing something.

“Where’s Janus,” he hears Roman hiss, “he should’ve been here by now.”

“There!”

Remus points and Virgil spots a fucking enormous yellow snake unhinging its jaw. The monster howls as it starts to vanish down the snake’s gullet.

“Holy fuck.”

“I think Janny’s hungry.”

“Pissed off, more like.” Roman lays a hand protectively on Virgil’s shoulder, squeezing encouragingly as Virgil gasps at the contact. “Whatever that thing is hurt Virgil.”

Remus growls in assent.

The thing in Virgil’s chest starts to burn hotter. Logan shushes him gently as he whines in pain.

“It’s alright, Virgil, you’re almost done. We’re right here, just breathe.”

“You’re safe, sweetheart,” Roman murmurs as he starts to list side to side, “we’ve got you.”

“Nothing’s gonna fucking touch you,” he hears Remus snarl as he passes out, “promise.”

He comes to an indeterminate amount of time later, laid out on the couch, his head in Patton’s lap. He blinks.

“Hey, kiddo,” Patton murmurs, stroking his hair, “you feel any better?”

“Um, yeah,” he mumbles, turning a little and wincing at the pull in his chest, “what…what happened?”

“We won.” Roman pats his arm. “All safe now. You did great.”

“All I did was lie there.”

“Yeah, and you did great.” He winks.

Virgil’s gaze rolls around to catch Logan setting down a glass of water and crouching by his head.

“L?”

“You’re all better physically,” Logan says softly, “but it might take some time for you to feel like it. Just take it easy for a while.”

“And that means,” comes Remus’s voice from over the couch, “you gotta let us help defend you too.”

Virgil flushes. “But it’s not your job.”

“Are you insinuating that our job is not to take care of you?” Roman holds his hand to his chest in a mock gasp. “Because that is rude.”

Patton gives his hair a gentle tug. “We’re gonna look after you, kiddo, you deserve it.”

“I—um…” Virgil swallows heavily. “But if I dealt with it properly you wouldn’t have to.”

A soft hiss comes from the chair. Virgil looks and sees Janus sitting there, one leg crossed over the other. He smiles softly.

“You can let us help you, sweetie,” he murmurs, “rest for a little. Don’t try and take on the Subconscious by yourself.”

“…okay.” He squints. “Wait, why are you all the way over there?”

“Digesting,” Janus says, completely dignified.

Virgil snorts. “I’m just sad I missed it.”

“Oh, it was fucking epic.”

“Language, kiddo.”

“Oh, come on, you were great—“

Logan chuckles next to his head as Virgil drifts back off to sleep with a smile on his face.

…he is gonna ask who gave Logan a gun after he wakes up properly.

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