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lord-squiggletits · 7 months

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NGL I think one of my least favorite "gotchas" that I see/get while critiquing stories is "so how would you fix it? oh so you don't have an idea of how to rewrite the story to make it better? oh so basically you're just complaining that you don't like it and don't have actual critique."

Buddy.

Sometimes the reason I don't have a "solution" to how the author should've rewritten their story to be better, is because I'm not privy to the author's thought process, what their alternate story ideas were, what they talked about with their editor, what they might've been forced to do by deadlines, or even what they might've thought they were writing towards at first but then later changed the trajectory of their story to be about something else.

It's all well and good for me to say something like, idk, "I think Character A should've gotten more narrative focus because their story could have helped fix XYZ Plot Hole," but it could very well be that the author never intended for Character A to be a prominent character (just a secondary or tertiary character). Maybe using Character A to solve one Plot Hole would've gone against the writer's plans because then it would open up a different plot hole for something else they had planned later in the story. If it's an ongoing story, maybe something I see as a "plot hole" is actually a deliberate mystery that the creator left open to write about later-- or maybe the plot hole is because there was a deadline crunch and the author had to drop a certain character/plot point/etc because they couldn't fit it into the story any more. Maybe having Character A be a more prominent part of the story is just based on MY personal tastes and what I would want to write in MY version of the story, but completely clashes with the characters/conflicts the author wanted to focus on.

Because yes, there are some story critiques that are as simple as "part A doesn't make sense, you could just fix it by doing B", but there are also some story critiques where suggesting a viable "solution" would require BEING the author or someone involved in the production of the story to understand what limitations or plans were involved in the selection of that flawed plot point. There are also some story critiques where even if there is a "problem" and my critique offers a "solution," there could be another "solution" or even dozens that do just as good of a job fixing the issue, but involve vastly different characters, plot ideas, so on and so forth.

Being a good critic isn't (just) about going "the story would've been better if X happened" because the story is ultimately in control of the author and their vision, and without knowing what the author's vision was (something that you almost exclusively know if you're 1. the author or 2. their beta reader), it's impossible to definitively say "this plot point should've been cut/[completely different thing] should've happened instead" because THAT is the point at which you're complaining, not critiquing. I would argue that in some cases, trying to "fix" a story yourself actually makes your critique worse, not better, because it ends up being a case of you simply imposing your artistic vision over the author's to say "I think it would've been better this way."

At least if you just say "this part of the story was flawed because XYZ" without saying "it should have been ABC instead", then you're stating your grievances with the story without being presumptuous enough to assume that YOUR version of the story would fit the author's original vision, or the constraints they were working under, or the other versions of the story that they were debating over at the time before ultimately settling on one version (even if flawed).

There's a point at which "this plot is flawed, that should've happened instead" is just fix-it fan fiction and not actual critique that could help the writer write their story in a way that fits their vision.

#squiggposting #discourse #i think the closest you can get to definitively saying 'the author should've done X instead'#would be something like JRO and the handbooks he recently released where he actually revealed alternate plot ideas #or like what the reasoning was behind different plot points. as well as what he did and didn't include and why #because THEN with a more clear understanding of the behind the scenes/what the author wanted to achieve #THEN you would have more information to be able to say 'this alternative storyline would've solved this plot hole'#or to even say 'actually those alternate ideas weren't as good and picking the canon flawed plot made a better story'#like for god's sake ppl apparently don't understand that art and storytelling and creativity are subjective #sometimes if i don't have a solution it's not bc my critique is invalid. it's bc there's multiple ways to fix it #and i'm not the author so idk which way of fixing the story would best suit their intentions/purposes/limitations #despite what snobs seem to think it's very possible for you to say 'this is flawed' and not know what the fix for it is #it's like how you can eat restaurant food and go 'something about this tastes bland'#w/o having to know what ingredients went into the recipe or how it's supposed to taste #and in that case unless you literally know the recipe or are a chef you would come off as a dick #if you tried to dictate to the kitchen what they did wrong and how to fix it #for some reason story critics are terrified of ambiguity and uncertainty and subjectivity and idk why #it is very easy and not intellectually wrong for a person to say 'this is flawed' and not have a solution for how to fix it

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orii-blogs-stuff · 7 months

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“Absolutely not.”

“But Ferdinand~” The new Aub Alexandria said, “Aren’t you curious about what could be inside it?”

It had been just another Fruitday for Rozemayne, waking up next to Ferdinand, sharing a gyu, having breakfast, doing paperwork until tea time and having tea.

However, unlike most Fruitday’s where they would have tea time in the drawing room, Rozemyne decided to exploit the perfect weather and have tea time outside in the gardens (Ferdinand could really use some sunlight, he was starting to look like a [vampire] staying inside for so long!).

Which had lead them to their current predicament as while getting ready to walk towards the garden in her new regency-inspired wrapper dress, a frantic Ordoschnelli from Philine made its way to her.

“Lady Rozemyne, there… There is a strange door in the middle of the garden with a wooden katze carved into it. I am unsure what to make of it.”

Ferdinand, upon hearing this, sent for Justus and Ekhart and had the knights on standby. Currently, they were trying to figure out what to do, Damule had sensed summoning magic had brought the door to the gardens, but who would do that? Why would they bring this random door into the gardens? Was it a trap, sent by a foe?

“Might I suggest I, myself examine the door and where it leads to?” Justus said, “I may be able to deduce how someone could have moved the door inside the castle parameter without alerting Lord Ferdinand’s wards.”

“Be careful…” Rozemyne said, “Who ever managed to get through Ferdinand’s defences… That too with none of us noticing… They must be very powerful and very skilled.” Nothing of such sort was described in the Book of Magic, not in hers nor Ferdinand’s, they were dealing with something new entirely.

“I will, My Lady.” Justus said as he opened the door.

As the door opened, Rozemyne saw the inside was bathed in a soft orange glow and… Sniff sniff… Was that… Sniff sniff… Miso?! Without thinking Rozemyne ran towards the door.

“ROZEMYNE!” “MY LADY!”

“LADY ROZEMYNE!”

Inside looked to be the interior of a typical [Izakaya], how?!

“Hello and welcome~!” A server with dark hair and dark skin said, “Please! Have a seat.”

“Rozemyne!” Ferdinand started to scold her as Eckhart pulled out his sword and pointed it at the severs and the customers, Angelica and the other knights doing the same, “Stand back! These people are dangerous!”

“I’m fine!” Rozemyne argued, but Ferdinand was not having any of it.

“Not until we have done an in-depth background check on everyone here!” Ferdinand said.

Just then, the chef came out from the kitchen, “Hello there.” The man said, “And welcome, I intend no offence Sirs and Ma’ams, but please put away your blades, you are scaring the servers and the customers.”

“Who are you?” Eckhart said, though it sounded more of a statement than a question, not that Rozemyne was paying attention, the only thing she could smell was the heavenly miso! “And what is this place?”

“This is Nekoya.” The chef said, “We’re a humble restaurant serving western food, mostly.”

“A restaurant?” Ferdinand said, his voice was even but Rozemyne knew Ferdinand did not believe a word the man had just said, “Very well then, explain how your… restaurant had an entrance laying in our garden without any of us knowing.”

The chef just shrugged, something considered obscene amongst the nobility, “The details aren’t clear with me either, it just happens really. According to an elderly regular, it distorts space-time and multiple doors appear in many locations, all leading to this very restaurant which is in another world.” Another world? Rozemyne felt hope well inside her, were they in Japan?! “Please, have a seat, order whatever you like.”

Rozemyne pulled on Ferdinands hand, “Come on Ferdinand! You’ll love it! Everyone come as well!” Trust me! Rozemyne tried to say with her eyes.

Rozemyne could see the conflicted look on Ferdinand’s face, on one hand, he did not want to cause a scene, on the other, his survival instincts were telling him to take everyone hostage and look through their memories to see if they truly had no bad intentions, “Very well then.” Ferdinand said, “If Chaocipher hides within Gebordnung however, the consequences will be… Severe…”

“Excellent.” The chef said, “Riya, could you please hand out the menus? Oh and uh.” He looked at them, “Can you read the [Eastern Continent’s] Language?”

Rozemyne shook her head, “I do not know of this Eastern continent you speak about.” Ferdinand simply narrowed his eyes and Justus and the other retainers kept looking at everything, soaking up every piece of information about this place.

“I think they’re from that new place, Sir.” The server named Riya said, “That one where the other patron is from is from… Yurgenschmidt?”

“We are.” Rozemyne nodded, Ferdinand looked like he could pinch her cheeks for telling them such vital information.

“Ah well.” The chef said, “We have menus written in Yurgen as well.”

Riya showed them to their seats, because they were a large party, a few chairs and tables had to be pushed together closer. “Here’s the menu~!” She said, “I’ll come back in a [minute] to get your orders-”

“-Wait!” Rozemyne was acting unladylike, but she had to know, “This restaurant… He said this is a restaurant from another world… Is that world-”

“-Rozemyne-”

Rozemyne ignored Ferdinand, she needed to know, “-Is the original place, Japan by any chance?”

“Yes.” The server said, “How did you know?”

“We would like to have a few moments to discuss what we would like for tea.” Ferdinand said with a noble smile.

The server looked taken aback, “Oh- uh- Ok then, call me when you’re ready~! One more thing. I would recommend the melon soda, it’s a [fan favourite]!” With that, she left.

Ferdinand dropped his act, “What were you thinking?” He said in a low voice, “They could be enemies!”

“They know what Japan is!” Urano’s home country… How she missed it…

“Let us order something.” Justus said, “Keep our intentions under Verbergen’s shroud until Chaocipher comes out to play.”

Rozemyne looked through the menu, it was mostly western food such as spaghetti and pizza, but there were also japanese food such as chicken curry~ But what Rozemyne wanted was one thing and one thing only, “Excuse me?” She asked the server, “Do you have anything with [miso]?”

“All our set meals come with a bowl of miso soup.” The server said, “Are you [vegetarian]?”

Oh, the server must think she was looking for vegetarian options, “No, I just like soybeans.” Rozemyne said.

“Well, in that case we do serve [tofu] and [natto].”

They had tofu and natto?! “I would like natto with rice please!”

“Very well then.” The server started to write it down, “Would anyone else like to order?”

In the end, their table ordered:

1 natto with rice

1 chicken curry set meal

1 beef stew

3 chef specials

2 omurice

It took a while for the food to arrive, until then, they conversed amongst themselves.

“I believe they are telling the truth.” Justus said, “I sense no ill intent from any of them.”

“Keep your wits sharp.” Ferdinand grumbled.

“Ofcourse, My Lord.” Justus said, “I do find it odd however, they said they had another patron from Yurgenscmidht, I wonder who they are…”

When the food arrived, Rozemyne could cry tears of joy, but being a Lady (Aub no less!) She could not show weakness, instead, she slowly started eating, savouring the taste of every bite. Ferdinand, on the other hand, looked confused when the server did not taste test the food, “Don’t worry, everyone.” She said, “This is normal.”

“We must make sure this is not poisoned-”

Rozemyne stopped him right there, “It’s not poisoned.‘ She insisted, “If it was, they wouldn’t have been able to stay in business.”

Ferdinand just stared at her, Rozemyne stared back, “Let’s not make the servers work anymore difficult than it already is.” She said, pointing to the servers who were working in a flurry, between greeting new customers and taking orders and giving food and collecting the money, the three servers barely had time to breathe.

“I shall take the first bite.” Eckhart said as he used his knife and fork to cut into the pizza, he took a bite and slowly chewed at, after a few minutes he finally said, “I do not taste a hint of poison.”

The rest of the table sighed in relief, finally eating the food, their eyes lighting up in wonder, “The food is befitting to be served to the Zent!” Leonore said.

“Indeed~” Angelica said.

“Despite the rustic atmosphere, the food is sublime…” Hartmut said, “But the food Lady Rozemyne had created is better!”

“I agree!” Clarrissa said.

OOO

Riya was unsure what to do with the small gold coin, the food all together was seven large silvers but the newest patrons told her to keep it as a ‘tip’. ‘I’ll just add it to their tab’ Riya thought, Mako paid her more than enough, because he was paying her the salary of a Japanese server in Tokyo and Kolkata was cheaper and she was still living with her parents. She had so much money she didn’t need any extra money, the money she made was enough to buy at least 30 family packets of oreos each day. “Please come again next time!” She said to the group.

“We will!” The (maybe) twenty-year-old with dark blue hair and bright yellow eyes said. “We had a lovely time.”

“Please remember! The door only shows up once every seven days.” Riya said.

“Oh…” The lady looked heart broken for a split second but her demeanour became bright again, “We shall come next Fruitday again then!”

“Rozemyne.” The guy with the light blue hair said as he turned to look at Riya. “ We shall think about gracing this restaurant with our patronage. It seems Dregarnuhr the Goddess of Time has woven today's threads with exceptional speed and grace.” He said as he and the rest of the group left.

… What a weird way of saying goodbye… Riya didn’t have time to think about that as another customer entered, “Hello and welcome~! Oh it’s you, Shuu!” It was Shuu~! “I haven’t seen you in two weeks!”

“My manager kept wanting me to attend the Saturday meetings.” Shuu said with a sad sigh, “I managed to convince him to have those meetings on Friday, however.”

Shuu was a v-tuber, which one Riya didn’t know but she was pretty sure he was Akuma-Akuma (he won’t say however, that goes against his contract so Riya just has fun guessing). He lived near to the location of the actual Nekoya but after finding a door in his local library that lead to Nekoya one day, he also started coming every Saturday (Atleast, the ones he could manage to come). “Will it be the usual?” Riya asked.

Shuu nodded, “And today’s special.”

Riya gave him a thumbs up, “One melon soda float and one today’s special coming right up!”

#my writing #ascendance of a bookworm #a restaurant in another world #Rozemyne and Shuu missing eachother just by a few seconds is peak comedy to me #Shuu's life went down hill for a bit after his best friend died and now he's a v-tuber #should I put this up on my ao3?#Join Us For A Bite au #Here I am starting a new wip instead of working on my fic~#What was not shown: The nobles being scandalised over the short dresses #They were a bit too busy trying to figure out if they should capture everyone at the resturant to read their memories (Ferdinand)#or try to eat in peace and stop the others from capturing everyone in the resturant and reading their memories (Rozemyne)

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