#they were just a fucking stellar live band so...yeah very much enjoying :')

[musicrunsthroughmysoul]

This is just a personal ramble about some of the bands I've gotten kinda deeply into over the past few years.

I feel like my experience of becoming a fan of Big Country is right in-between my experience of becoming a Pearl Jam fan and becoming a Sleater-Kinney fan, which is weird, I know, but I can explain: when I first started listening to Pearl Jam, over the first few months I slowly listened to their first three albums, and then it took me at least a year (actually, I think it was practically exactly two years) after that to listen to anything else by them, but I listened to those first three albums (the songs I liked on them, anyway - which has generally not changed) consistently for that entire time and stubbornly did not feel the need to listen to anything else by them or become a bigger fan; when I started listening to Sleater-Kinney, I think it took me only a couple months or so to exhaust their discography (and then of course I got the chance to see them live just a little over a year later; BUT WITHOUT JANET, WHICH I AM STILL SAD AND SALTY ABOUT even though the show was still great), and since finally giving them a chance in 2018 I've continued to listen to them on a frequent basis (although this year, I think I've only listened to them about 6 times a month, whereas for 2018-2022 I listened to them on a weekly basis...now it's slightly less than that, but when I do go to listen to them again I go 'oh wait fuck, I gotta hear...' hence the less than weekly basis, but still more than only a few times a month); now, as I'm discovering Big Country (discography, history, band members), I think it's been like 7-8 months or so since I listened to their first album, and I've only listened up to their fifth album as of today, but I'm, once again, consistently listening to their first three albums anyway. Like, this is not a speedrun like with S-K, but it's not quite the slow acclimation I took to Pearl Jam with, either...I don't know what it is yet. But I'm still very, very content to just listen to Big Country's first three albums, so maybe I'll hold off on listening to any others for awhile, although I am also (differently from many other bands and artists I get into) really enjoying watching some of their '80s concerts* that are on Youtube, so...yeah, maybe I'll just be content with that for a bit. Or maybe I'll get into them even more soon! I don't know. I'm just posting this here for posterity, because it's interesting to me what happens when I become a fan of someone new to me.

One last add-on...I also just realized that my fandom trajectory might actually be explained by these simple ideas: as far as I've heard so far, in my mind, Pearl Jam and Big Country became 'worse' (less exciting/innovative) as time wore on, so maybe I did and am kind of dragging out my experience of listening to their music because I consciously already know that and want to stave off the disappointment longer, but Sleater-Kinney got progressively better as they released more albums (and No Cities to Love, their "comeback" album after breaking up/being on hiatus, is one of their best in their whole discography) up until The Center Won't Hold (although I love that album), so I had to keep listening to more of their albums to hear the best stuff.

Huh. Haha. What an interesting thing to realize/think about. Thank god almost no one is going to read that because I really don't want anon hate for saying PJ or BC got worse or how I effectively compared them to S-K and that I am overall suggesting that S-K is better than either of them. lol A conversation I'm sure no one is ready to have! So neither am I!

[berrynarrybanana]

pink lemonade

A/n: I...had a cliche moment of I wrote this and it got deleted bc my computer had a hissy fit while I was trying to find a good pic to use. All I want to say is that I spent weeks agonizing over this piece because I wasn’t sure that it was good enough and that it touched on bi!reader as much as it should. I started it out in Harry’s POV and it kind of just took off from there. This is very heavily based off a song from one of my favorite bands. It’s called pink lemonade by the wombats and it really gave me inspiration to write this whole fic and for my reader and flatmate!h. I hope that I did this justice, because as a bi woman, I know how little representation we get in media and in fics. So thank you to the beautiful @bopbopstyles and @harrysclementines for hosting a challenge that made me feel included. I really appreciate and love you both so much! 

warnings: smut, drug use mention, angst, harry’s pov

word count: 4.3k+

Please enjoy and feel free to tell me what you think! 

Friday Night 

Harry remembers the day he met his flatmate. 

She was a little shorter than him, but her personality definitely made her seem much taller. She had her hair up in a messy bun, her Rolling Stones shirt tucked in, and her jeans cuffed at the bottom. She introduced herself to him with a dazzling smile and a witty joke about being a stereotypical bisexual being. It made him laugh, pulling her into a hug (after asking her permission) because they were going to be flatmates and she needed to know he was a hugger. He didn’t want to start off on an awkward note with a person he would be spending so much time with. He suggested they order some pizza and drink wine on the floor of their living room on their first night. 

Their furniture hadn’t been delivered or moved in yet, so they had to settle for putting a few of y/n’s pillows under their bums while they watched comedy specials on Harry’s laptop. A majority of their evening was spent giggling and sharing stories about their previous experiences with old girlfriends. He found it oddly comforting that the beautiful girl was a little bit different, because he had always felt that way in life. With her, he didn’t feel so alone in being different. Perhaps that was one of the things that made him fall in love with her. She was a bright, radiant soul that brought him more joy than anyone else ever had. But she could be a bit thick, sometimes. 

As he watched her prance around their apartment in her tight mini-dress, he tried his best not to let her see his obvious attraction to her. 

The pillow on his lap would seem obvious to just about anyone else, but not to his precious flatmate. She practically floated through life, oblivious to how people looked at her when she moved. She was like a walking porn ad, her beautiful hair and gorgeous smile nearly impossible to ignore. He tried not to focus too hard on what she was wearing, but christ, it was hard not to. Her legs looked a little longer due to the black heeled booties she’d put on and she was most definitely wearing tights with little sparkles in the fabric. 

He hated seeing her dressed up like this, knowing that he wouldn’t be the one sliding his hands up her dress in the backseat of the taxi on the way home. He wouldn’t be the one gripping at her thighs while she straddled him on their shared couch. He wouldn’t be the one making her scream, unable to contain herself as he pulled orgasm after orgasm out of her. He hated that she was wearing the perfect shade of red on her lips, a shade that painted the walls of the prison cell in his own personal hell inside. He wanted to smear it off her lips with his own, kissing her until she was breathless and begging. 

Instead, he flipped through the channels on the telly, pretending to pay attention.

“Are you sure you don’t want to come out, Harry?” She stood in front of him, pouting her lips out as she tilted her head to the side. He shook his head as she crossed her arms, the gesture pushing her breasts up just a little. Fuck me, Harry thought. “You love going out!” 

“I know, love.” He grumbled, glancing behind her as if she was in the way. “But I’m not really in the mood to party tonight and I don’t want to bring the mood down.” 

“Well, I don’t feel right going out without you.” She sighed, dropping her arms to the side, causing Harry to look up at her. “Maybe I should stay home? We can order takeout and-” 

“Absolutely not.” He shook his head. “You have a date. You can’t stand him up!” 

“He’s just some rando from Tinder, I really don’t care about his feelings.,H.” She snorted out a laugh, rolling those perfect eyes as he tried to fight off a smile. “I’d rather be with you if you’re feeling down.”

“Don’t give up the chance for a good time because I’m a grumpy old man.” He shook his head. “I really want you to go out.” 

“Okay, okay.” She let out a heavy exhale, stepping farther away. “How do I look?” 

“Perfect.” He didn’t tear his eyes away from the telly, knowing he would overshare if he actually looked at her right now. 

“You didn’t even look!” She laughed around a playful groan. “Boys.” 

“I’m a man, love!” He called out as she walked into the kitchen for her keys. “If you’re too drunk, call me. Don’t go home with your random tinder date and-” 

“Lock the door when I’m home.” She nodded. “I know the rules, dad.” 

“Please do not ever call me that again.” Harry narrowed his eyes at her. “Go, get out of here and go have some fun. Tell everyone I said hi.” 

“I will!” She smiled. “Bye, roomie!” 

“Bye!” He waved, his heart sinking as the door shut behind her. “Guess I’ll be having a sad wank about that later.” 

Harry grumbled, sinking further into the cushions of their shared couch. 

                                   ******************************************

Saturday Morning 

The guy from Friday seemed to be a keeper. 

He was there the next morning when Harry was making a hangover breakfast in the kitchen for his flatmate. He strutted  in without a shirt or a word, reaching for a coffee cup as if he owned the place. Last time Harry checked, only two people paid rent here. Harry watched from the stove, spatula in hand as he glared at the man’s back. What a sodding prick. With a quick roll of his eyes, Harry pushed around the potatoes he’d chopped up earlier. Of course she brought him home. It had been weeks since she’d had a proper shag and it was bound to happen sooner or later. And even if Harry hated to admit it, the man standing in his kitchen gave it to her proper. Harry closed his eyes, cringing at memory of her moans melded with the banging of her headboard against the wall last night.

He hadn’t heard her moan out like that in a long time. Halfway through orgasm number two out of god knows how many, Harry shoved his headphones in and tried not to cry. He hated that someone else was making her feel so good that she was screaming the bloody walls down. He wanted to sink into her, to have her screaming out his name instead. But that wasn’t going to happen. Not even in his dreams could he have her, always cutting off right around the time his hands landed on her hips. 

“Oh, didn’t see you there, mate.” The guy turned around. “M’Alfie.” 

“Harry.” He grumbled, reaching up to the heat down. “Y/N’s roommate.” 

“She told me about you.” Alfie nodded. “Said you’re a right laugh when you’re drinking.” 

“Did she now?” Harry hummed as if he was actually interested in the conversation. 

“Shame you didn’t come out with us.” Alfie said. “Y/N was a fucking animal. Have you ever had sex with her? I mean she’s amazing when she’s high.” 

Harry wanted to vomit. 

This guy was a total prick.

“Yeah, what a shame.” Harry cleared his throat, glancing over at Alfie. “When Y/N wakes up, let her know that breakfast is here. She’s going to want two pieces of toast with butter.” 

“I will tell her.” Alfie sipped out of the bright pink mug and Harry’s face grew hot. That was his mug, the one that Y/N got him for Christmas last year. The little lamb on the front with a comical smile was mocking him now. “You alright, mate?” 

“Yeah, I’m stellar.” 

Harry stormed out of the kitchen and down the hall. 

He nearly made it to his door when she stumbled out of her bedroom. 

“Morning, Harry.” She yawned before smiling at her roommate. 

He didn’t respond, ducking past her and into his bedroom. 

Maybe he didn’t really know the girl he loved after all. 

                                            *******************************

Another Magical Friday Night 

Alfie, as it turns out, wasn’t a keeper. 

During their second escapade, Alfie shouting to the top of his lungs pulled Harry out of his half-asleep state. His heart sank and his blood ran cold as he sprinted out of his bedroom to Y/N’s. When he got there, Alfie was storming out of her bedroom, half dressed with a red face. Harry stood in Y/N’s doorway, avoiding her gaze as she struggled to put a t-shirt on. After a few moments, Harry couldn’t stand to hear her soft whimpers and loud sniffles. He tore his own shirt off, walking over to where she was sitting on the bed with her legs crossed in front of her. 

“S’alright,” He cooed, sitting down in front of her as he slipped his shirt over her head. “It’s okay, love.” 

“I’m sorry we woke you up.” She leaned forward, pressing her forehead to the column of his throat as she cried. “I know you have an early yoga class tomorrow.” 

“Please don’t apologize.” He said softly, rubbing his hand over her back. “Tell me what he did?” 

“He didn’t do anything.” She shook her head, pulling back as she wiped at her cheeks. “I just...Alfie dabbles a bit in drugs and I tried some with him last week, but I didn’t like it. I told him I didn’t want to do it again and he called me a whore and a tease.” 

Harry’s jaw tensed as he watched his best friend hiccup, swiping under her eyes again. 

“You are not a whore.” Harry reached up, gripping her chin between his thumb and forefinger, demanding her attention. “Don’t ever let anyone make you feel like you need to be ashamed of yourself.” 

“Thank you.” She sniffled. “Sleep with me tonight?” 

“Yeah.” He nodded. “Let’s go to my room instead, okay?” 

He didn’t have the heart to tell her he couldn’t sleep in her bed right now. 

Not after Alfie had been in it. 

“Okay.” She gave him a wavering smile. “Thank you, H.” 

“Anytime.” 

Harry held her that night, his heart pounding against his chest as she cuddled into him. 

As he drifted off, he mumbled out loud, “This must be what heaven feels like.” 

He hoped she didn’t hear him. 

                                            ****************************

Harry decided that if Y/N was going out this Friday, he was too.

He couldn’t stand the thought of her going out without him by her side after last week’s incident with Alfie. There was no Tinder date for her to meet up with, just Harry and a few other friends who wanted to have a good time. They got ready in their shared bathroom together, pre-gaming with whatever they had left as they sang loudly to Harry’s pre-game playlist. When she spritzed her perfume over her neck, Harry’s mouth started to water. 

The warm vanilla and citrus hybrid was damn near a love potion to him. 

“Alright,” She nodded, giving herself a once over in the mirror. “I’m ready.” 

“You look perfect.” He smiled, trailing his eyes up from her vegan, leather combat boots to her black skinny jeans, finally settling on the lacy bodysuit that she had recently purchased. “S’a bit like lingerie, innit it?” 

“Yeah.” She shrugged her shoulders, pursuing her lips as Harry looked at her eyes. “But it’s nice and light and extremely sexy.” 

“One of those nights?” Harry’s brows quirked up and he forced a little smirk to settle on his lips as she nodded. “Good, you deserve a bit of fun.” 

And he actually meant it, this time. 

She did deserve to have a little fun after Alfie

He could suck it up for one night if the girl he loved would be happy at the end of it. 

“I do.” She giggled, reaching down to grab the bottle of tequila set on the bathroom countertop, wiggling it around. “One more shot for good luck?”

“Pour it up.” 

                                         *****************************

Harry bucked his hips up as the girl above him rolled her hips over his denim clad cock. 

This time, he brought someone home. 

Granted, Y/N brought someone home as well, he now had a distraction to keep his mind busy and his cock wet while his flatmate got off. The girl he’d met at the club was so sweet, her hazel eyes enticing him the moment his gaze met hers. Her lips were so soft and they tasted like strawberries. He wondered what Y/N tasted like? They were normally covered in gloss when she went out, shiny and peachy. Did her lips taste like peach? Harry closed his eyes, taking a deep breath as the girl dug her nails into his stomach. 

“Can I take your pants off?” She asked, timid and soft. Nothing like Y/N demanding the naughtiest of things on the other side of the wall. “I’m ready to...I want to ride you.” 

“Okay, yeah.” Harry opened his eyes, sitting up as he wrapped his arms around her. He pressed a few soft kisses over her jaw before catching her mouth in his. “Just a second, love.”

“You’re sweet.” She pressed a kiss to his forehead, swinging her leg over his thighs as he reached for his buttons. 

“Fuck, yes!” 

Harry rolled his eyes, fumbling with the zipper on his trousers as the girl next to him slapped her hand over her mouth, trying not to laugh. 

“She’s loud.” She giggled, reaching down to start working on her heels. 

“I know.” Harry sighed. “I’m really sorry about that. I...I didn’t know she would be bringing someone-” 

“Right there, y/n! Yes baby yes!” 

“Jesus.” He let out a huff, reaching his hand up to tap the wall with his fist. “Oi, other people are trying to have fun here.” 

“Oh my god.” The girl tossed her head back, barking out a laugh. “You don’t have to do that, it’s fine.” 

“Sorry, H.” Y/N called back. “We’ll keep it down.” 

“I just don’t want to ruin the mood for us.” He shuffled out of his jeans and boxers, tossing them to the side before he looked back at her. 

“I’m okay.” She climbed on top of him again, her shoes now tossed aside and her dress hiked up to her hips. “I really, really don’t care about anything else but fucking you right now.” 

“Oh.” Harry’s cheeks were surely tinged pink as she gripped his cock in her hand, stroking up with gentle movements. “Fuck, that’s nice.” 

“Good.” She leaned forward, pressing her free hand to his shoulder. He fell back onto the mattress, dropping his hands to her thighs. “I promise I’m gonna make you cum so hard, you won’t even know there’s anyone else in the world besides me.” 

Harry dropped his head back, digging his nails into her thighs as she lined herself up with his cock. It had been so long since he’d fucked anyone, his emotions for Y/N a huge cock-block that he couldn’t seem to shake. Other girls just didn’t do it for him anymore.  But tonight, the alcohol in his veins and the vision of Y/N nearly fingering some girl in the back of the club reminded him that he was free to fuck whoever he wanted, despite his love for Y/N.

“Y/N!” 

Harry let out a heavy sigh through his nose, the sound of Y/N’s one night stand screaming making the fire in his belly dim just a little. He didn’t even care that his own girl was sinking onto his cock, soaking wet and tight like a vice. He barely even remembered that she was on top of him until she moaned his name out. 

He opened his eyes, watching her face contort as she settled onto his thighs. 

“You’re huge.” She whispered, tilting her head back. “I swear I’ve never had...never had someone so big, fuck.” 

“Yeah?” He licked over his bottom lip, sliding a palm up to her belly. “Feel me there?” 

“Mhm.” She whimpered, gripping onto his wrist. “M’so full.”

“Y/N, please let me cum.” 

Harry let out a frustrated sigh, reaching his hands up to rub over his face. 

“Are they bothering you?” The girl asked softly, lifting off of his cock. “Because it seems like they are.” 

“A little, yeah.” Harry nodded, wincing as his cock slapped against his stomach. “I’m really sorry, it’s not that you aren’t amazing-” 

“I get it, it’s okay.” She fell next to him as his cock started to soften. “I would be kind of wigged out if my roommate was fucking while I was too.” 

“She does this every Friday night.” Harry said. “And...not to continue ruining whatever we had going between us, but I’m kind of in love with her.” 

“Oh.” The girl whispered. “That would really turn me off.” 

“Yeah.” He nodded. “And I was trying to have fun for once, you know? Because she seems to go about life oblivious to my feelings and I’m stuck pining for her while she’s fucking whoever she wants to.” 

“Do you think she knows that you like her?” His date asked. 

“I don’t know, probably not.” He mumbled, turning his head to look at her. “You don’t have to listen to me moan on about it, I���m sorry.” 

“No, it’s okay.” She turned on her side, pressing her palm to his chest. “I have a feeling you haven’t talked to anyone about this and it’s not very healthy to keep things bottled up.”

“You’re right about that.” Harry smiled. “You know, I have a friend who would absolutely adore you.” 

“Is it Y/N?” She giggled. “Because I don’t swing that way.” 

“Oi, you think I’d let you shag the girl I just told you I’m in love with?” He laughed, his brows crinkling together as he reached over to pinch her hip. “It’s not her.” 

“Good.” She laughed with Harry, sliding closer to him. “Would it be weird if I stay?” 

“No,” He shook his head. “It’s the least I can do after wasting your time.” 

“And...what about a cuddle?” She asked. “Because I do enjoy a good cuddle session.” 

“I can deal with that, I think.” He leaned forward, pressing his lips to hers. “Thank you.” 

                                           *****************************

The next morning, Harry was livid. 

He sent his date, Halle was her name, off with a sweet kiss and a coffee to-go. Maybe in another life, she would have been perfect for him. A soft, sweet girl with kind eyes and a willingness to listen to him. Unfortunately for him, he was too far up his obnoxious flatmate’s ass to see anyone else. And even if it made things awkward between them, he had to tell her how he felt. There was no way he could keep going on like this if there was a way to prevent it. 

“Good morning,” She chirped, her hand linked with the girl she brought home last night. “Are we having breakfast?” 

“You can do whatever the fuck you want.” Harry snapped, taking his coffee mug and his breakfast plate from the counter. “I don’t care.” 

Y/N’s jaw dropped and the girl’s eyes grew wide. 

Harry didn’t say another word, walking past the two girls.

He hated being a dick, but lashing out made him feel the tiniest bit better about what happened last night. He pushed his bedroom door open with his hip, settling back into bed as he flicked through his options on Netflix. He wasn’t even thinking of Y/N, his mind struggling to remember whether or not he’d seen the last episode of the Great British Bake-Off. When he realized that he hadn’t, clicking on the title to start the episode, his bedroom door flew open and his roommate stormed in. 

“Fuck you!” She snapped, reaching for his remote, standing in front of his bed with a scowl on her perfect lips. “I don’t know who pissed in your cheerios this morning, but you don’t get to talk to me like that! Especially not in front of guests.” 

“Okay.” Harry shrugged. “Can I have my remote-” 

“No, you can’t!” She shouted, tossing her hands up as she let out a noise crossed between a groan and a growl. “What’s your deal?” 

“I haven’t exactly finished my coffee, love.” Harry was trying not to relish in the sight of his roommate frustrated and adorable. The feeling she was experiencing now was a fraction of what he felt every time he heard her through the wall. “Maybe come back later?” 

“Are you upset because I fucked someone last night and you didn’t?” Her brows shot up. “I know you didn’t cum last night and neither did the girl you brought home. Are you mad because you’re shit in bed?” 

“Maybe we were quiet. You know, decent and considerate of other people,” The smile he gave her was sarcastic. “Or maybe- and this is a good one- maybe, I had a girl sitting on my cock, ready to fuck me so bloody good I would cry, but I couldn’t let her because all I could think about was how much I love you. ” 

“What?” She asked, her mouth falling ajar. 

“Maybe when I was kissing her at the club, I was thinking about kissing you.” He set his coffee mug down on his nightstand, continuing on. “And maybe when I had my fingers in her cunt, I was thinking about you. And maybe, just maybe, every time you fuck someone so loud that it keeps me up at night, I wish it was me instead.” 

She didn’t say anything, watching as Harry moved forward. He snagged the remote from her hand, proud of his little confession. He turned the show back on, ignoring his roommate as she stood there with her eyes wide. He smirked, crossing his legs before he settled his hand on his stomach. 

“You process that and I’m just gonna watch Noel and Paul bicker.” Harry said. 

“You’re an asshole.” She whispered. “You...you can’t just be upset with me because I didn’t know that you liked me.” 

“I’m not upset with you,” He said. “I’m a little upset that I was trying to have a good time for once and you ruined it with you and your girl’s pornstar moaning, but I’m not upset with you. That would be extremely unfair of me.” 

“Why have you never said anything?” She cleared her throat, fidgeting with the hem of her oversized shirt. “We’ve been roommates for years, Harry.” 

“Because I love you as a friend, too.” He started. “I didn’t want to risk it.” 

“And now?” She squeaked out. “You’re willing to risk it now?” 

“Yeah.” He nodded. “I’m tired of wishing that it was me on the other side of this wall, Y/N. So...take some time to think about what I said and let me know if you’d be willing to give it a try. No hard feelings if you don’t want the same thing, I completely understand and I’ll respect your choice either way. We’ll just have to work out some arrangement where you let me know when you have someone-” 

“I want to try.” She said quickly, kneeling on the edge of the bed. “Because I really like you, Harry. Like, the only reason I’ve brought so many people back home with me is because I couldn’t have you. I knew that there was no way in hell you would like a girl like me. I’m obnoxious and boisterous and just...I didn’t think I was your type.” 

“You’re kidding?” His brows shot up. “You thought...oh my god, we’re both bloody idiots.” 

“You’re telling me.” She laughed, falling on her ass in front of him. “This whole time I’ve been fucking people that loudly to make you jealous and the entire time you’ve been listening, imaging it was you?” 

“I guess so.” He let out a breathy laugh, shaking his head. “Well, I guess that leaves us with two options.” 

“And what might those be?” She asked, a soft smile settling on her lips. 

“I take you out for brunch, maybe a nice walk in the park, and then I bring you home and fuck you so hard you won’t even remember the orgasms you had last night.” He lifted one finger up, smiling as he watched her inhale sharply. “Or option two, I fuck you now and we go to brunch later?” 

“Wouldn’t it just be lunch by then?” She tilted her head to the side, playfully narrowing her eyes at him. “I mean...that defeats the purpose, yeah?” 

“Really, that’s-” Harry let out a laugh, shaking his head. “You’re missing the point.” 

“I’m not.” She leaned forward, sliding her hands over his thighs. “I see it clear as day.” 

“And what does your heart tell you to do?” He licked over his bottom lip as she moved closer, her nose nearly bumping against his. 

“To take you up on option two.” She whispered. “Because it’s really not fair that I came five times last night and you didn’t come, not even once.” 

“Fuck.” Harry sputtered out as she brushed her lips over his. “Kiss me?” 

She pressed her lips into his, moving his body back onto his pillows. She moved over him, straddling his thighs as she deepened the kiss. When her tongue slipped over his bottom lip, his mouth fell open in response. His hands fell to her hips, digging into the soft flesh as his mind tried to catch up. The girl of his dreams was sitting on his lap, in his bed, and she wanted him. She wanted him just as bad as he wanted her. He couldn’t believe that this was happening, sure that he was just a fever dream or a nightmare that he would wake up from any second. But he was brought back to reality when her tongue slipped over his. 

And at that moment, Harry knew he was right. 

She did taste like peach. 

[woodrokiro]

Do It For the Band, Part Six (fic)

Fandom: Bleach

Pairing: IchiRuki

Summary: When Tatsuki said she wanted their sophomore album to be the next Rumours, this is NOT what she meant. Band AU. Read Part One, Two, Three, Four, and Five. 

Tatsuki never thought she’d live to see the day that she has to drag herself to jam with her friends.

Sure, she’s been pretty hung over on some of her work days; but she was always, always able to pull herself out of bed, pop a couple of Tylenol and be on her way to make a racket. It made no sense how she could still be giddy to beat some loud drums when she had a throbbing headache - but.

She loved it. She loved her band. 

She still does… But she hates Ichigo right now.

Ichigo, who’s being a real insensitive dick. Ichigo, who went on a date with Orihime, aka her-best-friend-aka-longtime-love-of-her-life-maybe-who-knows-she-never-got-a-chance-to-find-out-cuz-of-her-dickwad-friend. 

Ichigo, who is doing this as some stupid fucking vendetta against Rukia, or to forget her, or whatever the fact is being a dumbass and everyone is having to pay for it.

Needless to say: she’s worked herself up to a pretty furious state by the time she rages to practice.  

She stomps over to Chad’s garage, viciously lifting the the heavy door while simultaneously (unreasonably) half expecting to be faced with the sight of Ichigo and Orihime making out - 

When her eyes adjust to see into the garage, there’s none of that (thank God). They’re not even next to each other. Instead, she’s met with a very different sight.

Ichigo’s stewing in the corner, hands stuffed in his pocket and visibly grinding his teeth. Chad is sitting quietly next to him but definitely trying to blend himself into the shadows more than usual. Orihime is looking down at her hands across the room, silent and stiff.

And Rukia is plugging her phone into their speaker jack rather manically. 

“Ah, good afternoon Tatsuki!” Rukia greets the drummer with a too-large, sparkling smile that she recognizes as Rukia’s favorite mask to put on when she’s pissed. The vocalist has noticeable bags under her eyes from… Lack of sleep? Crying? Who knows. Her heart cracks for her.

The pity doesn’t last long when Rukia continues, sickly-sweet. “Since Ichigo was so kind to tell us we should start working on new stuff - “

“Woah woah woah, I didn’t tell you - ”

“My mistake!” Rukia sends Ichigo a somehow-withering smile that could kill. “You’re so right, we all agreed. In any case, I decided to start sooner rather than later. I recorded a quick version by myself last night at - oh, I don’t know, two A.M. - and sent it to Urahara by five.”

Ichigo’s foot starts tapping as he leans forward, arms crossed. “You sent something to Urahara without showing us first?”

“He said he liked it, but to get it passed through you guys. Of course I agreed, so… Here we are.” Rukia’s not looking at him any further, instead sending a hard glance to Tatsuki. 

The drummer knows it’s not really directed at her - more like a woman’s communication-without-words kind of thing - but she finds herself gulping anyway.

--

Here we are indeed. 

Oh you got stars in your eyes, baby

If you think this will work

I won’t follow your galaxies

Won’t fall for that fucking smirk. 

When will you realize the stars were never yours?

Never at any time, never at any time.

The song has turned to pure obliteration by the end. Rukia’s voice intentionally fades out at the finish, but not without absolute raw emotion, pure fury that leaves goosebumps on Tatsuki’s skin. 

Rukia stands in the middle of the garage, hands on her hips, looking proud and dangerous and fiery as she stares straight back at Ichigo’s stone-faced glare. 

Good for her, Tatsuki thinks before remembering: wait. She shouldn’t be rooting for this. 

This is the beginning of a war. 

As if on cue, Ichigo clears his throat, raising his chin to match Rukia’s arrogance.

“Great work, Kuchiki. Way better than anything you’ve done so far, I’d say.” 

Rukia’s nostrils flare. “Is that a comment on my previous work?”

“Not at all. Just… Inspires me to step up my game. In fact…” Ichigo stands up, dusting off his pants. “Is it cool with you all if I cut out early? Think I have some writing to do too, alone.”

“Absolutely not, Ichigo.” Tatsuki is shaken out of watching the trainwreck that’s her life. “Chad, Orihime and I did not come here for you to cut out without even practicing - “

“No, I think it’s fine, Tatsuki.” Rukia’s eyes glint with a challenge. “We can practice… Without Ichigo.” 

An excruciating silence follows. Tatsuki can practically hear Ichigo’s teeth crack beneath his grinding.

“... I can wait to write.” He roughly grabs his guitar, quickly getting to work on tuning it. “Teamwork is important. We’re nakama, after all.”

Something about the pointed word visibly causes the keyboardist to flush, but she starts to unplug her phone from the speaker jack anyway.

The next hour of practice may just be the most painful hour in Tatsuki’s life.

--

She thought she might have an idea of what happened between Ichigo and Rukia from Rukia’s song Celestial Lies - okay, so Ichigo broke a promise? - but seeing what kind of songs follow after that practice from both of them leaves it all… A little muddled.

The next day, Ichigo sends the group chat audio of a break up song.

Eyes softly gazed 

Heart breaking stare

Who knew you’d crush me 

Lying is your best jewelry you wear. 

Everyone hits a wary thumbs up reaction except Rukia, who hours later only replies: Did Urahara approve of this one?

Yes. Ichigo sends back at a neck-breaking speed… 

Followed by a :).

A few days later, Rukia sends another audio. 

It only took you ten days to realize 

I wasn’t good enough, but no one’s ever good enough

No one’s ever nice enough, 

No one’s ever fucked you enough

Called your bluff enough

Said your name like a God enough.

Now Ichigo’s response is a weird song about a siren with lavender eyes feasting on a golden-haired sailor’s skull, and Tatsuki didn’t know what to think happened but frankly? She doesn’t care. 

She calls Urahara immediately. 

“You know what this is gonna do to us, right?!” She shouts into the phone. “This isn’t doing anything but hurting the band, letting them go at it like this!” 

Urahara - to his credit - listens patiently from the other end as she explodes. He has the decency to voice his sympathies, that it must be really tough working in a group with… So many opinions.

“These aren’t opinions. These. Are. Fatalities.” She grits out. 

“I understand, Tatsuki-san, but…” She can nearly hear their manager shrug. “This is… How good music is made. I hate what it’s doing to your nerves, but you have to understand that this is how I get you guys out there.”

“At the expense of our friendship? What kind of manager are you -”

“A good one.” His voice drops low, suddenly serious in a way she’s never heard before. “What would you have me do, Tatsuki-san? Tell everyone to stop writing mean songs? Have them hug it out? You know that does nothing for any of us.” 

“That’s not what I’m... “

“Tatsuki.” His voice lifts, a bit gentler. “This is what you all wanted, what you’re working hard for. Whether or not they get through this… Nobody can say. But that’s not gonna change whether or not they stop writing these stellar pieces. You know how good they are. So… I hate to tell you, but you’re gonna have to suck it up. Enjoy it while it lasts. It might make your career.”

She hangs up immediately, knowing he won’t be offended.

He knows that she knows he’s right. 

--

Almost like a God-sent gift for Tatsuki’s suffering, Orihime breaks it off with Ichigo after only a few weeks. 

The relationship ends - quite spectacularly - in disaster after a couple of dates… Just as Tatsuki thought it would, but hey. She’s not going to gloat about it, only promises whatever deity is responsible a huge offering the next time she happens upon a shrine. 

She hears all about it from Orihime, of course - she’s way too pissed at Ichigo to speak to him about anything besides business - who tells her they got a couple of drinks, dinner a few times. 

“It’s a very nice time! But he’s not… It’s…” She sighs forlornly and it makes Tatsuki hurt for her. 

“He hasn’t made any moves, huh.”

The stage manager shakes her head, suddenly grabbing her water to keep the tears misting her eyes at bay. 

Tatsuki wants to kill him. 

“He said I looked nice. He opens the doors for me, pulls out my chair, pays for my bill. He and I have… Fun, I think. At least I do - and he’s very kind, such a gentleman -”

“It’s okay, Orihime. You can say it: he fucking sucks.”

Orihime laughs a watery laugh. “No, nothing like that. I just… This Rukia thing. It’s so… Intense, right? In practice? I should’ve known. I feel so stupid.”

“... Orihime.” The drummer puts her hand on her friend’s shoulder. “Nobody could’ve known. Had I known? You’d find me on a cruise ship, drumming for some dumb cover band.” 

“You make jokes like that, Tatsuki, but you’re the band’s lifeline.” Orihime shakes her head, blinking back tears. “I just… Rukia is so… Goodness, she’s lovely. And talented. And so, so kind - “

“Orihime - “

“And I’m not one to be jealous, I know I’ve only known Ichigo for about a month now so I’m really not too upset about that. But I’d - I’d love to be someone’s first choice like that. I’d love to be the person that someone wants to write songs about, that inspires someone so much. Because that anger that’s coming through their songs… That’s them caring, you know? That’s them caring so much that good or bad, they want the whole world to know, and yeah I don’t love the bad so much but I do love love and want to be cared about like that one day but I’m not as smart or talented as Rukia-chan so - “

Tatsuki interrupts her by firmly pressing her lips to Orihime’s, her hands snaking into her gorgeous auburn hair and suddenly: everything is perfect, angels are singing and if she died at this very moment she would be too blissed out to fight it. 

She briefly breaks it off, nudging Orihime’s forehead with her own. “Rukia is also my friend, but don’t get it twisted. They’re both absolute shits.” 

Orihime laughs, smiling softly at the drummer before she goes back in and Tatsuki thinks band drama?

Who gives a fuck. 

--

Her new girlfriend calls her the next day to say she’s told Ichigo, and Tatsuki sighs. She was about to enjoy her morning by smoking a joint, but. Priorities, she guesses. 

She arrives at Ichigo’s apartment door within the hour, banging until he opens it.

“Y’know, how you get beyond the buzzer at the building entrance is beyond me - “

Tatsuki wastes no time. “Orihime told you, yeah?” 

Ichigo rolls his eyes, but a rare, small smile betrays him. “Yeah, she told me. Congratulations.”

“Thanks. You mad?” 

“What? No. Of course I’m not mad.” 

“Cool. ‘Cuz what the ever-loving fuck, Ichigo.” 

“... Not sure what you mean.” Ichigo’s eyes turn to flint as understanding dawns on him, and he’s about to close the door when she stomps on his foot. 

“Tatsuki, what the hell--”

“Don’t ever try to do that to me again. What is this all about?” 

“God, we didn’t have a - Orihime and I are friends! It’s all been worked out! What do you care, you got your girl - ” He shuts his mouth at the giveaway as Tatsuki narrows her eyes. 

“Is that what this is about? You didn’t get your girl so you tried to get mine?”

“No, Tatsuki. I had no idea you liked her, I would’ve never had - and what do you mean ‘my girl’?!”

She ignores the question and chooses instead to ask in reply: “Have you talked to Rukia?”

A beat.

“... We’re not discussing this, Tatsuki.” 

“Like, really talked to her? ‘Cuz I know you, and a whole lot of this bullshit could’ve been avoided had you just - “

“I’m not discussing this with you Tatsuki.” He looks down at his phone, lighting up the screen to look at the time. “Look, there’s a few more hours until practice and I wanted to get in some writing - “

“Of course you do.”

“... Just do me a favor. Please? Don’t - don’t ask me to talk about that stuff. You’re my friend and you scare the shit out of me - but I’m drawing the line there. Unless it has something to do with the band - “

She’s getting pissed all over again. “Ichigo, you know it effects the band - “

“We’re professional.” He snaps, and the quick show of temper stuns Tatsuki. He’s never had the nerve to talk to her like that, ever.

She’d be impressed if it wasn’t for the circumstances.

“... Congrats again on you and Orihime. I’ll see you two at practice tonight.” 

He slams the door.

“... And you can kick my ass for doing that, later!” His muffled shout sounds from the other side of the door. 

Tatsuki leaves in a hell of a less good mood than when she came.

[potahun]

Personal top 5 in Wo Men De Ge  / Our Songs, Season 1

After finishing all 12 eps of the 1st season of  “Wo Men De Ge” / “Our Songs”, I am listing my personal top 5 pairs of “Young Singer x Old but Gold Singer” teams in the show, mostly just to have an excuse to gush and recommend some of my favourite performances from this beautiful, beautiful music show. 

5. Xiao Zhan x Na Ying (and Angela Chang) - Team: Na Zhan Dui

What I really liked about them: The fact that they challenged many styles! Perhaps it’s because Xiao Zhan is currently an actor and not specialised in any music type, but their performances were among the most diverse. They did rock, disco, old Chinese classics...Singing-wise, Xiao Zhan does nice switches to falsetto, Na Ying’s voice is broad and with its own feel, and Angela Chang who replaced NY for a few eps has such a special and beautiful voice ugh. But what I liked most about them is probably Na Ying herself. Her outspoken personality and sense rly got to me and she was my favourite “Model Singer” in Group B. She was also so open to accompanying XZ in trying new styles and to put an emphasis on performance (as in, the visual aspect of it) to help XZ out. I think for someone who’s not currently a singer, he got very lucky she was his partner. 

What I found to be a pity: Xiao Zhan sings pretty nicely, but it’s true that when you have Ayanga and Zhou Shen next door, it’s pretty hard for his voice to stand out. A few times, I found myself feeling like Na Ying or Angela was carrying the song single-handedly and couldn’t rly notice his voice anymore. Angela’s voice especially stands out, so sometimes, it feels like what I remember most from Na Zhan Dui performances is Angela’s great voice and the visual effects. Also, maybe it’s because he has to manage his image a bit more than the other young artists, but Xiao Zhan did come across as quite nervous during the entire show, including during many of the performances. If you only watch him based on this show, he comes across as just a very polite young person (with a pleasant voice). 

Favorite performance(s) from them: 

Gen Zhe Gan Jue Zou / Going with the Feeling (not rly a performance but the song with which NY and XZ got “blindly” paired up, and somehow the song in which he was the most relaxed imo)

Jun Gang Zhi Ye / A Night at the Naval Port (classic lovely song. Imo it was the song in which their voices matched up most seamlessly)

4. Xiao Gui x Luo Qi - Team: Wang Zha 

What I really liked about them: I knew neither of them before the show, but felt like this team truly tried to make a new sound each time and to mix modern elements into old songs (which fits perfectly with the show’s theme). Luo Qi is so open to Xiao Gui’s suggestions and so humble about trying things outside her comfort zone, even though she is the senior. They also had a really nice old sister-little brother relationship, full of mutual respect, and it was kind of refreshing to have the young artist be like ‘it’s ok, it’s ok’ and being the encouraging or optimistic one in the team. Among the younger artists, Xiao Gui is the only rapper, so being on this show could be pretty challenging but Luo Qi being so open to trying new things made it work. She really went outside her comfort zone, and I loved this team for it. They are also both really pleasant - mostly quiet but polite and comfortable. All-round lovely pair. 

What I found to be a pity: In a way, because Luo Qi was so accommodating and humble, sometimes it felt like Xiao Gui might have overpushed her a bit? Perhaps he could have been a tad more considerate, but we don’t see much of their interactions and overall they do seem like they have a good relationship. 

Favorite performance(s) from them: Hui Lai / Come Back (the way the rap got mixed into this song feels so very natural) 

3. Ayanga x Fei Yuqing - Team: (God Xiao Ge team names are hard to remember) Yun Dan Feng Qing 

What I really liked about them: Well of course, the voices and the singing technique. haha I did not know Ayanga before this show, but HOLY SHIT. Not a musical actor for nothing. HE CAN SING. And he can sing so many styles, too. He is GOOD. Watching them, I thought, shit, among all the young artists we saw, only he could have been paired up with a senior like Fei Yuqing (and perhaps Zhou Shen, but we’ll come to him later). Their voices are distinctive, but the style in which they sing have certain similarities, so they match quite well. Basically, this is a team based on talent, skills and experience. They only sing songs that sound like classics but holy fucking shit, I loved the way they sang them. Other than the singing - and this is not a team thing - but I was rly surprised to find out that Fei Yuqing was quite funny. Individually speaking, both he and Ayanga were entertaining while remaining ever so pleasant. They were real pleasures to watch. 

What I found to be a pity: I thought there was a lack of team chemistry, which could be in part due to how they got paired up, but yeah, they just never really felt like a team, more like two very polite and courteous singers who decided to work together for a few performances. Also, I am absolutely not surprised by it, but I guess, since it’s the Fei Yuqing, both young artists were fully accommodating him and not the other way round. It is not a bad thing in FYQ’s case because his singing is beautifully amazing and hey its his last show anyway, but it would have been fun to see more sparks here and there.

Favorite performance(s) from them: 

Juan Zhu Lian / Rolling up the Beaded Curtain (haha are you ready for pure skills to fuck you up? I liked Juan Zhu Lian before, but this version is incredible)

Xin Yuan Yang . Hu Die Meng / New Mandarin Duck. Butterfly Dream (again pure skills but also the harmonising. a+++) 

2. Liu Yuning x Ren Xianqi - Team: Jie Tou Pai Dang

What I really liked about them: This team is one of the teams that felt the most like a team. They have similar past experiences and I liked that they had a chill older brother + reserved younger brother chemistry. I also liked that they both seem to be people who are passionate about different aspects of music (like singing yes, but also music arrangement overall). Ren Xianqi was so open to letting Liu Yuning express what he wanted / add in the elements he wanted to each performance, or have LYN’s band be in charge of re-arranging the songs. Before this show, all I knew from Ren Xianqi was his “Xin Tai Ruan”, but I found him so lovely and nice during the whole show! He only had kind praise for all the other artists, was positive throughout, and well, Group A only had lovely "Model Singers”, but RXQ stood out in this respect. He and Liu Yuning had such a comfortable dynamics and many of the songs they sang happen to be all-time favourites of mine so of course bonus points. Singing-wise, I love Liu Yuning’s voice. It’s not like he can hit super high notes or anything, but this guy rly gets the right feeling out of each song through his voice. All in all, I loved the team.

What I found to be a pity: Literally, the only thing I find to be a limiting factor for this team is Ren Xianqi’s voice aaaaa TT. It felt like he struggled a bit at times, and compared to other senior singers, his voice doesn’t have as much of a distinctive feel, which I thought was a pity... Some of his uh...moves during some of the performances also felt a bit old-fashioned, but I think I can live with that.  

Favorite performance(s) from them: 

Tian Ya  (the song...the arrangement...the spirit...the LYN’s singing...)

Ai Jiang Shan Geng Ai Mei Ren (mainly because this song is one of my all-time favourites and you cant go wrong with it, but this is not my favorite rendition of it either)

1. Zhou Shen x Li Keqin - Team: Qin Shen Shen

What I really liked about them: EVERYTHING FUCK HAHA. ok so. I started this show with pretty even feelings for all the teams, but if one team really grabbed my heart from ep. 1 onwards and threw it into the fire pit, it’s these two. GOD Can I even talk about them neutrally?? Chemistry-wise...where did they even get all this chemistry? No one knows. On stage, I don’t know if I’ve heard two voices that match as well as theirs when they harmonise before, but if I did, I don’t remember. Zhou Shen’s voice is high and floating like some kind of ethereal mermaid’s, while Li Keqin’s voice is so stable, so warm it’s the perfect match. But the chemistry off-stage?? It’s even more incredible??? If Liu Yuning and Ren Xianqi are like a pair of older and younger brothers, what are Zhou Shen and Li Keqin? No one knows, and certainly not them. All the terms have been thrown in: match made in heaven, perfect match, a couple that separated and had a child (thanks LKQ) but also father and son, ‘someone who likes music’ (what?)....but basically, everyone on the show agrees that their chemistry is uncanny and it’s not stopping them from continuing with whatever they’re doing. This team basically has it all and they know it: Singing skills and technique? they both have it. Passion for singing? They both have it. Perfect chemistry? They have it. Stellar and complementary sense of comedy and humour? They have it. Theatrical smoke as their only visual effect on stage? They have it (jk). Every episode that they’re on, I am laughing and smiling from ears to ears and thanking the heavens that they got paired up. Why are they like this.

What I found to be a pity: The fact that I can’t buy an album from them as a duo? hahaha OK, perhaps just the fact that they stuck mostly with ballads (except for Ye Lang Disco) and so I would have loved to see more sparks from them. But this complaint is also very empty because it’s not like I didn’t thoroughly enjoy every single ballad they sang...haha haha....Ah, one thing I found to be a veeerrrry slight pity is that, as ZS himself says, he’s quite insecure. In contrast, LKQ is quite optimistic, so it makes for a lot of comedic clashes in this respect (annnnd it becomes a thing I like about them again). OK ok one thing is perhaps that ZS’s jokes can be a little bit borderline, but honestly, they receive each others’ jokes so well it becomes part of their charm and chemistry.........I guess I’m biased....ok....I'll shut up

Favorite performance(s) from them:

Tian Xia You Qing Ren / All the Lovers in the World (oh my God oh my God oh my God thank you Zhou Shen for choosing this song)

Ye Lang Disco / Wild Wolf Disco (?) (BECAUSE THIS IS Qin Shen Shen AT THEIR FINEST: ABSOLUTE DORKS WHO SLAY AT PERFORMING. Na Ying mentioned this as the inspiration for her and Xiao Zhan’s disco challenge, and that’s for a GOOD reason.)

Honestly I thought Zhou Hua Jian should be there somewhere, because I am a HUGE fan of Zhou Hua Jian songs, but I did feel like his performances were a bit...slapdash in this show haha. And Yi Qiao seems very nice but most of the time, I didn’t feel her presence as much, and it felt like I was enjoying the performance because no matter what, ZHJ’s voice  is fucking good. I also found it to be a pity that he had to constantly remind the audience about points and voting - in the beginning it was funny, but by the end it felt a little repetitive - and that some of his comments could be a little bit borderline and clumsy. So not in the top 5, but his team’s performance of “Qi Shi Bu Xiang Zou / In truth, I don’t want to leave” did make me cry. A lot.  

Anyways, overall, I rate this show 10 / 10 and would encourage anyone who likes music to watch it! I know many people who watched the show are international Xiao Zhan fans, well, if so, you’ll see a lot of him at least! (and your attention might get snatched by some others if you’re not careful)

[myevilmouse]

In Defense of The Rise of Skywalker

Or...how I learned to stop hating and enjoy a movie

Spoilers and random thoughts below the cut.

I hate the abomination that was/is The Last Jedi.  Let’s get that out of the way.  I’ve already explained the hundreds of reasons why, the biggest and most unforgivable being the character assassination of Luke “I call him Jake” Skywalker and the invalidation of every victory of the OT.  I resent this making people lump me into a “gatekeeper” sect, or accuse me of racism (Rose was annoying and ruined Finn’s heroism, jeopardizing hundreds of lives for her own selfish reasons without building up a convincing romance and blah blah etc).  It has nothing to do with her gender, race, or anything.  It has to do with poor character development and inconsistent motivations/messages. 

I’m also not a huge fan of The Force Awakens, mainly for its lack of originality and the treatment of Han/Leia, but otherwise I thought it was OK.  I liked Finn, wanted him to become a Jedi, found Poe to be a worthy heir to our antihero mold.  Rey left me indifferent and Kylo Ren was a temper-tantrum throwing teenager, but anyway...

Let’s keep that as background/context and not get bogged down.

Since they announced the title of this movie, I have been livid with rage. How dare they use my man’s name to sell their disgusting imitation of a beloved universe?  I was certain, ever since it was announced, that Rey would take Luke’s surname, despite having treated him so horribly in TLJ, despite having done nothing to earn it, despite having spent far more time with Leia, so if anything a Solo/Organa family name would make more sense.  It was just to sell tickets and I was furious.

I read all the spoilers.  Worst fears:  confirmed.  I looked at leaked photos.  I raged over the inanity of the plot and the sad conclusion to the Skywalker Saga, which in my mind will always end with ROTJ.

Still, I love Mark Hamill, and I decided to treat this film as a MH film. The completist in me required theatrical viewing.  Rare to get our man in a cinematic release.  So I went, ready to hate watch, prepared to dull the bitterness and betrayal with wine.

But….JJ Abrams directed a fix it fic.  And it’s good.  This film not just address the real injustices and horrible story decisions of TLJ, but also addresses some of the major problems of TFA too. 

I tried to go in with an open mind, but obviously I had many preconceived notions, and already knew almost every single story point and character beat.  I was ready to roll around in my hate and slam the abomination.  I want to emphasize that I am one of those people that was COMPLETELY prepared to hate EVERYTHING about this.

There are flaws. 

But there is so much that is great. 

I really really liked it. 

No one is more shocked than I at my own reaction.  I was ready/willing/wanting/primed to hate everything about this.  Please keep that in mind.  Hahah and no one is paying me to write this post 😉

I decided to write this because I also read all the negative critical reviews online from the pro critics yelling FAN SERVICE.  And I’m like…damn straight?  Ever since George Lucas made Han shoot second, fandom has understood that we understand this franchise better than film executives.  We aren’t concerned with adding an extra dewback or improving special effects.  We love these films the way we first experienced them, and they cannot and should not be “improved” to the ultimate detriment of the brand.

I’m here to tell you that the critics are not being fair.  The spoilers on reddit were true, but the movie works. Let’s accept, before we go further, that Abrams couldn’t entirely rewrite the mess that he stepped into/helped create. So I can’t defend the fact that Finn isn’t a Jedi yet or the mess that is the new Rebellion/failure of the old. I, like many fans, wish we had been given a different/better story from the beginning.  Sadly, we were not.

That is something we don’t have to accept (I certainly don’t consider these films “canon” in my mind—Mara Jade forever!) but let’s approach this film in the spirit it seems to be intended:  An attempt to address the very valid criticisms loudly voiced about the others in the trilogy, with the caveat that we are stuck with TFA and TLJ no matter how much we hate them.

First, the music is amazing, as we all knew it would be.  The acting is stellar.

Some of the things Abrams “fixed:”

“Rey is perfect/Mary Sue/good at everything”.  There is a conscious effort in this film to show her training, with Leia as her Master.  There is a good scene foreshadowing her final struggle, where she strains to hear the voices of Jedi past and fails.  There are several signs that she is not a Jedi yet, including how Palpatine talks about her, and perhaps my favorite, when she tells Leia she hasn’t earned Luke’s lightsaber.

Me: Damn straight you haven’t.

And Leia AGREES, keeping Luke’s weapon because Rey isn’t ready for it. She’s still learning.

Further proof of her non-Jedi status, when Rey is killed, she doesn’t join the Force.  She is a corpse.  On the other hand, Ben Solo, once redeemed, disappears as we would expect a good Jedi to do.  A clear distinction between the two of them.

And speaking of Leia:

Leia’s character:  TFA and TLJ Leia is weak and sends other people to fight, whereas our brave Princess from the OT is volunteering for suicide missions, grabbing weapons from the hands of her rescuers, and running into danger for a good cause.  It always bothered me that she didn’t go after Kylo herself (or with Han).  In this, we see her as a Jedi Master, training Rey, with her own lightsaber.  Leia is once more a badass, true to her character.  A legitimate Jedi who also joins the Force (although not sure why it took her so long post-mortem, that was weird).

Luke’s character:  Hello, I am A LUKE FANATIC.  The biggest sin of TFA and especially TLJ was this idea of Luke hiding out and becoming the disgusting, pessimistic coward he was shown to be.  Abrams ignores this pretty much entirely, starting with the revelation that Luke was actually going on missions with Lando to hunt for a Sith artifact to help the Rebellion.  Luke kept notes, he was busy and ACTIVE.  He wasn’t giving up; he was leaving a trail to help anyone who followed.  The best ‘fuck you’ in the whole movie was Luke catching Anakin’s lightsaber when Rey throws it away.  The ultimate rejection of his TLJ characterization.  

Luke’s conversation with Rey echoes very much the ROTJ “you must confront Vader” conversation.  There are many echoes of ROTJ but given the restrictions on what we are working with, I accepted this parallel.  Much like Luke had to face his unfortunate inheritance, so must Rey.  It’s not terribly original, but these films aren’t.

I also loved the simple line “I was wrong” when Rey asks why he did what he did in TLJ.  This to me is simply “Rian Johnson was wrong/The Last Jedi was wrong.”  There is no excuse that is acceptable, but this is a filmmaker acknowledging an injustice, and I appreciated it.  (Did I mention these films are not canon for me? They aren’t, just giving credit for this attempt.)

Han’s character:  I hated SO MUCH how they turned Han into a failure in TFA.  A buffoon, not even a good smuggler anymore, a failure as a father, a husband.  When I heard he was going to be in this I was like HUH?  But this “memory” of his father that Kylo Ren sees after Rey heals him and departs, after he’s lost his mother, is another attempt to redeem the injustice to Han’s character.  Han is the one in the movie who brings Kylo Ren back to the Light, not Rey.  It is a very short scene, but effective.  The acting is poignant, with the “Dad” working for me.  Maybe I’m a softie.  But I appreciated this brief proof that Han Solo, in the end, didn’t suck as a father, and ultimately, even as a hallucination, inspired the love that saved his son.

Chewbacca got a medal:  I said Abrams was fixing things in the sequels, but I admit I was choked up to see this fixit from A New Hope.  Finally Chewie gets the medal he is LONG overdue.

Team dynamic with the new characters:  Finally we understand why these people care about each other.  They go on shared adventures, they have banter (and some good jokes, not the stupid bathos of TLJ), and there is finally some sense of camaraderie that was discarded in TLJ.  There are several references to Rey’s “new family,” clearly referring to this band of Rebels, and it was far more compelling than in earlier films.

Finn’s Force Sensitivity:  I, like many, desperately wanted Finn to be a Jedi.  Since TFA, it seemed inevitable!  I loved how he used the lightsaber, how he seemed to have Force abilities (that were never really explored).  TLJ ignored that potential completely, sidelining him on that stupid Canto Bight quest and pulling him away from Rey.  There are so many signs that he is destined to be a Jedi in this film, I was thrilled to see them.  Knowing things without explanation, doing amazing things, sensing things, trusting his feelings, it’s another ‘fuck you’ in my opinion, to RJ for ignoring this former stormtrooper’s destiny in favor of overblown set pieces and pointless CGI theatrics.  When he says, towards the end “I can feel it,” I wanted to fist pump.  YOU GO BE A JEDI FINN!  THE FORCE IS WITH YOU.  Personally, I would have loved for Finn to be the main protagonist of all three films, but I appreciate us getting what we got, since we can’t get what we want.

Stuff that worked:

The Wedge cameo:  Yeah.

Lando:  Wonderful. His dialogue, especially at the beginning, does a lot to fix our view of Luke.

Kylo’s redemption:  See above re: Han.  I’ve seen a lot of criticism about the kiss.  I get the whole “female character’s purpose is to validate the evolution of the male” criticism, but I want to point out a couple things about this. First of all, it’s not a “Reylo” kiss. Kylo is gone.  This is well after Kylo is redeemed.  He’s been of the Light for a while before this, it’s clearly Ben at this point.  It’s also obvious Rey knows that, and like Luke forgave Vader for his abuse, she forgives Ben Solo for his.  So I understand also the criticism that is making people puke about Rey kissing her abuser, but again, Luke sheds tears for the father he loves, who maimed and traumatized him.  Star Wars is about redemption and forgiveness that accompanies it, and I don’t have the same issue with this.  If she kissed KYLO without him being redeemed before he died, for example, I would be disgusted.  This is not that.

The cinematography/pacing/story:  So many critics and the spoilers made it sound like this was a convoluted mess.  I went to see it with a non-native English speaker and neither of us had any trouble following the plot.  Yeah, a lot happens, but it all is linear and consistent within the film.

The humor/dialogue:  Felt way more Star Wars-y and better placed than the last two films.

The Jedi Helping Rey:  As much as I thought I would hate this, it was really well done, largely, I think, due to the foreshadowing during her earlier training.  When Palpatine says all the Sith live in him and we know what she’s gonna say but it still works SO WELL.  I was rooting for her and I’ve never been a huge fan.  But at that climactic moment, I was a believer.

Major flaws

Of course there are some.  For me the most major:

A Jedi Strikes Not In Anger: In every single lightsaber battle (pretty sure, I only saw the film once), Rey is the first to strike.  She always seems to be fighting from anger and with negative emotion.  This is not at all Jedi-esque and I found it particularly jarring in her duels with Kylo Ren.  This bothered me more than almost anything else in the film because it is never addressed.  She fights ANGRY and she fights FEARFUL and then somehow when she’s supposed to strike down Palpatine, she has it in her to resist.  This, above all else, makes me not like her as the “heir to the Jedi”.  I thought it was a real problem, and makes her ultimate evolution at the finale less convincing.

Rey Skywalker:  I get why they did it, but I stand by my earlier thoughts regarding taking the Solo or Organa name.  I have nothing against adopted families.  And I found it SLIGHTLY more palpable because since the Emperor refers to Ben as “the last Skywalker” and then since he transfers his entire life force into her, you can argue that she has “Skywalker” literally in her spirit now.  OK fine.  But I still don’t really think she earned it.  She came CLOSER than I thought she would and I didn’t ultimately want to burn down the cinema as I expected I would want to.

Force Resurrection:  No. Just no.  This changes so much and makes so much of the earlier films moot. Why wouldn’t Anakin just resurrect Padme?  Don’t get me started.

Other random new Force things:  Like Force Ghosts touching shit.  Yeah I know Obi Wan sat on the tree in Dagobah, I know, but we keep learning new and more powerful Force shit each film.  Teleportation of objects (that lightsaber?!), astral projection, rapid healing, and now playing catch with your ghost friends.  I get they are important to the story but it feels lazy.  But my exception here was Luke catching the saber because FUCK YOU RJ. 😊

Redemption=Death:  I wanted Kylo Ren to die for his sins too, but I recognize this strange thing we have going on in the GFFA that if a baddie goes good they die.  It’s the equivalent of the horror movie “fuck and the killer gets you” trope.  I didn’t necessarily mind Ben dying, but it seemed … lazy.

The final shot:  It was a mistake to even touch this iconic moment.  It wasn’t earned.  Make your own legend/iconic moment and leave my farmboy his.

Something no one can fix:  The sucky destinies of Luke Jake, Han, and Leia.  They didn’t live happy lives, they didn’t see the end of tyranny, they all died with only the hope of success.  I will never forgive the attempted destruction of the legacy of the OT (attempted cause it’s still how it all ends in my world), this disregard of the triumph of the Rebellion over the Empire, and I will never believe that the New Republic failed so completely and miserably.  Bring on the EU/Legends and forget this shit.

Final thought:  I went to this expecting the cinematic equivalent of a back alley abortion and instead I got what felt like an apology.  An entertaining and polished and sincere apology.  We deserved better, and I think the people who made this film realized that and did their best.  TROS had to wrap up something that was divisive and imperfect and misguided, and tried as hard as it could, in my opinion, given what they were working with.

It was a good movie.  Ambitious, with flaws, but I am glad I saw it, and I hope you will be too. <3  May the Force be with you.

[cosmos-five]

ᴛʜᴇ ʏᴇʟʟᴏᴡ ʙᴏʏ » ᴄʜᴇɴʟᴇ 1/3

─ ʜɪɢʜ sᴄʜᴏᴏʟ x ɢʜᴏsᴛ ᴀᴜ

↠ ᴛʜᴇʀᴇ ᴡᴀs ᴀʟᴡᴀʏs ᴛʜᴇ sʟɪᴍ ʜᴏᴏᴅᴇᴅ ғɪɢᴜʀᴇ ʀᴜɴɴɪɴɢ ᴅᴏᴡɴ ᴛʜᴇ ʜᴀʟʟᴡᴀʏ ᴘᴀsᴛ ᴛʜᴇ ᴍᴜsɪᴄ ʀᴏᴏᴍ ᴡɪᴛʜɪɴ ᴛʜᴇ ᴀᴄᴀᴅᴇᴍʏ ʙᴜᴛ ғᴏʀ ᴇᴠᴇʀʏᴏɴᴇ ᴇʟsᴇ﹐ ɪᴛ ᴡᴀs ᴏɴʟʏ ᴛʜᴇ ғɪɢᴍᴇɴᴛ ᴏғ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴏᴡɴ ɪᴍᴀɢɪɴᴀᴛɪᴏɴ.

↠ ᴄʜᴇɴʟᴇ x ᴛʜᴇ ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ﹐ ᴄʜᴀʀᴀᴄᴛᴇʀ ᴅᴇᴠᴇʟᴏᴘᴍᴇɴᴛ/sʟɪᴄᴇᴏғʟɪғᴇ

btw ;; the reader will be introduced in part two of this little series thing  (ʃƪ'⌣’)

also credit to nakamotens for the cute ass gifset of nct dream omg

HELLO i’m here (sadly) with a headcannon kind of thing for this idea

it could honestly be a fanfic on it’s own but you’ll see more of chenle’s presence in the other nct dream stories i’m planning

moving along

chenle was such a happy person during his lifetime. a very lovable kid in his academy, his family, his close friends and outside of school

he made everyone smile no matter what the situation was and his hyper energy rubbed off on everyone else majority of the time

“sunshine” to “loud kid” went around the academy

he had a good amount of friends but of course! nothing replaced the dream for kids crew

dream for kids crew was for the boys in the academy who came here on scholarship or had a difficult home life

everyone in it valued the after school activities, random field trips to theaters or any other event someone mentioned and then the friendships everyone made with each other

the dream kids typically got their scholarship based on what they were strong in (e.g music theory, any instrument, sports, science, the art department, math, languages)

the academy particularly loves these boys (and girls because they have their own crew/program!) since they ended up usually being the success stories

chenle was determined to be one of those kids, the kids who had their photo taken for the wall with a ribbon on the side of it LOL

see chenle use to play the piano

he was really fucking good at it and he spent hours upon hours crafting the quality of the sounds that came out

his home life was a struggle but it was filled with warmth and love

chenle came from a pretty poor family consisting of his single father, his grandmother and younger sister who was only in pre school when he passed away

his mother had walked out on the family for another man so chenle didn’t really see her much except for holidays and sometimes birthdays if she wasn’t angry at his father

he didn’t really care if she did visit

his grandmother’s homestyle cooking, his father’s hearty laugh and his little sister whining to be held by him was all he needed

chenle discovered the piano when he entered into the academy

at first, he didn’t know exactly what he wanted to do since he was only six years old but as time went on… he was confused

he didn’t know what to do

he tried out astronomy with renjun but he wasn’t as stellar at it like his best friend

jaemin suggested joining the book club he’s in but after reading one chapter of a thick novel, he gave up

mark convinced him to do soccer but met with the words of “no thank you” because chenle knew those jerseys were itchy

jisung said to join the art community with jeno or come with him to an ap algebra class but chenle didn’t agree with any of those

haechan reminded him to be gentle with himself and wait it out

of course chenle got frustrated and vowed to be undecided for the rest of his life

until he heard the piano piece clair de lune and he knew he wanted to learn that instrument

so! he begged his father for a keyboard on his thirteenth birthday and wow! his father managed to buy it for him

he still owns the keyboard and yeah, it’s in bad shape but mark put all these stickers he got from the local dollar store plus jisung scribbled “butter fingers” on it so he’ll keep it even if it breaks

cliche but he loves playing für elise and that’s one of his go to audition songs

funny story : since it is mentioned that he auditions with that song, the teachers there always say “chenle, can you please pick another piece? we heard this last week lol” and he’s like “uh?? but you know you like hearing it so no!” they gave him this look so he starts playing a jazz piece bye

chenle’s pretty much self taught because taking lessons couldn’t happen for him

so he watched youtube videos and before you know it, he wasn’t tone deaf!

he learned any song ranging from twinkle twinkle little star for his little sister to stevie wonder’s isn’t she lovely

he finally knew where he belonged in the academy and what he wanted to be

he wanted to be a conductor one day

no one questioned him or made him feel crummy for it not being a typical dream job

but he didn’t care either way since it was his soon to be life, not theirs

the dream kids support him so much!!

jeno even lets him conduct his flute practices from time to time

chenle during the practice : ( ՞ਊ ՞)

jeno during the practice : (`_っ´) “chenle keep moving your freaking arms im off beat”

renjun wouldn’t let him conduct his percussion practices though lmfao

jeno and renjun would be like “band geeks united!” and chenle would have stood there pouting and mocking their handshake since piano wasn’t really in band or orchestra

it soon becomes “musical geniuses united!”

playing the piano made him feel safe

it was a whole new world for him besides his own earbuds and the dream kids

SPEAKING OF THE DREAM KIDS lets get mushy before the angst

chenle loved all of them

definitely jisung but he loved the slightly older kids like mark and renjun

jeno was his main dude though for arcade games if they had either enough spare change or they somehow smoothly talked the owner to let them in. sometimes the latter worked.

jaemin helped him tackle vocabulary terms in their english courses and taught him how to properly learn the difference between effect and affect

he still didn’t know

haechan helped him with science homework and actually helped him pass with a c-

jisung!! oh jisung!! was his childhood friend, basically since toddler days since their families mingled during community church meetings and such

jisung always told chenle that they are brothers and that no matter what happens, they wouldn’t live life to the fullest without each other

this is random but i forgot to mention that they live in really small town as well so everyone knew everyone. tight community i suppose

back to the mushiness

everyone in the group cherished and let me tell you, PROTECTED HIM WITH THEIR LIVES! jisung and chenle was everyone’s little brothers

chenle enjoyed teasing them and laughing with them with his iconic laugh (wow i really just heard his laugh in my own head bye) probably screaming too when mark didn’t get him ice cream

everything was to be kept light hearted and fun since things at home were pretty shitty for everyone

now for the angst

well sad angst

it was around the autumn seasons and it happened to be close to thanksgiving so school was out and families planned their own dinner parties

jaemin had invited all the boys to his house for the different tastings of breads and cheese his parents were serving

chenle ate a lot as per usual but everyone kind of already figured that would happen

jisung and chenle walked home together that evening whilst chewing on the sugar cookies jaemin’s mother left them

the little conversations they have are silly but calming 

jisung and chenle pretty much talked about anything and loved adventures in general, even if it’s just these two they always manage to have fun

“when thanksgiving day is over, do you wanna go to the aquarium?”

“hm, sure, chenle. i’m gonna pay though. my dad gave me apology money.”

another random thing i forgot to mention but jisung and chenle have twinning skateboards i’m kinda crying about it

anyways

chenle’s aunt had decided to come down because she missed her brother and simply to eat her mother’s good cooking

chenle and his aunt were close you know, super close and whenever she came down to visit, they would go rollerskating

so she took him rollerskating and out for pizza before hopping back in the car to go home

on the way back, they did their own version of karaoke and it ended up being a huge laugh fest between the two

his aunt wanted to save this moment with him so she pulled out her phone

“we need pictures”

“yeah we definitely need pictures”

it was at a stop light

it wasn’t time for it change yet on either sides but the streets were empty and a car had decided to come through

during the pictures, in the camera finder, chenle could see the car swerving and coming straight for them

but before he say anything, all he saw was black and the white noise of ringing in his ears

his family had soon seen the manila folder with the words “hit & run, two dead, five minutes before death took place” labeled across it

chenle was identified by wearing a yellow hooded jacket and the receipt ticket from the skating rink lying next to his aunt with a small smile on his face

[wearecounterfeit]

Noisiv caught up with Counterfeit. at Hurricane Festival.

Jamie: Hello I'm Jamie. Tristan: Hey I'm Tristan. Roland: Hi I'm Roland. Sam: Er, I'm Sam. Jimmy: I'm Jimmy. Jamie: We're Counterfeit. And you're watching us on noisiv.

Favourite song to play live, from "Together We Are Stronger?" Jamie: As Yet Untitled. Roland: You Can't Rely. Tristan: You Can't Rely. Sam: You Can't Rely. Jamie: The whole set. Jimmy: You forgot about Hold Fire. Jamie: Hold Fire? Hold Fire. Sam, Roland & Tristan: It's not on the album.

Best live act? Sam: Saw Alice Cooper. Had four outfit changes, thought that was pretty mental. Jamie: Michael Jackson. Tristan: Ooooh. Michael Jackson yeah, saw him with you. He was pretty good. Erm, I'd probably say Slipknot at Download.

Festival vs solo gig: 

Jamie: They're both different. Festivals are wicked. Er, solo gigs are also dope as well. Festivals you get to see a lot of your favourite bands play as well.

Tristan: Yeah it's kind of like a free ticket to festivals. Jamie: It is. We're just stoked to watch our favourite bands.

Arsenal vs Chelsea: 

Sam: Arsenal. Roland: Chelsea. Tristan: Arsenal. Jimmy: Chelsea. Jamie: Portsmouth!

Karaoke Favourite: 

Jimmy: Shaggy - It Wasn't Me. Sam: Avril Lavigne - Sk8er boi Jamie: Bon Jovi - It's My Life

Pizza vs Burger: 

Jamie: Pizza. Jimmy: Both. Sam: Pizza burgers yeah.

Ever fucked up on stage? Roland: Every show. Jamie: Always. Sam: I'll pass to the mic to Roland. Roland: Every show yeah. Tristan: Roland's fucked up my show. Roland: It's just constantly carnage around me. Sam: Roland fell off the stage in soundcheck once. Roland: Before we'd even played. Yeah I have a habit of unplugging everyone around me, including myself. Jamie: You'll see Roland playing from the side of stage from now on. Roland: Very confined to a little space. Jamie: In a box, in a pen.

Greatest band ever? Jamie: Oh we were talking about this yesterday. It's a tough one y'know for greatest band ever. We're listening to The Beatles, we're listening to the Remixed Sargent Peppers that's just come out. Y'know, what a stellar band but also I love The Doors, for me.

Last thing looked up on wikipedia? Jamie: Tristan Marmont, I've been changing his wikipedia page for like years now. Sam: Trying to figure out who he is. Jamie: Yeah.

Favourite 80s song? Jimmy: Hot For Teacher by Van Halen. Jamie: Is that 80's? Jimmy: I think it is. Jamie: Is that early 80's? Jimmy: I think it is. Jamie: There you go. Hot For Teacher. Sam: Cheryl Lynn - Got To Be Real. But I'm not sure if it was 80's, I'm trying to think, it might have been a bit earlier, might have been a bit later. Roland: I wasn't alive in the 80's. Sam: Yep. Tristan: Shame.

Favourite gig? Jamie: It's tough. Roland: There's so many. Tristan: Aerodrome for me. Sam: We played yesterday and people decided to, it was pretty sick, everyone just decided to sit down and start rowing in the middle of our songs. In the middle of a circle pit. Like it started off with 2 guys, they all just sat down and did that. Started off with a couple of guys but by the end of the song there was like - Roland: 10 rows. Sam: 10 people wide - Roland: 20 people. Sam: And then going all the way back. It was mad. It cracked me up. Jamie: Yeah, Southside was great. Roland: Aerodrome. Jamie: Aerodrome in Prague was amazing. We played with Linkin Park and Enter Shikari and stuff, like that was fucking dope. That was dope. Roland: Our hometown shows. Jamie: Yeah SlamDunk as well. Roland: Home town shows, slamdunk, electric ballroom. Jamie: Ballroom was good, Underworld back home. Roland: Cologne. Last show of tour. Jimmy: Yeah that was a really good one at the first Cologne show, what was that called? Roland: Luxor. Jimmy: Luxor. I love it there yeah.

Fidget Spinners: 

Jamie: I don't. Jimmy: I've never had a go at one. Sam: I had a go on a really like low end one and it was kinda depressing. I didn't get the full experience. I didn't really fully understand it at the time. Maybe I'll learn. I don't know but. I'm open. I'm open to it. I don't fully understand it. Roland: There's a lot to learn. Jamie: It just seems like a bunch of fucking abec nines all like rammed into something that's like a wheel. Sam: It's a big wheel. Jamie: Yeah why don't you just buy a skate wheel. I don't understand why you don't just buy a skateboarding wheel and like rep some skate brands.

Favourite joke? Jamie: Jimmy, don't look at me. We can't. Sam: What did Captain Hook say before he got on the ship? ....Arghh let's get on the ship.

Favourite album? Jamie: As an album I have to go back to Sargent Peppers again because as an album that is like beginning to end it takes you on such a fucking ride. Like, it's such a journey. Y'know we were talking about it again, obviously everyone has got their favourite tracks from that album. Mine's probably "A Day In The Life" which is just like, that's a real story song. But that album back to front is mindblowing. Jimmy: "The Dark Side Of The Moon" (Pink Floyd) is a good one. Jamie: Oh yeah. Sam: Slipknot, "Iowa". Jamie: I picked up a vinyl, the first vinyl I bought was vinyl by a band called Chicago Transit Authority. And it's I think, they later became Chicago, and it was way more like progressive and kind of like Jimmy Hendrix esque in its delivery. So that album obviously like has a very like special place in my heart.

Favourite venue? Jamie: Oh, Wiesbaden, Schlachthof. Roland: Schlachthof. Sam: Schlachthof, Wiesbaden. Tristan: Oh yeah, that was pretty sick. Roland: Big up Germany.

Sam: We've been Counterfeit. I hope you've enjoyed our ramblings. Jamie: Yeah we're hitting up some festivals this Summer. Taubertal, open flair and some others, we'll catch you out on the road. Thanks very much.

[smocatoff]

Music Retrospective #1: Metallica

In 1981, Danish drummer Lars Ulrich put out an ad in a magazine known as The Recycler for a jamming buddy. The man who answered that add? James Hetfield. Lars then asked Metal Blade records founder Brian Slagel if he could record a song for their compilation album Metal Massacre. Slagel gave them the okay, and the rest they say is history.

Officially forming in October of that year, Metallica would go on to influence the next 30 years of hard rock and heavy metal. And in this review/retrospective of their staggering discography, I intend to give you my critical thoughts and personal take on one of the finest metal bands of all time, and one of the bands that inspired me to become a musician.

Ground rules before we get going: No live albums and no compilations. So no S&M, no Live Shit, no Garage Inc., you get the idea. First album up!

Kill ‘Em All

Starting out with bassist Ron Mcgoveny and shred master himself Dave Mustaine, Metallica enjoyed a fair amount of success on the club scene, and recorded some demos for Metal Blade Records, but due to drug problems and all around shitty behaviour, James and Lars gave Davey boy a bus ticket and told him to get out of the band, with McGovney leaving soon after. The line up that would grace the debut record Kill ‘Em All would be James, Lars, and new guitarist Kirk Hammet and bassist Cliff Burton. Oh boy, what a debut album it was.

Firing on all cylinders with scorching riffs and solos, this album provides you with some of the best 80s thrash metal that you can find. Kirk Hammett and James Hetfield provide blistering thrash metal guitar work, with some of the heaviest riffs and firey solos you can find. Further, the mastery of Cliff Burton’s bass work is on full display, most notably on the incredible solo known as “Anesthesia (Pulling Teeth)”. My personal favourite song would have to be the 7 minute biblical head banger, which Dave Mustaine would later perform on in its original incarnation on Killing is my Business (We’ll talk about that band another time), “The Four Horseman”. While a great album, it is certainly not a perfect one.

Kirk had been told to emulate Dave’s playing as much as possible during the recording of this album, and while stellar, it would pale in comparison to the unique style Hammett would eventually adopt later on. Moreover, I was never a big fan of lower quality, 80s thrash production style, so I was not the biggest fan of hearing James’ voice caked in reverb and the playing not as tightly knit as on later albums. Plus, the weakest song on the album has to be “Phantom Lord”. I’m sorry, but this is some weak ass, generic thrashy bullshit. Nothing memorable about that song.

Overall, an essential album for metal fans, and Metallica fans especially.

8.5 out of 10

Ride the Lightning

With thrash metal beginning to flourish in the early 80s with the likes of Slayer and Anthrax gaining prominence, as well as bands like Exodus and Sodom starting to form and get noticed, Metallica maintained its foothold atop the mountain and did so with 1984’s “Ride the Lightning”. Becoming more technical and pristine in their playing and production, Metallica evolved into the band we know and love on this album. Incorporating acoustic guitars, more complex arrangements, slower tempos, and providing some of the grandest sounding metal I have ever heard, Ride the Lightining is a treasure. From brooding ballads such as Fade to Black, the magnificent title track, the Hemmingway inspired anthem For Whom the Bell Tolls, this album features Metallica venturing into more morose and serious lyrical content, resulting in some of their best material ever. My personal favourite song, a little gem of a diddy known as “Escape”.

I doubt you could find a song you didn’t like on this album. Highly recommended. With Metallica getting this great, I don’t know how we’re going to top this album. But oh boy, do they ever top this album.

9.5 out of 10

Master of Puppets

In the year Nineteen hundred and eighty six of the common era, the gods bestowed upon us MASTER OF FUCKING PUPPETS. Good god. This. Fucking. Album. Easily Metallica’s most pristinely produced, tightly performed, and expertly written album. Evolving to combine the more progressive, grand arrangements of “Ride the Lightning” with the more straightforward, blistering thrash of Kill ‘Em All. Kirk Hammet and James Hetfield’s guitar work raging through with precision and soul, and Lars ripping out some of the most blistering drum work he has ever done, with Flemming Rassmusen and the band conjuring the most pristine and polished sound they could. There is a reason why this is regularly cited as one of the finest albums in metal history. Not a single bad song can be found on this album. Personal Favourite? Jesus god, throw a dart. But if I had to choose, I have always had a soft spot for the heavy as hell “The Thing That Should Not Be”.

This was the first Metallica album I heard, but even if you shed the nostalgia goggles and look at the album with critical eyes, you still find a towering classic of the genre. Unabashedly recommended, buy it yesterday. 

10 out of 10

...And Justice for All

Metallica has reached an all time high...but tragedy would strike, and take the band to a very personal low, as bassist Cliff Burton would pass away due to a bus accident on September 27th, 1986. With the tragic passing of Cliff Burton, Metallica was short a bassist. Enter Flotsam and Jetsam member Jason Newstead *cut to interview regarding Jason joining Metallica* With Newstead entering the picture, Metallica would then release the follow-up to the staggering Master of Puppets known as And Justice for All. Look, this is great album in its own right, but this album had to follow Master of Puppets. This album could not live up to such hype. But despite personal tragedy and a insurmountable challenge of trying to match, or even top, a bonafide masterpiece, Metallica managed to pump out a highly respectable album.

Continuing down the grander and more progressive road they had been travelling since Ride the Lightning, they also incorporated much darker and more brooding lyrics and guitar tones. This is no more exemplified by the song which resulted in Metallica’s first music video, the number one music video on MTV when it was introduced, and their first American hit on the Billboard Top 100, “One”.

While a very good album, Justice falls flat in certain respects. Firstly, while there aren’t necessarily bad songs on this album, some of the songs like “The Shortest Straw” and “Frayed Ends of Sanity” are a tad on the weaker side. Also, there’s the whole bass thing...so for whatever reason, whether it be as a form of hazing, or because of feelings regarding Cliff,  Lars told the album’s mixer, Steve Thompson, to lower the volume on the bass, and despite questioning this, he was made to do it anyways...Okay...

Really? Are you serious? Just because you’re “hazing the new guy”, or you miss your friend, or are just the self absorbed putz even Metallica fans know you to be, it doesn’t give you the right to pull childish bullshit like purposefully messing with the mix of a widely released album. Now, the other hazing bullshit, I don’t care about that. Pulling a rib on the boys can be light hearted fun, but when personal shit like that bleeds into your work and you leave an album without bass lines to properly fill it out, you officially become a prick. Despite me standing by his side for Napster (I’ll explain that thing another time), this is just juvenile. Luckily, a fan mix called “And Justice for Jason” remedied that, and allowed people to hear what Justice would have sounded like if it were properly mixed. Hell, despite Lars being a primadonna and taking certain things a bit too personally, Newstead has always remained fairly chill about the situation.

Overall, despite the bullshit with the bass mixing and some weak cuts, ...And Justice for All is a solid follow up to the towering classic that is Master of Puppets, and is definitely worthy of your collection. Recommended.

8.5 out of 10

Metallica (The Black Album)

With Newsted established as the band’s new bassist, and with song ideas brewing during their tour for Justice, Metallica hopped back into the studio with brand new producer Bob Rock, and popped out the highest selling record the band would ever produce, the self titled album commonly referred to as The Black Album. Lauded by many music publications, with 4s and 5s being thrown at it like Shibata throws out stiff kicks, everyone seemed to love it. However, does it truly live up to that acclaim? My answer: not quite.

Do not get me wrong, this is one of Metallica’s first five albums, so it’s a great fucking record. Pounding, groove laden metal riffs coupled with more melodic songwriting, it was a clear departure from the progressive, grandiose thrash metal of their previous 3 records, yet it still retained Metallica’s style and seminal songwriting. There are some superb cuts, with headbanging anthems like “Sad but True” and the smash hit “Enter Sandman” as well as my personal favourite hidden gem “Holier than Thou”, but there are some weaker, dare I say filler level cuts such as “Through the Never”.  Yeah, call me when your case of the word vomit ends guys. But overall, this is a stellar record and it is a very important benchmark for Metallica, as well as 90s metal. Moving on!

8 out of 10 

Load

Short haircuts? Check. New sound and experimentation with genres that alienates even the most steadfast of fan? Check. Trying even fucking harder this time for mainstream attention? Check. Yup, Metallica’s gone full fucking 90s on us. Load is for sure a weaker album than the Black Album, and it is full of hard rock snoozers like “Bleeding Me” and “Poor Twisted Me”, but when this album turns it up and actually goes, good god does it go. Hard rocking headbangers like “Ain’t My Bitch” and “Wasting my Hate” as well as more melodic, downpaced rock such as my personal favourite track “The House That Jack Built”, While the music may have mellowed out, Kirk and James’s guitar playing has not and they rip out some killer riffs on this record. Hell, even the really far out there experiments work very well, such as the pop-y sounding “Hero of the Day” and one of the best fucking modern, mainstream country songs ever “Mama Said”. Like, that is a sad statement on the genre when fucking Metallica outdoes the sorry excuses for country acts that were starting to permeate the genre in the 90s, and we are talking dick cheese such as Billy Ray Cyrus, Kenny Chesney, and all that shit.

Metallica’s “Load” is not for everyone, but if you look past and ignore all the 1st degree filler that is on this record, there are some superb cuts that rank among Metallica’s best work in my opinion.

6.5 out of 10

Reload

Metallica went into the studio to record Load and actually had enough material to fill a double album. Metallica decided to delay the release of a majority of this material in order to perfect it, and the result of this was 1997’s “Reload”. Continuing down the more commercial hard rock path they had started travelling, Reload offers, in my opinion, a more consistent and sonically pleasing offering than its predecessor. With alot of the grader experimentation from Load being scrapped, Metallica decided to unleash some pure fucking rock and roll, with James and Kirk throwing down headbanging riffs and Lars producing some memorable drum beats. With powerful hard rock beatdowns like “Fuel” and “Attitude”, as well as slower, more melodic and groove laden songs like “Devil’s Dance”, “Unforgiven 2” and “Where the Wild Things Are”. While this album is better than Load, it does have its share of filler like “Bad Seed” and “Slither”. My personal favourite song though has to be the somber ballad “Low Man’s Lyric”. While Reload is certainly not a return to form for the band, it is a more consistent and better offering than Load and certainly worth a listen.

Metallica wouldn’t release a proper studio album for another six years, releasing other offerings in the meantime, such as the cover album Garage Inc., as well as S&M, a live show Metallica did with a full symphony orchestra.  This period would also prove to be one of the most tumultuous times in the band’s career, which is expertly shown in the documentary “Some Kind of Monster”. During this harrowing period, bassist Jason Newsted left the band, citing creative and personal differences, including Jason’s want to do other projects. There was also...Napster...welp, we had to do it. Let’s talk about Napster 

Okay, so basic rundown of the issue. Metallica records a song entitled “I, Disappear” for the soundtrack of Mission Impossible 2. However, a demo of the song was leaked, and ended up getting radio airplay. The band was able to trace this leak back to a file found on Napster, which led them to also find out that all their shit was on Napster. Lars then filed a lawsuit, and after a whole giant legal battle involving Metallica and a ton of other artists, Napster was forced to file Bankruptcy and was shut down for good. People...did not like this. With people staging mass destructions of Metallica CDs, and many media outlets just roasting the fuck out of the band. It was not a pleasant time for the boys. Here’s the thing though. Amidst all the media hoopla and everyone jumping on the “fuck Metallica” bandwagon...the band was in the right. Firstly, Music is a business like any other, and while these artists do for the most part love what they do, they are in this to make a living out of it, i.e. MAKE MONEY. Piracy of music, while admittedly not a big blow to the artists, is still a blow to their profits. Could you blame someone for trying to take down something that was giving away their product for free without their permission? Secondly, a fucking DEMO was leaked. Meaning the song was in the rough stages of its production. It was like that unfinished version of X-Men Origins, or that trailer of The Mummy without all the sound effects. It doesn’t look good on the band, so you should obviously shut that down and shut it down fast. In summary, Metallica did nothing wrong and took down a program full of stolen shit, and people had a hissy fit about it because “muh free music!” Fuck those morons for not understanding how business works.

After the turbulent tides of this period had begun to subside, with James getting clean after a year of rehab, a new bassist being found in Rob Trujillo, and being honored on MTV Icons, Metallica would drop their next studio album and it would prove to be a return to form...sort of...not really.

7 out of 10

St. Anger

This album is one of the most reviled things in music history. Every fan, every critic pretty much hate this record and think it’s an abomination. But, and you’re probably gonna stop reading for this (you probably stopped after the Napster thing), I don’t think it deserves the shit it gets. Don’t get me wrong, 2003’s “St. Anger” is a flawed record for sure. From the odd production, guitar tones, drum sounds, and some of the most tedious songwriting Metallica has ever engaged in, this album is far from a masterpiece. But, that does not mean this is not devoid of highlights. Despite its repetitious nature, there are some gems on this record, and some great riffage from James and Kirk, plus Lars puts on an incredibly underrated drum performance. My personal favourite song has to be the badassery of a diddy known as “Shoot me Again”. This is not a great record, do not get me wrong. It’s arguably the weakest thing Metallica has ever done. but if you give it a chance, there are some solid gems on this record. With Metallica reformed, they would hold off another 5 years on a new record, but we did not expect the course correction that came.

6 out of 10

Death Magnetic

Welcome back, Metallica! With the band parting ways from Elektra records, Metallica was in need of a record label for their new album. Enter the legend known as Rick Rubin. Signing with Warner Brothers and hiring on Rubin as a producer (I use that term liberally by the way because Rubin doesn’t do much producing these days and leaves it up to his underlings), Metallica popped out the staggering comeback known as Death Magnetic. Released in 2008, this album proved to be Metallica’s best record since the Black Album, nixing the repetitive nature of St. Anger and returning to the more grandiose, progressive and technical thrash metal style that made them the legends they are. The guitar work on this album is superb, with James and Kirk laying down some excellent riffs and incredible guitar harmonies. This also proved to be a return to form for Lars Ulrich, laying down some of the most precise drum work he has ever done. My personal favourite song would have to be the insanely heavy instrumental, something that Metallica hasn’t done since Justice, the song known as “Suicide and Redemption”, which like “Call of Chuthlu” and “Orion” before it, served to show off the technical side of their bass player, and Rob Trujillo lays down some killer bass licks in this song. 

While this is arguably their best songwriting in many years, the production leaves a little to be desired, and that’s putting it nicely. The major culprit in all of this? Those fucking guitar tones. Like, what the fuck did you do? It sounds like a two chainsaws grinding against each other, and it splits your fucking ears. Like, listen to that album with good headphones and at a fairly high volume, it’s painful. But, see, here’s the thing. Slayer (A band we will be talking about in the near future), also had Rubin and his crew as producers for World Painted Blood, and it worked for Slayer because that suits their sound. This does not suit Metallica, and it fucking kills an otherwise excellent record. Despite the pitfalls in the production, Metallica’s “Death Magnetic” is a fantastic return to form, and will kick your ass. Buy this record.

With Metallica back on the rise, what new projects would await them? *Listens to Lulu*...DONE!

7.5 out of 10

Lulu

This album...is SHIIIIT. 2011’s collaboration with, of all fucking people, Lou Reed entitled “Lulu” is a failed experiment. Combining the styles of two artists, namely, the experimental, 60s and 70s rock music of someone like Lou Reed and the thrash metal headbanging of Metallica, they did not fit together at all. And listen here folks, collaborations between odd pairings of artists can work. Korn’s team up with various dubstep artists on The Path to Totality album generally was a solid effort by that band; David Bowie, being the musical chameleon he is, fit like a glove when Nine Inch Nails and him worked on remixing “I’m Afraid of Americans”; when Weezer and Lil Wayne teamed up to do “Can’t Stop Partying”...ok, point taken. But still, odd pairings in music can work. But this just didn’t. From the sloppy songwriting put forward by Metallica, to Lou Reed’s rambling street preacher vocal style which only works on certain songs, this album sounds like Lou Reed decided to just rant over a bunch of b-sides Metallica had left over and had no idea what to do with. I suppose if I had to pick a highlight from this album, it would have to be the 2nd last song “Dragon”, a heavy offering that actually manages to marry the styles of these bands quite effectively. But overall, just avoid this record, outside of hearing a couple songs. It’s not for Lou Reed fans, it’s not for Metallica fans, i’ts for no one. Say it with me homeboys, MOVING ON!

3 out of 10

Hardwired to Self Destruct

With the dogshit that is Lulu behind them, Metallica embarked on a few years of touring, playing pretty much nothing but old shit, playing for the first time with the big four, as well as doing fan requested setlists, it was time to head back into the studio and make some kick ass music. The result of this was last year’s Hardwired to Self Destruct. This album is both stronger and weaker than Death Magnetic. It is stronger in that it is much more tightly produced, with those chainsaw guitars being replaced with a more crisp sounding tone more in line with their previous output. With the band getting up there in age, they however show no signs of slowing down, with James’ voice not showing an instance of faltering since blowing it out all those years ago. Further, the guitar work on this album is superb, and Lars lays down some tight and precise drumming. However, this album isn’t the tightest in terms of songwriting, and begins to falter around the end of disc one and by disc two they let out some grade A filler like “Man-Unkind”. Yeah, this song sounds like they’re trying to hearken back to the days of Load with this one, and those days are gone and should stay gone. But this album is not devoid of highlights, with my personal favourite track being the cybernetic dystopian fury of the closing song “Spit Out The Bone”. Hell, the first disc on this album fucking slays, with tracks like “Moth Into Flame” and the grandiose, almost Maiden-esque “Atlas Rise.” Overall, a solid album full of really heavy songs, but the band’s age is showing, and the idea well is starting to run dry. It might be time to hang it up. But we’ll see.

7 out of 10

Well, I thank you for reading this tirade about one of my favourite bands of all time, the incomparable Metallica. Hope you have a good day.

[fillthisoutlater-blog1]

An Introduction to Online Dating

One time years ago, shortly after a particularly devastating breakup, I decided to go out on a limb and take a chance. After months of feeling sorry for myself over gas station snacks and marathons of Gossip Girl, in a moment of admitted weakness, I peeled myself off of my futon, picked the Funyun crumbs out of my cleavage, and joined OkCupid.

I had heard the horror stories, but at first, it really wasn’t so bad. The messages trickled in slowly, a Hey sexi! here, an obvious copy-paste there. Then all of a sudden some guy is asserting that he has the biggest boner on the internet and a married guy is trying to get me into a threesome. And this guy wants to know how much I can bench, and that guy is just wearing a towel hanging from his ding-dong (so much hairy side-butt.) It’s confusing and scary and there are a lot of Bro-man Polanski’s wielding dead fish and clenched abs. Those pictures amused me the most, the headless torso shots, like you’d walk into a date with this guy and have to circle the bar lifting up shirts. Now, I recognize the nipple rings, but the chest hair is throwing me off. I was expecting a six pack on a spray-tanned hotdog, but what I’m getting here is more Chewy meets The Thing. Tell me, are you HawtLover69? Do you know where I can find him?

I tried to be more proactive, scrolling through pages of eligible bachelors like looking through sexy resumes. I found myself being too critical, scanning through dudes thinking Fuck your t-shirt, You look like Elmer Fudd, because it’s so easy to do when you have a potential mate’s self-professed best qualities listed in front of you like a menu. At this point in my life, I felt entitled to some stellar hunk of a man, my very own Romeo, if Romeo was a scientist cowboy lawyer with meaningful tattoos and a nice beard. Also, minus the whole tragic death part. Not about that shit.

So when I got a message from a cute, kind of geeky looking dude that made me laugh, I was quick to respond. We exchanged messages all night, and he seemed funny and charming and harmless, so when he asked me to get a drink, I thought, Why not?

We decided to meet later that week at a bar in his neighborhood. The day of, I was pretty nervous. This was my first online date, and for all I knew he was really a philandering robber baron or Anthony Wiener in a wig. I spent an hour digging through my closet, trying to find something cute to wear. Should I wear a skirt? Do I have to wear heels? I can’t get away with my good sweatpants, can I? A pile of discarded clothes was growing on the floor and I decided that someday I would be fashionable and attractive, but tonight I was going to wear the floral dress and flats like I always do when I’m making an effort and the black leather bomber jacket that made me feel like an international jewel thief, as long as my cat hadn’t peed on it again. (She would reserve that for when I got home.)

A tangle of cords, products and powders later, I felt ready, invincible. I looked good, I had managed to put on both perfume and deodorant, and I was ready to be swept off my feet. I left with enough time to sit in my car for a last minute glance at my date’s profile, in case conversation got really strained and I needed material. I hadn’t been on a date in a long time.

I walked into the bar and out back to the patio. I spotted him immediately. He was wearing a dark shirt and jeans and, in person, looked like a blond Squiggy. He saw me and waved, so I walked over to his table and sat down.

It started slowly. We stumbled into conversation, exchanging inquiries about each other’s days. Then he asked me if I had gone to a recent music festival.

“Yes,” I said. “I did. Did you?”

“I went,” he said, leaning back in his chair. “And it was terrible because you couldn’t see anything from the VIP section.”

“Oh, you were VIP?” I asked.

“Yeah,” he said. “I’m with one of the bands.” He paused to let this sink in.

Hesitantly, I asked, “Which band?”

He told me, and I replied with the requisite level of feigned admiration. (Also, he was their merch guy.)  He proceeded to tell me all about his encounters with various famous people, how Bill Murray screamed in his face one time and how he had sushi with Michael Cera, who was a complete bore.

“And this one time, we went to this strip club, because, you know how touring is.”

I didn’t actually know how touring was, unless you count the time I drove to Kenosha to watch a friend’s band play at a smoky VFW and drank Natty Lights in the parking lot because we were underage, but even then I was back by curfew.

“Well, we’re in this strip club, and they’re playing Elliot Smith of all things, and this girl is just stripping and crying, like really crying.” He frowned empathetically. “It was really fucked up.”

“Oh, that’s… Okay.”

He looked at me searchingly. “Are you nervous?” he asked. “You seem nervous.”

“Nervous” was not exactly what I was feeling at the moment, but I responded with, “Oh, it’s just my first online date.”

“I see.” He paused, looking me over. “I’ve been on a lot. They’re usually not great. Although this one time, I was going out with this older chick, I mean, she wasn’t really old or anything, not like anything gross, and from the pictures, I thought I was going to meet her and her friend, and you know, have a threesome.” I nodded. I knew how it was. “But then this guy comes, and he like, sucks my dick while they watch. I mean, I’m not gay or anything, but yeah, he just sucked my dick. Just sucked my dick while they watched.”

At this point, my date was loudly repeating the phrase “Sucked my dick” in a somewhat crowded bar while rats were running frantically in and out of the bushes.

“Have you been to Europe?” he asked me.

“Yes,” I said, relieved.

“Where’ve you been?”

“Stockholm, London…”

“Oh, London,” he said, wrinkling his nose. “I lived in London for a year. There’s no reason to ever go to England.”

“Well, I enjoyed it,” I said. He smirked.

“I love San Francisco. My sister lives out there. She lives with her girlfriend. I mean, I know she’s a lesbian and she’s dating my sister, but I think this girl is my soul mate. She’s really great and she’s just so beautiful.”

“Wow, okay.”

“I do stand-up,” he said. “I mostly just talk about my dick, though. It’s a great dick. What do you do?”

“I work for an IT company,” I said.

He looked at me skeptically. “Is that a 9 to 5?”

“Yes, it is.”

“That sucks. I can’t imagine working a 9 to 5. I work at a sushi restaurant, which really affords me a lot of freedom. Just today, I walked all across the city, just because. Can’t do that with a 9 to 5, can you?”

I considered bringing up weekends, or the fact that night exists, but I just smiled and shrugged. He continued motor-mouthing his way through his exciting and unique adventures with little pause for air, so I fell into a habit of picking at my nails and nodding a lot.

The bartender came out and cleared his throat.

“The patio’s closing. Everybody has to move inside.”

We walked into the bar and I paused, facing him.

“Want to go to another bar?” he asked.

“Well,” I said, “I should probably get going. I have work in the morning.”

“Your 9 to 5?” he asked, sympathetically.

“Yeah, my 9 to 5.” Aww, geez. 

He followed me out of the bar and onto the sidewalk. For one brief but terrifying moment, I thought he was going to kiss me, but he pulled me into a strong and lingering hug.

“Now what?” he said, giving me what I’m sure was intended to be a seductive glance but looked more like he was about to sneeze. 

I paused, and said, “How about we run really fast in opposite directions?”

He grinned and started to count down.

“3…2…1…GO!”

And with that, he took off running down the street and I hurried to my car and sped away. I wondered if he had returned to the spot where we were standing and was astonished that I was gone. I also wondered if he was punking me and using this as material for his standup. Then I wondered if there were any drive-thru liquor stores in Chicago that also sold tacos. Maybe tacos that had liquor baked right in them. Vodka tacos (vodtacos?) with wine in the salsa. And they’d come with a copy of Titanic and like, six or seven cats, because if this was dating these days, I was just going to wrap myself in a bathrobe, get really into knitting or fly-fishing or something, and call it good. 

I pulled onto my street, threw the car in park and sighed. What an unforgivable waste of cute underwear.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #62

“for better or for worse, i was born into a hearse.”

what do you normally eat at a barbecue?   honestly, i suffer at a barbecue.  i don't like anything that is usually cooked. do you prefer aquatic creatures or flying (water or air)?   flying, i presume. would you like to go swimming with dolphins?   i'd be kinda iffy, because i know dolphins can be quite mean, but i'd still do it. what to you is beautiful beyond all compare?   jason.  well, he's handsome, but you get it. in 5 years time, what do you NOT want to be doing (worst scenario)?   uhhh i guess be in prison for murdering ashley. have you and a friend ever gone after the same person?   thank god, no. do you lead people on?   i do not. have you ever been told that you were going to hell?   nope. do you know any actual dances or do you just move to the music?   not really.  i just know shit like the cupid shuffle and uhhh... not the electric slide... what's the other song like it? name the coolest thing about one of your grandparents.   they built their own house. do you know which side your appendix is on?   uhhhh... left, i think? if someone was willing to tell your crush you liked them would you let them?   it'd be useless.  he already knows. do you put q-tips in your ear or just round the outside?   honestly i'll put them into the ear a bit because i hate my ears feeling waxy. have you ever popped another person’s zit?   no, thank jesus. gave you ever told a friend to dump their SO? did they?   yeah, summer when she dated nick.  she did eventually. what do you think is the coolest piercing on someone else?   back dermals. who do you tease most often and what about?   the only person i've ever been comfortable teasing was jason.  i'd call him a geek a lot, but he knows i didn't mean it harmfully.  i'm attracted to geeks anyway. most disgusting bug?   disgusting, well, obviously the dung beetle. favorite thing you’ve ever painted?   i painted two meerkats grooming each other on burlap in acrylic in high school.  turned out stellar, in my honest opinion. when it’s your birthday, do you have the correct number of candles?   i probably won't this year, as 21 is quite a few. when you take surveys, what kinds of questions do you HOPE will be asked?   just unique ones.  questions you very rarely hear, or my favorite, controversial ones that really invoke thought. do you like 80s music?   80s metal, hell yeah. what kind of food is your favorite? (Ex. Mexican, Chinese, Thai, etc.)   american how would you feel if you were drafted for the military?   i'd rather die. would you have sex before marriage? why or why not?   i still don't know.  i've said before i regret not letting jason take my virginity, and i don't want regrets.  honestly, if by some miracle he comes back, i'm ditching it.  through him being gone, i have truly seen just how much i adore him, and when you love someone this much, i don't care if i'm not legally bound to him, he deserves to know me like that.  if i start a new relationship, though... i kinda doubt i'll ever have sex until i'm married, because if jason can't take my virginity, i don't want another man to until i'm married to him.  jason had to wait, so does he. lmao reading that, my logic is so fucky, idk. how do you feel about shaved pubes?   if you don't like them, shave them.  good for you. are you more liberal or conservative?   i'm definitely more conservative, but have some liberal views. why do some teenagers drink alcohol?   i'm sure everyone drinks for a different reason. do you like obama?   i don't know enough about him to judge fairly.  i disagree with some of his policies that i know about, but he honestly seems like a really chill and funny dude. would making abortion illegal really be the logical thing to do?   fucking yes it would be.  and DO NOT give me the "it'll only stop safe abortions" argument.  guess what?  murder's illegal.  still happens.  a mother should in no way be comfortable killing her spawn, and i am disgusted beyond anything more in human nature by the fact people do it without even flinching.  just.  shit.  i have so much to say about this.  i do pity a woman who decides to have an unsafe abortion, yes, but no, i will not say sorry to you that a child "inconvenienced" you.  i do not CARE what is going on in your life, you act like a fucking adult, suck that shit up, bear the child, give it up to adoption.  think it'll scar you for life?  guess the fuck what?  shit far "worse" than a CHILD happens to a good majority of people. lkasjdoaisuere i really don't feel like going on with this.  and i know i sound so feisty with this subject, but i am just so passionate about the issue. does the person you like, like you?   apparently not. what's the most sexual thing you've done?   idk, oral i guess? what's your opinion on masturbation?   this question seems to come up a lot lately in the quizzes i'm finding...  but anyway.  it's wrong.  lustful.  gross in my opinion, i don't care how clean you may be. do you wish you had an eating disorder because you want to lose weight?   okay, i want to lose weight VERY badly, but i would never wish an eating disorder upon myself. what is your favorite queen song?   "bohemian rhapsody," duh! who is the sexiest celebrity? would you cheat on your partner for this celebrity?   link neal is daddy af.  but no, i wouldn't. how often do you cuss?   just as often as i say "normal" words. how is your self-esteem?   non-existent. have you ever thought about committing suicide?   tried it. have you ever cleaned up someone else’s vomit?   i have not, and i couldn't. would you kiss the last person you texted?   that would be colleen, and no. do you think you exercise enough?   i don't exercise period.  i feel too fucking weak to ever do it efficiently and because of my medication, i sweat to the point that it is NOT worth it. you’re getting ready to go to bed, and the last person you kissed shows up. what do you say?  "hi, sweetheart." if i offered to buy you a chocolate bar, which would you choose?   hershey's, please. have you ever written a song or poem for someone special?   i have.  i hope he still has it... have you ever been told that you resemble a celebrity?   no, but i've been told i resemble a video game character.  well, i did. in your life, who is the person that seems to understand you the most?   of all the people in my life, i thought jason did. last time you got goosebumps?   well i'm still watching the "life is strange" playthrough from earlier and this fucking game gives me goosebumps pretty easily. do you have a beatles shirt?   no, i don't enjoy them enough to have one. what color(s) have you dyed your hair?   i've had black, red, purple, burgundy... probably more i'm forgetting. do you think about the way things used to be often?   my life's consumed by it. have you ever dated a ginger?   nope. have you ever cheated on a boyfriend/girlfriend?   nope. how do you like being roused in the morning?   ... i'mma just say a "certain way" by jason like he liked to do. favorite food?   jalapeno pizza what is the best news you could hear right now?   "jason wants to give you an apology." do you listen to screamo?   no, it's one of the rare metal sub-genres i do not enjoy.  i want to be able to understand the words. does your town/area have a farmer’s market? do you ever buy your vegetables there rather than grocery store?   area, sure, maybe like an hour away.  town, no, so we don't really buy groceries there. you're on life support, and you want someone to pull the plug.  who do you want to do it?   honest to god... if jason could do one more thing for me, if that was my life... it'd be that.  he's already done so much to me that he might as well kill me, too.  it sounds dark, i know, but if that was my life, living in such torture, i'd want him to take the roll of messiah again, one more time, like he did when we were dating.  for him to save me from a fate worse than death, for him to do that one last thing for me, maybe i would die at least slightly happy.  I AM NOOOOOT saying i want that to actually happen, i don't at all, but if it were to happen, i'd want jason to be the one to muster up the will to visit me even once to do it. has anyone ever “ruined” anything for you (for example: your partner says, “oh, this song always reminds me of my ex” and you never want to listen to it again, or your friend is so obsessed with a movie that you start to resent the film)?   ohhhh boy.  OHHHHHH BOY.  can i actually like... vent here about everything jason ruined for me?  just to get this shit out, because i'm honestly still hurt that so many things i can't experience anymore?  let's start, boiz! motionless in white and black veil brides both trigger me, as they were his favorite bands, but i listen to them anyway.  i can't listen to "the mortician's daughter" and "saviour" by bvb, "city lights" by motionless in white fucks with me a bit, i cannot tolerate "when it's love" by van halen or "all or nothing" by theory of a deadman because i thought both would play big parts in my wedding with him.  i can't listen to "stairway to heaven" by led zeppelin because of that time we danced to it.  i can't watch "american horror story," "supernatural," or "sherlock" because we binge-watched them all.  i can't go to olive garden because he used to work there.  i can't go to office depot because he works there now.  i can't even think of the batman series, particularly joker and harley quinn, without thinking of jason.  i'm most certain there's more, but that's all that's coming to me right now... would you ever get a tattoo in honor of someone in your life?  it doesn't have to be their name.   ... sigh.  three questions in a row where i'm going to go on and on about jason, lmao...  well, the answer's yes.  i know people in my life are going to have problems with it, especially family, but i've seriously considered many tats i want in his honor.  i've thought about the consequences, and frankly, i do not care.  i want them.  who knows, maybe i will move on one day (i doubt it, but who knows), but i can guarantee to you that i may not like, but won't mind having memories on him ingrained into my flesh. so anyone, here's the tattoos i think i'll actually get: 1.) "... and you ain't got his smile" quote (harley quinn quote; the one i'm most likely to do); 2.) "i don't love you like i did yesterday" (mcr song) quote with two hands ripping a heart below it [this song has really helped me through this breakup], 3.) a watercolor blue jay (his nickname is "j bird"), 4.) "i love you more than i could ever scream" (bvb song) quote, and 5.) "saudade" (means a longing for one you cannot have, stuff like that).  yes.  i am seriously considering getting five tats dedicated to my ex.  move along. away from jason, yeah, i'd get tats for other people, too.  i have a shared "ohana" tattoo with my best friend.  i'll probably get something with my mother at some point, too. if you had a significant other and somehow got a chance to kiss your celebrity crush, would you still go for it?   no, honestly. if you still live with your parents, is it scary for you to imagine living away from them when you move out on your own? if you live on your own, how did you cope with moving away from your family for the first time?   i am scared of moving out, yes.  depression makes me... kinda irresponsible, to be honest.  i'm not the best at taking care of myself and such, and i don't want to neglect my house.  when i lived in the apartment, it was a good taste of how it'd be like, and we all failed.  i'm very, very scared of moving out. do you tend to be attracted to people that are more similar to you in interests and mannerisms or do you tend to be attracted to someone opposite/complementing to you?   i'm definitely attracted to people more like me. is there something that people complain about that just makes you roll your eyes because you think is not a big deal and you would gladly trade your own issues for it?   i mean, sometimes, yeah.  at the same time though, i know exactly what it's like to have an issue that people underestimate.  it's the exact reason colleen and i are fighting.  you don't know how well or badly a certain person will handle a specific issue. have you ever received an unwanted gift from someone trying to woo you? did you accept it or reject it?   from juan, yeah.  i've accepted minor stuff, but never anything major. have you ever boycotted a product or corporation? how come?   i don't think i seriously have. if someone asks you to hang out, but for some reason you’re just feeling lazy/don’t want to go anywhere, do you ignore them, make up an excuse, or just tell them the honest truth?   lmao i'll honestly do all three.  just depends. have you heard of or even read the novel, “50 shades of grey”? if so, what’s your opinion about it?   everyone's heard of it, and it's fucking disgusting and demeaning and instills terrible relationship ideals into some people. has a guy ever let you wear his jacket?   jason has a big leather jacket i loved to "steal" while we were in the school cafeteria because i was always cold. has anyone you ever dated called you in the middle of the night just to hear your voice?   no, not just for that. have you met anyone famous?   i have not. what will your next piercing be?   mom really doesn't want to be the one to buy me my tongue piercing because she's so against the idea, so she's thinking of letting me get my lip re-pierced on my birthday. what do you regret doing at FAR too young?   fully and with reckless abandon giving someone my heart. do you have any weapons for personal protection?   no.  i'm not legally allowed to own a gun due to me being mentally ill/having a history of suicide attempts, and i don't know about other weapons. is there a piece of jewelry that holds any sentimental value to you?   yes, a ring jason gave me for our anniversary once.  it had a golden base with a bluish-purple gem.  it was pretty big.  he was so pissed (not at me, at the seller) when it broke, though.  i still have it in the jewelry box he gave me... what does your facebook status say right now?   ehhhh, i honestly kinda exploded last night and went off on everyone who calls me "friend," no one in particular.  i was tired of being so let down by the people who "care" about me. would you ever agree to an open relationship with someone?   no way in seven hells. have you ever had your picture in the newspaper?   i have not. what did you have for dinner last night?   i was so upset that i didn't eat. do you think you look similar to your siblings?   i look less like them than ashley and nicole look like each other, but i do look like them. what do you usually dream about?   jason's always there. do you ever use sleep as a way to cope with bad moods?   i use sleep to cope with, well, a lot.  when i'm bored, i'll sleep, when i feel like crap, i'll sleep...  i almost always take at least one nap a day, and sometimes i'll lie down a second time.  it's embarrassing to admit. what’s the most self-destructive thing you’ve ever done?   letting jason become my world. was (or is) it difficult for you to watch your siblings mature? if you’re an only child, is it difficult to watch family members in general get older?   it's not as hard with ashley, but it really is with nicole.  she's the youngest, and though we're bonded truly only through blood, i don't like seeing her get older.  it's still weird that she has a feminine body and not a child's, and she's 18 for heaven's sake.  all but like one of her boyfriends i haven't trusted.  it hurts me physically when her current bf acts like the shithead he is.  i nearly had an emotional breakdown when i found out she was having sex via the doctor.  i don't like her growing up. have you ever blamed an outside force for a problem you were having?   ... i guess blaming jason for a lot of things. do you find yourself getting more optimistic around new year’s, or does that time of year have a negative affect on you?   there's no change at all.  a new year has no effect on events that transpire, so there's literally no reason to be optimistic. who was your high school crush?   he was more than a "crush," but jason. what do you dislike about your smile?   my eyes squint when i smile. have you noticed that EVERYONE is ‘bisexual’ these days?   erm, not "everyone" is, but i noticed bisexuality becoming popular when i was in middle school.  many, many girls i knew claimed to be so, then would "turn straight" like a year later.  it was stupid. are you online 24/7?   pretty much, yes. who is your favorite online friend?   i don't really have one since mini just kinda ditched me. is it possible to be single and happy?   i'm certain it is, but after tasting what genuine love is like, i'm coming to accept i guess it's just not for me.  i don't want to rush things, though, which i'm scared of doing. is there anyone who hates you?   pretty sure rachel did in high school, don't know if she still does. does your mom know your deepest darkest secrets?   no, she does not. who did you last talk to about the person you like?   mom, i think. is there anyone you trust who you shouldn’t?   jason, i guess. do you want kids?   i guess i do.  but pondering it, there's a minor possibility i won't.  it depends on who i date.  like... before i dated jason (i know ya'll are so fucking tired of hearing about him, i truly am sorry), i didn't want kids.  a year or so into our relationship, i did, solely because i loved him so much.   i wanted a manifestation of us.  when i think of the possibility of having kids, i'm pretty sure i still only visualize it being with my ex, so that's why i still say "yeah i want kids."  who knows... if by some miracle i end up with someone else, i may not want their kids... who knows... have you ever fallen completely in love?   completely and entirely. do you believe in celebrating anniversaries?   of course i do!  love is a fucking perfect thing to celebrate! what was your biggest worry five years ago, do you still feel the same about it at this minute?   five years ago, i was busy worrying if jason and i would last.  guess i know now. do you want your children (if you have any) to be ‘just like you’?   no.  god no.  please. do you have same sex fantasies?   no, i don't. would you ever have sex in the shower or the bath?   i mean, i'd try it, sure, but i don't think it'd be my thing. opinion on immigrants/immigration reform?   i have very mixed feelings with this.  like i understand perfectly that some people have very valid reasons to leave their countries, but we also have to consider our maximum capacity as a country and how easily we could accidentally bring in a terrorist.  because of my mixed feelings, i really can't answer this question should prostitution be legalized?   fuck no. why are you the person you are?   my upbringing, the environment i was raised in, my experiences... if you were offered a shot of whiskey right this second, would you accept?   sure, i've never tried it before. what are you like when you’re drunk?   i'm sociable, i laugh a lot, and apparently i like to sing.  i like drunk me way more than sober me. do you want a church wedding?   i do not. story of the first time you made out with someone?   so jason and i were playfighting on his bed and to shut me up, he kissed me, and because of me having been talking, my mouth was open, sooo it kinda just escalated from there.  i still remember we kissed about a million times that day, probably.  so i can't be too bad a kisser lol. first time you gave/received oral sex?   i'm pretty sure he gave me oral sex first, but i don't really remember it much?  nor do i recall the first time i gave him oral?  i remember liking it but really not wanting to, and i tensed up very badly.  giving it to him, i just simply didn't enjoy (nor did i really know what to do at all in case i hurt him), even though i'm aware he was clean.  like i'm just sorry, i don't care who you are, i don't want the place you ejaculate and piss from in my mouth.  because of this, we didn't really do oral much. do you still talk to the person you lost your virginity to?   i still have my virginity. how many followers do you have on tumblr? what about twitter/instagram?   40 on my main tumblr blog, 25 on my survey one.  i am but a smol bean.  i don't have twitter and instagram. first time you thought you were in love? when did you realize that you weren’t actually in love with that person?   maybe a year or so into my relationship with jason, perhaps later?  and i was and still am in love with that man. ever seen someone just roll out of bed and still look hot?
   that's jason for you.  his hair was always so messy in the morning, but he looked like a rugged angel to me. would you ever get a tattoo on your collar bone?   i already have one there. if you were pregnant right now…?   financially, that'd be very, very bad.  regardless though, i'd keep the child and, depending on the paternity, keep it or adopt it out.  the only person i've ever done anything remotely sexual with is jason, so i'm guessing he'd have to be the dad, despite not seeing him for over a year???  if that was the case, i'd keep the baby and raise it as best i could and treasure it beyond belief.  if it wasn't his, this sounds... really bad, but i don't feel like i would have the desire to raise it myself.  it's obvious i don't love myself, so having a child that was a mix of me and god-knows-who would just feel... idk.  i don't feel like i'd be capable of loving it properly, so i'd give him/her to a family that would. have you ever kissed an ex after you two have broken up?   i have not. do you ever wear boots with skinny jeans?   i used to, when i was slimmer.  i rocked skinny jeans and black boots, imo. is there a den in your house?   there's not a room we refer to as "den," no. what's currently on your mind?   ha, first lemme say a shit load is on my mind.  always is.  but what's lying most heavily on my mind at the moment is how i quit school yesterday, and now i feel like i won't succeed as a photographer.  which is ridiculous, i know, considering all college would do me is give me a fancy sheet of paper.  it would perhaps slightly increase my chances of being employed by a company, but... hello, i want to be a freelance photographer???  getting a degree and digging so deep into debt just didn't seem worth it, at all.  experience is far more important than being told how to photograph, and you can find most information about photography online for free.  it's not worth it for what i want to focus on, i know, but dammit, that little nagging thought in me that says i failed... do you have a pinterest account?   lmao yeah i do.  i shamelessly have boards mostly related to photographs i want to recreate with my future family.  i also have a board related to stylistic/fashion choices and tattoos. have you ever seen the television show the munsters?   yes yes yes yes yes!!! would you/have you spent more than $200 on any one person for a holiday?   i mean, sure.  i might want to get a significant other something pricey, or i'd use it to get christmas presents for my child(ren). thoughts on slenderman? have you even heard of him?   i don't think he's at all scary honestly, but i guess the story of him's okay?  he's an... okay-ish introduction for someone who wants to explore horror games too, i assume. what would you call yourself the king or queen of?   obsessing over my ex. if i paid for you to take karate lessons, would you?   no, honestly. what is the saddest movie that you’ve ever seen?   hmmmm... i am not entirely sure. opinion: on surveys that begin with your name, age, etc?   i either don't take the survey if it's full of basic shit or delete the questions that are always asked. do you know any people who cuss in every sentence?   jason's mother, pretty much. ever written that you were going to end your life?   i've told my ex that over facebook before, yes.  that's the only reason he came to my house after he broke up with me, probably. is life good?   is life good, despite all the hell, struggles, joys, and spans of boredom?  no.  no, it is not. did you lose friends when you started dating someone?   juan stopped talking to me, but i barely considered him a friend anyway. have you ever used the word “rawr” in an actual conversation?   ... yes. would you change yourself for the person you love?   if he's interested in me changing for the better, sure.  but by now, i almost feel like i'd change however jason wanted me to... do you have someone you can be your complete self around?   i mean i guess i can, but i don't. do you have nice eyes?   they're average, i guess. how did you celebrate your last birthday?   we went to texas steakhouse. have you ever had sex on the beach?   no, and that sounds... gross... with all the sand...? would you ever shave your head to save someone you love?   of course. can you juggle?   nope. what’s the last thing you drew a picture of?   i'm pretty sure i drew a portrait of jason last. is your bellybutton an innie or outie?   innie. have you ever been banned from a public place?   i have not. what horror fiction character scares you the most?   scream, definitely. have you ever milked a cow?   no, and i don't really want to. have you ever given blood?   once in high school, yes. do you know any identical twins?   i do.  i forget the other kid's name, it was jason and... something.  remember that story of how the only reason i accepted my jason's friend request is because i thought he was another jason?  yeah, it was that jason. have you ever made your own ice cream?   colleen and i did together, yeah. (:

[enrcses]

do all the even numbers!

shit fam okay.

2: do you like the feeling of cold air on your cheeks on a wintery day?

it depends !! if i have to trudge through the cold and i’m walking somewhere, it’s not as fun. but if i’m running outside for something, yes.

4: how do you take your coffee/tea?

coffee,,,, i like to flavour it up with so much stuff you can’t taste the coffee anymore. and my tea i usually just drink straight up. or i add honey.

6: do you keep plants?

i used to have a cactus !! but he got knocked over during a party and he’s dying so my grandma’s taking care of him.

8: what artistic medium do you use to express your feelings?

usually writing or sometimes photoshop.

10: do you sleep on your back, side, or stomach?

my stomach. i like to bury my face in the bed.

12: what's your favorite planet?

venus, probably.

14: if you were to live with your best friend in an old flat in a big city, what would it look like?

brick walls, very open, off white curtains that flow with open windows that are made of real glass. lots of plants and paintings. it’ll smell like sandalwood and egyptian cotton.

16: what's your favorite pasta dish?

all of them.

18: tell us about something dumb/funny you did that has since gone down in history between you and your friends and is always brought up.

oh god. i once got pegged for calling this girl at my middle school a “dumpster slut” and it’s just been this big insult that everyone around me uses now. i never said it, but i’ll take credit for it.

20: what's your favorite eye color?

blue or green !!

22: are you a morning person?

it depends !! if i get enough sleep, i’m really bubbly in the morning. but i also get really affectionate and just cling to everyone.

24: is there someone out there you would trust with every single one of your secrets?

not every one of them, but most of them yeah sure !!

26: what are the shoes you've had for forever and wear with every single outfit?

i have these brown boots that are so cute and i have to wear them all the time.

28: sunrise or sunset?

both. i’m a sucker for pretty colored skies.

30: think of it: have you ever been truly scared?

uhm. i’ve had men catcall me while walking down the street at night and i thought they were gonna try and follow me home. i was really scared then. ive also had a total stranger make sexual advances towards me and i freaked out and went up to my room. i made my girlfriend at the time stay on skype with me because i was too scared to sleep alone.

32: tell us a story of something that happened to you after 3AM when you were with friends.

everything that happens after 3am when im with my friends usually involves us being drunk so,,,, the usual drunken stories.

34: tell us about the stuffed animal you kept as a kid. what is it called? what does it look like? do you still keep it?

i do !! i keep my white teddy bear from when i got my tonsils out. his name is gilbert and i love him.

36: which band's sound would fit your mood right now?

i’m not sure ! maybe seafret.

38: tell us about your pet peeves!

i have so many but i really can’t stand people who lie. and i can’t handle people who are so snobbish they think it’ll ruin their aesthetic to be nice to people. just be nice.

40: think of a piece of jewelry you own: what's it's story? does it have any meaning to you?

i have this necklace that i wear quite often and i bought it one day at the mall with my friend. she bought one as well. so now we both have matching necklaces.

42: do you have a favorite coffee shop? describe it!

i don’t. i don’t really go to coffee shops. but the froyo place next door to my work has some decent coffee !!

44: when was the last time you remember feeling completely serene and at peace with everything?

uhm. it was the last time i did yoga. afterwards i felt so relaxed and mellow it was incredible.

46: tell us the worst pun you can think of.

i always use this one on my coworkers and i swear they want to hit me every time. what do the french call a really horrible thursday ??? a trajeudi.

48: what was your biggest fear as a kid? is it the same today?

all my fears are pretty much the same. spiders, crocodiles / alligators, open water, abandonment, etc.

50: what's an odd thing you collect?

i have a bunch of glass soda bottles ??

52: what are your favorite memes of the year so far?

I LIKE THE ONES OF PEOPLE LIKE DANCING THRU SPACE TO THAT MUSIC

54: who's the last person you saw with a true look of sadness on their face?

i’m not actually sure ?? i mean my friend was pretty sad today when i went to give a high five and then dabbed instead.

56: what are some things you find endearing in people?

endearing ?? i don’t know. i love people who are kind. people who believe that this world can still turn itself around and believe that there are good people still. idk.

58: who's the wine mom and who's the vodka aunt in your group of friends? why?

i’m probably the wine mom. i’m such a Mom Friend and i always want wine. maybe my friend kylie would be vodka aunt ?? i’m not sure. none of them really drink a whole lot of vodka.

60: do you like poetry? what are some of your faves?

i honestly,,, i’m so indifferent to poetry. but it’s for my own reasons.

62: do you drink juice in the morning? which kind?

i like orange juice !! apple juice too !!

64: what color is the sky where you are right now?

its blue !!

66: what would your ideal flower crown look like?

lots of purple and browns.

68: what's winter like where you live?

it used to be brutal. i live up north so we’ve gotten like 3 feet of snow before. but anymore, it’s just dead and cold.

70: have you ever used a ouija board?

NO. DONT FUCK WITH OUIJA BOARDS MAN.

72: are you a person who needs to note everything down or else you'll forget it?

yes. my notes on my phone are just full of random crap.

74: describe a good friend of yours without using their name or gendered pronouns.

absolutely stellar. they’ve been with me through so much and are always there if i need a shoulder to cry on. they understand me on levels that not a whole lot of people do and we’ve grown so much together, they’re family.

76: is there anything you should be doing right now but aren't?

nope !! i’m completely task free for the rest of the day !!

78: are you in the minion hateclub or fanclub?

i hate minions. god. they annoy the shit out of me.

80: what color are your bedroom walls? did you choose that color? if so, why?

they’re like a greenish color. like eggshell green. but no, it was like that when i moved in and i’ve never been allowed to change it bc we’re renting the house.

82: are/were you good in school?

no, i wasn’t. not public school. homeschool, yes. i just hated homework. it had nothing to do with my intelligence.

84: are you planning on getting tattoos? which ones?

i want to get “etre en harmonie avec votre vie” tattooed on my arm somewhere.

86: do you like concept albums? which ones?

i’m not sure tbh.

88: are there any artistic movements you particularly enjoy?

uh again, not sure.

90: talk about your one of you favorite cities.

one of my favorite cities omg,,,, either paris or marseille or aix-en provence. i just am so in love with the art, the culture, the food, the architecture. all of it.

92: are you a person who drowns their pasta in cheese or a person who barely sprinkles a pinch?

i’m kinda a happy medium. not too much, but enough to actually taste it.

94: who was the last person you know to have a birthday?

my friend, aaron.

96: do you install your computer updates really quickly or do you procrastinate on them a lot?

i’m a big computer geek. i like to make sure my baby is all up to date on software and usually just do them at night before bed.

98: when's the last time you went hiking? did you enjoy it?

i don’t know !! it’s been so long !! but my mom invited me a couple days ago !!

100: if you were presented with two buttons, one that allows you to go 5 years into the past, the other 5 years into the future, which one would you press? why?

5 years into the future. i wasn’t happy in the past. 14 year old me was miserable and i wouldn’t ever want to go back to that.