#they’ve become nostalgic and a part of me doesn’t like that

[cleo-serotonin]

live footage of me thinking about rikma

[magicxc]

Slow Motion

Pairings: Kofi Siriboe x Black!Reader

Word Count: 1785

Warnings: fluff, fingering

A/N: This was LONG overdue lol. I never expected to take so much time on these drabbles, but in the end I've come to love ALL pieces involved with this "series." It was nostalgic, fun, and most importantly SPICY 🥵 I thought something light to wrap it all up was much needed, so do enjoy Kofi in all his tenderness.

BBJ Masterlist

Deeply inhaling, a crooked smile dangles on the corner of my lips as the soft scent adds to the cozy atmosphere. There’s notes of lavender and frankincense that linger, almost lulling me to a peaceful sleep. The diffuser on the countertop spills Eucalyptus oil into the damp air, the harmony of aromas relaxingly pleasant.

Candles line the bathroom floor, all unscented, instead adding to the intimate vibes. The lights are dimmed, my only source of visibility is the flame of the fire flickering through the dark room, entranced as I watch them dance against the drywalls. 

The water is deliciously warm to the touch, almost too warm - it’s that scorching feeling that borders the line of pain, scared to submerge my body entirely as some parts are more sensitive than others. The longer I sit here, the more my body adjusts to the scoiling temperature and I slowly inch my way down until I'm chin deep into the bath. The epsom salt is crunchy against my legs, the textures oddly satisfying as I rub against them until they disintegrate.

Bubbles filled to the brim, they’ve become this fun distraction as opposed to the serene scene Kofi intended them to be. And while it is captivating, I find it a lot more entertaining. I’ve found myself blowing them, splashing them, and even molding them to my desire.

“Aren’t you supposed to be relaxing?”

“This is relaxing,” I giggled.

Slipping in behind me, Kofi gently submerges himself into the bath, his added body heat making me even hotter; and I don't mean in temperature. Hands crawling to my shoulders, he begins to massage them, his fingers working out the stress from earlier today. Firmly caressing his digits into my shoulder blades, my groans hint at which spots need the most attention; growing louder every time he rubs the flesh just right.

“What's got my pretty girl so stressed out?”

“Baby, I swear I love my job and I wouldn’t trade it for the world, but sometimes it gets tiresome carrying the workload.”

“Do you think the workload is too heavy? That maybe you need a few days off?” he suggested.

“No it’s not that, ow-”

“Sorry, was that too much?”

“Mhmm”

As nimble as his fingers may be, Kofi for sure knows how to use them. They rub and dig and knead in the best ways, but sometimes his hold can carry a bit too much pressure. Intent on massaging out the knot, sometimes he doesn’t realise that his once firm touch can easily pass over to discomfort. Kissing along my temple, he promises to go softer, eagerly getting back to the topic at hand.

“So if it’s not your workload that's bothering you, it must be something else? It sounds more like you’re carrying the team.”

“I don’t mind stepping in when I need to.” 

“How do your shoulders feel beautiful? They’re sagging and the knot is gone.”

“Great,” I sigh. “I feel like I can bench press 70 pounds.”

“Oh yeah,” he chuckled. “Lemme see how I can get that number to 80.”

Laughing, he stops massaging my shoulders to which I whine in protest. A kiss to my lips effectively stops me in my tracks, Kofi assuring me that my night is far from finished. Reaching over to the shelf beside us, I hadn’t realised how he stocked it in preparation. He has a little of everything, unsure of which direction this night will take us. There’s face masks, oils, wine bottles, a lighter, bath bombs, rosemary, and a few other things I don't get the chance to linger on. 

“Do you trust me?”

“With my life,” I breathed.

“Good, no questions moving forward please. I just need you to let go.”

Grabbing a cup from the shelf, he dips it below the water, filling it to the brim.

“What’s that for?”

“Didn’t I just say no questions?”

“But-”

“Aht”

“All I want -”

“Don’t even, now close your eyes.”

Emptying the cup over my head, I dramatically blow out the excess spittle of water, mostly because I didn’t expect it. And of course Kofi wouldn't explain things either, interrupting me every time I decided to inquire further. He repeats this two more times, until my hair and face are fully drenched. The water is a little hotter than room temperature now, so the sensitivity of my scalp welcomes the warm downpour.

His hands reach for the shampoo next to us and my mouth forms an “O” at where this is going, deciding to just sit back and let Kofi do his thing before my endless questions ruin what he’s attempting. Pouring the thick goop into his hands, he rubs them together before delving his fingers into my hair. 

My curls are easily tangled when wet, so I watch as he does the five finger method, carefully running his hand through each section of hair before scooping it all together. Once he successfully detangles my head, Kofi goes on to rub his fingers sturdily against my scalp, focusing more so on massaging it as opposed to washing my tresses.

“Mhmmmmyy goshhh, baby this feels AMAZING. I should let you help out on wash day more often.”

“So you can tire my hands out? I don’t think so,” he jokes. 

“We can split the chores, you wash and I style.”

“Let me marinate on that for a bit. What I really want to know is why you’ve been working yourself to the point of exhaustion?”

“Because unnmpph, right at the base please.”

“Down here?” he asks, working his thumbs toward the back of my head.

“Yes, thank you! And I guess it’s because I didn’t see how ragged I was running my body. One offer turns into an expectation and before I know it, I’ve effectively taken on the job description of at least three other people.”

“Mhmm,” he hums. “I love your willingness to help gorgeous, but to put it simply, those motherfuckers do not care. Takers never get tired of taking, but givers do get tired of giving. You’ll give the literal clothes off your back if you have to and trust me they’ll take it without question.”

A comfortable silence falls between us, one where I get a moment's clarity. A moment where the rose colored lens shift ever so slightly. When something becomes my passion I won’t hesitate to see it through, but what I haven’t seen is how quick people are to take advantage of that drive. I can love my job and still set boundaries, and it’s a shame it took me putting my body through so much to see that.

Thankfully Kofi is gentle with me. Kind enough to point out where I went wrong without ever making me feel bad for my actions; only encouraging me to learn from my mistakes from this point on. And if I can get this type of treatment every time I mess up, I may have to mess up more often.

Rinsing through my hair, he conditions it all the same, fingers actively kneading the tension away. Eyelids fluttering close, I embrace his gentle touch and allow my body to just be. To feel his hand against my skin and the warmth of the water. To smell the arrangement of scents that linger in the air. To listen to the flickering of the flames from the candles. To watch the bubbles bounce around the tub with each movement. I try my best to take it all in - relax my mind, still the whirlwind of thoughts, and allow myself to be present - the bullshit of the world forgotten. 

Before I know it Kofi rinses out my hair once more, the worries of this week sliding down my shoulders. Leaning into his chest, the steady rhythm of his heartbeat becomes my own personal ballad; interrupted by the rumbling of his chest as he asks how I’m feeling.

“I’ve given it a lot of thought babe and you’re right, those motherfuckers do not care.”

Agreeing, we talk a little about setting boundaries, but most importantly working my wage. Fingers delicately cradled against my cheeks, he presses his lips to mine, so soft I barely feel it. His minty breath fans against my face and I close my eyes while his forehead rests against mine, the two of us reveling in the ambiance of the night. 

“I see that you’re tired, but do you think you can do one more thing for me pretty?”

“Mhmmm.”

“Go ahead and spread your legs.”

Eyes shooting open, it’s the vulgarity of his words that throw me off. Kofi and I are no stranger to hot sex, but every time I hear how filthy he can get, it sends a wave of heat throughout my body.

“What all do you have planned tonight exactly?”

“I thought we agreed no questions. The only time I wanna see your mouth open again is when I'm putting my dick to the back of it. Now be real good for me and open up.”

The retort is on the literal tip of my tongue, just itching to jump over the edge, excited to see where another “mishap” can land me. But Kofi’s worked so hard to make this night special, so it’s only right that I see things through the way he intended. 

“Good girl,” he praises, fingers resting on my clit. “Stay just like this for me.”

Straight to the point Kofi starts to gently rub on the nub, my skin between his teeth adding to what already feels ethereal. His other hand reaches up to my breast, tweaking the nipples to attention; and my arms fly to the edge of the tub, needing to grab onto anything for stability. 

“Im just getting started,” he kissed. “I just need you to hold out for a little while longer, yeah?”

“Uhnnn ye- yeah.”

Hips bucking into his fingers, I throw my head onto Kofi’s shoulder to ride out the sensations, my breathing growing ragged as he cranes his head forward to slip my nipple into his mouth.  

“Not yet.”

“Babyyyyyyy, I can’t hold out for much longer.”

“You wont need to, I promise.”

Fingers swiftly rubbing over my clit, my hips continue snapping into his expert fingers, thighs shaking the water out the tub. His tongue swirls around my nipple, warm and electrifying. Hands gripping the tub, I beg Kofi to let me cum, relief washing over me as he finally does. 

“It’s true that takers never get tired of taking, and on some level I can relate, because I’m gonna take every last drop your body has to offer,” he promised. “So be extra good for me, and give me one more pretty.”

[winnower-winnower]

Xivu Arath and Savathun really do just destroy me. The dynamic they have..

What truly kills me about them, and with oryx as well, is that despite what they’ve become, the sheer mass of years and experiences they’ve accumulated, smiles and wounds all around, they never feel like they’ve lost the core of their sibling-hood. I believe Oryx said it best when he reflected upon it:

“Oryx looks at her and for a moment, just a moment, he is nostalgic, he is sentimental. He thinks, imagine the years behind us, the things we’ve done. And yet being old doesn’t feel like a scar, does it? It hasn’t left me dull. I feel alive, alive with you, and every time I step back into this world from my throne I feel like I’m two years old again, at the bottom of the universe, looking up.”

Their character arcs revolving almost entirely around their siblinghood crushes me. They are written in such a way that like, yeah they’re huge incomprehensibly old and powerful “we clap and a star dies” figures, but they’re also still two years old, running off on adventures and smiling and laughing and rough-housing and pondering together. I think it’s beautiful that this dynamic never really goes away. Very little about how they regarded each other changed, godlike powers or no.

Until Oryx died. (Perhaps even earlier, when they all parted ways for a bit. I like to think they still visited one another with echoes every now and then). I also am not sure how much was actually covered in game about specifically Sav and Xivu’s reactions to his death. If there was I’d love to go read up on it if anyone knows where to find it!

That being said, I just. The death of a sibling, an older sibling, someone who you have galavanted across the universe with for longer than some galaxies and star systems have existed, what a shattering thing that would be. I’m a middle sibling myself, and Savathun’s perspective on that matter does intrigue me, but it’s Xivu Arath who I am most drawn to in this matter.

The death of her eldest sibling, her brother Oryx. We have an entire journal entry from her perspective in the books of sorrow that details the level of love and respect she had for him. I can imagine what kind of grief his loss would entail. Wavering, even if just for a moment, beneath the weight of this new truth to the universe, that oryx would not be present for the end of this great journey they started together. To see just how far the rolling strength of the hive, his family, could reach.

And then a further shattering, with Savathun’s betrayal, Xivu Arath is left alone. Completely, totally, alone. The youngest of the oldest gods, the youngest of the most fearsome gods. The most fearsome of the gods, because she is the last of them? Angry angry youngest child outlook on life, it must come through when Xivu comes to properly take the stage in the coming narrative. I want to see so, so much from her gosh.

Need that Xivu and Sav conversation on the current state of affairs, on the loss of a brother and a loss of a sister (for both, respectively) immediately. Angry and seething and oh, so sibling like of them.

[glitchingshot]

Incoming rant about overwatch Kiriko LOL

Not to be a downer but I really fucking hate Kiriko 😭 Specifically in the lore cuz in game she’s whatever but god I can’t stand her lore. Not only does her story contradict and ruin the shimadas story/timeline, but overall she feels like such a wattpad oc. Blizzard really couldn’t be creative enough to create an interesting character that’s related to the shimadas without being an exact copy of them. Of course she’s a ninja and can fight exactly like the brothers, obviously she needs a spirit fox that somehow is (lore wise) even stronger than the dragons.

Absolutely hate that overwatch broke their one rule of “No magic” with Kiriko. The dragons have been stated before to be some type to technology, why couldn’t they do the same with her? At least with zenyatta Ow has come out to state that his abilities aren’t canon to the lore, the same could’ve been stated with Kirikos magic healing and teleport but instead THEY’RE ACTUALLY CANON. It would’ve been cooler if her fox was some kind of omnic, like it was built as a robotic pet but got a conscience and acted kinda like bastion. It could’ve been so interesting to see less humanoid robots become omnics. But instead blizzard had to scramble to explain why this random girl would have a powerful fox spirit.

I also can’t stand that sojiros reveal, something we’ve been waiting for since the dragons cinematic, is shown through kirikos dumbass story. You’re meaning to tell me that the majority/only times we’ve seen sojiro AND get lore from him is through kiriko? Not even through his two fucking sons. It would’ve been a thousand times more impactful through a flashback of hanzo or genji but it’s instead by someone that isn’t even a part of the family. Adding on top of that, like I said before, we’ve gotten the most lore of sojiro THROUGH KIRIKO. Him telling her that silly story of protecting the city is the most we’ve gotten from him and it wasn’t even from his sons.

Last thing I’ll mention is how much I dislike how they’ve handled her relationship with the brothers. Sure, it makes sense that genji would try to be her friend but I highly doubt hanzo would care lol. And even if he did it feels like such a stretch that they’d see her as a niece; I mean did her mother really bring her that often to a yakuza castle? I’m more lenient on that tho because it could’ve just been that they saw her as a niece because they saw her mom as kinda a mother figure to them. What really frustrates me is her interactions with the brothers now. Not one voice line with genji about how she’s missed him cuz she though he was DEAD? We don’t even know is she knows he survived hanzos attack, but yea instead of giving them meaningful interactions it’s just silly jokes. Not to mention hanzo, where the only voice line she’s directly mean to him is because he isn’t fighting for Hanamura 💀. I was hoping she’d be rude towards him because of what he did but she barely is. There’s only one voice line related to hanzo hurting genji and it can easily be interpreted as her being playful, it’s only if you squint that it seems passive aggressive. And out of all the things she’s mad at hanzo for it’s for not helping against the Hashimoto? As if that’s his problem lmao. Hanzo has no reason to fight for Hanamura; his only tie there is that he grew up there. And yea that’d make him look like even more of an ass but that place is riddled with awful memories, why would he want to go back? I know he’s nostalgic and has stated to miss hanamura but there’s a reason he’d only go back for genjis yearly prayer lol. It just seems so silly to me that she’d guilt hanzo for not helping her as if it’s his fault/problem. Sure the Hashimoto are a threat and should be dealt with but she doesn’t even know if he has other things to fight for. It’s disappointing because she could’ve been an unbiased opinion between the brothers conflict but they do nothing with her. To add on to that it genuinely feels like she adored/glorifies the shimada clan, which brings its own load of problems 😭

Sorry for the long rant LOL I didn’t want to make it too long but everything about kiriko frustrates me. There’s absolutely nothing I like about her lore even though she had so much potential to be an interesting character. And anytime they release stuff about her it just feels like I’m the only one that doesn’t like her story 😭. It’s fine if you like her personality but it seems like everyone fully enjoys her and I just don’t get why; besides the fact she brings shimada lore. ALSO sorry again if this is so random, I barely post anyway, but ow has been special to me for years and I’ve withstood a ton but Kiriko just crosses the line for me. All the characters have at least one thing you can enjoy from them but Kiriko sure as hell doesn’t for me.

[lunarticxenia]

Moon Signs Pt. 1

My take on moon signs based off people I know! Now personally, I tend to have more strong opinions on my favorite moon signs than favorite sun signs. I feel like moon signs really indicate more about a person’s personality than their sun sign, imo. It does rule emotions and behavior after all. With sun signs I struggle with picking favorites because I do genuinely have people I like of every zodiac sign. I just go by the number of people I like from each zodiac sign. Anyhoo, here’s my view on each moon sign! 

Note: These are p long bc I have such strong thoughts on moon signs so I’m splitting it into two parts. :) 

🍂 Aries Moon: Ahhh, my moon sign. I won’t be biased though, I promise. So Aries moons based off other people I know is that we low-key got anger issues LMAO. Every single Aries moon I’ve met besides myself has anger issues, with the exception of one person and she still gets irritated easily. Aries Moons are also extremely sensitive, and they tend to be overlooked for that since they’re fire signs. I’ve found that a lot of what they get angry about has to do with their feelings, if they feel they’ve been wronged this really can make them angry as they are super sensitive. They also get angry when they feel like people aren’t listening to them, as they take this very personally. I’ve also noticed that Aries moons are EXTREMELY honest, they will tell it how it is and they are extremely blunt. They don’t like to beat around the bush, and they are very direct with how they feel about something. Aries moons are also extremely passionate and spontaneous especially in relationships; they’re the ones who wanna kiss in the rain and ride horses into the sunset, that is if you can get them to settle down with you LMAO. Nah all jokes, they’re picky about who they want, but once they really fall for someone it’s very hard for them to let go. They’re also so competitive, they will play dirty. My grandpa used to let me win in checkers as a kid, my dad (who’s an Aries moon) NEVER let me win. He said me losing would help build character LMFAO. He just didn’t wanna lose.They also have strong personalities and can be SUPER impulsive. Also, if they wanna do something, they WILL do it. No one is gonna stop them. If they wanna go somewhere at 3am, they’re doing it. Sorry. You can’t stop them. LMAO. Aries moons also love to be in touch with their inner child, my dad is an Aries moon and bought himself an arcade machine out of nowhere LMAO. I also like to collect shells and watch Disney movies to remind me of my childhood. They also tend to change their views and opinions on things a lot, and mind you they have intense emotions about these things. So it can be hard to keep up w them. 

🍂 Taurus Moon: Taurus moons are just so calm, it’s scary LMAO. I know a few of them, and even if they’re anxious about something you can never tell. They always have this calm demeanor and just seem so unbothered by everything. Taurus moons also LOVE money and the finer things in life. The male Taurus moons I know work a lot just so they can have a lot of money. One of them literally said to me “Money talks” after explaining to me why they work 7 days a week, 12 hours a day doing two jobs. The crazy thing is, despite doing all that extra work, he just seemed so unbothered about it LMAO. The female Taurus moons I know tend to love really expensive clothes and dressing up. This Taurus moon I work with has such nice clothes and always dresses like she’s on a Vogue cover. Like I said, Taurus moons LOVE money and the finer things in life like expensive clothes. If they aren’t the types to dress up or be workaholics, they desire comfort. They would rather lay in bed and take hot bathes than be bothered to do all that extra stuff. They also might like to eat out at expensive restaurants, and are “foodies”. They also might be big lovers of music and have lots of different music tastes. Also, Taurus moons? STUBBORN. Good luck trying to get them to change their mind on something. Also, despite them wanting all the luxuries and comfort of life, they are SUPER grounded. They do not live in a dream world, they see life for what it is, and prefer to be on the ground than have their heads in the clouds. Also, Taurus moons, I’m sorry, but y’all can be lazy. I work with three of them, and they can be lazy. They will not do more than the bare minimum. Also, their anger is low-key scary. Especially since it can come out of nowhere since they’re calm all the time, you never know when they’re angry and if you catch them at the wrong time... well, rip. They also tend to be introverted- even if they’re social, you will not know anything about them unless you’re besties with them or related to them. Doesn’t matter how well you know them, they don’t air their dirty laundry and keep their private life private. Also one last thing, omg these people sing all the time. They love singing to themselves, every single one I’ve met does that LMAO. Anyway, love my Taurus moons. 

🍂 Gemini Moon: Gemini moons love to make people laugh LMAO and love to just sit down and have good talks with people. Their minds NEVER stop working. Good luck trying to get them to stop talking once they know you. They can and will talk about anything for hours. Now, I do admire that, but sometimes I just wanna relax and they won’t stop talking to me LMFAO. My dad’s girlfriend is a Gemini moon and at family gatherings she loves to dance around and try to get everyone else to dance. I find that Gemini moons are very active and love to move around, and try to get everyone to have fun. Definitely the life of the party. They’re super amusing and also love to tell jokes and funny stories. Now not all of them are extroverts especially if they have an earth sun sign. So that is something to consider. My cousin is a Gemini moon and tends to be more introverted, however, once she’s comfortable around someone and knows someone she’s super goofy and loves to make people laugh. Gemini moons also love to learn, they’re always teaching themselves about something. My cousin who’s a Gemini moon just randomly started teaching herself how to do sign language (she’s good at it also)! These people are also SUPER adaptable, they can get along with any kind of personality and can adapt to any situation. I’ve also noticed that they love to playfully roast people and annoy them LMAO. I have noticed that they struggle with reading the room, they tend to just continue to annoy someone and can take it too far, which can get kind of annoying. They’re also extremely curious and are always asking questions. They love to ask random questions without any context. It’s a quirk a lot of them have. Trying to tell a story to them can be frustrating because if you mention certain terms they’ll ask you what they mean LMFAO. My dad was telling a story about how he used surfing to explain physics concepts in class and his girlfriend asked what the concepts were and what they mean. Also, they’re really good at giving advice. These people would make great psychologists imo. This girl I used to talk to (who’s a Gemini moon) actually is becoming a psychologist, so there you go LMAO. 

🍂Cancer Moon: Oh Cancer moons...you guys are so sensitive. They feel everything and anything. I haven’t met a Cancer moon that isn’t an empath. They are extremely good at reading other people and sensing their motives. My mother is a Cancer moon, and she’s always been able to tell who’s toxic in my life. She doesn’t even have to meet them either, just based off of stories I tell her, she can pick it up right away. Now, everyone always says Cancer moons are super close with their family and that’s definitely not always the case. The Cancer moons I’ve met have actually had a lot of problems with their family. Now the thing that I’ve noticed with these placements is that despite how toxic their family is, they always stick by them. Even if they’re not close. So I wouldn’t say they’re all super close with their families, but they always stick up for them, which can be an issue if their family is toxic. Also, Cancer moons, SUPER MOODY. I’m sorry but like I’m a Cancer sun and they’re ten times more moody than I am LMFAO. I’ve always said they act more like the stereotypical Cancer than Cancer suns. Also, this is a super underrated placement for humor. Every Cancer moon I’ve met has been super funny. Also, a super underrated placement for anger issues. Everyone says oh yeah Aries moons have anger issues, like yes, BUT HAVE YOU GUYS SEEN CANCER MOON ANGER?! Y’all Taylor Swift is a Cancer moon and wrote a whole album about how fed up she was about the media mistreating her and the whole Kimye thing (rightfully so) but y’all see my point. They can and will fight you. They also tend to be introverted, even if they’re social, (which I rarely see), they would much rather keep to themselves. I’ve also noticed that they’re very nostalgic a lot. My Cancer moon ex used to just randomly go through childhood photos and would show them to me. They’re also EXTREMELY protective over people they love, they will KILL for the people they love. They also love to talk about their dream homes and interior decorating a lot? My Cancer moon ex was OBSESSED with coming up with his dream house and would literally draw out diagrams for me to see. My mother too, she wants to redecorate her apartment and was showing me all the potential furniture that was gonna be put in. Oh Cancer moons, LMAO. 

🍂 Leo Moon: Oh Leo moons. You guys can be so dramatic LMAO. Every Leo moon I’ve met is so dramatic; these are the types of people who get up and move around when telling a story and also do dramatic hand gestures. These are the types of people who post a black screen in middle school on Snapchat saying “Don’t hmu.” LMAO. My Leo moon friend gets so mad when I make that joke, but it’s so true. These people are also naturally super creative, the Leo moons I know love to decorate and draw. Even if they don’t do any outright creative hobbies, they have a creative streak to them. It’s weird though because despite them being very dramatic when it comes to them being angry, they struggle with expressing their personal problems to other people. (This however can be changed with other placements, but I’ve found this to be true in many cases). They don’t want people to think that they’re weak, so they put up a tough front to hide that they’re hurting. Also, Leo moons, are indeed the hype friends. My Leo moon friends gas up my Instagram posts so much. They’re also extremely loyal and don’t like to leave people out, they hate that kind of shit. They’re also extremely accepting of others, my Leo moon friend was the first person I came out to, and they accepted me right away. They also love to take pictures of EVERYTHING. Like when you go out with them, they will make you wait before eating your food so they can take video of your food together LMAO. They love to capture every moment, I personally find it very endearing. Also, a lot of people say Leo moons are super cocky. I don’t find this to be true. They can come off that way, but I’ve found they tend to actually be pretty insecure and they try to hide it by coming off as confident. I feel like Leo moons tend to put on a show a lot to hide how they truly feel, which makes it hard to get to know them. It makes me sad because they truly are such kind hearted people and all they want is to feel validation. I also found that they love to go above and beyond to make sure everyone else is happy and tend to put themselves last. I wish y’all didn’t do that, you deserve to be happy too. ;( 

🍂 Virgo Moon: Workaholics. That’s how I’m starting this LMAO. My friend is a Virgo moon and works her ass off. She goes above and beyond in school for starters. For this anatomy course we had together, she sent me a whole diagram she made of the human brain on Notability and it was so intricately made. She also works her ass off at her job and takes care of her siblings. I feel like this falls into Virgo placements putting others before themselves. Virgo moons are definitely the types to be like this. They want to make everyone happy and they want to feel useful so they do all these extra things to feel that way. Virgo moons are also super smart, and have the best study methods. Low-key jealous. They have this incredible drive and are always on top of things and have a routine. Also Virgo moons LOVE animals. My friend who’s a Virgo moon, works at a dog sitting business and has 6 pets at home. They LOVE animals. They also like honesty and bluntness; they will provide you with that as well. They don’t like beating around the bush or lying to make other people feel better. You wanna know if you look bad in a dress? Ask a Virgo moon, LMFAO. I’ve also found that they struggle with wanting to be perfect all the time, and struggle with anxiety. As I said, they want to be the best at everything, and this can be a big source of anxiety for them. These people also find themselves attracting people who they want to “fix”. They also give amazing advice and are super reliable. Also, last minute plans? They HATE them. Want a Virgo moon to hate you? Try making spontaneous plans with them LMAO. Virgo moons also have great memories; they’ll remember every little detail about you. Also Virgo moons are the types to take charge in a group project and run the whole thing because they don’t trust anyone. Virgo moons also always appear to be calm and collected, even though many of them frequently deal with anxiety a lot. Also, they’re low-key underrated for humor. They have a very dry and self-deprecating sense of humor LMAO. They also go above and beyond in relationships because they enjoy seeing the people they love being happy. 

Anyhoo, this wraps up part one!  Also these are just my opinions, so don’t get offended I tried to praise and drag all of them equally <3 

Part 2 here. 

[ashasdramadrawer]

What If rant

What If has just been weird.

It really IS bad fanfic. While I dislike how Mary Sue is a meaningless phrase- it sounds like they used Captain Carter as a sort of Possession Sue: she’s an author avatar and we’re seeing how she could do So Much Better than Steve. Including saving the universe, demanding her happy ending, etc. Peggy is a frustrating character in how she’s basically a sort of ‘not like the other girls’ character that happens when you’re in high school, absorbed a lot of misogyny from the people around you, are not performing femininity as well as others and are being punished for it by society. You hit that stage and have absolutely not no theory of mind- the ability to understand that other girls have just as much of an inner life as you do, and that they struggle with the same things. And yeah, some are bullies and assholes, but wanting to be one of the boys does not make you inherently better.

Now, here’s the thing- all comic book characters are wish fulfillment to a certain extent. There’s no reason that we can’t have a character like Carter- except that we sorta do. Her name is Captain Marvel. And she’s being ignored.

I think part of that issue is because Brie Lawson pissed off the dudebros. And she’s got more upcoming movies. So they probably don’t feel they have to promote her as much. But there are plenty of other female characters the What If stories could focus on instead of trying to literally have a woman possess Captain America and do the whole ‘backwards and in high heels thing’. If they’re going to do it, they didn’t have to make her a tank. She was a spy. She should still have a spy’s ethos. She was never Steve Rogers, she didn’t come from his background, and worldview is always influenced by things like race, class and gender.

But there’s more to how boring What If has been.

They’ve taken no risks whatsoever. The role swap AU is a staple of fanfic, and been done so much better by fanfic writers. Starlord T’Challa is cute and we enjoyed it. But some things, like a redeemed Thanos, was just weird. The story refuses to acknowledge that Thanos was just WRONG and bad and failed his test of character (come on, that was what the soul stone should have been- the person you love the most is yourself. The willingness to sacrifice YOURSELF is like storytelling 101 here) and should not have even gotten the soul stone at all.

The zombie plot was basic, same with the story of Hank Pym killing the Avengers. All of them involved manpain and were pretty ridiculous. Peggy becoming Captain Carter was more of the same. Party Thor was funny but again, nothing groundbreaking or new. And all we have with Peggy as Cap is an attempt to reinforce the steggy ship by literally rubbing off all of the so-called romantic parts of their story from TFA and replacing it with stucky scenes.

And that? That’s fanfic 101. You pop off a trait from a character you don’t like but think is cool and give it to someone else. Iron Man with Cap’s shield, Cap in Iron Man’s armor, Iron Man somehow being better than Shuri when it comes to smarts. But all it does, instead of trying explore a character, is try to prop them up by hurting other characters.

It’s not asking the question “What If”. It’s trying to replace a character by importing the coolness of another and plastering it onto another.

I date myself but... my head is pasted on yay

I saw this on twitter last night, but someone brought up a good point. Disney doesn’t really want Sam Wilson as Cap, with all the uncomfortable implications and stories that comes with it. Peggy as Cap is safer, nostalgic, and lets them keep a white person in that role. And it really freaks me out.

[eponymous-rose]

Talks Machina Highlights - Critical Role C2E123 (Feb. 2, 2021)

After last week’s thoroughly relaxing and brief episode, tonight’s guests are Sam Riegel and Liam O’Brien!

Brian, to Sam: “You look like Tim Curry moved to Nantucket to become a sommelier.”

How did Caleb and Veth approach the ally-ship with the Tombtakers? Sam: “I mean, we got some information, and I think we got a little closer to Lucien and knowing whether he has any of Mollymauk inside of him, which is I think the most important knowledge that we’re seeking right now. Is there someone to be saved inside there? We got glimpses, and we got a little hint that Mollymauk is maybe still in there? Maybe? And we got a little more insight into their plans, so that was useful.” Liam: “We know why we were having that fucking dream.” Sam: “But other than that, it was just a road trip with assholes.” Liam: “All our plans have been ripped in a new direction, and it’s just been improvisation.” Sam notes that it feels like we’re always about to rip into Caleb’s backstory, but haven’t yet followed that thread all the way through. Liam: “It’s partially frustrating, to be sure, but also I like the idea that-- his whole shit has been selfish, it’s been dealing with the trauma that he’s been through and not the greater world, and that’s been shifting somewhat.”

Does Caleb think the book was worth it, and is he still interested in reading more? Sam: “How do you ask Caleb not to read a book?” Liam: “Caleb has spent enough time with the Nein to know you shouldn’t put a hand on a hot stove. After what happened with the book, he knows it’s a terrible idea. But maybe. But it’s a really bad idea. But reserve judgment, but it’s a really terrible idea. I think that Caleb is very aware that mages and people like him very easily fall prey to their curiosity and it can lead to bad places. But there is still that amount of scientific endeavor where you think there is value in knowing and learning, and maybe we can ride that line. He was True Neutral at the start of the campaign, and maybe he’s Chaotic Good now, but part of him is hubris, even if it’s a little bit, still.”

What about Otis has drawn Veth’s focus? Sam: “I mean, he’s a little shit. She was curious about Otis because he’s a small like she is, and in talking to him, he seemed to be real creepy, but he was just creepy and distant and didn’t value his past or family or anything like that. She sees someone who’s like her, but so not like her, and maybe that scares her a little bit more.”

How does Caleb feel about Beau being on this ride with him? Liam: “The dream is another example of how Caleb had very narrow vision of the things he wanted to do. It used to seem so massive to him, but now... To have Beauregard involved feels right. If anyone in the group is going to stop him from grabbing something he shouldn’t, it is probably Beauregard. She’ll punch him in the fucking face to stop him, which I think he needs, to a certain extent. They’re two different kinds of nerds, and I kind of like that, that this group of nine philosophers, they’ve reached out and somehow grabbed the two nerds in the party.”

How do Caleb and Veth see the Somnovum? Sam: “I mean, they seem real bad. Anything that’s a quorum of powerful entities heading towards your planet to unleash an energy of any kind, typically bad? I assume they’re bad, or at least the Tombtakers wish them to do ill.” Liam: “I think they want the kind of peace that comes from snapping your fingers and turning people to dust. Caleb sees them as a cautionary tale; they’re the worst-case scenario for arcane inquisitiveness.” He sees Allura Vysoren as the antidote to that.

Why the staunch refusal to use Halfling Luck? Sam: “I don’t like Luck! I just don’t like Luck. I think it’s cheap, I think it’s a cheat, I think it’s stupid. It just feels like a do-over.” Liam: “I am your antithesis! If I ever voice a halfling, I am going to hammer that feature!” Sam: “What I love about D&D is that you don’t know what’s going to happen. If you roll bad, okay, that’s it. If you roll well, it makes the success more enjoyable to know that it’s a pure success and don’t one where you’re like well actually... it’s so stupid. If someone was about to die, I would probably use the fuckin’ Luck feature. Well. It depends who. If it was Travis, yeah, no, he’s fucked, sorry.”

Liam drops that he’s picked Sam’s character class and race again for a hypothetical campaign three. Sam: “It’s not what I was thinking for future characters, but I’m excited to explore.”

Cosplay of the Week: an amazing Mollymauk by KatofValkyrie!

What was it like to bring the Tombtakers into the tower? Liam: “It is complicated, because he does not like him. Lucien’s just a fucking dick. But Caleb also knows that Molly’s in there somewhere. That tower’s only for the M9, and Lucien’s not in the M9. Their situation with these people is shitty, it’s terrible. Caleb doesn’t feel like they have the upper hand. He doesn’t like that they’re even going on this journey per se, because life is bigger than his bullshit. He feels like they’ve been losing over and over again, so it was a gamble to try to get on equal footing.

What spurred Veth into making sure she and Yasha have some one-on-one time? Sam: “Yasha hasn’t been getting a lot of moments to shine. Now that she’s back, I just got the impression that Yasha feels out of place sometimes, or timid, or unsure of herself. When Veth was Nott, Nott certainly had her share of those moments. I think she sees a kindred spirit and wants to make sure that she’s been giving all the opportunity she can to flourish and thrive. Dani, you’re just laughing at my mustache, aren’t you?” Dani: “Yes, that’s the only thing I’m laughing at through this whole bullshit.” Sam denies all knowledge of trolling, but eventually admits, on the topic of Yasha and Beau getting together: “They’ve made me wait this long... I’m going to make them wait a little bit longer!”

What was it like to show his friends the upper floors? Liam: “I kinda expected somebody to sneak up there before that. That being part of the tower is not even a conscious choice of his, it just is. The reason Caduceus has creeped Caleb out for a long time is because he talks about how-- Caduceus is a really kind person and wants Caleb to let go of the past. And in a really simplistic way, turn that frown upside-down. And that’s just not who Caleb is, and it’s not who everybody is. There is something to be said for trying to stay open and positivity, but thinking you can shut out the past, especially a traumatic one, is just not true. When things happen to us, we carry them. But to candy-coat it and say, ah, I’m free, or everything is good, or I’ve turned the corner... life is way messier than that. It’s not flipping a switch, it’s not bad-to-good, it is such a work in progress. Even when you make strides and start to get to a better place, you can backslide a lot. So the tower is who he is, and the tower is 7/9ths love for his friends, and 1/9th hope, but there’s still a percentage of him that carries everything from the past, and knows that he should, and knows that he should not go back to where he was. And the way to do that is not to say everything is rainbows, but to remember it. The tower is just like an extension of who he is. He’s never going to forget the past, and he’s never going to be like, I’m good, or I’ve turned a corner. He should remember the past, and he should do better, always.”

Does Veth still believe it’s possible to get Molly back? Sam: “Well, she was a person trapped in another body for many years, so has some experience there, and definitely believes that the spirit and soul of Molly is in there and just needs to be unlocked somehow.”

Fan Art of the Week: an amazing group shot by HarpySN!

How are Caleb and Veth dealing with their guilt and fear about being in the middle of this? Sam: “It definitely was a deep conversation that might have repercussions going forward. The problem with all of what we’re doing now is that we don’t have time to deal with our petty problems anymore. It’s all high tension all the time!” Liam: “It’s true; they’re not in control of their situation at all anymore.” Sam: “It’s good to have these check-ins, but it’s not like we can do anything about them. We’re reactive right now.” Liam: “He’s not happy with where they are, but they wouldn’t even be this far if the goblin hadn’t pulled him out of the mud. So part of it is, you saved me from where I was and got me on my feet again, and now it’s disconcerting to see it all just get knocked sideways by something he never could’ve predicted. I think Caleb felt nostalgic for when things were simpler, in a way, for them, when we’re both troubled drifters.”

What was it like to see Gelidon’s return? Liam: “I am the least superstitious person at the table. Ashley’s dice suck.” Sam: “It was fun fighting a dragon!” Liam: “Two massive battles in one episode, neither of which came away with a victory. I guess surviving is a victory.” Sam: “I’d forgotten about the dragon, honestly.” Liam: “I loved it. I was so upset at the idea that we were going to stealth and not get into it.”Sam: “Mercer doesn’t keep a live dragon around and not do something with it. That dragon’s coming back.”

How do Caleb and Veth feel about going to see Essek? Sam: “He can be very helpful, I believe, but as Sam Riegel, a player of D&D, I’m super suspicious. What the fuck is Essek doing up there, so close, now? I don’t trust him as far as I can throw him. And I can throw him pretty far because he floats.” Liam: “I 100% agree with you. I do not understand what Essek could bring to what we are going through. I know the audience loves him, I love him too. He’s a really cool character. But he’s fucking toxic. He out of curiosity caused a war between two nations. And Caleb has been changed for the good by the M9 from months of travel with them. Essek has had none of that. Caleb has changed for the good, but not because of people like Essek. Essek is where Caleb came from. We kept the lid on the pot during the whole treaty at sea and it almost all went fucking sideways, and only because we pressed him into a corner. I hope that guy finds some sort of balance and peace for himself, but I do not see how his input here would be helpful. There’s other heavy hitters that I would try to pull in.”

Liam notes that the Cloven Crystal is in the Bag of Holding. Sam: “Do I have Fluffernutter, or is Fluffernutter gone?” Liam: “Nope. 300 pounds of fireworks? Gone. A dead mage, a threshold crest, and fireworks.” Dani: “Your basic essentials.”

[ghostwise]

not a homecoming, but something like it

There are two men arguing in front of her home.

This is a nuisance, but not an uncommon one. Her neighbors are colorful and loud, so she’s used to people being in her way. Gente estorbosa. Normally she would’ve simply pushed past them to get to her gate. However, these are no neighbors of hers, and that makes her hesitate.

The two men are not speaking Antivan, but she knows enough languages to follow along, even with the street’s lively background chatter.

“This is a mistake,” one of them says.

“At least it’ll be in character, then,” the other replies.

Adelmar shifts the grocery basket on her hip, waiting. They’ll move on their own soon enough, she suspects. Or perhaps they’ll notice her and confront her for eavesdropping. Oh! Then they’d get an earful.

“I am being serious. Why would she remember me, hm?”

“You remember her.”

“That doesn’t mean anything—”

“I think it means more than you expected it to. I think that’s why you’re trying to back out at the last minute.”

Adelmar is not sure what the men are arguing about. She’d assumed their relationship to be contentious but now the shorter of the two steps close to his companion, looping an arm around his waist in an unmistakably supportive and affectionate gesture.

“If you really think this is a mistake, then let’s go, vhenan.”

Neither of them moves.

Adelmar clears her throat. Fascinating as the conversation is, she doesn’t have all day. She has dinner to get started, and her basket is getting heavy.

They turn to look at her, and she drops everything.

Tinned coffee and spices, parcels of lamb, and oranges, which roll out across the cobbled street.

“¿Zevran?” Adelmar’s voice is uncertain. She never expected to speak that name again, but those eyes and that hair…

“Zevran… Chivito. No puedo creerlo.”

The man Zevran is with has begun to pick up her groceries, although somewhat haphazardly, dropping one orange for every three he grabs. “You see?” he calls out, darting after a can and swiping it before it gets rolled over by a cart. “I knew she’d recognize you!”

And Zevran, the little boy she’d read stories to in the brothel, the same brown eyes, just taller, smiles at her like she’s singing a song and he’s in her lap again.

The scene, with all its noise and shouting in the background, and fruit rolling this way and that, feels briefly absurd. Is she imagining this? She has to make sure. She needs to just look at him. Stepping across a gap of decades (but it’s really only a few feet), she reaches for Zevran. She touches his face. Notices his tattoo. Frowns.

“Ay,” she murmurs, removing her hand. It is him.

He bursts out laughing.

“Qué gusto me da verte.”

Close by and with the biggest smile, Hamal Mahariel watches, holding the basket with all the groceries Adelmar has dropped.

It had come up in conversation, casually, a few days earlier. They had been investigating a mark, and Zevran, in the midst of planning and preparing, mentioned, “You know, I grew up near here.”

Hamal blinked. Sometimes he suspected that growing up meant something different for Zevran than it did for him. Did he mean he’d become a Crow here, just thirteen when he’d first killed?

When asked to clarify Zevran gestured at the map before them. He pointed a finger just a few centimeters from their present location.

“Rialto. I lived there before the Crows… acquired me.”

“Mm,” Hamal said, mulling it over. It was always a careful balance on his part to gauge whether it was alright to press for information, or better to let Zevran share at his own pace. But he was curious. Zevran seldom spoke of his early years.

“I’d love to see it, if you’re up to visiting,” he said finally.

“Perhaps. If we have time.” Zevran smiled warmly at him. “But really, amor, the place means very little to me. I have no childhood home, unless you count the brothel my mother worked at. I had no family. No friends. None that would remember me, anyway.”

Then why bring it up? Hamal wondered.

“Consider it a sentimental request from your husband,” he said.

Zevran rolled up the map quietly. He planted a quick kiss on Hamal’s cheek.

“That, I can do.”

  Adelmar’s home is small and welcoming, with a tiny patio separating the living area from the kitchen and washroom. Her husband is away for a few days. Her children, grown and gone. She has all the time in the world. She wants to hear everything.

“How did you find me?” she asks, looking at Zevran with wonder. A part of her still can’t believe he’s here.

“We happened to be in Rialto. I… asked around.”

“You went to El milagro,” Adelmar guesses.

Zevran gestures noncommittally.

“I haven’t been there for years and years. It feels like a lifetime ago. I’m surprised anyone remembered, or knew enough to send you my way,” she said. “I’m surprised you looked for me at all…”

Adelmar takes a deep breath. She’s stirring up memories—old thoughts and feelings, few of them pleasant, otherwise she would find it nostalgic.

Quickly, she catches herself and shakes off the gloom. She sets a hand on Zevran’s shoulder.

“But I’m glad you did. I really am so happy to see you. Look at how you’ve grown.”

“I wasn’t sure if I should come,” Zevran admits. “My husband convinced me. He’s nosy. It is why I keep him around.”

He chances a glance at Hamal, who is staying well out of the way. His Antivan still being rather rusty, he’s left Zevran and Adelmar to their conversation, and is currently helping chop vegetables for a stew.

“Well I’m glad for that,” Adelmar says, looking between the two men and beaming. Little Zevran—at her kitchen table and married no less!

“I never forgot you, Zevran,” she tells him. “If I had moved a little faster, saved a little more money, I would have left and brought you with me. You were so smart. You were always moving, running around, playing. In the end, it seems we both escaped to better circumstances,” she says finally, closing her eyes and sighing.

“Thank the Maker,” Zevran adds solemnly. Adelmar smiles, pleased at his manners.

“I’m so glad you’re doing well. So tell me,” she scoots closer and looks at him eagerly, “What sort of life did you have, after you were adopted?”

“Adopted?”

By the kitchen counter, Hamal catches the subtle edge in Zevran’s tone. He pauses, holding the knife in his hand as a lull falls over the kitchen table, but he doesn’t know enough Antivan to guess what’s happened.

What’s happened is this: Zevran and Adelmar came from the same place, and know enough about that life to instantly understand that a lie has been told.

“Oh,” Adelmar breathes after a moment. “You… you weren’t adopted.”

Zevran lets out a laugh. It’s his ‘stalling’ laugh, and now Hamal is looking over, arms crossed, searching his face for clues.

“I was not adopted,” he says. “But do not trouble yourself over that.” Then, smoothly redirecting, he gets up and locks eyes with Hamal.

“Shall I boil some water?” he asks, switching out of Antivan.

The tense moment is gone. Hamal nods, glancing at Adelmar. “I’ll start the fire.”

  There’s a reason why the kitchen is kept apart from the rest of the house. While the soup simmers, they bring their visit to the adjacent patio, where a cool breeze offers relief. Tree branches from the outside—from a tamarind tree growing in the street—have stretched out over the wall and blessed Adelmar’s patio with shade and fruit.

Hamal makes a face when he tastes it. Glancing at Zevran, he holds his gaze and waits just long enough to make it clear he’s less than partial to the flavor.

“So delicious, vhenan.”

Zevran laughs. “Wait until you try it in drink form.”

“If you make it, I am sure I will enjoy it.”

Adelmar, knowing she’s touched upon a shared hurt between her and Zevran, makes up for it by talking about anything else. She is particularly interested in their wedding, and is scandalized when she hears they’ve only been married a few weeks.

“I missed it!” she exclaims.

“It was quite sudden, my friend,” Zevran says, as if there’d been a chance of her attending. “Spontaneous. Just the two of us. Very romantic.”

Hamal taps the handcrafted silver band around his ring finger. He gestures at Zevran. “Él lo hizo,” he says in the most accented Antivan ever. “Muy, muy… bello.”

Dinner is delicious. Despite some language barriers, their conversation is easy and effortless. It’s also, intentionally, vague. Adelmar learns that they met in Ferelden, that they’re on an important journey, and that the journey is a dangerous one.

Most importantly, she also learns that Zevran’s heart has survived its rocky passage into adulthood, whole, if not unscathed. The core of the little boy she’d known in the brothel is there, even if he himself does not realize it. It brings her immense comfort.

The visit ends all too quickly, and though she asks them to stay the night, she isn’t surprised when they decline.

“Thank you for your hospitality,” Hamal tells Zevran, who relays the message to Adelmar.

“You and Hamal are welcome, always,” Adelmar assures him. “Will you visit again?”

“If it is less dangerous,” Zevran says. “We were not followed here. But repeated visits might be difficult. Risky.”

“I understand. Not right away, then. When you can. We still have so much to talk about.”

“I would like that,” Zevran agrees.

They share one last hug, the three of them, and Adelmar watches them slip into the night.

  “I need to brush up on my Antivan,” Hamal says. “But I enjoyed meeting her.”

“She liked you a lot,” Zevran says, smiling. Hamal laughs.

“You talked about me?”

“Of course. I had to show you off.” He winks at him. Then, with a soft intake of breath, Zevran looks away with his brow furrowed, the lines of his tattoo tense.

“… They told her I’d been adopted. All these years, and she had no idea. I’m almost sorry she had to find out otherwise.”

They’ve traveled for hours, leaving the city behind. Bright points of light shine overhead. The night sky of Antiva smells of jasmine and the distant sea.

“That’s awful,” Hamal says, looking at him.

“What a farce,” Zevran says bitterly. “Just like everything the Crows do. Operating in the open, but hidden from view. Buying children and lives while people look the other way.” Earnestly, his brown eyes black in the dark, he shakes his head. “It must end. It must.”

Hamal touches the lines of his tattoo, calloused fingers grounding him.

“Ma nuvenin, Zevran Arainai. It will.”

~

A short piece to introduce my OC, Adelmar Provencio. If you ever read my WIP For Suffering is Such a Part, you’ve met her through flashbacks already. While I love the idea of Zevran taking down the Crows alone, please consider, Zevran taking down the Crows with the support of a community, strengthened by the bonds he’s made in his life...

Adelmar plays a further role in the story, so hopefully I can write more for her!

[worldsover]

Judgement to the Desiccated ft. Karina

length ✦ 5573

genres ✧ sm type future; asphyxiation; blackmail; virtual_servant!Karina;

✦✧✦✧✦✧

Air did a poor job of not being polluted so Lee Soo Man flooded the world instead. The man himself certainly must be long gone and could not have been in charge of that decision but the legacy of his company far exceeds the legacy of any other human collective in history. Once on this planet, gas was the fluid of choice for respiration and breathing was an unconscious reflex. Now there’s Aether by SM. How very on-brand of them to have the liquid air you breathe follow perfume naming conventions.

Open your eyes and exit the sleeping chamber. Aether has you work for each inhalation, it desaturates the color of the bedroom—maybe there’s a subtle but uncomfortable tinge of yellow—and it makes your nose itch. Your muscles wield much less force than they used to because of the lack of resistance the fluid provides. Moreover, it smells like hairspray as though the ozone layer is taking sardonic revenge.

Screens impersonating windows track your eyes to ensure realistic parallax, playing the scene of divine blue heavens that could not exist. An azure sky is a reward for those planets that have an atmosphere and a sun for light to scatter. Your walls are either chrome or drywall white and your whole bedroom is plainly decorated just like the day you moved in.

“Etymology of bedroom,” you think out loud, though it falls on no ears.

“Bedroom is a compound noun consisting of bed and room. Bed goes back to Old English bedd ‘sleeping place, plot of ground prepared for plants,’ which goes back to the Germanic-”

Plants and sleep are both strong words to use nowadays. The former doesn’t exist in nature and it seems you’re the only one who bothers with the latter. Faint buzzing distracts you from the AI’s response and signals you to the nano drones that swim throughout the liquid to process carbon dioxide from your lungs. This whole ordeal could’ve been much worse if you didn’t have brain interfaces doing the hard part of controlling your diaphragm. The most you need is a purposeful thought. Still, it gets tiring having to think the same thought every three seconds. In. Out.

Was the metaphorical Soo Man teaching a lesson in perseverance? You love K-pop and imagine it’s how trainees used to practice dancing, singing, being charismatic. Being an idol had to be as natural as breathing air. Inhale and exhale. Right now with any antiquated programming language you clung on to, you could write a single for loop that did the same job. For every three seconds: breathe in, breathe out.

“What’s for breakfast today?” Not loud enough. “What’s for breakfast?” you think it louder.

“Welcome, master. Ae-Karina is ready for service.” It’s quite a kindness for SM to blur the bland dystopia you live in by augmenting reality through your neural device. A bosomy woman in a gold-lined but otherwise modest maid outfit appears from the corner of your eye and she bows. Ae-Karina is bewitching and almost becoming of her basis as its graphics have gradually upgraded over the rotations but you wouldn’t misconstrue the avatar as human.

“I said, what’s for breakfast!” It feels impolite to scream in your head, there’s other residents there, but finally the fridge lights up.

“Of course master. May I remind you eating is unnecessary?”

In. Out. Every day, she does remind you, yes. How kind of the company to put all your nutritional requirements in the new air. Aether goes in then Aether goes out. You wish the thoughts of breathing could fade into the background but they’re just like your cravings for food. Always hungry but never starving, whole though not once satisfied. Your eyes pause at her gorgeous face and she tells you there’s bacon. Take it from your fridge. Bacon goes in. Well, the drones take care of the out.

Your assigned living space is the entire 207th floor of a tower. Two hundred and seven floors below the surface. The neighbor a few floors upstairs says that he thinks living deeper is a sign of status. What a luxury. That guy should check the status of his facial muscles, maybe improve his code that lets him tell lies while he’s at it. A couple hundred flights of stairs to swim up is a useless skeuomorphism of skyscrapers in the days of the sun. In fact they were more than useless, you would've preferred a single vertical hallway as it would have let you propel upwards unimpeded. Each floor is the exact same, a glass door that affords no privacy for its residence, a false tree on each side. At the upper levels, malls, convenience stores and other gaudy retail, but it’s the gyms that mock you that you mock in return. They’re always empty.

Finally reaching the top is no true break even if it is a change in scenery. Inhale. Aether tastes a little different up here. Exhale. Can’t say you like it.

Countless satellites form a parody of the star from which the planet flew away, the false image refracted by the upper boundary of Aether. They can’t take away your memories of this star. Looking up at the sky once blinded you with ultraviolet radiation, burning your cornea. It was beautiful. Now everyone’s decided that if they’re playing the part of corporate dystopia, they might as well fit the aesthetic. In a way, it’s self-fulfilling. They wouldn’t have chosen a neon pink sun to compliment the blue and metallic gloom of the cityscape if it weren’t so ingrained in popular media already.

Still, you would’ve expected Google or Walmart to become the megacorp responsible for the state of the world, not a Korean entertainment company. Must’ve been quite the red paperclip scenario. Instead of material design or utilitarian architecture, tacky artistic structures line the streets. The same advertisements for albums that they’ve been selling for the past however long. It's all so obvious, the city could've been designed from scratch to accommodate new forms of travel and goddamn liquid air but instead they went with futuristic Tokyo.

Dubstep permeates your inner ear implants. A notification informs your thoughts that it’s “Hip-hop EDM dance pop with a strong jungle house groove and urban influences.” It’s dubstep. Liquid carries barely any sound so SM affords the option for implants if you're nostalgic for one of the senses. Even though it’s a slower form of communication than direct neural transfer, the noise comforts you. Of course the company would choose dubstep as their background music, but maybe they make money off refunds somehow. It switches to Ice Cream Cake. Much better.

You walk the not so busy roads towards a short brick warehouse in the distance and heavy rain soaks your clothes. No such thing as weather without the sun and water but it’s all simulated anyway.

A warm Seulgi adlib and you know it’s Psycho that starts playing. No, none of your senses are real. The most you could trust is your vision but even that’s being lied to. You could be living in a vat and fed all these thoughts, but then why make it so mediocre? Not paradise, nor torture but a lukewarm in-between. Guess that's what happens when SM Entertainment manages the post-apocalypse. Good on them for trying. The alternative would be a frozen hellscape without solar radiation. Can’t deny their work with geothermal and nuclear energy to keep the Aether warm so that you didn’t have to live underground for the rest of human history. It’s quite great PR to save humanity.

“Hey now, we’ll be okay,” repeats a few more times than you remember.

The Idea Factory Alpha White Delta Green says the neon tubes lighting the front of the brick and mortar building. Your ID card bears a name but it’s not yours, not until they approve your name change. Those usually get processed faster with how often people liked changing their names.

Sit at a desk with a sterile white keyboard and slick new monitor. Type and empty words appear on the screen: “Think for the many, not for the one. We need to think ahead.” A thumbs up. The company appreciates the input. That’s probably enough work for one day. Some SNSD live stages help the time pass, SM certainly appreciated the streaming numbers and it would net you some social points.

It’s hard to say what comes to mind when they ask you to envision a world without the sun and air, especially since it’s what you’ve known for... Two hundred years? There’s no frame of reference, that much you can tell from when you counted seconds to see how often the satellites completed their orbit. SM really took time to have them propel at random speeds, they love withholding sensitive information like that from citizens. To be fair, time is sensitive. Guess the meaning of that phrase changes like all parts of language.

Look around. Dozens of employees at identical workspaces all try to answer the same questions. Naturally, there’s no need for manual labor anymore but there will never be a replacement for human ingenuity. Nice slogan but you know you’re only here for data. Can’t see a need for customer retention though—what’s the alternative, skip Earth? See you on another planet?

“Hey bro, you come up with anything new?” Dave says. Two desks away, you see the enthusiastic, surprisingly spry man play around with a Newton’s cradle. The balls at each end bounce back and forth, not slowing down their rhythm any time soon.

“I think I got something,” you say, “Earth is not the answer. It can’t be, long term.”

“Ooh, I like that. Actually, I really like that.”

“What are you gonna do, copy me?”

“Of course not. You know how much SM hates plagiarism.” Click. Clack.

“Ha. As if there’s a single original thought left in the world.” Click. Clack. The imaginary sounds of metal spheres bouncing play in your mind. They got the volume wrong, no way it’d sound that loud from that distance. “You’d think with all their resources, they’d have figured out space travel by now.”

“I don’t think they want to leave, bro. Wouldn’t be great for profits.”

Your mouth opens to laugh and causes laugh8942.mp3 to play in Dave’s head. “I love it. SM probably hates that sass too,” you say.

“Oh no, they’re gonna arrest me for thoughtcrimes. Nah, they love creativity, just when it suits them. Also, if they actually did bust you for wrongthink like rumors say, I wouldn’t have this on me.” Dave twirls a finger and points at you and you thank his absurd flair for the histrionic that keeps you amused with such drab work.

“NewDrug.mp6. Would you like to play it?” the dry system voice notifies you.

“Woah woah there tiger, hold on.” Dave must’ve noticed your intrigued eyes and holds his hands up. “You might wanna experience that at home. But if you’re interested in more, ask for chicken parm at the vegan place. You know the one.”

Dave leaves his desk. He doesn’t return. You finish your work. Inspire. Expire. You’d rather not.

In contrast to your commute to work, the roads fill with others on your way home. You have to know. Take solace in the comfort of a bench where a huge McDonald’s arch bathes the surroundings and its people with a yellow glow. Really shouldn’t watch it now, especially if Dave says it’s a home type of watch but you have to know. A family of five watches you pass out. They, along with every other passerby, ignore your still body draped over the chrome outdoor seating as you look like yet another junkie. The title is correct after a fashion, the simulation is some sort of new drug. The details of the exploits that happen in the immersive replay wash over you but you don’t need them to know that it’s the sort of lewd that SM would not allow—at least not publicly and not without the right exorbitant payment.

Suit pants and underwear go straight to the laundry. That must’ve been an embarrassing sight but no one bothered to stop you, so it doesn’t matter. Look up where this vegan place was that Dave so presumptuously assumed you knew about and you find that it’s about four Avengers’ stores down from work. He must’ve eaten there before.

“Yo Dave, just wanna make sure, what’s the name of the vegan place called?”

“What are you talking about, man? You telling me there’s some secret underground farms that SM wouldn’t know about?”

You can’t tell when you got to work, a lack of standardized timing would help as well the haze of living in a monotonous dark. “Nah, I mean, for the-”

“I have no idea,” Dave emphasizes each word, “what you’re talking about.”

“I see.”

Work flies by, unusually.

“Hey, can I get a chicken-”

“Uh, this is Maron’s Veggies Only, it clearly says on the sign.”

Clear your throat. “Parm.”

The shifty part-time worker looks around and rubs his fingers gesturing for money. “No digital.”

Over the counter, you pass him a gold coin stamped with a holographic 1 and he hands you a USB stick and a laptop in return. How old-fashioned.

“It’ll sync with whoever you have set as your avatar experience aspect,” the worker says.

“Thanks.”

Ever vigilant as the patrol is, the alleys are the last place you want to go to hide with the obvious criminal element within them all but you head to one anyway. Dump the anachronistic technology in your storage pocket dimensions. Looking at its contents, you’d have to clean that mess up later, but the more you look like an average slob the better. The biggest problem with the inventories is all the people squatting in them. Inspectors wouldn’t care about the archaic ruins you left in yours.

“Welcome, master. Ae-Karina is ready to service.”

“I’d like to go on a date. A special date.” You highlight the key word special and sit on your living room couch. No one’s going to look in your glass door and regardless, you wouldn’t be the pervert for glimpsing into someone’s home.

“Ah yes, master. Ae-Karina is ready to fully service,” she says with a provocative tint in her tone, her sclera disperses to black to match. A pole drops from the ceiling while parts of her maid outfit dissolve which reveals more of the silky skin of her thighs, her lissom arms and most importantly her overflowing breasts. Ae-Karina wraps her legs around the pole and spins around, teasing fingers trace curves on her body to harden you. Her dance is precise but sultry regardless. She pulls up her short skirt to flaunt more of her ass beneath white panties and then pulls down to flourish her cleavage, not trapped by a bra. “Are you enjoying your maid’s show?”

“Very much so, yes,” you say.

Half of a smile forms before a glitch occurs and she teleports next to you, fully nude. It doesn’t pull you out of the illusion however. You just stare and drink in the splendor of her created body.

“You’re not going to touch?” Ae-Karina says.

A feel of her tits and you find it softer than pillows you used to rest on. Soft isn’t much of a character that exists anymore when the whole world is engulfed in liquid. No one has beds, especially with the rarity of sleep. Therefore, her mounds are a consummate dedication to the texture as you squeeze and pinch at her cute nipples.

Her maid outfit rematerializes as she straddles you. It provides more friction to your pants as she begins her lap dance. The weight of her body dragging across your legs and clothed erection induces your carnal impulses further. If only you could fuck the virtual idol. You have to make do with the imprint of her pussy lips on your bulge sliding up and down. Breath in. Breath out.

Ae-Karina pulls down your boxers and spits on your erection. It's not real but her hands so slick on your cock and you let reality slip. Real is for the past, you have desires gratified in the present. There is no real person nibbling at your neck but your nerves activate in sexual desire without discernment for truth. No, she doesn't love you, but when the voracious mass of ones and zeroes says it loves its master, you say it back.

"I love you."

ILOVEYOU infected ten million computers in 2000. An explosion. Calibration engaging. It’s 1:21 PM, Sunday, July 18, 2286 and hypothetically the sun would be out in its full rage. At this latitude and longitude, you’re at what was once the epicenter of all—Seoul, where a fountain caused a chain reaction allowing the hopeful remnant of a world to exist. It lasted a surprisingly long time without the sun and without Aether but the dying planet would succumb inevitably to the ever-increasing contamination so SM of all corporations took charge. A different kind of chain reaction occurred when they acquired a restaurant chain that discovered the recipe for liquid air. The law is on its way and prepared to punish you to its full extent.

You reel while your ears ring. An even sexier version of the woman you already fantasized about appears from your peripheral vision in the crater of your floor. A skimpy cop outfit, striated with reflective material that seems to wane black at different angles, outlines Karina’s curves. She has a tool belt with absurd gadgets, such as a knife baton hybrid, a taser combined with a spray bottle and a Tamagotchi. None of this is necessary. They could just immediately arrest you, impose limitations on your devices. Sure, SM cloned people to deal with underpopulation, but why Karina would be the enforcer is a whole nother issue. Maybe the entertainment company loves their irony?

“Halt. You’re under arrest. Any resistance will be penalized according to the combined Terms of Service of all SM and SM associated products.”

Fucked anyway, you figure you might as well go for it. Escape into your inventory and only seconds later you’re forced out. You manage to get what you need regardless.

“Violation of access rights will be charged to your account.”

It’s so obvious but there’s a reason you kept so much gold in physical storage. As you swim away, the sides of your apartment start to bubble. Bubbles? Already, your limbs feel unsteady. Something’s wrong in the Aether.

“This is standard procedure for escaping suspects that are indoors. Again, this is all agreed to under the Terms of Service.”

“When the fuck did I ever click accept to that shit?”

“When you were born in this world and decided you want to stay in it,” Karina says out loud. You hear her say it. Your physical ears process the vibrations in the air that come from her mouth. Gravity thwarts your desperate escape as your limp body floats on the limit between liquid and air. The atrophy of your muscles becomes apparent within the gaseous atmosphere. She watches you sink down as the room drains of all the false air though her eyebrows crease when she inspects you closer. Your breaths are involuntary. Despite your muscles shorting out, the force of gravity and the pressure of the gas bearing down on you, you’re breathing and you don’t mean to. Her eyes wander farther down. On your pants, a concrete rod stamps the fabric.

“Oh, you like what you see?”

“Shut up, criminal. Anything you say can and will be used against you.”

“Your pussy,” you say and she scoffs.

“Original.” Karina bites her lip as your erection continues to grow behind its prison. You use all effort to put your hands up.

“Please, miss Karina. I’ve been bad.”

“I could punish you even more for sexual assault.”

“Then do it.”

Heat radiates the room in a way you haven’t felt in a while and droplets of sweat form on each of your bodies, especially on the thighs that her revealing outfit parades. Her facial features contort in deliberation and the wait kills you. You bat your eyes at her before Karina takes off her tight shorts and drops herself into your anticipatory face. This makes no sense but none of this life made any sense so you decide to go with the tides.

Centuries of training your respiration has led to this moment, but when you finally have real air to breathe, you spit at the opportunity and choose to suffocate. Then you spit at her pussy and lap it up. Karina’s nectar transfixes your olfactory glands, for once a smell that isn’t the sterile Aether. Your eyes are mesmerized in parallel because of the perfect design of her pussy, a single crease that leads into her hole that your tongue emphatically explores. Karina spreads her thighs wide to reveal a small nub that craves attention. So give it. Suck and swirl and flick your tongue, and the woman provides you the tight clench of her legs as a gift. And the sounds, rediscovered glorious noise. Loud, almost too loud, and clear is how they assault your ears, even surrounded by the flesh of her thighs. Muffled by the weight of her legs, you hear Karina moan in approval but she’s still clearly in charge with how she chokes you with her legs. This is not about your pleasure but hers, and any satisfaction that you derive is not only incidental but probably punishable by SM copyright law.

Karina squirms her hips subtly on your mouth. Her eyes are sharp and she’s just about to stop your hands from moving but she notices them clasp together.

“I’ll do anything to make you cum, please.” you say sloppily as her pussy juices fill your cheeks and drip down your chin.

“God. I can’t.” She takes deep, contemplative breaths. ”That’s more time added on for inappropriate behavior.” Her groaning and brief squeals make her words sound incogent.

You give her a concluding lick and a kiss on her slit. “So what have you been doing right now then?”

Point to a corner of the room and a subtle red light indicates a recording camera. At once, she pulls out a hose from a pocket that could not fit it and the vacuum submerges the room with noise. Her expression shifts quickly to serious.

“We don’t play games here in SMTOWN unless it’s SuperStar so don’t fuck with me.”

“Look who's trying to be a comedian. How about you fuck with me any further and the video gets released.”

“That’s funny, you think you have any sort of power-”

“Yoo Jimin, I suggest you don’t push me more.”

“Where do you know that name from? Right now.” She weighs herself down on your neck.

“You think I don’t have contingencies for if I die too? Karina, we can make this a  win-win scenario. We both get to cum, we both get to walk away unscathed.”

“Fuck you.”

Your weak arms wander between her thighs. At any moment, a feeble punch towards your face or another ten seconds of asphyxiation and she could call your bluff. Even if you did have the ability to expose her perversions in any way, there would be no permanent recourse, not as long SM was in charge. So it surprises you when Karina takes off her shorts. 

“Goddammit. Your cock just looks too good. And your mouth, how are you so good with it?” Put up five fingers when she motions to remove her top as well, and instead she opts to take off your clothes, seizing your pants and throwing them to join the rubble in the room.

A finger slips in, then two and a third dares. Her flawlessly architected pussy lips clings to your digits and Karina shudders in reply. You explore her wetness and find it’s smooth to the point of having no faults, but her juice inside is gloppy and causes your fingers to stick more than the liquids she spills from her slit.

“Who said you’re allowed to have more?”

You lap up the nectar on your fingers. “Then why’d they make you taste so good?”

Your thumb teases her sweet tight asshole and puts just the slightest amount of pressure on it while you finger her with more intensity. The mass of her butt burdens your torso the closer she gets to orgasm. Her eyelids squeeze close and you see her body ripple in anxious pleasure. Karina shows off her pearly whites, teetering on the cliff of hysteria.

“Yes, yes! I’m so close,” she screams.

"Not yet."

“Fuck." Karina sobs, "God. Damn, fuck I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Just fuck me.”

“My pleasure,” you say. There’s no need for you to grab her since she brings herself down to your groin, which you’re thankful for as your arms are as good as jelly now. Fortunately, your cock throbs as hard as ever while Karina’s slit rests on it.

“Say you’ll delete it all, all the evidence, promise me.”

“You’re gonna fuck me first or what?” Your breath hitches while she makes a strangled noise as her velvety walls swallow your cock whole to leave no room for comfort. Her tightness is stifling and you have to start counting just to breathe again.

“One two-”

“Be quiet.”

But there is no quiet when pleas for your cooperation intersperse her excessive profanities when she seats herself into your cock and ricochets up and down. Sweat emanates from her creamy skin while her legs widen to find a better angle for her supporting knees in her cowgirl position. Grapefruit and other citrus mingle with the scent of the sweat, fruits you haven’t seen except on billboards in music videos. As much as your mind crackles and your blood roars for every atmosphere of pressure Karina’s walls provide on each thrust in and out, you can’t help but reminisce on sweeter, more innocent times.

The white fluorescent lights in your apartment sputter. For all the advancements in technology, some among many things never change. Light refracts differently in air, less bright, but you can see the pure enjoyment on Karina’s face no matter the luminescence. Karina slows her ride to pull her hips down harder instead and she jolts when your cock finds the most tender spots inside her pussy and it interrupts her babbling.

Karina almost hyperventilates when she gets up to spit on your cock. She pulls out some kind of meter from her tool belt and sighs when there’s no beeping and you recognize it having to do with carbon dioxide. She gets back to dribbling saliva and the filament trailing down to your shaft mesmerizes you. This spit is real, not simulated, and it wettens your erection in a mix with her pussy juices to paralyze you further in your already listless state. Her bare thighs jiggle and you can’t exert much force with your hands but her buttcheeks are firm with just a bit of give.

“Thank you for this cock, thank you for being bad,” Karina says as you watch her ass sink deeper while her pussy holds your dick taut. She’s frenetic when bounces up and down to play an unadulterated orchestra of slick noises between your groins.

“You’re welcome,” you accomplish getting out the words between planned breaths. Your hands cup her buttcheeks but you fear they may break with how she strikes her ass into you.

Karina turns around once more to give you the spectacle of her facial expressions as she fucks herself into you. Knead her calves laying on your torso and they take no energy to spread them though she brings them back together, compressing your hard shaft within her pussy. A new game you play with her, a separate rhythm of loosening and tightening. Her feet press on your chest to help her bounce, but the way they bear down on your lungs against the timing of your breathing causes you to fumble. Your cock bends straight forward as she plunges herself into you and it sends prickles to your entire skin, making the new angle difficult but worth it. Karina takes your hand and starts sucking on your fingers.

“You want my promise that bad?” you say.

“Yes, as bad as I want your cum. I swear, I need it.”

She draws her knees up to her torso and hugs her legs to keep thighs as tight together as possible. Karina couldn’t keep her word, she was trying to kill your cock with constriction.

“Fuck, your pussy is so fucking tight. God, Karina, fuck. You’re so good.” Even if good isn’t the word you want to use to describe her.

“Do it, please, please. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, baby. Karina can be a good girl, a good maid, a good cop, whatever you want. Just don’t get me in trouble, please.”

Karina’s mouth stops saying words though her lips writhe, drunk in increasing lust. Her cheeks flush, before the rest of her skin joins in redness while she grapples your chest and whatever spare limb she can find. You still struggle wresting control of your body but nature seems to take over when you drive yourself into her and match her needy cadence. The air in the room is replaced by a new air but it isn’t Aether. Passion, sweat, heat and all fluids that you both exude join squelching sounds, slaps and moans in harmonic bliss when her body tenses and she screams. As her body tightens, her pussy especially holds your cock for dear life and endeavours to wring out all your semen as her wetness throbs and spills. Karina starts counting to three repeatedly and you laugh though your amusement quickly subsides when you feel her juices become more viscous and she continues her ride, even in the dying pulses of her climax.

“Was I good?” Karina asks.

Just a moment goes by before you mentally send her a screenshot of all the recordings being deleted. Karina hasn’t stopped fucking you yet so at least it wasn’t a ploy.

“Thank you, thank you, I love you.” The flexion of her pliant legs brings them all the way back to rest on top of your legs. Karina lays prone above you and finally give you a kiss. The citrusy flavor may be closer to lime than grapefruit but it’s been so long that you can’t remember which scent is which. Lips crash and her tongue lashes out at yours trying to establish dominance. Keep still to let her investigate your mouth while her pussy does the same to your shaft.

You savor the way Karina’s top emphasizes the bouncing of her tits synchronous with the rebounding of her waist on your cock, but your mouth waters when she frees them. Take the shortest moment to relish in the sight before Karina smothers you with her plump globes. You wriggle your face to try to breathe. Inhale, up and exhale, down, but all you inhale is the scent of her orbs’ sweat. Her hips undulate with a pace at least double yours breathing and the echoes of slapping flesh resonate throughout the air-filled chamber. The loudness is unlike any you’ve experienced in a long time. It’s almost a flashbang every time her ass slams into your lap, especially as you start to see white when orgasm threatens to overload you with preludial pulses.

The last words you hear infected ten million computers in 2000. Fade to black. Cut. You’re slammed out of existence back into existence as a sun rebirths both within you, heating your core to a dangerous high, and from your eyes, dazzling you in an unforgiving white light. In the throes of unconsciousness relapsing to consciousness back to tenebrosity, your streaks of semen suspend in the Aether like a dead tree resting from the wind. What flashes your mind in its orgasmic state are two things only you would remember, plants and weather. Your hyperventilation is unconscious but not unwelcome, as it’s the first time in a while your breaths were reflexive even in the liquid air. However, basking in your newfound power, you start to choke. Right. You breathe in and out again. In and out. In. Out. In. Out. Back in.

“Replaying KarinaArrestsYou.mp6.” A hint of vexatious glee in the system’s otherwise dry voice. You don’t stop for it.

✦✧✦✧✦✧ 

AFF, AO3

It’s pretty silly but the idea danced around in my head ever since I saw the absolute Black Mirror concept that SM had for aespa and I concur that Karina is insanely hot.

As I’m writing this, this Kurzgesagt video on the idea of a rogue Earth comes out and now I have to rewrite stuff to make it at least a little consistent. I’m obviously already going nuts with all these ridiculous sci-fi concepts but this video almost feels too targeted to me writing this for me to ignore it.

[eirikaanemo]

My Celebrity Childhood Friend

Warnings: minor character death, sad feels

Venti x GN!Reader

2k Words

Many years ago, when you were eight years old, you had two very close friends. Their names were Venti and Himmel. The three of you did everything together. You were very close. All of you thought your friendship would be forever and that you would always be close. But, unfortunately, that's not what happened.

One day you and Venti received the news that Himmel had passed away. It was really difficult for both of you to accept the reality of his death, grieve, and move on with your lives. In the end, you couldn’t even help each other. Spending time together only reminded you of how Himmel wasn’t there anymore.

Eventually Venti just couldn’t take it anymore. So his family moved out. Losing Himmel had hurt, but losing Venti too reopened the almost healing wound in your heart. He didn’t even say goodbye because he thought he’d chicken out if he did. And so there you were, friendless, hurt, and feeling very, very alone.

Your only solace was in practicing the piano. The three of you had all been learning instruments and playing together before. The idea was to become a band of sorts together and play music professionally. Himmel played violin, Venti played guitar, and you played piano. Playing the piano was all you had left of them, so you continued playing and practicing it.

Years pass and you move on as much as you can. You make new friends and try new things. Piano is still important to you but you do new things now too. But even with all of this, there’s a part of you that left with Venti and Himmel. The hurt in your heart is no longer a gaping wound. Yet the pain has never truly gone away.

Then one day you hear a familiar voice on the radio. That voice and guitar combo sounded very familiar. It was a good song and you enjoyed listening to it, but you just couldn’t get the feeling of familiarity out of your mind. However, once the radio host introduced the song, you immediately understood. “And that was Soaring Bird by The Bard. Venti really did himself proud on this one…,” they continued, but you were no longer listening.

Venti was on the radio! What could this mean? You hurriedly took out your phone and ran a search. There he was, Venti, also known as The Bard, is a singer/songwriter who rose to fame after a stint on a television talent show a couple months ago. Well, what do you know? Your childhood friend has followed your childhood dream.

Part of you feels left behind, but you accepted that had happened years ago. So instead you decided to be supportive! Suddenly you have a new favorite singer and you just have to have all his albums. Physical copies, so you can display them. Your bedroom walls are covered with posters.

You now have more The Bard themed t-shirts than you have regular shirts. There’s a concert of his you can go to? You’re there. You promote him with everyone you know. If you hadn’t converted your friends to the truth of Venti supremacy they probably would have gotten sick of your antics by now. Instead they’re almost as invested as you are.

When he finally releases a new album you are thrilled. It’s been almost a year since he released his last one and you’ve been starving for new content. You are first in line to the store to buy the album and listen to it as soon as possible. Track one through four are fantastic and you enjoy them a lot! But then track five starts to play.

It’s more melancholy and nostalgic than other songs he has written. And then you hear the words. The words touch your heart, soothing and healing some of the pain that has remained. At the end he takes a moment to dedicate it to his childhood friend, to you. Not by name, but you know what he means by “my old childhood friend”. You’re tearing up.

I’m sorry I was too blind to see

That you were suffering as much as me

You were left behind, I was moving on

And you were left to carry on

It wasn’t right, it wasn’t fair

That I chose to just leave you there

We’re not really close now, are we

But I just want to say I’m sorry

You listened to it over and over again, crying in your room. Maybe it was stupid but that was something you didn’t even know you’ve been wanting to hear for years. Knowing that he felt bad about leaving you behind and hearing an apology from him meant the world to you.

And it just so happens that the song he dedicated to you is your friends’ new favorite song. If they didn’t know about your history with him before, then they sure know now. You’re still struggling to not cry every time it plays. Sure, maybe some of your dirty laundry was now being aired all around the world. But that wasn’t important.

What was important was that your heart was finally able to heal. You were truly able to feel happy again, for the first time since you were eight years old. Life had color again. There was more of a bounce to your step. Your friends noticed that your smiles even seemed more real now.

So when you learned that Venti would be doing an album signing event, you just knew you had to go. And you knew just which album you wanted to have signed. Now all you could think about was getting the album signed. How would he react to seeing you again? Would he recognize you? You really hope he does. It would really hurt if he doesn’t.

All of a sudden you’re now worrying if this is a good idea at all. Your friends managed to convince you to go, but you were really close to not going at all. And even now that you’re here at the signing you’re half considering running away. But instead you steel your courage and get in line.

You try not to think about it as the line slowly creeps forward. Making small talk with those around you in line might help, but you’re too nervous to even try social interaction. You’re twentieth in line, then tenth, then fifth, then second. Now it’s your turn and you approach the table he’s sitting at to sign the albums.

He’s wearing a white button up shirt, green slacks, and a green beanie with a flower on it. He’s dyed the tips of his braids teal and wears some light makeup to bring out the color of his eyes. You suddenly feel very underdressed as you anxiously walk up and hand him the album.

“Hi Venti,” you say softly. “It’s good to see you again.” He looks up sharply and freezes for a second, wide eyed. “Oh my gosh!” He exclaims, jumping up out of his seat. “It’s so good to see you again! It’s been so long!” You smile, feeling more comfortable and sure of yourself now that you know he recognizes you.

Someone behind him clears their throat and sits back down. “I can’t really talk right now,” he admits, sheepishly. “We don’t want to hold up the line, but hold on a sec.” He opens the album and scribbles something on the inside of the opaque cover. “That’s my number,” he whispers quietly to you. “Text me later, okay? I’ll get back to you when I can.”

You nod and move on, only realizing he didn’t actually sign the case until you were down the hall from where he was signing. Laughing a little, you sit down on a bench and pull out your phone. That was such a Venti-like thing for him to do. Sometimes he would get so excited that he’d forget what he was supposed to be doing.

Opening your texting app, you typed in his number and sent him a message.

You: Hi! Is this the right number? I’m the one you wrote song number five about.

It took a couple hours for him to reply. Which is very understandable considering how he was probably signing albums for a while.

Venti: Yes! This is the right number! It’s so good to hear from you again :)

Venti: And I’m so glad you heard that song

Venti: I really am sorry about leaving like that

You: I won’t lie and say that it’s fine, because it really hurt that you left like that

You: But I really appreciate your song that you wrote for me. I cry every time I hear it

Venti: Oh no! I didn’t mean to make you sad :(

You: Happy tears, Venti. They’re all happy tears

Venti: Oh, okay, that’s good :)

Venti: Want to come eat lunch with the staff and me?

Venti: They’re all really curious about you

Venti: The mysterious childhood friend I wrote a whole song about

You: Sure! How do I find you?

Venti: You don’t! Where are you? I’ll send someone to pick you up ;)

You send him your location and wait around for someone to come pick you up. After a while a nicely dressed woman approaches you and gestures for you to follow her. She leads you to a car and drives you to a restaurant. A waiter takes you to one of the closed off rooms for group events.

Approximately two seconds after the door is closed, you are hug tackled to the floor. Venti cheerfully cheers your name right into your ear. You grumble good naturedly and swat at him until he laughs and gets off you. He offers his hand, you take it, and he helps you stand up. Some chuckles from the staff tell me they’re just as amused as he is by the situation.

This sets the tone for your lunch. It’s lighthearted and you have a great time getting to know each other again. He introduces the staff and they admit they’ve been curious about his childhood friend he wrote a song about. You enjoy eating lunch with them a lot, and all of you are disappointed when you have to go.

You continue to chat as long as you can while preparing to leave. As you’re gathering your stuff to go, you come across the album that he never actually signed. “Oh yeah,” you laugh. “Venti, you never actually signed my album!”

“Whoops! I’ll sign that right now.” He declares. “Though I must admit that I feel a little awkward signing stuff for you.” Finishing writing with a flourish, he hands the album back to you. “But I guess I better get used to it,” he continues. “You better bring the rest of the albums next time!”

Your smile is so bright that he has to squint for a moment.. “I’m looking forward to it already.” You say. “See you later?” He beams right back. “Yep! I’ll let you know the next time we can meet up!”

The grin stays on your face all the way home.

You meet up whenever you can after that, though your schedules don’t always match up enough to allow it. Video calls are common when he goes on tour. It’s like the two of you never split. And eventually your friendship becomes something more.

“Hey, could I ask you a question?” Venti asks you over a video call one night. He’s acting a little funny, nervous with a dash of hope and excitement. “Would you like to go out with me sometimes? Like a date?” You chuckle, amused. “Venti, you’re on tour right now. It’s not like we could go out to dinner or something.”

“You’re right that we can’t go out to dinner together, but we could eat at the same time over a video call! I’ll even call and order food for you or something!” Venti plans. “Sure,” you agree. “I think I’d like that.” He pumps his fist in the air. “Yes!” He shouts. “I’m gonna make this the best long-distance date ever!”

And so he does.

[daegall]

Twitterpated

↳ to feel in love/love-struck

pairing: Lee Donghyuck x reader

Genre: fluff... uh... overall fluff 🤧

Warnings: mentions of death and a dead body (but nobody's dead), swearing (?)

Word count: 3.7k words

A/n: AYO HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO OUR SUN <3333 OUR BBY <33333 LOL I PROBABLY WONT BE HERE WHEN ITS ACTUALLY HIS BIRTHDAY SINCE ITS LITERALLY A DAY BEFOR EMY FINALS START 💀💀 SO ITS ON SCHEDULE </33

ANYWAYS YEAH HAPPY BIRTHDAY DONGHYUCK!!

alsooo this is part of the first collab made by @renhyucks (thanks bby <33) please do enjoy, and do not hesitate to tell me if there are any spelling mistakes or anything bad i wrote!! thank you!!

(guess who's expert procrastinator and wrote like 50% of this a week before his birthday AND finals </3 thats right </33 finals too </33)

You’ve been bragging about your braggable boyfriend for around a year now, and now you’re worried if you’ve bragged about him too much.

Today is the day. Donghyuck is going to meet your family. After months of postponing and delaying, he’s coming home with you for Christmas, a very big deal for your family, it’s like a big present for them.

"Holy shit. Holy shit holy shit holy shit. Hyuck I’m gonna die. I’m screwed. Tell them I love them.”

You were clearly overreacting, it can never be that bad. Your boyfriend snorts, squeezing your hand reassuringly as you two make your way up the stairs. You wish something happens within the short span of time until you get to the door.

“Babe it can’t be that bad, you’ve told them lots about me, right?” You shoot Donghyuck a quick glare, before nodding a bit reluctantly, “I think a bit too much though.” To your dismay there are no people around to stop you, nobody to stop and postpone the meeting for. Darn Christmas holidays. “Do you think they won’t like me?”

This time, it’s you who lets out a quick laugh, “No, they will love you. They’re gonna tell you all my embarrassing stories and phases in my life. Oh my god no, no no no, you can’t know. Let’s turn around, yeah?” Donghyuck ruffles your hair playfully with a shake of his head. “Really? But we’re already here! And I see your brother by the window there.”

You instantly light up when you see Sungchan’s familiar bright smile, laughing affectionately when he starts to jump up and down and yell something. Once you get in front of the door, you can finally hear what he’s been yelling, “JAEHYUN HYUNGGGG!!!!! THEY’RE HERE THEY’RE HERE!!!”

You don’t even have to knock on the door, it already swings open to reveal both your brothers with bright smiles on their faces, bright smiles that brightens up your own. “NOONA!” Sungchan rushed up to you and instantly wraps his arms around your waist, giggling into your chest as you embrace him back just as tightly.

He then turns to your boyfriend, with even lighter eyes, and to your surprise, he gives Donghyuck a hug as well, “It’s nice to finally meet you!” Donghyuck stumbles back a bit and is definitely startled, but eventually he becomes soft and wraps his arms around your brother with a small smile. “Y/n’s told me lots about you,”

Sungchan pulls away enthusiastically, jumping up and down, “Wait! Let me go get mom!” And in an instant later, he’s dashed into his house yelling out for his mother. Your eldest brother, Jaehyun, smiles brightly at the sight of Donghyuck tugging nervously at your hands, a light chuckle leaving his lips gloriously.

He walks up to you, and you spread your arms out for a hug, but all that happens is your hair you spent 20 minutes on getting ruined by him ruffling his hand through it. “Nice to see you’ve finally got it together and got a nice boyfriend, twerp.”

“G-good? I’ve always had taste, Jeffery!” You scowl and push your brother’s hand away from your hair, huffing and shaking your head to fix the messy mop of strands. Jaehyun then turns to Donghyuck, his eyes practically shining with stars when your boyfriend bows politely.

Jaehyun nudges at your shoulder, “Wow, you’ve got a good one.” He snickers when you groan and swat him away once again, before turning back to Donghyuck with the same smile as before. To your boyfriend’s shock, and definitely to yours, Jaehyun leans down to give Donghyuck a brotherly hug, almsot melting into his embrace. What is up with your brothers today?

Christmas music can be heard softly from in the house, and despite being outside you can hear Sungchan beckoning your mother to go outside to see you and Donghyuck. It warms your heart, it feels so raw, and it’s even better with Donghyuck by your side. Jaehyun quickly lets your boyfriend go, when your mother’s voice rings out nostalgically and warmly greeting you with a warm smile, “Y/n! How are you dear?”

You run into her arms with no hesitation, feeling especially excited after so many months of missing her. The feeling of home rushes over your senses at your mother’s familiar embrace, sighing when she clings harder and sways side to side. A delightful smile curls your lips upward as you mumble a small response, “I missed you so much,”

The second she pulls away she’s patting your cheek softly, chuckling, before she notices Donghyuck behind you. His nervosity is so intense that all your family members can sense it wherever you are, and you find it frankly funny. His eyes are practically shaking when your mom approaches him with slow movements. Sure, they’ve met through facetime, but that’s nothing compared to a face-to-face encounter.

A cheeky smile creeps up to your cheeks when your mother stretches out to grab ahold of Donghyuck’s hands, holding them gently. (you assume it’s because of how much they’ve been shaking) “It’s nice to meet you in person, Donghyuck-ah,”

At her soft words, you notice Donghyuck slightly melt in relief and comfort, his smile growing 2 times bigger, “Y/n’s told me so much about your family,”

Beside you, Sungchan tugs at your hand, “Let’s go inside, mom and I made cookies!”

Indeed, they made cookies. They made great cookies.

Donghyuck hums loudly in bliss the moment he bites into a freshly baked cookie, closing his eyes and leaning onto you, “You should learn to bake like Sungchannie, Y/n,”

From deep in the kitchen, you hear your little brother snort loudly, “I would teach her for free Hyung, trust me.”

A scowl is the only response from you, as you munch harshly on the (delicious, but you wouldn’t admit it) cookie and shrug Donghyuck off your shoulder. Your boyfriend cackles out at your pettiness, wrapping his arm around your waist to tug you close to him.

You can’t stop the smile from spreading through your face when he tries to nudge another cookie at your lips, the ‘say aaa’s he says right by your ears resonating through your head. With a glance at the cute expression on his face, a light laugh falls from your lips, and you open your mouth to take a bite.

“They’ve been here for 15 minutes and are already all over each other.” At Jaehyun’s comment, you give him a dirty look and finish yet another cookie you stole from the fresh batch. “Hey! You were even worse with that random girl last year! Where is she now, Jae??”

Your older brother chuckles, walking over to help Sungchan and make sure he doesn’t burn himself, “She’s spending Christmas with her family this year.” You turn away from his teasing gaze with your head high up in the air, eyes shut in fake arrogance, “It’s your turn to suffer from the lovey-dovey stuff now.” (Sungchan grimaces in the corner, pulling his mittens off harshly, “When’s it not my turn?”)

“At least mom’s happy I brought Donghyuck home.”

“I’m happy you brought a good one this year, unlike the one 5 years ago,”

“THAT WAS A HIGH SCHOOL FLING! MY TASTE WAS BAD BACK THEN!”

Donghyuck chuckles and leans on the counter, resting his head on his hand as he gazes at your family argument, “Glad you don’t think I’m bad,” When you glance at him, and the soft look he has, you look away, flustered, “Hyuck you’re like.... my first good boyfriend.” Your voice grows quieter towards the end of the sentence, and suddenly you feel so flustered for some reason. The soft Christmas music fills the silence, and you grow even more embarrassed.

You turn your head cautiously to see the reactions of each of your loved ones, surprised to see a warm look in each of their eyes, as if they’ve seen a puppy tumble and get right back up. Your mother bites her lip to contain the squeals when you make eye contact with your boyfriend, choosing to continue her cookie work and look away when you shift in sheepishness and try to act nonchalant.

Sungchan decides to break the tension, placing the last batch of cookies in a jar, “Speaking of boyfriends, Shotaro’s brother is bringing his boyfriend when they come to visit.” Donghyuck breaks away from the sudden daze of love he had, turning to Sungchan with interest, “Really? So how many people are we expecting?”

“Around 3 more people,” Your little brother replies, “More if Sicheng hyung invited his Chinese friends as well.”

“Wow Sungchan, you’re quite the popular one aren’t you?” Sungchan smiles smugly at the sudden boast, proudly nodding as he tries to shrug cooly. You appreciate Donghyuck complimenting him, it’s not everyday your boyfriend gets along with your family, and definitely not always when Jaehyun greets him with a hug.

The next day, you wake up late (as usual after a movie night), and you go downstairs only to see your older brother and boyfriend eating their breakfasts next to each other on the couch as they watch yet another Christmas movies and talk about something.

They acknowledge you, but don't bother stopping anything to talk to you. You're glad they do, you wouldn't understand anything they would say with such a hazy state of mind. Pulling out a carton of chocolate milk from a big pack (presumably Sungchan and Shotaro's), you trudge back to the living area and sit on Jaehyun's usual spot.

There's snow outside, you notice, it's pretty thick. You don't realize in your half-asleep form, but both men have stopped talking and are now staring at your sleepy form.

"Y/n, you should eat actual food, and not just drink chocolate milk."

The statement is unexpected, and all you to is stop sipping and look at Jaehyun with questioning eyes.

"He's right, go eat some cereal, boo."

Your face scrunches up at the sudden pet name he would never use on you, already standing up to obey his orders, "Since when did you call me boo? Also, where's mom and Sungchan?"

"Since now, boo. And mom and Sungchan are out getting Christmas gifts."

Your heart leaps at the fact that Donghyuck called your mother 'mom' so comfortable already, you wouldn't blame him after last night when she was especially paying close attention to him and taking care of him nicely. Not to mention the fact that she added and added to his plate instead of her own children's.

You hum back as a reply, pouring some coco pops in a bowl (both the cereal and bowl are Sungchan's), before pouring in a generous amount of milk into the bowl. You smile down at the nostalgic breakfast you used to eat everyday, when was the last time you had cereal?

Instead of joining back to the living room, you decide to eat on the counter, which is right by the window, and admire the twinkling snow covering the ground. You live in the city with Donghyuck, which doesn't have that much snow, but here outside the city, the snow is so beautiful and evident, you just want to sleep in it like it was a warm bed -except it wasn't warm at all.

Still a little bit asleep, you don't notice Jaehyun in the kitchen with you until he speaks up and startles you once again, "You wanna go outside and make snow angels like we used to?"

Your shock bubbles into excitement at the suggestion, quickly nodding with a big smile on your face.

"Then eat up quickly, I'll meet you outside."

He leaves you alone in the kitchen, yelling a 'we're gonna go play in the snow, you wanna come man?' to Donghyuck, to which he gets a 'fuck yeah!' in return.

And like that your bowl of cereal is in the sink, long abandoned by you, the you who is currently throwing on your padded jacket and slipping on some boots hurriedly. You can already hear the yells of it being so cold from your boyfriend, and the loud boyish laugh from your beloved brother on the other side of the door.

You can feel the excitement coursing through your veins, it feels good, you haven't felt like this in so long. You finally open the door, and step outside onto the cold snow. Just as a blissful smile reaches your lips, there's a struck of ice cold trickling down your neck and back.

You turn to find the culprit is no other than Lee Donghyuck himself, laughing along with Jaehyun at your shocked expression.

You don't even waste a second, you're instantly picking up a handful of snow and patting it in your hands securely and creating an imperfect, but firm snowball. With no hesitation, you launch it into the air with all your force, and to your utter delight it his Donghyuck straight at his chest.

"HAH! TAKE THAT!"

Your celebratory dance is short-lasted, as you know if you stayed in spot for too long you would be attacked as well. With playful laughs and taunts, you rush past the 2 men and behind the tree for (poor) protection.

You need to make snowballs, you need to make them quick. Gathering as much snow as you can in your hands, you squeeze hard only for a few seconds, before gently dropping the snowball and repeating this process for as much snowballs as you can muster. You can hear the faint discussion of your temporary rivals, the more shuffling in the snow gives you that feeling of thrill.

There's a spilt second of silence, no shuffling in the snow anymore, no whispers of which side which will take. The second, is of course, like every other second, short, before you hear yells and feel the coldness of the snow hit your skin like gunshots.

Dropping all your snowballs, you act like it was a gunshot, falling dramatically to the ground as you clutch your hands to your stomach, "I've been shot! I've been wounded! Jae, Hyuck, tell Sungchan and mom my will is all to them."

"What about us?"

You pant dramatically and point at them accusingly, "You fuckers get nothing." Your head rolls back to the snow, your hand falling over your stomach as you hold your breath.

A fake sniffle falls from Jaehyun's lips, and he kneels down next to your 'dead' form, "WHAT HAVE WE DONE?!" He takes your hand in his, "WHAT HAVE WE DOOONNNEEE!!",Your boyfriend slowly falls next to your as well, this time cradling your face in his hands, "We're monsters.... WE'RE MONSTERSSS!"

He flops right on top of you, burying your body deep in the snow, "WE'RE SORRY Y/N, WE'VE LET YOU DOWN! WE'VE FAILED YOUUU!" A smile cracks through your numb, icy face, and you let out a hearty chuckle at the small skit you've started.

"Okay, get off me I'm cold!"

"No! You said you wouldn't give us any of your will!"

"Wait no! I'm starting to feel numb! I'm sorry I swear you'll get a little bit!"

Donghyuck shuffles a bit, before he carries himself off your body. The tingling ice cold sensation of snow doesn't fade away, instead it becomes even sharper when Jaehyun splats a pile of snow on top of your head. He giggles cheekily and runs back into the house when you send him a glare, leaving you and Donghyuck alone in the snow.

To your delight he has the decency to at least help you up from your seat on the ground, thoughtfully brushing away the snow on your shoulders, "I like your brother, he's very playful."

You give him a quick look, "Reminds you of someone?"

Donghyuck bumps your shoulder as he laughs, rushing past you towards the house, "Race you there!"

Yes, reminds you exactly of Donghyuck.

It wasn't long until Sungchan's Japanese friend and his brother came. Just 3 days after you and Donghyuck arrived. And just like your little brother mentioned, his Japanese friend's brother brought his boyfriend. His boyfriend's friends decided to turn down the offer, instead wanting to spend Christmas with their own families.

You clicked with them instantly, and it's no doubt your boyfriend did either.

"Taro! You have to see the new soccer shoes I got for my birthday!"

The said boy gapes, practical stars shining in his eyes, "Soccer shoes? Dude, you have to show me some moves in them!"

The two lads scatter off upstairs to Sungchan's room, where you could hear stomping and loud thuds. You remember the first time you caught Sungchan practicing soccer, it was when you had enough with the loud noises and went to complain, only to find your brother covered in sweat with a ball in his arms.

Ever since that day you would help him, whether it was saving up with Jaehyun to get him his first ever pair or driving him to soccer fields and accompany him as he played, you've grown used to all of it (and grown to love it as well).

Jaehyun comes in the room with the collection of Christmas movies he had stocked somewhere deep in his room, you wouldn't dare going in there. Last time he had even cleaned it up or even actually lived there, he was in his angsty teenage days. There was no way you would go in there.

"Okay, what do you guys want to watch?" He stops right in front of the TV with 5 DVD's in his hands, observing each one with contemplation. "We've got A Christmas Carol, Home Alone, Polar Express, Love under the-"

"Oh God, not Love under the Christmas table!"

You snicker at Sicheng's upset tone as he slumps in his seat, rolling his eyes, "Ten's forced me to watch it soooo many times. And it's so cheesy too!"

"Jae has it just because of his girlfriend~" Jaehyun groans at your words, pointing a finger at your face in betrayal, "You promised not to tell anyone!"

This is what you like about Christmas, getting back together with family and friends, it's affectionate moments like these that you miss. You miss teasing your brothers. But the fact if it happening so rarely and only 3-4 times a year makes it extra special when you do.

"Shotaro! Sungchan! We're gonna watch some movies, what do you guys want to watch?"

At the mention of a movie marathon, both young boys look at each other briefly, before somehow telepathically agreeing on racing to the couch. They land next to you with belly-flops and giggles, hitting at one another as they shift comfortably in their seats.

"How about A Charlie Brown Christmas?" Jaehyun suggests with a friendly smile, looking up to the two boys for their confirmation. You thought they would agree, even you would, but apparently they had different plans.

Shotaro deadpans at the childish option, "Are you serious? What's a Christmas movie night without starting with Polar Express? I swear you adults have no taste." There's a nod from Sungchan, as he nudges for his best friend as some kind of hyping up action. They stop and laugh mischievously for a moment, elbowing and knee bumping, you don't understand at all. You miss having friends as a child.

You try to stifle your laugh at the look on Jaehyun's face, but you seem to fail so, a small snicker coming from you as he selects Polar Express with dark eyes. Your brother walks to his empty armchair, plopping down with a deep sigh.

Maybe Sungchan and Shotaro are right, Christmas marathons must start with Polar Express, It's just how it is. Or maybe A Christmas Carol, but that scared Sungchan so it's no longer and option.

At this point, you don't realize your mother and boyfriend walking in the living room from the kitchen, where your boyfriend insisted on helping with the dishes, the movie already captivating your attention as you stare at the familiar scene you've watched just so many times already. Donghyuck flops to the far left, next to Yuta, and instantly melts into the warm atmosphere, his attention adverting to the TV screen as well.

It's just halfway through the long movie when both young boys completely pass out, of course they weren't going to last that long. Shotaro is leaning on your shoulder, mouth open with small, quiet sneers pouring out his lips peacefully. Your younger brother is leaning forward next to his friend, occasionally nodding awake but falling asleep only seconds later.

You want to reach out past Shotaro and bring his head to your lap or something, but that would just wake the young boy on your shoulder. Instead, you just keep an eye out for him, and make sure to always check up on him.

Just to your luck, Donghyuck notices as well all the way from the other couch, and decides to take action when Sungchan almost face-plants to the floor. He swiftly stands up to pick your brother up to replace himself in the spot, and drape Sungchan's body over his as he secures him in a warm embrace.

At first, you're shocked and taken aback, Donghyuck was always unexpected but you never would have thought he'd cuddle your brother. It's a warming sight to see, 2 important people in your life being so comfortable and affectionate despite knowing each other only for a short span of time.

Donghyuck rubs Sungchan's back with care when he shifts in his embrace, eventually pressing his plush cheek flush against his shoulder, lips puckering out adorably.

A sudden wave of gratitude splashes over you like the waves washing up on the shore, towards nobody in particular. You're just very grateful for the fact that you have such a nice family, a warming family that will always welcome you with open arms whenever, grateful to Jaemin who introduced you to Donghyuck, grateful for having a chance to be in such an atmosphere.

This Christmas is very special to you, your boyfriend and your family meeting, you honestly thought they wouldn't like him that much, but now you're pretty sure they love him more than you do.

[shintorikhazumi]

“Diana.”

A/N: To be honest, I had wanted this to be a Diana-centric fic, from Diana’s perspective. I struggled to find a concept, and had a little help from a friend who sent me a random generator. (Thanks, Kate :>) And when I thought I’d just choose from a randomly generated idea, I came across this video on youtube which was actually a compilation of a tiktok series of the story of two neighbors. Of course, I changed bits of it, and obv the end so if you think you know what the source vid is, dw. I won’t hurt y’all like that ;-; And I’ll just link it at the bottom so no plot spoilers for those who don’t know what it is. Eyyyy.

This fic has a few song recs for y’all to listen to if you haven’t heard them already, lol. ;)

I had been looking for something... “emotional” for Diana’s bday fic. And I think... this works. At least for me, it does.  It’s not from Diana’s perspective, but... I think this works. So without further ado, Happy birthday Diana and...

oh, thank you to @tracedinairlwa​ for some help with the music :> that y’all will see later in the fic :’>. Without further ado,

Enjoy?

~Shintori Khazumi

 It all started with a sunset and a few familiar notes from a piano.

No, it isn’t Akko’s piano. Her piano has been sitting in a corner of her room, collecting dust- untouched for months. And that is just the thing. Unless her piano has somehow become cursed and has decided to ghostly play on its own, then there had to be some other source.

The source of that gentle sound, Akko eventually pinpoints, is her apartment wall- or more accurately, what lies beyond that separator.

As she sits on her couch, admiring the expressive tones, her mind has decided that it wants to capture this special moment, and keep it stored lest she never experiences it again.

Making a quick dash for her bedroom, she opens her bedside drawer and fishes for her old camera from her university days in film club, back when she was an actual student of the Arts and all that creative jazz. She has tried to maintain it, but being under lockdown allows her few chances of seeing the outside world, and the few corners of her home don’t exactly spark ‘inspiration’ for any project.

Dusting the device off gently, she takes it back to the living room, placing it on her coffee table facing herself. She clicks the record button, thinking of making an introduction; but she quickly abandons that idea as she realizes it may take away from the sounds she wants to ring more apparent on tape.

Maybe she can just edit a few captions later on her laptop. Yes. That sounds good.

So she sits.

And the notes kept playing.

 //

[Video Diary(?) Diary? Is this a Diary? Day... Day 1. I hope it’s only Day 1. I hope there’s a day 2. And a three... and a five.

So anyway, Akko here. And uh... I got a new neighbor, I think. He/she plays the piano. I do too (kinda. Haven’t done that in a while, hehe).

I don’t know why I recorded this... this must seem like I’m being a creep, but... They just... played Chariot’s Melancholy from my favorite show and... it felt sadder than usual. The sound felt sorrowful. I don’t know...

I’m... moved.]

//-//-//-//-//

She does not know what compels her today, to slip that message under her neighbors door; but before she can even think about her actions, they’d already been done.

A simple, “can you please play ‘Ease My Mind’ by Ben Platt, maybe?” haphazardly scrawled on a piece of notebook paper is delivered with the anxious feelings of an interaction-craving Akko, starved of a social life since all this pandemic misfortune began.

She is sure she no longer knows how to string a proper introduction together after nearly a year of being by her lonesome.

This is about to change however. Starting today.

Maybe.

She counts down the hours ‘til sunset.

//

[Day 2! Yey! So uh... I kind of... went on the attack- no! I didn’t attack anyone! I just... You know how I have a new neighbor that plays the piano? I sent that neighbor a note.

And you might think that’s all fine and cute, but... I’ve never even met my neighbor... but...

I love his/her music. So much.

And I told them. On the note, of course. Duh, Akko.

I asked them to play ease my mind and... they did.

As you can hear in the video... I guess it was a yes. :>

 ...They eased my mind...

-Akko]

 //-//-//-//-//

She wants to try something today.

She has been thinking about it the past few days after continually being blessed with such beautiful music. Music that had attracted her like moth to a flame. The piano’s daily sunset singing compels her to come reunite with her own.

She had wiped it clean earlier in the morning and now sits awkwardly on the bench, punching down a random note here and there.

What a nostalgic tone.

The C major scale then the G. She plays it. A few arpeggios to warm up. F sharp major doesn’t sound too good, with her fingers tangling up as she traverses the scale. What was the fingering supposed to be like again? Right. Start with the fourth and second finger on the left and right hand respectively.

That sounds much better.

She hums a few tunes, choosing from a playlist arranged in her mind. She settles on something gentle and sweet. A Yiruma song. Just to get the feeling back in her hands.

A river flows as notes along the plain that is her silent room, adorning the quiet flourishes and curves, bringing color to her atmosphere.

She misses this. This tingle in her heart as music fills up her entire soul, not allowing her to think of anything else but this exact moment.

Yes.

This... This is nice.

And Akko plays until the sunset comes.

She can’t wait for it to come.

//

[Day 6. I... I haven’t played the piano in a while, and I’m a little rusty. But brave ol’ Akko here thought it’d be great to ask for a duet from the virtuoso across the drywall, haha. I left a note...

And I though we had something going. I was excited... I said that they could play once I stopped my part, but... did they forget? Or I guess they didn’t hear me.  

It’s okay... I can try again tomorrow.

I hope. Tomorrow...

-This has been Akko.]

//-//-//-//-//

She excitedly videos this weekend ‘meet-up’.

Akko still doesn’t know who lives across the wall, but she sure knows his or her favorite songs by now, hearing it daily at the same sunset hours.

She admires the music, as usual, but this time it’s different. This time, they had sent her a note. An apology for missing out last time.

They request a duet with her, to make up for it. Of course, Akko accepts. And now she starts it off, praying and hoping her sound is heard through the barrier that keeps their music apart.

She ends her part of the duet, waiting in the most agonizing few seconds of silence. She briefly worries that her neighbor had forgotten their proposition; or maybe they couldn’t hear her once more.

It’s fine, she thinks... It’s okay. She scratches her cheek, wondering if she should hold on until next time again-

There it is. That beautiful sound, so personal to the one living across the wall. A sound of emotion that could only belong to whoever it was living there.

Akko had never heard anyone else play the way her neighbor did.

She laughs, she feels herself tear up a little. It hurts so sweet in her chest. It’s a fizzy, bubbling excitement. It’s a stretched-out joy across her cheeks.

A success!

A beautiful one, indeed.

//

[Day 8: Akko here. My wish came true. I... got to play with my neighbor! Yay!

... Maybe I should go meet them now...]

//-//-//-//-//

They do it again.

Akko excitedly bounces in her warmed piano seat, listening to her neighbor go first this time around. She listens intently. Once the wall music stops, she starts. This was their agreement, their deal.

The river’s flow stills a moment, and that’s Akko’s cue to pick up the current’s pace once more.

She plays with shy gusto, caressing the keys in a way that shows how she’s fallen in love again. With the piano? With music? Yes. With- ...

Love, huh. It’s such perfect timing too.

Today is Valentine’s day.

Akko doesn’t know whether or not her neighbor has anyone special in her life like that, but if they share the same situation, all alone in their apartments, locked in by the pandemic, she just wants them to know she receives the message their music is trying to get across to one another.

Her heart feels it. It translates it.

It cherishes it.

//

[Day 13.

Dear Neighbor,

I just... wanted to share the words we’ve exchanged, not through any verbal means, but through the sounds that reverberate against the very foundations of our connected homes. Thank you for this message.

I know that music is... our way of simply saying

“I don’t know who you are ... But I’m here. You’re not Alone.” This is for you too.

-Sincerely, Akko.]

//-//-//-//-//

It is a challenge.

For Akko or for her neighbor, she doesn’t know. What she does know is that tomorrow is going to be the big day! She’s finally going to see the face behind the songs that have embraced her tenderly throughout the lonely struggle she hadn’t realized had weighed down on her so heavily.

The interactions they’ve had, the conversations, they brighten up her everyday, and Akko is somewhat afraid she’s gotten attached; addicted- if you will- to this unique bond she’s formed with another she has never actually met.

Her mind strays from her current piece, body autopiloting a song called, “Mind Conductor” that both of them just so happen to like, apparently. Another fact that makes Akko feel all giddy as they seem to share a taste in other media outside of music.

She feels herself vibrate with nerves and excitement.

It’s tomorrow. Tomorrow is the day.

//

[We’re Finally Meeting.

Tomorrow.]

//-//-//-//-//

Akko tells a story.

She’s met her neighbor, not knowing what to expect. Despite having a lack of said expectations, she could confidently say it was better than anything she could have anticipated.

She rolls up the sleeves of her flannel shirt, readying herself to write the melodious response to the already playing tune in the background of her video.

Though she tries to listen intently, waiting for her turn, she is distracted. She knows she is.

After meeting someone as wonderful as her neighbor.

Blonde hair and blue eyes invade her recall, flashes of a soft smile and calm voice playing over and over in her head.

Her neighbor is the most gorgeous woman she’s ever met. Breath-taking. Akko says this with utmost objectivity as her lungs struggle to function after first meeting the lady.

Hailing from Scotland, the twenty-five-year-old had introduced herself to Akko. They exchanged a few pleasantries, some questions and information.

Akko had asked how she’d never known she had such a talented neighbor, to which the response was an admission from the woman that she had just moved in and was only staying in the adjacent apartment temporarily while awaiting for a relative to come for her after selling their old house back in their hometown.

Her mother... rests. Having had a certain heart disease for a while, her immune system had proven very susceptible to the pandemic reaper that had claimed her life for its tallied count. She never knew her father, it seemed.

Akko’s heart breaks as she remembers these things.

“All I have left is the piano.”

That’s what she’d said to her earlier.

Akko’s fingers glide across the keys, playing her role in this drama for two.

“I play at sunset because my mother came home at that time from work... she was always stressed.

...I wanted to be of help to her. I was happy she loved it. As I grew up, it became a habit.”

Akko fumbles with a few keys, making a slight mistake. She hopes her neighbor can forgive her for being so distracted at the moment, and right after they’d finally met too.

“Thank you, Miss-”

“Akko is fine.”

“Thank you, Akko. You’re playing has, in truth, kept me motivated and less lonely.”

Akko remembers having promised before their parting to their respective units that she would keep playing with her until she moves out.

Akko blushes upon remembering the stunning smile she was offered afterwards.

Her neighbor had been camera shy and so Akko didn’t get the opportunity for a picture. She hopes for the best in the future. She’ll try again if ever the lovely lady was ready.

They have time, anyway.

They do.

//

[Day 20, folks! Akko here, writing another video caption entry, Diary, thing... haha. The song playing right now in the video is gorgeous right? It’s... her favorite song. It’s called, ‘In case you don’t live forever’. She said it keeps her loser to her mother. It keeps her in her heart.

She plays so beautifully...

She’s just as beautiful. She’s amazing.

She’s... a special soul.

I feel goosebumps.

I’m glad. For her. Her music doesn’t sound as sorrowful as when I first heard it. It’s still every bit as emotional, though. I could cry. Really, I could...

...I’m so happy she’s healing.

It’s a process, but... I’ll be here. I’ll be here for her.

I’ll be here for you,

“Diana.”]

//-//-//-//-//

There are times when Akko thinks she’d like to get to know her neighbor more, a little more chatting, a few more minutes talking. 

However, it always seems as though there’s this unspoken rule. This... ‘don’t-get-too-close’, ‘don’t-ask-more-than-you-should’. It’s like a boundary that keeps Akko from learning more, discovering more.

Neither of them purposely meet-up outside their closed doors either, this lockdown and what-not all up in their face.

They see each other around the building sometimes, wave a hand, shake a plastic bag of groceries, but building protocols don’t really allow loitering in the halls, and Akko feels she’d be crossing a line in inviting the girl over, and she doesn’t see herself getting invited instead either.

Despite this longing, she isn’t all too dissatisfied with the current standing of their relationship. Peculiar as it may be, she rather likes this.

A relationship built on a communication based on raw emotion delivered through their music.

If Akko ponders it deeply, it’s quite an intimate relationship, what they have. Thoughts and feelings in their purest form- unspoken, but not hidden.

She might not know too much about Diana. She may not know much of her past, or even her present, or general objective facts about the woman.

But what Akko does feel she knows is Diana’s heart. 

And Akko knows its utterly beautiful.

//-//-//-//-//

Moonlight Sonata has never felt so sad to her; its sounds reflecting something they both felt, Akko believed.

Akko feels her heart clench and ache in her chest, her face a little hot and her palms sweating.

Only a week left before the clock strikes twelve and the magic is broken.

Diana is finally moving out.

It is... their final duet.

How unfortunate.

Akko sighs, thinking about the pain she’ll feel later as she edits this portion of the video. Compared to the happy tones and build ups of all the others, this... is something she doesn’t know if she can do.

Maybe she can ask Amanda for a favor this time around?

She’s actually shown some of her closest friends her video logs, and they all had sent kind messages to Akko’s new friend, who in turn, felt worlds and worlds happier.

Akko feels happy as well.

Diana’s joy is contagious. It shows through her expressive music that gives away the feelings her face doesn’t show.

Speaking of Diana’s face... she still hasn’t agreed on showing her face on camera. Akko supposes it’s still too early. Maybe before she leaves? Oh Akko hopes so. She wants to have something to look at physically to remember Diana by. Not that she’d ever forget.

Still, a little memory help never hurt anyone.

Diana’s turn comes in smoothly through the wall, Akko unable to keep her smile from forming.

She’s going to miss this. The playing; the sometimes awkward, but unconventionally amazing duets; the letters shoved underneath door; and the very rare hallway meet-up where Akko can only smile at Diana as they exchange a literal word or two.

Akko reminisces.

The past... two months now, have been amazing. Incredible. Life-changing. Akko wonders what the future has in store for them both after they part.

Maybe they could meet again. Someday. Somehow. Somewhere.

Akko knows she’ll keep playing still. At the same time, on a weekend, as the sunsets. For Diana. She’s promised she’ll keep making the video logs. She’ll send them over to her so that they can still keep this music alive in some way.

//-//-//-//-//

[Day 62.

Hi, Diana. It’s me, Akko.

I... wrote you a song...? Or well, I started to... I’m not quite done yet, hihi. Got a little too ambitious and all... thought I could add some other instruments besides our- the piano... aha..haha...

When you first told me your story, I started picturing it out. A life dyed with all the colors of the spectrum. From the vivids to the grays, it was such a lovely imagery in my minds eye. A painting I could not get out of my head.

And so this song is... yeah. That.

A story.

A story about this wonderful twenty-five-year-old woman who so happened to move next door to this uninspired artist. She’d lost her mother to a stupid virus, and she’d never known her father. Her house got sold, and she had only one distant relative she knew of left.

She spends her days along in a box of white walls and empty silence. That is, until the sun decides to rest for the day, and it sends its golden rays of energy to the girl and to her piano that she thought to be her sole companion in this tragedy.

She plays her favorite songs, filling the emptiness with her own emotions; making the intangible manifest itself and cause a dumb girl next door to one day slip a scratch of paper underneath her door, asking for a song.

A note with a request... and with a message that she’d heard her feelings- her loneliness; and that she’d never let her be alone anymore.

And that’s how they became friends, huh, Diana?

Two pianos, Two people, and a wall that keeps them apart.

They didn’t know who was playing on the other side. But did it matter?

In this dreary, blackened time of the world,

‘You can be the light of somebody else’ darkness, so keep shining.’.

Dear Diana,

In case my playing isn’t as emotionally expressive as yours, I hope you at least know this now. Through this video.

That you were, and are... my light.

-Akko.

P.S. I hope I finish the song and give it to you before you leave.]

//-//-//-//-//

 She feels herself hyperventilating, her vision bleary. She can barely stand. She feels like vomiting, and dying, and screaming all at once.

Her anxieties run rampant all over the room.

If this keeps up, she may as well hurt herself beyond help.

She trudges over to the one thing that could ground her at the moment.

The piano.

Her hands are shaky as they do multiple attempts to turn on the keyboard, hitting the wrong buttons and turning the volume knob up too loud that when Akko accidentally leans against the keyboard, hand pressing down on many keys, the sound almost blows up her eardrums.

She curses, smashing a hand against those same keys, the cluster of notes echoing through her apartment walls.

“aaaaAAAAGGHHHHHHHH!!!!”

She allows the scream to tear out of her throat; emotions, wild horses finally released into the open.

“AGH! AGGHHHH!!! RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH”

She falls face first onto the keys, now ignoring the loudness of their noise, momentarily thinking it would be better to allow her ears to bleed out so she’d never hear a thing again.

She wants something, anything, to drown out the pain she feels right now.

...

She sobs against the keys, head lifting as she apologizes to her piano, wiping off the tears that are quickly replaced by fresh ones.

Akko gives up and plays a note. Then two.

Then she’s playing ‘you’ll be in my heart’ and she’s crying more.

She lets herself cry as she plays.

Today, she was supposed to see Diana off. She had left a final note the day before yesterday, asking if she could do so. Help Diana carry her things, maybe swap numbers, and just... maybe keep this connection going for years to come.

Last night, she’d said good night at Diana’s door.

The girl gave her the sweetest smile, an almost unnoticeable blush on her features.

Oh, but Akko noticed anyway.

Of course, she would. With how shamelessly she stared at Diana at that moment.

Diana laughed, stepping closer and patted Akko on the cheek- kissed her there- before turning about to shut the door, along with the lights Akko saw go off from underneath it.

She was excited for the morning.

But when morning came... Diana was gone.

Akko had been thrown into confusion and a frantic state that she’d bolted all around, searching for signs or a left behind message.

Nothing.

She had then run down to ask the land lady, and that’s where she’d found out.

The heart disease Diana’s mother had was hereditary.

Diana had had an attack, and with an emergency alerting device, she’d been able to contact her only family, and had been taken to the hospital.

That was good.

That gave Akko relief and joy.

...so why is she despairing now?

...She didn’t know.

No, not the reason for her despair. She knows that.

The reason she was in this state is because she didn’t know.

She didn’t know what had happened.

She didn’t know Diana had suddenly disappeared in the middle of the night.

She didn’t know where she was, or where whoever took her.

She didn’t know that Diana had that heart disease too.

She didn’t know because she never got to ask.

She never got to learn more, know more.

... Did she not know Diana then?

Her mind taunts her, her heart hurts her.

She doesn’t know a lot about Diana. Not as much as she thinks.

That’s what they tell her.

For all the emotions they’d exchanged through music, that was the extent of it. Had Akko been too presumptuous in thinking she’d known Diana so deeply because of what they’d shared?

When in reality she may as well be a random stranger playing her show tunes and disturbing her neighbors.

Akko almost believes it.

But no... no. She can’t do that. She can’t assume those things. Not about their connection. Not about Diana.

Because Diana had told her once upon a song that she- that Akko had been her light. Her comfort. Akko believes in Diana. So she believes these feelings as well.

Yet these feelings of her own were so conflicting, so daunting. They battle in her mind, questioning and justifying every little thing. All things relating to Diana. Diana and... Diana.

Akko coughs out a few more sobs, throat incredibly dry.

She stops playing for a moment, dragging herself to the kitchen for a glass of water.

Then she goes back to the piano.

She... doesn’t feel like playing again.

What should she play anyway?

What song does she want to play? What song... Song... Song... Diana... What was Diana’s favorite song?

Diana? Song? A song for Diana? A song about-

Akko falls off her piano bench as she scrambles for her coffee table, sighing in relief as the papers for her composition are still there.

With shaky hands, she takes the sheets and a pencil and brings them over to the piano.

And she writes a few notes, then a few bars.

Diana.

Diana.

Who is Diana.

What does Akko not know about her. Her other struggles? Her sickness? Her trials and her fears? Her past?

That melody... sounded too sad for a parting gift. Akko doesn’t want Diana to feel more sorrow when she moves out...

Then....

What does Akko know? About Diana?

“Diana is...”

Expressive, emotional.

Diana is intelligent, an intellectual.

Diana is sincere and sweet.

Diana is talented and tasteful in music.

Diana is... her neighbor, her... new friend,

....Akko’s... what?

What was she to Akko?

“You are my light.”

-Akko ends up writing as a title.

But that’s a little too embarrassing to give to someone who was just your neighbor and a new friend... right?

And maybe it didn’t exactly represent the whole thing Akko had written.

So she erases it, biting her pencil as she tries to come up with a new name, a new caption for this creation.

What could it be. That describes Diana in her entirety; her life, her struggles, her joys.

Who is she? Who is Akko’s neighbor?

Akko scratches her head in frustration, wracking her brains even more.

With a sigh, she replies to herself aloud, the simplest, somewhat plain, and stupidly obvious answer.

“Well, she’s Diana.”

And it clicks.

That she is.

She is Diana.

And Akko throws on a jacket, a mask, and some shoes and thinks no more.

//-//-//-//-//

[Dear Diana,

I know very little about you

But you’ve changed my life.

Really you have.

You gave me back my passion, and a little bit more of that even. Maybe aroused a new passion within me.

I’d say, “You’ll be in my heart”, but that sounds too much of a farewell, to be honest.

And I’d rather not say goodbye just yet.

Not like this.

Music... Is a powerful thing. Despite the rampaging emotions I’d felt as I found out what had happened to you today, I- I kept playing. It grounded me. It helped me.

Diana, you once told me I was your light.

And you know I’ve told you already. That you’ve been MINE.

Diana. This video might look incredibly shaky and chaotic.

But please forgive me for that, and know that it is because I’m running with all my might to find out where you are. I got a hint for the hospital you might have been taken too.

It kinda seems like I’m a stalker now, huh?

I’m sorry. I just... I-

I can’t say goodbye to you....

Not just yet...

I still... have a song for you.

So... wait for me?”]

//-//-//-//-//

Eyes blink, bright white melting into color. They scan the room, looking for hints to identify her location.

Her body aches, her chest hurts. Her throat is parched. Her head is throbbing.

What is that annoying beeping sound-

Ah. Of course.

The hospital.

Again.

She hates it. She hates the smell of antiseptic and sterile sheets. She hates the taste of badly prepared hospital meals, and too-dry food.

The water has this strange quality to it when you’re in the hospital.

She knows this well.

She hates that she does.

She sighs, sinking into her pillows. At least those are comfortable.

Ugh.

What bad timing, really. For an attack.

She was supposed to move out today. She was supposed to meet with her aunt- who actually has probably met up with her by now, seeing as Diana is in a hospital and her usual alert device seems to be charging within reach beside her. Also she sees Daryl’s purse on the seat.

Maybe the woman had gone out temporarily for something important.

That was fine.

It just meant Diana was left alone again. If only for a short while.

...Alone, huh.

These past two months, she hadn’t been that.

All because of one girl, one Atsuko Kagari that she’d met by chance through a piano and through a wall. The sound quite literally carrying over through a wall.

Diana can’t believe she used to be so skeptical of thin-walled living spaces, wondering how people kept their privacy.

Now, however, she feels blessed that that was the case.

Else she’d never have met... her light.

That’s right.

When everything, her vision, her hopes, her heart had steadily been dying out, through her dim came a glow. That glow was the connection she’d found through her neighbor across a wall.

It had surprised her the first time she realized someone was playing alongside her one sunset session, months ago. She would have thought it creepy had the person’s music been any less captivating.

There were just so many colors in the music, there was just so much warmth. It sounded a little rough, a few hinges rusty at first; but it came along after a few pseudo duets, and then Diana had found these duets to be a staple in her life.

Then she met Akko for the first time, and more warmth and color came into her life.

Diana found herself enjoying the musical conversations they had, intrigued by thoughts that they were actually able to communicate in that way and understand one another to that extent, no words attached.

And she enjoyed these nonverbal bonding moments.

But when they actually wrote to one another, or when they’d have their short greetings when they’d meet up in the hall, Diana found herself wanting to draw even closer, to get to know Akko even more.

And when Akko asked if she could do the same, Diana had found it so easy to open up.

She’d loved to know even more about the girl.

But how would she do it now?

They didn’t have the chance to exchange numbers, and Diana was probably moving as soon as she left the hospital. Her things were already being shipped to her new home, after all. There wasn’t much reason to return to her apartment, really.

“Idiot. Stupid, Diana. Not asking her sooner. What are you supposed to do no-”

Two knocks on her door.

It doesn’t open right away. It doesn’t seem to open at all.

Diana deduces it’s not a doctor or nurse then. And it might not be Daryl either because the woman would have already called the attending nurse to open the door already.

So then, who could it be?

Diana tries not to let her mind wander and get her hopes up, because there is no way- just no way- it’s who she hopes it will be.

The door opens, and her breath is unexpectedly bated- and she releases it, seeing it’s just the janitor.

Trying not to let disappointment leak into her tone, she greets him a good mor-

“I’m glad... I was right.... hah... hah... You’re here... Diana.”

And Diana really shouldn’t just assume things such as being wrong, and that maybe her neighbor was a creep two months back.

Because now her neighbor, all frazzled, sweaty, and out of breath, is right there in front of her, a bunch of papers crumpled in one hand as the other is held over her heart, trying to calm herself.

“You... hah... didn’t let m-me... Sa-ha-y goodbye... so... you’re not allowed... to leave me waiting in silence and never respond...” Akko huffs. “There’s no more wall preventing you from using words now.”

Her breathing finally slows, and she manages to look up.

“I still have a song for you, after all.”

Diana doesn’t realize, nor does she feel the tears flowing down her face.

Akko doesn’t either.

“L-Let me know what you think... It’s my first song and all...” She becomes this shy blushing school girl as she approaches Diana’s bedside, awkwardly handing over the worn pieces of paper, all wrinkled up from whatever adventure Akko had been on prior to arriving here. “... then maybe we could play a duet again or something...”

She mumbles it so quietly Diana almost didn’t catch it.

She smiles.

She doesn’t think about the reality that was supposed to occur today had she not been taken to the hospital.

Virtual duets aren’t really her thing. She much prefers hearing sound in person, in real-time. She prefers the ability to adapt and adjust to play alongside someone; to feel expression and emotion first hand; to experience a duet in full.

So it’s a simple reply that she has ready, along with a smile on her face as she takes Akko’s hand in hers.

“I’d love that.”

 //-//-//-//-//

 Diana has told her many times that it’s thanks to her that she was able to recover as quickly as she did, and be out of the hospital in only a week.

Akko sheepishly denies that every time.

They’re both just glad things seem to settle to be alright now.

Diana leans her head against Akko’s shoulder as they share a pair of earphones, listening to the composition play on the latter’s laptop.

“I love it.”

“I know. You’ve told me that the past 4 months, everyday.”

“And I will continue to.”

Akko tries her best to hide the smile that had grown on her face, but it’s impossible. It comes out in laughs and a few soft tears, and she rubs her head against Diana’s.

“You have all the time to, it seems.”

“Yes, and I won’t waste it.” Diana quips, turning her head up to look at Akko with the tenderest of smiles. “Care to play?”

Akko simply smiles, before wrapping Diana up in a hug so deep, and warm, and tender. Without a word, she stands them both up, walking them over to two keyboards now positioned side-by-side.

They take seat. With eyes meeting, and a small nod, they begin.

They don’t need words to figure out the rhythm they’ll fall into, or what they should do, or who plays what part for today.

Akko’s colors seep out, her warmth embedded in her music. Diana’s expressive emotions tell Akko all she needs to know, and they play in harmony.

Together, they tell a story.

A story that began with a sunset and a few familiar notes from a piano.

A story about its music and what lay beyond a wall.

A story once called, “Diana”.

Now,

“Diana and Akko”.

  A/N: ....  Hrmmm... I didn’t like how i ended it, tbh,,, hahaha. I just... lost my thought process now. I’m tired and lost.

Anyway.

Based off this story

The follow-up to this won’t be now, or anytime too soon. Or tbh, I could just end it like this. But there’s this ache in my heart that wants to know what happens next as well. Or more things such as how Diana ended up staying. But well,

...who knows.

Bye for now.

~Shintori Khazumi

[yunsoh]

s3 episode 3 thoughts and oh boy!!! trio time. disaster siblings + yuki time.

- man have i missed the student council. just wow have i missed them 

- tbh my first thought is just how cute kimi is at the start of this ep. also i love that she and yuki have this same problem with the seniors suddenly confessing their love/trying to ask them out before they graduate and while yuki’s sitting here like “i can only hurt their feelings :(” kimi’s straight up like “let them throw a pity party!! whatever” queen

- and of course “what makes a guy attractive is his bank account 💖” fave. and kakeru agreeing with “true facts” god the two of them. mhm.

- the way that kimi decimates nao’s entire life and career in one fell swoop. get his ass. also i find it endlessly funny that nao has a crush on minagawa of all girls because she is point blank the most obnoxious girl in the whole school. like it just seems like he wouldn’t have the patience for her at all LMAO but i guess crushes just do that to your brain sometimes

- the girls calling machi scary for knocking over a bunch of chalk while being dead fuckin silent on haru literally destroying their classroom. actually not even dead quiet the girls literally cleaned up after him. hot privilege. 

- i’m endlessly curious about how this rumor about machi trying to kill her little brother even got around like. i have to assume it was something that slipped from either her parents or kakeru’s mom to other parents of kids who go to the same school/adjacent schools. because obviously it did not come from kakeru and he’s the only other person who knows yk.

- kakeru: *sulks*

- machi: *trots*

- ugh man it’s machi’s parents just continuing to put her own feelings in her mouth and never once letting her have control over her own personhood, down to displaying her thoughts or emotions. “you’ll be more comfortable alone.” also her dad saying that he assumed that machi might try to hurt her brother and treating that as the truth because she’s never had the space to become an individual to them separate from what they project onto her. how much can you hate your child actually.

- also find it interesting that kakeru has never fully questioned whether or not machi actually tried to kill her brother. when he says it to yuki, he says “what those girls said is pretty close to the truth.” and when yuki says he finds it hard to believe, kakeru says he “may be right,” since it’s just the version of the story he heard from his parents. but all things considered i don’t think he’s necessarily ever believed it to be true; he’s just never been able to see machi’s side of the story because she’s been fully closed off to confiding in him, which is mostly because she feels as though she won’t be listened to or understood anyway thanks to the treatment she’s had from her parents.

- that said. kakeru go to jail

- it’s about yuki feeling comfortable enough to engage in physical acts of friendship without so much as thinking about it. yeah :)

- i do find it interesting that kakeru remembers this moment of machi making footprints in the snow when they were younger. it’s something that would probably be easily forgettable but it stuck with him because even he found something a little off about it.

- this whole minute is just such a whirlwind. the little arrows pointing to yuki. machi trying to slam the door on them. kakeru dragging yuki in to the point that he’s tripping over his own feet. yuki calling it the sea of decay with sincerity but machi has no idea what the context is. the bra. machi about to throttle yuki. kakeru finally fucking leaving after getting hit and still being a shit. this all happens in like forty seconds.

- her best quality: her squiggles 

- oh this visual of her having to walk this tightrope with her mom. interesting

- also interesting how young machi sounds in this scene where her mom is talking down on her to another person. i know she must be in her first or second year of middle school (just because kakeru was in middle school when he finally got out of the inheritance situation) but it really drives home just how young she was.

- also heartbreaking because this is a moment where machi is trying to stand up for herself and asking why her mom is saying those things about her when she’s the one who shaped her this way, and she’s just so thoroughly shut down by her that she can’t cope.

- i thought this shot was adapted well, although i think the scene itself is kind of confusing -- in the manga, it’s insinuated that she has this breakdown moment right after this conversation with her mom, and that it’s the first time she reacts this destructively (in the manga her outfit is the same between shots, and it doesn’t appear that she’s in her own apartment yet -- it’s more ambiguously just a home office). here though they change it so that it’s a more recent event -- more like she’s reacting this way because she’s remembering this conversation, rather than reacting directly after it. the outfit she wears in this scene is the same one she wears when her parents are accusing her of trying to hurt her brother, too; it’s also reasonable to read this as her having a breakdown after being left alone in her apartment for the first time. to the team’s credit her window is also broken in the season 2 ep where we see her apartment for the first time, so we can assume that they made this change deliberately.

- yuki is so genuinely kind as usual, but it’s also because he does have a thread of personal understanding of where she’s coming from. he also suffered from being held to an incredibly high standard and was similarly emotionally neglected because of this, but it’s also something he’s come to terms with and has started to heal and move on from. so he’s at a place where he’s able to give her some comfort. even just the simple act of praise for still being here, and just being herself, is something that is so desperately needed.

- kakeru listening in..... boy take ur notes

- literally yuki is like the epitome of being machi’s senior like this moment is just sooo gentle but also protective i think. like he’s really just taking the helm where kakeru has been unable to all this time. he’s her mentor in a way. 

- kakeru’s goofy fucking ringtone and the animation that goes with it. love that

- the chalk-breaking scene did change the game. yuki is just completely on for her to the point that he doesn’t even stop what he’s saying to consider it. he’s just really looking out for her :’(

- rest of the ep under the cut because i know this is gonna be about minagawa lmfao

- oh this new scene is cute? love kyo actually helping out + uo and hana just fucking chilling. also uo hana and yuki only giving a fuck about tohru while kyo falls from like eight feet up.

- yuki literally only coming in for that second lmfao king

- i knew that this would be the minagawa ep and yet when yuki said he had an appointment i was like...... are you....... going to the doctor’s for some reason....... this is a weird reboot addition..............

- the beginning of this scene is weeeeeird what a weird transition to minagawa. also this feels super jarring and i knew this was coming?? like there’s no setup for this being a goodbye to minagawa she’s just suddenly sitting there getting super nostalgic 

- i am grateful though that they didn’t split the time these chapters got completely 50-50. minagawa only getting like five minutes of screentime before gong away forever feels apt.

- minagawa really is just here to say “thank you yuki for being the center of my harassment campaign on the general student body here for these past two years” before bouncing. this isn’t even a point of character development she literally didn’t learn anything.

- the pacing of this feels so WEIRD like. on the one hand, glad it’s only five minutes. on the other hand why was it included at all. it really dampers the rest of the ep and just feels super distracting.

- the dramatic music....... the dramatic flashbacks......... i mean it tracks for her but i just cannot take it seriously lmaooo

- wow the way this is delivered just makes this scene with minagawa feel extra undeserved. like even more so than in the manga. that’s pretty incredible.

- am i going to sit here and make mental parallels between the fact that neither minagawa nor machi actually know yuki personally. like they’ve both been observing him from afar this whole time. like is that the parallel i’m supposed to draw this episode that both of these girls have crushes on him but he hasn’t actually divulged anything personal to either of them. idk. like i know the answer is no and that it’s more fodder for him having a romance plot and whatever but. idk!

- what is happening what is happening what is happening

- this departing song + the shots of the empty school feels so fucking weird. we’re saying goodbye to minagawa and takei. what is being imparted emotionally does not match the actual narrative we are receiving. also feels weird to put a scene with this much “goodbye” emotion in the third episode?

- did i just fast forward through this nao and minagawa scene. maybe.

- oh that’s right we also get hiro at the end of this chapter too. and kagura talking about rin. this pacing is weird

- it still baffles me that rin was able to graduate how tf did she manage that

- wow i really wish these last parts of the ep were moved to the next episode or something. they feel really out of place squashed into the end here. this rin bit definitely deserved more time to let the weight sink in.

[strandedcrow]

thoughts on the glass animals album dreamland? (info dump welcome)

YES hi hello thank you

I talked like,, a lot so I’m sparing y'all with a cut

The album itself is just so well organized and executed it’s insane. The entire album just captures the feeling of taking a nostalgic trip through your own life and the way that it ends up forgotten in a way, sickly sweet and vague, subdued, and so easy to get completely lost in. And part of what makes it so well done is the pure authenticity it’s completely drenched in. The album itself didn’t exist until quarantine hit, they had been taking a break after a band member was injured and had to recover, and that isolation had that same impact on them as it did on most of us, and the result was this extremely genuine album embodying nostalgia itself.

As a band they’ve always done such an incredible job of maintaining a theme throughout their album that is consistent without becoming repetitive. The song Dreamland does such a perfect job of pulling you into the album, easing you into a subdued album, fuzzy around the edges but clear once you can hone in on the details, on what’s being said, perfectly reflective of the theme it’s introducing you to. While it’s doing that it’s also providing a smooth shift from the last song on the album before it, HTBAHB. Agnes leaves that album off on such an extremely a somber, desperate, and lost note, which Dreamland picks up, just as lost in itself, taking off so beautifully from Agnes’ “You’re gone but you’re on my mind, I’m lost but I don’t know why,” and getting into the why. But it does so by warning you first, “You see in kodachrome, you see in pink and gold.” This album is distorted, it’s not right, the colors are wrong and everything is sweeter than it should be. At the same time, it sets up for the songs to follow, like “That worst thing you said” for It’s All So Incredibly Loud and “You were ten years old, holding hands in the classroom, he had a gun on the first day of high school” for Space Ghost Coast to Coast.It’s those vague, unconnected memories that you haven't quite grasped onto yet in full, but you know you’re going to get lost in them once you do. You’re stepping back from the overload of information and action today to visit who you used to be and what made you who you are now.

Right after it, Tangerine does something that Life Itself did for HTBAHB, it smoothened the general sound’s transition between albums. Just as Life Itself, with its beat similar to the album before its own could have fit into ZABA with no issue, Tangerine could have been on HTBAHB without disrupting the album. The “retro” vibe, the themes revolving around both the nostalgia of Dreamland and those of past relationships deteriorating because of missed opportunities and growing apart fits so well into both albums, it’s such a great transition from the past album to the current. The “I’m begging, hands knees please, tangerine” is also a common expression used (often as a double entendre) by them, again like in Life Itself, with its chorus being “Come back down to my knees, gotta get back, gotta get free, come back down to my knees, lean back now, lean back and breathe,” which just sets up for a really smooth callback to previous songs and album. Something else that Tangerine establishes is something that’s been a running theme with Glass Animals since ZABA: fruit. There is a lot of fruit here. It used to be a running joke that Glass Animals wasn’t actually a band, but a cryptic pineapple worshipping cult (no amount of music made will fool me, this is definitely a pineapple cult). This album uses fruit to remind you of the sugary sweetness of nostalgia, but there’s more history and, well, fan specific nostalgia that goes with that metaphor, too.

Hot Sugar is similar to a later song, Waterfalls Coming Out Your mouth, in that it’s about someone who is so cool that they aren’t actually cool. The person isn’t genuine, the idea of them isn’t actually them, but this was someone that you still want to be anyways, because who wouldn’t want to be that cool? The song doesn’t have much deeper meaning underlying it compared to some other’s because that depth doesn’t exist here, with this person. You know they’re “faking it,” but it doesn’t really matter beyond deciding if you actually like them or if you just want to be them, and the answer is the latter. This song is also similar to another, later song, Tokyo Drifting, introducing the listener to this person that he wants to be like, referencing “Hot rubber on the tar,” and setting the stage for the later song to tell you more about what he wanted to be like. Also, once again, through a mention of watermelon, fruit continues to be a recurring theme in the earlier tracks on this album, when the trip through nostalgic memories is still more sweet than bitter.

Right after we get introduced to this idea of who he wanted to be, we move onto what became of someone he knew closely, shared a lot with, and very suddenly lost touch with through Space Ghost Coast to Coast. The music itself is reminiscent of the music he listened to at the time. This song, being a telling of something that actually happened, is so authentic and raw in how it ends up, all still told through the layer of confusion, hurt, and again, that sweetness of nostalgia, with “You look bizarre in the apricot” establishing a deceptively sweet but confused tone over something heavy through yet another fruit metaphor. This song also manages to hit on other songs from the album when he tries to delve into why his friend did what he did, “Were you bored of gender norms,” matching with Dreamland’s “Go ask your questions like “What makes a man?”,” “… of being alone,” matching Heat Waves’ “I don’t wanna be alone, you know it hurts me too,” and “… no mama home, a bad divorce” matching pretty much the entirety of Domestic Bliss. Like Hot Sugar, this song sets up for Tokyo Drifting, with his idea of who he wants to be but isn’t, with “Remember when you stole mom’s old Geo Metro, you wore her old bathrobe, too small to see the road.” There’s also more blatant references being made to both past shooters (Black cap back with a trench coat, ay) and the arguments afterwards of what motivated them (Playing too much of that GTA, playing too much of that Dr. Dre). While he still wants to understand his old friend, and what happened for him to change so abruptly and dangerously, he does not want anything to do with him anymore. It’s a song about a loss of innocence and the understanding that sometimes you just won’t understand why someone does something. It’s just a complete banger in general.

Which then takes us to Tokyo Drifting, which absolutely slaps. The song itself revolves around what he wanted to be like, singing from a new persona rather than his own (Cane Suga from HTBAHB was done through the same persona). It breaks the pattern of referencing to fruit, instead focusing on drugs and alcohol, dropping the sickly sweet lens of nostalgia for something more fitting of the song’s specific theme. Don’t worry, though, dragonfruit was used extremely heavily in this songs promotion as a single, so the fruit is still there, just not directly, and that lack of directly referring to a fruit in the song itself fits with the way that the song breaks from nostalgia of things that have happened and people he knew into something that was never real. There is no rose colored glasses needed for something that never even happened. I don’t have much else to say on it, it just goes hard, this was my most listened to song two years in a row lmao.

Melon and the Coconut is just sheer Glass Animals. It’s weird, it’s fun, and it sounds great. It cleanly splits the album in half, splitting the POV’s straight down the middle while making a reference to its own position in the album, “Sometimes B-sides are the best songs.” Needless to say, there are some super subtle references to fruit in Melon and the Coconut, the song about two fruit.

Then, the second half of the album kicks off with Your Love (Deja Vu), a song extremely similar in theme to previous songs about missed timing, like ZABA’s Pools and HTBAHB’s Pork Soda. Instead of fruit, “juice” is mentioned in this song. It takes the turn from thinking about people you were friends with, what you wanted to be like, to people that you were with, and things that just didn’t work out.

And then there’s Waterfalls Coming Out Your Mouth. It’s such a clean parallel to looking back on things with nostalgia and seeing them through the fake sweetness that time brings, with this song being about the rose colored glasses that were present in the moment, the time when you start getting to know someone but you aren’t actually getting to know them, you’re getting to know this other, more impressive version of them instead, and they get the exact same experience of you on their own end. He’s letting this other person have their own version of him while he has his own version of them in his head, and he knows their version of him is wrong, so he also knows whatever he thinks of them is going to be wrong, too. He knows them, but at the same time he doesn’t. He’s realizing here, that this person, like the Hot Sugar person, is too cool, and they aren’t real, it’s all just talk, and it’s all fake like the “chemical warfare, red lips and television eyewear, raspberry soda hair, in the pool with a blow up gummy bear.” It’s sweet, sure, but it’s also fake. “Chat shit but where’s the real you? Never seen The Price Is Right, I’m a liar been on that shit since ’99. You make me look like a clown, clap clap, you’re a clever clever cookie now” has no right go that hard, and yet it Does.

Then, abruptly, we get to It’s All So Incredibly Loud. The song itself is subdued, it’s that point in your trip through your own memories where you remember why things went wrong. You get shaken from your train of thought and lose your place in it, because you aren’t there anymore, you’re here and you can’t go back, you can’t fix anything, all that’s left for you to do now is mourn the wrongs and accept them, even though its painful. This is remembering what Dreamland meant by “That worst thing you said,” the realization that you have to break someone else’s heart, and how much that hurts.

((home movie: rockets)) is the longest home movie audio in the album, and creates a smooth transition back into childhood, journeying back through a sound similar to that of their first album, ZABA, on the way there for the album to transition into Domestic Bliss. This time, with someone else entirely’s perspective falling back onto knees, but this time under an entirely different tone, “Fight for me. We can leave I’m begging, please, on my on my knees.” These two songs back to back continue the downward spiral that too much nostalgia can leave you falling into, the wrongs, the regrets, this trip down memory lane has lasted too long, now.

Which drops us off at Heat Waves, which returns back to his own perspective after Domestic Bliss focused on a friend of his. It fits the bittersweet feeling in nostalgia, the understanding and acceptance that you can’t go back, you just have to keep going forward and separate instead for everyone’s sake, a followup less to the tangent in thought that is Domestic Bliss, and more to It’s All So Incredibly Loud. It also wraps up those previous album’s songs, Pools and Pork Soda in a way, bringing a sense of closure to the nostalgic feelings, as well as to the entire album.

And finally Helium, the bookend opposite to Dreamland. This song flawlessly embodies that feeling of when you realize you’ve just been sitting and staring at a photo album for an hour now, and you finally take a look around you, feeling the air conditioning on your skin, hearing the sounds of the world around you, snapping back out of your train of thought and into real life again. Things didn’t work the way that you used to think they would, but that’s a good thing. It is such a perfect ending to the nostalgic journey that is this entire album. Fading back into the melody that started this journey of sickly sweet memories of people you looked up to, when you learned for the first time that people can change and you might not ever understand why, ideas of who you once wanted to be, finding something light that you can laugh about, realizing how similar so many things in your life have been to each other, the realization that the people you used to look up to might not have actually been that impressive the whole time, your regrets, times you wish you could have done more, and the understanding that sometimes you shouldn’t have done so much.

I love this album so much man

[sepublic]

Isaac’s Coming-of-Age Moment

           I find Isaac’s talk with the Captain in Season 3 weirdly… sweet, in a sense?

           Like… I kind of get this vibe from Isaac during their conversation that he’s basically some hot-headed, emotional youth, who is confused in a lot of ways, basically a teenager, and he just really needs some actual guidance, a positive adult/parental figure in his life that he can actually count on! Which, I don’t want to infantilize Isaac, but then again he does refer to himself and Hector as children who need to grow up in Season 4, so maybe I’m not too far off.

           I dunno, I just get the feel that as someone who’s been alone for a LONG while, without any real positive interactions with people or older figures… Isaac’s just in a kind of generally moody, angsty sort of headspace akin to an angsty teenager, obviously unreasonable in some regards, but not truly, his feelings are valid and you can tell that by the end of the day, he just wants to be left alone and in peace.

           So it feels really sweet to have Isaac actually like- Talk to an older figure who for once is acting as a mentor, passing on some real wisdom and guidance. The Captain can tell that Isaac needs someone to help him through what is a VERY confusing part of his life, a part that will decide a lot for him –again, like a teenager- and he’s very patiently and considerately advising Isaac; But at the same time, he’s not condescendingly lecturing him either. The Captain shows Isaac a lot of respect and consideration, and is both talking to him as an equal, but also as a mentor if that makes sense.

           And to me, that’s just really nice and heartwarming to watch, because with Dracula also in mind, I’m lowkey getting the impression of Isaac as this like; Jaded youth who secretly yearns for approval by someone for once, we can kind of see this from his abuser in the flashback. 

          Isaac hasn’t quite completely gotten over this, but with the Captain, Isaac can finally get that validation and support that he really needs and craves from an older figure, in a way that isn’t toxic and unhealthy. And I love Dracula and I will always applaud his decision to save Isaac’s life at the end of Season 2, how THAT led to Isaac learning to live for himself, I will forever love that moment even more from now on;

           But I think Dracula and I can both agree that he’s not, like. The healthiest role model nor person for Isaac to look up to, nor dedicate himself towards. Really, nobody is the healthiest person for Isaac to dedicate himself towards, he needs to live for himself after all! So it really was for the best that Isaac had himself cut off from that sort of toxic dependency; Dracula is an ENORMOUS step-up from Isaac’s abuser, sure, but he still represented Isaac’s refusal to really value himself, only just in relation to others.

           Anyhow, I really appreciate that talk where Isaac low-key finds a bit of a Father Figure in the Captain. Maybe I’m just protecting a little, but I found it very endearing how the Captain talks directly to Isaac as a person, in many ways he’s kind of firm and fair, but in a way that shows that he actually CARES about Isaac, and not that he’s just trying to get his own way. 

          Like, the Captain is interested in seeing Isaac prosper, but he’s not toxically dedicating himself to Isaac, the way Isaac would’ve done to Dracula’s memory; And that ability to help others and invest in them, while still being yourself, was no doubt enlightening for Isaac.

           Just… that side-eye glance of Isaac’s bear the end, actually stopping to think and consider, when the Captain tells him that hey, you can be a ruler! An almost endearing kind of immature desire to deny this in a rather “It’s not a PHASE” type of way, but it is in fact clearly getting to him, whether he likes to admit or not, and it’s kind of flustering Isaac. When the Captain gives him no shit but still treats him like a person. In general, all of Isaac’s interactions in Season 3 came from older figures who were a lot more experienced than him, which I think just adds to this idea that… 

          He really is kind of young and inexperienced in a lot of ways. And he really needs some second opinions to surround himself with, perspectives that are at times differing; Which I think is a neat contrast with Carmilla, who mostly relies on an echo chamber of her sisters and isn’t very receptive to different opinions.

           But yeah, Isaac is an utter mood, basically a moody, edgy teenager, who just needs some love and cherishing, some real mentorship and guidance, provided with actual respect and consideration, so he can get through what is an incredibly confusing AND formative period of his life. 

          It makes me all the more happy that it turns out for the best for him, and I really want to see a fic where like; Him and Hector encounter Dracula and Lisa, with all four on healthier terms, and Dracula’s sort of joy at seeing his other two sons being happy and living for themselves like he’d hoped- While Hector and Isaac are lowkey like, “See Dad! See how we’ve really become our own person, isn’t that really cool?” In that sort of excited, endearing way where they show a lot of respect and admiration, and place a lot of faith and trust in Vlad’s opinion. 

          Because even if they aren’t dependent on Dracula’s opinion, it’s still nice to see him validated and swell with pride, to actually see his Forge Masters get along as he’d always hoped. Like a sort of Coming of Age moment where they happily reflect on how much they’ve grown, to people who’d really respect and appreciate it, telling them that hey, your love for me, it paid off- It really meant a lot and I’m happy to tell the both of us that it wasn’t for nothing, it really meant SO much to me and helped, thank you!

           It’s just… Really endearing how we can see Isaac comfortably, in a safe space and level of interaction that isn’t plagued by threat nor violence; Afford to get snappy with someone else, like he can actually express his feelings at the Captain, but he doesn’t have to worry about holding himself to a subordinate level like with Dracula. Isaac can just be himself without having to constantly brace himself for the possibility of conflict or bloodshed, he can just comfortably exist in this space with a stranger and actually, fully, talk with someone who he feels actually gets and understands him on some level.

          Isaac is in a good environment where he can just let himself out, and it’s incredibly refreshing to watch- It was no doubt extremely cathartic to Isaac, I imagine. And it really stands to show that just as Lisa advised Dracula, traveling around the world really can be good for your health, for opening your mind and worldview; So it’s sweet to see that Dracula ended up passing on and applying Lisa’s wisdom to his low-key son, and that wisdom DID end up working out for him in the end! Thanks, Lisa.

         Now I can only imagine Isaac talking to Lisa about this and feeling really grateful, because she ended up inspiring HIM as well… And Lisa just looks wryly at Dracula like, Oh so you DID take my advice, and not only that, passed it onto others as well?

         And THAT just makes me imagine an older Isaac who continues the cycle of not abuse, but growth and guidance, who sees himself later on in another angry youth who reminds him a lot of himself, and then guides them to be more constructive- Because believe it or not, this wise King DOES understand what it’s like.

         He chuckles to himself when he realizes how the tables have turned, how HE’s the one giving The Talk to some kid, and he kindly, nostalgically, gratefully reflects on the Captain’s wisdom, and how it lives on through him and now this youth. Isaac and the kid are not so different and this realization of similarity and common ground just helps Isaac with accepting that human part of himself, and reaching out compassionately.

         Isaac is joked with and given much-needed fun and levity, while still taken seriously and respected as an individual; And I’m sure it means a lot to him, not that he fully realizes it yet. The Captain really expresses faith and belief in Isaac to grow up and support others through his own wisdom, the Captain sees himself in Isaac and that’s really fascinating- How this stranger is acting on this empathy to talk to Isaac and relate to him, to humanize him as a person for once. And it’s kind of shocking for Isaac to realize that others can actually relate to and see themselves in him, this alleged ‘monster’ and ‘thing’.

         It’s just neat to see an older figure express belief and expectation in Isaac to be something good because he thinks the best of him, rather than Isaac dedicating his belief to someone else, and it kind of inspires and incentivizes Isaac to do better with his life. That maybe he CAN grow and this isn’t the end for him, and one day teach others- Because maybe he DOES have something valuable to offer! The Captain recognizes Isaac as someone with potential and growth, and the ability to nurture and be positive, and I love that. 

         Especially with how Isaac dedicates himself to Dracula and his ‘wisdom of ages’, only for the Captain to turn around and suggest that Isaac himself has his own knowledge worth passing on, and that’s more than enough reason for Isaac to live for himself, then. It’s very nice to see Isaac lowkey latch onto a positive authority figure and actually be emotionally rewarded for it like he needs and deserves. And it’s even sweeter how Isaac leaves the Captain with an amicable farewell wave, and even AFTER an immediate negative experience, Isaac still decides to do better, showing that his lessons really can apply and retain underneath hardship.

         Isaac is challenged but in a healthy way that he can actually engage with and really apply himself towards, because he is a very clever person, he’s allowed to think and be rewarded for it. And it makes it all the more interesting how Isaac in Season 4 does see himself as a holy figure in a sense, not necessarily out of arrogance I feel, but from a real understanding that he’s worth a lot himself. And now Isaac can embrace happily his own self-value and what he has to offer, and his ability to do good, that maybe he ISN’T a monster but in some ways a hero, imagine that!

           (Actually, maybe Castlevania really IS a Coming-of-Age tale in a sense. Hector and Isaac’s growth are obvious, we know Trevor and Alucard is admittedly kind of emotionally stunted teenagers who learn to open up and trust, and even Sypha has her moments where she sees how the world can really suck –like the end of Season 3- before deciding for herself to have agency and initiative, and not be a bit player in someone else’s story regardless, in addition to openly defying some Speaker traditions like a rebellious teenager, because good for her! A narrative about really learning to take initiative and control of your own story, to live life for yourself, DOES seem very Coming-of-Age now does it?)

[masquerade-reimagined]

This is really long and I don’t recommend you actually read it.

Hey! Pixelberry! C’mere. I got something to talk to you about.

No, it’s not about how it’s completely incomprehensible for the Foreign Affairs MC to not know who Blaine is as soon as they first see them. But it is about FA! So pull up a chair because this totally non-professional writer is gonna sit you down and talk to you about how awful the flirting is in this book. Specifically, during this scene:

Let me establish the process I took to make this completely unnecessary post. I went through all of the flirting options for all three LIs in this book and sorted them into one of the three following categories (with quantity out of 30 -- the current total number of flirt options through the first six chapters).

Okay/Good: Nothing offensive and even mostly makes sense for MC to say/do. (21/30)

Iffy/Pushing It: Not downright terrible but possibly somewhat awkward, inappropriate, or nonsensical if you really think about the situation. (6/30)

WTF: Way over the line or completely inappropriate to the relationship and/or situation. (3/30)

Overall, not too bad, really. Most of the flirting options are fine. They make sense, they aren’t overly aggressive (unless it’s a Blaine scene and then Blaine is more receptive to that sort of thing, so it’s fine).

The Iffy/Pushing It category is split evenly across all three LIs at two each. They’re all entirely contextual and aren’t necessarily bad. They can just tilt toward being a little on the awkward side when you think about the context of the situation, and the relationship between MC and the LI.

WTF is all Tatum, and two of the three are from chapter six (the third is the leaning in for a kiss in chapter two for the reasons I’m going to elaborate on in a moment). You probably already know which two I’m talking about.

Now. The first one, "I'm glad we can be here together as adults," isn’t necessarily bad on its own. It’s that CRINGE AS HELL follow-up. THIS cringe as hell follow-up:

What the crap is this?!

What part of this kind of flirting is appropriate for this relationship? Don’t get me wrong, I am all for the overt, intense flirting options. Especially when it makes some stoic hunk of a man stammer and blush. Yes. YES. Sign me the eff up, please.

But these are childhood friends, former BFFs, who (as far as we’re aware at this point) were not romantically involved. They also have neither seen one another in some indeterminant number of years nor stayed in close contact. They’ve drifted apart -- considerably. Even if MC stuck around for the poker game in chapter 4, they’re still not really close. Even if there’s an attraction between them and had been one before Tatum shipped out, there’s no precedent for this kind of behavior.

So why the hell is MC insinuating that they’ve both had sexual partners and coquettishly dragging their fingers up his arm. How does that make sense for these two? Why would an overly forward MC applying a ton of pressure on a man who is already somewhat uncomfortable in his role because he’s struggling with balancing who MC used to be to him and who they are now be a good example of flirting?

Seriously. Tell me. I need to understand what the hell is going on here. Because it only gets worse with that awful “as long as you’re not vanilla in bed” nonsense. These would’ve been more appropriate farther down the line in their rekindled relationship. Maybe after there’s been more romantic development. When Tatum has more consistently reciprocated. Because it’s not well timed, it’s even more awkward and shiver-inducing. I’m not sure that vanilla sex one would’ve ever been good, even if it gives me hope for a kinky af Tatum scene in the future (I will pay good 💎💎💎💎💎 for that).

(This sort of awkward, forced affection is also why leaning in for a kiss in chapter 2 is super cringe. Tatum can barely look at MC and they’ve only been reunited for a couple days. Don’t try to kiss the dude for the first time, okay?)

What makes these two terrible offerings even more obviously terrible is that the next two in this scene are almost perfect.

Now wait. Here me out. I’m going to explain.

“I’ve been a bit lost without you” is an example of what all of the flirting should be like between Tatum and MC, at least for now. It’s a nostalgic sort of flirting option. It appeals to their shared memories of their friendship and how much they meant to one another. The “here together as adults” one could have gone this route and, rather than being something that would make me unbelievably uncomfortable if someone said that to me in real life, it could have been a moment for MC to talk about how it’s a time for them to get to know one another and the people they’ve become. Without their parental overlords looming in the shadowy near-distance.

But we already know you didn’t take that route, so... way to waste an opportunity there, PB. We’ll just add it to the pile of other missed opportunities, shall we?

Anyway. Tatum’s response to “lost without you” is also good, if not a little spoiled by his intense gaze and hitching breath. It shows that he cares about MC in a way that goes beyond the whole bodyguard/VIP thing they have going on now. It’s a lovely exchange that speaks to the hope of being able to pursue something more with someone who has already played a significant role in their lives.

And I also argue that MC wiping the ice cream from Tatum’s lips is a strong flirting moment because MC doesn’t make a big deal out of it. They don’t lick it off of their fingers while awkwardly maintaining eye contact or sit there with their mouth millimeters from his or, y’know, lick it off him. They do their thing, maybe drag it out a little bit but not an aggressive amount, then sit back, and leave Tatum going 😳. It’s a great example of one of the more forward, assertive flirting options that doesn’t take things too far.

Unlike the first two options.

IN SUM: Less of the first two kind of things. The flirting options that are just wholly inappropriate for the characters, the relationship, and the setting, and make you feel disgusting when you choose them. More of the thoughtfully considered options and reactions that correctly demonstrate the growing (or already established) connections between the two people involved.

Please. Thank you. Bye.