#they're straight but they're gay

[thimbleb3rries]

STILL NOT OVER THESE OUTFITS OF THEIRS AHGGGFFFDF

They are very much in love

[inkskinned]

you're grabbing lunch with a nice man and he gives you that strange grimace-smile that's popular right now; an almost sardonic "twist" of his mouth while he looks literally down on you. it looks like he practiced the move as he leans back, arms folded. he just finished reciting the details of NFTs to you and explaining Oppenheimer even though he only watched a youtube about it and hasn't actually seen it. you are at the bottom of your wine glass.

you ask the man across from you if he has siblings, desperately looking for a topic. literally anything else.

he says i don't like small talk. and then he smiles again, watching you.

a few years ago, you probably would have said you're above celebrity gossip, but honestly, you've been kind of enjoying the dumb shit of it these days. with the rest of the earth burning, there's something familiar and banal about dragging ariana grande through the mud. you think about jeanette mccurdy, who has often times gently warned the world she's not as nice as she appears. you liked i'm glad my mom died but it made you cry a lot.

he doesn't like small talk, figure out something to say.

you want to talk about responsibility, and how ariana grande is only like 6 days older than you are - which means she just turned 30 and still dresses and acts like a 13 year old, but like sexy. there's something in there about the whole thing - about insecurity, and never growing up, and being sexualized from a young age.

people have been saying that gay people are groomers. like, that's something that's come back into the public. you have even said yourself that it's just ... easier to date men sometimes. you would identify as whatever the opposite of "heteroflexible" is, but here you are again, across from a man. you like every woman, and 3 people on tv. and not this guy. but you're trying. your mother is worried about you. she thinks it's not okay you're single. and honestly this guy was better before you met, back when you were just texting.

wait, shit. are you doing the same thing as ariana grande? are you looking for male validation in order to appease some internalized promise of heteronormativity? do you conform to the idea that your happiness must result in heterosexuality? do you believe that you can resolve your internal loneliness by being accepted into the patriarchy? is there a reason dating men is easier? why are you so scared of fucking it up with women? why don't you reach out to more of them? you have a good sense of humor and a big ol' brain, you could have done a better job at online dating.

also. jesus christ. why can't you just get a drink with somebody without your internal feminism meter pinging. although - in your favor (and judgement aside) in the case of your ariana grande deposition: you have been in enough therapy you probably wouldn't date anyone who had just broken up with their wife of many years (and who has a young child). you'd be like - maybe take some personal time before you begin this journey. like, grande has been on broadway, you'd think she would have heard of the plot of hamlet.

he leans forward and taps two fingers to the table. "i'm not, like an andrew tate guy," he's saying, "but i do think partnership is about two people knowing their place. i like order."

you knew it was going to be hard. being non-straight in any particular way is like, always hard. these days you kind of like answering the question what's your sexuality? with a shrug and a smile - it's fine - is your most common response. like they asked you how your life is going and not to reveal your identity. you like not being straight. you like kissing girls. some days you know you're into men, and sometimes you're sitting across from a man, and you're thinking about the power of compulsory heterosexuality. are you into men, or are you just into the safety that comes from being seen with them? after all, everyone knows you're failing in life unless you have a husband. it almost feels like a gradebook - people see "straight married" as being "all A's", and anything else even vaguely noncompliant as being ... like you dropped out of the school system. you cannot just ignore years of that kind of conditioning, of course you like attention from men.

"so let's talk boundaries." he orders more wine for you, gesturing with one hand like he's rousing an orchestra. sir, this is a fucking chain restaurant. "I am not gonna date someone who still has male friends. also, i don't care about your little friends, i care about me. whatever stupid girls night things - those are lower priority. if i want you there, you're there."

he wasn't like this over text, right? you wouldn't have been even in the building if he was like this. you squint at him. in another version of yourself, you'd be running. you'd just get up and go. that's what happens on the internet - people get annoyed, and they just leave. you are locked in place, almost frozen. you need to go to the bathroom and text someone to call you so you have an excuse, like it's rude to just-leave. like he already kind of owns you. rudeness implies a power paradigm, though. see, even your social anxiety allows the patriarchy to get to you.

you take a sip of the new glass of wine. maybe this will be a funny story. maybe you can write about it on your blog. maybe you can meet ariana grande and ask her if she just maybe needs to take some time to sit and think about her happiness and how she measures her own success.

is this settling down? is this all that's left in your dating pool? just accepting that someone will eventually love you, and you have to stop being picky about who "makes" you a wife?

you look down to your hand, clutching the knife.

[spiderzlover]

Rizzing each other up on live TV🔥🔥

[blicketdabest33]

i love the comparison between what QSMP did to Philza and what Double Life & ESMP 2 has done to Joel

like

Philza: I am a STRAIGHT MAN in a PLATONIC relationship with Missa. PLATONIC husbands. *hides aggressively gay rp away* I kissed him.. BECAUSE of the CHALLENGE. TOTALLY didn't mean anything. Nope, my character is NOT simping.

Kristin: This is my husband Philza, and that's Philza's husband Missa, and that's Phil's boyfriend Fit, and that's his other boyfriend Etoiles

vs

Joel: Hey BABE *blows kiss at Jimmy* Oh hi Sausage, i'm here to drop off OUR CHILD *pats Hermes on the head* EEFOOOOOOOO WHY ARE YOU SOOOO OBSESSED WITH MEEE??? *neck kisses intensify*

Lizzie: ... babe, calm down please

[idkimtiredanddumb]

‘will and robin are already gay they can't all be gay’ I, personally, believe that them being gay means that they all have to be gay, legally. all the gays I know flock together unintentionally that's just how it works if one is gay they all are I dont make the rules. will being gay and robin coming out would have a domino effect if it were real life you just dont know ur queer science so shut up and let the experts talk, thank you

[wafferreyes]

the most power couple ever !,!!

[mewtwo24]

I just started reading the svsss volumes (and re-read them again because A LOT IS GOING ON) but like. This shit is so hysterically funny I don't even know where to begin.

Was no one????? Going to tell me that one of the cornerstone jokes in the damn series is that lbh's adoration for his one and only 'tism person who literally cannot express his emotions to save his life is basically genetic?????????

Was no one???? No one AT ALL going to tell me that Mobei-Jun straight up yeets Airplane at the problem in one of the scenes?????? And that in the most hilarious twist of fate Airplane then unyeets Mobei-Jun not twenty minutes later?????

It's one thing to see people joke about sqq and lbh being unable to communicate but it's on a league of its own when you have to read HUNDREDS OF PAGES of sqq's inner monologue be like 'that's my darling boy. my baby. my sugar plum pumpy umpkin you're my sweetie pie' but on the outside he says "get lost binghe" and somehow deems that an effective expression of his affection that lbh will surely understand. 'Why is lbh whining and crying and tugging at my sleeve like a plaintive wife, why is he so angry?' Sqq asks, the entire circus, as lbh is about to fling himself off a cliff for attention--

In short, MXTX is the queer comedian of our generation and nobody appreciates her enough

[canisalbus]

Is it hard not to make all your characters gay? Matteo is 👀 very good (idk if you've said his sexuality, I just assume that due to the time period, most "side" characters would be straight?)

.

[obamerzslop]

pookie wookie schnookums bear, what do you see in Adam? He's a misogynist ass who clearly despises Lucifer to the point it's not even homo, and he's the one who authorized, hell, even SUGGESTED that they slaughter the demons.

I know he's a villain, I watched the show, however I think he is silly too. Also I make it homo, if you all thought Caine x Kinger is crack get ready for black tar heroin.

Also don't call me that...

[kthulhu42]

Oh cool I thought we were just a group of homosexual and bisexual people, turns out now we gotta include everyone who wears a scrap of leather to intentionally piss off the rest of society or the "queers" won't trust us

[yrrtyrrtwhenihrrthrrt]

I kind of find it funny that Movie! Goldenheart are visibly different heights and are less... For lack of a better term straightifiable (by which I mean, it's harder for like, fujoshis to project heterosexual gender norms onto them wherein shorter=feminine=bottom etc) while Comic! Goldenheart, which is VERY often straightified with Comic Ambrosius often being treated/written as if he was a woman, are shown on numerous occasions to be exactly the same height. Like go ahead and try to make him UwU petite, he's not any shorter than Blackheart. As for Boldheart who IS shorter than Ambrosius, he's an absolute brick shithouse so try to feminize him I dare you??

Idk I just think it's a fun slap in the face to people who reduce gay male characters to stereotypical heterosexual gender norms. N.D. Stevenson said no ladies here these bitches GAY gay with those character designs.

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

your honor they're everything

[idolomantises]

trying to complain less over here, im just so exhausted. I draw what i love and both straight people and gay people give me shit for it.

straight people think my work is pandering to them.

and gay people think my work is pandering to straight people.

i draw women with big boobs and curves because i like that! I also like to draw masculine and/or flat chested women! I draw this stuff because I like it! It hurts when straight men assert that I draw for them, but it hurts way more when fellow lesbians accuse me of only pandering to straight men because I draw what I love and what I'm attracted to.

my work is queer. I make queer art. my women are queer. they have queer relationships. just because it makes you uncomfortable or arouses you doesnt mean it stops being queer.

[uncanny-tranny]

I think a lot of homophobes and transphobes don't just feel hatred toward queer people, but they genuinely fear us in an almost literal sense, and so they assume the inverse is true for gay and trans people.

I think that's why you have so many cishet people who smugly say that they're going to make queer people angry, afraid, "triggered" by displays of heterosexuality and/or displays of traditional gender - they think we aren't used to living in a cishet world, that we fear cishet people for their identities as much as they fear us for ours.

[krystelovesanime]

THEY ARE SO GAY HELP

I love them so much wtf

ALSO THEY GOT SO MUCH MORE GAY. IS IT PLATONIC OR WHAT?! I DON’T FUCKING KNOW ANYMORE.

I LOVE THEM SO MUCH HELP😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 ALSO LEGIT AM CRYING WHILE TYPING THIS

[queerstudiesnatural]

dolly parton's jolene, conan gray's heather, olivia rodrigo's lacy, and little big town's anonymous girl crush should all hold hands and kiss. actually. most powerful polycule in history.