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little-reader · 1 year

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“The Son of A Monster.” Ch.4

Masterlist

Warnings; Death, blood, Slow-burn Sexual tension, Gay awakening (For both), Cursing, Negan is Readers dad, Enemies to lovers story. Fighting. Zombie apocalypse

You didn’t see Carl, Rick, Michonne, or Rosita for the rest of the day. Not that you minded, you needed to rest anyway.

“Do you need anything?” You called from the shower. “Like from my dad or hilltop?”

Iris looked up from her book as you came in with just a towel. “Uh… Not that I know of. I’m sure I can just ask around, I don’t exactly know what I’m doing.” She huffed, looking back at the book.

“Did you run out of anything? Food, meds… books?” You asked, She only shook her head...It was six p.m. and barely dark.

You hugged her and rolled over. “I have to head to Hilltop tomorrow, Not to pick anything big up, but just talk to people, by myself of course,” you said. “Plus, I know Simon isn’t going to go easy on them, so I’ll just help them a bit, Simon can do the rest,”

You decided to stay there tonight. You cooked Iris breakfast in the morning while she stayed asleep. You left it on the nightstand and got dressed.

You walked out into the sun and left to the gate, walking out, grabbed your bike, and left. You got there later than you would have liked, but by that point you didn’t care, all you need was to look around and get vitamins.

The doors to Gregory’s office opened. “Paul, Negan’s son is here to check out the place, he wants to talk to you.”

“Fuck.” Paul said, looking at mostly Maggie, Sasha, and Daryl. “The three of you find a good place to hide, preferably alone and separate.” He said, ushering them out.

“Why Is he here?” Rick asked.

“He comes for the saviors, A dude named Simon helps him,” Gregory answered. “Your gonna get me killed.” He paused. “And my people of course.”

You waited outside, looking at the walls and the people around you. All of them working or walking around. The kids play small games with each other. The breeze was small, but it felt good. The doors opened to the museum… house? And Paul came out with a smile.

“Hey, come inside.” He said, holding the door open. You kept a stern look as you entered, thanking him. “So, I thought we had another week or two.” He said, turning to you.

“Oh, that's not exactly why I’m here.” You said, with a small smile. You held out your hand. “Y/n Smith, I didn’t introduce myself last time.” You said. He shook your hand.

“Paul.” He said that’s when Gregory came out.

“Ah! The boss's kid,” He said, rapping his arm around you. “What can I help you with? Food? People? Or a drink?” He asked. You glared at the man. He was licking your shoes every chance he got. He was like a who wanted treats.

“No, You said, moving his arm off you and backing away. “I was here to talk to Paul, and look around.” You stated, tilting your head.

“Oh, you see, Paul isn’t the leader-” He laughed, staring at your glare. “And, you know I have more important things to do anyway, so Paul can show you everywhere… every room.” He said, looking over to Paul. He left, going into the room, that now doesn’t have that weird painting.

“Does he always bullshit?” You asked, Paul only nodded and walked you into the dining room, and to a small table. “I just need something small.” You said. Walking outside.

“Anything.”

“I was just wondering if your doctor had vitamins?” You asked. He looked at you a little weirdly. “My wife’s pregnant, I just wanted to talk to him, or see if you knew.” Paul looked surprised.

“Okay, yeah we have some.” He said, ushering you to follow him. “You look a little young to have a wife.” He said as you walked.

You chuckled. “Yeah, that’s what I told my dad. He didn’t take it too well. But I and Iris aren’t,” You waved your hands around a bit, and Paul nodded with a small smile. “She's not exactly my type either.” You said as you entered the trailer.

You were given the bottle of vitamins and told when she should take them, and how much she should eat a day. You listened closely, nodded, and left. The place was quiet, small, and overall a great place to run.

“I would stay longer, But I have to go. It was nice you meet you.” You said, Holding your hand out. Paul shook it then Gregory.

“Uh, you too,” Gregory said, a slight shudder.

You started to leave before stopping. “Oh, and I almost forgot..” You paused, walking over to him and tilting your head, before smiling. “I wanna meet the people who came here earlier.”

Paul looked up from the ground and Gregory's eyes went wide. “I’m afraid I don’t understand.” He exclaimed. You only laughed.

“Yeah… I think you do.” You said, grabbing a cigarette and lighting it, “At first, I thought maybe your people regularly go out of the walls you have built. But, as I continued to look around, I realized you have almost an enclosed community. Paul is certainly the only one who goes out, and Gregory… well you're just a pussy. So! Who’s tracks were outside?”

Paul walked down the hall with the group, Maggie, Sasha, and Daryl was still hidden. “Gregory-” Rick started as the door opened. He paused as he came more into the room and the door closed.

You sat in Gregory’s chair, with a glass of liquor in your hand and not a single bit of happiness in your features. You sighed and waved to the chairs. Rick sat down and the others stood.

“Before I start scolding you like a pregnant teen, I need you to understand something.” You said, passing him a drink and leaning forward. “1. I am absolutely scared of you and your girlfriend or whatever you guys are, your son too.” You said, keeping eye contact with him. He gave a confused look. “But I’m more afraid of my father. And If he finds out I’m here talking to you guys and not at Alexandria, he’ll break my shit up.” You stated. “So this, this never happened.”

“I-” Rick paused and nodded. ‘We were just making deals, okay?” He said.

“Deals are fine, but I’m supposed to be watching you all.” You said, tilting your head. “Mostly your son.” You said. “Next time you go out, and Carls with you, I’m going.” You started and stood. You had a lot of time to think when you realized they were hiding here, and you weren’t stupid.

You decided not to say anything and left, waving them off.

When you returned, Iris was outside and sitting in a chair on the porch. You shook the bottle as you reached her spot. “Got you these.” You said. She smiled and grabbed them. “Also, everything you need to know. I asked Everything.” You said, handing her the sheet of paper.

She smiled at you and thanked you. ‘It’s late, let's get to bed.”

–Carls POV–

The group went to the kingdom after the whole ordeal with you and Gregory. Although Carl didn’t do any talking, he sat and watched. He knew that the “King” Was contemplating whether or not he should have his people conspire with them and Hilltop.

Carl looked out the window and into the town. It was almost night and the sun was starting to set. Ezekiel had invited them to say the night so they wouldn’t be engulfed in the night by the time they got back. Y/n was gonna be pissed, he was supposed to watch him but had to wait another day.

Carl sighed as he heard the group talking through the wall. He took off his hat and boots, along with his flannel, and hung them up. There was something Carl couldn’t scratch off of him. The look in your eye when you caught them.

And no, not the pissed-off look you gave. But something deeper. Your face showed clear signs that you were angry but your eyes gave… impressed? Or expected, like he knew you all were going to do something to fight for yourself.

Carl sighed and rolled into bed, staring at the wall as he drifted into thought.

Carls's eyes opened slowly. He was in a field, one so bright he had to cover his eyes, and with birds flying above him. He sat up, feeling the top of his head, there was no hat, just his hair, which was short than how he had it now. He blinked, then turned. “Papa!” A small voice called. Carl looked over to see... You holding a child and spinning him around. You both were laughing and screaming. You looked slightly older, taller, and broader.

Carl was pushed slightly as small arms wrapped around him in a hug. “Daddy! Home.” The smaller child whined. The kid climbed into his lap as he watched the wind blow the overgrown leaves.

“Hey.” A deep voice appeared beside him as you walked over, the other child in your arms. You bent down and grabbed his chin, kissing him.

Carl opened his eyes. The window let the light pour onto his face. He breathed in and out before sitting up and touching his lips before wiping them and standing up.

A knock came on the door. “Get ready, Carl. We're about to leave.” Michonne called through the door. Carl sighed and grabbed his things, putting his shoes and flannel on and grabbing his hat from the table. He left out into the hall and greeted the others.

“We got to get home soon,” Rick said as they headed out to the gate.

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

You looked at the time. It was now noon and they still weren’t back. You sighed and left to the kitchen, going through the pantry, looking for food to eat. You settled on ravioli. When you would make it, You could smell it from a mile away. Your mother taught you how to make it homemade.

You took out the supplies, but that's when they showed up, you looked out the window to see the gates open and then trucks roll in. You sighed and started to put everything up, hoping your dad didn’t show up.

You walked to the house your wife stayed in and where they kept the food. You knocked on the garage door as you walked closer to Simon. You already told the people not to go into Iris’s room.

“Hey, Y/n!” Simion said, looking over at you with a smile. “Just visiting.” He said with a wink.

“Hey, Simon.” You said back, looking at the others. “It’s not stock-up day, why are you doing here?” You asked.

“Oh, you haven’t heard?” Simon asked, you looked around, noticing how empty the shelves were.“Daryl got out, the same day Carl busted your ass.” Ignoring the last comment, you sharply looked at Rick, making eye contact. Rosita looked at you and Rick.

“Hm, that's funny.” You said, looking back at Simon and smiling. “Well, I’ve got a little cooking to do.” You said. “I’ll be going, tell dad I said Hi,” You turned around and

“Ah ah, not so fast,” he said, holding out a radio. “Your daddy wants to know how his little girl is doing,” He said in a mocking tone. You rolled your eyes, giving a quick “Shut the fuck up” Before leaving upstairs.

You sighed and rubbed your eyes before pressing the button to voice. “Dad, you there?” You asked, sitting on the counter in the kitchen. There was a slight pause before someone started speaking.

“This is D, who is this?” The other line cut off.

“Y/n, dumbass. Why the fuck would I say, Dad?” You replied. It took about thirty seconds before you got a reply back.

“Y/n. Finally, what took so long?” Your dad asked. “I told you, I need you to check in with me every few days.”

“It hasn’t been a few days.” You said. “That's not the point. Everything running smoothly. Is this about Daryl?” You questioned, your eyes looking around the room.

You kept conversating back and forth. Giving him a few details about everything and how you were doing before Simon came to get his radio back. “Bye kid… and Do not disappoint me,” Negan said before you handed the radio back.

“You heard the man,” Simon Said as you lead him out. As the trucks pulled out, and the gates shut, you turned to Rick.

“I don’t give a fuck what you do, but you better fucking find out who did that shit.” You said, turning to leave. You stopped and walked over to Carl, grabbing his arm, and dragging him with you. “And I have TO WATCH HIM YOU KNOW!” You yelled at them. “It’s MY JOB!”

Carl pulled back by the time you reached Aaron's house. “What the hell,” Carl muttered and you turned to him.

“Yeah, keep what the hell-ing me.” You started to walk again, ushering him to follow. “I told you guys, I have to watch you. If my dad, shit, even if Simon finds out, I’m fucked.” You said, walking up the stairs of the grimes house.

“What’s he gonna do, take your baseball bat and throw it off a cliff.” He said, sarcastically.

“You should be a comedian.” You blankly stated as you entered the kitchen. You both were quiet while you got the things out of the pantry and laid everything out.

“What are you making?” Carl asked, looking over from the counter. You looked over with a hum. “Ravioli.” You said simply. “With cheese inside.”

“Why is your family so obsessed with a noodle of some kind?” He asked, sitting back in his chair. You sighed and continued to ignore him as you started to make the dough. You're glad that your dad gave you eggs and oil before leaving, plus a jar of pesto sauce. “If you're just gonna cook for the next hour, I’m gonna go.”

You turned and pushed him back in his seat, softly, before turning back. “Two hours actually, depending on how annoying your gonna be.” You said as you started whisking the dough. Carl only huffed and shuffled. “And you're not leaving, that's what you get for leaving for almost two days. My job to know where you are.” You mumbled the last part. You paused in thought, before turning around and wiping your hands. “You can help me. Wash your hands.”

“What-” You cut him off, “Wash your hands, your helping.” You said, taking his hat off as you walked by and threw it in the hallway. Carl rolled his eyes and grabbed the soap.

You grabbed a bowl and pan, and oil before turning on the stove. “Okay, what now?” Carl asked, coming beside you. You grabbed an apron and threw it on him.

“You're gonna finish assembling the dough, I’m doing the sauce.” You said, pouring the olive oil into the pan. “Start by whisking it in the middle as I did before.”

Carl started to do circles as you added crushed garlic and pesto sauce into the pan. Then you grabbed the bowl and placed it next to Carl. “That's for the cheese, but we’ll have to do that later.” You said, mixing the pesto and garlic.

Carl looked at you. “How do you know how to make all of this? You don’t even have a cookbook.” He asked, looking at you sideways as he started again.

You tapped your head. “I remember how to make it. I used to make it all the time, even after this shit happened I… I made it for my mom when she was sick.” You said. You stared at the pan and sat the wooden spoon down. You then started to pour the heavy cream in.

“Did she get bit?” He asked after a few quiet seconds. You shook your head and just continued to stir until you let it sit and pushed back. You looked over at Carl and then at the dough, it was barely done.

“Jesus.“ You mumbled and came behind him, reaching over him and moving his hands for him. “Like that, not the petty ass way you were just doing it.” He scoffed and you could feel the eye roll. You kept behind him, with your hands right beside his and you pointing out a few mistakes. You reached over to the pan on the stove and turned it off, moving the pan to another burner.

“And then curve it to the middle?” Carl asked, turning to look at you. His head almost collided when turning to look up at you. You looked into his eyes with a slight smirk. You nodded, taking your hands off of him and moving to the sauce, moving it back to the hot burner and adding cheese to it.

“After you finish with the dough, wrap it up and put it in the fridge. Then, we can make the cheese that goes inside it.” You said, stirring the sauce around. He nodded and started rolling the dough, making it into a sphere and looking through the cabinets for plastic wrap. He wrapped the dough in the plastic and put it in the fridge as you set a timer for an hour and left the sauce in a container to sit.

“I should have made that sauce later.” You started to clean up. Carl swept the small mess of flour on the floor while you re-sanitized the counters. It was silent the whole time, which made you anxious. You threw away the trash and placed the cloth down, sighing and turning around, watching him sweep slowly.

Carl dumped the flour out of the dustpan and into the trash before laying the broom in the closet. Carl turned around with a raised eyebrow, “What?”

“What ya’ wanna do for the next forty minutes.”

You had a timer in your pocket as you climbed the walls and started walking into the forest. Carl was walking a fair distance behind you as you took the lead. “Where are we going?” He called from his spot as he looked around.

You turned, walking backward. “I’m not telling you, come on.” You said, turning back and walking on. You stopped and waited for Carl to hurry up. When he finally reached you, you pulled your hands up above your head. “Welcome! To my hangout zone, we're gonna drop a few things off and come back after the food is done. It takes a while to get down here.” You said, going inside. It was logged cabin, it was still unfinished but it worked. It is two stories, has three bedrooms and two bath, and is completely solar-powered but has no water. “I found this place before we met your people, and I like to come here and hang out or get away from everyone.” You said, turning the lights on. “There's room for anything you could want in the world we have now. A garden, a life.” You sighed. “Except water, But I’m sure I can find out how to do that.”

“Damn,” Carl said, looking around and sitting on the couch. “This is nice and quiet.” He said, watching as you dig through your bag and set a few things down.

“Yeah, I’ve also slept here before. I covered all the windows so no one can see the light.” You stated, pointing to the windows. You looked at your timer, you had just enough time to get back. “Okay, let’s get our asses back home.” You said. “We can come back soon.”

You both walked outside as you turned off the light and closed the door. You walked behind him, again, at a distance. You also knew he probably didn’t like you much. “You don’t have to walk so far Carl, you or I could get jumped any minute.” You said as he looked back at you with that stupid stare. “Hey, I’m just saying.” You said, putting your hands up in the air and looking off to the side.

You stayed like that for a while, well not that long but it felt like an eternity. You huffed and jogged beside him. You bumped his shoulder. “Don’t be an ass.” You said, looking at your feet as you walked. “I get your father hates mine, and my dad killed your friends, but you get that doesn’t mean we can’t be friends, right?” You asked. “Plus, I’m only like a year older than you, and we’ve got similar heights, I’m just taller.” You said.

Carl hummed and bumped your shoulder harder. “Sure.” He said, looking you in the eye as your smile widened.

“Well that's final, we are now officially friends!” You said, doing jazz hands.

“I didn’t say that,” Carl said with an eyebrow raised.

“Too bad.” You replied with a smirk. “You signed a contract with the devil ever since you pointed that gun at my men, which was a badass move.”

Chapter 5

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storywriter12 · 6 months

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(relationship preferences twd)

(how they felt about you)

Rick grimes:He thought you were a sweetheart. He watched you help out so many people and he fell for you. He never heard you say no to anyone if someone asked you'll be right there he loved spending time with you he would check on you chill at your house see you talk with Carl he will even ask Carl what he thought about. When he heard nothing but nice things he knew he couldn't let you go

Daryl dixon:He liked you, you never got on his nerves like some people do.You would help him with little things, go on runs with him, hell he would even ask you to come along he would ask you to jump on his bike giving the excuse. Saying that it would be much easier to get around in.and faster to get back when really he likes feeling your hands wrapped around him tight

Negan:after he killed your friends he couldn't get you out of his head the journey back to the sanctuary took longer than he thought it would his never felt bad for killing anybody before well anybody who deserved it Simon told him not to feel back but he couldn't help it something about seeing how upset you were broke his heart days after he still felt shit so he had to go and see you

Simon:He was annoyed, well mostly not at you but he felt like he had to babysit you most days because Negan put you with him but he did kinda like you the long trips you two would take on the road was comfortable he would ask you questions about everything and anything. He did make it clear that he wouldn't risk his life for you, but that day you hurt yourself something changed inside of him he never wanted to see you hurt again he let himself care for you but he didn't want you to know how much he did actually like you

Glenn: you knew how he felt you two were close in the early days he would teach you how to fix the RV if ever he was about or Dale. you would know what to do as you worked away he would tell you that you are doing good and some of your friends joked that he had a crush on you he would just stutter on his words and go red you would smile at him he didn't look at you that day

Abraham:as I said before he thought you were a badass but as the weeks turned into months he was more comfortable around you he would joke around with you talking in his very colourful language he thought a girl like you would hate how he spoke but you laughed until you cried which made him smile, he put it on his check list that once a day he would make you laugh and he did

Paul monroe “jesus”:he was very fond of you to say the least when he was home from a run, he would only be with you, you two was two peas in a pod he thought you were clever you would teach him things like play the piano but he would make mistakes here and there because he would be watching you, sometimes you would catch him and he would just smile at you and turn away you felt your cheeks get hot but carried on teaching him to play

Dwight:he saw you as a friend to start off with you two would just talk about how shit things were but that changed he could always count on you being there with him no matter what if he was going out for a pick up he would always stop by your room to ask if you needed anything if you did he would get it to you. negan would always say that he was your puppy because he followed you around like one but he liked it how you always told negan to shut up you would even joke that dwight was your puppy patting him on the head and you actually got a laugh out of him

King ezekiel:his always liked you how you looked how you was so, kind to everyone you always tried your best to like everyone and he saw that you fitted in perfectly as time went by you two spent time together going for walks around the kingdom with Shiva you always found him interesting I mean you've never met anyone who had a pet tiger before he would always compliment you saying that you looked beautiful that day you would thank him saying he looked nice that day to he would smile

This is also on wattpad but I thought I'll post it here to❤️😊

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wide-eyedbrowns · 8 months

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yellowjackets team (alive by season 2) rating and ranking

1. Misty - 9.5/10

i said she was annoying but like i get her now. in both the crash and adult timeline, she has the best story and characterization. maybe because her actresses are so great, but definitely her whole arc is unrivaled.

2. Nat - 9/10

her storylines in both arcs are extremely good. definitely the most important yellowjackets member along with misty, i love their little tandem. i just don't like her purple era but she did find a daughter there!

3. Shauna - 9/10

make up your fucking mind girl! one minute she's against lottie's weird cult shit, the next second she's chasing natalie so she can kill her for food and say the wilderness chose! however her craziness post-birth must be a sort of post natal psychosis. adult shauna makes up like 7 points of the 8.5, she's the better shauna for me because she's a straight up loser with an equally loser husband.

4. Coach Scott - 8/10

high ranking out of pure pity like i am so worried for this man. i hope he's still alive and he's experiencing time-traveling hallucinations or whatever, since time traveling is a pretty big theory. i wish he does survive and all the paul scenes are his present scenes but he's gone off the rocks and thinks he's still in the wilderness. this dude is the only one not extremely or supernatully fucked up bc he didn't participate in the cult thing hopefully. BURN THEM CABINS DOWN BAYBEEE

5. Lottie - 7.5/10

when your schizophrenic dreams are misinterpreted by the rest of the group and you're forced to be the face of cannibalism 😂😂🤣🤣. robbed shauna of her cannibal crown. was just being un-medicated then the rest of the team decided to honor her like a god. there were times were she was annoying but you realize she quite literally has done nothing but every single sidekick of hers decides to speak for her and it just goes wrong every single time.

6. Taissa - 7/10

tie. extremely curious about the bad tai and the man with no eyes, which serves as the only "supernatural" event in the series shown that is not in the wilderness or post-wilderness. it would be fucking crazy if tai was the one who bought "It" in the wilderness instead of it like actually already being there, like maybe that was their home? with all the cult symbols or whatever. sometimes i do just find her boring im sorry, she's just like shauna she's extremely indecisive and it's pissing me off! only 7 bc FREE SIMONE ❤️ joking

8. Travis - 7/10

i pity this man so much but sometimes he's boring and his season 1 arc had me skipping scenes. but his brother went missing, "died", came back, then actually died and then no one said "sorry we had to give up your brother to the wilderness, it was either nat or him and the wilderness chose him! we honestly could've atleast tried in helping him get out of the ice cold water but we were hungy". like can we please give this man a break? i wouldn't be surprised if him and natalie refused to hunt for them, if they're all just going to pick cards and eat each other, why hunt for deer, right?

9. Van - 5/10

i feel like one of the only people with a dislike for van's character like. lottie dickrider, i get you "owe" the wilderness for letting you live like you're obviously the favorite but the way she treats the other yellowjackets pisses me off, especially when she straight up said to travis she wasn't ashamed for sacrificing javi? why is she a stronger indoctrinated christian than lottie? i wish they reveal more about her because to be honest her character's a bit of a blank slate, it would be amazing if they start showing a more deeper relationship between her and whatever's in the wilderness. i feel like, in both the show and the fandom, van doesn't have much to her character without tai. her only storyline without tai is with her mother, which we were shown barely 30 seconds of.

10. Mari - 3/10

i just need her gone

11. girl with the shoulder length hair aka pit girl contender number 56 - 2/10

i remember one line of hers and she was rude to shauna and i just didn't like it

12. lesbian w the cap - 2/10

rude to shauna! dye your hair black and i'll give you a bigger role as possible pit girl number 57

#yellowjackets #shauna shipman #misty quigley #natalie scatorccio #taissa turner #van palmer #lottie matthews #yellowjackets mari #travis martinez #coach ben scott

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your-divine-ribs · 2 months

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Ice Cold Part 27

Words: 2.4k

Lyla gets sent on her assignment to London…

Ice Cold Masterlist Main Masterlist

The not knowing was the worst thing. I tried to console myself with the fact that if anything had happened to Van the news would spread like wildfire within seconds. This was the most high profile case the agency had seen since the days of my father and Paul hunting down Tommy Chappell.

Any agent who was successful in bringing Van down would be hailed as a hero and the perks that would accompany that achievement would mean that my colleagues would now be relentlessly combing the city for him night and day. Their competitive natures likely turning a criminal investigation into something resembling a gruesome gameshow with them as the bloodthirsty contestants and Van as the ultimate prize. A cat and mouse game... except Van was no mouse. I had to believe in him. It was all I could do.

I leant my head against the train window, looking out as the scenery rushed past in a blur, trying to clear my mind but it was useless. I sighed and dug in my bag for my phone, bringing up Jen's number and placing a call.

She picked up immediately, launching straight into a detailed account of my predicament which further clouded my mood. "Lyla! Are you okay? Paul says you've been sent on some stake-out down in London. What the hell's all that about? I mean it's great news that they didn't suspend or fire you, but baby-sitting some rookie agent whilst we're all here desperately tracking Van? It seems crazy!"

"Yeah well... I think Whitman just wants me out of the way. Every time I come up against Van he just gets away. He probably thinks I've lost my touch."

"Not likely!" She replied. "You're the only one who's managed to get anywhere near him! Whitman's been down here in Paul's office all morning. I swear that man looks ill, his face was so red with rage this morning it wouldn't have surprised me if he'd had a heart attack on the spot."

"Wouldn't that be a shame!" I muttered, much to Jen's delight.

"Yeah, he's a fucking nightmare. Honestly, he's tearing strips off Paul in there. I can hear him shouting now. It's like he's holding him personally responsible that Van's still out there."

Her comment gave me hope. "So how's the search going anyway? Have you got any leads?"

"You haven't heard?" Jen's voice raised up an octave with excitement, causing my heart to skip a beat.

"What?" I breathed, my throat constricted with fear, choked with dread at what I might hear.

"You know that hit you foiled the night Jason got killed? Well that nightclub owner's body was found this morning at his house. His girlfriend went round and found him hanging from the light fitting. She was hysterical, thought he'd topped himself because of what they found."

"Well? Didn't he? And what did they find?" I was impatient to hear more, wondering if Van was involved.

"He was a fucking paedophile. There were all these photos of kids strewn everywhere. Like really sick, the worst kind. And he definitely didn't kill himself. His hands were tied. I tell you what Lyla, if this is Van's doing I'd personally like to shake his hand for this one."

My mind was reeling, trying to piece together why Van would be remotely bothered about carrying out a hit after he'd cut himself loose from the organisation. I'd have thought that he'd be laying low, keeping his head down, concentrating on staying out of sight and remaining alive.

"I don't get it," I wondered out loud. "Why would Van still be killing for them when he's on the run?"

There was a sound like Jen was letting out an exhale through pursed lips and I could picture her shaking her head, brow creased up in bewilderment. "That's just it. No one knows. Simon told you that this hit was supposed to be an execution for botching that cocaine shipment delivery didn't he? Maybe it's not even Van. It sure felt like him though. Do you know what I mean?"

I hummed in agreement. Having worked many crime scenes in my time as an experienced agent I picked up on these things. Little tells and nuances that wouldn't be noticed by the untrained eye. Even killers had their own style. Jen was still talking but I'd tuned out, theorising in my head, playing and re-playing the line Van had used last night.

"That's how revenge feels Lyla. It does feel good... it feels damn fucking good..."

But revenge... retribution... for what? It didn't make any sense. It all seemed so... disconnected.

"...then the police were called to that multi-storey car park right next to where you live last night..."

"What?" My attention was shifted instantly back to Jen as I caught her mid-sentence. "What was that?"

"Oh nothing important... I was just saying how Paul had me monitoring the police emergency call-outs last night. It was pretty quiet, just some car theft right near your apartment. You probably heard them. Honestly, three police vehicles called out just for someone nicking a car... and then they didn't even catch them... bloody useless..."

I stepped off the train at St Pancras station and let myself be swallowed up by the crowd. With Christmas only weeks away the London streets were busier than ever with people dashing to buy presents for loved ones, smiles on their faces and excited chatter. Seeing other people's lives flowing on whilst my own was in such a state of turmoil seemed almost surreal, the prospect of Christmas and New Year and all the associated pomp and festivities just seemed alien to me.

At least I had my freedom back, for once I wasn't being watched by George or any other agent. I found it quite curious that all of a sudden just because I'd been taken off the case I wasn't deemed to be a target anymore, but of course I didn't argue. The agency weren't to know that with Van always seemingly close by like some dark guardian angel, I was probably the safest agent of them all whilst I was on my home turf. Maybe not in London though.

I was to meet a newly qualified agent from the London team, Alex, at the hotel in Soho that I was staying at so I hopped into a black cab. No one had specifically said it, but it was obvious I was being expected to supervise on the job. Jen had hit the nail on the head when she'd mentioned 'baby-sitting'. I just hoped Alex wasn't going to turn out to be some fresh-faced, naive stickler for the rules. I'd seen so many churned out of the training programme, spouting legislation and excited to get their gun, then they'd go to pieces at their first murder scene. The first few months on the job either made you or broke you, and some just didn't have the guts for it.

I checked into the hotel, making my way to my room, not bothering to unpack my belongings as I delved into my bag for something to wear. I settled on jeans and a shirt. The last thing I wanted to do was wear something slutty and give Alex the wrong impression. I knew damn well that the whole of the London team had heard about mine and Scott's past hook-ups by now, and my experiences with Jason had made me more cautious about how people perceived me. It aggrieved me to even be thinking that way, but it was the unfortunate reality in this fucked up world, especially in the male dominated line of work that I was in.

I surveyed the hotel bar as I entered, and it was empty apart from a couple sat at the far end and a blonde woman perched on a bar stool at the bar. She turned and gave me a smile as I took my place next to her and I caught the bartender's eye, ordering a large, dry white wine.

I could feel the woman's eyes on me as I waited for my drink but I ignored her. I wasn't in the mood for making small-talk with strangers.

"I'll get this," she said as the bartender set my glass down in front of me.

I'd been digging in my bag for my purse but stopped immediately, raising my head, my gaze meeting a pair of large, beguiling green eyes framed by long lashes. Her glossy cherry red lips pulled into a smile with a hint of flirtation. A few months back I would have welcomed the attention, she was certainly gorgeous, but satisfying my sexual desires with a complete stranger was the furthest thing from my mind right then.

I shot her a smile that wasn't quite warm enough to be welcoming. "Actually... I'm meeting someone.... and I don't accept drinks from strangers."

I turned back to the bartender, handing over the cash, hoping the woman would get the message, but to my surprise she swivelled her body around in the stool until she was fully facing me.

"Well... don't be a stranger then," she said, a slight smirk emerging as she held out a perfectly manicured hand towards me.

I didn't have time for this. I took a deep breath, ready to unleash a cutting remark, but before I could do so she spoke again, stunning me.

"I'm Alex, pleased to meet you."

"Oh... I... errr... I thought..." I stumbled over my words.

"You thought I was going to be a man." She finished my sentence for me, snatching the words right out of my mouth.

I couldn't help but smile, nodding slowly. "You know I hate it when people make assumptions, and here I am doing it myself!"

I stretched out my hand to grasp hers, shaking it warmly. Her smile grew, showing pearly white teeth. She really was striking looking.

"It's okay, I get it all the time. I considered going by my birth name, Alexandra, but you know what? I kinda like it when people are surprised. It's like when people ask me what I do for a living now and I tell them, they're shocked. Maybe they think I should be working in a beauty salon or something! I'm sure you must get that too."

I found myself laughing. "Oh yes, the guys are the worst. I think they find it emasculating when they realise I could probably take them down without even raising a sweat! I'm Lyla by the way."

"Oh I know who you are... you're Lyla Keating. Everyone talks about you on the London team. Your reputation precedes you!"

She was smiling amiably as she spoke, but I felt myself bristling nevertheless. All I could think about were my sleazy encounters with Scott, made all the more scandalous now I'd found out that he'd been married at the time. I could imagine what was being said behind my back.

"Don't believe everything you hear," I said, turning away to take a sip of my wine.

"Oh it's all good," Alex said eagerly. "They say you're bad-ass actually!”

I'd just taken a swallow of wine and the laugh that bubbled up inside me burst forth. I practically sprayed a mouthful of wine over the bar. Alex was laughing as I coughed and spluttered, trying to compose myself.

"Bad-ass?" I managed.

"Come on, you're like my hero!" She giggled. "Some of the stories I've heard sound crazy but I know they're true. That time you took down that arms dealer in Berlin single handedly? And those two gun men in Paris? Not to mention fighting off Van fucking McCann... three times! You're a legend!"

Alex leant over and clinked the top of her beer bottle purposefully on my wine glass. I was enjoying this now, realising that I'd not laughed like this for a long time. It felt good.

"Four times..."

"Huh?"

"Four times," I repeated. "Van... I've... errr... fought him off four times."

Alex took a deep pull on her beer, shaking her head, grinning. "See what I mean? Bad-ass..."

Then her smile faltered a little. "I was... errr... sorry to hear about your partner getting killed though. That's rough."

The mention of Jason which would have caused clammy palms and a racing heart before now only caused a brief flicker of emotion to pass through me.

You're getting more like Van every day...

"Oh yeah, that was... hard. He wasn't actually my partner but it was still difficult."

Alex nodded earnestly, leaning into me. "I know all too well. I've only been in the job for a few months but I was partnered with Scott quite a bit before he was killed. He was such a good agent. He taught me so much, and he was a great guy... kind of a douche to women sometimes... but still a solid.... you know? He'd always have my back."

My recollections of Scott certainly weren't based on personality, more the physical side. He'd taken my preferences for the rougher side of sex and opened up my eyes to a whole new world of dark pleasures. I found myself tensing as Alex continued.

"He spoke very highly of you too. I mean I know everybody does, but Scott... you really made an impression on him..."

The corners of her painted lips twitched as if something had amused her. Some conversation that her and Scott had shared about our less than professional relationship no doubt. Christ... did everyone know what the two of us had been up to? So much for his promises of discretion. Still, curiosity got the better of me.

"Care to share?" I said, taking another mouthful of wine.

Alex's grin widened with that same seductive quality I'd glimpsed earlier, and she placed a hand on my thigh. "Oh... he said you were a fantastic shag!"

My wine slipped down too quickly, causing me to cough again. This girl was trouble, that was plain to see. Nevertheless I found myself being drawn in, my frustrations getting the better of me.

I quickly composed myself, fixing her with an even gaze, projecting a sensuality that came easily to me.

"What d'ya say to getting out of here?"

"I'll drink to that," Alex purred, tipping her head back and draining her bottle. "I know just the place."

#ice cold #van mccann fanfic #au fanfic #vanfic

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hit-song-showdown · 1 year

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Year-End Poll #24: 1973

[Image description: a collage of photos of the 10 musicians and musical groups featured in this poll. In order from left to right, top to bottom: Tony Orlando and Dawn, Jim Croce, Roberta Flack, Marvin Gaye, Paul McCartney and Wings Kris Kristofferson, Elton John, Billy Preston, Carly Simon, Diana Ross. End description]

More information about this blog here

*Turns my chair around so I can sit in it backwards*

So. You were just caught trying to cover up a major break-in into the Democratic National Committee headquarters in order to cement your reelection.

As I alluded to last poll, one major historical event I need to mention is the Watergate scandal. The actual break-in took place the previous year, but the resulting investigations and trials won't start to take place until this year -- after Nixon's reelection. However, there aren't many songs about the incident from this time, or at least not in the charts. Most of the songs protesting Nixon tended to focus on the war.

Speaking of the Vietnam War, 1973 does not mark the end of the war, but it does mark the beginning of the United States' exit. To bring it back to the music, one of the 60's polls included the Monkees' Last Train to Clarksville, a song that wasn't explicitly written about the war, but had the war projected onto it because it's a song about someone leaving home and not knowing when they're coming back. It seems fitting that one of the songs on today's poll is Tony Orlando and Dawn's Tie a Yellow Ribbon[...], a song that wasn't explicitly written about the war, but had the war projected onto it because it's a song about someone coming home and not knowing what his welcome will look like.

Soul music is continuing to have one of its golden ages, with artists like Roberta Flack and Marvin Gaye topping the charts. It's been a while since I talked about Billboard from the business side of things, but the explosion of this genre gives me a good excuse to do so. In 1973, the Billboard chart for R&B songs was changed from "Best Selling Soul Singles" to "Hot Soul Singles". This change may not sound that significant, but it becomes more notable when you see how often this title changes. This article goes more into depth about Billboard's complicated history when it comes to its representation of Black music.

Which reminds me, it's time to start talking about disco. It will reach the polls soon, I promise, but now feels like a good time to set the scene before we get to that point. As I mentioned in a previous poll, the disco scene really came out of soul. Especially Philly Soul, which had lush instrumentation that worked really well with the overall atmosphere of early disco. At this point in history, disco is still an underground subculture, and musically the line between it and soul music isn't that clear. Disco as its own genre of music that could be identified as such by the average listener will come later.

I don't usually talk about the formation of genres until they reach the charts, but I'm going to make an exception here. Because 2023 is the 50th anniversary of this genre, the genre has grown into a dominating musical force across the globe, and it's the only genre I actually studied in college.

In 1973, a Jamaican-American teenager named Clive Campbell (more widely known as DJ Kool Herc) and his sister, Cindy, started hosting parties out of their apartment in The Bronx, New York. These parties would play a lot of funk records, but he wouldn't just play them. Instead, he would play two copies of the same record on a turntable so he could extend the percussion section of the song, also called the break (which is where breakdancing comes from). This would lay the foundation for hip-hop, further expanded by artists like Grandmaster Flash and Afrika Bambaataa. All three of these men are still alive and I've linked interviews with some of them.

Hip-hop and rap are often used interchangeably, but there is a difference. Hip-hop exists both as a subculture and as a style of music. It incorporates art forms such as DJing, breakdancing, graffiti, beatboxing, rapping, and many other elements. That's why I said DJ Kool Herc helped set the foundation of hip-hop. Within early hip-hop culture, the MC was mostly there to bounce off of the DJ and keep the energy up. That isn't to discredit the difficult work of early MCs (trust me, if you were bad at it, the audience would let you know). Rap itself as an art from has a plethora of different artistic roots in Black culture, from scat singing in jazz, to various traditional West African storytelling techniques, to early 20th century gospel groups, to rhyme games, to Black radio DJs. The genre started to get more notice outside of the party scene as wordplay and flows started to expand further, especially as the first hip-hop groups started to form and the MCs became part of the "band". Like disco, hip-hop was still very much an underground subculture, but it would soon take over the nation.

It will be another 17 years before the first rap song reaches number 1 on the Billboard Hot 100 (Vanilla Ice's Ice Ice Baby). We won't see a rap song featured on these polls until 1995. But it's hip-hop's 50th birthday, and so much of modern American culture doesn't make sense without its involvement.

#billboard poll #billboard music #tumblr poll #1970s #1970s music #1973 #tony orlando and dawn #jim croce #roberta flack #marvin gaye #paul mccartney #wings #kris kristofferson #elton john #carly simon #diana ross #billy preston

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youmeyaxleyfc · 1 month

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Midweek matters #2 Is there some clarity among the chaos?

So here we are again.

Our fith manager since January 1st 2023 has left the club.

I am old and have been around this club decades. I grew up on Dave Willis, Paul Humphreys, Jim Watson, Gary Clipston and then Brett Whaley. That's the same number of Managers from moving into the Drove (1992 to 2015) as we have had in 592 days.

Good managers, Yaxley Football Club people who drove the team to out achieve the budget and level of support it generated.

We were punching about our weight getting into the UCL and then famously got promoted to the Prem.

The portakabin that stood where the main building is now was rocking as the loyal band of players and small group of fans bonded, celebrating each win at step 5 as if it were to be cherished.

We then had the Jeff Lenton take over. He put a banner up outside the POSH ground, there was no lack of ambition!

He promised Southern League football for the club and despite it taking 18 years by which time he was looking for less not more invovlement day to day (for thoroughly acceptable reasons) Andy Furnell got us to the promised land.

As we have said so many times before that promotion to Step 4 and the lockdowns killed us in so many ways.

The club could not generate revenue and relations between the junior and senior section deteriorated during that Covid period.

Through in the move to the Nothern League and the Sammy Mould debacle and you think things just about couldn't get worse.

But the news that Simon Roberts had been sacked was a new level.

Robbo (along with Lloyd Burton) took that side of journeymen on when Sammy left and got us through to the end of a horrible season.

He also took on the job last season at step 5 and almost got us into the play offs.

Naturally, there has been a dip. A number of players left (for better money no doubt) and the start has been slow.

But with Yaxley and Peterborough City only merging in the summer there is plenty of mitigation I would suggest.

It will be interesting to see what happens next.

Will Wilks be the long term successor or is he just holding the fort until the club (who are forming their committee tomorrow night) announce a new Manager or open up an application process.

I wish you well Robbo. You didn't deserve this by any means.

#football #soccer #yaxley #yaxleyfc #yaxley fc

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papaver-decervicatus · 1 year

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Headcanons- Simon "Ghost" Riley

Sorry in advance, these are the least organized by FAR and the longest because Roach is my all time fav COD character so a lot of Simon's is just "this is how I would put roach in the story :)" and I also love tattoos and piercings so

Birthday December 22nd, 1993

Early life

The calculation used for his birth year was that he would have been about 29 during the events of MW2 (he enlisted at 17 in 2001, so in 2013 during MW2 he would’ve been about 29.) Therefore, 2022-1993 would be 29 years old during the MWII campaign.

Born in a small rural village outside of Manchester, but moved to the city when he was 10.

His mother, Meredith met his father, Paul at a music festival in Manchester and became pregnant shortly after.

She had Simon at 17 and married Paul, 23, at the urging of her devoutly Protestant parents once they found out she was pregnant.

His father was a construction worker, and was terribly abusive to his family, his mother never had a job or a way to escape because she was practically abandoned by her family after Simon’s birth.

Tommy was 4 years younger.

Undiagnosed autism spectrum disorder. Mostly manifests in masking, sensory issues, unwillingness to break schedules, etc.

I consider most of the Ghost comic canon, except moved up to the appropriate time.

Specialty Section: Roach

I can't wait for this all to need a rewrite in November

Grew up with Gary Roach Sanderson. Some headcanons about Gary include

Is not deaf, but both of his parents are so he almost exclusively communicated in BSL as a child.

Simon was one of the “weird kids” from a combination of his autism and abusive home life. The two got put together on a project once and were inseparable ever since.

Gary definitely always had more energy but Simon was the more outgoing of the two. Simon used to be a very outgoing, casual flirt to the point that Gary would have to drag him away from parties. (The personality of MW2 Ghost, very talkative.)

The two are like brothers. They enlisted at the same time.

Simon and Gary got into some minor teenage shenanigans, drinking, smoking at school, playing truant, etc. they both were definitely the sort of kids that went under the radar, nothing special.

Gary got his name Roach from escaping various explosions relatively unscathed, which led to the joke “only a nuke could kill Roach”.

Unfortunately, this was not the case. Roach lost both his left arm and leg in an IED explosion of which he was the only survivor. He retired from combat after this and now works remotely as a radio technician and software engineer for the SAS in Manchester.

Ghost genuinely considered retiring to help take care of Roach, but Roach wouldn’t let him. He knows Simon can’t really live in a civilian setting anymore.

Ghost lives with Roach when on leave and not doing other things. He the only person outside of the army he really considers a friend that knows his full story.

Brief and nonspecific timeline

As a private, was under Price’s US friend for a few missions. Put in a good word and had him and Gary sent to Price.

Met Price as a corporal, at the time he was charismatic, flirtatious, and generally outgoing after he got over his initial month or so of shyness. Was in Price’s squad for a mission along with Roach.

Went back and specially trained with prices US sniper friend. This is where Simon met Alex as well.

All of her Snipers got names based on “pest animals” (affectionately named “Pest Patrol” or “The Critter Corps” by graduates and Price.)

Gary got Roach for being able to bounce back from any explosion

Alex got Cotton Mouth because he casually picked one up and broke its neck during training once

Simon got the name “Possum” because he was incredibly skilled at “playing possum” or playing dead. Survived multiple really tight missions for his ability to blend in with corpses.

Went to a different squad, gains his Lieutenant rank

Roba happens, Ghost is born.

Captain Price pulls a lot of strings for Simon to make "the Ghost" a tenable position. This makes Price a lot of enemies out of higher-ups but he doesn’t give a damn.

Ghost and Roach are put into a squad together not with price. Work together for three or so years before the IED that wounds Roach.

Roach retires. Ghost bounces around positions because he’s legally “an asset” and not a man anymore.

Task force 141. Knows Gaz for about a year before he meets Soap in Las Almas.

General

He is triggered by Christmas and the holiday season, he found his family massacred on his birthday so neither Christmas or his Birthday are a positive association anymore.

The only person who’s given him a birthday or Christmas present since the massacre is Gaz, which didn’t upset Ghost like he thought it would. Mostly because Gaz didn’t know and Ghost couldn’t have expected him to.

Does not have any technology besides a cellphone and a computer he is required to for his job. The only three non-work related numbers in his phone are his tattoo artist/piercer, Roach, and his therapist

He genuinely enjoys gardening and baking but doesn’t do them frequently because of his life status.

Has a terrible, terrible, terrible sweet tooth, when he can get away with it. When no one is around this man is putting 5 heaping tablespoons of sugar in his tea, but no milk. Never milk.

Doesn’t like hard or sour candy, but does enjoy chocolate and biscuits.

He can, and will, and frequently does, eat all three meals in one sitting. He will eat 400 grams of protein in 4,000 calories in 20 minutes. He eats alone in his room because this shit terrifies people.

Endothermic body build, he’s built like a rugby player. His musculature is not “lean and mean” he is built like a discus thrower.

VENUS DIMPLES

When in public only wears a black surgical mask so as not to frighten others

It’s specifically to cover his Glasgow smile and lip scarring, which is prominent on his lower face

Jeans, t-shirts, hoodies, trainers, the occasional football-themed jersey or cap, nothing special

He has a fake civilian identity that not even Price knows the details of for anonymity's sake.

Has a full sleeve of tattoos and also a patchwork arm sleeve

He's actually famous in the Manchester tattoo scene as a lot of apprentices' first human canvas, under his fake civilian name of course.

Originally he got the war sleeve after his first deployment but went back after he became Ghost to get a tattoo over Roba’s name that was burned into him

The first tattoo artist asked him what tattoos he wanted on the wall and he said “All of 'em.”

His current tattoo artist is a scarification expert, she helped him design a piece to cover Roba’s name on his left hip, it’s a memorial piece to his family with the names “Merideth, Tommy, Beth, and Joey” held on a scroll by an Angel with the massacre date in Roman numerals

He continues to go back to this artist whenever he wants new ink, she is also his piercer. He does not care about his body and the ink on it, so she tries to schedule apprentices with him as their first because he can sit well/is not picky about his ink.

She sends him various pieces of body jewelry for his piercings at random under the guise of “let me know how this goes, wanna know if I can recommend it” etc but it’s really because she cares about him but also knows he won’t let her get him gifts for no reason.

A massive picture of his pierced nipple is in her shop as an example of her work

Has a shitton of piercings including but not limited to:

Quadruple lopes

Two conch

Rooks

Helix

Flats

Industrial (left only)

Bridge (taken out, since healed)

Tongue

Smiley

Lower lip (taken out, since healed)

He’s missing his left nipple, so he has both a vertical and horizontal nipple piercing on his right

4 Jacob’s ladder

Prince Albert's

Ghost wanted a married life and a family before Roba but does not anymore. He intends on dying in the field, he does not think about kids or retirement or alternative careers or dating. He loved Joseph and Tommy and Beth and his mum with all his heart and was a little jealous of the happy companionship they'd found for themselves, he stopped wanting it when he realized how quickly it could be taken away.

Typically avoids attachments because he knows how “loose ends” can end up harming loved ones. He has failed at this, very very very badly.

Ghosts most toxic trait is that he is falsely cynical. He will tell himself til he's blue in the face that he doesn't really care, it doesn't really matter, he doesn't really deserve love, that it's just not important when in reality he cares deeply. Caring is a liability so he tries very hard to cut that part of his brain out, he works out, he doesn't socialize, he avoids attachments because he is convinced he will ruin it for others. He doesn't even know what it is, until it's too late, just like how it took Johnny in Las Almas almost dying for him to open up to him.

Talents, special bonds, ETC

Trained to be a butcher in high school, before he and Roach joined the army. He retained his butchering and knife skills from this time.

Phenomenal aim, he can throw even the least aerodynamic thing and it will hit it's target.

He is a great baker, but a terrible cook besides grilling. No one knows its him, but he will leave trays of fresh baked goods in base rec-rooms.

Surprisingly, he is the softest on recruits when they mess up. He has an uncannily calm ability to diffuse most any situation and turn it into a learning experience, he also will not tell Price if he doesn't think it's that bad.

The inverse of this is if it's bad, his explosion about it is fucking bad.

Kids gravitate towards him and when push comes to shove he is great with kids. He is not terribly comfortable around children but kids love him. Its bittersweet because they remind him of Joey.

Is incredibly close with both Gaz and Soap but in different ways. He sees them both as reflections of him and Roach. As much shit as he gives them, he could not see himself without Gaz's quiet and calm understanding helping him remember how to be human or Soap's loud and explosive personality helping him remember just what being alive feels like.

Price may see Ghost as an equal, but Ghost does not see Price as one, he considers Price very far above him in every possible way. He does not know what Price sees in him.

#navigation -> headcanon tag #simon ghost riley #cod mwii #ghost mwii #gary roach sanderson cod #roach cod

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proclaimtheword · 22 days

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Bible study notes: Gospel of John, Acts, Romans

I had finished the book of Acts yesterday evening, in about a week since I finished the Gospel according to John (I decided to skip the first three gospels for some reason, then just planned to continue on until Paul’s letters; I will come back to it before I finish the NT with Revelation). I had a lot of notes from John, mainly affirming Jesus’ authority, divinity, teaching and resurrection.

A memorable scene for me (as I typically imagine the story play out in my head while reading) is towards the end when the Risen Christ sits down, eats and talks with Peter and John, the disciple he loves, who also says to have written the book. After previously being denied three times when He was being tried, Jesus gives Peter a chance to redeem himself in an almost poetic, parallel manner:

Jesus said to Simon Peter, “Simon, son of Jonah, do you love Me more than these?” He said to Him, “Yes, Lord; You know that I love You.” He said to him, “Feed My lambs.”

He said to him again a second time, “Simon, son of Jonah, do you love Me?” He said to Him, “Yes, Lord; You know that I love You.” He said to him, “Tend My sheep.”

He said to him the third time, “Simon, son of Jonah, do you love Me?” Peter was grieved because He said to him the third time, “Do you love Me?” And he said to Him, “Lord, You know all things; You know that I love You.” Jesus said to him, “Feed My sheep.”

‭‭John‬ ‭21‬:‭15‬-‭17‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

There are many important events in the gospel, but to me that was the most heartfelt and impactful. How the Lord is so good and faithful, even to us who fail Him! Truly He is God and Savior. I was even more in love with Jesus.

And indeed Peter redeems himself—in the next book, Acts, he preached Jesus everywhere, despite facing persecution from both Romans and Jews. As Jesus said to Peter, “On this rock, I will build My church, and the gates of hell will not overcome it.” We see the apostles laboring to get the church off the ground. They were brave and emboldened by the Spirit, and did many wonders in Jesus’ name. I truly believe the apostles’ testimony of the Risen Christ. This is the cause of our faith: the apostles testified that Jesus is the Messiah, and that He rose from the dead, and we must repent and be baptized so we may be forgiven for our sins.

Again, one of my favorite “scenes” from this is when the crowd had plotted to kill Peter and the apostles who miraculously escaped from jail with God’s help, and a council teacher named Gamaliel stands up to them and says:

[…] keep away from these men and let them alone; for if this plan or this work is of men, it will come to nothing; but if it is of God, you cannot overthrow it—lest you even be found to fight against God.”

‭‭Acts‬ ‭5‬:‭38‬-‭39‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

And it made me think, yes! Indeed it is the work of God. If our faith was in vain, it would not have survived and persisted for 2000 years amidst all challenges. How else could you explain that a small group of men started what pretty much was a cult that was heavily persecuted during those times, and that became a dominant global religion that it is today? Jesus told the disciples to preach and baptize “to the ends of the earth” and said, “I will be with you to the end of age.”

God is faithful! In Romans, Paul writes “If God is for us, who can be against us?” In this first book of letters he shows his incredible reasoning and oratory skills. He argues between law and grace, how salvation came first to the Jews then to the Gentiles, and both are equally saved by the same faith in Jesus Christ.

Conclusion: translations, how I read and study, and keeping reverence for the Bible

I have been reading the Bible for about two weeks now. I use NKJV personal size by Thomas Nelson, and I absolutely love it. It’s large print, easy to read, leather copy cover, big and sturdy to hold which makes reading that much more enjoyable. I like my bible clean, I don’t make any marks, and I take good care of it, not only because it cost me money, but also I believe there is a way to study and show respect for the Bible. One thing I realized is that I don’t need to make too many highlights or notes simultaneously. Sometimes the busyness makes you think you’re understanding when you’re actually not, so it’s better to simply read and enjoy and reflect on the text. I can always deep dive a second time. This is how I feel I can go through the Bible quite easily. At this rate I might finish the NT in less than two weeks.

#bible study notes #bible reading #nkjv

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andthebubbles · 3 months

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allrightey, i have edited things (a/b fic), and i'm still very tired after having to watch bridgerton s3 pt2, no idea why it was such a struggle, though i did enjoy screencapping (mostly) anthony's face and talking about it

i would actually really like to write something inspired by s3. but i'm not sure what. i'm not getting any ideas for anthony particularly (i think)... The most i can think of for a&b is benedict (lmao) talking about his time with paul and tilley, but he wouldn't do that (unless anthony tries to drink him under the table (and anthony would fail))...

for cressida, mostly what i want for her is to be less alone. and for uh, something that makes a bit more sense re eloise's decisions

alternatively, perhaps we could have an AU where cressida is already stuck in wales and s1 anthony ends up in wales after running away from duelling with the duke (i.e. perhaps killing him skfjgnkfg) and cressida is eager to get back to london, and anthony just desperately wants to run away (from society, from his guilt). and things Happen. (no, not That (yet? hahaha))

idk, i just like the idea of two people with completely different values/mindsets/etc forced to work together, and they peel back the layers on each other as they go from barely tolerating each other to having respect for each other to-- (??? haha)

but THAT is a lot of work. and i still have a/b fic to write, and then i wanna write the simon/anthony idea i have (hopefully that's a shorter fic haha)

(no, but just think of cressida just completely desperately trying to get back to london (and she's 18 here), and trying to blackmail anthony, and anthony just laughs, because he's been doing real adulting/real business deals--was forced to--since he was 18, and here's cress just trying. and cress is all Offended and anthony seriously Does Not Have Time For Her, and he goes and drinks and hides and cress calls him Useless)

#ask me about the simon/anthony fic if you want to know #i say this to like. zero people interested #fic talk #a/b fic #i don't even have a tag for the simon/anthony fic idea yet #i should just go and try make HDR gifs of anthony having his hair gently tugged. mmm

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girlreviews · 7 months

Text

Review #46: Graceland, Paul Simon

It makes sense to do Graceland next, right? Ha. You might think I’m gonna fucking rip on it after that last post but I did say I loved it, and I do.

Here’s the thing: I think Paul Simon is a twerp. I could write a white paper on his ego and pretentiousness. That ego and pretentiousness would factor into whatever section that covered the controversy surrounding the production and creation of Graceland. That’s a nuanced discussion. He’s still a twerp.

However, he’s a twerp that made a damn near perfect album on this occasion. I’m going to have to keep myself in check or this review will itself turn into a white paper. Simon recorded some of the album with South African musicians including The Boyoyo Boys and Ladysmith Black Mambazo in Johannesburg, and remaining parts in the US with other guest artists like Linda Ronstadt and The Everly Brothers (!!). Unlike his previous work, since he had always been a singer-songwriter type, the music came first and the lyrics came last. This, is SO fascinating to me, because the lyrics are two things in Graceland:

One: Completely disconnected from the sound of the music behind them compared to the lyrical content, which I have always thought just somehow works. Songs about Memphis, songs about New York City, but sung over South African street music.

Two: Absolutely stunning. Masterful. Some of the best to ever be written and sung. I will have a lot of trouble not quoting entire verses. And I don’t always feel this way about Paul Simon. Sometimes I think he misses in a big way. He just didn’t on this record.

I’m going to start with Graceland itself. Make no mistake: this song brought my ass to Tennessee. It did. I listened to this record more in the year preceding my decision to move back to the US more than any other. So much so that I got banned from playing it in my office (true!). Consciously or not, when the time came for me to decide what the fuck to do with my life, I was hearing “I’m going to Graceland, Graceland, Memphis, Tennessee, for reasons I cannot explain, there’s some part of me that wants to see Graceland”. I actually have never been to Graceland. Well I have, I’ve been to the parking lot and the gift shop. But that’s it. I’m not paying that much money to look at some weirdos weird lair. You’re never going to get me to care about Elvis like that. Anyway, I digress. This song breaks your heart. Knowing your love doesn’t love you anymore. Everyone seeing directly inside your totally deconstructed heart and soul looking at the ruins of your future. What do you do to recover from that but hit the fucking road? Accompanying those soul crushing lyrics is a guitar riff that feels like how tears feel. It sounds like you’re in a bath tub and you go under for a minute. It’s under water. And that’s exactly right. It hurts so good.

Next! Oh my god, I want to say my favorite but this is one of those where they’re all my damn favorite. I Know What I Know. Firstly, this is the wittiest Paul Simon has ever been:

“She looked me over and I guess she thought I was alright

Alright in a sort of a limited way for an off night”

But he then describes her as moving so easily “all he could think of was sunlight”, and that’s pretty fucking special. I can’t lie. You could be a twerp but with talk like that, if you were a little funny, and you could sing pretty songs, yeah maybe plenty of women would give you the time of day. Maybe the ego makes sense. This song also reminds me of a former boss, who was actually from South Africa. He just sung the last words of each line, because they were really pronounced “moooooney”, “fuuuuuunny”, and it was annoying as hell. Probably because he was a real racist piece of shit, and one day when I really just told him I had nothing left in me and thought I might kill myself, mans looked me dead in the eye and told me to “pick a different thought and just keep showing up for work”. Money. Funny.

Moving on, there’s this chaotic accordion in Gumboots. I don’t really know how to single out any of the lyrics, but I’ll pick “I said hey señorita, that’s astute I said, why don’t we get together and call ourselves an institute”(the fuck???? Come on! I want to be mad at it, but it’s just the right damn side of the line where he’s not high on its own supply, it just is really that good). It’s a vocal performance for sure. It’s witty again. It’s conversational. It’s confusing. It’s unresolved. There’s joyful happy percussion and trumpets backing that up. It doesn’t make a damn bit of sense and yet it works perfectly.

I can’t get into every other song because they’re all amazing. But a poor boy is “empty as a pocket” in Diamonds of the Souls of Her Shoes. There’s a “roly-poly little bat faced girl” in You Can Call Me Al. In Crazy Love, Vol. II, “the fire in your life” is “all over the evening news”. I really can’t cope with it all.

Here’s my two stories. They’re good ones, too. Like I said, I really got to know this record in 2012, when I found it in the charity shop across from my shitty apartment at my shitty job that ruled my shitty life. I found so many good ones there (Joni!). I listened to it non-stop. Got banned from listening to it. Did it anyway, etc. Wouldn’t you know, it was the 25th anniversary of it being released? Paul Simon toured that year, with all of the original musicians. I saw it. My life was a disaster, and I was miserable all told. The people largely responsible for the misery bought tickets for everyone but me, knowing how much I loved it. But I was given VIP passes by my former housemate who worked for Columbia Records, because yeah! Sometimes you catch a break! I know in spite of all of the misery and pain of that time that felt all consuming, there was a sunny day in Hyde Park where I saw this album performed from start to finish by the original musicians. I wore a cute leopard print dress and have a picture from that day with my very dear friend Sophie, and I can see in my eyes that I was happy. He threw in some other classics too. Even some Simon and Garfunkel. I got drunk. I was in the moment. I was the roly-poly little bat-faced girl. Whatever that means. For me it means I was happy.

Fast forward a year, I moved to Tennessee. Fast forward a few more years from there. I’m married to a man who works for a nice couple who happen to be South African. One Saturday I stop in to see him at work, and he says “Hey girlreviews, I need to introduce you to someone”. That someone was a tall, slender, aging white man that I recognized from a documentary I had watched some months ago. He had a lovely South African accent. My husband tells me, “he worked on Graceland”. I didn’t know what to say, but I shook his hand and told him how much I loved the record and how special it was. I was so overwhelmed I don’t even recall his name without rewatching the documentary, or what role he played in the making of the album.

Brb, crying about that guitar sound for the 87546490075734643th time. If you’ve never heard a guitar under water, all you have to do is get in your car, put on Graceland and head to Memphis. Only the putting on Graceland part is actually required.

#album review #music #music review #rolling stone top 500 #paul simon #graceland

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ladysisyphus · 1 year

Text

So maybe the most important thing you need to know about this mix is that we've been adding to it since 2002.

The original, CD-length version of it (in 2005!) was a mix based on the beats of the anime, which then got separated into Vash and Wolfwood mixes. Then those got rejoined into a single mix and reshuffled to fit the beats of the manga, and then got expanded upon. I think its last major revision was ... 2011? Sure, that sounds about right. The biggest change in recent memory was when we moved it over to Spotify and lost all the songs that aren't on Spotify (including the song the title comes from, though the title remains).

Which means the second most important thing you need to know about this mix is that it's a collaboration, put together by two queer people who were best friends when its creation started, and now have been married for fourteen years.

Tracklist beneath the cut, but you can draw your own conclusions.

Eric Weissberg & Steve Mandell - Dueling Banjos

Los Fabulosos Cadillacs - El Matador Matador, te están buscando / Matador te están matando

Tom Waits - Way Down In The Hole When you walk through the garden / You gotta watch your back

The Wallflowers - Bleeders Gotta keep this together / Maybe next time is never

Greg Brown - Lord I Have Made You A Place In My Heart And I hope that you leave it alone

Ha Ha Tonka - What Shepherds Of These Hills!? We know that history will be the harshest judge

Our Lady Peace - Supersatellite And nothing dazzles me, I am in his dreams / And nothing is shocking, transparent human being

Electric President - Elegant Disasters Now we know what you look like / We know your facade is cracking

Bush - Little Things I'd die in your arms, if you were dead too

Cloud Cult - The Tornado Lessons You got your finger on the trigger / Though you never wanna fight / Put your belly up and aim / For the sky, sky, sky, sky

Cowboy Junkies - Highway Kind Then I'll meet the ones between us, be thinkin' 'bout you / And all the places I have seen and why you were not there

Bruce Cockburn - Use Me While You Can Bullet in a sandstorm / Looking for a place to land

Sting - It's Probably Me You search the city / For your only friend / No-one would you see

Paul Simon - Me and Julio Down by the Schoolyard Goodbye to Rosie, the queen of Corona

Stealers Wheel - Stuck In The Middle With You Well I don't know why I came here tonight / I've got the feeling that something ain't right

Ha Ha Tonka - Giant Strides Chomping at a bit I can't spit out / Some people just need to let it go

Lyle Lovett - Promises If God is my witness / Then God is my savior / But if you are my judge / Then I'm already damned

Bush - 40 Miles from the Sun I need to lose to make it right / I'll confront the stars tonight / I will babble, I will bite

Okkervil River - For the Enemy They'll tie us down / With those fine thin threads / And run their knives / Up and down our skin

Toad The Wet Sprocket - Whatever I Fear Did we expect these things to change / By waking up and suddenly there they are

Radiohead - Sit Down. Stand Up. Walk into the jaws of Hell

Matchbox Twenty - Bed of Lies I know that it's weak, but God help me, I need this

Indigo Girls - Starkville If you were here in Starkville / Well the local girls they wouldn't have a prayer

Emmylou Harris - I Don't Wanna Talk About It Now I wanna go down

The Mountain Goats - Have To Explode You name one thing about us two, anyone could love

Johnny Cash - God's Gonna Cut You Down But as sure as God made black and white / What's down in the dark will be brought to the light

Bush - Machinehead If I had it all again I'd change it all

Counting Crows - Cowboys Oh, I, I will make you look at me / Or I am not anything

Ha Ha Tonka - Dead Man's Hand All around me are wasted plans / Everywhere you look no matter where you stand

Bob Dylan - Not Dark Yet But it's getting there

Wilco - Via Chicago I dreamed about killing you again last night / And it felt all right to me

Matthew Good - Non Populus You know we could have stayed / Instead of crawling off into the wilderness

Psalmships - Heart Carries Blame I'm full of shit but I mean it

W.G. Snuffy Walden - Project Blue

O'Death - Ourselves Alone dear, I know where I'm leaving / Dried up, into the storm

Radiohead - Idioteque We're not scaremongering / This is really happening

Soul Coughing - $300 I need to feel it when the drug starts coming on / I know you lord are a jealous lord

The National - You Were a Kindness There wasn't any way for anyone to settle in / You made a slow disaster out of me

O'Death - Don't Come Back

Radical Face - Ghost Towns But all this time, I been chasin' down a lie / And I know it for what it is / But it beats the alternatives / So I'll take the lie

Joe Pug - I Do My Father's Drugs If you see me with a rifle / Don't ask me what it's for / I fight my father's war

Drew Bunting - Gin I meet him / Half-delivered / But he calls me brother, joy and lover

Dave Matthews Band - Bartender If I go, before I'm old / Oh brother of mine, please don't forget me if I go

Nina Simone - I Think It's Going to Rain Today Broken windows and empty hallways / A pale dead moon in the sky streaked with gray

Okkervil River - The Velocity of Saul at the Time of his Conversion But enough of “the fight,” enough “you and I” / Enough of “prevail” or “walk in the light”

The Flaming Lips - The Ego's Last Stand A man holds a gun / There's no explanation / Oh, he shoots at the sun

The Mountain Goats - High Hawk Season I saw the streets fill up with people that I knew / People who looked like you

Explosions In The Sky - Catastrophe and the Cure (Four Tet Mix)

Jonathan Coulton & Suzanne Vega - Now I Am an Arsonist Touch the sun, my eyes wide open unbelieving / Catch a breath, the only one who's left is leaving

William Elliott Whitmore - Rest His Soul We were living proof of a dying dream / The truth is no one saw us coming / There's always one more song left to sing

#trigun #trigun maximum #fst #i made this #spotify playlist

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briankeene · 11 months

Text

The End of the World as We Know It: Tales of Stephen King’s The Stand

I am pleased to finally be able to announce THE END OF THE WORLD AS WE KNOW IT: TALES OF STEPHEN KING'S THE STAND, edited by myself and Christopher Golden -- an original short story anthology based on the highly influential and seminal work of apocalyptic fiction and good versus evil; featuring an introduction from Stephen King himself and new fiction from a world ravaged by the virus "Captain Trips" and the minds of Josh Malerman, Paul Tremblay, Richard Chizmar, S. A. Cosby, Tananarive Due, Alma Katsu, Caroline Kepnes, Michael Koryta, Joe R. Lansdale, Maurice Broaddus and Wayne Brady, Bryan Smith, Somer Canon, Hailey Piper, Jonathan Janz, V. Castro, Bev Vincent, David J. Schow, Gabino Iglesias, Meg Gardiner, Usman T. Malik, Cynthia Pelayo, Catriona Ward and many, many, many others. (Chris and I had the idea to make the anthology as big as the novel — I’m not going to list everyone because I want you guys to have more surprises between now and the release).

Thanks to Stephen King for entrusting Chris and I with this task. Honestly, we didn’t think you’d say “Do it!” nor did we think you’d say it so enthusiastically. You rock.

Now, since this announcement there have been many questions. With the understanding that for most of this past year, Chris and I have been working behind the scenes to make this happen, there is still a lot that we can’t say. But I will try to answer some of the more common questions here — from one Constant Reader to the other Constant Readers — and at more length than I have on social media.

Q: Who is the publisher? A: Gallery Books - a division of Simon & Schuster

Q: When will the book be available? A: Too early to give a firm date. My best guess is that it will be up for preorder around this time next year, with an early 2025 release date? But that is only my guess and should not be taken as gospel. Could be earlier. Could be later.

Q: If it won’t be out until then, why announce it now, you jerks? A: Because it’s been a crap year for many, and we thought perhaps horror fans and Stephen King fans could use a little bit of good news to brighten their days. Our apologies for trying to make things better.

Q: Will there be foreign language editions? A: Almost certainly.

Q: Will there be a signed, limited edition? A: It is too early to say. Keep in mind, we have not released the full list of contributors, but this is going to be a BIG book. Signature sheets would be a massive undertaking, as would production and printing costs. There are several small presses who could handle that. But that’s not something that is currently in the works. It has taken us most of the year just to get the line-up and the initial contracts sorted out.

Q: Are you open to submissions? A: We are not. And sadly, for those of you who sent us stuff yesterday when you saw this announcement, those were all deleted unread, for legal reasons. Our sincere apologies.

Q: Will you and Chris have stories in the book? A: No. Like we did with THE DRIVE-IN: MULTIPLEX, Chris and I don’t want to take up slots and space that could go to one of our peers. As we did on that anthology, we will simply serve as editors, and will guide and shape the overall project. Sure, we’d kill to write a story set in the world of THE STAND, but that wouldn’t be the right thing to do.

Q: Wayne Brady the comedian? A: Yes, Wayne Brady the comedian.

I think that takes care of most of the common questions. And now you all know why I’ve been singing “Among the Living” by Anthrax for most of 2023…

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zalrb · 1 year

Note

Are there characters that you initially found super annoying or downright loathed but then the show developed them and you ended up liking them?

I think I remember you saying you hated Stefan at first cause of another character Paul played?

Are there any other characters you went from hating to liking? Based on the writing of the character alone not the actor?

Well Paul/Stefan and the whole Donnie debacle was very unserious lmao

so it wasn't a matter of writing for Stefan or Paul acting as Stefan, it was just horror flashbacks to The O.C. combined with Twilight being very big at the time so I was just resistant.

For your question, Sansa comes to mind, she has wonderful written development, which I talk about in the general TV masterlist.

And Bodie in The Wire, which is less about development and more about understanding and taking everything in context of this brutal environment because The Wire is just ...

I didn't hate Bodie because so many things aren't his fault but he definitely was more a character I sympathized with objectively when I first watched The Wire and when season one started whereas I had way more emotional investments in other characters like Wallace

youtube

Bodie is introduced as somewhat of a bully (to Wallace)

youtube

and then he's a part of one of the most heartbreaking plot points of the entire show where he eventually kills Wallace

youtube

but he's a kid, they're all just kids who are pawns for adult drug dealers who use kids to kill other kids and I got that when I first watched it but again for Bodie, it was more objectively because he (and Poot) killed Wallace, which was such a sad scene that David Simon said the crew on set were just pissed off that they had to film it, Michael B Jordan kicked his mom off set because she wouldn't stop crying, like it's just a mess of a scene.

But as the seasons of The Wire continue and the show explores the cycles of The Game and how it never ends and players get replaced constantly and you see Bodie grow up (to a point, he eventually gets murdered) it's just really done well seeing how incredibly tragic his character is in how even something like killing Wallace was him seeking approval and respect from the adults in his life

youtube

how he had the persona he did in season 1 because he had to or else he would be Wallace, how he'd been on the corner since he was 13 and started to feel old at like 21, how in season 1 when he learns how to play chess he wants to be a king or at least climb and attempt to be a king only to realize three seasons later, he's a pawn, always been on a pawn and dies as a pawn, how when we do see a bit of his softer side particularly in relation to just speaking to a cop, it gets him killed like by the time Bodie's death comes, I feel extraordinarily sad for him.

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letters-tto-my-mother · 2 years

Text

I can't see a future for myself and that scares me

I haven't taken my meds in over a year I want to be loved for me, not the sedated version of me

Me/Jordyne:

It seems like the worlds smiling without me

Should morals be dictated by fear of punishment?

They all had opinions of how the serial killer should be killed, and seemed to feel pity for his victims. I felt nothing, once again. I acted like I had a bit of an opinion but I really didn't. It felt the same as hearing what was for breakfast.

Why do you look like you just killed something?

I feel repulsed by my own body which somehow seems to be oozing germs, when there really isn't anything there. I wanna skin myself., claw my skin up and scrub underneath it so I'm clean. This is what it means to be sick, means to be constantly obsessed.

I love books that are

They just don't give out lobotamies like they used to anymore

(I'll say it to your face. Go fuck yourself.)

I've never felt romantically or sexually attracted to anyone before. I don't feel anything, including those things.

My Number One Man: Evangelos Kosmos

https://www.kijiji.ca/v-dogs-puppies/sudbury/beautiful-full-breed-yorkie/1651421147

240 Pack $53.39

JAM Paper Round Circle Label Sticker Seals, 2.5 inch diameter, White, 2 Sets of 120 (2147615066g)

0.22

That's okay. In taking the highest dose of medication they're allowed to give out and it's still not working

Alyssa/Aisha: Eyes scorched out & Beheaded

Charlize:

Hilise:

Kiera: Beheaded

Evienrose/Eve: Suicide by drinking poison

Louise:

Athanasia: Executed by hanging

Aria Roscente:

(Florentia):

Cayena:

Jayna:

By ,, Nakov

Nausea

1. Penelope & Callisto

2. Eris & Anakin

3. Ruby & Izek

4. Bianca & Zachary

5. Charlize & Dylan

6. Aria & Asher

7. Leticia & Erden

8. Olivia & Ian

10.

11.

12.

13.

14.

15.

16.

17.

18.

Vivi & Ahin / Ayesha & Hades / Cassia & Zester / Hilise & Axion / Lily & Vlad / Lariette & Ian /

1. Aria Roscente

2. Astelle Leston

3. Bianca De Arno

4. Cayena Hill

5. Charlize Ronan

6. Cassia Greze

7. Eris Misérian

8. Fiona Green

9. Hilise Inoaden

10. Kiera Parvis

11. Leticia Grey Halstead

12. Medea Solon

13. Penelope Eckart

14. Rudbeckia De Borgia

15. Roxana Agriche

16. Serena White

17. Soru

18. Tatiana Cartier

19. Verta Alberhart

20.

I felt myself in a solitude so frightful that I contemplated suicide. What held me back was the idea that no one, absolutely no one, would be moved by my death, that I would be even more alone in death than in life.

Jean Paul Sartre, Nausea

Notes from Underground

Novella by Fyodor Dostoyevsky

I'm Thinking of Ending Things Novel by Iain Reid

House of Leaves Novel by Mark Z. Danielewski

The Butterfly Garden Book by Dot Hutchison

S. by Doug Dorst and JJ Abrams

This book is not a suicide note. Ten days after Edouard Leve handed in the manuscript of Suicide to his publisher in 2007, he hanged himself in his apartment. He was 42. Two years after Jean Amery's On Suicide was published in 1976, the author took an overdose of sleeping pills. He was 65. ...

Notes on Suicide

Book by Simon Critchley

Nutmeg, Lemon juice, Vegetable Shortening, Garlic powder, Cocoa powder, Apple cider vinegar, Canola oil, Unsweetened milk, Colored dye, Soy Milk, Distilled vinegar, Soy sauce, better than bouillon vegetable paste*, Soy curls, Vegetable broth,

1 vegan yellow onion, vegan ground beef, chili powder, (oregano dried), paprika, unsweetened almond milk, vegan broth, rotini pasta, shredded vegan cheddar cheese,

Cinnamoroll Plush Slipper Boots

Thing I Want to Buy:

1. A Pocket Dictionary of the Vulgar Tongue $18.95

HYPE

Hype Honeydukes Holo Harry Potter Lunch Bag

Harry Potter Birthday Party: Honeydukes loot bags

You can justify anything if you do it poetically enough.

...You can only subject people to anguish who have a conscience. You can only punish people who have hopes to frustrate or attachments to sever; who worry what you think of them. You can really only punish people who are already a little bit good.

These were good people and they had been good to us and we had therefore had a good time. To conclude otherwise was frightening, raising the specter of some unnameable quantity without which we could not abide, but which we could not summon on demand, least of all by proceeding in virtuous accordance with an established formula.

When you pushed me in the water, I swam I had to go my whole life learning, so that I wouldn't drown. You said you treated me like shit cause I deserved it When really you were just miserable with yourself

I let you

Cause I'm taking back my power,

Rico Nasty - Smack a Bitch

My Favourite Badass Girl's: Carter, Sloan,

Sloan D'Aboville: the Jefa of the Spanish mafia / La Jefa of the Spanish Mafia / evil, unforgiving and cold

Point of Menace : Sloan D'Aboville : the Jefa of the Spanish Mafia - evil, unforgiving and cold

Carter [ON HOLD] : Carter Knight : Leader of the Devil's Reapers (Mafia) -

Sinners like us don't find forgiveness in a church no more

This for my people going through depression This for the kids who never felt affection This for the kids whose parents don't accept them Saying they love everyone else except them

It seems like the worlds smiling without me

(God) (The Dream)

Why does my throat burn when I drink energy drinks?

If this happens to you, caffeine could be a culprit. "Caffeine relaxes esophageal sphincter, which allows acid to come up in the throat,"

2. You’re peeing orange

Urine that is dark yellow or orange is a telltale sign of dehydration. "Coffee is actually a diuretic that can lead to dehydration by increasing the amount you urinate so you lose too much body fluids," says Amy Gross, MPH, RD, CDN and a clinical dietician at New York Presbyterian Hospital. Caffeine usually doesn’t trigger dehydration until after you’ve had about 500 mg, so you should be safe if you stick to a cup or two of coffee a day.

"They love without measure those whom they will soon hate without reason."

It is not that [the sociopath] fails to grasp the difference between good and bad; it is that the distinction fails to limit their behavior.

Should our morals be dictated by fear of punishment?

I didn't think I'd make it to 12. I'm turning 18 this year.

Hearing words of love sounded like a record on repeat. You loved me, but I didn't love you.

Most days, it feels like I'm eating my own heart

I thought I needed to get worse before I could get better

Mother's often have nowhere to put their rage. More times than not, it gets directed towards their daughters, because they are a clear image of what they could've been. An unmoulded version they could make into something to feel as if they have accomplished something themselves.

111111u

The truth is cruel. The people we love don't really love us back.

I cannot understand this feeling, and there's no way to explain it

Unless you are constantly exposed to a certain amount of pain, you will be afraid of it

Sometimes I wonder if there's something waiting for me in life. If maybe I'll wake up one day and suddenly want to live it.

You can't save me, and I'm afraid I'll drag you down with me

The side of me that was lovely, the side of me that cared about others. It made me sick to think that it was all a lie.

My mother tells me "Don't bleed on my floor," but she's constantly cutting me.

You told me you loved me my whole life, yet I never felt a thing

When the only emotion you ever showed me was anger, I welcomed it with open arms. I wanted you to feel something for me, even if all that was is rage.

In your eyes, what do I look like? Am I as bad as I make myself seem?

I had nowhere to put this sadness, so it turned into anger

A lifetime of sadness turns a person angry

I sat with my sadness long enough, until it became anger

Just because someone has it worse, doesn't mean you don't have it bad

I'm sorry that I broke your heart because I didn't know love

I'm sorry that I broke your heart because I didn't feel know love myself

I'm sorry that I broke your heart because I didn't know how yo love

I can't feel like others do so I end up hurting them by my bluntness ))

Thing Called Love

Not Sober

Rainstorm tixzystcks

Happy Face

Holy Molly

Famous Hoes

First Place

Virtual)) blue Balenciaga))

Robbin Hood

Hold Me While You Wait

Be Alright

Waves

I'm sorry that I broke your heart because I couldn't feel love in mine

Mafia Boss Female Lead's: Sloan D'Aboville (Point of Menace : RuStYtAbLeS) Carter Knight (Carter : Rachel1Levy)

Mafia Boss Male Lead's: Evangelos Kosmos [Gigi] (Serendipity & Sovereignty)

Medea Solon : ESTJ

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