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makeste · 3 years

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BnHA 6th Popularity Poll Reaction Post - Risky Spoiler-Dodging Edition

hey guys, so seeing as the results from the 6th popularity poll were leaked today, I figured I would do a separate reaction + analysis post this year, rather than piling it in as an extra on top of the chapter reaction post tomorrow. I figure this makes more sense anyway, since they’re really two completely different things. also this way I can write as much as I want lol.

also, just fyi, I am still completely unspoiled for chapter 293. and probably the smart thing to do to keep it that way would be to log off tumblr and hold off posting this until tomorrow, but I apparently have no impulse control today so oh well. anyway, so I’m hoping you guys will keep this spoiler-free if you don’t mind! as always, I would prefer to just jump right in completely unaware tomorrow like Troy returning to the study room with the pizza boxes lol.

okay so this first part is just going to be my predictions. fyi I am writing this part on Wednesday night, and then I’ll add on the results part on Thursday or Friday (ETA: Thursday, apparently, since I am impatient.)

okay so first of all, just as a refresher, this poll was open to Japanese voters from Aug 3 to Sep 30. meaning chapters 279 through 285. meanwhile last year’s poll took place around the tail end of the MVA arc. so between then and now we had Heroes Rising, the Endeavor Agency arc, and the War arc up to the part where the 1-A kids took on Gigantomachia in Gunga, and started battling Tomura in Jakku. so technically only a couple of arcs, but a LOT of stuff going down in them. oh and season 4 of the anime as well

so! firstly, I predict that my truculent africanized honeybee son will hold on to his crown at #1, coming off a year in which he did some internship-boosted soul searching, borrowed OFA in movie canon, and finished out the voting period as the my-body-moved-on-its-own character development MVP. like CALL ME CRAZY lol, but I’m pretty sure his title is safe. and then after him will be Deku and Shouto as usual

Aizawa should hopefully also have a strong showing because the dude had a banner fucking year. reunited with his old dead friend, took on Tomura with his hopelessly inept hero pals, and then chopped his fucking leg off. he had better be in the top 10. his fucking leg died for this, idk what else he has to do

Endeavor also stands a decent chance of doing well given the internship arc and the final episode of season 4. which I’m sure will go down just swimmingly if that does happen lmao. especially if he somehow manages to rank higher than...

Dabi, which I don’t think he will btw, but you never know. anyways though, but I’m thinking Dabi’s going to have a stronger showing than in past years (in the last poll he only got 367 votes and was ranked 19th). mostly because of his fight in the Gunga mansion, and his cheekily censored name reveal to...

Hawks, who is also going to rank pretty high here, I think. might be he loses some points for killing off Twice, but his back was basically to the wall there. and he has always been very popular, and I think season 4 will also give him a boost, along with his heavy involvement in the first half of the War arc

Tomura was already in 6th place last year and I think he cracks the top 5 this year. he’s gotten exponentially more popular since the MVA arc, and got a boost in the last poll even though his flashback had only just barely happened, and he hadn’t finished Awakening yet and all that stuff. anyway, so he’s only gotten cooler and more tragic since then so I think he makes a big play here

Kirishima, Momo, Tokoyami, and Mina should also hopefully do well, since the poll opened right in the middle of all that Gigantomachia action, and Toko had just got done being an absolute badass and protecting his birb dad. I don’t think he’ll quite make it to the top ten, but he should

and last but not least, I’m hoping that Mirko will come out and take the polls by storm, although I have no clue how popular she is in Japan lol. she’s clearly Horikoshi’s favorite though. she SHOULD be everyone’s favorite, but I mean, we’ll see how it goes

anyway that’s it as far as predictions! and so now, through the magic of writing stuff at different times, we will fast-forward to the part where we actually find out the results!

OH MY GOD YES, STEAMPUNK KHLKSLLKL. HERE FOR IT. JOLLY GOOD SHOW. 5 STARS

Kacchan looks SO COCKY and SO HAPPY and SO ADORABLE, YES I SAID IT. he is adorable as FUCK. I don’t quite know what it is about this particular Kacchan that just screams “LOOK HOW FUCKING CUTE MY STUPID, LOUD SON IS WITH HIS BIZARRE WINDOWPANE-LOOKING CONVERTIBLE SUNGLASS GOGGLES and his POORLY TIED CRAVAT”, but I think it’s because he looks like if a Digimon character and a FMA character had a baby

anyway, so it looks like most of the people present here are more or less who we expected to see. except that I can’t tell for sure if that’s Dabi or Shindou, and if it’s Shindou I’m going to punch somebody in the face so you will have to excuse me

Iida wearing a TRENCHCOAT and a TOP HAT with ENGINE EXHAUST GOGGLE ACCENTS is my new favorite Iida of all time. take note how there is no possible way he can wear those goggles with them sitting on top of his hat like that. plus he’s already got glasses on. these are just purely for aesthetic and IF THAT AIN’T JUST THE STEAMPUNK WAY

Deku out here speaking softly and carrying a lead pipe. Kacchan you best look out. seems like he’s done watching you take first place year after year while he languishes in the number two spot. your only hope is that he trips while attacking you because his boots are unbuckled

Shouto’s standing over there with the rest of the non-first-and-second-place characters, but what are the odds his results are actually within spitting distance of Deku’s same as always. anyway he doesn’t mind, though. also his outfit is by far the most sensible one here, but if you look closely he’s got some sort of fire extinguisher/jet pack thing strapped to his back that’s got a control switch on his belt. Shouto are you jetpacking or putting out fires

Kirishima out here all “I’m not sure what steampunk is so I’m just going to take off my shirt and pose”

AIZAWA WITH THE EYEPATCH SKLKSDLKFJLSKJLDFKJSLDFFJLDKSJFL:KS. SIR. SIR. also, lowkey furious that Horikoshi refuses to show us the automail leg that he is clearly sporting here but which we just can’t see, SHOUTO MOVE GODDAMMIT

Endeavor has TWO fire extinguisher-slash-jetpacks. THE BETTER TO... WHATEVER. look at you here in the top ten again. you really live for that controversy

HAWKS OUT HERE WITH HIS STEAMPUNK BEATS BY DRE AND HIS WEARING A RING ON EVERY FINGER. nice to see you’ve still got your wings there, kiddo. then again Deku still has both of his arms too so who even knows what is going on

BUT SERIOUSLY THOUGH, IS THIS DABI OR SHINDOU. as if I don’t know the truth deep down in my heart. y’all I am gonna flip lmao. it’s not that I dislike Shindou, strictly speaking. but just... I can’t explain what it is, but if you put him and AFO next to each other and told me “you can only punch one”, I would be having a serious crisis. just, THIS FUCKING GUY, idek. STOP SMILING

Tomura looks like he just wandered onto the set here by mistake and has no idea where he is or what is going on. it’s because you’re wearing a bigass severed hand that’s blocking your entire view, Tomura. just take the hand off your face my sweet murder dumpling

anyway! so I managed to also find a link to the full poll results while somehow managing to avoid spoilers, and then I wanted to compare the results to last year’s poll, and so I made... this

hopefully you can all see this. if you’re on desktop you might be screwed, but on mobile you should be able to click and enlarge it. I mean, assuming you actually give a fuck about boring poll analysis spreadsheets lmao

anyway, so there were actually 13k fewer votes cast this year which is a bit of a surprise. is the series not still growing in popularity? do people apparently have better things to do during their quarantine lol

anyways but despite this, and despite getting 8k fewer votes overall, Kacchan still managed almost twice as many as his closest competitor. well fought, Deku. please put down that pipe

I somehow always underestimate the power of ship popularity to influence these things. but for example, it looks like Present Mic got that Vigilantes Trio bump. ride that wave for all it’s worth my man! hell, you got me on board

Iida fucking Tenya somehow got some sort of POWER BOOST out of NOWHERE which I can’t explain at all lmao, but I’m here for it. NOT BAD FOR AN OLD MAN

Sero managed to get the exact same number of votes in both 2019 and 2020. clearly the most loyal fans in the business

Mirko being all the way down at #20 is, of course, a travesty, and I hereby nominate her to be the one to punch Shindou in the face

ngl though, the lack of a single female character in the top ten hurts just a bit. it’s not overly surprising, but still. the worst part of it is that even if you kicked Shindou to the curb and moved everyone else up one slot, it would still be all dudes since Mic beat out Momo by a margin of a little more than a hundred votes. hard to stay mad at Mic for too long, though. ah well

Tomura actually lost a bunch of votes which is a genuine surprise to me. I know the villain standom isn’t as dominant in Japan as it is in Western fandom, but still. you can go ahead and punch Shindou too I guess

Tokoyami lowkey doubled his vote count over the past year while hiding down there at #18. he is slowly becoming more powerful. biding his time

anyway so I think that’s it! I mean not really, but I’m getting kind of tired lol. so just, you know, insert the usual gripes at Overhaul’s ranking here, although we can be happy about Magne making her way onto the list (r.i.p.), and Mineta and AFO taking a very satisfying slide down (all the way out, in AFO’s case; good riddance you bum). Hadou also got a huge boost which is awesome. Mustard’s persistent ownership of the #36 spot will forever remain a mystery to me, but oh well

anyways, this was fun. and I really do feel like everyone is looking away on purpose so that when Deku brains Kacchan with that pipe in about two seconds from now, there will be no witnesses, oh my fucking god

#bnha 293 #bnha popularity poll #bakugou katsuki #midoriya izuku #todoroki shouto #aizawa shouta #shigaraki tomura #bnha #boku no hero academia #bnha spoilers #mha spoilers #bnha manga spoilers #makeste reads bnha

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zontiky · 3 years

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au where the apocalypse was never a threat or a concept to begin with

*cracks knuckles* now i could make this a decent upbringing au OR i could make it EXTREMELY COMPLICATED and you know me you know exactly what im about to do ;)

reginald THINKS he’s prepping them all for the apocalypse but reginald is a child-abusing FOOL and an alien BASTARD and there’s no apocalypse there never was there never will be. the world is safe and sound but the hargreeves children aren’t.

five runs away from home and gets thrown into april 1st, 2019. the world is thriving. he did it. he tries to get home but he can’t because he’s stuck and im now realizing that everyone reading this post has seen a million fics with this exact concept but FUCK YOU THIS IS MY CITY NOWWW

so he’s stuck in 2019 and he’s like ah fuck ah SHIT what now! and goes to the academy and it’s not like he was super far away from it in the first place. he didn’t even make it a mile away it’s like a 5 minute walk back home lmao

now because reggie thinks there IS an apocalypse he still killed himself and i hate him a lot so cough ahem anyway

five shows up on the mansion and expects dad to be sitting there in his office, doing his evil dad evil villain thing yk the drill

but instead he comes in to an empty house. mom is unresponsive. he cant find pogo (dont ask where pogo is. hes doing monkey butler things ok). and diego is climbing in through the window

five freaks out because WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU THIS IS MY HOUSE and jumps diego and diego goes down HARD because WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT MY DEAD BROTHER?? MY BROTHER WHO DISAPPEARED 17 YEARS AGO?? WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCKKKK

so they try to beat the shit out of each other for a second and by that i mean five tries to beat the shit out of diego whos gained his senses by now and is trying to convince his brother (his BROTHER) that technically he lives here too please stop punching me

luther comes downstairs.

“IS THAT FIVE???”

“SHUT UP AND HELP ME THIS LITTLE FUCKER CAN PUNCH”

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA”

they manage to calm him down when five catches sight of diegos tattoo

WAIT I FORGOT THAT THE FUNERAL WAS BEFORE APRIL FUCK NEVERMIND SCRAP THE PAST 13 BULLETS ABORT MISSION

so five lands in april, goes to the house, and by then the hargreeves have cleared out and are back to doing their own thing more or less. he comes up to the door and grace (pogo has fixed her by now because i said so) welcomes her son back home like he never even left

she gives him a hug

reginald is gone and she hasnt seen her sun in years and dammit, he deserves that hug okay? she gives him a hug.

five pulls away. mom hasnt hugged him for years because he stopped letting her and he’s not about to change his mind now

“where’s everyone?” he asks. he doesn’t even consider that everybody is gone, because where would they go? or maybe it just hasn’t hit him exactly which time he jumped into, maybe he still hasn’t made the connection exactly what age his siblings are now, maybe he has but he still hopes he can deny it for a little while longer

grace wants to hug him again but she refrains. she calls his siblings

one by one, in the span of the next week, she gets ahold of them and calls them back to the academy. “important news,” she says. “you’ll want to -- you’ll need to be here,” she says. “your brother,” she says, and her children listen and come back home

luther is at the academy when five gets here. because, where would he go? he can’t go back to the moon, and dad is gone, and he’s never even been on a bus alone before, where would he go?

when five sees him for the first time he almost cries, because he’s so much bigger and taller and older and what happened to him??

this is his new reality. this is the new luther

but it isn’t, it can’t be, because five is going to get back home and he’s going to fix it, he’s going to fix this and he’s going to grow up just like his siblings did, and it won’t even be long before he’s back home almost two decades ago.

vanya is next to arrive, and five almost -- almost -- smiles at her and gives her a hug and teases her how she’s still shorter than him, but she has such a blank expression on her face and the way she looks between the portrait of him (he hated that portrait from the beginning, he wanted to burn it because hes back now, isnt he? and he’ll go back home and not leave again, but pogo didnt let him) stops him. it will only be a couple of days and he’ll be going home already, he tells grace, so maybe the others dont even have to come here. she nods and smiles and says nothing

diego comes a day or so later, dragging klaus along, and five is stunned by how they look once again. diego looks battle-hardened and angry like he never did just last week, five’s last week, but now he scowls and doesn’t stutter and dresses himself in black and he lives alone and diego looks so lonely but five doesnt think about it because its not his business and he knows better and its diegos own damn fault for cutting contact, isnt it? and even if it weren’t five will go back and fix it all

five knows klaus has been doing things for a good year or so know, but this -- living on the streets, giggling even as diego forces him inside, making lewd jokes with his eyes out of focus -- he couldn’t have even imagined. he stamps down the feeling of i should have been there to help stop him and doesn’t think how sad and angry at their father seeing klaus like this makes him feel, instead he forces thoughts of it’s his own fault he ended up this way and i’m going to get back and fix this (but that’s not a thought he has to force. he will. he has to. it won’t even be another week before he figures out how to get home)

allison gets there next. she took the first plane she could get on to get home and pushed off all her appointments but she had a family emergency just last week and it was hard to get away and she looks so sad even when she opens her arms for a hug and five cant help but relent and give her one. diego scoffs and allison lets loose a dig thats more of a barb thats more of a sharp sentence splitting the air and hitting her brother square in the chest. five doesnt say anything but his stomach twists. just a week or so and he’ll fix it because even as children they never said things like that to each other

he waits for ben to come last. he must be the most adjusted of them all, right? ben read a lot last five saw of him, and hes one of the smartest of them, and secretly five always thought that ben deserves to have friends that he doesnt live with

ben doesnt come

he asks mom and she smiles and he asks the others and they look away and he asks again and someone -- and it doesnt matter who because his ears are ringing and hes stumbling back and falling onto the couch -- says that ben died. ben died years ago.

ben died four years after five left

fives head is spinning and he needs to get back, he needs to stop it he needs to fix it he needs to make it all better because it was never supposed to be this way

(you thought this would be a happy au didnt you?? haha bitch think again)

(it is but they have to get there smhhh)

klaus laughs and elbows the air next to him and five asks, he doesnt beg, he asks him if he can summon ben

everyone scoffs. rolls their eyes. klaus is high as a kite and hes holding a bottle of whiskey and he looks like he hasnt been sober in days. weeks. years. and he’s a liar and ben is gone for real, im sorry, five. i know this must be hard for you

that can’t be right. five wasnt there for all of klaus’ lies and stealing and drunken sobbing. five remembers klaus rolling a joint at the breakfast table like it was last week -- and it was, it was, he’ll fix it still, but to five klaus is still just his brother. just klaus

he asks, not begs, five doesnt beg but he comes damn close in this moment, to tell him the truth

and klaus looks around and ben whispers please, klaus, just try and five is looking at him with wet eyes and he’s thirteen he’s so young and -- he can’t say innocent. none of them have ever been innocent, not since reginald hargreeves adopted them all those years ago. but five...

he tells the truth. and five believes him

so anyway five cant get back and then they decide well ok five while youre staying here we might as well buy you some clothes. ones that arent literally 20 years old. jesus these uniforms are ugly

my jaw is clenching so hard and im cold asdflksdh so im gonna end this here and maybe rb it and continue lated idk 😳😳

WHOOP this is getting away from me i know u didnt come here for quote poetic unquote bullshit but weihfsdkjdhskf THATS WHAT UR GETTING I GUESS XX <3

#asks #ftag #five hargreeves #nopocalypse au #aus #tua #the umbrella academy #im not reading over this. all the typos are there for the Authenticity and Flavor #misc #hfhkjwjkfdsaihshf #I HOPE U LIKED IT IM OUT OF PRACTICE DOING THESE 😭😭#not!fic

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sunsetsover · 3 years

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Just hopping on the anons last week who said they'd done reading around BPD and Ben etc after reading your posts to say... when Whitney told Ben he makes everything about himself in this week's eps I immediately thought of you! Like lemme explain lmao I remember last year you wrote about how lots of fans said Ben was making everything about him when him and Callum had that argument about the warehouse job in Sept.? And you wrote about how you viewed it and how looking at Ben through a lense of mh goes a different interpretation etc. Idk Whitney saying that just made me recall your thoughts on the fandom saying the same thing lmao.

(although tbh I didn't think Whitney was v fair saying that anyway bc how was he meant to know Callum had witnessed a stabbing etc?? He wasn't making it about himself he was simply worrying about the info he had access to???)

no joke i literally thought the exact same thing after i watched it yesterday. not the post (tho i do remember what you're talking about!) but i was like 'oh ben's behaviour is VERY bpd' like probably the most obvious example we've had since 2019 maybe and then i was like man.... how many people are going to have Bad Takes abt ben's behaviour and how he's 'selfish' and then i was thinking abt what whit said and it reminded me of something i heard once and i've tried to find it but i can't and i'm gutted bc it made so much sense but it was abt how bpd are often viewed as selfish or making everything abt us but we do that bc we literally feel like everything IS because of us/our fault. it's literally a Symptom. like when you're hypersensitive and terrified of everyone abandoning you EVERYTHING feels personal.

like someone's in a bad mood? clearly i have done something to put them in a bad mood. someone doesn't reply? clearly they hate me. you smile at someone in public and they don't smile back? clearly they can sense something is Wrong with me and didn't want to engage. either that or they think i'm hideously ugly. that's the default assumption, that it's somehow something to do with me. not that they're going thru their own shit or that they're busy or tired. and then when we're talking abt someone you're close too, the fear of abandonment comes into play where you either start to push them away bc you're convinced they're gonna leave anyway or frantically do things or change things to help convince them to stay, and both of these can go very extreme. and ofc it's not logical but we can't help it. i'm always saying this to people in my life: i know how i'm feeling/what i'm doing isn't logical and it doesn't make sense, but i literally can't help it. it's like the sensible you is locked in the back of your brain forced to witness all of your own bs but they're literally powerless to do anything about it.

which is also why i can understand under the hysteria of your own fear of abandonment and hypersensitivity why ben could convince himself callum was gonna leave him for whitney. like ofc i get why ppl would find that unrealistic and offensive, but i can't NOT see him as bpd, and when you have bpd that fear of abandonment is so so incredibly pervasive that you start thinking things like that and convince yourself that they're real. like you genuinely believe them. and someone of sound mind is like 'that doesn't make any sense, he's gay' but like.... that almost is irrelevant to a certain degree. your own belief that you're so unlovable and that everyone is going to leave you holds SO much weight in your mind, more than even reality itself.

like you could almost compare it to hallucination. reality and logic dictates that it's impossible for there to be a man crawling on the ceiling, but if you can see it and hear it and feel it then ofc you're going to believe it's real. reality and logic become irrelevant bc you KNOW it's there, even though it isn't, u know? it's the same kind of thing: reality says ofc callum isn't gonna propose to whitney when he's married and literally gay, but that all-consuming fear of abandonment is so much louder when it says 'he's lying, he's sneaking around w his ex, he's not talking to you about anything, he's got a ring, ofc he's gonna propose to her, she didn't ask him to quit his job or force him into a position where he had to lie for months, ofc he was gonna leave, he just married you out of pity, this is all your fault, you don't deserve happiness or love bc you're a bad person lmao what did you even expect?' etc u know

if i'm being completely honest if i were in ben's shoes i could EASILY see myself being convinced my gay partner is gonna leave me for their ex of the opposite sex. like worryingly easily. and tbh between that and what was going on with kheerat, i actually think he coped surprisingly well. like i genuinely thought that yesterday that if i was in his situation i probably would have reacted much worse and been in much worse a state than he was. and i'm not just saying that, i think his growth since 2019 is obvious in how tame his reaction to it all was tbh.

i realize probably no one will bother but if anyone really is interested and wants to understand more then u should watch this video. i've timestamped it at the first point bc if nothing else u should listen to that bc it helps explain what i've said in a much better way esp the example abt clearing out the garage but the whole video is really good and i would love for some ppl to watch it. like i know it's half hour and that's a long time and also the interviewer is obnoxious and p insensitive but the doctor herself is really good and explains everything i've been trying to explain in a MUCH better way than i ever could and i think it will really help you understand what it's like to be someone bpd and what it actually means for day to day life

like i realize i've completely gone off on one w this and im sorry but i have opinions and i just want people to understand you know?? not necessarily for ben as a character but for all the ppl out there w bpd bc !!!! no one gives a fuck abt us they just misunderstand us and then do literally nothing to try and understand us when we try to explain ourselves so to have ppl actually engaging in this dialogue w me makes me very excited and i try to explain as much as i can while i have the opportunity u know lmao so i very much appreciate you and getting messages like this thank you 💞💞💞

#anon #question #like !!!!! i just have a lot to say !!!!!! im sorry !!!!

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jonathanrook · 3 years

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legally i have to give you intern 2

em you have awoken an ungodly beast inside me so i need to warn everyone that this post is. incomprehensible. but so is mymusic so i guess we're all used to it.

How I feel about this character:

i watched mymusic as it was airing/running/coming out specifically bc i'm a jack stannie, and as a kid melvin was my second favorite character (w scene being in first, obvs) for mostly that reason. he basically hovered around this ranking until my most recent rewatch in the summer of 2020, which was actually spurred by some events in my personal life that vaguely reminded me of scene's season two arc w jeff, and i thought it'd been a funny/nostalgic way to get my mind off things.

(i want to side note here that -- i know you didn't ask, but -- i love jeff. i have since i was a kid. like, obviously not as a person but i think he's honestly the best written character in the series, w indie close in second. idk what it says about the f*nes that their most interesting and well rounded characters are the villains, but i digress. to this day i'm salty that jeff never got added to the theme song and wasn't really included in promotional merch.)

however, in said rewatch, certain things about how he was written started to really get under my skin, and certain moments in particular have really stuck out to me in a negative way. like, for the entirety of season one and a good chunk of season two he's one person, and then he leaves mymusic and we have an entirely different person, but not in a nuanced character building sort of way.

i've said a few of these points before but i'll repeat them here regardless. at the risk of sounding like i've put on a tin-foil hat, it's my sneaking suspicion that scindie was supposed to be endgame, but since fan reception to it was pretty neutral, and scenechart stans were, at the very least, more vocal, changes were made to the intended finale, which is why in the last scene he's basically just. indie. like, if everything about the show was exactly the same but indie was the one who had ended up w scene in the end that would have made so much more sense since a) scene had a crush on indie that he/everyone knew about and b) indie was kind of a dick despite the half-assed attempts at redemption, so both combined make it slightly less weird/out-of-nowhere that he kisses her w/o her consent (since, even though like. implied consent is not real at worst and a fuzzy subject at best but you could argue that scene would want indie to kiss her); and this isn't even taking into consideration that c) melvin is heavily queer-coded in both seasons, with his friendship with nerdcore being, dare i say, homoerotic at times, and his arc about leaving the company and changing his name mirroring nerdcore's almost perfectly (with nerdcore being a character who b*nny [at least] has all but confirmed is actually gay).

i've also been on the fence about melvin's behavior in that final scene making more sense for indie's character being an intentional decision as a way of shoe-horning in a theme about the lasting effects of abuse/cycles of abuse/the corruption of power but i also don't think the f*nes are smart enough for that. however, for the sake of defending my straw theory, i also point to the scene where indie comes to visit the acid factory after melvin told him to shut up, and we see melvin use reggie as a foot-stool, going as far as to say that it feels good to do so (which, in all honesty, i think is a bit that was entirely improvised, since the f*nes were "notorious for never saying cut" [paraphrased from a bts video], but work w me here). he's also given a seltzer mug that perfectly resembles indie's kombucha mug. in these moment melvin is directly emulating the behavior of his previous abuser, purposefully or not, literal moments after being promoted to an equal position of authority, which was totally just included as a joke, but could also be argued is meant to show that he's becoming indie; or, if we acknowledge that the f*nes have no fucking clue what they're doing and were just directing like chickens with their heads cut off, it at least shows that melvin's new position of power is leading him to understand where indie was coming from, which is supported by their conversation in the finale.

the following contains a couple brief mentions of irl sexual assault so if that's something you'd like to avoid skip to the next section!

HOWEVER, that alone isn't what i have a problem with, since i think melvin is completely justified in being a dick to indie (and also reggie enthusiastically consents to being used as an ottoman so good for him i guess). the issue comes completely in how he treats scene in the scenes where the f*nes clearly thought what they were writing was super romantic. like, the fact that the only thing he's got hung on his cubicle wall is a single picture of scene taken from the fucking opening credits (like. how hard would it have been to have. literally any other photo[s] esp since there's an abundance of cute bts pics of the cast in costume that could have been put there) and him scrolling through her twitter at work really creep me out (and at the risk of oversharing the weird, like, social media stalking angle really fucks w me bc that may or may not have been the exact fucking thing i was trying to escape in rewatching mymusic in the first place). also, having him sexually assault scene as a means of comforting her after she had just been sexually assaulted in the same way by someone else was... a choice (which is also, uh, personally familiar).

again, i recognize that demonizing melvin wasn't what the f*nes were trying to do here, and i perhaps seem hypocritical for opening liking jeff, but what makes jeff work is he's intentionally "the bad guy." having melvin do the same things as indie and jeff uncritically only proves further that the f*nes can't write for shit, and ruins his character which had, up until he quit mymusic, been unironically good. like, it's obviously not beneficial that the exact asshole things he does are personally triggering, but the character would still be a mess and i would still dislike him regardless.

i want to say though that jack delivers a surprisingly great performance despite how shoddily his character is constructed and how little experience he has as an actor. like, it's clear he was having a lot of fun on set and i would love to see him in something, like, good; i think he could pull off even like, guest television roles, which is a lot more than can be said for other youtubers.

-----

All the people I ship romantically with this character:

nerdchart should have been canon i'm sorry. i know that close, nonromantic male friendships are valuable, esp between queer men, but also gd wouldn't it have been baller to have a canon interracial mlm ship. like. c'mon. and they could have been such a good friends to lovers story! we already got to see how melvin was the only person nerdcore could really be himself around so it would have been so cool if melvin's self-advocacy arc/flowchart arc had revolved more around nerdcore with a little role-reversal! and then they kiss! like god intended!

also i ship him and indie bc i'm a grubby little gremlin man ohoho. enemies w weird sexual tension? sign me up. not even enemies to lovers i'm not saying this one should have been canon i just love the vibes. do you think melvin and indie ever explored each other's bod-- *gunshot*

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My non-romantic OTP for this character:

i wish him and scene had just been bros. god remember in season one when they were just bros that was the life.

alternatively, i wish we'd seen more bonding w him and metal, as a means of reconciling that. uh. moment from season one. along similar lines i would have loved to see him get closer w rayna in a similar way to how she bonded w nerdcore in season two. i think that could have also worked to show how she'd grown between the two seasons.

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My unpopular opinion about this character:

HIM. AND. SCENE. SHOULD. HAVE. JUST. BEEN. BROS. (though i think my general dislike of him is pretty unpopular, lmao).

when the show was coming out i don't think it's unfair to say that scenechart/scenetern 2 was the most popular ship (aside from potentially techstep whatever) but luckily we're all gay and have better taste now. unfortunately i totally fell into this camp and scenechart was even my otp for years (until it was arguably more unfortunately usurped by reddie in 2019) and i didn't even realise that it's a hot mess until, again, the summer of 2020.

when actually watching the show the choices the f*nes made in regards to how the ship actually became canon are so odd and out of place, too? okay, so, on one hand everyone just shipped scenechart bc it was the whitest hettiest ship in the show (esp in season two when idol left) aside from scindie (and we already discussed what's wrong w that). but, on the other hand, lainey and jack clearly also just got along? and i suspect that lainey probably also admired jack's work and was happy to be working with him bc we have so many shots throughout even the first season when the ship wasn't the intended endgame of lainey scene looking really fondly at jack melvin at times when it doesn't make much sense at all, esp since she's smitten w indie? this trend continues into the second season which arguably works but it still seems really out of place for him to be the one to ultimately make the first move on her since it's clear she was the one crushing this whole time and also he's gay! this bitch is gay what the fuck!!

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One thing I wish had happened with this character in canon:

at this point i'm struggling to think of anything i haven't covered yet. oops.

i've talked at length before about how he should have been a woman/lesbian, but the tl;dr is that it would have solved a lot of the queer-coding "problems" that just didn't get resolved in the show. if he'd been a lesbian then not only would the friendship w nerdcore still made sense, but scenechart would have as well (not even mentioning that both of scene's other relationships w men make a lot of sense as comphet anyway).

#long post #this took me an hour to write i literally had to get a snack in the middle of it #mymusicshow #mymusic show #question #mlentertainment #also having a character named scene when you have to write about scenes like. in a story is an absolute bitch

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mcrmadness · 3 years

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Heyyy it’s time for my bademeister.com theories again ::DDD

(I know you all have been waiting for this. Not.)

ANYWAY I was just thinking about Bademeister.com again and I THINK the snail might reach the paper on Wednesday. Because it appeared there on Wednesday and has been moving forward slowly and I think Wednesday, aka a full week, might make sense.

Then I was thinking about the rest of the road because there’s still a long road ahead to reach the sunglasses. And I looked at my calendar and I guess what day will be in a bit over 2 weeks?

April’s Fools Day. I think it might take 2 weeks for the snail to reach the sunglasses AND it would not be the first time this band comes up with something random for the April’s Fools day. I personally hate that day because I already have trust problems and on that day I know not to trust ANYONE or ANYTHING anywhere.

ACTUALLY now as I did things in the photoshop, the distance is almost the same so it might take just one week to reach the sunglasses - unless it will take longer than 2-3 more days for it to reach the paper, that is. Anyway, here’s what I mean with the distance (red lines are mine):

(Also if the image is weird color it’s just f.lux aka the blue light filter.) Those two lines are the exact same length even if the second one would look longer - I copypasted the first one and just rotated it a little to match the angle better.

I made a gif of its distance by far because I have nothing better to do at 4am than write deep thoughts posts about a Bademeister.com snail:

Anyway, back to the April’s fools thing. In 2019 their April’s fools joke was this email address where you had to write something and you “might” win tickets to the festivals. Most thought it’s just a funny joke but in the end they actually did hand out festival tickets for a few people! I did not participate in that because I knew there was a change that it’s real because it’s die ärzte we’re talking about now for fuck’s sake. And it’s good I didn’t because with my luck I would have won but couldn’t have done anything with the tickets lmao.

Right now, what I think is that if they are doing what they did in 2019 - which might be stupid of me to think because usually they don’t do the same things twice. Unless they’re gotten old and boring lol. But I FEEL like it might be something like maybe a news about a new album or so and then “lol jk” but in the end it would actually be something they first made everyone think is a joke. You know? They actually have this very genius way of making everything seem like a joke so that you actually stop questioning anything and voilá, they don’t have to explain anything because everything is/was a joke anyway.

So the last part is probably reaching but it’s lots of fun for me to keep wondering these things and I am almost positive that they either will do something on April the 1st, OR the snail suddenly becomes some turbo snail after the paper (I bet it’s again a clue that makes us have no clue of anything...) and reaches the sunglasses in no time. What do you think?

#die ärzte #also I bet people have figured everything out way before me but I haven't read the guestbook so I don't know #I love the brain-teaser it's like I'm in the middle of a real-life action-adventure video game #brain-teasers*#or an escape the room game where I always fail because I find nothing and then just tell myself I was just too smart #and didn't think as obvious as what the actual solution was because I always think outside the box.#when in reality I'm just a puny and dumb idiot with a superiority complex #mcrmadness' deep thoughts #dä 2021 #bademeister.com

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cuntess-carmilla · 4 years

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D0n’t r3bl0g

I’ll preface this with three statements:

Don’t reblog this. Yes, I know it’s in the title of the post but you bitches can’t read.

I feel compassion towards the people who up until today trusted her, and I’d be a hypocrite to act like I’m all knowing and infallible considering I excused her behavior for a long time too and enabled her as well. I understand, in particular, why bi woc would cling to someone like her and have an impulse to protect her, for both who she is and the content she provided.

There’s a lot to be said about her antiblackness, but me being non-Black, not having had exactly the firmest condemnation of it at the time, and many of the people she’s disappointed today being Black wlw, I don’t feel comfortable being the one to expand on that. I’m only mentioning it briefly in this point for the sake of acknowledging that that’s an issue too.

That said, it’s my opinion that Navya’s “reach” (for lack of a better word) on this website would’ve been lesser if she had been properly held accountable for her constant blatant lesbophobia.

Again, I’m not angry at anyone other than her for the most part, and I feel sad for the people who trusted her and are hurting over this, so please don’t take this as me “calling out” anyone or anything alike. Again pt 2, I enabled and excused her lesbophobia for a while too, so I’d be a hypocrite to chastise anyone for that.

The thing is, biphobic lesbians sadly did give her enough genuine ammunition to claim biphobia at the smallest criticism of her lesbophobia, but she really was (and I’m sure still is) a raging lesbophobe and I started to feel uncomfortable with her by the last bunch of months we were mutuals, but was too much of a coward to openly acknowledge it, as well as too scared that I was being a Delusional Hysterical Dyke.

I don’t fucking know why I let it slide so much, even as her lesbophobia personally made me hate myself as a lesbian to the point of her adding into my suicidality, but she really was going around saying countless times shit like “Thank God I only talk to bi and straight woc” clearly in reference and reaction to lesbian anything. Saying “I only talk to bi woc” is one thing and that I can understand (even though she would’ve indirectly bitten my head off if I said the same as a lesbian lol) but adding the straight women into it makes it a different type of statement. I seriously don’t know why I kept my mouth shut on that, it’s not something I would’ve allowed to slide from anyone else.

I started to see her insane levels of egotism, pettiness, cowardice and arrogance whenever I made posts discussing my own hurt as a lesbian, things as “casual” and brief as “I hate being a dyke lmao” in reference to intracommunity lesbophobia triggering me, and she’d immediately start to mirror everything I said but about herself as bisexual. Which, obviously feeling self-hatred as a bi woman and feeling hated within spaces that should be the most accepting towards her is a real and valid feeling, but she started to replicate my exact phrasing after a while and would almost always make that kind of comment indirectly right after I made mine as if she was always responding to me.

In general she would post a lot of shit mirroring mine in that way or vagueblog about my commentary on intracommunity lesbophobia. This chick went as far as to (correctly) point out that biphobique was pushed out of this website via biphobic harassment specifically, but when Yole being pushed out similarly (back when she identified as a lesbian) was brought up in conjunction to that, she brushed it off as it being because she was a Black wlw, which she directly named as being the one thing she had “in common” with biphobique, intentionally obfuscating that Yole was pushed out via specifically lesbophobic harassment mainly perpetrated by bi women, just like biphobique’s biphobic harassment was mainly perpetrated by lesbians. Nope, it was just because she’s a Black wlw, her (at the time self-identified) lesbianism specifically had NOTHING to do with it, but biphobia specifically did have everything to do with the other case. Because lesbophobia is not that big a deal and no one hates lesbians specifically for being lesbians, only for being wlw in general, but bi women are hated specifically for being bi women instead. Apparently.

Every time I tried to make any post addressing intracommunity lesbophobia she’d make yet another type of vague post (having a much larger following than me) redirecting the attention towards “But bi women...!” which, AGAIN, is obviously an important thing to discuss, but can we fucking discuss lesbophobia for once without having the spotlight stripped from us for five fucking minutes? Or is that too much to ask?

It happened with shit such as me begging to please stop spreading (the misreading of?) a statistic that while correctly assessing the insane levels of abuse bi women face, also painted lesbians as facing significantly less abuse than cis straight women. In the context of this stupid fucking website in which I have had to see posts about how lesbians are privileged over bi AND STRAIGHT women all the fucking time and how we’re supposedly never fucking abused and WE alone are to blame for the abuse bi women face.

It happened with me discussing that lesbian self-hatred comes 99% of the time not from us liking women, but from us NOT liking men, which in another vague post she deemed as me saying that “bi women benefit from being attracted to men” when that was not what I said at all. I never even mentioned bi women specifically until I had to clear that up. I begged in one (1) post for people to extend the same level of solidarity to us that they demand from us, I begged people to see us as vulnerable human beings who have Feelings and hurt too, and she made a victim of herself on another vague post in response.

Everything always had to be about her and what mattered to her specifically. Which, fine in your personal life, but let the rest do the fucking same if that’s how you’re gonna be too. It wasn’t just that she had to always divert attention back to herself but created an environment in which it was seen as horrendous for lesbians to behave with 1% of the same self-priority.

Honestly, being around her as a lesbian felt like constantly walking on eggshells and increased my internalized lesbophobia exponentially. I saw in real time her influence turning other bi women into vocal lesbophobes thinking that shit was Radical. She and the people who supported her lesbophobia reinforced SO MUCH of the sentiment of Apologize For Being A Lesbian At Every Turn OR ELSE...! that’s so prevalent everywhere in which dykes dare to breathe.

But few people took it seriously, and those few people who took it seriously, especially Black lesbians, were painted as vile biphobes, no matter how careful they were to not fall into biphobia in their critiques of her lesbophobia.

I still see the impact of her widespread lesbophobia in this website to this day and very soon after I ceased any sort of contact with her (which was when I left Tumblr in early 2019) I came to terms with the fact that she’s a raging lesbophobe and stopped being too found of her memory, to say the least.

I wish so badly we could all take lesbophobia more seriously rather than, as per usual literally everywhere in the world, seeing claims of lesbophobia as dykes just being our delusional hysterical cunt selves always crying wolf. And I wish too that biphobic lesbians hadn’t given her all the excuse to claim biphobia whenever she was being rightfully criticized over her lesbophobia. What a way to dig your own graves you dumb bitches.

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just-like-playing-tag · 4 years

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A totally self indulgent compilation of my favorite works on this blog of the year June 13, 2019 - June 13, 2020

I wanted to do this for the blog's first anniversary but then completely forgot about it lol.

The following lists are all in chronological order according to the date each post was first published.

Top 10 panel edits:

#1: Don and Gilda - Chapter 138: Demon serch (1)

Date: Jun 14th, 2019

Time: ~ 1:30 h

My very first redraw from my very first edit posted here, so it deserves an honorable mention. Back then I was young and inexperienced, I didn't even apply a gray filter (lmao I was so unskilled I even unintentionally scratched the picture, I hadn't realized until today). I'm actually very happy my first redraw was of Don, boy deserves all the love.

#2: Emma and Ray - Chapter 140: I’m Here!

Date: Jun 28th, 2019

Time: ~ 1 h

Back then this looked like so much work to me!!! And to this day, I think it turned out pretty well. I'm particularly proud of how the bow turned out. This is one I was really proud of right after having finished it; it gave me the confidence to try redrawing bigger areas. Also, the edit were I first applied the opacity of layer / opacity of brush for the gray filter that would have stuck with me.

#3: Krone's birthday edit

Date: Jul 15th, 2019

Time: 15 mins

I don't know I just really like how Krone's hair vanish to a more sketch-like style here– and consequently, how I managed to replicate such effect. I think Krone's beautiful.

#4: Emma, Norman and Ray - Chapter 153: Coward

Date: Oct 4th, 2019

Time: 4:07 h (and 67 layers lmao)

Probably the single panel redraw I'm the most proud of. That Norman panel was beautiful and very poignant at the end of a chapter I adored, so I believe it deserved all the time I've spent working on it. It's far from being perfect - the back of his head is too plain, and the difference between my brushes and the original brushes is pretty visible - but I still like it very much and am extremely attached to it. The horn looks kinda big but I honestly believe it to be more of an issue with the original than with what I had redrawn lol. Funny enough, the whole picture didn't make it to the final edit and had to be trimmed.

#5: Full Score Trio - Chapter 154: A Breakthrough

Date: Oct 11th, 2019

Time: 29 mins

I don't have a particular reason for this I just think Emma's hair turned out amazing. It took just half an hour and I didn't even use references like. Wow. @Redrawing skills where did you go please come back

#6: Mujika and Queen Legravalima - Chapter 158: The Reason I Was Born

Date: Nov 17th, 2019

Time: 2:09 h

Sis I love this so freaking much. The shift from redrawing almost exclusively people and clothes to redrawing this mess was so fun and refreshing. Even though it's a mess I think it turned out very clean and overall it looks beautiful? I remember after finishing this I felt so powerful, like now that I had redrawn this thing I would have been able to redraw anything I set my mind on lol.

#7: Emma - Chapter 161: Never Be Alone

Date: Dec 13th, 2019

Time: 57 mins

Again no particular reason except this is a very cute Emma and I think the redraw turned out pretty well. There's this big lock on the left that doesn't make a lot of sense but overall I really like it. Cute Emma is cute, and I love her determination.

#8: Emma - Chapter 166: Going Back Home

Date: Mar 9th, 2020

Time: 3:45 h

I'M SO FREAKING PROUD OF THAT RIFFLE I have not the slightlest idea why this took so damn long BUT I'M SO PROUD OF IT

#9: Norman's birthday edit

Date: Mar 21st, 2020

Time: 1:04 h

This is cool! I didn't know I could manage to draw this, but I did it! The feathers were particularly hard to clean but I think they turned out fine.

#10: Full Score Trio - Chapter 174: A New World (part 1)

Date: Apr 6th, 2020

Time: 2:11 h

I just think they're very pretty? I can't understand if I like Ray's face a lot, or not at all, but I think overall there was a lot to redraw and it turned out pretty cute! Sorry Gillian.

(Also insert pretty much every panel from the chapter 177 Isabella edit– I've spent so many hours on basically every panel there's no way I could choose only one).

Top 5 edits as whole:

#1: Emma and Ray - Chapter 140: I’m Here!

Date: Jun 29th, 2019

Complessive time: 2:57+ h

The very first edit I'm actually proud of; I'm really attached to it. It's the first edit I had put all of my effort into, and I remember feeling anxious people would have left it without notes. It kinda feels weird to think about it now, because I really don't care about notes anymore; yet, it somehow makes me happy to think that past-me wasn't let down. Thank you @neverlandstrio for your support, you may not remember but it really meant a lot to me back then! And it still makes me smile. You're the best!!!!!!

#2: Mujika and Queen Legravalima - Chapter 158: The Reason I Was Born

Date: Nov 20th, 2019

Complessive time: 7:12+ hours

This whole edit was an hella wild ride. It's midnight before a school day, when I think: "Mh, it's been a while since I last made an edit, why not make one about Musica and the queen from the last chapter?" And seven hours after this was born. I'm particularly proud of the queen's redraws on the 3rd, 7th and 9th picture (ofc), the areas which have been redrawn are pretty huge yet I think the difference with the original is almost impossible to notice?? @Redrawing skills where did you go please come back (part 2)

#3: Emma - Chapter 174: A New World (part 1)

Date: Apr 12th, 2020

Complessive time: 6:53+ h

I think the panels that were selected work very well together, especially considering the close-up / full body alternation. I love Emma, and I've always been kinda sad noticing that edits that focus one her take the less notes... She deserves all the love. Also, fun fact: for the last but one panel, I had redrawn Emma's whole left ear before remembering she doesn't have one, so I had to redraw the panel from the start. Besides from the error with the ear, the reason why this (and all the others after) took so long is because official panel take way longer to clean.

#4: Isabella and her children - Chapter 177: Mother

Date: May 22nd, 2020

Complessive time: 13:41+ h (ahah.)

Lmao tbh I can't understand how this has so few notes it's like. Technically speaking, probably the best edit I've ever done. I don't even like Isabella that much, I haven't got the slightlest idea why I decided to spend so many hours on this. Anyway, I find the composition (full body on the left / headshots on the right) really good looking in this as well! And I think the redraws turned out fine, especially Isabella's.

#5: The Promised Neverland manga ending countdown→ 1/7 chapters: chapter 1 - Grace Field House

Date: Jun 9th, 2020

Complessive time: 1:59+ h

I don't know how I came up with that idea for the composition but I find it really beautiful??? I think it does a pretty good job conveying the sudden, terrific shift of atmosphere from the first chapter, and I think that sharp bridge is very nice. I'm very, very proud of this.

Honorable mention #1: Full Score Trio - Chapter 154: A Breakthrough

Date: Oct 13th, 2019

Complessive time: 3:44+ h (+ 1:13 h of working on a panel that ultimately didn't make it to the final edit)

A very good chapter, and the edit turned out surprisingly amazing??? All the redraws look great and make it almost impossible to distinguish them from the original; honestly I feel like I'll never be able to redraw so neatly again lol.

Honorable mention #2: Don and Gilda (+ Norman) - Chapter 160: Shackles

Date: Dec 11th, 2019

Complessive time: 3:14+ h

That one is really one of my favorite scenes; I'm telling you peoples, Gilda and Don are a blessing to the earth. I think I've never mentioned it, but Gilda's hair is a nightmare to redraw??? More specifically, it takes me h o u r s to fill the texture without making it look too weird, it's the worst.

Honorable mention #3: Norman and Ray - Chapter 179: Compensation

Date: Jun 6th, 2020

Complessive time: 4:16+ h

I was so glad to finally be able to make a Norman / Ray edit, and it turned out it was just in time before the series' finale. I like how it turned out and I'm pretty satisfied with the redraws (even though my sister helped me with the lineart of some panels - it was exams time and I really couldn't afford to spend more time on it), too bad we didn't have more chapters that focused on the boys. Ray sweetie one day I'll fix your ear it's just today's not that day.

Btw, I justed realized I have never done an Emma / Norman centered edit? I'll have to make one eventually. I remember considering focusing on them alone for the chapter 154 one, but then I thought "even if the manga is gonna ignore Ray, I will chose to do not" lol.

Top 5 long posts:

#1: Reconstruction of how the Grace Field children were settled in the three bedrooms

Date: Aug 28th, 2019

I just had really a lot of fun doing it. I love putting all the little things to their own place, it's so calming to do and that's why I love making this kind of things. Also, loved how @temporoom contributed to the post! It was so nice of them to add what they had noticed to come up with more exact conclusions, that's one of the things I love the most about the internet.

#2: A study of how many times the characters of The Promised Neverland call each other through the first season of the anime

Date: Sep 10th, 2019

I REALLY LOVE IT! I mean it *was* kinda stressing to note everything, but it was very also very satisfying to see everything methodically divided and organized! And it's not just that– it's also the fact that it looks good. That's one post I have fun rereading because it's actually pretty! Also, even though it can be very stressing to learn to use new programs and sites, it's always very satisfying to look at the final result. Again, I really adore compiling these tiny little details! I would love to make more posts of that kind if i had the time.

#3: The Promised Neverland musicals headcanons

Date: Oct 27th, 2019

I mean it's literally. Putting my two favorite fandoms together how could I not love it. This is another one I really enjoy rereading, I find all the musical / character associations so fitting! I really want to make a second part, I hope to find some time to do it.

#4: Considerations on the reward / eventual series' finales (and Emma's sacrifice)

Date: May 7th, 2020

It's always nice to put down all your thoughts regarding a particular matter. It can take a lot of time (at least for me it does because... I need time to think about things), but it's so satisfying to see all of them there once you're done. Bonus points when, like in this case, it was something asked by someone else because “Wow! Somebody wants to hear my opinion on this subject! I'm flattered (◍•ᴗ•◍)”

#5: Some other considerations on the series' finale and Emma sacrificing herself

Date: Jun 13th, 2020

Pretty much the same as above. It's like some kind of clarity when the post is done and signed. Another fun fact, I had to censore the post a lot; the first version was extremely sharp and harsh, but I believe it's right to express your opinions calmly and politely.

Bonus: A thread of what the tpn characters would wear at the Oscars

Date: Feb 9th, 2020

Imagining all the children in those pretty dresses makes me so incredibly happy (╥﹏╥) I go back to look at that post a lot. I really love red carpets, I love looking at pretty dresses!!!!!

Lmao it's so funny how the post of mine I like the most are also the ones with the less notes

Anyway this was just a personal report! You don't have to read it all (or any of it actually). But it was indeed fun making it! Here's to many more months in the fandom!!!

#This was supposed to be posted on July 13th as one year and one month since I made the blog #but Tumblr decided to be a jerk and deleted all of it 😊#So here we are #tpn #tpn manga spoilers #long post #Again this is just a personal report don't stress over reading all of it #But it was fun to make!#To the people I tagged: sorry for tagging you in this long post but also it would have felt weird not to do so? I hope you don't mind #It felt like... Giving credits foe something you've done y'know

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prettyboysdontlookatexplosions · 4 years

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songs on taylor swift’s LOVER (2019), a concept album about eliot waugh and quentin coldwater from SYFY’s the magicians, rated by how much they are about eliot waugh and quentin coldwater from SYFY’s the magicians

i forgot that you existed - lmao these dummies will never be over each other. bumped a bit because it would be good on the soundtrack for the fic i still kinda want someone to write where eliot gets brainwashed by the dark king who for god’s sake is not trying to bring back to life his beloved who died because of homophobia and gets catfished by his dead brother but is just a supernatural evil despot manipulating eliot’s pain and erasing his memories of quentin only to be defeated of course by the power of true love. weak showing to start but things quickly improve. 2/10

cruel summer - this is a song about being out of your mind with horniness for someone you would rather die than admit you’ve caught feelings for, which is.... VERY queliot. love eliot watching quentin at a hotel vending machine at night and insisting to himself, “i’m not dying.” good for a non-beast AU where quentin dates alice and eliot dates some non-possessed normie boy and they both get dumped finals week and get obliteratingly drunk in the physical kids’ cottage as bros and hook up and wake up like “LOL haha rebound sex” and then it happens again and they’re like, sure, you know, why not, you’re heartbroken, i’m heartbroken, let’s help each other forget about it by fucking like rabbits, except of course by august eliot is drunk in the back of the car crying like a baby coming home from the bar because he is not fine about all the times he has told quentin it’s fine. ALTERNATELY this is actually just quentin in the mosaic timeline after they hook up and he wakes up in the morning totally ready to talk about how they’re dating now and eliot is like LET’S NOT OVERTHINK THINGS and quentin’s like, haha yeah ok! and they keep having mindblowing outdoor sex but like as bros and quentin regrets every waking moment agreeing to pretend not to overthink things with his best friend who is amazing in bed and who also he is definitely falling in love with. “breakable heaven” is a good description of the mosaic timeline, because many pieces and because it broke by never happening. bonus point because “i love you, ain’t that the worse thing you ever heard?” is SO eliot and also SO quentin in related but distinct ways. 8/10

lover - UGH!!!! SO QUELIOT!!!! “have i known you twenty seconds or twenty years” vs. “i bond fast, time is an illusion.” “can i go where you go” for two people who have been thrown together and torn apart so many times is wildly romantic. “my heart’s been borrowed and your heart’s been blue” = i dated a possessed guy and then became a possessed guy and you are chronically depressed. “you’ll save all your dirtiest jokes for me” is all about eliot’s smirks. i ALREADY have feelings about taylor swift, a human being who spent most of her adult life ruled by the lingering wounds of having been uncool in eighth grade, putting in her big sweet love song the line, “and at every table i’ll save you a seat,” but i have SO MANY MORE feelings when i apply that to quentin coldwater, who ate lunch in the bathroom on days that julia was absent because of the horror of finding somewhere to sit in the high school cafeteria. 9/10

the man - margo says she hates this song because it’s white feminism but whenever she gets drunk at karaoke she makes quentin sing it with her. he always flips his hair on “i’d be just like leo in st tropez,” because he is the only other person besides taylor swift in america uncool enough to think that’s still a reference that conjures up associations of a sexy awesome playboy. 3/10

the archer - FUCKING!!!!!!!!!!! GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!! this is... ok. ok. i’m calm. this is the eliot song of all time. “i’m ready for combat / i say i don’t want that / but what if i do” is about eliot’s reactivity and his fear that on some level he wants to blow everything up more than he wants to be loved. we don’t know what started the fight we see in the mosaic timeline but what we glimpse is very “cruelty wins in the movies”: this impulse to win by pushing the other person away to avoid your own vulnerability. “i’ve got a hundred thrown out speeches i almost said to you” is eliot unpossessed after quentin is alive but before he and alice have broken up thinking about all the apologetic true love confessions he made charlton watch him rehearse. “i search for your dark side / but what if i’m alright right right right here” is about refusing to believe in good things because they are so threatening when your formative experiences of love and family were so unsafe. “i cut off my nose just to spite my face / and i hate my reflection for years and years” is, quite literally, just the exact plot of 4x05. “i wake in the night / i pace like a ghost / the room is on fire / invisible smoke” is more A+ abandonment issues content, and i can’t even TALK about “all of my heroes die all alone” in the context of eliot waugh who FULLY has on MANY occasions raised a toast to living fast dying young and leaving a beautiful corpse and has never himself been wholly sure exactly how much he was kidding. “all the king’s horses and all the king’s men / couldn’t put me together again / cuz all of my enemies started out friends” is first of all a very funny thing for a former high king of fillory to say, and second upsetting because MOSAIC, PIECES, MINOR MENDINGS, ELIOT SEES HIMSELF AS A BROKEN THING, and third devastating because of how much of the Trauma Chalkboard involves times eliot has betrayed other people. ok FINE we can start talking about the refrains now, even though they CAUSE ME THE MOST PAIN. “help me hold on to you” is the subtext of every post-4x13 queliot fic for the very good reason that it’s the most vulnerable and beautiful and real thing eliot could ever say. “i’ve been the archer / i’ve been the prey” is again about eliot as a person full of regret for all the ways he has lashed out in his life against people other than the ones who wounded him so deeply. “screaming who could ever leave me darling / but who could stay” is sooooo eliot, with the drama and affect of it all (“darling!”), and the performed belief in his own excellence combined with his deep insecurity. “they see right through me” is about how he’s secretly afraid everyone can smell on him that he grew up on a farm in indiana, “can you see right through me” is about both fearing and hoping that quentin will see all of him, “i see right through me” is about how hard he’s lied to himself about wanting love. the best song in the world probably. 20/10.

i think he knows - my favorite thing about adult taylor swift referencing anything about adolescence is that taylor swift had a totally deranged abnormal adolescence because she spent the whole thing first trying to be famous and then actually being outrageously famous. so i love it when she says “it’s like i’m 17 nobody understands,” because when she was actually 17 she was dating a jonas brother for like 3 months and then writing break-up songs that made it sound like she was never that into it, so it’s like this idea of being 17 and hormonal in some kind of normal context where you actually are thinking about sex all day instead of meeting with your branding team. this is a fun idea to extrapolate to eliot & quentin, who were both miserable at 17 and never got the experience of devoting your brain full-time to all-consuming horniness for the first person to ever give you an orgasm, but who can now experience that with each other. also “his hands around a cold glass make me wanna know that body like it’s mine” is a queliot line because of my very strong personal headcanon that eliot is obsessed with quentin’s hands. 6/10

miss americana and the heartbreak prince - see above re: tswift & teenhood. "when i was 16 / lost in a film scene” is even better because actual teen taylor swift spent many hours of her life literally acting out on film these like pathologically normative high school scenarios that she never lived because she dropped out after ninth grade, and because this song is all about like, image vs reality but is also itself a fantasy? fucked up and weird, i love it. taylor swift spent so many years portraying her specific teen shame as being about her deep dweebery and i think it’s really funny that in this song she is still an outcast but now it is because she is like, too sexy and misbehaving, both through the line “they whisper in the hallways she’s a bad bad girl” and by setting it to basically a lana del rey track. i feel like this is a very eliot move, to rewrite your own history of exclusion as more glamorous and flattering than it was, to portray yourself as like this debauched rebel instead of a sad gay kid in a homophobic environment. eliot obviously was never enamored with this kind of stock teen americana imagery the way taylor was, but i think he has that same tension of deeply resenting one image while being very drawn to another one. extra point because “heartbreak prince” is such a hilarious and amazing way to describe quentin. 7/10

paper rings - good song for a very chill no-beast AU. “i like fancy things but i’d marry you with paper rings” is very eliot. it’s cute to imagine eliot reading all of the books besides quentin’s bed not because he likes them but because he wants to get to know quentin better. “i want your dreary mondays” is a nice thing for either of these dudes to hear. 5/10

cornelia street - all songs about being overwhelmed and terrified by love are about eliot waugh!!!!! especially songs where someone does something casually that is clearly not casual at all. it rules that both of the key metaphors in the verses are extremely quentin images: fresh page on the desk / card sharks playing games. stories and magic! thinking about eliot and quentin barefoot in a kitchen together makes me want to cry, for normal reasons. 8/10

death by a thousand cuts - i have to be honest, for a long time i thought it sucked that the best song on this album was actually not about queliot, but then i saw the light and realized that this is a song about how totally incomprehensible it is that you’re supposed to just move on with your life when someone you loved absolutely is no longer yours, so ACTUALLY, this song is totally about quentin after the mosaic! “i ask the traffic lights if it’ll be alright / they say i don’t know.” trying to be normal while secretly dying inside. “i look through the windows of this love, even though we boarded them up / chandelier’s still flickering here” = i said it was chill when you compartmentalized our 50 years as soulmates as something that happened to other people but actually the me i am right now wants you real bad! “what once was ours is no one’s now” because it happened in an alternate timeline that never existed. “you said it was a great love / one for the ages / but if the story’s over / why am i still writing pages” = you said it was kind of beautiful but also that wasn’t really me but if so then why do i want to bone you so bad. gets even more fucked up if you extend it properly into season 4. MY HEART MY HIPS MY BODY MY LOVE / TRYING TO FIND A PART OF ME THAT YOU DIDN’T TOUCH: a line i can only ever type in all-caps and about which i can say nothing because it is perfect. “gave up on me like i was a bad drug” is also very quentin reflecting bitterly on eliot. saying goodbye to your possessed ex is death by a thousand cuts because that’s how many times the monster sockpuppeting his body is going to randomly show up in your apartment covered in blood. the morning comes and you’re not my baby, because you have been possessed. flashbacks waking me up because i have PTSD now from watching your body murder like 80 people. 8/10

london boy - lmao. no 0/10

soon you’ll get better - I Feel Weird Jokingly Assigning A Rating To Taylor Swift’s Very Sad Song About How Taylor Swift’s Actual Mom Has Actual Cancer Based On How Much It Relates To A Fictional Couple In Which One Person Has A Parent Who Dies Of Cancer So I’m Going To Rate This Not Applicable. N/A. great song tho

false god - jesus, does she really go london boy / soon you’ll get better / false god? her sequencing is so deranged. anyway i know i was JUST talking about my interest in fic where quentin and eliot get together but don’t necessarily talk out every single one of their 800 issues in the timespan covered by the story, but this song about make-up sex is still not very queliot to me, possibly because i cannot get past the dorkiness of taylor swift calling herself new york city. “you can't talk to me when I'm like this / daring you to leave me just so I can try and scare you” is pretty good though. “if you want to live your life live it here...” damn eliot waugh and taylor swift really are like the same person on the level of psychological architecture. i know i keep saying it but it keeps freaking me out. 4/10

you should calm down - eliot unfollowed jonathan van ness on twitter after the video for this came out. he unfollowed antoni too but then refollowed him because he’s hot. -1000000/10.

afterglow - so THIS song about fighting actually DOES have very queliot vibes. and it’s funny, because i keep talking about eliot’s fear of lashing out and hurtfully pushing away people he loves, and i think he does have that impulse (”if you want to live your life live it here...” what did you MEAN eliot), and i also think he’s SUPER afraid of that within himself, partly because of how the dynamics of his childhood make anger and conflict really fraught for him... but actually the character we more often see being a huge dick because of his own issues is, in fact, quentin, and that is who this song about. we all know i am obsessed with the scene where quentin comes sheepishly back to alice apologizing for being an asshole because it’s so vulnerable and honest and such a powerful moment of growth for him... as robbed as i feel of like tearfully joyful queliot reunions i also feel robbed that we never got to see quentin and eliot have a moment like that together! 7/10

me! - absolutely not. -30/10

it’s nice to have a friend - i like this song but the way taylor talks about it always makes me kind of sad, because she draws this equivalence between being excited about a friend as a kid and being excited about romance as an adult that really does make it sound like she thinks in adulthood romance takes over a place that friendship used to occupy, instead of co-existing with it... but she’s also talked a lot about the importance of finding who her real friends are so idk maybe i’m being too hard on her and also oversensitive because of certain plot developments. “call my bluff / call you babe” is cute. card sharks! pet names! 5/10

daylight - R U KIDDING ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THE QUELIOT ANTHEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! two people who have been hurt and hurt others, who have spent a long time running away from their own hearts, who have been confused about what they want... “i wounded the good and i trusted the wicked / clearing the air i breathed in the smoke” about every mistake and regret and fuck-up... “maybe you ran with the wolves and refused to settle down / maybe i’ve stormed out of every single room in this town”... the trauma chalkboard, the fight outside the hedge bar... the people you become to try to erase the person you’re afraid you are... and then! “throw out our cloaks and our daggers because it’s morning now / it’s brighter now”... to find peace in the person you never need to hide yourself from... the transformative power of letting yourself be seen... “i can still see it all in my mind / all of you all of me intertwined”... i can still remember this other life that never happened which matters not because it’s where i fell in love with you but because it’s where i revealed my whole self and learned that whole self could be loved.... and of course above all most crucially, “i once believed love would be burning red / but it’s golden / like daylight”... the very beautiful story the magicians accidentally almost told was a story about letting go of the narratives you’ve been taught to want and realizing that as much as real life and hard and scary it is also lovelier than any of those wan old stories... “i wanna be defined by the things that i love, not the things that i hate, or the things that i’m afraid of”... please!!!!!!! 100000000000000/10

#the magicians #queliot #we're doing. great. just. just having fun normal times qreating quarantine qontent #no readmores we alienate our followers like men #if u can't handle me at my Completely Fucking Losing My Entire Mind About Something Fully Unhinged #this is not the blog for u my friend

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9w1ft · 4 years

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that time The Swift Life directly interacted with us not once or twice but five times

thought i’d take a stroll down memory lane back to nearly two years ago, when i started noticing that taymoji gifts being given out by the main app account included captions that seemed to mirror kaylor topics and events.

for reference... one of the objectives of the TSL app was to collect “taymoji” stickers, through blind packs that could be opened after you charged a gauge by liking people’s posts. (for a visual explanation, you can check out my taymoji guide. download the ppt to enable slide animations.) some taymoji were ridiculously hard to get at random... there were 653 taymojis in total, and for a period of 7 and a half months The Swift Life account gave out some of the rare ones as gifts on their feed. there were 128 rare/super rare taymoji options.

interaction one: 2018/8/1 Puzzle Heart..

after showcasing some interest in the taymoji gifts during june and july 2018, making posts, and crafting a theory of what they all could mean, i had seen a through line in terms of the overall message being conveyed.... but was unsure of any of this was real because, you know 🤡.

so i posted here on tumblr for the taymoji goddesses to send me sign, almost as a joke...

and the TheSwiftLife account gave out a puzzle heart with the flavor text “put the pieces together”

interaction two, 2018/8/29 Rabbit…

following a week of ttb using the emoji rabbit to welcome some anons into the kaylor fandom, TheSwiftLife gave out a rabbit, which has the flavor text “fell down the rabbit hole” and was captioned in the post as “hop to it!”

interaction three: 2018/9/12 Pixel Art Heart..

things felt surreal when the rabbit gift happened, so i figured i’d test breaking the fourth wall. i challenged them to a puzzle: i asked TSL here on tumblr to show me a sign that proved they knew me and saw me.

i said there was one taymoji out of them all (of which there are 653) that represented me. i had envisioned the pixel art heart taymoji of the New Romantics pack, as it says in my profile here that i am a pixel artist… i assumed if TSL wanted to respond to my request, they’d poke around my blog and make that connection.

13 days after i made the post,

they gave out that exact one. in response, i mentioned what a lovely birthday present this was, as it was coming 13 days before my birthday (i’m born on 9/25)

incidentally this is why i freaked at the pixel art heart ring that she wore in the ME! video... i procured one myself, as a memento of this crazy time...

interaction four: 2018/9/21 Birthday Balloons…

between the pixel heart and this next gift, some stuff went down and i grew suspicious that kimby could be spearheading the TheSwiftLife account and/or a popular moderator account (...this didn’t end up being entirely correct, oops 🤡... ). i private messaged my guess to taylor on TSL (there was a “secret message for taylor” function on the app) assuming whoever was on the other side could read it.... i think that got lost in the mail lmao. without being particularly clear, i vagueposted here on tumblr “i know who you’ve been, and i take it you want me to share?”

The next gift that TheSwiftLife gave out were a set of red balloons from the Mine pack,

with the caption “Speak now if it’s your birthday this month” ... which it was, and i had mentioned so when the pixel art heart was given out.

interaction five: 2018/10/1 Umbrella…

i felt cleared to post my theory! but even so, i was very hesitant... it felt, again, unreal.

so, i put up one more test… i asked here on tumblr something in the form of a riddle. i designed a question, of which could be perfectly answered by the flavor text of one taymoji in particular. knowing the full range of taymoji possibilities, i picked the flavor text of a taymoji that had never been given out, and a double-rare one (which weren’t given out often)

i posted my question: do you have my back even if it rains down on me? and the next gift given out was

the very umbrella i expected, which has the flavor text “Don’t worry. I’ve got you covered!”

~~~

this span of time in particular (not limited to, but especially) is why i have a hard time not believing kaylor is real. lyrics... symbols... can be analyzed and interpreted in a ton of interesting ways, referencing many fields of culture and academia... and i like all that... but for me personally, it’s these fourth wall breaks that really get to me. why would taylor’s team let any of this fly, that is, why would they allow a bubbly and vocal kaylor experience this if kaylor wasn’t true? it is also why i’m just not one to give up on sticking around... despite everything that has happened. there was just too much effort being put in and i owe it to them to stick around and find ways to be useful so long as they’ll have me 😘

i encourage everyone to look through my blog archive from August 2018 to February 2019 to see how it played out! sorry i’m too lazy to link everything in this post... it won’t take that long to look up on my archive though and i think it’s more interesting than just this post. there’s some great clownery that happens of which i am extremely proud 🥰

as i said at the time, some epic sh*t was positively afoot, my darlings.

#taymoji #the swift life #strolling down memory lane #i dunno i guess you kinda had to be there

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my-chemical-rmnce-frnk · 4 years

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FOR EVERYONE WHO DOESN'T WANT TO READ ALL THE NEGATIVE STUFF, JUST DON'T READ IT :))

ALSO, DO NOT LIKE THIS POST IF YOU DON'T ACTUALLY READ IT, THANKS

(people are gonna think i do it for attention seeking)

so, my fam, i think i have explained to u how bad my self esteem is & that i think i don't deserve nothing but loneliness & death. The reasons, behind this could be pretty ridiculous for ya but, i'm hella mega destroyed from all of that shit. Basically, it all started when my best friend bullied me like,, 3 years ago?? well, almost best friend but still, we were always together. And i was so fucking blind that i didn't realized until one day, where he just said it all together. Since that day, my self esteem was pretty low. Well, i don't care that much abt the bullying thing anymore tho. Now, let's go to the summer of 2019. Okay so there was this guy who i have known for like 10 years. He told me he loved me. So we were dating i would say?? Yea basically, he was the only person who made me feel good abt myself. Like, for the first time after 2 years i felt beautiful abt who i am & i thought i deserved the love of people. I was confident again,, & i loved this guy 3 years before he confessed me?? So my life was perfect at that point. Idk how to explain this but he was the only person who like,, reminded me how great i am?? I couldn't keep going without him. Until, 16 September. I remember the exact time as well. It was, 19:37 when he told me he doesn't love me anymore. OKAY I DON'T CARE ABOUT THE BROKE UP THAT MUCH LMAO ULL SEE LATER. So, like, i felt crushed. Idk if you ever felt it. The only person, who made u happy (for real the only one) tells u he doesn't want u anymore. That's a hard thing to take yknow?? It isn't obviously his fault. It's my fucking fault. If i was good enough nothing would have happened. If i was more like the other girls, beautiful, maybe he wouldn't tell that. Anywayz the very same day, I attempted suicide. I was ready to kill myself but my parents came home so it failed. But from that day, my self esteem is so low, like, it doesn't get worse than that. I got eating disorders & i still have. I got anxiety as well. Everything was collapsing. My mind is only telling me that i'll never be good enough for anyone, that i'm a failure, that i don't deserve love, or the friends i have. The only thing i deserved was death. Now, on March 16, i did my second suicide attempt which failed cause of music. I was self harming everyday tho anywayz. I still think like that, that i don't deserve anything. My irl friends & family don't know a thing abt it & they're never gonna learn abt it. Well, with that guy, we're friendz so yeah who cares abt the break up lmao. I still love him but who cares right?? I'm not good enough for him or anyone else. I swear to God my chemical romance & Frank's music is the only thing that keeps me alive. I have no will to live otherwise. The only thing i do, is to feel guilty abt everything & the only thing i know is to be a shitty, boring person who can't do anything right. To sum up, this is my story,, i'm still that way & every 16th i have terrible suicidal thoughts. Well, i'm probs gonna attempt suicide or self harm but yeshh lol. I know it's hilarious & sorry for wasting your time. For real, sorry :( (i'm not gonna delete the post after second thought. Cuz it's so funny & you'll laugh at me so i'll do smthing good i guess) if you wanna say something abt this, feel free to do it. Again, i'm so sO sorry :(

#yesh that was it #no one will read it lmao #sorry again #and again #:((#:)#did u laugh???#hope yes #mcr #frankiero #gerard way #mikey way #ray toro

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melvillaa · 3 years

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An Ode to 2020

Not really sure why I’m awake right now. If this was pre-marriage, I would have taken out my laptop to start typing, but it’s not and Bri is knocked tf out, so here we are. I guess this is the ode to 2020 post that I’ve been meaning to annotate for a while now.

This has been the most transformative year of my life. So many changes in more ways than one. Way more ways. Try like 20. A lot of crying (which I never do.... or maybe i just don’t admit to, lmao), a lot of introspection, a lot of uncomfortability (is that a word?), and a lot of change. A whole lot.

The year started off with optimism and ended with the same notion. Full of hope and wonder for the year set before me, I couldn’t wait for 2020 - it was supposed to be the year all my dreams came true.. and in a weird way, it was! It was the year I got married to the love of my life(!!!!!!), reached 5 years at my corporate job, relocated to a new home in a new city and area code. It was all that - but it wouldn’t be my life if it wasn’t that, plus a little pizzazz, lol.

It’s hard for me to give myself grace. Truly I think I am the hardest on myself. Always empathetic of others and their experiences, but always giving myself the short end of the stick. Living in a pandemic has been wild - but living through my huge life changes in the middle of a pandemic has proven to be even more wild. As a person who doesn’t necessarily love change, I’ve struggled to give myself grace in the midst of the huge life changes I’ve experienced. I’m damn proud of how far I’ve come and how strong I’ve been to withstand the trials that I battle without me really saying a word to a single soul. As a person, me typing this stuff out is me telling the world my story - even if no one reads it. This year changed my life.

Marriage.

I became a wife and entered the covenant of marriage. It really is true that you enter into a marital bliss that is full of love you don’t experience until you get married. It’s unlocking a next level of your relationship and discovering a new version of yourself ... yourself plus another human. There really are different levels of love that you are surprised to find out that you are capable of. It’s different than just being in a relationship with one another. Now we’re bound to each other under a different covenant - before the eyes of God, our family, our friends and the law. It’s weird filling out paperwork and realizing that legally I am no longer a Villaflor. Well technically I’ll always be a Villaflor (Melanie Rose Villaflor Argamaso to be exact, okurrrttttt). I stepped into this role of being a wife and all the “responsibilities” that came with it and also fully embraced the fact that I have a person to do life with who loves me more than himself, who is always thinking of me, always taking care of me, always looking out for me, and who genuinely takes responsibility for me. It’s weird. It’s things I knew of during our relationship, but in marriage it’s somehow personified.. magnified. Marriage is so cool. Maybe it’s cool for me because there’s been such an emphasis and importance placed on it ever since I was a little girl. Bri and I didn’t have the “modern relationship” where we lived together prior to marriage. Yea we slept over and had our own respective places, but to really enter into marriage where everyday it’s me and you, and we have a whole ass home and life together is really wild. I love it. Doing life with Bri is me truly seeing that this man really would give me the world if I asked for it. Anything I could ever want or need, he fulfills it. Everyone always asks me what I’ve learned about him since we got married, or what’s something new about Bri that I’ve discovered ... one thing is that this man and his hobbies are unmatched, bro loves him some cars, any moving vehicle really, lmao. But mostly, I see his heart. He always wants the best - for me and for himself and anyone he cares about, sometimes to a fault when he can’t attain perfection but so badly wants to achieve it. But most times he can .. and then some. I’ve never met someone so naturally good at so many things. Tactically advanced, street smart as hell, a risk taker with the ability to fix just about anything, a people person with an infectious personality who could probably resell a piece of lint if he had to. We’re a family now. A little family of two but we’re both at a place where we really wouldn’t mind unlocking another level of love if it were time to. (He asks me for a “grey” from @greyandmama on IG almost weekly 🥺🥴😂).

Wedding.

It seemed like I waited so, so long for our wedding - for it to come and go like the wind. But instead of a nice sea breeze, it came and went like a tropical storm (... literally 😂but more on that later!) I remember being so excited on New Years Day at the start of 2020 ... the anticipation of our wedding in the next five months and really the start of all of our wedding festivities would begin within the next month ... or so I thought.

I remember hearing about the coronavirus making landfall in the US around the holidays in 2019 and it was already steadily spreading across the US, but not quite as widespread as it currently is. I was going on a work trip to Florida towards the end of January and I remember wearing a mask in the airport and on the flight and I conducted my usual Lysol-ing of my entire space. Everyone was looking at me like I was insane but I really didn’t care, haha. A flight attendant asked me why I was wearing a mask and I replied that I just wanted to stay healthy for my family. (...Still true, lol.) I had no idea at this moment how significantly the coronavirus was going to disrupt our world, how normal mask wearing would be, and how disinfectant wipes would soon be the most prized commodity in 21st century homes.

February came like a rush - I started designing our wedding invitation suite which was something I had literally dreamed about. I had a vision from the very beginning and new exactly how I wanted everything to look down to the postage stamp. It reinforced a love for stationery design that I knew I had, but damn was I proud of the finished product. I was so meticulous about everything - from the fonts I used, the colors and hues of the paper, the thickness of the paper, the envelopes, the ink I used. It was so intricate, but it was the most fun I ever had while designing something. It didn’t feel like work at all, but it was pure love that I poured into those invitations. Bri’s bachelor party happened in early March and my bachelorette in Chicago (!!!) was supposed to happen at the end of March. The boys went to Jacksonville, Florida and were able to stay with Bri’s old roommate, Ace in his beautiful home. Coronavirus cases were on the upswing, especially in Florida and Atlanta. I was so freaked out. N95′s were no where to be found, but since Bri is a painter, he was able to score some through work. He wore one on the flight and literally got light headed due to lack of oxygen, lol. He had the time of his life in Florida while I poured my whole self into our invitations, lol. And as soon as the boys got back, the US started to shut down.

Everyone began to work from home and businesses started closing up shop. Star couldn’t make it to my bachelorette, so she schemed her way into getting me to pole dance with all the girls, hahaha. It was literally the night before everything was supposed to shut down. No indoor dining or bars were going to be open at midnight the following Monday, so I was super thankful that I was able to have a mini bachelorette experience in our own little backyard.

It was an anomaly to fly anywhere and airports became ghost towns. Each day we got a little closer to my bachelorette and myself and the girls were so excited. Itineraries were made, bickering ensued, flights were purchased, I bought outfits for every outing (... so much white, lol) Literally the only thing left for us to do was to actually fly to Chicago. Probably a week to a week and a half before we were supposed to fly out, Chicago issued a stay at home order and everything shut down. We had to make the difficult decision to cancel my bachelorette trip to Chicago and try to rebound and think of a plan B. The girls were so gracious. I’m so thankful for all the work they put in to try and make things work out for me. We tried to do a weekend trip to Ashville, NC but everything was so risky and there was so much unknown at this point. Covid mandates varied from state to state and things were quite literally changing by the day, the hour even. It just didn’t work out. Till this day I’m sad that I didn’t get to have the full bachelorette experience, but I’m still so, so thankfulI for my friends and the work that they put in to make everything feel as normal as possible.

Home.

Careers.

Relationships.

Ok I’ll reflect on these things later. I’m sleepy, lol.

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crionsbelt · 4 years

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This may or may not go up by the time midnight hits or slightly after for me, let’s see what happens! I’ve been working on this since 9:30 PM EST, I expect it’ll be done by 12:50 AM EST. Hopefully I’m right so it ain’t too late gjnhg

For starters: Happy New Year everyone! Hard to believe we lived in the decade where this beauty was created. Nonetheless, there are multiple people I want to thank -- along with a much needed personal note from me. Everything will be put into a read more, but trust me, it’s long. Thank you all for making the final days of this decade very welcoming for me!

@kiidreamu & @theabyssalmuses

It’s rather silly for me to start with you two, because I’ve got quite a bit to say; so here goes! I’ve known you two for...quite a while huh? I can’t recall the exact time, but I know we’ve been mutuals since I went by Phantom -- which was a long while ago. Regardless, I’ve always enjoyed you two on my dash; and I’ve always really liked interacting with y’all OOC! I’ve always had a blast speaking with you two (specifically now w all this fuckin Bear Ass shit). I really enjoy the way you two write your muses, I think you both should have a lot more faith in them because they’re very fun to see on the dash! It’s pretty clear y’all put a lot of effort into your writing, even if you say you don’t, I for sure notice it. Hime, I know you said you admired me - but there’s nothing to admire! You and Kii are equally as good as me, but I’m definitely not much. However, I never posted it (because I had it in my drafts and still do) because it meant a lot to me. I’ve never been told something like that aside from Norgie, so it made me feel happy in a dark time. Thank you both for continuing to be my friends, truly.

@fantasyacrossworlds

Awoo! You and I have known each other for a long time, too (most people tagged here I’ve known for 2 - 4 years hujhj)! I’m VERY happy that we’re mutuals again, I’ve truly missed interacting with you! I’m so glad that it seems Orion and Cass are going to have a chaotic friendship that will always end on Orion running to Artemis LMAO. I’m looking forward to more interactions!

@sanzenxsekai

I already gave you a super long post explaining how much me and Norgie are thankful for you, so I’ll remind you in a tl;dr version. WE ALL LOVE YOUR STINKY GREMLIN + YOU!! Please keep writing Nobu in 2020! Thank you so much for being such a good friend to me.

@mcphistcples

You don’t even realize how much of a positive impact you’ve had on both me and my girlfriend. You’re absolutely hilarious and I’m incredibly happy you chose to start interacting with a disaster like me. As a Dies fan, I fucking love your Rein. You write him fantastically and it’s always fun to see your interactions with BB’s JAlter. I am looking forward to the dramatic reading of My Immortal: Bear Ass Edition : )

@stxrdust-pxper

We haven’t talked much OOC properly, but we’ve known each other just about the same time as me and Norgie have been dating - so almost 2 years! You’re a pretty cool person, I’m happy you joined my new server because it’s given myself and others a chance to chat with you more. Thank you for all the kindness you’ve given me throughout the time we’ve known each other, I’ve never said it until now, but it truly has stuck with me and helped me become happier.

@bloodsoakedsakura / @idoldragos

There’s actually a lot I’d like to say, some I’ll leave out for now. For starters, thank you for having my back for three years straight. Seriously. You’ve been there for me through a whole lot, honestly surprised you’ve stuck with me for as long as you have. You’ve stood up for me when the time came for it and I’m honestly so thankful you did. Every time you hop in call with us it’s usually always fun and stupid (in a good way), so thank you for being part of my band of misfits as long as you have Sades. Even though you’re a boomer who didn’t stop me rolling 200 of my Quartz, I forgive you... dontkillmepls

@yuichiroswife

Speka, you’ve been a great help to me and Norgie a great amount of times as of late. Thank you so much, you’re an incredibly kind person and I’m glad we became friends!!

@muniificus

I’ve known you for 3 years too I’m 90% certain, it’s insane how long I’ve known a lot of you - it feels like forever but it also feels like time has gone by so quickly! Much like Sades, I’m very thankful you’ve stuck around for as long as you have Icarus. Thank you for putting up with my dumb ass, and ultimately having fun in return! alsoihavethereplyforanastasiadraftedipromise

@fakepriest

I’ve sent you an ask with a lot of what would’ve been said in here, but I want to let you know that I’m extremely grateful that you’ve kept being my friend to. I enjoy our conversations a lot, especially when we talk about things like Heaven’s Feel because they’re usually always such fun things to talk about.

Much like the ask I’ve sent you, your Kirei is so scarily accurate it nearly simulates his actual personality flawlessly. That’s how scary good at writing this tofu loving fake priest. I’m so happy it’s you who’s writing him, not to play the pedestal game, but I genuinely can’t see anyone else (not even myself) coming close to how phenomenal your portrayal is. #kireisquad

@arkdiia

Though our first conversation first chatting again wasn’t expected, I’m super glad you came back to Tumblr and I’m thrilled to be friends w you again! Hopefully for 2020, you and I /both/ catch a break lmfao.

@saintguine

Much like Anna, I’ve already told you what I wanted to here in the form of an ask a few hours ago - however, I do wish to say smth that I’m sure a lot of people feel. Regardless of how you think about yourself, you’re a very good person BB and we’re all very blessed to know you. You’re absolutely one of my best friends, and though there was a point where we lost communication for a bit, I’m very grateful our friendship is the exact same.

We all care u BB, thank u for bein gud to all of us

Kayla & Sere

This post is incredibly long already, luckily I’m just about done -- but I’ve got three people to go starting with you two!

Sere, you’ve heard me vent a lot and you’ve known me (Kayla has known me this long too) for a pretty damn long time if you ask me, 3 years may not seem like a lot to people, but with all the stuff we’ve all gone through these 3 years? It’s been a LOT and I can’t say I’d be the person I am without you hearing my dumb ass vent and creating Cursed Night. I appreciate all of your icons, thank you for giving us (Hell) special treatment with them. Seriously! While you are a best friend for sure, you’re also practically family to me. Thank you again for everything.

Kayla, the same of what I said for Sere is said for you. You’re legit like my older sister, you’ve been there for me for just bout the same amount that Norgie has; you’re someone who means a lot to both me and Norgie, so thank you for giving talking to us a chance way back when you were shy (I think that’s what it was!). There have been a lot of ups and downs for all of us, but I’m glad the downs at least had the positive effect of giving me a second family who I love dearly. I actually teared up on this part, so god help me when I write for Norgie.

@letoborn / @uwuwrote

I’m going to save a lot of what I want to say to you for our anniversary in June, but I will say a few things because I love you so very much.

When I met you, I was not expecting you’d turn out to be the woman of my dreams. You’re genuinely my better half, and I have never been as happy as I am than I am with you. You’ve truly had the biggest impact in my life Norgie, you’ve made me laugh, cheered me up when I’m sad, called me out when I was dumb and helped me better myself.

I’m so incredibly happy I got to spend the rest of the last decade being your boyfriend, and now, going into 2020 - a whole new decade with you. Like I said, you’re my better half - I can’t see myself with anyone else but you. You’re the greatest treasure in my life, I’m so happy we’ve had all this fun with roleplaying.

Thank you so much Norgie, for giving me Orion/Artemiis, all of our other ships - being my soulmate (at least, I think so). I hope 2020 treats us both well, but I’m willing to go through whatever as long as it’s with you.

Now, that’s the end of that -- but I have a few extra things to say.

My 2019 has been...quite possibly the hardest year of my life, at least on the internet. For a very long time, I was fearful of interacting with others - I made mistakes that I wish I could take back, I got put through hell for nothing...man, I don’t wanna go back in and say what happened, what is and isn’t true -- the long story short is, shit happened, but it’s the past now.

I want to go into 2020 just..as positive as I can be, I’m tired of the drama, I just want to have fun with my friends and my girlfriend you know? So, I’m finally choosing to move on and just...try having fun again. This choice would be impossible without the people mentioned in this post.

From the bottom of my heart, thank you to all of you who have stuck around through it all for me. I’m so incredibly thankful to be part of the friendgroup I’m in, to know everyone I’ve met who’s put up with me. I’ve had so many times where I wanted to leave this site, but I wanted to keep trying to write with everyone -- to have fun with everyone. You all have no idea how genuinely happy you’ve all made me, just by writing with my Orion and Norgie’s Artemis.

Though I couldn’t think of anything to say specifically for the others tagged below here, thank you all for everything as well -- just following me makes me happy. I’m sure I’ve forgotten some people, but trust me, I’m so very happy to know all of you.

@dekirukoto @wisesteyed @lacobscur @akhilleuskcsmcs

#ʕ•͡ω•ʔ ✦ ✦ ✦ 𝙄𝙏'𝙎𝘼 𝙈𝙀‚ 𝘼𝘾𝙏𝙐𝘼𝙇𝙇𝙔 𝙎𝘼𝙏𝘼𝙉 / OOC #i missed my time budget BUTTTT ooh wel #herre's this

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pastryseungs · 4 years

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Strangers From Hell (2019)

Dir. Lee Chang-hee

Writer: Jung Lee-Do based on the webtoon written by Kim Yong-Ki

very long post ahead ~

⚠️ TW // death, murder, blood, violence

SPOILERS !!

Goshiwon: a very small room that students live in while studying for an important test. (source: https://www.reddit.com/r/DoesNotTranslate/comments/5zghif/korean_%EA%B3%A0%EC%8B%9C%EC%9B%90_goshiwon_a_very_small_room_that/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)

Psychopath: a person suffering from chronic mental disorder with abnormal or violent social behavior.

“be careful with people. people are the most frightening above all else.”

indeed people are frightening. just from this drama, i’m starting to think of going vegetarian. i know its part of the ~cinematic effect~ but the way Ms. Eom (Lee Jeong-eun) handled the meat almost made me gag ;-;. the drama was pretty disturbing too! Seo Moon-jo (Lee Dong-wook) lived a double life as a dentist and someone who kills people for “art”. it absolutely reminded me of Hannibal (2013) because of Moon-jo and Jong-woo’s (Im Siwan) relationship, which reminded me of Hannibal and Will Graham’s relationship.

Strangers From Hell is about a man named Yoon Jong-woo who moves from Busan to Seoul and starts renting a place in a goshiwon. since he started living in Eden Residence, lots of weird things started to happen until his curiosity has peeked when a close acquaintance had gone missing in the residence which claimed to plan on moving out the next week. he then starts finding a few things of the old tenant in his room, which led to him investigating why the Residence was so sketchy.

during his stay in Eden, the usually polite, calm, and composed Jong-Woo has evolved into an irritable and violent person. he usually doesn’t act on his impulses whenever someone from work or from the residence ticks him off until one of his co-workers keep talking down on him for his work performance, which caused him to beat up this said co-worker. personally, the co-worker was actually so annoying.. it would’ve been better if he was warmer and actually taught Jong-Woo the ropes, so he could maybe do better at his job. the co-worker was also ticking me off while i was watching the drama omg.

eventually, this break-down led to him losing a job and meeting up with his boss and his girlfriend to try and patch things up and talk about the misunderstanding. Moon-jo joins the trio, provoking both the boss and Jong-Woo. Jong-Woo’s boss met his demise that night, making Jong-Woo avoid returning to Eden. unfortunately, this plan was cut short after Moon-jo kidnaps Jong-Woo’s girlfriend, Ji-Eun. (Kim Ji-Eun, i was surprised when i found out she had the same name as the character she portrayed)

this then led to a series of killings, until we’re left with the ending that Jong-Woo was part of all of it all along, that he wasn’t really the innocent guy he claims to be. he was apart of Moon-jo’s plan, his art to be exact- dude this gives me Hannibal and Will Graham vibes ✨

it was so sad how late Jung-hwa figured it all out and placed the puzzle pieces together. curiosity did kill the cat but it also has good consequences.

okayyy, on to my thoughts throughout the show:

i was honestly so confused if it was platonic or romantic since Moon-jo likes calling Jong-woo as “babe” / “jagi” / “jagiya”. eh, its probably used to provoke Jong-Woo, since he physically looks so uncomfortable when called with the affectionate nickname.

i can’t help but mention that i felt so bad for Seok-hyun (No Jong-hyun) when watching the show because i thought that he was like the others due to his first encounter with Jong-Woo. i was really praying for Jong-Woo to stay or try to sneak out with Seok-hyun, but during the last few episodes, he wasn’t really in his right mind to do so. also, if Seok-hyun wasn’t so curious about everything, he wouldn’t end up being killed by Ms. Eom and Deuk-Jong/Deuk Soo (Park Jong-Hwan, i honestly don’t know which is which ;-;). but eh, curiosity killed the cat.

i love how Jung-hwa (Ahn Eun-jin) slowly got into the realization that Jong-Woo isn’t entirely innocent as he claims and seems to be. the guy was literally still wearing the bracelet that Moon-jo gave him! the bracelet consisted of the teeth that Moon-jo mercilessly extracted without anesthesia/pain-killers. i kinda compared this to Hannibal (2013) because like Hannibal, Moon-jo likes keeping trophies of his murders while also under the illusion that he’s doing so for the sake of art and finishing his artwork.

that part where Jong-Woo and his old friend from the military was so sad for me. the part where Deuk-jong/Deuk-Soo where breaking the door down with an axe reminded me of The Shining (1980) where Jack Torrace was breaking the door down to torment his wife, Wendy. it was really stupid for the friend to drink the drink that was clearly planted in Jong-Woo’s room to drink. it was the same drink that Ms. Eom laced with some sort of drug to make you sleep and have almost zero control over your body.

dude! Kim Ji-Eun looks so much to Ryujin from Itzy! while watching her scenes, i kept thinking, “Ryujin, Ryujin, Ryujin~”. anyways, Ji-Eun is a really good actress and she plays her part very well. i just think that she has this “girlfriend” vibe now to me lmao. she also looks very innocent too and has this constant concerned expression.. like Ryujin does lol.

alsoooo, LEE DONG WOOK’S DUALITY !! i heard that he filmed Strangers From Hell and Touch Your Heart (2019) in the same year! this dude portrayed Moon-jo really well and i was wondering how he can pull off a tsundere boyfriend and a psychopath so well 😭.

anyways, i love how this show made each character look so disgusting that it was actually so convincing. their acting was so convincing and it actually made me think that they’re a bunch of psychopaths. like i was honestly so disgusted by Hong Nam-bok’s (Lee Joong-ok) character lmao, i was actually thinking what the guy would probably smell like since he doesn’t look like the type to look after himself and only cares about Moon-jo’s art.

in conclusion, i was really entertained by this drama. its been a while since i watched a K-Drama in particular and i’ve been really curious with what this drama is about so i decided to watch it. i’ll probably take a few days to try and move on from this one though lmao.

thanks for reading !!

#netflix #must watch #asian series #film #netflix series #film review #korea #korean #kdrama #k drama #strangers from hell #lee dong wook #im siwan #kim ji eun #drama #i cant sleep

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baek-byunies · 5 years

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love me tender | a kyungsoo drabble;

romance, kyungsoo + reader, saying goodbye.

a/n: this is a gift to dia, @kyungseokie. it’s very simple and not exactly a birthday drabble, but it’s something i’ve been thinking about for a while; i thought maybe giving you a somewhat proper goodbye to ksoo would work as nice gift. it’s also my first time ever posting any of my works here, but you deserve it. so, here it is. i’m sorry if it’s a bit sad, lmao. happy birthday bby, i love you.

also tagging @yeoldotcom (thanks for the support, bubs).

On busy days like this, you’d usually forget about it. To be quite honest, you were used to the idea of farewells by now. For almost three years, you often had to watch him walk out the door and not come back for months. After the first time, you’d realized that would be your routine as a couple; he’d be travelling around the world, doing what the loved, and you’d be waiting for him to return, trying to keep yourself occupied so time would fly by faster. Spending your days away from him wasn’t an easy task - not at all, and some nights were rougher than others, but if that’s what it took for you to be together, then you’d try and accept it as happily as you could.

Nevertheless, on this particular saturday night, with problems from work still weighing down on your tired mind, you caught yourself swallowing an annoying, bitter bulge that quickly made its way up inside your throat after glancing at the bright screen of your cell phone. As you drove yourself back home, the device vibrated against the leather seat beside you to show a new incoming message: “okay, i’ll be waiting for you. come back safely”. Right above it, big white letters made sure to indicate the undeniable truth: July 29th, 2019. You had less than 48 hours together before bidding farewells once again. It was never easy to go through the exact moment of saying goodbye to the love of your life; the last kiss, the teary eyes, the click of the door knob and the suffocating pain that bruised against your rib cage during the first hours, but you had seen it happen enough times for you to make peace with its inevitability. This time, however, when you remembered what saying goodbye would really mean, all you could feel was a growing helplessness inside your chest. This time, you couldn’t control the despair that creeped its way inside your brain. This time, you weren’t ready at all.

Two years. Not two weeks of promotions, not two months of touring. Two whole years. 24 months of his absence. Uncountable days of living without his fingers between yours, without staring at his shy sleepy eyes under the darkness of your shared bedroom, his arms around your waist, his warm skin against yours; without his soothing voice and caring words calming down your loud chaotic mind; without him throwing his head back to giggle at anything stupid you’d say just to watch your favorite open smile across his lips. You’d miss everything. Even the tiniest little things. Even his short temper, his quietness, his moody good mornings before coffee, his overly honest opinions, how he’d whine until you left the kitchen and let him cook in peace.

It took you a few minutes to finally leave your car after already parking it on your apartment’s spot, holding the steering wheel a bit too tight and brainstorming on how to act normally around him and not burden his already busy mind with your depressing thoughts. He needed you, among all people, to respect and support his decision, and you’d been trying your best to show him that you did. It was the most difficult thing you had to come to terms with in your entire life, but you had to be the one to hold his hand and stand by him until the last minute without falter. You knew it was as hard for him to leave you as it was for you to watch him go.

The soft sound of the elevator landing on your floor was the only thing that managed to wake you up from your trance. Taking a step out of its steel walls, you inhaled a great amount of the hallway’s cold air. Although the only thing you needed to soothe your already aching heart was him, deep down your core you knew you were unconsciously postponing this moment; it’d mean you were closer to being with him for the last time. You couldn’t lie, you were afraid. Frightened. But you couldn’t let yourself waste any more seconds you’d regret not being by his side in the future. Realizing you somehow already had your keys against your palm, you faintly knocked on your shared apartment’s door to announce your arrival before unlocking and opening it.

“Honey?” closing the door behind you and entering the living room’s cozy atmosphere, you were immediately welcomed by his deep voice emerging from further inside the apartment. While your fingers already engaged on unlacing your pair of boots, you heard his light footsteps making their way towards you. “Welcome home.” As you kicked your shoes to the nearest corner, you lifted your eyes for your vision field to be filled with an approaching Kyungsoo and his sweet small smile. Affectionately staring down at you and taking a final step closer until you were a breath away from each other, he slid his hands under your coat, from your clothed collarbones to your shoulders, to gently take the garment off.

“Hello.” You whispered, your tone an octave weaker than expected, not wasting any minute on sneaking your arms around his torso and pinning your chest against his, deeply sighing against the woody scent of his perfume sprayed black sweater. After placing your coat on the wall hanger, he softly ran his palms against your back, stroking it tenderly while showering your forehead with light pecks.

“Long day?” he asked, a soft chuckle vibrating off his ribcage as you weighed your tired body against his, snuggling your face against the crook of his neck and nodding discreetly. You couldn’t help but comfortably closing your eyes to his long awaited touch, focusing on absorbing the warmth that emanated from his bare skin against your cheek.

“I’m sorry I had to work today.” You muttered after a few seconds of silence, your words muffled against his throat. Feeling a deep long sigh fanning against the crown of your head, you prayed he hadn’t realized you tried your utmost to conceal the irrepressible melancholic voice tone that came off your lips.

“It’s okay. We can still enjoy our day together.” Cradling you tightly between his arms, his lips found their way to your ear shell, ghosting over your skin as he whispered, “look at me.” You knew he was aware of you hiding your face from his attentive gaze. You knew he could read through the veiled sadness in your eyes like an open book, as he would never fail to do, and you couldn’t let him. Not today. You tried your best not to think about how that would be the beginning of your last hours with him, but you couldn’t ignore the ticking clock inside your brain. And the last thing you wanted was to envenom him with your anxiety and sorrow. Leaning an inch away, he dragged his hands upwards from your waist, cupping your cheeks as he ever so lightly kissed your closed lids. “I have a surprise for you.” As he grabbed on one of your hands to take a step back and lead you along the corridor, you opened your eyes to his dark irises staring fondly at you. “Aren’t you curious?” He had nothing but a pleased, teasing smirk splattered across his heart-shaped lips; no sadness, no regret.

“What do you mean a surprise?” You found yourself already inevitably smiling back, letting yourself be dragged by him. You could never resist the way his eyes would soften under half-moon lids as his smile grew wider, just like it was right now. As both of you turned around the end of the entrance corridor, he let you take the first step inside the living room ahead of him, lacing his arms around your waist as his body pressed against your back.

“Kyungsoo-” You were not sure how you were expecting to spend that night with him, a little insecure about how you’d act around each other on your last couple days together, but you were definitely not expecting that. Your once almost unused dinner table adorned with the fanciest porcelain dish set you had stored in the depths of your cabinets, a crystal jar filled with freshly picked looking tulips and orchids on all shades of white and lilac, all glistening under the dim lights coming from a pair of silver candlesticks you had certainly never seen before.

“I know we’ve been a little busy lately, and I feel like it’s been a while since I’ve cooked you something special... so I thought I’d make it a little fancier tonight.” His low-pitched voice reverberated against your ear lobe, and you could feel his lips shaped on a satisfied smile as they traced lazy little moistened kisses across the corner of your jawline.

“When did you get all that?” You spun on your feet to face him, the sparkles deep inside your dilated pupils dragging the corners of his mouth even further upwards.

“Today, actually.” He answered, already leading you towards the table with a hand firmly against the small of your back.

“You could’ve told me! I would’ve helped you get everything.” As you approached the only source of light in the room besides the stars and moon outside the glass walls, you realized your glasses were already half filled with a sweet smelling crimson liquid, and behind the flower jar, stood your favorite bottle of red wine.

“Then it wouldn’t have been a surprise, would it?” Kyungsoo helped you sit on one of the two wooden chairs and you couldn’t help but giggle at his chivalry. He’d always been the kind of person to express his feelings through actions rather than words, and scared you’d shy him away, you’d always quietly enjoy his little caring gestures every now and then. Whether it was humming your favorite songs in your ear until you finally fell asleep on your worst insomniac nights, coming home from a tiring rehearsal day with a handful of your favorite cheap chocolates and ready to watch the cringiest dramas to brighten up your mood or quietly listening to you cry in his arms, holding you as if he’d never let go, he’d never fail to show you he’d be there to take care of you. But you weren’t expecting him to go that far today.

“I hope you’re hungry.” Coming back from the kitchen with a porcelain bowl on his hands, Kyungsoo carefully placed it on the table, right between your plates. With white twirls of steam still coming off the red sauce covered dish, your nostrils were immediately filled the sweet smell of freshly cooked tomatoes. “Your favorite.” He murmured, sitting across from you.

With a gasp, you finally recognized the dish as Kyungsoo stirred it inside the bowl before serving you a couple spoonfuls. “Gnocchi! I thought you’d never give it a try just because of how much I used to nag you about it.” Laughing at your words as he served himself, Kyungsoo shook his head in small movements.

“It’s not exactly the easiest recipe if you actually do it from scratch, but I tried my best.” Folding his arms against his chest and resting his elbows on the edge of the table, he stared anxiously at you, waiting on your verdict. Kyungsoo loved cooking, especially for his loved ones, and he was nothing less than great at it, but he‘d still watch you take the first bite off his every dish in seek of your approval. This time, of course, it wasn’t any different.

“God-“ You started, slowly chewing on the soft potato dumplings, the sauce the right amount of salty and sweet taking over your taste buds. “It’s perfect.” Kyungsoo’s shoulders relaxed as he exhaled deeply, a genuine happy smile creeping its way along his lips.

“I’m glad you like it.” Reaching for his cutlery, Kyungsoo suddenly stopped midway, getting up from his seat with a swift movement. “I was almost forgetting something.” He muttered to himself, your eyes following as he took quick steps across the room towards his beloved old fashioned record player, lowering down its tone arm to meet the vinyl. The room was immediately filled with the first song of your favorite jazz and blues compilation as Kyungsoo already made his way back to his seat.

“You really thought this whole thing through, didn’t you?” You said under a chuckle, taking a sip of your wine glass.

“Maybe I did.” He shrugged his shoulders, cocking an amused eyebrow at your smirk.

For about twenty to thirty minutes, you really did forget about everything. You were unconsciously entirely involved by how it felt to be around Kyungsoo and his light, familiar, comforting aura; how your heart was used to being filled with the warmth of his presence. He was unusually talkative that night, and you, being used to taking that role in your daily lives, settled with quietly listening as he told you about his little adventure to the flower shop and how the owner, “a very sweet old lady”, had helped him make a good choice that wouldn’t seem too cliché, because he knew “you hated clichés”, then about how hard it was for him to find an actually good recipe for your beloved gnocchi, and even harder finding that dish set his mother had given him a couple years ago, right after you had moved in together, kept in the darkest corner of your cabinets.

You had both finished your second plates of the dish, laughing about how he had to run and turn off all the lights as he heard you knock on the door, when the first chords of a certain song started coming off from the speakers. Taking the last gulp from his glass of wine, he promptly stood from his seat, offering you a stretched out hand.

“Kyungsoo, you know I can’t dance.” You huffed under a chuckle, already enlancing your fingers with his, nevertheless. It was your song, and you could never deny him that moment. The first song he had sang you under the moonlight, on your first date out in the open together. With his face constantly all over Seoul’s billboards, you never had much opportunities to go out on casual, normal dates. On that day, however, Kyungsoo had gotten fed up with being a prisoner to his own house, not able to show you what a beautiful night it was outside. After driving to the farthest public park possible, way past midnight, you had laid down on the cold, dew sprinkled grass, watching as the stars sparkled against the navy blue sky. ‘Can you sing for me?’ you had whispered against the silent night atmosphere, still too embarrassed about being this close to him, your connected hands between your bodies. Lowering his black face mask, he turned to lay on his side, silently waiting for you to do the same. You still remember the boiling anxiety that twirled your insides as you gathered all the courage inside your being to face him, his eyes not even a couple inches away from yours. With a sigh, he closed his lids to start slowly whispering the lyrics you’d never forget after that moment. ‘Love me tender, love me sweet, never let me go’.

You couldn’t have stopped yourself from kissing him if you tried.

“And you know I don’t care.” Flushing your body against his, his hands gently pressing down on your hips, you rolled your eyes at him before lacing your arms around his neck. You slowly swayed around the wooden floor with small carefree steps, Kyungsoo staring deeply inside your eyes as a smile took over his plump lips.

“What?” You questioned, self-consciously hiding your face with one hand as he chuckled, already taking your palm between his fingers to reveal your soft pink stained cheeks to his gaze. “My makeup is smudged.” You huffed, pouting at his insistent stare.

“I just want to look at you. And that’s how I like you,” he said, lightly tucking a strand of wild uncombed hair behind your ear, “real, mine” cupping your cheeks, he placed a soft kiss right on your cupid’s bow, “always mine.” Burying your face against his chest, you could already feel that overwhelming flood of closeted emotions you so hard tried to keep at bay making its way up from your heavy lungs to your tightly shut throat and then finally to your burning eyelids.

“Love me tender, love me sweet, tell me you’re mine… i’ll be yours through all the years, till the end of time.” His voice, his sweet, loving voice against your ear was the last straw. You could never resist it. It brought you the most unique, truthful feelings you had ever experienced, and god, maybe you’d probably miss it the most.

“I don’t want you to go-“ you were already sobbing as your muffled words collided against his chest, ripping their way across your stinging voice chords. You really tried your best not to crumble down in front of him, holding it back until he would he out the door. You really did try. But it was impossible. “I can’t... live without you-” echoing your thoughts, you tightly grabbed on the cloth of his sweater, twisting it between your fingers. And you let yourself cry. With your forehead pinned against his chest, facing the floor, your uncontrollable tears fell harshly against the wood tiles.

“Sshhh, it’s okay, look at me. Y/n, look at me.” Kyungsoo whispered, gently trying to lift your head while cupping your wet cheeks with his warm palms. “It’s okay, baby, I know… I know.” Leaning down to level your eyes, he showered your flushed face with the sweetest butterfly pecks. “We can do this.” He murmured against your ear shell, trying hard not to let his choked up voice win him over. “I love you so, so much.” Wiping away the waterfall like tears making their way down to your chin with his fingers and lips, Kyungsoo stared at your swollen, still closed red lids.

“Kyungsoo,” you heavily let out under strangled breaths, “I’m sorry, I really-” your trail of words were interrupted by a loud sob, and you had to concentrate on inhaling and exhaling deeply before thinking of saying anything else.

“It’s okay, my love. I know. There’s nothing to be sorry about,” he said, stroking your feverish cheeks softly, “you’ve been so strong for me throughout all this, haven’t you?” with your lips tightly between your teeth, you still tried to control your breathing, the tears now silently rolling down your face. “Can you look at me now? Please.” Feeling the pain in his voice, you finally did as he asked you, opening your lids to Kyungsoo’s own teary eyes glistening against the candle light.

“I’m sorry.” Was all you could blurt out. It was all too much for you, and you were legitimately starting to think that maybe you weren’t strong enough to take everything at once.

“It’s okay, baby. I feel the same. I’m gonna miss you so, so much. I’ll miss you more than anything. I’ll think about you every second of every hour of every day. Whenever you think of me, I’ll be thinking of you, and I guess that way we’ll be closer, right? Our hearts will never be apart.” He still had that soft smile lingering on his lips, that same smile you were sure you couldn’t live without. “I know it’s a long time, but it’s not forever. And I’ll still be there to love you when it’s all over.” His sweet loving words weren’t making the tears go away, but the sound of his tender, calming voice, was the only thing that helped control your hitched breathing. “I have something for you.”

While still holding your face tightly, Kyungsoo used one hand to search for something in the front pocket of his dark jeans. Under the weak lights and with your blurred sight and dazed brain, you couldn’t recognize the black object between his fingers.

“I’ve thought about this for a while. You know how I tend to overthink about important things.” Taking a deep, long sigh, Kyungsoo moistened his red stained lips before continuing. “And you know I’m fine with the whole duty thing. Although I… believe we can do this, I know two years is… a long time.“ Playing with the object between his digits, he finally gave your cheek a hesitant, final stroke to hold the thing between both of his palms. “I hope someday you’ll get used to being without me, ‘cause I want you to be okay. I want you to enjoy your life, especially when I’m not here. I don’t think I can make it through if I know you’re not happy.”

You couldn’t think of anything to say, and to be honest, your dizzy mind wasn’t really following what he tried telling you. “What is it, Kyungsoo?” with shaky words, you focused on what he hid between his hands. With a nervous chuckle, he fidgetly engaged on working on the object. It was a small, very simple velvet bag, and while he managed to untie the petit lace around it, Kyungsoo inhaled heavily before speaking again.

“As I’ve said… it’ll be a long wait for both of us. I won’t have much room to change my mind, but you’ll be out here, living. And all I want for you is... happiness.” Turning the tiny bag upside down over his shell-shaped hand, two thin silver rings fell with silent clinks on his palm. “I’ll understand if you ever feel the need to step away from this, or if you, one day, maybe realize you’re not feeling the same way you once felt. I hope you don’t, but…” with another anxious little laugh, he stared gently at your wide eyes. “So… this is a promise. My promise to you. My feelings won’t change. And I’m… asking you to wait for me.” Lifting his eyes from the rings on his hand, he looked up at you once again.

“Kyungsoo,” you felt speechless. You felt too much at once. And you were drunk with so many emotions trying to fit inside your swollen heart at the same time and how your ribcage felt small around it, pressing against your lungs. “There’s no one else for me. I couldn’t get over you if I tried.” But as you looked at his wide almond eyes, most of all, you felt love. And you felt loved. “I love you. With everything I have. And the thought of going on with my life, any life without you, is suffocating. And that’s frightening. But not waiting for you is simply not an option. So that’s all I’ll be doing for the next two years. Wait for you.” With your trembly fingers, you tightly held his hands with yours, hiding the rings between your sweaty skins. “I’ll be right here when you come back.”

With a gentle kiss over the crown of your head, Kyungsoo took your left hand with both of his, silently sliding one the silver rings, the one with a single, small diamond on top, along your ring finger. Letting you do the same to him, Kyungsoo kept his eyes locked to yours as you stared at the metal sparkling under the lights.

For now, away from the world’s curious eyes, he enjoyed the new, light weight of the ring against his finger. “I’ll wear mine here, always,” he said, with a fist over his chest, “and I’ll never let go.” You simply nodded, feeling your eyes stinging against your blinking lids once again. “I’m yours.” He whispered against your ear, involving your body between his arms with a desperate, strong hold. With him gently swaying you to side to side, you stood there, connected, body and soul. With no haste, he placed long lasting soft kisses from your temple, to your closed lids, eyebrows and cheeks, finally lingering on your lips. Pinning your foreheads together, you both stared at each other. With an amused side smirk and a confinding tone, he murmured, “and if it helps you stop crying, there’s flan in the oven.”

#exo scenarios #exo imagines #exo fluff #do kyungsoo #kyungsoo scenarios #kyungsoo imagines #kyungsoo fluff #exo #exo fanfic #i dont even know how to tag stuff istg #anyways it doesnt matter #its a simple gift but i hope you like it :/ dsajkda and its sad omg im sorry i hope you dont feel bad after reading it ajsdjasjaaaa :/#dia 🐝

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