#thinking about it I could probably make a whole little analysis with them

[rose-void-789]

I just realized something two of my favorite ships are shonen protagonist going feral after something happens to their lover. The similarities, both in war too. In know I'm bringing up old wounds but you can't deny its all pretty romantic.

[theywereafairy]

party 4 u

⋆˚࿔ Pairing: Joel Miller x F!Reader Wordcount: 5,2k

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 (coming soon)

Had this idea while listening to “party 4 u” by Charli XCX, hihi ⋆˚࿔ Summary: You threw yourself a birthday party for one reason only: to make sure Joel Miller had no choice but to show up. He broke it off a month ago—said it couldn’t happen again. But you’re not over it. Not even close. And tonight might be your last chance to remind him why he never could stay away from you.

⋆˚࿔ Warnings: Age gap (not specified) • mutual obsession • secret relationship • oral (f receiving) • PIV (unprotected) • slight dom!Joel • “daddy” kink (light use) • backseat sex • dirty talk • possessive tension • necklace symbolism • rough tenderness • messy emotions • soft aftercare • reader has friends who are nosy as hell • birthday cake

⋆˚࿔Author���s Note: Hi besties 🥹 this is the first fanfic I’ve ever published, and I’m both excited and terrified to put it out there! I’d love to hear your thoughts, reactions, screams, analysis, freak-outs—literally anything you wanna tell me. Your feedback means the world, so feel free to drop an ask or a reblog with tags. Thanks for being here 💗 (hope anyone even reads this lmao)

Nervous wasn’t quite the right word for what you were feeling. No. What curled in your stomach, tight and sharp, was closer to despair. The kind that clings. Embarrassment too, maybe. And a little self-loathing, dusted over everything like powdered sugar on something too sweet.

People were trickling into the bar you’d rented, a grungy little place with flickering lights and sticker-covered walls, each one a memory someone left behind. You said it was for your special birthday. Twenty-five. A number that sounded important if you said it with enough conviction.

Your brother had given you a look when you made the announcement. Quiet, but questioning. He didn’t say anything, just sipped his drink like he was waiting for the punchline. You’d never thrown yourself a party before.

Across the room, Nico and Riley were tucked into a corner booth, their heads tilted toward each other like a secret. The light above them buzzed softly, catching just enough of their faces to make it look like a stage. Like they were performing being young and happy. You should’ve been over there too. Laughing. Pretending to be carefree. But instead, your eyes kept drifting back to the door.. You stared like it might open for you if you just put your mind to it hard enough.

Like he might walk through it.

A hand landed on your shoulder, jarring you out of it. Too hard. Too warm.

“Kiddo,” your dad said, offering you a beer. Cold enough to make your skin flinch. “Having a good night?”

You forced a smile, wide enough to fool someone who loved you too much.

“Yeah. Thanks, Dad. I’m so glad everyone came.”

Well. Everyone didn’t come. 

He hummed, draped an arm across your shoulder. For a second, it felt like being five again, when the world was small and soft and safe.

Then you said it. Quiet and casual. “Did you invite Joel?” You took a sip to hide the way your mouth twisted when you said his name.

“Yeah,” he replied, not noticing. “Hope that’s alright with you. Figured I needed someone who drinks at my pace. Can’t keep up with you young folks anymore.”

He nodded toward the crowd, downing shots like they were racing death.

You laughed—dry, polite. If your dad knew, if anyone knew, that this entire night, this birthday, this guest list, this location, had been stitched together just to get Joel Miller into a room with you again…

Well. They’d probably send you somewhere with padded walls.

And maybe they’d be right. Because even now, with all this noise and warmth around you, all you could think about was the last time you saw him. The way he stood in his doorway, arms crossed, mouth tight. The way he said it couldn’t happen anymore. The way you begged.

Pathetic.

The way he said you had your whole life ahead of you, and he’d already lived his. The way he never looked back.

“Sure you’re alright?” your dad asked, voice dipping into something softer. “You seem kinda… far away.”

You blinked, smiled again, this time with teeth. “I’m fine. Just really happy. And maybe a little tipsy.”

You added a giggle on top, like a cherry.

Then you kissed his cheek and slipped toward the bathroom. The door clicked shut behind you like a final note.

You pressed both palms to the edge of the sink, bracing yourself like the floor might give out. The mirror in front of you offered no comfort, just your own face, too aware of how carefully you’d prepared for this night.

The dress was the one he liked. He told you once, offhandedly, that it drove him crazy. Said he worried all the “boys” would trip over their own feet trying to stare.Your lips curled at the memory, though it hurt.

Nico had done your makeup. Nothing too loud, just enough to make your eyes look bigger, brighter. Like a version of yourself you could almost believe. A single tear slid down your cheek, catching your mascara on its way down, leaving behind a delicate black streak. Like a special effect in a Hollywood movie. The kind where the girl falls apart beautifully. You wiped it away with the edge of your thumb, careful not to smudge the rest.

Heartbreak wasn’t new. You’d had college flings, boys with kind smiles and forgettable names. But none of them had ever looked at you like Joel did.

No one had touched you like he had, hands firm, reverent, like your body was a song he didn’t want to forget the words to. No one had kissed you slow, full of guilt and wanting, like he did when the door was locked and the world was far away.

And no one had ended it like he did either.

You still remembered the last time. His front door already cracked open, his jaw tight. The way he rubbed his face like he was trying to wake up from something.

“This has to stop,” he’d said. Like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

You begged. You didn’t even try to hide it.

Asked why.

He said the words you already knew: the age, your dad, the life you were still building and the one he’d already spent.

You could still feel the echo of that moment in your ribs.

And now here you were—at a birthday part you didn’t want, in a dress you picked for a man who said goodbye, trying to hold your body together in a bathroom that smelled like beer and old soap. You dabbed at the corners of your eyes one last time and forced yourself to breathe. Then you opened the door.

The noise hit you like a wave—laughter, clinking bottles, bass thrumming low through the floor. Your father was waving at someone near the entrance, half-shouting over the music. “Look who finally showed up!”

But you didn’t need to look. You felt it. The air changed. He always did that—shifted the atmosphere like some kind of storm front. You turned, slow, and there he was.

Joel Miller.

That flannel—his flannel—was the one you’d picked out for him once, at some small store on a rainy afternoon. He wore it like he didn’t even realize. Like he wasn’t still wrapped in the memory of you. He didn’t look at you at first. But you could feel his eyes—skimming the room, skipping over you, then circling back. Your throat tightened. Like you’d swallowed a stone. One of those heavy ones that lined the edge of your dad’s backyard pond.

Still, you moved. Like prey too stunned to know it was walking toward the hunter.

He stepped forward, finally meeting your gaze. And you could see it, something behind the eyes. Regret, maybe. Or worse: want.

“Hey, kid,” he said, soft. “Another year older, huh? Happy birthday.”

He held out a hand like you were strangers meeting at a dinner party.

You took it. Shook it. A nod was all you could manage.

“I uh—got you a present,” he said, clearing his throat. “It’s out in the truck. You got a second?”

He scratched the back of his neck. He couldn’t look at you when he said it.

Joel Miller, nervous. What a sight.

You wanted to scream. To tell him no, that you didn’t need whatever apology-shaped object he’d left on his passenger seat. That you were doing fine, thank you very much. That he could go live his grown man life and leave you in peace.

But instead, you nodded. “Sure.”

He turned, walked through the crowd. You followed—threading your way past your friends, smiling too hard, touching shoulders like you belonged, like you weren’t unraveling at the seams.

—

Outside, it was quiet. Not peaceful, just still. A hoot echoed in the distance. An owl, or whatever fucking kind of bird thought it was a good idea to sing its heart out in the middle of the night. The gravel crunched beneath Joel’s boots—slow, steady, heavy. Not once did he glance back to check if you were following. Not once did he slow down.

So you trailed behind him, obedient and ridiculous, like some loyal dog too stupid to realize it had been left behind weeks ago.

His truck was parked in the back lot, tucked between two tall trees like it didn’t want to be found. Finally, he stopped. Turned. Looked. So you did the same. Stopped. Turned. Looked. Like two strangers in a standoff, unsure of what to say now that the war had already been lost.

“You’re bein’ distant,” he muttered. No soft greetings, no dad-approved handshakes, no pretending this was casual.

He had that voice again, the one he used only with you. Lower. Quieter. Trying to sound gentle, like you were a thing that might break. And god, you hated it. Or maybe you didn’t.

“Am I?” you snapped, arms crossed over your chest like armor. “Guess I didn’t notice, what with all the life I’ve been so busy living lately.”

It was early autumn, the kind of cold that seeps through your dress and sinks straight into your bones. You hugged yourself tighter, trying to hold in the warmth, or whatever scraps of it were left.

Joel stepped to the side of the truck and popped the door. Without a word, he pulled out one of his jackets. He walked over and laid it over your shoulders like it was the most natural thing in the world.

You should’ve shrugged it off. You should’ve told him to fuck off. But it smelled like him. Smoke and cedar and wood shavings. Like safety. Like the last place you’d felt wanted.

“Thanks,” you mumbled.

He nodded once, jaw working.

“So what?” you asked. “You drag me all the way out here just to tell me I’ve been weird? Because newsflash, Joel, getting your heart broken a little tends to do that to a girl.”

You turned, ready to head back. Ready to reenter the noise and neon and pretend like you hadn’t just stood wrapped in his scent like some sad little footnote.

But then—his hand. On your wrist. Gentle, but firm. A tug, not a pull.

“Wait.” His voice cracked, soft. “Please. Just five minutes. That’s all I’m askin’. Please. Baby.”

You looked up. His eyes were wide, glassy. Begging. And goddammit, those eyes. You hated how easy they made it.

“Fuck,” he whispered, like the word hurt coming out. “You think this past month was easy for me? You think I liked avoiding you like I was made of stone? I think about you all day, every day. First thing in the morning, last thing before I sleep. And every time, I tell myself it’s wrong. That I shouldn’t. That I can’t.”

He laughed, humorless. Rubbed a hand over his face, then pinched the bridge of his nose like he was trying to make the world stop spinning.

“But still,” he continued, voice raw, “your face shows up. Everywhere. I see your eyes when I close mine, baby. I hear your voice in my head when things get quiet. I don’t know what the fuck to do about it.”

You didn’t think. Just reached for his hand, the one still half-hiding his face. Slid your fingers into his, gently lowered both to his chest. He let go. Just long enough to pull you in.

His arms wrapped around you like they’d never let go again. Tight, like he thought someone might come rip you away if he wasn’t careful. His face buried in your hair. Your cheek pressed to the soft cotton of his shirt, the beat of his heart steady and real beneath it.

Maybe you imagined it, but it felt like yours was flipping, twisting, leaping in your chest. Like it recognized something. Or someone. Maybe it was love. Or maybe it was a car crash you were finally letting happen.

You stood there for god knows how long.

There was a brief flicker in the back of your mind, someone might come looking. Nico, maybe. Or your brother. But the thought passed, unimportant.

Maybe it would’ve been easier if someone did see. If they caught you like this, wrapped in his jacket, pressed to his chest like something sacred. Then it wouldn’t be a secret anymore. It would be out, and the world would just have to deal with it.

Joel let go first. Again. He stepped back, rubbed the back of his neck like he was stalling for courage, then ducked into the truck. When he reappeared, he was holding a small box. Wrapped. Badly. Like he’d tried. Like he’d started, stopped, tried again, given up halfway through but still finished because it had to be done.

He held it out to you like it weighed something more than it should. You took it carefully. 

Bit by bit, you peeled away the paper, slow and precise, revealing a silky green box, inside a delicate silver necklace. A small green stone shimmered in the center, soft and earthy, like a forest in spring.

On the back, an initial. Your initial.

“Joel…” your voice caught in your throat. “This is—this is beautiful.”

For what felt like the hundredth time that night, your eyes filled with tears. This time, you didn’t bother wiping them away.

He took the chain from your fingers, stepping behind you. One hand reached up, brushing your hair gently to the side. His fingers skimmed over the back of your neck, and every hair on your body stood up like it had been waiting for that exact moment. Goosebumps bloomed beneath his touch. He leaned forward, carefully clipping the clasp behind your neck. His fingers were steady. Gentle. Familiar.

Then, just as gently, he guided your hair back into place, like it was something he’d done before, like he already knew the shape of you by heart.

“I made it,” he said softly, voice low near your ear. “Made it whenever I couldn’t stop thinkin’ about you. When nothing else would get you outta my head, I worked on this. Just kept imagining what it’d be like—giving it to you.”

It didn’t matter anymore. Who might see. What it meant. How much worse this would make the ache.

You couldn’t help it.

You turned—fast, reckless—and kissed him.

At first, it was soft. A whisper of lips. A question. He didn’t respond right away. Just stood there, frozen.

But then, something in him snapped. His hand shot up, fingers sinking into your hair, the other gripping your cheek like he needed to anchor himself to the moment. He kissed you back, open-mouthed, desperate. Sloppy in a way that made your knees weak. It wasn’t gentle. It wasn’t sweet.

It was need. Hot and raw and a month too late.

He walked you backward, mouth never leaving yours, hands roaming your sides like he couldn’t remember where to start. Hips, waist, thighs. He pressed into the soft skin beneath your dress, thumbs brushing the hem of your underwear, knuckles dragging across your bare skin like he couldn’t help himself. The dress rode up with every step. And just before your back could hit the cold metal of the car, he opened the door, fast and smooth, like he’d done it a hundred times before.

You fell into the back seat, breathless. The leather stuck to your skin, warm now, suffocating. You barely had a second to register it before Joel climbed in after you, mouth crashing against yours again like he was trying to memorize the taste.

“Fuck, baby,” he muttered between kisses, voice hoarse. “I missed you. I fucking missed you.”

His lips moved down to your neck, biting softly, soothing the sting with his tongue. Your hands clawed at his shoulders, nails digging through the fabric of his flannel. You felt him everywhere. His weight, his breath, the grip of his hands tracing your thighs, your ribs, the place just under your chest like he couldn’t pick what he wanted to touch most. His hips pressed into yours, slow, deliberate, like he wanted to feel the exact shape of you again. Like he was trying to remember what it felt like to have you wrapped around him, pulling him apart.

“This isn’t right,” he rasped, forehead pressed to yours, hands still running up your thighs like he couldn’t stop. “But I don’t care. I can’t stay away from you. I tried. God, I fucking  tried, Baby. My Girl.”

Your fingers tangled in his hair, tugging him back to your mouth.

“Then don’t,” you whispered. “Don’t try anymore.”

The windows had already started to fog.

Joel was above you, heavy breaths warming the space between your lips. His hands trembled slightly where they gripped your hips, like he was holding back from devouring you whole.

You reached up, brushed your fingers along the edge of his jaw. “You don’t have to—”

But he cut you off, voice gravel-dark.

“I want to.”

Then, slower—deeper. “I need to.”

He kissed your inner thigh first. Just above your knee. Then higher. Then higher again. Every touch was reverent, like he was making up for lost time. Or maybe punishing himself for the month he spent trying not to think about what you tasted like. When he got to your panties, he breathed in. Breathed. Like your scent knocked the breath from his chest.

“Jesus Christ,” he rasped, dragging them down with one hand while the other held your leg open, gently but firmly, like he wasn’t taking chances this time.

“You’re already so wet, baby. So wet for me, pretty girl.” he muttered, like it hurt him. “So fuckin’ sweet…”

And then his mouth was on you. No teasing. No slow build. He buried himself between your thighs like a man starved, like he hadn’t touched anyone in the time he was gone because there was only you. Tongue flat, wide, dragging through your folds like he wanted to live there. You gasped, head hitting the seat back, one hand scrambling for the fogged window, the other sinking into his hair.

Joel groaned—groaned—like the sound of your moan alone made him harder. He doubled down, tongue circling your clit before sucking it into his mouth, messy and obscene, the wet sounds echoing in the tight heat of the car.

“F-Fuck—Joel—”

He grunted against you, holding your thighs wide open, almost shaking with restraint as he devoured you like something holy. Like your pleasure was the only thing that existed.

You looked down at him, breath hitching, and when your eyes met, he held your stare as he licked a slow, thick stripe from your entrance to your clit again. Then—again. And again.

“You taste like a fuckin’ dream,” he murmured, voice wrecked. “My fuckin’ dream.”

You whimpered, hips bucking against his mouth. He growled and pushed them down, holding you still, not letting you move—he was in charge here, and he was going to ruin you on his tongue.

“Daddy—” The word slipped out. Not planned. Just felt. Joel froze. Just for a second. Then looked up at you, eyes dark, pupils blown wide. A slow smirk spread across his lips, chin slick with you.

“Say that again.”

You swallowed, chest heaving.

“Daddy, please…”

That was it. He lost it. His mouth was back on you, harder now, rougher, devouring your clit with filthy groans that vibrated straight through your core. His fingers joined his mouth, sliding inside you, two thick ones, curling in just the right place, dragging moans from your throat like confessions.

It was overwhelming. Hot and wet and frantic. Like he couldn’t stop even if he wanted to. And you didn’t want him to stop. Your body tightened, muscles trembling, orgasm building fast—too fast.

“Joel—I’m gonna—”

He didn’t let up. Just pinned your hips, looked up at you with fire in his eyes, and growled:

“Come for me, babygirl. You can do it. I got you sweet girl. Come for me now..”

And you did. Your whole body arched off the seat, thighs shaking, moans spilling past your lips like prayer, like ruin. He didn’t stop. Kept licking you through it—into it—drawing every last wave from you, humming softly against your clit like he wanted you to feel his pleasure too.

Only when your body slumped, boneless and wrecked, did he finally lift his head.

“You always taste this fuckin’ good?” he muttered, voice low and raw. “I fucking forgot what it felt like to be alive.”

The air inside the truck had gone heavy, thick with heat and breath and the weight of every second spent apart.

Joel sat back on his heels between your thighs, chest heaving, hair a little wild. He looked ruined already, and he hadn’t even fucked you yet. Your dress was still bunched at your waist, his jacket falling off one shoulder. The necklace he made you rested just above the swell of your chest, glinting in the dim cabin light. He looked at you like it hurt. Like you were too much and not enough all at once.

“I missed you,” he said, almost a whisper. “I missed you so fuckin’ bad it made me mean.”

You reached up, cupped his face, your thumb grazing that little crease beside his mouth. “Then do something about it.”

His eyes flickered, something bright, something dangerous. Then he moved.

He crawled over you, slow, like he was savoring it. The way your body opened for him. The way your knees spread wide, trembling, eager. He kissed you again, this time unhurried, deep, almost lazy. Like he had all the time in the world to ruin you. His cock pressed hard against your thigh, hot and heavy. You reached down to wrap your hand around him, stroking slowly, loving the way his breath hitched in your mouth.

“Fuck,” he muttered, breaking the kiss. “You’re gonna kill me.”

“No,” you whispered, guiding him lower. “Just bring you back to life.”

Joel braced one hand beside your head, the other gripping your thigh, dragging it around his waist. You felt the thick head of him nudge your entrance—hot, solid, perfect.

He didn’t push in yet. Just stayed there.

“Tell me you want this,” he said, voice hoarse. “Tell me to do it.”

You blinked up at him, lips parted, breath shaky. “I want it. I want you. Please, Joel. Please just fucking make yours again”

That was all he needed.

He pushed in slowly, inch by inch, stretching you open in a way that made your eyes roll back, mouth falling open in a silent moan. He was big. He always was. And you felt every single bit of him.

“Jesus fuckin’ Christ,” he hissed through gritted teeth. “You feel even tighter than I remembered.”

Your fingers clutched at his shoulders, nails digging into fabric and skin as he bottomed out, hips flush with yours. He stilled there, letting you adjust, forehead pressed against yours.

The silence stretched. Breathless. Electric.

He started to move. Slow at first, dragging his cock out until just the tip remained before slamming back in with a groan that made your whole body throb.

“Joel—”

He growled into your ear. “You gonna take it all, babygirl? Gonna take everything I give you? Fucking you with my big dick that you’re taking so well?”

You nodded helplessly, back arching, legs wrapping tighter around him as he started to fuck you in earnest. Rough, deep, steady. Every thrust deliberate. No teasing now. No games. Just months of need finally boiling over.

“Fucked my hand for weeks thinkin’ about this pussy,” he rasped, biting down on your neck, licking over the mark he left. “But it wasn’t enough. It’s never enough.”

You whimpered, voice breaking. “Joel—please—harder—”

He obliged.

The rhythm turned punishing, his hips slamming into yours, the seat creaking beneath you, the windows fogged with sweat and heat and sin.

“Such a dirty fuckin’ girl,” he muttered. “Gettin’ fucked in the backseat like this, lettin’ Daddy make a mess of you. While everyone else is inside waiting for the birthday girl. She’s underneath me like a pretty little slut. This is probably the only birthday present you wanted huh?”

You moaned at the magic  word, loud, needy, and he smiled against your throat, feral and proud.

“That’s it,” he growled. “Say it again.”

“Daddy—”

He grabbed your wrists, pinning them above your head, holding you in place as he drove into you harder, deeper, angling his hips to hit that perfect spot that had you writhing under him.

“You like that, don’t you?” he whispered, kissing the corner of your mouth. “Being Daddy’s little fucktoy. You gonna let me fill you up?”

You choked out a sound, half sob, half moan—nodding frantically. “Yes—fuck, yes—please, I want it. Wanna feel you inside me. Making me feel so good”

He reached between your bodies, fingers finding your clit and rubbing it fast and rough, just the way he knew you liked. You were close, so close, your whole body coiling tighter, slick and soaked and made for him.

“I wanna feel you come, baby,” he grunted. “Wanna feel this pretty cunt milk my cock while I fill it up. Show me how much you missed me.”

That was it.

You shattered beneath him, crying out his name, whole body locking up as your orgasm crashed through you, leaving you shaking and gasping. Joel cursed, low and filthy, and then came inside you with a broken moan, cock pulsing deep as he held you tight, like he could press his heart right into your chest. He didn’t move. Just stayed there, breathing hard, face buried in your neck, whispering your name like a promise.

The truck was quiet now. Not silent, there was the sound of rain tapping softly on the roof, the distant hum of late-night traffic somewhere beyond the trees. But inside, the noise had stilled. Joel sat beside you, one hand resting on your thigh. His touch was light, absentminded, like he didn’t even realize he was doing it. His thumb stroked in lazy circles over your skin, slow and steady, grounding. Your dress was rumpled, pushed halfway down your hips, his jacket still hanging from your shoulders. The air smelled like sex and sweat and his cologne.

You leaned your head against the window, skin cooling, breath finally evening out. Neither of you spoke.

The moment didn’t ask for words. It just was. Heavy and warm and full of something unspoken. You looked down at your chest, fingers finding the delicate silver chain. The necklace still sat there, the green stone catching the soft overhead light. Your initial pressed against your skin like it belonged there. You ran your fingertip over it, slow, thoughtful.

Joel saw. He didn’t say anything right away, just watched your hand, watched the way you touched something he made for you. Something he'd thought about while pretending he didn’t care.

Then, softly, almost like he was afraid the words might scare you away, he said, “Happy birthday.”

You looked at him. You smiled, small and real, the corners of your lips curling..

“Thanks,” you whispered.

He gave a small nod. Barely a movement. But he didn’t look away. Not this time. And you didn’t push. Didn’t ask what this meant. Didn’t ask if things were different now. You just sat there, legs tangled, his jacket around your shoulders and his come still inside you, and knew.

He was here. And he wasn’t going anywhere, not tonight.

—-

You stepped out of the truck first, legs still a little unsteady, dress sticking to your skin in places, hair slightly mussed from Joel’s hands, his mouth, his body. The air outside had cooled even more, autumn crisp and still. You inhaled, deeper than you meant to, like the moment needed anchoring. Joel came around the side of the truck and pulled the door shut behind him, eyes scanning the ground for a second before they lifted to meet yours. His face had softened, not entirely, but enough that you saw the shift. Something in his expression you hadn’t seen in weeks. A quiet, wordless promise: I'm here.

Neither of you said anything as you started walking back toward the bar. Gravel crunched beneath your shoes again, the low hum of music getting louder with every step. You adjusted his jacket around your shoulders, still warm from his body, and smoothed your fingers once more over the necklace resting just below your collarbone. The stone felt heavier now. Important.

Inside, the bar was just as loud and golden and smoky as you left it. The party hadn’t missed a beat. People were laughing over half-empty drinks, a group were now playing darts and heckling each other mercilessly, and your brother was waving a sparkler around in the corner with two girls you didn’t know. But as soon as you crossed the threshold, the attention shifted.

“There you are!” someone called from across the room. Riley, of course. Loud and nosy and already half a bottle deep. “Where the hell did you disappear to?”

You froze just slightly, lips parted, heat already rushing to your cheeks. Joel brushed past you then, moving through the crowd with a casualness that only just masked the tension in his shoulders. His hair was a little wild, his shirt untucked at the back, and there was still the faintest pink at the tips of his ears.

And then Nico joines. He took one look at Joel. Then at you. His eyes narrowed. Slowly. Like a cartoon villain putting two and two together. And then he screeched.

 “OH MY GOD—”

Your head snapped toward him, a hand shooting up, eyes wide. “Shut the fuck up.” You said it with all the fake venom you could manage, but the smile curling at the corner of your mouth betrayed you instantly. Riley’s mouth dropped open like she was about to explode, but she held it in, barely, eyes twinkling like she’d just been handed the juiciest gossip of her life. And she probably was.

You slipped past her quickly, cheeks burning, pretending to busy yourself with a forgotten drink someone handed you. Then the music changed, softened into a rhythm you recognized too late.

A cake appeared out of nowhere, glowing with too many candles. Someone dimmed the lights, and then, everyone was singing.

Happy birthday to you…

It was out of tune, too loud, voices competing for attention, but there was something warm and wonderful about it anyway.

You turned slowly, laughing through your mortification, hands half-covering your face, and then—

You felt it.

Joel’s hand.

Sliding around your waist from behind, slow and deliberate, fingers resting just above your hipbone. Not claiming. Not possessive. Just there.

Steady.

You didn’t look at him. Didn’t need to. You just leaned back a little, just enough that your shoulder brushed his chest, and let yourself exist in the moment—cake and candles and noise and his hand on you like maybe, just maybe, the space between you two didn’t need to be hidden anymore.

Happy birthday, dear you…

The song ended in applause, laughter, someone accidentally knocking over a beer. You didn’t hear much of it.

You just closed your eyes for a second. Smiled.

And felt the weight of his fingers tighten, just slightly, at your waist.

TL 🏷️: @fallout-girl219 , @glitterspark

[hexhomos]

little random but i really appreciate your dissections and analysis of Mel mainly bc the fandom either adore her and won't admit she is a flawed character and get over defensive when you call her out, or straight up hate her and make her out to be completely evil.

Mel is written as morally grey for a reason and when ppl try to act like she was morally correct in everything she did, it goes against the whole plot. yes, she regrets most of her actions by the end of the series and is left to deal with her family's leagacy and the weight of her actions, but that doesn't undo anything she did. and her eventually starting to care about Jayce doesn't just cancel out that she manipulated him (you'd think this would be obvious)

what bothers me the most i think is meljay shippers who say Jayce mistreated her and that Mel only ever helped and care about him and aided him in rising to power politically, and how she was so understanding of Jayce's and Viktor's friendship. yes, encouraging methods of political corruption in order to gain more power is so caring and kind of her! ❤️

Mel might've told Jayce to go spend time with Viktor after finding out he was ill, but the one time in the show she interacted with Viktor was... prejudiced to say the least. she never directly spoke to or answered Viktor, and the expression on her face any time she looked over at Viktor was so clearly full of dislike. it shocks me ppl still believe Mel and Viktor could get along and respect one another, especially romantically. no way.

anyways, sorry for the rant. just tired of how many bad takes there are in this fandom and very fond of your account lol

you are right and you SHOULD say it re: that oft repeated argument about her "only wanting what's best for him" bothers me so much. Its just... weirdly patronizing and spousing pro-piltover nationalism every time i see it being brought up. "She's doing what anyone would do/what is best for the city!" IDK MAN I AM NOT ROCKING WITH THAT. Im not an ubercapitalist. I don't think any of that was the good option actually lol. Probably I hate piltover too much to humor these arguments but from day 1 we are shown this is a city of immense class inequality in which the elite few holds all the power and all the profit gains at the cost of everyone else's submission and humanity. (Not for nothing: these are also the classic old guard Noxian tenets of supremacy. That's how they do colonization.)

The interactions Mel has with Jayce for majority of the series, before she watches that bomb come in and has her rapid onset change of heart, are her talking about how investors want his work and how she can use his discovery to advance this city (which is already built on exploitation!) or instigating his rise to power as a new ringleader for the council's rigged mercantile operations, and this is just not good or heroic in any way to me. This isn't love either, it's industrial convenience. The fact that she's conflicted by the end doesn't cancel these actions out! Jayce realizes that he's been used in ways he strongly disagrees with and any the affection in that dynamic vanishes instantly. The time he spends in isolation replaying his mistakes in that cave has an emphasis on mel/heimerdinger's voice on the council too, all of his regrets with blindly following someone else's vision or disappointing an idol he held in high regards.

And Jayce DOES care about the state of the cities, or he did before the writers forgot: He's the one who pleads for Zaun's independence at the end of season 1! He's the one who spent all his life trying to work towards improving the lives of common people, giving them the miracles they've been denied!

Viktor is a fucking nobody. He is extremely worthless in the eyes of the piltovan upper crust, only kept around on the merits working with Jayce have afforded him; and they still don't care. They're probably hoping he dies quicker. We *SEE* him being singled out and alienated during that weapons discussion where Mel is pleading for Jayce to think about "protecting his people" (only piltovans, never, ever zaunites- protecting piltovans against the zaunite menace.) and Viktor is set off at that whole exchange because it doesn't matter how loud he screams, these people can just tune him off and pretend he doesn't exist anyway. It's what they're used to doing. It drives me insane!!!!! His indignation is extremely under-explored and very inline with his act1 speech of feeling like an undesirable presence in piltover and having to push through with the grit of his teeth. It's open faced classism and I still see people pretending it didn't happen. Fandom makes all of these characters FAR less interesting by defanging them. The heart is in the friction and in the ugliness of them fucking up because they have very, very different conceptions of "utopia" - and some of those utopias require the death of the other characters present.

A lot of the Arcane character arcs have to do with realizing the above, and weighing if the sacrifice is worth the risk. Sometimes it turns out their utopias were shit.

[heartmix]

Dear Santa - LH44

Pairing: Lewis Hamilton x driver!reader

Word Count: 1.5k+

Warning: use of the word hell

Twelve Fics of Christmas - Wish List

A/N: today was the last race :(

F1 Masterlist / Masterlist

The Red Bull social media team was certainly an interesting group of people. The amount of content they pumped out of you and Max was comical. Sometimes, a mindless video they made did numbers on TikTok. They somehow convinced Max to do whatever silly video they had planned. You, on the other hand, didn't mind the media aspect of the job. It was why you and Max sat in hospitality with Christmas-themed paper and red pens in front of you. 

"Are we writing letters to Santa?" Max asked eyeing out the team behind the camera. 

"Yup! Try to be honest with this one."

"I think we're the wrong demographic for this." You laughed, eyeing the candy cane border of the paper, as Max laughed beside you instantly picking up on what you were hinting at. 

"This isn't only for kids." a media personnel said.

"I wasn't talking in that sense." You smirked making Max bark out another laugh. "We cannot keep that in."

"Humor us, please." At that, you shrugged your shoulders, thinking, "Why not?" It was just a silly little video, and maybe it would keep the Santa mystery alive for kids who watched it. 

"I don't even know where to start." You really did try to think of things you wanted from 'Santa'. Could Santa gift you a Cartier Love Bracelet or a new car that you could drive and win every Sunday? 

Turning to Max you saw that he already started writing some stuff down. Why not write down some things you've been eyeing out on getting, not like it was going to get gifted to you. After about 10 minutes the team wrapped up the video saying it would do numbers when they released it during the off-season for Christmas. 

"Do I give this to you guys or?" You asked referring to the 'letter to Santa.'

"No you guys can take it." They said before bidding you a farewell. 

Since you had no pockets and there were no trash cans around you needed to carry it around for the majority of the day or until there was a trashcan. Throughout the day the letter went everywhere, meetings, data analysis, and more media content. Honestly, you forgot what the piece of paper was. Somewhere throughout the day, it was forgotten somewhere amidst all the chaos. Not that it was memorable in the slightest. 

The piece of paper was found in one of the outdoor catering areas. Lewis was looking for an open table to sit at and when he found one he found your list. At first, he was confused at the kiddy-looking paper, but upon closer examination, he saw that it belonged to you. It must have been for a video because why else would you be writing a wish list? To Santa no less. 

The more he read it, he couldn't help but feel a weird desire brewing inside him. The urge to buy all of the things on your list. Sure you could buy all of this for yourself and probably only wrote these things for whatever video they had you do, but he couldn't help but feel like you actually wanted these things and you were just too humble to get it for yourself. Why not gift them, after all, you deserved it for one hell of a season and just because of the warmth you brought to the paddock. 

When the week of Christmas rolled around you started cleaning your whole apartment to be ready for when your folks came. In the middle of it all the front desk rang you saying there were a plethora of packages waiting for you. To your knowledge, you didn't order anything and no one said they were bringing anything. 

"All of this is for you." The doorman gestured to the pill of bags on the trolly. What the actual hell was all of this?

"Umm, thanks." You said with a confused smile while you trailed it up the elevator.

When you got into your apartment, you recognized what all the bags were. They were all things from your wish list. This had to be some joke. Sure you revealed the list on the video, but there were a selected few who knew where you lived. No way Red Bull would get all of this, they weren't that nice. One by one you pulled the gifts out of the bag, part of you was curious but you honestly just wanted to find out if there was any clue as to who sent them. 

When you got down to the last bag it was a small box, still no sign of a card or hint. Opening the box it was a pair of keys, but not any keys, it was a set of Ferrari keys. There was absolutely no way someone gifted you the most expensive item on that list. This had to be someone who saw the list because they didn't allow you to say it in the video. A note was also in the box, your first clue as to who caused all of this. 

'Merry Christmas, come see your car' - L

L? Who the hell was L? Was L referring to a first or last name? It did not help with narrowing down people, there were plenty of people you knew who had L as their first or last name. Suddenly it clicked, 'come see your car'. There had to be someone waiting, the same someone who brought all these gifts. Quickly you rushed down, not forgetting the keys. Whoever the hell this person is was in for it. 

Rushing out of your apartment complex you looked around the streets for any sign of a Ferrari car. Unfortunately, this was Monaco so you'd have to go search for your specific car. It didn't take you long to find, with one click of the button of your car keys you heard the car at the end of the street. Rushing over you stopped in your tracks, not because of the beauty of the red car, but because of who was leaning against it. 

"Lewis?"

"Took longer than I expected." He said with a smirk sliding off the side of the car to come face to face with you. He took in your shocked expression and loved every second of it.

Still in disbelief and in the middle of processing everything you couldn't help but blurt out, "You're L?"

"Who else did you think it was?"

At that, there was no holding back anymore, "What are you doing? Are you crazy? Did you really get me every single thing on that list?" 

"It's just a little Christmas present." He shrugged like it was no big deal. It probably didn't even dent his bank account but the gesture was still extravagant. You wouldn't be surprised if Ferrari gave him the car for free. 

"How did you know I wanted a Ferrari? They didn't put that in the video?"

"Who said I did this because of the video?" Now you were back to being confused. If he didn't watch the video how did he know you wanted all of this? It was only then he held up a familiar piece of paper. No way.

"You found my list?"

"It's cute. I thought it was a fan's, but your name was signed at the bottom." He opened the folded paper to show that you indeed sign your name at the bottom of the heart. That part was forgotten about.

"It was just for a silly video."

"So you're telling me you don't like anything you got?" He challenged you, almost daring you to deny you didn't want it. He's been seeing the way you've been eyeing the car every few seconds. 

Letting out a sigh and a pout you confessed, "No no, I love everything, but Lewis you didn't have to do this."

"Well, I wanted to. You deserve all of this and I know you wouldn't get it for yourself. Too humble of a person." 

"I don't even know what to say, I mean I didn't get you anything. How can I ever repay you?"

"Well, there is one thing on my wish list." He hummed out. You were way too distracted to find out how to pay him back you didn't notice the grin that graced his lips. 

"What do you want? I swear I'll get it for you." At this point no matter how expensive or outlandish it was, he was getting his gift. 

"A date."

"A date?" 

"Yeah, with you." He couldn't be serious. Sure you both were great friends and he welcomed you with open arms when you started in F1, but there was no way you saw this coming. You didn't even think he looked at you in that sense. There was no denying that you weren't attracted to him, I mean he was THE Lewis Hamilton. 

"Are you serious?"

"You said you'd get me the last thing on my list and that's a date with you." Seeing as you weren't pulling away and there was a hint of amusement in your eyes he stepped forward taking your hand in his.

"Did you do all of this just to get a date out of me?" 

"Maybe." Now it was your turn to have a grin on your face. He's stupidly ridiculous but that's what's great about him. How could you turn him down?

"Well, how can I say no? I mean it's a fair trade." you hummed with a smile. He couldn't help the huge smile coming from his lips at the agreement. 

"Exactly. So why don't we take the car for a spin and call it our first."

[aesethewitch]

The questions I ask myself, roughly in this order, to interpret any* tarot spread:

How did the cards appear? Because I shuffle for jumpers, it matters whether cards pop from the deck together. They form pairs (or groups) which have stronger connections to each other than other cards in the spread.

What types of cards are on the field? Majors? Minors? All numerical cards? Court cards? What suits? What numbers? This is where I consider the raw, memorized meaning of individual cards and the archetypes they represent.

Are there obvious patterns or cadences in the order? Think like poetry, ABAB or AABB, but with the types of cards. In a hand of five, it's interesting if the order is Major-Minor-Major-Minor-Major. Or maybe the cards are in a descending numerical order, Nine-Eight-Seven-Six-Five. Or, perhaps Nine-Eight-Six-Five-Four -- the jump in the pattern matters.

Are there repeating numbers or suits? Repetition strengthens the significance of a number's or suit's meaning.

Are there repeating motifs in the card art? Again, repetition strengthens the significance. This includes colors, background details, people, animals, and so forth.

Where are figures in the art looking? Are they looking at other cards? At each other? Away from each other? The direction of figures' attention directs where that card's focus might be.

Is there a cohesion or flow in the spread, or is it interrupted and disorganized? Some spreads flow smoothly left to right, while others show disruption and a lack of coherency. This question looks a the spread as a whole again after all other questions have been asked to consider all elements together.

Does it make sense? Do the cards answer the question being asked? How do they apply? Is there something missing? Is there a deeper meaning to delve into? Do I need clarifiers? Do I need to try again with new cards? Can I explain these cards to the querent and have them understand my meaning?

And then I write out my analysis! There's obviously more to it than this, with a ton of nuance at every step, and I could probably write a whole essay about any individual part of this... and I probably still will, honestly. (And I started to, then decided to just write up a little list instead, lmao.)

*May not work for some tarot spreads, depending on the style.

[centaurianthropology]

Thoughts and Probably Overly-Thorough Analysis on Adaptation in ‘Murderbot’ Episodes 1 and 2

After discussing adapting a very internal book series to the screen in this post, I was excited to actually get to watch how the show tackled visually trying to tell the story, especially given that the episodes are only approximately 30 minutes long.  That is TIGHT, and requires some tight scripting to establish the world, the characters, and the stakes. 

So, non-spoiler thoughts above the cut: I liked it!  I feel like the vibe is right, while changing some necessary things to better establish the world and several important concepts for non-readers.  The first scene felt a little clunky as far as pacing/info-dumping/character intro went, but after that I do feel like the pace evened out into something I genuinely found enjoyable.  There is a lot of effort to start defining cultures, concepts, and characters, and by and large I think it succeeded.  I have a few changes I might question, but we’re way too early in the season for me to feel comfortable judging them.  So overall, as someone who has read the books and enjoys seeing how things have to change to adapt to a different storytelling medium?  I think it’s overall successful, particularly as the first two episodes are clearly the setup episodes (almost always the hardest episodes to really nail during adaptation). 

If you’re looking for a 1:1 translation of the books, and if you’re really sensitive to changing the original, this is probably not going to be the show for you.  Luckily, there are great books and audiobooks still there for you!  But if you’re open to the changes, if your vision of these books and these character is flexible and you might even be excited to see a different version than the one already told, you will hopefully find it as fun a ride as I did.

By the end of episode two, particularly after some really great scenes featuring Alexander Skarsgard (whose portrayal of Murderbot completely won me over) and David Dastmalchian (Gurathin was always one of my favorites, and he is doing such interesting things to deepen the character), I am hooked.

More spoilery thoughts on the episodes below!

So, what do you have to do in intro episodes?  You have to introduce characters, situation and, in speculative fiction, also concepts and setting.  And for half-hour sci-fi episodes you’re almost certainly requiring a lot of shorthand, a lot of quick ways to get information across, a lot of info in as little time as possible.  Both of the first episodes dropped at once, and that’s honestly good, because they more or less function as the introductory two-parter before the action kicks off. 

The pacing is fairly leisurely, focused on introducing us to the world, the characters, and how they got to the place they are for the story.  And even after the intros, I do feel like we will probably be devoting more time to giving some of the more underserved characters more expansive moments.  But for having to do a lot in about an hour’s worth of television, I think they accomplished what they set out to do with fairly minimal clunkiness.

S1E1: ‘FreeCommerce’

That said the initial scene is a bit clunky.  I get why it was necessary.  We have to establish several big concepts in a hurry: what a SecUnit is, what they are generally used for, a sense of the Corporation Rim, and the hacked governor module that lies as the basis of the whole story going forward.  Those are big sci-fi concepts to front-load, and I do think the scene could have maybe taken one more pass through editing to not make it feel quite so rushed (a few pauses and beats here and there would have been appreciated), but I also understand that the sense was likely to get the information dump over quickly to get on with the story.  So, less elegant than one might hope, but not a deal-breaker by any means.  Information conveyed, moving on.

The introduction to the PresAux team, in my opinion, goes a lot better.  Largely because the writers play it out over multiple scenes and scenarios, giving us perspectives on these characters in three very different situations (at Port FreeCommerce, setting up their base, and facing their first real threat in the story).  I think hard-cutting to the actual beginning of ‘All Systems Red’ briefly, before flashing back to show the team having to rent Murderbot is a great choice.  We get the nod to the book-readers for the in medias res cold open of ‘All Systems Red’, while still going back to help the non-readers really understand who these people are and how they got here.

Playing up the hippie vibes of the team is smart visual and storytelling shorthand.  We immediately get a good sense that they don’t quite fit in with the Corporation Rim.  I love that it’s pointed out that their clothing is hand made, that there are patterns and textures, that there is jewelry and accessories and fun bags.  Put that against the Company’s sales reps’ tech-bro synthetic aesthetics, and it works!  My one wish would have been that the sales reps were all a little more artificially hot, to really drive home how unmakeuped and natural the PresAux team looks.  But still, a solid contrast to let us know that these are not your usual group of spacefarers.

And it continues throughout negotiations, leading up to the humming consesus circle.  Again, I think this is a great choice, because it serves multiple purposes all at once.  We can feel how different their society is to the one that Murderbot understands, and even sets them apart from our culture, which unfortunately is a lot more like Corporation Rim culture than Preservation. 

And this, I think, is why amplifying the hippie commune vibes of these characters is such a great choice: we as the audience are mostly in Murderbot’s head, so PresAux comes off the way that it initially sees them.  They seem weird, quirky, naive.  And yet, I believe that throughout the series both Murderbot and we will have our expectations challenged.  Why can’t people be emotionally open, trusting, and kind, even be fairly far-out and kooky, and still be highly competent, intelligent individuals who manage to hold their own under difficult circumstances.  In our own particular cultural moment, earnestness and emotional openness and the general hopeful and sweet vibes of the Preservation team is viewed as “cringe”.  I think there are probably going to be some viewers who look at them and want them to be some cool, cynical rebel college communists rather than drum-circle having hippies who love decorating their surroundings, embroidering, and jewelry making.  But I am very hopeful that, over the course of the season, we are shown how much their culture of openness, trust, and kindness can be a strength.  We might be asked to confront our own biases against earnestness and ‘quirkiness’, which could blind us to how competent these people are, much as Murderbot itself was initially blinded.

The scene on Port FreeCommerce serves as our introduction to the vibes of at least some of the individual members of PresAux as well.  Pin-Lee is running point in negotiations, so we know they’re someone who either has negotiating, business, or legal expertise (something that is difficult to establish through the rest of the story).  Dr. Mensah is clearly in charge, but has no desire to make unilateral decisions.  She takes other opinions into account (even if she ultimately disagrees with them), states her philosophical and moral objections to SecUnits clearly, but still acts as a realist: if they are going to do this survey, they have to cooperate with the Company.  The hellish compromise.

But because the whole team essentially has to compromise their morals and ethics to do this survey the way that the Company is insisting it get done (renting what is essentially mandatory slave labor), she makes sure that her entire team agrees with her before signing their contact.  We see that the team is very cooperative, but Gurathin is a bit of an awkward outsider (though immediately invited to be an insider by Ratthi, so we also get a sense of his open and warm nature), although at this point in the episode we don’t know why he doesn’t seem to fit as seamlessly as the others.

Moving to the survey planet and the team’s habitat is also a scene that pulls a lot of multilayered weight.  It establishes all the important components of the habitat, it establishes Murderbot’s disgust of human bodily functions, and further expands on the team and how Muderbot responds to them.  These are important moments because these are the initial impressions that will go on to be confirmed or subverted throughout the season.  While it’s a bit on the nose to just do a verbal intro of everyone, it’s also a good use of time in a 30-minute episode to just get everyone’s names out there, base-level relationships, jobs, and at least one individual facet of them (Mensah has 80 million seven children, Arada and Pin-Lee are married but might be going through a bit of a rough patch, Ratthi flirts with All The Things, Gurathin is an augmented human, and Bharadwaj is hoarding soap for unknown reasons).  We see them decorating their habitat, growing plants inside, playing music (again, more cultural establishment and ways of making both Murderbot and the audience initially confused by this bunch), and being … really sweet with one another, honestly.  I felt immediately endeared to them and wanted to know more (why are you hoarding soap, Bharadwaj??).  We get tiny character beats like Arada running up the stairs to call dibs on rooms, followed by Ratthi and Pin-Lee, and we get a moment of Pin-Lee pausing as they run past SecUnit to smile at it and seem to try to engage with it, if only briefly.  We get Ratthi painting the habitat, and Gurathin fretting over if the paint washes off (they’re never getting their deposit back …).

We also get that Murderbot Does Not Want to Be Here, and see it grappling with humanity as a whole.  It seems to find actual human relationships offputting and confusing, but loves the melodramatic interpretations of relationships on ‘Sanctuary Moon’.  Reality makes it deeply uncomfortable, but unreality has become its comfort and what it mostly spends its time focused on.  Through its avoidance of them and their oddities, we get a sense both of its fear of being found out, and we get a Chekhov’s gun of emotional attachment.  It doesn’t want it, but it’s also deeply fascinated by its facsimile.  And given how open and loving this group seems to be in general (with one notable and delightfully bitchy exception, love you Gurathin), we can already see how it’s going to be loved whether it wants to be or not.

The final establishment of character, situation, and place, occurs with the return to the cold open of ‘All Systems Red’, now armed with enough information to actually care at least somewhat when Bharadwaj gets attacked by the worm, as well as somewhat understanding why she and Arada might initially not listen to the SecUnit (they know it’s refurbished and all the rest of their Company equipment is a bit shit, they’re scientists excited about their work, the planet was rated safe). 

The worm attack works fairly well.  The CG of Murderbot jumping down feels a bit floaty, but as soon as it closes in for combat the visual effects are on point, and the pacing of the scene is frantic and fun.  The use of the ‘Sanctuary Moon’ clip to give Murderbot a means of trying to comfort Arada to get her walking was great, and it was really this scene that sold me on Alexander Skarsgard as Murderbot.  After hearing its snarky internal monologue, hearing the awkwardness of its actual attempts at a social interaction is delightful!  Internal-Monologue!Murderbot is quippy and witty and sarcastic.  Outside!SecUnit is awkwardness and social anxiety personified.  And I feel like this disconnect can really hit home for a lot of people with bad social anxiety. 

This is also important to establish the initial character reactions to a majorly tramatic and shocking moment for them.  Arada goes into shock, but after that gets forceful and defensive of both SecUnit and her field of study (her lines about animals were actually great, and really set her apart in her own unique way). 

Pin-Lee demands action.  They can get loud and abrasive, and they clearly need to have control over their circumstances or they start to get very twitchy, but they are also caring, careful to correct themself when they say something that could be genuinely insulting. 

Ratthi is concerned for everyone, but also has a base-level chill nature that means he can’t stay worked up to the intensity that others can.  It makes him a sweet and leveling presence in tense scenes. 

Gurathin has to be useful.  He preps the medbay.  He stays with Bharadwaj until she wakes up, monitoring her vitals and the equipment, even though there isn’t much he can do.  But the equipment is his thing.  The tech is his thing, and he’s going to make it work.  Which is why, of course, he’s also the first to notice something is off with their SecUnit.  Not only is he focused on the equipment (and at this point viewing SecUnit more as faulty equipment than a person), but we find out that he’s the only one of the team who might have actually had prior experience with SecUnits, and whatever it was, it wasn’t good.

Mensah stays cool under fire, staying at the heart of the discussion while taking everyone’s thoughts and feelings into account.  She keeps everyone directed, focused, and calm.  And then, when she is alone, she falls apart, slipping into a full-blown panic attack over almost losing Bharadwaj.  And honestly?  I love them giving her a panic disorder.  Giving a character a panic disorder while still showing that she is competent, a respected leader, and tries her damndest to push through the panic to reassure and care for her people is a lovely touch. 

With these three data points we actually get a good baseline for these characters in their element, out of their element, and in danger.  They already feel human and flawed, despite not knowing any of them deeply yet.  It also means that we’re already able to read more into their interactions than Murderbot is grasping quite yet.  After all, it’s not great at this social thing, and it REALLY doesn’t get them and their culture.

This gets highlighted when it has to come out and talk to the team out of its armor.  Again, Alexander Skarsgard does a fantastic job of radiating the incredible social anxiety of a being that would vastly prefer to only ever have to interact with other people safely behind a helmet.  Being so exposed, with its feet and its face and its hands all on gangly display in one of the crew jumpsuits, is so clearly an existential nightmare to it.  And the more most of the team try to thank it, welcome it, treat it like a person, the more uncomfortable it becomes.  The speech is hilarious, but also a great bit of disconnect between its social comfort zone and that of the Preservation team.  And in that moment, we realize that, even if some of them are trying to embrace it, to invite it to be more integrated with them, to give it a chance, they understand Muderbot as little as Murderbot understands them.

I have seen some people not liking part of this scene because Arada misgenders Murderbot by calling it ‘he’, but I think this is actually an important part of character building for her, Murderbot, and the story.  My guess is that the writers are going to Rule Of Threes Murderbot’s pronouns, as many viewers have likely never encountered someone who uses it/its pronouns.  This scene serves as the Introduction: Arada is well-meaning, but accidentally misgenders it because she is reacting to the face she saw (as many well-meaning people can do).  Gurathin immediately and vehemently corrects her … for the wrong reasons.  He’s thinking of their SecUnit as a malfunctioning piece of equipment, while Arada is thinking of it as a human, so he is dehumanizing it.  They are both wrong, but also both a bit right.  Arada is right that Murderbot is a person, but she is wrong in immediately defaulting to Human Male when she thinks of it.  Gurathin is right in that it has no interest in being human and is, in fact, quite attached to being a construct and having no gender, but he’s wrong in treating it as equipment.  I imagine that, per the Rule of Threes, this topic will be Reinforced later, and then Confirmed in a final scene so the audience learns its pronouns properly, even audience members who might initially struggle to use the right pronouns or do the same as Arada by seeing Alexander Skarsgard and making assumptions.

And speaking of assumptions, the audience also gets its first hint that perhaps ‘Murderbot’ wasn’t simply a cool name it plucked out of the aether, but ties much more intensely into the fragments of memories it has.  We find out that SecUnits are routinely memory wiped, but a few seconds of something awful have leaked through.  It sees people screaming, running, and dying, and it has the feeling it might be responsible.  And despite its general misanthrope, it doesn’t seem at all pleased by this memory.  If anything, it seems horrified.  It’s one thing to idly speculate about killing humans, but another to realize it might well have already done precisely what all the SecUnits on the entertainment feeds do: go crazy and kill all its clients.

Introducing that memory and then having a one-on-one with Mensah is an interesting choice, because it adds layers to the scene.  She is clearly trying to thank it again, maybe reach out, but she’s also trying to figure out what’s happening with her clearly incredibly anxious SecUnit.  It’s terrified she suspects it’s hacked its governor module, but it’s also afraid she’s getting attached, which could be worse.  After all, if it’s done something awful once, there’s nothing stopping it from doing so again. 

The memories keep playing even after she leaves, and it says the same line it lifted from ‘Sanctuary Moon’ to itself: “Stay calm; it’ll be okay.  You have my word.”  It’s honestly creepy, and it’s clearly meant for the audience to read this initially as a threat to the scientists.  But looking at it again, considering how traumatized it seems to be by this fragmented memory, the line takes on an almost self-soothing quality.  Is it speaking to the people in its memory?  The PresAux team?  Itself? 

The first episode does a workmanlike and occasionally inspired job of introducing us to all the things it needed to.  And for all that this first episode is fairly direct in its storytelling, I feel like there are layers that will feel deeper on future viewing after the whole season is out.

S1E2: ‘Eye Contact’

The second half of our introduction to this show had two major jobs: reinforce themes from the first episode, deepen character beats, and get us to the point where the plot kicks off.  The show does this by splitting the episode into two subplots that both kick off with the opening scene.

We open in the hopper, and it’s clear from the first scene that this episode will, at least in part, focus on better establishing and characterizing Gurathin.  I’m hoping each of the characters gets this treatment going forward, because I really have to commend the episode for how much we learn about him throughout.  There are a lot of layers at play, both in the writing of his character and in David Dastmalchian’s performance.  This is a guy with anxiety to rival Murderbot’s, even if he can cover it better.  He’s trying to keep their conversation out of its purview, because he doesn’t trust it.  He doesn’t trust anyone outside of this small friend group he’s got, and he especially doesn’t trust anything coming from the Company.  And even though the group thinks he’s being overly paranoid, it’s really nice to see how immediately they confirm that he has good reasons for not trusting the Company, and they all love him (and Ratthi calls him “Gugu”, which … chef’s kiss).  We now get our first big hint of what makes him the outsider of the group: he’s not originally from Preservation.  As we learn later, he’s almost certainly originally from the Corporation Rim, and whatever happened to him there has fucked him up badly.

Mensah once again comes in as the tempering force.  She mentions her conversation with SecUnit.  She wanted to see if she could trust it, and she FEELS like she can, but THINKS they should be cautious.  I like this slight change from the books, as all the Preservation natives feel the immediate desire to trust and befriend SecUnit, but in this they are a bit more cautious because they aren’t certain if they can trust anything supplied by the Company. 

I think this is the benefit of the visual medium expanding out the story.  After all, while the audience is able to hear all of Murderbot’s internal snark, they only get the anxiety-ridden, clearly atypical external SecUnit.  And even if some of them are now seeing it as a person, they are also seeing that it works for a deeply untrustworthy company that may or may not be deceiving them.  So with the information and experiences they currently have, Gurathin is making a reasonable argument for leaving the SecUnit behind. 

And from a storytelling perspective, it makes sense to leave it behind.  It would be easy for this episode to feel like it was retreading the worm incident from the first episode, but having Mensah and Bharadwaj decide to go alone to survey the blacked out area in the map makes the stakes very different. 

And speaking of, though we don’t get a lot of time with her, I am LOVING Bharadwaj.  The actress is hilarious, particularly when the character is clearly high as balls on stimulants and pain meds is just fantastic.  I also love her little moment later of academic one-upsmanship.  Having known so many academics in my life, that was the most real moment of academic bullshit so far.  I cackled!

Their plot is primarily used to reestablish Bharadwaj, and to get Mensah into a dangerous situation (and honestly, I don’t think she should have gone alone trying to climb a fucking mountain, but whatever).  She ends up having another panic attack, and it’s a good beat to see her trying to force her way through it.  She doesn’t want to let the team down.  Even while she’s spiraling she’s trying to be so supportive and encouraging to her team.  I like that she doesn’t handle this situation perfectly.  I like that she struggles and sort of fails, and still keeps pushing.  One of the things the show has been consistently good at is giving the characters very relatable flaws.  She takes her role so seriously she’s going to put herself through hell to see it done, all while trying to mask how bad it’s getting in front of the people she cares about.  This is a good way of reinforcing what we learned about her in the last episode, and setting up an emotional arc for her.

And speaking of setting up emotional arcs, let’s talk about Murderbot and Gurathin, or what I like to call The Best Scenes in the Show So Far Holy Shit.

The scenes between them function on so many levels: comedy, drama, character development, worldbuilding.  We have it all right here!  Major concepts that will be important later (ComfortUnits, Corporation Rim vs Preservation culture) are established quickly and with deliberate discomfort for both characters.  Gurathin weaponizes Murderbot’s deep discomfort with eye contact and social interaction to try to interrogate it and figure out what’s gone wrong, but it doesn’t really go the way either of them wants it to go, because both of them are socially awkward disasters; both of them have conflicting motivations and desires; both of them don’t understand one another and understand one another way, WAY too well.

This leads to scenes that can be interpreted on multiple levels, all while setting up some meaty stakes.  Both characters are trying to do multiple things at once, and it’s really fun to see how well or poorly they succeed.  Gurathin definitely set up the scene to be at least a bit intimidating … and promptly fumbles it when he realizes that his chair isn’t a swivel chair and he can’t turn and do a cool reveal, but instead drags it around, scraping along the floor.  And honestly, part of him not only can’t be intimidating, but doesn’t want to be.  Part of him wants to understand this incredibly awkward being he’s now sharing space with.  There is a weird earnestness, almost a stream-of-consciousness strangeness to the way Gurathin is written in this scene that I adore, and that David Dastmalchian absolutely nails.  He seems even weirder than Murderbot in his own way.

They’re both such messes, and both ready to needle the shit out of one another.  Gurathin, especially, is clearly trying to provoke reactions, to test boundaries.  It’s almost like he’s conducting a stress test on a computer system, but with a sentient being instead, and his life potentially on the line.  He questions Murderbot about its capacity for emotion, for connection, by comparing it to ComfortUnits, but because, again, this is an interrogation conducted by and to the two most cripplingly awkward beings on the hab, it half comes off like he’s hitting on it.

And then there’s the reason for the episode title, and something that is both a deeply dirty trick on Gurathin’s part, and an absolute red flag waved in front of a bull.  He orders (likely suspecting that this SecUnit might be capable of disobeying orders) that they maintain eye contact throughout this interaction. 

And I think that red flag in front of a bull is the other level he’s trying to work at in this scene.  This is a systems stress test, trying to tease out what is happening and where what he sees as a malfunction lies.  But he’s also painting himself as a target.  He’s pulling out every nasty trick in the book to make sure that, if this SecUnit really is rogue and really is going to go on a killing spree, it doesn’t go after anyone but him.  Because as was established in the opening scene: Gurathin may be a paranoid dick, but he loves his weird extrovert friends so, so deeply, and he would absolutely die to protect them.

Because Gurathin, above all things, needs to feel useful.

Murderbot is trying to dodge questions, trying not to give anything away.  It’s trying to bear up under the sheer painful amount of eye contact required, and it’s trying to get Gurathin back (you make me look you in the eye?  I’ll make you see your friends making out with one another!).  And the funniest thing is that they’re basically just inflicting on the other what they already find uncomfortable.  Again and again, they parallel one another.  It was established twice last episode and hammered home now.

And at the same time, there is a weirdly heart-to-heart quality to this interaction.  Because as much as Gurathin is trying to be a hardass, and as much as Murderbot is trying to shut this interaction down as quickly as possible, Gurathin is also just trying to understand, and Murderbot can’t help but explain itself a bit.  It’s the awful moment of sympathy with someone you loath because they’re far too much like you, but you just keep reaching out.  And that layer of earnestness, of accidental vulnerability on both of their parts, adds such a lovely, bizarre tinge of sweetness to what is otherwise a fairly brutal encounter for both of them.

The choices in this scene are what sold me on the show, from the storytelling to the writing to the performances.  The actors fucking kill this scene.  Alexander Skarsgard gets to do a lot of subtle facial expressions as the internal snarky narration struggles to emerge under its facade of calm, and its deep levels of social anxiety keep kneecapping it from fully extracting itself from the conversation or getting the upper hand.  And David Dastmalchian brings all the conflicting motivations, all the half-aborted gestures of hostility and kindness and awkwardness and paranoia through to make Gurathin feel desperately, earnestly human.  I really can’t say enough about their performances; they bounce off one another fantastically.

And of course, these two storylines dovetail at the end of the episode as Mensah finds the Alien Remnant (really cool use of visual effects there!), almost gets eaten by a worm, and everyone realizes that either the maps are glitching out due to the Remnants’ influence, or someone is deliberately hiding them.  They try to confer with the other survey team currently on the planet, a small group from a company called DeltFall, but something is wrong.  And as the episode closes with bodies strewn over the darkened DeltFall habitat, I think we’re about to see the plot kick into gear.

Conclusions

So, what did I think about the first two episodes overall?  They were solid.  I want more establishing time with quite a few of the characters (Bharadwaj, Ratthi, Pin-Lee, and Arada especially), but episode two in particular made me confident this show is going fun places.  Because the scenes between Murderbot and Gurathin were added for the show; this is new material, and it’s exactly the sort of thing I was hoping we would get from an adaptation.  Those scenes struck the perfect blend of humor and danger and sincerity and anger that I read in the books.  That was what convinced me that the show really could pull off something new and fun and fresh both as an adaptation of a series of books I enjoy, and as a piece of science fiction media that feels defiantly hopeful and colorful and weird in the face of a fairly bleak and depressing sci-fi television landscape. 

Like I said before, doing set-up episodes is incredibly hard to do gracefully in television, and doing sci-fi setup where you’re having to explain places, politics, and concepts as well as characters and situations, is even more challenging.  And you’ve got two half-hour time slots to do it in.  And with those limitations in mind, I feel like the show currently ranges from Gets-the-Job-Done-Inelegantly-but-Fine to Holy-Shit-I-Want-to-See-More-of-That-Right-Now. 

I want to get to know all these weirdos on the same intense level I now feel we know Murderbot and Gurathin, and I feel like we will.  Will it be the perfect show?  No.  It will not.  Have I still watched both of these episodes multiple times, and am I super excited to see DeltFall and how much things are about to go to shit?  Oh hell yes.  I am so excited!

So, yes.  There are my scattered thought about this adaptation, where it mostly succeeds and occasionally feels clunky.  The cast is charming and occasionally electric, and I am eager to see more.

[evenyvn]

— streamer! aventurine x supermodel spouse! reader

cw ;; gn reader, fluff, sfw, kinda househusband aventurine since he's already retired from his former job on ipc.

and happiest birthday to my beloved aventurine ♡

streamer aventurine! who streams for fun and got popular quickly due to his former job, and he streams regularly now since he got plenty of times.

streamer aventurine! who streams about video games (mostly gacha games) and probably reviewing fancy products that he got, such as watch, perfumes etc etc. honestly he do whatever he wanted to do and everyone seems to like it.

streamer aventurine! that got viral because his god luck on rolling for gacha games, literally got 3 5 stars on his first 10 pulls, always won 50/50 and soft pity at that, he did stream contents like "pulling on my viewers accounts" and always ended up with crazy luck on his rolls, literally his viewers crying that they finally broke their 50/50 losing streak thanks to aventurine.

streamer aventurine! that shocked everyone when you accidentally walked in one of his streams, but with only your body that have been seen, and he's adamant to keep your face hidden because he wanted to keep your pretty face all for himself. his viewers think that you kinda look familiar but aventurine just shrugs it off with a knowing smirk.

streamer aventurine! that will get teased by his viewers once they knew he's married to a very attractive person (you). they'll be saying something like "is your roommate single?" or other down bad comments just to get his reactions.

stellarjadehunter donated 100 credits! : roommate's face reveal when?

"excuse you? that's my spouse right there!" cue him looking at the camera with an offended look, your laughter can be heard from the other room making him pout.

another comment pointing out that you look like you could be a supermodel makes him giggles behind his hand, trying so hard not to burst out laughing.

after that whole things happened, now you seem to be appearing more on his streams (without showing your face still). sometimes you just sit somewhere off camera or sometimes stand beside him while holding a food and occasionally feeds him, his viewers think your actions are cute and he think it's endearing.

that's it until someone point out how aventurine's spouse looks a little bit too much like a certain famous supermodel, aventurine saw someone who did a whole research and analysis on this and post it on social media, he just laugh it off saying that they're being delulu.

"seriously guys, i saw someone making a whole thread about my spouse, believe me when i say they're just a normal person"

yea no one believes him, ouch.

veritasratio : they're already know, you cannot fool them anymore.

"shut up veritas"

now onto the part where his viewers catch a glimps of your face or hair, the whole community went crazy and the truth finally unfolds. aventurine's spouse is the crazy famous intergalactic supermodel.

aventurine's not happy with it but he's definitely going to brag about it everytime on the stream now. everyone is tired.

"well, I'm a husband of-"

topaznnumby donated 200 credits : "okay okay WE GET IT, your spouse is a SUPERMODEL"

now that your identity has revealed you're showing your face more on stream, even sometimes doing a cooking or baking stream together with your husband (it's honestly just you cooking while he just looks at you with a lovesick face the whole time).

streamer! aventurine who sometimes get on a friendly banter with your fans, literally just him saying that he's your biggest fan and more bragging. he's greatful that your fanbase is actually really chill because you yourself never tried to hide the fact that you're happily married on interviews.

streamer! aventurine who gets more popular, because half of his viewers are just your fanbase now lmao.

✦thank you for reading, likes and reblogs are very appreciated♡

[starboyjuno]

next batch of geese🧡 requests from @interclover and @aricatastrophe !!

I would absolutely love more requests! please don't be shy :3 also feel free to request sillies from other shows, especially ii, as ill eventually do a lineup for them as well! again, headcannons below [absolute yapfest & some character analysis] , and thank you for 300+ on my last two groups!

more: pencil/pen/marker , tree/leafy/grassy

notes:

- sb and icy are cousins! their parents are brothers. they're also icelandic so the naming conventions are super interesting! if ur icelandic feel free to tell me a bunch of stuff about ur culture cuz it's awesome but! from what I researched, names need to be approved by a government agency and surnames are patronymic essentially, whatever your father's first name is, you take that and then add '-sson' for male children and '-dottír' for female children :) awesome to me i love research!!!!

- sb and icy's relationship is a bit rocky. they were really close as kids but I feel like they drifted apart as they grew older.. I feel like as of tpot they make friends again and start to be kind and nice

❄️ . snowball :

- i need to kill him😭😭😭

- umm i think. from my interpretation of him, sb isn't like. a blatant bigot, he's just kind of insecure and projects his insecurities on other people.. he wants to be the 'strongest ever' and anything that he deems 'weak' doesn't deserve to be around him.. I think in like. a human ver. of the show it would likely be that he was degraded for not being 'masculine enough' and fell down a bit of a pipeline unfortunately

- he's not . evil though. I think he's an ally in the sense that he don't gaf a whole lot.. he supports his friends who are queer [pen/eraser/coiny] and would dropkick anyone who disrespected them. I also don't think he's a misogynist, he just a freak and needs a lot of therapy

- so sorry but that's a cishet white man 😞

- his relationship with grassy is very sweet to me.. I think that. by the time tpot comes around, he's still a little messy but he's kind of come to terms with a lot of his issues, and does his best to treat grassy the way he wanted to be treated when he was a kid.. auauggh.. the brothers 😢😢 through caring for grassy and being there for him sb grows as a person and becomes softer.. in my mind..

🧊 . ice cube :

- she's autistic to me.. likes the hat because it helps with noise reduction. and the pressure of it feels nice (projecting)

- mischievous ass lesbian bro.. she uses tricky schemes and plots to get her way/j but I do think her whole "revenge" thing is due to some of her anger issues.. [runs in the family or whatever] of which she has many. I think she also has a complex insecurity thing with her consistent feeling of being excluded and left out (esp in freesmart) (wow okay autism)

- idk if I'll give her albinism or not.. I think it's cool either way and if she did her and book could be lack of melanin buddies😭

- consistently cold... you'll always find her in sweaters and heavier clothes poor thing has circulation issues i fear

📚 . book :

- I AAAUGGGHH BOOOKKKK😢😢😢 AUAGSHDYEGUWGH 😭😭😭 sorry I like her a lot .. everything to me.. miss girl...

- consistently overlooked, undervalued, and tossed aside..even when she makes mistakes and even if it takes a while she always manages to apologize and try to stay positive with it.. possibly also an autistic queen everything to me I hope she wins bfdia..

- LOVER GIRL!!! she is so full of love both platonic and romantic.. I feel like she has an unrequited crush on icy as well as a probably requited thing with price tag.. idk I like those ships they're cutesy... at least once, she's crushed on each member of freesmart [except for ruby]..

- german heritage is a nod to the gutenberg printing press because it's funny to base nationalities/ethnicities on that sometimes

- HER NAME IS STUPID ON PURPOSE ITS FUNNY AS FUCK!!!!! BROOKE PAGE IDC

okay that's enough from me I'll add more later maybe if i think of anything else

[miwiheroes]

Dropping Byler Evidence Every Day Until Season 5

. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁ Day 1 - The M&Ms scene . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁

So yeah, this scene is never really talked about that much as like actual proof, more like a funni little thing where Mike looks at Will for a moment when he walks away, but analysis of the cinematography, framing and narrative of this scene can be revealing.

First thing: as soon as El wipes her nose, revealing it was her that helped Mike and Lucas, the camera zooms in on Mike, as if to be like 'oooh wonder how he's going to react'! and the audience is then in suspense, because they're probably expecting him to smile or try to take this opportunity.

What does he do? He just says 'Thanks." And the moment of suspense is broken. It's almost like a record scratch. We will come back to this reaction later, basically because it shows that Mike really does not mind being on these terms with El.

Second thing: At first glance there seems to be 3 main characters of this scene: Mike, Lucas and El. However, Will also seems to be included in this scene unlike Max who is also there. There is no reason to have Will be in some of these shots that, I want you guys to understand, is intentional. The directors didn't just accidentally set up this frame:

They didn't just forget to move Will out the way. In this shot, the Rule of Thirds can be applied. While El and half of Mike are in the second third/ third third, both half of Mike and Will are in the same third. This is also the third on the left, which is where (in western cultures) people begin to look at images from (reading from left to right). The fact that Will looks at Mike when he says 'Thanks' is the first thing that the audience is intended to notice (because its on the left), even if it is very subtle.

It is also important to note that the writers of the show know, in this moment, that Will is in love with Mike, they've had that planned out from the start (this is undeniably canon, unlike Mike's feelings to Will). Therefore, it is interesting that they included him in this shot and the next part too:

Like?? what was the point of the directors putting him in this part? Placing him in an interactional role with Mike in a Mike and El scene is just interesting to me. Like,,,, also could Mike not have talked to El with Will there?

After Will gets up, there is this really awkwardly long part where Will goes from the left third to the right third of the screen and just stays there? Like he's still in the shot (which they can easily catch and retake if they needed to). Why do the writers/directors want you to take such notice of his presence?

Also, going back to the fact that Will has to leave for Mike to be able to talk to El. Again, the directors did not need to put Will in this scene, they could have had him doing something else. Instead, they had him there to subtly further his character arc of being selfless/being shoved away by Mike in favour of El. It's also maybe simply because Mike just can't handle having both Will and El in the same context without ignoring one for the other, because he holds them to the same romantic standard.

We see this mishandling of El and Will in the airport scene, the whole time Mike is with El in the beginning of S3, Rink o Mania, the dinner after Rink o Mania etc. Basically, when both El and Will are around, he feels like he has to get rid of Will to be able to be romantic towards El, despite being able to talk about it to Lucas. When it's just him and Will, he's pretty happy (we see this in the 'Cool. Cool.' scene and the 'Guess it's up to us again' scene which are the only two scenes in S4 where Mike believes he is no longer in a relationship with El and just thinks he needs to team up with Will and go back to Hawkins without El). Therefore, he needed Will out the way because he can't be romantic with his girlfriend with Will distracting him lmao <3

Third Thing: Lucas is the one to encourage Mike to make up with El.

To be honest, him encouraging him alone isn't really that convincing of the fact that Mike is queer coded blah blah, like, your friend is allowed to say 'That was the Olive branch! Your way in!' without it being queercoding. The queercoding however, comes with the reaction to that information.

First, I want to point to something I may bring up in the future of this series. In S1, Lucas is the first person to ever suggest that there might be something romantic going on between Mike and El. When he says "Why don't you just marry her?", Mike does not go all ooooh flustery and blushy, he does not go 'EW GROSS' like a lot of boys that age would, instead he just acts confused. Multiple times.

The first time is when he goes, "Lucas what are you talking about?" The second is in response to Lucas going "Mike, seriously?" saying "What?" again. When Lucas then teases him about caring about her, he just says "Shut up Lucas" in this really tired tone, rather than a flustered or angry one. He basically gets the idea that he probably should like El romantically, if he shows even any care towards her.

Now, throughout S3, Lucas is the one to constantly question Mike's actions towards El. He's confused on why he won't tell her the truth about Hopper, and everything else, which all culminates into this "Oh my god. You're hopeless," when referring to picking up signals about girls.

I must say this rn too: You don't pick up on signals you don't want to receive. You do pick up on signals you do want to receive. I think most of us know what it's like to have a crush. You constantly look out for little things and overanalyse their actions towards you. But Mike has no clue. Maybe because.... he just doesnt feel that way.

Okay going back to reactions. Basically, you would kind of expect Mike's reaction to hearing that his girlfriend, that he's sooooo sad about losing oh nooooo, has decided to reach out and say that she's okay with him would be excitement, right?

When Lucas is describing how he's going to let Mike talk to El, Mike looks extremely nervous, which I get. It's normal to feel nervous in this situation, but the thing is, El seems okay with him, surely he would at least have a little light in his eyes?

When Lucas has to say 'Talk to her, alright?' (as if Mike has no fucking clue) Mike nods and then there is a swell in the music, the camera zooms in on him, and instead of the music swelling to some nice, positive tones, it's almost foreboding, mimicking the mixed feelings swirling in Mike's brain. His face also kind of looks.... weird like he's unsure, or maybe he's disappointed? Nervous? idk

I would understand this to be a little romantic if he smiles, but jesus, he does not crack a single grin at this part.

It almost seems like he's deciding to do something he doesn't really want to. I think he was completely content with the fact that she helped them, but didn't want to do anything about it because he's totally fine being on good terms with her, obviously, but not necessarily on romantic terms with her. Maybe he's fine with the fact she doesn't really want to be with him.

However, after Lucas says this stuff, now he's looking over at her and thinking, wait, maybe she does want to be with me.

But instead of a:

Wow, maybe she does want to be with me! :D

It's a:

Oh, so she does want to be with me.

^basically this means Mike decides, based on his encouragement from Lucas rather than his own feelings, that he should talk to her. What can he say to Lucas here? That he doesn't want to? That isn't really an option for him.

Fourth Thing: Okay this is very small but for some reason this scene is interspersed with scenes of Jonathan and Nancy getting almost killed by the mindflayer army like???

Why would they cut from this very tense scene where these beloved characters are about to be killed to this scene between Mike and El where everything is fine!

It's like.,,,, they want the audience to be tense watching them, even if it's not directly for the right reasons. They want the audience to maybe feel the tension in the foreboding nature of the fact that the mindflayer is in the same building as them, meaning there is always some danger lurking in the background.

Okay hope you enjoyed today's byler evidence :) stay tuned for tomorrow's!

[steddiealltheway]

Eddie’s eyes are brown.

At least, that’s what Steve would’ve said before staring into his eyes for…ten seconds? Thirty seconds? Five minutes? … he’s lost track of time.

But the time is certainly not wasted.

Steve’s not sure how he’s never noticed that brown eyes aren’t just brown. It’s a silly thought, and he knows that he should probably know this considering he also has brown eyes, but maybe he’s been too focused on his hair. And maybe he’s been a little too focused on Eddie’s lips…

He fights to glance down at them as Eddie stares back at him, his pupils blown wide, but every now and then when he leans a little to the side, the sunlight from the windows hits his eyes just right and his pupils contract, showing off all the color in his eyes. And Steve loves when this happens.

The brown turns into an almost amber color, deep brown highlighted by hints of warm red and orange. And at the bottom of his eyes, there’s small patches of gold standing out against the deep brown ring that circles the whole iris.

Steve thinks he could get lost in it all and stare for hours.

He leans in a little closer, trying to see more of that gold, and nearly groaning when Eddie shifts away from the light again, eyes becoming such a deep brown that Steve can easily see his reflection.

But he doesn’t want to see himself, he wants to see how that dark chocolate turns into that gold and red in the sunlight.

Then, something Steve didn’t fathom happens.

Eddie closes his eyes.

“Steve won!” Dustin shouts, as the other kids carry on loudly, and Steve is harshly startled back into reality.

A staring contest. That’s what this was supposed to be. A staring contest, not a Steve gets lost in his friend’s eyes for so long that he forgets to blink contest. Christ.

He glances sheepishly at Eddie and takes in all his features, the furrowed brow and the slight frown to his lips as Eddie tugs at a stand of hair.

As the kids file out of the room, moving onto whatever activity is going to keep them entertained next, Steve asks, “Are you that upset about losing?”

Eddie shakes his head and leans forward, staring into Steve’s eyes again. Steve fights not to look too deeply, afraid he’ll get lost in the depths forever if he gives himself the chance.

“I saw something I hadn’t seen before,” Eddie comments, looking back and forth between his two eyes.

“I did too,” Steve admits, allowing himself to stare a bit. He reaches out and pulls Eddie closer to him, getting both his eyes directly in the sunlight. “I see a whiskey my dad used to always keep on his desk, with hints of gold that reminds me of the jewelry my dad got for my mom, back when they still loved each other.”

His heart pounds at the memories, back to a time when things almost seemed normal. When he thought he would always be happy.

Steve shakes his head and glances away, unsure of how the colors he saw before could bring up the deep memories he spewed to Eddie. He changes the subject and asks, “What did you see in mine?”

He expects maybe an analysis of green and brown, or hazel as many girls tell him after staring at him for long enough to make him feel uncomfortable. He wonders why Eddie doesn’t make him feel that way.

A finger lifts Steve’s chin, turning his gaze back to Eddie whose stare sends chills down his spines. “I saw longing,” Eddie states and continues, “Was it for those things? Those memories?”

Steve finds himself shaking his head as his eyes glance down to Eddie’s lips which twitch as he swallows. “Was it longing?” Eddie asks, nervousness seeping into his tone.

Steve glances back at his eyes and nods. It’s not like he’s unaware of his deeper feelings for Eddie, but he didn’t expect to fall so hard in just a few moments as he stared into his eyes. And he definitely didn’t expect to have those emotions read so clearly in his own eyes.

Eddie’s hand slowly moves to cup Steve’s face as he says, “Steve, read my own eyes for a moment. Please see the-”

“Can you guys give us a ride to the arcade?!” Dustin yells from the other room.

Steve sees Eddie’s eyes flash with annoyance which is much different from the loving expression from before.

Loving.

Steve takes a deep breath and steps back as he hears multiple footsteps hurriedly making their way back to the kitchen.

“Did you hear us?” Mike asks, crossing his arms.

“Yeah, yeah,” Steve says, “Get to the car.”

He lingers back with Eddie as he watches all the kids run to his car, and when Steve gets to the door with Eddie behind him, he yells, “Give me a minute, I need to grab my wallet!”

He closes the door quickly and rushes into Eddie’s space, cupping his face, and asking, “Am I reading this wrong?”

“Not at all,” Eddie says, hope and deep longing shining in his eyes.

“Good,” Steve says, leaning forward and meeting Eddie in the middle as they hurriedly kiss, pouring in all the longing they’ve both experienced for months now but were too oblivious to see before.

(Robin laughs for minutes on end when she hears that a staring contest is what got them together when they’ve been having multiple for months without the label. Steve just rolls his eyes, but as soon as Eddie asks, “Want to have another staring contest?” He can’t resist.)

[starberriemilk]

Quick Analysis of New Sinclair EGO

I HAVE SO MANY THOUGHTS ABOUT THIS EGO AND I REALLY NEED TO TALK ABOUT IT!

First of all: This EGO MUCH more hopeful in comparison to Hong Lu's, it's clearly about Sinclair breaking out of his egg.

Sinclair is hopeful, Hong Lu is hopeless.

Sinclair spreads his wings and the whole animation is so cinematic and it focuses on that part, making it really clear to me that it's about Sinclair hatching out of his egg.

With the addition of his wings being similar in shape to a cain mark, it makes it even more clear.

There's also the thing with antlers I said before: someone pointed out that they're young dragon's antlers which shows Sinclair's immaturity. They have blood on them, which makes me think about how they grew out forcefully - a sign of Sinclair being forced to grow up faster when he wasn't ready yet, because ones that took care of him died.

The blades which, in my eyes, represent burden, representing Sinclair carrying that burden of his trauma, but he uses them as his wings to let himself soar and let go of his past.

It's a big contrast to Hong Lu, who's being dragged by the lance that he's impaled with. Like I said, these EGOs are opposites of each other and parallels a lot. With Sinclair soaring and letting go off his trauma, and Hong Lu sinking down and looking totally out of control in his EGO. It makes me think of how their toad EGOs parallels, with Sinclair wanting to take everyone's pain away, sacrificing himself in the process, while Hong Lu is bottling up his own pain until he explodes… I just think the contrast is VERY interesting, and the parallels are very visible, especially in this EGO.

Another thing I wanted to talk about Sinclair's eye in contrast to Hong Lu's. While the area around Hong Lu's eye looks like a wound or scar, the are around Sinclair's eye looks like it's covered in feathers/fur(?), and instead of an eye, he has a flower there. People have said he has a missing eye but to me it looks like a flower- unfortunately we won't know for sure until we get better quality of the sprites in a few weeks, but with assumption of it being a flower, I think it's a reference to Lin Daiyu, Hong Lu's love interest in The Dream Of Red Chamber, who is very heavily associated with flowers (I am theorizing that Sinclair will get her identity but that's a topic for another post). It could also be a reference to Sinclair being the Rose from Little Prince.

This might be a stretch but with the way Hong Lu and Sinclair are presented in the EGO, Sinclair's eye is visible in a lot of the sprites meanwhile Hong Lu's eye is very hidden, which in my eyes represents their trauma and how visible it is. Sinclair's eye is visible, just like his trauma - he literally started having a visible panic attack and threw up when K corp was merely mentioned in his canto. Meanwhile Hong Lu? A lot of people in the fandom assume he doesn't even have trauma, that's how good he is at hiding it. The sweepers event was probably the first time he talked about his trauma in a more serious manner - just how his eye in the whole animation is very obscured.

Lastly, I want to talk about Sinclair's line.

This line is clearly a reference to Daiyu's line in the beginning of Dream of Red Chamber, when she is still Crimson Pearl Flower:

"The only way in which I could perhaps repay him would be with the tears shed during the whole of mortal lifetime if he and I were to be reborn as humans in world below"

Now, compare this to parts of Sinclair's line, particularly this part: "Earthbound have I become" is referencing how for Daiyu to repay her debt of tears, she had to descend to the mortal realm and thus she became bound to Earth because she is reborn as a human. And then there's "To embrace you, I endure this endless descend", because Daiyu's whole purpose of descending and thus enduring all the pain and sadness that came with being reborn as a human and being earthbound, is to one day reunite and embrace her true love, Baoyu, which Hong Lu is based on. The descend felt endless because the debt of tears is not something that can be repaid in a single night. It would have taklen her the whole lifetime of a mortal, but she would endure it just like Sinclair, to embrace her love and repay the debt.

But besides that, I think the line has other meaning, connecting it to Sinclair's own story, let me break it down:

"Earthbound I have become" - reference to how Sinclair fell from the world of light, descending to the world of darkness. The wording also, "earthbound", references how he's like a bird that can't fly, because he's still in an egg.

"But to embrace you" - the "you" i think he's talking about might be Demian, I'll explain later why. What he means by the wording "to embrace", i think is "to accept (a belief, theory, or change) willingly and enthusiastically." (from dictionary)

"I endure this endless descent" - the descent into the world of darkness feeling endless, because he lost everything. His parents, his sister, even Demian. He was completely alone and it feels like it will never end, but he endures it, because he knows that it will be worth it.

So to put it all together, this whole sentence means that Sinclair had fallen into the world of darkness, which feels endless, because of everything he lost and all the pain he goes through. However, he endures it all and doesn't give up, because he knows that if he wants to embrace Demian again, he has to go through all this, and all this pain is necessary to let him break out of his egg.

That's all I have for now, if anyone has any other ideas and theories recarding this I'd love to discuss!!

[max1461]

I've said this before, but: many political discussions are heavily informed by who the person speaking identifies as the relevant agent in some situation. For instance, consider this dialogue:

Person 1: The US needs to institute policy X.

Person 2: That's impossible, all the Republicans in congress would just vote against it. What we really need is for the Democrats to push for policy Y, which they might be able to get bipartisan agreement on.

Person 3: That's not possible either, the Democrats are too beholden to corporate interests to support policy Y. What we really need is for the president to institute executive order Z.

Person 2: Oh come on, the president would never issue execute order Z, policy Y is much more feasible than that.

And so on and so forth ad nauseam.

I don't think these people are really arguing about politics, and I don't know if they even have any substantive disagreement with each other.

In general, when people talk about "what should be done", they are always implicitly thinking of some agent, they are speaking of "what should be done by someone". And of course when we speak about different agents, we will come to different conclusions about what they should do. This is not least because different agents have different options in front of them. For instance, if you were to give me suggestions about what I could do to make the world better, they would probably not be the same as the suggestions you would give to Bill Gates about what he could do to make the world better, or the suggestions you would give to Vladimir Putin.

Normative claims presuppose an agent, and the content of normative claims will vary by the agent that is supposed. It would be useless to suggest to me "end the war in Ukraine", or to suggest to Putin "be more selective about the discourse posts you reblog", or whatever.

The problem is that when we are discussing politics, there are many different agents that we can identify with and whose behavior we can present normative claims about, and we often do not specify which one we are referring to. Furthermore, political agents can be institutions instead of just individuals, making possible the existence of sub-agents with varying agendas, and so on. Individuals might conceivably be modeled as having these too, but that's a philosophical can of worms I won't open.

Anyway, this imprecision about what agents we are prescribing actions to leads to scenarios like the discourse above, where people who substantively disagree about very little might argue vociferously against each other because in truth they are prescribing behavior for different agents altogether. Person 1 is prescribing behavior for the US government as a whole, Person 2 for the Democratic party, and Person 3 for the president. They only disagree in that each imagines the other's agent as an object of nature governed by mechanistic processes and their own agent as possessing (practically speaking) free will. None of them are really per se correct or incorrect, I don't think.

My suggested solution to this is: specify clearly the agent you are referring to, and admit that for normative discussion to make sense at all you must model that agent as "being able to choose its action" even if deeper analysis of its internal processes reveals it to in fact be deterministic. When in doubt, recall that the only agent whose actions you can really chose (if you can choose any actions at all) are your own, and thus in a certain sense any discussion of what an agent other than you yourself should do is idle philosophizing.

Ethics (I claim) are in and of themselves only a system for selecting your own actions; their use in evaluating the actions of others is secondary at best.

[crazylittlejester]

i don’t know if this is something Jojo is doing on purpose, or if it was an intentional detail but i grabbed and ran away with it, or if I’ve just completely read far to into things and entered the realm of just making shit up, but Warriors and his little crooked smile are so GODDAMN important to me and I am shaking him like a squeak toy (gently)

(big yap/analysis under the cut)

disclaimer, i just have a lot of thoughts, probably way too many thoughts, and 97% of them are about Wars so I might be insane, and what you’re about to read provided you’ve stuck around so far might be the equivalent of your high school english teacher yelling with tears in their eyes about how the curtains were blue to “symbolize her sadness”. also my apologies for weird spelling mistakes or oddly misspelled words, i am dyslexic 💔 but with that being said:

Warriors to me comes off as someone who’s constantly acting larger than life. He masks a LOT in front of the chain, he acts overdramatic and a bit ridiculous on purpose, and to an extent he just is a bit ridiculous, but his reactions to things are sometimes blow way out of proportion or are just larger than life in a comedic way where it just seems like he’s doing it intentionally. He comes across as a very extroverted, talkative person, and he seems like he’d honestly be a bit loud too (whether that’s who is REALLY is or what he’s REALLY like is a yap for another post). His (physical) image and the way his character/personality is perceived by others both seem like things that are not his CORE values or the things that mean the most to him, but they do seem to be at least a LITTLE bit important to him just based on how he presents himself and the way he acts. And to an extent, the whole thing with him caring so much about his looks is canon in LU, with that one sketch of him and Legend where he’s looking at his eye in a reflection of a shield and Legend says “alright break it up you two” being the first thing that comes to mind (which is in the post “Mirror Shield”, click the name for the link)

To me, from what I’ve seen and from my perspective, there are very few times we see an actual genuine smile from Warriors, and when we do it tends to be in moments where he’s not in the spotlight, he’s not trying to command the center of attention, and/or the focus is NOT on him. It tends to be moments where he just seems genuinely happy or at peace, and those seem pretty rare. He smiles a LOT, but the majority of his smiles seem big and flashy and performative, and not that that means he’s not happy AT ALL in any of those moments, but those smiles seem a lot more controlled and closely managed because he’s aware of the attention on him and therefore thinking about how he’s perceived. (I’ve made some posts in the past and I’ll probably make others in the future about how I think Warriors puts on this “Captain” or “Hero of Hyrule” persona because of how an entire war was started because a sorceress found him beautiful, and how he feels like him being just him isn’t really good enough for that and how he feels like he needs to fit in and look/act/seem like the legendary heroes he’s being compared to. He’s created this idea of what he COULD be and that’s what he presents to others, fake it till you make it and all that, but thats another yap for another day)

However there are these little moments where we see him smile, and the same one side of his mouth is pretty consistently always just a little bit higher no matter which way his head is facing (here’s a few examples):

@/linkeduniverse, from the 2023 monthly art, “January- Cold Sunrise”

@/linkeduniverse, both from “Dawn pt. 2”

And the thing that really started this whole headcanon of mine that his REAL smile is crooked was this specific part of Dawn pt. 2 where Warriors sees that Twilight is gonna be find for the first time after most likely worrying about him and being up all night:

That middle panel, to me at least, is probably the most genuine expression of a positive emotion we’ve seen from him this entire time. No one’s focus is on him, no one’s really looking at him, he doesn’t have the pressure of being the center of attention on him, and honestly even if that WERE the case, the genuine relief that hit him once he was Twilight was gonna be okay probably would’ve been enough to get a genuine smile out of him anyways. But the second he walks into the room officially, he kinda, for lack of a better way to put it, announces his presence and starts “acting” again (also from Dawn pt 2):

And while that same one side of his mouth does seem a bit higher and not very straight, it’s definitely more even than it was just five seconds previously

Now, acknowledging there is an art style, and that I also just might be insane, but Warriors’s smiles for the most part (when they seem controlled) appear to be a Lot straighter and more even to me than when it’s a more genuine moment and he doesn’t seem like he’s “acting” so much (and just a note: it certainly isn’t EVERY time, but in general, in moments like these his smile seems consistently straighter unless he’s just flat out smirking. and im not saying it’s PERFECTLY straight either, just noticeably more even). When he’s being more dramatic or intentionally obnoxious or the attention is on him, it really does feel like his smile is more controlled: here are just a few examples, obviously this isn’t every single time he’s smiled in all of LU

@/linkeduniverse, from “Swords”

@/linkeduniverse, from “Shady Escape pt 2”

@/linkeduniverse, from “Divine Dark Reflections pt. 8”

@/linkeduniverse, both from “Magic Sword”

am i looking too far into a little thing? probably. am i insane? yeah. but i just really love the idea that when Warriors is truly, genuinely happy, the part of himself that he tries to hide, the sweet and caring person he hides underneath all the dramatics, that true self he’s probably kept hidden away since the start of the war who’s been buried under insecurity and hidden because of the fear that who he is just isnt ENOUGH peaks through, and that person comes out through his happiness in the form of his smile. and yeah it does probably mean nothing and Jojo might not have done any of this on purpose, but i’m crazy, and Warriors’s crooked little smile is so so important to me *insert image of a guy crying face down on the floor because unfortunately i’ve hit the image limit*

[shayminlucario07]

Okay y'all. The big Post-Oathbound Analysis/Thoughts/Critique(?). Spoilers ahead, read at your own risk!

(This was written over the course of two days in four separate sittings, and the entirety of it was written while I was out of ADHD medication. So this is probably going to be very disjointed and incomprehensible. Sorry!)

Of course, it would be criminal to start anywhere other than the center of it all- Bree. While I have some qualms about Bree's arc in Oathbound, they are small and few, and almost exclusively have nothing to do with Bree herself. Following Bloodmarked, it was very necessary for Bree to have the chance to make a clean break from the expectations put on her for her abilities- and to be able to define for herself, with the knowledge of why she has her abilities, what their purpose- and her purpose- will be. I do take some issue with the conceit of Bree losing the identities of the people she cares about, but ultimately it serves extremely well to show that Bree is not the way she is- is not WHO she is- due to their presence, nor their influence, but rather because that is who she is. And I think it's so telling that the first construct she is ever able to use her Root to construct is a shield- especially when she specifically sought out, from the whole line of Vera, a method to use it as a weapon. In order for Bree to be able to use her Root to attack, she must know how to use it to defend- first herself, and then others.

One moment of Bree's arc I particularly loved was when she, Zoe, and Elijah took the time to establish an environment where they could each safely, comfortably, and non-judgementally articulate their respective queerness, with the twins helping and encouraging Bree to put her own queer identity into words for the first time. (A brilliant moment regardless, but also an excellent example of my earlier note about Bree being able to define her own self.) I know from personal experience- on both the Bree side, as the one first articulating their identity, and on the twins' side, as the guiding figure- how meaningful and important that experience is, and I can only imagine how much more significant that experience is for Bree with everyone involved being Black.

And of course, how can I not talk about Bree and Nick, finally being able to reunite properly after Bloodmarked, and finally having the time to figure out their relationship beyond the new, tenuous thing it was at the end of Legendborn? In Bloodmarked, both Nick and Bree were broken down to their lowest, and had to build themselves back up from that- and they had to do that apart from each other. And after both of them worked on themselves, working through their own issues and reaching the point where they were able to stand on their own in confidence, they were able to come together on that shared new ground and figure out what they wanted from each other for themselves. Finally, after two-and-a-half books of others- Alice, Sel, William, Mariah, Valec, Zoe... basically everyone- calling Bree and Nick an item, defining their relationship before they had a chance to truly explore it for themselves... it was gratifying. After how little screentime (Can you use that term when talking about a book?) Nick- and by extension, Nick and Bree's relationship- got throughout Bloodmarked, it was lovely seeing the two together again.

And that, naturally, brings me to Bree and Selwyn. Bree and Sel's friendship began quite late into the events of Legendborn, but from almost the very start of the two learning respect and trust for each other, there was a distinct romantic and sexual tension- from Bree encountering Sel shirtless in one of their first interactions that wasn't explicitly antagonistic, to the iconic "Cariad" scene- and this tension carried forward into Bloodmarked. Due to Nick's absence throughout most of Bloodmarked, his and Bree's relationship becomes a major focus throughout the book, and the two- and their relationship, in turn- undergoes a great deal of development. However, throughout Oathbound, Selwyn is mostly absent, like Nick was in Bloodmarked. As such, there is similarly little relationship progression between him and Bree; I'll refrain from talking about their relationship in Oathbound until the discussion of Selwyn as a whole, as there isn't much development therein, but what is worth noting is that when Bree loses part of her soul, she forgets the tension between herself and Sel, where she doesn't for Nick. Personally, I interpreted this to be a result of her most prominent feeling being her feeling of responsibility for his Demonia, whereas her most prominent feeling for Nick being a result of having to leave him behind, when he was running for her.

Moving on to our secondary characters, we'll start how the book itself does- with William. Now, don't get me wrong- I love William. However. I... really don't know why he was a point-of-view character in this book? Beyond the scene where he tells Lark about the abuse Nick faced as a child, his only purpose as a POV character seems to be to obfuscate Nick, and this scene could easily be delivered through a flashback from Nick's own point-of-view. Alternately, William's point-of-view could have been used more through the latter half of the book- which would also serve as a way to check in with the rest of the Order, such as Greer, who are very absent throughout the majority of Oathbound. Seeing William and Lark's tension develop was quite nice, though.

Mariah, on the other hand, was quite a neat new perspective. While she is a medium like Bree, her own variation of Medium abilities are very interestingly different, and through the vehicle of Mariah's perspective, we get to see more of Valechaz and the Rootcrafter network, the two most interesting aspects of Bloodmarked, in my opinion. It was also lovely to see how utterly Mariah and her aunts were so devoted to helping Bree- she deserves that level of dedication, and it was absolutely heartening to see Bree get the love and respect she deserves, after two books of the Order- and frankly, most others- treating her like shit.

Elijah and Zoelle were absolute delights. The two gave so much context to Erebus. Also, Zoe being a badass trans cambion? Iconic. I loved how she joined in on Bree and Mariah's girltalk so seamlessly, and it was wonderful to see her shame Bree on keeping her boy drama secret.

Speaking of Bree's boy drama... Nick Davis. While he had a whole character arc off-page in Bloodmarked, it was entirely possible to fill in the blanks of what we didn't see with his presence in Oathbound. I am incredibly proud of how he stepped up to force the Order to face the dark truth of how Bree became the Scion of Arthur- especially considering how closely tied he himself is to that abhorrent history. Seeing Nick finally openly face, acknowledge, and denounce the disgusting and horrific nature of the Order was cathartic. His example is one that I hope to follow, no matter how inconvenient and uncomfortable it is.

And finally, one cannot talk about Selwyn Kane in Oathbound without simultaneously talking about Natasia Kane. Finally getting to see Natasia was immensely satisfying, given how much build-up she's had throughout the series, and seeing her wholehearted devotion to Faye- even without the knowledge that Faye was the Scion of Arthur- serves to highlight not only how genuinely wonderful the Matthews women are, but also to showcase how the Kingsmages feel the draw to serve and protect their king, even if they don't know who their king truly is. But that isn't to insinuate that the only thing drawing Natasia and Selwyn to Faye and Bree is their status as the Scion of Arthur- because truly, that's all their own. Bree, like her mother before her, earns that devotion on her own merit, and is not defined by her bloodline. Natasia's love for Faye was so beautifully true that it extended to her husband and daughter, too, and it was a delight to see how utterly willing she was to act in defense of Edwin and Bree. Personally, I wouldn't be surprised if there was a bit more to Natasia's devotion to Faye than mere friendship alone, but even if it is just platonic friendship, the strength of their relationship is one that I can only dream of achieving myself one day.

As for Sel... seeing his Demonia progress was painful to witness. At no point was he not himself throughout the book, it was horrifying to see how his worst characteristics were forced to the forefront above all else. The combination of his own personal dedication to Bree and his Demonia-induced craving for her Root twisted his affection for her into something that just felt sinister, even if he never explicitly took hostile action against Bree. Seeing him treat Nick and Bree as cruelly as he does- especially knowing the history he and Nick have of doing exactly that- was heartrending, but seeing the level of care that they still held for him, even in the wake of this treatment gives me faith for the future. The thing that must be remembered is that Sel willingly chose this for himself, because he decided Bree was worth it. I know for a fact that Nick feels exactly the same, and that shared absolute devotion to her is without a doubt going to help bridge the newly-widened gap between them. And of course, there's Bree herself- Bree, who can do anything she puts her mind to. If she wants to help bring Sel back to himself- and I wholeheartedly believe that she does- she will succeed. Those three care for each other so deeply that I cannot doubt they'll make it through this.

And finally, the reveal of reveals- that Selwyn Kane is the son of the Shadow King. What will this mean? Well... I have some ideas, I think. I have no doubt that this is going to cause some pretty damn sizeable relationship drama, to say the least, but I don't believe for a second that Sel is going to become a major antagonist- or even an antagonist at all, for that matter. Legendborn, as a series, is intrinsically tied to the past- specifically, to the pain within it, how that affects us in our current lives, and how we can and should carry that forward, letting it inform how we go about our lives and guide us onto a better path than we had been on before. This isn't a series with one antagonist, one enemy to overcome- the conflict is systemic, not individual. The efforts against Bree are not the result of actions by any one specific person, but the structural, systemic racism of the Legendborn Order. It is not the regents' plots to lock her away and usurp her, and experiment on her, and use her as a pawn in their games; it is not Vaughn and Tor and their overt racism towards her; it is not the widespread distrust that the Order has for her as an outsider, both an outsider of the Order and as a Black girl; it is all of this, together, compounding on itself. It is the structure as a whole being designed against not just her, but everyone not at the top of the ladder; it is the exploitation of the Scions, and the Legions; it is the Abatement, and throwing the lives of people of all kinds into the meat grinder, not to end the danger that the Shadowborn pose, but to prolong the war and preserve the position of power that the Regents and the highborn of the Order hold; it is the systematic hunting of Rootcrafters, Morgaines, and any users of magic not under the oppression of the Order; it is the meticulous, eugenicist controlling of "bloodline purity" to preserve the inheritance of the Lines, and produce stronger Merlins that will be more reliant on the Oaths, and controlling of every little facet of the Scions' lives up to, during, and after their awakening.

When Bree asked Nick if he would stand with her if she wanted to burn it all to the ground, that was not a hypothetical. At least, that is what I believe. The Legendborn legacy is one of pain and suffering- and that is not just true for their own. The Rootcrafters suffer beneath the totalitarian oppression of the Order; even the Shadowborn themselves are impacted extremely negatively by the war's perpetuation! We have seen, with Valechaz and his brokering of contracts, with Zoe and Elijah and their willingness to aid Bree in saving Rootcrafters they don't even know from being harvested as fuel by Shadowborn, even the Shadow King that they are personal wards of, and more, that even those "On the wrong side" of the war are impacted negatively by the war, how they are harmed by it, and how they are denied the chance to thrive in harmony with the world, by those in power on all sides- by the Legendborn Order, by the Shadow King and his Nightshade court, and by every structure of power in place that perpetuates the cycle. This is the conflict of the series, and this is the obstacle that Bree and her allies work to overcome and defeat. Not any individual or individuals, but the systems that they participate in, perpetuate, and control. And even if this conflict can be fixated down to a few specific individuals, Selwyn Kane is not one of them, even as the son of the Shadow King.

Our main trio, Bree, Sel, and Nick, are three of the most powerful entities in the plot. Bree, the Scion of Arthur and the strongest Rootcrafter currently alive. Sel, the son of the Shadow King and of one of the strongest Merlins in history. Nick, the Scion of Lancelot, raised to be the heir of the entire Legendborn order. And of course, that's not even all of the players on the board- there's Valechaz, a balanced Cambion, son of a Nightshade, and major power player in the demonic world; there's Mariah, who very much seems to have been established as the heiress of the Grand Dame, who can use her medium abilities to restrict the Shadowborn and those in league with them; there's William, the Scion of Gawain, who for two hours every day is the most physically powerful person there is, and who is a master of aether healing; and of course, there is Alice Chen, who in her very brief appearance in Oathbound, is established to be actively defying death by sheer force of will alone, has seemingly developed her own supernatural abilities entirely independent of any established form of inheritance, and whose intelligence and stubbornness allowed her to overcome a mesmer from a master- because I don't believe that it was Bree's power alone that made Alice immune to mesmers. There is Natasia Kane, one of the most powerful Merlins in the history of the Order who was able to overcome being cast out from the Order and denied her Oaths, consigned to progressing in her Demonia beyond the point of any Merlin's recorded survival; and there is an entire new generation of Legendborn Scions and Squires, and past generations of Legendborn Lieges and even Vassals that could turn away from the Order and follow Bree- and I believe that several of them will. All of these people, all at different levels of power and influence, working in concert to overcome the structures set against them and create something new and better in its wake, are all but guaranteed to succeed.

When book four comes around, while I'm afraid for the future of the characters we love- including and especially Sel, for whom I have a very great affinity, and whose fate seems to be the most potentially tragic- I have both enough faith in Tracy Deonn's writing and understanding of the story she has written, and enough faith in the characters within it, to be truly afraid for the future of the series and its characters. I want what is best for these characters who I love, and I have full faith in both them and in Tracy Deonn to bring that about.

TL;DR, while I felt there were flaws in Oathbound, its story, and its structure, I am eager and excited for the future of the series and optimistic that things will end well for those involved, and I will be waiting very impatiently for the next book. I do not believe that Selwyn will become an antagonist, and still hold absolute faith that he, Nick, and Bree will all end up happily in the end, together, as they care far too much about each other to let any of them fall. There is far more in store for Alice Chen than any of us know, and of course, Bree Matthews will accomplish everything she puts her mind to- of that, I am certain, and I cannot wait to see it.

[evilkitten3]

Tajima Uchiha's relationship with his sons are so interesting to me like most of the fandom thinks that he was a better father than Butsuma but we haven't seen any of it on-screen and his databook description says another story ...

i don't remember where my copy of the databook is at the moment, but i mainly remember him being described as calm/stoic, and a mention of confidence in relation to madara.

that said, he likely wasn't too different from butsuma since they seemed to parallel one another.

...i typed all that then looked up and saw my databook lmao. let's take a looksie

LONG POST AHEAD YOU WERE WARNED

「・・・代わりにいいものをこちらは手に入れられたようだ・・・」

"...it seems we got something good instead..." (referring to madara's sharingan awakening)

birthday march 28th. died at age 42. aries. 179.0 cm (~5'8"). 60.3 kg (132.9 lbs). blood type a.

his personality is described as 生真面目 (kimajime), which means "overserious", "deeply sincere", or "very earnest".

the text:

冷徹なまでに勝利への算段を講じるうちはの主

the head of the uchiha who level-headedly (alternatively "cool-headedly" or "hard-headedly"; it's an adjective but i kinda have to translate it like it's an adverb so it makes grammatical sense in english sorry) works out a means to victory (no part of this sentence is easy to translate into english - we would use 算段 (sandan) as a verb but here it's used as a noun presumably bc i was put on this earth to suffer)

うちは一族を束ねるマダラの父。一族の隆盛のためには、我が子を利用することも厭わず、自身の息子への愛を客観視し、巧みに用いるをよしとした。愛情に深く、ゆえに非情。ーーー彼もまた、うちはの血の体現者である。

madara's father who governs the uchiha clan. for the sake of the prosperity of the clan, he did not balk at using his own child(ren), took an objective view of his love for his son(s), and made skillful use (of them). he loved deeply and therefore was callous (can also be "cruel", "cold-hearted", or "unfeeling"). ---he too was an embodiment of the blood of the uchiha.

[image is of tajima and izuna arriving to face butsuma and tobirama by the river] text below reads:

長男マダラと千手家の息子の交流さえも、タジマは敵を討つ千載一遇の機と捉えた。

tajima even (or "only") saw the interaction between his eldest son madara and a son of the senju family as a once in a lifetime opportunity to defeat an enemy.

---

all in all, i'd say that more or less matches up with what little we saw of him in the manga. i've talked about this before, but i think a lot of english-speaking fans struggling with viewing relationships in manga through viewpoints outside of their own, and that kinda has a doubled effect when it comes to the founders era, since the japanese lens we need to be looking through to properly understand what the author is trying to convey also has a historical filter attached.

entirely isolated of context, i would personally call them both terrible parents, as well as pretty much everyone else in naruto who is both a shinobi and a parent (fun fact: it is not good parenting to send your child to child soldier academy). in context, though, things change a bit.

first off, tajima and butsuma are the heads of their clans - that means their duty to their clans comes before their responsibilities as parents, something they both embody in their own way. however, i would argue that - possibly just due to how much more of him we see, which still isn't much - we see more of butsuma's love for his children than tajima's (i'll come back to this).

tajima shows us that he has strong confidence in madara's capability as a shinobi (even without the sharingan) and also completely trusts his analysis of their chances against the senju, even knowing of a potential conflict of interest. as soon as madara says they can't win, tajima retreats without question, seemingly just happy that his son has finally awakened the sharingan (the uchiha clan's inter-clan glorification of trauma is. a whole other post i think). he shows no interest in punishing madara for what could be argued was serious treason against the clan.

tajima's trust in madara is probably the most interesting thing about him to me - if you compare him to madara, he's easily winning in that regard. tajima as a leader understands the strengths of those he leads and is able to trust them to do what's best for the clan. tajima believes madara will end his friendship with hashirama for the sake of the uchiha clan, and once madara is presented with unavoidable evidence that hashirama is a member of the enemy clan which remains a direct threat to his brother, madara does so. however, madara is not able to trust the same way. he shows no faith in izuna's abilities as a shinobi in childhood, and as an adult seemed pretty well-primed to jump to izuna's side the instant anything happened (which. when you're fighting senju hashirama. splitting your attention is probably not a good idea).

i think tajima and madara showcase the effects of war trauma in different ways. tajima has lost three of his children, all at ages younger than however old madara is supposed to be there (my guess is 12/13; basing that off of how the ame orphans looked at 15 vs how naruto and co looked at 12/13). he's also likely lost many other people, possibly siblings and definitely at least one parent (somehow i doubt the warring states era in ninjaland had a particularly good retirement rate). tajima is used to loss, has accepted it as an inevitable part of reality, and has accepted that it will happen again. there is a strong likelihood that he will outlive another of his children. thus, as their father and clan head, he wants them to do as much for the uchiha clan as they can while they're still alive. the enemy won't hesitate to cut them down regardless, so all he can do is make them strong and hope it's enough. given that we don't really see madara or izuna interacting with any other uchiha (bc we don't see anything from their perspectives but also madara just Does Not Have Friends), it's likely that tajima's death was what awoke the mangekyou for one or both of them, which would show a very deep bond between them in spite of everything. that's my guess, anyhow.

whereas tajima has accepted and even embraced the risk to his loved ones, madara very much hasn't. he has trust issues from the moment we meet him (we never do learn if that stemmed from something specific, from just general Everything Sucks Ass Always trauma, or from just who he is as a person. i lean towards a mix of the last two), and those never go away. possibly in part bc he's repeatedly proven to be right - he can't trust izuna to take care of himself. he can't trust hashirama with his beloved clan. he can't trust said clan to have his back. he can only trust himself. unfortunately for him he also deeply wants comrades that he can trust, leading him to deciding that other people actually are him and are therefore ok to trust and unfortunately neither of those people are a) him or b) trustworthy.

jumping back to butsuma, the scene that gets most people on the Evil Dad train is the scene where he punches his son in the face. which is understandable bc you should not be punching your kids (or anybody's kids). however, it should be noted that while his sons are young, they're also shinobi. to call them children - as butsuma himself states - disrespects them as ninja. in spite of the use of burial mounds (which iirc japan began to stop using sometime after the introduction of buddhism in the 6th century), the senju clan is heavily implied to be buddhist, or at least whatever the ninja equivalent of mahayana buddhism is.

as @komehyappyou discusses here, butsuma as a japanese buddhist cannot mourn his deceased children because doing so will literally cause them harm in the afterlife. the sooner he moves on, the sooner his dead children are free to do the same. i imagine there's also a shade of this in his refusing to acknowledge kawarama as a child at all, but i think it's still mostly the respect thing. (unfortunately, i don't know nearly as much about japanese buddhism - or any other kind of buddhism, or other religions for that matter - as i would like to, so definitely check out blogs like the one i just mentioned, or @al-hekima-madara-blog for some thoughts on how hinduism shows up in relation to madara!)

[soodoonimin]

Logan Howlett and animal instincts (or in other words my long winded analysis of a comic book character)

So before I start, just know that I have read a lot of comics but I don't know everything. I can take notes all day long but I have a bad memory and comics are confusing so please be nice and enjoy, this took a lot of effort to put together, it’s mostly my thoughts on the character as I read the the comic books. The movie character is a lot different and I will also probably do something like this for movie Logan as well (though it will be significantly shorter).

Also there are some pictures that have blood and body horror so beware.

What does it mean to be human? Well that's a question we as humans have been trying to answer since we could think to ask it and ever since then we've never been able to give a fully conclusive answer. Why? you may ask, well because think about it like this, the traits we most often associate with humanity (higher thinking, creativity, empathy, and love) may not and some times do not always exists solely within us when applied to fiction, we write whole stories about how robots can be human too, how aliens can be human etc etc as long as they have these traits (more or less) AND LOOK I'm not going to get into a whole philosophical discussion about the nature of humanity on Tumblr.com but I do want to take a second to talk about how those traits are applied to Logan and how he has to fight to prove his humanity.

So mutants are an oppressed people but being a mutant isn't always the same for everyone. You can be a mutant like Rouge who can kill people with a single touch or mutant like Storm who can bend the weather to your will (the most obvious example). You can be a mutant like Jean with no obvious physical signs of your mutation or you can be a mutant like Kurt, where 9/10 people think you’re a demon of some kind.

But what happens when you're a mutant like Logan Howlett? I mean you look human enough, sure you're a little more hairy than most people, you have fangs, you smell, and oh yeah the claws but those are retractable so overall....you're just a normal person right? Nothing you can’t hide, right? Yeah, for the most part, yeah. But there are a couple of other things about you that someone might not know from looking at you, you have an extraordinary healing factor, you have almost animal like senses and when you are pushed to your absolute brink you go into a monstrous like a rage and kill everything in sight.

For every gift Logan was born with theres a very real curse attached to each one.

Healing Factor: Logan still feels pain, the healing factor isn’t just limited to his body but it also messes with his memories, and more importantly he’s lived a very long life. In The End comic and Old Man Logan comic etc, when he’s out lived most of the world, he’s miserable.

Keen senses: Seems great, until they’re exploited, imagine what being able to smell and see and hear that well all the time without relief must be like. Imagine not being able to tell when someone is going to die? Or when they’re lying or when they haven’t showered etc. sure you might get used to it like you might get used to pain but that doesn’t make it pleasant.

Claws: Need to really touch on this one? Aside from the obvious please remember that Logan’s claws aren’t in his knuckles but in his fucking forearms so when using them he needs to make an effort to direct them or….

Berserker rage: great to get you out of a pinch but you can’t control it. (We’ll talk more about this later)

Most people don’t see these very real downsides of Logan’s mutation, they just see a small, angry guy, who’s good at fighting and can take a hit better than almost anyone.

Here’s what worse, a lot of people (X-men included) don't see, they don't all the ways Logan hates himself (and those who do don’t see the depths of that hate he has for himself). They don't see the scared little boy whose father was killed in front of him. They don't see that little boy who killed his father's murderer and was abandoned by all but one person for one person (Rose). They don't see the young man who accidentally killed his first love while trying to protect her from his brother. They don't see the man who lived a relatively miserable life being plucked up by a group of people who only saw him as something to be experimented on. They don’t see the man who believes that if he loves someone he's destine to hurt them in one way or another because he has multiple times over (even if it wasn’t always his fault). They don’t see that for all the times that they call Logan an animal, he already believes them and he’s called himself worse many times over.

(Deep down he truly believes he deserves be to alone, especially in death. That would be his “deserved” hell. Eternal loneliness.)

Which is funny because I think Logan goes back and forth in deciding on whether or not he has any humanity in him in the first place. See in the Black, White and Blood comic, the FIRST story told in this series, is an account of Logan’s time at Weapon X and we get this…interaction:

Pourquoi tu me fais ça?///Why are you doing this to me? This "monster" asks him this on the cusp of death....

(Moments during the Weapon X program, be they real memories or not, when Logan’s humanity shone through)

And THIS almost immediately snaps him out of mind control he's under going. I don't know if he understood the words per say but I think even if he didn't, he still understood the plea on a human level. Because it wasn’t Weapon X who responded, it wasn’t the berserker, or Wolverine. It was Logan Howlett. It was a moment of humanity that broke the conditioning he’d been put through that answered that plea and stopped him. Because if you think about it, if these two memories actually are real, that means that Logan recognized this plea as the same one gave to the scientists. Now determining what did or didn't happen during the Weapon X program is difficult to parse out because they implanted false memories. BUT regardless of that there was always a part of him that held onto his humanity. But I think that just adds to the horror of it all. Imagine not being able to know what memories are yours and which ones are not? So let me ask, even if those memories are “false” does that make them any less real? Does that mean that Logan suffered any less under their stewardship? He was still kidnapped, he was still experimented on, still tortured. He still had the adimantium grafted onto his bones, he was still made into a living puppet and was still seen as nothing more than a weapon, an animal, a monster by the very people who were doing all of this to him and in some respects they are the reason he is seen as a monster by others.

At the end of that comic (where he was momentarily snapped out of his conditioning) he states that no his humanity wasn’t stolen from him but he still lives with that guilt of everything he can’t remember and the things he can remember are unreliable.

I know a lot of people haven’t read the comics so I’m not trying to do annoying about it BUT if you get the opportunity to PLEASE go read The Weapon X comic (by Berry Windsor-Smith) & Wolverine’s first limited series run (by Chris Claremont).

I specifically say that second one because I think the story that’s told is probably one of the more interesting told for Logan because of the relationship he has with Yukio and Mariko. I’m not going to get too deep into it because I really think you should read it for yourself but the basic outline of it is that where Mariko loves the man, Yukio loves the “monster”. And when he’s initially trying to court Mariko it’s his attempts to in a sense to court humanity but he fails and when he turns to Yukio. And for her part it’s not just as simple as her loving the “monster” but more than she goads it out of him, for thematic reasons and plot reasons. But needless to say, they both love Logan but they both love an incomplete version of him. (It’s a really good story and it’s literally what sold me on the idea of reading through any of the older comics.)

Anyway, (in the comics and movies especially) some people solely see him as a man with an uncontrollable side that they’d run from at the first sign of aggression and others only want that animalistic side and don’t love the man that Logan is. The thing is, he is both of those things. Think about it like this. As humans we like to think ourselves above the food chain, we like to think of ourselves as *more* than animals. And sure we’re definitely one of the most successful species of animals on Earth and we definitely don’t act on instincts in the same way most animals do, we’ve created society and rules and we do things a lot different than other animals but we are still animals.

So Logan isn’t both a man and an animal anymore than you or me. But he is a man that is more in touch with those animal instincts than the rest of us (bc of his mutation). Which I think is why when he does act on those instincts, people see him as less, because we (yes even comic book characters for this argument) only seem associate those traits with animals, with something lesser than ourselves.

The thing is, being “an animal” doesn’t need to be an insult or a condemnation of any kind. Humans are still animals but humans are still kind, and caring, humans have still created beautiful art and music and food and architecture and have got to the stars will probably go beyond the stars all while still being an “animal”.

So I think where most people get hung up on word “animal” is because it has such a negative connotation when applied to humans. And thus that negative connotation basically perpetuates itself so the only time we call other humans animals is when we mean to attack their humanity.

So back to Logan. Imo, there is no better example of this than the way people, Logan included, treat his (and subsequently him) berserker rage. Logan describes it as a monster that shares his soul, something else inside him, the real thing that makes him a monster, something that he doesn’t like, something he’s scared of, something he can’t always control but that he does everything in his power to keep away from the people he loves. Because Logan doesn’t like to kill, he doesn’t like hurting people. He might be good at it, he might be known for it but that doesn’t mean he likes it. Even when he thinks death is a deserved punishment, he isn't ever happy about having to kill. And he even says as much at one point in the comics.

And as a real quick aside, but this is almost exactly what sets him apart from Victor Creed. They're both men whose mutation gives them heightened animal like traits. The only difference is that Logan is ashamed of those parts of himself especially when they pertain to violence where Victor likes it, enjoys it; he goes out of his way for violence.

(If there is more to Victor Creed than meets the eye please tell me bc I gotta say I don’t actually know too much about him except that any time I see him in any Wolverine media I immediately laugh bc I know the two around to brawl. And I’m almost never wrong lmao)

And mind you there are times when Logan is also a hammer in the sense that he tends to punch his way through most of his problems. But he doesn't go out of his way for it in the same way Victor does despite having every reason to.

Logan has killed people but unlike Victor he isn't a killer. Even if that's what he's "the best at".

So when he goes into this specific rage that labels him a monster (an animal) it’s almost always in front of someone he loves and it’s almost always in a moment when he’s trying to prove his humanity (when it’s being used thematically and not for plot convenience). Like if you go read the comics 9 times out 10 when Logan is being called a monster or animal by some scientist or an enemy looking to humiliate him. But it’s almost always in the mitts of a life or death situation. A situation that anyone would fight light hell to get out of even with an amazing healing factor like Logan’s.

Because he still feels pain.

He still wants to survive.

He still feels.

And at the end of it all, he feels ashamed and horrified with himself and he'll always have to live with that guilt and shame. There's a point in one of the comics when he describes his heart as being slower to heal than the rest of his body and I think its interesting because although that story he's talking more from a "heart broken" sense. I also think that can apply just as equally to idea that it also harder for him to heal from not just heart break but also from shame and guilt. In certain situations, it takes longer for him to forgive himself emotionally because he suffers physically in the short term. He’ll never have a physical scar of his wrong doing and so he carries the emotional weight of it with him.

But also because he isn't just dealing with himself. In those moments when he comes out of that rage, the people he loves are in shock and are scared because they saw the “monster” and some people do reject it and in so they reject him and although rejection is something Logan thinks he deserves, it doesn’t make that pain hurt any less. it doesn't make it any easier to heal just because you agree with them, and in a way I think that's what slows down that healing process. Logan's inability to forgive himself.

Because that's the thing, Logan, would rather be scared of himself than forgive himself, be it because of his past trauma or because of the Weapon X program (which in the Weapon X comic it’s implied if not outright stated that the scientist at Weapon X are the reason he feels the fear he does about himself). Logan is scared of no one on Earth more than the man he sees in the mirror. And that’s because in his lowest moments when he looks in the mirror he doesn't see a man, instead he sees an animal, a monster. He doesn’t need the rest of the world to tell him what he already thinks of himself, it just doesn’t help that he has a choir of voices that are sometimes louder than his own telling him his worst fear is real. He is the monster that hides under his own bed but the problem is, while the monster is 'real' is a physical sense, it does not share a soul with him anymore than the boogeyman does. He wrestles with himself. Somedays he believes he's a man like anyone else and other days he can't drown out the voices telling him he's nothing more than a monster.

And as my last touch on the beserker rage, I want to posit my own theory about it. Personally believe to some extent that it isn’t part of his natural mutation and that instead it’s something that was “given” to him by the Weapon X program. The reason I say this is because I think it would make a lot of sense that like the adimantium claws and false memories it would make sense to give you “weapon” this uncontrollable rage (that mostly comes out in times of great duress). Not just because it would be one more thing Weapon X has taken from him (control over his own emotions/body) but also because wouldn’t that just make sense on the side of the people who ran the project? That your living puppet have a fail safe of sorts in case it ran into something bigger than itself? During the Weapon X comic, the scientist are constantly surprised by how resilient he is and even though some of this surprise happens in a false memory, they really do believe they can kill him at one points so if they thought they could kill him, why not something else? Why not give their investment insurance? And what better insurance for an animal than monstrous rage. 

But of course none of this is even to talk about the kind of person Logan really is. The thing that I think most people (in the comics) tend to ignore about Logan, in favor of focusing on his rough exterior (and some of his more questionable characteristics) is that he really does have a heart of gold. Now do not get me wrong, he can do some pretty fucked up shit (I will not talk about the Jean and Scott love triangle bc it gives me a migraine) but he does regularly do things that show how much empathy he has. That show that despite what he (or the rest of the world) might think, he isn’t a monster. The best examples of this are his relationships and more specifically the relationships where he’s a father/mentor. Like his relationship with Kitty Pryde and Jubilee, two kids that he basically adopts/takes under his wing and constantly goes out of his way for. Some of you might remember this post and the reason Logan does eventually fuck Wade’s shit up is because Wade literally punches the ever living shit out of Kitty in front of Logan. In another comic issue (after this), Logan beats the shit out of Wade again for punching Kitty, it’s funny but it also just goes to show that he does take protection of his family seriously. And mind you he doesn’t hunt Deadpool down, he find him by sheer plot coincidence when he’s getting a book signed for Kitty and the author just so happened to be Deadpool’s mark.

And mind you, Logan does have love for his own kids (Laura and Daken) despite the troubled nature of both this relationships but again those are a little more complicated. That’s partially for plot reasons but also because they play into just how much Logan hates himself that he struggles active show the same love for his adopted family to his “blood” family (again with Daken it’s a lot more complicated) but I also think that not only are his relationships with them fraught because of how much he hates himself but because both Laura and Daken were experimented on just and manipulated like he was (and in Daken’s case by a major player of Weapon X) so while he does love them past his own self hatred, they are also a reminder of his deepest traumas. It’s not their fault and it’s not necessarily Logan’s fault either, it’s just the cards their characters were dealt. (I haven’t read any comics with them yet so once I do I will most likely write my thoughts on his relationship with them each individually)

Regardless, Logan, depsite what he’d like you to think, is a deeply loving, empathetic and loyal person and this doesn’t just extend to people who considers family:

(Logan says this a man who not only a few issues ago was trying to kill him and his partner/friends. He saved Roughouse (the character he went berserk on a few pictures ago) because he was being experimented on in a way not too dissimilar to the way he had been by Weapon X. And if I remember correctly this is before he even knows how he got the adimantium in his bones)

He is James 'Logan' Howlett. He is a man whose life was stolen from him so many times over. He is a man who believes that the worse parts of him are all that matter and fails (or refuses) to see the good he has done in the lives of the people he cares about and believes that only death will truly bring him peace. He is someone who despite his flaws can’t help but to be kind. He is someone who fights like hell for what he believes is right. And even if he believes he’s a monster, even if the world believes he’s a monster, he will try to do the right thing because although he knows his soul is damned that doesn’t mean that exempts him from doing what good he can. He is someone who gives and good as he gets and then some. He’s the best at what he does but for him, that isn’t alway what he thinks it is.

And I think that’s the beauty of Logan as a character. Someone whose life is so wrought with tragedy and yet he is someone who can’t help but to be kind, someone who can’t help but love and care and find the humanity in the world despite the world seeming to be hellbent on taking his humanity away. Even though he (and many people in universe) might disagree with me, he is not only a one of the best humanity has to offer but he is also a shining example of the tenacity of the human spirit.