#this book is making me so fucking emotional this is unacceptable

[coquelicoq]

I hugged the two children while looking around at my companions. [...] Shin Yoosung asked me, "Grandmother? Is Grandmother Sookyung okay?" "I think she should be fine. It is entering the final stages." Relief passed through the party member's faces at my words. Only one face was different. "Hey, why is Dokja hyung's mother your grandmother?" "Ahjussi's mother is my grandmother." "Dokja hyung isn't your father." I quickly patted them on the back. "Now now, don't fight. You can both call her grandmother." "Really? Can I?" "Yes." I watched the red-faced Lee Gilyoung and Shin Yoosung and tried to say something else, but quickly closed my mouth. To these children, what had happened in the past three years? What did these children hear, see and talk about as they passed through dozens of scenarios without me? "…Hyung?" I stroked Lee Gilyoung's head for a long time and Lee Gilyoung looked up at me helplessly. Shin Yoosung, who was staring at the scene, grabbed my hand and placed it on her head. (Chapter 343)

they love you they love you they love you

[bonebabbles]

So since my rose-colored Gray Wing glasses have been torn of my face and stomped into tiny pieces, I’m now wondering if my perception of Clear Sky’s arc is also skewed. I thought his redemption arc was well done (until Star Flower came back) because he was sincerely trying, wasn’t expecting forgiveness, and (unlike a lot of redemption arcs) was not forgiven by most of the characters right away because of how bad his actions were. Until he got with Star Flower, I thought his redemption arc was damn near perfect. Do I have on rose-colored glasses for his redemption arc?

Clear Sky's "redemption arc" is one of the most incompetent bits of writing that has ever blighted the entire series and I promise you I'm not doing hyperbole. It is so bad that it drags down everything it touches, including Gray Wing, Thunder, Acorn Fur, and the entire concept of StarClan.

And, unfortunately, both things you cited there absolutely did not happen, I am going to have to eat your glasses. I'm gonna munch. I'm gonna cRUNCH

"He was sincerely trying"

He wasn't. He just stopped actively shredding random people on his border and then whines that he's "Trying So Hard," using it as yet another guilt trip tactic because he's still an abuser.

The SECOND anyone gives him any criticism (FOR BRINGING A WIFEBEATER INTO HIS CLAN MIND YOU), he twists the fact they're supposed to "forgive him" against them, starts calling Gray Wing slurs for having asthma, and gets offended at a warning while huffing, "no one tells me what to do!"

Like a big fucking baby

And he only let Tom into his clan (even implying he's not a REAL cat because he's fat + an ex-kittypet) because he promised he could show him how to "fight dirty."

AND ALSO he is fully aware that this man kidnapped children in a previous book; but Blazing Star completely forgets major details of the previous three books in a way that is absolutely unacceptable. You are practically reading a new continuity.

"He was not forgiven by the other characters right away"

He was. He was literally, immediately forgiven in the very opening of Blazing Star. By Gray Wing and Thunder, because the narrative decided that Everyone Is Responsible.

Even back in First Battle, right after the fight ends we get a line that gives Bramblestar a run for his money. "WE let it get too far." The narrative even scrambles for some reason to make a woman responsible and grabs Tall Shadow for some fucking reason.

Acorn Fur doesn't even mention that CLEAR SKY WAS STARVING HER FATHER before she decides to move in with him, because she would miss her parents too much on the moor... those parents who just died. In the battle Clear Sky started.

Everyone immediately forgives him and kisses his butt because "The guilt will hurt him more than any actual consequences :((( He was just under so much pressure of leading guys.... which is why he should continue to lead............"

I've actually had a hard time continuing my reread because I've actually been fucking enraged at how Thunder is swooning over his daddy "finally looking at him" uwu

This is painted like a good thing. This is a sweet and nice thing that finally, the abusive ghoul who shoved his face into a festering wound and said he shouldn't have been born just before trying to kill him and all of his friends 'respects him.' Oh Joyous Day Yippee Hooray!

How this ruins the other characters

It destroys Gray Wing because it makes ALL this dogshit behavior that he displayed for the first three books correct. In spite of how GOD awful this "Redemption Arc" is, you are supposed to believe that there is good "deep down" within Clear Sky. That all of this abuse apologia was wisdom. Gray was, and IS, right to take every insult and understand it as humility, and the Clear Sky on the page is actually a Good Boi who Really Does Love His Clan.

It ruins Thunder because even after ALL of that physical and emotional abuse and neglect, he's still supposed to honor Clear Sky as "You'll always be my father." These destructive impulses to want his approval are good and natural in this narrative, not something to confront or fundamentally question.

Fuck, just look at the Tom Redemption. The writers LOVE abusive parents. Even if they beat the shit out of your mom, get her killed, kidnap you, and had no part in raising you, "they still love you and would die for you." Tom's Redemption and Clear Sky's Redemption are just different lines in the same song.

Acorn Fur moves in with the guy who held one of her parents hostage and ultimately got both of them killed

And STARCLAN forms to "tell clear sky what to do," because in the baffling Fear vs Greed Dichotomy this series thinks is some kind of thesis, Clear Sky was just "afraid," not "greedy," and that means his fucked up little head can be fixed by the comfort a religious force can bring. He wasn't abusive because he loves having power over people, the thing that is right there on the page, nope, he really was just worried about death or responsibility or something.

This isn't even getting to the person he is in later material. He's a MONSTER in Moth Flight's Vision, as if his growth never happened.

And this is taking him all at face value-- in a meta sense, the sheer amount of female characters that get brutalized just for his man pain is legitimately dizzying. 2 mates die, 2 innocent women slaughtered, a child beaten and another starved to death, and even pregnant Star Flower gets pinned to the ground and licked on the face as her assaulter talks about how much he wanted her as a mate

This is the worst arc in the entire Warrior Cats franchise and it is spinning on the crap-axis that is Clear Sky's 'redemption'.

The arc is bad BECAUSE it is working towards this idea, that the best villain the series ever wrote has to become the writer's Poor Little Meow Meow halfway through 6 books, so we can get to our regularly scheduled Born Evil Foreigner Villains Who Hate Love And Friendship.

Imagine TPB but Fireheart cries that self defense against Clanborn cats makes you Just As Bad, Tigerstar was just scared or something, and you get two Diet Scourges. That's DOTC.

[vampyrsutton]

KiriBaku~Mutual Masturbation

Summary:

Bakugou refuses to admit he’s a bottom so they have a little competition about it.

Tags:

Kinktober 2020, Mutual Masturbation, Demisexual Bakugou Katsuki, Disaster Gays, Competitive Handjobs, Cum Eating

“Hey, Shitty Hair! Are you even listening?!” Bakugou yelled at his boyfriend who obviously wasn’t as he jumped.

Kirishima jumped from where he had been spacing off at his boyfriend. Bakugou had his hair clipped back which really shouldn’t have been as hot as it was yet here they were. The A/C was also out in the dorms thanks to Denki accidentally frying it, so between the sweat gathering across the blonde’s muscles, the flush on his cheeks, and the fan ruffling his hair well...Kirishima was only human and math was boring. 

“Uhh, yeah Bakubabe, totally. Uh… something about trice-I mean triangles , right?” Kirishima laughed, rubbing the back of his neck as he hoped Bakugou wouldn’t be too mad. 

‘Trice-? ...This horny ass!’ Bakugou huffed. “That was twenty minutes ago you disaster gay!”

“But Bakubabe~!” Kirishima pouted. ”We’re literally dating, and you’re really hot! Literally!”

“Yeah, and?! You don’t see me spacing off at your muscles!”

Kirishima gave a toothy smirk now, “Are you sure about that Bakugou? Didn’t Denki actually manage to land a hit when I was fighting Todoroki last week?”

Bakugou’s face was now red for another reason, “S-shut up, Shitty Hair! I-I just noticed you had a new move is all!”

“Mmhm~ Sure~!” The red head laughed as he stretched. “Whatever you say Bakubabe, but we both know you’re not dating me for my brains.”

Bakugou’s frown deepened, but for a different reason now. “Kiri… We’ve talked about this.”

Kirishima winced at the mood change, but tried to laugh it off. “Come on, babe. It was just a joke.”

“What we both know is that it wasn’t,” Bakugou frowned as he pushed his text book away, and pat his lap. “Get over here, Kiri.”

Kirishima pouted but wasn’t going to complain about his boyfriend’s sudden softness as he moved to sit in the blonde’s lap facing him. “It really was a joke this time.”

“Don’t care. The fact you have to say ‘this time’ is unacceptable,” Bakugou huffed as he hugged his boyfriend close. “What do I keep telling you?”

“Bakugo…”

“Kiri.”

Kirishima sighed as he slumped against the other, “Sorry, babe.”

“The hell are you apologizing for?!” Bakugou tried to pull back to glare at the red head.

“You were supposed to be tutoring me and I made it depressing,” Kirishima pouted, not letting the blonde look at his face. 

Bakugou pulled back and took Kirishima’s face in his hands so he couldn’t hide, “Shut the hell up. You have not a damn thing to apologize for. You have emotions and insecurities. Big fucking deal. Showing them is one of the manliest things you can do.” The blush on his face was definitely from the heat. Nothing else. 

Kirishima’s lip jutted out a little at being unable to hide, but he leaned into the touch. “How did I manage to snag you?”

“You exist.” Bakugou smirked as he placed a small kiss on the tip of Kirishima’s nose, making the redhead giggle. “And you’re kind.” He continued littering his boyfriend’s face with little kisses with each fact he listed. 

“And you’re manly.” He kissed his forehead. 

“And you’re strong inside and out.” He kissed his right cheek. 

“And beautiful inside and out.” He kissed his left cheek. 

“You put up with my shitty personality. Shut up.” He kissed his mouth when Kirishima tried to protest his own self dig.

“You have the biggest heart of anyone I’ve ever met, and a strong as hell quirk. Now if only it would protect that heart too.” He kissed the red head’s pulse to emphasize his point but also to hide his own embarrassment in the other’s neck. “Demi remember? If I fell for you it was way more than just your body. So stop talking bad about yourself. Got it?”

Kirishima gave a shaky laugh, “I don’t know Bakubabe. If this is my punishment I don’t know if I can promise that.”

Bakugou rolled his eyes as he felt the boy’s previously softening bulge start to grow again and nipped where he previously kissed. “Horny ass.”

“Ahh! G-guilty as charged. What can I say? I have a thing for soft Bakubabe.”

The blonde just rolled his eyes. He knew the dumbass was deflecting, but decided to let it go. Bakugou knew the red head would talk if he wanted to so wouldn’t pressure him if he wasn’t up for being vulnerable right now. “Yeah I can feel that. You’re poking me in the stomach with it.”

He could feel the other’s cheek heat up under his palm at being called out. “O-oh. You can?”

Bakugou hummed against Kiri’s pulse as he let a hand trail down his boyfriend’s chest. He caught a nipple on his way past and suddenly found himself on his back.

He would explode anyone who tried to say the noise he made was a yelp. 

“Dammit, Kiri! You could’ve just said something, dumbass! The homework isn’t due for another two da-” He finally looked at Kirishima’s face and trailed off at the look in his eyes. Like he wanted to eat him alive. 

“Sorry, Bakubabe.” Kirishima breathed, dipping his head down to claim a kiss much deeper than the pecks Bakugou was giving him earlier. “I know this stuff isn’t really your thing and I don’t wanna pressure you.”

Bakugou rolled his eyes, “Idiot. I’m glad you’re supportive, but I think we’ve already established the emotional bond is there or we wouldn’t be in this position right now.” He would deny the color that rose on his cheeks until the day he died.

Kiri’s face softened, “Yeah. Yeah I know. I’d be in pieces by now if not. It just also calms my nerves to let you initiate instead.”

Bakugou looks at him for a second, “Is that why we’ve been dating since second year and haven’t gotten past blow and hand jobs?”

Kirishima looked away, “I didn’t want you to be uncomfortable.”

Bakugou blinked then groaned, throwing an arm over his face. “You absolute, dumbass. Just...god maybe I should’ve let you read that notebook last year when stupid Deku thought he’d get back at me,” he grumbled.

It was Kirishima’s turn to blink, but in confusion before his horny brain helped him out for once and his grin returned to the wickedness that had pinned Bakugou under him in the first place. “Oh?”

A red eye glared into his own from behind Bakugou’s arm that was still covering his face. “Fuck you, Shitty Hair.”

His grin just widened as he dipped his head down to nibble at Bakugou’s ear, making the blonde’s breath hitch. “Hmmm, no I think it will be the other way around,” he hummed before nipping at Bakugou’s neck.

“Ngk! Wha- Huh? Wait! Did you just assume I’m bottoming?!” The blonde raged when his brain caught up, moving his arm to try and glare at his shark toothed boyfriend.

Kirishima pulled back so Bakugou could see his smirk, “You’re kind of a pillow princess, Kat.”

Bakugou would blame his blush on anger, “Fuck yo- Shut up!”

Kirishima was snickering but moved into a plank position to give Bakugou some space and avoid the elbow that tried to attack his side. “So how do you propose we solve this? ‘Cause I’m okay with bottoming the first round if it will make you more comfortable, but I really wanna top at some point, Kat.”

Bakugou just glared at him, “No more pussy footing around me with this shit either… Let me up for a second.”

Kirishima tilted his head, but did as his boyfriend asked, “Sure?”

Bakugou avoided eye contact as he reached under his pillow and pulled out the mentioned notebook, flipping to a page before shoving it in Kirishima’s face so he couldn’t see how red his face was. 

Kirishima took the notebook so he could actually read it before his smirk returned, “So it was that kind of dream journal, huh?”

of his joggers. “I thought it’d be hot.”

“Dumbass,” Bakugou huffed as he pulled Kirishima down by his hair into another kiss.

Kirishima hummed happily into the kiss before moaning into it when he realized Bakugou’s other hand had moved down to start pumping his cock. “Fuuuck~ Katsukiiii~” he whined.

Bakugou smirked as he pulled him down to sit on the bed with him, “Now we should be about even, huh?”

“Meanie,” Kirishima pouted before spitting into his hand to return the favor.

“Yeah yeaaaah~! Fuuuuck!” Bakugou’s eyes squeezed shut as Kirishima began stroking him in return, clearly having more of an idea of what he was doing than the blonde.

Kirishima just hummed as he ran his thumb over the slit on his way back down, pleased with himself when Bakugou’s own hand stuttered. 

Bakugou knew he stuttered but wasn’t going to give up either, ‘Okay so maybe I have been slacking.’

“Katsukiiii~” Kirishima exaggeratedly moaned into the blonde’s ear causing the blonde to flush. “Do you know how many times you’ve actually given me a hand job?”

“Tch, how the hell should I know?” Bakugou grumped, copying Kirishima’s movements, and being pleased with the resulting moan.

“Sh-shouldn’t be too hard since you haven’t. Sucked me off plenty of times but not once have you been the one to jerk me off. Something about efficiency, but I think it’s just ‘cause you like the taste of my cock.” Kirishima smirked as he sped up his pumps to a speed he knew Bakugou liked.

“H-huh? N-no I’ve definitely- Fuck~” Bakugou wracked his currently hazy brain only to come up blank and not just from the attention Kirishima was now giving his head. “Fuuuck~ Eiii~” he whined.

“Hmmm? Reme- ahhh~ remembered now did you?” The red head stuttered when Bakugou copied his earlier action of swiping his thumb over his slit. “Not that I’ve been complaining, babe. You certainly know what you’re doing with that mouth of yours.” 

The flush had reached Bakugou’s ears by now as he panted, biting his lip to choke back moans. “Shu-shut up, Shitty Ha-Ahhhh~”

Kirishima had moved down to play with his balls as he bit the blonde’s ear lobe. “I don’t think I will.” He hummed, sucking and biting a sizable mark into Bakugou’s neck, just under his ear. 

Bakugou grabbed Kirishima’s shoulders now as Kirishima continued to mark him and pump him to the edge. “Eijirooou~! Fuuuck! Please. Fine. You win. Just finish me oooooff fuck!” He dug his fingers back into the red head’s hair as the other nipped at his pulse and gave a squeeze at his base.

“With pleasure, Kat.” Kirishima groaned when his boyfriend pulled his hair before he pulled the blonde into his lap once more and took both of them in hand, chasing both of their orgasms. 

“Ahhhh~ Eiiii~! Fuuuck! God! I should’ve let you read the stupid book the first time! Ahhhh!” Bakugou buried his face in Kirishima’s neck, biting down where his neck and shoulder met to keep his volume down. 

“Fuck! God Kat! I got you, babe. Fuck, I’m gonna fuck you so good later. Gonna completely ruin you.” Kirishima continued to ramble as he squeezed near their bases, bucking their hips together.

Bakugou moaned into Kirishima’s shoulder, determined to at least leave marks of his own if he couldn’t win as he bit and sucked along Kirishima’s bronzed skin.

“Shit, right there, babe.” Kirishima groaned, loving Bakugou’s marking as he continued to pump. “God, I fucking love you. You know that. How did I get so lucky. Fuck, Kat, you’re so good.”

Bakugou whimpered at the praise, tugging at Kirishima’s hair again in response, knowing he’d know what it meant.

Kirishima groaned, leaning into the treatment before leaning back in to sink his teeth into Bakugou’s shoulder. 

“Ahhhh~! Eijiroooou~!” Bakugou threw his head back, moaning loudly at the bite as he came hard over Kirishima’s hand and their stomachs.

The sound of Bakugou coming undone at his hand and mouth did Kirishima in as he thrust a few more times before painting their stomachs as well. 

Bakugou’s head fell back against Kirishima’s shoulder as they sat there panting through the post orgasm high. “Fuck…”

“Yeah,” Kirishima agreed against Bakugou’s shoulder, feeling around on the bed for the shirt he knew was tossed up here. 

Bakugou eventually grew annoyed at Kirishima’s moving around, just wanting to rest so sat back up and grabbed Kirishima’s hands. “Stop moving, dumbass.” 

“But we gotta clean up before we can cuddle,” Kirishima pouted.

Bakugou raised an eyebrow before remembering something the redhead said and smirking. Red eyes locked together, Bakugou brought Kirishima’s cum covered hand to his mouth and started slowly licking it clean.

Kirishima’s eyes widened and his mouth fell open as he watched the sight before him. He winced when his still sensitive dick twitched in interest, but made no move to stop the blonde as he worked his tongue around each finger. 

‘Hmmm, damn him for being right.’ Bakugou thought to himself, not realizing his eyes had closed until he opened them to look Kirishima in the eye once more before moving down his lap to start cleaning the red head’s abs. 

He didn’t make it very far before he once again found himself on his back with dangerous red eyes boring into his own. 

“Katsuki,” Kirishima panted. “...I think you should stop. We just came but if you keep that up I can’t guarantee a round two won't happen sooner rather than later."

Bakugou blinked up at him before smirking. “Well then, Shitty Hair. I guess it’s a good thing my neighbor’s requested room changed after last year ‘cause you did win after all.” The blonde hummed, reaching up to tug Kirishima’s hair once more.

Kirishima groaned loudly, “Fuck. How did we make it over a year?” 

“You’re the one that pussyfooted. Now get down here and make up for lost time.” Bakugou smirked wickedly.

Kirishima’s grin turned feral as he leaned down to kiss away the blonde’s smirk. “Don’t get mad at me when you can’t walk tomorrow.”

“I’ll be pissed if I can, Shitty Hair.” Bakugou groaned, kissing right back.

Aizawa received a room change request from Bakugou’s downstairs neighbor the next morning. 

[winterandwords]

WIP Wednesday

@oh-no-another-idea tagged me in this one a while back. Thank you, friend!

Look at me doing a tag on the write day twice in one week. Since WIP Wednesday seems to be whatever you want to make it, I'm going to talk about an aspect of Project Aria that I'm really enjoying and then share a little snippet that shows it in action.

Bridge From Ashes (set in the same world) was Rafe's story from his perspective. He's very much about the "I'm a bad person who does bad things. I hate everyone and everyone hates me" traumatised sad boy feels, but there are moments throughout the book that show him doing genuinely kind things and other people clearly seeing him as a safe person. He doesn't acknowledge it because it doesn't even cross his mind that be might be perceived as anything remotely positive outside of being vaguely useful.

In Project Aria, we meet him again but from Aria's perspective. She immediately feels safe and comfortable with him. She notices that he has difficulty with eye contact, whereas he doesn't admit that to himself and sees it as "Fuck it, I'm not looking at people". She understands his discomfort around talking to himself as a trauma response, but he sees it as "I don't care enough about anyone to get close to them". She also sees his attempts to be reassuring and gentle as a very damaged person doing their best, whereas he sees those attempts as a bad person doing an impression of a slightly less bad person.

They're both fucked up by the same system, but from opposite sides. They've both spent their whole lives feeling bad, dangerous and unacceptable. They're both reckless adrenaline junkies with violent tendencies who struggle with emotional connection and have experienced complete destruction of bodily autonomy.

So... ✨PLATONIC SOULMATES VIBES✨ I didn't intend this to be such a strong theme of Project Aria, but that's how it's decided to go.

"[....] So I don't think you're fragile and I'm not scared of breaking you. I don't think I could break you if I tried. But I don't want to hurt you worse, because I know how hurt you've already been." And I can't speak. I want to, but all the words get stuck in my throat behind a whole pile of shitty memories that still know how to choke me and probably always will. I swallow hard to bury it all and finally I manage a whispered, "Thank you." He puts his hand on the couch next to me. Not touching me, but near enough that I can tell it's meant to be some kind of comfort. "For not wanting to hurt you?" I set my hand next to his with an empty space that may as well be a mile between our fingers, but I think he might understand that this is closer than I usually get. "For knowing. And for saying it out loud. And for it meaning something."

I'm leaving this as an open tag for anyone who wants to share something about their WIP today, and also tagging a few people who I think might be interested in this aspect of the story just so share it with them. Obvs feel free to do the tag as well if you want 💜

@thegreatobsesso @kaiusvnoir @indecentpause @pertinax--loculos @i-can-even-burn-salad @drippingmoon @words-after-midnight @diphthongsfordays @ezestreet @nanashi23 @manathen @elbritch-kit

[angorwhosebabyisthis]

[cw: abuse apologism, ableism both anti-autistic and anti-NPD, metaphorical sensory torture, physical and emotional abuse, child abuse, sibling and parental abuse.]

ivan and adam's dynamic is sticky to dive into because boyyyy howdy is the idea of 'mutual abuse' one to approach with the sensitivity gloves On, and ivan definitely becomes physically and verbally/emotionally abusive toward adam after the coma...

...but even ignoring the tip-of-the-iceberg red flags for adam having abused ivan when they were younger, i'm realizing the more i look at it that adam's behavior toward him is also deeply emotionally abusive. and not in an 'abuse victim with no power in the situation looking for any opportunity to get away with potshots against their abuser, even when it's below the belt' way. it's abusive in a 'constantly looking for opportunities to shove an autistic's hands into Unbearable Bad Textures in situations where they can't resist or get away, and will face humiliation and social punishment--and likely further sensory torture--for trying' way.

(to be more specific, while i don't doubt that ivan is also autistic, by the above i mean that he very blatantly has NPD, and adam does the equivalent.)

this isn't reserved for when they're out of earshot of the general, either. adam does it in extraordinarily nasty manner in front of them both, and not only does the general not express disapproval, he takes adam's side. adam is, again, not having to dodge around a dynamic where their father will favor ivan over him if conflict and/or abuse gets involved; if anything, ivan is the one who waits until they're out of his sight to be nasty to adam.

which is, you know, characteristic of some kinds of abuse; not letting him off the hook there. but of the two, adam is the one we see brazenly and openly get away with abusive behavior toward ivan, despite the general supposedly favoring him. andrakkus loses his shit when adam indicates the idea of ivan is less than perfect while he's not around, but when it comes to how adam treats him the general does not protect him--express any kind of care for his physical or emotional wellbeing at all--ever.

if anything, the general gets cold and nasty toward ivan when ivan is a dick toward adam in front of him without disguising it behind faux-concern, or doesn't do things for him that he was told to. even just neutrally saying 'forgive me for speaking out of turn, but i'm not sure [adam] is up to this' almost gets him punched on the spot, which the general barely restrains himself from; whereas adam has to REALLY go over the line for what the general thinks is unacceptable--to the point of outright defector rhetoric--to get hit in the face. regardless of whether and how much of a regular occurrence it might have been before the coma, he has to push HARD for it to happen afterward, during the period of time where ivan is being abusive.

the books try to play it off like ivan's the one with all the power over adam, who can do and get away with whatever he wants; but it is shown consistently, over and over, to be the exact opposite. praising ivan and elevating him above adam is always something the general does to hurt adam directly. ivan does not actually benefit from the general's 'favor' that we see, ever, except for getting a medal and a party, until he's finally promoted when the general thinks adam is dead. he has no agency when it comes to adam unless it's behind the general's back, or in a situation where his method of doing things is judged more effective for the mission.

like. insulting adam constantly, and choosing him to do drills with so he can beat him up, is abusive. (assuming adam did not have a choice in the latter, which isn't stated but seems like they're trying to imply.) he had the choice not to do those things. it's not okay.

but it's fucking skeezy as shit that the books try to make you root for adam as the underdog in this dynamic, who's Kind of Mean to His Abuser but It's Justified to Find Little Opportunities to Fight Back Where He Can; because if we're going to play by those rules, it's ivan who is clearly lashing out at an abuser he has very little power over outside of a couple pockets of agency he can find.

like. this isn't even going into how adam's ableist abuse of him is part of a pattern where he's good at seeking out, and then taking advantage of, neurodivergence to abuse and manipulate people. that's a post of its own probably, or a reblog in this thread. but god damn does it make my skin crawl that these books expect you to cheer for--with--an abuser forcing their autistic victim's hands into sandpaper while they're not allowed to pull away or scream.

[cybermeep]

i started this off with a sudden thought, but i realized that doesn’t really ease into what i wish to say. then again, this is all gibber gabble.

i guess to say plainly my day was.. odd. a teacher of mine made me cry; always embarrassing, even more embarrassing when on the first day of said class you cried about how you weren’t good enough to take it and not intelligent enough. how awful… my friend comforted me, and he helped me with some of the problems. i really do appreciate him..

because of this, and my sensitivity afterwards, i seemed to do that thing i sometimes do where i am acutely sensitive/scared/IDK man. i shouldn’t be here, im just intruding, [how are you intruding by simply sitting somewhere, doing your own thing? paradoxical that i have these thoughts, i know, especially when with everything else i am put together] god fucking damn it, & don’t forget the

[remembers suicidal ideation is not a nice thing to mention as it creates a awkwardness and is socially unacceptable & causes worry which is silly because said ideation is not at all put into reality]

ummmmmmmmm. thoughts of sitting in the mud with worms, or something.

i know its foolish, which only makes me even more upset. doing things which aren’t rational or are in fits of emotion is disorienting for me. i don’t believe it is people-pleasing, because that in its own right feels wrong. people-pleasing would be as if i let anyone walk all over me, constantly paranoid of people not liking me; its not that. i don’t really care what strangers think, and although i do care what certain people think like some friends or close acquaintances i also have my own bodily autonomy and do things because i want to. i genuinely wonder if its an over abundance of empathy…. that feels the most logical.

what was i saying… oh yeah, because of this over abundance of sorts, i left early. i also didn’t want to be seen crying; i am an ugly crier and prefer to not be observed when i am in this state, as putting the burden on another human being even if accidental is torture. plus its uncomfortable. i bought a drink which i will simply let the quote that originally started this off say

I DON’T EVEN LIKE SELTZER.

on library carpet next to radiators… i believe? probably incorrect terminology. next to green & orange wires. pink strawberry beverage in hand. strawberry creme…? as a man named [name starts with n] put it, similar taste to radio static. so far its been industrial & radio static, it seems.

its…. well, i stop crying because of how revolted i am of the taste, if thats any constellation. i like constellations.. off track. i drink most of it, not eager to waste my own money. i tell my friend once i see him it reminds me of what the pain of a crucifixion would feel like. he laughs.

i cry again, and then, quote, lock in, of sorts. a lot of ups & downs.

im okay, i think. i realized amidst a bus ride its been long over 14 days since becoming friends with the earthworms and participating in their intricate rituals. metaphor. i stopped counting, but i believe its been a month…

i originally said i was going to celebrate this milestone by buying a book about insects, but its better to simply appreciate this milestone without any physical counterpart. i don’t need to do something so silly for something that was never meant to occur, anyway

whatever, i got to see the robins in my yard & the mother bird. they built a nest next to our screen door

the nature & beauty i see in the everyday is enough of a gift, as cliché as it sounds

[keefwho]

June 06 - 2023 Tuesday

7:44 AM

It’s time to plan new activities but frankly I do not know what to do with myself. I need to take in some new information, I think I’ve been getting reverby. Or I need to try something drastic because I feel like I’ve only been getting worse. But the mental pathways that cause all my problems are incredibly complex and ever changing, it’s very hard to keep track of them. I do know that for awhile I felt pretty okay aside from my intense anxiety but lately I’ve lost myself as a person. I think it could have something to do with how I suppress my emotions, as much as I liked to proclaim that I had become more expressive ever since last June. I keep a lot of myself in because I feel like I would push others away or otherwise be unaccepted. And my low self worth makes me feel like my thoughts and feelings aren’t valid compared to other people’s. Maybe the next week could be about trying to express myself more and I’d also like to re-read my ACT book and try to pick those ideas up again. 

Other than that I want to give the thinking a break because I’ve been doing too much of it. This is why I delegated Tuesday’s to being the time I can go wild theorizing about what I can do better and why I am the way that I am. If I do it all the time then I miss out on living life. The actions I plan on Tuesday should be helping me throughout the week so I don’t HAVE to think about things so deeply. I should trust in my own system and stick to it. 

Every day starting tomorrow I’m going to read one of the main 6 chapters in the act book. I will also find a way to be expressive in anything that I do and schedule maybe 30 minutes a day to make sure I’m doing it at least a little bit. 

I feel like something big needs to change in myself to get myself back on track. I hate feeling how I do right now. I don’t like feeling like I could lose everything in an instant all due to how fucked up I am. I think I’d need to change a lot of core behaviors but I’d need to identify them first and figure out how I could do things in a more constructive way. Part of being expressive will be trying to write my journal entries at the end of the day like the things I do actually matter. Sometimes I omit information because of how useless it is even though it was clearly important enough to be on my mind. Some of the things I find interesting I don’t think are interesting to other people or even enough so to be stated in private. I want to treat myself with more respect and let myself be known. I am valid.

8:13 AM

It’s too easy to convince myself I’m unwanted and therefore should not be taking up space. I base my value off of the perceived value others give me but not only are my appraisals usually wrong, I also shouldn’t tie my value to that. 

I remember how useful it was to realize that my thoughts and feelings are inside me and not representative of reality. But I’m finding it very hard to do that again. It’s like I’m stuck in my own skull. Almost like I enjoy being here. It’s easier to stay down than to pick myself up. But if I stay like this then I will never be happy and I WILL lose the good things I have. Good things take work and upkeep. Nothing is ever easy. But thats what makes them good things. 

10:51 PM

Time to write a journal entry like I’m valid, even if I don’t feel like it. Everything I do is important to me. It was my first day waking up at 7am. I ate corned beef hash with eggs and toast, and an entire small onion mixed into it. I started cooking late so I was a little late to streaming which turned out okay because I finished the commission early. I feel like I could have done better on this commission for Goodtimes and I wish I did. The problem was that he wanted a color scheme and lighting that I really hate so it’s hard to do well. I can’t actually tell when it looks “good” but he seemed to like it. Also the amount of time I put in seemed a bit low and I hope that doesn’t mean I unintentionally rushed it. After stream I cleaned my bathroom floor and toilet. I caught another mouse which was very cute, something about it was cuter than others. Maybe it was the way it tried sticking it’s nose out of the trap holes. It didn’t act as afraid, it acted curious like when I had pet mice that would come to the walls of the cage. It even got me considering cleaning out my old fish tank so I could keep the mouse. I also looked on Amazon for some new potential habitats. In the end I determined I don’t want to spend money and I don’t have room to put the fish tank. I also don’t want to deal with cleaning it or anything and I don’t know how cruel it is to keep a wild mouse alone. The last one I kept seemingly died of loneliness. The mouse is still currently in the trap and I think it actually died which is weird since it’s only been in there today. After my shower I made a little pizza for lunch with some of my own pepperoni and cheese added. Keeping up with the theme lately, I hung out in David’s server while I did my remaining work. I’m not feeling very confident there, I don’t relate to anyone very much. Lowkey the group calls are annoying. I kinda only wanna talk to David but everyone else swarms him since he’s like their leader. He’s expressed interest in better one on one time though, I think he might be bothered by the swarming. I wouldn’t know though and I don’t know how long it’s been going on. I’m starting to make assumptions so I’ll stop. After that I did some drawing on my own, I drew quite a lot today. I started a few things I’m excited about like my horse sona and a glory hole pic that is looking real good. Also a secret little something to go with another letter I’m going to send out as soon as possible to a certain someone. I took a break with TOTK at some point and then Daisy and I watched 2 of the new MLP gen 5 episodes. It got me really inspired to draw more ponies, I love the designs of some of them. Part of me wants to get back on brand and draw things based on the episodes. In classic fashion I want to draw some mildly brutal content, I’ve always been drawn to producing it. I like capturing something that can spark feelings of empathy, or like the feeling you get when looking at a crying puppy or something. In some way I also enjoy the kinds of people that get upset over it, they are fun to watch. But I also want to make some wholesome content because just like before, I’m not a perv for the show. It brings me true joy and comfort and I love getting invested in the world and characters. The reason I draw anything at all for it is because I love it so much. 

I forgot to read my previous entries today so I’ll try to remember to do that tomorrow morning. 

[foxounderscorecube]

The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo - Taylor Jenkins Reid

4½ ⭐

With the hype this book got, I was optimistic enough but cautious not to get my hopes up too high. It started off neither weak nor strong, but when it got going, it got going. What a fucking book!

It's sort of a framed narrative: the present-day parts of it are from the perspective of Monique, but Evelyn's past - which makes up the bulk of the book - is recounted by her as they sit in her office recording. As Evelyn tells her story and they spend time together, Monique takes some aspects of Evelyn with her, becoming bolder and more forthright. There are cute little newspaper clippings and the like from the time period being spoken about, too, which mostly serve to show the view of complete outsiders divorced (ha) from Evelyn's perspective entirely.

Honestly, I do just adore Evelyn. She's not exactly a beacon of morality, nor does she pretend to be - she knows how to manipulate the people and places around her and does so, compromising herself and others if she sees fit to do so. But that's kind of what makes her so compelling. She's calculating and smart and, overall, dedicated. Most of all, she feels real. Larger than life, for sure, but like a whole person. I'll never not be amazed at fictional characters like that, that make you forget sometimes that they're not real people. Also, she's a bisexual Latina queen. Interesting to me was the aspect of herself who wanted to connect more with her identity as a Cuban, having buried it for the sake of her own marketability. I related to that sense of estrangement to (part of, in my case) one's ethnicity, because I was raised in the UK and barely know my Tico family, and I do cling to any little bit of connection I can get with it.

A big part of the plot is Evelyn's relationship with her sexuality - the internal struggle she has with keeping her career together while not wanting to deny herself her adoration of Celia (and attraction to women as a whole). Owing to the way Evelyn is as a person, and Celia's own flaws, the turbulence of their relationship doesn't feel ridiculous or like conflict has been put there for the sake of it. It's an intense relationship in a time that was unaccepting, and that inevitably strains things. They do just love each other so much, though. I'm so glad that they were able to live out Celia's final years together without conflict and judgement. Their little wedding together in their bed was just the cutest!!

Really, this book is about love in all of its forms, and I am a sucker for that. Evelyn experiences platonic, familial, and romantic love at different points; she discovers the feeling of lust early in her relationship with Don; she is loved as a concept and not as a person by Max; she uses a total lack of love to her advantage in a few of her marriages; she experiences a whole load of emotions over the course of her daughter's life. Even her whole reason for getting Monique to write her biography is influenced a lot by love.

The ending is bittersweet, as seems fitting. It was one of those books that I closed and was like, "well. fuck" and had to take a minute. This is one I look forward to rereading again in the future - although what a shame I won't be able to experience it for the first time again!

[poppy-metal]

"The first time you hear Izuku moan your name, its with you hiding on the other side of his closet door, your hand clapped over your mouth in shock.”

A/N: im placing this before the sexual side of their relationship begins. A prelude of sorts, if you will.

Cw: voyeurism, smut, dekus secretly dirty mouth.

All things considered izuku’s room was...not as gross as you expected a staple college aged guys dorm room to be. It was cluttered but not disgusting, posters of comics and figurines and manga and some clothes strewn about, everything kind of frenzied and haphazard. It was so incredibly deku, a secret smile pulled at your lips, even though your reasons for being here were less than innocent

He’s wearing fucking pink. Because of course he is, of course izuku is humble and comfortable in his masculinity enough to pull off a bright pink t-shirt. It hugs his chest too, and you have to wonder if literally any of his clothes fit him and the tits he decided to grow in college. His image is so utterly imposing, his smile so bright, and laugh so airy, it sends butterflies flipping through your stomach at just the sight of him and that makes you want to vomit. Your lips curl in a sneer and you’re walking towards him and the group of friends he’s talking to as if on reflex. 

Stupid, lovely deku. You knock your shoulder into his as you pass, hard enough that his books clatter and fall to the floor, scattering. And then those green eyes are on you, giving you his attention and your body feels alive, your blood cells buzzing under your skin even as he frowns. The dimples on his freckled face fall as he takes you in. Yes, you think, look at me, see me, want me. 

Out loud you say. “Watch where you’re going, stupid deku” and you’re looking at him like he’s the dirt under your shoe. He’s not. He’s the center of your universe. Your world tilts around his axis. “Pink isn’t your fucking color by the way”. it is. 

Izuku huffs. He’s past the point where he used to turn as red as a tomato and duck his head whenever you stood in front of him, but he’s still deku at the end of the day. An easy target. “If looking at me bothers you so much you could just ignore me.” He crouches down to pick up his things. His words make you itch, if you could ignore him, you wouldn’t fucking be here. Its because he exists too much, that you want to push him down so much. 

You step your manicured foot onto his notebook right as he’s about to grab it. He tugs at it, you dont budge, and he looks up at you, exasperated. “Can i have my notebook, please?” 

Why is he so fucking pretty? God, you want to throw up. You dig your heel in further, covering the flutter you feel in your chest with a practiced sneer. “I like the way you say please, deku.” You lean down a little, “Say ‘your highness’ and i’ll move” 

It’s a thrill, seeing the way his jaw sets, his brow furrows, his eyes go annoyed. Sweet, sweet, friendly izuku. You’re the only one he looks at like this, like he wants to throttle you. But he won’t. You see his adams apple bob, his cheeks dust pink, even as he glares. “No” 

You pause. It’s not the first time he’s gotten snippy with you, but the conviction behind it is new. You feel something in your stomach give a jump, your blood thrumming in your ears. You jerk your foot towards you, sliding his notebook out from his hands and standing completely on top of it with both your feet now. Your sticky lips, glossy and plump, spread into a mocking grin, “No? Do i need to slam you into some lockers and take you lunch money?” You feel a thousand feet tall, towering above him still kneeling, you on the high ground, looking down at him below you, where he can’t reach you. Can’t ever see the truth. “C’mon pansy, you’re already on your knees anyway” 

But he isn’t anymore. He jerks to a stand, and now he’s taller than you, but you puff your chest out, not letting that affect you. It always affects you. Not that he knows or ever notices. Your eyes are widening when he steps forward so you’re practically nose to nose and chest to chest. “I don’t have time for you” he snaps, irritated. And then he’s stepping away as suddenly as he stepped up, the rest of his things gathered in his arms, he shakes his head at you, a tendril of that mossy mousey hair falling into his eyes. “I gotta get to class” 

And then he’s gone, brushing by you, disengaging. You stand there, your breath stuck in your chest, not moving. ‘I dont have time for you’ over and over again rings through your head like a mantra. You step off his notebook robotically and kick it across the floor. It bangs against a wall and you feel your fists clench, nail beds digging into your palms harshly. ‘I dont have time for you’ 

You turn on your heel, away from the direction of your class, fury blinding you. Anger in place of humiliation, vindication in place of being humbled. You don’t know what crawled up his ass and made him think he was above you all the sudden, but you weren’t having it, not the fuck at all. 

And that’s how you found yourself snooping through izukus dorm, with the intention of finding some kind of dirt, or something to hold over his stupid head. He didn’t have time for you? How dare he act like he was better than you, like he had things more important to do than to indulge you. You were still so mad you wanted to throw a tantrum, kick and scream and claw his eyes out. Straddle his stupid broad waist and shake him until all he saw was you, you, you. 

You really hated him. Hated that because of him you were basically a bully because any attention from him was attention you thrived and lived under. Maybe if you weren’t so prideful, so disgusted by the weakness of your own gooey emotions for him, you would have tried to be the center of his attention in a nicer way, but as it was you were in too deep. This was the sick game you played, and losing wasn’t an option. 

You hated how much that made you similar to bakugou in a way. You didn’t like that guy, and even weirdly so, you wanted to gouge his fucking eyes out for the way he treated and talked to izuku. Was it jealousy or possesivness that drove you to want to be the only one who could rile izuku? You wondered, sometimes, if bakugou felt the same way about you. 

It was the loss of control, for you. Better yet, it was the way you liked the loss of that control. You had always prided yourself on being strong willed and a perfectionist. But whenever your eyes so much as grazed izukus, all your emotions went rattling around your stomach in sick twisted ways, giving you goosebumps, making you...nervous. It was a crush that had turned into an obsession, wasn’t it? And you wanted to make izuku suffer not only for invoking those messy feelings, but for not seeming to return them as well. If he couldn’t love you or want you romantically or sexually, you’d force yourself onto his radar and into his head until thinking about anyone else was impossible. Until you squirmed under his skin as much as he squirmed under yours. 

Acting like you didnt exist was unacceptable. Obviously you’d slacked off on your taunts and actions, if he could just brush past you so easily, not taking your bait. You needed to even the playing field again, and by even you meant you needed to be towering above him again. 

Towering over him so you dont have the time to think about how much you want to be under him, your mind whispers at you as you pick through his room, trying to find anything incripting. Someone like izuku would probably have something utterly embarrassing like a diary or some weird porn magazines, shameless, helpless guy that he was. 

You huff as you open his drawer next to his bedside, nearly slamming it back shut in shock at what you see there. 

You’re not stupid. You’re a healthy, young woman with an active sexual imagination and access to the world wide web, to porn. 

Izuku has a fleshlight in his drawer. Izuku has a sexytoy. Izuku. And its green. 

Izuku has a sex toy that he probably uses. That he probably sticks his cock into and moves- 

An absurd laugh barks out of you, shocked and helpless. Because while in your head you knew izuku had to be some kind pervert, what other explanation was there for the way he blushed and darted his gaze around like a ping pong ball whenever you leaned forward and get caught a glimpse under your blouse, this is...unexpected. Imagining izuku in explicit scenarios, doing lewd things, it was something you didn’t allow your mind to wonder to often over. You didn’t like the way you got all squirmy and meek whenever you thought too long about izuku without clothes. 

You feel kind of squirmy now, hot and uncomfortable as you shift around and try to gather your wits back about you. Revenge, that’s what you’re here for. 

With a shaky exhale you turn away from his dresser, your thoughts flitting around your head like annoying gnats. What, who, does he think about when he…? What does he look like? What does his...c- You shake your head, slap your cheeks, trying to center yourself from the images floating around, flustering you and distracting you. 

You’re in the middle of lifting the covers on his bed to peek under it, see if there’s anything there, when you hear the handle on his door jiggle. You freeze, every muscle in your body locked frozen like a deer in headlights as the knob twists, and then catches. Right. You’d picked the lock with one of your hair clips and then made sure to lock it again behind you just in case something like this happened. And by the, “Ugh” on the other side of the door, yep that’s definitely izuku. You’re shoved out of your shocked state, and bolting for his closet door as you hear the jingle of his keys twist in the lock, trying your best to close the door as quietly as possible behind you, it swishing shut barely a second before the door to his dorm opens and you hear him step in. 

Class must have let out early or something, you think huffily, gently rearranging yourself into a comfortable position on a pile of his clothes as he shuffles around his room. You hear the thumb of him dropping his books, the shuffle of his feet, the clutter of him taking off his shoes and the squeak of his mattress as he plops down on it. 

You tuck your knees to your chest and roll your eyes, picking at your leggings as you wonder how long you’ll have to hide before he goes to the bathroom or something so you can leave. It’s fucking stuffy in his closet already, the air hot. Your hand touches the soft fabric beneath you, realizing you’re sitting on one of his hoodies. Its too dark to see which one it is, but you imagine it as your favorite red one. Maybe you’d steal it as compensation for him making you sit and wait in his dumb closet while he probably stared at the ceiling with no thoughts in his dumb brain.

You hear him sigh, loud and dramatic, and then a muffled scream/groan into his pillow. Your lips twitch, he’s such a fucking drama queen. 

Your little smile drops off your face when you hear the sound of his drawer opening.  

Oh god. Oh no. 

Your face feels like there are embers burning under it as you hear the unmistakable sound of clothes being shucked, a zipper and and then flop, and then….a slick wet sound and a sigh of relief. 

Your eyes feel like they are bugging out of your head. Izuku is really about to fuck his fleshlight with you hiding in his closet with him none the wiser. You feel suddenly embarrassed and hot all over, hiding your face in your knees as you hear him let out a moan. A loud one. 

You’re on fire, every part of you. You don’t think you can take this, don’t think you can sit through this and listen to this, think you should just burst out of his closet and use your bravado to somehow flip the situation and make him feel humiliated for getting off in the privacy of his own room, like he’s in the wrong even though you had violated so many boundaries for even being here right now. 

You could do it too, you know. You’re good at twisting things, at powering through the complicated mess of flustered feelings izuku makes you feel and making it his fault, making him back down and cower. You could do it...you’re uncurling your legs and pushing your hands under you in the middle of getting up to do so when- 

“Fuck. ___” Your name. You freeze, for an unholy, goldy second you think you’ve been caught, that he has acquired x-ray vision and has spotted you but no. His voice isn’t surprised or upset its...breathless, airy. He moaned it. 

The first time you hear Izuku moan your name, its with you hiding on the other side of his closet door, your hand clapped over your mouth in shock.

Heat immediately shoots between your legs, your core throbbing unbidden in reflex to the sound, helpless to stop it, to have any other reaction. Your ass plops right back down. You turn slightly towards the door, pressing your side against it, your ear smooshed against the cool wood as you listen, as if drawn under a spell. 

“You’re such…” You hear izuku pant, his voice deeper and more rough then you’ve ever heard it before. “A fucking brat” 

Wet between your legs, seeping through your panties at his words, seemingly ripped out of him. God, he sounds pissed, wrecked. He cursed. You’ve never heard izuku curse before, never, even when you’d pushed him too far. Something really was different about today. 

The slick sounds are more frequent now, steady and...and sounding like real sex you’d heard from porn before. Wet, sloppy, and slapping. Your knees knock together as you lean forward even more. There’s an invisible string pulling, tugging you forward, you want to see…

“Fucking slut” He grunts, and there’s a heavy slap, your breath catching in your fucking throat as you realize that...that must be the clap of his balls hitting the back of his fleshlight everytime he thrusts into it. “Always running your fucking mouth, looking down at me, so mean, you’re so fucking mean to me…uh..” 

The sounds of sex fill the room and you can’t take it anymore, you’re burning, burning, burning, fuck the consequnces. You hesitantly and slowly turn the handle of the closet door, letting it slide open just a crack, enough for you to peek through, to get a glimpse.

His lean muscular back is the first thing you see, he’s facing directly away from his closet, thank god but oh god, that means you see..so much. The flex of his shoulder blades under his tan skin, the smattering of freckles over his shoulder, the long slender slope of his spine as it curves down his broad back, the dimbles at the bottom of his spine, flexing as he fucks his toy. His ass, because of course izuku would have a perfect round bubble butt. There are freckles there too. 

Your eyes skate down, hungry to his large and heavy balls, low hanging and full, currently smacked right up against the base of the little pocket pussy he’s practically straddling on his bed. 

It hits you again than, that deku is imagining that toy is you, he’s imagining fucking you in this position on his bed right now, imagining its your cunt hes pounding into, and your face he’s spitting those filthy words at. 

Your hand is really moving without your permission when it slips under the band of your leggings into your panties, fingers immediately dipping between the slick folds of your pussy, silky and wet. 

“-Wet” Izuku grunts, as you dip a finger just barely inside. “Fuck, i knew you’d be so fucking soft and good inside. Such a bratty girl would have a sweet cunt attached to her, huh?” 

Fuck, where and when did izuku start speaking like this? His soft voice curling around such crude words is making you gush all over your fingers. You wish you could see the kind of face he was making when he said them. 

“Yeah, you like taking my cock don’t you, baby?” He croons and if you close your eyes you can almost imagine he’s speaking directly into your ear, behind you. His thrusts get heavier, rougher, he lifts his leg up on the bed and you see a flash of the little green toy being fucked on his cock, big and angry looking. He’s being so brutal, hammering the thing down on his dick as he hips rut to meet every downward tug. “Milk it. Milk my fucking cock you whore. Wanna- fuck, wanna hear you say my name when you cum, want you to know who’s pouding that little pussy. The loser you fucking hate, yeah? Gonna cum for me?”

Yes, you whimper in your head in answer to him, your fingers curling deep, deep, inside, fucking yourself on them in earnest. He’s so big and you only caught a glimpse, but it was enough. Enough to know he’d fucking cleave you apart if he tried to fit that monster between his legs inside your tight little pussy. But you want it, god you fucking want it. You wanna feel him splitting you open, making you cream around him, making you beg for it. Making you bleed. 

“One of these day” he says, his voice breathless but steady, even as it cracks. You know he’s close. “I’m gonna fucking snap. Im going to make you look me in the fucking eye and apologize for making me want you, and then im going to split that pussy open- fuck, im coming, fuck, fuck, fuck. Do you understand, b-bitch? Gonna fucking make you mine, yeah, take it, take your senpais cock you dirty fucking girl, ah!” 

He slumps forward, hips humping into the toy and balls spasming as he pumps it full of his cum, shuddering deeply with little aborted whimpers. “Good girl, good girl” he pants, trailing off, giving one last little jerk of his hips before stilling. 

You bite your lip so hard you draw blood to stop yourself from whimpering out loud. You pull your sticky fingers out of your cunt and shuffle back into the dark of the closet, curling in on yourself as izuku lays there, panting heavily for a few moments before moving. 

You stay stock still as you hear him get up and shuffle around, his footsteps padding into the bathroom where you hear the door click softly shut. You spring up to your feet and don’t care if you make noise as you dart out of his room and into the hallway, sprinting like a bat out of hell as you make you way to the girls dorms.

You’ll think about how to reevaluate and recoup later. Right now you just really need to get to your bed so you can rut pathetically onto your own fingers and imagine izukus fat dick breaking you open. Never in a million years did you think he had those kinds of feelings for you, and you know it changes the whole game, is a whole other level of playing field where you now know he wants you on a physical level. 

You feel powerless and lie you’re slipping again, don’t know how you’re going to point your finger at him and laugh when you know for every insult you throw his way, is another way hes fucking his toy at night, adding it as another thing to get you back for. If he ever snaps. 

If. you want it to be a when, so bad, not an if. 

You’ll make it a when. You’ll push him off the metaphorical cliff he’s teetering on to make it so. 

. 

[mordigen]

Unpopular opinion: Christians are not witches

I said it. Fight me.

There has been a trend that has been growing ever more problematic recently: overbearing, hyper-zealous, hyper-vigilant "acceptance" This means the pagan community is an absolute free-for all, and you are not allowed to so much as even feign the possibility that you do not agree with absolutely 100% of everything, lest you be named a gatekeeping, ignorant bigot.

Whether you like it or not - there ARE paths out there that have specific rules...regulations...stipulations...tenets - whatever the hell you want to call or classify them. End. Period. There's no other colour that comes in - that's it. Sorry for you, but they DO exist. In fact, there are many of them.

If you do not follow those rules, tenets, etc..., then you are not of that path. Point. Blank. And there is nothing wrong with that - it simply means that you are of some other path. That's it! That's all that means! It may be *nearly* identical to the path in question - but it is not, hence the 'nearly'.

If you happen to be a part of one of these paths, there is absolutely nothing wrong with saying so. If someone claims to be a part of one of these paths, but are absolutely, blatantly not - there is nothing wrong with saying that, and explaining why that is. Some people just honestly don't know there is a difference, or that these certain prerequisites are indeed a definitive factor - so they learn something, they broaden their horizons. Everyone seems to be all about educating themselves about being sensitive to other cultures and customs - except the pagan community, apparently, because this mentality does not translate across that pagan/witch line. Instead of taking it as a learning experience, you are immediately pounced on with notions of 'there are no rules!' 'you can't tell someone what to do on their own path!' Or, simply, the name calling. Well yes, while all of that is true - it still remains that how ever you want to practice or whatever you personally decide to do, may just simply not be what you are claiming, or calling it. It may just be semantics - but semantics matter when dealing with nuance. And paganism is extremely nuanced.

You can call a tomato an orange all you want to - but that thing will never be an orange, no matter how much you believe in it. And people are not wrong for informing you that you may have the wrong name, that is in fact, a tomato. If you go on deciding to call it an orange, you can do that - but that is willful ignorance. So, in your fight to be unapologetically accepting of every ridiculous notion, you are perpetuating willful ignorance - whilst being directly in opposition of your goal and being, *GASP*, unaccepting to those who follow a path where distinction and definition matters. You are completely invalidating those people's paths and beliefs while trying to defend another's (another who may, in fact, actually be wrong) and actively using their path & beliefs as the very reason to berate and ostracize them. Pretty fantastically hypocritical of you. Now...on to the second problem. I do not, at all, in any form, believe in "ritual magick" - as perpetuated by Aleister Crowley hardons. And no, that is not a knock on Crowley, just the idiot followers that don't understand half of what he taught and latch onto the superficial.

When you look at the origins and make up of magical beliefs, and magic itself as a separate entity - no matter which particular branch - they were all created by religion. They all have roots in highly spiritual cultures and customs. So, I absolutely do not believe for one second that you can believe in magic without SOME form of religion - whatever one you adhere to is your choice, but you cannot have the first without the latter. You cannot. Even if you claim that you have no religion, or spiritual faith, your practices absolutely do. You are calling on elements and agencies that absolutely have divine ties and connections one way or another. Oh, how many atheists I see calling on the seals of Arch Angels.... are you fucking shittin me? Really?? So let's bring it all together now - with the fact that many faiths DO have prerequisites, AND the fact that magic is religious/spiritual -- Christians are not, and cannot be witches or pagans. They are mutually exclusive. Not only because so many various paths have such prerequisites, and very define religious/spiritual beliefs that are contradictory to others - but simply because Christianity DOES, very much, have very clear and stringently defined Do's & Don'ts, and obviously the religious aspect itself clashes with the religious beliefs of others. Their religious beliefs clash with people who believe in their same god - so how could they not with those who believe in other gods?? Considering this, no other path would even need such stipulations themselves for them to be mutually exclusive, as Christianity already covers that issue so completely, but the fact that so many pagan paths do only exacerbates an already existing problem. That being said - that does not mean you cannot believe in the Christian 'god', by whatever name you know him by - or that you cannot believe in Jesus, and also be a witch or pagan. In fact the latter has an even bigger argument for believing in both, as paganism, generically, in itself is polytheistic, so it is very fitting to simply have the Christian god and Jesus amongst the many deities being worshipped. But those two things alone is not what makes Christianity. A good start, yes, but that is not all it takes - in fact, there are many that are shunned, excommunicated, banned, condemned and moreso whilst having those very two qualifying factors. You can find this in *every single* sect of Christianity, so...the proof is in the pudding, as they say, that it is much more than simply believing in 'God' and Jesus that makes a 'Christian'. And if you take that to heart and follow all those rules - you cannot be a witch or pagan, many times over, as you would be in direct opposition, or violation, of a number of their teachings - both on the aspect of simple 'rules', but also on a much deeper spiritual level of the entire foundation of their faith. Cannot serve two masters, and all that... If you do not follow those rules, then sure, you could be a witch or a pagan - but then you cannot be a Christian. That is just the facts.

Many people like to argue the use of magic and mysticism in the bible - but the issue is what parts of the bible they are found, and all the amendments of the further books. Again, what really carves out being a Christian vs. any of the other sects of Abrahamic beliefs. As, news flash - there is far more than just Christianity. And some of them, do, in fact, do hand in hand with magic. The Kabbalah is an astounding example of that - and, in fact, where a lot of the so called *ahem* 'non'-religious 'ritual magick' comes from. In this same vein, I would like to note that I have never had any issue or seen conflict with the Hebrew or Jewish take on shamans, mystics and witches, as they really do go hand in hand - They have their own very in depth, detailed, spiritual and sentimental form of mysticism that was a natural progression from pre-Abrahamic religions and culture, and grew into their teachings and belief system, so it does not go against their core beliefs the same way it very stringently does in Christian theology. Considering their ethnical histories and cultural heritage - this is a brilliant example of the natural evolution and progression of faiths - not simply ripped from the hands of the brutally oppressed and rewritten as a mockery to wipe out the preexisting notion of faiths -- as the Church has a history of doing. The Book of Enoch is another shining example of Biblical magic, or Angelic magic. But, this also also turns my point into a self fulfilling prophecy, as in the fact that it is accepted amongst all denominations as heresy, and it is taught that these magics - though they do, in fact, exist, were for the angels and completely forbidden from mankind. So, thusly, if you are a follower of Enoch, you are not a 'Christian', by name and membership, as you are outright going against it's teachings. You are a heretic, a blasphemer. Perhaps you may be one of the many other forms of the Christian god's followers - but not a Christian, as being Christian denotes a very specific set of beliefs and tenets - end of story. Magic, and paganism, is in direct conflict with those teachings, and therefore, cannot coexist.

On top of the logic - there is also the emotional issue. Christianity has a long history of abuse towards various pagan, tribal and indigenous faiths, while stealing our beliefs as their own, and demonizing those they couldn't successfully acclimate into theirs. To now be expected to be OK with this faith, yet again, latching on to *our* sacred rites and practices as being a part of their own is a hard pill to swallow at best, a slap in the face to most, and flat out perpetuating trauma at worst. Once upon a time, people sought out these very same communities and groups within their pagan circles as an escape, a safe space, and a shield and guardian against the Christian onslaught, torment, oppression, or just exhaustion - and now, we must not only tolerate them invading our private spaces, but must now welcome them with open arms and expected to be happy about it? Forgive me if I don't sympathize....

If we are going to now be forced into being shoulder to shoulder with them, the very least you can offer us is neutrality. You can be accepting of all and still be neutral grounds - not taking any one side anywhere, all you have to do is be respectful to each other. Disagreement is not disrespectful. Could someone who disagrees with a certain viewpoint *become* disrespectful? Sure, of course they could. But simply the act of disagreement is nothing hateful or hurtful in any way shape or form - in fact, good discourse is how progress is made. So we need to remain neutral grounds and normalize the acceptance of different viewpoints - we need to recognize and accept that, yes, there are paths out there that do have specific requirements, expectations and limits - there are paths that are going to disagree, or just flat out not believe in something. Instead of name calling, when someone of those paths decides to speak up and enlighten and elaborate on information that may be inaccurately described or depicted, you need to LISTEN and learn, and not just bludgeon them with presumptive judgement. You also need to accept that there are many, various different closed practices out there - beyond Native American & Voodoo practices (as those seem to be the only ones the pagan community recognizes) and if someone of those closed faiths tell you - no, you are not xy or z, that is also not being judgmental or hateful or hurtful - that simply is. ....a very important side note here is that acknowledging closed practices is also not a carte blanche for screaming about cultural appropriation. Please shut the fuck up about cultural appropriation. Not being of a specific faith is not equivalent to cultural appropriation - Telling someone "no, you're not xyz" is very different from telling someone "no, you can't practice xyz" (looking at you smudge-Nazis) You can enjoy, practice, learn or celebrate anything you want of any faith you want while not actually being apart of it - that's the beauty of sharing and learning. And I think that is where all the trouble boils down from:

Yes, you can do whatever you want and can create whatever path you want for yourself...just don't misrepresent it, don't call it something it is not, and don't deny those who are more educated & experienced in that particular department. We get enough of that from outsiders to start doing it to each other.

[thebadboyfanclub]

The Sun And Moon (Pete Davidson x Reader)

Heyyyyyy besties! So I'm back with another white boy of the month. I would like to warn you that this will be mentioning Pete's BPD and the reader will be mentioned as somebody that has had traumatic experiences however i am not mentioning what does that imply so don't worry about it. Other than that I hope you enjoy!

Being with Pete was almost a gift and a curse, you were so different yet so alike. The ultimate example of twinflames, the yin and yang. If someone had to describe what you two were like was that (y/n) was like the sun, a warm personality with kindness and such just overall this untouchable beauty from inside and out, also she adores to be under the sun, Pete sometimes found her as she laid on the floor next to her cat just so she can enjoy the warm rays, sometimes she would have her crystals (Pete called them "magic rocks") which Pete found so adorable, also as the weather got warmer she got happier.

Pete was the moon, a little bit more moody, mysterious, yet alluring, he intrigued anyone that was around him. Unlike (y/n) Pete was a night owl, he liked late night drives, staying up all night just smoking weed and watching movies, he liked the silence that the nightfall brought, he felt more at peace with the idea of relaxing and enjoying the darkness that others feared. Many times (y/n) woke up in the middle of the night and found him on her balcony, just sitting there and enjoying the view.

People around them brought up that comparison so much that they even got it as a couples tattoo, (y/n) got the sun behind her ear and Pete got the moon on his left middle finger cause he found it funny. However the curse was that they had to learn how to be around one another, yes they had similarities but they weren't quite the same situations.

Pete was a comedian, (y/n) was an author, both of them had to sometimes sit their ass down and think of something to write, but the circumstances were different. 

"Baby I'm here"

Pete said as he shut the door of (y/n)'s apartment, dropping his pair of keys on the bowl that she had conveniently placed on a piece of furniture right next to her front door. Pete waited for an answer while taking off his shoes, (y/n) liked structure and she was a very neat person, another thing Pete had to learn, he wasn't dirty but he was a tad bit of messy so when he was at her apartment (which basically had become his also) he was careful with how he did things.

Silence greeted him back, he sucked in his teeth as he realized exactly why this was happening. (Y/n) had mentioned that she was writing the second book of her fantasy novel and she was in a bit of a writer's block, she had so many fresh ideas however when it came to writing them down sometimes her mind just wouldn't co operate and she just couldn't get it down in a way that she found right. He left the take out food on the small coffee table and continued to walk towards her bedroom. 

There she was, slightly laying back on her leather chair with her laptop in front of her, just staring at her screen and occasionally pressing a few buttons. The door was somewhat open so he could take a good look at her, her hair was down, she was wearing some shorts and a t-shirt she had accidentally spilled bleach on so now it was a house shirt and no socks, she hated wearing socks. Pete knocked on the semi closed door to get her attention.

"Oh I didn't hear you come in"

"I figured, what are you doing here babe?"

"Regretting my decision on signing the contract for a second book"

She mumbled when Pete approached her and leaned down to press several kisses on her neck and cheeks. (Y/n) smiled and enjoyed the feeling of comfort he brought her before shaking her head and pulling away from him.

"I need to finish this chapter"

"What you need to do is eat, I'm pretty sure you skipped breakfast"

She knew he was right, that's why she didn't respond so she just kept on staring at her laptop screen, hoping that miraculously an idea will come to her head. She deeply appreciated his concern but she felt the pressure of her publicist that called everyday to ask about the book, today was one of the few days she chose to not pick up the phone. Pete once again was met with silence although that didn't stop him from placing his hands on her shoulders to give her a massage.

"Come on sunshine, you can take a break and clear your head"

"Pete I have to write thousands of pages in a short amount of time, it's not just fucking punchlines"

Pete's face made a sour expression at her jab. It did sting a little bit yet he tried to understand that she was just overwhelmed with the responsibility of delivering on time. He took a deep breath before patting her on the head and turning away from her.

"I'll be in the living room"

For some time she felt relieved that he left so she could refocus, however after a few moments when she started to see her reflection on the screen she started to realize what she had done which was awful. She felt so bad that she had to shut down the screen and close her laptop so she wouldn't look at herself, she spoke in such a disregarding manner that she felt disgusted. With tears already clouding her eyes she got up and found Pete watching TV, the take out in front of him and it didn't take long for her to notice that he had bought her favorite making her feel even worse. She stood in front of the TV and Pete looked in her eyes and smiled.

"I'm sorry"

Her voice breaks in the middle of the sentence. Pete's smiled dropped when he saw a year escaping and heard her whimpering voice, he immediately got up from the couch and went to hug her.

"Its okay sunshine"

"No it's not, I didn't mean it I swear"

"I know baby"

"I'm just so… stressed"

She said and let herself relax in his arms as she wrapped hers around his torso, feeling the warmth of his engulf her. His scent went to her nose making her feel safe in his arms as the tears stained his sweatshirt. Pete started rubbing her back to help her let out her emotions, he knew how emotional (y/n) was and he found it cute how she feels like cry no matter what the situation was, she had happy tears, angry tears, sad tears, she saw a dog tears, attending a wedding tears, he didn't mind it though on the contrary he liked that she was able to express her emotions with no fear.

"I understand baby, it did sting a bit though, you know how much I love my work"

"I know, I wasn't thinking when I said it which is wrong"

They had agreed that they wouldn't do the "it's ok" type of shit, they preferred to actually say when something either hurt them or bothered them so they can have clear boundaries with one another, it was one of the best decisions they could have ever made, it was one of the strongest foundations they had for their relationship. (Y/n) looked at him and Pete immediately went to wipe her tears, before pressing a kiss on her forehead.

"I'm sorry"

"I accept your apology. Are you feeling better now?"

"A little bit. Thank you for forgiving me and I will try to do my best to not repeat that behavior"

She responded, her voice now was more steady and clear.  Setting boundaries between them and being clear about the behavior that is acceptable was something they had established early in the relationship, Pete was diagnosed with BPD and (y/n) had trauma from past experiences so they had agreed to see a couple's therapist in order for them to move on with their relationship in a healthy manner, so things like "it's ok" or "you know I didn't mean it that way" were unacceptable, taking accountability for their actions and having the humility to apologize was their key to success.

Pete's smile reappeared and now gave her a kiss on her lips, making (y/n) get a bit of a shiver down her spine. Their kisses always felt so strong, like energy passing through one to the other, it was such a magical experience to them.

"Are we good?"

"Yes, now take a seat and I'll microwave your food"

"Wow, Gordon Ramsey would be so proud of you"

[lxngbottom]

A Cold Night | N.L

in which the reader is best friends with neville, & she swore he would ask her to the yule ball. she is forced to go alone without anyone’s knowledge.

warnings: just angst honestly, & swearing

word count: 1,575

im watching gof rn by myself & i just came up with this randomly so enjoy!

—

y/n y/l/n sat in the (now) glamours great hall. kids her age, younger, & older, laughed as they all danced. everyone was dressed in formal attire, even y/n herself who was never too keen on getting dressed up. whispers broke out when people saw her, saying how beautiful she looked. but, the look on her face contrasted from her baby blue dress. it was one filled with envy, and spite for the ginger girl that danced in the green dress.

y/n brought the bottle once again up to her lips, discreetly. the bottle was filled with muggle alcohol, as she knew it would be the only way to get her through the night.

she watched as neville smiled, laughed with ginny. they looked to be having the time of their life. and as much as y/n wanted to be happy for him, she couldn’t bring herself to be. her whole being was filled with rage, and the worst part was; it was beginning to become noticeable.

y/n looked over, and saw harry and ron with their dates, sitting down. they looked just as bored as she did. she looked around once more, her eyes landing on hermione and her Bulgarian man. she smiled lightly, happy that at least her girl best friend was having a good night. hermione had never glowed so much since y/n had known her, and it brought some serenity.

but, she thought about the conversation that had occurred between them, just a few days before this:

“y/n! the yule ball is in three days and you’re telling me that you still don’t have someone to go with?!” hermione exclaimed, her face filled with concern for her friend.

“don’t remind me, mione’. please.” y/n responded, plopping down onto her bed. she looked down at her fingers, remembering that neville had told her, seamus, and dean that he was going with ginny weasley.

“well... there must be someone!”

hermione began to think to herself, surely not wanting y/n to go all by herself. that would be completely unacceptable in her book. “i don’t think ron or harry have a date yet. maybe you could ask one of them! i’m sure they wouldn’t mind.” hermione suggested.

y/n shook her head, “they’re going with the twins...”

hermione sighed, a feeling of guilt penetrating her chest. “well... is there anyone specifically that you would want to go with?”

the question made y/n’s heart snap, as yes, there was someone she had in mind. neville longbottom. her best friend since first year. she assumed that neville would just ask her, and of course she wouldn’t have declined. she had fancied the Herbology loving boy since the second she laid eyes on him, and three years later, that still hadn’t changed.

when neville had informed her that he was escorting ginny, she had lied to him and said that she had a date as well. but, of course, she just didn’t want to look like a pathetic fool in front of him.

“yeah, actually. i’ll ask them tomorrow and let you know, hermione.” y/n responded, earning another small smile from the dirty blonde.

“great! there’s no way they would turn you down!”

but when the next day came, there wasn’t another person. y/n had lied once again, just to not seem pathetic in front of one of her close friends. she had even told hermione that the imaginary boy said yes, and that she was very excited to being attending the ball with him.

y/n took another swig of the bottle, her eyes still not leaving neville and ginny. maybe it was the effects of the alcohol, but y/n felt as if her emotions were about to burst right from her chest. she imagined a scenario where she slammed the bottle on the ground, grabbing everyone’s attention, and just storming out to leave everyone in question.

but, of course she couldn’t do that. she didn’t want to ruin other people’s nights.

time seemed to go by quickly, and y/n’s anger was quickly replaced with sadness. she looked down at her dress, hating it. she felt as if she had just wasted her time coming.

tears brimmed her eyes, and she quickly stood up to storm out. she did so whimpering, trying her best to hold back tears.

when she met the cold night, it nipped at her nose, causing a single tear to slip down her face. she quickly took her heels off, the alcohol making it increasingly difficult to walk in them without stumbling.

she looked around a few times, just to make sure no one was present. when she realized she was alone, she let out a small sob.

it wasn’t fair. it just wasn’t fair. y/n swore that neville would be the one to take her, and that she would be the one on the dance floor laughing with him. but, the world doesn’t always work in our favor. she took another swig, and continued to cry to herself.

by the time the bottle was empty, y/n was drunk. she began to see doubles, and knew that it was time to just to turn in for the night. there was no real reason to even be here. not now, or even in the first place. she had no idea why she even decided to come.

as she began walking towards the staircase, letting her drunk mind consume her, a familiar voice called out for her,

“y/n!”

she turned her head, and her heart broke once more when she saw the person in question. he looked so handsome.

“what, neville?” she responded angrily, just simply wanting to disappear from his sight.

he looked her up and down, noticing her makeup running, and the empty bottle in her hands.

“where are you going? and, why are you crying?” he asked concerned, stepping closer to her. her breath hitched as he did so, and he began to put the pieces together of what he thought was going on. “merlin... did your date dump you? i’m so sorry, y/n. ginny and i—“

“no.” she interjected, “he didn’t dump me.”

neville’s eyebrows furrowed out of pure confusion, “oh, well then... why are you leaving? you seem really upset.” the boy moved some hair from her shoulder, secretly taking in how beautiful she looked. runny mascara and all.

“yes, neville. i’m upset. i’m glad you noticed...” she slurred out.

neville’s face dropped, “are you...” he began, still trying to out the pieces together, “are you drunk, y/n?”

y/n chuckled spitefully, her emotions being the only thing driving her at the moment. “yeah, neville. i’m drunk. i’m very drunk, actually.”

he noticed the edge in her tone, the anger. what was going on with her?

“y/n... you know you can talk to me, right? we’re friends.”

y/n laughed once again, this time, taking a hair clip from her hair and tossing it on the floor. “yeah, whatever, longbottom. just go back in. your date is probably waiting for you.”

neville was completely lost. y/n never acted like this towards him.

“y/n, seriously. what in the bloody hell is wrong with you, tonight? where is your date?”

finally, y/n broke.

“i don’t have one.” she spoke, her voice cracking. “i lied to you. i lied to every one of you.” she stepped closer to him, “i came here... alone.”

“what?” he questioned, “why—why would you lie, y/n?”

her fists clenched from his question. was neville really that oblivious? could she have not made it anymore obvious to him all these years?

“because... the person i wanted to go with, was already going with someone else.”

neville’s eyes softened, and he smiled. “y/n... you still could’ve found someone. i mean, look at me. somehow i managed to get a date and—“

“just fuck off, longbottom. okay? just leave me the fuck alone!”

his jaw dropped, and he started to reconsider ever word he had just spoken. what did he say that made her so angry?

y/n began to turn around and walk away, but neville grabbed her arm before she could move any further. “y/n, just talk to me. i just wanna know what’s going on, and why you lied about having a date. i won’t judge you or—“

“merlin’s beard, neville! you can be such an oblivious git sometimes!” she spat at him, yanking her arm away from his hold.

his chest tightened from her words. is that really how she felt about him? after all these years... she saw him just like everyone else did?

“i wanted—“ she started, scared to speak, but at the same time needing to, “i wanted to go with you!”

neville’s face contorted into a shocked one from her yelling,

“i lied because you were going with ginny, and i wanted you to ask me! i honestly, truly thought that you would ask me as a matter of fact! i didn’t care about finding another date because i was convinced that you would take me!”

neville didn’t know how to respond. all he could do was focus on her trembling voice, and the way tears continuously rolled down her face.

“y/n—“

“but it doesn’t matter anymore, right? cause you’re with ginny and i’m just simply leaving! so... have a fantastic night!”

and with that, she dashed away from him. a trail of tears and whimpers leaving with her. neville stood there, shocked, confused, worried.

of course he had wanted to ask her. he just didn’t know how.

[a19yearoldtryinherbest]

Levi Ackerman- Headcanons

How would Levi react to finding out their partner is messy outside of the Survey Corps

Levi x gn!reader. (No pronousn used. If you find something that implies any gender let me know so I can tag properly) Implied nsfw at the end I guess. I mean it's the tiniest thing

• We know Levi is clean and neat

• He has a spot for every item in his rarely used apartment and a spot for every item in his room at HQ

• And it's not like you're a pig or completely disorganized. It's just that sometimes you could be messy

• Levi had noticed it

• Not when you were in his room, but when in yours

• He noted your tendency to hang your jacket on any chair

• Or how you didn't mind for crumbs when eating but would swipe them afterwards -albeit, not as thoroughly as he would've wanted

• Or how when you'd got out of the shower you would leave a small trail of droplets

• He knew not everyone had the same love and dedication to cleanliness as him so he tried not to bother you too much about it

• Not unless you would were to do something unacceptable

• Luckily you didn't, except for when you would leave your uniform on the floor or a chair, unfolded. On those ocations his captain instinct would kick in and make you fold it. I mean, it was your uniform

• Or the time you left a half finished mug of tea under you desk and it tainted the cup

• He had tried so hard not to get mad. Luckily it washed off after a lot of effort

• Sadly that wasn't the only time he saw how messy you could be

• When he knocked the door to your apartment he noted it wasn't well taken care of, the wood was a bit old and the paint was faded.

• He didn't mind. You, just as most survey corps members, were never really home to begin with. Maybe since now you had been sent home to heal from an injury you would get to paint it

• You were surprised when you opened the door, he hadn't let you know he was coming over. You let him in, only realizing how messy your place was when you saw him stand stiff at the entrance

• He entered your apartment and he wanted to go back and out stare at that door

• It wasn't that messy but to Levi it meant really fucking messy

• There were three almost finished cups of tea around the apartment -two on the living table on win the kitchen. Two jackets, one on the couch one on a chair. There were books and documents sprayed across the table. The dishes hadn't been done yet and he could see dust at least on five diferent places

• You saw his face. You were mortified

• “I'm sorry, it's a little messy”

• He almost choked at the "a little"

• Out loud, he -kinda- jokingly wondered if it was too late to leave you. It was, since he was clearly thinking of overlooking your mess

• “It looks like titan's shit”

• Ah, this man and his soft words

• “Titans don't shit”

• Levi would barely emote in most situations but right then in you apartment his face showed shock -and a tiny but of disgust- all over

• Still, he started walking in. If that didn't show his feelings towards you nothing would

• “Look, I'm sorry, I didn't know you were coming over”

• “No, it's alright”

• It's not alright. But he tries. Tries not to make faces, not to check how much dust there's over the coffee table or how you got mud on the carpet, still he fails

• He tries to remind himself that you were injured so you might not be able to keep things entirely clean but this was a bit much

• He looks so uncofortable and stiff. You start to feel guilty so you offer the only thing you could offer

• “Do you want to clean this place with me?”

• He lights up like a kid who was given a entire chocolate cake

• Levi being Levi made you clean to exhaustion, every inch of your place, over, under and in every surface. He didn't get distracted by anything and just kept on cleaning, telling you how to clean your apartment. He let you rest when the injury was bothering you but he kept on cleaning

• Three hours of cleaning went by and he just looked at you and said "You need a shower"

• You smiled "Care to join me?"

[geekwritersworld]

Hey, will you do an angst to fluff imagine where Henry Cavill’s dating a single mam of 16 to seventeen twins (boy, girl) and they’re having trouble warming up to Henry because it’s always been the three of them. There mam being with Henry had turned their life upside down and one day the daughter explodes at Henry because the paparazzi followed her home from work? I love your writing by the way. Thank you and have a nice day/night

Give him a chance

Pairing: Henry Cavill x Reader

Warnings: None, slight fluff ....maybe?

Summary: As stated in the request.

A/n: I am aware that this isn’t the best, I will make certainly make some slight changes to it later on, but I just wanted to have this out today.

Feedback is more than welcome. Please do let me know your thoughts. It really helps when you do post comments :)

He'd had tough times getting along with people. But he always remained kind and graceful towards them nevertheless.

But when Henry started to go out with me, I knew that my twins' would have a tough time warming up to him. It had been years, of its just being the 3 of us. For me to suddenly go out with Henry, was a big change for them.

There was a lot of adjusting that needed to be done, and neither twin was happy about it.

It had been a few months of Henry and I dating. My son seemed to have warmed up to Henry a little, but my daughter remained persistent on the fact that she wanted nothing to do with him.

Henry being the kind-hearted soul that he is, never verbally said so, but I could see it was obviously breaking his heart. And I'd tried to speak to Everlyn and get her to give Henry a chance, but she remained stubborn.

As of the last few days, Henry had been staying over, because I insisted that he does. He was hesitant because he didn't want it to get in my daughter,  way. But I told him he had to.

My son, Isaac spoke to Henry occasionally. Though he was struggling to accept that there was another Male figure in my life. 

But over time, He'd started to try and converse with him.

 Evelyn, unfortunately, wasn't so easy going. She'd convinced herself that all men were the same as her biological father. She'd also turned slightly bitter towards Isaac for warming up to henry, but I remained stern with her regardless.

 It was a different matter if she had a hard time getting along with Henry, but to throw her emotions at someone else because she couldn't handle them was unacceptable. 

And so I'd had a civil conversation with her, hearing her out and talking to her. It was only natural for me to assume that after our talk she'd maybe try and loosen up with Henry, and she did try.

The tone of anger had reduced the next day, her responses remained short but kinder.

And I thought that maybe she'd finally give him a chance. Henry and I weren't the kind of people who liked going out much, so we naturally spent a lot of time indoors, whether it was his house or mine.

Henry and I had only been seen out together twice over the last few months of our relationship. Which of course was nobody's business, but I did know what I was getting into, when Henry and I started going out. The media, knew that their beloved Henry Cavill was dating a mother of two, and they'd seen the twins once, but we did our best to keep the attention off of them.

The cold weather of London chilled the marble floors, though it was only 3 in the afternoon.

  Luckily, the bear next to me provided me with enough warmth.

 Isaac, was at his friends' house, while Evelyn had decided to go for a walk. I knew she'd be back soon since she'd been gone for almost 2 hours, so I kept an ear out, for her steps.

"This is nice" Henry mumbled into my shoulder, while we sat on the couch, limbs entangled. His warm arms wrapped around my waist, his curls tickling my face.

The only response I gave was a soft hum.

 We'd sat on there on the couch, snuggled up, the silence was a comfortable one, with the glow of the TV whilst it ran the next episode of friends.

The irritation was real when I had to get up and go to the bathroom, but I couldn't procrastinate this. Breaking away from my boyfriend, I went to the bathroom to do my thing. Turning on the lights on my way, of the hallway.

There are only so many things that I'd expect to make me rush out of the bathroom, but the sound of my daughter screaming profanities was not one of them. 

Rushing out, I heard, what I assume was the last part of her rant "This is all your fucking fault, I mean what do you want? More publicity? Thanks to YOU I can't even take fucking walks anymore. They followed me because of YOU. Like as if I have nothing better to fucking do than answer questions about you. You will never be a father figure to me, no matter what my mother says. You're all the fucking same. All of you are fucking liars!"  she ran past me into her room.

I didn't go after her, because I knew the first person I needed to question was Henry since he'd give me the unbiased part of what happened.

But walking into the living room, my heart broke. It broke at the sight of Henry slowly and cautiously sitting down on the couch, he looked like a lost puppy.

 The confusion and heartbreak were evident in his face. But when he saw me walking in, the whisper and desperation in his voice, had my eyes brimming with tears. "Y/n" it was soft, his voice. His chest heaved, his breathing heavy.

"Bear?" walking around the couch I sat down next to him immediately. "Hey"

 I put my arm around his broad shoulders. " what happened?"

"I- The fucking paparazzi followed Evelyn .and-" he took a deep breath and let it out" they kept bugging her about me and you" He bent his head and into his hands. 

"Fuck" I knew that after this, getting around to Evelyn would be tough, really tough.

"Y/N I am so fucking sorry, for all that I've put the 3 of you through. Evelyn isn't wrong, I should just fucking leave. " he ran his hands through his hair. His blue eyes turning slightly glossy.

"No" It came out sterner than intended but I had to get things under control before it got too out of hand, and I lost the only man I trust and love.

"What?"

"No, Henry. Don't even think about it. I'll talk to her, ut you, you've got to understand that you have not ruined anything. Bear, for the first fucking time, Isaac, finally looks up to a father figure, I know it doesn't look like it, but he'd told me of how he feels less like an outcast now that he's got you. Henry, the paps following Eve is not your fault. You didn't ask them to follow her, you didn't make them. It's not on you." Henry's eyes were starting to brim with tears at this point " Sweetheart, you are not getting in anyone's way. And you are NOTHING like other men. If you were, I wouldn't be going out with you." Henry let out a little chuckle at the end.

 But I now needed to go and deal with Evelyn." look, I'm gonna go talk to her, all right?" He nodded and pecked my lips when I got up.

I walked to Evelyn's room. I could hear sniffles, and as bad as I felt for her, I was quite irritated at what she'd said. But I'd still deal with it, with patience, because losing my temper, would bring nothing good.

"Evie?" I softly opened her door, using the nickname I called her only when she'd be upset."Yeah?" Though she was sniffling, I could tell that she was anxious. Anxious, of what I had to say to her outburst. 

Her legs were wrapped around her pillow, which she hugged to her chest. Her black hair poked out from the top of her sheets.

I walked and sat down next to her, she lifted her head slightly and looked at me.

"Evie" I sighed, not knowing where to begin " why would you say that to him?"

"because he's like the rest of them. He's gonna be nice and fatherly for a year, and then he'll turn and leave. He'll leave and he'll never come back. And then you'll be hurt again" 

"So it's not about the paps following you?" I tried to get a clearer idea.

"It kind of was, I mean when he leaves, his fans, they're going to tear us apart. they'll make us look like the bad guys and he'll be the good guy. And Isaac will just go back to feeling even more fan outcast.  I mean, do you know the number of girls that have come up to me now and tried to be friends with me,  because they know that you're dating him?" she hiccuped.

I understood exactly why she'd been the way she was. It all made sense.

"Evie, he's not going to do that. But You know how I know that?” I placed my hand around her after she sat up next to me.

"How?"

"Because your father never was as involved in our lives as he is. Remember when you told me your favourite book was pride and prejudice? well, Henry overheard you, and he's actually reading that book because he thought maybe he could try to converse with you over that. Your biological ass of a father would've never done that. Honey, Henry is one of the most humble kind-hearted man I know, he's been asking me all your favourite movies. Evelyn, fame doesn't matter to him. He loves being an actor not because of the fame, but because of how much he enjoys bringing those characters to life. Fame is something that just came along with it. " I could see her eyes softening, as I spoke.

"wait, he's reading pride and prejudice for me?"She chuckled.

"yep"

"I just thought he was into that" 

"You have to understand it's a change for him too, but he's trying. But this cannot work if it's only a one-way effort. Evelyn, I know Henry, I love him so much, some nights I cry because of how much I love him." I managed to get another giggle out of her. " And hey, how many times have I said that I loved a man and he was different?" 

"This is the first time" Evelyn wiped her face, and sat up straighter.

" I know it’s a big change it'll take time, no doubt, but come on, you've got to at least try, please?" I looked at her with hope-filled eyes.

"I'll try, I promise" she got up, walking to her door and then turned when I asked her where she was going."To apologize to your man" 

I raised my eyebrows at her calling him my man, but I wasn't complaining either.

I followed after her and heard her talking to Henry, but I didn't want to intrude so instead I headed into the kitchen.

*

While the hot cup of coffee in my head cooled down a little, Henry walked in, smiling.

"How'd it go?" I questioned him.

"She-um- she said she found it hilarious for no reason that I was reading pride and prejudice" 

I put the hot mug down on the counter and brought my palm up to my face. Facepalming I looked up at the man child I'd fallen for

 " Seriously, that's not what I was talking about ' I shook my head but smiled regardless.

letting out a laugh, he threw his head back " Well she apologized and said that she would try to get along with me, but if i " messed with you, she'd fight me" he made air quite gestures which made me giggle.

"and then she said that she was extremely grateful for the effort I'd put into getting along with Isaac and her" when he'd finished relating their conversation to me, he'd let out a breath. 

He put his arm around me, and hugged me tight, with his breath hitting my neck.

*

It had been a week since Evelyn and Henry managed to have a civil conversation, and today and I'd left early to get some groceries.

 I hoped that having left the two of them home with Isaac didn't turn out to be a disaster.

I'm sure I'd missed a couple of things off of my list in a hurry and worry about the 3 at home.

So I was undoubtedly surprised when I opened the door and stepped in, and the first thing I heard was, Henry, screaming at someone to stop throwing beer bottles at him. 

I couldn't put together what was happening so I quickly put the grocery bags down on the floor, in the middle of the hall, and walked into the living room where I heard him.

But instead of chaos and couch stuffing all over the place, Henry and Evelyn were sitting next to each other, in the middle of an intense battle in a videogame on the pc. 

I'd stood there, with my eyebrows raised for a few minutes.

"That was my reaction too when I heard them" 

I turned around to see my son standing behind me, and looking at his sister and Henry with his head tilted to the left and his hands on his waist.

"well, at least they're getting along" I laughed. Henry and Evelyn turned around at the sound of my voice.

"Yeah, while throwing beer bottles at each other"

"stop whining Isaac, not our fault you suck at video games" Evelyn sassed her brother, while Henry got up chuckling.

"Shut up Evelyn"

"why, would that make you any better at video games?" 

Henry helped me put the grocery in its place after I picked up the bags off of the hallway floor and placed them on the countertop, while the twins bickered and sassed each other back and forth.

" glad the house is still standing" I kissed Henry's cheek.

"Henry! I'm no expert but I'm pretty sure Eve's beating the crap out of your character!" 

"oh shit, I gotta go love," Henry said, running out of the kitchen.

[anarmorofwords]

Hi! You're probably not going to like this ask, but before getting into it I'd just like to say that this isn't meant as Kamala hate or anything, and I don't really want to offend.

Having said that, wouldn't it make sense that we get to see how Kamala treated Anna after she came out? It's in all likelihood one of the things that's weighing on Anna the most.

Obviously Kamala had her valid reasons: her parents aren't as liberal as the Lightwoods, she believes (knows?) their love is conditional as she's adopted, she's not white and not being heterosexual could further any treatment she's suffered from being different... Her reasons have already been listed multiple times by multiple people. Kamala has the right to stay in the closet and fear coming out. And while that shouldn't be villianised, we can't forget that closeted people can harm those around them.

If Kamala had kept treating Anna like a good friend, rumour would've sparked, and even if it was denied, she'd have been harmed by merely associating with Anna. Especially with the life Anna began leading; she could have been labelled as one of Anna's 'conquests' by the Clave. That, as we've established, is detrimental for her safety.

But at the same time, it would create a breach between Anna and Kamala. And Anna had the right to be hurt by it and weary of it when Kamala said she wanted a relationship.

If we look at it from that perspective, Anna's actions (though inexcusable in how they treated Kamala --who was also at fault for not accepting a negative for four months) make sense. Kamala wasn't only a fling of a week*, but also the girl she lost her virginity with, who asked her to be her secret (until she married Charles, after which Anna's affections would be discarded), who hid her sexuality for two years and sat back while Anna suffered from homophobic commentary, and who now wants a relationship hidden from most of the people that know her.

Kamala shouldn't be forced to come out; but the harm that can do to the women she may engage with is reflective of what happens nowadays. I can mostly think of examples with gay men, so my apologies in advance. But how many women have seen their marriages ruined by their husband having affairs with men?

Creating characters that reflect a toxic part of the 'hidden' LGBT community shouldn't be seen as hating or villinifying. Thomas isn't out and he isn't labelled a villain by the narrative --because his actions don't harm anyone. The hate Alastair gets in-universe is because of his past as a bully, not because he's gay. Matthew's not fully out and he isn't villianised --like Thomas, because the decisions he makes to keep his sexuality hidden don't impact anyone negatively.

I'll even go as far as saying that not even the narrative villianises characters like Kamala and Charles. If it were, they'd be seen more like Grace in Chain of Gold. We'd see how Kamala's actions are affecting Anna's in more ways than anger (that in itself put the fandom against Anna), and the characters would note so. We wouldn't see scenes were Cordelia empathised with Charles, nor Matthew said he loved him.

Be it as it may, Kamala and Charles represent ugly parts of being closeted that can naturally occur when someone is in their position. LGBT people are human. Humans, when put into very difficult situations (and Charles risks his career; Kamala her safety), can make decisions that harm those around them. Consequently, the people they're harming have a right to feel, well, harmed in whatever range of ways --this goes mostly for Alastair, and very partly for Anna, whose treatment of Kamala was horrible.

Readers need to understand what is pushing these 'villianised' characters to harm (again, mostly for Alastair) the more prominent characters and go beyond how they are instantly depicted. Because these are complex characters based on complex real people influenced by very ugly realities we will move on from someday, but sadly not yet.

By the way, Charles and Kamala's situations aren't that similar beyond the closeted thing, but I crammed them together because of a post I saw you reblog.

Please understand I'm not justifying Charles's actions; that I understand the pain he's put Alastair through, and know that he shouldn't ever be near Alastair. Nor am I trying to justify Anna's actions nor hate on Kamala.

I'll just finish my pointless rant by adding that I do think cc has sensitivity readers. I think she asked a gay man to go through tec (I don't know if he still revised her other books, though), and know she asked POC's input when writing someone for their culture. I don't know much beyond that, but I doubt who revises her stuff is up to her. Wouldn't that be something the publisher is responsible for (honest question)?

*I've also noticed people using the argument that they didn't know each other long enough for Anna to harbour such ugly emotions towards Kamala, but Kamala also remembered Anna pretty deeply and is 'in love' with her. I just wanted to say that considering cc writes (fantastical) romance where someone can ask a woman they met two months ago marriage, stressing over time spaces doesn't make much sense. Just my take.

hi!!

alright, where do I start? probably would be best with stating that while I can analyse Kamala's situation with what I know/see/read about racism and discrimination and reasonably apply things I've read/heard from PoC to the discussion, as well as try to be as sensitive about it as possible, I'm still a white woman, so not a person that's best qualified to talk about this.

that being said - if someone wants to add something to this conversation, you're obviously more than welcome to, and if there's something in my answer that you don't agree with or find in some way insensitive or offensive - please don't hesitate to call me out on that.

back to your points though: (this turned into a whole ass essay, so under the cut)

I don't think Anna shouldn't be able to reminiscent on Kamala's behaviour/reaction to her coming out, or be hurt by it. what bothers me is the way CC talks about it - I can't remember the exact phrasing, but the post where she mentioned this suggested something along the lines of "you'll see how Kamala sided with the Clave and didn't defend Anna after her coming out", therefore putting the blame on Kamala and completely disregarding the fact that Kamala wasn't in position to do much at all. It suggest that their situation was "poor Anna being mistreated by Kamala". therefore I'm afraid Kamanna's main problem/conflict will remain to be portrayed as "Anna having to allow themselves to love again and forgive Kamala", while Anna's shortcomings - and Kamala's vulnerable position - are never discussed. I think it would be possible to acknowledge both Kamala's difficult situation and the possible hurt her behaviour caused Anna without being insensitive towards Kamala's character, but it would take a really skilled - and caring - author to do both of the perspectives justice. CC would have to find a balance between being aware of the racism/prejudice Kamala faced/ writing her with lots of awareness and empathy, and still allowing her to make mistakes and acknowledging them. As it is however, I'm under impression that she's just treating it as a plot device, a relationship drama.

I'd say no one expects characters of color to be written as flawless or never making mistakes, it's mostly the way these mistakes are written and what things these characters are judged/shamed/

And that's - at least in my understanding and opinion - where the problem is. it's that the narrative never even addresses Anna's faults, and portrays Kamala as the one that caused all - or most of - the pain, without ever even acknowledging her problems and background.

White characters in TLH make mistakes and fuck up - because they're human and they're absolutely allowed to - but the thing is, non-white characters aren't afforded that privilege. Anna's behaviour is never questioned - none of it, shaming Kamala for not being able to come out, dismissing her desire to be a mother, or any of the questionable things she did in ChoI. Same with Matthew, James, Thomas. Alastair and Kamala however? they're constantly viewed through their past mistakes, and forced to apologize for them over and over, forced to almost beg for forgiveness. Moreover, those past mistakes are used as a justification of all and any shitty behaviour the other characters exhibit towards them now, which is simply unfair and cruel. They're held to a much higher standard.

So I'd like to say that yes, Kamala was in the wrong to keep nagging Anna after numerous rejections, and she was in the wrong to not inform Anna about Charles prior to them having sex - but that doesn't give Anna a free pass to constantly mistreat Kamala. And let's be real, Anna isn't stupid - while at 17 she could be naive and uninformed, I can't imagine how after years of hanging out with the Downworlders and numerous affairs and being out and judged by the Clave she's still so ignorant about Kamala's situation. I definitely think she's allowed to be hurt, but to still not understand why Kamala did what she did? Anna isn't blaming her for not telling her about Charles earlier - which would be fair - but instead for refusing to engage in an outright romance with her. She's being ignorant - and consciously so, I think.

Overall, I think you're definitely right about how coming out - or staying closeted - can be messy and hurt people in the process, especially in unaccepting environments/time periods, and I've seen enough discourse online to know there will never be a verdict/stance on this that will satisfy everyone. I, for one, would really like to refrain from putting all the blame on a single person - but, at least the way I see it, CC is pointing fingers. maybe not directly, but she is. Kamala, Alastair and Charles have no friends or support systems, and the only people in the narrative that defend them are themselves (ok, Cordelia does defend Alastair from Charles, but not from shitty takes about him and his "sins"). Also, sorry, but I don't like how you say "hid her sexuality for two years and sat back while Anna experienced homophobic comments" - it sounds very much judgemental. Kamala had every right to do that? The fact that she slept with Anna doesn't means she owed her something, and certainly not coming out and most probably destroying her life, or even defending her at the - again - expense of her own reputation, or more possibly safety.

As for Charles - it's a different issue here, at least imo - I fear that it'll be implied that his refusing to come out will is his main "sin", and therefore not something he can be judged for, which ironically, will be villainizing, but mostly will mean his actual sins are dismissed. This is where the scene with Cordelia feeling a pang of sympathy for him comes into play, and it worries me. I've never hated Charles for not wanting to come out, but rather for, let's see - grooming Alastair, disregarding Alastair's needs and feelings, disrespecting his mother, being a sexist prick, being low-key far-right coded "make Shadowhunters great again" etc.

As for sensitivity readers - I'm no expert, so I don't think my input is worth much. From what I've gathered from multiple threads/discussions on twitter, tho it is probably consulted/approved by the publisher, many authors push for that - and authors less famous and "powerful" than her. I'm not a hater, but seeing fandoms' opinions on much of her rep, I think she could do better. Because if she does have sensitivity readers, then they don't seem to be doing a great job - maybe they're friends who don't wanna hurt her feelings? Or maybe she thinks a gay guy's feedback will be enough for any queer content - which, judging by the opinions I've seen from the fans, doesn't seem to be true.

Again, these are mostly my thoughts and I'm more than open to reading other opinions, because *sigh* I really don't know how to handle this.

Bottom line - I really really don't want to be hating on the characters in general, playing God in regards to judging the struggles of minorities, or even criticising the characters too harshly for being human, flawed etc. What my main issue is is how CC handles those complex and heavy topics.

I hope I make sense and this answer satisfies you somehow - I also hope someone better equipped to answer might wanna join this conversation.

* I desperately need a reread of TLH before I engage in any more conversations like this, but I didn't wanna leave you hanging. So yeah, I might be remembering things wrong. Again, let me know, I'm very much open to being corrected as well as to further discussion.

* I use she/her pronouns for Anna because that's what she uses in canon

[ssavanessa22]

Bad blood

Warnings: racism, hate crime, cannon type violence, kinda but not really smutty so like 16+ as always if I missed someone pls tell me !

A/n the girls of Wattpad really liked this one so I hope you all enjoy as well!

"Y/N you and Reid are going to lead this interview even though you are together make a great team and I think you can crake him are you guys okay with that?"

Spencer and I looked and each other and smiled in unison we replied.

"Yes we are more than okay with that"

Spencer and I have been together for 2 years 324days and 6 hours well that's what he said to me when I woke up next him laying of his bare chest, even though we basically spend every day together we still needed uno special time together and oh was it special. Before we told hotch about our relationship we were able to be in the field together until one time I thought Spence died and then I started crying and it was a whole big thing but now are months not working together we got to do what we both love and with each other.

Before we walked into the interrogation room together Spence turned to me and said.

"Are you sure your okay to do this, you don't have to if you don't want to this case is close to you even if he didn't hurt your family"

This unsub was committing hate crime murders for the last nine months pretending to go on dates with balck women then brutally murder them, Garcia found his manifesto online called "the eradication of all unpure women" it took Kevin who was with her at the time to calm her down as she had to read it out loud I felt bad for her but everyone else felt bad for me. Was looking at me in that moment I wished more than ever to be where Tara was right now, interviewing a child rapist.

I replied to Reid whilst plastering on a fake smile,

"Spencer I'm gonna be fine if anything these women looking like me being like me makes me wanna catch this motherfucker even more"

He smiled and gently kissed me before we both walked in.

"Tyler Walker do you know hey your here"

He ignored my question then Spencer asked the same one only then did he reply.

"Tyler if I'm going to be in here you need to speak to both of us" I sternly replied

"Well if your gonna bring you boyfriend in here since you clearly can't do this on you own them I'm gonna talk to the man here if you'd don't mind"

Spencer interjected saying

"Tyler we found the hearts of all the women murdered in you home why were they in there?"

I don't know I didn't touch them"

He didn't ask if you touched them we asked what you did to those girls" I sternly said.

"You know what If you want to know what I hypothetically would have done to those women I tell you, but only little miss chocolate in the room and only her."

Before Reid could protest I said "yeah sure let's talk"

Spencer's POV

As I walked to the door I gave y/n a reassuring smile she turned and gave me one back but her face was filled with anger and fear, she would never tell me this but she was scared. We didn't shy away from the topic of race within our relationship I read of lot of books and educated myself before I even started dating her I would never understand but I will always try my hardest to be there. And sometimes she just wanted to come home and cry let her emotions out about what it was like being black in American and that was okay as well because I love her.

"How do you think she's gonna do in there?" JJ asked reluctantly

"If I'm being honest I don't know"

Y/N's POV

I sat down trying to make myself look bigger and take up more space within the room than I actually did to encourage my self but in my head I was fucking shitting it.

"Okay we are alone now tell me"

"Just remember sweetheart this is all hypothetical I never did anything if the thing I am about it say" Tyler replied in a menacing tone

"Yes I know get on with it then"

The next 15 minutes felt like a blur, 15 minutes 900 seconds that's how long I heard Tyler speak about all the torcher he wanted to our women like me through half way he started to refer to the women with my name making me imagine him doing these Haines and despicable things to me. I think what was the worst part was that he was smiling whilst he describe these disgusting thing to me he smiled I felt violated and felt used and felt like he had infested my personal space chipping away at the emotional armour I developed whilst having this job.

Once he finished I was on the brink tears but I never going to show him that I left the room being met only by Spencer's face he was seething but I didn't care I just wanted him to hold me to tell me everything was going to be okay.

"Y/N it's okay your okay your other now" he said whilst soothing me.

"I just don't think I can get back in there-"

As I said that Derek stormed in took one look at me and brought me to his arms even though it wasn't Spencer it just felt right in the time to hug him he would understand the most out of the team what I was going through.

"Y/N I know you said you don't want to go back in there but he got him his prints were all over the bodies we found and he had the hearts of the victims he's going to go away for a long time but now you can tell him that take back your power Y/N"

"Ok I'll do it"

"Y/N are you sure you wanna do it this you don't have to?" Spencer said whilst searching my eyes for any fear I had.

I smirked at Spencer whilst he looked at me in confusion I replied.

"Nope I'm okay and I know just what I'm gonna talk about"

By this point the whole team was in the room

"Y/N are you okay love I heard what happened"

"I'm okay Emily but right now you get to watch me drag a white supremacist to filth."

I barged into the interrogation room not letting Tyler speak.

"Okay listen Up bird brain your already done for we found your prints all over the body and that were at your house so now this is just a formality"

"So if you think you've caught me why I am not in a jail cell right now? Hmm"

"You were so nice to me and described the rape, torture, murder and the disfigurement that you would do to me so now I'm just going to repay the favour"

"You know you were right about him being my boyfriend you know"

"so the lanky white one is you boyfriend, I've always said that pure breads shouldn't mix with you people"

"Tyler your going to prison for a very long time you racist rhetoric means nothing to me,but since you I have been so kind to me I am going to spend the next 15 no 20 minutes going in full detail about the amazing sex I had with my white boyfriend last night if we can fit it all in 20 minutes. We will just have to see won't we?"

Spencer's POV

My jaw had dropped to the floor when y/n said that I mean yes it would be hot for her to describe every single we did last night both of us have an eidetic memory so I know she remembers it all but in front of a racist unsub I had I was weirdly impressed and terrified at the same time.

"You don't think she's actually gonna do that?" I asked to the team in complete and utter shock

"Reid when was the last time y/n has ever lied to us?"

"Once JJ but she couldn't even go the whole day telling the lie she ended buying hotch a dozen of his favourite donuts even though she only ate one"

Derek and Emily started chuckling and said.

"That means she's not lying"

The unsub was seething with anger when y/n carried on speacking

" Tyler I didn't a little digging on you and I found out form you pervious girlfriends that apparently you can't put it up in one of you girlfriends exact words she says no matter how hard I tried he could never get hard"

"You don't know anything you slut"

"oop Tyler your using big words especially with someone who only has the education of a 5th grader"

But you know what Tyler lucky for you I have and eidetic memory I don't think you know what that is so I'm just gonna tell you... that means I remember everything so we're gonna have some fun together hmm"

20 minutes, 1200 seconds that's how long y/n spoke in detail about about sexual escapades from last night throughout these 20 minutes Derek started recording so he could send this back to Garcia. Light  chuckles and laughs were heard here and there then oos and ahhs, then total shock was the look on everyone's face and a gasp coming from Garcia who Derek had patched in a phone call so she could listen too when y/n got to the last bit.  I guess they just assumed because I'm the youngest apart from y/n and .... well I'm me that we would have a boring sex life but I guess we surprised them.

Y/N's POV

After I finished I wasted no time in leaving but before I did I said one more thing.

Tyler you are going to prison for a very long time you probably get life or even the death penalty so I want you to remember what I spoke to you about every single time you try your hardest to get it up every. Single. Time. I hope you know after your manny years in prison never getting to see the outside again and you die I will be sleeping soundly knowing you are burning in hell"

I walked out and the whole team was silent in utter shock of what I said then i realised I probably shouldn't have said any of that too an unsub.

" omg hotch I am so sorry that was completely inappropriate and unacceptable what I did in there and wasn't right at all I-"

"I'm sorry y/n I don't know what your talking about what did you say in there"

"What I just spent the last 20 minutes-"

Seriously y/n what are you talking about you went I told him what he was being charge for and you walked back out hun what are you talking about?"

Im what I'm so confused what?"

Then Spencer finally said

"Babe I know I can be dumb sometimes but please read the room"

I looked around still so confused until I finally realised.

Ohhhhh ok yeah yeah I get it now"

Okay but when are you are pretty boy releasing the sex tape cause I would like to pre order"

The whole teams was laughing including me and Spencer I replied simply with

"in your dreams Morgan in your dreams"