#this can be seen in all my fandom posts but unfortunately everybody wants to complain abt everything and Hate so im like uhhh

[br1ghtestlight]

terrible personality trait of mine is that i always try to appreciate things for what they are rather than complain about what they're not or what they couldve been but then everyone else wants to complain and im like. well i thought it was fun :(

[tea-and-la]

“Katara is Hot-Headed”

.... okay, so i’ve seen this ICE cold take enough time to warrant a formal post. i’ve seen and strongly agree with the posts i’ve seen that refute this, like @shewhotellsstories post here. but unfortunately, this sentiment is still something that’s widely accepted in the atla fandom. it’s no surprise that “katara is hotheaded” is the common argument for “why zutara doesn't work.” and while it’s more than irritating that zutara antis love to align them in ways that are only negative in nature, i’m not going to get into that. i’m going to focus on katara. 

one of the key defining aspects of katara’s personality is her patience. she is unwavering in her faith of aang (through their numerous supportive talks), as well as her encouragement of her friends when they need it (ex. toph in the runaway and sokka in sokka’s master.) but most notably? let’s talk about the desert episode because this is where katara’s patience really shines. 

there are a lot of things going on in that episode. aang is dealing with grief from the loss of appa and lashes out at both toph and katara while also intermittently flying away from the group. what would a “hot headed” or quick-tempered person do in this situation? let’s look at some of the dialogue: 

aang: [Enraged.] How could you let them take Appa?! ‌ Why didn't you stop them‌?!

toph: [Defensively.] I couldn't! The library was sinking! You guys were still inside and-

aang: [Snaps at Toph in a harsh way.] You just didn't care! You never liked Appa! You wanted him gone!

aang looks extremely furious at Toph as Katara walks over to him. She puts her hand on his shoulder to try and calm him down.

katara: We're all concerned, but we can't afford to be fighting now.

in that dialogue, katara inserts herself in to mediate. she recognizes that he’s in a dark place, and she sees past the harshness of his words to see that they come from a place of hurt, not malice. she reacts with empathy and understanding. 

a quick-tempered person would not have responded in this way.

the majority of this episode, katara is essentially the leader of the group. it’s swelteringly hot, which is enough for any hot headed person to get irritated, but she doesn’t. 

toph: Katara, can I have some more water?

katara: Okay, but we've got to try to conserve it.

sokka: [As he points to his mouth.] We're drinking your bending water. [He tries to define the taste of the water, smacking his lips. Disgustedly he exclaims.] You used this on the swamp guy! Urch!

toph: It does taste swampy.

katara: [Sad tone.] I'm sorry, it's all we have.

in this scene, even momo complains about the taste of the water, the only water they have. and katara’s response was to apologize for something she can’t control. 

after this point, she has to lead toph through the sand, while sokka is high on cactus juice and aang is upset. instead of getting frustrated, she tries to inspire hope into them all: 

aang: [Hopelessly.] What's the difference? We won't survive without Appa. We all know it.

katara: [Encouraging.] Come on, Aang. We can do this if we work together. Right Toph?

toph: As far as I can feel, we're trapped in a giant bowl of sand pudding. I got nothin'.

katara: [Hopeful.] Sokka? Any ideas how to find Ba Sing Se?

Sokka and Momo lie side by side on their backs, arms and legs stretched out. Sokka smiles blissfully.

she does get annoyed, but she doesn’t direct that frustration at any of them, unlike a quick tempered person would do.

katara: [Grabs her head in annoyance.] Ugh ... We're getting out of this desert, and we're going to do it together! Aang, get up. Everybody, hold hands. We can do this. We have to.

the point of these excerpts isn’t to say that anyone else in the gaang is horrible. i just wanted to point out the moments when she could’ve gotten frustrated and lashed out, but didn’t. not once. 

patience and quick temperedness are antonyms of each other. and imo, the fact that so much of katara’s character is defined by her patience (even outside of this specific episode) and nurturing (for over 80% of the show)  is enough to refute her “hotheadedness.” especially, when the other members of the gaang are allowed to be upset and/or angry on occasion and their dispositions/temperaments are not immediately associated with hotheadedness. maybe unpack why that is. 

let’s take the instance when she and toph argue in the chase. first of all, this episode is characterized by all of the members of the gaang being sleep deprived (i.e. not in their normal states), so their attitudes should be taken with a grain of salt. (what humans do you know that are happy-go-lucky when they haven’t slept enough?)

 anyway, the episode starts with katara attempting to lightly hint to toph about  group dynamics. 

katara: So Toph, usually when setting up camp, we try to divide up the work.

toph: [Shrugging casually.] Hey, don't worry about me. I'm good to go.

katara: Well, actually what I'm trying to say is, [Holds arms out in gesture.] some of us might fetch water, while someone else might set up the fire pit, or put up the tent. [Momo flies over to her, dropping several berries he had collected into her hands.] Even Momo does his fair share.

toph: [Breezily.] Katara, I'm fine. I can carry my own weight. I don't need a fire, [Pats bag.] I've already collected my own food and look, [Earthbends a rock tent over her.] my tent's all set up.

katara: [Slightly irritated.] Well, that's great for you, but we still need to finish 

toph: [Angered.] I don't understand what's the problem here!

katara: Waves her hand dismissively and walks away.] Never mind.

from the above excerpt, she drops the issue and doesn’t lash out. later, she even goes back and tries to make amends with toph. she even tries smiling before she heads over there.

Cuts to Katara, who sets down a jug of water. She looks over at Toph, sitting comfortably beneath her earth tent. Her dull expression changes to one of slight happiness. She approaches Toph who is eating some sort of food item.

katara: [Rubs back of head sheepishly.] Hey Toph, I wanted to apologize for earlier. I think we're all just a little tired and getting on each other's nerves.

toph: [Casually.] Yeah, you do seem pretty tired.

katara: [Growing disgusted.] I meant all of us.

Cuts to shot of inside Toph's earth tent as she lazily tosses the food item onto the ground and lays her head down to rest.

toph: Well, good night.

katara: [Slightly irked.] Good night.

none of her mannerisms and word choices are characteristic of someone with a temper. despite toph’s slight unintentional antagonistic remarks, katara doesn’t react. 

later, after they managed to evade the azula’s tank train for the night, they land appa. and katara tries, again:

toph: [Leaping off Appa and lying on the ground, relieved.] Ah, land sweet land! [Rises and says cheerfully.] See you guys in the morning!

katara: Actually, can you help us unload?

toph: [Points a finger at Katara in irritation.] Look! I didn't ask you to help unload my stuff! [Turns and begins walking away.] I'm carrying my own weight.

katara: [Angrily.] That's not the point. [Approaches Toph.] Ever since you joined us, you've been nothing but selfish and unhelpful!

toph: [Enraged.] What? Look here, sugar queen, [Points finger at Katara.] I gave up everything I had so that I could teach Aang earthbending. So don't you talk to me about being selfish!

the only times when katara reacts in anger that could be perceived as impulsive, is when she is insulted by Pakku and when Sokka suggests that she leave the Fire Nation town without helping. Both of these are hardly instances of hotheadedness, and moreso a reflection of who she is as a character: someone who doesn’t turn her back on people who needs her and someone who fights injustice. 

why would we call katara hotheaded for not settling for being antagonized by a misogynistic asshole? she was a trailblazer in that scene and it meant so much to the little girls of the Northern Water Tribe. similarly, why would we call her hotheaded for not being able to turn away from people who are in need? after all, that’s a core part of her character’s trauma: feeling of survivor’s guilt that there was something she could’ve done to save her mom. it’s part of why she has to act to help others. her passion isn’t synonymous with hotheadedness. 

[vannahfanfics]

Ocean Melody

Category: Mild Romantic Fluff

Fandom: Kingdom Hearts

Characters: Sora, Kairi

Additional Tags: Soulmate AU

Hey, everyone! Here’s today’s SoKai story for @sokaiweek​, this time based on the AU prompt— and since soulmate AUs are my favorite, of course, that’s what I decided to do! <3

A song— Kairi had heard it in her soul ever since she was old enough to recognize it as song. Everyone was born with a song in their hearts, and that song linked them to their soulmate; every pair was unique, possessing their own melody that linked them in love and eternity. Every morning, Kairi would stand upon the beach below her house with her feet in the surf, humming the tune of her melody in the hopes that the wind would carry it across the ocean to the person she was meant to love— and every day, that melody went unanswered. So she waited, all alone in her house near the sea, for the day her solo would finally become a duet. 

Many days, she found herself staring out her window down at the beach like this. She wasn’t sure why, but the sea called to her like another melody, the gentle ebb and flow of the waves a song that tried to entice her to its endless blue. A cup of tea long since cold rested in her hand as she gazed unblinkingly through the glass, watching the sand dunes ruffle in the salty breeze and the sea foam spray with each crash of the waves. 

“Kairi?” 

Kairi jumped as Selphie suddenly spoke. The cup rattled against the saucer in her hand, spilling cold tea all over the counter, her hands, and her front. Kairi cursed under her breath and hurriedly set the dishes in the sink, then grabbed a dish towel to mop up the brown liquid. Unfortunately, there wasn’t much she could do about the brown spots dotting the front of her pink-and-white sundress. She would just have to attempt to wash them out later. 

“Sorry,” she apologized, dabbing at the wet spots on her front while she turned to her friend, who was sitting at her kitchen table with an amused look. “I got lost in thought… What were you saying?” 

“I was talking about Tidus!” she exclaimed, throwing her hands up in the air. “How lucky can he get? I mean, how many people’s soulmates are pop stars? He heard his soulmate song on the radio, and whadaya know, his soulmate is that up-and-coming popstar, Yuna. I would kill for it to be that easy for me!” Selphie complained, pushing her fist into her cheek once she finished venting. Kairi chuckled, walking over to join her friend in the wooden chair. She picked up one of the petit fours sitting in the middle of the table and brought it to her mouth to take a small bite of the rich, sweet cake before answering. 

“I’m sure you’ll find your soulmate soon, Selphie. It happens every day.” 

“Yeah, well, I wish it would happen to-day,” her friend sniffed disdainfully, and Kairi chuckled again. She certainly shared Selphie’s sentiments, but it was amusing how enthusiastically her friend was willing to complain about it. She continued to munch on the petit fours while her friend lamented her loveless woes, but all the while, her heart yearned to gaze upon the ocean. She knew not why it called her so; sometimes, she wondered if the ocean was her soulmate, with how much she stared at it. 

Of course, that would be silly. Nonetheless, she was drawn to it, day after day after day. 

It was the next morning when Kairi found out why. 

She just stood there gaping, still holding the long hem of her sundress bunched up in one hand in preparation to step into the swirling surf. The wind ruffled her hair, the fabric of her dress, her short auburn hair— and the few spikes of dry brown hair of the man who lay face-up on the beach, half-in and half-out of the water with seaweed still clinging to the drenched fabric of his sailor’s uniform. It took Kairi a few precious seconds to realize that it was in fact a person lying there, and when she did, she scrambled across the sand with a startled gasp. She fell on her knees beside him, hands fluttering over his chest, and she was relieved to find both a steady heartbeat and a pattern of breathing. 

“Oh, I am so glad you’re not drowned,” Kairi sighed with a smile, though he was totally unconscious and couldn’t hear her. She reached up to place her hand on his clammy cheek, and though it was pale and cold and wet with seawater, she still fancied the softness of his skin. He just continued to sleep on, serene aside from the way his hair and clothes clung to his body. “Where did you come from?” she murmured. 

And why did the sea bring you to me?

Kairi managed to haul him up to her house, though she dragged in half the beach with her. She brushed as much of the sand from his back as she could before she lowered him onto the couch, then tore across the house gathering every blanket she could. Once she had cocooned him up nice and warm, she called the nearby doctor. While she waited, she swept all the sand back out of the house, though she was certain she would find grains of it for years to come. That was okay; each one would be a strange little reminder of the strange man on the beach, the strange call of destiny. 

The doctor assured him that he only had a mild fever, and with proper care, it should break by the morning. Kairi dutifully remained by his side through the highs and lows, whispering to him through his shaking and sweating fits and dozing in the sparse hours he slept peacefully. By the time the dawn broke, her eyes were droopy and laced with exhaustion and her hair a bit frazzled, but he’d been fever-free for four hours. 

Just a quick nap, she told herself while her eyes drifted shut. She descended into the gray-black haze of sleep. In the void, she heard the tune of her soulmate song, the gentle chiming of piano keys that always lulled her into a sense of peace. 

“Where… Where am I?” 

She jolted awake to see him staring tiredly up at the ceiling, blue eyes hazy with post-fever confusion. The sun was spilling brightly into the room now; her quick nap had actually been a few hours. She hurriedly leaned forward to pat the blankets over his chest, pulling his muddled gaze to her. She couldn’t help but blush at the way his eyes brightened just a little. 

“You’re all right. You’re on Destiny Islands. You washed up on the beach and have been very sick for the past day,” she explained, laying the back of her hand on his forehead to check his temperature. He blinked blearily at her, taking a few minutes to process what she’d just told him. 

“You… You saved me?” he rasped. Kairi nodded, then got up to grab a cold glass of water for him from the kitchen. She coaxed him to drink, and he greedily sucked down a total of three glasses before he finally collapsed back against the throw pillow with a sigh. “Thank you… My name is Sora.” 

“I’m Kairi. Do you need anything, Sora? Would you like more water, or…?” Her voice faltered as he smiled sweetly at her, and her heart thumped against her ribcage. 

“No… If you’d sit and talk with me a while, that would be good enough.” 

So they sat and talked for a while. Sora told her that he was a sailor traveling the world to explore different sights and cultures with his friends. They had run afoul of a thunderstorm, and in trying to save the ship from floundering, he’d been thrown overboard. He managed to cling to a barrel, but he’d lost consciousness within the shallows— thankfully, the sea had been merciful and brought him ashore. 

As his strength returned, he told her so many things about what he’d seen in his travels— snowy mountain peaks that pierced the sky, deserts that stretched to the horizon, jungles with a thousand creatures and torrential rains— and the people. He loved talking about all the amazing people he’d come across. He spoke of a shaman who’d performed ritual dances, of a princess who hunted with hawks, of a circus performer who did death-defying stunts with fire, of a world-renowned artist who painted the most gorgeous landscapes. Kairi hung onto his every word, drinking in all the things he’d experienced like it could make up for the fact that all she’d ever been was this sleepy house on the sea.

“Your life sounds so amazing, Sora,” she sighed, relaxing into the coffee table once he’d finished telling his latest story. He was sitting up now, the blankets loosely wrapped around him and a warm mug of tea in his hands. 

“Yeah, I’d consider myself pretty lucky,” he nodded and then sipped at his tea. “But to be honest, I think it’s just to make up for the one thing I’m missing.” 

“Missing?” she echoed, and he gave her a sheepish look. 

“My soulmate, you know? I’m sure you’ve felt it too… Like there’s a void in your soul that you can never fill.” Oh, Kairi had felt it. She felt it every day when she sang to the sea, begging the winds to carry her melody across the oceans to her special someone. She nodded sagely, but she didn’t realize she’d started crying until the tears dripped down onto her face. “Ah, sorry, I didn’t mean to make you cry,” Sora chuckled apologetically and reached out to gently thumb them away. She found herself leaning a little into the caresses, savoring the calloused pad of his finger. 

“It’s all right…” she murmured once he sat back. “I guess it’s just because I don’t have something to fill the void.” 

“Yeah?” 

“Yeah… I just sit here waiting. It’s kind of depressing, now that I realize it,” she said with an embarrassed look. How pathetic could she be? Just waiting day after day instead of doing something amazing like Sora. 

Frowning, Sora set the mug down and took her hands. He rubbed gentle circles over her palms as he looked into her eyes. 

“I don’t think it’s depressing at all. Everybody deals with it differently. I think that makes you a really strong person, to have faith day after day that your soulmate will come to you.” He said it with such a serious and passionate look that it was so easy to believe him, or maybe it was just that Kairi didn’t want to face the reality that it was just a sad way to live. She leaned in, too distraught to consider how close their faces were, to whimper, “Yeah?” 

“Yeah,” he smiled sweetly, and he discarded one of her hands to reach up and pet her cheek. Her heart thumped in her chest again. Oh, this wasn’t good. This was getting dangerous, having feelings for a man she just met and who probably wasn’t her soulmate— but why did it feel so right? 

“In fact…” he said, his smile suddenly taking on a hint of cheekiness, “I think that day will come sooner than you think.” Kairi’s eyes widened, having the strange feeling that his words were more than just reassurance. She blushed as he leaned a little closer, close enough for their noses to brush. “You sing in your sleep, you know,” he revealed, and Kairi’s nerves sang as his breath ghosted over her face. 

And then he started humming, and Kairi felt like the world stopped around her, because that was her song, the song she’d sung to the waves every day of her life, and Sora was caressing her cheek, and it was her song.

She started crying again, and Sora laughed quietly, tilting his head to nose at the junction of her jaw and face. She couldn’t help but laugh, too, laugh at the silliness of crying with joy but she couldn’t help it. 

“I’m a pretty bad soulmate,” he joked, “because all I seem to be able to do is make you cry.” 

“Yeah,” she giggled while she tried to wipe her tears away but more dripped down from her eyes to replace them. “What’s up with that?” 

“Sorry,” he laughed and leaned in to press his forehead against hers. Surely it was the sea that brought him, she thought, as she gazed into the oceanic blues of his eyes. That was why the sea had called her so. And he tasted like the sea, too, when he leaned in to kiss her, like salt and ocean breeze and endless possibilities. He held her like the most precious treasure as he kissed her once, twice, three times, and then he pulled away to smile, and then he was kissing her again because he couldn’t get enough. Kairi couldn’t get enough of him either, savoring the feeling of his slightly chapped lips moving over her own. It was perfect, everything she’d dreamed of, and for the first time in her life she finally felt whole. 

After that, she and Sora went down to the sea together, hand-in-hand. Kairi didn’t sing to the waves that day. She didn’t have to now; her heart sung to Sora’s, and Sora’s to hers, and it was a harmony that only they could hear and know.

Enjoy this oneshot? Feel free to peruse my Table of Contents!

[something-in-the-seas]

Sorry to bother once again, (I had the Bioshock Infinite bullshit centrism ask and the Burial at Sea ask) but I’m replaying Bioshock 2 again as well and I can’t help but think...why does this one in particular have such a hardcore fan base? Returning to Rapture just isn’t very thrilling whatsoever, and the level design as well as even the graphic design of ads and art in the world is an enormous downgrade from the first game. Sure, the gameplay was good for 2008, but it has aged pretty badly a few things aside (the improved hacking creates great moments of tension). The color palette of the game goes from brown to dark golds, and the splicers just aren’t as engaging either. The world building and characters just feel incredibly expository and unnecessary. Sophia Lamb and collectivism just feels like cliche cult writing and not as wholly dangerous as objectivism/anarcho-capitalism and also feels like at times it’s just trying to do a critique of left wing politics and it doesn’t work. I understand Rapture is pretty much a post apocalyptic society and is just degrading rapidly, but the world just isn’t as immersive as the first and feels like a cheap imitation. Minerva’s Den really feels like the saving grace of this game, and it’s story is much better, but it is unfortunately relegated to being DLC. People complain about Bioshock Infinite’s retcons, but this entire game feels like it doesn’t have actual canonical parity to the first game and wholly unnecessary. I understand that 2k gave devs a VERY limited amount of time (like maybe a year and a half) and they got screwed over and that contributes to a lot of the shortcomings, but I just don’t understand why people in the OG fandom love it. Levine sucks, but even him and that team got shafted by 2k and forced to streamline a lot of the content they had originally made for Infinite(I was obsessed with the development of Infinite, and they brought in Gears of War and Call of Duty managers to streamline everything for the mainstream gamers from what I remember) Knowing this...why should Levine or that team consider Bioshock 2 a canon entry to the world they created? Through this lens I almost understand why Levine and that development team basically broke that universe with Burial at Sea, quite possibly knowing that studio would be dissolved and knowing 2k(a horrendous company tbh) would want to continue using the brand name and world of Rapture for a thing that team worked on for so long. As far as the Bioshock Rapture novel itself and canon...the novel itself doesn’t take a lot of the canonical events in Bioshock 1 into consideration and a lot of the prose just feels flat :/

Well, as a fan of Bioshock 2, I guess I’ll shed some insight as to why it has such a devoted fan base and why people have really turned around on the game in recent years. The game isn’t everybody’s cup of tea, and Minerva’s Den is fantastic, but it holds a special place in my heart.

Bioshock 2 absolutely still has the best game play in the series. Compared to the original Bioshock, which does feel a bit clunky, and Infinite, which doesn’t even have a weapon wheel, Bioshock 2 takes the combat system introduced in the first game and significantly improves it. Dual wielding plasmids and weapons is a game changer, you’re able to efficiently swap between the two without the wait time of pulling out your weapon. There’s a reason why people want the new game to have 2’s style of combat. Compared to Infinite’s shooting gallery style game play, it still favors exploration like the first but also experimentation when it comes to using your plasmids.

2’s designs and color pallets can still be absolutely gorgeous. It’s been eight years since Bioshock, so things are going to be rusted and in terrible shape. The game also focuses on the poorest parts of Rapture compared to the original game, which has you go to the richest neighborhoods and entertainment centers. Pauper’s Drop isn’t going to be as pretty as Arcadia or Fort Frolic.

Compared to Infinite, which is just twist after twist to try to out do the iconic WYK twist in Bioshock, 2’s story is simple: you’re just a dad trying to save your daughter. However, it does what Infinite cannot and gives you freedom. You’re able to kill or walk away and it changes the story. The characters you meet are less way expository than the ones in Infinite, who just appear to shed some backstory on Booker or Elizabeth and then die. Sparing Slate doesn’t matter, but sparing Grace does.

Grace, for example, is able to recognize Delta’s humanity and turn away from Lamb’s cult because her love for Eleanor is stronger than her fear of Lamb. As you read her audio diaries, you find out she’s an incredibly tragic character who isn’t a bad person, the world has just hurt her. Showing compassion to Grace is something she’ll never forget, and while Stanley and Gil are never seen again, I think if the team had more time, they would have included their responses. It’s implied through the statues in Persephone, though, that Delta sparing Stanley gets him to finally get his shit together and Gil is able to fight back against Alex the Great. The biggest twist 2 comes from Sinclair not being your Judas like Atlas was, even though the game hints at this, but he selflessly sacrifices himself for you and Eleanor because he’s grown to care about you.

Lamb is a controversial villain, but I think she’s miles better than Comstock when it comes to writing. She’s a terrifying, powerful figure who doesn’t rely on sexualization to get what she wants. She’s very intelligent, she runs circles around Ryan and Fontaine. Her ideals aren’t exactly terrible and she started off wanting to do the right thing, but she emotionally manipulates and gaslights people around her to do what she wants. She takes advantage of others and at the end doesn’t care about her “family.” They’re a means to an end for her, the end being Eleanor becoming her “utopian.” She’s emotionally and physically abusive to Eleanor and doesn’t respect her autonomy.

I see Bioshock 2 as less of a criticism of leftism, but more of a criticism on cults and organized religions in general. Unlike the original Bioshock, which has references to Judaism because the majority of the characters are Jewish, 2 has a lot of references to Christianity. A lot of people have a hard time understanding what exactly Lamb believes, but if you put in perspective the similarities The Rapture Family has to the Catholic Church, than things make a lot more sense. Lamb and her followers commit cruel acts under their “religion,” Delta commits good acts because it’s the right thing to do.

2 doesn’t feel very connected to the other games, though it should really with Infinite given the glaring similarities between the two. It feels like it’s own story and that works with me. There are huge stakes with Lamb possibly destroying the world if she wins, but it also has the sweetest father-daughter relationship in gaming. You have Mark Meltzer, who goes through hell and back to find Cindy and gives up his life for her, and you have Delta and Eleanor. There’s no animosity, there’s no tension, they just love each other unconditionally. Delta’s love for Eleanor is so powerful that a whole city full of cultish splicers and Big Sisters just couldn’t stop him.

There’s definitely things in 2 that are problematic like the homophobic brute splicers, but it’s not just my favorite of the trilogy, it’s my favorite game of all time. I love Bioshock 2. I love Bioshock 2 because it doesn’t try to be more than what it is. You’re a dad who loves your daughter, and she loves you. When I first played Burial at Sea, I was so glum that I played Minerva’s Den and Bioshock 2 and I felt so much better with this being the chronological end of the series (for now). Also the Little Sisters are adorable and the highlight of the game, they have so much personality now.

It’d actually break my heart if 2K actually listened to Ken and made it not canon, it’s not his decision to make. Thankfully, though, it looks like we’re getting more 2 and Eleanor content which is awesome. I can’t wait to see an adult Eleanor on next gen graphics in her prime showing off why she’s the GOAT of the OG series.

[heyktula]

Fic Breakdown for Closer, Chapter One (aka, the DVD Extras)

So, chapter one of Closer, the first installment in Somewhere in Canada (the Terror kink AU)... went up today! And let me tell you what, I am hype because this is my very first longfic in the Terror fandom, and it's centered around a subject very near and dear to my heart—BDSM. It's a love letter to power exchange, the sheer joy of kink, conventions, and sex education.

Like other fic breakdowns I've done, this'll be in three parts—technical notes (like POV and stylistic choices), story notes (like characterization and kink info), and then, instead of the editing section I usually include, I'm going to talk about specific lines at the end.

I blame Edward for the line notes, tbh. I love him, but he's a himbo, and many things went unobserved in the course of this story.

(Okay, fine, it's not entirely his fault. Some of it is that he's just so steeped in kink that he doesn't think twice about a bunch of the stuff going on.)

Technical Considerations

Inspiration: So this fic is a love letter to kink, and kink education, and conventions, which in my experience can be life-changing opportunities to meet people with similar interests, and also to be able to do some exploration of your own and figure out what makes you tick. I'm pretty sure there's an AU version of me that makes their living off kink education and the convention circuit, but (un)fortunately, in this particular universe, I am a fic writer (and, occasionally, a paid one as well).

Closer is also a love letter to rough physical play. I remember sitting in my very first workshop on the topic, and just being wide-eyed that a) this is a thing, b) it looks fun. (It is, actually, fun.) There's a ton of reasons I love it—and hopefully, after Closer concludes, you'll be able to see some of the reasons why—but I also love that physical play doesn't have any financial barriers to entry. (The irony of Edward "rich boy" Little being heavily into it has not escaped me.)

Timeline:  Hilariously, I actually started this verse for a Fitzier fic—it takes place six months from Closer, at the winter version of the conference—but while I was working my way through the Fitzier setup, I was like 'fuck it, I should write a quick one-off joplittle to establish the verse', and lo and behold, my "quick one-off" turned out to be sixty k, and it runs parallel to a Tozer/Irving that I  have yet to write, but which is visible in Closer if you squint. So, uh, oops.

So this story fits into a very specific space in the timeline—that is, it's prior to Fitzjames and Crozier having met, but it's after the (second) Cracroft/Crozier breakup. (If you were wondering if that's why Francis isn't running his own damn booth, yes, that's why. He's very likely depression drinking in London at this very moment.)

Setting: I wanted to stay true to the spirit of the whole, you know, boatload of white men going to Canada and being confused, but I wanted them to go for better reasons. It's so rare that we get shows set in Canada, you know? And I feel very passionately about our winters here, in that I complain about them while they're happening, but I do also kind of enjoy the challenge, in a really fucked-up sort of a way. So I set the fic in Canada too, and then, because I was explicitly setting it here, I also got to lean into a bunch of Canadian stereotypes (like Goodsir living his best life in plaid and denim and the inevitable Tim Horton's jokes) and I actually had a lot of fun doing it, so I guess that was something I learned about myself.

Story Considerations:

Primary Kinks: So most people involved in BDSM have a "thing"—you know, the thing that they care about more than they care about any other things. And one of the most fun things for me about creating an AU like this is going through the characters and figuring out what everybody's niche is. Like, it makes sense to me that Hickey would be that edgeplay asshole that's in the kink scene specifically so he can fuck with people. Tozer having a military fetish (and also being a bit of a kink snob) totally fits with his whole "now what the bloody hell do people think that means?" speech.

If you've ever been to a fetish convention, you've seen guys like Blanky, who have been in the scene forever, and made their name handcrafting BDSM gear. They're easy to talk to, and will totally tell you about that time they ran an entire scene using only items found in their kitchen. You've seen women like Sophia Cracroft, who have a cluster of people surrounding her at all times, and who is never short of someone who will bring her tea if it looks like she's thirsty. And you've also seen guys like Ross, who are reasonably famous in their areas of expertise—the kind of guy that you see across the hall, and you're like "shit, is that James Clark Ross?" (And it is! Holy shit!)

Canadian Kink: So! I live in the prairies, and it's as conservative as hell out here. That means there's some specifics to kink culture that I'm not sure translate to other parts of Canada—and they definitely don't translate back to England. For example, every public event I've ever been to (by which I mean every event that wasn't being held in someone's house) has mandated that penetration cannot occur during the event. No toys in orifices, no bits in other bits, no mucous membranes touching, no oral, no fingering, no handjobs, no intercourse, all that kind of stuff. I'm not convinced that you couldn't have sex in a dungeon in, say, Vancouver, or Toronto, or any of the other bigger centers—but that hasn't been my experience in the prairies, and I kept those restrictions for plot purposes in Closer. (Sorry, Jopson. I promise I still love you.)

Canadian weapons laws being what they are also means that some of the gear that's totally okay in other places (like butterfly knives) is totally illegal in Canada (sorry, Tozer. No apologies for you, Hickey.). The sap gloves that Edward is mourning are, unfortunately, one of the items that get lost in the shuffle. Sap gloves are pretty neat—they're leather gloves which are weighted with lead on the knuckles/backs of the hands. They make your punches harder, but they also protect your hands—and, for somebody like Edward, who does a lot of punching when he plays, that protection is definitely beneficial. Plus, they're a bit of a signalling thing—having a set of sap gloves hanging off your belt makes it very clear what kind of things you're into, and I think Edward is a bit bereft not having that this weekend, because he's not used to having to make those introductions cold.

Edgeplay: There's sort of a, er. Spectrum of what is and isn't considered to be "acceptable" kink, even within the kink community. Some kinds of kink are seen as more publicly acceptable, and some kinds are relegated back to the fringes and the dark corners. In the context of Closer, that means Tozer, Hickey, and Little are our resident edgeplayers. This isn't a judgement on the type of play they do (well, it is a judgement on Hickey, but we don't have time to go into *gestures* all that), but it is a statement about the way that type of play is perceived. Sophia Cracroft can, with very little finessing, put photographs of her in rope suspension onto her various social media accounts, and as long as she's clothed, it's perfectly acceptable content to just have out there, and people are going to call it artistic and Instagram-worthy. Tozer, on the other hand, ain't getting any recordings of interrogation scenes he's run posted anywhere except to Pornhub.  (The less we say about Hickey's knife-play, the better.)

Similarly, because the rough physical play that Edward does looks fairly intense from the outside (and is pretty intense from the inside), he gets to live in the not-that-publicly-acceptable area of kink. The area of kink where they usually put the crash mats at the far end of the dungeon, because that way, if you don't want to watch two people whaling on each other with their fists, you don't need to see it. This "stigma" is important in Edward's conception of himself, because on one hand, we see in his conversation with Goodsir that Edward absolutely knows his shit and, hero-worship of Crozier aside, has the knowledge base to be a fantastic educator in his own right—but we also see the subtle kinkshaming coming from both Hickey and Tozer about where Edward's place is in all this. That is to say—Edward's place is with them, in the dark shadowy spots, and not in the "socially acceptable" circles that Crozier's circle of people (Jopson included) are perceived to be running in. (There's a sense, coming from Tozer, that there's no point in Edward pursuing getting onto the org committee for the conference itself, because they won't want someone like Edward there—but, again, that's some pretty insidious kinkshaming coming from Tozer, and we could all just let that go and be better for it. Goodsir clearly doesn't feel like Edward's presence would be a detriment.)

So, yeah. I'll excuse Tozer's kinkshaming bullshit temporarily, as he needs to sort himself out. I don't think he's trying to drag Edward down so much as he just thinks Edward's being a bit delusional, and wants to save him the disappointment when Jopson invariably rejects him for being way too kinky and intense. (If Edward is moping around all weekend, he'll be in the hotel room, and how's Tozer supposed to get his dick sucked by random hookups then? "Yeah, come on back to mine, don't mind my roommate, he's a moody bastard and won't participate even if we ask." Not winning any prizes there, lads.)

I won't excuse Hickey's kinkshaming; he's definitely trying to make Edward feel like shit on purpose. I could speculate as to the reasons, but they're probably gross. (I mean, I know the reasons. Hickey's gonna Hickey.)

(There's a whole entire essay I could write about incorrect assumptions that literally everyone is making about the type of play Thomas Jopson must be into, based on his nice hair and nice eyes and nice smile, but I'll just let Jopson handle those corrections on his own, as he's very capable of doing so.)

Concerning the Chapter Title: If you were gonna take a risk, Neddo, the social was the time to do it—and you done fucked that up, sweetheart.

Tomorrow is another day. Give it another shot then, yeah?

Line Notes:

Edward looks across the hall again, cringes. “No, fuck, that’s—no, I think that’s Sophia Cracroft, Sol, I’m not—Christ. Sophia Cracroft, Jesus.”

I will never not find this introduction to Edward Little fucking hilarious, because he comes off as so competent from Jopson's POV when he's arguing with Hickey in the parking lot, and yet the moment we see Edward in his own POV, he's just a mess. I love him very much, but he's a mess. This was one of the deciding factors in the dual POV as well—I knew going in that the brunt of the story was going to be from Edward's POV, but weaving in those occasional Jopson bits lets us see how Edward looks from the other side.

(Also, Tozer three hundred percent knows exactly who Sophia Cracroft is, because he demonstrates that, like, two sentences later, meaning that he’s literally just winding Edward up here, and it goes right over Edward’s head. God.)

It’s the older guy across the hall that’s laughing his ass off, but the cutie is standing right next to him, looking down at his phone, his ears charmingly pink. 

As a reminder, Edward is wearing a white tank, and just stretched his arms out behind his back. The nipple piercings are very obvious, Jopson was three hundred percent staring, and Blanky definitely caught him and is laughing his ass off about it.

“…I know what this is about,” Tozer says, tying an orange bandana around his left bicep.

The orange bandana is a hanky code thing—which, yes, it's dated, and it's not really in use anymore, but Tozer seems like the kind of guy that would tattoo his kinks on his forehead just so everybody could see them if they would all fit. Failing to find any way to gracefully do that, we instead have the orange hanky ("anything goes") on the left arm ("top").

(Older guy, thankfully, is wearing a ring on the fourth finger of his left hand. Cutie isn’t. So there’s no obvious problems there.)

Jopson not wearing a ring indicates literally nothing about whether or not he's available, but I guess whatever makes Edward feel better about himself is fine. He's right with his assumption about Jopson, in this case, but it's literally nothing more than a wild guess, and the mental hoops he's jumping through only exist to make him feel better about himself.

(Esther usually attends these events with Blanky—but somebody needed to hold down the fort in London this time, and so she's in London at present. It's for the best, she can check on Francis every so often.)

[Hickey] sticks his hand in the pocket of his latex cargo shorts...

I won't take criticism on this fashion statement, constructive or otherwise.



So, that's it for this week! Chapter two, Aware, goes up next Friday! See you then! And if you have questions or anything in the meantime, you can always drop me an ask on tumblr or Curious Cat!

[donnerpartyofone]

i just got a whole bunch of new followers on letterboxd, and checking out who they all are really reminded me of why i don’t follow too many people on letterboxd. bad amateur writing is hard to enjoy even ironically, but there’s something about bad film writing that’s really harmful. i have hate-read so many of this one guy’s reviews that i feel embarrassed about it now. he describes himself as an “arthouse manager”, which i assume means he runs a theater, but it bothers me because nobody says “let’s go out to the arthouse tonight” without the word “theater” in there, it’s just unnatural and pretentious. so that’s red flag #1 right in his description, which is followed by red flag #2 about how he hates modern media, as if being a luddite or nostalgia freak automatically means you’re a sensitive genius. it’s probably worth mentioning a sub-red flag, which is that he also says he’s 27 years old, which has to mean that he either wants to be congratulated for being precocious somehow, or he thinks he’s going to get laid off this movie website where you can’t even post pictures of yourself, or both, i mean who fucking cares how old you are anyway, for what reason? then the first review is of DAYS OF BEING WILD, in which he describes Wong Kar-Wai as “seeking to understand what draws women to shitty, emotionally unavailable men”; i mean imagine being so full of shit that you project your own sullen incel-y “UGH WHY DO GIRLS ONLY LIKE BLAHBLAHBLAHBLAH” garbage onto whatever revered works of art show up on your tv screen? this guy goes on to reveal himself in almost a strip tease fashion across many of his reviews, breaking up his pompous analyses with macho mindbenders like “i have often said that being horny is the point of life” and biographical information like about his manipulative alcoholic father. i’m not trying to say that everybody with a delinquent or dysfunctional parent is destined to have idiotic and serial killerish attitudes about intimacy, because that would condemn pretty much all of us. but, i am sadly familiar with solipsistic assholes who brandish their alleged intellectual superiority in one fist while beating the dust out of their childhood traumas with the other, and just seeing his smug letterboxd reviews tells me everything i need to know about him. hopefully he just followed me in a spammy way to get attention and will never interact, or maybe i’ll say something he finds politically disagreeable and he’ll go away.

honestly finding anybody worth following on letterboxd is kind of hard. it can be nice to read stuff by people who are just having fun and shooting straight about what they’re watching, but the site is filled with wannabe J Hobermans and Lester Bangses who are just out to prove that they own a thesaurus. they’re practically all dudes, you can smell the old spice and maker’s mark wafting out of your laptop fan when you read some of this chest-pounding nonsense. not all of them have such toxic things to say as the aforementioned douchebag, but there’s a real preponderance of users who seem to think they’re reinventing the language. the sad thing is when they really like MY writing. there’s this guy i follow who i think used to write fairly clearly, but now everything he posts looks like a burroughs cut-up with really avant garde ideas about punctuation and adjectives, and unfortunately, i think it’s on purpose. i’d unfollow him, but i feel like i can’t, because he is as nice as literally anyone has ever been about my writing. he goes so far as to give me a hard time about why i’m not a professional film critic, he’s like a ~fan~...and then i gotta ask myself, how much is my writing like HIS writing? this is where the difficulties of letterboxd start to feel worth while, in a masochistic kind of way. like, how often do i write in the same wanky bombastic fashion as these shitty little internet valedictorians who i hate so much? probably a lot! i don’t like feeling that way but i have to admit that i’m grateful for the opportunity to check myself, and possibly improve.

however good or bad i am, letterboxd is still a better place to write than tumblr. i mean tumblr is less than optimal for long form writing anyway, but it’s also a question of who the majority population is here. the other day i got a comment on a pretty old post i wrote about ANNIHILATION, a movie i found kind of smarmy and shallow. the commenter said that my points about the movie were good, BUT they would all be negated by the content of the novels on which the movie is based, and they wanted to know why i deliberately omitted this material from my analysis, as if this were a conspiracy to be unraveled. they actually asked me what the point of my post was, like what was my goal in writing only what i wrote and leaving all kinds of things out. basically. this person COULD NOT UNDERSTAND THE IDEA OF A MOVIE REVIEW. i answered them, because they had tried hard to be polite, that my movie review blog is just for movie reviews, in which i talk about what i think about movies i watch. i’m not pursuing everything related to certain intellectual properties, nor am i invested in the logic and content of Extended Universes of whatever individual movies i’m watching. i’m not mad at this person, who was asking an honest question, but i was completely dumbfounded by the question itself. i mean imagine being SO INVESTED in fandom as like a type of lifestyle that you don’t know what a movie review is anymore? like every piece of media is regarded as some sort of municipality, that belongs to a state, and is governed by certain people, and its characters are like Real People who are available for friendship, dating and more. no piece of media is just entertainment, or even an artistic statement anymore. for this person, watching a movie is something like studying civic infrastructure, except with more DIY alterations and more fetishizing of gay men. i keep trying to imagine reading three paragraphs about some middling hollywood movie that amounts to something like “i did not enjoy watching this film,” and just having no personal frame of reference AT ALL for what it means when somebody writes that down. like just not knowing what a movie review is at all, and asking the author to explain the meaning of the bizarre behavior of saying you thought some movie sucked.

why DOES anybody write about movies though? if i don’t find it normal or desirable to watch everything with an exclusive filter for who do you want to fuck and who do you want to see fucking each other, then what else am i getting at? surely i don’t see myself as a potential roger ebert or leonard maltin, especially considering the extremely limited number of celebrity film critics in the history of mankind. i’m also not Pro- the idea of sorting all movies according to some rigid standards of technical quality and deservingness, like anybody needs me to grade them after they’ve performed the nearly impossible-seeming task of even making one single movie to begin with. sometimes i stupidly start complaining about stupid responses to my writing that i get once in a while from the internet, and my shrink asks me, “what are you up to when you post this writing?” she always says i’m “up to something” when i seem to be following but willfully ignoring my subconscious drives, which i think is pretty funny. but i don’t think i’m pursuing feelings of superiority, over movies or other writers. i think i’m just trying to figure out what movies are trying to say about human existence--and they all are trying to say something, are motivated by some angst, even the really insulting ones that only offer up wish fulfillment pablum. i’m constantly trying and failing to figure out my own existence, and i must sense that attempting to decipher movies is one way of getting closer to decoding my own experiences.

and on that note, now i have to complain about the fact that Lyft’s driver rating system includes “fun conversation” as one of the four factors in giving someone five stars. i rarely want a stranger to try to force me to talk to them, especially at 4am when i’m headed to the airport under a miserable pile of luggage. even so, i recently got into a car in such a state, with a guy who was clearly going for that five star rating, babbling loudly and convulsively at me all the way to my terminal. it would be one thing if he were just trying to be nice, but he was giving me shit about everything from my pickup location to what i had done in his fair city for a week and a half. i did not immediately volunteer how many movies i had seen at the festival i attended, because i probably intuited that when he did make me tell him, he would inform me that he doesn’t need to watch movies, because “I WATCH *LIFE*, MAN!!!” the irony was that this guy clearly didn’t watch life at all; he didn’t even have the ability to discern that i didn’t want to talk, or that i didn’t want him to insult my favorite leisure activity, and that probably NOBODY wants to listen to him talk about his shitty generic blues rock band for half an hour before 5am. so that’s the one thing i can say for even the most obnoxious reviewer on letterboxd--that probably they are TRYING to hone the art of observation, a dying skill. probably they are TRYING to train themselves to be an active audience that engages thoughtfully with the movie instead of just hucking rotten tomatoes at the screen OR passively allowing it to wash over them. even if i often hate the results, at least some of these guys seem be making an effort.

[haljathefangirlcat]

still thinking about that “we Have To Talk about how quips are ruining fandom by destroying meta and turning all fic into shitposts” post @ms-demeanor wrote a great rebuttal to, and about the other posts she wrote about it and about the You’re Doing Fandom Wrong attitude in it, and about the notes on those posts. not gonna reblog or reply to any of those because my thoughts are admittedly kind of random and jumping from place to place and probably OT to the point of the discussion, but you know. still thinking.

so, uh. not trying to start wank or anything but enjoy the ranting that got way out of hand under the cut.

so, like... that one “we can’t just block everyone who quips and shitposts because some of these people also write actual meta but then they unfortunately go back to Not Engaging With Canon by writing quippy shitpost-y stuff” line, or however it was actually phrased? besides the blatant entitlement with the “you have to fandom ONLY in ways I like, I can’t just engage with the part of the content you create that I’m interested in and scroll past the rest” thing (which kinda reminds me of the whole “you can’t CNTW on some of your fics, I should be able to read ALL of your fics” thing, in a way) and the ”I refuse to curate my fandom experience and I’ll make it some stranger’s problem” thing (which... reminds me of a few other things, but tbf it has probably been around since the very first days of fandom), what if someone doesn’t even see meta and quips/shitposts as fundamentally different and mutually exclusive approaches to fandom? what if they see them as just two ways to be interested in a specific fandom and interact with it, and maybe even closely linked together, so going from one to another is actually very, very easy for them? hell, what if they (gasp!) even mix quips and meta together sometimes?

I have a few posts about what I think Baran bo Odar and Jantje Friese might have been doing with mythological references and themes in Dark, and about what I got from the series finale. some are meme-like, phrased in a joking tone, probably even shitpost-y? another one is literally just a gifset plus me having intense Feels in the tags, and the last one is an edit of the kind I’ve seen people complain about as “those cringey unoriginal tumblr aesthetics that all look the same” in at least a couple of occasions. does that automatically mean I only wanted to “win” at fandom (with my hard-earned prize being... a handful of notes in a fandom that’s not even that big compared to others) and that I haven’t actually spent probably way too much time thinking about the significance of Martha’s Ariadne play as a commentary on character interactions/plot/narrative themes (and honestly still do from time to time), or that I don’t occasionally read the captions under other people’s gifsets and suddenly feel very much enlightened about why the Ariadne play mentions the myth of the Flood of all things? that I didn’t start reading posts and comments and reviews and theories about the series finale as soon as I finished watching it? that, just because I didn’t write 10K+ words of Perfectly Serious Seriousness about all that stuff, I simply refused to Engage With The Text? 

... and if I said that I feel a little irrationally self-conscious at the idea of writing down all of my (often rambling, sometimes jumbled) thoughts about a series that to me actually does feel very deep and complex, so adding memes and humor to that or finding different means to put my ideas out there makes me feel more comfortable expressing myself while also taking off the (admittedly made-up) pressure of having to write a whole coherent essay where I have to find a clear and explicit way to explain where every single thought comes from and how it leads to the next like I’m gonna get graded on it? or that a lot of those thoughts stem from memories of spending five years of high school translating and analysing ancient Greek poetry and reading and watching and discussing every available interpretation and reinterpretation of it from Nietzsche to Vernant to Dürrenmatt to Christa Wolf to Pasolini to a lot of others and from certain things in Dark violently hurtling me back to those times without even asking for permission, so a part of my self-consciousness is actually “I probably don’t actually know/remember enough about this to base a whole in-depth analysis on it even though I do think there’s something there” and another part is “shit I’m too lazy to dig through all of my old textbooks and homework and additional readings to hunt for the thing I feel the desperate need to reference or figure out who might have said it, so no extended explanation here either”? I guess in the end it would all boil down to “there’s an amount of effort and physical and mental energy I’m willing to put into fandom but I also have limits to stop something that makes me feel happy from becoming a chore”, which. considering the whole “you have to put all your resources into constantly pouring out 100% serious meta and nothing else because that’s what I like, no deviations allowed” thing? yeah, I can see saying stuff like that would still make me a blight upon fandom. and/or Not Engaging.

which, I realize, it’s a thing I keep coming back to. but that’s because I really, really, really hate it? seriously, what even counts as Engaging With The Text correctly? not shitposts, and not quips either, apparently. Regardless of the fact that humor and crack have existed in fandom since forever and that it’s actually not uncommon AT ALL for them to be born out of looking at canon from different angles, pointing out whatever the fan in question finds surreal/strange/implausible/convoluted/awkward/just kinda funny about it. 

also, not canon divergence/what if fics motivated not by a desire to “fix” something that made us feel bad when it happened in canon but by a desire to actually fix what we felt was objectively a poor writing choice from the author, because we shouldn’t Engage by analysing the text to criticize it or to think over how and why certain aspects of it don’t work for us or how we think the structure of the text itself could be modified or even improved, we should Engage by... writing meta and/or writing canon-compliant fics with perhaps a little allowance for slightly-to-the-left-of-canon-compliant missing moments fics, I guess? 

from what I’ve gathered from reading other fandom discussion some time ago, AUs are also out, especially Modern/No Powers AUs, because those are always just an excuse to slap your fave’s name on your OC/disguise your original fiction as fanfic to get comments/ignore all that’s interesting about canon to write yet another dumb syrupy high school or coffee shop AU, even if I’m honestly not sure what kind of AUs people are even reading to never get to the “there’s no supernatural threat so let’s focus entirely on the fucked-up family dynamics and blatant mental issues in a world where you can’t just ignore them by marrying off your daughter or sending your son to be someone’s squire” AUs or the “this is pretty much what happens in canon but adding new dimensions and different outlooks on the themes by moving everything to a new context” AUs. seriously, I could rec you a pretty great “this guy would be a horrible father and treat his children horribly in any world, it’s not just the feudal society around him, it’s him as a person” AU and that’s literally just the first thing that came to my mind. but, hey, maybe Engaging is only engaging with the canon plot and setting and nothing else, what do I know.

... fuck, thinking about it, I’m not even sure if by “not shitpost and not quips” I should even mean humor/crack? because it’s not like the OP was clear about it in any way? maybe it’s just all that’s weird and tropey and not-canon-compliant? I can see the “everybody gathers in the main character’s stuff to smoke weed and weird shit happens” fic I got a chuckle out of some time ago being one of the dreaded tumblr-born shitpost fics that are supposedly ruining fandom by ensuring that fans stop thinking (?), but what about the “everything is the same but this one character is a catboy, not for any particular reason but just because” fic I’m currently following and loving? people have been joking and shitposting about catboys a lot on tumblr lately (I distinctly remember that the last catboy joke to pop up on my dash was the “I’m your catboy gf and I’m stuck in a wall” one...) and finding an always-a-catboy!AU initially got an amused smile out of me, so is the mere premise enough to make the fic just a joke/just taking a trope and running off with it/just part of a shallow trend? even when the author literally goes “oh shit just realized this is all a metaphor for neuodivergence and masking” in the story notes? unless writing a character who’s never explicitly stated to be neurodivergent in canon as a being literally or metaphorically neurodivergent in your fic is always shallow projecting or posturing issuefic... instead of, y’know, looking closely at the text and Engaging with it by interpreting it that way....

I feel all this ranting/venting might end up plunging into Why We Slash discussion territory now, so I better stop here.

anyway, in short, good to know I’ve been in fandom for years yet I’ve always been just a Fake Fan who Can’t Think and is constantly Doing It Wrong (by Not Being Transformative Enough, possibly). gonna do my best to stay exactly like that in the future <3

[kittensjonsa]

Some thoughts on season 7 plot leaks, general GOT, jonerys and Jonsa (Meta)

Hi, first of all I wanted to say thank you for your tumbrl. It’s always full of nice and positive quotes, articles and metas. I’m a sucker for ships, I guess I just like to see people happy. Jonsa has quickly become one of my favorite ships. I don’t have a tumbrl or any real platform to express my opinions about it but if you allow me I would like to share some of my thoughts with fellow shippers. 

Well, first I have to say I didn’t watch GOT since the beginning, actually I started watching after season 6 was out. My first introduction to the show was a clip of jonsa, I thought it was the clip of a couple and then I read they were siblings (this was confusing and disturbing…. until the pilot, I’m talking to you J/C). If you want to keep watching GOT you have to get over incest issues or…. family sexual intercourse, so I got over it. Then I watched the whole show, I haven’t read the books cause I don’t want to confuse myself with information that has not been revealed in the show yet or may never be.

I was surprised to see how many people hate Sansa in the fandom, I find her character and story arc very interesting. I love her story, and I love Arya’s, and Bran’s, and Jon’s. Why is people comparing them? Why is people pitting them against each other? Specially the 2 sisters. One is not better than the other, they both make mistakes, very stupid mistakes but they also survive in their own right. Arya is not strong because she knows how to fight (physically), she is strong because of who she is. Fighting is an skill, just like playing an instrument, sewing, drawing or being good with numbers. I’m a terrible athlete and I can only do maths for daily use but that doesn’t make me weak, stupid or less awesome. I have other abilities and those are my strengths. You are strong when you know what are you good at, that’s how you play your part in a larger picture, that’s how you fight. Sansa has her witty, her courtesy and her words, she is fighting from inside (by the way she has no blame on what happened to Ned, she is responsable for getting herself stuck in Kings Landing which she fully knows and understand)

Then I saw a very vocal group of people shipping jonerys and after 6 seasons I have to say…. I still don’t see it. Yes, I see the parallels but there are so many parallels with so many other characters. I do believe a meeting between these 2 characters is inevitable and needed for the story to progress. But this is not a romantic love story between the 2 heroes. This is a story about power. D&D said it 6 years ago when they started the series. This is a story about people who wants power ( Littlefinger, the Tyrell’s, The Frey’s, Daneyris and so on), the ones who have power and want to keep it (the Lannisters) and the ones stuck in the middle (the Starks and the realm).It’s about what power do to people, all that they loose in the process and the pain it causes them. It’s very well explained in the first season.

What I love about GOT is that everybody can be the hero or the villain, it all depends of the lent with which you see it. You are a hero if you play for your family and a villain if you play against them. Honor is not that simple either. Why is an oath-breaker less honorable for saving millions of lives? why is an oath-breaker better for following his heart? Do you ever really win? There’s no absolutes in this world. 

I know this is long but I have a lot to say, bare with me please. Which leads me to the leaks and promo pics. There’s been endless discussions about them, I’ve heard all kind of opinions, pro and anti. That’s why I write about them now. The leaks came very early on and with them set pics that corroborate most of them. Jonsa shippers where pissed off and disappointed. I know I was but mostly cause those weren’t little hints or clues of what’s to come but entire plot lines and episode scrips. But here are the good news. Plot lines don’t give us real context or understanding of how the characters are feeling about their situations.

- Littlefinger is plotting and pitting Sansa and Arya against each other ( doesn’t tell us if this is working, it’s setting a dramatic conflict. Guess what? This is a drama)

- Jonsa is having arguments and they are separated the whole season (doesn’t said in which terms, we haven’t seen any dialogues there)

- Jonerys is having sex (according to the leaks they meet in the second episode, get separated at the third and reunited and have sex in the seventh. It took Jon and Igrytte 10 episodes with no separations to finally get in bed together…. and they were in love) And since the structure of the show gives us an average of 10 minutes per character each episode, sometimes even less. How are they gonna develop a real relationship there?

Lots of characters haven’t been mentioned in the leaks either. I doubt they don’t have story arcs this year. Also most of the leaks were predictable and very plausibles. Jon meeting Theon and being super angry at him (we all saw that coming). Jonerys meeting (at this point of the story it’s necessary). Arya and Bran coming home, also very necessary. Sansa is taking care of littlefinger…super necessary. Euron is siding with Cercei, yeap, very predictable. All the signs are in the last season.

JONSA  AND JONERYS THOUGHTS

I’m a jonsa shipper. I’m a shipper but I love good stories more. When one of my ships don’t work on a narrative level I understand. What frustrates me is when writers try to fit a ship  as fan service. Now, I’m not a Danerys fan. The only moments I get to enjoy her story is when she learns something and show some humility. Unfortunately this is not very often. I love Tyrion and Jorah. Her best moments so far has been with them cause they are actually smarter than her and humble. Danerys has been since season 2 very entitle, very proud, she even crowned herself (until you get to Westeros and you are appointed you don’t have a real crown, otherwise everybody can be crowned). Saying you are king or queen doesn’t make you either of them as the show has proven so far. Dario said last season she wasn’t born to sit in a palace and give orders, she is a conqueror (very different from being a ruler). She lacks humility which Jon has in spades.                             Her story has been very separated from all the important ones and that’s everybody complain, mine too. That’s why excite me she is finally making it to Westeros, her story will actually matter. It can be argue that Jon story has been separated from everybody too but he is a Stark (ok, %50 Stark) but a Stark nevertheless and all that happened in Kings landing and the North affects him for that reason. I love Jon, he is my guy.

Putting aside my feelings for Danerys, having J/D falling in love doesn’t do any real service to the story, at least not from my point of view. They would be a terrible couple. She is power hungry, wants the Iron throne more than anything and will do anything for it. Jon wants to serve the people, fight for their lifes. Danerys wants a king just in title, she wants to rule alone. Jon doesn’t want power but he knows he wasn’t born to be a submissive husband either. They would be fighting to be on top all the time. Two people on the top at the same time is physical and mentally imposible. As I said before the plot leaks don’t give too much room for a romance development there, everybody is busy doing their thing, but we won’t know until we see. If what the show is trying to do is a political alliance by marriage then why jonerys would have sex first and soo quickly? It can only go downhill from there ( that’s actually good news for jonsa shippers). Also Jon parentage revelation will be huge. It will change everything for whoever makes it into the final season. That’s what excite me the most. If jonerys hook up I really hope it serves the story somehow and not be just fan service.

I needed to get through jonerys first so I could explain why jonsa makes more sense narratively speaking. Sansa and Jon started being so idealist and they had a hard awaken to the world. They endured so much to be who they are right now, they were the last people they expected to rely on at the end, and that makes it even better for me. While everybody was hyped for a reunion between Jon and Arya (that would be awesome) I found jonsa more suitable.Two characters we have never seen interacting with each other but with previous history. Both really free for the first time, both damaged, both carrying their scars and still feeling the pain. Jon needed purpose and Sansa had a big one. All their scenes together were a delight to watch, from their first meeting, through the fights and the “we have to trust each other” moment. That’s how you develop a relationship. No sex there, no making out session, that last one was a real intimated moment. Aside from my enjoyment of Kit Harington and Sophie Turner on screen chemistry and the way their scenes were edited and directed, jonsa works narratively as an end game. Jon could die at the end, that’s a real possibility, I know. But damn, Jonsa getting married at the end for political reasons, for duty, to keep the North and the realm together is far more satisfying. Cat said this to Robb once, what Ned and she had grew stronger and lasted longer than passion. I’m team Stark all the way, that’s the family we spend more time with, we are rooting for them, for Ned’s family. 

Me:

A lovely meta was sent by a nonny and just had to share it for the Jonsa perspective.

Oh yes my kink is seeing ppl happy and enjoying themselves and letting them ship whoever or whatever they want because honestly if my tumblr could be anything, it’ll be for anyone to have a good time, a good laugh and just see that there’s always a silver lining no matter what. Life is hard and can’t let that get to you. If any of my silly posts made you smile then my work is done 😊 Oh and sorry for the bad jokes/puns lol. Also, for this less than eloquent reply.

And I ship JonSa like it’s the air I breathe lol I have been since the books (low key) - their POVs and values are so similar like how a couple should be.

So imagine me when S6 came, I pounced on it with everything I had in me, that ship gives me life!! And so I am glad to have found a fantastic fandom right here on tumblr and Jonsa shippers are just the best! (really they are!)

Thank you for the mail Nonny!! Bless you and hope you’re having a great day wherever you are!! And yes, Jonsa for life babyyy!! 😘

[thelightofthingshopedfor]

WIP meme

Tagged by @inochell, thanks!

Do This: List all the things you’re currently working on in as much or as little detail as you’d like, then tag some friends to see what they’re working on. This can be writing, art, gifsets, whatever.

I think everybody’s heard me complaining about various projects but here’s the rundown again if anyone, uh, isn’t already tired of me complaining about them...? But here’s a little more detail.

Painting/customizing:

~secret project~ that I kind of need to finish tomorrow

Etsy commission: Jefferson from Once Upon a Time. Still need to finish painting the body (Sherlock), probably cut more off the hat, figure out how to make the hat fit on Sherlock’s head, go back with my rotary tool and carve off the top of Sherlock’s head if necessary, paint the hat, and put everything together

more Pride Cap necklaces (asexual for @erlkonigstochter, agender for @lukeskywalkersbutt, and then I’d probably be smart if I painted at least one more each of ace and LGBT+ rainbow)

Etsy commission, two for the same person: Dayna Mellanby from the show Blake’s 7 (Hiller head, April O’Neil body; need to repaint eyelashes again and hope I get it right this time and do...all the repainting for the body) and a WWI soldier (Jay Garrick head because he’s literally the only Funko figure with the right helmet, War Doctor body, various bits from my stash)

Batwoman Funko (repainted Impopster Harley Quinn) to list on Etsy, probably under the same “most of the profits go to an LGBT+ charity” thing

Fic (there’s more in my WIP list but I guess these are the active ones):

the kindness of strangers still needs a final chapter where Loki and Gamora meet up again, and a lot of it’s already written but I need to like, stitch everything together...and I also probably need to rewrite some of the scene I wrote with Yondu, because I really disliked him after the first movie and wrote the scene accordingly but then Vol. 2 made me like him more and I’m grumpy about it (for real though, GotG2 did so many things with characterization that still weren’t necessarily enough but should have happened in, you know, the movie that introduced us to these characters so we’d care about them)

the rest of my 2016 Yuletide fic, with Alice and Hatter visiting Wonderland again mostly so I can fill in the plot/worldbuilding holes that bugged me

Hydra Cap Garbage 2: The Garbaging (the original fic didn’t involve Loki because it was just a one-off with Steve and the rest of the team, but stuff happened and I decided to do an actual sequel that includes me trying to be concise for once about how Loki is kind of an honorary Avenger now for backstory reasons, so basically in this it’s been about a year since the rumor started, Steve is upset and Loki doesn’t want Steve to be upset, so he decides he’s going to scare off some neo-Nazi punks, and there is...probably not that much left to write? but I don’t know when I’ll actually finish it because DEADLINES. for obvious reasons it would be ideal if I could finish this before Secret Empire bullshit is finally done so I suppose I should really look up when that is, as much as I’d rather pretend the whole thing just isn’t happening)

MCU AU Fest fic I can’t talk about in detail because anonymous exchange but uh, I’m sure you’ve all seen me tooth-gnashing and garment-rending over this

sequel to in a better time you could be my friend, where Clint remembers everything just in time to learn that Loki died on Svartalfheim…and then, helping out with the post-TDW cleanup, finds an only mostly dead Loki in an abandoned building near the Thames. also no idea when this might be posted because I haven’t written a lot yet and, you know, DEADLINES.

Avengers Academy: Friendship Is Magic: Loki is simultaneously too prideful and too insecure to be a good co-conspirator, but that doesn’t mean Amora can’t find a use for him–as long as she can make sure he’s on her side. Unfortunately for her, the non-evil students may have already beaten her to it. I’ve been working on this on and off for...I don’t know, a long time, because I hadn’t even finished all the main story content when I started writing it and I think we’d only had one or two events. I’m going to use this for WIP Big Bang because it’s been “almost done” for months and I need to finish the damn thing while there’s still a relevant fandom to read it, although now that I’ve already written most of it I’m not totally sure if I want Amora to be as nasty as I’ve written her, ha ha whoops. also I don’t quite know how to end it.

a short post-CW fic where Tony and Vision talk about Wanda while boxing up some of her stuff for safekeeping, mostly because I want an excuse to make Tony remember she’s a person, not a walking time bomb or whatever

other ficlets that I meant to crank out in one or two sittings but didn’t, like the one where Loki accidentally ends up with a dog, and anyway I need to go fall asleep now   

Tagging, um... @veliseraptor, @jaggedcliffs, @theotherodinson, @not-poignant, and @castillon02, if any of you feel like it. also anyone else who sees this and wants to do it.

[the-cryptographer]

miranova23 (@kaiba-fangirl​​) replied to your photo:

Hey no prob! On mobile rn (& should be doing hw <.<) but as far as the ~controversial~ ships, I know they can still be aged-up or the ship name used for just any other kind of relationSHIP. Heck, most of the characters are canonically underage, and there's even the reveal of Seth & Atemu being cousins, buuut it's Ancient Egypt, & does that mean their reincarnated spirits count as cousins??? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ btw finally wrote out a long-time-coming brothershipping post. we seem to be on the same page though 👍 As far as ettushipping i don't really have anything else rn i guess... but I'll keep u in mind =)

It took me a minute to realise you were referring to locketshipping aka tabloidshipping aka incesty Mokuba/Seto. For some reason, probably just wishful thinking, I thought at first maybe you meant battleshipping (Jou/Seto/Yuugi) or buddyshipping (Honda/Jou)...

I made the statements I did without really contextualising them within the context of the ygo fandom. It didn’t occur to me you were referring to a distaste for the fandom presence of certain ships or the way they’re presented. So... sorry I got kind of weird on you in the tags.

below the cut is tl;dr about controversial stuff and incest and sibling abuse

re: tags. I know people in fandom use the term ‘pedophilia’ as a catch all for... whatever they view as having the potential of including child sexual abuse. I personally think maintaining the distinction between pedophilic and ephebophilic attraction patterns (which people may or may not act on), and acts of child sexual abuse (for which attraction may or may not be a factor) is important. But really I knew what you meant when you said what you said, so I realised I was being pretty nitpicky. But also, even more generally, I think people should be free to write about controversial and potentially disturbing topics, so long as they realise what they’re doing and include proper tags/warning.

re: scandalship. Usually when I’m talking about incest ships I’m not talking about cousins. Not that cousin incest isn’t technically incest, but it’s allowed in most of the world today including some US states. And it doesn’t have the same kind of relational baggage as parent or sibling incest. The bigger part of what makes things incest in my mind is the person having been closely involved in the other person’s formative childhood development in capacity as a parent or sibling, and it almost without exception coincides with abuse. Malik/Rishid is an incest ship in my mind because Rishid was undoubtedly a brother to Malik during his upbringing. (Isis/Rishid is harder for me to make a call on because we see less of their relationship. It’s not clear whether they were raised together in an intimate proximity, or whether they really relate as siblings. So, depending on what headcanons you’re working with, I think both incestuous and non-incestuous interpretations of a romantic relationship between them could be valid.)

But, in terms of what you were talking about in your post here - I haven’t run into a lot of Mokuba/Seto personally - not enough to view it as some sort of fandom problem. But admittedly I haven’t gone looking for fics specifically featuring the two of them, so maybe that’s why. I know I’ve seen someone else also complain about the abundance of Mokuba/Seto in the search for gen fic, and I also had a similar experience pretty recently, so presumably it is a common fandom experience. I was searching through doujinshi on pixiv and opened something that I assumed to be Kaibros gen but was not. I had actually long since thought the internet has massively desensitised me to everything, but I actually shuddered irl. This isn’t to condemn the artist - admittedly I think everybody should label/tag things like that but I assume they did and I was the one that went around clicking links without taking the time to read the Japanese. But from a perspective of what I found disturbing was the kind of ease that you described in your post - that kind of moves between something I’d consider part of a very close and caring and acceptable sibling relationship, to something unacceptable that immediately undermines the validity of Seto and Mokuba hugging or sharing a bed in a nonsexual context, but also tries to capatalise on and continue off of the ‘cute’ vibes set up by what could have once been reasonably interpreted as a platonically intimate gesture, instead of a symptom of abuse.

(Yeah, for the record, I don’t think it’s abnormal for siblings to be physically affectionate to a degree. A lot of siblings aren’t as close as you and your brother, even siblings with more or less amiable relationships, but I agree it’s odd and unfair to assume that you guys can’t or shouldn’t be platonically affectionate. Otoh, though, I feel like it’s not always easy to spot a family resemblance, so I get how people may be confused. And also just wanna throw out there that sibling sexual abuse is more common than anybody wants to admit, and there’s a critical lack of attention towards the issue compared to rarer types of child sexual abuse, so it’s unfortunately possible that people are projecting their own unhealthy histories and dynamics onto you.)

But, hmm, there was another case I had where I ran into (appropriately warned for) Mokuba/Seto that I think handled the topic pretty delicately. It was about a Seto that had a plethora of sexual desires (including feelings for Mokuba) that he felt unequipped to find an outlet for - partly because of the ferocity with which he isolates himself and pushes away human contact. It was an unsettling story - but what made it palatable for me was the way both the narrative and Seto himself were keenly aware of how inappropriate acting on such desires would be. Seto’s guilt-ridden, convinced of his own monstrosity, and desperate to escape to VR (or wherever he can go to not deal with anything even remotely like an emotion). Seto immediately understands this attraction poses a threat and threatens to topple every way in which he’s tried to protect Mokuba. And Mokuba’s increasingly worried for his brother, and too naive to really understand exactly what the big deal is - even when Seto crosses the line and kisses him (and immediately pushes Mokuba away and runs off and curls up into a ball of self-loathing). And, when VR proves to be an insufficient method of escaping his own humanity, Mokuba finally convinces Seto to reach out to Yuugi, and Seto agrees because - even thought the last thing he wants to do is reach out to anyone - he cares more about remaining a good brother to Mokuba than maintaining the comfort of his own emotional isolation. So it becomes a reassertion of how much Seto values Mokuba as a brother and puts him first, rather than an expression of sexual violence.

I’m not saying this story is something for everyone (it’s not. it made me uncomfortable at times. and the solace that it was meant to make me uncomfortable was enough to soothe me, but I realise that’s not enough for everyone.) It also doesn’t blend with my personal headcanons, tbh, and it’s not something I would be interested in writing about with regards to Seto and Mokuba. But as a reader and letting the author take the reins, I enjoyed the fic, and I see the merit in it exploring the concepts it did. Far more than I see the merit in exploring Seto and Mokuba in the context of ‘aw, cute they’re hugging. now they’re kissing. uwu’ But, idk, I’m also not the arbitrator of what fiction has merit or isn’t too irredeemably creepy for anyone other than myself.

idk, like I said, I haven’t run into much Mokuba/Seto during my (mostly relatively recent) run of the fandom. Maybe it’s a bigger issue than I envisioned. And, well, I can’t stop people from creating fanart of Kaiba and Mokuba cuddling with whatever understanding they have of the circumstances behind the scene. But- yeah. I don’t support locket-/tabloid-/brother- shipping them in that manner. I’ve heard a lot of people just say ‘Kaibros’ to refer to Seto & Mokuba as a unit. But I don’t know if there’s a consensus on what people use as a tag for gen Seto & Mokuba things *shrugs*

(And, um, just more generally regarding the Kaiba brothers - I think they can be pretty unhealthily codependent, but no more than I’d expect two brothers having been through foster care and alone against the world to be. I don’t mean to undermine how important and loving and their relationship with one another has been, and how much it has been a saving grace for them.)

Anyhow, sorry for this upsetting tl;dr but- Thank you again! And, lol, yes! Keep me in mind for all things ettushipping related! And polarship and pupship and rivalship and battleship and 5000 other things tbh, lol.