#this has been a while in the askbox im sorry

[dirhwangdaseul-archived]

Can you give some book suggestions?

ive been wrestling this question for a while and also my mutuals posts about recs lol cause mostly im just re-reading old stuff but also uh in general books from universal literature classes and like trying to complement them inbetween with more mexican stuff so idk im gonna give you what's on my bag and the latest shit in my epubs/pdf it's a mixed bag:

sophocles' seven tragedies

what we owe to each other by tm scanlon

the lathe of heaven by ursula k le guin

teatro indígena prehispánico de la unam

la noche en que que frankenstein leyó el quijote de santiago posteguillo

los de abajo de mariano azuela

on sundays she picked flowers by yah yah scholfield

artistotle's poetics

ars poetica by horace

the iliad a new translation by caroline alexander

the hobbit jrr tolkien

popol vuh

apuntes de métrica de gabriel castillo

plato's symposium

romeo and juliet by william shakespeare

angels in america: a gay fantasia on national themes by tony kushner

medea de eurípides

a streetcar named desire by tennesse williams

a midsummer's night's dream by shakespeare

man im about to just start listing plays lmfao anyway

bodas de sangre by federico garcía lorca

faust by goethe

much ado about nothing by guess who

hamlet and same

and macbeth and same

safo's poetry

antología de letras, dramaturgia, guion cinematográfico y lenguas indígenas por los jóvenes creadores del fonca generación 2018—2019 (they do these a lot like it's insane how much cultural centers try to reach out to the communities around them but it's unsung and silent for the most part)

who's afraid of virginia woolf by edward albee

ofc cien años de soledad by gabriel garcía márquez is here lmfao

moonlight by barry jenkins cause im using that for a homework probably to add some variety to the things they consider to be fed by literature or just straight up are part of it

im just in teacher mode most of the time lol as if any teacher i know isnt......

i really am not a good source of things

[dankmaths]

I'm like 90% sure if I don't get more of your ghost au I may just implode so like 🥺👉👈

not necessarily my AU but i ended up drawing smth based on a scene from @novethegreat's fic, "In Love With A Ghost". ooohhhh you wanna read it so bad ooooohh

+more google doc delusions ive had in my head for a long time and havent been possessed to draw under the cut please work god please

i like to think once yosuke gets over the whole undead roommate thing he starts to feel bad for leaving yu at home all day. (like a pet dog.....) so at some point he invites chie and yukiko over. maybe it’s a study session. but at first yukiko can’t make it so it’s just chie. yosuke tells yu to stay put in the room since chie is scared of ghosts (just like yosuke she’ll never admit it though lol). chie says that she and yukiko have been working on a new recipe and offers to cook which yosuke shoots down Very quickly, offering to cook himself, since a "friend" of his has been teaching him-- he very conveniently leaves out the whole undead roommate thing. but when he’s preparing the food he accidentally cuts his finger. yu forgets what he’s told and rushes through the walls into the kitchen scaring chie on accident.

yosuke: OW shit

yu: (phasing through the wall) yosuke! are you ok?

chie: yosuke! are youuuuuuUUUUAAAAAAAGGGGGHHHHHHHHH

yukiko, the occult lover, is unable to see/hear ghosts… but when she hears abt "OHHH HANAMURAS APT IS HAUNTED ITS SO SCARY ITS AWFUL!!! i mean the ghost didnt kill me or anything he was actually pretty polite but its AWFUL!!!!!!" from chie, she gets sooo excited and begs yosuke to invite her over (for the ghost obviously not for yosuke. which is a bit of a blow to his ego LOL). and she comes in with a ouija board so she can talk to yu

yukiko: so. where is it?

yosuke: his name is yu. damn, not even a hello.

yukiko: well, where is he?

yosuke: …right over there.

yu tries to play along bc he thinks its fun, to yosukes exasperation. however he has trouble staying solid for very long so it takes foreverrrrr. but basically i think yu and yukiko writing each other notes to communicate like point blank pen pals would be cute… also when the others are around who can hear yu, playing telephone with what he says to yukiko and fucking it up (on accident OR on purpose) would be rly funny

[trentcrimminallybeautiful]

your superhero AU has broken my heart 💔💔💔 protective Ted is so important to me

thank you!! ive been enjoying playing with it. and yeah!! like. i just. protective, pining ted and trent's like i am NOT a damsel!! (<- in this instance, is, in fact, a damsel. he will make an exception for one (1) person)

and like more seriously just. the trust it's about the trust!!! trent doesn't rely on anyone and he gets himself out of bad situations and he's lowkey terrified of this hero who's got him cornered and he's been in this horrible situation for so long but then it's ted and he immediately relaxes. and ted--you know ted realized they had trent and immediately panicked and was ready to just bust in there and it was only beard holding him back and making him be practical about it that didnt have him just bursting through the walls ten minutes after realizing. and him realizing trent trusts him.... holding him and being like oh. i can protect him this way and i can comfort him this way and it's working... augh

anyway im glad you like it 😩

[princekirijo]

Man I've been so sleepy

[jiminrings]

four seven eight, phase 3 (1)

pairing: jungkook x reader

wordcount: 9k

glimpse: jungkook's secure when it comes to being a husband and a dad, knowing that he grew to love being both after everything you've been through. what he isn't so secure about is the possibility that it's everything he'll ever be.

alternatively, jungkook pursues his dream of making a film, even if it means making your rival his main lead behind your back.

[ part one, intermission, part two, intermission 02, finale — complete series masterlist, from phase 1 to 3 ]

[ the return of 478jk (derogatory), major angst, fluff, the weight of devotion except jk's mean this time, flashbacks to phase 1 (im so sorry), the both of them r in an identity crisis, The Return of yoongi, yearning and the ache of unfulfillment all over, eventual redemption ]

notes: FINALLYYYYYY after a long wait, phase three is finally here :-) the og era of 478 is a time i'll truly never forget so now that i'm putting them in Several Inconveniences again, i look forward to creating another era with u citizens!!! mwah thank u love yew

as always, lmk what you think <3 send in feedback n love to my askbox anytime!!

Jungkook likes to be needed.

He likes to be needed fully, sometimes even all at once to the point that every mention of his name makes him think that his assistance is needed. He wants to be needed like the way you rummage through your old film canisters that you dumped in a large drawer just to retrieve a specific picture of him; needed like the way you sigh in relief when you find said roll.

Jungkook wants you to seek him in a crowd, past all the banners of your name from your fans and lanyards of your staff, and ask specifically him for a cold water bottle he keeps in his bag for you. As a matter of fact, he wouldn’t even mind if you ask it from him indiscreetly — he wants to be needed, even if neither of you are alone with each other.

He’s used to the feeling of being needed because it’s practically routine for him. The way Jungkook loves you has changed and evolved (needlessly to say for the better) through the years, and although he tries to look for the balance in it all, there’s a tiny, tiny part of him that wonders what would’ve happened if neither of you changed.

It’s perhaps the change in seasons, or maybe it’s the build-up of the stupid little things Jungkook’s seen recently; one of those things happen to be a ridiculously long thread by your fan, who happens to also be a fan of Yoongi, assuming that your marriage with J*ngkook (that’s exactly how they typed his name out) is ending, hence your recent collaboration on a brand deal. Jungkook, of course, has half the mind to go on his secret stan account and snark at said poster before reporting, but even then, there’s an itch in his mind that he can’t scratch.

Whatever weather it is outside nowadays or whichever stupid little thing pisses him off online, Jungkook can’t shake off the nagging question of what if in his mind.

When Jungkook cleans your water bottle every night for you to take to set the next day, he wonders if the two of you would still be together if only he didn’t rush to your place by the exact second your month-long break ended, right when he takes off the rubber from the cap to clean the ridges thoroughly.

When he blowdries your hair (even if you tell him not to bother) after you begrudgingly take a shower because you can’t sleep in bed after going outside and not washing up the second you come home, he wonders if you would’ve kept loving him even if the very incident with Sora didn’t push him to change, right when he sees you close your eyes while his hands scratch your scalp.

When Jungkook sounds out syllables to Hwayoung and tries his very best not to baby-talk her (he can’t help it sometimes) as he recounts his day to the toddler, he wonders if you would’ve even had a daughter with him if he stayed the same silent lover that he used to be, right when she parrots your name back to him with a smile.

“Young-ie’s probably starting to need me less and less,” he sighs to you with a pout, eyebrows knitted in concern as he gives you his rookie version of a blowout he’s still trying to perfect. Jungkook can’t flick his wrist the way professional hairstylists do, just in the same way you can’t pick up why he’s brought up the thought out of nowhere.

“How could you say that? She’s the biggest daddy’s girl ever,” you chuckle, placating him with the truth despite your initial confusion. If you weren’t fully awake awhile ago, you certainly are now — mostly because Jungkook springs up an unbelievable idea, and partly because whenever he tugs the brush at your hair, your whole head comes along with it.

“Not really. More like biggest mommy’s girl, you mean,” he defensively scoffs, apologizing quickly when he hears you wince at a particular experimental tug he does on your ends.

“Should we wake her up right now and let her decide?” you murmur, your eyes locking with his on the mirror.

Jungkook, at his most comfortable state, wearing ratty oversized pajamas and glasses on his face that he’s yet to update the prescription on, has never felt more competitive in his life.

“Well we could-…”

“I was joking,” you deadpan, the silence between the two of you getting long enough to the point that you suddenly find yourself laughing, effectively getting Jungkook out of his daze.

“… I knew that.”

You may have had an inkling about Jungkook feeling slightly off before in the past weeks, but all it took was his random, unprompted question tonight for you to solidify that seed of concern in your chest.

Jungkook likes to be needed, even if he can’t say the same that you need him as much as he thinks you do. He thinks it’s a perfectly rational feeling to want to be needed by both your wife and your daughter, and although he’s not as receptive to being needed as much by anyone other than his family, the feeling still stays the same.

He has all the time in the world. You’ve enabled him to do so even if he’s the one mainly looking after Hwayoung while you worked, but despite that, Jungkook doesn’t feel needed enough.

There’s an itch in his mind that he can’t scratch with neither your constant affection nor Hwayoung’s grabby hands. There’s an unplaceable, agitating urge in Jungkook’s chest to put a pause on everything and be back to who and what he used to be, despite your affirmation that he is needed.

There’s that tick going on in Jungkook’s brain that amplifies everything he does to seem wrong; that makes him grumpy when he wakes up to prepare you breakfast whenever you had early shoots, that makes him purse his lips when his daughter asks him to watch the same movie with her for the third time in the week.

All of the uneasiness in him, however, disappears when Namjoon, the acclaimed screenwriter that he has for a friend (whom he actually met through you), calls him up with an offer that Jungkook can’t refuse.

It’s an offer that releases the ache from his bones, makes him want to blowdry your hair better, and watch the same movie over and over again with his daughter — but Jungkook postpones saying it to you when you come home and want nothing more than to be in his arms, and for Hwayoung to be in yours.

( ♡ )

Jungkook could wait more.

He convinces himself that he can because although there’s a date set for the short film that Namjoon’s pitched for him to produce, it hasn’t grown yet to become the unstoppable force against Jungkook’s immovable object: family.

He knows he needs to tell you eventually and that he’s not really asking for permission in the first place, but there’s a sense of guilt in him whenever the thought of breaking the news to you comes into mind. He’s not nervous per se because he knows you’re as supportive of him, if not more, like he is with you.

It just happens that it’s within the fine details that Jungkook truly feels hesitant to tell you that he has to leave for awhile.

Jungkook could wait more, and although that means he has to deal with the occasional voice in his head telling him that lying to you (even under the guise of protecting you) has the capacity to bite back at him, he manages. He swallows down the words whenever you unintentionally give him an opening to tell you about the news of him going abroad, and just settles for holding your hand.

He could wait more because telling you now wouldn’t be the right time, now when you’re on your day-off as you’re close to wrapping up your current project before moving to the bigger, more exhausting one; not now when you have a time of reprieve to spend with your family before taking on the biggest project of your career to date.

Jungkook hums to himself as he looks down on Hwayoung who has a tiny shopping cart to herself, her strikingly round eyes that she got from him (Hwayoung looks more like him the older she gets) looking up to his own.

“Hi, pretty girl,” he lulls, mumbling loudly enough for only her to hear. “You’d understand if appa left for awhile, right?”

“Left?” she questions, holding up her left hand at the mention yet she reels at his query, brows furrowing as she seems to digest the question. “Why?”

“Yup. That’s your left. Good job, baby,” Jungkook praises, the knot in his throat growing when he looks to his daughter who looks confused at the sudden query, again, that came out of nowhere. “You would, won’t you?”

Hwayoung hums because she doesn’t quite understand, but that’s the thing that Jungkook fears most — she’s young and smart and although he wants to use those facts to his advantage, he realizes that Hwayoung being the age that she is in now could also prove him to be dispensable.

Jungkook likes being needed, but he’s much too afraid of the possibility that Hwayoung won’t even recall him as soon as he leaves.

Your husband’s snapped out of his reverie when you go downstairs with a skip in your step, the tell-tale mischievous tone to your voice already predicting that Hwayoung would make the two of you chase after her in the backyard all day. “What are the two of you plotting again?” you ask playfully, hands on your hips as Jungkook chuckles at the sight of his two girls.

“Nothing!” Hwayoung giggles, the word slipping out of her seamlessly as she even shakes her hands fervently, accustomed to what you mean exactly with your tone of voice. She’s young and bright and you see so much of Jungkook in her, even if Jungkook would argue otherwise.

Jungkook’s dazed this morning with the way his gaze locks in from far away, his bottom lip bit between his teeth more often than not as if he’s always at war with himself.

“You okay, Kook?”

“Mhmm. Couldn’t be better,” he hums half-heartedly, his lips grazing your temple as he guides you to sit down on the carpet with him. “You finally slept for more than eight hours. That’s good,” he says as an afterthought, the pauses in between his words growing in distance as his gaze is fixated on everything but you.

Jungkook looks at your daughter who’s now pushing Miso around the house in her shopping cart, and while your cat (who’s always seemed to hate your husband) looks more than pleased at being played with, she meows to Jungkook and only at him with a hiss at the end of her spiel as if in warning — as if Jungkook is guilty of something that only the two of them know about.

Almost as if out of everyone in the room, it’s only your cat who knows that Jungkook’s lying.

Jungkook can wait, but he’s certain that he can’t wait any longer because if his brain is unoccupied for long enough, he’ll start to hear Miso cursing at him through her yowls.

“Hwayoung doesn’t look like she needs you any less,” you say gently, your line of sight following Jungkook’s as he tenses at your words.

“Oh,” he sighs, jaw grinding down to a halt. “Right."

Your words seemingly came out of nowhere, even if the both of you know deep down that they’re influenced by his impulsive thoughts from last week.

“You can say the same for me,” you add, not as an afterthought, but as a lesser-known fact that Jungkook seems to forget every now and then.

There’s a weight in his chest because all of a sudden, Jungkook can’t wait anymore. The itch in his mind has already been scratched too much that it had already bled and scabbed.

There’s a weight in his chest that reminds him he can’t wait anymore, because in hindsight, the weight of him and everything that comes with him settles on his shoulders.

Maybe, Jungkook doesn’t want to be needed as much.

( ♡ )

Jungkook drops the news on you while you’re folding laundry.

He was meant to go for sincere but the way the words leave him, right when you’re in the middle of folding Hwayoung’s pajamas that she’s about to overgrow in the soonest, it sounds as if he’s been dying to tell you; now that he has, he sounds beyond relieved.

“Namjoon offered me a script,” he announces, taking the pajamas from you to put in his pile as he sees your eyes widen, the remnants of the heavy mascara they used on you on set awhile ago highlighting your surprise. “He wants me to produce.”

“What?” you punctuate, tilting your head as you try to make sense of what Jungkook’s saying. You know he’s speaking and you’re familiar with said words; you just never expected for them to be compacted in the same sentence, meaning the way that he makes it out to be. “Kim Namjoon, as in the producer for In Terms of Eternity?”

He chirps at that, posture straightening as he tries to jog your memory. “Yeah. You’ve worked with him before and introduced us, then turns out Jin’s also a friend of his and-…"

“I mean I know Namjoon and that you’re friends with him, Jungkook,” you interrupt, trying to reel yourself in as you’ve lost your focus trying to fold Hwayoung’s clothes and talk to your husband at the same time. “But I didn’t know you were that close for him to ask you to produce something for him.”

Jungkook doesn’t completely crash from the high he’s in over finally telling you the news, but there’s that spike that flashes briefly over his face, the frown on his lips letting on more than he shows.

“What’s that supposed to mean?"

You sigh at the impossible position the both of you are in, the words that try to line themselves up in your temple being no match to the way they translate out-loud. “It means nothing. I’m just… surprised that he’d ask you to be a producer for his script, that’s all. It came out of nowhere.”

Jungkook recoils at that, a stubborn brow raised as he tries to keep his composure. “Because you don’t think I’m capable of being a producer?”

“That’s not what I’m saying,” you inhale sharply, gripping a random article of Hwayoung’s clothing beside you to pace yourself. “Namjoon’s.. big. He’s established, and well, you’ve never become a producer before.”

“And you have?” Jungkook digs, even if it’s unnecessary to do so, and the way his face falls at the forthcoming regret that creeps up to him lets you know that he thinks so too.

“Jungkook,” you try again, quirking your lips to the side as you try to manage with the pace he’s set you up on. “I’m just surprised, that’s all. This is all new to me. All new to you, even. If anything, it’s nice that Namjoon trusts you a lot.

“He does. We’re close,” he nods, clearing his throat as he feels that the both of you could move on to the other phase of the news you had interrupted him at. “As a matter of fact, we’re taking it on a global scale.”

Jungkook doesn’t get why your face falls.

He doesn’t get why your shoulders rise and fall, not in relief, but out of controlled tension that threatens to pour over.

“What?”

“The script. The film,” he smiles, trying to get you to finish his sentence and connect the dots together but to no avail. “It’s… it’s — we have to film in the US for a few months.”

“What?” you repeat, the knot in your throat tangling up more and more hesitance in you the longer it stays there.

“I said, we have to-…”

“No, I heard what you said,” you interrupt, jaw clenching tightly as you try to grasp everything Jungkook has said.

You don’t get why Jungkook’s smiling.

You don’t get why he’s completely at ease and only in confusion as he sees you piece everything out.

“Then what’s the matter?”

“Kook, all of this is new. Everything you’ve just said is and will be new,” you chuckle humorlessly, running your hand through your hair in frustration as you try to relax. “I’m happy for you, believe me, but Jungkook, what you’re saying is serious. It’s a lot to take in,” you pause, eyes wide as you repeat the words to yourself. “You. Producing. In the US, of all places, a-and for months.”

There’s not one exact emotion that runs through you because the longer that Jungkook looks at you, ecstatic, while you’re weighing what he’s just said like a bag of bricks — you feel even more conflicted.

Your husband wrings his hands together, nervously smiling at you as if he’s asking for permission, but the both of you know that his mind’s already set. He thinks the opportunity of producing a short film that’s been drafted by his friend is a once-in-a-lifetime thing, eager to take off even if he’s had no experience at all in the industry.

“I don’t know, baby. It’s just been so long since I got this excited and alive, y’know? It’s a nice change of pace and I get to do something nice-…”

“Isn’t being with your daughter nice?” you ask abruptly, unable to mask the conflict that’s been brewing in your mind ever since Jungkook pulled you aside to talk. You feel hesitant; disconnected even from wrapping your head around his wording.

Even convincing yourself that you’re just spent from working sunrise to sundown doesn’t work. No matter how hard you try, Jungkook’s tone remains as is.

“Y/N,” he sighs, lips in a tight line as he screws his eyes shut. “Don’t start.”

“I’m not starting anything, Jungkook,” you grit, crossing your arms in defense. You feel guarded more than ever, not because you’re the one whom he’s pertaining to, but because your Hwayoung is involved and you won’t sit around for it. “It’s just that when you put it like that, it sounds like taking care of Hwayoung is a chore.”

You used to be sure awhile ago that you were seeing double because in between memorizing scripts and going from schedule to schedule without any time to rest in between, you’ve been worried sick because Jungkook hadn’t texted you the whole day. You were shocked enough to come home to your daughter playing by herself downstairs (with Miso watching her the whole time), even more-so when you saw Jungkook engrossed in a highly-enthusiastic phone call.

Jungkook sighs as if talking to you completely exhausts him, pinching his nosebridge before muttering under his breath. “Like you’re one to talk.”

“Excuse me?” you blink in surprise, tilting your head in sheer confusion. You’re about to shrug it off but he does that thing again, the one where he almost rolls his eyes at you but realizes it at the last minute.

“Nothing.”

“Say that again, Jungkook.”

“My god,” Jungkook groans, throwing his head back. He runs his hands through his hair frustratedly, sucking in a rushed breath. He looks straight at you when he gives his grievance. “I’m just saying! Why do you get to live out your dream but I don’t?”

“This is my job,” you bite back instantly, the second it took for you to digest his words being enough time for him to groan again. “If it were up to me, do you think I’d work six days a week? Do you not know how much it kills me to stay away from my family?”

You’re at a loss for words, the tiny bit of insecurity you have being dug up once again. You feel guilty because you actually don’t — you know to yourself that you still dedicate so much of yourself to Jungkook and Hwayoung even if you work full-time.

Jungkook chokes up a laugh in front of your face.

“Then quit your dream if you’re so miserable.”

Your jaw clenches quickly in annoyance, unable to retain the disbelief that builds up in your chest. “My dream is my job! It’s why we’re living this life in the first place, Jungkook! Your dream is this project that was pitched to you like what, two weeks ago?”

“Can I not live my life the way that I want to?” he asks exaggeratedly, eyes wide in defense. “Why am I only your husband and why am I only Hwayoung’s dad? Why can’t I go to the US a-and try things out? Why can’t I be free from all this even for just a while?”

Your mouth falls apart at that, your moment of shock simultaneously being Jungkook’s instance for guilty. He wants to reel it in right then and there, but the small part of his pride grows to hold him back.

“Do we hold you back that much?” you whisper, the headache that has been building in your head since this morning shrinking to the size of Jungkook’s words. “What are you getting so angry for? I’m not saying no. I’m asking you why you’re so hellbent on suddenly leaving to do this.”

A large part of you, if not all, feels more disappointed than angry. Hwayoung has not and should never be an afterthought for the both of you yet Jungkook brings her up with you like mere variables.

You can grasp the fact that being a parent is a full-time job like yours yet what you can’t get a hold of is your husband’s apprehension; his sudden need of pursuing something beyond your family.

“Because I’m scared, Y/N,” Jungkook whispers, exhaling heavily. “I’m scared that this is all what life could ever be for me.”

It’s only when you’re completely silent that he comes back to the severity of his words, the tension that’s been building up in him breaking the moment that you break eye contact with him.

“I’m sorry for being your wife.”

“Baby, that’s not-…” Jungkook tries to correct himself, hot on your heels as you get up from your seat on the couch. You’re not even speeding up yet he catches you just as urgently, the hold he has on your arm doing little to put you at ease.

“And I’m sorry for making you a dad.”

“Y/N, sweetheart, I’m-…”

“You should do this project if you really want to,” you quip, back still turned to him as you enter the bedroom. Jungkook noticeably stops in his tracks, the furrow in his brows fading because you’ve put him on whiplash.

“What?”

“You’ve held down the fort while I was out being the breadwinner. It’ll be nice for you to do your own thing,” you smile tightly, eager to sleep on the whole thing just so you don’t stay hung-up for too long.

“What about Hwayoung? What about your film? They want it to be an entry for the Academy, right?” he asks in concern, different from the worry he had awhile ago when he thought you were against him leaving.

You nod, easily shrugging despite the weight on your shoulders. “I’m her mom, of course. She’s gonna come first. And for the film, I think I can still do it. I’ll juggle them both if I have to.”

Jungkook nods, eyes set on the floor. He didn’t think this far at all.

“Do you want to hire a nanny? I know a friend.”

“I’ll pass. I don’t trust nannies.”

There’s an overwhelming silence that engulfs the both of you, the white noise machine in your nightstand unable to fill it completely. Jungkook looks at the ceiling while you look at Hwayoung who’s sprawled in the middle of your bed, clutching Miso like a teddy bear — she already fell asleep waiting for the both of you.

“I didn’t mean what I said awhile ago, I’m sorry. It came out the wrong way,” Jungkook apologizes after some time, hand darting out to hold yours while you only hover above your vanity, taking off all of your jewelry except for your wedding ring.

“When do you leave?” you ask, still unable to meet his gaze.

“Next week,” he clears his throat. “When do you start filming?”

You nod, coming into terms that Jungkook would leave no matter what you say. “Next week.”

You’re arranging the covers when your husband tries to hold you again, voice strained and rushed. “Y/N, I really am sorry. I love being your-…”

“Shh,” you interrupt, pursing your lips. “Hwayoung’s sleeping.”

( ♡ )

You asked for a day off.

You’ve rarely ever asked for them throughout your entire career because you were built on the mindset that at the end of the day, you’re also an employee no matter what gig you land. Be it the cameos you used to book with Yoongi or the titular characters you take from studio after studio, you’re still the employee who had worked her way up fairly.

You didn’t ask for it during that instance when you fell sick after back-to-back shoots because you didn’t want to waste anyone’s time. You didn’t ask for it when you woke up with the type of fatigue that settled in your body no matter how hard you closed your eyes or laid your head against the cushions.

You’ve never asked for it for your sake, but you’ve asked for a day off now because Jungkook’s leaving for a place you can’t come and go to as you wish.

Unlike your house or the hotels you book for him and Hwayoung to be at whenever you have to film out of town, Jungkook’s out of reach. He’s one call away, granted that your timezones match up and there’s a connection strong enough for it to continue without a hitch. He’s far from your grasp and he will be for months on end, and you don’t think you can ever stomach working on the same day he’s leaving.

“Are you seeing me off at the airport?” he asks during the car ride, voice audible enough for only you to hear and not Hwayoung who’s sprawled across both of your laps, sleeping soundly with her plushie that resembled Miso.

“I will, but I don’t think I can see you off near the gate. I can only manage up to here,” you answer honestly, willing yourself not to break down even if the both of you are still in the car, away from any prying eyes of the media that lurks outside. “So can Hwayoung,” you add, a large part of you being grateful that she’s asleep when Jungkook has to leave so neither of you would hear her cries.

Jungkook sees that hesitance in you, the same kind that softens him into fragments.

“It’ll only be for awhile, okay? Just for a few months,” he smiles tightly, rearranging his backpack next to him, the keyring that held Hwayoung’s second-favorite toy (not the ultimate favorite because she won’t ever let him take it) clattering loudly. “I love you,” Jungkook murmurs. “Do you know that?”

“Mhmm.”

“Say it back.”

You refuse to do so because saying it back feels finite, perhaps even forced, because although you love Jungkook, saying so at the moment only weighs you down as reality sinks in. “This is gonna be easy for us, right?"

“It’s not like we’ve never been in a similar set-up before,” he shrugs, the pout on his face casual as he tries to level with you.

“But this is different, Jungkook. This is beyond different. We have Hwayoung and now, we’re both working,” you stammer, chest rising and falling as you wrap your head around everything. “This— this isn’t Seoul to Jeonju. This isn’t a leave by day, come back by night type of trip. This is-…”

“You’re freaking out,” Jungkook interjects, his soft yet stern voice cutting through your thoughts as he lays a hand on your thigh, the platinum of his wedding band looking right up at you.

You surrender in defeat, not because you’re fighting with your husband, but because there’s simply no other answer he could ever conjure for you as to why this is happening.

“Why aren’t you? Why am I the only one scared?” you whisper.

“You’re not supposed to be.”

“Of course. It’s not like you— we put everything on the line,” you clear your throat, looking down on your shoes as you convince yourself. You ignore how you’re still not entirely aware of what’s with Jungkook’s project, other than the fact that Namjoon’s the screenwriter, all in favor of giving you a semblance of sanity before Jungkook leaves you and Hwayoung. “Right?”

( ♡ )

You wonder if Jungkook already ate breakfast.

You wonder if he ate the supposedly excellent in-flight meal that comes with first-class tickets, or if he ate the ramen he’s always had a penchant for eating especially during your trips, whether by land, sea, or air. You wonder if he’s grumpy with the altitude and the way he has to pop his ears ever so often, along with the way he always seems to be too long for airplane seats turned into beds.

You call but Jungkook doesn’t answer, even if you know he’ll never not purchase in-flight wifi because he’d rather knock himself out than have to read a book or something of the sort. You message, but then again, your husband doesn’t answer, even if you know he’ll much rather reply via text than to record a voice note because he’s shy with people hearing him in public spaces, albeit closed.

Hwayoung waits patiently beside you, swinging her legs back and forth on the couch as Miso stays up with her. She should’ve been in bed half an hour ago but you let her stay up with you, all in the pursuit of getting Jungkook to respond.

“Appa?” she asks again after a minute of you trying for her dad but through another app, her pout reminding you of Jungkook’s who’s unreachable.

You try not to frown in front of her, leveling yourself as you settle for kissing her forehead to cover up the sigh that originates deep from your chest.

“Not yet, Young-ie.”

.

.

.

There’s no text from Jungkook when you wake, but there is a picture of him in the buffet of the private lounge he’s staying at during his layover.

Atleast Jungkook did eat breakfast and Hwayoung was able to sleep without him (the first of what you dread is many), nevermind the dull thrum in your chest in Jungkook’s absence.

( ♡ )

Hwayoung's been behaved the whole time you were on set.

With Jimin prioritizing his voluntary role of being a babysitter to your daughter over his position of being a manager to you, you became instantly comforted at the reassurance that you're not in this situation alone.

It's only been a week since you started working right after Jungkook left, his absence rearranging every system you've previously had in place. You do your very best to have Hwayoung still thriving, and even just the reminder that you are succeeding at being the only present parent for the meantime melts all of your fatigue away.

Your trailer's more equipped for her than it is for you, the space apparently reminding Hwayoung of home so much that it's enough to make her remind you that Miso should go join the both of you sometime. Your dressing room's always been hers, and so has been the affection of everyone close to you.

“I take my role of godfather very seriously.”

Yoongi explains even if you haven't asked him anything. In fact, you weren't talking to begin with. It's not in his nature to talk for the sake of talking (that's Jungkook's), but even with Hwayoung in his arms and you still being lost in your thoughts, he can't help but to feel concerned.

“I can tell," you snicker, finally taking notice of the sight in front of you. The earpiece that was previously on Yoongi is now slung over Hwayoung's shoulder, obviously too big on her. She wanted it as an accessory (it reminds her of the toy stethoscope she'd put on Miso as a collar) and with Yoongi being himself, he can't bring himself to say no.

Your shooting day's nearly over and although today wasn't as long as your previous record of hours on end, you already seem exhausted. Yoongi, of all people, knows what scenes wear you out. You hated doing monologues as a rookie and still despise monologues (but with random, out-of-place advertisements in between) as a veteran — you’ve done neither today.

"What's with the frown?" he asks gently, not only because Hwayoung’s been quiet for the past two minutes and she’s getting groggy, but also because if he were to ask you any louder, he feels as if you’d break.

"It's nothing," you answer automatically, looking at Hwayoung to ground yourself. "Just usual family things, I guess."

"Trouble in paradise?" Yoongi asks with a chuckle, abruptly stopping his fit of amusement when he gets goosebumps starting from the tail of his spine. He instantly recognizes it as deja vu. "I've asked you this before, haven't I?"

The realization doesn’t hit you until he points it out.

"Mhmm," you hum absent-mindedly, playing with the hem of your dress. “I don't think the problem now is anything like how it was before, though."

One night several years ago, you and Yoongi were sat side-by-side in the booth of a club, the heartbreak you had over what Jungkook’s done (and haven’t, at the time) being the wedge between you.

Now, Yoongi’s standing in front of you while you’re sat down, your daughter with Jungkook in his arms.

“Me neither. I don't know how you and Jungkook can encounter any problem worse than last time, to be honest," he chuckles, shaking his head at the recollection of the hell you’ve been through. "Also, I think I can say that because I literally don't know what's going on with you. But if you do tell me-!"

"You're so nosy,” you snort, the brief moment of playfulness welcome because your head aches the longer that you dwell over your worries.

"I can be the judge to see if what you're going through now is worse than before," Yoongi shrugs to fake nonchalance, unaware that you’re gasping in awe until you kick him lightly in the shin.

Hwayoung’s asleep in his arms.

"She's never did that with anyone before," you murmur, fishing for your phone to take a picture, but not before quickly skimming to see if Jungkook’s sent you any messages; he hasn’t. “She only either sleeps in mine or Jungkook's arms. Not for my parents, not for my in-laws. Just me and him."

Yoongi smiles proudly, stroking Hwayoung’s hair proudly. "What can I say? I'm godfather of the year."

He only sways her gently back and forth, rocking her with the patience and attention that remind you of Jungkook’s when Hwayoung was a newborn.

You’re calm and quiet to see her adjusting so well already, but you can’t help but to feel lost because you feel the exact opposite. No one’s gonna stroke your hair for you and tell you to take your time — those are Jungkook’s tasks alone, yet your grievances are also because of him.

"Jungkook's producing this short film in the US. It's by his friend," you mutter under your breath after some time in silence. Yoongi flicks his eyes up at you as if you’re talking about the weather, careful not to make you feel more conflicted than you already are. “You know… by Namjoon.”

"Since when was he into that?" he asks out of curiosity, eyebrows furrowed because he didn’t know that your opening line would ever transition to this point in the conversation. Yoongi catches a second wind the longer he processes your words, the scoff that leaves his lips making his bangs loose despite the hairspray on them. “Since when did Jungkook and Namjoon belong in the same sentence?”

"I don't know either.”

"So we're both producers now?" he snickers, the teasing already coming natural. "Nepo husband alert."

You roll your eyes in recognition, clearing your throat as soon as the laughter died between the two of you. “We got into this argument and I don't know, I-I realized I was being selfish for a moment because I didn't want him to go at first, you know?" you admit in full sincerity, exhaling the lump that forms in your throat. “He said he was afraid that this is everything he'll be. My husband, Hwayoung's dad. So on and so forth."

Yoongi only listens this time, giving the occasional hum there to remind you that he’s still there.

"And last night, he, uh, he forgot to call," you gulp, already feeling the weight of your worries settle in your stomach. "The call wasn't even for me. It's for Hwayoung because he promised he'll still read her whatever she wants."

The three of you cherish that time together because normally, it happens as soon as you get home from work. Hwayoung’s long graduated from storybooks and has now branched out to the most ridiculous texts that Jungkook indulges her with nonetheless — from the ingredient list at the back of milk cartons, and all the way to Reddit threads of how cats find their way back home to owners.

"He's been secretive about the whole thing and I-I… I do that too with my projects, I get it. But only at first because I'm literally bound to an NDA," you stammer, pinching your nosebridge to get past the frustration. “I’m just-…!" you give up, admitting the truth. "I did some snooping."

"And?" Yoongi prompts, tilting his head in anticipation.

"I think he's been secretive because the main lead's Eunsu."

Yoongi recoils at that, so much so that it almost wakes up Hwayoung.

"Eunsu? As in Park Eunsu?" he repeats, the scowl on his face getting deeper the more that you stay indifferent. “Eunsu as in your nemesis?"

You relent, the mention of her finally hitting close.

"Nemesis sounds a little childish."

Yoongi scoffs immediately, rolling his eyes at your correction. “I mean yeah, because people keep pitting her against you when she doesn't even come close," he shrugs easily, make you tut in warning. "What? I'm just saying what everybody's been thinking."

To know that you can still confide in Yoongi no matter what comforts you — what doesn’t is that this time around, your gut feeling’s stronger than it had been the last time.

"I hope I'm wrong."

"I hope so too," he exhales, shaking his head in disbelief. "What kind of asshole sleeps with his wife's enemy?"

"Don't put that out there,” you grumble, the unintentional yet weird arrangement of words making you dizzy.

"Sorry. It's a metaphor, dummy," Yoongi surrenders, clearing his throat. "Okay. Retake. What kind of husband produces a film featuring his wife's rival?

"Hopefully not mine."

( ♡ )

It takes little effort to love you.

Loving you specifically doesn’t have to be hard.

Jungkook thinks that loving you isn’t hard when you serve as the peace to his otherwise hectic and turbulent mind. You manifest into the comfort he looks for in all seasons, be it the heat pack you wordlessly put in his coat pocket or the scrunchie you put around his wrist no matter the weather whenever his hair got too long.

You don’t text him at every hour of the day whether you were working or not, but you’ve made it a point to always check up on him multiple times even if the both of you are at home, going as far to randomly waking up in the night to pause your breathing and check up on his with a hand on his chest.

It’s easy love — one that could be grasped by everyone because as the world has proved to him time and time again, you’re easy to fall with and for.

You may not coo and awe at every single thing he utters, but the adoration behind your eyes always makes him warm from the inside because you held onto him, no matter how anticlimactic his stories could be.

Neither you and Jungkook are easy, that much he knows.

He knows it because although it’s never been his intention to come home late during his allotted short break between filming (it’s disguised as a break even if he only came back to take care of work-related matters personally), you make it known that you’re irked with him for every other reason.

He knows that you aren’t easy because for the past three weeks he’s been gone, you’ve reiterated twice in the last hour alone how you’ve asked him again and again who will star in his short film. You’ve asked Jungkook repeatedly to give you details outside of Namjoon and the vaguest bits he could ever give you, establishing the fact that he isn’t even bound to an NDA.

It’s the persisting barrage of questions in your head that bothers you without a single break. It’s the hovering feeling of doom above your head because having no answers to any of them, on top of Jungkook closing himself off with or without the physical distance between the two of you and being Hwayoung’s sole caregiver, that your patience ultimately thins.

Your annoyance towards your husband is clearly obvious and it bothers him to the point of frustration. Jungkook’s been convinced since last week that if he just dodged your questions for long enough and blamed it on the connection of your call, he wouldn’t have to answer to you; he wouldn’t have to explain the fine details of the project he’s kept from you.

If he had only avoided you for long enough, you would’ve forgotten about the rumors surrounding Namjoon’s upcoming screenplay that had been leaked to the press, and the roster of actresses thought out to be the main lead of his short film.

If he had only ignored your pleas for long enough, he would have never succumbed to the preliminary guilt that comes with lying to you under the impression that he’s only being protective, pushing him to drink until his vision spins — enough for him that when he admits the truth to you, your face of heartbreak directed at him isn’t as anguishing.

“Fine, fuck it! Since you’re so nosy, yes. Eunsu is my main lead, there! She’s my muse!” Jungkook just about yells, breathless from the burn of alcohol in his throat that spreads all the way to his chest, and from the back and forth he’s been going at with you for the last hour.

“Why didn’t you tell me in the first place?!” you retort, fists clenching at your sides as the thought of Jungkook with Eunsu, with her of all actresses, in a foreign place at almost every minute of the workday irking you.

“Would it have made a difference? You’d still be angry at me,” he rolls his eyes, placing a hand on his hip as he tries to stabilize his gaze on you.

“And even then, you wouldn’t do anything about it, right? Because that’s just your nature, Jungkook,” you scoff, your dig at him being incredibly low yet you steel your pride, unwilling to back down at the thought that Jungkook’s been lying to you for three weeks– perhaps even longer.

He presses a tongue to his cheek as you pertain to the past loud and clear, the sarcastic nod he gives you making your breathing tremble.

“Why? Why does it have to be her?” you try again, this time with your jaw clenched so your anger won’t flare up because you’ve been dying to have a decent explanation from Jungkook for weeks.

“Why can’t it be her?” he counters. “B-because she’s what, she’s your rival or something? You’re jealous? Bitter?”

The knot in your chest tightens, the recall you have of the woman who had sabotaged you repeatedly when you were still a rookie putting a metallic taste on your tongue. She’s hindered you in ways that not even Yoongi could explain fully despite being the closest friend to you in the industry, the vitriol you’ve had for Eunsu in the past reviving back to life.

You have no words except for the fact that begs to be acknowledged without a single syllable.

“I’m your wife, Jungkook,” you exhale shakily, the gravity of it seemingly not enough for him because he refuses to use it as a reason to get on your side.

“Don’t you think I know that? Don’t you think everybody knows that by now?” Jungkook spits. “When I’m producing my film with Eunsu, I don’t want to be your husband, Y/N! I’m sick of it,” he seethes. “Eunsu has nothing to do with me. Why should I fight your battles for you? Why do I have to carry your grudges for something that doesn’t even concern me?”

Jungkook’s the drunkest he’s ever been in his life, yet he utters the clearest words you’ve ever heard him say.

“This is showbiz, Y/N. It’s inevitable for you to get caught up with shit.”

“You’re talking as if being my husband and being Hwayoung’s dad is a chore.”

“Because maybe it is!” Jungkook bursts with a cry, the tears that spring out of his eyes momentarily blinding him. “Because maybe, I’m fed up trying to be sickeningly devoted to you all the time.”

There’s something akin to white, hot, searing pain that spreads across your chest all the way to your temple, the tremble of your lips not enough for Jungkook to realize that you’re on the verge of sobbing.

“Sometimes I hate this. I… I-I hate this life I’m living because of you, Y/N,” Jungkook whispers. “I hate how you’re so, so perfect in juggling everything. I hate how I could spend an hour just convincing Hwayoung to eat a single carrot and you come in the room, and she finishes the bowl with a smile on her face. I-I hate how you never complain whenever you need to do late night feedings after a long day because I’m already snoring. I hate how with or without work, you’re still just—…” he stills, looking at you with a distraught gaze. “You’re still so content. You’re still able to be yourself like you’ve always been.”

There’s no words left in you; no thought at all that could ever pick you up from the ground and gather yourself the way you’ve always had whenever you and Jungkook had felt the furthest from each other.

“Jungkook,” you sniffle, even if he waves you off half-heartedly. “I’m sorry if-…”

“There it is. There it fucking is again!” Jungkook whines, foot agitatedly stomping against the floor as he pulls at his hair. “You’re apologizing for being so perfect in life that it’s making me feel bad!”

“But I’m not! I’m far from it, what the hell are you talking about?” you rasp, the sarcastic laugh that goes past your lips making his ears ring. “I’m sorry if it seems that way but I’m telling you myself that everything is not perfect the way you make it out to be. I’m sorry because it makes you feel bad, but if anything-…”

Jungkook raises a finger at you, his jaw tightening the longer he stews in displacement.

“Don’t. Don’t. Don’t tell me how content you are with everything despite being exhausted, or how you juggling everything is worth it. Don’t tell me how good of a dad I am."

“Then what can I say to make it lighter for you, Jungkook? What can I say that won’t make you resent me?” you grit in surrender, chest falling so lowly, you’ve forgotten to breathe for a long second. “Do you hate the life that we’re living now so much that you can’t even look at me?”

Love isn’t always a matter of ease and although it’s always stuck to you, you prove now that Jungkook coming home to you at this instance, in this light, that he makes love the most difficult thing.

“Do you hate the life that I gave you so badly?”

“I don’t,” he answers, mouth dry as his vision spins. “Sometimes. Tonight, though — maybe I do. It comes and goes.”

“Then what can we do about it?” you whisper, your vision hazy as you look at him. “Where do we go from here?”

“It’s getting late,” Jungkook only whispers, unwilling to look at the bed you share. “I have an early flight tomorrow.”

[franzkafkagf]

that are your conquerors headcanons? pretty please? 🥺

omg this has been in my askbox for soooo long im sorry. I have soooo many thought let me split it up

aegon i 🐲

he is nawwwt beating the intertility allegations im afraid

he was the quietest of the siblings

he had a bad relationship with his father, they never got along. i mean the first thing he did after becoming the lord of dragonstone was to burn down volantis for being foolish; i think their father was too cautious/inactive and he resented him for that

when the maester told him there was a possibility that he is unable to sire heirs he had a tauntrum and had to be soothed by his sisters 😭

he fell into a depression after rhaenys died, visenya had to drag him to balerion so they could go burn down some castles again

dorne's letter was a plea for peace; prince nymor told him that rhaenys didn't die with her fall; she died after the dragons' wrath over dorne. she was burned with the dornishmen by her own siblings

he went to dragonstone to burn her remains

he felt even more guilty after that revelation, him doting on aenys so much and being blind to his weaknesses was "atonement". he genuinely thought he killed rhaenys and had to do this to make it right. he knew aenys could never become the king he needed to be

visenya 🗡️

she is nawwwt beating the intertility and boy mom allegations im afraid

she is extremely loyal to the people she loves (namely rhaenys, aegon and maegor)

she actually did help aenys at the end of his life; she loved him, i'm sure of it. she tried to save him but he couldn't be saved anymore

she loves him because he is rhaenys' son. that loyality didn't extend to rhaenys' grandchildren, though.

she and aegon were VERY alike. so alike that it was kind of scary tbh

that's also why they couldn't stand each other most of the time (the love was there, though)

visenya was LIVID about his reaction to the letter, that was the final straw for their relationship

not only because he showed "weakness" by making peace, but also because he didn't tell her about rhaenys' funeral. she wanted to be there.

she and aegon created maegor together via ancient valyrian blood magic

visenya saw this as a last restort; aenys seemed like he was going to die

rhaenys 🎀

she was a bit of a hoe but we love that for her

aerion said sterile daughter, sterile son and thot daughter

she is the only one of the three siblings actually able to have a cordial conversation with someone

she's the optimist while aegon is the pessimist and visenya is the realist

she and meraxes had a super deep bond

the conversation between the siblings on how to get a heir was very awkward

visenya and aegon insisted on also choosing who aenys' father was going to be

she was the one who came up with the house sigil of the three-headed-dragon

she was never really that passionate about the conquest; she only went along with it because her siblings did

she was the best mom to aenys <3

[pansyfemme]

hey i know you're not an advice blog or anything and feel free to ignore this but im a sophomore this year and ive been questioning my gender for a couple weeks. i think i might be nonbinary or a demiboy or something because i really hate being called a girl and i get so jealous of my bsf who is transmasc cause he's a boy. however im trying out a new name with that same friend rn and i like being called it and everything but idk if im really getting that huge euphoric rush most trans people describe. idk i thought i was trans for a while in 8th grade but i never told anyone or did anything about it and now i feel like it's too late. im scared im faking it because i really dont mind my legal name all that much (it doesn't feel right but i don't hate it) and like what if i just have some weird sick subconscious desire to win the "oppression olympics" or something. my first ever relationship ended a couple months ago and it was with a girl and idk if that has anything to do with my gender stuff. im just scared im faking it or something and i feel like no one will ever see me as a real trans person because im only just now realizing this. anyway sorry for dumping all this in your askbox feel free to ignore this if you want to im just really confused and some advice would really help lol

hey there. just gonna say a few things.

from what i’m hearing, you seem to have come to a conclusion of sorts already. being trans is a difficult thing to figure out, but you seem to have identified a lot of feelings and why you might be having them. I’ll tell you a few things- i don’t mind my birthname either, i changed it because it wasn’t mine, not because it hurt me. i even tell people it openly. i know trans people who never change their names at all. second, feeling like it’s too late is a pretty much universal feeling amongst the community, and it’s never rational. you always have time. three, people do not fake being trans. every trans person is a ‘real’ trans person. if you think so much about being trans that you’ve began thinking that you may be faking it- that shows that gender transition is a serious consideration of yours. it’s scary and it’s hard, but i think you seem to have thought a lot about it and may know for yourself if it’s real or not. i wish you well.

[jymwahuwu]

Hmmm but what if the situation is reserved? This time, it readers who need a fake boyfriend???

Readers who are in tight situation and begrudgingly plead Jing Yuan to be their fake boyfriend for a while

(maybe to avoid another relentless suitor and then in the moment of panic, reader pick up the phone who has been ringing non stop and tell this person "sorry, my lover is calling. Hey dear" without looking at the caller name.)

(Jing Yuan hear everything)

sorry🥺 it took so long to reply, cuz there are too many in the askbox. im slowly writing some drafts

TW: yandere, non-con, taking pictures without consent

What do you mean by "fake boyfriend"? Now your real boyfriend is in front of you 🤔😚

…Although Jing Yuan thought so, he didn't say it. He nodded in acquiescence to your request - you looked like you were on the verge of tears, startled by that creepy suitor.

You definitely need some protection and care. He wiped away your tears and resisted the urge to take you in his arms. The general is delighted to hear you address him as "boyfriend". He pretends to give you advice, offers to go on a date, and posts on social media. Then that suitor will give up! You say yes, thinking it was just acting, but this date really feels like a real date…Jing Yuan even kisses you on the cheek. You accuse him in a panic, but he says it's part of acting with grievance.

After sending you home like a good boyfriend, the general finally couldn't help pulling you onto the bed, holding you down, and kissing you. You sob and gasp under him.

Jing Yuan took a picture between your cum filled slits, and that shows all the details pretty clearly. He just wants to help, accept this, okay? <3<3

[prinnamon]

How do you feel about the BMS Hev Suit? It's my personal favorite design out of every appearance but I can see why people would be upset with the creative liberties Crowbar Collective took with the design.

-LHLP

OHH this is such a good question to get in my askbox... one that immediately made me boot up Black Mesa so i could get screenshots to answer with. im smiling. im grinning

it's probably pretty easy to figure out that my favorite model is the one from the PS2 port, & i think i knew from previous posts on your blog that the BMS suit was your favorite. i love Black Mesa (2015) as a game but sadly, and im very sorry to say it, i do not love the HEV suit from that game :'] it has qualities that i like, but overall it misses the mark for me!

oh, that was an accidental pun. misses the Mark... like the Mark IV HEV suit. hehe

i'm going to put the rest of this post under a read more... i don't say anything suggestive under the cut unless you count like 1 very tame passing remark about the Mk V's hip plates. but this is quite a long and rambling post because i think about the HEV suit so much & want to be in one so bad & have taken a costume visual development class so i ended up having a ton to say ^_^ !!!

i think i was a tad biased against the BMS suit from the beginning when my good friend who started playing Black Mesa before i did pointed out that it looks less like a Mk IV and more like "a modified Mk V." i think it was right on the mark with that comment, and that's probably the source of most the things that irk me about the suit

pictured, in order: HL1 suit, PS2 suit, HL2 suit, BMS suit

i know the HL1 and PS2 renders being in 3/4 view while the HL2 and BMS suits are viewed straight on is unhelpful since this is meant to be a direct comparison, but i'm getting these images (excluding my own Black Mesa screenshot) from Combine Overwiki, which doesn't have a 3/4 view for the Mk V or a front view of either of the Mk IVs!

when you look at them all next to one another, it's pretty clear how the BMS model uses the Mk V as a base as opposed to upscaling one of the Mk IVs or creating one from scratch based on its prior iterations in games and promotional art. i have nothing against the Mk V, but the Mk IV is my true love. to me, the BMS suit is like the Mk V with a Mk IV coat of paint.

however! i do want to rattle off a couple things i feel the BMS suit got super correct. the accordion joints look exactly as they should. they're all the same color (it irks me a little in the HL1 model and promotional art when some of them look more copper/red while some of them are black), and they're present on both the elbows and torso where they belong (HL1 doesn't have them in either area and PS2 is just missing accordion joints on the elbows). i adore how and metallic they look in the PS2 model, but it raises some questions about what material they're made from and whether such a material would actually be both flexible and durable. in BMS they look like they're made of a tough synthetic fabric, and that makes perfect practical sense.

and, really, i have to stress that none of my complaints matter all that much, because Black Mesa positively nails what is objectively the most important part of the suit: the gloves. after the HEV suit's introductory scene and all the way up until Xen, you don't see any part of it but the hands and forearms since the game is in first person. and the hands and forearms are perfect. i don't think the player character's hands have ever looked better in a half-life game. incredibly nice to look at, i think.

it knocked those elements out of the part. sadly i have a bunch of nitpicks about other aspects of the design which don't appeal to me as much as the other iterations of the Mk IV!

most of the areas that were shiny and silver in the original Mk IV have been replaced with a black material that has a more matte texture. it could very well still represent metal, but it's always looked to me more like hard plastic or vinyl. i really like the appearance of the Mk IV's shiny metal parts, probably because i love the texture of metal in real life and it looks like it would feel so so so nice to touch. the change of material is a downgrade for me :[

additionally, some of the elements which felt really three-dimensional in the PS2 model look flatter in the BMS model. i liked all the visible grooves and seams of the PS2 model. by comparison, in Black Mesa, those details either look sanded down or are entirely absent. i think this is most evident on the lower half. the vents on the outer part of the thigh plating take up significantly less surface area, and they also look quite a bit flatter. the boots are missing all the detail they used to have, without even the orange plating on the top of the foot. it just... looks like it'd be less fun to run my hands along, because there's fewer unique textures, fewer seams you could trace with your fingers.

the control panel... it really is just slapped in the empty space left under the lambda logo in the Mk V. i love the way the buttons are set deeper into the chestplate in the PS2 model. In BMS, it's level with the rest of the chestplate and has raised buttons. seems like that'd make it easier for them to be pressed accidentally, which would pose some practical problems. and the black and silver part under the control panel... there just isn't any basis for that in any of the art or models of the Mk IV except possibly in the HL1 promo art of Gordon Freeman if you squint.

i find the level of detail in the greaves kinda disappointing, but to tell the truth, i don't think i like the lower legs of *any* of the suits, so now i'm not even truly complaining about a problem unique to the BMS suit. the ideal HEV suit greaves exist only in my mind. the two silver pieces in the front, though... i really think they need to be interpreted as some kind of closure, or else they're just purposeless greebles. on the Mk V, the function of these metal pieces is not evident based on their appearance, so that area ends up looking confusing and visually cluttered. this is carried over almost 1:1 to the BMS suit. every HEV design kinda breaks down when you think about how it would be put on and taken off, but looking at the front of the greaves on the Mk V and BMS suit *really* reminds me of the fact that this armor just does not make a lot of sense

lastly, i think this is probably a less a popular opinion, but from a design standpoint i do prefer what i've heard people refer to as the "metal diaper" situation in the HL1 and PS2 models over what the BMS suit has going on down there. essentially, they've stolen the Mk V's love handles and then put a sort of rounded flat piece over the groin area that has always felt out of place to me. it doesn't speak to any other part of the design; it's not echoed in any other area/element (which is the same gripe i have whenever a suit design's accordion joints aren't consistent).

i think that's most of if not all my issues with it! to be honest, i really don't think i *have* seen a perfect HEV suit model in any official or unofficial Half-Life game. i'm in love with the PS2 model, but i still think there's things wrong with the greaves on that one, and none of the suits has any visual indication of how a wearer gets in or out. a lot of my dislike for the BMS suit in particular is because i'm a massive fan of the Mk IV, so to see a suit that purports to be the Mk IV when it really has more in common with the Mk V is a disappointment. like i said, though, you really don't see much of the suit in-game, and the gloves are spot-on, so the model achieves the main goal it needs to achieve. i just can't get into it as much as i'm into the PS2's Mk IV.

i hope this seems fair and wasn't much longer of a reply than was warranted :'] i don't want it to seem like i'm trashing your favorite suit design, LHLP, because i can still see the things you like about it even if it doesn't resonate with me! anyway thanks so much for the ask because i really enjoyed getting to answer it. i hope you have a good one!!

[joohanisms]

Hiii!! How r u?

Do you write threesomes? I wanted to request Ode x Reader x Jooyeon one🤭🤭

hey!!!! im great thanks :-) wbu?

hell YES i do omg i'm doing thoughts right now to keep you Sated but i'm for SUREEEE writing a full oneshot about this stay tuned (hope you like this though <3)

threesomes with seungmin and jooyeon 💭💫

cw: threesomes duh, dom/sub dynamics, mention of squirting, edging, pegging, sighs i love them, bisexuality apparently wc: ~510

minors dni

i feel like ode is a dom and i'm pretty sure most of the fandom does as well lmao

as for joo... i can see him being a switch + a slight brat but i love him most at his subbiest. he's puppy

so when you factor in... very interesting dynamic

this might go a few ways. let's go over them real quick

if you lean towards subbing, seungmin will have a field day omg

he'll have to take care of both you and joo 😭

seungmin will be sooo mean but not in an openly degrading way. in a fake sympathy way

"my babies can't do anything by themselves, can they?" he coos, "that's too bad. you need me for everything..." while he undresses you and has jooyeon clinging to him for attention

if he's feeling extra mean he'll make jooyeon fuck you in front of him just so both of you get even more frustrated and begging

will eventually push joo aside so he can fuck you himself as you jerk jooyeon off

(if you and/or jooyeon are being bratty he might leave the room and not come back for like 10 minutes. y'all are too horny to properly wait for him most of the time and he'll come back to you rutting desperately against each other – just so you know, he's going to be edging you for being impatient ❤)

OR ...

you will be tag teamed. be ready to not leave the bed the next day

seungmin is meaner but jooyeon is somehow worse because he has so much energy

like his hands are on you the entire time you can't catch a break. hips are being squeezed, titties are getting sucked, legs are being spread, pussy is being played with, ass is being slapped, neck is getting marked, the list goes on

(you squirted due to his ~ministrations~ once and he's been trying to get you to do it again ever since)

you can BET you'll end up in the eiffel tower position at some point – seungmin prefers to fuck your cunt so he's always got dibs and will slap jooyeon's ass if he pouts too much about how "he gets to fuck you everytime"

but oh my god. jooyeon will Destroy your throat. he'll make you gag accidentally and soothe you with a low "sorry baby" and a scalp scratch :-( he makes you feel so good though

once you were in joo's lap, your back to his chest, while seungmin ate you out and the first thing seungmin did after making you cum was to kiss jooyeon on the mouth so he could taste you too and you nearly came for a second time

delectable aftercare. jooyeon is in charge of cuddles while seungmin has to be the responsible one

BUT .. what if you're more of a dom ????

joo i'm so sorry you're getting wrecked

wouldn't let seungmin fuck him at first. was fine with you pegging him though

"jooyeon. is this a no homo thing or...?" watch the poor guy scramble

once he's comfortable with him, joo's FAVORITE thing is fucking you while he's being fucked by seungmin

seung's thrusts are pushing him forward into your cunt and it's soooo much, he's surrounded by pleasure

he cries (/pos) into your shoulder because he feels so good :-(

as aftercare, sandwich him between you and seungmin for cuddles and he's on cloud 9 <333

as i've mentioned, i will be writing a proper oneshot for this!! if you want to tell me in my askbox/the replies which dynamic you like best, feel free to do so :-) i'll definitely take it into consideration!!!!

[controversial-blorbo-bracket]

i don't mean to stir up more controversy so feel free to not post this ask, but like. yeah. i don't get it. is harry potter a shitty franchise filled to the brim with subtle bigotry and glorification of various nasty outlooks on humanity? kinda, in my opinion, yeah. is it written by, and profited off of by someone actively using their platform to cause harm to human rights? yeah. would i ever want to engage with the content or fandom? no not really. but does this mean that anyone who even breathes in the direction of Harry Potter content is condoning all this bullshit, or kissing the author's shoes and ideologies, and giving them money to harm the people they want to harm? uh.......... no, not really. what the fuck

like............ yeah. like you said it's a huge franchise. literally a silly little Tumblr poll that will realistically get under 10,000 votes, let alone notes or discussions, is not at all going to compare to the reach she already has. and it feels weird to twist the blame that way— this author is using their writing and manipulation skill to earn lots of money and do awful things with it... and suddenly it's the individual fans' fault that she has that money and reach? and not just the fans, but even people that don't actively go out of their way to excommunicate fans of the media?

sorry to rant in your inbox i just. im pretty sick of all this "inaction against a major celebrity is the same as condoning their abuse of power and influence" stuff that people throw around instead of criticizing why our social power structure is based on popularity and engagement in the first place (which is bound to put the most cultish, manipulative, influential, and charismatic people in power). idk it just feels really skeevy to blame people who enjoy or passively tolerate something that's expertly designed specifically to be appealing by a master manipulator.

you don't have to post this (though i also don't mind if you do) i just wanted to like. bring some of my takes into your inbox cause these anons sounding like they're accusing you of queer blasphemy or some shit over literally just.... letting someone hate their anti-blorbo/love their blorbo that they think everyone else hates.... are just really putting me off. like do they get that this is the "oil companies tell poor people global warming is their fault" argument all over again?

This has been sitting in my askbox for a long time because I wasn’t sure how to address it or whether to even address it or just delete it, as it feels like a topic that’s bigger than I am and I can’t ever properly address all of it. But all I’ll say is, while I agree that not all discussion of Harry Potter or other shitty medias is promotion and we as individuals shouldn’t be held accountable for the actions of a transphobic billionaire, it is still important to approach the subject with nuance and make sure the ways in which we talk about it do not spread harm. I think that’s why so many polls decide to ban it and other medias from their polls, because most of them are designed to find the “best” of something and to insinuate that something from one of those medias can be the best could be harmful. That’s why I’m not gonna post any asks that defend the series as a whole or the franchise as a property, because it’s not right to even humor those who want to downplay transphobia and antisemitism (among others). Aaaanyways all this to say if people discourse about Harry Potter characters in the notes or askbox go for it just remember the real people impacted by the bigotries present in it when considering the way you want to make your discussions

[tangledinink]

ghghhh srry to clog up your askbox i just have a couple reference questions for swn (little tidbits i'd like for scotch gambit):

how often does each of the boys' extracurriculars meet? or just like a general idea of their schedules. how many commitments per day, how often they get actual Days Off, etcetera; u can be as vague or as detailed as u want here

this one's just for funsies: do mikey and donnie's therapists have canonical names

thank you :] im sososo glad u liked my silly chess fic

Oh, just the vague idea is that they're BUSY. Most of them have multiple commitments per day, depending on the season (ie swim and basketball season during winter VS no school in the summer.) It varies depending on which boy you're lookin' at, but most of them have things to do most, if not all, days of the week, and they like it that way. They've also just kinda been doing this their whole lives (due to always having so much gd energy and always wanting to do every thin g,) so it feels normal to them. Doing multiple things in a day and being busy from, like, 7AM to 9PM (with some breaks in between!) would typically feel reasonable and manageable to all of them. There are certainly days that are LESS busy but they tend to live chaotic lives overall.

Please note that all of them are free to quit any extracurriculars at any time, which their Dad has always been vocal abt because he DOES worry about them getting burnt out, and they have dropped things in the past (Leo used to take piano lessons! Donnie did debate team for a while!) but they all really like all the activities they currently do and luckily they all have stupid mutant super soldier genes behind them to take it all on. Donnie probably attends to least, like, practices and meetings and engages in the least structured/social activities, but he arguably does the MOST when you take into account how much solo time he puts into all his various hobbies, be it engineering or coding or dance or gymnastics. Mikey is probably also slightly more on that side of the spectrum, just due to the nature of a lot of his hobbies (ie art, cooking, skateboard, etc.) Leo and Raph are both a lot more inclined towards things like team sports or social activities, with Raph arguably being the most 'social' of the bunch in this regard since he not only teaches children, not only engages in multiple team sports, but also LEADS multiple team sports (captain of the football team, babey, AND the basketball team, AND the swim team--) but Leo is the one who craves "being busy" the most, I think. Other kids and parents watch on in awe and horror.

Also, they sure do!!! Mikey's therapist is named Catherine Neopolitan. Donnie's therapist is named Mossy, but I haven't given her a last name yet;;;

THANK YOU I LOVE YOUR CHESS FIC <;3 friendly reminder to everyone who hasn't already to go read this Sorry What Now side-fic that Letter wrote!!!

[crazylittlejester]

Hey Jes been a while since I was in your askbox lmao but yeaahhhh I don't vibe with the fandom polls. No shade against the characters or people who like them but my faves are Wars and Four, who are chronically low ranking in favorite polls, and I don't vibe with Legend. I see the appeal, but he's not one of my faves.

Warriors pride!

i think the thing with fandom polls is that unless jojo posts them, they’re gonna be a bit biased. because the person who posts them probably has their favorite, and the people who follow them have probably share the same favorite or like similar characters/something to that effect. like if i were to post a poll asking people their favorite link, i’m willing to bet Warriors would do SIGNIFICANTLY better than if say, a Wild centered blog posted the same poll, just because I have a lot of Warriors fans who follow me because i post a lot about him and my poll will probably be seen by those people the most

and this isn’t like, anyones fault at all, like these polls definitely are not designed to be rigged, but I think that just sometimes happens. like that one poll that was floating around this past week? Warriors was like solidly in the top four for a very long time and still might be, but the other one people have been talking about, he was voted least favorite and did not do well on the favorite poll either

so im not sure how accurate we’ll ever be able to get unless jojo herself posts a poll because that’s something that would reach everyone fairly evenly, if that makes sense at all

but also Warriors in general just isn’t really liked by the fan base from what i’ve seen, and some people either mischaracterize him, forget about him entirely, or actively make him a horrible person in fics in order to create more angst. so yes I do think there are still an odd number of people who generally dislike him, but I feel like that poll may not be the most accurate thing ever. which again, is absolutely no one’s fault, it’s just really hard to get an accurate fandom reading from only 200 something people /gen

sorry if none of this is coherent 😭

[stupidrant]

i'm gonna be honest here, i just want to let it out there that i don't think it's entirely fair to judge thrud so harshly for being a product of her enviroment or her mistakes :( i can also point fingers at atreus for his poor decision making and acting out, but that would be stupid to do because he is after all a 14 year old kid. thrud is approximately same age as atreus and angrboda.

and i just realized just like jotunheim was angrboda's whole life and not being able to meet people her age, that's how it was for thrud while growing up in a toxic asgardian home with weird & down right mean family members. like whatever bullshit she saw and heard, all of it was a norm to her. we might not care, but the truth is that asgard was her entire world. her dad, however broken and unstable, was her entire world and wanted him to be better. and i would have had a problem if both dealt with their problems the same way or they were the same characters who showed grace, i greatly prefer them being on different ends of the spectrums so there's more room to develop their traits and arcs.

from thrud and sif's ending dialogues when they were sitting by the fire - i am sure that this is a kid who is going to shake off the ideology and propaganda they were raised with. she has to. because asgard is gone and she has to face reality in the other realms. and i don't doubt that sif the diplomat is going to keep her in check too!

(i am very sorry for the walls of text in your askbox but i find these discussions so fascinating and healthy, anyways i hope you're having a good day and what song are you listening to these days 💙💙💙 me personally i am in love with cowboy carter these days UGH I LOVE THE SONG TYRANT)

Im sure you know this anon but to anyone who might think otherwise i dont hate thrud so pls dont think that and i dont intend to start anything 😭 i agree she isnt a product of her family and i dont really put anything against her as she's just a kid hence why i think the most likely path she'd go is a self-reflection one rather than a self-deprecating one. Having differences is how atreus became friends with her, angrboda and skjoldr so heres to hoping for her and angie to be atleast acquaintances!

some additional comments about this too: i think the responses to thrud's character isnt completely because of her per-say, but more so because of the "fandom" (outside of here) and how she has a lot of weirdos on her (which isnt her fault either, shes just a character at the end of the day and a lot of those people do too much and it comes off as very disingenuous) and i think as time goes on, more people are gonna see through this and be a little turned off on her which is unfortunate because it should never be that serious and im not gonna let those people override my liking for her, im just pointing out how i see things and how dudebros fuck everything up in their paths. (since the year started i've been listening to more slower tempo songs tbh and i dont have any current favorites atm so imma just say sade - kiss of life for now lol)

[lcs-library]

I SAW THE REQUEST GAME AND CAME RUNNING. mmm im thinking rosehip & pomegranate for banri (my stinky beloved), tsuzu, and kazu if you haven't done those prompts for them already? thanks a bunch and pls be sure to hydrate lots and lots 🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼

FRIEND???? IN THE ASKBOX?? More likely than you’d think<3333. I haven’t done these prompts for them, and I’m sorry it took a while, but this was really fun to write! Thanks sm for the request hehe<3333333

Request game

Rules

Rosehip: How romantic are they? How do they show affection?

Pomegranate: At what point did they know they loved their s/o?

Banri

Rosehip

🍂TEASE.

🍂He is romantic, yeah, and he loves you, but grand gestures or declarations aren’t really his thing. If you get one, you just KNOW it’s to see you blush, he doesn’t mean it.

🍂Or does he????🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨

🍂“Hey.” You turn around at the sound of Banri’s voice to find him leaning over the kitchen counter, that iconic foxy look in his eyes. You have to sigh, almost entirely sure of what was going to happen next.

🍂“What?” You ask, knowing his next move.

🍂“Oh, there’s my dear. I love you~.” He croons, making a kissy motion. You couldn’t say you didn’t feel at least a little flustered, but that didn’t change the fact that this was Banri Settsu you were talking to.

🍂You stepped up to him, shoving your palm against his mouth.

🍂“Yeah, nice try.”

🍂“What? You used to like it when I was all flirty.” He pouted.

🍂“Mhm, not before I caught on to your stupid schemes.” You replied flatly, going back to the task at hand.

🍂“But it def helped ya fall in love with me a little more, didn’t it?”

🍂You had to cringe at the accusation, but you couldn’t deny it.

🍂“Shut up.”

🍂“That’s what I thought.” He replied with a sly grin.

🍂BASTARD.

🍂Even though he tends to mask his affection in cheesy lines and smug smirks, when he’s in a really romantic mood it’s like he’s a completely different person.

🍂He’s practically attached to you, his face in your shoulder mumbling things like “I love you” over and over again.

🍂Of course, this is something you only get to see in private, as he can’t let anybody know that Mr. Super Ultra Easy Mode has a weak spot.

🍂He’s also super affectionate, placing little kisses all over you as the soft mumbling continues.

🍂He’s more giggly with you as well. He has such a bubbly laugh that it’s a shame you don’t hear it more often.

🍂In conclusion, Banri + gap moe = cute

Pomegranate

🍂The moment he knew he loved you was on a day out, when the two of you stopped by a coffee shop.

🍂The second your drinks arrived, he whipped out his phone.

🍂“C’mere, we gotta take a pic for the ‘blam.” He says, pulling you closer to him as he flips his phone to the selfie camera.

🍂“Do we have to?” You whine.

🍂“To keep the fans happy.”

🍂“Fine.”

🍂And so, holding your drinks up, you pose as the camera shutters. Immediately after, you turn away to start sipping at your drink.

🍂You may not have been aware of the expression on your face, but Banri was. He was very aware.

🍂It had been a long day, and the way your eyes went from having such a dull look to them to positively lighting up at the first sip; it was such a subtle change, and yet he couldn’t help but find it cute. Not that he’d ever say it, of course.

🍂Despite that, he felt something bubble up inside him. A sort of voice that screamed at him that he needs to be the one to make that happen more often.

🍂Was it love? Would he know?

🍂The feeling turned from a gurgling to a flood of questions and emotions as he continued to stare at you, unaware of his own expression, a soft, caring one.

🍂You turned around to face him at his sudden silence.

🍂“Banri? You okay?”

🍂It was as if your voice had snapped him out of some sort of hypnosis.

🍂“Huh? Wha-? Yeah, ‘m fine. You like what ya got?” He replied, a little flustered.

🍂“Yeah.” You said, a smile finally gracing your features.

🍂“Good.” Banri rubbed your head fondly. Maybe he’d figure out the funny feeling later and enjoy his time with you.

🍂He never ended up posting the pic to Instablam btw. He ended up cherishing it.

Tsuzuru

Rosehip

🖋️He has so much love to give, but it’s never in the most obvious way

🖋️It’s always the little things with him, like allowing himself to let loose and complain a little or taking time out of a busy schedule to take you for a meal.

🖋️And you can’t seem to get enough.

🖋️There’s just something about the way he stumbles over, exhausted, and asks to go out with you to lunch that day that is somehow so endearing.

🖋️Of course, he could have easily gone on his own, but he’d rather go with you, and that just makes every time ten times more special.

🖋️As for affection, that also lies in the little things.

🖋️Holding your hand as he proofreads a script, covering you with a blanket it you fall asleep on the couch, and small forehead kisses at random points are pretty common with him.

🖋️His love is always in small doses, but remains a constant, finding its way into your everyday life and seeping through the cracks of the mundane.

🖋️His love is like going on a walk and finding little dandelions popping up in the cracks of the sidewalk. A small thing, but so bright and constantly surrounding you.

Pomegranate

🖋️He connected the dots about a few months after he met you, when he finally finished a particularly difficult script.

🖋️He had fallen asleep at his laptop this time, where Masumi had messily thrown a blanket over him. Empty packages of instant ramen and mugs surrounded him, each one having been stained with the absurd amount of coffee he had been drinking.

🖋️You knock on the door, jolting him awake.

🖋️“Hrmngh?” He sputters as you walk in.

🖋️“Oh, sorry, did I wake you up?”

🖋️“Nah, you’re fine. I’ve been awake for hours.”

🖋️You knew he was(terribly) lying, noting the blanket around his shoulders and dark circles around his eyes, but didn’t say anything.

🖋️“Well, I’m just checking in. Sakuya said you collapsed earlier, so I wanted to make sure you’re okay. I also brought some curry from Izumi. It’s probably better than the instant ramen Masumi’s been hopping you up on. And I brought a water bottle since I figured you have’t had anything other than coffee, and you know how Azami is about hydration— you good?”

🖋️Tsuzuru was staring at you like you’d grown a second head. A strange feeling washed over him and it was…nice? It felt good to know someone cared so much about him, it just made him want to return the favor. He blinked dumbly before finally snapping out of his trance.

🖋️“Uh, yeah, I’m fine. Thanks for all this. Just set it on the desk.” He replied as calmly as he could.

🖋️“Alright, I trust you to actually eat it.”

🖋️Tsuzuru chuckled. “I will, I will. Thanks again.” He grinned as he ruffled your hair. You blushed a little at the affection, but he could hardly guess as to why(he just thinks of the affection as the Older Brother Instinct).

🖋️“You’re welcome. See ya, then.”

🖋️“Mhm, see ya.”

🖋️The door shut behind you with a click.

🖋️FUUUUUUUUCK. Tsuzuru sank into his chair, his hands combing through his hair.

🖋️This can’t be…can it?

Kazunari

Rosehip

🌺He’s surprisingly traditional when it comes to romance.

🌺He goes on a few dates before declaring you official, doesn’t go too far without your consent, and says a lot of “I love you”s

🌺You know that post that’s like “‘Saying “I love you” too many times makes it lose its meaning’ to YOU. Not to me tho. It actually makes it stronger. I’m building a house out of ‘I love you’s.” Yeah that’s Kazu.

🌺Casual intimacy is a very common thing with him. He’s always touching you in some way.

🌺Whether it’s an arm around you, holding you hand, resting his chin on your shoulder, whatever, he’s attached to you at the hip.

🌺Except for in public, unless he has your consent or is trying to protect you.

🌺“Heya babes! How’s the most perfect being in the world doing?” He’ll typically greet, kissing your cheek.

🌺“Fine, fine. You?” You reply with a giggle.

🌺“Better now that you’re here!” He exclaims with a wink and some finger guns.

🌺You can’t help but laugh harder at his antics. “Love you too.”

🌺He’s the type to use his words to show his love, always coupling with his actions.

���I said this in another request, but he’s got about a thousand pet names for you.

🌺He’s a very lovey and silly boy :)

Pomegranate

🌺It was on one of you dates before you two became official, a thrift shopping date to be precise.

🌺Kazunari had wanted to try the thingy where you both create outfits for each other then wear them to dinner.

🌺You each had taken your outfits to the dressing rooms and changed before you showed them off.

🌺“Okay, we’ll show ‘em to each other on three! One, two…three!”

🌺You turned around after his command, a delighted smile on your face.

🌺Kazu gasped.

🌺“Dude, you look adorbs!!!” He squealed, taking about a million photos of you.

🌺“You think so?”

🌺“I know so! I was the one who picked it out, ya ding dong!”

🌺“Well, it looks great! I love it!”

🌺“I’m glad!”

🌺It was in that giddy moment that Kazunari realized something. He wanted to see you that excited because of him all the time. It was decided. He’d ask you to be his partner that day. It was time.

[arcofacatboy]

is it weird to say i feel like i'm mourning arc of a scythe? like it'd be one thing if the book was actually just not that great n whatnot like harry potter but. the book is actually good. i almost wonder if neil tripped and fell into writing a book with good commentary when he seems to be so incapable of understanding those same things

its not that its nessecarily that its just good, perse, but it made me want to read again. i felt like this series was meant for me, and it permanently affected my taste in books

sorry if it seems like im venting in your askbox its just. im kinda just wondering if my feelings are just felt by me or if others understand

No it’s okay - I’m gonna break some of this down with my own thoughts where I can.

First of all, I can’t really say how you should label your feelings about Neal and his books. I’ve personally tried to avoid using words like mourning or grieving due to the context of why I’m retracting support from Neal in the first place. People, children, are being ruthlessly murdered every day. Me being upset that my (now former) favorite author is completely apathetic towards the victims of genocide will never compare to the grief, pain, and trauma that the people of Gaza and Palestine have been made to face for months now. That doesn’t mean you can’t label your feelings that way! That’s just something I try to keep in mind when talking about Neal myself.

The reason I shifted the focus of this blog, while keeping its original branding, is because I want to at least try to help in a way Neal is refusing to - making his fans aware of the absolutely inhumane treatment of Palestinians at the hands of the Israeli government. Like Neal, I’m by no means an expert on… anything going on right now. I try my absolute best to spread accurate information, but that doesn’t make me a professional or expert. I’m not Israeli, and I’m not Palestinian. I’m a white person living in the relative safety of the USA, who isn’t going to be the target of antisemitism or Islamophobia. I should not be anybody’s primary source of information. But, unlike Neal, I feel like I’m at least doing something, and I want to keep trying to do as much as I can. I’m not trying to one-up Neal here, this isn’t a competition - but I’m saying that all the excuses he’s used for saying nothing could easily be applied to me, and many of the people who have spoken out against him. And yet, here we are.

I haven’t reread Arc Of A Scythe with knowing the additional context that Neal is okay with being completely silent on a genocide, but I have been rereading Dry while keeping that in mind, and, yeah. Neal makes a lot of parallels to real-world crises in that book, and how governments, people in power, and regular people treat them - with where I am in the book right now, everyone not affected by the Tap-Out seems to be completely apathetic and not concerned, because the Tap-Out hasn’t made their life any worse… so it can just be swept under the rug while the people of Southern California lose access to potable water. Literally most of my notes are pointing out how hypocritical Neal is being with his commentary - he’s doing things right now that he portrays as bad things to do in the book. The most egregious example so far is linked here.

So, I can’t say why Neal has taken the stance that he has right now. There’s no point in speculating if he was always this performative in his activism, or if he’s fallen into the Israeli propaganda trap, because it ultimately doesn’t matter. He’s being ignorant and harmful, and he deserves to be condemned for that either way.

You’re not alone in how you feel, I think - a lot of former/current AOAS fans have been really thrown for a loop by Neal’s shit. We have to move forward from here, but no one person can tell you how to do that. (Also, none of this was me trying to be rude or disrespectful, so I’m sorry if it came off that way. One adjustment I’ve had to make for this blog is not talking like a YouTube shitpost, so my tone probably seems a little different from posts I made pre-“Neal being a colonialist sympathizer”.)

P.S about the Harry Potter thing: I’m not sure what you mean by “not that great”, but I agree with you there. There’s so much “not that great” stuff in Harry Potter that the average person doesn’t even know about - the entire franchise is rooted in these really weird ideas about race, class, and a million other things, so it’s bad beyond “oh the goblins are antisemitic caricatures and the author is a terf”. Those things are still extremely bad, don’t get me wrong. But if you want to know more about how bigotry permeates into every part of the franchise - not just the movies, books, and Hogwarts Legacy! - I recommend this video essay by Lily Simpson. It’s ten hours long, but definitely worth a watch. (Yes I did watch the entire thing over like, a week this summer.)