#this is a week late (my bad) but hopefully i'll have part 5 tomorrow

[shakingparadigm]

What if Luka expects Hyuna to come like she did in his round with Mizi and he is plotting something.He has the trust of aliens,the love of the public and no one would suspect him to do something outside the box,far from the image he created of himself.Hyuna made her appearence in round 5 when we didn't expected it. If the round isn't entirely dedicated to Ivan and Till,this may be an option.He may confront Mizi and Hyuna,they may not be able to rescue Ivan and Till and not make it in time. Luka may not appear at all.

(Me overthinking things: OMG Akugetsu will cover Hyuna's song this must mean something | The other me: OMG I can't wait,this song literally suits him!)

(I like the style of your drawings,the way you use colors and the way you phrase things! When something about ALNST comes out I just wait for your updates! I can't imagine what will happen on tumblr when round 6 is out. And then all of us will wait for the next one over again XD)

Till the end.

TILL... the end...

Ok this is the worst joke I could ever make.

Oohh. Luka appearing in ROUND 6 would honestly be insane. I thought about him making an appearance in the short teaser scene before credits, but if he actually confronted anyone himself that would be so interesting. Imagine all 6 of them in the same episode... the same room... no way... the Alien Stage would be real...

Luka attempting to sabotage Mizi and Hyuna is such an intriguing concept. I do think he's figured out that Hyuna will be returning, he grew up with her, after all. He's most likely aware of her penchant for protecting people. He probably expects Mizi to come back for the only friends she has left, too. He couldn't do anything the first time he saw Hyuna after ROUND 5, but he might be more eager to get his hands on her now. If we get our first adult Hyuna and Luka interaction during ROUND 6 I'd actually go insane. as much as I hope for it though, I'm not sure whether or not it will actually happen. ROUND 6 already has a lot going for it. A final confession of love already makes for a heavy episode, but with Till's newly revealed backstory added to the mix? Mizi and Hyuna's attempt at a jailbreak? The whole video would probably need an entire week to be processed and even comprehended, especially if they want to go into extensive detail on each aspect. Still, though, if Luka interfered... if Mizi and Hyuna were unable to save anyone and had to defeatedly return to the rebellion base carrying the weight of their failure, well, I DON'T THINK I'D BE REACHABLE FOR AT LEAST 10 BUSINESS DAYS I'd have to go into hiding in order to cope with that. But who knows! The fun part about VIVINOS videos is that they're always gonna leave you fucked up in one way or another!

AKUGETSU COVERING ALL-IN. TILL COVERING HYUNA'S SONG. I've posted so many times about this day holy shit its finally real. It really does suit him! Do you think AKUGETSU is

1) hinting that Till is joining the rebellion

or

2) giving us the All-In cover as compensation for whatever bad thing is going to happen to Till

(or a secret third thing: he literally just did it for fun and we've just gone insane.)

Ahh thank you so much for enjoying my stuff! I'm so happy, everyone's been really nice to me as of late and I don't know what to doooo hahaha I'm just really glad to share everyone's excitement for ALIEN STAGE :)

You wait for my updates??!! oh no I'm so sorry 😭 I'm quite late at times because I've had some stuff going on (I've barely said anything about the April Fools actor au 😭) but hopefully I'll be free to go absolutely nuts after the release of ROUND 6 tomorrow!! If you're ever in need of someone to scream about ROUND 6 with my inbox is always open!! Thank you for your kind words!!

Can't wait till I get to hear from you again! :)

[zinder-fox]

Got my bingo card today for the Summer Fic Reading Challenge of 2024. Just for fun, I think I'll post updates on my progress and links to the fics I ended up reading. For anyone that doesn't want to see these, feel free to filter out the tag: 'zinder's sfrc 2024' [I'm planning to tag all of these updates with that for anyone who doesn't really care.]

Here's the bingo card I'm starting with and the fics I've marked off from the last ~6-6.5 hours.

#5 - Is Not for Comfort, but for Liberation - My Hero Academia (DabiHawks) [Words: 6,794] This one is part 5 of a series (The Truth). I've gotten through 6 or 7 of them with plans to keep reading the rest.

#8 - Wait, you're dating a twink? - Apothecary Diaries (JinMao) [Words: 1,483]

#18 - fig tea accusations - Bungo Stray Dogs (SSKK) [Words: 3,772]

#20 - It's Time For Another Good Idea, Bad Idea - Solo Leveling (Jin-Woo/Jin-Chul) [Words: 70,538]

I almost definitely will not be marking off squares this quickly in the future, but part of that is because I have ideas for a few of the squares that will take time to read, even for me. For the crossover fic, I'm thinking about finally catching up on a very, very long crossover series whose final fic I haven't started yet, but to do so I think I'll want to re-read it from the very beginning... and it's almost 700k words posted right now, so that'll be an undertaking if I end up committing to it.

Total Wordcount: 82,587

Some notes below on my writing for those following me for that.

This challenge will probably slow me down writing a bit as I really haven't done much fic reading in the last 6 months in favor of that, but I've been struggling a bit lately to actually focus and write. So, I'm hoping that getting back into reading as well will help inspire the same kind of writing drive I had at the start of the year.

So for anyone following me for 'open my eyes to everything (there must be something more)' I WILL still be working on it throughout. It is definitely not being forgotten.

Also - I have plans to post chapter 18 - probably tomorrow - out of my buffer so hopefully that will help appease everyone who has been suffering from the cliffhanger for the last 2 weeks. I don't have any real timeline for updates and won't make promises for when chapter 19 will end up posting, but I am something like 30% through chapter 22, so hopefully not too long.

[broke-on-books]

About ready to kill a bitch

I hate you Ms. ****** I hate you I hate you I hate you

You DONT make your homework policy clear so I have NO idea if it's being graded or not or if just the online ones are being graded and if just the online ones are then I'm screwed because they count it as a 0% if you do it late and even if not I have a really bad track record with the ones online because the website you use is GARBAGE and only gives you two tries and doesn't accept the format we use in class so I'll put the right answer in and then it'll grade it wrong because I fucked up the formatting and I'm working on the one I missed rn and I'm doing SO bad I'm fucked and have lost it twice already plus jts almost 10pm at night and I still have the other one which is homework due tomorrow so I feel like I have to do it bc what if doing it late screws me over bc I have a 95 in you class but if you decide to put in a whole semesters worth of homework at once I'm fucked bc AGAIN mid year grades go out in a week and half your class is seniors so that's NOT fair and also we asked abt if you graded homework back in DECEMBER and you said you would explain your policy later and then you DIDNT and like I understand you had cancer and everything but that's not cool and I need to know if I'm going to be screwed over or not and I'm probably just freaking out for nothing bc hopefully it won't kill my A and my no. 1 choice prolly won't see mid year anyways bc I did EA (although I wish they fucking did, my grades and courses this year are like 10× better than every other year combined and I'm really mad abt that but just like aaaagggghhhhhhhhhhhhhrrrrrrrrggggggggg

🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕

Trying to decide if I should just say fuck it or not

Like its 10pm and to actually finish this at the rate I'm going it'd probably take 2 hours and like 5 crying breakdowns

I may just say a fuck you Ms. ****** and move on

I may leave it and hope that my friend whose grade is really on the edge and did really garbage on the online homeworks (the paper ones are fine!!!!!! I literally did all of the paper and turned it in on time*! It's literally just the online garbage which is <5% our total hw) will fight the battle for me

*ish

The worst part is that she's actually a good math teacher and a nice lady. Just with this one thing in particular she's been unclear and is about to screw over like 60% of her class 🤬

[2023-records]

Day 6 __ Fri Jan 6

Wellp, got out of bed at 10:30am instead of 9am to walk Mai and feed her, but she tends to enjoy staying in bed in the mornings. So I don't feel as bad. Worked out last night from 9:30pm-12am. Surprisingly, there were still a good amount of people at the gym. I noticed that people in San Leandro tend to hit the gym later during after-work hours. SJ and Fremont 24s' peak hours usually start around 4pm, but San Leandro's peak hours are around 5/6pm.

Today I actually cooked all of my carrots, mushrooms, and bokchoy! Chopped some purple onion and a ton of garlic. I sauteed everything separately and then mixed in oyster sauce, pepper, soy sauce, and sesame oil. Some bomb stuff but I may have put too much sesame oil. A couple hours after eating, my stomach was going crazy. If someone stood next to me, they would hear the rumbling start from my mid-stomach to my butt. I basically had the shits again and pooped in my bathroom. Why do I have to have stomach digestive problems right before a tournament?! Hopefully, I'll be fine by tomorrow since we make our drive at 8am. I'm bringing my Tums everywhere I go now.

Mai and I went on a shorter distance walk this morning since she was spooked by the wind. She couldn't seem to shake the fear so I stopped the walk short and we headed back. As soon as we got back, she fell asleep. That might have been a stress-relieving sleep. While she slept, I turned on a wind video on YouTube so that she can slowly get desensitized. Poor baby, but she'll get over it in no time!

I need to pack LOL It's currently 8:15pm. I should probably shower by 10pm and sleep no later than midnight. That'll still give me enough sleep, but I can always sleep on the ride down to Socal. I'm pretty excited to be playing in a tournament out of town, but I feel slightly concerned about the socializing aspect with my team coordinator. I still can't tell if she likes me or not... Or maybe she doesn't know if I like her? I guess I always felt like I didn't want to get to know her since she never really trusted me to be on the starting lineup against good teams. I would play but against weaker teams and it didn't really make me feel good whenever I made points since they felt too easy. This time around, with 7 players on the team, I will get playing time the entire time. This way, I can showcase my all-around skills and prove that I can be a reliable starter.

A huge part of me wants to drink Saturday just because I haven't seen my teammates since September. However, I already know that that would be an irresponsible idea as it would affect my playing the next morning. I shall hold myself to only 2 beers or seltzers early on in the day. I bought magnesium pills from Costco to see if that would help with my frequent cramping during tournaments. I'll also be pairing this with LiquidIV and carbohydrate + potassium-filled snacks. If magnesium is the key to my cramping, I will be so ecstatic since I had been dreading the cramps days before tournaments.

Mikel and I Facetimed again today! Day 2! We've agreed to try to Facetime every day since I had been feeling down on myself lately. Maybe this feeling came from having to watch Shumai misbehave so often during the day, that I need to see something that makes me happy and feel at ease: Mikel. Typing this out now made me realize that when you surround yourself with something negative, your mentality develops that negativity. In this case, it's Shumai's misbehaving that really affects me since I like to see quick changes in action. A few weeks ago I changed my mentality and became more patient with doggo. We were making progress, however, I could feel how every Thursday I resume taking care of Mai (day after Youki watches Shumai), Shumai reverts back to her bad habits. In a way, I've kind of given up trying my hardest to train Mai because in the end, she's not really my dog and I'm just watching over her for Youki. Thinking deeper, I probably won't want to move in with her if she buys a house soon. Hopefully after this next coaching season, she will rethink freeing up her work schedule in order to take care of Shumai more often. Eventually, I will need more time to study.

[soyforramen]

Part 4: (Parts 1-3 Here)

“The first thing you have to do is figure out your classes.”

It was only Forsythe’s second day in this new world, and J.B.’s voice rings out in his head, reminding him of all the things he needed to do to seem normal.  They’d cracked the case about the locked phone (J.B.’s birthday of all things; “Seven: My brother would never forget my birthday”) and the laptop (Jughead’s full name, of all things, still a closely guarded secret in the books; it turned out Forsythe Jones and Forsythe Pendleton Jones III shared more than just a last name). Now he just had to figure out the rest of it.

He stares at the journal in front of him – a sparkling pink eye sore, regifted to him by a grinning J.B. With her help he’d been able to string together some of what had already happened in Riverdale. Between the text messages on the phone and Veronica’s Sharebook page, Forsythe has narrowed down where they were in the story. If he’s right, they were somewhere between book two, ‘Homecoming Hero’, and book three, ‘Mystery at Sisters of Quiet Mercy’.

It's now mid-September, which means Archie has already made first-string on the football team, but he hasn’t yet had Thanksgiving dinner at the boxing gym. Veronica’s father should be getting out of prison sometime in mid-December, just in time for the holidays, and Reggie’s family would be gearing up for their annual car-liquidation at the dealership.  Betty was all consumed with her classwork – 18 hours as a journalism major while volunteering at the local homeless shelter and interning at her parents’ newspaper – so there hadn’t been much of her storyline in that book.

Jughead was also largely absent from the book save for a thin plot about rekindling his friendship with the odd-ball Dilton. Forsythe circles the strange teen’s name and drew a string of question marks next to it. Whatever it was that they’d gotten up to it was enough to drive a temporary wedge between Jughead and Archie. There was speculation that the author had just forgotten about Jughead halfway through writing the book, never meaning for him to be anything more than a background character, but his popularity with the fans pushed him to share center stage with the red-headed heart-throb for the rest of their time at college.

With a start, Forsythe realizes he’ll have to attend classes tomorrow. He glances over at the stack of science text books still laying on the floor. There’s no way he’ll ever be able to fake his way through that. Opening the laptop, he scrolls through the school’s calendar. By some stroke of providence, tomorrow is the last day to drop class for a full refund. He jots down the information he needs, where to go, what classes to drop and which classes to pick up; after all, if – no, when – the real Jughead came back, he could easily resume his regular coursework. Sans a few humanities classes that is.

Forsythe lays back down onto the tiny bed, his feet dangling off the end, and yawns. Who knew being a fictional character would be so time consuming?

As he closes his eyes, he wonders whether he’ll wake up in his world, or whether he’ll still be stuck in Riverdale.

xxx

The next day, armed with a carafe full of coffee and an energy bar, Forsythe manages to change enough classes around in order to keep Jughead’s FAFSA loans. It does mean picking up a senior level class on Langston Hughes, but at least literary greats were in Forsythe’s wheelhouse. Twenty minutes later, he finds himself sitting in front of what he hopes is the right classroom, typing up a storm on the connection between monetary deprivation and physical lust, sprinkling in just enough blunt conclusions to make it seem as if Reggie had more than a brief understanding of the book. 

He glances up when a blonde sits down next to him, and she gives him a tired grin, opening up her own laptop.  Thankfully he recognizes her from his near constant scrolling through Veronica’s online photos. At least, he thinks he does.

“Hard at work already? What’s Reggie paying you in these days, stocks of Nabsico?” she teases.

Once more he’s struck by the association between Jughead and food – an ongoing comedic bit in the books – and whether his friends really understand the economic situation of the Jones’. For such a close friend group it’s strange how little they seem to know about each other.

“Hey, Bets,” he says, the name strange in his mouth.

She starts and glances at him, a line forming between her brows. Her voice is soft when she speaks “You haven’t called me that in years.”

Forsythe shrugs. He turns back to his laptop to hide his embarrassment at such a simple faux pas. Jughead and Betty don’t really get close until book four when they investigate the disappearance of Cheryl Blossom’s twin brother; before that they’re more acquaintances than friends.

“Sorry, I guess I was just feeling nostalgic.”

“No, I like it,” she says with a smile. She stares at him for a little too long, and Jughead wipes at the corner of his mouth self-consciously.

“Where’s your beanie?” she asks.

His hand flies up to his head, and he curses himself for such a rookie mistake. Jughead’s beanie was infamous. Thousands of fans had made their own version to wear proudly at every book launch; it was the lynchpin of all the romantic fanfiction centering around Jughead; it was as iconic as Betty’s ponytail.

“I.. uh –“

“Jug, Bets, how are we today?” Reggie says as he saunters into their conversation, unwittingly saving Forsythe from an uncomfortable lie.

“I’m fine. How are you?” Betty asks warily.

Forsythe nods his head and returns to his laptop, eager to tune them out and focus on the one thing he can control in this situation. He’s banged out another half page when Reggie waves his hand in front of the screen. Students swarm around them as the class lets out, and Forsythe closes his laptop roughly.

“We still on for Saturday?” Reggie asks. He shifts his gaze towards Betty and grins. “Wouldn’t want to miss our first big college party.”

Betty rolls her eyes and stands up carefully, her laptop balanced in the crook of her arm. “You mean you wouldn’t want to miss your first shot at Veronica without Archie around.”

“Don’t be like that Betty baby,” Reggie coos, slinging his arm around her shoulders and walking her into the classroom. “Besides, it's a win-win for you too. With Ronnie out of the picture you get Archie all to yourself come Sunday.”

She snorts. “As if. He’ll won’t have eyes for anyone other than some cute cheerleader he meet at the game. Besides, who said I wanted Archie all to myself? Maybe I have eyes for someone else now,” she teases, slipping into a seat at the front of the room.

Reggie collapses into the seat behind her, a hand over his heart. “Never such a sweet confession have I heard,-” he says dramatically, raising his other hand to his forehead, “ - the arrow from such ruby lips doth pierce my soul.”

“What’s that from, ‘How to Pick Up Chicks or Die Trying?’” Forsythe quips as he passes them both to take a seat at the back of the room.

“Hah! You wish,” Reggie shoots back. “Only a true connoisseur of romance can speak so soft and sweet.”

“Well then, Mr. Mantle, perhaps you can enlighten us on Felix’s own romantic notions at Clochegourde?” the professor, an older woman in her fifties, says as she takes her place at the lectern.

Forsythe settles down in his chair and, with a smidge of guilty pleasure, watches Reggie try to squirm his way out of this one.

Xxx

“Jones, thank god you’re here,” Tabitha says when he walks into Pop’s that evening. She tosses him her keys and picks up a full tray of food. “Throw your stuff in the office, grab an apron, and scrub up. I need you in the back, now.”

“Helluva day to quit drinking,” Forsythe mutters to himself.

Dutifully, he follows her instructions and in minutes he’s back on the grill. At the sight of the old industrial range his entire body relaxes. He cut his teeth in the back of diners like this, paying his dues as a line cook years ago. His reverie is cut short, though, when Tabitha rounds the corner like hell on wheels.

“I don’t have time to train you,” she says quickly, flipping over the burgers already on the grill, “but you’ve eaten almost everything on the menu by now and know what goes on what. Cooler’s through that door, fryer’s behind you – set the time to five minutes or it’ll burn – and watch out for Rosemary, she’s got a temper today.”

Tabitha gives him a quick, tired grin and runs back out of the kitchen as another customer comes in. Forsythe glances at the string of orders and cracks his knuckles, ready to get to work. It’s not until three hours later that Tabitha comes back in to check on him with a cup of coffee in her hand.

“I thought you said this was your first job?” she asks, handing him the mug.

Forsythe takes a sip and winces at the heat from the mug and from her question. 

“It is, but I cook a lot at home. And watch a lot of MeTube cooking videos.”

“Right. Because they’re so similar.”

She stares at him and he forces himself not to fidget.

“I also helped Pop’s out some during high school. When things were rough,” he says, dropping his eyes to the cup.

Forsythe doesn’t know whether this is a lie in this world, but it certainly wasn’t in his life. It was a trade after his parent died; a small, eight-year-old bussing tables for a warm meal and a cot in the back, out of the rain. He’ll always be grateful to his own Pop for taking him in and, after a week of living at the diner, bringing him into the family as his own son.

Tabitha places a warm hand on his arm, the touch sending goosebumps along his skin. “He was always good at picking up strays,” she says, eyes glistening. “Sometimes I wish he was still here, helping me out, instead of living it up in Boca Raton. He claims he’s a lady killer there.”

Forsythe barks out a laugh. “I’m sure he is. He’s had a lot of practice dealing with the moms of Riverdale.”

“Now on E!,” Tabitha adds.

A bell rings, and she sighs, tightening her apron strings. “It never ends.”

Forsythe picks up the coffee cup and relishes the comfort it brings. It’s the first moment of peace he’s had since he’d arrived in this world, and he’s grateful to Tabitha for taking a chance on him. It doesn’t last, though, as Tabitha slides another two papers across the small window. He glances at it, then picks up the spatula and gets back to work.

[hotchley]

hey sumayyah! i saw your sign!! I'm writing the JJ & Emily parts of the really out of the blue and shitty mini-whatever it is 💀 and hopefully I'll figure out how to shorten it or something lmaoo

but i wanted to come here and talk for awhile i guess

it's like, 2am where i am right now and I'm just so drained mentally like idk i can't seem to focus on getting all my work done (school work) and i just submitted a fake corrupted file to pass off as my homework because i haven't been able to finish it (it's not graded or anything it's just 2 biology practice papers for revision for the upcoming exam but they're really long & biology is not my strong subject......)

like I'm 60-70% done on both papers and yeah i feel so bad for doing what i did and i am still planning on finishing those 2 papers (both as legitimate practice/revision & just in case my teachers do check and decide to ask me to resubmit/send them the file through another channel) and idk i obviously can't really talk to any one in school about this so i came here.... sorry for this bout of negativity i just feel so drained inside and it's not even the first time.... I'm on my break right now (mid years break) but my break is ending in roughly 4-5 more days? and I've felt unmotivated and horrible throughout the entire break idk :/ idk if this is just burn out or something else.... I've been planning on finding a therapist/professional to talk to? but 1. i can't exactly do it "openly" because i come from a rather conservative family and mental health issues (& sexuality etc) aren't things we talk about in my family.... and 2. I'm still a full-time student & I'm not sure of what services are available + the costs and all the other concerns? so like idk I'm not even sure where to start :(

and because I've been feeling like cr*p most of the time the last 3 weeks, I've done absolutely nothing & so i have TONS of school assignments piled up (those that were due during the break I've finished (somehow lmao) and submitted, but those that are due AFTER the break when school reopens.... i have completely not touched) & the worst thing is I'm not even entirely sure what's my entire workload.... so i definitely have to start seriously getting my work done from tomorrow (technically today) onwards.... but like i genuinely have a hard time focusing on work and I'm not sure if it's just my issues with procrastination or if i have a genuine illness or something and i don't want to self diagnose so I've been trying to not think about this but lately it's been so hard because i can't even finish my work on time and exams are coming and it's just really affecting me? and it's getting worse? i don't even have anyone i can truly talk to about this irl too and SKDJSKSNS idk 😭😭

i am SO SORRY for all the negativity!!!!! i just felt so alone and really had to vent somewhere i am so sorry, feel free to delete this ask if you're uncomfortable 🥺

i hope you're having a much better day/night and i love you ❤️ your blog (& cm Tumblr) is really giving me hope & keeping me alive, if i can put it that way 🥺♥️♥️ thank you for being you, and thank you for simply existing. I'm sorry things got so depressing all of a sudden lmao I'll be fine (eventually, probably)

- 🌙

I feel like my answer got long, so I put it under the cut :)

YAY!

Also, I did see this when you initially sent it, but I'm working on boundaries and priorities, which is why I didn't answer it then- I just needed a break <3

Look, you're learning during a pandemic that has disrupted everything and caused a lot of pain and stress. One corrupted file does not make you a bad student. You're still going to try.

There were so many days during lockdown where I just... didn't submit any work, and then I would submit it later saying the thing broke- which seemed believable because the thing we used never functioned properly.

And we cannot be happy or perfect all the time. Sometimes we need to share our problems. I have always said you can talk to me, it just may take me a few days depending on my own situation, and I stand by that.

Sometimes breaks just make us more miserable. Sometimes it is just genuinely a phase that you will snap out of. Sometimes it isn't. Either way, you need to let yourself feel this. Don't try and bury it. That'll be worse.

So when it comes to therapists, if you've been thinking of seeing one, go for it. Chances are, it'll help.

I get what you mean. I don't know what it's like where you are, but in England, everyone over 16 has control over the medical stuff. That basically means your parents cannot be told what you're doing, and you can do things without their knowledge. If I wanted to make an appointment, I wouldn't need to tell them I was making it, or what was discussed. Neither can the doctors.

I asked one of my friends (I have consent to share this), and she said that she went through the BetterHelp website, and that it's really helping her. Now I know BetterHelp had some real serious problems, so I would be cautious, but that is one option. Hers is between £50-£60 a session, but there were cheaper options.

You could also go through your school!! My school has what is called a "well-being practitioner" who you can just go and see when you're feeling down, and it all remains confidential UNLESS they think intervention is needed. So you could see if there are any sessions they do, or if there's any help you can get from them :)

I have seen SO, SO many teachers on TikTok recently say two things: ask them for help if you need it, and they will give it, and just do something. I don't know what you're teachers are like, but they're probably stressed and burnt out too. If you need an extension or a break or help, they'll do their best.

And if you can't do everything, then just do one thing. Do your favourite subject, or the easiest thing. I know people say do the hardest thing first because then everything gets easier, but the one time I did that, I started crying and I gave up for a good three days so...

If you've done extensive research, then maybe it is something, and if you think that there is that, then you should try and get tested <3 and it's okay if there really is nothing. Sometimes brains are weird

You don't ever have to apologise for being human <3 Remember how I mentioned crying for twenty minutes to my history teacher? I said the same thing to him: that I feel bad talking about these things because everyone has their own problems. His response was: well yes, but there are so many people that want to help you. And they would tell you if you were being a burden.

You need to trust that. And it's hard. It's painful. It's difficult. But I promise you, telling someone will always be better than bottling it up- and this comes from the person that was pissed for six weeks because I got a phone call home from someone higher up because previously mentioned history teacher told them that I was not doing great

I love you too!!

And sometimes life gets you down! That's okay! Things will get better! Maybe this isn't healthy, but my thing is: things will work out, and things will get better because they need to, and I refuse to believe I am living a life where they won't.

You will be fine! I have every faith in you!!

[pbandjesse]

Today was a pretty good day. There was a big stressful part of the beginning but the majority of the day was very good. There was even a special surprise. And yoga.

I slept super poorly last night. I couldn't fall asleep for forever because I felt sick and nauseous and bad. And then when I did fall asleep I woke up a few times again. Air conditioner turned off in the middle of the night and James rollover next to me and I woke up just horribly uncomfortable. He wouldn't turn the air conditioning back on that because he always takes care of me. And I was able to sleep until about 7.

James was awake and told me I could keep sleeping but I didn't really want to. I wanted to lay there so I just played on my phone for a while. And then I got up. I got cleaned up and dressed and I felt okay.

I hung in my hammock for a little bit and then James told me he made a waffle. And I was like okay. And I was confused because he had asked me what I wanted for breakfast last night and I said I was going to have the avocado scramble thing I made the other day. And then he remembered that after he made the waffle and felt very bad. But it was fine. He made the thing I wanted and he had the waffle for breakfast instead.

I got the best boyfriend.

We hung out for a while and then left to go to the bus. James walked me there. And then bus proceeded not to show up for almost a half an hour. I was very frustrated. Because it was supposed to be there at 9: 30 but it didn't come until almost 9:50. And we had been there since 920. So I was very stressed out and I hate being late!! I texted Tiffany and let her know and I was just very distressed.

I was about 15 minutes late in the end. Sucks. I'm going to try to get an earlier bus tomorrow. So even if it runs late I will hopefully have the same issue. Because seriously we were three blocks away from access art and our bus driver saw someone on the street that he knew and he park the bus and got off to go have a conversation with him. I was losing my mind.

But I got there and everyone was fine. We're just lesson planning so it wasn't like I was missing anything yet but I hate being late. We all kind of bullshitted and talked for a little bit and then the teacher from holistic Life Center came.

He was a really nice guy. He told really funny stories and he was young and covered in tattoos and wearing a Orioles yoga shirt. He mostly talked about mindfulness. A little bit of yoga. And we learned a lot about breathing exercises. I felt very Vindicated and validated about the types of breathing exercises I already do with the kids when they're upset or hurt. But I learned some really interesting ones today. Specifically that I breathe wrong and I'm trying to retrain myself but it's very hard. It was very enjoyable even though I hated sitting in the folding chairs for that long. My feet don't reach the ground and it's uncomfortable.

But we also played a couple mindfulness games at the end of that was cool. Stuff that we can use in the classroom and it's awesome. I'm really glad that we were able to do that.

We had a late lunch. Marcus went down the street and got me a spring roll. Was very good. And I worked on my lesson plan. Almost out. I think I'll probably end up finishing it tomorrow. And then I'll go back in and make sure it's all good. I also think I want to use a couple other visual things for the classroom. And maybe add some tutorial images of some kind. We have tomorrow and Friday to finish lesson plans. And even with my brain breaks where I sketched tattoo ideas I still got a lot done.

While I was taking a break on my lesson plan I was looking at eBay and I got a crazy good deal on a Furby buddy. Something that I've been trying to get for 2 months now there's a little plush versions of the Furbies. I don't absolutely love them but people use them to make the long Furbies. And I'd like to try my hand at that. And I got one for $5. Usually they go for $35 to $40. I am very excited. I think I'm going to use it slightly as part of my example for my quilt making lesson. I'm going to make its belly pattern based off of Victorian crazy quilts. I'm very excited.

At 3 we finished up. We all decided on which weeks we should be teaching our lessons and when. Was decided that my quilt project would go first which makes me slightly nervous but it's probably a good idea. Because it's community building project we're going to kind of have all the kids get out there art things right away before they jump into other projects and I think that will work out nicely.

And then me and fitsum went home. His driving kind of makes me nauseous. Lot of fast speed up and then stopping. But we had a nice conversation about capitalism and its downfalls. And talked about apartments because he's moving as well. We saw a couple meet cars that we pointed out and talked about. It was a good time.

He dropped me off and I made some food. Did a couple packing things. Made a pile of the furniture and getting rid of. And just kind of hung out. Me and James were going to have dinner together but I kind of just wanted to be by myself a little bit. My dad's going to come visit this weekend and he's going to take the bed. So really these are the last couple days I'm ever going to live alone if all goes according to plan. And it feels very strange. I've lived alone for a long time. But I am excited. Nervous but excited.

I was just kind of chilling. Even though it was too humid in here to call it chilling. Playing Animal Crossing and watching videos. And then I decided to go check the mail.

I was excited because I had a package. But then I saw that there was a letter in there as well from the Minneapolis Apartment project. Which means it's from the class action settlement. Which means it's a check. When we won the settlement last year they said that we would get all of our rent back. But of course it was going to go into appeals. So we would probably just get a portion of our rent back. And honestly getting any amount of money from living in those apartments would be fine. But I was so nervous about opening this check. So he opened my package first. And it was socks! very exciting. I was looking forward to those socks. They're black and they have little hearts on them.

But I couldn't put off opening the check any longer. And I did and if I did my math right I thought about nine months worth of rent back. And the checks that this might not be the only check. That I might get more? Like after all the lawyers and fees are paid if there's anything left over there going to send another check. That's wild. And like all of my money stress. The $40 me and James got scammed out of the other day. James his bike breaking. Moving. All of it. This kind of feels like a buffer. We don't have to worry about it now. Least for a while. And I'm making more money and if he gets this job he's going to be at making more money. And even if he doesn't get this job he's going to keep looking until he does get something good. Don't have to be so stressed out and nickel-and-diming ourselves all the time. it's exciting. It feels Like the universe is telling me everything's going to be okay. That means using my white privilege to help make the lives of my neighbors and Minneapolis better is being rewarded. And that sometimes being a good person and trying to help other people does pay off in the end. And sometimes in cash.

I kind of didn't know what to say when I open the check. So I called James and let him know. And then I called my dad. We talked about taxes and he's going to check with the tax lady to make sure that I have put enough aside next year. I don't want to have an issue. But yeah it's exciting. And it was good to hear dad. He sounds a lot better. And he's looking forward to coming on Sunday and I'm looking forward to having him here. We're going to patch holes but hopefully we'll also do something else. Maybe we'll eat some good food and maybe we'll go see something interesting. Unsure of what yet but I'll figure that out.

I called Jess next to let her know. And she was very excited for me. And then I went back to packing. I brought more stuff from the basement. I broke down all of my Furby boxes. I don't know why I'm keeping them but it feels weird to throw them away. So flat in the Middle East to put them in storage. And I use the box that I have been storing them in to put kitchen stuff in. Paper towels and Ziploc bags. That one bottle of alcohol I always have. And then I took a shower. I painted my toenails and I'm just watching videos and enjoying my night.

Back to lesson planning tomorrow. And then I think falafels with James. No matter what it's going to be a good day. I can feel it. Hope you all have a good night tonight. Be kind to each other. Go out of your way for someone else. Don't expect anything in return. Good night

[sw4tch]

I had a horrifying experience while showering today

So for the past 2 days I've had fevers, and I've had to take some pills to keep it under control

Which means I've felt absolutely terrible lately. Like, straight up like a walking dead.

Anyway i was hoping to have a normal shower but the stupid ass water pressure and temperature wasn't working correctly, so i had to fight for my life to have the tiniest stream of warm water available to wash myself with

So far, bad, but not terrible yet

Anyway after 30 minutes of suffering with this, the water finally goes back to normal and i finish my shower without struggling

Or so i hoped.

As i was just letting the water wash away the last residues of soap, i felt weird.

Like, "something bad is about to happen" weird

Next thing i know, there's a ringing in my ears and I'm going blind

Or like, my vision was getting fucked up, parts of it were dark and spotty

I felt nauseous and weak

And of course i was freaking out because i was going BLIND

So while trying not to collapse on the shower, i just somehow covered myself in my towel and grabbed my stuff before getting out (but i felt so weak and disoriented, the dark was too dark and the bright lights were too bright for my eyes)

And somehow i stumbled back to my room to collapse on my bed, breathing heavily and wanting to cry bcus wtf???? Wtf????? Wtf!!!!!!

And my vision was still spotty and weird and i felt i was going to die, i was so afraid i would get a heart attack or something while naked

Anyway i thought that maybe my family's diabetes curse had finally caught up to me so i got up and ate a small chocolate i had lying around and chewed for my life

I ate 2 for good measure

And i kept being weak and disoriented on my bed for like 5 minutes before it mostly passed

But my limbs were BUZZING and it was hard to move them easily

So i kept being in bed, trying to regain a normal control of my hands

By this point the worst of the blindness had gone away, so i just started thinking wtf it could have been

So the only explanations i have so far are:

- diabetes

- one of the bones in my back chewed on a nerve

- food poisoning (bcus of some questionable chicken)

And so far I'm hoping it's the food poisoning??? But mostly it has to do with these never ending fevers that come daily now. Their cause it's a mystery to me, but hopefully they'll go away soon or I'll have to go to the hospital lmfao...

Not looking forward to this escalating.

So yeah i just needed to write it down because it was genuinely something that made me want to curl up and cry because no one was around to help.

Now that i think about it, this happened (the blindness for a few seconds) once when i was younger

I was jumping rope as a workout, and i got too into it and then i got dizzy and stopped

Then for a few seconds, my vision went spotty and i got blind before it went back to normal just like now

Horrifying. Maybe i should add high blood pressure to the suspects list????

Anyway, it was triple scary and frustrating because i had promised friends to go out to a concert with them- And i couldn't cancel on them the day of the concert.

So i was like "fuck am i going to die, naked, AND also by disappointing my friends????"

I struggled so badly to get there, i still felt a bit bad when i got there, but after sitting down for a few minutes i felt much better through it all

It was a damn good orchestral concert

I still wish i could have stayed to rest after that horrible experience though.

If i dont feel better at 1pm tomorrow, im saying fuck it and going to the hospital

My medicine can't last an entire week like this if it keeps happening

Sigh

So yep, that's a life update for you.

Things get better, and then they get worse, as always, like a never ending rollercoaster

Oh universe, why must you curse me like this

[pbandjesse]

I looked over my post last night and a couple of those sentences were absolutely incomprehensible. One of them started with the word bacon. I usually am watching while doing this type to text thing but sometimes I don't even know what it's doing. Sorry if more posts have been like that. I'll try to be more careful in the future.

If there is a future. Because Tumblr seems to be dying. With this new announcement that not safe for work posts are going to be deleted and that it seems like some posts are already getting flagged as inappropriate that have no nudity in them While others that have lots of nudity in them are fine. I worry about losing this platform and all of my posts. I've tried to back this up in the past but because I have almost 8 years of content I haven't been able to find something that can hold all of that information. What I would like to do is just back up the text posts. The photo post that have text on them that is. But I can't seem to figure out how to do that. Hopefully just want you to realize I found can be some help. Since I don't have a computer right now I don't really know how I'm going to be able to back it up. But hopefully when I go home for Christmas I can figure something out on the desktop computer. We'll see.

Today was pretty nice. I tried to use my morning as best I could. I woke up around 7:30 without an alarm. And while I stayed in bed until 8 I feel pretty good. It was just cold in here. Once I got the heat on and it warmed up I was able to get up easily. Easily enough. I washed up and got dressed. Fed sweet pea. And then I made a list for groceries and I liked over to Eddie's. I got some stuff and quarters to do laundry. And then I came back home. I made an omelet. And collected plastic bags for the kids project today. I basically rewrote my whole lesson plan in my head on the ride there when I caught the bus. But it's going to be a much better project now.

The morning was nice. And the weather was beautiful today. So I had the back door open for most of the morning so sweet pea could run around. And I was very comfortable in just a sweater. But I did bring a coat with me. It would get cooler later on.

The bus was late but I was only like 5 minutes behind by the time it showed up. It was just running really slowly. And work was fine. Me and fitsum got ready for the day. He was cutting cardstock for his project next week. And I was creating the interior structure for the kids puppet project. Originally I was going to have them build puppet structure but the way I want them to do it would take way too long. So I just did the interior part and they will paint them. For how short of an art time we have I think that's my best bet.

I went down to collect the kids and I ended up having to break up a fight between two students who are not mine. And then I had no support from the actual daytime teachers which pissed me off. Like I get your stuff out but I don't know these kids names and you're just telling me Oh yeah those boys don't listen. Like that's not an acceptable answer. But I'm just going to let it go for now. If I see it again tomorrow I'm going to get there resource Aid involved.

My kids were great for the most part. He had a couple kids you decided that they were allowed to leave the classroom. And that is still not okay. But they are trying to be better. We watched some videos about puppets which about half of them paid attention to. and they sort of understood my sketching prompt. They mostly understood that they were supposed to draw a chicken wing shape as their base but then they didn't understand that they were supposed to draw on top of that. So I had to re-explain the project. Which was pretty funny. I have to be a little clearer I guess next time. I thought I was pretty clear but apparently not. We put on some family YouTuber that they wanted to watch while they worked. And that was nice just to have a video on. But I think I'm going to have to pick some videos beforehand for them because trying to find them while they're there is not working. But also for some reason it won't let me play any of my videos on playlist. Hopefully I can sort that out going forward.

The rest of the day was fine. We worked on our drawings and fitsum did vocab with them. We played a game with the vocab words. We cleaned up the room and then it was time for pickup.

Fitsum took me home and I had planned on hanging out with James. But he wanted to have a little bit of alone time after such a hard weekend. And that work out for me because I wanted to do laundry and play with my cat. I made manicotti and put away all my clothes. And it's just been a good night. Listening to scary stories and watching Tumblr Fall Apart.

My beautiful new wallet came. It's a little bit bigger than I was anticipating but it feels so well constructed and if it's my tissues inside and my Chapstick. I'm very very pleased. Hopefully this will replace the wallet I got stolen last year and I won't have to keep trying to search for anyone like I have been this entire year. I'm very excited about this purchase.

Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day. Not that today was bad I just always hope the next day will be better. I'm going to be doing a morning shift at the BMI and then teaching where I'm going to be observed apparently. And then me and James are going to go see a play. I'm hoping it will be a very nice day for everybody.

I hope you all sleep well tonight. Stay warm.