#this is fully censored tumblr don’t come at me

[redheadgleekfic]

these inconvenient fireworks - chapter 2

Title: these inconvenient fireworks Fandom: glee Link: FF.net (T rated version). AO3. Warnings: None apply. Rating: Mature to explicit. Pairings: Kurt Hummel/Blaine Anderson, very slight Kurt/Adam at the beginning.

Thanks to @snarkyhag, @wowbright, and @slowcookedwriting for their handholding, cheerleading, and betaing of this fic. This fic really did require a village.

Written for the @fandomtrumpshate charity auction for @sunshineoptimismandangels. Completed as part of the @wipbigbang project.

Summary: After an unexpected Tony award, Kurt Hummel is Broadway's hottest up and coming star, which comes with expectations and some admirers that won't take a hint. When his best friend Elliott Gilbert suggests that they pretend to fake-date to get the leeches to back off, Kurt takes him up on the idea. It's all working out great - until Kurt starts to fall hard for dark-haired music director of his latest musical.

Read the second chapter on AO3, the completed (but censored) fic on FF.net, or click below to continue reading on tumblr.

*

Chapter 2

“Okay, Jane, let’s take that last stanza again. I need to hear more emotion. You’re opening up to the group about your HIV status —you’re vulnerable in letting them in, you never let people in, but you’re still defiant that you’re not going to let the disease define you. I want to hear that vulnerability—a little softly at first and then building in volume.” Blaine plays the bars again on the piano and nods in her direction.

Jane sings on cue, her voice sweet and young.

There’s only now There’s only fear Give into love Or live in fear.

“Better!” Blaine calls out in encouragement. “I can hear your uncertainty there, but I want you to build in confidence over the next lines. You’re trying to convince Roger to give you a chance. Beseech him, convince him. There is no day but today.”

“No other path No other way No day but today!”

“Don’t get breathy there—make sure you expand your diaphragm fully before that last measure.” He corrects firmly. Jane scratches down his directions on her sheet music. “Let’s take it one more time.” He nods again and listens carefully as she sings through her part again. “Much better. Did you hear the difference with the timing of your breath? And you really came through with the emotions there. Well done.” He nods and checks his watch. “Let’s call it a night. We’ll meet tomorrow with Mason to run through it again and then I think we’ll be ready to add in the full orchestration.”

“Thanks, Mr. Anderson!” Jane says as she gathers her stuff, her earnest face glowing after his compliments. “You’ve helped me so much; I don’t know where I’d be without you.”

“It’s my job. You just make it easy.” Blaine smiles and watches her leave. Jane is one of his favorite students, brimming with talent and enthusiasm; it’s been a joy helping her flourish. Watching her develop confidence on the stage reminds him why he chose to pivot careers nearly a decade ago. He had gone to Berklee Conservatory in Boston majoring in musical theater, fully expecting to graduate and take on Broadway as an actor. Instead, it was the theory classes, the ones that focused on the “whys and how-tos” in making theater magic that had captured his attention. So when his professor had kept him after class and invited him to be her TA the following semester, Blaine jumped on the opportunity with hardly a second thought. By the end of his time there, he had switched his degree focus to music directing and vocal education. Instead of seeking the bright white lights of New York City, he set off for a master’s degree at the University of Michigan.

The first few months after graduating from UMich had been discouraging, as job opportunities were scarce. Any dreams about working in New York City or Boston vanished—his glowing letters of recommendations weren’t enough to inspire producers to overlook his slim resume. As the months slipped by, with only piano and voice lessons making his rent, he became more desperate for any kind of job in his field. His first job after he graduated was in the town of Lima, Ohio, which had just transformed its high school into the first performing arts high school in the country. Principal Schuester may have had some odd ideas about last minute rehearsals but, under his leadership, McKinley High had become a renowned flagship for high school choir and theater, as more than a half dozen of its students had won Tonys and Olivier awards.

Seven years later, Blaine has settled into his job as McKinley’s music director, overseeing the orchestration and vocals of the four school musicals as well as two community hosted events that he somehow picked up, directing the acapella choirs and the choir band, and teaching music theory to the freshmen. It keeps him busy. Too busy, maybe, as he can’t recall the last time he hadn’t spent his evenings making lesson plans or changing the orchestration. He gets a beer once in a while with fellow teacher Sam Evans, but even that has dwindled recently.

His phone rings, breaking him from his reverie. His smile widens at the name dancing across the screen. “Wes!” he says.

“It’s been a long time, Warbler Blaine.” Wes intones seriously. “You did not show for the biennial gavel ceremony last month.”

“I—" Blaine coughs. “I was in the middle of rehearsals and couldn’t get away.”

“We are all busy. Do you think that I can easily break away from my responsibilities?” Like Blaine, Wes had also started out his studies in theater, before switching to law. “I do it because it’s important. Unless, now that you’re working for the competition, maybe that’s not so anymore.”

“Of course not! Once a Warbler—"

“Always a Warbler,” Wes finishes with him. “I did not call to guilt you for your absence, although your presence was sorely missed, but to congratulate you on your success. I heard that your theater production of Pippin won a national award.”

“One of my students, Skylar, won a Jimmy award last year, yes.”

“For a performance that you directed, with a controversial gay retelling that has got the theater blogs exploding. There’s talk of a new revival on Broadway.”

“Our Catherine got sick,” Blaine explains, “so Alastair stepped in and it just made so much sense to have Pippin make a truly difficult choice.”

“It’s the talk of the theater world, Blaine, and I want you to take advantage of it.”

“What? What do you mean”

“I’ve just signed on as the production lawyer for a new musical that’s being developed. Have you heard of Ryan Durphy?”

“Heard of Ryan Durphy? Wes, I don’t live that deep under a rock.”

“Right, so he’s writing this musical. He’s collaborating with those two songwriters whose musical went viral a few years ago, Bridgerabbey, I believe it was. He’s calling this the first gay musical comedy.”

“Wouldn’t that have been La Cage Aux Folles?”

Wes huffs audibly. “You’re missing the point. Although, yes, you are correct. They need a music director and I’ve given your name to the stage director.”

“Me! Wes, I don’t have the experience for that.”

“Blaine. I’m telling you. This is your moment. Sure, maybe not the music director this time as it’s your first time on Broadway and I don’t have that kind of pull, but the assistant director? You would be perfect.”

“But I don’t—"

“I don’t want to see you stuck in Ohio. You have done amazing things at McKinley, but you’ve always been destined for more.”

Blaine is silent for a moment, thinking back on the ephemeral dreams of seeing his name on Broadway. “I’ll… I’ll think about it, okay?”

“Send your resume to me this weekend and I’ll pass it on. They will want you to come out for an interview and audition. Do you think you could arrange some time off?”

“I- Maybe. We’re not too far into Rent that I wouldn’t be missed for a day or two.”

“Splendid.” Wes enthuses. “I’ll take you out for lunch when you are here. I look forward to being in the same city with you again.”

“Yes. The same. Of course. Bye.” Blaine stammers, not even hearing the last of their conversation, his mind swirling.

Could he? Could he just up and leave his kids for a pipe dream? Surely, Ryan Durphy will have dozens of other candidates who have far more experience than he does—he knows all too well of how cutthroat competitive the city can be. His resume won’t even make it out of the pile of rejections. And yet. Something stirs inside, a memory, a longing. He’s felt restless here for the last few months. His colleagues are great and his students—they’re his source of pride. Why does he need more?

A knock at the door startles him. “You okay there, Blaine? You’ve been staring at that piece of paper for a while now.”

“Oh hey, Will,” Blaine greets his principal. “No, no, it’s okay. I’m fine, I just,” he laughs shortly, “got some unexpected news.”

“Oh?”

Blaine considers for a moment. He’s never really confided in his principal before. Will Schuester had worked at McKinley for a decade before his unorthodox methods of choir directing had led the New Directions to national championships, ultimately inspiring the superintendent to form the arts focused public high school. Will cared deeply for his students and was supportive of his teachers, but was ultimately, mostly hands-off in the day to day management of the teachers’ curriculums.

“I. An old friend called. About a job possibility. On Broadway.”

William laughs and claps his shoulder warmly. “That’s fantastic, Blaine. Congratulations!”

“I haven’t decided if I’m going to apply or audition or …” He trails off.

“You should. Let me know when you need time off. We can arrange for a substitute.”

“You really think I should consider it?” Blaine feels dazed at the unexpected support.

“Of course I do. It’s an incredible opportunity for you.” Will pauses. “Several years ago, I had a similar opportunity to open a new Broadway musical. And I didn’t take it, because, well, because the glee club here was so fresh and the kids needed me, but also because I was a little bit of a coward. I don’t exactly regret it, as I’ve had an amazing time here over the last decade and it’s been the right decision. But that doesn’t mean I still don’t have the ‘what if’ questions. We all do.”

“I just don’t know.”

“Take a couple of nights and think about it. But, I think you should do it. You’re insanely good at your job here, Blaine. You have an innate sense of directing and bringing the best out of people and I agree with your friend that your talents are not fully appreciated here.”

“Thanks, Will.”

Blaine slowly gathers his stuff after Will leaves. He has a lot to think about. And an audition to plan.

*

“Come in,” a gruff voice announces from behind the closed door in response to Blaine’s rap.

Blaine wills his nerves down. “You can do this. One last step.” He whispers to himself.

His palm is a little sweaty, so he wrenches the door open with a little more force than anticipated and it flies open noisily.

He takes a deep breath, straightens his bowtie, and pastes on a confident smile and he strides into the room.

There’s a piano in the front and a long table facing with, where a half dozen people sit expectantly, and otherwise, the small, white room is void of other decoration. Of all of the rooms and stages that Blaine’s been in these last few days, it’s the most sterile and does nothing to help that rolling pit of anxiety in his stomach.

Blaine startles when a bearded man with glasses and the most morose expression Blaine has ever seen (and he’s sung at retirement homes!) pushes back from the piano bench as if he’s been evicted and sits down at the end of the table.

They all stare at him, four men, all middle-aged, and two women that Blaine would guess are around his age. Blaine tries to keep the smile on his face and his fingers from fidgeting at his side. He recognizes them all, some more than others. He met Ryan Durphy on his first day here a week ago and hasn’t seen since. Robert Alrich and Zak Woodsee, the executive producers are much more familiar as he interviewed with them back in New York for the first interview and then has been working with them on a daily basis. And of course Mercedes Jones and Marley Rose, the songwriting duo of Rose Jones and the composers/writers of this musical—he hasn’t formally met them yet and is only slightly starstruck to see them. As ‘Rose Jones,’ the singer-songwriter duo had sprung to popularity when they wrote and performed their songs had become viral TikTok hits and they wrote and. Three platinum albums followed, but this was their first musical. Blaine has followed them for years on Instagram and he holds himself back from gushing about how much he admires their music.

There’s the fourth man, the piano man. Blaine has seen him around, but hasn’t paid him attention. He’s not sure he’s ever learned his name this week and Blaine knows everybody’s name.

“Hi, Blaine,” Robert finally breaks the growing silence. “Thank you for coming to this last session. I don’t know if you’ve met Mercedes and Marley yet. They will be writing the score for this musical project.”

“Hello.” Blaine greets politely.

“Hi, Blaine,” Mercedes says brightly with a warm smile. “It’s good to see you.”

“We’ve been really impressed with what we’ve seen this week.” Marley says

“You were watching?” Blaine questions. He knows that they had filmed him over the week—he signed a large stack of releases, permissions to film, and nondisclosure forms when he arrived last week. But he had assumed that only Ryan Durphy was reviewing the video.

“We just reviewed some of your projects with Mr. Durphy.” Marley echoes.

“Tell me more about your thought process with the children’s choir.” Ryan Durphy says and Blaine takes another deep breath before answering.

It’s the last day of a week-long “immersive” audition. After a routine audition in NYC a couple of months ago, Blaine had heard nothing from them for weeks. He had called to ask for an update and figured that the response that they hadn’t made a decision yet was a polite dismissal and he had shrugged off his disappointment. If nothing else, this had gotten him to brush off his portfolio and look at a couple of job offers around the state. It really might be time for a change, even if it’s not his dream job.

Three weeks after he had put the play out of his mind, he got a call inviting him to Los Angeles, this time for a more prolonged interview. He flew into L.A. after the school year ended, expecting to stay with Cooper for a couple of days to meet with the producers and interview with the rest of the creative staff. The fact that it was in L.A. and not New York City was odd enough, but he supposed that Ryan Durphy was probably used to making the world revolve around him.

However, when he checked in with the studio, he discovered that he was one of six finalists for the position of assistant music director and he would be staying with the others in a small hotel for the week. He swore he heard one of the producers refer to them as contestants.

“It's not reality tv,” Robert reassured when Blaine questioned. “There’s no script as we would prefer things to develop organically. But Mr. Durphy wishes to film this week to review when making his decision as well as retain the rights to explore future productions should this be feasible.”

To say that this week has been unexpectedly grueling would be an understatement. His days have been stuffed with sessions conducting a string quartet and a theater orchestra, directing a children’s choir in a rendition of “Daydream Believer”, and remixing a fresh take of “Don’t Stop Believin’”. There have been small group sessions with one of his fellow competitors where they worked together with a singer to create a short jingle for a commercial—Cooper had given all kinds of unhelpful tips when Blaine met up for dinner one night.

Blaine has felt thoroughly out of his element the entire trip. He’s surrounded by exceedingly talented people vying for the same position, people who have been in the business for years and have loads more experience, and there are some, like his suitemate, Jean Baptiste, who sneered openly when Blaine said that he had been doing high school theater productions instead of regional theater work in Chicago like Jean.

On the other hand, it reminds him of the craziness of college and he feels like he’s stretching long forgotten muscles of innovation and imagination and by the end of the week, Blaine wants the position more than he had when he had started the process. He’s done his best and by the end, he is very proud of the work he’s produced in the last week, so he’s enthusiastic in his responses to the panel of judges.

Robert smiles encouragingly. “Your resume is quite different from the others in the group. You have been doing high school theater, is that correct?”

“Yes.” Blaine nods. “I’ve directed theater, choir, and band over the years, but my primary focus has been theater.”

“Community theater?”

“Some. Lima has a small community theater and I assist with a production every year or so.”

Ryan looks down his glasses. “Is there a reason why you have stuck to high school?”

“I really enjoy working with high schoolers.” Blaine says. “They’re in these plays because they love it and I love helping them improve their voices and watching them grow in confidence. They’re bright and eager in ways that adults rarely are.”

“And how do you think you will do managing professional actors?” Ryan probes again. His stare is intimidating.

“Have you worked with teenage girls before? If you can deal with their torrents of emotions and hormones, you can deal with just about any challenge.” Blaine quips and they all laugh. “In all seriousness, while my experience may be a little different, I am trained for a job like this. I have experience in all aspects of music directing. I believe that my unique perspective is just what your musical needs.”

“Well, we’ve certainly been very impressed with your ability to think on your feet this week.” Zak says.

“And you work remarkably well with others, including people who were distrustful of you.” Robert adds.

Ryan still has his gaze fixated on Blaine. He leans back abruptly. “I like you. I like your energy and your focus. The job is yours.”

Blaine blinks, certain that he’s misheard. “What?”

“Unless there are any objections from the others here,” and all except for the bearded man shake their heads, “then we’ll have you sign the contract for the position. Congratulations, Blaine.” He extends his hand across the table.

Robert shakes his hand as well, a broad smile on his face. “Rehearsals start at the end of July. Brad will let you know the schedule. Welcome to the team.”

Blaine’s mind is reeling from this sudden change. “Okay. Who’s Brad?”

Robert points out the bearded man who is slinking out the door. He gives Blaine a blank nod. “Brad’s the music director for all of Ryan’s productions. You’ll be working under him. A good guy—don’t let his gruffness get you down. He’s like that with everybody.” He gathers his papers and the three men all shake his hand again and leave.

Marley squeezes his arm. “Congrats. I really was cheering for you.”

“Well, that was an odd way of doing things.” Mercedes says, echoing Blaine’s thoughts. “But you did good. It’ll be fun working with you.”

“Although, I think we’ll probably be working more with Brad, at least from my understanding.”

“Who really knows?” Mercedes says. “This songwriting business is more complicated than I thought it would be.”

Blaine can understand that.

Marley leans in and gives him a hug. “Again, congrats on the job. You really will be great.”

They both leave Blaine alone with his swirling thoughts. He fishes out his cell phone. “Hey, Coop. Yeah, I got the job. Looks like I’m moving to New York in a couple months.”

The excitement builds as he tells his brother about his success. He did it. His life will never be the same after this.

Last Chapter | Next Chapter

[fyeahchrisredfield]

Censored post? gets flagged

Post with Chris’ dick fully out? Not flagged

Tumblr what gives

Pls don't invite them to come for me

[tmmyhug]

idk if it would be worth asking but i guess i’ll shoot my shot : is it worth it staying interested in the smp even with all the criticisms and issues that are in both in and out of the fandom? it feels like whenever i try to enjoy an aspect or something any of the creators do, i can’t help but feel like people would think i agree with certain ideals that are totally harmful and should be called out for so it makes it really hard :/// idk how i should feel about it so i think i’d like to hear from someone else if that’s alright

hellooo I’m finally ready to tackle this ask, sorry it took me like three days!! short answer: yes! long answer: it’s up to you. if you’re passionate about something, you have to decide whether that outweighs whatever ‘bad’ comes with it - whether that’s having to criticize aspects of it, deal with hate, ignore certain creators, etc.

oh jesus I just wrote a five thousand character essay. anon, I am so sorry if you wanted a quick response, because that is not what this is. here we go.

first off, an important thing to keep in mind is that nothing is perfect. problematic media has always existed. everything you could possibly be interested in will have issues, and there will be people who criticize those - as they have a right to. unfortunately, there will also be people who decide anyone who likes the thing is equally as bad as the things wrong with it. the way to get around this is to curate your experience: block people and tags, find your fellow fans, sequester yourself in a safe corner of the fandom. (twitter makes this difficult, which is one reason I prefer tumblr.)

as far as your personal conscience goes? generally, if you listen to what the people affected by the issues are saying and change your behavior effectively, it’s hard to go wrong. I know that sounds like a bit of a cop-out answer, but because you’re already worried about being perceived as someone who agrees with problematic ideals, I think you’ve got a pretty good moral compass to follow :) and when you’re unsure, you reach out to other people, just like this! so good on you.

an example from my own experience is schl*tt (censored to keep out of tags). I personally don’t know much about schl*tt. I liked his acting on the smp and his character is one of my favorite villains. but because I saw hurt people - fans I trusted the judgement of and who sourced their proof - speaking out about things he’s done, I decided not to subscribe to him or watch his content. that’s my way of saying, I will enjoy what I like about this problematic thing but not actually support it. so I can still enjoy c!schl*tt without feeling guilty. your way might be different. say you love his content but don’t want to support him - it’s easy to rip videos off youtube for a quick watch or even just get an adblocker. I don’t see it as any different than pirating a disney movie.

thankfully, though, not all issues are that extreme. sometimes people just make mistakes - eg. phil’s r-slur clip. and that’s where your own judgement really comes in. personally, I don’t care that phil said the r-slur eight years ago, for a number of reasons. I’m allowed to decide that on my own, because I’m part of the group affected. if I wasn’t, though, I would still have to make a decision about whether or not to keep supporting him - and you do that by finding the people affected and listening to their opinions. it’s rarely black and white because people often feel differently about the same thing, but it’s the only way to really see whether the issue is a make-or-break for you.

of course, it’s not easy! I’m often conflicted about how I should feel about a certain creator. that’s where the community helps. track down the well known and respected fans, the people who write good essays, the blogs closely engaged with their fellow fans and who are open to conversation. see what the fandom is saying. keep an open mind and learn. it’s fine to take your time, too - I haven’t even fully made up my mind on how I feel about dream himself yet, only that nothing he’s done is bad enough to make me stop watching his content.

also, unlike many other media, dsmp is not one cohesive whole with one or two creators, so you can rarely apply a problem one creator has to the whole thing. it’s fine to enjoy certain streamers and not others and still watch the smp. and you have to learn to ignore critics - people will generalize the smp. people will mock you for it. block, report, ignore, and vibe with the rest of us. don’t cut yourself off from something that brings you joy just because there are haters. you’re the only one who knows your true ideals, and you don’t owe an explanation of them to anyone.

one more thing - none of this is mandatory. it’s a good practice to be aware of the issues of a thing if you spend a lot of your time engaged with it, but when that thing is your comfort media, discourse can also be incredibly anxiety-inducing. if you don’t want to think about it? don’t. go watch tommy fight god for the umpteenth time and ignore the fandom completely. you are not irredeemable for liking something, and no one has the right to call you out for simply enjoying content. fandom is a hobby, not an obligation to discuss societal issues. and there will always be other people writing discourse essays that you can peruse when you feel up to it - you don’t have to do any of the heavy lifting if you don’t want to.

that’s all! ahhhh this was not supposed to be so long. I know i'm kinda rambly :/ I hope it was helpful! and I wish you luck in braving fandom discourse, dear anon.

[pawjamas]

hey..i’ve been back from my stay at the residential facility for several days now and A lot happened, which i’m putting under a a readmore bc it’s potentially triggering (warning for mentions of s*xual abuse/gasl*ghting/etc) my life is basically being uprooted, so much happened in the month of June and is currently still happening, which i’ll explain below

i was admitted to the residential facility on June 9th, it seemed super promising, there was an abundance of 4-5 star reviews from patients online. my friend who currently is working in the mental health field researched about the facility and also confirmed that it seemed a lot better than most places are. the first day was kind of rough and i knew getting adjusted would be difficult but could never have expected what happened the following several days to happen. i made friends pretty quickly, my roommate on the first day there was very kind to me, she told me if i ever needed someone to talk to that she’d be there for me, we also shared the fact we were both nonbinary/just a lot of things we had in common so it was comforting to know her on the first day there.

i spoke to my psychiatrist the next day who told me i could get off “close observations” which is why i was in the room i was, the label is basically something you get put on if you’re at risk for s*lf h*rm/etc and need a staff member w/ you at all times. so since i was taken off of that i was switched to a different room with a different roommate. she was a 60 yr old woman who was in the other program offered at the facility (mine was mental health related and hers was for substance abuse/addiction) i didn’t feel too comfortable around her the first night, she complained about every single thing, she never participated in the groups offered at the facility, she told me over and over again how much she hated being here. the next few days were a blur and are still very fuzzy, my mind is still keeping all the memories locked away which has happened to me many times before w/ trauma where everything’s vague and not fully there.

basically, over the course i was roommates w/ this woman she groomed me and manipulated me into doing anything she wanted me to do for her, she physically/s*xually assaulted me multiple times, and caused my mental health to plummet even further than i thought was possible. i eventually did get to switch rooms, and i only recalled (again, vaguely) what happened those nights about a week later and reported it to the staff where half of them treated it like a joke. i went to the hospital the night i reported everything to get examined and ended up calling my mom on my friend’s phone (she drove to the hospital and stayed w/ me the whole time) and my mom was probably the worse to take my trauma/situation out of anyone. she told me i should’ve spoken up sooner, asked why i didn’t defend myself from this woman, basically the whole phone call was her blaming me for not doing anything about my assault. when i hung up my friend even told me that what she said wasn’t okay, and was victim-blaming.

i left the hospital and got back to the facility around 1:00 am, and the following days i spent there i was continuously getting worse because being in the environment my trauma had happened was preventing me from healing, plus i literally had to be in the same rooms as the person who had assaulted me and seeing her was extremely triggering. she continuously would call me crazy and delusional and that i made the entire thing up, i had difficulty telling what was real and what was not because of how bad i was treated by her and the staff. i’m thankful i met some really kind patients there that became my friends, they helped me the most out of anyone there. at one point a nurse had pulled me into a room and told me how i should never have spoken up about my abuse, how i should consider how it makes my abuser feel, and stop talking to the friends i made about it. but i’m glad i had people who would actually listen.

i mentioned it once but again, my mom was probably the worst person to talk to when all this was happening, at one point one evening when phones were available i called her and told her i needed to leave, i wanted to come home because this all of this was affecting me so badly, and she screamed over and over that i can’t come home and i have to stay, that it’s too bad that happened but continuing to do the program was more important. at that point i broke down and cried, begging her to let me come home and she screamed repeatedly for me to shut up and then hung up on me.

after that evening i knew that i wouldn’t be taking any shit from her any longer, i called my friend who lived nearby about her the following day or so, asked if i could stay with her at her apartment, which didn’t end up happening because we both worried my mom being as spiteful as she is would take legal action if i did leave w/ my friend instead of my mom. i ended up talking to a couple of the friends i made there that i was having bad intrusive thoughts, and that evening i was baker acted (involuntarily hospitalized) and transferred to another facility, which could’ve been because of the staff or me being reported for the thoughts i was having, but regardless i was away from my abuser and didn’t have to see her again.

the hospital i stayed at was...a lot worse than the other place, i barely got to speak to the psychiatrist/therapist during my entire time there, people would joke about how little time you got w/ them. they ended up keeping me there longer than the required 72 hrs, which i asked multiple people why and never got an answer, at one point my mom wanted to make sure i was sent back to the residential facility of which i had to explain would be detrimental to me and my health, but as usual when she had her mind set on something she won’t listen to reason or anyone who explains other (more beneficial) options.

i ended up calling my friend that lived back in the town i live in, told her the whole story and what’s been going on, and ultimately asked if i could move in with her because her and her family had already offered to let me. she was more than happy to have me move in, so that’s what i ended up planning on doing when i got discharged, was have her pick me up instead of my mom. and i called my mom to tell her that i’d be moving out, all the reasons why it’d be beneficial to us both, she took it horribly and told me if my friend picks me up i can never ever come home again and that i’m kicked out. i told her that’s fine, even though it hurt so badly when she said it.

finally, the following monday i was discharged, my friend from back home picked me up along w/ her husband, and we made sure to get all my things from the residential facility (my clothes/shampoo/makeup/etc) before heading back to her house, which was about an hour and a half drive home.

so now i’m staying w/ her, i still feel out of place and disoriented and uncomfortable but her and her family have been very welcoming. i’m trying to get all my stuff from my mom’s but it’s been a huge struggle to get anything from her because she loves to overcomplicate anything and then make it seem as if it’s all your doing and she’s the biggest, kindest saint ever to grace your life. my friends and i all think she has undiagnosed/untreated bipolar, and i definitely think she at least needs therapy and meds too but she doesn’t believe in either for herself. i just want my stuff back, and i do miss my room a lot and jazzy but there’s no way i’m getting either back, i’m also worried how my mom is treating jazzy because she hates him and i’ve witnessed first-hand what she’s done to him before.

i might post my p*ypal / v*nmo (censoring bc i think tumblr is weird abt posts that have these keywords or smth) because i don’t have any income rn...thank you if you read all this lmao i still didn’t even cover half of the other stuff i went through at the place i was baker acted but essentially my life has been turned upside down and i’m having to figure out how to keep going despite it all

[starkerxstarker]

Peter’s Lip Piercing

Pairing: Peter Parker/Tony Stark

Rating: E

Words: 1776

Warnings: Just some smut

Summary: Peter gets his lip pierced on a whim. Unfortunately, that means no kissing or giving bl0wjobs until its healed. Good thing Tony has some ideas on what to do in the meantime.

Read on Ao3

NOTE: Because of tumblr constantly knocking my stuff out of the tags, bad words above the read more are minorly censored in an effort to keep it in the tags. Its annoying that tumblr is like this but everything is fully uncensored on the Ao3 link above. 

Peter got it done on a whim. He had always been interested but never worked up the courage. That is, until today. He walked out of the tattoo and piercing shop with a swollen lip, a platinum stud, and a pamphlet on how to take care of the piercing. 

The actual process hadn't hurt as much as he feared. Sure, it wasn't pleasant, but it was only a moment of pain and then it was done. The anxiety leading up to it was the worst part. 

The man who did his piercing gave him a rundown of how to keep the piercing healthy while it healed. Notability, don't move the jewelry around, keep excellent oral hygiene, avoid spicy food. But one particular instruction stuck out to Peter. No kissing or giving oral séx until the piercing fully healed. Which would be at least three months. And that, to be honest, f-cking sucked.

Peter wasn't sure if he could survive three whole months without getting Tony's d!ck in his mouth, or even just getting to kiss his boyfriend. 

The prospect of it became even more difficult when as soon as Peter walked in the door and Tony noticed the new addition to Peter's face, he looked like he wanted to absolutely devour him. Peter had to cover his own mouth and gently push Tony back. Peter immediately explains himself upon seeing the confusion in Tony's eyes at the rejection. "No kissing until it's fully healed. Or bl0wjobs. Bacteria could get the piercing infected."

Tony nods in understanding but still replies, "You come home looking like that and you're telling me I can't even kiss you?"

"For at least three months," Peter confirms with a grimace. 

"Three months?!?!?" Tony repeats in disbelief. Whether that be about the lack of kissing or lack of head, Peter wasn't sure. 

"Yeah..." he trails off awkwardly. "But do you like it?" Peter asks, hopeful for Tony's approval. 

"Baby, I love it, "Tony replies low. "You're already sexy, but it makes me want to eat you up even more." Tony cups Peter's face in his hands and caresses his cheeks, careful to avoid disturbing his lip.

"Well..." Peter grins mischievously, "There's other places to kiss me besides my lips. And there's no rule about me receiving head." 

Tony chuckles, "You little shit." Tony has to restrain himself from covering Peter's lips with his own and instead settles for dragging Peter off to the bedroom.

Peter stumbles as he’s pulled along, trying to kick his shoes off along the way before they hit the bed. Tony pushes Peter onto the bed and he settles himself back on the pillows carefully pulling his shirt off to avoid brushing his lip as Tony removes his own shirt with much less grace. With both their shirts discarded to the floor, Tony climbs onto the bed, over top Peter, caging him under him on all fours. Tony lets out a half aroused, half a frustrated groan, “God, I wish I could kiss the hell out of you right now.”

And before Peter can make any smart remark about how he can, just not the lips, Tony has already got with the program and is pressing warm lips and hot tongue to the center of Peter’s throat. Peter hums softly in satisfaction, which turns into a sharp gasp when Tony nips at his skin. Peter wraps his arms around Tony’s back pulling him closer to his body and Tony lets himself fall from his knees to slot one thigh between Peter’s. 

Peter greedily ruts his quickly swelling cock up against the pressure of Tony’s leg as Tony kisses up Peter’s jaw, careful to give Peter’s lip ring ample room. Tony’s stubble is rough against Peter’s skin in contrast to Tony’s softer lips and it makes him shiver. Tony slowly makes his way back down to the side of Peter’s neck, where he draws a whine out of Peter by harshly sucking on Peter’s skin, no doubt leaving a blooming bruise behind, that he soothes with a lick and a gentle kiss before moving lower to Peter’s collarbone.

Peter wants nothing more than to pull Tony’s face up and feel Tony’s lips and tongue against his own, but since he can’t do that, what Tony is doing right now is pretty damn good. Tony moves south from Peter’s lovingly abused collarbone to his chest, planting wet kisses in a sort of spiral around Peter’s pecs before wrapping his lips around a nipple. The sensitive flesh hardens under the attention and Peter tangles his hands tightly in Tony’s hair, pulling with a breathy sigh. Tony grunts softly at the light pleasurable pain in his scalp, and laves his tongue over the nub, and worries it between his teeth before he pulls away, only to award Peter’s other nipple the same attention. 

Appreciative groans and gasps are pulled from Peter with every new place Tony maps with his lips, teeth, and tongue. Tony works over Peter’s body, licking, kissing, sucking, and occasionally biting every piece of skin available to him, worshiping Peter’s body inch by inch, removing any clothing that dares get in his way. Kisses down Peter’s sternum, proper attention paid to each muscle in Peter’s well defined six-pack, hickeys sucked into his hip bones, tongue dragged along the crease of his v-lines, love bites bitten into his soft thighs.  

By the time Tony actually touches Peter’s cock, Peter himself is an impatient, begging mess wriggling under Tony’s mouth and hands. It only takes one desperate whine of, “Please fucking suck me,” for Tony’s teasing, feather light kisses to the head and shaft to turn into Tony’s lips happily wrapped around Peter’s dick, giving him a thoroughly enthusiastic blowjob that has him coming not long after. 

***

It's three months and four days later when Tony is greeted by Peter bounding in the door, back from his appointment at the body mod shop with the widest grin, and a new shiny hoop gracing his bottom lip, replacing his starting stud. Within moments Tony’s breath is knocked out of him with a soft “umph” as Peter enthusiastically crashes against his body and presses their lips together for the first time in months. And god, it feels good. Familiar. Except for the addition of the metal ring, firmer and cooler than the rest of Peter’s soft and demanding lips. It's definitely not the first time Tony has kissed someone with piercings, but this is Peter and it's been far too long since he’s gotten to feel his lover’s lips, so it’s intoxicating. 

Soon Peter’s tongue is demanding entrance to Tony’s mouth which he immediately gives, swallowing Peter’s groan as his own tongue presses into Peter’s mouth as well. Peter’s hands frantically try to force their way under Tony’s shirt, grappling for bare skin as he starts to walk Tony backwards towards the bedroom, groaning against Tony’s lips, “God, I’ve fucking missed this”. 

Tony can’t agree more as his back thumps against their bedroom door and he blindly reaches behind him to turn the handle, popping the door open. They stumble into the room while Peter’s hands have moved on to working at getting Tony’s pants out of the way with quick success and Tony kicks them off as they pool around his ankles. His legs hit the bed and he pulls Peter down with him as he falls back on the blankets. Their lips don’t separate until Tony pulls Peter’s shirt over his head, but before the shirt even hits the floor, their lips are already pressed back together, tongues clumsily dancing in feverish need. 

They continue kissing, soaking each other up, Tony enjoying what he’s gone the past few torturous months without. Their hands blindly remove their remaining clothing, discarding it carelessly to be dealt with later. As soon as they’re both bare, Peter’s hand is wrapped around Tony’s cock, slowly stroking the length and for the first time since they hit the bed, Peter’s lips abandon Tony’s in favor of his neck. 

Tony groans, his dick finally getting some attention as Peter kisses, sucks, and licks his way down Tony’s body in an imitation of the treatment Tony’s often given him over the months in lieu of being able to kiss properly. But unlike Tony, who would sometimes spend over thirty minutes worshiping every inch of Peter’s body, sans lips, before finally getting to Peter’s dick, neither of them have that kind of patience at the moment after being denied for months, and Peter’s face is level with Tony’s cock in only a few moments. 

Peter only hesitates long enough to breathe out a reverent “finally” before wrapping his lips around the head of Tony’s cock and Tony drops his head back against the pillow letting out a loud moan of pleasure and relief. The wet heat of Peter’s mouth on him feeling like absolute heaven after going through the longest time without a blowjob in years. 

Peter seems to be enjoying himself equally as much, letting out a dramatic groan around Tony’s cock before sinking his lips down and taking more of Tony into his mouth. Tony hums and groans lowly as Peter sets a bobbing pace, using his tongue in sinful ways that make Tony never want to go even a day without Peter’s skillful mouth on him again. 

After going so long without, everything Peter does feels amazing. Peter’s tongue flicking at the head on the pull back and Tony bumping the back of Peter’s throat on the way in, Peter’s soft lips tight around his shaft, and even the smooth slide of the cool hoop of metal along Tony’s length are all building Tony up to an orgasm at record speed. It would be embarrassing in other circumstances, but for now Tony can’t even care because he’s waited well long enough for this. And if Peter’s lamenting over the lack of cum down his throat over the past few weeks is anything to go by, Peter won’t mind the expedited delivery of his prize either. 

Only a few moments and a couple skillful maneuvers later, Tony is coming with a shout and Peter is swallowing it all with a groan and not wasting a drop. “Cumslut,” Tony teases affectionately as Peter pulls back, licking his lips. 

“Maybe,” Peter concedes as he crawls back up the bed to be level with Tony, pressing a much softer, less frantic kiss to his lips than the ones they shared before. “So, I’m thinking about a tongue piercing next,” Peter says with a grin.

“Oh, hell no,” Tony responds, playfully swatting at Peter, “I’m never going that long without your mouth again.” 

[floraone]

So, September is coming up, and with it smutember, and we’re doing it again! (At least I hope you’re with me, lol).

Just like last year, it runs alongside to the official daily word prompts on the official smutember blog: Smutember is an event that runs all throughout September for all fandoms. The following is meant as an addition, not a replacement. If you want to do daily prompts, please use the official words prompts (linked above). However, since daily prompts can be a bit intimidating (especially for a fandom corner that’s 25+ years old like ours and people in it have busy lives), as the resident smut advocate in our fandom, I again customized an alternative that can still incorporate the official themes.

Just like last year, down below you have a list of TROPE AND THEME PROMPTS. They’re a remix of sorts of last year’s tropes, with some you’ve seen before and some new ones, meant to spark a variety of ideas. The idea is that with these you can post once (or twice) per week instead of daily.

Be it for fanart or fanfic or any other sort of fanwork, tropes can be combined, (and they can be combined with the daily themes too), whatever floats your boat. Also, specifically: This event isn’t Usamamo-centric only. I will reblog any Sailor Moon content of any pairing as long as it follows the rules! (See below)

The aim of this event is to create sex-positive content together that celebrates a healthy depiction of consentual sexuality. Erotic fanfiction is a beautiful art, especially in a fandom of ours so largely cultivated by women and for women, as well as a strong inclusive focus on queer and gender-queer content and their creators!

What’s new: I’m taking a page out of the mini-bang’s impressive book, and when smutember is over, I will compile all entries that followed the rules into an online-only e-zine! This also means that art that may be too explicit for tumblr can still be included in the e-zine!

Here are the weekly trope challenges:

Reinvent a trope!

WEEK 1 (September 1st - 7th): Pick 1 or 2

🍋 Reunion Sex 🍋 Sex Fails 🍋 Second Chance Sex 🍋 You Talk In Your Sleep 🍋 Unresolved Sexual Tension 🍋 New Old Flame 🍋 Go Seduce My Archnemesis 🍋 Bedsharing 🍋 Sex with the Ex/Break-Up Sex 🍋 In Public 

WEEK 2 (September 8th - 14th): Pick 1 or 2

🍋 Make-Up Sex 🍋 Battle Couple 🍋 Mission Sex 🍋 Work-Out Sex 🍋 Accidental Pervert 🍋 Bathing/Shower 🍋 Pool/Onsen 🍋 Sexual Fantasies 🍋 Blind Date 🍋 Aroused By Your____ (pick a feature) 

WEEK 3 (September 15th - 21st): Pick 1 or 2

🍋 Established Relationship 🍋 “Thank God We’re Alive” 🍋 Caught In The Act 🍋 First Times 🍋 Introduction By Hook-Up 🍋 Pining 🍋 Locked In Together In A Small Space/ Trapped Together 🍋 Huddling For Warmth 🍋 Socially Distanced Sex 🍋 Stupid Sexy Friend 🍋 Caught In The Rain 🍋 Living Food Platter/Eating Off You 🍋 Shunga

WEEK 4 (September 22nd - 30th): Pick 1 or 2

🍋 Mutual Masturbation 🍋 Awkward/Clumsy Sex 🍋 Oh Crap There’s Fanfic Of Us 🍋 Talking In Bed 🍋 Fidelity Test 🍋 Fake-NOT-Dating 🍋 Mindlink 🍋 Sex Games 🍋 Tinder 🍋 Blackout/Quarantine/Disaster Warning/Weathering The Storm

RULES

1. Rating: These fics don’t necessarily need to be M or, in the case of Ao3, E- rated. Obviously, they are very, very welcome to be explicit for this event, but you can also go T-rated and stay in lime or ‘blacked out’-territory if you’re uncomfortable with writing explicit scenes! Both is perfectly and absolutely welcome! This of course also goes for fanart - your fanart may depict sexy scenes, but does NOT have to be explicit! (It can, though! Be aware that for tumblr’s guidelines, when sharing your art first, you may have to clip your images as a sort of preview. The original can then be sent to me privately to include into the e-zine!) 2. Minimum Age of Characters: Since this is a community event, if you do go explicit M rated material: age them up where necessary! So that everyone can be comfortable writing and reading these, let them be 18 at the minimum if they’re going to openly and explicitly wohoo. (16-17 is the global average age of consent worldwide, and also the average age for first sex among girls in many western countries. However, since most fanfic readers are located in the US, where the age of consent is 18, we’re going with 18 so that everyone can be comfortable reading!) If you go for canon fics at a time they are below this age, where you do not want to age up (say you’re going for an episode fix!) please stay in T territory for this event. 3. Off limits: Depictions of sexual acts that contain harmful, violent and non-consenting behaviour with non-consenting individuals (or those that aren’t able to consent, for instance because of their age, or state of mind among else!). If it doesn’t fly by law or the ICD in real life, please refrain from depicting it in the context of this event. This means that dubcon and noncon will not be reblogged for the event, so that people can be safely consuming the content without being triggered. All content will be screened in this regard, and I may contact you regarding trigger warnings. This is not at all to censor content, or that this content is in any form less valid (as long as it is properly tagged and not including characters that aren’t of age), but simply to ensure a safe environment for everyone reading. 4. Tag your triggers. Except the aforementioned limitation of harmful content, nothing is off limits. Explore your kinks! But if you write something that might be offensive to your readers, please tag it. This is ALSO a good way for your readers to find exactly what they ARE looking for! On Ao3 this can be done directly on the fic tags, for FF fics and fic links you can do it here on Tumblr via the fic post tags or in ANs. This is in consideration of your readers. 5. You can obviously post art for this event too. All previous rules apply here, as well. Unfortunately, Tumblr is now against tasteful nudity. That doesn’t mean you can’t link to a deviant art or similar account though, should you want to. And, since this year will include an e-zine at the end of it, all art will still be included fully in it. Here too, please tag your triggers. If you still want to post art on Tumblr, choose a T rated image - clip them where needed, or keep them (semi-)clothed, show us a heated kiss, etc! (Obviously we would love ALL the art and the nude body is a beautiful, wonderful thing, but obviously Tumblr doesn’t agree with us anymore!) 6. Have fun! Celebrate sexuality in an open, sex-positive way with us, try to be unapologetic about your likes while you write this, and appreciate the beauty that comes in the form of content with a largely female-gazing creator-base and audience! Smut in fanfiction has been beautifully put as the subjectification of sexuality (as opposed to  objectification). So let’s celebrate this art form together! 7. Reviews: No one is forced to review. It can be uncomfortable to review a fic that contains sexual acts for any number of always valid reasons. Keep in mind, however, that much like a Burlesque dancer on stage, putting out sexual content can also be very intimidating to an author, and nothing is more discouraging than silence when baring yourself to an audience like this. That being said: Both Ao3 and FF have the option to review in anon mode. That means you have the option to remain anonymous while cheering the author on all the same. Just like the Burlesque dancer, your resident smut authors prefer to go on stage to loud cheering - it makes it all less awkward for them, and feels a little more like a big celebration!

If you’re unsure what sex positivity entails and want to read up, I wrote a post about it here.

This event is not supposed to cause harm. This means that I will screen all content before I reblog it here, and include it in the e-zine. So that everyone of age can feel safe reading the fanworks in the event, dubcon and noncon will not be reblogged and included in the e-zine, and accurate tagging and content warning will be watched. This does NOT MEAN that you cannot post this material: your own desire to write it and someone else’s desire to explicitly read this material are valid. I do not entitle myself to censor. It just means it will not be reblogged and shared through the event so that everyone may feel safe to read to the best of my ability. (But, of course, remember that I, too, might be biased, and not discover subtle forms of it, either. We’re all, in the end, a product of our upbringing and society, and I cannot be completely unbiased.)

During the event, I will be posting all Sailor Moon Smutember contributions in this format on my blog if you @ me to the post.

The official hashtag for the event is #smutember2020 hosted by the official smutember blog. Using it helps people find the content who search for it as well as those who wish to block it!

[catbountry]

Glancing over some of my older essays on politics, I’m kind of struck how, despite them not being written that long ago, I feel like I come across as a dumbass, or at least like somebody who thinks they’re much smarter than they actually are. And it’s weird, because most of my views are roughly the same; rather, it’s that I feel the way that they’re articulated comes across as too... I don’t know, smarmy? Smug, maybe? Lacking nuance. Blunt. Like I’m talking down to people. Obviously, this was never my intention, but it’s weird how something that was written while in my early 30′s somehow makes me wince a little... as I rapidly approach being smack-dab in the middle of my 30′s. God, I’ve been in my 30′s for almost 5 whole years now, fuck, where does the time go?

I think being able to come out of the other side of the Trump presidency in one piece has kind of helped add some much-needed perspective, at least for myself. I think the hypothesis that a lot of people who voted for Trump were desperate for some kind of change was proven correct when he failed to be re-elected due to his bungling of COVID, which, funnily (or not) enough, he almost could have looked like he was doing the right thing when he initially wanted to close the U.S. borders... except he’d been trying to restrict travel and close borders so often that of course nobody took such a suggestion seriously. And even if they had? Rich people still would have brought it over, because as we all know, rich people can just get away with all kinds of shit. Of course, once it actually hit, Trump really couldn’t handle the idea of looking weak at all, so instead, it was downplayed, joked about, not taken seriously, even though he’d been briefed that it was going to be really, really bad. And when he got it, and in private thought he was going to die? Well, once he beat it, of course he had to say it wasn’t so bad... even though it killed almost a thousand times more people than the 9/11 terrorist attacks. Most of them were seniors. I think that, as well as a general fatigue and disappointment over the lack of swamp-draining from those who weren’t fanatical devotees, probably sealed his fate. I admit, I wasn’t very sure Biden really had much of a chance for a long time... until COVID happened. But hey, at least we got our stimmy from Trump, right lads?

I’m still fully convinced that Trump never intended to win, and that his run was done purely for ego and financial gain, but his ability to effortlessly bait the media, as well as his unexpected exposing of the sham we all knew presidential elections to be, wound up rocketing him to success. Trump will no doubt go down as one of the most successful conmen in American history, one so slick he wound up conning his way all the way into the White House. The whole thing was like if The Producers was a presidential campaign, fascism included. Granted, I don’t think Trump was ever a true fascist; I think he wanted to be a dictator, but the actual job of being President was a drag. The cult of personality he accrued, however, was the biggest source of narcissistic supply that he’d ever experienced in his entire life. Hell, just being the literal President, the most important person in the entire fucking world, is a hell of a high that I don’t think he’ll ever really be able to reclaim. Trump’s going to be chasing that dragon for the rest of his life. Having “President” in front of your name is a lot nicer than actually, you know, having to be the President. I mean, look at how quickly Obama went gray. A lot of people are convinced Trump will run again in 2024, and I don’t doubt it, but unless something happens that completely throws us for a loop, I don’t see him being able to recreate the, er, “magic” of 2016. Everyone getting to see that, not only was his fanbase capable of having embarrassing public meltdowns just like the le epic triggered snowflake lib Hilary supporters, but that their meltdowns were even more embarrassing, and that they all looked like a bunch of fucking English soccer hooligans during the Capitol siege... well, I think that’s going to put off the swing voters, as well as the moderate Republicans.

Also, that Twitter knock-off founded by Trump’s aide, Gettr, being flooded by gay furries posting Sonic the Hedgehog foot porn? Feels like classic 4chan-style raiding. I approve. It almost feels like we’re healing, even if it’s just a little bit.

But what the fuck did we even learn from all this? What did I learn from this?

I don’t know. It feels like over the time I’ve been on Tumblr, what was once SJW became woke, and being woke has become very normal; so normal, in fact, that fucking massive corporations that use slave labor overseas will change their Twitter icons to rainbow every June because The Gays have become a safe, marketable demographic. On one hand, it’s nice to know that, at least in what I guess is considered the western world, LGBT people are more accepted now than they ever have been. On the other... god, it feels so cynical, doesn’t it? This is all very stream of consciousness, here. I don’t write very much on here since, surprise surprise, Tumblr’s been kind of dead since the porn ban. I still see people post, but it used to be that I couldn’t refresh my dash without seeing dozens of new posts. Now it feels like I refresh my dash and I’d be lucky to see a new post there an hour later. This is why I’m on Discord more. It feels like I have more productive conversations than I ever could on Tumblr or Twitter. Twitter is just... god. It’s like all the worst parts of Tumblr without the parts that made it fun aside from a few memes.

Sorry, I got off track there. The point I was going to make before is that, while I am still very firmly anti-censorship, I’ve managed to put myself in a position where it no longer feels like the stakes are so high. I can relax. I don’t have to feel like I’m on the defense the whole time as somebody grills me over some slip-up. I don’t use Twitter that much. When I do post something in response to somebody, I feel like I instantly regret it. I posted in response to some dumbass spreading a rumor that 4chan’s favorite Simpson’s meme about Sneed’s Feed and Seed is secretly ableist, and I got a response from some dude with an Umaru-chan avatar telling me how he’s proudly racist because he and his friends call each other slurs? Like bro, you’re posting cringe, you’re going to lose subscriber-

I don’t know what I’ve learned yet. Maybe that social media sucks and that chatrooms with friends are the superior way to communicate online. I tried out Telnet recently to go into some random IRC, that was neat. It just feels nice to not have to get into a fucking argument every fucking day over shit that doesn’t matter as much as people thinks it does, to not have to hear about every fucking time the President sneezes or farts. It’s not that there’s no longer anything to worry about; there is. I’d really like to see fellow lefties go after the handful of massive corporations that control the majority of the online experience, who censor not just all the racist white dude grifters in suits who all look suspiciously similar to one another, but us as well. I want to see us raise a bigger stink about the web being santized, sterlized, and gentrified to be friendlier to corporations who only want your precious data and eyeballs. Maybe without the constant distraction of Bad Orange Man, we could make that happen. Maybe.

Or maybe fucking Dream will breathe again and all the fucking children will piss their pants and clog up Twitter, fuck these kids, get off my internet, GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

[yanankim]

Idk you well and I’m usually all for people speaking about their controversial opinions but also since I don’t know you well I’m just hoping it isn’t pure hatred and vitriol for a person or something (bcs I have zero idea what the censored thing is. Maybe Dawn related?? I feel like he’s the thing most people have acidic ideas over lol, it fits your censor and he also has a small fanbase)

uhm okay it is *kinda* dawn related but not really. its under the read more bc yeah

naughty boy's entire era leaves just a really bad taste in my mouth. dont get me wrong, i love the entire mini and i know the boys put so much effort into it, but it was their first comeback without all of the members. i mean, during half of gorilla era shinwon had to sit out and critical beauty yanan couldnt be in live stages, but they at least got to participate in the songs. naughty boy was the first time they were.. incomplete? i suppose? and it was just a time filled with so much uncertainty. we werent even sure if yanan was gonna come back, especially after it was confirmed that dawn got kicked. for the longest time, i couldnt even listen to any of the songe on the album bc it just felt so empty without either of their voices. hell, you could *hear* where dawns voice was supposed to go in naughty boy.

its an era that, even though im able to listen to the songs now and not feel this emptiness, i still cant fully enjoy it. what makes it worse for me is that they were riding off of the coattails of shine's success. they had the entire kpop community's eyes on them as they had to go through losing a member and criticism over making a shine copycat and so much uncertainty. i still remember kino crying at a fanmeet and reporters asking them questions about dawn leaving and them having to be civil about everything.

and as much as i love naughty boy as a song now, its so obvious they WERE trying to capitalize on shine's success. thats not a criticism! shine is a good song and so is naughty boy and it introduced ptg's now well-known fun concepts! but hui has also talked about how ever since shine, he hasnt been able to make songs with such a carefree attitude. he constantly has to make songs with the success of shine looming over him and how cube is trying to push him into making a hit like it again.

the reason why im scared to say all of this is that when naughty boy was released, a LOT of unis were just.. awful. it was more of a problem on twt, but i saw my fair share of tumblr unis being disgusting too. they all said that it was okay to take ur time and heal from dawn leaving however long it took, but as soon as someone was open and vocal about their hurt, they would be called a fake uni! if you didnt support hyundawn, you were a fake uni; if you didnt support dawn's solo debut, you were a fake uni; if you posted hui crying during bomnari; if you are ot10; if you are ot9— all of it somehow signaled that you werent an ACTUAL ptg stan or that you were a bad person. ive talked about this before, but there are a handful of big-name unis (specifically on twt i dont think any of them are active on here anymore) that tote a Specific Way Of Being A Universe and if you Werent That, then you were somehow doing it wrong. they were are are super protective of the boys, and i get it, theyve been through shit and i want to protect them to, but it was getting to the point of sending hate to other unis for simply being a uni in a different way.

im ot10. i was pretty vocal about it in the past. in my eyes, pentagon will always be 10. they talked about how pentagon wouldnt be pentagon if it werent the 10 of them, dawn got a bigass 10 tattoo on his hip, they fought tooth and nail to debut as 10. to me, that signifies that, if it werent for cube, they would still be 10.

ive stopped being vocal about it because there are a few ot9 stans that tell ot10 stans to get over it. it happened years ago. theyre 9 now, so theres no point on being ot10.

ptg are my ults. they still are. they debuted the same month i tried to kill myself, and while recovering, their debut album was the only thing i could listen to. it comforted me in a way i cant explain now. i think thats why dawn leaving had such an impact on me, and why i had to take a break from everything for months after he left.

theres so much in-fighting that ive seen within the universe community. its hostile and bitter and i hate it. its died down since shalala, but i still see it. it makes me sick to my stomach.

[jennydreadfulofficial]

SO… I’ve been thinking about this post for quite some time and… I think I’m finally ready to make it.

This may not be a popular decision, but it’s one I feel is right for me… and, in fact, is probably long overdue: I am retiring from porn.

For realsies. And completely. In addition to not posting anything new, I’ll be removing any photos/videos of an explicit nature from wherever I have them. (I haven’t done it just yet, but I will soon.) Yes, this includes nudity. I know that I may never be able to erase those things from the internet completely, but I can control what I post myself.

Does this mean I am leaving the internet? Definitely not. I am hopelessly addicted. :-p And, that even includes posting (and keeping up past) “sexy” selfies, which I still get the urge to create here and there. (Like this last little set of photos.) That’s something I’m hopelessly addicted to, as well. :-p

I may even post the occasional, albeit censored, photo from my past for illustrative storytelling purposes. :-p In fact, I can’t even guarantee that I wouldn’t do something with my old content in the future. I have no plans for it, but if there’s one thing I’ve learned in my time, it’s to never say never.

For all intents and purposes now, though, I just feel like I need to draw a clear boundary between the past and the present/future. It hasn’t been an easy decision to make and I know I’ve sorta announced my retirement more than once. Just call me the Michael Jordan of porn. :-p

I have spent so much time with one foot in and one foot out of it, because it had become such a part of me… how could I ever just give it up, completely? Plus, what if I get in a financial bind in the future? Begging for money from, and offering more porn to my fans has always been my fallback.

Well, I finally realized that I need to be brave and burn it all down if I ever wanted something new to grow from the ashes.

That something new is the book (about my past) that I’ve been planning to write for SO long. It just finally became clear to me that I was never going to be able to start on that until I had an ending.

Plus, I need to get rid of the ever-present guilt of not updating for my “paying customers” as much as I should. :-p It’s always in the back of my mind: I should really get on there (wherever there is… lately it’s been Patreon) and post something. But then five million other things come up and whoops, it’s been several months since I posted anything again. It might be different if I could make a full-time living with this, like in the old days… but I can not. Not anymore.

And finally, on the off-chance, the book I write becomes popular/successful? Do I want it to be perceived as a way of advertising the porn I’m still selling? I do not.

Again, I just feel like this is the right decision for me, at this time in my life.

So, what am I gonna do from here on out? Again, there’s the book. I’m leaving my Patreon profiles up, but I do fully expect to lose patrons, especially once I take down the “good stuff.”

From here on out, my JenPM Patreon will continue to act as another one of my social profiles, with the usual selfies and stuff like that. :-p The extra part will come in the form of a place where I share all the behind-the-scenes, sneak-preview type stuff involved in creating the book. I’ll certainly continue to try and find stuff to share with patrons-only and you’ll be able to kind of watch me write this in real-time…. maybe even add feedback/input. :) I’ll probably go back and edit it a million times before I’m done. :-p But, yeah… if that’s something you’re interested in, please do feel free to stick around! And even if you don’t become/stay a patron, please do continue following my JenPM profiles on Tumblr, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, etc. I still fully intend on posting to those like I have been…

The Jenny Dreadful profiles/Patreon? One of the other things I’ve wanted to do is separate the JenPM and JennyDreadful personas. I even sorta “killed off” Jenny Dreadful for a bit… but then because I had so many people still following me there, I kind of started posting the same content to both sets of socials and all, to try and make sure I reach everyone. But, this is another case where I gotta just try to burn down the old to have the new bloom as it should.

I’m not gonna kill off Jenny Dreadful again. To be honest, I’m not exactly sure what I’ll be doing with her in the future, but I’m stil attached to her at the same time. :-p I’ve tossed around a lot of ideas, including turning her into kind of a comic book-type character. :-p I still feel like I want to do something with Ms. Dreadful! Just still working out where exactly I want to take her. :)

But yeah, definitely make sure you’re following me as “JenPM” because that’s where I’ll be doing all my actual posting, in the future. (And certainly, I’ll announce there if I come up with something for Jenny Dreadful.)

OK, I guess that’s it for now. Just… a huge thank you to all of you who have been following me for SO long…. it’s truly unbelievable to me, to this day. :) But I love it! Whether I’ve expressed it like I should or not, please know that I have always appreciated SO much, everything all of you have ever given me. It’s meant so much…. more than I can say… and obviously I can say a lot. :-p

[johnnyutah]

why is hermione granger censored like that in your quiz post?

ough some people have asked me this in the tags too so hang on.

tl;dr it was a joke.

but.... ok......... time to be crazy! 

for me hermione carries a lot of baggage now as a character. i don’t know if other people feel this way but whenever i see people posting gifs from the HP movies or quotes/headcanons from the books, i feel a slight distrust— and however slight, it’s not something that for me i can always readily dismiss. 

last summer one of my closest, nearly lifelong friendships drew to an awkward, shuddering close because we got in a fight about supporting jk rowling, and being trans, and supporting jkr AND being trans, and the everlasting significance of a piece of work that meant a lot to you while you were a kid or even as an adult, and what it feels like we should do when the creator of that piece of work has been a hateful, bigoted person. especially with harry potter, the books themselves get elevated higher than other fantasy series made for the same age groups. for instance part of the original premise of the first book was lightly lifted from an Eva Ibbotson novel, and all of her work is simultaneously much more complex and delivers better, clearer points with regards to morals and things children should be absorbing. 

the conversation i had with my old friend was cut short so we never got to delve into the conversation on any levels past comprehensive— we never got to discuss that some of the themes in harry potter are antisemitic, transphobic, classist, and racist. that my privilege meant that i didn’t ‘turn against’ harry potter while i was reading it, i only lost interest as i grew up and then started to observe the problems later as i gained experience and years. we never got to discuss things like people reclaiming hermione as black, or misguided attempts at finding LGBT representation in the series and the emotional weight that that carries for people. unfortunately our conversation ended due to heightened emotions and ideological differences. 

as for the author... i can’t roll with the ideologies that jkr is hatefully spreading and propping up with every action she takes. she is a beacon of hatred; she actively promotes the vilest, most transphobic things. thinking about some of the people that rowling has shared her platform with sickens me, because she is such a popular icon for women and a lot of people who are in the middle of the debate and who have never been around any trans activists have seen her posts and it has changed their minds about an issue they haven’t even fully comprehended. the evidence for that is disgustingly easy to find; literally just go look up british women’s groups and read about some of the issues there.

now. with all of that lingering on my mind. back to hermione. because hermione is an inspiring character for young children— an icon for girls. she speaks her mind, she reads, she’s brilliant, she stands up for causes that no one else seems to care about, she loves her friends and finds inner bravery to support them. 

hermione is also a self-insert character for jkr— this has been well documented across the years. and while i understand the writing process and i understand that this doesn’t make hermione a virulent transphobe, it can’t help but sour my perception of the beloved childhood icon. i dressed up as hermione for years when i was a kid; i work with kids now and they love her, all clamouring to play her in any game or defend her in any discussion. but it all feels a bit like there’s a giant elephant in the room, to me. thinking about how much i loved her when i was a child makes me cringe, and not in a ew! cringe! way.. more in the way of— how can i convince these kids to read better things that aren’t as popular? how much would i have changed if i had been introduced to more diverse book series at a younger age? and i don’t mean that my identity is so flimsy that it would have morphed into something completely different, but… i don’t know, just something ive been thinking about.

(and the spew thing.. hfhdhdhd we can’t fully get into this)

people have criticized hermione before— if you’re interested in genuine character problems, here’s an essay written by someone who cares about HP but that isn’t really my focus. i just censored hermione’s name as a joke because i thought we were all in on this. the community i’ve curated on tumblr feels a lot more inclusive to me than other social media so i didn’t think i would have to explain (to multiple people!) why i might censor one of the protagonist’s names from a popular series written by the world's most prominent transphobe. 

anyway there’s my little rant, if you made it to the bottom congrats. please don’t reblog this frankly just because i cannot deal with adult harry potter fans coming into my inbox. i hope i answered your question!

[strapskinkstories]

Tumblr. You baffle me and I’m a bit irritated right now.

I’ll be writing soon but I’m kind of out of the mood because of shit I’ve had to deal with between here and Twitter. So let me just air my laundry publicly here and you can see why exactly I am not producing videos or much writing lately.

Videos are hard work, production is a risky endeavor and every time is nerve racking to an extent. Getting in the vacbag with no air holes is a great feeling, that is until someone comes along and posts horrible murder evidence or B film footage with someone ziptied against will into a vacbag for murder. Way to go assholes, it’ll be at least a week before I’m back in the mood for a vacbag scene. As for the guy who posted the bad post, you should know better before you reblog stuff with blood or gore in it. If it looks non consensual DONT repost it!

Another blog gets the hammer.

Twitter world, the no nut November folks are an annoying drone worse than the hum of warehouse lighting.

Tumblr, just censored a post of mine with a dude fully clothed in rubber boots and a PVC farm apron covered in water and him in rubber gloves rubbing himself through it.

Way to go with the overzealous censors.

Won’t censor a probable murder evidence image that should be reviewed by FBI but flags an APRON!

I’m taking a break from Tumblr. I’ll be back for the weekend. Don’t expect me tomorrow.

Submariner77 & 666devilpvssy to the blacklist

[akasuki]

Tw ra*pe. Tw dr*wning. Tw kn*fe/ cut*ing someone. (I can’t remember what I’m allowed to say on tumblr so I’m gonna censor a lot srry). Maybe more tw’s I’m not sure just be careful reading this I just wanted to share this story and talk about something important. I decided to tell this story and talk about this point after I saw your stuff about gator and how people were talking about adults just assuming minors don’t know about p*rn and why it’s not a good idea and can be damaging espically if you are or plan on ever being a parent.

I hate how people treat minors like they’re blind to the world of p*rn. It’s so stupid, especially this generation social media has gotten so much better as well as access to info. It’s practically impossible to not hear about it. Even if you don’t have a device there’s ways to find about like public school. I personally have great parents who always normalized s*x . To me it was a normal thing that would happen when you get older and I am SO thankful to my parents for that because if made the story I’m about to tell so much easier.

When I was eight I was exposed to a darker side of porn by a family friends kid (she was 14 at the time I think maybe younger). It had consensual r*pe which is people basically role playing getting r*ped it also included Cut*ing, ki*napping, dr*owning, and other forms of to*ture. (I think it was roleplaying due to the fact the women were wearing heels and shit in a forest) To this day even though I have a sh*t memory I can remember almost every detail to this day from the outfits in the vid to the setup of the room we were watching it in. I’m still not fully sure how I did this but I somehow forced myself to forget it when I was younger (till I was about 13 I think). Which is quite dangerous because it could have caused me to develop split personality’s (where one is stuck is a 8 year olds mind and another acts as a defense and protects the other from trauma) . Now onto the point of this story as a kid my parents had normalized s*x as a thing that happens when your an adult. By doing that not only did it take away some of the shame of the hole experience but it also made me able to come to them and talk about it. (Which seriously helped haveing my parents there to support and help me through the trauma). Now I’m not saying as a parent you need to talk about s*x all the time all I’m saying is that you should normalize the idea of it and possibly of it happening. Most importantly DONT shame them on it. I completely get if they’re doing something like talking to an adult about it and you are worried about them. In that case do what you can to stop communication and talk to them about how it is wrong. Make sure they know it’s not ok but don’t shame or make them feel as though it was they’re fault.

Sorry if I rambled I just wanted to talk about how we need to normalize this stuff because if you don’t it can cause worse reactions to other bad stuff including fear of venting. Also do you think I could be 🕊 if not 🎨 ,🌻, or 🌼anon? I’ve been a lurker for a while and I would love to interact more!

I'm not very good at comforting, but I'm extremely sorry that that happened to you. No child should get exposed to something as traumatising as that could have been at a very young age. I do agree that parents should normalise subjects like sex etc. maybe not make it the only thing you talk about, but make it something natural that may happen when you get older, shaming the child isn't a way to go here. Yes you can be 🕊 anon! Welcome aboard :))

[starsandskies]

Art Recap 2020

Tagged by @ashalle-art and @cartadwarfwithaheartofgold ♥ Thank you both!

I’d usually do this for fan fiction, but since 2020 was a totally unproductive year when it comes to writing, I’ll stick to art.

Tagging: @spicevalleys, @briarfox13, @minilev, @refinedstorage, @theknifegame, @schoute, @scharoux, @jeannedarcprice, @uriellactaea, @oblivionscribe, @slothssassin, @badwolf626 and anyone who wants to do this! 

Artworks 2020 in total: 47 (not counting WIPs or unpublished art.)

Commissions: 13. 

The worst year so far, and I know many of you asked me for my waiting list and when I was going to open them again (I also know I said that’d be last November...), but considering what a pain in the ass 2020 has been (besides my bad health since summer) I decided to take it easy. 

I’ll reopen them soon, though. Just when I manage to find out what I want to offer and how, lol.

Personal work: 25 (not including giveaways of gifts for friends.)

New things I tried this year

I don’t even know! 

Okay, I think I tried to put some more effort into backgrounds, or I wanted to practice them more often than usual. I drew some settings for practicing (not published), and I tried to understand a little better how they’d work. 

Also, I tried to be more consistent with lighting in my drawings, taking to account the ambient light to pick the palettes and shades. This Eskel I drew for an art exchange with @minilev​ was the first one in which I said, “okay, let’s take it easy and think about what you want to do and show in this drawing. It could have been better, I know, but I’m still so proud of this one.

Artwork I spent the most time on

I hate using the cropped version (the full-size version on my Twitter!), but Tumblr doesn’t like this drawing, even the censored one. It took me a long time to finish it, but mostly because I was working on commissions and the same time and in the middle of our first lockdown... so everything was quite a mess around me, lol. But I kind of consider this drawing a turning point for me. It was going to be nothing but a personal sketch that ended up becoming the drawing that made me reconnect with an old passion, Dragon Age, and especially, with my comfort OTP.

Favourite thing I drew

Simple, sketchy, small, just a couple of hours of work, but my favorite for sure. Besides this one:

I worked on them at the same time, so I consider them as part of the same piece, so to speak.

Oh, and this one! I know, I was supposed to talk about just one drawing, but I can’t help it, lol.

Cropped version because of Tumblr shit T_T The thing is... this one was completely unexpected. I started it as part ot the black and white Kinktober pieces and then @minilev suggested that I should color it and well, who am I to say no? The steamy vampire sandwich gave me life, to be honest.

First artwork of the year

I started it back in November 2019, if I remember right, but it was a WIP I didn’t mean to finish until January 2020 when I started working on it and posted it. That’s why I count it as the first of the year. I noticed that I’d fucked up the flag, placing it in the wrong way, but honestly, I was too lazy to repaint it.

I still love this piece, though. I rendered it using the iPad Pro and the Apple Pencil 2 instead of my usual setting, and I’m still quite satisfied with it, especially with Jacob’s skin. Also, I feel that after almost a year, I’m starting to be able to look at FC5 art and not cringe at it; a little improvement, I guess. I’m not planning to draw any other FC5 personal stuff, though.  

Last artwork of the year

In theory, that’d be that last Kinktober piece featuring Fenris and Ailsa, but since it’s nothing but a b&w sketch, I’ll say that my last piece, or at least my last fully rendered artwork of the year is this one.

[woeismyhoe]

Spill the tea, what's the deal with you and the BSG group (avatar-chang and her squad in particular)?

Ok anon, sorry for taking so long! I wanted to get everything right and honestly collecting the posts took a longass time xD

Anyways, the only ones I have a problem there are avatar-chang, hexful/dykesia/bizukos, catrademption, cardboardseagulls (never seen interacted b4) and bizulas (also never interacted b4).

I’m going to be really transparent about this whole thing so it’s gonna be long as there’s gonna be several links and I’ve included the dates so it’ll be easier to understand. Since I’ll be fully transparent about this, i’ll probably get hate or whatever. Honestly, I just want to put everything out there without being biased or hiding anything. I’m going to disclose everything here.

So, the whole thing between me and avatar-chang started off with this post I made last year on 10 March 2019. Afterwards, she PMed me on the same day and this was the conversation:

After that, I thought the argument was over because she blocked me lmao. The only ones I spoke to about this was nbw and my real life friends (who had nothing to do with ATLA lmao I just ranted to them).

And then the next incident I think was on 16 March 2019 when I made this post about Azula’s abuse of her friends. I was new and 16. I genuinely wanted to know why people labeled Azula as an abuser. It was dykesia who responded to me at the time.

Now, unlike avatar-chang, I had a few conversations with dykesia (who was bizukos then) that was generally civil. I first interacted with her when she made a post calling out Zucest shippers or something?? I was very new. Like fresh newbie baby ATLA tumblr fan new lmao so I thought what she said was too aggressive. I didn’t realize that there were actual Zucest shippers until after some time. And then she PMed me on 13 March 2019, saying that she doesn’t always agree on characters with me but I do write some interesting pieces on Azula— that she’s a huge fan of Azula but she just tends to stay away from her fandom. I apologized about the previous incident of the Zucest thing and it was fine after then. We talked about zuko, the fandom, the comics, Mai etc etc. I thought we were on fine terms.

And then I made a post about the cliff scene in the comics on 16 March 2019. Avatar-Chang made a post that was pretty directed at the post but it seems like she’s deleted it.

On 17 March 2019, I received an anon mail telling me that avatar-chang was talking shit about me behind my back. I censored her name then because I didn’t want to believe without any evidence. No one sent me any screenshots about it so I just dismissed it.

On the same day, avatar-chang answered an anon and talked about the 13 child post theory I made on 9 March.

On 23 April 2019, I received another anon mail about avatar-chang, asking if I’d seen the post she made about Azula. I censored her name again cuz I didn’t want to start any shit over having differing opinions. I’m assuming this is the post the anon was referring to.

On 28 April 2019, dykesia/hexful/bizukos PMed me to ask if I was talking shit about other people behind their backs, and her. I denied this because I hadn’t. This was how the conversation went:

Yes, I didn’t censor any name because as I said, full transparency. I have afp blocked because we’ve clashed several times and he’d still come for my posts last year despite already being blocked. If you’ve followed me long enough, you probably would’ve rmbered that time lmao

Anyways during then, I don’t think I realized that dykesia was actually being passive aggressive. It’d been barely a year since I started the blog and I just didn’t want to full out make enemies. Reading the messages now tho lmao she really was passive aggressive. But yeah then she said this in bsg so I don’t even know why she bothered to ask me if she wasn’t even going to consider believing me.

The 9th of June 2019 was the last time she messaged and it was to ask if I mind her discoursing this Zuko post while ‘hard and drunk’. It was the first time she could apparently agree with me so it was I quote a ‘Yay??’. Afterwards I don’t know when she did it but she blocked me lmao

On 17 July 2019, I received another anon mail telling me that avatar-chang publicly called me a bitch when she was answering an anon about me posting the scans of the EK Chronicles. She mentioned this in bsg again on 19 April 2020 lmao (she’s that petty) it seems:

On November 8 2019, an anon (one of avatar-chang’s friends actually) asked about my thoughts towards the allegations against Aaron Ehasz. I still believe in the system of ‘Innocent before proven guilty’, so I didn’t side with anyone. I tried to be as objective as possible. When I said that I hoped men would also come forward, I said that because I don’t want men to just sit on the sidelines and let the women get the heat if they were telling the truth. At the end of this whole thing, I concluded that Ehasz was a dick of a boss to the girls. Being called an abuser carries more weight than just being a dick. Everyone has been a dick at one point, but being an abuser is something else. Just because Ehasz was a dick doesn’t mean I’m going to stop watching TDP or dismiss his involvement in ATLA.

The next day, BSG brought the issue up despite both avatar-chang having already blocked me by then lmao

On 5 February 2020, after Legacy of the Fire Nation came out, I made a post calling out Iroh’s bs to Azula (guy literally blames Azula for everything that happened to Zuko (something which avatar-chang agrees with apparently, and Iroh even sees Ozai in a better light).

That’s so far what I’ve remembered that involved avatar-chang and dykesia.

Moving on to the next three attackers: catrademption, cardboardseagulls and bizulas.

I’ve seen catrademption around, but I don’t remember if we’ve clashed before. We must have though cuz she’s got me blocked lmao and I mostly only debate back to people when they reply to my posts. For cardboardseagulls and bizulas, I don’t think I’ve ever seen them them before but obviously they’ve seen my blog and misinterpreted everything I’ve written.

But according to them, I’m apparently a Azula apologist, extremist, irrational, toxic, coddles and woobifies Azula, justifies everything she does and invalidates abuse victims.

You can see the posts I’ve made to judge whether I actually am an irrational Azula apologist who blames everything on Zuko. One of the most recent posts I made about Azula’s character is this, and there’s still several more posts like that. Just search #meta or #analysis in my blog search and all of them will just pop up. I can assure you, I have never acted as if Azula has done nothing wrong or did everything right or whatever lies these people are spewing.

If anyone has proof that I’ve talked shit about people in the fandom to other people before, please, present your evidence. I highly think this is impossible because I actually don’t have many friends on Tumblr, nor do I usually initiate conversation because I’m awkward af.

I’ve also tried approaching those I recognized in bsg to find out more about the situation (and at least give my side of the story). Most of them have chosen not to speak to me LMAO but one of them who’s chosen to remain anonymous for their privacy, admitted that dykesia (hexful) forced them to block a blog before (after realizing they were interacting with said blog) and if not, they would be blocked themselves. I can’t post the conversation publicly because they’re afraid their speech mannerism will give away their identity. @space-sword has also shared his experience with avatar-chang on his blog and was pressured to cut off ties with ppb21 just to join the oh so magnificent Ba Sing Gay.

There’s absolutely no reason to judge someone based on their sexual orientation, race, color or age either. They rant about being discriminated against or being generalized or stereotypes but they’re the ones hypocritically committing these actions, and then justify their actions by saying ‘we’re oppressed, they’re not, so it’s not racism or discrimination’. And yet people still wonder why discrimination is still rampant LMAO

I can’t speak for the blogs they victimized in bsg, but I personally don’t agree with talking shit about them on a public server and then criminalizing them as if they’re actually predators. I also don’t agree with involving the blogs’ friends simply because of their association. I also don’t agree with demanding people to block blogs they don’t like because that’s just pure manipulation. That’s wrong and marginalizing people. Unless someone has actually been harassing or literally preying on people, then there’s no reason to actually go around warning blogs about them unless they’re asked about it.

If they feel uncomfortable about something? Then avoid that blog, filter their tags or even block that blog if they’re that uncomfortable—BUT they shouldn’t demand others to do the same just for their own benefit. It’s not up to them to decide what a person can or cannot see or who they can or cannot interact with. They’re not their parents, and they obviously have no right to pressure people into doing things they don’t want to. If they think it tactless that I shared the conversations? Oh honestly, a line was crossed when they spread shit about me so idc. If they actually feel terrible for being called out? GOOD. That’s what they should feel, because in no way was any of what they were doing right or justified. If they’re going to shit on me then expect to be burned because I’m not someone who’ll just shrivel in fear because they have a bigger following.

[ninjakasuga]

Sonsal Celebration Day 6

Day Six of the celebration of best furry couple by @boundforfreedomsonsal continues! Admittedly I’ve been watching eagerly for this day as this was honestly the first of the prompts I worked on. Having finished reading @archiesoniconline ‘s fan-project version of issue 249 and 250 (in which Sally was deroboticized huzzah) and the signs of Sally dealing with the obvious aftermath; I was inspired. Add in inspiration from a few pages of Glitcher’s Sonic Retold series, and well I had material to work with. I recommend if you want to see a faithful fan continuation of the pre-reboot Archie-Sonic era give ASO, a shot or even pay Glitcher’s DA page ( https://www.deviantart.com/glitcher ) a visit. Since the old comics are never going to see an official revisit we fans are the only ones who will see our beloved characters flourish so give these guys and other fan projects a looksie! Also the lovely, AMAZING art work provided for this prompt was by the amazing @foxinadress​  seriously this amazing artist deserves praise. I recommend not only giving his Tumblr a visit but check their various art platforms and Patreon.

One last Author note; there is some pushing of the PG-13 as per usual, but at this point you guys expect that from me. XD Also while this takes place in my little Sonic fic-verse, it’s out of chronological order, taking place between the Double Date and Surprise prompt episodes.

HURT:

Looking out at the forest beyond Sally Acorn didn’t seem to pay mind to the setting sun, nor did she react to the sounds of the far off cheers coming from the city nearby. There was a lot to celebrate, between the Deathegg being put out of commission, for Naugus being exposed and dealt with, everyone was in a party mood. As much as she didn’t care to dwell on it, the Princess knew a chunk of the celebration was for her own safe return after spending a few months as Mecha Sally.

A few horrible, painful months where she felt like she was trapped inside her own body, unable to do anything but the screaming impulses of Eggman’s whim. She’d be lying if she didn’t thoroughly enjoy seeing his shattered expression as he fled from the Deathegg as the vile creation was torn apart by explosions before crashing into one of his bases it was poised above. It almost made up for the hell she endured.

Yet that joy felt somehow hollow still and it bugged her incessantly. She was back home, her friends and family safe, the Kingdom was safe, and yet… Sally couldn’t fully feel right. She did not feel like she deserved to be there, enjoying the celebration with everyone else. The squirrel-munk hated how she felt, not when her friends, and especially a certain Hedgehog, fought like hell to get her back. Closing her eyes Sally felt the raging memories she tried to suppress coming back. Of her time as Mecha-Sally, from being used as a tool to harm, maim, and kill her friends. Thankfully the latter never happened, but plenty of the former happened; and then there was the recollection of when she was weaponized.

A deep shudder ran through her as she curled her legs closer to her chest, her breathing reaching almost hyperventilating levels as she tried to fight down the terror and panic. By the Neo-Walkers, the Almighty, and any Deity that truly was out there, it was like watching someone dismember you and be AWAKE through it all! In lieu of blood was oil, and yet every part ripped out might as well have been an appendage or organ! While a Robian was made of wires and metal they still had a ‘core’ representing their life-force. When Eggman was taking her apart and enjoying it, her ‘core vitals’ went crazy as if even as a machine her body and true mind knew of the violation being done to her. She nearly died just because Eggman wanted to be sadistic as he prepped her to be a killing machine against all she loved.

Even a week after being deroboticized, she couldn’t shake those vague but potent recollections. Sally was able to suppress and bury most of her trauma by focusing on deposing Naugus before he took the Kingdom down with him, but now that she was left alone to her thoughts; she couldn’t drown it all out.

So lost in her own mind, her ears didn’t even twitch as a familiar ‘sonic-boom’ echoed nearby, signaling the arrival of a certain someone. The flag on the pole she sat beside on the hill of FF Headquarters, began to wave and bob from the sudden gust of wind, along with her hair and vest. Yet Sally didn’t truly seem to pay attention any until a warm hand, gently settled on her shoulder.

“Yo Sal, you okay?! You’re shaking all over!” A concerned voice uttered as the hand moved from her shoulder, and now two entire arms began to gently wrap around her, pulling her into the lap of the owner of said arms. At the feel of his warmth behind her back, Sally instinctively nestled against him, and let out a shaky breath. “I-I’m okay Sonic, jus-just a little chilly is all.”

“Bullshi-er-baloney…” Quipped back the fastest Hedgehog alive as he self-censored himself from uttering a more potent and crass choice of phrase. As he gently rested his chin atop her head, Sonic softly began to gently sway his body, rocking Sally in their embrace as he sought to help her deal with her woes. “You can’t pull a fast one over on me, I know you Sally, and this?” He gestured to her entirely. “This ain’t the wind giving you chills.” His usual jovial tone was dialed all the way to deep concern as his hands remained locked around her waist. “Talk to me Sal, please talk to me.”

Swallowing hard, Sally none-the-less tried to ease his concern with false-assurance. Not easy when those emerald orbs looked at her like that. She loved his eyes but the way he looked at her with concern and love, it almost made things feel worse because she didn’t want him to worry about her. “It’s just a little shake, and bad memories I’ll be fine-.” Interrupting her, Sonic kept his tone even, but a firmness trickled in. “Sally, don’t play this off. Now isn’t the time to pretend you’re not hurting. We sent Naugus packin’ and Egg-butt is still reeling from his toys being broken. Right now the only thing this Hedgehog cares about is the well-being of the woman in my arms. You, numero uno, the one and only Princess Sally, Acorn. The woman I love.” His hand traced along her cheek, making her lip quiver. “You’re hurting, let me help you Sal, right now we have nothing to worry about but us right now. Don’t shut me out, not this time, or ever, please. Now’s the time to let it all out because we dunno when we might get another break.”

His pleas tugged at her heart-strings, his devotion and love for her making her feel wonderful; yet awful at the same time with how her conflicted mind felt. Yet those words she didn’t know she needed to hear, eroded what resistance had been left in Sally. She crumbled like a dam that had burst after too much neglect. Turning her body in his embrace, she buried her face into his neck and sobbed, and just gushed, everything in her spilling out in tandem with the hot tears, leaking from her eyes. “I still remember being weaponized, being taken apart piece by piece, Eggman not caring if he nearly killed me in the process. I saw my own limbs and other pieces just, discarded as he smiled and hummed to music!” A deep shudder ran through her body as she clung to Sonic even more. She began to hiccup but kept talking. “Then he sent me out after everyone… I wish it was a blur, but every image is potently burned into my brain! I remember being used against everyone… I-I almost killed you, my brother, Lupe, Antoine, everyone I cared for and loved… How I managed to not kill anyone I don’t know!”

Shaking her grip on him tightened as more hot tears rolled from her eyes, matting the fur of his shoulder and neck. “When I wasn’t out in the field he made plan out methods to attack the Kingdom, or how to use my knowledge of my friends to use psychological warfare to break you all… I was even tasked to come up with methods to-to assassinate everyone!” Her voice grew hoarse as the lump in her throat got worse, along with the hiccuping. “I made fifty plans for you alone…” 

Deep, burning anger, filled Sonic as much as his desire to comfort and console his best friend and love of his life. The latter won out, and so he mentally filed away his desire to race to wherever Eggman ran off too for the time being and pound his face into jelly. A rage that surpassed the killing desire he felt when fighting the original Robotnik one last time just burned in him, to the point it scared him. Mentally berating himself, Sonic tried to refocus his mind. Sally needed him, and not off fulfilling a vendetta. With one hand, he began to rub up and down her back gently, as the other rested against the back of her head; stroking her auburn tresses as she sobbed against him. “Oh, Sally…” Sonic wanted to make the pain all go away, but knowing he couldn’t just snap a finger and do so, the Hedgehog continued to cradle Sally in his arms.

Sonic was known for his fast-talking, use of quips, and using humor to play off the more dreary elements of what was going on. Keeping upbeat and focusing ahead and ready to move on without looking back much. This was not one of those times he could be flippant on the issue. Yet he wasn’t sure what to say, could he really say anything that could make it all better, even a little? He had to try. “That wasn’t you though-.”

Sally’s tear-stained face pulled away from Sonic’s chest, sending him a glare that could kill, if she didn’t look so emotionally wrecked. “Don’t bull-crap me Sonic Hedgehog, I remember doing all those things!! Me, all me! Eggman let me keep my free will so he could use my tactical prowess and memories and-.”

Interrupting her, Sonic let a low growl leave his throat as he shook his head fiercely. “That wasn’t you Sally Acorn!! I’ve been roboticized too, and I know how that song and dance went!” Shaking his head he placed a soft kiss to her forehead as he held her close still. “Buttnik didn’t give my mind as much leeway as Eggman gave you, but I wasn’t some common bot-job either. Point is you’re still programmed to follow their rules. Just like Robuttnik made me do as he wanted despite any freedom of tactical thinking he left me.” He grit his teeth trying to suppress both his memories of that time and his growing anger. 

“The same applies to you being made to follow that- that, F**King Egg-face’s orders!” He cried giving in and cursing, using a word even he rarely uttered which caused Sally to gasp and stare at him in shock. Something Sonic took advantage of to press on with his words. “Even if you were given some mental free-reign Eggman still wanted dominance and control, meaning he was still using you like a puppet. You were still doing things you did not want to do deep down, because the Sally I know, the Sally I love would never do any of that of her true free will.”

Lip quivering Sally sniffled again, her grip on him tightening some. A fresh wave of doubt, both of her current crisis and old ones creeping into her mind. “Sonic, why? Ho-how could you still love me after all I did? All that I put you and the others through-?”

He interrupted her again with a kiss, soft, and quick, after breaking it his hands gently frame her face. “Because I can, because I do love you, and want to help you through this. Just like you did for me after I was roboticized and used against you all. Remember I wanted to die, but you not only turned me back but helped me deal with the aftermath.” Gently ‘booping’ her nose, he flashed her one of his soft smiles. “I still owe you a makeup date since, well the last one got interrupted by all the blow-out from the Nicole paranoia.”

Softly hiccuping for a moment as she tried to compose herself, Sally found herself slowly smiling if just a thin one. “Even if your girlfriend is a mess? Sonic I-I don’t know if I can trust myself, even if a part of me knows you’re right…” Laying her hands over his, she shook as another wave of doubt and sadness took her. “That was still me, what if what I went through woke up some nasty side of me, a part of me that willingly became a monster to-to ‘get the job done’?”

Firming shaking his head, Sonic leans in, his nose touching hers as his emerald eyes stare into her soft blue peepers. “Then the monster’s gonna have’ta deal with having me around to poke her or wag a finger in her direction. That said I don’t think there’s a monster, just the most amazing woman ever doubting herself. I understand some of what you’re going through Sal, and what I don’t I’m still here to help you along the way. We’ll get through this together like we always do.”

A true, warm, and wide smile crept onto Sally’s face before outright overtaking it. Leaning closer, her forehead, and his touch as she let herself be lost in his emerald gaze. “I don’t deserve you.”

Making a ‘hmm’ of deep thought, the hedgehog just flashed his trademark cocky smile back at her. “Hmm, judges say that’s hogwash. I think the Princess deserves nice things.”

Sally lifted an eyebrow, her mouth quivering as she barely withheld making a ‘snerk’ sound. “So you’re a nice thing?”

“Ten out of ten agree, when you go Sonic, you don’t go back.” He chimed in a sing-song, cheesy tone. Just happy to see her expression lighting up.

A happy laugh left Sally’s lips as she slid her arms around his neck. “I’ll give you that, I’d be lying saying otherwise.” Leaning closer, still staring into Sonic’s eyes, Sally craned her head to the side still leaning in. “I still think I don’t deserve you-.” “Sal-.” She put a finger to his lips. “However, I am very, very happy that you still love and want me even with all my flaws, and baggage.” “Like I’m not flawed-?” She interrupted him again, “Not finished, the bottom line is- oh screw it! I love you too, now kiss me!”’ Deciding words weren’t enough and anything else she said would be a mere retread of words already spoken. She removed her finger from his lips and closed the distance. Planting a big, ol’ wet, and hungry kiss against the Hedgehog’s lips. To which Sonic’s only response was to make a surprised if pleased sound and eagerly return the kiss. Each tightening their hold on the other as the sun fully began to set, and soon the sky lit up with fire-works from the celebration in the city. Almost as if to mirror the setting sun, giving way to the moon and the night; their kissing grew more passionate. Simple lip-to-lip meshing gave way to dueling tongues and their grip on each other began to pet and rub at the skin under their fur, as a heat grew between them.

Shrugging a shoulder, Sally let her vest start to fall off. Noticing this, Sonic started to grasp the article to help slide it back in place, but one of her hands grasped his wrist to stop him. “Don’t.” She pleaded, heat in her voice, her still tear-wet eyes opening to look into his. “I need you Sonic, I want to feel you all of you, kissing me, holding me, on me, in me…” Her soft words carried a mix of soft pleas from the inner turmoil she still felt; intermingled with a sensual huskiness that underlined her desire to be loved and make the pain go away.

Any argument about being out in the open, died without Sonic even uttering the thoughts. Certainly, the concern of being walked upon was there; as far from prying eyes as Freedom Fighter HQ was, they were sitting on top of the grassy hill on top of it. Anyone could wander by and get, well one hell of a show. 

Sally’s loving, needy gaze, and soft pleas killed any objections as Sonic, helped her remove the vest and their kissing resumed. It was probably in their favor that the fireworks show went on as long as it did, dulling out sounds, a pretty distraction and if both Sally and Sonic were, to be honest, ambiance to the oldest dance they were engaged in without a care in the world besides each other.

Robotnik couldn’t destroy them, and neither would Eggman, they would endure as long as they had each other.

[kuriquinn]

Dear Mr. Kuri, thank you so much for your recent post concerning the young artist who was effectively censored from sharing his/her/their art on a particular subject (just... so sad). I was hoping to get your thoughts on how adults might navigate interactions with minors in this space. Specifically, extending our support for their work w/out necessarily... engaging with them. I know this sounds crazy stupid but before tumblr I wasn't really active on any social media and I had no idea (cont'd)

there were so many users under the age of 16 on this site. I've even come to learn that some identified users I had interacted with early on were as young as 13, and as someone in my 30's - tbh that scared the shit out of me. I totally agree that someone that young and impressionable would be crushed by the kind of criticism that poor artist faced, and would likely never create or share again... to their detriment. The thing is though, I feel really hesitant following any creator (cont'd)

that isn't 18 or older... What are your thoughts on following/reblogging/interacting with minors in fandom? I fully agree that they need support, especially from older users who don't care what some stranger on the internet has to say... but I just feel... like I don't know how to go about that the right way. I really REALLY don't want minors on my blog at all... sorry to bother you with this, just wondering how you'd suggest handling this. I didn't comment on the post bc I didn't (cont'd)

want to risk that young artist reading my inquiry and feeling even more alienated. As always, thank you for your time and insight. - Birk

I may go a bit off-topic here, but let me give this a try:

I think in, In the end, it all comes down to communication and mutual respect.

Adults have this pervading mentality that until a child hits 18, they need to be infantilized and sheltered, but once they pass that magical number, then it’s a free for all. So, for eighteen years, it’s all about sticking a Potemkin village in front of any idea, person or situation that a child might find uncomfortable (read: they don’t like the feelings it gives them; very different from actual harmful ideas/persons/situations). Then, these sheltered almost-adults enter public spaces and expect society to keep doing that…when it turns out that’s not how it works, they become toxic.

This is how poisonous movements like purity-culture develop online, or new fans who demonize older fans and adults as being perverts for enjoying the very same pastimes they have.

For those of us interacting with these people, the automatic reaction is to “cancel” that person, thereby alienating and isolating them even more in their bad behavior. Instead of taking the time to talk with and try to show them through actions that the world isn’t limited to what they know.

As adults in fandom, we know that a large majority of the fandom is younger, because we were them once. We were that 12-year-old discovering fanfiction existed or sharing drawings we made of our original Harry Potter characters or quoting our favorite movies and televisions ad infinite. We got shit for it in real life, so we had to create spaces of our own online.

We, in effect, built fandom so that it would be more welcoming for the generations that came after us. And while a lot of us stick to that unwritten knowledge, as the years pass, a lot more become gatekeepers. They set a standard of what a fan must know or do to be considered a “real” fan, and they’re mean about how they do that.

Is it any wonder that new fans coming in experience this behavior and then jump on the “adults in fandom is creepy” bandwagon?

These new fans coming in, especially tweens and teens, they still live in this false reality where they only get to enjoy themselves and be kids for a limited amount of time, and once they Become Adult they have to give it all up—and can’t figure out why all those old creeps online are still a part of such “childish” things.

That fault lies squarely on our society, which pushes kids from a young age to be thinking of what they want to do when they grow up so they can get out there and start producing, producing, producing for the state and becoming a “useful” member of society.

We as fandom veterans, need to do our best to teach them differently, and that comes right back to my point: communication and mutual respect.

Older fans need to respect newcomers, as much as the new baby fans need to learn to respect their fandom elders. There is no maximum age for fandom; there’s no minimum age, either, although the younger the fan, the more their parents should be keeping an eye out for the truly damaging stuff and teaching their kids how to avoid that stuff on their own.

Now, obviously, people don’t always announce online how old they are (though it does happen more frequently now than when I started writing), but regardless, there should be a certain etiquette to it.

When you interact with someone online, you don’t know if they are 15 or 50. And the way you interact with them shouldn’t change based on knowing their age. We should maintain the same level of respect for the new fans as the older fans.

So, as to how adults might navigate interactions with minors (especially when you know they’re minors)?

Treat them as any other intelligent human being: with respect.

Because how else are they going to learn?

My mom always used to say to us, “I’m not raising children, I’m raising adults,” which basically meant she was teaching us how to be adults. Kids don’t pop out of the womb magically knowing how to interact with the world, they take their cues from the adults that are already there.

Fandom babies learn how to be active participants in fandom from the people who are already there. And they’re more likely to listen to and look up to someone that treats them as a mature and capable being, than someone who dismisses them as too young or too green, or dismisses their knowledge and experience because they haven’t earned their metaphorical stripes.

Remember, a lot of these kids are coming to fandom because they need an outlet. In this age of helicopter parents, this is the only place where they get to be treated as an individual adult-in-the-making instead of the overly protected child or student that must be shielded from the world. A lot of them are trying to figure out how to deal with the horrors that happen to them or around them every day. That 16-year-old girl writing a rape/non-con fic under a pseudonym? She could be exorcising her own demons through the only way she has because no one in her life is listening to her. That 14-year-old writing about homelessness might know more about it than someone twice his age.

Expertise and experience knows no age, and as adults, we need to not fall into the trap of thinking it does. There are some kids out there that have seen and endured more than I can even imagine.

In recent years, there’s been this trend of treating kids like sexless beings until we, the adults, deem them capable of having a sense of sexuality. When the reality is, once kids start puberty, they’re developing that sexuality, and are trying to figure out what it means to them and how to navigate it, and the world. It doesn’t matter if adults are uncomfortable with it, this is what our human biology has decided for us.

And chances are, as much as adults try to curate the world and keep kids from seeing the darker, less safe stuff? They’re already doing it. I saw this when I was teaching, the kids are already accessing and interacting with stuff like sex, drugs, relationships… Whenever a faceless censor tries to block that sort of thing, they find a way around it. Humans are funny like that—we want the things that are kept away from us, whether harmful or not.

It’s our responsibility to help them think critically about what they’re seeing, and teach them to express themselves about it in a respectful manner.

So by all means: follow that amazing artist even if they are only 15. Their age doesn’t negate the fact that they have talent that needs to be nurtured and encouraged. Reblog the images and the fics that strike you, even if you find out the person writing it isn’t 18 yet. Send a shoutout via DM or review or comment to someone that you admire whether you know they’re age or not.

Unless you’re being actively creepy and offensive (and seriously, don’t do that, it’s gross whether the recipient is a minor or not), chances are these creators are desperate for some assurance that the medium they choose to express themselves in is having an effect on people—and that they have the power to make even adults sit up and listen.

So…TL;DR:

When interacting with younger fans, do so with respect. And if they say something problematic, don’t automatically cancel them and write them off as “obviously too young and immature to understand”. They understand more than you think and will seek out their interests whether adults think it’s appropriate or not. That’s how freedom works. But if we’re going to nip bad behavior like purity culture and agism in the bud, we need to start by treating minors in fandom as adults developing their worldview, not as infants to be sheltered.