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#this is funny to me and me alone and that's all that matters
dr3amofagame · 3 days
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thinking about c!dream earlier on in the server just makes me sad man. like, c!dream has never been a perfect character. he's always been flawed, always been a bit of an asshole, always had control issues. but also he knew that. he tried to work on that. he and tommy were friends, despite being flawed people with their own issues that would bump into conflicts because of the ways that they differed. c!dream tried, god, he tried; he wasn't even on the server, when the drug van happened, and walked into a place with someone who was practically a stranger to him building a wall and calling for war and having turned half the people dream knew against him, apparently, for no reason that he could've known at the time, and he had looked straight at tommy and tubbo and asked if that was what they really wanted when wilbur told them that there was no such thing as dual citizenship. he tells tommy when he has to sell a disc for spirit's leather even though tommy had surrendered the discs to him at the end of the revolution because he knows it'll matter to him. he and tommy truce, multiple times, and c!dream gets tangled into conflicts that literally don't involve him repeatedly and gets targeted Because He's Dream repeatedly and he plays along with that trivia contest and he gives gifts to fundy and tommy after terrorizing them a little for fun and he plays along with the dreamon thing and he keeps getting pulled into fights that weren't his but tries to make them a little more fair when they get him involved. he fucks around with tommy and they have fun, they're friends, and when he and wilbur look like they're in danger dream is one of the first to find them and lend them real, practical, valuable aid. he calls himself "Big D" in that book and he tells the man that wrote him as a tyrant that he doesn't want to be a villain in the story anymore. he asks tommy if he's okay, and watches that kid's back when he walks alone and unarmed into manberg, and fights with him at the battle of the lake and all of that is thrown back in his face as being a lie. half the intial community structures that exist were built by him; the community house, the nether portal and hub, the prime path. during a time where every other piece of leverage got burned or killed (rip the casualties of the pet war), dream was kind of known for being one that could be fairly traded with, that would minimize permanent damage. the kills in the final control room were originally to strip lmanburg of their gear, which he had kept in a chest so it could be returned to them after the war.
like no c!dream isn't perfect at the beginning of the server. yes he's kind of a jerk sometimes, kind of an asshole sometimes, kind of neurotic most of the time. but god dammit like c!dream does try to mitigate the worst of his control issues, when they flare up early on; the initial disc war ends with tommy getting his discs back as well as a stack of diamonds, in exchange for a netherite chestplate. he's a flawed character and he's still someone pretty friendly on the whole to most of the server, he's also kind of just known for being a little weird. he gives gifts randomly. he fixed creeper holes, and houses, and went along with bits. like whatever im a c!drolo c!dream woobifier and i admit it lol but for as much evil as he ends up doing, pretty damn consistently early on, he's . friendly? kind? funny? helpful? their neighbor. their friend. c!dream isn't just some stranger that flew off the handle; he's someone they knew and lived with who had his actions taken in bad faith because the goddamn story said so and kept fucking trying anyway until he believed the lie too. like he was just a guy!! a guy they knew and lived with!!! like my god
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Dating Lyney
Day #1 of writing for my beloved in an attempt to coerce him into showing up early. Come home, my little magician, I need you!
Please feel free to send me requests for what you want to see next!
Fandom: Genshin Impact Character: Lyney Warnings: Fluff, magic. Some mild spoilers for the Fontaine archon quest. Note: Some people consider Lyney to be a minor, so keep in mind that he's 18+ in this, even though there's no NSFW.
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So you wanna date the rizzler huh? You'd better be prepared, because he's the world's biggest flirt. It literally never stops, no matter if you've been together five weeks or five years. He's always going to have something suave to say, always going to keep surprising you with little magic tricks. It's just how he is, especially when he's passionate about something - or someone. You'd best be ready to hear him say he loves you twenty times a day, and you'd better say it back, too, or else he'll get that adorable pout on his face and hit you with the puppy dog eyes. Sometimes you wonder if the man has a serious bone in his entire body or if Lynette inherited them all, but you know him better than that.
Lyney is such a gentleman. He's ridiculously charismatic, but he's also so, so sweet. He'll do anything and everything for you. He pulls out chairs for you, holds your hand while walking - you'll definitely have to stop him from draping his cape across puddles for you like they do in the movies. It's a little cheesy, sure, but it's so endearing with that sweet, lovesick smile on his face, and you can't help but love him more for it.
He's a very observant person. It just comes with the territory. He's trained himself to pick up on the subtlest little details, and while this primarily applies to magic and his work, but it also applies very heavily to you. He notices everything about you, from what you order at restaurants you go to on dates to what color clothing you prefer to wear to the way your tone and expression naturally shift as you talk about different topics. He memorizes you, so much so that he'll surprise you with things you've mentioned once in his presence, or perhaps not at all - he's quite good at putting pieces together and figuring out things behind the scenes, after all. You once asked him if he had the ability to read your mind after he pulled a slice of your favorite cake out of his hat, and he merely laughed and replied, "a magician never reveals his secrets, my dear~"
Speaking of which, his laugh is one of your favorite sounds in the whole world. The little chuckles and laughs peppered throughout his speech are lovely, of course, but you know they're mostly part of the show he plays for the audience. Your true favorite is the way he laughs when you're alone with him, when you say or do something funny or catch him off guard. There's something so magical about it, like you're getting a private glimpse of his beautiful soul. One of your favorite memories is when you got him to laugh so hard he could barely breathe, a genuine smile stretched across his face and a delightful sparkle in his eyes.
During the early part of your relationship, he's very guarded and secretive, despite his open and outgoing persona. Depending on your thoughts about the organization, he might attempt to hide being a Fatuus from you, just because he's terrified of your reaction. He puts a lot of effort into appearing absolutely perfect, because he believes you deserve nothing less than perfection. Even if he is honest about his work, he holds back his innermost feelings and desires for quite some time, continuing to play the part that is required of him. He cares dearly about you, and he's not about to let you go because of a careless misstep on his part.
It takes him some time before he learns to be vulnerable with you. He's so convinced that he always has to be perfect, that he has to be strong for his siblings and for you, and he doesn't allow himself to show any of the negative emotions that haunt him day after day. Slowly but surely, however, you will break that wall down - brick by brick, if you must. He begins to lower his guard when you are alone, to let the mask slip and show his true feelings, even if they aren't glamorous, even if he hates them. Once he trusts you enough to show you the truth that he hides from even his siblings, your relationship grows even closer.
Writing Masterlist 🐝 Requests Open! Tag List 🐝 @mossmosis
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coolshadowtwins · 6 hours
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Barbie Princess and the Pauper.
SVSSS.
If you make SY Annalise, and SJ Erika, that fits with their backstories. The princess is the rich kid and the pauper is the former slave. (The image of SJ glaring at SY instead of singing ‘I’m just like you~’ is so funny to me.)
Then that would make LBH Julian, Annalise’s tutor. As I started writing this post, I was going to argue flipping SY and SJ around, because it would make sense for LBH to be King Dominic, but then I actually thought things through.
You have Prince Shen Yuan, who is going to be married to a foreign king to save his kingdom. He doesn’t want to do it. All he wants to do is read his trashy books, and is actually a little in love with his servant LBH, but he will for his people. Duty and all that.
Shen Jiu works in a dress shop in town. They don’t own him, technically. Not in the same way his past masters did. But in every way that matters, really. He owes them a great deal of money, so he can’t leave. And it’s… fine. It’s not the worst job, even if he will be working there forever after his childhood friend tragically abandoned him. But he gets food most days and the ladies (other than the owner) like him. This doesn’t stop him from being a angry, bitter man, of course. He’s still SJ after all lol
They may or may not sing a duet about doing what’s right, in the name of duty.
SY wants to see the city, just one time before he’s trapped in the castle! So LBH takes him downtown, where SY runs into SJ. They may or may not have a musical number about how much they look alike.
Then, like the movie, SY gets kidnapped. I don’t know who Preminger is here. I thought about it, and I can’t decide who to put there. It can’t be LBH’s family, tho, because then why is he there as a servant??? Anyway, SY gets kidnapped, so LBH drags SJ kicking and screaming to the castle to play the Prince while he investigates on the side. They may or may not have a musical number about LBH trying to teach SJ to be a Prince.
But then SJ has to go on a date with SY’s fiancé! And it turns out!!! The foreign king is YQY!!!!
YQY had thought SJ dead. He’s been practically a zombie for years, believing that he had failed SJ, and ruling the kingdom on autopilot. Why is he a king now? Uh, long lost son or something. Anyway, when he sees SJ, pretending to be SY, he freezes up. But then he convinces himself that it can’t be SJ! Because this is SY, obviously, who has very dedicated records keeping tract of the fact that yes, the Prince was indeed the prince his entire life and not a former slave. So he spends this entire date upset that he’s falling in love and betraying/replacing SJ.
On SJ’s part, he’s also upset about how much he likes YQY. He doesn’t recognize YQY as Qi-Ge, of course, but it still feels like he’s replacing him. Also, this isn’t his life. This isn’t his fiancé. Either SY will come back, and marry him and SJ will go back to the dress shop alone. Or SJ will stay the Prince forever, with the knowledge that none of this was every his, and he only got it by stealing another man’s life.
They may or may not sing a romantic duet that hides all the angst they are feeling.
Of course, SJ gets found out rather quickly after that. LBH has been caught and thrown in with SY, leaving no one to stop SJ from going to jail for the disappearance of the Prince. YQY is devastated to hear that SJ would do something like that, but more than that, YQY is elated to hear that this isn’t SY. It’s an unknown SY look alike, and how many of those can there be out there??? This has to be SJ, and now YQY has to help him out of prison.
Then SY and LBH escape, and come save the day, and find precious geodes to save the kingdom, etc etc etc. SY and LBH confess to each other, and live happily ever after, while YQY (after breaking SJ out of prison in a very illegal way) tearfully tells SJ that he is sorry and that he thought he was dead and he couldn’t find him and-
SJ, who just got broken out of prison by the foreign king that he had went on a date with earlier by pretending to be someone else, can only stare as he realizes that this is Qi-Ge.
SJ strings him along for a year until he feels he can accept any apology. And then they get married, because he is not passing up the chance to be a ruler of a country. Who do you think he is??
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anyarose011 · 14 hours
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Emotional Motion Sickness {Angus Tully x Reader}
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Summary: When it's only you, your father, Mary, and Angus left behind at Barton for Christmas, you and the boy (who you were an asshole to, but in all fairness, he was one to you too) decide to get to know each other; whilst sneaking around the school.
Part 3 of ?? (Part 1 , Part 2)
Warnings: Teddy Kountze (but not for long), swearing, underage drinking, mentions of past harassment, mention of pornography, and extremely long monologues that I think would be great audition material because I'm delusional :) .
Come get y'all juice (this shit was so much longer than I expected). This may be part 3 in the series, but this is part 1 of songs that are Agnus Tully/Reader coded. And also part 2 of you guys not being able to escape being an awkward teenager just because this is fanfiction. Enjoy!
Word Count: 7.1k
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You didn’t talk to anyone the day after you told Angus Tully he didn’t have any friends (well…of course you talked to your father and Mary, but the boys? No; not even the freshmen).
It was warranted; you punched Teddy in the face, you ignored Jason, and Ye-Joon and Alex were probably afraid of you at that point. Angus had the biggest excuse of them all of course, and while you actually felt bad (to your own surprise), you couldn’t bring yourself to actually approach and apologize at the time. Call it pride, call it cowardice, but you suddenly felt so ashamed you couldn’t even speak to him.
So, save for the talks you had with Mary in preparing meals, the nighttime check-ins with your father, you kept your nose stuck in a book. You ignored Teddy’s glare (while also checking over your shoulder every time you passed by him), only gave slight nods to the younger boys, and Jason didn’t even bother talking to you about what he said the day before. Angus, apparently despite not talking to each other, had perhaps the most civilized of silent discussions with you. You would only make eye contact with each other…but somehow, just somehow, there was a bit of understanding between the two of you.
You also had given him your spare toothpaste along with his payment of chocolates and cigarettes for waking you up because you noticed that he was running low. He gave you this…look. Not one of disgust, but he was confused beyond belief, and you swore he was in his own little world as you talked about your reasoning and all he did was stare at you.
Weirdo.
The day after that, making it the sixth day of being stuck at the school, you were sitting on a stool in the kitchen, reading to Mary as she prepped for lunch. “‘Reader, I married him. A quiet wedding we had: he and I, the parson and clerk, were alone present. When we got back from church, I went into the kitchen of the manor-house, where Mary was cooking the dinner and John cleaning the knives, and I said— ‘Mary, have you ever been in love before?’”
You paused, looking up from your book and watching as the Mary in front of you was doing what the Mary in the book was doing; cleaning the knives. She glanced back at you upon your quietness, giving you the eye.
“And? What did she say?”
“I don’t know,” you shrugged. “I’m waiting for her to answer.”
Scoffing, she turned away. “You’re not that funny you know.”
“Yet you’re hiding your smile.”
“Am not.”
“Well have you?”
“Have what?”
“Been in love?”
She huffed. “I’m too sober for that conversation.”
“There’s some wine in the chapel-.”
Mary turned, pointing a knife at you. “-Don’t you dare.”
“What?! It’s not consecrated!”
“Still, you’re a baby, you can’t drink that stuff.”
“I’m going to technically graduate in a few months.”
“Doesn’t matter.”
Sighing overdramatically, you leaned against the wall. “Can you just give me a yes or no?”
She turned and headed back to the counter she was at, looking at you. “Yes, I’ve been in love before.”
“When you were young?”
“Am I not young now?”
“You know what I mean.”
“Yes.” She began to chop vegetables.
“Was it scary?”
“Kind of.”
“Why?”
“I don’t know.” She shrugged. “It happened later for me than most of my friends, so that’s probably why.”
Before you could ask another complex question, a humming noise caught your ear. You thought you were going insane at first until it had also apparently got Mary’s. After taking one glance at each other, you both followed the sound, and it led you to the nearest window.
Outside, in the sky, a yellow helicopter flew above you.
The next thing you knew, as you and Mary were rushing to the library to ask your father ‘What in God’s name is going on?’, you ran into everyone in the middle of the main hall, including a man you had never seen before.
Apparently, Jason’s father cracked and decided to come pick his son up for Christmas at the ski lodge. He also offered to take the rest of The Boys Left Behind. So, there you were after Mary left, deciding to stand outside with the rest of them as Jason, his dad, and your father sat in the administrative office, calling up everyone and their mother (quite literally).
“So, Hunham,” Teddy asked, his voice so grating you would rather claw your brain out with a fork than have to listen to him. “what’re you gonna do when all of us go skiing? Take some pictures?”
You shook your head, not letting it get under your skin. “No, I’ll probably spend time with Elise.”
“Elise?” The boys questioned.
“Yeah, we met in middle school.”
“Is she anything like you or is she pretty?” Teddy prodded.
Angus rolled his eyes. “I don’t think she’d really want to hang around a cesspool like you.”
Holy shit…he was actually standing up for you? Even after you told him he didn’t have any friends? Perhaps men hadn’t failed you completely (your most famous last words of this entire winter break…maybe not for the most part, but still).
You snorted, crossing your arms while still holding Jane Eyre. “It’ll be a cold day in hell before I let you meet her, Kountze.”
Before he could even attempt a comeback, your father came out through the door, and turned to the boys. “Well, good news gentlemen. I was able to reach Dr. Woodrup and your parents;” He glanced at Angus for a second. “Most of them, anyway. I recommend all of you go pack, have a merry Christmas.”
The rest of the boys, including Jason who exited with his dad, raced past one another; all except Angus. You could see how he tried to hide his growing disappointment and went to the first stage of grief; denial.
“Could you try them again?” He asked your father.
Paul Hunham took a deep breath. “Alright.” He turned to Jason’s father, both men uttering a ‘Merry Christmas’, before yours went back into the office. Leaving you outside with Angus.
He leaned against the wall, folding his arms. Well…this was your chance to try and be nice to him again.
“If they don’t pick up, just tell him to keep calling.” You suggested.
Angus looked at you, shrugging. “Yeah, that was my plan already.”
“I always annoy him until I get what I want. Usually works for me.”
“So why aren’t you in Copenhagen?”
“…You.” There was a silence between the both of you, and to your surprise, you had to bite your tongue not because of anger, but to stop yourself from laughing. You gave him a nod. “I hope you get to go skiing; even if Kountze will be there.”
Not giving him time to respond, you walked right past him to your room in the infirmary. In your mind, best case scenario, everyone would go skiing and you and your dad would somehow make it to Copenhagen; middle case scenario, everyone would go skiing but you’d be left in Barton with Mary and your dad; worst case scenario, you were stuck with Angus…at Barton, over Christmas break.
While he was the one that irked you the least out of the boys your age, you weren’t really in the mood to be with him until the middle of January.
It was as you were sitting on the edge of your bed, reading the rest of Jane Eyre, when someone knocked on your door. Glancing up, you saw Alex. Smiling, you asked.
“You ready to go?”
He nodded, then walked into the room, holding out your mittens. “Sorry I forgot to give them back.”
You took them, standing and smiling. “No, you’re alright. If I’m honest, I would’ve let you keep them while you were here.”
“Are you and Angus going to be okay?”
Giving him a look, you chuckled. “Well, if there’s a god, then hopefully that means he’ll go with you guys.”
At that moment, both of your eyes were drawn to the doorway when you heard heavy footsteps and watched as Angus Tully stormed past.
“Okay, guess there isn’t.” You grumbled, then went back to sweet. “Don’t worry though, we’ll be civil with each other.”
“I think you should be friends.”
Well…that was unexpected. Still, you snickered. “Alex, are you saying neither of us have friends already? And I thought you were nice.”
“No just,” he sighed. “I heard Ye-Joon crying a few nights go, Angus told him friends are overrated, and Ye-Joon told me that Angus had been kicked out of a lot of schools…I don’t know.”
You nodded, completely understanding. “I’ll be nicer to him; I promise you that. Now go have a great Christmas.”
He grinned from ear to ear, unexpectedly hugging you. After freezing for just a moment, you hugged him back before pulling away. You bid each other goodbye, and he went running back to his room to pack. A few seconds later, it was Jason who was in your room.
“Hey.” He greeted.
“Hello.”
He stood there stiffly, almost as if he was nervous for the first time in his life. “Um…I just wanted to say sorry.”
This intrigued you. “Oh?”
“Yeah.” Jason fiddled with the bag in his hand. “I didn’t mean to upset you; Teddy was an asshole, end of story.”
You gave him a smile. “Thank you.”
The silence between you was different; not one of comfort, but not exactly discomforting either. Though, it was becoming that the more time dragged on.
“You know,” he grinned, and you couldn’t tell if it was genuine or a joke. “if we hurry, I could probably sneak you on?”
You merely kept your face the same; a pitiful, upturned mouth. “Merry Christmas, Jason.”
He nodded, taking the hint, wishing you a ‘Merry Christmas’ back, and left. Not exactly the best apology to receive, but you were more than happy you got one. Also happy that he didn’t call you names for refusing his advances; bare minimum, but welcome to the early 1970s.
Teddy followed soon after him, and he stopped in your doorway, turning his head to you. He only managed to take a breath to speak before you beat him to it.
“I hope you fall of the fucking ski lift, snap your fucking neck, and never recover.”
He only smiled. “I hope your business goes well. Tell Daniel I said ‘hi’.”
And that was the last time you saw him that Christmas break. He did indeed fall off a ski lift and snap his neck.
He didn’t actually, but you wished he did. When he walked past you, Ye-Joon was next, and you both just uttered a quick ‘Merry Christmas’, before he left. Knowing that Tully was still in the room, you decided it was best to avoid him, and went back to your father.
“No luck?” You asked him.
He shook his head. “No luck.”
Sighing, you glanced down at the floor. Great…it was official; you were still stuck with at least one boy who would for sure not have his brain developed until he was thirty at the youngest (or so you thought).
“Do you want to see the helicopter take off?” Your father asked.
You nodded, not knowing what else to do. So, that was how you found yourself, your father, and Angus (who surprisingly crawled out of the room to also watch it take off), in the snowy quad, watching as the ‘Boys Left Behind’ became the ‘Boys Who Are Now in a Damn Helicopter Going Skiing’. You thought the last title had a better sound to it.
Your father sighs from beside you, turning to look at you in the middle, and Angus to your right. “Well, let’s make the best of it.”
He went in soon after that, leaving you and Angus alone together. You wanted to say something, you probably should’ve. Yet, in all honesty, you had nothing to say, and you knew that if you forced yourself to come up with something, it would’ve been bad.
So that’s why you didn’t even look at him when you left. That’s why you avoided him for the rest of the day, luckily being able to spend most of it with Elise and doing nothing but making Christmas cookies with her and miss Crane (even though she’d already made more than enough to give to the teachers. They were…fine when your dad gave you one), and muting channels from the TV and voicing over them.
You and Elise had done that since you were kids…which actually wasn’t that long ago when you were still doing it.
When you got back, you helped Mary with dinner, than all ate in silence; save for your father trying to make conversation about your day since you were truly the only one out of all of you to have an interesting day.
That’s when the four of you found yourself in the teacher’s lounge; you reading Little Women, your father and Mary watching The Newlywed Game, and Angus reading Popular Mechanics in a chair far away from you.
As you were disappearing into your second read of the book, it was Mary who brought you out of it.
“Your daughter asked me an invasive question today.”
You looked up in alarm at the accusation. Paul Hunham sighed, taking his pipe out of his mouth. “And what, pray tell, was it this time?”
“Asked if I’d ever been in love.”
Your father said your name warningly. Of course, you defended with. “We were reading Jane Eyre! If I was reading this,” you held up your book. “I would’ve asked if she ever rejected a man before. I already know the answer, but still.”
“You know the answer?” Mary laughed.
“You probably had to beat them off of you back in the day, you were so pretty.”
“Were?”
“Fine wine, miss Lamb.” You hung upside down, tossing your feet over the back of the couch. “You age like fine wine.”
 “Stop that.” She scoffed lovingly, then asked your father, almost as if it was a joke. “What about you?”
You looked at him. “Oh, I sure hope he’s been in love.”
“Well,” he said your name. “you know, it was purely for economic reasons at first, but then-.” The pillow you threw at him caused him to chuckle before continuing. “Yes, Josephine March, I was greatly enamored by your mother.”
“What was your favorite thing about her?”
“Everything.”
“Oh, come off it.” You rolled your eyes.
“Well then, if you’re going to be like that, then it’s her laugh.”
You sat up. “That’s such a basic fucking-!”
“-Hey!” Both him and Mary started.
In the corner of your eye, you swore you saw Angus smile for just a second. Your father continued. “I’ll tell you why her laugh was my favorite; it’s because she barely did.”
When you thought of it…she really only laughed around you. Were you that funny or did she just love you that much? Either way, you were more than happy about it. Your father continued.
“She announced in front of an entire class that she would more than likely laugh while being stuck in a brazen bull, then listening to my jokes. That was the first thing she said to me, and it’s still one of my favorite memories.”
Mary chimed in. “Not your wedding day?”
You and her shared a knowing look, trying not to burst out in laughter as your father just smoked his pipe, nodding. No time to unpack that.
“But you know, there’s more to falling in love than just with people.” He started soon to clear the air. “Imagine it, like a monk: forgoing sensual pleasures for the achievement of spiritual goals.”
“Spiritual goals, you?” Mary questioned. “What spiritual goals are we talking about? You go to church?”
“Only when required.”
“Exactly.” She mumbled. “Me having to save your daughter’s soul every Sunday since she was a kid.”
You only went because she’d take you and Curtis out to lunch every Sunday.
“When’s the last time you even left campus?” Mary asked him.
He almost looked offended. “I go into town all the time.”
“Oh!”
“For groceries, and errands, and various appointments.”
“Jane Bennett over here can’t drive and she gets out more than you.”
“Okay yes,” he sighed. “I don’t leave campus often. I don’t really feel the need.”
Mary nodded. “Let me ask you something. If you could go anywhere on earth, where would you go?”
“Well, we were supposed to go to Copenhagen…” nearly left your lips, but then your eyes caught Angus again, and looked away soon when his sight met yours.
“Oh,” your father grinned. “Greece, Italy, Egypt, Peru, Carthage, Tunisia now, of course. In college I started a monograph on Carthage. I’d like to finish that someday. A monograph is like a book only shorter.”
“I know what a monograph is.” Mary answered tiredly.
“Why not just write a book?”
That was the first thing you heard Angus say after hours of silence.
Your father shook his head. “I’m not sure I have an entire book in me.”
“You can’t even dream a whole dream, can you?” Mary asked.
If it were any other day, you would’ve laughed. But for some reason (that reason being you staring at Angus Tully), you didn’t. Still, once the two of you made eye-contact, you shot your gaze back to the TV, and then down to your book for the rest of the night.
What a strange person (he probably thought the same as you).
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Your father agreed to let you sleep in the free room of the infirmary on account of the fact Teddy and Jason were gone. He made the joke too that you could “Finally sleep” as if you already hadn’t been sneaking out to get sleep. Still, even though you could no longer hear his snores, you found yourself more awake than ever that night.
When you were a child, you used to go on nightly excursions. Those being where you’d walk down the stairs of your old house and see everything in the dark; a familiar place becoming the unfamiliar and realizing just how taller everything was compared to you.
You cried the first time that you did it, and your mother rushed down to comfort you; your father, of course, slept like a rock. You still went on the little adventures though.
So…why not do it at Barton? Surely you were old enough you wouldn’t cry this time?
Tiptoeing through the halls and into your father’s room after throwing on your boots and jacket, you somehow managed to grab the keys and flashlight without him hearing you. Then you saw the bottle of whiskey by his bed; checks out.
As you were exiting through the hall, you passed by Angus’ room. You stopped in the doorway, contemplating. Would he be more pissed at you for waking him up, or for leaving him out? Well…only one way to find you.
In the same way you did on the first night, you shook him awake. He flinched a little when he saw you but wasn’t completely frazzled. “What?” He groaned, more so out of exhaustion than annoyance.
All you did was hold up the ring of keys to him.
That got him to sit up, and you managed to smile, tilting your head back to the door. It still astounds you to this down just how quickly you both could communicate without having to say a single word. He got on his coat and shoes, and the pair of you were soon off, traversing down the halls. Your first stop was the teacher’s lounge.
“I just want to check on Mary.” You explained.
“Why?”
“Because she checks up on us.”
And he didn’t argue; poor, tall child was just happy to have some freedom for the first time in almost a week. So, you both just quickly peered into the teacher’s lounge, and sure enough, she was sleeping on the couch with the TV on. You both tiptoed out of there and into the darkened hallway.
“Turn on the light.” He whispered to you.
“I’m trying.” You felt around for the switch, and then heard a ‘bump!’ in front of you followed by cursing.
“Shit!” Your heart jumped. “What did you do?!”
“Just turn on the light!”
You did, and you saw him hunched over, cradling his left elbow. You made a face. “You okay?”
“Yeah, just maybe turn the flashlight on before going into a dark place?”
Oh, hell no, you weren’t taking that amount of sass. “Well maybe you should stop being so tall and stupid. Jesus wept, you make the ground shake every time you walk.”
He scoffed, though an etching of a smile played on his lips when he knocked on the wall beside you.
“What’re you doing?” You asked.
“She’s not going to wake up. It’s fine.”
“Still, I don’t wanna risk it.”
“Okay,” he shrugged his shoulders. “then could I have the light? Seeing that you can’t handle it?”
Oh, what a little shit. Rolling your eyes, you handed it to him, to which he immediately turned over his shoulder and started skipping down the hallway, making quite a lot of noise.
“Angus Tully, I swear to God!” You rushed after him.
He led you into the kitchen, but you led him to the freezer and the large tub of vanilla ice cream the cooks only used for ‘Special Occasions’. You grabbed spoons off the counter and ate from the tub for a few good minutes without saying a word to each other.
When you were finished, he asked. “Where else were you thinking of going?”
 “I’m not sure.” You then glanced over to one of the ‘Staff Only’ doors. “I got an idea.”
After using the keys to unlock it, the door led down into a dimly lit tunnel. You went down first, the cold hitting your skin and you zipped your jacket up. Looking over your shoulder, you saw Angus still up at the top.
“Well come on, you’re the one with the light.”
That seemed to snap him out of whatever trance he was in, and he walked down the steps.
“How’d you know this was here?”
“That’s for me to know.”
And you just walked ahead of him.
He scoffed. “So, I don’t get to find out?”
“Nope.”
The tunnel was much longer than you initially thought it would be, but when you both got to the first door you’d seen, you were led into the sacristy of the chapel. Instantly, Agnus set down the flashlight and opened up the cabinet, taking out the chalice and jug of wine.
You snorted. “What a faithful altar boy you are.”
“Of course I am.” He responded, pouring the wine into the chalice and taking a huge gulp of it. “Want some?”
You tensed at first but responded quick enough. “Sure.”
He poured the wine into the chalice and took a small sip. It wasn’t as bad as when you first tried it; in fact, it was pretty good. You finished most of it after bringing it to your lips again.
“You’ve never had it before, haven’t you?” He grinned like the little shit he was (still is).
Shaking your head, you handed it back to him. “Just not in a while.”
You both got quickly bored in the sacristy after Angus had another drink of wine and went back through the door into the tunnel.
“Do you think someone died down here?” You questioned.
“If you’re trying to scare me, you’re doing a shitty job at it.” He answered.
“That sounds like something someone who’s terrified of ghosts would say.”
Sooner than you thought you would, and after a solid minute of you two going back and forth about the existence of ghosts, you found another door, which led you up into the auditorium. You’d only been there once for Curtis’ graduation the year prior, and you hadn’t step foot in there since then. Angus immediately went to the piano, sitting down at it and looking out to the sea of seats. You approached him leaning against the grand piano. He brought out a pack of the cigarettes you’d gotten him and a lighter.
“Mind if I have one?” You asked.
He nodded, placing a cigarette between his lips and then handing you one. He lit it for you, and you brought it up to your mouth. Somehow, you hadn’t coughed, and you were proud of yourself; you let your curiosity get the best of you, but it hadn’t killed you yet. Angus pressed a few keys on the piano, and you chuckled.
“You play?” You questioned.
“Not since I was ten. You know how?”
“Nope; all I know is Roman history and how to annoy men, apparently.”
“Can I ask you something?”
“Can I ask you a question after you do?”
“Sure.”
“Go ahead.”
He takes a puff from his cigarette before asking. “Why the book names?”
Chuckling, you shook your head. “It’s just always been a thing my mom did; they all mean different things. Countess Natalya when I’m being overdramatic, Jo March for my dad, Jane Bennett for Mary, Emma Woodhouse when I’m being stubborn, things like that.”
“Should I call you something then?” He teased.
“I’d prefer just my name from you, thank you very much.” You played along back, walking around the piano and plopping yourself down on the wooden floor. He soon sank down to be at your level, finding it awkward to sit above you. “Okay, my question.”
He nodded. “Shoot.”
“Why did you and Teddy get into a fight at the beginning of break?”
Sighing, he rolled his eyes. “Asshole stole my family picture and I knew it but he kept denying it; might’ve said some shitty things to him, but it’s not like they weren’t true.”
“What’d you say?”
“That he was a sociopath, and his family didn’t want him around.”
You almost choked on your cigarette but laughed. “Damn, that’s brutal.”
“Smith had to pull us apart, it was apparently that bad.”
Scoffing, you said. “You and him had to hold Teddy back after I punched him.”
“Asshole.” He muttered.
“Asshole.” You repeated.
Silence passed by the both of you for the hundredth time that day, and that was when you spoke up.
“I’m sorry I’ve been a bit of a jerk these last few days.” He arched his brow, and you just went on. “To be honest, you have been too, but I’ve been a bigger one; especially today. I wanted to say something before but…I didn’t want to be more of a bitch than I already was.”
He shook his head. “You’re not; I was kind of a dick when I first met you.”
“Kind of?”
“Okay, a lot.” He admitted. “It was honestly stupid luck I got that question when you first showed up at Barton, and I got carried away with bragging.”
“Don’t sell yourself short.” You repeated his words from a few days ago. “You’re actually the smartest out of all of them.”
“Really?”
“Not even close to me, but still.” You held out your hand. “Friends of some sort?”
He shook it. “Friends of some sort.”
You both pulled away, and after taking another drag of your cigarette you said. “I actually don’t know jack shit about you.”
“That a fact?”
“Yeah, and since we’re going to be stuck here for a while, I think that should change. How about this?” you scooted closer to him. “We ask each other questions. Simple at first, but more and more, we go a little deeper. How does that sound?”
He huffed. “Sounds like a regular conversation.”
“We get to refuse to answer one question.” You added. “Everything else after is free game. Sound more exciting?”
Angus nodded. “Alright, what’s your favorite color?”
“Pass.”
“Are you serious?”
“Fuck no.” You laughed, giving him your favorite color then asking him. “Favorite book?”
He responded much faster than you thought he would. “Catch-22.”
“Ah, a man of culture. Thank God, I thought I’d have to stop talking to you.”
Angus shook his head, chuckling. “If you could be an animal, what would you be?”
Ah…a bit of a stranger one, but you like that. You thought more on it, then gave him your answer. He nodded.
“Yeah, seems like you’d be one.”
“The fuck’s that supposed to mean?” You answered in a dead pan, and broke character the second you saw his face fall. “Just messing with you. Favorite childhood memory?”
He paused at that but didn’t show any sign of discomfort. Hesitance, yes, but he was taking more time thinking about your (frankly bizarre) question. Then, he answered.
“My dad took me on a fishing trip when I was twelve. Just for the weekend out in the woods with a small cabin. Talked to me about what it meant to be a man, telling me what he was like as a kid…I don’t even like fishing.”
The short story, even though it wasn’t yours, brought a nostalgic smile to your face for a moment. “I tried fishing once; not really my thing either.”
“Mr. Hunham took you fishing?” The look on his face made you laugh.
“Oh god no.” You shook your head. “Curtis did.”
Angus blinked upon the name. “Mary’s kid?”
“You’ve already asked a question.”
“What?”
“I just asked you what your favorite memory was as a kid, you asked me if my dad took me fishing. It’s my question now. Technically, I can ask two in a row because you just asked me what I meant.” It was your turn to have the shit-eating grin.
“I…” He tried not to laugh, unable to believe it. “So, our friendship is basically transactional?”
“Huh?”
“You’re having us say that if one of us asks two questions in a row, even if one isn’t really about getting to know the other-.”
“-It was about getting to know me; you asked if my dad took me fishing.”
“That’s a transactional relationship, not really a conversation.”
“Are you trying to explain to me what a conversation is, Tully?” You furrowed your brow, stomping out your cigarette. “Do you really believe women are that stupid?”
He shrugged. “Maybe, considering how you just asked three questions in a row.”
Never in your life (at least recently) had something thrown you off balance so drastically. You counted on your fingers, jogging your memory, and yes, you indeed answered three questions: freeing him from yours. You both made eye contact, and with the same, unspoken language, you both laughed. It took you a bit longer to recover, to which you then asked.
“Okay, and you can ask me two questions, do you genuinely think women are stupid?”
Angus shook his head, his cigarette on its last leg. “Everyone’s stupid in their own special way.”
“How poetic of you.”
“That’s the nicest thing you’ve said to me.”
“Shut up and ask me a stupid question because you’re so stupid.”
He threw the cigarette on the ground and stomped it out before turning to you. “Craziest thing that happened to you?”
Your face dropped for a moment at the question, before it soon morphed into a nervous smile. “It’s what made my dad start homeschooling me.”
Angus raised his brows. “If it’s not a fun memory than-.”
“-No it’s alright.”
“If anything,” you thought to yourself. “it’ll make me see who you really are.”
You set the scene. “You’ve been in eighth grade, right?”
“I though you said I could ask two questions-?”
“-For fuck’s sake, Tully.”
“Yes,” he grinned. “I’ve been in eighth grade, surprisingly.”
“Well, you probably remember how much we thought we were hot shit at that age, right?” You didn’t give him time to respond. “My friend Elise is Miss Crane’s niece, Miss Crane the secretary.”
“Yeah, I know who she is.”
“Elise only comes to live with her during winter and summer breaks. I met her when we were like twelve, and we were immediately inseparable. Summer of eighth grade going into high school, she takes this theatre summer camp hosted by some kids at Ridgeway.”
Angus scoffed. “That fucking shithole? My roommate had some of his friends over who went there; assholes.”
“Oh, that’s not the half of it.” You rolled your eyes. “So, one of the counsellors, I don’t know I think her name was like…Gloria, or something, really liked her, and invited her to a party she and the other theatre kids were having. She told Elise that she could bring anyone that she wanted. Elise thought that other campers were being invited, so she asked me because…okay shoot me, I liked theater growing up. Now Elise wasn’t going to Ridgeway for high school, but I was, so she thought it’d be great for me to meet the people. That’s what she told my dad and her aunt; that it was a part of the camp. God, we spent hours getting ready, I look at pictures that Miss Crane took of us, and we didn’t even look that good,”
You and Angus paused to relish your chuckling before continuing. “but what mattered was that we were excited. Miss Crane drove us to the house at seven, said she’d pick us up by ten, and then left. The only people there were us, Gloria, and two of the other counselors; one being her boyfriend, Bobby fucking Nolan. So, it was awkward for the first hour because, of course Gloria wasn’t supposed to invite two eighth graders, but it’s fine because she said ‘Elise is cool, so her friend’s probably cool’. I wanted us to call someone to take us home because there was a misunderstanding, hell, the counsellor that wasn’t Gloria’s boyfriend even offered to, but Elise said she wanted to stay. I wasn’t leaving her behind, so I stayed too. It actually got fun after that. It was more than obvious I was uncomfortable, so they asked me to pick a board game for us to play when waiting for other people, and I picked Clue. It went on for a while, and people started showing up, so it was really just me, Bobby fucking Nolan, and another random kid playing with us because the others, including Elise, left. Bobby said that I was purposefully hiding my cards because he assumed some things weren’t adding up. He did this the whole game, and he’d try to be teasing, but he always sounded like he was accusing me of murder. Which, okay, a part of the game but you know what I mean. I got fed up with it, so I told him a bit more aggressively that I wasn’t lying. This asshole reaches over and squeezes me here.”
Scooting closer to Angus where your face was just a foot away from his, you pointed to the base of your neck where your clavicle is. “So I freak out of course, and he just started laughing, saying he found out that’s a ticklish spot for everyone. My stomach started feeling weird, and I…a year before that, my dad told me that if I ever started feeling sick out of nowhere, whether it was because of a person or situation, than I’d leave. Doesn’t matter what, I’d just go. So, I say I have to go to the bathroom, get Elise, she sees that I’m starting to freak out, and we try to find Gloria, her friend, or just anyone who’d want to take us home. Bobby finds us instead, he’s lit, and he won’t let us out of his sight. He was joking at first, and I’m fucking terrified at this point, so Elise has to tell him we’re going home. He’s getting pushy now, and it takes him calling her a ‘bitch’ for people to notice. So, thank God, some of the others pull him away to calm him down because he looked like he’d start swinging, and one of the girls took pity on us and drove us to Elise’s house because we were supposed to have a sleepover. I was crying at this point, so I begged Miss Crane to call Mary, not my dad, she picked me up, I told her everything, she brought me home, told my dad, and the next day I told him everything I told Mary. He said I did the right thing in leaving and was pissed at the school. So, he called them, got most of the kids there in trouble; all except Bobby fucking Nolan. Because Bobby Nolan’s mom was screwing the principal, and technically besides underage drinking and minor harassment, he didn’t do anything wrong in the school’s eyes; so, he just got a few days’ worth of detention, but even then, that was probably wiped from his records…He was a freshman going into sophomore year, so if I went to Ridgeway, I’d be stuck with him for three years…everything else checks out.”
The silence was deafening. Angus had a face you had never seen on him before. “I…shit, that’s fucked up.”
Just like with everything else you did when things became too serious (because it was only then you realized that you just told him something that was somewhat traumatic and not funny), you made it funny.
“Oh fuck, you asked me about the craziest thing that happened to me. Sorry, I forgot to say that I was like a little tipsy throughout all of that.”
“What?!”
No one ever said you landed the punchline all the time. Still, you tried.
“Now I know that sounds bad-.”
“-It is bad. You were like what, fourteen?”
“…Thirteen.”
“Oh my god.” He groaned.
“How old were you when you first drank?”
“Sixteen.”
“That’s like three years.”
“It’s about maturity.”
“Oh,” you snickered. “and you have a lot of that?”
He shrugged. “Yeah, maybe I do."
Rolling your eyes, you said. “Go ahead.”
“What?”
“Ask your other question. No, that one doesn’t count, I’m actually tired of the rules I set up.”
He was still, understandably, thrown off about all that you told him. Still, he went. “How’d you know about the tunnels?”
“Curtis Lamb. We were friends for a while, and he told me he and some other kids would explore them. Mary never found out somehow.”
“Why’d you stop being friends?”
You shrugged. “We didn’t, he just died. Did your mom and dad get a divorce or…?”
You were always a hardball when it came to being blunt.
Angus tensed. “Pass.”
“Okay.”
“Can I ask about the letter?”
Oh…oh…
Well…what a spot you put yourself in…
“Pass.” You said without hesitation. Had he said that to get back at you for asking a stupid question or did he actually want to know?
Still, he respected it. “Your turn.”
And you decided to be slightly less bold, but not back down completely. “Have you been kicked out of school before?”
To your surprise, he wasn’t angry when you asked. A bit smug even. “Oh, who told you?”
“Alex.”
“Figures. Yeah, three.”
“Why?”
“‘Unruly behavior, instigating fights, stealing school property.’” He rolled his eyes. “If I get kicked out of this one, it’s off to military school.”
You nodded. “So maybe don’t then.”
“Seems like a plan.”
“When did your mom marry your stepfather?”
“Just last summer; that’s why they’re taking their honeymoon now. She’d only been with him for six months.”
“Shit.”
“Yeah.” He shook his head. “Just lonely I guess.”
You furrowed your brow. “She had you.”
He didn’t say anything, he stopped looking at you too. Well, new tactic now.
“What you did was nice a few nights ago.” Like Pavlov’s dog, he looked up at you. “Helping Ye-Joon out.”
His eyes drifted. “It was nothing.”
“It was everything to him and it meant something to me. It meant that you’re not a complete asshole you try to be, and I don’t know why you try to be one, but you’re not.” You saw right through him, and you both knew it. Still, to save face a little while longer, you added. “I’m sorry too about saying you didn’t have friends.”
“It’s fine-.”
“-No, it’s not, because I felt like shit as soon as I said it, and it’s a shitty thing to say to anyone.”
He stared at you the same way he did when you gave him toothpaste, and it unnerved you even more. Had anyone ever apologized to him?
“Thanks.” Was his reply, and the two of you stopped asking questions. You both sat in the auditorium for perhaps a small moment’s silence when he said. “I uh…we should probably get back.”
You nodded, getting up. “Yeah, sounds good.”
The two of you tried to make it seem like you’d never been there and made your way back down into the tunnel. The walk seemed much longer than it had previously, the two of you not seeming to have anything to say until Angus went-.
“I threw out the skin mag.”
Well…the actual last thing you thought you would hear from him that night.
You stopped in your tracks. “Huh?”
He didn’t look at you as he confessed. “I stole Kountze’s cigarettes to trade for it and practically waved it in his face the first few days. I know it’s none of my business, but after he read the letter…I just felt bad about it.”
What on God’s green earth were you supposed to say? Apparently, after a few moments of stunned silence, you knew.
“…Thanks? On behalf of all women, I guess?” He nodded, still not looking at you, which only added to your anxiety. “We’re good, right? Still friends of some sort?”
“Yeah.” He finally met your eyes.
You nodded. “Nice.”
And you walked ahead of him as if trying to outrun the light. You both tiptoed through the halls, setting the keys and flashlight back in your father’s room in the infirmary, and went into your own separate rooms.
As you laid down to sleep, the strangeness of the whole evening played in your mind. You had been so vulnerable with him, and he hadn’t thrown it back and spat it in your face; he let you talk about it for so long.
He didn’t blame you for what happened.
You never told anyone about that besides the people involved…
But he didn’t do the same. Yes, your friendship (of some sort) didn’t have to be where each of you dumped a lot of baggage on each other…but you still felt odd doing so.
You felt something in your stomach the more you thought about the whole night; being alone together and exploring the school as if you were both main characters in a novel, telling secrets in the dark…
You didn’t feel sick though; at least, not like when a boy touched you for the first time.
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therealslimshady · 2 years
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joshriku · 1 year
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it is absolutely fucked up that every time they show/talk about charles and erik meeting the emphasis they place on the fact that they felt alone in the world until they met each other and finally felt like they found an equal. fucks me up entirely
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flufflecat · 8 months
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gojo looked different in the new chapter
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foxgirlmoth · 2 months
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I had a timeloop dream that feels like it should be fucking me up a lot right now mentally.
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todayisafridaynight · 3 months
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They made a statue of ryujis tattoo thats so wild
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poltergeist-coffee · 4 months
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i’m about to become a full time pactoiles artist because they’re all i can think about lately
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kasumingo · 9 months
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You know, what I'm realizing (over and over again) is that westerners absolutely loathe taking responsibility for their own actions and feelings - from toy recalls due to irresponsible parents, through refusing to cut down on unhealthy food and activities, through bigots thinking trans and gay people existing is a personal offense to them to refusing to maintain their online spaces
Y'all never getting free because in your mind the problem is never you - it's clearly everyone else
So you prefer living a life of outrage and making everyone else's miserable before self-reflection and realization that it's your own mentality and actions that are in the wrong here
And on this note I might be cutting off more and more people who display those traits even in the slightest degree, because you’re not safe or pleasant to be around
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switchytransboy · 6 months
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cancer sucks yo
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celebregol · 2 years
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so the thing about finwe is that he really loves children. he wants to have a big family and he loves his son, but he also can’t deny that he’s always wanted more kids around. so he pleads his case to the valar, he wants to marry another woman that he loves and he wants a larger family. and he gets it! he remarries, has four more children, and everything should be fine.
except it just... doesn’t feel the same? finwe is acutely aware as to what it’s like to raise a child---he’s been raising feanor on his own for a while now---and he doesn’t get the same feeling with his other children. he doesn’t know if it’s because he’s not alone now, that these children have a mother to take care of them as well, or if something in him is just wrong. or if this is some kind of latent punishment, as if he can get these children, but he can’t muster the same deep love he had with feanor with them.
sometimes, in quieter moments, he wonders if it’s his price for raising feanor. miriel died to birth him, and perhaps finwe’s cost is him being so drained of love he has barely any to give to his other children and his second wife. the thing is that he does love indis, he loves all his children, but he is also so tired. so exhausted.
he knows that considering the huge struggle he put to marry indis, this result is a disappointment. so he does the best he can, but when indis and him drift apart, he lets her (she shouldn’t have to be burdened with the elf he’s become) and when his fluctuating parenting results in some children who stick too close and some children who decide to go afar, he doesn’t reach to change them.
finwe tries to build the family he’s always wanted, he really does, but he is simply so drained. sometimes he feels more like a husk than an actual elf and he can’t help but wonder if miriel didn’t have the right idea
#c.posts#kind of at least#silmarillion#finwe#the idea here that i mentioned to radium is that there's a cost to raising feanor#miriel was so exhausted from the birth and finwe raises feanor. there must be some price to that#it's also really funny to me that this man is like i want more children! i want a big family! but then he just very readily dumps the rest#of his family to live with feanor. it's interesting to me and of course i must come up with in verse explanations as to why#hence him being drained from raising feanor#it plays out in two main ways with his other children: once feanor was grown finwe just sort of. didn't have the same energy to attend to#his not grown children. he loved them he paid attention to them as much as he could but he was still always semi distant#the other way is that finwe is exhausted in general and it shows after he marries and has more children#feanor attributes his father's exhaustion and diminishing attention to the fact that he remarried has more children but that's not it#there's also the fact that finwe doesn't know how to do anything with someone else. he's a leader alone. he raised a child alone. he has no#siblings. he doesn't know what it's like to share responsibility and he's tired now which makes the process harder#so he fluctuates between distant and smothering#he's overbearing especially when he recognizes he's been distant and it's him trying to make up for it#in general i do think all his children have different relationships with their father#feanor is obviously very close to him; i think findis is close by being virtue of the first new child; fingolfin and lalwen aren't as close#to him but fingolfin really wants finwe's attention while for lalwen it doesn't matter as much#i think finarfin has the most distant relationship. finwe wanted to get it right with each new child and finarfin was a commitment (hence#arafinwe) but then whoops. distance happened more than the smothering#anyways wanted to put this out there before the art comes along
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pezpenser205 · 22 days
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3am monday morning mood
#insert garfield i hate mondays joke here#op#...........................................................................................................................................#........................................................................................................................#......................................................................................................................#.......................................................................................................................#...........................................................#............................................................#sui mention tw if you read further for some odd reason#was highkey wanting to change my mind before the date came but now im not so sure thats gonna happen#i dont have a lot of time#2 days is not enough to get a job or change my mind so i dont even know what im gonna do#i feel like im dreaming all the time#'i dont know what im gonna do' is for sure a lie though i damn well know come on now#its simple a + b = c math#(im a waste of resources) + (i dont even like being here and am not a person anymore) = (i shouldnt be here)#i think my family will get over it like none of them even talk to me anymore (not that i make it easy but still)#i have nothing that somebody else cant have or do better than me its not that big of a deal.#like literally i cant fucking comprehend what anyone would like about me anymore#everything bad about me so clearly outweighs the 1/10 times i can be funny or dependable or considerate.#im just taking advantage of others' compassion at this point#when i say 'i am not a person' i mean that with 100% sincerity#i get surprised and scared when people talk to me and have no concept of self and no real hobbies. im just empty im not even angry anymore#im beyond unhinged tbh i have zero self awareness and feel like im the only person like me that exists and im rambling-#-and oversharing all the time and talking over others because i fail to even really understand or consider what theyre saying anymore#-and simultaneously i feel too unremarkable to be worthy of life#i feel like im playing my entire life in VR like nobody and nothing here is real. none of you are even real.#this feels the same as typing in a word document i just always feel alone no matter who im talking to or what im doing#i feel like the only real person in the world and the only one that shouldnt be here#i cant even bring myself to feel scared of death. im just. nothing. even when im crying i dont feel anything at all
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thefactsofthematter · 2 years
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kept getting stuff from ride the cyclone in my youtube recommended so i finally googled wtf it was and bro. they’re from SASKATCHEWAN???
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moe-broey · 6 months
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WHAOFH
This is literally so fucking funny I was just laying down thinking about all the potential for stupid family/found family dynamics and was like. Man... I really haven't given Thrasir a lot of thought .... I wonder when she'll be summonable again..... Oh? Now? Hm. Okay. Freyja color sharing? Augh.... it May be useful to get her........ for studying purposes .......... maybe I'll give it a shot -- AH
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